#and I was paying a lot of money to go to this fucking school that was supposed to set me up with a career!
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*𝙄𝙫𝙚 𝙂𝙤𝙩 𝙔𝙤𝙪*
Pairing: Changbin x Reader (Fem)
Genre: Angst (Happy ending of course)
Warnings: Abusive father! Violence, Blood, Alcohol, Sick mother, Lots of cursing. Father is a real piece of shit and puts hands on reader multiple times. Sorry for any mistakes or missing tags.
Just for another warning because I think it’s important. This has content that could trigger some people. Please please read the warnings. If any of them make you uncomfortable please don’t read. Also a reminder. You’re not alone. No one ever should be laying their hands on you. I love you. You’re loved. You don’t ever deserve anything like this.
Find The Request Here
-🖤
Changbin wrapped his arms around you pulling you close to him. He kissed your neck tenderly nuzzling himself into your neck. You both were snuggled up on the couch watching a show. “My angel” he said softly before softly kissing your neck once more. When you were with him it felt like nothing else mattered like the world was alright. Your moment of happiness was short lived though seeing your phone buzzing. It was your father. Just seeing his name flash on your phone made you anxious.
After your mother had passed away your dad became an even bigger monster. He was always a good for nothing, But now not working as much as he did he stayed home drinking. Your mother had told you before the only reason she had stayed with him was because she didn’t have anywhere else to go. Her family was from another country, she didn’t have much money or friends. She was such a brave woman though. You don’t know how she dealt with him so long but I guess him never really being home helped. He had gotten fired from his big job because of his drinking and anger problems. Going to work one day hungover and punching a coworker so hard it broke his nose. He had to pay a hefty fine for that. Now he has a slow job where he only works a few days.
One of your earliest memories of him being his asshole self was him telling you how he hated that you were a girl. He hated that in his words ‘that useless bitch couldn’t even give me a boy.’ He wanted a son so badly and he made sure you knew that. He never really bonded with you however he’d be damned if you didn’t respect his authority. The first time he ever laid hands on you, you were 9. You accidentally knocked over a table braking the lamp that was placed on it. He grabbed you by the wrist smacking you across the face. ‘You stupid fucking brat! Look what you did, you’re just like your fucking mother!’ He spat pushing you away from him.
After that day it just kept going. Having to wear long sleeves at school to hide the bruises. At one point you had to stay home for almost a week. You had stepped in front of him to protect your mom when he hit you square in the face busting your lip. It stayed swollen and bruised for a while. Tooth slightly cracked from the incident.
You wanted so badly to tell someone. Confide in a teacher anything. You were scared to though. Scared they’d blame your mom, put her in jail and take you away. So you endured it. As your mom started to get sick he turned more of his attacks on you. Although a complete peace of shit he wasn’t stupid. He knew if he did anything to her the doctors would see it.
After she had passed you kept yourself from the house as best as you could. Not going home as much as you possibly could. You got a job at a cafe down the road and that’s how you met changbin. He was a regular who once you started talking admitted to only coming so much to see you.
You kept your home life a secret to him as much as you could but one day you were getting intimate you forgot about the bruises. When he had lifted your shirt his smile dropped. He looked at you with wide eyes “what the fuck? Who did this to you?” He said clenching his jaw. All you could do was sob he held you in his arms rubbing your back. “I’m sorry for raising my voice I just- y/n please- what happened?” He asked.
Through your sobs you told him, you unloaded everything in a word vomit of sadness. He would and wanted to go find your father. To beat him senseless, to show him how it feels but he knew you needed him more. He held you so tightly, feeling his own heart breaking from your words. Knowing a family member could do this to someone they were supposed to protect. To love and cherish just broke him. He was such a family oriented person and now he realized why you never wanted him to meet him. Never talked about him. He asked why you couldn’t just leave explaining to him how your mother wasn’t from here, how you had no family and no one else to rely on.
“Shit- it’s my dad” you said frantically picking the phone up.
“Where the fuck are you? He spat.
“I’m- I’m just at a friend’s house” you stuttered.
He laughed “sure, you’re probably slutting around. Get your fucking ass home.”
He hung up leaving you shaking. “I gotta go.” You said picking your keys up.
“Y/n you don’t have to” Changbin said with pleading eyes.
“I’m sorry.” You said before heading to the door.
Your brain wondered what was going on. Why he needed you home. As you pulled up coming through the door you saw him slumped in his usual chair. “About fucking time” he hissed. “Do something useful and go get me some more beer” he demanded.
You stood there almost dumb founded. Before he hissed again “don’t make me say it again!”
You nodded heading down to the store and getting it for him. When you got home again you sat the beer beside him. He gave you a smirk “glad you know how to listen” he chuckled. Your nose twitched at his smell, you hated being close to him. The smell of alcohol, cigarettes and B.O. always radiated off of him. He motioned for you to leave and you did slinking back to your room to text changbin.
Him: Y/n! Text me back! I’m worried!
You: I’m fine. He just wanted beer
Him: I swear I’ll end him one of these days
You: I’m gonna go to bed ok? I’ll see you in the morning! Love you!
Him: Love you to beautiful. Text me when you wake up🖤
You fell asleep shortly after always finding peace in sleep. The next few days were the same old. Going to Changbins after work going home late when you knew he’d be passed out. Today though. You had to run home for your wallet. When you walked through the door your dad was in the kitchen. You took one look around and realized something had to have happened. Things were thrown around. Smashed. Your body froze before you could go to walk back out he saw you.
“Where do you think you’re fucking going!” He yelled. He made a bee line toward you.
“I’m- I’m picking up another shift at work I just came home to grab something.” You lied.
“Bull fucking shit!” He spat.
He grabbed you by your throat lifting you up against the wall. His eyes were dark, knuckles bloody from punching the wall. “I get fucking fired from my god damn job only to come home to see you running back out? For what huh? To go fucking whore around some more?” He said. “No! There’s gonna be some fucking changes!” He screamed.
He dropped you to the floor before grabbing you by your wrist dragging you to the kitchen. “You’re gonna get another fucking job, you’re gonna start paying the other bills!” He spat. “You got it!”
When you didn’t answer right away he slapped more like punched you across the face. “Answer me bitch!” He said gritting his teeth. All you could do was nod scared for your life. You felt a warmth running down, your nose was bleeding.
“You’re fucking pathetic you know that, just like your fucking mother! That bitch. That bitch fucking deserved what she got! I’m glad she’s fucking dead!” He spat. Something had come over you at that point. You shoved back making him stumble backwards. You made a dash to the door luckily in his drunken stupor he stumbled getting back up. You ran. Not even bothering getting in your car afraid it take to long.
So you ran. You ran as fast as you could until you couldn’t anymore. You hid yourself in the bushes at the park panting. Trying to catch your breath as you fumbled to call changbin. “Hey angel” he said happily but when he heard you breathing heavy his heart sank. “Y/n what’s wrong? Are you ok?” He asked.
“I’m- I’m at the- park down- down the road- please” you stuttered out.
“Stay there I’m just down the road!” He said before grabbing his keys speeding to you.
He gripped the steering wheel afraid for what had happened. “Angel? I’m here!” He yelled out.
You peaked your head out, when he got a good look at you anger filled his body. ‘That mother fucker’ he snarled. There was no time to be angry right now though. You needed him. So desperately needed him.
He sat beside you pulling you into his arms. He took his jacket placing it around you as he whipped away the blood from your nose. He noticed the handprint mark around your neck, he gritted his teeth seething. You sobbed, holding onto him for dear life. He rubbed your back “ssh sh it’s ok angel, I’m here, I got you.” He said.
He rocked you back and forth letting your sobs subside before asking you anything. “Does it hurt?” He asked lifting your face to him looking over your nose and neck. You nodded. It hurt to swallow, hurt to breathe, everything just hurt. “Can I take you to the hospital?” He asked. You were hesitant but you nodded.
The car ride there all he could do was watch over you. Scared something could seriously be wrong. Cursing at himself for not being there. He was in the process of finding a new place. A new place so you could move in with him. The only reason you didn’t live with him now was for the fact he had other roommates and if the tenant found out about you they all could be evicted. He was gonna surprise you today with the good news, that he found a place. Close to his work and close to a bakery you had wanted to work at.
When he had gotten to the hospital they all looked at him like he had done it. They checked you over asked him a million questions. The cops being called from below to ask him questions. They weren’t completely shocked when they heard your dad’s name. He was notorious for his anger outbursts and violence. He had a list of charges that had gotten one being the man he punched at his old job. They wrote everything down, took pictures of your bruises and wounds. Asking you lots of questions before leaving.
“Y/n did you know you had a broken rib at one point?” A nurse asking you.
You shook your head.
“Looks like it happened a while ago, it fused back but not properly. You ever have sharp pains?” She asked.
“Yeah, she use to complain about side pains but they kinda just stopped.” Changbin chimed in.
“How is she right now?” Changbin asked.
“Nothings broken however you’re lucky, the pressure he had around your throat bruised your vocal cords. Any harder you could be looking at serious damage”
The nurse had left to grab some papers changbin took your hand into his. He kissed your cheek softly rubbing his thumb over yours. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there” he said softly.
You shook your head “I don’t want him hurting you either” you said looking up at him.
“I’m proud of you though, pushing back and getting yourself out of there. Your mom would be proud” he said with a small smile. His words made you smile a bit. “She definitely would.”
“I had some news to tell you” he said hoping this would make you smile.
“Yeah?” You asked.
“Yeah. I’m moving. Well we’re moving” he said with a smile. When you looked at him a bit confused his smile grew “I got a place for the two of us. Wish it could have happened sooner but-“ he said.
You wrapped your arms around him hugging him tightly “we’re gonna live together? I’ll get to spend all the time with you?” You said eagerly.
“Yep! Got the keys today!”
When the door opened you thought it was the nurse however it was an officer. “Y/n we have your father in custody. Do you have a place to stay for the mean time?” He asked looking over at your boyfriend.
“I do, but can I go back and get something’s you asked.
The officer nodded “I’ll have to escort you because it’s a crime scene now.”
You nodded.
“Whenever you get discharged we can go alright?” He said before walking out.
After you went to the house grabbing your clothes, laptop and a few things you smiled saying good riddance to this place. You had the few things from your mom packed, having nothing more in this house for you.
Moving in with changbin was something to get use to. However he helped you every step of the way. You got into much needed therapy and after your father’s sentence you felt like things were going up. As a little house warming gift Changbin had surprised you with a cat. You had bonded with him with the many times he had taken you to the cat cafe. You always said how much you wanted him and now you had him. You had your little family now.
Changbin showered you in love as usual, never missing a chance to compliment you, praise you and tell you how much he loved you. You knew in your heart your mom wherever she was, she was happy. Happy seeing her little girl finally get out of the situation. To live her life to the fullest.
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💙 If you’d like to read more of my stuff you can find it Here: Master List . Thank you for reading and if requests are open or you just wanna talk feel free to send me something🩵
Taglist: @satosugu4l @do-you-remember-summer-127 @xines16 @minh0scat @troublemaker02 @tr-mha-fan @lunearta @velvetmoonlght @minghaosimp
#stray kids#skz#stray kids scenarios#skz scenarios#changbin#changbin angst#changbin drabbles#changbin x reader#changbin fanfic#stray kids angst#stray kids drabble#stray kids x reader#stray kids fanfic#stray kids comfort#changbin comfort#bangchan#han jisung#hyunjin#jeongin#seungmin#Lee know#Lee Felix#kpop angst#kpop drabble
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Honestly the worst thing about being raised by and around professors is that I can't really do the whole students bitching about professors thing even when I mostly agree with it, because my whole life I have been hearing the professor's side of the story. Every time someone talks about how ridiculous mandatory attendance or participation is there's a part of me that starts loudly protesting about how actually being in class is really important for learning, and it must be so hugely frustrating for the professor when students just don't show up to your class half the time and then when they do show up they're playing sudoku on their computer.
#dylan says things#and I say this as someone who historically has not been great about attendance due to things both in and outside of my control#and I know disabilities are a factor for a lot of people and I'm not saying they shouldn't be accommodated.#but I've had professors who have done truly so much to make it possible to attend their class. like you can go in person and on zoom#and a lotta wiggle room for making up missed classes#and people will still complain about it#and most of the time these things are only like 5-10% of your grade#and at a certain point it's like dude you're literally paying to go to school#and now you're complaining that you have to go to school and do school things#if you stop giving them all your money they will stop asking you do the thing you're paying to do#and again I am not exempt from this getting to my morning class is fucking impossible a lot of the time#and that sudoku thing in the main post was absolutely a self-callout#but like. idk. Professors are not evil they are people who are trying to do their jobs#anyways. I think I often find that my attitude towards academia is not aligned with my friends#like sometimes people will tell me that it doesn't really matter that much as long as i graduate#and I understand the sentiment and largely agree with it but also at the end of the day I want to like. Learn stuff and do good work#anyways. sorry for my weird rambling i just have a lot of thoughts about university that i never really share with anyone
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you know someday i'm gonna feel so good when i have my student loans paid off
that ain't gonna be soon, trust me, but i think about it
#i've been saving so much for it that i paid off over like $2k in the last 2 or 3 months#it's just thinking about how the amount of interest goes off that drives me literally crazy#and my monthly amount i owe is like just under $120#which to some people as a regular bill is more manageable than others. but as i have an irregular income#as a substitute teacher it's something that gives me a LOT of stress.#which is another reason i've been overpaying. in case something happens/i can't get a lot of work#it defers the next due date.#that way it's not urgent but yet i still *feel* it all the time#debt is a crazy kind of thing#and to think that my loans are from COMMUNITY college. two years. publicly owned#when i start taking classes again soon. i currently have enough saved that if i take like ONE class#i can pay out of pocket. and i think im only gonna take one class to start anyway#which will also help with the deferred payments#see i just fucking hate having to think practically about money like this#tales from diana#idk how ppl leave high school and go straight to live in a dorm room at a private university for four straight years#and rack up tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.#first of all that lifestyle was not accessible for me to begin with. even when paying it was such an abstract put-it-off thought#as it is for so many 18-year-olds who are told not to worry about where they apply.#but i had under $12k to repay when the student loan debt was unfrozen last fall#and it's been weighing on me soooo heavily since then. i think about it every damn day#it's like the money i make isn't even mine. it goes straight to mohela and food#keep in mind i also live w my parents & am on their health insurance so someday there'll be moooore bills!!!!
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feeling like you’re 12 when you’re 22 is genuinely such a humiliating experience.
#my dad and mom have been on my case ab asking for permission before I go places and it makes me kinda sick#seeing everyone around me make plans or whatever and then being like ‘I’ll have to ask 🥺 👉🏽👈🏽#’#and my dad’s a liar he’s like it’s not like we ever say no#except my mother does and so does he???#even the muslim girls I am friends with have more freedom and you know what’s amazing ab this is#they can’t stop me from going to school. they don’t pay for that#they can’t take my car. they don’t pay for that#my mom can stop making food for me and I will manage just fine#they wanna kick me out???? blessing in disguise#but it’s hilarious that as an adult i’m still paying for everything I use but I still have to ask permission genuinely fuck off#my parents when I have to stay late on campus for some school event: 😒#the way I’d be making money rn if they didn’t decide to come and stalk me at work and see me without my hijaab on#and that one’s on me I could choose to just work with it on and make them happy#but I literally can’t as a matter of principle#i’m given such little pride as it is and if I say I don’t want to work with a hijaab on that’s that#i got an internship two days ago for the summer and you can bet your ass I’m not wearing my hijaab#except it’s not paid#and as much as I have guilt spending I really don’t spend a lot and it makes me so angry#i know that your 20s isn’t your whole life and people shouldn’t think that if they waste their 20s their life is up#but it’s like#my teens were already so shitty and abusive and trapped#how much longer do I have to deal w this before i’m treated like an adult#trick question! it’s only until a man can own me bc then he can make my decisions instead of them <3
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According to 6 different serious health/psychology pages I have BPD, do you think that means I should see a therapist?
#i've been thinking about the possibility for a while but never looked up symptoms because i was scared#and now it's starting to get out of hand so i finally did even though i originally didn't want to be officially diagnosed#for various reasons like the stigma in society and my health insurance knowing so all my future doctors will go back to their#'it's only psychological stop being so dramatic you're not actually sick' shit and invalidating me and my health problems in the past#some of them straight up refused to write a sick note for school when i actually had the flu back in 8th grade#so that's one reason why i don't want any mental illnesses to appear in my medical record#plus the cost factor because i'm not sure if the insurance would even cover everything but i might end up paying for it myself#if it means the health insurance won't be informed even if it's probably a lot of money#but in order to get therapy i need to get diagnosed by a professional so once i read into it a bit more i'll figure out how to tell my mom#and see if i'll call this one therapist in my town who apparently treats psychosomatic disorders#i'm sincerely sorry to everybody i've talked to recently (aside from casual fandom chatting) who may have noticed me behaving kinda shitty#advice is greatly appreciated because this hit me like a train and i don't fucking want this. like at all#i thought my switching between depressed and anxious and angry and empty and hyper was just. idk something else but not That#mel talks
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Essentially what it is all boiling down to is I have fully realized I am bad at being a person, that will always be true, and I don’t know how to handle that
#I’m going to be depressing and self depreciating in the tags so. fair warning to anyone who reads them#I’ve known for a while now that I don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve thought of a few ideas but none of them seem to be working. and I#think a good chunk of what it’s boiling down to is that I am quite literally just stupid when it comes to an actual useful real life skills.#and it’s frustrating because I can’t even talk to ppl I know and confide in them that I feel dumb and stupid without them being like ‘nooooo#don’t say that! you’re not stupid! you were top of your class in hs!’ (that is their favorite thing to fall back on) but like. the thing is#I wasn’t even smart in hs. sure I did good but that’s because I cheated my way through and got lucky a lot. I never actually learned anythin#I never understood what I was being taught or how to apply it. I was good at English and art classes and that was it those were the only one#I truly felt I knew what I was doing in and grasped the subject matter well. I know I’m good at those two things and smart when it comes to#those subjects. but the thing is. in real life. both of those are useless skills. I can’t make money with them and it is highly unlikely#that will ever change. and yes I know not being able to make money with it doesn’t mean it’s useless but like it kinda does. capitalism#sucks. I know that. we all do. but that doesn’t change that we live in a capitalist society and it’s unlikely to actual change in my lifetim#so I’m stuck to try and figure out how to live in it. but I have no skills I can make money with so I will live my entire life poor and#miserable and working dead end jobs that make me want to kill myself. I’m not good at socialization I’m so fucking bad at it so I can’t work#any kind of job that hinges on networking or sales or human interaction which is MOST JOBS but I’m also too stupid for anything related to#STEM. I tried two different stem degrees and flunked out of both of them because I am a FUCKING IDIOT and I know there’s no point in trying#to go back to school for another one. but no degree in anything I naturally have a knack for will help me find a decent well paying job. ill#just be wasting my money to go to school for something like that. and then like. I don’t even think I’ll ever get married and I def won’t#ever have kids. so I can’t even put any hopeful stock in just being happy with a family one day. I know a lot of ppl who don’t like their#careers but they’re fine with that because they’re happy with their family but like I don’t even have that and I won’t ever have that. I#have NOTHING to strive for and NOTHING I am good at that’s meaningful I’m going to fail at having a career and a family and I know that#doesn’t mean I won’t be happy in theory but by societal standards I am and always will be a fucking failure of a person and since I do live#in this society yeah. it’s kinda fucking true. and I don’t know what to do about that. I’m just tired. I’m tired of being afraid and#struggling and going through patches of wanting to kill myself because of this because like what’s the point. I’ll never have anything#better so what in the actual hell is the point of me existing. and I know I’m being ridiculous and my brain is eating itself and none of#this is probably even true but that doesn’t change that it FEELS like it is a lot of times and esp right now and I don’t know what to do#to anyone who reads this I’ll be fine tbh prob as soon as tomorrow like dw about it I just need to get it out so I stop stewing in it.#I’m just. yeah. not having a great time rn but I left work so I’m gonna cry and then maybe sleep for a bit and hope that helps#kaz rambles
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OMFG I ONLY NEED TO MAKE $19/hr TO SURVIVE AFTER I MOVE HOME AND THAT WOULD COVER ALL OF MY LOANS AND MY PHONE BILL AND SAVINGS AND EVERYTHING.... do my parents know that they are saving my fucking life by allowing me to move back in fhskdhdj holy shit bro
#tirah talks#i currently have to make SO MUCH MONEY to sustain myself w rent and loans#if i hadnt handled my money so poorly in the past few years i would have so much extra money smh#but since i fucked up i HAVE to make a certain amount to make sure i dont go back to school with a personal loan AND a student loan#so if i want to stay here i cant do an entry level jp bilingual job#they actually pay quite a lot but Not Enough#anyway i have no attachment to this place or my fucking $1500 rent#so finding out how much less i can make when rent is no longer a concern is SUCH a relief
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that one ask aabout specialized idols reminded me of the ask about all the kpop academies that are opening. I'll make the distinction now,,,, theres a difference between a regular casting and shopping around for a specific flavor of idol. for example, i liked to look at a groups debut lineup and see how many of them were approached by the company first. then look at the company to see if there are more casted idols than ones who auditioned. this shouldnt be surprising but most groups have idols that were casted. they were approached first with no previous hints to having a talent. so theres always been that "specialized" idol thing happening,,, however now that more academies are opening and more official kpop companies are opening academies where people can pay to train there and get private auditions, headshots, modeling lessons, the whole package its not really a surprise kpop companies depend more on those than combing through heaps of online auditions. they can make money while scouting talent they dont have to pay to train. yg has one, sm opened a whole school?? mnet the tv company has one, fnc, cube bought one in china etc. while its not the worst thing to happen to the industry i doooo think this correlates to how young idols are now. most of these kids have been training their whole lives already so they are skilled enough than a average kid/teen who dances as a hobby and hasnt gone to a arts school. companies dont wanna invest anymore.
what the fuck are you talking about. i don't even know where to start with this. how the fuck do you think casting WORKS????? you cast someone FROM AN AUDITION, that's what auditions are FOR?? like 95% of idols are literally casted from auditions??? and people that audition are ones that are usually already skilled at whatever they're auditioning with???? and also who cares if someone has a 'specialized' skill?? you have learn a lot of new ones to be an idol anyways? and also there's nothing wrong with kpop training academies existing? so by this logic all ballet schools and music conservatories and theatre schools and art schools are bad for their respective industries???? people that actively WANT to study and learn and train in art are inferior to people randomly found off the street?? also no it doesn't correlate to how young idols are now???? idols have always been debuting young did you forget about taemin hyuna minzy krystal changmin KANGTA??????????? none of those people went to specialty vocational schools and they still debuted as minors?????? also what the fuck do you mean companies aren't willing to invest in training anymore. what? establishing a fucking school isn't investing???? how much do you think it costs to run a fucking SCHOOL???????????????????
#look. a lot of art education its vastly overpriced in order to line university pockets for no reason other than capitalism#i know this i paid for a £40k piece of paper#but art schools are actually so expensive to run?? the amount of ppl that you have to pay + space + materials + equipment???#they are MASSIVE investments and almost never profitable unless you charge money for tuition??#also the logic of 'oh the company's not directly paying for the training anymore' doesnt even make sense?#you do know that these schools are not staffed by business people?#they will employ actual artists and teachers who are there to find the best performers?#like yes this is a deeply capitalist system but there are still artists that work in it???#genuinely what the fuck are you trying to say here. this is incomprehensible#also not to say this again but kids going to art schools and doing art is not a bad thing???? how the fuck do you think people get started?#text#answers
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Crazy Ex-Girlfriend accurately conveying what it was like for me to graduate college into a professional world with no upward mobility but A WHOLE LOT of inspirational wall decorations. 🤣🙃🙃🙃
#original#worst part of college for me was the career fairs cause as far as I can tell there was no vetting process for what businesses were there#so I was really really strongly encouraged to go to these things by my parents and professors like every 6 months and it was like...#every single business there seemed to be offering either shitty exploitative low-paying jobs or soul-crushing low-level government work#I guess businesses that offer actually quality jobs just send out requests for applications - they don't send people to fairs at colleges#so it was an incredibly depressing and sobering time where all of this really aggressive inspirational rhetoric I'd been fed my whole life#just slammed up against this very uncomfortable reality#🎵 I AM THE MOMENT. THE MOMENT IS ME. 🎵 😬😬😬#there are jobs out in the world that don't suck ass but the job market is deeply fucked up in general in hyper capitalist america#and I was paying a lot of money to go to this fucking school that was supposed to set me up with a career!#what the FUCK were Teach for America (very exploitative) and canvassing jobs (even worse) doing at the jobs fair for a business school?!#sometimes college is a scam y'all#crazy ex girlfriend#cxgf#(okay well actually the worst part of college for me was the trauma but that was largely not the fault of the school)
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#hi I’m going to complain for a quick second#so my parents have not contributed a fucking cent to my higher edumacation besides maybe three train tickets#I have paid two semesters so far by my self and with my grandmother giving me some money to help for transportation but that’s legit it#like my parents haven’t financially helped me at all okay#so my dad was going to do taxes today and he told me to print out the college tax thing and I got angry at him#because fuck you use me as a discount when you start to actually help me out at all#so we’re yelling at each other and he’s like oh isn’t there a parent account I can log into and I explain that no it’s fucking college#you do not have a day at all#he does not like this because he really likes being in control of shit#but it’s funny because for the first 16 years of my life he couldn’t give a shit less about my education last two years of HS he tries#to give unhelpful advice that just led to more stress (as in I got a 90 on a test and he’d ask why it wasn’t 100)#so we’re yelling at each other and my sister says to just ignore it because someone might aswell clame it for taxes instead of the state#and yeah sure fine but at least provide some support for me. or fucking tell me you’re proud of me that’s it that’s all I want#the only thing he has given me for school was a fucking BC tee shirt off of Amazon… that’s it#so now we are just fucking avoiding each other and it’s fucking awkward but my mom is treating it like I’m the bad guy here because#I’m angry they told me I had to go to college and now they won’t help me#like I understand that a lot of people don’t have their parents support to pay for college and they do drive me to the train station but#it’s just rude. and I can’t even talk to him about it because oh no big man feelings get hurt when $ is a topic but like grow the fuck up
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#feeling cute and powerful and also so afraid!#is it just human nature to google shit about different grad schools when youre 25#i wanna be a pa maybe but holy fuck it sounds hard and expensive#like. 100 grand in the hole kindsa expensive#and too hard to work at the same time#plus incomeless for like 2-3 years#but after you get to make absolute bank. like unfathomable amounts of money#but id need a LOT of help to make it happen? and i dont think i could go to my parents for it#or tatsuya even after he gets his phd#like. idk how i could make it happen and still pay half our rent at the same time#let alone pay for tuition#fucking wah why do people havw to have aspirations after starting antidepressants lmao#meredith talks
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once every three months i’m like, making this budget will Fix Me
#liveblogging life#i made a SPREADSHEET this time#will i use it??? it's anyone's guess#i'm bad at saving money because i just really dont pay much attention to my spending#like... when i was EXTREMELY poor i had no choice bc i would get overdrafted if i didnt pinch pennies#but now that im like.... moderately financially stable i can be a lot more chill about my money#but i'm trying to save money to try to buy a house (!!) and potentially go to grad school (!!) so i have to have a much tighter budget#which means cooking again instead of ordering doordash [sob]#i fucking LOVE making spreadsheets#filling them out tho............ Yikes
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Oh dear GOD
grabs your hand. you've had enough plot and exposition and character development lately im taking you to the beach episode
#the fucking day I’ve had holy fucking god#first things first#my giant ass puppet breaks mid March#second#I get a parking ticket at school#third#my dumbass forgot my antidepressants#fourth#my tire went flat finally#fifth#I witnessed a hit and run#while in the parking lot waiting for the triple a tow truck#then an Uber eats driver from one of my friends food ordering comes back and asks me for the code when my friend is very much not around#WHILE I’m trying to the tow truck driver who is very kindly holding my flat ass tire#I blue screen#I ended up telling the Uber eats driver the code and that works out fine but then#I goofed the next interaction bc I took the flat tire from the tow guy and put it in my trunk snd the poor dude just goes#‘I was going to do that’#and I just blanked and say thank you and shut the trunk door and left once he gave me the okay and changed my tire#AND THEN#my moms phone breaks and I have to send her money for it#which I don’t have#bc my loan money won’t come in and is stuck pending#so I use my credit card#and oh dear god the amount of money I am in the hole rn in is crazy#but alas#tomorrow I wake up#go get new tire#and pay my tickets#and everything will be good again
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agh i am Frustrated :/
#why does our boss Sucks#considering trying to nap it off but have a strong feeling it won't work + sleep schedule is already very fucked :/#i really really like our job!! but we also really really wanna move out!!#which we can't do if our boss keeps being a shithead#and giving us no hours and no default raises#like Please i feel like we're not asking for a lot#genuinely considering trying to get another job just for the money. but at the same time i can't imagine the manager at like. dairy queen#would be much better#i should get paid to lay in bed and fag it up $100/hr#if anyone has any Adult Advice. please#like maybe there's a side/work from home job that would require less spoons that we can do to supplement?#how does one find those#especially since we're Young with No Experience (other than ouppy daycare)#and all we got in terms of Fancy Education is a high school diploma#i don't Wanna go to college and go thousands of dollars into debt for the off chance i might get a better paying job#okay. rant over. i think#just. aggh
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hoooooooo okay. new cover letter written, resume is ready to go, let's fuckiN DO THIS.
#the internal role/promotion i've been hoping for since last summer apprently fucking posts on wednesday!!#fucking finally#love that within a week of me starting to look for a new job this come back#i'm really happy with this cover letter#the Ask A Manager advice column has been such a game changer. i finally feel like i know how to write this shit#i'd really love to get this job. it will be A Lot of work. way more than i have now i think. but it'll be such good experience#because realistically i'm not going to be able to go back to school in any capacity while i'm working full time#and also this job will pay soooo much better than both what i'm at now and the stuff i'm applying for elsewhere#there's some corporate drama in my company that i'm not a fan of but tbh i don't think it's an uncommon kind. just money grubbing#which still sucks but like. it could be so much worse. and i really like what we do and (most of) the people i work with#this will be a good fit#if i'm lucky enough to get it#🤞#narrating my life
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( @amarriageoftrueminds tags) this is too fucking true
steve rogers: pr disaster | gen | 4k
(someone asked about the full version of this, so here u go)
“Wait,” says Sam, “you had a publicist?”
“For my first five months at S.H.I.E.L.D,” says Steve. “Then she quit. Uh, decisively.”
“Well yeah, she had to keep you in line,” Bucky says with a half-smirk. “How many times did you make that poor lady want to sock you in the face?”
“Lost count,” Steve admits. “I did offer to let her, once. Seemed fair.”
Sam laughs. “I feel like you’re sitting on a story here.”
“There’s no story,” Steve tells him. Sam raises his eyebrows. Bucky’s half-smirk tilts towards a full smirk. “Seriously,” Steve repeats, “no story.”
Interlude: The Story of Steve “Walking PR Nightmare” Rogers, and How For a Short While He Single-Handedly Destroyed the Emotional Health of Eva Laura Ortiz, His Now Ex-Publicist
Keep reading
#steve rogers#meta#Stucky fic#kinda#also the part about steve going against his own people in the name of doing good is one of the many things I relate to steve about#because rn (if you can believe) a lot of Irish people are talking bad about immigrants coming here to live here#there was even some people who threw a few of the ‘asylum seekers’ tents into the river#and NOBODY was was talking about how horrible it was#like I’ve had family who I thought I could look up to#talk shit about immigrants and talk about them as if they’re the feckin devil#it’s disgusting#especially considering the fact that our people not 100 hears ago were looked down upon and ridiculed#Irish people couldn’t even get jobs in America before I think the mid 1900’s#look up N.I.N.A signs btw if you wanna know more#I recommend learning about it#and considering we still don’t have our 6 counties back and it’s 2024 is insane#and these people are worried about people needing homes and trying to be safe#when there’s a fucking housing crisis in Dublin#I mean young people are paying a grand a month for student housing#they also just paid NINE FUCKING MILLION EURO on fucking phone pouches for schools#instead of using that money to help the mental health services where suicidal.#depressed kids are being told to take a hot bath or a walk#instead of being given help#it’s fucking insane#steve would go bonkers if he saw what his mother country is today tbh#anyway rant over#steve come to Ireland and rip these stupid politicians apart please#the news channel is currently on rn and our taoiseach 🤢 is talking a nd I want to kms just hearing him
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