#and I’m talking about my own personal experiences
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yuckiemouth · 1 day ago
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help a girly out here and teach me how to masturbate step by step pls
TMI/OPEN THOUGHTS
Let’s see… I haven’t masturbated in a while because I be busy and my sleep schedule is actually giving me justice, but when I use to stay up, I’ll tell you what I did step by step… man I feel like a teacher 😭
1. PRIVACY
this is obvious, but some idiots get caught, so yeah if you’re able to, LOCK your door, me in a strict house hold, I don’t even have locks, but I never got caught either. So if you don’t have locks on your door or unable to even close it (cuz some parents be doing that), go to the bathroom or better yet, wait til everyone sleep.
If you’re a moaner, pillow rider, vibrator user, dildo user, turn your TV UP!!! Even if you don’t moan, big mama makes SQUELCHING noises, I’m talkin she be wet, so you don’t want no one walking past and be like “WTH?”
2. GET AROUSED.
mindlessly masturbating is such a waste, so I say really set the mood. Turn off the lights or dim them, or better yet LED lights. Optional if you wanna wear sum sexy. To get aroused properly, watch something that you’re attracted to, whether its lesbians, straight sex, BBC, roleplay, etc. whatever that ain’t my business, but if you aren’t able to (say if your parents took your device or your internet is just trash.) USE YOUR IMAGINATION. While imagining whatever you fantasize, caress your inner thighs, knead or suck your own tits, suck your fingers, slowly rub your clit through your underwear, etc.
3. HOW TO MASTURBATE 101 🤓
I ain’t no fingering ass bitch cuz I don’t feel a fuck thing so… As WOMEN, we should know where the clit is (I hope cuz if not where tf have you been?) anyway…. Depending on your anatomy, your clit has a hood (heavy skin) because it’s so fucking sensitive bro. I found out people don’t be feeling nun when they rub big mama is because y’all ain’t pulling the hood up, the mf ain’t cold, take the hood off!! BUT I MUST WARN YOU. Don’t rub yourself too hard because it could be hurtful and could possibly lose feeling on your clitoris, so if you’re rough with your fingers or overly sensitive, keep the hood over it, but if you’re not, PULL IT UP.
Now using your MIDDLE and RING fingers, it’s different strokes people use. The most commonly used one is circulating around it and rubbing side to side. But I’ll tell a little secret.
The way I get off involves 3 techniques.
First, I start off slow, controlled, and even roll my hips with it. Now after some time, I’m aroused, using my arousal as lube y’all hear me out… then i stimulate more by going faster, but soft on the touch. Once I feel like I’m ready, I press harder and go all out, then GOT YA! I’m a edger! I stop when I’m about to cum and slap it a bit to keep her stimulated. Yeah, yeah I know, I get mad TOO when I feel my high go down, but repeating it like 4 times, best nut you’ll experience.
So I circulate, go side to side, and spank her cuz why not. When I’m real horny and feeling rushed, it takes me 10 minutes, but if I have time, 30+.
4. HOW TO CLEAN UP
Now…. Me, this is from experience, I be all over the place. So I go to the bathroom, flush away that water weight, wash my hands and if you’re a squirter (which im not), girl you should already have a towel under you cuz who feel like changing sheets tbh… and NEVER masturbate with underwear, take them off before you even start.
Now people hate talking about it, but YES, masturbating has a smell and you probably won’t smell it because you’re the one doing it, but if another person walk in, they will smell a musky scent SIMPLY because your vagina is an open ORGAN closed with thighs, and you know what creates that? Heat! And you know what heat creates on your body? Sweat. And what SHOULD sweat smell like (since y’all be dirty a lil). MUSK. So to eliminate that smell around the whole room, keep your lower half under covers, use a candle, spray air freshener, keep the air on, inscents or whatever those are called. WHATEVER JUST BLOCK OUT THE SMELL.
And that’s all I got tbh….
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fanficsbysteve · 2 days ago
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Jeremy Crow
Note: When I write my BuckTommy stuff, I always draw on my own personal experiences when writing stuff for Tommy. He’s a 40 year old gay man, I’m a 40 year old gay man. His Dad was abusive as shit growing up. My Dad was abusive as shit growing up. So, I feel we could have some very similar stuff happen in our lives. So, I had this thought and figured that in my head this was true. So, enjoy another of my silly little headcanons.
Also available on AO3 if you want to leave Kudos.
***
Tommy took Evan up to his bedroom to get ready for bed, and some other things beforehand but Tommy was not going to push for that. It had been two weeks since they had spoken and realized they were both idiots and decided to try again, just not going at light speed that Evan had been going at. Tommy was going to talk about how things made him feel and wasn’t just ‘trying to keep up’ with Evan’s pace. They were also going to go at Tommy’s pace as well.
     Going into the room, Tommy looked at the bed and spotted something sitting in the middle of the bed. Tommy froze. Oh god he had forgotten to put that away. Evan went past Tommy into the room and his eyes also fell onto the bed, “Oh what’s that?” he asked, looking at the bed as well.
     Sitting in the middle of the pillows was a stuffed crow. It looked like it had seen better days, its better days being three decades ago. The black fuzz that had been its torso had all but worn away, the paint on its eyes had been rubbed off and was just the white of the eyes now. The only part that seemed to have withstood the test of time was the beak of the crow, “Um…” Tommy started, “That would be Jeremy. Jeremy Crow.”
 Tommy looked at the crow sitting on his bed, named after a character from a movie he had watched as a child. He had gotten it when he was around five years old and had been sleeping with him every night since. There was something comforting about having Jeremy with him. He slept better. Tommy sometimes thought that Jeremy kept the bad dreams away. He never had them when he had Jeremy in his arms. He had been trying to hide Jeremy away, not wanting Evan to see him because he was scared of what Evan would think about him. A grown man still sleeping with a stuffed animal from his childhood.
     Evan did something that shocked Tommy. Something he hadn’t expected. Evan walked over to the bed, got in, motioned for Tommy to join him, and handed Jeremy over to Tommy, “So tell me about Jeremy,” Evan asked as he lie down.
     Tommy took Jeremy and held him close, feeling the comfort that Jeremy brought to him, “I’ve had him for years,” Tommy started, “My Mom had seen him at a Garage sale and bought him for me. We didn’t have a lot of money growing up so things like this were rare. My mom did enjoy going to garage sales though. She could always find the most interesting treasures at those,” Tommy went to lay down fully in bed, “She passed away about a year after she gave me Jeremy. It’s the only thing I have left that reminds me of her.”
     Evan pulled Tommy into a cuddle. Wrapping his arms around the both of them, “I’m sorry that happened,” Evan said. Tommy had told him about how his mother had died when he was about 6 years old, and how his home life had gone downhill after that as his father had become an alcoholic, “I’m glad you still have something that reminds you of her.”
     Tommy let Evan hold him, feeling his warmth, Jeremy tucked in close to his chest, “I might not have it for long anyways,” Tommy said, “You saw what he looked like. He’s seen better days. I think his best days were back when I was a child. Soon he’s just going to fall apart like most things in my life and I’ll lose the last shred of my Mom.”
     Tommy felt tears welling up, but he refused to let them fall. He would not cry over this. He would remain strong, “You won’t lose the last shred of your Mom though,” Evan gave Tommy a squeeze, “She lives inside you. And you will always have her memory. Jeremy is a reminder of those memories but he’s just a thing.”
     “I know,” Tommy said, “Doesn’t make it less painful that I’ll lose him. Did you know that he’s the reason I don’t have nightmares all the time?”
     “You believe that your stuffed crow stops nightmares?” Evan sounded, “But my belief that I was cursed by a dead cowboy was silly?”
     “Oh, leave me alone,” Tommy playfully elbowed Evan, “I have my own beliefs just like you. I don’t believe in curses, but I’ve never had a nightmare so long as I have Jeremy with me. You’ve experienced my nightmares.”
     Tommy remembered when he was staying over at Evan’s place a few months ago. He felt he had his nightmares under control. He was very wrong. He had been having a flashback to his time in Iraq, he had joined the military and was working as a helicopter pilot, one of those big troop carrier types. They were flying over the desert when out of nowhere, someone fired a missile at them. Tommy saw it coming but not in time and the back of the chopper had been hit. He did everything he could to get them down safely, but they ended up crashing no matter what Tommy did. Six men died on impact. They were nowhere near a city or town. It took them 3 days to find their way back. Tommy had woken up screaming that night. Evan was freaking out about what was happening. He had no idea the PTSD that Tommy was suppressing every day, “I know,” Evan replied, continuing to hold him.
     “Lets just get some sleep,” Tommy said. He was exhausted from having to remember so many things he’s been trying so hard to keep down.
***
     Tommy was at Evan’s loft, laying in bed, waiting for Evan to finish up in the bathroom. He was ready for bed, laying in just his boxers, nothing else on. He preferred to sleep like this when at Evan’s loft. Evan kept the temperature up higher than Tommy did at his house, so it was always far too warm for him in the loft. Hot air rising and all that. Evan came out of the bathroom, dressed only in his underwear as well, and crawled into bed, “I got you something,” Evan said as he leaned over the bed to grab something from the side. Tommy was confused, “Since you don’t have Jeremy Crow while over here, I wanted you to have something to hold, maybe to keep the dreams at bay,” Evan pulled up a penguin, the size of Jeremy.
     Tommy reached out to take it from Evan. He had tears in his eyes. This was the first time someone had actually not mocked him for having Jeremy. The fact that Evan had taken the time to go out, find this penguin, just for Tommy to sleep with so he didn’t wake up screaming, which meant something to Tommy, “Evan,” was all he could manage to get out as his throat constricted as he wanted to cry.
     “He doesn’t have a name yet,” Evan replied, “I figured that you would want to name him yourself. I don’t know any good penguin movies besides Happy Feet. So, I will leave naming him to you,” Evan continued, “And if he works, would you allow me to take Jeremy to someone I found? After you showed me Jeremy, I started falling down a research hole.”
     Tommy was just staring at the penguin while Evan spoke, barely hearing what he was saying. Tommy at this moment knew that Evan was the one. The one to spend the rest of his life with. He just didn’t know how to broach the subject now. They had only been back together for three weeks, “Sorry what?”
     “I was asking if I could take Jeremy to a repair shop I found online,” Evan repeated. Tommy leaned into Evan, just staring at this new penguin, “He’s got a great online presence, lots of five star reviews on Google. I figured we could make Jeremy last awhile longer if we took him in for some repairs.”
     Tommy nodded his head absently at that, “Sounds good,” He said.
     “You seem a little out of it,” Evan asked, “Something wrong?”
     “Not really,” Tommy replied, “I’ve never had someone care about me so much. Usually, it was open mockery if anyone actually saw Jeremy. You are the first person who actually cared about me enough to not only not mock me about my crow that I sleep with, but you went out of your way to get something so that I could sleep well at your place as well.”
     “Well, you are important to me,” Evan said, “I wouldn’t have blurted out about moving in together all those months ago if I didn’t mean it. I want you to feel like you are at home here as well until the day we do decide to take the next steps.”
     Now it was Tommy’s turn to blurt things out. He shouldn’t have but he couldn’t help himself. He felt so complete now with Evan, knowing about his nightmares, how to help with them, “I love you,” Tommy said turning his head to face Evan, “I love you more than anything in this world. You are the first person who has ever taken the time to understand me. I want you to be my last.”
     Tommy watched as Evan was taken aback by his statement for a brief second, “I didn’t expect that,” a smile broke out over Evan’s face, “I love you too you fool. I figured that out months ago when I asked you to move in.”
     “We both agreed we were idiots,” Tommy said as he brought the penguin in for a tight hug. He felt similar to Jeremy, but softer, “But yes you can take Jeremy in for repairs, but only because I have Hubie here.”
     “Hubie?” Evan asked about the name.
     Tommy smiled, “Yes Hubie. I’m a child of the 80’s and 90’s. I watched a lot of Don Bluth movies. There was one about penguins and the main character is named Hubie. So, it fits.”
     “You’ll have to show me the movies that you get your names from one of these days,” Evan said, “But now lets get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”
     Tommy turned on his side, letting Evan take the Big Spoon position, holding Hubie close. A content sigh left his body as he felt this soft penguin in his arms, and Evan’s arms pulling him close. This was the perfect ending to a wonderful day.
***
Note: So yeah, I admit that I still have stuffed animals. I have the stuffed Mickey Mouse I had since I as a child still in my bedroom. I also have a stuffed Penguin I sleep with named Mr. Pickles. Just something I need to sleep. If I don’t have one of them, I can’t sleep well. And yes, I am actually a 40 year old man who sleeps with a stuffed penguin. Hate all you want but you won’t change me. For the record, Jeremy Crow came from The Secret of NIMH, and Hubie the Penguin is from The Pebble and the Penguin. Both Don Bluth movies.
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kikyoupdates · 3 days ago
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Made to Destroy ⭑˚💎⭑ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑢𝑡𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑙𝑑
bnha x op!reader
op!reader, my hero academia x fem!reader, reverse harem, over powered reader, f!reader
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You are the product of a series of twisted experiments, an anomaly that shouldn’t have ever existed in the first place. Thankfully, you are taken into the arms of a hero and given a new purpose in life. But as you soon discover, it isn’t easy to deny your true nature, especially when you were made to destroy.
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I don’t know where I’m going.  
You’ve been walking for a while now, with no real destination in mind. Truthfully, you’re not searching for anyplace in particular. You just figure that anywhere will be better than being stuck with that crazy old man.  
So, you walk. The building you’ve just come out of is rather secluded, tucked away behind a canopy of trees. There’s no one else as far as the eye can see, so you make the journey in total silence, instead focusing on the sweet-tasting air, and the little birds that flit from branch to branch.  
The minutes trickle on, turning to hours, and you find yourself weighed down by a heavy feeling that must be fatigue.  
But it’s okay. Because it seems like you’ve just reached the city.  
Here, you are no longer alone. It’s crowded and busy, and there are tons of people roaming about. You can’t help but blink in awe. Up until now, the only person you’ve met was Dr. Garaki. You never imagined that there would be so many others besides him.  
Curious, you take a step forward. 
Only to be immediately pulled back.  
“Be careful!” a woman cries out, and something speeds past you at that very moment, just narrowly missing your body. You frown and look back at the woman in confusion. For some reason, she’s gasping for breath and her shoulders are trembling. “You almost walked right in front of that car,” she says shakily. “Seriously, you need to look both ways before crossing. The pedestrian light wasn’t even on.”  
You’re not really sure what she’s talking about, but you nod nonetheless. 
“Okay,” you reply. “Thank you.”  
She lets go of your arm, then looks you over for quite a long time. Something about your appearance must not sit right with her, because her brow is now furrowed.  
“Is everything okay—”  
“Hey, what’s the hold up?” someone else interjects. It’s a man, and he loops his arm around the woman’s. “Come on, I’m in a hurry here. I need to get back to work soon.”  
“Oh. This girl was about to wander out into the street, so I got worried about her,” she explains.  
“Yeah? Well, she’s fine now, so let’s go. Like I said, I don’t have time for this.”  
The woman is jerked along without another word, but you can see her glancing back over her shoulder every few moments, a look of concern plastered across her face.  
Eventually, she disappears through the crowd, so you shrug and carry on walking.  
A lot of people seem to be giving you funny looks. You don’t notice them at first, but eventually, you realize that you’re drawing a lot of attention to yourself. You’re not really sure why, though.  
More importantly, so much of this is new to you. Not only are there tons of people, but there are countless buildings, in all colors and sizes, as well as other strange things you’ve never seen before. The world outside appears to be vibrant and bright, already a massive improvement to the dingy lab you awoke in.  
You keep walking. Some people look like they want to call out to you, or at the very least, they’re thinking about it, but ultimately, they reconsider and let you carry on your way.  
Everyone disregards the fact that you’re a child all on your own and assumes that someone else will come to your rescue eventually. That’s the reasoning they use to spare themselves the hassle and wipe their hands of any responsibility.  
And then, someone does come to your rescue.  
“Hello there, little girl. Are you by yourself?”  
It’s a tall man with a warm, inviting smile. He fixes you in a tender gaze, and unlike everyone else, he takes the time to find out how you’re doing.  
You nod in agreement. “Yes. I’m alone.”  
For some reason, the man’s smile grows even wider. Unfortunately, you’re too naïve to realize why.  
“Well, that just won’t do,” he hums. “It’s not safe for a kid like you to be all alone on the streets. How about I help you out? I can get you something to eat too. You sound like you’re hungry.”  
Hungry? You’re not too familiar with the term, but perhaps he’s referring to how your stomach is grumbling without pause. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, one that you’d been trying to disregard up until now. But if this man says he can help with that, you’ll gladly take him up on his offer.  
“I think I am hungry,” you concede. “I want to try eating something.”  
“Of course,” he grins. “Just follow me.”  
So, you do. It doesn’t occur to you that perhaps you shouldn’t trust people so blindly, especially given the experience you’ve already had with Dr. Garaki. But as you will soon discover, the outside world is plenty dangerous too, and your total ignorance makes you all the more vulnerable to it.  
The man reaches over to grab your hand in his, and he seems tickled pink by the fact that you don’t try to refuse.  
For a while, the two of you walk like that, hand-in-hand. You keep looking around the whole time, trying to make sense of your surroundings, and eventually, you see something that makes your eyes widen.  
“There,” you say, pointing towards a building. You can see through its glass windows, and the people inside are all sitting at tables and shoveling various things into their mouth. They’re... eating, right? They must be. Your brain instinctively makes the connection, and right on cue, your stomach starts grumbling even more.  
“What is it?” the man frowns.  
“They’re eating food,” you say. “In there. Can we go in to eat too? I’m hungry.”  
“Ah. I actually don’t have a lot of money on hand,” he sighs. “But I’ve got a nice meal waiting for us back home. I can get you more comfortable clothes to change into as well. Don’t worry. It’ll be way better than sitting in a cramped diner.”  
You tilt your head to the side, confused. “But they’re all eating, and I want to eat too. I don’t feel like waiting any longer. I want to go there.”  
“Like I said, I don’t have money,” he explains.  
“Money?”  
Yet another term you’ve never heard before. There’s a lot that you don’t understand, that you still need to learn. Of course, the man can’t possibly know that, so he must assume you’re just playing dumb. 
“Everyone else is eating, so why can’t we do it too?” you ask.  
He clicks his tongue, and his smile drops for the very first time. “Don’t be difficult,” he grimaces. You notice that his grip on your hand has become tighter. “I promise I’ll give you some food at home, so please just listen to me, okay?”  
Despite his insistence, you stubbornly root your feet into the ground. There’s food right on the other side of that window, and you’re not going anywhere until you’ve tried some for yourself.  
“I want to go in there,” you say again. “I’m not leaving.”  
It seems like that’s really not what the man wanted to hear, because all of a sudden, anger flashes through his eyes, and he pulls you forcefully, making you stumble forward in bewilderment.  
Then, he throws you over his shoulder.  
“I played nice and gave you a chance,” he glares. “All you had to do was not act out like a little brat.”  
He’s running now, still gripping you tight and refusing to let go. All you can do is gape, watching as the diner fades further and further into the distance. You lament the loss of your food, which now appears to be hopelessly out of reach. The hunger is getting worse by the second, too. It feels like your stomach is about to implode.  
You know what you have to do. You need to fight this guy off and break free of him. But much to your dismay, you can’t muster up the strength, no matter how hard you try. That feeling from before, when you channeled all that energy... it’s gone. And you’re not quite sure how to bring it back.  
“I want food,” you groan, feeling weaker by the second. The man pays you no mind, of course. He keeps running as fast as his feet will carry him. You wonder where he’s taking you. Wherever it is, you doubt it’s anywhere good. It seems like Dr. Garaki isn’t the only crazy bastard in this world.  
So, you escaped. Only to be captured by yet another maniac. 
And to think that this is only your first day of living.  
“It’s going to be okay,” the man reassures, laughing in a shaky, deranged manner. “You’ll see. The two of us... we’ll be happy together. I’ll take care of you and give you everything you want.”  
“...is that so? And here I was, thinking that you’d kidnapped the poor girl.”  
Another man’s voice. It’s deep, but soft, and it catches you completely by surprise, since you were convinced that no one else was anywhere near you.  
The man who kidnapped you cries out, but it’s too late. Something tough and sturdy wraps around his body and immobilizes him, and in the next moment, your feet are resting comfortably on the ground, right where they ought to be.  
You look up at your savior, who has pale skin, long disheveled black hair, and a lethargic yet stern expression.  
His name is Aizawa Shouta, and he will change the course of your life forever.  
“I’ll never understand what goes through the minds of sickos like you,” Aizawa mutters. 
“I-I wasn’t doing anything wrong!” the other man frantically protests. He’s bound by some weird kind of cloth, and it’s safe to say that he isn’t going anywhere. “We were just enjoying a nice day out, and she was getting a bit rowdy, that’s all. I was bringing her home so that she could calm down! Isn’t that right?” 
He looks over at you expectantly, perhaps hoping that you’ll help him get out of this sticky situation. 
But just because you’re more ignorant than the average person doesn’t mean you’re stupid.  
It's obvious that he’s a bad guy, just like Dr. Garaki.  
“I only met you a few minutes ago,” you say. “And you promised me food but got angry when I wanted to go inside one of the buildings. You grabbed me and forced me to go with you, even though I didn’t want to.”  
Aizawa narrows his eyes, and the man chuckles nervously in response. “Sh-She’s always such a joker. Come on, don’t be that way. You’re going to get your old man in trouble.”  
“Nice try,” Aizawa comments insincerely. “But I’m afraid there’s only one place for creeps like you.”  
The man wails out in protest yet again, but all his pleas fall on deaf ears. It looks like he’s in a lot of trouble. You’re not sure where he’s being sent to, but it probably isn’t someplace nice.  
Aizawa grips onto the cloths tightly, but finally spares you a proper glance. “More importantly, are you okay, kid? That must’ve given you a fright. Everything’s fine now. You’re safe.”  
You frown. Can you really trust him? It’s only been a few hours since you’ve awoken, but so far, your experience with people has been disappointing to say the least. You’re starting to realize that you have to be more on guard. There’s no telling what someone will do next.  
“Who are you?” you ask. “What if you try to hurt me, too?”  
Aizawa smiles sympathetically. “Yes, I understand why you might feel that way. But I promise I’m different from this dirtbag. I’m a hero. Protecting people is what I do. That much, I can promise you.”  
A hero. For some reason, the word evokes a strong feeling.  
Kill heroes. Kill heroes. Kill heroes.  
You wince. That voice in the back of your head is acting up again, making you feel all jumbled up and icky inside. It’s the same voice that was commanding you to obey Dr. Garaki. The voice that you instinctively know you can’t trust.  
But much like before, you manage to fight against it. You shove it to the back of your mind and disregard what it has to say.  
The man in front of you says he’s a hero, and apparently, heroes are supposed to help people. It’s possible that he’s lying. It’s possible that you’re being set up for disappointment again.  
But you decide to give him a chance. 
“I’m Aizawa,” he introduces.  
“I’m [Name],” you say. Even if Dr. Garaki was the one to give you this name, it’s yours now, and you are determined to cherish it. 
Aizawa nods, offers you a small smile, then reaches out to you.  
You take his hand. 
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overrboarrd · 1 day ago
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CRACKS IN THE PAINT [ from scratch series pt. i ]
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a/n: been sitting in this for a day or so, decided to go ahead and post it instead of sulking. this is a really short series that’s based off of my IDR one shot from a while ago. feel free to read that if you’d like, but I’m probably gonna rework it and incorporate it into one of the parts of this series. anywho, i missed y'all, and i hope you enjoy reading <3.
“I know that we got some problems, I’m done trying fix them all
I’m sorry that it hurts sometimes and I’m sorry that we hit this wall”
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The roar of the crowd reverberated through the packed arena, a wall of sound that should have fueled Joe’s adrenaline, but instead, it was background noise to the sharp, nagging ache in his shoulder. He pulled himself to his feet, his chest heaving as he glared across the ring at his opponent.
Carmelo Hayes was good. Younger, quicker, hungry for a win against someone like Joe—or Roman—an established name, a veteran. The kind of win that could launch his career.
The match had been a battle of strength versus agility, with Joe trying to ground the younger man while Melo darted around the ring, countering holds and springing off the ropes with relentless energy.
The injury had happened in the first ten minutes. A suplex—a move Joe could execute in his sleep—went wrong. Carmelo had been slippery, and Joe’s grip slipped just slightly, throwing off the balance. When they both hit the mat, Joe’s left shoulder took the brunt of the impact.
Pain flared instantly, hot and sharp, but he grit his teeth and powered through. Quitting wasn’t an option, not with a title defense in a few weeks. Joe wasn’t just fighting his opponent—he was fighting his own body, his reputation, the creeping whispers that maybe he wasn’t as invincible as he used to be.
As the minutes dragged on, the pain gnawed at him. Every time he rolled his shoulder to prepare for a move, it bit back, slowing him down. Melo noticed, capitalizing on the weakness with a series of armbars and submission attempts that had the crowd on the edge of their seats.
But Joe was a strategist, and his experience came through in the end. He caught the younger wrestler mid-flight as he attempted a diving crossbody, slamming him down with a thunderous spinebuster that shook the ring. The three-count followed seconds later.
The referee raised Joe’s hand in victory, and the crowd erupted, their chants echoing in the rafters. Joe barely registered the noise. His shoulder throbbed with every pulse of his heartbeat, and the rush of adrenaline that had carried him through the match was already beginning to fade.
He rolled his shoulder experimentally as he stepped out of the ring, wincing as the pain flared again. He hated injuries—not just for the inconvenience, but for the reminder that his body wasn’t infallible.
Back in the locker room, Joe sat heavily on a bench, the weight of exhaustion settling over him, the ache in his shoulder a dull roar now that the crowd noise was gone.
He stretched tentatively, testing his range of motion, and hissed through clenched teeth.
“Damn,” he muttered, the word sharp in the empty room.
His phone buzzed on the bench beside him, and he picked it up, squinting at the message on the screen. It was from his trainer, Ron.
“Saw that suplex tonight, dawg. I already know something’s wrong with your shoulder. I’m out for the next two weeks, but I got someone who can cover. Personal referral—I see her myself. Her name’s Camille. She’ll be at Architect tomorrow at 10.”
Joe’s brow furrowed as he reread the message. The name hit him like a slap. His grip tightened around the phone, his knuckles turning white.
Camille.
It couldn’t be her.
It was a common name—there had to be hundreds of trainers named Camille. But the uneasy knot forming in his stomach said otherwise. He didn’t even need to see her last name to know.
The memories hit him like a freight train: the sound of her laughter, the way her eyes lit up when she talked about something she loved, the weight of the engagement ring he’d once slipped onto her finger.
And then, the hollowness of silence. The unanswered calls. The empty space in his bed, in his life.
Joe tossed the phone onto the bench, running a hand down his face. He shouldn’t care. It had been years—enough time to move on. To forget. And mostly, he had. His life was full of noise, routines, and victories in and out of the ring.
But Camille had been the one person who had broken through his walls, made him feel something more than stoic responsibility and relentless ambition. She’d made him want things he never thought he’d want.
Then she left.
Shaking his head, he stood and grabbed his bag, ignoring the throbbing in his shoulder.
There was no way it was her. But even if it was, he wasn’t the same man she’d ghosted all those years ago.
And he wasn’t about to let her back in.
┄┄┄┄┄
The air in the fitness clinic was filled with the rhythmic hum of treadmills and the faint melodies of therapeutic music. Joe stepped through the glass doors, his presence immediately commanding attention. At 6’3, his broad shoulders and carved frame made him impossible to miss, even in a crowd of recovering professional athletes.
The front desk attendant glanced up with wide eyes. "Mr. Anoa’i, welcome. You’re scheduled for a session in studio two."
He nodded curtly, muttering a quick thanks before heading down the polished floor toward the private training studio. His left shoulder throbbed with every step, a constant reminder of why he was here.
Inside studio two, the setup was professional but intimate. A padded floor, resistance bands, free weights, and a mirrored wall gave the space a focused energy. Joe barely had a moment to take it in before the door swung open.
Dark curls framed her face, falling right above her shoulders, and even from a short distance, Joe recognized the confident stance. His stomach knotted as his steps faltered.
It’s her.
Camille looked up, her deep brown eyes locking onto his. For a second, her confident demeanor flickered. She blinked, caught off guard, before quickly composing herself.
“Joe.” Her voice was steady, but the way her grip tightened on the clipboard betrayed her nerves.
Joe froze, his hand tightening around the strap of his bag. The air between them seemed to shift, charged with the weight of unspoken words and unresolved history.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” he responded flatly, his tone edged with disbelief. His eyes narrowed, studying her like she was a ghost. 
Camille shifted her weight, forcing a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Ron didn’t mention I’d be covering for him?”
“Ron mentioned a Camille,” Joe said, dropping his bag to the floor with more force than necessary. “But I didn’t think he meant you.”
She straightened her shoulders, meeting his gaze head-on. “Well, here I am.”
The silence between them grew heavier with each passing second. Joe’s jaw clenched, his expression a carefully constructed wall, but beneath it, a tide of frustration and hurt threatened to break through, emotions he’d worked hard to bury and now struggled to contain.
Camille broke first, her voice softening as she tried to explain. “Look, I didn’t know it was you until I saw your file this morning. If I had—”
“What?” Joe cut her off, his voice a low growl that carried the weight of barely restrained anger. “You wouldn’t have taken the job?”
She faltered, the words dying on her lips. “I—”
“Save it,” he snapped, turning sharply away and gripping the edge of the treatment table so hard his knuckles turned white. His shoulders tensed, the strain evident even in his injured arm.
Camille’s jaw tightened, her voice firm despite the crackling tension. “I’m here to do my job, Joe. Whether you like it or not, your shoulder needs attention, and I’m the one qualified to help you right now.”
Joe’s laugh was cold and humorless as he turned his head just enough to glance at her. “Yeah? Shame you weren’t this dedicated when it came to anything else.”
The jab was as sharp as a blade, and Camille’s breath hitched, but her resolve didn’t waver. “I’m not here to rehash the past. You need a trainer, and I need to do my job. That’s it.”
Their gazes locked, the air between them heavy with tension. Joe’s eyes bore into hers, sharp and unforgiving, as if daring her to break under the weight of his words. The silence stretched, loaded with the things neither dared to say.
Joe’s jaw worked as he stared past her, a muscle ticking in his temple. He wanted to argue, to throw another barb, but the sharp throb in his shoulder had grown impossible to ignore. Pride battled practicality in his mind, and practicality begrudgingly won.
Finally, he exhaled sharply. “Fine,” he muttered, his voice tight. “Let’s get this over with.” 
Shrugging off his jacket with a grimace, he sat on the padded bench. Camille approached slowly, her movements precise, but there was a slight hesitation in her step, like she was bracing herself for another verbal jab. When she stopped in front of him, her smaller frame seemed even more diminutive against his broad shoulders, but her presence was anything but timid.
She reached for his injured arm, her hands brushing his skin as she lifted it carefully. Warm. Steady. Joe tensed on instinct, his muscles coiled tight.
“How bad is the pain?” she asked, her tone even, professional.
“Manageable,” he replied curtly.
Camille’s lips pressed into a thin line, and she rolled her eyes faintly, though her touch remained gentle. “Let me know if this hurts,” she murmured, as though the earlier tension hadn’t existed.
Her fingers moved with practiced care, probing the joint. Joe felt the warmth of her hands against his skin, soft but firm, and something about it threw him off balance in a way the injury never could. He clenched his jaw, refusing to flinch as she tested his range of motion.
“This is as far as it goes,” he said gruffly, halting her midway.
Camille paused, glancing up. Her brow furrowed, but she didn’t push. Instead, she gently rotated his shoulder, her touch light but unrelenting.
“It’s definitely inflamed,” she murmured, more to herself than to him. “You’re lucky it’s not dislocated. When did this happen?”
“Last night. Bad landing on a suplex,” he muttered.
Her hands stilled for a moment, and she sighed. “You should’ve iced it immediately. Adrenaline or not, you know better than to let it go untreated.”
Joe’s eyes flicked to hers, narrowing slightly. “I’ve managed worse.”
Camille didn’t rise to the bait this time. Instead, she set her jaw and resumed her examination, her fingers moving with measured care along the taut lines of his shoulder. “You don’t have to prove anything by pushing through injuries,” she said softly, her voice a touch gentler now.
The words hit deeper than Joe wanted to admit, scraping against something raw, something he’d locked away the day she walked out of his life.  His eyes darkened, and his mouth opened as if to retort, but he stopped himself. Instead, he shook his head, his tone clipped. “Just do what you need to do.”
She studied him for a moment longer, her gaze unreadable, before giving a small nod. As she guided him through a few light stretches, her focus didn’t waver. Her hands were precise, her instructions clear.
And despite himself, Joe couldn’t help but notice the way her touch lingered just long enough to reassure but not overstep, the way her voice softened slightly when she asked if the stretch was too much.
The frustration simmered just beneath the surface, but it wasn’t directed solely at her. It was at the entire situation—at how her presence felt both an irritation and a strange kind of balm.
He hated that he noticed.
When the session ended, Camille stepped back, folding her arms as she regarded him. “You’ll need a few weeks of rehab if you want to avoid a tear. No wrestling until you’re clear-.”
He snorted, the sound bitter. “Not an option.”
Camille frowned. “Then you’re risking permanent damage.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time,” he countered dryly, shrugging his jacket back on with a wince he tried to hide. 
She hesitated, then crossed the room to block his path, her voice softening. “Joe, I mean it. I know you think you’re invincible, but you’re not. You have to take care of yourself.”
He stared down at her, the weight of her gaze pressing into him like a challenge he wasn’t ready to face. Every shift of her eyes, every trace of concern in her voice, cut deeper than the pain in his shoulder. It was a reminder of everything they’d lost—and everything he’d buried.
The air between them crackled, thick with the unspoken. He could feel the tension radiating off him like heat, but still, he stepped around her, his movements sharp.
“Same time tomorrow?” His voice was strained, betraying none of the turmoil swirling beneath the surface.
“Yeah. Tomorrow,” she replied, her voice steady, though it held a thread of something else—something he wasn’t sure he wanted to untangle.
Joe didn’t wait for her to say more. Turning quickly, he headed for the door, his hand gripping the handle as if it could steady him.
The cool air hit him as he stepped outside, but it did little to calm the fire in his chest. His car loomed in the parking lot, a refuge of silence. He slid into the driver’s seat, the familiar scent of leather and stale air offering no comfort this time.
Seeing her again was like reopening an old wound, the pain sharp and immediate. But it wasn’t just the hurt that clawed at him. Beneath the anger and betrayal, there was something else—something he hated himself for still feeling.
She’d ghosted him, left him standing in the wreckage of what could’ve been. He’d told himself he was done, that he didn’t care anymore. And yet, the sound of her voice, the stubborn set of her jaw, the way she said his name—all of it brought the past rushing back.
As he slid into the driver’s seat, his hands gripped the steering wheel, knuckles white. He’d survived heartbreak before. He’d survived injuries, grueling matches, and setbacks. But this? This felt like a different kind of test.
“Tomorrow,” he muttered to no one, the word tasting bitter in his mouth as he started the engine. His jaw clenched as he pulled out of the parking lot, the flicker of something he refused to name burning low in his chest.
Something that scared him more than any injury ever could.
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wraithdance · 2 days ago
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I got tagged in an ask regarding what happened in the fandom during kinktober and I've been trying to figure out how to address the questions I've been getting for the last few weeks and I'm just gonna rip the bandaid off and give yall my thoughts
To be completely and utterly honest, I really don't care anymore about anything related to fandom meta especially racism in fandom and I probably won’t ever talk about it again on this blog.
I think I've said enough and given others a platform to share how they felt about feeling otherized within the community and that’s enough for me.
I love, and will always love discussing diversity and social issues in media/literature as it’s literally my career and academic focus, but to be frank, I don’t think this is the appropriate platform for me to continue to ‘educate’ or speak my thoughts about the subject considering the racial majority of the call of duty fandom.
That’s not me being shady or saying I have an issue with white people, it’s just an acknowledgement that for many people the subject of racial hierarchies and prejudice showing up in fanfiction is brand new and requires a lot of information to truly understand (and a willingness to be uncomfortable).
Providing resources and even calling things out takes a lot of emotional energy and patience that I’ve personally lost since the results of the election.
It also leaves not only me, but everyone who looks like me, open to harassment and abuse from people who are scared to confront the issues in their favorite hobbies and fics.
In short, I’m apathetic and I really don’t give a fuck what goes on here and I barely care about these characters anymore because of the experiences I’ve had or witnessed in the last six months. So going forward please don’t get offended if I ignore fandom issues or refuse to speak on a topic.
This isn’t drama to me it’s my life and I’m not Rosa parks or a representative of black or poc people so I’m opting out of any future conversations for the time being. Thank yall for understanding and I apologize if this feels callous, I just truly want to prioritize my own happiness :(
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velvetvexations · 2 days ago
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___ is really just proudly admitting to sexually harassing intersex people now. (None of the people she harassed are "AFAB trans women" anyway, that's just what she assumes any intersex person is if they won't tell her what's in their pants)
I promise you that if I talk about her she's just going to jerk off about it, she has no audience relative to major TRFs like apricot-aligator, the best thing to do is block and try to forget her.
TRFs really do an AMAZING job of proving that radfem bullshit and manosphere bullshit are basically exactly the same worldview taken to SLIGHTLY different conclusions Like it's always been like that but when you get people unironically saying shit like "women are allowed to wear pants now so TEE EMM EEs aren't oppressed at all anymore but maybe they should be because of all the power that being able to give birth inherently gives them, cisfeminism has gone too far smh, femoids AFABs don't deserve rights actually" and "oh so you're saying I can just exist without either hurting women or becoming their loyal knight? That women can speak for themselves without me!? That I could even be HURT by a pathetic, weak, delicate little WOMAN!? You're saying I'm not a real man!? How DARE!! Get behind me, milady, I'll protect you from this foul ruffian who would speak such cruel blasphemy!" and calling these super progressive intersectional transfeminist things to say it really does make it all that much more obvious
it's really funny they have a new hobby calling transandrophobia Nazism "reactionary" ain't it
TRF transmascs after headcanoning the flavour of the month as transfem and putting TME in their bios: Alright that’s enough activism for now 👍
I owe them so much.
>see someone post a funny joke including trans men >check the comments >people somehow instantly joking about how transandophobia isn’t real and is made up by delusional women Why. It literally wasn’t even related I’m gonna scream
I'm sorry anon. <3
I'm so incredibly frustrated about the whole "transandrophobia isn't real" stuff because I can literally be like "A lot of trans and queer spaces, especially with younger people, see masculinity as inherently bad an actively discourage it and that's bad for trans men since masculinity is what most are transitioning towards" and get the answer of "so you hate trans women" if I use the words transandrophobia or anti-transmasculinity
So you hate trans women?
“No one is immune to being reactionary or insecure. If you have a reactionary gut response to what is to you a new form of progressive politics, that’s something to meditate on and unpack on your own terms.” Sometimes people disagree after thinking about it. This is not a difficult concept to understand.
No, it's transmisogynistic to breathe without a trans woman's permission, actually.
wild how a lot of the "trans-androphibia isnt real" boils down to "in My experience You haven't had this happen to you
lmao fr
I think it’s so funny when TRF people think being socialized into a gender is passively just looking at one of your parents and how they do the gender and if you happen to be looking at the parent who’s the opposite gender, you’re gonna be picking up that gender and be forever trans. When in actuality, both parents are going to be socializing you by showing how both genders act and literally TELLING you how both genders act. My mother told me men don’t cry, my father told me girls are more smarter. My mother told me girls are more sensitive, my father told me men must never show weakness. Socialization can be passive but unless your parents were neglecting you, it’s not ONLY passive and it’s never ONLY one gender. And sometimes, the socialization doesn’t even work.
Yeah TRFs are very confused by the concept of socialization because they heard how TERFs use it and just fully noped out of the entire concept because they're not clever enough to understand that TERFs wildly distort things to be worse than they are. It's amazing TERFs haven't convinced them to detransition because they seem to believe nearly everything they say.
The person who initially did the bomb threat against transmascs being a tankie is hilarious. Somehow idolizing powerful cis men who caused millions of deaths are a-okay but trans men? Yeah, die.
they just don't like trans men and kulaks ig
you're marked red on shinigami-eyes this extension really fell off the more people started using it fbjhgffd
moderation is also actively shit lol
‘it is bad to hate someone for an aspect of their identity they cannot control’ does not stop being true when the person is a cis man. what in the fucking world is happening. systemic oppression aside it is still fucking mean to hate someone for something they cannot control
eyyyup
saw a post about how hating trans men makes you transphobic and immediately saw someone in the notes saying its not transphobic when *i* do it because i have a fear of men and that includes trans men. hello?
(post about hating trans men being transphobic pt2) the direct quote from it is actually worse holy shit "the only reason im not considered transphobic is because i actually have a minor fear of men and that includes trans men. any other reason for hating trans men that isnt trauma or phobias is transphobia!!" this makes me feel really good about being a trans man and i feel very validated because people being afraid of me means im a real boy /sar
they should go hide in a hole somewhere while the rest of us get this activism thing done
in what capacity did jkr turn to terfism about trans men first? what do you mean by that?
the first thing that ever triggered her was trans men getting SRS, hating trans women came after
LBR the "only trans women get predatorjacketed and have spurious harassment campaigns against them" crowd has only ever been fucking disingenious b/c when predatorjacketing and harassment was happening primarily towards (mostly neurodivergent) cis women and transmascs online, they all said we were "too online" and "cared too much about fandom drama". I haven't trusted a single one of these motherfuckers since 2018 when they aggressively whitewashed the harassment me and my friends got from anti-shippers because "why are you arguing about cartoons with children online". And they do it to this day! Literally any time anyone goes "we tried telling you when antis were using all these strategies against us" they go "how dare you compare MY LIVED EXPERIENCE to FANDOM INFIGHTING" like people weren't getting spammed with accusations of being child molesters for years.
Yeah, all of that sucks too, and I'm so sorry.
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c4t1l1n4 · 3 months ago
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It’s so annoying trying to read xreader as an AroAce. Like, I don’t want to fuck Loki of Asgard, I want to be his friend.
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olasketches · 4 months ago
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so because we have only three chapters left, I’ve decided that I’m going to wait for the official release instead of going through the leaks as I’ve been doing for… almost the past 2 years. I don’t want the leaks and the fandom discourse to ruin my last experience with jjk as a still ongoing manga… plus I thought it would be more fun and enjoyable this way... more special ig (I’m being so sappy ik) wish me luck guys!!
#Plus I want to know what it feels like to read a jjk chapter without the leakers’ wonky translation and shitty panels quality#also… I’m soooooo tired of the discourse I’m genuinely over it.#I’m trying really hard to avoid it and just enjoy the chapters#cause even if I had my own doubts (that expressed here) about certain things#they were more or less later addressed in the next couple of chapters#so at this point I’m like ok I still don’t know what to expect or how gege is going to tackle all of it.#I have more questions than answers regarding characters like sukuna yuuji or megumi.#yes I loved sukuna’s conclusion and no idk how certain his ending it is as everything about it felt quite vague and unclear.#so yes I’m happy but I’m also open to whatever gege has planned for the last three chapters…#and basically whatever. just you do you gege I really don’t know what to expect. AT ALL.#all I know is that I want to let gege finish his story so I could have a full picture in mind#I’m tired of reading and going through assumptions criticism about new released chapters#while knowing that there are still more (now just three) chapters left#this was basically my whole jjk fandom experience after EVERY new chapter “this is bad and doesn’t make sense” like…#the story is not even finished yet 😭#I just want gege to finish the manga and then we can talk about what went well or what went wrong… and all#but in the meantime I just want to enjoy the story for as long as I can#that’s all#jjk#personal
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itspileofgoodthings · 3 months ago
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I go off about Catholic/christian religious influencers of all kinds and I do so for many reasons but one of the main ones is just. the feeling they’re selling (and it is a feeling and they’re selling it, even if just for views) it doesn’t feel like that for everyone. That whole simplistic set-up of struggle struggle struggle, breakthrough, clarity, emotional peace, tears streaming down the face. That’s not real. Or at least it’s not real much of the time in MANY cases and even when it is real that isn’t the only part or the most important part of having a relationship with God. It’s probably the least important part, the feeling. and so it fills me with RAGE when the emotional part of religion is sold and packaged and paraded and presented on Instagram as “inspiration”! it distorts the whole reality of a relationship with God and puts a literal and figurative Instagram filter over the whole thing.
#I mean. pray in silence where your Father who is in Heaven can see you. like??????#I’m sure I’m getting the direct reference wrong but.#anyways it just bugs me so much because I’m a highly emotional and intense person and religious experiences just aren’t like that for me#and faith isn’t like that for me. and it just isn’t this soft-hearted feel-good thing all the time!!!!!!!! most of the time it isn’t#and it makes me feel sooooooo bad and awful when some Instagram influencer with woman femininity or grace in her handle#shows up in my feed ready to talk about the waters that the Lord has led her through#like I can’t even begin to articulate my own journey with God#nor do I feel compelled to do so. but seeing other people do it makes me feel so instantly awful and alienated#and …. grubby#it makes me feel grubby because I am not seeing the world through soft pastels and lens flares#and because I don’t experience God’s love for me as a feeling#never have probably never WILL#and it’s just upsetting and maddening and I think it’s so bad for the culture#also I’ve started reading a little bit of st. Francis de sales every night#much against my will at first because pretty much all spiritual reading makes me bristle and makes me anxious#but honestly it’s been so good and he finds that kind of insta-influencing DEAD#because it isn’t fake and it isn’t performative and it is practical#and generally it’s realistic and hopeful and simple#anyway just ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. I have so many feelings about this
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boag · 1 year ago
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Help💀
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jalboyhenthusiast · 2 months ago
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#so anyway i’m on a train and this is my quick recap#of what i’ve been up to the last year#firstly i found out i have adhd because i was so burnt out and anxious i was sent to the hospital with a suspected heart attack lol#which they’re currently looking into to see if i have any heart problems or just anxiety 24/7 🙃#either way it’s been a great explanation for why i find everything so difficult everyday when i didn’t even know i was finding it hard 😐#my mum also almost died which was very much not fun and a little traumatising#i also can’t remember if i mentioned this before i disappeared (i must have) but i bought my own flat here in london which was my lifes goal#and i’ve spent the last like 8 months renovating to my own taste#it’s been a crazy and overwhelming experience doing all#of this by myself#but nether the less she persisted !!!!#and i’m finally in!!!#living alone? would highly recommend#and lastly this genocide has broken my heart completely and disrupted my ability to enjoy a lot of things and was why i wouldn’t bring#myself to come on here and talk about things that really didn’t matter in comparison#i have a friend directly effected and i feel v personally effected as someone who is west asian/muslim#so yeah it’s been difficult#and then the liam news hit me like a truck#it’s just been a Time#and the months slipped away from me like water#the only good thing that’s happened i guess is that i discovered sleep token this year and they immediately became my favourite band#i’m seeing them next month and have had them on repeat non stop#so apologies in advance for turning into a sleep token blog lol
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ink-the-squid-gremlin · 11 months ago
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Endouma is a terrible ship, and here is why.
‼️WARNING‼️: Post not only contains semi spoilers for KNY, but it also contains mentions of things like suicide, depression and noncon/sexual assault. If you are uncomfortable with those topics, please refrain from reading.
TLDR: Enmu and Douma are not compatible with each other because that ship is mostly built up on fetished MLM tropes, overly sexualized versions of the characters and the romanticization of SA.
(God, I feel like I have been posting nothing but hot takes on this account as of late. I promise I will go back to posting art, cosplays, and more just chill stuff after this.)
Enmu and Douma are not characters that should not be shipped together, for multiple reasons. Starting off, THEY ARE NOTHING ALIKE!!!! I don’t know where or how it was decided that they were alike, or that Enmu is “Douma 2.0”, but it makes no sense. While both are meant to be irredeemable monsters, Enmu was an irredeemable monster from the get go. From what we know about his backstory, he knew he was scamming people and targeting the weak and vulnerable for it. Douma’s backstory goes a bit more in depth and explains that he was put into the role of “all mighty god” as a child, which lead to the power of it going to his head as he grew up. Douma was still an impressionable child who was failed by the adults around him, and as he grew up he took on some of those same traits as the adults he was surrounded by. The bottom line is this: Douma, while a shitty person, still has some way to sympathize with him, Enmu does not, and thats just on the story side of things.
Enmu and Douma also share nothing in common personality wise. On face value, they may kinda act similar (i.e how they talk (sorta)) but it really just stops there. Enmu ultimately had a goal to kill Tanjiro and gain more blood from Muzan so he could climb the ranks of the demon hierarchy. He wanted to gain more power and to overthrow one of the upper moons for the sake of power. He doesn’t care how many people he has to torment, hurt or kill, as long as he has spot in power, he is happy, hell, he literally has vulnerable and even sick children do his dirty work! Enmu is a sick and twisted individual and he prides himself on that. Douma on the other hand put on the happy and up beat facade to hide that he knows he was failed. Douma is aware he was failed as a human, and so he decided to fail his followers by being the embodiment of false hope. He plays into the false icon lifestyle by pretending to be hopeful and happy around his followers and even the other demons to an extent. He doesn’t care so much about power, rather he cares more about control. Douma keeps up his false religion persona to keep control over his followers. He knows he’s failing them, but he doesn’t want to lose the control he has over them.
Now onto the elephant in the room: the mischaracterization I’ve seen of both of them in the Endouma ship. In both fanart and fanfics I’ve seen and read (well more so forced down my throat since thats all I’ve seen with Enmu in recent times) both Enmu and Douma are mischaracterized to high hell just so we as the reader/viewer will feel pity for them. I’ve seen more of this with Enmu, in that all the stuff that made him unique from the other KNY demons is stripped away so his “savior boyfriend” Douma can comfort him and coddle him. Now, writing an AU is one thing, but if you’re just going to make content of the ship with the characters as they are in the series, then their actual personalities should be honored or at the very least acknowledged.
Going more in depth about the mischaracterizing I’ve been seeing with Enmu, almost all (ALMOST all, not all in general) Endouma content I’ve seen have made him either a depressed and anxious baby that Douma is meant to coddle, or an overly fetishized hyper feminine man thats there simply for sexual reasons. It just goes against their roles in the story of KNY.
Going off of the hyper feminine man mischaracterization of Enmu I’ve seen in regards to the Endouma ship, having him be pretty much a “femboy” not only contradicts him as a character, but it also is pushing toxic heteronormativity on a queer relationship. Making Enmu essentially the “woman”, while putting toxic heteronormativity in a very much MLM ship, it also just boils him down to a sex object and nothing else. Now, I will not say that portraying Enmu as a very sexual and even gross character is wrong, because there were plenty of scenes in KNY of him that had very sexual and perverted undertones, but that is what they were, undertones. There is more to his character than just the sexual undertones he has (as I stated earlier when describing him), and by boiling him down to a “sex doll” for Douma just kind of shows that there wasn’t much of an understanding of his character while making the ship art or a fic. He is much more than a sex object.
Moving onto the mischaracterization I’ve seen of Douma, while not nearly as bad as Enmu, it still feels very off from his character. Making Douma someone who GENUINELY cares for another person is also very contradictory to how he acts in the series. He is someone who cares very little for anyone he comes to meet, whether it be his followers or other demons. Now you may be asking “but, Ink! Douma saw Daki and Gyutaro when they were on the verge of death and decided to save them!” Which is exactly what I am talking about. The only reason he “saved” them was to keep up his facade of a savior and to get himself “brownie points” (for lac of a better term) so his public appearance would look good. Because he cared very little for Daki and Gyutaro, it shows that he only cares about looking like a good person and nothing else. Portraying him as essentially “Enmu’s therapist” that coddles him and such just feels weird. Douma has no emotional connections to anyone, so why would he have an enmotional connection to a demon that is considered lower than him?
Now similar to what I said about Enmu earlier, Douma is also much more than a sex obsessed pervert. Douma being portrayed as basically a male nymphomaniac in the Endouma ship is a very strange way to portray his character. Yes, he may have been fine with letting women seek refuge in his temple, but again, it was to make him seem and look like a good person. We should all know, or at least have the understanding that Douma is literally a woman eater. The women he houses in his temple ultimately have the fate of being nothing more than food. Viewing his reason for taking in women as something sexually driven is a complete misunderstanding of his actions. This misunderstanding of Douma paired with the sexual misunderstanding of Enmu not only creates a toxic relationship, but it also fetishizes and sexualizes MLM pairings. This is something I’ve noticed more in Endouma art, but a lot of it that I have seen feels very fetish-y. I can’t go too in-depth about this aspect, as I am a queer woman, but the way the ship is portrayed in a lot of the art I have seen of it feels as though it is pandering to the appeal of yaoi obsessed straight girls. While yaoi has been a term used for decades to refer to MLM based pairings in media like anime and manga, over the past couple of years, its meaning has become more based around fetishizing MLM pairings rather than just being about MLM pairings.
I now want to bring up something that I’ve seen associated with Endouma (and also the Enmuzan ship, but that is a topic for another time) that really makes me uncomfortable, and that is noncon and the romanization sexual assault. I don’t want to talk too much about this topic, as it is not only triggering for me, but it should also be common sense that fetishizing sexual assault is wrong. Again, this is more so something I have seen in artwork, but it seems almost normalized for Douma to be portrayed forcing himself onto Enmu. Now, I know you are all probably saying “Ink, if you don’t like it/are triggered by it, then don’t interact with it”, but when its all that has been made in regards to newer Enmu content as of late, and how people are hyping it up, its kind of hard to avoid. It makes me truly question just how many people really missed the point of their characters, and only focused on things like Enmu being more androgynous, and Douma being tall and muscular. In a general sense, if a ship is built on, or is popular from fetishized and romanticized sexual assault, it shouldn’t be a ship.
Finally, I just want to mention that these characters have NEVER once interacted in canon. I know that hasn’t stopped people from shipping characters before, but it’s just something I want bring up. (As well as the fact that the Upper Moon’s hate the Lower Moons)
I want to end off this post by saying that all of this is by no means targeted at a specific person, nor am I trying to say that my opinion is correct. I am just stating my own opinions and just stating observations I have made after being in the KNY/Enmu fanbase for nearly 4 years now. People are allowed to ship characters together (within reason) however they like, but just be aware of how it will look on your own part, and what views it may look like you have.
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beastking-golion · 10 days ago
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Did christian linke actually do anything wrong beyond saying he didn’t see jayvik as romantic or are you guys just losing your shit over a difference of opinion?
#dex rants#genuinely I can’t tell cause you guys are acting like he shot someone’s dog#seriously yall are saying his name like a curse or smthing#unless he actually did something wrong you gotta fuckin calm down#people are gonna disagree with you especially on something like this so what#unless he’s harassing people I don’t see the issue#however it seems like a lot of you guys are starting to harass people instead#I must ask is it really appropriate to turn someone into the enemy over something so harmless?#people view character relationships different all the time due in part to opinion and personal experience#personally I’m jayvik crazy I think of them as painfully annoyingly and frustratingly gay for each other however my friend sees them as an-#extension of his close friendships and how he’d go that far without any romance holding him to it#this doesn’t hurt me nor does it hurt him for feeling that way#but it does hurt to harass someone incessantly and twist words into daggers#you need to learn to move on#take a nice deep breath and say ‘we disagree’ and instead focus on enjoying yourself with the people who agree#christian linke#arcane#arcane spoilers#every year that passes I realize people are so quick to anger#often times they make themselves the most upset with their own feelings#it’s kinda frustrating liking popular mlm ships because so often people resort to arguing over actually enjoying themselves#jayvik I’m so sorry they’re doing this to you#and before you say ‘well what if you held this opinion on [serious matter]???’ we’re not talking about anything else we’re just talking-#about shipping okay?#different situations have different nuance#anyways I’m gonna go make a jayvik playlist and kick n my feet and giggle looking at these fuckin 30 year old men /gen
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clawsextended · 1 month ago
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in my perfect world everyone makes so many lesbian muses the men then have to deal with the exact same behavior when every single post ever written isn’t about dick.
#CLAWS RETRACTED.#[real talk: I’m a lesbian transmasc little enby guy. but my gender? is lesbian. it’s how I explain it. my attraction to women is a part of#my innate gender. that’s just how it is and the two things inform one another. heteronormativity is still so alive and now everyone can put#it under progressive little labels where the character is bisexual but everything that’s focused on for miles is the hetcoded shit. it’s a#cool little thing people do now. it went from when I was a kid and ‘there’s no such thing as bi you’re just confused’ to ‘everyone is bi#because it gives me points but I will never meaningfully observe the queer aspect of that identity and it can make me seem comfortable with#queer identities’. it’s lip service so much of the time. and I never ever ever say you’re only valid if you write bi characters in a#queercoded relationship. bisexuality is forever valid always even if you’ve NEVER been in a queer relationship. but this is writing and#real bisexual people (I’m not even bi I’m literally a lesbian) have experiences irl that make them feel shitty#when they see them boiled down to shallow. a lot in the same way I get upset when I see lesbian relationships brushed off or ignored in#spite of my own excitement toward the ship. MY POINT IS that lesbians are completely ignored by this point and I can say this both irl and#on here because when you live a life that excludes men from your romantic space you’re basically illegal. it drives me fucking insane. the#way anyone can make a fucking whitebread ass man on this site and their inbox will be exploding but you make a lesbian and you have to pad#quietly around because from jump you’re already worried about how people will perceive you and you KNOW they won’t be immediately welcoming.#this is an irl thing in such a big way and I’m a NEW YORKER. but the fact that this exists in the rpc? truly I miss when we just wrote and#enjoyed things and this wasn’t a cesspit of discourse instead of an actual creative community. like. I went to college to study boring#theses that couldn’t keep my attention. I slogged through litcrit theory. do I love it? yes. but some of yall really just wanna be on#debatebro YouTube and not in the actual rpc. it’s wild. everyone’s a philosopher but no one wants to meaningfully engage. and if they do#they want to in either bad faith or basically hardheaded ignorance about an issue. someone’s 2 seconds from rping destiny.#swear to fucking god if I see one person make an asm.ngold joke I will cry.]
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trying-to-jew · 6 months ago
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Deeply tired (but unsurprised) sigh
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j-esbian · 4 months ago
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i lost the post but i saw someone talking about how some of y’all act like being weird is a choice and like. YEAHHHHHHH.
that’s fine, it might be for you. but i just live like this and don’t know any other way. like yeah i’ve worked customer service, i can do innocuous small talk, but anything beyond that, i don’t understand what i’m missing. and it’s frustrating to see the tonal disconnect especially from people who are like “uwu embrace weirdness!!” where they’re like. dressing quirky and talking about bugs and listening to obscure music and eschewing small talk to ask Deep Questions on the first date and unlearning their tendency to not infodump. and generally have an idea of what Weirdness is supposed to look like. idk man some of us wake up and get out of bed and can’t figure out why the rest of their coworkers chitchat with each other but when they join the conversation it dies.
weirdness is value neutral. let’s stop trying to turn it into a badge because quite frankly, it’s not a choice for everyone. it’s fucking exhausting to never be on the same wavelength as other people and they’re going to react the way they do and label you the way they will without any conscious actions on your end. it’s difficult to talk about this without feeling like you’ll be dismissed as immature, a teenager whining “no one understands me” but the thing is. sometimes you don’t grow out of feeling alone and different, and there’s no good way to talk about it without feeling like people will think you’re just fishing for pity.
#most of it is stuff i can’t help like!!!#coworkers and i don’t share a lot of interests so i’m always like. yes i’ve heard of that show but haven’t seen it. no idk that band sorry#and they’ll like. talk shit abt other people who share my interests without realizing that i also like those things#so i just have to sit there and take it#i feel like i don’t have a lot in common with my friends even. a few shared interests but very different lives#in my experience the conscious choice has been to try to keep up with what’s popular but it’s just. not interesting to me#i got bored and forgot to finish s2 of stranger things and never picked it back up#even alt subcultures have gone kinda mainstream and i never quite slot in#let’s not even touch the gay culture ‘flags’ that are extremely online and unrelatablr#and the most frustrating thing. every time i try to talk about myself and my interests i feel people shutting down#one person i know. open mouth sighs in exasperation when i open my mouth#i don’t know why you’re making it my problem that we’re different#i know there is supposed to be a niche out there for everyone but some of that feels like#those niches are falling prey to marketability. if you’re too far out of the mainstream. too out of touch. it can’t be helped#a lot of messaging online is like. embrace weirdness but only if it’s subversive in a very specific way#too normal to hang out with self-proclaimed proud weirdos. too weird to hang out with normies#like i thought the thing was to disavow performativity. i’m sorry i don’t find the same things interesting#i don’t care about the office and you don’t care about the hundred years’ war. that’s fine. why is that seen as a personal fault of mine#i feel like some of the reaction i get might be bc it comes across as hipster shit. idk#i’m literally just oblivious and looking for any kind of indicator for social interaction#but so often it feels like the onus of finding common ground is on me. i have to listen abt things idk but no one cares what i have to say#i think what makes it more frustrating is this reaction from people who claim to not care. do their own thing#and then get annoyed when i do mine and it’s. different#instead of being like ‘fuck the mainstream! conformity is bullshit! be yourself!’ it’s like#‘fuck the mainstream because it doesn’t appeal to me personally and i’ve made my own club!’#and this is not going to come out right because i’m just at my limit and venting and don’t know how to say things the right way#so people don’t misunderstand me#i just happen to never like the Right Things and know the Right Things and act the Right Way and idk how else to say it other than#can we be more normal about weird people#idk it’s hard to talk abt this without sounding like i’m just complaining but i’m more bewildered and trying to state things as i see them
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