#and A LOT of it feels stolen from me
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I think it's interesting how absolutely amazing it was to watch Yuri on Ice while it aired but then that I have not watched it since. There are just series that make such an impression on you that you don't rewatch it?
#{domino talks}#i'm on my lunch break and saw someone have it on their most rewatched list#i watched ep 1 of the dub but then the paywall struck#i don't think it will ever be as amazing as it was when it aired#all the excitement after every episode#me pacing because my roommate was running late after class#me literally running to work and taking advantage of the 5 minutes late rule#it's one of my core memories#i want to reexperience that again#i should rewatch it regardless anyway#*adds more to 'let's rewatch this amd ignores the actual watch list*#✌️✌️✌️✌️ excellent#usually the nostalgic feelings make me sad because i cannot get it back#and A LOT of it feels stolen from me#but i think this time it is going to fuel me#i also really need to reread bsd because i feel like i didn't retain much#i read it in like 2 days and then as it updates which isn't weekly#so i have even more time to forget (*・~・*)#i don't care about how fast/slow it updates btw
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ghost who was chemically castrated by roba and soap who wants to help him to regain his sexual autonomy
nsfw, angst, roba, unnegotiated unsafe but consensual gun play, hopeful ending
💀🧼
ghost walks like it hangs low.
there’s a tilt to his hips and a spread in his thighs and johnny’s never been able to stop staring.
and ghost’s never asked him to.
he knows he’s seen him; he’s not exactly discreet. he swears he’s even seen him cock his hips out before to give him a better view. but he always pulls back just as they toe the line; verbal cold water on the tentative heat they almost can’t help but spark when they’re together.
it’s never a no; johnny’s not so selfish of a cunt that he’d push when he knows he isn’t welcome. it’s always a reluctance; an “i wish i could,” never in so many words. an open ended “but…” as ghost circles the reason without ever actually saying it. johnny knows it’s something personal, something more than a difference in rank could ever excuse.
so he backs off when ghost does, jokes instead of flirts and holds his breath through the agonising wait until ghost lets him in close again. waits to know if he’ll let him close again.
it’s almost anticlimactic, the end of their dance; his delicate steps and looping logic to work out why bulldozed as ghost comes out and says one random night, “i can’t fuck.”
it’s not bitter. it doesn’t grate coming out of his throat; he doesn’t spit it like it’s something to be ashamed, not twisted with insecurity as if it’s an accusation by an ex.
it’s a statement of fact.
“you can’t fuck,” johnny echoes anyway because even if it is the reason, the big why… it still doesn’t really answer anything.
“i can’t get it up,” he elaborates, this horrid blankness in his eyes like he’s reading from a script. “whatever you’re looking for, whatever you want- i can’t give it to you.”
johnny just looks at him, the chill air prickling his skin. “right,” he nods calmly. “because my interest in you starts and ends with your dick.”
that blank calm shatters. “johnny…” he warns.
“do you really think i’m that shallow?” he cuts in, curing himself for the way his voice breaks but he never thought ghost would think so low of him; that this whole time, ghost’s thought that’s the only thing he wants from him. “like i’d take you for a ride ‘n just drop you?”
“there’s a difference between not gettin’ it for one night and never gettin’ it at all,” ghost growls, turning his back on him to lean against the edge of the roof. his shoulders heave and the anger seeps from him in one long breath. “it’s not a hitch, johnny. not a performance issue or ptsd or whatever the fuck you’re thinkin’. it’s permanent. irreversible.”
irreversible.
johnny stops, cold creeping up his limbs and dousing his defensive anger. ghost is many things and when it comes to his words, chief amongst them all is deliberate. he didn’t say it’s unfixable. incurable.
irreversible.
johnny buries his selfish hurt and scuffs his boots, an unobtrusive warning of movement, and comes up beside him; just enough distance between them to catch their breaths. he leans back against the ledge and looks over the opposite side of the roof at the dark sky.
“mexico,” he murmurs. not an accusation. not even really a question but ghost collapses in on himself anyway; sinking into his crossed arms digging into the ledge.
“mexico,” he agrees just as quietly. “‘pparently, roba found it more entertaining to let me keep it but- cut the cords. more demeaning that way; cock’s gone, at least you don’t feel the urge. don’t have to look at the fuckin’ thing hang there when nothin’ fuckin’ works.
“it’s not ‘bout how i see you, johnny,” ghost promises and it’s almost apologetic. “but you like sex. eventually, you’ll want it. and i can’t give it to you. easier to just… not let it get to that point.”
johnny’s jaw flexes. everything in him wants to reject it, wants to protest that something as trivial as an orgasm is more important to him than ghost.
but he also knows words are useless here.
they stand there looking out into the gathering dark, tense silence hanging between them, and the only thing johnny knows is if he isn’t careful, he could lose the one person he cares about most.
💀🧼
ghost’s been uneasy since his abrupt confession.
he knows it was sudden, borderline cruel to dump his shit on johnny with no warning but he just couldn’t take it anymore; couldn’t take the back and forth when he knew it would never go anywhere, couldn’t take johnny’s hope when he knew he’d have to watch it twist into disgust and pity.
into disappointment.
he figures that’s the end of it; there’ll be no more flirting now, no more staring or heated looks, no more teasing him by spreading his knees out just to see the flash of hunger in his eyes. the control he felt playing with johnny knowing it was welcome, just because he could- he’ll never feel that again. not now that johnny knows the truth.
then he steps into his room to find johnny laying naked on his bed.
he’s not spread out like an offering, not throwing him some cheap sultry glance as he plays with himself. he’s not even hard; his cock limp over the cradle of his balls, his legs bent loosely together, arms under his head as if he’s settling down for the night.
ghost sighs and shuts the door behind him. “johnny…”
“i know,” johnny says and it’s gentle; not cutting him off, just getting his attention. “just… hear me out?”
there’s nothing else to say. there’s nothing johnny can say or do to fix his violated body. but ghost still crosses his arms and leans back against the door like he can anyway.
johnny pushes himself up and off the bed, closing the distance between them but still giving him enough space to breathe; to open the door behind him, to escape.
“i can never know what was taken from you,” he starts and ghost’s fingers dig into his arms. “i can never know what it means to you. and i can never get it back.”
he doesn’t break eye contact and slowly lowers himself to his knees. “but i can give you something else.”
“you?” ghost guesses flatly and as much as it warms his blood, as much as he’s imagined having johnny look up at him just like this… it’s still not enough to offset the sickening swoop in his gut when his cock doesn’t so much as twitch.
“i’m a nice bonus,” johnny purrs but his smile remains gentle. “but i’m not the main event.”
he lifts a hand and ghost readies to smack it away when he reaches for his thigh holster instead of his belt. he flicks the closing strap open and pulls his handgun, his favourite, free.
“you told me you can’t fuck,” he murmurs, popping out the clip. he taps it against the side and loads it back in with a practiced hit with the butt of his palm. “but fucking isn’t all there is.”
“johnny, what…” ghost starts just to cut himself off as johnny thumbs off the safety and loads a round into the chamber.
“you trust me?” johnny asks and it’s as loaded as the gun in his hand.
good then, that ghost knows the answer. “always have.”
johnny’s smile blooms with warmth, with pride, and it chases away any reluctance he could possibly feel. he lets him take his hands in his, wrapping them around the gun with his finger on the trigger guard. he brings the barrel up beside his temple, holding it steady before his hands fall away.
until it’s only ghost between him and a bullet.
johnny’s hands go to his belt, his movements slow enough for ghost to stop him long before he reaches his cock, forever hanging limp in his pants. but he just rubs the muzzle along his temple, almost nuzzling him with the gun as he pulls down his jeans and boxers.
he waits for johnny to take him in hand, maybe try and pantomime a handy, and his hips almost recoil at the thought.
but he doesn’t try to touch him.
instead, he takes his wrist and guides the gun to sit in front of his cock; angling it to follow the same slight curve he has then holds his hands behind his back like he’s standing at attention. he splays his knees wide, sinking deeper and ghost sucks in a harsh breath as johnny ducks under the gun; his eyes locked on his as he curls his tongue under the barrel and brings it into his mouth.
it takes every ounce of will he has to not let his hand shake around the gun as johnny gives it the slowest, messiest blowjob he’s ever seen; slowly rising higher on his knees, guiding the gun up with him as if it’s his cock hardening. his cheeks hollow as he sucks, tongue laving up the barrel and flicking out to play with the muzzle like a cockhead, moaning with every bob of his head until saliva drips off the metal and makes a mess of his chin.
ghost’s never felt so powerful as he does watching johnny hang off the end of his gun; watching his cock harden and drool between his legs without a single touch, knowing he could pull the trigger at any time and johnny would not only let him but he’d thank him.
the thought breaks him from his paralysis, drawing the gun from his lips and johnny immediately stills; rolling his wide eyes up like he’s trying to check on him. ghost pushes every ounce of heat into his gaze and cocks the gun to the side, slowly pushing it back in until johnny’s lips meet the trigger guard.
johnny whines as he fucks his mouth, thrusting his hips along with each long drag like the gun is an extension of his body; almost too rough as tears prick his eyes and his lips redden and bruise but he never asks him to stop; his cock leaking a puddle on the floor beneath him.
“you gonna cum for me, johnny?” ghost croons, holding back a groan when just his voice is enough to make him shiver. “gonna cum with my fucking gun down your throat?”
he gives a broken whimper, as close to an agreement as he can make, and ghost crowds in close. he grips the base of his mohawk, wrenching his head back until his throat is flush to the front of his thigh. johnny lets out a choked cry, eyes rolling back and he doesn’t hold back as he brutally fucks his face; feeling the bulge of his gun in his throat against his leg.
“come on, johnny; you wanna be my good little holster?” he growls and makes sure he’s watching as his finger moves from the guard to the trigger. “then take my fucking load.”
he forces the gun as deep as he can and johnny gags, his shaking body locking up as he cums untouched; painting the floor and ghost’s boot, cock twitching and pulsing hard enough to bump against his belly and leave a string of cum threading from it to his cock.
ghost watches him spasm and moan, his throat convulsing around the gun and a heated knot of satisfaction tightens in his gut; so close to the memory of an orgasm, he’s almost dizzy with it.
johnny slumps forward, his hands slipping from behind his back, and ghost quickly flicks the safety back on and drops to his knees. he slides the gun away and pulls johnny forward to collapse into his chest, taking his weight off his knees; his whole body trembling with aftershocks.
“you’re crazy, johnny,” ghost whispers, awed, and feels him smile against his chest.
“aye,” he agrees, voice raspy from his gun scraping up his throat. “how else am i supposed to prove that i mean it?”
ghost tries not to tense up; tries not to let hope sink its cruel roots into his chest. “mean it?”
johnny pulls back, his cheeks still flushed and sticky with spilled tears. “i’m yours, ghost; in any and every way you’ll have me,” he promises. “sex or no sex. this can never happen again and i’ll still never stop wanting you. it doesn’t matter to me as much as you do. you’re everythin’ to me, ghost. not your body; not what you can give me. just you.”
a knot crowds in his throat. “and you needed to deep throat my pistol to prove that?” he deflects.
and just like always, johnny lets him. “worked, didn’t it?” he winks. “you fucked my brains out.”
ghost rolls his eyes to hide the softness he knows is flooding them and helps johnny up and gets him into his shower; cleaning him of the sweat and cum and spit covering his body.
that ghost covered his body in.
his chest hitches at the reminder as he strips himself down to a single layer and all but falls into bed, tugging johnny in after him when he hesitates just slightly at the edge of the bed; splaying his still naked body over him, sated and loose.
“i really do mean it,” johnny whispers into the crook of his neck sometime later; when their breaths have settled and synced.
ghost sweeps his fingers up and down the length of his spine, skin he’s never seen. skin he now knows every inch of. “i know you do,” he whispers back.
and for once, he thinks it might be enough.
#hello i am once again thinking about erectile dysfunction#as i am wont to do#and how such a major loss of identity and control can seriously mess you up#thats very much the theme of this one#as much as its obviously about gunplay and how hot that is its also about regaining that control over yourself#ghost was imasculated and violated#its not really about sex and soap knows that; its about retaking what was stolen from him#the power that ghost feels is hugely important to his journey to healing#and they almost definitely arent going about it the best way but hey if it works it works#also just a little thing#but both of them nonverbally setting the boundary of soaps hands being behind his back meaning the scene is going actually makes me melt#the second soaps hands come forward not only do they both take it as the end of the scene but ghost takes it as soap not being present#enough to continue#hes slipped deep enough into subspace or hes exhausted enough that he cant hold position which means the scene is over#i love them so goddamn much#anyway i have a lot of issues with control being taken for me and why else does ghost exist if not for me to project my issues onto him!#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#ghostsoap#soapghost#ghoap#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#soap cod#john soap mactavish#cod mw2#cod fic
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dont normally post about drama but this seems relevant:
im seeing a lot of people jump to "james somerton was never good anyways" in retaliation for the hbomb expose, but there's a really fine line to tread there before you get into stepping on the toes of the people he stole from, you know?
some of his videos and analysis did seem genuinely intelligent, thoughtful, insightful, and well-written. yeah, it turns out those are the result of him stealing from other people. but that doesnt mean the original writers WEREN'T intelligent, thoughtful, insightful and good writers. he had plenty of garbage opinions interspersed throughout, but the reason many people (myself included) were suckered in by him is that the queer creators he stole from DID have really important and interesting analysis. the parts of his videos that were good were stolen, but by discounting his essays entirely we're throwing the baby out with the bathwater and insisting those he stole from didn't have anything important to say.
the parts he himself supplied were trash, but he stole the work of some genuinely brilliant and insightful writers and passed it off as his own- and that writing still exists and is still brilliant and insightful; we just know now who was actually responsible for it and who to thank for that work
lets just be careful when we smugly proclaim that we always hated everything he had to say- because a lot of the words we're discounting were never his to begin with, and the last thing those authors need is to have their work trash talked because it ended up in the mouth of someone dishonest
#james somerton#hbomberguy#im just saying like#i liked a lot of points he made in his videos because it turns out he was never the one who made those points#now i can go seek out the original authors and Actually read the work that intrigued me in the first place#they DO deserve credit for their writing!#saying everything he ever made was garbage and nothing he said was worthwhile is such a disservice to those authors#they DID do really brilliant work#and then it was stolen and passed off as his#but their work still stands on its own merits- even more so now that i know#that much of the stuff i Disagreed with was his own opinions or tweaks and that the original work#is not bogged down with his bullshit#and can read it as originally intended#i think admitting that the writers he stole from Are really genuinely good writers and that the opinions he stole from them ARE compelling#is the least we can do to ensure that the authors don't feel like their work is irrevocably taken and tainted
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For the character ask meme:
Marvel vs Capom Megaman!
Technically that would just be Classic Mega Man, so we'll go with him!
Send Me a Character
And I will tell you my:
First impression I know who Mega Man was and that there were different ones (I just wasn't sure how or if they were necessarily connected at first, so I drew him and Hub interchangeably but confusedly). I think Rock is cute, but his design was too simple for my tastes.
Something about Smash's additional details clicked so well to me. (MM11 is still not quite there for some reason, so I don't use it.)
Impression now I've always had an interest in robot characters, and after learning more about him, I was somehow able to explore so much with that concept and just Mega Man's character in general. Unsurprisingly, working with him reminded me a lot of Astro Boy and the situations he faces with the innocent mindset of a child and the body of a robot, just not as heavy (I won't talk about the Archie Comics, I stopped following after a while for reasons).
The thing about working with child characters is that they aren't always going to act like older characters, in their words and their emotional responses. On top of that, drawing them is particular too-- their faces, the things they do with their hands, etc.
It leaves a lot to think about, but the thoughts are very welcomed. Kinda like a "put yourself in their shoes" sorta exercise.
So besides the fact that I grew to really love the Mega Man series, with its fun characters and robot designs, I really appreciate the "pureness" of Rock's character. I know he's also a hero with a strong sense of justice, but in the end he's also just a child. A robot child.
Even when compared to the other Mega Mans, Rock is the simplest, purest form of the non-human. His "humanness", while present, differs from X and his complexities despite them both being totally mechanical. Hence why I chose that word "pure".
Though Rock may appear simple, it turns out it's with much meaning. At least to me it does. I have no idea if these words make sense.
Favorite moment This is a Smash thing, but watching the lights of Mega Man's eyes during his fighter reveal is always gonna be so cool.
Idea for a story I made two (ancient) comics that touch on the uncomfortable dynamic between Rock and Dark Pit. I never really clarified it, because I'm still not sure, but Dark Pit's harsh attitude toward Rock were meant to cover for something else.
It's been so long, I don't know if I'll ever return to it. But there's definitely a lot of loose ends I've still left flying around. (Y'know... Like the one with Beck.)
Unpopular opinion I don't really like Rock's MM7/MM8-type proportions. He looks way too tall and way too lanky.
Favorite relationship *Coughs loudly in Captain N*
Favorite headcanon The little depictions that remind you Rock is originally (and still is) a helper robot are very sweet to see.
#wow looking back at my comics from that time makes me feel nostalgic#but also darn I used to write so much (I feel so bad that I haven't done things that nice of a size since)#like I want to but ahhh my energy is stolen by my work...#for real though I really did put all my energy into those megaman comics#well at least I have a lot of them on paper than none at all :)#Asks#Ask Mew#rubyrosevalentine#megaman#rockman#I don't really think there's any way for me to interestingly talk about rock solely in the topic of mvc#so yeah we'll talk about him in general (it's for the character after all)
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So there was a post a while back about Ben Solo always being told "don't do (x), that's how uncle luke lost his hand" when he was a kid - and I raise you: Elrond and Elros being told "don't do (x), that's how Maedhros lost his hand"??
Like, at Amon Ereb when the twins were newly acquired and refusing to eat their vegetables and Maglor is Mag-mothering them until Erestor, feral half-sane clinically depressed anarchist Avari hostage/patient/infiltrator and Certified Little Shit, hits em with:
"I would listen to the Lord Maglor, winyamor, he well knows the dangers that come to young elflings who don't eat enough vegetables - after all, that's how his brother lost his hand."
Elrond looks conflicted. Elros squints suspiciously. "Truly?"
Erestor, practically comatose since the massacre but ultimately saved from Fading by the biological compulsion to fuck with you, lays a hand over his heart. "I would never lie about such a thing! Just what do you take me for? This is a true tale and a grave warning - the Lord Maedhros' hand was tragically lost in the days of his youth, whilst he was still growing as you are. He refused to eat his vegetables and so, cruelly deprived of the strength it needed to grow strong, his body started to fall apart! First his fingers, then his thumb, and then his palm and wrist - all turned blue and dropped off!"
"No!" Elrond gasps. Elros looks both terrified and impressed. Maglor's face is scrunched up into something that the twins probably interpret as pained - at reminder of the horrors of limbs falling off! - but is actually just him busting a rib trying not to laugh.
"Yes!" Erestor cries with relish. "And it never grew back. All because he didn't eat his vegetables. Isn't that right, Lord Maedhros?"
Maedhros, a looming terror at the head of the table, scarred and solemn and impenetrable as his fortresses, narrows his eyes consideringly at the unfolding shenanigans and the rascal behind it. His conclusion? Fuck it. He gives a slow, solemn nod. Completely deadpan and exaggeratedly formal, because it may have been centuries since he last had his brothers smothering laughter at political dinners but the Finwëan sense of humour, once caught, is not an ailment easily cured.
Maglor conceals his wheezes behind his goblet as Erestor nods sagely to the wide-eyed twins, who suddenly seem a sight more interested in their vegetables.
#it helps that maedhros also has a metric fuck ton of scars so he can make up so much shit#know how i lost my eye? didnt go to bed on time and it shrivelled up#why do i have to wear a shoulder brace sometimes? didn't practice my letters and the bones all fell apart#where'd my fingernails go? didnt wash my hands before eating and they ran away#why is my back all stripy with criss-cross lines? didnt use my cutlery and they attacked me#why are some of my teeth metal? cause i didnt clean em properly for two minutes with mint ointment and i accidentally ate them in my sleep#whys there grey bits in my hair? didnt bathe after running around in the woods and the cobwebs got stuck and never came out#what happened to my ears? ducked underneath a horse and it spooked and bit them off so never ever do that again elros its very dangerous ok#i dont care your ears are smaller because youre peredhel elros the horse will get you#whys my hair so short? didnt comb it so it was stolen by orcs now hand me the brush and get over here elrond your head's a birdnest#for all that the kid's questions sometimes make maedhros a lil uncomfortable its actually really healing for him#sure sauron whipped him until his spine broke but now he uses those marks to get his kids to eat with cutlery like civilised people#and he cut his hair in a depressive spiral after fingon died but his kids think it was so tangled the orcs stole it to make scruffy orc wig#and his shoulders fucked from hanging on thangondrim for decades but if you kids dont sit down and do your lessons then so help me -#his beloved fingon always kissed his scars when he was allowed but it was witty irreverent half insane erestor who helped him laugh at them#i kind of ship it in a 'secret third thing' kinda way u feel me? not sex not friends but they bring a lot out of eachother its weird#erestor#maedhros#kidnap fam#elrond and elros#maglor#there is a fic that goes with this who wants it
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I just got a bit more time in my schedule and I'm hoping to get started on a Sayers-and-Jews reading list, if anyone has any suggestions! I just really feel like I've never seen anyone talk about how WEIRD the apparent received wisdom is of "Sayers was in a relationship with a completely secular Jew who tried to convince her to have premarital sex she was religiously uncomfortable with, which NATURALLY made her start writing about Jews, but a totally different kind of basically fetishized ultra-conservative type than Cournos was." There are clearly missing links there- not an obvious or intuitive connection at all- and I have my own ideas of what they are and am so curious if it's already been written about.
#dorothy l sayers#lord peter wimsey#whose body#i think the main connecting factor is religious conservatism#and sayers displaying a kind of christian philosemitism that is genuinely fascinating#an idealization of jews as an almost purer throwback#backward and benighted (bc no jesus) but also in some ways uncorrupted by “modernity” for some reason#in terms of how she'd get it from cournos#he DID have some interesting ideas about jews and christians#(wrote an article about how jews should be more into jesus)#but my guess is that the christian philosemitism came first#and the connective tissue is her encountering a jew who didn't fit that kind of odd religious ideal of them#and then deciding to construct a bunch that do#idk#it's the only thing that makes sense to me#that scene in busman's honeymoon where peter asks the repo man what he thinks of christian home life and the repo man says “not much”...#imo that says a LOT#i should say that it can't be overstated how almost fetishistic and full of artistic license her portrayal of jews is#the jews she knew irl were largely secular so where did she get this nonsense#she has to have known that jews didn't do ARRANGED MARRIAGES FROM BIRTH like she depicts in piscatorial face of the stolen stomach#so like something is going on#to be clear#and this is part of what's weird#i don't mean “conservative” or “traditional” in a religious sense in the way that old fashioned caricatures often use#but instead conservative morally#which is if anything weirder and just makes it feel even more like sayers is juxtaposing some idealized morality and conservatism onto jews
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i've been dead and gone bc of school and jobsearching and everything happening all at once but ive been playing the boktai series games lately and i'm enjoying it a lot. I just got past the third boss in boktai 2. I don't know why but i'm enthralled with these games, i highly recommend them
#WOE TEN THOUSAND TAG MUSINGS BE UPON YE (this is a warning)#boktai#(pointing) the battle network fan has fallen for the crossover marketing 20 years late#the first gif is bc i imagine the bosses waiting all polite like for django to finish eating healing items when heal scumming in fights.#twenty apples a day keeps the damage away#django is like a son to me hes just a little guy#if the text is hard to read in the third image it says “The tick damage in sunlight brothers”#i find it funny that vampire django still gains his energy from sunlight after turning. his voiceline changes too#it's hard to tell if it's bc hes supposed to sound gruff or like hes in pain. but it makes me feel bad for recharging energy like that#i figure he'd be wound up abt this since it seems he views any connection to his father with a lot of weight#(e.x: zazie pointing out he's crying just after the gun del sol got stolen at the start of 2)#hence why he's depressed in that image#also all the official art of him looks very cool but im incapable of seeing him like that his sprite makes him look like a scruffy dog#im torn between thinking it's cute nd wanting to make fun of him with doodles. least typical vampire appearance with the most typical power#the way you kill immortals (vampires) in this game is so metal i need to rant abt it Somewhere#so like boktai is a game series abt vampire hunting but it's rather sci-fi abt it. instead of more typical weapons you use solar energy#the immortals resurrect after being killed#but this can be prevented via purification. the way this goes is#after winning a bossfight the enemy will get sealed in a coffin. that you then to drag allll the way back outside the dungeon#(often with new puzzles thanks to the coffin being an extra weight)#all the while the immortal inside tries to escape#the objective is to get the immortal to a. summoning circle i guess?#housing devices called pile drivers. they're more like lenses or mirrors though.#they focus sunrays on the coffin purifying the immortal after a brief fight that's like#preventing the boss from attacking the pile drivers until it dies#like. this doesn't sound all that special but most bosses you fight are sentient and i just think it's a bit of a brutal method#for a main protagonist to use#i keep thinking of how it must feel to do it for a living. something like a funeral driver but you're the murderer and the corpse isn't dea#and instead of a funeral you're taking them to a mega death laser array that'll slowly chip away at their health#and then boktai 2 inflicts that on django and im like. is he ok (he's ok but he died)
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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X-Cops Theory: Tulpas, an Alternate Explanation for Ghosts and Spooks
The idea that the ghosts of loved ones could be corrupted tulpa thought forms, created merely by remembering them, is horrifying:
And, for fun: what is the Stargate Project this analogue horror video mentions? I'll let Wikipedia explain:
The Stargate Project was a secret U.S. Army unit established in 1977 at Fort Meade, Maryland, by the Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA) and SRI International (a California contractor) to investigate the potential for psychic phenomena in military and domestic intelligence applications. The project, and its precursors and sister projects, originally went by various code names – 'Gondola Wish', 'Stargate', 'Grill Flame', 'Center Lane', 'Project CF', 'Sun Streak', and 'Scanate' – until 1991 when they were consolidated and rechristened as the "Stargate Project".
The Stargate Project's work primarily involved remote viewing, the purported ability to psychically "see" events, sites, or information from a great distance. The project was overseen until 1987 by Lt. Frederick Holmes "Skip" Atwater (born 1947), an aide and "psychic headhunter" to Maj. Gen. Albert Stubblebine, and later president of the Monroe Institute. The unit was small scale, comprising about 15 to 20 individuals, and was run out of "an old, leaky wooden barracks".
The Stargate Project was terminated and declassified in 1995 after a CIA report concluded that it was never useful in any intelligence operation. Information provided by the program was vague and included irrelevant and erroneous data, and there were suspicions of inter-judge reliability.
(**Note**: Highly recommend this podcast; but the audio peeks several times in this episode (error.) I'd recommend picking any episode from the tags I included and starting from there.)
#txf#history#life#xf meta#YouTube#this was a fun vid btw#Creep Cast looks into online horror stories#some creepypastas and the genres that bloomed after#and some are SO good.#Left Right is more horror-fantasy#Pen Pal is written from a man looking back on his childhood and feels very Stand By Me (but with stalker vibes) and it's moving/terrifying#Stolen Tongues is Native American spirit monsters#My Wife Won't Stop Peaking drops off at the end but the contents before are HAUNTING#Borrasca-- very x-files mytharc with its twist at the end (horrifying). The author got scooped by Mike Flanagan for his Netflix series#Feed the Pig is short and sweet and so jarringly descriptive#and a lot of these writers (r/no sleep) have gone on to publish their work!
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#thinking of dinosaurs and troodontids were my favorite dinosaurs as a child#when younger i had a real full troodontid tooth fossil that meant a lot to me#for a time we lived within a few kilometers of hadrosaur sites and troodontid sites#while wider general area had many sites of recovery for the big celebrities like tyrannosaur and multiple dromaeosaurs#at that time troodontids were kinda infamous for i think the depiction in some childrens field guides and dino books#which depicted like a fantasy speculative humanoid troodontid based on 1980s model at Canadian Museum of Nature in ottawa#anyway would visit a small local paleo center a lot and woman in her 70s or 80s ran the counter of their center and rock shop#one day she asked me what my fave dino was and i said troodon so she pulled out the tooth and just gifted it to me#in little black case size of ring box with padding and transparent plastic viewing cover kinda like laminate for displaying a trading card#tooth got stolen from out my vehicle while giving some people a ride while at university before i got too poor for tuition#later during first year of pandemic owner of my storage unit died and new property owners threw away everything i ever owned#i was homeless anyway lost job due to early pandemic closures and had to allocate any money to insulin and other prescrip meds#but wouldve found a way to save my things if the new owners had contacted me#they threw out photoalbums y backpacking gear y books y musical instruments y clothes y artwork y camera y all family keepsakes#and all childhood treasures like souvenirs and gifts and school awards and writing portfolios and all the little memories#which i was always sentimental about as child#from earliest age my room looked like a natural history museum with plants and maps and library of field guides#and rocks and field trip keepsakes and all kinds of little animal figurines and mother had painted room in forest greens and browns#to feel like a forest and among the succulent plants and a globe sat the troodon tooth#parents passed when i was a child#never near any family and were always moving never got to settle into proper stable place then father passed after long sad illness#and mother put in so much effort but she passed few years later and i could not take care of myself or my remaining material possessions#and so im still quite hurt having nothing whatsoever remaining of my childhood or school friends or mother or life generally#and when trying to process grief my thoughts often come back to the troodontid tooth as a focal point a distillation of what was lost#even when young i knew it was advised not to become too connected to material physical possessions#but still there are some small little trinkets in our lives that seem to hold so much meaning and i tortured myself for losing that tooth#thinking about troodon reminds me of childhood
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FEARNE AND DORIAN GIVING THEIR RESPECTIVE PERSONS OF INTEREST "SEE YOU LATER NOT GOODBYE" KISSES ON THE FOREHEAD INSTEAD OF KISSES KISSES WILL SHATTER ME
#silver sending stones#cr 3 e 50#im emotional but like cause idk whats gonna happen and thats my least favorite feeling#dorian and fearne having parallels?#i must think on it#prisoners of their parents making?#intentional or not#stolen years whether they be physical years or years of youth#love that suddenly feels so right and so natural that they might want the other physically but just picking a pocket or strumming a tune is#enough#from a place lots of people might feel is special or magical only to have this wonderous place be “home”#whatever feeling that might be#secret royalty#right? fearnes real dad is like a devil king or some shit?#i really only know dorym stuff sorry#idk i think theyre more alike that i previously thought about#good parallel#makes me... soft#dorian storm#fearne calloway#cr 3
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Right off the bean, this is not a callout post. I'd talk to the person this is about 1-on-1, but a) he's had me blocked for 4 years, and b) it's mutual. This is me venting on my personal blog, something that he decided to vague about me doing back when I had my first blog.
With that out of the way. I'm really fucking tired of people stealing from Valenth/Revecroir, and from its creator.
Years and years ago, when they were a literal child, my bff/queer life partner--for the purpose of this post, their name is Leupai--made lizard-critters with hands on their tongues and called them leupaks. Eventually, they ended up splitting off from Subeta where they worked at the time, making an affiliated petsite called Valenth where the leupaks featured quite prominently as creatures in a fantasy-meets-steampunk world.
Unfortunately, their boss was a piece of work, and following a rather large kerfluffle involving another petsite lifting other elements of my partner's work (namely, a dragon concept and a companion concept), my partner was fired by the Subeta head boss. The leupaks were renamed into leupai, and Valenth expanded into Revecroir. This was in 2014, give or take a few months.
Through about half of the Valenth era and into the Revecroir era, Leupai was dating someone else, who went by Sixar at the time, later Kismeti, and the two had a long-distance open relationship. Kismeti also did a fair amount of site art for Valenth, and described himself as Leupai's biggest fan; when he'd met Leupai originally, his username referenced leupaks, he had a bunch of leupak characters, and a leupak sona. I met both of them in 2013-2014, right around the close of Valenth, and started chatting with them both. Leupai was more responsive, Kismeti was more reserved, but I did the best I could.
Over the years, I kept trying to reach out to Kismeti, but found that Leupai was honestly more willing to talk with me, so I did become better friends with them. Note that I was friends with Leupai, and trying to be friends with Kismeti. We chatted, we sent memes, we played World of Warcraft, I bought folks pizza across the Pacific Ocean, you know the drill.
Through this, I became really familiar with Leupai's world, at that point named Revecroir. I got to know their lore, their worldbuilding, their current projects, and the leupai creatures themselves.
The leupai were--and are!--still fat lizards with paws on their tongues, who can open portals between worlds with acid in their claws, who transfer their consciousnesses to other bodies if one is destroyed, and whose strength comes from the realm of dreams and creativity. In the early days, in lore that wasn't publicized, leupai were roaming around to find a world to live on after Valenth. This was a project that was supposed to be worked on with Kismeti, but nothing really ever came of it. Eventually, Leupai kind of moved on from that storyline to write more about Revecroir itself.
At the same time, I tried asking Kismeti about his worldbuilding, because he had characters and allegedly a world of his own, but didn't really get a lot in the way of answers. I saw a lot of Sonic fanart, I saw a lot of homestuck, I saw a lot of MLP:FiM, I saw a lot of Captain Planet. Eventually, I kind of... Gave up asking? And that's on me, but frankly, if you ask someone to share their stuff and they don't share their stuff, I figure that's the signal to stop asking.
As time went on, though, I was seeing some cracks forming in the 10-year relationship between the two, and I was helping Leupai through a lot. I watched as he yelled at my best friend for not responding to messages fast enough. I watched as he made plans with Leupai and then fucked off to do other things for hours, leaving Leupai in the lurch and worried about his physical safety. I watched as he gaslit Leupai about their ability to use a computer. On one memorable instance, when Leupai's internet was unstable while we were all playing WoW together, Leupai left the voice call to go reset the router, and Kismeti decided that it was a great time to shit-talk Leupai's intelligence to me. For a half hour straight. Until Leupai rejoined the call.
Eventually, I visited Leupai in person and watched as they were broken down to tears by Kismeti failing to respect their boundaries for literal hours, until Leupai caved to Kismeti's preferences. That was a rough night, and I remember wondering why the fuck my best friend's partner was treating them so badly.
About a month and a half after I visited Leupai, they decided to break up with Kismeti, because they'd had enough of him verbally berating them for not responding fast enough to memes sent over instant message, among so many other things. He, to put it mildly, lost his shit.
(For the record, I know what went down, because Leupai had me read the messages sent back and forth, to make sure they were grounded, and were reading things right. I've seen logs going back 10 years. His original vague accused me of not knowing what I was talking about, but boy howdy I was either there, or have read the raw logs.)
Anyway, he begged for Leupai back. Leupai gave him a chance that he fucked up within a day. Leupai said goodbye and blocked him. He then started messaging me about this on discord, clearly trying to use me as a go-between to get to Leupai.
At the time, I was going through some Complex Feelings about my own abuse by various people in my life, triggered by his behavior, so was reblogging a lot of support stuff on my original blog. I guess he decided this was vaguing about him, because he made a vaguepost accusing me of not knowing all the details (unbeknownst to him, I'd read everything) and finally blocked me.
I figured this chapter in my life was done at this point, and moved the fuck on. Made a new blog because I didn't feel like getting all his shit off my old one, moved across the country, got a new job, the whole shebang. Leupai and I entered our odd QPP/partners/bffs/???? phase, and I genuinely didn't think much about him, unless I was helping listen to Leupai talk about stuff they'd gone through with him.
Until this year. When I saw some comment of his break containment and end up on my dash, under the name "riftclaw". I had a bit of an inkling, so I broke my "don't look" rule and looked at the linked toyhouse to confirm it was really him.
Turns out, riftclaws are... Lizard creatures. Who open portals between worlds with acid in their claws. Who are looking for a new world to call their own. And who have some divine properties, that may involve body switching.
And all of Kismeti/riftclaw's old leupai characters are now riftclaws.
Oh, and he was planning to make them into a closed species. To make money off them.
Now, leupai were decently popular back in the day. I still have leupai characters, and make some periodically from time to time. There's a tag on tumblr and everything; if you're reading this, there's a decent chance you remember Vee yourself, as a fair number of my followers were there too. People still talk about Valenth from time to time. Leupai still has a folder of old fanart from back in the day with some 800 pieces of art in it. They were, by all accounts, successful until they weren't.
But the height of popularity was back when Vee was still around, in the late 2000s and early 2010s. The only new stuff in the tags is from an archive blog of old Vee assets.
Despite that, though. And I know this from messages between the pair, I know that Kismeti tore into Leupai repeatedly for "being more popular" and "having more eyes on their work". Even though "those eyes" didn't keep Leupai fed or housed, or really give them any income. Even though "those eyes" meant getting 50 notes on a tumblr post as opposed to 20. Even though "those eyes" just increased thievery and the constant pressure to be a Content Creator(tm), and were a major part of what drove Leupai off the internet entirely starting in 2018.
So imagine. Imagine for a moment. Being so hungry for clout and attention. That you steal your ex-partner's species concept that they've had since they were literally 8 years old, barely file off the serial numbers, and then make that your entire online persona four full years after your partner broke up with your ass twice for being an abusive piece of shit over a 10-year timeframe.
To borrow my own tags from this post, which got me thinking about all of this again?
#This is all to say; if you're jealous of someone else's success? Fine. Go have your emotion. But don't lift their shit.#Your emotions are valid; your actions aren't.
(Oh, and this is the smallest thing in the world, the least important piece of this? Riftclaws are already a thing from a game released in 2016 called Grim Dawn.)
#phoenix sounds#leupai#leupak#Valenth#Revecroir#I have a lot of feelings and a lot of emotions and a lot of frustration#Leupai's had their shit stolen three times now#Once when they were a kid; once by another petsite#And now once by their ex#Which is just... Honestly? I guess they've got an original idea because everyone else seems to be cribbing it#This is why the Revecroir setting's forever private now though#Leupai got run off the internet by this kind of thing (and much worse) and they're staying gone now#And this whole hbomberguy vid thing about plagiarism is just making me think about... How many people this impacts#How many artists have had their shit lifted and stolen by someone and how crushing that is#How many people that disenfranchises and removes from communities#I can attest that Revecroir is flourishing but it will *never* be seen again by outside eyes because of the repeated thefts#How many more things are like that I wonder? How many people stop making all together because of this sort of thing?#Ties into the sssniperwolf shit from a few months ago where she was freebooting stuff from much smaller creators and claiming it was hers#In her case we do know that there were small creators who stopped making after she stole their shit for millions of views on youtube#So it's not like this is some victimless crime#Anyway I think the constant searching for clout/visibility/reach/whatever the term de jour is?#Has made everything unfathomably worse in terms of theft and plagiarism#And to confront the latter we have to remove the former
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...
#im back from a week with my dad at home and at the lake#it was really nice to b home for a while but now im a mess lol#bc it really makes me wanna move back to Appalachia and not do another semester out here#and also this was our 1st trip to the lake without my mom being there. she loved the lake. she grew up on the water and was named after an#island. she died before she could use our new jetski. which my dad bought for her and she would have loved#and i stood in her sandles bc my dad keeps them out by the fireplace and my toes fit almost exactly into the impressions of her feet#and i came come with another bag full of her clothes. and i feel bad for my dad being all alone in that big house#i mean hes got the dogs but theyre 7 and 8 and theyre big boys so they probably dont have all that long left. itll be so sad when they die.#there was a moment where i was talking to the dogs and he said i sounded exactly like my mom. which was kinda intentional#on my part bc i say a lot of things bc she would say them. stolen phrases and intonations. pieces of things ive taken.#its still weird that she's just gone forever. the time in the hospital feels like it was some horrible nightmare.#and now shes never gonna kno where we end up. she's left rooms full of half tumbled rocks and half sorted photos and half organized#classroom supplies. the outlines of a person that will slowly be stitched out of existance as time moves on until theres nothing left and#the memories are gone. its just sad is all. especially bc she didnt deserve it. no one does but expecally not her.#but unfortunately life isnt about getting what you deserve. its chaos and coincidence all the way down.#unrelated
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And by the way just to add some like...angst to my sea beast s/i I guess 😂 I was thinking about the research I did into old selkie folk tales and how they typically tend to go and how it applies to my s/i with Batterbie stealing her coat.
1. She did it when she was still just a child and had lost her whole family, so she probably holds that over her head by saying she's lucky to have had a place to stay and food to eat at ALL and 2. That she could have it...a LOT worse 😬
#jane journals#self insert talk#🌊 how deep is your love? 🌊#idk ive done a lot of research into selkie mythology and their folklore#among their traits is apparently being particularly alluring! must be that seal charm 😂#but because of that their coats tend to be stolen by hopeful suitors to prevent them from returning to the sea#essentially FORCING them into a marriage they...probably dont want#and the whole time they have an INTENSE yearning for the sea#so batterbie forces my s/i into indentured servitude and shes bored out of her MIND#could be worse right 😂#idk if thatd like...have an effect on her tho. at the risk of getting a bit too dark i have experience with these types of mother figures :/#theres a really mixed feeling that comes with it#i wonder if my s/i would have any kind of fear of other people or at least of intimacy in any real way#i mean she lives on a 'bad people' island so shes definitely not some shy demure figure#shes like...rapunzel but a little more jaded 😂 which is why it means SO MUCH to her when jacob gets her coat back for her#and DOESNT use it as a way to make her indebted to him somehow#he does it to make HER happy#and in turn she tries to GIVE it to him as a show of trust now that she has the freedom to do so 🥺🥺🥺#idkkkk im rambling now#just on me mind tho
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🙄🫠
#yk when i said i'm back to being active on tumblr well yeah 😅#i had to write a seminar paper for uni and it hasn't been going well because i got sick and didn't get much done#well i got an extension luckily but it still was a struggle the topic was just rly difficult to write about#i'm almost done now at least some 300 words i still have to write and then proofread and work on better formulating but yay#i should get it done today but yeah i'll manage so i'll be back when i'm done the latest tmrw#but seminar papers are for real my least favorite part of uni 😅 it's so time consuming and can be a real struggle ugh#i rather write an exam lmao#but anyway i needed to rant ://#my money got stolen 🙃😫#sometimes life just throws some shit at you ugh#like having to write this paper and not having a social life anymore isn't enougj#i don't know how it happened? i mean i don't know for sure but i can't explain it another way#like the money was in my wallet the day before yesterday and yesterday the whole day i didn't use my wallet qnd then it was gone??#maybe while i was at uni football but that's crazy it was not some public place but in a school gym lockerroom??#or maybe someone stole it from my backpack on the street idk?? but i didn't notice#but that was money i got for my birthday from my dad and aunts 😪#and i wanted to buy something nice with it and ig i will anyway but it sucks :((#it was not a little no i had 150€ in my wallet 😭 at least my credit cards are still there ig#but i realize now how stupid that probably was to carry so much money with but i thought it was safe fr#like i have lived in austria all my life and this never happened to me 😫 and it was not like i was walking around with my wallet openly#i mean i will be fine it would be a lot worse if that happened to someone who is just barely getting by but i'm still upset#and my mom told me that apparently it happened to a friend of her as well when she was in my city but like i never heard that before...#from any of my friends ... or maybe it really is that more dangerous with thieves in my uni city but like i wasn't aware#bc i mean in general austria is like a very safe country comparatively and feels like it never was on my mind#maybe it's horrible bad luck but in the future I will be careful to carry any cash with me 🙃
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Behold, my latest and most enamouring new obsession:
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Malina, Lady of the Chief of the Northern Water Tribe. As if Red Lotus child OCs weren’t niche enough
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#lok malina#still feel like that’s too vague of a tag but I can’t come up with anything better for now#and yeah. she has completely stolen by heart and I don’t know how to feel about that#don’t think I ever was this attracted to my own art before#to be fair the design isn’t mine. it’s very heavily based on something nina drew back in 2021#because I did not have the energy or creativity to come up with my own thing#but the art is all mine and I genuinely adore it. super proud of myself which is a rare occurrence#anyways. kat and I spent three days digging this niche lower and lower and now have a he#*hell of a lot of lore about this basically nonexistent character#for lore about a lady from the North Pole a lot of it is rather hot… to the point my cheeks are burning non stop#I would say I’d let her do anything she wants to me but in my very specific aroace-adjacent case it’s more like#I’d let her tell me to do anything she wants to her#if that makes any sense and I have not completely lost my goddamn mind yet#okay. enough yapping. back to the art itself#lazy background because I suck at those and am not currently attempting to learn them. I’ll probably do that over the summer#about time anyway. my characters have been placed against an off-white background for far. far too long#this is the first piece in just over a year that isn’t tagged with sotrl. which is kinda weird tbh#I’ve been drawing my OCs almost exclusively for nearly 5 years so it is genuinely surprise I’m branching out#*surprising#less branching out and more diving from one hole into another but y’know#anyway. in my personal and very correct opinion she turned out absolutely gorgeous#her servants are way too lucky and unalaq is way too much of an idiot. no offence to vaatu but he could never beat out this#and I also have Kat’s personal and very correct opinion to back up my own. two against the void. once again we’re winning#I wanna draw her a lot more bc she has completely possessed my brain. I just wish character interactions were easier to draw 😭#I’ll figure it out. just need to fight my visualisation issues for a proper idea. brb#okay I’m almost at the tag limit so. in summary:#she 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵
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