#and /some/ unreality things DO get to me Tumblr posts
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I've definitely got something going on up here but I don't have the confidence or the knowledge to say what
#like? i relate to adhd posts Alot. recently ive noticed that i relate to plenty of autistic posts too#and /some/ unreality things DO get to me#sometimes i genuinely even believe that ive suddenly changed dimensions and despite KNOWING full well thats silly#i wont be fully confident that everythings normal until i can confirm it (usually seeing my family's faces)#which like. thats not frequent. i cant think of recent examples. but its happened Enough for me to be aware it happens more than it#probably should#i cant drink water at all because of its texture? liquid density? idk but putting flavoring in doesn't help. i just cant drink water#sometimes ill get so worked up about it that drinking water will actually make me feel ill#i get Distressed if schedules are changed suddenly or if takes longer than planned#and if a question is like time sensitive. like sometimes some1 will ask my if i want to eat at x restaurant and give me 5 seconds to decide#and even if like small things change i get distressed. like. i Need to sit the left side of the table near the wall or window#uh what else what else thats notable. hm. more anxiety? i feel like its a normal amount#but apparently my parents feel its a cause for concern if they wake up with their chest feeling tight from anxiety#which was wild for me to learn#theres also the headaches but those are unrealted im like pretty sure they're from my casual caffeine addiction. but that does remind me of#the sensory overload! i guess thats what it is? idk idk i just know that sometimes i get especially snappish and irritable#but that usually only happens during the headaches. but. thats probably because the headaches lower my tolerance for sound and brightness?#oh! poor object permanence and the absolute worst memory. also can object permanence apply to time too because i notice that more#like something that happend a week ago will feel like a distant memory. like i haven't forgotten anything its just. distant. doesn't feel#like i did that thing just a week ago#potato rambles n speaks#somehow i usally just chalk all of this up to the caffeine problem#while simultaneously also convincing myself the caffeine problem isnt that bad (<- gets headaches if i go like over a day without caffeine)#the caffeine is dark soda. g help me and what i subject my poor body to
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A little special something for something even more special. Hint: it's about love and fears and birthdays and new beginnings
(@/marvel hire me <3)
#pavitr prabhakar#spider man india#atsv pavitr#across the spiderverse#sandman#spider man fanart#comic#artoftheagni#mythic mumbattan au#inspired by the cover for spider man family business#it's so dynamic and for what!!#WOOOOOO anyway just gotta do some final editing on the birthday fic and then WE'RE HERE..... MMAU IS REAL..........#im so excited you guys. the amount of lore and stories and fun things i'm going to shower you with..... unreal#giving my baby boy what he needs (trauma pain suffering and a power up and a birthday party!!)#kalaripayattu pose is the horse stance. if you want to know#why can't i write FASTER GRR#anyway i believe in ghungroo supremacy. moon knight with his “i wear white so the bad guys see me” well-#-pavitr's schtick is that he sounds like christmas when he approaches. get scared#new fic incoming in a few days.....
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I'm seeing a lot of people with neurodivergency, specially under the autism spectrum say that "Laios is annoying, never shuts up, is insensitive, and I can't stand him"; and the irony is not lost on me lmao.
#like im sorry dude did you think all autism is “anime obsessed dude”?#how did you think neurodivergent people behaved on old times?#also like#being unintentionally insensitive is almost a telltale sign of autism cause you struggle with social cues#if anything i think a lot of you are finally habing to face your own internalized predjudices#“he is annoying” yes that's how ableist neurotypical people talk about us all the time tell me something i haven't heard already#like how do i explain to you that a lot of neurotypical people tal the exact same eay youre talkbing about laios#and is annoying when they go “but im neurodivergent! i can be biased agaisnt neurodivergent people”#yes you can because being neurodivergent is not a monolith and you are mistifying being neurodivergent#by implying theres some sort of virtue in being under the spectrum when youre as capable of being a dick just as everyone else#like you think you have autism but suddenly wanting to taste things youre not supposed to eat and not remembering peoples names is too much?#some of yall never experienced beinf a “weird kid” at a young age and it shows#and im not talking the “geek bullied” weird kid kinda way#im talking “the adults think I'm weird amd don't know how to deal with me”#WHICH FITS LAIOS PERFECTLY BECAUSE WE ACTUALLY HAVE A SCENE OF HIS DAD SHOWING HIM FALLIN AS A BABY#AND NOT UNDERSTANDING WHY IS THERE NO EXPECTED REACTION FROM LAIOS#anyways im making this rant because is unreal how many posts of this exist#you think Laios is annoying cause he wont shut up?#congratulations thats how most people see us#now get over it or watch other series if you hate it that much#dunmeshi hell thoughts#weird rant i suppose#dungeon meshi#laios touden
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how did u learn to paint?? like i just cant wrap my head around it
<3 I love answering asks like this!
You will have to bare with me, I don't save many of my studies, and my files aren't that organized so I don't have as many images as I would like.
The studies I've found most helpful for myself personally with painting are various master studies. (This is also, as always, alongside study of fundamentals.) And always follow a study with self-critique (and, if you can get it, outside critique!)
"Master" in this sense means anyone who you want to learn something from.
One way you can do this is by copying an artist's work directly. This is to try and understand some of their stylistic techniques. Leyendecker, Andrew Loomis, and John Singer Sargent are personal favorites of mine! I try to keep these quick, I'm not trying to get an exact copy.
I also get a lot out of copying photos. In this case, I'm not trying to glean some technique, rather, I'm trying to interpret the photo and explore my own stylizations.
(photo credit mountain men of alaska )
I also really enjoy taking a painting or piece that already exists, and making it "mine" by putting my characters in it haha, which is sort of a combination of master studies and photo studies!
(William Bruce Ellis - Covent Garden (1930)) (Barberini Faun)
And then, in my work that's not a study at all, I'm informed by all of these!
What master studies do is help me refine my style and practice my technique, but also I'm communicating with artists of the past through my art! They're teaching me! And I have so much to learn.
And of course... most importantly... I paint.
a lot.
I don't do as much study anymore, not because I feel I've learned all I need to, but because for work I draw 50+ drawings a week. 'Drawing for work' and 'study' occupy the same space in my brain and I need some fun drawing time!
So to sum up, draw a lot, reference constantly, and copy the people you want to draw more like!
(and, of course, when doing a study off of someone else's work, always give them credit. If it's your photos there's no need.)
#I really tried to pare this one down cause it got LONG#as always I am more than happy to delve deeper into any of these particular points!#I'm always always always happy to explain as much of my process as possible#and I'd love to pass off some of my knowledge to others!#I love to see people creating art and want to do anything I can to help empower people to do so more#I love you mwa mwa mwa#asks#edsheerankinnie#art tips#painting tips#I pretty much wear my influences on my sleeve#like I don't care#I honestly get so so so excited about art I'm like shaking a little#like oh my god#we get to MAKE Things#we get to sit down and through the power of our own hands we get to CREATE#and I get to access the knowledge of humanity. throughout history#I get to reach my hand out and have people who are long gone pass their knowledge on to me.#like come on. that's unreal...#at some point you will unlock this feeling if you let yourself#the feeling of connection over centuries#when you hear michelangelo was so shocked by the lifelike nature of his own sculpture he threw his chisel at it to see if it would move#when you see rockwell's love for simple moments between normal people#when you see cave paintings of a woman and you know she was loved.#you get to fucking connect#and feel human#and it's really special#and it's why I think everyone should draw. everyone should draw a LITTLE#music too#augh I'm emotional
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#it drives me completely insane how both foreigners and Germans act like supermarkets closing at 8 pm and on Sundays is reasonable and normal#IT'S FUCKING FOOD#IT'S ESSENTIAL#''but people should not work on sund–''#firstly why the fuck not#I loved working on sundays#you get a weekday to yourself to do any appointments in the morning and don't need to ask for a day off#AND#you don't expect emergency workers to not work sundays right???#FOOD IS EMERGENCY#I'm sick and tired of constantly starving myself because I was too tired to buy food after work#and my executive dysfunction wouldn't let me buy anything in the morning#i CONSTANTLY beg myself to get my ass up before lidl closes#and always end up sprinting to the store to grab a frozen pizza 5 minutes before closing#like in Prague I managed to get to the store before it closed at fucking 00:00#and I STILL had problems#I'm gonna get a fucking ed here in this goddamn country#this is unreal to me#is everyone here completely mentally healthy#doesn't have depression or adhd or some other thing that prevents them from executing their to-do list accurately??#seems unlikely
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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i often find myself questioning reality and i'm thinking that maybe people shouldn't let their 8 year olds watch The Truman Show (1998) because it might actually create lasting psychological damage
#anyone else see The Truman Show as a kid and still catch themselves wondering if the entire world is a Set Up or nah?? 👀#like i know it's a pretty narcissistic concept to believe the entire world revolves around you lmao but i mean. the paranoia sometimes...#i genuinely 100% blame that movie for this#like i actually think that if i'd never seen that movie then i would just dilly dally on my way through life#never questioning the very fabric of my existence#...i mean realizing that christianity was bullshit might've still ended up doing a number on me#but like. HELL what if watching that movie opened my brain up to be ABLE to consider that my concept of reality (in which YAHWEH is real)#was actually bullshit. and i needed that movie in order to be able to eventually break free from the bullshit.#who knows lmao#but dear god... the other day i was driving#and i noticed that most of the cars would like. ease off the brakes jUST BEFORE the light turned green. like they KNEW.#and logically i'm like. 'that is because they are watching the cross traffic slow down and anticipating their turn.'#but Truman Syndrome Brain was like 'THEY HAVE CUES. THE DIRECTOR IS TELLING THEM TO GET READY TO GO.'#which is dumb bc if i were running a large scale program and had actors driving around i'd just tell them to follow the basic traffic rules#but ya know. the 'Truman Syndrome' or 'Truman Show Delusion' is a legit thing. there's a Wikipedia article on it. lmao#that shit done fucked some of us up :|#unreality#unreality tw#my posts#ramblings#my life is not nearly interesting enough to warrant a tv show#...but then again neither was Truman's. which was the point.
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i do think its kinda funny when i see someone in the year of our lord 2024 talk about vocal synth music like its all gone downhill since like 2010 because like dont get me wrong i love a good niconicodouga-ass 2008 ass vocaloid joint BUT also like. the past couple years have had the most fascinatingly creative and expressive uses of vocal synthesizers ive ever heard in my life DJFSKHJDFS dont write it all off just yet!!
#usually i only see that from people who havent actually listened to any vsynth music from the past 15 years so i understand why they got to#that conclusion. and also usually theyre people who didnt listen to much vsynth music in the first place LOL they just dont know#but it is still a little funny. brother there are things beyond your wildest dreams if u just look#like some personal highlights: the stuff by rinri - particularly their use of the meika girlies#dont carry our memories away is LIFECHANGING the whispers. the spoken parts. the BELTS#plus the haunting and unrelenting instrumentation. fantastic song#and naisho no pierced's propose + birthday + gift sort of trilogy of songs. gift especially has been unreal#again the dynamics of soft intimate whispers to belts but also those fuller high notes with edges of growlyness.#plus the songs just generally rock. and those LYRICS. absolutely intense like physically painful and frightening like#yearning and codependency and possession. and the tuning and production just amps it up more#OH and slave.v.v.r has been doing crazy things for even longer but i only started getting into his stuff recently and holy shit#love eater is like. the scariest vocaloid song ive ever heard not because of the lyrics. but because of the tuning#im like. scared. i cant stop listening to it. the heavy synthesized breathy main vocals and whispered harmonies plus the VOCAL FRY#i didnt realized vocaloid5? i think? has a vocal fry option built in i heard? thats crazy#but specifically in love eater the fry and growl is amped up so deep and loud and clear compared to everything else it like#emphasizes the artificiality of the voice while also amping up the expressiveness#its awesome. and on the older slave.v.v.r songs i heard i will hit you 8759632145 times with this piano. also so fucking cool#addicted to that song. 1) its a great jazzy rocky piano tune with this piano flourish at the end of each phrase that sounds fantastic#but also 2) the lyrics are insane. using kanji to write english??????#people are doing wild ass things with vocal synths rn you guys#this isnt even getting into some of the really unique synths themselves too. adachi rei is awesome i love that shes just like#the perfect inbetween of sample based and reconstruction based vocals. shes a sample based synth#but her samples were drawn by hand LOL shes like dectalks granddaughter to me.....#a really good use of adachi rei is iyowa's heat abnormal/heat anomaly/whatever its called ITS AWESOME thats what it is hjrkfdgfd#i think the fact that vocal synths can be so realistic and clean and noiseless out the gate now has made people really stop worrying#about like. realism all together and looking more into expressiveness. omg vocal synth modernist movement
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yesterday i spent 45 minutes of my life watching a video essay criticising the use of cheap shock values and crossing of taboos for a video game and i went from "he has a point even if he's explaining it in a really inflammatory way" to "oh umm... i can see how he thinks that way even if i don't agree" to "oh this guy's just straight up using people on tumblr as material for an audience to get mad at like other outdated people on the internet. nvm he's just an asshole"
#yuu rambles#it was about the coffin of andey and leyley btw - i agreed w him on the first half of the video about how it felt rather noncommittal to it#concepts and themes but i recognise its not really *trying* to be serious which means its not a reasonable#framework to judge the intention and execution of its work - an apple pie does use butter in it but just bc it does#doesnt mean you get to compare it to steak; a dish that also uses butter. this is intuitively easy to understand for me#but nonetheless it was like 3 am i had stuff to do so i just put it on my background to listen#he makes a diss at “people on tumblr” early on that i just raised my eyebrow at but shrugged it off bc its such an old joke#its lost its zinger; and im p sure its just confirmation bias from going into the tags of the thing you dont like lol if you use tumblr#normally you wouldn't come across things you dont like bc you'd have blocked them. But Anyways#then at the end he got sooo self righteous about how people on tumblr are insane and weird and showed screencaps about how twisted everyone#who likes the game are. there were some screenshots of people's post that were like “incest is bad and shouldn't be explored in media.#paragraph break‚ me who is an incest survivor and finds it helpful for working through my trauma: lol”#those types of post. but then lmfao he started going out of pocket and just mentioned the lists of other people he doesnt like which are#a screenie of a video essay about how kink is important at pride#and then some other stuff i dont remember anymore w the tumblr screenies#it was very mockingly written and said and at the end of it i felt sad i couldnt#block people on youtube lmao. like its not i dont want this guy to comment on my videos. i dont want to see his channel involuntarily#recommended to me ever again. just resorted to the most base sort of trolling behaviour he accused and judge other game devs for in his#video essay. good fucking god. the psychological projection is unreal#i dont have any strong feelings towards the game at the end of it even though i thought i would be like Eugh at first#but my bleh for any cheap gimmicks is overshadowed by my disdain for this guy's reliance on self righteous rhetoric#i discovered another new channel i really like tho after that vid!! bc i had to watch smth else to cleanse my palate lmao#they're jacob geller and freddydude! ive only seen one vid from freddydude about his essay on#detention‚ the horror game set in taiwan during the era of white terror under new cn leadership after ww2#im personally quite jumpy so his humour and the way he edits his videos to make it silly even though its Scary#made me like it a lot!! im going through jacob geller's other vids but ive watched three specific types of terror#and the one about pinocchio which made me go :00 wow his scripts are super good!#again everything at your own discretion esp w the whole james somerton shit‚ but i enjoyed what I've seen so far#i just wanted to end this in a somewhat positive note JSHDKSJDJD the ramblings Continue...#theres a pedantic error in one of ky tags but im gonna update it when im on comp bc mobile sucks smh my head
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doodled some ocs belonging to @ghoulbread!! they are so cool to me im spinning them
#3rd_phonee#styrophamm#des1742#pol4rr_xpr3z#unreality#my art#these are very simple but i wanted to get some of my thoughts on paper#i wanna do more finished things of them soon#but artblock </3#its mostly not even characters ive got to see what theyre like#but their skins captivated me#(in hindsight i might also make a monday version of the reaction image tbh)#(i can picture it in my head as well)#(though both versions might be ooc either way)#anyways hiiii ^-^ these tags are just me rambling as usual#also editing the tags before i post this to say that i REALLY dont know why i added the tophat.#i just zoned out while doodling these#and then there was a tophat on styro
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at this point i'm seriously considering getting my own evil-looking costume (maybe something with a plague doctor mask or something like that) so people leave me alone
#i can't even get food#without getting caught up in some sort of crime#it's really annoying#just let me get my cereal#i got stuff to do#i don't have time for this every time i leave the house#only in gotham#just gotham city things#unreality
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◆
— fin.
alrighty, i will be cuddling the shit out of a certain dragon after this but before that, a small bonus (read: silly doodles) because we all need therapy after all that (or at least i do) -
1:
2:
"i had a nightmare."
"but i just went to buy milk-"
/silly
3:
we both have separation anxiety now so that's that 👍🏻
#rin plays ebg#'ebg afterparty' event#ok for REAL this time things are going to return to normal lol#i hope the ebg event was enjoyable for you as it was for me hehe#i loved every second of it#altho i was in pain™️ at the same time hskfjskjdlsjdlsfj#thank you for sending all the asks and rbs and creating entire POSTS for this event#thank you for your patience and encouragements for my noob art🙈#thank you for going along with my silly whims#thank you thank you thank you thank you <3#i can't express how grateful i am to have such a supportive and amazing community and friends. it still feels so unreal to me#if you missed the event i'll post a little masterlist latr so you can go through all the post. i mean i doubt anyone would be interested bu#it's more for me myself to go back and reread the asks bc man. that was so much fun. the most fun i had in a while tbh#literally the whole time of this event i nearly neglected genshin (and work but we dont speak about that-) HAHAHAHAH#gimme a bit to do the theme changes and such!! <3#i did not expect to get soo invested. i just wanted to make a mini au thingy for the ebg and.... and somehow..... this happened.........#i'll be reblogging some stuff from other people which are related the ebg too for the next few hours lol-#feel free to tag me if you want me to see anything you made!!#should i...... post the 'alternate ending' sketch....... HMMMMM...... it's so roughly drawn tho shdlfjskljdfk#rin selfships#zhongrin
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sub zero was supposed to have a long stubble...?
#looking at concept art👍#THE SUB ZEROES LOOK SO GOOD WITH FACIAL HAIR ITS UNREAL#IM MAD THEY WENT WITH CLEAN SHAVEN NOW...#also who even is he. by all logics its bi-han. but the scar...#tho the scar is slightly different from the one kuai liang often gets. but still. scar over eye is the most defining Kuai Thing.#also I do see bi-han's mk12 model but my mind keep screaming theres some kuai liang mk11 in there#maybe the stubble is throwing me off bad but still.#god he looks so handsome here#tagging later#mortal kombat#sub zero
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What if I made this as off-putting as possible instead of romantic.
#I mean I'm very heavily leaning into the humor for this one but what if I made it funny AND creepy#then I wouldn't have to pretend I know how to write a functional relationship#(well. as functional as these two characters can be anyway.)#the problem is that most of my ideas are about analyzing relationships between characters#and some of them are fucked up with the romantic element unrealized (which is a lot easier to write because of. you know. personal history)#and some of them are about how mental illness interacts with one's relationships#but the rest of them are straight up 'how would these characters get together and build a relationship that works for them'#and I WANT to write those things because they're important to me and because I want there to be more fic for my unpopular ships#but the idea of ME trying to write something where the entire focus is people getting into a happy and relatively straightforward#relationship feels...laughable.#c2g is different because it's not like...straightforward at all? there are a lot of elements at play there.#and the characters are ALREADY together. and most of the fic really is just unpacking their psyches.#I wouldn't call it a romance fic?#but Deranged Oneshot is...probably somehow actually closer to that idea.#but like. what if it wasn't.#ugh maybe I DO post this one anonymously like I hate considering that but that might be the#only way it actually gets finished#(though. of course. I have to figure out how to get c2g finished too. because we are ALSO struggling there just#for different reasons)#mc13 writes#c2g#The Fic That's A Lot#(and others)
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Does the Mirror dimention has like an "outside"? Or is it just the house?
There is. Kind of.
If someone manages to get outside, despite the lack of outer windows and doors. they'll see. nothing.
They can stand on the edge of the driveway. looking into the dark red void in front of them, as if the house is floating mid air. They can look down. The bottom is out of view.
They could see whats down there, but jumping off doesn't seem like a good idea. Maybe it's best if they don't know.
#asks are neat#unreality#tmc home sweet home au#home (tmc)#It's like. a sea of red.#You can occasionally see things floating in the void. though I wouldn't recommend getting close to see what they are.#You don't want to accidentally lose your footing do you?#ooc: yeah uh. funky. the Other Side is funky.#We'll. get to it in detail eventually :)#Also fun fact! the vibe of the outside of the Other Side reminds me of some weird dreams I've had.
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So, because I know from being on AO3 and personal experience that there is quite a bit of overlap:
Good Omens fans, how are we all handling the fatal combination that has been Season 2 and the new Hozier album?
#good omens 2#hozier#unreal unearth#I'm definitely being so very normal about both of these things#especially at the same time#I'm totally not having a series of emotions that keep cycling#and will likely continue to do so until 2025#ok i lied im a mess#and i'm expected to work?? and exist??? as a person????#it's illegal to ask this of me under these circumstances#can anyone tell i've been browsing the ineffable divorce tag for weeks#i love the fact that so many people's immediate thought was to tag it as that#i was kinda worried i'd search for it and find almost nothing#also some clarification#i love season 2 with all my heart#including the ending#i'm an absolute fiend for angst#especially when there's an eventual happy ending#i'm just also impatient#because apparently that happy ending is going to take minimum 2 more years to be able to get into my eyes and brain#sorry for all the tags my brain is fried
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