#and I know technically I’m not supposed to have pets because of my health problems but I’ve always had one anyway lmao

[mandelene]

More puppy photos. 😅

[thepoodlepack]

What's wrong with goldenpoodles? I'm genuinely curious because almost all of my dogs are mixed breeds and behave fine. So I'm curious if there's something else I'm missing

jeez this feels like bait but u kno what, you got me

alright, so it goes like this. the doodle really began with a guy in australia being like i need the temperament of a lab for a guide dog but these ppl are allergic to dogs, so i need a poodle bc they have hair, not fur. so he bred em together. years later he’s like damn that was a mistake.

now, why, exactly? alright so first of all he only needed that mix bc labs on average tend to adapt better to situations that are largely exclusive to service dog work than poodles do. i can go into what this means at a later date, but that’s basically how it is. but either way, people jumped on this creation and it kinda spiraled out of control. soon, poodles were being bred by everyone and every breed. suddenly, they were a marketing scam more then they were a dog breed.

oh theyre hypoallergenic! all of them, all the time cause zero allergies! look theyre so much better than poodles! theyre friendly and easy to train, not like poodles of course, just like labs! they’re better than labs bc none of them shed, ever! they’re super healthy bc breeding labs and poodles together wipes out all their health problems, of course!

lies, lies lies. the aussie guy, whose name i’m not going to look up bc i’m lazy but who you can find if you google creator of doodles, straight up says that even the first litter(s) of labradoodles he bred had puppies that the people he bred them for were allergic to. he very carefully tested the litter and the reaction the person had before placing a puppy that was not going to hurt them.

think of the punnet squares we all learned about in 5th grade science class. you draw the squares and one parent has two fur genes and the other parent has two hair genes and what do you get? well if you have four puppies, one might have hairhair and the next one might have hairfur and the next one might have furhair and the next one might have furfur. and so guess what? only hairhair pup is going to be the best choice for allergic people. additionally, you can see why the non-shedding thing can be bullshit, and that in particular is also a guessing game. you may be able to test allergy sufferers against the pups, but that does not necessarily mean they won’t shed. hairfur, for example, may be a good choice for some allergic people, but perhaps they’ve got just enough fur to shed anyway. also, lets look at salukis (and frankly, most long-haired sighthounds). salukis are still considered dogs with fur, not hair. they also still shed, even though it’s just a little. and yet they’re still considered good for allergy sufferers.

(ps poodles do actually shed. but they shed like humans shed. your hair comes out, doesn’t it? like, esp folks with long hair, aren’t people always complaining how you clog the shower drain? yeah, like that. ALSO obviously the situation is more complicated then super simple punnet squares and as an ex-groomer i have something to say about doodle coats but i’m going to save that for later, put a pin in it.)

oh and wait a hot minute there. i said best choice, didn’t i, not hypoallergenic. well, that’s because no dog is hypoallergenic. poodles, and a few other dog breeds, they have hair, like we do. but the thing is both humans and breeds with hair still produce the dander, though they’re different kinds. breeds with hair happen to produce the least amount possible that dogs can produce, which is why they’re a better choice for allergy sufferers, but that’s still not a guarantee. my roommate Dakota is allergic to dogs. if i don’t wash my dogs for an extended period of time (which has never happened, ever, in my life, idk what ur talking about), thus giving the chance for the dander my dogs still produce, he will have a very, very mild reaction when touching them. it can be countered by him washing his hands after touching them and also me just giving them a fucking bath, i need to stop forgetting, but still, there you go. ALSO people might not be allergic to dogs bc of their dander. they might be allergic to the saliva of dogs, which poodles or any other breed with hair still produces about the same as other dogs. so, yeah, not hypoallergenic, not at all.

the people who taut their hypoallergenic dogs for sale largely don’t do the testing required to check if they’re actually providing a dog to someone who won’t react to it. not acceptable at all.

so, labs are friendly and easy to train right? not at all like poodles, right? no. absolutely incorrect. some labs are friendly and easy to train. some labs, a lot of them when they’re puppies, are nightmare fuel. personally, i have a theory that everyone’s vision of labs in their heads are either a) service dogs or b) those old labs who are slightly pudgy (or morbidly obsess, which is a different topic) and who are graying in the face and just want to lounge around because they’re seniors now. alright, so here’s why thats bad. labs are a working breed. a retrieving breed. they’re supposed to be bulky and strong and driven. service dogs are highly trained, to a point that most pet dogs will never see, and if you see them with their actual disabled handler, they’ll probably be around 2.5 yrs of age and out of their most wild days. old labs are well. old. sleepy. maybe a bit achey. and well out of their most wild days. oh, and it’s the same type of thing with goldens by the way, the other most popular doodle type. poodles are also easy to train, especially if their parents have a decent temperament. they’re all about equal if you actually start training them when they’re puppies and just pay for some training classes, like everyone should. in the puppy classes i’m in right now, Euphoria is leaps and bounds ahead of doodles, goldens, and labs that are her age or older. I train her properly and she’s got amazing parents. that’s it, that’s the trick. not breed, not necessarily, and def not in this case.

I am once again going to say that labs and goldens are more often used as service dogs than poodles because of their adaptability, but it’s the ability to adapt to situations that most pet dogs will never have to worry about.

jeez this is a long post. i’ve still got more to cover too. alright, on to super healthy, or “hybrid vigor” as the nerds call it. uhh, it’s bullshit. thank u for ur time.

okay, but actually why on gods green earth would breeding two completely different breeds with little to no research make them super healthy? now i want to preface this with i’m (generally) pro-outcross projects. Euphoria’s dad is half mini poodle and half standard poodle, which isn’t technically an outcross bc all the variations are of the same breed, but if we’re going by genetic diversity alone minis and standards are different enough to actually be different breeds.

so, to be clear, outcrosses, given the proper thought and planning: good, results in healthier dogs (see: lua dals). randomly breeding two very different breeds together with no planning other than to sell the puppies to randos who won’t continue the outcross: bad. especially when you’re doing it to cash in and don’t health test at all, or don’t health test the major health problems with both breeds (if you’re doing an f2 breeding or anything like that). no the poodle’s health problems don’t get canceled out by the goldens or labs or whatever the other party’s health problems are, and vice versa. and yeah, i’ve looked at a lot of doodle breeder’s websites and yeah, most of them don’t health test at all, or at least don’t health test properly. do you know i own one doodle and currently live with another? yeah, i got them both from breeders and do you know how much health testing their parents got? if your answer is none, good job, you’ve been paying attention. in my defense, i was like 13, i didn’t know what i was doing.

alright, so those are the big points. this is kinda gonna be just... a mix of my other complaints. here we go, hope you’re ready for more. argument the first: i feel like it’s pretty disrespectful to reputable breeders. now, i actually have two reasons why that is. reason one: most reputable poodle breeders don’t want their breeding stock bred with other breeds, for various reasons. i’ve even met a few who used to be okay with it and then as the doodle scam got bigger and more out of control, they stopped being okay with it, even to the breeders who they had been fine with it in the past. that means a lot of doodle breeders out there have their breeding stock because they scammed poodle breeders into giving them pet quality, not breeding quality, dogs or because they’re getting their stock from non-reputable breeders. i also feel it’s disrespectful to breeders who are actually trying to create new breeds. quite frankly, a breed with the size, strength, and adaptability of a lab or golden that doesn’t shed and that has the train-ability of a poodle, lab, or golden sounds pretty interesting to me. did you know you can actually make that breed? and it wouldn’t be a cross with unpredictable... well, everything. it would actually be a true dog breed.

Look at Silken Windhounds and Biewer Terriers who began both development in the 1980s. Biewer Terriers were recognized by the AKC this year, and Silken Windhounds still haven’t been. And yeah, that’s the problem isn’t it? Making a real new breed takes a lot of time, planning, and care. People would rather just cash in. I think it’s sad and I think it’s disrespectful to the breeders who do work so hard to make actual new breeds.

and finally, unpin being an ex-groomer goddamnit. guess what? doodles are awful to groom! they’re terrible on the grooming tables because people want to have in both ways: they want a dog that doesnt shed at all and they want a dog who doesn’t need to be groomed. well guess what, that dog doesn’t exist and you can have it only one way. and also, bring back the goddamn punnet squares because a lot of doodles have awful coats. if you have hairfur and furhair over there, guess what, their coat fucking sucks bc it’s not meant to be like that. it wants to mat bc hair but also it wants the mats to slide out bc short-ish fur but its too thick for the mats to slide out bc thick hair. and yes its more complicated then this and that means its often more awful then this. its awful, it makes me want to cry. and maybe it’s slightly easier to get away with it with a shorthaired dog like a lab, or, you know what, even a golden, okay, even a slightly long haired dog like a golden but people are doodling akitas? border collies? bernese fucking mountain dogs? i am crying. i am crying right now as i type this.

lets do a sum up to this disaster of a post. look, i don’t go out there attacking or yelling at every doodle or every doodle owner i see, alright? or any of them really. i might engage in conversation to one that’s interested, but that’s it. i love my doodly Isis, okay? shes tiny and she’s adorable and I love her more than life and i will never, ever get another doodle. i don’t like the way they’ve gotten so prolific, i don’t like the reasons they’re now widespread, and i don’t like almost all of the people that create them, including the ones i’ve literally given my (parents) money to in the past. i wish they were better but i just cannot approve of them, especially not in the environment they exist in now. that said, i do support them in their original use case as assistance dogs, and i do not care about them if they’re shelter dogs.

[little-writings]

can i request a fanfic where mc is a veterinarian with her own clinic and the reason she meets jumin is because of elizabeth needing a checkup!

Oh my goodness absolutely! This was actually so fun to write! 

Anyhow, I hope you have an amazing day and enjoy!

———————————————————————————————————–

“How long has it been since Elizabeth 3rd has been to the vet?” V asked, grinning fondly as the snowy-white cat pressed against his legs, a purr beginning to rumble in her throat.  

“She doesn’t need to see a vet. She’s in perfect health.” Jumin remarked, fiddling with the cuffs of his sleeves absentmindedly. “I have a chef prepare her a perfectly figured diet, one of the most  accalimed groomers brush her coat once a week, and-”  

“They’re supposed to get examined yearly.”  

“Who are?”  

V scoffed. “Cats, dogs, and any other animal you could call a pet.”  

“I’ll see about having a house veterinarian come by.”  

“Well, I’ve actually been hearing quite a bit about a certain veterinarian. I think you’d like them.”  

“Are they on call?”  

“No, they have a well-established practice downtown.”  

“Then I’m not interested.” Jumin stated matter-of-factly. “Taking Elizabeth 3rd outside presents too many risks. She could get hurt, lost or both – or even worse. I would never forgive myself if that were to happen.”  

V’s brows furrowed behind his tinted frames. “They’re apparently one of the best in the country. I hear there’s not a pet they don’t get along with.”  

“I would hope so, being a professional. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s an on-site practice. Any potential danger to Elizabeth 3rd isn’t worth it.”  

“Do you really think I’d recommend something that could hurt Elizabeth 3rd?”  

Jumin jerked his head to V and found himself stumbling over his words, cornered by his own stubborn mind. “What? No, I ah – no of course not.”  

The ends of V’s lips curled up and he knelt down to scratch Elizabeth behind the ears, her quiet purring volume erupting to that of a lawnmower.  

“Then give them a try.”  

Jumin wrinkled his nose. “Why are you so adamant?”  

“Because,” V simpered. “I think you’d like them.”  

Jumin didn’t have to ask the next question for V to know what he was wondering.  

“They’re professional and very devoted to their work,” He rose to his feet and rummaged through his jacket, snagging a crisp, clean card from his pocket. He gave it to Jumin who eyed it curiously.  

“In fact, they remind me of you.”  

Jumin paused. Pawprints bordered the card alongside hearts and a phone number he supposed he had no choice but to call at this point. He hardly saw V enough these days, the last thing he wanted to do was disappoint him.  

“I’ll… I’ll think about it.”  

And so, later that evening, he found himself calling.  

“Loving Paws Animal Hospital, how can I help you?” The voice on the other line was sickeningly sweet and welcoming, as though dipped in honey and soaked in sugar.  

Jumin paused and bit the inside of his cheek, swallowing his pride. ”Yes, I’d like to speak to your lead veterinarian?”  

“MC? They’re currently with a client at the moment, but I’d be more than happy to transfer you to their voicemail. Have we seen the pet before?”  

“No. No one has.”  

The secretary must’ve been left at a loss at the stern tone and proclamation, but she did her best regardless against the statue that was Jumin Han.

“So, it’s a new pet?”  

“No.”

“Then… you’re a new client?”  

“Yes. Potentially.”  

Jumin heard an attempt at a stifled snicker and the hospital gained a mental strike in his mind.  

“Okay well, I’ll just go ahead and transfer you to MC’s voicemail. You have a wonderful day, sir!”

That sugary sweetness returned once more, perhaps even more high-pitched than it had been. There was a pause on the other line before your voicemail began. Your voice, in comparison, was light, airy. Jumin could only think of a pleasant song when listening to it – something he found himself falling into.

“Hi this is MC, I can’t get to the phone right now but if you’ll leave a message I’ll do my best to get back to you as soon as I can!”

Despite all the preparedness Jumin thought he might’ve had, he still managed to stumble the second that alerting sound went off.

“I-I ah yes – my name is Jumin Han, and I was considering setting up an appointment for my cat, Elizbeth 3rd. It’s just for an annual exam, though I don’t even think she really needs it she’s in pristine-”

Jumin realized he was rambling and cleared his throat sheepishly.

“Anyways, I was hoping I could ask you some questions before making a final decision. If you would call me back, it’d be appreciated. Thank you.”

Jumin let out a deep sigh and relented to the horrible process of waiting.

You returned the phone call in the evening when the warm oranges, purples, and slightest hues of a deep, murky blue were settling in and spreading overhead. Jumin answered in an instant.

“Hi! Is this Mr. Han?” Your voice was even softer beyond a recorded message. You sounded sweet, but just the tiniest bit tired.

“Yes. MC, isn’t it? I’ve heard many things about you.”

You chuckled. “Good things I hope.”

A smile tugged at Jumin’s face. “Good things only. It has set my expectations high.”

“Well, I’d be delighted to meet those expectations, Mr. Han. Now, what can I do for your Elizabeth 3rd?”

“Technically speaking, there is nothing that’s necessary. Elizabeth 3rd is perfectly taken care of. I simply can’t imagine any problems arising for such a creature.”

“And what kind of perfect creature is she?”

“She is a Persian.”

You thought for a moment, and Jumin could hear a pen tapping against a desk. “Persian cats can have some complications, even if they’re in otherwise perfect living conditions. Unfortunately, it just comes with the breed.”

A sudden twisting of knots appeared in Jumin’s stomach. He tensed. “Such as…?”

“Well, you know their cute little smushed faces? Like pugs their nasal passages are shorter and more susceptible to their environments.”

Jumin opened his mouth to speak, but you continued on like a textbook’s worth of knowledge had just been released.

“And Persians specifically are prone to polycystic kidney disease, and you have to watch out for that because if ignored when they reach eight or nine years old they could suddenly collapse and die-”

You stopped yourself. You might’ve not needed to jump to that immediate conclusion.

“But I uh – it is also perfectly possible that Elizabeth 3rd is in a completely healthy state!”

Jumin was now staring wide-eyed at Elizabeth 3rd who sat uncaringly in the center of the living room. She was grooming herself and only her tail was lightly swaying from side to side across the carpet. She appeared almost serene.

‘They could suddenly collapse and die.”

A pit crumpled in Jumin’s insides.

“When’s the soonest I can come in?”

You laughed nervously. There was a clicking of a computer mouse and a brief moment of silence where you glanced through the schedule. “I can squeeze you in tomorrow afternoon?”

“I’ll be there.”

“Mr. Han… are you okay?”

Jumin looked once more at Elizabeth 3rd who now raised her head to meet him. She closed and opened her eyes slowly, mewing.

“I will be when I know Elizabeth 3rd is okay.”

You sighed. “It sounds like Elizabeth 3rd has a very devoted pet parent. She is lucky to have you Mr. Han.”

“I am lucky to have her.”

The call ended soon after with you meekly attempting to assuage his fears, and Jumin beginning to pace about Elizabeth like any cause for concern he’d already miss would simply leap out for a dramatic entrance.

Jumin could now hardly wait for the appointment he considered pointless just hours ago.

V may or may not have received multiple texts of concerns throughout the night. The internet truly did not help the situation.

‘I read online that Persians with blue eyes can have something called Congenital ankyloblepharon. While the website says it’s not deadly, another said it’s linked to a fatal disease.’

‘Because of Elizabeth’s small nasal passage, a website is now telling me Elizabeth will more than likely develop a heart condition. Elizabeth 3rd does not deserve this.’

V had begged him to just wait until tomorrow and Jumin reluctantly agreed.

When the appointment finally arrived, Jumin had made sure Elizabeth would only travel in the best his wealth could provide. However, diamond-encrusted cat carriers apparently took a great deal of time to create, so a polyester and mesh carrier would have to do – lined with sherpa, of course, and filled with her favorite toys.

While Jumin had been anxious and fidgety the entire drive, Elizabeth 3rd was curious, excited even. When Elizabeth was pawing at the mesh lining to peek closer at the car window Jumin was tugging at his sleeves and holding his breath. Even Driver Kim took notice, though his support did little to ease his worries.

He only felt a little ease when he finally arrived at the clinic. The secretary had been stunned at the famous heir’s arrival, but quickly recognized his voice. Her surprise then shifted to amusement, a sly smile stretched across her face.

“Hello Mr. Han! How’re you doing today?”

Jumin furrowed his brow, glancing away. “I am… anticipating my meeting with MC.”

“Stressed for the little lady?” The secretary pointed with her pen to Elizabeth 3rd, now rolled over on her back and playing with one of her toys. This was easily one of her favorite days already.

“Very much so.” Jumin answered.

“We’ll be sure to get you in quick then.”

Jumin nodded hurriedly, and sat down. When his name was called he nearly tripped from how quickly he shot up. It was a… difficult day for maintaining composure.

He ran his fingers through his hair, took a deep breath, and then proceeded on through the hall where you waited in the consulting room.

He hadn’t quite known what he’d expected when he saw you, but he still found himself without words, if only for a second. Your face was kind, far more than the ones he’d known throughout his life with eyes that offered a sense of comfort to soften the stress so clearly brimming at the surface.

“Hi Mr. Han.” You set a ginger hand on Jumin’s shoulder, offering a warm smile. “I heard you’re feeling a little concerned for Elizabeth 3rd?”

“That is an understatement.”

You folded your lips in thought, drawing your hand away only to lightly clap, determined. “Well I’ve never met an animal I can’t help, and I don’t intend to stop now.”

A bit of the weight dropped from Jumin’s chest. You tapped against the examination table – a heavy counter in the center of the room with a smooth, thick surface.

The room itself was decorated with pictures of animals surrounded by varying degrees of puns. The one the most caught Jumin’s eye was a photo of a cat, tail tucked just over its paws and a sweet expression beneath the words, ‘you’re purrfect.’

He wondered if you chose that one personally. He hoped so.

Jumin unzipped the carrier atop the counter for Elizabeth 3rd to poke out. She only hesitated for a moment before stepping out to greet your hand, fingers outstretched for her to curiously sniff. You beamed at the very sight of her, leaning down as she dipped her head against your hand, eager to be pet.

“Hello, Ms. Elizabeth! Aren’t you beautiful?” You scratched her cheek and her purring began, akin to a lawnmower. “She’s so sweet!”

Jumin watched as you examined her, flashing a light in her eyes and ears, squeezing her tummy for any masses, and flexing her legs for achy joints. Her temperature was normal, not even a rapid heart rate.

“Now I don’t want to stress her out on her first visit but I recommend we do an ultrasound,” You had remarked, rubbing her belly in one of the rare opportunities that a cat not only tolerated such an action but enjoyed it. Elizabeth 3rd was a rare creature indeed. “It’s just to make sure she doesn’t have anything bad developing in her kidneys.” 

“Do you expect there to be anything?” 

Elizabeth pawed playfully at your fingers, pulling them close to rub her cheeks against them when you relented. You had to draw your gaze back to Jumin to keep yourself from becoming distracted. It was rare to see Elizabeth 3rd warming up to someone so quickly. “Do I?” 

You paused, and then laughed. “Of course you’re asking me, I’m sorry! I don’t know what got into me – she’s just such a cutie! But ah – no I don’t. Elizabeth 3rd is as close to perfect as it gets. You weren’t kidding when you said how well she’s taken care of.” 

“She means the world to me.” Jumin hummed, Elizabeth tipping her head to see him and meowing. She almost appeared to smile when he scratched just beneath her chin. 

“May I ask how you found her?” 

Jumin hesitated, remembering the golden hair and slender hands that once held Elizabeth. It brought a pang. 

“She was a gift from someone dear.” 

You could see Jumin’s sadness so easily. You could only make your best effort to soften the hurt. “They must’ve known you two would be perfect for each other.” 

Jumin lifted his head to look up at you, and you smiled. It was gentle, and at that moment, brighter than the very sun. You wore your heart on your sleeve, and it was beautiful. He grinned, if only gently. “Thank you.” 

“Just being honest.” 

The ultrasound was an experience. Jumin thought you had to be lying or attempting a cruel joke when you brought the clippers. There was simply no way you truly could want to ruin Elizabeth’s coat! 

You had promised only the ‘teeny-tiniest’ area would be shaved, but you also promised it’d be cute. Jumin couldn’t completely disagree. 

You had him hold her still during the ordeal, his hands folded over her front legs and keeping her close as you carefully ran the clippers over her stomach. Elizabeth simply rubbed her head against Jumin’s suit. 

“See! Look at that little pink tummy!” You pointed to the now thin white hairs where just between the faintest hints of skin could be spotted. You encouraged Jumin to run his hand over and it was… oddly soft if admittedly strange. 

“There’s no way you don’t think that’s adorable.” You exclaimed. 

“It’s not not adorable. 

That made you laugh. 

The procedure itself was quick and easy. The probe found no problems within Elizabeth’s kidneys and the only issue that arose was Elizabeth 3rd squeaking in surprise at the cold gel spread over her stomach. 

“I’m sorry sweetie, I’ll get this chilly stuff off you quick, okay?” 

You made plenty of little comments like those to Elizabeth 3rd. While many others would hardly regard something as minuscule you took every effort to make Elizabeth 3rd comfortable. Jumin noticed each and every time. You were doting. 

Just as you said, you wiped her clean, only peppering her in pets all over her belly and sides as she could rollover. 

“She is the picture of health, Mr. Han. The only thing I’d recommend is we make these ultrasounds yearly to keep an eye on her – and so I can see her again.” 

Jumin chuckled. “I take it she’s swept you off your feet?” 

“Like she’s my prince charming.” You snickered. “I’m a sucker for pretty kitties.” 

“I’m glad someone else can appreciate Elizabeth 3rd for her perfection.” 

You nodded. “I also appreciate the owner that’s given her the chance to flourish so much.” 

There was a different type of pang in his chest and the tiniest bit of red flickered upon Jumin’s cheeks. Either you didn’t notice, or you didn’t say anything. 

But you smiled. 

“I ah – I might need to bring her in again sooner than her next yearly. I’ve been researching and read of other conditions in her breed that I’d like to look into.” 

You caught on quick. “Right, and we wouldn’t want to overwhelm Elizabeth 3rd with so much on her first visit! It might be best to stretch these concerns over multiple appointments just so we can do the best job possible for her.” 

“And you can teach me what to look out for and how to find them.” Jumin settled Elizabeth 3rd back in her carrier, pawing at you through the mesh, pink pads just barely peeking through. 

“Of course! And you are more than welcome to call! In fact…” 

You tore off a piece of paper from your notes, scribbling quickly before giving it to him. “Here is my personal phone number, for any questions you may have.” 

Jumin smirked and tucked it away in his pocket. “I expect I could find quite a few until our next appointment.” 

You clicked your pen, simpering. “I’ll be patiently waiting, Mr. Han.” 

“Jumin is fine.” He stretched out his hand, palm open. “In fact, allow me to properly introduce myself – we weren’t given the proper chance. I’m Jumin Han. It is a pleasure to meet you.” 

Warmth reached your cheeks, but you didn’t object, returning the gesture with a firm grip. “MC. The pleasure is all mine. I really do look forward to seeing you again, Jumin.” 

It was rare Jumin could say the same, but for once he did, he truly, truly did. 

“As do I.” 

[lorei-writes]

Match-Up #19

@cheese-ception​, your time has come! *insert eternal flame*

Hmm... Well then, given how their public personas seem rather contradictory of each other, I would guess it would be something alike to hiding behind a mask of jokes and confidence and perhaps having interests alike to those of Yoshimoto? Regardless, both of them do share the tendency to self-sacrifice. They also think that they may die at any moment and so, must live to the fullest in the moment (whether it would mean indulging in art or simply choosing not to have regrets).  I presume that it could perhaps indicate that a calm partner with a soothing presence would be a good idea? Somebody level enough to bring logic into play when feelings take control?

Mitsuhide (+1) Mitsunari (+1) Shingen (+1)

Only one? Hmm... But which? Eh, leaving me with such a hard task and making me choose, cruel, I say, cruel... Well then, you’re very smart in regards to humans, as in, understanding why they may act a certain way. It may not make it any easier to apply to yourself, though. I would also like to note that in case of a partner being in need of support, I wouldn’t be surprised if you hid your needs for the time being - or to have decided to take care of them completely on your own, had the suitor been in constant need of emotional support.

Nobunaga (-1) Mitsuhide (-1) Hideyoshi (+1) Mitsunari (+1) Ieyasu (+1) Kenshin (-1) Shingen (+1)

Loyalty is truly a treasured quality, indeed. I presume it would be  particularly appreciated by those who had to always stay vigilant or lack stability in their lives.

Nobunaga (+1) Mitsuhide (+1) Hideyoshi (+1) Masamune (+1) Shingen (+1)

Oh, being determined to reach your goals? That’s awesome... However, as you’ve pointed out - it’s equally important to know when to give up. As such, I’d perhaps go forward with suitors who would be able to stop your drive a little. If that was impossible, I’d at least advise against those who’d think similarly, as not to amplify it.

Nobunaga (-1) Hideyoshi (+1) Mitsunari (+1) Masamune (-1) Kenshin (+1) Yukimura (-1)

Secrets? Hm... I can see how being able to keep those could be treasured by suitors who fear showing any weakness. I presume that those who need to gather information and employ the art of espionage could appreciate it too.

Mitsuhide (+1) Ieyasu (+1) Masamune (+1) Shingen (+1)

Ahh, cooking! Well, I suppose it can be either a shared interest of... A way of forcing others to take care of themsleves?

Mitsuhide (+1) Mitsunari (+1) Masamune (+1)

I am surprised negative self-image did not make it on the list... But, I am not adding anything to it, no-no-no. :3 Deal with having technically used only 4/5 points, sweets. *evil laughter* 

I presume that suitors who are at least somewhat fluent in emotion could be a good idea to counter both anxiety and depression. It may not make matters any better, but at least the chances of them worsening it are lower. Then, to target anxiety in particular, I would perhaps look towards very honest and genuine characters. However, I would also like to point out that they perhaps should not be too spontaneous - it may not be a necessarily bad thing, but being presented with stability from the very beginning may be soothing.  Lastly, I suppose that understanding suitors may be a good choice.

Nobunaga (-2) Hideyoshi (+3) Mitsunari (+4) Kenshin (-2) Shingen (+2) Yukimura (+2) Kennyo (+2)

Chronic illness is hard to deal with, indeed. I presume that a lifestyle that isn’t too intense may be preferable. I suppose that a reliable partner would be necessary too. Now, I don’t think they’d necessarily have to know how to do everything... But then, they should be creative enough to solve the issue without relying on their significant other. Another thing to note: I suppose that it may be best if the other person did not experience severe health problems.

Nobunaga (+1) Mitsuhide (-2) Hideyoshi (+2) Mitsunari (+2) Ieyasu (+2) Kenshin (-1) Kennyo (+2) Now, since it happened for the second time: if a character does not appear in a list, but meets criteria for it? It’s because they scored equal number of positive and negative points, hence ending with a zero. They were not omitted. 

To counter the third listed point (being better at taking care of yourself when somebody reminds you to and shows effort towards it at first), I presume we could just... List the characters who do that.

Hideyoshi (+1) Masamune (+1) Yukimura (+1)

As for the last point... Since it happened only two times in 34 years of your life, I suppose it may be negligeable. Even though I have an odd feeling that Nobunaga could trigger that. Hm. 

1st Summary:

Mitsunari (+10) Hideyoshi (+9) Shingen (+5) Ieyasu (+4) Kennyo (+4) Masamune (+3) Yukimura (+2) Nobunaga (-2) Kenshin (-3)

I’m afraid I’m not a favourite of any of the warlords, so I cannot distribute any points for the last mentioned thing, haha. As for the remaining ones:

Mitsuhide (+2) - treating people as equals, lifting others up Hideyoshi (+1) - lifting others up, treating people as equals, but also: telling others what to do Mitsunari (+2) - treating people as equals, lifting others up Masamune (+2) - as above^ Shingen (+3) - as above ^ + he could like candied ginger - and he definitely would share the sweets. 

Points distributed for dislikes:

Nobunaga (-1) - causing situations that could have been avoided (and were not, partially because of his ego) Ieyasu (-3) - at first he judges MC based on assumptions, some situations could have been avoided if it were not for his stubbornness, he tries to change MC at first Masamune (-2) - he may at times go into risky situations that could otherwise be avoided (whether it makes sense depends on perspective, I suppose), he at first tires to change MC

All suitors would be delivered positive points for standing in opposition of disrespecting people based on arbitrarty criteria, such as status - and as such, no points were given out based on this dislike

2nd Summary:

Mitsunari (+12) Hideyoshi (+10) Shingen (+8) Kennyo (+4) Masamune (+3) Mitsuhide (+2) Yukimura (+2) Ieyasu (+1) Nobunaga (-3) Kenshin (-3)

Only characters with positive value by their names will be considered in the last stages of the match-up.

Yukimura (+2) - may seem too juvenile  Shingen (+8) - I presume that his way of trying to get close to MC borders coercion (he presents their chats an an opportunity to gain data, but truly, it’s a sneaky tactic to get her attention and time)

It seems none of the remaining warlords would meet any of the listed pet peeves. 

It does not help at all, but you get sparkle points for being cute, yes.

Sparkle points: +100

It seems they’ve shown themselves out by now, haha.

Final Ranking

Mitsunari (+12) Hideyoshi (+10) Kennyo (+4)

Mitsunari

Confessed first: You - and only then did he realise that the emotion he was experiencing was just that, love.

Makes tea in the morning: You.

Hogs blankets at night: You.

Is the little spoon: You, most of the time.

Possible points for conflict: Mitsunari has a strong tendency to overwork himself. As much as he’s trying to counter it, he still may forget about sleep and eating if situation demanded it... And he may be a bit hypocritical in that regard, as he’d surely get worried if you did the same. In other words: the infinite loop of “you must take better care of yourself”.

Free time ideas: Mitsunari reading you books aloud, simply lounging and taking a moment to breathe while petting Kitty, going out to eat, cooking together - with Mitsunari trying to be truly helpful and not just an obstacle in the way

Favourite date spot: The garden opposite of archives. 

A secret you share: Mitsunari is aware of your health conditions, but he would never tell anybody about them without your consent. He oftentimes goes a bit out of his way to accomodate for them, which sometimes rises confusion among the other warlords - he just brushes it off as his own new quirk.

His favourite thing about you: How knowledgeable and truly smart you are. It would suffice to say that you’ve broadened his horizons a lot.

His message to you: “Thanks for loving me despite all of my flaws. I will do my best as to work on them, prince... My love.”

[firepiplup]

How do i say no to people

You know that analogy about people with adhd having spoons for energy management or whatever? My spoons are on backorder from like 2 months ago and more got on that list now

The problem is that all of the things I'm being asked to do are Very Important Things

I have to feed my diabetic cat. This in itself is not a problem, however she's needs to eat at a specific time (12 hour spacing) and my current sleeping situation along with work do not allow this to happen consistently. Currently trying for 7:30, we'll see how it goes

My apartment has bedbugs, and there's no way in fucking hell I'm sleeping on my living room floor until my scumlord landlord actually gets the guy to come back to spray because he did spray but I'm still seeing adults and i "need to give the spray time to work" it's been fucking 2 weeks i don't know how is supposed to work but i feel like after 2 weeks whatever spray you did isn't going to get any stronger i just want to sleep in my own bed it's been like this since fucking March

With that part explained, I'm sleeping at my mom's house on the other side of town. This in itself isn't much of a problem, however as "payment" i have to take care of her dog in the morning, to practice because she's going on a week long vacation in October and none of her dogs can just be taken care of like normal dogs. He needs to wear a diaper to leave the room while i pick up his shit and soiled weewee pad and mop the floor, give him some time to be out of his room, and then feed him his special food mix. The other dog has allergies and probably will get into something he shouldn't, then not use the bathroom outside even though he literally has a doggy door that has constant access to the backyard. Neither dog get along with each other, which is why they are separated. Thank fuck the cat is just normal, this is why i prefer them

Now with THAT explained, it's difficult to take care of my own cat on time in the morning. But as the legendary Billy Mays says: But wait, there's more!

I just got rehired at my job working in a local understaffed pizzeria. My friend, ego also works there, is on vacation (good for her, she deserves it, absolutely no negativity towards her) so i have acquired her hours. So i now work 6 days a week, kinda sorta clopen but i guess it's more of opelose. Or a combination of both? Idk. The point here is, I'm then dealing with essentially running half a restaurant alone 6 days a week, with it not being 7 purely because the owner himself ALSO has the same work schedule as far as I'm aware, and wanted to give himself a day off, and since we are so understaffed it would be impossible unless we literally closed. My tasks include answering the phone, washing dishes, making sandwiches, making dinners, folding pizza boxes, and cleaning the tables/equipment on that side of the restaurant. So essentially everything except making pizzas, cleaning the pizza area, mopping in general, and driving. We generally close at 9, 10 on Friday and Saturday. Guess who was explicitly rehired to close those days? Guess how that's going to work with me having to be home around 7:30 to take care of my own cat? I have no idea either. It's only for about 3 weeks, but my mom, whom i have not asked for any additional help with anything, won't feed the cat while i have work, even though there isn't a guarantee that i can leave on time to THEN RETURN to close, because again I'm the only one on that side of the building. I understand the fear of the bedbugs, so that's probably it, but it still fucking sucks because the kitchen is on the other side of the apartment from the bedroom and there is literally no reason to go there to feed her. But i get it

Did we get to where i can do my own ADLs? Of course not. My neighbor is in the hospital, and her husband is blind. This is a new development that was only discovered an hour before starting this post (about 3:30 am for me). She's ok, it's for mental health reasons, and that's her own business about that. Her husband being blind is not a new development however. And he needs help taking care of the pets, specifically the birds. Which is fine, they just also need to eat on their own schedule. 8am, around lunchtime, and 8pm. Guess who's still at work? One of the birds is special needs because her beak got injured and needs to be essentially spoon fed. Which the blind husband can't do at all. Fairly simple task, but just adding to my obligations that are Very Important because they involve making sure things don't starve to death while my neighbor is in Crisis

Ok let's see, that's 4 Very Important Tasks/Obligations, and only one was originally my own voluntary one. Still not at taking care of myself yet, but i have my shelter, i have my job ("part time" minimum wage, hurray. Part time because even with me being there 6 fucking days a week open to close it still isn't technically enough hours for the state to recognize it as full time), and I'm taking care of *counting* about 8 pets for the next week. Will unemployment give me my money that I've been claiming since March? No? Will they let me claim with my new working hours that makes that while process even harder? Technically but it'll take over an hour for it to process and it doesn't even do that in the end? Well fuck, guess i have to wait to get paid on the books in cash and beg for a hand written paystub and have my hours worked written down. Glad i earned $100 this week, i hope now that my hours have increased i get some more

Next on the list, appointments. Because I'm a dumbass who can't remember shit if it isn't consistently recurring, i overbooked myself for next week. My much needed therapy appointment with my therapist that I've only met once and is the replacement for my much better therapist that i actually had a relationship with is supposed to have a session with me on Tuesday. Will i remember to do it this time? Possibly since i actually remembered it's on Tuesday. Will she send me the reminder text with the zoom link? Probably not. Wednesday, my one day off, thank fuck for that, is the main problem with the scheduling. My med appointment is for 11:30. Cool, can do. Driving lesson at 12. Oh, that's a little close, but i can manage that probably. I only average 1 lesson per year and a half, so it's fine, it's "healthy" to be nervous about operating a death machine powered by explosions. Have to go to social services to pick up, or attempt to, a new food stamps card. They probably close at 5, and add a Non Driver, i need to rely on someone to take me. The sooner the better, but it can't be during the lesson. Don't forget to take care of the creatures before and during all of this.

Ok. Great. There's an hour before work. Time to shower, because it's so fucking hot I'll be sweating like crazy by the time i get around the corner to the pizzeria, with me literally getting out and dressed and then walking out the door. Glad i finally did still to take care of myself. Eating? I might have something i can heat up quickly while the cat eats and so i can take my own meds. Dishes? Those are going to have to wait, i hope the heat wave doesn't get too bad, but it's been like this for a while, still slowly chipping away at them. Sleep? Severe insomnia. I partially blame the bed, my mattress is so comfortable, i hope the bedbugs like it because i can't fucking use it right now. I'd be sleeping so fucking soundly if i were in my own bed, and yet here i am. Maybe i should take the Trazodone now. I just hope I'll wake up on time. Oh look I'm exhausted, can't afford to buy comparatively better prepared coffee from Dunkin, so i guess my shitty at home coffee is going to have to do. Black because i don't have any creamer or milk or lactose free milk in my house. Just the way i hate it. Gonna have to deal with that i guess, maybe I'll learn to like it

The coffee pot lives in my fridge now. I'm worried to put it with the other dishes because if it sits there, not being washed like everything else, then i won't even have the option of coffee. It's just water and ground up beans, I'm sure it's fine

Maybe i can find some kind of coping skill/hobby to help me through my limited me time. Let's see.... I like to crochet, and that helps me get through the dishes by letting me alternate between them and a row/round on one of my many started projects. What? It's in a giant garbage bag with a bedbug treatment stick because of the damn ass bedbugs? Can't open it for at least another week and even then there isn't a place to put the yarn safely? Well fuck. I found that really helpful with keeping me grounded. Umm, well looking online, i should *checks notes* buy new yarn in the meantime and keep it somewhere safe. Uh, well, i can't afford more yarn now and i have nowhere to put it. Videogames it is maybe? Oh fuck now I've hyper focused too long on pokemon, rhythm heaven, and whatever daily games i do, i think i have 5 of those of varying lengths of time spent on them

Did i remember to brush my teeth? No. Do i remember that i should and then when i get out of the shower so i forget to actually execute? Yes. Have i gone insane? Probably

How many spoons is a person supposed to have per day? It takes more for me just to get through the day in general. Why does everyone need me to do their Very Important Tasks? Why is there never anyone else? Can my neighbor just not buy more birds when she gets home from Crisis?

I just want to have good mental health, why is this so hard

[1zashreena1]

Trading Trauma -13

18+, m/f, technically OCxDiego Jimenez [Power]

Summary:  They share the rough stuff while trying to figure out how to be gentle with each other. And an antagonist?

WARNINGS: Ridiculous descriptions and ‘the code is more like guidelines’ outlook on grammar. Is it OOC if the character was given essentially zero development in canon???

Detailed discussion of abuse in all forms- Physical-Mental-Emotional-Verbal*** SERIOSULY HEED THIS WARNING Anxiety attacks, vague hinting at mental-behavioral health disorders, plus size woman+fit man, This one is all feels and 

I Am So Sorry.

A/N:  Princess took on a life of her own and has essentially become an OC. There are infrequent mentions of her description (specifically as plus size) and her actual name in later pieces (its Bicki). She started as self-insert so she looks like me (plus size, white, short, blue eyes, curly hair). If that is not your thing, I totally understand. And do not feel obligated to read this, I will not be offended!

I’m not a fan of “plot” so be aware that most of this series is just meandering through their relationship, angst-fluff-smut whiplash style. But with dick jokes.

TAGLIST: @chelsfic ​ @symbiont13 ​ @nicke0115 ​​ @bunnykjm ​ @rosee-sensuelle ​ @girlpornparadise ​ @mandoplease ​ @heresathreebee ​ @xxsteph-enrixx ​ @jetiikad ​ @joalsglasses ​ @mutantcookiesecrets ​ @demoncatstone ​ @squidlywiddly87 ​ @lockedoutofmyotherblog ​ @poeedamerons ​

I believe gif came from @girlpornparadise​ 

Its a Friday like any other and Bastian picks you up like always. Only, something is wrong. You can tell because Bastian is silent; absolutely, completely, dead silent.

"So," You try from the passenger seat, "What the fuck is going on that you don't want to tell me?" Its raining and everything in New York is shaded in tones of gray. The gray buildings pass by, people in gray coats with gray umbrellas trudge along the sidewalk, even this SUV is gray. It still has new car smell. What happened that he bought a new SUV?

A muscle tics in Bastian's jaw as he tenses under your attention. Pale green eyes dart to you, then back to the road. Finally, Bastian speaks, "Alicia was here today." 

Your jaw drops. "What? Why? Is he okay?" Your immediate concern is Diego, both his physical safety and his mental well-being. Bastian's silence is an obvious negative. After staring at him for an indeterminate amount of time and receiving no further details you go back to the windshield. "We can order food later, just take me to him."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Diego is stationed on the sectional when you arrive, working on his laptop. Bastian places your bag just inside the penthouse then retreats back into the elevator. That's never a good sign.

Diego looks up and smiles, its blindingly gorgeous and your heart stutters. The laptop gets dumped to the side in favor of grabby hands going for your curves. You climb into his lap, knees outside his hips, loop your arms around his neck, and fold him down into your softness. With a huge sigh, Diego melts into you.

"Princess. Missed you." His rumble is soft and quiet against your neck. He wraps you up tighter and squeezes your squishy middle. "Stay. Please." What started as an order ended as a plea in under two words. 

You stroke over his hair, kissing his forehead and nodding gently. "I'm here, baby. Are you okay?" The likelihood of getting a straight answer is slim but you have to ask. You need him to know that you care, that you want to take care of him. 

He nods into your neck and settles further. Apparently this is where I sit now. His breathing is normal, he doesn't flinch or jump wherever you pet him, and his clothing is in place. As far as you can tell, he is physically well. The only thing out of place here is his hidden face.

He is surprisingly cuddly in private, your Murder Panther rather enjoys petting, but he has never hidden from you. Its concerning, especially in conjunction with Bastian's hushed announcement in the car. 

"What do you need me to do?" You keep your voice even and quiet because you're not sure how upset he really is. Broad shoulders shrug under you, he seems almost defeated. You try a different tact and ask, "Okay, when did you last eat?" 

"Dish mornin." Diego mumbles into your skin like a kid. In truth, he is like a large child a lot of the time. He gets easily distracted by activity and is frequently lost in whatever task happens to be most interesting to him at that exact moment. He fidgets minutely under you, a tiny bit of his normal reaction to your presence is evident. 

You turn to smirk into his cheek, "I meant food, but if that's what you need, well, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make." His deep chuckle shakes your entire body. "Where's my phone? Lemme order dinner before you go after dessert."

Diego pulls your phone out of the back pocket of your jeggings and passes it to you, then replaces it with a huge hand. You laugh but proceed to order from that steakhouse you like in Brooklyn.

----------------------

By the time dinner has been completed Diego is relaxed and loose-limbed, sprawled on his back across your lap in the corner of the sectional. He is still quiet, but if you keep both hands on your tablet a little too long he makes his displeasure known with a growly whine. You’ve been absent-mindedly petting him for some time when you decide to try again.

"So, can I do anything to help you? Listen? Massage? Cuddle? Err, cuddle more intensely?" You don't look at him in an attempt to not make him uncomfortable. 

Diego heaves a sigh and holds your hand flat to his chest. You can feel his heart, its picking up speed and you feel a little guilty. He licks his lips and finally speaks, "Alicia was waiting for me when we came back from a meeting this morning. She has been questioning my books. I suppose she doubts my math." Diego waves a dismissive hand in the air.

You have seen this man complete statistical mathematical analysis in his head, everyone knows his math isn't a problem. 

"Um. First of all, no. Secondly, n-o-o-o." You draw the word out in your sarcasm and Diego snorts with amusement. "Why do you think she was really here?" You ask soberly.

"It is the math. I need to redistribute my surplus. What is that saying? Use it or lose it?" Diego looks up at you from under raised brows, waiting for you to confirm or correct his language. 

That is fucking adorable. Your chest tightens with his easy familiarity with you and his trust that you have his back in all things, even something as small as a possible mistranslation. You nod in confirmation, but also need some clarification. "So, help me understand here, you have a surplus of what? Profit?" 

Diego nods succinctly. "Technically, it is a deficit of expenses. However, the expenses are paid out of the profits, so I simply hadn't moved the profit surplus into the expense account, which would have highlighted the cost deficit. I attempted to not draw any undue attention to it, but that failed. I must find somewhere to funnel the excess money that would not arouse suspicion."

It takes you a minute to process that whole thing. Diego watches you mentally work through it with amused patience. You now have more questions than answers. "Okay, wait. Rewind further back. Why do you have extra money? Are you not spending as much?"  What is happening? 

"It is two folds," Diego holds up a hand with one finger raised, you don't bother correcting him this time, "I am not consuming my own product, therefore selling more and netting more profits." He raises a second finger and continues, "I am spending substantially less on incidental costs. Not so many bottles or strippers or whatever. So saving more." 

He stares at his own raised fingers in bemusement before muttering thoughtfully, "Julio always led me to believe that women are expensive to keep but you have been saving me money. Hmm." He glances up at you with a small smile, tentative and cautious, so very not Diego-like. 

Your shrug is exaggerated, but your flush is not. "Glad I could help? I mean, its my fault this extra money is sitting around, so its my fault she noticed and then came here. I'm sorry, baby." Sometimes when you open your mouth everyone goes on a surprise trip, including you. It wasn't meant to turn self-deprecating, but here you are. You really do feel guilty. My presence has altered his lifestyle and its a problem.

The worry must be obvious on your features because Diego catches it immediately. He rushes to soothe you, "No, Princess. I chose to do these things, or rather to not. You have done nothing wrong. I would rather have you and this problem than to not have you and not this." His right hand comes up to cradle your cheek and direct your gaze down to him. Those beautiful brown eyes are molten, fierce with some emotion you don't want to analyze. It still fucks you up.

You swallow hard and lick your lips, "So what do we do?" Diego follows the path of your tongue with his thumb while his lips curl up in pleasure at your choice of wording. The way he looks at you sometimes, like he might try to move heaven and earth for you, it hurts. You can't decide if you like it or not.

"We must spend the money." He winks at you. "I will invest some and hide it in offshore accounts. If anything happens it will come to you." His air of finality is chilling.

Looking him over, you can feel tears welling up. "I don't want the money. I mean, don't get me wrong, I enjoy being spoiled, because duh. But if I have to make some ultimate choice between money or Murder Panther?" Your hands fling around with impassioned gesticulation. 

Diego chuckles, "What does," he imitates your sharp movements, "mean, Princess?" His eyes sparkle with the city lights twinkling in through the windows, but so far he is succeeding in suppressing his smile.

"It means, you know!" You flail your hands around faster, as if that will make your point. 

Diego does it back faster, so you interject with even faster movements, and Diego rebuts the same way until you grab his hands to stop him. The both of you dissolve into almost hysterical giggles.

He uses your joined hands to pull your forehead down to his. You can see a dizzying array of emotions swirling in his eyes, its breathtaking. His breathing hitches, brows draw down, and then his eyes close. 

"Baby." You sigh, cupping his cheeks gently, "What?" The question is soft, tentative. He doesn't release the hold on your wrists, but allows you enough space to pet him minutely. 

"When I have you here it blocks out everything else." Long fingers spasm on your forearms as Diego pauses to drag in a ragged breath, he continues, "I want to keep you here."

I don't know what to say. You're dumbfounded. "What? What does that mean?"  Your voice has shrunk down to a quavering whisper.

Diego opens his eyes to look up at you and they are deep enough for drowning. "You are coddling me and I like it. I want you here every day. Give me this whenever I want it." He whispers roughly. Diego studies your form as though committing your features to memory. "You should," that raspy voice hesitates and Diego grips your arms tighter, "You should quit your job and move in with me."  He stares up at you in complete sincerity. 

You're trying to keep it together. Diego is the one who had a bad day here. You're supposed to be helping him, not having your very own freak out. Think rationally about this. He isn’t here all the time, sometimes he's in LA. I'm not hot enough to be a trophy wife. What would I do all day? Just help him? Wouldn't that just be a different job? Oh my god, if I say yes to this… what if he asks me to go to LA? What if--

"PRINCESS!" Diego's bark cuts through your mental tornado and you blink back to awareness. He is still in your lap, cupping your jaw in one giant hand, while he watches you silently freak the fuck out. 

"I'm sorry," you gasp, "I didn't mean to just. Just. Zone out." Your breathing is shallow and you can feel your heart racing. 

Diego just watches you, unreadable. You glance down at him then look away. One of the coffee mugs is missing from the tree. Must be in the dishwasher.

"Hey." That rumble is soft and you cannot ignore it. Your eyes shoot down to his again, then away, and you shake your head 'no' minutely. Diego shifts to sit up (Via only abdominal muscles, your entire pelvis helpfully informs you) but keeps a hand on you. He sits back into the corner of the sectional and beckons to you. When you move toward him Diego spins you so your back is to his chest while you sit in his lap.

He wants to maintain contact but not overwhelm me by being in my face. I wonder if he’s been researching again.

Its enough to crack your heart open a little.

His long legs bracket your hips and you smile fondly, it reminds you of all the times spent in the jacuzzi tub. Diego rests his prickly chin on your left shoulder, wraps huge hands around your middle, and just sits there. Your hands pet over his thighs, his knees, then inward to cover the grip on your rounded stomach. 

"Logically," you clear your throat, "I know you don't mean it this way. But. I, well, I basically gave up my entire self once before and, as you know, it did not go well." Your voice is clear but soft as you continue, "You're not him. You are so very not him. But I still have… scars." Your hands are shaking noticeably so you stuff them under his. Diego laces his fingers with yours and steadies you.

"You never told me what he did to you. I want to know everything about you, Princess. Let us make a deal, huh?" Diego is always just a little bit greedy and you can only respect that as a fellow hedonist.

Tilting your head to the left, you lean your cheek against his nose, then answer warily, "I'm listening…"  You can feel Diego's smirk.

"I will tell you what happened when I was little and you will tell me what happened during that 'relationship'. An even exchange." He stares at you from a few centimeters away and you return the calculating look from the corner of your eye.

Your lips purse while you consider, then offer a caveat, "Only if I can write it out and not speak it." You turn to face him fully. He looks so… soft.

Diego licks his lips, "Deal. Now kiss." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You write out everything you can remember from your ex.

How no one was allowed to know you existed, you could have no title, that it wasn't a 'relationship' despite living together for eight years. 

You worked full time, you cooked, you cleaned, you kept a household budget even when it meant emptying your savings account to pay for his bankruptcy filing. 

The way you paid all the bills but your name was only listed on the lease, the three cases of beer you had to buy every week no matter how tight money was for groceries, you weren't permitted to hang anything on the walls so your ex could cover them with posters of girls half your size. 

You kept your hair dyed strawberry blonde because that was what he liked, because then he would touch you without sneering. The other girls you poached for him to sleep with instead of you. How you were supposed to be grateful that a man would even deem to fuck you at your size.

The wake up call when you argued back the first time after all those years. How he had backed you up to the top of the steep stairs in your second floor apartment and then loomed over you. The way you teetered on the precipice before diving under one of his arms and escaping to the bathroom, the only door with a lock.

How one day while he was at work you stuffed everything that would fit into your car and just left. The way you had to start over from scratch with no credit history or savings. The court proceedings for the restraining order, that you had to recount everything in front of your family, a judge, and the ex himself.

. . . . .

You don't realize how badly your hands are shaking until Diego takes the tablet from them. He sets it down on the neighboring cushion and locks the screen dark before turning back to you. Those huge arms wrap around your middle, on top of your own arms hugging yourself, and pull your back flush to his chest. You ponder his largeness; his thighs are as long as your arms, the stupefyingly huge hands and feet are an endless source of fascination, the biceps are your favorite pillow. You grin dumbly. 

"What?" Even at a whisper his voice vibrates deep in your chest. Its not especially deep, but its so rough, it almost reminds you of a cat tongue. Diego watches your face from an inch away.

Left shoulder raising in a lazy shrug, you sigh, "I love sleeping next to you. And I don't like sharing a bed with anyone." You blush a bit with the confession, but its true. "I feel safe with you even though realistically I know it should feel the opposite. You won't hurt me and you won't let anyone else either." Its a direct contrast to what you were just writing about and you say it with absolute conviction. 

"Of course not! But, but if I do, accidentally obviously, you will tell me?" Diego sounds simultaneously aghast and condescending but not at all offended by your acknowledgement of his potential danger. Amazing.

You turn to face him and lean your forehead against his. Diego sighs softly and squeezes you tighter. "I mean, I might write it, but yeah." 

He makes that adorable scrunchy-thinky face that you love before announcing, "I'll allow it."

Your eyes roll fondly as you sigh, "Oh good. So glad that meets your approval."  His sly smile is mesmerizing. 

"So. Are you gonna read that or…?" You glance down to the tablet then back up at him. "No, wait," you interject before his open mouth can start making noise, "Tell me yours first. Please." You turn solemn as you consider how bad this might be. Watching his face gives you a hint; his forehead smooths and his eyes shutter while soft lips turn down at the corners. Its his poker face, he is hiding from you.

Diego clears his throat quietly and looks away before he begins, "Our mother died when I was young, before I started school. My Lita said she committed suicide, apparently she was depressed after I was born. Alicia blamed me." 

You knew he had grown up without a mom, all of his delighted reactions to your own mother knowing and hearing about him had suddenly made a hell of a lot more sense when he told you. And you already knew that he was close with his grandmother, Lita, that she had looked out for him. And now much of Alicia's behavior made sense, too.

"My earliest memory of Alicia is at age twelve for her. By that point she had convinced our father that it was my fault. I was four the first time he hit me with a belt. The buckle, of course." Diego's jaw grinds, you can see his right eye twitch. You want to reach out to him but he probably won't tolerate it right now. He frequently misreads sympathy for pity. I'm starting to understand why.

"When I was eight she said to get in the car, I was allowed to go to the grocery store with her. The nearest was the next town to the east. Halfway there she pulled over and told me to get out, then she left. A neighbor driving home from the store saw me and took me to Lita. I do not know how long I was out there but I was very hungry." Here Diego pauses and swallows, "Lita said I ate a pound of beans." His wry smile is bitter. 

Brown eyes turn to you, his face is closed and guarded at first. You keep your mouth shut and just look at him. Slowly but surely, Diego's big body relaxes behind you, his eyebrows flatten and his lips soften. 

"When I was ten she pushed me through an open window. He beat me with the metal frame from the broken screen. At twelve I burnt one of the kitchen cabinets trying to make food before they got home. It was a rake that time. Thirteen was a microwave, I did not know about the thing with aluminum foil so it sparked and it was ruined. Also, I somehow got a video tape tangled in the VCR, I have no idea how. I begged my friend not to leave, father would not do anything until we were alone. It only made it worse." You can't take it anymore, your right hand comes up to his far shoulder and strokes up to cup his jaw. 

Diego turns toward you, rests his forehead into your neck, then proceeds to give you more. "I was sixteen when father staged the coup and killed his uncle to take over the cartel. He and Alicia sent me on 'errands'. I learned that these were suicide missions when I turned nineteen. Each time I came home fucked up but alive they were furious. Every time the cartel experienced a setback Alicia convinced everyone it was my fault, that I somehow ruined everything I was given." The seismic effect of his voice has shrunk in correlation to his volume. You can clearly tell that this is the time period when Alicia cemented into his mind that he was a total fuckup. 

Rough beard sears your skin as Diego raises his head to rub a cheek on you. You shudder and fist his shirt in your hand. With a deep sigh he goes on, "I was twenty-two when I made my first deal with a cousin. It took three years but we arranged for a rival outfit to give information to the DEA and they took our father away. Alicia decided this was her chance to take over everything but the men did not all take her seriously as a woman. Thus, she finally had a use for me and so here I am still."

You lean into him, rubbing back. Diego is the first and only person with whom you have actively wanted and enjoyed cuddling. He always smells good to you, even when he should probably shower you still like to bury your nose in his hair and breathe deep. Its gotta be pheromones. 

"She doesn’t know that you made that deal, does she?" You question cautiously, wary of upsetting him. He shakes his head 'no' and brushes fleeting kisses up your neck to your cheek. You take it one step farther, "So could you potentially take over everything by yourself?"

Diego pauses to meet your gaze, his head cocks to the side just the tiniest bit. "Do… do you want me to do that?" His voice is hesitant, cautious even. 

"No." You whisper softly. "I just want you safe. As safe as possible. And I know you'll be safer if she is out of your life." Your smaller hands cup his jaw through their own volition, thumbs stroking over the silver patches in his goatee. Plunging straight into the deep end, you offer an alternative, "Or, if that isn't a viable option, maybe you could quote-unquote 'retire'?" You study his beautiful face as his eyes unfocus while he digests your words. His brow furrows and he purses his lips in concentration. 

"That is worth some deliberation, Princess." Diego admits. Then, with a visible shake, he comes back to the topic at hand. "But now, it is your turn. Turn back, huh? I'll read this." Big hands move you around like a ragdoll and you melt a little inside, I wonder if he could just carry me like a baby all day.

You snuggle back into thick torso and sigh with pleasure. Yes, you're still anxious about this but you trust Diego more. Knees drawing up, you hide in your thighs, he only squeezes you tighter. You can hear him picking up the tablet and. And.

Breathe. Just breathe. My jeggings are soft, the couch is slightly fuzzy, his pants are silky, the blanket is plush. I'm here, with Diego, right now. Safe. You practice the grounding techniques that have worked in the past while he reads silently. His stillness is killing you slowly.

Finally, the tablet goes back to the cushion and the second hand comes back to you. Diego grips your stomach tightly before speaking, "Princess. You understand that you are beautiful, yes? I said I love you because I meant it. You. Just like this. Round and soft and thick. With your glasses and your big dark eyes and these curls in so many shades of brown and silver. Smart, sarcastic, funny, ballsy. You are shrewd and sneaky, that's sexy!" He chuckles a bit and you laugh raggedly, trying to hold back tears. 

"But," he continues in a milder tone, "I understand why you were unnerved earlier. I did not mean to absorb you, or, or erase you. I only want to take care of you. Spoil you how you deserve it. You understand?" That dark voice directly in your ear is incredibly distracting, and then the words register in your consciousness. 

"I, I mean I understand but I don't get it. You know?" Your voice is raspy, you're so tired deep in your soul. This is everything you never allowed yourself to dream of and you're not entirely sure that maybe you aren't in a coma somewhere hallucinating all of this. It certainly feels real, you snort to yourself as you pet over Diego's muscled arms. 

Nuzzling into your neck, he sighs deeply, "Oh, I do. You have no criminal record, you rescue tiny baby animals, I have seen you buy food for other people when their card declines, you sort recycling, woman." Here he laughs wryly and you join him. You see his point, you're both from very different backgrounds and from the outside probably don't seem like a good fit. But still…

"Most of my insecurities come from my size and the way that has influenced other people's demeanor toward me. You have never behaved like that, you always treated me just like all other women. It's both confusing and freeing. Like, at times I don't know how to behave but other times I just run with it." Your confession comes out evenly and sounds logical. Huh, maybe I'm finally getting over some of this.

Diego hums thoughtfully from where he is pressed into your cheek. "And you have always treated me like a person, not a bank or just a good time. Or a path to power." His voice is raspy and low, full of emotion. "As though my feelings mattered. Even that first night. You regarded me as an equal." You chuckle with the memory of forcing him to come to you in the club when you first met. His dimpled smile of delight still has the same effect on you. Recalling the morning after when he wasn't at all fazed upon seeing you while sober and well-lit fills you with warmth, too.

Diego goes on, oblivious to your musings, "I want to take care of you as a partner, not take you over. I want you just as you are, I wouldn't have taken you home, or texted you later, or invited you back if I didn't. I will share everything with you. I have kept you from the business for your own safety, but I, but if, if you want to see or learn, I know you would be an exceptional addition. It would change your life drastically and I did not want to make that decision for you; that would not end well."

You can hear the restrained hope in his words. His serious consideration of leaving the business for you is a revelation. He really and truly wants to share his life with you; to make a life together, not simply add you to his own as an accessory. He values your input and observations but doesn't want to put you in a precarious or dangerous situation. Being with him like this already does that. I'm already in this far, I'm IN LOVE WITH HIM.

"I want to think about it. I can't lie, of course I like the idea of being taken care of, not having to worry about things. But I still need to be my own individual, not a dependent, you know?" Its easier when you can't see him, you're less likely to shutdown and go nonverbal. Diego clearly understands this, and therefore you. Its new and novel and comforting and terrifying. 

With a kiss to your cheek he leans back a bit to whisper, "That is understandable and reasonable. I have been doing research, reading on normal relationships and not so normal women. I have never done any of this before.  But know this: Everything I have, everything I am, is yours, Princess. My wealth, my connections, my power, me, my heart, this dick, all yours."

You snort through tears, "That's like a fucking hallmark card, baby." It hurts underneath your ribs, Is this what love is supposed to feel like or am I doing it wrong? He's certainly doing it right. You giggle unevenly before amending, "Except for the dick. That is all Diego."

His laugh is deep and soft. "I have never bought a card in my life. Is that really what they're like?" He asks incredulously. Your enthusiastic nod only makes him laugh harder, the hoarseness of it giving way to wheezing. "That is horrible!"

"I know!" You crow and then collapse back into him in helpless guffaws. Diego wheezes into your hair, grabbing your hands and holding tight. 

"But," he pauses to giggle briefly, "But, can we try? Will you at least consider more for me? I wasn't sure when to tell you, but... we are going to split the territory and the duties. I am going to stay here, in New York, full time." Diego declares haltingly, his voice quavers with the fear of rejection. "You can come here whenever you wish and I'll be able to reach you in two hours on any day. I want to be as close to you as possible, close for you."

You turn around slowly, openly gawking at him. His big brown eyes are wet, he blinks furiously and licks his lips in apprehension. This dangerous, powerful, stunning man is afraid of your refusal.

 "You… I. I don't know what. That's. No one has ever…" you trail off and gesture vaguely. Your question is thick with shock, "You're rearranging your life for me?"

Diego shrugs half-heartedly. "You are my priority,  Princess. I don't want a life without you. Please tell me that is ok-kay." His voice hitches. For this man that is practically begging. 

You can feel your throat closing up, its all you can do to nod and throw yourself into his arms. That big body sags with relief as Diego crushes you to him. Burrowing into his neck, you choke out fiercely, "I love you, Diego Jimenez." 

His choppy sigh, the soft, "Te amo, Princess." It all shatters you apart. When the pieces come back together again its Diego who fits them into place, Diego who holds you together, Diego who tries to set you free to thrive on your own terms. 

This is like the most ridiculously lovesick puzzle in the universe. Fucking feelings.

[purplesurveys]

1056

survey by katesmarie13 

(Merry Christmas! Or Happy Holidays! Or Happy Friday! <3)

Okay, just a few basics first...THEN the new stuff.

Your full name? I only feel like sharing the name Robyn today.

Your hometown? Manila, kinda. I won’t give away the city I currently reside in.

Age? 22, and a waste of a year it was. I’m so tempted to just turn 22 again in 2021.

Now for something different and completely random...

When you're having a bad day, what comfort food do you reach for? It differs per bad day and it also depends if I can afford to get whatever it is I’m craving. Though for the most part, I’ve found myself pining for samgyupsal the most often. It’s just the ultimate problem-fixer and makes-the-sad-go-away-er.

Do you have an item that is your good luck charm? I don’t really believe in those, so no. The farthest I’ve gone with a certain item and luck is how I insisted to use the same paddle that was available in our gym whenever I trained for table tennis back in high school. The reason I don’t think it has anything to do with luck is because I simply thought I had the best grip with that paddle, not because I was convinced I can win any game with it.

If so, what is it? See paddle situation aboe.

Your favorite thing about your job (or school)? It’s in the media/public relations field so there are lots of freebies and treats that come with the job that make what I do worth it, and a lot more fun. The entire team also consists of Gen Z-ers and younger Millennials, so there are practices we follow that bigger corporations might not have, like longer office shutdowns during Christmas (we don’t get back to work until Jan 4th), reminders to take mental health breaks, and a no-video-meetings rule every Friday afternoon.

Least favorite thing about your job (or school)? It’s very, very hectic so I have the tendency to get overwhelmed as early as 10 AM. There’s never any dead air and I don’t get rest for nine hours straight (my shift is technically eight hours, but I work through the allotted 1-hour lunch break as well). OT is also common, but at least I get paid for it. Demanding clients who micromanage and/or ask for too much work to be done from our end also make the job stressful.

Does global warming and the hole in the ozone truly bother you? Of course. My heart sinks every time I come across a new article saying glaciers are melting, that animals living in polar regions are suffering, that sea ice continues to drastically decrease, etc.

Do you have a "funny" toenail? I don’t think so? All my toenails look...the way they’re supposed to look like, lol.

How many times have you moved in your lifetime? The times I can remember, just twice. But my parents moved around a bit when I was still an infant.

Do you watch professional wrestling and is it real? I do watch and keep up with it, just not as much as I used to. I don’t recognize most of the new faces anymore, and I wouldn’t be able to give you a decent breakdown of the current storylines in any promotion, not even in WWE. The angles, results, belts, and characters all aren’t real, but the movesets (especially the submission holds) risks, and injuries very much are. Are we going to debate this in 2020 still? Lmao.

What's your favorite thing to microwave? Don’t microwaves just heat stuff up? I dunno if it heats a certain food better than others lol.

Could Pop-Tarts survive a nuclear attack? I doubt it.

Does anyone know where the UP (Upper Peninsula) is? Can I give you a different UP? That’s where I went to in college, heh heh.

What's the regular unleaded gas price where you are? I have no idea. I never paid attention. I usually just give the gas attendant anywhere between P300 to P700 and see how far up it would fill my tank.

Do you know someone who's been injured in Iraq? I don’t know. Probably not. None of my relatives who migrated ever signed up for the US military.

Do you remember what a Puff-A-Lump is? I’m pretty positive I’ve never heard of it before.

Least favorite TV show? Game of Thrones.

Favorite canned soup? I don’t consume that.

How far does your belly button stick out or sink in? How can I even measure this?

Do you have a particular coffee mug you drink from? Yes, but I’ve described it so many times in surveys from just this month alone.

What does that mug say/have on it? The first line reads “Seattle, WA” then “Starbucks” in big bold letters, then “Coffee Company” below it, and the last line reads. “Est. 1971.”

Your take on declawing cats? I don’t like cats a lot but this does not sound like a responsible thing to do, and it also sounds like a painful procedure for a poor cat.

Do have smoke detectors in your home? No. That’s not really a requirement or standard practice here.

Would it be easy to erase YOUR identity? I suppose it’s technically easy to hire someone who can do that (a la Breaking Bad), I just would not be willing to do it and give up who I am for anything in the world.

Do you know anyone named Sam? Lots. My cousin is named Sam; I also went to school with multiple Sams.

How many drawers do you have in your room/office? Five.

What was your favorite snuggle toy when you were a child? I was happy with a pillow. I was never into stuffed toys all that much.

Great! A few firsts then...

What was your first pet and their name? I had a goldfish that I simply named Goldy. I vividly remember this because Angela’s first pet was also a goldfish; and there was a time we did show-and-tell in first grade and she bought her pet. We had been bickering that day, as 7 year olds do, and I remember being an absolute asshole and snickering when she introduced her fish as Fishy because I thought it was a cheesy name and that Goldy was far superior. Sorry Fishy. You had a great name.

When your mind wanders, where does it go first? My biggest stressor for the day, usually.

Your first knick-knack (item you placed in your room/house)? I have no clue. I was 10 when we first moved in here, and a completely different person.

First "real" piece of jewlery? (This goes for the guys too) I’m going to forgive this survey for being a little sexist because it’s nearly 15 years old; but anyway, I’ve never had any expensive jewelry of my own. All the pricey ones I’ve ever worn are owned by mom.

What did you do on your first date? We went to a museum and had early dinner at an Italian-American restaurant. We also had coffee after, and then she slept over at my place where I let her play GTA V on our PS3 because she wasn’t allowed to play it in her house.

Who was your first best friend? Kaye. I can’t trace her down now because she has such a common name, but I hope she’s been doing well.

When did you first realize that life isn't easy and fun? I was 12, going through puberty and a generally not-nice time of my life, with everyone in the house hating and isolating me.

And lastly...

The last thing you thought about before you fell asleep last night? I briefly thought about how many hours I need to sleep to get a decent rest, but I passed out in like 10 seconds.

Your last argument? Last night my mom and I had an argument about where I last placed my phone because I had already misplaced it two times prior during the day.

Your last words to someone...? “You’re wearing black; it’s not too obvious” when my mom was complaining that she looked a bit big in her outfit for today.

The last place you'd go? I’m not very sure about the wording here. Do you mean the last place I went to (outside the house to pay for a delivery)? Or the last place I’d want to go to before I die (no clue)? Hahahaha.

The last thing you'd find yourself wearing? Again, not so sure about the grammar here.

What will be the last thing that you do today? Trying to doze off.

[doberbutts]

Have you seen the document floating around in a few of the dog book groups regarding the Belgian Kennel Clubs BOAS scoring system? It’s pretty interesting... I’m curious to hear thoughts from someone who knows more than I do haha!

In complete honesty, I’m not exactly sure what document you’re referring to, because I’m not part of many dog-related FB groups because many are filled with drama and I stepped away from such for my own mental health :]

BOAS- Brachycephalic Obstructive Airway Syndrome- is more or less the collective of all the problems that can be associated with the brachycephalic head. Everything that the skull shape in and of itself makes the dog at risk for- the pinched nares, the elongated soft palette, the collapsing of soft tissue within the airways themselves, these are all symptoms of BOAS.

A couple vet articles explaining the basic idea are here:

https://vcahospitals.com/know-your-pet/brachycephalic-airway-syndrome-in-dogs

https://www.acvs.org/small-animal/brachycephalic-syndrome

http://www.vet.upenn.edu/docs/default-source/ryan/ryan-report-bas-article-2.pdf?sfvrsn=238fe3ba_0

https://todaysveterinarypractice.com/surgical-skills-corrective-surgery-dogs-with-brachycephalic-airway-syndrome/

However I want readers to notice that none of them say “all dogs with flat faces are affected by this problem”, simply that the very shape of the brachycephalic skull puts a dog at risk. In fact, the example photos on a couple articles are not a flat-faced dog. This is more or less what I keep being on about- a brachy head is a brachy head. You can breed for more length on the nose, but until you actually fix the entire shape of the head, the dog is still brachy. This means that all of these breed mixes and fixes haven’t made much progress in that regard, because they are still selecting for a brachy head. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. Either the dogs are brachy and thus unhealthy, or you admit there’s more nuance to it than that.

The first article also mentions obesity- another point I’m continuously on about- and how obesity is seen to worsen symptoms. Many people keep their pugs and bulldogs and chihuahuas and everything else very fat. Most chihuahuas are carrying around close to double the weight they’re supposed to be! Seeing a significantly high instance of trouble breathing in a dog that’s been reduced to a snorting fat sausage is always going to be a thing- which is why so many advocates for these breeds are careful to keep their dogs trim and active.

I’d note as well that the diagnosis process requires more than a look at the outside of the dog’s head. People like to share shock photos of just how short a flat muzzle is- and I’ll freely admit that breeding for extreme traits always lands us in trouble- but what about inside? Because without looking deeper, frequently under sedation, you have no idea if the flatter muzzle on that particular dog is less healthy than the slightly longer muzzle on a dog that’s still brachycephalic.

Lastly, the first article ends with a warning that dogs who cannot breathe without help shouldn’t breed. It’s noteable that both the chihuahua and the pug standard also say this, despite selecting for the brachycephalic head shape. Do most people follow it, do breeders ignore that while chasing their titles and ribbons? Maybe, maybe not. I’m not involved enough in the breeds to tell you that. But I can tell you that hanging out with brachy breed people at events will reveal who’s talking about it and trying to prevent it from popping up with their dogs.

There are a couple papers worth reading on the subject that I’m currently aware of. If the paper you mention isn’t one of these, then please link it to me!

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27159898

(things to note: a whopping 95ish% of brachycephalic dogs tested for this were positive for symptoms of BOAS, including previously asymptomatic dogs. This means that just listening to the dog breathe isn’t enough, and a whole-body test should be conducted along with an exercise portion to ensure the dogs are breathing well. Additionally these are client-provided dogs, meaning dogs from all backgrounds with brachy heads, and not specifically any one weight or breeding style. obesity and pinched nares made the dog significantly more likely to show signs)

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4624979/

(things to note: taken from the abstract itself is “Despite the name of the syndrome, scientific evidence quantitatively linking brachycephaly with BOAS is lacking, but it could aid efforts to select for healthier conformations.” and “[...] BOAS risk increases sharply in a non-linear manner as relative muzzle length shortens. BOAS only occurred in dogs whose muzzles comprised less than half their cranial lengths. Thicker neck girths also increased BOAS risk in both populations: a risk factor for human sleep apnoea and not previously realised in dogs; and obesity was found to further increase BOAS risk. This study provides evidence that breeding for brachycephaly leads to an increased risk of BOAS in dogs, with risk increasing as the morphology becomes more exaggerated [...]” - breeding for extreme traits will get us into trouble, but dogs with muzzles 50% of the length of their craniums will still be at risk. A longer snout does not solve the problem. Interestingly, girthy necks were also found to be part of the issue, something most people don’t even think of. Also the study does not consider the pomeranian, chow, or rottweiler as brachy, even though they definitely are. Once again, the use of client dogs from several sources, weights, backgrounds, and more specifically that were referred to one particular vet practice were used.)

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4469695/

(things to note: a non-invasive test was developed for the Frenchie and is spreading to other brachy breeds to control the prevalence of the problem in at-risk breeds. The Pug Club of America also mentions this test as a way to see if their breeding dogs are affected.)

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5538678/

(things to note: this particular study uses WAY MORE dogs than the previous ones have, over 600 when most have used 50-200. Once again mentioning that pinched nares and obesity are the highest predictive factors, but other conformation factors such as a thick neck, eye width, and neck length in addition to the relative shape of the head also seemed to play a part in which dogs would be most affected. Wide skulls are also mentioned- technically brachycephalia is not just the length but also the width of the skull. Once again a wide sample, however they did deliberately seek show dogs for some of these results.)

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1090023316302106

(things to note: EB specific- once again an exercise test used to determine what dogs would be more affected, and discovered that dogs with higher body temperatures were more severely affected. Not particularly surprising as most dogs pant in the heat to cool down, and if their airways are restricted that means much less heat escapes and they cannot run cool air over their internal breathing structures to fix the problem.)

https://veterinaryrecord.bmj.com/content/182/13/375.abstract

(things to note: this is the first study I’ve seen that actually talks about the fact that while breed clubs may have systems in place to fix the problems associated with their breeds, the vast majority of dogs seen for this problem are going to be pet dogs from non-registered breeders, pet stores, rescues, and other sources rather than show dogs, for the simple fact that show dogs are a minority among pet households. This makes it difficult to say if “the standard” is causing a problem, or if “breeders who don’t give a shit about their dogs” are causing a problem.)

All in all, I was somewhat annoyed about the bashing of perfectly nice dogs and breeders doing their best before, and now it’s a personal passion because my fucking puppy died and it’s partially because she was brachy and yet everyone praises the inch-long snouts on these pug fixes because they’re magically not affected anymore, meanwhile I have a dead puppy who had some muzzle length and that definitely didn’t protect her and she suffered and died and yet people want to keep harping on how pugs have flat faces. At least these flat-faced pugs live longer than 10 months and don’t die in their owners’ arms after spending more than half that fighting a losing battle with their own body. All the muzzle length in the world doesn’t fucking matter if you have a dead puppy to show for it. The very shape of the head itself is the important part. Posting shock pictures of dogs with no muzzle to speak of tells me nothing and gives me no comfort because that dog lived to old age with very few complications and my dog never got that chance because it was robbed from her at birth.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt.41

“Did you have to do that?”

Watching Lance forced to hide away for the second time that day pissed Keith right off. Glaring at his brother, he wasn’t impressed with Shiro’s attitude at all. Why did Matt and Rieva get a free pass, when Lance got... well... this?

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you were rude. He’s a nice guy and you went at him like he’d killed your pet dog or something”

Shiro sighed

“Keith, I only want what’s best for you. Lance isn’t comfortable with so many people in his house, and it’s not safe for either us being under the same roof as two werewolves and vampire”

“Yet you had no problem with Matt and Rieva before. You didn’t have a problem with Lance before. He’s probably got whiplash for how cold you’re acting towards him”

Shiro groaned at him, leaning heavily against the kitchen table as he did, Keith had no idea what was on Shiro’s mind

“I really don’t mean to... When I look of him I think of Adam in the end. That’s not something I want you to go through”

“Lance isn’t Adam”

Lance was Lance. Adam was Adam. That was all there was to it... Spending time with Lance had helped. It’d reassured him, it’d shown him that being a vampire wasn’t easy. Even if Adam hadn’t been killed, the psychological effects on him would meant years of pain and therapy. Even if there’d been times Adam had deserved to be pushed into traffic, he didn’t deserve going through what Lance did. It would have broken him to see the effects on Shiro

“No. He’s everything Adam could have been if things had been different... And now you say you have a crush on a vampire, after how messed up losing Adam left you. I’ve barely been back a few hours and you’ve made all this decisions without me. I don’t want you having your heart broken because they turn around and decide Lance needs to be put down”

“Lance isn’t like that...”

Lance wasn’t an animal. He was nice and he was funny. Younger Keith had been so embarrassing...

Shiro rubbed at his eyes, sounding tired as he continued to irritate Keith

“Keith, you’ve known him all of a month. You’ve been living on top of each other, feelings are bound to happen. I’m not saying you can’t be friends with him, but maybe you take things slowly? Spend some time apart and think about how you actually feel. There’s a lot to think about...”

If only his brother knew how much damn thinking he’d had to do, and how much extra thinking Lance had done for the pair of them

“You think we’re moving too fast?”

“Aren’t you? You’ve never dated. You’ve neglected you health, and... accidents happen. You went to help him when he was bleeding, despite the fact his blood could have gotten into your system. What if you were making out and he cut his lip? What if you’re too caught up in having sex and you suck too hard on his neck, and got his blood in your mouth? I don’t want to lose you. And I don’t want you going through what Lance and Adam have been through”

“Then talk to him like a normal person. You don’t think we’ve talked about this? Lance is the most paranoid person I’ve ever met when it comes to his teeth and his blood”

“A relationship works both ways. What if you’re both hurt and he can’t help you because you’re bleeding? You’re acting reckless and it scares me that I’m going to come back and find you turned”

“And you’re acting he hasn’t done us all a huge favour by letting us stay in the first place. He doesn’t want to lie to Pidge, nor does he want to lie to Hunk. They’re best friends, they talk pretty much everyday and you decided to bring Matt and Rieva here without having a proper conversation with him over it. You decided to move us here without having a proper conversation either. Lance has been helping me deal with my issues over losing Adam. He made me see that maybe I did need a break to deal with what I’m feeling. I like him, and he likes me. We’re not rushing into anything”

“Do you know for a fact he feels the same way?”

“I do. He’s agonised over this and we’ve talked. We both want to see what this thing between us before anything gets serious”

Shiro let out long breath, his eyes silently pleading with Keith to listen as he cast his gaze to Keith

“Can you understand I’m scared for you? I don’t want you being hurt. Your my brother...”

“I know. We’re taking the time to get to know each other properly. We’ve both got issues and we both know that we don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m asking you to respect our choice, and to stop being to negative towards him because he’s trying his best for all of us”

“Are you dating?”

Keith didn’t want to lie. He wanted to be able to reach out and touch Lance when either of them needed that comfort they’d found in each other

“Kind of. We’re taking it slow”

“I’m being overprotective, aren’t I?”

“Yeah. And a dick too. I’ve never felt anything like I do when I’m with him”

“I can’t say I support it. But... I respect that you’re an adult and can make your own decisions. I did push all of this on him. Maybe I should talk to him?”

“Wait until after dinner. He’s stressed out about everything needing to be perfect because he’s upset about his vampire ego. I’ll check on him for now”

Shiro’s eyes widened fractionally

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been like this... Falling for a vampire wasn’t in my life plan. Lance hasn’t seen what we have. He doesn’t judge me for what skills I have and don’t have. I’m not Krolia’s son here, or your little brother. I feel more like me than I have in a while now”

They both knew it wasn’t easy for him at the Blade headquarters. No matter where he went, he was always in the shadow of his brother and his mother

“If he hurts you, I won’t hesitate to make the call”

“I know”

*

Lance was sitting at his desk, tears rolling down his cheeks as Keith let himself into his office. He’d barely slipped through the door before Lance was throwing his arms around him

“You idiot”

Keith felt himself smiling, despite how heavy the conversation with Shiro felt

“You heard?”

“I told you I didn’t want you two to fight”

“We’ll be fine”

“Still... I could hear how upset you were...”

“Because he wouldn’t listen. And I was worried about you”

“I’m sorry...”

“Don’t apologise for needing a break. Shiro will tell you in a professional at shutting myself in my room”

“I can see that. But are you really okay?”

“I will be”

The answer didn’t satisfy Lance. Tugging him backward with him, Keith found himself ending up in Lance’s lap as he sat in the armchair in the corner of the room. Resting his chin on Keith’s shoulder, Lance held both his hands. This was new... but not necessarily... maybe a little embarrassing seeing he was built larger than his boyfriend, and he was all manly and that

“Talk to me?”

“I thought we were?”

He didn’t need to see Lance’s face to know he was rolling his eyes at him

“I heard what Shiro was saying. Leaving Rome was the same as leaving Adam all over again for him, for him, wasn’t it? I think that’s bled into Matt. Did you two stay in the same place after Adam died? You don’t have to answer, but you’re thinking about him. Maybe talking will help? Or am I over thinking this again? I’m talking too fast, aren’t I?”

Lance was doing both. Over thinking and talking too fast. Keith squeezed his hands, still really not sure about the position they were sitting in

“You’re trying. You get points for trying. We moved for our own safety, but Adam owned the place so Shiro took over the deed. I... I think it’s was one of the first places I felt at home again. Him and Shiro wasn’t much of a family, but they wanted me there. Sometimes I felt like the third wheel, and got the feeling Adam would have happier if I wasn’t living with them... Shiro says it’s in my head from being in the system so long. I’m not good at moving...”

“You feel like you lost your home again”

“Yeah. Basically. I suppose... and I’ve always kind of gone where the job sent me. I’m not used to wanting to stay...”

“If you’re worrying about being so far away, Platt is just down the road. We can call and text. Pidge still wants you in our group chat. And I’ll help you. I mean, I’m not a hunter and I don’t have much patience for my kind, but I can help you the best I can”

“You already have. I don’t know why they don’t teach us about using blood when we make our bullets...”

Lance let out a nervous laugh. Lance had probably never held an actual weapon before with the intent of killing

“I don’t know if I should be happy about you talking about getting excited over weaponry, or just accept it?”

“Seeing I’m not going to kill you, I don’t know either?”

His boyfriend kissed his neck. Lance seemed bolder now, maybe because they were alone and didn’t have to have to hide. Keith sighed, earning him a poke in the stomach

“At least living with Shiro you’ll have your own stuff again?”

That was definitely a plus. He missed his bike... and he missed his cameras... and his swords. He was a simple man. But living with Shiro in a new city meant starting all over again without knowing how long they’d be there for.

“How badly are you going to worry about me on my bike?”

“I only have to worry if something happens. You’ve made it this far. I think you just be okay”

He had made it through some pretty shitty situations. He’d made a lot of mistakes on his way, fuelled by anger and the need to be seen as himself

“Because I felt like I really didn’t have that much to lose outside of Shiro”

“Well, now you’ve got friends. Totally awesome friends. And you’ve got Coran and Allura. Trust me, if anything goes wrong they’re the people you want closest to you. They might be weird, but they’re dependable”

“I’m not sure how that’ll work when Coran will technically be my boss”

“He’ll back you up. He’s been like a rock since I turned. He never once turned me away, even when I probably deserved it”

“But he’s your friend...”

Wouldn’t it be the same though? Keith in Lance’s shadow this time. He knew Coran because of Lance. Coran had seemed certain they’d get together and the man had been right... meaning he’d be seen as Lance’s boyfriend and not himself

“So? The work you do for him will determine what he thinks of you. Not because you’re my friend, or Shiro’s little brother, or because your mother’s a hunter. He’s not one to be hung up on that kind of thing. Work is work and personal is personal. He’s going to worry about you on a hunt because he cares, but he’s not going to give you easier assignments because of me”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. So don’t go using the wrong syringe and you’ll be fine”

He was never ever going to live that down...

“You won’t save me again?”

“I’d prefer I didn’t have to... but what’s the worst that’s going happen? Ooooh... maybe I’ll grow two heads?”

Lance poked him in the stomach again. He was annoyingly good at knowing what to say... and what to do. Maybe sitting in Lance’s lap wasn’t so bad? Not when he was trying to be there for him. Keith knew he shouldn’t be shocked, but having Lance cry over him seemed like overkill. Like he didn’t deserve Lance’s worry... but at the same time, it was actually really nice... and made his heart go weird

“And be twice as annoying?”

“I think you mean i’ll be twice as handsome. I’ve already lost my position as the hottest supernatural thing in town. I have to have something going for me”

Keith was genuinely confused. Curtis was... Curtis. Matt was... Matt. Rieva was pretty enough... but Lance like a nice little dork package. There was something in his “not plain plainness” that was nice...

“You think Matt’s hot?”

Lance laughed, Keith’s cheeks heating up. He was missing something here

“Oh my god. Nooooo. That’s Pidge’s brother!”

“Stop laughing at me! It’s not like I know! I like you well enough”

“Oh, god... oh, Keith. I think that’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said. No. I mean Rieva. She’s definitely out of Matt’s league... Oh my god... I’m going to have mental scars forever”

Keith’s heart sunk, his stomach felt like he’d missed that bottom step and everything had lurched

“You like Rieva?”

“I don’t know Rieva. I meant she’s pretty...”

“Do you like girls better?”

Lance immediately caught his upset. This time he used both thumbs to poke Keith’s stomach

“What? No. I’m saying aesthetically she’s the best looking out of the four of us. You’re a close second in the house, only because I’m a proud fur father and Blue would never forgive me”

“But you think she’s pretty”

“And I think you’re prettierererer... prettiest. See, I can’t even English to tell you”

“I think you’re nice...”

Keith was failing hard on this. He couldn’t tell Lance all the little things were what he liked, because he felt kind of lame about saying it like that

“I know, you said. If it counts I thought Shiro was handsome. I thought you were a total douche and look at us now”

That’s because Shiro was handsome. He was just plain with weird purple eyes

“You’re like cute and stuff when you’re a bat”

“Don’t be coy, I saw you staring at my junk”

“It’s nice junk...”

Fuck, he was getting flustered. Why did he let Lance get to him like this?

“I’m pretty attached to it. Seriously though, I like you. We’re both pretty hard on ourselves, but you’re a good man under that emo anger loaf. I want you to know you can talk to me about this. About work or anything out. I get you probably have some of secrecy thing going, but sometimes it’s nice to be able to talk to someone who sort of gets it”

“Yeah... Shiro likes that I’m making friends”

“Friends are good. You’re good. You deserve to let yourself be happy”

“Because you’ll worry about all the other stuff?”

Lance snorted

“You know me so well. We should get back to the kitchen. I... was having fun. Having you in there with me. I know I was super awkward... but I don’t mind spending my space with you”

Shit. With just a few words Lance had feeling like a million bucks. That flustered feeling only growing like the warmth in his chest. He really liked Lance and hoped things would work out...

[floatingpetals]

Boys in Blue || Pt. 4

Pairings: cop!Stucky x F!Reader

Warnings: none, maybe language

Word Count: 2700+

Summary: (Cop AU) There was just one crappy thing after enough that happened to her. It possibly couldn’t get any worse, or so she thought until she saw the dreaded flashes of red and blue behind her. Could things get any worse?

A/N: I dunno what to say here. Things get a little saucy at the end but nothing to pg rated. Let me know what ya’ll think! now that I’m up to date on what I have written on this series, i’m gonna jump between my other ones I’ve put off because of this story. It probably wouldn’t be much longer, but it all depends on what feedback you give me! more feedback, probably more parts! Enjoyy!! 

The gifs are not mine, credit to the owner.

Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Series Masterlist

After finishing her grocery shopping, Y/N went home and started her short list of chores. She still hadn’t heard back from Bucky or even from Steve for that matter. Either way, it was fine with her. She knew if she didn’t take her mind off things, she’d freak out about the dinner. A simple freaking dinner, she kept reminding herself. It wasn’t until around 4:15 that her phone finally lit up.

(Unknown number)- Hey doll, it’s Steve.

(Unknown number)- Just wanted to let you know I got off. Bucky said your gonna meet us for dinner tonight?

(Y/N)- Hey! Sure am! Hope that’s okay with you.

(The Stevenator)- Of course it is! I just didn’t want you to feel obligated to come.

(Y/N)- Man you caught me.

(The Stevenator)- ??

(Y/N)- I thought Bucky would give me a ticket if I said no.

(Y/N)- 🤣🤣

(The Stevenator)- … you’re a punk.

(Y/N)- ❤. But seriously, I do really want to join you both tonight.

(Y/N)- Bucky never said a time though since he wasn’t sure when you’d get off.

(The Stevenator)- how about 5:30? I want to shower the office off first.

(Y/N)- Works for me! Just text me the address and I’ll meet you there.

(The Stevenator)- 👍

Y/N giggled and spilled her phone in her pocket and went to get ready for her dinner. She already had an argument with Maddie earlier. It wasn’t a date. They asked her out to eat, probably to get to know her better, but never once said it was a date. So why were her palms sweating when she pulled up to the restaurant?

Taking a deep breath, Y/N grabbed her purse and slowly stepped out of her car. When she walked in, she was hit with the mouth-watering smell and the upbeat atmosphere of the little restaurant. She spotted Bucky and Steve sitting on a high top on the other side of the room. Bucky was facing the door, his face lit up when he spotted Y/N walk in. She waved and made her way to the table. Steve and Bucky both stood, beaming at her. Her breath caught in her throat. How does she always forget how attractive these two are? Both were dressed casually, opting for jeans and simple t-shirts, but it was enough to get her heart racing.

“Hey! I guess you found the place okay.” Steve said, leaning forward to press a kiss to her cheek. Y/N’s face lit up, a giddy giggle slipping from her lips. Bucky reached out and gave her a side hug before ushering her to the empty seat beside him.

“Yeah. I’m surprised I’ve never been here before. I hadn’t realized I drive past this place every day.” Y/N hung her purse on the back of the chair as she sat. She couldn’t help but notice Bucky scoot his chair closer when her back was turned, his arms brushing against hers. Y/N titled her head to look at Bucky, noticing instead of his hair slick back he left it to curl naturally at the top and gave him a softer appearance than last night.

“This is one of our favorite places.” Bucky grinned, motioning to the menu. “We got a call a few months back about a fight. The owner wouldn’t let us leave without a free meal after we took care of the drunk and we’ve been hooked ever since.”

Y/N laughed and picked up the menu.

“Well, anything can be good if it’s free. But if you keep comin’ back, it probably is. What do you recommend?”

More than happy to help, the two showed her their favorites and then some. It was funny watching them bicker over what was better, the two act more like a married couple. After much deliberation and plenty of feedback on what was best, she was finally able to pick something.

“I swear you two are a bigger handful than me.” Y/N chuckled. Both men ducked their head, blushing at her teasing. “No, really. I’m impressed. I didn’t think I’d ever meet someone on my level.”

“Well, we’ve learned some tricks from the best.” Bucky chuckled and nudged her with his shoulder. He shared a glance with Steve, the corners of Steve’s lips turned up. She had no clue what the look meant, but she could tell it had a hidden meaning. Clearing her throat, Y/N shifted in her seat. Their gaze snapped to her, something unreadable in their expressions.

“So, how was work today?” She asked. Steve let out a sigh and sank back in his seat.

“It was… well, work. I wasn’t actually supposed to be in today, but there was paperwork that didn’t get filed right so I had to go in and help.”

“Technically, you didn’t,” Bucky interjected. Steve narrowed his eyes at Bucky, his lips curling into a frown. Bucky ignored the glare and turned to Y/N. “Steve has a plan to be captain one day. So, he feels it's his duty to take care of every problem that comes up.”

“I don’t feel-.” Steve started. Bucky waved him off with a hand.

“Nah, you do this a lot. I get you want to be captain, but sometimes you have to let people figure their shit out first before you jump in to help. It’s a nice thought, but he runs himself ragged most days because he over works.”” Y/N could tell from Bucky’s tired tone this has been an ongoing argument between the two of them.

“Well, being a captain would be great.” Y/N jumped in. “But I’d have to agree with Bucky. People need to learn from their mistakes, but you, more importantly, need to worry about your health.”

Steve shrugged and pushed around his silverware. She could tell he at least felt guilty, but Y/N also had a feeling he wasn’t going to change anytime soon.

“What about you, Bucky?” She asked. “Any plans on moving up in the ranks?”

Bucky shrugged. “I was planning on at least making it to sergeant. I have a test coming up here soon, but I don’t think I’m going to pass.”

Steve snorted. “Oh please. I found you last week passed out on your textbooks on the kitchen table. If you're not at work or eating, you’ve got your nose buried in the books. You’ll pass no problem.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Bucky sighed. Y/N elbowed him in the side, not liking his tone.

“Hey. Don’t sell yourself short. I’m sure you’ll do great.”

“Thanks, doll.” Bucky blushed, ducking his chin. Steve chuckled and shook his head.

“And what about you? I’m guessing you have to go through the ranks too?”

“He’s actually is already a sergeant.” Bucky grinned, pride oozing out of his pores. Steve blushed bright red. Y/N’s eyes shot up to her hairline.

“Really? You never said anything about being a sergeant when you pulled me over.”

“Yeah, well. It’s a recent development.” Steve mumbled.

“Steve started a year before me, so he’s had a head start. But yep. He’s a sergeant and I’m under his command.” Bucky chuckled.

“For four more weeks. Then you’ll take the test, pass and then in seven or so weeks have your own squad that will drive you up a tree.” Steve corrected him. Y/N giggled softly as Bucky’s scoff.

“You asked for it when you wanted me in your squad. Not my fault the Captain picked Wilson too.”

Steve groaned and rolled his eyes, landing on Y/N.

“So, what about you? You know what we do, what do you do?”

A giggle bubbled up her lips and Bucky rolled his eyes at Steve’s veer in the conversation. She explained what she did, nowhere near as interesting as their line of work, but they didn’t seem slightly put off with it. They soaked in every word she said, not once turning their attention away from her as she spoke. It wasn’t until their food was set in front of her that they let themselves get distracted.  

The food still didn’t stop them, they filled the silence on her end by chatted about anything and most everything as they ate. Bucky and Steve seemed more interest in knowing as much as they could about Y/N than talking about themselves. Not that she complained, they actually seemed interested in what she was saying.

“So, no cats or dogs?”

“Nope.” Y/N shook her head. “I haven’t had much time, but I’ve been thinking of getting maybe a cat. What about you?”

“Nah, we don’t have time either. With one or both of us gone, we couldn’t really get a pet right now.” Steve shrugged, taking a bite from his fries. Y/N’s brows furrowed, questions she had were quickly being answered, but also opened up a lot more.

“Do you live together?”

Bucky nodded. “Yup. We’ve known each other for years, so figured it wouldn’t hurt to live together.”

Y/N hummed, taking a sip from her drink. She missed the meaningful glance the two shared, their lips twitching to hide their grins. When Y/N turned back, the looks were gone. Unaware, Y/N moved on in the conversation while picking at her food. Twenty minutes later, Y/N had to stop touching her food.

“I can’t eat anymore.” Y/N sighed, leaning back in her seat. She still had some food left on her plate, but the other two’s plate was completely wiped clean. They echoed her sentiment, Bucky rubbing his stomach while Steve slouched back in the chair. The waitress stepped up then, motioning to their plates.

“Can I clear any of these plates for you?”

“Sure can.” Bucky nodded and stacked the plates, passing them her way.

“Are these separate checks or all on one?”

“I’m separate.”

“All on one.”

Bucky and Y/N said at the same time. They both stopped short, mouth’s snapping shut and turned to face each other. Steve and the waitress giggled while the two sitting next each other had a short standoff. Bucky raised a brow, almost as if inviting her to start arguing.

“I’m the one who invited you out.” He stated determinedly. Y/N started to protest, but Bucky cut her off look. “Nope. My treat. You can pay next time if you really want.”

Y/N sighed and threw her hands up. Bucky was dead set on paying, and she was too full to argue. He nodded for the waitress to leave, smugly grinning with his arms crossed against his chest. Steve shook his head and turned to Y/N.

“You know he’s not gonna let you pay next time, right?”

“Oh, I’m fully aware.” Y/N let a huff of air through her nose. Bucky ignored the two, leaning back with his arm draped along the back of her chair. Y/N’s face burned when she felt his hand brush against her shoulder.

“What can I say? My mamma raised me right.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“And yet, you’re still sitting here.” He pointed out with a smug girl. The waitress came back with the check, and Bucky set a few bills in the servers wallet. Y/N knew this was the end of their dinner, and she had a lot she had to tell Maddie the next day. However, right now, she didn’t want to leave their company. From the looks on their faces, they didn’t either. Bucky let out a heavy sigh, his thumb brushing softly against her shoulder. Y/N unconsciously leaned into his hand, finding comfort in his touch.

“Well, as much as I’d like to sit, we should probably head out before out before it gets much later,” Steve said unhappily and reluctantly stood. Bucky grumbled and withdrew his arm. He pushed back to stand and stuck his hand out to help her stand as well.

Walking to Y/N to her car, the two-sided up beside, surrounding her in their warmth. Y/N already found it harder to leave them, being between them didn’t help either. She couldn’t ignore the butterflies growing in her stomach. They made her feel safe, and not just because they were police officers. They had been nothing but sweet and attentive the entire night. Crap, she thought as they stopped beside her car, she was quickly falling for them. And she had a feeling there was something more going on between the two men.

They stopped at the front of her car, Y/N taking one step forward to face them both. Bucky and Steve filled in the gap, standing so close their arms brushed against each other. Y/N let her eyes linger for a moment, noting they were equally oblivious to the fact they just stepped closer. She smiled and looked at their faces, both appearing a little troubled by her silence.

“I had a really good time tonight.” She said softly.

Steve slowly smiled back, untucking his hands from his pockets to step forward for a hug. Y/N wrapped her arms around his waist, letting him tug her close and nuzzle against her head. Her eyelids fluttered shut, unconsciously taking in a deep breath, his clean and pleasing scent hitting her senses. He remaindered her of a rainy spring day. She bit the inside of her cheek, holding back a groan.

Steve was reluctant to pull back, but Bucky cleared his throat behind him. He glared at the brunette over his shoulder, but stepped back, his hands lingering on her hip. He pressed a kiss against her cheek, sucking in a sharp breath through his nose before he pulled back.

“I really enjoyed tonight too.” He murmured; his blue eyes boring deeply into her own. She couldn’t stop her body from trembling at the fire behind his look. It was enough to turn her brain to mush and to forget all coherent thoughts. Given no time to recover, Bucky was there, sweeping her up in his arms into another hug.

Y/N didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms under his, tightening her grip on the back of his shirt. Just like Steve she was hit with his smell, only sharply different. While Steve smelled clean, Bucky was a dark and heady. It was almost like dark chocolate and oak. He tightened his grip around her waist, holding her for as long as he could before he too stepped back. Not to be outmatched by Steve, he placed a kiss on her opposite cheek.

“We’d love to do this again sometime if that’s alright with you?” He rasped, tilting his head to the side while he watched Y/N’s face. She glanced over to Steve, who had the same earnest expression and back to Bucky.

Y/N couldn’t find her voice, nodded and licked her lips. Bucky’s gaze snapped down to her mouth, watching her tongue slip back between her lips. He had to step back, not only for himself, but he could tell Y/N needed a chance to catch her breath.

“I-uh. Yes.” She stuttered. “I’d really like that.”

The two men grinned, the shoulders relaxing. Steve’s phone vibrated in his pocket, the shrill beep shattering the atmosphere. He sighed.

“Probably someone from work.” He groaned. Bucky frowned and glared at the phone.

“Well, you’re off tonight and tomorrow. That can wait till Monday if they can’t figure it out on their own.” He snapped. Turning back to Y/N he nudged her towards her car. “Text us when you get home doll.”

“Right.” Y/N agreed, still trying to gather her wits. She unlocked her car and swung the door open, stopping just before climbing into the seat. She looked over to Steve and Bucky, who were still standing at the front end of her car. “Don’t go in, if that’s what they’re calling you about. You need a break to regroup yourself, and you can’t do that if you keep going in every time someone calls you about spilled milk.”

Steve blinked in shock, his mouth falling open with no reply. Y/N didn’t wait, climbed into her car and shut the door. As she started the car and put in reverse, she watched Bucky elbow Steve in the side, a giant smug grin on his face. She could tell him was bragging about him being right from the way Steve rolled his eyes. She giggled and back up, waving once before pulling away.

She drove home, dazed and happy. When she pulled into a parking spot in her apartment complex, it smacked right in the face her. She just had a date with Steve and Bucky. And she just agreed to have more. Maddie was going to get a kick out of this.

Perma Tag: (CLOSED)

@dolphinpink310 / @breezy1415 / @hymnofthevalkyrie / @sebbyismyking / @vivideley / @cherrynat / @heelsandfaces / @lovely-geek / @libbymouse / @the-crime-fighting-spider / @dkpink123 / @moderapoppins / @chuckennuggets1213 / @jack4xx / @witchymarvelspacecase / @xxxunluvablexxx / @mannatgalhotra / @kingslaxerpark / @xxashy999xx / @silver-starburst / @cartersbarnes / @thinkwritexpress-official / @feelmyroarrrr/  @m-a-t-91 /  @pizzarollpatrol /  @sea040561 /  @thefridgeismybestie /  @sergeantjbuckybarnes /  @jasura /  @palaiasaurus64 /  @teller258316 /  @disagreetoagree /  @lazinessisalliknow / @palaiasaurus64 / @bfuckjames / @sxdapxpcutis / @doraola / @kkaos15 / @tylerrose931617 / @mummy-woves-you / @claraoswinns / @buckybarneshairpullingkink / @delicatelyherdreams / @thisismysecrethappyplace / @dsakita / @look-to-the-stars-and-wish / @tomhollandtrashtm / @delicatelyherdreams / @cuddle-me-muke / @joyfulzipperpersoneclipse / @lisadickenson / @revenqers  / @dannydelay / @musicgirl234 / @iamwarrenspeace / @breathlesspeter / @thebunkerofatlas / @geeksareunique / @ravennightingaleandavatempus / @mcdesij / @unlikelygalaxygiver / @tranquility-or-chaos / @bandbooktvaddict / @mywinterwolf / @piensa-bonito / @nevernotfangirling / @cutie1365 / @harryngtonewithyourshit / @slytherinqueenie / @famouslastlove / @riseandshibe / @blizzbx / @electra-hxart / @lianadelphius / @steebrogurz / @foundthezucchini / @bi-bi-bi-bisexualz /  @whileinparis / @for-the-love-of-the-fandom / @delva-stardust / @awkwardfangirl2014 /

(Let me know if I missed you, the strike means I can’t tag you for some reason.)

Boys in Blue Taglist: (CLOSED!!!)

@debgreenleaf / @thorins-queen-of-erebor / @merigoldcaroline / @urbanrights / @taliarosej00 / @stuckysheart / @thenightkillers /  @desertrose-saku / @weyheycraicey /  @apocalypse-zombiie / @inspiration2001 / @impalaimages / @reading-stan / @angelicdisgrace /

[clockmongler]

i posted this on twitter and  i’m gonna post this here:

#DMC5 and the problem with V, aka Why It Felt Like Capcom Came Into My Living Room, Snatched My Wig, and Made Me Kick My Own Cat: an essay 

obviously spoilers

I see a lot of people rolling their eyes about some players saying they grew attached to V as a character. We should be happy he served his purpose as a plot-point and move on. He was a gimmick character. Itsuno wasn't even sold on the idea of people liking him. Why even care?

I'll tell you why: because he was entirely designed - from visuals, to story, to gameplay - FOR you to care. And not just because his ultimate role in bringing back a fan favorite.

Let's go back to 2005. In the pile of stuff that came spewing forth from RE4's Production Hell Bosom were 2 very important games. One was obviously DMC in 2001, but there was a second, less talked about game. A game Capcom wants to pretend they don't remember. But I remember it.

It was called Haunting Ground. You see a LOT of DMC3 in it, from the gothic set designs to the soundtrack, but in tone it's a completely different beast. Haunting Ground is basically what Clock Tower 3 was GOING to be: a hide-and-seek survival horror and not... magical girls.

You played a hapless, defenseless heroine named Fiona Belli. Fiona is a pretty, tiny creature in revealing clothing and is terrified of her surroundings to the point where her panic is a gameplay mechanic. The only things she can do herself are run, hide, kick, and throw things. You aren't wholly meant to identify as Fiona. You're meant to want to protect her. This is stated immediately in the booklet given with the game, and it's something the game actually pulls off incredibly well.

Instead of a gun, sword, or even magic to defend herself, Fiona is given a pet. She is given a white German Sheppard named Hewie, and instead of singularly controlling Fiona, you need to multitask and use the right joystick to also give commands to Hewie.

The entire game centers around the bond between Fiona and Hewie. You feed Hewie when he's injured. You train him by praising what he's done right and scolding him when he doesn't listen. You solve puzzles together. By the end of the game, the two of you have become partners.

But Hewie's biggest asset is physically protecting Fiona. Stalkers will barge into your happy little puzzle-solving time to mutilate poor Fiona for her Azoth (aka her mystical McGuffin) and pressing up on the right joystick sends Hewie into attack mode. By throwing himself at enemies, Hewie is the only thing keeping Fiona from... all the horrific, terrifying things the antagonists want to do to her. If this sounds familiar to you, it's because you're getting what I'm laying down: V is Fiona Belli.

V is a hapless, mostly helpless hero. He's a pretty, tiny creature in revealing clothing who is the only playable character in the DMC series to show any amount of panic and fear over his surroundings. The only things he himself can do is hit things with a cane or run.

Look at every other playable character in the game (yes, even unlockables like Lady and Trish): they're ALL power fantasies. They're cool. They're unflappable. They're witty and wield weapons bigger than Nero's inferiority complex. You're meant to relate and feel COOL.

V is... different. Yes, he's still cool in his own way. He puts on an air of being unflappable. But he's quieter. His humor is dry. His taunts are either to endearingly goof off and tap-dance, play air violin, or... double-over and go into a terrifying coughing fit. You are reminded at every opportunity just how fragile and sickly V is. It causes a slight separation between player and character, like with Fiona, in a way that forces you to not want to BE this person, but to PROTECT this person and I think a lot of people are missing that.

Like with Fiona, V ends up using pets to protect himself. Giant murder-bird Griffon is fiercely loyal and protective, even when being teasing. Aside from Nero, most of V's conversations happen with Griffon, who quickly establishes himself as V's best friend.

Griffon constantly flies you out of harm's way in the form of a dodge. He banters with V in the middle of fights. He asks after his health, and praises him for doing well in battle with adorable little things like "YER A SUPERSTAR, V!!" And while we as a people are forever robbed of having a Griffon Style Announcer, V has a similar, if less obvious relationship with Shadow, the big giant kitty. Griffon does the talking for the other two familiars, but Shadow is also there in battle and out: helping you move, helping you dodge, and even resting at V's feet like you'd see a guard-dog doing. It even has an idle animation of sitting down and just... watching him. It's quiet, but the care is there. Even Nightmare, who's just a blob of death and destruction, feels like a part of the team.

In your last mission as V, you're stripped of all of your familiars and need to reclaim them one by one. This is the point where you truly see just how weak V is without them: he can't run several paces without collapsing in on himself in exhaustion. Dodging causes him to raise his arm in the air in the expectation of Griffon taking his wrist like he would any other time, only for Griffon to not be there. He can whistle for his familiars, his FRIENDS, to come to his side... and they won't. You're alone. V's alone. So getting them back is important not just for protecting V, but because these things have become your friends. You feel a joy and relief when each one comes back to you. You get the gang back together. The boys are back in town.  And then...

So. Back to Haunting Ground. In the end of the game (if you were nice to Hewie and why wouldn't you be, you monster), Fiona escapes the clutches of the last Stalker, who wanted to use her McGuffin to create a fuller, more perfect form of himself. She and Hewie dump his ass into some convenient lava and eventually watch him burn out after having to defeat the real final boss which was that goddamn falling statue. Fiona is stronger. She refuses to be used as the ends of someone else's means. She's her own damn person.

Fiona and Hewie leave the castle they've been trapped in all game together. If you leave the first stalker alive, he'll catch sight of this woman he spent one third of a game terrorizing and she STARES HIM DOWN. She's not having it anymore. So the guy bows to her. And without saying a word, Fiona turns her back to him and walks the fuck away. BAMF of the year. 10/10. She, Hewie, and you worked your ass off for this ending and you deserve it. Go live happily ever after with your dog, girl.

...but now I want you to imagine something different. Instead of Fiona beating that last Stalker, she loses. Lorenzo wins. She is killed and her McGuffin is absorbed into him and this woman you've spent all this time caring and protecting for is no more. You are then given control of another character who is then tasked with shooting Hewie, your best friend. This creature that has protected you and Fiona your entire journey. Your PET. 

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED WITH V.

Yes, circumstances are different. In order for Vergil to take responsibility for the dumbass shenanigans he'd done, V had to stop existing and reform into him and he merged with Urizen knowing that. V can't have Fiona's happy ending. But the point is that we're SUPPOSED to be sad about this. Anyone trying to call people out by calming this IS the happy ending, that V is just a part of Vergil and technically got as best as he was going to is missing the entire goddamn point.

Capcom designed this character, having successfully done it before, for you to get attached. The loss of not only him, but the things that protected him, his friends, even if it means getting something stronger and shinier, is meant to be a painful sacrifice. People are complaining BY DESIGN. It isn't baseless fan-harping over the cute goth boy (...okay, some of it is that). It's more than that. 

And I'll take a formal apology from Matt Walker for the heartbreak, thank you and good night. 

[unluckyxse7en-moving]

You know something else that annoys me that it doesn't feel like anyone else gets irl, outside of my family? This CRAVING for overstimulation that our society seems to have. And if you can, I want you to bear with me on this, or at least skim towards the end of the post to see my reasoning- this is gonna get long, but I think it's important to think about.

I most see examples of the overstimulation obsession at work (Target) - when I'm in the toys and electronics sections

Electronics I'm sure is fairly obvious - we have these giantass hd 4uhk or whatever tv screens, like 8 of them all together projecting our main ads, mostly music ads - including clips of music videos with flashing lights and jarring graphics

And THEN because that's not enough, we have an adjacent wall not too far from that setup, where all our tv display models for sale are - and those? Are a cascade of three or four different feeds playing independently looped ads, complete with their own volume up and everything (the one saving grace is the ads are sometimes showing off the tvs capabilities with showing color and definition, in which case the ad commonly relies on slow-mo shots of water in some form. A little more relaxing than the main screens)

Toss in that we have sample speakers and video game consoles that run music all day long - and lately even another, sample tv screen of a small display size to show off ads for some kind of little robot toy - and trying to work in that section is just overload central. And that's not including the customers!!!!

And then toys. This is probably my bigger pet peeve for the sheer fact that it's absolutely unnecessary: if it's not a brand name toy? If it's not a toy from some franchise or show or video game? It's gotta be Interesting™. I mostly see this with classic, older type of toys - jump ropes, toy balls, frisbees, hula hoops, squishy toys, stuff like that that's lowkey - 90% of the stock we offer on it? Has some sort of obnoxious electronic noismaker box or - my biggest annoyance- a stupid LED flashing light core. Or both. If you're lucky, the toy will be some newly marketed stim-based toy coming off the hype that led to an explosion of fidget toys and spinners and the boosted popularity in slime. Those rarely have this problem - on the other hand, they're their own fad the way franchise items are, so are probably deemed interesting enough by that virtue alone. (Of course even then you have light up fidget spinners and junk)

Honestly, the toys section pisses me off more in this respect for two reasons: 1) it's highly unnecessary. Toys =/= electronics and don't need to be this way by nature and 2) the sheer fact that we market it this way encourages the concept of 'if it's not overstimulating it's not gonna sell, it's not gonna be interesting and your child DEFINITELY won't play with it unless they're entranced at all times by our bright flashing lightshow!!!'

So here's why this pisses me off so much:

My family? Has two immediate members who suffer from epilepsy and seizures when exposed to electronics - not even the fancy flashing i'm describing, but prolonged exposure to electronic screens alone can put them in pre-seizure territory.

My 15 year old sister has a daily hour-long electronic limit because too much more and she has seizures. Think about that - an hour-long electronic limit. This can include her video games or her computer- if she had a modern phone it would include that too. Our tv is an exception because it's a tube tv monitor that's at least 10 years old, but even then we as a family reserve that for watching together at dinner time, instead of an all day thing.

One hour.

No internet, because it hurts our heads. No cellphone. Just video games and her computer, which is a dinky thing she uses chiefly for animating.

Because electronics can push her to seizures. And seizures? Can literally affect her oxygen intake if they get too bad. We've seen her turn ashen and blue because she's technically breathing, but her body isn't processing the oxygen. So it's kind of a big deal that we can't work around otherwise.

My mother also has seizures, she has them a little more under control, she can play video games or be online on her phone - but too much electronics can give her major headaches and lead to her lying in bed all day, because she cannot function. We have a sports stadium near our house. Not super close but if there's a concert we can hear it. On days when that's active, when its floodlights are on and amps are going and probably the scoreboards are doing whatever - mom has to flee the house before noon, or she's laid out in bed all day and has at least one major seizure. She has to flee the house. Whatever her epilepsy responds to isn't just visual. It's another sensory level entirely. The mere proximity to that much electricity pumping through an area is too much for her.

Maybe that sounds fake to you. Honestly, I don't care. We've lived through too many weekends where she's doing terribly and none of us can figure out why, and then we find out that stadium has an event going.

And by that point it's too late for her to leave the house, and all anyone can do is sit around and try to take care of her and hope it'll be over soon.

We've lived through too many weekends where we foresaw this potential problem, and mom has gone out of the downtown area we live in for the entire day, and aside from being subjected to fluorescent lights and bad drivers on the interstate, she's fine. She feels her head clear up when she leaves - and feels it fog up when she returns in the evening.

My sister feels it too. And as I've begun tracking it, I've found I also have more head troubles on days like that, and it eases up under the same conditions.

My sister and mom are moving out to a house in the country, surrounded only by corn fields - they won't have to worry about the stadium anymore.

But the electronics and toys??? God, I don't even know if they could find a tv like the one we currently have, one that's not fancy hd high-def in your face - short of a hand-me-down from my grandma. And the hd tvs? In case you haven't noticed a pattern- bad for their health. We visit family with those tvs. We have had to ask them to specifically keep those tvs turned off when we visit. It's too much for their health for it to be left running.

So when I work in Target, I get pissed off to all hell, because it's not really the safest environment to people who suffer seizures similar to what sets it off in my mom or sister. Heck, it's not like epilepsy is new!!! Video games have had epilepsy warnings on their boxes for ages, which suggests it's well known enough and prevalent enough to address like that. But if an entire store is designed like that, what are they supposed to do??? What if all stores are like that, and their condition is bad enough to not risk going in? What if the nearest store that's safe is like an hour drive??

"Oh well Cleo they can just shop on the internet."

Yeah, they sure can. But they shouldn't HAVE to, in this hypothetical situation. We don't NEED 500 tvs blaring different things at us. We don't NEED toys that flash if you so much as twitch. THAT'S what pisses me off.

There's another, perhaps less pressing reason it annoys me - sensory overload. I have it, my dad has it, my mom has it. It can be due to autism, or trauma, even conditions like adhd if I remember correctly.

For me, it's not the biggest issue. Clearly, because I can still work in this hellscape of a store. But it does leave me confused, and functioning at half-efficiency, and my energy runs out a lot faster on days when i work on that side of the store, leaving me tired, grumpy and drained.

But not everyone with sensory overload can function so well under such conditions. Overload when pushed, can lead to breakdowns, shut downs, incidents I think of as panic attacks when it happens to me, though that may be the wrong term - but it leads to me freaking out and having trouble breathing right and I'm panicking and afraid and everything is too much, too much, too much and I can't even begin to calm down until things around me calm down. It's a terrible experience.

I don't have those when working at the store. That doesn't mean someone else won't.

So if we have epilepsy, and seizure overload, due to things like this, which aren't the most uncommon of conditions or struggles to have - then why the hell is it ok for stores to push this on us, not just electronics which can only be helped so much (sadly), but with simple goddamn toys??? Toys that SHOULD be an option for children who can't handle the franchise toys with voice boxes, or the 3D video game graphics with 360 degree camera action? Why is it those have to be hunted down for rather than readily available, while their cheap flashing counterparts literally fill the shelves?

Tl;dr - electronics and flashing and overload-inducing items for the entertainment of the common masses are stressful and even dangerous to some people's health, but corporations aren't about to even consider that because OH WOW ITS SO FLASHY!!! And people WILL buy it because what it takes to grab their attention in a world so over-inundated by overstimulating objects as it is. And that... is not ok.

[moczothe1st]

Let’s Play Fire Emblem IV: Genealogy of the Holy War, Part 30: Man, oh Man, oh Manfroy

Part 29

Welcome back to Fire Emblem IV: Genealogy of the Holy War.  Last week, we fought off like six armies all at once, and it was miserable, but on the plus side Hilda died. I think every game would be better if Hilda died.  This week, we finish taking her castle and… *sigh* And we regret it, probably.  This week, we start off mid-turn, so after moving most of my southern front up north toward the action, I end my turn and let the remainder of Hilda’s dorks take their shot.

… Why couldn’t they have gone down that easy last week, huh?!

Now, on our turn, the enemy is down to four dark mages with staves, and one dark bishop with a siege tome in the castle. I have Fee cut down one of the former…

And have Larcei and Seliph talk about love, because honestly I’m actually in no big hurry to finish this castle.

Larcei: I’m coming with you on this one!

Seliph: Of course you’re welcome to… but why?

Larcei: It’s odd… I’m actually a little scared…

Seliph: Odd indeed! If there’s one thing you’ve never been known for, it’s fear.

Larcei: It’s… I just…

Seliph: Shhh. I understand. Now come! After all, what could ever inspire courage quite like having you at my side.

(… Damn, Seliph, smooth like silk. You win a little more of my respect, bro.)

Larcei: Seliph…

This conversation gives Seliph +1 to his Strength; it was apparently supposed to be +3, but he was actually only one point away from his (oddly low) cap. Apparently Seliph only has a natural 25 strength cap! That seems weird considering his descent from Sigurd the Humungous.

And… sigh. Guess I should kill the stupid boss.

All right. Nothing left but sleep staves, and they can’t really hurt us. I have Fee and Altena purge them.

And now we have the problem dealt with. A little jumping around before I set off the next story segment; I have Finn zapped home, where he repairs and sells his Brave Lance. I’m going to have Fee buy it after we take Freege.  Sorry, Finn, but you’re kind of just not holding up; you lasted longer than I expected you too, but despite being decent on offense you’re just kind of fragile.  Oifey will also be benched here, I think, he can stay to defend Freege castle after we take it.  Thankfully…

… The game is polite enough to tell us where the next part of the chapter will be coming from. So I do spend a turn or two moving the kids up to this gate and ready to rock. Seliph?

Seliph: But I can’t help but wonder… are the children at Belhalla still unharmed? I pray they are…

Lewyn: Funny you should say that!

(That’s not really the appropriate response to dying children.)

Lewyn: We’ve got a visitor who’s got a bit of news on that front, Seliph.

(“I’ve seen… terrible things. Thank the gods I have no sister, for I fear I would never be able to look her in the eyes again.”)

Felipe: On secret orders from His Majesty, the abducted children were moved here to Freege for safe-keeping.

(Orders so secret that we never actually got to see Arvis give them in that whole scene where he was desperately trying to save all the children at Chalphy and failing, being immediately caught, and then getting cowed into submission by a man infinitely less powerful than himself. STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR ARVIS, GAME.)

Felipe: Rest easy, sire. They’re all hiding in the city’s abbey, and they’re all in good health.

Seliph: And all under Hilda’s nose, at that! That you’ve kept every last child safe in Hilda’s own city… color me impressed!

Felipe: Actually, sire… Princess Ishtar deserves your thanks. Without her generous aid given in secret, we could never have done this. No Imperial soldiers dared come even close to the abbey, on pain of the princess’s wrath.

Seliph: Princess Ishtar?! But why… why would she-

Felipe: Few people in this land are as kind and caring as Princess Ishtar.  

FEW PEOPLE IN THIS LAND ARE AS KIND AND CARING AS PRINCESS ISHTAR.

YEAH SHE’S A FUCKIN’ TREASURE.

Felipe: All along, the princess has toiled behind the scenes to aid our cause.  It was Princess Ishtar herself who ensured that every last child escaped from the bowels of Belhalla.

(“Then… how comes she’s… you know… literally banging the Devil?” “Technically he’s a ghost dragon.”)

Seliph: I see… at any rate, thank the gods for their safety. I’m certain everyone will be glad to know the children are in good hands. You have my deepest thanks, Lord Felipe.

Lewyn: Well, Seliph, that’s one job done. Good to see we’re finally getting results out of this mess.

(Hey, screw you man, I’ve conquered three quarters of the country.)

Seliph: And yet, Julia still eluds us… where could she possibly be?

Lewyn: The only options left now are Belhalla and Velthomer. It’s got to be one of those two.

Seliph: And Belhalla is where Julius awaits…

Lewyn: Yeah. We’ll need to find Julia first if we want to go anywhere near Belhalla. Without Julia’s power on our side, we won’t have a hope in hell against Julius.

(Again, not technically true, but you really should listen to him on this one.)

Seliph: But no matter what’s happened, Julius is still her brother. Will she even want to fight him…

Lewyn: … You’ll have to convince her.

(I mean, you’ve met Julius. It won’t be super hard.)

Ishtar: This will require that I leave your side, even for a while. I beg your forgiveness.

Julius: Feh.

Julius: Why the rush to get out there so suddenly, Ishtar? All the soldiers they could ever throw at us could never so much as scratch me. Why even bother with those maggots?

Ishtar: Yes, I know… but for me, there is no greater pride than being one of Freege’s great mages.

(“Saving all those children? Doesn’t even compare.”)

Ishtar: My parents and brother lie dead, and I cannot stand to leave their murderers to run amok… please. All I ask is a chance for vengeance.

Julius: It sounds as if what you really want is to following your family to death on a rebel’s blade! Are you so desperate to escape me, Ishtar?

Ishtar: No… nothing like that, Lord Julius. I love you. Nothing will ever change that.

Julius: Hmhmhmhmhm… I know.  

Julius: Very well! Fight if you must. I won’t stop you.

Ishtar: Thank you… now, I beg your pardon. Meng! Bleg! Mabel! We sortie at once.

(Oh god, we are really scraping the bottom of the name barrel this time. ‘Meng’?  ‘Bleg’?)

Julius: Now, then. I think it’s time we put an end to this sorry show. Deadlords, move out!  And order Arion’s unit to attack!

(… wait, what?)

So. You may recall I told you to remember this moment.

It was important for two reasons.

First: This is the moment the war becomes winnable. You see, Manfroy is not… really all that into Loptyr. Oh, he worships him, but it’s not really about loyalty so much as sadism. Manfroy hates the world, and every single human being in it. His overall goal in life is nothing more or less than to make humanity suffer as much as possible. But he’s generally pragmatic about it. He knew the best way to hurt humanity was to revive Loptyr, who possesses incredible powers and views humans as little better than food to eat and pets to abuse. This moment, right here, is the moment that Manfroy, flush with overconfidence in the presence of his god on earth and having enjoyed a long decade and a half tormenting the entire continent, finally makes a mistake. He lets his sadism overpower his common sense for the first time. And in so doing, he gives us a real shot.

Second: Because he’s still Manfroy, he’s a total fuckwad about it.  

Remember Ayra? Waaaaaaaaay back in Verdane, remember how we recruited Ayra. How we had to get to a castle to turn her non-hostile to us, only she was between the army and the castle and she was trying to kill us the whole time?

Yeah, that’s happening again. Only it’s Julia, our lil’ atomic vampire gatling gun trying to kill us. Of course she’s just as strong as she was when she was on our side, why would you even ask.  Oh, and just for fun…

Here’s the map of what we need to achieve.  The blue X is where we are. The red X is where we need to get to save Julia.  The ravenous piranha is Ishtar’s army, waiting to pounce upon us and tear us limb from bloody limb.  And to her right, marked by the douche, is Julius. You don’t have to fight him, and you in fact definitely should not because getting anywhere near him will also draw the Deadlords out to fight you, but of course has a siege tome now and will cheerfully wreck the shit of anyone who gets anywhere near him, therefore heavily limiting the space we have to move.

And of course, Julia will be trying to kill us the whole time, and we can’t fight back and risk killing her.

And hahaha, yeah, Arion will be showing up soon.  

This is not going to be any fun, is what I’m getting at here.

First thing’s first, let’s take a look at our piranha.  

Ishtar has taken yet another level in badass; her magic has gone up two points, skill by three, luck by 2, defense by eight, and resistance by one. And this time, she’s got an actual army with her instead of fighting us alone; three Snipers, three Heroes, three Sages, three High Priests with Fortify (of course) staves, and of course…. *snerk*…. Bleg, Meng, and Mabel.

They’re three identical Falcon Knights, both in picture and stats, so I’ll only be showing one of them. Despite the intensely crappy names, they honestly three ridiculously dangerous units. They all have Earth Swords, meaning any hit they land is going to heal them, and they’ll be hitting often what with that maxed-out Speed and solid 23 skill. And to make things worse, they all have the Nihil ability to prevent us from just shooting them down with arrows or relying on Astra to solve our problems.  

So! This is going to suck. A lot. But thanks to Ced being awesome, there’s an option I can take to make this a lot more manageable.  Lana sells her Silence staff, and he buys it…

And with his 35 fucking magic he can overpower Ishtar’s 32 Resistance to Silence her up to three times, basically removing Mjolnir from the equation for this battle. And Mjolnir is like… half of this battle’s equation.

I literally cannot believe I’ve never tried this before.  From here, the army moves forward, Seliph leading the way; he’ll be attacked by quite a lot of people here, but he’s a living iron wall of destruction, and the more of these people I can lure away from the main melee, the better.  So. End turn!

(*sigh* Must you, now?)

Arion: Chalphy’s fall to our blades shall be the first step to winning back our fatherland. Now, move in! Show these liberators one final defiance from the drackoknights of Thracia!

A solid enough start! We hurt one Falcon Knight, and didn’t take much damage in return.  And now that Ishtar is in range…  

Oh, that is delicious.  Now, my first goal here is to kill at least one of these three annoyingly fast pega-bitches, but I also have to get Altena (and yes it has to be her, of course it has to be her) down to the castle to intercept Arion.  I hate everything forever.

One down!  Let’s keep this train rolling and clear out some more jerks.

Two out of three ain’t bad!

Okay, I think that’s about all the damage I’m going to get done this turn.  And not bad at all, frankly, so I’m happy.  I have Lene dance Altena, and warp her home with Lana.

Ignore the pentagram. It’s a good pentagram. Down at the bottom, Altena equips Gae Bolg and flies to just outside Arion’s range. The rest of his buddies don’t matter at all, but I don’t want her to fight him. There’s a reason for this, of course. It’s unsatisfying, but it makes her happy.

The things I do for my kids, I swear.

End turn.  

… Huh. They don’t attack her? Or maybe they can’t damage her. I honestly am not sure.

*sniff*

I remember the last time I played this map.

I died five times on this battle alone.

And now it’s going better than the fight against the fucking Beige Knights.

I don’t understand what’s going on.

Altena: How could you be so craven?! How dare you place your vanity and pride over what truly matters!

(You tell him, honey!)

Arion: What do you want from me, then?

(God, don’t ask her that. This LP is not rated Adults Only.)

Altena: Take a good, hard look at Prince Seliph! Ask yourself, this: why is he still fighting? For whom is he out here day after day, setting his own suffering to the side?

Arion: So Seliph fights for justice, and I somehow do not? Is that what you’re trying to say?

(…. YES!)

Altena: Very well, Arion… if you won’t see reason, so be it. Come on. Kill me. End this. My… my life is in your hands. I die with no regrets.

Arion: A-Altena… very well. You can rest easy now. I get it. I was wrong… my mercenary days are at an end, and my final task is with Seliph. Wait… no. With you. I now fight for you, Altena.

Altena: Arion…

Yeah, it would have been neat if you’d done this a few maps ago, jackass, but Arion is on our side now. Or, well, sorta. He doesn’t join the army, but his unit becomes neutral and are programmed to stay close to Altena and be hostile to any Belhalla units that get near them. I know we all sort of wanted to kill him, but he still has Gungnir and I really just didn’t want to risk a screwup when things are going so well.  I mean, I’m not even gonna use him. At this point, letting him get near the enemy would likely result in him rushing Julius and dying, which sorta defeats the point. Let’s just end this; time to wipe out the remains of Ishtar’s unit.

And now, a special treat. Since Ishtar can’t fight, we get to see a conversation that even I have never actually seen.

(…. ‘Nothing but kind’.)

(Just sayin’.)

Ishtar: … I may be in the wrong. But I can’t turn back now. Forgive me, Tinni… please….

And thus passes Princess Ishtar of Freege. She died as she lived: getting nuked by her cousins. And without her leadership stars…

All right. Now, the rest of the army is going to stay right where they fucking are. Julia cannot be trusted to not kill herself, or more troublesome to not kill me.  The only people going forward are Seliph and Ares, who are going to go north across the forest, out of Julius’s range, and try to lure Julia into following them. Their resistance is tremendous, and they’re both on horses. Ideally she’ll try to kill them, fail, and be following them and unable to catch up until I can free her. This will take a few turns of nothing but movement because I will not be going anywhere near Julius.

Trust me.

She seeeeeeeeeees uuuuuuuuuuussssss…

Okay. There’s two things that could happen here. She’s either going to go east and cut us off, in which case we’ll be dodging vampire lasers the rest of the map, or she’s going to go north through the forest and we basically win the game.  Let’s see!

…. Bitch. Okay, straight west you guys! Hide on the healing church, you beautiful bastards. God, haven’t used one of those in awhile, with those fifty healers in the army lining up to zap everyone with staves.

Dammit, Loptyrians, I am trying to flee in terror from a small woman.

Okay. We can do this. Ares heals up, and all we have to do is clear out those priests and kill Manfroy. Go get ‘em, boys!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Are you fucking kidding me.  

Of all the.

That.

I.

I.

You.

HOW.

What the!

NO.

………………

Well. You know all those times when I was questioning my good fortune? The moments where I was like ‘oh, man, I don’t trust how generous the game is being, bet it’s gonna screw me later!’ Well, that just happened.

*sigh*

End turn. If I survive this, I will be genuinely stunned.

Oh hey it’s as though the Hel tome is really easy to dodge and you should have dodged it all along. But here we go…

(How do you know that’s Manfroy? You’ve never met him…)

Manfroy: So I did. And so long as I live, my puppet she shall remain! Hehehehehe!  She’s every bit as helpless before my magic as her mother was…

Seliph: I should have known. If not for you, Mother… Gah! All of this misery… all these agonizing years… It was all your doing from the outset!

Manfroy: Heh… of course. Everything I’ve done has led to this moment: the revival of my lord Loptyr. And at last, it is so! Loptyr’s advent in the form of Prince Julius is complete, and darkness shall soon engulf the world. You cannot prevent it. Nobody can…

Seliph: Manfroy, you… Father’s grief… Mother’s despair… if not for you and your foul ambitions, none of this would have ever happened… Damn you, Manfroy! I cannot allow you to win! I will not! You’ll NEVER know mercy for your crimes!

Yeah, not the dramatic win I was hoping for after that great speech. But I guess I saw that coming.  Reset! I start off a little differently; Seliph and Ares park themselves on trees. With the 20% dodge bonus, they should have no chance of being hit by Hel, and very little of being hit by Julia. We need to clear out these Dark Mages before we go for Manfroy.

Better! This repeats for all of them; one actually dies because they’re forced to attack at close-range thanks to being blocked off by their own buddies, which is great.

Yeah, yeah.

He only does one damage. Seliph could have survived him with no problem in any other situation. I hate this game sometimes. On our turn, I have Ares and Seliph each clear out a mage…

Then immediately go hide in the woods again. I am playing this as cautious as humanly possible, honestly. Better to spend three turns killing mages than let the reset counter jump up above the number of updates.

The enemy misses again on their turn, because they literally can’t not miss. Two more deaths…

All right! That’s that for dark mages. On the next turn, Ares is going to park his butt on the healing church forever, and Seliph goes to fight Manfroy.

You stay out of this.

Now then. It’s time. It’s time to face Manfroy himself.  In direct combat. The enemy behind it all! The dark schemer who has given over our kingdom to the dark god.  And he…

Is a loser.  I mean, he’s not the worst enemy in the game. He’s okay. But he’s definitely no match for Arvis, or Ishtar, or… anyone with a holy weapon, really.  Which fits, really; his danger is his skill and intellect, not his power.  But considering he’s basically the final boss, it’s a little sad, still.

Seliph. Teach him some manners, bro.

And with two shots, he’s down to six HP.  End turn.

I miss the days when I was the one with the Julia Beams.

*sniff*

God. That is just cathartic to do. Now. With Manfroy off to Hell, where I’m assuming he will meet Hilda and strike up a whirlwind love affair, Seliph can take the castle.

Lewyn: That’s right, isn’t it Felipe?

Felipe: My liege concealed the key within his most treasured memento…. The circlet once worn by Empress Deirdre.

(HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK!)

Felipe: If we can find that circlet, sir, the Book of Naga is yours.

Lewyn: Deirdre’s circlet…

And that’s that! Ares runs toward the castle, with intent to lure Julia toward us. Of course she’s still hostile, why are you even asking? She has to talk to Seliph to get back to our side. Tee-hee, Fire Emblem hates you.

God, you are just like your mother. Seliph, go fix this please.

Seliph: It was Manfroy’s dark arts. He brainwashed you into his service.

Julia: Manfroy… that’s right, he caught me…

Seliph: Thank goodness you’re safe.  

Julia: Lord Seliph, I…

Seliph: It’s fine, Julia. I know. Lewyn told me everything. I’m sorry… I failed to protect you.

Julia: No… it’s fine. Don’t worry, Seliph. I finally know why I’ve survived for all these years. I know my fate… I’m fated to fight. I’ll never run away again!

Seliph: You’re right… This is the will of fate, tragic as it is. None can afford to cower or flee now. Until the bitter end, we must march on.

And with that, Julia rejoins the team. She’s just as strong as ever, barring one fact; she’s picked up Deirdre’s circlet, adding Renewal and Miracle to her list of abilities, which is a heck of an upgrade.

But not as good as the one she gets from reaching Velthomer.

Lewyn: It worked… it really worked! And there it is, the Book of Naga! It’s yours for the taking, Julia!

Julia: … Oh! How strange… it feels so warm. It’s almost as if I’ve known this book all my life…

And now, the game is over. See, here’s the thing… Julius is just as dangerous as before, if not slightly moreso. His stats are slightly lower than his first appearance where you are very clearly not meant to fight him, but he still has Loptyr’s game-breaking effect, and his ability list is now Wrath, Pursuit, Nihil, and Accost. So he can double most of our army, null critical hits and combat abilities, and gets a huge critical boost when his health drops below half. And of course, he’s on a castle and gets the defense bonus and health regeneration that gives. Basically, he’s borderline invincible. The only real option if you lose Julia is to have Seliph fight him, and poor Seliph can only do about 15 damage per turn (if he hits) some of which will then be healed.  While getting blasted in the face repeatedly, so you’ll need to get someone in to heal him between rounds, and they’ll very probably die to having Meteors dropped on their head unless you’re very lucky. And then there’s the Deadlords, who are just a pain.  

But if you do have Julia…

Yeah.

YEEEEEEEEEAH.  

Naga is the best weapon in the game. +20 each to Skill, Speed, Defense, and Resistance, instantly turns Julia into a hyper-fast, hyper-accurate, hyper-durable killing machine. And as a light magic tome, it has no disadvantage to any kind of weapon. And, of course, it negates Loptyr’s half-damage effect.  Your reward for the most annoying recruitment in the game is the weapon that ends the game. Big time.

So.  

It’s time to lay back and let Big J play us out, I think. I have her do the Arena, just for old times sake. Nothing even touches her.

Julia: Seven wins, gained two levels. +2 HP, +1 Speed.

About as good as can be expected at this point, honestly. And it…. Doesn’t really matter, you know? She heads to Belhalla, and Julius has no chance to hit her with Meteor, so he doesn’t even try.  The Twelve Deadlords rush up to meet her, of course…

They’re going to regret this. The Deadlords are named for the animals of the Chinese Zodiac, and each one has a different class and some very good weapons and abilities. They’re a dangerous group! Usually.  

One down, eleven to go. End turn.  

And then there were nine.

Sorry, seven.

Six of one, half-dozen of the other.

Fun fact, ‘Lepus’ means ‘Rabbit’. And ‘Dead’.

Well I’ll be! Someone landed a hit!  Too bad Julia did too. Four to go.  

I’m so bad at counting! It’s actually three. Congrats to Equus the Bishop on surviving a round with The Julinator.  But with that, none of the remaining Deadlords will actually take a shot at Julia anymore, so I’m just going to ignore them. It’s time for a family reunion.

(He isn’t wrong.)

Yes, that was a single round of combat. Julius procced his Accost skill and made the fight last an extra round. This… was not helpful to him.

Julius vanishes, the spirit of the dragon arising from the castle as the entire map shakes…

But it’s just bluster. Naga’s power has destroyed Loptyr’s vessel, and with its bloodline finally ended the dragon’s grip on this world is gone. Loptyr returns to whatever void it came from, and with the power that animated them gone, the few surviving Deadlords vanish.  

I’m going to cut out here, but no sense waiting a week, huh? So see you tomorrow for the epilogue, kids. I think we earned it.

Final Reset Total: 30.  Y... yay.

Epilogue

[ajordanart-blog]

Blog #10:Relationships with Pain

Let’s talk about relationships real quick. Chronic illness can be isolating. It is so easy to feel alone in your battles, and in many ways we do have to make a lot of efforts and growth on our own. There are many ways in which chronic illness can make relationships so much harder than they would be without it factored in, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it to build relationships and trust others. We don’t have to feel alone in our battles, and we do have several places that we can reach out to for support. No one can make the illness go away, and it is our job to make sure we find healthy ways to cope with our problems-- be it mental or physical health related. I started my journey with chronic pain feeling extremely alone. The doctors couldn’t tell me what was wrong, every sign pointed to “you’re healthy, there are no issues,” and it really felt like people were telling me it was all in my head. I wanted to talk about it, but I struggled to articulate why it was hard to get up and do the things I needed to do, why I was late all of the time, and why I didn’t know how to adjust to it yet. The labels lazy and irresponsible were starting to cling to me even though I still had an extremely strong work ethic. I just also had a severe amount of fatigue pulling me back. I was carrying around a heavy weight that continued to grow, and I did not know what to do with it, and it was taking an emotional toll. I also fed into the myth that sharing my issues and frustrations with pain would be a burden for others, so it was better left alone, which is entirely false. There are ways to communicate your frustrations that are healthy for both parties. And truthfully, part of being a good friend means being there for them. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help or asking if someone has the time to listen, especially if you’re willing to reciprocate that and show them the same kind of support whenever they need it.   Knowing your resources and knowing your support systems are so important in being able to continue to stay healthy and continue throughout your day-to-day lifestyle. I have several support systems now, but they wren’t always around in the beginning or in the ways that I needed. And I didn’t always know how to communicate how I was feeling either, which gave me more trouble with getting help or even just helping those close to me understand what exactly it was that had been going on. (It definitely didn’t help that my doctors couldn’t easily explain it to me either, so you can see why this in general was just a big mess for a while on my end.) And “support system” doesn’t have to exclusively mean people who understand or who can offer helpful advice or solid solutions. It definitely factors in sometimes, but a good support system can be found in someone who is just there to hang out, keep you company, and remind you to have fun. So here’s a general list of people who have helped and supported me in ways I didn’t fully expect going into this. Family:

Family can be an incredibly helpful resource if you’re lucky enough to have that. And honestly, for the past 3 years, family is one of the support systems that has simultaneously been the most gratifying but also one of the ones that I struggled the most with, all the way out to my extended family. I’ve had family members tell me I’m faking it or exaggerating, that I’m not trying hard enough, that my fatigue and sheer exhaustion was just laziness, telling me that everyone experiences some aches and pains sometimes and to suck it up, and it was honestly just wearing me down. I had to learn to let go of those opinions. That if this is how anyone felt about me, even if they were family, they were wrong, and it was their problem if they didn’t want to accept my limits and let me accommodate for my own health. I knew my work ethic, i knew I wasn’t lazy, and I knew no one else had the same problems that I did at my age. I cared the most about my immediate family though. Truthfully, my dad didn’t want there to be anything wrong with me, and I looked healthy, so he struggled to accept that I am in debilitating pain often, and that I need to accept my limits, be honest about them, and pace myself, instead of just blindly pushing through these barriers like how he’s apt to do. But he’s also been there to make sure I have access to doctors appointments and the general healthcare that’s been helpful in trying to find solutions to this issue, and over time he’s gotten better about listening and accepting some of the harder stuff that comes with it. (Partially thanks to my mom.)  My mom has been the BIGGEST support. She’s didn’t fully understand the problem at first either, for similar reasons to my dad: I’m young and I appear healthy, and I’m her baby, so she didn’t want anything to be wrong. But she was able to begin to accept it so much quicker because she experiences a lot of the same things that I do, but for different reasons. She’s been my advocate for so long and has helped me research issues, look for doctors, and find solutions. She’s honestly just been a great and understanding companion as well. Her issues stem from osteoarthritis, but we carry pain in similar areas. Mine are just more nerve related, and honestly, it’s nice to have someone who on any scale just kind of gets it. We’re able to in a sense compare notes, talk about what helps, what doesn’t help for both of us, and take turns helping each other out on bad pain days. 

Friends:

There’s that old saying: you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. And I have made many friends in my adult life who have been great, positive influences in not only how I deal with chronic illness, but also in how I treat myself. I have definitely made some draining and un-supportive “friends” along the way and have had to learn how to distance myself from them, but over time, even those friendships became learning experiences. I knew what not to look for in friends and the people who I surround myself with daily. But my best friends are the people I learn from and grow with daily and are honestly who I am most thankful for. My best friends from high school were the first to accept my health issues without pushing back. They were the first to really listen, and even if they didn’t understand, just hearing “I’m sorry dude. But these are your strengths and you’ve got this,” was so helpful. I think a majority of my friends either struggle with mental health or some form of chronic illness. Two of my more recent close friends struggle with chronic pain, one with migraines who is just as affected by weather as I am, and one who is in a similar boat with weird fluctuating symptoms, and more than a year’s worth of doctors appointments that lead to “normal” test results. And again, it is so nice to have people around and compare notes with what helps and what doesn’t help. And, I suppose sometimes misery loves company, but truthfully I think we all have used our problems as an outlet to learn the kind of patience and understanding it takes to help us all be aware of each others strengths and limitations and where we need to encourage one another or meet in the middle.

The same is true for my boyfriend. He’s been one of my best friends for the past seven years and he’s been a major help and support for me to learn how to accommodate for and manage my pain. He’s been there through all the frustration, tears, and just sheer agitation, and has met it with a tremendous amount of acceptance, patience, and understanding. Like genuinely, I am so lucky to have anyone who would even remotely be willing to offer that. I honestly never advocate for people who are struggling to seek out a significant other, because there’s a HUGE misconception that having a S/O will solve your problems. It doesn’t. But having someone in your life who knows you well, knows your strengths, and knows what you’ve been through is extremely comforting. At least in this situation, I’m including Matt as one of my supportive best friends, because, especially in regards to my health, I care way more about the friend aspect of our relationship. 

Pets:

Okay I know this sound silly, but having a pet has been one of the most helpful things in regards to dealing with my pain. I learn from my rabbit every day. She makes me step outside of myself. Taking care of her and having her company is just so therapeutic. It can be inconvenient at times. Like, cleaning out her litter box can be an sever struggle when I’m flaring up pretty bad, same with refilling her hay box and doing any kind of bigger work, but it’s not anything that’s not worth sacrificing for her, and I can usually manage. She doesn’t offer any advice for my health issues, and she can’t technically listen to or understand my problems, but sometimes we don’t need complex solutions or understanding to feel better. Sometimes we just need company.

Online Communities:

If you don’t have anyone else, online communities can be a HUGE help in connecting with others. Especially others like yourself. One of the biggest helpful tools I’ve stumbled across is a Facebook Group. It’s is a smaller group of people all over the globe who each deal with various chronic illnesses who also love fashion and self-expression. It’s an open forum to ask questions, to make self expression posts, to vent, to encourage each other, and to get help with some of the harder issues, because chances are, someone in the group has had a similar struggle. I recently had to ask about barometric pressure changes and if the affect anyone else, and how to deal with the weather as it comes, because it’s something I personally still struggle with, and some of the solutions and affirmations that came from asking truly helped. 

(Name and profile pic is blocked out for the privacy of the user.) Yourself:

You are your biggest support system. If all else fails, and trust me, I’ve been there, you have to learn how to rely on yourself.  If all we do is tear ourselves down, we have no way of helping ourselves back up. We need to make sure that daily we are making a point to build ourself up long-term so that we have a good foundation for our more difficult days. We need to make sure that we are putting in the work, time, and effort to take care of ourselves, understand ourselves, accept our problems and quirks, work on them as best as we can, and help ourselves every day. That way, when there are hard days, even when no one else is available, you have something within yourself to pull from to pick yourself back up. We can either be our own worst enemy or our best friend. That’s something that, regardless of any of these other relationships and resources, we are in control of and we can always improve on.  Overall: Seek out relationships that are healthy. Engage within them as healthily as you can! But most importantly, seek out a good relationship with yourself. Support systems often feel like everything, so it’s important that we invest in them whenever we can! Seeking out support systems is one of the many ways we can encourage ourselves to stay resilient!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #162

“in catholic school, vicious as roman rule, i got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black, and i held my tongue as she told me, ‘son, fear is the heart of love,’ so i never went back.”

Has a rainy day ever ruined your plans? I'm guessing at some point. Do you think you could survive a month of solitary confinement? HAHAHAHA NO I'd lose my fucking mind. What is something that you find utterly boring? TV in most cases. It's honestly really difficult for me to get into shows and be consistently entertained by them. What noise/sound can put you to sleep? Rain. When you are upset, do you tend to shut others out? It depends. Sometimes I seek comfort in others, other times I isolate. When was the last time you felt abandoned by someone? Recently. Does the sight of blood gross you out? Nope. Do you like red roses, or do you prefer another color? No preference, really. What is something you like to eat that is red? Strawberries. Have you ever gone through a red light? No. Do you fail to stop for stop signs, sometimes? No. When was the last time you were near the ocean? A couple months ago. What is your favorite eye color in the opposite sex? Bright blue. During which year of your life were you the most unhappy? 2016 was born of Satan himself. Have you ever seen a bluejay in person? Yeah, but now they give me a somewhat uncomfortable vibe, all the while thinking they're beautiful. Jason's nickname was "J Bird" by his father, and I collected feathers when I found them outside. Have you ever consumed a blue-colored drink? Mountain Dew Voltage is actually holy water. Is there anything you recycle, or should recycle? Ugh, we did recycle cans, but don't now.  Mom got tired of going to do it. However, we do keep plastic bags for cleaning up a mess the dogs might make, and I also use it when changing Roman's litter. Do you like leaves better in the summer/spring, or in the fall? Is ANYONE going to answer with other than fall??? What is your favorite aspect of life? Just. Experiencing it, experiencing the emotions, feeling alive and real and valid even with how incredibly fleeting we are in the eternal universe. I really can't stand nihilism. Like make a DIFFERENCE, because enough of those change the world. When was the last time you were purposely amongst nature? Not since going out on that walk like... forever ago. I can't do this heat, but here, I don't really. Have anywhere to go. What do you think of global warming & the greenhouse effect? If you don't believe in them, honestly, just don't talk to me. Do you typically like green-colored candies? Yessss, apple-flavored. <3 Who is the most energetic and happy person you know of? Hmmm, that I personally know? I'm not sure. Who makes you smile the most often? Sara and Mark can do it at a snap of the finger. Magicians. How do you express your happiness? I become very vocally affectionate and obsessively express love for others, care more than ever at cheering others up, and I smile, laugh, and talk more. Has someone helped you out in a big way, recently? I don't know about /big/ way recently. Do you like to sing? I think I'm starting to??? I don't like my voice, but. It feels good to do. Where is somewhere that holds fond memories for you? This fishing spot deep in the woods that Dad and I would go to a lot to catch mostly striper. I loved that it was in the core of nature. Sometimes I would just stop fishing to explore. Do you like to watch the setting/rising sun? Always when I get the opportunity. Do you know of anyone who is going down the wrong track? Shit, most people I know. Most people I was friends with. Have you ever encountered a black widow? I believe so? Pretty positive at least once. They're so pretty to me, buuut not touchin'. What scares you, more than anything else? Losing those that mean most to me. I fear them leaving me in life by choice more than them dying, possibly. If there was no afterlife, could you handle it? Uh, I have to???? I wouldn't be aware of anything????? When in life did you feel the most care-free? Obviously as a child. Are you well-hydrated? Do you like water? Technically, no. I drink about two bottles a day I'd say, but that's not actually enough. I'm not a big fan of water, but. I do it for my health. Has an animal ever peed on you? Lol Venus did once when she was chilling on me for a long time, and some rodents I've had probably have. What would make a cool substitute color for the sun? Let her be p i n k. Which do you prefer: purple or pink? Can you guess??? What is your favorite color of the sunset/sunrise? *screams in pink* Is purple a good color for a car? Yaaaas. Do you prefer green or purple/red grapes? Purple. The green ones usually aren't firm enough for my taste. What color is your birthstone? Purple. Do you prefer hardly toasted at all or burnt toast? Barely toasted. Do you prefer guitar or piano music? Guitar if it's electric, but otherwise usually piano. Have your parents ever suspected something untrue about you? I don't believe so. Have you ever wished you’d been born someplace else? Yup. I'd far rather prefer to have not been born here. Have you ever had, or wanted, a pet ferret? Wanted. What’s a habit you find gross? Smoking. What’s the worst tattoo you’ve ever seen? This girl got her boyfriend's name a c r o s s  h e r  f a c e. What’s your favorite name ever? Alessandra. Think of how you used to be 3 years ago: how do you feel about who you were back then? Depressed as fuck. What’s the strangest fortune you’ve ever gotten from a fortune cookie? None come to mind. Do people ever force you to eat? Biiiitch you ain't gotta force me lmao. Is there a TV show you’ve wanted to start watching but never gotten around to? When I actually watched TV, uh... I'm not sure. When’s the last time you felt pressured to do something you didn’t really want to do? Not sure. Who was the last person to mess with your feelings? Mini. When was the last time you were in denial about something? What about? Boy, so many "I dunno"-type answers lol. I'm not really one for denial. Is there any certain style of architecture you really enjoy? GOTHIC. What was the last thing you gave up on? Colleen. 110% done with her ass. How easy is it for you to talk to someone else about your feelings? IT'S HARD. If you watch Parks and Recreation, who is your favorite character? Don't watch. Do you like watching documentaries? About animals, yes. What’s the last DIY project you did, if any? If you can’t remember, what’s something you’d be interested in doing? I've never done one. I suppose I'd like some Halloween ones I've seen. When’s the last time you had a problem that nobody could help you with? Recently. Friendship stuff. Do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? Why do you despise them? No. How many times a week do you shower? Is this a healthy thing for you? Four, usually. It's good for me. How many times a day do you eat a full meal? Is this a healthy thing to you?  Like... maybe only once. Or none. What’s your favorite movie? Why do you like this movie so much? The Lion King. Who doesn't love it??? What’s your favorite genre of movies? Why is this?  Horror. They just give me adrenaline, and I think about what if that actually happened. How many times a day do you say I love you? Who to usually? Always before bed to Sara. Sometimes multiple times a day to her. Always to Mom if she's leaving to go somewhere for a while. Do you prefer hoodies or jackets? Why do you prefer this choice? Hoodies. Just more comfy to me. Have you ever contemplated suicide before? Ever attempted it before? Contemplated a million times. Attempted once. Do knives scare you? Is it from watching scary movies? Yes, and no. They have horrifying potential to cause serious pain and warrant torture. Then I was running to slit my throat the night of the breakup, but Mom had to physically stop me, so I'm just. Uncomfortable around them. What would you consider to be the worst television channel out there? MTV. Have you ever had anyone drop off animals at your house and what kind? No. Do you remember when some of the Walmarts had a McDonald’s in them? Both the two in my area still do. When was the last time you were stung by a bee and what kind was it? Early spring, maybe? It was a bumblebee. Do you know anyone personally who had their house burn down before? Yes. Do you think the media can further manipulate our teenagers anymore? HAHAHAHA IT'LL NEVER END. Have you ever had someone sympathetically lie to make you feel better? Probably. Do you know anyone who has their septum pierced and does it look painful? Yes, and for me personally, yes, because I have thick cartilage. Has anyone ever kissed you in the rain and did it seem romantic at the time? Yeah, and I guess. When was the last time you listened to a genre of you music you despise? A couple days ago in the car. "IDFC" by Blackbear came on and I love that song okay. Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? No. Does your ex still think about you? Probably not. Honestly, who is the last person to tell you that they love you? Sara. Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? More like literally all night with a few pauses. What color was the last swimsuit you wore? Black. Have you ever been to an auto show? When I was very young because our family friend invited us to one. I was too young to stay home alone. Do you know anyone who still doesn’t have a smart phone? Maybe. Have you ever been on a cruise? No. Have you ever had an x-ray? Yes. What is your favorite Thanksgiving food? Honey ham, but I can't eat it anymore. What letter does your surname begin with? "D." Did you have a New Years kiss this year? No. Do you prefer to eat carrots raw or cooked? I hate carrots so much. What was the first video game you remember playing? Spyro. What is your favorite flavor of Skittles? Red. Have you ever met a famous political figure? No. What’s your go-to website when you’re really bored? I guess Facebook if it's been some hours since I looked. What is your favorite chocolate bar? The Reeses one made of little rectangles. But if you mean like, a *traditional* bar, Milky Way. What is your least favorite Sour Patch Kids color? Orange. Have you ever seen the movie Matilda? Yesss, adore it. Are you allergic to nuts or diary products? No. Do you have trust issues? "Pistanthrophobia: fear of trusting people due to past experience and relationships gone wrong." Do you think age matters in relationships? In romantic ones, yes it does if one is a juvenile. I can't find anything morally wrong with adults and big gaps, but they creep me out regardless. Has anyone ever called the cops on you? No. Have you ever had your nails so long that they curved down at the ends?
 Omg no. Do you always wear flip flops no matter what the weather is? Is this??????? A direct attack????????? Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty feet? No, but it'd creep me the fuck out. If you don’t have one already, would you consider getting an iPhone? I want one. Who would you consider your favorite stand-up comedian? Living, not sure. Actually, probably Gabriel Iglesias. Would you say you’re too experienced or too inexperienced for your age? The latter. What is your favorite neon color? Ever buy nail polish that color? Pink. I don't paint my nails. Has anyone ever mistaken you to be a member of the opposite sex? No. Would you ever consider yourself over-dramatic? Not usually, but I can be. How often do you text people? Who do you text the most? Everyday, and Sara. What would you consider your second choice as a dream career? I really don't know. Both my dream jobs aren't obtainable for me, but uh. I guess something involving art. What is the longest amount of time you’ve played video games consecutively? Ha, definitely when a new WoW expansion came out. Can't remember if I played WoD or Legion longer in one go. Do you ever use cheats when you play video games? The kind that makes shit easier, no. Aesthetic changes, sure. Does your family go 'all out’ during the holidays? No. What’s your favorite kind of lunch meat to put on a sandwich? Ham, when I ate meat. When will you next see the person you love or are in love with? OCTOBER 3RD. Do you have anything that’s limited edition?
 Maybe? How well can you handle vulgar things (i.e. gore, disturbing images, etc)?
 I have a pretty high tolerance. But not so much at like disgusting medical issues. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? I'm most likely marrying a girl. And I'm a girl, so. Who was the last male you hung out with? My dad! Who is your favorite person to text? Sara. She texts just like she talks, so I actually have interesting and more "real" conversations with her. What’s one nickname your family calls you? Just "Britt," really. Has anyone ever mistaken you for being gay/lesbian/bi? I had a therapist once who thought I was gay in middle school, so before I realized I was bi. Explain why you last threw up? A medicine I was on REALLY didn't like me. Ever kissed your best friend's significant other? That would be me. :'D But if you don't count Sara, no. Everyone deserves a second chance, right? Nooope. Would you ever want to ride in a canoe? I'd love to!!! Gay marriage: love is love or a horrible stand against God? Fuck any "loving" god who thinks consensual, sincere love is evil. Honestly. I will never be able to fathom how I was once against it. Do people tell you that you have an accent? No. Have you ever had an eating disorder? No. Do you prefer road trips or traveling on an airplane? Road triiiips! Do you enjoy tanning? Not at all. Have you ever seen The Breakfast Club and what’s your opinion of it? I didn't get the hype at all. Have you ever touched a dead body? Dead pets. Which of the seven deadly sins do you commit the most? Sloth. Did you have a Furby when you were younger? Yes. Demonic creatures. What part of your body are you self-conscious about? Everything???? But my stomach more than anything. Have you ever made out on a couch? Yeah. Have you ever been drunk at school or work? Nah. Have you finished school yet? I'm resuming college in January. What is your favorite kind of fruit juice? Mango and peach. Have you ever used a muscle stimulator before? Did it hurt? No. Have you ever done anything dangerous enough to have risked your life? Overdosing. Other things that we don't really think about too, like driving. Do you consider yourself egotistical? Do people call you egotistical? Not at all. I don't think anyone has? What gives you anxiety? So much, but I'll try to list those I can think of. Socializing (especially with those I don't know well), deciding the appropriate amount of eye contact when talking, making phone calls, driving, public speaking, being beside 18-wheelers, talking about things I'm really really passionate about, asking for things, awkward silences, answering the door for anyone (like when pizza is delivered and such), most men making even the slightest move that could be seen as flirting, and the list goes on and on. Could you ever be a medical guinea pig? Fuck that. Whats your favorite letter of the alphabet? "Z," maybe. Or "x." Whats your favorite Disney movie? TLK. "Finding Nemo" is right behind it. Have you ever handled a snake? Plenty of times. Could you ever be a living organ donor? For my mom, Dad, Sara, or my sisters, yes. Mom only has one kidney so I'd give up one of mine in a heartbeat if the last one was going. Have you ever contemplated suing someone? No. Have you ever drawn on a sleeping or inebriated person? No. Is it acceptable or unacceptable to smack a child as form of discipline? Fuck no. What’s your favorite way to dress? I feel most like myself in a gothic or metalhead look. What movie/game/etc. helps you calm down? My best bet of calming down via media is watch Mark. Probably go to old favorites. No movie is guaranteed to help me. Playing Silent Hill can soothe me, though. Ironically. Primarily the second. I think its the subtle ambiance and the steady footsteps that just relax me a bit. BUT SH2 also has my favorite soundtrack, so the actual music in it just does it for me. Do you believe in auras? I think I might? The concept is very interesting and some people really are talented at picking up the vibes of others. Animals are especially talented at that. What instrument do you wish you could master? Guitar. What do you put on hotdogs? When I ate them, ketchup and mustard. Do you have an unpopular opinion? What is it? Guacamole is fucking disgusting. Have you ever legitimately saved a person's life? No. What's your favorite book genre? Tbh, if I was to start reading again, I almost feel like it'd be something like teen/young adult romance???? Or fantasy, idk. Actually why not both. Do dogs like you? No joke, I've never had a dog be wary of me for more than a minute or so when first meeting me, rarely even that. Even when I go to others' houses and they have a usually uncertain dog, it's always pointed out that it's strange how (s)he takes to me so quickly.

[optimisticcritique]

Gotham 4x14 - Review 

Is this technically a review? Sometimes I wonder if I should call this “highlights” or “reactions” instead but I do share opinions and recap the ending so...kind of a review? I’ll stick with review I suppose. 

Wait, why are you burning the mask? Did the hallucination mean nothing to you?!

I know it is supposed to be a bit revolting but the way that guy is eating that pickle makes me want one.

You know, if you had chewed quietly with your mouth closed, she might have let you live. #tablemannerscansavelives

"It's all about family" says the person that hired people to murder her father... 

"Never said it was a happy family" relatable, unfortunately.

I don't blame Alfred for refusing. Bruce, you suck at apologies. Try actually saying the word “sorry” next time. 

At least Alfred is giving him the chance to show him that he changed. 

I was wondering why Ed hasn’t tried any pills by now. Dude, that cannot be safe. I hope you know what you are taking.

"cuckoo pills" lol just the way he says it.

"Who's it from?" That smug expression as he pretends to be oblivious. 

Whoa whoa whoa *pauses to look at the letter and holds up giant magnifying glass* If there is a clue in here... I have no idea what it is. That being said, this letter of apology is amazing. I hope Oswald actually means it and doesn’t say “haha just kidding. I only sent it so you would find the clue and break me out” later.

"I think that's a nice letter" Okay, this made me laugh too much. I love you, you conniving piece of-wow, now I can’t get the riddler playing match maker out of my head. 

The Riddler:  "It's a nice letter...you should hear him out...possibly rescue him since you will already be there...cause some murder together while you are at it....maybe grab some dinner afterward...." 

I just picture him pushing even further, “Remember the good times you shared? Nursing him back to health, murdering mister Leonard, being his chief of staff, hallucinating him singing to you seductively...” “I was not-those were-UGH”

"I'm never going to forgive him" never say never Ed. You are destined villain soul mates apparently.

 "What has eyes but can't see?"  I think you are having way too much fun. Also, I don't know the exact answer but I am betting it has to do with not seeing the bigger picture with the letter or the origami penguin message.

Jim, you totally interrupted Lucius. He was on a role! I know you are worried about your boyfriend Harvey being dead with plants bursting from his body but let's look at priorities here. Harvey has decent sized plot armor and Foxy probably won't get much screen time in this episode, let him finish a sentence.       

"Too late" "No, we're not" He knows him so well. He just looks dead. It's how he sleeps. 

Speaking of which, look at how sprawled he is on that couch....when there is a bed inches away from him. Like, honestly, I know he is probably hung over/drunk but that's not a bad way to sleep. 

Harvey: *sees a squad of police that burst into the apartment* *thinks about what is most important* "Hey, someone's paying for that door!" 

"You can't put this on me!" "I'm not putting it on you!" Oh, grade A bickering right there... 

I guess you aren't a real villain until you end up on TV. How do the villains end up with this kind of connection? 

"...once I find my pants" At least you noticed before you started walking down the street. That's progress. 

The Narrows stealth squad is on the case!

"A complete set of encyclopedias...minus the T" *silence* "plus twenty bucks"  *cheers and runs out* 

Lol Ed. Yeah, don't blame them. Let's face it though, the main reason they weren't excited was because the T was gone. If it isn't complete, what is the point? 

I have so many thoughts from this short scene. 

First...what happened to the T? Was it stolen? Who stole it? Why did they want it?  

Second... Pretty certain the reason he chose encyclopedias was because that is what HE loved and wanted as a kid. That was little Eddie's dream right there. Ugh give us more on Ed’s childhood already!

Third... Ed does well with kids! I want an Ed/Martin scene. I want him to give him encyclopedias, teach him riddles, play video games together, etc. as Oswald wears matching outfits with Martin and teaches Martin how to murder. Give it to me, Gotham!

"You couldn't even stop her from hypnotizing your own cops" fair point. Selina would have better luck. 

Yes! I am so happy to see Selina say she is her friend. I love when the show focuses on these relationships and does not forget them.

Should have noticed something was fishy when Harvey actually did call, saying he got a lead. You know he would try to do this on his own.

Hit him Jim! Hit him like you did Lucius! ...Does Harvey have any hidden fighting/defense skills that we know nothing about too? 

"Cognitive impairment. Definite check. Though, to be fair, how would you know?" The super extra hand gestures are always a delight. 

Scenes like these make me laugh more than it should. It's like Ed doesn't need anyone else to make fun of him or insult his intelligence. He already has this covered....actually... this is also quite sad. As it is basically him belittling and making fun of himself...wow, I just totally ruined the moment for myself. 

"The only way to get rid of me is to kill yourself" Oh no...no...I thought this might come up as a possibility but I just assumed the show wouldn't go down this way. Such angst...I mean, I like the angst and it makes sense but...it is so real. 

I am kind of surprised that the "you shot my father" revenge decided to come into play now and not sooner. I guess she is more powerful and ruthless now but she had somewhat perfume power last season. 

"I'm sure whatever happened was your fault" Well, she isn't wrong.   

"So technically, your ex has been sleeping with your dead husband's mafia sister" lol well, when you put it like that, Ed... And this is what people who are not watching the show are missing. 

Imagine if Ed actually did tell Lee what has been happening, his issues and all. Would it make things better? Worse? He should really talk to someone about his problems before going suicidal.

I never noticed how great Harvey's hair was...he wears the hat so much that I forget he has hair under there, let alone how long it is.

"I've only got myself to blame" ...okay, Jim. This is the part where you say, "No, don't blame yourself. I screwed up too." Harvey did make some bad choices but you shouldn't let him take ALL the blame, even if you think it is true.  

"He's been everything to me...a teacher, a protector, he's been a father to me" That’s pretty ambiguous. Who are you talking about? Alfred? Jim? Your pet bird? I mean, he said he hoped he would give him another chance but didn't actually name names...

Crowd: "Yeah...but what about the foundation? What does this man taking care of you have to do with money? Where did the money go?"

 Come on, Bruce! Don't give up so easily. You are supposed to be more stubborn than this. 

This got dark fast. I know he won't kill himself but man...

He's going to try to get him to go to arkham so he can meet Ozzie, isn't he?  

Those flowers are rather lovely...although, I would prefer ones that didn't cause mass murder as they grow within the bodies of those that breath them, thanks. 

Yeah, you get them, Bruce! "This is who you are." Yes, thank you Alfred. Embrace it, Bruce. Embrace it! Honestly, it wasn’t that long ago when Alfred told him not to do stuff like this. Time really flies. 

Geez Jim, why can’t you be more careful when you shoot guns. 

If only he knew who he was chasing. Maybe he would use his time so much better if he was looking for Ivy instead. 

Get used to the disappearing, Jim.

It seems Bruce isn't the only one that will wait and creep in the darkness to get a drop on you. 

"Well, Selina Kyle turns out to be the hero" "I'm no hero" Maybe not but you are not as bad when compared to most criminals in the city. 

"I wasn't running. I was getting this. "  Thinking with her smarts there.

Selina, you are doing great. This is the stuff I love to see. 

Well, at least she got through to her enough to not murder her or turn her into a human plant incubator. Progress. 

Imagine if Ed was there with Lee. Wonder if they would have tried to shoot him dead too... 

What is with Gotham and their hand fetish?

You know, I have seen hands get cut off and stabbed every which way in this show but the hammer...the hammer is the one that gave me sympathy pains and had me cringing. Poor Lee, it sounded painful. 

Oh, Sofia, you are going to wish you didn't do that. You would have been better off if you had Lee as an ally. 

"Arkham doesn't get many volunteers" Can't imagine why. 

"You do know who I am, right?" It's like a famous person trying to get into a party. Except, I don't think this is a party Ed would want to get into. 

Wow, Oswald with his tears of happiness. He looks so proud and excited that his love letter was answered. 

Why does Oswald look totally insane in this scene? How long ago did he send the letter? I mean, he was miserable but he wasn’t quite like this.

Oswald: *is all excited, proud, and emotional* “He read my letter!”  This seems like the same reaction someone would have if a famous person liked or responded to their tweet/email/fanart. 

“I’m not talking to you Ed” Dang, first Ed was the third wheel in 4x12 with Lee/Jim and now here he is again with Oswald/Riddler. 

"I'm talking to him..." wait...so he knew about the riddler being...okay, I admit, I did not see this coming. At all. 

Ed looking back like, "You can see him too?" Honestly, he seems like he assumed Oswald knew nothing about what was going on so I can see why he might think that. Imagine how weird would it be if Oswald could see him. Like, it is not plausible but it would blow fans minds. 

"I see the other you" Hmm...just last episode you said I know you and now this. I feel like this needs to be added to an analysis somewhere.

The way Oswald lets go... he's trying not to be too rough. He has made similar movements with Ed before.

Earned it? Through what? Solving your clues and willing to break you out? Even when Oswald has to say the name he still has to be this way, giving an excuse like that. 

I really want to know how much Oswald actually understands. I don’t think he realizes how serious this is for Ed but it is all very unclear on what he does know. Great...this is going to bother me for at least a week now. 

"Please....don't...." Well, this makes me sad. I don't know how to feel about this. I hate seeing ed like this. 

"I need you....” *whispers* "riddler" Wow, okay. Thanks for this. That was more tender and sexual than intended. 

The Riddler needed to be Oswald-approved with his kink before he could show up.

Then caressing his hand against his cheek...totally a normal thing to do with an ex-best friend and co-conspirator. This scene is confusing my emotions. 

Ooh those laughs. They look so happy. The Riddler is coming! ...and with the Penguin! Nygmobbleplot begins. 

This Alfred and Bruce scene is so touching.  

"I'm home" yes, you are <3 Let's face it, the mansion is better than any place you were living any way. Cheaper, better food, more space, less getting framed for murder... 

You better specify when you knew that she hired the Pyg, Jim. Don't want him to think you knew too early. 

You decided to take her down now? It really should have been when you found out that she murdered her father but better late than never I guess. 

I am curious how long Sofia will last. Granted, she has quite a few people on her side...but she also has many enemies. I can't see it ending well. Better book a vacation and get out while you still can, girl.  

Over all: I enjoyed the episode a lot. It did bring some confusion on the Ed situation but I enjoyed it nonetheless. It is just kind of sad that it seems Ed/Riddler still is not “whole” yet. That being said, I need to see more before I make too many assumptions. I am interested in where it goes and excited to see what happen next. I am also happy to see Bruce changing his ways once again and seeing reunions all around. This should be fun now that everyone is back together again. Bruce and Alfred make up, Bruce accepts that he ready to save people again. Ivy and Selina have a confrontation where Selina tries to appeal to her friend, Ivy still flees. Harvey and Jim make up, plan to take down Sofia as Jim shares the truth with Harvey. Sofia crushes Lee’s hand that sends her to the hospital, essentially takes the Narrows more under her control. Ed deals with his riddler issues and ends up visiting arkham. The riddler has returned, teams up with Penguin, and is going to break him out of arkham.   

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