#the day I got her I wept 😂

[romanoffsbish]

Shelter me From the Storm

Actress!Natasha Romanoff x F!R

Stripped Bare (Part 1) / Two people asked for this and I already had the ideas so boom. 😂

Warnings: Loss of Parent / Grief. Post-Partum Depression (Not mentioned, but heavily implied—hygiene/eating struggles, struggle to bond/help). Media (Implied lack of respect for Sex Work).

Smut: Soft | Daddy (N) | Nat has a penis | Oral (Both) | Fingering | Overstimulation | Squirting | Unprotected / Breeding | Cockwarming (Plugging)

18+ | Minors DNI | Please Don’t Report, it’s labeled properly.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Natasha's raspy voice startled you, but it also soothed your aching soul. It'd been exactly two months since the two of you moved to Oregon to officially start your life together. "My mom, us, them."

The redhead nodded solemnly, worried eyes casted down onto your fidgeting hands. She settled down beside you on the porch swing, and took your freezing hands between hers. Gently as ever she kissed, and breathed onto them until she deemed them warm enough.

"You couldn't have worn mittens?" She teased, then her strong arms wrapped around your body so she could pull you into her lap. Her forehead leaned against yours as she tried her best to comfort you. It was you who broke the distance and pressed your lips to hers for a kiss that reminded you that you were really there.

——

You were still alive, even if your mom wasn't. The thought broke you, this idea that Apollo and Luna would grow up without her love.

"I miss her," you sniffled, and the redhead sighed empathetically, "Me too moya lyubov'."

A smile graced your face at the memories of Nat with your mom. They'd only known one another for a little over a year, but your wife stole your mother's heart instantly. The sick woman never missed a chance to talk to her, even if it involved interrupting your convos.

They had a pure love of you in common, so it was easy for them to spend hours talking. It warmed your heart, but also infuriated you to no end when your mom shared your secrets.

Natasha never needed to know about your failed prom, or about how you believed in Santa and his friends until sophomore year.

The redhead loved to tease you about it, even now, "Who else will tell me all your secrets?"

"Thank fuck that's over," you sadly joked, because embarrassing as it was, you'd let your mother release all of your most embarrassing moments in life if it meant she was still here.

"Ooh, What about Cole?"

You snorted, "Not if he wants to stay alive."

"You're no fun."

Silence soon fell over the both of you as you watched the rain harshly pelting down. The pavement, and dirt saturated in no time as mother nature wept, you weren't sure of her reason, but you liked to think it was for your mom. She loved the rain, it never presented as an inconvenience to her like it did for others, you remember chasing the rainbows with her.

Losing her was polarizing really. It was always coming, but you were never prepared for it.

All that really brought you comfort since she passed, was that she met your daughter first.

Luna Romanoff, the little girl with your wife's cheeky smile, and your mothers love for music.

At only ten months old she was a little rockstar. The xylophone was her go to instrument, it made you feel like your mom's name as her middle prophesied their clear connection. They had met, then five hours later your mom died.

Natasha took care of everything after, she still does some days when you can't manage. You usually feel bad, but every time she senses it, and reminds you that there's nothing else she'd rather be doing than caring for her family.

"I'm going to miss you too," you finally broke it, voice cracking as your emotions got the best of you. "I wish you didn't have to leave at all."

"Me neither," Nat replied in the same tone, a tear slipped down her face as she stewed over her departure this evening. Leaving you in such a vulnerable state wasn't easy, but she hadn't a choice as she had to do a slurry of interviews for her upcoming film, as well as clear the air on her sudden disappearance from Hollywood.

It was the only way the execs would let her off the hook for the premiere. The buzz from her interviews will give them enough scandalous PR. Especially when she announces this will be her last film for a long while. The seats will fill.

She'd pleaded for zoom interviews, but even being as big as she was, they wouldn't budge.

"I wouldn't go if I had a choice," she reminded you for the umpteenth time. "I know Natty."

"It just sucks," she voiced your thoughts.

You chuckled humorlessly, "Majorly."

The sudden sound of a cry through the baby monitor brought you and your wife out of your bubble of intermixed grievances, and right into the house where you found a shocked Apollo hovering over Luna's traveling bassinet.

Five minutes ago they were peacefully napping, one in a heap of blankets and toys, while the other was cozy in her bed. It was safest not to move your son, he'd have woken up lively.

Where he lays, he stays—a household motto.

The scene was clear as day, he'd climbed up onto the couch with a devious curiosity, and now it appears the young boy had slapped her.

Natasha swiftly moved to the side of the couch, stopping your son from repeating the offense with a gentle catch of his hand. With ease she scooped the boy onto her hip, then she lovingly reached down to smooth a hand over your daughters face. Her cries stopped instantly.

After your daughter was soothed you watched quietly as Natasha handled your son. Her look was stern, but her eyes were still adoringly soft. There was no true harm done, it was clear Luna was mostly just shocked, not genuinely hurt.

Plus, he's only two, this was like a canon event.

"Apo," she called his attention to her with the nickname derived from his inability to say his. "You have to be gentle," she softly reminded him, using her hand to mimic proper touch as she continued to brush her hand over your daughters face until she was sleeping again.

Apollo butchered the word as he repeated it, but he mimicked her perfectly. Tiny hands covered in god knows what reached out to cup her face, something he'd seen done before. Both of your hearts beamed at the boy for his slow, but steady understanding. This would probably happen again, from both ends, but you knew that it would be an easy resolution.

Natasha's gentle approach to the kids was a surprising discovery you'd made. Not that you expected her to be downright cruel, but you just expected more sternness from your former experiences. But then you remember the Natty that you'd loved was always there back then too, and then it all makes sense. The first time you witnessed it was when your infant son was playing with an extension cord. You wanted to run over and rip it from his hands, but she'd stopped you with a hand on your shoulder.

Instead she walked over to him, created some static electricity with her hands then tapped his. It seemed almost cruel, but then she picked him up as he wailed, then that soon faded into hiccups and it all became clearer to you.

He'd wanted her attention all along, and she taught him a valuable lesson in the process.

The gentleness came right after, when she held him close while she hummed a Russian lullaby to soothe him. All the while pointing to the enticing cord and saying a simple, firm no-no.

You remember watching them fondly, with a smile on your face, a hand on your bump, and a subtle sense of relief that'd washed over you.

No matter what came, you knew you'd all be safe with Natasha. Parenting was a learning curve, without your mom to guide you you've lost it, but you felt like she'd had it mastered.

That's why after the night slowly crept in you anticipated the arrival of your little brother. He's flying in from New York, and should be to your house by 8:30pm, and Nat has to be gone by 9pm, or she knows she'll never make it.

Apollo had already gone down for the night, but Luna Bear was still a live wire. Bouncing on her mama's hip while haphazardly shaking her head side to side in a tiring game of 'no-no'

"Wow, you've gotten so big Lunar Eclipse," your brother greeted the giggling baby, who turned to him with a wide, curious smile. Natasha sent him one as well at the relief she felt since she no longer had to shake her head.

"Luna," you corrected with a fixed glare. "I've been meaning to ask you about that sis."

"Cole," you warned through gritted teeth, and for the first time Natasha had realized the help she planned might actually be the bother.

"Why would you name your kids like animals?"

Natasha glared at your brother just the same, coddling the baby into her chest with a hand over her ear to shield her from hearing him

"You're the most annoying person on Earth," you deadpanned, he gasped in offense. "Give me the cat, and say your sappy goodbyes."

Natasha's arms around your waist stopped you from chasing your cackling brother down as he took your giggling daughter into the house.

"Don't leave me with him," you pleaded. "I won't look good in an orange jumpsuit Nat."

Natasha snorted softly, "You're so dramatic." Then she leaned in to kiss you slowly, a bunch of unspoken words being exchanged: 'I'm only a call away,' 'Don't kill your brother, please,' and 'Seriously, call me if you need me,' but the most important of messages came tumbling from your very own parted lips, "I love you."

Natasha smiled against you, she instantly repeated the sentiment, "I love you too Y/N. With all of me. You'll be okay detka. Promise."

The driver honked impatiently, and you fought off the urge to flip them off. Natasha rolled her eyes as she saw the petty conflict behind yours. "I'll be back in three sleeps sweetheart, you take care of yourself while I'm gone please."

Natasha sighed as she saw you bite your lip, a nervous habit of yours she'd become familiar with. You never wanted to disappoint Natasha, but you felt like you always were when you couldn't even manage the mundane tasks.

"It's hard, I know it is," she sympathized with your newfound wave of inability. "But eat, drink water, and sleep whenever possible."

"I'll try," you whisper against her chest as she hugs you close for a final moment. "That's all I ask moya lyubov, you deserve to be nourished."

"Three days," you whispered, your eyes shut tight as you reeled in your emotions. You could break down when she made it onto the road.

"Then there'll be no more leaving, we got this."

"Safe travels Natty." You kissed her cheek, then made the move to slip from her grasp, knowing all too well that she wouldn't willingly let go.

As you entered the house she watched, making her driver more irritated but she didn't care. His paycheck was signed by her, therefore his patience was paid for. She watched closely and nearly broke down when she saw a little Luna crying as her hands slammed into the window.

It was strange, how the ten month old could understand the implications of her mother in the car, and it hurt the woman's aching soul.

Once you locked the door, and scooped your daughter up she told released a breath and told the driver he could take off as she sent off a worried text to Cole, begging him to keep an eye on you like he promised her he would.

Then she sat back and began to count down the milliseconds until she could return to you.

—

The following morning came with a wake up Facetime call, your wife waited until it was 9am your time, then spent hours virtually cuddling. Around 12pm she bid you farewell, as it was 3pm in New York, her interview was for 6pm, but with makeup and wardrobe it was time.

It was live, so at 3pm you'd ensured the babies were already down for a nap, and settled onto the couch in some clean pajamas with your emotional support water bottle, and chips.

Natasha looked beautiful as she crossed the stage, with practiced elegance she flashed her award winning smile, and you swooned. It felt like it was directed at you, and with it being your Natasha you realized it probably was.

They discussed the movie, it was a smooth interview, until the hot topic, you, came up.

"So, tell me Natasha, who's the mystery girl?"

Natasha instantly grimaced, but quickly shook the expression for one of happiness. "My wife."

"Wife, huh?" He chuckled nervously, you both saw a question on his mind designed to send you spiraling. "Fans across the globe really thought you'd end up with Wanda Maximoff."

Natasha breathed harshly through her nose, it took all of her patience to remain composed.

"Wanda is nothing more than a lifelong friend." Natasha cooly replied. "Who's happily engaged, need I remind you, to The Vision Stark."

"Hindsight is 20/20," he jested awkwardly.

"Mhm," Natasha hummed, not even humoring the man with a response as she watched him fumble through his note cards for more. She smiled, it was perceivably smug, and made you feel something you'd yet to in almost a year.

He took a steadying breath before his face relaxed, then he continued his futile attack.

"I have it on good authority that your wife, Y/N Y/L/N." Natasha cut him off, "Romanoff."

"Sorry," he replied annoyedly, "We've been informed that Y/N Romanoff was a stripper."

Natasha nods thoughtfully. "Is there a question there, or are we just stating useless facts. If so, I'd like to inform you your tie is on wrong."

Your eyes widened, in all your years of knowing of Natasha, you'd never seen her so snarky. It was really hot, and you truly couldn't deny it.

"I guess, if it wasn't obvious," he starts shakily, as if he feared the 5'3 redheaded woman. "The world is wondering if that's how you met."

"Well, the honest answer is yes." The audience gasped, she rolled her eyes behind her lids knowing they were likely prompted to do that for shock value alone. "I know right? How shocking that rich people still go to strip clubs."

Her eyes then narrowed onto the nervous host. "As if you yourself aren't a regular Johnny."

"Jimmy," he timidly corrected and she laughed. Boy did she laugh, it was mocking, and had the man sweating through his shirt. "My apologies, so tell me Jimbo, does your wife know what happens during the actual late nights? We both know this show is mislabeled. It ends by 7pm, but your life is only just beginning then right?"

The raven haired man gulped, it was clear Nat was prepared for his intrusive questioning. You caught sight of Natasha's sideways smirk just as the show cut to a commercial, and when it returned your wife was no longer there. Cole snickered from beside you, "Mom would have loved to see this, God, I adore your wife Y/N."

You hummed your agreement, then left him to tend to the crying babies while you answered your wife's phone call. She was panicking, but you reassured her that it'll be okay. That her die hard fans wouldn't leave, and that with the progressive nature of Hollywood that she'd likely receive accolades for her honesty, and her overall support of the sex work industry.

Even if you both knew it wasn't a guarantee, Natasha couldn't help but to believe you. In the end, if this is where her career ended she didn't mind. She had more than enough money to retire, and she still would have her business.

Natasha ended the call after you'd calmed her as she had more interviews to prepare for.

It felt fulfilling being there for her, helping her through a freak out for once instead of it being the other way around. You knew it wasn't a competition, but it's hard to think otherwise when it's always you on the visibly weaker end.

There was a renewed confidence in your step now, and it showed when you fixed lunch for the whole house instead of letting Cole. You'd ushered him off to play with the kids, and got comfy with the concepts of cooking again.

—

When the next day came you got to hear from Nat sporadically. She told you all about her day, the highlight apparently came when she got to answer fan's questions while playing with cats. You rolled your eyes, knowing now that she'd be insufferable until you finally said yes to her taking in the stray kittens that lived amongst Wanda's garden. The brunette wanted to take them to a shelter a week ago, but Nat told her she'd win you over soon enough.

She begged again before she got off the call, and she was right, because that evening you sent her a picture before she went to sleep of a relieved Wanda on your doorstep with a box.

Natasha called you on the verge of tears, she'd only hung up the phone an hour ago so she could take a shower and get ready for bed. It was only 4pm for you, and 7pm for her, but she had an early morning interview before she was then meant to catch an afternoon flight home.

So, after she thanked you profusely, she settled down in her bed, and you on the couch as you pulled up her most recent interview done with Clint Barton. An actor turned talk show host.

He was also her very best friend, so of course she gave him the tell all story others wanted.

"So Natasha," Clint started with a teasing smirk. "Mhm?" She hummed playfully, her eyes softly rolled as a smirk overtook her face.

"When do I get to meet my niece and nephew?"

"Whenever you catch a flight out to Oregon."

"That's right," he bounces off her seamlessly, "You made the bold move to the Beaver state, what is in Oregon that's not in LA or NYC?"

"Peace," she answered simply. "It's gorgeous, and it's where my love wanted to end up."

Clint smiled, it was incredibly genuine as he admired the lovesick one your wife wore. The man has yet to meet you, but he plans to hug you tightly in silent thanks for changing her life for the better and making her this happy. He's watched her through every phase, the partying, all the meaningless hooking up, to the present.

Where she is outwardly softer, but as expected she is still guarded where she needed to be.

"Your love," he acknowledges, a slight tease to his tone as he met her eyes again. "Why don't you tell me all about who's taking you from us."

Natasha glared at him, but it was a playful way, that she agreed to, to ease her into her purpose for this interview. "You know Clint, I've been acting ever since I was a kid," she thoughtfully began, "It's all I've ever known honestly. It's been my greatest passion for three decades."

She took in a steadying breath, then sighed while wearing a shy smile, "It wasn't until I met her that I envisioned more for myself," her cheeks reddened at the thought of exposing herself in such a vulnerable way to the world.

Acting, telling others stories, was what she did best, but it felt foreign to tell her own like this.

With her eyes closed she imagined your smile, then she heard the memory of your kids giggles and suddenly it was the easiest decision. "Y/N is my light at the end of the tunnel, truthfully."

Clint nodded proudly, leaning back in his seat to metaphorically open the floor up to her.

"I know the world is already freaking out, some angry that I'm off the market, others mad that she's a former stripper, but I don't know why any of that matters to them." Natasha frowned as she tried not to cry. "People are saying my career will end with this, and to those people I say good fucking riddance. I've given almost every last piece of me to this industry, and if me finally choosing my happiness is a problem then I'll let it be for only them. I'm happier than I've ever been, and that is my truth."

"So, you're leaving Hollywood behind?" He asked for clarity, and she shook her head in a partial negation. "I have decided to take a step back, this upcoming film is going to be my final for an indefinite amount of time. I want to focus on my family, and I deserve a break."

"That you do Natasha," Clint acknowledged, behind him on a screen a slideshow of all of her hit movies began to appear. Emphasizing the focus of conversation. "If you retired today I'd say that you've left your mark on the world, even more so with those beautiful babies."

"They are my entire world." Natasha clarified, they were her legacy, sure, but they were so much more than that too. They were a perfect mixture of you both. Apollo with her distinctive eyes, and your sweet smile. Then Luna with her smile, and dimples and your huffy temper.

Both with their own blooming personalities.

The redhead smiled brightly when a photo then flickered on the screen of your little family. The four of you were sat on a park bench, Apollo stood on her lap with his hand pointing to something behind her, she had smiled at the camera, but her eyes focus was torn between him and the phone. Then sat beside her was you, with a blanket over your chest, shielding the hungry baby from the harsh Fall winds.

It was meant to be a cute family photo, and it still was, but far more dysfunctional than intended. Natasha had tried to get Apollo to turn around, but he wouldn't take his eyes off of the firetruck in the back. Then Luna cried, and it was clearly hunger so you let her latch on, and even then it could've been cute, but then she grunted angrily so you covered her.

"You guys look happy," Clint acknowledged, and the woman smiled fondly. "We are."

"Well, I hope that in a few years time we'll be able to see you back on the screen," Clint moves to wrap up the segment. "But if we don't, then I'd like to dedicate a moment of silence to the greatest loss in the industry."

"Oh stop it," she joked tearily, leaning forward to playfully shove his shoulder. Clint winked at the emotional redhead, then he yanked her up and into a bear hug. "Tell Y/N I look forward to meeting her," he whispered, then he planted a kiss on her cheek, and she left the stage with a chorus of loud applause following her.

You turned the TV off, then wiped at the few tears that she'd elicited from you. Seeing her so vulnerable on TV, all in an attempt to make the media go easier on you, was overwhelming. It made your heart swell with more love than before and you couldn't quiet grasp how you could even love her more than you already did.

It also made you want her more than you did yesterday. No longer was it a feeling you could ignore, but instead a deep seeded need you'd had every intention of satiating upon your wife's return. Which is why you rebooked your brothers flight home, and reminded him about that one time you covered for him when he rear ended your evil neighbor Mildred's parked car.

—

The last thing Natasha expected to find as she entered your house late at night was you. But on the couch you sat, with a glass of red wine, and in a matter of seconds you were on her.

"Moya lyubov' I said drink water," she groaned, but it was a humored one. You looked up at her with wide eyes, then you smiled innocently. "Would you believe me if I said that Jesus showed up and magicked it himself?"

"Oh, is that so?" She cackled in a hushed way, you nodded vehemently. "Scouts honor Natty!"

"Mhm?" She teasingly hummed, the vibrato felt as she pressed her lips to yours, and you gasped affectedly. Natasha tried to pull back, feeling guilty for looking like she was trying to initiate anything, but then she felt guilty for feeling guilty because of course she wants you.

"No," you whimpered and clung to her biceps. "Daddy please, I-I'm ready." You were wet, desperation was controlling your mind now.

"You're drunk detka," she pointed out, but you showed her the bottle, proving that you'd only poured the one glass and hadn't had more than two sips. Which was only for liquid courage.

"What's changed for you?" Natasha pulled you down into her lap, you whined in frustration, but then you saw the glossy viridescent orbs full of concern waiting for your reply.

"Seeing you lose your cool on TV over me was hot," you admitted shamelessly, stroking her big ego in the hopes that it'd soon be her cock.

The redhead blushed, but quickly regained her cool as she leaned back into the cushion of the couch and firmly gripped your thighs apart.

"Can I see how hot it made you detka?" Her raspy voice made you dizzy, you nodded and moaned a soft please so she eagerly padded at the wetness seeping through your panties. "Oh look at you detka, you're just so needy, huh?"

She cursed in Russian when you answered with a buck of your hips. With a swift hand she laid you down and said, "You have to be quiet."

You shook your head. "I reminded Cole of a secret I kept, so he collected the kids and all they'd need and went to the guest suite."

"I knew I married a genius," she teased, her heart nearly exploded as you laughed. It'd been so rare to hear nowadays, so it was cherished.

"What do you want moya lyubov'?" Natasha looked deep in your eyes, wearing a smile that said only your pleasure was enough for her.

Instead of answering you pulled her down with a hand wrapped behind the nape of her neck. The kiss was soft, almost exploratory as it'd been so long since you'd had a spike in libido. But when Natasha still remained timid you took the initiative, your hand cupped her bulge, and you slid your tongue over her bottom lip.

She gasped and your tongue pushed beyond her lips, but hers expertly swirled around yours then darted down your throat. As you gagged she couldn't fight off the aching need so she pushed down into your hand and moaned.

The redhead pulled away, panting heavily as she tried to reel her neediness in. You drove her body wild, but she didn't want to get too lost in the lust if you weren't ready yet.

"You've been so patient with me," you purred, "Let me take care of you daddy, please?"

Natasha suddenly stilled, her sorrowful eyes set on  yours. "Hey no, detka, you deserve endless patience without expectations."

"Yeah, I know," you breathed. "But we went from having sex every few days to not at all."

Natasha smiled tenderly, her hand cupped your cheek. "That's fine, I don't need sex to be happy with you Y/N. You alone are enough."

"Well, that sentiment is returned, but I'm absolutely serious, so let me give you head."

Natasha was shocked by your bold words, it was a quick recovery though as she snorted, "If I ever say no, please do have me committed."

Natasha smiled triumphantly as you giggled, it always made her heart warm to hear your joy.

The mood swiftly returned to one of lust when after she leaned back you slid out and onto the ground on your knees. The woman was tired, jet lagged to be more precise, but that didn't stop her from helping you take her sweats off.

Natasha was undeniably aroused, her cock stood tall as soon as you slid her boxers off.

"You gonna stare all night detka?" Natasha teased, then her eyes softened. "If you're not ready, just say the word lyubov', it'll be okay."

You shook your head free of worry, and smiled at her for being so sweet. It was comically endearing. Here she sat with an erection that had to be hurting her at this point and she only cared about your comfort. Which actually only made you even more excited to suck her off.

Natasha groaned, the sound raspier than ever before as you traced your tongue over the veins of her cock. Her hands gripped the cushions of the couch as your lips wrapped around her tip, and she nearly came on the spot as your hands steadily pumped up from the base of her cock as your other hand lazily played with her balls.

Her breathing became increasingly labored as you bobbed your head up and down her length, you could feel yourself dripping down your thighs as you'd gone commando beneath her sleep shirt. Hearing just how much she was enjoying this had immeasurably turned you on.

Natasha's hips involuntarily jerked. "Oh fuck." You giggled around her shaft, the vibrations making her do it again, and this time you'd choked. Universal instant karma you suppose.

Natasha stilled, fearful eyes looking down into yours. "I'm okay," you immediately said after gasping for air upon releasing her cock, you didn't move far though, you instead hovered her tip with a goofy smile for hopeful clarity.

"Are you close?" You asked, but with how her shaft continued to twitch beneath your fingertips you'd figured you had your answer. Natasha nodded, it was uncharacteristically shy and you found yourself wanting more soft sensual moments just like this one with her. 

"Good." You mused. "Now how about you take over and cum down my throat as a reward."

The way you winked made the pit within her begin to unravel, Natasha's tip instantly coated in pebbles of white as you took over half of her length into your mouth, and proceeded to let her fuck your throat until it was raw. Your nails dug into the skin of her thighs that you were gripping for stability as she thrusted wildly, and glorious tears ran down your warm cheeks.

When she released down your throat the pleasure was blinding, her eyes slammed shut and she moaned for a prolonged moment as the hot spurts didn't stop. Strands of her cum slid down your chin along with your drool as she continuously thrusted until that wave of pleasure she was riding came to an end. 

While you both caught your breath you began to get handsy, impatiently pulling at the hem of her shirt until she removed it with a huff of amusement. You then kissed up her body until her cock was trapped against her abdomen by your slippery cunt, and your lips met hers.

Natasha's hands fell to your hips instinctually, and she guided you as you slowly ground into her, letting her tongue explore your mouth. When you whimpered with need she pulled back and you were met with dark, lusty eyes.

"I know you want me inside detka," she teased as she ran a thumb over your swollen lip that was still somewhat coated in her essence. "But daddy's missed your pussy in more ways than one, and I can't help but to need to taste you."

"Please," you whispered affectedly, and she pulled you back in for a deep, heartfelt kiss. "Thank you detka, lay down for daddy now."

Natasha removed your shirt seamlessly as you laid down, the fabric had barely left your skin before you felt her hands all over your body. One second they were gripping you by the hips to keep you from bucking into her face, then they no longer cared as they sought out your breasts. Natasha's tongue flicked over your bundle of nerves just as her thumbs pinched your nubs, and your body writhed as you came.

The orgasm you experienced was intense as the aftershocks continued rolling through you, and in retrospect it was also embarrassingly quick. But it'd been so long and Natasha was just that good, she never struggled to get you to let go.

Every muscle in your body relaxed for all of two seconds, but then the redhead continued to lavish away at your cunt. Cleaning up your arousal, but then delving even deeper to pull another, somehow more intense orgasm from the depths of your soul. Stars bloomed behind the lids of your eyes as you screamed her title.

Over and over again too. Natasha was like a woman starved as she refused to leave her place between your thighs. When you tried to shimmy away she growled, it was terrifying, but in the best way as you involuntarily gushed.

You knew that if you really needed her to stop you could say your safe word, but as much as you felt overstimulated you felt just as good.

"Fuck I missed this," Natasha moaned as she continued to lick at your glistening, puffy cunt. "If I could, I'd never leave this sacred spot."

You were cognitively incapable of a verbalized response besides the occasional, pitiful whine.

Natasha admired your fucked out face briefly before turning your whimpers into loud moans as she wrapped her lips around your clit, and sucked harshly as she suddenly filled you with three of her skilled fingers, that now curled delicately into your g-spot with every thrust.

Tears streamed down your temples, matting your hair to your face, and seeping into the cushions of your couch. You came with a yelp this time, cum absolutely drenching the couch and leaving Natasha in awe. You however were hardly able to breathe, or see as the tears made your sight bleary. This was when your hands flew into her hair, tangling up in the locks as you used all your remaining strength to pull her up to your lips in a redirecting manner.

Natasha kissed you sloppily, her fingers now coming to a stop as she understood your silent pleas. Slowly, after distracting you with a swirl of her tongue around yours, she pulled out. You whined lowly at the loss, but your body appreciatively deflated into the cushions, and while you worked to calm down she began to kiss all over your skin in a calm, soothing way.

"We should go get you cleaned up lyubov'," she murmured against the skin of your neck that she'd been nibbling, your breathing had finally returned to an evened rhythm. "No, please."

Natasha pulled back to look you over, she was shocked to see your eyes desperate for more.

"Are you sure detka?" You frantically nodded, "Yes, fuck, I want you to fill me so bad daddy."

Natasha pressed her lips to yours, and slid her throbbing member into your slick cunt without a hitch. Neither of you were going to last long, and truthfully neither of you needed to. There was already stars where the ceiling once was as your lover pounded into your sloshing cunt.

"Gonna fill you to the brim detka," she moaned against the shell of your ear. "Can't wait to see your beautiful belly grow with my baby again."

Her breaths were hot as they fanned across your twice as hot skin. Every grunt she released brought with it a reactive clench of your walls, and it drove the woman atop of you insane.

Natasha came with a silent scream, her load unleashing havoc on your abused walls, you were a moaning mess as she slammed into your g-spot repeatedly as she chased this glorious high, milking it for all it's worth and herself as well in the process. When she came to a stop, and pulled out of you she gasped.

The amount of cum that oozed out of you was jarring at first inspection. Natasha had never released this much in her life, she's almost certain it's impossible for that much to exist inside a person at once but she just rationalized it as a delayed release for the year without sex.

There was no way you wouldn't get pregnant.

Especially not after Natasha thrusted back inside of you, mumbling something about preserving the chance that made you chuckle.

"Are you prepared for a third baby?" You teased your wife, with a hand mindlessly running through her hair as she laid with her face pressed against your chest. "I once told you detka, I'd make you my breeding bitch."

You cackled, chest shaking beneath her head to the point that she had to lift up and narrow her eyes at you. "I'm not sure why that's funny, but yes, I'm prepared for whatever life brings. With you by my side I'd willingly raise a dozen kids."

Natasha smirked when your humor died away, eyes wide with fear until she finally took over laughing for you. "God, you looked so scared."

You scoffed, "I was. That's a lot of c-sections." Natasha pursed her lips in thought, then she shrugged her shoulders. "Not if we have twins."

"We'll leave the twins to Maximoff," you soon decided over a yawn. "I think two more is fine."

Natasha leaned down to kiss your lips. "Two more sounds perfect. A simple family of six."

"There's nothing simple about you Natasha."

"Yet you love me anyways." You could hear the insecurity in her tease, and it hurt your heart to think someone ever made her feel unlovable. "That I do." You gently guided her lips to yours, kissing her slowly before you guided her face back to the crook of your neck. "Very much."

Neither of you spoke another word, you just laid there soaking in the warmth of your love before slipping off into a restful nights sleep.

The first in a long time actually, and the last genuine one before Raven and Leo arrived. 

——

6,389 Words

Nat's former job: Acting / Y/N's: Stripping

Nat's current job: Breeder / Y/N's: To be Bred

❤️ Kaitlyn. 🤭

[galvanizedfriend]

HIII if you don’t mind sharing, what are your fav klaroline fics? New and old, I’m in need of new reads 🙏

I'm probably not the best person to be doing new fic recs. 🥲 I have sadly not been reading that much Klaroline myself these days. When I do read fic, it's for other stuff. So my recs are either old or new-ish. 😂 But hopefully you can find something to your liking that haven't read yet here.

Buckle up because I took my sweet time with this list, nonnie.

. Inertia Overcome by @avari20

The first KC fanfic I remember reading the reason why I finally got pulled into the fandom after years of watching TVD as a reasonable spectator (so rly, if you guys can't stand to see me around anymore after all this time, it's this fic's fault for being so good). Honestly one of this fandom's statement works. If you haven't read it yet, please do.

. Timeless by @marvelouskatie

Same as the above. One of the most iconic KC fics of all time imho. The canon AU to end all canon AU. When I first decided to come out of the shadows and create a tumblr and actually start interacting with folks, this was the first fic that was recced to me. I was very grateful then, and now I'm here to pass this knowledge on.

. Picturesque by @supernutellastuff

Honestly of the sweetest, most heartwarming fics I've ever read! It's a human AU that's a How I Met Your Mother sort of adaptation, and honestly the first time I've ever enjoyed HIMYM. I love a good ensemble fic and this is just it! Supernutella is so talented.

. Quiet Light by @definedareasofuncertainty

This fic was WRITTEN FOR ME because of how much I pestered my friend Luiza about Carolijah and this will forever feel like a trophy to my heart. 🥰 It made me feel ALL THE FEELINGS. I hated Caroline, I loved Caroline, I loved my baby Elijah, I hated him, I also hated Klaus (he's such a fucking asshole omfg), but then the end was just DHAGHDDASAS!! You think you're in for a certain kind of story and it turns out to be so much more. It is, deep down, about the brothers, how selfish they are, how they can hurt each other more than anyone, but how they love one another above anything else, even when they want to kill each other (and fall in love with their brother's girl!!!). It's beautiful, like everything Luiza writes, and it genuinely made me cry.

. long limbs and frozen swim by @definedareasofuncertainty

I saw a discussion the other day about how whoever wrote this fic JUST GOT IT, and I have to say I completely agree with the person who made that comment. Luiza just NAILS Caroline's grief and loneliness after her mother's death, how isolating and gut-wrenching it is. Klaus being the person who finds her, who knows exactly what to say without her ever having to spell it out, the one who can truly see her, is so honest too. This fic is sensitive and absolutely beautiful. Luiza's writing is perfection and this is for sure one of my all-time favorites.

. Whisper to me, Help me remember by @lalainajanes

This story reimagines the plot with the "villains" of TO S3 in a way that proves my point that the premise of that season was good, but execution was absolute crap. All of the potential the De Martels had to be incredible antagonists was completely destroyed at the hands of the show writers - but explored to perfection by Laine's much more capable hands. Klaus is freed after 10 years in captivity to find that Caroline had been working with Tristan this whole time in order to take him down - except something is not quite right about that. While you're at it, please read all of Laine's fics! It's a delight.

. Into the Woods by @jinxedwood

I wept when I read this because it's the post-TO canon fic I didn't even know I needed. Caroline's search for a way to stop her twins' merger ends up leading her to someone who's been watching over her on the Other Side. 😭 I thought I'd always rather live in denial when it came to how TO ended, but this fic made my heart so full! Also, jinxedwood's use of fae mythology here was incredible.

. All I Need by @euvixen

This story is HOT. It taught me things about the werewolf AU universe I was not prepared to learn, but I am a much happier person after reading it. It's a canon mates AU that will leave you 🥵🥵🥵🥵 I speak as though the story was merely about the smut, but it's actually much more than that. A TVD S3 reimagine of sorts that is incredibly satisfying. That's my favorite season of TVD, but this is still even better.

. the birth and death of the day by @little-miss-sunny-daisy

Anyone who's known me for a some time knows how this fic was my entire personality for a while there. I'm obsessed with Kelly's writing, and I have this fic on a freaking pedestal. I first started reading it when it was on a six years hiatus, and I was *so* into it I didn't even bother me that it might never get updated because it was so good I was just happy I'd found it. But then my silly comments inspired Kelly to come back to it, finish it, and it has honestly been my greatest accomplishment as a part of this fandom because this is a masterpiece. It's a TVD/Supernatural crossover where Caroline is a step-sister to the Superbros. It's truly, truly epic, with beautiful writing. This could genuinely be a show. It's amazing, just read it.

. this is a harvest by @highgaarden

This, right here, is the perfect Klaroline-within-canon story. This is the story that put my revolt to rest and gave my spirit some much deserved peace where those two are concerned. This is exactly what canon should've been like. I'm not even joking, this is IT. If you'd asked me what I thought the perfect Klaroline development should be like I probably would've said something very vague because I couldn’t explain it, I’m not that great or creative a writer, but now I can just show you this story and let you bask in the amazingness of a fantastic read that will not only keep you thoroughly entertained, but will also be the answer to all the questions you didn't even know you had.

. Paradise Lost by Borzoi

When i grow up, I want to learn how to write like Borzoi. All of their fics are incredible novella-like reads. It's addictive. And this is probably my favorite (it varies though, sometimes I'm in a Parisian Deal era). What happens after Klaus and Caroline sleep together in 5x11, and how they eventually find their way back to each other. It's just one of those stories that you can't stop reading after you start. It's so rich, so deep, so perfectly IC. One of those fics to end all fics.

. The Stubborn Grace of Being Loved Regardless by @helpless-in-sleep One of the modern day classics, if you will. This fic is such a stunning, vivid and delicate picture of Caroline's mind as she was dealing with the consequences of the abuse she suffered at the hands of Damon. She's still human, but she's probably more IC than we've seen her ever on the show when it comes to this. The bond she forms with Klaus is truly incredible too, and speaks a lot of how the two of them really do have a lot in common (even with Caroline still as a human), but it's really the Caroline study part of the story that touches me. The writing is absolutely beautiful as well.

. it takes a while to settle down by theviolinist

This story is a punch to your stomach, but it is PERFECTION in 8k words. It's hot, it's bittersweet, it's SO in character and, in my head, I kinda like to pretend that this is what happened before Caroline married Stefan. lol

. Wanderlust by @bellemorte180 Anybody who was a part of fandom around the time this story was being published can tell you how much of an EVENT it was. There were discussion groups about the mystery. It was so entertaining. Erica's attention to detail and how she wove the little clues throughout the chapters made this a genuine thriller. I particularly some of the side-characters here. It's honestly another fandom staple I think everyone should read.

--

In terms of newer fics that I can rec you, I have two that are on my TBR. One of them is a WIP that I've been slowly going through, and the other one I know was recently finished.

. make them bow by @stars-and-darkness

This was recced to me by two friends recently and I started reading it a while back and thought it was incredible! I have sadly been awful with keeping up with stuff, but just based on the raving reviews and the five chapters I read, I fully believe it to be just as awesome as it seems to be. The writing was so good, and I was just in love with Klaus' voice in this story. It was so reminescent of early-days TVD Klaus, which is by far my favorite Klaus of all. Sexy and dangerous and so smooth. I loved it! Need to get back to it.

. Wolf Club by @Radioactive79

Listen, if you like kid fics, this is absolutely for you. The whole story is narrated by an eight-year-old OC, the daughter of Ray Sutton, the first werewolf Klaus kills when he's trying to start his mass-production of hybrids. She's a little wolf herself, and a while little thing who was subjected to her fair share of child trauma. Klaus has no idea what to do with her, but ends up taking her with him as continues on his journey, and ends up forging a bond with the little girl. I cannot tell you how delicious this story is. It has Klaroline, yes, but for me the little girl is the absolute star of the company. I usually hate OCs, especially children, in fics, but this one is AMAZING. Seriously. The way this story is written is glorious. I can't recommend it enough.

[wheredafandomat]

I know who you pretend I am

Loki x Female Reader (Thor x reader)

18+ | contains character death, mourning, smut, angst - it’s literally like 3 in the morning but I just had this idea and HAD to get it out so I could sleep peacefully 😂 apologies in advance for my grammar or anything, it’s late.

“It should have been you.” You wept, tears blurring your vision as you stormed towards Loki, digging your finger into his chest. “It should have been you.” You continued to cry, your fists clenching before you nudged him backwards, Loki unwavering as you took your frustrations out on him. It should have been him, he agreed. Given the chance he would have switched places with Thor, he had so much more to live for, he had you and now you were alone, he was alone. “You promised” you sniffled against Loki’s chest, his hand ghosting your back as he contemplated whether you’d find the gesture comforting or smoldering if he was to place it there “you said he’d come back safe.” You almost whispered, your cries silent now as your shoulders shook. Making his mind up, Loki placed his hand on your back, pulling you into him as he fought down his own emotions allowing you to grieve.

It wasn’t long before you grew tired, body limp in Loki’s grip as he supported you, almost carrying you to your bedroom. Once you both reached, he pulled the duvet back, stepping away from you as you got into the bed. Standing at the door, Loki’s gaze lingered on you for a moment as he imagined how you’d cope from now on. He knew you felt alone now but he was certain you weren’t. He promised he’d look after you, regardless of how much you pushed him away; it was his final promise to his brother and he was intent on keeping this one.

Going into his own room, Loki almost collapsed onto his bed as the emotions he had been keeping down began bubbling to the surface. When it first happened, he felt shocked, angered, an anger that turned into a bloodbath of revenge as he took it from every hopeless soul that stood in his way before coming face to face with the one who took Thor’s life. He brought death to the wicked creature slowly, leisurely, the act almost making him smile as he began to feel relief before it dissipated. He had gotten his revenge but Thor was still dead. At least he’d be able to tell you that Thor’s death had been avenged. He knew you wouldn’t ask straight away but the question would come eventually, now he’d be able to tell you exactly how he got his revenge. For now, he could all but cry and keep his promise to Thor.

“Promise me you will not leave her.”

“Thor I—”

“Brother, promise me you’ll look after her.”

“I promise.”

The next day came however you didn’t move. You remained still, in bed, silent tears running down your cheeks as you begged to be awoken from this nightmare. You didn’t speak, nor did you the next day, or the next. By the end of the week, your voice was hoarse as you told a concerned Loki to leave you alone.

The following week was a little bit kinder to you. The sun shone for what felt like the first time, warming your cheeks and covering them with a new sensation, hope. You stood up and walked towards the window allowing more of the sun to stroke your face. You smiled, it was almost painful, the muscles in your face not remembering the gesture. Just as you were about to close your eyes and bask in the yellow glow, the door knocked.

“Can I come in?” Loki spoke from outside, holding a tray of food like he had been doing the past two weeks however this time, you allowed him in. Loki pushed the door open, gaze focused on your bedside table where he sat the tray down before realising you weren't in bed. Glancing up, he saw you standing at the window, eyes closed as the sun cast an ethereal glow around you. Cautiously he approached you, unable to stop the small smile that formed on his lips as he saw your face. He realised he had almost forgotten what you looked like, it had been so long since he had seen you. The mission he embarked on with Thor was a long one and the only time he saw your face when he came back was when there was fury and desolation painted across it unlike now. Now he was looking at a different you, a healed you, a new you. He could see the sadness lurking beneath your smile, the heartbreak, the woe but he could also see the determination of your tense body trying to keep those emotions at bay.

“It’s a nice day.” You spoke, the first normal sentence you had said in what felt like forever.

“Yes.” Loki agreed, turning his focus to outside as he stood next to you.

“I think I’m going to take a walk.” You said evenly, opening your eyes and glancing at Loki who had his eyes closed.

“I could come with you, if you’d like.” He suggested, unsure of how you’d respond. A thick silence settled between you both as Loki awaited your answer. You wanted to say no, you wanted to hate him, blame him, hit him but you knew he mourned too. You could hear him sometimes, in the silence of the night, sleep plagued with terror before he’d wake up gasping or more painfully, calling out for Thor. It was those times you remembered that you may have lost your beau but Loki had lost his brother. He was hurting too. No doubt feeling alone too. So you said yes and soon, the two of you went on a walk.

The walk was quiet, both of you silent as you wandered through the local park letting the sun coat your skin. It felt nice to be outside. The sound of people around you drew you out of the recluse part of your mind and you let yourself forget about your own life for a moment as you focused instead on the sound of laughter. It was blissful. You were content in this new reality until Loki quickly spun you around causing you to snap back to reality.

“Let’s go this way.” He insisted.

“What are you doing?” You huffed, moving out of his grip and turning around before you were met by a large poster advertising Rogers which was seemingly a new musical. You instantly teared up as you looked at the depiction of Thor, Loki placing his hand on your shoulder. “Stop!” You snapped, moving out of his grip and towards the poster. Reaching it, you ran your fingers across his name as tears began brimming in the corners of your eyes.

“Y/n I’m sorry.” Loki apologised, standing next to you.

“It’s not your fault” you replied, Loki’s eyes rounding as he heard your words. He knew you only meant the poster but it was comforting nonetheless. “None of it is your fault.” You added, Loki’s gaze turning to yours as he heard you. He couldn’t help himself as his lip began to tremble before he cleared his throat, composing himself. “I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you.”

“You don’t need to apologise.” He insisted.

“I’m so sorry” you whispered, turning to face him as a tear rolled down your cheek “I just—I miss him and I feel so alone.”

“Y/n” Loki began, wiping the tear from your cheek “you are not alone.” He insisted, pulling you against him as he hugged you and for once since it happened, you didn’t feel alone.

The next few months were slow as you and Loki began building a friendship, seeking company in one another’s presence. Occasionally he’d cook and the two of you would eat together. The first time was awkward, neither of you knowing what to say but now it was almost routine. You began looking forward to dinner with Loki.

More months passed and the both of you grew more comfortable around eachother in the sense that neither of you hid your emotions anymore. There were times you woke up in a good mood and others you woke up feeling as if Thor had just been taken away from you. Those mornings, the teary ones, Loki was always there to calm you, to reassure you, to hold you. You returned the favour, aiding him at night when he’d awake gasping for air. You’d sometimes tell him a short story about something you had experienced, he liked those, they soothed him. Both of you often shared your memories about Thor, both of you finding solace in them.

As it approached the anniversary of Thor’s death, the two of you grew quiet again, neither of you wanting to face the fact that it had been a whole year without him. You almost felt guilty remembering all the times you had smiled since his passing, the times you had laughed, the short moments where you had forgotten him all together and allowed yourself to simply exist. They made you feel peccant. You knew Loki felt the same; he stopped cooking, he stopped speaking to you. You missed him. Before, it seemed impossible to live in the same place as someone and to almost forget their face yet that’s how you felt about Loki, you had forgotten his face, his smile, his warming company. You had to fix this so you decided you’d cook for a change.

Smelling something burning from his room, Loki quickly rushed to the kitchen, grabbing the fire blanket and tossing it over the small fire you had started on the stove.

“I’m such an idiot” you scolded yourself “I just wanted to make something for us to eat but I’ve ruined it.” You continued. Loki could tell you were growing very upset.

“Calm down.” He tried to soothe you.

“No!” You exclaimed, throwing the utensil you had in your hand at the wall “I just wanted to—to surprise you. I wanted us to eat together and n—now I’ve—” you stuttered, beginning to cry.

“Its okay” Loki smiled, holding your cheeks in his hands as he got your attention “how about I clean up and you can order food?” He suggested.

“Where have you been Loki?” You murmured, looking into his eyes “I’ve missed you, where have you been?”

“I’ve been right here.” He answered.

“No” you sniveled, “you haven’t.”

Loki had to blink back his own tears as he looked down at you, you looked so forlorn, he had abandoned you. He had unknowingly pushed you away so much and he regretted it, deeply.

“Loki” you uttered “I need you.”

Your words reverberated through his body as he tried to process the meaning behind them. Before he could stop himself, he was leaning into you, pressing his lips softly against yours. He hated himself, he knew that you were going to push him backwards and maybe even slap him or at least he thought you would. He was shocked when you pulled away for a moment before standing on your tiptoes and capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. His hands found your back as he pulled you against him, deepening the kiss. Your hands flew up to his hair, running your fingers through the tame, obsidian tendrils causing Loki to almost shiver. You felt perfect underneath his hands. Pushing you backwards, Loki sat you on the dining table, standing between your legs as he continued kissing you. His lips ventured to your neck, your chin tilting up towards the ceiling granting him further access as he pulled at your shirt, wanting to kiss more of your skin.

His lips met yours again with a newfound ferocity as your fingers worked his belt buckle before undoing it. Loki pushed your legs further apart as you lifted your skirt after pulling your panties down your legs. He was quick with pulling his cock out of his boxers and guiding it straight to your moist centre.

Both of you exhaled as he pushed inside, your tight walls clenching around him already; it had been so long. He moved in and out of you at a steady pace, both of you reveling in the feeling of something as habitual as sex. Your eyes were closed tightly, Loki’s were open. He regarded you with laudation in his eyes, it made him feel iniquitous. He had to stop himself from moaning your name as your hands found his back, traveling underneath his shirt where your nails drew harsh lines. Your legs wrapped around his, holding him in place, inviting him further inside. In this moment, for the first time, he felt whole. You completed him.

“Fuckk” you moaned, Loki speeding his thrusts as he heard you. You sounded seraphic in this moment. “Right theree” you mewled, nails digging into his shoulders; it was a thrilling pain “just like that” he was certain your voice alone could drive him to completion “Thorrr” you whimpered, your voice sounding unmelodious to him now.

Your eyes flew open as you realised your blunder. Your gaze met Loki’s as he paused his movements.

“I’m sor—” you began.

“No, I’m sorry” he quickly apologised, pulling out of you “I got carried away.”

“Loki wait.” You called after him, pulling your skirt down as you stood. “Don’t leave me.” You added worriedly causing Loki to stop in his tracks.

“Y/n, you’ve always got me.” He assured, turning around to face you. “Just not like that” he added quietly “it was too soon, I’m sorry.” He apologised again before leaving you standing horrified in the middle of the kitchen.

Loki’s in his Mitski era 🥺

Tags:

@lokisgoodgirl @thenotoriouserg @chantsdemarins @donaweasley @xorpsbane @mcufan72 @loz-3 @evelyn-kingsley @sailorholly @lovingchoices14 @lokiedokiee @noideakitten @mochie85 @mischief2sarawr @lokiprompts @lulubelle814 @fictive-sl0th @peaches1958 @gigglingtiggerv2 @tmilover1993 @lyds247 @dustychinchilla74 @lokis-dark-queen @november-rayne @12-pm-510 @vickie5546 @newtomofgods @eyesbluelikethetitanic @lokiestorch @somewhereinthegalaxi @beautyb1ade @angelilacsworld @lokidokieokie @mushypork

[nerdygaymormon]

Gather Conference - Day 2

On Sept 15 & 16, 1400 people gathered together, making it the largest-ever Conference of LGBTQ+ Latter-day Saints and their friends, relatives, and leaders.

The speaker's messages were powerful

The day began with GENTRI The Gentleman's Trio performing. They concluded by having their pianist share his story of coming out and being upset at God, and receiving a message from God which became their song Believe.

Most people first heard of Liv Medoza Haynes when at the 2021 BYU Women's Conference she introduced herself and included the label "queer."

In a church that emphasizes being of good cheer, she points out that Jesus wept and cried, he got angry, and it's fine that we also feel our emotions.

She was wearing a shirt that said, "Keep queer children safe," and she said in choosing what we wear and in our other decisions, choosing to promote love and not hate is the only choice worth making. She also said the only thing straight about her is her hair 😂

Her most powerful statement is that "no verse of scripture is worth losing another life over"

Michael Soto is a transgender man who grew up a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Mesa, Arizona and is a leader in the U.S. LGBTQ+ rights movement. He spoke about Bridge Building. Choose to be uncomfortable, to learn, to grow, to change. God gave us agency so that we can change and be better to each other. The most important change you can make is to love yourself the way God loves you.

Ben Schilaty is well known inside the LDS Church as a gay man who is active and chooses to follow church standards. He said sharing our stories is letting people see and feel our wounds as Jesus did. When they can feel our hurts, they can share in feeling the pain and empathize with what we've been through. Ben is co-host of the podcast Questions from the Closet and their episodes which receive the most interaction are those where someone has been very vulnerable as they emotionally shared the difficult choices they had to make and the situations they were forced into as a queer person.

Ben Schilaty shared this poem by Carol Lynn Pearson that really hit home for me

I dim I dim I do not doubt If someone blew– I would go out.

I did not. I must be brighter than I thought

After 50 years of experiencing gender incongruence, Bree Borrowman came out as trans in 2019. Bree shared that the hiding, sneaking, and shame led to a loss of Spirit. Being authentic, being vulnerable, leaning into the LGBTQ spectrum brought the Spirit back into her life.

Coming out as trans has brought her great blessings. She feared she would lose everything, but God and Jesus turned out not to be the vindictive judges she thought they were. She was able to lay down her burden and has discovered and learned about herself.

Ashley Hess was a finalist on the 2019 season of American Idol. She performed 4 songs for us, each were beautiful, and each were meaningful. "To the Girl I used to Be" and "Grain of Salt" were wonderful, but my favorite was "Yet." I don't hear many songs from this perspective of ‘I'm trying, so God please don't give up on me.’

Charlie Bird shared with us that he is now married!!!! Big congratulations to him and Ryan. Charlie gave a powerful talk.

Satan's big lie is that an integral part of who we are and which we can't separate ourselves from is incompatible with God. We feel like we are only half a child of God, that we are only half worthy. These beliefs damn us and marginalize an entire demographic.

We do not have to choose between being a child of God and a member of the LGBTQ+ community. We are both.

Allison Dayton is the founder of Lift+Love and along with Ben Schilaty she conceived of the Gather Conference.

She shared a number of scripture verses about God's people in the wilderness and said we find God in the wilderness. Queer people and their families often feel like they are in the wilderness and that's where they find God.

Allison also shared that we are not supposed to be just friends, Zion means we are to be one. We are to be united, not dividing up people by who is good enough and who isn't.

We were never meant to be alone. Ever! The very first thing God called "not good" was loneliness. We can start Zion in our own homes by pulling people in who need a place to belong and welcome them

Jenny Richards & Kelly McConkie Stewart are musicians, members of the LDS church, and committed allies to the LBGTQ community.. They played the piano and cello. Their music was beautiful. At the conclusion of the conference, one of them said they wanted to buy some LDS/LGBT swag from the vendors in the lobby. I offered them some swag that isn't for sale out front. Jenny took the pin and said she is going to wear it to church the next day. Kelly took a sticker while commenting she will put it on her cello case

Jeff Case says we shouldn't focus on outcomes but on the process. For example, we can focus on the outcome of exaltation, or we can focus on the process of becoming Christlike. The process is what will lead to the the outcome we desire.

There are many processes which can lead to the outcome, but when we focus on the outcome we tend to shortcut the process. He spoke of being the father of a son who likes to play Yu-Gi-Oh! and he would tease him, like 'Aren't you too old to still play that game?' He was focused on what he wanted his son's life to look like when he grows up that he lost focus on the process. This is something his son loves so he could choose to participate as a way of spending time with his son and strengthening their relationship. Instead, by focusing on the outcome, he is indicating to his son that he may need to hide things from his dad, which, ironically, would not lead to the outcome that Jeff would want.

Tom Christofferson interviewed Darius Gray, and it felt like we were in the presence of one of the great ones as Darius shared his experience of choosing to join the LDS Church, being one of only 2 African-American students at BYU, meeting regularly with 3 apostles about how to improve life for Black members of the church, and living through the 1978 announcement and change. I nodded in agreement when Darius declared he's heard more Jesus talk at this conference than he hears in a typical LDS Sacrament Meeting.

John Gustav-Wrathel is married to his husband and chooses to attend church despite having been excommunicated many years ago. He said that when he looks back on his life, even as he was one of the most faithful people he knew, he was convinced he had no faith because he was taught that if he had enough faith that his sexual orientation would be changed. He believed the teachings of the time instead of listening to God and the Spirit and trusting his own experiences.

Steven Kapp Perry was host throughout the conference and took a moment to share a thought. You can never know that you are truly loved unless you share who you truly are.

Meghan Decker is a gay Latter-day Saint and has written 2 books. She began by sharing that life is hard and can be dark. She encourages us to share with each other what is saving our life now.

She grew up in the 1970's hearing all the harmful church teachings about queer people and it has left scars in her. She now knows that God loves her and has good intent for her.

When Meghan moved to Provo, UT, the first person in her ward to greet her was Janice Kapp Perry. Janice composed a song for the Gather Conference. She recognized the LGBTQ experience is not hers and needed help to get the lyrics right. She contacted Meghan and Meghan's words were used to create the verses of the song.

While reviewing what Meghan had written, Janice commented that the word "broken" is so strong and they should find an alternate word, but Meghan insisted that's how she and many other queer Latter-day Saints have felt. Meghan pointed out that during this day of the conference 8 of those who spoke used the word "broken" to describe how they felt.

Janice then asked, "Do you think my two boys felt that way?"

That question really hit my heart, a mom gaining insight into the pain of her queer children.

Janice wrote a song titled "All Are Alike Unto God." It was performed on the first day of the conference by Molly Flake and John Bowers. I wished I had recorded it as the words mean a lot to me. The final act of the conference before the closing prayer was for all those in attendance to sing the song. Janice has made the song available for free, you can access the sheet music on the Gather Conference website

Click here for a summary of Day 1 of the Gather Conference

[kupocat]

Today I was accidentally "extra weird"...

This is a bit long, but trust me, it's funny.... So I'm an unfortunate fuck who gets weather/air pressure related migraines. It sucks, but past me FINALLY remembered to order a refill of my migraine medication. A little bit of caffeine and sugar actually tends to help most headache meds work/work a bit better.... PROBLEM. I don't have any sweet caffeinated drinks in my flat atm. So I either need to go get it myself or place a take-away order with one of the random delivery services in my area. I'm in pain and feeling socially unwell, so driving somewhere isn't an option. Alright. Cellphone delivery service it is. Pick a poop load of stuff so I have things for days and for an up-coming trip I hope I'm well for. Pay for purchase. Wait. Check receipt time & delivery. Past due. Contact support. Even they don't know wtf is going on, but I leave it as a standing order. (Anxious atm so I don "soft cosplay" accessories) Hour later than expected, finally someone is driving my order to me. Glorious. Satan fuckin wept yes please. Person lists the order as delivered too early. I'm vexed thrice over and trying to figure out where the customer service portal is when I FINALLY... FINALLY! Hear someone coming up the stairs (I live on the 3rd floor). Minor dialog exchange of "Are you expecting a delivery?" "yes T_T." I take the heavy load of bags from her and then I remember... Oh yeah, I'm a "fancy" subscriber for this delivery service - I got a free item added to my order.... Now normally that's just be WHOO, free snack get! But all of the items they had listed were made with wheat/gluten aka poison for me. Annoying, but I don't use this service often, so why not get the free snack and re-gift it? They can't check if I *PERSONALLY* ate it. A bit of indecision and eventually I picked a brownie. Humans like chocolate, don't get nuts - too many humans have allergies/texture issues. So once I've set the bags on the ground I go: Me: "Wait wait wait~!" Them: "Oh you checking you got everything?" Me: "No, but, I got a freebie, but I can't eat it cause I'm allergic to wheat….here~!" *Hands them a still factory wrapped brownie from the bags they just carried up* They were surprised and delighted and accepted the treat. It was only once I got back inside with my loot that I remembered.... I'd donned my anxiety support cosplay accessory (elf ears) and was wearing my "emotional support human - do not pet" shirt. So that probably explains why they were surprised to get a brownie.... So far my friends have said their surprise was a mix "weirdo dressed weirdly" and "unexpected kindness". And have also since said that we're expecting someone to made a reddit post about

"a very poorly disguised Elf who gave a wayward delivery driver a brownie..."

----- And led to an amusing debate with me/my friends on discord on if the fae are able to still keep/kidnap you if the food they offer you is factory sealed. 😂

[enchanted-lightning-aes]

I'm curious the development of clawie from leading someone on to wanting to avoid breaking somebody's heart

what made her to regret what she did? since leading someone in is something you do on purpose, what make her change?

sksksk, this is a long ride, so buckle up.

back when claude was twenty, there's this one dude who was into her. like, he was very high-key in love with her but he wasn't aware of the harshness beneath her pretty face. in that age, she was calculating and cruel. she noticed how he had heart eyes and stuff. and she decieved the guy into thinking she felt the same to have a three day fling with her. after it was over, she admitted she didn't have feelings for him in the first place. and as you can see, this made the dude feel embarrassed and hurt by her deception. she even mocked him for his naivety and stuff. and left him in tears afterwards.

after an accident regarding fire and some things later, she was in her 'haunted by atrocities she caused on purpose' phrase. and she remembered the vivid way she hurt that guy. the way he wept had been painful to think of. and she got guilty for how she used and discarded an innocent guy, who had wholesome intentions. and she decided 'you know what?? i'm gonna prevent anyone else from developing romantic feelings for me', so that won't happen again. and she believed her appearance and personality were enough. she was glad that she isn't the type anyone can be into. she was okay with one-sided feelings bc she thought it was a fitting punishment for what she made that guy feel.

idk how the idea formed but once it did, it was stuck. i mean i could make things easy but. . . unlike the l.o.t writers, i am 100% meaner to ray. i will not hesitate to pair him with someone, who has such a screwed up past. compared to the canon demonic possession, this'll screw his psyche and heart over ten times worse. thank you for lettin' me ramble about this. 😂

[mandelene]

More puppy photos. 😅

[g-e-r-a-s-k-i-e-r]

Encanto headcanons

The first day he moved into his new and improved room, Bruno had a lot of visitors.

The first one was, predictably, Mirabel. She stayed for a while, admiring what Casita had created for him. Especially the new mood area, specifically designed to calm his nerves and quiet his mind.

Next was Isabela, who shyly handed over a bouquet of brightly coloured assorted flowers. This began a tradition where, every morning, he’d find a brightly coloured bouquet waiting for him outside his door.

Antonio and Camilo came after, Antonio with a huge grin on his face and Camilo trailing behind him with an apology in his eyes. All it took was Bruno ruffling Camilo’s hair and complimenting him on his amazing theatrical skills, and they were the best of friends from then on. Antonio was thrilled that Bruno loved his gift, a little book with different scenes to play out his rat telenovelas that Antonio had spent all morning carefully painting.

When he opened his door next it was to Dolores. She gave him a long knowing look, then smiling gently, gave him the package she was holding. When he opened it to reveal an exact replica of the plate he’d drawn onto his table when he used to live in the walls, a single tear rolled down his cheek. She said that she’d heard him every night on the other side of the wall, eating alone. She told him how she had thought it was wishful thinking on her part, her way of feeling like he was still with them. She vowed to him that he’d never eat alone again.

Julieta brought him some refreshments, as he was quite exhausted by this point. She told him how much she had missed him, how dearly she loved him, and how she never gave up hope that one day he’d come back. Pepa joined them, soaking them all as she wept in happiness for getting her baby brother back.

Finally, Alma. They talked for hours. The pain in his eyes cut through her heart like shards of glass. She knew that apologies alone weren’t enough, so she vowed to her son that she’d be better. For the miracle, for the family, for the townsfolk, but mostly for him. She also silently vowed to herself to do everything in her power to make her only son smile again. When he broke down, she held him as she always used to. Stroking his hair, singing softly to soothe his pain. When the tears finally slowed, she guided him to bed, pulling the blankets over him as he swiftly fell into an exhausted sleep. She stayed there for hours, watching over her son.

Bruno awoke the next morning with hope in his heart. A healing feeling began to spread within him as he remembered the day before. He recalled every individual hug he’d got from every single member of his family. Even Agustín and Félix. Luisa had almost crushed him. He was here, with his family. They had a long way to go, but he knew now that he wasn’t alone. His family loved him and he loved them in return. He was finally home.

——————

Whoa, didn’t mean it to get so deep at the end there. I don’t even know where this came from? This movie man, I mean it isn’t just a kids movie, y’know? I do know that it’s 2.23am and I need sleep though… 😂

[jerzwriter]

It amazes me the fact that you’re still discussing DTI to this day. What a wonderful piece of work that was. Still inspiring conversations.

I remember the time I read it. I didn’t know you back then, I mean still don’t lol but I like to think I know your “style” by now and the kind of person (in here) that you are. When I was reading it I remember thinking, well this is fanfic, we came from reading OH, of course they going to end up together right? And then the car accident came, and I was like “aaah the old classic tragedy that brings the couple together” (like the chemical attack) and even until the last chapter I held onto the hope that somehow Ethan and Casey will end up together.

If I knew then what I know now, I would be almost sure you’re going to pick a happy ending that resembles real life and teaches us something at the end (which is why I love your writing). Not the classic fairytale end when they ride a horse into the sunset.

I remember the A/N said something like “she’s not going to choose until the end” but my “Oh-oh” moment, when I realized chances are she’s not going back to Ethan was in the car accident chapter, when she’s freaking the hell out because she thinks Tobias was hurt, then Rafael tells her he’s not and she can finally breath.  The fact that she was already walking away like everything is good in the world, and then BOOM she remembers Ethan… omg GIRL, Ms? Ma’am, idk…BUT OMG THAT MOMENT BROKE MY HEART. That was it for me, I knew where Casey’s heart was. And I know a lot of things happened after that, but idk that moment was so small yet so powerful.

Anyway, I feel like since I wasn’t there when you release DTI, I never got the change to discuss it. So I just wanted to put my thoughts in here.

Nonny… 🥺❤️

Thank you so, so much for this.

I am amazed that I still get so many questions and asks about DTI. I am also stunned at how many people are still reading it. Some weekends i see someone start reading on a Friday night and by Sunday night they’re through all the chapters and I am like HOLY F*CK. It blows my mind.

OMG that chapter. I swear I had my therapist on speed dial as I wrote that chapter. I literally wept at points. Yes, her mind immediately went to Tobias and that was very telling. But, we can see in the aftermath of her relief, that it doesn’t mean that she does not care for Ethan. That scene and the one where Tobias overheard her… I had to go for walks and play with puppies after writing them. 😂

Thank you so much for this feedback. Trust me… FF writers don’t think hearing about older works is weird, it makes us so happy to know that they still matter. Thank you a hundred times over. 💕💜💕

[islandpcosjourney]

Day 13 (pre-spring clean)

12th March 2022

Ok so I like signs! This morning I was juicing and chilling out when a particular song came on in my “chill out” playlist. The reason why this particular song tickled me was because I had only just been introduced to it a few weeks ago. A friend of a friend who used to live on the island has started a fertility support group on Facebook and she occasionally comes on to do a “live” video. During one of her meditation “lives” this song was played, accidentally and I really enjoyed it, so I looked it up on apple music. What surpassed was a window into a new genre of music for me and I started looking at similar albums too, creating my own “chill out” playlist. I hadn’t yet listened to the playlist as a whole, so when my “Beauty & the Beast – the musical” album finished, I quickly changed to the “chill out” playlist to continue the good feelings of Saturday! Having just had a fleeting thought about the fertility support group while chopping up an apple & wondering how some of them were, I was quite glad when this particular song came on. I recognised it right away (shows how many times I listened to the album on repeat 😂) and just knew this was a sign. The “sign” which was the shove I needed to get on and respond to one of the posts I was meant to a few days ago, and I was glad I did.

So the post was about RAW feelings - oh, the raw goodness! And I say that because I know how good and healing a raw diet can be (being on day 13 of the 28-day cleanse) but it is so good to have such raw feelings & allow them to happen, within a safe environment. I say that because I’ve spent a good while covering up my feelings and I still do to a certain extent but last week, I let them out, being true to myself.

This particular day, I suffered bad anxiety all morning, taking it out on my husband via WhatsApp as he’s working away & he called me out on it. He knew how hard the day was going to be for me. When the moment came, I was flooded with emotions. Crying uncontrollably. I didn’t want to do it. I wept, sitting in a meditative position on my bed and all I had was WhatsApp messaging to my husband to keep me real. I didn’t want to leave the house. The flood of emotions was too much to bear.

He knows me so well and one of his messages will stick with me as it really took my breath away. At first I was angry at the emotional blackmail he was pushing on me but a few mins later, I understood, I got it. Today wasn’t about me, it was about fulfilling another role, pushing passed all my emotions, not ignoring them, but giving them a time and a place. Today wasn’t the time or the place. I sorted my face, dried my top, kissed my dog goodbye & got in the car. I sat for a wee while to compose myself and did the same at the other end when I arrived.

After the day was done, at home, I just sat in silence. Despite the amazing feelings while I was out (which surprised me), I was now feeling so raw and overwhelmed. I didn’t cry, I just needed to sit and do nothing for a while. My mum wanted a call, but I just told her that I was too raw, and she understood. My husband wanted an update, and I couldn’t give him one either. All evening I sat in the dark and allowed my emotions to be still and as they were. I knew it was ok to feel numb. I allowed that numb feeling to be present. I gave it its place and acknowledged it.

Sunday morning I woke up with an intense vigour and yearning to repeat the day. It was such a relief that it had gone well and despite my numbness after, I was surprised at how well I had taken it all. I knew I’d be able to work past my feelings and I felt at peace. It couldn’t be a better outcome.

What this exercise taught me was that I am entitled to feel the way I do. I am to allow my feelings and cope with them in a new way, not to hide from them but tackle them head on by being aware and acknowledging them. It is ok to dread something, to not feel ok with it beforehand, to dream up every worst fear known to man but still go ahead with it, with a brave face on and an inner strength strong enough to get through even the fiercest storm. What I have learnt is that I have that strength. That strength may have cracks in it sometimes but it’s solid foundation always remains.