#and I won't see them ever again.
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kittlyns · 15 days ago
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#my papa was diagnosed w lung and colon cancer. and he's too frail to do anything about it. so he's essentially just going to slowly die#they're not sure how long it'll take. or how advanced the cancer is. but it's there. and it will take him.#my grandma is also descending into bad dementia from her multiple traumatic brain injuries#it's gotten noticeably worse this past month#she needs to stop driving but I'm the only person in the family w a driver's license who can get to her#so if anyone was to pick up the slack it would be me.#aside from literally not having time nor money for that. I don't know how to handle this sort of grief#I'm 26 but I haven't come to terms w the fact that there is a quickly approaching day#where I'm going to wake up and my grandparents aren't going to be around any more#and I won't see them ever again.#I know I shouldn't borrow grief. but how do you avoid it.#and my granddad too.#and I can't really discuss this with anyone else. my siblings should be the ones that I could unpack this with#but bc of the age gaps between most of us they have an entirely different relationship with these people than I do#I remember everything. picking my granddad up from the airport. him giving me tootsie rolls. crying when we dropped him back off.#going fishing w my papa. bringing the fish back and watching my grandma gut and filet them. building a sandbox with him.#shelling pecans w my grandma. watching court tv while she made breakfast. her trying and failing to teach me how to swim.#it's not fair that I'm going to be the only person who remembers those things. and that to some degree I already am.
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chanrizard · 1 year ago
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KCON LA 2022 ⁝⁝ YEAH
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solarpunkani · 1 year ago
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Psst, hey.
Hey you.
Come closer.
Listen to what I'm about to say good and well, alright?
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ancha-aus · 6 months ago
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RealAgeAU Drabble - Parentalbond Horror
*grinning* I am baaaaaaaack!! @spotaus get over here :D
So. I had the difficult choice on which drabble i wanted to write so For now I settled on this one because I haven't had the chance to write a drabble with Horror's pov since a while and that is a crime.
First Drabble here Prev Drabble here Next Drabble here
As always we go in unbeta'ed and unedited.
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Horror checks the windows again before turning back to the couch and seeing Nightmare just staring at him.
Horror tils his skull "sleep will be easier if you actually lay down...." And he looks pointedly at the couch.
Nightmare gains that stubborn glint in his sockets again as he huffs "I am fine. Not tired at all." he looks at the pile of bags in the corner of the room wishfully.
Horror has to keep his chuckling inside as he answers "Shame then that it is bedtime for young skeletons." And adult skeletons. Horror glances at the other three. All KO on the other couch, all still dressed in their normal clothes and none of them actually finished their meals.
Horror will have to pack up the leftovers. Make sure nothing goes to waste. But he will let them sleep for now and just make them eat a big breakfast. But all three had been running themselves ragged lately. Especially after the last encounter they had had with the Stars.
It meant they have been making more jumps and teleports and not going out as much to collect things to make it easier for them.
Horror walks over to them and puts one of the blankets in this apartment over them, he doesn't bother to try and pull them away from one another. The four of them always had the habit of sleeping in a pile and that habit only got worse once they started searching for Nightmare and reclaimed him.
Horror checks Ngihtmare's plate and smiles "You finished it all today." No wonder he is grumpier and more active than usual.
Nightmare pulls a face and crosses his arms. Horror walks over and nudges him at his shoudler "Sleep time." and he waits.
Nightmare grumbles more as he pushes the blankets and pillows around. Horror just crosses his arms as he waits. Nightmare huffs but lays his skull down on the pillow and glares at him.
Horror knows he is grinning but he is proud to say he doesn't actually snort or laugh at the grumpy face Nightmare is pulling. instead he moves closer slowly, the first week of watching Nightmare flinch at every movement and sound had been horrible, and puts the blanket over him as well.
Nightmare doesnt complain about it. Most likely becuase he just saw Horror do the same for the other three.
Horror nods and sits by him "Time to sleep." it is his turn to keep watch and he plans on taking ti seriously.
Nightmare huffs but just turns his face further into the pillow. Tiny body starting to relax with the simple comforts.
Horror tries to not be obvious as he keeps an eye on Nightmare.
Horror knows of course what is going on and he is trying to not give in. At least one of them should not give into the adopting.
Horror can admit he had been surprised that Dust was the first one to actually soul adopt Nightmare. Especially after only a week. It had been so fast and the transition between the before and after state had been so smoothly that Horror had honestly thought that Dust had done it on purpose and planned.
It would have made sense. Dust had been the one to find the book first and been the one to actually manage to get Nightmare back to them.
Only for it to become obvious that Dust had no idea what he had just done.
Soul adoption is a rather normal thing for monsters to do. Though in most universes they rarely happened as monsters don't tend to abandon children.
But well, Horror's AU had been one with starvation and a lot of fighting. People lost their lives in multiple ways. That meant quite a few orphans.
Soul adoption happened when an adult monster willingly took the role as caretaker for a younger monster who doesn't have a caretaker. There are a few more factors obviously but Horror doesn't know all of them of the top of his skull, especially not now with that hole in it.
What it comes down to? Nightmare is an orphan and has no one he could go to that could take care of them, and all of them know this. Dust found out first and surprisingly his soul was open enough to the idea to accept Nightmare as... well... his.
There are more hurdles in this situation of course. The fact that they Nightmare they knew was an adult, which is what Horror thinks is tripping up Cross. But Dust had been very quick with accepting that Nightmare is now a child and so immediantly treated him as one.
Killer took a bit longer but quickly fell into step as well. Calling Nightmare tiny boss and going from his right-hand-man to his babysitter, Killer's words not Horror's.
Horror is however a bit surprised that Killer also soul adopted Nightmare. In theory it shouldn't have happened as Nightmare at this time already had Dust as his caretaker and so technically didn't need one anymore.
Seems like Killer's soul didn't agree with that.
Horror can't say a lot about it though, seeing as he can feel it happening with himself as well. And he has no doubt that Cross is very close to giving into his own instincts and feelings concerning this as well.
The whole thing with their last interaction with the Stars is a very big give away. Even if Cross felt very embarresed by his own reaction.
At least Nightmare is no truly convinced that they won't harm him and will help him. Horror is happy they managed to get there and with it having only been a month since they took him with them. Horror can say they did a good job.
Nightmare has falled asleep.
Horror move slowly and silently and puts two fingers to the the side of his small belly and feels.
Horror may not have a lot of magic himself but his AU was left him with a very useful skill. Wiht how little food there was available and how little magic there was there came issues. One of the issues was that after a while the magic monsters had wasn't strong enough anymore to digest the food that the mosnters did manage to eat. meaning that even if the monster ate food they would not get any energy or new magic from it.
Meaing that even if they ate they would continue to starve.
Wiht how difficult it had been for Nightmare at first to eat or even remember to eat Horror had worried something simular may have happened. That being in the goop form had caused his own magic to grow too weak to be able to function fully.
But all Horror feels is the soft and quiet purr of NIghtmare's magic working hard to use the offered food to rebuild the babybones' small reserves.
Horror sighs a sigh or relieve and just watches Nightmare for a moment. Nightmare, having noticed the pressure on him, makes an unhappy sound and his socket flutters open to give him a sour look.
Horror chuckles as he whispers "I apologise." Horror is unsure how clear his answer is as Horror himself is purring like a loud law mower at this point.
Nightmare blinks at him, still looking like the tiniest little grumpy skeleton this multiverse has ever known, before closing his sockets again and turning on his side. surprisingly not away from the touch and light hold.
Horror watches the other. It is strange. They are all different yet Nightmare still has them all completely under his control. Yet it is in a completely different way and Ngihtmare now doesn't even seem to realise it.
Horror leans on the couch and watches their tiny charge just sleep. Horror had managed to keep the need to complete an adoption at bay by reminding himself that Nightmare already had a caretaker- well two and a half now, Horror is sure that all Cross still needs to complete the soul adoption is a tiny nudge. Horror thinks that Cross is jsut thinking too much about it and doubting his own instincts and feelings.
But that still leaves Horror, and what he wants to do. He figured that it would be better to at least keep one of them unbiased in this nature, just in case that Nightmare suddenly turns into an adult again. But the longer this went on the less likely it seemed to Horror.
Not to forget. Horror doesn't even think Nightmare wants to be an adult again. Not now that he is a child but doens't have to vigilent every moment of every day.
Does he technically already have caretakers? Yes. Does Horror still want to count himself as one? Yes.
So. He just picks for himself.
Horror moves slowly and quietly as he picks Nightmare up. Nightmare grumbles in his sleep at being moved but calms when his magic recognises Horror.
Horror gets comfortable on the couch and lays Nightmare on his sternum. He can still feel the tiny soul beat and pulse fast even through two shirts.
Horror pulls the blanket back over Nightmare and waits.
It doesn't take long as Horror can feel the slight pull on his magic and energy. Hardly noticable and Horror doubts that if he wasn't so paranoid about his own levels he would have noticed.
It is something tiny monsters do. To help stabalise and sharp their own magic they try to take tiny bits of their parents, or caretakers in this case, to help guide them. It all happens naturally.
Horror just holds the tiny babybones closer and feesl Ngihtmare's soul slowly start to match Horror's own soulbeat and he feels all the calmer.
Now it is pretty much done. Horror will have to probably deal with this decision one day but for now he is happy. Their tiny babybones is comfortable and everyone is resting. Tomorrow they will have to worry about getting supplies and where they can go and eventually where they will sleep that night.
But right now? Right now he doesn't have to worry about that. and all he ahs to worry about is that their babybones is comfortable and healing.
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dkettchen · 6 months ago
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#meme#homemade memes#cw dysphoria#trans#bones are stupid#cw dysphoria venting#waiting out current phase of transition changes to happen#(cause I got my dose raised again in april & am waiting for my next two surgeries & continuing tryna build muscle 😔)#hoping it'll get to a point eventually where the affirming bits are overpowering enough to ppl's perception#that I can dress the bits I can't change (like hips) in things that suit them#and do the whole embracing looking trans thing without worrying abt the misgendering#but alas I won't believe in my body's ability to do that until I see it#seeing as I still get lady-ed & unquestioningly she/her-ed 5 years into HRT + post two highly visible surgeries#+ fully dressed in men's clothes + sporting the shortest hair I've ever had -.-#cis ppl learn what transmascs look like & what that means for words you use on them challenge 2024- difficulty level: impossible apparently#I've had several ppl in the last few months that I literally TOLD I am trans/'it's he/him'/was clocked as trans by#who then STILL proceeded to misgender me anyway???#like what more can I do than literally straight up tell you????#I told a clinician who was looking at my knee the other month that I was trans (cause they always ask abt all meds n diagnoses)#and he misgendered me as a trans woman on his report like-#sir I am 5'4" and have a flat chest baby face and facial hair#and I was telling you abt how I've been on HRT for years and have had several Transgender Surgeries#you're a bone doctor you know how bones work and what their limitations are and you have functionning eyes#you should be able to put 2 and 2 together abt how this works even if you've never met a trans person holy fuck#(I wrote a complaint and they amended the report and sent me an apology meanwhile but still like- buddy wtf)
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jeannes-world · 3 days ago
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I'm not the one crying, you are.
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codacheetah · 4 months ago
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It's deeply important to me that Loop kind of sucks
#they are literally awesome but they do kinda suck. just a tad#mostly as in i keep thinking about lucabyte's comics. they are critical to me#i love isat's postcanon as a space to explore recovery and communication#but sometimes you kind of have to drag urself through glass to get there. sometimes the glass sticks in ur skin and makes u prickly#i think constantly about like. loop being surprised by siffrin's kindness if u choose to be nice to them in certain dialogue options.#remarking about how time has made them jaded more than he is#loop is fundamentally kind. but they are scantly ever 'nice'#i think if loop joins the party it's inevitable that they are going to make each other bristle up#loop has a difficult time with all of the party members. between the guilt and the loss and them just not being capital s Siffrin#and to the party who only knows loop from one interaction and siffrin's apparent care for them i think loop would come off. abrasive at bes#like. like i dont think loop would act the same with the party that they do siffrin. their mask is very Piss Siffrin Off specialized#but how much of ur persona is an act and how much of it is yourself. or whatever. loop wouldn't want to be mean to their friends sure#but it's much easier not to hurt if you wedge some distance. no better way to get that distance by being offputting. i think isabeau esp#would get the brunt of this. poor man#plus there's just hte general fact that like. nobody likes the feeling of talking to somebody who clearly knows too much about them. who#will never show their own cards. added with the fact that there's just an inherent strangeness w loop. where they have a relationship to#siffrin thru the loops that none of the party members will ever grasp (and in a way they cant even guess frankly!)#i just have a hard time seeing loop's assimilation into the party as going smooth and nice. you know. i think the party members would think#that loop kinda sucks a little. i think loop would let them think this. all of this being said this is not irreconcilable or permanent#but i like there to be growing pains for the party's expansion. i won't even get into nille bc this aint abt her but yah#the lucky thing loop is you made friends with a lot of really nice people who would being willing to get to know you again.#isat spoilers
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invinciblerodent · 15 days ago
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yyyyyyyyyyyyyyeah, I'm still not a fan of NPC/NPC romances.
the primary reason remains that they're something certain people really like to use as a vehicle to (implicitly or explicitly) shit on either people romancing one of the characters involved, or (slightly more explicitly) a character they don't like who can end up with their blorbo.
but, a secondary reason is also that they're almost always done in ways that make them feel uncomfortable to me.
that was... very awkward to watch, just now.
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aroaceleovaldez · 2 years ago
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Every description about Nico (especially the canon ones) describing him as “cold” can personally fight me. Nico is jaded, yes, and often closed-off and sometimes stand-offish and defensive but he is not "cold”. He cares SO SO SO MUCH about EVERYONE. He loves and cares with his entire heart constantly and that is a core part of his character. He doesn’t often make public shows of his affection but he takes care to be kind when it matters and doesn’t hide that he does care (usually, the only exception really being him being in the closet, but even then he only hid his crush specifically and not the fact that Percy is important to him). He fine with hugging his friends in front of a crowd and will sit with strangers at a campfire just so they’re not alone. I mean, heck, he���s an extrovert! We know this! He actively seeks out people and gets lonely very quickly and easily! If he can’t talk to living people he will chat with the dead! That’s how much he thrives on being social!
The only time Nico has ever been actively “cold” was the couple of months between TTC and BoTL when he was actively mourning Bianca. Nico is not “cold.” He loves so much and he does show it, just in his own way.
#pjo#riordanverse#nico di angelo#analysis#brought to you by: I saw a blurb for TSATS that said something like ''Will melted through Nico's icy heart/cold exterior''#and it made me want to tear something apart with my teeth because of how Blatantly Incorrect that is#like that is a disservice to both their characters.#a.) Will did not ''fix'' Nico or ''change'' him or anything. He is just a source of joy in Nico's life#TOA even explicitly acknowledges that them dating did not ''fix'' Nico and that Nico is actively getting outside help for his trauma/etc#and b.) Nico is not cold!!! He has never been a cold person!!! there's a reason ''emo'' is short for ''emotional!''#Nico's character is ENTIRELY DRIVEN BY LOVE AND CARE FOR OTHER PEOPLE#yes he's jaded but he's only jaded in a way of being afraid of letting people into his life because he's afraid to lose them#not that it stops him because it sure does keep happening anyways because SURPRISE. HE LOVES TOO MUCH.#HE LITERALLY CANNOT HELP HIMSELF HE LOVES PEOPLE SO STRONGLY AND SO DEEPLY HE CANNOT STAY JADED ABOUT IT#he just keeps going ''Okay *THIS* time I won't let this person into my life to risk heartbreak- AW FUCK I'VE DONE IT AGAIN''#SO MUCH of his character is entirely driven by ''I care about people. I dont want them to suffer what i have suffered or suffer at all''#like really the only times we ever see Nico being actively angry/snappy at people#is like a.) He is either actively being majorly hurt or has just recently been majorly hurt (Bianca's death. Being outed. etc)#b.) Someone is hurting others is going to bring harm to others (Calling out his dad in TLO. Killing Bryce)#or c.) Someone is doubting or calling into question his lived experiences (Basically any scene where people say he's pushing people away)#other than that Nico actually tends to give people way more lenience than necessary. he will put up with a LOT#and he won't even call people out on it or hold a grudge about it (i see you alleged Nico's fatal flaw. you're wrong)#unless it's like. something A Lot Of People Do Often (ex: push him away/exclude him/etc)#at which point he might be like. mildly upset about it but not much more then that. which is just a normal measured response.#anyways Nico's not cold he's just autistic
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the-meme-monarch · 1 year ago
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it is my god given right and moral duty on this earth to draw scc over and over again and never draw spamton
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fideidefenswhore · 4 months ago
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the tudors (2007-2010) / wolf hall (2009) / henry viii & the king's men (2020) / eustace chapuys to the emperor (june 1535) / the other boleyn girl (2008) / the downfall and execution of a tudor queen (2023) / eustace chapuys to the emperor (april 1536) / henry viii, stratford festival production (2019) / wolf hall (2009) / elizabeth i & her enemies (2017) / the mirror & the light (2020) / becoming elizabeth (2022) / the mirror & the light (2020) / the tudors (2007-2010) / the mirror & the light (2020) / the tudors (2007-2010)
#'she sees who is the master now' top ten cremuel freak moments#wolf hall crit#web weaving#(repeating the sources is kind of ...well. repetitive#but for the purpose of critique; necessary#altho you can argue this is just cromwell sort of...calcifying? callusing? over time. whatever the word is#but if he truly believes that elizabeth is going to 'live to thank him'......#again idk if this is intentional lol#mantel going 'not hardly' with that line from margaret pole#i don't think she meant them to be connected tbh#bcus that sounds more like plausible deniability for himself.#elizabeth won't remember (you were not yet five). but/so she'll live to thank him#granted. he has no reason to expect she would ever become queen#he dies before even the 1543 act so as far as he knew it wasn't possible 1536-#but you know. what she would have learned from parker and alesius... maybe even kat herself. despite cromwell's patronage#not hardly#i think it folds into his 'i will protect the gospel better'#it's not guilt or even really the suggestion of guilt. he is very explicitly not thinking about anne as he promotes her daughter's educatio#had elizabeth indeed lived to 'thank' him... hmm. delulu. but entertaining it....#i mean; it's almost impossible. she would've thought of him as mary thought of cranmer. if not even more intensely . because what was#done to catherine and mary was not equal to what happened to anne and by extension elizabeth#there were similarities but it was not on the same level
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falsesecuritysketches · 1 year ago
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I've been adding little Connor sketch cards with any sticker order. Good for practice and hopefully a nice surprise to the buyer~ I wanted to share some of the sketches, but there are so many I didn't take pictures of. If you have one, I would love to see them!
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theflyingfeeling · 7 months ago
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...😭
#i've never had a job in my own field that i've liked as much as i've liked my current one#the semester is ending soon and today i heard my contract will not be renewed bc the person i'm substituting will return to work after all#i've been feeling so tired and a bit poorly after the nokia arena show and i probably should have called in sick today#as i was absolutely useless today#and then after my only class today my students came to me with a gift?? 😭#a pink enamel moomin mug and some chocolate and a paper on which they had written nice things about me + a drawing of a dachshund 😭#and i burst to tears right there in front of them because i was so touched (and also because i'm just really really tired and emotional)#i'm so tired about having to apply for new jobs and having to start all over again#i'm so tired of having to do shitty short-notice substitutions again#i feel like i deserve better than that but on the other hand i fee like life's giving me exactly what i deserve and maybe this is it#i'm dreading the summer because idk if i'll have a job to go to in the autumn#and even if i did find something it won't be like the job i have now#also. it's may day eve and the weather's lovely#and i'm hiding in my apartment with the curtains closed so i won't see all the people going out and having fun with their friends#for me may day eve has never been like that. i've always felt so very excluded from those celebrations#on top of that i got yelled at by a bus driver and i'm the worst friend that ever existed#i'm trying to quit on whining about my sad little life but it gets so lonely#please know i'm not writing this for attention or pity. i know y'all have problems of your own and i'm just being a dramatic crybaby
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eisthenameofme · 5 months ago
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love when it gets to the point of The Discourse where i feel the need to key word search otherwise chill people's blogs for rampant bigotry before following them. Like this isn't exactly what happened with 'ace discourse'
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acuriousmindsblog · 1 year ago
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imaginaryanon · 2 months ago
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wore contact lenses instead of glasses today and almost burst into tears when i saw myself in the mirror. like. i want to be that guy. i'm so fucking tired of glasses & the way they distort my fucking face
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