#and I still try to research anything somewhat related

[xxtania15]

As someone who lives in Italy

No It Was Not. At All.

And before someone says anything, YES, I have been to all the places he described.

Did I forgive him for it? Mostly, yes. He isn't Italian. I couldn't expect him to think like one. Did he research? I don't know, but it felt like he just searched for what he needed for plot and stopped at the first result. You could REALLY see it was an American trying to write Italy just from the stereotypes.

Did I expect more? Naaah. But I do believe he did the bare minimum.

And I have to be honest. Some things he wrote going off of stereotypes were kinda offensive.

I have to admire how Rick Riordan pulls out all the stops on European stuff in the House of Hades. The Argo II passed through Bologna and Venice in Italy. We get references to Italian snack foods and to statues and monuments in Rome. Then I remember the Argo II ends up going through Split, Croatia. That's where Cupid is, I think. But my point here is: Rick Riordan definitely did more research than he had to. Finding things like Italian snack food, for example… that's not something he had to do. But it's something he did anyways. And it's interesting to notice it when he bring it up.

[kinkandkreep]

Celebratory Blue Lock Boi Yandere Interpretations: Ryusei Shidou, Yoichi Isagi, Meguru Bachira, Reo Mikage, Rin Itoshi

A/N:...Hey hey y'all...🙂 Ok, so I fuckin' lied I am so sorry. 😭 These was sposed to be for my birthday yestaday but the day got so busy and I was tied den a mug, so posting these did not happen. 🙃 But! Alas, I am here now, and I have for you all my introductory yandere interpretations for 5 of the Blue Lock boyos!

Keep in mind, I am still getting caught up on the anime so if anything reads off, I apologize. I'll very likely either come back and adjust these as I become more familiar with their personalities or just post a whole new set for each boy.

Anyway, enjoy!

Ryusei Shidou: 

Let me just say right off the bat that I get the strong notion that Ryusei is gonna swiftly become my favorite character the more exposed I am to him (like I already love his design and that weird sexual edge his character possesses 😏)

That aside, as a Yandere, I envision that he maintains that same intense energy he has about football, it just manifests a little differently

You make his heart “explode,” in a similar fashion to his precious football- either that, or you possess an “explosive” quality within yourself that draws him in

I saw someone say that outside of a few specific circumstances, Ryu is a pretty chill dude, which I think is 100% true

And I believe this can even apply to you, in the Yandere sense as well

Ryusei can be intense, and a little monopolizing 

He's also somewhat possessive 

But for the most part, as long as he knows you're his and you continue to make him “explode,” Ryusei isn't the worst Yan to have

Now, in my research, I have seen some interpretations of him where he’s much more sadistic than I personally envision him to be, which of course is fine, but just know that my Ryusei can’t really be bothered to act sadistically unless you try to fight him

Exactly why you’d try to do that is beyond me, but if you did happen to want to start a physical altercation with Ryu, he may be inclined to be a little rough with you, just to show a bit of what he’s capable of and also keep you in check

Yoichi Isagi:

I just look at Yoichi and a single phrase comes to mind- “he’s a sweetheart unless provoked”

You, provoke him

You make this nagging little voice in the back of his head make the Spongebob “wee-woo” sound at like max volume every time you’re in each other’s vicinity

Yandere Yoichi adores you

He’s like a little pup around you, always wanting attention and affirmation and reassurance that he’s the best, and the he’s going to be the best, and that throughout it all you’ll never leave him

But! He can also be kind of intense and maybe a bit of an asshole

Like just look at him and tell me you don’t get that vibe

I’m new to the game as it relates to Blue Lock but from what I’ve gleaned, Yoichi has a sort of metaphorical switch that turns on and off depending on the circumstance

Things get heavy when he’s on the field, and that’s when his “Ego” comes out

It makes him more cocky and confident, from what I understand, and I’d say the same thing applies where it concerns you

For the most part, Yandere Yoichi is just your average puppy with a thigh fetish

But let the “Ego” come out, and now he’s more domineering, controlling and patronizing

Try not to trigger that part of him though, and Yoichi is actually a pretty ok Yandere to have

Meguru Bachira:

Meg’s a weirdo but one of the lovable variety

He’s a very eccentric character, as I’m sure anyone who’s familiar with Blue Lock will know

He talks about the “monster” that inhabits his psyche and manifests itself when he plays soccer

I don’t particularly subscribe to the idea that this “monster” influences his actions on a normal, day to day basis (though that could be the case and I just missed it in my research) but I can definitely see how one would think it does

I will say that years of simple…cohabitation (?) with the monster has definitely left an indelible mark on Meguru’s mind

Yandere Meguru especially 

To Yandere Meguru Bachira, you are perhaps the most important thing in his life

Being bullied for so long and so relentlessly probably wasn’t the best for his mental and emotional wellbeing, as you can imagine, so Meguru has been in desperate need of someone to come along and show him genuine love and support

He’s found that in you, and that’s part of the reason his Yandere personality/tendencies make an appearance when he’s with you

He’s definitely clingy and wants all your attention all the time, and he’s also not very knowledgeable on what it means to give someone their personal space

He doesn’t give you much autonomy either, really preferring to do things for you when given the chance

He can get a little intense, but he’d never hurt you 

Physically, at least

And if by some off chance he were to hurt you otherwise, it would never be on purpose

All that said, I do kind of think that Bachira would be one of the slightly more uncomfortable Yans to have, simply on account of his neediness 

Reo Mikage: 

FIrst off, let me just say, eat the rich 😤

Chile when I was doin’ my research and saw dis dude’s frankly ridiculous net worth I was appalled 

But if he smart enough to know what to do with the money and assets then I guess it’s whateva 🤷🏾‍♀️

Anyway, that aside, let’s focus back up 😂

I could potentially see Reo being one of the more strict Yan’s to have 

He just has so much to protect, and that includes you

He’s also probably very used to getting the things he wants and having things go his way that he can’t imagine you not reciprocating his feelings, or at the very least seeing the benefit in choosing him over everyone else

And as we’ve seen (me only partially really, I’m still makin’ my way through the show 🙃) he already has some form of an attachment issue as it relates to Nagi, or alternatively, the things he’s invested time and energy in and on

Which, as you can imagine, would include you, should he decide to pursue you

As a Yandere, Reo is admittedly controlling and a bit smothering

But he’s just like that ‘cus he wants to ensure that nothing will separate you two!

It’s innocent really, honest!

And given Reo’s reputation, it would be rather difficult to convince others that he’s, well, kinda crazy if you were so inclined

But other than that, as long as you remain loyal, Reo’s a pretty fair Yandere

Rin Itoshi:

Whoo boy, this one’s a tough nut to crack

I honestly think Rin is more tsun than yan but I could definitely see where the Yandere aspect of him could potentially rear its head

I’m not 100% up on my knowledge of what the hell his deal is with his brother, but from what I’ve gathered, there’s this mostly one-sided rivalry (on Rin’s part) towards Sae (his brother, for the uninformed) because he (Sae) refuses to acknowledge Rin in soccer and he abandoned their shared soccer dream from when they were little

That all being the case, I really like the concept that Rin is a Yandere for you because A.) something about you warms something cold and dead inside him and B.) you recognize him as talented and capable outside of his brother’s influence, and he (Rin) desperately clings to that affirmation 

Rin is undoubtedly possessive, wanting nothing more than to hide you away where only he can access you or, alternatively, make it known to everyone, in whatever way, that you belong to him

Rin is also somewhat domineering and controlling, as he still doesn’t want anything to tarnish his reputation

I think as a Yandere he’s a little more open to PDA (not by much at all, but just a little) 

I also think that, as a Yandere, Rin can be fairly intense without realizing it

Like during games and whatnot, he ups the ante ‘cus he knows you’re watching and he wants to impress you, keep your attention, and have earned your praise when he’s done

That could also apply to him normally sorta, but I think the behavior is more prominent in Yandere mode

All-in-all, Yandere Rin isn’t the most terrible, he’s mostly just…needy, in his own special way

[the-laughing-lunatic]

Hiya! I was wondering if you could how would the tf2 crew act with a reader who has chronic pain. I would like it to be platonic.Thank you and Have a wonderful day ☺

(ofc! I tried to do my research but I don’t have chronic pain, apologies if anything is wrong :< thanks for requesting!)

Scout, Medic, Spy, Engie, and Heavy w/ a reader who has chronic pain (PLATONIC)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

☆Scout☆

He doesn’t get it at first honestly

Once you explain it more he feels really bad for you

Like you just hurt? All the time? And he can’t rlly do anything to make it go away?

If you have to cancel plans of going somewhere to hang out he’ll stay with you inside

“Scout, are you sure you don’t want to go with the rest of the team to get drinks? I don’t want to make you stay in my room.”

“Pally, I’m happy as hell bein’ here. You’re my bud, I ain’t just gonna leave ya here when you already feel like shit. Now just relax, aight? Back to what I was sayin’, lemme tell ya ‘bout the time I absolutely destroyed alla BLU…”

Major yapper alert

Perfectly content with just being near to you, he likes being entertaining for you to at least distract you from the pain

☆Medic☆

The most educated about it (obviously) 

Constantly has all your meds on hand along with refills

Is a huge hypocrite about making sure you’re okay

“You must sleep now fruend, it is twenty-two right now and you need your rest.”

“Medic you haven’t slept in four days.”

“That is entirely beside the point.”

(mf looks thru ur window to make sure ur actually sleeping /unreality)

Is intrigued about how your pain is triggered by certain things and will want to run experiments (dw he’ll undo whatever he did w/ his medigun and give you a lollipop)

Will offer you different surgeries to help but they all seem a little too experimental in nature 

Will give you the privilege of feeding his doves if you’re having a bad pain episode 

☆Spy☆

Relates to you somewhat (I headcanon him as a cane user)

Always has his smoking room open to you if you need a place to rest

If you’re sensitive to sound his room is perfect

It’s far from the other rooms and common areas, and if he is there with you he is often just reading a book with the occasional glance to make sure you don’t need anything

Never says it but he does enjoy your company a lot

You notice after a while that theres stock of all the things you typically use for pain episodes 

“Spy? Why are there heat packs in here?”

“Ah, those are for me, but please feel free to use them if you would like.”

“...don’t you just only use cold packs for your pain?”

“Let’s change the subject, shall we?”

“Alright. …thanks.”

Does a lot of favors for you secretly, and knows you know it’s him but he’ll still never say it outright

☆Engineer☆

Literally has a mental list of foods that you should and shouldn’t eat if youre having a pain episode and will act like a strict parent abt it

“No more soda for you, it ain’t gonna help ya with that pain of yours. If ya need a drink I got some tea that’ll actually help ya.”

“But–”

“No buts, tea, water, or nothin’.”

“Fine, I’ll have some water.”

In his workshop he’ll come up with loads of gadgets to try to make your life easier :3

Will prolly make a robot for you to do your menial tasks that take up too much energy

☆Heavy☆

Is there constantly to help you with anything you need

You don’t have the energy to make yourself a coffee? Boom, he’s got it for you.

Debating whether or not it’s worth it to do the laundry to then be in bad pain all day? He already did it hours ago.

He’ll offer you to join him exercising to help with the pain

“Ugh, h- heavy I’ve done thirty pushups already, can we quit?”

“Net, exercise good for you.”

“C’mon! I’m already in pain, can’t you give me a little mercy?”

“And now are in different pain, da? This one good!”

Dw, he makes sure to not actually push you past your limits

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

[daniwolf9005]

Sorry this came so late- but Merry Christmas @part-time-pixie !! I was your secret Santa for the @mlsecretsanta 2023 event! This piece went through a lot of complications because I was so unsure about a lot of things! Let me run down the process!

I knew it had to be your AU since that’s a lot more personal and I myself am a big fan of personalized stuff! So I actually never knew anything about Winx before this so I researched- about 6 episodes for context of the fairy and specialist relations- so that’s one reason why the startup was slow but then!! I needed to figure out a setting- originally I was going with Magix City- but the color palette was more green and I wanted a more warm palette- but for the life of me I couldn’t find a place that screamed romance- eventually I gave in and just looked up “date in Winx” or something like that- and boom!! This place showed up- so heavy inspiration of the setting from this screen shot (lots of details were forgotten waaah-)

And then it was little things- from my research I realized they only transformed when battling so I needed a casual outfit (note for some reason I forgot to apply this logic to Luka’s fit I’m sorry 😭) for Adrien that wasn’t his powered up form for a casual setting- I ended up just asking- and I hope that didn’t clue you in but nonetheless I hope it was still somewhat a surprise! I’m so glad I did though because at that point I could finally finish the sketch- which was around the end of December so I was stuck on that for a while 😭

I finished the line art and coloring in a rush and man you can tell ;v; I went through a lot in coloring stage- I tried finishing this piece during a family outing and my markers (about 80+) fell out of their holders and went everywhere- also learned coloring over my white pen did not in fact keep it solid and the white began to get washed away from the marker on top, revealing the line art I messed up on beneath- one of the things that made me glad I was late is when you made this piece and I realized his gem clasp was teal- I was gonna make it yellow since that was the last red fountain specialist color not used and I assumed he’d just take it lmao! Though in short I went through all the stages of grief when doing the coloring ;v;

All to say though I hope despite all the flaws you still like it! I was really happy with this around the line art stage and even now- I’m just harsh on my own work but this is actually the biggest piece in my art book (I’ve been working on this book since Summer 2022!) so I suppose that is to say I’m glad I was able to try something new with this one!

(Also small note but I realized the quality turned out really fuzzy on here- if you want @part-time-pixie I can send a zip file to you in dms?)

[eurothug4000]

INTERVIEW ON THE MAKING OF THE CANCELLED MMORPG NINELIVES

Ninelives is the most beautiful RPG that was never completed, but can still be experienced as it was left. As part of my video on the game (now up for early access on Nebula), I also interviewed Tota of SmokymonkeyS on its inspirations and development before its suspension in 2016.

What would you say are your main inspirations for the art style in Ninelives? E.g. other artists, film, games, literature, history etc.!

I was a huge fan of Adventure Gamebook when I was a kid. Well, maybe you don't know what that is. Please read the wiki if you need: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamebook. I was reading (playing) translated oversea gamebooks well, and love the inner artwork especially what draw by monochrome. I had never seen pictures like that before, and had a strong impact on me. So, I wanted to make a gamebook by my self. When I started making my own gamebooks, I learned a lot about how games are made. That's because a gamebook is a medium in which the player can see all the source code. At first I started making gamebooks because I was attracted by the artwork, but my interest eventually shifted to making the game itself.

Related to the above, do you take a lot of inspiration from real world cultures and places? Are there any that you particularly gravitate towards?

I like the mixed culture, like Chinoiserie in France at the 17 century. Plus, since I'm Japanese and this country has always been greatly influenced by China. So I'm not limited to any one of these cultures, but trying to create as I am influenced by all of them. Sometimes people say that what I create looks Japanese, Chinese, or Asian, which is neither correct nor incorrect. I try not to be only of a certain culture when I create. That's because I want to create an imaginary world that is somewhat like reality, but slightly different.

Why did you want to make Ninelives?

Ninelives was the first game I ever thought of making, I think when I was about 17.

Do you think Ninelives being in an unfinished state provides a different atmosphere when playing the game and exploring the world?

I don't particularly think so. The atmosphere of the game is still complete. I wanted the game to be a relaxed, free-roamed adventure for players.

I wasn't certain during my research, so I wanted to confirm if Tomomi Sakuba was involved in Ninelives in any way?

Yeah, Sakuba was involved in Ninelives lots of ways. As you said, he did some of the texture pictures for flowers, plants and tree leaves. He also drawn the world map and area maps of the game like below: http://www.smokymonkeys.com/kyrill/index.asp?direct=138 He actually walked around the world by himself to make this. He was one of the most earliest game tester of the game. Oh, and I have to tell you this. He's a voice actor of male Nightbreed and Elf! In addition, his wife did some of creature voices. Her voice is also used on Triglav too!

What are your own personal thoughts on Ninelives? Is there anything you would drastically change looking back on it? Or any big changes you would want to make if you were to continue development at any point?

Ninelives was too much for me in many ways. It was a world I had been thinking about since I was young, but there were too many things to actually create to handle, and in that sense it's exactly the dream a child thinks about. We are a team of two in SmokymonkeyS, but one of us is in charge of programming and system engineering, and the game itself was created completely by myself. I had to create all the pictures, models, terrain, music, and story by myself. Now if I'm going to make something, I don't make it on such a large scale anymore.

Apart from the Switch release for Garage and occasional updates on Triglav that you mentioned before, is there anything that SmokymonkeyS are working on for the future?

Not yet so far.

I noticed your banner on the official website (http://www.smokymonkeys.com/kyrill/index.asp) has a character on a train platform, I wondered if that might be a future game?

Once it was. It was a previous project of Triglav for mobile. But it was going to be on a larger scale again, so we decided to port Triglav before that. There are no plans to make that game now. But I may make another game with that worldview and atmosphere. For example, as a mobile game.

A big thank you to Tota for taking the time to answer my questions! You can find SmokymonkeyS and their games here:

[otakusheep15]

Hey, sorry if your requests are full, and don't bother if you don't want to do it. But, I have four autoimmune conditions, and I'm wondering if you can make the Obey Me brothers (and any others you want) react to them. I have arthritis, which, for me, means the cartilage between my joints swells, causing pain, especially when it rains, snows, etc. I also have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, which is hyper flexibility (that with my arthritis means my joints pop out of place a lot), and I have localized scleroderma which means "hardening of the skin" and anywhere I get hurt has a chance of becoming a scleroderma spot which is where my immune system attacks the muscle underneath it, causing silvery bruised areas that dent in and i scar super easily. I have one big one right over my shoulder blade. And finally I have multi-connective-tissue-disease which means I have symptoms of other autoimmune conditions, the most noticeable one if occasionally my lungs try to fill with fluid (not bad enough that I can't breath, but enough that my lungs feel half the size). I got all of these diagnoses between the ages of 10 and 14. If you want to only do one or two of these, it'll be fine, but I haven't been able to find anything remotely close to this in someone else's posts. I do have a high pain tolerance, so I can still do almost anything others can do (except the monkey bars 🥲), and I walk with a cane on bad days. Stress does make my conditions worse. (Also, Mammon and Levi are my faves, and I like Asmo less.) Thanks a lot if you decide to do this! 😊

Of course, I can absolutely do this! I'm not the most familiar with autoimmune conditions, so a lot of what I mention is coming from google research and outside sources. If anything sounds incorrect, please let me know so I can fix it!

Also, so that this can relate to as many people as possible, I'm going to try and keep the specifics vague. I hope that's alright!

So, first things first: the Devildom is not exactly the most accommodating for you. It's unfortunate but it's true. If you need anything specific, you need to let someone (like Lucifer, Barbatos, or Diavolo) know so that they can better help you during your stay. Otherwise, you'll pretty much be on your own.

The first couple of weeks are a struggle. As you're getting to know everyone, not many of them are willing to help you immediately. As you make pacts and form bonds, they're more willing to understand your condition(s) and help you out, but it takes a while.

Getting around the Devildom is probably your biggest struggle, especially if you use any sort of mobility aid, or if you're less physically capable. Everything was built with demons in mind, and demons are already more advanced than the average human, so you can imagine how someone with your condition(s) might fare.

Luckily, you have all of the Devildom's most powerful demons on your side, and they're more than happy to help you once you've made connections. If there's a long set of stairs you can't get up, Mammon or Beel will absolutely carry you. If you need to take a break and catch your breath, Levi and Belphie will stick with you so you don't feel lonely. If someone is making fun of you or bullying you, Asmo, Lucifer, and Satan are all ready to throw hands on your behalf.

You also (somewhat accidentally) help bring about a lot of change to the Devildom. Diavolo sees how often you struggle to get around, what with all of the demon-centric architecture, and decides that it needs to change, especially if he wants to better relations with humans. He makes a lot of areas more accessible to those with mobility aids, and he also makes sure to place more rest stops (such as benches) around places that didn't previously have many places to rest. He also introduces more education on autoimmunity into RAD so that more demons can know about all the different types of conditions a human can have.

If you're having a bad pain day, your favorite brother is by your side the entire time, tending to your every need. Since the request mentioned Levi and Mammon, I'll use them as examples.

Mammon is lowkey worrying over you if you're having a bad pain day, but he's doing his best. Most of his day is spent grabbing things around the house for you. He brings you water, cooks you food, and finds sources of entertainment for you. If you have any sort of ointments or creams applied to your skin, he's very gentle with you as he helps you. He's also good at massages if you think it'll help you. If you desperately need to go somewhere, he is picking you up and carrying you there himself.

Levi is surprisingly good at taking care of you. He originally wanted to keep you in his room, but he realized his bathtub might not be comfortable to you while you're in pain, so he stays in your room. He brings plenty of snacks and drinks, as well as games and anime to keep you entertained. Most of your time is spent cuddling in bed while watching comfort anime. He does worry about accidentally making your pain worse somehow, but he does his best.

Overall, having any sort of autoimmune condition will definitely be a struggle during your time in the Devildom, but it gets better as you spend time there. You have a great support system of demons ready at your beck and call, all more than willing to take care of you.

[astrolavas]

what tracks do you think Hunter took in hexside?

i'm 100% certainnnnn he was multitrack, like i know for a FACT.

i do wonder whether he took all tracks or if he omitted some, though. he's got sm curiosity in himself and he loves to learn things. he may not be able to do magic like most witches but he's so good with general magical knowledge and he knows so much theory, has memorized lots of info abt the most niche magic things, and he loves research and so he manages to find his own unique ways to exist in a magic society powerless. feel like he'd definitely be open to taking all tracks. AND these... 1-2 years in hexside that he got were the first time he could truly experience school, so it's also possible that he'd try to get as much of that knowledge and experience as he could in that limited time.

i feel like if he were NOT to take any track, it'd be oracle, since it's tied to things like seeing the future and fate/destiny/spirits, and that's something hunter would not really want to play with much, considering how much he cares abt things like choosing your own future, and also considering the whole…. grimwalker/caleb business so gah... but we also don't KNOW anything abt oracle magic so kxjsjks who knows! it might be something different completely.

then for some tracks, i feel he could just not care that much, possibly not enough to take them, if they were not rly anything related to what he's into, like construction... (but still possibly enough to at least try them)

i feel like a track that he'd especially want to take would be beastkeeping, since it's probably somewhat tied to creating palismen and also just relates to animals (which he loves) and it's a track related to eberwolf and even camila; i feel like he'd enjoy it.

then there are also other tracks that are related to his loved ones, like the abomination track (feel like he'd defo want to impress darius with that one, and learn as much as he can) and plant and illusion tracks; which are not really his "thing" BUT something his friends love. i feel like he'd at least try it. tbh the plant track would also tie in with his palisman-making future well, since those ARE made of wood, so he likely has to know how to take care of palistrom trees too somewhat, at least the basics just in case. illusions wouldn't have this much of a practical use but could still be interesting and intriguing to learn so... maybe? temporary at the very least.

i like to think that he'd be taught some instrument by raine in his free time as well so bard track courses could definitely fit in his graphic too. not sure how long they'd keep up, considering you need your own magic to do bard magic, but i feel like even without that he'd learn some theory at least, and just play an instrument normally, OR maybe there'd a way to let him participate fully (through the instruments' magic or sth???)… either way, a possibility also, even if temporary!

then there's also potions; and i feel like he wouldn't necessarily be particularly interested IN potion-related stuff, at least not to the point where it'd be his "thing", but it's still sth interesting to learn and, depending on how many proper accommodations for his lack of magic he'd get in other tracks, it's also a course he can fully engage in, AND he did wear that potions track so it might've even been a partial hint for that. he'd be good at potions i think.

i feel like, with the whole system reform and belos' fall and luz's influence, they definitely added like a wild/ancient magic history course too, even if glyphs didn't work anymore, since that'd cover an important part of erased/forgotten history that was important to remember, and hunter would LOVE that. he's very passionate and already knows sm abt that specific magic knowledge so he'd runnn for it if that was a track available as well. THIS is his favorite thing to study and learn about.

i like to think that he got some specific accommodations that made classes possible for him with his lack of magic, and so he got to learn and do things in his own way, and with that he defo decided to truly learn ALL of it (or at least, all that was interesting to him) (a choice he probably slightly regretted some random night where he had like 10 unfinished assignments to do kxjsjsjk) and just, just….. he got to attend hexsideeee and learn magic, learn "wild" magic, experience school and meet with his friends everyday and everything and GAHHHGHHH. IT MAKES ME SO !!!!

but yeah, like. he couldn't use glyphs for classes anymore but there still HAD to be a way. palisman magic maybe (i feel like he definitely waited a while til he made waffles though so maybe he could use owlbert or even stringbean sometimes in that case, similarly to flyer derby)? or those training wands, or even some other techniques that'd help him with his courses. especially with bump being the prinicipal and eda slowly stepping into the teaching career, they DEFINITELY wanted to figure sth out for hunter specifically. and definitely did!

(sth sth both bump and eda being good teachers who truly care abt the well-being of their students and the right approach to acquiring knowledge….. i know these old ppl were doing a LOT of digging and thinking and planning to give hunter the best options for his education)

anyway- YEAH! multitrack hexside hunter...... so real. him being able to learn everything he's passionate about, being able to experiment and discover and find out what he likes, now that he's free to do so. cuz even if he decides something isn't for him after some time, he still has the FREEDOM to determine that himself. the freedom to try everything, the freedom to decide for himself. yeah... yeah.

[erabu-san]

I think my favorite personal headcanons of Cyno and Tighnari would be them actually being childhood friends. Since I hc Cyno being really shy and easily frightened as a child, it would it hard for him to make friends. But Cyrus knew that having some interaction with kids his age would be good for him, but still, he wanted to be careful of how he went about it. On Tighnari's side, I picture him being a very curious kid, but in the end, isn't too interested in friendships. For example, while all the others kids played tag or something, Tighnari would be drawing in the sand. He wasn't shy, or anything like that. His mind just wasn't that focused on forming relationships with kids his age.

So, Cyrus met up with Tighnari's dad (assuming they somewhat knew each other) and decided to let their kids meet. Cyrus trusted Tighnari's dad parenting, and wasn't worried about his son meeting Cyno. And Tighnari's dad thought that Tighnari should really make at least one friend.

So they met, and at first, Tighnari was only hanging out with Cyno cause his dad ushered him to, but he grew to enjoy his company. Cyno was really nervous around Tighnari, but learned to relax and be more verbal and expressive with him. Tighnari was a very talkative kid, and would ramble on and on about some sort of plant he discovered, and Cyno would listen intently, making a small comment every now and then.

Long story short; Cyno was scared of forming friendships, Tighnari wasn't interested in friendships. And both of them became each other's first friend, and helped each other open up to other people :)

Also, I read somewhere that Cyno got his humor from Cyrus, but I also think it'd be sweet if during them time Cyno was still trying to figure out how to "friend" properly, Cyrus offhandedly mentioned that humor helped people become closer. So, he decided to try and tell Tighnari some jokes in an attempt to get closer to him. They weren't funny. At all. But Tighnari forced a laugh because Cyno had such a hopeful expression.

Which I think would lead to this conversation later in life-

Cyno: *Sigh* You used to laugh at my jokes all the time....

Tighnari: My sense of humor improved, you could say (He still doesn't have the heart to tell him he forced himself to laugh).

It is such a cute HC ! But I believe it would be more an AU than a HC ? Since it is canon that Cyno met Tighnari and they became friend when Tighnari was still a student in Akademiya (and Cyno was already a general mahamatra) But I still believe that Tighnari and Cyno become each other's first genuine friend !! A friendship with akademia related, nor beneficial for research/job ! And yes bahaha if I remember in.. kaveh's hangout I guess ? we can hear Cyrus saying pun jokes KSLKS But bahaha young tighnari laughing at young cyno's joke by politeness, it is a pretty funny picture

[kaeyachi]

Am I the only one, who finds the lore of descendants of those, who abandon their gods, turning into hilis, ridiculous?

You want to tell me, that in the whole history of teyvat, nobody ever witnessed their unbelieving uncle turn into a hilichurl, because he spit on the imagine of the shogun or something?

What about the sages? Even scara said that Nahida's people abandoned her. Yet last time I checked the sages didn't turn wild.

Or is it the act of leaving celestia's grace and going underground to Khaenri'ah something that seals the curse? And you want to tell me, that in the history before the cataclysm, nobody knew, that going to the surface will kill their humanity?

Seems like something hoyo didn't plan properly

Doesn’t Kaeya's character story imply that he was born and raised in Khaenri'ah (or what remained) before his father brought him to the strange lands of Mondstadt (the literal starter region that is so basic)

If the HSR crew did the lore of Genshin we would have known about his childhood before Mondstadt by know.

Man, if the Genshin crew did HSR lore than Dan Heng's secret and story arc would have been resolved 5 patches later lol

And March's past would have still not been touched on, I was so surprised that she herself suggested to use the Matrix to find some clues! I didn't expect much but that was a Genshin would never moment for me

Hey there anon! Here are the answer to some of your questions!

- Yes, they have to enter Khaenri'ah for the hilichurl curse to work. The act of turning against your archon is easy because archons come and go. The major difference is that by choosing to stay in Khaenri'ah, you are basically declaring that you are against Celestia and the seven

- People have observed others turn into monsters before. In fact, Khaenri'ah is not the first nation Celestia cursed. Turning into a monster is also not as fast as most people think it is.

- Caribert was implied to have stayed in Khaenri'ah for a while with Clothar's voiceline where he tells Caribert that there is "no more red sky". Clothar brought his lover and his illegitimate son closer to him, and that was their downfall. He met the prerequisites I mentioned above.

- Khaenri'ah probably knew that non-purebloods going to the surface would turn them into monsters, if the Perinheri tale is to be trusted. They would end up choosing a select number of families or clans that they know are purebloods (non-Teyvatian). Arguably, this could be why the Alberich clan was so hell-bent on keeping blood purity.

- The Cataclysm is basically a "die here if you choose to stay" or "leave this place and lose your humanity" situation

-Kaeya's story does not imply that he was in Khaenri'ah. At most, they mentioned his father teaching him and talking about their clan, but no direct mention of Kaeya ever having stepped foot inside it. Additionally, Kaeya's attitude of subtly trying to research more about Khaenri'ah somewhat implies that he doesn't have much information other than anything related to his "mission" from his father. Again, Kaeya was once a little boy who purposely attempted to run away from the Ragnvindr family when he saw a chance to go to Sumeru and, therefore, learn more about Khaenri'ah.

- Lmao don't expect any Mondstadt slander from me. I love that nation, and I know that nation so much that I believe there is something more to it. Also, do note that Mondstadt is a hub for people with mysterious lore, not just Kaeya. I guess we can argue that Mond is a starter nation for all of them too ig.

Finally, FYI FOR EVERYONE

I do not care for HSR v. Genshin discourse! Please take this issue somewhere else, okay guys? I am a Kaeya blog 90% of the time and 10% of everything else, and I do not have space in my 10% for arguments ✌️ but for the record, I prefer playing Genshin for a multitude of reasons. Take that as you will.

[kohakhearts]

request: palletshipping, hanahaki?

wc: 7 158 read on ao3 here

Gary is eleven years old the first time he throws up a flower petal, just south of Viridian City. At first, he thinks it is his mind playing tricks on him; maybe he hit his head when that Pokémon in the gym knocked him out. But it happens again the next morning, and he knows with a leaden sort of dread settling deep in his stomach it’s not.

Gingerly, he picks the flower up, considers it with an appropriate level of emotional distance: it’s thin and round, deeply yellow. When he pinches it between his thumb and index finger, it is small enough that it seems to disappear entirely. There’s still a slight tickle in his throat, but a deep breath in and out assures him there’s nothing wrong with his lungs.

Though it somewhat complicates his return home, he also knows he has a better chance of finding information tucked away on a dusty shelf at Oak Laboratory than out on the road. He tells his grandfather his occasional cough is nothing more than a passing cold he must have picked up on the road, a story which only really gains credibility when Ash comes by and the fits become somewhat more frequent. Even if a coincidence, Gary can’t quite help taking his frustrations about it out on Ash for the handful of days they both stay in Pallet Town.

Unfortunately, his search of his grandfather’s shelves leaves him with about as much information as he had to begin with, being basically none. Most of the books are about Pokémon, rather than human, diseases; and apparently, this particular malady hasn’t been observed in Pokémon.

When he leaves Pallet Town again, it gets better. So he redoubles his training and puts flowers out of his mind in order to focus on the League. Only every other night, when he wakes up with a headache and ringing ears, does his cough re-emerge. It seems obvious, then, that it’s related to what happened at the Viridian Gym—and he is not ready to face the implications of that yet. Not until he wins the League. Not until he proves that he is stronger than that armoured Pokémon made him feel.

But it is not meant to be; his fourth round opponent sends out a Golem against his Nidoking and he has been here before, only this time his grandfather and Ash are watching, and when his Pokémon falls he falls with him. A cough wracks his body, but the petal doesn’t dislodge itself from his throat until later, when Ash finds him outside.

“Gary!”

Gary turns around with a wry smile, which he can’t maintain for long. When he coughs, Ash’s frown only deepens.

“Gary?”

He waves a dismissive hand at him, while the other comes up to cover his mouth just in time to catch the flimsy orange petal before it passes between his lips. He wraps his hand around it and drops his fist down to his side before Ash can see anything.

“That trainer was lucky I was distracted by the girls cheering for me,” he says. His confidence is easy and comfortable, and even if Ash doesn’t look entirely convinced, it’s still enough to let him get away. Another day, another time, perhaps he would have stayed behind to see how Ash fared in his battle, but today he wants nothing more than to get away from here.

As they drive away, he crushes the petal between his fingers, then sends the wilting pieces back with the wind, away from him. The sooner he gets away from here, the sooner he’ll get over it. He’s sure of it.

*

The flower petals don’t completely go away, nor, however, do they grow worse. It quickly becomes something he adjusts to and deals with, because he has to. He doesn’t try to research it any more than he has, if only because he can’t bring himself to ask anyone else about it. Scouring the Internet on a Pokémon Centre computer, he learns it is a rare affliction commonly associated with repressed feelings of some kind. So long as he still wakes up with nightmares of that Pokémon, he supposes it won’t get any better, but those are lessening, too, as time goes on. It must be a matter of patience, then.

After that, he mostly tries to put it out of his mind. It bothers him only once every few days, if that. By the time he returns to Pallet Town again, he has found ways to make his coughing less obvious; sometimes, he can even swallow them down completely, though it results in an aching pain in his chest that he prefers to avoid whenever possible. Around Ash and his grandfather in particular, he leaves room for the ache, knowing it is better than their questions or, worse, their concerns.

He thinks he has it all figured out, until the night before his battle with Ash at the Silver Conference, he chokes up not just a petal, but an entire flower.

It is round and yellow, small, as if not yet fully grown. He is no botanist, has never been particularly interested in plants beyond their usefulness to him and his Pokémon. He holds it up to the light in his room, then far away, trying to glean…something from it, but there is nothing. Umbreon, who was sleeping near his feet before his coughs roused her, stretches up to sniff at it.

“I guess it’s kinda pretty,” he allows. “If you like that kind of thing.”

“Bre?”

“Forget about it. After we’re finished here, it’ll get better. It has to.”

She doesn’t look fully convinced, but dutifully lies back down. Her eyes follow him through the dark as he leans over to put the flower on the table beside his bed, then slips back into bed and turns on his side, so he can’t see it any longer.

In the morning, it has already wilted. He tells himself he pays it no mind as he grabs his things and leaves the room behind to prepare for their battle.

Facing against Ash, it is easy to forget about the things that are weighing down him. He is a passionate and spirited battler, always intent on keeping his competition on their toes; a long time ago, Gary thought Ash would never grow into the rival he was sure as children they would be for each other, but even from across the battlefield, the glint in his eyes is impossible to miss. Gary swallows hard against the flowers in his throat and throws himself into the battle, the way Ash has always wanted him to do.

His loss comes with a sense of serenity. Any doubt still lingering about his next steps flees the moment the referee declares Blastoise unable to battle. He has made it as far as he ever needed, or truly wanted, to. And on the other side is Ash—shocked, until the realization hits him. And then he is smiling so brightly Gary wonders how he ever let himself believe he wanted to take that away from him.

He throws up a second flower shortly after that, much like the first one. He doesn’t know why looking at it for too long makes his eyes begin to sting. He doesn’t know why it makes his chest hurt so badly to drop it on the ground and stamp beneath his foot, as if it were still somehow rooted to his lungs.

After he is sure that it isn’t going to happen again, he asks Ash to meet him by the lake, and returns the top half of their Poké Ball. It takes a heaviness from him, lessens the ache, even if just a bit. He holds Ash’s hand tightly in his and smiles and really means it when he says that, this time, he’ll be there to cheer him on.

There’s nothing between them, then. Ash opens his mouth, as if to say something, but then thinks better of it and clamps it shut. He just smiles instead. When they let go, Gary turns away first. He doesn’t let himself look back.

*

His next return to Pallet Town is short but necessary as he considers his next steps. Research is a different path, which will lead him other places and introduce him to new people. It will be like starting from square one all over again.

During this time, however, the flowers only grow bigger, and come more frequently. He spends a few days in bed with what he tells his grandfather must be the flu, just trying to breathe through the stabbing pain in his sides. By now, it has been just over two years since this began; and while the venom of his memories has lessened, the flowers only seem to have developed thorns of their own.

They’re worse at night, when everyone else is asleep. This has been true from the beginning, like loneliness is a prerequisite to their growth. A few days into his stay at the lab, it is so awful he thinks perhaps he really does have the flu, and yet no amount of heaving over the toilet produces anything more than specks of velvety yellow and orange. Most of the flowers are not in full bloom; many come apart somewhere in his throat, leaving his choking that much more pronounced.

It's like this that Tracey finds him, knocking hesitantly on the door and then poking his head inside.

“Hey, Gary?” he calls. “You all right in there?”

In answer, he throws up again.

“Okay, stupid question.” Tentative footsteps echo behind him, until Tracey is kneeling down next to him. He seems to debate for a moment whether or not it’s a good idea, but after a pregnant pause puts a hand on Gary’s shoulder and awkwardly begins to rub his back.

Gary doesn’t have the strength to push him away, nor the mental fortitude to try anyway and risk revealing the source of his illness. Unfortunately, it is impossible to remain in this position when coughs tear through him again and he retches. He spits a few broken petals into the toilet and at least leans back in defeat.

“Oh,” says Tracey, very quietly.

Gary attempts to clear his throat, to little success. Apparently clueing in, Tracey gets to his feet and tells him, “Let me grab you some water, all right? Stay there.”

As if Gary could have gone anywhere if he wanted to. He shoots a pitiful glare at the toilet, as if it is to blame for the flowers now swimming in it. When Tracey returns, he takes the water without a fight, just grateful to have something to relieve the scratchiness in his throat.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking,” Tracey says after a moment, “but, um…how long has this been going on?”

Gary directs the glare at him, now; he puts his hands up in surrender.

“I know, sorry. It’s just—it doesn’t seem like your grandpa knows. Does he?”

Minutely, Gary shakes his head.

“Does anyone know?”

“No,” Gary rasps. “And you can’t tell anyone, either. It’s not a big deal, all right?”

Tracey’s gaze is kind, yet somehow also unrelenting. He says, “It is a big deal, Gary. I… It’s a rare disease, but I knew someone who had it. In the Orange Islands, we call it Hanahaki Disease. She, um, passed away from it. If you let it go untreated for too long…”

Gary tries not to focus on the part of that statement he leaves hanging between them. “There’s a treatment?”

Tracey winces. “Well…not exactly. How much do you know about it?”

Gary’s grip tightens on the glass. He tells himself it is only that tension making his hand tremble so much. “It’s psychological,” he finally manages. “It’s because of—feelings. If you don’t deal with that…”

A beat passes, and then Tracey kneels down in front of him again. Gingerly, he eases the glass free from Gary’s grasp, then sets it down on the floor between them.

“Sort of,” he says. “But you’re smarter than that, Gary. Pretty sure you can tell it’s not just in your head. It’s also here.” He gestures to his own chest, and then down to his midsection. “And here.”

As Gary watches, unbidden, he thinks of the flower he crushes under his foot, during the Silver Conference. He does not know why, despite the pain of leaning over the toilet for who-knows-how-long before Tracey came around, this is what makes tears spring into his eyes now.

“Then—what’s the treatment?”

“I guess you could say it’s honesty. But I think the first person you have to be honest to is yourself, right?” He hesitates a moment, and then says, “The feeling. What is it?”

Under the weight of his kind stare, Gary falters. Suddenly, his certain diminishes; if it were truly to do with the nightmares and the memories and the fear he’s carried since the Viridian Gym, he would not be here now. Would he?

That’s when it started. So what else happened that day?

He closes his eyes, thinking back. Ash was there. He picked him up off the floor. He looked him in the eyes, open and earnest. The memory of his hands around Gary is more poignant than that of the explosion that knocked him off his feet in the first place.

It got worse recently. He clenches his hands into fists, remembering how it had felt holding Ash’s. Passing him the other half of that Poké Ball. The bright light in his eyes. The ambitious joy in his smile.

He swallows down a sudden lump in his throat and opens his eyes again.

“I don’t know,” he lies.

“Gary…”

“You can’t tell anyone,” Gary says again, voice tight from the flower lodged somewhere within it. He thinks to try swallowing it down again, but there is no point, when Tracey already knows the truth anyway. He coughs a few times, until he is able to spit up the yellow abomination. He holds it out in his shaking hand, vision blurring somewhat.

“It’s pretty,” Tracey offers after a moment. “I don’t know if it’s true, but…I’ve heard that the flowers that grow inside the person afflicted with the disease represent the person they love. So I guess it must be someone fairly bright, right? Someone who…makes you happy?”

Gary snorts out a laugh. “Is this supposed to make me happy?”

Tracey puts a hand over the flower, which draws Gary’s eyes away from it and up to his face.

“Love isn’t supposed to hurt,” he says seriously. “The only way to make it stop hurting is by being honest about it.”

Gary just shakes his head. He can’t tell Tracey. He can barely bear to examine this realization himself.

Tracey sighs, but gives his hand a small squeeze and then reaches down and passes the water back to him anyway. “Well, at least make sure you take care of yourself. And if you ever need anything…”

There’s something terribly ironic about Ash’s friend offering him a helping hand, as if this whole thing isn’t clearly Ash’s fault in the first place. Tracey is nice enough, though, and Gary doubts he would try to involve Ash unless Gary actually asked him to. Still…it’s not worth the headache, when Gary knows he figured it out too late and now he’s missed his chance. If he said anything to Ash now…

Love isn’t supposed to hurt. Yeah, of course it’s not.

And Gary isn’t interesting in hurting Ash now, just to give himself some relief.

He drinks the rest of the water. Tracey waits for him.

Finally, he passes the glass back and says, “Thanks. I’ll let you know.”

Tracey accepts it with a smile. “Sounds good. Why don’t you go get some sleep? I’m sure I’ll see you in the morning.” He pauses, but only briefly. “Why don’t you leave that here with the other ones? I’ll clean them up.”

Gary stares at him for a moment, and then slowly unfurls his hand from around the flower. He lets it fall into Tracey’s outstretched hand, then hurries up to his feet and heads back for his room. Pure physical exhaustion is the only thing that ensures he falls asleep once he is in bed; it does not stop him from tossing and turning, his dreams an all-consuming shadow around his best friend’s smile, his hands, his burning, passionate eyes.

*

He tries to leave before Ash can catch up to him, but Ash finds him anyway. He always does. And he sends him off with the half of the Poké Ball and a heaviness in his lungs, like it is no big deal.

Mostly, his first year and a half as a researcher are spent trying to cope with the flowers growing in his lungs. A part of him is convinced he can just live with it, that even if his life is in any sort of danger, that danger hangs suspended far in the future. There must be something he can do in between then, if he just…gets stronger, learns more, tries harder.

On Sayda Island, he mostly is able to ignore it. It comes and it goes, he finds, and when he is occupied with something else, it tends not to be so bad, at least until that thing becomes stressful and overwhelming, like the rampaging Aerodactyl.

Which is a perfect time for Tracey and his grandfather to come for a visit, too.

Tracey is cautious about broaching the subject, but it becomes unavoidable when, shortly before he and Samuel are about to leave, Gary bends over, heaving, and chokes out a few crumpled petals, and then finally a large, round flower.

Dora and Crystal and thankfully preoccupied with Aerodactyl and don’t notice anything. But Gary’s grandfather sees it, and if Gary thought it was bad enough that Tracey knew, well…now he kind of wishes he could sink into the ground and be done with it.

“Gary, what…?”

“It’s not that bad,” he hurries to reassure. “It’s been happening a lot less than before.” He pointedly doesn’t mention that the flower in front of his feet now is the biggest one he’s seen yet. Even Tracey would have no way of figuring that out.

“This is…” Samuel blinks. Shakes his head. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Gary looks away. He hates when his grandfather gets that look, like he has somehow done something wrong or bad for Gary, like this is his fault rather than Gary’s.

“Gary’s been monitoring his symptoms,” Tracey jumps in quickly. “Right now, they’re not so bad, right, Gary?”

“Oh, uh…” He clears his throat and turns back to face them both. “That’s right. I just…I’m not in a position to do anything about it, that’s all.”

Samuel’s lips thin. “I don’t know much about this particular malady, but I understand the solution is fairly straightforward.” Suddenly, his eyes flash, and dread flows from Gary’s head down to his feet. Leave it to his grandfather to have him all figured out in ten seconds flat.

“You can’t tell him,” he says, and feels like he’s begging but can’t quite help it. “I’m not coming back. Look—Dora and I were talking, and she has some friends working with Professor Rowan in the Sinnoh region. I spoke to him. After I’m finished here, he’s going to give me a position in his lab. I can’t go back now.”

“Really?” Tracey beams. “That’s awesome, Gary!”

“Now, Tracey, wait just a moment…” Samuel is frowning. Deeply. “Gary, I understand you don’t want to leave things in the air for so long, but surely…”

“I don’t even know where he is,” Gary points out. “We’ll see each other again someday, but for now, I’m doing my own thing, and he’s doing his. Isn’t that enough, Gramps?”

“Well…”

“It’s not usually this bad,” he tries again. “It’s just ‘cause everything was so—hectic. I’m keeping an eye on things. You believe me, don’t you?”

Finally, his grandfather’s composure crumbles. He heaves a short sigh, then offers a watery smile.

“I believe you,” he promises. “But I hope Tracey’s right about you monitoring your symptoms. If they ever worsen…”

“I know, I know.”

Samuel gives him a long, searching look, and then nods. “Very well. Then, I’m happy for you, Gary, truly. The Sinnoh region will have plenty of excellent opportunities just waiting for you. Don’t forget to call every now and then!”

Relief lessens the tension in Gary’s jaw enough so that he is able to must up a genuine smile. “I won’t. Thanks for visit, Gramps, Tracey. See ya soon. Have a safe trip back.”

They both bid him farewell, then turn begin making their way toward the boat. Only when Gary is just about to turn away himself does he hear Tracey yelp, “Ash?!”

He shakes his head, sighing. Leave it to his grandfather to spill his secrets for him. All he can do is hope Tracey will keep him from telling anyone even more implicated than Tracey is.

*

True to his word, Gary does make an effort to call often, and dutifully reports with at least a degree of honesty on his current symptoms. They remain about the same, though his stress levels rise somewhat significantly under Professor Rowan’s tutelage. He is a severe man, with big expectations; Gary intends to surpass them all, but this grows increasingly difficult when he is throwing up flowers every other day.

It is manageable, though. Gary returns to Pallet Town for a short while after he hears Ash has completely the Battle Frontier challenge. He isn’t sure what he expects to say to him, if anything at all; but after not seeing him in so long, he can’t bring himself to think about the disease or the crushed up flowers or anything, really, other than how nice it will be to see him again after all this time.

And it is nice. In the time they’ve spent apart, Ash has grown—physically, of course, but it’s more than that. There’s a new confidence in him, unlike the arrogant self-certainty he has after he toured the Orange Islands. This is more peaceful. Assurance, security—nothing more or less than belief in himself and his Pokémon.

It is the first time Gary’s seen him in person since he left, shortly after realizing the truth of his feelings. Aside from a postcard he sent when Ash was competing in the Ever Grande Conference, they haven’t exactly shared words with each other in just as long. But Gary watched his battles on TV; Gary asked his grandfather about his travels and his Pokémon and his friends; Gary thought about this moment, and what he would say when it came, so often it sometimes kept him awake at night at least as often as the flowers have.

But he doesn’t say anything. He just accepts Ash’s request to battle, and hopes that says enough for Ash to know he isn’t giving up on his dream, and neither should he. Neither Tracey nor his grandfather try to hold him back when he says he is leaving, but, then again, neither does Ash.

It’s just as well, too, because Gary coughs up some more flowers not too far from the lab. Orange and yellow petals drift down around his feet. He takes care to step around them when he finally moves on.

*

After he returns to Professor Rowan’s lab, his condition worsens.

He is not so stupid as to think Ash won’t be motivated to follow him to Sinnoh after their battle. At the same time, he knows it is still too soon for their paths to converge. When he is in the middle of a briefing with the professor and begins vomiting blood and vomit over the side of his chair, he is too overwhelmed by the pain of it to notice that his mentor has come around and kneeled down in front of him until he murmurs, “Zinnias.”

Gary coughs once, twice, then looks up at him, dazed. “What?”

“These flowers are called zinnias. But I suppose you must know that already.”

Slowly, Gary shakes his head. “I don’t know anything about flowers, other than that these ones’ve been a real pain.”

Rowan’s moustache twitches. “Yes, I would imagine they have been. I must admit I’ve never seen this phenomenon before in person, but it doesn’t appear to be new to you. What do you know about it?”

And it’s strange, in a way, how relaxing it is. It is as if they are discussing a theory of Pokémon evolution—he grills Gary for the facts, then acknowledges the gaps in his understanding and sends him off somewhere to fill them in for himself.

“It’s caused by unacknowledged feelings,” he says. “Untreated, it can kill a person.”

Rowan raises an eyebrow at that. “And yet you’re sitting here now.”

“It’s not that bad yet,” Gary mutters, though the excuse doesn’t feel right when the words are coated in a thin film of iron.

Rowan says nothing to that. Instead, he asks, “And what is the treatment?”

“Honesty. To the target of the feelings.”

“And what of the afflicted?”

“Well, I’m being honest now, if that’s what you mean.”

“In a sense, I suppose.” He strokes his chin thoughtfully. “Then, if there were somewhere you could go or something you could do to ease the symptoms, it would be…?”

Gary closes his eyes and really thinks about this. He imagines that, by now, Ash is halfway across the ocean on his way here, but if their battle showed Gary anything, it’s that he’s still finding his path. And Gary isn’t so different, isn’t he?

He opens his eyes again. Says, “There isn’t anything. It’s just psychological management.”

But Rowan shakes his head. “No problem,” he says in that low, rumbling voice of his, “has only one potential solution. Perhaps you ought to think it over before your next assignment, and then we can re-evaluate.”

Gary chews on this for a moment. He doesn’t mistake any of it for a question, or even a helpful suggestion. This is simply how the professor operates.

At last, he nods. “All right. I’ll think it over. But I’m leaving tomorrow.”

Rowan looks down at the flowers around Gary’s feet. His eyes are decidedly dark.

“Come back if it worsens,” he says. “There are things that can be done if the cure is truly out of reach.”

In the moment, Gary doesn’t ask about it, but when his lungs start to feel heavy every waking moment of every day, after his next run-in with Ash during his assignment with the Shieldon, he begins to consider what exactly Professor Rowan meant.

The answer disturbs him more than he would like to admit:

“There are surgical procedures,” he explains gruffly. “In essence, they will remove the source of the growth from your organs. But it’s highly invasive, and not often done. The mortality rate is too high for most to justify it.”

“But some people survive it?”

“Certainly. Those who do go on to be quite lonely, however.”

“What do you mean?”

“Simply, they lose the ability to love. Much as the heart reacts to the repression of love by growing flowers, it similarly reacts to the unnatural removal of them by altering its function. In a way, it’s not so different from some phenomena observed in Pokémon evolution.”

Gary’s skin feels very cold, suddenly. He rubs absently at his arms. “And that’s the only alternative to the cure?”

“There are plenty of supposed natural remedies, though no scientific evidence to back them up. Some have attempted seances with ghost and psychic Pokémon, while others have supposedly attempted communicating with Legendaries in hopes of establishing a cure. Here in Sinnoh, Mesprit is a rather popular choice for such woes, so far as I understand it.”

Gary imagines himself begging to a Lake Guardian to rid him of his disease, then promptly dismisses the thought with a short, despairing laugh.

“I think I’d rather try my luck with the surgery,” he mutters.

Professor Rowan is silent for a moment, and then he clears his throat. “Forgive me for saying so, but I do wonder if there’s more to your decision to not simply confront the object of your affections than you believe there is. I will not presume to understand your situation, Gary. But I doubt whatever ramification you’re fearing is enough to risk your life over.”

When Gary says nothing, he just sighs. “In any case, there have been some reports about habitat disruptions in the caves of Mt. Cornet I was hoping you might be able to look into…”

That is the end of the conversation, but it stays with Gary for a long time, especially as his body begins fighting against him more and more. When he sees the Lake Guardians at Lake Valor, helpless to save them, he doesn’t think about the flowers. He doesn’t think about whether or not they could help. He sees Ash at the end of it all, one of the heroes standing in the way of Team Galactic, and all he can do is promise to return the Adamant and Lustrous Orbs back to Celestic Town.

Then, finally, he thinks of what Professor Rowan said.

Then, finally, he thinks he understands it.

(They stop no fewer than five times on the way to Celestic Town so Gary can throw up. The taste of blood has begun to mingle with something salty, but Professor Rowan tactfully says nothing of it when he has to wipe his eyes clean as well as his mouth.)

*

For a long while, Gary has time to simply think about it, if only because his condition gets so bad he is confined to bedrest for the unforeseeable future. He eventually relents to Professor Rowan’s insistences and calls his grandfather and Tracey, whose faces are sorrowful but advice is exactly what he expects it to be: Just talk to him, Gary.

His grandfather informs him that Ash will soon being competing in the Sinnoh League. He already was in contact, asking to have some of his old Pokémon transferred to him. And this time, Gary knows—he has no choice, but he can wait a few more days. He can.

The flowers he throws up now are dry, brittle things, past their lifespan. The blood that coats them when he coughs them out changes their colour into something dull and grey, not at all bright or happy, like Ash is. It feels worse, somehow; as if he has waited so long out of some noble sense of self-sacrifice and all he’s done is kill them both.

He musters up the strength to call Ash shortly before his battle against that trainer with the Darkrai that the announcers are raving about on TV. He has to leave a message with Nurse Joy, but he tells himself he didn’t expect anything different. And then he just has to hope that Ash receives it, and will come.

Though it is difficult to get up and walk around, Gary does manage it once in a while, certain that exercise will probably help him more than hinder him even if it makes his breathing short and fast and painful. Lake Verity is not too terribly far, and he finds that the way the breeze rolls off the water is refreshing; it helps him breathe.

It’s a better day than he’s had in a while that he comes out to the lake to wait for him. He watched the match on TV the other day, and still finds himself amazed at the way Ash smiled at the end of it, like he hadn’t been so unfairly outmatched, like he was just happy to have gotten the experience of battling such a strong Pokémon, rather than lost in the semifinals of his fourth Pokémon League. After all this time, so many years—and failures—he is still smiling just like he was that day at the Silver Conference. The day Gary walked away from him, not knowing what it would cost.

He doesn’t hear the sound of footsteps behind him, because he is bent over coughing when Ash arrives. The bloodied petals fall into his cupped hands. When he glances back to see Ash, they both stop, eyes wide.

Gary curls his hands into a fist, obscuring the petals from view, while Ash takes in two deep, stuttering breaths, then quickens his pace to get to Gary.

“Gary!” He stands above him, and he’s sort of…hovering. Like he doesn’t know what to do. “It’s—it’s been a while, huh? Are you…?”

In spite of it all, Gary cracks a smile at that. He scoots over a bit, and uses his free hand to pat the grass beside him.

“I’m all right,” he says. “Saw your battles.”

Lowering himself down with a wary sideways glance, Ash asks, “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. Pretty good. I was impressed.”

Immediately, he relaxes. Smiles. “Well, thanks! I’m glad you think so. We trained real hard. It wasn’t easy!”

“Easy’s not in your vocabulary, Ashy.” Gary laughs a bit, then stops, straightening up, as the act of it sends pain lacing up his side.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“It’s…it’s nothing.” He looks away, toward the water. “So, what’s next, then?”

Ash is quiet for a long moment. In the silence, Pikachu jumps down from his shoulder and inches closer to Gary. He doesn’t have the heart to push him away.

Finally, Ash sighs. “I don’t know yet. Guess I should be askin’ you that. I never woulda travelled here if not for you.”

Gary smiles, faintly. His eyes trace out the reflections of the sun against the lake’s tranquil surface. “I know,” he says. “Pretty cool that ya got to battle against Paul’s Electivire, too.”

Pikachu’s nose brushes against Gary’s fisted hand. Not expecting it, his fingers twitch as he pulls his hand away. The petals slips between them, settling down on the grass. Pikachu cautiously steps closer and sniffs at them, then sits back and looks at Gary with wide, sad eyes.

“Pika…”

“Something’s funny,” Ash declares. “Even Pikachu’s worried about you. Gary, what’s going on? You don’t look so good. Have you been eating? Sleeping?”

Gary pats Pikachu’s head. “You’re too nosy for your own good,” he mutters. “Just like your trainer, y���know that?”

“Pi?”

“Yeah, yeah.” He sighs. “Ash, look, I… It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? That’s all.”

“That’s not all.” Suddenly, Ash’s hands are wrapping around his wrists, pulling them toward him so face Gary’s whole body has no choice but to follow. His eyes find Ash’s and blink dumbly at him as he says, furiously, “You’re hiding something, just like you were before! What were you holding, anyway, and why are you— Why are you looking at me like that?!”

Gary opens his mouth to respond, but the words are lost as he begins to cough. And cough. And cough.

“Gary?”

He heaves until at least, the familiar sensation of flower petals tickles at the roof of his mouth. When it passes between his lips, it is whole, not wilted. A yellow zinnia, perfectly rounded, not a petal out of place.

Ash drops one of his hands to pick it up. The only indication of a problem is the streaks of blood, but he is apparently unfazed by that. His eyebrows are furrowed when he looks back up at Gary.

“Really…bad timing,” Gary manages between puffs of overexerted breaths. “It’s—”

“Hanahaki,” Ash says. “Tracey told us about it, once, a long time ago. I didn’t think I believed him.”

Gary stares at him for a moment. Ash looks back down at the flower.

“But I guess it must be real, then. Gary, I…I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

Gary recoils. Ash’s head snaps back up, eyes widening. It is only their joined hands and Gary’s frail condition that prevents him from pulling away completely.

“Let me help you,” Ash says quickly. “I—I don’t know much about it, but I get the idea. Who is it? If you need to track ‘em down, then I can help! Or—or if you don’t know how to talk to them, then I—”

He cuts off when Pikachu comes around and jumps on his lap again. If he had the wherewithal to do so, Gary would have laughed at the look the little mouse levels his trainer with.

“What?” Ash bristles. “You think you know, Pikachu? You’re kidding me.”

“Pi-pi-chu!” Pikachu points at Gary, then at the flower. And then finally at Ash. “Pikapi!”

Gary has no idea what he’s saying, but clearly Ash does. He stares at Pikachu, dumbfounded, and then looks up at Gary again. He makes a clear effort to void his face of emotion.

“You can tell me,” he says, quietly. “I won’t judge you.”

“I…” Even still, even knowing the words—it’s so hard to just be honest. Gary’s not like Ash, not even close, and they both knows it.

But Ash feels it when his hand begins to tremble. He holds on tighter and leans a little closer and says, “Hey, it’s okay. You’ve definitely done scarier things than this before. Professor Oak was tellin’ me one time—something about an Aerodactyl?”

Gary lets out a huff of air, a sad imitation of a laugh. “Of course he never saves the best stories for me to tell, does he?”

Ash smiles a bit. “He’s just proud of ya, that’s all. But still—that’s way scarier than just tellin’ someone how you feel, right?”

It’s not. It’s really, really not.

“You asked me to come here because of this, right?”

Wordlessly, Gary nods.

“It reminds me of the day you gave me back that Poké Ball,” Ash says. “And I think maybe—you were kinda nervous then, too. But the Poké Ball helped me understand your feelings, so maybe…this flower…”

“I don’t know anything about it,” Gary rasps. “Except that—except that it’s colourful. Bright. Like the person it represents.”

“Someone bright and colourful. All right. Anything else?”

He swallows back an acidic taste. Clutches Ash’s hand more tightly.

“That person was the first bright thing I saw after the worst moments of my life, so—so I guess you could say they flowers are like that because this person…makes me happy.” He makes a face at that, pointedly not looking at Ash as he says it. “I don’t know what they really mean. I just know that—in all the time we spent apart, I don’t think I even really wanted to get rid of them, because they reminded me of you.”

All at once, the pain in his sides changes into something—different. More of an ache than a sharpness. A scar rather than a wound. His free hand comes up to touch around his throat, gingerly, just waiting for something to happen, but—nothing does.

He breathes in, deeply, and out, and looks at Ash.

And it’s the same look he normally reserves for battles. He saw it on the TV, watching the Lily of the Valley Conference just days ago. It saw it in Pallet Town, outside his grandfather’s lab. He saw it at the Silver Conference.

But there’s no battle here. It’s just them, and Pikachu, who’s looking…rather smug, so far as Gary can tell. And then he doesn’t have any more time to think about it, because Ash is pulling him forward into a bone-crushing hug. Pikachu yelps, ducking away just in time to avoid be squished, but Gary is not so lucky.

Then again, as he lets himself melt into it and his eyes begin to well with tears, he’s pretty sure there’s nowhere else he’d rather be.

“You shoulda said something,” Ash mutters. “Y’know, I coulda been here way sooner than this. I wish I had been.”

Gary takes a moment to respond, only once he is sure his voice is going to cooperate. And then he says, “I didn’t want to hold you back.”

Ash pulls away, just enough so that he can look at Gary’s face. He frowns.

“You never held me back. All you ever did was push me forward.”

“This is different, though.”

“Nah, it’s not. Wherever either of us ends up, I know you’re gonna be in my corner. For a while…for a while, I wasn’t sure. But I’m sure now, and I’ll always do the same for you. C’mon, Gary. You’re my best friend. What ever made you think I couldn’t love you back?”

Gary’s breath hitches. With some effort, he manages to pull away from Ash, who just grins at him. Out of the corner of his eye, Gary sees Ash scoop up the flower, and then get up to his feet.

“How’re you feeling now?”

“It’s a little easier to breathe,” Gary admits. “But I think—it’ll take some time. It’s been like this for…a while.”

“A while,” Ash echoes. “Months?”

Gary cringes away from him. He casts his gaze desperately back out toward the lake. “Well…a little longer than that, yeah.”

“A little…” Ash steps closer and leans down in front of him, so he has no choice but to meet his eyes even if only briefly. “How long, Gary? C’mon, just tell me! Isn’t the hard part over?”

“I’m not telling you that. Shut up.”

“Please?”

“No. You’re so annoying. Let’s just go back to the professor’s lab.”

Ash pouts, clearly wanting to push the topic, but then his sympathy for Gary’s situation clearly wins out and he sighs, extending a hand down to him. “Okay, fine. Let’s go. Sure you can walk?”

Gary takes his hand, even as he glares up at him. “I’m sure.”

Even once they are both on their feet, Ash doesn’t let go of his hand. Gary doesn’t ask him to, although his face feels rather hot at the continued contact. It’s only once they start walking that he finally relaxes enough to realize, “I never said the word love.”

Ash blinks. “What?”

“You said you love me back. But I never said I love you.” Gary glances at him, then quickly averts his gaze again. He clears his throat, awkwardly. “So how’d you know?”

“You…didn’t? Huh… I dunno. I guess I just kinda always knew. I never really had to think about it.”

Gary doesn’t know what he was expecting, honestly. He just sighs and wraps his hand around Ash’s a little more tightly. In his peripherals, he sees Ash’s smile widen in response. Neither of them says anything. Eventually, there will be more Gary has to be honest about, but for now…he supposes Ash is right.

There’s no need to speak what both of them already know.

[sophieinwonderland]

Hey, as a system with schizophrenia, I really dislike your take on schizophrenia for a few reasons, I’m not here to attack you, but there is a massive problem with how many systems talk about schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders:

1. Schizophrenia is seen as rare, you say it is not, but that’s not factually true. Schizophrenia is seen as a rare disorder. 2. The reason schizophrenia is over diagnosed is not because doctors want to put patients on more drugs, this is a common conspiracy theory in anti-doctor spaces, we have personal experience of medical malpractice and being forced on schizophrenia meds, it does happen, but that is not why it’s over diagnosed. It is over diagnosed due to it being the most common label, as much as it sucks, many doctors don’t know about the schizospectrum or other psychotic disorders, schizophrenia is just a “easy” diagnosis to give. Another reason is due to things like ableism, sexism, and racism, schizophrenia like we said is seen as a “easy” label to give to certain symptoms that can overlap in plurality and other disorders, it also is heavily villainized.

3. Saying it’s to make more money for drug companies can actually be dangerous for those with psychotic disorders, many people have delusions about how their meds are evil, or doctors are out to get them specifically, it’s one we have a lot of struggles with, and directly hearing things like that made us stop taking our meds which was extremely dangerous.

Like we said we aren’t trying to attack you or anything but that kind of take can be extremely dangerous and lead to things like sanism, or anti-doctor conspiracy theories

Thanks for your offering your perspective. And I'm sorry if the post was poorly worded.

Let me say in advance that I don't want to push any type of conspiracy theory that doctors are corrupt and are intentionally misdiagnosing people for money.

While there may be rare instances of that happening, I think the larger problem is more about where we research and what we prioritize. There's an old saying that if you give somebody a hammer, then every problem looks like a nail.

And well, when we primarily invest in teaching about Schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders, doctors are more likely to see problems as being related to those.

I think we're in agreement actually about the cause. The reason is that it's an easy label to give.

But the reason the label is easy to give is because it's primarily what doctors are taught about. But the reason it's primarily taught about is because there is money in it, which encourages research into it over less-profitable disorders.

I don't think doctors are malicious. I think they're human. They just happen to be humans who have been given a hammer and see way more nails than exist.

Schizophrenia is seen as rare, you say it is not, but that’s not factually true.

In my experience anecdotally, schizophrenia isn't treated as if it's rare. Of course, maybe it just seems like it's treated as more common than it is because it's something that we're used to, as my host's father has it. So we naturally hear about it more often.

But I do notice differences in how people talk about it compared to DID, and what really exemplifies this for me is the Cleveland Clinic, which considers Schizophrenia to be somewhat common at 221 in every 100000 people. (0.221%)

Meanwhile, dissociative identity disorder isn't common with 1.5% of the population having it.

The statistics they're using suggest DID is more than 6 times as common as Schizophrenia. Yet it "isn't common" while Schizophrenia is "somewhat common."

I'll note that this is probably a low estimate for Schizophrenia and a high estimate for DID. But it's still wild to me that they use this language about which is common and which isn't based on these numbers.

[edgar-allan-possum]

"The original submission had NONE of this info and only says that the character was from China. It didn't even have his name and this guy keeps complaining that people didn't read his mind and know exactly what he was talking about. Come off it, anon."

One this ask got answered very late and should have been up a long time ago (infact i thought it already had been but i looked and couldnt find it so whatever"

Two i shouldnt have had to explain every little detail to justify myself. My ask was about the problem of people assuming everyone is christian and that was inspired by seeing someone talk about xiao practicing religion the christian way, and i used him as an example because thats what inspired the ask.

And It was vague on purpose. genshin characters get talked about often here especially xiao or zhongli. I decided that the details of who the characters were was not necessary. And it shouldn't be. Why is christianity the fucking default for you people. Why do i need to write a fucking essay in order to convince you guys that he not christian? Why would i need to do that with any character especially if they are of a different race, born with a different culture, or in a different place than where Christianity originated? The character being from a region BASED ON china should have been enough. It takes no thought to understand a fictional place based solely on a real place would also include its religions and not ones from outside.

Thats my problem. Its that everyone thinks christianity is the default and no one has ever bothered to learn about other religions on a basic level.

If a character like that is christian then they are but there are so many characters like xiao that are so far from anything christian related that it's just ignorant to assume they would be. That any religious practices they would do are automatically christian.

What pissed me off was them saying "he would be religious" and then listing off christian religious practices. Like he isnt already religious and has his own practices. They just automatically assume that what he does (or is for that matter) isnt connected to any religion and that he would by default be christian.

You can't tell me shit like that isn't ignorant or downright offensive and racist.

What made me mad was people like you trying to defend that shit and making up excuses for why a character might be christian instead of just acknowledging that yeah a lot of people just assume this shit and its a problem and understanding not everyone is christian by default.

First, I want to include your original submission.

Your point, as far as I can see based on the wording here, is that a character from a country based on China cannot possibly be Christian. China actually has a Christian population that is facing genocide from their communist government. They've been there since the Tang Dynasty in the seventh century.

Second, "people like you". I don't play Genshin, don't know this character, and had no idea what your submission was about beyond claiming Chinese people can't be Christian. I understand that you are annoyed about people not doing research into Chinese religious practices for this character, but the majority of people will fall back on what they are familiar with when coming up with headcanons. It's not racist, they just aren't familiar with other cultures' practices and may not know where to start researching them.

Third, you may not feel that you had to provide details in the original submission, but you can't then also be angry that people didn't know what you were talking about. I believe you have mentioned that Xiao is some sort of religious leader? If your submission had been about people headcanoning a character who is a devout member of a specific religion as a different one (which seems to be the actual issue), then I probably would have agreed with you somewhat, even if I still don't see it as worth getting so worked up about.

Lastly, Christianity was not founded in America. It is a Mediterranean religion.

[mserm]

Kinda obsessed with this idea of post-Endgame Steve as one of Charles and Erik's handlers during First Class. He's not Moira, and definitly not CIA, but maybe some other agency? Possibly SHIELD related? He's been investigating Shaw in case he had any connection to Red Skull and somehow ends up being a part of the group that reaches out to Charles.

At first, I couldn't find anything interesting narratively with this because Charles would know immediately he's Captain America, right? Except now I'm convinced Charles would think Steve is INSANE. It's not the Captain America thing, though in context Charles doubts that. It's the fact that when Charles reads his mind, he finds out that Steve thinks he's from the future. And that he's fought aliens. And that he thinks he's friends with the God of Thunder. And oh wait, he's been to space. And worked with a fucking talking raccoon.

This man must be crazy and somehow he has the power of the government behind him.

Steve, on the other hand, is going by an alias and has only shared his past with a few choice people, often omitting the more unbelievable details. He's tried to be open with Peggy, but once he made a joke while they were in a park about not taking the time to learn Groot when he had a chance and she regarded him with such skepticism that he's kept most of the rest to himself.

He's beyond excited to get to work with the mutants, and despite the fact that he's pretty sure there weren't mutants in his own timeline (he would know!) he believes in them with all his heart. He feels especially kindred to Charles with all his rhetoric about using his gifts to help humanity. He adores Hank and his big brain. He's compelled by Erik's single-minded determination. He throws himself into the mission to find Shaw with his own special brand of stoic enthusiasm by researching mutation and running theories past Charles and Erik whenever he sees him.

Charles, at first, ignores these theories but slowly comes to the conclusion that this man is at least somewhat intelligent. He could be useful. And then Steve's the reason no one gets hurt when Shaw attacks the CIA compound, so Charles is willing to accept this guy might actually be Captain America incognito.

(But everything else must not be true. He's still crazy. Maybe all that experimentation fried his brain.)

Charles shares his thoughts with Erik, who cares less about the insanity angle and more about the fact that this man looks like he can actually protect people. He's glad there's at least one other person who can hold his own in hand-to-hand fighting. So what if Steve thinks he's close with the king of Wakanda? At least he's useful.

After the attack, Steve supports moving the team to Westchester. He doesn't trust the CIA and well, he's partial to the idea of a rich guy giving a bunch of misfits a home. He's also a little startled to discover that the very real possibility of nuclear war sparks something in him. Not excitement, definitely not that. But something closer to clarity. It's been almost twenty years since he's faced an annihilation-level threat. He, unfortunately, feels at home under end-of-the-world pressure.

So he helps train the young mutants and discusses tactics and feels closer to people than he has since he and Peggy started to drift apart. Then he sees fault lines in the conversations and arguments about the future of mutant-kind and is overtaken by a fear that it will tear the nascent group in two. Because what Steve knows is this: someday those differences won't matter. Someday you'll have the option of staring down an annihilation-level threat and being told that you weren't there when someone needed you and if you could choose again you'd choose the former.

But Steve doesn't try to interfere. He's not naive; he knows that he can only imagine what it's like to be a mutant.

But it's hard not to project.

It isn't that he regrets his decision to go back in time. He'd do it again. He saved Bucky and ripped Hydra out of SHIELD and he's so close to finding out how Red Skull ended up in space guarding the soul stone. But it isn't until he begins to teach Raven the finer points of combat that he truly feels not alone.

He's with them when they go to Cuba. He sits next to Moira and wonders if he should have brought the shield. He hasn't used it since he came back to the past. For all intents and purposes, Captain America is supposed to be dead; yet, Steve's blood thrums through his veins like he's standing on the ruins of the Avengers Compound next to Tony and Thor.

(Charles has long since learned to ignore Steve's strange internal monologue. This man should have been a storyteller instead of a soldier.)

Steve doesn't fix it, in the end. He falters just when he could be of use because when Erik holds those missiles in his power and turns them around on the ships he thinks of Tony turning a missile around and at flying it into the sky. He wonders how he could be so wrong about someone. It's at this moment Moira picks up the gun. Steve's fast, but he's not faster than a bullet.

It still shatters Charles's spine.

They save the world, yes, but Steve will only be able to watch as Erik's sent into solitary confinement. He can't prove Erik didn't kill Kennedy. And, of course, he'll try to reach out to Charles as the school closes and he shrinks into himself, but Charles can't stand to look at Steve and only finds him marginally more tolerable when he can't hear Steve's impossible thoughts.

It isn't until Logan arrives that Charles realizes that Steve might actually be the person he thinks he is. However, Steve's halfway across the world for some unimportant reason during the events of Days of Future's Past. He's not on the plane when Charles tells Erik that he wasn't there when Charles needed him. He's not there when Erik--again--chooses his principles over Charles.

And that's fine. You can't rewrite the future in Steve's brand of time travel. You live with your choices. You try to be there when people need you and you live with the consequences when you cannot.

[marichild]

4, 9, and 17 for the fic asks >:3 🧡

*walks in* *puts on tetsu no ori* LET'S GO

be warned i am a chronic yapper I do not shut up about anything ever

4. Tell me about one of your abandoned WIPs. Why did you abandon it?

hoo boy. so, there was a sort of ambitious au I tried to write once—have you heard of twin star exorcists? I'm an anime enthusiast of it since I got pretty frustrated with where the manga was going what with the constant delays and derailing from the main point and the author not staying consistent with details, etc. that being said the anime doesn't fill a lot of gaps that should have been filled.

so while I was still pretty active in the kpop circles—which I probably will go back to soon lol when I feel less icky about the people I was beefing with—I tried to write a TSE au. while it wasn't my brightest idea to transpose a bunch of Koreans onto a Japanese setting, I also underestimated how difficult it'd be to handle all those canon details.

plus, exorcism is very heavily based on Buddhism, specifically in Japan, so I was just like. well am I prepared to potentially insult an entire faith. (research goes a long way kids! don't listen to younger mari) and I just sort of...let it falter and it doesn't even exist in my wip folder anymore </3

(it also involves a forced arranged marriage and the topic of being forced to have a kid, essentially, and I didn't want to genderbend anyone for it, so my solution was a trans man who was at least somewhat interested in having kids biologically one day, like me. once again, I didn't feel I did a very good job of it, and it was a little daunting to write it knowing that i did want at least a semi explicit scene that, once again, reflected me as a person. being a minor at the time, I let the idea go. and I was also much less confrontational at the time so I didn't think I could handle it if anyone was being weird about it lmao—which I fully can and will at this point.

that being said, I did write a fic about a trans man having a kid for a different fandom earlier this year, so I'm linking it if you're interested! very fluffy and family fun. and not explicit. though be warned, it is rpf lol)

HOWEVER!! I've actually considered picking it up again and rebranding as a soukoku au? once again, enemies to lovers, my transchuu agenda, my dazai can be any gender agenda, EXORCIST PRODIGIES, one of the characters has no idea where they came from and has a whole Bit about questioning their humanity. i.e. arahabaki parallels. there are a few gaps I'm trying to work out but it's definitely an idea haha)

ok enough yapping about that moving on

9. Are there any fics you'd love to see but don't want to write yourself? What are they?

!!! okay I really want to see. more fics about fyodor and disability. specifically related to anemia and blood. I generally don't read fyodor fics until endorsed by someone whose opinion I trust [for example, check out tell me we do not live in vain by valleykey, the Best fyozai fic Ever, or any of their fics!] because genuinely I don't trust this fandom to characterize fyodor, or any of decay of angels trio, very well half the time.

the reason I want to see more is because canonically, we know he is anemic and suffers from low blood pressure. however, I'm reluctant to write that for him because it's one thing to write like, transfems as a transmasc, there are similarities to be drawn from it, but things like anemia and chronic disability are a whole new ball game. I do not ever want to misrepresent any of that, and writing an ablebodied fyodor is just a. bit. disrespectful.

I mean I will write in his pov, of course. but I'd place him in higher stakes situations where his discomfort and pain isn't rhe sole focus so I don't have to write it in too much detail and write it all wrong. a bit of a cowardly approach maybe but until I really read a lot more that's all that's happening. unless it's like a menstrual disorder which. yeah. grimaces. but even that's inextricably tied to all his other issues, so.

17. What has been the proudest moment for you so far since you started writing?

oh boy. aside from all the times I've had authors I really admire acknowledge me and my writing, which is just. wow. its not that I think they are higher beings, but more like. if people who I admire think I am also worthy of admiration and think my fics are good. that my characters are well done....I remember the time a well-known author in the ZEROBASEONE rpf circles literally revived from her hiatus to comment on my fic!! to tell me how much she loved it. a fic that I genuinely wrote in like two hours for a member's birthday. (it continues to be my most popular fic for the fandom lmao) it was . wild. especially because I deeply admire her writing for being so introspective and critically challenging. augh.

but aside from all that,

probably the time I finished writing we were lost, looking for an answer. my last ever assassination classroom fic. I was largely out of touch with the fandom and the only reason I went through with this fic was that I promised my readers I would give it to them, and a lovely reader had left a comment about QPRs, and even a thing or two about Japanese law regarding it. writing that series, a silly series that I wrote out of frustration that my aroace-spec peers in the LGBTQIA+ community went through so much for just not adhering to the norm...well. guess who realized he's demiromantic demisexual through writing it 🤡

okay I derailed. the point of it is that by the time i done writing it I was kind of struck by how raw and real it felt, to me, and how I was proud of it. mainly because karma characterization is a tricky thing to do, in my opinion, and I'd done a pretty decent job. it also felt like an accurate representation of wanting someone who doesn't want you back like that, but wanting them close all the same. in general, it felt like a good representation of how scary and hopeless a queer teenager's life can be, especially at fifteen years old.

do I think I could have done better? yes, of course. I still think I have the drive to write it again, make an updated version. but I won't, because it was the first time in a long time that I wrote something that genuinely made me think differently about myself. I also think that it's a nice milestone marker. :)

fic ask game

[jorisjurgen]

Jurgencrepins: 1, 2, 6, 8, 9, 10, 23, 24, 28, 30, 36, 45, 47 SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY

1. What motivates your character?

Joris: Wanting to be a good person, wanting to be respected and looked up to, and, to a lesser degree, his love for Kerubim.

Atcham: Wanting to be respected, and a need to be safe and comfortable in his life. Also, protective feelings towards Joris, and at times Kerubim (though with Kerubim it's... very complicated).

Kerubim: Wanting to be loved and to feel good about himself. At times, it includes having fun, at times it includes trying to make others like him, at times it involves being popular and rich. For the past six hundred years, it has included wanting Joris and Atcham near him and safe.

2. How does the public view them? (Doesn't have to be anything major, it could be classmates, friends, strangers in the park, etc.)

Joris: If it's someone who doesn't recognize him — a child. If it's someone who does — the quiet, reliable emissary who appears when things are not going well.

In Waven times, he's a Leader, wielding justice and power. I think he has that sinister aura most leaders who position themselves as "kind and just" have, at least to people outside Bonta. A graceful, inspirational leader.

Atcham: Weird, bald, maybe sick, maybe a rat. If he's lucky and people find him attractive, it's something like "exotic looking despite his bad personality". When he's next to Kerubim and Joris, he benefits from being considered a part of their group — and gets no weird comments, but when he isn't, there's a lot of staring involved. If people recognize him as a famous warrior/assassin/adventurer, they also may not look to kindly upon him — he's known to be crazy, a wildcard.

In Waven times though, I think that besides being in charge of the economy (and probably making sure the quality of weapons and food isn't bad) he also involves himself in the army (at least in part because he is an expert on weapons, and running the economy... and war needs a good economy. that and there's a quest where, just like Joris, he mentions the bontarian spies), so people of Bonta would view him as a military figure, just like Joris. He's someone who makes sure that Bontarians are well-fed and well-defended. He's a person people would see as a leader with an iron fist and steel nerves. In a way, he is still scary to others, but it is intermixed with respect (at least from Bontarians who support their government).

Kerubim: Normal guy. To some he's a charming man, to some he might seem like a sleazy weasel. It really depends on the person. There isn't much that stands out about him, besides, perhaps, his good looks and mannerisms, and how someone looks upon him really depends. If it's someone who knows him a bit better — like knowing about his immortality, his warrior skills, he seems like a relaxed demigod that has his life together. It's also somewhat likely that they know about Joris in some way, but may not even be aware they're related. (Neither of them boasts about this fgsdgfdg.)

In Waven times, he's probably viewed as a very compassionate sort of figure, and it's not really a front. He cares a lot about people, especially the kids. But he cares about Joris more. Joris is asocial and closed-off, and the events that have transpired (the warcrimes, etc, etc) weigh deeply on him — so I think Kerubim would be the public face of the Bontarian government, running all the public events, research, etc etc. I also think that people who dislike the Bontarian government may view him as a lazy weasel or a manipulator. Some things just never change.

6. What, if anything, sticks out about their appearance?

Joris: Small. Well-dressed. Cold. Aloof.

Atcham: Hairless. Doesn't like talking to people. Annoyed. Mistrusting.

Kerubim: Fluffy. Casual. Smiling a lot. Kind of fake.

8. What are some internal obstacles that your character has to overcome?

Joris: his morals, funnily enough. Being an immortal and a politician, he will be forced to act against them again and again, and it tears him apart inside.

Atcham: Fear of future and dependence. Not like he can keep running away from Keke and Joris by Waven times.

Kerubim: The feeling that Atcham and Joris are about to begin despising him, that he's going to be left all alone.

9. What emotion does your character feel most frequently?

Joris: It depends on the year, the weather, the phase of the moon, and luck — but I think a lot of time he's feeling at least a little bit tired. As a child he was tired, as a teen he was tired, and he's been feeling some shade of tired all the time for like 6 centuries now. It's the clinical depression, your honor.

Atcham: Wary and annoyed, mostly towards strangers, and a little bit annoyed towards Keke and Joris.

Kerubim: this image, internally, 24/7, @ Joris and Atcham. At some times it's very quiet and he can ignore it, though.

10. If your character is an antagonist or something of the like, do they self-justify their actions? If so, how?

Joris: It's for Bonta, for the world at large. And it happens to benefit him and his family. If he doesn't do things, everyone will die.

Atcham: He doesn't need to. He's aware he's in the wrong and is like "i do this to cope + it's fun + idgaf."

Kerubim: It's all in name of love and family. It's all for Joris/Atcham/Lou/etc. It's all for the sake of helping other people too.

23. If your character is at a loud, people-filled party, how would they act?

Joris: Drinking non-alcoholic drinks in the corner listening to gossip that can be used as future ammo against all people present. He has never done that but he finds the thought interesting.

Atcham: Drinking and eating everything available if it's not their party. Free food.

Kerubim: it depends. He's probably chatting people up, learning gossip, but sometimes it gets so loud and fast... He's not the partying age. He gets tired. And during parties he gets weird thoughts - like how he's going to outlive all these people before him. So, sometimes he just sits outside for a whole. Feels sad. And then he comes back.

24. From childhood to their current age, how has your character changed?

Joris: He used to have hopes idk. I think age and immortality embittered him. He likes life, but he doesn't aspire to anything beyond. He has a comfortable existence. He doesn't care about people other than his family, outside of the way they are also people, and he doesn't want them to hurt. He doesn't care about politics outside not letting them get too bad. He doesn't like that about himself, but he can't help it. It feels weird whenever someone close to them dies, and Kerubim has a month worth of a grief period. When big catastrophes happen, he feels sick and can't sleep, but he can't stop and feel panic. You could probably kill the entire Wakfu cast in front of him, and he would just go "..." and be disturbed and sad quietly. Of course, there are exceptions to this — like if he feels blame for someone's death, maybe if someone saved him, he would be inconsolable, because he views himself as more expendable than mortals, because he's had a full six centuries of life, and most people barely get one.

Basically what I mean is that he is far too comfortable standing in one place and never moving. And he is far too nonchalant about death.

Atcham: He used to feel scared and ashamed a lot, but after came a drive to live and defend himself. He doesn't care about other people, and other people don't care about him. He used to be more independent, though, and if he thinks too long about having to live on his own again, without Kerubim or Joris, he feels terrified, and it's such a foreign and disturbing feeling that he pushes it down.

Kerubim: He used to treat other people with deep disregard — because he was more self-centered. With age, he began fearing this quality ruining his relationships and his life. He became more compassionate. However, he's still as scared of loneliness. Perhaps even more.

28. What emotion is the most unfamiliar to your character and how do they deal with it?

Joris: Pride for being a good person. He feels pride, obviously. He's proud about running the store, about his skills, about his fashion sense, proud about being a hero. But he hates himself as a human being, so it's difficult for him to feel like he's doing anything worthwhile for others, for Bonta. He feels like it's all useless, and when it isn't useless, he might just make things worse. He deals with this by working harder and trying to do things that truly make him proud, and sometimes it works.

Atcham: Shame and fear. He used to feel them a lot and he grew out of it. When he feels them not, it disturbs him. He only feels shame if he somehow wronged, hurt or failed Joris and Kerubim, which is bad enough. If he's feeling fear it means he's overthinking future (rare for him) or his family is in danger. He deals witb this all by trying to keep them all safe, never relaxing, and trying to be the rock that holds Keke and Joris up, when times get tough.

Kerubim: Being convinced that he is loved forever and unconditionally. He cherishes these moments. Its a quiet morning after sleeping in one bed (during adventures, or just out of loneliness, or because of other circumstances), it's an embrace, it's the way Joris cooks ravioli for the three of them, it's —-

30. Is your character hiding something from other people, if so, what?

Joris: I'm sure there are like, 30 more warcrimes he's hiding from the international community in Waven. But to be serious, he is hiding his whole ass self. He's not very proud of who he is. There's an Evil within him, you see. He can let himself loose around Kerubim and Atcham - be vulnerable, insecure, unsure — but he still feels that maybe if they knew what is going on inside his head (thought crimes), they'd never forgive him. He also hides being sad. Not in a "leaving the room to cry" way. He will straight up refuse to cry for 1-4 years at a time until he snaps and starts throwing dishes while screaming in Kerubim's direction. (After which he leaves home, goes to punch a hole in a tree, screams some more, cries a little, and comes back home with a bouquet of flowers.)

That or he just starts crying suddenly and uncontrollably in the middle of dinner and promptly leaves.

Atcham: He's jealous of the bond between Kerubim and Joris. He longs to be even closer to them - even though he is so close to them already. He feels a bit othered.

Kerubim: He still views Joris as a bit inexperienced and immature and he always will. He can't not see him that way.

36. What are the things that make your character enter a full rage/cold mode? (Depends on their character.)

Joris: Being insulted wouldn't make him rage or cold, but it would hit him hard. However, what would make him rage is someone hurting his friends and family.

Atcham: He is most dangerous when he's not in battle, so he doesn't have to be serious, and aware of his surroundings and battle technique. Because if insulted enough he Will try to strangle you with your own shoelaces in the middle of the street. Anything bad happening during a battle only makes him more concentrated.

Kerubim: Being insulted makes him mad. Unlike Atcham, he's not so overexposed to being called slurs mid-battle for it to lose it's punch. But more importantly I think if he sees Joris be hurt he will probably explode a whole building and bite you like an animal or something.

45. On a scale from 1-10, how intelligent is your character? (1 being incredibly stupid with almost no knowledge of the world, and 10 literally being Light Yagami. If you don't get it, that's on you lol; but it's basically having over 200 IQ.)

It depends for all of them.

Joris: Socially intelligent due to centuries of being involved in politics. Sort of booksmart. But,,, never plans anything and runs headfirst into traps. A solid 0 points for survivalship smarts.

Atcham: Intelligent when it's not about hair. If it's about hair, he can be scammed so easily. You could be like "i am a time travelling sufokian prince and i need some money in bitcoin to grow your hair" and he'd do it. He grows out of this by Wakfu time I think, maybe even by Dofus MMO time, so uhh 80 points of smarts for him.

Kerubim: LITERALLY the same problems with intelligence as Joris. And also, just like Joris, he tends to overthink dumb things and underthink serious things. 0!!!

47. In a group setting, what role would your character have? Leader, co-leader, follower, or outsider?

Joris: Outsider or co-leader, depending on circumstances. He doesn't speak much and avoids other people, but when it's time to make decisions, he is present, and proposing his own solutions.

Atcham: Unless forced at a gun-point not to be that, he's an outsider.

Kerubim: Leader. If he isn't the leader already, he will make himself one.

He will make himself the leader by constantly talking over the guy who thinks he's the leader. He will do a coup d'état.

SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES:

In Waven, I think Kerubim could be classified as a leader. While Joris is also a leader, I don't think the government would run without Kerubim. Atcham is a co-leader, and Joris + Kerubim are somewhere between being a co-leader and a leader.

If they are all in an adventuring party with other people, then because either Kerubim or Joris are usually leaders, they drag Atcham into being a co-leader.

[yaz-the-spaz]

I just came on here to share something of note related to my job that I felt was somewhat relavent to fandom. I don't tend to like to reveal too much about my personal life on here especially as it relates to my job since I don't necessarily want anything irl connecting back to me on here so I'll keep this very, very general but I currently work for a nonprofit that centers around a very specific subfield within an acronym of the STEM umbrella. Most of what we do involves public outreach and education on that specific field through online articles, videos, magazines/journals, and events, etc. (as well as helping fund research, grants, and mentorships/job opportunities for people in the field, particularly of underrepresented groups).

Anyways I'm saying all this to say that today I saw we'd made arrangements to pay for media training for a few of our more higher up volunteers to help prep them for media interviews and to be good brand ambassadors for our org. The training includes things like reviewing talking points and going over sample interviews and interview tips and is expected to encompass at least a couple of hours per person. We dropped well over 10k on this expense. And this is all just for a few VOLUNTEERS for a relatively small nonprofit org in a very specific subfield/subject. Like I said we're a non-profit so we're obviously not just in this for the money or the good PR it may bring, even if we do still realize that those things are integral to our success as an org. And yet we still dedicated a sizable chunk of money and time to this endeavor for people who are not even technically employed by us. I just want y'all to let that sink in for a second and think about how much the scale of that extrapolates to ppl like celebrities doing what they do on the world stage.

Imagine how much more intense and in-depth something like media training gets when you/your image is literally the brand you're acting as ambassador for, and a shit ton of ppl behind the scenes all have their own stake in your success as a brand in the particular image/version of you (accurate or not) they want portrayed. now imagine you're a young impressionable child being made to sit through potential hours of mock interviews, being drilled with questions and "appropriate" talking points and the like until the ppl in charge of you are satisfied (tbh it's not hard to see how/why rebecca ferguson described it as akin to being brainwashed), and being foisted with all that responsibility/pressure in every single thing you do or say in front of a camera. Is it any wonder that you might eventually get to a point where you just paste on a smile and say/do whatever you're told to like a wind-up robot playing along with the role you've been given even to your own detriment (liam)? Or that you might get to a point where you just stop wanting to do almost any interviews at all cause you're sick of being party to all the fakery and bullshit (z@yn)? It's two sides of the same coin but both could very much be read as a trauma response

Anyway I just needed to rant a bit cause the stuff with work brought all this to the forefront of my mind and it forever infuriates me to no end that people still don't see (or don't want to see) how much of what we're shown and/or told is fabricated in the name of staying on brand for whatever version of their image a celebrity may be trying to sell in that moment