#but it’s hilarious that as an adult i’m still paying for everything I use but I still have to ask permission genuinely fuck off

[leahsgf]

Looove Lucy taking care of reader.

Could I have more? Maybe Lucy is the worried older sister who makes sure reader doesn't get separated from the group when they go out, or that she ends up spending her money on too many sweets. Thanks <3

REINS - lucy bronze

lucy bronze x sister!reader

pure fluff about lucy being an overprotective older sister to you

her role as your big sister was one that lucy arguably took the most pride in out of all of her duties in her life - and that had always been the case, even back in the days when she was a teenager, and would often forgo going out with her friends in order to play and spend time with you.

even when it meant clinging onto the reins that were attached to your backpack to prevent you from running off for dear life in worry as you toddled around giggling - finding it hilarious.

the pair of you had always been inseparable, and all you had ever wanted to be was like her, having decided the instant you were able to grasp the concept of her job - that you were going to be a footballer too.

so that’s exactly what you did, and lucy’s protectiveness over you only increased as you did so, especially when you received your first call up to the lionesses alongside her.

you were more than a decade younger than her, freshly faced and new to every part of what you were experiencing - being the youngest on the squad by a considerable amount, meaning that lucy worried about you constantly, even more than usual, and watched over you like a hawk.

-

a team day out exploring the city in a country you’d never been to before had the older girl as pale as a sheet just thinking about all of the different possibilities.

“stay with me - or one of the girls at all time, okay? please be careful. if anyone, and i mean anyone tries anything or makes you uncomfortable in any way you need to tell me immediately. this is a new place to us all so just be extra war-” you cut off her rambling before she talked herself to death, playfully rolling your eyes, insides secretly warming at how much she cared for you.

“luce, it’s okay. i know. i won’t wander off. i’m a big girl”

“okay.” she breathes, giving up on the remainder of her speech, instead settling for “i just remember you being so tiny you could fit in one of my hands like it was yesterday, and i just want you to be safe.”

“i promise. i’ll be fine.” you linked pinkies with her, knowing you’d be glued to her side regardless.

“don’t make me get the reins back out. i remember how much of a menace you were, running off all over the place!”

she pointed at you warningly, and if it weren’t for the stern expression across her features you would’ve laughed.

“that was when i was three!”

“i’m just saying! the threat remains!”

-

no matter how old you got, or how far you progressed in your career, lucy still would refuse to let you pay for anything, slipping you money with a wink and a finger held to her lips, like you were six again and giggling behind your parents back.

“you’re my baby sister, don’t be silly. absolutely not.” she would insist, playfully slapping your hand away as you reached for your purse, sticking a pile of notes or in its place.

“make sure you don’t spend it all at once, kay? i expect to see some change when you come out!” she called after you as you were pulled into the sweet shop by ella and alessia, who’s playful grins told lucy that she’d be very unlikely to see you return with any money to spare.

not that it mattered in the slightest really, she just loved teasing you and treasured looking after you, not quite ready to give it up, it being one of her favourite parts of her life, even when you were nearing being an adult yourself.

-

tried to fit in everything that you requested! thank you for it i enjoyed writing it - and happy new year!

not proof read so i apologise if there’s any mistakes

[letsgoletsgetit08]

ink ch.7

summary: Park Seonghwa has been given an ultimatum by his parents: a year to marry a woman of their choosing with the end goal of producing an heir to the family fortune since queer party boy Seonghwa can't be trusted with it. His solution? Get absolutely blasted in tattoos to scare off his possible suitors and their families. But why did his tattoo artist have to be so pretty and kind? It's enough to make him question some things. Possibly, everything.

pairing: park seonghwa x hwang hyunjin

warning: mdni, barebacking, oral sex, public sex

total word count: 30,328 | chapter word count: 3,952

ao3 link: chapter 7

VII: what goes around

Seonghwa woke up to an empty bed and a text from Nellie apologizing, saying she had an early pilates class she had to get to. He understood, but he couldn't deny how alone he felt. 

He knew he had a lot to do but didn't exactly know where to start. So instead, he ordered breakfast delivery and sat on his oversized “adult” bean bag chair in front of his TV, playing his favorite comfort movie, Spirited Away, as he wolfed down his breakfast potatoes and omelet, nursing a large cold brew. Instead of feeling more awake, he just felt jittery and on edge. Great. 

He still wasn't really ready to face the music, so he texted the group chat with all his friends in it, largely unused except to plan the next Twink Dinner and an occasional text from himself asking if anyone could hang out, which is exactly why he was using it currently. 

Me 

Anyone down to hang out?

He waited on a reply for a second, then before he could think better of it, sent a second text. 

Me

I kinda fucked up and I could really use a friend right now. I know you're all busy so I understand if no one can, but I thought I'd ask. 

I love you guys. 

The texts flooded in a few minutes later. 

Joong

I don't have time today but I could meet tomorrow. I'm sorry, buddy. 

Jjonghooo

I can also meet tomorrow. 

Yeothang

Jeongin told me what happened. I think I’m too close to the situation to get involved but I know you’ll do the right thing. 

Mingus

I’ll call you when I land 

Yuyu

Mingi, add me to the call. 

Mingus 

sorry, who is this? I don’t have anyone’s numbers saved to my phone

Yuyu

Shut up, Mingi. 

Mingus

oh hey yunho whats up

Wooyoungie

sannie and I are available later this week. 

Mountain Dew

We’re here for you, Hwa. 

That’s when Seonghwa cried for the second time in twenty four hours. He really did love his friends so much and he felt he had spent a lot of time taking advantage of the fact that they stuck by his side despite the direction his life took after he graduated college.

If he was completely honest with himself, he knew that there were other avenues he could have taken, he could have gotten a job somewhere, probably a well paying one, too. But he was stuck in the victim mindset. Still mad at his dad, trying to drain his funds. Not that his lifestyle even made a dent in his dad’s funds. And by living like that, he was still centering his dad in everything he did. It was making him miserable. It’s not his dad’s fault that he’s unemployed and depressed. Or it was, indirectly, but it was time to stop giving him that power over his life. Truthfully, he was scared. He knew he needed to cut himself off now, with or without the possibility of gaining Hyunjin’s forgiveness. But he needed to talk to his friends first because despite having access to a lot of it, he had no idea how to manage money in the slightest. It’s a good thing Jongho was a lawyer at an accounting firm and Hongjoong had taken a recent interest in the stock market. Mingi was also impressively good at saving money, and he finally felt ready for his disarmingly sage advice. He felt that he had a pretty good place to start. 

“If all the information you just gave me is right, yes, we should be able to transfer your trust fund into a new account with only your name on it. It’s legally your money, and it’s both wild and hilarious to me that you technically haven’t touched it yet.” Jongho slipped his reading glasses off his face, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he laughed in awe at Seonghwa’s antics. 

Hongjoong stared at him disbelievingly, “You have actually just been spending your dad’s money this whole time? You’re telling me your trust fund is completely untouched?!” 

Seonghwa felt a little proud of himself then, “Um, yes. I was very serious about sucking the life force out of my father as much as I possibly could. And it’s mostly untouched, besides my Mercedes, but that hardly made a dent, honestly.”

“That’s actually really funny.” Hongjoong still looked like he couldn’t believe it, shaking his head. 

“What’s funny is that you’ve been dating a hot person and you didn’t tell any of us about it!” Seonghwa crossed his arms, waiting for Hongjoong to explain himself. 

The man blushed, unable to contain his smile, “It’s new but it’s really nice. He’s a music producer, as you know, so he understands my weird, long hours as an architect. It’s... Kind of everything I’ve ever wanted. We spend a lot of time in one of our studios or the other just working on projects, ordering food in, and forcing one another to call it for the night and go to sleep.” He was rambling and it was so nice to see him happy like this. 

“I’m so excited for you, Joongie, he sounds like he's gotten his shit together some since when we were seeing each other.” Seonghwa patted him on the back before standing up, “I’m going to go get another coffee, can I get you guys anything? This is probably the last round on my dad so make it count.”

They gave him their orders, the most expensive drinks on the menu, probably bound to be too sweet but it was a momentous occasion. 

Park Seonghwa was about to be on his own for the first time in his life. 

Hongjoong ended up recommending a few ways for him to invest some of his money so that he could grow his accounts and not rely on a flat sum of money. Even if he didn’t work, he would be set for a good while, but he wanted to work. He wanted to do something good in the world. Help the people that people like his dad would only exploit if given the chance. If he was lucky, he’d mostly be spending the money from his trust fund to donate to Felix’s charity, and to take Hyunjin on amazing vacations, buy him a nice ring someday, a little house for the two of them. 

If he was lucky. 

He tried not to get his hopes too high, but he knew he would do everything he could to earn Hyunjin’s forgiveness. Of course, if the man declined to give it to him and wanted to move on, he would leave him alone. 

He wasn’t crazy. 

He was just in love. 

After getting his finances sorted, the trio spent time getting caught up like they hadn’t been able to at Twink Dinner, Hongjoong telling them more stories about his soon-to-be boyfriend (he planned to make things official soon), about how Chris had invited him to his studio one night after they had both had a long, grueling week at work, and instead of finding him working, he had set up a picnic on the coffee table and they cuddled while they ate and listened to music. It was so incredibly sweet, exactly the kind of relationship Hongjoong deserved. Jongho had been performing at a few open mics recently, finally being brave and sharing his talent of singing with more than just his friends. It was a fun hobby and he was enjoying exploring it. He was even learning guitar. Seonghwa let him know how proud he was of him. His friends deserved all the happiness the world had to offer, he thought. 

He left with instructions on how to get his trust fund transferred and how to invest some of it, but more importantly, he left feeling incredibly grateful for his friends. 

Mingi called when he landed, as promised, later that afternoon, and added Yunho to the call as was requested of him. 

“Do I get to say ‘I told you so’ or are we not there yet?” Mingi asked immediately. Asshole. 

“Go ahead and get it out of your system.” Seonghwa sighed dramatically into the phone. 

“I told you so!” Mingi laughed at himself. 

“Do you feel better?” 

“Nah not really, I pretty much just feel bad for you, whatever you did.” 

Yunho cut them off, “Anyway, what happened, Hwa?” 

And he told them, sparing no detail, ignoring Mingi as he took offense to being told Hyunjin was better at topping than him, ending with him telling them about what he was doing with his trust fund and asking their advice on how he could possibly make things up to Hyunjin. 

“Woof.” Mingi said, very helpfully. 

“Very insightful, thank you.” Seonghwa deadpanned. 

“You're welcome!”

“He still has you blocked?” Yunho asked.

Seonghwa doesn't need to check. He's checked every waking hour since he realized it, “Definitely,” he answers through his teeth, the hangnail he's got between them being stubborn as he tried to bite it off. 

“Stop biting your nails, I can hear you through the phone.” Mingi instructed, “Give him like. A week at least, Hwa. Time to be mad, time to calm down, and time to start missing you. I'm not saying it absolves you or anything, but this kind of thing, maybe not this scenario specifically, but hurting someone's feelings, being brickheaded and making the wrong choice, this shit happens. It's just part of adult life. If you really want to build something with Hyunjin, and if he wants that, too, which I'm assuming he does based on how hard he took you fucking up, then you two have to be able to work through things. If you guys get back together, or together officially, I suppose, this isn't the last time you will hurt his feelings. He'll hurt yours, too. That's just what loving someone entails.”

“Mingi is right,” Yunho adds, “And I think it's pretty obvious that Hyunjin wants you to fight for him. He seems to have been hoping you would choose him in the first place, but I would also think if he knows you at all, he would know this is a big, scary decision for you to make. Just be honest with him about how you feel like you have been with us.”

“And look, dude,” Mingi chimes back in, “If he needs time to think about it, give that to him. If he is completely closed off to the idea of giving you another chance then we'll be there for you while you heal and move on, okay? Ultimately, if you two can't move past this then it would be for the best that it ended. Because it would mean you wouldn't be able to work through anything in the future. Relationships might be hard, but love has to be easy. And I can tell you love him.” 

“Absolutely, I don't think I've ever seen you care so much about something as you do this.” Yunho says matter-of-factly, “Not that you don't care about your friends, but you know what I mean.”

Seonghwa chuckles softly, feeling better after talking to them, “Yeah, I know what you mean. So should I ask Jeongin or Chris to see if he wants to meet up or what? If he doesn't unblock me, I mean.”

“I think if he doesn't unblock you, probably go by his tattoo shop right before close or something.” Mingi suggests. 

“Yeah,” Yunho agrees, “I think it's best to leave Hyunjin’s friends out of it. Until you get back together with him and ask Felix for a job, of course. Because you gotta do that.” 

“You definitely have to do that,” Mingi laughs, conspiratorially. 

“Okay. Yeah. All that makes sense. And I know, I will absolutely be asking Felix for a job as soon as this is cleared up. I'm actually kind of excited? Is that crazy?”

Yunho laughs, “From you? Very crazy. For most people, it's crazy to be excited about having a job, but for a different reason than it's crazy for you to be excited about having a job.” 

“But we're happy you're excited, man.” And he can practically hear Mingi smiling through the phone. 

“Okay.” Seonghwa takes a deep breath, “I feel much better about all this. Thank you guys for walking me through it. I um… I love you guys.”

“Love you too, buddy.” Mingi returns, almost at the same time Yunho replies, “Wooow Park Seonghwa loves us! We love you, too, you hot mess.” 

He would take “hot mess” any day over “party boy”, and he never thought there would come a day he would feel like that. 

“... and that's the Harvard method! Thanks for watching the tutorial, feel free to comment any questions you may have and don't forget to like and subscribe!” Seonghwa slammed his laptop shut as the end of the video played, cutting off the sound before the outro music could play. He rubbed his eyes, cracked his knuckles and neck, stretched his arms over his head. 

He had spent all week working on his resume and a template for a cover letter and he was exhausted. Exhaustion aside, he felt like it had come together very well and was honestly pretty excited to put it to use. 

But it was finally Friday and he was meeting Wooyoung and San for drinks and karaoke tonight, after sending a plea to them to do something fun. He had gotten good advice from his other friends regarding money and relationships and between that and spending all week formatting (and embellishing) his resume, he was in sore need of a night out with friends to take his mind off of things, give his brain a break. And for once that would entail good, wholesome fun instead of a night of party drugs and general debauchery. 

San was a notorious lightweight, and he and Wooyiung had beat Seonghwa to the karaoke bar by about ten minutes and were already half a drink in which meant San was loosened up, cheeks rosy already, arm around Wooyoung’s shoulder. Seonghwa couldn’t actually remember the last time he saw him not touching Wooyoung. The couple were so disgustingly touchy and in love that he feared at some point their bodies would form into one giant WooSan amoeba. He couldn’t bring himself to be as jaded about their state of being as of late though. Not now that he thought he had caught a glimpse of the feeling and could empathize. 

Wooyoung’s face lit up when he spotted Seonghwa walking in, stopping in the middle of whatever anecdote he had been yapping a mile a minute about into San's ever-attuned ear, to say hi and immediately order tequila shots for the group from the server walking by. Seonghwa knew immediately this was the right choice for the night. 

He debriefs them after they take their shots, telling them the abbreviated version of everything that has gone down, including his plans for how to approach Hyunjin and to get a job and everything. When Seonghwa got to the part about brunch, San stopped him to order another round of shots, a mark of his empathy for how naive Seonghwa had acted and how sorry he was in the aftermath. They didn't have much to add, advice-wise, but that was okay, that's not what the agenda of the night involved. 

What it did involve was them adding their names to the karaoke list and waiting their turns, biding their time by introducing even more alcohol into their system. 

Wooyoung and San started things off with a duet of Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! by ABBA, sending the crowd into hysterical applause. They were so good, Seonghwa made sure to capture video, sending it immediately to the group chat. They ate it up, of course, calling for an encore. He said he would be sure to pass the message on. 

He felt a little bad to bring the mood down slightly by following their act, but he had had Pink + White by Frank Ocean stuck in his head all week and felt like he needed to sing it out of his system. 

He was coping, okay? The people at this bar could deal with it. 

He made it through about two-thirds of the song just fine. That was, until he felt the uncanny sensation of eyes on him. 

He scanned the crowd and oh. 

Hyunjin was there, sitting at the bar, facing him, staring at him, lips slightly parted as he listened to his voice carry over the crowd, whose rapt attention he had managed to garner. A man, a little taller than him and handsome, though Seonghwa thought he would probably never find anyone who was quite so stunning as Hyunjin, was talking animatedly at Hyunjin, hand on his bicep. Suddenly the air was too thick and Seonghwa couldn't force it down his throat. He placed the microphone unceremoniously down onto his friends' table as he ran off stage into the bathroom, heard San take over the remainder of the song, cutting the line, ignoring the complaints as he locked the door behind him. 

He couldn't breathe, felt his vision start to get blurry as he struggled to catch his breath, quick and panicked and not delivering enough oxygen to his brain. 

He hasn't had an anxiety attack in years. 

He slumped against the door, back dragging down the wood slowly until he was fully seated on the ground, head between his knees, trying to slow his breathing but all he could see was Hyunjin’s face in the crowd and it wasn’t exactly helping calm him down. 

He had know clue how long he was in there, his ears were ringing and he could hear unintelligible muffled voices through the door, feel it vibrate behind him as people knocked, but he couldn’t snap out of it until he heard a female voice cut through, “Park Seonghwa, open up! I’m your fiance, you have to listen to me!” It was Nellie. And for some reason, hearing her voice out of context like that, when he had no clue she was even there at that bar at all, shook him out of his own head, at least long enough to stand up and open the door. 

A bit of a crowd had gathered, Nellie was standing at the door beside Wooyoung and San, whom he assumed had also been trying to make him open up. And a few paces behind him was Hyunjin. Seonghwa caught his eye, and saw him mouth the word, “Fiance?” 

He had tears budding in his eyes and was turning away, forcing his way through the crowd. 

Seonghwa followed after him without a second thought, vaguely aware of his friends calling for him and ignoring them all the same. 

He pushed his way through the bodies, unwilling to lose sight of Hyunjin, finally following him out the door, breaking into a jog as he called out his name as the man walked out front and hung a right around the corner of the building into the alleyway, “Hyunjin, wait!”

He had caught up at last, but stayed a few feet away, not wanting to crowd him. Tears streaked Hyunjin’s face and he wanted nothing more than to fix it.

“What?” He snapped coldly, “Now you chase after me?” He asked, eyebrows knit together in obvious anger, but the overall look was still one of profound hurt and sadness.

“I’m sorry, I should have the first time. And it was a joke… and inside joke, we’re not engaged, I-”

Hyunjin cut him off, “Seonghwa, I’ve been drinking, as I’m assuming you have, too, I can’t do this right now.”

“Can I just explain? I’m-” Seonghwa started.

“No, not right now. I can’t do this right now.” Hyunjin repeated himself, but still wouldn’t look at him, “You saw me and had a fucking panic attack and it’s all just too much. I need time to think about everything.”

“But-” He tried again.

“Hwa, I said no. Please respect that.” Hyunin looked at him sternly, eyes no longer dripping with tears.

Seonghwa didn’t know what else to do, so he just took a deep breath and said, “Okay. I’m so sorry, Hyunjin. Please get home safely.”

“I will. And stop apologizing, I can’t accept it right now. Just. Give me a little time.” He sighed, walking past Seonghwa back towards the entry of the bar. 

Seonghwa waited for a minute, and Hyunjin’s presence was soon replaced by his friends’. 

“I’m so sorry, Seongie, I didn’t mean to say that in front of him, I had no idea he was here.” Nellie offered, pulling him in for a hug. 

He hugged her back, “It’s fine, Nell, really. How would you have known? I didn’t know he was here and I didn’t see you here either.”

“Okay, sweetheart. Wooyoung and San are going to take you home now, yeah?” She asked.

He didn’t know if she was asking him or them, but they all answered, “Yeah.” 

By home, apparently they meant their apartment. Wooyoung sat with him and helped him remove his makeup, made him drink water while San found sweats and a t-shirt for him to wear. 

“Did you guys talk?” Wooyoung asked him quietly as he rubbed a makeup wipe gently across his face. 

“I tried, but he wasn’t ready to talk yet.”

“Yet? He said that?” Wooyoung asked.

“Yes, he said it multiple times.” Seonghwa sighed, “Made it very clear.”

Wooyoung hugged him suddenly, Seonghwa was never prepared for the man’s sudden bursts of affection but was too tired to do anything except lean into it, “Oh, Hwa, that’s great news. That means he wants to talk about it! Just not yet.”

He hadn’t thought of it that way, “Oh. I guess I didn’t think of that. But yeah, when you put it like that, it makes sense.”

“It’s all going to be okay, I think.” Wooyoung reassured him, “And if not, we’ll find you someone way hotter. Promise.”

“Way hotter than who?” San walked through the doorway, fresh clothes in hand, “Hyunjin? Don’t lie to him, jagi. That man is stunning.”

Wooyoung strided over to take the clothes from his hands, slapping him halfheartedly on his arm out of jealousy, “Hey!” 

“No one’s prettier than you, of course, darling.” San wrapped his arms around Wooyoung’s waist, pulling him in to land a kiss on his cheek.

The show of affection is what triggered Seonghwa’s tears this time. Wooyoung and San rushed over and sat on either side of him on the bed, comforting him as best they could, apologizing profusely.

He ended up tucked in between them in their bed that night. He hadn’t even protested, just let them coddle and cuddle him. It wasn’t something he would readily admit, but he was very glad for the attention and the comfort they were offering. It’s totally possible he hadn’t realized just how lonely he was until he met Hyunjin and now he felt his absence tenfold. But he had a tiny glimmer of hope, afforded to him through Wooyoung’s analysis of the mention of the “yet” Hyunjin had used in reference to the subject of talking things out with Seonghwa. And that glimmer was all he needed to keep going forward in his pursuit of righting things. 

The next morning, he began his obsessive routine of checking to see if he was still blocked via searching for Hyunjin’s account on Instagram. It took him a minute to comprehend, his fingers had typed the username so many times recently to no avail but this time, Hyunjin’s profile popped up. 

He was no longer blocked!

[karebear923]

GMMTV 2024 Part 2 was a lot!!!

Look, call me an ignorant basic bxtch but I’m a simple girl, it doesn’t take much to impress me 🤷🏽‍♀️ I didn’t have a bingo card cause I wasn’t expecting anything, I was just excited to see what they had this time around. So here’s my thoughts!

- Omg was the original Ossan’s Love this ridiculous?? 🤣 no but I’m glad to see EarthMix in something comedic, even though they do drama really well!

- THE HEART KILLERS!?!?!? FIRSTKHAO IS BACK!!! JOONGDUNK IS BACK!!! FINALLY A GOOD PLOT FOR JOONGDUNK TO REALLY ACT!!! AND FIRST SAID IT HIMSELF, THIS TIME HE’S THE ONE CHASING KHAO AND DUNK’S THE ONE CHASING JOONG!!! THIS SHOW’S GONNA BE 🔥🔥🔥

- Friendshit Forever is a hilarious title but my man New Thitipoom is hawttt!!! Him in those spicy scenes is gonna be 🥵🥵🥵 I WILL be watching, primarily for him!!!

- Well we had to have at least one formulaic show right? Perfect10 Liners seems good though! Idk, I’m still kinda new to BLs and I’m not tired of the engineering student stories (maybe just a tiny bit) I like the pairings but Junior does not pass for a college student lmao I’m sorry my dude.

Also there’s SO MANY people in this ensemble!! How much screen time is everyone gonna get??

- Us looks really good too!! I’m showing up for all the GLs until we get as many as we get BLs so then I can pick and choose what I like, but this is one I’m actually looking forward to!

- Y’ALL PUT LYKN IN A BL???? Ok but it looks good! With Est too! And William, the one LYKN member I know 😅 I’ll give it a try!

- We are getting the BounPrem vampire BL!! But without Boss Chaikamon 😭 I hope they change nothing else but the cast and by that I mean keep the level of heat they originally had!! 🌶️🔥🥵

- MARK PAKIN LEAD ROLE!!! IT’S WHAT HE DESERVES!!! AND WHAT WE ALL WANTED!!! And it’s a BL with Ohm!!! The plot’s nothing crazy but just having them is enough lol. And Jimmy’s in it too!! I screamed when I saw him!! Flirting with Ohm though?? How the tables have turned!!

- I’m glad my boys Gemini and Fourth are getting more serious roles!! Gemini looks good in that tough guy role and Fourth is in a show full of powerhouse performers!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I gotta look up Scarlet Heart now, I’m so intrigued!!

- I’m not a Peraya, I’ve never seen a KristSingto show. But I know they’re the fathers of GMMTV BLs so I pay my respects to them! 🙏🏽 and I know they’re happy to be back together! And I love that there’s a show about older adults and exes and just more mature themes! I’m looking forward to it!

Everything else looked okay, not really for me 🤷🏽‍♀️

Overall I’m really happy with what we saw today!! Like I said, I’m just happy to be here 😅 I don’t know about which directors are the best or which writers are the worst or anything like that. Of course I’m sad that my main man Sea wasn’t part of any of these announced shows but I know he’s gonna be in The Trainee which has yet to air this year! So there’s a lot to look forward to!

[punkscowardschampions]

Sylke

Sylvie: [during the week off you’re having because the school would at least have the decency to half-arse this with relative speed and not leave y’all hanging, might be a couple of days but shouldn’t really be longer than that when you’re doing the bare minimum lol]

Sylvie: My parents have talked to the head and [Sam’s mum]

Sylvie: She has to complete [and the details of this shaming nonsense course they’re sending you on ma’am, like how many hours or whatever the tea is] and they’ve both apologised, surely to Sam’s delight

Sylvie: Thought you’d want to know the outcome

Jake: Thanks

Sylvie: Head is keen for a line to be drawn under the whole thing so if [Sam’s mum] values keeping her job and on top of her mortgage, she isn’t going to repeat her mistake

Sylvie: even if her daughter remains a bitch on the low

Jake: She doesn’t have a mortgage, they’re renters

Sylvie: Even more reason to be an adult

Jake: Everyone believes it has been dealt with accordingly, who am I to disagree

Sylvie: It’s got you this far

Jake: My mother gets to book her own meeting, she’ll be happy

Sylvie: Sorry, like

Sylvie: at least this one doesn’t require you get your kit off, assuming your illness requires that of you

Jake: It won’t require me at all, they can talk about me like I’m not there all the more easily if I’m really not in the room

Sylvie: I didn’t go to mine, much to everyone’s annoyance 

Jake: I’d annoy her if I went

Sylvie: Isn’t that the goal?

Jake: It isn’t her fault I’m sick and taking it out on her isn’t going to heal me

Sylvie: You’ve given up hope on making her listen then?

Jake: She’s a nurse, she wasn’t ever letting me manage this my way, at school or anywhere

Sylvie: Probably not

Jake: For sure not

Sylvie: What are you going to do with how pissed off you are?

Jake: Maybe I’ll join a punk band

Jake: or learn to play bass

Sylvie: You’re not allowed to become actually cool, sorry

Sylvie: you’re needed, the pretentious singer-songwriter theatre kid that you are

Jake: I haven’t been a theatre kid since [whatever school year, cos he was younger and now he’s just a music guy]

Sylvie: The streets don’t forget, Jakey

Jake: Takes me back to West Side Story

Sylvie: Please tell me the Puerto Rican accents were forgone

Jake: [tell her whatever spin the teacher decided to put on it instead because y’all can’t be doing those accents in the year of our lord whatever year this was]

Sylvie: Smarter move than I knew [the drama teacher] was capable of

Jake: [give the art teacher some ‘credit’ because I’m sure it was a collab for better or worse]

Sylvie: If all else fails, you can run away to Broadway, or the West End

Sylvie: you’ve got options

Jake: France is still an option, I’m not totally failing that class

Sylvie: What if I want France, neither am I, break and all

Jake: Do you?

Jake: we could draw a line using The Seine, I guess

Sylvie: I’ve got to go somewhere

Sylvie: I suppose that could work, I’m not unreasonable

Jake: Or one of the other major rivers, depending which part of France you want

Sylvie: Have you been?

Jake: Not yet, my mother actually does have a mortgage to pay off

Sylvie: We did a weekend in Paris, during the ballerina days

Sylvie: I don’t know anywhere else, I’ll have to take the rudeness, fit right in

Jake: I should’ve taken my ballet more seriously while I still had my health, the dance school might’ve organised a trip then

Sylvie: Everything is starting to make so much sense

Jake: [send her the hilarious pic of you]

Sylvie: I was going to say you’ve always been the only straight male in a room full of girls but maybe they weren’t so sure about that

Jake: Straight male dancers exist

Sylvie: I’m aware, my dad still teaches

Jake: I know, he taught my sister

Sylvie: Where’d you go?

Jake: [wherever you did because you’re spoilt and you were clearly doing not just little kid ballet classes everyone does for fun but the whole thing]

Sylvie: That plie was serious business 

Jake: Not serious enough for a weekend in Paris

Sylvie: It’s my parents' thing, not that I didn’t enjoy [whatever ballet y’all went to see, probably a Christmas one] at the time

Jake: Talia got me into it too, she wanted a partner

Jake: until she wanted to stay home and watch [whatever show was this girl’s fave then]

Sylvie: That’s cute

Sylvie: until you got ditched for [whatever heartthrob was on this show, even if it’s silly]

Jake: I had the last laugh when they cancelled the show after 2 seasons, I guess

Sylvie: And rocked your tutu

Jake: Pride of place on the gallery wall, front and centre

Sylvie: This isn’t your first betrayal then

Jake: No, it isn’t

Sylvie: Still, great having decisions made over your head when you already feel like you’ve lost control of your body ain’t it

Jake: I’m sorry that’s how the petition came across, even if it was the least of your worries

Jake: I didn’t know what else to do

Sylvie: I get it, from your point of view

Sylvie: I stand by it being selfish but it’s not like you owe me anything so 

Jake: I fully accept how selfish it was

Sylvie: You weren’t, that’s what I’m not into

Sylvie: making out it was something it weren’t but neither of us got what we wanted so we can call it even, for real

Jake: A clean slate would be cool

Sylvie: The least of your worries too

Sylvie: but I’m not going to go off at you if I’ve got no reason, you can have that guarantee

Jake: How did Sam apologise? 

Sylvie: Begrudgingly

Sylvie: very obviously being held against her will by [whoever usually takes detentions because there are always a few teachers that love it lol]

Jake: What was her letter’s word count?

Sylvie: [actually take the time to count it because I’m sure it is hilariously low]

Sylvie: I feel the love

Jake: If she used the phrase [something cringe she said to him when she kissed him and he was horrified so she had to backtrack and be sorry], I feel cheated

Sylvie: Oh my God

Sylvie: The fact the ground didn’t swallow her up there and then shows how sorry she’ll never truly be

Jake: She’s tone deaf, in and out of the music block

Sylvie: The boycott will happen without community organisation, yeah

Jake: Yeah

Sylvie: You already think all I do is bitch about people

Sylvie: only for shit people can and could help though, there’s the difference between me and Samantha

Jake: I don’t think that

Sylvie: When I was coming for you, I should’ve left your friends and girlfriend out of it, cheap shots

Jake: I’ve got no room to talk, so I’m not

Sylvie: You’re allowed to suck right now more than usual though

Sylvie: I’m thinking of taking the free pass and running with it, honestly

Sylvie: the perks are minimal, get ‘em where you can

Jake: I don’t get the pass until everybody finds out

Sylvie: Hmm, maybe

Sylvie: you can bank on some brooding that makes sense in hindsight though

Jake: I’ll bear that in mind too

Sylvie: It’s not what you wanted but you might suit it

Jake: There might be songwriting perks

Sylvie: Absolutely

Sylvie: all artists are tortured

Jake: The list of historical figures with the same diagnosis as me usually claim it’s the best thing that ever happened for their art

Sylvie: Who are you to disagree?

Sylvie: I don’t think anyone is ever claiming that about what I’ve been lumped with

Jake: You could be the first to romanticise it, if you weren’t so averse 

Sylvie: I’d like to see you try

Sylvie: nothing could be less romantic

Jake: Okay, I’ll see what I can do

Sylvie: Good luck with that

Sylvie: You’ve not been given a challenge like this before, Cohen

Jake: You already don’t like me, or your diagnosis

Jake: I haven’t got much to lose

Sylvie: That’s the nihilistic spirit that’ll see you through

Jake: I’m a realist

Sylvie: Is that so

Jake: And you’re really adamant we both suck

Sylvie: I’m the one that gets to be offended, not my shitty body

Sylvie: and you don’t care so I don’t need to worry

Jake: Who says I don’t care?

Sylvie: You definitely did

Sylvie: when you were trying not to say worse

Jake: When you provoked me

Jake: that doesn’t count

Sylvie: Yes it does

Sylvie: you provoked is realer than you being nice

Jake: That’s like saying my drunk friends are realer than the teetotalers 

Sylvie: They’re more inclined to tell the truth, yeah

Sylvie: even if they’re also inclined to talk a lot of bollocks too

Jake: 50/50 split probably

Sylvie: Are you allowed to drink now?

Jake: In small amounts, but nobody agrees on what that’s supposed to mean

Jake: it’s a no dressed up as a maybe

Sylvie: Snap

Sylvie: the judgment is heavy, may as well say ‘you’re already fucked up enough, do you think you should be chancing it?’ out loud

Jake: Whenever they don’t want me to do something they call it a trigger now

Sylvie: I fucking hate that word

Jake: Or say it’ll make my meds less effective, when they can’t guarantee how well they’re going to work anyway

Sylvie: Kid gloves and cotton wool, just in case

Sylvie: it’s all just in case, what if it’s for nothing and we could have lived our lives and been fine?

Jake: No one wants to have that conversation, the one where we do end up running off to Paris instead of being miserable

Sylvie: I’m not letting my parents care for me forever just because they would

Sylvie: the stuff that is bad for us is bad for everyone, we’re just meant to be virtuous to make sure we aren’t causing our illness and being bad sick kids

Jake: My mother got the t-shirt and that was all she got

Sylvie: You’re going to be more determined than anyone not to let it happen again

Jake: My father’s death didn’t leave her rich, mine would bankrupt us

Sylvie: You’ve got to make it to adulthood, make it your problem entirely

Jake: By living virtuously? 

Sylvie: I think virtue is the lie people tell themselves when they’re scared about their odds

Sylvie: so no, pure dumb luck

Jake: 4 years, minimum 

Sylvie: Then Paris

Jake: My half of

Sylvie: Got time to hash out those details

Sylvie: I’ll ask [their French teacher] what side I want

Jake: I’m committing my own betrayal if I don’t insist on the Jewish Quarter

Sylvie: Well, you should get in touch with your roots, dick move if I stand in your way there

Jake: 4th arrondissement but you’d know the way better than I do

Sylvie: Right by the river

Sylvie: There are 20 arrondissements, apparently, an even 10 split sounds good

Jake: Sounds fair

Sylvie: I am fair

Jake: Me too

Sylvie: Are you?

Jake: I try to be

Sylvie: Yeah, I think that’s genuine

Sylvie: from my outsider perspective

Jake: Genuinely the nicest you’ve been to me

Sylvie: I’ll stop

Jake: Are you feeling okay?

Sylvie: Shut up, boy

Jake: I do have French homework to concentrate on, if I’m going to move there

Sylvie: Suck up

Sylvie: I’m bored enough to do homework though, can’t lie

Jake: [tell her what it is if she really is bored enough to wanna do it]

Sylvie: Merci, perdant

Jake: De rien

Sylvie: Are you still freaking out about Sam’s mammy and her mouth?

Jake: She’ll lose her job the next time, if there is one

Sylvie: It’s not really about her, I know

Sylvie: it was easier when you could act like it was

Jake: I can’t worry, stress is a trigger

Sylvie: What ain’t, kale and yoga

Jake: I’ve been vegan since I was [however old] already

Sylvie: Living like a Buddhist monk should be right up your street then

Jake: Not the hairstyle

Sylvie: People would truly mourn

Jake: If you see me sporting it, you’ll know it’s against my will

Sylvie: You want to know you still have the option

Sylvie: even if you do the ‘right’ thing anyway

Jake: People are going to mourn the band

Jake: and me going out less

Sylvie: You’ll mourn if it turns into a phobia

Jake: You should be happy you get custody of all the venues

Sylvie: ‘Course, I’m thrilled

Jake: [the venue where he had his 2nd fit most recently] awaits

Sylvie: What are you going to do instead?

Jake: Stay in, become that couple

Sylvie: You sound less thrilled than me and I made a point not to

Jake: I’ll still have to make sure nothing happens in front of her, it’s not like I can relax

Sylvie: Stress is a trigger, so I’ve heard

Jake: What isn’t?

Sylvie: You’re going to make your worst nightmare come true if you don’t try to chill the fuck out though

Jake: You think I don’t know that?

Sylvie: Then change up the plan

Jake: To what?

Sylvie: You want to be with her but not tell her, then you need to create more space, not glue her to you

Sylvie: not that I think that’s a brilliant idea but that’s your goal 

Jake: She isn’t just going to be cool with me pushing her away

Sylvie: Think of a reason that’s not the real one

Jake: Like if I was performing at [the cool kid event because we can bring it back]

Sylvie: Exactly

Sylvie: you need to focus on rehearsing, get in the zone, it shouldn’t be hard for this shit to come out your mouth, I can hear it already

Jake: But she’s my muse, she comes to every rehearsal, it won’t work

Sylvie: You’ve got something else to write about now

Jake: She doesn’t know that

Sylvie: You can tell her without telling her what, can’t you?

Jake: No, she’ll think there’s someone else

Sylvie: Jesus

Jake: What would you think if your boyfriend was being distant and that vague about it?

Sylvie: I wouldn’t be in this situation

Jake: Put yourself in it for a minute

Sylvie: I wouldn’t be in such a crappy relationship, I’m sorry

Jake: Every relationship has issues to work through

Sylvie: You don’t trust her, I don’t know what you can do when that basis isn’t there

Jake: I don’t want to burden her with this, to be one

Sylvie: You will

Sylvie: or you’ll turn into a total dick in the pursuit of not

Jake: My mother talks about my father like he’s 2 separate people, before he got sick and after

Jake: she loved him but they weren’t in love anymore, they couldn’t be, because of everything she had to do

Sylvie: You aren’t dying in the same way

Sylvie: if that’s a 10, you’re a 5

Sylvie: it wouldn’t have to be like that

Jake: It would still be different

Sylvie: Yeah, the only way it’s staying the same is if you freeze it in time

Jake: Or I die this second

Jake: but I’m not sick enough to do that

Sylvie: You either want her with you as you are now, or you don’t

Jake: I don’t want anyone with me as I am now

Jake: I don’t want to be who I am now

Sylvie: Got to face reality on that one

Sylvie: no shit you don’t

Jake: Reality sucks

Sylvie: You’re telling me

Sylvie: at least you have someone to dump, pushing away friends and family is harder to do

Jake: You’re telling me, my sister won’t take the hint

Sylvie: If one more person offers me their bowel

Jake: I’ll need mine in Paris, they hate vegans there

Sylvie: You’re fucked

Sylvie: if that wasn’t already the resounding message

Jake: Merci

Sylvie: but welcome to your bowels, and the rest of your organs, I’m not interested

Jake: An organ transplant isn’t going to fix me, yours are safe too

Sylvie: Narrowing it down, I won’t start 20 questions however close I get

Jake: You aren’t that bored

Sylvie: Not that much of a dick

Sylvie: if I’ve got one thing, it’s how much you want to keep this private

Jake: Your next move wouldn’t be to make posters, if you guessed

Jake: or I told you

Sylvie: Have I shamed you into not sucking so hard?

Sylvie: Because I need the win right now

Jake: I’ve learnt my lesson, yeah

Jake: you win

Sylvie: Not hollow at all

Jake: Everything feels hollow right now

Sylvie: We sound like [a really emo local band] fans

Jake: Rock bottom

Jake: which I think is what their demo is called

Sylvie: Of course it is

Sylvie: the only way is up is an embarrassing comeback/state of affairs

Jake: What’s your favourite song by [the band he remembers seeing her in the front row at]?

Sylvie: [top 5 at him because the sort of people y’all are]

Sylvie: but [the song] by a longshot, honestly

Jake: Cool

Sylvie: Do you like them?

Jake: I only like [the song she said was her fave]

Sylvie: It’s their best one, so that’s an acceptable answer

Sylvie: I’m not their groupie or anything

Jake: You can stand where you want, we got there too late to be anywhere but the back

Sylvie: Fashionably or for an actual reason?

Jake: [some of his friends] were working

Sylvie: You don’t have a job yet?

Jake: I didn’t expect to be suddenly unemployable, I thought I had time

Sylvie: Wasn’t judging, me either

Jake: Talia works [wherever she does that Maggie saw her, in my head it’s giving like health food shop vibes, whether that’s like a juice bar, a holland and barrett type deal or a trader joe’s energy] she was going to put in a good word for me before we stopped speaking

Sylvie: My cousin said, yeah

Sylvie: you’ll be a dead cert now, diversity hire

Jake: I wanted to work somewhere like [pete’s record shop, and other places these cool kids hang out]

Sylvie: You still can, I’m not going to just say it to make you feel better

Jake: [top 5 at her of where you would, not that your mum will ever let you now but we’re imagining a world where you could]

Sylvie: You’d be a good fit for [one of these places, not actually being rude with it just genuine lol]

Jake: You’d be for [one that’s giving fanfic trope of being next door/across the street so they can wave at each other but also genuinely]

Sylvie: As long as there’s a line to be drawn between us at all times

Jake: [telling her you’ll draw one across the classroom of whatever their first class they have together is ready for when she comes back after her week off because you shamelessly have already thought about her coming back to school, we see you]

Sylvie: I might just refuse else, make it your problem

Jake: You’d make [the teacher] have a problem with me

Sylvie: Yep, teacher’s pet

Jake: [that one teacher who hates everyone] doesn’t like me

Sylvie: That one actually isn’t your fault though, they don’t like anyone

Sylvie: if you’re going to be disliked, it should be on your own annoying merit

Jake: Mine, not yours

Jake: don’t be difficult

Sylvie: Are you telling me what to do?

Jake: I’m not your teacher

Sylvie: The only people you listen to

Jake: And you’re not my mother, no matter how many times you add a babyish y to my name

Sylvie: I don’t want to be, thank you very much

Sylvie: not my fault it suits you

Jake: It isn’t your fault Sylvia suits you, which is why I haven’t said so until now

Sylvie: Wow

Jake: If you want to be [the emo band]’s groupie

Sylvie: Obviously there’s nothing I want more

Sylvie: the line is so long though

Jake: Quel dommage

Sylvie: Garcon stupide 

Sylvie: you have basically told me to go stick my head in the oven, Mr. Nice Guy

Jake: I’m not telling you what to do

Sylvie: Fighting talk from a pacifist, yeah

Sylvie: you would never

Jake: It’s you who has an opinion to express about everything until I ask you to walk a mile in my shoes Sylvie: You asked me to walk a mile in her shoes, technically

Jake: If you want to be that pedantic about it

Sylvie: You aren’t actually one being, whatever you tell yourselves

Jake: And you aren’t superior, whatever you tell yourself

Sylvie: To your lies and codependency? 

Sylvie: I am though

Jake: Everybody lies

Sylvie: I wouldn’t pretend to be a different person for as long as she has, I don’t see the point

Sylvie: the point is you, to her, but that’s not a good enough reason to me

Jake: I don’t understand who you think she’s pretending to be, or actually is, whichever

Sylvie: I know you don’t

Jake: She wouldn’t change her whole personality for me and I’d have noticed if she had

Sylvie: You wouldn’t, you haven’t

Sylvie: you see what she wants you to

Jake: My friends would say something if I’d gone blind

Sylvie: It’s not worth it, getting involved with couple drama

Sylvie: suddenly you’re jealous for just pointing out the obvious

Sylvie: if it works, it works, she chose the gig

Jake: Why would she do that?

Sylvie: To be with you, you idiot

Sylvie: she’d rather that than be her own person

Jake: That doesn’t make any sense

Jake: she could be her own person and be with somebody

Sylvie: That was what I said

Sylvie: but not you, or at least that’s what she’s surmised 

Jake: Why are you trying to trigger an existential crisis in me?

Sylvie: Please don’t throw that word around like that, it triggers me

Sylvie: she isn’t the first or the last to do it, I just think it’s a stupid long game

Jake: She’s the first to do it to me

Sylvie: Are you doing it back?

Jake: Before I got sick I had no reason to lie

Sylvie: You’re getting some payback

Jake: Is that what it is?

Sylvie: Unintentionally

Sylvie: In her head, I’m sure she never meant to hurt you, she meant to be everything you wanted

Jake: She was everything I wanted

Sylvie: Mission accomplished

Jake: You don’t have to be such a 

Sylvie: Go on

Jake: No, then you win

Jake: I’m not giving you the satisfaction 

Sylvie: You act like I’ve made this all up, just to fuck with your head

Sylvie: that’s not how I get my satisfaction

Jake: You’ve pointed it all out to do that

Sylvie: I’m not going to live in your delusion

Jake: Who asked you to live anywhere near me? I didn’t

Sylvie: The mistake was continuing the conversation past where it needed to be, clearly

Jake: Mine was starting it, I already said I’m sorry

Sylvie: but you want to use me for free sick kid therapy

Sylvie: until you inevitably tell her and let her fawn all over you

Jake: I don’t want to use anyone for anything, you least of all

Sylvie: Sure, pretend you’ve got nothing from this

Jake: Nothing good

Sylvie: Cool

Jake: I’ve got a headache, wondering who my girlfriend is

Sylvie: I’m not going to tell you

Jake: Of course not, why would you finish something you started?

Sylvie: I think you know exactly who she is

Jake: If you thought that you wouldn’t have said anything

Sylvie: Maybe I wish you’d wake the fuck up

Sylvie: but why should I care

Jake: Why do you?

Sylvie: I don’t now

Jake: Cool

Sylvie: You’re not

Jake: Neither are you

Sylvie: This is childish

Jake: You really, really suck

Sylvie: You

Jake: You should come with your own trigger warning

Sylvie: You’re bad for my health

Jake: I hope I don’t see you around

Sylvie: You won’t, trust me

Jake: All the sleepwalking I’m doing will make it easier not to

Sylvie: Did you do it before?

Jake: I’m not doing it now except in your unsolicited opinion

Sylvie: Oh

Sylvie: disappointing

Jake: You’re going the wrong way about not wanting to be my mother, that’s the right track

Sylvie: I’ve never met anyone who sleepwalks, I’m sorry

Sylvie: you and your mam will make up, no need to develop issues

Jake: Children do, I did then

Sylvie: Kids are weird

Sylvie: I want to hear shaming stories from now

Jake: You won’t

Sylvie: You heard my disappointing 

Jake: I don’t listen unless there’s a Miss in front of your name

Sylvie: You don’t listen

Jake: Yeah I do, actively

Sylvie: 🍎🍪⭐️

Jake: I’ve heard everything you’ve said

Sylvie: Headache to prove it

Jake: It’s a side effect of my meds

Sylvie: Every day or ‘til you’re used to them?

Jake: They’re meant to go away in a few months

Sylvie: That’s shit

Sylvie: your meds sound hardcore

Jake: I told you I was sicker than you

Sylvie: Do you want me to horrify you with my symptoms?

Jake: I googled them, you can’t horrify me with something I’m desensitised to

Sylvie: That’s unfair, you could be bullshitting and I’ll have no idea

Jake: You kept calling yourself a freak, you drove me to look them up

Sylvie: It’s rude of you to not take me at my word

Jake: You were ruder to me

Sylvie: I am rude

Jake: To yourself too

Sylvie: My bowel being cut out until its on the outside is freaky

Jake: It isn’t Frankenstein’s monster worthy

Sylvie: Oh thanks

Jake: Your clothes would cover it, it’s not being broadcast like neck bolts

Sylvie: It could leak

Jake: You’d be hypervigilant 

Jake: and all the friends and family you aren’t keeping secrets from are on standby

Sylvie: Oh yeah, that’s great, check there’s not shit on my top everyone

Sylvie: it’s disgusting

Jake: It’s the worst case scenario 

Sylvie: And it’s all I can think about

Jake: In mine I die

Jake: or get a piece of my brain cut out

Jake: if you want to swap

Sylvie: I could die too

Sylvie: but I knew it was your brain, guessing games kept to myself

Jake: I don’t have any gold stars to give you, sorry

Jake: an apple maybe

Sylvie: The teacher kink is yours

Sylvie: keep the apple, it’s not good for me, weirdly

Jake: Spoilsport

Sylvie: You started it

Jake: I don’t think I did

Sylvie: It’s all your fault

Jake: You’re having fun blaming me, that doesn’t mean it’s my fault

Sylvie: You think I’m having fun?

Jake: Ripping me and my life to shreds, yeah

Sylvie: I could think of better things to do, better ways to entertain myself

Jake: Leave me alone and do them then

Sylvie: You still can’t tell me what to do

Jake: I’m still not

Jake: it’s a suggestion you’re free to ignore

Sylvie: You’re free to ignore me

Jake: Where would I get my unlicensed therapy from?

Sylvie: You’d have to go see the school’s therapist

Jake: Her waiting list is no joke, unlike her mindfulness advice

Sylvie: A compliment by comparison, still taking it

Jake: I can’t stop you

Sylvie: Don’t you want someone to talk to

Sylvie: It’d be better if it wasn’t you but there’s no choice in any of this so why would that be different

Jake: If I wanted to talk I would to my girlfriend, or sister

Sylvie: Alright

Jake: You have people in your corner who aren’t me, choose one of them

Sylvie: You’re being deliberately ignorant to the fact that none of them are sick and that’s why you don’t want to talk to them and neither do I

Sylvie: which we’ve been over but you don’t actually care so save it

Jake: You don’t even know how I’m sick

Sylvie: And you think mine is no big deal 

Jake: I don’t think you’re a freak but you don’t want to hear that

Sylvie: What we think of each other doesn’t even matter

Jake: Your diagnosis isn’t you

Sylvie: It’s all people give a fuck about now

Jake: Before it was [something that defines her at school like his school play thing does him]

Jake: people don’t dig deep, most of them

Sylvie: Exactly, the headline is going to do all the talking, unless I go out of my way to have people talking for other reasons

Jake: I could shit myself too, might in front of everyone

Sylvie: And I wasn’t saying that means we should get jackets but

Sylvie: at least you know what that feels like, it’s not an abstract fear

Jake: I want somebody to talk to but I don’t know what to fucking say, no one gave me the vocabulary for this

Sylvie: Me either

Sylvie: I want to know how to keep this conversation going, for it to help, even 1% is good enough at this point

Jake: Hasn’t it helped calling me out?

Sylvie: I feel guilty, and frustrated

Jake: At least you aren’t babying me

Sylvie: Haven’t called you Jakey in a minute

Sylvie: you aren’t stupid, you just act it

Jake: I didn’t care when it was only because I’m the baby of the family

Jake: they weren’t trying to wrap me in cotton wool because I’m broken like they are now

Sylvie: You were special for reasons that don’t make you feel defective, same

Jake: With everybody

Jake: it was for holding a mic and a guitar and doing something cool with them both

Sylvie: What if it’s never the same again

Jake: It already isn’t, I can’t get on stage anymore

Jake: I can’t even write songs

Sylvie: I think I’m going to have to leave, seriously

Jake: School?

Sylvie: Here

Sylvie: I don’t want people who don't get it to know anything about me

Jake: Would your parents move somewhere else?

Sylvie: I don’t know

Sylvie: it’s the same with them anyway, everyone feels like a stranger, they get to me in ways they never did before, the little things

Jake: They’d be angry and frustrated if it was happening to them, it’s unfair

Sylvie: Yet I end up feeling like the monster for wanting to tell them to all go away

Sylvie: it’s not just you, if that’s a comfort, you were right when you patronisingly suggested it’s because I’m going through it, obviously

Jake: You can tell me to go away as much as you want

Jake: I understand the urge, if there was anywhere to run off to

Sylvie: Thanks, back at you

Sylvie: all I need is a missing persons attached to my name too, attention-seeking much

Jake: Getting on a plane is probably a trigger, everything else fucking is

Sylvie: Boats take ages to get anywhere

Sylvie: the middle of the ocean is a solid place to fuck off to

Jake: Seasick is something like how I feel anyway

Sylvie: Fingers crossed for an iceberg

Jake: I’ll play until we sink

Sylvie: Rose was shameless for that

Jake: You wouldn’t budge over either

Sylvie: For Jack I would

Jake: I’m seriously surprised [the drama teacher] hasn’t adapted Titanic into a musical yet

Sylvie: Your drama days are over, keep your great ideas to yourself

Jake: [one of your friends who looks like young Leo, whether that’s a boy or a girl lol] could play him

Sylvie: If you wanna watch your girlfriend get steamy with them, sure

Jake: I’ve watched all of her performances, it wouldn’t be any worse than [one of her others]

Sylvie: [the drama teacher] never keeps it PG but a full frontal nude portrait is a bit far, even for him

Jake: I’d cast [someone else haha, the drama and disloyalty but you’re saying they have Kate Winslet vibes] 

Sylvie: Your life wouldn’t be worth living for real, Mr. Director

Jake: You’d cast her as Rose’s mother, the stuff you’ve been saying

Sylvie: Unsinkable Molly Brown would be funnier

Jake: You don’t think she’s got the personality to pull it off

Sylvie: By that merit, you’d cast me as the bloody iceberg

Sylvie: it’s acting

Jake: You’d be a good iceberg

Sylvie: I know

Sylvie: you can get locked down in third class, for being rude

Jake: If you want to be stuck with me for the whole play

Sylvie: I glide in, fuck up your life, go about mine

Sylvie: right?

Jake: That’d be acting

Sylvie: Maybe I’ve got hidden talent

Jake: And depths, which is why I cast you

Sylvie: That’s how my dad started teaching instead, got injured

Jake: My sister liked him

Sylvie: They’re nicer than the arsehole they raised, like

Jake: My mother’s a saint in comparison to me, maybe my father sucked, who knows

Sylvie: You can saint him, that’s what’s expected, no one can fault you

Jake: They have, but if I was dying the way he was, I know I’d suck more than I do now

Sylvie: Right?

Sylvie: though, the right drugs will make you nicer than ever

Jake: I guess

Jake: the hardcore part is all I’ve got

Sylvie: I won’t suggest you start hardcore sedatives, that seems a way off still

Jake: I’m sedated enough

Sylvie: Numb is right

Jake: They lower the excitability of nerve cells in my brain, my doctor said

Sylvie: Your brain is too excitable

Sylvie: that makes any cure sound like a lobotomy 

Jake: It feels like one, I can’t think, pay attention or remember stuff, and it isn’t even a cure

Sylvie: but the alternative is scarier

Jake: Oui

Sylvie: well fuck

Sylvie: you should smash something up immediately

Jake: C’est la vie

Jake: ma vie, and toxic masculinity isn’t allowed, I’m not immediately dying

Sylvie: The rules don’t apply, death is nothing compared to the dreaded symptoms and the many medical interventions along the way 

Jake: In my mother’s house they do

Sylvie: Go out then, don’t make me tell you how step by step

Jake: I’m not meant to alone, that’s step or rule 1

Sylvie: You haven’t been alone since

Sylvie: whenever the fuck you two started dating

Jake: I’m not smashing something up in front of her

Sylvie: Why not?

Jake: If I’m going to lose control like that I might as well tell her, or do it fully and just show her how sick I am

Sylvie: It’s to stop that happening

Jake: Everything’s a trigger, I can’t

Sylvie: Relieving stress is good for you

Jake: Her questions wouldn’t be

Sylvie: I can’t account for her being a fun sponge like that

Jake: You don’t have to

Sylvie: I’m just that helpful

Jake: Breaking something isn’t going to help me

Sylvie: When was the last time you tried?

Jake: I don’t go around destroying stuff deliberately

Sylvie: Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it

Sylvie: but I’ll complete the list myself

Jake: Why can’t you actually try and help?

Sylvie: I am

Sylvie: where are your suggestions?

Jake: Where are you if you want me to do something weirdly out of character

Jake: you could offer to be my cover instead of blowing it

Sylvie: Do you want to try then?

Jake: I don’t know

Jake: What would I be breaking?

Sylvie: It doesn’t need to be anyone’s property, or your own

Sylvie: can go to [junkyard energy] and have your pick

Jake: No trips to the ED, she’s working

Sylvie: I won’t let you get injured, alright

Jake: Okay, we can go

Sylvie: We can go?

Sylvie: You can come, it’s an opportunity for you

Jake: I’ll try anything once, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone

Sylvie: It won’t, scout’s honour

Jake: Cool

Jake: Where’s [this junkyard or whatever]?

Sylvie: [give him directions, probably via which bus/train to get, we know the vibes]

Sylvie: Now?

Jake: Unless you’re busy

Sylvie: Now’s good

Jake: [tell her where to meet you in relation to the directions she gave and you therefore know this place is without fully being like come to my house because you lowkey are scared to go out by yourself rn but you’re trying to keep it slightly lowkey and not be like I’m FRIGHTENED]

Sylvie: We can go together

Sylvie: if you’d rather, but I’ll need to know where you live first

Jake: [the area] is no Paris

Jake: but [do tell her because you do need to go together even though me and my boo are playing god and aren’t letting anything happen on public transport on this day]

Sylvie: Do you think I’m some sort of snob?

Jake: I don’t know where you live, it’s just my opinion on where I do

Sylvie: [a friend who is mutual to you both] lives nearby

Jake: Yeah, [however near by, like however many streets or doors down]

Sylvie: I won’t get lost

Jake: I wouldn’t be much help, it took me ages to remember that to tell you

Sylvie: Too right-brained, is it

Jake: Too medicated for my excitable brain

Sylvie: No worries, I love being in charge, we’ll manage

Jake: At least I can still remember where I live, that’d be embarrassing 

Sylvie: You aren’t dementia patient grandpa levels

Sylvie: not that I’d need to search high and low, your mammy and sister would find you before I needed to find your house

Jake: They’d want to put toddler reins on if they knew I was leaving the house

Sylvie: I mean

Sylvie: better not, that would look weird

Jake: Accuse me of having a student-teacher kink again instead

Sylvie: Written all over your smug little face

Jake: My face isn’t smug

Sylvie: It is whenever you’re in class

Jake: Until [whenever their first convo was] you didn’t know which classes of yours I was in

Sylvie: It’s a blur of smugness, obviously

Jake: You’re a blur, how quick you get out of your desk

Sylvie: I’m not after the teachers, don’t need time to longingly gaze

Jake: It’s almost like you hate every lesson and have better places to be

Sylvie: Hates a strong word but you have to admit most lessons are boring

Jake: Did you like any, before?

Sylvie: I like my choices, usually

Sylvie: don’t think any of my meds make my concentration for shit but feels like I should check

Jake: All 4? That’s cool, me too

Sylvie: What else do you do?

Sylvie: Music, I’m sure but what’s your other one

Jake: Classical Studies

Jake: I’m going to fail for sure, we’re reading [a book he deffo can’t concentrate on thanks to these meds]

Sylvie: Oh no

Sylvie: You should drop out, take one of the easy passes, save the Latin for the girls in turtlenecks

Jake: Maybe I will

Jake: but I don’t know if there are any easy passes for me anymore, being practically lobotomised 

Sylvie: You’re only a temporary zombie, excitable brain

Sylvie: but even doped up, anyone can pass RE

Sylvie: the points you’d get for your basic understanding of Judaism alone

Jake: Those side effects might never go away, unlike the headaches and other stuff

Sylvie: You can play with the dosage?

Jake: And different meds

Jake: but those are because of what the meds do, how they control the symptoms

Sylvie: I get it

Sylvie: you still have to feel like you, like a person

Jake: The doctors don’t care if I’m a new me, a different person

Sylvie: It’s your body

Jake: Which is more messed up without the meds

Sylvie: It’s a shit choice, it still is one

Jake: Nobody’s going to let me make that one

Sylvie: Family shouldn’t own us as much as they do

Sylvie: you don’t notice until you want the opposite of what they do for you and suddenly you see how suffocating it is

Jake: The meds are my only chance of maybe living a slightly normal life, whatever their downsides

Sylvie: My point still stands

Jake: It does, or there’d be none in breaking something

Sylvie: I took [however many guys] money in pool [when you had your first convo]

Jake: What did you do with it?

Sylvie: Drinks, mostly

Sylvie: I’ve still got [x amount]

Jake: [An album of a band you know she likes] comes out [soon]

Sylvie: How’d you know that

Jake: Everybody knows the release date, they teased it months ago

Sylvie: I meant how did you know I like them

Jake: You were wearing [some kind of merch of theirs, however obscure it may be, could literally be a wristband or something if we wanna be subtle or a t-shirt if not] when [on another occasion he saw her which is different from the time front row at that gig]

Jake: I’ve got [a different piece of merch from the same era]

Sylvie: Cheek to make me seem like some stalker before 

Jake: I don’t remember doing that

Sylvie: Now you can claim brain fog, sure

Jake: You can claim to be a poser who doesn’t like them, if you want

Sylvie: You’re hilarious

Jake: Or you could give me your top 5 again

Sylvie: [do, duh]

Jake: [give her yours but sneak in a few extra so it’s actually a top 8 because it’s too hard to pick only 5 songs you love from this band clearly but you haven’t fully done 10 in the hopes she won’t notice you’re cheating haha]

Sylvie: Pick your ultimate favourite for being a cheat

Jake: I asked for your top 5, you didn’t specify

Jake: [drop the other 2 you didn’t]

Jake: that’s my top 10

Sylvie: You’re a dirty rotten cheater, boy but your taste has gone up marginally in my estimations 

Jake: [nerd out about this band some more because it’s the first one y’all have come across that you both really like, again we see you]

Sylvie: Do you know when they’re next playing the city?

Jake: [I won’t commit us cos it depends if we want y’all to go to a gig together before you’re a couple, when you are or if we wanna be mean and say this band isn’t touring again for a year or more and hence you think you could be dead by then, cos all are valid and moods, we’ll decide but tell her what info you know rn]

Sylvie: Maybe you’ll be back out by then

Jake: Maybe I’ll see you there

Sylvie: Don’t worry, we can lose each other in a crowd

Jake: But I know where to find you, the front

Sylvie: You’ll be late and by the back wall

Jake: I wouldn’t be late for [this band he likes]

Sylvie: No?

Sylvie: Maybe I can tolerate you by the front too, not like you will be talking

Jake: Just singing

Sylvie: You can hold a note

Jake: Tolerably well? 

Sylvie: I’m not being nice, just honest

Jake: Could you honestly name 5 of my songs?

Sylvie: Why in the ego boost would I do that

Jake: I’m not asking you to, I’m curious if you could even name a song out of [however many you’ve performed to date]?

Sylvie: Probably not, but I’ve heard some, you know that

Jake: I don’t, stage lights mean everybody’s lost in the crowd

Sylvie: Yeah but I’ve been at gigs you’ve played

Sylvie: you aren’t so egregious I left

Jake: Cool, thanks

Sylvie: Shut up

Jake: You volunteered the information, I wasn’t fishing for a compliment

Sylvie: I can see your smug little face again

Jake: I still don’t have one

Jake: but you can show me yours when I’m happy I smashed something up, if I am

Sylvie: You have to come at it with an open mind

Jake: I will

Sylvie: What else would you do, what else was I doing

Jake: [this french homework he mentioned before but in terms of whatever it is, e.g the imperfect tense or whatever lol]

Sylvie: You’re welcome

Jake: You’re welcome to come in and do it before we go

Sylvie: Do you think I’ll survive Paris without [whatever grammar thing this undoubtedly is lol]?

Jake: No one in Paris would tolerate our classroom French, to survive the conversation they’d switch to English immediately

Sylvie: Mortifying, you look so French too

Jake: Don’t tell [the theatre teacher like lol god knows what she/he would try and cast me in next]

Sylvie: Marius is too shamingly close to your real personality 

Jake: And I’m meant to be ashamed of that comparison because…?

Sylvie: Of course you aren’t

Sylvie: and China is a sweet little orphan princess

Jake: She’s an actress

Sylvie: Yeah, truly

Jake: I heard what you think of her, of both of us

Jake: you don’t have to keep bringing it up

Sylvie: Alright

Sylvie: I wasn’t talking about her

Jake: You could’ve not typed out her name at all

Sylvie: I was comparing you to a character in a musical, is it that deep

Sylvie: I’m sorry

Jake: You’re attacking her character again, mine it doesn’t matter if you do, we’re talking, but she isn’t here to defend herself

Sylvie: What’s wrong with Cosette?

Jake: Now you want us to do a literary analysis of Les Mis?

Jake: you know the point you were trying to make, or score

Sylvie: For God’s sake

Sylvie: the point is that you’re an irritating couple too, that’s it

Sylvie: don’t act as if I’m attacking her

Jake: Why are you acting like you haven’t?

Sylvie: I’m allowed to say what I want

Jake: Yeah, like I’m allowed to say you’ve got no reason to talk about how annoying you find us as a couple

Sylvie: Of course all you want is positive feedback

Sylvie: go talk to [the drama teacher]

Jake: I don’t want feedback on how I’m living my life, particularly from someone who knows pretty much nothing about it

Sylvie: Oh please, I’ve never met anyone who wants applause for their every decision more than you

Jake: She’s my girlfriend, boo us all you want, it’s my decision not yours

Sylvie: I really don’t care

Jake: Then drop it

Sylvie: Drop this? That’s a great idea

Sylvie: because I think you both suck, so why am I agreeing to waste my time on trying to make you feel in any way better

Jake: You’re bored and have nothing better to do with your time, this isn’t about making me feel anything

Sylvie: I can absolutely do better

Jake: Cool, I’ll see you around

Sylvie: Whatever

Jake: [me like sir let her go, you go and do your homework lame ass]

Sylvie: [leaving a convo with him once again in a state like why do you care though sis, let’s have that conversation lmao]

Jake: [you surely wish you could break something rn don’t you hun, sucks to suck and have to defend your awful gf’s honour (however halfheartedly you just did haha) don’t have a fit about it please]

Sylvie: [my boo says sure would be a shame lmao, meanwhile you gotta go find people to hang out with to prove you got better things to do even though you’re still very much in a hiding mood so you don’t actually want to rn]

Jake: [Winnie says do some socials because he’s a drama king, I say mr bear you calm down]

Sylvie: [what if we’re kissing boys little man, well, probably boy singular you don’t need to go wild but yet again, gotta prove you can]

Jake: [the way I just gasped as if I am Jake and it’s any of his or my business who she does or doesn’t kiss]

Sylvie: [mhmm though, the scandal haha, people thinking you’re dying ‘cos you’re off school and you just pop up like let’s party]

Jake: [you know it’s a notp when I feel sorry for him rn for having to spend time with his gf lol, at least you can pretend to yourself when you bring these flirty vibes to her wanting to likewise makeout and more and it’s a flop it’s purely because you’re worried you’re gonna have a fit (cos we all know damn well he’s avoided antics since fit 2 for that reason) and not because of this girl]

Sylvie: [which I know China is suspicious about like hello? I was gonna be an asshole and say she was at home tonight but we’ll be kind/unkind and do it that way]

Jake: [we should be v unkind and say he has to go over there for this booty call because there’s nothing ruder than making y’all makeout/hook up for the first time in however long while her fam who don’t like him are there being loud and unavoidable when he turns up, the vibes would be terrible]

Sylvie: [the way I know Billie Piper digs at China for acting like miss la-dee-da around you and not herself so you’re once again getting hit over the head with those accusations, you just thought her mum didn’t like you/was a nightmare lowkey but nay nay]

Jake: [mhmm and he needs to be hit over the head with how right Sylvie is as if he wasn’t already thinking about it and her so much so thank you for your service being so real ma’am, p.s Winnie says her first lesson back at school should be French and they should have to be paired up for the most awks convo anyone has ever, we don’t need to do it obvs but we do need to know haha]

Sylvie: [win says y’all need to THINK about it and we so do, the death throes of this relationship and y’all developing feelings when you wanna hate each other is so juicy]

Jake: [I’m thinking we should bring back the cool kid event from the OG but this time he writes and performs just that one song which is blatantly about Sylvie and lowkey she knows but it’s more subtle than the OG one so she can’t be 100% that it is and isn’t just about him being a secret sick kid and China should 100% think it’s about her because they are still together when, like I fully imagine Sylvie isn’t even there but the mutual friend we mentioned who lives by Jake is and is talking about it so then she has to go find it online and is like OH]

Sylvie: [we simply must, it’s too real for how you would approach this but also such delicious drama, also imagine being pretty damn sure that a song is about you but being so scared to bring that up because the humiliation if it wasn’t lol, you would have to die]

Jake: [imagine if he was like bitch it isn’t about you, thankfully it shamelessly is, it should take him a minute to write this song and the cool kid event to happen though so I’m just debating if it’s more legit if they don’t talk again before he drops the song and does all that (awks french convos aside because you know they gotta get paired up more than one haha) or if they should lowkey be finding every flimsy ass excuse they can to talk as often as possible]

Sylvie: [he says delulu much lmao, crushes got you feeling like that’s a possibility and it’s so mortifying, I was also debating how we should go forward because the energy is you’re finding excuses to talk because you know you want to but maybe after both of these ones have ended in arguments you do want to find a bit of decorum and try not to, idk, there’s merit to both approaches, I suppose it depends how long away this is because if you keep getting paired up you will eventually break, I feel]

[dailyrandomwriter]

Day 323

Even though I don’t go out into the world that often, unless I have to, I find myself busier than before. It’s a strange feeling knowing I have to pick and choose what to do on any given day because I can’t really do everything I want to do and still do adult things.

LIke I have laundry to do today, things to throw out, dishes to wash… but there are things I want to do. I still want to upkeep this blog, because I’ve gotten this far in writing since starting it. Though now my writing attention is split between roleplaying and writing projects.

It’s weird to know I have full on writing projects again, especially for something that I don’t have to come up with completely from scratch. Adapting Chimera and my own weird dreams as writing projects is both hilarious and really weird. 

Meanwhile, I ordered a bunch of stuff earlier in the month and now it’s all coming in. I’m still missing two more packages, but I would like to do more scrapbooking, and card making. Well… I’m not feeling inspired by my current card, but I would like to finish it.

Finally, Little to the Left released DLC that I wanted to play even though I have a lot of games in my game library to play. I have a lot of games I need to catch up on, or at least try. I have considered getting the new Story of Seasons: It’s a Wonderful Life remake but… Steam has ruined me for game pricing, I can’t really bring myself to pay 60+ dollars on a video game even though I have spent way more money on stationary.

Another thing I need to do is re-arrange my stuff in my room. I want to remove the printer (that I never use), the CDs (that I haven’t listened to in years) and just change things around so I have more room… for my stationary… oh god… when did this become an all encompassing hobby?

Anyways, I’m keeping busy, that’s at least good.

[amateurasterism]

besotted !

summary ; two idiots and one mistake

pairing ; tasm!peter parker x gn! reader

notes ; fluff, reader is some sort of spider bitten superhero, first ever post yay

word count ; 0.8k

thanks to a radioactive spider who bit me a couple years ago, i’ve been granted supernatural powers. i can climb walls, shoot webs, and carry mass amounts of weight. i have enhanced senses and spidey-sense. the point is, the bite has given me a lot to be grateful for.

so i’m ashamed to admit the thing i’m most grateful the spider bite has brought me is spiderman.

him and i have been meeting at the top of the empire state building for a month, and needless to say it’s the most fun i’ve had in my life. which is ridiculous to say because we’re always in our spandex suits and the most we know of each other are our first names. i’ll admit it’s embarrassing, but it’s the price we pay for being who we are.

“spidey,” i say. i can hear the smile in my own voice, which is admittedly very embarrassing.

thankfully, peter is also smiling when he sits next to me.

“any crime this morning?” he asks.

i shake my head. “nope.”

“bummer,” peter leans against the wind and chuckles.

i press my knees into my chest and rest my chin. “if you’re that desperate for my company, i guess we can swing the streets of manhattan.”

“i didn’t say i was desperate for your company!” peter retaliates teasingly.

“it was implied!” i yell back.

he shakes his head as he watches me stand up. i shoot webs from my shooters and catch the air, swinging from buildings. in the reflection of new york’s glassy buildings, i catch him right behind me and laugh.

“keeping an eye out for me, y/n?” peter jokes through the wind.

i let out a laugh beneath my breath and land in front of a long row of restaurants in times square. i feel peter land beside me and soon we fall in step on the sidewalk. we walk in silence, until we find a bench right outside a small ice cream shop surrounded with customers. a kid barges out the entrance and into her fathers arms with a cone of ice cream. a refreshing wave of nostalgia hits me.

“everything alright there?” peter asks.

i nod. “my dad used to bring me here a lot. it’s nice to see it’s still doing well.”

we continue to watch the little ice cream shop. though my senses tell me peter’s eyes are on me, not the shop. isn’t he aware i can feel him staring? i’m thankful for the mask that hides my burning red face, but i’m sure his senses were telling him exactly what was happening.

before my face could get any redder, i get up and dust myself off. “i have to go. college exams are next week and i have to study.”

peter nods reassuringly. “good luck. you’ll be at our spot tomorrow, right?”

“i never miss it.”

i turn around to leave, then out of nowhere there’s webbing on my waist and peter is dragging me close to his chest. we’re closer than we’ve ever been, and i can feel both our hearts accelerating.

“wanna get ice cream later?” he suddenly blurts. his breath is hot on my forehead, but comforting.

my breath hitches. this must be hilarious, seeing two adults in spandex suits have a romantic moment in the middle of manhattan. quite frankly i don’t care, because i am head over heels for this guy i don’t know outside of a spandex suit and his first name.

“sure, peter.” i’m not surprised to feel a smile stretching across my face. “i’ll meet you here at 8 tonight.”

i walked away before he could catch how big my smile was.

“it’s a date, y/n!” peter shouted.

—

“strawberry ice cream?” peter asks jokingly. we had just arrived at the top of the empire state building with our ice creams.

“you got chocolate, which is arguably one of the worst flavors!” i reply. we both laugh and sit closer, thighs touching. forgetting the secrecy we had, we both take off our masks and begin to eat our ice creams. 

when we look up from our ice creams, unmasked for the first time, our eyes meet and we sit there in silence. taking in eachothers features.

oh my god.

he is nothing short of perfect. his eyes are brown, like mine, but for some reason his are mesmerizing. his jaw is lined with freckles and it’s perfectly sculpted. maybe my eyes are failing me, but there are streaks of gold in his faultlessly messy hair. as he stared at me, his lips opened just a bit. his breath was quick against my red cheeks. this boy was besotted, and so was i.

“you’re breathtaking,” i murmur.

but suddenly i don’t know how to speak because peter runs his hand up my jaw and pulls me closer.

“could you say that again?” a playful and adoring smile tugs at his lips.

“were you not listening?”

“i was. i just like hearing you say it.”

“you’re breathtaking, peter.”

i grin as he pulls our lips closer, pausing when we’re an inch apart.

“kiss me?”

[apparentlyaswarmofbees]

The Obey Me Brothers and Undatables vs An Insect/Arachnid Loving MC

I find it amazing how many people find it disturbing that I just love some insects and arachnids (not more than birds but still, insects can be both cute and cool even when they manage to terrify me so I can't help but love them lmao).

It's so cool how insects are actually the most dominant species in the world even before humanity existed and will most likely still be even after humanity ceases to exist, of course some of them actualy spread disease and such but it's not all of them and the mosquitoes that do spread it are females and they are just sucking your blood to feed their babies and the males like flowers over your blood, I actually don't like all spiders but I love tarantulas with all my heart although I can't say the same for wasps, they are evil but they can be so cool I have so many mixed feelings and cockroaches can be so adorable specially the forest/wild ones, have you ever seen them eat fruits??? They are so cute! And don't even get me started on how a d o r a b l e beetles are-

.

Lucifer vs Ladybug

Taking strolls in the Castle's garden when you are accompaning Lucifer in his work are very common.

Just taking a fresh breath of the Devildom's air in between breaks with you by his side powers him up like crazy.

Now that being said, he doesn't really appreciate losing your attention to a little, colorful, bug crawling on one of the flowers in said garden.

"Lucifer, look! It's a ladybug! It's so different from the human world!"

That is true, ladybugs in hell were brighter in color and had a toxin in their bodies that- Oh wait

"Don't touch it!" Lucifer grabbed your hand in realization "haven't you learned anything about bright colors in nature? The toxin in their bodies can melt your skin off!"

He really didn't expect your eyes to get even more shiny.

"Ladybugs in Devildom are both bright and dangerous??!! I'm so jealous!"

With that, he became both exasperated and more in love with you.

Does this have a relation to the fact that you love him and his brothers even thought they are demons?

He is definetelly giving you a brooch in the shape of a ladybug later

.

Mammon vs Cockroach

If you think this man didn't scream like a plate being scratched with a fork when he saw a cockroach in your bedroom, you are wrong.

I mean, okay, he was on the floor and the thing just decided to crawl up to his head out of nowhere.

He jumped over the table so fast it probably has beaten a world record.

"Aw! It's a baby cockroach!"

It's true, it was very small compared to adult ones, but Mammon didn't care.

"STOP FAWNIN' OVER THOSE CREATURES FOR ONCE AND KILL IT ALREADY!!"

And of course instead of killing it you just raise your eyebrown at him while scooping the thing up with a paper.

And of course you needed to bring it really close to him just to watch him squirm before you decide throw it out of your bedroom's window.

He definetelly will ask you to wash your hands before comforting him even if you didn't even touch the cockroach directly.

.

Leviathan vs Dragonfly

You cannot tell me dragonflies in Devildom are actually very few and actually have the size of a small dragon.

It all happened on the day you and Levi got lost in the forest searching for a raven that stole his just purchased phone charm of a game that he was currently addicted to.

Both of you were looking for a way out when you heard an extremelly loud buzzing noise from somewhere in the woods.

Of course both of you followed the sound because first, you just know that must be one big ass insect since it sounded almost like a helicopter and you had to see it, and second, Levi suddenly forgot all about the charm (and being lost) and started rambling about how 'it couldn't be! Is it really-!'

And that is how you guys found his new Henry.

A giant, navy blue, shiny dragonfly, that was currently eating the Raven you and Levi were searching for.

Let's just say Levi got his charm back and both of you got a free ride to the House of Lamentation.

.

Satan vs Spiders

Where there are old books, there are spider webs, and where there are spider webs, there's at least a 50% chance there are spiders in there.

So you can say Satan was quite familiar with the eight legged creatures, although he never really paid them much attention.

That is until he found they were of your interest.

You will never see someone start to give spider names, treat them with courtesy and have small talks with them faster than with this man.

Getting a book from the House of Lamentation's library and there's a web in the way along with a resident spider? "Excuse me, I will have to disturb you a little, I hope you don't mind a bit of damage to your home"

He is reading and suddenly sees a spider dangling down from a web string right besides him? He is definetelly letting it land on his hand just so that he can show it to you.

One day he even choses to read a book in his berdoom that a tiny spider was standing on. The sight of the tiny thing crawling around the pages as he reads it and explains some things out loud is so precious to see.

.

Asmodeus vs Scorpions

Of course, what would suit the Lust Demon better than his own patron?

That is until you teach him that there are more than just one type of scorpion, and there is one type that has really big claws and a thinner tail that are usually pretty big in size.

Why would learning that be a bad thing, you ask? Instead of stinging its food, it actually grabs it like a crab.

So yes, the day Asmo held one and didn't use his charms, it pinched him.

Needless to say, it was chaotic.

Leaving the fact he is never approaching those kinds of scorpions ever again, he coos a lot at you while you coo at the small scorpions.

If you tell him the fact that they are his patron just makes you love him more, he will be so happy he will be squealing for the next 5 minutes.

He has definetelly taken a few dozens, of pictures for you while holding one or more scorpions.

His followers in the devilgram were surprised at how even while holding that thing, Asmo still looked amazing.

Scorpions definetelly became sensation in Devildom after that.

.

Beelzebub vs Flies

Again, nothing better than his own patron.

If he didn't have to swat them off his food that is.

He has definetelly eaten some accidently.

"Look! I managed to make it crawl up to my finger without scaring it!" you say.

"That is cool. But you should probably wash your hand." He replies.

He's right, wash your hands if you ever grab onto flies.

He finds it really cute that you like insects, and it makes him tingly on the inside when he remembers that his symbolic creature is an insect itself.

Don't hold back on asking him to change into his demon form more often, he is very happy to do it.

He starts paying more attention to insects and flies in general after he finds out how much you love them.

How big their are, their color, where he saw them, what were they doing, if they tasted good.

And then he proceeds to tell you all about it.

He is very cute.

.

Belphegor vs Butterflies

It's not that he attracts butterflies, no. But he actually likes them, finds them cool even.

Did you know some butterflies disguise as another type butterfly because that type is actually not very tasty to eat so the animals stay away from them?

And how many of them have patterns on their wings that look a lot like Owls and again, it makes animals stay away from them?

And the whole symbolism of life, death and rebirth around them? And the fact that the larvae eating everything around them reminds him a lot of Beel?

Belphie definetelly likes butterflies and you cannot tell me otherwise.

So when he finds out you love insects? Oh he is definetelly taking you to the best butterfly watching spot either in the Devildom or the Human World.

It's specially cute when he falls asleep and one lands on his face.

He definetelly had a minor heart attack when he woke up to the sight its wings but he will never admit it.

Also definetelly grabs it and puts it on you instead.

It's counterproductive as you end up looking too cute for him to handle.

.

Solomon vs Beetles

I mean beetle fights.

You thought you liked insects, just wait until you see this man cheering on a beetle like an excited kid.

Also finds it hilarious when one just yeets the other away.

And because now you are there to feed more into his love for beetles, one day he casts a spell on two of them to make them big enough to ride and just showed up outside your window like:

"No time to explain, get in the beetle"

Because of safety measures, no, you guys didn't have a giant beetle fight.

But you did ride them around the Devildom forest at 2am.

You thought it would be an insane ride with lots of adventures

But you guys just ended up star gazing while laying on them.

He forgot to turn them back to their original size and they scared a few of the residents of Devildom.

.

Simeon vs Mantis

Warning: it's a big goreish

When you introduced the praying mantis specifically to Simeon, he was immediatelly in awe.

And then you proceeded to show him how they can have many shapes and forms, be it as leafs, tree branches, and others.

And he was so intrigued!

But then you gave him the more, specific details.

Like how they can feast on their prey while they are still alive.

And how it actually can attack small birds such as humming birds, eating their brain tissue through their eyes.

And how the females practice a cannibalism ritual, feasting on their partners after mating.

That's when his writer self came to light.

What I mean is, he was now both horrified and extremelly inspired.

Simeon can be scary sometimes.

.

Diavolo vs Ants

If you can find ants in every nook and crany around the world, you cannot tell me you can't find them in hell.

If they are able to travel the sea just by being taken along with baggage on accident, they have definetelly come to hell the same way, specially black crazy ants.

So honestly, I wouldn't find it surprising that Diavolo would have at least one big colony of ants he takes care of.

But he didn't have it until you pointed out why ants were awesome to him.

"They don't eat the leafs, they are farmers and what they eat is the other tiny creatures that decompose the leafs" "they can go to extreme lenghts to find their food and they have a real good teamwork, often they don't eat right away but instead bring the food back to the colony to feed the young" "Some ants that live in tropical weather that rains a lot, such as the amazon, can swim! And they do it together in big, ant, nests!"

Needless to say, he was intrigued.

Such tiny creatures are able to eat other insects much bigger than them? And they love sweets?

They actually like their homes clean and throw their trash into the very corner of their enclosure? Their bite can actually hurt a lot even to creatures gigantic copared to their size such as humans??

He had his own personal colony the very next day.

.

Barbatos vs Bees

This man definetelly has his own share of appreciation for bees even before you told him you like insects.

They are very good helpers in the garden, their honey can be used on a extremelly big variety of both food and health products along with their wax, and honestly, they're just so fuzzy and cute.

If you want to get a rare laugh or chuckle out of him, make bee movie references.

He will just stop in his tracks and cover his mouth as he tries not to laugh.

You could almost make him spit his drink if you do it while he is drinking something.

And you can't tell me this man can't make bee related puns with a straight face. It's unbeeliveable

Aight, imma head out

.

(This was basically an insect/arachnid appreciation post and I have no regrets)

[missskzbiased]

Red Light

Genre: Fluff, Romance, Angst (Squintish lol), Oneshot, , Confession! au, Brother’s Best Friend au

Pairing: Lee Felix  x Fem! Chubby! Reader  (Feat. Hyunjin)

Word Count: ~4,2K [I’m sorry]

Notes: The fourth fanfic for the Valentine’s request [That you can find here]

Chan ||  Minho || Changbin || Hyunjin || Han || Felix || Seungmin || Jeongin

Masterlist

Warnings: Language [Shit/Fuck], Insecurities, Alchohol/Drunkness [Hyunjin]

Requested: Yes, by   🥥 anon [I really hope you like it even though it got out of hand lol]

General Tag List: @channiewoo @aliceu @bythesunnotbythemoon

[If you wish to be tagged to the other Valentine’s requests, please send me an ask <3]

                                                           ///

    You fought the urge to kick Hyunjin.

    That wasn’t the first time you wondered what you had possibly done wrong with your life along the way to God take a liking to mess up with you. There was no way in hell that you didn’t do anything wrong! No way at all! You had to have done something extremely unforgivable to be obliged to stand up in the street in bloody cold weather to watch your brother squirming as he tried to sober up. You crossed your arms over your chest, judging Hyunjin with all your soul and pitying his best friend for having to put up with him.

    “How much did he drink?” You decided to ask Felix, playing the big sister role and deciding to drop your murdering intentions.

    Felix shrugged, unsure about what to say to you as he stood behind Hyunjin ─ who was sitting down on the curb ─, playing his role of a back supporter when your brother leaned back, searching for something to rest his head for a while. You studied Felix attentively, noticing how he didn’t seem to be dressed up for a party ─ sweatpants and hoodie looking good on him but not as much as you’d expect for a Friday night ─, yet not missing the way he could stand straight, no sign of drunkenness in his eyes or body. He glanced at you shyly, unsure about why you were taking so long to look at him from head to toes, and suddenly feeling self-conscious about his overall appearance.

    “You weren’t with him?” You inquired, getting a silent nod from the boy “Wait- Were you or not?” You frowned, confused by the answer, and Felix rubbed his arm, shaking his head this time to show that he wasn’t there all along “Did he call you too?” You sighed, rolling your eyes “Jeez… What to do with this little shit?” You whined, squatting to get to his eye level.

    “Leave me alone” Hyunjin slurred, trying to push your head away from him but missing it by far, slapping your shoulder by mistake. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes to regain your composure and not scrape his face on the ground while Felix smirked, watching you amusedly. The younger boy seemed to take pity on you ─ or maybe he was worried about his best friend’s life ─, leaning to shake Hyunjin’s arm repeatedly in a vain attempt to make him move.

    Hyunjin jerked his arm away from him, mumbling something unintelligible as his body threatened to fall forward, prompting you to hold his shoulders, startled by the possibility of being struck down. Felix jolted his hands to hold him back, just as startled as you, placing them right on top of yours. You snapped your eyes at him, feeling your face warming up but refusing to acknowledge it, and getting a tiny bit disappointed when he retracted his hand without a second thought.

    Felix lowered his head, carefully holding his own hand and rubbing his thumb on his palm before he lifted his gaze, looking around the crowded place with melancholic eyes and then glancing at you. Did he hurt his hand or something? You frowned, staring at him for a few seconds before pushing your worries aside when Hyunjin mumbled something… What an annoying little prick! You slapped his head, poking his arm with your foot to get him mad enough to get up by himself.

    “I vote for letting him rot in here” You suggested when he didn’t move an inch, whimpering in protest, and getting a snort from Felix “Let’s go home, Felix! No one will miss this dumbass” You nagged, loud enough for Hyunjin to whine once more, trying to push you away before he finally decided to get up, holding on Felix for dear life as he crawled his way off of the floor.

    “I think he believed you would leave him here” He chuckled, throwing Hyunjin’s arm over his shoulder to support him and help him to get to your car. The first vocal response you got from him for the night. Nice. You glanced at him; watching as his eyes morphed into crescents and his skin wrinkled around his eyes, giving him an innocent and childish vibe that got you giggling.

    “That’s because he knows I would” You joked, involving your brother’s waist. You tried to ignore how close you were to Felix at the moment ─ literally one Hyunjin apart ─ and how your arm crossed your brother’s back to overlap with Felix’s, hands brushing on each other’s sides. Even though the moment wasn’t intimate, you felt your heart beating faster inside your chest, pursing your lips as you left the party behind to head to your car.

    You didn’t remember when all of this started.

    The first time you talked to Felix was on a Friday night, just like this one but way warmer. You had never seen him before but you had heard him thousands of times as Hyunjin and his friends used to hang around in your living room a whole lot. Even though he didn’t have a face in your mind, you had his shrill laughing imprinted in your head, and that night ─ when you had too much studying to do and acceptance stuff for college to handle ─, you decided to snap at the cheerful boy.  

    You burst into the living room filled with rage, smacking the wall to get their attention before actually landing your eyes on him; anger faltering for a bit. You never imagined that Felix could match so much to his laughter… His laugh was thin ─ like a string ─, and so was he, small and slender like you never saw a guy being before. His laugh was warm ─ like the sun ─, and you could swear his smile brightened up the whole place, stunning you. His laugh was cheerful ─ like a child ─, just like the glint in his eyes and his choked giggle made you feel like.  

    That was the first time you met him.

    And that was the first time he shut you out.

    It still stung a little bit.

    The younger you had taken this to your heart; it was impossible not to as you couldn’t help but notice how he always glanced and giggle in your way when he thought you weren’t paying attention. Every single time you walked into the room, his twinkling eyes followed you ─ not as sneakily as he thought ─ and he kept fighting the urge to smile, looking away and pursing his lips, trying not to be too obvious. At that time, you were kinda self-conscious about your body, and you couldn’t help but think he was laughing at you.

    What could be so funny to the point he couldn’t hide it?

    Was it because you liked to walk around with your legs in full display? The absence of a thigh gap should be hilarious to him… It could be easy to laugh about it when you were slim as a bloody twig ─ one that was poking you, by the way ─ and didn’t have to worry. Was it because of the way you walked? Too bouncy with the delight of being accept to the Uni that you wanted. Was it because of the way you dress? Not as one would expect for a chubby body. Was it just the fact that you weren’t the slender small girl he must be used to date? As much you would like to challenge him with all those questions, you didn’t know if you were prepared for the answers.

    So you didn’t.

    When you got into college, everything changed.

    There was some kind of rebellious vibe going around when you were a young adult with too much freedom and a whole new world to explore by yourself. As much as you weren’t sure you were able to. You met new people, new life visions, new styles, new philosophies… Then everything you ever thought was a given, suddenly didn’t seem as much of a label. You weren’t the same self-conscious and shy girl by the end of the semester, and Felix wasn’t the same giggling boy as well.

    You didn’t know what had changed in him, but something did.

    The giggling boy got more and more melancholic as time passed by, and even though you could still feel his eyes following you around, the amusement and bliss that he formerly displayed were nowhere to be found. He always had been the tiny and delicate one, but now he seemed small too. You didn’t know what happened back then, and you didn’t care, to be honest. You were feeling good about yourself, and maybe there was something about it that made it no fun for him anymore…

    The lack of interest made it easier for both of you.

    Somewhere along the last years, you and Felix finally hit it off.

    You thought it had something to do with the easiness that came along with the fact that neither of you was bound to previous judgment. You didn’t need Felix’s approval anymore because you didn’t have any feelings for him. He has matured enough to not need to keep silently mocking you and your silly infatuation. That was what you thought. The reality was that speaking to Felix, hanging out with Felix, meeting Felix, knowing Felix… If he ever was a jerk to you before, you couldn’t see any traces of it in his eyes, in his speech, or his gestures. He was just Felix. The friendly guy that befriended your younger brother. The younger guy that kept insisting on making his way to your mind and heart.

    You didn’t know how it all began.

    But you did know that somewhere along the way you fell for him.

    And that was exactly the reason why your heart was drumming inside your head as you closed your car’s door, all alone with him in the front seat as Hyunjin was long gone at the back, sleeping sonorously. You cleared your throat, glancing at him before turning the music on in hopes that it would help to light up the mood ─ even though nothing had spoiled it yet ─, and offering a small smile as you turned on the car. Unsurprisingly to you, as soon as Felix acknowledge to be all by himself with you, he started to be more talkative, getting rid of his previous anxiety and relaxing into the seat, throwing you a bright smile.

    You had yet to understand why he was like that.

    “So, how is everything going?” He asked, clearly interested in what you had to say as he crossed his arms and looked at you attentively. You shrugged, trying to remember something worthy of mention but not grasping anything at all “Nothing going on at your work? No annoying Professors? No crush?” He sounded quite casual but you still caught a glimpse of his eyes darting between you and the road to the last question.

    “The answer is the same as the last time you asked me those” You chuckled “There’s a lot going on at work but nothing interesting. There is always some annoying Professors, you can’t hide from them. Are you reporting my love life to my parents?” He laughed it off, shrugging as he turned his head to look at the passing scenarios.

    “No, I just want to hear more about you” He explained, voice muffled by his hand that supported his face as he elbowed the window “Also, those questions cover pretty much everything that could be going on in your life: Work, money, grades, social life, and love” He added, trying to convey a wise aura as he looked at you “You just need to actually answer them so we can keep this conversation going” He chuckled, making you snort at his conclusion.

    “Fair enough” You agreed “Let’s talk about you then” You suggested, and he whined when you didn’t give him any of the answers he was expecting “Why weren’t you at the party with Hyunjin?” You asked curiously, and he seemed to stiffen up to your question.

    “Valentine’s party” He said as if it explained everything “A bunch of single people trying to hook up before Sunday because they don’t actually have a date… I got better things to do” He shrugged, and you nodded. It shouldn’t have made you so relieved, but it was good to know that Felix didn’t care about hooking-up at parties as much as your brother did.

    “Like watching TV in your pajamas?” You teased, chuckling when he blushed under your gaze and pouted, crossing his arms over his chest and mumbling something under his breath “Nice pants, by the way… The one that gave it to you has a pretty good taste” You joked, and this time he laughed along with you, knowing fair too well that you were the one who gifted it to him.

    “Yeah, it seems like they do” He agreed playfully “I must say that whoever gave you that blouse is a fashionista! You look amazing in it”

    There was a moment of silence when neither of you laughed it off.

    The blouse was Felix’s present to you, which was a witty remark that you would appreciate and giggle about if he didn’t finish his sentence at all. You look amazing in it. The warmth crept into your cheeks, and you wished it didn’t spread to your chest like it did, lighting up something you couldn’t quite point out. You tried to fight that thought, but it still lingered somewhere in the back of your mind.

    He thought you looked amazing.

    You cleared your throat, making sure to push that idea aside before thanking him quietly for the compliment. It didn’t mean anything. He didn’t mean anything by it. He was just saying this because he was the one who gave you that gift. You could chant this how many times you wanted to inside your head but it still didn’t quite get there, leaving a bittersweet feeling inside your mouth.

    Did he mean it?

    It shouldn’t matter.

    It did.

  “I didn’t mean anything by it” He blurted out, checking for your reaction twice in a tense motion.

    “No- Yeah! I know” You feigned a laugh that sounded more like a snort than the classy one that you were aiming for “You’re just bragging about your taste in clothes” You nodded, pursing your lips in a weird grimace “I wasn’t thinking- I know you wouldn’t say something like this to me” You reassured him.

    “Yeah!” He chortled “Why would I ever tell you something like this?” He asked in a goofy tone that wasn’t meant to hurt you but it did anyway “It’s not like it would make a difference anyway…” He mumbled, less playful and more seriously now.

    “Wow” You blurted, blinking a few times, taken aback by his statement “That was a pretty jerky thing to say” You pointed out, slowly dropping the speed as you spotted a red light “I mean- That’s okay if you don’t find me attractive but you don’t need to make it sound like it’s something out of this world” You scoffed, poking your cheek with your tongue, annoyed by the sudden turn of events.

    “What?” He frowned, genuinely confused by your input “Who said I don’t find you attractive?” His tone was somewhere between a challenge and a question, making you furrow your brows as you stared blankly at him.

    “You” He seemed flabbergasted by your answer, so you scoffed once more before continuing “Why would you ever tell me I look amazing if it doesn’t make any difference?” You asked as if to remind him of what he had just said, glaring at the green light before speeding up again. “It doesn’t sound like you find me attractive at all” You pointed out, and he snorted, shaking his head in disbelief.

    “Really?” He was dumbfounded “You didn’t figure it out?” His mouth was agape, eyes wide as saucers as if he was seeing the world under a brand new light “I mean- Really?!” He couldn’t even keep himself on a train of thoughts, laughing at himself “I don’t even know what to say… I was being… No, really?” He narrowed his eyes at you in the end, suspicious of you for a second.

    “I don’t know what you’re talking about” You nagged, a scowl plastered on your face as you focused on the road.

    “Y/N…” He said softly, eyes twinkling under the street lights, “I mean…” He hesitated “What I meant is that I know that you only see me as a young brother and I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable” He explained calmly, and you couldn’t help but be surprised by it. When the hell did you treat him like a young brother? Was he blind or something? “I do find you attractive; I meant what I said… I just—“ He gulped down.

    “Really?” You asked skeptically “Because I remember clearly how you used to laugh at me back then, and now you suddenly—“ You scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief as you stopped at another red light “Uncomfortable…” You stressed the word as if you find it amusing “Do you know what makes me uncomfortable, Felix?!” You spat angrily, glaring at him.

    “Y/N, I have never laughed at your –“ He tried to defend himself, a stern expression on his face.

    “Don’t lie to me!” You spat, enraged as you got the green light back “I noticed your looks, Felix! I always did!” You fought back your urge to cry, hitting the steering wheel to release part of your pinned up frustrations “And the giggles!” You added, bitter for having to emphasize it “And I know you’re better now! I know you’ve grown up! I know you’re not the same silly teenager that you used to be! I know!” You blurted thought after thought, too avid to let it all out.

    There was no way to stop it now.

    “But you’re still avoiding me!” Your voice faltered in the end, choked with all of your emotions “Every single time we’re in public you treat me like I have the plague! Did you think I wouldn’t notice it?! Don’t you think it makes me uncomfortable?” You scoffed, glancing at him melancholically.

    “I… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable” He said sincerely, staring intensely at you “I didn’t think you minded it at all” He admitted “I just thought… I’m ashamed to be seen with you” He confessed, interlocking his fingers and lowering his head as he averted his gaze from you, fixing himself on his sit to face straight ahead.

    Ouch!  

    If he smacked your face, it would be less painful.

    “Wow” You laughed in shock, dumbfounded by his statement “Okay… I- Wow… I just…” You blinked a few times, poking your cheek with your tongue before shrugging “I really thought you had gotten better, you know? But that’s fine. It’s better this way… I don’t need you in my life if you’re so ashamed of me and—“ You tried your best to stay focused and mature but it wasn’t the easiest task you had had in your hands.

    “Wait! Ashamed of you?!” Felix snapped his eyes up, brows arched in utter surprise “Why would I ever be ashamed of you?!” He asked, widening his eyes before blinking, as if to see if he got things right, “You’re literally perfect! Why would I ever be ashamed of you?! You’re the one who should be ashamed of me!” He frowned in confusion, and you mimicked his expression.

    “What?” You had to be missing something “What are you talking about?” You asked, bewildered.

    “Y/N…” He chuckled, eyes wavering in a soft look that threw you off for a bit “You’re smart… And you’re hard-working too! You got into your dream college and you work and study and… I don’t even know! You’re older, and wiser, and better” He counted on his fingers “You’re gorgeous” He blushed, clearing his throat uncomfortably “I mean… You’re really attractive! Like… I mean-“ He stumbled over his words, making your heart burst inside your heart “You’re everything someone could ever want!” He offered you a small smile.

    Another red light.

    “And I’m just your brother’s best friend” He laughed bitterly “I’m younger, dumber, and I don’t even know how I managed to get into college with Hyunjin… I don’t have a job, and I’m just… I mean- You’re way out of my league, Y/N” He lowered his gaze, playing with his sleeve mindlessly “When we stand side by side… It’s like you’re the whole sun, all shiny and promising, and I’m… I don’t even know what I am” He snorted “How could I even dare to stand by your side?” He questioned, brokenhearted.

    “Felix…” You muttered, dismayed by what he had just said.

    Greenlight.

    “I didn’t look at you and giggled because I was making fun of you, Y/N… It was because I found you cute. When you wandered around the house like that… You’re adorable. You’re just too adorable, and I couldn’t help but watch you and…” He smiled to himself, eyes softening as if he was just remembering something “I felt happy… Every time you were around, I just felt so happy… But I was too shy to say anything” He sighed.

    So all of those looks…

    All of those smiles…

   “Then you got into college and I realized that… We were so far apart… You were so unreachable…” He smiled sadly, shrugging “I could only watch you from afar, and I would never be one of those friends you brought home… I would never be your classmate… I would never be anything more than your brother’s best friend…” He glanced at you, ashamed of what he was sharing “And that kinda made me see that being shy and silent around you had no point at all, you know? I never had a chance, to begin with”

    So the melancholy…?

    “I had no idea” You admitted, taking a turn to the left and facing another red light.

    You never had come across so many of those in your whole life.

    The heavy silence that fell upon you was eased by the music playing in the radio ─ a little too upbeat for the situation but it would have to do ─, and you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything to break that ice. You stared at him in deep thought, wondering how he could have gotten every single thing you ever did ─ and how you did just the same as him ─ so wrong and out of context. You blinked twice, eyes wandering around his face before focusing on the red light.

    You thought about how he didn’t tell you that he loved you, even if it sounded as he did. Was it something in the past? Or did he feel it now just like you did? Was his heart beating like yours? Was he hopeful like you that it would be some kind of confession in the air? Was it okay to just confess everything you had hidden inside of your chest?

    The red light looked too alluring as you avoided acting upon it.

    Then it struck you.

    How ironic it was that right when you wanted to confess your feelings (or hear a confession), there was a huge red sign like this right in front of your face? But also… How many times had you given the hugest of all green lights to Felix? How many times he did the same to you? How many times you tried to read the room and failed it? How many green signs were dyed red because of your insecurities and fears?

    You know what?

    Fuck it.

    You didn’t need to think twice to lean in and kiss him.

    You caught a glimpse of Felix’s startled face when you got closer to him, hand going to his neck to pull him in for a kiss. He didn’t complain, though. As soon as your lips met his, he was eager to return the kiss, hands going to cup your face and bring you closer to him. The kiss wasn’t really beautiful… It was kinda messy, unsynchronized and there was too much teeth in the formula. Yet, it had every single ounce of love that both of you nurtured for so long and were so afraid to show to each other.

    You could keep kissing him forever if he wanted to.

    And he did.

    But the light turned green.

    You broke away from the kiss as the horns started their enraged chorus behind you, chuckling as Felix gawked. You laughed, fixing yourself on your seat and starting the car again, finally getting out of their way. Felix blinked a few times, still too flabbergasted to say anything as he straightened up on his seat and looked ahead, ears set aflame.

    “You more than enough for me” You said, glancing at him “And I love you” You added, watching as he lowered his face, a huge smile plastering on his face as he whimpered excitedly.

    “I love you too” He muttered, sinking on the seat as you chuckled.

[wirewitchviolet]

Remember when we really tried to regulate children’s programming and advertising? So anyway in Raid Shadow Legends you can-

A friend of mine has noticed a rather obvious trend in fighting game youtube content for the past week or so, where suddenly it seems every big fighting game “influencer” is advocating quite out of the blue for new fighting games to switch to a “free to play” business model in the future. While that’s a horrible idea, and I might eventually circle back to why or write something else about it, it all comes across pretty damn scripted, like the result of some company starting to spend their advertising budget to push a game using that very model is, perhaps, paying or otherwise bribing anyone they see talking about the genre to advocate for their business model.

The thing of it is though, that’s not a scandal or anything. That’s standard practice for advertising these days. Which is, in and of itself, rather scary. So, history lesson time!

I wanted to start this off with a bunch of links and old news footage clips about the history of marketing directly to children, and hilariously enough every search I tried just kept giving me hour long video compilations of old toy commercials. Then another friend reminded me this Toy Galaxy video exists and yeah, this is perfect. Please just start this playing in the background as you continue to read, it goes over a ton of this stuff for me:

Granted some of us also prefer to just read, so as an alternative, here, here, and here are some substantive articles on the topic. And a follow-up here, from around 2000.

The short version is that after it was firmly established that kids watched a hell of a lot of TV and quoted it all the time, advertisers realized that hey, even if kids don’t actually have any money to spend themselves, it’s shockingly easy to get them completely and utterly obsessed with what they see on TV, and that can be exploited to get them pestering their parents to buy basically anything. But at the time, we weren’t QUITE living in the sort of hypercapitalist dystopia we have today yet, and there were enough people concerned about how terrifying the idea of brainwashing children to turn them into living spambots to try like hell to get regulations in place to keep it from happening.

Sadly this didn’t work. In fact it failed so badly I had to go hunt down all these links to try and make the mindset that “hey, He-Man is a line of action figures, why is there this TV show where a bunch of action figures are just walking around interacting with each other?” doesn’t seem completely alien. Not even getting into the concern over whether children would be able to differentiate when the show they’re watching took a break, and the next few minutes were going to be ads.

Actually I still need to unpack that one some more. When the gates first opened to this whole “aim television at children sometimes and not just adults,” the foot to get it in the door was that we could have educational TV. Like, for a good long while, TV aimed at kids just wasn’t a thing, and you’d just have the news or like, cop shows on at the times kids would be around the TV, and the big game changer to this was PBS launching with stuff like Sesame Street. And when I say that was the foot getting in the door, I’m saying stuff like G.I. Joe seriously argued (successfully, somehow) that oh yeah, we’re here to teach kids good life lessons just like the muppets there, look see?

But the idea was you’d have something that ACTUALLY had the sort of educational content on in your Saturday morning time slot, kids would be watching it with the explicit framing that “hey, these puppets or cartoon characters or whatever are going to explain a bunch of important life lessons, so do everything they say to” and then suddenly in the middle of all that educating rather than have a vampire pop up and teach you how to count, most channels would have a vampire pop up and tell you to just straight up eat a bowl of scratchy chocolate cookies for breakfast every day or whatever.

Those of us old enough to live through the 80s and 90s didn’t actually end up with that sort of scenario, because again, all the stuff we got was at least filtered through people jumping through a bunch of regulatory hoops and sincere efforts to separate out the real educational stuff to commercial free channels. Most of the actual impact had the form of creating these weird tonal shifts where there’s a clear demarcation between The Show, the lip service to “educational messaging,” and the actual formal toy commercials. The people who’d like to sell you toys would have preferred to have it all blur together, and again, we’ve got multiple generations obsessed with these things decades later, but people still had to twist themselves around to get mandated language in there like “you can pretend to do this with this” and “after the show, you can have this this do this” and such.

You also had a lot of “game cards do not actually talk” disclaimers, lots of emphasis on kids swinging the toys around and voicing them rather than really blur the lines by bringing in actual actors/voice actors. Here’s a good example of the thing although obviously blurring the fantasy line here would be extra inappropriate:

The point though was, again, the weirdos pushing the stuff they wanted to sell had to fight against regulatory bodies and serious advocates to get away with what they did at the time, and it’s kind of a problem how that’s no longer a concern for them. We’re past the days of kids being plopped in front of a TV and having that raise them, and into the era of “here have a computer/phone/tablet/still-a-TV to watch youtube on.” And youtube has absolutely no regulation whatsoever.

Weirdly, the concern here isn’t just about the sort of wild unchecked stuff children are seeing today, although I feel I’m obligated here to remind you that if you leave youtube on autoplay for a couple hours it is eventually going to meander over to white supremacist crap, if it isn’t cutting the middle man and just throwing nazi recruitment and bomb-making tips right into the middle of Minecraft tutorials.

The rest of the internet is also pretty terrible on this front. When looking for an article like the one I just linked I got slammed with image results of swastikas and SS officers made in Minecraft, plus this example of the sort of absolutely wild stuff nazis do to google bomb results for literally anything with propaganda:

Just a... tutorial on how to create a nazi flag in minecraft, on a wordpress page pretending to be the FAQ for a pizza restaurant. And let’s get a “monkey” in there too. But again, not actually what I was planning to talk about today.

No today’s concern is how, not just children today, but those now 30 or 40 year old kids growing up on He-Man, and their parents, really everyone, tend to watch a lot of random people on youtube the way people used to watch regulated broadcast TV. And advertisers are totally aware that not only are there no regulations on that, the people airing those videos are just doing so independently, and by and large not only have no problem whatsoever blending advertising scripts right in with their mainline content, but will probably do so for like, $100. Or maybe even just a pile of in-game scrip for whatever exploitative slot-pull mechanic the “free-to-play” game they’re being coached on how to plug. So in addition to the standard low-effort adbot approach of flooding any comment box anywhere with crap like this:

You’ve got people who people trust as wise experts on, in today’s example, fighting games, posting videos like this, and presumably working the same sort of comments in casually in other contexts.

To be clear I’m not trying to single anyone out here. I’m fairly certain anyone with a large enough audience on youtube (or twitter, facebook, instagram, wherever) constantly gets offers to sell out like this, and I can’t really fault them for taking them because the only ways to make money on the internet are to sell ads or ask nicely for donations.

... although actually no I kind of would like to single someone out because I just noticed that this particular example of disguising advertising as honest enthusiasm for both the product and its terrible business model is specifically for something from Riot Games. So much as I had to get into the nazi propaganda stuff, I need to take a minute to say screw Riot for having so much sexual harassment they eventually had to pay out a 100 million dollar class action settlement to everyone who hadn’t already individually settled with them for monstrous behavior, screw Riot for weird creepy stalker crap, and screw them again for using that unlicensed likeness for their weird parasocial depression twitter stunt, screw them for leaking internal discussions about diversity to nazi sites and using the resulting backlash to justify firing people raising legitimate concerns, and as an aside, screw everyone involved in starting a weird as hell witch hunt against me for agreeing to pass some of the details of that along. I’m half-tempted to scrap this whole post at this point because seriously I’ve never said anything even vaguely critical about that company before without a massive organized backlash. Not sure if that reflects on the company or just their fanbase though.

Anyway, forgive me for that little bit of digression. Point is, we are absolutely living in a lawless frontier right now where there are absolutely no rules in place in an equivalent role to broadcast standards, advertising can and does routinely disguise itself as anything but, and you’re probably better off just assuming any given statement made by someone with a decent sized audience on youtube has at least a 50/50 shot of just being someone’s ad copy.

And I guess I should also take a moment to get into “what no, making fighting games ‘free-to-play’ is a nightmare scenario,” huh?

So... there is a whole gigantic history lesson in how ever since we’ve had the infrastructure for “microtransactions” there’s been a bit of a race to the bottom in the game industry. You’re probably already really, really familiar with this. If you somehow aren’t, here’s enough explainer videos on the subject to last you a few months. Fighting games however have done a better job than most genres of avoiding that. They’ll absolutely charge you for a base game and sell you DLC later, but the pre-DLC model for the genre was to sell you a base game, wait a couple years, and release a special edition of the same game with some new feature/balance patches for characters/a couple new characters, and these days they’ll still give you those new characters, or they’ll let you pay the difference to grab just the new stuff if you already have the original release. And you know, by the nature of the genre, “here have 4 new characters on top of the existing roster” is a significantly more substantial and transformative add-on than the next-best-case for DLC expansions, here’s another pile of missions with a new story line. Monetization wise, fighting games are in a pretty good place.

If encouraged to go to a “free to play” sort of setup, presumably what you’d see instead is the introduction of the horrible mobile game banner pull hell, where you’re either ponying up cash for Fighter Gems or whatever to play the slot machine for each month’s new character or variation on an existing character (my hat is still off to the naming of gender swapped Mr. Big shown below), or maybe throwing your life away on some horrible in-game grind and accepting your losses if the few pulls that gives you just unlocks a new color palette for someone you already have. Or don’t have.

Now, I can also see, to be fair, a less exploitative version of this model. I mean, I literally can. If you’re running windows, you can too. Just go into the little search bar there by the start menu, look for “Xbox” and it’ll pull up this weird little storefront you probably didn’t know was there, and you can download the really good “modern” Killer Instinct for free there. Lets you play as the most boring character (and I think maybe one other on kind of a weekly rotation thing?) then you can just permanently buy whichever characters you like a la cart, and that’s fine.

But that’s not actually a particularly profitable business model. It’s possibly the most fun fighting game I’ve ever played, it’s coming up on 10 years old, but there’s no ongoing support, no sequels on the horizon, and here I am having to go all “you have Uno!” to let you know you can even play it (and half the player base just bought everything at once off Steam for like $5 because that’s way more convenient and the crossplay between the two doesn’t let you play with specific friends). Make a big push towards “free to play” as the hot new model and you know you’re just going to switch from decent regular content chunks to some gatcha garbage from at least a majority of publishers.

So in conclusion, advertising needs regulation, youtube is a cesspit, free-to-play is bad, and uh... yeah maybe try Killer Instinct I guess?

[velkynkarma]

Big List of FMA Parental Roy Mustang Fic Recs

Recently a family member of mine has been enjoying Fullmetal Alchemist for the first time. I’ve been revisiting it too for fun. While I was at it, I decided to poke through the fandom, revisit old fic favorites, and see if there were any good new ones. 

Turns out: there are!

I was always a big fan of Roy Mustang, and especially fics where he acts as a surrogate parental figure for Ed and Al, accidentally or intentionally. It was hard to find good ones though, so I thought I’d throw together a list of fic recs. 

Everything here is platonic, and does not focus on romantic relationships. Fics can be from the 2003 anime, Brotherhood, or the manga. 

To the Night Sky by Ranowa 

Summary: They tell him he lost his mind. He doesn't remember anything else, so he believes them. But if that's the case, then why does he sometimes feel like he doesn't belong here... and neither does that little, annoying, blond kid named Ed? 

Comments: In the author’s words, ‘not a traditional amnesia fic,’ and it sure isn’t. Long, eventful, has a ton of hurt/comfort but also a great background plot that ends up becoming more important the farther you go. This author also has a few other great FMA fics that are worth checking out, but this one stuck out to me the most. 

War Heroes by Akarii

Summary: Drawn by rumors of a Philosopher's Stone, Edward travels to North City along with Roy and the soldiers of Eastern Command who plan to compete in the North vs. East Training Exercises. However, Ed and Roy find their lives at risk when they get captured by a rebellion group who aim for the end of all State Alchemists and the entire Amestrian government.

Comments: Great adventure fic with some good hurt/comfort, but also plenty of Roy and Ed both kicking ass and taking names. This author also has some other FMA fics that are definitely worth checking out as well, but this was again the stand-out for me. 

Number Twenty Eight by Sevlow

Summary: As of today, Edward Elric had been missing for four months, two weeks, and five days.

Comments: An oldie but still a goodie. Ed goes missing, and when he’s found again, he’s a Nina-esque dog chimera in bad shape. With Al on the other side of the country chasing down another lead on his missing brother, it’s up to Roy to try and fix Ed, and take care of him in the interim. Chimera!fic was a dime a dozen back in the days of the 2003 anime fandom, but this was one of the ones that delivered on the premise. Years later, it still holds up and remains a personal favorite, with plenty of hurt/comfort and dark humor moments. Sevlow has a lot of other Roy-centric fics that are equally good, though not necessarily parental!Roy.

Warning: Parts of this fic do get super dark, with references to suicide, gore, and implied sexual abuse during Ed’s missing months. 

Bookwrm389: This author had some of my favorite FMA fics back in the day. Imagine my shock when I discovered their FF.net account has been completely deleted within the past year. Thankfully, they only orphaned their stories on AO3, so they’re still available. Since it is an orphaned account now, I can’t link to it for people to browse at their leisure, so here’s individual links to all my favorites:

Gold from Lead ~ There were whispers. There was absolutely no way to stop them. Ed would rip out his spleen if he knew what all those people were insinuating about the two of them.

Comments: Ed gets kidnapped by insurgents to be used as ransom against his father. The problem? Thanks to the rumor mill, everyone thinks his father is Colonel Roy Mustang. 

Your Son ~ "I'm not your father. It's not fair that you can affect me this much." A military function becomes a nightmare when Ed accidentally takes a poisoned drink meant for Roy.

Comments: Exactly what it says on the tin. Somebody tries to assassinate Roy, and Ed gets caught in the crossfire. Excellent hurt-comfort. Also features Maes Hughes being awesome, and Roy having an existential oh my god am I a dad????? moment. 

Tempest ~ Ed is adamant that he doesn't need a father. And it's only when he's about to lose the closest thing he has to one that he understands how very wrong he is.

Comments: Has a solid dose of both action-adventure and hurt/comfort and found family moments. It’s the full package. 

Shadow of a Doubt ~ It was meant to be a simple inspection, but a disturbing dream makes Ed uneasy and fearful. His anxiety intensifies when the mission takes a dangerous turn, putting his and Mustang's lives at risk. Can he hold it together long enough to save them both?

Comments: Another nice, long fic with a good combination of action, hurt/comfort, and family moments. One of my favorites.

Likeness ~ One morning mere hours before an inspection, Roy is amazed to receive absolute proof that his young subordinate is growing up.

Comments: A surprisingly adorable fic in which Roy ends up being the one to teach Ed how to shave. 

Bonus fics that aren’t specifically parental Roy but do still have some hilarious Roy and Ed interaction: 

Military Courtesy ~ Ed learns how to do a proper military salute and promptly drives the Colonel absolutely insane (or not)

Who’s the Alchemist? ~ A Who’s on First parody that goes exactly like how you’d expect but still had me cracking up

Name Calling by Lost_And_Longing

Summary: From the start, Roy Mustang had always believed in Edward Elric. Even after he'd learned the horrific story of their attempt at human transmutation, Mustang had just looked at Ed and offered him a chance. He'd come when Ed was despondent, weak, and helpless...and offered him a way out. Maybe that was why, out of all the men Ed knew, Roy was the closest thing he'd ever had to a father.

Comments: A 5+1 based on all the different names and titles Ed uses for Roy. Has a nice dollop of humor, hurt/comfort, and parental moments. 

Of Hospitals and Health by ReminiscentRevelry

Summary: Al is still recovering after the Promised Day, so Colonel Mustang pays him a visit.

Comments: Post-series (although not by much). A nice fic where Al actually gets a little moment with Mustang. Most parental Roy fics are with Ed, so this was a nice change of pace as well as as sweet little fic in which Roy shows he cares about both of the Elrics, even if only one is technically his subordinate.

Twelve Cups of Coffee by BeyondtheClouds777

Summary: Roy finds a sleep-deprived Edward in his office.

Comments: Just a cute little one shot in which a freshly appointed State Alchemist Edward Elric overworks himself trying to find the solutions to his and Al’s problem, and Roy makes sure he knows not to push himself too hard.

Point of Exhaustion by Took-Baggins

Summary: Roy never thought he'd be the one to be there when Edward finally pushed himself too far, but when the Fullmetal Alchemist suddenly collapses there's no one else to hold him down until he can stand again.

Comments: Another fic in which Teenagers Are Just Bad At Knowing How To Take Care Of Themselves, so the adults step in to make sure they do. Ed’s not eating or sleeping properly when he’s so obsessed with getting Al’s body back and makes himself sick. Features both a parental Roy and a parental Hawkeye, because both of them are fed up with the smallest youngest member of their team not properly taking care of himself and are not gonna let that stand. 

When the Rain Falls by Marcellebelle

Summary: Colonel Roy Mustang has two problems: Edward and Alphonse Elric.

Comments: Still a WIP, but the first two chapters are definitely promising. A sickly Ed calls Roy asking for help when his brother is kidnapped, and now Roy has to find one and make sure the other is taken care of. Really looking forward to seeing where this one goes.

As always, if you take the time to check any of these out, try to leave a comment or kudos for the writers and their hard work!

[clandonnachaidh]

Light Across The Seas That Severed (Ch3)

AO3

Even after years of friendship, of seeing each other through some of the best and some of the hardest times of their lives, Jamie Fraser would still need to catch his breath at the sight of Claire Beauchamp when she really laughed. With her head thrown back, her whisky eyes would screw shut and she would run her long fingers into her beautiful hair in comedic exasperation.

If watching her laugh was a sight to behold, making her laugh was the best thing in the world.

They were sat across from each other surrounded by a pungent cloud of smoke, both of them situated on plush sofas of green leather that was cracked and worn from use. With each passing minute, Jamie felt like the sofa was beginning to swallow him. He made the mistake of voicing his concern to Claire.

She thought the whole thing was hilarious, obviously, and told him so before taking a bite out of the space cake that she had cut down the middle to share.

“Edibles are stronger, you’ll only need half anyway,” she had said in her matter of fact way that she had, taking charge of the situation from the minute they’d stepped foot in the coffee shop.

Jamie Fraser, being the good catholic boy that he was, had never been inside such a place and he certainly hadn’t experienced anything like the Red Light District that they had just walked through. Of course he had heard of Amsterdam’s relaxed laws when it came to sex work and drugs but seeing it first hand was something entirely different. When he caught sight of the first woman in the window, her long blonde hair tumbling around her bare shoulders, he felt the blush rise to the very tips of his ears as Claire just laughed and dragged him by the hand, deeper into the belly of the beast.

The plan had been for them to spend two days in the city before they said goodbye. Claire was following her heart (which took the shape of one Frank Randall, the same bastard who’d stood her up the night that Jamie and Claire had kissed for the first and only time) to Boston where she’d managed to get a placement in a surgical programme while Frank would teach at Harvard. It had taken everything in Jamie not to break when she told him, the smile that she had plastered on her face not quite reaching her eyes as she surveyed his reaction over her coffee cup. He had swallowed the rising panic in his throat and felt as it soured in his stomach but he managed to calm himself long enough to take a deep breath and tell her the truth — that he was proud of her and he would miss her. He would miss her so much.

Jamie knew that she was lying about not being able to book a more straightforward trip from London to Boston and he strongly suspected that she had orchestrated the two day layover in Amsterdam for the sole purpose of asking if he’d like to join her, a mini break that they both sorely needed after an arduous final year at university. He hadn’t even needed to think about it before he agreed and in the week leading up to it, he had struggled to think of anything but watching her as she wandered around the Rijksmuseum, oblivious to the art hanging on the walls when he had his own masterpiece right in front of him.

“I canna believe I’m in such a place wi’ ye, Sassenach, and for breakfast no less,” he said, hearing a laugh that didn’t sound quite like his own. Frowning at himself, he looked across at her as she chuckled kindly at him, her index finger dabbing a crumb from the corner of her mouth before popping it between her lips. The lips that he had tasted just once years ago in what had been agreed as a funny drunken lapse of judgment in a grubby old pub on the edge of their college campus.

“You just need to relax and you’ll enjoy it, I promise,” she said. It had been her idea to get high first thing in the morning and then spend the remainder of their final day together strolling around the museums and parks of the city, allowing themselves to get into the spirit of the place and cut loose for once.

He watched her waggling her eyebrows suggestively, looking to him like furry brown worms, “You seemed to enjoy the ladies outside well enough.”

He went bright red and tried to sit up straighter amongst the sofa cushions that were trying their best to swallow him, “Dinna be daft, ye ken I wouldnae pay a woman to do that sort of thing.”

“A lot of people pay for sex, Jamie, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Two consenting adults and all that.”

He had always known that Claire was a very liberal thinker and she spent a lot of time and energy educating herself on things to broaden her perspective of the world. Jamie admired her for it even if he did enjoy poking fun at her sometimes, just to watch the spark catch fire in her eyes as she told him precisely why he was wrong.

“Aye well, that’s all fine an’ weel but I winna be dealing wi’ it myself, thank ye.”

“Oh, live a little, Fraser. How long has it been since Annalise? Seven months?” She asked him directly as he made a very Scottish noise in the back of his throat in an attempt to dismiss the conversation about his ex-girlfriend.

“I’ll thank ye to leave her out of our weekend,” he warned her jokingly, delighting in the corner of her mouth quirking upwards in amusement. Before he knew it, the words were tumbling out of his mouth, “Besides, Lise and I, we never…”

He watched as Claire’s eyes almost burst from her skull as she leaned forward, her beautiful mouth gaping at his revelation. Why the hell had he told her that? They never spoke about the personal details of their respective relationships, it was the unspoken rule between them. Don’t ask, don’t tell. Jamie could think of nothing worse than sitting and listening to Claire regale him of her sexual exploits with the uptight historian. It also meant that Claire didn’t know exactly how much sex Jamie wasn’t having.

“Never?! You were together for a year!” The amazement in her voice was evident and Jamie flopped backwards in the sofa, raising his hands to his face. He cursed the effects of the marijuana that had relaxed him to the point where he was divulging information that he would usually keep behind his teeth.

“Never, okay?”

“Wow… okay… not sure what to do with that but okay,” she mirrored his body language, collapsing back onto her sofa and tucking her legs up underneath her. “So you’ve not had sex in what, just shy of two years? Good God, you must have the patience of a saint.”

“Something like that,” he mumbled into his palms, refusing to remove them for the fear of her gaze seeing the truth that he was trying desperately to keep hidden but that was on the tip of his very stoned tongue.

“Longer than two years?” He heard her whisper in disbelief.

“Try 24.”

They sat in silence for a few seconds before it became too much, he had to look at her to gauge her reaction to his honesty. He had expected her to laugh or to yell in surprise but he realised that she mostly just looked curious, like she was trying to figure out the answer to the puzzle that was sat opposite her.

“You’re a virgin?” He nodded in response and watched as her shoulders dropped slightly, smiling kindly at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because we dinna talk about things like this,” he sighed. He could see all the questions that were threatening to slip past her lips.

“Have you not wanted to? Because that’s okay, maybe you’re just not into the thought of-“

“Christ, no! No, I’m definitely into the thought of it,” he laughed. “From the age of thirteen to seventeen, I barely thought of anything else. Besides, I said I was a virgin, no’ a monk. I’ve done stuff.”

She laughed at that, “So why not? I’m sorry, you absolutely do not have to tell me but I- just… how? Why?”

“Was just waitin’ on the right woman,” he shrugged in an attempt to appear nonchalant about the whole thing. Whether she was buying it or not, he couldn’t tell but he was certain that if she listened hard enough, she could hear his heart beating out a rhythm in time with the syllables of her name.

Because that was the real truth, wasn’t it? That he had been waiting for her.

She didn’t say anything in response, just leaned to cut the remaining space cake in half again, offering the larger half to Jamie that he almost snatched from her, anything to distance himself from the conversation that they were having.

He was grateful when she left it at that, being able to intuit that he wasn’t comfortable with the line of questioning. That night, when the effects of their morning had worn off, they rented bikes and attempted to navigate the city like the locals did, getting horribly lost and ending up drinking a beer by the canal as the sun went down. Jamie watched as the rays painted her pale skin gold and the wind caught the folds of her sundress, settling the material delicately against her bonnie wee shins. It had been the perfect day and Jamie didn’t want it to end. But he knew that it had to.

In the morning, she was getting on a plane.

“Shall we head back, d’ye think? It’s been a long day,” he said quietly, pulling her out of the daydream that she was sat in. She turned to face him with a dreamy smile on her face as she nudged his shoulder with her head.

“The best day,” she said simply. “Let’s go.”

They walked the short distance back to their hotel in silence, neither of them needing to fill it with words as they just existed in each other’s company. When they got to their hotel room, he made light work of pulling off his hoodie and collapsed onto his twin bed with the remote in his hand as she shut herself in the bathroom, the lock gently clicking behind her. Jamie ran a hand over his tired face and tried to concentrate on the tv. He had an ear for languages, being the proud new owner of a First in Modern Languages and Linguistics from Oxford, but the rules of Dutch seemed to be far removed from that of the French and German, and a little Italian, that naturally clicked together in his brain.

He strained to listen in an attempt to isolate some of the sounds, let his mind create patterns and try to fill in the gaps but he was tired and gave up quickly, punching the pillow that was under his head to prop up his neck a little further so that he could look out of the window. He heard the bathroom door unlock.

That was when he saw her. Really saw her for the first time. And it wasn’t because he could see more of her skin than he had ever seen before but because of the look that was painted on her face. Her beautiful face radiating a vulnerability and softness that he had never seen the depths of before, never as unguarded as she was in that moment. She smiled shyly at him and her hand came to cover her bare stomach slightly. Panic clutched at Jamie’s chest as he watched her wall build itself back up.

He was on his feet before he even knew it, pulling her hand back down to her side and lacing their fingers together.

It was always easier if they touched.

“What are ye doin’, Claire?” He tried to keep his voice soft, to not let the need he was feeling flow out in every word. She blushed and ducked her head, as though looking him in the eye would break the spell.

“I just thought…” she trailed off before defiantly bringing her head up and fixing him with a stare. “I can’t stand the idea of you having your first time with someone who doesn’t appreciate you.”

She had sounded strong and sure but Jamie’s head was birling. He took a step closer to her, so close that he could feel her breath on his chest and looked down at her body, barely an inch of space between them. The swell of her breasts were contained by a lace bra, a lilac so soft that it made her pale skin look like ivory against it. She was wearing matching underwear, just a scrap of material really, and his cock twitched at the thought of what she must look like from behind. The amazing arse of his best friend that he had shamefully lusted after for so long.

He raised the hand that wasn’t tangled with hers to hover over her heart, not quite touching the skin but watching as the goosebumps appeared anyway. She let out a shaky breath through perfectly pursed lips and he knew then what she was doing, the gift that she was giving him. Because she knew or at the very least suspected how he felt about her. She’d have to be blind not to see it.

She was saying goodbye.

“Claire… lass, we dinna have to do this. You dinna have to do this for me,” he whispered but he barely managed to get the words out before she popped up on her toes and closed the gap between them.

For a moment, they stood still. Neither of them moved a muscle for fear of breaking whatever magic had been cast over them. But then his mouth moved instinctively, applying pressure to her lips in an attempt to open them so his tongue could reacquaint itself with hers, so many years since they first kissed. He heard her, felt her, sigh softly and that was all the proof that he needed to wrap his arms around her and pin her to his chest, his mouth greedily seeking hers. Her hands found his face and thinking that she meant to push him away, he immediately let her go and took a step back from her, breath bursting from his lungs.

“I’m so sorry, lass, I didnae mean to get carried away-“

“Jamie, stop. You’re overthinking this,” she interrupted him by pressing her body back to his and put a steady hand on his cheek, his face leaning in to press a kiss to her open palm. The reality of the situation filled him. When the sun came up the next day, she would pack her things and they would travel to the airport to say goodbye. His chest tightened and he exhaled heavily, trying to take a steadying breath but it shattered in his throat and he tried to suck another in. Noticing that he was beginning to panic, Claire urged him to look at her. “It’s just me, Jamie, it’s us. Do you want this? Do you want me?”

“Oh God, yes.”

Their mouths snapped back together and all was right with the world. He couldn’t stop touching her, desperate to elicit sounds from her that she had kept hidden from him for so many years, ones that he thought he’d never have the privilege of hearing. An errant thought passed through his head, that maybe he should feel nervous about his first time, about not satisfying her, but the way that she was reacting to his kiss put his mind at ease. He would take everything in, commit everything to memory and be attentive to what she seemed to like and not like. She was terrible at lying, his Sassenach, and he was secure in the knowledge that he already knew her better than anyone else on this earth.

He was pulled from his thoughts at the feeling of her hands on his zipper and he groaned into their kiss as her hand brushed against his painfully hard cock through the thick material of his jeans. Everything was happening too fast and at the same time, not fast enough. He wished to be utterly consumed by her, to share something that neither of them would ever be able to take back. Something that he knew he would carry with him until the day he died.

Claire’s skilled fingers divested him of his jeans and he refused to break their kiss as he wriggled out of them, swallowing her giggles when she realised what he was up to. He ran his hands from her hips up the soft planes of her body, feeling her delicate ribs under her skin and brushing around the lace of her bra to where it joined in the back. Whether it was intuition or he fact that he practically ripped the clasp apart in blind need, he had no idea, but his fingers fumbled less than he had anticipated.

“I want to see you too,” she whispered against his lips, pulling his t-shirt over his head in one quick movement before she fixed him with a stare, licked her tongue down the palm of her hand as Jamie’s eyes widened in disbelief before her hand disappeared into the waistband of his boxers.

“Christ,” he shuddered, screwing his eyes shut in an attempt to contain the feel of her warm, wet hand on his cock. Her grip was firm on him as his jaw hung open and she greedily claimed his mouth once more as she quickened the pace.

When her mouth disappeared from his, Jamie opened his eyes in confusion to see that she’d dropped to her knees in front of him, her index fingers taking the fabric of his boxers on the same descent. The sight alone nearly undid him but it was nothing compared to the heat that enveloped him as she took him inside her mouth. Fingers immediately threaded through her hair, he squeezed his eyes shut with a gasp as she took him as far back as she could, which was no small task given the size of him. His mind betrayed him with a memory of Annalise trying her hardest but he was never truly convinced that she had wanted to do it, suspecting that she felt like it was an obligation which meant that Jamie could never really enjoy the act. As though she knew that his mind had wandered, Claire’s fingers gripped him tightly as her mouth kept a steady rhythm and his hips jerked forwards instinctively. An attempt at a stuttered apology was on the tip of his tongue but she beat him to it, moaning around him and sending delicious vibrations down his length. Knees buckling slightly at the sensation, Claire’s whisky eyes peered up at him, her lips plump and wet and with a hollowing of her cheeks and a hard suck, she sent him crashing over the edge, moaning her name as he did.

As the stars that had burst into his vision began to fade, he fought to get his breath back, feeling the brush of her body as she got up from her knees.

“Did that feel good?” She whispered as he nodded furiously, bumping their noses together in his enthusiasm. She laughed quietly and went back to kissing him, the feeling of her smile on his lips.

“It was amazing,” he told her. “Thank you.”

She laughed at his earnest gratitude, “I know how you can make it up to me.”

Taking his hand and leading the both of them towards her bed, Claire didn’t allow for too much space to come between their bodies as she lay back and pulled him down with her. Jamie’s mind raced as the sight. How many times had he imagined this? And how pitiful his imagination had been when conjuring it, missing the exquisite details like the way her her skin trembled at his touch and the softness of the sole her foot trailing up the back of his calf as he lay on top of her.

He knew that he was the luckiest man alive as he kissed down her body and a found a freckle on the inside of her thigh. To know the secret parts of her, to have her share them with him when she kept everyone else at arm’s length. How could he not be in love with her?

“Touch me, Jamie.”

He knew that those were the words that would wake him in a sweat for the years to come as he revisited this moment in his dreams. Hearing them fall from her throat was a blessing and he wasn’t one to squander such an invitation. He was trying to be gentle with her so as to not scare her off but in that moment, his trembling fingers became sure and shredded through the thin lace of her underwear, ripping them from her body with a deep growl that he didn’t know he was capable of producing. He felt her body melt into the mattress as his middle finger found her wet centre, her legs quivering in response.

“Oh, my Claire… how beautiful you feel,” he whispered as she moaned loudly, pushing her hips towards him in an attempt to receive more attention. His warm hand left her and closed around her hipbone as he kept her at a distance, blue eyes blazing into whisky ones with so much love that it made her mouth water. Not breaking eye contact, his fingers flexed around her hip, holding her in place as he brought his mouth to her core.

Claire threw her head back against the pillow, mouth agape.

“What the fuck,” she gasped. He had told her that he wasn’t entirely green behind the ears but it was nice to hear the shock in her voice as he set his tongue to work. Within minutes Claire’s body was writhing, one hand fisted in the bedsheets like she was holding on for dear life. It still wasn’t enough and so he shifted his arms underneath her, running them up the length of her back and pulling her closer into his mouth. She squeaked with surprise as she settled her weight onto her shoulders, trusting that Jamie’s strength would hold her steady as he relentlessly licked and nipped at her.

“Jamie, I’m-“

Claire was unable to finish as her words were replaced by a loud moan, Jamie’s growl indicating that he was not willing to let her go without knowing what it felt like for her lose herself on his tongue.

Fingers gripping his curls, Claire pulled slightly and he felt her entire body go rigid as she tried to control the feelings that were coursing through her body. Jamie slid two fingers into her and lightly flicked his tongue against her, holding her steady as she began to convulse in his arms. He was fascinated to learn that she didn’t make a sound, only screwed her eyes shut and let her mouth hang open as she rolled her hips against him, riding out her orgasm.

When he felt her shy away from his tongue, he gave her a final kiss and moved up towards her, delighting in the way that she curled her hand around the back of his neck and brought his mouth down to hers, tasting herself on his lips.

“Not a monk indeed,” she laughed breathily as she ran her fingers through her hair, her eyes shutting slightly as the aftershocks ran through her.

“I’m a man of many talents, if I do say so myself.”

“I wonder what else you’re good at,” she raised a single eyebrow above a pair of seductive eyes and Jamie took the opportunity to press his renewed erection against her thigh.

“Only one way to find out, I suppose.”

Her hands sought out his body again, as though they were always meant to be touching and she moaned a little when she felt that he was hard so soon after his orgasm.

“We can stop here, Jamie. This is your choice. Whatever you want.”

“I want ye so much, I can scarcely breathe. Will ye have me?”

“Yes,” she sighed deliriously, “Yes, I’ll have you.”

“Come here to me, Jamie,” she whispered as she took him in hand and lead him to her opening. He steeled himself, taking a deep breath and basking in the look of wonder on her face, soon replaced by a quiet, exquisite joy as he pushed himself home for the first time.

She was like velvet. Impossibly soft and hot, wet with her need and it was all he could manage not to immediately race to his finish, to take her with a force and a desperation that he knew was painted on his features. With the strength of an army, he stilled himself and raised his face to hers, nearly coming undone when their eyes met.

Claire had never looked at him like that. Her cheeks were flushed from her pleasure, her pupils blown wide and stunned. His soul was laid open to her and hers to him. And he knew that his face showed the unfathomable depth of his love for her, incapable of hiding it when they were joined like this.

Jamie could have stayed that way forever but his physiology had other ideas, his hips responsively snapping into hers. She moaned and tilted her hips to meet him, raising a knee upwards to cradle his side and deepen the angle of him inside of her. Jamie was completely unaware that something could feel this good and he lowered his head to capture her lips as he began to rock his hips against hers.

All worries that he may have had left him when he watched the way she responded to his body, her fingertips digging into the muscles of his biceps until he was sure that they would bruise. She was panting and moaning beneath him, making tiny movements with her body that produced huge waves of sensation in his. He was so distracted by his own pleasure that the first time she clenched lightly around him, he wasn’t even sure that it had happened. Looking down at her, he mimicked the movement with his hips and earned himself another wonderful contraction coupled with an urgent moan that ripped from her chest.

He slowed his pace, not wanting to be undone before she reached her peak and moved his fingers to her mouth which she accepted greedily. Screwing his eyes shut at the sensation, he trailed his hand down her body to the place where they joined and lightly found the bundle of nerves at the top of her sex. She convulsed, eyes snapping open in pleasure and he wished for the hundredth time that he could drown in them.

As his fingers began to stroke her, he watched as her body changed from pliant and soft to frantic and needy. Her hands moved to his arse and pulled him into her, keening at the feeling of his cock coupled by the pleasure that he was seeking in her from his fingers.

“You’re going to make me come, Jamie,” she sobbed in surprise and he doubled down his efforts to find it for her, to let her chase her pleasure before he gave in to his own. What a gift to be able to feel the way her body reacted to his, to know how it felt when she came close to her orgasm. Her tight muscles fluttered around him as he watched the flat plane of her stomach clench in an attempt to control the pleasure that was crashing through her body. It was all too much.

“Give me your mouth, Sassenach,” he gasped as he sealed his mouth to hers, their tongues hungrily seeking the other. It was the moment of combustion when they finally met and her body convulsed once more before she began to shake uncontrollably, noises coming from her that he never thought he’d hear. It was everything he needed in that moment as he began to pour himself into her, unable to stop the frantic jerk his hips as he experienced a blinding white pleasure that he’d never felt before.

Only just managing to shift his body so that he didn’t collapse his entire weight onto her, Jamie rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling as he waited for his heart rate to slow. He was hyper aware of Claire’s body beside him, of the rise and fall of her chest as she descended from waves of pleasure that he had elicited in her. He’d expected for his mind to be running a hundred miles a minute but all he felt was serenity. In that moment, the world was exactly as it should be.

“Christ,” Jamie huffed, unable to stop the air bursting from his lungs. The question fell out of him before he had a chance to stop it. “Is it always like that?”

He didn’t look at her, couldn’t force his eyes to look at her face in case he didn’t like what he saw. But his eyes began to drift closed at the feeling of Claire curling her naked body around his, bringing a bent leg to rest over his abdomen and her hair splaying on his chest.

“No, it isn’t.”

[hexensalbei]

when i’m at home

“... And she just came by the station and brought us coffee!”, Eddie grimaces, trying not to grit his teeth.

“Isn't it a nice gesture?”, Adriana asks; there's hint of amusement in her voice and she's not even trying to hide it. It's late evening; her kids are already in bed and so is Christopher which allows her to talk with her brother for a while. It's kinda their tradition—every few days they call each other—mostly via Skype—to catch up and check if everything's alright. She really enjoys it; the Diaz siblings has always been pretty close no matter how far away they have lived.

“It is. It's just... Why was she even at the station? I thought there's nothing between them. Not after that disaster of a date”, Eddie sighs. Seeing Buck chatting and laughing with Taylor Kelly at the end of their shift really put him in a bad mood. He still doesn't trust her especially around his best friend. He just knows that redhead reporter isn't the right person for Buck. Who repeatedly said he wants a serious relationship, not just a meaningless hookup.

And yet, he's still seeing her. It bothers Eddie so much he spilled out about it when Adriana asked what's up. He thought that it might help him calm down but he feels like he's just more angry than he has been earlier.

“Maybe they're just friends.”, Adriana suggests after a few moments of silence between them. She eyes him suspiciously. “Isn't it what Buck said anyway? That they're better off being friends?”

“Then why was she flirting with him for the whole she was there? Why did she bring him his favourite coffee?”. It's very clear that Eddie's annoyed that his sister isn't throwing insults at Buckley's not-so-new female friend.

“You flirt with him all the time and nobody says anything.”

Eddie freezes.

After what it feels like hours, he looks up at his sister. She has that odd, annoying smug on her face like she knows she's absolutely right and he has sudden urge to wipe it off. She just waits patiently for him to catch up what she said.

“I... What now?”

“You flirt with him all the time. And everyone is fine with it.”, she repeats very loud and clear.

“I don't”, Eddie scoffs. Has she gone mad and he hasn't noticed? He doesn't flirt with Buck, they're just best friends. They joke and bicker quite often but that's it. There's only friendly, platonic banter.

“Have you ever considered you might be in love with Buck?”, Adriana asks. Her question is serious even though Eddie sees the mischief in her eyes.

“Don't you think I would've noticed that I'm in love with my best friend?”, he answers with another question.

He really believes in that. He's been in love once in his life and it was Shannon. And he was definitely aware of his feelings. He still remembers first nervous glances, shy smiles and stuttering. He remembers first touches and kisses and how he had felt butterflies in his stomach. He also recalls their arguments, make-up sex and tears when they'd been hurting each other. Even when Shannon had re-appeared in his life, he was fully aware he still loved her. So if he did love Evan, he'd know. He thinks. He's so lost in thoughts, he doesn't hear his sister's rambling.

“Edmundo!”, she practically yells at him to bring back his attention. It seems to be working so she decides to share her honest opinion. “Eddie, we've been talking for almost an hour now, you had a date with Ana—like yesterday—and you didn't say a word about it. We're only talking about Buck. You're so pissed off because you saw him again with the girl he'd hooked up with in the past. And for me it's pretty telling. You're jealous.”

There's a silence on Eddie's side of the screen. In fact, he's utterly speechless. Adriana's words are ringing in his ears like a fucking bell. Jealous. Is is really jealousy what's been eating him since his friend had reconnected with Taylor?

“Look”, his sister bites her lip as if she's not sure if she should go on. Eventually, she does. “I'm not laughing or mocking you. I love you and I want everything what's best for you. I know you've had a rough couple of years dealing with all that shit with our parents, Shannon dying, tsunami and pandemic and yet, I've never seen you happier. You literally light up when you talk about Chris and Buck. You mention him all the time. You've never trusted Shannon the way you trust Buck with Chris and she was his mother. You two practically live together—last time we talked he was tucking Chris in after he spend the whole afternoon cooking dinner and watching movies with you two. It's something I do with my husband, not with my friends even if I love them. I've only seen glimpses of your life and I'm pretty sure you two love each other.”

Eddie listens. He pays attention to every word that coming out from Addie's mouth. It's hard to admit it but she's right. Buck has stopped being only a guest in his house a long time ago. Lately he's here almost all the time—either babysitting Chris while Eddie's on a date with Ana or just hanging out with the two of them because he doesn't feel comfortable in his own apartment. The thing is, Eddie likes having him around. He enjoys lazy mornings that smell like Buck's famous pancakes and coffee made by Hildy (Buck still teases him about it); he's also very fond of all evenings filled with laughter when they accidentally fall asleep on the couch and wake up in the middle of the night tangled up together. Being this close has never been awkward to them. At this point—Eddie realises—it's more awkward when there's an actual space between them. And, of course, he notices how attractive his friend is. He must've been blind not to see it. It's not like he's the only one who knows that Buck's eyes look like the cloudless sky in the middle of the summer when he's happy and get so dark they look like an stormy ocean, right?

He freezes again for a moment.

“Addie, I'm a little too old to have a sexuality crisis, don't you think?”, he asks but Adriana only laughs. He's not even offended by it because it's kinda hilarious. He would've laughed if somebody told him that he's gonna question his sexuality because of something his sister had said. “What if... What about our family? Parents?”

“You mean if you two get together?” Eddie nods. “I don't think you need to worry about it”, Adriana smiles brightly. “Our mom's wondering—and I quote—when will Edmundo bring back to El Paso that charming friend of his?”

“And so are we!”, Sophia chimes in, appearing suddenly behind Adriana.

“Dios Mío, have you been here the whole time?” Eddie groans when he sees both of his sisters grinning. He's royally fucked now. He knows them well and he's sure they won't forget about anything he has said tonight and will tease him mercilessly. There's a reason why Buck instantly hit it off when he met Diaz sisters. Sophia only nods and winks at him before she disappears again.

“Aunt Pepa loves him and don't even get me started with Abuela. Buck's her favourite grandchild, she gave him half of her secret recipes and he's not even officially Diaz yet!”, Adriana exclaims, pretending to be offended. Then, she adds. “And you certainly don't have to worry about Christopher. The kid loves Buck more than anyone. I'm not even sure if you're still his favourite adult.”

Eddie glares at her but there's a smile on his lips. He's not even slightly surprised that his son adores Buck so much. Honestly, Evan Buckley is his favourite adult too.

—☾—

Adriana's words are still stuck in his head days later when he's at home after another long, exhausting shift. Christopher is already here, doing his homework and Buck—Buck is here too. They're in the kitchen, preparing dinner together. Or it's rather Buck cooking and Eddie trying to steal food.

“Hey, quit snacking and cut the vegetables”, Buck orders and Eddie can't help but smile.

“I love you”, he blurts out. He didn't even think about it, it just escaped from his mouth.

It's Buck's turn to freeze.

Eddie looks at him and realises what he said. He's not panicking; he just feels happy, perfectly comfortable. At peace.

“I love you”, he says it again and suddenly he's in Buck's space. He just leans in and kisses him. Buck's definitely surprised but he only needs a moment to catch up what's going on. He responds very eagerly and kisses him back.

Eddie thinks it's a wonderful feeling. Now he knows that sometimes love doesn't hit like a wave, rapidly and intensively. Sometimes it just sneaks up quietly and patiently, like a river, taking piece by piece. He doesn't mind it.

“You're still cutting vegetables”, Buck says when they break apart. His eyes are full of joy and he's grinning—and Eddie wants to see him like this everyday. “And for the record, I love you too, Diaz.”

Eddie sends Adriana you were right hours later when he's already in bed, Buck curled up next to him. She responds almost immediately I know and he just smiles again.

—☾—

Link to ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30453828

(Title stolen shamelessly from band called The Maine, I highly recommend listen to that song, it fits Buddie so much ✨

[winterscaptain]

emergency.

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

a/n: credit for this awesome idea goes to snow (@agenthotchner original post linked here)! 

warnings: there’s some description of a decent-sized cut across the palm of the hand and the treatment of said cut in an emergency room, as well as some swearing rating/word count: t / 2096

AO3 | Masterlist | Requests Open!

+++

“Really, I’m alright,” you assured your (very well-meaning) neighbor. She was dead-set on getting you checked in at the emergency room, even though you insisted you could stitch yourself up at home. You brought your medical packet with you – including all the intake forms, copies of your credentials, and your emergency contact information. Your go bag was at your side, packed and ready with three days’ worth of clothes.

Your neighbor stayed with you until she was sure you wouldn’t bolt, leaving you as soon as someone called you to the back.

Another Tuesday night, another kitchen accident. You’d sliced your hand open while cutting an avocado for a late-night snack. Fortunately, it was your non-dominant hand. Unfortunately, your neighbor caught you as you scuttled to your car for your first aid kit.

So here you were, sitting on the edge of a bed in one of the private emergency rooms while a nurse flushed the wound and prepared it for stitches.

+++

“Hotchner.” Aaron sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Am I speaking to Aaron Hotchner?”

“Yes. May I ask who’s calling?”

As he listened to the emergency room admin tell him about your incident, he threw on a pair of jeans and a black v-neck from the drawer. He called Jessica as soon as the nurse finished relaying the address to the ER closest to your home. Jess was in the neighborhood, coming from a girl’s night with friends, thank God.

With a kiss to his sister-in-law’s cheek and an earnest “Thank you,” he was in the car and on the way.

+++

There was some kind of commotion right outside your door, but you were busy watching the nurse as she applied local anesthetic to your hand and wrist. The bleeding had slowed enough for the nurse to maintain it with a few swipes every minute or so, and you could see the extent of the damage.

You’re a fucking moron, you know that?

You rolled your eyes at yourself and was only a little startled when the door flew open.

“Hotch?”

He checked in with the nurse, who smiled and nodded at him over your hand. Suddenly, he was sitting right next to you, looking over your intake paperwork. “They called me. I got here as fast as I could.”

Shit. “God, I’m so sorry. I forget you’re the first on my emergency contact list.” You bit your lip. “I really should make it Emily or Penelope or someone who doesn’t have kids.” You said it more to yourself than him.

To your surprise, he laughed. “No, it’s okay. Jess was in town, and Jack is still sleeping. I’m glad I can be here for you.”

+++

When they pulled out the suturing material, you paled and blindly reached for Hotch’s hand. Instead of just taking it, he tucked your head into his chest, holding you there with one hand while he rubbed soothing circles on the back of your free hand with his thumb.

You probably looked silly, tucked into your friend’s chest while your arm was fully extended to your side, under a blindingly bright light. You couldn’t feel the stitches, but it still squicked you out.

Hotch’s voice rumbled through you as he spoke close to your ear. “You’re okay. Breathe with me.”

“Hotch...” It came out as a bit of a panicked whine as you heard the doctor shuffle some tools around.

“Aaron.” He squeezed your hand. “Aaron’s just fine. It’ll be over soon. Just a little while longer.”

You took a few shaky breaths in time with his, but your hand was still a vice grip around his. He smelled really good. You knew that already, having sat next to him on the plane more than once, but it was different without the professional boundaries.

And without the suit.

“You’re doing great. Squeeze as hard as you can and keep breathing with me.” His voice was gentle and constant. It was sufficiently distracting.

Oh, right. He’s coached someone through literal childbirth before.

God, you’re such a baby.

“I’m sorry I’m such a baby.”

He laughed, taking care not to jostle you. “We’re all babies over something.”

“You’re not a baby over anything.” It came out as a grouchy gripe, your humor not strong enough to get past the tightness of your jaw.

After a moment, he shrugged around you. “Spiders. I hate them.”

You lifted your head, keeping your arm steady. The hand holding you to him dropped to your waist, where his protective grip kept you centered. “Really?”

Brown eyes smiled down at you. “Really. Jack takes after his mother and thinks it’s hilarious. ”

A shaky smile crossed your face, and you heard the telltale rasp of ripping gauze.

“All done,” the nurse said. “You’re good to go. Change the dressings daily and take care not to rip the stitches. They will dissolve on their own in about a week.”

+++

“Hotch, I can really manage on my own.”

“You have your go bag, and I know for a fact you’ll rip the stitches in your haste to grab something on your way out the door tomorrow morning.”

You couldn’t argue with him there. He pulled into his driveway and helped you out of the car.

When you were safely inside with Jessica headed home, you took your pain meds while Aaron locked his gun away.

“Oh shit,” you said, checking your bag. “I don’t have my gun. It’s in my safe at home.”

“You can use my second. I know you prefer the Glock 26, but my 17 is about the same weight in the trigger.” He handed you a mug of tea and plopped down on the couch. “I can have Anderson grab yours during the day tomorrow if we get called out on a case.”

“Thanks.” The gesture didn’t go unnoticed – offering his second gun was like offering his right arm. You settled down beside him, tucking your feet under you. “I can make up the couch, so you can head to bed. I’ve kept you up long enough.”

“You know where the linens are?” He asked, one eyebrow aloft.

“I have built many a fort with Jack, and I pay enough attention to get around.” At his dubious glance, you continued. “Second hall closet, third shelf. Blankets, sheets, and an extra pillow.” You smiled at him over your mug.

“You know...” he swallowed and seemed to struggle with his words. “You don’t have to make up the couch if you’d be more comfortable in my room.”

“Trying to get me in bed, Hotchner?”

He floundered for a moment, and you laughed softly.

“I’m kidding.” You set your mug on the coffee table and brushed his hair back with your good hand. “If you don’t mind, I’ll take you up on it.”

“I definitely don’t mind.” He leaned into your touch like a cat.

He’s adorable.

“Thank you for staying with me tonight.” Your hand fell to his jaw, where your thumb brushed back and forth on his cheekbone.

Careful, don’t want to cut your other hand on that.

His eyes closed as you took more of his weight into your hand. “Of course.” He turned his head and kissed your palm.

Your heart jumped into your throat. He gently picked up your injured hand in his and pressed a kiss to your gauze covered knuckles. That particular act didn’t do anything to lower your heart rate. He released your hands, soft and gentle, and led the way down the hallway toward his room.

Jack’s door was open, and you saw his little sleeping form by the glow of his nightlight, curled in a ball. You wondered if the Hotchner boys slept the same way.

You’ll find out soon enough, won’t you?

Jesus.

“You can borrow one of my shirts,” Hotch said, closing the door quietly behind you, “since yours is...” He gestured to your t-shirt, and you note the blood down the front of it.

“Damn. I liked this one.”

Hotch smiled with one side of his mouth. “I’ll soak it overnight. We’ll probably be able to save it.” He turned and shuffled through his drawer, pulling out what looked to be a worn-in FBI Academy shirt and some flannel pajama pants. “These should cinch enough for you.”

You took them from him with your good hand. “Thanks, Aaron.”

His hands lingered over yours under the soft fabric. “Bathroom’s through that door – take your time. There are extra toothbrushes in the cabinet to the left of the sink. Make yourself at home.”

You settled into the en suite bathroom as he padded down the hall. You changed quickly, brushed your teeth (twice), and draped your bloodied shirt and pants on the edge of the sink.

Hotch was pulling back the covers and checking his email when you walked back out. He looked up and smiled at you.

When he brushed past you to soak your clothes in the sink, your heart caught in your throat again.

You slipped into bed, your back to the bathroom door. You closed your eyes and tried in vain to fall asleep before he returned.

You failed.

The lights in the room went out, leaving the blue cast of moonlight in front of your eyelids. You felt the bed dip as Hotch tucked in beside you.

“You’re terrible at pretending to sleep,” he whispered.

You could tell he was close to you, but when you opened your eyes you saw how close. His face was peaceful in the dark, his mouth and brow relaxed (for once).

“I wasn’t pretending.”

“Mhmm. Sure.”

You rolled your eyes and shut them again, insistent this time. “I’m ignoring you, Hotch.”

“Oh, so it’s Hotch now?”

“It is when it's nearly two in the morning and we have to leave for work in six hours,” you grumbled.

He chuckled, and his minty breath fanned over your face. You could feel him sober, and you opened your eyes. His face was pensive, and you were caught off guard by how open and expressive he was at home. You could read everything on his face as if it was printed out and handed to you.

“I don’t-“ he stopped, and his mouth pressed into a thin line for a moment. “I know we’re both adults who can share a bed without anything going on.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, doing your best to hide your amusement.

“What I mean is, I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or –“

You pressed a finger to his lips. “Aaron, shh.” You let your smile shine through for a moment. “I’m here because I want to be, and I’m next to you because I want to be, okay?”

He nodded, still watching you carefully. You removed your finger from his mouth, ignoring the thrill it sent through you.

Adults. Adults who can share a bed without anything going on.

You rolled over and got comfortable, smooshing the pillow underneath your head. With your good hand, you reached behind you and searched until you found Aaron’s shirt.

“C’mere.”

He huffed a laugh and curled up behind you, snug from shoulders to calves. His arm hovered over your waist for a moment. You squished it to you, lacing your fingers with his over your belly.

“Thank you for taking care of me.”

He hummed and tucked his face into your shoulder. “Anytime.”

“If you want...” you trailed off, your bravery evaporating when you actually processed what was about to come out of your mouth.

“If I want...” he echoed. You could hear the smile.

“You could – You could kiss me if you wanted to.”

Well, there it was.

You felt lips press to the soft fabric over your shoulder, trailing up to the sensitive skin near the collar.

“I thought you’d never ask,” he said, and you suddenly felt fully and pleasantly warm.

When you turned your head, he was waiting for you. Yes, the angle was awkward and it was dark, but maybe laughing into each other’s mouths wasn’t as embarrassing as it seemed.

He kissed you once, twice, three times. There was a sweetness, a chasteness about it. You’d both waited a long time, and it wasn’t like you didn’t want to jump his bones, but now was decidedly not the time.

You turned back around and pressed back against him as to not miss out on a single millimeter of contact.

Your sleep took you quickly, and you nearly forgot about the nine stitches in your palm.

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrryspencer @agenthotchner @happyhotchner @hurricanejjareau @fics-ilike @octothorpetopus @ange-must-die @ughitsbaby @rousethemouse @criminalsmarts

[docholligay]

You know what this whole little gambit reminds me of? When I was finishing up college, and a lot of other people were as well, a bunch of people I knew were getting their master’s degrees, despite not...really knowing what they were going to do with it. A bunch of them were like, “I’m just going to become a professor!” I had seen the writing on the wall re: academia and did not have the money to throw good money after bad, so I just took my History/Lit degree and took my chances. 

Hilariously, I know mostly use it to talk about anime and write a better class of fanfic, which I enjoy and isn’t all bad but it was a price to pay for that, for certain. 

Anyway, what struck me then, as now, is that a lot of those people, I don’t think, really had any desire to teach, in their bones. Weirdly, I liked teaching more than most of them! That’s most of the reason I still do book club now, is that I love talking about symbolism and text and all that shit with people who might not get everything on the first read. Seeing realization come to someone, hearing a take that I haven’t thought of, i LOVE that shit. But for a lot of them, it was just a way of delaying the adult release from school. A way of enforcing a continued pause.  

That’s all she’s doing here is thinking that two years of not being around men is somehow going to make things better. That in that two years she’s going to somehow figure out where she wants her life to go and how to make it go there. She has no plan! There’s very few, nearly no, ways to go through life without interacting with men. And what you’re planning? That is not going to do it, and I think she knows that on some level, at least. 

Please don’t hint, correct, confirm, deny, or anything that would lead me down a certain path. No “Just you wait until,” no, “Well the creator/manga said.” Not even if it’s cultural! Just let me be wrong! This includes trigger warnings! I’ll be fine.

[flyingcookierambles]

sadness over a3! eng i guess

oof just on my 700th day.....

kinda sad because of the announcement about A3! ENG server shutting down soon due to financial difficulties at LIBER/CYBIRD in the past two years (covid-19 related, etc.). according to a rather in depth reddit comment that had links to LIBER's publicly available financial reports + some financial reports from LIBER's parent company, Aeria, in english, covid-19 really hit LIBER hard since they had to cancel many money making events, from pop-up shops for the typical anime merch trinkets (keychains, plushes, pins, etc.) to the huge in-person events (voice actor meetups, the stage plays of MANKAI LIVE, etc.). due to shrinking player base on the ENG server + major loss of profits on both JPN and ENG servers, LIBER had to choose one or the other and they chose the JPN one, which i totally understand since it's way bigger there and the JPN fanbase will continue to give the franchise money more often. also, another person found a financial report/estimate from the google play store or something, and A3! ENG only made ~$20K to ~$10K in the past few months, which i guess is not enough to keep a server and localization company afloat. 

i got pretty attached to the characters and it was a great game to help get by during college. and honestly, while i am very sad about this, again, i understand why LIBER did this, looking at their financial report from 2020. I would LIBER save the entire franchise rather than shut all the servers down, making us all unable to see our favorite actors ever again, even if it means that we ENG fans will have to go thru the extra steps of finding/reading fan translations, wikis, etc., to read any further stories from where A3! ENG left off. still, A3! ENG's localization was something special. i'm saying this as a TKRB JPN player who read the wiki for all the character voice lines and then had to see the official TKRB ENG localization make Yamabushi Kunihiro a rapper for some reason? lol. it was....weird.... meanwhile, all the memes and slang in A3! ENG didn't seem out of place and all fit their personalities because 3/4 of the troupes were all high school to college age and 3 of them were ~Gamers~. Out of all the gachas i've played, i feel like the only other F2P gacha game that had this incredibly smooth, all cultural jokes/puns translated in a way that still makes sense/fits the character/doesn't require a galaxy brain and some TL note to understand, is probably dragalia lost and that's only because it has frickin Nintendo localizing/publishing it globally for CyGames. Nintendo. i'll eventually read the fan translations of A3!'s Act 3 on the wiki, but it won't be the same without Kazunari's super high-energy influencer slang of "'whoa fam! that's totes 'blammable, gotta take a pic!" or Itaru's gremlin Gamer speak of "lol get rekt noobs" or Tsuzuru's tired dying breath of "that ain't it chief." the appropriate slang and relatable meme speak of the localization really helped humanize these characters as people of their respective ages, rather than just a typical formal speak or some directly translated JPN slang -> ENG that turns out super awkward that can be found in bad localizations.

going back to the reddit comment too, the death of A3! ENG servers could have bad repercussions in the future for other joseimuke games. josei, if you for some reason have been in the anime fandom but still don't know this term, is basically the genre of stories/video games/media/etc aimed at women. it's the mature adult counterpart to seinen, media aimed at adult men. basically shoujo/shonen = elementary/middle school/high school aimed while josei/seinen = high school/college/adult aimed if that helps. Joseimuke is a part of josei that is not specifically romance. while some josei/joseimuke can overlap with otome, aka female aimed dating sims/romance media, they have many things about them that make these all separate genres. one of the official A3! ENG translators and a known fan translator of another joseimuke gacha, Mahou Yaku/Wizard’s Promise, minami, goes more in depth with this in a twitter thread. 

A3! was an actor raising game, and a big part of it was found family and relationships that were platonic. yet it got advertised as an otome, which has more connotations with dating sims and brings to mind other shoujo/otome games and anime where the cast is all high schoolers and the setting is most often in a high school. but, other than some characters making flirty jokes or implied to have crushes on Izumi/player character, many character relationships with Izumi are platonic and not romantic at all. Spring Troupe in the game also jokingly calls themself a family. the entire Mankai Company is basically found family. plus, since the game actually has time passing in story and the characters age with each year, half of the characters aren’t even in high school anymore. a large majority of them are in college or are graduated by now, with only a few still in high school. i’m not surprised if a reason that some people left the game was due to feeling bored with the slice of life/not romantic story, feeling that they were lied to about it being an otome, which was falsely advertised since it is a game meant for the older teens/adults demographic of josei/joseimuke.

i’m worried that other japanese companies will look at this shut down as a “josei/joseimuke doesn’t work well in the west” and never localize other josei/joseimuke gacha games like Mahou Yaku, EnStars, Twisted Wonderland, Helios, etc.

while i like otome and shoujo, i, as a 23/soon to be 24 year old college graduate and now tax paying adult, want more stories that have more mature themes and characters that are more my age so i don’t have to feel awkward when i’m playing some dating sim and i, a literal 23 year old adult, and trying to woo a 16 year old. it’s...a little awkward to say the least. i would gladly welcome more mature media that is categorized as josei/joseimuke.

sorry if this is all over the place, but overall im just sad that A3! ENG is shutting down. i don’t know if i’ll join the JPN server yet. i’m def going to read the Act 3 story via fan translators on the wiki, but A3! gameplay was...boring lmao. as much as i love A3!, im sure that the constant event grind/burnout and boring rng gameplay turned people off too and i dont blame them. i felt the burnout bad since i participated in basically every event since day 1. it. is. rough. i’m not joining the hellish thunderdome that is the JPN server and im not ranking anymore as a F2P player lmao. literally had to play almost every waking free moment to get into the 30%-20% bracket as a F2P person and i never got to top 20%-10%, much less top 1% lmao. i’m don’t whale enough lol. 

i feel like i should probably just. crack open my genki 2 textbook and uhhh totally legal pdf copy of tobira. so i can just. get the JPN version of games in the first place so i don’t have to worry about getting shafted since overseas fans are often considered expendable. 

i wish that, when any games that are online end, gacha or mmo or anything, anything online, companies will let fans archive things. or like. release a book that is just the story text or something. like. CYBIRD is letting us still technically play the game and have the story and all, but what if they eventually later shut everything down? why not just release a pdf/ebook that’s just the text of the eng localization for some money? i’d buy it. for nostalgia and rereads and all and also archiving purposes. i think i’ll try to help with any english localization archive projects if i can so that the hilarious and incredible localization that was a work of love from the translation team doesn’t just disappear forever.

well.

that’s it for now. as i said, guess i’ll head to the app for one of the last times to read the last unread stories and mini stories i have left, then the wiki for Act 3, and then i guess i’ll crack open genki 2 and bunpo.....

some fun random links for you to think about!

random ffxi article that came to mind (if ffxiv ever shuts down in the next 20 years or whatever i’d be cool to get a statue of my character at the end)

and death of a game playlist by NerdSlayer Studios on Youtube that has me thinking a lot about game preservation and losing MMOs and games

the lost media wiki  and blameitonjorge’s lost media iceberg

other gacha games i’ve played that have shut down that i think about sometimes because the loss of A3! ENG isn’t my first rodeo:

terra battle & terra battle 2 (1)

AFTERL!FE

(related kitsu post link for archive reasons)

[unmaskedagain]

Marinette’s Week Off

This is a one-shot. Sorry, I kind of forgot Adrien.

           One week. Just one week. Marinette took one week off a year. One week where she didn’t work herself to death as Marinette. Or nearly get herself killed as Ladybug. One week where she didn’t do any favors, any designs, didn’t work in the bakery, didn’t save anyone. A week to relax. A week to meditate. A week to destress and just take care of herself. Just one week every year. To prepare for it she sent reminders to all her friends and family. She posted a flyer on the class bulletin board. Marinette finished all her commission and school work in advance. 

She made Fu aware that Ladybug wouldn’t be active, told Chat Noir that Queen Bee would be his partner while she was gone. Marinette always made sure everyone was prepared for her absence. And made it clear that she would be unavailable. No matter what. She didn’t care if the world was ending.

           However, this year was different than the ones that came before. For starters, Marinette now only had two or three good friends in class, and one or two mediocre ones. She only warned those three people. While she still posted her usual flyer, she had done it knowing it would be disregarded.

           Marinette was no longer class president either; she no longer had to plan class trips, parties, or dances. Or anything of the sort. When she was class president, Marinette always made sure to plan her week off around the class’s busiest time of the year. That year, she didn’t have to so she didn’t. In fact, she planned her week off during the biggest dance of year, the class musical, the class’s big fundraiser. It was usually her most stressful week of the year.

           Not this time.

           On the Friday before her week off, Marinette reminded Bustier of her absence for the next week, and then walked out of class with a relieved smile on her face. She was almost there. Just two more days. She used her weekend to finish up any last minutes details of her vacations; confirm her reservation; spend most of the time with her parents.

           And on the stroke of midnight that turned Sunday to Monday, Marinette got her bags, kissed her parents goodbye and was gone in her Uber. She knew how this week worked. By six am, the ‘emergency’ calls would start; everyone screaming fire. However, she wouldn’t be there to put them out, metaphorical fires or real ones.

Not today, Satan, Marinette thought.

           Marinette got to the airport, slept on the plane ride, arrived at her luxury beach resort, a little after sunrise. She had saved up her money and did extra commissions all year to pay for it. It was beautiful. However, there was just one problem…

“Marinette, love!” Jagged called, somehow looking more awake in the wee hours of the morning than he did at 3 in the afternoon. Penny, however, looked half-asleep. Even Fangs slept on the luggage being moved by a rather fearful looking bellhop.

           Marinette’s parents couldn’t get time off the bakery; it was their busiest time too. Her grandma was in Peru. Mariette needed an adult with her at the resort. Jagged happened to overhear her mother asking if she found a chaperone yet. It wasn’t like Marinette had any other options.

“I have so many Rockin’ plans!” Jagged said. “Scuba diving! Sky diving. Swimming with sharks. Parasailing! Bungee jumping!”

           Marinette narrowed her eyes at her favorite rockstar and honorary Uncle, “Sleep.” She said.

           Jagged waved her off, “We’ll sleep when we’re dead.”

“Sleep,” Marinette hissed darkly.

           As amazing as that all sounded it could wait. Marinette was there to relax, not fight a shark. “Not today, Satan,” She whispered when she checked into her room. Leaving Penny to drag away a protesting Jagger to get some sleep as well. She called her parents to let her she had gotten there safely, called to re-confirm her spa reservation for that afternoon and then check her texts.

           She had gotten quite a few as expected. Chloe wishing her a good vacation and promising to keep an eye on Chat. Luka sent her funny vacation memes. Nathaniel sent pics or didn’t happen texts; he found the possibility of Marinette all people actually taking a vacation hilarious and improbable. She’d show him though.

           Then there were a few texts from her ex-friends. And it seemed like the fires had started…

           When class started on Monday, most didn’t realize that Marinette wasn’t there until Bustier reminded Chloe to remind Chloe about the test next week. They all shrugged it off. Glad not to have to deal with the drama Marinette brought to class.

           When Alya, the new class president, brought up the dance that Friday, things got a little tense.

“We need volunteers,” The glasses-wearing girl said. “People to decorate and to clean up and all that. We also need to get decorations.”

           She received confused looks.

“Isn’t that your job?” Alix asked. “The class president does all that.”

           Alya crossed her arms, “No it’s not my job. I organize and plan but I can’t do everything by myself.”

“Marinette did,” Kim shrugged. “It can’t be that hard.”

“Do you wanna do it?” Alya asked him but he quickly shook his head. “Thought so. We don’t have a big budget. So can anyone chip in for decorations and food?”

           Mylene frowned, “Marinette made all the decorations and food.” They never had to chip in before. “Maybe she’d do it again.”

There were nods. They may not be friends with the girl anymore but she was still very helpful.

“OH! I need a dress,” Rose brightened up the room with her smile. “Marinette made mine last year. It was so beautiful. I’ll ask her to make another.”

           A few of the girls said the same.

“Not gonna happen,” Chloe smirked. “You guys are on your own.”

           Alya shot her a glare. “And we’ll be just fine.” She wasn’t happy about asking her ex-bestie for anything, anyway.

           They were not fine.

           Monday they had all talked a big game about not needing Marinette but by Tuesday, they realized that was a lie.

           Because everything was falling apart.

           Mylene’s musical was Friday, the day before the dance. More than half the class were either in it or helping with it. That meant Alya had barely any volunteers for the Dance committee. And had been reminded by Bustier about the annual fundraiser they did every year to pay for the class trip. Alya had been class president since the beginning of the year, and had been responsible for planning it. She had forgot all about it.

           Alya was confident she managed though. They’d pull in enough money to pay for the entire trip and she’d get to rub it in Marinette’s face that no one needed. Alya hoped Lila was back in time from her trip with Prince Ali to see it.

           In addition, neither she nor Bustier seem to remember that the fundraiser was always biggest because it was the last one of the year. Marinette usually had done several different ones by then.

           Mylene was struggling. None of the sets were done. The costumes were terrible. The entire play seemed to be falling apart. They had forgot to only put up flyers promoting the play but they never even made them. She didn’t understand, normally everything would be going as smooth as silk by then. Silk…

“Marinette,” She gasped. Yes, she remembered, Marinette always helped out with the school plays. The Bluenette would fix the costumes. She’d even help out with the flyers and the set. Mylene pulled out her phone and quickly called her ex-friend. It went to voice mail. She frantically sent a dozen texts, all screaming emergency. But she never got a reply.

           Marinette laid on the beach, drinking virgin Pina Colada, while talking with a boy she met while surfing and subtly eyeing him. He was a seventeen-year-old, tanned, dark haired Adonis, literally named Adonis. He was ripped in a way Marinette had only every previously seen on guys in magazines or on TV. Marinette was fifteen, (Sixteen in just a few months) had grown remarkably into her looks, and smirked a bit every time she caught Adonis eyeing her back.

“I got to go,” Adonis said. “Work.” He leaned a bit closer to Marinette. “If you wanna drop by, I wouldn’t mind. Maybe we can go for a swim together.”

Marinette flushed with excitement and blushed a lovely pink by the offer, “That sounds amazing! What do you do?”

           He grinned a sparkling white smile that lit up his gray eyes, and caused Marinette to let out a dreamy sigh. “I work with my dad. We do underwater scuba tours and explore sea wildlife and dormant underwater volcanos. We just got be careful to avoid sharks.”

           Marinette’s fell open, and she just stared at the older boy for a moment, “I’m a little busy today. But can we meet up later,” She squeaked.

           They said they goodbyes. And once Adonis was out sight, Marinette’s eyes narrowed, “Not today, Satan.”

           An image of the first time saw Adonis suddenly floated to the front of her mind. Adonis coming out of the water, with his surfer board and red swim trucks, running towards dry land.

           Marinette took a deep breath to stead herself; fight the urge to go running after Adonis. Because there was no way in hell she was going to deal with a “Dormant” volcano. And she didn’t mess with sharks. Neither did Jagged anymore and he had to learn his lessons the hard way. He was lucky to come back with all his limbs.

           By Wednesday, everyone was panicking. Alya refused to give in and attempted to rally her troops; with a divide and conquer plan. Lila had even come back early and graciously offered to take time away from her busy schedule to help. Alya decided they’d work on the play first. Then prepare for the dance, it shouldn’t take that long to decorate anyway, Alya had guess. Then finally they work on the fundraiser.  Everything would go perfectly.

           …Everything went wrong.

           They worked the entire morning on the Mylene’s musical. They tried to work on the costumes. But they had no one who could fix the costumes. Any tailor they went to cost an arm and a leg. Lila’s personal tailor was away helping the Duchess of Manchester with her wedding dress. Max could print flyer but only generic ones. Not the creative ones Marinette had always made. And it wasn’t like they could ask Nathaniel for help without him spitting acid at them. The sets had to be rushed; and ended up poorly painted. Not even close to as good as the ones Marinette had help do the year before and even worse than the ones other classes had done. To make matters worse, the light fixtures they had installed started a small fire.

           Mylene had a full blown panic attacked that caused one of the strongest Akuma Queen Bee and Chat Noir had ever faced.

           The musical had taken up most of the day. So Alya and the class spent the rest of it and most of the night trying to prepare for the dance. The problem was their budget was small. Apparently it had always been that small which had shocked Alya and the others as they remembered the amazing dances Marinette had always thrown. The only decorations came from the local party story and were as cheap as possible. But they hadn’t gotten nearly enough when they got to gym and fully realize the size of it. But most of their budget was already shot on what they did get.

           While for the last few years, Marinette’s had supplied most of the food for the dances from the bakery. It was clear to Alya that, it wouldn’t be happening. Most of the class had been banned from the shop. Alya ended up having to buy dollar store chips and drinks; and ended up with a cliché fruit punch bowl.

           Everyone got in trouble with their parents for being out so late. Even if they had been at school. All the kids were exhausted and overly stressed. When Alya got home that night, she got a text from Nino that caused her to burst into tears. His DJ gear had fried. They had no music for the dance.

           Not to mention Alya hadn’t even thought about the fundraiser. What was she going to do? What could she do?

           Alya cried herself to sleep. Knowing that in the morning she’d have to swallow her pride and call in the big guns. She needed Marinette. They all did.

           Marinette was having the time of her life. She laughed as let Heinrich and Mila twirl her around the dance floor. She was at a local teen club, out late, and truly partying for the first time in her life. He was a sixteen-year-old, six foot tall, blond, gorgeous fut-baller, with cheekbones that could cut glass. He had come to the city with his team for a charity match all the way from Germany. Mila was a beautiful redhead from Ireland, with startling blue eyes and a face dusted with freckles. She was a futballer too and was the most competitive person Marinette had ever met.

           Marinette had met the futball players, the girls’ team and the boys’ team at the beach. When the girls realized they only had five plays to the boys’ six and needed another girl. They saw Marinette alone and invited her to play. They all had a blast. Afterwards, they invited her to the club that night.

           Marinette had danced with everyone. However, somehow she had found herself smashed between Heinrich and Mila, more often than anyone else.

           The three laughed their way off the dance floor when Tonya, a local girl with green hair, and a futballer herself, had waved them over.

“We’re going to Fairy Ridge,” Tonya shouted over the music.

           Marinette’s interest was piqued. “Fairy Ridge?”

           Tonya answered happily, “It’s beautiful at night. An underground cave, near the ocean. It has this opening at the top and you can see all stars. It has a bunch of colorful crystals that glow in the moonlight, and fill up the cave.”

“Sweet,” Mila said, her arm still around Marinette. “Sounds like a party, mate.”

           Everyone agreed quickly. But Marinette wasn’t too sure. It was really late to the point where Jagged would be proud when she got back. Penny had made Marinette promise to avoid doing anything that would make Jagged proud; apart from the Bluenette’s usual awesomeness of course.

“You are coming, yes, Marinette?” Heinrich gave her his most charming smile that made Marinette go weak in the knees.

“Marinette, the ridge is so cool,” Tonya exclaimed, a bright smile on her face. “It’s supposed to be magic. They say fairies used to really live there. It’s cursed. They say all who enter are given a test of worth. Those who pass are stolen away to live under fae rule forever more as a fairy.”

           Marinette just looked at her. She thought of Tikki, the small magical god of creation, who was enjoying her vacation in the luxury sweet as well. When Marinette left her, she had been in a bowl of cookies finally getting caught up on Game of Thrones. A god who’s power turned Marinette into a magical superhero. Magical was real. And if A kwami was real, fairies could be too.

           The bluenette pursed her lips, and feigned a look of disappoint, “Sorry, guys. It’s so late. I’m already super passed my curfew. You guys go. We’ll hang tomorrow, okay?”

           The other teens expressed their disappointment, though Mila and Heinrich tried to convince her a bit more as they left the club. Jagger’s personal driver already waited for her.

           Once they had parted ways, Marinette got into the car and drove off. She waved brightly to the backs of the beautiful teens, “Not today, Satan.”

           Thursday, the entire class was freaking out. They had all gotten there early, desperate to try to fix the mess they were in. Even Alya could admit she needed some serious help. They all waited for Marinette to show up. Surely, it had to be back by now, right? They needed her!

           When the school bell rang starting class, and once again, Marinette didn’t appear. Alya nearly screamed. “Where is she?” She asked. “Marinette can’t miss this much school!”

“She’s not replying to my texts,” Mylene said, her eyes frantic with worry. Her boyfriend Ivan tried to calm her down.

“She never got back to me either,” Rose frowned. “Normally I’d get a bunch of questions asking about the style of wanted for my dress by now.”

           Alya stomped her foot. “Marinette hasn’t answered a single of calls. What part of S.O.S doesn’t she understand? The dance is falling apart. I have no idea what to do about the fundraiser on Sunday. We need her. I swear if that girl lost her phone again…”

“You’ll do what?” Surprising it was Nathanial who asked this. There was silence at his questions. “That’s what I thought. You’ll do nothing. One, because you have no right to text the girl you disowned as a friend and ridiculed for the last year for help. Two, you couldn’t take Marinette in a fight with everyone in this class helping you. And three, you’re the one who turned down her offers to help all year; citing that you didn’t need her. You don’t get to beg for help at the last minute, and be surprised that she can’t do it.” The speech had turned into an angry rant by the end as the once quiet redhead glared at them with poorly concealed disgust.

           Chloe knew bringing Nathanial into their fold had been a smart idea. She sent a vicious smile to the class, “Marinette’s on vacation. She won’t be back until Monday.” Chloe relaxed in her seat. “For her ex-friends; it’s her one week. You should know what that means”

           There were gasps. Alya’s face drained of color. They all knew what that meant. Marinette was gone in the wind, and she wouldn’t come back or answer her phone even if fire rained from the sky as furbys finally revealed the truth of their evilness and declared themselves the new rules of earth.

           They were on their own.

           Lila watched with a frown as her classmates fell apart. She didn’t think this would happened when she got Alya to replace Marinette as class president. Who knew the idiots could survive without the girl?

“No dresses,” Rose realized. All the girls in class looked ready to cry. Marinette always made their dresses, always. What were they going to do? They never saved up any money for a dress because they never had to before.

           Mylene started crying, “The play is ruined.” She sobbed. “I worked so hard on it.”

“What about the fundraiser?” Alix asked. “So much for going to New York or anywhere! Our class trip is ruined!”

           Bustier looked at a loss of what to do as her student began to panic. “Now everyone calm down. Breath.” She said calmly. “It. Will. Be. Fine.”

           Alya paced around the class, her hair wild, her eyes bloodshot from the lack of sleep. “Ok, we can do this! I can do this!” She hissed. “I don’t need Marinette. I’ve never needed Marinette!” She looked around at the class. “None of us do. Anything she can do, we can do better, right?” Some looked unsure but Alya manage to rally everyone. “We can get our own dresses!” She yelled. “We can decorate our own dance. We fix the school play. And we will do the fund raiser. Without her, who need that bully anyway?”

           Nathaniel and Chloe shared a look and rolled their eyes. This would be good.

           The next few days would go down in Bustier’s class history as the worst three days of the students’ lives. And the most embarrassing.

           Barely anyone showed up for Mylene’s musical. None of the costumes were finished. The sets were a disaster. The actors were so frazzled, they couldn’t remember their lines. Three people walked out. One of them was Kim’s grandmother. Kim who had been one of the lead actors.

           On the day of Mylene’s play, Marinette woke up from her second nap of day to Penny banging on her door. When the bluenette opened it, the woman screamed, “Get ready!”

“What?” Marinette yawned, still half-asleep.

“Get. Ready. Now,” Excitement shown in the older woman eyes. She bounced around the room, opened Marinette’s closet and started throwing out clothes. “Hurry!”

“Why?” It was her vacation. Marinette didn’t want to rush. Or move.

“Zac Efron,” Penny squealed. That got Marinette’s attention and it was all Marinette need to shoot to attention and start scrambling to get ready. “Tom Holland, and Zendaya are filming a movie on an island close by. Jagged got us passed to go set.”

           As Marinette got dressed she asked, “What’s the movie about?”

           Penny gave a dreamy sigh, “Pirates and adventures. It’s a musical. Zendaya plays a kickass pirate who takes control of her father’s ship after he dies to rescue her genius half-brother, played by Tom Holland, who managed to figure out the location of the greatest treasure in all of history, from the evil Pirate King, played by Zac Efron.”

“Now that’s a musical I’d watch,” Marinette finished her make up in the mirror.

“And get this!” Penny paused for dramatic effect. “Harry Styles is the love interest. He supposed to be on set sometime this week.”

           Marinette screamed.

           They took a helicopter to the island. It was the best day of her life. She got to meet the goddess that was Zendaya, Her real life prince charming Tom Holland, and the man of her dreams Zac Efron. They were nice. They were sweet. They took so many pictures and videos with her.

           When Jagged mentioned Marinette designed most of his wardrobe. Marinette even got to show off her sketch book she had brought when the cast was too busy and it got boring. Zendaya commissioned a dress. She nearly right there.

           Then the director got a call, “Okay Harry’s arrived. He’s waiting at the cave. Time to shoot the act 5, scene 1.”

           They all moved to leave.

“Cave?” Marinette found herself asking.

           Penny nodded, “Its historically accurate. The real life Captain Wolfblood, the guy who’s treasure everyone wants, supposedly buried his there. Pirates fought and died there all the time trying to find it. Supposed to be cursed. So whoever died was bound there for eternity; their ghosts protect the treasure. Killing all who enter their domain.”

           Marinette found herself stopping in her tracks, “Pirate Ghosts.” She stated. “Cursed treasure.”

“Harry Styles…” Penny sang, causing Jagged to give her a sour look.

           Harry Styles… For the first time that vacation Marinette was tempted to go. Tempted to risk pirates’ curses and murderous ghosts just to see the man who had caused ten-year-old Marinette to write Mrs. Harry Styles in her diary for a month.

“I actually have to facetime my parents,” Marinette frowned. “Reception terrible out here.”

           After promising to meet them for dinner, Marinette booked it off the island. As it faded from sight, and all her wishes of being the future Mrs. Harry Styles burned, she whispered, “You stepped of your game. I’m impressed.” She glared at the window. “But Not today, Satan.”

           The dance was a catastrophe. Everyone in class could admit to that. All the girls wore their dresses from the year before. For the first time, there was no live performance. Just Nino’s play music from his phone. Until it died midsong. They forgot to get helium for the balloons, so they had to blow them up themselves. The chips were stale. The punch tasted like rotten bananas. No one alerted the proper staff regarding the dance so no one warned the janitor not to wax the gym floor the night before. Five kids hurt themselves. Alya forgot to get chaperones. And found Damocles and Mendeleiev shut down the entire dance before it even got passed its first hour.

           The night of the dance would go down as the best night of Marinette’s life. The director from the day before had liked Marinette so much that gave her the role of Lunaris, mermaid princess, originally played by an actress who had backed out of the role at the last second. Like literally right before they were supposed to shoot her scenes. It was a small role; Marinette didn’t have many lines and only two songs to herself (and fillers song lines throughout the movie). Plus she died. (The entire part took five days to film, and Marinette ended up staying on her vacation an additional two days. Her parents instantly approved; wanting their daughter away from the drama of her ex-friends. However, Marinette would be called in for additional reshoots and scenes, a month later. Then more after that as they would expand her role) She spent the entire time in a mermaid costume. Up until the last act of the movie.

           However, her character was in love with Harry Styles’ character, a mermaid prince who became human for chance to win the love of Zendaya’s character. Her character more or less had been the prince’s childhood best friend who never admitted to being in love with him until it was too late. She had spent the entire movie supporting him to win the main character’s heart. Her first song was sang as she helped him escape the underwater kingdom to go to his true love while she hid her own; choosing to put him before herself. The next day it was revealed that they were supposed to have been betrothed and united their kingdoms. Her second song happened after she chose to fight on land to save her friend and taking a killing blow for him; she died singing to the prince about not waiting to tell someone you love until its’ too late; especially if the love’s worth dying for. Or walking on land for.

           After shooting her scenes for the day; she was invited by the cast to go meet Chris Heimsworth who was vacationing at a nearby island resort. They were going to go budging jumping of the highest mountain on the Island, near shark infested waters. Again Marinette only had one thing to say to that, “Not today, Satan.” She was not going to fight a shark. Not that week. No matter how much she loved Thor. (She’d later find out Tom Hiddleston was there and cry.)

           The fundraiser had cost more than it raised. That was all anyone was willing to say on the subject. Particularly Alya who was missing her eyebrows.

           The day of the fundraiser, the Day Marinette was supposed to return home, was bliss. At the end of it, Marinette found herself watching the sunset with Jagged and Penny.

“We should visit mermaid isle,” Penny suggested. “I heard it’s magical. There’s a spot that grants wishes… At a price.”

           Marinette didn’t bother to ask for anymore. She just smiled, “Not today, Satan.”

           The next morning, the Monday Marinette should have already been back home, instead she was getting ready to shoot some more scene for the movie. Then she got a call.

“Hey Marinette!” Kimi, the director, said. “We were hoping you could come in early today. We have to shoot your death scene.”

“Oh! Sweet! Where?”

“Shark cove. It will be perfect,” Kimi said cheerfully. “This time before your last breath, Harry’s going to kiss you goodbye. So eat a mint.”

           Marinette mind froze. Kiss… Harry? “Shark cove?”

“Yeah, we’ll have to be careful not to attract any, you know?” Kimi sighed. “It’ll be a bit dangerous. You okay with that?”

           The bluenette wanted to scream no way. But it was a new week. “I’m there,” She said firmly. For a kiss from Harry Styles, she’d do anything.

           Vacation time was over. Marinette was going to fight a shark.

           When Marinette returned to school on Wednesday, it was to the frustrated faces of her classmates. None of them talked to her. Just glared coldly. Though Alya did give her a sarcastic, welcome back.

           Marinette just shrugged and went to sit at her desk next to Chloe and Nathaniel, who were both grinning.

“How was it?” Marinette asked them.

           Nathaniel smirked, “Epic! Three fires. Two poisonings. A kid broke his leg. Four more ended up in the emergency room.”

“The play was a disaster,” Chloe added. “The dance was shut down after an hour. The fire department came to the so called fund raiser. You were gone for little more than a week and these morons nearly got themselves killed like four times.”

“We got in on video!” Nathaniel laughed.

           Marinette laughed.

           She looked at the stressed and embarrassed students of Bustier’s class, even the teacher looked worse for wear.

           Marinette smirked.

           Somebody obviously needed a vacation. Or rather… Everybody.