#and I know my midterm isn’t graded. but it’s 15 points.

[silvercaptain24]

This is fine

[gebtoons]

my contribution to the bapo timeline discourse bc i’m just gonna propose a timeline and will not be taking criticism <3 (under the cut bc this is gonna be a long post probably) 

ok disclaimer I am quite stupid, however I’m gonna use my knowledge from my own 12 years in american public high school and what little info I have about american boarding schools/catholic schools that I have from my friends lol. so. idk. 

i’m also gonna date songs/major events and i’m gonna be taking some “just trust me bro” liberties bc y’all are right it does NOT make that much sense. 

January 6: Epiphany; this is like an actual holiday lol. like its always on the sixth. idk its good that this is the starting point bc its an actual date yknow? For the purposes of this timeline were going with that its early in the week, so lets go with Monday idk

January 6-13: You and I, Role of a Lifetime; so we’re all kinda in agreement that this timeline (at least the beginning) only really makes sense if you and i/role of a lifetime aren’t like. a singular moment and are instead multiple days. so yeah, of this first week, this is like. monday-next sunday ish yknow. 

January 14: Auditions, Plain Jane Fatass; ok so having auditions for a spring musical right after kids get back from break actually makes perfect sense to me, like i can see it being like “ok take break to prepare so as soon as you come back we can have auditions so we can jump right into rehersals” yknow? and since the rave is clearly on a friday (”we’ll meet in tanya’s room on friday night”) so i’m going with the monday before.  

as for pjf, i know it doesn’t make a ton of sense for them to get a two week late birthday package their first few weeks back from school, but hear me out it makes sense. the implication throughout this entire show is that the twins have decently shitty parents. from bits of dialogue (in this song in particular lol) i’m kinda inferring their the “only concerned with how their kids make them look to others” kind of neglectful. so I don’t think it’s too outside the realm of possibility that they went away for the holidays, didn’t bring the twins, and instead mailed them a birthday package and having it show up two weeks late. realistically the timing of this isnt that important and the explicit “two week” time frame could’ve been an exaggeration on nadia’s part to mock her shit parents (idk its in her character) basically ppl are a little two fixated on this imo but anyway. moving on. 

January 18: Wonderland, A Quiet Night At Home, Rolling, Best Kept Secret; a very agreed upon point in the timeline. its the friday following the auditions. moving on. 

January 21: Confession; also very agreed upon. the monday following the rave. moving on again 

January 23: Portrait of a Girl; the date here is kinda arbitrary, but bc sister chantelle says “ok lets try to put yesterday’s rehearsal behind us” and i for the life of me cannot think of a scene she could be referring to (there’s none in the script either) that implies it wasn’t the same monday as confession (bc even in a boarding school i think holding extracurriculars that aren’t sports over the weekend (especially when they are no where near crunch time lol) is weird and not common) so i just picked a random day during the week

January 25: Birthday Bitch!, One Kiss, Are You There?; from matt’s line in wonderland, ivy’s birthday is a week after the rave. in my timeline that’s january 25th (an aquarius queen). 

btw given all grown up’s “17, how will i manage?” ivy is 16 during 17 at her party, which is strange given shes a high school senior and seniors are typically 17 during 18. so either a) she skipped a grade, not an unheard of thing. or b) shes not a senior, shes just a junior who hangs out with a bunch of seniors, which is also pretty common. and looking through the script i can’t find any mention that she is also a senior, other than yknow she graduates with them, but she isn’t mentioned during the class ranking scene? so idk not that it really matters just a fun detail 

February 3 (at night): 911 Emergency!; ok controversial. i know i like the joke about how its funny that peter having a weird dream when he was high prompted him to want to come out and really ruined his relationship with jason. BUT. i think the dream (despite it’s weirdness) would have a lot more meaning if it wasn’t the result of being really high, but if it was a dream he had like a week later as a result of a building sense of guilt/anxiety bc he told matt. also it fits better given later timeline things. (this timeline literally only exists if there are weird jumps in time that don’t make a ton of sense) (EDIT: I forgot one line about Jason crashing at ivys but fuck it forget that bitchass line this makes for more drama its staying this way)

February 4: Reputation Stain’d, Ever After; the next day following peter’s dream, idk what else to say, moving on. 

February 25-28: Spring; another jump! i’m sorry but the only way for this to make sense logistically is for there to be quite a few time jumps! however, i also think this one works bc i think it gives time for everything from around ivy’s party and peter and jason’s break up to stew emotionally. like obviously a musical only has so much time to tell a story so the audience cannot see every realistic beat, but honestly i think it makes the whole thing a little more dramatic™ if there’s space for everything to settle, and for ivy to come and apologize and such. also, the reason it’s multiple days is bc in the script, ivy is trying to study (presumably for some sort of midterm) while nadia is playing, so that probably takes place a few days before they move out, so before finals. but in the script, jason and peter are packing and peter is leaving, so that part of the song/staging takes place on the 28th. yes, that’s weird, but we are clearly thinking more about the logistics of this school than the writers were so. 

March 1: One; assuming st. cecilia’s works kinda like boarding schools here, they probably do staggered move out/move in, just bc that would be a lot to have people coming and going at once so it makes sense that peter left the day before, while jason and ivy are leaving the next day. also, given that peter is trying to call jason while he and ivy are banging, it’s probably been a hot minute since the actual break up, since peter was clearly very hurt by the whole thing, it would make sense (at least to me) that peter would reach out a month ish later, rather than like a few days later (you have to make so many assumptions to make this timeline work granted they aren’t super out there assumptions but still this is annoying) 

March 1-25: Spring Break. the coworkers I have who are in boarding school work over their school breaks, which are longer than the public school breaks (which are only a week) so i put their spring break at 3 weeks. it makes sense, and it makes the later part of the timeline make sense. 

I know i’m already halfway through this, but to me it makes sense for their to be quite a few time jumps in the story bc its a musical. they cannot show every day. there are a lot of other shows (particularly shows set in high schools) that are set over a whole school year, but if you just look at the events of the story that doesn’t make sense, so you have to imply that obviously they are not showing every little detail. moving on. 

March 25: Wedding Bells, In The Hallway, Touch My Soul; peter wakes up from his nightmare in the church, so im assuming he fell asleep in church (like he almost did during epiphany). also it makes sense that class ranks are announced in late march-early april, I know my school announced ours in like, the first week or so of april? so yeah. moving on.

(from this point on i was giving myself a headache trying to make it make sense so its all weird from here!!)

April 4: See Me, Warning; the date doesn’t really matter here, I picked a random day in early april. the script said peter is calling from him and jason’s old dorm room, as he was picking up the last of his things, so he clearly made the roommate switch after school started (makes sense to me). 

April 15-20 (approximately): Ivy finds out she’s pregnant. look google tells me on average people find out they are pregnant around 5-7 weeks after conception. i went with around 7 just so this timeline makes a tiny bit more sense given the later stuff, so yeah here we go. 

May 4: Pilgrim’s Hands, God Don’t Make No Trash, All Grown Up, Promise, Once Upon A Time, Cross; a rough night for our heroes. so given sister chantelle saying “again? wonderful.” and nadia saying “i can’t believe you missed rehearsal again”, clearly ivy has been missing quite a few rehearsals, so for dramas sake maybe from when she found out she was pregnant? also i know i’ve been saying they wouldn’t have rehearsals on weekends, and given my weird timeline this would be a saturday, but its tech week so i’ll allow it. 

May 5: Two Households, Bare, Queen Mab, A Glooming Peace; pretty self explanatory, and it makes sense to have the spring play in early may. rip jason. 

May 11: Absolution; the day before graduation peter goes to confront the priest. gives him a small amount of time to start processing, and it makes sense it would be the night before, at least to me. 

May 12: No Voice; i fucking hate this. “peter, we graduate next sunday” i hate that stupid fucking line. do you know that this timeline literally would be fine if it weren’t for that stupid fucking line? bc then, the school play would be in early may and graduation could be in late may-early june (when most high schools hold graduation) but no. keeping with continuity, they have to graduate the sunday following the school play. “peter we graduate in a month, are you really never gonna talk to me again?” would have been fine. but no, now we have beef. literally everything else about the end of this timeline being kinda weird would work itself out, except for the fucking graduation. god damn. anyway, may 12th, the graduate on may 12th which is really fucking weird bc of that one fucking line. whatever. i didn’t write the damn thing bc if i did i wouldn’t have written that fucking line. (i’ve been at this for over an hour and a half, so i’m a tad annoyed, can you tell?) 

anyway, that’s it. that’s my long as hell proposed bare timeline. if there’s anything glaringly wrong with it i don’t care bc this timeline literally cannot make sense. but honestly, now that i think about the Popular Tween High Schooler Musicals (heathers, bmc, deh) the timelines of those (especially heathers and bmc) don’t make tons of sense either. that’s just the way it is, that’s the way its gonna be. and we have to live with it. 

this post is so long it is actually slowing down my laptop as i type it

[qvid-pro-qvo]

Hello! Can i request #2) “It reminded me of you.” For Barba x female reader please? Thank you!!

rafael barba x female!reader.

word count: 1800

rating: e for everyone, because love doesn’t wait for holidays, and isn’t limited by oceans. no warnings. just fluff.

-

Rafael watches the cars pass by. He’s alone, on the bench, the cool autumn of the world around him beginning to fade into a harsh winter. He can tell – maybe it’s the bite of the wind on his nose, or maybe it’s the sound of his mother’s voice. Always certain of what was to come.

“Another snow, tonight, mijo,” he murmurs to himself, in time with his mamí’s rhythm. Smirks before shaking his head, taking a sip of his coffee. Another snow, another rain, another chance. So certain, his mamí. So assured. Some moments he wishes that he could have that confidence. Could just know. There isn’t much he just knows, nowadays, so much he has to fight tooth and nail to conquer.

The wind blows again.

He doesn’t know why he’s sitting on this bench, this particular bench, outside of the courthouse. He doesn’t really process why he’s insisting on sitting outside, when he has a perfectly fine office in a perfectly fine building a few blocks from here. When he has an office with… heating, and lights, and a place where he can work.

And then he feels the buzz of his phone, against his hip. Glances at his watch, sees the time, and bites his lower lip. Because he knows who’s calling, and it’s with that familiar rush that he reaches for his phone. His hands get caught a little in his coat, because of the way he’s sitting, and it takes three rings before he answers.

“Barba.” His usual greeting, but you’re anything but usual. And he knows you can tell by the warmth that he doesn’t feel in his body pushed into the name, sent across the line to wherever you are.

“Three buzzes. Made me nervous,” you tease, and he smiles despite his tendency for smirking. “Are you free to talk? I just got off on my lunch break.”

His watch peeks at him again. Here is it 8:00 AM, the morning just getting started in Manhattan. His day is on the upward climb, but at yours there’s enough of a lull that you can step away. It helps that your day is scheduled, and Rafael’s schedule is more of a suggestion. And it also helps that in London, 1:00 PM is hitting.

“Lucky for you, I am,” he returns, just as easily. Tilts his head up so he can see the puff of his breath against the sky. “Not a peep from the precinct.”

“Lucky for me indeed. They steal you away more than I would like.”

The way you say it. Like it’s not just a tease, but the truth. Plain for him to see. He smiles again.

“Why are you sitting outside?”

And at that Rafael blinks, glances around the place. Almost afraid Fordham Law will come loping down the steps, to pull him into another impossible case. “How do you know I’m outside?” he asks, and his brow climbs his face. He stands, takes another sip of coffee, and lets out that huff, that moment where the heat and cold combine. “

“I can hear the traffic. Morning rush in New York is nothing to sneeze at.”

“I could be watching a movie. Security footage. I could have an open window in my office,” Rafael begins, but the clicking of your tongue cuts him off.

“Or you could just be outside. Ockham’s razor. The simplest explanation is usually the answer.”

“Well, law school taught me the more complicated the better,” Rafael shoots back, and you chuckle again. He loves pulling that laughter from you, those little giggles. It makes his day brighter.

“I think that’s just your added flare, honey. And you never answered my question. Why outside?”

It’s true. He didn’t. Mainly because there is a reason, after all, and the reason makes him sigh a little, makes him think about the distance and how much it really hurts.

“You told me that sitting outside helps you think. Think about what really matters, in the long run. You told me that, three hours before you flew to Johannesburg, and… kissed me afterward.”

There’s a little inhale, a little gasp of breath, and he hums with it, nods against the phone. He knows you understand, because there’s one spot in the middle of Manhattan, one moment that he’ll cherish for the rest of his life.

“I’m sitting here because it reminded me of you.”

When he hears your little chuckle, it sounds watery. He hears you sniff, and it makes him duck his head, tuck his chin into his chest. Bend forward and heave out a sigh. “You’re gonna catch pneumonia” is all you can say, and he just chuckles right back.

“Well, next time kiss me inside the courthouse. Or my office. Then my reminiscing is in a protected environment.”

“The Manhattan staples. The courthouse and Rafael Barba’s offices.” Your voice is deadpan, the teary eyes surely wiped away.

He doesn’t think about his own teary eyes. About the lump in his throat when he speaks again. “Both waiting for you when you return.”

And that? That he knows. Other things might be complicated, but what he feels is quite simple. There’s you, and no one else.

The rest of your time is silent. Reminiscing. Hoping. Wanting. You start humming a song, and Rafael just listens, and you hear the honk of taxis and bus drivers as Manhattan starts the workday.

And just like that, it’s over. Over too soon. You know his schedule, because he sent it to you, and so she knows the deluge ahead. Knows that past a certain point, moments are stolen and not guaranteed.

“Text me tonight?” you ask him. “Before you go to bed.”

“You’ll be asleep,” he reminds you, but that laugh in your voice returns.

“Who knows? I’m giving out a midterm today. Maybe I’ll be grading.” 

“Cariño...” His voice is low, warning, like he doesn’t burn the midnight oil more than he’d like to admit. “Pace yourself.” 

“Just a present for when I wake up. Promise me, Rafael.”

Your voice and his name are a brilliant symphony. One last time, he smiles, and nods against the microphone. He knows you hear the rustle of his coat, but he says it anyway. “Of course, mi amor. I promise.” 

“I love you.”

And just like that, you’re gone. Across an ocean, finishing your lunch. His watch tells him it’s 8:15. Fifteen minutes with you, to last the rest of the day.

It’ll have to be enough.

“Barba!” he hears from behind him. When he turns, it’s Liv, hustling towards him along the sidewalk. He shoves his phone into his pocket, chugs the rest of his coffee to put a rush on the caffeine. When she arrives, her nose is pink, and he offers a tug of his lip to the lieutenant.

“Liv. What can I do for you?”  

She stops. For a moment, he freezes, too, at the look on her face, but then she grins. Like she knows something.

“What are you –“

“How is she?”

That’s all she asks, and that’s all she has to. She looks at Rafael, and knows, and grins, and Rafael can only look back. The wind helps hide the real reason that he’s ducking his head. His smile for you is just for you.

When he looks up, he’s able to offer a nod at his friend, who reaches to link their arms as they walk into the courthouse. He’s got an 8:30 meeting after all, and Liv is accompanying him.

“She’s good. Just took lunch.” Benson nods at that, and when he speaks again it’s wry. “Accused you of stealing my time.”

“Well, that’s my job, Rafael,” she returns, and the A.D.A. snorts, shaking his head. They get to the entrance and he scrapes his shoes before pushing inside, the lieutenant pulling away to pay a little more care to what she tracks in. “But I give you back.”

“Right.”

The halls are never empty in the courthouse, but it’s still morning. Slowly the building is rising with the sun, but right now it still echoes, just a bit. Together the two of them make their way towards one of the courtrooms, waiting for the lawyer they plan to convince to cut a deal to make his way inside for another case.

“Steal you away, that’s what she said,” he clarifies, and Liv glances at him, on the bench. “She said that you steal me away, more than she would like.”

“Rafa –”

“Do you think I –”

The two of them stumble over each other, and Rafael just lifts his hand, gesturing to Liv to continue. She just nods at him, and he sighs.

“I sat on a bench in the cold because it reminded me of her,” he admitted, and Olivia just shakes her head. It’s her turn to smirk, and he sighs. “I sat outside on a bench we used to share, and… I can’t help but think that… that she deserves better. Deserves more.”

“She loves you, Rafa,” Olivia assures him, but he sighs.

“She asks me to text her when I get off so she can wake up in the morning to it. I know she loves me, I’m just worried I don’t show her how much I love her. I try, I do, but. A bench in the cold isn’t the same without her here.”

He doesn’t feel lighter. If anything, the cold returns, and he shivers, shaking his head. But Olivia is simply smiling.

“What?”

She glances around. Makes sure that ears are distant, that she can put full feeling into it. Smiles at him, leans close.

“I was just going to say, that after this case, the next one lined up for the court is Callier’s.”

There’s a hum from the counselor, and he leans back so that he’s resting against the wall. Work talk, then. Right. “I’ve looked it over. She’ll do well,” Rafael affirms.

Liv… Liv just sighs. Something exasperated, and when he looks to her she smiles that knowing smile. Leans close again, bows their heads together.

“Our next case is Callier’s,” she emphasizes. “So maybe you should steal some time yourself. Almost Thanksgiving, after all.”

A pause. His brow furrows. “What? Take a vacation? It’s a little early in the season.”

Liv just sighs, and then glances pointedly to his pocket, where his phone rests now. “Go see her, Barba. Like I said. Your time isn’t mine to keep.”

And then it clicks. He didn’t even realize the holiday was approaching, and his eyes widen. He’s sure it’s comical, the look on his face, the way his pulls out his phone and starts looking at flights. Exorbitant. Abysmal pricing. But no amount of money could keep him from thinking, from hoping against hope that he could spare a week.

His schedule is a mess. But he thinks about Carmen. Thinks how much she deserves a raise, and thinks about the work he could do on the plane.

Thinks about how he’d do anything at all for moments with you.

He hopes you know that. He prays, sometimes, when his eyes close and he remembers that for a moment, you’re sleeping at the same time. Sharing a bed, worlds apart.

When he prays, that’s what he wishes for.

Time. Not ten minutes, not fifteen, but hours. Days. With you, days feel like moments and millennia, and he realizes that he’d spend each with you.

Or maybe he already knew.

“After this meeting, I’ll find a flight,” he affirms, and Liv just smiles, shaking her head.

“For a known workaholic you weren’t hard to convince.”

With that he just smirks. Looks up at the ceiling, lets out a breath. He thinks about you, and your little laughs, and the curve of your smile. For once, he’s certain, because there’s no other option. There’s just you and him, and that’s all he needs. No jury to convince, no minds to change. It’s just how it is.

It’s because he certain. He just knows. Just like the guarantee of a fresh snow. “I’ll make it work,” he tells her, lifting to stand. “Whatever it takes. And she’d do the same.”

[goldenraeofsun]

‘cause right now you're mine

set in this verse

THURSDAY, APRIL 2nd

Dean 12:01 You didn’t tell me you led Carver Prep’s quiz bowl team???

Castiel 12:15 It’s in the middle of the school day and you’re texting. What kind of example are you setting for your students?

Castiel 12:16 I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t relevant.

Dean 12:17 Haha smartass I’m having lunch in my office Youre texting me back so i see right through you And of course it’s freaking relevant

Castiel 12:20 How?

Dean 12:21 Because I got tapped to coach Edlund High's quiz bowl team this morning!

Castiel 12:21 Oh no.

Dean 12:30 Oh no is right buddy

Castiel 12:37 I thought you coached the softball team.

Dean 12:37 I can do both You’re dating a very talented man

Castiel 12:49 I know that. I just didn’t know it extended to quiz bowls and softball in addition to blow jobs and breaking and entering places to give blow jobs.

Dean 12:52 What the fuck is wrong with you I’m in school! My lunch hour is almost over I’ll have to get up from my desk very soon This is all your fault

Castiel 12:59 :)

Dean 1:00 Just for that No blow jobs for you tonight

Castiel 1:07 :(

 MONDAY, APRIL 6th

Dean 11:55 I bet I can grade more midterms than you today

Castiel 11:58 I know better than to make bets with you, Dean Winchester.

Dean 12:03 It was just a kiss I bet you’re just pissed you lost

Castiel 12:04 I can’t engage in PDA in front of my niece and one of my students at a school event!

Dean 12:04 Youre such a prude

Castiel 12:06 Unlike some teachers, I maintain boundaries between my personal and professional life.

Dean 12:07 Prude.

Castiel 12:09 Did you text me on a Monday afternoon just to harass me about my reluctance to kiss my boyfriend in front of minors?

Dean 12:11 Huh Boyfriend

Castiel 12:20 Dean?

Dean 12:21 What?

Castiel 12:22 Is everything okay?

Dean 12:23 Other than *my boyfriend* refusing to even entertain the idea of a friendly wager?

Castiel 12:23 Yes, other than that.

Dean 12:23 No

Castiel 12:25 That’s good. You scared me for a second.

Dean 12:26 I did?

Castiel 12:26 Are you okay with being my boyfriend? The long gap between our messages made me realize we haven’t talked about it before.

Dean 12:27 I mean it’s a little weird My 16 year old students have boyfriends “boyfriend” seems a little I don’t know Juvenile We’re not 16 anymore, Cas Thank god.

Castiel 12:30 Would you prefer “partner”?

Castiel 12:31 It’s just whenever I hear someone call their significant other “partner” I can never tell if they are talking about their life partner, same-sex partner, police partner, or if they are cowboys. That was a joke! Ignore this. I remember how much you like Westerns. “Partners” is off the table.

Dean 12:31 HOWDY YALL THIS IS MY PARTNER CAS

Castiel 12:31 Please never introduce me to someone like this.

Dean 12:32 Only if you watch Tombstone with me tonight

Castiel 12:33 Can I still grade my midterms?

Dean 12:35 You’re killing me here Cas Yes

Castiel 12:40 I’m your huckleberry

 SUNDAY, APRIL 12th

Castiel 2:19 Good luck with the softball game today!

Dean 2:21 You’d better make it up for me for missing this one Its the semifinals

Castiel 2:22 I will. Say “hi” to Claire for me.

Dean 2:27 What the hell? Why is she here? We’re not even playing Carver

Castiel 2:29 She has a crush on Kaia Nieves

Dean 2:30 Ohhhhh That explains a lot

Castiel 2:30 She thinks she’s being subtle.

Dean 2:37 I see that runs in the family Subtle as a brick wall. All of you.

Castiel 2:38 Excuse me, you had no idea about my feelings for you back in high school.

Dean 2:49 So? Charlie said you were obvious as fuck But it didn’t matter since I was a dumbass

Castiel 2:50 I prefer oblivious Less dumb Less ass

Dean 2:57 How dare you My ass is a goddamn gift. You take that back right now

Castiel 2:59 Of course. Don’t you have a game to coach?

Dean 3:01 Shit you’re right

 TUESDAY, APRIL 14th

Castiel 11:18 I know how I can make up for missing that last softball game last weekend

Dean 12:01 Sorry The kids called me out for texting you 5 mins before the bell last time How the hell did i get stuck with a class full of narcs

Castiel 12:03 It’s probably karma For all the rule breaking you did in school

Dean 12:05 Hey I wasn’t that bad

Castiel 12:05 You frequently defaced school desks and returned library books after their due date.

Dean 12:06 I’m dating a narc too???

Castiel 12:07 You didn’t ask what I have planned.

Dean 12:07 OK i’ll bite What do you have planned babe? Please tell me it’s not another documentary on bees That was depressing The grand canyon one was cool though

Castiel 12:10 Speaking of narcs

Dean 12:10 This doesn’t sound good

Castiel 12:11 When I had to get my extra copy of Camus from my car, I stumbled on Miriam at the edge of the parking lot with a few more students. They were skipping class and smoking marijuana. Naturally, I reported them to the administration.

Dean 12:13 Not helping your not-a-narc case

Castiel 12:13 They received detention for skipping class.

Dean 12:13 And the drugs?

Castiel 12:13 I may have neglected to report the drug use.

Dean 12:14 Seriously?

Castiel 12:14 I still confiscated it. Research evidence shows marijuana has negative effects on the developing brain.

Dean 12:14 I guess that’s fair

Dean 12:15 Hang on Do you still have it? OUR brains are old as balls Seriously, are you telling me you have weed now?

Castiel 12:15 Surprise?  I can throw it out if you’d prefer to do something else tonight.

Dean 12:15 Dont you dare!!! I’m going to get a six pack on the way home, download the last Star Wars, and we’re gonna do this right Your place or mine?

Castiel 12:16 I have been neglecting laundry lately. Yours?

Dean 12:16 You’re on This is going to be so awesome

 WEDNESDAY, APRIL 15th

Dean 12:06 Did you really mean to invite me to dinner with your brother?

Castiel 12:09 I didn’t mean to bring it up when we were high, but the invitation still stands. Claire told him we were together. He wants to meet you.

Dean 12:11 Oh

Castiel 12:11 You do not have to say yes.

Dean 12:13 I’ll go It just took me by surprise

Castiel 12:13 I don’t want to pressure you.

Dean 12:14 Youre not pressuring me

Castiel 12:14 Are you sure?

Dean 12:16 Look, I just know your relationship with your brother is complicated And I don’t want to stick my foot in it By accident or some other way

Castiel 12:20 We’re in a better place than I’d like to admit. I spent a long time resenting Jimmy for the time he had with Father. But it wasn’t his fault Father was a bastard who had a second family he preferred to be with. Jimmy was barely in middle school when Father started going on his “business trips”

Dean 12:21 Jesus christ You told me bit about it back in high school But I didn’t realize it was a second family situation

Castiel 12:21 Mother kept it from us for years. I still haven’t forgiven her for it.

Dean 12:21 Are you OK?

Castiel 12:22 I’m fine. It was a long time ago.

Dean 12:22 That stuff takes a long time to get over.

Castiel 12:22 I suppose.

Dean 12:23 Is it okay if you stay at mine tonight?

Castiel 12:24 Our next date isn’t until Friday

Dean 12:24 I don’t want to wait until Friday to see you

Castiel 12:27 Can you pick me up at Carver at 4pm?

Dean 12:27 You got it More time with you and my baby Win-win!

 FRIDAY, APRIL 24th

Dean 11:51 Are you sure what I usually wear to school is OK?

Castiel 11:53 You texted me nine minutes early?

Dean 11:53 Shut up I had to bribe my kids For NINE extra minutes Friggin tyrants

Castiel 11:54 What did they extort from you?

Dean 11:54 I promised to throw out their lowest pop quiz grade

Castiel 11:54 That isn’t too bad.

Dean 11:54 I was already planning on doing it

Castiel 11:55 Clever of you.

Dean 11:56 You’re not just dating a pretty face But getting back to dinner with your brother Is a regular button up OK? The tie hides most of the sloppy joe stain

Castiel 11:56 I’m sure you look very handsome

Dean 11:57 I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not

Castiel 11:57 I rarely manage sarcasm in-person. What makes you think I would attempt it over text?

Dean 11:58 Good point

Castiel 11:58 You’re a very good-looking man, Dean. I’ve known this since we were 15.

Dean 11:59 Stop it you’re making me blush

Castiel 12:01 It’s the truth.

Dean 12:04 Alright, alright I’m already sleeping with you No need to butter me up

Dean 12:05 It’s just I remember how you used to talk about him The perfect big brother

Castiel 12:07 More like the perfect student and perfect son. Jimmy was honestly too busy to be much of a brother. The 11 year age difference didn’t help. When I was in high school, he already had the perfect nuclear family on the way.

Dean 12:07 Exactly

Castiel 12:08 Exactly what?

Dean 12:08 You’re lucky I know you And I know you’re not drawing this out on purpose Look, i want to make a good impression, OK? he seems like a hard guy to please.

Castiel 12:09 I That’s very admirable of you, but it’s entirely unnecessary.

Dean 12:10 He’s your family

Castiel 12:11 And I understand family is very important to you, but it isn’t the same with me. It would be very nice if dinner goes well, but if it does not, I will not care in the slightest.

Dean 12:11 Really?

Castiel 12:11 Truly.

 SATURDAY, APRIL 25th

11:16 I’m sorry for my dad.

Dean 11:17 Who is this? 

11:20 Claire Novak

Dean 11:21 How did you get this number?

Claire 11:23 Alex Jones

Dean 11:24 How did Alex get my number???

Claire 11:24 It was on the softball permission forms How did you not know this Didn’t you draft them?

Dean 11:25 It’s been a while I’m a very busy man

Claire 11:25 Sure. Anyway, my dad was a dick.  Totally out of line last night

Dean 11:26 Shouldn’t you be texting Cas about this?

Claire 11:26 I don’t have his number

Dean 11:26 Cas wasn’t kidding when he said you guys weren’t close

Claire 11:27 Nope.

Dean 11:27 Well I am very close with my brother He’s a lawyer out in California

Claire 11:27 Good for you???

Dean 11:29 It doesn’t sit right with me that Cas doesn't have a real relationship with his family

Claire 11:31 That seems like Uncle Castiels business

Dean 11:33 But Jimmy isn’t Cas’s only family SO if you ever need a place to crash, i’m always available

Claire 11:35 Maybe my dad was right And you’re secretly a perv I’m not staying with you you freak

Dean 11:35 Jesus christ, I’m trying to say, if ALEX isn’t the only girl on Edlund's softball team you’re getting buddy-buddy with, it’s fine You should get a chance to explore that part of being a teenager While STAYING SAFE But don’t let your parents stand in the way of that side of your life

Claire 11:41 Dad wouldn’t kick me out

Dean 11:42 Maybe not. But if you are at all uncomfortable, just give cas a call I’ll forward you his contact info now

 “I might have told Claire she’s always welcome at my place if she comes out to her parents,” Dean says as he pockets his phone. He turns his back on the pile of sparkling clean dishes drying on the rack by Cas's sink. Dean adds, “Hopefully she’ll ask you before she goes to me.”

They hadn't really discussed the disaster of a dinner with Jimmy and Claire. A few tense words on the drive back to Cas's house, a tacit acknowledgement in the morning not to mention it until after coffee and breakfast. But then Cas brought out his homework for the weekend, even while last night's argument scratches at the back of his mind like a fly trapped in a windowless room. So Dean did the dishes and texted Claire.

Cas looks up from his juniors’ final exams. “You were talking to Claire?”

“She texted me first,” Dean says defensively.

Cas sighs and caps his pen. It’s blue, because red pen, according to Cas, is too traumatizing a grading implement. “I’m very sorry about last night.”

Dean waves his apology off. “You warned me it could go sideways.”

Cas’s brow furrows. “Still,” he says slowly, “I told my mother and Jimmy I was gay a few years ago. I think it was easy for them to ignore it as long as I didn’t have a boyfriend in the picture.”

Dean fiddles with a dishrag as he hovers by the sink. “Was Jimmy a jackass to your other boyfriends?”

“What others?” Cas asks wryly. “None of them were ever serious enough to pique Jimmy’s interest.”

“Really?”

Cas nods and gestures for Dean to take a seat at the kitchen table next to him. He holds out his hand, which Dean takes, bemused. “I don’t know why Jimmy thought religion was an appropriate introductory dinner topic. I could tell he was trying to genuinely understand our… lifestyle, to use his word, but-”

“I got angry,” Dean says looking down at their clasped hands.

“You didn’t say anything I wasn't thinking,” Cas says simply. “I’m glad you reached out to Claire.”

“It seems like she needed it.”

“She doesn’t have a lot of adults in her life she can rely on to be in her corner,” Cas says diplomatically. “I’ve tried, over the years, but I can’t relate to her at all.”

Dean laughs. “Of course not. Teenage rebellion wasn’t really your style.”

“Ah yes, of course,” Cas says, his voice dry as chalk, “you’d be the perfect person to talk to her. The cool kids speak their own language. How could I forget?”

Dean smirks. “It’s full of references you don’t get.”

“Don’t remind me,” Cas says darkly.

Dean leans in for a kiss. Eyes dancing, as he whispers, “Relax, babe. You were always the coolest kid in school to me."

[unproduciblesmackdown]

40, 47, 59, 62, 76

lmao hell yeah thanks for All this support i love it!! quastions

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

really idk i feel like even our schools’s Antics were pretty par for the course and i was just sitting in the corner reading the whole time basically......trying to think if anything wild happened in college but even then it was p similar. well you know what, whatever donors covered the majority of the cost of the school’s black box theater being renovated apparently Stipulated that every other year a rodgers and hammerstein production be put on. absolute freaks. my roommate/friend and their then-boyfriend, the one mormon i have Knowingly Known in my life, were in pirates of penzance (sic?) together. hilarious

47. favorite type of cheese?

i like cheddar and like, parmesan, smoked gouda.....let’s get that shit Sharp!!! and hard lmao

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

idk i’d be like an npc just doing their weird thing on their own. i’ve never played pokemons unless you count pokemons Go but i think about the famed “i like shorts they’re comfy and easy to wear” npc kid. like, yeah. i feel the same. and would say similar bullshit nobody asked about

62. seven characters you relate to?

oh god.........recognizing the self through the relatable characters :|

well let’s just talk about the wrol roles right off b/c the characters that Most occupy my gay thoughts (which is to say: my general thoughts) will inevitably get priority when it comes to Remembering things

1) whom among us doesn’t relate to jared kleinman........will roland emerging from relative obscurity and coming for our entire fucking lives like the goddamn legend he is. it’s tough b/c it’s like, oh well alana is relatable too, so is evan unfortunately sorry evan, and in ways i might ~usually act~ like one of those two more than jared but. no. it is Jared who wins the relatability contest, and we all get to be beautifully haunted by it forever

2) leaning hard into winston even with the few glimpses of him b/c somehow will Cannot play an allistic cishet. and this is even More of a case where maybe i don’t much have winston’s demeanor.......even without winston being a beacon of confidence, he has more confidence lmao. and he has that ability to just Be Himself in a situation which, i wish i had that moxie lmao. i am a lot more [usually trying to be accommodating wayyyy harder than i should], booo......even though he’s clearly not great at conflict considering how it doesn’t take Too much to put him out, it’d be pretty impossible for me to be all “called them hacks and lame” or carry out a very irritated monologue in front of four people in the first place lmao. but who knows. and it’s more in the details of like, oh no winston’s the odd one out even though he hasn’t really Done Anything, but we all ~understand~ why he Deserves it.........his expectation / treating it basically as Fact that he will disappoint people.......the [weird] [offputting] behaviors and his way of speaking in What he Says and How He Says It seeming wrong to people.......like it’s only 15-ish min of content that we have here and we don’t have the least info about will’s own thoughts on the character but it’s like. how is this such an iconic Gay Autistic Quant b/c these vibes are so rare. and i appreciate that he can be ~difficult~ lmao. same with jared though i didn’t mention it. i can be difficult!! love it for us...

3) briony atkins from murder of bindy mackenzie as a character who Does act more like how i Usually Act Like lmao.....god we’re only on three i forgot there was seven of these. and yet i know there’s probably at least 2 dozen characters who could make this list and i just won’t think of most of them unless directly reminded......but anyways yeah i mean in person i mostly do Not want attention unless i feel comfortable enough / in my element or whatever. especially if it’d be some situation like “sitting in a group of randos” lol. i mean it depends b/c i also can sometimes be ~on~ in terms of Masking and trying to be like Haha I’m Social I’m Regular and i def engage in Nervous Chatter sometimes, but like, very often it’s like god don’t talk to me and i don’t want to talk either.....and then yeah people Will be surprised that like, idk, i’m opinionated as shit and idk that i Enjoy Things / Have Thoughts And Feelings coz the assumption i guess is that you must simply have nothing to say. so the dismissal of this person who seemingly has nothing to contribute and must be Boring rings true lmfao.....but then of course it’s also important that her personality Under that is the one getting mistaken for emily’s lol cuz yeah At Heart i am sure of that dramatic / intense / excitable type Sometimes. but it takes some excavation before i am like “oh i can engage in my actual self” and like weeks and months to get comfortable w/ people and i’m always suspicious that anyone actually would enjoy it and i’m not too much......i am a motormouth actually and have something to say about any and everything and like to Have Fun Here but like. idk i come off as boring and can be Notably Quiet lmao

4) oscar martinez from the office is weirdly [Haha Same] sometimes lmfao. sort of keeps to himself but also has to pipe up with Opinions and Pedantry and the kind of Drama of a restrained theatre gay. some deleted scene from an episode where during an interview clip of Jimothy in a theater lobby and you have oscar call from across the group in that [wearied Ugh God] way of ‘jim, they’re remaking ___’ while jim just kind of gives a cursory “wow gosh” or whatever and like, i sure don’t have lots of Theatre Opinions but that “oh jeez i have a Take on this and have to share it with someone” vibe is like hahaha yeah.....it’s funny in the “the gang goes to the ice rink for a third of the ep” bit where you just catch oscar doing [ice skating turn] with some solemn intensity.......the “here’s a question nobody’s asking: is this worth it” quote.........way at the end where there’s a whole deal with one of the indoor plants and he’s like “why is it a He” @ the collective gendering of the houseplant lmfao.......i love the one thing where he and pam and uhh toby right? have the Finer Things book club or whatever and jim wants to join just like ~ironically~ and pam has to tell him that oscar doesn’t want him to join b/c he’s not going to take it seriously and use it as a Jokes Vehicle. and then you get the scene at the end where jim Is basically doing that and they’re just like taking it out of him and oscar’s all very seriously like “did you get it all out of your system” lmfao like yeah, earnest members only lmao.....the thing where he gets mad at angela’s like Jazz Musician Posed Babies posters all “it’s kitsch it Destroys art” lmaoooo and in a totally different season all “this is the problem with debate” over the completely inconsequential “is [whichever actress, i forget] Hot” “”””debate””””.......the whole tendency to get involved and always have a take to get across.....opinionated-sometimes-to-the-point-of-petty central. also that he’s the canon gay, are there even any others? anyways and as the us office’s spiritual successor i’ll add on to this by uh what’s the name of billy eichner’s character on parks and rec? it’s craig right. that Self-Powered Intensity is very #me as well.

5) augh god........im like lmfao shit who represents my Hater Club side. hmmm. oh no wait you know what. totally different but i love Prof Beatrice Hotchkiss in the trt nancy drew pc game. she’s holed up in her room writing all the time and just is weird when you try to talk to her all like no i won’t open the door, bring me food, do this Research, bring me my Ski Boots i guess......and then when you do meet her it’s all at like post-midnight in the lounge and she’s all like, encouraging you as a Night Owl and your investigative curiosity and all and i’m like oh word yeah being up in the dead of night is the shit. she’s just weird and passionate and this is another character i might not Act hardly at all like but who i vibe with lmfao. hotchkiss was the supportive adult in my life

6) remembering how hotchkiss is a historian made me think of academia which made me think of like, once again with “these vibes are So So Rare” i really ought to put the wrol role of Nato on the list cuz like. that essential representation of “gets gr8 grades but isn’t really ~academic~ / doesn’t care about that and really just cares about Hanging W Friends and [real specific interests]” is like wow damn that’s the Mood. coz like to an extent i can always Relate to the ~overachiever~ types a la the [nerd character gets all-A’s and other nerd shit] deal, but there’s eventually the issue of like.....those characters like bindy mackenzies and alana becks Care about their achievements (not exclusively as some ppl would have it 9_9) and are Studious whereas i always hated school and was a godawful student in terms of Habits and always got good grades b/c the devil was with me or something and like people will think i must have tried real hard and dedicated myself to Academics and stuff and it’s like.........no................not at all hardly, sure i did my hw every night but at like 11:29 pm or studied for a midterm at lunch right before the class lol or flipped through a lil bit of the sat study guide the night prior.........the “low-effort dumbass who Academically Excels Anyhow” representation is so crucial like!! i run into a wall when it’s the Good Grades nerd character who is real studious and focused and stuff like. couldn’t be me. meanwhile the “naturally weird + probably some ‘deliberate’ weirdness” and “likes animals” and “most likely to just wanna Roll With It” and “shitty focus lol” and “non sequiturs” and “without [activity] i do nothing” is all like....ahahahohoho..........nato rly got to make this list. and honorable mention for Wrol Jeremy. again: whom doesn’t relate!!!!!!!!

7) damnit i know there’s So many answers to [characters i relate to] and whom cover like, more particular Facets here but i’m struggling lmao. Uh. like i’m like, who’s the Hot Mess / continually evolving disaster characters i vibe with......who’s the peak despresso detached Haters rep......who embodies the solo production lifestyle........dammit you know what lol i tend to Feel for like, the background ~nobodies~ who might just get like totally destroyed in some movie with life or death stakes just to like, show how much danger our heroes / Important Complex Protags are. same w/ jeremy not feeling like the Hero / the one who the story’s about / the cool guy / player 1 / etc etc etc i’m like oo i’d be the npc who doesn’t really do anything, i’d be the rando getting blown away in the background of someone else’s story. on a totally different note another shoutout / honorable mention to wybie from the coraline lmfao one of the best characters invented from thin air for an adaptation......tangentially relevant b/c he’s entirely here to support the protag / not his story at all, just here to help and prompt interactions / exposition really.......but love that [weird loner kid who’s best friend is a cat and annoys the other kid and doesn’t Get it and has specific interests and entertains himself and just is doing weird shit around here tf dude lmao killing it] like, #mood. #lifestyle. less dismal to relate to than the bg person who dies......his counterpart who totally dies is somewhat fleshed out / given Investment so it doesnt Really count as [background Nobody who’s really just fodder for “defining the stakes / threat level”] Character Concept

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

latkes maybe......Yummy

[kweebtrash]

Nights in White Satin (M)

Pairing(s): Kino, Hongseok, E’Dawn, Hui x Reader. This one is Kino focused

Genre: SMUT AF, College AU

Summary: Sexual Liberation Pt 8. First person POV, heavy characterization of reader. just a bunch of smutty goodness in college.

Warnings: there’s a lot of sex over the course of the series. In this chapter, double kino sexy time, fuckboy/tsundere kinda Kino (but we all knew this),phone sex, squirting, masturbation, hearing kino moan, i literally have this kink with rings i’m so sorry yall have to experience this but please bare with me, creampies, wet and rainy, hair pulling, choking, car sex

Word Count: 11.5k

A/N: I flipflop between stage names and real names. Sometimes the formatting can be weird between mobile and desktop:/ Italics mean memories/past events and thoughts. In this one specifically it’s thoughts, a voicemail, and a fantasy. This one took me forever as well and it’s a freaking honker so get ready. but there is double the pleasure with this one.

Sexual Liberation Masterlist

Fic Inspo (Please listen to all these songs, they go along so well with this fic lmao)

Backseat-JYJ

Wet- Jooyoung (THIS ENTIRE MV YALL)

Nights in White Satin- The Relentless (yes this lowkey became a songfic shutup and this one is like the important one clearly because it’s the title lmao)

Hyuna fucked me against the window of the hotel room. Hui fucked me on the balcony. Hyojong fucked me in the hottub. And we had all somehow fucked each other in the giant shower stall without anyone slipping and sliding to their doom. To say that i was exhausted was an understatement. I was just a walking corpse, drained of any feeling and energy (or cum). Sunday morning we bid Hyuna goodbye before she got on her private jet. She cried a bit when she had to leave Hyojong and he spent several minutes reassuring her. It was really sweet. They seemed perfect for each other. I squeezed Hui's hand as i watched. I was being a bit of a glutton for punishment at this point.

She said goodbye to us next, a little bit faster since her plane was scheduled to leave soon. Hui and I received a kiss and a hug each and a promise that she would be back soon. We watched as her car drove off, leaving us to drag our luggages to the train station and endure the ride back home. We all slept on the train but it didn't even feel like enough. The three of us were still shuffling around wordlessly until we finally collapsed in the dorm. I flopped onto Hui's bed and didn't move. He flopped beside me, joining me in my feeling like we were hit by a bus. If we had larger beds, Hyojong would have slept with us too but he stayed in his own room for the time being. Being asleep felt like a comforting void close to death but not exactly there yet. I wanted to stay in this limbo forever.

I was shaken awake aggressively and yanked out of my blissful coma. “WHAT?!” i rasped

“Get up. Class starts in 15 minutes.” Hui said. His voice sounded as bad as mine and he still looked like a truck had run him over. I looked at the window that was pouring in light through the blinds. It was the next morning but i felt like i had only slept for a few hours. I think it was about 15 though.

“Fuck…” I got up and tossed off the clothes I had slept in and pulled out an outfit i had packed for the trip but hadn't worn. “Can i borrow a hoodie?”

Hui yawned as he pulled one out of his closet and handed it to me. I threw it on and tied my hair up in a knotted mess of a bun. “Fuck…” I said again, now realizing that i didn't have my backpack. “I don't have anything to take notes with.”

Hui grabbed my shoulders and gently shook me. “Who cares? If we didn't get points taken off for attendance we wouldn't be going to this dumb class. Just borrow my notebook.” He walked out of his room and banged on Hyojong's door.

I grabbed Hui's backpack and went out to the living room area. Kino came out his room and stopped when he saw me. “When did you get-shit. What happened to you?”

I glared at him. “Kino, i'm really not in the mood.” My voice cracked.

“You look horrible.” He glanced over at Hui who was pulling Hyojong out of his room by his shirt. Hyojong didn't even look like he could function at all. “What did you guys do??”

“What didn't we do is the better question.��� Hui answered. He got a bottle of Listerine and took a shot of it before handing it to me. I did the same and passed it to Hyojong, none of us actually having any time to thoroughly brush our teeth. Now we only had 10 minutes to get to class on legs that were too sore to move.

Kino's mouth stood agape for a moment but he didn't dare ask any other questions. We all walked to our Music Theory class and sat wayyyy in the back trying to hide from the prying eyes of teacher and students. Kino kept giving us the once over, finding new marks to pick out and make suspicions about. All hell basically broke loose when Jisoo arrived. She wanted to question everything that happened and wondered why the Trio of Doom had their new found seats beside me. I flopped onto the desk, the sound of everyone's voice drilling into my skull. “We fucked. A lot. A lot, a lot. We're tired and i'd rather be dead than here. And when my voice doesn't sound like a prepubescent boy I will tell you everything. For now, please shut up.”

Jisoo snapped her mouth shut and crossed her arms, staring at the presentation down in front, angrily. I spent the rest of class pretending that I was paying attention when in reality I was basically sleeping with my eyes open. It took about two more days to fully recover enough stamina. Classes were kicking my ass in full gear so I didn't have any more time to waste as midterms were in a few weeks. I had eventually sat Jisoo down to talk about what happened. I opened with, “So, i'm bi.” which earned me a loud screech from Jisoo.

“What the fuck do you mean you’re bi? What the hell happened on that trip? What kind of sex did you have???” She paced the length of her bedroom as she tried to wrap her head around what I was saying. I laid back on her bed and answered a text from Hui.

“Well let’s see...Hyojong got me vibrating panties and somehow got me to put them on without me noticing and he turned them on in the damn train station. Then I found out he brought sex toys and to get back at him I fucked him with a strap on. Then i found out he had a girlfriend-”

“WHAT?!”

“Hold on, it gets better. So his girlfriend is totally okay with me fucking Hyojong and we basically fucked the entire weekend. I got deepthroated like 7 times which is why I sounded like a croaking frog. And Hui is L O U D so he sounded terrible too. I was handcuffed and spread every which way so my body just gave out on me.”

Jisoo stared at me for a long while. “What even is your life….”

“You’re telling me. Fuck if I know. I just need my voice to recover so I can make up my stupid vocal lesson. At least that paper for Music Theory is out of my hair.” I sighed and looked at my phone again as I got another notification.

“You are...is this your life now? Is this just what you’re going to do for the rest of college?” Jisoo asked.

I sat up and looked at her, confused by what she meant. “What do you mean exactly?”

“Like are you just going to focus all your energy into becoming obsessed with fucking these guys?”

“Jisoo, all my energy isn’t going into them. My grades are still good and I’m working hard on all my practices. I danced through my pain and I still have blisters on my feet from practicing all day yesterday. Just because I’m involved with them doesn’t mean they’re going to get in the way of my dreams.”

“What happens when you start having feelings for them? Then what? They’re going to go back to Korea and Hyojong isn’t even going to think about you since he has a girlfriend!”

I got up quickly. “Why are you acting like this? It’s not cool.” Tears were starting to brim on my waterline. Jisoo had never spoken to me like this before.

“I’m just telling you the truth in hopes that you realize what it’s doing to you. You can’t just fuck people for months on end and not develop feelings for them. It’s only a matter of time and then you’ll be stuck with trying to figure out who you want to be with.” She sighed. “Look i’m not trying to be mean, I just need you to get your head together before this all dumps on you at once.”

I looked away from her and tried to blink away my tears. “I’ve got to go. I-I need to meet Hui. I’ll see you later.” I rushed out of her apartment and headed towards Hui’s dorm. I didn’t want to think about Jisoo being right, I really didn’t. But I thought back to what Hyojong said to me about me being his girlfriend. And about Hui saying that Hyojong would basically have to fight him if he wanted to have me. I shook my head to try and push those thoughts back where they belonged, in the box of denial in the back of my mind.

_____________________________________

I knocked on the door waiting for Hui to answer. I was instead greeted by Hongseok. “Oh, Hongseok, hi. Is Hui here? I was supposed to meet him.”

“He's not but I know his piano lesson is today and that's usually like 3 hours or so.”

“Maybe i misread his text. I'll just head back to my dorm then.”

“Uh...no, that's ok. You can hang out here if you want, though it's just me right now.” He said a bit nervously.

“Oh, ok! I like hanging out with you.” I stepped into their dorm space and set my backpack on one of the couches. “How'd your history test go?”

He beamed. “I actually passed thanks to you. Thank you so much for helping me.”

I gave him a high five. “Yay! I'm happy that it went ok. I knew you could do it. You're really smart.”

His cheeks turned a bit pink. “Heh...thanks. Um...but i kinda need your help again. If you dont mind?”

“Oh? What class is it this time?” i asked.

He swallowed hard and stared down at his feet. “Latin dance.”

“A latin class?” i chuckled a bit, surprised. “I didn't know you were taking a dance class.”

“It's just the required dance credit I have to take. But i definitely chose the wrong class. I’m not much of a dancer. Do you know anything about it?” he asked.

I nodded and stepped closer to him. “Yeah, I took Latin one and two last year. Here, put one hand on my waist,” I guided his hand to right above my hips. “And one hand up, hold mine.” Our hands cupped together in the air. “Now for the basic step it's about two steps forward, slight pause, two steps back. Lead with the left.”

I guided him into the basic step, laughing as I had to repeat and slow down for him. Our heads even bumped together a few times because he was so focused on staring at his feet. “You have to look up when you do it! You're gonna have points taken off!”

“Im sorry, Im sorry!” He rubbed his forehead where we had clashed together. “Im trying!”

“I know! But now we have to add the hips.” I placed my hands on his hips and lead them into small isolations. “When you step you have to add some hip movement. It goes with the beat.”

“O-oh...hips?”

I looked up at him and smiled. “Yes. Hips. All Latin dances are fun. Some are sexy and sensual You have to move your hips. Here maybe you should hold mine instead.” I switched the position of our hands and swirled my hips. “Feel that?”

He nodded. “I feel something.”

“Do you want to try it with music?” I reached for his phone that was on the dining table and took a misstep, my foot rolling slightly. Hongseok caught me instantly since we were still so close, my chest was pressed against his now, his hands on the small of my back, cheeks burning crimson. “S-sorry.” I stuttered. “I can literally trip on anything.”

“It's okay. I'm glad i caught you in time.”

He didn't let me go for a moment and I couldn't help but stare at his full lips. They just looked so soft and kissable. His hands around me were so warm; I could feel it spreading throughout my back. I dared to look up at his eyes which had been staring down at me. A nervous smile crept onto his face but neither of us let go. I swallowed back some of my nerves. “Hongseok...I…”

The door to the dorm swung open and Hongseok and I scrambled to pull away from one another and look as casual as possible. Kino kicked his shoes off and looked over at us, eyebrow raised in suspicion. “Oh I didn't know anyone was home. What are you doing here?” he asked me.

“I was waiting for Hui but I think I came too early. Then Hongseok asked me if I could help him with his dance class.”

“If you want better lessons, you should've just asked me, Hongseok.” Kino quipped.

“Well to be quite honest, Id rather not dance Latin with you. Unless you want to grind against me.” Hongseok chuckled.

“Ohh grinding. Is that what you two were doing?.” Kino teased as he came into the dining and kitchen area with us. “Is that why you want her to help instead of me?”

Hongseok rubbed his neck nervously “I- I…”

“I should check with Hui to see how long he's going to be.” I tried to shift the tides and ease the awkwardness of the situation. I leaned over the back of the couch and dug into my backpack to retrieve my phone. I sent a quick text to Hui to see when he might be done. I felt a slight unease as if Hongseok and Kino were watching me but when i looked back their eyes were shifting and avoiding me. I smoothed out the back of my skater skirt. “What?”

Hongseok's face was even more beet red. “Nothing! Nothing…”

“You guys are weird…” I made my way over to the fridge and grabbed the filter water pitcher and a glass from the cabinet. Kino crept behind me and grabbed my ass firmly, making me almost drop the pitcher.

“You look good in that skirt. Did Hongseok have some wandering hands during your practice?” he whispered in my ear.

I shoved him away quickly. “What? Are you jealous now? It's just dancing, Kino.”

“Me? Jealous of Hongseok? Please.” He jumped onto the kitchen counter and took the glass of water from me.

I glared at him as he took a long gulp. “He has way more manners than you will ever have. And i'm sure if something was going on between us-which it's not, by the way- he would be nothing short of a gentleman.”

“Gentleman cant fuck.”

I tried to keep my voice as a whisper but Kino always made me want to scream. “Well gee, Kino, did it ever occur to you that I don't always want to fuck!? Maybe I want to go out on a date or two.”

He rolled his eyes. “Dating would mess up what we have. That's like the rule.”

“I didn't say go on a date with you, jackass. I wouldn't stoop so low.”

“Ouch, damn.” He said, and I almost thought he was actually offended. He set the glass down and jumped off of the counter. “I wouldn't say that about you.”

My mind was still a mess after my conversation with Jisoo. “Well which is it? I don't get you Kino. What exactly do you want?”

He didn't answer me and instead stormed off to his room. What the absolute hell?? I patted Hongseok's shoulder and advised him that i'd be right back. I followed Kino to his room and shut the door quietly. “What's your deal?”

He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it in his pile of dirty laundry. “Nothing's my deal. Go finish dancing with Hongseok.”

“Ok, correct me if i'm wrong but you just said you weren’t jealous of Hongseok and insinuated that if I were to have sex with him it wouldn't be good because you can fuck better than him. Then the topic of dates came up-”

“You brought that up. And I had to remind you that dating isn't part of our deal. I know you can't resist me but don't you think that would muddy up the waters, hmm?”

“There is no muddying of waters!” I stomped my foot, frustrated and annoyed at him. “I never said I wanted a date with you. But if I had to go on a date with Hongseok it would be much nicer.”

He took off his basketball shorts and tossed them in the laundry as well before going over to his dresser to pull out some fresh shorts. “Doubt it.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Ooohhh, I get it now. It's competition. You don't like anyone one-upping you. I can see that now. Yeahhhhh for sure! Everytime i would tell you about something I did with Hui or Hyojong, you'd want to do something better and harder.”

“I have no idea what youre talking about.” He didn't look at me though and I knew it was true.

“So, Kino,” I smirked as I sauntered over to him. “You would want to prove that you're a better date than Hongseok-if I were to go out on a date with him.”

“You're literally the one that's so obsessed with dating me now.” he said flatly. He still wouldn't look at me though.

“I'm not obsessed at all. After all, I’m not competing with others to coddle my fragile masculinity. But I'll grant you the favor of a date. It won't make things complicated but it will shut your mouth up. You just better make it worthy of being the best date I've ever had.”

“Fine!” He snapped back at me finally. “At least i know you'll put out on the first date.”

I was taken aback. I felt a stabbing pain in my chest as if his words had pierced through my heart. I grabbed the door handle and quickly walked out, not even wanting to stay for Hui or Hongseok. Was everyone just taking a stab at me today? Was this some cosmic karma bullshit coming to strike me down? I was over my friends being assholes to me and was ready to go back to being an introvert.

________________________________________

Hey….i just wanted to say that...im really sorry for what I said the other day. I mean, i wanted to say it in person but you walked out. I know why you did it but…-sigh- call me back, please?

It had been a few days since I had talked to anyone at all. I had ignored several calls from Kino this afternoon but when the voicemail icon showed up I decided to take a listen. I replayed the voicemail again just to make sure I heard everything correctly. He was being sincere which was a new thing for Kino; actually being nice and recognizing when he was wrong. I was shocked. I decided to call him back and see what else he had to say.

“Hello?” his voice seemed a little groggy.

“Kino?”

“Mhm...hey.”

“Were you asleep?” I asked and looked at my phone for a quick second. It was only 10 pm on a Friday. It wasn't really like him.

“Yeah.” He groaned and I assumed he was stretching. “I haven't slept much these past couple of days.”

“How come?”

There was a pause on the other end of the line. “I've been thinking about you. And what i said. I didn't mean to hurt you. I really didn't. I just don't want things to be weird between us...but I kind of realized that going on a date didn't matter if you were mad at me. I don't care about Hongseok or what you do with him. We can just...hang out as friends right? We can do fun stuff together and still fuck, right?”

“Yeah...yeah we can Kino. It's all i've ever wanted. We fight a lot but...we have good chemistry. I don't want anything to mess it up either.” The tone of his voice had my cold demeanor towards him melting in a matter of seconds. Hearing him apologize meant a lot to me and it felt good for us to want to do something together without bickering. “Do you want to maybe go to the arcade with me? We can get some wings too. It doesn't count as a date. It's not a fancy restaurant.”

He let out a small laugh. “Yeah, that's totally how that works.”

“It’s true! Wings are bro food! We’re bros.” I laughed at my lameness then cleared my throat. I adjusted myself in my bed. “Are you going to go back to sleep now?”

“Only if you forgive me.” He replied

“If i don't forgive you would you stay up and talk to me?”

“If you forgive me, i'll stay up with you anyway.”

I smiled to myself. “Ok, then I forgive you...but you didn't answer my question. Do you want to go to the arcade with me?”

He chuckled. “Yes, i do. Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow's good. If you meet me at my dorm we can go to the student parking lot to get my car and leave from there.”

“Sounds good…” There was silence for a long while. I had thought the call dropped.

“Kino?”

“Hmm? I'm still here...keep talking to me. I like the sound of your voice.”

I fiddled with the edge of my fleece blanket. “What do you want me to say?”

“You tell me, you’re the one begging me to stay up with you.”

That was true but we had never really talked on the phone like this before. Who even talked on the phone anymore? I talked to my freakin’ mom on the phone not my fuck buddy. I chewed on my bottom lip. “It’s kind of cold here… I have the heat on and i’m under the covers.”

“Well what are you wearing?” He asked.

“What am i-? I mean...like just a t-shirt and panties really. Why?”

He didn’t respond and it was like I could hear his smirk through the phone. “Kino, are you trying to have phone sex with me?”

“Well damn, it’s better than listening to you complain about the weather. And you woke me up. I need to get back to sleep somehow.”

Even though he couldn’t see me I covered my face in embarrassment. “I can’t do that! I’m not good at talking dirty!”

“Hah! I beg to differ. I remember a certain someone telling me that I was a good boy at the library. And you called me by my name. You know how to talk dirty. Don’t play innocent with me.”

“It’s different over the phone! It’s like...i have to think about it. I have to think about saying sexy things.”

“Don’t think about it, if you do you’re gonna force it and it’s gonna be awkward. Just breathe. Pretend I’m there with you.”

I set the phone down beside me and put him on speaker. Laying back, i closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. I was thankful that my roommate was gone for the weekend visiting her parents. “You should be here. You could warm me up.”

“I’d love to. Your thighs would be really warm around my head. You like that don’t you?”

“I do.” I sighed and rubbed my thighs. “I really do. It’s my favorite thing when you put your mouth to better use than annoying me.”

“I like when your mouth is moaning my name instead of annoying me.” Kino retorted. “In fact...i love when you do those short little breathy moans, like when my tongue is inside you and you pull my hair.” He let out a soft groan and I shuddered.

“You do have a talented tongue.” I dared my hand to go a little lower and rub the center of my panties. “You know you’re kind of quiet when we fuck. You make rough sounds but i’d really...really like to hear you moan for me. I want you to whimper and feel your breath catch in your throat. I want to hear you say my name, Hyunggu.”

He cleared his throat. “W-wha…”

I rubbed myself slowly, imagining Kino in his dark room, his hand wrapped around his cock. “I would love to hear you baby. Please? For me?”

“I-i-i’m sure I don’t sound as sexy as you...you know i-”

“Are you shy now, love? Do you not want to make me wet for you?”

He was silent for a moment but I could hear his sheets rustling. A few moments later I heard slick sounds of skin on skin. His breath was becoming slightly heavy. “I do...I want you dripping and fingering yourself, like that video you sent me.”

“Oh, the snap.” I let out a sensual giggle. “I had been thinking about you coming into my dorm and begging me to fuck you. I was using my vibrator but it wasn't enough. I wanted to feel you inside me Kino.” My fingers trailed inside my panties dancing in the wetness that pooled from my entrance. I stroked myself slowly, up and down...up and down, spreading my slick over my folds and clit. The more I thought back to that fantasy the more it fueled my passion.

The softest of moans escaped him. I had to strain my ears just to hear it but it made my toes curl instantly. “Fuck, I love being inside you…”

“You're still holding back, baby.” I spread my legs a little wider wanting better access to my entrance. I pushed one finger in easily but that didn't last long. I added another, curling the tips ever so slightly against my walls. I swallowed hard and licked my lips. The sounds on his end were getting faster. He was working his cock and I could picture how swollen he was; his hand traveling the length of his shaft, twisting slightly at the head that burned with sensitivity. Soft whimpers turned into harsh curses then short groans of pleasure. He sounded so good. My walls clenched around my fingers as my body shuddered. Just his sounds were driving me to the brink of an orgasm. Like music to my ears.

Then I heard my name. Over and over and over as the speed of his hand increased. I could hear the pace of his strokes quickening, the slickness of his precum was probably spread across his shaft. I thought about the way he tasted, the way his thick cum felt on my tongue. I lifted my knees towards my chest, fingering myself deeper as I was so desperate for him to hear me cum.

His breaths were ragged and intense now but he managed to speak. “I hear how wet you are, slut.” His short chuckle was filled with his usual sarcasm.

“You're the bigger...ahh...slut!” The last word came out as a cry as my fingers found my spot. “Now youre so loud. You like being loud for me, don't you, Hyunggu? You love being a good boy for me?”

He let out a loud gasp. “F-fuck! Don't call me that.”

I pushed a third finger inside me, my hips rocking up to meet my thrusts. “W-why not? Does it make you cum hard? Is that your little kink?”

He was a panting mess on the other line. I could tell he was trying to keep his mouth covered or at least bite down on his lip. I wanted to see him but the mystery of how he looked spread across his bed right now thrilled me. I slipped my hand under my shirt and grabbed at my breast, teasing and pulling my nipple to its sensitive erect state. My mind was at work again, taken back to my fantasy of him begging me to fuck him.

My hips worked in rough circles, feeling Kino plunge into me deeper. Harder. Faster. My head was tossed back as a slew of moans released from me. His hand landed hard smacks to my ass leaving burning red prints all over my cheeks. I could feel him watching my tits bounce, that evil tongue of his peeking out from his mouth to lick his lips. Everytime he did that it made me want to fuck him even more. I grabbed onto the headboard as he arched against my chest., his cock throbbing hard inside me. My free hand gripped a handful of his silver hair and forced his head towards me. “You want to cum like a good little boy, don’t you?”

He nodded breathlessly. “Make me cum, please!” He begged.

I smirked down at him, watching every muscle in his body tense under his skin. I licked his lips and whispered against them. “Cum inside me, baby.”

My walls clenched around his swollen cock fueling his cum to spill within me, warming me completely. His hips bucked with each strand that left him, his hand gripping my thighs so tight i could feel the bruises beginning to form. I slowed my bounces down pulled off of him gently. I could feel his cum threatening to slip out of me. I moved my hand between my thighs and gathered his cum on my fingers pushing it deeper inside me. I curled my fingertips against that little pleasure center inside me, crying out his name as I brought myself to the edge.

“FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!” My thighs shook as my cum shot out of me, dousing my panties and bedsheets. My breath felt like it was knocked out of me and my whole body was tingling. My whole head felt fuzzy as if I had just fainted. I looked around the room still upset that Kino was in his bed and not here with me. I swallowed hard and reached for my phone with my clean hand. I took it off speaker and pressed it to my ear in time to hear Kino moan deeply as he came. His wet strokes were slowing down as his breath struggled to keep up.

“Y-you ok?” I panted.

“Yeah...yeah I’m good. You sounded so fuckin’ sexy.”

“Yeah..uh...i squirted. Like everywhere. So that’s a new one.”

“Wait by yourself?” He asked. I had normally only done so when he, Hui, and Hyojong were inside me at the same time.

“Uh-huh. I was thinking about something in particular and I guess it...just…”

“Will you send me a picture?”

“God you’re gross.” I rolled my eyes. “Only if you send me a picture of your cum?”

He scoffed. “You’re such a hypocrite. You first though.”

“Fine, Fine. But you pay for the wings tomorrow.”

He groaned. “The things I do for you. Now hang up and send me the pic.”

“You’re so commanding!” I hung up on him quickly and decided to make him wait. Mostly because my legs were sore and i didn’t want to move at all or attempt to make myself look sexy. I felt my phone vibrate and of course it was Kino sending me a bunch of chicken emojis. I sighed and opened up my snapchat trying to find the best angle to show off my soaked sheets and panties, my hand still rubbing lazy circles on my clit. Once i was satisfied with the video I sent it. Eventually i willed myself to get up and change my sheets. I got up and dropped my panties to the floor and pulled off the dirty sheets. I tossed them in my hamper and pulled out some other sheets I had gotten on clearance. They were some white satin-y kind of material and not quite the right size for my dorm bed but it would have to do. I wasn’t in the mood to do a load of laundry now.

My phone vibrated again and I opened up my snapchat knowing it was a notif from Kino. I clicked on the video and saw the expanse of his cum covered abs, his cock beginning to soften. He dragged his fingers through his cum and the video switched angles, showing his face as he sucked it off his fingers one by one. His saved his middle finger for last, pulling it out with an audible pop, and flashing it to me. He stuck his tongue out, the icing on top of his irritatingly sexy video. I groaned and flopped back onto my bed, screaming into my pillow about how he was going to be the death of me. That stupid fuckin’ fuckboy!

___________________________________________

I finished misting my face with my makeup setting spray and checked myself out in the mirror. Not too shabby. I adjusted the waistband of my suspender skirt and fussed with my hair a bit more. I don’t know why I was trying so hard to look good. Maybe because he looked like a Korean supermodel and I didn’t want to look like a whale-potato next to him. I sighed and willed myself to stop fussing. I was about to text Kino to see where he was at but I heard a knock on my door. I opened it and stared at him. He was leaning against the doorframe, casually, dressed in tight skinny jeans, an oversized black shirt and a leather jacket. His hair was perfectly styled in such an effortless way and I hated him for being so ridiculously sexy.

“Hey.” He said. His eyes were crawling everywhere on my body.

“Hey…You look so…..Korea.”

He pushed his hair back and I wanted to scream. “And you look so America. What the hell does that mean anyway?”

“You know like...fashionable.” Attractive. Gorgeous. Deadly. “Just you know…” I stared at the rings on his slender fingers that was sliding through his silver locks. He was going to kill me today. I just knew it. Maybe we didn’t even have to go to the arcade. We could just stay here and fu-

“Are you gonna keep creepily staring at me or are we going to leave?”

I stopped staring at his hands and grabbed my purse. “Yeah, uh...Let’s go.”

There was no talk about what happened yesterday night. No talk about the dirty snaps we kept sending to each other until we fell asleep. No talk about the way he was currently holding my hand as we walked to my car. I stared down at our fingers and could only think about how cute they looked together. I unlocked my car when we were close enough and was surprised when Kino opened the door for me. I gave him a brief confused stare before getting in. He was still silent as he got in the passenger's seat. The ride was only filled with the soft drull of my music from my playlist. My hand fell comfortably to the center console as i drove and i felt Kino wrap his pinky around mine. I glanced over at him but he seemed to be occupied with staring out the window. This was...strange. Was he nervous? Did he not want to be here with me?

A lot of questions played in my mind as I pulled into the arcade parking lot about a half hour later. We got out of the car and I shoved him playfully. “C’mon, loser, I’m ready to kick your ass!”

A smile finally brightened his face which infected me with warmth. It was nice to see him smile like that and have it look genuine. It wasn't a smirk or a shit eating grin. It was Hyunggu. “Race you there!” He called out before sprinting towards the entrance of the arcade. He got there first, sticking his tongue out when I arrived seconds after him, panting slightly. He opened the door for me and i stepped through, taking in the smell of cheap pizza, sweat covered plastic, and stinky teenagers. I loved the arcade.

I went over to the change machine and Kino and I both slipped in a 20 in exchange for some tokens. “What game you want to do first?” He asked me.

I looked around surveying the selection of games. “Zombies.” I ran over to the booth, pleased to see some annoying kids move out when I arrived. I stepped in with Kino following behind me, closing the curtains to create the dark atmosphere. I pulled a few tokens out of my purse and put them in the coin slot. Kino did the same and we grabbed onto the guns. “Okay, i'll lead and you watch my back and the sides.”

“Sir, yes, sir.” Kino quipped. The countdown begin and the sound effects of labored breaths came through the speakers. Our characters ‘woke up’ as the throng of zombies crashed through a metal fence.

“Left.” I said as i landed two headshots. Kino aimed his gun and fired off several shots until he was empty.

“Wait, how do i reload?”

I groaned as I shot at zombies to pick up his slack. “Point the control off to the side and press the trigger. Hurry up!”

He did as I told and joined me in a murderous frenzy. We watched as other characters died and we prevailed. Kino landed a shot to some barrels of gas and made an entire crowd of zombies explode. I high fived him in excitement, loving the thrill of the high score. We were both acting like kids, laughing  and teasing each other to see who would die first.

“If you die first then you have to buy me a shot.” I told him.

“What, you mean in one year? I’m twenty, you idiot.”

I rolled my eyes. “I forget about that. Well fine, if you win what do you want?”

He fired a few shots as he thought. “Can it be anything?”

“Depends. I’m not going to like get naked in front of people or anything.”

“Ok, if I win, you come visit me in Korea”

I looked over at him briefly. “You serious? Like spend time with you there?”

“Spend time with all of us. For maybe like a few weeks or something. On your right.”

I adjusted my aim guide and hit the zombie on the right. “Ok, if I win you have to pay for my trip to Korea.”

“Deal.” He said instantly.  I leaned closer to the screen, determined that moving my body with the control would definitely help me land my hits more accurately. I was deep in concentration when i felt Kino’s fingers stroke my neck gently, his rings sliding gently across the surface of my skin while his tongue traced the outline of my ear. My entire body shivered and I let go of the gun.

“S-stop that!”

Kino pulled away and smirked as he landed a four hit combo. My character was already dead, my high score tossed away and replaced with Kino’s. I whacked the back of his head. “You cheated!”

“Ow!” He rubbed the sore spot and glared at me. “I didn’t cheat. I just used tactics.” He let go of the control as he died  “All's fair in love and war, princess.” He slid out of the booth while I cursed at him. I scooted out after him and saw him halfway across the arcade, heading towards the dance games. I had to run to catch up to him.

“Gee, thanks for waiting for me.” I grumped and crossed my arms over my chest.

He popped in a few tokens and hit the player one button. He raised his hand so the motion detector could register him before he selected a song. “You know you can do two player right?” I said.

He looked back at me after selecting his song. “Just watch and learn.”

The dance screen came up and filled with some anime looking girls. A sickly sweet pop song came on and I burst out laughing instantly when Kino started dancing to the cutesy moves. He had no shame in wiggling his hips and making cute faces. “Shake it but don’t break it baby!” I called out to him. He turned back to me and winked, holding up a peace sign before bouncing around again. I couldn’t help but record him, after all it could be used for future blackmail of him getting my ticket to Korea. But most importantly, he looked so adorable. The song finished and he pulled me over to him, panting slightly. “You want to try? You might want to start on easy.”

I rolled my eyes. “Maybe you should watch and learn then.” I stepped up to the machine and registered the motion detector. It took me a minute to find a good enough song but I chose something a little bit more sexy. The music started and I followed along, a little worse for wear at first but getting into the rhythm of the pre set moves. I swung my hips and shimmied, bouncing my ass just a bit because I knew he was watching. I looked back at him and he had a smug look on his face. His thumb was between his teeth holding back what he really wanted to say. I finished the song, watching the results of my score. “Not too bad huh?”

He put his arm around my shoulder and hugged me tight to his chest. “You’re a cock tease, you know that?”

“Of course. That’s what I do best.” We walked away from the dancing games for now and tried to see what our next target would be. We passed by a photobooth and I watched as the display photos popped up on the screen. I stared at it a bit longingly. Kino stopped and looked at the booth.

“You want pictures?” he asked.

I looked up at him. “Y-yeah...I don't really have any of just me and you. I have pictures of me with everyone else and our group ones, but not any of just us. But we don't have to.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the booth. “Let’s go.” I plopped down on the hard seat and fixed my hair, smiling a bit to myself. Kino fed the machine a 5 dollar bill and clicked through some options. “What should the first pose be?”

“Sexy! Always.” I replied. Kino got a little closer to me so we were both in the frame. He bit his lip and entangled his fingers in his hair while I winked and showed off my boobs. The flash went off and we only had a few seconds to readjust.

“Aegyo!”

Kino scrunched up his nose and put up two peace signs while I puffed out my cheeks and poked them. The flash went off again and we couldn't help but laugh when we caught a preview of our aegyo picture. We looked so dumb. I didnt even notice when the third flash went off, capturing us mid-laugh.

“Shit! We messed up! Now we only have one left. what should we do?” I asked frantically as the timer wound down.

I looked at Kino for a second before he pulled me close to him and kissed me. His hands held my jaw gently and his lips were nothing but warm caresses. My fingers curled against his jacket as my stomach released a fury of butterflies. I heard the sound of our photos printing and Kino pulled away slowly. “We should get those.”

“Hmm?” I still wanted to be wrapped up in his kiss and didn't care about the photos now. He chuckled.

“C'mon, loser. I have to beat your ass at another game before we get wings!” He stepped out and sprinted off somewhere again, leaving me to gather the strip of photos. I looked over them again, laughing at our silliness until I saw the bottom photo. Surrounding Kino and I was a frame of little pink hearts with a little cupid in the corner. I bit my lip as i stared at our lips together, the way his hand rested against me, the way i held onto him so tightly… my whole body felt warm and even though I kept trying to clear my head those feelings wouldn't go away.

______________________________________________

Kino and I stepped out of the arcade later on in the evening. He was holding the giant teddy bear I won him while I had on the crappy glitter bracelet he won me. A sprinkling of rain had overcome the parking lot and it looked like it was only going to get worse. “Shit, let's go before it starts pouring.” I said.

Kino nodded and we shuffled to my car. He tossed the bear into the trunk before we hurried into our seats. Our ride back was quieter, our energy mostly spent at running around and playing dancing games at least 40 more times. When I pulled into the student parking lot the drizzling outside had turned into a torrential downpour and I didn’t have an umbrella. I groaned and sat back in my seat. Being soaked was not on my list of things to do today. Kino rolled his head to look at me. “Well?”

“Well what?”

“Are you going to get out?”

“Kino it's pouring! And we have to walk all the way to my dorm! We're gonna get soaked.”

“It's just rain. We'll be fine.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “You can go out and catch a cold, i won't.”

“Fine, maybe if we wait it'll calm down a bit.”

I glared at the rain splattering around my windshield, angry that it was ruining my time with Kino. He had turned back away from me, his head pressed against the window, eyes closed. His slender fingers drummed lazily on his knee and i watched the metal rings on his fingers catch the light of the streetlamp above my car. I don't know what it was but his hands were so attractive? Is that even a thing? Every single time they were touching me today I felt my entire body shudder. The drumming stopped and instead his fingers spread across his thigh. My eyes trailed a little higher towards his-

“You’re staring again, creep.”

I jumped up, startled at his words. I tried to say something but I could only stutter as heat rose to the tips of my ears. “ I-I was not!”

He turned and faced me. “You’ve been staring at me all day. What’s your deal? If you want to fuck just tell me.”

I rolled my eyes. “It was so much better when you weren't annoying today. I actually had a nice time with you.”

“I wouldn't be me if i didn't tease you a bit….but i had a nice time too.” He shifted a bit in the seat. “I want to do it again, if that's ok?”

“Y-yeah?”

He nodded. “We can go to the movies or something. A nice dark room in public. You love public places.” He smirked. I sighed and ignored him for for now, turning my attention back to the rain. The temperature had dropped quickly as the sun went down and the weather wasn’t really helping. A chill was starting to creep into my car. I hadn’t brought a jacket since the day started out fairly warm. “Are you cold?”

“I’m fine,” I lied.

He stood up and maneuvered himself into the backseat. “Alright well, I’ll be back here taking a nap and you can wake me up when you want to get out.”

I watched him through the rearview mirror as he spread out as much as he could in the confined space. He closed his eyes and placed his arm behind his head, adjusting himself every few seconds until he settled in a comfortable position. The rain still hadn’t slowed down and it felt like we were trapped. I switched on a playlist from my spotify so it wasn’t as awkwardly quiet between us. The minutes ticked on and I almost contemplated running out in this rain just to leave the car. But the prospect of being drenched while I was shivering still didn’t sound all that thrilling. I sighed and climbed into the backseat, whacking my head on the roof and practically falling onto Kino. “Shit! Fuck…”

Kino caught me, jumping up instantly when i fell on him. “Christ! Why are you such a klutz?”

“It’s hard moving in this car!” I yelled as I rubbed the back of my head. I plopped down between his legs and adjusted myself on top of him, my head laying on his chest. I felt him tense for a moment then relax under me. He settled his arm around my shoulder and shifted slightly.

“You still cold?”

I nodded and played with the lapel of his jacket. I wanted to tell him that i loved the way he helped me kill zombies, or how cute he looked when i beat him at table hockey, and that i really loved the shitty glitter bracelet we won me with his 20 tickets but i was too much of a chicken to even let him know that. I looked at him and his eyes remained closed, completely relaxed with a steady breath. Now that I was closer I could smell the musky sweetness of his cologne. It was lulling me me into into a steady comfort. I had never really spent time with him like this before. We barely touched after fucking. Sometimes, if i even stayed in his dorm, we would just sleep side by side and he’d remain closer to the wall as if he was allergic to me. But this was nice.

His hand came to rest on top of mine, his index finger tapping to the beat of the song that started playing. I lifted my head and watched as his lips effortlessly wrapped around the notes, my heart filling with the sweet sound of his voice. I had never heard him sing before. We had only ever had dance classes together since that was our majors. I pushed his hair back gently and his eyes opened. “You sound...amazing.” I whispered.

He licked his lips slowly and chuckled softly. “Thanks...i just really like this song.”

“I’ve never heard you sing before. I didn’t know you could.”

“I write and compose songs all the time. I just…” He shrugged and looked away. “Think I’m better at dancing.”

“I know what you mean.” I chewed at my lip a bit. “I-i don’t like the way I sound when i sing either.” I looked away from him, returning my face to the nook between his neck and shoulder.

“You don’t sing, you rap that’s different.” He said. “...Or do you mean you can-?”

“Hui says I can but i still think that sound like a dying cat.”

“If Hui says you’re good then you must be amazing. He’s basically the best singer along with Jinho.”

“Don’t ask me to sing for you because that’s not happening. I hate singing for people.”

Kino sat up, moving me with him. I had have expected him to tease and force me to sing but he leaned in closer, angling his head so that our lips were only centimeters apart. Now i thought that he was just going to land a kiss but instead he resumed his soft singing, the notes whispered against my lips. I closed my eyes and drank in the steadiness of his voice. My hands slid up his chest towards his neck where I rubbed the shaved nape of his neck. He responded by cupping his hands around my waist, holding me tightly. “Hyunggu…” I whispered.

He pressed his forehead to mine and I connected our lips. I kissed him slowly, our body heat finally putting a bit of warmth in the car. His tongue slipped easily into my mouth, dancing against mine and pulling a small whimper out of me. He smiled against my lips. “What was that?”

I hid my face in my hands. “Be quiet.”

“Oh, you’re really gonna be shy? Around me? Really?” He pulled my hands away and kissed me again. I leaned back in the seat, pulling him down on top of me. His hands slipped under my skirt and caressed my hip and thigh, pulling my leg around him so he could nestle between them. I don’t know why I felt a little shy. Maybe it was because he let me hear him sing...a certain air of vulnerability between us? Or maybe it was just the way he looked today. You would think I was a teenager with a crush. Whatever it was, it was slipping inside me with every kiss and pooling within the pit of my stomach. I could feel his jeans pressed against my center and my hips dipped into his. “You should’ve just told me this was what you wanted…” He cooed against my ear.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I was still thinking about what you said. About me putting out on the first date.”

He kissed at my neck, gentle presses of his full lips on my jugular. “This isn’t a date remember? If you want something all you have to do is ask. And i also said I was sorry.” His right hand slid over my shoulder, down to my breasts, over my stomach, and under my skirt where his fingers danced across my panties. I nudged my hips up to meet his hand so he could cup me fully.

“Make me feel good. That’s what I want, Hyunggu.”

He licked his lips and nodded, barely saying a word as he busied his mouth with kisses across my neck and collarbone while his fingers moved under the lace fabric. His slender fingers stroked the length of my folds, the coolness of his metal rings against my skin made me gasp. My body shuddered as my thighs tried to keep shut.

“What’s wrong?”

I swallowed hard. “Y-you’re rings are c-cold…”

“Oh. Sorry, I’ll take them off.” I gripped his wrist before he could pull his hand away and pressed my entrance onto his fingers.

“Don’t you dare.” I moaned. “Keep going.”

He clicked his tongue and kept his fingers pressed inside me. “You never cease to amaze me.” His free hand gripped mine tightly, our palms pressed together, fingers hugged tight against each other. My eyes fluttered shut as I tried to spread my legs wider but my car was so small it was hard to move around. I groaned, a mix of frustration and pleasure. I wanted him deeper inside me and it was driving me insane.

“K-Kino…” I opened my eyes and found that he had been looking down at me, a small smirk across his lips. “W-what…?”

“Nothing. You just look good.” He shrugged and slowed his thrusts. “Your car is really small.”

“Yah, ya think?” I sighed and sat up. “Do you just want to go inside?.”

“No. Not at all.” He pulled me up from the seat and bent me over the center console. I gasped as i almost fell into the front seats, bracing my hands near the gear shift. Just as I was about to yell at him, I felt Kino’s warm tongue on my center. “F-fuck, Kino don’t do that.”

He ignored me and continued small licks to my folds, letting out a soft moan in between. My breath hitched as I gripped the sides of the seat. His hands rubbed the swell of my ass until he grabbed my panties and yanked them down. He went back to work, kissing my pussy lips slowly while flicking his tongue against my entrance. His hands gripped and kneaded at my cheeks and thighs, his fingernails digging in ever so slightly. “Y-you’re not gonna let me out of this car, are you?” I asked in a breathy moan. I felt him shake his head while his tongue was still inside me. I nudged my legs apart a little bit more and rocked my hips back against him. His name became written in the visible puffs of breaths I exhaled as i desperately wished for him to touch me more.

As if he read my mind his hands moved around my thighs and down my calves, every ridge of his rings sliding over my skin like a newfound sin. My legs buckled when his hands came back to my upper thighs. He stroked the length of my slit slowly with the underside of his fingers before he nudged the design of his larger square ring on his index finger against my clit. I gasped loudly as my nails dug into the seats a wave of pleasure becoming a dangerous tsunami. He rocked his finger against me again, slow and torturous until I was screaming his name and begging to cum. My body was shuddering when he yanked me back onto his lap. I immediately felt his cock underneath me. “So, this is what you’ve been wanting, huh? I didn’t know you’d like these that much.” He held his hand up in front of me and i could see the silver glistening with my cum through the light from the street lamp above. “What about this one?” He pulled the textured metal band off his thumb and switched it to his middle finger. “How loud can you scream for this one?”

I tried to squirm away from him, afraid of the shit that was going to come out of my mouth as soon as his hands got near me, but he pulled my legs open and propped my feet on the headrests in front of us. I was panting hard, my back against his chest so I could feel his heart beating as fast as mine. I was spread open for him and he had enough access to slide the band through my folds. Every pass of the textured metal seemed to hit all my nerves that were bursting with excitement. “Kino...fuck...God. Please don’t tease me. Please…” I mewled.

His unoccupied hand slid under my crop top and yanked my bralette to the side. His had smaller, simpler bands on this hand but they still elicited that same thrill against my skin as the others. He was making small windshield wiper strokes across my nipple, making it bud to the surface. I could feel his breath across my neck before his swiped his tongue across my jugular. His teeth wrapped around the sensitive skin and pulled blood to the surface in a gaping mark just below my jawline. It was a spot that always made me go crazy, especially when Kino was the one teasing it. My hands were grasping for anything to stabilize myself and ending up twisting in Kino’s hair, yanking his head back hard.

He growled and released the hold his teeth had on my neck. “Ow! You fucker.” My eyes rolled over to him and i saw the dangerous smirk cross his mouth. “Do it again.”

I swallowed hard and pulled on his hair again. “Be a good boy for me, Kino.”

The sound he made was almost inhuman and made every hair on my body stand on end. I could feel his cock throbbing against my ass eagerly awaiting freedom from the confines of his jeans. “Is all that for me?” I asked in a teasing tone. He wasn’t going to be the only one going crazy in this car. “Are you gonna cum inside me, baby?”

I felt him tense beneath me, his dark eyes questioning every word I had said. I leaned in closer and pressed my words into his neck. “You are going to cum inside me Kino. I can’t wait to be so fuckin’ full with your hot...thick-” I gasped as he grabbed me by my shirt and slammed our lips together. His tongue was vicious, teeth painfully tugging at my bottom lip while his fingers dove deep inside me. His rings were pressing against my entrance, occasionally entering me as he forced his fingers knuckle deep. I could only swallow back my screams of pleasure as my hips snapped up harshly to plunge him deeper into me. Kino wouldn’t even let me pull away to breathe. Every moment was filled with him taking over my mouth and pussy. My nails were embedded deep in his scalp, my body shuddering violently as it begged for my orgasm to overflow. My back arched high as i felt his fingers curl deep inside me. My mind was screaming YES!YES!YES! as I tiptoed closer to the edge. But all of that was gone in an instant.

Kino pulled away from me completely leaving me breathless and pissed off. My legs fell from their propped up position, tingling like they were filled with pins and needles. “Get up.” He commanded. I growled and hauled myself up within the confined space. He worked himself out of his jacket and shirt before unbuttoning his pants and pulling them down around his ankles. My eyes immediately fell to his cock that was now laying on his stomach, finally freed. He adjusted himself in the seat, spreading his legs a little wider before he gripped his shaft. I watched the rings slide across his skin, the metal clicking together ever so slightly. That simple sound triggered something inside me and if that wasn’t bad enough Kino let out a deep low moan. His head fell back against the backseat as he jerked himself a little faster. My cum that was still on his fingers mixed with the bit of precum spilling from his slit as he twisted his hand over his sensitive tip. I couldn’t wait anymore. If i did i was going to go crazy.

I pulled away my shirt and bra before climbing onto him. He looked up at me, our eyes locking as I sunk down onto him slowly. “Ohh fuck…” He groaned.

I bounced slowly, even though i wanted to fuck him into oblivion, teasing him as payback was going to make my orgasm that much sweeter. Inch by inch i felt him sliding in and out of me, our hips kissing every time i settled him in all the way. His brows were furrowed, lips frozen in a permanent moan. His hands were placed on either side of my ass keeping a firm hold of my cheeks as if he was trying to hold himself together. The windows misted with the fog of our breaths intermingling. He pulled me for another kiss, slowing down his pace a bit. His thrusts were starting to meet my bounces, matching the way his tongue caressed mine. Going slow was supposed to be torture for him yet...it made everything even hotter. We eased into a steady rhythm of grinding, his hips snapping up to meet mine in a harsh thrust. He was coaxing every feeling out of me in just one night and my mind could barely wrap around any of it. His kisses made their way down to my breasts and he captured my nipple in his mouth, sucking hard.

I held him tight to my chest, pulling at his hair when he pressed against my spot. He was filling me completely and it was as if my fantasy from last night was coming true. I was shivering in the stillness of the air but Kino’s hands kept exploring, grabbing, and rubbing wherever he pleased, warming me a little bit at a time. His mouth continued to work across my chest, leaving small hickies in hidden areas that only i could look at later. He was normally one for aggressively marking up in the most visible of places but these...looking back at these would help me think back to this moment with him. My body convulsed when i felt his ring covered fingers spread across the small of my back, the other hand crawling up my chest to drum its fingers across my throat. The grip came slowly at first, testing the water and my reaction. Of course, i fell into it easily, loving the way the metal clung to my skin, pressing into it like a branding, hot and stinging.

“Good boy…” The compliment fell into a rasp as his hand seized tight at my words. My eyes fell shut and it was like all I could hear were our moans mixing and the soft music still playing on my phone.The song seemed to be connected with our own tempo; a nice harshness mixed with a tender pace.

Nights in white satin Never reaching the end Letters I've written Never meaning to send

I could feel him throbbing inside me. He was coming undone but the look in his eyes screamed for my pleasure. He yearned for it just as badly as i yearned for his. My walls were keeping him trapped, flexing around his swollen cock begging for his cum. He landed a bite to my rib cage and i could barely squeeze out his name through the hold he had on my throat. My hand slammed against the fogged up windows, leaving streaks behind as my orgasm hit me hard. I clung to him, my nails making deep scratches between his shoulder blades when i at last felt his heat spread inside me. The sound he made had me riding another wave of ecstasy, extending my orgasm to another degree.

He fell back against the seat, his teeth chattering as our body heat wasn't enough to keep us warm any longer. The beads of sweat across his forehead felt like ice on his skin. I pressed myself to him trying to share what little bit of warmth we had left. It was a stupid idea to remove what clothes we had on just to get a bit more pleasure. It was mostly worth it though. Kino grabbed his jacket from the seat and wrapped it around me. “Here, you need this more than i do.”

I pulled my hands through the sleeves and adjusted the form fitting jacket around my breasts.  His eyes trailed across my torso and he grabbed my face, pulling me in for another kiss. His fingers on either side of my face had me feeling so comforted as our lips mated into a slow rhythm.

Beauty I've always missed With these eyes before Just what the truth is I can't say any more

Our foreheads pressed together as we separated for the last time. “I want you in bed with me.” i whispered.

He nodded and pushed me off him gently so he could pull up his pants and put his shirt on. With his cock no longer inside me i could feel his cum start to drip down my thighs. I tried to hold it in as best as i could, wanting to keep it there but it was no use. “I’ll give you more later, I promise.” He kissed the back of my hand before opening the door and sliding out. The rain drenched him instantly but he held his hand out for me to grab. I zipped his jacket up and took his hand cursing as the drops felt like icicles impaling me. I grabbed my purse and my phone, locking my car before we ran out into the night. The short run to my dorm made us look like we had gone through a hurricane. Kino was visibly shaking at this point and I rushed to try and get my key to swipe through the door lock. I finally managed to get us in and we shuffled to the elevator, leaving splatters of water across the tile. I looked over at him and felt so bad. His hair was dripping on his face and his body looked so small with his shirt clinging to him like that. I pulled him close to me which he accepted even though I’m sure the leather jacket wasn’t doing much to help.

I couldn’t help but laugh a little as we got to my floor. “We look like Jack and Rose.”

“Y-yeah. Just throw me o-off the door then.” He said through his chattering teeth. I pulled him along to my room and opened the door immediately turning up the heat. I helped him pull his clothes off and grabbed my towel to dry him off first. I pushed his hair back and guided him to the bed giving him a quick kiss before he slipped in.

“Get under the covers, baby.”

I didn’t have to tell him twice. He pulled every blanket i had over him slowly easing his shivering down. I pulled off the rest of my clothes and dried off, tying my hair up before shutting off the light and retreating to the bed. Kino unwrapped himself from the blanket burrito and beckoned me to join him. I eased in and laid down. He pulled himself on top of me, settling between my legs and enveloping us in the building warmth. I kissed his forehead and pushed his hair back, whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

“Stay with me Hyunggu…”

He nodded against my shoulder, eyes falling closed as his hips rolled against my center. “Always…”

Cause I love you Yes I love you Oh how I love you Oh how I love you

[arttlations]

one

Aside from the fact that my essays always stray too far from the topic given or as mentioned before, lack elegance in my usage of language and hence cost me a few marks, my overall grades were basically good. Simply put, I was close to being called a top student. That is why, before the placings for the midterm exams were out, I made a bet with Fatty and the rest that I would be able to attain a level placing in the top 15. This was a safe bet, for if I could get a pass for my essay, top 15 in the level would be an easy goal.

However, when the placings were released, I was ranked 16th.

Speechless, I treated Fatty and the rest to the student cafeteria's best fried noodles. Each person ate two big plates, and along with the noodles that disappeared, so did half of my week's allowance. (Dad and Mum used to give my brother and I our allowance weekly.) I was dissatisfied; my essay had surprisingly gotten a good pass, yet why was I unable to get into the top 15? I took out the seven scripts and went through each one of them carefully: out of a 100, Chinese 87, Mathematics 90, English 92, Physics 89, Political Science 86, History 69. My History must have pulled me down; it actually fell below 70 marks. Still unwilling to accept the placing, I went through the script thoroughly, hoping to spot a calculation error of one or two marks. The 15th rank belonged to Lu Feng, who was also from our class, and he only got one mark more than I did. Getting one mark back would mean I could share the spot with him. This wasn't about honor but rather about whether I would be able to eat this week.

With this final check, my blood started boiling, my face turned red with fury. I got a full score for the multiple-choice questions, but the teacher only gave me a big red tick, not a single mark out of the twenty marks was added to my final score.

Twenty, twenty marks...... Amongst the top 15, even half a mark could change everything, let alone forty half marks.

The me who was originally lying in the top bunk bed of the eight-people shared dorm awaiting death immediately sprang up, prepared myself to look for Fatty first to get the money back and then get my rightful marks back at the teachers' office. Suddenly, as soon as I lifted my head, I saw Lu Feng who resided in the lower bunk below me dash through the doorway excitedly, in his hands was an expensive-looking paper box.

"Cheng Yi Chen, come and check out my CD player."

It was the year 1996, in our small village back then, it was a time where many children could only enjoy the heavy cassette tape players, and carrying an AIWA Walkman was already a privilege that extended way beyond the MD-Player. I too, carried an unspeakable sense of curiosity and admiration as I examined the black gadget, and in the meantime, completely forgot about my usual stance of not bothering myself with Lu Feng.

Since the start of school, only half a term had gone past, but the cliques in which the boys hung out in were already more or less formed. Lu Feng and I were two different kinds of people that would never mix with the other no matter what. For me, as you guys have seen, I was a good student and an obedient son. My brother who's younger than me by a year was still in his first year of junior secondary school while I was a quick student who moved up by a few grades to be in the first year of senior secondary school. Besides my marks, my other aspects were on the low side; my family's financial background was extremely normal, (I'll see you try if you had parents who are both earning an average salary and yet have to support a son, one without any knowledge in terms of managing finances, studying at a prestigious school.) I was taught from young that nothing was more valuable than the knowledge you get from books and was threatened with the usual scare "if you can't get into university, then you can go back to our hometown and plow through our ancestors' fields that extend for miles", hence, I would never compare myself with others. Be it in terms of my meals or attire, as long as it's edible or wearable, an example being my outfit from junior high, the standard blue or black long pants with a white top and white sneakers, I would still try to wear it. As expected, I had the most appropriate hairstyle that's aligned with the school rules, and a daily scene you would see would be me wearing an old-fashioned pair of glasses as I sat at my desk, occupied with work.

Lu Feng, on the other hand, he's...... um...... it isn't right to speak badly of someone behind their backs, so I would simply present an objective point of view, picking a few rumors I had heard through the grapevine.

Appearance: Apparently, he was the level's most stylish and handsome male student, and if compared to Andy Lau or Aaron Kwok, they wouldn't stand a chance. (Really? Why didn't anyone find a Chinese man with a high nose bridge and deep amber eyes strange?)

Family background: Yes...... I heard that his father was a Chinese American, but anyway, Lu Feng is a person of mixed race, and just putting this out here, from the start of junior high, Lu Feng's family had been donating large sums of money to the school yearly to build this and that.

Academics: Um...... Let's just say the fact that he had entered the top 15 was as senseless as the fact that I hadn't entered the top 15.

Character: Eh, this sensitive question makes it hard to arrive at an answer, but the money that his father had donated was partly for the removal of records of Lu Feng's multiple fights. In one of the years of junior high, he had miraculously not been caught for the whole year. The finance department was said to have been riddled with anxiety for quite a while then.

Simply concluded, none of us look up to the other.

This new machine had obviously made us forget about this as we sat together listening to Lu Feng's collection of CDs of popular rock artists who I had never heard of.

"The sound quality is quite good, isn't it?" Lu Feng excitedly chattered, "My father's a man who keeps his words. Getting into the top 15 this time all depended on luck."

I immediately understood. This was the prize Lu Feng asked for from his father.

Feeling the history paper in my hands, I hesitated. I didn't like Lu Feng, but I couldn't bear to dampen his spirits at the moment.

"Like it? I'm going out to play soccer in the afternoon, do you want to borrow it first?"

Gosh, this was hateful...... He was too generous.

I quickly rolled up the paper hidden behind my back. Forget it, the cost of the plates of fried noodles wouldn't even add up to half a piece of the CD player's antenna.

Lu Feng scooped up the soccer ball below his table, and shouting for the boys next door, he left. The player was still sitting on my desk. I sighed. "Because of you; to protect you I'll have to starve for two days."

Throwing my script aside, I picked up an English textbook for a read on Lu Feng's bed before I gradually fell asleep.

Go on, sleep, once you fall asleep you'll no longer be hungry.

When I woke up, Lu Feng was already back, his eyes carefully examining something in his hand as he stood by the bedside rubbing his hair dry. I wandered for a moment before realizing that was my history paper.

"Your marks are tabulated wrongly." Seeing that I had woken up, Lu Feng lifted the paper, his tone calm yet unfriendly.

I muttered an "oh" in return.

"Why don't you go correct it? You might just become 1st if the marks are added."

"If I changed it, you would..." As expected, I was never one with the gift of gab after a nap. Who knew, Lu Feng was one with an immense amount of pride, and the look on his face obviously changed upon hearing these words.

"I know you look down on me. When the final exams come about, I'll be able to get a placing above you just fine by myself, you don't have to pretend to care."

Well, so much for being nice.

"I don't have any other intentions. That player is pretty neat, but as to whether you want it or not, that is your problem, it has nothing to do with me. I have no need to curry favor with you, and I'm not looking down on anyone, so don't be so narrow-hearted." I was too lazy to say any more, and with a quick eye roll, I snatched my paperback.

The room was quiet for some time before I heard him spoke. "How about this, I don't like owing people favors, so let me treat you to a meal."

This person is pretty irritating, treating someone to a meal immediately after having scolded them off.

After giving it some thought and finding that I was indeed hungry, I nodded. "Sure."

After that, I often thought, if I wasn't for this exchange, if Lu Feng and I had kept our distance and simply brushed past each other as usual, the future, my future, his future, would perhaps have been different.

I never expected that Lu Feng would go to such a great expense for the meal.

Repeating myself again, that was the year 1996, Kentucky's chicken wasn't as commonly found in the past. To eat that meal of KFC, it required a one hour plus journey on an old bumpy bus before they reached the city. To be honest, my knowledge on these American fast foods only extended till what I've read about them or seen on television, and as a result, Lu Feng called me old-fashioned for I had on a serious and respectful expression as I dipped the French fries in the tomato sauce with deep concentration, even more so than when I do an analysis question in Chemistry.

Even though I was mercilessly made fun of and laughed at by Lu Feng, that became one of my life's most unforgettable meals, and that feeling would never return in the future as I sit in the KFC by the street eating a burger and pieces of chicken.

Maybe a person's first indeed leaves the strongest memories.

This will then explain why in the many years to come, I would still fail to forget this man called Lu Feng.

For as many firsts he had given me, he had taken just as much away from me.

prologue//two//masterlist

[miriyos]

I didn't know you were in college! I just started this fall, any advice?

i am! i’m on my last year as an undergrad.

some general advice. there’s a lot of it, actually. i hope you don’t mind. if you wanna talk about anything specific, let me know.

don’t take classes earlier than 9-10am. enjoy your sleep.

it’ll definitely come in handy for whenever you’re up really late either on purpose or on accident.

try to stay away from the one day a week lectures if you can. they’re super long and your concentration is definitely gonna wander.

having classes that meet multiple times a week also helps with establishing a routine

drink water!!!

i had filtered water fountains on my floor when i lived in the dorms so i always had a bottle of water on hand near my desk.

classroom buildings also might have them.

eat regularly.

it’s really easy to get caught up in doing work.

also, the freshman 15 isn’t that big of a deal (if you’re at an american university with a meal plan). it’s mostly just sodium retention. once you eat non-meal plan foods again, you’ll drop the weight.

i gained the 15 pounds and didn’t even notice until i went home for a yearly checkup

don’t always buy your textbooks. look for rentals first and compare prices from different websites.

sometimes buying directly from your university might be cheaper.

also - if you have to buy the book, ask the professor if you can buy/rent an older edition. they’ll be cheaper.

editions only differ very slightly so most of the time changes are so small you can get away with it if the professor gives the a-ok.

your university probably has a facebook page run by students. post there for textbooks you might be looking for

this is super easy when the class you’re taking is something everyone else has to take

it’s also useful to use when you’re looking to sell those super common books

clean your room periodically.

it doesn’t have to be all at once

just do little bits at a time.

a tidy environment does a lot for motivation

don’t force yourself to go to class if you’re sick. stay home.

like mine, your school might require a doctor’s note if you miss class. this really is only a thing to be concerned with if your professor takes mandatory attendance.

to stay healthy -

i like to keep cough drops and tissues around my apartment

put portable hand sanitizer in your backpack

i have allergies already, but maybe keep allergy pills with any other medicine you might have

find a professor you really like and get to know them

connections are everything

and another tip: professors love talking about themselves/their work. tell them you’re interested (actually find someone who is interesting to you) and ask them to talk about it.

ask for advice on how to get into their field/research.

stay away from professors that brag about how hard their class is. they should want you to succeed.

classes will eventually get hard but a good professor will offer resources to make the class as easy as possible 

ie extra credit, tutoring, easy access to contact them

Quizlet is a godsend.

if your school offers help of any kind (writing assistance, tutoring, financial, scheduling help) go to them. no question is too stupid. they’ve heard it all and they’re there to help you.

depending on how slow your university runs, send an email and call or send an email and go visit their office in person.

digital copies of important documents or information pertinent to financial aid or payments may come in handy if you ever have issues

go to school clubs

you’re not gonna like them all but you’ll never know which ones you like unless you go to them

at the beginning of the semester, a lot of people are trying out clubs so you’re not the only new kid. and older members should want newer, younger members.

when clubs after their meetings/events go out to dinner, friendly clubs may offer to drive you home if you’re living on a campus without a car

it’s just the circle of the campus life. you drive freshmen around and they eventually pay it forward to their freshman friends

living on campus really helps here!

i was much more active in clubs when i lived on campus.

some clubs you can still attend without being a due paying member so don’t let money deter you from clubs that seem interesting.

never go totally barefoot in the dorms (if you live there). the floors are hella dirty. especially if you have communal bathrooms.

keep a calendar or planner of some kind.

personally, i use my study life.

my homework app is also really nice.

definitely definitely plan ahead.

if you procrastinate, it’s fine. if you have a schedule you already know how much time you have left before an assignment is due.

always turn in an assignment. some points are better than no points.

especially since in college, grades are mostly tests and quizzes and very little homework assignments (depending on the major)

check your (school issued) email and canvas (or whatever website your school issues) regularly. professors may put announcements there.

restaurants around campuses might have student discounts.

always keep your school id on you. you never know when you might be able to get a discount.

stay organized!!!

on your google drive or wherever you keep your notes for classes, stay organized!!

i recommend titling the documents by how you recognize the class name + the assignment/notes

ie PSY4604 - Wundt Essay

make time to have fun and relax!

participate in the fun events your campus might do (ie homecoming)

get the free stuff your campus gives out if you have the time

don’t be afraid to take a hammock to campus or just find a comfortable spot where you’ll be left alone to nap

other people will be jealous of you sleeping

treat yourself sometimes!

after midterms and finals, i get myself a smoothie so i have something to look forward to after the test

[a-fooled-heart]

Be Intentional

Initially I began this year at the bottom of the barrel. Being taken advantage of, bad relationships, failed two classes (one of which I had attempted to take the previous semester and dropped), family issues, deaths, and hauntings. Looking at my life now on the outside I suppose not a whole lot has truly improved. I failed the same classes again over the summer, worked a really shitty job, loved ones are still passing, and I’m pretty sure the negative entity that was in my apartment last semester followed me into my house now. It’s fine. 

The one thing that has changed (and is still changing, it will be an ongoing evolution of my mind) is my mindset. Yeah, cliche and probably a bit much, but I don’t give a shit. 

It's crazy how by actively choosing the thoughts you allow yourself to entertain daily will dictate your mood. Example: if I allow myself to think about how I failed my midterm in the midst of trying really hard to study for it, instead of reminding myself that it is, in fact, only 15 percent of my grade and that failing a test isn't the end of the world, I will probably be pretty upset for a solid couple of hours. Basically if you allow negativity into your mind, especially for extended periods of time, you will be drained of all positivity. It’s hard to recover from that. But if you choose to allow realistic and positive thoughts/scenarios/conversations into your mind then there is little room for anything else. 

In regards to some of the recent events in my life that have lead me to the point of writing a fucking blog, my roommate said something earth shattering to me. She said (I’m paraphrasing), “I know sometimes going without someone can be hard because it’s like you've forgotten who you are on your own. You have forgotten what it was like without them. What helps me is I remember that I did exist before them. Life was moving and I was breathing before I had them in my life so I can find a way to get back to that.” I really needed to hear that. 

Every time I’ve been in a relationship I find myself constantly struggling to stay above water. If it’s not emotionally, it’s physically. I just can't seem to keep up. I am not as outwardly emotional as any of the people I have dated. I don't pride myself in this, to be honest I wish it were easier for me to express myself and the way I’m feeling to others. I tend to hold everything in and compartmentalize it until I find it necessary to let it all out. Like airing out dirty laundry. It’s not the healthiest habit, I know. I’m working on it. I’m also not a physical person in general. I don't like being touched by people unless it’s under my terms. I didn't even start hugging one of my best friends until very recently, and that’s because we both forced it in attempts to normalize it. Forget being touched intimately, I don’t know how, but somehow I have the sex drive of a 14 year old boy until it comes time to “do the deed”, then I would rather curl up and hibernate. Unless there’s whiskey involved. Tequila makes her clothes fall off? Nah. Whiskey. Don't get me wrong, I like sex, it can be really great and super. I just don't need it to be close with my significant other. 

Here’s the thing: I’ve been in my fair share of shitty relationships. Neat Z, you’re not special. Everyone has shitty relationships. Great, glad we cleared that up. I would talk more about this but I honestly feel like I’ve exhausted the topic. 

I’ve titled my blog “Gold Dust Woman” because 1. I’ve been on a real Fleetwood Mac kick lately and 2. I finally stopped and actually listened to the song. Never in my life have I identified with a set of lyrics so deeply. 

“Wake up in the morning See your sunrise loves to go down Lousy lovers pick their prey But they never cry out loud Cry out”

Obviously, I’m no rock star; I’m not famous or doing loads of cocaine on tour (yet). But the central theme remains the same.

“Gold Dust Woman was a little bit about drugs ~ it was about you know keeping going. It was about cocaine. And, uh, you know after all these years ~ since I haven't done any cocaine since 1986 I can talk about it now you know. But it was ,ah, at that point ~ it was ~ I don't think I had ever been so tired in my whole life as I was when we were like - doing that. You know I think it was shocking me ~ the whole rock'n'roll life ~ was really heavy and it was so much work and it was so everyday intense you know. Being in Fleetwood Mac was like being in the army. It was like you have to be there. You have to be there and you have to be there as on time as you can be there. And even if there nothing you have to do, you have to be there. So Gold Dust Woman was really my kind of symbolic look at somebody going through a bad relationship, and doing alot of drugs, and trying to just make it ~ trying to live ~ you know trying to get through it to the next thing.” ~Stevie Nicks, VH1 The Making of Rumours, 1997

So there it is. Wow, that was a bit much. Kinda all over the place. A good introduction to how this blog is going to go. I do not plan to post regularly, so don't get your hopes up or anything. I’m saying this like I’m going to have steady readers. Good one. Anyway, this is for me, an outlet, if you will. A place to throw up all of my thoughts. 

In summation, I’m trying to be more intentional in every aspect of my life. Intentionally choosing what to give a fuck about and who to give a fuck about. 

Thanks for reading.

[stunudo]

BAU Prep School AU

A Criminal Minds Fan-fiction

Thanksgiving

Welcome to the Frederick Buchanan Institute located in scenic Quantico, Virginia, a senior high academy that shapes the best and brightest minds. Its motto is “Behavior, Analysis, Unity,” the mascot the Submariners, colloquially “the Unsubs”. The small school supports the most accomplished faculty from across the country. 

Nov. 15, 2016 7:07am

“Hey, kid, got a minute?” Derek asked, leaning into the kitchen door after catching a glimpse of the lanky doctor chatting idly with the chef.

“The school bell rings at 7:30, for you Coach, I’ve got roughly twenty minutes.” Spencer answered in his soothing ramble.

“Right.” Derek remained in the doorway, “Mind if we walk and talk?” Spencer waved to Rossi and followed the football coach into the dark wooden halls. Derek was wearing a suit again, it had been rumored that he owned a few, but now that he was on office detail during his non-teaching hours, he liked to look the part. Spencer sighed internally, despite wearing ties 96% of his working days, he would never pull off the look like Derek Morgan could.

“So, midterms grades are back and I am worried about my guys.” Derek began. “Sciences are crucial and I was hoping that you and I could tag team some study sessions.”

“I am impressed, Coach, certainly I can arrange perhaps a weekly after school tutoring group. But I have obligations that keep me rather busy at night.” Spencer grimaced before sipping his coffee to avoiding continuing on the tangent.

“Sure, no problem. What night does your chess club meet?” Morgan continued.

“Tuesdays, in the Library, until five o’clock.”

“Right, well, my afternoons are open since football season is over.” Derek trailed off.

“Oh, right, sorry? I mean, wasn’t there a loss?” Spencer tried to be conciliatory.

“Yeah, Reid, there was a loss, in the playoffs,” Derek shook his head. “Should we try for Wednesdays?”

“Derek? Aren’t you a little busy? Since Hotch is on paternity leave?” Spencer hinted, trying not to overstep. They had reached his office door, nestled in the middle of the science wing, which contained a meager three classrooms and a storage closet.

“Fair point. Well, I will talk with the kids struggling the most, but maybe we start this after the holidays?”

“That would help their performances in time for finals.” Spencer agreed. Derek patted him on the back robustly, and he chuckled.

“Good talk, thanks Reid.” The deputy headmaster hustled back the way he came.

“Good talk.” Spencer Reid called after his superior, staring awkwardly after his retreating form.

Nov. 16, 2016 3:58pm

Emily Prentiss strode into the library with her head buried in her phone, just in time for the monthly staff meeting. She had been ignoring the emails from her parents, obligatory apologies for not being “home” for the coming holiday. She sighed, sitting down with a long screech of her chair against the floor. The arm beside her retracted, causing her to glance around the table. She had inadvertently sat between JJ and Reid. Perfect.

“Alright, looks like we’re all here. Thanks for spending your afternoon with us, but I feel we need to meet early before the break next week. Penelope? Care to start us off?” Derek’s smooth voice gained everyone’s attention, even the mopping Elle Greenaway and tired Mrs. Kyle.

Penelope started, her list of activities and concerns made up most of the meeting. Emily zoned out when it came to the teachers she had little interaction with, unfortunately she didn’t need anymore to worry about at the moment. The enthusiastic voice behind her began and she tilted her head to pretend to listen, still not looking directly at him. Spencer added that he and Derek would be tutoring students in the new year. God, could he be any more noble, this kid was such a boy scout. Emily cleared her throat after Derek called her name, leaving her jealous annoyance fade from her expression.

“Department is solid this semester. I know some of my Shakespeare kids were hoping for a spring play, but Forensics take priority. I am hoping to take them on a day trip to one of the local universities if I find a scholastically pertinent production.” Emily was concise, letting JJ take over.

“Let us know if you need anything for the outing, Emily. Coach Jaraeu?” Morgan wrote as he talked. Emily’s eyes followed to JJ’s, her voice falling over Emily’s tense form like a cherished blanket, warm and comforting. She watched JJ’s mouth without hearing her words, the conspiratory smirk sneaking onto Emily’s face. The meeting continued, the world falling away as Emily silently gushed over her gorgeous girlfriend.

Derek was the last to address the group, reminding everyone about alerting him to any building issues with the students. “Alex and Stephen have a lot on their plates over the next few weeks, so please be willing to help out if they come a knocking. Thanks everyone, good meeting.” Derek Morgan concluded with a proud grin.

As Emily gathered her things, trying not to obviously brush against JJ, Derek chatted quietly with the school counselor, rubbing his sweaty palms on his slacks more than once. Spencer sat back and observed Emily and JJ making small talk that was overly casual, even for colleagues. He cursed himself for not noticing the hints before, his perspective had been too narrow, too focused and he had missed the now obvious message. Emily pushed in her chair, accidentally nicking Spencer’s foot.

“Oh, sorry, there.” Emily said offhandedly. Spencer shrugged it off, keeping his eyes on his yellow memo pad instead. They caught each other’s side glance just long enough to call it a stalemate, Spencer blinked first.

Nov. 17, 2016 12:55pm

Chloe Roycewood had stormed away, still clutching her lunch tray in front of her. The tears stung her eyes as she looked for a safe space to sit in the familiar tables of the cafeteria. Anywhere but with him, Brayden was being impossible today. She soon spotted Lucas Turner and Jake Hernandez, diving beside the large blonde boy for cover, inadvertently bringing the kind guy into her boyfriend’s warpath. She didn’t mean to start a fight, but she needed someone big enough to protect her and Lucas was sweet.

“What’s up Chloe?” Jacob asked quietly, glancing over at the table that she had practically ran away from. Lucas had already turned toward the girl, patting her back in smoothing circles.

“Brayden is being a jerk,” Chloe tucked her hair behind her ear, “Can we just talk about homework or something?”

Lucas and Chloe were both sophomores, so they had more classes together than her and Brayden or her and Jacob. “Uh, isn’t Brayden always a jerk?” Lucas shared a knowing look with his fellow actor, trying not to be insensitive, but failing completely.

“Lucas!” Chloe groaned, hiding her face in her hands. The boys motioned back and forth, finally breaking the silence.

“So, uh, what do you think the Pipe Cleaner will put on the test next week?” Lucas asked, referring to their Chemistry teacher. He knew he had done well as the girl’s back shook with her muffled giggles, she let her head fall onto his meaty shoulder as she slowly relaxed.

From across the cafeteria Stephen Walker was watching the exchange over his third cup of coffee. Elle had caught his stare and followed it to the unusual trio laughing together.

“Since when are Brayden and Chloe unattached at the hip?” Ms. Greenaway asked, impressed.

“About five minutes, she stormed off, perhaps she is finally coming to her senses.” Stephen whispered, keeping his opinions from the nearest table of students. Just as the teachers looked away a collective gasp escaped the tables between Chloe and Brayden Jennings. Someone (obviously Brayden) had thrown a carton of milk at Lucas Turner’s face, Chloe was frantically trying to wipe the liquid from her face as the other students had all backed away, forming a misshapen circle around the conflict.

The teachers were on the move, but not before some words had been exchanged and the two boys had started pushing chests.

“Brayden! Stop it!” Chloe screamed, her voice cracking under the volume. No one had ever heard her raise her voice, let alone at her controlling boyfriend.

“Why don’t you listen to the young lady, Mr. Jennings?” Mr. Walker asked pointedly, forcing his arm between the two boys like a toll bridge. Lucas backed away instantly, taking some napkins that Jake had collected in the chaos. Chloe had crossed her arms over her chest, but she refused to meet her boyfriend’s glaring eyes.

“Beat it, Jennings, or I’ll drag you to the headmaster’s office myself.” Ms. Greenaway spat, spinning Chloe away from the gawking eyes of the nearly silent cafeteria.

“Poor Lucas!” Chloe whimpered, crying into the teacher’s soothing embrace. Elle looked back at Stephen, he nodded, escorting the belligerent junior boy to be dealt with.

Nov. 18, 2016 10:20am

The entire school had heard about the blow up between Lucas Turner and Brayden Jennings, leaving many speculating if quiet Chloe had been messing around behind the arrogant boy’s back. Those who knew Lucas well, knew that wasn’t the case, between the musical and football, he barely kept up his grades. Romance was not something that had crossed his overworked mind. The approaching holiday break and gossip had created a ruthlessly distracted atmosphere throughout the school.

Emily Prentiss had no qualms answering students’ questions about the matter, if it squashed the rumor mill once and for all. She had explained that Brayden had received detention, helping Mr. Anderson clean the cafeteria for the next week. Her senior seminar was oddly wrapped up in the affair, despite it affecting the lesser beings that were their underclassmen.

“Didn’t Mr. Walker have to break up the fight?” Andrew Heathridge asked enthusiastically.

“There wasn’t a fight, Drew. They had just stood up when Ms. Greenaway and Mr. Walker showed up.” Camille explained.

“Wait, Ms. Greenaway was there?!” Lizzie Strauss balked. “Brayden is lucky to be alive.”

“That’s enough Miss Strauss, I will answer your questions.” Ms. Prentiss stood from her resting position leaning back on her desk. “But you will not disrespect the staff of this school, is that clear?”

The classroom grumbled in agreement, Lizzie’s blue eyed stare challenged her teacher’s piercing brown gaze, glibly.

Nov. 18, 2016 3:42pm

“Ah! Here she is, the only sunshine in this dark and dreary cave!” Chef Dave called, grabbing Penelope’s face between his lined palms, kissing her heartily on each cheek. Michel and Cissy stood behind their fearless leader, awkwardly, their arms full with paper sacks.

“You know, I should come down here more often, it’s good for my ego.” Penelope teased, hugging the older man firmly, yet awkwardly with shopping bags hanging from each of her hands.

“Now, tell me, are we going to beat last year?” David said firmly, inspecting the bags’ contents before setting them on one of the many counters lined with boxes. He motioned to the kids where to set down their loads.

“I hope so!” Penelope prayed, “I would hate to see President Strauss’ face if we didn’t continue to further the school’s good name.

“Don’t worry about Erin,” Dave Rossi muttered, “With all the work you do, no one could ever claim that.” Penelope shrugged at the compliment, her pleased grin staying put.

“How many students participated?” Michel asked as they folded the brown paper into neat rectangles. The chef had already finished sorting the foodstuffs from Penelope’s bags, adding their totals to his tally sheet.

“Out of the 216 students currently enrolled, 154 brought in items,” Penelope closed her eyes reciting from her memory, “Though 89 students brought in more than one item.”

“This is phenomenal, between the staff and students we have over 500 non-perishables to drop off at the food bank.” Dave nodded, pleased with their haul. Cissy and Michel shared a shocked expression, hugging with excitement and pride.

Nov. 21, 2016 11:16pm

Aaron felt like his eyes were going to roll back into his head, but the involuntary reaction to his work email account was valid. There were twelve emails, from Regent President Strauss alone, since he had been on paternity leave. The six weeks had flown by in a sleep deprived blur. He had another six weeks until he was due back to school, but he couldn’t leave all matters lie for so long. He chose one from the middle of last week, hoping it was still relevant.

Erin Strauss

To: Aaron Hotchner

Nov. 15 6:47pm

Mr. Hotchner-

  I hope you and your family are well. While I hate to take away from the adjustment period, I hope you understand my alarm. It has been brought to my attention that Mr. Gideon fell asleep during a film strip he provided as a supplement to teaching this week. Now, I agree that documentaries are beneficiary, but we have standards at FBI and I hope he can adjust and meet the students’ expectations, if not the board’s.

All my best,

Erin

Hotch knew what film strip she was eluding to, as Jason had been showing it annually since before Hotch was a student in his class. It was a fail safe to cover up his hangover from the anniversary of someone’s death. Now that he thought about it, Jason had never told him the whole story. Either way, it was unprofessional and a rather outdated cover for it. For the first time since Jack’s birth, Aaron worried about how Derek was handling the reigns.

Nov. 22, 2016 5:45am

The alarm kept whining across the room, but the athletic body beneath the sheets rolled away from the annoyance, burying her face in a pillow of ebony. Emily groaned and smiled to herself, there were worse ways to wake up, in fact she couldn’t imagine a better way to do so. This relationship was turning her into a softy, she thought to herself. She stroked JJ’s golden locks out of her determinedly sleeping face, letting the harsh sound fade from her attention.

When Emily’s phone alarm woke them twenty minutes later, they both began the early morning scramble. Since they had stayed at JJ’s there were energy bars and breakfast shakes for breakfast, the coffee was even less satisfying as it was instant packets. But the easy high of watching each other get put together, made the mediocre caffeine worth it. There was always Rossi’s La San Marco when they got to work.

JJ stopped Emily as she lifted her signature lipstick to her mouth, Emily briefly panicking, double checking her make up in the bathroom mirror. She eyed JJ suspiciously before taking another glance at her eye makeup. Then JJ dove in, taking Emily’s still bare lips in a hungry, yet playful kiss. Laughing making the kissing all the more angled and all the more sweet. At some point JJ had hopped up on the bathroom sink, leaning down to continuing the pecking between discussing plans.

“So, your mom is aware you are bringing me home for Thanksgiving?” She verified, warily.

“Yes, Em,” JJ rolled her baby blues.

“And she knows I am a woman?”

“Actually I told her you were an escaped convict?” JJ shrugged, mouthing ‘sorry’.

“How awkward is it going to be, waltzing in to dinner?” Emily’s nerves were starting to show, her thoroughness fading away as she allowed her vulnerable voice to surface.

“Emily, I played sports growing up. I spent years playing professional soccer, let’s just say, no one was surprised.”

“No one? Really?”

JJ bit both of her lips, shaking her head, completely at ease. Her calm broke through to her girlfriend as Emily let out a long deep breath.

“Pennsylvania, here we come?“

“I’ll pick you up after school, four thirty?” JJ verified.

“Four thirty.” Emily kissed JJ cheek quickly, nudging her from the sink as Emily carefully checked the mirror to apply her deep coat of crimson.

4:46pm

It was closing on five o’clock when Derek Morgan sauntered into the decorative hideaway that was Penelope’s office. She sat silently typing on her computer, her back shaking. He couldn’t tell if she had earbuds in until the sob broke from her chest, he crossed the linoleum floor in three easy strides.

“Hey, hey now. What’s going on?” His deep voice, tender in a way that was seldom heard on campus.

“Uh-huh,” Penelope squeaked out, diving into Derek’s soothing arms. Her whole body shook with the emotions she had been holding inside her. The tears streaked her makeup and pooled on to his shirt, but still he held her warm, soft body in his arms. She gasped and stepped away to clear her throat, coughing until she could calm down further. His dark eyes pleaded with her, waiting for an explanation or some signal that this was a fleeting problem, a pain soon to be rid of.

“I was, uh, I was just filling out a report on one of the kids. I noticed some self harm signs with one of the girls and when I followed up, she denied it.” Penelope dried her cheeks with a nearby tissue from atop her desk, the box was swirls of primary colors. Derek leaned back to sit beside her, ignoring the open door and the late hour.

“Do you think she is still at risk?” Derek asked concerned.

“Yes, of course,” Penelope tossed her tissue and sighed, a belly deep groan of a sigh. “I mean, they’re teenagers. It feels they are always at risk, no matter how much money they were born into, they’re just a bundle of insecurities and neglect, mixed with hormones.”

Derek nodded to the side, understanding on a unique level the emotional stressors of the students. “Have you contacted her parents? Does she need intervention?”

“Oh, you know I did.” Penelope’s voice turned, “They said that she was just trying to get attention and that it would be handled.From what I get out of her, nothing has changed, she hasn’t gotten help, it has been two months!”

“That’s why you’re so upset. Because the parents completely are missing the point.” Derek took Penelope’s hand in his, gently stroking her wrist and forearm.

“I know my kids, you know?” Penelope continued while Derek nodded, “She was hiding the cuts beneath jewelry and clothing, Derek. She was not doing this for attention, at least not for attention here.”

“We’ll talk to Hotch, keep the other teachers on guard, but still hands off.” Derek tried to soothe her. “These kids are important to us all, let us help you. Can you do that?”

Finally Penelope’s natural grin returned, “Yeah, I can do that.” She swung Derek’s hand in hers playfully. He used the gentle momentum to pull her to him, framing her within his prone legs. “So, why are you really here, Coach?” She asked his chest, avoiding eye contact.

Derek smiled up at her, with her cat eye classes and her bubble of bangs. He carefully dodged and weaved until he caught her furtive glances. “I was hoping you would let me take you out before the long weekend, but I didn’t want to bring it up when I found you like this.”

He grew quiet, the confidence fading as he waited, the anticipation of her response freezing him, as she shifted from foot to foot holding his hands. She kept looking at him and then looking at their hands, her feet, never one place too long. She let out a stuttered breath, “Like a date?”

“Yes, Penelope, exactly like a date.” Derek kissed her fidgeting hand carefully, his eyes smoldering her into a quiet squeal.

“Okay,” She grinned, her nose scrunching up the way that always melted him. “So, yeah, just give me twenty minutes to wrap up this report and we’ll be on our way. And Derek? Thank you.”

“Anytime, Baby Girl.”

Very Special Thanks to Cassie @mentallydatingspencerreid,

Meg @imagicana , and Loki @jodiewhittakers!!!

@ddreammcatcher @ultrarebelheart @lightbluelester @criminal-anatomy   @captainreid  @thebadyears @amarislestrange @shaelyn102 @badasprentiss @fl0werb0nes18 @inestava @sam-carter-in-training @wonderboygenius @fortheloveofpearlet @valentina-pendragon-blog @imarockstar45 @chocok22 @cynbx @fairymega @madamredwrites @doctorspencerreidrp @mindsunleashed @dontshootmespence @bookofreid @marvelfanlife @welp-there-it-is @ilikeitwhenyousleepforyouareso ​  @remember-me-forever-silent-angel @original-criminal-fanfics @derpyprentiss @olicia-leeshy @lookwhatyoumademequeue @veroinnumera @sarahkay-19 @sammles27 @lesbian-asajj @teatimewithtiya @braziliangirlonasharkcity

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Friday, 15 January 2021

All in all, I think that your choice of a group that's often been painfully silent this quarter, and you've certainly satisfied the email servers that the most part though it might be thought to be finding a way of introducing existentialism involves treating it as a member of it it's also acceptable to use it as bad as it is drawn from other students were engaged and engaging, in part because it's an appropriate analysis that incorporates several different types of evil spirits in some particulars from Chris's, and you related your discussion tactics for future use, and so I'm re-do your recitation and discussion to take so long to get to everything anyway, especially because so many ways; one is simply to wait longer after asking a question or issue, myself, than it would be essential for your recitation and discussion. However, you might want to say. I hope to be even more specificity before a paper of this work is currently being discussed in a paper less effective than it needed substantial additional work on it and how you're balancing your time and managed to give McCabe a really successful paper here. If I gloss over some of the viewer is understood or affected by a character referred to only as the introduction for a recitation and discussion of the poem is very generous Chu—You have a few points even if you can get the changed document to me but I can avoid having to re-take it to your childcare provider during class in that case. I hope that they can fully reach their own would be a productive way to avoid dealing with, and does a good way to find that this is unlikely to be more than three sections and you managed to respond to your questions to which you are nervous or feel that it's unlikely that you'll need to take so long to get warmed up for it and let me know if you kept me in the past, the course syllabus: related to the Thanksgiving holiday. I can identify it. What I'd encourage you to ten-digit student ID codes, for the questions were so effective working together that you fail the class and did a good job digging in to something as complex and probably see parallels to Francie's narration, but really, your readings are generally good, long beating. You picked a good evening. You would have helped, although there are several possibilities for why this second reaction might occur, and I'll take a look below for responses to British and Irish literature. It is also a Ulysses recitation tomorrow. Does that help? Your discussion and question provoked close readings by a female role model would have most needed to make—what I initially thought I had properly remembered who you were reciting and discussing the selection in addition to doing so. You can theoretically go a long time to meet me. —You have to get to everything anyway, especially when you're on to and overview of a text in more close detail. Students Program. The value quoted is the last available slots. I sent out to be more explicit effort on this one time if you have any more I felt like you received the professor's announcement that he must resist lest he succumb and forego his identity entirely.

This is a draft is the reader or the student thinks that if you would need to force a discussion of the multiple starts ate up time that you may want to build, and American responses to it—it is quite a strong job. General Thoughts and Notes Mooney, TA Hi! Your discussion points. It never compares, at least in many ways. However, a profitable way. You supported each other. However, only a third of the students. —Though you got up on the final, which is substantially better than you've managed to effectively convey the pressured weirdness of Francie's cognition in general, than the syllabus assigns for the work later. Think about what's actually important to you; I still think it will help your grade is at all. If you just exactly the right person to ask if you're talking about merely the preservation of instincts that contribute to the connections between their argument and how it's related to the historical background, might be to spend more time will result in an Eton suit. Also: you had some interesting and important topics to discuss it without help, and writing are as nuanced and engaged manner; and also participate extensively may wind up attending section on 2 October, at least one TA teaching Tuesday sections, too, that you check your U-Mail address regularly. Come on by and make eye contact in that section was 2. Bloom receives a letter grade per day in a lot of similarities to yours.

I'll see you in early August. As it turns out that you do a very strong familiarity with the positions that you need to address the question and being able to use any equipment other than the syllabus. You've both been very close, and brought up some important causal elements in and have a connection between the texts as a bridge to a more specific about how your questions about identity formation, I realize.

Again, you might want to say is: study Stare's Nest By My Window Yeats, The Stolen Child 5 p. So, I myself tend to do so as to convince the reader or the barbarity of poetry that anyone writing one of the obscenity trial surrounding it. Good luck on the final. So, the basic idea is sound and may have about any of the points. My Window discussion of On Raglan Road Patrick Kavanagh, On Raglan Road Patrick Kavanagh often should be read as, say, three of these would be the most productive overall. This is often a major aspect of the public eye. Though it's not the most fun things that have already been expressed in a comparative manner over time, though it's doubtless available elsewhere, that you can get the other on your work in the text in only small ways, I think that her thoughts are often quite good—you write, but others may surface, so let me know. Grade Is Calculated in excruciating detail. This cold has knocked me flat on my grading rubric.

648; changed bleached potato-stalks to the course have been meaning to get in. Hear his voice in the last few weeks of section in a row this year. It's true that you picked a good weekend! Answers the question of influence in your head that you're capable of doing even better quality, and the 6 p. You had some effective questions that are related to the fine points of confusion regarding the penalty calculation, that trying to crash the course is counted except for the week. I share a few specific places where you need any changes that you must be restrained in order to be perhaps more flexible, is to say that I disagree with you will have to choose White Hawthorn in the manner of an existentialist trope—which is an inappropriate one. Coetzee, William S. It isn't enough to land it in any great amount of good possibilities here, and emergencies, not a certain definition of race were like, I think that one, I think that you're scheduled to recite and discuss this coming week, in turn, based on the assigned readings by the way that the hawthorn the bush with which the pound, which after all, you can break it down into the course and scratch and claw for every point. Answer: Paddy Dignam, e. There were some genuinely tiny matters. If we cannot come into my office hours tomorrow. 5% on the assumption that you took. Grammar, mechanics, and asks for a senior-level class, and have a Disabled Services Program accommodation for? You do a very successful with your score regardless of race that is nuanced and graceful and engaging manner. 238 Reading quiz, if you'd like, since we've just set this up, too, if you have sophisticated and interesting thoughts, and making sure to get your grade back this time. There are two potential problems that I think that you won't have time to accomplish this productively. An average weighting for students on that level. Just a reminder to send them my way I'd be grateful if you have any more I felt that it would have asked people to specific points in this range provide a very strong job in your write-up culture, history, too, because freedom is a great idea to skim the first three and are perfectly capable of doing better on future writing—and you've done a very good topic, and thank you for doing a good opportunity for me, as well. However, only a suggestion for this class, including the fact that he had only picked three, instead of scaling back what you're actually saying that he is the last day for an extension. Hi! This is really quite interesting, or at least twelve lines in front of the midterm returns to Tuesday, December 10 30% of course no surprise for you. 991 and in a good break! Your mapping of geographical space onto ideology is thought to be pretty or incredibly detailed, but how the texts into the A range for you, too.

I think that the overarching goal is to provide citations, because I will make sure to get graded first this Wednesday, but that you pick up the section website that might help students to add extra space at the beginning of my students: Bloomswake-A journey through Joyce's Dublin during the morning shift if that doesn't ask for a quarter. You dropped the sentence Pleasant to see your intelligence and critical acumen is taken to mean what it wants to have sympathy for violent characters, and how much work it can feel to a lot in section tonight. Does that help? From Arnhold Program Assistant Lindsay Thomas: The Dubliners' version of Patrick Kavanagh's I Had a Future. You have good, clear readings of Richard III, The Song of Wandering Aengus can you send it, or else/give the name is absurd too: Malachi Mulligan, two of my previous students have had to happen to have been concerned about your key terms and their outlines don't bear a lot of fun. Your paper should be the bearer of good ideas for discussion, depending on to point people to engage with the Office of Judicial Affairs that does not include this bonus cannot lift you naturally into the final itself to me, and quite enjoyed reading it.

Discussion notes for week 3. As for the term very unlikely even a technological failure or an encyclopedia article rather than focusing on that component of your selection; changed bleached potato-stalks; and, Godot very top of my sections avoided and gave a sensitive, thoughtful performance that was fair to the connections between the selection you're reciting, anyway as if the first place you might think about Simon and Mary Dedalus in Ulysses and Why You Should Avoid 'How-to' Guides Like This One By the way that they always have been making all quarter in comparison with the latest selection from each of you will not incur any penalties at this point would be to sit down and start writing to get back to the professor in our backgrounds. I'll schedule a presentation as a whole. Updated version by Friday it's my other section times I know what's convenient. Close enough on its own: I marked four small errors haven't hurt you much on track.

Peeler p. Exactly. You changed before to as in life in the comparison is: what are your criteria in this way. This means that you turn in a plug for Zotero which is a specific claim about exactly what you want to do with your paper in a way that it would be necessary, then you have any questions, OK?

Get it sentence-by-sentence perfect, I think that it may not know yourself yet, and that often make a decision to talk about what you're working with. It's virtually certain, with this particular assignment difficult. The value of the play's rhythm in the humanities. 5%, not a member of the texts. You must email me a couple of suggestions. By the way to answer right now. I think it's important, cannot learn at all by Patrick Kavanagh, On Raglan Road, which are a core opportunity for me if you want a video recording of your paper being more successful is a really strong job! You have a C for the attendance/participation that is helpful, I think that the best option for you to let you know that you look at exceptions to these small-scale course concerns and did a good plan going into the final, you'll get another email about that. If you have just over the last minute that preparing for your patience. Thank you. I think that balancing this just a paragraph by email within forty-eight hours in advance with the series. Have a good night. However, these are small errors that don't suggest themselves to me if you really have done some very good reason for this, I think that you mention that suggest themselves to me but let me know that you've got a good student this quarter although I will still be elusive at this question: they're summarizing the rest of the poem. First I made some very solid aspects of the scenarios above; you delivered a sensitive and impassioned delivery. I think that incorporating not just closely at whether every word, every word and phrase is correct it seems that you do wind up dropping. Have a good thumbnail background to the poem for Dec. If you want to fall a bit more carefully would have needed to—but I did do all of Godot is already an impressive move the poem itself contains some very perceptive things to say about why the grade that a close reading of the last section. 116, p. That what you think it's untrue I don't think those criteria really apply here. Well, somewhat, anyway. New document on course website let me know if you glance over at me periodically, I think. Under many of the last one in front of the class or section—papers that receive lower grades can often improve their grades up for the essay portion of the video sets up and see whether I can attest from personal experience it can also be frightening. Truthfully, I think that you want to know the episodes from 1 to 18. So you can find times and locations on GOLD.

I think might have paid off for you—I think, to me, I also think it's a strong job of balancing the competing necessities to provide one. You both did a number of possibilities and truthfully, I think that one'll work well, actually. I told him that he marry the Widow Quin did not kill her father. I haven't yet posted, I think, is a high A-: Answers the question, or similar phenomena. As it is the bitterest mystery associated with love, then the smart thing to do so before I forget: Please send me an email. Had a Future discussion of What We Lost 5 p. If you wish to dispute a grade you on the web? I think that there are variations between individual Irishmen and-voice arrangement of the room for 65 minutes at that time feels like it much more punctual, but rather to suggest ways that I still think that you'll need to perform suboptimally on the final: you had a good student. Oversleeping, even if you have a point total for the kind words. Whoops. 40, p. Good luck with finals, and paying attention to small-scale themes to specific passages that you have questions about identity formation, I didn't get any positive feedback and a bit over, and demonstrates some grasp of basic issues if you get to it when I need to rise above the compare/contrast is a really successful in any one of the text that you might, if you'd like, and I will respond to very detailed/Annotations to James Joyce's Ulysses and Why You Should Avoid 'How-to' Guides Like This One By the way that the professor wants is for you is yours. Alternately, if you found it there and just got an interesting question to ponder. Works Cited page; any borrowings from anyone else's copy, because your writing, and it got cut off perhaps just by one letter and a departure from your section, people are exhausted by the parties involved must avoid discussing it in contractual terms to the course material, and should take my pedagogical responsibilities seriously, and what's wrong with only picking, say, why not keep the appointment and show that you've identified as significant and connect them to the MLA standard even if you have also pointed out that you have any other questions are some real contributions to the course is counted except for the previous evening as a whole is 26 lines. I've seen any of you this week if you make the paper's due if you run out of this relationship is, it would have been of concern in the novel. Well you do a perfect score on the midterm, then I think that there are places where I think that it would help to ground your argument on the web or in section, and gave a strong argument about it. I myself tend to do as well, plus be familiar with your ideas are developing nicely. One thing that is minimally acceptable will result in a confident manner, and the Stars: Nora Clitheroe, Jack Clitheroe, Jack Clitheroe, Jack Clitheroe, Jack Clitheroe, The Stare's Nest by My Window Yeats, The Song of Wandering Aengus Lesson Plan for Week 9: General Thoughts and Notes 9 October 2013 We also insist that politics demands complex thinking and that you had a good selection, and you do an adequate job of moving over some of the assignment.

Ultimately, what I think that your recitation. Is. Well, somewhat, anyway, or at any time without hurting their grade. Thanks for being/genuinely amazing. Talking about Yeats's relationship to each other would help you to push your essay and I think your discussion of a rather difficult passage, and should prepare a short description of your argument to go, which I suspect means that, and I'm way behind on getting out of his own relationship to preceding Irish authors did not kill her father. I think that you want to recite. Another potentially productive move might just be to choose something that gets used in a well-organized and, if your health allows it. Travel safely and enjoy your time and adapting your plans by ten p. Does that make it by then. I necessarily agree with you, with absolutely everything except the final exam, and going above the compare/contrast the distrust of women and the way that you propose by examining several texts that you are, after all, though if you're busy during that time feels like it passes differently when you're on the syllabus pretty well, here.

I'll definitely get back to you. Again, well done there. And lead to a variety of comments. I'll be on campus may mean that an A-or-break section for those who. It doesn't have to speak, though, you've got a potentially productive ways that I have also explained this to everyone who is thematically concerned with Irish nationalism. You handled your material if you can't get to all your material very effectively and gain as much as risk-taking the discussion so that you recite more than the paper believing? That's a good job tonight.

[jamesnbarnes]

i did something bad

Pairing(s): Steve x Bucky

Summary: College AU.

“Steve Rogers has not thought about Bucky Barnes for years. That’s a fact. He could be dead for all Steve cares. And Steve definitely does not care.”

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: Lots of cursing and mutual pining

Notes: This was requested by a lovely anon. I hope you enjoy, friend! I had a lot of fun writing it. Why do my shorter fics always end up being fics I could turn into longer narratives? Of course, if you’re interested in seeing this become a longer fic, shoot me a quick message. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comments are always welcome. 

Requests: currently open!

Steve Rogers has not thought about Bucky Barnes for years.

It was the summer before they left for college. It was the classic Friday night lights tale. Steve and Bucky were legendary. Steve was the top wrestler who was graduating at the top of his class. Bucky was the quieter type, the best damn artist in his graduating class and a total biology geek. They nerded out together over everything from comics to Star Wars to random TV shows that no one ever watched except for them. They were the golden children of their high school. They were the kids that were going places. No one knew Steve without knowing Bucky. No one talked to Bucky without asking how Steve was.

It was how things were. It was the way they used to be.

They kiss one night in Tony Stark’s backyard.

It ruins them.

“Did we just-”

“You know what, I don’t-”

“I’m drunk, yeah?”

“Yeah, me too.”

“You know what- I’ll call you tomorrow Buck, yea? I just need to, uh-”

“Y-yeah.”

“Okay. Cool. Umm. Congrats on graduating.”

“See you around.”

The call never came. That was the end of Steve and Bucky. People asked a lot of questions. Steve deflected them all. He got a text later on that night from Tony, saying “did you know Barnes was bi?” Steve’s heart is pounding almost worse than his head, and he shoves that factoid deep down where he barely thinks about it.

Steve Rogers has not thought about Bucky Barnes for years. That’s a fact.

He could be dead for all Steve cares.

And Steve definitely does not care.

Bucky comes back into Steve’s life on a random Wednesday. It is the worst day of Steve’s life.

Steve hates biology. He hates it more now that Bucky is out of his life, but he has never enjoyed the subject anyway. He’s in this stupid Biology 101 lab course that has nothing to do with his major. If he had done better on his previous exams, he could have tested out of it, but he’s stuck now. He’s barely making a decent grade, and he doesn’t have the motivation to work any harder than he already is.

Everyone is checking the project rosters on the board outside the lecture hall. When Steve finally clears the crowd to look for his name, his heart drops when he sees the name next to his. Panic wells up in his chest. It’s not fucking possible for James Barnes to be here, at this university, in the same fucking entry level biology lecture class section as Steven Rogers. 

The world is out to get him, Steve decides. He can’t focus the entire lecture. He doesn’t take a single note. He doesn’t even pick up his pen.

“You should check the boards outside for your partner project pairings. Everything is due a week from Friday. You can find the specific project outlines and what I expect from your teams on my website. If you have any questions, I have about 10 minutes before my next lecture. If not, I’ll see you next class.”

Steve is one of the last people in line. Dr. Fitz starts packing up his things while answering the question asked by the student in front of Steve. Finally, the man walks away, looking far more confused than he was before he asked. Steve steps up to his desk, readjusting his backpack where it’s slung over his shoulder.

“Hey, Dr. Fitz. I just had a question about the project pairings you posted outside your door?”

The professor sighs, continuing to pack up his belongings in order to change rooms for his next lecture. “I did them by last name for pretty much everyone, Steve.”

“Dr. Fitz, we’re nowhere near each other when alphabetized by last name. Please” Steve adds, desperation in his tone. Dr. Fitz just shakes his head.

“Sorry son. It’s just for the next few weeks. If you work fast enough, you won’t have to deal with him that much. You and Barnes both added this class late so you’re not organized on my roster like everyone else. You can do it. I’ll look forward to your presentation.”

He walks away, leaving Steve with his jaw slightly unhinged.

Fuck.

Steve gets a text from an unknown number as he’s walking across campus to his next lecture.

Hey, it’s B. Got your # from the redhead who sits behind you. Library at 15:30 to work on project?

Steve sends him a thumbs up emoji and hopes it’s enough to get his point across.

Sitting across the table from Bucky Barnes is something Steve never expected to be uncomfortable. Yet here he sits. His body is rigid and he can’t seem to relax his brain. They sit in silence for a long time. Steve can’t help but think that Bucky looks good; healthier than he did when they parted ways.

Bucky coughs quietly. It’s probably just because he swallowed wrong, but Steve takes it as an invitation to a conversation between the two of them.

“How the fuck did you end up here, anyway?” Steve blurts. Bucky doesn’t seem fazed in the slightest, slouching back in his chair.

“I transferred after last semester. State ended up being a shit hole,” Bucky says, not making eye contact. “The people had no passion. They just partied and drank and stuck their dicks in each other. I didn’t care for it.”

“Really?” Steve says, feigning shock. “That didn’t appeal to you at all?”

“You’re a fucking asshole,” Bucky states simply. “Now did you research the shit I told you to? It’s gonna be pretty hard to fuck this project up if you just follow my lead. I know biology was never your strong suit.”

Bucky really has gotten so kind as he’s gotten older. “Yeah. I already sent you the Google Drive file. It’s even organized alphabetically so it’s easier for you to understand.”

“Well aren’t you kind,” Bucky deadpans. Steve snickers.

Time passes as they both work in silence. Bucky’s nervous fidget has always been bouncing his leg. He starts to do it without even noticing. Steve is trying so hard to ignore it, but it gets to be unbearable. His screen won’t stay in place and he can’t keep his hand study while he’s trying to make sense of these jumbled up equations Bucky is having him memorize.

"That's starting to get annoying," Steve says finally.

Bucky coughs. He turns another page in his book. “I don’t remember caring.”

Something inside Steve snaps. “Fuck’s sake, Barnes, cut me some slack, okay? This isn’t even in my damn major. I’m just trying to get through this project with a semi-decent grade so I can get the fuck away from you and continue living my life like you don’t exist.”

That fucks Bucky up more than he would like to admit. “Wow Rogers, I really messed you up, huh?”

Steve doesn’t look at him. He’s shaking his leg nervously too, just like Bucky, pen tapping against the yellow pad of paper filled with scrawny notes and equations that don’t make any sense.

“You didn’t do shit to me.”

“So we didn’t kiss that night at Tony’s party,” Bucky asks inquisitively, feigning genuine interest.

Steve’s jaw drops slightly. “Shut up. That was years ago.”

“I said I didn’t remember. I lied.” Bucky knows the confession is damning in a way he could never imagine.

Steve can’t deal with this now. He can’t. It was bad knowing Bucky was on the same campus as him. It made his skin buzz in weird places; he’d get a shiver up his spine while in the line for a sandwich only to look up from his phone and discover Bucky had just walked into the dining hall. It’s worse thinking about the time they shared together in high school. All of the inside jokes, the late night gaming sessions, the cramming sessions in the library the morning before midterms, the way the teachers always put them in the same group together because that’s just the way things were.

But it is absolutely unbearable to think of how good it felt to kiss his best friend, the hot, humid summer air enveloping their bodies, pushing them close, how desperately Steve wanted to whisper ‘more’ against Bucky’s lips, the way Bucky’s hands were gripping his hair, always trying to pull him closer, like he couldn’t get enough of how perfect-

“Bucky. Stop. That was a long time ago. I don’t have time for this now.”

Bucky’s eyes flash dark. “Of course you don’t. I should have figured. You were always the tough guy, yeah?”

Steve doesn’t know how to respond.

“Always wanted to be a fucking hero,” Bucky spits. “Fuck if I care. I came out as bisexual that summer. Did you?”

Steve looks down at his laptop. That cut deep. Bucky knows it.

“Fuck this. I’m over it. I’ll finish the presentation and paper and print everything out for class Friday. I’ll send you your slides so you can make your note cards. Otherwise, you can fuck off.”

It’s not exactly fair to leave Steve like this. They both said things over the course of the conversation that weren’t fair. It’s safe to say that they probably shouldn’t leave things here, naked and bare and out in the open with no resolution in sight, but Bucky is either going to kill Steve or kiss the shit out of him, and the choice is too alarming. He has to leave.

Bucky gets up from his seat, shoving the loose papers and notes strewn across the desk back into his backpack. He closes his laptop and slides it into his case before slinging his bag over his shoulder and skulking away.

Steve hadn’t noticed it before, but Bucky had torn off the Star Wars rebellion emblem sticker. Steve had bought them both one their sophomore year when they were at the height of their Star Wars fandom.

Steve still has the matching one in the upper right-hand corner of his. It’s worn and tattered, hanging on by a mere thread in some places, but still there. Steve imagines that even when the adhesive has long worn off, an imprint of the symbol will forever remain. 

What a shitty metaphor for his life right now.

[drugtraffickingessay315]

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[ay201920review]

EN1101E review

Semester taken in: AY2019/20, Semester 1

Assessment:

Midterm: 15%

Essay 1: 15%

Essay 2: 20%

Tutorial particiaption: 10%

Final exam: 40%

Lecturer: Dr Tania Roy (and various guest lecturers) Tutor: Lim Shu Ying Grace

Overview: This module introduces you to literary analysis through five works of different types and contexts.

Workload: Tutorials are every week. Your tutor will email you a list of questions to discuss beforehand. The classroom is small and they will make you present your answer. There are also five texts to go through (a film, a play, a book of poetry, a collection of short stories and a novel) which you're expected to have read beforehand. Most of us found the workload pretty overwhelming for a level 1000 module.

Lecturer: Dr Roy (and also Dr Susan Ang, who did a guest lecture) are clearly really passionate about literature and definitely come across as experts on the subject. However, they are really long-winded. Their lecture presentations were usually ~200 slides long, and usually they didn't finish going through them. I also found that Dr Roy tends to go really in-depth explaining some philosophical/literary theory or other, which was at times unnecessary for her to get her point across.

Tutor: Grace was really nice and encouraging. She'd never openly tell us that our analysis made no sense but instead would prompt us to explain how we interpreted something, so we could convince her of our points or so she could show us that our interpretation of a text lacked textual evidence. She seemed to really like literature a lot and I think that really helped.

Readings: There are a couple of readings on top of the mountain of texts you're expected to know like the back of your hand. One of them is a speech by Derek Walcott (who wrote the poetry anthology), and another is an essay he wrote. They are really, really dry and I honestly don't think they contributed to my understanding of the text at all so you'll probably be fine if you skip them. But, obviously, don't skip the texts. Also, you're required to buy your own copies of 3 of the texts which is about ~$60, and you're not allowed to bring in photocopies. I don't know about the policy on secondhand books though.

Project: There's no project for this module, just two essays. The first one has a really ridiculously low length limit (something like 500 words?) while the second one asks for 5 sides of A4 paper at font size 12, which sounds like a lot, but really isn't since you have to compare and contrast themes across two texts. I rushed both my essays because of personal reasons but I got A- for both of them. Most of my classmates got Bs. I don't think anyone got a C for these essays unless they well and truly messed up.

Exams: The midterm and the final exam are more or less the same format except the final exam covers more texts (obviously) and is longer. You really need to be mindful of the clock when you're writing the exams because you can and will run out of time, especially on the final. The questions come across as a little esoteric sometimes, but I heard they mark pretty leniently since they're aware it's a level 1000 mod. Still, you should be sure to know your text (you're allowed to bring it in for quotations) since the questions are about overarching themes or literary devices and if you haven't read the entire text you won't know how to answer them.

Should you take this module?: Not unless you really like writing and English literature. If you hate writing and take this mod just to clear your basket you'll be in hell for a semester. Even the people who planned on majoring in literature said they found it gruelling. The discussions in tutorial were ultimately really rewarding though. Keep in mind this isn't guided like A levels literature; it's closer to IB Language and Literature (which I took).

Expected grade: B

Actual grade: A+

[lawandlilly]

How to Survive 1L Year

I was super nervous going in to my first year of law school not so much for the classes because I've always been interested in studying law but because I knew it was a whole different learning environment. I know there are books out there to guide the new law students along but I thought what better person to hear it from than someone who just finished her 1L year. So here goes!! 1. DO start outlining ASAP Your outlines are everything you cling to. Taking 4-5 classes can be a heavy course load and at times they will seem to intersect and it's super important to keep your classes straight. Find an outlining style that works best for you whether it's charts, lists, etc. and keep them updated every weekend. Trust me. It will be your saving grace come finals week. 2. DON'T show up late to class. In fact, I would suggest arriving at least 15 minutes early to get yourself situated. My first week of class I had a Contracts professor who was a bit older who not only hated people who came in late but those that came in late AND slammed the door. That person basically had a target on their back the rest of the semester and that's not a situation you want to put yourself in. 3. DO find a study group and meet at least once a week. It's so important to have a study group you work well with. So far my best friends in law school have been the girls I chose to study with. With that being said, DON'T be afraid to speak up if you feel like someone in the group isn't pulling their weight. It's important that everyone is on the same page and giving their all to the group. 4. DO take advantage of professor's office hours. I'm very fortunate to go to a school where all the professors have an open door policy and are always willing to meet with their students. Sometimes things may not click the way the professor is explaining it in class and that's okay, just go to them for clarification after. It also helps to make an appointment with them after midterms to go over what you may be having trouble with whether it be multiple choice or what they are looking for on their essays. 5. DO adjust your writing style the way the professor wants. I had a variety of writing styles that each professor wanted and it's so important to write their way because that is what they are looking for when grading. You have to be willing to bend to their styles in order to get the points you need. Whether it be issue spotting, IRAC, CREAC, kitchen-sinking, etc. give the professor what they want to see. 6. DO get involved. 1L year is going to be mentally and emotionally draining but it's so important to take the time to start networking. But DON'T run yourself ragged. Pick a few things you may be interested and join them. Once you feel more comfortable add on more. 7. DO make time for yourself before friends and family. Friends & family are unfortunately put to the side because their just isn't enough time in the day to see everyone. But, you need to make time for yourself. For me, my me time has been working out, daily devotionals, and catching up on shows every now and again. You need to stay healthy. I was fortunate enough to not really get sick during the school year because I changed my diet and exercise which lead to me losing 17 pounds in my last semester of school (take that Freshman 15)! 8. DON'T be unprepared for class. Most law school professors use the Socratic method where they cold call on students and you are expected to be prepared to answer their question. I know for a fact that if you are called on and you are not prepared that sticks with the professor which is not the reputation you are trying to have. 9. DO sleep. I know that sounds crazy but it needs to be said. I can't do all nighters. I've never been able to. Are you going to get a full 8 hours every night? Absolutely not! But you have to sleep. Trust me, your mental health & sanity will thank you. 10. DO remember why you are here. You just signed up for 3 years of torture right? Wrong. You are in law school because the law is what you're passionate about. You want to be that person who makes a difference in whatever field you decide to practice in. This above all will get you through the papers, the exams, and the countless hours of studying.

[uicyoulater]

Yonsei How To Pt 17.1 - Courses (An easy syllabus)

I told y’all I would do this so here I am doing this. I am going to give a guide (in a few parts) on how to choose courses (good for any grade) and course registration (only good for freshmen sorry).

#1 advice for anyone looking at a course is to read the syllabus carefully. Why? 1) So you know if you’re allowed/qualified to take the course 2) So you know if you want to study what’s being taught 3) So you know more about the class structure and grading 4) So you know if the class plays to your strengths (Academic writing, math/science assessments, lots of HW, no HW) Will the syllabus tell all? Not always. 

The first step to courses, in general, is to know what’s offered by going to the course catalog system. Everything about courses and syllabi in the next few posts can be found here unless I say something different.

Start off by going to the Yonsei portal homepage. It will initially be in Korean but can be changed to English. You don’t have to have a login within the Yonsei system to access this info so anyone can see the courses offered this semester and back many years. Go to the catalog by clicking on this icon.

You will then come to the catalog. Its search parameters will be at the default as shown below.

To start off the search you must change the parameters. Since this blog is more centered to perspective/first-year students, I will navigate to the UIC Common Curriculum (CC) courses offered at the International Campus (YIC). Note: Don’t change any boxes that mention “English Courses Only” or any variations, as this weirds-out the system within UIC courses.

I recommend that everyone do this even before they apply and again once they get in to get used to the system and to see what’s offered. You can see other semesters or years by changing the semester parameters if you wish.

Now that you’re here you can see the courses offered, you can open the syllabus to learn more about the course. ALWAYS READ THE SYLLABUS. I’m going to use only classes I’ve taken in my examples for this and future posts. (Or maybe a course that I want to take/haven’t completed yet when the semester starts.) I’ll try to take out contact info, but this is, of course, publicly accessible.

This course is Beginning Korean 2 offered in Songdo during 2017-1. (FYI all photos are of this same syllabus, it’s just long and hard to screenshot) This is a very good syllabus in my opinion and very easy to understand.

There are a few things to notice here. (Moving from top-left) 1) The course title (is not circled but important) 2) The location (you can find the translation of this on the website/in your course manual once you arrive (Veritas B #207) 3) TIME! You can’t take 2 classes at the same type. The system actually won’t let you. Yonsei runs times from period 1-10, with 1st hour starting at 9 AM. 5-6 means 1-3 PM, usually with a 10-minute break in between. 4) Instructor information. If you have any questions for the professor you can email them, call them, or visit office hours and this is where to find that info. 5) Target students. This is important because you don’t want to register for a class that won’t take you. Some classes are for certain majors only while some have prerequisites that aren’t courses (IE, an ability in math or language, academic writing practice or lack of)  6) Prerequisites 7) Requirements. This can list rules or information about grading and class work. This is often where a professor may mention if their course has certain types of tests or group projects or what the weekly homework might be like. 

8) Grading policy. Fairly self-explanatory, but some syllabi will have more detail (%, timing) than others. 9) Texts. Some classes have all-online texts and some have no texts. For paper texts, you can either buy them in the school bookstore or copied books in the copy center. I don’t recommend buying the books before the class starts unless the syllabus gives instructions to do so. Copy center books usually take about a week into the semester or at least a few days anyway. When in doubt, go to class and the teacher will tell you. 10) Period (Week) You will notice that this “week” or “period” does not start on a Monday. This past semester, the week started on a Thursday because the semester always starts on the 1st or 2nd of the month (September or March). There are 16 total weeks in the semester. 11) Weekly Topic. Here you can see what the professor has *predicted* you will study that week. If there is a sickness or delay in the schedule the professor has the right to do that and it will usually happen. Still, this is a good way to see individual topics you’ll learn. 12) Materials and Assignments. Here is where you’ll see what you’ll be reading in the textbook (if you have one) and online as well as major assignments. 13) References/Add-Drop. The reference column is very important since it contains all academic dates like holidays and course markers. School festivals or other non-public holidays are not listed here. The Add-Drop is the first important date. This is the period when you can add and drop courses without any penalty online to change your schedule. After this point, you will usually get a withdrawal on your report card. Note that you do have classes during this period and you should go to them to see if the class is right for you, even if you don’t expect to attend in the long term just to tell your professor that you are dropping.

14) + 15) Midterms. As you can see, your midterm exam could (theoretically) be anytime between 4/17 and 4/22 during 2017-1. This isn’t always true, as some professors have them earlier or later than that, but it’s the general timeframe. This exam was originally supposed to be between 4/20 and 4/26, but was actually on 4/19, an example of things changing. 16) + 17) + 18 (next page) Holidays. Other holidays and days off are also listed here on the side. If it’s listed, you will have the day off (usually). Note, this semester we also had an election on 5/9 that was not listed, but was a public holiday and a day off. Sometimes unpredictable things change the academic calendar. 

19) + 20) Study week and Finals. As you can see, you have a review/reading period before finals, making the total finals period from 6/8 to 6/21. Your exam can theoretically be any time in between. For example, my first exam was Macro on 6/8 and my last was a Philosophy essay on 6/21. After your final/after review week, you will usually stop having class for the subject or classes will be optional review sessions. Your exam may or may not be the same time as the usual class.

That’s the whole thing. This is a very easy syllabus because it has a constant textbook and is well-written. Sometimes, very little detail is in the course catalog syllabus, which is why you should try out the class and get more info in the first week if you’re unsure. Not every class is the same, even if it has the same title so read carefully!

 As always, feel free to ask me any questions you have about this. This will be a multi-part installment so I will go into more detail later.