#and I have no way to track that either bc of stupid fucking reasons

[roylustang]

I hate money sooooo fucking much bro it’s not even real. It’s a piece of paper. Pieces of paper and numbers on a screen that dictate every aspect of your life. I’m gonna die.

[fardf150]

start school in a week im going to throw uppppp

[themultifanshipper]

“You utter cunt!”

“Fuck you!”

That was how karting usually ended when you two were involved. No matter where either of you started on the grid, you and Liam always found a way to crash into each other.

I blacked out, and an hour later this monstrosity was born! Hope you enjoy

Also I used alpha tauri bc i refuse to put Visa Cash Card Paypal App Racing Redbulls in my goddamm fics.

Warnings: gn!reader, rough sex, lots of swearing, rivals to lovers, daddy kink, corruption kink, smidge of angst, like 2 seconds of fluff before it descends into madness

“That was my line!”

“You call that a line? Ha! My blind grandmother can see that’s a shit line!”

And you were only thirteen then. Now you were both in formula 1. But unfortunately, the insults hadn’t matured, and neither had you.

“You absolute wankstain! What the fuck was that?!”

“That was me having to crash into my teammate! Because my teammate is a shit driver who doesn’t leave me any room, you fucking prick!”

“Oh, dear! Looks like the alpha tauri duo are having a trackside screaming match... again.”

Crofty sighed. At this point it was almost a weekly occurrence. You and Liam were bitter rivals on track and had been since you started karting all those years ago. It always ended in a screaming match that usually lasted well into the evening, and sometimes all the way up the corridors of your hotel rooms, and one time, it ended with Liam shoving you into your room and fucking you right there on the carpet.

That was one time. And you and Liam had never talked about it. The next day you’d bickered on the private jet, as per usual, and just like that it was forgotten.

Except it wasn’t, not really.

The problem was that Liam had unknowingly taken your virginity that night. And it was, by default, the best sex you had ever had. But your relationship stayed the same and the two of you never even acknowledged what happened. You weren’t obsessed with the concept of virginity either of course, it was what it was, and he was you first, whatever. But it would be nice if he stopped being such a huge prick, you know?

Then came the end of season celebrations in Abu Dhabi. You’d been drinking heavily to forget this nightmare of a season and the fact that you (just you, not Liam) had essentially been threatened to stop fighting next season or you would be out of a seat faster than you could say ‘hypocrisy’.

You tried your best to avoid him all evening. But he kept appearing in your line of sight, on the dancefloor, getting drinks at the bar, shuffling off to the toilets every now and then. You kept drinking so that your vision would hopefully go so blurry you wouldn’t be able to see him at all, but of course with those drinks came the need to pee.

So, there you were in one of the stalls thinking about the face of the man you were trying hard not to think about. Then, said man walked in, crossed the room and the sound of him undoing his zipper was heard.

You knew it was him from his stupid shoes that you recognised very well, as he had once thrown them at your head. That was an incident worthy of getting fired....

Anyway, for some obscure reason (about 7 tequila cocktails) you thought it was a great idea to voice that thought out loud.

“I never told you, but those are the ugliest shoes on the fucking planet”.

There was a pause as he zipped his fly back up.

“Jesus, are you stalking me now? The fuck are you doing in there?”

“Pissing, obviously”

Another pause.

“Right” he said “anything else you want to tell me? Or can I get back to having fun now?”

You rolled your eyes “Yeah actually, you need to stop crashing into me, dickwad”.

He snorted. “And why the fuck would I do that”.

“Because I’m out of the seat next time we crash, and because you fucking owe me, so please just cool it with the- !”

“Wait, why the fuck do I owe you anything? It’s not my fault you can’t drive!”

“Because you fucking took my virginity Liam!”

Okay maybe you weren’t completely over it.

You could’ve heard a pin drop. You desperately hoped there wasn’t anyone else in the stalls.

“What?!”

You were so embarrassed you tried to get out of answering by flushing the toilet and waiting for him to leave.

Obviously, that didn’t work.

“Unlock the door, please” He sounded almost winded, which confused you so much you actually opened the door. He was leaning against the wall and as his eyes snapped to yours, you could see there were tears in them.

Your bewilderment must have been visible because he immediately wrapped his arms around you in a tight bear hug.

“I’m so sorry you’re first time was like that... I’m so, so sorry...”

You pushed him off enough to be able to breathe again “The sex was great Liam, what the fuck are you sorry for?”

He stroked your hair as he spoke, refusing to meet your eyes. “Because... I thought you hated me so I... Your first time shouldn’t be, you know, hate-sex. I thought that was the only way I would get to do it with you so I-   I didn’t know you’d never done it before- it was a spur of the moment thing”.

You were even more confused. “The only way you’d get to do it?  What the fuck does that mean?”

He finally looked at you and he seemed so weirdly vulnerable, so heartbroken that your brain started to catch up, and your breath caught in your throat.

“Do you...” your heart was beating fast as you scanned his face for a reaction “like me?”

He had a pained look on his face and just looked down at the floor. He didn’t like you. It went deeper than that.

“Liam look at me” He did. You didn’t know what to say so you just stared at him.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about that night, you know” he said softly. 

“Neither have I” you whispered, and your eyes met as he looked at you in shock.

You both moved at the same time, crashing your lips and bodies together as the years of tension finally washed away and you were on the same wavelength for the first time.

As you both caught your breath a minute later, he chuckled. “Come on, let’s get back to the hotel. I owe you a do-over”.

And do-over he did.

As in, he did you, over every surface.

It started out sweet enough. He carried you to the bed, undressed you slowly and took his time fucking you slowly, almost maddeningly so. But you both quickly realised that he’d already corrupted you the first time, and now you liked it rough. So he gave it to you. First he flipped you over on the bed, grabbed your hair and pushed you face down into the sheets as he pounded into you mercilessly from behind, occasionally leaving hand prints on your ass, then he took you standing up against the glass windows, one hand around your throat, the other sneaking down to touch you where you were making a mess of yourself.

“Fuck, you like it like this don’t you? You’re basically dripping onto the carpet”.

Then he flipped you and lifted you up, your legs hooking over his arms as he entered you again, the position giving you no choice but to just take it.

“Yes, take it baby, fuck- so tight around me, take my fucking cock” he growled and bit into your shoulder, making you moan. “You’d take anything I give you right? Such a fucking slut for it my god”

His hips stuttered as he had a thought.

“It’s my fault, isn’t it? My fault that you take it like you were made for it, fuck”  his thrusts became even harder as you both felt your highs quickly approaching, your hands were scrambling for purchase on his sweaty shoulders, settling in his hair to give it a sharp tug, his answer was a deep thrust that knocked the breath out of you.

“Fucking made for me. Only I get to see you like this now, don’t I? My little cockslut, all for me. Isn’t that right?”

You nodded quickly, but he made a noise of discontent.

“Words baby, I need words or I won’t let you come. Who do you belong to?”

“You Daddy, please I’m gonna come” you couldn’t help it, the name slipping out as his hips stuttered and he made a punched-out noise.

“Shit- say that again baby, that sounded good”.

You huffed out a whine, now was not the time to be embarrassed “Daddy please, please I need to come so bad”.

He groaned “Okay baby go ahead, come on daddy’s cock, now.”

You came so hard. All over yourself, and it ran down onto his thighs and the feeling of you dripping everywhere sent him over the edge, thrusting a couple more times before stilling, deep inside you as you felt him fill you up.

He carried you like that into the bathroom, setting you down gently in the shower, legs and hips sore from the position and you both spent an eternity in there, soaping each other up and kissing tenderly, trying to make up for lost time.

As you got into bed with him, you checked your phone and saw two things: the alarm for your flight was in 2 hours, and a text that read “does this mean you two will be cooperating from now on?”  from your performance engineer.

Your cheeks burned red, she had the room right next door.

[icallhimjoey]

Define Close

♥ ♥  Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: What good are flatmates even, if they don't comfort you when you need it most? Or when you need it a normal amount? Or, you know, when you don't really need it, but just really want it?

CW / disclaimer: rpf, fem!reader, afab!reader, hurt/comfort i guess? idk we're sad a lot and joe cheers us up a lot, mentions of reader having hair long enough to be played with

Author’s note: are you ready for us to sleep with joe? but, like, actual sleep? the literal kind? bc that's all this chapter is. just, snoozing. enjoy!

Wordcount: 4K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

Joe let the door fall into its lock behind him and stood still for a second, ears perked, listening carefully.

The flat was quiet.

He was alone.

Good. So maybe he could call one of his friends to see if they wanted to join him for a run. Joe had two friends who he went running with, sometimes. You never understood it. When you run, you can’t talk? So why do that together? What was the point?

Competition was the point, was always Joe’s answer.

But if he was honest, he just felt a little less lonely if he had a buddy by his side. Felt a little less like a stupid loser who didn’t have any friends to work out with. Was just nicer if he could run alongside someone else. Share airpods. Listen to the same playlist.

Joe was already scrolling through his contacts when something stopped him in his tracks and made him jump out of his skin. Knocked the air right out of him.

He wasn’t alone.

It was silly how the lump in his bed made him gasp for air, how it shot his heart right up into his throat, the adrenaline immediately pumping.

Just as quick as he’d been to step into his bedroom, he stepped back out of it within a second.

Joe had to catch his breath in the hallway, as much out of earshot as he could be, because what the fuck? Nothing had really scared him like that in a long time.

He knew it was just you in there. There was literally no reason for the sight of you sneaking a nap in his bed to scare him like that.

Joe just hadn’t expected it, is why.

“Why would she–”

He pressed his fingers into an eye as he silently scolded you, and then, himself.

“Idiot.”

Sighing deeply, he closed out of his contact list and tapped the side of his locked phone against his chin as he considered his next move.

He could wake you up and tell you off for scaring him the way you’d done. Then still go for that run.

Or, what he also could do, was crawl into bed with you and have a little cosy nap together.

Taking a small step forward to peek around his doorframe, Joe saw how you peacefully dozed through his short-lived panic. He couldn’t see your face from where he was stood, just a body underneath his duvet and your hair fanned over one of his pillows.

Hmm.

Work out?

Or take a nap?

Sports?

Or sleep?

Be moving outside?

Or be still inside?

Joe almost laughed at how even before his mental dialogue asked him those questions, he’d already decided.

He took his shoes off and tiptoed into his bedroom, trying to be quiet as he undid his belt and slipped out of his jeans.

When he was stood next to his bed, your face was clearly visible. All soft with sleep, lips slightly parted, cheeks and nose noticeably rosy, eyes a little puffy.

Joe thought they were all signs you’d been asleep for quite a while already.

Either that, or perhaps you’d been crying earlier.

The second that thought crossed his mind, something beautifully painful hurt him somewhere deep inside of his chest.

If you’d cried, that made sense. Joe had found you in his bed a couple of times before, and even though you always had a different excuse, it was kind of obvious that you only ever snuck over into his room when you felt extremely sad.

It was awful that you sometimes managed to let your mood slip down so low.

But it was sort of gut-wrechingly heart-warming that being in between Joe’s sheets had become a remedy for it.

In just his socks, underwear and T-shirt, Joe slipped into his bed and sighed contently at the warmth he found there.

You, on the other hand, roused awake a little at the cold Joe brought in.

“Shh, shh,” Joe was shushing you before you’d even made any noise, and grabbed hold of your arm in apology, even though that did the opposite. Only made it worse, his cold fingers almost making you flinch.

“Go back to sleep.”

You’d not even properly woken up, and consciously you didn’t register those words, but you relaxed as Joe cosied up, limbs not intertwining, but Joe moved in close enough to touch, consuming as much of your body heat as he could. Ducking his face down underneath the covers a little more than yours was, even if just to make sure you weren’t nose to nose, because you were asleep, and what if you weren’t on the same page?

You were on the same page, though.

Joe knew you were.

It was just that you usually took the lead in setting the norm, and he liked it that way. It was why Joe never ended up in your bed with you. Why it was always you in Joe’s bed with him.

But the thought of you pulling away from him as you’d wake up to his face too close to yours hurt his feelings more than keeping a little distance there, just in case.

Although, he might just be overthinking things, because, remember the first time he found you in his bed?

Joe remembered.

Vividly at that.

Because before that moment, your nose had never been buried into his neck for so long.

That night he’d gone for drinks with a girl and had bought her enough drinks that she’d agreed to come back with him when he offered to make her a coffee over at his place.

An Italian coffee. He could make her one of those, if she was interested, he’d shrugged all casual.

She had given a knowing smile and asked him, “Yea? You make good coffee?” and Joe said he’d not gotten any complaints before, and it had been so stupidly obvious that they weren’t talking about coffee at all.

Upon entering the flat, and gentlemanly letting her go inside first, he told his date to be a little quiet in case his flatmate was asleep already.

But then he saw that your bedroom door was open, and he said, “Oh, never mind. I don’t think she’s in, actually,” as he went to open the door to his own bedroom.

He’d turned the light on, and then, immediately slapped the switch to turn it back off before quickly but quietly closing the door again.

Hmm.

Now what?

Couldn’t exactly take a girl into a bed that already had a girl in it, could he?

With the door handle still in his hand, he turned to look at his date, who seemed a little confused, but hadn’t seen what Joe had seen.

“Um,” Joe said, shaking his head a little in a bid to get rid of the disappointment of the change in plans. To shake off the awkwardness of what he was about to ask.

“So. Milk and sugar?”

He ended up making her an actual coffee.

Kind of had no other choice.

An Italian one, too.

And then helped her get an Uber right after.

When she’d gone, he’d hunched over his bed and gently woke you up. A little shake of your shoulder and some soft whispers of your name. When you opened your eyes and squinted up at him, he couldn’t help his spreading smile.

“Hey, you’re in the wrong bed I think...”

You’d hummed at him and closed your eyes again as you curled the covers into your chest tightly. It squeezed a soft giggle out of Joe.

“What are you doing in my bed?”

“Hmm, ‘t was cold.”

“Cold?”

You rolled over, turning your back towards him, and Joe knew he was never going to get you out of there. You’d fully settled in for the night hours before he’d even gotten home.

Not that he minded.

It was just new, then.

“Left my window open and forgot.”

“Okay.” Joe easily accepted the excuse, despite not believing it at all.

But he could just sleep next to you.

Not a problem.

You slept on the sofa lots, all close together. This really shouldn’t be any different, should it?

But when Joe climbed into bed after a date night where he fully planned on having sex and then didn’t actually get any, followed by you sleepily nuzzling into his neck and hugging him close, Joe realised cuddling up with you, in his bed, underneath his covers, absolutely was different.

Good different, though.

Good different.

When you’d woken up early the next morning, it took you a second to know where you were. You’d never woken up in this part of your flat before. When you remembered where you were, whose arm was draped across your frame, whose fingers were tangled up in your hair, and the reason you’d given Joe for being there, you felt you probably overstayed your welcome and carefully got up and out. Took heavy footsteps across the hall and then snoozed in your own bed for a bit before you decided you were ready to start the day.

You’d found Joe eating a late breakfast in the kitchen and opened the fridge to find some of your own.

You’d casually asked Joe how his date had gone, and Joe smiled into his bowl of granola before he answered, “Yea, fine. Was good. She was nice.”

He didn’t tell you about the coffee. Didn’t tell you about how you unknowingly cock-blocked him in a way he’d never been cock-blocked before.

And you didn’t talk about how you slept in a bed together for the first time that night.

Just became one of those things that happened, sometimes.

Another unspoken flatmate thing.

One that you didn’t talk about with each other, let alone anyone else.

It didn’t happen often, but it happened enough that Joe had been able to puzzle together some things.

He could count the occasions on his hands though still.

And he thought he could only vividly remember every single detail of just that first time he had you in his bed. But if he took a second, he’d understand that, actually, he could recall all details of all the times you slept with your face pressed into his pillow.

Like that one time when he had woken up in the middle of the night, confused at why he wasn’t able to turn over.

You’d curled up next to him, in the middle of the bed, over the covers, like a dog. Essentially trapping him tightly underneath his own covers.

He wondered how long you’d been there already. If you’d fallen asleep in your own bed first before you’d scurried across the hall to climb onto his. Or if you maybe had been stirring, unable to fall asleep, and had just come over to try your hand at it over there.

Either way, it was no use having you over the covers.

Joe sleepily petted you on the side until you raised your head to look up at him and saw how he was trying to push down the covers next to him.

You’d silently moved into bed with him then and when the rustling of duvet stopped, Joe whispered, “Everything ok?” and you’d softly hummed before you answered, “Weird dream.”

And he’d tried imagining what kind of dream could possibly be bad enough for you to not be able to go back to sleep in your own bed by yourself. He could only conclude that it had probably been something scary.

“You’re safe,” Joe’d reassured and pulled you closer by your waist. “We’re safe.”

But you’d already drifted back off.

It was easy to sleep next to Joe. He was soft and gentle and warm and comfortable and, somehow never awkward or too close.

That is, if there even was a ‘too close’ with the two of you.

There probably wasn’t.

And it wasn’t like you only ever found your way into Joe’s bed when he wasn’t there or awake to witness it.

Joe remembered the time when he’d gotten back from a day of shooting late in the afternoon. Short set day. He’d gone for a shower and then got half-dressed before his eye fell on a large envelope he’d left on his dresser. He was meant to finish reading that script yesterday, but he hadn’t even gotten around to opening the envelope.

Cut to about half an hour later, sat on his bed in just his pants, socks and a T-shirt still, Joe was reading from white pages and doing his best to visualise the scenes in his mind when he heard the door open.

There was a lot of careless movement, sounds of shoes falling to the doormat, a bag being thrown into the corner, a coat missing the hook and dropping to the floor and a lot of annoyed huffing and puffing.

You’d walked past his room first, but then it registered that you caught him in the corner of your eye, and so you went back.

Face planted yourself right onto his bed.

Joe didn’t acknowledge you at first, eyes firm on the page he was reading. But then he heard you inhale deeply and it sounded a little like you were trying to keep yourself from bursting into tears.

He’d moved a hand over. Got one of your calves and squeezed it, then rubbed it and dug in his fingers a little, moving like he was giving a weird massage over your tights. Kept reading, though.

You didn’t tell Joe if anything was wrong. Why you’d come home from work in a sour mood, why you had tears of frustration and fatigue pricking behind your eyes. Just plonked yourself onto his bed and enjoyed his quiet company until you dozed off into a light sleep.

Joe eventually finished whatever he was reading and the sudden sounds of movement in your proximity were enough to pull you from your short nap. He then suggested you’d have dinner together.

“Sure, what do you feel like having?”

“Pizza?” Joe looked over his shoulder, eyebrows raised in question.

You knew he was asking if pizza was needed tonight. If it was necessary.

But you’d smiled and said, “Maybe not.” reasoning that you’d probably eaten too much pizza over the past month, and Joe was glad, because this meant you felt better, the little snooze having somehow fixed whatever had been wrong when you’d walked in.

Staring at your now, faces close but not directly opposite one another, Joe could see that your eyes really were a little puffy and, yea, he was right, wasn’t he?

You’d been crying and then you got ready for bed and then, to make yourself feel better, had gotten into his bed instead of your own.

Fucking hell.

Joe felt a surge of guilt when he thought about how much he loved that. He shouldn’t love you more when you felt bad. Sad. Down and all miserable.

But how could he not if it made you end up all snuggled up in bed together?

He knew you never talked to each other about these things, but if you did, if you were the type of sensible people to use your words to work things out, rather than physical touch and closeness, he’d whisper all sorts of questions into your skin.

He’d ask if you were all right. If you’d been crying. If there was anyone who he needed to hurt, which he knew would make you laugh, because no way he was going to go out and fight someone. He’d ask if you wanted to talk about it, because he’d listen. If there was anything else he could do to make you feel better.

But you didn’t talk.

You weren’t sensible people who used their words.

So Joe didn’t whisper any questions into anything, but just let his forehead rest against your collarbone as he tried to fall asleep too. It took a little while, but the focus on your breathing ended up grabbing hold of him by the ankles and pulling him under eventually.

Just like it always did when you dozed off on the sofa together.

Just like it did that one time when he was meant to get up early, but, you were there, all toasty warm and silky soft in between his sheets. It was his own fault you were there. He maybe shouldn’t have offered his bed to you if he had been serious about waking up early.

It was just that, the night before, he’d heard you have a long phone conversation in your bedroom. All serious. No laughter. Took ages, and it was sort of late already. When you’d finally gotten off the phone, Joe found you sat on the edge of the bed in your pajamas, face stuck in your phone, and it looked like you were texting someone. He was about to ask if you’d seen the charger to his laptop, but then he heard you sniffle and saw you wipe a cheek with back of your hand.

He had no idea who you’d been speaking to.

Or who you were texting now.

You didn’t acknowledge him when he walked into your room, eyes on your phone screen still, and for a second Joe thought maybe his legs should carry him the other way. Away from you, out of your room to give you some space.

But then before he really knew what he was doing, he was stood next to you, sort of cradling your head in his arms. Hugging your skull. He took care to look away from your phone screen as to not invade your privacy.

When you finally put your phone down, you dipped your chin underneath one of his arms and kissed the bit of skin that was there as a thank you.

“Come on,” he then said, letting go of your head and walking towards the door.

He switched the light off just before stepping out into the hallway.

When you didn’t immediately come after him, he called, “This way!” over his shoulder, and then grinned to himself when he heard you softly mumble, “Yea, just a sec,” followed by something about needing to brush your teeth first.

When you walked into Joe’s bedroom shortly after, he was already in bed, laid down on his stomach on the left side of the bed.

That wasn’t where Joe usually slept.

That was were you slept whenever you were in that bed.

In an attempt to be funny, to lift the mood a little, you ignored the empty spot in Joe’s bed and instead flung the covers back on the left side and climbed right onto him.

You laid down on top of your flatmate, and swung the covers back as best you could.

You felt him shake with silent laughter which made you giggle. You whispered, “Good night.” and waited for Joe to roll over or to shake, to make you slide off of him, but that moment never came.

You fell asleep smiling, because it was hilarious that Joe was going to let you drift off in that position, with your head in the dip of his neck and your hips over his bum.

In the night, your asleep-self managed to find the empty spot and continued your slumber on the mattress, like a normal person.

But the morning brought revenge.

You usually woke up before Joe did, but Joe was meant to wake up early, remember? His alarm woke him up, shooting awake with a jolt, immediately fumbling with his phone to turn it off. It took him a second to even remember why he’d set the alarm in the first place.

He felt you stir right next to him and remembered how he’d fallen asleep the night before.

If you were to ever bring it up, which he knew you’d never do, he’d tell you it was the most uncomfortable sleep he’d ever had.

They’d be lies.

He loved being pressed into the mattress by your weight a little. Loved the feeling of your entire body on top of his like that.

He’d never tell you.

He’d hold on to the fib that you’d been a great inconvenience, and now, it was time for payback.

Joe’s alarm had pulled you out of your dream a little, but then you fully woke up when Joe suddenly rolled right onto your back.

All of him.

Right on top of you.

His face pressed into one of your shoulder blades, and the air audibly escaped from your lungs as you tried to sleepily protest.

“Oh my God,” you groaned, voice all constrained. “My arm, wait, my– ow, Joe,”

Your arm was caught underneath your stomach, sort of weirdly twisted, and just for a second, Joe pressed his elbows into the mattress on each side of you to lift is weight off.

You readjusted, and Joe asked, “Got it?” and you easily accepted your fate, knowing that the moment you confirmed, he would let himself drop again.

And that’s exactly what happened.

You sighed, eyes still close, breathed “Yea,” as you snuck said arm underneath your pillow and felt Joe carelessly crash into you again.

Without your arm hurting you, it wasn’t so bad, and you felt Joe nuzzle against the bare skin of your upper back. You fully relaxed as you felt him swipe some hair aside that he then gently played with for a moment.

It had been the steady rise and fall of your breathing that had Joe snoozing in no time. Admittedly, the mattress right next to you was more comfortable to sleep on, Joe wasn’t going to lie. But sleeping with his face pressed into your warm morning skin brought a different kind of comfort. He knew that the strap of your top was going to end up marking his cheek, but he didn’t care.

This was nice.

It was one of those feelings he rarely ever got to experience not being in a serious relationship with anyone.

He got certain desires met. If he was honest, that had become almost a little too easy. But it would just be that. Just the sex. He never cuddled, never snuggled with any of those girls. He’d be out of his mind to pull a stunt like rolling on top of one of them to snooze until he actually wanted to get out of bed.

He only got to do that with you. And so he did, the early morning plans he had then no longer important enough. Because he had you in his bed, all relaxed, with soft skin and steady breathing that worked like fucking magic.

Just like it was doing now.

And it sort of shouldn’t.

It wasn’t meant to all be so easy.

Joe’d found you in his bed, and he was actually meant to go for a run and then take a quick shower and then have dinner, maybe even see if anyone was up for a drink at the pub.

But he’d done none of those things.

And now here he was.

Falling asleep as he listened to your slow breathing, happy that it wasn’t hitching in your throat. He didn’t like how it sometimes did that when you had been crying.

That run could wait.

The shower after could wait.

Dinner could wait.

For now it was just warmth underneath his covers and your bodies pressed together. Later, you wouldn’t talk about it. And if Joe was lucky, you’d not take so long to be sad again.

Awful thought, he knew.

But he couldn’t help it.

Joe loved it when you felt bad, but only so he could be there to make it better.

---

The Taglisted

@ali-in-w0nderland, @alwayslindie, @babybluebex, @bylermaxmayfield, @capricornrisingsstuff, @chaoticgood-munson, @choke-me-eddie, @demonsanddemogorgons, @did-it-work, @dirtyeddietini, @djoseph-quinn, @dolcevit4, @eddies-puppet, @emma77645, @emotionaldreamer, @everythinghasafacee, @figmentofquinn, @ghost-proofbaby, @ghostinthebackofyourhead, @hanahkatexo, @harringtonfan4, @hazelenys, @jewellethief, @joesquinns, @keikoraven, @kennedy-brooke, @lovelyblueness, @manda-panda-monium, @mandyjo8719, @mexicanfolklore, @miserybeans, @munson-mjstan, @nadixq, @nglharry, @notverywise, @pepperstories, @phyllosilicate-s, @royale1803, @sherrylyn628, @sidthedollface2, @songforeddiemunson, @sweetberry47, @take-everything-you-can, @thebellenouvelle, @tlclick73, @werepartnersnow, @winterwakesthewolf, @witchwolflea, @yelyahcardella, @yunirgo

taglist currently full, sorry

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

He's still stuck in the Dunlap mud -he's not the only one-

The key here is: GUILT.

I decoded her name → here but not the last name bc Storer never made a statement of it, but @ago0112 saw right through that zodiac killer move of his and did a great job decoding Dr Dunlap's last name → here. And this is important because Storer named Claire that way because he knew all along that at some point in the story he WAS GONNA GET CARMY STUCK IN THE MUD. That moment was S3, due to his guilt, after he blamed himself for this:

That's why he can't make himself apologize to her, because he doesn't wanna face his guilt and responsibility and just say he is sorry and move on, he's stuck there. Obviously, he wishes things would have been different but he knows oh too well what he thought about in that walk-in

And he knew what decision he made and then he did follow through with it. Steadfastedly, actually.

He cut her off

But he is mentally stuck in her mud because he chose to evade and never have that final closure conversation with her, not only because that would make it REAL, but also because even though since the panic attack he kinda knows what he feels and for whom, HE DOESN'T WANNA FEEL IT, he wishes he could feel that way for Claire. And he feels sorry and guilty because he knows better. He is avoiding and evading, as usual, but he knows, he's not stupid. If he doesn't give Claire closure, he might still have a chance with her in the future. If he completely shuts that down with an apology and an adult break up, Claire will move on and he will be left feeling something he doesn't wanna feel for his business partner, and he also feels guilty about that because he feels he keeps failing her. He doesn't wanna be hard to keep up with.

He's sorry and feels guilty about that too but he's STUCK, he can't do anything about it. Totally realistic scenario BTW.

He keeps not choosing Claire

But he's stuck in her mud. It's clear he doesn't wanna get back together with her. But he doesn't wanna give her closure either. Either of those things will force him to face precisely what he's trying to avoid.

Until he's not the star bearer for Syd, he won't let himself feel what he already knows deep inside he feels for her.

If it's not perfect, it doesn't go out.

Bonus track: Syd willingly stuck in her own walk-in closet this season is the most fucked up mirroring I ever saw but it's actually a great sign because she needed her Eureka moment as well. The only reason it happened in a panic-attack way -which by the way she had been having for at least since Sheridan catering blew up in her face, not because of Carmy, although Psycho Carmy contributed this time around- is because she BOTTLES UP FEELINGS AND LEAVES THINGS UNSAID, just like Carmy. She not only avoids what she's starting to realize that she actually feels for her business partner too but also now feels GUILTY for wanting to leave after all they went through together, after all that history that she remembered right before the attack, which was triggered by those memories.

Those avoiding ways always end up in panic attacks, anxiety, etc. Let's not blame the people, let's focus on the people's behaviors and see in what way they are "causes" and when are they actually "consequences" instead. That's how we can really see the whole pic. In her case, the panic attack is a consequence of her own bottled-up feelings and avoidant nature, just like in Carm's case. And they both need to do what they are trying to avoid to get unstuck → Not be beggars to language any longer.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[cdroloisms]

fuck it i'm making this c!awesamdreamity sitcom AU (dr3 edition) a real thing for the funnies alone. why the hell not

premise: they get thrown into a sitcom. that's it. they're in a sitcom world that plays by sitcom rules, which means that everything that occurs Has to conceivably work within the genre. that means no throwing dream in a cell underground and treating him as a prisoner, sam, that's not funny enough. they can't leave or escape, and if they try to do something that Doesn't work within the genre they'll either just be completely unable to do it or they'll be foiled in some genre-specific way (ex: sam tries to build a cell on the property anyway and ends up in a three-episode arc about his fight with HOA)

the main point of this set up is that anything is technically possible as long as it works within the bit. also, yes, there's a laugh track, and whether or not the characters can hear it has everything to do with what's the funniest option (c!sam fucking hates the thing, for the record.)

highlights of this include:

the sitcom Demands A Relationship. because neither c!quackity nor c!sam is willing to do the whole married couple spiel with c!dream, that means that c!awesamq are the ones that are officially "together." this goes so fucking badly and is like, the primary reason why i'm making this a thing in the first place

c!dream isn't Allowed to be a prisoner, but he does have to stay within the house. between the genre and c!awesamq's opinions, he's not really going to end up as just "the roommate" or family or you know, an official third part of the throuple, so the maid it is

a level of violence is allowed but like, the actual pain/consequences has everything to do with whether it works For The Bit or For The Drama. like, c!q might hit c!dream with the car and nothing will happen bc it'll be played off as a punchline, for example, but also a dramatically timed fall might lead to someone walking around with a broken arm for an 'episode' or two. there's no magical accelerated healing here, just the Power Of The Bit

similarly, a lot will be allowed to slide as long as you're genre savvy about it. c!quackity won't be able to get away with outright torturing c!dream for hours, of course, but pushing him around is fine as long as it's funny enough. especially if it comes with a side of romantic drama

speaking of the romantic drama, hoo boy are c!awesamq a fucking TRAIN WRECK. like my god are they so toxic. c!sam is literally the quintessential asshole condescending boyfriend on that server and c!q has a quick fuse, a hell of a temper, and generally reacts to being talked down to with several knives and cursing. they take to a domestic romantic relationship as a fish does to . uh. lava maybe. like it's BAD

think screaming slammed doors things being thrown there's a glass sailing towards c!sam's head screaming over the banisters holes in the drywall fine! FINE! [laugh track] bad. it'd be gloriously, ridiculously toxic. the crowd goes wild

c!quackity has to contend with the fact that his husband is absolutely down horrendous FOR THEIR STUPID GODDAMN MAID .

the maid also wants his husband more than quackity :/ sidelined in his own relationship once again (i wonder why, Q)

how well they adjust has everything to do with how well they acclimate to the genre. c!quackity does the best job--he knows how to play a crowd and do so well. c!sam by FAR acclimates the worst. he's inherently completely offended by the idea of everything about his job and the prison being turned into Entertainment, into something Funny, into A Show To Consume and basically reacts to the sitcom thing by trying to ignore it. this, of course, means that he ends up generally being the butt of the joke

c!dream is. well. at least he's got less stress about dying i guess. and is generally a lot less injured bc starvation and torture lead to lower comedy ratings smh. is still kinda in hell but you know yesterday he got to watch c!quackity hit c!sam over the head with a frying pan and literal cartoon birds appeared so

honestly he's kinda quietly having an existential crisis and lowkey earning sympathy points from the proverbial audience by being the one that comes off the least as Just The Complete And Utter Worst

(meanwhile: c!sam is yelling at c!quackity for how he's apparently cut up all of his dress shirts while c!quackity screams back about something something and he can stick the scissors up his ass)

[laugh track]

[wetcatspellcaster]

7 and 8 for the Tav asks. :D and congrats on the thesis!

Thank you for the questions! Sorry for the long answer!

7. Describe their arc. How would a player help resolve it? What choices can be made? Can your Tav be turned down a dark path, or pulled to a lighter one?

So I thought about this a lot, the Good Ending for Rosalie is she's Just A Person, the Bad Ending is that she volunteers to become the mindflayer at the Orpheus decision for ENTIRELY THE WRONG REASONS (feeling like a liability, believing it's the only way to cure her mental illness, seeing herself as the weak link in the group, being depressed, etc. - this ending bought to you by me staring at that decision screen for an hour KNOWING she'd turn herself into a mindflayer in a heartbeat but feeling physically ill over her logic behind that decision). This is the 'exalted mind' ending.

So there is a bad path for her, but it's one bought about by being self-sacrificing to the point of absolute idiocy and self destruction. I think that Tav literally swerves her away from it by teaching her to be a little selfish and to value herself lmao. Literally the opposite of most of the other companions, and kind of what I wish you could teach Wyll in his storyline tbh!

Her arc would be her just generally being over-emotional and reckless, with lots of camp chats about morality in Act 1 (I would probably double down on the tropes that fandoms hate in female characters a la Katara in Avatar the Last Airbender just for the lols). I want her ending Act 1 feeling like a trite 'heart of the group', ridiculous Mary Sue, she talks to you a lot about how you're feeling, are you ok? Borderline annoying tbh, but with the EA Halsin Effect of "oh, you're the companion who's nicest to me!!". Then in Act 1/2 depending on approval she does something utterly stupid, like run into a fight alone unprompted (death to a wizard), or possibly have Ethel specific dialogue that pisses Ethel off if she's in your party, and the player starts thinking "god this girl is a bit weird and reckless and stupid at times actually", and calling her out on it gets the illithid tadpole as anxiety med drop.

Act 3, you start meeting people from her past (bonus comedy route for if you just enabled all her behaviour at this point to be nice to her and get her approval bc then the illithid tadpole drop happens here). Larroakan is like "aren't you that mousy little scribe who completed those commissions for me?", you can find Threnn, possibly did an infernal translation for Gortash (not canon just for story tie-in)???? and they're all like "who the fuck are you? why are you so different now". There would be a confrontation about lying about who she is, a camp conversation about the pressure they face as the 'heroes of Baldur's Gate" and how she feels inadequate. And then in the conversation with Threnn, and the final Orpheus conversation, Tav can encourage Rose to have an actually healthy relationship with her emotions and not see her every choice as a failing actually. Then you unlock real Rose personality and a final decision where she doesn't try and throw herself on her sword.

8. After Act 3, what does their life look like? What are they talking about at the reunion party?

Good ending Rosalie has rebuilt her relationships with her family, she's back at the Watchful Order but getting all their backlog of heroic deeds retroactively converted into a wizard qualification, and unromanced she'll mention that she's either considering going on secondment to Avernus or helping Halsin in the Shadowlands/feywild as her practical project for the final part of her grade. She will have visited every single companion in the six months (Wyll/Karlach as a projection). She will mention going to tea weekly with Gale given that she's fast-tracking wizardry/he needs a friend group and practice at being a normie and they live in the same city. She will name drop being friends with Tara very smugly.

Bad ending Rosalie is a mindflayer and will talk about the magic she's capable of and the power she's unlocking, now she's no longer letting emotion cloud her judgement. You can ask her about her parents and if she's gotten back in touch and she says, "oh, right. I used to have those."

tav ask game! :)

[monkeytrick]

ausjswoidwi0xei2w93294232

Ok like. Executive dysfunction. And trauma response. Are both phrases that might earn an eye roll from you and I get it. But I feel like one is the other for me and they’re both just causing a horrible loop that is making my life worse constsntly man. It really hit me today that like. Oh my god I am traumatized. I regularly will have flashbacks and either go totally limp and try to ignore everything happening and play dead or I’ll freak the fuck out and start screaming and sobbing and shit and I feel like this entire past month I’ve just been constantly going back and forth between both without any time dedicated t being a normal person which makes me feel so awful and insane because I’ve had like actual fun shit to do this month but I’ve been breaking down so fucking bad bc I literally don’t think I have the capability to live like a normal adult person is supposed to and I don’t have a choice at all because I don’t think I can ever be in contact with my family again. My dad is a domestic abuser and a methhead and an attempted rapist and I’m so scared he’s done more than attempt it since I last saw him. MULTIPLE times he just showed up st my workplace which is across the country from where he actually fucking lives without warning and when he went to jail it was in this state and not his home one. I still don’t know what the fuck he did because I only heard about it from my brother and I can’t fucking talk to anyone else in my family because I’m afraid of them all! My mom is actively without exaggeration trying to ruin my fucking life as revenge against me not talking to her because she was already doing this shit before I cut contact and will steal my money and try and track me down and threaten suicide over my continued existence. I don’t have anyone I can go to in real life about any of this shit and even the people who understand can’t help me at all. I’ve been trying to move in with my friend and after recovering from the extended mental breakdown I’ve been having all month I’m realizing I literally like. Do not have the shit I need to do that. And I don’t know if I ever will because of my family situation. I don’t know how to break it to them and I don’t know what the fuck to do because I don’t think I have an option that isn’t fucking them over extremely badly and it’s entirely my own fucking fault man bc I’ve just been trying to ignore my life so bad. I feel so bad about my current living situation bc my friend and their family were kind enough to let me stay and were really understanding initially but they all just really fucking want me gone by now which is like. Understandable. And the reasonable way to respond. But I’m so scared because I need to be out of here by the end of june and I think my best option is subletting on my own but I feel more certain and terrified every day that I’m just going to be homeless and fired from the job I currently have before I’m 21. I don’t even want to be someone that wants to kms anymore but I feel like god is like literally actually punishing me for existing and I can’t bring myself to deal with living at all. I’m not going to kill myself now and I have stupid reasons to continue being alive but they are reasons but I feel like the only way to stay set on that path and not change my mind and go insane and fucking die is if I get in a psych ward right the fuck now and trying to review my options there is making me even more miserable bc I don’t think I’m even on health insurance anymore and I don’t think I’d be able to get on it in time to not go insane and be a danger to myself. No matter what I am going to be in horrific debt. I just don’t know what to fucking do man. I haven’t looked at any of my texts in like 3 days because I am so fucking scared. I no wanna be around anymore. I cannot bring myself to do fucking snything

[thegeminisage]

i'm in the gerudo desert

mixed feelings about the music in this game. it's wonderfully performed, but i wish there was a mix of old and new tunes instead of no old tunes at all. like, they're never gonna use gerudo valley's oot music again, but STILL. compared to the major personality in the dungeon i just did this track feels a little...generic. sorry.

i lift up rocks in weird places in this game and i find might crystals instead of koroks...nature is healing

OH NOOOO

not people recognizing link's cloak and remembering when he rescued them :(((

damn he's the reason this gerudo became a soldier...wah

oh pink business scrub. nice

whoa mention of the tiles that fly through the air...damn, it's been a minute

NEW BED

omg the gerudo scientist researching ways to ease famine...damn...the worldbuilding..........

oh my god i WISH i had enough money for these shoes but i keep spending it on SMOOTHIES!!!!! #girlproblems :(

oh no oh my god this gerudo doesn't speak either :(((

OH FUCK ME IS THAT A REDEAD

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no

okay. okay. okayokayokay

PEAHAT TIME. AND THEN THE REDEADS WILL FIGHT FOR MEEEE

it...killed my peahat...............

OKAY. GOT MY ECHO

jesus christ i forgot these were in this game

aaah i remember this windy cave from the trailers...

...actually, i don't like the redeads fighting for me either. they're still too creepy

omg in this game they can't deny you access to gerudo spaces for being male so they deny you because you're an outsider...extremely funny bc in botw/totk they were just fine to let anyone in as long as they were women lol

oh damn there was a fucking gerudo ghost in here......crazy

aaah facette must be an impostor. good plot twist

also hey when the gerudo said this young lady here has helped all of us 🥺 it's such a small thing but when you've been playing as a boy for 30 years...man. feminism

there must be some skill i'm missing to go up in here...i see places where i need to get higher but i don't know how

OHHHH i can move these platforms...that solves one area, anyway

bird for the next one. lmao rip facette

bird for two! they're literally teaching me lol

GOT EM

damn seera is kinda hot for a little toy shaped lady. she straight up demolished the fake facette

NO...........gibdos. cant be worse than redead i guess :(

just wasted like twenty minutes trying to get to a chest with a red rupee in it. i do need rupees but i KNOW there had to have been an easier way to do that if you aren't stupid. i can't wait until i can watch playthrus of this online to see what other people did

okay i'm going in the dungeon rift NEW POST!!!

[foxymoxynoona]

You know, if I had a nickel for every time BTS made me stop listening to them due to their actions- I’d have 2 nickels. Which isn’t a lot- but it’s weird that it happened twice. Neither of these occurrences are recent so feel free to ignore this but I need to rant because I found out about it last night and it hasn’t left my mind since. And I’m ranting to you because you seem to have a pretty strong moral compass and you seem to be able to handle some bad stuff and I respect you. Also if I were to post this on my main- I’m afraid that some ARMYs would doxx me. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Anyways this’s got me all in a huff bc last night I found out that during the period I stepped away from supporting them (originally because they worked with Nikki Minaj while she was actively defending her brother who raped his 11 year old stepdaughter. Here’s the link to an article about it, should you want to know more: https://www.essence.com/celebrity/child-rape-trial-begins-nicki-minaj-brother-jelani/. I know now that this was probably less their decision and more their companies but I was also 17 when this info came out and I’m happy that I stuck to my guns then, but I digress) that yoongi fucked up and he fucked up big time.

Anyways- during 2020, when he was releasing his second mixtape, he and two other producers thought it would be a good idea to sample one of Jim Jones’ sermons. And I say him because at the end of the day he’s the artist; it’s his name this will all come back to. Not only that but you have to pay a LOT of money to get any of Jim Jones’ sermons/speeches when you’re not using it for educational purposes (for example in a true crime documentary or a podcast). You have to hunt to get that shit, and it’s not like there’s a lack of information about Jonestown available. This isn’t to say that you can’t employ the words of bad people in media- but you’ve got to do it right. An example that comes to mind is post Malones (not that I’m a big fan of his but he has a catchy song every now and then) song “Jonestown.” Granted, that song still feels icky but Malone demonstrates a knowledge of what happens and that he’s invoking it for a reason. Yoongi doesn’t do that. He picked a soundbyte from a mass murderer and decided to add it to a track that had nothing to do with the context behind the clip. There was no purpose, there was no reference to the harm done during the song. It was a song about “flexing on his haters.”

What he did was stupid. Plain and simple. Because either 1: he didn’t check the source (and he’s notorious for producing his own stuff so this is on him either way) for a soundbyte in a language he doesn’t speak fluently. If this is the case, it reeks of a rookie artist which yoongi is not. He’s seasoned and BTS had been in enough controversies during their early years to know that they should research.

Or 2: he knew and he didn’t care. Unfortunately, due to some comments made after the song was initially released, this seems pretty likely (ie: saying that he was using it because Jim jones was racist to Koreans. Which Jim Jones was known to be racist via a white savior complex and it was mostly focused on black and brown people during the civil rights movement but that still doesn’t have anything to do with the context of the song. It feels like a lazy excuse because he liked the aesthetic of the soundbyte).

But you know what, everyone fucks up now and then. You don’t know what you don’t know- but you can help repair the damage after gaining insight. And the best place to start that process is with an apology, right?

Apparently not, because while bighit released a statement in Korean and not on their main profiles (which is an odd choice because it seemed like it was mostly western fans upset at the usage). Despite saying that they vet the sources seriously, somehow they let this one slip through. You can’t have it both ways; you either vet it or you let stuff slip. And that yoongi was “embarrassed.” If he’s embarrassed he can say that himself. He was 27 at the time, which is far old enough to know better and to be able to take responsibility. In fact, it would probably get him a lot of brownie points if he humbled himself, but he didn’t. He stayed quiet and that was what really set me off.

These are grown men. Adults- Jin was in his late teens to early 20s when they debuted. They’re not stupid- they’re UNICEF reps for gods sake. Yoongi should’ve known better and the group isn’t in the precarious position they were in when they had their first controversy over Namjoon wearing a Nazi cap. That’s when you let your company protect you. This is not like that. I’m sick of the fan base treating these adults like they can’t think for themselves and that they should be protected from the harm they’ve caused.

So that brings me to why I’m telling you all of this as well as how I found this information out 4 years after the fact. It was through a meme. You know that one that’s used mainly for FICTIONAL characters that are evil but well loved (read: hot)? It’s the “my little meow meow” one. So one of the first uses, if not the first use, was an ARMY using it to defend Yoongi’s actions. Why they thought this was appropriate, I don’t know. But that’s what it’s from.

Now why am I telling you this? Well i know that you joined the fan base in like 2021, right? So this would’ve passed you by theoretically. And if I knew that someone I supported fucked up pretty massively, I’d want to know about it. This is also a reminder (not necessarily to you but to the fan base as a whole) that these are men. They fuck up and they don’t need you to defend them. We don’t know them, we have an idea of who they are in our heads but that image is incredibly manufactured. Fanfic and fan art aren’t as serious because they have personas they put on for the camera. But when it comes to posting about the members and sort of glorifying them (again, not you directly but I feel like this could start an interesting conversation) it feels like you’re letting the harm go unnoticed

Anyways that’s my rant. I feel better now. Again, feel free to ignore this. I just trust you with the info because you’re an adult and you seem to show a lot of compassion and a good moral compass not only through what you post on here, but also through what you write

I am actually aware of this and also felt severe disappointment because what I know of it seemed like an example of creatives hyping themselve up and doing something "edgy" without thinking of the real world response, then hiding behind a smokescreen to protect the artist. The apology didn't feel like there was accountability --unlike Namjoon's response many years ago the response to I think War of Hormone and sexism where he went to learn more and self reflect.

There is definitely this harmful cycle that can happen with celebrities where people are willing to forgive them for just about anything, and in turn they are surrounded by people who enable them to drift further from reality and do things that are less acceptable. I have worked with the music industry for 14 years, I cannot emphasize how many hours i have spent debating whether we should/should not work with this or that artist, whether what they did was bad enough to refuse, who has a right to draw those moral boundaries, etc. It's distressing how much of the industry have done really regrettable things --and that's just the stuff we know about. The profits enabel it.

Everyone has to decide for themself what the limits and application of their morality are, who they choose to support and in what fashion. Supporting someone doesn't mean you can't be critical of their mistakes, and everyone has their own line of "I admrie this person but they fucked this up and I want to see evidence of them doing better" and "I absolutely cannot support this person any longer."

Personally, I do think Yoongi learned and grew from this experience becuse while I don't admire that the self reflection was not public in a way that felt sincere, I don't think I've seen repeat behavior since that incident years ago. Could I be wrong about that? Totally. We make the best choices we can with the knowledge that we have.

That meme use is inappropriate and I don't doubt that there are always plenty of folks who are unbothered by what another person considers an egregious behavior. I think that's what you meant about glorifying, those who act like the people they admire can do no wrong. It does both ourselves and the artists and the whole value of "famous" people a disservice: they like us can make mistakes they learn and grow from, and we can learn and grow alongside them, but the hard part for them is that their mistakes are incredibly visible. I don't envy them that.

I'm glad it made you feel better to get this off your chest! And I'm touched that you consider me a safe place to vent your feelings to 😊

[grandprix-ao3]

12 & 23?

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

haha. ha. i think you already know... :) my favorite driver on the grid by an embarrassingly long shot is logan sargeant. and i actually do have a track record of being pretty convincing in terms of logan but i do all of it by accident!! between hollywoodsargeant and miamis (coughs and my tiktok) i am making the logan content i wish to see in the world and in the process like. accidentally roping a bunch of other people into the mess. So

but i will attempt a purposeful convincing tactic by just yelling vaguely about what i like about him. uh... he's usamerican (i'm usamerican, red white and blue or something, idk) and he's cute and pretty well-spoken and he's funny!! is that clip from the GQ video of him poorly rapping lose yourself by eminem a valid reason why more people should like him? him liking horrible tiktoks about himself that make fun of how aggressively patriotic he is? (he is self aware!) consider literally any prema video he's in he's just. he's fucking stupid. this is a man who said full confidence he cannot live without the wolf of wall street. his own victory pose (courtesy of benny jacobs!). burger sauce. i love my men stupid and crooked-grinning and wearing big ugly sunglasses and walking with a funny little saunter and he checks all the boxes. what more could i (you? maybe?) want!

idk man the issue here is that i don't even really know why i started liking him so much but now he is my favorite ever no contest and i will go to great lengths to make that known and he's cute HE'S CUTE!!! he has a father-son type relationship with his trainer that makes me want to cry (my son calls him older brother. stop) and a stupid laugh and every time he talks about his friends i smile like an idiot like yeah! kyle kirkwood is your boy! you guys go way back! and you and oscar can't seem to get away from each other, you've known each other forever and every time you go your separate ways they always lead in to the same place. you cracked your ribs fucking around with your brother who you love very much and sometimes you can't shut up about your hometown but it's endearing so i'll let you get away with it and you're racing in your fucking backyard this is your homecoming i'm. yeah okay i'll stop. could theoretically go on forever i am. tremendously compelled by him. in love with him. formula 1 driver logan hunter sargeant. that's my boy!

also he has a really nice ass idk go look at any photo of him in his race suit it's honestly stupid how good he looks in it

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

every ship i have come around to has been against my will. since we're on a logan train: loscar? from unwilling to driving the whole entire bus i did the math earlier i'm responsible for like 14% of all fics in the loscar tag. Anyways. they're compelling did you see the childhood friends shit i rbed earlier... yeah. Yeah. that's my entire case for them: that

also clemarcus. i even remember when el oversteerey was actively posting six weeks and i wasn't reading it bc i didn't really. know much about either clem or marcus? but i'm subbed to their ao3 so it was in my inbox. then when it got finished i was like Fine and now i read that fic as like a routine. so good. they're also very compelling but less in the childhood friends way and more in the Oh My God Stop Touching Each Other You Gay Freaks way. both are vibes

choose violence ask game

[kulekrizpy]

my friend/ex was really upset yesterday. his body is all messed up from various injuries, he needs dental work. i told him to call out of work bc he wasn’t going to get any sleep before his shift

he moved near his hometown with some planning but not a lot. he wants to go to school. but he won’t have in-state tuition since he was living in my state prior to moving. he works really hard at work but it’s physical labor and it only makes his health issues worse. he also doesn’t want to move up to a less labor-intensive position :/ he honestly needs to take medical leave

and he’s upset with my brother for various reasons, but last night he was drinking and it all came out and he messaged my brother and my mother about how upset he was about my brother breaking something of mine and not paying in full to replace it. he’s struggling with money on his own and he resents my brother for having a cushy job that he complains about and flouts authority on. in many ways my brother IS entitled and probably WOULD benefit from being punched in the face at least once for his shitty political views, especially bc my ex is genderqueer. but he has definitely not spoken frankly about it with my brother

speaking of which, now he’s in a less accepting place and tho he “toned down the queer” he still gets looks from ppl and it’s stressing him out a lot. he worries about going thru backroads in case his car breaks down and someone kills him

all his friends from back home are druggies or complete deadbeats or both and he’s had a falling out with everyone since he moved. he’s also worried one of his older friends won’t live beyond this year. so now all the friends he does rely on are in my area and not his and he’s very lonely and isolated. and that also means i’m his best friend rn, which he’s told me several times

a week or so ago he wanted to make a risky and illegal change in career and after i told him i wouldn’t have been friends with him anymore if he decided to do it, he told me he still wants to fuck me. when i told him i can’t be casual with him anymore so don’t say that, he said he didn’t say it properly and that he meant he wants to be with me, eventually. and it’s just a whole fucking thing. he can’t even articulate what he wants. i told him not to mention it again unless he was sure and confident he could actually be a good partner to me. and i told him i need time to get over him too

and last night, we were chatting and i realized he’d been drinking, and he’s in a negative spiral/combative. he messaged my family. i told him he should wait til the morning and he did it anyway. at that point i said whatever. the call dragged on for hours tho he needed to sleep for work. he was in such a state i didn’t feel comfortable getting off the phone with him in case he did something very risky, like driving drunk or idk what else. he talked about wanting to lay down on some train tracks…

AND he called me again at work the other day. like. on the work phone. he used to work there but it’s just… not professional. feels weird. esp bc he was doing it cuz he was drunk. told him to text or call my phone next time

he gets drunk and disregards boundaries. bc he also mentioned the dating thing last night while we were talking. and when i told him not to he sidestepped and kept going on about whatever rant. and he just argues abt everything when he’s drunk. DUMB shit. like me taking my bike apart to store it easier. like bruh leave me alone ??

in the end he called out of work, then talked to his sister and i guess she convinced him to drive up instead of doing something dumber. i asked if he was sober enough and he said yeah. which he would’ve said no matter what i’m sure :|

so. he got to his family’s place and i guess i’ll see him today sometime. i told him i don’t want to drink and my brother doesn’t wanna drink with him either, so we’ll avoid that at our house at least

he’s trying, but he’s also falling back on stupid habits. i just hope he can figure out how to get the help he needs

and i need to figure out how to keep my boundaries

the cats woke me up earlier. i need to sleep more before i see him. good night

[mekatrio]

complaining abt godot's role in the ending of 3-5 hur hur

it took me some rewatches some rereads and a whole lot of thinking, but i think i finally get what 3-5 was going for now.. basically, godot is supposed to be this tragic figure that was forced into being a killer in order to protect maya. the game is self-aware enough to point out the flaws with his actions, with how he was too prideful to ask for phoenix's help, how he may have been blinded by revenge against dahlia, etc. and while im still not the biggest fan of how the game executed this reveal, as i still think there wasnt enough foreshadowing to warrant the reveal that he was at the temple this entire time (which is also why it took as long as it did for me to rly understand the ending).. i have bigger gripes with his overall character arc, so atp its whatever. my overall main gripes w godot's arc is that im weirded out by how it kinda overshadows mia's and maya's character, while also being framed in a way im not particularly on board with..

i find it weird that godot had acted in mia's and maya's self-interest, yet he hadnt consulted or properly spoke to either of them at all. he didnt have any means to speak with mia, so my main criticisms are between him and maya. tho i do find it weird that tht a proper conversation between mia and godot didnt happen at any point.. but thats besides the point. anyways, its weird that he just let maya go to hazakura, knowing that this would put her life in danger, and didnt think to inform neither maya nor phoenix abt this. he just let that happen, thinking that he (along w iris' and misty's cooperation) wouldve been enough to protect her.. like what. like ok, the game at least makes it so he points out how kinda stupid this was of him, and that if he really cared abt maya's safety, he shouldve let either her or phoenix know. but its still like.. the reason he didnt tell neither maya nor phoenix was bc of his pride; he faulted phoenix for not protecting mia, and so he wanted to show him how protecting someone should be done. and bc he held a grudge against phoenix for not protecting mia, he didnt want phoenix's help at all. and so he kept both maya and phoenix in the dark bc of his own pride……

and its like, this wasnt just a silly little mistake he made, valuing his pride over practicality. no.. this ended up costing a person's life, and not just any person, but the mother of our dearest friends. which is terrible! but that on its own, isnt actually that bad, writing wise. a tragedy borne from a person's pride is a common tragedy, and when executed well, can be really really good. but the problem i have w how godot's character arc executed this is with the framing.. after we undress godot as misty's murderer, hes then surrounded with an air of tragic dignity. as though him killing misty was an inevitable, sorrowful, tragic thing…. and im sorry but WHAT??? WHAT?!??!

this dude… KILLED SOMEONE. he allowed maya to get caught in a dangerous situation, which he Knew about, didnt tell neither her or phoenix about the danger, and then had to Kill someone to protect maya, all bc he was too prideful!! he ended up in this situation where he had to kill someone bc of his pride! this is a tragedy, yes, but it is more senseless than it is tragic. this isnt a "this didnt have to happen" type of tragedy, this is a "why the fuck did this even happen to begin with??!?" type of tragedy!! and yet… it isnt portrayed as such??

instead of being portrayed as a shameful fool... godot is instead allowed to maintain an air of dignity?? why is that??? when i think back to the other killers we've convicted who maintained an air of dignity, i can recall vasquez, mimi miney, and gant. all three of them confessed on the stand, and express a grim sort of resignation at what they have done. vasquez killed out of self defense, miney to cover her tracks, and gant for a twisted sort of insurance. and yet, despite the resigned dignity that they carried with them, these guys still had an air of shame surrounding them! bc they were killers!!! so why was godot afforded a special type of tragic dignity…??? bc him becoming a murderer wasnt some sort of tragedy… it was just senseless!! and not just that, but i had to drag the truth out of him! he didnt just confess to what he had done, when he couldve.. LIKE…. i get its for the drama, and to fold up the dahlia arc first but still.. basically.. WHY THE FUCK DID I DRINK A CUP OF COFFEE WITH HIM..?!?!? WITH THE PERSON WHO KILLED MY BESTIES' MOM…. WHAT?!?!?

and!!! and why were mia and maya… so ok with this??? thats another thing, this game shouldve been abt mia and maya; the final case was all abt the fey clan women, we've played as mia for 2/5 of the cases, and the fact tht mia, who despite being such an important character, had been out of the spotlight for the overarching narratives of the past 2 games.. aa3 shouldve been the fey women's turn!! but instead…. its about.. Godot??!? and the thing is like… godot's arc is supposed to also be about mia and maya, right? bc hes closely linked with mia, and 'became a killer' to protect maya…. but instead, his arc, and by extension aa3 as a whole, is like.. about his dumb pride.. huh??!! its about what Godot thinks about mia and maya, but not about mia or maya themselves. and the fact that both mia and maya had tried to cover for him…. what even bro. not to mention! that the past 2 games had already gone over the whole "the courtroom shouldnt be a battle of personal pride, but for justice instead" schtick, and then godot comes belatedly shambling in trying to score a victory against us as a matter of personal honor, like what?? What!!!

but basically yeah um... for these reasons, aa3 is definitely the least favorite of the trilogy for me, and this isnt even going over the whole iris and dahlia deal which is another type of strange... 3-5's final trial was just. Strangeee to me. also since im rambling anyways, just to comment some more abt how i think there wasnt enough foreshadowing to godot's presence at the temple.. theres a moment when maya is on the stand, where you can press a statement that talks abt a storage room that godot couldve been hidden in this whole time:

and thats just like... what!!?? a storage room thats just. never been seen or mentioned... and its like. well then if this is all it takes for someone to have just been at the temple this whole time, then gumshoe couldve also been here this entire time, what!! and also godot being here this entire time meant that he just like, ignored pearl the whole time while she was stranded here... which is.. such a shitty thing for him to do... Huhhhh?????

[beeben]

So I was going through some Krieg fics on AO3 and found your story "Monstrous"... Fuck that hit way too close to home. It was so amazingly written, I can sympathize bc I suffer with self loathing in my worse times, some of it was like seeing my own thoughts written out in front of me. I'm 1000% going to be reading Paging Doctor Samuels once I get the time to, I can tell its something you've had a passion for based on how much content you have going for it. Keep up the amazing writing 💙

AUUUUUGHHH THANK YOUUU monstrous is honestly one of my favorite things ive ever written like i poured my GUTS into that thing brother. I try so hard to capture him right. Hes always been a challenge for me because of a few reasons, i try to keep his thought patterns as realistic as i can with also acknowledging that hes like. Not normal yknow??? I don't like going oh psycho krieg sane krieg babbling back and forth i dont think real people work like that (even in someone with DID. I don't think he does have DID i just think he has a compartmentalized personality and schizo-affective disorder.) I don't like saying a specific disorder because i think that ties him too much to real life and it devalues people who have like schizophrenia or bipolar or other real cluster b personality disorders.. i dont think its right to add a real label to a character they specifically made to be an ahhh crazy psycho dude...... THAT BEING SAID! i think he (especially in the dlc) is one of the more respectful renditions of a severe mental illness that ive seen and i do want to keep him in that vein of believability.

Him saying "my other self" is referring to what everyone thinks is psycho krieg, but to me when I look at that, its not different from him. He says "my other self" to distance himself from things he finds revolting/stuff hed "never do". I think his body image is one of the leading things that effect this and thats kinda why i wrote this. He looks in the mirror and he doesnt see himself. He sees a thing that someone else made and attached his soul to. a lot of what i focus on with him is the acceptance stage in grief, i think thats the hardest part and people definitely back track a lot.

Hes grieving his past self. Its a big issue for him. He misses something he doesn't remember, and thinking of it for too long scares him. He feels stuck. He feels stupid. He feels like hes lost.

Mayas kinda like an anchor for him. Not in a manic pixie dream girl type of way- i dont think either of them see her as that- but like a support system. Everyone benefits from someone who can ground you during a crisis and i don't necessarily think it has to be a romantic partner but in this case it is, cus she knows him well enough and she sees and can identify the signs of him when hes going through it.

Krieg to me is a very private person. He puts on a persona to people for defense. The fact that Maya can see right through it makes him WILDLY uncomfortable. Cus he's always been taught that in order to be a good partner for someone (a man with a woman specifically) you cant act dangerous or threatening at all to them or else its predatory and youre seen like an abuser. He thinks his whole being is dangerous. Its not really that he struggles with masculinity, thats not a problem for him really its more like hes been told that he SPECIFICALLY is undesirable, he specifically is overly violent, hes too big, hes too unhinged to be in a healthy relationship with a woman. (This goes back further than the experimentation i feel like his mother specifically had something to do with his self image + why he became a mercenary in the first place.)

Maya doesn't care about that. Shes had like . 0000000001% of the romantic/sexual experience that he's had she does NOT know what a typical relationship looks like whatsoever. She doesnt even call him her boyfriend she doesn't define relationships like that at all. They're partners thats what she sees. Theyre equals to eachother. Mayas just as if not more fucked in the head as he is, and twice as dangerous.

She'll support him through anything he needs and she loves him for his uniqueness and his roughness and his WHOLE personality not just what he thinks is likeable about him. His thought process getting with her started as " she can see that deep down im not a monster" to "shed still be there even if i was a monster and still feel the same way" its subtle but its emotionally wrecking to him because that means she's really not there to coddle him. Its not tough love like you and i would say necessarily but he has this image in his head that if he found true love hed go "back to normal" and if he doesn't then hes not trying hard enough. He's gotta accept he'll never be normal and that's completely fine.

With that though comes loneliness. Even if he accepts hes different its still very isolating. It doesn't have to be though, especially in borderlands.

Krieg is still human. Thats probably the most important thing to me. He looks a little funny but his heart beats red blood and his head is full of deep philosophy and love and emotions that only people can experience.

Sentience is a blessing and i feel like he needs to learn that that blessing includes him :) thanks for reading.

[jeniffercheck]

Do u think shiv ever tells karolina about the silly mirror :(

under the cut bc this got long again !!

oooh i actually had to think pretty hard about this one :( it's one of the darker details i feel we got about logan like, making the kids upset in whatever way and then teaching them that they're stupid for even feeling upset & they're the weak ones like the layers of gaslighting there :(

for that reason i don't know if i could see shiv just outright telling her about it but i could see her either 1. referencing it offhandedly in a light manner while they're joking around and bantering, and it coming out without her even realizing she's said it, and then karolina would obviously ask like "the silly mirror???" & shiv would explain and try to play it off so as not to ruin the mood and karolina would let her but she would also be deeply disturbed by it u know :(

i could also see it coming to light during a blowout argument where they're just really going at it and getting exponentially meaner, like perhaps tomshiv balcony levels/the worst fight they'll ever have, and of course maybe karolina cries a little bit, because shiv can get ruthless and also karolina's truly tired of all the fighting, and shiv feels bad for making karolina cry so the only logical solution is to deflect it in the only way she knows how, "we need to get a mirror in here for how fucking stupid you look right now," which would stop both of them in their tracks because karolina wouldn't even be able to come up with any words other than a very sad, "what?" and i think shiv would just immediately feel a very deep shame for ever having said it at all

in that scenario the argument would definitely just end right there, bc i think shiv would become too upset with herself to keep going, like dealing that low of a blow probably warrants some self reflection honestly, and she would probably very curtly tell karolina why she would've said that & karolina would still be hurt by the argument, but in that moment i think she'd be very pragmatic and understand that shiv just has a lot of shit to work through and it's not productive for either of them to keep getting into it

shiv also misremembers it being their mom, so i could imagine her explaining it to karolina and then one day karolina hears about it again from kendall or maybe connor on a random trip and she goes back to shiv like very tentatively, but still asks, "you know your brothers said it was your dad?" and shiv would shrug it off but still be very unsettled by the revalation, maybe they would talk about it maybe they would not who knows shivlina are their own entity

in other words karolina would find out and still be like i could fix her<3

[werewolfwebsite]

OK I don't really do discourse anymore bc I'm an Adult and I know it stresses people out but the youtuber dream and the fans he has formed the most intense parasocial bonds with r sooo fascinating to me in the most horrifying way.

and the way said fans (im not using the word stan it's fucking stupid, and at this point the only fans of dream are either extremely casual and don't know shit or are have pledged their undying loyalty) treat ANYONE who distances themselves from him is. fucking crazy.

like they act as if every person who joined the dsmp owes their entire career to him when in reality, they all were already having growing online presences. I've seen people go after boo which is especially crazy to me bc their meteoric growth was already happening by the time they joined dsmp, and calling a person w severe dysmorphoa ugly & saying they would be working a minimum wage job if not for dream (which like. come on man. the people saying this shit are the most unemployed of all time) is just cruel.

I've gotten off track but my main point is that most if not all of these creators were actually more materially and directly helped and supported by each other and ESPECIALLY philza minecraft (especially with his tech support, genuinely I think most ccs in this sphere would not have as high framerates while playing games if not for him). and philza was the first person to tell dream to fuck off when he was "joking" about making tommy's career a couple years ago.

dream is literally the reason why I didn't get into the dsmp until last year, bc I thought it heavily included him and I really did not want to support him bc the way he acts w his fans & other rumours I had heard from being in the hermit side of mcyt. I'm glad I learned that literally the only thing he contributed that much was his name because the more I learn about this guy the fucking crazier it gets. idk how he even has fans like granted I've only seen him when he's been on other people's streams but he's straight up not entertaining.