#and I can’t find a way to block this shit because OP doesn’t think to tag for discourse and it’s always a different blog

[cologona]

I’ve seen it enough to give it a name.

Ick-spamming: Posts which consist of OP performing disgust at whatever ships or kinks ick them, unrelated to or only vaguely related to the tags attached to the post. These are not discourse posts but rather attention and validation-seeking in tone. Sometimes they come with a disclaimer to ward off argumentation, but other times the idea that OP’s opinion should simply be accepted (wherever they’re put) is implicit.

[barefoothighlander]

absolution - to be alone

-simon ‘ghost’ riley x wife!reader

-warnings: mdni (18+) angst, canon typical violence, death, kidnapping, mentions of blood

-word count: 3.5k

-summary: the secret of your marriage gets out and you and Ghost have to deal with the consequences

prev chapter masterlist

a/n: fair bit of violence this chapter, apologies that it took so long to write I’m having insane writers block, not proofread

“What do you mean Price knows” His voice was calm, he never yelled at you but for some reason you wished he was. His stoic state making you even more nervous,

“I had to tell him Simon he knew something was up”

“He didn’t know shit”

“Whatever he did, or didn’t know, or thought he knew, it doesn’t matter. He knows now, he understands why we didn’t tell him but atleast that weights of our chest”

“It’s not off our chest, what happens when he had to put it in our files? When he accidentally let’s slip that we’re married?”

“He wouldn’t do that”

“And you know that how?”

“Because you trust him, you’ve trusted him for years”

“Yea well the people you trust can hurt you the most” He says, standing to leave the room,

“Simon please, I’m sorry”

“It doesn’t matter now”

He closes the door and your emotions hit you, you regret everything about your decision to go to Price, but the sinking feeling in your chest wouldn’t let up until you told him. He had been surprised at first, he just assumed that the two of you were hooking up, he had no idea that you were married let alone knew each other prior to the mission, your file had pages about your previous ops but none mentioned the Lieutenant. Price was understanding in your secrecy, a little offended that Simon didn’t trust him with the knowledge but understanding none the less, he promised to keep it from the team no matter what and that was good enough for you.

Simon on the other hand wanted to wring the Captains neck, he could try to threaten him into sworn secrecy but he knew it wouldn’t work, he was furious. His only rule for your relationship being that it stayed between the two of you, and now it was compromised, yes he trusted Price with his life, but not with yours.

Simon marched his way to Prices office, his hands clenched at him sides as he knocked on the door, opening it once he heard the Captains voice.

“Simon”

“Sir”

“I understand congratulations are in order”

“Don’t”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You know why”

“I’ve read everything in your file, i know about your past, your family”

Simon winces at the mention

“You can trust me with this son”

“You need to take her off the op”

“You know you can’t make that request”

“I’m not asking as her Lieutenant”

“She’s an imperative part to this op”

“Find another sniper”

Before Price can respond Simon breezes out of the room, a cloud of fury following behind him as he storms through the halls to his shacks. He releases a deep breath, pulling his mask from his head once he’s inside. He felt betrayed, a vow as sacred as the ones you made the day you got married and you had broken it, technically he understood why, you were never great under pressure from higher ranks, he knew you couldn’t keep a lot of things to yourself given all the gossip you had told him over the years, but he trusted you with this.

He feared for you mostly, he knew he was in danger everyday, he had enemies across the globe and if word got out that you were married, a big red target would paint itself on your back. He didn’t want to think of the things his enemies would do to you in order to get to him, it made his stomach churn.

You stand in your quarters, thinking of all the things you could say, how you could apologize, and nothing comes to mind. You understand the weight of your decision but you’ve had people trying to kill your for years, you’ve made enemies of your own, you huff a breath holding yourself high.

You walk down the halls to Simons quarters before Price calls you into his office,

“Yes sir?”

“I have a favour to ask”

“Sir if it’s anything about my private life I ask that you keep it to yourself”

“It’s nothing about that Strider, trust I’ll keep that information confidential”

You nod “What do you need”

“I need recon on the building, you’re the only one with training that suits the op”

“Are you sure”

“I need the others here, you’re my only option Sargent”

“When do you need me”

“You have 3 hours to prep, a car will drop you at your view point and you’re alone from there, it’s a 3 day op but you’ll have comms”

“You need me to watch for three days?”

“There’s intel stating a transfer will occur within the week, I need your eyes to track movement”

“So no engagement”

“You do not have execute authority”

You nod, “Okay”

You leave his office, your argument with Simon gone from your mind, replaced with the anxiety of your mission. You approach his door and knock, you hear shuffling in the room before he opens it.

“Hi”

He opens the door to let you in, his head leaking out to make sure the hallways were clear. You glance around the room, his desk is a mess with open pages,

“You’re writing again?”

“Just, had some stuff I needed to get out”

“Si”

“I don’t want to fight about it, what’s done is done”

“Okay.. I’m leaving for a few days”

“What do you mean? You’re going home?”

“No”

He raises an eyebrow in question,

“Solo recon”

“Absolutely not”

“Simon please”

“Is he trying to punish me for not telling him about us?”

“What are you talking about”

“He’s sending you out alone, to punish me”

“Simon no one’s punishing you, this is the reason Price asked for me”

“I don’t want you out there with no backup”

“I’ll have comms to the base, I won’t be close enough for them to get anywhere near me”

Simon’s skin heats with anger, you move toward him, hands holding his at his side as you try to calm him.

“I’ll do this, then i’ll go home” You say with a heavy breath. You feel his muscles loosen slightly, his head moving down so his eyes can stare into yours, those dark orbs so full of emotion.

“Three days” He says and you nod, bringing your cheek to rest against his chest, his hands moving to roam your back.

“Three days and i’m back home”

“Safe” He mutters, his arms holding you against him.

You leave Simons room a few minutes later, bidding your goodbyes before moving to your quarters to pack your gear. You have 20 minutes before you have to meet your car, you’re breathing deeply, the mission wasn’t rare to you, spending time alone peering from rooftops was practically half your job in your last team, but being there, knowing Simon was only so far away. You knew he risked his life every time he left, you never asked the details, you didn’t want to stress about every little thing, this felt different, you were so close yet so far apart, you throw your bag over your shoulder and walk towards the outer doors.

Ghost is standing beside the car, his arms crossed over his chest.

“What are you doing here”

“I’m driving you, Captain owed me a favour”

You scoff at him jokingly before loading into the vehicle, as the two of you drive off. Your position wasn’t that far, about a 40 minute drive till you got dropped off and had to walk the rest of the way.

“Keep channel 4 open, that’s where you’ll contact me”

“I’m only supposed to talk to Price”

“Keep it open” He says with a glare, his gloved hand moving to rest on your thigh. You watch the terrain pass you by as you keep driving, dry mountains breezing past your eyesight. You arrive at an dirt road and Ghost turns the engine off, he sits silently for a few minutes, his free hand roaming across the wheel before you turn your body, taking his hand in yours.

“It’ll be okay”

“I know”

“I’m very good at what I do”

“I know that too”

“I’ll see you in three days”

He huffs a breath and nods, hands moving to pull his mask up slightly before leaning in to kiss you, he holds your cheek deepening the kiss before pulling back and resting his forehead against yours.

“Just be careful”

You squeeze his hand tenderly before stepping out of the car and grabbing your gear.

“I love you” You say

“I love you too doll”

You begin walking away, while Ghosts sits in the car until your figure fades from view, there was nothing he could do now but leave, he had to trust you.

Your walk was harsh, the dry terrain mixed with the beaming sun doing damage to your lungs, huffing your way across the ground before you made it to the small city, navigating around back alleys. You locate your view point, climbing an outer ladder to reach the top, sneaking into an open window where you position yourself, your scope settling on the target building in the distance.

“Alpha leader this is Strider how copy?”

“Good copy Strider, are you in position”

“Affirm”

“Alright, keep eyes, take note of any movement in or out, I want a head count”

“Copy, out”

You settle in to your position, eyes locked onto the building for signs of movement. Hours pass without anyone going in or out, you’ve traded your scope for spotting binoculars as the sun went down slowly, the warm air encompassing you in the abandoned building. No movement anywhere that you could see, no cars, no people, you had no idea what you were looking for.

Night falls and you have to toss your visionary aids aside, relying on trying to spot lights from the building, there’s a single room illuminated, you can see through the window but you can’t make out any bodies. You return to your scope in hopes of recognizing someone in the room, watching but you see no shadows or movement.

“Strider how copy?” Ghosts voice rings through your comms.

“Hey babe”

“Keep it professional, may have prying ears”

“Copy”

“You alright”

“No movement, getting bored”

“Bored is better than dead”

You huff a laugh, “That’s true”

“How are things on base?”

“Price wants us shipping out in the morning”

“So you’ll be gone when I get back”

“Most likely”

“Alright” You try to hide the sadness in your voice

“He thinks the mission should be finished within the the next weeks”

“Oh”

“I’ll be home with you before you know it”

“I’ll be waiting”

“I have to go, be safe”

“I love you Simon”

“I’ll see you at home”

You smile, only a handful of days and you’d be back home, safe with your husband, not worrying about the state of his life, just enjoying being with eachother.

“Strider this is Price”

“Sir”

“Reports of a convoy moving near your position, do you have eyes”

You take a minute too look around, your scope landing on a group of trucks passing by a road.

“Copy, count 5 vehicles”

“Are they carrying anything”

“Negative, doesn’t look to be any cargo”

“What about people”

“Count maybe 17 men, all armed”

“Do you see our hostage”

“Sir I thought this was recon”

“Do you have eyes Strider”

You look around, “Sir is that?”

“Affirm, you see her?”

“Affirm Sir, I have eyes on the hostage, she’s bound, they’re moving her into the house”

“Copy, keep watch, do not engage under any circumstances”

“Copy Sir”

Your comms go silent as you watch the scene in front of you, a middle aged woman with blonde hair has her arms bound behind her, a cloth mask over her eyes as the group of men force her towards the building before disappearing inside. You aim your scope at the windows, trying to get a view but all the curtains are drawn, you can vaguely make out shadows passing by.

You watch as the figures look by the windows, they sit the women down in a chair, 3 men gathered around her. You can’t make anything out, adjusting your scope to get a closer look before your eyes sting from the light, one of the men had opened the curtains to look outside, leaving them that way, enough space for you to get a clear view.

They’re yelling something, speaking to each other, you watch the woman tremble and flinch every time one of them shouts. You know your orders but every bone in your body is urging you to help.

“Sir permission to assist”

“Negative, do not interfere”

“Captain they’re going to kill her”

“Your orders are to watch Sargent”

“Sir”

“Do not engage”

You think over your options, your instincts taking over, fuck it I’m off the team either way.

You race down the side of the building, disassembling your rifle for close range shots, your legs are moving faster than your mind as you sprint towards the building, you find a high point and settle into the grass. There’s atleast 15 hostiles in the building, you scope around, 7 outside scattered, you can pick them off.

“Strider, report”

“Sorry Sir”

You take your ear piece out, with a deep breath you push yourself from the ground, hastily moving through the darkness, advancing towards the house. You make your way around the back, pulling out your knife, one man turns the corner and you grab him, digging your knife into the side of his neck as his body drops.

You make your way around the perimeter, killing them one by one, your breath heavy for the exertion. You find the last man, your hand moving to cover his mouth as you slice his throat, the blood pouring from his wound coating your skin seven down, eight to go. Your whole body feels sticky, covered in a layer of blood, sweat and dirt as you wipe off your knife, putting it away in favour of your sidearm.

You attach the silencer and open the front doors, immediately firing off two rounds into the heads of the men.

six

You turn your body, peering around corners, there’s one in the kitchen.

five

You clear the bottom floor, slowly inching up the stairs, one at the top and you shoot him, his body falls down the steps, landing with a thud, you pray it wasn’t loud enough to alert anyone. You start upstairs, clearing the rooms, two are arguing in the office.

two left.

You clear the rest of the area, making your way to the large bedroom at the end of the hall, even through the men arguing you can hear Prices yells through your comms.

You take a breath, counting your bullets, you had three left. You open the door firing one off into the head of the man in front of you, the woman in the chair screaming as the shot rings through the air.

You move to fire at the other man but he grabs your hand, you miss. He pushes you to the ground, your bodies fighting for control as his weight pins you, your arms reach for your gun as his hands grasp around your throat. You’re thrashing under him trying to throw him off, choking for air as he tightens his grip.

Your vision spotty as you lose strength,

“Strider! Get out now!” Ghosts voice comes through your comms, enough to bring you back as your fingers feel for your weapon, grabbing it and hitting it against the man’s temple. He releases you, stumbling over your body as you brave yourself and shoot, his body falls onto you with a thud, his blood pooling around your head as you gasp for air.

You use all your strength to push him off, steadying yourself before stepping towards the woman, she’s writhing against her constraints.

“It’s okay, you’re safe, i’m gonna get you out”

You slowly pull the mask from her eyes, they’re bloodshot and pooled with tears.

“I’m with Captain Price, I’m gonna get you home”

She’s a wreck of choked sobs as you cut her constraints, her body falls against you as you hold her up, walking her out. She’s looking around as the mess of bodies, clinging to you as you descent the stairs.

You exit the building, walking slowly in tandem with her as you reach a patch of grass tall enough for cover.

“Here, sit down” You hand her a small bottle of water and she takes it with shaky hands, gulping down the liquid before settling.

“Thank you”

“Does she know you’re here” You ask

The woman nods, “She watched them take me”

Your hand moves to slowly caress her arm, a small attempt to comfort her.

“Price”

“Sergeant you better have a goddamn explanation”

“I have the hostage, she’s safe”

Price signs deeply, “Are you hurt”

“Negative”

“Get her to the city, we’ll extract from there”

“Copy Sir”

You sit for a while, allowing the woman to compose herself before you help her up, the two of you making your way back to the streets of Panama.

The noise was overwhelming, a stark contrast from the silence you kept the last 24 hours, you find an old building, smashing the window to access the door lock before guiding her in.

“Shouldn’t be long”

She nods

“Does she know I’m safe, does Kate know?”

“I don’t think so”

“Okay”

Ghosts voice calls through your earpiece, “Strider, what’s you position”

“In an old building, northeast end of the city, there’s a small restaurant across the street”

“Copy, closing in”

You wait in silence, the sound of tires passing over dirt grabs your attention, you move to the window to look outside. You see Price and Ghost exit the car, looking around for hostiles, you move back to settle at the woman’s side,

“Okay” You touch her shoulder

“Monica, my names Monica”

“Okay Monica, my team is here, they’re gonna bring you back to our base where the doctor will check you out, then we’ll get you home”

“You trust them?”

“With my life”

She nods, you lock your arms under her shoulders, helping her to stand as the two men enter the building, dropping their weapons when they spot you.

“Jesus christ Strider, did you kill then all yourself”

“Something like that”

Price takes over hold on Monica, helping her to the car as Simon stands in front of you, his eyes staring daggers.

“Si”

“I don’t want to hear it, you’ll go home tonight”

“What, I have to make sure she’s safe”

“The team will take over, you disobeyed direct orders. You’re going home Sargent”

You stand to argue but he just turns and leaves, you’re alone in your anger before you walk to the car, settling in beside Monica in the back as Price turns the engine on. The ride was dead silent, not a word exchanged between the four of you, Monica had stopped shaking by the time you arrived back at base.

You help her out of the car, moving to help her inside before Price stops you,

“Your flights in two hours, be on deck before then”

You stare at him, unable to hide the disappointment in your face as you walk to the medical wing. You get Monica settled in to the bed and she falls asleep almost instantly, the stress taking a toll on her body. You sit with her for a few minutes, ensuring that she was okay before you move to your room to shower.

The water runs red as you wash the blood from your skin, feeling like you could finally breath, you need to talk to Simon but you don’t know what to say. You know if you leave base angry it won’t do you any good, he didn’t do well with emotions, he’d bottle them up before even dating to expose himself.

You spend some time packing your things, making sure to grab everything, your hands toying with the ring around your neck making your way to the plane deck.

Simon is standing in front of your plane, you move to him with regret in your eyes, your arms wrapping to envelop him but he pushes you back.

“Keep it together”

“I’m sorry Si”

“No time for that now” His hand moves to grab yours, his thumb rubbing tender circles over the skin. “I’ll see you at home”

He leaves without another word, you watch his form recede before stepping into the plane, the sound of the engine drowning out anything else before you feel yourself lift into the air. You’re filled with dread as you watch the base get smaller, you won’t be able to contact your husband for upwards of a month, and your last memory is him mad at you, you hated arguing in any form.

You lean your head back, settling in as the plane reaches the clouds, closing your eyes in an attempt to dream of anything but your anxiety.

Taglist: @chloepluto1306 @thychuvaluswife @valdemarismynonbinarylove @simply-vulpecula @lostinsideourminds @pampeop @bloodandthestars @tomhollandisabae @copiasratscheese @giveme-gaskarth

[cfr749]

I still dont understand how you went from Lucy supporter to this nonsense. She is again just a vehicle for the man pain and you are celebrating it. Disappointed and disgusted

Welcome back, anon! First off, thanks for sending two rude messages so I can respond to one and use the other to block you 👋

To be clear, the only reason I’m giving this the the time of day is because I think the “man pain” issue is worth addressing.

I’m always open to talking about this show and issues with misogyny, representation, race, etc. Even with people I don’t completely agree with.

What I’m not gonna do is discuss it with someone who can’t converse like a rational adult and finds joy in sending toxic, judgmental anonymous messages, so this little exchange of ours is over after this.

I am so sorry that my feelings about the show don’t line up exactly with what you want them to be. Sounds like you have some pretty strong feelings of your own though, so here’s an idea 💡 : post them on your own blog!

Shockingly, I’m capable of considering that there might be multiple perspectives on specific decisions the show makes. And that more than one of them can be valid at the same time!

I completely get how this could be viewed as growth for Tim at Lucy’s expense. I agree that sucks. I’ve posted multiple times that I will be LIVID if Lucy doesn’t actually end up with any type of storyline of her own or character development resulting from all the shit they put her through, and just ends up as a supporting character in another Tim-centric SL.

But, I can feel that way and also have other opinions all at the same time:

- I am glad they let Tim be the flawed human instead of the victim.

- I’m glad they didn’t villify Lucy in the breakup because god knows how quickly this fandom would tear her to pieces if she ever did to Tim what Tim just did to her.

- After years of Lucy doing barely anything on screen other than the odd UC op and propping up storylines for Tim and Chenford, I’m glad her character is 3-dimensional again both in the relationship and outside of it.

- I am heartbroken over the break up. I can’t watch the scene without bawling my eyes out. I feel nauseous thinking about it. But I am also glad they now have another chance to get it right this time for Chenford. Specifically because I love Lucy. Because I feel like she deserved so much better than what she got the first time.

- I’d love to see Tim value her and fight for her instead of just having her drop everything on a dime for him bc he deigned to look her direction after getting dumped by his girlfriend.

- I’d love to see him deal with all his unresolved baggage and realize what a complete and total idiot he is for throwing away what they had.

- And I’d love to see Lucy [continue to] recognize her own worth and thrive in the meantime. I am SO proud of who she’s been this season. And I hope she becomes even stronger and more sure of herself.

- I hope she recognizes she deserves so much better than what Tim gave her and that his decision has nothing to do with her worth (even if it feels like that at first), and I hope she *demands* better from him before even considering taking him back.

I’m not psychic. I don’t know what they have planned for the rest of the season (and no, I’m not gonna jump to conclusions off of a few vague interviews either). Maybe I’ll love it; maybe I’ll hate it. We’ll see.

Either way, I’m clear that’s it’s still just a TV show and that these are fictional characters. Are you?

[askinkiskarma]

Hi x i wanted to talk about something that has happened to me recently, because i feel like it needs to be addressed lol. I would have never considered talking about it if the person in question had had an ounce of maturity and respect, but she obviously doesn’t, and it’s my reputation on the line and my fault for expecting it hahahah.

So a few days ago, the whole Jake is Jacob debacle happened on tumblr, which to me was cute and harmless and fun. Now some people really feel the need to bring other people down and prove (to themselves only, let’s be honest) how “superior” and “intelligent” they are, so she started making fun and basically insulting the OP of the post, which really upset me. I didn’t say anything about it and quietly unfollowed the person, because if i find content I disagree with, that is (to me) the only way to approach the situation.

Anyway, later, i was made aware that she continued trash talking people in the fandom, continuing this tired narrative that despite being the one to initiate it, she was the “victim” bullied by “kids”, which i resented, for a couple of reasons.

1. Ageism is ageism no matter the form it comes in. It is no different to shit on a person just for being young and minding their business, than it is to do so with people who are older.

2. I’m tired of the “i was here first and therefore i am inherently better than you” stupid narrative. You don’t get a cookie cause you found something sooner, pls PLEASE understand that.

3. The “everyone is so young” bs is simply not true. I am the same age as her, so are some of my mooties or just a couple years older, and we’re all here, and we’re all trying to have a good time, and that’s what matters. None of us are out here flaunting our age or our maturity, because it is inconsequential.

4. Saying to someone that their “pre-frontal cortex” isn’t fully developed, is fucking ridiculous. What a stupid argument. You’re really going to insult someone for something they have reasonably absolutely no control over and try to use it as an insult against them? Girlie, in 2023? Do you understand how stupid that is? You think you’re superior cause your mum pushed you out a few years earlier like you had anything to do with it??? Like idk that is wild to me.

5. You can’t insult people on here for “being young and dumb” and how much “better” and “more mature” you are, and then in the same breath pick a fight with them and be willing to die on that hill. Because if you have any sort of common sense, that would imply that you must be succumbing to their levels and you are not capable of having any higher level discourse. Like how do you not see that that you're just proving to everyone how immature you truly are?

So, i wrote her an ask. Not on anon, not trying to start anything, just an ask telling her my opinion and telling her that as someone who is the same age as her, her behaviour is disappointing.

Now i need you to see the message because she won’t show it to you, because she wants to build this narrative that people are “harassing” her. Please note that nobody is “harassing” her. If i wanted to harass her, I could and I would not do it with my username intact. I wanted to her to understand the opinion (that i share with my friends and mooties) of someone who’s the same age as her. She won’t answer it because she knows there is no way to spin this in her favour.

Instead, what she can do, is what she does best. Trying to spin this negatively, insulting me and my writing (you’re 26 and the best you could come up with is “god awful cringey ass fics”? ouch, that hurt.) and tagging it “neteyam imagine” cause what person who wants to read neteyam fics doesn’t want to see that. Now again, she is blocked for me because I absolutely do not want to engage with people like her, but i was made aware of this and since she’s talking about me and could potentially come to people’s inboxes or dms and talking trash about me, i wanted you besties to know and to read everything and make your own minds about it, having all the information, not just what she deems appropriate to give you.

Anyway, sorry for this long ass rant, but it needed to be said. Please, if you don’t agree with someone, especially if it’s over something so incredibly trivial as a name, let it go. It’s not worth it. If it’s something not trivial, block. It’s not worth it. Insulting someone for things they have no control over doesn’t put you on top, it makes you a dick. Acting like you’re inherently better cause you’ve been in a fandom longer isn’t cool, trust me. Just please, save your energy and put it in your art, in your job, in your relationships, in yourself.

Now, i will go write my cringey ass fics 😉 good luck besties, and smooches.

ALSO!!! DO NOT engage with this person. PLEASE. Please do not prove her right. Please do not leave her anon hate or anything of the sort, please please please. It’s not worth it.

[stranger-rants]

I don’t have a problem with people deleting Reblogs but I look at the intent. Sometimes I respect when someone choses to delete a Reblog because they want to protect that other person or something. Or it’s a topic they truly don’t want to get into. But when u shit talk a community online and/or they try to inform u and ur intent is to get rid of their perspectives that genuinely annoys me to hell. Like why’d u bring us up then just to tell us to shut up and suffer in silence when we see shit spread about our intentions online or about how people genuinely gets mad at us 4 just woobify a FICTIONAL CHARACTER(and we’ve had to deal with extreme online Harassment because of it). And it just shows me why u shouldn’t be talking about a demographic of people online if you won’t even hear them out when they disagree over simple interests. I mean do what u want to protect ur self online but ask ur self what are u doing?

U have this idea about other people in ur head enough to post it online. They question and engage with a topic u started about them and then u get mad at them for questioning the assumptions u made about them 1st and are actively spreading about them online in a echo chamber. Shit talk characters not people. If people in fandom did that and stopped miscustruing the intent of other fans in fandom I would move different.

I solemnly swear

But I have a problem letting an echo chamber of people talking shit about my personhood go unchallenged especially if what I have to say is relevant to the disputable claims they brought up first. If u block me but doesn’t that just say say more about ur beliefs since u stated an assertion about a group online but can’t hear what that group has to say about ur assertion. But I’m still like fine whatever block and delete my Reblog if u must or can. But I think it’s harmful. I truly do why do that especially when I’m not calling people out of their names. Just disputing a topic they brung me up in first.

Idk tho to help put into perspective why it irks me so is cuz if someone said I don’t like bullying & a bunch of bullies came to defend their character and then op deleted the Reblogs I wouldn’t care. But when it’s vice versa and it’s someone saying I love bullying and a bunch of victims came to defend their character and their perspectives got blocked it teas me off. It’s a struggle I have with discourse online. It’s truly irritating. I guess my question is Maybe could elaborate on your thoughts help me understand if my thinking come off as hypocritical 2 u?

I probably shouldn’t lose too much sleep over people deleting my well thought out mile-long-dissertations™️ on their post but still🤷🏿‍♂️

I’m alittle aggravated but I digress

Yeah, that’s why I don’t necessarily filter out anti tags. I just don’t see the point in their existence in the first place, other than to exist comfortably in an echo chamber. I’ve seen too many people use anti tags to screenshot our posts or talk about us in a way that is just completely inaccurate. So why block anti tags when I can block the individuals themselves? …but they sure are full of themselves when they assume I spend my precious time looking into their safe, echo chambers to start fights. I simply don’t block the tag so if they use Billy’s full name I just find it through the search and I use the search over tags because there’s Billy posts I do like that don’t show up in the tags. They just want to be right and go unchallenged and I would have a much easier time ignoring that if it weren’t at my expense and the expense of people like me lmao

[cf56]

i think what you’re doing is just fine. okay, so what if you’re overly invested in a cartoon? i mean the next sentence in the most supportive way possible: who gives a shit? you still find joy in this series, in these characters. you just have a lot of criticisms as well. and if these characters hold a lot of importance to you, that’s not gonna go away just because of some rando anon.

also it’s like… last anon, do you want to pay for op’s therapy? no? why’s that, besides them being a stranger? because therapy is expensive, you say? huh. it’s almost as if several mentally ill individuals can’t access therapy because it’s too expensive 😲

my point is that yes, while it can sound concerning to others that animaniacs is one of the few things that makes you happy at this point in your life, at least you have something that brings you joy at all. mental illness is messy and doesn’t always make logical sense. i’d say being very invested in a cartoon is one of the better coping mechanisms out there.

if the other anon is uncomfortable with the intensity of your opinions, then that is entirely their own preference, and they should block you just as you said in the last ask. you aren’t actively attacking fans with opposing opinions to yours, so it’s not as if you’re harassing others

Thank you. This is exactly how I feel about it. Even before all this, I’ve never made it a secret that my love for Animaniacs isn’t normal. I mean, I wrote 24 fanfics about this show in 2 years. Those are only the ones I posted.

“Normal”, though, is not something I’ve ever strove to be. Animaniacs makes me happy. It occupies 75% of my idle thoughts when I’m not focused on something else. I’m bored at work, I think about Animaniacs. I hear a song, I think of ways to associate it with Animaniacs. I’ve never considered this a negative, because it does bring me joy. I still don’t consider it a negative.

I will contest one minor point of yours. There are plenty of things that make me happy besides Animaniacs. It’s just, when this show is so intrinsically connected to everything about me, it also drags me down when I’m feeling negative about it. When your happy place isn’t all that happy, it’s hard to escape life’s stresses. I don’t want to give the impression that I’m in some major depressive mental crisis over this, because I’m not. I’m alright. I just need some time to sift through my emotions. Those emotions are intense, but I’m not ashamed of that. It wouldn’t be healthy to be ashamed of that. It also wouldn’t have been healthy for me to keep them in and pretend like everything was 100% okay.

What certainly doesn’t help is people preaching to me and saying I need therapy because I like my hobbies a little too much. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you folks don’t even know my first name. How do you know what my relationship with therapy and mental health looks like? How could anyone possibly try to tell me what I need to do in that regard? We’re all just trying to get through life in the best way we can. This is my way. I criticize because I care, and because I’m not going to feed you all BS and dance around how I actually feel. You get the real me, even if you don’t know my name. Thanks so much for speaking up in my defense. :)

[lanawinterscigarettes]

First I want to state that I just want to give my very calm take on this whole Yelena aroace discourse, I’m not trying to attack or erase anyone’s identity:

Here’s the thing, that panel that ppl keep saying is proof that she’s ace? It’s not about that, they’re taking it out of context, the whole page gives it a completely different meaning. It’s more about how Yelena doesn’t think she’s a person, kinda how Natasha says she has no place in the world during the Wanda induced flashbacks in Age of Ultron. Just because there’s some who want to interpret it as her saying she’s asexual doesn’t mean that’s what she’s saying or that it’s canon, that’s not how that works.

And the writer has said in a very recent (as in earlier this month) blog post that, when Yelena (the one that was born, not the clone) was first created, the terms asexual, aromantic or aroace did not exist, and even if they did, Yelena wouldn’t have known about them because Russia is very conservative and if she had hinted at being ANYTHING other than cishet she would have most likely been jailed or persecuted bc that’s a reality for LGBTQ+ Russians even to this day, and Yelena would have been living in Russia back in the 70s-90s.

She also said that when people ask about her sexuality, she can imagine her being ace making sense and would hope that was the case but she has no say in the matter because she doesn’t own the character and her opinions aren’t more right than that of the fans. She literally said she gives us her blessing to interpret Yelena however we want and to be kind to one another. She said that at this point her own opinions are pretty much headcanons as well. She also said that if Yelena was to date anyone it would make sense for it to be a woman.

Finally, she also said not to expect a big corporation like Marvel/Disney to give you the representation you deserve because more often than not, they won’t do a good job at it and probably won’t even attempt to unless it benefits them, which is true.

Here’s a thread that goes into further detail about other things about Yelena that pretty much let you know she’s never truly been aroace in the comics:

https: //clarabelacqua(.)tumblr(.)com/post/671418171845115904/yelena-is-aroace-why-is-it-so-hard-for-you-to

I’m not trying to be mean or erase anyone’s identity. I’m a lesbian, I’ve had such a hard time finding representation where we don’t die or we aren’t cheaters or we get a genuinely good ending, I know that’s still more than aroace people have gotten. I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade bc I know what it’s like to headcanon a character in a certain way and have others give you shit for it.

I do however want to say that the hate and harassment that can be found under posts that talk about Kate and Yelena is disgusting. You can’t tell someone not to ship fictional characters or to do it in x or y way. You can’t call someone aphobic just because they don’t agree with you, a lot of the ops responding agree that Yelena should be ace in the mcu and they hope you all get that representation. But in all the comment sections I’ve seen it’s like talking to a wall. I get the anger, but that’s simply not going to make anyone listen to y’all, unfortunately it’s gonna give you a rep. I’ve said this before, people don’t think you’re annoying for wanting representation, we all do. People think it’s annoying to be called a bigot or an aphobe for minding their business online. They will respond and be petty and it’s not pretty. They aren’t fighting you on Yelena being aroace, a lot of the time it’s an aroace person under their post on the shipping tag being genuinely mean and unnecessarily rude. Maybe it would be better if those who don’t like something simply block the tag and avoid those posts, because seriously, they’re clearly not for you, so maybe don’t interact with those…

I genuinely hope this doesn’t go on for much longer because Yelena is such a good character that deserves all the love she gets, and ultimately, people will headcanon her as they please. It would be so good to simply enjoy that in peace.

.

[bunni-bino]

The OP Boys & Their Personal Dirty Secrets pt. 2

A/N : Hey hun! I hope you like this! ( i can’t tag you idk why ) I saw you wanted a part two to this and decided to do it because it was fun. I guess, lol. anyways hope you like this! :>

Soooo, don’t judge the gif I couldn’t find anything else. Also I’m kinda tired ;-; alsooo. these ones are a LITTLE bit dirtier.

Warning : NSFW AHEAD! PROCEED WITH CAUTION! ⚠️ ESPECIALLY W/ THATCH.

kid and mihawk don’t have specific dark secrets since I couldn’t think of anything that would yk connect to them. ;-;

Summary : All of these boys and their personal, hidden dirty secrets. PART TWO!

-

Doflamingo

Oh boy, this male, despite his possessiveness, has a bit of a voyeurism kink. He hasn’t yet, but he DEFINITELY wants to turn on the country wide announcement, ( like those screens whatever used in Dressrosa when he talked ) and just fuck you as everyone watches throughout the island. He dreams of it, and one day, HE WILL make it a reality.

“How does it feel?” The lick of his lips and the shit-eating grin was on display all over the island for the people of Dressrosa to see, the image of Doflamingo’s hips thrusting and making contact with your rear.

“Does it feel good to have the whole island watching you being fucked senseless, by me? Their king?”

You couldn’t respond, lost in the insane amount of pleasure that ran through your body, specifically your lower regions. You didn’t even care that you were being watched, basking in the euphoria you were given at the moment.

Doffy’s strings suspended you partially in air, the material binding your body so you couldn’t move in the slightest as he took you from behind.

Arms wrapped around your bare figure, one holding you thigh tightly while the other wrapped around your torso, his hand grasping your throat and his fingers, pressing itself onto the flesh of your neck.

If you were fortunate, your face was cut off from the screen to be visible but your exposed body was seen by everyone who watched.

Doflamingo felt glory and power, as he continued to fuck you for all to see, your sweet, melodic moans echoing through the island as he did this.

What a fantasy that will soon become a reality.

-

Kid

Literally anything but also nothing. I couldn’t think of anything.. so here’s a kink he has! Dominant Submission. (?) basically, he LOVES the submissive ones, but those who really fight back. Feisty bitches yk? But like, he knows you’re all talk because he’ll have you begging for him on your knees once the two of you really get started. ;)

You’re teasing the hell out of Kid. You’re being bad by ignoring Kid and disobeying his orders and the Captain has had enough.

He barges into your room, slamming the door shut with the lock clicking on and before you could react, he has his hand around your throat and your back shoved to the wall.

“You think you’re being funny?” He growls into your ear, instantly using his free hand to rip your clothes off in a swift pull.

Despite the lack of air you had, your face still formed a sly and cheeky smirk in response. “I..I think it’s.. hilarious. Ha.”

Kid scowls before slowly smirking himself and tightened his grip on your neck a little bit more, but not enough to actually kill you. ( he cares after all :> )

“Tch. Looks like you need a punishment.” He drags you over to your bed and shoves you roughly done onto him, unbuckling his pants and pulled the belt out from the loops and pressed the two ends together so he had an able whipping belt. ( make sense? )

You merely grin at this and tilt your head. “Oh? Is that for me?” You hum and sat up, legs up and spread for him to see your already getting wet pussy, arms over you knees.

The sight of it made Kid growl lowly before he walks closer to you. “Time for you to face the consequences of pissing me off.”

With one hand, he forces you down onto the bed, breasts against the mattress and your ass forcefully in the air.

And with the raise of his other hand, it was only seconds before a loud whip was heard.

Tears stings the corner of your eyes but you still held strong, biting your lip. “Is that all you got? Guess you weren’t so angry.” You laugh and Kid didn’t respond, only whipping you once more, a little more force.

“Don’t you worry. I have all night long.”

[ I could write a whole OneShot about this, I had to stop lol ]

-

Marco

Little bit harder, buttt, come on. Sex in the air? Marco’s dream, for sure. And if he’s going to admit it, yes, he has done sexual activities in the air, where no one would be around.

The blonde doctor soars across the sky, a little ways away from the ship, not too far to lose sight but enough where he wouldn’t be seen, regardless of it being the time of night.

He’s only ever done it once or twice, but the no matter how many times Marco would do it again afterwards, the first time experience couldn’t ever be bested.

Sexual activities in the air.

Yet, that didn’t mean Marco didn’t love the thrill and excitement it brought him, especially when he did it so often in his younger days.

Extending his bright cyan blue wings out and around him, Marco palms himself through his pants, shutting his eyes before slightly lowering his pants enough to release his cock into the exposed cold air.

Marco shivers before reeling back and moving so he was laying down, his wings as support. One left propped up and his fingers wrapped itself around his shaft, his touch slow.

With nothing but the moon lighting down on him and the refreshing night breeze in the midnight sky, Marco felt at ease as he continues to rub his length in a teasingly slow motion, only increasing in speed seconds after.

Marco won’t lie, when it came to his release, he often did it into his hands and a bit dripping down onto his hips and chest,

but it felt good letting his cum spurt into the ocean.

-

Thatch

It’s pretty known that Thatch is a real perv with large sexual desires. ( at least to me because of @ honeybakedthatch lol ) however, this personal secret is his dirtiest one yet.

Thatch bit his lip as he grunted out a soft groan, feeling the rest of his warm, bitter cum shooting out from his tip and into the leftover mixture of cream and condensed milk he made for the cinnamon buns.

Pulling his pants up and zipping it tight, Thatch made sure to thoroughly mix the cum and mixture together with a plastic spoon before drizzling it over the cinnamon buns he left out just for you.

The plastered grin Thatch wore merely widens as he watched the ordinary looking cinnamon buns look identical to the others, but he knew the pleasant surprise in taste that differed.

Just as he finished drizzling the cream, the door opened, you having walked in. “Thatch, I smell something good! What is it?”

The cheery, innocent smile you had made Thatch smirk a bit, the imagination all too pleasant, the thought of you eating his delicious cinnamon buns.

“I made cinnamon buns. Here, I made these especially for you.” Thatch holds out the separate plate he had and walks closer to you, placing a sweet kiss on your temple before letting you take the plate and fork.

“Enjoy. If it’s a bit too bitter, let me know and I’ll.. sweeten it up for you.”

-

Mihawk

This stoic ass man is such an intimate, romanticist, he doesn’t quite have very dirty secrets.. but, one kink he secretly has is bondage and slight corruption. He won’t ever mention it but if you bring it up, he’ll voice his opinions on it.

“Now, now, love. You should be careful.”

Mihawk’s strict but amused tone was evident as he sat in his chair and watched you writhe in the tight black silk ribbons that bounded you on the ground.

Your arms were tied behind your back, your vision blocked by a silk blindfold and your legs were forced spread by a ankle bar, exposing your bare heat towards Mihawk.

You were leaning against a table/chair, and the only thing you could hear were Mihawk’s praises and warnings, along with the humming vibration that came from the vibrator strapped to your clit.

“You might loosen the binds, and you know you don’t want that, do you?” Mihawk sternly questions and you shook your head, biting your lip to prevent yourself from moaning out too loud.

“Oh? You aren’t responding?” Mihawk smiles slightly as he leans on his hand, elbow on the armrest of his chair. “I asked you a question.”

You gasp out in realization and stammered out, trying to close your legs from the shock and orgasm you keep receiving.

“I-I mean no.. h-hah.. ah.. I, I don’t want it to loosen.” Your blush darkens at the embarrassment you held, but you loved this, just as much as Mihawk did.

-

Shanks

I could come up with a bunch of things but the first thing my mind went to was — sex tapes. Shanks is all for EVERYTHING but I feel like sex tapes seal the deal. Especially since he hooks up with so many women, I’m sure.

Shanks watches as the woman below him arches her back and curls her toes in pure bliss and euphoria.

The loud moans escaping her lips and filling the motel rooms only edged him further.

His tight grip on the woman’s left thigh glides up to grab the soft mound flesh on her left, his fingers twisting the little perky bud as he thrusted his hips roughly into her, eliciting a louder pleasurable cry.

The sound of skin slapping was the only thing heard other than the heavy grunts of Shanks and the mewls of the woman being fucked into oblivion.

Shanks, despite having the time of his life and was nearing his climax as he continued to thrust into the two small and tight lips, it’s walls clenching around him, could only think about the recording camera on its designated position on top of the drawer.

As much as he loved the real experience at the current moment, he couldn’t wait to rewatch the recording of it and relive the experience that way.

-

A/N: here you go, hun! I know you wanted a part 2 with these characters and I hope this went out you expected and wanted! :>

A few don’t have proper endings but it’s gooddd enoughhh for me. :p

jus wondering, what do y’all think Kid has? Master, sir, daddy or captain kink? Or none and just his name?

Law def has a “doc/doctor” kink lol but since I’m at it, I don’t think Marco has that.

[literaphobe]

she-ra AU where everything’s the same except they all have phones and social media:

catra finding adora in ep2 and jumping out of the tank like “you didn’t call or text??? not even a single tweet? we lost our snap streak because of this!!!”

adora making callout posts for the horde and catra reblogs them ironically and adds weird shit like “uwu op hworde... evwil?🥺 hworde doing bwad thwings??🥺🥺”

catra Constantly sending adora anon hate except she’s saying shit like “yeah u look hot as she-ra but your tiara’s so stupid haha idiot”

them sliding into each other’s dms “hey send nudes” “if i send nudes will you defect from the horde” “maybe” “ok sending them now” “jk i’m not joining the rebellion” “CATRA >:(“ but then she still sends them 😔😔

catra and adora running into each other constantly and adora can’t figure out how catra does it but forgets that she didn’t turn off find my friend

catra posts thirst traps a lot on her IG and adora refuses to like any of her pictures after she joins the rebellion but she still has notifications on for catra... because reasons... so when she’s at princess prom she sees catra post this picture of her in That Suit and the caption’s something like “all dressed up with nowhere to go....😼” and then after she stares at the post for minutes adora sees catra walk in for real and goes apeshit

similarly to the area 51 event catra creates an event on facebook that’s like “they can’t stop all of us.... let’s storm bright moon” and adora and the rebellion freaks out and makes major preparations to keep their home secure only for no one from the horde to show up on the day itself

adora posts cute things on her IG sometimes like pictures of her with bow and glimmer, or she’ll post a picture with some cute girl she meets in the rebellion who’s giving her a kiss on the cheek and catra writes hate comments that get her blocked. catra ends up having to text adora “wait unblock me i need to tell you something” “ok fine unblocked” “bitch” after adora posts a cute selfie tho catra’s hate comments stop

in s4 adora unfollows catra because she nearly destroyed the world so catra changes her entire look and hair and it makes adora very angry because of course she still stalks catra on social media but she refuses to give catra the satisfaction of following her again so she vague posts A Lot on her spam twitter accounts about how “it’s not FAIR how can someone so evil be so HOT it’s clearly a scheme to distract me” and catra finds her spam account because adora didn’t set it to private and she retweets all of the thirst tweets and adora deactivates her spam account in embarrassment

when catra finally joins the rebellion catra and adora start interacting Very Heavily on social media we’re talking flirting on the timeline, liking each other’s posts and commenting 😍😍😍 and other lovey dovey bullshit on each other’s pictures and they even send each other anons that’s like “i’m too scared to come off anon but i think you’re really cute.... do you have a crush on anyone haha”

catra bursts into tears and considers leaving the rebellion when she sends adora her anon and she replies saying “yeah i do.... i have a crush on this girl but idk i don’t think she likes me back :(“, catra obviously thinks the girl adora has a crush on isn’t her so she thinks she doesn’t have a chance

after they start dating they decide to do the kiss your best friend challenge on tiktok for clout and they think it’ll be a fun way to announce their relationship but turns out everyone already knew and everyone thought they were dating even before they started dating so no one called them out for flirting with each other so hard all over their social media accounts

[mack3030]

you sound ridiculous defending ea right now. putin is not playing the sims and he doesn’t care if his citizens can’t either. i fully support stanislav & luminous prioritizing respect for themselves and their countrymen in the face of such a shitty situation, and for you to just come out and defend ea honestly justifies their decision even more.

Did you even READ what I said? Seriously. Go back. Read it again. I'll wait. Here's the deal. I am not an EA flag waver. I fucking hate their guts. Less than a week ago I fully promoted pirating the Wedding DLC because of how much of a fucking train wreak EA made it, and I don't think people should pay for it. But you know what, I also don't think they {EA} deserve to be blamed for a decision that is OUT OF THEIR HANDS. How in the world do you think people are going to be able to pay for ANY EA games if they cannot use credit cards in Russia? If bank accounts don't work properly because there's been a run on the banks and the economy is shot. Because that's where Russia's at. Paypal, Mastercard, Visa...all of these companies are pulling their support or suspending operations because of the Ukraine situation. How do you expect EA to make a sale in the middle of a fucking warzone? I commented on their post because I felt they were laying blame where there should be none. And to try to explain some of the reasons why EA might not be ABLE to distribute their content right now even if they WANTED to. The sims team does NOT make the decisions on when/how content is released and where. That is made by the president/board of EA. THEIR HANDS ARE TIED.

In addition, all they were doing was shooting themselves in the foot by making their post seem like they were aligning themselves with a side of a war that 141 countries are against. (Source: https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/un-general-assembly-votes-overwhelmingly-censure-russia-rcna18340) This is NOT good public relations and/or good communication. Anywhere did I say I was against the Russian people? No. They are JUST as much victims in all of this as the Ukranians are. This is also VERY personal to me because I have students in my area who are of both Russian and Ukranian heritage who STILL have family over in those areas. They are worried for their family. They are conflicted. They do not understand why this war has to happen. But the OP of that post has the fucking audacity to paint themselves as a victim of this war simply because they do not have access to the sims 4. And I'm sorry, but considering how many other people are ACTUAL victims of the war, losing their homes, property, and fuck, even their LIVES...I just find the GALL of that to be amazing. People are DYING. CHILDREN are dying. And this person has the fucking balls to try to BLAME a company that has ZERO control over a WARZONE for the fact they can't access a video game. Grow up. Seriously. Grow the fuck up. The Russian people deserve respect. They do. They have a beautiful history, one that I've studied and read over myself. I have a book on Russian history that was released right when the USSR was still a thing. I have it highlighted and marked up. I teach Russian art in my school. I have learned Russian phrases so I can greet and praise my students in the language that they hear at home. I have even put Russian music in the playlist of my classroom, both instrumental and with words. {And if any Russian simmers have some middle school appropriate suggestions, please do throw them my way~!} They don't want this any more than the Ukranians do. They're getting arrested to protest this war. But I'm sorry, the OP of that post acting like blocking their FREE CC from being posted is some sort of act of bravery is bullcrap. EA is crap, but acting the victim and making shit about you because you are mildly inconvienced when people are fucking dying and losing their homes? That's next level first-world problem petty. It's not about "respect". It's about turning your first world problems into a glory moment. Don't like my take? Then you can fucking block me.

[tgttos]

THE sbi crit post (reupload)

after the original and the iconicmcytblrposts version both being deleted, i was pretty sure the sbi crit post was gone permanently. thankfully, after a good amount of digging i was able to find an internet archive version, which im posting here for accessability (and because the archive version mentions op by name.)

op has since abandoned their blog, but please, still dont seek them out to harass them. im not posting this as much to mock as i am because i think even dumb fandom history shit deserves to be preserved. this is the full text of the post, minus the requesters url removed by me.

————————————��——————————

cw, critical of sbi

as requested by @/[url removed], a SBI critical post. Going from youngest to oldest. None of this is satire, no matter how silly these points seem

TommyInnit

A kid. He is arguably too young to be doing what he does.

Twitch is a site that’s quite adult, even with many streamers being minors, and many of the people watching the streams also being minors. Swearing, sexual jokes, etc. are (if we’re looking at the definition of it) nsfw, and let’s be real, if you can’t have a job, you shouldn’t be probably shouldn’t be engaging in NSFW things. Yes this includes making stupid little sex or penis jokes, since they’re being broadcasted to thousands of people.

Many of his friends are adults and they have to watch themselves around him, which is something they shouldn’t really have to do due to their line of work. They should be able to make shitty sex jokes and flirt with their peers because that’s their job, but around Tommy they can’t. Bonus points for befriending a fucking 32 year old. Remember that one John Mulaney set? Where he talks about how fucking weird Back to the Future is? Sorta the same thing only we know how Phil and Tommy met so not nearly as weird. But still a little weird.

Technoblade

This one was the hardest, and I thought about it for a good bit. Hard to write, but I think I’ve got it.

He is glorifying his ADHD. I know it’s not purposeful. I know ADHD isn’t bad. But by doing what he does open and in the public (just look at the potato war) he is making it seem as if hyperfixation is the Best Way to win something. He spent months holed up in his room, farming potatoes in a block game. 10 year old kids are going to see that. And they’re gonna want to do it too. And it is not good for you

Wilbur Soot

are you gay or not.

We all agree that he’s bi coded (not saying he is, saying that he presents as bi). He’ll, someone on the Projekt Melody LoH straight up called him a “bi-guy”. Because of this he often gets away with his more Home of Sexual jokes, yknow, like the same ones we hold Dream accountable for? Just look at the entirety of him asking Dream on the pizza hut date. Most definitely queerbaiting but we ignore it because he just seems like he’s LGBTQ. Hell, this is where I get my definition of Soy-Boy from; “a man that seems bisexual, so you just kinda assume it and then one day you find out he’s actually straight. The fact he’s straight sits in your mind, but the fact he’s not bi is constantly dancing at the front of your head. There is nothing you can do about this. Also soy-boys have good fashion senses”

ALSO he is fairly open about his political beliefs (re: Piss Speaks Louder than Words cover, calling Sapnap (who at the time was RPing a cop) a pig, calling himself a liberal), and yet he doesn’t say anything about his fans that are racist or such (please just go look through the comments of the Piss Speaks Louder than Words cover. It’s a hell).

Ph1lzA

“Sir that is my emotional support block man!” all the kids with fucking terrible parents say. Trust me, I know because I am one of those kids.

He is an escape for many of us, a father that will always care, a father that won’t hurt us (or in my case, threaten so much I’m afraid to be around him). And Phil is also an unhealthy coping mechanism.

He is “trapped” behind our screens. He can’t actually comfort us. He can’t give you a hug, or ruffle your hair, or anything that a good father could because you don’t know him. You can call him dad in donos. You can ask for life advice. But he’s not your father. And we all need to realize that, I think.

None of SBI is your family. They have family dynamics with each other, but you don’t have family dynamics with them.

[the-iceni-bitch]

PLEASEEE write more for august walker! i'm in love with the banter in "welcome home, walker" and how he's grumpy but has a soft spot for the reader. LOVE UR OTHER WORKS TOO <33

Aww, I love Auggie! And it has been a bit since I wrote for him. Soooooo...

PDA

Pairing: August Walker x fem!Reader

Words: 2145

Summary: You and Auggie go out with the graduating cadets to celebrate your new assignment.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (innuendo, teasing, sex in a public place, fingering, unprotected vaginal sex), violence (fistfight, implication of gore and death), betrayal, protective!Auggie, TW- implication of impending date rape/mentions of drugs, SMUT, 18+ ONLY!!!!

A/N: This got away from me a bit if I’m being honest. I was just gonna do the teasing in the gym but I couldn’t stop myself, so please enjoy this little impromptu fic! And please feel free to send me an ask if there’s a character or kink or anything you’d like to see more of! 

Check out my masterlist and join my taglist here if you want!

You didn’t know how he got you in this position. You could practically feel him beaming over you as you struggled to get out of the hold he had you in. 

“You keep moving like that, you’re gonna make me hard, sweetheart. You want me to fuck you right here on the mat?”

August ground his crotch against your ass to illustrate his point and you let out a moan. Your arms were bent back at your shoulders unnaturally as you scrabbled for some purchase to get out of his grip.

“Fuck off, Auggie. You know the only reason you’re on top right now is because I didn’t get any sleep.” Maybe if you arched your back a little...

August groaned in your ear as your ass rubbed against his growing erection. 

“Shit, Y/N. The director is right there.”

You turned your head as much as you could to see Sloane standing at the gym entrance, surveying the cadets as they practiced their sparring. You wiggled your ass again, making Auggie growl at you.

“You’re not giving me a lot of options, baby. You know my brain doesn’t work when I’m sleep deprived.”

He grumbled and you felt him start to loosen the hold he had on your arms. You grinned to yourself as you wrapped one arm behind his neck, gripping the hair at the base of his scalp and rolling forward. You heard him give a small sound of surprise as you flipped him over, knocking all the air out of his lungs when you slammed him into the mat and wrapping your body around his shoulders, stretching him to the point of pain. 

“Damn it, I thought we were done.”

“I don’t remember tapping out, sweetie.” You gripped his wrist and stretched his arm even further as you squeezed your thighs around his neck. 

He wheezed for a second before a wicked grin spread over his face. “Y’know, when you get me in these holds, I can smell you, and it drives me fucking crazy.”

You almost loosened your hold at his admission but caught yourself at the last second. “August...” you growled in warning.

“I know you’re soaked under these sweats, sweetheart.” He turned his head as much as your hold would allow, running his nose along the inseam of your sweats until you released him with a hiss.

“Fine, it’s a draw.” You mumbled, drawing yourself to your feet as he chuckled darkly. “Equipment room in 5?”

“Walker, Y/L/N, with me.” Sloane gave a beckoning motion and the two of you moved to follow, sighing with frustration. 

You moved with the director as she marched back towards her office, shooting each other apprehensive looks as you considered what she may want to talk to you about.

“Good news you two.” Sloane announced as she closed the door to her office behind you. “We finally managed to get the heat off you from Interpol, and you’re set for a new assignment in Brazil.” She handed you your files detailing the op. “Looks like there’s a Syndicate group operating there, moving weapons through the black market there. You ship out in two days. Please do your best to remember, Syndicate members are assets, not targets.”

“Right, boss.” You murmured, flipping through your ID docs. August just grunted beside you.

“Alright, I heard the two of you are going out with the graduating cadets and trainers tonight to celebrate the end of the course. Don’t overdo it.” She gave you a knowing wink before you turned to leave the office.

“I think she knows about us.” August whispered as the two of you headed to your lockers.

You just laughed at him. “Auggie, honey, we’re the worst kept secret at Langley.” 

“Y/N, Walker, I hear congrats are in order! We’re gonna miss the two of you in training!” Melissa managed to find out everything as soon as it happened, you didn’t know how she got stuck in training instead of the field. “I’ll make sure everyone buys you a round at the club tonight.”

You groaned at that, those goddamn trainers would have you passed out if they got their way. You slammed your locker closed and turned back to August. 

“Meet you at the club, baby. Make sure to do your reading first!” You called over your shoulder as you headed out.

You arrived at the club 4 hours later to see August looking incredibly uncomfortable in the middle of a group of rowdy cadets. You tutted to yourself as you approached him, he always had a stick up his ass.

He saw you then, and his face relaxed as he walked to meet you.

“You’re late.” He grumbled as the two of you headed to the bar. “You know how much I hate talking to these kids.”

“Relax, grandpa.” You smiled before turning to order yourself a gin and tonic. “You gonna dance at all tonight, or just stand there glowering?”

He scoffed into his scotch as you grinned at him, moving closer and rubbing your foot over his calf suggestively. 

“Don’t you start something you’re not prepared to finish, beautiful.”

Just then, Melissa arrived with a tray full of tequila shots, and you let out a groan. This was the second time you got cock blocked today, and you were starting to get frustrated. 

“Look what I’ve got for you!” she said gleefully as the two of you winced at her.

“Melissa, I’ve told you a million times, I don’t do tequila.”

“C’mon, it’s your last night with us, just a couple.”

You took a deep breath and grabbed a shot for yourself, giving August a shrug before tossing it back. He hissed between his teeth as he downed his own.

“Fuck me, you sure this isn’t rubbing alcohol? Jesus, Melissa!”

She just handed the two of you two more with a giggle, and clapped her hands when you swallowed them. Before you knew it she was dragging you towards the dance floor, your head fuzzy from the tequila as you instructed August to watch your cocktail. He gave you a grin before turning back to the bar, but that quickly changed once he noticed movement in your glass.

August clenched his jaw as his arm shot out to grab the cadet that was wandering away from the bar, wrapping his fist around his upper arm with a vise-like grip.

“The fuck you think you’re doing?” He growled, a menacing glare taking over his face.

“Get your hand off me, man.” The frat boy idiot actually looked offended as he glanced down at August’s hand.

Walker just tightened his grip as he patted the asshole down, cocking an eyebrow as he pulled a tiny baggie of tablets out of his breast pocket.

“Graham, right? What’s a senator’s nephew doing with… what is this? GHB? Molly?”

“Look, buddy.” The moron gave him a grin like he was his friend as August stared him down. “That piece of ass needs some loosening up. I bet she’s a tiger in the sack.”

August threw your drink in his face before hauling him outside. He considered letting you handle it yourself, but he wanted to let off some steam.

He didn’t say anything, just punched the smarmy bastard in the face. The idiot didn’t even try to defend himself, pathetic.

“What the fuck?! You broke my nose!” Graham held a hand to his face as he stared at Walker in disbelief.

“Yeah, that’s not all I’m gonna do to you.” He growled as he set to work.

Five minutes later he stood over his handiwork, wiping the blood off his knuckles as he let out a sigh. That had gotten a little out of hand.

“Fuck.” He muttered, pulling his burner out of his suit pocket and dialing. “Yeah, this is Lark. Send a cleanup crew to the alley outside Sketch. Yeah, some senator’s nephew.” He frowned over the phone. “Because it’s a fucking order.” He hung up, not bothering to wait for the Syndicate’s sanitation team before heading back into the club to find you.

He found you on the dance floor and a hungry sneer came over his face. He strode toward you and wrapped a possessive hand around your throat from behind, drawing you fast against his chest and growling into your ear. You whined as he pulled you away from the group, Melissa beaming at the two of you like an idiot.

“Have fun you two!” She called as August steered you around a corner.

He pressed you into the wall behind a column, his mouth devouring yours as he slotted his knee between your legs. You whimpered as he shoved a hand in the front of your blouse, squeezing your breast viciously before tweaking your nipple to the point of your pain as you arched into his hand.

“Fuck, Auggie. What happened?” You were panting with need as he moved his face down to bury in your neck, his teeth scraping over your throat.

“I’ll tell you later. Are you still drunk?” He moved his other hand to the apex of your thighs and groaned against your chest when he felt your slick coated folds. You weren’t wearing any panties.

“No, the dancing burned most of it off. Shit.” You hissed as he inserted two fingers inside you, stretching you open as he fumbled with his zipper. “Can’t even make it to the bathroom, huh?”

“Sorry sweetheart.” He mumbled as he freed his dick from his slacks. “Sure seems like you were expecting this, though.”

He moved his lips to yours and swallowed your cry as he dipped his hips and plunged into you. His hands wrapped around your thighs and lifted them to wrap around him as he started to move his hips. He tried to move slow so it wasn’t obvious what the two of you were doing, but those goddamn tiny whimpers you were making into his mouth were making it hard for him to control himself.

“God, this cunt feels better every time I’m in it. Fuck.” You were clenching around him with each thrust and your breath was coming in ragged gasps, letting him know you were close. “Jesus Christ, it’s barely been a minute. You’re so fucking sensitive.” He nipped at your bottom lip and stilled his hips for a beat as he teased you.

You slapped his bicep playfully and whined. “Shut the fuck up and move, asshole.”

He braced one hand on the wall and drew his hips back slowly before slamming into you. You buried your face in his neck to muffle your scream as you came apart. Your pussy fluttered around him as every muscle went rigid. He felt you sobbing against him as your muscles quivered in your release, his hips still setting a punishing pace as he fucked you through it.

“Shit, honey.” He murmured against your cheek as you came down. “You make it so easy.”

Your snort turned into a whimper as a particularly deep thrust had him kissing your cervix. “Fuck, Auggie.”

“Yeah, right there?”

You nodded vigorously as your face screwed up in bliss, leaning it back against the wall as he picked up the pace.

His cock was dragging against that sweet spot inside you with each thrust and it was all you could focus on. Your thighs squeezed around him as he brought you closer and closer to another orgasm. He loved watching you take it, getting completely lost in your pleasure. And knowing he was the one doing this to you was just icing on the cake.

“You close, gorgeous?” He asked, feeling his own imminent release looming.

“Shit, shit!”

He was extremely grateful for the loud music as you screamed in your release. He swallowed a shout of his own as his cock twitched and his cum spurted into you, painting your insides as his hips faltered and he collapsed against you.

“Jesus.” You whispered as you set your feet on the floor, August still sheathed in you as he softened. “Public sex, who knew?”

You felt his chest rumble against you as he gave a low chuckle, sliding out of you gently before he tucked himself back into his slacks. He ducked his head to give you a tender kiss as he drew down the hem of your skirt over your thighs.

“We should go back to your place.” He whispered after he released you, leaving you breathless.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you tonight, but I’m totally fine with it. Lemme just say goodbye to Melissa.”

He grinned as he watched you saunter away, your gait a little wobbly as you tried to keep his cum from leaking out of you. He was really looking forward to your new assignment. The thought of being cooped up with you for several months was making him hard already.

Tags:

@slothspaghettiwrites @stargazingfangirl18 @starlightcrystalline @jack-skellingtons-stuff @drabblewithfrannybarnes @captain-asguard @harrysthiccthighss @bonkywobble @dslap65 @stanallstarks @macgruberrr @blackestpinkworld @wanderinglunarnights @sebslut @allinhishands

[lesser-mook]

I Hate Superman

“I hate Superman because he’s boring”

*Multiple Stories where my dude is a family man/Goes through existential Crisis/ Contracted a terminal condition which resulted in his death/ Talks about deep shit like the State of humanity with a Priest/ Loses his powers & still fights crime/ Presses a dude that abuses his child:

Superman 1939 #705

 Prevents someone from ending their own life, by showing patience & giving a shit:

Superman 1939 #701

“I hate Superman because he doesn’t train or knows how to fight!”

Superman 1987 #215

Uses super speed to perform multiple flying kicks: Martial arts (Batman)

Action Comics 2011 #13

My personal favorite: Boxing, look at him lean into that punch  👏

Adventures of Superman 1987 #581 : 

*Legions more of Panels & scans showing the man knowing how to fight & has trained with other people that are masters of their respective Art*

“I hate Superman because he’s OP!!!”

*Meanwhile most likely has never read Depowered/TRUTH Arc, where the topics were him literally being more human than he already was.

Later on after fighting some punks with heavy weaponry:

Superman 2011 #40

*Probably has never read or heard of “DEATH of Superman arc”, where a character was specifically created to establish (at the time) that Superman CAN be disputed:

*Has to have missed all the instances of him getting nerfed- (or how Clark has mental blocks to suppress himself, basically a self nerf)

or probably has never heard of Shazam, Doomsday, Wonder Woman, Maxima, Darkseid, Parasite, Zod, Mxy, Ultraman, Mandrakk etc:

Characters that can compete with him physically or the latter (Like Darkseid & Mxy): 

characters that Supes cannot possibly beat in a straight up fight  without trying 110%+ & or HAS to get stronger in order for him to compete-

Superman The Animated Series (Young Superman)

Justice League “Twilight Arc” (Medium Level)

Justice League Unlimited (LVL99)

And even then, Darkseid is no punk just because you got a training arc, this isn’t a Shonen Anime 

(where you win with the power of friendship, a pop song, or You Say Run starts playing and a sudden powerup crawls out your ass🌈 )

Superman has to seriously be on his A+ game to contend with Darkseid, if he’s not; He pays for it, and by proxy everyone else if he loses.

And If he has to try that hard against an opponent, then he’s not as OP as you think he is; He’s just way stronger than most. 

He’s stronger than your favorite character, for some, that’s the crux of the issue.

They’re sick of seeing his name being the #1, and i get it. I was one of those haters.

And yet, most fight threads you find with a Superman/Super strength archetype- Superman name going to be dropped eventually, people just can’t help it despite complaining about op he is.

And he was est. in 1938, so if you think a character that old isn’t going to be strong af; i don’t know what else to say beside: “Cope”.

Because the ideal that everyone can be a hero, everyone can & should be decent to each other, and do the right thing- will never be obsolete-

Is why Superman will always be relevant.

I’m the most pessimist person i know: 

Beyond my own common sense- Superman as a concept, reminds me why i shouldn’t think seeing the worst in everything & everyone is an attitude that’s okay to indulge in. Just cause i’m that way by nature, yet that doesn’t mean it’s okay, cause it’s not.

It can hold you back in life if you indulge in it, it’s okay to accept that there’s some good on Earth without strings attached-

That’s the point of Superman:

An example that we can better; That’s Superman.

Hence why he’s the blueprint of modern Superheroes. Beyond just the power levels, it’s also his humanity that makes him special.

“I hate Superman”  🚮

[guiltyidealist]

op has me blocked but it’s an important post so I’m reposting the text

I see a lot of people saying they “would never date a transgender person” and accusing several well-meaning trans people (who are ill-equipped to explain why that’s transphobic) of perpetuating ideas born from rape culture.

since I’m sick of seeing the same conversations with all the same pitfalls, here’s why saying things like “I’d never date a trans person” is harmful and bigoted:

you can’t always tell who is and isn’t trans just by looking at them. we all know that “date” is used in the previous statement as shorthand for “be into/attracted to,” as in “I’m not into/attracted to any transgender people, even if they identify as a gender I’m capable of feeling attraction towards.” attraction (typically) relies on a combination of personality traits and visible physical features, and unless you live in a nudist colony, you won’t have any idea what someone’s genitals look like at first sight, much less which binary gender they were assigned at birth. but once again, you can’t tell someone’s gender (let alone “”biological sex””) just by looking at them. you might think that all trans people have some sort of “tell” or “giveaway”, like an adam’s apple or lack thereof, but that simply isn’t the case, ESPECIALLY when you take gender-reaffirming hormone treatments and surgeries into account. sorry, but you won’t be able to tell the difference between a trans person who passes in every way and a cis person who hasn’t altered their body. you think you know what our voices sound like, that our “true gender” is betrayed by the shape of our skull or the curves of our hips, but you don’t.

finding masculine women and feminine men less attractive than masculine men and feminine women isn’t the same thing as finding trans people less attractive than cis people. shockingly enough, there are a LOT of feminine cisgender men and masculine cisgender women. if you don’t find short hair attractive on women, that’s fine! same with long hair on men–that’s just part of an aesthetic preference. the problem lies with making the assumption that all trans women are “obviously too masculine” and all trans men are “obviously too feminine”. once again, you usually won’t be able to tell who’s trans on sight. many violent hate crimes against trans people only occur because someone *wasn’t* able to clock us on sight, only to find out we’re trans later and feel disgusted and ashamed for ever being attracted to us. it’s okay to find certain physical features that you associate with one extreme presentation or the other less attractive than others, as long as you’re well aware of how racism and colorism factor into “personal preferences” too.

just because you know the gender someone was assigned at birth doesn’t mean you know how sex with them would functionally work. now, this isn’t to say you’re ~morally obligated~ to have or even consider having sex with someone when you don’t want to. all I’m pointing out is that many people jump to the conclusion that all trans women have penises and all trans men have vaginas, when that’s just not true. many of us have had (or will at some point have) bottom surgery, which renders our genitalia virtually indistinguishable from “the real deal.” witty little clapbacks like “don’t expect me to suck your girldick” and “I don’t want your boypussy” are pretty common in discourse, but given that not all trans people keep the genitals we’re born with, they only serve as a reminder of how uneducated people are when it comes to our bodies.

trans people know better than anyone how traumatizing the threat of sexual assault can be. like many modern day cisgender sexual predators, transgender sexual predators tend to target vulnerable people in online spaces. as a trans person who was repeatedly sexually assaulted by another trans person, I can testify that it’s much easier for predators to privately win someone’s trust from a distance and get them alone in a socially acceptable manner rather than brazenly attempting an assault in full view of other people. the chances of a transgender sexual predator going into public bathrooms and attacking their victims in broad daylight are slim to none, especially given how many people are already trying to deny trans people human rights based on the unfounded fear that ALL trans people are “too dangerous” to be allowed in public bathrooms. but contrary to popular belief, we’re much more likely to be sexually assaulted ourselves, and usually by cisgender men. (you know, that one large demographic with an alarmingly high rate of turning out sexual predators.)

it costs $0.00 to stay in your lane. if you personally find some random trans person unattractive, cool! keep it to yourself. we don’t need “friendly reminders” that you’d never want to date or have sex with us; trust me, we know. it’s rare that I go a day without being reminded of how grotesque and repulsive my body is to cis people, there’s really no need to pour salt in the wound.

thanks for coming to my TED talk, don’t be an obtuse piece of shit in the replies.

[clevercorvidae]

I think the issue with Twitter is it fucking sucks ass and the limited character format encourages black and white thinking

No but you’re actually so right. Arguments that require lots of in depth explanation and context are boiled down one liner comebacks. People make assumptions on limited information. Because you can’t explain stuff in depth people rely on caards with lots of misinfo and no sources.

Apart from that you’ve got the twitter trending algorithm which sucks ass which leads to people being guikted into only talking about important world events instead of using fandom as escape from those events

Then there’s the fact that you can see everything everyone’s ever liked, how many followers someone has, who follows who, etc which gives people power trips and leads to others making assumptions, again, on contextless info.

Then there’s spaces which are the equivalent of a Socratic Seminar held in a freshman classroom moderated by a first year teacher on pain meds.

There’s no good way of tagging things for trigger warnings cause the muted words algorithm is also weird as fuck so it takes a lot from your limited character count

Everything on your timeline is based on another screwed up algorithm so you can’t see anything in order and will end up seeing shit a day after it’s posted

For some reason when you look a up a word, people who have that word in their display name will have EVERY TWEET THEY MAKE show up in the search, making the search function almost useless.

Unlike on here, blocking someone doesn’t make it to where that person’s existence is wiped from your pov so blocking people isn’t as effective.

You can’t search a person’s account which seems like it’d be a good thing but it makes finding shit super hard so everything is disorganized

The fact that you can even pqrt shit and have that number show up to the op is kinda fucked up.

Twitlonger links glitch out super often so trying to get past the character limit is hard as hell

The entire concept of ratio-ing someone is weird as hell and reeks of the numbers problem I talked about earlier.

It’s a horrible platform. It’s so poorly designed for discussion, for fandom, etc idk why we still use the hunk of garbage

[tigerkirby215]

5e Olaf, the Beserker build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Phroilan Gardner. Made for Riot Games.)

Olaf sounds like ProZD’s Archibald voice. Especially Olaf’s voice lines for using his Q it sounds exactly like ProZD’s “Huah! I think that enemy got the point!” Like I’m not crazy right? Please tell me I’m not the only one who hears this.

Anyways Olaf has been on my To Do List ever since I realized that I haven’t made a single champion whose name starts with the letter O. My desire to make Olaf was only further accentuated by the Sentinels of Light event, even if his inclusion in that event could best be summed up with...

But I won’t ignore Olaf just because the Sentinels of Light event was a flop. He’s still a compelling character that I have actually gotten some requests to make. After all: the dual-axe wielding Barbarian is an iconic image!

I mean, Olaf is probably just going to be 20 levels in Beserker Barbarian so I don’t know why you need me to make a build for that.

GOALS

C'mon, I won't hurt you - We’ll need ways to heal when we harm in the middle of combat.

Death by steel! - Swing axe, throw axe; unga bunga me play Olaf.

The might of Lokfar approaches - I didn’t manage to do so with Mundo but Olaf is going to need to have CC immunity.

RACE

Olaf is a human; feel free to pick a different race like Goliath or even Custom Lineage to justify him being Iceborn but Variant Human is still the best option. Increase your Strength by 1 as well as your Constitution, grab any skill proficiency of your choice as it honestly doesn’t matter much for Olaf (maybe you should’ve been Custom Lineage for Darkvision after all?), and the Primordial language because I’m sure you picked up on the language of the wild.

For your feat you have a choice: Dual Wielder will let you wield two d8 Battleaxes (instead of d6 Handaxes) and also increase your AC by 1 while dual-wielding, but the Fighting Initiate feat will let you grab Two-Weapon Fighting which will let you add your Strength modifier to your second axe’s swing. I persually opted for Dual Wielder as it gives you more benefits overall, and we’ll be getting ways to throw axes without having to hold onto them first.

ABILITY SCORES

15; STRENGTH - I mean, you’re a shirtless Barbarian running around with two axes. You thought this would be a DEX build?

14; CONSTITUTION - The reason you can’t die is because you’re so hardy. Sucks!

13; CHARISMA - Despite Riot’s great attempts at writing you as poorly as possible you do still have some sort of Charisma. Remember that Charisma is force of personality, not necessarily good looks or personal hygiene. Charisma is needed for Intimidation as well as multiclassing.

12; DEXTERITY - You need to be quick on your feet to run at your enemies with reckless abandon.

10; WISDOM - If you were wise you wouldn’t be trying to kill yourself.

8; INTELLIGENCE - You stopped caring about education the moment you were born. Battle is the only thing in your blood!

This build is also quite viable with Point Buy, going for a stat array like 15 / 12 / 14 / 8 / 8 / 14 if you want lower mental stats but higher combat stats.

BACKGROUND

The Uthgardt Tribe Member background from the Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide is basically the Outlander background but you actually belonged to Freljordian society once. Regardless you do get proficiency in Athletics as well as Survival (”Survival” as in finding food to eat, not as in keeping safe on the battlefield!), a musical instrument or artisan’s tool of your choice (choose whatever you fancy and make your own Olaf, as long as it’s something a warrior would do! I personally opted for Smith’s Tools to sharpen your axes), and a language of your choice (pick whatever language they spoke back in the villages.)

Your background Uthgardt Heritage is the Outlander’s Wanderer feature with extra steps: along with being able to find food and water you are also treated well by nomads and wanderers who have heard of your glorious battles!

(Artwork by Marie Magny and West Studios. Made for Riot Games.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - BARBARIAN 1

Starting off as a Barbarian because what else would we be? You get proficiency in two skills from the Barbarian list: Intimidation is an obvious must and Perception will help you find good fights to take!

As a Barbarian you get Unarmored Defense equal to your Dexterity plus your Constitution, which is currently a 13... Well Medium Armor is an option if you want to finally put on a shirt. And of course as a Barbarian you can Rage to deal more damage and resist incoming damage! You can’t cast spells while Raging, but that won’t matter, right? It’s not like I’m about to give you caster levels.

LEVEL 2 - FIGHTER 1

Quickly hopping over to Fighter to further your martial skills. You can grab a Fighting Style like Thrown Weapon Fighting to draw weapons in the same action you make to throw them, and also do +2 damage with thrown weapon attacks. See? Told you we’d be able to throw axes easily!

You also get Second Wind for some not-quite-Lifesteal to keep you in the fight to claim even more glory! Certainly not to stay alive.

LEVEL 3 - FIGHTER 2

Well another Fighter level for Action Surge is certainly worth it, as you can push yourself to destroy your foes!

LEVEL 4 - FIGHTER 3

But we need one more Fighter level to be able to get our axes back after we throw them. Eldritch Knights get Weapon Bond, allowing them to always keep two weapons on hand and never lose them. While bonded with a weapon you can’t be disarmed of them, and you can use a Bonus Action to recall a weapon if it’s not in your hands. My suggestion would be to bond to a Battleaxe and a Handaxe, so you can’t be disarmed of at least one of your main weapons and can also call your thrown axe back to throw it again!

You also get Spellcasting as an Eldritch Knight: You learn two cantrips from the Wizard list, and three spells as well. You may be thinking “wait; didn’t you dump Intelligence?” That is correct, but you don’t need Intelligence to cast Light to see with your dumb human eyes (I mean technically you need Intelligence if you want to cast Light on someone else but it’s probably easier just to light up your axe and throw it at them) or Prestidigitation, which is a better spell for creating bonfires than the actual Create Bonfire spell.

Your leveled spells have to be from either the Evocation or Abjuration schools, but thankfully Absorb Elements and Shield are both from the Abjuration school and also don’t need Intelligence. Protect yourself from damage to have a truly glorious death! Because it’s not like blocking attacks will keep you alive.

You can also learn one spell from any school and uhhhh... Pick your poison between Jump and Longstrider, to make it easier to chase your foes. Are there probably better spells? Yeah, but do they fit Olaf?

(Artwork by Xiao Guang Sun and West Studios. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 5 - PALADIN 1

Jumping over to Paladin for a few abilities, such as Divine Sense to find some things that will put up a good fight like Fiends, Undead, or... Celestials? I’m sure they hit hard! You can also find a good desecrated (or consecrated) battleground with this ability, as I’m sure there will be good enemies there! You only know of an enemy’s type however, not their name. And if they’re hiding from you this ability won’t make it any easier to find them.

You also get Lay on Hands, which is like lifesteal you can give to allies! You have a pool of hit points equal to your Paladin level times 5, and you can use it to either heal (at a rate of 1 point per hitpoint) or neutralize a poison or disease affecting a target. (5 Lay on Hands health to neutralize one poison or disease.) Dying to natural causes isn’t a glorious death, brother!

LEVEL 6 - PALADIN 2

We’ll also need second level in Paladin to get a Fighting Style, but since Wizards of the Coast hates fun you can’t can’t take Two-Weapon Fighting, and since we’re running around in our birthday suit Defense also isn’t an option. The best official Fighting Style you can take is Blind Fighting (Blessed Warrior is okay too if you want Guidance I guess) but talk to your DM about potentially letting you take Two-Weapon Fighting? It’s not like it’s OP or anything (in all honesty it’s kinda shit.)

Paladins also get... more Spellcasting?! Disgusting! Well this spellcasting is based on your Charisma modifier instead of your Intelligence, which might be why we have it at a 14. But even so you can’t prepare that many spells: Divine Favor will let you empower all your attacks with more damage for some Vicious Strikes, Cure Wounds will again be acting as life-not-quite-steal, and Shield of Faith will let you or an ally absorb more blows, not that you want to live or anything. Also remember to check the Player’s Handbook to see how many spell slots you’d have after mixing two casters together.

But I still think the best course of action for your spell slots is to use them for Divine Smite! Throw caution and magic to the wind to make a Reckless Swing that does extra Radiant damage (depending on the level of the spell slot used.) The Smite deals 2d8 of damage for a first level slot, and an additional d8 of damage for every slot above first. (The simple way to remember this is that you roll a number of d8s equal to the spell slot used plus one.) If the enemy is a Fiend or Undead the damage increases by a d8! The maximum level spell slot you can use for this is a 4th level slot (for 5d8 damage, or 6d8 against a Fiend or Undead), but I doubt we’ll get spell slots that big.

LEVEL 7 - PALADIN 3

We may as well take a third level in Paladin for a Sacred Oath, and you swore an Oath of Glory in battle! Along with Guiding Bolt and Heroism being added to your spell list (as if you can cast spells lmao) you get two Channel Divinity options: Peerless Athlete turns you into... well, a Peerless Athlete with advantage on Athletics and Acrobatics checks. You can also carry, push, drag, and lift twice as much weight as normal, and to top it off the distance of your long and high jumps increases by 10 feet. This boost lasts for 10 minutes which should be more than enough to give it your all in battle!

Alternatively for some more not-quite-lifesteal Inspiring Smite can be activated after you Smite to give yourself or nearby allies within 30 feet temporary hitpoints. The total number of temporary hit points gained by this ability equals 2d8 + your Paladin level, and you can distribute them amongst yourself and your allies however you wish. Technically the most gameplay-accurate way to split the Temp HP would be to take it all yourself but being helpful has its benefits. A battle is truly glorious if fought alongside an army of companions!

You also get Divine Health, because Glory doesn’t die on sick days!

LEVEL 8 - PALADIN 4

It’s about time to take that 4th Paladin level to finally get an Ability Score Improvement: +2 to Strength for stronger axe swings is an obvious choice!

You can also prepare another spell like Bless, which will make it easier for you and your allies to smite your foes and survive their blows! Wait, what was that about surviving?

(Artwork made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 9 - PALADIN 5

Since it’s so close we may as well take the 5th level of Paladin so you can finally make an Extra Attack. That means you have two attacks normally and a third attack with your Bonus Action thanks to Two-Weapon Fighting!

You can also prepare second level Paladin spells now, and the Oath of Glory gives you Enhance Ability and Magic Weapon as spells you can cast. Believe it or not these are actually useful, even with your low spellcasting modifier!

LEVEL 10 - PALADIN 6

The 6th level of Paladin is honestly too good to pass up: even though Aura of Protection is only adding +2 to all your saving throws (since your Charisma is kinda uhhh... not good?) that’s still +2 to all your saves, as well as the saves of your allies within 10 feet. That’s like, two whole Rings of Protection!

Speaking of rings: Warding Bond was added to the Paladin spell list thanks to Tasha’s and it’ll let you take damage for your allies to die in their place! As long as you don’t mind wearing some platnium rings in your beard, at least.

LEVEL 11 - PALADIN 7

What we’re really here for is the 7th level of Glory Paladin. Aura of Alacrity will increase the speed of you and your allies within 5 feet (not 10, because Wizards of the Coast are weird) by 10 feet, so you can charge at your foes with the might of Ragnarok!

LEVEL 12 - PALADIN 8

But we may as well take the 8th level of Paladin for another Ability Score Improvement: cap off your Strength for the deadliest strikes possible.

You can also prepare another spell but it would be wise to wait for...

(Artwork by JoJo So. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 13 - PALADIN 9

9th level Paladins can prepare third level spells like Crusader’s Mantle to give all your nearby allies the Divine Favor buff to rush into battle with you! But the main reason we’re dipping this deep into Paladin is for the two spells from the Oath of Glory: Protection from Energy perhaps isn’t all that fitting, but Haste is insanely useful and powerful. More attacks, more speed, more... armor? Well, it’s no matter. More glorious battle!

LEVEL 14 - PALADIN 10

10th level Paladins won’t be swayed by magic swaying their hearts! Aura of Courage will let you (and your allies within 10 feet) laugh in the face of death as you gain immunity to the Frightened condition!

You can also prepare another spell like Aura of Vitality: you can use it to heal yourself but healing your allies will lead to a far more glorious story to tell of your death.

LEVEL 15 - PALADIN 11

I promise that we’ll go back to Barbarian levels soon but 11th level Paladins get a huge boost to their damage output thanks to Improved Divine Smite. This ability affects all your attacks (not just your Smites despite the name) to give them an extra d8 of Radiant damage. This has obvious synergy with your choice to swing two axes since your Two-Weapon Fighting attack will also get that extra d8 of damage!

LEVEL 16 - PALADIN 12

Okay but let’s quickly grab the 12th level of Paladin first. You can either increase your Constitution for more health and AC, or your Charisma for better saving throws and spellcasting. I personally opted for Charisma but if you value health and AC then Constitution is good too!

Oh and yeah you can prepare more spells, but there aren’t really that many other third level spells I want.

(Artwork by Alvin Lee. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 17 - PALADIN 13

That’s because 13th level Paladins finally get 4th spells which most importantly means Freedom of Movement! There you go you finally have Ragnarok’s CC immunity! You also get Compulsion which sure would be a good spell if you had any Charisma to actually cast it.

But you can also prepare more spells like Aura of Purity so you and your allies can shrug off whatever your foes might throw at you to stop you from reaching them, or Death Ward which you ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT USE ON YOURSELF.

LEVEL 18 - PALADIN 14

Okay but the 14th level of Paladin gives you Cleansing Touch, letting you cleanse spells without spell slots to cast Freedom of Movement. You can use this feature a number of times equal to your Charisma modifier and regain all expended uses at the end of a Long Rest.

You could also perhaps prepare another spell like... Aid? I don’t know really by this point the magic is secondary. We’ll be going back to Barbarian soon anyways.

LEVEL 19 - PALADIN 15

But 15th level Glory Paladins get Glorious Defense, and we can’t pass that up! When you or another creature you can see (technically an enemy if you so desire!) within 10 feet of you is hit by an attack roll, you can use your reaction to grant a bonus to the target’s AC against that attack equal to your Charisma modifier. If the attack misses you can make one weapon attack against the attacker as part of this reaction, provided the attacker is within your weapon’s range. You can do this a number of times equal to your Charisma modifier, and regain all uses at the end of a Long Rest.

LEVEL 20 - PALADIN 16

But since it’s so close one final level in Paladin would be good for one final ASI: again more Constitution means more health and AC, but more Charisma will boost all your Paladin abilities!

Speaking of Paladin abilities you can prepare one more spell before we start taking more Barbarian levels... honestly you can pick your poison as it won’t matter much when your Raging!

...Wait.

WHY NO BARBARIAN LEVELS?

There’s a lot of things that I can’t do as a Barbarian. The most notable option that would be restricted if I went pure Barbarian would be Freedom of Movement, and while crowd control is somewhat rare in D&D being able to ignore it is far more important to Olaf as a character.

There’s also no Barbarian that has lifesteal besides Path of the Beast, and the only Barbarian that can throw its axe easily is Path of Wild Magic. Obviously neither of these fit Olaf.

Ultimately Paladin gave us more of Olaf’s abilities. The only ability that Barbarians have which fit Olaf other than Unarmored Defense and I guess Unarmored Movement would be Feral Instinct. But even the Barbarian subclasses don’t fit Olaf with the only ones which make any sense being maybe Totem Warrior? (Despite Olaf’s title Berserker wouldn’t fit him well, mostly because Berserker is a bad subclass.) But we miss out on so many of Olaf’s actual abilities by making him a Barbarian.

tl;dr Barbarians can’t do magic and Olaf has a ton of abilities that can only be recreated in D&D with magic

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Urge to kill rising... - Two-Weapon Fighting really doesn’t get the respect it deserves by the D&D community. You wouldn’t be able to get three attacks as a level 11 Paladin in any other way, meaning that you can truly capitalize on Improved Divine Smite. Not to mention the general increased DPS of 3 attacks and 3 chances to Smite!

Faster to battle! - It was not my intention but Glory Paladins are surprisingly good team players with a variety of spells and abilities that can keep your team alive and increase their strength in battle.

Obliteration! - You’re fairly hard to kill... oops. But between decently high health, spells to defend yourself, and damn high saving throws no matter how you increase your Charisma you’ll be quite a challenge to eventually take down! Sure your AC might suck... we should probably talk about that.

CONS

The worth of a man can be measured by the length of his beard, and the girth of his belt buckle - Hey remember that one Barbarian level I took pretty much entirely so you could have Unarmored Defense? Yeah honestly it’s gimping you hard, to the point that even Mage Armor would give you more AC. Honestly playing this build as Fighter 4 / Paladin 16 would be far better as you’d get one more ASI at the cost of actually having to wear armor. Hell going full Paladin 20 would give you the Living Legend capstone which is crazy strong, and while the loss of Action Surge would hurt you can grab the Thrown Weapon Fighting Style with a feat. (Or just take Two-Weapon Fighting style with your Variant Human Feat and run around with Hand Axes.)

If you’re really dead-set on going unarmored beg your DM for a Barrier Tattoo: either a Rare one (you’ll still need 14 DEX for something something legally-not-Medium Armor) or a Very Rare one (so you don’t even have to worry about Dexterity.) You can even go the Tahm Kench route and grab Eldritch Adept for Disguise Self to look unarmored if it’s really that important to you.

Well that was a pretty long con to say “Barbarian Olaf bad.” What else is there?

Chop chop! - Who would’ve guessed that dumping both mental stats would make you a dummy? While Aura of Protection saves you to some extent the party won’t be turning to you for any History checks.

Finally, some fun! - You have a rather silly amount of spells relative to your spell slots, and a good number of them are Concentration as well. Throwing all your slots to the wind to Divine Smite with reckless abandon sounds fun but managing both your Concentration and your spell slots will take some effort.

But your choice to go in without armor is just a self-handicap after all: you really want to die, and prove yourself in death! Fight the toughest fights and take down the strongest foes until you finally prove your prophecy wrong and fall before the blade of the mightiest foe! But perhaps you should instead sit down and have a muffin, and think about why you truly want to die die die.

(Artwork made for Riot Games.)