#and I’ve been sick for like 10 days
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Bought myself a large dog bed. Should be here this week!!!! I’m so excited
#arf arf#life is hard#and I’ve been sick for like 10 days#I deserve this#also got a crazy good deal on it
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Something about having to go no contact with a parent that people don’t talk about is how with every life achievement, you think about what it would be like to tell them
#I just started a new job and all I’ve been thinking about lately is if my dad would be proud of me#I haven’t seen or spoken to him since 2019#he has no clue what my life is like right now. he only knows the old childhood version of me#he will never be at my graduation or my wedding#he’ll never see me grow as a person and become an adult#and a part of me misses when things were different and we would spend time together#whenever I was sad or sick he would make me a grilled cheese and tomato soup and to this day I haven’t had a better grilled cheese#it would be dangerous to even reach out and talk to him#I can never see him again#he’s done so many things to hurt me and my family#but a part of me is still the same 10 year old that wanted her dad’s attention#whew sorry for being so personal on here#I just needed to get that out
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I just want to get blasted, either out of my mind or into the sun, I’m not picky
#not me looking into the shitty guidelines for getting approved for medical marijuana in arkansas#yeeeaaaah looks like the process is ridiculously convoluted and pricey so nah#but missouri is just a few hours away so who knows#I hate weed for real. I mean it’s cool but I’ve had some bad experiences#but my anxiety is getting pretty rough and it would just be nice if I could turn my brains to mush every once in awhile#whenever my hearing gets bad I start freaking out and panicking and feeling sick. it suuuuuuucks.#anyway I have about 10 ‘emergency’ klonopin left which I don’t like taking bc I’m a hoarder and hate wasting stuff#like in video games when you stockpile potions but never use them#plus that shit can be addictive and I’m not a fan of that idea#tbh tho I diiiid take one earlier and I’ve been feeling preeeetty mellow#I ate two bowls of ice cream and I’m feeling good#I thought I had a drs appt coming soon to talk about anxiety meds but turns out it’s actually next month 🙄 so gonna reschedule that#anyway this was supposed to be a post about wanting to get blazed but I kinda whined all over these tags#whoops#uhhh…. how are you doing?#have you drank enough water today? for real#god I love ice water with a little lemon juice. I drink so much of that a day. it’s the best.#this isn’t important#if you read all of this then I love you#or at least like you. a little. a little bit. you’re good. I appreciate you.#ok I’m gonna go make coffee now#you can ignore this#text
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there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn
#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon#although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great#whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time#kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’#or at least triggers that i can plan around#the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one#the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni#and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal#i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months#so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point#obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again#i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time#BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT#‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately#personal#but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12#so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes#wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health#and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder#so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test#i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing#might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained
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Lmao beautiful
#now I’m sick. after that last week of hell. and today . totally brutal oh my god#my tonsils are swollen my head is fucking killing me and I either have a fever or I’ve just been working out in the rain and 45 degree#weather all day today and tomorrow too#I hate not having health insurance. I wish I could afford to call out tomorrow I feel so bad.#I’m already beyond broke I got like 6$ to last me a week#I just hate my life so much it’s crazy. like legit#how many times did I almost burst out in tears today too many to count and the worst part is that I can’t go to the bathroom and just take#5 or 10 mins god forbid#oh well maybe this is it
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every time i talk to my boss nowadays it’s me just explaining how i have to miss even more work, it’s driving me insane
#first I keep getting sick#then my cardiology appointments keep cancelling#then I get a /jury duty summons/ like I cannot win!!!#I’ve only been here since the end of September and I’ve missed like 10 days of work and only the first was a ‘personal’ day#because I had taco’s yes to a wedding before I got the job offer :/#rsvp’d who did that autocorrect to TACOS
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#sry for the delay on the prompts the faculty union had us all ready for a week long strike for the first week of classes#THEN AT 10:30 ON MONDAY ANNOUNCED A TENATIVE AGREEMENT AND THAT THE STRIKE WAS OVER#meanwhile a) i’m STILL SICK and b) ITS 10;30 AT NIGHT c) the deal sucks!!!! it will inevitably not get voted for and we will be BACK ON STRI#KE and d) ITS 10:30 AT NIGHT AND NO ONE KNOWS IF THEY HAVE TO ATTEND CLASS TOMORORW#people are still out of the country! some people have work!!! some of the profs have other engagements!!!!! why did you cave on DAY ONE neph#tiations for a shit deal that will inevitably not pass when we had a WEEK planned for ???????????????#and i’ve been scrambling to inform people and figure out if i have to go to campus for hours 👍#i still feel like shit 👍 fun times#anyway doodles will be posted tomorrow
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hi guys omg let’s interact !! send me asks or anything !!
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I should neverrr have accepted this shift. Literally every problem I have would be irrelevant if I didn’t have to go to work today
#guys it is fucking SNOWING in MARCH. we have got flurries and we have got 2 inches already on the ground#and ya girl works ✨at an extremely remote nature preserve which is accessible only by a winding country road that will PROBABLY NOT BE#GRITTED and also who the fuck is going to visit in this weather?? 90% of the activities you can do there involve BEING OUTSIDE#(the other 10% is gift shop and food; the latter of which i am partly responsible for. but like. realistically does anyone go there for food#it’s more like you’re there anyway and you get hungry so you might as well have a coffee and/or a sandwich. we are not starbucks. no one is#coming to me for a machine cappucino and then just leaving because they got everything they came for. it’s more like you come to see some#wildlife and then you see me in my apron looking bored next to a coffee machine and a display of cakes and you think ‘might as well’#the only people coming here specifically for food and then leaving are the people who buy the too good to go bags#and even THEY usually hang out on the reserve a bit. like. you’re here. might as well go see a gannet or two)#so????? to summarise i don’t even know if we’re open today. nobody tells me anything. plus my shift doesn’t even start until 11:30 anyway#my mom’s friend who lives close by is doing a reccy for me but i can’t imagine she’ll find anything pertinent unless she goes at opening#time; which isn’t for another hour#i’ve formed a plan. if no one calls me by 9:45 (past opening time) i’m going to call them and be like ‘hey i’m not coming in; i can’t#physically get there. my village hasn’t been gritted [true] and is basically an ice rink and i’m worried if i get there i might just be#stuck there [also true]. record it as an unpaid absence if you want because i’m not sick or anything’#i’d literally be amazed if they opened tbh. like we’ll get zero customers. they’d have to pay me ~£50 if i went in and will they even make#£50??? a very good question. PLUS there’s two other people working in the cafe with me. and my manager. that’s like.. a solid £200 of wages#on a day when we’d be unlikely to get enough customers to make £200. no way they’ll open; and if they do they won’t want me to come in#like girl what is the point of me coming in to cover the lunch service if we’re basically not going to DO a lunch service lmao#i shouldn’t have accepted this shift when it was offered to me. i should’ve been like ‘no girl i can’t because i don’t want to ❤️#good luck tho’#anyway. we’ll see what happens i guess#personal
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If I think about my cringefail cousin one more fucking time and consider that I may also be a failure like he is I will have to take myself to the sea and walk the fuck into it because fucking what is wrong with youuuuuuuuuu you don’t owe people a functioning body which you don’t have!!! You’re not a fuckup in the way he’s a fuckup, or the one who’s pregnant with Alastor beeron (spelled bron) with her boyfriend as everyone goes aww why won’t they marry they have two kids now and his name is on the property and house oh noooooo
I mean every time I end up somewhere with my mom and grandma I’m like wow. Fuckup grandkids in this family huh??? FUCK
#vent#I feel like I’m being compared#as I can’t work due to being disabled and chronically ill#and in oh occasionally constant pain and can’t work because I’d never get fmla#so I’d run out of sick days and get fired#if I had a job I’d still feel like a fuckup of course#because the goalposts move on you#every fucking time#I’m not being impulsive and the bloodline ends with me#so I fucking win#actually my oldest cousin wins he got the fuck out#best option my dad spent years trying to talk my mom into the option#I have also tried because I’ve been mad at my aunt for like 10 years if not longer#because she stresses my mom out and you don’t fuck with my mom
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How To (Realistically) Make A Habit Of Writing
To clarify: Works with my autism. WORKS WITH MY AUTISM!!! I’ve been meeting my goals since I made them my New Year’s resolution! Anyway I’m so sick of all those ‘how to’ guides that don’t actually tell you what the process is they’re just like ‘just do it, but don’t burn yourself out, do what’s best for you!’ because you’re not telling me what I’m not supposed to be burning myself out over but okay, so I made my own. Hope this helps
1. Choose your fighter metric. What works better for you as a measurement of your progress; time spent writing or your word count? Personally I get very motivated and encouraged by seeing my word count go up and making a note of where it should be when I’m done, so I measure by that. At the same time, a lot of people are also very discouraged by their word count and it can negatively impact their motivation to write, and in that case you may be better off working from how much time you spend writing rather than where the word count is
2. Choose your starter Pokémon time frame. How often can you write before it starts to feel like a chore or a burden rather than something fun you look forward to? Many people believe that they have to write daily, but for some people this can do more harm than good. Maybe every two or three days? Weekly? Figure out what fits your schedule and go with it
3. Choose your funny third joke goal. Now that you’ve got your chosen time frame to complete your goal in, what’s a reasonable goal to aim to complete within that time frame based on the metric you chose? If your metric is your word count, how much can you reasonably and consistently write within your chosen time frame? If your metric is time spent writing, how much time can you reasonably and consistently spend writing within that time? Maybe 1000 words per week works, or maybe 10 minutes per day? The goal here is to find something that works for you and your own schedule without burning you out
4. Trial and error. Experiment with your new target and adapt it accordingly. Most people can’t consistently write 1667 words per day like you do in NaNoWriMo, so we want to avoid that and aim somewhere more reasonable. If you feel like it’s too much to do in such a short time frame, either give yourself less to do or more time to do it in. If you find yourself begrudgingly writing so often that it constantly feels more like a chore than something fun, maybe consider adapting things. And if you think that you gave yourself too much wiggle room and you could do more than this consistently, give yourself more of a challenge. Everything needs to suit you and your pace and needs
5. Run your own race. Don’t feel like you’re not accomplishing enough in comparison to others or not working fast enough to satisfy some arbitrary feeling of doubt. Everybody works at their own pace and slower work doesn’t mean worse work. You could be on one word per day and you’ll still see consistent results, which is still one word per day more than you could originally count on. All progress is progress, regardless of its speed
#habits#writing habits#writing#writers#writeblr#bookblr#book#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity#my writing#writers of tumblr#writer#how to write#on writing#creative writing#write#writers and poets#writblr#writer things#writing tips#writerscreed#writing is hard#writing advice#writing life#writer problems#writer stuff#female writers#queer writers#writersnetwork#writerblr
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Trouble at the Bachelor Party
“Dude! This is sick!”
“Bro, you’re telling me.” Liam replied, as him and his two friends explored the penthouse.
It was fully decked out. A massive flatscreen in the living room, a fully stocked bar, a beautiful view of the beach. It was everything Liam could’ve wanted. Initially, when his soon to be father-in-law offered his penthouse for the bachelor party, Liam was shocked. Mr. Reynolds often used phrases like “irresponsible”, “waste of time”, and “not good enough for my daughter” when talking about Liam. And he wasn’t afraid to let Liam know too.
“Dude! There’s a flatscreen in each bedroom too!” Chris shouted from down the hall, “Fuck, you were right. This guy’s loaded!”
It was true. Liam was marrying the heiress of a massive tech company. And Mr. Reynonds was certainly loaded. But despite his reassurances that he loved Susie, not their money, the older man viewed him suspiciously. Liam came from a pretty humble background and the world of upper class living wasn’t something he was used to. But perhaps letting them use his penthouse was Mr. Reynolds’s way of showing acceptance.
“Okay boys.” Liam said, “We have a few days here. Let’s make ‘em count.” He tossed Jeremy and Chris each a beer. After a quick toast to what was going to be the most incredible bachelor party on Earth, they downed their beers.
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“Lookin’ good.” Liam chuckled as he inspected himself in the mirror, “Can’t believe you’re actually getting hitched.” He flexed his bicep, “Sorry ladies, I’m off the market. Oof, I’ll have to practice that line a bit.” He grinned.
Leaving the bathroom, he found Jeremy sipping a beer on the couch. He was shirtless, wearing a pair of blue swim trunks. His dark brown hair was well styled, and his face clean shaven. He had that boy-next- door look that caused the ladies to swoon.
“Yo Jeremy, what’s up?”
“Not much, just texting Sarah.” He replied, “I forgot to let her know I got here safe and she’s pissed.”
“Oh shit dude.” Liam patted his friend on the back, “I feel for you.” Sarah could be scary when she was angry, but otherwise she was a solid 10. Liam looked forward to the day Jeremy proposed.
“All good.” Jeremy sighed, “Where the fuck is Chris?” Liam shrugged, “He kept me up all fucking night. Fucker must’ve been horny. I’ve never heard anyone moan so loud in my life.”
“Not even Sarah?” Jeremy didn’t seem amused.
“Seriously, we need to get him a girlfriend or something.”
Liam chuckled, “I guess I slept through it.”
“Lucky you.” The door to Chris's room suddenly opened and both men turned.
“Hey boys, sorry to keep you waiting!” The sing songy voice threw them both off, and Liam’s jaw dropped when he saw Chris. His muscles were proudly on display as always. But it was the tight speedo showing off his impressive bulge that shocked him, “Oh, is something wrong?” His voice carried a breathy sultriness, which was unusual for their bro.
“Dude, I’m not one to judge, but don’t you think that’s a bit risqué?” Jeremy asked, raising an eyebrow, “What would Jesus say?” It was well known Chris was religious. In fact, Liam and Chris had met at their college’s church.
Chris shrugged and ran a hand through his curly light brown hair, “Oh this? You like?” He grinned and did a quick pose, “Come on boys, we’re burning daylight!” He said, sauntering towards the door.
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The walk to the beach was uncomfortable. Chris walked ahead of his two buddies at an unusually fast pace, his firm ass jiggling with each step. Liam didn’t even know where to begin. What the fuck had gotten into Chris? Usually they’d have to drag him to parties and give him pep talks to boost his confidence. But now? He was certainly turning heads.
“Wait, guys! Did you see that?” Chris asked, turning to his friends and waving excitedly, “That guy over there was totally checking me out!”
“Um, so what?” Jeremy asked, “Why do you care?”
“Do you think I should go after him? He was totally cute. And that ass- just wow.” Liam and Jeremy’s eyes widened, “What?”
“Are you gay?” Liam asked bluntly.
Chris placed a hand to his chin and shrugged, “Like totally! Since like forever probably.”
“Makes sense.” Jeremy said, “Repressed religious guys. It’s a thing.” But Liam was still having a somewhat hard time believing it. Was all their prior bro talk really a lie?
“Oh! He’s getting away!” Chris whined, “I’ll catch up with you later!” He blew them each a kiss and briskly walked over to the man from earlier, leaving Liam shook.
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Hours went by without hearing from Chris, and Liam’s mood tanked. Jeremy tried to cheer him up back at the penthouse. Beers and the big game on a flatscreen. Should’ve been perfect. But it wasn’t. Liam knew that Chris being gay shouldn’t matter. Good for him, right?
“Oh my god, that was incredible.” Chris said, gasping as he entered the penthouse, “How are my two besties doing?”
“Would’ve liked you around.” Liam replied, “It’s my bachelor party after all.”
Chris dramatically placed a hand to his sweaty chest, “Sue me for having fun!” His voice cracked and he headed towards his room, “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my room.”
Liam didn’t reply. Sure, Chris is gay. Fine. But acting like a stereotypically fruity drama queen? That didn’t make sense to him. He turned to Jeremy.
“Look, its late and I’m tired. The game sucks anyway.” He said, “I’m off to bed.”
“Same bro. Gotta be up early for our tee time anyway.”
They went to their respective bedrooms. Once there, Jeremy sighed. He hated seeing his friend like this, but what could he do? Talk to Chris maybe? He'd try to salvage this party. But when he finally got comfortable in bed, the TV suddenly turned on. He was greeted by static.
“Weird.” He mumbled. He tried to turn it off with the remote, but failed. Sighing, he got out of bed to turn it off. But as he got closer, he could hear a voice. It was soft, but forceful.
“You are a gay slut. You like to fuck men.”
Jeremy raised an eyebrow, “What the fuck?” He whispered. But the voice only got louder.
“You are a gay slut. Your dick only gets hard for men.” Jeremy felt woozy as the voice reverberated in his head.
“No, I’m straight... I like...” He moaned loudly as the voice drowned out his thoughts. At this point, the screen was flashing various scenes of gay porn and Jeremy’s dick started to swell, “No... fuck...” He breathed out, “I-I... ughhh.” He tried to imagine tits and his nights with Sarah. But these thoughts were instead swapped out with images of juicy, jiggling bubble butts and twerking men.
“You are a dominant top. You only fuck men.”
“I-I’m a gay slut?” Jeremy questioned, “I only like to fuck men?” That didn't sound right. Right? He never...
"You are a dominant top. Twinks are lucky to ride your dick."
His eyes became half lidded and vacant as the words carved his new reality.
“I’m a dominant top. Twinks are lucky to ride this cock." He said confidently, "I am a gay slut.”
Soon, the room filled with his pleasure-filled moans, his new reality taking hold over him.
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When Liam entered the living room the next morning, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Jeremy was aggressively caressing Chris’s face, as the two made out on the couch with their erect dicks on full display.
“What the fuck?” Liam gasped as the two men turned towards him.
“Oh Liam! Good morning!” Chris sang, ending his kiss with Jeremy.
“Fuck, just who we were waiting for.” Jeremy commented in a lower, more gravelly voice, “We have something for you.”
“No, this is fucked. What the fuck?” Liam fumed, “What about Sarah? What were you thinking?”
Jeremy shrugged, “I only like fucking men.”
Liam shook his head, “No way, fuck that.” He replied, taking a step back.
“Oh goodness, you’re upset!” Chris whined, “No Liam baby, its okay. Here, watch this.”
Before Liam could say anything, Chris turned on the TV. Static filled his field of vision. But then he heard it. Faint at first, but present nonetheless.
“You are a gay slut.” It said, and Liam grabbed his head.
“What the fuck?” He cursed, stumbling slightly.
The voice was echoing from within his head. Desperately, he moved towards the TV, wanting to shut it off. But Jeremy grabbed his arm firmly and forced him to sit between them. Liam tried to fight back, to get away from his two friends, but he felt so disoriented. The voice continued.
“You are a gay slut. You like taking cock.” It said.
Liam yelped as a needle entered his skin. He looked down to see Chris dump the contents of a syringe into his arm.
“Wh-what was that?” Liam slurred.
“Don’t worry, cutie. Just listen to the voice.” He giggled.
Liam groaned as the voice got louder and louder, “You are a gay slut. A slutty bottom. You love taking cock.”
Liam looked down and watched as his body hair started to disappear. Gone was his light dusting of chest and belly hairs, leaving him smooth. At the same time, the scruff framing his face vanished. He looked over to Jeremy, who smirked at this new development.
“Oh look at that! It’s totally working!” Chris giggled.
“No shit. Reynolds must’ve given us the good stuff.” Jeremy remarked, slowly massaging his cock.
“The good stuff?” Liam slurred, his voice cracking, “Like, what are you talking about?”
“Good because I was getting bored.” Chris sighed, “I mean, Jeremy baby, you’re an expert kisser, but like, I need a hole.” Jeremy nodded in agreement.
“A hole?” Liam whispered.
He let out a pained moan as his body temperature suddenly spiked. Sweat poured from him as his musculature dwindled away. His hard earned muscles atrophied before his terrified eyes. His bulging biceps and triceps became thin and lean, while his juicy pecs rapidly deflated. In a matter of minutes, years of workouts and optimal dieting were undone, leaving Liam slim and fragile.
“Wow, he’s so light now.” Jeremy chuckled as he man-handled his friend onto his lap. Liam yelped at the sensation of Jeremy’s erect cock grinding against his hole.
“Oh and he’s gotten shorter too! What a cutie.” Chris cooed.
“Ah, ass is still bony though.” Jeremy commented, giving it a firm squeeze.
But Liam barely registered any of this. Instead, his thoughts were filled with the words echoing from the TV. His eyes became half-lidded at this point and his resistance was fading.
“You’re just a bottom, a hole to be used by other men. You are a gay slut.” The words continued, “You like being used by other men. Your only pleasure is from getting fucked.”
“I-I’m straight... I like... I like tits.” He knew his voice sounds more feminine somehow and he cringed, “I’m a straight man.” Jeremy and Chris smirked, “I-I...” images of men getting fucked in all kinds of positions flashed on the TV, “Ohhhh I... I... I’m a...” Liam’s handsome face lost its masculine edge and his hair became lighter in color. At the same time, his cock started to shrink. Inch after inch lost as it retracted back, “Noooooo.... not my cock...” He moaned, tears now stinging at his eyes. His manhood, his masculinity. It was being stolen from him. And he was unable to stop it.
“Your only pleasure comes from your ass.”
Liam moaned again and this time his ass started to fill with jiggly fat. He could feel the extra padding build upon itself, his slim cheeks turning into mounds of soft flesh. And as Jeremy squeezed his ass again, pleasure filled his slim frame.
“Much better.” Jeremy remarked, his fingers massaging Liam’s hole, “Fuck, this is gonna feel so good.”
“Mhmm.” Chris replied, grabbing his own fistful of Liam’s juicy ass.
“Ohhhhhhhh yesssssss.” Liam slurred.
“So, what are you?” Jeremy asked.
“I-I’m...” Part of him didn’t want to say it. Didn’t want to acknowledge it. But as his lips plumped up into gorgeous cock suckers, and Jeremy’s teasing fingers penetrated him deeper, Liam was drowning in too much pleasure to care, “I...I...” The voice was so loud. It egged him on, beckoned him to admit his new truth. He wanted- no needed- to be like the men on the screen. To be fucked and used by other men. Who was he kidding? He knew what he was, “I’m like a total gay slut! I love cock.” He turned his head to look at Jeremy, then Chris, “Please daddies, use me! I need your cocks!” He begged.
And his new lovers were happy to oblige.
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In the afterglow of sex, the three men sat panting heavily on the couch. Liam was curled up between his two lovers, still rubbing their dicks. Despite draining them each multiple times over, he needed more. But his horny thoughts were interrupted by a video call. He grabbed his phone and smiled.
“Hey Mr. Reynolds!” Liam slurred, “Like, we love your penthouse.”
Mr. Reynolds grinned, “I can tell.” His eyes sparkled with satisfaction, “Look at you Liam. My god. You turned out better than expected. The boys at the lab earned their salaries with this one.” Liam nodded along, not really understanding the implication, “How do you feel?”
“Like a total gay slut.” He grinned, “And I love it, like so much, Mr. Reynolds.”
“Well I’m glad to hear.” he chuckled, “And are your friends treating you well?” Liam adjusted the phone so the older man could see his two lovers, who were both fast asleep, “Well looks like you have two very satisfied customers.”
Liam grinned, “Like totally.” A sense of satisfaction filling him, “Oh! Like, can you let Susie know the wedding is off? I’m like, so sorry.”
“Of course, it would be my pleasure. She’ll understand.” Mr. Reynolds replied- mission accomplished, “Now, get back to your party. Enjoy the penthouse for as long as you want.”
Liam’s eyes lit up, “OMG thank you!” The call ended, “Did you hear that?” Liam asked, his two lovers stirring awake.
And so their party continued- and it would for days. Their lives forever changed, and them none the wiser to it. But if their pleasure filled moans were anything to judge by, they certainly weren’t complaining.
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#I can’t tell if my mom just woke up to go to the bathroom or if she’s leaving to go to the house again#the handover is tomorrow#I’m thinking she’s getting ready to leave#I should get ready too and force her to bring me with her even though I’m still sick lmaooo#bc I feel like shit about all of this#and how little I’ve been able to do#thank goodness I’m a ridiculously light sleeper even when I’m sick#the other days she left around 10#I had an alarm for 8:30 but she’s been up since 7 I should hurry#my mom never asks for help even though she’s working herself to death
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BRUTALLY HONEST effects of hitting my UGW of 45 kg / 100 lbs
So as I’ve mentioned on my blog, I hit my ugw of 45kg in 2020 and since been in recovery (recently rel4psed) and wanted to list some effects of being underw3ight that I noticed.
1. Food allergies. I got sensitive to several foods and drinks while being underweight. Some of them I can consume again after years of recovery. These include: Extreme sensitivity to caffeine & coffee (feel like i’m sick, still can’t consume it and it used to be my fave). Sensitivity to raw vegetables. Lactose intolerance.
2. Heart problems. I have unexplained heart problems since being underweight. I will get suddenly get an abnormally high bpm (200+) while resting at completely random times. This is scary and extremely painful. It hurts in my entire body, feel like I can’t breathe and my jaw hurts. Can last for 5-45 min and will leave me unable to do anything in that time period. Will leave me tired for 2-3 days. Has been happening less in the last year of recovery. Not anxiety related.
3. Memory loss. I would completely forget my sentence in the middle of it. I would forget the entire day and every small detail. Been experiencing both long term and short term memory loss since being underweight. Still struggling with retaining information.
4. Speech problems. Probably related to memory loss. I spoke extremely slow and struggled with forming sentences, and I still do. I struggle with remembering words and will sometimes take a while to form a coherent sentence.
5. Less picky. Incredibly enough, I have become way less picky since being underweight as starving made me desire ANY food available. This has made me appreciate every small taste. Great for learning to eat less desirable “healthy” foods.
6. Loss of good judgement. When I was underweight I had little to no self reflection in my actions. I had my values and morals but the lines seemed to blur as my ability to think properly depleted and I started acting more unconsciously attention seeking and egocentric, without my knowledge. This was in all aspects of my life. I thought I was in complete control but regained common knowledge as soon as I recovered.
7. Constipation. When at my lowest weight, I was constantly constipated and bloated. Laxatives did not work.
8. People acted differently. People treated me completely differently and started treating me like a child and as if I was stupid. They also gave me more compliments and were nicer to me in general. I noticed other girls felt more awkward around me compared to when I was heavier.
9. Mood swings. No shocker but being underweight made my mood swing a lot. I would cry over nothing and act out incredibly when things didn’t turn out. I also acted more kind and timid towards others in general than I used to. I was more careful with hurting others and more sensitive and empathetic in general.
10. Hair growth. I didn’t really notice my hair growing faster on my body but my hair on my head got a lot longer.
Honorable mentions: Constant unexplained bruising, constant cold feeling, feeling sick almost every day, childish behaviour in general, didn’t feel mature and indulged in very childish hobbies & likes. Dumbed myself down on purpose a lot due to memory loss & speech issues.
#4norexla#⭐️rving#⭐️ve#4n@diary#4nor3xia#low cal restriction#thinspø#tw ana bløg#high cal restriction#light as a feather#light as a 🪶#tw 3d vent#tw thinspi#tw skipping meals#tw ana rant#4n0rexic#4n4blr#4n4rexia
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sharing the bed with seventeen
how they sleep next to you
seungcheol
tucks you into his side and keeps you there all night
will not let you move, even if you complain that it’s too hot
his dramatic ass will say that he’ll die if he can’t sleep with you in his arms
pouts at you if you don’t go to bed at the same time as him
if you want to stay up later to watch tv he’ll stay up with you, falling asleep in your lap on the couch while you watch your show
“baby, just go to bed without me”
“i can’t get comfortable unless i’m with you”
jeonghan
a little shit
teases you whenever you want to cuddle up with him
but if you refuse to cuddle him he’ll pout until you cave
if you try sleeping away from him he’ll pull you over to him and smother you
loves to feel like he’s protecting you
always the big spoon, needs to be holding you instead of the other way around
“can i be the big spoon tonight?”
“no”
“but-!”
“absolutely not”
joshua
loves his personal space
literally cannot fall asleep if he’s touching someone, which he feels bad about
but at least he can sleep next to you!
will try to read you bedtime stories to make up for it
googles ‘best bedtime stories’ and ends up reading you goldilocks and the three bears
“why are you reading me a child’s bedtime story?”
“shhh we’re getting to the best part”
jun
blanket hog
you’ll have to sleep with an extra blanket next to your side of the bed so you can pull it on when you wake up in the cold
will claim that he’s not doing anything and you’re just imagining it
even when he hogs all the blankets he’s still searching for your touch
so, you might wake up cold but your hand is warm, engulfed in his
at this point you’ve stopped mentioning it to him so he doesn’t feel bad
plus the warmth of his hand is enough to show you he loves you
“i didn’t steal all the blankets again, did i?”
“nope”
hoshi
nuzzles his head in your neck
likes to be as close as possible
literally a baby tiger
so what if he feels safe in your arms? sue him
likes it when you talk about your day or tell him a story, your voice soothes him to sleep
“can you tell me the one about when you fell off your bike again?”
“honey, i’ve told you that story 10 times already”
“but it helps me sleep!”
wonwoo
surprisingly, is the little spoon
he’s sick of having to be so strong, loves being babied by you
gets sad when you go to sleep first, but he’s playing video games deep into the night, so who’s really to blame here?
but, will feel even worse if you stay up late just for him
“are you ready to sleep yet?”
“just one more round”
“fine, i’m going to sleep without you then”
“no, wait!”
jihoon
usually doesn't sleep until very late
is always working on producing and will even spend nights in his studio
when he comes home you're almost always sleeping already, he feels bad that he can't hold you and soothe you to sleep
but he opts for crawling into bed and holding you while you sleep
you'll subconsciously curl up into him, it always makes him smile
you constantly badger him about getting more sleep and he always promises that he will (he won't but he knows it eases your mind)
“when did you get back last night?”
“not too long after you fell asleep, don't worry”
(he came home after you'd been asleep for 5 hours)
minghao
doesn’t tell you that he does/doesn’t like cuddling
literally just doesn’t give you any information
some days you’ll wake up in his arms and then other days you’ll wake up about to be kicked off the bed
but, even if you wake up away from him when you try to get out of bed he’ll grab your arm and keep you there
“don’t leave me”
“i was just going to make breakfast”
“i said don’t leave me” :(
mingyu
smothers you
literally will not let you breathe
claims he needs to hold you to fall asleep, pouts if you don’t let him
you can try to put a barrier of pillows between you but you always wake up in a death grip
“you’re sleeping on the couch until further notice”
“i promise i won’t do it again!”
he does it again.
seokmin
cuddle bug ™
loves being close to you, absolutely obsessed with skinship
genuinely cannot sleep if he’s not holding you which is why it’s so hard for him to get sleep when he’s overseas
plays with your hair while you’re asleep
will not get out of bed without you, so he’ll just lay in bed and watch your sleep until you wake up
“have you been watching me sleep?”
“of course, i could never get bored of your beauty”
“you’re a sap”
“funny way of acknowledging that i’m madly in love with you”
seungkwan
big old teddy bear
sleeps peacefully as long as you two are smushed together in any kind of way
big spoon, little spoon, he doesn’t care if it’s with you
let’s you play with his hair, plays with your hair
he just loves you so much he’ll take whatever he can get
going to bed with you is his favorite time of the day
“kwannie? i’m tired, you ready for bed?”
“always”
vernon
very specific about how he sleeps
quite literally cannot sleep if he’s cuddling, also says it’s impractical
will link his pinky with yours or grab your hand in his sleep, though
if you wake up and get out of bed before him he’ll pout a little bit, he likes spending time in bed with you
your presence next to him is enough, even if you think you’re bothering his routine
“you sure i’m not messing up your sleep by being here?”
“i’d never not want to be with you”
dino
wants to be a cuddler but is a kicker
you can fall asleep in each others arms but you will be woken up by him kicking you and pushing you nearly off the bed
you’ll try and get back to a normal position with him but he will still kick you, making you grab a pillow and blanket and go sleep in the guest room
he’ll wake up to an empty and cold bed and feel absolutely horrible
will rush into your guest room and shake you awake
“did i do it again? :(”
“don’t worry about it, honey”
#seventeen fluff#seventeen imagine#seventeen imagines#seventeen x reader#svt fluff#svt imagine#svt imagines#svt x reader#seventeen scenario#svt scenarios#svt scenario#seventeen scenarios#mingyu x reader#mingyu fluff#scoups x reader#scoups fluff#wonwoo x reader#wonwoo fluff#vernon x reader#vernon fluff#jeonghan x reader#jeonghan fluff
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rubber duck
in which reader is sick and spencer takes care of his girl!!
fluff (18+ for nudity) warnings/tags: reader referred to as girl, non-sexual undressing + nudity/intimacy, reader takes bath, spencer doesn't but he is in fact present a/n: heeeeyyy guys.... sorry for not posting for a month... accept this as a token of my gratitude and know that smut is in the works. keep sending requests, might not answer them but you never knoww!!
Spencer gets home around ten PM. Granted, it’s not a completely unreasonable time for someone to be asleep, but for you? A person who’d rather not go to bed at all than wake up before eight in the morning? You being passed out on the couch at this time is definitely abnormal.
He drops his bag on the coffee table as he approaches, kneeling next to where you’re curled up in the dark room. Part of him doesn’t want to wake you if you’re tired, but he’s mildly concerned. Normally after him being away all week you’ll stay up until he gets home regardless of how late (or early) it is. Ambient light coming in through the window allows him to see the sickly sheen to your skin, and he feels your forehead with the back of his hand.
“Spence?” you murmur, trying to blink the sleep out of your eyes. His response is equally quiet, wavering slightly.
“Hey. Are you feeling okay, angel?”
Even though you decidedly are not, your spirit lifts considerably at the sight of him in front of you. A wave of caramel hair falls over his furrowed brow as he scans your face, looking for signs that something is wrong. You brush it away, hand coming to rest on his cheek.
“I’m fine. I missed you a lot.”
Your voice is a paper-thin whisper, giving you away even as you try to downplay your condition.
“I missed you too, but I’m a little worried. You’re pretty warm.” His eyes dart away from your face and down your body, seeming to notice your attire for the first time. “Did you go to work?”
“I tried to. But I had to come home at early. I guess I didn’t make it all the way to bed.”
This seems to worry him even more, if the way his eyes narrow and the line of his mouth tightens is anything to go by.
“How long have you been asleep?”
“Well... what time is it?” you ask sheepishly, still disoriented.
“10:20.”
“Oh god,” you moan, burying your face into a pillow (which does not make breathing any easier through all the congestion), “I’ve been sleeping for eight hours!” Panic wells in your chest at the ridiculous notion that you somehow lost an entire day to sleep. "I didn't mean to-"
“Shh, relax, it's fine. Your immune system works a lot more efficiently when you’re asleep. It’s the best thing you can do when you’re sick. Studies show that melatonin may actually be an effective antiviral, and people who sleep seven hours a night are 300% less likely to develop an illness than people who sleep only five hours a night.”
Despite yourself, you smile into the pillow at his unprompted information dump.
“So... am I... 500% more likely to be better tomorrow?”
He laughs, running a hand through your hair.
“I don’t even know where you got that number.”
“I failed statistics in high school,” you mutter, pushing yourself up onto an elbow.
“Honey, that’s Algebra.”
You bury your face in your hand and laugh at your own stupidity- before it devolves into a coughing fit.
“Ugh, I’m sorry. I know you hate germs,” you say once you’ve managed to get the coughing under control. You look at his face, but there are no signs of disgust or fear.
“I could never hate your germs. But I am worried about the cough... do you think a bath would help?”
You mull it over. Part of you wants to rot on the couch forever, but the more rational part knows you should definitely get up and try to take care of yourself. With a helping hand from Spencer you rise, stumbling into his waiting arms like a foal on shaky legs. Immediately you feel fatigued, but he patiently guides you to the bedroom and sits you on the mattress before disappearing into the adjoining bathroom.
For a few minutes the only sound aside from you catching your breath is the tub filling from the other room. Soon he returns, to find you curled up on the bed and barely conscious once more.
“Oh, sweetheart,” he sighs, gathering you up in his arms and helping you to your feet once more. “You really don’t feel good, huh?”
You shake your head, allowing yourself to be carefully herded into the bathroom. Spencer moves to sit on the edge of the steaming tub, pulling you forward gently by your belt loops. Deftly he begins to undo your jeans as you fumble with the buttons on your shirt.
“I feel like I’m dying,” you groan. He glances up at you.
“I wish you would have told me you were sick. I would have come home earlier.”
“I thought about it,” you admit sheepishly, “but I figured better I be sick and alone than more people potentially end up dead because I’m too needy.”
Your boyfriend sighs, resting his hands on your hips as he looks up at you with a mix of earnestness and admonishment.
“At least tell me next time. I don’t like the idea of you here all alone without anyone knowing you’re ill.” His fingers press gently into your flesh to emphasize his point. “Okay?”
“Okay,” you agree softly, without hesitation. Spencer’s expression softens too, and he leans forward to press a kiss to your sternum.
“In,” he directs after you wiggle out of your jeans, getting out of the way and helping you into the water. He watches as you carefully submerge yourself, a little tense as if he’s ready to jump into action at any second. “Is it too warm? I tried not to make it too hot because your body temperature is al-”
“It’s perfect,” you reassure, sinking further in. Steam billows up around you and you sniff. “Lavender?”
Spencer nods, settling on the floor next to you.
“And mint. I’m surprised you can actually smell it.”
Normally you’d tease him for his fussing, but the minty steam really does seem to be helping you breathe a bit easier. After only a few minutes, you feel noticeably better.
“Will you read to me?” you ask dropping your head to your shoulder to look at him.
He’s leaning against the wall and monitoring you with a contented look on his face. At the suggestion his eyebrows raise.
“Of course. What do you want to hear?”
“Fairytales. But only the super gory ones. The more disturbing the better.”
“What? No Jane Austen?”
“Ugh, no. I need to hear about terrible things happening to beautiful princesses so I can feel seen.”
A small smirk graces his lips as he regards you, eyes sparkling with humor and thinly veiled affection.
“You are utterly ridiculous.”
“You have to be nice to me when I’m sick,” you whine, slinking lower into the bubbles. Spencer hums in sympathy, running his hand through the water to check the temperature before trailing his knuckles over your arm.
“My poor sick girl,” he teases. You huff indignantly, attempting to hide the way his words make you melt into the bathwater.
“Just get the book, Spencer.”
“Yes ma’am.” He kisses your forehead (covertly gauging your fever, you’re sure) before pushing off the ground. You watch him leave, heart overflowing with adoration even though you still feel sick. Maybe it’s the bath that’s helping, or maybe it’s just his presence.
A minute later he returns to his post beside you bearing Grimm’s Fairytales and a tall glass of water, which he tells you to drink all of before he starts reading. Regardless of how unwell you feel, you find the energy to make sarcastic comments about the characters’ intelligence and the implausibility of the plot (it’s a fairytale, Spencer reminds you) but soon the soothing cadence of his voice enthralls you. The illustrations and the story capture your imagination as you rest your head and arms on the side of the tub.
More time has gone by than you realize when you begin to shiver in the now lukewarm water. Spencer notices, finally setting the book down.
“Ready to get out?”
You nod and he helps you step out of the tub, pulling you close and wrapping you with a fluffy towel. Absolutely no heed is given to the state of his own clothing as your wet skin soaks his shirt, or his own health as he breathes in your air.
“I’m gonna get you sick, Spence,” you say anxiously, making a feeble attempt to pull away. Spencer doesn’t even begin to allow it, holding you even tighter. The honesty of his words is reflected in his eyes as he looks down at you adoringly.
“I can live with the idea of spending a few days at home together.”
You lean into him further, too tired to hold much of your own weight up.
“I can’t believe you have to intentionally get sick to get time off work.”
“You’re definitely worth it.” He kisses the top of your head and rubs your back for a moment.
“And to think,” you muse, the words muffled by his shirt, "when we first met, you wouldn’t even shake my hand.”
#criminal minds#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fic#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x you#criminal minds fic
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