#and I don't wanna get rich by writing books

[there-will-be-a-way]

Been talking about writing a lot in therapy (because it's a special interest and since I'm autistic I'm gonna be autistic and do the Talking About It) and how it's been my biggest coping skill over the years. I literally started writing stories the moment I learned how to write, and even before that I already told stories. At the lowest points in my life, it has been what kept me from unaliving myself because I still had that one story to tell.

Been talking about the perfectionism that comes with it too. My therapist said that I must be aware I have a talent for it because of the sheer amount I write which I had never thought about before. But yeah, appareantly not everyone could write 100.000 words in a month lmao. By now I feel like I'm finally going somewhere with my writing. Like, when I look back at my old stuff (aka stuff from 2021-2022) I feel like it's so bad, but that only means that what I write now has much more skill and structure.

For my autism, being able to make a living as a writer would be the perfect job and ever since I was little, it has been my dream. 90% of the people I told this said I would never make it, but you know in which scenario I'll never make it? If I stop trying. So I might as well continue working on it. Because I already got so much better at it, and I still have time to learn.

[saltynsassy31]

Our aunt and uncle:

"You need to step up your game! You guys arent kids anymore!"

Me and @notsodailycake :

[agirlwithglam]

S.M.A.R.T goals:

How to set and achieve your goals

What does SMART stand for?

S - specific. don't just set vague goals like "i wanna get fit" or "i wanna get abs". how are you gonna know when/ where to start? if you want to get fit: your goal could be "go to the gym for 30 mins everyday" or "i want to run 5k in under 30 mins". whatever works for you. some other examples: -> if your big goal is to get high marks on your next test: your "mini" goals/ steps should be to study everyday for at least 30-60mins. -> if your big goal is to get money/ become rich: your steps/ mini goals should be to save $___ daily first. and also figure out a way you can make a mini business/ get a job.

M - measurable. make sure that your goals are measurable- meaning that you should be able to track them. some examples: -> if your goal is to read more: then create or find a habit tracker or something so everyday when you read, you can mark it down for that day. ! recommended resource: James Clear's habit tracker journal- you can find it on amazon.

A - Achievable keep your goals realistic and attainable. if you know you dont have the time/ energy to read a whole book in 1 week, dont do it- otherwise you'll get easily discouraged. the goldilocks principle: don't make it too easy, where it doesn't give you a challenge, but don't make it too hard either, otherwise you'll get easily discouraged.

R - Relevant basically a WHY. why do you want/ need to accomplish this goal? have a motivation which drives you. make sure your goal is relevant to you in some sort of way. example: -> if you want to learn a language such as spanish, why do you wanna learn it? because you want to travel to Spain one day? to be able to communicate with someone? even if the purpose is as simple as "wanting to be bilingual cus it makes me feel cool and impressive" - if that motivates you, then go ahead!

T - time bound your goals need to have some sort of deadline or urgency attached to it- otherwise you could take all the time you want to start and procrastinate as much as you want. having a deadline for the goal will motivate you to take action sooner, than later.

how to use SMART goals effectively:

decide on the goal. (something that you actually need/ want to accomplish.)

break it down into smaller steps. (very small. so small that you can start working on whatever it is NOW.) you want to get high marks on your test? lets break it down. study 30 mins everyday -> walk to desk -> get material out -> identify what you need to study -> find your weaker topics & write it out -> create a planner or smth -> start studying. // need help? find videos online, go thru material again, find study tips, etc.

write them down. (helps you stay accountable. also people who write their goals down are 42% more likely to achieve them than people who don't write it down.)

create an action plan. (relates to the 2nd point. outline the necessary steps to take, identify resources, set milestones, plan for potential obstacles.)

monitor and evaluate progress. (regularly review your goals, mistakes, and progress. what could you do better to be more efficient and quicker? how can you learn from your mistakes?)

stay committed and flexible. (you really need to be committed to achieve the goals, you shouldn't just start off super excited, doing great in the first week then slacking off. you've made a commitment to YOURSELF. respect yourself enough to stick to it! but also be flexible with your goals. if you're reeeallyy not able to do it one day, plan to do a bit more the next day. stay focussed and don't get discouraged by setbacks.)

celebrate achievements. (recognise when you've hit a major milestone, and celebrate it! this helps you maintain motivation and a sense of accomplishment. and reward yourself!!)

random additional tips:

visualisation. (such a strong form of manifestation. everyday visualise yourself with your goals, feeling all the emotions and thoughts that come with it! visualisation can also really boost your motivation and drive to achieve it.)

PRIORITIES. (remember that also, all goals aren't equally important. prioritise the ones that really matter. this doesn't mean that you can't focus on the other goals, just make sure the ones that need more attention, get more attention.)

positive language. (use kind and encouraging words towards yourself. know and understand that you are that girl who can achieve ANYTHING she sets her mind to.)

seek support. (ask friends and family or a mentor for help. if you want, be careful tho, share your goals with them to help you stay accountable. and if you know a person who's achieved your goals, GET ADVICE FROM THEM! where better to get advice from than someone who's been through what you're going through?)

stay organised. (self explanatory. just stay organised. messy space = messy mind. clean space = clean mind.)

maintain balance. (of course your goals are important, but so is the age you're currently at. especially if you're a teenage, DONT WASTE THESE YEARS!! get out of the house! make friends! go to parties! LIVE LIFE TO ITS FULLEST. also make sure that you get the adequate rest needed!)

write about your journey. (write about the struggles, the obstacles, how you overcame them, insights you got on this journey, etc. trust me, it'll be so interesting and helpful to read when you're older.)

[adamsrcnan]

OKAY OKAY here we goooo an annoyingly long-ish post about all my thoughts on The Sunshine Court

Spoilers Spoilers Spoilersss you've been warned

First things first it is so interesting to see Nora writing from not one but TWO new people's perspective. Jean's perspective is just devastating being inside his head is heartbreaking the constant fear and panic and how much of his energy is used on just pushing down every memory of what was done to him. His coping mechanisms are terrifying and i truly do hope by the end of book 2 he has a healthier way of dealing with it bc baby boy stop hurting yourself :( Every sentence was so painful to read. But also his resilience the entire time to get through it no matter what, god i fucking love him!!! He is a fighter.

Jeremy's perspective is sooooo refreshing. He is such a little sweetheart i could cry. The fact that he sends hand written letters and he's so caring and genuine but he can also be so stern. When he dropped that "i asked you a question" to Lucas fkehdjdfjdh OK SIR. I'M SAT. His relationship with the family butler is so endearing as well i need more background on that for sure! My only one criticism is that he didn't have enough pov chapters and i'm hoping we'll learn more in the second book of course because there's still so much about him and his (dysfunctional? toxic?) family dynamic that we don't know yet but also i'm greedy and i wanna know EVEYTHING about him !!!

Kevin and Jean are so just tragic it actually breaks my fucking heart like "you didn't have to slit my throat on the way out" JEAN??? and "promise me you won't try again. I can't lose you." KEVIN??? And the fact that Jean to this day is still keeping that promise. Also Jean's obvious but secret long term crush on Kevin the way it's subtly dropped every time Jean has to stamp down on his desire's and "temptations" GOD PLEASE I CAN'T STAND IT

SPEAKING OF!!! BISEXUAL JEAN ??? BI JEAN??? BI JEANNNN !!!!

Neil and Jean oh my God like where do i even start?? The guilt Jean feels at what happened to Neil in the Nest and him finally calling him by his name after Riko's death and telling him his game was good. And Neil seriously needs to give himself more credit for how much of a caring person he is because the way he indirectly told Jean that he thinks he is worth saving and didn't even hesitate before asking Stuart to send someone after That Guy after what Jean told him. Neil Josten the man that you are!!!

Jean's little sister Elodie what a beautiful name. Them being so close and him reading to her. The way he found out about her death jolted me differently. It was so awful and i'm so sorry Jean didn't get to see her grow up and meet her again.

Renee and Jean oh my god. Jean thinking she's beautiful (bitch me toooo) And the whole right person wrong time ugh i can't stand it. Him wearing her necklace all the time, enough that Jeremy always notices it. And unabashedly stealing her picture from the foxes lounge. Like he did not give a fuck. He said this one is mine. One good reason to stay alive being rainbows i'm gonna FKSJSKDHDH. Theirs would be such a soft love.

Speaking of soft loves Laila and Cat are EVERYTHINGGGG. God they are so cute with their little domestic life and their rich gay boy son who crashes on their couch with his cardboard cut out dog. That whole friendship dynamic is beautiful. Their fierce protectiveness and care over Jean as well and the patience they have with him even after the little kitchen incident. When Cat took Jean out for a drive on her motorcycle god that was such a heart warming moment and Jean helping them cook as well and becoming the girls' little sous chef it's so cute so endearing !!!

FINALLY FINALLY THE JEREJEAN DYNAMIC

PLEASE I'M GONNA SCREAM

Jeremy being the one who told Jean that Riko was dead i don't even know what to begin with THAT like hhhhhhh. The way they're both stupidly attracted to each other but won't/can't do anything about it. THE WHOLE "say yes Jeremy" SCENE WTF WAS THATTT I WAS GOING INSANEEEE. Both of them having to stop mid sentence when they catch the other looking FINE as hell. Jean being so obvious that even Lucas picks up on the way he looks at Jeremy. Jeremy being there to ground Jean in a Moment and helping him come down from it. Grabbing his face and telling him he's okay. Moving into the room with him to make him feel more comfortable !! The way Jean grabs Jeremy's chin (boiiiii). Jeremy constantly reminding Jean that he is NOT A RAVEN ANYMORE no matter how many times he has to say it. Jeremy saying he'll wait as long as it takes until Jean speaks to him. JEREMY GIVING HIM A HUG AND JEAN CLUTCHING DESPERATELY TO HIS SHIRT FUUCUFHDHSJHSSUHDH and then the "will you help me?" And the "Anything you need" AND THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE A CERAMICS CLASS TOGETHER?!?!?!!!! i can't i can't i can't i caaan'ttt

There's so much more to say but i'm gonna leave it at this for now because i need to go re-read it again and take my time with it this time round but i really could not have asked for anything better Nora truly outdid herself here !!! I'm forever grateful she blessed us with this after so long.

[depresssant]

MASTERLIST

before yall read anything, go follow my instagram @lacuniiic.

hey guys. welcome to my shitty page on tumblr. my name is emmy and my user is depresssant. i go on the same user on wattpad so go check it out if yall wanna read some books. i'm pretty new to tumblr which is why i dont do any of that cool and fancy shit other blogs do so bear with me 😭

my main ask and request rules are the general "NO" phobias like trans, religious, homo, etc. i'll literally write about nearly anything⏤original and fandom. i will ask that you be a bit specific for what you want or tell me i can go in whatever direction if you don't necessarily know what you want. i mainly do fem reader but i am open to male, gn, and non binary. and that's pretty much it

my current fandoms are genshin, mha, jjk (NANAMI MY BELOVED GET BEHIND ME I'LL PROTECT YOU), original stories, the boys, avatar the last airbender, marvel, dc, ARCANE, dune, aot, black butler, demon slayer, and more to come

yandere is TO NOT be romanticized. these types of ppl r ILL and need help, so if you know someone or r personally going thru this, find help!!!!! this behavior is not normal, and is traumatizing asf. also, if u happen to come across an account that romanticizes yands, pedos, grape, and etc, hit that report button like ur life depends on it!!!!

JJK :

⏤ addiction (yan gojo)

⏤ rich boy gojo hcs

⏤ yan!gojo with 'american wedding' inspo idk 😭

⏤ yan!geto with ex!friend!reader

⏤ (not yan btw just angst) reader with unrequited love for gojo

⏤ persephone!geto x hades!reader

⏤ santa maria aquamarine (yan gojo)

BATVERSE :

⏤ platonic!yan!batfam, “shades of cool” : pt l, pt ll,

MHA :

⏤ venom!reader fanfic promo

RANTS :

⏤ mei mei and mahito fans scare me

ORIGINAL STUFF IDK :

⏤ The Villainess and The Madmen : (Ch1),

guys ik it's looking rlly bleak right now but we gotta weather thru the storm 😭

[rae-writes]

your writing is really amazing damnn

If it's okay with you may I request a risky sex with Mephistopheles? Like imagine doing it next to Lucifer room, MC try so hard not get caught and moan while Mephisto purposely do it rough just to piss off MC

AND also imagine if Lucifer knock on MC door to asking about the noise while they are doing it and Mephisto tell MC to reply to Lucifer while still pounding on them so MC struggling to not making anything suspicious at all HAHA

hope you never lost your bottle cap thankss

nsfw // gn!reader // lowercase intended

"Shh, Mc. You're too loud- you don't wanna get caught, do you? Though you seem to like that idea."

papers and books littered the floor half haphazardly, having been swiped off the table in mephisto's desperation to have you then and there.

your chest was flush against the wooden table in your room, hands white-knuckling the sides for stability as he pounded into you roughly.

his own hands had a bruising grip on your hips, teeth bared with his fangs on show, growling right next to your ear, "fuck, you feel so fucking good-"

"m-mephisto!" gasping, your let your head fall against the table, "slow d-OWN!"

a knock at your door had your blood icing over, but it didn't stop the fire licking at your insides the faster mephisto went— the bastard was doing it on purpose.

"mc? are you alright?" lucifer. he must've been next door in the common room.

the rich toned chuckle from the demon behind you made it hard to think, "y-yes, 'm fine, just stubbed my t-toe." one of your hands stretched to splay over mephisto's abdomen, sending a silent plea to slow down.

he intertwined his fingers with yours and slammed the hand right back down onto the table, "no!" he hissed, "cum- now. fucking cum all over my cock even though lucifer's right outside the door. come on, give it to me, cum for me- now!"

you bit down on your lip harshly, tasting a copper tang. it flooded your mouth just as your walls began convulsing, cumming despite your wishes at mephisto's command.

"are you sure? I smell blood."

mephsito's free hand came around to pry your jaw open, turning your head so his tongue could invade your mouth and lap at all the blood that had pooled, "fuck, fuck, fuck, yes- just like that, keep tightening around me-"

desperate to get lucifer to leave, you bit at the male's fingers, shaking your head free of his grip to quickly exclaim, "yes! just hit it really hard, 'm fine, I promise!"

a noise of affirmation left the demon behind the door, footsteps fading just in time for mephisto to push you down harder with a low 'thud' and growl loudly-

"cumming!" he gave a few more frantic thrusts before stilling, panting hotly against your neck, "f-fuck...my human...mine."

"Hush, Mephisto. S'too loud- gonna get us caught...sounds kinda fun though, right?"

harsh panting filled the bedroom, mixed with moans and the occasional whine. mephistopheles sat practically boneless in his own chair- in his own bedroom- while you rode him desperately.

“missed you s’much, ‘phisto— wanted you so. fucking. badly.” nipping at his neck, you tugged on his hair until you were face to face, “you wanted me too, right? left me right at the edge before leaving for two weeks- s’mean to me. g’na make up for it.”

“i-i’m sorry, I can make up for it later, I p-promise!” mephisto let out another, louder, whine when you shifted your hips, “lord diavolo is going to be here any minute-!”

it was clear by the way you sped up that you didn’t care in the slightest; you knew what you wanted and you were taking it.

muffling his noises with his hand, he hoped that diavolo would just wait in the foyer until he made an appearance because honestly,

“o-oh fuck, mc, yeah like that-“

mephisto didn’t want you to stop. the way you were bouncing on his cock like it was your own personal toy had him keening— you just felt too fucking good wrapped around him. his legs were like jello from how well you were fucking him and mephisto wasn’t stopping for anybody.

even if they were knocking at the door. “mephistopheles? lord diavolo and I have arrived. your parents said you haven’t been out of your room for a while—“

“—are you feeling well, mephisto?” diavolo sounded so concerned, it would’ve made you laugh if you weren’t so focused on the demon in question.

gritting his teeth, mephisto rushed out a “i’m perfectly fine, my lord!” before he was crashing his lips on yours to muffle his whimpering. his eyes widened when you stopped bouncing, mouth threatening to let out a cry.

you hushed him, rolling your hips to grind instead. “you’re close, yeah, ‘phisto? i want it- give it to me. wanna feel it, please, please, please!”

he shook his head in defiance- like he had any choice when you worked his cock just right - and grabbed at your hips in an attempt to stop you, “not— shit, baby— not right now, by the devils, not right now-“

“are you certain? you sound a bit strained.”

slapping his hands away, you used one to grip his hair and the other to push him flush against the chair, “want. it. give it to me, mephisto, need it, pretty please? cum. for. me!”

mephisto gasped, voice louder than it should’ve been, “yesmylordi’mcertain!” before tapering down into a whisper, “fuck, mc, m'cumming! don’t stop, don’t fucking stop!”

your teeth found their way back to his neck, biting down over his pulse point, "good fucking boy."

"if you insist. barbatos and I shall wait downstairs for you."

he didn't have any time to reply before you were tugging him out of the chair and shoving him onto his bed.

"wanna sit on your face first. make me cum, too, 'phisto."

[theultimatekamehamehavoc]

Post Game

Marriage

Before I go into my little blabbering session about my own junk, like, gosh! Doing this was so cool and I feel I've improved so much! Seeing all the other pieces done by others was really awesome too! The highlight in fact which is par for the course of this kinda stuff. But still! Everyone did so well and freaking amazing! So much pretty arts! So many differing interpretations and art styles. Golly! Should totally do something like this again cus this was such a nice experience :))

Post Game - This one's pretty simple. Put them in their Future Foundation suits which are just suits behind a beach that is vaugly Jabberwock. And, they blush cus gay. Had fun with the TV effect and making it somewhat old looking. That's about it. Though, the more I look at it, the more Byakuya looks like he could be snapped in half like spaghetti which I guess is something ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Marriage - This one is the one I did first and is a lot more refined. Decided to take this one in a bit of a different direction too. Instead of them actually getting married, they instead are just playing around with a fake certificate that they photoshopped and printed from online. At least for me, how I read them is that they don't actually get married. Like, they live together in the same place, sleep in the same bed even, but they don't get married. OR, if they do get married, it's small and just a legal document. No big wedding or anything as, the time they are probably at the age to marry, they're already tired of big stuff like that. It'd be a big event and they'd want something more small and quaint instead, either hanging out together or maybe it's Makoto's idea to invite their friends along for the occasion. This is just how I interpret them though. Also, I find it funnier if they just fake it or they never do but Byakuya SO put Makoto in his will and Makoto also secretly put Byakuya in his and they just never tell the other until one of them croaks first. Either that or Makoto says it openly that Byakuya's in his will and the heir just laughs it off, underestimating Makoto and his determination on the will. Also, speaking of them dying, if it's Byakuya first, old man Makoto's taking the gesture well though emotional cus the rich man dead. If it's Byakuya though, he's obviously sad but also sees the will and a part of him goes "CURSE YOU, MAKOTO!!". Not seriously but because Byakuya's thinking of how Makoto didn't need to give him stuff after his death cus I feel Makoto wouldn't skimp out. He's putting all his family and pals in his will as one final send off. He'd make sure that will was the best it could be! Also, I feel Byakuya would feel weird that he's in the same will as Makoto's family and, no matter how long they've been together, it's just so strange. Even when he's gone, he still has a way to make him feel. Gosh, this got kinda sad um... One other thing I wanna mention of this piece is that Makoto either stole Byakuya's tie or he got his own matching one. Also, Byakuya in pretty dress! I had to! Oh, and Makoto totally got help writing his name cus it's in English and Makoto's kinda ass at it. They are totally standing for a picture too. Maybe they got one of the gang to take the pic or they set it up with one of their phones. Or maybe Byakuya just got a really expensive photographer for this and also booked a painter to paint this photo into a painting to put on their bedroom wall. That is equally plausible. And to think that I contemplated and even teased the idea in my head of drawing these two getting fake married with an Elvis impersonator. That might have been a bit TOO goofy though O_O

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Don't Speak 20

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, stalking, manipulation, reclusive behaviour, disordered eating, dissociation, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Reader is a reclusive loner who ventures down to the library on a simple mission. Her task is complicated by the man she meets there. (f!short!reader)

Character: librarian!Andy Barber

Note: Andrew is back.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. Take care. 💖

“I want you to take this,” Dr. Kemp turns back to you, holding a spiral notebook with black and white cover, “and I want you to use it.”

You stare, uncertain as he crosses the room. Use it? How?

“You can write down your feelings, you can make lists for yourself, you can track the days…” he explains, “but I want you to put something in it every day. Can you do that for me?”

You look at the notebook as he holds it out. You slowly take it with both hands, lowering it to your lap as you run your thumbs up and down the cover. It’s brand new. You can smell the freshness of the paper.

“Can I draw in it?” You ask.

“Sure, if that’s what works for you,” he affirms, “that’s for you. You can bring it with you to our next appointment, but you don’t need to show me anything. It’s just there so you can record your moods and anything that might be a trigger for you.

“Oh,” you look up at him shyly, meeting his bold blue eyes for only a second before dropping your head.

“This is a safe place, alright? I want you to think of it like that. Everything within these walls stays between us. Our little secret.”

“Okay,” you hug the notebook to your chest.

“And I want you to set yourself a little goal every day. Nothing big, alright? It could be a shower, it could be reading a chapter of a book, it could be as simple as walking around the house,” he continues, “but you can’t stay in bed all the time. You gotta take care of yourself. You have to give yourself love and those things are the best sort of love.”

You nod and rock slightly, “yes, doctor. Are we… done now?”

“Are we?” He bends and crosses his arms over the back of the empty chair, “that’s up to you.”

“I… I think. I don’t wanna waste any more of your time.”

“Waste? No. See? Don’t talk about yourself like that. You didn’t waste my time, you enriched it,” he smiles, you see only a glimpse of how it brightens his features. “I think you should go home and get some rest. You came all the way here and you did a really good job.”

He pushes himself straight, “I’ll have my receptionist schedule a follow-up.”

“Thank you, doctor,” you stand and pick at the corner of the notebook.

“You let Andy take care of you too, huh? He’s worried,” he extends his arm, directing you to the door, “he’s a good friend of mine.”

“Uh, alright,” you murmur as he walks with you to the door. He rests his hand on the handle and you smell his cologne, rich but overwhelming. 

“It was really nice meeting you,” he turns the handle slowly.

“You too,” you squeak.

“See ya around,” he opens the door, “and remember, take care of you.”

“Thanks,” you keep your chin down as you exit.

Andy sits in the waiting room at the edge of his seat. He grips his knees and stands swiftly as he sees you. He must’ve been waiting a very long time. That felt like it lasted forever. The tension in his forehead slackens as you approach.

“How was it, honey? You okay?” He asks, his tone slightly addled.

“Yes, er, maybe,” you answer, “I don’t know.”

“What’s that?” He taps the top of the notebook.

“Um, a journal.”

“Steve gave that to you?”

You nod.

“That’s very nice of him. Well, how about we stop and buy you some nice pens to write in it?”

“You don’t have to…”

“I have to grab a few things,” he interjects, “I kind of… fell behind. I haven’t been out of the house, you know? I couldn’t leave you, I was so worried.”

“Oh? What about work?” You wonder tremulously.

“I had some time banked, it’s really not a big deal, but I gotta grab some groceries and we can look at some cute pens…”

“Can’t… can’t you do it later?”

He doesn’t answer right away. He rubs his beard and exhales. “Well, I’d have to drop you off and then come all the way back–”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you blurt out as you hear his disappointment, “I’m sorry, no, we can go, I just… I’m tired, is all.”

“It’s okay, honey. We’ll try to be fast, how about that?”

You nod and hide behind your lashes. Your guilt flows over and chokes you tightly. He brought you all the way here and missed work and it’s all your fault. Because you’re broken and useless.

“I’ll… I’ll try to make dinner,” you suggest, “Dr. Kemp says I should set goals.”

“Alright, sounds good,” Andy softens, “we should get going before it’s too busy.”

🕊️

You sit in the car, fluttering through the blank pages as Andy drives. You should write about your appointment. Put down everything that Dr. Kemp said before you forget. That’s a good plan. He’s right, it’s easy to set small goals.

“Hey, uh, I uh, can I talk to you?” Andy turns down the music.

“Er sure,” you shrug.

“Right, um, I wasn’t sure when to– or how to– I don’t wanna upset you, you know that, right? That I wouldn’t hurt you?” He begins, fingers tapping on the steering wheel.

You blink and stare at the dashboard, “I know, Andy. You’ve… done a lot for me.”

“I wouldn’t put it like that. It’s not… I don’t consider it a task, but er, the other day, I wanted to say sorry,” he clears his throat, squirming in his seat, “I should’ve knocked.”

Your throat tightens and you sit back stiffly. Your whole body locks up as the memory enshrines you. The damp air, the hot water, him staring at you, at your naked body.

“No,” you utter, “no, I don’t want to talk about it.”

He’s quiet as he turns the wheel, “sorry, sweetie, like I said, I don’t want to upset you. I just want… I’m just sorry for bursting in like that. I never want you to feel unsafe. Especially with me.”

“I… don’t,” you sniff, “it was just… a mistake. Can we forget it?”

“Sure,” he accepts, “yeah, let’s just forget it.”

“Thanks,” you lean into the door, watching the traffic through the window. 

Your body is covered in goosebumps. You feel like he’s seeing it all again. Just talking about it makes you feel exposed. What he must have thought about you. Hideous and gross.

“Here we are,” Andy says as the blinker clicks loudly.

He steers into a large lot and you peer up at the mall marquee. What are you doing here? You thought he was going to the grocery store?

“I got coupons for the place in here,” he explains as if reading your mind, “they just opened it, put it where the Target was.”

“Oh… I… never come here…”

“I think you’ll like it. They have everything– damn, not a lot of spots left. We’ll have to walk a bit.” He rolls into a space, “might be good for you to stretch your legs. We can always sit if you need to.”

You don’t argue. You feel bad enough. You won’t get in his way again.

“Sure.”

You get out and leave the notebook on the seat. Andy waits for you by the bumper and you follow him up the row of cars. You stop and wait to cross to the nearest entrance. The place is vast and makes your heart pound. There’s so many people coming and going through the many doors.

Inside, you feel a greater sense of doom. Shoppers brushing too close, teens speaking loudly in large groups, children screaming and mothers with strollers. Unthinkingly you grab onto Andy’s arm, keeping close to him.

“Hey,” he looks down at you as he leads you through the wide walkway.

“Just… don’t wanna get lost,” you cling to him tighter at the thought.

“That’s alright,” he smiles and looks around, “oh, hey…” He pulls you over to a shop window, “look at that.”

He points to the dress on the mannequin. It’s a nice shade of blue with the silhouette of birds patterned across it. Very pretty but you don’t wear dresses.

“Cute, huh?”

“Yeah.”

He stares, unmoving. You glance around. Where is the grocery store? You just want to leave this place.

“Come on,” he tugs you towards the entrance of the shop, “we can see if they have it in your size.”

“What? No. Andy. That’s okay. I don’t… I don’t need a dress.”

He stops just inside, “maybe, but do you want it?”

You chew your cheek, “I don’t know…”

“Look, you really don’t have that many clothes. I didn’t want to embarrass you but I spoke with Steve and he said… maybe it would be good to get you some new things. Like a refresh. Start new–”

“You said. You said we came to get groceries.”

“We did, honey, but I left this out. I was trying to surprise you. I thought– I thought it was a nice surprise.”

You see his expression fall. Oh no. You feel awful. You’re not trying to complain or be ungrateful, you just hate crowds and all these strangers.

“I… okay, it is nice. Andy,” you let go of him, “really, it’s so nice. No one ever… Amber always got me handmedowns, but I never…” you put your hands behind you and bounce on your toes, “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine, I know it’s all very new. I wasn’t trying to upset you or scare you,” he says, “maybe we could just look online.”

It’s clear he’s disappointed, if not agitated. You feel rotten. You remind yourself of all that he’s done and every time, you just whine like a baby.

“No, we can look around…” you try to smile.

He gives you a thoughtful look then peeks around the shop, “alright… well, you wanna try the dress on?”

You wince. You typically didn’t try things on at the thrift shop. You just picked things that looked like they would fit. The idea of getting undressed here, even in a private stall, is scary. Don’t be a baby.

“Okay,” you acquiesce, “I could do that.”

“Great,” he says and claps his hands.

He spins on his heel and you trail him as he confidently weaves between the tables and other shoppers. He stops before the dresses hung behind the window and sifts through the hangers. He slips one of the blue ones off the rod and holds it up.

“I think this is your size? I’m not sure.”

“Looks like,” you mutter, “um, I’ll… try it.”

“We can look at a few other things,” he offers.

“Maybe after?”

“Alright,” he searches around and flags down one of the employees, “excuse me, she wants to try this one.”

“Wonderful,” the woman chimes and takes the hanger from him, “just the one?”

“For now,” Andy smiles.

“This way, sweetheart,” the woman says as she beckons you with her long acrylic nails.

You follow her and Andy brings up the rear. She takes you around the counter and through a doorway. A row of stalls line the wall and she unlocks one with a key, hanging the dress inside. She steps back and leaves the door open for you.

“It’s all yours. Let me know if I can get you anything else. My name’s Isa.”

“Thanks,” you murmur mousily and she grins before strutting off.

“I’ll be out here,” Andy says as he sits on the bench.

You enter the changing room and close the door, certain to slide the bar through the loop. You turn and see yourself in the mirror. You flinch. You look down at your feet, refusing to acknowledge your reflection.

You undress then grab the dress. You pull down the zipper and shimmy it on. You strain to pull the zipper back up and fix the skirt so it hangs down properly. The skirt ends above your knees.

“Everything okay?” Andy calls from outside.

“Good,” you squeak and turn to face the door. You grab the side of the skirt, holding it firmly as you slide open the lock. You open the door reluctantly and reveal yourself. You clutch the other seam, “I think it’s a bit short.”

Andy looks at you. His cheek twitches as he sits up and smiles, “really? Looks fine to me…” he stares, making you squirm, “looks really nice on you, dove.”

“I don’t know…”

He nods and bites his lower lip, “it’s whatever you want.”

There it is again. Disappointed. You look down. It’s not that short and it is pretty. You could put a sweater over it and maybe some leggings underneath.

“I’ll get it,” you raise your head, “thanks, Andy.”

“Of course,” he says brightly.

You retreat into the dressing room and change back into your own clothes. You slip the dress back onto the hanger and bring it out with you. He takes it from you and guides you back into the shop. He stops you at a rack of jewelry.

“Look,” he grabs a silver necklace with a bird charm, “it’ll go with the dress.”

“Oh, sure,” you agree. Whatever he wants, you’ll get. You’d hate to overstep and you don’t exactly have a good sense of style. “Very pretty.”

“Let’s just have a look around, you never know… maybe find some nice shoes too?”

You nod and let him lead the way. As you progress through the shop, he picks out more things; some skirts, a sweater, some shirts, more jewelry, even some belts. He has an armful by the time you approach the checkout. You wring your hands. That’s a whole lot of stuff.

“Someone’s birthday?” Isa asks as she greets you at the counter.

“Uh, no, just… shopping,” Andy answers, “she needed a few things.”

“A few?” Isa scoffs, “I wish I had a husband who would spoil me with just a few things.”

“Husband?” You blanch.

Andy chuckles, “she deserves it.”

You notice how he doesn’t correct her. Maybe he feels too awkward. Like you.

“Sir, would you like to buy one of our membership cards? It’ll get you twenty percent off today’s purchase.”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” he pulls out his wallet, “how much?”

“It’s twenty dollars annually, gets you ten percent off every purchase.”

“Not bad, sure, why not? We might be back.”

“Andy,” you say softly.

He ignores you as he gets his card free. You watch the total mount as Isa scans each item. Somehow, this doesn’t feel like a favour. It’s just another number to add to the tally of what you owe him.

[i-smoke-chapstick]

Okay I think I’ve finally come up with a plot for that jervis story I was telling you about. This is pretty long- I’m sorry 😭

Basically could follow the same plots as the ‘come on Eileen’ story with an age gap but obv themed for Jervis’s character. For the sake of everything, since this could be already dark-ish, instead of Alice being his sister, she’s his coworker. Very similar story tied with the btas version. Anyways continuing that, let’s say reader is Jim and Barbara’s kid all the way from episode 1 when they were still in there couple era (I miss it 😔). Jim had custody over reader when Barbara was sent to Arkham but once she’s out and running the sirens club, her and Jim come to an agreement for the sake of the reader to co-parent. Reader is about 10-13 during that time and then jumping to like season 3 with jervis being introduced, reader is around 17-19 (I’m not sure if this is the realistic time jump but whatever). During the first episode with how Barbara introduces tabby to jervis, imagine that same scenario but with reader also present. Jervis realizes how much reader reminds him of the book version of Alice with their curiosity, ambition, etc. I’d like to imagine Barbara finds it cute in a way similar with that one fix you did when jervis was leaving stuff for the reader while tabby is like “Stay away from the baby 😡”.

Now when Alice gets killed, we know jervis makes him go through all these games of killing and stuff and then he has to choose the one he loves. Instead of Val, it’s reader. As much as Jervis doesn’t want to hurt his current crush, he tries to be nicer about it and shoots them where the bullet won’t damage them as bad?? Idk where else I’m goin with this lol. I’ll let you come up with whatever else you wanna do. Be creative if you’d like.

I’d say basically it follows the plot of season 3 but without Alice and reader is present.

Thank you Cupid 🙏🖤

'DON'T BLAME ME, [PART ONE]

-GOTHAM!JERVIS TETCH X READER-

⋆ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 ; Everything's always the same in Gotham. Hard to imagine things changing.

⋆ tags/warnings. GOTHAM!jervis x female reader. SLOW BURN!!! Not sure how many chapters this will be yet! LOTS OF PLOT SET-UP!! AGE GAP ROMANCE! (reader is Jim and Barbara's daughter) Readers got trauma. Reader's also a cynic and dissociating. She fell first, he fell harder. Writing this kind of artistically and as character studies for everyone. Jervis being an obsessive freak, per usual. Jervis and reader are soulmates, not just in his head but in real life! More about reader is revealed as the story goes on. I'm taking canon out back and beating it with a stick until it stops twitching.

⋆ tag list (tell me if you want to be removed!) @adalwolfgang @jervis-tetch-my-beloved @honestmrdual @moonlightnyx

⋆ 'PART ONE, - 'PART TWO, - ‘PART THREE, - ‘PART FOUR, - ‘PART FIVE, - ‘PART SIX, - 'PART SEVEN, - 'PART EIGHT, - 'PART NINE, -'PART TEN, - 'PART ELEVEN, - 'PART TWELVE, - 'PART THIRTEEN, - 'PART FOURTEEN,

Special thanks to @adalwolfgang for giving me the idea for this fic <3 really really excited to make this multichapter !!

♫ “Echoes of your name inside my mind / Halo, hiding my obsession.” Don't Blame Me by Taylor Swift

You feel like your ten again, staring into space, watching the passerby's from inside a Gala. You're mother used to take you there, when you're dad wasn't available.

You sometimes miss it, even though you used to complain. You hated just sitting there, hours on end, seeing rich people dance; like there weren't people being murdered on the street two blocks down. Maybe you took after your father in that aspect. It was a curse.

Your mom used to do your hair. You remember the way she finger-twirled your curls, gasping as she looked in the mirror. Eyes wide, she always said the same thing.

"Look at you, you're gorgeous!" You'd laugh and hit her on the shoulder, young and innocent. Sometimes, you'd make a mess of her lipsticks and bronzer. You'd try on her dresses which were far too tall for your young stature.

The sound of yelling rips you away from your thoughts.

This place isn't a gala. It's a club. And you didn't get ready with your mom, you got ready in the morning, waking up alone in your dads house.

You watch the two men argue from across the bar. You're cradling a drink; unsure what to do with it. Selina had stole it for you, somehow. You didn't ask questions anymore. You'd known her since you were eleven and she was eight. You didn't really like to drink. She knew that. You don't know where she ran off too.

Mindlessly stirring your glass in your palm, you can't help but squint under the bright blue lights. This place...it's not your first choice of where you'd like to be right now. Never is.

You hear a feminine voice calling you to the front of the club, and you can already guess who it is. You haven't seen her in a little over a week, not that it matters.

You decide to down your drink anyway. Who cares.

Pushing your way through the crowds of Gothamites, you notice the stage light up. Your mother and Tabitha stand in grand dresses. Tabitha's resting, one arm on the bar, looking effectively bored out of her mind. Your mother, on the contrary, looks utterly pleased. You fight the urge to snort.

There's a man on the stage. Long hair, cat-like smile. Your eyes follow the contours of his cheek bones. He's spouting something about waking up from an animal-identity. You're frankly lost, staring into his dark eyes. They look pitch black.

Sounds of clapping arise from the back. You simply suck your teeth. Someone new comes into the club everyday with a different act. This guy certainly wasn't any different.

"A magician? Really?" Tabitha asks, interrupting your thoughts. She sounds displeased and confounded, unsure what to make of Barbara's smile.

"Hypnotist." Your mom answers, correcting her. Ah, so thats what he is. You think. Couldn't hypnotize himself to have a better act? You almost make yourself laugh. Barbara mistakes it for agreeance.

"See! I like him! Y/N likes him!" Barbara chimes, smile lighting up to be a bit more genuine at your laugh. "Like mother like daughter. Plus, the place is packed. Be happy." She waves her drink around. Tabitha still looks peeved.

You want to correct her, but the words 'like mother like daughter' make bile rise in your throat. You don't speak.

"Just a taste, ladies and gentlemen." The man purrs, pulling your attention to him. That dark stare of his never once leaves the crowd. "But now...let us venture into something more arcane."

His eyes drift to you in the crowd, and it feels like a jolt of electricity. You wonder if he feels it too. He must have, since he cocks his head, pausing in his words for a little too long. His brows furrow, until the crowd begins to murmur. It's awfully intense.

You tear your gaze away to look at your mom, wondering if she was who he was looking at instead. It would certainly make more sense, given they must've been around the same age. But as soon as your gaze leaves his, the man clears his throat, and goes right back to speaking.

"The hell was that?" Tabitha whispers to me, and my mind goes blank.

"...No clue."

We watch the rest of the act, intrigued. He makes a man stand on the back of a chair, which definitely does not obey the laws of physics whatsoever. I can see why some people might find this amusing.

Your mom does bring up a good question though.

"So you could get him to do anything you wanted?" She asks, abet too excitedly. You want to roll your eyes. When you were younger, she would've made fun of this guy with you.

The man looks between the two of us, and you squint your eyes.

"Did you have something in mind, Ms. Kean?" He asks, and her gaze darkens. You feel a little sick.

As the act finishes, the man takes one too many bows, but the crowd eats it up. That blinding blue light still bounces off his face. Something about it is...unsettling. You notice it more as he stalks towards the three of you.

"Very impressive, Mr. Tetch." Your mom compliments. Mr. Tetch, huh. Well, you finally have a name for the man. "You have quite the gift. But you didn't answer my question. Can you make people do anything you tell them to do?" She speaks, slowly. Mr. Tetch looks flattered at the praise.

He clicks his tongue. "Only things they secretly wish to do," he remarks, eyes falling on me once more. "It's surprising what people will wish for," His eye contact remains on you, voice getting quieter. "Secretly. Deep down." He repeats.

Your mother makes a sound akin to a pleased hum. Tabitha looks between the man and you, and she looks less than amused.

"True," Tabitha speaks, pushing you to the side a bit. You watch as his gaze leaves yours, and snaps up to her. There's a ghost of a scowl on both of their faces that suddenly makes you confused. "You must be a very popular man."

She takes a swig out of her drink as she says the words, a bit sarcastically. Mr. Tetch, or whatever his name is, doesn't falter in his resolve. He instead offers a polite chuckle.

"Oh, I wish. Parties like this help pave my way, so, thank you."

"And you're new to Gotham?" Your mom asks.

"Yes...just arrived from up north."

"You have a place to stay?" Tabitha asks, head cocked. You begin to feel a bit embarrassed, heat rising in your clothes. They're asking the guy way too many questions. And he's a new comer. Poor man probably doesn't know a thing.

Before the man can answer, you butt in.

"Let the man breathe." You huff, and all three of them look at you in unison. Eyes-narrowed on you, the man blinks. Barbara looks at you, surprised, and Tabitha glares daggers.

Silence surrounds the four of you, and you shiver uncomfortably.

"Just saying." You mumble. Barbara raises an eyebrow.

"You'll have to excuse her. This is my daughter, Y/N."

Jervis's face lights up in realization.

"Ah, I see." He remarks, taking your hand. Tabitha instinctively steps close, watching the way he takes it. He presses a soft kiss to your knuckles. "Pleasure to meet you, Ms. Y/N."

"Thank you," You say, softly, looking into his eyes. It really does feel like time stops. You can understand why people are hypnotized by him.

Tabitha finally steps in between you two, as Barbara watches the interaction with vague intrigue. He drops your hand with some reluctance. You don't blame him.

"I think you should get going." Tabitha says, firm. The man simply nods.

"Very well. Enjoy your night." He speaks. "Ms. Kean, Ms. Y/N." He bids one last nod of goodbye, before turning on his heel.

[razzek]

Reading Pern fic and realizing that it's always queen riders or future queen rider Mary Sue type characters who here all dragons and I am now desperate for a green rider with the ability. I know in canon it's rare and has to do with bloodlines and is a women only talent that's maybe twice in a generation. We got Lessa and Ariana (? the gal in Renegades who has such a bad time she avoids dragons) and maaaaybe Moreta (it's been a long time since I read that one). But if it's going to crop up in fanfic and RP constantly, I want to see someone that everybody pins all these expectations onto and they end up riding green to the dismay of all but them. (I love greens, second best dragons to me, only topped by blues which seem to be the only dragon an ace person can ride, but the culture around them and the way their riders are treated is fascinating.) If the green rider in question was a trans man maybe no problems there or nothing would change (though that's a story I'd be interested to read in general, a trans man in canon Pern society riding green, which had to have happened at least twice in their 2k year history). But if you had someone who was being brought up and expected to ride gold and she gets a "crappy" green, the political fallout alone would be fascinating.

Man I wish I had the stamina to write longer fics. I have so many ideas for Pern stuff (most of them horrible; I am somewhat disappointed that purity culture in fandom spaces has kept people from exploring and digging down into the real canon implications that were always present in the books; I understand not wanting to do that on a personal level, but it's disappointing that a lot of writers will avoid it solely for fear of purity assholes coming after them). If Anne herself was allowed to write really shitty attempts at confronting some of this stuff (looking at you, Skies of Pern, ugh) why aren't fans allowed to tackle it honestly and better instead of just pretending it doesn't happen? But on the flip side, where's the exploration of queerness in it’s entirety from fan writers? I've seen trans women green riders and of course lots of gay men, but where my ace blue riders and lesbians and trans men and so many others be at? Aaaanyway....

This became a tangent. tleadr: it's been like 60 years of fanfic and I'm bored of the same old runaway rich girl who hears all dragons becoming a queen rider stories. XD Nothing against that sort of self indulgence, everyone gets to write that kind of wish fulfillment. :) I'm just bored and I wanna read something new but don't have the energy to write it, alas.

[project-sekai-facts]

project sekai twitter once again fighting over tsukasa having nuance. this week's episode: the bedroom vs the sekai

lmao i actually wrote an analysis of this on my personal blog a couple days ago but i'll do a quick one for here too because I don't wanna link it.

So something I learnt in college last year is that when writing a character, designing their room can really help to give them personality. Like it can tell you about who they are as a person, what their hobbies are, what they like, the situation they live in (<- that one doesn't really apply here all we can learn w Tsukasa is that his family is rich).

The thing is, his room doesn't really tell us a whole lot about him. Compared to every other character, there's way less to learn about him from his room. Imagine looking at this from the perspective of someone who knows absolutely nothing about the game. His room is mostly tidy which suggests he likes to keep things clean, maybe he's a bit of a perfectionist. There's a desk so he's probably a student. There's some books on the floor so maybe he likes to read. He's got that big mirror and he puts his lamp above it like a spotlight, so maybe he's a bit vain and showy. His display cabinet is filled with trophies (only at night but that's probably an art error), so there must be something he's really good at. But there's nothing that tells us what that is.

That's the thing. There’s a limit on how much we can learn from what we’re given. He’s a student, he’s a perfectionist, there’s something he’s really good at and won awards for, and he’s got a bit of an ego on him. But look at this from the perspective of someone who knows nothing about the character again. Would you be surprised to learn that his main interest is theatre? Because aside from the desk lamp spotlight there’s no way to tell (the desk lamp spotlight doesn’t really tell you either). You have to read Dazzling Light to learn that those trophies are for piano, because there’s no way to tell by just looking that he plays piano or has any interest in music.

There’s a lack of anything that interests him. That’s the thing. Even with Mafuyu and Toya, who also have pretty plain rooms, you can learn more about their interests than you can with Tsukasa. Mafuyu has a fish tank and there’s a synth on her bottom shelf. The synth being tucked away might mean she's trying to hide it. Toya has a collection of plushies and a sound system, as well as a piano covered with a sheet. We can infer that he likes to collect stuffed toys and he likes music, although he doesn't want to play piano. But with Tsukasa there's nothing. Well, there's some books, but reading isn't really a huge interest of his. It's the fact that the biggest part of his character is missing from his room that gets people.

However as soon as you go into the SEKAI there's a fucking theatre. The SEKAI mainly reflects his childhood interests but it still does more than his present-day bedroom.

So while yes, his room tells us about who Tsukasa is as a person, it doesn't tell us about anything he likes or is interested in. It's... boring.

The thing is since the game doesn't address it, there's multiple different ways to interpret why his room is like that, and neither of them are wrong or right until it actually is brought up in the game or confirmed by devs. On the one hand, maybe he just likes to keep his room as neat and tidy as possible. Maybe he doesn't want to put any playbooks or costumes or posters or anything because it would create clutter. But on the other hand, we already know that when he was younger he put on an act to be more brave and mature because of the situation with Saki, so maybe that carried over into his room. Neither of these are wrong until proven otherwise.

i lied this wasn't quick it's just a complete longer rewrite of what's on my personal blog

[squarebracket-trickster]

9 People you want to know better

Huge thank you to uhhh *checks drafts* @words-after-midnight - their post here, @bluberimufim - her post here, @touloserlautrec - his/their post here

Currently reading: City of Bones by Cassie Clare. I never read it during it's peak when I was literally the right age demographic and I feel like I missed out. It's not the strongest writing in the world but I am enjoying it so far. It's been interesting to go back and reread a bunch of "older" YA - like pre-2016-ish. There is so much more filler, banter, character moments than in the post-2016 stuff, especially post-2019. Like it was right around that time that publishing shifted to the "everything has to advance the plot and be super fast paced" mentality. And tbh... I like the old stuff better. It spawned larger fandoms with more staying power - I mean, how many post-2019 booktok popular books have more than 100 fanfics on AO3? I think I'm not the only one who misses the slower, more character focused YA.

Last song I listened to: Avril Lavine's Keep Holding On was on the radio while I was driving home from work. 10 year-old me knew all the words. 20-something me still does.

Currently watching: I haven't watched any TV or movies is so long oh my gosh. But! I did go see murder mystery play with my friend last Friday night!

Current fic I'm reading: [do I confess to having a secret whump blog here? My anxiety is pretty bad rn. Which means I have been devouring and regurgitating whump like no tomorrow. I have read and written so much holy]

Current hyperfixation (changed from obsession because I don't use that language. I do, however, have ADHD): yeah... uhhh... whump.

Favourite colour: Green, specifically the shade of the underside of a maple leaf caught in the sun. But I am also very partial to any rich blue or pink.

Spicy, sweet, savory, or salty? A little bit of everything. I like it when dishes are made with really high-quality ingredients that speak for themselves and don't need to be disguised with sugar, spices, or salt.

Relationship status: *cries in single* where meet men in my city????

Last thing I Googled: hypothermia whump... yeah... (also apparently I googled the word lapel to make sure it meant exactly what I thought it meant)

Song stuck in my head: OH I am the QUEEN of getting shit stuck in my head! I once had "In Flanders Fields" the POEM - not even a song - stuck in my head in both English AND FRENCH. It wasn't even November... Currently, it's the "I had a little turtle, his name was tiny tim" song... it's been days help

Favourite food: Kiisseli (a Finnish stewed berry dessert.) I am also partial to a very juicy steak.

Dream trip: I wanna go to Ireland so bad. But I need to know some Irish person willing to teach me harp techniques first.

Gently tagging (you don't have to answer all of these. I just chose to combine three tags in one): @nacricissa *ahem*, @malapertmarquess, @ditzydisko, @dyrewrites, @toribookworm22, @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @blackrosesandwhump, @beloveddawn-blog, @unhingednovelist

[formulapookie]

I honestly don't know if this has been written before but maybe rosquez and 32 👉👈

32. to wake up

Vale has been still for the past ten minutes, too scared to do any movement that would cause Marc to wake up.

He’s perfect right now, he’s perfect always Vale would say, but when he sleeps and doesn’t have to worry about racing, training, or his arm he’s relaxed, calm, and it makes Vale’s heart jump because of how beautiful he is.

Vale knows he’s not bad looking at all, he knows he is hot, but Marc, he is something else.

He’s perfect, from the soft curve of his lips to his nose, to his beautiful brown eyes and the gorgeous smile he has.

His body seems designed by Gods as every other little thing about him, like that small mole he has on his right pec and that Vale has kissed so many times.

When he’s sleeping he looks like a painting, ethereal, untouchable almost, and despite that Marc is resting on top of Vale, head on his chest and one arm tight around his waist.

Marc who’s dreaming of them racing together at the Ranch, once they will have told everyone about their relationship.

This time it will work, Marc knows, Vale knows, even Alex from whom the relationship had been kept a secret for a total of six hours, knew this time was different.

They have plans today, they want to go to a private beach Vale had booked for them only, for privacy but also to show off some wealth, even if Marc is rich on his own. 

They should’ve been up half an hour ago, but Vale didn’t have the heart to wake him, he wanted to bathe in his perfection a bit longer. 

When the clock ticks 10 in the morning thought Vale knows he has to disturb Marc’s sleep, because if he doesn’t they’ll end up going to the beach too late and then Marc will not be able to have his photoshoot, where Vale basically follows him around to every little beautiful place where he can take pictures with the sea and make Vale pray to every God to please let this be over so they can go tan or swim.

Even tho Vale loves taking pictures of him, he can hold onto the pictures for how long he likes and most of them are really beautiful and Vale finds himself thirsting over them.

He moves a strand of hair from Marc’s forehead and places a kiss there, whispering next to the boys ear.

“Amore, you need to wake up, it's late, don’t you wanna go take pictures?”

“Mmmh Vale why did you wake me I want to sleep”

“I know I know bimbo but it’s 10 already, I know you want to get to the beach early to take pictures”

“Another kiss”

Vale smiles, and gives him one more kiss on his forehead, making Marc laugh.

“One more and I wake up… maybe”

Vale wiggles himself from Marc’s hold and presses his lips against his boyfriend’s, who reciprocates by deepening it.

“Mh Marc Marc I'd love this right now I swear, but we have plans today don’t you want to follow them?”

Marc opens his eyes now, clearly fully awake even if he’s got bed hair and the imprint of the pillow on the side of his body.

“The plans are just you drooling after me as you take my pictures, I think what I have in mind is way funnier”

He’s biting at his lip, looking up at Vale who already gave up his tentative goal of getting Marc out of bed.

“You’re gonna be the death of me Marc”

The boy smiles, pulling Vale back on him, hands everywhere and legs tangled.

What a way to wake up.

Send me a Ship name and a Number and I'll write a kiss

[dreadfuldevotee]

Thank you for this last post. The discourse on this fandom can often be so annoying. I hate it when people are like "this is a Gothic horror, let them be toxic and problematic!!!!11!!!1" because it's not take they think it is? At the end of the day, they still want us to root for these characters and relationships, right? So how can we do that if they're stereotyped vampires, who is dark, cold, just hurt each other and don't have an ounce of growth, development, empathy and humanity? And this is such a dismissive opinion of the show and even the books, because their conflict with humanity and vampirism is a central aspect of the plot. That said, if you reduce them to the abuse alone, you're also missing the point of the story? I mean, you can totally have your opinion, you can see them as unforgivable even on this fictional universe, you can hate and root against them... But this show isn't about punitivism, it is about them navigating immortality. There are consequences for their actions, as there should be, but the goal is for them to find a way to make this work. You don't need to agree (idgaf about the British monarchy and still watched a few episodes of The Crown for the acting, for example), but if you expect otherwise, you're just playing yourself? But this fandom seems to have a problem with finding a good balance. Not to mention the hypocrisy of never forgiving certain characters and reducing them to their problematic actions, but treating their faves very different lol. And I'm like, okay, you don't need to love everyone, it's okay to have a favorite, but at least don't be contradictory? Your fave does the exact same thing or worse? Anyways. Thanks again for putting it so well. It's refreshing to see posts like that here.

Thank you! I'm glad that other people get anything out of my ranting and raving, as I am a chronic yapper and really only talk for my own health LOL.

But yeah, there is a lot of selective hearing in any fandom, really; but it pisses me off a lot here because of all the "Gothic Horror" handwaving going on. Interacting with the fandom, reading the books and seeing clips & bits of personal writings from Anne Rice, the image it paints for me is a profound unwillingness to engage with contents of the story if they're not fun and sexy. Shit, even my own odyssey into the books is spurred on in one part, to be able to form my own opinion and critique on the writing and secondly, realizing that book readers were straight up lying at times about how things went down.

And there is this persistent idea I've seen on here and twitter of "If you have issue with XYZ then this series isn't for you" and like, okay if you don't wanna see gay people who have everything-but-the-bagel of mental illnesses then, yeah, sure. But when someone goes "Hey there is like,,, a ton of casual pedophilia and CSA in these stories that is framed as cute n' casual and/or deeply romantic, I wonder what that's all about" and then people crawl out the woodwork trying to convince you its not weird or that you're weird or weak for think its kinda fucked up- then at that point, I think maybe there is actually a different issue occurring here, you know?

Anyway, I think where I'm going with this is- TVC is a cultural phenomenon and has a tangible impact on Vampire and Gothic Horror canon and that's good and fun. But if we can recognize something like H.P Lovecraft's racism/classism/general fear of change having a profound effect on his writing and the spark of the entire Cosmic Horror Genre, then I think we can interrogate how AR as a Rich White Woman who grew up in mid-21st century New Orleans has an effect on the kind of stories she writes and how she does it.

[poetry-protest-pornography]

Okay, Love Sea ep 1, finally!

This place is so pretty, I wanna go

Rak is going to this island to be a supermodel, I guess

Jfc Fort is so attractive, ugh

Did he just push that man overboard because of a pen?

Seriously, why is he so fancy?

Side note: I actually love that Rak looks expensive. It not only sells the "rich guy on vacation/fish out of water" thing, but it also places him apart from this tight knit island community and from casual tourists. It makes it clear that he's not comfortable in himself here, because he's dressing specifically to hold himself apart from the rest of them.

It also gives fun opportunities to see him relax through his wardrobe. Also, Peat is just really beautiful, and he wears it all so well

Rak is so grumpy 😆 I love rich bitch Peat already

The casual "I'm borrowing this" and Mut being zero percent fazed by Rak's bitchiness is so attractive and also immediately introduces and characterizes the setting and Mut both. Super well done

Baby those are not island shoes

I love that Mut clocked that Rak needed to be knocked down a peg and spoke so he couldn't understand him. He's establishing right off the bat that he's not intimidated or particularly impressed with Rak's attitude, and I love it. They're doing characterizations so well so far? Honestly really impressed to get this from Mame

The knocking a little tune on the window 🤣🤣🤣

Oh. I already don't like Vi. Like. A lot don't like her

JA IS HERE?!

A lovely surprise Ja!

Baby is stressed

I love that everyone who looks at Rak is like "this guy is sooo pretty". They're right and they should say it. Just look at him

This waiter is just like "oh, you know my friend? Let me tell you all his business (because you're his type, shh)"

Rak's momentary disappointment at the "women" part, and then his incredulous "that guy?!" when the waiter pointed out the guy who's staying because of Mut were incredible. Peat's acting is excellent here

I love that literally the whole island is just "that's our boy, isn't he wonderful!" about Mut. He deserves all that praise

"more like a cat, you'll know when you see him" Yep. That's like, 5 "Rak is a cat" references so far

35,000 bath is only like, $1000usd. I know money is different in Thailand than here, but idk if I'd put up with that grumpy man for a whole two weeks for that little

I was very concerned that this was going for some really gross colorism, and I'm very glad that it very quickly established that Rak is being made fun of for being an uptight rich jerk and projecting superiority all over the place

Rak: *seduction mode activated*

Mut: wow, where did all your hair go?

Thank goodness.

"don't you feel anything at all? I'm way hotter than that guy getting the bar!" Oh baby, this i didn't want you act is not fooling anybody

Rak just sent him another line, thousand dollars over breakfast. "You had me at 5k" 🤣🤣🤣

What a great fucking line

"Keep being arrogant and you'll hurt yourself". Mut is a king, actually

The caught punch and the "I can do more" while he laced their fingers was A Lot. Wow. These two do tension SO WELL

Oh I really don't like Vi

I feel like a lot of GL now is at where BL was a couple years ago. Which is to say a lot toxic. But this is a shitty way to introduce a character. Instantly unlikeable. "I'm going to be so shitty to you and use class politics to use you, but it's okay because I have a crush on you". I haaaaate it

Oh no, Fort looking at his hand and smiling softly is giving my PaiSky flashbacks and I'm gonna cry (I know someone made this side by side gif, please tag me)

What Mame book is Rak writing rn? 🤣

God Fort is so hot, how dare he (had a conversation with @hotasfahrenheit about how hot he is, and I've been informed that we get to see stretch marks at some point and that makes me feel crazy, actually? I love that he's visibly tan, I love that he has imperfections. He's so insanely attractive and it's so much hotter when he's a real person -- and not whitewashed)

Rak running around this boat like an excited puppy is adorable

And now, pouty time because he got yelled at for leaning too far over the edge 😆

Oh no

That hug and little kiss on the temple are going to haunt me. What a beautiful moment. And absolutely bonkers for two people who have known each other for five minutes

Their acting has really grown, I'm so proud of them

Are you hungry for clams or for me? Lol. The "hungry" metaphor for sex never fails in BL. Never miss an opportunity to make the joke

Ughhhh:

He's so beautiful what the fuck

Well. That was a hell of a first episode. Cannot wait for more

[shotgunbunny]

Love's a Vicious Killer

WC: over 2k. GIF by steverogersnotebook

Warnings [ dark ransom/ murderous thoughts/ noncon!/dubcon/ forced breeding/ just ransom himself/smut/toxic ass shit]

It was always cold after classes but today it was much colder and impacted you heavily. Maybe it was the short dress you had on or the lack of a jumper. All you knew was that you were freezing and that your Uber was taking forever to pick you up after you finished University today. You were offered loads of lifts by your friends yet you denied them not wanting to burden them or ruin your routine. So you decided to sit on the bench.

Not any bench. The bench next to Ransom Drysdale. Apparently he was just a rich asshole but you thought he was just a funny, snarky guy. He never spoke bad about you, the only time he did, you were walking past and heard him saying:

"Yeah she's little miss sunshine. Has the whole school up her ass. A little dumb too but that's why everyone loves her I guess."

After hearing that you walked past with a smile knowing that even one of the meanest people thought you were bright and happy. Which is why you sat next to him.

"Hi Ransom!"

He looked to you bored and rolled his eyes. And looked back to the side giving you a chance to admire him. His hair always looked so fluffy and he had the prettiest blue eyes. You saw he was wearing his big brown coat and his white sweater and then you were reminded of your own coldness.

"H-how come you're sat here?"

You chattered through the shiver you were trying to hold back. He looked at you and took note of the short dress and your bare legs. He let out a sigh, his breath was visible in the air noting him of how cold it was explaining further to your shivering.

"My mum's late to picking me up princess because my car broke down. What about you? You just here to try and brighten my day up, huh?"

"I'm waiting for my Uber, but I don't wanna wait alone, and I thought you'd be good company."

Ransom scanned the grounds surrounding you, and saw your class partner also waiting, leaving him to raise his eyebrow.

"Oh yeah, then why aren't you with Jeremy? Surely he can deal with your sickening optimism better than me."

You giggle at that, the melody making Ransoms heart beat faster making him furrow his brow,

"Jeremy is super sweet but he's like a cinnamons bun, too much and you get sick. Don't tell him I said that though!"

Ransom let out a chuckle over the idea that one of the sweetest people can't stand being around other sweet people.

"So what princess, you wanna sit here and talk shit about people with the biggest asshole on campus?"

You turned to him and left him mesmerized with how pretty your eyes were, how full your lips were and how truly beautiful you were.

"Absolutely! I don't think you're an a-asshole though."

Ransom suddenly remembered how cold it was and stood up. He grabbed your arm gently and pulled you up. He took note of how big his arm was compared to your body. He took his coat off and put it on you. He smirked at how it truly drowned you. You looked up at him with your doe eyes and smiled at him.

"Thanks Ransom. See you're not an asshole."

"I'm not an asshole to you Princess."

"How come?"

"Are you saying you want me to be an asshole to you Princess?"

"N-no just curious."

Ransom sighs and sat back down on the bench and dragged you with him so you were sat on his lap. He looked at you and smiled tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

"You don't remember do you?"

"R-remember what?"

Ransom smiled again:

"You were the first person to be nice to me on my first day on university. Infact you showed me around."

You remembered then.

Instead of him being cocky and smug back then, he was slightly timid and the entire time you showed him round you were talking about writing. He was telling you how he was to inherit a writing company and you telling him you struggle with it but you adore reading. When you finally finished the chore, he gave you a book by his grandfather. Claiming that the book he gave you was his style of writing.

Grinning at Ransom you reached into your bag and pulled the worn out book.

'Love's a Vicious Killer'

"So you do remember Princess?"

You giggled and hugged him. He was taken aback but happily returned the hug. Anything to have you close.

"You still wanna talk shit Princess?"

"Definitely. Did you hear that Derick is thinking of proposing to Jane! They're so young and they've only dated a month."

Ransom let out a hearty chuckle and looked at you with a lopsided smirk.

"I'd marry you in less than a month Princess. Don't get in the way of others happiness or karma will get ya."

You blushed and looked away. He was right you were being judgemental. And now your head was swirling with fantasies of you and Ransom married.

"If we were married you'd have to accept the fact that we're living in a cute little house."

"Little? Oh no Princess we're going to have a big family, can't have a small house."

"What? How many kids are we expecting to have Ranny?"

"At least five. I need to see you constantly full Princess so then everyone knows that the asshole got the sunshine."

You giggled at him and looked at your phone and sighed. Your Uber was gonna be another half an hour. Ransom saw this too and decided he wasn't done talking about your future.

"Why don't you get a lift back with me Princess? I promise you, my mum will love you more than me."

You looked at him hesitantly. You took a thought and decided that you should. Ransom rarely talked to anyone, it was nice that he was talking to you. So with a smile you agreed.

"Sure, but only if you agree that I get to name all our sons!"

"Absolutely princess. You can name them all, you're going through birth. I think it's your right."

You giggled with him.

"Cmon princess this is us. Let's go"

Ever since that car ride home from Ransom and his mum, you've been inseparable. He was right his mum adored you, infact she loved you so much she invited you to dinner every Sunday. And ofcourse you accepted because you truly adored his mum, she was smart and strong and always complimented how amazing your cookies tasted.

Which reminded you to take the cookies out of your bag so you can give them to Ransom. As you leaves class you see him stood opposite, waiting patiently against the wall. When he looks up at the noise and sees you and smiles which you return.

"Hi princess, how was class?"

"It was supa good Ranny. Also I have cookies but they're for this Sunday as an apology that I won't be there!"

It was like the world stopped. Why would you not be there, it left Ransom infuriated. You can't just skip one of the meals. It's mandatory now the you were his girlfriend even if you weren't aware of it.

"Why won't you be there sugar?"

"Oh because I have a date with Jeremy!"

Ransom could have snapped Jeremy's neck right there and the fucked you hard against the wall right over his dead body. He was radiating pure anger. How dare you choose another man over him! How dare you choose Jeremy, a guy you claimed was too sweet over him! Ransom swallowed his murderous thoughts and shaped them into a fake smile.

"I thought you didn't like him Princess?"

"Well, he got me flowers and said he adored working with me! I was stunned but it was so sweet I loved it!"

Ransom let out a laugh while trying to hold back his rage. So there wasn't anything too sweet for you, huh? Well too late Princess now you have to deal with the sour taste of Ransom.

"Well ain't that cute, just know though Princess you're missing out on going on a date with me."

You giggled at Ransom, completely oblivious to his jealousy. You had thought about you and Ransom alot but he never made a move so you decided to move on before you got hurt by him.

"Like you'd ever ask me Ranny! If you did maybe it'd be us going to the cinemas instead of me and Jeremy!"

Ransom was done. He missed his chance and now someone was going to have to pay, and he knew who. He was going to have you no matter what. For now though he'll enjoy the rest of the day with you and make sure to get all the details out of you about Jeremy. Including where he lives.

It was a day before the news spread about Jeremy breaking his legs and Sunshines heart. But luckily Ransom was there to hide his fingerprints from the crime scene and there to fix your heart.

You laid on his couch crying over how stupid you could have been to trust him. Jeremy wasn't sweet, he was sour and bitter.

"C'mon Princess come here"

You got up and sat on Ransoms lap snuggling into him. Ransom laced his hand under your chin and made you look at him before he enchanted you with his softly spoken words;

"You didn't need him Princess. You need someone who can hold you, spoil you and someone who's family adores you. I hate to say it but I'm the winner. And I promise you this princess, I will protect you, I'll keep you warm. Anything you want, you have. Just be mine. Be mine and you'll see how amazing life truly can be at my side."

Before you could agree Ransoms strong hand slithered up to your cheek and then behind your head where he pulled you to him and kissed you. His lips were soft and they fit yours so perfectly. You pulled away for breath. Looking into his blue eyes so intently.

You repositioned yourself so you were straddling his lap, before you closed the distance again and kisses him. You felt his tongue gently nudge your mouth open. He was so dominating even through a kiss you could tell he was in control and he was holding back. When you pulled away for air. You looked at him desperately you whispered gently against his lips.

"I'm all yours Ransom. All yours. Need you so bad."

And like that every ounce of control Ransom had slipped through the cracks and he knew that he had you.

He flipped you over so that you back was against the couch and Ransom was on top of you.

He looked down at you hungrily and looked back up at you before kissing you desperately. You could feel your souls intertwining through the passion of the kiss. All the while Ransoms wandering hands were pulling his top off and unbuckling his belt. You giggled at how rushed you both were.

When you were finally free from clothes and was left vulnerable to Ransoms stare you felt insecure, what if he didn't like how you looked? That thought was shortly cut off by Ransoms though,

"Fuck you're a fucking model. What the fuck your body is so fucking beautiful."

Before you could even return the compliment or even blush, Ransom was back on top of you and was kissing down your neck. Ensuring that you were covered in his marks. He leaned down to the valley of your breasts before he turned to your left breast and took the nipple into his mouth. Coating it in his spit, his tongue circling it happily. His other hand was toying with your nipple making you wetter by the second. When he pulled a way you moaned in disappointment before he tapped your pussy in warning for being so impatient.

"Fuck you're so sweet baby, can't wait for these to fill with milk. Fucking pretty tits. Hiding these from me the entire time and now I'm playing with them you're moaning like a little whore."

You whined as his fingers leaned down and dipped into wet hole. He let out a groan,

"So warm and wet, and so fucking tight. Better than my fist ever will be. Gonna ruin your little fucking hole."

He travelled down so his face was positioned infront of your pussy before you could even say anything. He licked a long strip up your pussy enjoying how you shivered. He smiled before he suckled on your clit while his fingers dove into you, immediately finding that spot that made you toes curl in your little pussy.

"Fucking little baby pussy you have. You're gonna cum so fast aren't you, you gonna let me taste it? You gonna let daddy taste your sweet cum, Princess?"

His constant licks and pushes of his fingers matched with his dirty tongue took you overboard before you came all over his fingers and tongue. Allowing him to taste you cum as he practically begged.

"Sweet. Fuckin knew it. All the candy you eat goes straight to your cunt."

As you were coming down from your high, you looked down and saw Ransoms cock. The pink head was dribbling in precum and all you could think was how would it fit. He was so big and wide. Surely it would hurt. Your thoughts were cut off once again as he plunged the head of his cock into your tight little pussy.

"H-Hugh! It hurts please take it out!"

"Fuck so fucking tight. Stupid little whore calling me Hugh. My name's Ransom or Daddy to you."

"Take it out daddy please!"

"Fuck you're just so tight I can't baby. You asked for this, you wanted this baby. Remember when we were talking about the future. 5 kids, you're gonna be pregnant with our first by the end of tonight."

Just as you were about to deny him, he sunk his entire length into you. Stealing the words from you and replacing them with a groan of ecstasy from his own lips. You felt tears spring in your eyes. You felt like a rabbit trapped by the wolf. You fell for Ransoms tricks and now you were paying the price.

He slowly pulled out leaving just the tip in before repeating the action ensuring each thrust was accompanied by the sound of his heavy balls slapping against your flesh. He reached his hand down and started playing with your clit. Making you feel pleasure from being stuffed with Ransoms cock.

As he set a pace and started pounding you, he leaned down and took a nipple into his mouth again, licking and sucking it. Making you arch your back and push your tits into his face more. He pulled back and smirked while letting out groans. He was admiring how beautiful you were stuffed with his cock, your tits bouncing and your eyes in the back of your head.

"Fucking look at you. Perfect Little cock whore. I was right to choose you. Knew from the day I met you this pussy would be worth it. That you would be worth. Fucking accepting that book from me, didn't even know it had a listening device in it. Had to listen to you playing with my pretty pussy for years. Know everything about you Princess. You're fucking mine!"

You could feel yourself draw closer to the edge, Ransom could feel it too so he leaned down and kissed you taking all the pathetic moans out of your mouth and swallowing them down with his delicious grunts. As Ransoms pace increased you came marking his cock as yours. The sudden tightness of your pussy made his thrusts stutter and his eyes roll back before he came inside you and marked you as his equally.

You laid there for a while both catching your breaths. As you looked down you saw something shiny on your hand. You brought it up to your face a saw a ring on it. More specifically you left hand, on your ring finger. Ransom grabbed your hand and kissed it.

"Your mine princess. Since day one. You can't escape me. But I promise if you stay by my side, anything you want will be yours. Just be my good girl and life will reward you."