#and I’m tired of hating myself
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Maybe my anxiety comes from the fact I didn’t have an actual dinner yesterday. Who knows why it’s here. Who knows why it makes me hate myself.
#I’m going to eat food#ignore this#ignore the below tags especially#I’m an obligation and I wish other people were free of me#I’m so tired of making people put up with me#and I’m tired of hating myself#I think I’m too broken to care for#maybe it would be better to just cut everyone out to save them from me#maybe I should eat something#maybe I should throw my phone in the River
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“This Is A Bad Idea”
“I Don’t Care”
Uhh HAPPY VALENTINES DAY *throws guys kissing at you and runs away*
If you wanna see more of them I have a LOT on my Patreon. Uhhhh yeah bYE —
#I’m so tired of being afraid of sharing simple smooching#what’s some making out between two dudes in their mid 20’s?#they are down bad#*shakes them in a jar full of marbles*#kissing#smooching#make out#idk how else to tag this#leoichi#LeoSagi#they ARE ADULTS OKAY#(hate feeling like I need to defend myself before posting anything but it’s my art and my au and I can do what I want)#I hope ppl like this#I just really love how the arm and hand on Leo came out#I LOVE THEM SO MUCH NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME
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I don’t feel anything anymore, I’m so exhausted. I just want to be gone.
#i dont want to be here#mentally exhausted#tw depressing stuff#im losing hope#i hate myself#i want to die#i’m so alone#self h@rm#i hate my existence#mental health relapse#deppresing quotes#deppresing thoughts#depressing shit#i want to disappear#anxi4ty#tired of life#i relapsed again
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perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:
does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies
#when i tell you every single resource i’ve ever found or tried to get through or anyone i’ve ever asked#has been just so. mean about it#not even intentionally#not always at least#but there’s so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things#that i don’t think people can untie that from their ‘helpful tips’#it’s all ‘i used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you don’t have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!’ and it’s like. okay.#you see how that’s not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any ‘on time’ person#ever had#this has been a comic i’ve been stewing on for ages as well but. well there’s of course the shame#idk it’s something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it#see it as a personal choice to be late#and as something one needs to just ‘try harder’ to fix. and that if you don’t#you inherently don’t care about other people’s time or even other people in general#and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean i’ve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices#it’s something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for#bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. they’re always always viewed as a personal failing#and i’m sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves#and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Don’t care about anyone else#there’s a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month
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Shounen was written for young boys to help them to get stronger and find a purpose in life, thats why most shounen series end up in marriage and having kids. Japan's birth rates are dropping each year and you guys want to see Deku and Bakugou end up together instead of Deku and Ochaco getting married and having kids? The stories and media we consume has to match the standards of real life you know.
Wow… this is a lot to unpack. A normal person would just ignore this, but lucky for you, I’m a bitch when I wanna be, and I happen to have time on my hands right now.
1) “Shonen was written for young boys to help them to get stronger and find a purpose in life”
Shonen is literally just a genre that directly translates to “young men.” But I think you’re trying to define the meaning of story telling as a whole, and even still, that’s a very narrow way to view an entire genre.
Stories meant for young men, most of the time, are meant for entertainment. You have anime’s like Dragon Ball and Naruto that’s almost nothing but action scene after action scene with very little thought provoking plot, because at the time, they were written for young boys. Like, they were aired on children’s channels back in the day, young boys. And while I won’t deny that there are definitely some good lessons in both (I can’t speak much because I never finished Naruto and only got about 20 episodes into dbz) they’re not meant to make a boy “stronger.” Lessons in early shonen were meant to broaden world views and increase emotional intelligence in a way that’s easy to understand. I guess it depends on your definition of what strength is, but I feel like strength is built from personal experiences, not watching an anime.
That being said though, the shonen/young boys genre has evolved over the years in the east and the west. Jujutsu Kaisen, Chainsaw Man, and Attack on Titan, are all shonens, with aot being also classified as a seinen. Those are most definitely not meant for the same age group that Dragon Ball and Naruto and One Piece were written for, given the amount of gore and heavier themes presented. Now, that’s not me looking down upon those stories at all, that’s me pointing out the obvious difference in tone, despite them being classified as the same.
As the genre evolved, authors approaches have also evolved. Literally read any interview from any modern shonen author and you’ll see how unserious they are when it comes to their own stories. Gege didn’t even like writing his story past a certain point and was just trying to push through it, because it wasn’t the story he originally wanted to write. Horikoshi has always said he just wanted to tell a story with no real goal towards the audience. Chainsaw Man is literally about a guy wanting to touch some boobs??? What about any of that screams, “I’m writing this to raise the new generation of young boys into strong husbands and fathers who know their purpose in life!”
Shonen as a whole has grown into a genre meant for young adults, with heavier themes and becoming increasingly more political. It’s not the same genre it used to be, and trying to say that it is, isn’t fair and is lowkey insulting towards authors with a more progressive world view.
2) “Japan’s birth rates are dropping each year and you guys want to see Deku and Bakugou get together instead of Deku and Ochaco getting married and having kids?”
Yeah… you’re right. I’d rather see a well written relationship come to fruition than watch another male author completely disrespect their female lead and ripping away her development. Why the fuck would I, an infertile acespec queer person, give a fuck about using two fictional characters to inspire young people to get married and start a nuclear family…
Also the birth rates are dropping all over the world, don’t pretend it’s only a Japanese issue. In Asia specifically, the birth rate is going down because women are tired of men’s shit and refuse to bare their children, and I’m actually happy as fuck that other parts of the world are following in their footsteps.
Women have been treated like shit in every corner of the world for so fucking long, and we all just dealt with it because that’s what we all thought we were supposed to do. It’s about fucking time we actually put our foots down and protest in the ways that we can, which is practicing our rights to autonomy. Why tf should we be responsible to bear the children of men most of us barely even like? And why is having children a mans responsibility, when women are the ones who have to carry the babies? Besides, why the fuck would anyone want to bring a kid into the shit show that is the world right now?
We’re over populated, have a really fucked up consumption and capitalism problem which causes us to depend on disgustingly unethical ways to find resources to appease everyone, there’s fucking flowers blooming in the arctics, there’s several genocides happening in the world as a result of neglectful and corrupt governments, a literal ethnic cleansing happening, and a carton of eggs costs 12 fucking dollars while the minimum wage stays at only $7.25 and the cost of living isn’t affordable unless you’re making nearly triple the minimum wage. I don’t even wanna be subjected to this shit and I’ll be damned before I subject a child to it against their will. Most of us can’t even afford to take care of ourselves without our parents help right now.
Also, what does a gay pairing have to do with the birth rate at all? Is Deku gonna carry that baby? Or are you seriously just narrowing down Ochaco to nothing more than his incubator? If Ochaco decides to have kids one day, why should it have to be with Deku? Oh and I hate to break it to you, but Ochaco becoming a mother isn’t going to solve any of the issues you presented.
3) “The stories and media we consume has to match the standards of real life you know”
…you’re talking about a story where one of the background characters has a god damn spray bottle for a head…
It’s fiction. Superhero media, at that. None of it has to follow the “rules” of real life, and most of the time, this kind of media does the exact opposite of following societal norms. And you thinking otherwise probably made Stan Lee roll in his grave.
Also, what’re your standards for real life? Because everyone’s standards are different. If yours is to get married and live in a traditional household with five kids and one source of income in this economy, then I think you’re the one being unrealistic here.
We shouldn’t burden children with adult responsibilities. Having kids and being a “good husband” isn’t something a child should have to think about until they’re older and only if they want to. Believe it or not, not everyone’s goal is to get married and produce offspring. We should be encouraging children to do the things they like doing without having to worry about adult shit yet. Not indoctrinating them into believing that the only way for them to be a successful adult, is if they have kids.
Using shonen and other conformative media that is dead set on maintaining the status quo to brainwash kids into wanting to be parents before they even know how babies are made, is weird. Don’t be weird, anon. You sound like one of those “alpha males” with a red pill podcast, convincing young men that crypto scams are a perfectly ethical way to make quick cash.
Literally just say you’re a misogynist, and move on. And get tf out of my inbox.
P.S.
You know gay men exist in real life, right? You’re talking as if gay men aren’t real. Not only are they real, but they also have nothing to do with the birth rate dropping. Find something else to be mad about.
#anon hate#bakudeku#bkdk#it’s funny cuz I barely even talked about them#even tho anon was hating on them#everything else astounded me too much#midoriya izuku#bnha#bakugou katsuki#puff speaks#ask puff#puff answers#ochaco uraraka#uraraka ochako#you’re giving me Logan Paul vibes pls get away from me#not every story has to end with a guy winning a girl at the end#and I’m getting tired of repeating myself#ew I can’t believe I gave you the satisfaction of genuinely pissing me off
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inktober 2024 - day 23
#inktober 2024#vanitas#the case study of vanitas#vanitas no carte#fanart#ink#day 23! give it up for day 23!!#i have such low energy today i really had to drag myself to my sketchbook#this is cropped because i kinda hate the original overall drawing#aaaaaaa i’m so tired wish me luck on the rest of this challenge
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“Shizun, you don’t smile often. I love seeing you smile. But whenever I recall that you only smile like that when you’re with them, it…” He said, very quietly, “It hurts me very, very much.”
#from vol 3 chapter 21: always together#svsss#luo binghe#‘i hate! i hate myself!’ is a heartbreaking thing but this one. oh god#i’m going to start a binghe quotes tag actually. i love him so much#binghe quotes#that should work#its not funny but is anything anymore?#omg. the acronym is bq#im tired
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furries are fucking awesome man reblog this post if you think furries are awesome
#in a discord server a bunch of people have been talking about furries a lot lately and like.#yes I’ve heard of furries before yes I’ve seen furries before#like it’s cool it’s whatever they’re doing they’re thing ok#but I drew that fursona a while back because of it. i just thought it would be fun#and while I don’t consider myself a furry that fursona is the only sona design I’ve ever made hat I’ve actually liked 🥹#and now me and my friends are just using it as my sona? because I like it!! and it makes me so happy :]#there’s something so magical about fursonas. about just being a silly animal! and I wish they did not get so much hate.#they do not deserve it AT ALL#Idk why I’m typing this I usually don’t make posts other than art or reblogs. maybe it’s just cause I’m tired#but I love furries. they’re cool and I wanted to talk about that.#drawing myself as a cute mousegirl has done something to me and it’s something so beautiful and magical
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Back on my bs!!! It’s been a hot second since I’ve painted anything but apparently jet lag is deeply inspiring cuz I’m out here painting on planes and having a great time. My tablet pen nib is so worn out there’s a hole in it but I was still like ‘oooough gotta draw’
#in this house we thank mx. gradient map for the tasty colors#thank you mx. gradient map#I’m so tired it’s like 6 am and I’ve hopped three countries in four days#posting this now so it’s out at a reasonable time in the US but it’s like 6am rn in Japan where I am#and I went to bed at 2am. press F#anyways hello I still love the Trickster#I really thought to myself ‘I’ll paint someone who is covered in stripes’#and I did and didn’t even hate it. wild#the Trickster’s beauty carries me through LOL#Trickster#Kooza#Cirque du Soleil#Cirque du Soleil Trickster#my art
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day 14! Ignoring the fact I have missed so many days nor is it the 14th
#tmaynt#tmnt fanart#mutant mayhem#i kinda hate this but I’m sick and tired so I will allow myself to ignore the mistakes
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what’s wrong with me? why am i so fundamentally unlovable?
#personal#vent#ranting#so sick and tired of this bullshit#ngl i cry myself to sleep every night these days#but it is what it is#it’s fine#i’m fine#fundamentally unlovable#there must be something wrong with me#i hate myself#low self esteem#mental health issues#depressing stuff#depression#i am not okay#i am not good enough for anyone#not worthy of love#no one cares about me#i don’t matter
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I’m so fucking tired. I can’t do this anymore.
#i dont want to be here#mentally exhausted#tw depressing stuff#i hate myself#i want to die#im losing hope#i’m so alone#self h@rm#i hate my existence#mental health relapse#anxi4ty#deppresing quotes#deppresing thoughts#depressing shit#i want to disappear#tired of life#no one cares
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Guys am I crazy ?
#female hysteria#girlhood#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#hell is a teenage girl#lana del rey#lana del ray aka lizzy grant#this is a girlblog#girl blogger#this is what makes us girls#girl interupted syndrome#just girly things#girl interrupted#i’m so fat#i’m so tired#i’m so ugly#i wish i was joking#i hate everything about myself#coquette#blythe doll
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Slow writers of tumblr: has anyone figured out The Key to not comparing yourself to your peers who hit massive word counts daily? Or is this something we all struggle with together?
#kaitlyn talks for once#writeblr#writblr#writers of tumblr#writing#I’d be okay either one tbh#i just. would love to be able to support my productive friends while not feeling like shit and being jealous and hating myself#please#if anyone found the key#tell me#I’d be alright with support too#it’s just hard#you know?#rough to deal with#the jealousy. i want to be supportive without hating myself#is there a way?#i’m desperate#please just tell me what to do to stop hating myself and I will#i don’t know.#maybe I’m just hungry and tired and drained. it’s been a long day and I haven’t eaten anything#maybe tomorrow will be better
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Interacting with me must be such a disappointment
#I’m sorry @everyone#i hate me too#I’m sorry..#tired#exhausted#deppressed#numb#mentally tired#lonliness#pathetic#worthless#i hate myself#i’m such a piece of shit#deppresing thoughts#passively suicidal#alone
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I used to make you promise you’d tell your kids about me one day, and you’d roll your eyes and tell me to fuck off.
But I really needed you to promise because I knew that I wouldn’t be there to watch them grow up.
Even though i won’t be there, I need them to know that their parents are the reason I did hold on for so long. To tell them about all the adventures we had and share our greatest memories. I needed that promise to know that I am still part of your story
#tw sui implied#tw depressing stuff#bpd#falling apart#depressiv#suffering#tw depression#lost#hate myself#borderline personality disorder#die#heartbreak#broken#sad#bad friend#once I’m gone#hopeless#sick and tired#trust issues#trauma#tw#tw depressing thoughts#tw sui ideation#suicide attempts#suicide note#suicidal#bipolar disorder#actually bipolar#bipolar#goodbye
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