#and I'm just so tired and frustrated
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I am incredibly serious right now when I beg you all, please, and if you have Twitter or Tiktok or whatever to please spread the word: click on an author's profile on Ao3.
You want to know if an author has written more? Want to know if they're still writing? Want to see more from them? Want to know if they've written a trope or kink or sex scenario you enjoy?
Click on their name. And look at their profile.
I cannot tell you how many times in the last six months someone has read a new or newer fic of mine and said they (a new reader who has read nothing else I've done) "can't wait to see what you do next!" I've written 50+ fics and over a million words already.
"I don't know if you're still writing..." click on my profile. I am. I literally wrote a 128k+ fic for that ship last month.
"Would you ever do X?" "Please do Y!" I already did. Click on my name and look at my works.
Archive of our Own is a library. It's an archive. Not social media. It is your responsibility to fight back against the laziness that corporate algorithms have trained into you.
Click my author name. Just click it. Just click it.
Before you demand more, or ask if a writer will do XYZ, or wonder if the author still writing, or anything - click on their profile. Click on the author's profile.
I'm not trying to be mean or condescending or anything like that. I'm just exhausted. It's disheartening and frustrating to repeat myself ad nauseam, because someone couldn't take thirty seconds to do the tiniest bit of work to see if I've written lately, if I've written more for their ship, or scan my works to see if I've written what they're asking for. Please. Please. I'm begging.
Click the author's name, and explore before you ask.
#lincoln rants#I'm sorry but I'm at the end of my rope#I got a LOT of these comments on my Buddie Platonic Sugar Baby AU#acting like I was some new writer to the fandom#babes I've been here since the dawn of 2020 where the fuck have YOU been?#I am happy to answer questions! I love responding to reader comments!#but it is beyond frustrating to answer a question that if they'd literally just clicked on my author name#they would have gotten the answer to themselves#yes I have written more yes I am still writing yes I've been here longer than you have#and I don't mean that in a pulling rank/seniority way I just mean that in a could you please just CLICK ON MY NAME???#INSTEAD OF MAKING ASSUMPTIONS??? way#I'VE DONE MY TIME! FOUR AND A HALF YEARS! IN THE CIRCUS!#I'm sorry but sometimes I have to yell publicly a little#and I really do suspect this is people who are not on tumblr#so I am genuinely begging you#if you are on other social media platforms#PLEASE feel free to repeat what I have said#PLEASE I AM SO TIRED!!!
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Sometimes I just want to scream.
I know I've said before but being a lesbian radfem can be so fucking isolating
#all my friends are libfems#my SU doesn't give a shit about lesbians#My friend can be upset about someone in a society being against medical transition but I can't be upset about the fact that lesbian spaces#are non existent#they advertised the lgbt night as for everyone#and I don't think people would get why that bothers me#I'm going to ask to meet the inclusion rep#but nothing will happen#because nothing happened last time#and I'm just so tired and frustrated
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I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.
If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!
#mental health#mental health advocacy#it was just so annoying because every resource i could access for this project often ONLY recommended cbt and#that just doesn't seem helpful for a good chunk of people#because i know i never benefitted from that model of therapy#obligatory: i am not against this therapy. me having a negative experience with it is not indicative that i believe it should be abolished'#if it works for you: KEEP DOING IT. cbt is not inherently harmful for MANY people and it's a good and valuable tool for many#but the overemphasis of cbt as the Only Therapy Model You Need sends this message that YOU failed...#...if you don't miraculously recover with that therapy model. it often feels like you'll Fail Recovery/Therapy and you're now a Bad Person#i've tried for over a decade to stick out cbt with a dozen therapists to boot. so i think i know a thing or two about my experiences with it#and overall its an unimpressive model (for me) as someone whos had a history with abuse and miscellaneous mental knickknacks rattling around#it's also frustrating because i genuinely like psych and i love learning about people#it's just. i'm tired of only being exposed to cbt (because i hate it honestly)#i feel similarly about cbt as i do with sigmund fucking frued#anyway i just want other insane people (affectionate) to remember that they deserve to not beat themselves up over this#if you're an insane person reading this: i love you i love you i love you i love you#i will share a slice of cake and homemade bread with you <3
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Wearing your boyfriend's jacket
#for the anon asking who would wear it#any one of my characters WOULD wear it#its just a matter of how...#you dont understand my passion for fashion and what this means ok#it means an article of clothing is not about the clothing at all#its about how it fits and what it goes with and how you choose to wear it#a shirt is not just a shirt its a part of a whole...#I'm so passionate about this... it doesnt really show in my comics but thats mostly cause. there is only so much time I can devote to thing#anyways#adam is able to make anything look good#and steve is able to make anything seem like hes owned it for 10 years#they can both wear anything but in extremely different ways...#anyways this was a nice little break#its been hard HAHAHAHHA not gonna lie having an extremely rough time#I so so so do not want to return working for webtoon#I need you to know I am ONLY doing this for my readers#because I could use more time. I could use forever away from webtoon#but. I want to see the comic through! and so I will.#I'm so tired of them...#and also still frustrated by people being like 'is this ever coming back' and all that#but its fine. its coming back I'm working on it...#and its good.. its gonna be so good......#time and time again#ttawebcomic#adam and steve#sketch#I JUST REALIZED I SAID ANON...#I MEANT ASK#my brain just calls all asks anon
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I don't need a vacation, I need a sabbatical, where I go live in an abbey in switzerland for six months where I read and garden and study and stare at the sky and learn about birds and make some art and write a lot and help feed the nearby village with the garden crops and there are no ads or algorithms or tv shows or fastfood restaurants and I walk into town once a week for phone and internet to check on friends and family and then I go away again and preferably there are cats and goats and those soft brown cows and one shaggy dog and I learn I have a new favorite constellation and type of flower and shade of green.
#ragamusings#anyone else?#had to drive v carefully around a phone-distracted driver on my way home and i wanted to shake him by the shoulders#had someone want a refund from their show bc they didnt like it (we didn't have enough cast members apparently???)#and i watched horrific news unfold#and i'm so angry and tired and frustrated#i took a week-long staycation and only began to feel like myself again on the fifth day#anyways you can reblog this if you relate it's not just a private ramble#but idk if it is relatable or not i just want it deep in my soul#but alas i have no money and sabbaticals cost money ironically#and who would take care of my cats
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I'm having a bad mood today
Would you draw my blorbo for me please?
#If you have time/energy/willing for that though. No pressure#Im sad and annoyed bc i couldn't get my blood tasted today#They only signed me up for an appointment in a month#And its already been so long since i try to figure out what is wrong with me bc my stomach doesn't work as it supposed to#I'm tired and hurt and all this is very discouraging#Mom tells me to go to the private lab to get my tests done faster but it costs money and we haven't been having much of those#She says that my health is more important and she's right but i just feel so bad and guilty for spending money on myself#When it is possible to get free medical treatment#But URGHHH the free one is sooo looong#And the problem is also that bc im an immigrant here i often don't understand how the system works here and i do mistakes#Like today I came to the hospital thinking i can get my blood tested right away with my doctors prescription in my hand#But no i only got it registered and got an appointment on 17 of December#Fucking urghhh#Im just tired and frustrated that's all#Anyway#Wanna draw buba for me? 👉👈🥺
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Just saw an absolutely amazing post that convinced me that Ceroba would be the one who confesses first.
(op turned turned off reblogs unfortunately so I'm making this post (┬┬﹏┬┬)) ("Just put the link to the post here-" No, you absolute buffoon, they turned it off for a reason and I'm going to respect that) (also potential rambling?? again??) (future LM here, yep there is alot of rambling. this was supposed to be a character analysis but I accidentally made a fic halfway LMAOAOAOAOAOA )
god I'm a sucker for slow burn and angst (duh, you all know that) I used to think that Starlo wouldn't be able to take it anymore and finally get the balls to confess to her, he goes up to her and it'll be the usual cheesy but wholesome moment with him nervously laughing, Ceroba getting surprised so she turns away while brushing off some hair that got on her face, Starlo sheepishly rubbing the back of his head and stuttering to get the words out. It'll all be planned of course he's a gentleman, he's just so stupidly nice and understanding that if Ceroba just flat out tells him "I don't wanna be in a romantic relationship with you" I just know he's going to smile and tell her it's okay and he'd still be there for her and it won't affect their friendship at all and he's going to stay by her side de jashdkahsd sorry the brainworms are doing the thing again.
Of course the idea of Ceroba confessing first also came into my mind, her realizing she's in love with Starlo but now has to fight the guilt thinking that she's "betraying/cheating on Chujin" made the little angsty gremlin in me giggle but I just preferred it would be Starlo who breaks the ice just for shittles and giggles (I like seeing him get all blushy and shy HIHIHIHIH). Also adding the fact that Ceroba DID consider getting together with him but she brushes it off cuz she thinks he's still too immature. (Yes I am aware Ceroba acknowledges Starlo growing up in True Pacifist but I didn't give it that much thought I was in delulu land)
But then I saw the post and ho h my god oh my goddddddd.....
I was a fool
Starlo is aware of what Ceroba has gone through and as her childhood best friend he would respect her and not risk overwhelming her with a confession cuz OF COURSE HE WOULDNT, and if he DID consider confessing it would be YEARS after the whole "Clover-sacrificing-themselves-for-the-futue-of-monsterkind" ordeal but he would have probably fallen out of love at this point and it would go
⭐: "OH YEAH btw I had a crush on you when we were kids" 🦊: "HUH"
(not dismissing the chance he could still be in love with her despite that I mean he's dedicated and loyal and so damn devoted to her it makes sense, it was just had a funny thought giggles)
But then after reading the post, it reopened the idea of Ceroba confessing first and... oh my god it was glorious. It would start small, thinking he looked nice one day, subconsciously gazing at him and adoring him at the distance as he talks his usual nonsense at the saloon with the feisty 5, wanting to hang out with him a little more than usual, until it slowly builds up over time. She starts noticing the little things about him, his wide smile, the sound of his voice and the laughter he makes when he does his usual shenanigans with her in post-pacifist where things are starting to get brighter as they heal together, she would call him an idiot but god he would just smile at her again and the little dimples on the sides of his face would make her melt without knowing and she swears she felt her face get warm but brushes it off, thinking it's nothing. But that's where the snowball keeps getting bigger, she would see him talking to the folk again at the saloon and wish it was her he was laughing with, she'll quickly snap out of it, shake her head a little and think about how weird it was for her to have thought about that. She'd find herself beaming when he calls her name and feel so stupid for doing so, "Why am I so happy all of a sudden? He says my name all the time..."
And the snowball finally crashes when they have one of those talks, y'know the ones where you usually have at 3 am with your friends? Just talking about life in general, talking about the future, what are each of them scared of, what they feel and what they think about things, just being so vulnerable and open with each other. They've had their fair share of these talks but today was different. He looked absolutely stunning, despite being mentally exhausted he still looked divine, the way his eyes droop when his expression softens, the slow rise and fall of his chest when he sighs, his wide glistening smile turning into a small and soft curl on his lips. She can't help herself but make subtle touches and discreetly brush her shoulder against his as they lean towards the railings of the balcony, fighting the urge to just reach out and figure out small ways to make contact with him. She gazes at him the entire time, analyzing him, noticing all the little changes he makes, why can't she look away? She can't, she tried, so many times but it still ends up with her looking at him again trying to burn the image of him in her mind, wanting to leave it there forever. When the talk comes to a close, he turns to her and offers a hug, she accepts it and the moment he melts into her arms, she feels a sudden warmth on her chest and it instantly scatters around her entire body, enveloping her. They share each other's warmth, she slowly buries her face onto his shoulder, cherishing this small moment with him as they hold each other tight in each other's embrace. She's closing her eyes, inhaling his scent, it feels like she's in a dream, she doesn't want this moment to end, she doesn't wanna wake up just yet but.... They break a part, he gives her his goodbyes. As she goes home she lays in bed, face up, staring at the ceiling as she recalls everything that happened to her, putting pieces of the puzzle together as she finally comes to terms with herself and gets hit with the realization. It all comes crashing down to her, her eyes widen and she lets out an audible groan. She lays in silence for a moment, feeling absolute agony for being so stupid, she peaks through her fingers and looks back up the ceiling again, "Fuck..."
I haven't even dabbled with what goes on in her head after she accepts this fact, the sudden guilt consuming her, feeling like she betrayed Chujin, the person she loved with her entire soul only to fall for another. She hates it. And if she confesses she's going to be a wreck and Starlo just instantly goes to comfort her, telling her it's okay, she doesn't have to force herself to confess to h- No. She wants this, she's absolutely in love, he may have fallen first but she fell even harder, but with so much conflict in her mind, wanting to hold his hand without the weight on her shoulders pulling her back. The entire time they're together, Starlo finds the time to console her, comfort her, feeling horrible for making him stay up late just for her but he says he doesn't mind and he himself wants this, feeling absolutely honored to have her in her arms and that she trusts him so much that she's just so open and vulnerable and he's being so kind and patient to her I hate them I HATE THEM I FFUCKING HATE THUEJN R F FUCK FUCKF FFIFUUCJCC N I HATE THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
thE SLOW BURN IS SO SLOW BUT KEEP UP AND SET THE KITCHEN IN FLAMES PLEASE RAUGHHH
SAVE ME STAROBA W AS SAV VE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
TL;DR: uhhhh read a post and it convinced me that Ceroba slowly falls in love with Starlo over time without realizing it and when she finally does she feels really guilty cuz it feels like she's betraying Chujin, the slow burning is burning and the angst is scrumptious. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. /j
#LONG POST#sorry in advance if there were spelling errors I only proof read this a few times but im so tired we die like Chujin#Fun fact! I was sick again while I was typing this! But overtime I slowly felt better and I??????? WHHAHAAHSDHASD????????????#Staroba makes me so sick it cures me???? thats crazy (update: im sick again HAHAHAHAHAH)#There's so... SO MUCH more I want to say.#That includes Starlo slowly teaching her how to love again and Ceroba slowly opening up and letting herself accept his affection#What if Ceroba one day breaks and she just lets it all out and just cries in his arms kissing him cuz she cant take it anymore—#—shes apologizing profusely and overwhelming him with pent up frustration and bottled up love she doesn't allow herself to express—#—🦊“I-I'm sorry I'm so sorry.. I'm so selfish and greedy for this but I love you so much it hurts"—#—But he just smiles and lets her smother him... like shes kissing him while apologizing at the same time and he just keeps comforting her—#—saying things like ⭐:“it's okay” ⭐:“don't apologize” ⭐:“I'm fine”—#—bUT HE KEEPS GETTING CUT OFF WITH KISSES KAJSHDAHSDHDAJSHDASJDHASHDASHD IM BEING SO NORMAL ABOUT IT#OMG CHAT. HEAR ME OUT. CEROBA GETS BABY FEVER RAUGHGHGHHGHGHGHG IM SO OMG IM SO#*gets shot out of nowhere and falls down on the ground peter griffin style*#LM whispers#undertale yellow#undertale yellow spoilers#uty starlo#uty ceroba#staroba#character analysis
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Some instances that I feel show how some messages in MHA are detrimental, especially on how victims react to their abuser, can be gauged by responses that tend to be highly prevalent in the fandom.
(Definitely not every fan, but a great majority).
Endeavor is a great example. Whenever you post criticizing his approach to atonement (and ultimately criticizing Horikoshi’s writing), you get BOMBARDED by people either belittling you for not liking his character or essentially forcing you to like his character by frantically writing “at least he tried” arguments.
If I have the CHOICE whether to forgive his character or not, especially given he goes through an atonement arc and not a redemption arc, why is any form of criticism about his abusive behavior and essentially his abuse of power practically ignored by the story unacceptable?
The message was detrimental because people operate on the notion that for victims to be good people, they must forgive and even help their abusers. MHA presents people who choose not to forgive him as either a monster (Toya) or inconvenient (Natsuo). And if they are still unforgiving, they must admire the abuser for doing the bare minimum (taking responsibility; this is also about Natsuo).
Essentially, they are considered "imperfect victims" because they weren't merciful in their approach to their abuser.
The majority of the fandom tends to ignore the lack of actual consequences for Endeavor's actions because he vows to talk to Toya every day. Insisting that doing the bare minimum, which is recognizing his son's existence and suffering, became his "hell" is a wildly fucked up message, in my opinion.
It harps on the issue mentioned above that if a victim isn't receptive to forgiveness or doesn't act "demure," they are seen as an inconvenience—which is how the Todoroki family ultimately views Toya.
On a less critical note, I'll vent, so if you don't like this, just ignore it.
I'm so fucking tired of stories depicting imperfect victims as people who deserve death and torture. Plus, having to be on the brunt of so many people acting like you're morally fucked because you're not impressed with how a writer handled abuse. Horikoshi is not the first writer to try to atone a character who is an abuser (and he isn't the first to fail at that, either).
I'm not about to dick-ride every decision every author makes. Especially if the message convinces some audience members that victims are inherently broken if they can't bring themselves to forgive and/or admire someone who hurt them.
#me: no systematic consequences for Enji's abuse is frustrating#some MHA fans: well what the fuck is he supposed to do then? die?#me: ... why does everyone in this fandom believe dying is the solution for every crime?#MHA: twice's death is justified toga's death is justified tenko's death is justified people the HPSC killed aren't brought up again#me: oh yeah lol#the experiences I had with the MHA fandom on TikTok so far have been the most toxic interactions I've ever had in fandom#like I used to think the bad rep was just normies being introduced to fandom for the first time#but no#people were right :v#if you like Enji and you're triggered by this#please leave me alone#also please don't try to convince me the end was good or that the story is good#I'm legit so tired of having to deal with that#each to their own#mha critical#bnha critical#anti enji todoroki#anti endeavor#todoroki family#todoroki touya#touya todoroki#todoroki shouto#shouto todoroki#todoroki natsuo#natsuo todoroki#RIP natsuo#you had some rebellion in you#he had to have a little bit of boot-licking by the end#the poor thing
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Goodbye Krakoa. Stay dead bitch. No more mutant islands.
Can we stop making ethnostates now like can we stop doing that in comics. Can we not keep saying "minorities are safe nowhere but in their own country that doesn't let certain people and also they might not even be safe because Evil People might get jealous and kill them". Ultimately this era has done nothing to explore why ethnostates are bad in any real way. It has done nothing to actually explore how being complicit in the creation of an ethnostate is a Bad Thing. We had some events but we didn't explore anything because we were too scared of making some of our faves look bad. I just actually hate the statements this era has ended up saying and I hate the fact that heroic characters are mourning over the loss of an ethnostate founded by eugenicists. These politics are ugly. And worse yet I see people mourning the loss of the fictional ethnostate like have we all lost our minds.
#brieuc.txt#further rant below#krakoa#xmen#negativity#i suppose.....#I'm tired so apologies if this isnt articulated#I just really feel frustrated with everything in this era#And I hope it stays gone frankly#this was simply too ambitious a project to be shared by that many creatives#this is something that needs to be written by one person I think and its been proven by how messy this wrapping up is#my feelings towards the clear 90s nostalgia are complex and generally negative but fuck dude. I'm glad the ethnostate is gone#because having heroic characters be sympathetic and loyal to an ethnostate is bad. It's fucking bad.
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imagine that, in the first avenger, before pre-serum steve's training montage, we get a flashback with sarah rogers to explain his perseverance. imagine that when he goes to save bucky and after losing him, we get flashbacks to them as kids.
imagine that, in civil war, instead of (or along with if that's what it takes) more of tony's daddy issues we also get to see little steve with sarah to also understand him better.
imagine we get more of steve's backstory.
#steve rogers#captain america#i'm tired so i don’t know if this makes sense#i'm just sad and frustrated#we deserved to meet sarah rogers#and steve growing up a poor disabled immigrant during the great depression#that feels like key formattive parts of his character yk#that got fucking barely mentioned#fuck mcu#ca:cw#team cap#anti tony stark#that wasn't supposed to be here but now i'm mad about that too#“look at this billionare with daddy issues and feel sorry for him!”#is what that scene gives me#putting sarah somewhere in there would make it almost feel balanced#but nooo#all we get is her first name
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me stubbornly forcing myself to drink green tea and rest from my THIRD COLD THIS MONTH
#i am so fucking tired of being ill#is it not enough that i have a chronic illness and chronic pain condition all the time anyway???#ughhh#i'm grateful because i at least managed to get to (most) of the gigs i wanted to this month#but other than that i've literally just been stuck in bed unable to do anything and my brain is starting to melt with boredom#idk how i can still not be well enough to write or absorb myself in reading a good book or fanfic or even be on here properly#but my brain feels like MUSH and it's so frustrating#i miss my little four walls men so much 😩#i miss being able to see the sky and see my friends and taste the food i eat#sorry i know i'm complaining#i just needed to vent for a moment#it's been such a shit few months anyway and i was already in a really rough spot with my mental/physical health for a number of reasons#so this just feels like the last straw#universe please let me feel a little better soon#i have things i want to do and people i want to talk to and fics i want to write#oh how nice it must be to live in a body that isn't constantly impaired in some way 🤦♀️#lulu posts
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Queer people get over your fear of masculinity challenge
#ceaseless rambles#sorry I'm tired#so many queer people act like masculinity taints people#and that's incredible frustrating as a trans guy who wants to appear masculine#and also just straight up terf shit#@ those queer cis girls at work: “transing your gender made you a man and men suck so you suck” is not the progressive take you think it is#even other trans people do it sometimes
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collab #2 with @xenole i was given a chibi yakumo and i.. i...... turned it into thiS
#I AM SO SORRY I DREW YAKUMO AGAIN ADFSJEIADKS LOOK OK so xenole gives me the tiny crying yakumo.#says DO WHATEVER YOU WANT and THUS i get to thinking#my immediate thought was#i'm going to make oli breast boobily while comforting him#bc i was determined to draw xenole's fave this time. i swore it to myself. i WILL stop being so self indulgent#but the chibi on chibi comforting scene didn't sit right with me. it was too straightforward. not something i would draw normally#it was hhhh as u say.... not on brand.? it did not inspire me. idea benched....#so days pass and i'm still pondering ideas on what to do to the sad spaghetti.#configurations of clan members danced in my head. some defending yaku. some comforting. some bullying#the ideas usually involved at least oli or kuya bc once again. xenole bias#then while i'm in the shower i got frustrated with my lack of ideas and thought#i'll jujst eat.him. just. chew on him. i'm tired of him#AND THE IMAGE OF KUYA EATING YAKUMO FOR BREAKFAST POPPED INTO MY MIND#originally it was going to be kuya eating yakuflakes and oli giving him serious side eye but then the brain went#WHAT IF IT'S YAKUMO WATCHING KUYA EAT YAKUMO. THAT IS FUNNY. IT MUMST HAPPEEN#BUT I REFUSED at first. i was angry at myself. this is not a competition to see how you can STILL sHOVE YAKUMO into a drawing.#plus the composition would shrink xenole's chibi down! i would take over so much space by comparison! THE DISRESPECT! TO THE COLLAB PROCESS#but once i get fixated on smth...well. i ended up doing the idea and just praying xenole wouldnt eviscerate me for it#i'm sorry my liege. my grip on the reins was weak. the goofy clown horses went stampeding#so idk now it's the two of em having a peaceful breakfast in kuya's cabin but only kuya is at peace and yakumo's this close to a breakdown#i feel like there should be something in the space between them. a speech bubble or something . something mean is being said#yakuya#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival kuya
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Just a bit of lore relevant vent art (with terrible proportions bc apparently I mess that up horribly when I'm tired ugh. Watch me regret posting this tomorrow. The head size is already driving me mad bc it's too big, and I can feel myself wanting to abort this mission already) of Mourynn just, lying down on top of one of those large elevated Pale Tree roots far above the Grove (and far away from everyone else), and during the time between the early years and before the Personal story. Caithe is gone (Destiny's Edge), Wynne is gone (bc well, y'know...), even Faolain is gone (bc of Caithe in DE), and she's just feeling miserable, lost, and alone. (Her hair is in between her sapling hair and the Zhaitan hair, so it's grown out a bit bc she's depressed, and she's meant to be in the new outfit she designed, but I'm in the process of redesigning it a bit, so I've made a few tentative changes for now. Her collar is now just an extension of her clavicle leaves which can be put up like a collar, or can be draped down over her shoulders or back)
#gw2#sylvari#artgallery#mourynn#mourynn art#I've just been so tired lately bc of work#also just going a bit stir crazy with the silence (lonely; but alas I unfortunately suck at starting convos bc I have nothing interesting t#talk about and work has been draining my social energy; making it even harder :( (I'd rather burn the social energy with friends yknow?)#it's getting a wee bit better; but I haven't had much time or energy to even game while we're in the midst of our busiest season :(#I miss hanging out and chatting with my buds; but the universe insists on keeping us apart :(#just miss having something to look forward to throughout my day. Been trying to fill it with other things; but the depresso is overriding i#Mostly just been me with my thoughts and that is just bad bc I got so many horrors in there lmao.#I wanna at the very least; draw more or game more to distract from it; but work is sapping all my time and energy from it.#but also it's very quiet on my end and it's kicking my overthinking into overdrive so I#Ive just been fighting with my mind lately lmao#hopefully this will all pass soon so I won't obsessively keep thinking about it loll#lol I'd post this in the servers but it's vent art so it feels a bit weird to do; so it's going straight to home video w/o a theater releas#hopefully once work calms down it'll help#(I have so many long shifts makes me so frustrated bc I hate them and I run out of steam half way through)#other than all that I'm doing fine lol. My brain's always been like this; But I usually only get like this during the winter season#(bc of the holidays making everything quiet and also the SAD) so it feels weird having this exact same feeling happen to me in July lol
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alright, friends, it's time for a lil heart-to-heart.
for quite a while now, i've struggled with feeling like the rpc is an actual community. there's a few things that contribute to this feeling, but it mostly comes down to a lack of interaction and visible interest. sometimes i feel very one-sided in my interest and attachment to my mutuals bc when i see their ooc posts or headcanons, i like them or comment, yet this isn't reciprocated by everyone. i can usually guess who i'm about to see in my notifications, and to be absolutely clear, i'm very grateful for those people!! it's a handful or two of you, but it could be just one and i'd be grateful. it's not about numbers whatsoever but rather growing uncomfortable that not all of my mutuals are all that interested in my character or me.
i write on here to share the excitement of creating with other people. i write on here to create together, too, but i'm also here to share characters and ideas and lore with people i know are happy to hear me ramble. i'm just getting to the point in which i'm questioning how many of you are actually happy to listen, and that's just not a good feeling at all. i'm not a mind reader, y'all. if you don't tell or show me that you care about the things i talk about or even about interacting, there's no way for me to know. eventually, i'm going to question why you're following me if i never see or hear from you, and eventually, i'm going to softblock and move on. that's the only way forward i see right now because i just do not feel comfortable on my own blog. i feel like i'm retreating into this quiet bubble to avoid discomfort, and it really sucks. it's killing my muse.
i'm not perfect. none of us are, and we can't be online at all times to catch every little post. but if we're a community, then we should be supporting each other when we can and liking headcanons, liking/commenting on those lil ooc posts that remind us our writing partners are humans with lives outside this site, reblogging their promo posts, sending in that meme they've reblogged even if we're nervous to reach out first -- if we're a roleplaying community, then we need to act like it. " community " implies connection, and a connection doesn't really begin when you follow each other. it begins when you reach out, even if it's in some small way.
tldr: i think we can all do better to support our mutuals and to connect, and i'm going to softblock people rather than continue to feel unsure where i stand with my mutuals. i won't start until sometime next week, and i won't make one of those " like this to remain mutuals " posts. they're not helpful to me, if i'm honest. if you're worried, just reach out. i'm literally a 4'9'' gremlin who sleeps with a m.unchlax plushie -- i promise i'm not scary despite this post uvu
#if i reread this one more time my head will explode asdfg so i'm done and hitting post#i need to stress though i'm very thankful for the people i have connected with in small and big ways <3 it means a lot to me#but i've been told bottling things up isn't a great idea so it's time i was just honest#also i’ve felt like this for a long time#so it’s not the time of year bc i know everyone gets busy during the holidays#i’m just feeling frustrated and tired bc in some instances my efforts do feel one-sided and this hobby is supposed to be an escape#rn it’s not such a great escape for me. i’m trying to be honest so that can change#i’m trying overall to reshape this blog a little in how i run it bc i want us all to have fun and feel seen#that means creating boundaries and being honest and trying new methods so that i don’t get overwhelmed and can actually write and chat#with everyone that i’d like to write and chat with uvu#alright……. i think that’s it after i’ve rambled in the tags asfhjk#i’ll queue this and a bunch of other stuff later when i’ve got time#for now i gotta finish getting ready for work — pls have a lovely day everyone!#get ready to ramble | ooc
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One major factor missing from most debates on Arya and Lyanna's beauty is that they're being judged by their society's extremely patriarchal values. In both looks and personality, that context is essential to understanding how others perceive them. George explores the misogyny experienced by non-conforming women, especially with Arya, and it's interesting how he plays with that regarding their physical beauty.
Her mother used to say she could be pretty if she would just wash and brush her hair and take more care with her dress, the way her sister did. (The Blind Girl, ADWD) "You never knew Lyanna as I did, Robert," Ned told him. "You saw her beauty, but not the iron underneath. She would have told you that you have no business in the melee." (Eddard VII, AGOT)
These two quotes offer a nice summation of this idea. With Arya, her supposed lack of beauty is defined by her being a non-conforming wild child. Her hair is messy, her face is dirty, and she's often in "lower class" clothing while engaging in unladylike activities. None of this says anything about her physical beauty but it tells us everything about how she's perceived. Arya could be pretty...If she conforms to society's standards for a highborn Lady. With Lyanna, however, we get the opposite. Where Arya is judged based on her personality, Robert's romanticization of Lyanna is rooted solely in her looks. He doesn't know anything about the person she really was. There is an assumption that, because she looked a certain way, her personality must fit and Robert imagines her much softer and more passive than she actually was.
That Arya isn't pretty or Lyanna wasn't wild are two perceptions that George specifically pushes back against. This is where people miss the brilliance of them being linked as literary mirrors; it is largely about us learning more about Lyanna, but it touches on more than that. The significance of them being written as wild, willful, and with their own beauty is that George isn't writing his female characters around patriarchal expectations. When people debate their beauty, that's often the trapping they fall into. Beauty and non-conformity are treated as mutually exclusive factors when the story itself never makes that point; this is also the logic that leads people to the (incorrect) conclusion that Lyanna and Arya aren't meant to be similar. Arya's self-esteem issues around her looks and being a Lady make this a topic certain to be addressed in the future; George has made it a part of the story. The conclusion shouldn't be that "looks don't matter", but that looks aren't indicative of a character's value, personality, or morality.
#arya stark#lyanna stark#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#I know we're tired of this topic but I'm going to keep bringing it up until people base their analysis on what's actually in the books#it's not about needing/wanting Arya to be pretty it's about! the story being told#and it's just frustrating that this is such a highly debated topic that lacks all the nuance it's handled with in the source material#among a lot of other reasons people miss this point because they miss the way misogyny is handled in Arya's chapters#they think her being non-conforming mean she has some super special privilege that makes her exempt from it#Arya being pretty is a relatively small part her character but the message behind it contributes to a larger picture#and the biggest shame about this whole debate is that it misses genuinely brilliant writing#it's just absurd to be that /female character being non-conforming and pretty/ is beyond this fandom's comprehension skills#you guys really just want to force them into being flat no-nuance archetypes for easier consumption#Arya and Lyanna...I'm so sorry this fandom can't handle you because they hate women#mind you several people refer to Arya as pretty but apparently every single one of them is lying/unreliable because...reasons#this fandom truly has zero comprehension skills
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