#and I am taking five in the bathroom ^_^
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dreamerwriternstargazer · 9 months ago
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Having a mental breakdown at work while smiling and teaching 😄
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badgopher · 2 days ago
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Google Maps: In 200 feet, merge onto highway 69 South Me, under my breath, to myself, every gd time: nice
~~~
"Oh my god I’m sooo sore! Wait, the guy that I watch every night Is using MY stream"
"So you can’t put it down?"
"No, I can’t put it down, I gotta do it for Ammir"
(40,602 watching)
~~~
Lawrence feels like a big small town. Overland Park feels like a small big city.
~~~
Cashier: Do you have a phone number with us? Me: Nope Cashier: Do you want to sign up today? Me: No thanks, just the receipt Cashier: Okay, I'm gonna need your first and last name Me: *shrugs* Cashier: It won't let me give you a receipt without your name Crickets: *chirping*
~~~
Me, deploying the emergency nail clippers: I wonder how many monsters have trimmed their toenails on this carpet
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britneyshakespeare · 16 days ago
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Yesterday at the high school I was in for this art teacher and they all had like projects they were gonna present to work on in Google classroom, so like many days as a substitute teacher it was quiet and I mostly just sat at the desk and read. But then this one kid in my peripheral vision was looking at me and when I glanced over her laughed a little. And I looked away cuz I was like whatever maybe he was whispering smth w his friends.
But then he says "I have a question"
"Yeah?"
"What two colors make purple?"
"Oh. Red and blue"
"Thank you... I appreciate the no judgment answer"
I didn't even think about it lol
#when youve been asked enough silly questions you just accept all of them#tales from diana#and this class in particular was not an intro class which. makes it a little extra funny#i told him ive heard sillier questions and he said 'like what?' and i was just like... oh idk but i used to work prek#i guess i am such a no judgment person that it didn't even register to me hed worry abt me laughing at him#u just forgot kid! its ok it happens to the best of us#there was also another interaction i had at the end of the day which was kinda weird#the last like 10 minutes. there was this kid in the front of the room like#apparently he was dancing and i guess i turned my head like toward the whiteboard for one sec#bc i was thinking abt erasing it. which was right next to him#and he was like 'she totally saw me bust that move' to his friends#i didn't know if they meant me or they were talking abt some other student. but fwiw i totally was not looking at him lol#but five minutes later i go up to erase the board#and the kid is still standing there and he's like 'what was your name again?' (it was literally on the board still. kids dont read)#'miss -----' 'oh. it was nice to meet you' and i was kinda like uh the fuck lol#i can't stress enough i dont 'meet' most of these high school students i just take attendance#i didn't say a word to any kids this class unless they asked to go to the bathroom#but i was like. uhm. 'nice meeting you too' like wtf?#'nice being here at my job where i oversee dozens of interchangeable students everyday'#ive always said i can usually tell when students have a crush on me. but that really applies to like. k-8#bc of how little i really get to work w high schoolers it's not like i can just read their minds#even if im a 'pretty substitute' to them i dont know that and they dont talk to me and i dont care#it's definitely weirder to have a teenager talk to u like ur a cute girl or smth. bc they don't do it in the earnest way of younger kids#not that that was like an offensive interaction it was just completely unexpected and awkward lol
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coquelicoq · 1 year ago
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my ex, who lives alone, is apparently about to buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom, 2-garage house. what. i'm getting stressed out just hearing about it. tf you gonna do with all that space, bro? how you gonna clean all those bathrooms???
#he's like well i want one room for my home office and one room for my hobby and one guest room#add in a bedroom for him and that's still only 4 bedrooms? you have an entire extra bedroom????#plus an extra garage???#damn he thinks he's lonely now but dude just you wait until you spend every day ALONE IN A FIVE-BEDROOM HOUSE#trying not to project too much onto him but i really think this is absurd outside of my own preferences#he's been stressed living in his 1b apt bc his hobby takes up a lot of space#but i think this is just another example of his general propensity to treat the symptoms and not the disease#the problem is he's overcommitting & extending himself too much & he never finishes anything#that's what actually stresses him out#so him in a 5b house is just going to be him filling all that space with stuff until he's stressed again#anyway i have NO IDEA how to react to this because i think it's such a bad idea#i'm really bad at faking things i don't feel but i feel like it's too late to say 'wyd bro???' because apparently his offer was accepted#i did ask him how he's going to clean 4 bathrooms and he said he's just not going to use them#also it feels weird morally for a single (rich) man to buy an entire 5b house only for him in the middle of the seattle housing crisis#not like if he didn't buy it someone else would buy it and make it into affordable housing units so maybe it doesn't matter#still feels weird though and contributes to me not knowing how to react#if you have any advice for me followers...i am all ears#i've been really floundering on how to be a supportive friend to him lately#just really struggling with how to engage with him when it feels like he's his own worst enemy#and like it's not that he needs to have the same priorities as me it's just that he comes to me all stressed out and idk how to react#bc 'no shit you're stressed out. have you tried making completely different choices?' isn't a great option lol
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unganseylike · 2 months ago
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when are we as a society going to make men in stem stop talking to julia unganseylike
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lilgynt · 4 months ago
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eating disorders making ur stomach hurt when you’ve finally eaten or drunk something after a hot minute is so fucking evil it’s not funny. the bowel issues too
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binch-i-might-be · 1 year ago
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I need y'all to know that I'm like really aggressively cleaning/tidying/taking out trash/(shoving my brother's trash he left in the hallway into his room) rn. I am fixing my entire life. no more amazon boxes in the living room no more full trash bags in random places no more dishes and balls of yarn and random shit I have to step over eighteen times a day. I am CLEANSING THIS SPACE
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dylawas-reblogs · 1 year ago
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One thing I do look forward to about in-person work for the first time in four and a half years, even if it's 28 miles of travel both ways right during the worst winter months, is I can't be my father's free Chore Servant when he's too busy (read: disorganized and lazy) to sort things before he leaves for the day
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paperconsumption · 2 years ago
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i’m so good at ignoring my bladder when i’m playing enstars or reading why can’t i do it on this bus
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mxalmighty · 8 months ago
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The Great Almighty Apartment Deep Clean of 2024
is officially underway. My bathroom is the cleanest gd place in this whole building now. It's like stepping into an entirely new universe.
I did that. Me. All by myself. /proud bean
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cinnabeat · 8 months ago
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anyways i was speaking to a friend the other day (yesterday????) and have come to the realization that the year before graduation curse has struck me again
#i. in ALL my school years. have mever had a good hear before graduation#fourth grade? terrible. i got forcibly introduced to social situations i had to navigate that i didnt understand nor care abt#AND had the worst teacher in my life who genuienly hated me personally#seventh grade? crash course into bullying and also learning to Be A Person#would not recommend#eleventh grade? gun to my head i could not tell you anything meaningful that happened to me that year beyond having a breakdown in the girls#bathroom bc there was something incredibly wrong with me and school was no longer easy (adhd my beloved)#AND also new social situations AGAIN and being forcibly befriended with people that in hindsight i didnt actually like very much#AND the stress of college and sats and ap tests and acts and everything and trying to figure out what kind of future i envisioned for myself#when i had literally never thought abt my future beyond what classes i take next school year#this year? i dont know what the fuck is happening but it is perhaps a combination of the covid lockdowns and having like. zero friends. and#also again trying to figure out what future i envision myself that is Not working a retail job for the rest of my life bc i kind of#cant care less#now i am not naive enough to believe medicine would fix me#however i think adhd meds would in fact fix me#i dont think im experiencing shrimp emotions#i think im experiencing like. amoeba emotions#or like. the ant that for one brief second understood what it is like to be a human#and then is forever left with the haunting feeling of wrongness#otherwise known as cosmic horror. or like worm emotions idk#michi tag#anyways. its five am god help me
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karmaphone · 10 months ago
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nearly sobbing at 5:30 in the morning because the goddamn toilet paper roll perfectly encapsulates every fucking problem I have in this house :')
#like. they keep claiming they have no preference for how it is placed on the holder. I am allegedly the only one with a preference#(tail end on top)#and yet. despite the fact that they allegedly have no preference. every single goddamn time. it is set upside down#it takes no effort to adjust to one basic household preference. simply remember that someone actually cares. but since it's my thing no one#ever fucking bothers :)#and yes :) this extends to :) everything :)#big and small preferences :) no matter what it is :)#oh you want your house at a livable temperature instead of 50 fucking degrees because you have REYNAUDS??? too much no no no#you want your kitchen organized and things to go back in the same places? absolutely not!#you want your DRAWERS AND CABINETS CLOSED? FUCK YOU!!!#you want organized times on the bathroom because it would help you with work prep? go fuck yourself!!!#you want to eat food? oh you left it in a cabinet too long and the middle aged woman who lives with you decided it's fair game#you want to spray for roaches and do laundry? sorry baby I'm too scared to ask my mom for five fucking dollars#even after giving her thousands on top of a years worth of wages :)#I'm just. I'm fucking sick of every little preference of mine being dismissed and disrespected#I can't even control my own diet anymore. it's just things that my mil Might Not Steal (and still sometimes does)#I'm. fucking losing it dude. it was supposed to change when we moved. it was supposed to change
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incorrectbatfam · 4 months ago
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Does the Batmobile ever get ticketed or does the GCPD just ignore it
Bruce: *puts a box on the table*
Bruce: Gather around, everyone. It's time for our monthly ticket review.
Bruce: First up, Steph. Can you explain what happened last Friday?
[earlier]
Steph: *looking for parking in a full lot*
Steph: Screw it, I'm going around back.
Steph: *parks in front of a fire exit*
[present]
Steph: I just needed to use the bathroom.
Bruce: And in those three minutes, the Joker released a giant water balloon forcing everyone to evacuate through one less exit.
Steph: It said "fire exit." That technically wasn't a fire.
Bruce: Well, the penalty is $100 plus the towing cost. I can pay it off but you have to help Alfred in the kitchen for a month.
Steph: Yeah, that's fair.
Bruce: Next up... Cass and Barbara? Color me surprised.
Barbara: Oh yeah, I had to remotely pilot the Batmobile the other day because Cass needed a getaway.
Bruce: Then why am I being charged $250?
[earlier]
Cass: *fighting a gang*
Barbara: Orphan, ETA thirty seconds. Prepare for extraction.
Cass: *knocks out the last henchman and runs to the car*
Comm. Gordon: *writing a ticket*
Cass: ?
Comm. Gordon: You're in a disabled parking spot without a permit.
[present]
Barbara: Well I am disabled.
Bruce: Understandable. I'll let it slide since it's the first time. Just file the paperwork for a permit.
Bruce: Dick, you went thirty-five over the speed limit when you weren't pursuing a suspect. Explain.
[earlier]
Wally: Race you to Keystone?
Dick: *revs the engine*
[present]
Bruce: You're better than this. I'm disappointed. Next up: Tim. Driving without a license plate. What happened there?
[earlier]
Tim: I wasn't supposed to take the Batmobile since Bruce benched me for my wrist, but my other ride is in the shop.
Kon: What about cameras? Can't your dad tap into the city's surveillance system?
Bart: Traffic cameras read license plates, so if we take them off, no one will recognize us.
Kon: Now that's an idea.
[present]
Tim: That's on me. I shouldn't have listened to them.
Bruce: Put them back on, plus you're benched for another week. Damian, on to you.
Damian: What on Earth could I have done? I followed the speed limit, parked in the correct spots, and never so much as changed lanes on an empty road without signalling.
[earlier]
Damian, a middle schooler: *driving*
[present]
Damian: Tt.
Bruce: Don't do it again. Duke...
Duke: *cringes and remembers what he did*
[earlier]
Duke: *hooks the Batmobile to a freezer trailer*
Duke: *starts driving around with a megaphone*
Duke: Ice cream! Get your ice cream!
[present]
Bruce: Fantastic job. No complaints.
Jason, muttering: Teacher's pet.
Bruce: And finally, Jason.
Bruce: *empties the rest of the box*
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lokissweater · 3 months ago
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Hi!!! Hope your doing wonderfully 🫶I absolutely adore your work! And this is the first time in asking anything, but if you haven't yet can you do a shy guys x popular reader with a lil spice but no smut! I'd appreciate it 🥹 have a lovely day or night 🩷
YUUUMMYYY oh my goodness i spiced but i think i spiced too much and if i did i am SO SORRY IM JUST A FREAK!!! but i hope you enjoy this piece and thank you so much for sending in a request!! MWAHH <33
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∘˙○˚.• DON’T BE SHY ∘˙○˚.•
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{pairings (separate): shy satoru gojo, megumi fushiguro, & yuji itadori x popular f!reader}
summary: how the boys are pathetically down bad for favorable you <3
warnings: college!au, mentions of drinking, HELLAAA sexual mentions and theming mdni, no smut but girl damn near it, pining af, cursing, aged up characters, afab!reader, pet names, they want you BAD in each of their stories HEHEHE, mentions of alcohol.
word count: 5.3k
authors note: WHO WANTS MLB!MEGUMI BC I SURE FUCKING DO!! HES COMING NEXT MY LOVES but here’s a little something to keep you fed in the meantime <33 I HOPE YOU GUYS LOVE IT! ILY!
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∘˙○˚. SATORU GOJO ∘˙○˚.
satoru wasn’t by any means a loner in college.
he had his own cute little group of friends and his own cute little outings and his own cute little interactions with his classmates, his rank on the popularity scale running somewhere around the middle (something he can thank his gorgeous eyes and gorgeous face for), but never even coming close to where you were at, a place many tried to reach but never had the qualities that you did— your place being at the top.
but satoru was too shy for his own good. too timid as he watched your breathtaking magnificent self walk down the halls and right by him in between classes— surrounded by people, you barely even noticing him, but him already memorizing the exact scent of your perfume you chose to wear that day, watching with love struck eyes and sweaty palms as his sickingly sweet obsession over you only grew by the years.
you were an absolute goddess in his eyes. you could never hurt him or be mean to him even if you tried, and it was a little pathetic how much he liked you— his little boyish crush that only shrunk him down to the mere size of a lady bug, his increased bashfulness when you’re around only doing him more harm than good as it started to affect his studies and sleep schedule.
but that wasn’t your fault, oh absolutely not.
it was his. all his. he wanted to take the blame for everything. he doesn’t care what.
even when you accidentally bumped into him at a party one night because you were a little tipsy, him stumbling over and you apologizing profusely as his heart stopped upon realizing it was you. and even when you accidentally dropped your red solo cup on his favorite blue washed jeans later on, your alcoholic beverage leaving a patch of wet on his thigh that made you apologize profusely to him again, satoru shaking his head and telling you repeatedly that it was his fault. he was in your way. he should be sorry.
you could dump an entire twenty five ounce bottle of smirnoff on his head and he’d still tell you he was to blame. that’s how much he liked you.
so as you gently took his hand and tugged him to stand up, you leading him through the crowd, your fingers interlaced with his? satoru went into a fucking frenzy.
his cheeks burned as you led him up the stairs and to the nearest bathroom, your lovely skin tight dress squeezing and hugging you in every right way in front of him that he internally panicked as he felt his dick stretch against his jeans, him wanting to end it all as he hoped you didn’t notice it and think he was a pervert.
“oh my god i’m so sorry—” you pulled him in and shut the door behind you, silencing what seemed like twenty different people calling out to you, for your attention, satoru swooning over the way you paid them no mind in return and focused entirely on him.
he felt so lucky.
he awkwardly sat himself at the edge of the tub as you crouched down and rummaged through the cupboard below the sink, your lips in a cute pout.
“i always get so stupid when i’m buzzed and i totally didn’t see you when i was walking…”
your tone was whiny and apologetic, and satoru’s heart physically could not take it.
“it’s— it’s okay..” he mumbled shyly, cheeks pink. “it was me i—” he averted his gaze once you turned to look at him. “i wasn’t paying attention…”
“but are you okay though?” your voice was immensely sweet and doting, it almost sounding like you were babying him as you walked over to him with a damp hand towel.
and he was all fucking over it.
he stiffly nodded and looked down at his lap, throat closing.
“i put a stain remover on this so i at least don’t leave a red mark on your jeans!” you smiled, an enchanting one at that as your clear lip gloss glistened under the dim light. “and i’m really sorry again! i hope i didn’t ruin the party for you…”
his eyes shot up and he shook his head frantically. “n—no! you didn’t it’s okay!” he tugged at the collar of his button up, feeling a little hot. “y—you did nothing wrong...”
you gleamed, and as satoru reached a trembling hand up for the towel to clean himself off, you pulled it back with a cute shake of your head.
“i’m doing it, silly! i’m the one who spilled it.”
“but!—”
you got down on your knees in front of him and his hands literally slapped over the edges of the tub as he gripped it tightly, his knuckles turning pure white as you calmly spread his legs and inserted yourself in between, your face fucking hovering over his dick and his cheeks turning even pinker as lewd thoughts dashed across his sick mind.
you noticed the look on his face and laughed.
“are you nervous? don’t be! i’m just gonna clean you up and ill be out of your way love.”
satoru didn’t want you out of his way, not ever. and the way you called him love had him already picturing you in a pretty white dress with a veil walking down the aisle to him.
he swallowed.
you had your arms resting over his thighs for support as you rubbed a circular tugging motion over the spot on his jeans, your eyebrows pinched in concentration as you tried to get the red stain out, your soft hair slipping from your shoulders and landing over his lap with satoru’s fingers itching to touch it.
“at the last party i threw, i also spilled a drink on a guy.” you giggled.
he felt a twinge of bubbling jealousy.
“did you—” he nervously looked at you. “did you also… help him?”
you smiled cutely. “nope! because he was making out with someone in the middle of my kitchen and he was in my way.”
thank god.
you huffed and leaned back to sit on your calves. “like— have some decency. i get you want to have a little kiss but if you’re doing it right where the vodka mix is? blocking it? i’m not helping you. your girl can help you.”
satoru giggled a little, and you folded the towel neatly and settled it beside you, proud of your work at removing the stain from his pants as you set your hands on your hips.
“and what about you?”
“me?” he mumbled.
“mhm!” you raised a silly brow and leaned closer to him, satoru inching backwards nervously at the proximity. “have you ever made out with someone like that?”
“well— well—”
satoru’s never kissed anyone.
“well what?”
he ran a slow embarrassed hand through his fluffy white hair and grimaced.
satoru is timid, shy, friendly, and a dork. but one thing he isn’t? is a liar. especially if it was you— even though all he wanted to do in life was impress you and have you not think he was a fucking loser.
“i’ve never uh—” he struggled. “kissed… someone.”
his words were so quiet and mumbly, completely ashamed of himself as his cheeks continued to glow pink.
but your eyes widened.
“what? you’ve never kissed anyone?”
he shook his head, eyes to his lap.
“but you’re so hot?”
satoru shot up. “h—huh?”
“yeah!” you grinned. “you are! have you ever had a girlfriend?”
he shook his head again.
“what?! how?!”
you placed a shocked hand over your mouth, your voice soft and astonished. “what a crime…”
he smiled shyly at your compliments, reduced to absolute putty in your hands at the moment as he couldn’t believe you thought he was even remotely attractive.
you confidently swung your arms up and threw them around his neck, and he froze.
your eyes were really suggestive, your gorgeous face looking up at him and his wide eyes looking down at you, your fingers gently running across the back of his neck and hair as he almost whimpered at what you were doing.
“wanna kiss me?”
“y-you?” he choked out, and you giggled softly.
“uh huh! o—only if you’re okay with it—” you pulled away a little, shoulders deflating. “i just figured—”
satoru noticed the way you started to lean back, your arms slipping from around his shoulders and his hands shot out then— grabbing your wrists as he pulled you back in and settled them around him.
was this real? actually? or was he just really drunk?
“yes!” he settled down a bit, sheepish. “yes i—i’m okay with it.”
you took in his eager bashful expression, and grinned.
“okay!”
you leaned and kissed his soft lips, pulling satoru in as his fingers shakily snaked over your waist and around you, not believing for a second that he was actually kissing you.
and you moved your lips slowly and delicately over his, trying to pry his mouth open more with your tongue and guide him on how to kiss you back, him diverting all of his focus to that as he tried to mimic your movements.
it started with innocent pecks at first, you trying to ease him into it and not make it overwhelming for him as you carefully amped up the difficulty little by little.
and he got the hang of it, fast, and you squeaked a noise of surprise when he suddenly shoved his long tongue in your mouth and slid his hands further down to your ass, squeezing as if he had every right to, completely forgetting that he technically didn’t.
what a greedy little thing… but you loved it.
he instantly pulled back.
“sorry i’m sorry!” he sputtered, pulling his hands to his chest like he’d just touched something scalding hot. “i don’t know why i—”
you giggled. “it’s okay! i liked it.”
“y—you did?”
“uh huh!” you nodded, leaning in seductively. “maybe you should do it again… and maybe underneath my dress, to get a better feel y’know?”
satoru couldn’t even respond as you latched your lips back on his, and he kissed you back desperately, wanting to impress you and do good for you so he could properly earn the right to feel you up like you had requested.
but he got greedier, and his hands were back on your ass squeezing and palming the fat of it, breathing heavily through his nose as he started to tug your dress up a little to feel your skin, the lace of your panties grazing his fingertips and making him fucking light headed.
his body was literally numb as you pulled apart suddenly, both of your lips swollen and red.
“wanna go to my room?”
∘˙○˚. MEGUMI FUSHIGURO ∘˙○˚.
“if i can’t do it i’m turning the car around.”
“megs you cannot do that when we get there though!”
megumi shook his head. “and why not?”
“because you’ll scare every one away! what the hell is ‘with this treasure i summon—‘“
“yeah so that way everyone will think i’m a freak and leave me the fuck alone!”
you and megumi have been best friends since middle school, carbon copies of tweedle dee and tweedle dum as your personalities matched with each other’s so identically yet so differently at the same time, that you both bickered every waking second you were together.
which was all of the time.
though you had a better reputation than megumi did. you were popular, beautiful, and everyone wanted to get to know you as your unique personality struck joyous chords with anyone that was lucky enough to come across and get to know you.
all things megumi would never admit out loud to your face.
and he was just regular— popularity and social statuses something he didn’t give a shit about as he kept to himself and didn’t speak to a single soul unless it was yours.
“but i thought you said you wanted to come with me!” you whined.
megumi huffed and made a sharp turn as he drove. “you dragged me i told you no i don’t like parties and you started crying—”
“okay and?” you grumbled. “what so now i can’t cry in front of you? i can’t show my emotions and use my right of freedom of speech?—”
“oh my god.” he dragged an exasperated hand down his cheek. “you’re putting words into my mouth—”
“and you’re putting knives into my heart with how much you hate me.”
he parked on the side of the street and turned off the ignition, hooking his keys on one of his belt loops before he gave you an annoyed look.
“am i not in the car.”
“you are.”
“and am i not here at this party with you.”
“you are.”
“so what more do you want.”
“a kiss.”
“fuck off—” megumi pressed his hand flat on the side of your head and nudged you away before stepping out of the car with pink cheeks, your laughter ringing through the air as you shut the door and ran to catch up with him.
“just be nice please. my friends sometimes wanna talk to you and you look like you’re plotting.”
“maybe it’s because i don’t wanna talk to them.” he mumbled.
through his hard exterior, you knew megumi was just shy, and often times had difficulty talking to people or expressing himself— you really being the only exception in his life.
that’s why in every social situation that you dragged him to, he clung to you like sticky stubborn gum and never left your side— you of course not minding at all and it actually making you feel better to have him always there, your thing being interlocked pinkies as you navigated.
“no it’s because you’re shy and that’s okay!—”
megumi scoffed and kept walking, but the minute you both walked across the lawn and up the steps of the porch, he turned around and let you in front of him— his pinky out like usual.
you smiled softly to yourself and looped yours with his, pinkies closing like a lock before you pulled him inside.
it was dark and humid as fuck already, and you tried your best to politely push through the crowd of hammered and sweaty people in search for the kitchen, you not realizing how megumi literally pushed and shoved people behind you so they wouldn’t topple you over, them too inebriated to care.
“y/n!”
“hi guys!” you gushed, your crowd of friends beaming at the sight of you and handing you drinks without you even having to ask, you passing one back to megumi smoothly.
you both mostly spent the night mingling and drinking with your friends, playing little games and giggling quietly whenever someone would ask megumi a question and he would just stammer in response, blushing and grumpy at your teasing once he got the interaction over with.
and at some point, half of your friends had gone to the main area to dance, and you turned to him.
“megs.”
“yes.”
“do you wanna dance with me?”
“fuck no.”
“whyyyy!” you whined, dropping your forehead on his shoulder.
“because i don’t like dancing.”
“no one’s gonna notice anyways! it’s dark over there like completely.” you looked at him. “just come with me please.”
“no.”
“i’ll give you a kissy.”
megumi gave you a deadpanned look. “what is it with you wanting to give me a kiss?”
you ignored his comment. “i’ll do anything.”
“nope.”
“fine.” you stood up and tugged your dress down. “i’m just gonna ask some other guy and maybe when i tell him he’ll get a kiss out of it he’ll do it—”
megumi quickly grabbed your wrist, eyes narrowed.
“are you actually?”
“yes.”
his heart dropped.
“you’re gonna pimp yourself out for a dance?”
“yes! you know i love to dance—”
megumi stood and grabbed your hand, dragging you to the dance floor as you cheered and happily skipped behind him.
upon arriving, he remained stiff, bored, and fucking nervous with flushed cheeks and crossed arms while you danced, gently swaying and moving to the beat as bright neon laser lights occasionally drifted across the crowd— illuminating red cheeks and sweaty bodies.
it really was incredibly dark, and megumi could barely even see you standing in front of him as the bass of the music drummed through his body.
he let you when you reached up and uncrossed his arms— instead wrapping them around your waist as you threw your arms around his neck, him swallowing thickly.
“dance megs.” you spoke gently in his ear. “like this just sway—”
you moved your hips a little more, and though he didn’t exactly copy you, he stiffly just kind of swayed with you.
“i hate dancing.”
you laughed. “do you hate me?”
“no.”
far from it actually.
“then this should be fuunnn! just let loose a little.”
“i am letting loose.” he grumbled.
“you feel like a little stick though.”
“a stick?!”
you giggled loudly, throwing your head back as you did, the sight making megumi melt.
“yes! i’m gonna start break dancing if you don’t.”
he gave you an incredulous look. “huh? you’re not serious.”
“that i am.”
“y/n i’m moving with you i’m dancing—”
“but your arms are just around my waist! you’re not even moving with me what are you talking about?!”
“what are you talking about?!”
you huffed and stopped moving. “i’m gonna dance with someone else—”
you let go of him and turned but megumi only pulled you back.
“no you’re not and you’re not kissing them either so don’t even think about it—”
“you can’t tell me what to do—”
you pushed at his chest with both of your hands, trying to get him to let go of your waist— his strong grip not letting you.
“why are you being such a brat?!” he exclaimed.
you broke free and started walking.
“a brat that’s gonna dance with someone else!—”
megumi flew and grabbed your shoulders, spinning you back around before literally smashing his lips to yours, your eyes widening in complete shock.
there was your kiss.
he pulled away. “s—sorry i—”
you shook your head and grabbed his cheeks, bringing his lips back in to yours as they moved sloppily and fast, almost matching with the music as his arms engulfed around your waist and pulled you in.
you swiped your tongue over his and whimpered, you figuring he couldn’t hear it over the music but being dead wrong as he felt the blood rush to his dick the minute he heard it.
you pulled away. “what are— what are we doing?”
his chest heaved as he looked at you, cheeks pinky like always and eyes blown wide. “i don’t— i don’t know—”
you wiped your wet mouth with the back of your hand. “do you wanna— stop? i—”
you didn’t know why you were asking, knowing damn well you didn’t want to stop.
“fuck no.”
“okay—”
and his mouth was back on yours, kissing you and running his hands up and down over your body in absolute need, you doing the same as you ran your hands over his chest and down, down, down…
“can i—” you spoke in between kisses. “i’m gonna—”
megumi did it for you and pressed your hand flat against his groin, you palming him slowly as he took in a sharp inhale and broke from your lips, his arms coming up to wrap around your shoulders with his cheek mushed up against the side of your head, eyes screwed shut at how good it felt.
you continued to palm him through his jeans, going a little firmer when you felt his breath literally tremble in your ear as he shook.
“shit—” his arms tightened around you. “wait—” pant “i’m gonna cum in my pants if you keep—”
“do it.”
“no!” he choked and his hips pressed into your palm, wanting more. “let’s go— to the car. the car please—”
you nodded and pulled back, but stopped.
“megs if we do this we can’t go back, okay?” your chest heaved, a little fidgety. “we can’t— we can’t go back to being just friends i don’t wanna be just friends—”
he shook his head and looped his pinky with yours, leading you through the crowd and speaking over his shoulder.
“we won’t.” he started.
“i don’t wanna be just friends anymore either.”
∘˙○˚. YUJI ITADORI ∘˙○˚.
being good at math had its perks.
yuji was able to get by in every math related class, never had an issue with studying, and even tutored some of his friends and classmates as a side job to pay for his college classes and tuition.
but the minute you approached him one day— you, one of the most popular girls on campus, president of your sorority, life long crush and the most gorgeous girl he had ever seen, asking if he was able to tutor you on wednesdays?
being good at math became a blessing and a curse.
yuji thought he was well off at math… but if he was to tutor you, he wanted to be fucking albert einstein at it so he didn’t look like a fucking idiot if he happened to come across a topic he didn’t know how to teach.
and as he sat on his desk chair in his dorm, textbooks and materials laid out and ready to go as he wiped his clammy hands on his pants for the thousandth fucking time, he heard you softly knock on his door.
oh fuck.
“hi yuji!” you greeted sweetly, him smiling back at you as he stepped to the side to let you in.
“hey! were you able to find my building okay?”
you both walked over to his desk and sat down, you right next to him on an extra chair— your perfume engulfing his senses and your pretty hair over your shoulders neatly.
“oh no i was fine!” you got your little notebook out with your pencil case. “one of my friends is dorming in this building too so i knew where it was.”
he nodded happily and politely, shitting it inside but doing a damn fucking good job at not showing it— though the reddening of his cheeks was something he couldn’t control no matter how hard he tried.
since you could only see him once a week, the duration of the tutoring sessions was a lot longer than the rest of his clients, and though yuji literally offered to tutor you for free whenever you wanted, you profusely denied and mentally decided to pay him double for his kindness.
you nervously fiddled with your fingers as he opened the textbook and flipped through the chapters you needed help with, and upon noticing, he frowned.
“sorry is it hot in here? i could open—”
“no! it’s okay!” you shook your head. “sorry i just— i’m really bad at math so i’m sorry if you can’t get anything through my head…”
you giggled nervously, and yuji just about cried.
“oh! don’t worry about that! that’s why i’m here to help.”
he beamed, his smile so big and bright that you found yourself copying his exact expression.
he was so nice.
“right!”
and he did help. yuji was exceptional at teaching, and concepts you had found hard to grasp before during class by your own professor was easy peasy with him, his bubbly and animated way of teaching you something that pulled you in and kept you engaged.
after two hours of tutoring, yuji sat back on his desk chair and exhaled.
“phew, let’s take a break! is that fine?”
“mhm!” you chirped, putting your pencil down and smiling. “you’re really good at teaching yuji, like really good.”
“oh thanks!” he blushed, giving you a cute little smile. “i— i like math so i just, teach y’know..”
you nodded. “what’s your major? is it something to do with that?”
“oh no—” he shook his head. “i’m majoring in finance so i get a lot of math classes.”
“huh?!” you gasped, completely astonished. “i thought your major had something to do with teaching i’ve— i’ve never understood math before until you… you’re brilliant!”
he gulped, your praises washing over him and making him feel tingly all over.
yuji gave you a wobbly shy smile. “t—thank you y/n!”
you grinned kindly, your pretty face making him want to word vomit how gorgeous he thought you were and maybe even sort of ask you to be his wife.
“do you um— are you thirsty? i have—”
he shot up clumsily and walked over to his mini fridge. “i have water? here—”
he didn’t even let you respond as he took a bottle of cool water and handed it to you, you taking it gratefully.
“i— i also have these!”
he reached in again and gave you a little glazed donut pastry, wrapped neatly in a clear bag that had the bakery’s logo on the front.
“oh no yuji it’s okay!” your eyebrows pinched together in worry. “i don’t wanna take what’s yours just the water is fine!”
he shook his head and closed the fridge, sitting back down on the chair next to you. “it’s all good! it’s your reward for hanging on for two hours of tutoring.”
his smile was so kind and sweet, and you bit your bottom lip as you softly thanked him.
“how’s um— how’s your sorority going?” yuji asked.
“my sorority?” you tilted your head to the side. “how’d you know i’m in a sorority?”
“oh! well—” he went completely fucking pink. “s—sorry you’re kind of popular so i just heard..”
you hummed and quickly nodded. “no it’s okay! i didn’t know people were talking about me like that.”
you laughed a little, and yuji thought you were so humble.
“it’s going great! it’s really kind of you to ask.” you crossed your legs and leaned an elbow on your knee, your chin coming down to rest on the palm of your hand. “it’s a little stressful to manage but i love my girls so, they definitely make it easier.”
yuji lit up. “that’s great! i’m glad it’s going well… i— i know i don’t know much about sororities and things like that but i have no doubt in my mind that you’re the most qualified and deserving of a position like that…”
your eyes softened, and your heart literally ached in the best way over his compliment.
“thank you yuji… seriously. you’re so nice!”
you giggled, and it made him gnaw at the inside of his cheek.
the tutoring session continued after that, and just when you had reached your final hour, you slumped over his desk and groaned softly.
“i’m sorry yuji… my motivation is running out.”
he laughed softly. “it’s okay! it happens. if you want we can stop here—”
“no!” you shot up. “i have to get through it i’ll be so mad at myself if i don’t.”
he looked at you, his eyes gentle. “you’re doing really great so far y/n.”
you blushed, “thank you…”
you stood suddenly and reached over to flip through the pages of the textbook, completely unaware of the way your boobs were practically shoved up his face as his breath hitched, hands tightening on the arms of his desk chair.
you really hadn’t noticed, you innocently wanting to just look and see how many chapters you had left to cover, but when you sat back down and quirked an eyebrow over yuji’s flushed face and blown out pupils… it clicked.
was he interested in you like you were with him?
maybe…
“i need motivation.” you sighed.
he cleared his throat and tried to regain his composure. “i can— i can give you another donut at the end?”
you giggled. “it’s okay! i have an idea.”
he tilted his head, curious. “what is it?”
“maybe we can do like a reward system!”
“a reward system?”
“yeah!” you nodded eagerly. “for every page we cover, i get a reward!”
he sat up and smiled, “oh right! i’ll give you a donut after each page then!”
but you shook your head, and he deflated. “no?”
“do you know about hickeys?”
he choked, eyes widening dramatically. “a—about— well, yeah, i do.”
“maybe that could be my reward! a hickey for every page.”
you smiled at him so fucking cutely, as if you didn’t just ask him for something so raunchy, and his throat literally dried up at your request.
holy fucking shit.
“you want—” he wiped his hands on his pants. “you want a hickey from— from me? really?”
“yeah! only if you’re okay with it, definitely not if you’re not.”
“no i—” his eyes darted from your neck to your face. “i am…”
holy. fucking. shit.
your tutoring session resumed, and yuji literally could not teach you a single damn thing anymore, knowing that by the end of this page he was going to do something that only took place in his dreams.
after a bit, he turned the page and shifted his body to face you, nervous and clammy.
you smiled sweetly and took his hands, yours soft and heavenly as you placed his on your shoulders.
“only if you’re okay with it.” you murmured again softly, tone nurturing as your pretty eyes looked into his.
“i— i am.”
“okay! whenever you’re ready.”
yuji breathed in shakily and out, gulping before coming closer to your gorgeous neck and planting his lips on it.
your hands came to rest on his thighs as he sucked— slowly and carefully, not wanting to suck too hard and accidentally hurt you as his tongue flicked over the spot, the pressure of his mouth making you shudder as he continued to suck and create a pretty purple bruise.
he pulled away when he was finished with a wet smack, his breathing heavy as he searched your face for any indication that he did well.
and you glowed, looking at your reflection on the little mirror that sat on his desk. “it’s so pretty! i love it!”
a hesitant smile spread across his face. “r—really? you can be honest i—”
you looked at him. “no it was amazing! it felt really good!”
his dick twitched.
“okay let’s keep going now!”
well the motivation definitely worked, and funnily enough, you both got through the next page a lot quicker than before, yuji almost immediately turning to face you after turning the page.
this time, he placed his hands on your waist as he sucked. and he sucked, harder and wetter than before as his fingers pressed into you— his tongue running over your new hickey and dragging over the previous one too before reluctantly pulling back, his dick a literal bolder at this point as you squeezed your thighs together, both of your chests panting.
you had barely reached a quarter of the next page when yuji set his pencil down and turned, his cheeks flushed and eyes wide.
“can i please just give you another one?”
you nodded quickly, eagerly, as you both stood and he latched back onto your neck, his arms around your entire body desperately, grazing his teeth against your sensitive flesh and full on making out with it as he messily sucked and ran his lips all over your neck this time, a moan slipping from you as he did that it made you slap a hand over your mouth in embarrassment.
“s—sorry—”
“don’t be don’t be—” he breathed quickly, walking backwards until the back of his legs hit the bed and he sat, pulling you with him and grabbing at your thighs for you to sit on his lap.
you listened, your neck littered with yuji’s hickeys as you subconsciously and softly grinded on his crotch, him groaning into your neck and biting down harder as your breath hitched.
yuji lost it at this point, all forms of moral out the fucking window as he dragged his long wet tongue from the side of your neck and up to your cheek, kissing and licking deviously at it as his hands squeezed hungrily over your plushy thighs.
he pulled back, eyes half lidded.
“can i—” pant “can i give you hickeys on your tits?”
————————————————————————
taglist!! <33 (THANK YOU THANK YOU!):
@cupcaketeddybehr @soobiary @roachfun @waterfal-ling @saebaey @hiraethwa
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lilgynt · 2 years ago
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common thick hair dub started pulling chunks of hair out can’t even tell where
#personal#it was at the front of my head too like damn bitch. my hairline.#my mom said she’s sending dad to a home bc we obviously can’t do it#and i was like oh for sure if that’s best but don’t do that bc of me pulling hair#i’ve been self harming since ten cmon this is pretty normal#she was like 🤨 okay#i drafted this and then not kidding my dad#okay so first hair pull came bc my dad requested the rest room at like 11:40#which like fair you gotta piss you gotta piss#walk him down with the walker but he got turned around and disoriented in the bathroom#god im so awful he’s not eating to stop using the bathroom to stop bothering us then i’m crying at 3 am walking him there#anyway so he’s like where am i and im like the bathroom and he’s like i don’t need to use the bathroom my bad#walk him back - he’s like take me to the bathroom#and we’re like?? do you need to go?#and he’s like no i just want to know the path for myself#and he won’t let my mom get five steps away she’s severly sleep deprived and tells him no#you’re going to bed i’m going to bed grahams goign to bed and they’re fighting#dads like i’m gonna leave to find someone outside to help me#moms grabbing my arm and walking away and dads right there and then i’m screaming at them#cause i understand both my dads so anxious and scared and my mom is so exhausted#anyway yelling works everyone stops fighting blah blah mom goes to bed dad does too#five minutes later hear my dad in the living room clattering around and walk in to him holding the tv up and it’s FALLING#so i run over pick it up and my fucking god#we were talking earlier how he thought the tv was a door bc of the light#and he was trying to? get out? go to the rest room? i don’t know#either way walk him to the bathroom and back#cry go to bed cover my ears when i hear him clap for help again at 3 am then get up and help him#mom scared the shit out of me i was setting up the water for my dad and crying and my mom just APPEARED in the shadows#i feel so bad she saw that bc i closed her door and left mine open so she could sleep!!!!!!#she’s sleeping on the couch with him rn i should wake her up and let her go to bed but i dont want to i dont want to i dont how she does it
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rbfclassy · 5 months ago
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AFTER HOURS! — NANAMI KENTO
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thinking about nanami coming home late at night after a long day at work. You're fast asleep in bed, tucked under the covers while he takes a shower. You wake up to the sound of the water running, tired eyes taking notice of the bathroom light peaking out from under the doorway and your husbands watch on the nightstand. Not even five minutes pass by and nanami walks out the bathroom with nothing but his boxers on, damp hair framing his chiseled face as the towel hangs around his neck. You can't help but stare, eyeing him like a piece of candy, toned muscles reflecting from the bathroom light.
"Sorry sweetheart, did I wake you?" He asks with a soft voice, switching off the bathroom light. You swear you could feel yourself drooling over the man in front of you, so glad that you get to call him your husband.
"Darling, my eyes are up here," he chuckles.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry, no, I'm fine." You stumble over your words. Nanami has a smug smirk on his face as he crawls into bed, hovering you before planting a kiss to your plush lips.
"Cat got your tongue?" He questions, pecking your lips.
"Maybe," you playfully say. "But you wanna know something weird?" You suddenly bring up. He hums in response, peppering your neck with delicate kisses.
"I think I just started ovulating, like, right now," you say in a sarcastic tone.
"Oh, yeah?" He smirks down at you. "That is weird. I wonder what could've caused it..."
"I know, right!? What a coincidence!" You shake your head in disbelief, scoffing. "Definitely had nothing to do with you walking out of the bathroom with practically nothing on and wet hair."
"Oh, definitely not!" He chuckles, causing you to giggle. His hands sneakily make their way to your shorts, pulling at the waistband.
"Yeah, no, of course not!" You shake your head with furrowed brows. "But," you plant a kiss on his lips as his hand continue to pull down your shorts, "in no way am I complaining."
"Me neither, darling. I'm gonna enjoy tonight."
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