#I wish I could evaporate or be 10 again or even 18 maybe but even then I was so miserable in other ways

[dreamyberry]

/19.1.25

[juletheghoul]

Burning Hour (Part 3)

This series has completely taken over my life and I am so happy you are all enjoying it so much - thank you for all of the lovely messages and comments - I treasure them deeply.

So - you shouldn't be surprised that this particular moment on the red carpet absolutely inspired a scene in this story and I regret nothing. Hope you all enjoy this fantasy that's keeping me going lol.

Din Djarin x F!Reader (Virgin reader)

Pairing: Din x F!Reader

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: (18+ NO MINORS) Angst, pining, slow-burn, implied arranged marriage, language, age-gap (about 10-11 years, legal, reader is of age) Yearning, jealousy, fingering/touching / slight dirty talk (slightly possessive)

Let me know if I missed anything!

reblogs are appreciated

Masterlist Series Masterlist Part 4

—

You floated through the morning.

Your dreams were full of kisses, of declarations of love and beskar glinting under the sun and it was hard to concentrate on anything.

You smiled to yourself as you broke your fast with warm bread and butter, feeling his eyes on you from his place behind your father.

“Your highness-” Your father’s advisor came through the door holding the usual paperwork, things for him to look over, letters to read. “-A letter has come for the Princess.” He turned to you then with a smile. He was an old man, grandfatherly and sweet. He handed it to you and you noticed from the corner of your eye Din’s helmet turn towards you.

It was a small letter and you noticed how beautiful the script was as you opened it.

Dearest Princess,

I would be honoured if you were to join me here at my home for dinner. My messenger awaits your response and if you agree, I will send my personal household guard to accompany you. I also imagine your knight will be in attendance, I welcome him and whoever else you choose to bring at my table. Ruby as well of course.

Hoping you’ll say yes.

Ever yours,

Poe. D.

“It’s from Poe, he asks that I join him this evening for dinner.” You were frowning at the letter, conflicted because you wanted to stay home, wanted to meet Din in the garden again. A tiny part of you however, the tiniest part wanted to say yes - wanted to see how Poe would behave. Part of you wanted him to do something unforgivable to wipe the smiles off your parents faces.

“Oh but you must go!” Your father’s voice boomed through the room and you imagined that you could almost hear Din’s jaw clenching.

“Yes my darling, you must go. What does the letter say?” Your mother held her hand out and you handed it to her. She smiled as she read it. “Din, you must accompany her.” She was smiling big, excited at the prospect of a match having been made. No one bothered to ask if you wanted to go.

“Yes of course, let his messenger know that the Princess will be in attendance. She will go, Din- I leave her safety in your hands. Take you who must.” It had been decided for you, and you had to accept it. You felt Mila’s hand grasp yours under the table in understanding.

-

“Which gown would you like to wear your highness?” She asked sadly as you put on your undergarments and you sighed.

Whichever one makes everyone leave me alone.

“Whichever you think would look best sweetling, I have no preference.” You said the words and they were honest. Yes - Poe was charming and sweet, handsome and in another life you would have been faint with excitement at his interest in you but you were in love with Din. He was the one you wanted to share a meal with. He was the one you wanted to kiss in the open - to have holding your hand as you sat together in front of the hearth. He was the one you wanted in your bed.

“How about this one?” She held out a lovely powder blue gown. You would have said no, something more plain but you had to be seen to be making an effort.

“Yes, that will do nicely.” You smiled but it didn’t reach your eyes. She didn’t comment on it.

“I will tie a blue ribbon around Ruby’s neck to match, and I think you have some sapphires as well.” She brought over a tray of jewelry for you to peruse while she laced up your gown.

Your mind drifted to an interesting place. You imagined you were preparing for dinner with Din and imagined your knight picking out jewels for you to wear.

Would he prefer diamonds? Would he like me better in opals or emeralds?

You had a feeling he wouldn’t mind either way, but it was lovely to pretend even for a moment. She placed a dark blue cloak about your shoulders and stood back.

“You look beautiful Princess, the blue looks lovely against your skin.” She held up a silvered looking glass and you saw the reflection of a happy woman, although why she was happy - no one could know.

“Thank you sweetling, let's get this night over with shall we?” You smiled at her as you both made your way outside.

---

Din, along with five of his best knights, waited for her to set out for Damerons home. Damerons own household guard waited as well, having been sent to accompany her and he surveyed them. They seemed competent enough, he gave them their space nonetheless.

It was getting more and more difficult to put the future out of his mind - he knew that the Princess would marry at some point, it was her duty as Queen. She might even marry Poe - he knew that objectively they were a good match but his mind simply couldn’t stay objective. Not when it came to her.

This whole thing was moving faster than he hoped and he didn’t know what he could do about it.

You have to face facts Djarin, you’ll never marry her. You are a knight, she is a Princess, there is no place for you. Maybe you should just let her go.

It was in him to do so, to ignore his feelings for her; to find Gisela and ask her to marry him - have a couple of little ones and pray for things to work out. The harsh words to get her to hate him on the tip of his tongue but they evaporated like dew on a sunny day when he saw her come out to meet him.

She was a gem- a bright, glittering thing that he wanted so desperately to hold onto.

“I am ready Sir, shall we?” She smiled shyly and he nodded.

“Of course Princess, allow me.” He guided her into the wheelhouse, dreading and cherishing every single second.

--

The ride was uneventful, the road was quiet thankfully with nothing to see but long swathes of trees and greenery in the gloaming of the evening.

Ruby was napping softly in your lap but woke quickly when you arrived, her little tail wagging happily at the prospect of exploring.

“Yes my little darling - we are here.” She was in Mila’s arms when you pet her, the two of you waiting for the wheelhouse to come to a stop.

Din opened the door for you, he was helping you climb down when you heard Poe’s voice sounding out.

“Princess, I am so pleased you agreed to come-” He was striding over, his squire on his heels. “-I am happy to see you all. Please - be welcome.” He was smiling big at everyone as his guards retreated, no doubt returning to their posts. He crouched quickly to pet Ruby before approaching you.

“Hello Poe, I thank you for your invitation.” You smiled as you took in your surroundings. His home was a beautiful sprawling estate. He must have been wealthier than you thought. “You must give me a tour of the grounds - I would love to see the gardens.” You smiled at him as he offered you his arm.

“Of course Princess, I will show you whatever you wish after our meal - unless you’d like to go now?” He paused for a moment.

“After dinner would be just fine.” You answered as he guided all of you inside.

--

You weren’t sure what to expect about his home when the letter had come in earlier but it was a pleasant surprise. There were fresh cut flowers everywhere, painstakingly detailed tapestries hung up on the walls as you made your way to the large dining room. Lush carpets and plush chairs, truly a man who enjoyed his comforts.

“You have a lovely home Poe.” You smiled as he led you to your seat.

“I thank you Princess -“ He turned to Din and the other Mandalorians waiting by the table. “-Please, sit with us. I meant what I said, you are all welcome at my table.” He gestured to them to sit.

“I do not wish to intrude, we would be happy to eat with the rest of your household guard.” Din replied, his voice was clipped however.

“Nonsense. I insist, I dare say the Princess would be more comfortable if you were to join us.” He said it with an easy smile and Din hesitated slightly before agreeing. They all sat, lining their helmets up before them.

Din barely spoke.

He had never been one for long speeches - you were unsure whether it was because of the helmet, or just his nature. The other Mandalorians were friendlier and Poe took it all in stride. You could see that he took nothing personal and treated them just as he treated you.

Aside from Din’s cool demeanor and Poe’s etiquette, the dinner went well. The food was wonderful and you didn’t fail to notice some of your favourites on the menu.

“I took the liberty of finding out what you like to eat.” He said it quietly, not wanting to draw attention and you favoured him with a smile. It was hard not to like him, he was very thoughtful.

Once the meal was done, he fulfilled his promise and escorted you outside. It was much more open than the gardens back home - everything illuminated by torches and lanterns. There were flowers and neatly pruned shrubbery surrounding the large building. You noticed a stable on one side, as well a modest greenhouse on the other.

“It’s nothing compared to what you’re used to but I enjoy it. The kennels are just behind the stables and there are flowers and different fruit trees just to the right there - that’s where they get the most sun. I’m afraid the night doesn’t do it justice, it’s much lovelier during the day.” He was walking you through the grounds, your arm tucked under his as your party followed.

“It’s lovely, truly.” You were sincere and you couldn’t help but look up, the sky awash in stars. “I would imagine you must spend a lot of time out here.” You let him guide the way.

“Not as often as I'd like to, but I try. Perhaps when we marry I’ll make more of an effort.” He said it with a wink and you scoffed loudly but without malice.

“Oh is that so? Well then I suppose I’ll have to change some things around since in your mind I’ll live here hm?” Your tone was playful but sarcastic and you were acutely aware of Din following the two of you.

“Oh yes Princess, I am quite sure. My home is yours and you may do with it what you will. I live only to make you happy.” He was just as playful and as annoyed as you were that he was so confident in your union, it was also aggravatingly refreshing to be able to speak to someone so honestly - better yet for them to respond in kind.

You ignored it, Poe was charming, that’s all.

Much to your annoyance, the night was enjoyable. Poe was an excellent host and it was later than you had originally planned when you set off for home. The woods were pitch black in some spots, it made you anxious to ride in the wheelhouse while the world outside seemed like it didn’t exist. The soft light of the moon doing nothing to pierce through the darkness of the road at times.

Reaching the palace had been a relief and you said as much when you stepped out.

“You should have told me Princess, I would have ridden in it with you - if it would have helped.” He spoke as he guided you inside. You had wanted to, but the temptation of having him so close would have been too much - and as much as Mila knew about your feelings towards him - you didn’t want her to see you kissing him.

You patted his arm in silent thanks and he said nothing else.

When you reached your room you hesitated at the door, wanting him to pull you away somewhere but he didn’t - instead he waited until Mila got in. He took his helmet off and you smiled at the state of his hair. Your fingers itched to ruffle through it.

“Princess, if it’s not too late, I would ask you to join me for a midnight ride.” He waited for your answer and your smile widened.

“Of course! Would you permit me to change quickly?” You didn’t want to ride in such a stuffy gown - as beautiful as it was.

“I will wait however long it takes.” He motioned for you to go and you did - urging Mila to help you once you reached your bedchamber.

“The soft linen dress I think - with the long shift and the heavy cloak. I want to be comfortable and warm.” You changed as fast as humanly possible - all but ripping the jewelry off and within a few minutes you were rushing out the door. The two of you making your way towards the stables as silently as possible.

You watched him work deftly, his skilled hands saddling his horse with ease. One horse, not two.

“Are we to ride together?” You looked at him confused.

“Is this a problem for you Princess? I thought it might be quicker to get us to safety should something happen if we were on the same horse. I could saddle you your own if you prefer - we just wouldn’t travel too far.” He hesitated momentarily and your heart leapt at the thought that he would be holding you so closely.

“I trust your judgment Sir, one horse it is.” You kept your voice neutral and he nodded, finishing his work quickly. Once he was done - he helped you up and pulled himself up behind you. The cool beskar pressed up against your back as his arms reached around you to grab the reins.

Your dress pooled up around your thighs slightly, but your legs were covered by your big cloak but it was exciting nonetheless. You felt exposed, with his proximity it excited you way more than it should have. It felt forbidden, taboo and thrilling to have it feel like he was holding you. You couldn’t stop yourself from leaning back into his body slightly but he didn’t complain.

The ride through the forest was quiet except for the sound of the night birds, the crickets and the creatures that prowled at this time. The sound of the horses' steps, the sound of its breathing mixing with yours as well as Din’s. He rode through trees, through the little paths only he seemed to know and after a while you were beside a lake. The soft sound of the water kissing the shore added to the nightsong and you were happy that he had brought you here. He had been silent the whole ride, but you felt him take his helmet off behind you and secure it somehow to the saddle.

“You should know that you looked exceptionally lovely today Princess, blue is your colour.” His breath tickled your neck and you shivered. You turned slightly to look back but you couldn’t fully face him, the angle awkward but he kissed you just under your ear to let you know it was okay.

“I thank you Sir, I hoped you would like it.” You leaned back into his arms to tuck your head under his chin.

“You wore that for me? I thought you wore it for Dameron.” His hands came up to hold onto your arms as he pressed little kisses to your neck.

“I always dress for you.” You left it at that, hoping he would understand that despite everything- he was the one you wanted.

“Can I confess something?” His hand came up to slowly undo the cloak tied at your throat.

“Yes, anything.” You answered almost breathlessly, watching his hands open up the cloak to expose your shoulders, the skin of your thighs poking out where the dress had bunched up even more.

“You might think me wicked but, I thought about what it would be like to kiss you.” His hand trailed down as he spoke, rubbing at your thighs over your dress and you watched them in the low light of the moon, mesmerized.

“You’ve kissed me before Sir, you could kiss me now.” You turned a little more but he stopped you.

“I wasn’t thinking about kissing your mouth lovely girl, I was thinking about kissing you somewhere else.” His hands slowly gathered the fabric of your dress, bunching it in his fist - lifting it inch by inch to bare your legs to him. “May I show you where I want to kiss you?” He stopped but you clung onto his arms around you.

“Yes - please show me.” You felt is other hand join the fray and soon he had exposed your lower half to the cool night air. Your undergarments were damp you knew it - the arousal pooling low in your belly at the thought that he might touch you where you most wanted him to. He didn’t disappoint.

His hand trailed up your inner thigh lightly, slowly, up until he skillfully slid it into your undergarments. He groaned deep in his chest when he touched your bare sex.

“Right here. I long to kiss you, taste you here.” His touch was feather light on the lips of your womanhood, slipping along the seam of you. You whimpered, no one had ever touched you here and you felt the slick dripping out of you as you let him explore. “Would you let me Princess? Would you let me bury my tongue right here?” He dipped his fingers low, parting you slightly to dip his fingers just at the entrance - collecting your arousal onto his fingers before slipping them out and bringing them to his mouth behind you. You moaned at the sound of him sucking you off of them and you nodded frantically.

“Yes Din, I would let you - I’m yours.” You moaned the words and his other hand held you in place.

“And I am yours.” He responded before bringing his hand back to where you craved it, this time he spread the lips of your cunt open wide, honing his middle finger on the pearl of your sex. He rubbed tight, slow circles around it and you moaned - trying desperately to open your legs wider. He chuckled darkly behind you.

“Does that feel good Princess?” He turned your face with his other hand, twisting his upper body enough to capture your mouth in a messy kiss, not quite aligned but it sent a shiver of arousal through you and you felt yourself climbing higher and higher- his finger relentless as he sped up a little.

“Yes - Gods yes - it feels so good Din, I thought about you too.” You moaned the words into his mouth. “I think about you touching me like this, when I do it to myself.” He groaned at your confession, his tongue thick in your mouth when he kissed you again.

His finger dipped low to collect more wetness and the glide of it was just right, just slippery enough to send you over the edge and you almost screamed. Your body seizing up with pleasure as your sex clenched around nothing. He cooed into your ear as you rode it out.

“You are intoxicating my lovely one.” He kissed your neck, as he lowered your skirts.

You watched him, blissed out and boneless as he licked his fingers before grabbing the reins again and slowly making his way back to the palace.

-

Mila was snoring softly when you slipped into the room and you were careful not to wake her and as tired as you were from travel it took you a long time to fall asleep. Your heart full of love for Din and a hunger you couldn’t satiate filled your belly. It was a craving for his body, for his kisses, for physical love a woman shared with her husband. You fell asleep hoping - though secretly knowing- that he craved you the same way.

—-

As happy as you were when you awoke the next morning, it was quickly dampened - your father informed you that Poe was to arrive at the Palace as his honoured guest. That he was to stay for a time as a gesture of good will.

You saw right through it.

Your parents had decided that Poe was the suitor they wanted for you and they weren’t being at all subtle.

They informed you with big smiles on their faces, no doubt in hopes of pushing you towards him. It was exhausting - this constant reminder that you would never be truly free to live the life you wanted with Din.

When Poe arrived, he was happy - taking this as a sign that he was winning you over.

“Greetings Princess, I cannot tell you how happy I am to be able to spend more time with you.” He was all smiles and you had no choice but to smile back.

“It will be interesting for sure.” With the way you felt about Din, the intense desire to be around him was at the forefront of your mind. As well as the way Din behaved around Poe, it would definitely be interesting to say the least.

��

Your father invited Poe to dine at your private table, and he engaged him in conversation almost the whole night. They spoke of the future, of how Poe would help rule if he were indeed to marry you. Your mother smiled silently, happy to let the conversation center around the two of you.

Din stood still behind your fathers chair and you wanted nothing more than to pull him to sit with you. To talk to him, kiss him and feed him from your own plate.

“I would want to help people to be quite honest, extend a hand to those that aren’t as fortunate as us. There are people out there starving and that doesn’t sit right with me.” He was honest, to a fault like he said but you admired that.

“That’s very noble of you my boy.” The king nodded.

“It’s very honourable isn’t it my darling?” Your mother smiled at you and you smiled back, nodding around a bite of your food.

“I’m sure the Princess and I could do much and more to help the people who need it the most, if she would let me that is.” He had a shy, genuine smile for you, tentatively reaching over and taking your hand in his. You couldn’t very well snatch it back but you felt Din’s eyes burning into the interaction.

This could get messy.

“Princess, I would humbly ask that you accompany me for a walk through the grounds - chaperoned by your knight of course.” He asked as the remnants of the meal were taken away.

“Oh I’m sure she’d love to join you wouldn’t you sweetling?” Your mother cooed, and you smiled and nodded.

“Yes of course.” You let him guide you, Din following closely behind.

—

“I hope I’m not intruding - I know that the King and Queen are very keen for this to work between us.” He held your hand as you walked arm in arm and you couldn’t help but sigh softly.

“Yes they are aren’t they.” Your tone came out a little more exasperated than you’d hoped but he was well aware that you were not to be swayed by him so easily, you knew he should expect some hesitancy from you.

“I understand that you aren’t impressed and that I am most likely not your first choice. For all I know you might already have your eye on someone else.” He laughed and you couldn’t help but look over your shoulder at Din. “Regardless of that Princess, I know this must be difficult for you but I beg of you to give me a chance to show you that there is potential here. I believe that in time you might come to love me.” He pulled your hand up to his mouth and kissed your fingers.

“You are selling yourself quite hard Poe, I appreciate that you understand that my feelings for you aren’t where you want them to be.” You looked up at him apologetically, expecting him to have a sad look on his face but he surprised you; he was smiling - content to listen to you speak.

“I know, it’s not in you right now but I believe you will see me in a different light. I have faith.” He left the conversation there.

——

It was hard to find time to meet with Din, Poe seemed to be everywhere and his determination seemingly had no bounds.

Your mother found you as you dressed for the day - she had a note from Poe. He was asking you to accompany him into town to hand out some supplies. You couldn’t refuse him, not when your mother had delivered it herself.

“Will Din accompany us?” You asked it offhand, your voice neutral - your face a mask of nonchalance.

“No your father is going on a hunt and Din will be protecting him, there will be other guards with you.” She said it with a shake of her hand as she searched your wardrobe for an appropriate dress. “This will do nicely.” She picked out an off the shoulder, deep berry coloured dress that was not at all practical for a day out in the city.

It would have to do.

-

He had taken you to an orphanage in the heart of the city. There were kids running around of all ages and the older ones ran towards Poe when you entered - recognizing him. He had a big smile on his face as they hugged him around the middle, all decorum forgotten.

“Poe did you bring us anything?” A boy of about twelve years was eager, looking around you to the entourage of guards waiting behind you.

“Of course, brought all of you some good stuff like I always do.” He ruffled the boys hair before he held his hand out to you, you smiled and stepped forward. “I have someone very special here with me today, this is the Princess. Come on over and say hello.” He called them over to you and you saw some of the little girls eyes light up. They flocked to you, asking you if you were indeed the Princess. Asked you if you had a crown, and most importantly why you were there. They were precious.

“She’s here to help just like I am.” Poe answered for you.

A little girl of about six pulled on your dress and you lowered yourself slightly to be at her level.

“Princess, I like your dress, you’re so pretty.” She was smiling at you, her hair was a tangle but her eyes were bright.

“Thank you sweetling, you are much prettier I must say.” You moved the hair out of her eyes and she smiled wide, her little hand clutching at a makeshift cloth doll.

You helped Poe hand out toys and new clothes and there was food for them to eat. You spent the day playing with them and learning about their lives. The women who ran the orphanage knew him and you saw that all of the talk of helping the less fortunate was real, he had already been doing much more than you had ever even imagined.

It was hard to deny the little spark of something that he held within you.

He was handsome, he was kind and smart- funny and generous and with the way his eyes found yours throughout the day; he felt something for you. His eyes were piercing, dark and mysterious and for the first time, he gave you butterflies.

One of the little ones was showing you his space within the building, his bed and his tiny toy horse. He was waxing poetic about how one day he would be a knight. You were smiling at him when Poe stood next to you, his gaze heavy and it sent a flush crawling up your neck to light up your ears.

The fabric at his neck was crumpled and you couldn’t help but reach up to fix it, your arm extended over to him and his gaze focused on it, reached up to hold it to his neck. He placed a delicate kiss to your bicep and pulled you closer. The act was small, but so intimate it did something to you. Melted a tiny piece of you that up until now was frozen to him and he saw it on your face. Felt it in the way you let him hold you close, your arm still around his neck, his hand moving down to hold onto your waist.

The little boy was in front of you now, asking Poe if he would ever give him a real horse and he laughed, not unkindly.

“One day my boy, one day I will give you a horse - only if you promise to behave and be on your best behaviour. Can you do that?” The little boy nodded sagely promising he would. You didn’t pull your arm away, and you couldn’t pinpoint why.

—-

Tag list: @frannyzooey @foli-vora @danniburgh @greeneyedblondie44 @lola4pedro @ezrasbirdie @221bshrlocked @artsymaddie @supernaturalgirl20 @sleep-tight1 @softdindjxrin @wheresarizona @sherala007 @marydjarin @cannedsoupsucks @thirstworldproblemss @ilikechocolatemilkh @lori-tovar @freeshavocadoooo @hrk-fic-recs @greeneyedblondie44 @maxwell--lord @princessxkenobi @the-feckless-wonder @kirsteng42 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @thisshipwillsail316 @feministfanboi @dihra-vesa @gaiuswrites @stevie75 @sweet-creature98 @readsalot73 @pedrostories @tobealostwanderer @mandocrasis @elegantduckturtle @diogodxlot @alczysz17 @evyiione @absurdthirst @beskarboobs @andruxx @littlemissoblivious @1800-fight-me @goldielocks2004 @maievdenoir @gracie7209 @omlwhatamidoinghere @bellaorisa @hellovanessax @magikfanatic @frankiecatfish @mrs-ghuleh @pedritoispunk @librariantothejedi @studythoreauly @missswriter @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @pintsizemama @mswarriorbabe80 @a-trial-run-on-paper @giizhkens-cedar @la-le-lu @chickadee-djarin @dobbyjen @rosiefridayrogersunday @ajeff855 @anaaaispunk @johnsrevelation @the-witty-pen-name @zombiesnips-blog @quica-quica-quica @sarahjkl82-blog @fan-of-encouragement @queenofthecloudss @mandosmistress @deadhumourist @felicisimor @tuskens-mando @no-droids-on-sunday @sophiefatale2495 @toomanystoriessolittletime @what-iwish-you-knew @pedrostories @athalien @bi-thewayy @literallydontlook @pedrosbrat @gamingaquarius @gothicxbarbie @tkolemba @localddreamer @luxmundee @iamafadedmoon @nakhudanyx @littlemisspascal @grogusmum @ajeff855 @recklessworry @soltassbruxa @heyitmelexie @liviiii98 @killyspinacoladas @gothicxbarbie @evildxad @dragonslarimar @spideysimpossiblegirl @chemtrail-mix

[vanderwoodlings]

i still do. i always will. a dan/serena playlist (x)

For the good times and the bad—text version of the tracklist (and commentary) under the cut

1. “Middle of Love,” Jake Wesley Rogers. Thesis statement song!!! In the middle of loving you/It's so far from done/You tried to run/I tried to tie your shoes

1. “Middle of Love,” Jake Wesley Rogers. Thesis statement song!!! In the middle of loving you/It's so far from done/You tried to run/I tried to tie your shoes

2. “Lovebug,” Jonas Brothers. This song is all dorky infatuation and I love it for them

3. “Falling in Love,” Cody Fry—for when that infatuation gets deep really, really quickly. Promise you 'til the day that I die/You and I will be falling in love

4. “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic,” The Police. Even though my life before was tragic/Now my love for her goes on

5. “Wishing Wells,” The Colourist. I'm sick of hearing what if, what if/Just follow what you're feeling for

6. “The Only Exception,” Paramore. Children of divorce hours, specifically in the ‘i need to know why you love me’ type of way

7. “If I Could Take You Home,” Relient K. Oh, look, our first typo on the covers. If I could take you home/I'll be all that you need/The trail of broken hearts you left behind/Should send me running, girl, but I don't mind

8. “Please Don’t Say You Love Me,” Gabrielle Aplin. Fools rush in/And I've been the fool before/This time, I'm gonna slow it down/‘Cause I think this could be more. Tentatively getting back to together song

9. “You Can Call Me Al,” Paul Simon. ‘Congratulations, Don’—this song is just here to be goofy and fun

10. “11:11,” Waterparks. My favorite set of stairs is the one up to your room/And my heavy set of cares evaporates all around you

11. “Gotta Have You,” The Weepies. No amount of coffee, no amount of crying/No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine/No, no, no, no, no, nothing else will do/I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you

12. “Poetry by Dead Men,” Sara Bareiles. I think I got this one off another derena playlist, but whoever it was was right? Fire from embers, how can I make you remember?/With a turn of a phrase, would you turn to me if I say/I still want to be your girl?/I still wanna be your girl in a white T-shirt/Over coffee, stirrin' in the cinnamon/While you read me poetry by dead men

13. “1965,” Zella Day. I never had nobody touch me like I'm glass

14. “No Children,” The Mountain Goats. I am drowning/There is no sign of land/You are coming down with me/Hand in unlovable hand. I’ve metaed before about s6!derena and this sense of like. ‘You’re all I have so here we go’ as opposed to their s1!selves, and I feel like this is… right

15. “Fuckmylife666,” Against Me! I don’t have the heart to match/The one pricked into your finger. Feelings are messy. Also trans Dan subtext because I must

16. “I Don’t Wanna Know,” Fleetwood Mac. Yes we did go from s6 to s5 don’t worry about it—still, it feels very fake dating plot in some ways

17. “Glowing in the Dark,” The Girl and The Dreamcatcher. I've been bitten by the lonely/But when I'm not the only/When I'm, when I'm not the only/One who feels it, maybe it's sick to say/But it helps that you feel the same

18. “First Day of My Life,” Bright Eyes. I’d rather be working for a paycheck/than waiting to win the lottery. This is the start of the ‘what if it got good again’ section haha. Welcome to my derena agenda

19. “One Headlight,” The Wallflowers. We’ll put it all together/We can drive it home/With one headlight

20. “Lucky People,” Waterparks. Let’s be lucky people, you and I

21. “Just What I Needed,” The Cars. It's not the perfume that you wear/It's not the ribbons in your hair/And I don't mind you comin' here/And wastin' all my time

22. “Don’t Take The Money,” Bleachers. This song is like. For the work of relationships? It is, however, also so much fun

23. “All the Small Things,” blink-182. She left me/Roses by the stairs/Surprises let me know she cares. I have thoughts about Gender and being good to each other

24. “Drunk Voicemail,” Pom Pom Squad. I wanna tell you everything that makes me cry/Wanna tell you everything that keeps me up at night/Wanna tell you that I hate you, but I don't know how/When the truth is that I love you more than anyone else

25. “Gold in the Summertime,” Matt Nathanson. Nobody loves you/The way that I do/The way you shine through/Gold in the summertime

26. “Hey Jealousy,” Gin Blossoms. And you know, it might not be that bad/You were the best I'd ever had/If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago/I may not be alone

27. “See The Sun,” Pete Murray. And where's the love/That we shared go/Can you be the one/Can you see the sun/With me

28. “The Graveyard Near The House,” The Airborne Toxic Event. I love the refrain of Bye, bye, bye to all this dogged innocence for a later derena relationship, but also: We're like two actors playing our parts/Did you memorize your lines? Cause I did/Here's the part where I get so mad/I tell you that I can't forget the past

29. “Notbroken,” The Goo Goo Dolls. And we’re not broken/So please come home

30. “What’s Left,” The Walters. Thesis statement… two!!! This is the depressing version. Tell me what is left 'round here/Other than you my love

[bibbykins]

Rocking Chairs and Rocking Cars

A/N: No full blown smut here, but ofc horny thoughts remain! I should be posting the aftermath texts and what not soon, but I hope you enjoy this in the mean time! It’s a bit rushed, but I hope that doesn’t ruin the experience for you! As always, tips are appreciated since I am saving up to buy a house with my gf, but ofc tips are not required! Hope you all have a great day/night!

Note: This is a drabble for The Household’s Bunny Series

Pairing: Soft Yandere! Jungkook x Chubby! Reader x Soft Yandere! Hoseok

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: 18+, crying, lonliness, body image issues, unhealthy workout habits, abandonment, allusions to body dysmorphia, mommy issues, grinding, lustful thoughts, mentions of cumming, mentions of erections, pussy cupping (?), not rlly yandere although this is kinda a soft yandere series, obsessive behaviors, low self esteem, horrible communication, mentions of anxiety, mentions of car shaking

The house was quiet, and somehow knowing that no one else was home made your floor feel that much more empty. Granted, none of the guys came up all that often. Ever the gentlemen, they actively tried not to intrude on your space. Although, you really wish they did on days like these. It was 10am on a Saturday morning, although the lack of natural light could fool anyone otherwise. The clouds were heavy in the sky, cradling the sunlight in a thick blanket of grey, squeezing themselves for all the water they have. The rain tapped on your window, almost mocking you, reminding you that water was the only company you had.

You debated texting to ask if anyone wanted to come home and have a movie night, or build a fort, or just simply sit next to you, but decided you would just be bothering them. You had that very intimate moment with Jin and Yoongi, and they had remained sweet with you, but you weren’t able to be intimate with them again yet. They had been busy and you had been deprived of the very addicting affection. You’re sure they would come to you if asked, but you didn’t want to be clingy. The last thing you wanted to do was annoy them by following them around like a puppy just because they made you cum. They hadn’t explicitly stated they liked you as anything more than a friend, and you never wanted to go through the embarrassment of assuming such a thing again.

With college almost done, you had nothing to distract you from the looming loneliness you feel sometimes, and it was exhausting. You grew up by yourself, and you swore that would change when you were older. You were determined to be surrounded by people who loved you as much as you loved them, and yet, here you were. You were laying on a couch, watching the rain fall, all by yourself in a 10 floor renovated motel, reaping the consequences of high hopes and naivety your child self didn’t understand. You were never good at making friends, not that your plump figure helped you with your social drawbacks either. Although you made peace with your lack of charisma in person and have made strides to loving your body, the loneliness never subsided for long. 

There were few things you loved more than talking to people and having them listen to you and vice versa, and yet it rarely happened. Maybe you had been spoiled by your seven housemates, so it was making this bout of loneliness that much worse. Since moving in, there was almost always someone home making noise or even talking to you. However, they all told you summer was their busy season, and boy, they weren’t kidding. You had caught mere glimpses of the boys this week, only communicating via text and post it notes. 

You pressed your eyes closed for a moment as you listened to the rain. You thought of your mom. Her cheeks were chubby like yours and you remember her crying when she figured your metabolism was the same as hers, and you couldn’t understand why she hated herself so much that she wanted you to be nothing like her. Your mother had always been beautiful in your opinion, and it was a shame she never saw herself, or you, in that way. You thought about forcing yourself to go to the gym with her for hours on end, just to be able to be next to her. You had always been desperate for her company, desperate to be liked by her. Part of you regrets putting your body through that, but then a part of you is happy you were able to spend time with her until she left. 

Ah, yes, the day she left. That’s exactly what you should be thinking about right now, on a rainy day, all by yourself. You cringed when you felt a tear get a little too close to your ear, wiping it away. You were shocked when you felt even more in its wake. You always felt really silly when you cried, but you figured you might as well let it happen if you're gonna be home alone on a rainy day, thinking of all the ways people avoided spending time with you while you tried even harder to spend time with them. Who's next? Jungyoon? The uncle who took you in just to admit drunkenly how much the sight of you upsets him three hours into your 17th birthday. Your dad? No. That's not wise.

You sighed. Maybe if you had learned better social cues when you were younger, you wouldn't be a college graduate with no friends to talk to.

It didn't take long for you to break into full on sobs. You stuck somewhere between angry at the people who didn't want to be with you and sad that they didn't want to. Childishly, you deemed it wasn't fair and all you could do was cry. You hadn't had a day like this in a while, but holy shit did it suck each time.

Eventually, you ceased your tears and were left a red and puffy mess, so you decided to go to the kitchen to depuff your face with some ice. Then the rest of your day could only go up from here. You had your cry, and even though the elevator was going down, your day would only go-

OH NO WHY IS IT STOPPING AT FLOOR 5?!

You couldn't even think of who it could be as you looked in the mirror at the corner of the elevator and wished to evaporate. You had obviously been crying, terribly. Nevermind you were in a cropped long sleeve, short shorts, and thigh highs, your eyes were red and a little puffy, your cheeks were clearly tear stained, and even your lips were swollen. You couldn't, "oh, it's allergies." Your way out of this one.

"I didn't know you were home, Hobi." You murmured.

"Yeah, I just popped in real quick to grab something before I go back to…" Hoseok's smile dropped the instant he saw your face. You didn't even have the chance to look away, but you tried to anyway. He gently gripped your chin, guiding your eyes to meet his, "Bunny, is everything okay?" 

You pressed your lips together before nodding, "Yeah, it's just…" You glanced at his face, surprised to see him clinging onto your every word, "Sometimes, I get lonely." You shrugged as his eyes widened, "I get to thinking about my mom and…" You made vague hand movements as you shrugged.

He thought for a moment, “Even though we all kind of grew up together, we never really treated each other like more than roommates, but you’re here now.” He pulled you into a tight hug and you gasped before relaxing into his embrace. You closed your eyes for a moment as you held him close to you, "We've all been really busy, I didn't even consider how lonely you would feel." He lamented and you shook your head.

"I'm a big girl, I can be alone." Your words were muffled in his shirt, "It's just a little crying-"

"But you don't have to be alone anymore, and I don't want you to cry, none of us do." He placed a chaste kiss on your forehead, "Thinking about my mom used to really ruin my day, doesn't now, so don't worry, but that took time." You nodded, feeling tears creep in again.

"Thank you." You hummed as he pulled back, "Sorry to-"

He shushed you, putting his finger on your lips, shaking his head at your apology.He leaned his forehead on yours, making your breath hitch, "Do you want to go with me?"  He asked softly.

You blinked in confusion, "With you, where?"

His grin only widened and you looked to him skeptically, “Do you trust me?” He asked all too innocently and you nodded, “Then, do you want to go with me?” He asked again as he placed purple-tinted sunglasses on his face.

“I suppose…” You studied his smug face, “Let me go change-” You went to press the next floor so you could get off but were stopped with a soft grip from Hoseok.

“I’m in a bit of a rush, and you look great.” He smiled as the elevator reached the entrance.

You wanted to protest, but you let it be. Surely you would not stick out in the slightly scandalous outfit you were in.Truthfully, it was your body that seemed to make it scandalous to other people. Although, if you had a skirt on, it would just be a typical outfit for you, so maybe it wasn’t so weird? These thoughts ran through your mind as you slipped on some shoes and went into Hoseok’s very nice car. 

So are you gonna tell me where we’re going or…?” You asked as the renowned hair stylist drove with a smirk in response to your question, “Okay Mr. Mysterious, can I ask questions about it until we get there?” You asked cheekily.

He chuckled, “Of course, you can do whatever you want, baby.” His voice was silky smooth and the nickname shot straight to your nether regions and you scolded yourself for it.

“Are we going to a job of yours or am I just running errands with you?” You looked at his unwavering smile as you asked.

“A job, but the client will not mind if you’re there, before you ask.” He stole your next question by answering it smugly. You pursed your lips as you studied him. He was in a lavender dress shirt with the top two buttons undone and sleek navy blue slacks, all of which complimented his black hair. 

You, on the other hand, wore a baby pink turtleneck with the hem ending just barely above your matching form-fitting high-waisted fabric shorts, showing just a sliver of your stomach skin while a lot of your thigh skin was on display with white over-the knee socks. You had taken scandalous photos for your OnlyFans, and if you lifted your arms all the way up, a lacy bralette would greet the outside world. You were just feeling a bit self conscious considering the well dressed man in the car next to you. Sure, you looked cute, but was this level cute appropriate for his job? You didn’t want to make a bad impression and have that effect Hoseok.

“And here we are.” He sang and you snapped back to reality as he parked behind a building that had no defining qualities from the back. The ride went by in a flash and you pouted a bit at not even asking another question.

Ever the gentleman, he opened the door for you as he led you inside with him. The hallways were crowded with people running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Judging by the bits of chatter you could pick up as you scurried behind Hoseok, this was a photography studio and a high-level star was having a photoshoot.

“Oh thank goodness you’re here!” A man that seemed to be in his late 30s sighed in relief when he saw Hoseok, “He is in the worst mood today, and I’m so frightened-who is that?” The man’s wild eyes fixated on you for the briefest of moments and he realized your puffy features and shook his head, “Whatever, just go in there and calm him-”

“This is our housemate, y/n, and the shoot isn’t for another 30 minutes and he just needs hair, right?” Hoseok spoke calmly in spite of the chaos surrounding the both of you as the man nodded, “Great, I just need to touch him up and we’ll calm him down in time to take some good photos.” The man nodded tiredly, “Is the dressing room empty now?”

“Yeah, he kicked everyone out so he could calm down, but that never works.” The man cried out helplessly, “Why is he so frightening?!” Hoseok simply patted the man before navigating the hallways. Frightening? The man shivering looked quite burly and tall, who could be scaring him so much?

The “we’ll” made you nervous, but you held Hoseok’s hand so you wouldn’t get lost until he pushed through a dressing room door, “Hobi’s here.” He chimed and you heard a man behind a partition grunt. You looked around the spacious room to see a comfy looking green L couch along with a wooden rocking chair, which you thought was interesting. Beyond that, there was the typically lavish amount of mirrors and counter space, “I also brought a surprise!” Hoseok sang and you were ripped from your observations.

“It better not be anything dumb-” Jungkook’s voice died on the impact that was emerging from the partition and seeing you. Hise eyes studied your body, namely the slight squish of skin between your socks and shorts, which made his pants feel a bit tight, “Y/n, what…”His voice trailed off when he noticed you had definitely been crying, and not long ago. Right as he was going to accuse Hoseok, he saw you let go of his hand and give him a smile, figuring it wasn’t him that made you upset.

Your eyes brightened when you saw a familiar face, “Oh hi, Kook!” You beamed, “I didn’t realize Hoseok was taking me with him to see you, how nice!” You cheered, “I’ll be out of your way while you work, though!” You went to go sit on the couch as Jungkook nodded, robotically making his way to the chair in front of the mirror. He wore a silky black shirt with a harness around his waist and black slacks with razor thin pinstripes and black dress shoes. His hair was styled mostly to perfection, making you wonder what more there was to do. Alas, you weren’t the professional.

Hoseok looked to the younger man with a smug smile, “Just some last touches need to be done and then you can calm your nerves a bit with our little bunny.” He chided and Jungkook scoffed.

It took no more than five minutes for Hoseok to style the star’s hair into further perfection, “Wow, you look super handsome, Kook!” You cheered, earning a small smile from the man in question.

Hoseo chuckled, “He does indeed.” He cooed, making the younger man scowl, “Now, you have some time to zen out with bunny, use it wisely. I’ll come get you when it’s time.” He patted Jungkook before giving you a wink and exiting the room.

“You having a bad day-”

‘Were you crying?” His voice sliced through yours and you’re taken aback for a moment. With no response, he stood, making his way over to you. He towered over you before leaning down to grip your chin lightly, “Were you?” A hint of worry flashes across his eyes, and you wondered if you were just seeing things.

“Yeah… I was just feeling lonely.” You speak honestly, shrugging, “It’s not a big deal-”

“Why didn’t you call me-or anyone?” He asked, voice rushed as his eyes searched your face for an answer. It’s like an interrogation that you don’t have comprehensive answers for, so you shrug.

“Everyone was busy.” You murmur, “I only cried because I thought about my mom and stuff, it’s okay.” You avoided eye contact with him as you said this, feeling out of your element talking about your mom. This made his mouth part, but he haid no words. He understood what you meant, and that made it all the more harder to comfort you.

Jungkook sighed at how you’ve shrunk under his barrage of questions and sinks down to his knees, his hands going to your waist, stroking the sliver of exposed skin, “Nobody was mean to you, right? You didn’t cry because anyone bothered you?” You smiled at his tenderness before nodding.

You watched his face, studying the cleverly concealed dark circles under his eyes and gave him a sad smile, “Are you having a bad day too, Kook?” You asked softly and he sighed, like he was letting himself relax for the first time before nodding, “I see..” You thought for a moment, unsure how to make him feel better until you remembered, “Did you want to touch my thighs?” You said the first thing that came to mind and before you could be embarrassed, he nodded, "Okay, how do you want me?"

What a question, Jungkook thought, smiling tiredly, "Sit in my lap?" He looked up at you hopefully and you nodded.

"I won't be too heavy or anyth-woah!" You gasped when he lifted you, legs wrapping around his waist as he carried you to the rocking chair, sitting you both down, "I stand corrected." You giggled, wrapping your arms around his neck while his hands placed themselves on your thighs.

He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling your thighs in his hands, rocking you both back and forth. In every dressing room, he required a rocking chair, in case he needed to calm down. He debuted at the ripe age of 15 and with no guardian until 17, he was prone to panic attacks. The company sent him to therapy and the rocking chair was introduced. He never let anyone touch the chair, but he couldn't deny how nice it was having you in his arms, cradling his head into your bosom. 

“I like the rocking chair, very calming.” You mused, as if reading his mind and he offered a tired hum in agreement.

The day had truly been terrible. Stage after stage, minimal hours of sleep, and stupid people asking the same stupid question. And yet, here you were, hands stroking the skin on his neck as he lost himself in your form. Your thighs were softer than he anticipated, and he felt himself let out an exhausted sigh, finally relaxing into you.

"You haven't been home a lot, so I get why you're so stressed." You mused into his hair, "But you should go a bit easy on the staff, I just saw a buff thirty-something year old near tears when we came in." You giggled and Jungkook couldn't help but laugh a bit.

"Sungmin is my manager, he can take it." He felt blissful for the first time in a while as he rocked you both back and forth, his thumbs stroking the supple skin of your thighs.

"Still, maybe if people aren't so stressed around you, it might ease your stress." You chided softly, pressing a chaste kiss to his head.

The affection made his eyes flutter closed and he hummed, "We'll see, but don't hold your breath." He joked.

You had never felt Jungkook so calm before. Usually he has something snarky or detached to say. Some kind of non committal or indifferent comment, but he was too exhausted to do even that. You smiled softly at the cozyoment and the affection. It was hard to realize how touch starved you were, dreading when you would have to get up.

Youboth rocked back and forth for an indeterminate amount of time, too wrapped up in the calmness of each other’s presence to say much at all.

Finally, you spoke up a bit, "This is making me feel better. I like the closeness a lot." You hummed softly, "I remember when I was in some club in highschool, we were taking photos with girls on the guys's backs and all the guys scrambled to not have to give me a piggyback ride, so I just stood on my own." You did a short laugh. Jungkook fumed at the idea of stupid people making you feel like anything less than perfect, but you continued, "And now I'm in the lap of a pop star, it's a little funny." Now he felt smug, giving your thigh a small squeeze.

"Sounds like you had some weak ass guys in your highschool club." He snorted, leaning his head up as you settled down onto his lap further, now looking eye to eye with your torsos farther apart, his feet planted firmly on the floor to keep the rocking chair still, "I'll deny I was ever this nice, but," He studies your face for a moment, "You're so beautiful." He sighs out and he watched your face light up, and feels what that does to him, scaring the fuck out of him.

You couldn't find words except, "Can I kiss you?" You breathe and he nods with hooded eyes, and before you knew it, you were surging forward to press his mouth to yours. The kiss was fierce, but he responded to it at the speed of light. His mouth moved in sync with yours before taking control of the kiss, moving closer as he stilled the chair. Your hands were shyly clutching his shoulders, careful not to mess up his hair. One hand traveled to your hip as the other massaged your thigh deeply, thumb inching its way to the inner part. Your tongues intertwine and you gasp needily when he's a mere centimeter from where you want him most. You damn near whine when his hand stops inching closer to your core making him grunt.

Jungkook nearly lost his mind when he feels your nails dig into his shoulder and your hips wiggle in the slightest. He wanted to tell you to just mess up his hair, fuck everything else, and just let him make you cum in his lap. He wants to feel what he’s doing to you, uninhibited. His hand cups your sex and you groan into his mouth. He smirks at how warm it is, how wet you must be from a little bit of kissing, and how wet you will-

KNOCK, KNOCK

You jump, effectively falling off of the chair, and onto the floor just as Hoseok walks in, "Hey Jungkookie, it is time to- Bunny?!" Before Jungkook can even reach out his hand, the older man is helping you up.

"I'm alright, just clumsy." You chuckle awkwardly, before turning to the celebrity, thanking the stars his makeup and hair aren't messed up, "Well, have a good photoshoot!" You beamed, "Let's go get some lunch, Hobi." You spoke rushedly as you took the man's hand, dragging him along.

"Oh, uh, bye!" Hoseok hollers to the dumbfounded Jungkook as he watched the dressing room door close, leaving him winded with a boner.

When you get in the car, your eyes are like saucers and Hoseok can't help his curiousity as he turns on the car. However he doesn’t push until you both are a little closer to home, but before he can even ask you grab his leg and stare at him with panicked eyes, "Fuckfuckfuckfuckwhatthefuckdid- AHHH!" You let out the quietest scream, before looking at him, "How do I go about life this stupid?" You seem to be genuinely asking and yet again, before he can ask, "I kissed Kook and I let him hold my pussy for a moment." You blurt out and Hoseok blinks for a moment. You look to him, waiting for him to freak out but he just shrugs.

"Well color me a bit envious." He muses, before tilting his head in confusion, “When you say he held you pussy-"

“He cupped it and I was gonna let him go further had you not walked in.” You looked to the man as he saw home in sight.

“Ah, I see.” He nods thoughtfully, “So were we wanting to pick something up for lunch or just order delivery, we could cook…?”  

You gaped at him, "Are you not gonna tell me how dumb that was?!" Hoseok shakes his head, "He probably hates me now!" You whined.

Hoseok sighs, "I promise, he doesn't." He reassured you, "Did he… kiss back?" He asks curiously.

"Yes, but I'm not sure what he meant by it." You murmured, "I’m really bad at gathering those kinds of clues. I kissed him because he called me beautiful and I didn't know how to respond and I-"

"You're beautiful." Hoseok interjects, "My turn, my turn!" He parks the car at the house, turning to you with a grin.

"Wait, that's it!" You point to him, "You can tell me what kind of kiss that was." You beamed and he looked at you quizzically, "So kiss me and I'll show you how Kook kissed back so I can understand!" 

Hoseok could not believe his ears. Had people played with your head before? Did you seriously not understand that kissing back meant that they were attracted to you, at the very least. Not wanting to take advantage of you he asked, "Are you sure? You can just describe it to me-"

You nodded, "I don’t want to misrepresent it with my words but I need to know what it meant, but if you feel weird about kissing me I get it-"

Hoseok was watching the chance slip away, so he pressed forward, placing his mouth on yours and groaned when you responded with a force, hand going to his thigh to try and mimic Jungkook's movement. Your tongue finds his way into your mouth and he can’t resist the opportunity to feel your tongue against his. His hand goes to the back of your neck to press his mouth into yours deeper. It was in no time you both forgot what you should be doing.

All you could focus on was how good the affection felt. How nice it was to have someone’s mouth on yours just as needily. You were used to sex and affection being out of convience. You were used to people seeing you willing and figuring, “Why not?” But Hoseok and Jungkook had kissed you with a certain force you had never known. Where Yoongi and JIn were soft, sweet,and comforting, they were urgent, needy, but rough.

Hoseok’s arms wrap around you, bring you into his lap and you feel his growing length beneath you. Against better judgement, you grind down, causing the both of you to gasp, “Fuck, baby.” He groans, gripping you to him harder. His leans down to kiss your jaw and reach your neck, making you press yourself further onto him with a choked moan when you feel him guide you hips as you set a steady pace grinding into him. You groan at the sensuality of hearing his voice riddled with lust and making the windows steamy and the expensive car rock.

“Hobi,” You moan out as he sucks a particular spot on your neck, “Feels good.” You whined, grinding yourself more desperately.

“It does, bunny?” He cooed into your neck, trying to shield his own rising arousal as you  grind onto it desperately. You nodded with a moan and found yourself wishing he would just strip you of your clothes and take you. You would love nothing more than to feel his hands around your neck as he pounded into you, your hips working as wildly as they were then with his hands on them, threatening to limit you, edging you closer, and closer, and-

HONK

You both jumped, not able to go far in the driver’s seat on top of Hoseok after accidentally honking his car horn. You take a moment to look at the position your in and clasp your hand over your mouth, "I did it again!" You whined, muffled by your palm, "What's wrong with me, I get I'm horny but AH!" You groaned from frustration, both sexually and emotionally. 

"Calm down, it's better than okay." The man beneath you strokes your hip soothingly, "I enjoyed it, and if Kook did any of that, he did too." He reassures you, "It's just some consensual kissing, we're all adults, it's okay."

You frown, "But you guys don't need me throwing myself onto you, that's not fair to you." It’s made people recoil from you, you want to say. You don’t want them to recoil from you, you couldn’t take it.

"Arguably, I do need you, in particular, throwing yourself onto me." Hoseok quipped and you rolled your eyes.

"Ha, Ha, very funny, but come on." You deadpan and it only makes him more confused. You don't know how to explain that the odds of a guy like him, or any of them, wanting you, specifically, and not just wanting affection are slim to none in your eyes, judging from past experience alone.

"What?" He asks and you shake your head.

"Ah, forget it." You shrug, "Nothing to fuss about, but sorry I nearly came in your lap-"

"Please do not apologize for something I wanted, almost happening." He groaned and you chuckled, shaking your head, genuinely not believing him, “In fact, I invite you to please hop back on.” He chuckled a bit, so you figured it was a joke. Surely he would be joking about wanting you sexually. 

"You're a funny guy, Hobi." You open the door and hop out, "Well I'm gonna go masturbate or something, and then maybe we can regroup for some lunch when I'm done?" You glance up at the flabbergasted man who nods numbly, too perplexed to even offer his services, "Okay, well thank you for the kiss and what not, the affection is always welcome!" You chirped, "I can give you kisses on the lips more often if you want like I do with Jin and Yoongi?" He nods again and you smile. You give him a chaste kiss on the lips before heading inside.

Hoseok blew out a breath as he sat in his car with a hard on. So the issue wasn't you not being attracted to them. The issue was you not believing they would be attracted to you. Somehow, that was harder for him to dissect, unsure how to prove that he would give you the world if you just mentioned an interest in having it. Not just him, but six other men. To you, kissing or sexual acts wasn't proof that he was attracted to you for being you instead of just another body. They all had to somehow prove you weren't being kissed because of convenience, but desire. All of them were too emotionally stunted up until now to already know how. Yoongi was right, this would be a lot of work. Work they all were willing to do.

Tip Jar

[sorry-i-ship-drarry]

Could you please do 4 with lots of banter maybe? And an amnesia fic with happy ending with any prompt that you haven't done yet? The first fic I read was based on Harry losing his memory and you wrote the 27 prompt so very beautifully. So please?

Thank you so much @slytherinnbitch for your request and your compliments. All the same for you, you are incredible my love.

It feels like rain

Dialogue Prompt- 18. We both know that i should walk away, but i can't.| TW- Alcohol | Angst with happy ending | Amnesia |

The smells of the scented candles invaded the entire living room as the music poured melodiously echoing the corners. Draco walked around the house making sure everything was close to perfect as they had planned, it'll be the perfect belated anniversary as they had planned. Everything was planned.

Only it wasn't.

The phone rung loudly, making Draco to stop chopping the coriander leaves. Huffing as the ringing grew louder, he wiped his hands over his floral customised apron embroidered with his and Harry's name and he finally picked up the call.

" hello "

" mr. Malfoy it's an emergency, we need you-"

" Macy I told you I can't. Didn't I tell you to find someone else-"

" Sir, it'-its-"

" it's what?"

" it's your boyfriend"

Draco’s breath was caught in his throat, his heartbeat quickening at the pronouncement. And then, everything stilled.

____________________________

What it's to be in love, draco had always wondered. Up until now he always thought that perhaps loving was in showering harry with gifts, or Maybe bringing him flowers, or making breakfast for him before leaving, or taking harry out for dinner, or maybe even letting him cry over his shoulder after he had a rough day but when life hurled and kicked draco's door down, everything as if twisted into untwisting circles and suddenly loving became a remembering to him.

It was no longer bringing harry his coffee in bed, but it was him adding quips everytime draco tried to soften thing's up. He still sees in Harry's movements how a part of him was twitching to touch draco, to feel him, to perhaps remember him but it was maybe harry holding himself back, the new harry, the one that would not allow conversations with draco for more than 10 minutes.

He could recall that night when he ran to the infirmary to look in depth what exactly had happened. 4 hours in the room, healing wounds, casting spells, stitching injuries, cleansing harry, he woke up in Draco's absence Only to be informed later,

" Harry's suffered amnesia "

Hope was what he was left to Drown into. A lingering small flicker of hope that perhaps in those long stares Draco gave harry while medicating him, he'd remember, or maybe he'd remember him in all the small conversation Draco's tries to make, or perhaps, he'll remember through those eyes. He hoped, and he hopes, still.

But Draco hated it in all honesty, but he had Faith, he had Faith that the man he loved is still in there and will one day come out. Only the time was running out and draco would soon have to let go of harry from keeping under observation. He was afraid that in the time all he's left, that if he doesn't remember, then how would Draco cope. It was already hard to look after harry every single day and feel his eyes brim with tears of trying to find his lost treasure.

" Macy told you me you spend a lot more time looking after me than Anyone else? What makes me special malfoy ?" Harry has asked one day

Draco stopped in his movements, giving him a curt smile" th- perhaps Because I know if I spend more time with you, you'll remember "

" why are you so obsessed with me remembering ? I mean it's not like it's such a big deal right. If anything I'm happy to have forgotten something's even " harry chuckled lightly.

Draco gulped down the knot that formed in the center of his chest, dug his nails firmly into this palms wishing that Harry would take his words back, for once harry could look at draco with a vision of more than just hatred..

As if harry sensed it he added " I- I don't know if we were friends Draco, if I have mistakenly hurt your feelings by saying that, then I'm sorry "

Draco hummed and practically ran out of the room. In that time Draco decided that not talking with harry would be a much better move than to have his feelings hurt everytime Harry opened his mouth.

But it was hard, it was hard when he realised that Harry had not once opened his mouth to say I love you, because he didn't remember..

It was late in night one day when Draco was attending harry as his last patient before he could go in loneliness,when it happened,

" can I ask you something ?" Harry asked. Draco was cleansing Harry's wounds on his back when he hummed..

"Have you,” He paused, his eyes fluttering close for a moment as he cleared his throat and asked, “have you ever been in love?"

Draco paused his movements, his heart clenching almost painfully in his chest, a knot in his throat.

" you don't have to answer if you don't want to "

Harry's muscles in the back tensed up with Draco's left arm resting on it. Draco inhaled sharply resuming cleansing when he responded "Yes,” He breathed, “yes, I have "

" what does it feel like ?" Harry asked, looking a little over his shoulder as though perhaps he wanted to watch Draco.

Draco licked his lips, smiling to himself a little as he remembered the Times when Harry had remembered Loving him " it's- it's complicated "

" how exactly ?" Harry asked again

" it's- love - it feels like rain "

" feels like rain ?"

They simultaneously whispered.

" how- how do you?" Draco stilled in a jerk

Harry turned around to face Draco, a weird look on his face "there's- there are things in my head. Like there are saying, they're all jumbled. Like I know it's there, but I can't remember who said them to me. All of it is not lost you know. At least that's what I think. But it happens only in the late hours of night when I remember something's and they vanish in the morning. I don't how to feel, but I know how I've felt before, it's all weird "

And in the dying flickering fire as if someone had dropped a log again, the fire of hope grew again in Draco.

"so- y- you're saying you remember but you can't remember who ?" Draco asked cautiously..

" I mean- yeah I think " harry replied.

Draco thought for a moment " I- "

" I feel as though most of these sayings are from Ginny "

Draco's breath hitched, stopping at the hilt, suddenly feelings as all of his organs collapsed into a whole, his brain screaming and all the memories automatically putting a lock on themselves and realisation hit Draco. Harry remembered his life before Draco, or so as it felt. Before Draco, harry had only one lover and that was Ginny and whatever recollection of phrases he had remained with of with Draco became faceless and it only sounded for Harry to feel like they're all from Ginny.

"i- perhaps " Draco replied briskly before he picked up the cotton again with shaking hands and did his wounds in a blurry vision, remaining silent.

" wait- how did- why did you say love felt like rain, isn't it what- I mean i-"

" I read it somewhere " Draco vaguely replied.

" oh " harry mouthed before he wore his shirt again and watched Draco hurriedly leave the room with slumped shoulders.

_____________________________

" pa, pa pa pa para ra rara ra " Draco hummed as he knocked down doors after door's, collapsing in his office chair, raising his legs over his table, watching a frame of Draco and harry resting over it. He smiled at it before he chugged down another gulp of whiskey burning his throat.

" sir- mr. Malfoy ?" Someone said as they flicked the light on watching Draco with narrowed eyes

" oh- Macy- oh love, you know I shouldn't call you love. Well but again, you did absolutely nothing. But you know you ruined my entire life "Draco's pale eyes glimmered in tears and he chugged down another gulp.

" si- sir.. I'm-"

" do me a favor and please, leave me alone " Draco sobbed. Macy looked at Draco in pity before she turned off the lights and walked away..

Draco remained there staring at the ceiling for a long time, river of tears flowing down his cheeks, wetting his neck and his shirt, sip after sip, he emptied the bottle, crying in the agony of pain that became friendlier minute by minute.

" liar" Draco mumbled to himself, then loudly " fucking pathetic liar" only he wished he could've yelled..

" you loved me, you said you'd never forget me, you said you could never live without me, there you are fucking breathing, living, surviving, taking my breath away, leaving me to die " draco mumbled to himself staring at harry in the picture. And he cried a little more too.

Draco smeared his face with tears, rubbing his hands over his face, releasing a shaky breath before he rested his forehead against the table and left heavy sobs, a weird pain settling into his chest that pulled him in deeper, something that left him empty, Hollow but yearning. Left him heart broken..

It was seconds later, or minutes or an hour later, he had lost the count before he got up and stumbled to Harry's room and as sobriety started settling into him, He watched harry from the door, gazing softly at the sleeping figure,he didn't want to wake him up.

" he'll be fine " Someone said besides him. Draco turned his head to see a patronus hanging in the air, it was maybe a stag, he didn't know, he didn't remember.

" what if he never remembers me ?" Draco asked as it the patronus would answer.

" trust me it'd be fine " it spoke again.

Draco watched the patronus bouncing with light blue light " you don't know that. I've only a day left with him, he'll leave from here and he wouldn't remember a single thing " Draco muffled in tears.

" it'd be fine, Draco, it will be "

Groaning, Draco threw his hand over the patronus, Making it evaporate in the air, faint words still whispering" it'd be fine" until the hallway grew dark again and Draco remained there watching harry from the door.

" what if you never come back to me ?"

And with the dying hope, Draco walked back home.

Only if he had known thing's would've changed the next night. The last night.

Draco has paraded the his healers office next morning, scenting of Harry's Cologne, wearing Harry's shirt and his pendant, he never understood why he did it, but he wore it, perhaps in the last rememberance. But no matter what he did, he couldn't bring himself to meet harry that very day. Every opportunity he got, a string tugged him back as if he wasn't ready to say goodbye and it was until the end of the day, he had to finally face Harry.

" you didn't come all day ?" Harry eyes had perhaps glimmered as Draco had entered but Draco purposely ignored it, he couldn't bring himself to hope, not anymore.

" I- I had things " Draco mumbled, wearing his gloves before he checked Harry's pulse, then looked over his scars.

" y- are you mad ?" Harry had asked several minutes later after Draco has remained suspiciously silent.

" why would I be ?"

" you haven't spoken a word " harry pointed.

" it's a strategy you see, it's easier to say goodbye now " Draco mumbled heavily as he pushed away his thrumming feelings.

"y- you'll never meet me after this ?" Harry asked innocently..

Draco bit his lips as he blinked his tears away, offering harry a little smile "I'll try "

Harry spoke again after several minutes, lifting the silence " can I ask you to do something ?"

" anything " Draco whispered.

" can you just like say something so I can remember you by it? I mean we might meet, but we might not right. So I- I just want to retain a memory, just of you "

Draco could've sworn his heart leapt several feets, throbbed Loudly and unshed tears appeared " why- why do you want to ?"

" I- I don't know. I just- I don't want to forget you " harry shrugged.

Draco inhaled before he faced harry, forming a little smile once again before he said " perhaps loving you will always remain a memory, but loving you had felt like stars colliding, sun shining and daisies blooming. Loving you was homely. Now loving you will be will only be a memory "

" who said that ?"

" me " Draco smiled and he went into writing Harry's last report before he'd be ready to go..

" that- nevermind" but Harry remembered looking at Draco's chest, watching carefully the necklace that hung around his neck..

Draco didn't see him again for the rest of the day, busying himself because then maybe, letting go would be easy, saying goodbye wouldn't hurt so much anymore as he knew it did. Maybe it'll become easier.

That night before leaving, Draco stood against Harry's door, watching him sleep one last time.

" we both know I should walk away, but I can't "

And yet, yet he walked away. And still remained.

The fire remained nothing more than a shimmering spark of red and orange and Draco saw it dying out on his couch, his knees pressed against his chest. He watched it slowly die, he watched it die.

But love wasn't remembering or their love wasn't ever supposed to be just a memory, their love was in loving, their love was, still.

That very night when Draco had revisited harry and Whispered the soft words embraced in love, the midnight stroke, harry remained awake and maybe that's why it all changed..

Maybe it was the midnight or maybe it was some unsettling feeling that had remained in Harry's chest when draco had spoken about loving and home, or maybe it was Because of the pendant he saw, he knew there was something..

It came in visions, little by little, like a reel forming, moving forward when Harry jerked awake, sitting still when he remembered. He remembered Loving.

Of course, it wasn't in loving, it was in giving another chance, it was in longing, it was in seeing Draco differently that day, it was in that smile that skipped his heart beat that changed everything..

It was in falling again, once again that he remembered. That he remembered Loving was like raining, slow at first, then rapid with middle, then soothing.

Harry jumped up from the bed, running down the hallways, Calling the home number, wishing Draco would pick up but the phone was resting on the side of the telephone, ignored on purpose.

" sir, I need you to calm down-"

" I need Draco. That's what I need. That's who I need.. don't you see I remember. I remember everything" harry manically yelled.

" yo- you remember ?"

" yes I remember. See I know. You're macy, you work under Draco, the first day you joined you spilled coffee all over Draco's shirt and somehow in trying to help him clean up, you changed his shirts colour to pink. Remember ?" Harry yelled

Macy looked in shock, words dying in her throat.

" I remember everything. I- I need to see Draco" harry ordered.

" but- he requested- he left "

" left ?where ?" Harry asked impatiently.

" he didn't say. He said he's going and didn't mention when he'll come back "

" that ass " Harry mumbled.

" do you have any idea where he might go ?" Harry shook macy violently.

" I- n-no I don't " she stammered. Harry tugged his hair as he started brainstorming, thinking about all the places he could be. All of them but nothing-

"of course, the cottage house " harry jumped up, adrenaline pumping inside every nerve of him.

" but- I - can't let you go " macy said

" oh watch me" and without even thinking Harry disapparted.

________________________________

Draco watched as the rain poured down, wetting the window. The fire had died down, maybe not even remaining sparks, and the room grew colder and darker with the absence of warmth and light. But he sat there, knees pressed against his chest, head resting on the wall behind him as his eyes begged for tears to stop, his fingers playing with the necklace lying on his chest.

And just as the thunder broke again, he saw the figure appearing in the living room. It should've scared him but Draco felt insane, hallucinated perhaps.

" Draco " it spoke..

Draco didn't reply, not wanting to feel stupid talking in hallucinations.

" it's me Draco. I'm here " he whispered.

" as if " Draco mumbled.

" I really am " he Whispered. Draco narrowed his eyes at the figure and stepped down the windowsill to face him.

" liar. I know you're not " Draco said as he approached him.

" I really am " he whispered as he too stepped closer.

Draco was an inch apart when he touched him, waiting for his hands to go through, only it didn't and Shock formulated like a slow chemical reaction and he gasped when he realised..

" you -"

" I am very much real " he chuckled holding Draco's sides.

" but you- you forgot "

" I remember, I remember everything Draco"

" no, you- you had amnesia. You're playing with me " Draco harshly Whispered..

He huffed " you think coasters make good wall posters and that they make good show pieces, that's why most of our coaster are on the wall instead of under the cups "

Draco stilled " yo- you-"

" I remember, love, I remember " and without thinking twice, Draco hugged harry breaking into heavy sobs. Mumbling incoherent words.

" I'm so sorry. I'm never forgetting you ever again. I'm so so sorry " harry Whispered as he hugged Draco tighter.

" i- I love you " Draco mumbled in sobs.

" I love you too. Fuck, I missed you "

The wind blew through the door, just as they broke the hug, the cold air stirring inside going through the fireplace, and they kissed, the fire grew again, lighting the darkness Again, the warmth invading again and Love settling in once again.

My greatest Apologies for delaying it longer than I ever should have. Ofc I'm back to writing, so further requests are soon to be delivered. Bear with me. Also thanks to @drarrywords

300 followers appreciation dialogue Prompt requests open

Angst prompt requests open

[joshslater]

Grindr Gold

This is a rewrite of Rozza’s rewrite of Tinder Gold. Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

“Fuck, why don’t you guys respond!”, Tom moaned as he fell back into his bed. Another guy had just gone and ghosted him, the sixth one this week. Tom was pissed and confused as to why he was failing with so many guys. It was true that he didn’t have the looks. Average height, average hair, average face. A face dotted with acne, on top of his unremarkable body, pudgy from years of studying. He was smart, provably so, but also funny and kind. He hoped that would shine through in his bio. Tom went back to his phone and looked over it, and his pics. Maybe there was something he could tweak to make him more attractive. Or it could be a waste of time. All the guys wanted was cheap sex with the man of their dreams, and that was it.

Tom was about to let go of the phone when he saw a new banner at the bottom of the screen, advertising Grindr Gold. “Stop looking for the perfect match - become one!” It totally looked like a scam to Tom, but he had been so unlucky recently that he would consider anything. He tapped the banner, bringing up the purchase screen. It wasn’t very clear to him exactly what they provided for the hefty $250 a month. “Personalized profile to maximize your chance to strike gold.” Whatever. The first month was $10, and he could cancel at any point, according to the page. He could buy it, maybe get a few dates, and then keep the profile as is after cancelling.

He tapped his screen again to pay, ignored a mile of terms and conditions, and finalized his payment. He looked impatiently at the screen as nothing happened. Everything was the same. A scam after all. A few seconds later there was a knock on the door, giving Tom a jump scare. He got up to go and see who it was, still pissed about his lost $10. He opened the door and almost dropped his jaw on the floor. Outside the door was the most handsome twink he had ever seen, online as well as in the flesh. A shorter, younger boy with bronzed skin, blond hair in a quiff, sparkling green eyes, and just as sparkling, white smile. He was wearing gold shorts, trendy shoes, and nothing else, showing off the rest of his body. It was fit, without being muscular or overly cut, showing hints of definition and abs. His skin was beautifully, evenly tanned and smooth, and like the rest of him looked perfected with many products. His face had been cleansed of any impurities and facial hair, while his golden gelled up quiff was flanked by freshly buzzed sides. Tom’s brained blanked, partly because of the unexpected surprise visitor, partly because of this visitor in particular, and partly because the blood rushed into his quickly stiffening dick.

“Tom, I assume?” the twink queried.

Tom was speechless, struggling with where to look. When he looked at the face his eyes were drawn into the green eyes, and it felt rude and awkward to gaze into an unknown mans eyes like that. Anywhere else on the body was worse. Look at the nipples? The golden bulge?

“I am Grindr Gold, professional dater and dating expert, and I am here to assist you. May I come in?” Tom was struggling to comprehend that Grindr Gold wasn’t a software update, or a service feature, or even a scam, but a real, life something seemingly teleported to outside his door.

“Yeah... Yes! Yes, of course. Step right in.” Tom moved out of the way and waved towards the interior of the messy apartment. “Are you some kind of dating coach? Will you get me laid?”

“Of course! I am Grindr Gold, and I never disappoint.” Gold was slowly turning, taking in the sight of Tom’s small student apartment.

“Wait, your name is Grindr? No, nevermind. What’s first?”

“Take off your shirt and have a seat”, he motioned towards Tom’s study armchair. “We know exactly what everyone is looking for, what types get hookups, what the supply and demand is. I’m here to improve supply where it is needed the most. Firstly, no one wants another post-college graduate. There are plenty of them around. They want a freshly minted fuckboi."

What did he just say now? Did he just say fuckboi? No way Tom was going to be like one of those dumbasses, who just existed to get laid. But before he could object, Gold began waving his hands. Tom became dizzy and distorted as energy waves from Gold’s hands flew into him. His skin vibrated, turning back years. His fat mostly melted away, leaving a little around his stomach. The hair on his chest receded back into his skin, softening out his pecs. The hair on his legs thinned out as well, but remained spread out for his age. The lines and bags on his face, caused by all the stress of college, faded. His looks had gone from mid-twenties PhD student to a youthful 18 year old.  

"What the fuck! This isn’t what I wanted! I look like a dumb teenager!”, Tom shouted in a decidedly younger voice, as he saw his reflection on his phone screen.

“Relax, this is just the first step to getting you laid. Your profile said you are just looking for a hookup, right?”

“Yeah, but not like...”

“I’m gonna do the best I can, making you the most sought after fuck for miles. Let me change your mind on this. If things don’t work out, we can always go for a different look. Now we gonna get you yeeted up…”

Without waiting for a response Gold started massaging Tom’s arms, infusing them with the same energy. Tom laid back as all he could do was relax in Gold’s hands. Gold moved his hands carefully across the entire surface of Tom’s skin, everywhere his hands went hair disappeared. After finishing with his arms, he moved to his chest and then finishing with his legs, removing any stray patches of hair.  Once he was done, the only hair left was around his dick and his pits. Gold focused harder now, causing his hands to vibrate and made a second pass. This time as they swept across Tom’s body they instilled a golden tan with a touch of Italian olive as he rewrote his genetics. His hands swept through the mess of Tom’s hair, changing it into a light, crisp brown. Then he continued down, focusing on Tom’s face, cleansing it of impurities and perfecting his features. Tom’s nose and mouth shrunk, though his lips grew, and eyes turned brown. Gold poked Tom’s nipples causing them to darken and grow slightly. Golds hands then pushed the energy down Tom, doing unseen magic down his pants.

“Now, anyone can be young and pretty, but there are really only two sorts of people looking for a date around here. Alpha males, and those who wish they were. And there is one thing that get both of them going, that invites them to dominate.” Gold stepped back and framed his hands sideways as if to take an invisible picture. Then he quickly slammed his hands together. To Tom, it felt like crashing into a pool of water. All of a sudden he was being compressed. His height fell from 5′10 foot down to a more modest 5'6. His limbs crushed in on themselves to meet his new height. Feet and hands adjusting down as well. His size 10 feet shrank to a boyish 7.5. His loss of height and body hair made him look not just young, but cute. The kind of look that if he got angry people would find it adorable. How on earth was any of this going to get him laid? Gold smiled, sensing his skepticism.

“Patience fam, the best is on the way! I promised I would change your mind.” Gold took one hand and placed it on Tom’s temple and with the other grabbed his small package.

“Wait what are you…. ohhh…” Tom moaned as his muscles slacked and resistance faded. He could feel a strange hum in his mind and a stirring in his dick. The sensation scared him but it was also too pleasurable to fight. Tom’s hair began to change, his sides faded down so you could see his skin, while the hair on the top also shortened, before collecting into a cute ruffle. Tom’s pecs remained small but the remaining fat converted into muscle giving him a toned look. His arms swelled with strength and pudgy stomach shrank into a faint but hard six-pack. At the same time, his small dick began to grow, gaining inches. His facial features became more pointed, eyes darkening with hunger and lust in them, and his mouth curled into a pout smile, with his lips puffing up into a pseudo duck shape unless consciously pulled back.

Old Tom would be embarrassed at him now, but Tommy was swimming in horniness, as he began to lust for boys and sex. Any knowledge he had gained, and dreams of careers faded and were replaced with a desire for screwing every boy in town. Gold’s smile transformed into a grin.

“One last thing to make you a proper fuckboi!” Gold said as his energies forced themselves into Tommy one last time. Two shiny studs pierced his ears, glistening in the sunlight. A golden bracelet appeared on his left wrist. Tommy looked down, feeling his dick still growing and tingling, and saw Calvin Klein underwear peeking out from a pair of baller shorts, with slowly filling bulge.

“Ahhhhhhhh fuck boooooooooi!” Tommy screamed in his soft, boyish voice as he came, filling his underwear with boy cream. Posters of video games vanished, replaced by posters of boys bands, athletes and cars. His new idols and interests. His computer shrank and changed into a worn-out basketball and books evaporated, replaced with sports gear, outdoor equipment and Men’s Fitness magazines.

Having done the final touches on wardrobe, accessories and interior decoration, Gold turned to Tommy. “I have a new Grindr bio ready to go for you. Just need a new photo to update your profile with. You should take it with your shirt off. Do it somewhere public, like an elevator or shopping mall, so you look easy and cheap. It’s fucks you want after all, not a boyfriend.”

[itsthe-neo-zone]

Wands and Potions: NCT dream & WayV 

Please read the Masterlist before continuing ahead with the chapter, thank you.  

Chapter 18:

[02:16PM]

[20th of October]

“Do you even know what he was using the tentacle juice for?” 

The huffs became frequent and the more Lyra questioned the more Selene became tired. Was this really necessary? And why was she being so unbelievably nosy?

“No, and frankly I don’t need to know.” the walking stopped halting the trail the two created in the thick fluffy snow that covered the earth. “because I don’t care.”

“You should, Liu could be plo-” a snicker stopped Lyra’s chapped lips from blurting her thoughts. “Plotting? Is that what you were going to say? He’s plotting against me. Or maybe its against you? Or even Jinsoul.” The words spat back at Lyra.

The brunette took her lips between her teeth, her fingers took the red and golden threads of the scarf wrapped across her chest, fiddling with the bare edges. Selene was already on edge and the change of demeanour pushed her off.

“Hey, I’m not going to feel sorry for you, so don’t give me that pathetic look.” Her fingers ran through her golden roots, her hair had turned a shade darker with the coming of winter making it lose the fiery glimmer in it.

“You all need to stop telling me how to act or feel.” She rolled her eyes leaving the brunette standing there stiff and alone, the only speck of colour on a blank sheet of white for miles.

 The creaking door slid open letting a gust of cold biting chill mix in with the heated warmth of the shop. The three broomsticks was a place where the youngsters could chill and relax. The ancient and rustic feel made it close to home for some.

It wasn’t the same for Selene.

“You need to start talking to her again, Scorpius you can’t just igno-” “Oh but he can,” she shuddered, the witch dropped the scarf and slid the robes off her shoulders setting them next to her. Sparing a glance at Albus, Selene sympathised with the blonde boy before her.

“And why is that?”

“She’s being awfully nosy, quite bitchy too.”

“Just because you aren’t on good terms it doesn’t mean he has to ignore his own sister.” Albus shuffles closer his tone drops to a minimal whisper. Selene rubbed her hands trying to heat up the ice cold blue tinted flesh.  

“Also, what happened to innocent sweet Selene?”

“Oh her?” her arm lifted to signal the server, “she’s usually what most see if they don’t know me too well. Ask Scorpius.”

The glance left Selene and moved towards the empty blonde boy next to him. No response came. His head lulled above his fist pushing the skin upwards, hair covering his glacier orbs.

“You ok?” the ginger placed her hand upon his, she felt his fingers twitch, there was no warmth in his touch. Inside her chest, the breathing became a little harder, an exasperated sigh left her.  

“It’s hard, I know. but you have to believe your father did this for a good reason. And now you can let her move in, you’ve always said you wanted a sister.”

“Move in? After my mother’s death?” his voice dripped with poison. It was a little loud gaining attention from the tables nearby. Jisung sent the most blood curdling nape shivering stare at Selene from across the bar.  His eyes were hard-rimmed and fixed, so much so that it was as if he was not able to move his eyeballs.

If looks could kill. The ginger would have disintegrated instantly.

So would Albus have with what Scorpius was sending him.

“Keep it down a little.”

“I am not going to replace my mother any time soon.” He spat back.

“You need her, Scorpius think about it, she will help you and your father get through this. Lyr-” the death glares the two sent made him rethink his choice of words. “Ehem… I- mean she is a girl after all.”

Selene sipped the jug of glowering orange liquid letting it sting the back of her throat slightly. She needed it. Secretly, it was the only thing she was feeling nowadays.

“Rose Weasley can take her in. After all, the two are half-sisters.” His voice was stiff and cut at the end, it was like his throat was clogged. Scorpius hated this topic. He didn’t want to talk about it.  

The others sensed that.

“And you, cut the long night walks with that German Durmstrang boy.”

“Whys that? Am I bothering you in any way?”

“No actually, its not me you’re bothering but-” A hand slapped the two lips that were moving of their own accord. Selene didn’t think nothing of it, but she missed the alarmed state that Albus was in.

“You shouldn’t be walking around he grounds late at night. Its dangerous.”

“Did little miss snitch tell you I was sneaking out late? I knew it!” she turned to the deflated boy. “This is why you shouldn’t talk to her just yet.” She finished her words with another gulp taking in the tingling sensation.

“Selene, I’m being serious, it shouldn’t matter who told me, this is for your own safety.”

“Why does everyone hate him so much?” the witch continued taking larger gulps the farther she got towards the bottom of the cup.

“Can you calm down; you must be really thirsty.”

Selene chuckled but before a word could be uttered, she lifted the closest free hand towards her head, she felt dizzy and her eyes were going blurry.

“Why’s everything spinning?” a murmur left her lips. It was mumbled aloud. A chair dragging across the wooden polished floor was heard in the distance and someone’s figure made their presence known next to her.

“Did she drink from this?” snatching the cup from the table Chenle grabbed it sniffing the few sips left in the cup.

“Yeah, why?”

Selene didn’t see the glare sent towards the table chenle was situated at before he came over, she also didn’t see the way he dropped the few paper bills on the table.

She did feel his strong hand grasp tightly onto her arm and shoulder helping her out of her chair. The daze she was in was getting stronger. Her knees felt week from the sudden force of standing but she pushed through on his command.

“Whats going on?” the question was left unanswered as she was dragged out tumbling next to him as they ventured into the freezing cold.

She had left her robe and scarf at the bar, shivering and dizzy Selene moved to lean onto his arm. Sliding the other across her waist he pulled her to a nearby stable.

“Why did you drink it knowing its full of poison?” he strained. She wasn’t on good terms with him. Actually, she despised the blonde mixed boy.

“Answer me!” his voice rose. Selene couldn’t really see that well her head was pounding, and it was starting to get even worse.

“I-I can’t see clearly. My eyes…” “What… whats going on?” she lifted her fingers to eyes level but all she saw was a messy blur of what used to be HD clear vision. Thin strips of cream-brown against white.

“You took a morbus potion. From your symptoms only a few drops, too much could have killed you.” A silent pause registered between the two, she was confused and the last few words he had said really hit clear. I could have died; I never finished the glass. I could have…

“I’ve taken no such thing.”

“It was in the drink,” his voice was hard, it was like he had a rock lodged in his mouth. “Someone must have slipped it in.”

“I feel like I-” holding her lips shut with her hands she felt something sinister crawl up her throat it blocked her breathing and restricted her normal body flow. Defying gravity and her disaccord of its appearance. Please no, not here…

“Get it out of your system.” His tone lightened slightly, or maybe it was her hearing things. Why would his tone change anyway Selene was over listening into things that didn’t matter right now.

“Take this.” He handed her a bottle it contained a liquid of some sort that didn’t look too familiar, she stared at it cautiously as if it would transfigure into a centipede.

“I don’t want to.”

She was able to push down the thick trickling of crimson blood

“It’s already gone this far, how do I know this isn’t going to kill me?” Selene didn’t move her head she just lifted her eyes staring him up, the trust was gone. It was hidden, locked away until he took the key out. But she didn’t expect the answer he gave her…

He sighed dropping his hand before looking away his eyes glanced anywhere but her face. The breath that left his dry, chapped lips evaporated into smoke coalescing itself into the air.

“Good point,” he pressed his lips into a thin line. “Why would I stop you from drinking the rest of the jug back then?”

Selene glanced down, his face had no show of remorse and it had a blank expression plastered onto it. She couldn’t maintain eye contact at all. It felt pointless.

His words made sense though…

“Drink it all.”

Listening to him, she took the first sip hesitantly, not minding the bitter taste. It felt heavy on her tongue but she too it in accepting it was good for her.

“You’ll be alright.” he muttered the words, in the wintery cold that surrounded them Selene felt her heart warm up slightly. She would never admit it now but it felt nice having someone look out. Even if it was with a frown and a dry response.

 [09:15PM]

Selene felt drained. Absolutely exhausted and while she did love nothing but a good rest she still had to do her night duties before she finally could rest this included the lengthy check and route of the whole 2nd floor and near the library.

It would have been 10 times easier- not to mention faster- if it wasn’t for the bratty 3rd year that refused to help her out. The job was specifically made for two yet she never showed up. But the ginger couldn’t bring it in her debilitated self to spend any longer than necessary looking for the young student.

“For fuck sake…” selenes face fell completely. She was aggravated to the max now, which can be added to the list of emotions she was feeling. The last thing she’d expect to see was the young student supposed to be helping her helping her own needs.

The sound of lips against lips filled the air and half of her internally cringed, the lewd sounds filling the air too fast to comprehend. God did she wish to wash out her ears with soap. But as she left a figment of her imagination removed the figure of the male student much older than the girl and placed a charming and devilish German student that had been taking up to much of her mind lately.

For a short second, it was barely comprehensible. his light caress and soft touch was all she yearned for. She shook her head continuing all the rounds she needed to finish. The guilt inside her built up daily but she pressed it down.

During the cold and wintery days. The gloom that was slowly being foreshadowed around the castle, Yangyang was the only source of happiness and joy she found. He filled her with something so intangible and sensual it was so difficult to describe.

And Selene felt herself change bit by bit, she tried to subconsciously hold back. Avoiding him on certain days and cancelling scheduled meet ups but it was inevitable, Yangyang was slowly yet voraciously devouring every inch of her being. She could feel it in the way she looked at him. The way her thoughts where changing. Her desires were developing.

Something once so innocent – a touch from him – a simple sensory fondle. Turned into a carnal and instinctual hunger that he had awoken in her. What was I turning into?…

[Selene Pov]

I felt that relief I craved for when I entered the dorms. Red or green it never mattered when I was weak in the knees. I looked at my bed like a man who was stranded in the dessert looked at fresh water.

“Look who’s here...”

“Please don’t start.” I knew this was going to be rough getting past the two crow-like girls at their beds but I didn’t expect their beady eyes glaring in the pitch dark the cool toned shadow casting harsh shapes across their faces.

“What?”

“We know what you borrowed.” A sigh left her lips as Jinny finished speaking, but the sly raven next to her muttered “She really stole it…” “Ravelle!”

“I didn’t do anything.” A frustrated exhale left my own lips. They wouldn’t know a thing because I never let them know about anything. It wasn’t their business.

“Does this ring a bell to you?” Ravelle stood up waving a slither of tentacula its sticky residue dripping from its end.

“Yeah.” I simply muttered, shrugging and to Ravelle’s shock. She probably thought I was going to deny everything.  

“It’s what you mix every morning to slap” I lightly tapped my fingers onto her cheeks “onto your face, what was it for again- oh right. Your beautiful visuals… right?” I rolled my eyes after feigning thought.

The sniggers didn’t go unnoticed from Jinny who had rolled back onto her bed fully. The glimmer in her beading eyes was picked up by the light rays of moonlight sheathed inside.

“Don’t you dare make fun of my natural face masks and answer me truthfully.” Her voice picked up in volume.

“You’re pathetic.” Ravelle spat back after no response from me.

“You’d really love to know what was in that wrap I held before, don’t you?” I edged coyly. I loved having her on edge like this. But it wouldn’t last too long…

“Sit down.”

I motioned to sit down pointing for her to do as I say.

“There’s no point in getting mad now since it’s already over. There is nothing you could do about it.” I couldn’t help but stop myself from giggling slightly. It was too good.

“I gave the wrap of tentacula away. It wasn’t for me anyways.” I smiled

Ravelle started feeling uncomfortable, she shifted from her position awkwardly. Blinking multiple times.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean Gryffindor or any house for a matter of fact is going nowhere. This year belongs to Durmstrang and I just made sure they got a head start.”

“WHAT THE FUCK?” Ravelle’s eyes went as wide as saucers, “What have you done? Selene!” Jinny’s voice piped up for the first time, the shriek in her voice prominent.

“You’ll find out soon.” I sniggered, a smirk coming up to form at my lips.

 “Shit shi- Guys! You won’t believe this!” the doors to the main dormitories slam open and in came a breathless and beyond petrified Irene, the young girl held her posture against her shaking knees.

The worry evident in her chewed dry lips and pale yellow face. A few more moments and it looked like she was about to throw up.

“They, the- oh god.” It’s like realisation flushed her face, Irene was gobsmacked she frowned glancing at the two girls that were accusing me. Jinny flipped over to see the ghastly expression Irene adorned.

“What is it, spit it out already!”

“James. And uh- Well James potter and his friends they got severely injured.”

“WHAT?” the screech was pitched so high I was surprised it didn’t shatter the clouded glass of the window. All three of us flinched.

“Calm down Ravelle,” Jinny pushed past, fixing her hair. She smiled gently towards the terrified girl. “How did they get injured, tell me what happened clearly” after a few seconds of sharp breaths, Irene spoke shuddering the words I had wanted to hear since I gave the plant to him.

“Well, they got injured last night in the pre battle for the lead in the tournament. Someone had put a certain strange plant in their soup.”

“It was- uh… it’s almost fatal for some.” The last few words were muttered but I heard everything as clearly as I could.

At some point I doubted myself, my ears had to be making up sounds for me to hear and feel accomplished. It couldn’t have worked that well.

“It wasn’t just them. The other houses reported similar symptoms to them earlier.” Another young Gryffindor peeped through the wooden door squeaking quietly.

“Get lost pipsqueak!” Ravelle threw the remains of tentacula at the doorway, “I’ll deal with you later. You’ve done something!”

Her eyes screamed anger she was Enraged, Ravelle hit boiling point. Her body buzzing with a fury that could only be calmed with the sight of her secret lover safe.  

“Yeah yeah,” I waved my hand swatting her as she stormed off. She couldn't do a thing.

 This was only the beginning of things…

@ajuniceuajuniceu​ @kkuljungwoo​ @sensiblebutch​ @kangkinoa​ @nctzen2020​ @mystic-jungkook​ @merryandhappylele​ @bcbymingi​ @mochischeeks  @rilakunma​ @jaehyunspaghetti​ @commentgirl​ @99jjh​ @johnnys-wifeu​ @misaraem @apricottulips​ @h2ogamergirl@angelsnowflake​

(if you want to be added to the taglist please send in an ask or direct message me thanks)

[im-justso-bored]

Week 3 of clown theories and analysis

S3E03 - Meetings Have Biscuits

OH BOY. what a lot to unpack here. so im gonna save that Scene™ for last because i’ll never get to everything else if i don’t. i’m actually having to rewatch while writing this review because honestly what even happened other than The Bus Scene™??

The Tuning Fork Kills - i’m not a big fan of these kills, they were so unrealistic lol everything else about this scene was gold though. V going back and forth between the maid and the baby was hilarious. im disappointed we couldn’t actually see V steal the baby. does V even know how to properly hold a baby lol

I Have All My Best Thoughts In The Bath - Such a Carolyn thing to do here lol idk about anyone else but when Eve came into the bathroom, i got so excited, you can just tell when she walks through the door that she’s back to her old self. also this might be an unpopular opinion but i like Mo. i saw some posts about how unusual it is that Eve trusts the Bitter Pill team so quickly but i think it’s less a matter of trust and more a matter of resources. both Bitter Pill and MI6 need something from the other and Eve surely can’t do it all herself. Also each group is invested with Kenny working at Bitter Pill and then of course, Carolyn being invested as his mother. i dont think either group is really happy about the arrangement but they’re working with it to achieve a common goal

I’m Not Ready - i love how Dasha just casually puts the baby in the trash and literally no one notices lol. I’m actually really surprised that V didn’t hop on the next flight to London after processing that Eve is alive. i guess that really shows just how much V actually feels when it comes to Eve that she LITERALLY HAS TO SORT OUT HER FEELINGS BEFORE SEEING EVE, she’s such a gay mess and im here for it

6 Million Euros - so im a little confused by how willing Konstantin was to loan Charles 6 million euro that he doesn’t have. it seems that they’re old friends based on their conversation about their families but it sill seems a bit strange to me how Konstantin agreed to give him the money. Also if V was tasked with killing Charles, wouldn’t Konstantin know this if he’s supposedly still working for The Twelve? so why go through the trouble of looking for the money if he was just going to die anyway? This makes me believe that Konstantin is working for someone else entirely. what do you guys think?

Roman Centurion - can we talk about how V is literally everyone who has ever gotten their heartbroken? she gets to London fully expecting to see Eve and instead of putting on La Villanelle, she decides to go for a “powerful” scent to show Eve just how much she’s moving up in the world and has “moved on”. she’s so dramatic 😂

Poland - Niko is moving further and further out of Eve’s life and as much as i want it to be Eve who is done with him, i’ll take it at this point because finally.

Who Doesn’t Answer Their Phone On A Stakeout?! - what a GREAT scene. Other than The Bus Scene™, i think this is my favorite scene of season 3 so far. This scene really brought me back to season 1 with the music, the tension, the coldness and calm with how V carried out the kill. 10/10. this is also my favorite kill of season 3 so far. everything about this scene was perfect. This scene was also a great tribute to Killing Eve: No Tomorrow! the tension was sooooo good, this scene actually gave me chills. like i was pretty confident that Carolyn wasn’t going to die but they had me second guessing myself. also the way Mo reached out for Carolyn and was so relieved when she opened her eyes! Both of their performances here was incredible. Especially when Carolyn went home. We’re seeing so many different sides of Carolyn this season and Fiona is nailing all of them!

I’m Wearing Power - I love Villanelle and Konstantin’s relationship so much, i totally thought V was going to say something about how Eve kissed her and Konstantin would be the disapproving best friend who has told her countless times to stay away from her “ex”. im really curious to see where Villanelle’s interest in finding her family stems from. she said that in order to have power, you need knowledge and that’s why she wants to find her family which i believe is partly true but i also think there’s another reason. we’ve seen her having more feelings this season like when she was empathizing with Felix and then when watching the news with the father and the baby. Maybe she wants to know what that feels like? To have someone so happy to see you again after thinking you were gone? maybe she saw herself as the baby? Her family thinks she’s dead and maybe she’s thinking she’ll get that same reaction when returning to them. if that’s the case, that will reunion will end badly for her. im excited to see how much episode 4 dives into this storyline.

Admit it, Eve. You Wish I Was Here - okay so this scene was just as gay as The Bus Scene™, if not more so. Eve went through so many emotions here. Confusion as to where the voice was coming from, realization when finding the bear, anger at the thought of V toying with her again, and then ending with just pure fucking longing and acceptance as she replayed the voice over and over again. she’s so gay and i’m so glad she’s finally giving into it

The Bus Scene™ - it’s been 18 hours and i still haven’t processed that this actually happened. we were all satisfied with them beating the shit out of each other but they really went above and beyond with this scene. everything about this scene was perfect. the way Villanelle walked up Eve just radiated confidence and big dyke energy and i think i speak for all of us when i say, Jodie could step on me and call me a piece of shit and i would thank her. Eve was ON SIGHT and I STAN. Eve’s reaction was absolutely perfect. I love just how completely she caught V off guard and got a couple of hits in before V regained her composure and ABSOLUTELY TOOK CONTROL OF EVE AND MANEUVERED HER AROUND THAT BUS WHILE SMILING. Like godDAMN, that was sexy, the power struggle between the two of them is just perfect. and the wAY V FUCKING HOPPED OVER THE SEATS AND SO EFFORTLESSLY STRADDLED EVE. i don’t think i’ve ever been more attracted to anything else. and in the midst of all of this, V had the audacity to say “Smell me, Eve”, i love how unpredictable she is because that sure as hell caught me off guard but at the same time, sexy as hell, only V could make something so outrageous sound so sexy. and the fact that Eve kissed her is sooo important. V was never going to do it first, not after Eve stabbed her and i’m so glad the decision was made to have Eve initiate the kiss. it wouldn’t mean as much to us as fans and to V if V were to do it first. I love how all of V’s confidence and “power” just evaporated when Eve kissed her, we stan a soft Villanelle! and the way they paused to look at each other before EVE HEADBUTTS HER WHICH IS JUST PERFECT. Everything about this scene is so in character for both of them. As outrageous as this scene may seem for anyone from the outside looking in, it was fucking perfect for these characters and everything we needed for a first kiss from them. i’m really excited to see them together again later in the season. i’m really curious to see how or if this changes the dynamic for them. look out for a fanfic about this soon, i think that’s the only way im going to be able to fully process this

OVERALL - i really enjoyed this episode, the tension was just perfect, the plot is picking up and really seems to be going somewhere which im really looking forward to. as of right now, this season could really go anywhere and im really excited to see how it all plays out. i cant believe that after next week we’ll be halfway through season 3, it’s all going by so fast! thanks for letting me rant!

[thewritewolf]

Inseparable Chapter 31: Waiting on You

And so we finally reach the end of my story for Ladynoir July 2019, Inseparable. It’s been a ride and this story really made me think - not just about the relationship between Ladybug and Chat Noir, but about the miraculous and how they interact with each other. I hope you all enjoyed this, and I hope that you’ll keep an eye out for the smaller stories that I’ll be working on in the near future. Thanks for reading!

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

@ladynoirjuly2019

Enjoy!

Read on Ao3

(Really hoping the Read More works since this is like a 3k long chapter)

The two of them exchanged a look before getting up, slowly and cautiously. It was late, past midnight and much later than they would expect any of their friends to drop by. Even assuming that they would appear without calling ahead first - both Adrien and Marinette lived busy lives, after all, and showing up unannounced was a good way to miss them entirely. So whoever was on the other side of that door knew they were there, despite how infrequently they were home or awake at this hour.

Adrien crept ahead of his lady as he approached the door. Names ticked through his head as he tried to puzzle out who it could be. Nino had a DJ gig today. Alya would be sleeping. None of his model coworkers knew where he lived, and neither did most of their friends from lycee. They hadn’t been in this apartment for that long - they had only entertained guests a couple times so far. Ready to pounce if this turned out bad, he opened the door.

Looking up at him, peaceful as ever, was none other than Master Fu. A dark green bag with faded yellow symbols hung from his shoulder.

“Greetings, young one.” He leaned to the side to look behind Adrien. “And hello to you as well, Marinette. I see the two of you have completed the final stage of your training.”

Marinette approached slowly. “How did you…?”

The old man smiled. “To those attuned to the flow of energy, it is clear as day. There is an unbreakable bond between the two of you.” His smile faded and his face became serious. “A bond that I am afraid I will have to test today.”

Pulling Marinette closer to him instinctively, Adrien eyed the old master suspiciously. “It’s been a while since we’ve talked and that’s one of the first things that you say?”

His hands rested on the gnarled old cane that he carried. “I understand your protectiveness, Adrien Agreste. But I promise you, this is for the good of all. Will you at least hear what I would ask of you?”

With a sigh, Adrien stood aside. “Okay, okay. I at least owe you that much.”

“At the very least,” Master Fu confirmed with a small smile.

While Adrien sat back down to where, just a few minutes ago, he’d been occupied with kissing his girlfriend, Marinette pulled a chair in front of the couch and took her spot next to Adrien. Master Fu nodded his thanks as he settled into the repositioned chair. To Adrien’s immense surprise, the guardian almost seemed… uncertain. Not as composed as he remembered from his earlier years.

Wayzz appeared from Fu’s hawaiian shirt and floated above the others. Tikki and Plagg rose to meet him and the three of them sailed towards the kitchen, no doubt looking to scrounge for some snacks. Adrien watched them before returning his attention to Fu.

“I know that you don’t like to make house calls unless you absolutely have to,” Marinette said, finally breaking the silence. “So I understand that whatever you are here for, you consider to be very important.” She wrung her hands from nerves and Adrien settled one hand over them. “But I get the feeling you don’t like what you’re going to ask.”

After a moment, Master Fu nodded slowly. “You are correct. I am here because of this,” he reached into his bag and pulled out an object that Adrien was all too familiar with - the Peacock miraculous.

It had been years since he had seen it last, but it had been seared into his memory as the end of his family, such that it was. From what Master Fu had told him, it was what had made his mother fall into a coma, and his father’s possession of it was a major reason Adrien had realized his father was Hawkmoth. But Adrien also remember that it was…

“You want us to fix it,” Adrien blurted out.

Fu’s eyes widened ever so slightly, but he nodded. “The creator of the miraculous is long gone. The secret knowledge and techniques of my order has been lost for over a century. The only power left in this world capable of restoring this miraculous is that of the Ladybug and Black Cat miraculous, working in tandem.”

Beside him, Marinette gasped. “You knew!” At Adrien’s confused look, she elaborated. “You knew that the Peacock was damaged from the beginning. All this time, I had wondered why you chose to send out the two miraculous that Hawkmoth had wanted but… it makes sense now. You needed us to fix the Peacock miraculous.”

“It was a gamble, but I had faith in the ones who I had chosen.” Master Fu’s eyes were resolute. “My faith was rewarded when you successfully returned the long missing miraculous. For that, I am grateful.” He bowed his head in respect. “I had resigned myself to wait for years for your powers to mature, but both of you became stronger far quicker than I had ever hoped. I simply wish that you had not been forced to access your abilities so prematurely.”

“But we were,” Adrien stated. “And now it sounds like you’re asking us to do it again.” His hand tightened around Marinette’s.

“I understand that you feel trepidation after what happened last time…”

“I nearly watched the love of my life die!” Adrien growled. “You honestly think that-”

“Adrien.” Her voice was calm, but stern. His anger that had been slowly building up evaporated in an instant as his attention turned back to her. “We have to help. It’s our duty.”

He cupped her cheek and through the mask of determination she wore he could see the fear buried deep in her eyes. “...Haven’t you given enough already?” His voice broke as he added, “I don’t want to lose you. Not again.”

“Chaton…” She kissed his nose and pulled him close. “We have to do this. It’s something only we can do.” His arms wrapped around her so he could hold her tight. He buried his face into her shoulder. “If it isn’t us, then someone even less prepared will try and fail. Right, Master Fu?”

“Indeed. It is rare to see a pair as inseparable as you two. That bond will be your weapon and your armor in this coming battle.” Adrien heard the chair squeak and the sound of something being placed on the table. “You know where I live. Take all the time you need.” His voice became distant. “Good luck, young ones.”

The door closed behind him. The apartment was silent for a few minutes as Tikki and Plagg floated over the damaged miraculous.

“Oh, poor Duusu… I can barely feel her presence. She must be so weak.” There was sadness in Tikki’s watery eyes. Plagg placed a comforting paw on her head.

“Don’t worry, Sugarcube. Won’t be too much longer before we’re one big happy family again…” he peered over his shoulder to Adrien, an uncharacteristic seriousness on his face. “...Right, kid?”

Adrien buried his face in his hands. “...Right, Plagg.”

Marinette’s hand rubbed circles on his back while her other one rested on his knee. She was quiet when she spoke. “I know you’re worried, mon chaton.” She wrapped her arms around him. “I am too.”

“I don’t know what we’re about to be getting ourselves into.” He returned her hug, holding her as tight as he could. “But I’m glad that it’s you that’s going to be by my side for this. For all of this. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better.”

Her smile was weak but radiant, like a glimpse of the sun seen in a rainstorm. “You took the words right out of my mouth.” Brushing aside the nascent tears, she stood up. “Are you ready to start?”

“You want to do this now?” Adrien rose as well, glancing between the kwamis and the broken miraculous.

“I’m afraid if I think about this too much then I’ll chicken out.”

A surprised laugh forced its way out of him. “That’s fair.” He turned to the kwami. “Do either of you need any recharging before we get started?”

“Kid, this goes against everything I stand for but... No, I’m full. Let’s do this.” Plagg narrowed his eyes and nodded at Adrien.

“I feel stronger than I have in generations.” Tikki swirled around Marinette’s head. “I’m so lucky to have such a wonderful chosen. Both of you are so brave.”

“So…” Adrien looked into the silvery metal of his ring. “How do we do this?”

“Traditionally, it starts with you transforming, ya dingus.” Plagg’s tail flicked back and forth irritatedly.

“Yes, Plagg, I managed to figure that part out on my own. But what about after that?”

Tikki floated into his field of view. “You have to remember, Adrien, that this isn’t a common event and we are always inside the miraculous when it happens. The only advice we can give you is to do the meditations as usual and just… focus your energy on Duusu’s miraculous. The rest should make itself clear.”

After a moment, Adrien nodded slowly. “Alright… let’s give this a shot then. Plagg, claws out!”

“Tikki, spots on!”

And just like that Chat Noir and Ladybug stood in the middle of their living room. It had been over a month since he’d gone through the familiar transformation and despite his fears, it felt like slipping into a favorite outfit.

“Are you ready to start?” Adrien asked.

Ladybug nodded and put a pillow on the ground next to the table where the miraculous sat. She handed one to Adrien and nodded towards the opposite end of the table. Once they were seated, they locked hands and Adrien was reminded of old timey seances. Who knows? Maybe this is where they got the idea from in the first place.

With a slight effort of will, he discarded his thoughts like he was shrugging off his jacket. His mind became unanchored and within moments he felt her presence beside him in a way that went beyond the physical. He didn’t have long to enjoy it, however, as he felt himself being pulled toward… something. The sensation of being moved was unlike anything he’d experienced yet during their meditation - he hadn’t even realized that was a thing that could happen.

But before he could make any sense of it, let alone figure out how to resist the pull, he felt himself collide with what he could only describe as a cloud that brushed painfully over his skin as he tore through it.

Wait.

Skin?

He opened his eyes and discovered that while he wasn’t outside his own body any more, he also wasn’t inside his apartment. He was laying on his back and staring up at the sky, which was fractal and reflective like lavender crystal. Large cracks broke up the patterns and from those cracks came red storm clouds that crackled with lightning as he struggled to get his bearings. Rolling over, he saw the ground was covered in a dull red dirt. As he stood up and looked to the horizon, he saw that same dirt spread out into infinity, utterly flat and barren. His ears perked up when he heard coughing and he whirled around toward the noise.

Ladybug was groaning as she sat up, her eyes widening as she took in her new surroundings. She gladly took the hand that he offered and they both stood in the open area, looking around.

“Any idea where we are, bugaboo?”

She was staring up at the clouds and crystal sky. “You ever wonder what the inside of a miraculous looks like?”

“I- You don’t really think…?” He frantically looked around at the desolation. His sympathy for the kwami increased - is this what they had to live in while waiting for new chosen?

“No… usually it is much more… pleasant.”

A tiny voice made both of them jump and they turned toward the source, already pulling out their weapons. Behind them floated a blue kwami with a large, beautiful tail that reminded him of a peacock.

“...Duusu?” Adrien whispered as he stepped closer. Getting a better look, he realized that there were darker patches all along her body, her eyes were sunken, and even her tail seemed ragged and torn. “What… happened to you?”

“I’ve been trying to hold on…” The kwami sniffled. “But they can slip in through the cracks. I don’t think I can make it much longer… Not before they push me out completely.”

“Who? Who are ‘they’?”

“The darkness that seeps in from beyond. They’re coming.” The kwami coughed and Ladybug lunged to catch her as she dropped like a stone. “Please… help.”

Lightning struck and instead of thunder reaching his ears, he instead heard roars like those of wild animals. He looked toward the noise and saw creatures made of a substance like a dark purple, liquid shadow. The analogy of wild animals was accurate, to a point. They ran on four legs, and there was a sense of claws and fangs, but that was where the similarities ended. Just as he was getting ready to fight, he felt Ladybug slip something into his pocket.

“Take care of Duusu. I don’t know if she can handle any more punishment.”

“As you wish, my lady.” He extended his baton into a staff and settled into a defensive stance. “How about I take the dozens on the left and you take the ones on the right?”

“Duusu has been at this for ages, chaton. Beating these things is only part of the problem.” She pointed toward the cracks in the crystal. “I think we need to do something about those if we’re going to make any kind of real progress.”

“I don’t know how to even start fixing that, but before we can try…” The monsters were almost upon them. “...Let’s drive these things back.”

It had been years since the two of them had a fight that pushed them to their limits. Adrien had been worried that they would be rusty after all that time, but they rose to the challenge. Never before had he ever felt so in sync with his lady - no matter how hard the monsters pressed, they couldn’t manage to break their flawless defense. Despite their horrific appearance, the shadow creatures were individually taken down easily. Maybe it was because they didn’t need to worry about an innocent person being inside, or maybe they had just gotten that much stronger over the years, but it felt incredibly easy to destroy them.

At least, the first few waves.

It quickly became clear that while they weren’t the most threatening on their own, they had numbers on their side and were slowly wearing them down. Hits began landing, sneaking their way through their defenses. Adrien began accumulating cuts. He could feel bruises forming on his skin. Growling, he pushed aside the pain and pressed on. In his focus, he began to hear a voice in the back of his head.

Grab that one throw it into that one keep Chat’s back clear how to deal with the crystal sky don’t know keep fighting have to keep fighting

He was surprised, but in recognizing the mental voice as belonging to his lady, he submerged himself entirely into the fight.

Before long, he felt her surprise as well and the voice in his mind became stronger, more coherent. Without the burden of words, their reactions become as quick as thought. They lost themselves to a zen state of fighting, sinking further than they ever had before into a trance-like state. He wasn’t sure when he became they, but before long they controlled both bodies with one mind.

Things became foggy after that point. The monsters kept pouring after them but they couldn’t make it within twenty meters before being erased like shadows by the sun. Their attention turned as one towards the crystal skies, the clouds evaporating as the crystal began regenerating. Their light became blinding and all that they remembered next was searing white light.

------------------

Marinette woke up in her apartment. Her back hurt as she pulled herself out of the awkward angle that she had been sleeping in, draped over the edge of the couch behind her. In front of her, Adrien had sprawled out on the floor. Her heart skipped a beat in panic and she stared breathlessly at him, fearing the worst. As she stared, however, she saw his chest rise and fall like she always did late at night. She crawled over to him and shook his shoulder, wincing at the sunlight streaming in through the windows.

It was at this point she realized she was no longer in her suit. That wasn’t too surprising - she could go long stretches of time these days transformed but after what they did-

Her eyes widened as she remembered what it was they had been trying to do. While Adrien groggily sat up, pawing at his eyes, Marinette turned her attention toward the miraculous sitting on the table.

Floating above it was a blue, smiling kwami. Adrien noticed her too.

“Hey, boss,” Adrien croaked with a smile. “Looks like we did it.”

He reached over to brush away the tears she didn’t realize she’d been shedding and she immediately launched herself into Adrien’s arms. Marinette’s heart was so full of joy it was close to bursting. They’d done it. Neither of them had gotten hurt, and they could go on with their lives unburdened by the past.

-----------------

Down below, in a place running on backup generators and reserve power, only a single light flickered above a sarcophagus of glass and metal and and doubtless a touch of magic.

Inside was a woman.

She opened her eyes.

[innerclouds]

Another big ask request:

   “Wait, these are actually hella cute questions.”

—

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Don't recall.

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Latter.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Bae.

4. Are you easy to get along with? Probably not.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? If I'm drunk chances are they're drunk too so attempts at care would be made.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Big brains.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Mebe.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Idk.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? No.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Bae.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? Something about freezing to death.

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Don't have any currently.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? No touchy.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Luck sorta, miracles no.

15. What good thing happened this summer? Computer didn't melt.

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Do e-kisses count?

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? You'd have to be stupid to think there wasn't any. Now if said life is as intelligent(lol) as humans or higher, that's another story.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Not really.

19. Do you like bubble baths? Not really.

20. Do you like your neighbors? Yes and no.

21. What are you bad habits? Nail nibbling.

22. Where would you like to travel? Lotta places.

23. Do you have trust issues? Yes, but it's more on the surface due to anxiety, if I get to know someone it evaporates.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Chat with bae.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? There's two of them and they sit high.

26. What do you do when you wake up? Yell at the cat to stfu/pitch alarm.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Albino levels of lighter.

28. Who are you most comfortable around? Bae, cat, 2/3 siblings.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? I have not had contact with them so I don't know and I honestly don't care.

30. Do you ever want to get married? Yus.

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yes.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Ew.

33. Spell your name with your chin. No, you know how much bacteria is on a keyboard? I keep mine clean but even so, that's nasty.

34. Do you play sports? What sports? No.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV. I mean I already technically do, I don't bother watching anymore unless movies count but I use my comp for that.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes.

37. What do you say during awkward silences? Absolutely nothing.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Bae.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Sprouts? Costco? I dunno, I wouldn't call those favorites, they're just stores.

40. What do you want to do after high school? I wanted to be into dinos, but too much leg work in terrible environments plus layoffs layoffs layoffs.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Ye.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? Any number of things.

43. Do you smile at strangers? Lolno.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Spaaaaaaaaaaaace.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Chats with bae, cat yowling, alarm, not wanting to be homeless so go to work

46. What are you paranoid about? That is an extremely long list.

47. Have you ever been high? Yes.

48. Have you ever been drunk? Unfortunately.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Maybe.

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Black.

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yep.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Rather not say.

53. Favourite makeup brand? What makeup?

54. Favourite store? I answered this above.

55. Favourite blog? Bae's.

56. Favourite colour? Answered this.

57. Favourite food? Answered this.

58. Last thing you ate? Ice cube.

59. First thing you ate this morning? Orange juice.

60. Ever won a competition? For what? Ah... halloween costume thing in a game once, years ago.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? No.

62. Been arrested? For what? No.

63. Ever been in love? Yes.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? I don't think it counts.

65. Are you hungry right now? Sure.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Who says those aren't one in the same?

67. Facebook or Twitter? Both are equally interesting and retarded at the same time.

68. Twitter or Tumblr? See above.

69. Are you watching tv right now? No.

70. Names of your bestfriends? Sebbysheepy

71. Craving something? What? Bison burgers, thanks to above.

72. What colour are your towels? Black, gray and misc print.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? Four if you count the body pillow.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 11.

75. Favourite animal? Sharks, birds

76. What colour is your underwear? Currently? Dark blue.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Yes.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Answered this.

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Black.

80. What colour pants? Gray.

81. Favourite tv show? Answered this.

82. Favourite movie? Answered this.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Never seen either.

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? See above.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Stop asking about whatever mean girls is I've never seen it.

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Bruce and the sharks.

87. First person you talked to today? Cat.

88. Last person you talked to today? Bae.

89. Name a person you hate? I don't hate exactly, I just dislike with various tiers.

90. Name a person you love? People with brains.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? No because that means I'd have to touch them.

92. In a fight with someone? Cat maybe.

93. How many sweatpants do you have? Three or four.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? Two.

95. Last movie you watched? Don't recall.

96. Favourite actress? None.

97. Favourite actor? Sam Neill.

98. Do you tan a lot? I burn.

99. Have any pets? Gatto.

100. How are you feeling? Meh.

101. Do you type fast? Yes and no.

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Tons.

103. Can you spell well? Well.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? No.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Possibly.

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes.

108. What should you be doing? Drawing.

109. Is something irritating you right now? This ask request has over 100 questions, that's abnormal.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yes.

111. Do you have trust issues? Wtf, I've answered this in this same ask thing.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Idk.

113. What was your childhood nickname? I'd rather not say, it was mean.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes.

115. Do you play the Wii? No.

116. Are you listening to music right now? No.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Yes.

118. Do you like Chinese food? Love it.

119. Favourite book? Anwered this.

120. Are you afraid of the dark? No.

121. Are you mean? I try not to be but I can be.

122. Is cheating ever okay? No.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? I don't have white shoes.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes.

125. Do you believe in true love? Yes.

126. Are you currently bored? Not really.

127. What makes you happy? Bae.

128. Would you change your name? Absolutely.

129. What your zodiac sign? Rat.

130. Do you like subway? No.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Uh, lol.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? I've answered this in the same ask thing. You need to screen these so there's no repeats. Shit gets old.

133. Favourite lyrics right now? None.

134. Can you count to one million? Why?

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? Been a few of those.

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed hopefully!

137. How tall are you? Smol.

138. Curly or Straight hair? Me? Wavey.

139. Brunette or Blonde? Me? Brunette.

140. Summer or Winter? Autumn.

141. Night or Day? Night.

142. Favourite month? Autumn or mid spring.

143. Are you a vegetarian? No. Meat is too tasty.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark cocolate.

145. Tea or Coffee? Yes.

146. Was today a good day? Meh.

147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers.

148. What’s your favourite quote? "Never try, never fail."

149. Do you believe in ghosts? Sorta.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? "That creep."

[whiskynottea]

An Interruption in the 1st Law of Thermodynamics.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40 Chapter 41 Chapter 42 Chapter 43

AO3

@theministerskat , thank you so much for being such an awesome beta!

Chapter 44. Dreams

In the morning, I felt Jamie’s soft lips against my cheek. His whispered words mingled with my dreams, causing me to doubt that he was really in my room - Lallybroch’s guest room.

“We’re leaving, Sassenach,” he announced, lightly pecking my lips with a kiss that didn’t quite alleviate my want for him.

“What time is it?” I asked confused, opening my eyes to see the most beautiful sky blue in his. He wore an indigo t-shirt and jeans, and he was smiling.

“Seven-fifteen. Go back to sleep. We’ll be back before ye know it.” With that, the heat of his body vanished from my side. I heard the door close behind him, and my heavy eyelids shut the light out again. It was too early.

I nuzzled my pillow, pulled the covers up to my chin, and thought of him.

Dream a little dream of me.

I woke up almost four hours later, and stared at my phone, stunned at how late I had slept. 

That’s what holidays are for, right?

Relieved that Brian wasn’t there to witness my waking hours - the man woke up before dawn - I stretched my body languorously and got out of bed. Having the entire house to myself had its advantages. Without bothering to get dressed, I padded to the kitchen in my pyjamas, looking forward to a warm cup of coffee. 

It was a beautiful summer day. The rays of sunshine squeezed through the curtains to dance upon the wooden kitchen table, Bran barked his disagreement with the chickens’ behavior in the yard, birds were chirping from the trees next to the back door, their song a praise to the cloudless sky. 

The house was quiet and I closed my eyes. The coffee’s scent had filled the room and I inhaled deeply, listening to all the sounds that were usually swallowed by the constant buzz of the city. I was far away from Edinburgh, and yet, this place felt like home. 

Lallybroch held a distinctive warmth, like a wisp of vanilla and cinnamon enfolding me when I stepped into the house. Brian, Jenny, Jamie… They had opened their arms to me. Even Ellen, with her fiery locks flying in the wind, smiled at me through the picture on Brian’s desk. Her eyes kind, her gaze conspicuous. Take care of them.

I suddenly felt alone. There was a note with Jamie’s writing on the table and I picked it up to see a smiley face next to a hastily-written ‘Good morning, babe. Breakfast in the oven.’ I chuckled and opened the oven door to find a bowl of porridge, with blueberries and toasted nuts.

My little chef. Jamie Fraser is not little. My personal chef, I amended.

With a smile, I took the bowl with one hand, my coffee with the other, and headed to the library. On my way there I realized I had left my phone in the kitchen, but I had read Jamie’s good morning text already, and it would probably be a while before he could send another message.

We had been at Lallybroch just for a day, when Jamie’s coach had called him, asking if he and his father could return to Edinburgh because he needed to talk to them – both of them. He apologized for the inconvenience but insisted it was important. 

Jamie and I had spent the previous night on the couch, him lying on my outstretched legs, making guesses as to the meeting’s purpose. At last, we agreed that Jamie’s coach would want to talk to Brian about Jamie’s future, and make sure he would continue training with the team during the next year.

Which was ideal, concerning our gap year plans.

Our applications to the colleges at Oxford University would be due in October. Our interviews would follow in December, and by the beginning of the new year we would know if we were accepted.

We would - I knew it. And then we would celebrate our success with a trip to Paris, just as we had agreed. Maybe Rome, too, depending on our budget.

Our budget was currently at zero, but we had come up with a way to fix that tiny detail. We had both started looking for jobs in Edinburgh, and we wanted to talk to Brian about our plans as soon as possible, because he had to let Jamie stay with Murtagh one more year. Maybe it would be easier after the meeting, if his coach talked to Brian about the importance of Jamie’s training.

But just in case, we had a backup plan too. Once Brian set his mind to something, it was difficult to convince him to change it - just like his son. So if he would insist on Jamie staying at Lallybroch, I would go with him and find a job in Inverness. We wouldn’t spend our gap year apart when the last year we had been just a phone call and 10 minutes away.

Thinking of my phone, I remembered the message he had sent me that morning and a wide grin spread across my face. It had been a gif of a sleepy baby, and a text saying how much he would like to be in bed with me. 

Just a few more hours and he will be back.  

Perched in my armchair – the olive armchair that I had declared mine – I ate my breakfast, staring at the bookshelves and wondering what to read. My gaze fell on Circe, the book Jenny had suggested, and I soon found myself lost in its pages, forgetting to finish my coffee.

I was so engrossed with my book, that the next time I checked the big clock on the wall behind me I sprang to my feet and almost ran to the kitchen. 

Two hours had passed, and the meeting would certainly be finished by now. I was sure that I would find tons of messages from Jamie wondering where I was – and yet, there was nothing.

Sassenach: Jamie? Are you still in the meeting?

Five minutes passed without a reply. Five minutes, even though he was online.

Sassenach: Jamie?

He didn’t read my messages.

Calm down, he probably hasn’t checked his phone. I heard a little, calm voice in my head.

But he’s online. An evil second one, added.

Sassenach: Is everything okay?

Nothing came in response to my texts. I paced back and forth in the kitchen, then back to the library to retrieve my bowl.

I checked my phone again. Nothing. I washed the bowl to avoid sending yet another message. Once my hands were dry again, I grabbed my phone from the table, typing furiously.

Sassenach: Where are you?

Finally, three dots appeared on my screen – only to disappear again. I felt my stomach clench. Jamie never hesitated when messaging with me. But he had never avoided me before either.

I typed again, but deleted my message. I stood in the middle of the kitchen – his kitchen – on that same beautiful summer day, and yet I shivered. I stared at my phone’s screen, waiting, willing myself not to text him again. Finally, his picture appeared on my screen, next to a new message.

Scot: Coming home, Sassenach.

That was all? No emojis, not even an exclamation point?

Sassenach: Are you alright?

Scot: Yes, fine. Ttyl. 

Talk to you later, my ass.

That wasn’t fine. It was far from fine. Miles away from fine. Jamie never texted like this.

What the hell happened in Edinburgh?

I spent the next two hours watching the clock, wishing the hands to move faster. Wishing Brian to speed up, to bring Jamie back home to me.

I needed to see him, to listen to him say he was ‘fine’ and look me in the eye. He wasn’t fine.

I had tried to resume reading, but I couldn’t focus. I could do nothing but pace back and forth, then sink in the armchair in despair only to find that my limbs needed to move as much as my lungs needed to breathe.

The house suddenly seemed too big, too empty. Every little sound drew my attention, upsetting me. A subtle sound of plates settling on the drying rack in the kitchen, scaring me half to death, a door creaking, the roof clicking… And above every other sound, the one of my nerves rattling. The same question repeating itself in my head, loud and clear.

What is wrong? What had happened?

We had everything planned, we had thought of a solution for every possible problem. This meeting was supposed to help us.

And yet, Jamie wasn’t speaking to me. We had promised we would share everything, and now he wasn’t opening up to me.

I had my head buried in my hands when I heard Brian’s car and then the front door opening. I walked to the foyer to find Brian alone, his brow furrowed, mirroring mine. 

“Jamie?” I asked, hesitantly. 

“He’s outside, lass. Give him a moment, aye?” His eyes were soft, his lips pressed in a tight line. As if he was sorry.

Sorry for what?

I nodded, but my lips moved involuntarily, asking “Why?”, even though I knew there would be no answer to my question. 

I waited five minutes. Five excruciating minutes, and then I walked back to the front door, put my shoes on, took a deep breath and stepped out. The sun blinded me for a second, and then I saw him, tall and impressive, red hair fiercer than the sun, standing on end in all possible directions.

With a shaking breath, I walked to him. He stood with his back towards the house, facing the hills, just as he had told me he did as a child, when he felt sad. The scenery calmed him down; wild and tamed, it was like him.

All my anger about him not replying to my messages and then being cold evaporated like fine mist under the sun’s heat. I wanted to hug him. To wrap my hands around his waist and bring him to me, whispering that it would be alright. But as I took a final step towards him, I felt afraid, unsure of how to approach him. I placed my hand between his shoulder blades tenderly, wishing not to startle him.

Jamie took a deep breath and let it out in a single word. “Sassenach.”

I had never heard that tone in his voice before. A relief, feeling my hand on him, mixed with concern and something that was terribly close to fear. 

“Jamie?” My voice was small, but my steps were steady as I walked to face him. “What did your coach say?”

Jamie pursed his lips together, just as Brian had done minutes ago. “Come with me?” he asked, unsure.

“Of course.” I smiled and turned to take his hand. My eyes lingered on the scraped knuckles, the blood still fresh, painting his fingers. “What happened?” I asked, swallowing with difficulty. 

“I punched a tree,” he answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You punched a tree.” I repeated. “And I guess if I go check, the tree will be worse than you, right?”

Jamie rolled his eyes. “Ye’re really funny, Claire, have I told ye so?” he mocked me, but his lips curled up.

“I think you have,” I said, and took his other hand in mine. “Let’s go inside to clean that up, you bloody Scot.”

His laughter came stronger this time, and I revelled in the sound. As long as I could make him laugh, all would be well. 

Jamie sat quiet while I cleaned and bandaged his wounds. When I finished he pulled me closer, breathed in, and said, “My very own doctor.”

“Always,” I whispered, placing a kiss on the side of his neck. I pulled away then, scowling at him. “Why the hell did you do that?”

Jamie shrugged, his eyes fixed on the floor. “I didna ken what else to do.”

“Will you finally tell me what has happened? I’ve been waiting for hours, Jamie, and you kept me in the dark.”

“Claire,” he said, and his hand came to rest on my cheek. “Ye ken I love ye, aye?”

Things are worse than I thought.

“Tell me,” I pressed, feeling my heart speeding up. 

The kitchen was suddenly too small, the walls too thick to let me breathe. Jamie must had felt it too, because he took my hand and walked us outside again. 

“Come, Sassenach,” he said, when I pulled us in a stop. “I want us to be alone.”

We walked up the hill behind the house and sat on the grass. The view was beautiful, the sun caressing the hills, hues of green and yellow coloring the earth, as if an invisible hand had painted them fresh that same morning. Walking had soothed my nerves, but when I caught my breath again I felt the anxiety build in my chest, rising up in my throat, threatening to choke me.

“Tell me,” I demanded again, before tears could come to my eyes. This tension was painful, the truth he kept from me mocking me from the shadows, hidden, powerful, intimidating. I needed to know.

“There was another coach in the meeting today,” he started, and I took a breath to steady myself, but Jamie didn’t continue.

“And?” I asked, impatient.

Jamie turned away from me, hiding his face in his hands, rubbing his temples. “I was offered a scholarship,” he mumbled in his hands, so low that I wasn’t sure I had heard correctly.

“What?” I froze.

I should be hugging him now.

I wanted to move. I wanted to do something more than just stare at him, lost. Something that wouldn’t aid him in building a wall between us. “A scholarship?” I whispered, striving for more words. “That’s wonderful, Jamie!”

God my heart hurts.

The scholarship wasn’t for Oxford. Because if it was, he would have called me the moment he had left his coach’s office. 

In that moment, seeing my world tumbling down, I smiled the strangest smile of my life. Happy, sad, afraid.

Happy for him. Sad for me. Afraid for us.

He turned in my arms and cupped my face with both hands. “You know I love you, right?”

“I do, Jamie,” I answered and kissed the lips that I ached for all day, tasting him. Counting.

One more kiss, now that he’s still mine.

I needed that kiss, and all the kisses that would follow, to feel his presence next to me, inside my heart. To believe that the end of the world hadn’t come yet. “I do,” I repeated. “Tell me about the scholarship.”

“The coach was from the University of Michigan,” he said in a low voice, as if the volume would change the blow. 

Michigan. The United States. 

Oh God.

I listened to him quietly, not daring to trust my voice, unsure if I wanted to bring my feelings to the surface. This was a great opportunity for him. Maybe the best thing that could have ever happened. Jamie explained to me that the University of Michigan had one of the best bachelor programs for business administration in the US, and one of the best swimming and diving teams. He wore his mask tight, careful to show no emotions. Maybe because he couldn’t sort them out either.

“They have an Olympic sized pool for student-athletes, coaches and sports-specific dieticians and physios. Michael Phelps trained at the University of Michigan.”

Michael Phelps. Jamie’s first crush before he met me.

“It’s going to be amazing, Jamie. I’m so happy for you,” I said and hugged him again. I didn’t want to let go. I needed to keep him there, with me, in that moment while we were still together. But all I could see in front of me were broken dreams, their shards painful against my skin, carving a smile on my face that was neither fake or genuine. 

I didn’t know how to feel. At that moment, I understood why Jamie hadn’t replied to my messages, why he’d hit that tree. It was happiness and anguish mingled together in the most inexplicable way.

“I didn’t say I’m going,” he said pulling away, his eyes searching mine. Dropping his mask.

In that moment, I saw his dreams and aspirations tearing him apart in front of my eyes. Half a heart here, half there. Torn, no matter what.

I wouldn’t do that to him.

“You didn’t accept?” I asked, my voice matter of fact.

“No.” He shook his head repeatedly, as if to prove his innocence, his devotion.

“Jamie, you should. This is like a dream coming true.”

My smile was genuine this time. Not our dream, but his. There was not a me anymore, just him. I had to see him safe, whole. And if I had to sacrifice a part of me to do that, I would gladly cut it out myself.

“I ken,” he said, his voice light at the thought of accepting the offer. “But what about us, Sassenach? Michigan is… far,” he finished lamely.

Too far. But still. 

I took a deep breath, forced the widest smile on my face and took his hand between both mine.

“Are you kidding me? You have the opportunity to go to the US on a scholarship and you’re thinking about it?”

Jamie didn’t say anything, just looked at me. 

“You said you love me,” I said.

“I do!” he exclaimed, his hand squeezing mine. His eyes honest, shining with unshed tears under the sunshine.

“Well, I love you too, you bloody Scot. You will go to Michigan, and we’ll make it work. If…” I trailed off. “If you still want that. Us.”

Jamie wrapped an arm around my waist, claiming my lips with his. “Of course I want that.” His whisper was hot on my lips. “You’re the most important thing in my life, Claire!”

I smiled and kissed the tip of his nose. “We will FaceTime, we will visit, and you’ll come home during breaks, right?” Jamie nodded, and it was my turn to take his lips in mine. It was a long, unhurried kiss; trying to convince us both that we could make it work. 

“He said I have to hurry, if I want to start in January. I have to take the SATs and complete my application by the 1st of October.”

“Then that is what you’ll do.” I shrugged, and smoothed the frown between his eyebrows with my index finger.

“Are you sure?” he asked again, and I silenced him with another kiss.

“I’m sure. You have to go teach Michael Phelps how things are done.”

His laughter. That boisterous sound, filling every empty nook of my soul.

“I dinna ken what I would do without ye, Sassenach,” Jamie whispered, still smiling. The sigh that followed felt as if the weight of the world had been taken away from his shoulders.

And set upon mine.

As we walked back to the house, hands tightly clasped together, I could feel my heart beat with difficulty, my brain hurt.

No Paris. No Rome. No Oxford.

No sleeping in Jamie’s arms every night.

No waking up to his whisper breathing ‘good morning’ in my ear every day.

Dreams crushed, like the wildflowers underneath our shoes.

Chapter 45

[bromfieldhall]

101 Days of Captain Swan - Day 50 - CS Fanfic

Read from the beginning on FF.Net or AO3 or

Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49,

For @deathbycaptainswan and Guest

My thanks to @csmarchmadness for getting me to write something after nearly two years! Hope you all like it.

011:"May I have this dance?"

“Stop fidgeting, little brother, or do you wish everyone in the room to suspect that this is your first time attending a royal ball?”

“Do not call me little brother,” Killian countered irritably. “And I’m not a bloody child, Liam – I don’t fidget, especially at the prospect of some dancing, royal or not.”

In blatant contradiction of his claim, Killian tugged his pristine white vest down a little then adjusted his blue naval jacket. Twice.

“Maybe it’s the prospect of seeing your mystery woman again that has you preening yourself then?” his brother suggested in obvious amusement.

Killian’s head snapped around at that remark and Liam was quite certain that if looks could kill, he would be well and truly dead.

“I knew I would regret telling you,” the younger man muttered in annoyance. He looked away and scanned the near to full ballroom. “Not that it matters. The lady is clearly not coming.”

Liam frowned at his brother’s pessimism and placed a hand on his shoulder, causing the younger man to turn back to him.

“Come now, the Princess has yet to be announced and they’ll only do that when everyone has arrived. So until then, there is still hope. Right, brother?”

Killian gazed at him a moment then finally smiled a little and gave a curt nod.

“Aye. I suppose you’re right.”

“And if she doesn’t come, well then, there are many other women here who are very pleasing to the eye, are there not?” the older man continued helpfully.

Killian’s mouth tightened at that, but he kept his smile in place. How could he possibly explain to Liam that he had no interest in looking at anyone other than her when he couldn’t even explain it to himself?

When they’d docked that morning, he’d had no idea that his world would be turned upside down a mere few hours later.

Having finally scraped together enough money for commissions in the navy, he and Liam had worked tirelessly through the ranks. And now, here they were, on their first assignment as captain and lieutenant respectively. They had put into port to replenish supplies and had discovered that the princess of the realm was having a ball to celebrate her twenty first birthday. Naturally, Liam had taken the opportunity to attend the palace and offer a token of respect in the name of their King. Diplomacy was always one of his strong points and he knew it might pave the way for any alliances in the future should their own realm ever need it.

The princess had been with her parents when he’d been granted an audience that morning and presented the gift of fine perfume blended from sweetly fragrant flowers found only in their realm. She’d been so delighted with it, that she had invited him and his officers to her ball that evening.

Unfortunately, his news hadn’t been met with much enthusiasm from his brother. Killian had protested at what he saw as wasting time with ‘frivolities’ when they should be continuing with their mission.

With Liam being stubborn in his decision, however, he’d pulled rank and Killian had been forced to concede. Unhappy with his lot, he’d requested some time ashore through gritted teeth and had stalked off the moment his brother had nodded his assent.

The town had been a surprisingly bustling place, certainly larger than he’d expected. There was many a pedlar selling their wares, but there had been one in particular, set a little apart from the others, that had really caught his eye.

Flowers had adorned the seller’s stall, those clearly being the main source of income, and to the side there was a small table upon which sat a neatly laid out selection of books.

Eagerly, he’d walked over, only to feel a dart of disappointment when he’d seen that they’d made up a makeshift library of sorts. With a long voyage ahead of him, he’d hoped that he could have purchased a book to keep him entertained during the rare times he was off duty.

Still, as he’d perused the titles, he’d found himself drawn to one with a piratical theme in spite of himself.

“Do you want to borrow that?”

He’d looked up at the softly spoken question and felt his heart miss a beat at the vision before him. Simply dressed though she was, the young woman’s beauty was beyond compare. Long golden hair, softly curving lips, high cheekbones and green eyes that, he’d belatedly realised, gazed expectantly back at him as she’d waited for a reply.

“Uh...no...thank you,” he’d stuttered awkwardly and shut the book with a snap before placing it back on the table.

“Are you sure?” she’d pressed in faint amusement. “You’ve been reading it for the past ten minutes. Surely you must want to know how it ends?”

“Aye, Milady, I do,” he’d admitted with a rueful smile - and a fair blush if the heat he’d felt in his cheeks was anything to go by. “But I’m sailing on the early tide in the morning and our voyage is a long one. Much longer than the time you’d allow for me to borrow that book, I’d wager.”

“Oh, what a pity,” she’d stated, moving a couple of steps closer to him, a faint frown marring her features.

“That I won’t know how it ends – or that I’m sailing tomorrow?” he’d countered without thinking.

She’d raised a brow at his bluntness and he’d almost taken the words back in a stuttering apology. He’d never been so forward with a lady before - but it seemed that he hadn’t offended as he’d feared because she’d suddenly let out a delighted laugh.

“I think before I answer that, I should at least know your name.”

He’d given it gladly and now, as he stood in the ballroom, thinking back over the rest of the afternoon, the realisation that she’d never actually revealed her own was more frustrating than ever.

Frowning a little, he refused a glass of wine that a passing servant paused to offer and glanced around the crowded hall, searching out the woman he was dearly hoping to see again. It’d only been when he’d spoken of his encounter to Liam that it’d hit him how skillfully she’d managed to avoid answering anything remotely personal about herself.

“Sensible woman,” his brother had teased with a chuckle.

Now, as Killian scanned the faces of the ever growing throng of people, he couldn’t help wonder if maybe Liam was right. Increasingly it was becoming clear that, enchanted though he had been of her, her failure to appear meant that she obviously hadn’t been quite so enamoured of him.

Her lack of revealing anything about herself should have been a clue, he realised grimly.

And yet...it was she that had made a point of asking what he was doing that evening.

He knew he hadn’t imagined her look of disappointment, fleeting though it was, when he’d admitted that he had a prior engagement at the ball.

“Personally I think it a waste of time,” he’d told her, even more annoyed than before that duty dictated he attend when he’d rather have tried to arrange to meet with her again.

“The ball or the princess?” she’d queried wryly, a gleam of sudden amusement dancing in her eyes as she’d echoed his earlier retort.

He should have asked for her name then. Instead, he’d muttered an aggrieved, “Both. I do not like to dance and have no desire in pandering to a lady I have not even met, royalty and diplomacy be hanged!”

A silence had met his outburst but when he’d looked back up at her, much to his chagrin, she’d been openly grinning at him. Consternation had turned to delight though, when she’d revealed that the entire town had been invited too.

“So you’ll be there tonight?” he’d clarified, the evening taking on a more appealing light,

“Only if you promise to dance with me,” she’d replied, that mischievous glint back in her eyes.

Despite his assertion of not liking it only moments earlier, he’d agreed at once, fairly certain that he could have been persuaded to do just about anything as far as the lady in front of him was concerned.

And yet here he was and she...she was nowhere to be seen.

The noisy chatter of the crowd suddenly faded to silence around him and Killian’s stomach fell as he realised what that meant.

The princess had arrived.

His brother shifted at his side and he gave him a cursory glance. A small smile conveyed Liam’s commiseration and Killian looked away. The disappointment was acute. So much so that he barely even registered the lofty announcement of, “Princess Emma of Misthaven,” that rang out around the ballroom.

Head bowed, he inwardly cursed his own idiocy for having believed that they’d shared some kind of instant connection. A mutual flare of feeling that couldn’t be denied. What the hell had he been thinking? This wasn’t some fairytale, this was real life. His life. That simple fact alone should have been enough to remind him that it was never going to end in his favour.

He was so caught up in his own personal torment that it took him a few seconds to register the sharp, urgent nudge to his side where Liam had elbowed him none too lightly.

“Killian,” he growled out the corner of his mouth in low warning.

His head snapped up and he shot his brother a glare.

“What the…,” he began angrily.

“May I have this dance, Lieutenant?” cut in a warm female voice suddenly.

Abruptly, all his anger evaporated as he swallowed hard and turned his head to behold the vision in front of him. Heart pounding, his mouth fell open in surprise.

It was her.

And she was a princess?

He blinked.

Liam cleared his throat...loudly.

Emma’s hopeful smile began to waver…

Finally gathering his wits, he quickly stepped forward and gave a courteous bow then took her proffered hand. A hand that he’d kissed so fervently not four hours ago when he’d taken his leave of her to go back to the ship. His lips began to tingle just at the thought of it and he’d known by the flush on her face that she’d been just as affected by the normally perfunctory gesture as he.

“It would be my honour, Your Royal Highness,” he accepted formally.

As he escorted her out into the middle of the room, the other guests moved out of their way, allowing them space. Killian didn’t even notice. His entire focus was on the beauty that he held in his arms. In her stunning red ballgown and with her long, blonde hair swept up into a smooth chignon, she simply took his breath away.  

The first strains of violins filled the air and they began to move.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you who I was this afternoon,” she apologised softly after they’d danced in silence for far longer than she’d liked. After his initial surprise, he’d schooled his features into a polite deference as was the norm when it came to her rank and she had no clue as to whether he was angry, happy or simply uncaring about her deception. She needed to know. “It was nice just being me for a short while and you were so easy to talk to, Killian. Easier than it’s ever been with anyone else and I thought that you...that we…,” she broke off and shrugged helplessly before adding, “I didn’t want that to change just because of a title.” She stared at him, trying to find a flicker of some emotion that would tell her either way a little of what he was feeling. “Has it?” she asked barely above a whisper.

Seeing the uncertainty that lurked in her eyes as she looked up at him, he frowned slightly. It dawned on him then that she’d misconstrued his dazed silence as some kind of detriment to herself. In truth, he’d been finding hard to find the words to convey how he was feeling. She was here, with him, that was all that mattered. And crazy though it was, because they barely knew each other, from what he’d gleaned from her hesitant words, she must have felt that same connection from the very first as he had.

He pulled her a little closer, not enough to be disrespectful to her position but enough that she knew that nothing had changed.

“How can I possibly in good conscience condemn you for not telling the whole truth when I am guilty of the exact same thing myself?” he told her in a wry tone.

“You?” she queried, her eyes widening a little in surprise.

“Aye, me,” he confirmed with a nod. “You may remember that I told you that I didn’t like to dance,” he continued, mirth threading his low tone as he suddenly grinned down at her, “Well, I find that dancing with you makes a complete liar out of me.”

Emma stared at him a moment then let out a delighted laugh.

“So this evening hasn’t been as much of a chore as you thought it was going to be then?”

“Not even remotely,” he assured her as the music, and their dance, came to an end.

“Will you save me a second dance, Lieutenant?” she asked as he straightened from the customary bow that finalised all dances.

“Aye, Your Highness,” he replied with a nod. “Gladly.”

As it turned out, Killian ‘saved’ her a further four dances in total and when the night came to an end, Emma asked him to accompany her to the library before he left.

“I have something for you,” she told him, running her finger along the spines of a row of books, searching out a particular volume. “Here!” Turning to him with a triumphant grin, she held out a small, familiar looking novel to him. “I thought you might want to finish it.”

Killian reached for the book, his heart skipping a beat as his fingers brushed lightly against hers. Glancing at the title, he saw that it was the one he’d been reading that afternoon. Touched at her thoughtfulness, he looked up at her with a soft smile and took an involuntary step closer to where she stood.

“Thank you, Your Highness, I shall treasure it always.”

“Emma,” she corrected him, also moving closer, “You can call me, Emma, and it wasn’t a gift, Killian, I expect you to return it to me after your voyage.” Another step brought her almost toe to toe with him and she reached out to clasp his free hand before adding a little breathlessly, “In person.”

This time his heart started to race. There was no mistaking what she was telling him and even if he were unsure, just one look into her eyes told him more than any words ever could exactly how she felt.

“Are you...sure that you’re willing to wait that long?” he asked huskily.

“I am. I will,” she promised then leaned toward him, face upturned, mouth slightly parted in mute invitation.

Without hesitation, he bent to place his lips on hers. Gently at first, their kiss soon deepened, the book falling from his hand as he drew her into his arms pulling her flush against him. They were both breathing heavily by the time they parted, the strength of their passion evident in the flush of their cheeks and the way they swayed together, foreheads touching.

Killian forced himself to let her go and take a step back. He had to leave, though it pained him to do so. How could it be that he’d fallen in love with this woman so quickly? Because he knew without a shadow of a doubt, that he had.

Irrevocably.

Completely.

“I have to go,” he told her regretfully before stooping to pick up the book.

She nodded, tears shimmering in her eyes.

“Stay safe, Killian.”

Unable to go without one last kiss, he grasped her hand and tugged her towards him gently.  It was lingering and sweet and when he pulled back he assured her intently, “I will come back to you, Emma, and not just because of this book.”

He turned and left then. One more moment in her presence and he was afraid that he wouldn’t have it in him to leave at all.

Liam was waiting for him at the palace gates and together they took a carriage to the docks. They rode in silence, although Killian felt his brother’s curious gaze upon him more than once, but it wasn’t until they were back aboard ship that he finally asked him about Emma.

“Do you love her?” Liam queried once he’d finished speaking.

“Aye, I do,” Killian answered with a certainty that made his brother smile.

“Let us make sure that you return that book in a timely fashion then,” Liam stated with purpose.

Eight months later, Killian exited the private chambers of the King and Queen of Misthaven with the treasured book in one hand, his other resting lightly upon the hilt of his sword. Dressed entirely in black, he was no longer a part of the navy to which he’d once so longed to belong. 

Their mission had been a spectacular failure, one that had nearly cost Liam his life. Thankfully, Killian had realised that the magical plant they were supposed to bring home to their King was, in fact, deadly. One of their crew members had accidentally cut themselves on it only moments before Liam had reached out to grab some himself.

As he saw the black toxin spreading rapidly through the man’s veins, he’d ran and knocked Liam down before the same thing could happen to him. It had been a near miss and when the brothers had spoken of it afterwards, they’d both agreed that they could not continue to be loyal to a man that would use such an evil poison against his enemies.

That very day they’d commandeered the ‘Jewel of the Realm’, spoken to their crew and had tossed aside their uniforms forever. Any man that didn’t wish to join them were put ashore at the next port and then they’d began the journey back to Misthaven.

Once there, they’d immediately sent word to the castle, requesting an urgent audience with the King and Queen. Free agents now that they were, they’d offered to serve as privateers to the realm and pledge allegiance to Misthaven.

The royals had agreed and asked them to return the next day to sign appropriate papers. The brothers had bowed reverently, then Queen Snow had addressed Killian directly.

“I suspect there is also another reason for your visit today, Mr Jones,” she remarked, gazing pointedly at the book he held and then back to his lightly reddening face.

“Aye, Your Majesty,” he confessed, plucking self consciously at his shirt and standing up a little straighter.  “I would like permission to speak with your daughter. She kindly leant me her book and asked that I return it. Personally.”

“Emma has spoken of it to me frequently over the past few months,” she revealed in wry amusement. “I believe she is quite desperate to see her book again and know that it is safe, so you’d better make haste to the gardens. She was heading towards the blue arbor near the great oak when I saw her last.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” he replied, bowing low again before shooting a triumphant grin at Liam then turning and almost running out of the room.

She hadn’t forgotten him...

The sun burned bright in the sky as he hurried out into the gardens. He saw a tall oak tree in the distance and headed purposefully in its direction. As he got closer, he could see Emma sitting with her back to him, a soft breeze gently lifting the tendrils of her golden locks as she stared out across the rolling hills that lay beyond the palace walls. Grass underfoot deadened the sound of his footsteps and he was able to approach unannounced. A few feet from the arbor he stopped and simply stared at her for a moment, drinking in the sight of the woman that was so dear to his heart.

“I’ve brought your book back, Your Highness,” he finally said, unable to conceal the slight unsteadiness of his voice.

He saw her stiffen then she turned and stood up abruptly, staring at him with such hope and such dawning joy. Such...love.

“Emma,” she reminded him softly, a solitary tear tracking slowly down her cheek, “You can call me, Emma.”

“Emma,” he murmured huskily and then she was in his arms.

He didn’t know who had moved first, he didn’t care. They hugged each other tightly, then shared kiss after kiss after kiss, whispering words of love and promises of a future together.

They were married two months later and the Best Man was pleased to note that during the ceremony, his little brother didn’t fidget once.

Send me a number from my blog!!

[shipmistress9]

FTLOAP: Chapter 28: You Only Show Half To Me

Title: For The Love Of A Princess

Fandom: HTTYD

Theme: Hiccstrid - Medieval-style AU - Romance - Angst/Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Reduced to little more than a stable boy, Hiccup, despite his noble birth, has few prospects for more in life. But when he meets a girl who came to look at the horses, being a stable boy might not be enough anymore. Together, they have tough choices to make and great risks to navigate if they want to survive and be together.

Rating: Explicit

FF-net  -  AO3 -

Discord-server for discussions and questions

Prologue; Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8; Chapter 9; Chapter 10; Chapter 11; Chapter 12; Chapter 13; Chapter 14; Interlude 1; Chapter 15; Chapter 16; Chapter 17; Chapter 18; Chapter 19; Chapter 20; Chapter 21; Chapter 22; Chapter 23; Chapter 24; Chapter 25; Chapter 26; Interlude 2; Chapter 27

Alpha/Co-author: @athingofvikings

. – * – _ . o O o . _ – * – .

AN: So, everyone recovered from the previous chapter? Great. A fair warning, this chapter won't be quite as exciting, I fear. But then, not everyone can be such a highlight? There need to be calmer transition chapters too? Still, I feel like this is a bit boring. Ah, well, I can't help it ._.

This week's title is from the Song "Half Life" by BANNERS. It refers to how, no matter how close friends our chaos squad has become, they all have secrets. Truth be told, I didn't really know what to pick as the title for this chapter. But when I heard this song of my playlist, this seems oddly fitting. It makes me sad that they can't be completely honest and open with each other. But then... That's life?

Another thing: Special thanks again to @poppysfanworld for the wonderful picture she drew for this story! Thank you so, so much! :D

. o O o .

When Astrid woke a few hours later, it was – once again – to Daniel calling her and shaking her shoulder.

“Hey, sleepy head,” came his annoyingly cheerful voice, cutting into her drowsy mind. ”I know why Dagur and Eret slept longer today, but even they're awake by now. What’s your excuse for sleeping this long?”

Astrid grumbled and tried to pull her blanket over her head, but Daniel prevented that. Laughing, he wrestled her for the blanket, and soon Astrid was laughing too. She couldn’t really stay grumpy, not today. Not after this night.

“Morning, Swanja,” he greeted her when she was finally fully awake, both siblings grinning. “Sorry for interrupting your beauty sleep. But it’s my last free day before I return to Westhill, and I thought I spend it with my little baby sister instead of her slumbering away the entire day. What do you say? Any ideas what we could do?”

Astrid’s mood fell a little at his words. Right… Daniel would soon be back at the front, and during the Midwinter festivities of the following two days, they wouldn’t have any free time to speak of. Only the night of the second day was free of any official events, but if Astrid remembered correctly, Daniel and the others had scheduled their long-planned visit to the tavern for that day, and she couldn’t very well accompany them there.

With a half-amused and half-annoyed snort, she let herself drop back into her cushion. Not to go back to sleep, but just because it was more comfortable than sitting halfway propped up on her elbows on the soft mattress. “Baby sister?” she asked in affected indignation. “I’m turning eighteen in two months! Don’t you think you could leave off the ‘baby’ by now?” Not to mention that, after spending the night with Hiccup, she felt more grown-up and mature than ever. A pleasant shiver ran down her spine at the memory. Surely, the term ‘baby’ didn’t suit her any longer.

But Daniel just gave her a wistful half-smile. “You’ll always be my cute little baby sister, no matter whether your hair is decorated by a coronet or dry leaves.”

“That only happened once,” Astrid snorted, and rolled her eyes as she swung her legs out of the bed. “And it’s been what… eleven years ago now? Besides, may I remind you that it was you who encouraged me to hide in that massive pile of leaves? Seriously, you have no right to put any blame on me for the tantrum my governess threw afterwards.”

“I never said it was your fault,” Daniel defended himself, arms raised, before they shared another grin at the memory. “But my question still stands. What would you like to do today? The choice is totally up to you.”

Astrid walked over to the bedroom door to give Ruff, who undoubtedly stood outside, the sign to come in. “I assume that was meant as a rhetorical question?” she deadpanned. What did he think where she would want to go?

“Well, I wanted to give you the choice anyway,” he said, shrugging, and averted his gaze. “I wouldn’t want to persuade you to agree to anything just because I suggested it.”

Sighing, she threw him a fond smile. “That’s cute. But I think we both agree on where we want to spend a free day.” She paused for a moment, biting her lip as she pondered, but then added, “Besides, I have a second reason to want to go to the stables, other then just going to the stables. I lost my necklace, it’s probably there... somewhere... Maybe we’ll be lucky and can find it?”

“Your necklace? Sure. That’s definitely a good enough reason to go there, in case we needed one.” He winked, and stood up from her bed’s edge as Ruff came in with a curious expression. “I’ll go and tell Eret and Dagur. And get a picnic basket packed for us?”

“That sounds perfect,” Astrid agreed.

Both she and Ruff followed Daniel with their eyes as he left, then her maidservant commented, “I assume that means you’ll wear another one of your sturdier dresses today? Frigga, I’m so glad I just got a few of them back from the laundry.”

Astrid chuckled slightly, knowing Ruff had a point. Her wardrobe really wasn’t cut for prolonged weeks of this life of freedom. Not long after, Ruff returned with one of Astrid’s recent favourites; a woollen dress in deep forest green with a few golden highlights that came with an incredibly sturdy and warm cloak in moss green and brown.

While Ruff got her dressed, Astrid allowed her mind to drift away for a bit. The hours she’d spent with Hiccup last night had been spectacular. Never in her life had she imagined something could feel so good, so liberating, like those lightnings bursting through her, like an explosion. She longed to feel it again. And she would, she knew, maybe even tonight. But even more powerful in a way had been the rest, being so close to Hiccup without even the slightest barrier between them. As if that physical closeness had brought forth a deeper mental closeness as well. And just lying with him, sleeping arm in arm… despite it only lasting for a couple of hours, it felt like that had been the best and most restful sleep she’d ever had.

In addition, staying that long at the stables hadn’t been a problem either. She’d been back at the castle just in time to join a group of servants coming over from the city for their daily work, and luckily, Ruff hadn’t noticed her absence either. There’d even been enough time to sleep for a bit longer before anyone checked on her. Now, there really was no reason for her not to meet Hiccup as often as she liked, when even getting enough sleep wasn’t an issue anymore.

Now, all she could hope was that their newfound closeness wouldn’t show in their normal interactions.

. o O o .

With a low grunt, Hiccup sat back on his haunches, and hopelessly looked around his stall. Usually, it didn't seem to be that big, but when one was almost literally looking for the needle in a haystack…

After Astrid had left, he’d fed the horses with an entirely new flourish, feeling so light as if nothing could ever darken his mood again. All his fears and worries had evaporated, all his hopes fulfilled. So long as they kept a bare minimum of clothes on, there was nothing holding him back during those nights she came to him anymore, not any rules, no fears of going too far, and no worries about scaring Astrid off either. He just might need to be a little more careful, as he was suddenly going through his stack of clothes at a much quicker rate.

But Freya, the way she’d responded to his touch, so pure, so eager and curious. Hiccup thought that he could have continued forever to explore her body – to help her explore her body. Watching the wonder in her eyes had been almost better than everything else. Almost.

Because the best had been… just holding her, sleeping with her in his arm, waking up next to her. Exploring how the sexual part of their relationship would be had been fantastic, just as he'd hoped. But never in his life had he imagined how wonderful something simple as her warm and sleepy weight on his chest could feel. He couldn't wait for when that would be normal.

But that was still years away...

Sighing, Hiccup focused back on the present, and, not for the first time since Astrid had left, ran his fingers through his hair as let his eyes wander over his makeshift bed. So far, there’d been no sign of her key. Sure, he’d only looked for little over an hour after caring for the horses, but his knees already hurt from crawling around and now, his left leg started to twinge a little.  

But it wasn’t like he had anything else to do anyway. There was no combat training today, so he didn’t need to be at the garrison or the archery range in time, and he didn’t know of any other plans that might include him either. No, all he had to do today was give the horses some exercises, Chomp especially, and try not to get distracted all the time by thinking about Astrid too much.

Like the warmth and lightness that radiated from the bond in his chest. Or the way just remembering her laughter made his heart swell. Or how much he wished he could simply run his fingers through her hair, just once… He wanted to play with it, to disentangle the silken strands, and see how she liked it. He couldn’t even say what it was about her hair that drew him in. Maybe it was simply the fact that he couldn’t, since even dishevelling it here at night would be too dangerous. Getting those endless silken waves back in order would take forever. But that didn’t change the fact that her hair held an almost irresistible allure to him. Sighing, he pushed that thought away. One day, he reminded himself. But until then, brushing away loose strands every now and then was all he could do.

Lost in his daydreams and in the studious activity of rifling through the straw, the sound of the front door opening caught him completely by surprise. He barely had time to scramble up on his feet before the cheerful voices of his friends reached him.

Eret was the first to call out. “Ho, Hiccup? Are you here?”

“Yeah, over here,” Hiccup called back, and poked his head out of his stall, smiling as Dagur and Daniel entered the stables behind Eret. The prospect of spending some time in friendly company was good. But as welcome as the sight of his friends was, there was nothing that quite matched the moment Astrid came into his view as well.

Only a few hours had passed since he’d last seen her, but that didn’t keep his heart from making a joyful leap at her sight. He actively had to suppress the urge to walk over to her, to cradle her face in his hands, and to kiss those soft lips that were twitching into a bright smile right now. Fighting to not show his emotions too obviously, he quickly turned his attention away from her.

“Good morning, Milords, Milady,” he greeted them all at once, and bowed in his usual playfully exaggerated manner. It might have started as a way to tease Eret, but by now it had become almost second nature to him. It felt right... in a weirdly wrong kind of way.

“Morning,” Daniel replied. There was something like a smile around his mouth, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He looked tired, exhausted even, and Hiccup wondered idly what it had been that had occupied him last night, what the note he’d received had been about. It seemed to have been important, judging by how little sleep Daniel apparently had gotten.

“Morning, Hiccup,” Eret greeted him too, and placed a basket on one of the straw bales. It was a familiar sight by now, and meant they intended to spend the whole day here, or at least long enough to justify eating here. It was also a very welcome sight as it meant good food and even better company today. Although...

Involuntarily, Hiccup’s eyes flickered in Astrid’s direction for a scant second. Lately, there hadn’t been a problem with behaving normally around her, not with the prospect of eventually being unobserved and free to interact with her again. But last night, something new had formed between them, and Hiccup wasn’t sure whether he’d be able to interact with her directly without showing just how much he felt for her, whether he’d be able to contain what he felt. The chance of slipping up and for their friends to suspect something was pretty high.

And Eret’s next words didn’t exactly help to soothe those concerns either. “What were you doing back there?” he asked, and nodded at Hiccup’s sleeping stall.

Hiccup bit his lips. ‘I was looking for Astrid’s necklace after I must have ripped it off during heavily making out with her last night’ probably wasn’t the most sensible way to answer. “I…” he began, and swallowed as his eyes wandered from one mildly curious face to the other. The faint blush on Astrid’s cheek didn’t help his concentration either. “I was taking a nap?” Damn, why had that come that out like a question? “It was a long night, after all, and I was still tired after…” he trailed off, shrugging, and hoped to appear nonchalant.

“Understandable,” Daniel answered with a grin. “From what I’ve heard, you had a good time at Freya’s Temple? This Cami must be a rather spirited woman. Dagur even mentioned some broken furniture?”

“Ahm… Not last night, no,” Hiccup hastily rectified. Again, his gaze flickered to Astrid, wondering what she would be able to make of such a comment. But there was nothing but curiosity in her soft eyes, and it helped to somewhat settle his nerves again. “But yes. Last night had been… It had been fantastic,” he added with a wide grin. Daniel and the others didn’t need to know that he wasn’t talking about Cami, after all. However, the words reminded him of the supposedly broken figurine that was still hidden in his cloak. Last night, he hadn’t gotten the chance to give it to Astrid, and now he wondered when there would be a good moment.

“No argument there,” Dagur chimed in, a slightly dazed look on his face. “Who would have thought that a human body could be so flexible.”

Eret choked on a bit of sweet bread he’d just swiped from the food basket, but managed to hide it as laughter as Dagur cackled at his own comment. Oh, that might be a bit of information Hiccup would keep in mind for teasing Eret every now and then.

He and Daniel chimed in on the laughter, but the Prince quickly sobered up when a strange coughing sound interrupted the general amusement. All eyes wandered to Astrid standing to the side and watching them. Her face was red, and Hiccup could read her all too well. She was fighting back her own laughter. But apparently, Daniel interpreted her flushed face differently.

“Erm, right,” he muttered, and sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. “Probably not the best topic. Sorry, Swanja.” He gave her an apologetic smile – which she returned with a simple nod – before he turned back to Hiccup. “Anyway, I suggest you go back to the Temple some day when it’s still bright outside. The architecture of that place is amazing! Have you seen…”

He digressed into a monologue about the structures Hiccup had already admired last night, and Hiccup would have been content to listen a while longer, making mental notes of all the small peculiarities he was to look out for. But as Daniel threatened to drift off into a detailed description of a secret statue hidden between a few roofs and only visible from a few selected windows, Hiccup caught the desperately pleading look Eret threw him, and intervened.

“I’m not sure I can keep all these information in my head,” he said, and held up his hands to make Daniel pause. “But maybe you can make a list of the most important points? Or even better, show me tomorrow when we’re there for the grand blot?”

Daniel blinked, apparently realising that he’d once more gotten carried away. “Right… I think such a list even already exists. I’ll see if I can find it, because I fear I won’t have the time to show you tomorrow.” He sighed, and Hiccup nodded, understanding. The grand blot tomorrow was, of course, an official and public event. Not the right time for the Crown Prince to make a private tour for a stable boy.

“Anyway,” Daniel went on, noticeably more cheerful and obviously intent on bringing up a new, brighter topic. “You haven’t by any chance found a necklace somewhere?”

For a second, Hiccup’s heart dropped into his stomach. How could Daniel know about… Hiccup physically fought against glancing at Astrid, but what little he got from the corner of his eye, she seemed relatively relaxed.

“A n-necklace?” he asked, deciding that playing dumb might be the best way. He wasn’t supposed to know about any necklace, right? “What kind of necklace?��

“It’s–” Daniel began, but at that moment Astrid stepped forward and interrupted her brother.

“It’s just a simple necklace,” she explained, acting timidly. “A plain golden chain with a small key as charm. I must have lost it here yesterday.”

Hiccup was about to answer, scrambling up every bit of acting skill he could muster to interact normally with her, when Eret beat him to it.

“You lost your necklace?” he asked, brows furrowed in confusion. “Here? Are you sure?”

Astrid turned towards him, shrugged, and nodded. “Yes, I think so. I mean, I only noticed when I was back in my rooms, but where else could I have lost it? Sure,  it also could have fallen off on the way back to the castle, but I can’t imagine why or how. No, I think it’s here somewhere.”

Eret’s forehead was still wrinkled, but he nodded. “I see,” he murmured, then turned to address Hiccup as well. “So, did you find anything?”

Hiccup shook his head, internally sighing in relief. Talking to Eret was way easier. “No, I haven’t found anything,” he announced as sober as he could.

“All right, let’s have a look then?” Daniel suggested. “Where were you yesterday? Do you remember? You certainly were here in the main corridor. And in Markor’s stall too, if I remember correctly.”

Astrid nodded, a little hesitantly. “And in the tack room.”

“All right, then let’s see if we can find it.”

. o O o .

With a heavy sigh, Astrid wiped a loose strand of hair out of her eyes, and silently cursed herself. She hadn’t been thinking when she mentioned the key, had she? What did it matter whether she got it back now or in a couple of days? Sooner or later, either she or Hiccup would have found it anyway. But no, she just had to mention it, hadn’t she? Daniel had been right; it wasn’t as if they needed a special reason to spend a day here…

And she really ought to have known better. She should have known that her brothers would do anything to help her get her necklace back. Even if it meant for five people to crawl around in the straw for hours. Or that was what it felt like at least, even though it probably was barely more than one hour so far.

“I fear this is hopeless,” she sighed, frustrated. She knew they wouldn’t find her necklace after all, not with where they were looking. At some point, Eret had brought up that, with Hiccup having already fed the horses, it could actually be in one of the other horses’ stalls too, so they’d extended the search places accordingly.

“No need to give up just yet,” Daniel called over from where he tied Trample to a hook in the corridor to have space to search his stallion’s stall in peace. “There’s still a few places we can look, and when we can’t find it, we’ll simply dig a little deeper. It’s got to be somewhere, right?”

Except that we’re not looking where it actually has to be, Astrid thought, resigned. This was not how she had thought this day would proceed. Truth be told, she’d hoped Hiccup had found the key by now, that he would offhandedly comment he’d seen it lying around and hand it back to her. But this… It was Daniel’s last day off, and she didn’t want him to waste it on this fruitless search.

Deciding to try and redirect today’s path, she slumped down on a nearby straw bale, and shook her head. “I don’t know. It could be anywhere. Maybe I lost it on the way back to the castle after all, or it’s somewhere hidden in yesterday’s dress.” She shrugged. “It’s okay, maybe it’ll show up again, and if not…” She trailed off, feigning indifference.

Daniel looked crestfallen, but didn’t contradict her. “You’re probably right. I’m sorry. I’d hoped I could at least…” Sighing, he shook his head.

“I’m sorry too, little sis,” Dagur said, and placed a comforting arm around her shoulder as he sat down beside her. “But how about we all go to the city and get you a new necklace? How does that sound?” He sounded cheerful as ever.

Astrid, unable to resist his good mood, smiled, but shook her head. “That’s a kind idea, really. But I have enough jewellery.”

“And that’s not the point anyway,” Eret threw in. Shrugging at Dagur’s puzzled expression, he explained, “It’s the charm that matters, right Swanja? It’s the key to the coffer your father got for her some years ago, and what’s valuable is what’s inside that coffer.”

“It is,” Astrid agreed, but tried to play it down in order to make them drop the topic. “But it’s not that bad. It’s mostly full of keepsakes, you know, swan feathers and arrowheads and the like. Personal things, but nothing of real value.” She chuckled, feinting embarrassment. “I’m sure the key will turn up eventually.”

Dagur nodded. “And if not, we can always break it open, I guess. So how about we go and get you a new coffer right away? I saw a shop in town, and I’m sure they’d love to have their work used by the Princess.”

“You just want to get another box of cookies,” Eret commented, laughing as he leaned against the wall of Trample’s stall.

“Well, that wasn’t my main intention. But now that you brought it up…” he shared a grin with Eret, and Astrid could swear she heard Hiccup chuckle from where he was half-heartedly searching through another stack of hay a few steps away.

“Cookies don’t sound so bad,” she said, not quite getting the joke but too occupied with preventing unnecessary damage anyway. “But I don’t think we need to get a new coffer just yet. As I said, maybe the key will show up somewhere after all. Maybe we should keep breaking it open as a last option if everything else fails?”

“Indeed,” Daniel agreed, sounding surprisingly cheerful all of a sudden as he poked his head out of the stall he’d been searching. Astrid looked up to find him with a bright grin on his face. “Before we resort to brute force, there might be another option we ought to consider first.” He paused, making sure everyone was listening, and if possible, his grin grew even wider. “We could try to meddle with the lock itself first. I mean, I think our skills at lockpicking aren’t that good, but maybe it could also be disassembled? Now, if only we knew someone whose versed in mechanics and the like.”

There was a moment of silence before everyone turned to look at Hiccup. So far, he hadn’t really participated in the discussion, and Astrid understood all to well why that was. With the memories of the previous night still glowing so brightly in her mind, it was hard to keep her usual calm facade around Hiccup. And she guessed he didn’t feel much better.

Although, right now he looked just as surprised by Daniel’s suggestion as Astrid felt. His eyes wandered from Daniel to Astrid, over Eret and Dagur, and then back to Daniel again before he found his voice again. “I… I think I could… give it a try?” he mumbled, more asking than anything else. His eyes searched hers once more, openly asking her opinion for once, and it felt strange in a way.

“Would that be okay for you, Astrid?” Daniel asked, a trace of concern now in his voice. “If we go back to your rooms right away, I can stay with you the whole time if that makes you feel better.”

Astrid was hard pressed not to laugh out loud, but managed in the last moment to keep quiet, even as her head was suddenly spinning with all kinds of thoughts. If she agreed, Hiccup would be in her rooms. It was a dream and a nightmare at the same time; him appearing in the middle of the night to surprise her when she slept, his arms winding around her, their lips meeting, never letting go again. And always the fear someone might spot him. But of course, this would be different. Hiccup would be there on official invitation, not just on hers but on Daniel’s too. Daniel would be there to observe that nothing inappropriate happened, so there was no risk of getting caught.

But on the other hand, Daniel would be there. If Hiccup was successful in opening the lock, then she somehow had to make sure that Daniel wouldn’t even take a fleeting look inside. Could she manage that?

Maybe it would be better to not let Hiccup try… The key had to be somewhere in his stall, after all. She could wait another day or two. Yeah, that was probably the best option.

Astrid was about to decline the suggestion – but when she wanted to say so, she couldn’t. How was she supposed to explain her decision? By implying that she didn’t want Hiccup in her rooms? Or didn’t want him to see what was inside by any chance? She wanted to seem indifferent to Hiccup, not averse.

All these thoughts crossed her mind in the span of only a few seconds, but in the end, all she could do was nod. “That… would be okay,” she muttered, unable to come up with a more reasonable response. At least she had a little more time to think of a way how to keep Daniel away from the coffer now.

“Good,” her brother exclaimed cheerfully. “Let’s go right away then.”

. o O o .

So... yep... sorry that this chapter not as exciting. :

But there's one other bit I wanted to talk about... There's the key... I thought about what to say, if I should say anything or keep the mystery just for fun. But then I thought there already are enough secrets, so I could just as well clear this up right away. They lost key serves a purpose in the end. But it's only a small piece of a bigger picture, and it's not to reveal their relationship or even blackmail them.

Next chapter

[marshmallowatheart]

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before (Part 36)

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (17) (18) (19) (20) (21) (22) (23) (24) (25) (26) (27) (28) (29) (30) (31) (32) (33) (34) (35)

Dear Veronica,

I wish you would talk to me. You have to know that I'm on your side, please believe me when I say all I want to do is protect you.

Lilly's my friend. I know how she can be but honestly she's not as strong as she seems.

If she did do this to you, Veronica, I promise, I won't let it slide.

Please just talk to me.

- L

He sees her by her locker, she stuffs his note into her bag without reading it and he hates this feeling that's coming over him - this dread building up inside him ever since she walked away from him yesterday.

He wants to make them okay again. He wants to hold her and never let go. He wants her to know how much he loves her.

She's focused on her task at hand, pulling books out of her locker that she doesn't notice him or doesn't want to notice him. He's standing from afar and desperately wishes she'd just look at him.

She doesn't.

He's walking towards her because he can't leave them be. He knows she's going to dart away but he needs to try. As he walks, he sees John Enbom roll beside her, smirking and slut sneezing as he passes by her. The crowd around her giggles and he hears someone comment about how it's always the quite ones.

His jaw clenches, his fist flex open and close at his side as he moves forward and then he has John Enbom by his throat, pushed up against the locker. "You," he's got a firm grip on his collar, eyes staring deadly into his so-called friends. "Say you're sorry."

"Dude, what's the problem? I thought you were done with her," Enbom says, trying to get out of Logan's clutches. "She's a skank," he says, bewildered at his friend's reaction.

Logan pushes against him with even more force, intense eyes, threatening, daring. "If you've got a problem with Veronica, you’re pretty much dead to me."

He lets go of Enbom, turning to the whole crowd; it's all 09ers. He knows how they can be but this was Veronica. How could they do this to her? "So just like evaporate or something. I don't care."

The boy squirms away, muttering his apology as he retreats and finally, Logan looks to Veronica and offers his hand, it feels like he needs it more than her.

She's staring up at him with utter surprise and he hates himself for making her feel like this is something he wouldn't do for her, like she doesn't mean this much to him. She means everything. He lets out a breath when she locks her palm with his and he gives it a firm squeeze as they move down the hall, away from the crowd.

--vm--

"Are you okay?" He asks once they're settled on the bleachers and she lightly nods her head. "I'm sorry all this happened. I should have been with you from the start then maybe they wouldn't have -"

She kisses him between his words, he's surprised because he doesn't deserve kisses after what he's let happened to her but he takes it. He takes all that she gives him even if he doesn't deserve it.

"It's not like I let them get to me," she brushes away. "Enbom's lucky you got there in time or he would have had to face my wrath."

His hand holds hers, he tries to smile at her words because he knows she's strong but he doesn't want her to have to be. "Has this been happening since yesterday?"

"Yeah," she admits quietly. "The sneezes. Second rate comments. Just regular gossip," she shrugs off. "Carmen's gotten the brunt of it. At least I didn't get people calling me at home. It'd be ballsy to call the sheriff's house and no one's got any here."

"I just don't get why Lilly would do this to you," he shakes his head.

"Logan," she lets out, tired, frustrated. She wishes she could tell him she doesn't want to hear him say Lilly's name ever again.

"I understand she's your friend," she says, voice calm, collected. She doesn't want to fight with him again; she'd gotten a headache and it's exhausting trying to avoid him when he's constantly trying to find her.

They've just made up; he's stood up for her in front of all his friends. A part of her wishes that message had also included Lilly, that Lilly was there to see it but it still meant a lot. She's never had anyone stick up for her like that.

"And you don't want to think the worst of her," she continues, closing her her eyes for a second as she stops herself from saying even though you've experienced the worst from her.

"But Lilly hates me," she tells him, eyes set on his. She wants to say, Lilly hates me because she loves you. She doesn't. She doesn't want Logan to have ideas of Lilly loving him again. She doesn't want Logan to chose between them; Lilly and him have history that's surpassed the test of time, they've chosen each other again and again - even over her. She doesn't want him to choose because there's a high possibility that he might not choose her.

"This isn't a fight between the three of us," she says because if it is all she can think is Veronica VS Lilly and Logan. "It's between Lilly and I."

He's shaking his head, tightening his hold on her hand and says, "If it is Lilly, there's no way I can forgive her for this."

She can't hide the surprise that comes over her when he says that. "What?"

"I've forgiven her for so much, Veronica. So much. But I can't forgive her for hurting you after I told her that I love you."

He stares at her will brown eyes full of love and dedication. His hands hold hers with warm affection and she's at a loss of what to say.

Her heart beats a little faster, her eyes stare into his with unreserved love and gratitude. He's choosing her. He's choosing her.

She's so in love with this boy in front of her that she doesn't know what to do with it. She's filled up with emotions she's only ever felt with him, for him - only now it's intensified to the point of no return.

She kisses him, hands cupping his face and trailing down to his collar. It lasts only a few seconds; she's so overwhelmed with her feelings that she knows she's going to want more than just a make out session if they don't stop.

His forehead rests on hers, hands hugging her shoulders and she breaths into his shirt. She's missed the smell of sea salt and sandalwood.

--vm--

It doesn't take her long to figure it out - not with the help of her new friend Cindy Mackenzie; computer whiz and overall cool kid.

It's been a while since she's been this active in an investigation; following leads, doing stakeouts and snapping incriminating photos of scenes she'd rather not see.

Things come into perspective rather easily when she finds one key piece. So she follows the frog to the pond and finds all of her answers with camera in hand. She doesn't know if she feels disappointed or relieved when she realises she has to apologize to Logan that night.

Because what she finds is Kimmy smacking nasties with the IT guy. She doesn't know what she's done to offend the girl, she's never so much as had a conversation with her but she's damn well going to find out.

It's the next day that she finds out and realises that she doesn't owe Lilly Kane a damned thing.

Veronica's got a taped confession from Kimmy, it airs during the morning News update for the whole school to see.

"Please, it wasn't me," comes the voice and panicked face of Kimmy.

"Then who was it?" Veronica's tight and demanding voice breaks through.

"It was Lilly," the panicky girl admits. "Lilly posted the test for you. She hates you because you stole Logan from her. I only posted Carmen’s, I swear," Kimmy pleads for Veronica to believe her.

Unseen on screen, Veronica has photographic proof of Kimmy's sexual relations with the IT guy that's much older than her.

"Why would you do that?"

"She gets everything I want," Kimmy complains, frustrated as though she's the one that's been wronged. "Everything. Lead in the musical, the anchor job. She should have just stuck to playing soccer but no she wanted everything."

Veronica accepts the reasoning, feeling no remorse for the girl before her and chirps, "Thanks, Kimmy."

"Wait, what did you-" the video ends and the apologies begin.

--vm--

Despite Logan's promises, she hadn't expected anything to change between him and Lilly because Lilly Kane always had an excuse and everyone always fell for it - especially Logan.

So she'd had her own form of vengeance; because life's made her tough and to survive you had to get even. That is until she'd accidentally overheard Logan's conversation with Lilly.

"It was a joke," Lilly dismisses her actions, arms crossed, clearly upset about being their conversation. "Where's your sense of humour?"

"I defended you, Lil," he sighs, shaking his head as though he were a disappointed father. "I can't anymore."

Lilly falters at this, her green eyes pierce into him and she asks, "You can't anymore?"

"We're done," he lets out, backing away.

"What?" Her brows shoot up and her mouth curls with annoyance. "Are you breaking up with me? Do you want your friendship bracelet back?" She snaps.

"Was there a friendship bracelet to start of with? Because clearly I didn't mean as much to you as you did to me," he says with finality as he walks away.

Veronica watches as Lilly's face crumbles up when Logan walks away. She doesn't remember the last time she's seen Lilly about to cry - she thinks the answer is never.

All her plans on getting even fly out the window. She never thought Logan choosing her would make her feel guilty.

--vm--

She's on her way to the parking lot to wait for Logan to come when she spots Duncan. It's then that she remembers the email that was sent to him from her email address that confessed feelings of existing love. She wants to facepalm herself for not clearing things up earlier.

She doesn't want them to go back into the state of awkwardness that had formed during the last time he had thought she was confessing her love for him.

She jogs up a bit to catch up to him and calls, "Duncan, hey."

"Hey," he turns, nodding his head and offering a smile.

"Somebody stole my computer password and used it to sent fake emails from me to you so I don't still love you. Just so that you know," she rushes out, awkwardly and partly embarrassed.

He nods his head, understanding smile and assuring eyes and it feels like the Duncan she's always known. It's strange how for the longest time she'd thought she'd been in love with him. It's stranger that all those feelings, for all those years were a candle light in comparison to the wildfire that consumes her when she was with Logan.

"Are you okay?" He asks, he'd heard the rumours, he'd seen the broadcast and he'd tried to talk to her but she was always on the go.

As she nods her head, she feels Logan's hand slid around her waist, pulling her closer as he drops a kiss on her forehead. "Hey, Sugarpuss. DK. How's it going?"

Duncan nods. "Just talking about how crazy this week has been. You know you really should get a harder password," Duncan points out.

"Please, like yours isn't soccer4eva," she remarks, rolling her to eyes.

"No, it's not," he denies, slightly wide eyed, disbelieving on how she knows that.

Veronica chuckles and Logan cuddles further into her as he eyes Duncan. "Whatever you say, Duncan," she waves as they move along to Logan's X-Terra.

--vm--

"So," Logan says as he settles into the drivers side. "You up for ice cream?"

She turns to him with a giddy smile, "Always."

He chuckles, smiling as the ignition rumbles and he accelerates away.

[eris0330]

Hiraeth - Four

☽Pairing☾ ; BTS | Reader

☽Genre☾ ; Angst | Fluff

☽Word Count☾ ; 1.6k

☽Summary☾ Returning back to Korea after years of being under the ground, to see your parents. You wished it was all it took, to feel complete again. The aftermath of confusion, betrayal and sorrow was the reason to never come back into the boys presents. But it wasn’t until, seeing one them enter the same cafe, at the right time.

☽M. List☾ ;  1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8 // 9 // 10 // 11 // 12 // 13 // 14 // 15 // 16 // 17 // 18 // 19 // 20 // 21 // 22 [ongoing]

--------

"When was the last time we spoke about this?" Jin murmured with his drowsy coloured voice, as the drink became heavier in the bottom of his stomach. The tingling feeling evaporating through his whole body, and the sound of each member's breath clogging the practice room.  

"The last time Yoongi lost his head" Namjoon spat from afar, receiving the approximately glare from the light blonde guy. His glasses tipped and gently fogged by the warmth of the surroundings, with empty bottles neatly positioned in the centre.  

"Why is it always the ones who have had a crush on Y/N that lashes out the most?" Hoseok questioned, as the only one who didn't give into the alcohol and stayed with his carbonated drink. He was never great at drinking, but truly knew how to have a good time regardless. Jimin and Yoongi spared a glance to each other, before giving the typical "You're right, but whatever" huff.  

"Says the person who can barely keep a straight face when her name gets mentioned?" Jungkook spoke, leaning against the office chair, while raising a brow of annoyance as a 'kid'.  

"Don't tell me, you haven't gone a period of time, without having the idea of being her boyfriend? Besides Namjoon-" Yoongi replied along the lines, twirling around the half empty beer-can and letting the exhaustion of his lids close. The boys spent hours talking about you, or more like themselves. But it had always something to do with you, the flawed memories of bad choices and happy memories gathered with smiles. It was all brought up, thankfully to the youngest of the members. Suggestion of alcohol to boost their esteem to open their mouths, to share what had been clenching at their chest ever since that faithful Christmas.  

"Who says I didn't?" Namjoon added, folding his arms as the tilt of curiosity struck him harder than expected. Yoongi's eyes flashed brighter and looked for a second pained, but shrugged it off as usual. That's what he always did.  

"You have Jia" Taehyung remarked, still in the same position against the mirror, joining the circle of friendship and 'group therapy' as they disliked to call it. Namjoon chuckled, yet sighed deeply afterwards with his smile faltering. "Yeah, I had Jia."  

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" Taehyung's lips moved quicker than his mind could process, as Namjoon gave out a familiar smile. It was heartfelt and understanding, as if it was something he knew was coming. "Don't apologise, it's okay. It's a long time ago anyways" He answered quickly, looking down on the bracelet that were symbolic for their connection of friendship and love.  

"Do you still hear from her?" Jimin questioned, curious of what happened during the time of abandoning and heartaches. "I try to. It's only a text message now and then, but it has been lacking a bit the past month. Christmas season, you know." Namjoon excused, even though he clearly had no idea, why Jia stopped answering his messages.  

It didn't surprise him, when she never greeted another 'Good morning' or a simple 'Good night' text. He had it coming, but when she didn't answer his 'How are doing?', is when his own world fell apart, even if it already were in the first place. Could he blame her? No. Namjoon was the one who decided it was better off in their own pace, than trying to keep up with each other. Jia never accepted the fact you were gone, and even worse when she was family, yet she had zero boundaries containing of any connection between cousins. Namjoon was less frustrated and that's what made them stay up late at night, fighting over the same thing, you. The way he never tried to push Jia, but couldn't get himself to support her fight for trying to see you. It was a lost cause, and that's how it ended with their backs against each other every single night. Though, she understood why he couldn't. Why he didn't feel the need to cry out or seek comfort, because, he did it alone in the bathroom when no one was looking.  

"Did you ever get to tell Y/N how you felt, when that 'period' of time came?" Jin switched the subject, as he noticed the facial expression of joy on Namjoon, slither away into himself. Jimin took another glance at the rapper near to his side, unsure whether it would be appropriate or not in this case. But the pink hue above his cheekbones, and the fuzzy feeling in his toes didn't hold him back.  

"I didn't. Well... It was kind of blunt but we were both sort of drunk so I don't think it counts" He explained, bouncing the question further to Yoongi, who was more or less able to fall asleep in the chair. Everyone's ears tickled at the sound of his deep hum, but waited eagerly at his answer.  

"I never did. If you didn't notice, I screwed up quite a lot doing my time with Jisu... So, confessing my feelings for Y/N wasn't quite my priority" He calmly explained, letting the members eyes widen of his blunt honesty. Maybe it was the alcohol in his blood, but something else told him that he was being himself for once.  

"Wait a second. You had feelings for Y/N during the time with Jisu?" Taehyung blurted out in an unknown speed, making the rapper slightly smirk at the words. The member's curiosity peaked even more, before sorting out the puzzle themselves.  

"I would be lying if I said I didn't try to make Y/N jealous during my time with Jisu..."  

Silence, but it wasn't the unpleasant quietness of having to talk about something. Because, they all understood Yoongi at some point. They have all been there before, or always have. There was a mutual feeling towards you as a group, as close friends with the hint of a one-sided love. Even though how painful it was to stand beside you every day, to see your blank canvas across the hall with the same pair of joggings and sweat all over your body during practice, was like being punished. But as long they could be close to you, their status didn't matter. You did.  

"It's already 3 am. We should get back to the dorm before rehearsals tomorrow" Hoseok spoke, checking the dark clock on the wall and Yoongi checking his Rolex out of habit. Jungkook bit on his lip, seeing the members rise from their position unaware of the time flying by sharing different memories and hopes.  

"C-Could we do this again some time?" Jungkook mustered up the courage to speak, sensing the eyes fall on his tired frame while only an arm surrounded his shoulders. Jimin gave him a warm smile, before glancing at the other members. "Sure. It looks like we still have a lot of things in pandora’s box to open" He replied, ruffling the youngster's hair out of habit before Jungkook noticed the other members with the same kind of smile and an assuring nod. This is what he had been waiting for, the release of pain gravitating from his chest.  

--------

"What are you doing here?" An opened door to see a familiar woman come to sight. Her dark brown hair and small frame, with her newest red lipstick and captivating smile. Her aura of confidence and mischief, was something that made every hair on ones body stand straight.  

"Relax. I only have a restraining order from Yoongi. Besides, I got news Wonho, do you want to hear?" Jisu snickered, stepping inside the small apartment, remembering the same furniture as they have always been. Wonho didn't move on since your absence, but drowning himself with worry and the fact that the group's spirit and team work has been faltering the past years. It was noticeable for everyone, but no one dared to question it.  

"You're here to tell me news?" Wonho questioned with a raised brow but not feeling ecstatic about her appearance, closing the door behind, letting her familiar body posture rummage through the room. The only things left of your fateful smile framed behind another picture, to not let anyone see. Jisu knew this apartment, inside and out.  

"Awh, acting so defensively already? You didn't mind me coming here a month ago..." Jisu bit on her bottom lip, staining her bright white teeth with her lipstick. Unattractive, but it was one of Wonho's weaknesses. Jisu stepped in on the vulnerable man when he lost the 'love of his life' to the faith of shadows and emptiness, secluding a hideout in the arms of an enemy. Sharing his warmth with Jisu, from time to time when he needed it. It went on ever since, the day you left.  

"Get to the point, Jisu" Wonho spat, clearly tired of being toyed around in the middle of the night His abs flexing out of habit, when he was getting to the point of exhaustion and triggered of anger. It was a bad reaction of his body, because it always became that time, he called for Jisu. 

She sits comfortably on the black leather couch, letting her black skirt slide gently further up to reveal her glistering skin. Her perfume was tickling his nose, so slightly that it dragged him towards her like a siren. Only a single touch to let their fingers brush to their thighs, searching for comfort as two lonely people. Her lips brushing softly against his own, and the same exhale of releasing stress merging together. It was like being invited to dance and there was no way, to tell each other no.  

"I saw Y/N today in a café." Jisu's blunt news spread in Wonho's brain like poison, stopped him from moving any further. His blood shot eyes, feeling like they are going to explode any second. The idea, of you walking around in Seoul again after so long, but the fear of being played with, was battling against it, did nothing but made him shocked.  

[somestoriessomewhereelse]

Inktober 2020

1 – Fish

Sleep is just like water. Most of the times you feel good around it, light, peaceful - until the moment you suffocate and simply can't breathe in anymore. Then, you stay at the surface, awake, and dry.

2 – Wisp

I had this dream, again. I wander in a dark forest, following some flickering lights I can see floating in the air. I'm not scared, I'm just wondering where I will end. Then I notice I'm walking in my own footprints, and there is no end, no exit, always the same path.

Do I have the strength to change?

3 – Bulky

Anxiety, fears, regrets, disappointments, most of the time I can handle them. I feel them, however I don't let them overshadow all the lights of my life. But when one my nightmares come true, they take all the space, and just left me powerless in the dark.

4 – Radio

Wavelengths to hear and see anything. Colors, music, bones, heat, anything. So I wonder: do we also have a wavelength? a color? a frequency? And what are mines?

5 – Blade

I'm a fighter. I have weapons. I have my words. I'm able to stand in the arena with them, to attack, protect, react. I just have to remember to be careful with them: sometimes, I use them wrong, like a sword whose blade is turned inwards.

6 – Rodent

I'm a rat. I'm small, snitchy, unworthy of trust. They give me side eyes, they don't want me to belong. But I'm gonna prove them wrong. As one said: "Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere".

7 – Fancy

It's one of these days, when everything is fine. I'm in a good mood, peaceful with the world, and peaceful with myself. I go outside, hang out with nice people, drink and eat quality. I laugh all night long. I live the dolce vita, at least for one night.

8 – Teeth

I used to have a sweet tooth; candies, chocolate, juices: snacks time was my favorite of the day. Now I'm older, bitter, and my mouth has another favorite dessert: human flesh

9 – Throw

Why would I risk all I have for something else? Why can't I be satisfied with my current situation? Why is there always this burning desire to chase for more, to go beyond, to reput everything at stake? I have to find the peace to settle down.

10 – Hope

No matter how much I will be prepared, and how hard I try to make everything right, all I can do is just hope for the best and keep faith.

11 – Disgusting

Discriminations. Narcissism. Orange pants. Disappointments. Food wasting. Hair loss. The police. Sprouts. Failing. Myself.

But I can try to focus on what I like.

Solidarity. Glitters. Candies. Queerness. Pink sweaters. My friends. Sex positivism. Persisting. Discoveries. Hopes. Myself.

12 – Slippery

That night I felt I was on my sexy side: confident, hot, an object of desire -or maybe it was just the steamy hammam. My throat was welcoming, embracing dicks and dicks sliding countlessly. I could finally stop thinking, and be in the moment. I'm such a good slope.

13 – Dune

Beaches. The feeling of infinity, in space (what is being the horizon?), in time (how old is the sand in my hands?). The energy of the Earth, the Water, the Wind, the Sun, surrounding you, eroding you, reshaping you. Face to these strengths, you surrender. Nature is your mistress, you vow to protect her until you die.

14 – Armor

I know I have a shell, multiple walls and coping mechanisms built between my anxieties and the rest of the world. I know that what's inside of me, sometimes is only perceptions, not reality; that I shouldn't project my fears on what could happen or not. I know all of that, yet behind this colorful mask of pride and self-confidence, I'm still insecure and needy to be reassured.

15 – Outpost

The outpost position, sometimes known as "the first line". Their mission is to inspect enemy forces, and surprise them with a trap. But they're also the most vulnerable, and often used as human shield or simply sacrifice. Who cares about them? about their health? about their life? Decisions are made for them, regardless of their hopes and desires, as if they had no control of their own life. And who thinks that's fair?

16 – Rocket

The decisions I regret the most are the ones I took too fast, mostly with my dick. When I speed up and let my horniness speaks before my reason, these are the times I miss my target, and honey I never end up in the stars.

17 – Storm

When the pressure accumulates too much, the tempest can't be avoided: there is a need for some release. Spiky lightning striking the trees, thunderbolts bumping the ears through the heart, rain wetting and flooding the lands. Storms may seem destructive, but the sun always shines after them, and can enlighten what survived and what is ready to be rebuilt stronger than ever.

18 – Trap

Trap. Y'all know what I'm gonna write today. Y'all know I feel trapped by a lot of things: the curfew, capitalism, feelings, doubts, expectations, the desire of perfection and optimization, blah blah blah. And I know I feel like that mostly because of my brain. But I also feel that this situation is like quick sands: the more I fight, the quicker I go down; sometimes, in order to find inner peace, I just have to let it go.

19 – Dizzy

Alcohol, ecstazy, cannabis, cocaine, ketamine, LSD, poppers, GHB, speed, hilarious gas: anything to make me feel less myself. I love feeling my body getting lighter, my thoughts evaporating, and overall weighting less, to be only joy, electricity, light, desire, present and eternity.

20 – Coral

Once upon a time a beautiful mermaid, who lived peacefully in the oceans. She dreams about going up, see the human world, and she prays to meet them one day. And one day, her wish is granted: humans come undersea, to expand their world from their boats. The anchors destroy rocks and corals, the nets capture her fish friends, and the released oil covers the surface in black, like if there was clouds forever. Not quite her dream come true.

21 – Sleep

Is it because I'm a night person that I sleep so bad, or is it because I've always slept so bad that I became such a night person?

22 – Chef

I love food. I love eating. If there is one thing about living in France, it is this: we can find any king of food anywhere. French cuisine is great, and now it is mixed with a lot of other world influences. I love it. And I'm hungry to try new flavors.

23 – Rip

I don't know death yet, but I've felt multiple times the grief of an ended relationship. Whether it was because I had to leave for studies, or because my actions lead them to break up, most of the times I feel it's my fault. Then I get caught up in wondering what its: what if I stayed? what if I acted better? And here comes the sorrow.

24 – Dig

Underneath the social mask, underneath the short-term anxiety, underneath the hopes and the illusions, underneath my core memories and my life plans, what most part of myself will I find?

25 – Buddy

To these few amazing people who stand by le no matter what, who see me at my worst before any rising glory, who are with me regardless of the distance between us, who love me and whom I love them back: I thank all of you, for everything.

26 – Hide

Being outside the norms implies hiding: it's a basic survival instinct. We hide not to be discriminated, rejected, hunted, killed. Because we live in the world that doesn't understand us, and doesn't want to. Well fuck them. I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of see my pears hiding. We are strong, powerful, resilient. Let's break the norms. Let's take the place we deserve. Let's become visible.

27 – Music

Through my voice, she spreads and produce love. I live for her and I have nothing else. How many people will I meet, who like me wrote on their face "I live for her"? I live for her, on the ground or against a wall. I live for her, even in a complicated future.

28 – Float

I had the feeling I was getting okay, finally reaching the surface, finally breathing a fresh air. Apparently I was wrong: I'm drawing again. This air was not that fresh, it brought insecurities I didn't think they was still there. However, it ain't my first time, and I've become a good swimmer; I'll reach the surface again, and again, and again. But sometimes my eyes get tired, burnt by the salt, and I just can't see the lands anymore.

29 – Shoes

These boots are made for walking, these shoes are made for running, and these heels are made for being a star. I have no more powerful moment than when I’m on stage: for five minutes, I feel like I belong, like I matter, like my performance have importance. The stage is the place I can express myself, show my feeling (my ass), and connect with people. And it all started with my first pair of heels.

30 – Ominous

I have a bad presentiment. Ok, to be honest, I always have. But when I think about the following weeks, I feel like... I don't know. Is it gonna be better this time, since I should be more prepared? or is it gonna be worse because I have way more issues to deal with at this same time? Staying weeks in my bed wasn't that difficult, I got used to it. But dealing between social work, lockdown, interpersonal issues and personal goals... well, let's just say I have a bad presentiment.

31 – Crawl

I will never crawl. Not for you, not for the government, not for anyone. I'm no one's bitch, never in the sheets, never in the streets. Lock me down but I will still stand up. Once again, it's not the time to surrender, but to rise, together, united. And no I won't be your houseslut for the month.