aisawvhel

[aisawvhel]

05/28/24

today was the first practice for our graduation and this is how it went:

i was fighting with the voices in my head if i'll go or not because i was so hard since i didn't get enough sleep, so i was a lil hesitant if i'll go or not, but i still did go.

the practice started at 9am but they told us that it will start at 7 freaking AM !!!! but it wasn't really that boring, because while waiting for the practice to start, we went to the canteen to sit while waiting. we were sitting on one table and i was with my friends (my, geya, faith, shy, nd pool.) while the three girlies in front of me are doing some reports (messages) on each other's phone, the 3 of us are watching queen of tears. then then then there ws some teasing and a lil talking talking before the practice started.

sobrang tagal pa bago magsimula bcs of the seating plan dahil nagkakagulo-gulo and lito-lito ang everyone. tapos sa strand namin, grabe ang kahihiyan talaga !!! naka-ilang banggit sa strand namin ngayong araw att hindi ako natutuwa dahil nakakahiya talaga oo. then, habang nagsisimula na yung salitaan-salitaan, i was fighting with the urge of sleeping hahaha talagang antok na antok ako par, i even asked my classmate who was in front of me to move his chair backward so i could put my head on it so i can take a little nap. then after that, tinawag na kami sa stage isa-isa andhow funny was that... the teacher who's in charge of calling the names of the students pronounced my name wrong... like okay i get it mahirap siyang banggitin omg pero please learn how to pronounce it right as least ????!?!?!?!?!

then after the soooooo-long practice, pinauwi na nila kami. and before going home, nagpunta pa kami ni my sa vmall kasi nakakamiss gumala. we ate and talked; it was fun nd nice indeed.

this day wasn't so bad after all. (i miss my baby) thank you for a gentle day, universe.

— sincerely,

isobel.

[aisawvhel]

05/18/24

this day was the pup college entrance exam. soooo, this day was filled with hope and self-doubt lol, but still, I hope we all pass.

i was with shy, rod, geya, faith nd paul during this day so it wasn't too lonely for me since i have someone to talk to, and i love that i have them with me that day because i seriously don't know what to do i ever got there alone. during the exam, i have nothing in my mind but the thought of passing and hoping for a genius ghostly-brain to take over my mind for the mean time.

after the exam, i was still with them and we also got a picture together taken by the school's photographer that was posted on the school's socmed platforms. then, when we decided to leave, they asked me to join them to sm but i kindly declined since i have other plans that day.

after the exam, i went to my person's house to stay there for hours because i need a breather from home. we watched youtube videos, movies and we chit-chat a lot since we haven't seen each other for so long and that was the only day that we are not that kind of busy with our school's schedule. i had funwatching movies with her while talking to my boy hehehe miss na kita, baby ko.

soooo, you did well this day, Isobel. i am praying for us to pass. :)

— sincerely,

isobel.

[aisawvhel]

04/02/24

hi diary! as expected, i’ll be seeing you today as well :)

just like i expected, this day will be filled with happiness since today was picture day.

but first, i woke up around 4am and saw the news that my classmate passed away, and it is so devastating for me since he used to make the atmosphere in our room better with his jokes and stuffs. and seeing his friends earlier with those puffy eyes breaks my heart. it is too early for you to leave this world, classmate. but now, magpahinga na ikaw, wala ng pain d‘yan sa taas, classmate.

so, this day was the best! it’s better than i expected yesterday. maaga akong pumasok with nadi kanina tapos i saw him earlier this day hehehe. then when my girls came, that’s when my happy moments started.

i was with them the whooooole day and i ain’t complaining. so, i was wearing a very super light make-up earlier and i didn’t curl my hair bcs i was afraid na maging late, so umalis na ako before 6:30. annnnd, G made my make-up, siya yung halos nag ayos sa akin, and also, with my hair. i also loved the fact that i became more close to F and i swear she’s so nice and pretty! i was just waiting for G to send the pics earlier so i can take a better look at it and post it on my socials >////< then, right after taking photos for our graduation pic, we swaps pictures and i got G, F, S, P, C, A and J. i was a bit sad since i didn’t have any pics of R, E, and B but that’s okay. i got R’s picture on my though :)))) after the swapping of pics, we decided to stay na lang sa room since super init, then there, we played games. we made our pics (f’s cards) as our cards. the first game was, kailangan namin makuha yung own picture namin without peeking sa card na kukunin and the last person who find her/his pic ay pipitikin sa kamay. and yk what, the first thing i picked was R’s picture T_____T i am just hoping that they didn’t notice the way i acted earlier when i saw his picture. then the next game was B’s idea. sabi niya “kung sino ang mapipili mo, malaki yung matutulong niya sa‘yo sa future mo.” something like that, and guess who i picked... IT WAS R AGAIN !!!! i hope okay... i hope >////< i really like him so bad. then the last one before we came back again sa room 201 ay kung sino yung makukuha namin na card ay ide-describe namin then the rest ay huhulaan kung sino. and i love the way they described me as “tahimik” and “mabait” i forgot some pero all of the words they used to describe me made my heart happy. but G’s description of me was a bit realistic, not in the bad way okay, it’s just that, i love that she knows me so well :((( she even told anyone earlier that she won’t leave me again and i swear i almost cried, also F’s description of me earlier “mabait ‘to tapos feeling ko mapapa-ano siya sa‘tin” it’s like she’s saying na mapapalapit ako sa kanila lalo and i wish yes. i love being with them so bad. sadly we didn’t get to play again after the others got their own pictures but that’s alright. andddd last but not the least, i was their camera woman when they took pictures together. i wasn’t sad bcs i wasn’t there. i feel happy just being with them. i love how they made me feel like i belong to them. i might cry. tapos, nag buy kami ng mysip kanina and also water tapos i shared my mysip with S then i also asked P’s for water kasi mas uhaw ako sa water and i was so happy na he did let me drink sa water niya. tapos nung pauwi na, ang clingy sa akin ni F and my heart jumps >////< omg. i was so so so so sooooo happy, bye. then the last one, sabay kami ni S naglakad papauwi, then nag milktea kami both. ang saya-saya niya kausappppp. i wish to talk to her more in the futureee, sadly ngayon ko lang sila naging ganito ka-close kung kailan matatapos na ang s.y :((

i love being with you mostly, not really being with you but, just feeling you around me, i like it. idk why, basta i like you. and you’re a torpe pala. i wish to have more interactions with you in the future, R. :)

i guess ito na yon? i can’t remember anything na other than these e. so i guess this is it na.

thank you for this day, universe. please fill my april with happiness and kindness.

— sincerely,

isobel.

[aisawvhel]

04/01/24

hi, it’s a new. a new start. new chapter added to my life. what the fuck, ayoko na e. kimi ! :p

okay, so earlier wala naman gaanong nangyari. during morning time, kinilig at nabaliw lang ako sa binabasa kong story sa wattpad since my goal this month ay matapos lahat ng stories sa offline ko. bale, dalawa na natatapos ko tapos on-going yung pang third kasi medyo mahaba siya and pure english siya sis kaya mahilo-hilo ang utak ko.

mga 11 yata yon or 10, niyaya ako nila G sa room since lunch na raw, naka-tatlong iling ako pero she insisted kaya sumama na ako. ganon lang yon, pilitin niyo lang ako para pumayag ako. tapos edi ayon, nasa room na kami. masaya, malamig, pero malungkot kasi lowbat na ako oo, lesson na ito sa akin na magdala na ako ng sarili kong charger tuwing nasa school ako.

then during vacant time, kasama ko yung circle ni G hanggang sa mag exam kami sa p.e, and doon talaga nag lift up yung mood ko T___T ikaw ba naman makakasama ng mga ka-humor mo sinong hindi matutuwa ron, pero shempre medyo may nonchalantitis pa rin tayo kanina kasi yon talaga ang peg ko this month. pero fr, mamatay-matay ako kakatawa sa kanila kanina, and sobrang-sobrang saya nila kasama. G’s the first one to ask me if ayos lang ba ako kaya love na love ko siya, palagi niya rin akong inaampon. and also, sabi niya sa akin kanina na magpi-picture raw kami bukas (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠) she’s the best i swear !!!

tapos yon, thankful ako kay R since siya yung nagtaas nung upuan ko. ang nangyari kasi ay dapat kanya-kanya kami ng pag akyat sa taas nung mga upuan, tapos nagulat ako bigla niyang kinuha yung upuan ako 🥹🥹🥹 kaya ayon, nag thank you naman ako ‘no! tsaka pala, ang cute niya tumawa kanina. idk if i made him laugh noong sinabi kong “aww, kawawa naman” kasi Paul was teasing me ab sa ex ko na kasama nila sa circle oo (na dating nasa circle ko rin) tapos sabi niya “tanong mo kung miss niya” then i asked, “break na ba sila?” tapos yon, nung sinabi kong “aww, kawawa naman” tumawa siya. then then then, nung buhat-buhat na niya yung upuan namin, nahulog yung jacket niya kaya ako na lang nagdala, tapos kinuha na lang niya sa akin after. ang saya-saya nila kasama i swear, sayang lang at wala sina S at B kanina.

tapos nung pauwi na kami, kasabay ko sila maglakad tapos bumili kami ng fries hehehe i feel like deserve ko naman yon since i survived this day. tapos ayon, masaya akong umuwi :)

so, that’s it for today. i’ll probably meet you again tomorrow, diary. and i hope na sana i’ll be writing happy moments again, like this one. thank you for starting this month softly with me.

— sincerely,

isobel.

[aisawvhel]

03/23/24

hi :) i’m so tired. i did nothing today but i feel so so so so tired. i have a lot of things in my mind and i want to let it all out here since no one’s gonna find this.

my lolo, he’s at the hospital right now and we almost lost him earlier. gladly he’s fine right now. please don’t take him away from us. i don’t want to lose one of my lolo’s again.

my family. they’re always arguing. my mom’s attitude, and my dad’s drinking. they make it even more hard for me to keep going, and it’s so suffocating, I feel like i can’t even breath in this house. the only thing that makes me keep going is my little brother, what will happen to him if i leave? i don’t know and i’m scared to know. he’s my only reason to keep going. but i can’t keep being this strong, i can’t always be strong. i want to cry but i can’t, i want to leave but i can’t, i want to escape but where? everyone’s suffocating me. i can’t even ask for help.

universe, please be gentle with me. if i have to beg, then i will. i just can’t do this anymore. it’s so hard that i can’t sleep in peace at night thinking of what will happen to my family tomorrow and the day after.

please give me a breather because i’ll die of suffocation.

— isobel.

[aisawvhel]

03/21/24

hi !! today i went to my school to get my documents then after that i rested for a little-long-bit before starting the first day of my immersion. i waited 3 hrs i guess ? before i got inside the office bcs boss wasn’t there yet and thennnn, right after i got inside, he talked to me ab how will i do my immersion so i explained it to him (i pressurely explained myself, really) then i started at idk-what-time. it wasn’t really that hard, but the paperworks are 😐😐😐😐 left brain almost cried and my right brain was breaking down. i also got to meet mara and shawn (or shaun, idk) they’re my father’s bar waitresses and they are so beautiful !! i like dem both :3 also, the vocalist, she’s nice, i like her.

so i guess that’s it? i mean, i was tired yes but it was okay. at least i already started my immersion and i have an idea of what i am suppose to do for the next 9 days.

ps. i called my mom everytime i get homesick (our house are literally just in front of the office... so what ! i have separation anxiety)

first day of immersion, done !! 🪻🫀

— you matter ! love, isobel.

[aisawvhel]

03/18/24

hi, so today i went to school without any sleep and breakfast because we have our NAT... i reviewed all night but it wasn’t even on the questionnaires so what the fuck.

i was with dada and cess earlier, and we (me and dada) got to see the sunrise together because i arrived at school at 4:30 something since they told us that the test will start at 5am so i did not had any sleep at all. but guess what, the test started at 8 FREAKING MORNING !!! so i was there fighting the sleepiness in my system.

i think i did well on the test, all the questions are answerable and it wasn’t that hard at all (well, goodluck to me tomorrow, then) sooooo, guess that’s it? oh, and also i love the way he smiled at me earlier hehehe he greeted me with his smile, and i swear my heart pounded so damn fast because of it.

so yeah, that’s it for my today’s diary !! you did well today, isobel !! you deserve a fairyland rest right now 🫀🪻

— love, isobel.

[aisawvhel]

03/13/24

this day was kinda tiring and boring but anyways, these are the highlights of my day.

— i woke up around 10 or 11 bcs my father woke me up, asking me if what time do i need to leave for school, and i told him that i don’t know yet bcs I DON’T KNOW. then i asked my classmate ab the schedule for today and she said that we we’ll be having a review for our NAT sooooo, i went to school and got there at exact 12 noon.

— we reviewed mathematics and physical science today, and it’s not that hard but hard enough for me since i have no brain. i am still waiting for the teachers or our president to send us the reviewer that they were discussing earlier.

— at first, i was alone bcs i do not want to go to my classmates’ seats bcs it is toooo far away from mine, so i have decided to stay there instead. then i saw my guy classmate, and he invited me to sit with them (he & idk who) but i refused bcs i do not want to, not bcs i do not want to sit with him but bcs i am not in the mood to stand up and walk. he is a nice guy btw.

— and while listening (well, not really) my other classmates came and sat with me. again, i was not minding being alone but thanks to them i had a company earlier. and she is soooo pretty, like really really pretty. i like her smile so much and it makes me heart flutter.

— lastly, they asked me to go with them to eat outside so i went bcs i was hungry and bored... i drunk choco shake while they got their own tea and that was it. i wanna walk with them but just nah. my favorite thing was hugging her and her. i luv luv luv dem so much, they are so kind and pretty (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠)

that’s it lmao bye

— love, isobel.

[aisawvhel]

03/12/24

so this day was a hella ride... first of all, what the fuck? nag sayang lang ako ng pamasahe, wala rin namang klase jusq.

fav part of this day? prolly that part when we went to give our notebooks to our teacher and we were laughing are ass off bcs of how big the fucking check is.

this day was good ngl, not-so-good but just good.

— isobel.