#and my granddad too.
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#my papa was diagnosed w lung and colon cancer. and he's too frail to do anything about it. so he's essentially just going to slowly die#they're not sure how long it'll take. or how advanced the cancer is. but it's there. and it will take him.#my grandma is also descending into bad dementia from her multiple traumatic brain injuries#it's gotten noticeably worse this past month#she needs to stop driving but I'm the only person in the family w a driver's license who can get to her#so if anyone was to pick up the slack it would be me.#aside from literally not having time nor money for that. I don't know how to handle this sort of grief#I'm 26 but I haven't come to terms w the fact that there is a quickly approaching day#where I'm going to wake up and my grandparents aren't going to be around any more#and I won't see them ever again.#I know I shouldn't borrow grief. but how do you avoid it.#and my granddad too.#and I can't really discuss this with anyone else. my siblings should be the ones that I could unpack this with#but bc of the age gaps between most of us they have an entirely different relationship with these people than I do#I remember everything. picking my granddad up from the airport. him giving me tootsie rolls. crying when we dropped him back off.#going fishing w my papa. bringing the fish back and watching my grandma gut and filet them. building a sandbox with him.#shelling pecans w my grandma. watching court tv while she made breakfast. her trying and failing to teach me how to swim.#it's not fair that I'm going to be the only person who remembers those things. and that to some degree I already am.
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EVE BEST as RHAENYS TARGARYEN in 1.05 “We Light The Way”
#listen i just like she's being a bit petty#she's pretty and she judges#'if i had the throne i would never have let it get this bad jfc'#'now i have to sacrifice MY son for HIS messes - granddad i hope you're burning in hell'#she was happy not 20 minutes ago but the Crown brings politics and darkness to her door#she's lived with Velaryons too long so she's adopted sailing metaphors#my gifs#do not repost#rhaenys targaryen#eve best#house of the dragon#hotdedit
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Elrond would have been the bestest grandpa ever and the fact that he never got the opportunity to be so is a Crime.
#elrond#silmarillion#lotr#Fight me#You cannot change my mind#He would have been so sweet and soft with these tiny little babies of his babies#He would have loved them so much and spoiled them and let them sit on his lap while he does important things#Imagine Elrond just sitting there and patiently explaining what each plant does and what's in every book and what his clothes are made of#And where rivendell comes from and everything a curious bb can come up with#And helping his grandkids to make presents for their parents and aaaa#i have so many feels about this okau#I just want Elrond to have granddad time and Arwen waited too long and the twins apparently just didn't#Also the twins are the bestest uncles ever but are always fighting glorfindel and erestor over it#rivendell
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he’s won his 4th title… he’s going to be a father… we might be hearing a retirement announcement this weekend. might.
#he’s talked multiple times about retiring this season#in a serious way too not as a joke#can’t believe she’s baby trapped him my god#that baby has nelson piquet and jos verstappen as granddads…. my god#he’s made history so honestly I wouldn’t blame him#she’ll give birth right around when the season starts by the looks of things#he’s not going to want to be across the world when his girlfriend has a newborn#max verstappen 33#max verstappen#max verstappen 1#mv1#mv33#f1#formula one#formula 1#murph talks f1
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Making a joke about how caving is fun because it scratches same the itch that caused victorian men to go die at the poles for no reason but shaking my head the entire time to show that I understand that the actual economic and social reasons behind european exploration of the arctic and antarctic in the nineteenth century were actually far more material in nature than they were due to some kind of inherent human desire to die in a stupid way
#I do enjoy the doomed explorer vibe though. I would go cave diving for that too if the fact of my granddad’s friends dying in front of him#while they were cave diving when he was younger hadn’t scarred me for life against it <- overshare moment. sorry#jory.txt
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After successfully dodging it for four years, I got Covid from my gran, who got it from my grandfather, who "got" it for his 95th birthday (probably from someone who coughed at him at the supermarket or wherever) ... My grandparents are both fine, thank God, and I'm isolating in the yarn room where the man keeps me plied with tea and food, like this excellent noodle soup.
Featuring my gran's WIP basket in the background which she gave me a few years ago.
#the last week has been a fucking trip I tell you#my father has it too but is on the mend as well#I swear this was the longest week with bad news every day#thankfully everyone of us is vaccinated and got their booster shots too#my granddad is SO PISSED that he got it after all this time#none of us had this on their bingo card for this year#covid#personal
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I cant believe I haven’t mentioned my granddad’s commentary of Atreus doing literally anything, but specifically about the sand bowls.
Every time we found a sand bowl:
Him: oh no. the little shit’s gonna go stir the pot again.🙄😒
Me: yes but hes helping us
Him: he’s annoying me
Whenever Atreus was grappled by a monster:
Me: oh god i need to save my son hold on
Him: let him die he’ll be fine
And of course there’s various amounts of:
Him: what’s the thing. there’s a thing following you, shouldn’t you kill it?
Me: n. no. that’s my son. we don’t kill him he’s helping us
Him: why is it following you🤨
Me: because, he’s literally 11
Him: mmm. kill it.
#gow2018#gow#god of war#atreus#atreus haters have a friend in my granddad💀#he enjoyed baldur stabbing atreus a little too much lmao#not mil
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i'm supposed to go out to eat at a restaurant two days in a row and i'm so scared dnp are gonna upload early because i WILL be a little bitch baby about it
#it's my granddad's 80th bday today and my mum was like you can stay home if u want LMAO#bless her. i get too much leeway for my dnp insanity#the hack is to want to kill urself btw suddenly everything else is fine#but ugh i'll go i want to i just don't want dnp to surprise with an early video#fully bringing my laptop though im too anxious not to#and then tomorrow im going out with Old Colleagues#from my brief job era#but it shouldddd be fine like im gonna go home as early as i can
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Was rewatching an old Erin x James edit I made, and I just remembered how perfect the use of Mariah Carey’s “Always Be My Baby” was in the episode set in Donegal. Not only did the song slightly allude to the future of Erin and James’ relationship, but it also gave insight to the B-plot about Joe—that no matter how long his wife has passed he’s always gonna carry her love with him.
#i love this show so much#it’s so intentional to detail#and so comforting#and the soundtrack is so good too??#derry girls#erin quinn#james maguire#jerin#joe mccool#granddad joe#always be my baby
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i found loads of pictures of my uncle i am going 2 cry
#he looked so sweet…..he looks SO much like my dad#i found the last picture of him that my granddad took a month or so before he died it’s so sad#trying to decide if i should tell my mum that i know about him or if i should just keep it to myself#idk if somethings wrong with me maybe it’s because i was already grieving before i found out#but it’s really getting 2 me i can’t concentrate on my uni shit i just keep thinking about it#i think i rlly need to talk about it with someone but i have no idea who or how or what i’d say. but it’s weird because it’s a secret yk#like i’m not even supposed to know he existed#idk. i have a gender clinic appointment next week and i’m going to ask if they can recommend any therapists#me being very very brave and trying therapy again after being forced into it my whole life and ending up a bit traumatised#idk. i feel bad that i’m alive and i’m wasting my life when my uncle got killed when he was just a kid#it makes me feel like i should be more grateful and do more with myself.#and i am going to try but i’d rather he was here instead. same with my granddad#every time i experience something beautiful or good i wish my granddad could experience it because he deserved it more than me#and the best i can do is experience it for him and be grateful. but i would chance places instantly if i could#him and his kid deserve to be here they were so special. i know i don’t know his kid but i’ve heard they were similar#so i know he must have been special too#i found a fb comment today from a family friend i’ve never met and she was saying that she only met my granddad once#but she called him gentle and it made me cry. because he was very scottish and sweary and traditional and masculine#so everyone just assumed he was tough and scary but if you knew him he was really quiet and kind#and i’m glad someone who only met him once could see that#i’m going to be half asleep for the rest of my life i think. i’ve been dreaming since my granddad died and i don’t feel like i ever woke up#nothing has felt real since i was nine years old. everything just stopped and never started again#i’ve just been waiting. i’m waiting for him to change his mind and come back. idk. i don’t know what to do with myself#and i continuously feel fucking insane and stupid for being this way. it’s like fresh grief all the fucking time#but it was fifteen years ago. why does it still feel this way#i can’t even tell people because they won’t understand why i’m still so bothered by it#he was my parent for nine years. i lived with him he was my sole caretaker#i was nonverbal and him and my brother were the only people on the planet who knew what my voice sounded like#he’d think it was silly if i failed my exam because i was crying about him instead#he’d tell me to whisht and stick in. so i will
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been kinda stressed over how i stylize them so im trying to draw them different but idkkk
#dip speaks#my art#been kinda going back and forth using a different brush too#1st pic is my usual brush. the other 2 are with a different brush i wanted to try for lineart#it's just one of the base csp brushes (thin gouache brush)#also im intentionally giving silver and shadow similar features lol#i like to headcanon theyre genetically related (not blood related though)#(shadow isnt his actual granddad or wahtever)
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“don’t restrict yourself!! gender and sexuality are fluid!” you guys couldn’t even handle he/him lesbians
#this is for all those fuckers who preach about being accepting of everyone#then turn around and yell about how xenopronouns and conflicting labels are ‘mocking the trans community’ and ‘invading queer spaces’#this pisses me off SO MUCH. if you really don’t want he/him lesbians to be in your precious gatekept spaces then Don’t Interact With Them#the queer people who fought to earn the rights you have now fifty years ago would be disappointed#also who even gives a fuck about the words people use to identify *themselves*#you’re starting to sound a whole lot like homophobes by trying to exclude people who aren’t doing anything to you#EVERYTHING IS FLUID!!! LABELS ARE TOOLS TO HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR IDENTITY NOT BOXES TO FIT INSIDE OF#if you want to identify as a gay man but go by she/her? that’s fucking awesome!!!#fucking around with labels actually makes you 100 times cooler#p.s. if my 80 year old granddad could understand xenopronouns then you can too#okay rant over#lgbtq+#xenopronouns#discourse#rants#queer
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1/ this bout of comms almost done and 2. spawndate in 3 days so I have! been fixin up some stuff for the itch store. that'll go live on the 29th! right now there Is a pack of the lineart stuff I did last year for folks who found that agreeable, still free to grab! for practicing coloring, or if you wanna mess around with colors when ur not feelin like doing lineart, or if you wanna try to figure out colors in a drastically different style than what you usually go for. or if u just wanna look at it that's cool too. small announcement that is all see u in a few
#bakuspeech#update on the situation: is mostly contained. it'll take a fair bit to make up for how much it's kicked us in the nuts#but it's doable. just Very annoying and tedious and sudden and overall it just sucks#esp. like right up close to my birthday lmao. like if it happened earlier this year I'd be like alright. sucks shit but par for the course#this year has already been so fucked up. this might as well happen#but since it's happened in december it really brings on the feeling of like. fr bitch?#right in front of my cake? me the birthday boy? the specialest fucking boy?#but well. theres a Thing around here that's ur birthday usually being the unluckiest day#but also we're the kind of folks who track death dates rather than birthdays. like up until very recently#all four of my grandparents have unspecified birthdays. their birth years aren't even correct. on paper they're like#a few years older than they actually are#and my granddad on my dads side was even from a family of some means so it wasnt even a class thing#man. last year Something was happening around this time too. idr what but it also sucked#mmm. well. what is really just is. and I've already taken a hammer to it anyhows#I'll do the same for the birthday thing. it Will be fucking good. I take a hammer to it#I'm very glad I still get some commissions even tho it was practically right up to noel#you guys are very generous. I don't say it as often as I should I think but I'm very very thankful for the support#glad to hang out around here still. glad to have the folks I have here. thank u for chillin with me#please look forward to the itch store update. got a new thing along with the old things ported over. stay tuned
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honestly being in some tall CRP grasses and brambles and brush would fix me <- a man who hasn't walked in the countryside in over a year
#i'd take the locust trees and briars and cockleburs i don't CARE scratch me up i just want to be OUTSIDEEEEEEE#there's barely any bugs this time of year too so i wouldn't have to worry too much abt ticks and mites and skeetos#i really am my mother's son. i don't need the outdoors as much as she does but i genuinely think i need to get out in the wilderness at#LEAST once a year or i start becoming (more) fucked in the head#cityslickers do NOT get the appeal of getting dirt under ur nails & whacked in the face w/ branches in a cedar stand but it is transcendant!#theres birds. theres deer. coyotes. turkeys. bobcats even. and the cougars are returning!! i wanna be OUT THERE#ik my granddad's land out there isn't proper prairie bc it has trees due to human intervention but like. god. i still need to be Out There!#i need to look for cool rocks and arrowheads and mushrooms and hunt for shed antlers and read a book while my mom hunts#maybe i should go to the local nature preserve sometime this week. it's small but beautiful and i NEED this i can't wait for october#len speaks
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My granddad died today, I feel so fucking broken, he was one of the kindest men I knew and always taught us to love and accept people... the only positive thing is that he is now back with my nan and uncle who I knew he missed dearly
#i'm so broken#i was going to see him this weekend because we knew it would be soon#people always die around birthdays that's why they make me so anxious#i can't stop crying#i'll miss him so much talking about his TV shows and his stutter which i also have#his red hair and chatting about being irish#he was 77 so he lived a long life none of the men in his family lived past 60 so he beat the odds on that#this week has been too much i want it to finish i want 2024 to fucking finish rn#i wish he lived longer i wish he got to see his great grandchildren to grow up#this is the second grandparent to die around my birthday exactly 18 years ago my dad's dad died#8th June is the worst day for me#i want to take up and everything is a dream and i'm 10 years old again#he survived so much so many illnesses falls and so much heart break#i can't put into words how broken i feel#i used to help my nan and granddad round the house with cleaning and shopping#I want to fucking d*e#tw death#tw family death
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how would the romancables react to mc wanting kids with them (biological or adopted doesnt matter)
Oh my god how have I never thought about this?!?!?!?1
HEX: Holy SHIT Hex would be the best dad ever. EVER EVER EVER. He's out there giving horsie rides (no offense to Headless Horsemike), swinging the kids around, letting them ride on his shoulders, playing pretend, letting them dress him up, taking them to the park, I'm actually getting weirdly emotional thinking about how wonderful of a dad Hex would be. So warm and compassionate and understanding and loving :'))) and he'd be an AMAZING stay-at-home dad, too. Downside is he'd want like, 7 fucking kids. GOOD LUCK.
TATE: Tate never, ever wants kids, or so he says. The reason should be obvious (he never wants to end up like his dad or mom), but if he accidentally knocked the Player up OR somehow found himself in the position of having to look after a kid, he'd step up to the plate HARD. Tate might not be the most mentally well dad, and he might not know how to even, like, INTERACT with a kid ("uh.... is Saw appropriate for a 6 year old? No? Okay, I can do this. PeeWee's Playhouse was directed by Burton, right??") but he WILL show up to all their events and sports games and plays and graduation. He will try SO FUCKING HARD to be the best dad because he never had one, even if he doesn't know how. I love you Tate :'((((
LAILA: Takes this shit SO SERIOUSLY it's not even funny, lmao. Laila treats having kids (probably wisely??) like it's arranging a contract between feudal kingdoms. Are we financially stable? What will happen if we break up? What religion are we raising the kid?? (Laila doesn't follow a religion but she'd freak out about this sort of thing, for sure). That said, if she was in love with the Player and was ready to take the next step?? Get ready for 2.5 kids (the national average), AND starting to pick out what kindergarten they're going to when you're just STARTING to adopt/try for kids. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR ALPHA MOM (Laila)
SAWYER: Okay, Sawyer has never said this and it's never come up, but he would secretly ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO HAVE KIDS. Like, a LOT. It's something he's always dreamed about - finding someone to settle down with, maybe having a family, having his own law practice or just being a good criminal justice lawyer helping people everywhere, it's SO wholesome. (Unlike Sawyer's sex life and murder career, which is holesome). Sawyer would probably prefer to adopt cause he's the kind of guy who thinks there are plenty of kids out there who need help (plus, he'd kind of rather teach a toddler how to communicate with the world than look after a straight-up newborn baby, but if you DID have bio-kids, you bet that baby would be SPOILED ROTTEN (positive, ofc)!
JUNO: Nope nope nope nope nope. Nope nope nope. No no no no. Oh, Player, c'mon. Why did you have to ruin this? It's a wonder that Juno even made it out alive (dead???) being the [ACT 1 JUNO SPOILERS] offspring of a dead guy and a live woman, but who KNOWS what would happen if you guys had a kid?? Plus, Juno is MAD dysphoric about getting knocked up. Maybe they'd be more okay with it if the kid was adopted, but Juno was meant to be the cool aunt/uncle and DEFFO not a parent. At least, that's what they say. (:
#brb writing a Dad Hex AU#Hex my beloved 😭😭😭😭😭😭#dilf Hex when#i mean i guess it's up to me to write it but HOLY SHIT if there's a Slasher 3 (not 2 it's too soon LMAO) Hex is gonna DAD SO HARD#omg and then you could deal with Hex's shitty dads being granddads???#AND YOU COULD NAME YOUR KIDS?!?!?#okay this is getting out of hand#hex my husband hex the father to my children hexecutioner jones macduff#slasher u#asks#hexecutioner#tate mcgillicutty#juno park#sawyer ferguson#laila velasquez
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