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#but unfortunately life isnt about getting what you deserve. its chaos and coincidence all the way down.
opens-up-4-nobody
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2 months
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#im back from a week with my dad at home and at the lake
#it was really nice to b home for a while but now im a mess lol
#bc it really makes me wanna move back to Appalachia and not do another semester out here
#and also this was our 1st trip to the lake without my mom being there. she loved the lake. she grew up on the water and was named after an
#island. she died before she could use our new jetski. which my dad bought for her and she would have loved
#and i stood in her sandles bc my dad keeps them out by the fireplace and my toes fit almost exactly into the impressions of her feet
#and i came come with another bag full of her clothes. and i feel bad for my dad being all alone in that big house
#i mean hes got the dogs but theyre 7 and 8 and theyre big boys so they probably dont have all that long left. itll be so sad when they die.
#there was a moment where i was talking to the dogs and he said i sounded exactly like my mom. which was kinda intentional
#on my part bc i say a lot of things bc she would say them. stolen phrases and intonations. pieces of things ive taken.
#its still weird that she's just gone forever. the time in the hospital feels like it was some horrible nightmare.
#and now shes never gonna kno where we end up. she's left rooms full of half tumbled rocks and half sorted photos and half organized
#classroom supplies. the outlines of a person that will slowly be stitched out of existance as time moves on until theres nothing left and
#the memories are gone. its just sad is all. especially bc she didnt deserve it. no one does but expecally not her.
#but unfortunately life isnt about getting what you deserve. its chaos and coincidence all the way down.
#unrelated
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