#and 'hate' is not something everyone defines in the same way nor is it really enforceable

[utilitycaster]

I feel this should be an absolute no brainer but if people are posting about a main player character death and you didn't like that character - and I have, to be clear, been there - you should maybe make your own post and not be a dick in the tags of theirs

[bonaesperanza]

Another thing I liked is how Laurent's trauma is handled, because usually when a character has a Secretly Traumatic Backstory there's some kind of annoyingly maudlin scene about it. Either they get into some kind of big conflict with the love interest and are forced to explain themselves so they don't get judged or dumped, or the love interest intrudes on a vulnerable moment and sees them being abused or somehow handling the consequences of that abuse, or they are explained the circumstances by a benevolent third party, and this changes their view of the abused character because now they're god's poorest meow meow and I just fucking hate it every time.

Like, this is why I stopped reading this type of story: because the amount of crowding and backing into a corner and privacy violation that happens to abused characters in order to coax them into opening up about it and reassure them that they're okay is so annoying. I feel like I've been psychologyposting on main too much lately, so I might explain later why I feel this way or I might not but in any case I hate it.

I love that this book is the literal opposite of that, that Damen not only doesn't crowd Laurent and insist that he open up, but that Damen ensuring space and privacy and time to calm down for Laurent when he's overwhelmed is repeatedly portrayed as an act of friendship and caring and love (that Laurent later reciprocates, because they both lose their heads when something pushes their buttons and understand this about each other).

I also love how Damen doesn't fall in love with Laurent because Laurent is sad and fucked up, or because he's so brave to have put up with the abuse, or because Damen too is sad like Laurent (I'm physically restraining myself from going off on a rant about how shared trauma is hardly ever a good foundation for a relationship): no, he falls in love with Laurent because he's whip-smart, and a good leader, and funny, and tender once he opens up, and a lateral thinker, and a man of integrity who keeps his promises and pays back his debts (and because he's pretty and blonde and good at sporty shit that Damen likes). Some of these things may have been shaped by the awful shit that happened to Laurent, as they were also probably shaped by his station or his education or his body type or any other circumstance of his life, but it's refreshing to have a character who went through awful shit but who also has other things going on for him that make him loveable instead of being completely defined by his trauma. And even when Damen finds out, the way he thinks about Laurent literally doesn't change at all - the things he likes about Laurent are still seen in the same light as always, Laurent's personality as a whole is still the same, even his attitude towards what Laurent did to him when they first met doesn't change much (as we see in the short story epilogue). And even this last bit is really cool because Laurent is never stripped of his agency or made out into some sort of helpless victim currently, both of which would probably mortify him with how much he's trying to establish that he's not at any opportunity.

And I also like how it's not necessary for Laurent to tell Damen about it in order for them to be close, nor does Damen push him into it. And everyone else seems to agree that it's Laurent's story to tell when and how he wants it told, except for the villain of the piece, who reveals it in the most awful way possible. This is particularly important because Damen spends three books grabbing everyone in Laurent's life by the shoulders and shaking them and going, "Why do you care about this guy??? Have you noticed that he's kind of an ashole?? Why are you loyal to him?? Why???" and no one ever says anything, because they're protective of Laurent and don't want to take away his agency or privacy because it's his fucking story to tell. Even after Damen finds out, we don't see him mention it and he probably lets Laurent open up or not on his own terms, as he does with everything else that doesn't directly concern him. Even though we've seen through Laurent's dialogue time and time again that he's probably conceptualizing it in some fucked up ways in his own head and needs yet to realize that he's not some kind of twisted pervert for what happened to him, crowding him about it before he's ready won't accomplish much.

And the story itself backs all this by never being maudlin about it even though it's obvious what happened pretty early on (I figured it out really early, I remember suspecting it almost immediately and being dead sure of it by the Ancel scene in the garden); it kind of elipses around it, gives hints and parallels to other characters in similar circumstances, has Laurent say incoherent shit that makes sense in context, has other characters hint at it, but with Laurent being one of the central characters it's cool that the story gives him that respect and doesn't wallow in the tragedy of it all.

[sitp-recs]

hiii liv!! any soft eighth year recs??

I read nice things and I’m just craving some soft drarry :)

thank you hope youre doing well

Hi anon! Ahh I adore Nice Things, such a healing fic and a perfect read for the holiday season ❤️ here are some soft 8th year fics for you:

Thermodynamic Equilibrium by @dorthyanndrarry (T, 5k)

Harry's far too hot. Draco's always cold. And somehow against all odds, together they create a perfect equilibrium.

What Country, Friends, Is This? by khalulu (M, 8k)

When Harry and Draco are paired up for a nebulous “capstone project” in 8th year, Draco suggests they use it as an opportunity to take a free Grand Tour of Europe.

warmest part of the winter by warmfoothills (T, 11k)

It’s not even a balcony, it’s just a window with a bit of a ledge, and Draco’s read Shakespeare anyway, he knows how this one ends.

Said and Unsaid (or, The Value of Knowing When to Stop Talking) by bryoneybrynn (T, 15k)

When the Interrogator asked if he had anything to say on his own behalf, Draco shook his head, his lips pressed tight in a thin line. There was nothing to say that wouldn’t sound like an excuse.

On Our Way by evils (E, 30k)

Draco is trying to spend the summer keeping his head down, but a repair project and a certain snowy owl have other plans for him.

All Things Go by @sorrybutblog (E, 33k)

Draco’s back at Hogwarts by court order. Harry’s back for no particular reason at all. Some things change, some stay the same.

Like Lightning at Your Fingertips by potterwatch (T, 43k)

The problem with living with another insomniac is, eventually, they find out you’re one, too.

The July Tree by @oknowkiss (E, 51k)

Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail… nor well-meaning friends, nor questionable communication skills, nor seven years of hating each other’s guts can keep Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy from falling in love.

The Promise of Summer by Omi_Ohmy (M, 66k)

How was Harry supposed to know that coming back for eighth year would be so confusing? Everything is the same, and yet not the same. And nowhere is this more obvious than with Draco Malfoy.

Azoth by @lol-zeitgeistic (E, 88k)

Now that Harry is back at Hogwarts with Hermione for eighth year, he realises that something’s missing from his life, and it either has to do with Ron, his boggart, Snape, or Malfoy. Furthermore, what, exactly, does it mean when one’s life is defined by the desire to simultaneously impress and annoy a portrait? Harry has no idea; he’s too busy trying not to be in love with Malfoy to care.

Helix by Saras_Girl (E, 92k)

Seven months after the end of the war, Harry is feeling lost. Fortunately, he is about to be offered an unexpected and sparkling chance to find himself again.

Far From The Tree by aideomai (E, 112k)

The arrival of Harry Potter’s children—snapped back in time, the children themselves guessed, twenty or so years—was the most interesting thing to happen at Hogwarts for years.

Written on the Heart by who_la_hoop (E, 113k)

Unnerved by the attention he’s attracting from everyone – the Slytherins are the least of it, to be fair – and struggling with a raft of changes to Hogwarts itself, Harry wishes he could be happy that one constant remains: Draco Malfoy really fucking hates him.

where all the veins meet by @saxamophone (E, 146k)

It's the summer of 1998. The battle is over, and Voldemort is dead, but Harry still has more questions than answers. Who is he without a piece of Voldemort's soul in his head? What is he supposed to do now?

Bonus: a smutty Christmas treat 🎅🏼

The Romantic Prawn Who Loved Christmas by bixgirl1 (E, 39k)

When Draco, forced into sharing a room with Potter for the year, finds out that Potter has a sleepwalking problem, he expects the odd conversations and the weird games of chess.

[ageofevermore]

ITS BRIGHTER NOW

SUMMARY — until you met your girls, you once believed love would be burning red, but it turns out, it’s everything in between, and that couldn’t be more golden. i wanna be defined by the things that i love, not the things i hate, not the things that i’m afraid of, not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night, i just think that you are what you love

PROMPTS — “sorry, we didn’t mean to wake you” & “will you stay with me?”

WARNINGS — mentions of battle, injury, anxiety, overall just fluff and comfort for arguably the best avengers and their girlfriend

Like every relationship, yours has its ups and downs. Although most times, you’re met with nothing but outstanding partners who try their absolute hardest to maintain open communication and boundaries, they’re still human, and Avengers, and while some consider that a fairytale circumstance, not many stop to think about how challenging it can be at its worst moments. Not many people, or any at all who aren’t in the lifestyle or one similar, think about how they’re gone for days at a time, sometimes weeks or months if it’s an undercover mission, and how when they finally do get back, they’re never the same as how they left. But honestly, how could they be? They’ve done things no average citizen would ever be expected to do, seen things and handled situations that are dangerous and traumatizing, and just like anyone else, those things haunt them. Wanda is better about unpacking those skeletons in her closet then Natasha is, but the both of them take things personally, and if things go south, it’s never good.

Both of your girlfriends had been gone from the compound for days. They’d been called out to an active Hydra base in Russia, and three days later, things had gone south and they’d been in active combat since. You didn’t talk to them much, with battles and timezones and everything else that got in your way, but you had heard through the grapevine that Wanda was pretty banged up and Natasha had been left with no choice but to shoot to kill after a particularly gruesome fight. Hearing that never got any easier, especially when they were halfway across the world and had no idea when they’d return. It was missions like these that made you yearn for a simpler life. One where Wanda was an artist, Natasha probably took up something flexible like tattooing, and you did literally anything else to just have some peace and quiet and promised safety.

You had met Natasha first, after Maria recruited you to join Shield. She had been skeptical of you, as she was of everyone, but you broke down her walls as easily as you’d picked the lock to Clint’s farm the one time you were placed on a strike mission together. She had been hurt pretty badly, and his farm was the closest place to land. That had been an interesting day, no thanks to your girlfriend who was draped across your arm with a shallow bullet wound and a startled Laura who was screeching about blood on her new couch. Things with Clint were still chaotic as ever, but he eventually got over you busting his brand new lock, and the two of you joked about it now, although now you had a key so no locks had to be busted in the event of an unplanned visit happening again. When you met Wanda, she fell into your dynamic easily, and at first, neither you nor Natasha had realized that you’d kind of adopted her as a third girlfriend until a drunken night when she ended up in your bed and never left. Now, sleeping without them is hard, but you’re forced to manage as best as you can, seeing as you don't really have much of a choice.

It was going onto the sixth night without them home when you finally retired from the couch, and decided to head to bed, figuring that at two in the morning there was no chance of them coming back until the next morning at the earliest. It was hard enough when one of them was on an active mission with no return date, but when both of them were gone, it truly felt like your heart was missing from your chest and you were just going through the motions and holding your breath until they got back. Most people only had one person to worry about, but having two people to lose, with jobs in this line of work, you felt like you were always looking over your shoulder and expecting the worst. As often as they could, your girlfriends declined missions together, even though they felt comfortable on the battlefield together and it was a comfort to not be alone, but neither one of them wanted to risk not coming home to you. They didn’t have a choice this time, so reluctantly they packed up their duffles and headed for the quinjet, with a kiss on your head and a promise that they would fight to come home to you, that they would try to make it back. There were still two mugs of tea on the countertop in the mini kitchen, and although it was disgusting and the tea had gone bad, you couldn’t bring yourself to clean them up. If that was the last thing they ever touched with you, when they were just Wanda and Natasha and not Avengers, you wanted the picture of mismatched mugs burned into your eyelids for the rest of your life. They deserved to be remembered as real, genuine, soft and stubborn, sometimes infuriating but lovable and loved people, not just heroes who had a cause when things went south.

You tossed and turned for probably an hour, groaning in annoyance for how empty your bed felt without them. How had you gotten so attached? That was the one thing you’d tried your hardest not to do when you got into this, and yet here you are, in Natasha’s t-shirt and Wanda’s panties, unable to sleep because the bed feels too cold and the walls feel too big and the room feels too empty and your heart feels misplaced. You’d heard somebody say love is golden once, not burning red, and you’d never understood that until a moment like this a few years ago, when Natasha left for the first time and you were utterly alone in the tower. They were golden, they were light, they were pouring rain in the middle of the day with the sun shining and not a cloud in sight, and they are the best moments of your life that you wish you could frame in a moving picture, because no, a picture can’t say a million words when it’s them. You need every word in the dictionary and then some. You will never be able to elaborate on how much you love them without falling short, and feeling like there's still so much you could’ve said. Everything felt so gray without them. It had to be after three in the morning when you finally fell asleep, probably closer to four, but you didn’t think about how long you’d been waiting up for them, just flopped onto your back and sprawled out like a starfish, and let sleep take over so you could have a few hours without consciously missing them. Missing them was the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do.

You’re pulled from your sleep by hushed voices and a door closing, convinced that the hinges are louder at inappropriate times just to spite you. You try to ignore it at first, finally in a comfortable position and getting some rest after a long day of running trials with Cho, but the noises persist despite your displeasure. A sound between a groan and a whine is extracted from your chest when something bumps into the bed, and any thought of going back to sleep leaves your mind. Unlike your girlfriends who can sleep through a natural disaster and fall asleep again if god forbid it wakes them up, once your eyes open you’re awake for the day, and it seems like this is where your day starts.

Although with blurred vision from the very few hours of sleep in your eyes, you’re able make out Wanda hunched over the bed, grasping at her side that is noticeably bloody, while Natasha is digging through the drawers to your left probably attempting to find a loose fitting top for Wanda to change into. All exhaustion leaves your body at the sight of them, and you spring up, rubbing your eyes with a wince as they burn in disagreement with your current state of consciousness. Wanda’s head snaps up, on high alert, but she forces her shoulders to relax when she realizes that it’s just you and not a threat.

“Sorry, we didn’t want to wake you.” She apologizes weakly, through clenched teeth and apparent sleepiness. You wonder when the last time they got a decent amount of rest, when they weren’t looking over their shoulders in paranoia or tossing and turning in pain from an injury that couldn’t be properly treated, but you force yourself to not dwell on it too much. You can’t change the past, and neither can they, all that matters is how they recover, and how they need you to help them heal from everything they were exposed to while in Russia. You’re the clean up, another factor that nobody considers while talking about how romantic and protected you must feel having two superheroes as partners. If anything, you feel more exposed. Like all eyes are on you and a monster is always lurking in the room over.

“No, no that’s okay. I only went to sleep a few hours ago, anyway. Here.” You know that the shirt Natasha is probably looking for is the one currently on your body, and you offer it to Wanda with no hesitation, already making a b-line for her when she just barely has the strength to reach for it herself. You pull the bloodied top over her head gently, thankful that the blood it’s soaked with is dry, and her wound is covered in gauze, meaning they’d probably stopped by the medbay before they made their way in here. “A little banged up, aren’t you?” You comment, although it's rhetorical and you know she won’t tell you how it happened just yet. That usually comes a few days after the mission, when the trauma isn’t so fresh and they’re not still on edge that something else is coming for them. You help her out of her pants as well, thanking Natasha when she hands you a fresh pair of undergarments to pull up Wanda’s legs before you even have to ask.

“We’re still in one piece.” Natasha promises, coming up behind you and wrapping her arms around your waist. She’s tense all over, but she does her best to relax as she holds you, grounding herself in the moment and not the nightmares that have been going around in circles in her mind since getting on the quinjet to come home. “We missed you.” She kisses the skin beneath your ear, lingering for a few seconds before she untangles herself completely and gets ready for bed herself.

“That’s all that matters.” You reassure her, pecking Wanda’s lips gently, knowing she doesn’t have the energy or the strength to match any moment of passion right now. It’s not something that bothers you, maybe it used to, just the slightest bit, but it’s a routine you’re used to now. “I missed you too.”

“I told Steve we’re not taking any missions for a while. Especially not together.” Natasha hands you another one of her tops to slip into, and watches you throw Wanda’s bloodied one into the garbage beside your vanity. She won’t wear it again, not when it’s got so much history now, even if you could get the blood stain out. Again, it’s a routine you’ve found comfort in. The clothes they return home in almost always end up in the garbage, no time for working through PTSD that’s stitched into the fabric when you can just get something new to start fresh in.

“That’s good. I heard from Maria how tough this one was. I don’t know if I slept much the first few days.” You hate to worry them, or make them feel bad, but they hate when you’re not honest with them, and there’s nothing any of you can do about them being sent out on missions, so it’s not like you’re haroboring negative feelings toward them directly, which they understand, but your girlfriends do a great job of beating themselves up about certain things out of their control, this being one of them.

“Or at all. We still have cameras, you know.” Natasha muses, thoroughly amused when you turn a deep shade of crimson and kick Wanda’s discarded pants up toward her. Your other girlfriend, who has been noticeably quiet through the entire exchange, is curled up in bed, looking unbothered by the conversation but intent on finally getting some sleep in her own bed without the possibility of being blown to bits by the enemy.

“Spying on me, are you Romanoff?” You tease, shutting all the drawers Natasha left open and picking up all of her discarded clothes to throw them in the bin as well. She thanks you silently with her eyes that are practically bleeding with pain and adoration, but you don’t say anything. This is the least you can do for them right now.

“Gotta keep an eye on my girl.” Although it’s an easy statement, you know that it’s riddled with nothing but genuine anxiety. Both of your girlfriends are worrywarts when it comes to leaving you alone, for any amount of time but especially undetermined chunks like this mission, and although its heartwarming to be so cared for, it breaks your heart to know that they have valid reasons to be afraid. Another thing nobody even considers when they make comments toward your relationship. Wanda makes a huffing sound beside Natasha and both of your lips twitch in amusement, “On one of my girls, sorry, malysh.”

“You both should get some rest.” You comment, seeing that almost an hour has passed since they stumbled in. You won’t be able to fall asleep again, and even if you could, you’re apprehensive to crawl into bed with Wanda and accidentally hurt her more, so you have all intentions of wishing them a goodnight and going to finally clean up the mugs of tea that are resting on the counter.

“Where are you going?” Natasha wonders, watching you closely, like she’s scared that you’re going to fall apart right in front of her. You hate these moments, when they’re first getting back and they still feel like they’re stranded in a battlefield. It takes days to get back to some kind of normalcy without walking on eggshells, and by that time, they’re usually cleared to start training again and working their strength up for the next mission. One day, you just want to be done, but they’re not ready yet and that's okay.

“To clean up the tea mugs you left before you went. I didn’t have the heart to clean them up, in case…” You train off, but Natasha knows what you’re going to say and her face sinks even deeper.

“In case we didn’t come back.” She finishes your thought, hand rubbing Wanda’s back now that the woman is on her belly, seeking pressure against her wound that’s probably aching beneath the gauze. She shouldn’t be putting any pressure on it, but you’re not about to scold her right now. She needs to be comfortable, any torn stitches can easily be mended tomorrow morning when she’s well rested.

“Yeah.” You breathe out, releasing the tension that gathered in your shoulders at the simple thought of losing them. They’re okay this time, you can let go of all that pent up anxiety and dread for the time being. But it crosses your mind that there's always next time, and they might not get so lucky.

“Will you stay with me? Please?” Wanda asks, voice muffled by the pillow her face is pressed into, her arms beneath her head as she gives Natasha full access to her back, and the aching muscles that have probably been pulled a couple thousand times since leaving. Natasha works harder at releasing some of that tension, looking at you with broken eyes that you can’t say no too. Your worries are squandered when Wanda speaks again, lifting her head just enough to be able to see your face, peering into your eyes with a passion and seriousness that burns you inside. “You won’t hurt me, stop thinking that. I just want to hold my girl.”

“Ahem.” Natasha clears her throat, and Wanda lets the slightest smile pull her tired lips upward.

“One of my girls, sorry, detka.” She apologies before dropping her face back into the pillow, tightening her grip on it when Natasha hits a sore spot in her back. The redhead keeps at it, knowing how easily the Sokovian can pull her muscles when she’s lifting heavy things with just her tendrils.

“Are my thoughts that loud?” You ask meekly, abandoning your intention of straightening up the kitchen and instead coming closer to the end bed, still without pants and just Natasha’s shirt that hangs to your mid thigh.

Natasha stops rubbing Wanda’s back in order to grab at your thighs and pull you closer, rubbing the skin of your legs the same way she had been rubbing Wanda’s back. Though she’ll never admit it, you and Wanda have a sneaking suspicion her love language is physical touch, and that just maybe, physically feeling you both silences her anxieties over you just disappearing from her. Whatever her reason, neither of you protest, and admittedly crave her touch by the end of the night when you crawl into bed.

“Mhmm, I promise I’m okay. Doesn’t really hurt anymore, s’just sore.” She promised, sounding half asleep the longer she lays, adjusting her head so her neck is turned toward both you and Natasha, but her eyes are closed, a content smirk on her lips that only grows bigger when she hears you sigh your agreeance and then feels the bed dip with your weight as you climb into bed.

“Lay your ass down, or I’m gonna fall asleep sitting up.” Natasha scolds, playfully slapping your ass as you crawl over her and into the center of the bed, which is no longer warm from your body. You settle in between them, humming contently when Wanda loops an arm around your waist and then Natasha pulled you into her chest, your legs intertangling messily beneath the sheets.

“I missed this. I can’t sleep when you’re gone, everything feels so empty.” You admit, letting your eyes close even if you’re going to have a few hours of painful silence and stillness before you can even consider actually falling asleep.

Natasha presses her lips into your head and Wanda tightens her arm around your middle, neither saying anything, but not having to as their words and their presence says it all. Surprisingly, you fall asleep in minutes, and not a single one of you wakes up for the next ten hours, desperately needing the rest all together again.

[arliedraws]

Ok so I need your opinion on the "Sirius black was always different and was abused from the very beggining" thing because after thinking about the canon Sirius and Walburga it made me think that Sirius probably used to be Walburga's biggest pride and joy because he was a perfect son in her eyes but their relationship started getting worse after he miraculously became a Gryff.

It just fits, you know? Regulus always sounded like a quiet child, someone often overlooked while Sirius is loud, opinionated and hard to control. And Walburga sounds exactly the same.

There is no way she wouldn't love a child that is her copy, someone she saw as the perfect future heir. Because he //was// perfect.

But then he became a Gryff and mayby she still believed things would stay the same but then Sirius came home for the holidays and he was- different. Yeah, he was still loud and proud but he started asking questions that neither Walburga nor Orion liked. They humanized mudbloods!

After that I think the relationship just became more and more toxic until Sirius couldn't stay anymore in the house he used to love, with people he used to (and mayby still) love.

Mayby that's why Walburga hated her oldest so much even as a portrait. Sirius was supposed to be //the best//, he was supposed to be //perfect//. And yet here he is, broken and a shell of his perfect little boy, used, chewed up and discarded when he was no longer needed

What do you think?

First off, I’m going to be really careful about how we define abuse here. I agree to a certain extent, but I think we need to consider that what we know to be emotional and physical neglect/abuse today is very different from 1960s-1970s child-rearing. The Blacks were an exceptionally traditional magical family, and their behaviors towards their children would have reflected this.

I think Mrs. Black loved Sirius more than Regulus, and I imagine her expectations for Sirius were much higher. “Sit up straight, do this, do that, don’t do that,” etc. Critiquing, nitpicking, criticizing. Today, I doubt we would tolerate this sort of behavior from a parent, but I think this would have been very normal in their society. After all, you show your child how much you love them by turning them into the very best version of them, right? Right???

Regulus was a jealous, sycophantic little slug. I think he would have tried to get Sirius in trouble whenever he could, but no one likes a snitch, particularly not Mrs. Black. But it’s easy to pit siblings against each other, and Mrs. Black would have used this to her advantage: “Oh, Sirius, look how refined your brother is. Do you see him speaking out of turn? Do you see how he obeys his mother?”

I also headcanon that Mrs. Black used magic to teach lessons. In a fic, I have Sirius relate an anecdote from childhood where he repeatedly talks out of turn and Mrs. Black uses a Silencing charm on him to shut him up for a few days—a gentle punishment in her eyes and a vital life lesson, but really traumatizing for a child. Again, this is abuse, and perhaps other traditional families would see it as extreme, but I don’t think anyone would express concern or find it particularly troubling. (James would be horrified, though, of course.)

As Sirius drifts further and further away from his family, however, Mrs. Black becomes increasingly desperate to keep her son in line. They eventually dissolve into constant fighting until Sirius can’t take it anymore and runs away (or this scenario).

A lot of folks think that pain and hatred is the foundation of abuse, but really, it’s often love. Growing up in an environment where you are never good enough, where your parents are constantly criticizing who you are and how to improve is an incredibly damaging and traumatizing way to grow up. Imagine being told that you are better than everyone else but you are still not good enough. Your everyday actions—speaking, eating, just sitting there—could be something you’re doing wrong. Imagine just trying to fucking eat and your mother barks at you that you’re holding your knife and fork wrong. Or that the order in which you’re eating is wrong. Or that you’re making too much eye contact or not enough or that you can’t speak until an adult addresses you. Not because she hates you, but because she loves you.

Anyway, is it abuse? Yeah. Would Sirius have considered it abuse? I’m not so sure, but I’m not sure he would recognize it as love (why would he?). However, Mrs. Black definitely saw her parenting as love, and she would see him running away as taking her love and throwing it all away for nothing. Let’s be honest, I think she always hoped Sirius would come back to her, and it drove her mad that he never did.

Oh, and yeah, Sirius definitely loved his family. He was constantly rejected and belittled, and I think he hated himself for wanting their approval deep down (even though he would NEVER admit it and never do anything to get it). This is what can be so hard for children who come from emotionally abusive families—at some point, it’s still your mom, and you want her to love you, but you fucking hate that you want it.

[velvetvexations]

Some morrrrre enby takes, plus one about the concept of binary privilege, and as a reminder to be safe...

Disrespecting yourself is when you use the term you actively prefer apparently. It would be much more respectful of me to call myself words that actively make me uncomfortable.

"Grown ass adults should not be embracing immaturity" Wow, absolute dogshit take. Why not? Why are adults not allowed to embrace 'childish' things? Why does it matter how other people refer to themselves, it literally does not effect you if other adults use words or like things that you (general you) think are too childish. I myself am in my 30s and that just sounds to me like more of the same garbage that's always been shoved down everyone's throats about how fun stops at adulthood, no watching shows aimed at kids or having stuffed animals or wearing fun clothes because if you do no one with take you Seriously. No calling yourself a boy or a girl or an enby because those are baby words for babies and letting someone call you that is allowing yourself to be disrespected. Like I'm sorry but that's also the same logic others use to misgender me when I say I use it/it's pronouns, that to them it's disrespectful so I'm really the problem for preferring it. I cannot stress this enough, how other people define themselves and what words they feel comfortable with is none of your business and someone liking a word you don't is not a threat to you. Also like, some of us feel out of touch with our actual ages for one reason or another and may enjoy childish specifically because they're childish, and again, that isn't anyone's business but their own. You can hate being called something, you can want there to be more variety in what terms are commonly used to refer to nonbinaries as a group, you can tell people to not ever uses a specific word to refer to you, and you can be upset that a word you don't like is being used as a default, but you don't ever get to police how other people feel about it or what they call themselves. I am an adult who has never been able to really conceptualize myself as an adult or even a human due in large part to autism and ptsd, and I'm going to call myself an enby and an it regardless of other more Serious Adults are shaking their head and judging me for it, because my identity is for me, not for the approval of others. I didn't mean to go off quite that hard or get so worked up, sorry if that was too aggressive Velvet, I know you don't really have a horse in this race.

As a nonbinary man (as one of mnay mostly-fitting labels), I have deeply mixed feelings on the question of "is enby infantilizing as a default?" because, On the one hand, I understand the linguistic argument that it is on the grounds that many of the most common nouns that end in a long E sound are diminutives or otherwise "cutesy" (baby, puppy, kitty, cutie, mommy, daddy...) - even if the etymology isn't as infantilizing as some myths make it out to be, it doesn't exist in a vacuum with regards to existing language NOR with regards to common stereotypes of nonbinary people, and those things can DEFINITELY be argued to collide in a pretty unfortunate way, On the other hand, there are a lot of people - not everyone who makes the argument, but enough to be a derailing factor in the conversation - whose arguments against it DO come from exclusionist myths about etymology, or worse, "vibes" such that when you take even the slightest look under the surface you see that they've either internalized the stereotype that nonbinary people (other than themselves of course) are all just white teenage girls trying to be special, or at the very least they're letting that stereotype have WAY too much control over them, and often nearly get to the point of saying that ANYTHING other than the longform and almost clinical "nonbinary person" would be too infantilizing, But on the third, transhuman robot hand, well, isn't the line between "letting the stereotype have too much control" and "acknowledging the fact that the language doesn't exist in a vacuum and can have unfortunate implications due to how the sounds of English interact with that stereotype" kind of blurry in the first place? And on the fourth cyborg hand, we STILL haven't gotten the damned exclusionists who will argue for OR against it in bad faith to shut up! Personally I'm on board with the idea of "enban" and "enby" to have the same relationship as "woman" and "girl" + "man" and "boy" - references to the same category of genders, with the appropriate word chosen based on context and Vibes that are loosely but not entirely based on the age of the person in question - but I'm not super invested in the specifics; I like to study them more than direct them, so I'm not gonna be personally offended if that's not what takes off or anything.

i think enby is fine for the most part but as someone who has identified as genderqueer since before people started widely using nb it does bother me a little bit in the same way as a lot of language shifts around "other" genders that there's an assumption that everyone who uses them identifies with the term "nonbinary", which i honestly wouldn't mind as much as an umbrella term if it wasn't for the fact that a large driving force behind this shift was "you can't say genderqueer because queer is a slur and that's icky" (and also the most widely used nonbinary flag was created both because of this and because "too many afabs are genderqueer so it's not a welcoming label for transfems!!" (the person who coined genderqueer is transfem) and i know like nobody knows that anymore but it still stings)

As a black nonbinary person I never understood why nb had to just mean non black or non binary??? thats dumb. anything can be shorted to its starting/defining letters. thats like when people got mad at twitter/tiktok users for shortening white to yr to save space and they weee all like "thats youtube!!" its dumb and no one ever needed to act like they couldn't share a term when context will make it clear what youre talking about. enby is a perfectly grown up word that just fine to personally feel like it doesn't fit without implying that a term many adults comfortably use is infintalizing. just say you dont like it because its not accurate and ask people to use what works for you!

Yeah honestly the enby over NB conversation was... bad. And particularly galling as someone who is a) nonbinary and b) Australian Aboriginal because so much of the framing of it was this very American-centric, 'how fucking dare you not be aware of Black American conversations' vibe from the same people who scream and cry and piss themselves every time one of us calls ourselves Blak or says "hey if you're into omegaverse can you please not use the term a/b/o without the slashes, it's a pretty violent slur towards us" or rejects the term POC as not being relevant to our experience of racism on our own land or literally anything else about our oppression that doesn't centre American voices. It exposed a really ugly side to a lot of anti-racism advocates, many of whom *weren't even Black themselves but white 'allies'* and I really hope we're not about to rehash it just because some people don't like seeing 'enby'. I'm Australian. It's culturally impossible for me to spell out an entire word when there's a shortened nickname version available. Sorry.

“NB exclusively means nonblack” “enby came about as a result of black bloggers saying not to use it” wrong actually! It was a result of white saviors saying that black bloggers said not to use it: we never did ^-^ hope this helps!!

This whole discussion of 'binary privellege' has made me think more about my thoughts about the term privellege overall. I really think its about time we stop referring to marginalized groups as having privilege over one another. Like. I believe that transmisogyny, transandrophobia, and exorsexism are all real forms of oppression. Trans men, trans women, and nonbinary people experience oppression in forms that are often different from each other. But if two people each have privellege over the other in certain areas, doesn't that kind of just balance out to them being the same amount of privelleged? They should be able to talk about their own experiences and what makes them different, but trying to measure which marginalized group has privellege over another one just seems like a waste of time. As a nonbinary person, I face a lot of exorsexism. There's types of transphobia that I experience which the binary trans people around me generally don't. Does that mean they have binary privilege? Absolutely not! The oppression they face isn't better or worse, it's just different. That doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to talk about my experiences or have words to describe them. It doesn't mean my experiences aren't important or worth discussing. But I think framing the difference as 'privelege' inherently implies that my oppression is worse than theirs... and that's the problem. They aren't any better off than i am. We're both still facing bigotry, that bigotry just doesn't look exactly the same. Anyway sorry if this is rambly or doesn't make sense. Brain fog is fucking me up right now but hopefully I've managed to edit it enough to be somewhat coherent. This may or may not be my 5th attempt at writing this ask but at least I THINK it makes sense this time

[oscconfessions]

This is something that has been on my mind alot when I see the osc. And I think its time for me to open my mind.

Why is that everytime when someone makes a big mistake in the osc (not counting crimes, thats another story.) they are immedietly outcasted and sentenced to be seen as absolute monster in the eyes of the community? What if they genuienly and actually feel bad for what they did? What if they actually wanted to become a better person? Why must we only keep having this black and white morality in this fandom? Why must we not help each other to become better people? Why is it that when we make one bad thing, suddenly we are shunned forever and ever and ever and hated and judged in the eyes of people. Should they forever be defined by their past and never move on from it?

This is mainly about genuienly feeling bad about past mistakes and all that. None of that fake apology to win the crowd back. One doesn't have to forgive them for what they did nor forget what they did, but I believe that if someone wants to change for the better, become a better person, they need all the help they can get if they want to do that. If you dont want to see them again, its perfect, the story with the person you assossiates ends there but it doesn't end for you or anyone.

In Inanimate Insanity, theres this theme of change and growth I notice in characters like Balloon, Knife and Taco. These three had their own journeys of becoming better people than they were, all back in season 1. Balloon was a bully, Knife was a Jerk and Taco was a wolf in sheep's clothing.

But each of them are going through their own journey. Balloon wanted to become a better person after realizing his attitude in season 1 is not what someone should be in a competition, at that time in episode 9, the others didnt forget what he did in the past and well in that time, forgive him. But OJ gave him advice, to make new friends, and he met suitcase, someone that is worthy of a second chance and stood up for him when he actually tries his best for the team and acts like a true ally, which helped her stand up for Nickel. Balloon eventually regained everyone's trust with the letters and everyone accepted him again.

Knife met Trophy in season 2, and Knife was now put in this position where he became the bully, he was now put in the same position of how he mistreated Marshmallow and Paper. His experience with Trophy changed him and the other contestants knew how that affected him and they tried their way to help him, like Nickel giving him lessons about sarcasm and Suitcase offering him the "random act of kindness". Knife eventually found out the Nickel's advice in sarcasm isn't really helpful as it brings more out more harm when he saw what was going on and he went out to help Suitcase gain the courage to stand up for herself and protect Microphone's secret. He became a nicer but he still has his tough persona.

Unlike these two, Taco is still facing her problems as of now, she lied to everyone who she really is. She is still technically hiding from everyone. Other than Pickle, Baseball, Lightbulb, Microphone, Mephone, Suitcase, Mepad and Knife who all know her presence as of now. Taco is shown to feel regret as she sent Pickle the letters which of course, he burnt them, and honestly I'd be pretty pissed too if I found out my friend lied who they were and never really saw me as a friend at the time. Eventually, as with nothing heard from Pickle, Taco met someone new: Microphone. Taco and Microphone worked together so Mic could win and split the million, but as they work together, things became really risky and dangerous and also make Mic incredibly uncomfortable with Taco's tactics, she is taking matters into her own hands, which made Microphone quit the partnership, this eventually made Taco open her eyes to what she was doing, as well as the game itself. She believes HERSELF to be unworthy of redemption and a fatal flaw that I believe she has is Pride. Taco has a lot of pride in herself and she always puts a wall up in those around her, both Mic and Pickle. Mepad helped her recognize that she needs to confront these problems herself instead of hiding from them, and when she finally meets up with Pickle, she is still putting these walls up. Its something we do alot when coming face to face with our problems, its like when Baseball mentioned about how taking the first step is always scary. Something that I think its important to bring up here is Knife's advice to Pickle, how we cant just give up on something already, and how we always have to try again when things go wrong and that theres always another chance to try again.

Balloon and Knife are doing better now, but Taco is still drowning. It's something I notice alot in the osc when it comes to experience, we have Balloons, we have Knives and we also have Tacos too.

Inanimate Insanity is truely an amazing object show of all time and I think Adam and the crew is doing such an amazing job with it, I am excited to see act 2 and see who will win. So remember, if someone is drowning in their mistakes, please get them out of the water, help them to become better people and if you can't forgive them, that's alright and we have to respect that decision and not do anything forceful. We are human beings, this isn't some court thing where you make a small mistake and its punishable by Isolation from everyone. We are all growing and learning. Beautiful isn't it?

(Please note I wrote all this late at night, like around 2:00 am, so I'm pretty tired and this has been keeping me up all night and english is not my first language, it is now 2:45 am)

.

[theandroidsentbycyberl1fe]

Arcane is a show that has so many amazing facets, it’s hard to pinpoint small details like I would in other shows I watch. However, this doesn’t mean that it’s impossible. One of my favorite small details of Arcane is how often Viktor is shown naked. I know, I know, it sounds dirty and perverted, but it’s really not. In the show, Viktor is never in a sexual situation when he is undressed, and I would even argue that in sex scenes within the show, the characters aren’t sexualized, but that’s neither here nor there. No, I love the fact that Viktor is shown naked because it highlights his disability.

Throughout the show, there is a big focus on Viktor’s disability. It isn’t something that falls into a lot of stereotypes, and it isn’t brushed aside. It is handled with care, and that means a lot to me and other disabled fans of the show. His disability is very visible, with him using braces and mobility aids and even an oxygen tank at one point, but it’s not something that is made a big deal to other characters like Jayce. Seeing Viktor naked reflects both his own thoughts on himself and his body as well as other’s opinions on him (mainly Jayce).

When Viktor is alone and naked, such as the scene where Sky dies in the lab with him, he is covered in braces and the camera is zoomed out, making him look small. He is crumpled on the floor without his mobility aid next to him, and he looks helpless, frail, and weak. But the most important thing about this scene is that he is alone. He views himself this way. When he has nothing and no one to distract from himself, he thinks he is pathetic and that his disability is ugly. Let’s be honest, conventional attractiveness doesn’t include spine and leg braces paired with greasy hair, no matter what some of us might think about that.

This really hits home for me. Granted, I don’t need as much support for Viktor and I don’t struggle with the same things he does, but when I am left alone with myself and my body, I feel ugly too. I feel grotesque and like I’m pathetic and worthless. My body feels like a cage. Watching this play out on screen made the bars feel a little looser, though. I finally saw myself on screen, something I didn’t even know I needed. I saw my slow decline and how exposing it feels to be visualized and handled with care, but not with pity.

And that’s another thing. Being disabled feels very exposing and very vulnerable. Walking outside really feels like being naked. Everyone can see your flaws and the parts of you that are wrong, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t hide it. By being naked more than any other character on screen, Viktor shows that visually, even though it’s not expressly the meaning of the scenes. He is exposed and often resigned about this exposure. The nakedness isn’t something that bothers him, it’s who and what he is that bothers him.

But this isn’t something that should bother people. So much of media focuses on fixing disability or making it into a superpower, so I really adore how Arcane took a step in the other direction. The overall meaning of Arcane’s story on Viktor is that you can’t run away from your disability. It is who you are, but it doesn’t define you. The less disabled he becomes, the less human he becomes and the more he messes with drugs and other things that ruin him. And to me, this was beautiful. Even now, writing this and thinking back, I’m tearing up. As my hands scream in pain as I touch each key, I am reminded that I need to learn to live with the sound. A popular, beautiful show, telling disabled people that it is okay to want to be better, but hating who you are and your disability isn’t the solution, is one of the most touching things I’ve seen in a very long time.

Now, whether they are canon is up for interpretation, but no matter your thoughts, it is clear Jayce is very close to Viktor. The part about their relationship I love the most is Jayce’s feelings towards Viktor’s disability. He doesn’t care. There’s a scene where Jayce is alone and thinks of Viktor, and his crutch appears beside the Viktor he imagines. There’s no emphasis or attention on it, it’s just there. Like it’s part of him. And it is. When Jayce gets injured and needs a brace, he doesn’t look at is like it’s a bad thing, and I would say the brace is framed to be a good thing, something that helps him survive and escape what is essentially hell. Jayce also sees Viktor naked multiple times, and never once is bothered by it. The most obvious instance of this, I would say, is when Viktor is brought back to life. His body is purple and emancipated, and Viktor asks Jayce what he is now that he looks like that. All Jayce says in reply is “You’re alive”. He doesn’t care what Viktor looks like or what he does to his body, as long as Viktor is alive and with Jayce. He loves him and his disability, and I cry every time I think about how amazing that is.

So, yeah, one of the parts I love the most about Arcane is how often Viktor is shown naked. It’s not bad, it’s just part of life. Disability is as connected to people and part of who they are as their naked body is. There is beauty in disability, and even when there isn’t, there is still life. You can’t be disabled if you’re not a person, and that is exemplified perfectly in Viktor’s character arc. There was never anything wrong with Viktor. There is nothing wrong with me or the other fans of this show who relate to him. Just like having a broken leg doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, it just means you need to be helped, you aren’t wrong or bad for being disabled.

[asetoblog]

A Seto psychological assessment

So, I said I was gonna do this and now I finally did it. Behold, a Seto Kaiba psychological assessment about interpersonal relationships! (I'm gonna try to make this as simple as possible for everyone <3)

I'm gonna consider original dub Seto ONLY, since the american version totally fucked his character up.

ATTACHMENT STYLE

According to Ainsworth and Bowlby's studies there are 4 Attachment styles:

Anxious/Preoccupied

Avoidant/Dismissive (ding ding ding!)

Disorganized/Fearful

Secure

What are Attachment styles (or Internal Working Models)? In children, we can find that they behave in different ways according to the presence or absence of their parents in an environment: anxious children have a deep fear of being abandoned or left alone so they act really upset or even cry when their parents are not around; avoidant/dismissive children usually hate to depend on others and don't care if they are left alone (they like minding their business); disorganized children are harder to understand since they act fearful towards their parents but at the same time they want to be close to them; finally secure children have a healthy relationship with their parents.

I think you've already noticed which one fits Kaiba the most: of course he's gonna be an Avoidant child!

(Mind that I think his attachment style CHANGED after he and Mokuba got adopted by Gozaburo, so there's gonna be a paragraph about their biological parents' death, because I think Seto's behaviour was much different before the whole orphanage and adoption thing)

The attachment style of a child is of course going to define their behaviour as adolescents and adults. The attachment styles of teenager/adults are pretty much the same and now I'm gonna list any behaviour that confirms Seto's attachment (Avoidant/Dismissive): as the Adult Attachment Interview (the AAI, a psychological test) suggests, avoidant people tend to belittle or even ignore their own emotions concerning their relationships with anyone (Seto openly admits to love and care about Mokuba and no one else, but even this happens rarely in the series and when it does he's pretty much always ALONE, when no one can hear or see him. It happens only once in Noah's Arc in the anime, when he gives us that ssweet face in front of Yugi and Co). The fact that he avoids his emotions about relationships and attachment with caregivers is also held up by the fact that he never brings up his parents, nor even with Mokuba. In Noah's Arc only Mokuba says something about them; Seto doesn't answer. Avoidant people also tend to devaluate their attachment with their caregiver (in this case we're gonna consider Gozaburo as the “caregiver/parent” because he gave our boy big trauma): if I remember correctly, Seto says he stopped calling Gozaburo “father” at one point. HOWEVER, the rest of the Avoidant assessment doesn't really fit Seto's behaviour, because he remembers very well what Gozaburo did to him (being physically and psychologically abusive) and doesn't idealize him as a good parent (which is what Avoidant people tend to do), so I think he's got also a little bit of Preoccupied and Secure characteristics in him (I'm gonna talk about this in a sec) and I believe it's because he's got a little of the positive influence of his biological parents in him AND he's not an easy guy to control/influence.

According to the AAI, Secure teenagers/adults are fully conscious of the abuse they suffered (I think Seto totally is, he just – you know – AVOIDS it) and are able to find a way to be happy and healthy again (I mean, I don't really think made it to the end, but he's still young and he's got a long road ahead, maybe he'll fully heal some day and I believe he's capable of doing that, because we've already seen his character development since the begninning of manga to the movie DSOD. Mokuba has been his strength and, you may like it or not, Yugi and Co (especially Atem) being a good challenge, nosy and friendly helped him too, which is cute (also Atem and Jonouchi made him reconsider playing games for love and fun, instead of only winning, so he found that old spark he loved playing games for again). Also, this is a little unrelated to the attachment itself, but a Secure person can also be defined as an autonomous and functional adult and I think he is, since he's a freaking CEO(?).

Now, let's talk about the Preoccupied people a little: a part of the AAI says that some individuals feel anger and/or conflict towards one or both parents. I mean. I don't think I have to explain this one, but Seto perfectly shows he hasn't moved on from the hatred he feels fro Gozaburo (and rightly so, I might say lmao). In Battle City he destroys an entire Island just to get rid of Gozaburo's memory and Obelisk representes his wrath and hatred (the soundtrack itself is called Wrath of God).

So, there we have it: Seto's an Avoidant child/teen, with some Secure and Preoccupied behaviour.

Some time later, another theory entered the chat: Lyons-Ruth presented her classification system of the attachment adding new styles, which are Hostile and Helpless. HH behaviour indicates that traumas are still present and working (ouch).

Hostile individuals are busy trying to control their own unwanted emotions and feelings of vulnerability (lol, Seto I see you): they are pretty much in denial, trying to hide their feelings of fear and helplessness. They also tend to identify themselves as their abusive parent and they hate it (yeah... I mean, this is so Seto).

Now, as I said in the beginning, I'm gonna talk a little bit about his attachment style BEFORE the orphanage thing. Seto used to smile (a lot), play many different games with Mokuba (which suggests they grew up in a positive environment where the parents were loving and the family as a whole was functional, since there seemed to be no hostility betweet the two brothers), be supportive, be happy and active. This is important, because this indicates that the little guy had good caregivers (as I said the family was functional and he had and still has a good relationship with his younger brother) and that means: Secure attachment style. Being Secure means not freaking out about a caregiver's absence and this might be a little stretch since grief is no joke at all, but even if it's a traumatic event, Seto handled it like a champ. (Of course this doesn't mean that didn't hurt and he didn't suffer. Quite the contrary. But he's been very strong since childhood).

I think this is it for the attachment style! Moving on to ...

GRIEF IN CHILDREN

So, we all know Seto and Mokuba lost their parents in an accident when they were children (I think Seto was about 8 or 9 yo and Mokuba was 4). Studies suggest that 4 yo children start to understand how death works (it's irreversible and universal, that means that they know who dies won't come back and that everyone will have the same fate sooner or later), whilst 6 yo and older children fully understand other implications (e.g. vital functions - like breathing - stop, and so on).

Now, of course this is considered as a very traumatic event for children to go through, but they can be calmed if treated right. Which didn't happen with Seto and Mokuba of course (poor babies).

Not only they suffered the sudden loss of their parents, but they also had to face heartless relatives who didn't want them and abandoned them in an orphanage. At that point Seto decided to step in as a father for Mokuba, which is HUGE for an 8 yo child who doesn't even know to tie his shoes yet (but is really great at chess, yo!)(just kidding).

What the studies tell us is that children who suffer a sudden loss of their parents also lose their only source of safety and support, which will make them feel like they're in danger and abandoned. What emotional reactions this may cause: sadness, anger, anxiety, apathy, shame and guilt. I'm pretty sure Seto felt all of this, but ignored it and tried to stay focused for Mokuba, which is sweet and a great proof of psychological stregth.

Physical symptoms: headaches (I'm sure Seto gets a lot of them), anxiety, sleep disorders (like, come on...), always scared of what could happen to other people (you may argue Seto doesn't give a shit about anybody, but everytime Yugi and Co are in danger, Seto's always there ready to help even if he doesn't admit it), always on the alert.

However, the most interesting bit is what a loss like this causes to children's relationship with their peers: they start to isolate themselves and start to show aggressive or hostile behaviour, which is exactly what Seto does. He's definitely a loner even as a teenager and he's a little hostile and dismissive towards everybody, especially his peers.

So, I think that's all...? If anything else comes to mind I will edit this post and add it, but I think that's pretty much it. I hope you enjoyed this!

PS: I'm sorry if there are mistakes or weird sentences, english is not my first language. I tried! 💀

[untitledvik]

somewhat personal rant,, spoilers for the new episode of DRDT and some thoughts from the previous

I'm genuinely astonished. I didn't think I would be so distraught but I am. I'm not really attached to literally any of the cast, Ace certainly interested me from a character standpoint and I heavily relate to him but I didn't exactly like nor hate him. It's one of those situations where reasons aren't excuses, like J stated. I'm glad she's been a voice of reason throughout this chapter, especially when it came to calling out both ace and nico's actions.

I'm somewhat, emphasis on somewhat, in the opinion that if you aren't willing (not talking about people mentally unable to) to empathize with other's, then you shouldn't expect people to empathize with you. Ace is the type of character that doesn't want help, so people give up. You can't help someone that'll continue to refuse it. But at the same time, it's upsetting. Just like all death, he never got to be happy, never got to recover from his eating disorder, never got to pursue something he actually wanted to do and break out of the cycle, never got to feel something other than fear and anger.

Same thing for Arei, except it's another horrible but probable thing that can happen to everyone. Finally turning a better leaf in life only to die before you could truly get started. Or finally obtaining that connection to people and have your life turn to the better. Spending all that time working on yourself, just to fear dying more because now you have everything to lose instead of nothing. Which one is worse? I don't know. Either way, I think about them both a lot and it scares me. A part of me hopes I never get better in any aspect so I don't have to wonder to myself "When will the good times end? When and how will all this be taken away from me?". How can you make the most of life when you can lose everything at any moment? Especially when you feel like you're already dying every single second of the day.

And some people might think Ace's execution was underwhelming, but it's perfect. He was never defined by his talent, he let fear define him. Fear dictated his motives, actions, even personality. Another thing scarily relatable. Living day by day wondering when it's going to end, not being able to trust people both online or real life, even yourself. Forcing yourself to stay neutral or think badly of people so you don't let them get close. Even if you don't tell them that. Fucking damn it, even the fact he had only one friend that's gone, and doing things you hate for approval is fucking relatable. I hate this so fucking much genuinely.

At least he had cool cg's and animations 👍

and seth really is such a talented va.

I wonder if he saw his old friend in Levi and that's why he was so willing to jump into his execution to save him..

[daenerysstormreborn]

The idea that Arya's arc is a reflection of Cat's was born out of old forum arguments that Sansa lacked "Starkness" and was more of a Tully. It was solely created as being gotcha assuming that most of the people making those arguments liked Arya and Ned more than Sansa and Cat, and specifically hated Sansa and Cat because they're not like Arya and Ned. What better way to shame them than by comparing the characters they hate most to the ones they presumably like best?

The problem of course is that it's not really born out of a proper analysis, it's from wanting to prove the person you're arguing with is wrong. Nor does it acknowledge that the actual problem is treating the houses like they're Hogwarts houses and all members of the family need to share the same handful of traits but that both sides see House Tully and Stark as Hufflepuff and Gryffindor. No one wants their fave to be a Tully, they want them to be a Stark. If Sansa fans didn't see being a Tully as shameful they would be celebrating her similarities to Cat, not wanting to run away from them to make her seem more like Lyanna and Ned.

There's a good post I don't think I'll be able to properly paraphrase that points out everyone who loves the Cat/Arya comparisons would never support it meaning Arya following Cat's footsteps as the next Lady of Winterfell. It comes off shallow and lacking because the actual subtext is that Ned/Sansa are "good" while Cat/Arya are "bad", i.e. the former being defined through kindness and leadership while the latter are defined by feralness and the futileness of revenge. It also just shows a complete lack of understanding what GRRM is actually trying to portray with the characters lol. Arya is specifically compared to Lyanna in both personality and appearance, she's heavily motivated by her conversation with Ned in her second AGOT chapter and is constantly remembering leadership lessons she heard him tell Robb and Jon. She loves her mother fiercely yet worries Catelyn will reject her.

I also think it showcases the weaknesses in fandom's ability to analyze the text in only able to see parallels and nothing else. There's very little about mirroring or anti-parallels or contrasts. And some can only see parallels through a shipping lens. Something that stands out to be in AFFC is when Sansa thinks of her father telling her "all men live with fear" but the father she was referring to was Petyr, not Ned. It does indicate to me that Sansa's arc in TWOW could involve her struggling between following Ned's life lessons instead of Petyr's, but Sansa never really remembers things she's learned from Ned the same way Jon and Arya do. In the same vein, Cat being resurrected because of Nymeria and Beric's promise to Arya is meant to be intentional, Cat futile suggestion of naming Arya as Robb's heir instead of Jon is meant to be intentional, Jon thinking Cat would be pleased to see him say he has no sisters is meant to be intentional. It's all set up for a reunion between Arya and Cat that goes well beyond Arya seeing her thirst for revenge reflected at her through Lady Stoneheart.

The way Sansa fans react to any suggestion that she has parallels to Lysa just completes the puzzle. They'll rage and accuse anyone making the comparison as hating Sansa yet will turn around and argue that Arya is the one who has the most similarities to Lysa, of course with no acknowledgement that following their own logic would mean making parallels between Lysa and Arya is motivated by hating Arya lol.

Thanks for all the information!

The idea of Cat being associated with being feral is so funny. What feral thing has Cat ever done? She freed Jaime Lannister which was a very extreme measure to save her daughters but other characters (Cersei) have done way more extreme things for their kids. Arya isn’t “feral” either like anything “feral” she’s done has been for the sake of survival. Or justice, in the case of the tickler, but he was literally torturing people. Is she feral because she had to jump on him and stab him multiple times instead of cleanly beheading him? Because of course she’d have to do something like that to kill him. She’s a scrawny little girl. And okay she killed Daeron in Braavos. He was a deserter. Is Ned feral for killing a deserter? Nobody says that. Or is she just feral because she doesn’t conform to what’s expected of her as a high born girl? 💀 And the idea that Arya isn’t defined by kindness either like. Arya is an extremely kind girl who will befriend anyone. She is sweet and playful with little children, her peers, and adults alike. I’ve talked about it before but when she entered the house of black and white the first thing she thinks to do is get a stranger something to drink, believing she’s just getting him some water.

I don’t think either girl is really defined by leadership either at the point. Sansa is learning a lot about politics from LF, but she hasn’t been put in any sort of actual leadership position. Both girls do admire female leaders. I honestly don’t think Arya is motivated by revenge either. I’ve said it before but I interpret her list as a coping mechanism. She has a strong sense of justice and she takes comfort in imagining justice being enacted upon the people who deserve it. So does Sansa, for the record, although it’s not quite so in-your-face and she copes in other ways.

Treating the houses like hogwarts houses is a good way to put it. To some extent, I get it. Like, the Starks are cool. I’m not sure how “Tully” Sansa is either. Like sure she looks like Cat and she lost Lady but how much does she really have in common with her aside from conforming to femininity? Not to say I think she’s more like Ned than like Cat. I just think it’s kind of a silly debate.

I’ve read plenty of metas about Sansa and Lyanna but I’m definitely not sold. I think a lot of it comes from people conflating all rose imagery with Lyanna (i.e., Sansa and the “roadside rose” thing) but there’s an entire house with a rose emblem and I don’t think George had Lyanna in mind. I don’t strictly mind drawing connections between Lyanna and Sansa as long as it doesn’t also involve dismissing the strong connection between Arya and Lyanna.

Parallels are definitely the easiest to find, so I can’t quite blame people for talking more about them than anti-parallels and contrasts and such. I also think that shipping culture can really hurt people’s interpretation of characters and media. We’re all biased in our interpretations in some way, of course.

To be honest though I’m not sure I see the Sansa/Lysa parallel either. I’ve heard this a lot, but I actually don’t know what people are referring to when they compare them. I haven’t seen an explanation. So I’d definitely be interested in an explanation if anyone has one! I am a Sansa fan btw like Daenerys, Jon, and Arya are my favorites but I am a Sansa fan. But I also don’t think drawing parallels to Lysa is hate lol. I know very well that this fandom in general has a very low threshold for what constitutes hate.

Thank you for the ask!

[yuseonghqs]

🌊 GREETINGS FROM YUSEONG BAY !

JUST LANDED: SEO, NOAH. / / FROM: USA. / / AGE: 21.

–––– ( FOLLOW ? ) / / ( READ MORE ? ) / / ( MAILBOX ? )

born and raised in seattle, washington, noah is one of two children. if you were to ask noah about his early life, his childhood, he would describe it as eerily average. noah, born quickly after his sister, making them irish twins, felt undoubtably close to her and though the two fought, as siblings usually do, they were generally well to get along.

his mother started her education in nursing and went on to become a nurse practitioner and work in a family clinic; his father working mostly highly laborious jobs in construction, becoming a site overseer in a lot of large scale projects in the city. with both working very demanding jobs, they didn't spend much time raising their children, nor did they put much effort into their already crumbling marriage.

in middle school, noah becomes known as sort of a "basketball prodigy" and once in high school, it becomes his defining feature when the games become all that more high stake. he is the team's ace and is well known both in his own high school and others in the area. it earns him a glowing reputation, which is something he hates, because well, being shy and also popular, don't really mix well together. and while he has friends he enjoys being around, he also has a reputation for being quiet and somewhat brooding.

the discontent began to set into the house when nina and noah entered high school. fights were common, he and his sister would sit on the carpeted stairs and listen to the explosive arguments that would rattle the house. both of them knew eventually, their parents would get a divorce, sometimes welcomed it even. that is, until they didn't quite choose the same parent to live with upon the separation.

noah had always felt closest to his mother and the option between staying at his school in a city where he had lived most of his life, rather than going to a new country, speaking a new language, and experiencing major culture shock, felt like the safest choice. nina, however, chose to move to south korea with her father, who would be moving to live closer to his parents.

the choice to separate from is sister was almost worse than the hurt of the divorce between his parents; the fact that they would no longer be a whole family, now broken and continents away from each other, would leave noah feeling betrayed in a way. for the one who had always looked out for him, would be thousands of miles away. the sadness he felt and the shame in his codependence would cause him to close himself off from everyone and leave him lingering in his last high school days as a wallflower, even more reserved, anxious, and quiet.

since sports had always been his favorite outlet, besides playing guitar, he decided to entertain a scholarship to UW. with basketball dominating his life, he found it hard to really find much direction in life, because while he doesn't really want to play professionally, he also doesn't really know what he wants out of university either. he would find himself on the track to graduate with a degree in biochemistry, having a just mild interest in science courses.

not really knowing what to do with his life, noah decides to follow his sister to seoul with a exchange program for the summer. with both living near his sister again and enjoying the change of setting and life away from sports, he in passing, tells his coach and a few teammates that he wants to stay in korea and continue his education there. they do not support this idea, while it would mean losing their star player. through enough guilt, noah reluctantly agrees to come back.

tw self-harm / this would change with a "freak injury" during one of his morning runs by the han river. noah would be told by doctors in seoul that he would not be allowed to play basketball until he had significant physical therapy, or in all likelihood, ever again. this would also mean, losing his sports scholarship.

such a drastic change to noah's life, left him with even less of an answer of where to go or what to do. his parents didn't have much money, let alone to pay for his schooling, nor did he even want to go back home and confront his former teammates and coach. so in an act of desperation, he fled to yuseong bay, to live with his father and grandparents on their family farm.

currently, noah feels like a fish out of water, but ultimately he feels as though yuseong is actually helping him learn to live with that uncomfortableness. he finds comfort in blending in with simplicity, not having to make largely life changing decisions, and ultimately, just feeling calm by the quietness of the town.

[changbinslovelylegs]

Your aftercare series has made me curious... how would you give aftercare after a one night stand?

Its why I won't pursue them b/c Id just feel so awkward and used afterwards.

Do you give a high-five and dip?

Do you just get up and leave immediately?

I couldn't imagine having to experience the come-down of sex by myself 😩😩

First of all I think conversations about aftercare need to be had because they are not had often enough nor do we see it often enough on places such as sexy websites (if you catch my drift)

Aftercare is really important which is why I made that series because I wanted to let people know that no matter your preferences in bed (whether you define as dom/sub/switch even vanilla) that everyone should be given and deserve aftercare

Now to answer your question specifically which refers to aftercare for a one night stand (something I did not cover in my series) I think there are a few ways aftercare can go.

I think that everyone should be looked after maybe have a nice cuddle session, a nice warm bath but I get that with a one night stand you don't really want to see that person again and things like cuddling could lead a person on to make them think that it was more than just a one night stand.

Instead just take care of the person in small ways, I think it is never ok to just leave! What I would do personally is before I left or the other person left I would make sure the other person was ok. Make sure he's not in any pain, make sure he can get home safe, I'd even offer a cup of coffee but then I or he would be on their way. I personally define as a sub leaning switch so if I was in the sub position that night I would expect the same for me, just because it's a one night stand doesn't mean aftercare should be forgone.

If that isn't enough for you though then you can always call a friend if you need more looking after like for example maybe you always need a cuddle session but you can't cuddle with your one night stand so call a friend that is happy to cuddle with you. I agree with you and would hate to come down by myself and yes self aftercare is real but i'd personally rather it come from someone else.

[mrswagtastic]

can you explain what about outliars reminds you of cartman? i enjoy south park but ive not seen enough of it to understand that post lol

Sorry for such a late rely but of course I'd love to!! To me atleast alot of the lyrics really remind me of and match his character, so I'll go through some here:

- "Did you know that the hole in the apple didn't come from the outside in? It was eaten from the core and out to the skin and that's why you'll never find the worm in it" - this one makes me think about how alot of the reasons Cartman is the way he is is because of his family, such as his mom being an enabler for his bad behaviour and self-centered attitudes, or the rest of his family just being AWFUL like dude didn't have much hope from the start. It could also symbolise how on the outside, Cartman can play an innocent kid act to get his way if wanted, and so it's harder to see him for he truly is.

- "Well this disease is defined by its treatment You people make me sick" - Cartmans just genuine hatred for pretty much everyone around him and how he constantly blames others instead of taking responsibility for what he's done

- Why's you come into this world Or come out that way? - Cartmans narrow view on the human experience and how he's unable to understand perspectives or people different than himself, such as him hating other races or cultures. I imagine him saying this to someone lol

- "I am the shadows cast aside by gallows And you, the red-hot sky" - Cartman is a very yknow shady guy and is usually told by others to go away or excluded, such as when they all ignored him after he ate the chicken skin, and the red-hot sky is Kyle because well he's Kyle

- "And if you're believers, then why Would you grieve for the dead Instead of a devil that you never prayed for?" - reminds me of how the other boys complain about Cartman being awful, yet its shown that in post covid he gets better because he left them, showing that they make him worse and are the ones causing said issue here.

- "You've become immune to my toxic fumes, my Dose-dependent presence in your life" - how the other boys have all become somewhat used to Cartman by now, that his toxicity is pretty normal for them and so they're just not surprised anymore, almost tired of him, and so usually able to wuickly shut down or refuse his tactics when he tried to get them all involved in a scheme.

- "Too weird to love, too scared to die" - Cartmans too awful of a person to ever truly be loved, and despite trying to act scary he is quite weak in reality, as shown with how easily he gets injured and starts sobbing when given a light tap

- "Horrified at the sight of my reflection in your eyes" - this makes me think of moments that other characters have acted or been called Cartman-esque, such as Kyle when he joined the cracks baby athletics association and kept trying to justify it, or Heidi after she'd turned into basically the girl version of Cartman.

- "Who'd want to belong to anyone? I mean, what do people even do?" - this line makes me think of how when Cartman git an akexa, he started falling out of love with Heidi, since his desire to have control and love was nor being fulfilled by a machine, and he didn't need her anymore

- "I doubt that you would Even if you could change" - Cartman is seen as. A lazy irredeemable monster that's unable to change, and especially I the new post-covid timeline, he peibably never will even if given the chance now

I hope this has helped you to understand my vision!! Obviously you don't have to agree with this it's simply my own interpretation and a product of having both a South Park special interest and a Will Wood special interest at the same time lmao. Honestly even just the music itself feels very like Cartman to me, something that starts off quite innocent but as it goes on you see more and more of those dark undertones, and it could be seen as quite comedic yet villainous music if that makes sense? Heck even the title of the song reminds me of him because of Cartmans often hypocritical and deceitful nature lol. Anyways hope this helped! Sorry if it's confusing I'm awful at explaining my thoughts so lemme know if you need any clarification on anything!!

[aficionadoenthusiast]

tsoa IS a good book, even divorced from the iliad, and its a very emotional interpretation of the relationship between achilles and patroclus. But you cant fault someone being frustrated that for a majority of people, at the very least on this site, tsoa's interpretation is THE ONLY interpretation of the relationship between achilles and patroclus, because their only knowledge of the content of the iliad is what was said in tsoa. And Miller (purposely, and its not inherently a bad thing) made a lot of changes to better fit the narrative of what tsoa was trying to say: patroclus' worth was disminished (reliable narrator... unreliable narrator... the text is still the text) to emphasize his adoration of achilles, and it was effective! But the frustration comes from the constant lack of awareness people have of the distinctions between patroclus' modern portrayal (which is not entirely Miller and tsoa's fault: hades game and now, the holding achilles play also portray achilles' and patroclus dynamic in a similar way as tsoa) and how patroclus, and achilles for that matter, are in the actual iliad.

There is also thetis, and while I am not here to judge Miller's antagonizing of thetis in her book (which again, fit the narrative), you have to admit it is a bit saddening to see thesis constantly villainized without distinction wheras thetis in the iliad, had no actual ill toward patroclus, her most defining interactions with him being her weeping with her son on the shore while hes holding patroclus' body, and her giving patroclus the nectar and ambrosia of gods to keep his body from decomposing. Her relationships with both her son and husband were also "healthier" as she embody maternal love as her narrative role in the iliad.

Lastly, I think it all just comes down to tastes: while I do appreciate the soft and dramatic, almost forbidden, yearning of tsoa, I think I would enjoy it more if it was a more casual, unquestionned kind of love, the one you dont really think about until it is violently and tragically taken from you. After all, gay relationships are as diverse as any relationships. And I feel this one lacks representation, not just for achilles and patroclus, but just in general.

I apologize for the essay, this is not meant to be an attack nor a lesson, just to offer an argument from another point of view. A plesant day or night to you

hi anon! this is the post they're talking about for anyone interested.

first off, i want to say thank you for being respectful. when i opened this ask, i was honestly expecting something way worse just based on the tsoa hate i've seen.

second, when i say tsoa hate, i'm not talking about people who are frustrated that the majority of the iliad retelling content is tsoa or the people who just didn't like the book. that's fine; everyone's entitled to their opinion, and i don't expect everyone to love the book as much as i did, and, honestly, i can understand the frustration (though i generally am only looking for tsoa stuff)

everything you said is very true, but the hate i'm talking about are the people who are straight up blaming madeline miller and tsoa for everything wrong with all modern portrayals of the iliad. i won't link any of it because i don't want people who see this to click on the links just to spread hate, but believe me when i say there is a ton of it, and most of it is full of toxic masculinity, almost none of it as tagged as hate or anti, most of it mentions achilles and/or patroclus as 'soft uwu gays', all of it tags just 'tsoa' or 'patrochilles' so anyone looking for tsoa content has to see it, and all of it hates on miller for being uneducated for bullshit reasons.

the 'soft uwu gays' is the thing that really bothers me. (look up 'soft uwu tsoa' to find some of it if you want to see what i'm talking about.) hating the book is fine! like i said, not everyone's gonna have the same opinion on the book as i did. but ignoring the whole message of the book to instead prioritize traditional ideas of masculinity, and then to act like the book is feeding into a gay stereotype by making the two of them loving partners? that is straight up homophobia and sexism.

besides, the book is a retelling. it is not gonna be the same as the iliad, and that's how it's supposed to be. the point is to offer new perspectives on old stories.

i will admit that the tsoa fans that act like it's just another version of the iliad and can be taken as a substitute for the iliad are annoying and wrong. there are indeed many differences.

(reiterating: no hate on you! you were incredibly respectful and made very good points, and i'm not trying to call out everyone who didn't like tsoa! just the ones who can't figure out how to hate respectfully or have a conversation instead of an accusation match)

for the unreliable narrator thing, that is a big deal imo. if the narrator is unreliable, there is nothing in the book you can trust. in this case, the part you can't trust is patroclus' true role in the fighting as well as the real level of badassery between the two of them. like i said in the original post, the book was purposefully written to leave out a lot of the fighting because she wanted to highlight the duality of warriors, but the soldiering side is already known from the iliad which left madeline miller to speak on the loving side of patroclus and achilles via patroclus' perspective and narration.

as for thetis, i'm not gonna lie, i have not yet read the iliad, but i have read excerpts, summaries, and i have studied it (i just lost so much credibility but it's fine), so i can't speak on her tsoa portrayal (though i will say that i have never acted like tsoa is canon iliad). what i can speak on is growing up with controlling parents. i'll just leave it at it fucking sucks. although, it would have been cool to see a supportive thetis!

thanks for the ask! and, again, most of this doesn't apply to you! you were very respectful, and you had very good points!

have a good day or whatever time it is where you are!

edit: i took out the first reference to canon relating to the iliad. see notes for more info.

[emptymanuscript]

This is a Priest of Brooding post. Essentially me thinking out loud about things that are difficult. If you don't want to deal with it, I can't find any other things tagged Priest of Brooding, so if you block that tag, you should only block this style of post and only from me.

With that out of the way:

I keep rolling a few bits now stuck in my head from Wednesday night and Thursday morning. Trying to parse a difficult topic as a kind of way of plucking at strings in an attempt to untangle a knot.

In particular, a cancer survivor said to me that they didn't think their life experiences could be helpful to me and I disagreed because it essentially already was something of a parser to my thinking. They had had the experience, like my own, where their own body was key to their unhappiness. They had experienced that betrayal and had not taken any of the leaps that I had. Which does let me untangle that what I'm going through isn't THE natural reaction to pain. There's something more than that I'm just in pain that is making me react the way I am.

And that's what I want to parse: The separate threads leading me into this knot so I can maybe untangle them and see more clearly.

My chronic pain is an obvious thread but I want to tease the rest away from it.

I certainly hate my body in part because it hurts. I don't want to hurt so I don't want my body. Simple enough.

Having low self image is a sensible thread. I don't like how I identify how people "should" look in comparison to how I do look. And I've been making some headway on that. Talking to my therapist about how I think I and my family look is certainly illuminating that I am having a deeper reaction to their looks than their actual looks. For my to define myself and my younger sister as unattractive while defining my older sister as beautiful and my father as looking the way he was supposed to look, neither good nor bad, when we all so strongly resemble each other is pretty blatant that I am not actually looking primarily at physical aesthetics. Feeling ugly is fairly clearly an emotional instead of a logical response, no matter how much logic I pour into it.

But with all that, dealing with people with pain, dealing with people with low physical self esteem, even dealing with people who hate their bodies, or have fairly noticeable gender biases in my interactions with people I know, I'm the only one to leap in my deep depressions to the idea that since I don't want to be this body, then maybe I want to be another body, maybe I want to be a body of the a different gender.

And like how do you parse that apart? How do you figure out which dysphoria is based in pain, low self esteem, or gender? Does it even matter? Would that desire go away if I didn't have the other threads? Or am I blaming the other threads so I can keep trying to avoid the topic for another 40 years? Am I just making it a tangle because I'm afraid of what a straight line it actually is?

I don't know. But I'm not feeling like "I don't know" is an acceptable answer any more. It's all well and good to say in principle that everyone should be allowed to experiment and fuck the gender binary because it is bullshit. It is not really the same thing when it is myself in practice and I'm going to have to pay the consequences of anything I say, try, or do.