#and I love it here I do but I still wanna get my bearings properly before I come back and start being myself again

[rinhaler]

hiiiii sorry I left so abruptly thank u to everyone who sent me sweet asks 🥺💕

[officialspec]

can you pleeeeease post your dm sexuality/gender hcs on here.... 🥺 i don't have a twitter but i wanna know. it's like a pandora's box to me now i'm like scratching at the door. let me in

heres the link 2 the thread (mild spoilers btw) ill post a transcript under the cut for ppl who dont have twitter

first off i think laios relationship to sex is super removed for like 50 reasons without even getting into his actual sexuality

he grew up in a place with very repressed ideas about sex and has a lot of fear about asserting his presence in situations

his special interest takes precedent over any social interactions he has and the level of closeness he feels towards people

he has a hard time figuring out his feelings towards other people both bc hes autistic and bc he has freaky deviantart fetishes that make sex in his mind a very abstract concept <- this one is me projecting mostly

that aside, i feel like gender-wise hes attracted to ppl so infrequently it may as well be entirely case-by-case

the idea of him being gay appeals to me from the 'raised with traditional values he Does Not fit into/hasnt begun to question it yet' perspective, i lauve characters who put a lot of stock into performing a role thats expected of them and fail miserably for unknown (gay) reasons

from his perspective tho i dont think he would ever really label himself anything. hes going to pride parades in the shirt+shorts Ally Fit to clap for his friends

hes also 'cis by indifference' imo... i love tmasc laios hcs it just doesnt mesh w his personal history to me. i do think hes got some kind of therian gender thing going on (not trans or nb but a secret third thing) but i cant see him changing anything abt his appearance/pronouns to accommodate that post-canon. hes just doin his thang

falin is in a similar boat for gender. i LOOVE tfem falin but the village repression thing has been bugging at me so i dont think i subscribe to it anymore (canon purist sorry) BUT if u hold that hc i am clapping and cheering regardless

instead i was propagandised to a while back and i LOVEEE the idea that being fused w a male dragon and the residual traits she has after being revived have given her a type of gender euphoria she didnt realise she was missing. a little boygirl swagger if u will

sexuality-wise i also dont think she would care to label herself, shes a lesbian by virtue of only being interested in One woman and zero other people. without marcille i do think shes still exclusively attracted to women, and i like to imagine she might experiment around a bit during her travels post-canon (pre-relationship). hearing abt it might put marcille on the news though

marcille is very simple That is a transfem lesbian. she cant get pregnant, shes obsessed w being femme and all that combined w her half-tallman struggles to be seen as 'properly feminine' by elf standards reads very transfeminine to Me. also her bookboy crush REEKS of comphet its not subtle

i think a more comfortable marcy might have the space to experiment w being elf butch like her manga boys but thats mainly self indulgence for me. utena could have saved her

senshi is gay his whole thing is abt not being able to perform dwarven masculinity to a proper standard (soft hearted, not as strong or rugged as his peers) which is like gaycoding 101. also hes a bear. homosexuality be damned by boy can work a grill

adding onto this i rly think senshi got some type of euphoria from being an elf in the changeling chapters. he was feeling himself so much i think he was using it as an outlet to have fun being a little fem and fruity without needing to justify it. do u understand

i dont have any particular opinions abt him gender-wise beyond that. his bulge is an essential part of his character design but i also saw a transmasc senshi a couple days ago that made me nod my head thoughtfully so i could go either way

chilchuck is cis and bisexual this is just canon. not even just his old man crush on senshi altho i do think thats very funny but they put his ass on a cover themed like hes in a dating sim with all the men and women in the cast and then slapped it in front of a chapter called "bicorn". i simply cant pass up that kind of overt signaling. its so fucking funny what else is there to say truly

izu to ME is a transmasc aroace lesbian (this one has the least basis in canon i just know it to be true) shes a little genderfluid with it nd uses he/she i think. i like to imagine she consistently uses masculine personal pronouns to refer to herself either way tho (boku, ore)

i think izutsumis gender/sexuality is entirely secondary in priorities to her body dysphoria. she has a lot of learning and acceptance 2 do before that kind of self discovery is on the docket and in my mind eschewing gender on some level is part of that. get sillay

shuro is cishet but at least he feels bad about it. next listen listen to me i dont think he would ever actually examine this but i need u to put on ur tin foil hat with me for one second. i think estrogen could have saved her. i have more thoughts on this but im not gonna propagandise too much on this post just know that im right

kabru is a transmasc bisexual this is also practically text. his whole thing of being treated like a doll by milsiril to put in pretty dresses, plus i think it would be pretty easy for him to stealth in the west since tallmen are seen as inherently more masculine than elves

(i also think changing genders is just more common for elves. theyre androgynous enough that it wouldnt be hard and like who in their right miiiiind would be the same gender for 500 years. dwarves too)

i think he started presenting as male socially in the west but didnt need to consider medical transition until he moved to a more mixed culture where other races might see him as a woman

i dont have to explain the bisexual part. have u seen him

namari is a butch bisexual this is just canon straight up. shes not transmasc but i think the default settings for dwarven women is like 4 years of T regardless. shes a hit at all the local cruising spots despite her renfaire nerdisms i know this

and just bc im thinking abt em kiki and kaka are identical and kiki is tfem :} theyre both attracted to women but kaka is a sub so i forgive him

THATS ALL 4 NOW theres a lot of characters so i cant have thoughts abt all of them at once but i hope this was good. im right about everything forever as per usual

[tunatoge]

forks and forts - aged up!m. fushiguro x reader

contents: megumi takes care of you

a/n: im in the middle of a five page paper for a class so i wanted to post a lil fluff to help me get my thoughts under control o< -< he honestly might b a lil ooc but i hope u like it n e way

you let out a happy sigh as you sink into the bathtub, nose gently kissing the suds that fill the top layer of the tub. as you gently slide back upwards, you tilt your head to your right, resting your ear on the cold porcelain of the garden tub. megumi stares at you from the bathroom door, his hair pushed up with a silly bear themed headband you’d bought him months ago. he flicks the bathroom light on and you shrink back into the lukewarm bath water, squinting as your eyes adjust. you scrunch your nose as he leans over the bathroom counter and blows out your newly purchased bath and body works candle, sending dainty tendrils of smoke into the air.

“how long are you gonna’ be in here?” megumi looks at his reflection in the mirror and squints, immediately reaching for the container of q-tips to his left.

you sigh as you sit up properly and lean over your knees, you knock your forehead into your legs before turning your head to look at him, your cheek pressed snuggly against your legs still. cold air blows against your wet skin and you shiver in the tub. you watch as megumi brings the q-tips to his cheek and presses them together on a pimple, his brows furrowed in disgust and concentration over his ministrations.

you don’t know what time it is, but you’ve an inkling it’s been over your usual hour–especially after seeing megumi come into the bathroom. he knows to leave you alone when you’ve made yourself cozy in the tub.

“i put your takeout in the oven,” he says, glancing over at you as he tosses the q-tips in the trash and washes his hands. he digs around behind the bathroom mirror for a second before pulling out acne patches and a pair of neon pink tweezers, pressing a patch onto his cheek with a shrug. “i also made a fort in the living room and put on your favorite movie… wanna join me?” he turns to you, his cheeks tinted pink at your hunched over form. he rubs at his nape as he looks at you, and his blue eyes hold admiration; the only time an active shine takes over his pretty blue eyes is when he’s looking at you. your stomach and heart do a flip in tandem and you bite back a smile. you silently thank every god you know for megumi and the way that he cares for you.

you sigh again, this time filled with giddy, child-like love, “yeah, but i need to wash my hair first…”

megumi lets out a huff, and if you hadn’t known him better you would've thought he was annoyed with you, but you know he doesn’t mean it in a mean way. especially when he immediately pads over to you and drops down to his knees next to the tub, “i can do that,” he says somewhat monotonously and you smile at him, fondness overtaking your features and a breathy ‘thank you’ on your lips.

he rolls up his sleeves and dips his hands into the bath, grunting at how cold the water is, before reaching for the bottle of strawberry scented shampoo. you watch as he flips the top open, attempting to squirt a generous amount onto his hand. the bottle makes a sound as he shakes it up and down and squeezes. you giggle at the noise.

“i’ll buy more tomorrow,” megumi says more to himself than to you and closes the bottle, satisfied with the amount squirted out into his open palm.

he sets the empty bottle down next to him to rinse it out and put it in recycling later and sets to work his lithe fingers into your hair, scratching at your scalp. you let out a hum of approval and his face warms again at the little sound.

“thank you, gumi,” you say happily as he dips a hand into the water and stands to grab the shower head.

“yeah, whatever,” he mumbles, bringing the shower head down and turning the water on. he lets you run your fingers under the faucet to approve of the temperature before pulling the little latch. “can you turn around?” he asks and you nod, shifting around in the tub so your back is to the faucet.

the spray of water against your scalp is warm as megumi runs his fingers through your hair, scratching softly against your head as he cleans the suds out of your hair. you close your eyes and hum quietly, opening your eyes briefly when megumi asks that you hold onto the shower head. you agree silently, taking it into your hand while megumi lathers your hair in a generous amount of conditioner. he runs his fingers through your hair, making sure to get all of your hair.

“thank you,” you say again when he finally takes back the shower head. he huffs out a laugh as he rinses the conditioner from your hair, lifting and lowering your hair to get it all out.

by the time he’s finished, the water in the tub is soapier than before and significantly warmer. megumi helps you out of the water, careful to make sure you don’t slip. once he’s assured you’re out of the tub safely, he reaches into the foamy water and pulls the stopper, letting the liquid drain noisily. you’re in awe with the way he moves, so smoothly next to you. he helps you dress after he wipes his soapy hands and forearm and then draws you out to the living room where his fort lays waiting.

“get comfy,” he tells you, watching as you curl up in the pile of pillows and blankets thrown on the floor. the coffee table is pressed against the far wall and megumi reassures you that he’ll put it back once the two of you are done.

megumi leaves for a moment to grab your food for you, you assume, so you look for a movie. you think you’ve seen nearly everything that any streaming service offers but you still look. in the end, megumi is going to pick—always some movie recommended to him by yuuji or gojo. it’s always something good, too.

“you find anything?” megumi asks as he sits down next to you, balancing a to-go box in his arms. you sit up and wrap your blanket around his shoulders, pulling him into you tightly.

“trade me?” you ask, pawing at your food with a blanket-wrapped hand. megumi hands you the container and takes up the tv remote, his dark blue eyes on the tv as he easily navigates to a movie. you hum in delight at the movie he puts on, the sound turning a little sour when the audio blares too loudly. megumi lowers it before you can ask.

you cozy up into megumi even further and open your to-go container, pleased to find that steam emits from the cheap chinese food inside. without having to ask, he’d microwaved your food for you.

“thank you,” you tell him around a mouthful of warm noodles, your eyes trained on him instead of the actors on screen.

megumi looks at you and the admiration comes back. he smiles small and shyly, nearly impossible to see in the dark. “anything for you,” he promises you.

you knock your knee into his under the blankets and he offers his food to you, letting you take a piece of chicken because like he said—he’d do anything for you.

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

the soaring arrow

fused with the foe, chapter two

a/n: we getting somewhere in this one... progress... and by progress, i of course mean that we are one chapter closer to when they finally get to be happy and in love.

summary: “…do you still wanna learn?”

warnings: king!steve rogers x reader, fantasy AU (monsters, but not much magic), original fantasy world, enemies to lovers, arranged marriage, slow burn, innocent!reader, violence, gore, injury, weapons, big scary dire bear, a bit of a cliffhanger of an ending to this chapter (the drama is here, it has arrived, in the majestic for of [spoiler])

word count: 4706

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Rising yet again from the plush stool, your feet carried you the short distance back around to the opposing seat. Your elbow came to rest against the edge of the small games table as you glanced down at the chequered board and your chin swiftly found your propped-up palm as a bored breath seeped from your lungs. 

As you moved one of the ivory pieces, the thoughts you’d been trying to keep at bay for weeks slipped through ever so slightly. The king hadn’t talked to you since the wedding, in fact, whenever you’d been in the same room with each other, his gaze never found you. 

You might as well have been invisible.

The arm beneath your face slowly melted down till it layed flat against the table and you let your head follow along. Slumped over, your cheek pressed against your forearm. 

Raising your gaze from your up-close perspective of the chess pieces, it fell upon the man leaning 

against the wall by the exit. Dark locks only half tied up, a crossbow was strapped to his broad back as his stormy gaze stayed low and locked on the small dagger he absentmindedly twirled and flipped in his fingers.

Letting out another sigh, you didn’t bother straightening out before you asked, “so, is this just how it’s gonna be?”

Halting his fiddling, Barnes’ eyes met yours, “pardon me, your majesty?”

“You just lurking wherever I am, is that how it’s gonna be for the rest of my life?” you lifted yourself only slightly so that both of your palms pressed into your soft cheeks to prop it up. 

“No, I’m just here till you get settled, then I’ll go back to my usual business,” the advisor stated. 

“And when will that be?”

“I don’t know, your majesty,” he sheathed the short blade at his side, “why? If it’s because you don’t care for my presence then please just say so, I won’t be offended if you’d rather have a different warden looking out for you.”

“No,” you sat up properly, “it’s not that, not at all, I just–… could I maybe go for a walk?” the question hesitantly left your lips. 

“Sure, you can,” he nodded slightly, “where do you wanna go? I could show you the Valarian Ward in town, there are lots of museums there you might like–”

“No,” you cut his offer off, “I meant if I could go for a walk on my own.”

“Oh… well, I’m not entirely sure that’s the best idea…” he uttered carefully. 

“I am your queen, aren’t I? So, can’t I just command you to let me go by myself?” you tried, blinking up at him like a little puppy, “please, Barnes.”

A low sigh then flowed from his lips as his stare raked across the floor. A moment passed before he opened his mouth again, slowly saying as his gaze stayed averted, “your majesty, I am gonna leave for a moment, I suddenly remembered that I forgot something in my chambers this morning. Please excuse me as I momentarily won’t be here watch where you go,” his eyes flicked up to meet yours, “you got that?” 

“Yes,” a bright smile stretched across your features, “I understand what you’re saying,” as you instantly shot up to your feet, “thank you, Barnes.” 

Though half regretting his choice already, he still offered you a half-hearted smile, “you’re welcome, your majesty.”

Bending down, you plucked a long-stemmed daisy and added it to the bouquet of wildflowers your left fist was tightly enclosed around. As you lifted yourself back up, your vision washed over the blossoming meadow you stood on, located on the hill directly north of the castle. From here only parts of the seaside community were perceivable, as from this angle the mountainous fortress blocked off the vast majority of Borün city, only the edges closest to the main road, like the city stables and the water mill, caught your gaze. But the farmlands that curved over the rolling hills west of the town had no obstructions in their path. The vision of golden fields as well as wide pens that housed both fuzzy brown cows and round little sheep, that blissfully soaked in the mild afternoon sun, couldn’t help but bring a smile to your lips. 

Peeking over your shoulder, the warnings of the king’s right-hand man faintly echoed in your mind as you glanced at the thick forest. Temptation had swayed your feet to carry you dangerously close to the edge. The Noll woods didn’t seem that dangerous from this angle, perhaps it was safe enough on the perimeter and it was just the dangers deep within it that they were so terrified of. So, the next thing you knew, your leisurely stride had crossed the meadow and the dark wilderness had swallowed you whole. 

Extending an arm as your feet slowly walked over the crunchy leaves and the pillowy moss clusters, you felt the cool leaves brush against your open palm, almost as if you were greeting each and every one of them as you passed. The chirping birds high up in the dense treetops sang a pleasant melody that caused a bright smile to bloom on your lips. 

You weren’t sure how long you ventured forth, deeper and deeper into the twisted forest, but eventually, a small and speckled bush caught your eye, ripe with the vibrant berries you recognised from the layered cake that you had been served for tea just a few days prior. The fabric of the long burgundy cloak you wore billowed behind you as you rushed to pluck the small fruits. A soft hum vibrated at your lips as you tasted their tart sweetness, popping them in your mouth one by one. 

Though just as your head was up in the clouds, over the moon about this little slice of paradise you had discovered, a low growl emanated from the tall shrubs just behind the berry bush. Your fingers froze in an instant and the fruits in your berry-stained palm rolled to the ground. Slowly, you raised your gaze as a giant snout pushed through the dense plants and the creature’s rotten breath fanned across your cheeks, causing your stomach to churn. 

Holding your breath, petrified with fear, you willed your feet to shuffle back at a terrifyingly slow pace. Your entire body trembled like a leaf on the wind as your eyes stayed glued on the dark animal slowly creeping into the clearing. 

A bear, though at least three times the size of any normal one, came stomping into the light. Its footsteps were heavy enough to make the forest floor quake. Long and gnarly teeth curled up over its drooping lip as viscus slobber, and what looked like blood, dripped from its gums, staining the blades of grass below with every hefty step. Nowhere on its scarred skull were something that resembled eyes, so as it sniffed loudly, your hair nearly rustling in the gust, the blind monster detected precisely where you stood.

A snarl rumbled out from its toothy maw as it clawed closer to you like a predator playing with its food just before it pounced. Eclipsing the dabbled sunlight that streamed in through the tree canopy, the massive creature blocked off any chance you had of escape. The petrifying roar it then let out caused your hands to instinctively shoot up in front of your face. 

Falling back, you collided with the thick tree trunk right behind you. Adrenaline pumped so furiously throughout your body that the tree almost felt like a pillow, as your body was so filled with terror that it didn’t let you notice any of the pain. 

Through your shielding fingers, you caught sight of a swift movement, though it wasn’t the ravaging bear before you. From out of nowhere a broad figure suddenly appeared, slipping in between you and the creature. 

Your eyes widened as you saw the king hold a shield up high, groaning from the strain as he blocked the monster’s mighty attack. Drawing a stout axe at his belt, he sliced it low, catching one of the bear’s legs and causing it to reel back enough for him to bash the shield against its snout, sending it back a few paces. The arching blows he then landed on the gnawing beast were a brutal blur to your eyes as he didn’t yield till the monster was slain and its blood stained the mossy forest floor. 

Slowly turning to face you, crimson dabbled his features and tainted his beard as he stared you down and roared, “what the hell were you thinking?” his broad chest still heaved from the battle as he took a step closer to you, “you’re not in Obelón anymore, you can’t just wander off!”

“I–… I’m sorry,” you said weakly, your eyes felt heavy as you stumbled to distance yourself from the tree trunk, “I didn’t–”

“You didn’t what?” inching closer, he sheathed his weapons, “think you’d bump into a dire bear? What if it had been something worse, huh? What then? Do you have any idea of what kind of dangers lurk in these shadows?”

Black spots dappled your vision as you just managed a faintly utter, “I’m s-sorr–,” before you collapsed. 

As the king caught you in his arms, your cloak unfurled to reveal the silks of your gown ripped and peeking out from the shreds was a grave wound on your waist. 

When you finally woke up, you weren’t in the forest any longer, but warm under the covers in your own bed.

You weren’t sure what you noticed first, the familiar surroundings or the sharp sting that throbbed at your side. Wincing silently, you pulled down the blankets and saw the clean cloths that bandaged the injury. As you carefully ran a fingertip over the dressing, a figure at the foot of the bed caught your hazy gaze. 

Slumped over on a small stool with his head resting against his folded-up arms, there sat the king, completely out cold. 

A clay pitcher of water stood on the adjacent bedside table beside a few empty cups that had a deep green tint to the glass. Carefully, as to not rouse the slumbering monarch, you reached for the jug in order to quench the thirst that scratched at your throat. As your fingertips brushed against the handle and moved it just a tad, an aching wave suddenly washed over you as the attempt stretched and disturbed your injured waist enough for you to recoil back, accidentally tugging at the decanter in the process and retroactively knocking over one of the nearby glasses.

As soon as it smashed to the stone floor, the king bolted up like he’d been struck by lightning. 

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” you rushed as you clutched your throbbing side and leaned back against the pillows, “I just wanted something to drink.”

Still groggy, he sucked in a breath as he squinted over at you in the bed, “don’t move,” his voice was deep from sleep, “I’ll get it,” and he reached over to fill up the glass that didn’t fall to its doom, “here,” handing it to you, his eyes stayed on you as you took a sip, “how are you feeling?”

Lowing the drink to your lap, you watched the water ripple gently in the glass as you uttered, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking I’d run into any monsters, I just wanted to see the forest. I’ve never been in a real forest before, so I just–… I’m sorry…”

A low sigh flowed from the king’s lips before he asked, “how are you feeling, dove? Does it hurt badly? Because I can fetch you some herbs if it does.” 

“It’s not pleasant, but I’ll manage,” as you always did. Your pain tolerance was through the roof when it had to be, “I’m sorry.”

“Would you please stop apologising?” your tense gaze finally flickered up to meet his, “I understand you wandering out on your own, I even understand you wanting to explore the forest, but what I don’t understand is why you didn’t bring a weapon with you. I know you don’t know too much about this kingdom, but you must have a basic understanding of just how dangerous it is, especially The Noll Woods. So why didn’t you bring anything to protect yourself with?”

“What?” you blinked, “I don’t own a weapon.” 

Eyes widening, his brows shot up, “you don’t?” 

“No…” you shifted lightly under his gaze, “why are you looking at me like that?” 

Leaning forward slightly, he asked, “dove, do you not know how to fight?” 

“Why would I know how to fight?” 

“Why would you–…” he echoed faintly before lowing his gaze to the blankets spread out on the canopy bed, “gods, I knew that Obelón’s high walls helped protect its people from many creatures, but I know even that doesn’t stop the citizens from knowing the basics at least. Why didn’t you ever?” he found your eyes once more, “you’re of royal birth. Why haven’t you been in lessons since you were a child?” 

Shifting your grasp around the glass, you uttered, “…my father wouldn’t let me…” your brows were still deeply knitted as you said, “I thought it was improper for fine ladies to have such skills.” 

“It’s not,” he shook his head, “trust me. Some of the best fighters I’ve ever known were fine ladies such as yourself.” 

“Really?” you couldn’t help but inch forward a bit. 

“Yeah, my mom for one taught me a lot of what I know, as well as–…” an unreadable expression briefly washed over his features as his sentence suddenly crumbled, “well, others…” 

“I always wanted to learn,” you thought back, “used to spy on my brothers when they were training, even tried to convince Callum to teach me in secret, but none of it ever worked out… my dad always found out and then he’d–…” your gaze stayed locked on the outline of your legs beneath the covers as you felt a shiver run down your spine, “I, uhm… I learned to stop doing that. Going against his rules.” 

After he helped you place the glass back beside the pitcher, the king’s deep timbre filled the chamber once more, “…do you still wanna learn?”

The gentle wind kissed your cheeks as you squinted your eyes at the circular target close to the ivy-covered outer wall of the front courtyard. Though the training area stood nestled between the warden’s barracks and the royal stables, the king’s right-hand man had ensured that there wouldn’t be as many people crowding the common area as there usually were, a gesture you’d become thankful for as the act of learning an entirely new skill was intimidating enough without having the added commotion of experts in the field directly next to you, granting you the perspective of just how green you were. 

Over countless days, bedridden in your chambers, the wound to your side had scabbed over and healed nearly completely. Though the wait was significant, it hadn’t felt that dreary, since at the first dawn you woke, the king’s presence had been exchanged for a tall stack of meticulously selected books. The majority of them were factual records about Eflorr, the land, the history, everything that had been out of your fingertips in the library of your birthplace. But occasionally in between the tomes of the kingdom were books of completely different genres. There was a wide and worn book of fables that had whimsical illustrations on each page, a pocket-sized novel counting the mystery of a fictional rogue, as well as a collection of flowery poems. 

Letting the nocked arrow fly, it didn’t pierce itself into the bullseye your eyes were boring a hole into, but instead joined the cluster lodged in the ground. 

“I am never gonna get this,” you muttered, nearly tossing the training bow from you. 

“Oh, don’t lose hope yet, your majesty,” you twisted your neck to see Barnes standing by the small, open-style stables adjacent to where you stood, petting the cheek of the black horse that stuck its head over the fence, “you’ve only been going for a few days.” 

Drawing another arrow from the quiver not yet strapped to your back, but simply resting on the small stool scooted close, you attempted once more, and though it didn’t hit the target, the arrowhead did wedge itself in between two of the stones on the wall behind it. 

“Not bad,” your body jumped at the unexpected voice, “you’re getting closer.”

Spinning around, you saw the king, arms crossed and leaning against the building directly behind you, “your majesty!” your eyes grew to the size of saucers, “h-hello.”

“You need to relax your bow arm more,” he pushed himself off of the wall and walked up to you. 

“What?” you blinked, still slightly stunned and scrambling to catch up to the fact that he was even there. 

“Here,” he stepped up behind you and a sharp breath of air filled your lungs as his touch found the limb clutching the bow, “you need to relax this arm,” his presence ghosted against your spine as his touch adjusted your appendage to the proper angle, “and lower it just a bit,” plucking up an arrow, he too nocked it for you and let his fingers linger over yours as you drew the string back tight, “use the corner of your lips as an anchor,” as the feathery fletching tickled your cheek, you could have sworn that you felt his curled knuckle shyly brush against your features as well, “and since you’re not very brawny, try and keep a bit of tension right here, it’ll help,” his hand slid down to your waist, the other palm briefly joining on the other side before he let go of you. You could feel the gentle gust of his breath on the shell of your ear as his low voice instructed you, “give it a try.”

The arrow then soared through the air and lodged itself into the outermost ring of the target, “oh my gods,” you squealed, your body victoriously wiggling at the sight, “I did it!”

“Atta girl,” he smiled at the result, and you turned your head to gaze back at him, the fact that he hadn’t shifted back yet caused a shiver to crawl up your spine, “see? I knew you could do it,” his eyes finally flickered down to yours, though when the close proximity dawned on him, only a second passed before his feet began to move, “anyways,” clearing his throat, his vision now seemed to wander over anything but you, “uhm… good job,” he offered your upper arm a small pat, “keep it up,” then turned to the high warden still off to the side, “Buck, I need you to take a look at something for me, up in the war room.”

Giving the horse one last scratch, Barnes answered his friend, “sure thing.”

“You know the king well, correct?” you asked the soldier as he walked with you down to breakfast. At this point, you’d gotten fairly used to Barnes acting as your shadow.

“You could say that,” the corners of his lips curled up in a soft smile, “my mom was a servant here at the castle, so I essentially grew up alongside him. Then as soon as I was old enough, I joined the wardens, partly just to stay at his side. So yes, I do know him well,” he nodded slowly, “I know him very well.”

Rounding the corner, you walked down a long hallway with windows facing out toward the sea all along the right wall. Motes of dust hung suspended in the morning sunbeams that spilt into the hall, perfectly still, like flakes of gold leaf trapped in resin.

Glancing over at him once more as you stepped through one of the golden rays, you slowly opened your mouth once more, “can I ask something?”

“You can ask me anything you’d like,” he met your eye. 

“Does–…” you hesitated a moment before averting your gaze to gather up the courage to utter, “does the king have someone else?”

Gently cocking his head, Barnes echoed, “someone else?”

“Does he have someone else?” you repeated, sensing heat creep up in your cheeks.

“Oh, uh,” he breathed as you reached the end of the hallway and he stretched out his arm to push open the door you’d arrived at, “no, not that I know of.”

As he opened the door to the smaller of the dining rooms for you to enter, you noticed that you’d been unconsciously gnawing at the inner part of your bottom lip till it nearly bled and you forced yourself to stop, “alright…”

When you crossed over the threshold, Barnes stayed put on the other side, though offered you a small nod before the heavy doors fell shut behind you. 

Turning to face the long table centred in the chamber, your eyes suddenly grew wide as an unexpected figure sat on the far end. 

“Good morning,” the king glanced up at you as he popped the piece of strawberry lodged on the tip of his fork into his mouth. 

“Your majesty! I–, I–…” you blinked a second, finding it impossible to get your feet to move the last few paces over to your set place, “I thought you took your breakfast up in your personal chambers.”

“Felt like a change in scenery today,” he plucked up a porcelain cup filled with steaming tea and brought it to his lips, though paused before taking a sip, “is that alright?”

“Of course, it is,” a shudder ran through you as you shook yourself out of your stupor and sat down at the table. 

A generous spread of options layed arced around your empty plate. From seasonal fruits, cut up and arranged on an oblong platter, to hearty bread, sliced and toasted, propped up for it to stay crisp, the selection never ceased to make your belly rumble in want. 

When your plate was filled up and you slowly began to pick away at it, the king’s voice suddenly echoed from the other end of the table. 

“Are you busy this afternoon?”

“Busy?” you lifted your gaze and sent it down past the short floral centrepiece to look at him, “no, your majesty, not in particular. Why do you ask?”

His elbow was propped against the edge of the table and his hand gently rested against his beard as he continued to stare at you, “I was wondering if you’d care to promenade with me.”

“I know it doesn’t look like much from this angle,” the king pointed to the dark cave entrance on the cliff that the castle stood upon, “but that emergency exit has saved countless monarchs.”

“So, the tunnel leads up to the basement?” you glanced down to the part of the coastline still a ways further down the pebbly beach.

“Yep, opens up into the wine cellar, it’s actually one of the racks that’s concealed as the door down.”

Glancing up at him as you slowly walked beside one another, an amused smile curled up on your lip, “clever.”

“Yeah, my mom thought so, she was the one who implemented it.”

The corners of your lips then dropped back down, and you waited a second before asking softly, “when did she pass?”

“A while ago now…” his vision briefly flickered down to look at the waves foam at the shore, “anyways, I’d recommend taking a guide with you if you’re gonna go exploring in the cave because it can be easy to get lost if you didn’t grow up with it as your playground.” 

“I’ll remember that,” a faint chuckle bubbled out of you.

The pebbles crunched beneath your slow stride as you made your way down the beach, closer and closer to where the fort loomed and the docks beyond flourished into the bustling city. 

After he’d bent down to pick up a smooth, dark rock, the royal then spoke in a slightly apprehensive tone, “hey, I actually wanted to talk to you about something…”

Noticing that his stride had halted, you stopped as well, “yes, your majesty?”

His gaze stayed on the small rock in his palm as he turned it a few times, “I know I haven’t exactly been the warmest towards you, I haven’t given you any solid reason to trust or even like me,” his ocean eyes then lifted to meet yours, “but we are supposed to rule together, be a team. So, I propose that we call a truce. Let’s start over and try and be friends,” his broad hand then extended. 

Clasping your fingers around his palm, you shook on it, “truce,” and a small smile bloomed as you then returned to your walk.

Your eyes didn’t stray long from him, staring at him inquisitively till he, on a glance, noticed.

“What?”

“It’s just,” you squinted over at the man walking beside you, the water gentle and calm behind him, “I don’t even really know you…”

“Well,” he breathed, as if that setback was easy enough to remedy, “what would you like to know?”

“I don’t know…” as you continued to stare at him, your fingers absentmindedly fiddled with the opalescent stone attached to the chain hanging from your neck, “tell me everything.”

“Everything?” his eyebrows raised a second before he exhaled lowly, “alright… uhm,” he then lowered his gaze as he scrambled his brain, “my favourite colour is blue. I can’t stand pears,” he began to list off, “I know I don’t look it now, but I was a very scrawny kid, sick all the time. I’m excellent at skipping rocks, actually learned how to just down there from an old family friend. What else… uh, I don’t have a lot of free time, but the little I do, I tend to either read, history in particular, as well as draw or paint, whenever I have the chance.”

“Paint?” you chuckled as that was one of the last things you thought he’d say. 

“Yes,” he nodded, “not many, but a few of my pieces are strung up around the castle.”

“I will have to keep my eye out for those, your majesty,” you smiled. 

“Oh, and please, no more of that,” he pleaded, “you shouldn’t call me your majesty any longer, we’re friends now,” he momentarily turned to toss the rock into the rippling sea, and a small ring bloomed on the surface as it delved in, “you are my wife,” the corners of his lips tugged upwards as he faced you once more, “you should call me by my name.”

“Alright, Steve,” the name felt oddly intimate on your tongue, “I’ll try my best to do better.”

As he smiled down at you, a shadow suddenly soared across the sky above both of your heads. Lifting your eyes to the clouds above, they swiftly went wide in fear as you saw the creature that flew straight towards the village. 

“Oh gods, is that a–”

“Dragon,” Steve uttered before you could. 

The winged behemoth of a beast had scales like the darkest tree bark, but in the sunlight it soared through, they shined regally like an oil spill. 

Grabbing you by the hand as warning bells rang out over the seaside community, Steve dragged you with him and he addressed the two wardens that had lingered a few paces back while you both were out, “take her inside, through the cave, stay low, away from any windows.”

“Yes, my liege,” they swiftly replied and moved to defend you, but as the king’s grasp left yours, you reached out to halt him.

“Wait!” your fingers rushed to snag your lucky charm off, “here,” and you layed the fine necklace into his open palm before finding his eyes one last time and uttering, “please don’t die.”

Closing his fist around the jewel, he offered you a grave nod before the wardens led you into the cave and the king rushed down the banks and up the algae-slick steps that led up to the harbour. 

© 2024 thyme-in-a-bubble 

[sutherlins]

I'm trying to write the last few chapters of down in the heart and instead I wrote a one shot of Carmy and Sydney and their little girl. (You don't need to read down in the heart to read this.)

If you have read DITH, this is set about 8-10 years after and is just 1k of fluffy domesticity, lol. I'll post this on ao3 under the 'down in the heart one shots' once the main fic is finished.

Carmy felt the bottom of the bed dip and then a tiny body flop between him and Sydney. A little hand pulled at his hair as she tried to find his face in the dark.

“You okay, baby?” He asked, his hand finding hers, his eyes still half closed with sleep. He searched the bottom of the bed for the blanket and pulled it over her, hugging his little girl.

She didn’t answer so he opened his eyes, letting them adjust to the dark to see her big brown eyes staring at him, her head shaking no.

“What happened?” He asked in a whisper, rubbing circles across her back as her breathing settled.

“Bad dream.” She answered quietly, like the dream might find her again if she spoke too loud.

“Oh no. You wanna tell Daddy about it?”

“I couldn’t find you or Mommy.”

“We're right here. You’re okay.” He soothed her, still able to see she was a little upset, her tiny face pulled into a grimace that looked so much like Sydney it was almost too much for Carmy to handle. “Say more?”

“We were at the park. Not our one, the big one with all the water and I couldn’t find you and there was a lot of people and I was scared.”

“I’m sorry, baby. You’re okay. We’re both right here.” Carmy reached across her, lifting his sleeping wife's arm and placing it over their baby. Sydney’s arms instinctively grabbed her tighter and pulled her close.

“Can I get a story?”

“What do you want it to be about?” He asked, knowing night time story requests ranged from stories from The Bear, to made up tales of princesses and dragons, to explaining why different flavors worked together.

“You and mommy.”

“Those are my favorite stories.” Carmy smiled at her.

“I want to hear the one when you met her.”

“The Bear was called…

“The beef!” She yelled out and then remembered the time and her sleeping mom and covered a giggle with her hand.

“Yep. And I needed to hire someone who was an amazing chef to help and your mommy applied for the job.”

With a seriousness beyond her years she nodded, she knew this story well but still liked hearing it.

“And she worked at all these fancy places but The Beef wasn’t fancy.”

“It wasn’t?”

“No, it was kinda gross.” He whispered like he was telling her a secret. “The floors were sticky.”

“Ew.”

“But your mommy still wanted to work there with me because she had a big big crush on me.”

“That’s a lie.” Sydney mumbled making the little girl and Carmy laugh.

“It’s not a lie, your mommy was like ‘Oh Chef Carmy I love you so much, Chef Carmy” He said, ignoring Sydney’s interruptions.

Their little girl giggled. “Did you have a big crush on mommy too?”

“The biggest. You know when you open the curtains on a summer day and all the sunshine comes in and you get excited for the day?”

“Yeah?”

“That’s what it felt like the first time I saw your Mommy.”

“Because she's so pretty?”

“Because she is so pretty and clever and talented and you're just like your mommy, you're pretty and clever and talented too.”

Carmy’s eyes had adjusted enough to the dark room that he could just make out Sydney smiling at him from behind their little girl.

‘I love you so much, Chef Carmy.’ She mouthed at him, making him laugh, and she’d bet if she could see him properly, blush.

“Do you feel better baby?” Sydney asked, kissing her little girl on the cheek and hugging her tighter.

“I’m not scared any more but…”

“But?”

“Can I still stay in here?”

“Of course you can.” Carmy answered, closing his eyes again, the room settling into silence.

“Am I going to have a brother?” She asked after a few minutes of sleepy quiet.

“Uhh, we don’t know baby, Mommy isn’t pregnant right now.”

“I know.” She said, like he was the silly one. “She doesn’t have a bump like Auntie Nat.”

“Do you want a brother?” Sydney asked, the conversation of a second child being one her and Carmy had been discussing more and more lately.

“I don’t know, Gia says they are stinky and I asked Auntie Nat if that was true and she said her brother was the stinkiest boy in the entire world but she loved him.”

“Auntie Nat is the stinky one.” Carmy laughed.

“No! She isn’t stinky, she smells pretty. Who's Auntie Nat’s brother?”

“Me.”

That made their little girl laugh, hard. “No, she isn’t.” She laughed some more, like his joke was the funniest thing she had ever heard. “She’s my auntie.”

“Sweetheart, she’s your auntie because she’s my sister.”

“Oooh, oooh, so she called you stinky?”

“She did.” Carmy replied, making her laugh even harder, realizing now what her auntie had said.

“So if Auntie Nat is your sister, does that mean Uncle Richie is your brother, Mommy?”

“No, baby.” Sydney laughed. “Uncle Richie is Daddy and Auntie Nat’s cousin, the same way Eva, Gia, Junior and the baby in Auntie Nat’s tummy are your cousins.”

“Oh… okay.”

“And Uncle Pete is married to Auntie Nat.” Carmy explained further.

“What about Auntie T?”

“Baby, sometimes family isn’t about how we are related. Family is just a bunch of people who love each other, sometimes the people you are related to aren’t nice so they don’t get to stay your family.” Sydney explained.

“Like your mommy and daddy?” She asked Carmy, her voice soft and empathetic her tiny hand on his face.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry your mommy and daddy weren’t nice. I can share mine with you. They are the best.”

“Thank you, sweetheart.” he laughed. “I have everything I need right here.”

“Pop says your mommy doesn’t deserve you.”

“He did?” Carmy was surprised, and based on the look on Sydney’s face, she was too.

“Uh huh." She started to twirl the curl hanging across his forehead in her hand, her voice getting more sleepy by the minute. “I asked him why my friends have 2 pops and why I don’t have any grandmas and he said mommy’s mommy was sick but he knew she loved me from the sky and daddy’s mom was a real bad word that he couldn’t say.”

“She is.” Sydney whispered, “She’s the baddest of the bad words.”

The little girl giggled and then turned serious. “Can I meet her?”

“No.” They said in unison.

“My mother will never meet you because she is not a nice lady.”

“Is she like the lady at the park that chased the pigeons and said the f word to the man on the bike?”

“She's like that times a bazillion.” Sydney said, making her little girl laugh some more.

“I don’t think I want to meet her then.” Her eyes widening like the idea was crazy, making Carmy smile. “Does Eva or Gia or Junior get to see her?”

“Nope.”

“Okay.” She said, her cousins not having a relationship being enough to make her not want one. She yawned wide, digging her face deeper into Carmy’s chest.

“Love you.” Sydney whispered to him.

“Love you too.”

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Saturday lovely fandom. We’ve reached the seminal episode of their secret dating period. This ep doesn’t need much of an intro. Just lots of goodies and an ending that still makes me blush... I fit everything I could gif wise ha Let’s get started.

5x12 Death Notice

We start off with Lucy and Tamara and I’m so glad we do. This scene is perfection. Tamara is testing the waters with her. Saying she was surprised Lucy was here....I have a feeling Lucy been out a ton since she started dating Tim. Love this. Tamara giving her crap saying she stayed up till 1am and she wasn’t here. Lucy trying to brush it off saying they must missed each other that’s all. That trivia ran late for her. Tamara can’t do it anymore. Calling her pseudo mom’s bluff. Straight up telling her she saw Tim drop her off. HA I wonder what she saw? Must’ve seen her kiss him good night.

Which makes me all giddy inside. Lucy gets so excited and drops her bag. Exclaiming 'Thank god.' Telling her she’s so sick of cover stories. Tamara asking why they’re being so secretive? Lucy explaining they’re figuring things out. I love Tamara being a facilitator for them. Saying she can do whatever they need for alone time. Lucy tells her they’re not sleeping together. It’s the way the music stops in this scene that kills me after she says this. Tamara is then the fandom and says ‘Why not?’ Lucy tells her they’re taking it slow. They want to do this right.

Tamara follow ups are perfect. Asking her if she’s not sure how she feels? Lucy saying she knows exactly how she feels. ‘The most amazing relationship she’s been in since ever. ’my heart. Tamara’s questions her again and says ‘ So....You’re waiting why?’ Haha Tamara is out here trying to get Lucy laid LOL I love it sfm. I think Lucy knew once they started they wouldn’t stop. Kinda like the Pringles slogan. ‘Once you pop you can’t stop.’ Heh Once they started she knew they wouldn’t be stopping...

Lucy finds Tim immediately at work after her convo with Tamara. Gah these two could not be more obvious in their stupid happy smiles. Sure no one has seen Tim smile like he does with her. What happens when you're properly loved. I love the way Lucy gravitates towards him when she finds him. How he instantly gets as close to her as possible. Nary an inch between them. Smooth you two. They are radiating sunshine and happiness and they haven’t even slept together yet. That’s how well it’s going for them and I’m dying with glee.

I could write an entire essay on how much I love the secret handholding/touching portion of this scene. It was a must to get a really good gif of this. Lucy’s finger touching him as they walk. Because she can’t help herself. Has to be in constant contact with him. Moth to flame. Tim returning the favor with tapping his fingers on her thigh. The most telling smile on his face as he does this. Such small gesture between them is sending into a squee spiral haha

Tim feeling cheeky as he taps on her thigh. Not only taps it but does it TWICE. He did it twice everyone. It was double tap. One wasn't enough for him. *squee* The man loves her thighs and we love him for it. Saw a post said ‘When you’re at work and wanna hold hands. But you’re at work.’ Ha These sneaky little touches sent me into a damn tizzy. We're two minutes into this episode and they're already killing me. Lucy tells him 'Tonight is the night.' Clearly her talk with Tamara bearing some good fruit for Tim LOL She is ready to go after that convo.

Tim tries to contain his excitement when she tells him it’s go time. Asking her his place or hers? Jealous dog or nosy roommate? ha. This brings up Tamara and her knowing about them. Tim isn’t mad so much as shocked she told her. Lucy having the best reply. ‘She has eyes.’ LMFAO So does everyone else in their world….The world worst kept secret these two my god. I mean it's not like you guys are all that subtle my love. Lucy cheers him up saying she’ll be at a friends tonight though….Tim perking right back up. Looking at the smile on that man above. He is very excited about tonight being the night.

Grey interrupts the heart eye nation they have going on. They jump a little ha Forgetting they're at friggin work. They were being all happy and cute as Grey walks up. The man knew already but seeing them like this? All flirty, smiley and happy. It was all the confirmation he needed. He asks them to ride together today. Aaron is going to be with Harper. This time not a peep out of them unlike in 5x08. Another telling sign tbh… Lucy mentions this is going to be awkward.

Tim being Tim saying it’s fine. They’ve done this hundreds of times together. It’s not big deal. Lucy tells him yes but never as a couple though. Tim once again not seeing the problem she so obviously sees. Saying on the streets they won’t be. Ok babe… You weren’t great about hiding your feelings when you weren't together. But sure not that you’re together that wouldn't be amplified at all... I love Lucy opening the door for him. Then teasing him in the most flirtatious way. Asking if he won’t be thinking about tonight at all?

A night I’m sure he’s thought about a million times since they got together. (If not a little bit before too) Being flirty right back saying ‘Not at all..’ idk what I love more Lucy checking out his fine ass Or Tim saying thank you to her opening the door. Ok well obviously it’s Lucy blatantly checking him out. Shooting back ‘ Me neither.’ Ha sure... Not that I blame her. I mean my god look at him. Tight jeans a a henley? You check him out Lucy. Mmm. Although I do love him saying 'Thank you' for her opening the door it's adorable LOL It’s a close second. Heh

We join them getting their shop ready for the day. Lucy saying she could fein food poisoning. Tim seems offended by this idea. Saying she would do that just to get out riding with him? Lucy says yeah with no regrets. Ha Wanting to avoid the weirdness of them having to ride together Tim telling her she’s overthinking this. Then says the most hysterical lie of all.

‘We leave our personal life at the door. Just like always.’ Uh when has that ever happened Timothy? Some of your most intimate and bonding moments have happened in your shop and on patrol but ok. I love Lucy calling herself his Girlfriend. be still my heart. Just out in the open like that. Tim isn't contesting this fact one bit either.

Never be over how ready she is with Tim for everything. Her commitment issues flew out the window when they got together. Makes my heart so happy it might implode. Couldn’t stand the idea with Chris after months. Few weeks with Tim and she’s all about labeling herself as his Girlfriend. Eeeeee. Tim simply says ‘Yeah.’ To her statement though. Trying not to seem phased. Oh my boy.

The absolute sass in this scene from her is glorious. Trying so hard to prove her point and Tim isn’t listening to her. Lucy does the cutest little dance with her duty belt. Seeing if he’ll notice the mistake she purposely made. He doesn’t…Sharp hard ass Tim Has left the building. Super in love puppy Tim has taken the wheel. Tim is floored she did this on purpose.

Telling her she doesn’t do Tim Tests. He does them. Lucy is on her game today and doesn’t let that hold her back. Saying it’s not a Tim Test. It’s a 'Lucy Lesson' hehe. I adore her touching his arm and saying he’s taking it easy on her. I mean he is….He just doesn’t want to see it. Doesn’t want to admit something has shifted between them. Lucy points out their dynamic has changed and they’re not even on the street yet.

I love her being so damn cheeky with him. Tim is getting antsy af tells her to just get in the car. Done with this convo now. Lucy with her sassy fully sharpened says ‘It’s a shop.’ Taking us all the back to the Pilot. Where that Tim would be appalled at this one LMFAO. The look he gives her I’m dying. Remember when one look used to send her into a tailspin? Now she owns this man in front of her. LOL Tim is so done with her antics and yet impressed with her sass at same time. No words left just points for her to get in car. heh

I love them coming back from getting coffee together. Mini date on the job. Lucy is all about the touching today. I'm here for it. Touching his arm to get him to stop. Lucy asks if he’s noticed? Tim says of course he noticed. She’s carrying her coffee in her gun hand. Forgetting all about the time he destroyed her in 2x19 over the same thing. Oh my Timothy so blinded by love my dear.

Telling her these ‘Lucy Lessons’ are pointless. Oh but they’re not and you’ll find out the hard way later… Lucy is shocked he doesn’t see how he’s treating her differently. Tim trying to pass it off as her not being a rookie anymore. She can do whatever she wants now. Mmmhmmm… Then the biggest lie of all comes out his beautiful mouth. Saying he would give Aaron the same leeway. This isn't about them.

Lying liar. It’s so cute though he’s just so in love with her and refuses to see reason about this. Just happy to get to spend a work day with his girl. Also this has been the case for years now. It’s just massively amplified cause he’s in love with her now. Lucy never has nor will she ever be just another cop to him. I adore Lucy’s ‘Mm…’ Knowing he’s full of actual crap here. Hehe

Tim and Lucy are citing our their arrest together. The guy looks through his bag and says his earrings are missing. Asking if Lucy took them? We watch Tim get defensive and looks like he wants to deck the guy. Lucy tells him she didn’t take them. Tim steps in and says they’ll call him when they find them. Basically being like back off my girl right now.

Lucy playing Tim like an absolute fiddle in this moment. Saying she didn’t take them. Tim knowing this and telling her as such. Saying these things happen. Tim ‘Rules matter’ Bradford saying 'These things happen.' Lucy not letting him give her a pass. Saying they don't happen to her. Then bringing it back to them. Telling him she’s been so focused on them and tonight. Wondering did she screw up? Tim looking as lost for words as I’ve ever seen him.

Tim is frantically checking their shop for the earrings. The man is in an absolute panic about this. Lucy is watching him as he desperately searches for these bloody earrings. Lucy tells them they’ve checked everywhere at this point. Tim refusing to give up on finding them. Lucy saying he needs to report this now. Tim won’t do it. Telling her they’re not there yet… Lucy asks how long he has?

He explains it’s up to his discretion on these things. If they find them no need for paperwork. Lucy reminds him if they don’t he will have to report her to IA. He looks gutted at the thought of that. Won’t even entertain the thought. Instead says they can see if janitorial swept them up. Oh Timothy a man of principles and contradictions for those he loves. 2x01 Tim would floored by his actions. Trying to leave info out of a report for her. Which I just love tbh.

Lucy comes home looks exhausted and slightly defeated. Tamara is in a panic and says she is almost out of there. Lucy tells her not to worry they canceled their date…Saying today revealed all the issues with dating your boss. Tamara asks if they’re gonna break up? Lucy is SO firm In her reply. Telling her 'No they’ll figure it out.' instantly. Tamara can’t help herself and asks how? Lucy isn't too sure yet. All she is sure of is they're not breaking up. That's a non starter.

Tim shows up at their door. Tamara answers and tells Lucy her 'Boyfriend is here.' hehe Tim’s face is hilarious. He's so cute hands in his pockets as he waits to be let in. Tamara smugly telling him she figured it out. Wanting Tim to be a little proud of her. He is and tells her 'He has no doubt.' when she says she would be a good detective. Lucy appears and says she thought they canceled? That is the face of a man who didn’t think they did. LOL So sassy when he says ‘Uh we didn’t.’ ha

I love the hug she greets him with. My damn heart. He fully expected to be spending time with his girl tonight. Sex or not. When they pull away Tamara is just awkwardly standing there smiling at them. Kinda like us as the fandom when we watch them have scenes haha I think she wants to hear the tea between them. Then quickly realizes they want some alone time and ducks off to her room. Oh Tamara I love you. I think she's just really excited for Lucy. Knowing this one is the real deal.

Tim tries to come up with a new excuse why they couldn’t find the earrings. Saying maybe they thought it was for a female officer. That they put them in the locker room. Lucy shoots that down instantly. Saying she already checked. That he HAS to report this now. Tim looks so damn defeated when he agrees with her. Knowing she isn’t wrong. Lucy noting that if it had been Aaron he would’ve done it already. Tim sighs deeply replying he knows. But it’s not Aaron. 'It’s YOU.' Gah getting me right in the feels Timothy. Two words meaning so very much.

Tim has it so bad for her he was completely blind to favoring her. To treating her differently. She’s the exception always has been always will be. But more so now. I love how transparent he is in this moment. Telling her exactly what’s happened. Because he gets to now. He doesn’t have to hide the fact that he cares about her anymore. Makes my heart happy. Lucy follows it up with ‘You can’t be objective when it comes to me right?’ Tim just sadly shakes his head no. I love her ‘Mm-hmm.’ Like there we go my love. You're getting it.

Then she brings it home saying 'Thus endeth the Lucy lesson.' The student has become the master ha I remember being absolutely floored by her. In awe really. What a brilliant way to bring her point home. Tim too is floored by this. Lucy is feeling pretty damn proud of herself. I love her putting her chin on her fist. Staring at him with heart eyes. So confident. Tim telling her it was impressive but evil. Lucy says she knows but he wasn’t facing the problem. Tim looking defeated again saying 'Well now he is. So what do they do?'

This next scene just shows why Lucy is his person. They say the only have two options. Break up or one of them leaves Mid-Wilshire. I love how Lucy doesn’t even contemplate a breakup. That's not on table. Just says it should be her. Tim fighting her on it saying no she she loves it here. Lucy REFUSES to let him take a demotion for her. Tim tries to fight her but she won’t let him. Flat out won’t have it. Of course she did her research on this for them.

Checking see if there another version of his job in the division. I just love them having this conversation together. So opposite of what he had with Ashley. Lucy is including him in her future. Even if that means she has to leave. If that's what they need then that’s what going to happen. Especially if she gets to keep their relationship. Gah I love this scene so much.

What a huge upgrade for Tim. To have someone willing to sacrifice for him. Not something he’s ever had or been used to. She was willing to take a leap elsewhere just for him. He’s finally in a relationship with someone who is gonna fight for him and them as a couple. Put him first. Which he also has never had. I love it so much. It's making me emotional. My damn heart. This episode it’s a friggin dream to watch.

They return to the station and Tim tells her good job today. Just handing out compliments. I adore it. She has more than earned it. Lucy reciprocates. I love her pulling the lint off his uniform. Such a wifey move honestly. It truly is such an intimate thing to do. There’s that great line from New girl from Cece. ‘Picking lint of a man’s sleeve is the most intimate gesture.’ It’s perfection. Lucy legitimately can’t keep her hands off him in this episode.

I love how Tim looks down where she’s touched him. *heart clutch* It’s the little things that get me so much. Tim makes a joke they’re not partners on the job. Her sweet little shove and his in love smile. These two gonna be the death of me in the best way. It's killing her that they won’t be seeing each other every day. They're breaking up their professional relationship for their personal one to thrive. Tim agrees and doesn't like the idea either. Says that’s even if their shifts sync up.

Lucy seems so damn saddened by this idea. She didn’t even think of that…Saying 'By doing the right thing they’re gonna see less of each other?' Tim replying probably yeah… I adore Lucy’s little whine ‘No…’ She sighs and says she will put her transfer paperwork in tomorrow. Even despite that she's still willing to do this. Tim looks devastated by how sad she is. Won’t even let her takes the kit bags. The sweet smile she gives him. Knowing exactly what this gesture means. (Wish could've fit this part in.) How far we’ve come everyone how far we’ve come.

Tim comes to see Grey. Says he needs to talk to him bout something he’s been hiding from him. Tim lets Grey know he and Lucy have been dating for a few weeks. Wade sighs and says he suspected as much. I mean we all knew the man knew. He wasn’t going to say anything until Tim was ready to. I love that. Tim letting him know they needed time to figure out their feelings. Grey assuming it’s serious then since they're having this convo. I love the zero hesitation from Tim in reply to this.

That man couldn’t be more all in if he tried. Telling Wade with serious conviction 'It is.' This woman is it for him. His endgame and he will do whatever it takes to be with her. One of my fav Chenford scenes without Lucy even being present. It’s just shows how serious Tim is about her. About them. I’m getting emotional writing this up. He so deserves a partner like her. He saw the sacrifices she was going to make for him. For them. Never had that in his life in a relationship.

So instead of letting her take the bullet for him. He dives in front of her and takes it himself. Knowing she would’ve done it for him. But he would rather be the one to take the hit for her. Gah it’s so romantic. Asking for a position at the station he doesn’t care what. She is so worth any position in his mind. Grey telling him it’s not great. Tim doesn’t care as long as it keeps him with her. He will take it. Doesn't matter what it is.

We switch to Lucy making a romantic dinner for Tim. Love this btw. Lucy is talking about which division she wants to move to. Tim tells her it’s not necessary. That he talked to Grey and she’s looking at the new 'Court Liaison Sergeant.' Lucy stops dead in her tracks stumbling on her words. Almost stunned into silence. Replying 'That’s a desk job…' Tim is beaming. 'Yeah out of your chain of command.' He is so proud of himself for this solution. So happy and willing to take a desk job for her.

Man is so in love with her. This decision is so significant on so many levels. Lucy even though immensely grateful for this solution pushes against it. Telling him he will bored out of his mind. Tim is on it though. Saying doesn’t matter to him. His objective was to stay close to her. He achieved that. Not only that but for her not to sacrifice her career for him in the process. A desk job is nothing compared to getting to be with her at work.

Gah so damn romantic. Look at our boy. Tim explaining they’ll get to see each other every day this way. Also she won’t have to travel to some far away station. Be treated like a rookie. Have to do midnight shifts because of it. He couldn't stand that fate for her. He loved her for wanting to do it for him. That was the key factor here. That she was willing to do that for him. She put him first. Meant everything.

Lucy is in awe of this man right now. That OTP line of 'Some things matter more.' Resonates so much in this season. This is also hitting on another from 5x08. Letting Lucy know without a doubt she is worth the effort for him. This man who wouldn’t leave patrol for anyone, wouldn’t uproot for Rachel to NY or walk away from being a cop for Ashley. Lucy once again being the exception. For her he would do all those things listed above and more. Hell he just did.

He walked away from patrol. Something he’s said for years he would never leave. Loved it too much. Then he fell in love with Lucy Chen and all that changed for him. His perspective shifted and she became far more important than anything else in his world. Because she became his world. This is so beautifully romantic I can’t stand it. Lucy wants to fight him some more but Tim cuts her off. Telling her it’s a done deal. There is no use in arguing about it. He’s so sure of his decision. So happy to take this bullet for them. it’s so sexy if you ask me.

It’s then the tone shifts. Lucy goes from argumentative to turned on let’s be honest. This man just sacrificed a career he absolutely loves just to stay near her. So they could see each other every day at work. She is very seductive as she leans in for a kiss. Silkily replying 'But we're so good at arguing.' I.e. foreplay for them really. Revving both their engines in this moment.

Gah I love the way she places her hand on his shoulders. Just plants one right on him. She is done talking. Done arguing. Just wants to be with him. I’ll forever love him chasing her lips for a second taste when they kiss. He does that a lot and I really love it. Always wanting more. Chasing the high that is her lips never having enough. Needing that second kiss. The way he raises himself up to full height and gets that second kiss. Replying 'I know.' *phew lord.*

That lovely height difference coming into play above. Tim being much smoother in his lines for this moment than he was in 5x10 with ‘naked time.’ Saying he is hoping they’re good at certain other things as well. Being seductive in his own right. Trying to be sly about sexy times. There was no doubt in ANYONES mind these two were gonna be glorious at it. Not one. I adore her hands moving down his chest as he talks. He is just revving her up in this moment. She can't take her eyes off him.

The way he is looking at her my god. He’s wanted this forever. They both have. But hot damn this man has man has been patient. Lucy following it up with a super smooth line of her own. Asking him if he wants to find out right now? I remember thinking is this real life? It’s the way they’re swaying and Tim’s huge ear to ear smile. Oh my lord. His smile is going to be the actual death of me. Happiness looks really good on you Tim. He is the epitome of love and happiness in this moment. That man is deliriously in love and it’s all over this beautiful face.

Lucy isn’t pulling any punches with her massive heart eyes either. Her eyes zeroing in on his glorious lips. Looking just as happy and in love as Tim. Almost a fiery look to her heart eyes in that first gif. Like she is so very ready to have her way with this man. Eager to break this slow down of their's right now. Gah then the hotness really ensues after this.

I feel like I need ice water and a spicy fic involving this moment after I watch this ahha (I highly recommend this one btw.) Lucy is unbuttoning his shirt as he leans in for a sensual kiss. Needing a head start on getting that man shirtless. It’s the forehead touch and the way that kiss heats up quickly. Also looks at the smiles on these two as he leans into kiss her breathless. *internal screaming* How gently his hand is coming up to cup her face and jaw.

His hands don't make the full journey due to Lucy's eagerness with his shirt. Ripping it off in record time. Never seen a shirt ripped off so quickly. She wasn’t messing around at this point. Her little moan as she rids him of hit. Oh my lord. Tim understood the assignment and came prepped with that shirt. Those snap buttons coming in clutch at this moment. Lucy is so ready to have this man. Years of UST coming to an end in this moment. It’s glorious. Never be over her urgency to get him out of that shirt as soon as she possibly could. I do not blame her. Lucy looking down at her handiwork when he breaks their kiss for a moment to look at him and all his glory.

I welcome shirtless Tim back to our screens. Hello biceps and deliciously toned chest. We missed you. Let's not forget the jawline we could cut glass on. Phew Lord. Also look at how effortlessly he rids himself of his sleeves. Not breaking eye contact whatsoever as he pulls himself free. *fans self* Forever love Lucy checking him out as he sheds himself of his shirt. Finally getting to and not having to hide how attracted she is to this man. Lucy is so very ready to have this beautiful man in her bed. Not hiding checking him out in the least.

Her fingers are just hanging out in front of his jeans with a tight grip. Keeping this man as close to her as possible. Fingers dancing on his insane abs that she can now enjoy and touch. Once Tim is rid of the shirt he is on her like white on rice. Lord have mercy. Encasing her face in his hands and basically devouring her with his lips. hot damn. Lucy is so giddy as he has his way with her. Look at her smile. More than willing to be at his mercy.

I love that he’s so gentle In cradling her jaw but so fiery in his kisses. I had been waiting years for this moment. Actual years ha Rookie day one girl here. Her checking him out and smiling into this hot kiss is one of the best parts. It’s almost like she can’t believe this is finally happening. She too is deliriously happy. Her hands are also encasing him once he rejoins their kiss. Gah it’s the way she has one behind his head drawing him to her. The other running up and down his beautiful back.

Tim is literally kissing the life out of her and Lucy is here for it. She is putty in his hands. Just having his way with her in this sexy make out. It’s the swaying, the touching and how he can’t keeps his hands off her face. Getting as close to her as he can in this moment. Lucy’s hands roaming up and down his back. Eventually landing on his hips. Finding purchase there. Her mission to also not let him get far from her.

Good god this scene is sexy and I love it so damn much. I still can’t believe we got it. Over a year later and this scene still has me in shambles when I watch it. That we got this heavy make out session with him shirtless. Lucy running her hands all over him like she can't get enough. She is very thirsty and he is a giant glass of ice cold water. Getting to see all the scars and such on his back was a nice bonus I have to say. Mmm. Yum.

I adore her giggling as he starts to move them towards her bedroom. She is on cloud 9 and straight up euphoric right now. The high of endorphins she’s feeling in this moment are spilling out. Coming out in excited giggles as Tim takes over. Literally pushing her against a door frame to have his way with her more. lord. Pushes her up against that wall and continues to kiss her passionately. It’s the sexy thud as their collective body weight hits the wall. His hand bracing their impact somewhat. My god.

He is so determined in his movements in this moment. What’s that song 'Wild horses couldn’t drag me away?' Nothing was keeping Tim from her in this moment. Such certainty in how he moves them towards the door frame. Lucy is holding on for dear life to his hips as moves them toward the wall. I’ll never be over his hand cushioning her head. He’s so lost in this moment but makes sure she doesn’t get hurt.

Even in this moment where they’re both lost in this passionate make out he’s her protector. Something so damn soft and adorable about this gesture. Lucy is in no frame of mind to care about her head in this moment. Lost in his lips and touch. Straight smiling to death as Tim Bradford has his way with her. Hands caught up in her hair as he kisses her as if his life depends on it. Definition of passionate embrace. Legit fireworks for them both as they continues this spicy make out.

They take a beat once they’ve reached the door frame. Making out some more against it. Tim has her firmly pressed against it. We can see he has an intense hold on her face as he continues to kiss her breathless. Lucy clinging to him like he’s a damn life raft. Moving one her hands up to the back of his head. While the other stays planted on his hip. Tim deciding it's time to move to her bed and walks them back not breaking their kiss at all. Who needs air right? Sweet lord.

It’s the cute giggles as he basically slams the door with her back. We see her curls pressed up again the door. My god. They’re about to find out how really good they are at this. Amazing her bed survives this honestly LOL I can’t count the number of times rewatched this scene including watching this time around.

Good lord that scene is most romantic and yet the sexiest scene ever at the same time. The entire episode is one beautiful thank you to the fans for waiting. Every moment building on the last till we get to this final moment. A moment where we’re all a puddle of shippy goo haha Oh my lord that was fun to write although nerve wracking considering the enormity of it. Such a damn good ep I cannot. I need some ice water any one else?

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

Oscar always hilarious. Love when he comes on.

That’s it really hahah my brain gets taken over by Chenford in this one.

Forever thanks to those who read, like, moment and reblog these reviews. Makes all the effort so very worth it. I shall see you all in 5x13

[bezierballad]

I know it’s been kind of a while since I posted about my Black Butler Dadbastian Maleficent AU (damn that’s a fucking mouthful lmao) so I’ve been brainstorming a little narrative that sets up the story events.

Here’s what I came up with (as I always say when making shit like this, bear with me lmao)

Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom (or some shit) there was a young peasant.

Vincent was a very poor young fellow, living alone in very poor conditions, spending what little money he has just to buy barely enough food for himself.

One fateful day however, he made a contract with a demon.

The demon called himself Sebastian (or maybe Vincent named him that idfk) and he made the offer of whatever Vincent wanted in exchange for his soul.

Vincent told him that he wanted a wealthy life where he’d have a high level of status and power.

It was established in the contract that when Vincent was at the peak of wealth and power, Sebastian would take his soul.

And so time passes, and eventually Vincent is king, with a castle and a wife and loyal servants and subjects

Now here’s where things kinda get shaky (both in-universe and out, like I’m kinda struggling to think how this story would play out properly)

Sebastian shows up looking for the soul Vincent promised.

Vincent is freaking out like, “No wait please let’s discuss this further” cause like he doesn’t wanna die, not now-

Sebastian’s like “Fine. You wanna live? I’ll give you an alternative” and he makes an offer.

Either Vincent let him have his soul now, or he offers the soul of his then-infant son, Ciel.

It would be stated that once Ciel turns thirteen, his soul would descend into Hell.

Vincent, not knowing what else to do, very hesitantly agrees to the latter.

Sebastian’s like “Very well, I look forward to that day” and disappears into nothingness (if anything he’s pissed off that he has to wait thirteen more fucking years to get a damn soul)

Vincent’s like “oh shit oh shit I fucked up BAD what do I do”

So goes to this fairy (or fairies I dunno) like “please help me”

So uh

You know how in the original Disney sleeping beauty film

The curse was originally “Aurora will die if she pricked her finger on the spinning wheel”

But one of the fairies sort of “waters down” the curse so Aurora would fall into a deep sleep instead of dying? (And she’d be awakened with true love’s kiss and shit)

A similar thing is happening here:

So like the fairy (let’s pretend that Tanaka’s in this role because why the fuck not) he’s like “Okay here’s what I can do”

Instead of descending into Hell, Ciel’s soul would only leave his body and maybe enter a state of limbo or something. (Ciel himself would enter a state of some sort of “suspended animation” one would say.)

As for how to fix it? “True love.”

(Audience note that he doesn’t say “True Love’s Kiss” just true love. Just a bit of foreshadowing that he's not actually talking about romantic love like the characters think)

Idk how logic would play into this shit just

It’s a fairytale world just go with it okay

So just like the film, Ciel is sent off with these three... fairies? Servants?

Okay I know I said the Phantomhive servants (Finny, Mey-Rin, and Baldroy) would play the role of the fairies and they still do

I just don’t know whether they’d be fairies or just Vincent’s castle servants that he trusted with his child

So the rest of the Maleficent plot plays out (Ciel grows up in the woods, Sebastian forms a father-son bond with him) I’d get into more of it but that’s for another time

Oh and uh btw I decided

Agni will be the role of Diaval (aka the crow character who turns human in the Maleficent movie)

We love us some Sebagni

Alright I think that’s about it okaybye-

[angel-of-the-moons]

Fun Before (Diaper) Duty

Peter B Parker x Wife!Reader

TW/CW: NSFW, Smut, Sex, grinding, dry humping, pegging, sex toys, PiV sex, unprotected sex, creampie, talks of pregnancy, trying for a baby, cumming inside with the intent to make said baby, Peter being a whining mess , Dom(?)!Reader, Sub!Peter, (sort of?) no refractory period, drain this mans dryyyy

MINORS DNI I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT YOU CONSUME

A/N: This is an AU of sorts where MJ doesn't exist and the Reader is Peter's Wife. Takes places after the first movie (Obvi). It's just a thing that's been bouncing around in my head and I need to get the brainworm out!!!

(And as usual header does not indicate reader's race)

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It had been some time since you guys ran into your... "problems."

It had been some time since he came home after apparently interacting with someone who changed his mind on what you talked about.

Kids.

Babies.

Having them.

He explained in great detail what happened, how Miles in particular had just... changed him. Woke him up inside, made his inner Papa Bear come out.

It made him realize he did want kids.

And if realizing he actually did want kids was something, Peter B Parker really enjoyed the task of making said kids.

The two of you indulged in it as often as possible, twining together in bed, or on the couch, in the shower, in the kitchen... Once when you met him on a rooftop to bring him some dinner when you were in the area.

Yeah, Peter wasn't much of the "public sex" type, the poor guy. The moment he came inside you he was a blubbering--still hard--mess and he web-slung you two home to make love to you properly. I.e he basically let you pin him to the couch and ride him until he couldn't feel his legs.

Even that Spider-Man stamina had its limits.

More often than not he was out most nights doing his Spider-Man routine, fighting crime, saving people... Even picking up an extra part-time job for some extra cash.

"Y'know, babies are expensive!" Peter had laughed with you over some crappy Chinese takeout.

"I know, but honey..." You sighed, finishing off your noodles nd dropping the chopsticks in the paper container.

"My job pays well, and I even negotiated with my boss so I can work from home from now on. I'll only need to go into the office for meetings or something important, so taking care of a baby is no problem. Our bills are covered, and... You got your hero gig. I don't want you to overwork yourself, Peter."

"Babe." Peter smiled at you sweetly. That same, charmingly goofy smile as he turned to face you on the couch.

"I just wanna make sure we have all our bases covered. I love you, and I wanna make sure our baby has everything they're gonna need."

"C'mon, Tiger." You smiled sweetly at him. "You already work your ass off being a superhero. And we're trying to have a baby, and once that baby is here we're both going to have our hands full."

He brought your knuckles to his lips to give them a kiss. "Which is exactly why I want the extra cash. I want to make sure you two have everything you deserve."

You smile and lean in, brushing your nose against his affectionately.

"I already got you, dummy."

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Two more months passed.

Two more months.

Months of you not getting pregnant yet. Neither of you knew what the problem was, you planned meticulously, tracked your ovulation and menstrual cycles... Hell, you even drank some kind of herbal tea that was supposed to boost fertility. But... No dice.

Your doctor told you it wasn't uncommon, that some people just don't get pregnant on the first few tries.

The difference was that you and Peter tried more than "the first few tries".

It was frustrating, but you held out hope.

You two would be parents. You would.

Peter had even told you he was hoping for a little girl.

He was going to name her Mayday.

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Tonight, you had just gotten out of the shower after getting back from the gym. You were sweaty and gross and ugh, you really needed it after staring at spreadsheets all day.

Your hair was a dripping mess, but you decided to let it air dry.

You put on one of Peter's button up shirts and at the last second, decided to wear the laciest panties you owned and couldn't help but grin.

It would be a nice surprise for Peter when he got home.

After all, what husband wouldn't wanna come home to their wife wearing nothing but one of their shirts and a pair of lacy panties?

And bingo! You were right.

You had your back to him as you downed your glass of juice when he came through the door.

"Hey, Babycakes!" Peter whistled as he locked the door behind him again. "I brought some--"

You heard whatever bags he had in his hands drop, along with his keys.

"....Well." He said, clearing his throat as you turned around, smiling at him slyly.

"Well?" You purr, leaning on the wall.

"I feel a tad overdressed." He mumbled, a blush on his cheeks as he looked down at himself.

"Peter B Parker, is that a blush I see in your cheeks?" You giggle.

"I, uh, uhm--" Peter coughed awkwardly; you could see his Adams apple bob in effort as he swallowed an imaginary lump. Then, he held the bag up.

"Got dinner from the Greek restaurant down the street?"

You smile and shake your head, taking the bag from him as you walk to the couch, opening the plastic containers to see what dinner your wonderful husband brought home for the two of you.

You decide to give Peter mercy, for now, as his shoulders sag and he pulls off his trenchcoat, hanging it on the peg, revealing the Spider-Man suit along with the sweatpants he was wearing.

His choice in hero outfits lately had you endeared to him even more, with his quirky nature.

"Uh, I'm... I'm gonna change, m'kay?" He says, a lopsided smirk on his face, cheeks still just a bit pink.

"Mhmmm." You wink at him as he walks by.

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You finished chowing down on your gyro with a happy hum, wiggling in place as the two of you watch whatever dumb cop show happened to be on.

You snuggled under Peter's arm as he licked his fingers clean of the remnants of his food and rubbed his cheek on the top of your head.

"How was patrol tonight?" You asked him softly.

"Oh, boring, actually. Like, a few purse snatchers but thankfully nothing where anyone got hurt." Peter told you.

"Well that's good, maybe supervillains are deciding to take a vacation for a bit?" You muse playfully.

"Oh, god, that would be amazing." Peter groaned, dropping his head back on the cushions of the couch.

"They go to the annual Villains' Club and are like "You know what? Let's all take a trip to Fiji! Give Spider-Man a break!"

You giggle and kiss his jaw, the stubble of his shadow tickling your lips.

"Yes, I concur." You sigh. "That would be amazing."

There's a pregnant pause in the air before you broke it.

"Though, given that we're trying to have a baby... Id prefer it if all your patrols ended this way. With you safe."

"I know, babe." Peter replies quietly.

"I promise I'll be careful."

You smiles and turned your head into his neck, breathing in every scent that is Peter.

You could feel his body tense when you did that,, see that Adams apple bobbing again as he kept his eyes focused directly on the tv, trying to ignore how your fingers slowly crept up under his tank top slowly; nails tickling the soft skin of his abdomen.

You slipped your fingers down, just barely past the waistband of his pj's and his breath stutters.

He wasn't wearing boxers. Perfect. Makes it that much easier.

"Babe--" Peter said, his voice coming out shaky.

"Hmm?" You asked innocently, ever so slowly slipping your hands down further, gliding through the well-trimmed hairs and stopping just above his rapidly hardening dick.

"You--" He groaned, dropping his head back and closing his eyes.

"Me.... What?" You sigh, wrapping your fingers around his cock, feeling the half-hard mass of silky flesh twitch and come to life in your hand

You gave a languid stroke upwards, and back down.

Up, and down.

Up, and down... Working him up to full mast as his breathing increased and a small whimper came from his lips.

"Hey, Pete." You grinned, licking over the thumping pulse in his neck.

"Y-yeah?" He whined.

"Wanna see something you're gonna like?" You asked him, your tone breathy.

"Yes. God, yes--" He gasped, as your thumb swirled over the weeping tip of his dick.

You squeeze his cock again as he says that, just barely above painful.

"Peter..." You scold. "What do you say?"

"Yes, ma'am." He whimpered out quickly, his hands gripping the cushions, knuckles turning white as he grits his teeth.

"That's a good Tiger." You purr, pulling your hand from his pants and swinging yourself over so you were straddling his thighs.

"Eyes open, baby." You cooed, urging him to tip his head so he could stare at you, a little slack-jawed as you slowly undo the buttons of the shirt you wore.

God, that pitiful look he'd get on his face when he was horny always got you going.

When you slipped the last buttons out, you pulled the edges of the shirt open, showing your tits off to him with a smirk.

His gorgeous eyes of course locked in on your breasts first, your pebbling nipples eagerly awaiting touch; but his gaze slipped lower, raking all the way down your body until he saw the underwear you were wearing.

It left very, very little to the imagination. And it did a very, very poor job of concealing how wet you were getting; your slick already seeping through and leaving a dark spot on the dark gray pj's he wore.

You watched his hands twitch and arms move; and instantly you frowned.

"Peter." You say, reaching out and gripping his face with your hand, squishing his cheeks.

"Did I say you could touch me?"

He made a soft noise and dropped his arms.

"No. Keep em up." You order, dragging the tank top he wore slowly up his torso.

He obediently lifted his arms up so you could pull the offending piece of clothing off; and you smiled with satisfaction.

"Good boy." You told him, leaning forward to kiss his lips.

The touch was soft, feather light with the ghost of a promise, one that his mouth chased as you pulled away from him.

He made a weak groan, and you giggle.

"Keep your hands on the back of the couch, you're not allowed to move em until I say so. Got it, baby?"

Peter nodded, doing as he was told and he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and nodding.

"Peter..."

"Yes ma'am." He whispered out.

You smile at him again as your hands greedily paw at him, sliding down his chest and to his belly, softening and round.

"Babe..." Peter groaned, looking off to the side in embarrassment.

It was no secret between you two that he was self conscious of the pooch in his belly, about the softness there. It was why he decided to wear pants over his suit; he didn't like it being on display for everyone.

"Hush," You said to him, gripping softly at his belly, kneading the skin underneath your soft fingers.

"You're adorable. I love your belly. And think of it this way, you've already got a dad bod." You leaned in just a bit, enough to take one of his nipples into your mouth and tugging on it with your teeth.

The sound he made went into your ears and straight to your cunt.

"..And you look good with a dad bod." You assured him with every ounce of love and acceptance you could vocalize.

He shuddered and let out a shaky breath, his eyes fluttering closed as he let you toy with him.

"Now, let's have a bit of fun, okay?" You sighed, positioning yourself so that the bulge in his pants could press tightly against the sopping fabric of your panties, your throbbing clit pressing hard into it.

You were polite and gave Peter a second to breathe, checking to see if his hands were still where you told him to keep them.

They were, and Peter had his head leaned back so you could see the jumping vein in his neck.

You bit your lip and slowly started to grind on him, letting out a soft groan at the friction, each drag of your hips against his throbbing cock smearing your juices along his clothes length, a dark patch starting to form.

God, he looked so utterly fucked already that your mind felt dizzy with how delicious he was sounding.

Soft whimpers and gasps came from Peter as he lifted his hips to meet yours.

You were tempted to scold him, but then again, he was being a good boy.

You plant your hands on his chest, keeping him pressed into the cushions as you continued to hump against his twitching cock, the signs of his precum already soaking through the fabric to join the wet spot of your own slick.

The way he was being so fucking good for you, the sounds he was making, and the little licks of flames that jolted up with each stroke already had you close to wanting to cum. But you held off, instead doubling down, sliding your hips on his even faster than before, mewling softly as he desperately ruts up into you, his jaw clenched so tight you were worried he would crack the bone.

"You're being so good, Tiger." You purr, licking up from his collarbone, to the soft spot on his neck.

You bit down and sucked hard, scratching your nails down his chest as you kept grinding your soaking pussy against him.

You did that four more times, leaving beautiful red-purple marks on his neck.

You feel his hips start to stutter against yours, a deep, heavy groan tearing through his throat.

"You gonna cum for me, baby?" You moan softly.

"Y-yeah." He whined.

"Mmm~" You pull away from him, and he makes a frustrated cry, before going silent as he watched you pull his pants down just enough to free his cock.

His jaw slacks as he watched you pull your panties to the side, and slowly spear yourself on him.

You were so wet and fucking tight, he almost came right there.

You press a finger to his lips as he moaned your name.

"You can cum, but only after me. Got it?"

"Yes ma'am..." He whines.

"Good. Good." You smiled, tapping his lips with your fingers.

"Open."

Peter stares at you, his eyes glazed and pupils dilated as his lips parted, letting you slip your digits in so he could lick around them, sucking them softly and wetting them with his saliva.

You pull them free with a wet pop and bring them down to your clit, using the mix of his spit and your slick to rub the sensitive bundle of nerves.

The way his cock twitched inside of you, the way he struggled so hard to keep still while you used your hand to pleasure yourself while his cock was seated fully into you... God, it was bliss.

"Ah... O-Okay, Tiger." You panted. "Y-you can move. Fuck..."

Peter didn't need another word from you; he began snapping his hips up into yours with a whimper, chasing the orgasm that was a hairs breadth away.

And all at once it was like the world came crashing down. Your orgasm ripped through you and you gushed on Peter's cock, your fingers still working at your clit while he fucked into you, a shaky moan coming from him as he emptied himself into you, snapping his hips up into yours almost mindlessly as the both of you rode out your release.

When the two of you stopped moving, you slowly leaned forward, resting your head on his shoulder, breathing heavily as you tried to control your leaping heart rate.

You felt Peter slip his arms around you and tug you close, and a smirk played on your lips.

"Did I say you could touch me?" You tease.

"No ma'am." Peter grinned.

"Eh, I'll let it slide. This time." You giggle, leaning back to look at him.

God that smile on his face always made your heart flop.

And of course... Another idea came into your mind, biting your lip as you felt his dick twitching inside you.

"Hey, Pete..." You hummed, tracing invisible lines on his chest.

"Yeah?" He asked you.

"Wanna take this to the bedroom? I wanna play a bit more."

Peter looked like he swallowed his tongue right there on the couch.

🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼

Fuck, you loved it when you did this.

You loved the sounds he made, how he'd grip at the sheets and how he'd rock his hips back to meet the thrusts of yours, spearing himself open on the ridged silicone cock you were fucking him with.

"Good boy." You murmured, gripping his ass tight and spreading his cheeks as you glide the toy in and out, in and out.

He wasn't allowed to jerk himself off as you fucked him; that was always the rule.

"You're being quiet again, baby." You cooed, kneading his cheeks with your fingers.

He let out a groan, but it wasn't enough for you.

You wanted more.

And you were going to take more.

You pulled out, almost entirely, watching the rim of muscles clench and try to drag your strap back in.

You hold like that for a minute before Peter makes a needy whine; and the moment he does you slam your hips as hard as you can into him, rocking him forward and making him moan like a whore.

You decided to keep that pace, arching your hips up to reach every spot you memorized inside of him, leaning forward and pressing your palm into the curve of his spine, forcing him down into the bed.

"Thaaaaat's it... that's it." You hissed, biting your lip.

"Gonna cum already?" You teased playfully.

"Y-yes--" He breathed.

You pulled away a bit and bring your hand down on him, slapping his ass, the sound of skin resounding through your bedroom.

"Ah-ah. What do you say?" You say, your tone full of disappointment.

"Yes, ma'am!" He whined loudly, arching back into you as you roughly fucked into him.

"Good boy..." You repeated.

You slid your hand up his spine slowly, earning a pathetic gasp and whimper from him, watching as he ripped at the sheets so hard that the edges came off the corners of your bed; hot ropes of white cum shooting out and staining the silky black sheets as you fucked him.

You pulled out, and unbuckled the harness from around your hips and thighs, tossing the strap-on onto the floor.

Eh, you'd deal with it when you were done.

You laid on your side next to him, smiling sweetly.

"You good, baby?" You asked him softly.

"Agh... Yeah. Shit." Peter mumbled into the pillow.

You grinned and kissed his knuckles as he released his grip on your sheets.

He lifted his gaze and kissed you before you had a chance to react, his tongue pressing into your mouth and tugging at yours, hungry and needy.

He pulled away, a string of saliva connecting your mouths and a glint in his eye.

"Babe, can I..."

"Of course, Tiger." You grinned as he climbed on top of you, gliding his cock through your slick folds.

"We are trying to make a baby, remember? And besides... My legs are tired. You take the lead."

Peter grinned down at you.

"Yes ma'am."

[bomberqueen17]

assorted, and snippet

it is a rainy sunday. we had a glorious last-gasp-of-summer week, 70s and sunny and lovely, and then last night as the sun went down it suddenly got cold and is going to stay that way.

today's my late father's birthday. he'd've been 79 today. farmsister asked the family groupchat if we wanted to do anything special but like, what? no, so we're just having our normal sunday family dinner. she decided to make enchiladas because while the tomatoes are done, there are still tomatillos, so she's roasting those. i decided to thaw a pork butt and i'll make a sort of al pastor kind of pulled pork for the filling, later. but at the moment i'm out in my cabin, which is a disaster area and needs cleaning. but at the moment i'm just listening to the rain on the metal roof, and i have the propane stove on to get it up to room temperature in here, and i'm dying to take a nap but probably won't.

i told myself i could sit for an hour and maybe write. I sorta don't want to write, I sorta want to fuck around and nap, lol. I'm at a bit in Peace-Tied where I'm trying to fold in stuff I wrote ahead that doesn't quite fit now, so that's complicated-- I've been resorting to using two monitors to have the old doc open in a window so I don't have to tab back and forth. But Fit For Thrones is also in an awkward spot where I wrote stuff ahead and like not a lot has changed, but I realized there needed to be a new thread introduced, so I've got to work that in, and I'm realizing a scene I wrote ages ago that was just fluffy and didn't show a lot of character development is going to have to get overhauled to fit the new concept in, which at this point is just a slight complication but later I wanna hang like a whole plot off it, so it's gotta be here-- if I put it in later it won't have any support and might not really properly hold all the weight it needs to, so. And this scene was just fluff anyway and needs more stuff in it. So that's fine. But it's hard. Because of course all I want to do is skip ahead and write the juicy weighty scene this is gonna support. But if I do that (again, as i've been doing a lot in this series, ugh) i'll get there and it won't fit and i'll have to do more of this fiddly kind of work.

I did only miss Friday's update because I was physically too busy at the time, though. It's the wind-down of the farm season but that just means people have started to peel away to do other things, there's not actually a lot less work, and so those of us left are kind of juggling a lot more balls, even if they're less heavy than they were. (more wittering specifically about FFP behind the cut, and a snippet)

So I have a bunch of stuff allllllmost ready to post, but a bunch of tricky work to do for the continuations of them. There has been a spate lately of very nice comments, some rereaders and some new readers, and I appreciate all of you and it keeps me going, really it does.

I can't find the one, though, someone commented on the latest FFT that they thought Morvran might wind up a bit subby perhaps, and I literally cackled out loud. (Someone else was speculating that he's more traumatized/demi/gray than pure ace, which I also have been trying to convey-- he's ace-spec for sure but gray, is where I'm headed with him.)

I don't think Ciri is going to wind up being particularly domme-y in her preferences-- she also would like a pretty lady to push her around please-- but understand she was raised by a bunch of dommes all around, so I had a very early slightly-cracky notion that she thinks this is how het relationships have to work (this did bear fruit in an outside-of-series published work on AO3 thanks to the Smubbles folks, here: What Every Young Woman Needs)-- but there's an excerpt here I haven't quite yet fit into the FFP continuity, which I suppose I'll put here for everyone's delectation (Ciri POV, of Morvran):

He glanced up only briefly at her arrival, flashing her a quick smile but returning to whatever he was writing, clearly intently focused. She propped a hip on the edge of the desk, waiting, and he finished writing the line and looked up at her.  There was something about the way he looked up at her, like this, something open in his expression that usually wasn’t. It sort of made her want to pull his hair, and made her suddenly understand some things about the way her-- Geralt and Yennefer had acted, around one another. She’d always thought Yennefer was perhaps too mean to Geralt, but she could suddenly understand Yennefer’s perspective, and see that maybe it… well maybe it wasn’t being mean.  But. She didn’t know Morvran near well enough to offer to pull his hair.

[cjariot]

Do you love me still?

(a/n: this is my first time writing a story. please bear with me.) recommend listening: shut up my moms calling- hotel ugly

dividers by @firefly-graphics

y/n’s pov

Lately, I've been feeling a little lonely because, well, I've been alone. sure i go out and hang with my friends but it doesn't feel the same coming home to an empty house. It's kinda draining. shuri and riri, they barely call me, or even come home for that matter, and when they do it's always late and i’m asleep. So today I'm gonna go down to the lab and confront them about it, because I'm sick and tired and I just wanna get it over with. “Griot, do not alert Shuri and Riri about my arrival, please?” i say to the a.i “Sure thing ms. l/n”

shuri’s pov

me and riri were working on an upgrade to not only my Black Panther suit and her Ironheart suit. We were helping each other with one another's suits, when I heard a loud clang which was unusual because we were the only two in there. I went to check out the sound, “Girl don’t go investigating, that’s literally how every horror movie starts!” Riri whisper-yelled “Would you be quiet? Who's there?!” “It’s me, y/n!” Once I heard the quiet voice, I sighed, “What are you doing here? And why didn’t Griot alert me?” “I told him not to. I came here because I felt a little.. neglected.. and i came here to ask you guys something.” “Well what is it?” Riri said, she and I walking back to what we were doing.

y/n’s pov

they didn’t even come to hug me or kiss me, they just went back to what they were doing, “am i annoying?” i thought to myself, “no, wait I barely see them how can i be?” all of these thoughts circle in my mind as my breath becomes shaky as I'm about to ask the question, tears welling in my eyes blurring my vision, making it hard to see. “Do.. do you guys love me still?” my tears fell and I let out a sob feeling hurt.

riri’s pov 

me and shuri both immediately stop what we’re doing and run towards her “of course we do, what makes you say that, baby?” “it’s just that, it’s that you guys have been, like not speaking to me. are you tired of me? because if so, I can leave, i promise there won’t be any hard feelings. just.. just let me know.” y/n says as a few tears fall “oh, my love don’t leave, stay, please we love you. we’d never want you to leave, we’ve been… busy with the suits upgrades and we just lost track of time. i promise we love you oh so much.” shuri replies with sincerity. “Yeah babygirl, i promise we don’t find you annoying when you come down here and make sure we’re alright and properly fed.” i say reassuring her. “please, just come home, I miss you guys. it’s so lonely with out you guys, please i really wanna be close to you both.” Shuri and I both nod and walk toward her and give her a hug and a passionate kiss. “we can go home and watch a couple of movies and eat, i’ll admit i’m kinda hungry, we can order out sweetheart.” I say, easing her mind.

at their home

omniscient pov

“hey my love, what would you like to watch?” shuri asks y/n “oh we should watch the addams family, its so good!!” y/n responds excitedly. riri returns with the takeout and places it onto the table and squeezes on the couch next to y/n and shuri and grabs the food for them eat. shuri plays the movie once they start eating, shuri begins to speak, her mouth full “why dyou like this so much? its literally about two emos having emo kids— mm, it’s so boring actually.” “mon amor, you have to stop talking with your mouth full, we can’t understand you.” y/n responds, to which shuri holds up one singular finger as a way to say ‘one moment’. She swallowed her food and she repeated what she had said previously, “i said why do you like this so much? it’s literally about two emos having emo kids, it’s pretty boring.” instead of y/n responding riri does, “it’s really not that bad actually, i like seeing two weirdos embracing their weirdness with eachother, it’s cool!” “see, riri gets it, its pretty interesting, c’mon it’ll grow on you.” y/n turns around to shuri, to see that she was already looking at her, staring intently, intrigued. “what is there something on my face?” she wiped at her face in confusion “no, my love, it’s just that i love you, both of you! i love the you guys’ faces light up when you talk about something you like, it’s adorable!” “awh, shuri, we love you too, baby.”

[sigmxnd]

forever (short story)

hi everyone :3 i posted this on ao3 not that long ago, but since a few more people are aware of my ocs on here, i kinda wanna try my hand at posting a story just on my account!!!!! this took me months with LOTS of breaks inbetween, but it's finally finished and i'm extremely proud of it. i hope you enjoy :3

~♡~

Leo's screaming fell upon his own deaf ears as his knees painfully hit the wooden floor. That wasn't him.

And yet they all still identified him.

Leo choked on his own wails and sorrowful tears, tearing the hoodie off his back and tossing it away from him. The fabric made him want to tear himself apart.

He was so deformed, destroyed. Twisted and cracked. His form resembled a horrific art project, a test of what the human body was capable of and how far the limits could possibly be pushed. And McLean was smiling.

A sick man and his best work. The ratings would fill his dinner plate tonight.

Leo could only wonder if he had any shred of consciousness left. If he was there now, would he even be recognized? If he hadn't left, would any of this have happened? The scenarios only encouraged the bile that threatened to escape his stomach. He couldn't handle this; not now, not ever.

Was 'he' even there? His body may have been, but the crowd calling upon his name seems to bring no reaction. His eyes only filled with one emotion that reflected throughout his terribly thin body as he reached towards Chris through the bars. Fury.

But maybe, if Leo called out for him, if he could only scream louder and reach his arms for the only one he'd ever desired to hold.. Maybe he was still there. Still clawing and fighting and looking for him, through the blinded mind of an animal. Hoping that someone would come back for him.

Leo didn't realize he'd moved to a different room until he heard the bathroom door open, seeing the taller stature of Sigmund from his spot on the cool tile floor. The blonde kneeled in front of him, reaching out and tenderly taking one of his wet hands.

"Can you hear me?" Sigmund mumbled, and though his head was pounding and his chest that felt far too small for the breaths he took, he nodded.

"Focus on me, if you can. Everything will be okay."He didn't understand. How could he? It certainly wasn't his fault, Leo couldn't blame the emotions he could never feel on him, but how could he ever see a silver lining in a ravenous tornado?

The front of his shirt was becoming uncomfortably soaked. He wanted to writhe, rip the cotton in two and free his body from the cage. Like a beast. The associated imagery didn't help.

"Maybe it's all a trick. You know how Chris is, he'll do anything to keep his show popular. Especially if it had something to do with the person everybody loves and talks about."

Although he wasn't wrong, how on Earth could he have faked that? It didn't seem like any kind of high budget CGI, a stuntman in makeup, a real animal, anything. Leo felt as though he wouldn't have known it was him so profoundly if it wasn't real.

His mind finally slipped the name. It only worsened his already severe sobbing. It really was Ezekiel.

Sigmund had stopped trying to comfort him, most likely realizing nothing he could say was going to help him. He sat properly beside him, letting the light brunette grip his hand as hard as he needed to.

The agony stayed for longer than he could bear to keep track of.

~~

Leo had found he never particularly cared for eating at restaurants. Always too noisy for him and too expensive, the idea never seemed worth it. And while a café seemed to get grouped in with that concept, when Sigmund suggested a local shop that didn't seem to get too populated, it didn't seem like a horrible idea.

The drive was silent, which Leo was thankful for, but he could tell Sigmund didn't enjoy it. He needed sound, something to fill the air and give him a chance to get out at least some of his pent up energy he couldn't expel elsewhere. But Leo couldn't bring himself to engage, feeling mostly numb. He'd spent himself with the constant crying and feeling the most rock bottom he thought he'd ever felt, and now there wasn't much left to give. As dramatic as it sounded in his head, there wasn't a better way to tell it.

The tiny building was admittedly very cute. They stepped inside, and he was satisfied that the described environment didn't disappoint. The two men placed their orders and went to sit, not exchanging words between each other. It didn't bother Leo, but evidently Sigmund couldn't take it anymore, breaking the air with a sentence that stirred the still emotions inside of him.

"They're making a new season." He muttered, audible enough for the man across from him to hear. "I don't know why. I don't know where it'll be, either. But I just heard about it."

Leo sighed and put his face in his hands, trying to keep himself from bursting into tears in a calm atmosphere. To his surprise, it mostly worked. "Awesome. I can't wait." The sarcasm practically dripped from his teeth onto the freshly cleaned tables, and he'd started to feel guilty as he saw a blur of the blonde man beginning to fidget with his hands nervously. He wasn't mad at Sigmund for anything; the entirety of everything simply weighed him down to the point of not having the capacity to fake it 'till he made it. He just couldn't.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to make it seem like I'm angry at you, I'm not."

"No, don't worry, man. You've been.. Dealing with a lot. I shouldn't have brought it up."

The spiked edges of the old grief stabbed his chest and burned at his eyes. 'Not now.'

"It's fine." He replied in a flat voice, looking out the window as Sigmund got up to retrieve their drinks. He felt the desire to be in the closed off box of his room develop in his mind and tug at his limbs, but he didn't move. He was long due for a day out of the house, and he was going to get through it, no matter how badly he wanted to go home.

When the man returned, they quietly enjoyed their drinks, equally knowing that any more conversation would surely lead to something worse.

~~

Sigmund knew he was far from being over it. Even without it being visually obvious, he just knew Leo had been struggling to live the way he had before. Which was completely understandable.

He tried to help as best he could, but he didn't know how. Asking would typically work, but Leo's mind clouded and would overload so frequently that it made it hard for him to even know what he needed himself.

He just wished he could connect with the way he felt. Take his feelings and memories and put them in his own head, so he could be a more effective friend. It wasn't a really good train of thought, as friends couldn't be labeled by how 'effective' they were, but he found he had a hard time trying to find a better term for it.

He'd been there as much as he could, whether it was just as the comforting presence of another person or to be the encouraging voice to get him to eat. That was another thing Leo had been battling with; he'd told Sigmund it was hard to not imagine what Ezekiel had to (more so what he couldn't) eat throughout the period of him going crazy, and it made him sick to his stomach. It was rough looking for a technique to help with that.

Today, he'd constantly been worrying about the words that left his mouth, knowing all too well he had the habit of saying things without thinking, nearly every moment they came to mind. He'd tried to keep from internally cursing himself as he drove Leo back to his home, as it wouldn't help anything, though he lost that battle quite unfairly.

They hopped out of the parked car when they'd arrived, walking up the driveway and turning to each other at the door.

"Do you need me to stay for anything?" Sigmund asked softly, putting his hands in his hoodie pockets awkwardly. He wasn't sure what to do with his hands in moments of nervousness; he typically tried to settle on putting them away. "I don't have anything to do today, and my mom can just call if she needs me."

The taller shook his head, digging in his pants pockets for his house key. "No, it's fine." Turning the key in the lock, he paused before he put his hand on the knob. Sigmund took notice of the hesitation and furrowed his brows.

"You okay?"

Leo took a quiet, restricted breath. "Sorry, I lied. Can you stay?" He wiped his face on his deep blue hoodie before turning back to Sigmund, scratching at the raw skin of his hands that had been far past itchy hours ago.

"Yeah, of course."

~~

As the trees became bare with the unforgiving winter, Leo slowly moved back into his normal routines. The grief hadn't gotten a lot easier, many things still made his heart hurt and have the potential to ruin his day, but Sigmund had helped him with healing more than he realized.

He knew he didn't have to, and there was a chance it wouldn't be accepted out of humility, but he wanted to get his friend something as a 'thank you' for not abandoning him when he was most vulnerable. He didn't think he wouldn't, but he was still beyond grateful.

Though after lasting two seconds thinking about it, he figured he'd just grab some snacks and go visit him.

Parking in the driveway of the modest two-story house, an unpleasant shiver ran up Leo's spine as he exited the warm car into the contradicting temperature outside. He knocked on the equally freezing door, not having to wait long before he was greeted by an unusual concerned look displayed on Sigmund's mother's face. She looked a bit surprised to see him at the door, but she couldn't get a word out before an unintelligible and distressed yell echoed from upstairs.

"My apologies, Leo, I didn't know you were coming. Sigmund is upstairs, but I'm not sure if he wants to be interrupted at the moment." She stepped aside and let him in, locking the door behind him. The warmth spread throughout his face and down to his bones, and he sighed contentedly, a small piece of calm before he was startled by another angry exclamation. A swear word he, frankly, never planned on repeating.

"Is he okay?" The taller man asked, readjusting the plastic bag he held. Maybe what he'd bought wasn't quite right for this.

"Yes, he's just on a call with somebody, I forget who. I checked on him a bit ago and he's very upset, but thankfully the walls are insulated enough that the neighbors can't hear him. I've been trying to tune him out until he comes down for any comfort." She sat down on the couch, taking a sip of a soda she had. "Feel free to sit down, if you'd like."

"Thank you, but I'm okay. I'll go see what's up." He made his way up the stairs, stopping every time a shout rung through his ears. By the time he made it to the cracked door, the vibrations of the blonde evidently pacing around his room could be felt through his navy boots.

"FUCK YOU!" Sigmund cried, a flash of black flying past the light creeping out of the doorway. No thump was heard, which was slightly relieving, but it was nullified immediately at the sound of Leo's friend uncontrollably sobbing.

Leo approached the door, knocking gently and standing awkwardly. The door was flung open by a disheveled and seething Sigmund on the other side, who eased up at the sight of him and dropped his shoulders silently. "Oh, um.. Hi." He stepped back from the door, trying to inconspicuously wipe his tears on his shirt.

Leo wasn't sure what to say. The emotion in his chest was different this time; not quite the same grief he'd been trying to deal with for months. It hurt without the crushing hopelessness welling up in his eyes and throat. He felt something bloom in his chest, hardening his heart while opening it up to the vulnerable man in front of him.

Hesitantly, he stepped towards him, setting the plastic bag of snacks down on the ground and extending his arms to Sigmund. The way he'd desperately wanted to, days and days ago. Without a second thought, he nearly fell into Leo's offered hug, completely breaking down and muffling his cries in the taller man's soft blue jacket.

~~

"Hey."

Startled, Leo and Sigmund looked up from each other, up at the stranger standing at their table.

"Oh hey, I know you. Aaron, right?" Sigmund pointed out, putting on a fake voice to try and cover up what they were both feeling. Leo simply folded his hands on the table and anxiously tapped on his skin. "You were in the newest season."

"Yeah. I know you guys too, no need to tell me or anything." Aaron rustled in the pockets of his white jacket, clearly trying to grab hold of something. "I don't want anything, I just came by to.. Stir shit up, I guess." He gestured for Sigmund to lean forward and whispered something inaudible in his ear, causing the blonde to put on his iconic shit-eating grin and cover his mouth some.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He mumbled, trying to hold back his giggling. Aaron smiled slightly and nodded, the former pulling his jacket over his nose to muffle his laughter. The dark brunette then turned to Leo, pulling out a folded up piece of paper and putting it in front of him.

"You don't gotta open it right now. I just figured you might want it."

Those words repeated in Leo's head the entire way back to Sigmund's house, he was (they both were, frankly) dying to see what it was. As soon as they parked, they flew in the house and up the stairs, holing themselves up in Sigmund's room.

"Okay open it, I think I might explode if I don't know what it is." The blonde threw himself on the bed, flipping onto his stomach and leaning his chin on his palms. The taller sat next to him, delicately opening the mysterious paper.

The air went from warm, to very, very cold. They exchanged no words, nor a glance, seeing a slightly weathered, signed photo of Ezekiel in his corny rapper persona.

~~

"Okay, I think that's the last box." Sigmund sighed heavily and sat down against the wall, twisting his soda open and taking quite an unreasonable drink. It caused him to choke and cough, but he couldn't care.

"Cool." Leo slumped next to him, also taking a (better) drink of his pop. The room was empty for now, but hopefully unpacking everything wouldn't take forever.

"Jesus, why is all my shit so heavy? Are you sure you didn't hide a vintage brick collection in my boxes?"

"Last I checked, I don't collect bricks, but you never know. Maybe I did."

Infectious giggles filled the vacant space of the room, causing the two to almost spill their drinks on each other. When Sigmund calmed down, his eyes caught on the already assembled desk table. "Hey, since that's already up, we could probably fill it with stuff. You still tired?"

"Nope. Let's do it."

Simultaneously singing along to the likes of 2010's hits and popular emo music ("Is it true emo though?" Leo asked, to which Sigmund shrugged and said "Who cares, it's good.") while unpacking stuff for the table, it seemed to get faint when Leo picked up the picture of Ezekiel he framed years ago.

It had gotten a little dirty before he'd put it behind the glass, but it still nearly looked as good as when he'd got it. He knew now that it definitely couldn't look like it did when it was taken, but he didn't care. It didn't make it any less special.

"Put it there, I can surround it in dinosaurs." Sigmund pointed to a specific area of the table, holding a clump of plastic dinosaurs in the other hand. Leo chuckled softly as he gently placed the frame on the table, helping surround the picture with not so menacing looking creatures.

"Perfect, now he will never leave and can forever live in fear of these dollar store prehistoric.. Things."

Stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets, he blinked back some tears as he smiled. A familiar, loving warmth took up all the space in his heart.

"Yeah. Forever."

[end ♡]

[goldmanguyperson]

Please don’t send me donation asks. They won’t get posted here. I’m really sorry, but I want you to know that your time is better spent with someone else.

(post features potentially triggering and general uncomfortable content under the manifesto section)

I might sometimes post musings about sexual ideas and i will be horny on main sometimes, but i will always tag it properly. i also have exclusive tag ��#gold goes crazy on main” that you can blacklist if you dont wanna blacklist the more general tags for your own reasons

I try to tag for commonly triggering content but i sometimes forget for stuff like bugs because i simply dont find them scary or upsetting. if you really cant handle seeing a bug at any capacity then my blog probably isnt for you. I consider bugs in less scientific context to be all of pancrustacea, but i tag spiders separately and i do not tend to tag for crustaceans such as shrimp or crabs because discomfort around those is less common. I tag very plainly; I do not use cw or tw, I just flat out tag the thing as itself. i also try to tag for all animal death and dead animals, including bugs and fish (which are tagged separately because i know not everyone reacts to dead bugs or fish the same as mammals or birds or reptiles)

If your dni has an identity that i identify with on there then know i am not not interacting with you out of respect, i am not interacting with you because you are a fucking asswipe. Be a better person. People who believe they know more about me than me, or use trauma as an excuse to be bigoted and stay bigoted, do not have my respect.

Liberal blocker

intro post for NERDS!

im gold just call me gold. Or, my other names include tank and any model/(appropriate. none of the bigoted ones) nickname of tank, plane, or nuclear bomb (aside from fat man or little boy or enola gay for hopefully obvious reasons). i will respond best if it is very clearly directed at me or is one of my favorite vehicles/bombs: tsar bomba, kv-1, molodets, locust, chaffee, whatever whatever

my pronouns are he/him (normal caps), He/Him, and HE/HIM. i stole pronouns from god and HIM from the powerpuff girls

trans and gay full of autism adhd yum

im a shapeshifter otherkin. I am othervague for all these things (swings between kin, hearted, and link): birds, machines, and ‘pedes (millipedes and centipedes). am werebear; this is not a physical identity, i just much prefer to use the “were” term for it rather than otherkin, as it feels much more correct. But really, i can be anything. i have experienced a whole range of nonhuman stuff, cuz shapeshifter. if i post in a more specific tag know i am not attempting to like… invade, or anything. i mean for one i think thats stupid and for another i do actually be feeling that way

Russia place/countrykin. not a putin supporter or even a nationalist; Слава Україна. more connected to the land and its “memories” than anything else. if this confuses you please read my post: Nationalists do not love their country

i am plural. im fuckitgenic. you dont get to know how traumatized or not i am, cuz i dont even fucking know either. I don’t even think it’s that relevant. I am because i am, we are because we are, trying to look back into this life to see why it turned out this way is, in our opinion, just not fucking worth our time.

You probably wont see my headmates here as they struggle to form words for outside use, but you still might.

headmates you might see include:

The Eagle (he is a bald eagle)

The Nothing Beast (a big jet black dromeosaurid-like monster with back spines. actually quite nice. speaks in all caps)

Sputnik-1 (introject of the satellite). Profile is @satellite-one!

Bear (a spirit bear. might come off a bit mean. Bear is often just trying to protect us, but Bear also struggles with friendly or respectful communication)

Bat (We don’t know much about him. he hides away a lot)

Alan @amcomputer

if you start complaining about “uehhh but i have to know if youre traumatized to know how valid you are!!!” im going to skewer you like a shrike. we do not take kindly to prescriptive labeling.

i am posic (Perception of Object Sentience, Individuality, and Consciousness). I don’t believe objects speak to me and i dont believe they are externally alive, but i feel like they should be. it happens especially with military vehicles and nuclear missiles. when i look at them i feel a similar sense of life i feel when i look at an animal. is it weird? Oh yeah. It is. i have thought about this a lot and i can expand on it in another post if wanted.

im also objectum and conceptum tbe american flag is my boyfriend im sorry… I hate the government and i hate borders and i understand it would be better for countries to not have influence over material reality and all that shit (i am an anarchist. winning) but countries as a concept beyond reality are really important to me please understand. nationalists hate him (me) actually

carrd (mentions nsfw topics)

neocities (wip)

tags

#shut up! the eagle’s talking! - essays and personal experiences

#this is chrome ball radio - My headmate Sputnik’s thoughts and feelings.

#gold goes crazy on main - mentioned above. though not actually just plain horny stuff, more for musings that may be sexual and have to do with me personally and I GUESS I LIED!!! ITS HORNY

#and that eagle? well. hah. It was me - just stuff about eagles. Any kind. i love eagles

#falconer hood experiences - Dreams that i have. theyre crazy. you will want to read

#first past the posting - USpol. Some of it isnt totally USpol (first past the post, the namesake, is a pretty prevalent issue in plenty of modern day democracies), but i live in the US so it’s what im probably thinking about

#galaxies of valleirkro - My spore stuff. Many permutations. Species will be tagged #valleirkro (species name), for example #Valleirkro Zoxun. Characters will be tagged their full name, such as #ikli-kit keletet.

#M.A.D. or Mutually Assured Destruction - Sentient country stuff that got out of hand and now is basically sci fi alternate history about learning to love each other and rise up against the powerful people and ideas keeping us apart. Characters will be tagged #M.A.D. (character name), as they only have a single peopley name. For example, #M.A.D. Maximilian. I do not tag them as the countries they are if I have a name for them, mostly because I don't want confusion when speaking of them in the same breath as the actual country. if you want to know which is which, do not be afraid to ask - i usually try to choose names that are of cultures and languages in the country, but I know not everyone is familiar with other languages, and many names are found across multiple cultures. Curious about what the fuck the ‘canon’ i keep talking about is or why not all characters seem to act in a way you’d expect? read this post.

#gold's Starmen - Characters that can traverse the multiverse. Characters are mostly of the species Arvien; flat-faced bird people (yes made out of a desire to try to get away from the country stuff. i know yes, it did not work. but now i have a whole new world so it's cool). Species get tagged as #Starmen (species), for example #Starmen Arvien. Characters get tagged their full name, for example #Zakul Kuzarus. Sometimes exceptions are made for characters that do not have a "full" name. They instead have their species name after their name, like in #Ihsek Xek.

manifesto (sort of like a dni + its opposite but i actually explain things to ease my anxiety and autism) if you dont wanna read this thats fine but dont be surprised when i say something you dont like lol

Almost anyone is welcome here. But if you believe that you know more than other people do about their own identity then go away. Disgusting shit. Begone

that being said you cannot change your race. racial emotional limbo should only belong to people who are mixed race. You can find ways to participate in another culture without being the race often associated with it. many people would be much happier to show you their culture if you weren’t trying to identify as the race associated with it. Begone

I cant believe this is something that needs to be said anywhere but if you are an apologist for imperialism, capitalism, or authoritarianism, or are otherwise a supporter of any of this shit, fuck you. USSR, Russia, USA, China, Israel, Nazism, whatever i dont care. they all suck and you shouldnt be trying to blanket excuse them. Begone

go away if you indulge in zoophilic or pedophilic content. hope it’s obvious why. indulging in lusting after real ass living beings who cannot consent is fucking weird as shit. Begone

transage is fine. its not about pedophilia, that is a 4chan smear campaign cuz they thought it was fucking weird. it is about age regression and trauma and that kinda shit, idk, just read up on chronosian identity or something if you want. Also the things we associate with certain ages are more often than not socially constructed and so like idk, fuckin whatever dude. Begone

if you think age regression is bad then you do not know what it is. it is also not pedophilic in nature, it is often about comfort and often is a trauma or anxiety response. Please research and talk to real people before assuming something is bad just cuz it sounds weird. Begone

mspec lesbians are cool. “contradictory” labels are cool. my (real physical person) boyfriend is every letter of the queer alphabet and every person who hates a contradictory label will face our combined wrath. Begone

medicalism die begone. scientists do not know everything and often even science itself goes against “medicalist” beliefs. Minds are actually super crazy and weird and science understands this. If you are happier, or more at peace, and more able to understand and work with yourself because of a label and the support that comes with it then it is a good one.

^ includes “not supporting” endogenic systems by the way. Begone

creating headmates is fine (i think most of my headmates were accidentally created) but tulpa terminology is based upon a pretty heavy series of cultural appropriations of Buddhism (have you ever heard of “chakras are connected to your organs”? yeah. thats not true. thats a western idea that comes from the kinda colonial concept that we can force an eastern religion into the originally western conception of science as almighty truth that everything must tie to to be considered real by anybody, and the western idea of tulpas are mainly from this version of buddhism). Asian religions and cultural practices are already a really big target for western cultural appropriation, maybe we shouldn’t add to that, okay? i mean i wont tell you to go away like i have for the others here. and i actually wont tell you that its absolutely not okay because this is a pretty complex little cranny of reality. but i do ask you to perhaps be a little more conscious of how this stuff all connects

it is okay to be wrong

bangalangadooda

[gunkreads]

Phew. Finished The Tyrant Baru Cormorant; now finally caught up on Masquerade. Took me fuckin' long enough.

For a summary of my thoughts, I'd like you to imagine a wee little squeal of sadomasochistic glee sounding from my chair every page or two, slowly building in to a combination of wails and shrieks, no less sadomasochistic or gleeful than the squeals that preceded them.

Seth Dickinson writes the type of story that I want put into the IV bags in the hospital when I finally get hit by a car hard enough to send me into a proper coma. I love being forced to cry. I love having to close the book over my thumb because I can't bear to read another word , then having to open it right back up because what's the point of this character suffering like that if I don't see them through to the end?

Dickinson writes the type of story that makes me not give a dribble of a shit whether it gets finished properly. There's a divide of public opinion that seems to believe a story that may never be finished is worth less than one that is or will be. I do not care if Baru 4 is ever released. I want it very badly, but if this is the last I ever hear of this story, that's fine. It's done enough. I'll admit I feel this way about a lot of stories, but I think it's worth mentioning here because this really is a story that's complete enough within itself to stand on its own at any of its climaxes.

Spoilers below the cut.

Bad out of the way first: there was a very obvious issue with the split between Monster and Tyrant; I later found that they were originally one book and really wish they would've either 1: stayed that way or 2: been split around 100-150 pages into Tyrant, some time during the Kyprananoke climax. So that's one very minor bad thing.

Second bad thing was... not so much "bad" as a slightly off-putting thing I've noticed and theory I've been working on. Depending on your level of cynicism about publishing, you'd describe it as either "authors breaking out of their shell" or "editors/publishers easing up on the reins". Around the second or third books of several series I've read, the author's voice begins to shine through a lot more potently. I don't wanna dive too deep into my background on this theory, but that definitely happens in Tyrant. You start to see Dickinson use slightly more modern twists of language, have characters crack a few more out-of-tone jokes, and other small things like that. It's nothing particularly intrusive, but it did bring me a bit out of the story.

One thing that probably turns some people off the series, especially toward the middle of Monster, is the way it presents economics as a kind of absolute power over the world. I'd agree that it's a somewhat limiting authorial choice in some ways--as much as you can call "falling short of portraying the full spectrum of society" limiting--but I, personally, adored the way Dickinson used Baru's single-minded belief in economics as the sole solution to the world's problems as a foreground for all the other philosophies he presented. What's the difference between economics and trim? Plenty, but less than you think, so he puts Baru--the world's best-ish economist--and Tau-indi--the world's best good person--in a room together a bunch and makes them ask each other every question except "What's the difference between economics and trim?"

This is one of my favorite things in storytelling: to answer a question by painting a silhouette of different answers around it. Answer every question except the one you're asking and the reader will see it clearly enough to answer for themselves. Dickinson does it really, really fucking well.

Also yeah. Tau-indi Bosoka. What a great character. Operates on a truly higher level of insanity than any other character in the series while still keeping their feet so firmly on the ground you're amazed they can pick them up to walk.

Another thing I really adore, and this is a smaller one, is demonstrating conclusions to the reader via the actual physical medium of a book, not just the words. There's one place toward the end of Tyrant where this happens: the reveal that Aminata is Kindalana's daughter, where they jump-cut from "Kindalana has a daughter with Farrier!" to "Hey, where's Aminata?" (or something, can't recall the exact scene) on the very next page. The two scenes take place far out of earshot of each other, but they're juxtaposed like conjoined twins to the reader. This is the type of thing that can either pass straight over your head or hit you like a cement truck, with very little in between. It's my personal stance that this counts as an outright textual statement, not just implication, but that's a whole other haterific can o' worms I'll leave unpoured for now.

There are a couple things to be said about the Cancrioth, but I think the one that's most important to me is that they never lost their mystical properties. They never stopped being properly arcane. I really liked that. It's very easy to write a revealed secret as a thing that becomes mundane; the Cancrioth couldn't have ever been that way because they're an immortal cult. Not everyone there is an onkos, so all the non-onkos aboard need to believe in the magic. For them all to believe, the magic has to be pretty rad!

Sorry, I wrote this whole post just for that joke. Anyway.

In another way, the Cancrioth did start to bore me toward the end. I was kind of sick of their shit, for lack of a more complete thought. I had the same difficulty deciphering the Brain's motives as Barhu did and... honestly, it got a little bit tiring. Changing the trajectory of an immovable object is obviously a very hard thing to do, and it obviously takes a very long time, but man is it kind of exhausting to read it play out in real-time.

Tain Shir is great. She speaks for herself (lol) as an element of the narrative. Good shit, no notes. There's actually nothing to be said here besides saying "Hey, Seth, your character rocks ass." She fills a trope I enjoy a lot: flesh made force-of-nature.

Aminata is an excellently insane character. I like how her perspective gave so much weight to the relative worldliness of other characters. She doesn't know dick about shit the whole time and it makes it much clearer to the reader how much everyone else should know. Also she's just... fantastically nuts.

Kyprananoke as a whole Fucking Thing was a little oddly drawn-out. Chekov's Tsunami was a little too heavy-handed for me. Not the tsunami itself, but its introduction--there's no way to introduce something like that without forcing the reader to lean back and go "Well, this place is fucked. What's next?" It kind of mangled the pacing of that whole sequence for me. I think that's more an issue with my own preferences as a reader, though, because all in all it's just another way to structure a release of tension.

I was pleasantly surprised at Dickinson's handling of gender issues. I'm not going to tell you whether he does a good or bad job; I'm going to tell you he does a thorough job. He paints a very interesting picture of the history of gender relations in various societies, how those have clashed over time, and their impacts on main characters. Aminata has probably the simplest relationship with gender and sex of them all, but she's also the character with the narrowest range of information about the world. I think your mileage will vary greatly here and it'll depend a lot on your existing stances on gender politics.

All in all, this is already one of my favorite series. I think rereading it would kill me and I think I'll eventually do it anyway.

[wavesmp3]

some of my fave rbs or asks or comments ive received... thank you all :) - no need for anyone to respond or anything to this, just really wanted to put this together more for myself - i doubt most of your remember these but i do heh [more under the cut, and perhaps lil notes too depending on the comment]

the first three!! major huge moments for me. from sha (@dinoshaur) one of the first comments i received on a work that wasn't fanfic exactly. meant the world to me then, and still does now. | from @redevenir the very very first comment (i believe) i ever ever received on the sea is yours to take,, it's been nearly 4 years since i first posted that piece and people still somehow find it, and it all started with that rb | and from choco ! @chocosvt one of the very first comments/rbs i got when i started properly writing on tumblr in 2020, this got the ball rolling on what became (and still is) such a dear passion/hobby of mine (also also can you believe i still use the mlist banner that choco oh so kindly made for me ages ago LOL its beautiful, i'll never get rid of it as long as this blog exists

and moment of silence for my old url :0

the first one... when another line of mine is quoted in another piece of mine's comments... head in hands forever. 2/3 of these were left by @gracefulweather (one for sure is, and i think the uquiz comment was also left by them but not sure) but thank you either way sherri!! | the second sc tbh i don't remember who left it but it was on tsiytt and it made me feel like i achieved something in crafting that world. although i may never revisit that world in writing, i revisit it often in my mind.

flower anon your comments meant so much to me, i hope youre still out there somewhere doing well :) | and to the other anon that left the second one, i was speechless and honored to reach that ask

@hhjs amal's comments have always made me feel like im doing something otherworldly which isn't true at all but i will forever love rereading their tags. also just amal's mind in general, i wanna pick your brain forever

n! i already made an emo missing n post but here are some comments from them lol. and the last one!!! me and water <3333 when people starting associating me with water/ocean/sea/waves too <333333

@heavenlyhaechan zahra!!! there were so many ones i could have put here but this one seemed to sum it all up. you get me :p if you see this, i hope you've been well :))

@dapingu the first and third one are just ones that make me giggle still LOL and then the second one is one that i hold so so close to me cause i had absolutely no idea if anyone would read that piece but then you did ! and you left this comment even after the fact too! i was so touched. i feel like i should personally apologize for making no moves to continue the series (and probably also for deactivating the gifts and sins blog) BUT thank you nonetheless. and as a added bonus you never failed to make me laugh so thank you also for that

@thepixelelf ursa!!!! the first one is horribly cut off but is prob one of my fave notes you ever left on a fic of mine (battling also with that one sunwoo recovery files style inspired drabble) and then ofc i couldn't not mention the 'boo you whore' comment :D also so glad to have you on this site still and to have your friendship and to look at bees and bears and think of you :) you mean the world to me

@kabira manx i think the fact that there are so many screenshots here speaks for itself like... i just simply could not bring myself to pick one !!! i am so lucky to have found you on here. i think in a way you helped me find out what i was good at and what i liked about my own writing before i even figured it out myself <3

@sagescaffeinemania the first one made me laugh and the second one makes me emo. feels like a declaration of love in way but i don't mean that in a weird way LOL i think your support on oasis singlehandedly introduced so many others to that piece, how can i ever thank you for that? and i apologize if i haven't even attempted a thank you yet

@cuppasunu KYU your bulleted comments on my silly long fics always meant so much to me ,, i know its been a very very long time but i hope you've been well

@blossom-hwa lina! best for last some might say. i mean you must know how much that oasis rb meant to me right? because it means the world. i think you calmed every doubt i had about that piece and lifted even higher everything i loved about it too. and the first sc esp, i couldn't have said it all better myself. that scene felt like i risk when i was writing it and im so glad it played out the way i was hoping it to and not the dreadful other way lol | and as for the second screenshot. really i think i love that comment because of how you wrote it more than what you said about the piece if that makes sense. one can tell from that little paragraph alone what a writer(!) you are. i love rereading that comment but i think i mainly just love reading your writing lol (dont think im not making my way through worn out soles)

[sasukimimochi]

i wanna ramble about my view on JC but i'm so bad at words

so like, i see posts where people talk about these things JC does or WWX holds back from, i don't wanna go searching but also want to leave these details out cuz i don't want to accidentally call people out cuz that is not my intention (not that i have the audience to do something like that) so i'm just gonna go from my memory and kinda summarize what i think abt him...

gonna add a read more line bc this gets long!

Uh, btw please no hostility i'm not trying to start arguments, these are just my thoughts i really wanted to get out there. i'm definitely no therapist or psychologist so take this with a grain of salt, this is the view of just an average reader who retains a lot of info [tho still manages to miss details at times]. Anyway if you have info you think i should have addressed, reply and i'll make additions if i agree/want to expand on the info presented to me!

So, WWX and JC have a weird thing going on, it's not exactly brothers but they definitely wanted that, the reason why i say they aren't solidly brothers is because i'm pretty sure Madam Yu has influenced JC from the start of his arrival which is why he doesn't call wwx a-xian or Wei Ying or A-Ying- Why he doesn't allow himself to let loose properly around anyone even in private, why he constantly scolds wwx, etc. i believe firmly he's been quite influenced by his parents due to him being the next sect heir and the pressure that comes from it, as well as what he feels like madam yu is correct on- wwx is uncle jiang's favorite.

Madam Yu still chides Yanli for doing domestic acts for WWX but not on the same level as JC, who is constantly under pressure by her to be the perfect heir to the sect. She wants him to be better than WWX, which of course affects all of the family but Yanli gets left out of the fire a bit, which i think is what gives her such a strength to do these supportive acts for the brothers [and why she's also both the brother's favorite. She's basically the mom they wish for. Supportive, understanding, and helps mediate them]. Though this is a burden she has to bear, it's not that big of a burden to her because she loves the two so much.

Jiang Fengmian... i might be spelling his name wrong, so i'll call him Uncle Jiang cuz it will be faster for me to type with no mistakes haha. Anyway, I have complicated feelings about him.

At first i thought he was great and did no wrong, but that was on my first pass and when i had just watched the donghua only. My opinion of him since i read the novel isn't bad, but it's not super good. He's in a complicated position! There's only so much he can do about his wife, they argue super often and while its not usually crazy loud, it's pretty intense. [also, i'm not sure if separation is really a thing that happened back then, i think that's really a modern thing.] I feel like we're likely seeing Uncle Jiang's will to fight dimmed down by the wear of time.

Consider: you have a family member who won't ever listen to what you say, regardless how sound your argument is- you can be completely in the right and have all the facts, but no matter how long you press on, the result never changes. Do you put in the same amount of effort for the rest of your life? No! You understand that no matter how much you argue that their answer will remain the same. I personally have a family member like this, and while i defend myself regularly, it does not go anywhere. That is the nature of some people, no matter what they may not treat your view with the respect it deserves.

anyway back to the main line here, i dont think wwx is wrong about what he said regarding JF to JC. "he's just hard on you cuz you're going to be sect leader" or whatever it was along those lines- WWX does not seem like the type to lie to make someone feel better and i think this is why JC appreciates that conversation so much (besides the heartfelt twin prides which is obviously something that stuck to him for a long time). And i agree, JF is definitely trying to prepare Jiang Cheng for his position as sect leader one day.

do i think Uncle Jiang is completely guilt free of favoritism? No absolutely not, he canonically holds wwx more as a child, which i think is hard to argue against- but i do think the context of that is missed in part by most. WWX may have been a bright kid with sun shining out his ass but he was also a scared kid that just got rescued off the streets after his parents never came home. A kid that was fighting for food from dogs and likely starving and scared because he was on the street for like 5 years [if i remember it was from age 4 to 9 in the novel]. Of course he got held a bit more- i can't imagine he would be completely unphased immediately upon arrival, at least with his Uncle Jiang who was totally willing to provide him comfort- which wwx probably desperately missed from his now dead parents. We know canonically that the memory of those parents, however small, is unreplaceable and dear to wwx- but having JF treat him dearly is truly a balm to what has happened to him.

I'm not gonna say JC didn't go through things that made him cry and want to be held, in fact if WWX came into the house and suddenly got a lot of attention, it's going to feel pretty shitty for JC! Of course this combined with abruptly losing his privacy and puppies was what initially had him pushing the other away, but as you could see, after WY breaks his leg after running off and they make up, they get really close and despite this looming responsibility and family troubles, the two are very bonded. imo making them look like 6 year olds in the donghua is an injustice to their relationship, because 9 year olds tend tend to have more emotional intelligence (?) at that age. I'm not sure how to phrase that, but basically making them look younger and act like giggling children took away from the scene a bit for me lol. Jc is old enough to realize he doesn't dislike wwx! This isn't a child quickly getting over his anger, he's young here yes, but he's decided in this moment that he cares about this new member of the family, despite being called the son of a servant. [which yes madam yu is once again influencing his view of this segregation but i think he is much better at ignoring this particular in his youth]

I am rambling more than i thought i would lmao- i have a lot of feelings about their relationship and i think it's skipped over so much

um, i'm not sure which direction i was going in before i went onto the parents. Let's skip forward.

lotus pier fell and not only did JC see wwx get humiliated and whipped and nearly disfigured, his mother who he was about to lose blamed wwx for so much. When you lose a family member you have an attachment to, whether it bad or good, this influences your thoughts about them and with no way to resolve said thoughts. i find this hard to explain, so i'm just going to hope you understand what i'm referring to here. Especially in ancient china though, i believe it's a big thing to hold such a high regard for your parents, but especially if they have passed? i can't say this is fact but i believe that is the case i just am sticking to my memory here. So these things in combination with Trauma, i believe starts this heavy, negative emotion in JC that is hard to unstick.

JC and WWX may get into a one-sided scuffle but soon after they cry together like children. They just experienced hundreds of lives lost- people they grew up with and trained with and cared for as well as the people who provided and cared for them- their family was unstable, but still was a family and support system- now they had only two people and one of them was far away, the one that was typically their pillar. I feel like a lot of people hold JC to an impossible standard in his situation- having a bad day and taking it out on someone is one thing, going through a traumatic massacre i think allows someone to get a bit unreasonable [though of course nearly choking him was quite far, remember, he's extremely unstable emotionally at this point].

"WWX didn't do that though!" of course not. WWX is a different person with a different personality, is older (though i don't know by how much), and is extremely resilient, but he does process his trauma just differently. As you see over and over in the novel, wwx goes through many things others wouldn't dream of, but he starts acting differently even before the golden core removal, not only after. He's going through the same things, but i'm pretty sure no one reacts to trauma the same way to the T. JC's just happens to be misplaced anger, which is probably way too simple a way to put it, but anyway...wwx also gets angry. very angry. The two both have the correct target of anger in the end, despite Jc's breakdown. He still harbors his mother's words, but at this point they're still in the background of his mind.

Now again we go forward- JC willingly sacrifices himself for WWX. Look, if he doesn't like wwx at all i think this is extremely contradictory. even if he was s*icidal, he could have chose other ways to get to that end if that was the case. and a gentle reminder that JC perks back up and is ready to fight once he believes WWX knows how to fix his core! i don't think he was truly wanting to die or anything like that until he thought he had lost everything except wwx and jyl. He believes in wwx's strength despite his constant fear of inferiority, so if he was gone, what would it matter if wwx was there to continue to protect yanli?

Essentially he was like 'well what are we going to do if i can't lead the sect? We would be in a homeless situation and there is a war.' aka there's not a lot of hope all around, i don't think he was only upset about the core, but it was definitely the main force because if he didn't have a core, how would he survive what was happening anyway? he's like 'if i'm gonna die let it be on my terms' yk? He also doesn't feel like he's strong enough before he lost his core to protect anyone. Without it? fat chance.

whew... this is a lot already, so maybe i'll post this and do a part two later addressing YLLZ arc, then the "present" one. i just have a lot of feelings about their relationship and i'm sad to see so much negativity around him...JC is quite flawed, but a lot of the characters are flawed! that doesn't make them bad characters, it makes them interesting and human.

[gregoftom]

I love Greg, but if I was Tom I would have teared the bitch to pieces with my teeth if I saw him having a ball of a time with the fascists, after having agreed to go to prison for him. He did the same thing with boar on the floor and the proposal of a business open relationship afterwards. Which in retrospect is very fucking crazy. Dude had to stand in an empty pool and got pissed on, but still didn't talk because of a little 'pls 🥺' only for Greg to break-up and blackmail him. Love them, fr.

JASJAKSJAKJSAS yeah i'll be honest that hurt me too.

it's kind of crazy the way that greg reacted then compared to now and you make a good point - twice tom makes these big proposals of love and twice it's kind of thrown back in his face. this is something he's used to so it makes sense that he goes off and pelts bottles at greg. you can kind of understand tom, LOL.

but he keeps pursuing him! like a lovesick little bitch! it's so..... A. there are probably multiple reasons why greg reacts the way he does to tom at the start; 1. he thinks that's the way this world works having observed the family acting that way [tom even praises him for the blackmail, in the end greg is mostly satisfied with being treated better and respected and being given a sense of belonging. tom knows just how to seduce him right back in] 2. he's not sure, like i was when i first watched boar on the floor, just how long these kinds of gestures could and would last so he doesn't take it quite so seriously hence trying to leave after [also up to that point tom had been uh. pretty mean to him!! and he gravitates towards niceness, it's only then i guess that he managed to pluck up the courage to ask to leave bc tom had this sudden burst of kindness and greg felt like he could leave without getting Killed lol.] 3. he's just being selfish - he takes these gestures and runs with them, esp the getting out of jail free card. he's like, oh thanks! then thoughtlessly celebrates his freedom with a bunch of. dudes. anyway.

BUT THEN LATE S3-4?????!?! WTF HAPPENED HASKJASAS this bitch was like minnesotan dick got me acting unwise. "prove it" shut the hell up slut!!! tom can't even react properly cuz he's like HUH?????? i thought you didn't even like me back!!!!! and it's just so fucking fun bc it pairs up very nicely with how much tom acts like a schoolboy around greg. these mfs be acting like high school idiots and it's so entertaining. it's like i said somewhere else on a post; one of them will take steps forward while the other steps back. the nero sporus scene was greg's "oh!" moment, i think. that was the moment he was like, oh wait, this is for real? bc ever since then he's been glued to tom's side and in the latest s4 episodes been singing his song like hey hi i'm greg of tom, i'm tom's mistress, how is everybody, hi mr president did you know i love that country boy. also i am here. like he mentioned himself second!! not exactly a huge thing like botf, but it's still a gesture! just a shame tom wasn't there to see it; maybe it'll be addressed in some way in the finale or he'll bear witness to greg doing the same thing for him in kind and we'll either get a break up as a response [touche greg] or... not?? which!!!!! A but i'm kind of expecting something within the former range. but i don't think it'll be an easy decision for tom and tbh, i'll take that. it at least means greg is important to him.

something happened between s3 and 4; they became friends, the trust grew, they must have spent a lot of time together. the disgusting brothers [which atp could just be them fucking each other and calling it disgusting bc they're fucking dumb and internally homophobic] bullshit, which sounds like something some idiot frat bros would come up with. "DIGUSTIBUS" GREG U WANNA FUCK THAT SENIOR CITIZEN SO BAD IT MAKES U LOOK STUPID. like. we had tom acting like that, now it's greg's turn. the scales tipped the other way and now tom is like. whadda hell... he likes it for sure we can see it here and there. but he's taking the step back now. i just think that's interesting!

ANYWAY SORRY I MADE THIS INTO A HUGE POST LOL but the point is. i also love them fr and tom should've [redacted] whenever greg was a little unappreciative asshole.