englishlotusflower

[englishlotusflower]

I like to imagine that Palpatine has two different accounts, one for Sheeve Palpatine and one for Darth Sidious. I don't know why Darth Sidious would need a holonet account but I think it would be funny if one time he accidentally posted something on the wrong account and ratted himself out and than tried to play it off like his account got hacked or something

-

I’ve had this in my ask box way to long and I finally made it

[englishlotusflower]

Fail Better AU -

Anakin Skywalker is eleven years old, the nine year old wary, clingy, needy boy burgeoning into a pre-teen who is chafing and resentful of what he sees as his master’s overbearing strictures and unnecessary coddling, too smart for his own good and too ignorant in turn and too powerful even for himself to contain, which is why Obi-Wan tries so hard to do so.

Their arguments simmer and boil over, tension and uncertainties clashing with grief and frustration. It goes how it could have been expected to go, really;

“I didn’t ask to be your padawan! Master Qui-Gon was supposed to train me! He  –“

“Well I never wanted you either!” Obi-Wan snaps, to his instant regret, locking his jaw shut and pinching his brow, glowering at the floor and squeezing his eyes shut in shame. “I’m sorry. Excuse me.”

He leaves with Anakin hollering in wordless anger at his back, stung to the point of tears as he runs off in one direction and Obi-Wan retreats in another, hand covering his eyes.

He is in over his head with the boy.

But it was Qui-Gon’s dying wish that Anakin be trained. Obi-Wan has done his best. Taught him basic, taught him literacy, sat with him through numerous tutoring sessions to help him catch up to his peers in the glaring gaps of his education. Taught him to swim. Taught him to meditate. Held him through nightmares and tantrums alike. Comforted him through grief while quietly burying his own.

But he is drowning in the effort. He was barely a knight trying to teach a padawan who is both too young to be a padawan and too old to be anything else.

And Obi-Wan… this was not his choice. This was not the knighthood he imagined and certainly not the mentorship he’d looked forward to.

It is so bitter, that he finds himself doing to Anakin exactly what Qui-Gon had done to him, the worst of the old scars between himself and his master.

Qui-Gon had not wanted Obi-Wan either, not particularly. Obi-Wan had begged to be his apprentice and Qui-Gon had vocalized his resentment for having taken him on several times in their first couple of years together.

And it was a wound from which Obi-Wan had never quite healed. He simply stopped resenting Qui-Gon for it years ago. He fears he has started resenting Anakin for it, though. For being the padawan Qui-Gon did want, the padawan he went so far as to fight for.

And the boy does not deserve that, no matter how difficult he might be.

Obi-Wan had once sworn he would never do such a thing to a student of his own.

And he is failing.

There is a tense, awkward silence between them for the next few days. Obi-Wan spends most of them meditating and the conclusion he comes to is hard and ugly and weak.

He takes himself to Master Yoda’s quarters and bows  low on his knees before the elderly grandmaster.

“I cannot train the boy,” he confesses. “I cannot fulfill the last promise my master asked of me. Master Yoda, I do not know what to do.”

The elderly master rests a clawed hand in his hair, consoling. “Done enough, you have. In vain, your efforts will not be. In vain, your word was not.”

Anakin is only eleven years old, and in spite of his temper and his anxiety, of his obstinance and his uncertainties, he is a boy who has proven himself hard-working, eager to learn, eager to please, with the right motivation. Impatient, perhaps, but brilliant. In spite of his difficulties and disadvantages, he has in fact made great progress in two short years, in both his studies and his self-control.

He is taken into the creche, with the other initiates, moved into a dorm with age-mates who have spent their whole lives in the temple. They don’t talk like him, or think like him, but they are eager to share gossip and temple lore in exchange for stories from the greater galaxy, of life on the Outer Rim, to learn about pod-racing and how to reprogram the temple flight simulators (Initiate Skywalker! – they get scolded for it, but only because they did it without permission. Anakin learns to ask. Most of the time, even the teachers are curious enough to let him attempt anything at least once.)

He makes friends. Sits at a crowded table in the cafeteria every day and tries snacks from all over the galaxy (“You’re human, you can’t eat that!” “Bet me.”). Plays silly games with the younger kids and gets teased with riddles by the elders who assist the crechemasters. Learns more about the Jedi Order, about the Service Corps, about apprenticeships and the various paths towards knighthood. Learns about his choices, and his freedom to choose among them.

“But… Master Qui-Gon said I was the Chosen One.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t get to make your choices yourself. Prophecy is a fickle thing and Master Qui-Gon Jinn… hmm.”

Obi-Wan, no longer tied to the temple by a too-young padawan, spends much of the next two years on field missions, racking up assignments and accomplishments more prodigiously than even his own infamous master.

He returns to the temple on medical leave shortly before Anakin is to turn fourteen, with a full leg cast and crutches, to find that the boy has found a master in Jedi Knight Kit Fisto.

“It feels like a good match,” Knight Fisto says, when Obi-Wan politely and a little wistfully inquires. There is still an ache in his chest regarding the boy, regarding his broken promise to Qui-Gon and the promise he had kept with himself not to repeat Master Qui-Gon’s mistakes with his own padawan. “Kid loves water. I love water,” Knight Fisto jokes, the nautolan smiling broadly. “He says you taught him to swim,” he adds, his tone more sincere. “You did a good job.”

He excuses himself after that, nodding in gratitude.

Anakin almost knocks him over running down a corridor a few days later. Obi-Wan rights himself on his crutches and sighs at the boy, only just biting his tongue before letting out a chiding padawan. He is not Obi-Wan’s padawan.

“Mas – uh, erm, Kn- Knight Kenobi,” Anakin scratches the back of his head sheepishly, rocking on his heels to absent, excess energy as he always has.

“I think it would be fine,” Obi-Wan says, smiling softly, “if you were simply to call me Obi-Wan. You look well.”

“Really?” Anakin beams. “Thanks! You look, uh, broken.”

“Thank you,” Obi-Wan replies dryly. “How flattering.”

“I mean, uh, you – erm – wanna see my saberform? I’ve improved a lot! Master Kit says you were right bout my suiting Djem So, but he’s really had me focusing on Shii Cho, he says the basics a very important and also I need to get strong to do Djem So properly and I’m too skinny for it yet but if I eat too much won’t I just get fat? He doesn’t seem to thinks so. He thinks swimming cures everything but I feel like he’s kind of right? Anyways –“

“I would enjoy observing your progress,” Obi-Wan manages to get a word in. “Yes. I imagine you’ve improved greatly. You’ve always had great potential and it would be my pleasure to see what you make of it.”

Anakin turns pink in the face but grins broad – a little like Knight Fisto, actually – and bounds ahead towards the salles, seemingly forgetting that Knight Kenobi is on crutches.

Obi-Wan tips his head back and chuckles, hobbling on after him, feeling terribly, dreadfully relieved.

[englishlotusflower]

Cal: That ocean planet is a soup.

Boba:

Boba: Elaborate.

Cal: What is needed for something to be a soup?

Boba: Erm... Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine.

Cal: *Tilts head*

Boba: Ocean Planets are Soup.

Cal: Ocean Planets are Soup.

[englishlotusflower]

there's an artist on tiktok @/Pillow-Arty that drew art of percy jackson from the show meeting poseidon from the epic musical! i thought it was a super cool idea, so it got my brain thinking about percy meeting odysseus from epic!

odysseus' design is from @/wolfythewitch.

(i forget if tumblr blows up notifications when you tag people so just to be safe)

long story short. odysseus would probably get over it and not throw percy. but the thought is there.

[englishlotusflower]

au where everything is the same except percy gets new relatives on paul's side

a little old grandma who feeds him and gives him money to buy everything he never could when he was poor growing up

everytime she sees him, she babies him and tells him how tall he's gotten and complains about how skinny he is (she is also #1 percabeth shipper)

a grandpa who fought in the army and trades war stories with percy

who also ADORES annabeth and loves having intellectually challenging conversations with her about architecture, philosophy, mathematics, literally everything

an aunt who helped sally throughout her pregnancy with estelle which makes sally cry because she didn't have anyone when she was carrying percy

sally crying again because she's never had a parent figure since her uncle died and now paul's parents are all over her with their affection and acceptance (especially once they find out about the greek world)

a cool older cousin who ruffles percy's hair, teams up with annabeth to make fun of him, plays video games with him (annabeth teases percy that despite saving the world multiple times, he still wants to impress said cousin but still finds it cute how percy is adjusting to being the little brother for once)

when percy goes missing, all of them team up and consider marching up to olympus to kill the gods for kidnapping their new little baby boy

then after the events of hoo they adopt all of the seven

and they literally have to buy a bigger table because of the big family dinners they all have

and percy's just like 🥲 maybe relatives don't need to be out to ruin your life and traumatise you 24/7?

[englishlotusflower]

the twins were besties for YEARS before they Knew, you can't convince me they didn't have this conversation at least once

(commission info // kofi tip jar! )

[englishlotusflower]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 🎉🎉🎉

I wonder if tatooine uses a different calendar to the empire how many years would it take for Leia and Luke to realise they share their birthday? My guess is at least after Luke returns from dagobah

i drew a comic abt them finding that out last year but LOL if they do have different calendars, then they'd only find out they share a birthday if Han (who, as an intergalactic smuggler, would have to vaguely know all the calendars) translated their birfs to the imperial calendar for them. and then would immediately regret it when the two of them don't shut up abt it for 2-5 business days

[englishlotusflower]

Not that this probably hasn’t been mentioned but I was re-reading language of thorns and relised something.

See those islands? Apparently they used to be connected to the mainland- but Ulla summoned a storm strong enough to move the fucking landmass.

And I’m sorry but- that means both (mentioned) children of Baghara have made significant changes to the physical environment of the fucking world

[englishlotusflower]

Qui gon has a space youtube channel where he uploads videos of cool plants and reviews books on space botany with the occasional random footage of jedi stuff. The content is either very dry or very chaotic with shaky cam and somewhat blurry footage.

He made the account when he was a padawan after Dooku (nursing a headache from Qui Gon's latest hyperfixation) wearily asked him to channel his love for plants somewhere else at least until this migraine subsides, padawan

He realises that he actually loves making videos and chatting endlessly to a camera. His first few videos end up being 3 to 4 hours long and focuses on obscure plants and random books he found in Dookus room

The jedi Council is a little illiterate when it comes to social media (it hasnt caused any problems for the order yet so its pretty much unregulated) so QuiGon isn't actually breaking any rules when he posts videos without making them private. Many jedi do have social media accounts but they tend to use it for more professional purposes, so Qui Gon's channel slips under the radar with an average of like 5 views per video.

He continues using the channel as a botany/cute animals/philosophy/ranting outlet throughout his apprenticeship.

Once he's knighted he has less time to upload videos so his most common type of videos end up being those 20 second to 1 minute clips ft. Something Funny or Something Cool or just blurry footage with unintelligible audio.

Ofc when he gets padawans, he also posts random vids of them when he catches them in 4k doing sth stupid/cute.

By the time obi wan comes around, qui gon's space youtube channel has like, 50 short videos of feemor and xanatos doing things like petting tookas, failing spectacularly at executing a flashy ataru form, being sappy while high on painkillers, running away from qui gon as he holds a flesh-eating parasite towards them and shouts 'why are you running?' etc etc

At this point he has about 20 or so regular viewers who either think he's roleplaying a jedi or are members of the jedi order who find it hilarious (mainly Qui-Gon's friends and, for some reason, Master Yoda)

Anw the point of this is to lead to the premise of one of his videos going viral during the clone wars (possibly the one of general kenobi when he was 14 doing a backflip and landing on his face. Or the one of him sleeping while half his body is dangling outside a window. Or the one where he does this).

It's good PR for the jedi bc it shows them as slightly chaotic but peaceful people who are at their core just like everyone else (idiots).

It's memed to the extent that it reaches the eyes of the Jedi Council and Anakin who immediately like brings it to obi wan like "Master is this really you??"

Obi Wan randomly discovering this treasure trove of videos that shows so much of the person his master used to be, missing his dad so much but at the same time feeling a little betrayed that Qui Gon uploaded such embarrassing videos to a public forum where anyone could view it: you are haunting me from beyond the grave master

And the channel has both clips of Qui Gon and Obi wan as padawans, so there would definitely be fan compilation videos comparing their feral padawan energy. Obi Wan feels seen bc no one used to believe him when he told them that calm Master Jinn was actually crazier than him but now he finally has proof but then angst bc Qui Gon is not there so he can't rub his face in it :(

Anakin and ahsoka discovering that their cool and calm master used to be wilder and more feral than them before qui gon died and left him to raise a child: that's actually very sad.

The general public seeing Dooku in the bg of qui gon's padawan videos: is General Kenobi... fighting a war... against his jedi grandpa?

Anw this can go two ways: either this is just a cute thing that happened during the clone wars and everything else happened the same as canon OR it inadvertently saves the galaxy

Canon: the videos make everyone involved Feel Things but don't change their actions. The empire never gets around to banning the channel so Obi wan uses it as one of his last sources of comfort in the desert as he watches over luke. Once he reconnects with Qui-Gon's force ghost, they bond by watching old videos from the channel. Years later, Luke discovers Obi Wans old datapad and inadvertently finds out about the original viral video and the channel. It ends up being a very good reference for painting a picture of jedi life pre-empire. Luke uses it as a reference when building his jedi academy but not before spending a solid hour laughing at the padawan kenobi fail compilations

AU:

Dooku watching some of the videos and all the fluff (and possibly seeing the vlog where padawan qui gon talks about the differences between attachments and love with regards to jedi and bringing up his bond with dooku): Actually maybe I can leave the jedi order and make positive change without becoming a sith lord. Maybe I can help the jedi order without agreeing with everything they do.

Anakin watching the same video on attachments vs love and going to obi wan

Anakin: Do you love me master?

Obi wan: ???

Obi wan: You are my brother anakain??? Of course I love you??? But why are you asking me?? Are you okay?? Do you have something to confess perhaps?? Like about a senator?? A senator that has a name beginning with a p??

Anakin, panicking: Ah yes p-pa-palpatine did tell me a strange story about a wise sith lord when we went for our weekly bonding session yesterday

Obi wan: I -

Obi wan: I meant your marriage to Padme actually but wtf there is a lot to unpack there.

And anakin is just reeling from the fact that

1) obi wan loves him

2) obi wan knew about padme and didn't say anything

So he doesn't get angery when Obi wan brings the palpy matter to the jedi Council and investigates him. Then add in a few well-timed coincidences bc this is a fix it and yay palpy overthrown!!

Anakin prolly voluntarily leaves the order and becomes a happy trophy husband for Padme after a long talk with Obi wan about his future where he reevaluates his life decisions. ("Anakin you will be my brother whether or not you're in the order")

Obi wan meets Qui Gons force ghost and does get to rub it in his face that he was a less feral padawan than Qui Gon.

And they all lived happily ever after except palpatine who died angrily ever after.

[englishlotusflower]

Not my tags

#do you think aragorn continued functioning as the unquestionably most talented healer in the houses of healing? like he must have right?#imagine you make a long journey to minas tirith because your kid has some awful disease and its your last resort#youve heard the healers there have remedies from the elves and they can cure ailments that no one else can#you show up and the regular guys are like ‘hmm this illness is very grave… you’ll have to see a specialist’#and then the king of fucking gondor shows up and probably apologizes for being late before gently taking your childs hand#and promising to do his best by them#and then the high king aragorn ii elessar telcontar cures your childs fucking leprosy

#imagine visiting the town's physician and he's so good with healing it's like he's got healing hands or something so you praise the man#and he's just like bashfully say thank you but as you look closer wow the man looks almost similar to the king and you say so#and the nice physician is just like oh yeah I've told that before I've got one of those faces i suppose#you leave with a smile and you go home and you go to sleep and then you jolt awake at 3 am and you be like 'holy fuck that is THE king'#and it turns out the physician is out of town for a day and the king volunteers to replace the physician while he's gone lol#lotr#q

I bet after Aragorn became king he would continue to be Just Some Chill As Fuck Dude. You go to the market and there’s the king of Gondor. Buying turnips.

[englishlotusflower]

Two British Fantasy Authors, a play in one act.

JRR Tolkien: So my epic fantasy has elves and dwarves and gods and demons and vampires and werewolves.

CS Lewis: Cool cool cool.

JRR Tolkien: What about yours?

CS Lewis: Mine? It's got fauns and a witch and a talking lion and precocious children—

JRR Tolkien: I like the talking lion.

CS Lewis: —and Santa Claus.

JRR Tolkien: ...

JRR Tolkien: ...

JRR Tolkien: What?

CS Lewis: Santa Claus. You know, "ho ho ho."

JRR Tolkien: I know Santa Claus! I wrote the book on Santa Claus! But you can't have Santa Claus in your High Fantasy!"

CS Lewis: Why not? You have Tom Bombadil!

JRR Tolkien: HOW DARE YOU

[englishlotusflower]

I like to think that

During Anakin’s apprenticeship, Obi-Wan quickly became suspicious that Anakin wasn’t really paying attention to his lectures and was just nodding.

So he started slipping in random phrases to test and see if he was listening like:

“Anakin, you must clean your room. I didn’t, and now Master Yoda nests in the left corner under my collection of death sticks and fluffed unicorns.”

“Anakin you must be careful. Also, on weekends, I dress like the Queen of Naboo and have Master Mundi act as my handmaiden.” 

“Anakin, your vegetables are good for you. Master Windu didn’t and he lost all of his hair, did you know?”

Anakin nods yes to about half of these, because no, he does not listen.

This becomes a habit, so even when’s lecturing Anakin in the hallway Obi-Wan will resort to this trick.

Needless to say that the masters are often baffled by some of the rumors that surface among the padawans, who swear that its the truth.

After, all, Obi-Wan’s own padawan nods and says “Yes, Master” to all of them.

[englishlotusflower]

Not my tags:

#exactly!!#for Tolkien it’s a tragedy#for grrm it’s exciting shock value#also grrm you don’t have to make all the female characters 13 years old. no one made you do that. grrm are you listening to me you fucker#I am not convinced GRRM knows what a 13yo looks like... tbh it's worse if he does#anyway I have a sister that age and it's so extremely creepy knowing what he did to Daenerys...#Meanwhile Tolkien has 'Gilraen's father complained she was too young when she married Arathorn.'#'She was 22' 'look they're a long lived people'#(I mean it's not inconceivable that Númenoreans age slower I suppose but that still wouldn't put her anyway near...)

GRRM may write more women than Tolkien, but as a woman I would feel much safer in Tolkien's world, and around the author himself

[englishlotusflower]

headcanon that percy stays ready to clock the minotaur. this man would pause his lunch break to give this bull it's horn a third time. this man would dehydrate for two days if it meant he could murk this bull at the end of it. this man's beef with this walking beef is so grandeur. it was the first monster he killed the moment the battle of mamhattan began. this is one of percy's consistent bloodlust moments and no one will ever fault him for it.

[englishlotusflower]

killing is easy its the clean up afterward thats challenging 

OR: I finally add Plo Koon to the ‘fox & cody kill the chancellor’ au

[englishlotusflower]

Cadet Commanders

Cody, pint-sized and worried: Fox! Fox, equally little and worried: Kot'ika! Wolffe, small, but not as worried: You're late. Cody: Am I? Fox, wrapping him up in a hug: Ori'vod said you were supposed to be here ten minutes ago. Cody, leaning into the hug and looking up at his Jedi: I wasn't flying the ship... Obi-Wan: Neither was I. Thire: Traffic on Coruscant delays all landings. We expect people within the hour, not at the exact minute they specify. Cody, puffing up his chest: So I wasn't late. Wolffe: I guess the golden boy is still perfect. Plo: Be nice to your brother, Wolffe. Fox, snorting: Jealous. Plo: I was just telling the Commander here that the boys would be safest at the Temple. Obi-Wan: I'm inclined to agree. Thire: With all due respect, I must insist they remain with the Coruscant Guard. I will release Cody and Wolffe to you, but you will not be taking Fox. Obi-Wan: ...Is there a reason you don't trust us to protect him, Commander Thire? Thire: It isn't about trust, General Kenobi. Fox has never been...comfortable around Jedi. Thorn: You creep him out. Fox, pretty confused to be honest: ...Jedi sound cool...? Thire: Until you actually see what they're capable of. Thorn, whispering to the two Jedi generals: He's actually afraid of Jedi... Obi-Wan: Oh... Plo: Hm...Still, we must examine the boys to determine what has caused this. Rex, approaching: Not without me present. Fox, wide-eyed: Whoooa! Wolffe, look! That ori'vod has jaig eyes! Wolffe: Whoooa! Cody: Be careful. He's kind of mean... Rex, sighing: He thinks I'm picking on him because I told him I am who I am. Thire: Why would you do that? Rex: It's called honesty, Thire. Thire: What if you mess up the timeline, di'kut!?

[englishlotusflower]

Fives: So hypothetically if I were to do this thing Rex: No Fives: So hypothetically if I did this thing 20 minutes ago