#an hour last night because this is so emotionally draining lol

[runariya]

Crash Course in Love • 2

pairing: snowboard instructor!Jungkook x ex-gf!reader (feat. platonic OT6) genre: rom-com, Exes 2 Lovers, slow-burn, angst rating: 18+, MDNI warnings: strong language, slow burn, angst, fluff, tension, bad communication skills, jealousy, alcohol, smoking, heartbreak, lmk if I forgot smth word count: 17.3k

a/n: 19 days later and here's part 2 at last! hope you like it still and I can't wait to see your reactions lol DON’T HATE ME! LOVE YOU ALL 💕 ENJOY

a/n 2: This work is purely fictional. All characters and events are entirely imaginary and do not reflect reality. No translations are allowed without permission. Thank you for understanding! 💕

01 • masterlist • 03

Day 2

There’s something about the way you crash after a day that’s drained you not just physically but emotionally too. After your bath and after you grabbed your luggage when you were sure Jungkook wouldn’t be in his room anymore, and with your stomach still full from the Korean BBQ at Tae’s, you passed out immediately. Yoongi’s snoring didn’t bother you in the slightest—if anything, the vibrations seemed to massage your sore body through the mattress.

You feel even more lost when you wake up just after 5:30 in the morning, fully rested but with muscles still stiff. You’re not sure if Tae’s smoothie did anything or if you’d feel completely dead now without it. It’s not that you want to go back to sleep either, knowing you’ll just wake up even more tired if you try, experience showing that extra hours do more harm than good. 

Not wanting to listen to Yoongi’s ongoing snoring any longer, you carefully slip out of bed without waking him and reach for the book you brought with you. But just as you’re about to head out of the suite, you stop, eyeing Yoongi’s coat. 

Should you?

You quit smoking months ago, only started when you broke things off with Jungkook, but just thinking about everything that was said yesterday—and what’s still to come—makes you struggle. You’ll probably hate yourself for it afterwards, but still, you go back to his coat and rummage for his cigarettes and lighter. 

Realising you only brought one pair of boots, which are currently at Hope’s, and there’s no way you’re stepping out into the snow in slippers or your snowboard boots, you grab Yoongi’s spare designer boots and your snowboard jacket as well. 

It’s impressive, really, that you manage to carry everything out of the room without dropping anything, and that Yoongi stays sound asleep despite the obvious rustling of your coat as you move.

You’re thankful Namjoon kept his word about keeping the fireplace lit, not just because its warmth meets you in the corridor but also for the soft glow it casts along the way to the main area.

Pausing for a second, you can hear Yoongi still snoring through the door, along with louder, muffled snores further down the corridor, which must be Namjoon’s. And, who would’ve thought, you hear some very light snoring coming from Jungkook’s room too.

It feels like you’re walking past caves in some forgotten time, surrounded by Neanderthals who snore more to fend off predators than from sinus problems. It’s funny in a way, you reckon. That’s just how biology works, even if you and every other woman in this world are the ones who suffer through the night because of it.

As you reach the main area, of course, you can’t manage all the things you’re holding, and your book falls to the floor, the sound louder than it should be. You think it didn’t wake anyone, but you’re not sure—Jungkook might be awake, he’s always been a light sleeper, though Namjoon’s snoring is too loud now to tell.

Not bothering to pick it up, knowing you’ll drop something else if you try, you kick the book towards the couches, hoping none of the great authors are cursing you for it. The heat of the fireplace, even though it’s only simmering, pulls you to sink back into the cushions once you’ve set your things down.

The hostel feels so much cosier than by daytime, long shadows casting a warm, festive glow like Christmas morning. You almost wish you’d spent the holiday here instead of alone at home.

Just yesterday, you longed for Jungkook to be by your side, to experience this place and this town with you. But now, even though he is here, it doesn’t feel as fulfilling as you thought it would.

Obviously, he’s been here before, and even when he’s spending time with you, it’s under circumstances you wish were different. It destroys you how things are, how you’re treating each other, how much hatred he clearly has for you now, just at the sight of you.

You understand his bitterness though, understand that he probably wishes he’d never seen you again. But what can you do? It’s not like you booked this hostel on purpose, as if you orchestrated the whole thing just to run into him.

No, it’s all just a coincidence. A brutal one at that. You didn’t have time to prepare yourself, didn’t have time to think about how you’d approach him after all this time, or what you’d say.

You reckon he feels the same—blindsided, overwhelmed, hurt. And he has every reason to be. Still, it hurts so deeply, so excruciatingly, that you just want to leave and never look back. It feels like there’s no saving your relationship with Jungkook, not even the hope of being friends.

Or maybe this trip will be the closure you need. Maybe it’ll be the final heartbreak, the one that’s been dragging on for far too long, but now will come to a head and let you move on, even though deep down you don’t want to. You’re sure Jungkook was the one for you—a love once in a lifetime, the one who got away.

Tossing the book from one hand to the other, your eyes can’t help but linger on the pack of cigarettes lying on the table in front of you. It’s dumb, smoking—you know that, always have. But God, you’re broken. You’re so, so sad, it’s suffocating. And you know it won’t help.

You know smoking, like any other addiction, is just a result of loneliness. That doesn’t make it any easier to resist.

You set the book down, slip into Yoongi’s boots again, and pull on your coat, ignoring the voice in your head telling you not to backslide, not to undo months of progress. But still, you ignore that voice as much as you ignore Namjoon’s snoring, and grab the pack and lighter and stand to head outside once you’re fully clothed. 

You’d forgotten about the chime when you open the front door, pausing for a moment as if it’s trying to stop you, but you keep moving, letting the door shut behind you as the early morning greets you. 

The streets are empty, the air biting cold. But the fairy lights are still on, their glow reflecting silently off the snow and ornaments, but you can’t bring yourself to enjoy it.

Your breath fogs with every exhale as you slowly open the cigarette pack, your hands turning rosy in the cold, warmth steaming off them like dumplings.

You take one out, slip the pack into your coat pocket, and toy with the cigarette between your fingers. 

Should you?

You know you shouldn’t.

You.

Know.

But no one’s here to stop you. Who would even care? So you put it between your dry lips and light it, guarding the flame with your hand as if to stop it from dying the way your heart did.

The first drag is equal parts disgusting and relieving, and soon, your thoughts start to fade. Your chest feels lighter, despite the toxins filling it. Maybe breaking up with Jungkook was the first step towards your own downfall. Maybe it was always meant to be.

The front door opens behind you when you’re halfway through your cigarette, but you don’t turn around. There are only three options for who might join you—Yoongi, up for his first smoke of the day; Namjoon, woken by the chime and curious to see what’s going on; or Jungkook. Though you wouldn’t know why it’d be the latter.

“Smoking kills.”

“So does snowboarding,” you reply through the puff of smoke escaping your lips.

“Fair.”

Silence. You can’t bring yourself to look at Jungkook, now standing beside you, both of you staring at some distant ornament, avoiding each other’s gaze.

“What are you doing out here this early?” he asks, as if it’s not obvious.

“Thought I’d get some fresh air.”

There’s no humour in your tone, just defeat, and those few words seem to sap the last bit of energy you have. You feel like you’ve had the same effect on Jungkook—his voice is as dry as yours.

“Funny.”

You know you can’t undo all the damage between you and Jungkook, but still, you want to at least be civil.

“I’m sorry you have to be our instructor. I didn’t know.”

“Sounds like you wouldn’t have booked it if you’d known.”

You shrug. “Probably.”

“Is seeing me again really that unbearable?”

It is.

Of course it is. But only because you can’t bear seeing him having moved on. So you shrug again.

“I see.”

You take the last drag of your cigarette, drop it into the snow, and stomp it out before immediately reaching for another.

“It’s really bad for you.”

“Why do you care, Jungkook?”

“Because you—”

“Please, just let me be, Jungkook.”

It’s desperate, your plea, resigned. And when you finally lock eyes with him, it almost hurts as much as on the day you broke up with him. He looks like he’s stepped straight out of a dream, the smoke from your cigarette swirling up into the sky between you. He’s so beautiful, especially in the morning when he’s just rolled out of bed. But his hurt eyes—hurt that you caused—are something you can’t handle.

“I never did you wrong.”

His words hit like a slap, and you reckon you deserve it, deserve even more, so you let him continue, knowing he’s far from done.

“Why did you leave me?”

You can’t meet his eyes now. Not just because tears burn in the corners of both yours and his, but because you can’t bring yourself to tell him the truth—that you were never worthy of him. That you were never the one for him, not when he’s found someone like Hara, who fits him so much better. So you shrug again, trying to swallow the lump in your throat as your shaky hands lift the cigarette to your lips for another long drag, hoping he’ll think it’s just the cold affecting you, not the emotions welling up inside.

“God, ___.” You see Jungkook look up at the dark sky, rubbing his hands violently against his face and eyes in your peripheral vision. You’re not sure if it’s out of anger, frustration, or pain, and you’re not sure you want to know.

“I’m sorry,” you force out, losing the fight against your tears as they silently roll down your cheeks. Quickly, you turn around, trying to make it back inside before Jungkook notices your breakdown. 

“For leaving me, or for being with me in the first place?”

“Both.”

You don’t stop, can’t stop even if you tried. Bolting straight into the hostel, you leave your book where you placed it earlier, your only aim to escape, to get to your suite as fast as possible. Away from all you’ve done and can’t take back. 

It’s not like it’s really possible for you to get away from Jungkook, not when he’s still not only very much physically present but still consumes every thought and every space in your heart. It breaks you to see his pain, breaks you even more because you don’t know how to fix it. You’ve created a mess, of the whole situation and of your and his heart, that’s impossible to mend now.

Even if you could, the hurt has left wounds and open scars, which won’t ever heal, especially on Jungkook’s soul, and you reckon he’ll never want you back to begin with.

The door to the suite slams shut behind you, waking up Yoongi, who just turns to look at your broken self, tears still running down in waves.

“Talked to Jungkook?”

“Yes,” you sob.

“Next time, try at daytime, it’s not as emo.”

Well, thank you very much. As if that would have changed a thing. But you don’t bicker this time, knowing that somewhere in Yoongi’s words lies the truth, even if you’re not able to accept it in this moment.

Kicking off his boots and yeeting them across the room where he placed them before you took them, and letting your coat fall off your shoulders, you don’t pay attention to Yoongi’s scolding, disappearing into the bathroom to take a cleansing shower, or rather, to let all the emotions and tears out without being bothered and without being a bother to Yoongi.

It doesn’t take long before the hot water mixes with your tears and for you recognise that you need to somehow get your head straight, or get it checked, because it’s only the second day. A lot more is to come, and you’ll be regretting it if you just wave the white flag and leave. If there’s nothing else you can do, nothing that can help you heal and move on, you want to at least help Jungkook to do so.

You owe it to him, and frankly, that was the main point of why you broke up in the first place. You’ll need to forget your own hurt for the time being, answer all his questions without breaking down again, and you’ll start with that as soon as you’re out of the shower.

“Hurry up! I need to take a piss!”

You’re glad you had half a mind to lock the door, but still, the banging of Yoongi’s fist disturbs you so much, you won’t be able to neither cry nor think in peace.

“Ten more minutes!”

“I’ll piss on your pillow! Open the fucking door!”

Ew. Sighing, you rinse the rest of your shampoo out, hurrying to at least wrap a towel around yourself before unlocking the door. You’re not able to push the handle down because Yoongi bolts inside, ripping his pants down and immediately starting to empty his bladder.

“Ew, gross!”

“Next time, your pillow, ___,” Yoongi sighs, but you’ve already fled the scene. As relatives, you’re close, yes, but not that close.

Nonetheless, you’re thankful for this distraction, even if it just helped you not be dragged further into the blue.

Hearing Yoongi close and lock the bathroom door and turning on the shower does the rest as you now stand fully dressed, with dripping wet hair, in the middle of the suite.

You know there’s no way he’ll open that door back up again, even if you’d knock as violently as he did just now. He simply doesn’t give a fuck. So you see no other option but to get some breakfast with wet hair, knowing there’s not much time left before you’re back on the slopes, or rather the beginner’s hill.

The corridor is empty again, though you hear some chatter from Namjoon and Jungkook down the way. Taking a very deep breath, you try to school your face into happiness, or at least neutrality.

You find both with Jimin in the dining area, the latter unpacking his bread and some pastries onto the table.

“Good morning,” you try to sound as cheerful as possible, but as you lock eyes with Jungkook, you know he notices the red rim around your eyes.

“Hey! Look what I’ve got for you.” Jimin practically explodes with happiness as he gets a see-through box of macarons out of his paper bag.

“No way! Jimin, that wasn’t necessary! Thank you!” You can’t help the genuine smile that spreads across your face, hands eagerly grabbing for them as you unbox them against your stomach, too occupied to even sit down.

“But I wanted to. I’ve never seen someone so obsessed with these.” Jimin laughs his beautiful laugh at your already stuffed smile, as Namjoon just smirks, and Jungkook, well…Jungkook just seems odd.

“Here, at least sit down.” Namjoon offers you the chair beside him, and to be honest, you’d much rather sit somewhere else than face Jungkook, but there’s nothing you can do.

You don’t thank Namjoon this time when he pushes the chair for you to sit down, too embarrassed by your chewing. You shouldn’t have put two macarons in your mouth at once.

“Coffee?”

“Yes, please.”

Jungkook stays silent throughout it all, just watching you, especially watching Namjoon carefully, while you avoid eye contact. Jimin, on the other hand, can’t keep his eyes from flickering between you and Jungkook with a broad smile, as if he senses something’s wrong. He takes the last empty chair at the small table and sits between you and Jungkook.

“Black, so you’re not overdosed.” Namjoon places your coffee in front of you as his eyes also flick to Jungkook, and you’re not sure what’s happening right now.

“Hold up, hold up, I’ve got my favourite with me. Just for you, ___. You liked it the first time, right?” Jimin pulls out a cup of iced Americano from his bag, this time in a fitting container, but you can’t seem to understand why he’d bring you this when, despite you loving it, it hurts you just as much and he knows it. 

“You know,” Jimin continues with a glint in his eyes that not only makes you uneasy, but clearly Jungkook as well, the latter looking two seconds away from punching Jimin square in the face. “It’s called ‘Only Love’. Right, C? You created it.”

Ah, that makes a lot of sense now. What doesn’t make sense is you choking on the macaron. You should have put two and two together, to be honest, should have seen the connection the moment Jungkook appeared in front of you with everyone in this forsaken town being friends with him, but frankly, you didn’t.

You haven’t been thinking clearly for years, and you reckon it has something to do with Yoongi, who, even though he’s the only constant in your life now, is equal parts disturbing and unable to help you balance your emotions. Not that it’s his job, but being a bit less insufferable would be nice and a welcome change.

Jimin’s still holding the cup towards you, for longer than would feel just friendly, but now you see all the evil clearly. You don’t really know what to do, especially when you look at Jungkook and see him more pissed than you’ve ever seen before. Should you even take it?

“I… I think I’ll stick to black. Not that I really overdose on sugar or anything.” You stammer, wanting the earth to swallow you up rather than this shit morning continuing into a day full of hatred towards you.

Jungkook just scoffs at that, and you’re sure you hear him mutter “of fucking course, perfect timing” just as Yoongi enters the dining room.

“Morning,” Yoongi mumbles, and right as he’s about to sit at another table, Jimin places the Americano in front of you and gets up.

“No, please, sit down. I was just about to leave.”

Jungkook attempts to call Jimin out on his bullshit, but shuts his mouth in an instant when Yoongi claps Jimin on the back and sits down between you both. Turning to Namjoon, he’s still very much smirking as if he’s figured out the whole situation with you and Jungkook, especially when both his legs nudge yours and his, as if daring you both to say something.

“Bye!” Jimin sings as he’s out of the room before anyone can even breathe.

“You forgot your phone in our room.” Yoongi grumbles, stealing some macarons from you as if they were M&M’s, and preparing his plate. “A coffee please.”

“Black?” Namjoon’s grin spreads across his whole face as he gets up to fetch Yoongi’s order, because, dear lord, it wasn’t a kindly meant request.

“You got it.”

As if the morning hadn’t already strangled your emotions enough, your blood’s now boiling because Yoongi couldn’t just bring your stupid phone with him as if that would have been the greatest task in the world. But somehow, seeing Jungkook’s mood crash even more, you’re glad to have a moment to escape the scene, hoping that when you return, it won’t be with police tape around the place.

You don’t have the faintest idea what’s up with him. It’s not like he’s just mad at you—although you know he definitely is. Hell, you’d be mad at yourself if you were him. But something else must’ve happened, something that’s got him this wound up, not only at the sight of you and Yoongi, but his friends too.

It’s no surprise to find your phone where Yoongi said it would be, and seeing it now, face down, you’re beyond thankful he didn’t just hand it to you in front of everyone.

You just want to grab it quickly and shove it into the tight pocket of your leggings, thinking it’s lying on the info sheet from Namjoon, when Yoongi’s handwriting catches your attention. Black ink, neatly written down for all time:

‘Future’s gonna be okay.’

It soothes and breaks your heart all at once, especially when you spot a teeny tiny black heart too. Yoongi might argue it’s just a splatter from the pen, but you know better. Being close to your cousin is a rollercoaster in every imaginable way, but it’s worth it. Because he cares. Because he’ll understand, even if he doesn’t always show it the way you need.

Taking a very, very deep, steadying breath, you leave the note where it is, knowing you’ll definitely need it when you come back tonight, after what will surely be a wonderful day with Jungkook. You just hope you survive it.

Snowboarding doesn’t even scare you as much as Jungkook does. But you steel yourself not to panic, not to freak out about how clueless you are. Time will tell. Future’s gonna be okay.

And with that thought, you head back to the others, wanting something more substantial in your stomach than sugary sweets.

“Odd?”

“Yeah, odd,” Jungkook growls, and you stop short before entering the room again.

“I think I’m treating her just right for who she is to me,” Yoongi laughs, and you can hear the mischief in his voice, full of shit and in full wind-up mode.

There’s no way you’re really letting this turn into a crime scene, so you march into the room, eyes boring into the back of Yoongi’s head, knowing he’ll feel it.

Thankfully, no one says anything, but the looks speak volumes. Jungkook’s glaring daggers at you, Namjoon’s got that worried, torn look like a parent watching their toddler near the stairs, and Yoongi’s just…amused.

Frankly, your appetite’s vanished, and you don’t want to risk sitting down and getting dragged into whatever mess you’re missing today.

“When do we leave?” You ask Jungkook directly, using a tired, fed-up tone you haven’t dared yet.

It seems to do the trick, sobering everyone up as they take their last bites and gulps of coffee, getting ready to move.

Namjoon, ever the sweetheart, hands you the americano, and this time, you’re grateful for it. Screw the memories—you need caffeine to get through this day. A shot of something stronger in it might’ve been better, but alas.

“Thanks, Joon.”

That, of course, earns you a dirty look from Jungkook and an amused one from Yoongi.

“I’ll just grab my stuff real quick.”

“Yeah, we’re waiting in our slippers,” Yoongi says drily, overtaking Jungkook by the door, who looks at you like he can’t believe this is happening.

You ignore them both, turning to Namjoon to escape the drama, but only stumble into another one instead.

“So he’s your ex.”

You groan, shoulders slumping along with your coffee, exasperated as you realise Namjoon’s got you alone.

“Kinda obvious.”

“It is. Some other things are obvious too.”

You give him a long stare, the kind of stare you’ve perfected from hours of silent contests with Jungkook, but Namjoon, who’s obviously used to this too, isn’t fazed the slightest.

“Spill.”

“You’re both adults. Talk.”

Yeah, like it’s that simple. Sit down, have a rational, level-headed chat with Jungkook? Not likely.

“Thanks for breakfast. I’m out.”

You throw a peace sign over your shoulder, knowing you’re not getting anything more out of him, whether he’s right or wrong.

Being civil with Jungkook would be step one before you could even dream of a productive conversation. But based on how this breakfast is going, hell, the whole stay up until now, it’s clear that ‘civil’ is something you’ll never be when it comes to Jungkook. 

“Here.” Yoongi’s brought you your boots and gear, and the reason is instantly clear when Jungkook reappears, glaring at Yoongi like he’s about to snap.

“Could you both please be civil? I’d like to enjoy this holiday,” you snap, so utterly fed up, wishing you could put them both in time-out.

“Sorry,” Yoongi and Jungkook mumble in unison, but the looks they exchange right after make the apology feel pointless.

Even though you’re still struggling way more than you should with these snowboard boots—which surely came straight out of hell just to make your life that little bit more difficult—you still don’t let anyone help you. Not Jungkook, who stopped moving towards you after you shot him an evil glare, and not Yoongi, who suffered the same fate.

Eventually, you manage, somehow. And when you’re ready to go, the three of you grab your snowboards, which are leaning against the wall near the fireplace. It’s not easy to carry yours on your own, especially when the sharp edge cuts into your gloved palm and your other hand is occupied with your Americano. The bindings are digging into your forearm with their stupid weight distribution, but there’s no way you’re going to drag it any other way. Not when you’re not willing to sacrifice your caffeine—that’s just not happening in any lifetime of yours.

Yoongi, for once, is chivalrous enough to open the door for you, but you can’t really appreciate it like you would under normal circumstances. Your nerves are running thin—so thin you’re half-tempted to just smash the chime to dust with your snowboard to shut it up yourself. But you’re not strong enough, and with your luck, Jungkook—who’s walking right behind you—would probably end up on the receiving end of your terrible aim.

No one says a word during the entire walk to the hill, which, now that you think about it, feels worse than all the snide remarks. It’s not like fighting—or going straight for each other’s throats��is the best solution, but this simmering tension isn’t much better either. And you reckon it’s only a matter of time before someone goes off like a bloody nuclear bomb.

Though the real question is, who?

You’d love nothing more than to get inside Jungkook’s head, to take a peek at whatever thoughts are running through his pretty head and figure out why he’s been acting like this—irrational around others, but all sentimental when it’s just the two of you. It’s starting to seriously grate on your nerves.

Seeing that he wants to talk about everything that went down between you both is something you never thought would happen. But his approach? Not ideal. There’s no way you’re having a deep conversation with him before the day has even properly started, and definitely not in the middle of the street. And you’d much rather not have this conversation with others around too, thank you very much.

But the thing is, you’re still not sure if you want to be alone with him. What if your resolve to be all mature and talk like adults crumbles the second he looks at you with those sad eyes again? What if he’s just looking for answers so he can have the closure you know you’ll never get?

The thought feels selfish in every possible way. It disgusts you too, but you’re only human, not some robot who can function without feeling, without knowing what love or losing it is.

You let out a loud sigh, no longer able to bear the weight of the world—or the burning gaze of Jungkook boring into your back. 

“S’up?” Yoongi nudges you causing you to sway, the heavy drag of your boots not helping either. 

“Just enjoying the fresh air.” You bullshit, stepping right up the snow at the base of the beginners hill. 

“The only thing getting fresh air are my middle ears. Fucking feel the inflammation building.”

You’re sure Jungkook hadn’t intended to snort at Yoongi’s remark, but even he can’t seem to resist the humour in the nonsense that sometimes escapes Yoongi’s mouth.

“Some air gonna knock you out?” you tease, trying to nudge Yoongi back, though you fail miserably.

Thankfully, Jungkook’s quick enough to steady you with a free hand before you face-plant into the snow, which is far from the fluffy stuff it was yesterday—now hard as stone.

“You know you’re old when air’s hurting you, ___. You’ll understand when you’re my age.”

You hope that‘ll not be true. 

“Alright,” Jungkook claps once, and you and Yoongi fall into line in front of him after setting your boards and coffee aside. “Yesterday we covered most of the snowboarding theory. Three important things. What are they?”

Silence.

“Awareness, balance, control.”

It’s clear Jungkook’s waiting for something, and after a few agonising moments of just staring at each other, it clicks. He wants you to repeat what he said.

“Awareness,” you start, but Yoongi either hasn’t caught on or really doesn’t care, but you give him a nudge, and eventually, the two of you echo back Jungkook’s words.

“Awareness, balance, control.”

“Right, now, while we’re at it—let’s talk a bit more theory. After awareness, balance, and control, it’s all about anticipation. You can’t just react to things at the last minute, yeah? You’ve got to anticipate the changes. Know what’s coming. Whether it’s an obstacle in your path, a turn, or… someone doing something you didn’t expect.”

“For fuck’s sake, Jungkook! Man up and say it to my face if you’ve got something to say!”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“Fuck you did! And you—shut your fucking mouth!” You jab your gloved finger at Yoongi, who stops laughing immediately.

You’re not sure what’s gotten into Jungkook to act so irrational again, but whatever it is, you’ve had enough. Either he stays professional during the lesson, or you’re out. This kind of treatment—whatever you did to him or not—isn’t something you’ll tolerate. Not from him, not from anyone.

Jungkook seems to realise his mistake, or maybe he just doesn’t have the guts to confront you directly about what’s been bothering him. You reckon after all these years, he still hasn’t learned how to communicate properly. Then again, you’re not exactly great at that either.

“How about you stick to teaching during the course and stay in your lane? How about I can at least enjoy this for a few hours?”

Jungkook just nods, not the least approving, and if it weren’t for Yoongi placing a hand on your heaving shoulder and sucking his teeth, you might’ve lunged at Jungkook and strangled him right then and there.

“Right, well, before we get onto the boards, we need to warm up. Can’t have you both pulling muscles before you even touch the snow properly.”

“Please, no running,” Yoongi mutters under his breath.

“No, no running. First up, let’s stretch. Loosen up those muscles. Very important. Otherwise, you might… strain yourself. And trust me, some people,” he side-eyes you, “have a habit of rushing into things without getting properly prepared or listening to what the other person has to say.”

You grit your teeth. Oh, you’re so ready to kill him. If looks could kill, both you and Jungkook would be dead by now. “What the fuck is your problem?” you seethe dangerously low. 

“So, what are we doing first? Jumping jacks? Star jumps?” Yoongi asks sarcastically, more to defuse the situation than out of any real interest in actually participating in this course.

“No, mate. We’re not at boot camp. Just a simple warm-up to start. Arms, legs, get the blood flowing.” Jungkook begins rolling his shoulders and doing some arm circles. “Follow me. Arms out, nice and wide. Slow circles. Loosen up your shoulders. You need a good range of movement, especially when you’re… navigating tricky situations.”

You and Yoongi do your best to follow along, despite the thick jackets. Opting to be the bigger person here, you do your best to ignore Jungkook’s pointed glances and the occasional gust of cold air grazing your stomach whenever you raise your arms too high.

“Good. Now, bend forward, touch your toes—well, try to. Don’t force it. Some people are naturally more flexible than others, but hey, no rush.”

Throughout the whole stretching exercises, you keep your mouth shut, knowing that playing into his madness wouldn’t do either of you any good. You just can’t process it all at this point. And how could you?

Since the moment you stepped foot into this stupid little town, you haven’t had a minute to think. Especially not after Jungkook entered your life again. You’re jealous of all the people out there who can adapt to every moment, who aren’t as utterly pathetic at handling things as you are.

It must be genetics, because, dear lord, you’ve never been good at handling tricky situations, but the ones involving your ex are on another level. You can tell yourself to be cool and collected as much as you want, but at the end of the day, Jungkook will always trigger you.

And if it’s not with his passive-aggressive remarks, it’s with his broken sadness.

“Perfect. Let’s move on then. Before we get into the snowboards, I’ll just have to adjust your bindings real quick, and then we’ll start. For that, I’ll need to see which foot of yours is the dominant one.”

Jungkook walks silently behind you both, looking down at the snow with a slight frown on his lips while you follow his movements with your eyes.

“I’ll start with you, Yoongi. Relax your stance, I’ll push you from behind. Don’t think too much, just catch yourself, yeah?”

Jungkook’s now standing directly behind Yoongi, and as he raises his hand and places it on Yoongi’s back, right between his shoulder blades, your gut twists, fearing Jungkook might push him too hard, letting his anger out because he can’t restrain himself.

But to your relief, Jungkook pushes Yoongi ever so lightly, causing the older man to take a step forward, landing on his right foot.

“Right foot back, your stance is regular.” Jungkook just nods to himself, moving on to stand behind you now. “Your turn, ___. Again, just relax, don’t overthink it. I’ll push you now.”

How can you stay relaxed when Jungkook’s now directly behind you, when you not only feel the weight of his hand on your back but imagine you can feel the warmth of it too? It nearly leaves you gasping, not used to Jungkook touching you anymore.

“Relax,” Jungkook mutters ever so softly, causing your shoulders to drop as you take a deep breath, willing yourself to block him out as best you can.

The push is gentle, and while you take a step forward out of reflex, it’s the same reflex that misses his hand on your back.

“Left is your dominant foot, so goofy’s your stance.”

“Goofy?!”

It sounds offensive. Does it sound offensive? Because both Yoongi and Jungkook look at you, puzzled by your outburst.

Wasn’t that another jab?

“Yeah, it’s called goofy,” Jungkook says, Yoongi nodding as if to tell you to calm down.

“Oh. Okay.”

Jungkook pulls a tiny toolbox from the inner pocket of his jacket while you follow Yoongi, who’s picking up his board. He takes Yoongi’s snowboard first, placing it on his bent knee and unscrewing the first binding.

“Forefoot 18 degrees, back foot 7 degrees,” Yoongi mutters, not the least bit mocking. 

You’re not sure why Yoongi has a preference, but Jungkook doesn’t seem to question it, just nodding and adjusting Yoongi’s bindings to his liking.

When it’s your turn, Jungkook still doesn’t say anything as he takes the board from your hands, and while the adjustments look just the same as Yoongi’s to you, it’s clear both men see the difference as Yoongi interjects, “Fix the left one a bit more outwards, it’ll give her more control.”

Jungkook looks up at that, not angered, not ready to snap, as his eyes flit briefly to you before he eventually just nods and does as Yoongi suggested. Maybe not playing into Jungkook’s remarks earlier was the right course of action, seeing that even though it’s still awkward between you three, it’s more civil than it was before.

Jungkook stuffs his toolbox back into his pocket and turns to grab his own snowboard. As he straps his right foot into the binding, he calls out, “Fasten your front foot onto the board. We’re practising gliding.”

Yoongi does as instructed without a hitch, but you’re struggling a bit. The straps keep getting in the way, making it impossible to secure your foot properly.

Without a word, Jungkook hops over, dragging his board behind him, and quickly fastens the bindings for you.

“Thanks,” you mutter, but he doesn’t meet your eyes, just nods before heading back in front of you both.

“So, it’s simple. Push yourself forward with your free foot, step on the board, and glide for as long as you can. It’ll help you get a feel for the board. And remember—where you look is where you go. Look down, you’ll fall. Look forward, and you’ll be fine as long as your balance is decent.”

Jungkook demonstrates the glide with ease, while Yoongi follows suit right after, looking like he’s done this before, making it seem like a breeze. 

Alright, how hard can it be?

Turns out, pretty damn hard. As soon as you try, your arms flail like mad, desperately trying to regain balance. You stumble forward, managing to catch yourself at the last second, but not before the board lifts off the ground and slams right into your calf.

“Ouch!”

It hurts like hell, and you’re certain a bruise is already forming.

“Take it slow, no rush,” Jungkook says, not even glancing back.

You try a few more times, and while it feels like you’re going to lose a leg by the end of the day, you’re slowly getting the hang of it.

Yoongi’s already finished, standing beside Jungkook and watching you like some proud parent their child who’s learning to swim. You don’t mind though—better that than getting frustrated watching him nail everything effortlessly.

“That’s great, let’s move up the hill and practise side slipping. It’s like a lazy way to snowboard, but it’s useful.”

Dragging yourself up the hill feels like a workout in itself with your board still clasped onto your foot, your calf still throbbing from earlier.

“First things first,” Jungkook’s bending down to his board, “strap your other foot in as well. You want to be on your heel edge or your toe edge. We’ll start with heels, ‘cause if you start on your toes and mess up, you’ll just end up pissed off.”

Once again, Jungkook demonstrates the technique, and once again, Yoongi seems to pick it up straight away. Meanwhile, you’re down on your ass every other minute, frustration building but refusing to quit just yet. Jungkook lets you keep at it until you’ve finally got the hang of it, while Yoongi again just stands there with him, chatting the day away, apparently needing no extra practice.

“Why doesn’t he have to practise?” you yell down the hill.

“Because he doesn’t need to.”

You’re fuming, but deep down you know Jungkook’s right. Still, Yoongi’s supposed to be doing this with you, not just standing there like a supervisor. The anger helps though, because as you slide down the hill again, it’s smooth and controlled—and you feel damn proud of yourself.

“Alright, next exercise. We’re going to slide down on your toe edge now. Flip over so you’re facing up the hill, with your toes digging into the snow.”

You’re already panting from the climb back up the hill, but there’s no rest in sight. Jungkook leaves his board behind as you drag yourself up again, determined to finish this.

“Now,” Jungkook says, “bend your knees, lean forward slightly—like you’re bowing to a king. Lift your heels off the snow, so you’re balanced on your toes. And don’t panic if it feels weird at first. Yoongi, can you please demonstrate?”

“Sure,” Yoongi says, nailing the move effortlessly.

You can’t figure out why Yoongi’s suddenly Jungkook’s little helper, or why Jungkook’s board is still down the hill, but you focus on trying to imitate Yoongi’s technique. You get into position, dig your toes in, but the next second, you slip, barely catching yourself before faceplanting into the snow.

Jungkook’s by your side in seconds, pulling you up by the arms. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” you pant, swallowing the panic that’s rising in your chest. But your grip on his arms gives away just how terrified you are.

“Come on, I’ll help you.”

Jungkook’s hands slide down your arms until he’s holding your hands securely, but just as quickly, he lets go. You immediately lose your balance, nearly falling backwards as your whole life flashes before your eyes.

“Shit!” His hands grab you at the last second, keeping you from toppling over.

“Don’t just let go like that!”

“Why are your gloves this wet?”

You don’t have time to defend yourself against Jungkook’s scolding as he abruptly forces his leg between yours, angling his heel between the snow and your board to keep you in place and balance. 

The proximity to Jungkook has an instant effect on you. Your brain shuts down, and though your blood is rushing through your veins at an overwhelming speed, it somehow calms you down just the same.

Being this close to him, not only seeing him but feeling all of his body pressed against yours, mixed with his intoxicating scent, makes you never want to let go of him again.

“Hold onto me,” he murmurs softly, the closeness making it unnecessary to speak any louder than a breath.

You can’t help yourself, staring at his face, even though he’s avoiding eye contact as he removes your gloves, letting them fall silently behind him. You reckon he hasn’t changed much—just a few piercings and some faint lines caused by age now marking his otherwise mesmerising face. But still, he’s the same.

The same lashes framing his big eyes, the same kissable lips now a bit cracked from the cold, the same glowing skin with that faint scar on his cheek.

It throws you back in time but also makes you ache for all the time spent apart. It’s impossible to feel resentment for the harsh things he’s said, impossible to feel anything but the deep love you still have for him. It’s impossible to look away, even though he isn’t meeting your gaze, busy tugging off his gloves with his teeth.

When his hand reaches for yours, wrapping them in the warmth of his own gloves, you feel like you might break right then and there. You’ve been a fool for pushing him away, for ending things in the first place, when he’s always been this good to you—even now, after all these years.

When Jungkook finally finishes and his eyes meet yours for the first time, you don’t dare breathe, even if you physically could. It’s like the heartbreak never happened, healed by the closeness of two hearts that know they can only beat as one.

You see it in his eyes, like you always could back then, that he feels it too—or at least something close to what you feel.

“I never meant to hurt you,” you manage to say, your voice breaking ever so faintly, with a slight sheen of tears coating your eyes.

“I know,” Jungkook smiles ever so softly, as if he’s always known, as if he understands. But still, he steps back, leaving you cold and longing again, only holding your hands just firmly enough to help you keep your balance. “Try again, toes in the snow, knees bent.”

You swallow the hurt down, knowing you’ve got no right to feel this way, and with Jungkook’s help, you slide down the hill. You succeed, but as soon as you reach the base, Jungkook steps back completely, walking over to Yoongi while instructing, “Try again now on your own.”

And you do. Multiple times until you master it as best you can, all while you know you’re being watched by the two most important men in your life.

Lunch is spent in a tiny fast-food restaurant nearby, just because you’re so hungry you can’t wait ages for a proper meal. Jungkook excuses himself to take a phone call, and you notice a picture of Hara on his screen, though you weren’t fast enough to see whose name was at the top, or if it’s his lock screen or Hara’s contact picture.

“Why are you so good at snowboarding?” you try to sound angry, though your mouth is stuffed, hoping Yoongi can still make sense of the words.

“I’ve been snowboarding before.”

“You what?” You swallow the bite forcefully, needing space to articulate the insults he deserves. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why am I paying for a crash course for you?”

“I didn’t thi—”

“Why the fuck have I paid for and rented your gear?!”

Yoongi goes silent, eating his meal like he’s bored, giving you time to yell at him some more before he speaks. But you don’t, just widen your eyes and shake your head to emphasise how livid you are.

“I didn’t think you’d want to come alone.”

“That’s such a shit excuse, Yoongs. You should have at least paid for yourself. Fucking parasite.”

“Yo, show some respect. You said you’d pay for everything. It’s not like I forced you.”

“Forced me?! You wouldn’t have come otherwise!”

“I can still hang in our suite and leave you alone with Mr. Leaf-in-the-wind.”

“That’s rude.”

“It’s true, and you know it.”

He’s kinda right. But you can see where Jungkook’s coming from, somehow understand why he’s acting the way he does.

You sigh at that, leaning back with another mouthful of food, knowing you should really work on your manners. “You’re not leaving me alone with him. No way.”

“If you say so.”

You startle slightly when Jungkook slides into the seat beside you, hoping he didn’t catch any of what was said while he was gone. And even though you’re dying to know who was calling, you’d rather strip bare in the middle of the restaurant than ask, not wanting to look like some jealous, controlling ex-girlfriend.

“Hara called,” you fucking knew it. “Said Namjoon’s arranged dinner at Jin’s.”

You and Yoongi just hum, though you reckon you’re the only one finding it rude. But who can blame you? You are jealous, you are a fucking control freak, and Jungkook looking the way he does definitely doesn’t help.

You hadn’t noticed before, thanks to his oversized clothes, just how buff he’s become. But seeing him now, his upper body hugged by thermal gear so tight it might as well be see-through, makes you even pettier than you already were at the mention of Hara. And how could you not be?

Clearly, he’s been working out more since you split. Maybe you were holding him back from getting in shape too. It’s funny—you always thought Jungkook peaked while he was with you, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

You force the rest of your meal down in silence, occasionally glancing up at Jungkook and Yoongi, who are doing the same. It’s not like you want this silence to linger, but you don’t know what to say, and neither do they.

It’s slightly bothering you that both men were comfortable enough to chat the whole morning away while you were busy trying not to face-plant into the snow, and now can’t seem to say a single word with you around. Maybe you were the problem all along. 

Ugh, you hate having those thoughts again, especially since you’ve made such progress with your self-esteem recently, and now it’s crashing back down, spiralling like something you can’t escape.

When everyone’s finally finished, you pack up your things and step back outside into the cold, hoping the rest of the day goes by as civilly as the last few hours have been. 

Hours later, you’re spent. So utterly spent you’re sure you won’t make it to Jin’s without falling asleep midway through. Like Snow White, you want to lie down and sleep, and for no one to kiss you awake. Though, if you think about it, Jungkook would make a formidable prince.

Stop. You can’t think like this, you won’t allow such homewrecker thoughts. Not when things went well after lunch and there’s hope you can talk shit out.

After finally managing to learn how to take turns on that snowboard straight out of hell, and now being able to proudly say you can get down the beginners’ hill without breaking a single bone, you feel more accomplished than you ever have. Still, you hate snowboarding, and still won’t be doing it again once the two weeks are up.

“Why aren’t we eating at the hostel?”

You didn’t mean to say it out loud, not with Namjoon walking right beside you, and it might come off as though you’re calling him out for saying he’d be your chef during the trip, but hasn’t cooked a single thing for you yet. Namjoon’s blush only deepens your regret, though he takes it in stride.

“Well…uhm…I just thought that—”

“He can’t cook to save his life.” Jungkook interrupts Namjoon’s clear attempt to save face, and you’d never expected to see such a smug look on Jungkook’s face while throwing his friend under the bus.

“Oh, that’s cute. Plenty of women like to cook for their man.” You nudge Namjoon, hoping it’ll ease the tension just a little.

“Ah, I don’t know about that.”

“Did you watch the game?” Jungkook asks, louder than necessary, slowing his pace so he falls in beside Namjoon, forcing you to step aside to avoid colliding with his stupid back. 

The glare he sends your way matches your own, and you’re sure you can read in his eyes that he wants you to back off from his friend. You barely register what Namjoon and Yoongi are talking about, something vivid about an epic basketball game, too caught up in a silent conversation with Jungkook about what his problem is—and yours. But it’s like you’re out of sync, all questions missed, and answers elusive throughout the whole short walk to Jin’s. 

You hadn’t expected Jin’s to be such a lavish restaurant. Despite having the same rustic feel as the rest of the town, there’s a touch of poshness that makes it more enchanting than any other place you’ve been.

Jungkook wastes no time after stepping inside behind you, passing you to get to the bar where Hara and Hope are perched. Sadly, or maybe thankfully, you don’t see how he greets them, as a man steps into your view, broad shoulders blocking everything else.

“Welcome! I’m Jin! You must be ___.”

Jin practically squeezes you to death with his hug, your sore muscles protesting at how tight he holds you. You can’t hold back your laugh, not only because his greeting is the warmest you’ve ever received, but because you know the moment he lets go of you, he’ll do the same to Yoongi.

“Thanks for having us, Jin,” you squeak, tapping his back in hopes it’ll make him release you.

“Oh please, I’m so thrilled to finally meet you both.” Jin beams down at you before turning to throw himself at Yoongi, just as you predicted. “Yoongi, hi!”

“Please let go of me.” But Jin doesn’t listen, and you think he squeezes your grumpy cousin even tighter than before until he finally lets him go too.

“I’ve prepared a whole course for you three. I know Jungkook can be a bit demanding with his food, so I’ll make sure you’re well fed.”

Jin guides you to a table near the bar, and like the little control freak you are, you opt for the chair that gives you a view of the whole restaurant, including the bar. You don’t have a great view of Jungkook and Hara, though, as Namjoon is standing perfectly in front of them, but you think you see Hara leaning against Jungkook.

It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, twisting the knife of jealousy oh-so-slowly in your gut. You’re not sure how Jungkook could have found someone new so quickly, especially after telling you over and over again that you were the love of his life. Maybe it was just heartbreak that drove him to find solace in someone else. Maybe it’s just a hungry heart wanting to be fed with a fraction of love.

But you don’t want to assume that Hara’s love for him can’t compete with yours. Even though a part of you is certain that what you felt—and still feel—for him is beyond anything humanly possible. And even if her love for him is pure, yours will always outshine hers. Or maybe that’s just the green-eyed monster talking, infecting your thoughts.

But so be it. There’s nothing left to lose after you lost Jungkook, after you lost yourself, not just during your relationship with him, but in so much more.

Jin takes your drink order, and while at first you thought a Diet Coke would be nice after today, you opt for a whole bottle of wine. Not to share. Oh no, it’s entirely for yourself, because if you’re going to spend the evening witnessing Jungkook with his new flame, you’re definitely not doing it sober.

“You look jealous.”

“You don’t say.”

“Talk to him.”

“About what, Yoongs?” you snap as quietly as possible, fingers digging into the tablecloth to stop yourself from losing it. “How he’s fucking that model? Or how easy it was for him to move on?”

“That would be a start.”

“You’re ridiculous. Now shut up, they’re coming over.”

It’s not like you want to stare, but seeing Jungkook so at ease with Hara makes your stomach turn. And why Yoongi had to sit opposite you, leaving no other option but for Hara and Jungkook to sit on either side of you, is something you’ll never forgive him for.

“Hey!” Hara greets you both so warmly that you regret bashing her in your thoughts. Even if she’s Jungkook’s girlfriend, she’s always been nice to you.

“Hey, how have you been?”

Jin takes this moment to bring over a tray full of drinks. Yoongi has a beer, Hara a glass of water like Jungkook—yuck—and he sets the whole bottle of wine with a fitting glass in front of you. You should feel embarrassed, but you really don’t.

“You want some too?” you ask Hara out of politeness, knowing Jungkook never drinks during the week, as you pour yourself a generous first glass of your survival drink, wanting nothing more than to down it all before dinner starts.

“Oh no, thank you! I’m pregnant.”

The bottle’s still in your hand, but the glass is already at your lips with a hearty sip in your mouth, which you promptly snort back into the glass. You’re not sure if the tears springing to your eyes are just from the wine burning your sinuses and uncontrollably coughs or from your heart crumbling into dust at this revelation.

Jungkook—bless the tiny space you still occupy in his heart—is at your side in seconds, helping you recover from the near-death experience, but his touch feels scolding now.

Scolding in a way that makes you think back to all the times he said he wanted to be a dad, to all the times he fucked you raw and let his kink give you the best orgasms of your life. And eventually, you have to force yourself not to picture it—how he found all of that with Hara.

“Congratulations!” you manage to force out after everyone’s back in their seats and a bit of quiet has settled.

“Thank you! We’re all so happy, right?” Hara caresses her stomach, beaming at Jungkook, who looks just as thrilled as she does.

“Yeah! It’s going to have a wonderful mother.”

“Duh.” She laughs, sipping her water while you drown your glass, smiling and nodding as if you couldn’t agree more.

You don’t recall much of the conversations during dinner, don’t remember the sweet lies you told to hide how broken you are. But when Jungkook and Hara disappear into the kitchen after the meal, you grab Yoongi from his chair and drag him towards the door.

“Bye! Thanks for dinner!” you call to Namjoon and Hope, who look confused, but you’re too tipsy to care. Too tipsy to make out what Jin says to you as he rushes out of the kitchen, while you stumble outside.

“What was that?” Yoongi pulls his arm out of your grasp, hating it when you’re like this.

But you can’t hold it together anymore, alcohol always making you sad, emotional, and sentimental. Maybe it was the last straw—time to let Jungkook go, though him being so wound up this morning still nags at your mind.

“I’ve changed my mind.” You start walking towards the hostel, hearing Yoongi following, the snow crunching under your feet. “You’re free to do whatever you want.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

Yes, you are. You need to end this limbo once and for all.

“I need answers, and I won’t get any if I’m not alone with Jungkook.”

Day 3

Maybe opting to spend the day alone with Jungkook wasn’t the best idea you’ve had. Not that it isn’t necessary to finally get the answers that have been piling up, but you’re not sure how to ask him without it turning into an interrogation.

Facing Jungkook first thing this morning would’ve been too much too, especially since you’ve barely had time to process the pregnancy bomb Hara dropped on you. So, sneaking out of the hostel it is.

You regret not stopping by Hope’s to grab your winter boots, but with no other option, you head out in full snowboarding gear, aiming to grab breakfast at Jimin’s.

What you didn’t expect was to spot Hara in the pastry shop as you stand outside, staring longingly at the treats like a starving kid. You can’t face her right now, so you quickly turn and decide to head anywhere else but here or the hostel, hoping there’s another bakery somewhere in town.

But of course, in your bulky snowboarding gear, you’re not exactly inconspicuous, looking more like an oversized ball of dark fabric against the snow. Naturally, Jimin spots you straight away, waving you in like you originally planned.

And of course, Hara notices too, her soft eyes and glowing smile radiating warmth as she waves at you.

Forcing a smile, you head to the entrance and with one deep breath, step into the lion’s den, thinking breakfast spent with Jungkook would have been the better option. 

“Morning, ___!”

“Hey Hara. Jimin.”

You’re still a bit pissed at Jimin for being a little shit yesterday, stirring the pot between you and Jungkook for no reason. But seeing him now, friendly and without the evil glint in his eyes, tempers your anger just a bit.

“The usual?”

“I didn’t know I had one,” you laugh, now standing beside Hara, who’s practically pressed up against the glass display of sweets. It’s kind of cute, and you reckon the pregnancy hormones are hitting her hard, especially this early in the morning.

“I’d die for a coffee,” she mumbles, fogging up the glass and quickly wiping it clear again to not spoil her view.

Jimin’s back is to both of you, already busy with the coffee machine. “I could make you a decaf.”

“No, I read somewhere that decaf isn’t really decaf. And while nursing, caffeine stays in the baby’s system for up to three days. I don’t even want to think about how long it stays in their system when they’re still in the womb.”

“Oh, that’s wild. I didn’t know that.” You’re genuinely shocked by the news, and a little concerned for any women who don’t know either.

“Yeah.” Hara sighs, fogging the glass up again and immediately wiping it clean.

Why Jimin’s not serving Hara first and is making your coffee instead is beyond you, but you don’t say anything. Maybe she can’t decide what to eat just yet, or there’s something she’s avoiding. Either way, you don’t want to end up as the town’s biggest grouch.

“Aren’t you warm?” Hara asks, glancing at you, though her gaze keeps drifting back to the sweets.

“Yeah.” You stammer a little, awkwardly taking off your coat, walking back to the door to hang it up on the rack, which has been bodged together again. You realise quickly that Namjoon or Jimin clearly aren’t cut out for DIY which is definitely a pass.

“Something to eat?”

“Yes,” you and Hara answer in unison, though hers is more of a relieved sigh, making you giggle as you make your way to the table you sat at some days ago.

“What’ll it be then?”

“How about a bit of everything as an apology?” you tease, unable to let his mischief slide like you probably should.

“Touche.”

“What did he do again?” Hara’s now sitting beside you, both of you watching Jimin as he diligently piles treats onto a massive plate. A brief flicker of guilt runs through you as you think about the way you’ve been eating lately, except for that one perfect meal at Jin’s. But you’re only here for a few days, so you might as well make the most of it. There’s no way you’re saying no to all this food, especially when Jimin owes you more than that.

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Mhm, sure,” you smirk, crossing your arms as you exchange glances with Hara, who’s clearly curious and ready for some gossip, even if it’s at your expense.

She looks stunning in the soft morning light filtering through the window, her thick black hair falling in loose waves like she’s fresh from a blowout. Maybe it’s just good genes, because her skin is flawless—no makeup, no blemishes, no dark circles.

Maybe, in another life, she could’ve been a friend. But there’s no way you could ever be close to someone who’s got the man you love.

“Oh, come on, it wasn’t that bad.”

“What did he do?” Hara’s leaning forward now, elbows on the table, hands framing her perfect face as she eagerly looks between you and Jimin, clearly hooked on your tea. 

“He’s been a little shit, stirring trouble.”

“I just brought you your favourite,” Jimin grins innocently, making his way to the table. But you can clearly see the mischievous glint in his eyes again, and before you know it, he’s setting down the dreaded americano in front of you. Hara’s already grabbed a macaron, barely waiting for the plate to touch the table.

“What’s so bad—” Hara starts,  talking through a mouthful of food in a way only you could relate to, but Jimin cuts her off. 

“She’s his ex.”

Hara’s reaction is immediate—she starts choking on her pastry, and you flash back to last night when you nearly drowned yourself with wine. You’re unsure what to do, hesitating with your hands hovering over her, worried about whether patting a pregnant woman on the back is safe as your panic rises. Luckily, Jimin sprints behind the counter, grabs a bottle of water, and leaps back over to hand it to her.

Thankfully, Hara recovers quickly, and your heart slows down as you see she’s alright.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?!”

That’s…not the reaction you were expecting.

“If you’d just checked the group chat, you’d know.”

“Wait, you have a group chat where you talk about me?!”

“Not important.” Hara waves you off with a hand, though the growing smile on her face makes the gesture anything but rude. She pulls out her phone and starts scrolling through missed messages, clearly catching up on something you’re not privy to.

You try to sneak a glance at her screen, but she leans away, blocking your view. Instead, you watch her face as she scrolls—at first, there are little giggles, but soon her expression sours into a full-on pout.

What the hell are they texting about you? Isn’t that illegal or something?

“Why?” she whines, looking at Jimin while your confusion just deepens.

“Dunno. Ask Namjoon.” 

“Namjoon?” The name slips out before you can stop yourself. It doesn’t make any sense for him to be involved in this.

Hara lets out an exasperated sigh, sinking into her seat like she already knows the answer Namjoon would give but is too drained to accept it. “Ugh, no way.”

You clear your throat, hoping to redirect the conversation, though the frustration is building. “Namjoon?”

“Yeah, Namjoon. Now eat before it gets cold.”

“Your pastries are cold,” you shoot back, but Jimin just waves it off.

“See? Now eat.” And with that, he disappears through the door leading to the back, leaving you stewing. You hate him for this—stirring up chaos and then vanishing as if he didn’t cause it in the first place. 

Hara, meanwhile, seems lost in her thoughts, again eating, one hand’s wrapped around a croissant, the other clutches a muffin. How she manages to look like she’s stepped straight out of a commercial is beyond you, and somehow it fits that Jungkook would be with someone like her.

You hesitate, not daring to nudge her. You’ve never spent much time around pregnant women—how fragile are they, really? Better safe than sorry.

“Namjoon?” you ask again, more gently this time.

Her eyes flick up to yours, as if she momentarily forgot where she was. There’s no defensiveness in her gaze, only a soft apology. She places the muffin down and reaches out to touch your arm after wiping it clean on her sweater, her hand gentle and comforting like a mother consoling a child. She’s really going to make a great mum.

“I’m sorry, love. I can’t tell you.”

Surprisingly, it doesn’t make you angry. You should be furious, with how cryptic everyone’s being, and especially with how inconsistent Jungkook’s been treating you lately. But you can see the sincerity in Hara’s face. She really is sorry, and somehow, that makes it harder to be mad. She’s just…lovable in all the ways you’re sure you never could be.

So you just nod, defeated, and finally start eating your breakfast as well. Thinking about all the conversations you could have with Hara right now makes deciding which one you’d actually want to have not that easy. 

Asking about her pregnancy could be a start, maybe how far along she is since she’s not showing yet. It would be a question asked just for the sake of it, to get to know her a bit better. Because quite frankly, even if you checked Jungkook’s or her social media to confirm if he was in town and might be the father of Hara’s child, it wouldn’t really help. The evidence wouldn’t be enough, seeing as he’d apparently be in Hawaii now if you took socials as proof.

Asking her how her relationship with Jungkook is? Not an option. Why would you willingly want to hear anything about their intimacy? Definite no.

Her childhood? Pass.

Her job? Don’t care.

Whether she has pets? Hmm, that would be nice to know. You love animals, regardless of their owner, so that’s where you settle.

This time though, you swallow the bite of food before speaking to Hara, who’s managed to eat half of the huge plate sitting before you both while you were lost in thought. Just as you part your lips, inhaling enough air to ask your first personal question, she freezes mid-bite with a half-eaten cinnamon roll in hand, her eyes wide.

“Oh no…” she breathes, mortified, cradling her stomach as she drops the roll and bolts towards the nearby toilet, gagging.

To your dismay, she doesn’t close the door behind her, and you can hear her throwing up everything she’s eaten so far, which sets off your own stomach. You start gagging too, barely able to stand, hating this reaction you’ve had since childhood whenever someone’s vomiting or even gagging near you.

You need to leave. Now. So you call out a quick “sorry” and “bye” with your hand over your mouth, grab your coat while passing the sad excuse of a fixed coat rack and rush outside. You’re not even fazed by the freezing cold, just relieved to be as far away from the sound of vomiting as possible.

Seeing no other option than to go back to the hostel and get your snowboard, you try to calm yourself as much as you can. It’s finally time to face Jungkook alone, how you’ll manage, you don’t know—but you’ll figure it out as you go.

When you enter the hostel, Jungkook’s already standing in full gear in the main area, turning his head from the hallway leading to the rooms when the chime signals your arrival. He looks confused for a moment, but as you approach your snowboard, you try not to let his presence faze you.

Though you fail miserably when your voice embarrassingly cracks. “Good morning.”

Jungkook still has the same effect on you. Anytime your eyes catch even a glimpse of him, whether in person or just a pixelated picture on the internet, he takes your breath away and makes you flustered all over again. It’s not like it’s something new—he’s had that effect on you ever since the first time you saw him, when he was tapping on your car window, asking if you needed help as you were clearly having a breakdown because you couldn’t, for the life of you, park in the narrow side street.

“Morning. Where’s your other half?” Jungkook’s voice turns slightly bitter, but as you look at him, you can tell he’s more irritated with himself than anything.

“He’s not coming.”

Jungkook raises an eyebrow in question, walking towards the door to leave for the hill.

“He doesn’t need it. It’s just us. Or should we cancel the lesson altogether?” You grin at him as you walk beside each other, playful but secretly hoping for a way out that won’t involve you breaking a bone today.

“No, ‘s fine.” You think you catch a small smile tugging at Jungkook’s lips, but he quickly pulls his scarf up over his mouth, hiding it.

“Did you sleep well?”

You mull over his question, wondering if whining about being awake most of the night because of Yoongi’s snoring, which could probably warrant a sleep clinic appointment, and your own relentless overthinking about Hara’s pregnancy and Jungkook’s involvement, warranting an appointment with a psychologist, would be a good idea. But you decide against it. Not just because you don’t want to confront him yet, but because voicing a lie to explain why a whole bottle of wine didn’t lull you to sleep doesn’t cross your mind quickly enough.

“Perfectly. And you?”

“Yeah, though the beds are a bit too soft. You like them though, right?”

Nostalgia hits you like a snow storm—the fact that Jungkook still remembers such trivial details about you.

“Yeah, I even brought my snuggly,” you giggle, knowing he’ll definitely remember that as well. 

What you didn’t consider is that the exact pillow you’ve been cradling every night since you got it was a gift from Jungkook himself. When his eyes snap to you, wide with recognition, searching your face to make sure he heard you right, you realise you’ve said too much.

He doesn’t ask any follow-up questions. In fact, he doesn’t say anything, and you’re too caught up in your head to even attempt small talk. How could you, with Jungkook? The two of you have never been like this, never awkward. You were always at ease, immediately friends, then more, and eventually…nothing at all.

It’s only when you reach the dreaded hill, with Jungkook stepping in front of you like the instructor he is—and how you should be seeing him right now—, that you try to bottle up everything, telling yourself you’ll bring it up later, maybe over lunch. It’s already late morning, so it won’t be too long until you get the answers you’re desperate for.

“So, today we’ll be snowboarding for real,” he starts, but it’s so much softer than when Yoongi was with you. There’s a gentleness in his tone now, something quieter, like he’s trying to ease you into it rather than push. “But before we lift up and go down the slopes, I want you to get a feel for gliding with a bit of speed.”

Yeah, no. He’s not easing, he’s definitely pushing you. You don’t like where this is going.

“First with a rope, then we’ll use the hill a few times, and hopefully before lunch we’ll make our first descent down the blue slope.”

“Blue?”

“It’s the easiest one. I’ll explain it in detail once we’re up there.” He points with his thumb over his shoulder.

Following the direction, you notice multiple skiers and snowboarders already dashing down the slopes. You’re pretty sure you hear someone scream right before they fall, snow exploding around them like flour hitting the ground. You gulp dryly, but you nod all the same.

When Jungkook pulls a cut-off lift cord from his jacket, you’re equal parts terrified and impressed by how much he carries around without you noticing.

“Clip yourself in, please,” he instructs as he unwraps the cord, walking towards you with both ends in hand.

Of course, you do as he says, but you can’t help glancing warily at the cord, still unsure of exactly what he’s got planned.

Shifting awkwardly on your snowboard, trying not to fall while Jungkook messes with the lift cord, you try to ignore the racing of your heart as Jungkook’s gloved hands tug gently around your body to secure it. But all your attempts to focus on anything other than how natural it feels for him to be helping you again, are futile at their best. 

„You ready?“ He’s got this grin on his face, one you recognise too well—the kind that usually means he’s about to do something reckless or ridiculous. It’s the same grin he had that time he convinced you to build a fort out of every cushion in his apartment, just because and why not.

“Not even a little bit,” you admit, but still, you’ve never been able to say no to that grin. Snowboarding is definitely not something you ever thought you’d be doing, yet, here you are, letting your ex teach you. It’s awkward as it sounds, except…it’s not.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you. I’m gonna start pulling now. Just relax, yeah?” he grins, his voice carrying that casual, teasing tone that makes your heart ache just a little bit too much. Swallowing hard, you adjust your stance, trying to keep your balance as he gets into position.

“Relax? You’re literally going to run while pulling me. How am I supposed to relax?” you shoot back, giving him a look. Your knees feel wobbly just thinking about it, and you’re not even moving yet.

He chuckles, his eyes crinkling ever so lovingly at the edges. “Trust me, you’ll be fine. Just focus on staying straight and let me do the hard part.”

You shake your head, but deep down, you do trust him. You always have, even when you probably shouldn’t. Like that time he tried to teach you how to ride a bike after you told him you hadn’t been on one since you were a kid. He’d run alongside you, holding the seat, laughing the whole time while you screamed about how you were going to crash. And yeah, you did crash. But he was right there to catch you before you hit the ground.

“Okay, here we go!” Jungkook calls out suddenly, interrupting your thoughts. He grabs the lift cord a bit tighter, gives it a little tug, and then he’s off—actually sprinting through the snow, pulling you behind him like some kind of sled dog.

The board jerks beneath you as you’re dragged forward, and for a split second, you think you’re about to eat snow. But you don’t. Somehow, you manage to keep your balance, your legs flexing to stay upright as you glide over the snow. You can’t help it—you let out a yelp of surprise, half-laughing, half-shrieking, as Jungkook keeps running ahead of you, turning to look over his shoulder with a huge grin on his face, sparkling eyes, and a nose red from the cold.

“See? You’re doing it!” he shouts, his voice breathless but excited, clearly proud of you just for managing not to fall.

“Don’t distract me!” you yell back, laughing now despite yourself. The rush of the cold air against your face and the ridiculousness of the situation sends a burst of adrenaline through you, and for a moment, you actually feel like you’re snowboarding. Well, sort of. „I’m going to crash!“

„Nah, I’d never let you crash!“

You look up at that and he still looks annoyingly good, like he’s stepped out of a high-end winter sports ad. You wonder if he’s thinking about the past too—about the warmth you’d felt on those lazy Sunday mornings when you’d wake up next to him, the two of you tangled in blankets, sharing groggy laughter and sleepy conversation before starting the day.

Why did it have to end? That thought keeps creeping up, even though you tell yourself not to think about it. You weren’t right for each other, or maybe you were, but just not at the right time maybe. But there are still these little moments that get you. Moments like now, when he’s right in front of you, close enough but still far away.

Jungkook slows down a little, but his grip on the cord stays secure, guiding you as you slide behind him. It’s strangely easy, being pulled along like this. You’re not focused on your feet or the board or the fear of falling—you’re just…moving because of Jungkook. Making you remember all those rare times you’d dance around the kitchen with him guiding you in his sturdy arms, not caring if you looked ridiculous or if you were stepping on each other’s socked feet. Back when everything was uncomplicated, and just being with him made you happy.

“You’re not even trying to steer!” Jungkook calls out, teasing, his breath visible in the cold air. He looks over his shoulder again, his hair bouncing slightly as he jogs, and there’s something playful and secure in his eyes—something that makes you remember why you fell for him in the first place.

“I’m trying! Let me life!” you protest, though your voice is shaky from laughing too hard. It’s ridiculous, this whole thing, but you’re actually having fun.

“Alright, I’m gonna let go now,” Jungkook warns, slowing down even more. “Get ready to stop.”

You brace yourself, bending your knees just a bit more, trying to remember everything he told you over the last two days about controlling the board. But before you can do much more than panic slightly, he releases the cord, and you glide forward, the board still carrying you for a few more feet before coming to a slow, wobbly stop right in front of him, your snowboard between his legs.

You stand there for a moment, catching your breath, and when you turn your head up to look from Jungkook’s chest to his face, there’s nothing less than a satisfied smile on his lips.

“See? Told you it’d be fun,” he smiles, like this whole thing was a walk in the park for you. Honestly, it probably would be for him. He’s always been annoyingly good at making things look easy.

“Fun? I almost fell like ten times!” you exaggerate, but you’re still smiling. You can’t help it. It’s hard not to smile when you’re around him, even now, years later. 

Slightly out of breath, he gives you that boyish grin that makes you swoon even more. “But you didn’t. And you were laughing, which means you were having fun.”

You want to argue with him, to say that just because you were laughing doesn’t mean you weren’t terrified, but the truth is, you did have fun. More fun than you’ve had in a while, actually.

“Okay, fine. Maybe it wasn’t that bad,” you admit, brushing some snow off your gloves. “But I still don’t know what I’m doing.”

“That’s the point. You don’t have to know what you’re doing. You just have to let yourself try.”

You stare at him for a second, trying to decide if he’s talking about snowboarding or —again—something else entirely. It’s funny how easily he slips back into your life like this when you’re alone and forget about the world, making you laugh, making you feel like things aren’t as complicated as they really are. It reminds you of all those little moments you had together—when you’d stay up late, talking about nothing in particular, just enjoying the sound of each other’s voice or binge-watching shows that neither of you were really that into but refused to stop watching because you both needed to see how ridiculous the plot would get. Or, even, those lazy afternoons spent cooking together, fumbling through recipes neither of you knew how to make, laughing at each other when you messed up.

Those days were safe, easy. And even though it’s over, you miss that ease sometimes—the way he’d make you laugh without trying, the way he’d look at you during the quiet moments when he didn’t think you were paying attention.

Jungkook steps back and bends down to pick up the cord again, glancing up at you with that familiar mischievous glint in his eyes. “Wanna go again?”

You sigh dramatically, though you’re already nodding. “I guess I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

He laughs, and the sound of it is oh so wonderfully warm. “Nope. You’re stuck with me.”

As he starts pulling the cord again, you feel that rush of excitement building in your chest, the same way it used to whenever he’d suggest something spontaneous or ridiculously dangerous. It’s easy to forget everything else when you’re with him—how things ended, how you’re supposed to be moving on. But for now, in this exact moment, with him pulling you along like old times, you let yourself enjoy it. 

Because quite frankly, as soon as you have the talk with him, you’re sure there won’t be any of these shared moments anymore. Ignoring the ticking countdown inside your head is everything you’re willing to do for now, you’re not quite ready to let go of the ease that obviously can still exist between you, fragile as it may be. 

Some time later, after you’ve been gliding—no, really snowboarding—down the hill a few times, you’re sitting on top of it with Jungkook beside you. Both of you are clipping yourselves in, facing the lift where you’re about to head up for your first proper descent.

“People are already off to lunch, so the lift’s going to be pretty empty. Try to stop right behind me, I’ve got the ticket for you.”

“Okay.” you hesitate, but maybe it’s the perfect time to clear some of your questions. “Uh, before we start, could you tell me what you’ve all been saying about me in the group chat?”

“What?”

“Yeah, like, what you’ve been talking about me. About us.”

Jungkook looks completely confused, muttering, “We don’t talk about you there,” but he pulls his phone from his pocket regardless, unlocking it and heading straight to the group chat. “What the fuck?!”

“What is it?”

You try to peer at his phone, but the sun’s too bright for you to make anything out.

“They’ve removed me from the chat.”

Frowning at his phone, Jungkook quickly types out a flurry of messages to all his friends, each one filled with the same curse words and passive-aggressive tone. But when you see him typing to Hara, it’s just a politely phrased question, before he puts his phone away and turns to you with apologetic eyes.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s going on with—”

“Jungkook!”

You turn towards the chirpy voice calling out, spotting two snowboarders decked out in pink, gliding effortlessly towards you. Their gear isn’t baggy, snugly fitting and showing off their slender physiques.

“Who’s that?” you mutter to yourself, still transfixed by how effortlessly they come to a stop in front of you. You think you hear Jungkook mumble something like no clue.

Both girls remove their scarves and protective goggles, revealing not only perfect features but also flawless makeup—more suited for a night out than a day on the slopes.

“Hey,” Jungkook greets them, confusion evident in his tone.

“It’s so dope to see you again! Right, Minji? Best instructor in the world.”

Both giggle, and you notice Jungkook shifting uncomfortably. Did he sleep with them? They look so young, he wouldn’t have…right?

“Oh, thanks. Minji and…uh…”

“Sora!” She winks at him, still ignoring your presence. “It’s been, what? Two years? We’ve grown up now, right?”

“The Cho cousins! Of course! Wow, you really have grown up!” Jungkook smiles now, no longer bothered by the obvious flirting, though your mood sours the longer the girls stare at him.

“You remember,” Minji breathes, looking at him like a lovesick puppy.

“You want to grab lunch with us? Catch up a bit?”

“We were just about to—” you start, but Sora interrupts you with a pout.

“Pretty please?”

“Are your parents with you?” Jungkook asks.

“No, just us.”

Jungkook turns to look at you, and you school your expression into neutrality.

“We could have lunch now and then—”

“Yeah, the lesson’s over for today,” you say flatly, unclipping your feet from your board and getting up immediately. “See you later.”

You’re not proud of how you’ve handled it, but you’re done. You’ve wasted the whole morning without getting any answers, and now there’s another issue you wouldn’t have wanted.

“Wait!” Jungkook calls after you, but you’re already at the base, not looking back as you head straight to the hostel, hoping Yoongi had the sense and decency to finally grab your stuff from Hope’s.

Hearing Jungkook trying to catch up with you gives you that extra boost, despite your muscles aching, pushing you to increase your pace. It’s pretty embarrassing how you’re practically fleeing from him, but you’re pissed, and you’re petty, and he knows it too. Jungkook definitely still knows how to handle you when you’re like this, but right now, you just can’t.

Luckily, he doesn’t speed up, and you make it to the hostel first, stumbling inside. Everyone, literally everyone, is scattered around the main area as if they’re plotting something you’re not in on. They all fall silent the moment you burst through the door, with a few empty takeout boxes on the table and Jimin holding a clipboard and pen.

“Uh, hello?” you ask carefully.

That seems to break their trance as everyone starts blinking and moving again. Yoongi gets up with a takeout box in hand and walks over to you.

“Want some takeout?” He’s being too nice, and the way his eyes shift over his shoulder to Namjoon and Hope does anything but ease your nerves.

“What’s going on here?”

No one answers. Jin even starts whistling while cleaning his nails, which earns him a swift kick to the shin from Hara, who’s sitting between him and Tae.

“Just getting things ready for tonight,” Namjoon finally says, though you can see in his eyes that he’s straight-up bullshitting you.

You don’t have time to push for answers as Jungkook bursts through the door too, looking just as confused. “What’s going on?”

“Preparations,” everyone except you says in unison, making them seem even more suspicious than they already are.

“Why are you back so soon?” Hara tries to distract, smiling as she glances between you and Jungkook.

That’s your cue to leave though. You’re not dealing with this today. “Thanks for the takeout, I’m off for a shower. Bye~.”

And with that, you grab the takeout box from Yoongi, swap it with your snowboard, and stomp off in your snow-covered boots towards your suite. Locking yourself inside, you decide to spend the day on some much-needed self-care before you have to face the party tonight.

Because finally having the time to think—or rather, not to think—and just get back to your inner zen, maybe even start acting a bit more rationally, is exactly what you need. You’re just relieved that everyone, even Yoongi, has left you alone throughout the whole afternoon, only briefly interrupting you so he could get ready for the evening as well.

You’re not sure why you opted for the clothes you’re currently wearing, feeling ridiculously overdressed for this town, but at the same time underdressed for the weather. Still, you won’t let every other woman around you push you into their shadows, knowing there’s a spotlight for you too, even though you barely take it.

If Jungkook’s the visual type, which you know for a fact he is, then you’ll damn well show him what he’s missing. Not just to give him a mental middle finger, but also for you to feel at least a bit more adequate.

Maybe there’ll be someone at the party who’ll appreciate your appearance, someone who isn’t familiar with your past or your sorry attempt at being something you’re simply not. Maybe tonight’s all about getting answers and a change, closing the book written by Jungkook.

Grabbing your small purse, you stuff your phone into it, pulling on your boots, which don’t quite match your outfit, but leaving with heels would be a death sentence with the snow-covered streets. It’ll have to do, especially when you’re hoping that Jin’s place is dimly lit, so no one notices your footwear anyway.

When you enter the main area, Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jungkook are already waiting for you, the latter two stunned silent as they take you in. It makes you blush, though you hope your makeup stays true to its claims and doesn’t let the pink show through.

Jungkook’s decked out in all black again, his fitted jeans straining against those massive thighs you’ve always had a weakness for. You think you spot a silver chain peeking out from his collar—it looks familiar, but you’re not entirely sure. You reckon it might be a new one; time has definitely passed, and it would be odd if he were still wearing jewellery gifted by his petty ex who dumped him.

“Finally,” Yoongi breathes, standing up from the couch with a clap to his knees.

Jungkook throws him an evil eye, though you chalk it up to his general hostility towards him rather than any real annoyance at the semi-rude comment about how long you took to get ready.

“You look beautiful,” Namjoon smiles, that dimpled smile of his, walking beside you as you head out to the party.

“Thanks, Namjoon, I like your hair.” You compliment him back, noticing the effort he’s put in as well, his hair now gelled back, showing off his forehead.

You’re glad Jungkook doesn’t butt in again, though the silent simmering isn’t much better. It’s kind of childish how he’s acting—not that you’re any better—but still, it grates on your nerves. At this point, though, you’re not even sure talking to him would help, considering how loaded everything is between you two, you reckon there might not be a way back to normalcy. Not that you know what normal would look like with Jungkook. 

When you finally reach Jin’s, you’re pleasantly surprised by how it’s transformed—not just because the whole town’s there, but because the decorations are on point. Multiple mistletoe hang from the ceiling, with glittery ornaments reflecting the fairy lights, making the whole place feel more like a Christmas nightclub than the posh restaurant it was just yesterday.

You spot Hope, Hara, and Tae right away, deep in conversation in front of a makeshift stage, where several microphones and instruments are set up. Jungkook and Namjoon are swarmed within seconds by women swooning over them like starved cougars which annoys you just a bit more than usual. 

It’s too much for you again—you can’t stand to watch—so you grab Yoongi’s hand and drag him to the bar, needing to drown a shot glass, even if it ends up filled with your tears by the end of the night.

“Hey!” Jin greets you from behind the bar, shaking up a drink for an older lady perched on a barstool, who looks like a cross between a crazy rich Asian and a fashion icon. You’re sure to see Jimin’s hair flopping at the other end of the bar, probably helping out in serving drinks tonight. 

“Yo, Jin, what’s up?” Yoongi daps him up, and you sit down, swirling slightly while deciding what you’ll drink tonight.

“What can I get you?”

“A beer for me and…”

“A shot of vodka and a glass of wine, please.”

“Going hard tonight?” Jin laughs, but he prepares your drinks without much judgement.

“It’s a party, isn’t it?”

“Of course. Enjoy yourselves,” he winks, setting down the drinks before heading off to serve another customer.

“You planning on getting smashed?” Yoongi asks, right before taking his first sip.

“Maybe. We’ll see.”

“Just talk to him.”

You give him a silent glare, throwing your head back as the vodka disappears before you know it. When you get home, you’ll definitely need to cut back on the alcohol—it’s gotten out of hand, and you know it.

“Maybe you don’t want answers.“

„Maybe.“ 

„You coming over?” Yoongi nods towards the group of friends, Jungkook standing with them next to Hara but with his eyes locked on you, watching intensely as you turn.

You can’t look away, not when he’s hypnotising you the way only he can, making you feel exposed to the core, even from across the room.

“No, I’ll come over in a bit.”

“Suit yourself.”

And with that, Yoongi’s gone, pushing through the crowd while you turn back to the bar, watching Jin and Jimin work, taking gulps of wine one after the other, just as soon as you set the glass down.

You can’t help but take occasional peeks over your shoulder at the others, always laughing and having a good time. But every time, Jungkook’s eyes are already locked on you, refusing to look away even when you catch him staring. His confidence is bold, and he’s never been shy about it—or anything, really—which only stirs the fire inside you, the one only he could ever ignite.

After your second glass of wine, your mind wanders to fantasies that can only come true in your dreams. What if he’s not with Hara? If he’s not the baby daddy? Would there still be a chance for you? Would you be enough?

What if you are? What if everything goes back to how it once was? Would you be happy? Of course you would, how could you not. Even the toughest days spent with Jungkook aren’t as hard as being without him. You’d take fighting with him over being apart from him any day.

But the fact that you’ve been sitting here for what feels like hours, and no one has even attempted to make a move on you, destroys your pride even more. Maybe you’re just not desirable enough, and Jungkook, being the peak of human perfection, would see it that way too.

When he joins you at the bar after some time, you don’t even need to look to know it’s Jungkook standing beside you, leaning on the counter—his unique fragrance mixed with his scent gives him away instantly.

“A whiskey, please,” he calls over the music to the barman, Jimin and Jin by now replaced by two unfamiliar faces.

“Didn’t know you drink during the week.”

Jungkook’s jaw ticks ever so slightly, his head hanging low as his fringe hides his eyes.

“Can’t I enjoy myself too?”

“Go ahead, enjoy yourself as much as you like.” You can’t help the bitter tone in your voice, hoping he didn’t catch it, but Jungkook noticed.

When he’s handed his drink, he turns to you, and you can’t help but take him in. It’s instinct at this point, letting your eyes shamelessly stray over his build and features, though he’s just the same.

“You look like you’re doing just fine without me.” Ouch.

“Maybe you do too.” You try to safe face.

There’s silence now as Jungkook takes a sip of his whiskey, his darkened eyes flickering over your face as if trying to make sense of you.

But eventually, he just shakes his head. “Having to learn how to live without you is a lesson I never wanted to learn.”

He’s gone as quickly as he appeared, and you’re left alone again. You can’t spend the whole evening like a fucking loner at the bar, so you order another glass, and once it’s handed to you, you get up and head towards the others.

Just like the rest of the night, they’re loudly chatting and laughing away, now joined by Jin, who’s massaging Hara’s shoulders, and Jimin, who’s clearly annoying the hell out of Yoongi.

“___!” Tae shouts over the heads of the others, bulldozing towards you as you stand beside Jungkook, throwing himself over your shoulders.

The hug mends your broken heart just a little, and you regret not coming over sooner, realising you were once again stuck in your head, missing out on the easy fun that was waiting for you.

“Tae, hi!” You feel a bit of wetness on your back, probably from the drink Tae’s holding, but you don’t let it bother you, knowing it’ll dry in no time with the heat surrounding you.

“You left so quickly this morning,” Hara pouts, and guilt washes over you instantly.

“Yeah, sorry, I’ve got a sensitive stomach and…well, you know…”

“Oh, I’m sorry!”

“No, it’s fine! Nothing you could’ve done,” you laugh, trying to brush off the awkwardness.

The chatter picks up again, and you’re relieved no one mentions you keeping your distance until now. Everyone seems pretty laid back, happy to let people take space if they need it. Well, everyone except Jungkook, who’s stepped a little away from you and closer to Hara.

It stings a bit—well, a lot—but you try to keep the tight-lipped smile intact, tuning into the conversations around you over the music.

“You ready?” Jin grins over Hara’s head at Jungkook, who shifts uncomfortably.

“Do I have to?”

“Course you do! It’s tradition at this point,” Hope laughs, and even though you have no idea what they’re talking about, his bright laughter makes you giggle too.

Jungkook still looks unsure, but when Hara nudges him, leaning away from Jin to whisper something in his ear while squeezing his bicep, he nods and hands his drink to Jimin, prompting cheers from everyone but you and Yoongi.

“What the fuck?” Yoongi mouths at you, and you just shrug, just as clueless.

“Here goes nothing,” Jungkook mutters, and as he and Jin make their way to the stage—Tae giving them both a hard slap on the ass—your own nerves start to flare up.

Hara stands right beside you, pulling you into a side hug. “I’m so proud of him.”

You don’t bother asking why; your question will be answered any minute now.

“Hello everyone! Thanks for coming tonight! And like every year, let’s kick off the real party with our babystarcandy!” Jin shouts into the mic, tossing paper hearts into the air as Jungkook grabs a guitar from the side, slinging the strap over his shoulder and stepping up to the mic Jin just left.

The room erupts into the loudest cheers you’ve ever heard, with Hara screeching the loudest. Jungkook glances at her bashfully with a small smirk.

“Hey, everyone.”

More deafening cheers follow, and you swear you see a black bra flying through the air towards the stage, though you’re not sure—your alcohol-hazed vision could be playing tricks on you at this point. 

“What do you want to hear first?” Jungkook’s smooth voice reverberates through the room, and you realise he’s made for the stage. You’ve never seen him like this before.

The crowd shouts random song titles you’ve never heard before, but the loudest—and from Hara—is a request for a song called ‘Guillotine,’ one you’ve too never heard of. Jungkook locks eyes with her again and simply nods with cheeks dusted pink and a small smile.

“Alright, this one’s for someone special.”

As the first chords flow from his guitar, his tattooed fingers gliding effortlessly over the strings, eyes closed as if he’s pouring his soul into the song, the entire room falls silent.

“Sleep on me, feel the rhythm in my chest, just breathe.”

You gulp, not just because his voice is beautiful beyond words, but because when you glance at Hara, you see her with glassy eyes, softly mouthing the lyrics. You feel yourself starting to break. The words rain down on you, pulling you under, making it hard to breathe without gasping.

“I will stay, so the lantern in your heart won’t fade.”

This can’t be happening. It really can’t. Jungkook’s found the true love of his life, and it’s not you. You were never meant to be—just a prototype, an example for the perfect candidate, but only a candidate. 

It’s her.

Tears well up in your eyes, though for entirely different reasons than Hara, who’s now curled into Jin’s side, still singing along, cheering for Jungkook, who keeps glancing in her direction with that same soft smirk.

“I know that you love me, love me, even if I lose my head.”

And as the whole room joins in, singing, clapping, and cheering, you silently crash. Splintering into a thousand pieces, never to be put back together. Your wine glass slips from your hand and shatters on the floor, but the sound is drowned out by Jungkook’s guitar. Still, Yoongi and Namjoon notice. They see you gasping for air, breaking, spiralling, and finally turning to flee from the hell that you’re forced to see.

You push through the crowd, head down, trying to block out the sound of Jungkook’s voice, but it’s everywhere, even as you burst outside and run towards the hostel. It’s still there, screaming in your head, with no way to drown it out.

01 • masterlist • 03

a/n 3: lmk what you think in any way you like! 👀 If you liked what you read, pls consider buying me a ☕️ Ko-fi.com/runariya 💕

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[queen-rainy-love]

So sorry for not sending in anything last week! I got super busy-

Anyway, hi! It’s Digi-anon!!

The Secrets of Clover - Part 6 :0

I actually had to search up Dark Enchantresses family member, because I forgot the name-

Third course of our Angst Meal! (I think)

-

Matcha Cookie (correct me if I’m wrong) examines Clover, who was slowly waking up. She’s curious as to why his powers got a more destructive end to them, and why they were so hard to control. What was different with him than the others? (I know little to nothing about Matcha Cookie, so I’ll leave the rest of this interaction up to you!)

Meanwhile..

The purelily family is searching for Clover, when they decide to go back to the spot where he was taken. They find his lute there, and the grass around it was very wilted. It was as if the lute could no longer store any of the energy, which is why is got progressively harder to control..

-

And I’ll leave it there! This part is mostly up to you, as I really only have a general concept for what’s going to happen at this point lol

Have a great rest of your day/night!! -Digianon/Salt

Third angst meal! (Don't worry about last week, I was super busy too. Also, congrats on figuring out who I wrote at the end!)

On to the story!

*The scene picks up right back at Dark Enchantress glaring at Matcha as the older Cookie walked up to the lightly awakened Clover.*

Matcha: My, he he. *circles around him* What a power. I've never seen a power this strong in decades, he he. Not only that, *places a hand on Clover's head before pulling back quickly.* a power this emotionally driven, he he. Maybe...he he he. Since he was baked before your own powers, I don't know where it comes from but...maybe...he he he he!

Dark Enchantress: What are you laughing at? My child has been going in and out of consciousness for five hours and you're here laughing?!

Matcha: You may have the perfect Cookie to hold your power, but you're not as smart as me, he he. This power...He must have had something to channel his powers and keep them at bay. If you can either find it or make a new one, then he might not expire. Hurry little sister. If he doesn't expire first, then the other sister will find him first. He he he!

*Meanwhile, the Pure Lily family, Clotted Cream, and Cream Puff returned to the Dark Forest. At the same spot Clover was taken. Cream Puff was the first to spot something.*

Cream Puff: W-what's this? *walks over to it.*

Red Velvet: What is it?

*Cream Puff picks up the item, which was revealed to be Clover's lute. Only...it was cracked right down the middle. And the area she was standing in was wilted before repair.*

White Lily: *shocked* His lute!

Knight: Why does it look like that?!

*Madeleine and Clotted Cream walked over to Cream Puff. They each placed a hand over the lute, feeling the residue of Clover's power. They both pulled their hands away and Madeleine took the lute from Cream Puff.*

Clotted Cream: It must have been broken for some time. But why was he still using it if it was broken?

Madeleine: He always said that this was from a family member. But he would have fixed it if it showed cracks. So why didn't he?

Cream Puff: I don't know. It looked fine earlier.

Pure Vanilla: He must have played it too much or something triggered his powers. It must have been too much for it to store anymore.

White Lily: What do we do now? Without this, Clover could completely lose control and start draining everything around him!

Pure Vanilla: *looks at Cream Puff* Cream Puff. I need help with a locating spell. Can you help me?

Cream Puff: O-of course!

*Both Cookies cast the spell on the lute causing it to glow. It floated out of Madeleine's hands and started floating toward a direction. The group follows it, praying to get to Clover as soon as possible.*

[inkofamethyst]

December 10, 2022

Thinking about how I had the weirdest, most emotionally-draining weekend a year ago.  I had a mild anxiety attack over being asked out, I lost the solo I’d worked so hard on (they cut the song out of the repertoire (every time I go to an event where this one specific girl who was involved in that decision is also there, I learn a little bit more about that situation and I think she just feels really really bad about it but apparently most of the sections were struggling with it and it just wasn’t coming together)), and then there was a covid outbreak the following week that postponed the concerts altogether.  Hmph.  Memories.  And lots of journaling this week.

I finished Crooked Kingdom last night!!!  Loved it!!!  Thought the.. shocking event near the end was kind of glossed over to the point where I felt insulted for that character, but whatever.  GAH it’s got to be one of my favorite YA series.  Now I have to figure out what to read next...  OH!  That book about Jean Luc Picard, of course!

Also I’ve seen two spiders in my room in less than a week???  That is unacceptable!  The main downside to winter is that all the big buggos decide to stay inside more as well and I hate them for it!  If I could have one superpower it would be the ability to maintain a 20 foot radius of no bugs (secondarily, I’d like kinetic energy manipulation, like Quake :D).

Anyway, you know what time it is.  I’m overly ambitious and I’ve got six weeks of no school and I wanna use ‘em, so it’s time for... Winter!  Break!  Goals!!!  We all know the rules to this game, but for any newcomers, allow me to elucidate.  There’s a bunch of stuff that I plan to do whenever I’m home from school, and I consider a long break to be successful if I can finish three of them.  So let’s begin the list, shall we?

Input all the dna sequence data for my research and get back on that grind (and also just organize my data a bunch more)

Read up a bunch of archaeology and geology papers, also for research purposes

Teach my dancer-friend how to read music so she can audition for choir (if she still wants)

Maybe go to the zoo?  (this is less of a goal but there’s a lil zoo near my campus that I’ve never been to)

Stretch three times a week (to prepare for ballet in the spring)

Just do one alteration/mend, just one is all I ask

Maybe make that one dope jumpsuit from Mood Patterns

Make a mockup of that ulster coat for my dad (and also maybe find the fabric for it)

Make the cropped jacket from Charm Patterns, or at least a good draft of it

Make/find a petticoat or slip or something that will allow me to wear long circle skirts without them sliding between my legs

Maybe go ice skating

Make more of my off-brand jerk spice mix

Finish that Paradise arrangement

Find people for my One More Soul arrangement

Find a dress for the orchestra’s spring formal

This winter will be an interesting one because I have to fit in some of my goals while also being a TA for the first time which I’m really looking forward to.  It’s a subject that I could probably (and would love the opportunity to) talk about for sixty hours straight.

Today I’m thankful for the fact that my blackened salmon turned out really really well???  It’s my first time making salmon myself, and I was afraid of overcooking/drying it out but it went really well!!  I think next time, I might try marinading it beforehand to see if the spice flavors can seep deeper into the flesh, but it was absurdly quick to make and I’ll get four dinners out of it.  The only problem is that salmon ain’t cheap lol.

I’m really looking forward to the concerts tomorrow (even if the twelve-hour day drives me to madness! (though I’ll be able to test how much time I’ll actually need to get from my apartment to my “early” class next semester at the performing arts building in the mornings and what that’ll mean for my wake-up time))!  I’m also looking forward to them being over so I can focus on other things (like getting some sleep <3 (and also my apps and essays lol))!

[invinciblerodent]

Trying not to think too hard (by which I mean thinking entirely too hard) about how close Iona actually was to being in that crypt as a spawn herself.

Like. She had just made it to the Gate (as I've decided) when she was snatched. She had just taken a bed at the flophouse with her last few coins. She had just fled from everything she had known, including a very long and unhappy, unfulfilling relationship. She had spent a solid tenday on the road, had just arrived to a brand new city in which she had no connections (everyone she had known and ever loved, she left behind, bridges burnt to cinders), no money of course, and was looking to finally live a little.

Her goal that day was to get herself cleaned up as best as she could, start looking for a job anywhere that'd take her (maybe try busking if all else fails), then as night falls find wherever the cheapest ale flows, and flirt just enough to get some poor sod to buy her a couple drinks. And, maybe if the stupid, generous sort she finds there is nice enough to look at, she'd even put off resting in her new, likely flea-infested bed for one more night, and go home with them instead, caution be damned.

She was a young, disillusioned, unattached woman with nothing to lose, nothing to her name but a raw, innate magical talent she spent her life suppressing and doesn't know how to harvest, and nobody waiting for her to come home. And she wanted to be limply seduced into having meaningless sex with a hot stranger. All she would have needed to be a more perfect target was a sign hanging around her neck and announcing all that.

She was exactly one tadpole away from a fate so, so much worse than a simple, easy death.

And as Astarion is sleeping off the catharsis of dispatching Cazador, genuinely sleeping for the first time since she's known him, vulnerable as an open wound and exhausted beyond all belief, she can't stop thinking.

He's the kind of drained that only true sleep can fix, he's cuddled into her chest, seeking her warmth and comfort after a near-catatonic bath (she washed the monster's blood out of his hair with her very own hands) and a very long cry, and the one thing her mind keeps finding it's way back to is... is Sebastian.

His rage. His dejection. His resignation.

And how close, how fucking close she was to... well, both to not giving that necessary push a scant few hours ago, to inadvertently playing part in the creation of a monster out of misguided love, and to just... being one of the 7000 scarred-up spawn herself.

Because that night just a scant few weeks ago, if the mindflayers hadn't had a different idea for them and he had come up to her, he could have said even the most rote, off-puttingly practiced line at her: she would have known it was a lie, and still followed. She would have spent the night with him, expecting him to just be another man (if an attractive one) after her body, just like she did back at that clearing- and in a way, she would have even been more right than she actually was.

Only she never would have been seen again.

Which, kind of a bummer thought, as your.... boyfriend? partner? whatever "something real" is supposed to be? has you in a vicelike grip in his sleep and is processing what is quite possibly the the worst, best, and most emotionally intense day of his life, all at the same time.

(yes, my little hc is that the first night back, that's all that happens. The grave scene is, in my mind, at least the next night lol.)

[takaokas]

,

[samuyed]

🦝

[plush-rabbit]

What headcanons you have in request box actually? I'm really curious lol. Have nice day btw, I love your work!!!!!

Okay, so usually I put some in a doc and then like figure it out from there so if you've sent one in and haven't seen it, don't worry, it'll be done and added once I make a dent lmao. These are also a mix of hc and fics. Some I'm like part way through so ye

There also might be some that I might not do because its vague, like I'm given just the prompt and I don't know what to do with it or there's just no ideas that come to mind so I really am sorry.

Upcoming ones:

Met with Dia and he said “how else will you please me?” And I think it awoke something in me?? Can I request Diavolo with a bashful innocent MC and him just laying back and letting her have his way with him? But of course he’s a total dom so he’s gonna take control but just has a little fun letting her take the reins to start with? Hi. I just found your stuff and you write so well for Obey Me. Could I request a fic with Barbatos and a female MC? Maybe she's staying at the palace for whatever reason and when he goes to his room he hears her moaning his name so he checks on her but she's sleeping. The next day he hints that she must've had a good dream much to her dismay. That night he goes to her room and she's awake and they end up sleeping together. With some praise and maybe even some tail action. Thank you! Can I please get a uuuhhh possessive/borderline yandere Leon please :3c maybe it’s after a big match for her and everyone’s fawning over her and he steals her away and reminds her that she’s his? 💕✨ I saw those headcanons where Jin and Shigaraki became parental or sibling figures to the reader sooooooo how about headcanons of a fem!reader being a mother figure to the league? Just an ordinary citizen in her late twenties until she met the LOV unexpectedly, during the time where the league had to hide and the reader's place is conveniently open (then again I'm sure they'd bust in if it wasn't) and she didn't rat them out. This happened quite a lot of times to the point where the reader is used to it by now and just lets them in, even if they weren't hiding from anyone and just wants to stay for the night. When she got closer to the league, she starts to show care and love for them in a way a mother would the reader isn't a member of the league, but they already consider her as family :'D I just really want them to get care and love since they've been through so much Last week I literally sat down and read your writing for like an hour and a half LOL It’s just really good and I love your characterization! I was wondering if I could request Twice and Shigaraki with an s/o who tries to be cute and surprise them by wearing their clothes when they return from a mission but maybe the clothes are a bit too snug cuz they’re a little pudgy :( could also be nsfw if you’re ok with that!! Thank you so much 💜💜 I like the Lucky!Cat!reader hc. Could you do some for the LOV, with a Male Cat s/o? Thank you! You're the best!! I've been obsessing about flowers and their meanings or what they symbolize soooooo. How would the LOV react to their s/o giving them a certain flower and then finding out what the flower means/symbolizes? Hope this passes! It's a request for OM. Can I have headcanons of the brothers + Diavolo (if you don't mind) of their s/o dancing "Paradise Lost" by GAIN? Provided you a link to the video for reference 😁: https://youtu.be/4i32ANEa5mk Headcanons where the LOV has an s/o whose like a literal ball of sunshine. Always happy and bubbly, smiling and laughing, they just seem to epitome of joy. Until one day, they just break down, being so emotionally drained from different factors that they can keep up the act of being happy anymore Last week I literally sat down and read your writing for like an hour and a half LOL It’s just really good and I love your characterization! I was wondering if I could request Twice and Shigaraki with an s/o who tries to be cute and surprise them by wearing their clothes when they return from a mission but maybe the clothes are a bit too snug cuz they’re a little pudgy :( could also be nsfw if you’re ok with that!! Thank you so much 💜💜 hey!! hru? i have a question do you think shigaraki would like a threesome? what if his s/o didn’t want one bc she’s like possessive of him (in a non toxic way) hey plush, can you do a reader x Shiggy and Dabi whos crying to them/grabbing their shirts and burring themselves into shiggy and dabi/ about their verbally abusive ex, how theyre so different from them, so much nicer and softer, how they(the reader) never thought they could be loved or deserved kindness? its been one of those days, i just need some comfort. thank you♡ heyy!! ^^ can i request some headcanons for hawks reacting to his female s/o belly dancing for him? :3 Heyo this is beetle juice anon idk if u remember me I’m the person who said shiggy sounds like beetle juice, I swear I couldn’t get that thought out of my head so can I request shiggy and reader getting hit by a quirk that forces them to do a musically ( idk I just want shiggy to sing honestly lmaoooo) idk maybe both of them being shocked that both of them can sing hey, i absolutely adore your writing! i love going through all your work, they’re my comfort fics! 💞 i was wondering if you would mind writing something for tomura with an s/o who is insecure about her body and how skinny she is? she feels too flat, like she doesn’t have enough curves or that she’s grown into her body enough and it makes her feel less of a woman, that tomura could do better. and it makes her anxious when it comes to initimacy and being exposed to him because in her eyes he’s so perfectly handsome and she just feels inadequate... it’s something i’ve had to deal with pretty much my entire life, getting called names like stick insect and coat hanger, but lately it’s been eating away at me more and more. you can totally ignore this if you feel uncomfortable writing about this stuff, though! 💕 So, like. Hear me out. What if, with Bakugou and Dabi (separate) : MC is super innocent and cute, blushes at the slightest flirt, and “doesn’t get” dirty jokes, but as soon as they’re alone with their s/o? They are the kinkiest most vulgar bottom they’ve ever seen. Nipples pierced, collar under the turtleneck, chain strung between the piercings and the collar, all out kinda slut. The duality of man. (Gender neutral) Hello so may i request shigaraki with a s.o whos warm loving and protective and very innocent basically a s.o whos like mitsuri kanroji both personality and look wise Female pronouns,maybe they are out on a date getting ice cream and the s.o is so happy shiggy came, they hold hands and people start giving him odd looks only for her to stand up to the bullies who are saying things about shigaraki, it ends with her kissing him infront of everyone to prove a point,and when the get home she tells him she doesnt care what people think and makes love to him topping hin while telling him all the reasons she fell inlove with him,(omg im so sorrry its so long if you have tpo many requests or dont like the idea please tell me) hey, i absolutely adore your writing! i love going through all your work, they’re my comfort fics! 💞 i was wondering if you would mind writing something for tomura with an s/o who is insecure about her body and how skinny she is? she feels too flat, like she doesn’t have enough curves or that she’s grown into her body enough and it makes her feel less of a woman, that tomura could do better. and it makes her anxious when it comes to initimacy and being exposed to him because in her eyes he’s so perfectly handsome and she just feels inadequate... it’s something i’ve had to deal with pretty much my entire life, getting called names like stick insect and coat hanger, but lately it’s been eating away at me more and more. you can totally ignore this if you feel uncomfortable writing about this stuff, though! 💕 could we get a fem reader cock warming Dabi throughout the night and get morning sex >//< // ik youre a busy bee so dont feel obligated to rush or anything, take ur time plushie!♡ can we please get a shiggy x reader and the reader asks him to teach her how to game and she ends up being better than him and whatnot (inspired by that “a simple wager”) fic (if you ever decide to make a sequel to that i will ve DECEASED Can I request a sub shigaraki with a mommy kink getting pegged by the reader ( I just want to make him beg and cry honestly) reader is a female Omh give us noncon/somno w scary eraserhead plsss / aizawa and aphrodisiac smut pwease ( ；∀；) Overhaul and Chrono punishing quirkless reader for being an undercover reporter/agent but like orgasm denial... (Idk if you write this stuff but anyways do it if you want have a nice night) Can I request something like “Peaches and Cream” but with Piers instead? I know you’re busy with other requests, so don’t worry if you don’t have time for this one! I love love your writing!!! Hello beautiful can I just say how amazing ur writing is loll, can I request shigaraki having a crush on the reader and she knows about it, like one day shiggy just goes to her room when there on a mission and just steals her stuff and humps her pillows, but she has cameras in her room so she saw everything, long story short she shows him the videos and humiliates him (shiggy of course a mess and is close to crying from how embarrassing that is, lowkey turned on ) the reader takes care of him ( sorry I’m really bad at endings 🙏🏻😅) the reader pegs him until he’s a crying mess. By the way the reader is a female and shigaraki is a sub has a mommy kink and the reader is dom of that’s ok of course I love your writing!! May I ask for Diavolo x F!Reader with borderline disorder? 👉👈.. Lately it has been very difficult for me to deal with this alone and Diavolo is mine comfort character.. (NSFW Talk, If your a minor..then why are you even reading this?? Get off this 18+ page?? Anyways-). I am a huge sucker for overstimulation, biting and crying, (many of my past partners have called me a sadist-) and I just 𝑎𝑑𝑜𝑟𝑒 the idea of Tamaki’s cute face streaming with tears and drool as Male Reader vigorously overstims the fuck out of him. And he would look so 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑙𝑦 with his mouth gaping open in a silent scream of overwhelming pleasure because M!Reader gave his sensitive dick a handjob while he roughly railed Tamaki’s pretty little ass. (While abusing the fuck out of his G Spot, of course). I can just imagine him squirming and begging for mercy while M!Reader lovingly wrecks his body, taking him hard & fast in multiple different positions with each one making Tamaki wail with pleasure. He’s just so adorable, I just wanna see him get 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑚𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑝~ Lusty ❤︎ -Anon. Bonus Points if you could have M!Reader be super fuckin tall, muscular, strong and also be absolutely PACKING. (This man has a godly dick, and it’s honestly a surprise Tamaki can take it so well without literally breaking in half) ahhhh hewwo could you maybe write something with dbd ghostface going full apotheosis for his crush? as in,, he starts to elevate her to a status of divinity and even when she's just cowering in fear in front of him or conversely stabbing him and causing him lots of pain he just keeps viewing her as some sort of deity and  can't stop obsessing over her and wanting more from her

Again. I deeply apologize for not doing some. I wish I could, but (and this is not to guilt trip any of yall or anything, I understand that it'll sound like that it but it ain't it) sometimes the work I put into something and the feedback I get is sometimes not it. Like I'll work hard and get nothing and listen, I get it, its fanfic, there's a bit more stigma to it rather than art but yeah. Its a ramble, and basically, I don't wanna put work into something that I'll only get a few likes on. So yeah. Agains this isn't guilt tripping, I get it. I'm a consumer of it and I get the gist of it but yeah. More thoughts later, when I can properly sit and write as I am currently in a home depot 

[taehyungs-perm]

strawberry girl pt 3

taehyung x reader; college au; childhood best friends to lovers au; jock!fratboy taehyung

genre: fluff; major angst lol

word count: 11k

summary: i can pretend i don’t miss you. i can pretend i dont care. all i want to do is kiss you. what a shame you’re not here.

Part 1 here ; Part 2 here; part 4 here; part 5

playlist vibes

best friend | rex orange county

heather | conan gray

jocelyn flores | xxxtentacion

ivy | frank ocean

pretty little fears | 6lack

best part | daniel caesar (feat h.e.r.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every muscle in your body ached as you tried to shift in your bed. Your head felt like it was splitting open from the massive pain. You peeled open your eyes that felt like they were glued shut. Every neuron in your body was sending the message “go back to sleep” but the hurried whispers in the room forced you to slowly open your eyes. It felt like you were experiencing a fever dream because you were not fully processing anything due to your half opened eyes and the massive pain coursing through your entire body.

You managed to make out Hana’s face hovering over you. Her eyes were filled with concern, “I don’t know what to do. She’s been like this all day. She hasn't moved at all and I’m pretty sure she’s been sleeping the entire time.”

Another voice whispered hoarsely, “Should we call an ambulance or take her to the on campus nurse?”

“I don’t know but she doesn’t seem sick, ya know? I think she’s probably just exhausted. She was running around like crazy this entire week.”

You shifted your body to see who the other voice belonged to.

“She’s awake!” the hoarse voice exclaimed.

The sight of his curly hair and big brown eyes made your heart feel like it was going to explode.

“Tae,” you sighed in a daze. You thought you were in a lucid dream so you reached out and grabbed his hand. It felt warm and comforting. You pulled him closer so you could snuggle against his arm.

You heard Hana’s voice. “She’s been saying your name all day. Did something happen at your party? Did you do something to her?” she said, accusingly.

“No! Nothing happened! She was totally fine the entire time!” he said defensively. You couldn’t fully concentrate or focus on anything but you thought you saw a blush rising on Taehyung's face.

He leaned in and you could smell his soap as if he just showered. He put his other hand against your forehead, “She’s a bit warm, but nothing crazy. Maybe she’s exhausted but someone should probably stay with her until she properly wakes up.”

You felt a spine tingling shiver coarse through your body. “I’m so cold,” you whispered, trying to curl in your blankets.

Hana’s eyebrows wrinkled in worry, “I gave her all my blankets already.”

“Here, wear this.” Taehyung pulled his arm away from you and he peeled off his gray hoodie, leaving him in a plain white shirt.

He handed it to you but instead of putting it on, you brought it up to your face and inhaled the smell of Taehyung in the sweater. It smelled so comforting. You wrapped your arms around the sweater and pressed your face against the soft fabric. You felt your head pounding again so you slowly closed your eyes, drifting off back into a dreamless state.

You felt your eyes open comfortably what seemed an hour or so later when the sun rays peeking through your blinds became too bright. You shifted in your bed and grabbed your phone. 9:57.

You yawned and stretched. The sound of your movements shuffled Hana and she sleepily glanced over at you. Then she immediately shot up in her bed, “Oh my god! You’re finally awake!”

You were confused, “What are you talking about?”

“_______, you literally slept for more than 24 hours.”

You looked on at your phone. It read monday. You slept all through Sunday. You were still groggy, kinda delirious from sleeping the most you had in your entire life, “Wait did I wake up at any point?”

“Yea, you were kinda in and out of consciousness. But you woke up slightly at one point.”

You rubbed your forehead with your head. Wait so that dream about Hana and Taehyung wasn’t a dream? “Hana, don’t tell me that my fever dream of you and...”

She chuckled nervously, “Sorry _______. That wasn’t a dream. He was really here.”

You closed your eyes trying to remember what happened but you were so sure you dreamt all of that.

You looked around your bed and saw his sweatshirt by your pillow.

“You’ve got to be fucking with me right now.” You groaned. Why did the thought of Taehyung cause sadness to bloom in your heart? What happened before you went to sleep? You were trying to think properly, but Hana interrupted your thoughts.

“You were so out of it. I’m sure he doesn’t think anything of it,” she said trying to calm your nerves.

Even though you couldn't recount what had happened on Saturday night fully, your “fever dream” was clearly printed in your mind, “Hana, I grabbed his hand. I took his sweatshirt. You told him that I said his name in my sleep.”

“It’s okay! He literally doesn’t care. He’ll just be happy you’re okay.” Hana said getting up from her bed.

You were massaging your temples because your head ached still.

“I’ll be right back okay? I’m going to get some food with Jungkook and I’ll bring you back some. I’ll stop by the pharmacy to get you Tylenol. Drink some water and freshen up.” She put on her shoes and waved bye.

The room was silent and you felt like you could breathe. Your mind was still reeling from sleeping for a long time so you were trying to recollect what happened the past couple of days. Then it all hit you at once. You remembered the night. How you came back to your room and sobbed until you couldn’t cry anymore. Until your eyes were puffy and bloodshot. God, you were a fucking idiot. Taehyung was bringing back the feelings that you tried so hard to forget. You tried your best; you put up walls for so long so your feelings didn't get hurt again. But it happened. You let your will slip. He was breaking your heart once again and he still didn’t even know

You didn't want to admit anything to yourself. All you knew was you were feeling like you didn't know what the fuck you were feeling.

The rational voice in your head kept poking your thoughts, “Why were you so sad? Why did you care so much?

You didn’t want to think about those questions because you knew the answer would scare you. You just knew you didn’t want to see Taehyung any time soon.

He obviously doesn’t give shit about my feelings so why the fuck am I letting it hurt me so much?

Suddenly, the door of your dorm room swung open and there was a panicked Kim Taehyung standing there.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” you mumbled underneath your breath so he couldn't hear.

He raced over to your bed and you wanted to crawl away so desperately. You couldn’t help but feel your heart skip a beat when you saw his huge innocent brown eyes, his messy curly black hair, and his matching black and white pajamas.

He held your hand gently in between his two large ones, “Are you okay? How do you feel? Did you eat anything?”

He was out of breath as if he raced to your dorm. He continued, “I came here as soon as Hana told me you were awake.”

You slid back into your blankets so you could hide yourself,“I’m fine. You can go now,” You said softly.

“I can’t leave you. At least not until Hana comes back.”

“Taehyung, I’m fine okay. You can go,” The words came out harsh. You hadn’t really acted this cold towards Taehyung since the beginning of your college friendship.

You tried to avoid his gaze but you caught his eyes, “__________ are you mad at me? Did I do something?”

The words got caught in your throat. You held back the tears that were welling in your eyes. You steadied your shaking breath, “I’m fine Taehyung. Hana is bringing me food and medicine. Just go.”

You could clearly see the hurt in his eyes. You feel like a complete jerk for making him sad. Even though you’re the one who cried yourself to sleep over because your heart was in so much pain.

He nodded gently and left before saying, “Just let me know if you’re feeling better.”

You leaned back on your pillows, releasing a heavy breath. You were so emotionally drained. No wonder I slept for over a day. You didn’t know anything about what you were feeling but one thing was clear: being around Taehyung was a lot fucking harder than you thought.

As you relayed last night's events in your head, you tried to understand why you were so hurt. Nothing made sense and your head started to pound again. The door clicked open and thankfully it was just Hana.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” She said carefully as she entered the room with a couple of paper bags in hand.

The tears that were building up from the moment you saw Taehyung came bursting out.

“Oh my gosh, ________ what happened? Are you okay?” She dropped the paper bags, shocked at your sudden burst.

You tried to wipe the tears from your face, “I dunno what’s going on with me. I just...”

She rushed over and sat on the side of your bed, “What happened?”

“Why am I so sad Hana? Why am I crying over Taehyung? I don’t like him. I don’t care about what he does.”

She rubbed your shoulders, pulling you in for a hug, “Oh ______, I know why.”

You looked up at her, through your teary eyes, “Please tell me. I’m so fucking confused.”

“You like him ________.”

You blinked at her and moved away from her, “No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do. That’s why it’s hurting.”

“No, Hana I don’t. I fucking told you I don’t, so just listen to what I’m saying.”

“I know _________ you’re scared. You opened your heart to him and you got hurt. And you’re afraid to do that again.”

“I didn’t just get hurt. It fucking destroyed me. It hurt me more than you could ever imagine.”

“I know and I’m sorry that happened. But you can’t control everything in your life. You can’t convince yourself that you don’t like him.”

“I’m not convincing anyone of anything. I don’t like him. I don’t care, I'm not thinking about my feelings or about him. We’re friends.” You controlled your breathing and wiped the tears from your face, “I don’t know why I was so upset. Taehyung and I are just friends and I don’t have feelings for him.”

Hana sighed in disappointment.

You took a deep breath and made up your mind: you weren’t going to let this affect you. It was simple, just keep your distance from Taehyung and don’t be sad about things that you truly shouldn’t be upset over.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You tried to avoid Taehyung as much as possible without it being completely sus. He had been texting you asking if you were feeling better and you responded with simple answers like “I’m fine” or “I just was exhausted.” However, the last thing you wanted was for him to confront you about your unusual behavior so after not seeing Taehyung for 4 days straight, you knew you couldn’t avoid him anymore.

“Taehyung, I told you, I’m studying. I’m trying to be productive so I can come to your game on Saturday.” You huffed over the phone when you finally caved and answered his call.

“Okay why can’t I just study with you? I’ll meet you at the library,” he whined.

“I’m not at the library,” You said flatly.

“Where are you then? I’ll meet you there!” Taehyung said pleadingly.

God he was relentless.

“I’m studying in the science hall. 7th floor towards the windows.” You said, giving up.

“Bet. I’ll be there in five”

Why did you tell him where you were? You were such a simp for Taehyung, and it was honestly going to cost you. At least this floor was empty so Taehyung couldn’t get distracted by anyone who passed by.

You went back to doing your chemistry assignment on acids and bases. You hadn’t realized Taehyung arrived until he sat down on the sofa next to you, the familiar scent of his cologne wafting your way.

“Wow, I had no idea this existed,” Taehyung said, stretching out his arms.

You briefly glanced at him. He was wearing a black sweater with light brown slacks,  “What? The science hall?”

“Okay I’m stupid but not that stupid. I just haven’t been past the first floor.” He took out his laptop.

“Taehyung, I’m not sure why you wanted to come. I’m just doing homework.”

“Because I like watching you do homework.”

You turned to him and wrinkled your forehead in confusion.

He laughed nervously, “I mean like you’re always so focused and driven when you’re doing work, it makes me want to try harder and do my work. And I’m trying to focus on school and being around you motivates me.”

You turned your head quickly towards your laptop so he couldn’t see the blush on your cheeks, “Well good. Because we are going to be productive today.”

You two continued to do work in silence, with only noise coming from the clicking of the laptop keys.

After you finished your chemistry assignment, you took a break by mindlessly scrolling through Instagram.

Taehyung glanced up and said in a casual voice,  “I finished developing my photos this morning.”

Taehyung mentioned to you before that he had been taking photos with his vintage Polaroid and that the process of developing them was difficult and time consuming.

“Really? Why didn’t you mention it sooner? I’ve been waiting all week to see your photos!!” You were genuinely excited because Taehyung hadn’t taken photos in forever and you missed how he used to light up while showing you pictures. Also, Taehyung was actually very talented and his photos were always distinctly him.

“You’re really excited?”

“Of course, Taehyung! Okay, hurry up take them out,” you said impatiently.

He smiled brightly and pulled out a navy blue folder from his bag. He pulled out a stack of photos and put the folder down. Taehyung leaned against your shoulder and gave you the stack.

You began to flip through each photo, carefully looking at each one before going to the next. Few were of nature scenes around campus, capturing the beautiful sunsets and the tranquility of the surrounding forests, including the cliff side ocean that he had taken to you during his birthday party. There were some of his friends. Photos of his teammates post practice of them smiling and laughing. Taehyung had a knack for somehow capturing the human emotion through his camera lens. 

Then, there were some photos from the frat party. With the red solo cups and the faded lighting, the photos looked like they came straight out of a 90s coming of age movie. You paused at the following photo. It was a picture of you and Taehyung at the frat party. Taehyung was holding your hand and you were both intently staring at each other. You had your small smile on, the smile you reserved for Taehyung when you found him especially endearing but you didn’t want him to know. He was flashing his huge smile at you. You knew the expression you had in your eyes, and it scared you.

“Jimin took that picture that night. I had no idea that photo existed until I developed it. It’s one of my favorite pictures. Don’t we look so cute?” He said peering up at you.

“Yea, it’s cute” you said in a shaky voice. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from the photo. You knew the all too familiar expression on your face and it scared you.

You quickly rifled to the next photo and it was of you. You were sitting on the picnic benches near the soccer field, surrounded by your notebooks and laptop. You were wearing a pissed off expression which was only further exemplified by you flipping off the camera and the cameraman. You vaguely remember Taehyung coming up to you after his soccer practice and exclaiming “say cheese!” which granted him this as your response.

“Taehyung, what the fuck is this picture?” You asked laughing at the sheer strangeness of the photo.

He pulled the photo from your hands and said, “No way are you taking this. This photo is my favorite picture of you ever. I’m keeping this in my wallet.”

You tried to snatch it away but Taehyung already shoved the photo in his wallet. He resumed laying his head on your shoulder as you continued flipping through his photos.

“Tae, these are so good. They are all so aesthetic.”

“You really do like them? You’re not fucking with me right?”

“Of course not. I’m being serious. You’re so talented. You definitely need to continue.”

He snuggled deeper into your shoulder and peered at you, “I will, but only if you’re my model for my next series.”

You scoffed loudly, “As if. I’m so far from being a model. You should ask someone like Jennie.”

“Why someone like her?”

“Cause she... knows how to model.” You were about to say “Cause she’s actually pretty” but you didn’t really want Taehyung's fake pity of “Oh no, you’re pretty too.” You weren’t and you were honestly okay with that. But you didn’t want people knowing what made you feel weak so they could offer fake sympathy.

He looked surprised, “Oh wow. I didn’t know that. I could ask her. But I don’t really want to.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, “Why?”

He sighed, “Jennie is fun to be around. She’s really nice and kind. And I like fucking her. But I don’t know what she wants from me. I’ve told her so much that I’m not looking for a relationship. That I don’t want a girlfriend. But I think she wants something. I don’t know, I think I have to sit down and talk with her.”

Sometimes, Taehyung didn't make sense to you. Or maybe just his duality didn’t make sense to you. He was such a cute, adorable, sweet boy sometimes but then you had to remember his infamous reputation for being the biggest heartbreaker fuckboi on campus.

You hadn’t realized but when Taehyung was talking about his relationship with Jennie, you found yourself playing with the curls of his dark hair, twirling the soft silky strands between your fingers.

You stopped the second you registered what you were doing.

Taehyung looked up at you and pouted, “Why’d you stop?”

“Oh, um, I didn’t know if you wanted me touching your hair.”

“No it’s fine. It’s kinda relaxing”

He went quiet as you continued to play with the curly strands of his hair.

“_________?”

“Yea?”

He asked innocently, “Are you and Jimin a thing?”

You stifled a laugh, “No. Definitely not. We’re just friends.”

“Oh, I just thought since you guys were talking so much lately.”

“Oh no. We were only talking because of your surprise party. He’s really nice and sweet but he’s like you. He doesn’t want a relationship and that’s something I want.”

“You know that I’m not going to stop being your best friend when you get a boyfriend. I was your friend first so your future boyfriend will need to back off.”

You laughed, “Tae, we’ll cross that bridge if we ever get to it.”

“Hmm, well I guess till then you’re mine,” he said leisurely.

Your eyes widened at his words. This was the second time he’s said that.  But this time he didn’t correct himself.

Taehyung continued talking about how he developed the photos as he laid on your shoulder. You were only half listening because your mind was running. What did he mean by that? No no, stop overthinking. Stop thinking about your feelings, stop thinking about what he might have or could have meant. You’re his friend. That’s it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1:36 am

You couldn’t sleep. You had to be up relatively early because Taehyung's game started at 11. You tried to close your eyes and calm your thoughts but it felt like your mind was running in a hamster wheel, just constantly spinning.

Your thoughts were preoccupied with many things. Firstly, you were worried about your chemistry exam grade. You felt like it went okay but you could never be too sure. Then Taehyung of course. You were convincing yourself to not think about your feelings because you knew it would only upset you. So you just kept on telling yourself that you wanted to be just friends with Taehyung. You glanced over at your roommate’s empty bed. She went over to sleep at Jungkook’s so the room was empty and silent.

You reluctantly grabbed your phone to distract yourself from your thoughts.

Your Instagram feed had become more informational, with you following mostly activist pages about climate change, politics, and human rights issues. You needed a laugh so you went to TikTok and scrolled through your FYP.

You were intently watching a “How to make photocards” tutorial when the screen was interrupted with an incoming call.

It was Taehyung.

Why would he be calling at this time? He should be sleeping by now.

You answered the call, a bit unsure, “Hello?”

“Hey _________!”

“Tae, you should really be sleeping,” you said, critically.

“I know, I know. I just....couldn’t fall asleep.”

You got concerned, “What’s going on?”

You heard some rustling from Taehyung's side of the call and then he continued in a hushed whisper, “I don’t know. I just...am worried, I guess. I’m really stressed out.”

“About the game or school?”

“Both I guess. But mostly the game right now. I just needed to talk to someone. I wasn’t sure if you were Awake but I just wanted to see. Did I wake you up?”

You gave a light laugh, “Uh no. I was actually awake.”

“Please tell me you weren’t doing homework.”

“I wasn’t! I couldn’t fall asleep either. I just was on my phone.”

“Oh okay. What’s going on with you?”

“I believe we were talking about you,” You said, chiding him.

“Okay okay. But after we are talking about you.”

“Sure sure. Why are you anxious about the game? “

“I don’t know, I Just really wanna do well. I've practiced so much for this. What if I fuck up? What if I make mistakes?”

You had never heard Taehyung sound this unconfident before. He was always easy going, chill, and reassured, especially in himself. You knew for him to be feeling this way, he must be really stressed

You said gently, “Taehyung, why do you think you’ll mess up? You’ve always done great.”

He sounded so upset, “You haven’t been to my games ________. I fucked up so badly in the last one. I was supposed to pass the ball to Jungkook so he could score but I thought I could take it and they ended up stealing the ball back and scoring. I lost that game for us.”

“Tae, one mistake doesn’t define you as a player. You tried something and it didn’t work out and you learned from it. You’re literally the hardest worker I’ve ever met. You practiced harder than anyone else. You’ve been playing for so long and you’re the best player I’ve ever seen. I know that as long as you don’t get in your head, you’re going to do great. Trust your instincts and don’t overthink it. You’re a really, really good player because you react in the moment and go with the flow. Just trust your strengths and I promise you that you'll do great.”

He let out a shaky breath, “Thank you ________. Thank you for being here for me. I can’t tell you how much you mean to me.”

You felt your heart warm at his words, “I’m your friend. Of course I’ll be here for you.”

He said in a cocky tone, “So, you really think I’m that good?”

You scoffed, “Okay I said that to make you feel better not for your headass ego to inflate even more.”

“No, no, I heard it with my own two ears. You said I’m the best soccer player you’ve seen.”

“I’ve always thought you were that good, Tae. I just never told you.”

“Why not?” He whined

“Because you don’t need any fucking compliments from me. You get plenty already from your personal cheerleading squad.”

“But I only care about what you think.”

“Shut up. I told you so just remember it forever.”

“Don’t worry. I don’t think I’ll ever forget.” He paused, “Okay so why are you awake?”

“Um just I don’t know. I’m worried about my chemistry exam grade.” You chuckled, “Well I’m worried about all my grades.”

“_________, you’re literally the smartest person I know. And I know Jimin and Namjoon hyung. If you think I’m hardworking you’re like 40 times more. I know you stress out about these things because you’re not confident in yourself. And I know it’s not an easy mentality to change. So I just want you to know I believe in you. I always have.”

You went quiet. Somehow Taehyung could understand you so well. Maybe it was the years of growing up together or maybe he was that good at understanding emotions

“_________?”

“Yes. Sorry. I just...was thinking. About what you just said. I really appreciate it. I’ve just never had anyone say that to me. I just always forced myself to be on a team by myself. It’s just...really nice.. to have someone rooting for me too.”

“I’ll always be rooting for you”

It went quiet for a moment before he interjected his soft voice, “You’re coming to the game tomorrow, right?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

“Good, good. I really want you to be there.” He paused, “________?”

“Yes Tae,” you said laughing. You loved the way your name sounded when it came out of his mouth.

“Would you do something for me?”

“What?” What could I possibly do for him?

“Can you wear my jersey at the game tomorrow?”

Your jaw dropped. Wearing a soccer players jersey at your school wasn’t simply just wearing a soccer jersey. Only the people who either were officially dating a player or hooked up most often with a player wore said player’s jersey. It was kinda symbol that you were “with” that player either officially or unofficially. So Taehyung asking you to wear his jersey was definitely something you were not at all expecting.

You were trying to think of a coherent sentence but all that came out was, “Um.”

“You totally don’t have to! I just thought it would be nice since you’re my closest friend.”

You blinked. It was past 2 am now. Neither of you were thinking clearly. There was no way he means anything by it other than he wants someone in the stands supporting him.

“I would! But I don’t have your jersey.” There. That wasn’t a lie, but this way you don’t have to get yourself entangled in something.

“I’ll give one to you tomorrow! Before the game!”

Fuck.

“Oh okay. Sure then.” What the fuck did you just agree to?

“Great! I’m so excited!”

You rubbed your forehead with your free hand, “Tae, it’s getting really late. You should go to sleep.”

He sighed, “Yea. I should. You should too.”

“Yea.”

But neither of you hung up.

Taehyung said sincerely, “Thank you. For talking to me. I didn’t know what I needed but I knew I needed to talk to you.”

“Anytime. Thanks for not being a clueless headass. And for comforting me.”

“Anything for you, strawberry girl,” he said teasingly.

“Bye.” you whispered

Then you hung up the phone, left in the silence of your whirring air conditioner. It’s just a fucking shirt; it’s just polyester. It doesn’t mean anything. Stop overthinking. But that didn’t stop your mind from dissecting every possible meaning of Taehyung’s words.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ You jolted awake at the feeling of someone shaking your body.

“Get up ___________! We have to go! We’re going to be late!” yelled Hana’s overly enthusiastic voice.

You rolled over in your bed burying yourself in your blankets, “Late for what? I’m so tired.”

By the time your mind had literally exhausted itself from tiredness, it was almost 5 am. You truly could not think of one good reason to get up and leave your bed.

“The game? The one you promised you would go to?” Hana stated with her hands on her hips. She was wearing Jungkook’s jersey tucked into a pair of ripped  black shorts. Her curly black hair was tied into two high pigtails.

Oh fuck, you kinda forgot about the game. The one you promised Taehyung you would actually go to.

“Right,” you groaned as you sat up in your bed.

“Please get dressed! It’s already 10:30!”

You got dressed wearing jeans and a white long sleeve shirt, completely forgetting about the agreement you made with Taehyung. After shoving a cliff bar in your purse, Hana dragged you out of the room.

You and Hana raced to the stadium but paused when you heard someone calling both your names.

You two turned in the direction of the voice and saw Jimin running over from the side entrance of the field, as if he were coming from the locker rooms.

“________! Hana!” he said, waving. He was clutching something in his hand.

“Hey Jimin,” you said, confused. Why is he not with his team? The game is about to start.

“I’m glad I caught you guys!” He said huffing, slightly out of breath.

“What’s up?” Hana said.

“Um _______ this is for you.” He said handing whatever he had in his hand to you.

You accepted it and unraveled the item. It was Taehyung's jersey. You glanced at Hana���s face briefly just to see her shocked reaction, “Oh yea. I forgot.”

“Yea Taehyung was.....um....late this morning to practice.” Jimin said laughing, “He’s doing his warm ups right now. He couldn’t be here to give you the shirt himself so I was the messenger.”

“Right. Thanks for doing that. You really didn’t have to. I’m sure you’re so busy with the game starting soon and all.” You were kinda confused why Jimin was laughing about Taehyung being late to practice but you shrugged it off.

“No worries. Taehyung is my best friend and I would do anything to help him out.”

Oh, maybe Jimin feels bad about talking to me so much so he’s doing nice things for Taehyung. Nah that would be stupid.

“Well good luck on the game! I know you guys will do great” Hana exclaimed excitedly.

You nodded in agreement and waved as Jimin ran back to the locker rooms.

“What the fuck _________? He gave you his jersey? When was this planned?”

“Literally, it doesn’t mean anything. He called me last night and told me so last minute. I said sure but I didn’t have a jersey so I didn’t think I would end up actually having to wear it!”

“No no, this means something! I know you don’t want to hear it but he might genuinely like you. I know you keep telling yourself that you don’t like him but you need to confront feelings eventually,” she said as you entered the stadium.

You rolled your eyes, “That sounds like a later problem.”

You and Hana made your way to the second row of bleachers. You were still holding Taehyung's jersey, a bit hesitant to put it on over your white shirt.

Hana glared at you, “Are you seriously not going to wear his jersey _______? I mean Jimin literally ran from th-” She stopped talking and her mouth gaped in shock. You followed her eye line and saw what she was staring at. Jennie and one of her friends were walking up the steps and were making their way to sit right in front of you and Hana. However you quickly noticed what Hana dropped her jaw over. Jennie was wearing Taehyung's jersey. And she of course made it look like the cutest outfit as she tied it up in knot that complemented her jean shorts so well.

You felt immense jealousy rise in your stomach. You were supposed to be the one wearing his jersey! Then your feelings turned to anger: he really thought he could have two girls show up in his jersey. Then your feelings of anger changed to defeat and insecurity: well of course he gave her his jersey. They fuck all the time plus she looks so good in his jersey. They both look so good together as a couple. Why did you keep trying to insert yourself in a situation that you weren’t relevant in? Clearly, there was some misunderstanding and you weren’t supposed to actually wear his jersey.

You looked sadly at his jersey lying in your lap. You got lost in your thoughts when Hana tapped your phone sitting next to you.

You scrunch your eyebrows in confusion but picked up your phone.

Hana: listen to jennie

You started to listen in her conversation with her friend.

The friend on her right (her name was Lisa you think?) whispered in a harsh tone, “So Jennie are you and Taehyung together then?”

Jennie flipped her perfectly styled hair over her shoulder, “Not yet. But we’ve been seeing each other more often.”

Lisa asked curiously, “Did he give you that jersey?”

Jennie said in an uptight tone, “Well, this is one he gave me earlier this year to wear. But I can wear it for this game too.”

The conversation between Jennie and Lisa got interrupted when another girl, Jisoo, came and sat down on Jennie’s left. Jisoo, leaned into the conversation, “Where were you last night Jennie? We were so worried when you got up and left at midnight.”

Jennie laughed with her hand covering her mouth, “Don’t worry. I was perfectly fine.”

She elaborated further, “I was at Taehyung’s.”

Lisa and Jisoo gasped. You immediately looked at Hana.

You: they fucked

Hana: you don’t know that!

You: u srsly believe that?

You stopped texting Hana to listen in again.

Lisa grabbed Jennies arm, “Are you being for real?”

“Of course I am! Taehyung called me and said he needed me. So I went over.”

“What happened?” jisoo asked, concerned.

“He was stressed out.”

“And?” Lisa asked eyes widened with anticipation

“And I helped him relieve his stress” she said with a smirk

Jisoo covered her gaped mouth with her hand, “You and taehyung are fucking so often now! Are you sure you guys aren’t exclusive now?”

Jennie said in a strained voice, “I’m not sure but I think we will be officially together very soon.”

Lisa and Jisoo squealed. Jennie giggled, “I almost got him in trouble”

Lisa gave a high pitched laugh, “Oh my gosh Jennie what did you do?”

“Well this morning, I couldn’t leave without making sure all of his stress was completely relieved. And he ended up being late to this morning's warm up.” she said cackling.

You remembered how Jimin said that Taehyung was late this morning when he was giving you Taehyung's jersey.

You: he was late bc he was fucking Jennie

You: that’s why jimin gave me his jersey

Hana: bro wtf is wrong w taehyung. why is he acting so weird

You: whatever idc I’m not wearing his fucking jersey tho

Hana: it’s ok to be upset

You: like i said, idc. taehyung and i are friends. he can do whatever he likes

Hana: ur just avoiding ur feelings

You: fuck off

Jennie and her clique started to chat about the cheerleading team and you went back to staring at the jersey on your lap.

Then it clicked. Taehyung called you last night. He must have fucked Jennie and then called you. What the fuck. When he called you, he said he knew he needed to talk to you. But Jennie said he said that to her too. All of those things he said to you, did he really mean them? Or did he just say it? Taehyung literally just made everything confusing. You closed your eyes. We are friends. That’s it. Don't think about anything else. Don’t think about your feelings towards him; don’t think about why you cried that night. You and Taehyung are friends. Simple

Your thoughts were interrupted when the crowd started to cheer. The soccer teams from both sides came out. The announcer introduced each player one by one. When it came to Taehyung's name, Jennie stood up and squealed, “Yes Tae!”

You couldn’t help but look at Hana and roll your eyes at Jennie's actions.

You caught a small glimpse of Taehyung. You thought you saw him wave but it happened so quickly you didn’t wave back.

You didn’t watch sports too much but with stakes high and the overwhelming energy, the game was very interesting to watch. Jungkook scored the majority of the goals as he was the lead striker. Taehyung and Jimin were on offense with him and assisted with many of the shots. Hobi was the midfielder with Jin and Yoongi as defense. Namjoon was the star goalkeeper.

The game was tied in the last quarter 5-5. Everyone was on the edge of their seats waiting to see who would win this year’s championships. With less than one minute on the clock, Taehyung scored the winning final shot. The crowd went crazy with cheers as the boys formed a group hug around tae.

Everyone from the stands went rushing down into the field to congratulate the team. You and Hana made your way down the bleachers and to the field. The second you two reached the field, Hana sprinted to jungkook and gave him a giant hug. You smiled. They were so cute together.

You wanted to congratulate Taehyung, but, of course, he had a huge crowd around him, congratulating him for scoring the winning shot. You felt pride in your heart because you knew Taehyung would do well. Once he stopped overthinking and trusted in his abilities, he always succeeded. Your thoughts of admiration of Taehyung were interrupted when Jennie pushed past you and the crowd surrounding Tae. She walked right up to him, threw her hands around his neck, and kissed his cheek, “I’m so proud of you, Tae. I knew you could do it.”

Well, never mind. I’ll just go now since he’s busy with her. You turned away from Taehyung's direction and were about to leave the field when you heard someone calling your name.

“________!” You saw Jimin racing over, waving.

“Hey Jimin! Congrats on the game! You did so well!”

He stopped in front of you, “Thank you! I’m glad all of our hard work paid off.”

“Yea, I know you guys practiced like crazy these past few weeks.”

“I’m also happy that you came out for once! I can’t believe this is the first game you’ve come to all season.”

You laughed nervously, “Yea I know I should’ve come to some more games. I just didn’t really see the point of coming out to support Taehyung if he kinda ignored me the whole time.”

“Well, Taehyung is kinda dense. He doesn’t really know what he’s missing if he’s ignoring you. Come for me next time!”

“Okay okay I will!” You said smiling at Jimin. You wished you could like someone like Jimin. He seemed like a pretty straightforward guy. But of course...things could never be simple for you.

You and Jimin talked for a bit longer about your classes until Taehyung came up to both of you and cleared his throat. He was still sweaty from the game so his curls were stuck to his face a bit. You noticed he was wearing a black wire headband and somehow he made it look hot.

“Hey _________,” he said, once again wearing his fake smile.

Keep things simple. Just friends. You can’t be mad at him for being with Jennie when you're literally just a friend.

“Hey Taehyung. Great game. You did so well. I’m so proud of you!” You said in a cheerful voice. He gave you a look because he knew you were acting weird.

“I’m glad you came. To see me.” Taehyung said, emphasizing the last part to Jimin.

“Well, I came to support the team so all of you guys.” You said, correcting him.

Taehyung came over next to you and turned to Jimin, “I think Namjoon hyung is looking for you. You better go.”

Jimin laughed because he knew what Taehyung was doing, “Okay I’ll go then! Thanks for coming _________. You should come to our party tonight by the way!”

You were about to respond with a “we’ll see” but Taehyung interjected, “I already invited her so you don’t need to.”

You furrowed your eyebrows at him because Taehyung did not invite you.

“Thank you Jimin for the invite. I’ll have to see.” you added kindly.

Then he was gone and it was just Taehyung and you.

He frowned, “Why didn’t you wear my jersey?”

Oh god. Not this again.

“I figured you gave it to me by mistake since Jennie is wearing your jersey.”

“I didn’t ask her to do that. I asked you. I wanted you to wear it.”

“Cool Taehyung. I don’t really care. She came in wearing it and I didn’t wanna look like a side chick so I decided not to.”

“Fine. I guess. I wish you wore it still. Why didn’t you wave back to me?” He added in another accusatory tone.

“I don’t know Taehyung. I didn’t see you.”

“Why are you acting like this?”

“Like what? I’m not your fucking girlfriend so you don’t get to interrogate me.“

“You’re my friend and I care about what you think of me. Is that so wrong?”

“I don’t know Taehyung. Is that what you say to all your ‘friends,’” you said, miming the quotations.

“What the fuck are you going on about?”

“Just next time don’t fucking call me saying you need me after you’ve fucked another girl.”

Your head felt like it was going to explode. So much for trying to keep it simple. You were going to leave because honestly the damage was done and you didn’t know taehyung would ever talk to you again. All your hurt feelings were just coming out and you couldn’t stop yourself.

But he pulled your arm back so you faced him.

“Is that what this is about? Me and Jennie?”

“Like I said, Taehyung. I don’t want to get in the middle of something. So if you could just stop pretending like I mean a lot to you, this would make it easier. You and Jennie can be together and I can disappear from your life.”

“_______. Jennie and I are not together. We fuck. That’s it. There’s no feelings involved.”

“There’s always feelings involved.”

“Well not from my side.”

“Then why did you call her last night saying that you needed her”

“I didn’t say that. I said I needed to relieve some stress so I asked her if she was down to have sex. She said okay. We fucked. That’s it.”

Every time Taehyung said “we fucked” it was like a shot to your heart.

“Okay. Taehyung, I don’t get why you’re telling me this. You can do whatever you want. I just don’t want to get involved.”

“Involved in what? You’re my friend. I don’t get what so complicated about this.”

“Nothing is complicated. We’re fine Taehyung.” You desperately just wanted to leave but he wasn’t letting your arm go.

“_________. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I don’t know what I did exactly but I’m sorry to have made you feel upset.”

You sighed. He just didn’t see it the way you did. Whatever. It’s fine. It’s fine, “It’s okay. I’m sorry for getting mad at you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He asked, “We’re good?”

You affirmed, “We’re good”

“So what are you doing now?”

“I dunno. I’m probably going to go make some strawberry cupcakes again. I’ve got a lot on my mind and I just need to relax I guess.”

“Can I come?”

What? Did he mean he wanted to come bake with you?

“You want to bake cupcakes? With me?”

“Yea” he said shrugging, “Why not? We’ve barely hung out this week.”

“You don’t have anything else you need to do? Or someone else you need to be with?” You said nodding in the direction of the crowd behind Taehyung. Jennie was towards the front of the crowd, looking very pissed off, as she stood with her clique.

Taehyung looked behind him then turned to you, sweeping his curls out of his face, “Nah. I’ve got nothing to do.”

You wanted to say no but there was still a part of you that wanted Taehyung to yourself, “Ok. Let’s go then.”

“Lemme grab my bag and we can go,” He said with his boxy smile.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ It felt really weird taking Taehyung back to your dorm you thought as you unlocked your room door to let him in.

Hana had told you she would be with Jungkook the entire day so you most likely wouldn’t see her for a while.

“I gotta check something on my laptop real quick but then we can go to the kitchen on this floor and start,” you said to Taehyung as you hopped onto your bed. You opened your laptop and glanced up at Taehyung. He was checking himself out in the mirror. You rolled your eyes, shaking your head. You were scrolling through your grade book to see if anything had been updated when Taehyung stated he was going to change.

You looked up and nodded, thinking he was going to use the bathroom and change. But he did not. He pulled off his shirt by grabbing the shirt from behind his neck (how did that look so hot) and your mouth went completely dry at the sight of his bare upper body. His melanin golden skin looked ethereal. His upper body was well defined and toned. You almost lost it at the sight of his chiseled collar bones that protruded from his chest. You could eat fucking cereal out of his collarbones, they were that defined. He looked like he was sculpted from a golden statue by Van Gogh himself. The more you caught yourself drooling over Taehyung the more you realized you were totally and incomparably, fucked.

You hadn’t realized you were ogling Taehyung until his eyes met yours.

“See something you like?” He said with a tantalizing smile.

Fuck. You needed to pretend like you didn’t care. You gave him an analyzing look. “Seems like chocolate cake girl got the lesser end of the deal,” you said shrugging.

Taehyung pulled on a white shirt with the word CELINE printed on it with black bolded letters. He strided over to you, smelling like fresh deodorant, “Fuck off. I saw you staring.”

“Whatever,” You waved him off

He leaned in close, his breath tickling your cheek, “You can say whatever, but your cheeks are still red from blushing.”

Oh fuck. You could feel your cheeks reddening further.

“It’s okay. I think it’s cute.”

You turned your head to him, trying to remain as stoic as possible, “you think what’s cute?”

“I think your innocence is so cute. You act like you can be unaffected by everything. But I know how to make you crumble.” He winked and you felt breathless.

He knows what effect he has on me. Great.

“C’mon _______ I was promised some cupcakes.” he said, tugging your arm away from the bed.

You grabbed the strawberries from the fridge and your baking basket. You two went to the kitchen and you started organizing everything. You quickly realized just how different you and Taehyung were.

You were the person who liked to set everything up, go through the directions, and then begin. Taehyung was the kind of person who liked to jump right in. But somehow, you felt like you balanced each other out in the best way. After a flour spill, a few extra broken eggs, and a ton of dishes to wash, somehow you were able to make strawberry cupcakes with Taehyung.

You cleaned up all the messes Taehyung made (he claimed it wasn’t his fault but rather gravity) while he washed all the dishes when the cupcakes were placed in the oven.

Once the cupcakes were frosted and everything was cleaned, you two headed back to your room.

You set the platter of desserts down and took a deep breath, “That somehow gave me more stress.”

“Hey! We had fun! I was a great co chef,” Taehyung said as he picked up a cupcake.

“Were you now? That’s highly debatable,” You said giggling at him.

“These are so fucking good. I missed your food so much.”

“Gee thanks. Glad you missed me.”

“Shut up, I’ve told you how much I missed your headass.”

You took a bite of the cupcake in your hand and it tasted surprisingly good given that Taehyung helped you make them.

Taehyung's phone lit up and the background caught your eye.

“Aww, wait did you make your phone background your photos?” you said grabbing his phone.

“Well actually...” he said trailing off as your eyes widened as you actually saw what was his phone lock screen. Your mouth went dry. It was the photo of you and Taehyung at the party. The photo that frightened you so much.

“I just really like that picture of us. It makes me happy when I see it.”

“Yea. It’s a cute photo” you said not really paying attention to your words. Your heart was racing. Just friends, you repeated to yourself. Don’t think about your feelings.

“Okay now what?” Taehyung said cheerfully.

“Don’t you have a party tonight? Do you need to head back?”

“Eh. I’ll go later. I just wanna chill for now,” he leaned back on his hands.

The voice of reason in your head was telling you that you should tell Taehyung to leave, that you should do some homework and push him away before you start getting any ideas.

But your voice of reason was drowned out by your actual voice, “Do you wanna watch a movie or something?”

He perked up, “Yea that sounds good.”

He jumped onto your bed and got comfortable as if it was a totally normal routine for him. Taehyung’s eyes caught something on your bed and picked up the gray cloth by your pillow, “Uh, ________ is this my sweatshirt?”

You closed your eyes, cringing at the situation. You had been meaning to give Taehyung his sweatshirt back but between avoiding him and also hanging out with him, you had completely forgotten. Also, it was really comfortable to wear.

You tried to keep a straight face, “Yep. You left it here I think.”

He smiled, trying to catch your embarrassment, “I actually didn’t leave it here. Don’t you remember?”

You sneered at him, “Yes I remember. You gave it to me because it was cold but I just forgot to give it to you. You can take it back now.”

He looked very unconvinced, “Right. You forgot. You didn't like sleeping with it or anything.”

You opened your mouth to say something but he laughed loudly, “I'm kidding. Maybe. C'mon, let's watch something.”

You grabbed your laptop, sat on the bed next to Taehyung, and began scrolling through Netflix.

You saw a movie title that caught your eye, “Let’s watch this”

Taehyung squinted at the screen and read the title of the movie, “To all the boys I’ve loved before?”

“Yep! I love this movie but I haven’t seen it in so long.”

“Isn’t this like a romantic comedy?”

“Yea,” you said leaning back on your pillow.

“You like teen rom coms?” he asked in disbelief.

“Oh, shut up. I love rom coms. Plus this one is so cute. I love the lead girl and guy.”

“Okay if you insist.” He said, unconvinced, adjusting his seating.

You played the movie and you began to watch the movie with Taehyung.

“To be honest, I’m not really liking Josh. Am I supposed to feel bad for him?” Taehyung asked, with his head resting on your shoulder.

“I don’t really know but I don’t feel bad for him. Lara Jean made it clear she doesn’t want to talk to him and he keeps trying.”

He nodded in agreement, “Yea fuck that guy.”

Once the movie was over, you closed your laptop.

“So, what did you think?” You asked while stretching your arms above your head.

“It was cute, I liked it. But I know why you liked it.”

You laughed, “Why do you think I like it?”

“Uh because you’re like Lara Jean.”

You scoffed, “I definitely am not like Lara Jean. She has way better style than me. And I also think she’s way braver than me.  I would never have the guts to write my feelings out.”

“I dunno..” he said teasingly “Lara Jean reminds me of you.”

You flipped him off and he stuck his tongue out at you. The room was dark now. It was evening now and you could hear the chatter of students outside your window. You felt calm in the darkness of the room with Taehyung by you.

Taehyung moved his head off your shoulder and rested against the pillows. His face was way too close to yours. You started pulling the neckline of your shirt over your face unconsciously.

“Why are you doing that?”

“Doing what?” you asked innocently.

He pulled your hands away from your face. “Covering your face,” he said with a light laugh.

“Oh, um. I dunno.”

“Stop doing that. I wanna see your face.”

“Tae...my face probably looks so gross right now. My skin has been acting up all week and I just probably look so weird and-“

He pulled the shirt covering your face down, “Stop, you look pretty. Stop worrying.”

You gave a cold laugh, “I’m not pretty.”

You really didn’t wanna be a ‘pick me’ girl but the words slipped out of your mouth like a reflex.

He scooted closer to you on the bed, “Do you really think that?”

Fuck it right? You had already said way more shit than you had intended to. Might as well keep it going and just be honest with him.

“I’m not pretty. Or beautiful. Girls like Hana or Jennie are. And I know that. And I dunno it used to bother me but...it’s whatever now.”

His big doe eyes were filled with concern, “I haven’t said anything but I notice the way you act, especially when you feel like people are looking at you. You always try to hide yourself. And you always compare yourself.”

You exhaled deeply, thinking carefully about your words, “Well cause it’s true. I’m just not as pretty as other girls. And I’m really not trying to fish for compliments. Which is why I never talk about it.”

He gave a small laugh, “I know you aren’t fishing for compliments. You always act so shy and embarrassed if anyone says anything nice about you.”

Taehyung's eyes were entrancing you but you felt anxious under his steady gaze.

You averted your eyes so you were focused on your pillow, “Yea well it’s cause I don’t know how to take a fucking compliment. I just get so shocked I guess. Girls like Hana and Jennie are used to attention so they know how to be confident in themselves. I wish I could be like that.”

God, you hated the way you sounded. You literally hated the ‘I’m not like other girls trope’ that only pitted women against each other. Truly, you admired Jennie and Hana for being themselves and embracing their beauty in a society that feeds off of insecurity. You really did look up to them and wished you could be confident as them.

Taehyung's hand came up to your cheek and you felt the cold metal of his rings press against your face. He brushed the strands of hair that were hiding your face behind your ear and whispered hoarsely, “Why do you keep comparing yourself? Why do you keep thinking about things you want to change about yourself? You’re enough. You have always been enough.”

You felt like your heart was going to explode at his words. You had longed to hear those words from anyone in your life. As someone who constantly sees their own flaws, you craved for someone to say ‘you’re perfect the way you are.’ Taehyung's words meant the world to you but if only you could see yourself the way he saw you.

You whispered back, “Really?”

He gave you a little nod, staring deep into your eyes. In this moment, you felt so grateful for Taehyung. All those days you spent crying over him were nothing to this moment where he told you that you were enough.

You pulled him into a hug, “I missed you so fucking much.”

You felt his smile against your cheek. Your heart felt fuzzy and light for the first time in a long time.

You pulled away and looked at his huge boxy smile and fluffy hair. God, Taehyung would literally be the fucking death of you.

He was so warm in the bed next to you. You could literally feel the heat radiating off of him. You couldn’t wipe the stupid smile off your face. Because that’s how he made you feel.

You changed the topic because the dreamy look in his eyes sent shivers up your spine, “Taehyung, are you sure you don’t have to go tonight?”

“Nah, it’s not a big deal. It’s a big party but that’s kinda why I don’t wanna go. There’s going to be so many people there and I don’t wanna have to deal with that. Fake smiling and shit.”

“God I hate small talk.” you added.

“For real, like I get the weather is fucking nice I guess.”

You stifled a laugh.

He ran his hand through his curls, “Anyways, I do have to go tomorrow so missing today isn’t that big of a deal.”

You said, unconsciously pressing into him, “What’s tomorrow?”

“All the guys are going to Jungkook's lodge. It’s by a ski resort and shit. It’s really fucking nice.”

“That’ll be relaxing for you guys.”

“Well not really since Jungkook invites basically a shit ton of people so it’s never really just the guys.”

“Oh right. Well, it’ll still be fun for you maybe. Just to have fun with people.”

He placed his warm hand on your elbow, gently caressing it with his thumb. Your heart pounded at the action.

“Yea, but I don’t really care about any of those people.”

You smiled at his comment, Taehyung really had a great bullshit detector. He knew when people were using him for something.

“Will you come?”

“Where?”

He laughed at your comment, “To the lodge, stupid. With me.”

Oh. Oh. Why does he want you to come with him? What the fuck. Why doesn’t he take Jennie? Why is he asking you?

“I can hear you overthinking,” he said teasingly.

“Sorry, I’m just thinking like about homework and WiFi at his lodge. It might just not be-“

“For fucks sake. Just come. We can do homework together and hide from everyone. You can use my data if Jungkook's WiFi doesn’t work. Just please come. I want you there.”

God why does he have to say such sweet things? How does he know exactly what to say to tug at your heart strings?

“Okay. I’ll come.”

He exhaled deeply and laid on his back, “Thank goodness”

Your curiosity got the best of you, “Why do you want me to come so bad? Do you hate it or something?”

“I mean we’ve gone a couple times to Jungkook's place and it gets so crazy. I don’t know I just don’t feel like the same party kid I was a month ago. I know if you’re there I’ll feel sane. And I wanna hang out with you.”

“Tae, we literally see each other all the time.”

“I mean I have to make up for two years where we didn’t talk.”

“Fair enough.”

At some point in your conversation arguing about the best marvel movies (you were adamant that Civil War was a cinematic masterpiece while Taehyung believed Avengers: Infinity Wars was the superior film) you had nodded off, worn out from the long day.

You tried shifting in your sleep when you felt a heavy weight on your body. I must have left my books on my bed again. You tried shifting again, not caring if the books slid off your bed, but the weight didn’t shift. You tried moving but then you felt something pull you to the other side of the bed. You looked at what was pulling you and it was a hand. Taehyung's hand.

Your eyes widened in realization. You looked around and saw that Taehyung had his arm wrapped around your waist, with his leg thrown over your hip, completely pulling you into his embrace. His head began to nuzzle in the back of your neck. He still smelled so good, like comfort. You felt your cheeks heat up as your brain processed what was going on: Taehyung had slept over. Actually, Taehyung had slept in your bed. With you. And now he was cuddling with you in his sleep.

This felt scarily intimate especially since this was the first time you had physically slept in the same bed as a guy. You tried to slip away, maybe sleep in Hana’s bed or hide in the hallway, but Taehyung moaned (your face reddened even more) and pulled you back, “Where are..you going?” He croaked, sleepily, “You’re so warm. And comfy. Don’t go.”

He’s somehow even cuter when he’s sleepy.

“Tae, don’t you have to go?” You asked, hoping he would get up.

“Go where? I just want to stay in bed with you,” Your face literally flared. He peeked open one eye and smirked, “Still cute”

“Shut up. You’re so annoying. You need to go. You have to go to Jungkook's ski thing.”

“Fuck,” he said hoarsely, rubbing his eyes. God, his morning voice was so attractive.

He grabbed his phone and looked through it, “Yea Jungkook and the guys are texting me. I should probably go.” He dropped his phone on the bed and wrapped his arms around you, “I’ll see you there right?”

The familiar fluttering in your heart was getting stronger. The way your heart literally hadn’t stopped fluttering since yesterday. You knew you were in deep shit.

“Do you not get sick of me?”

“Of could not, beautiful”

You tried not to smile when he said that, “I think I prefer strawberry girl.”

He teased, “Okay, then strawberry girl I’ll see you later today right?”

“Yea I’ll come with Hana.”

“Bet,” he removed his arms from around you and hopped out of your bed.

He started packing up the things he had scattered in your room like his phone charger and his soccer uniform. You put your hands on your face and stared at your comforter, trying to focus. You could not believe you and Taehyung slept together. Even though it might not seem like a big deal to anyone, it was a big deal to you. The way his body felt, pressed against yours. How it felt so natural for you and him.

He looked at you, “Hey.”

You snapped out of your thoughts, “Hey.”

“I’m sorry.”

You laughed, “For what? You actually haven't done anything this time.”

His solemn expression made you realize he was being deadly serious, “I’m sorry for making you feel not important. I realized why you were upset about Jennie. I never meant to make you feel like you were a second choice or a backup. So I’m sorry.”

I was not expecting that.

“Oh. Well. It’s fine. It’s not a big deal. I shouldn’t have gotten that mad.”

“No ________ it was a big deal. You never deserve to be treated like you don’t matter.”

And then he looked at you, like there was something worth looking at.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck fuck.

He left. You slightly remember saying bye. You can’t recall if he said bye back. The smell of him remained in the room. The red flags were going off In your head.

Now you were finally left alone, with your feelings. And the hard truth hit you like a fucking truck.

You heard the door click open. Hana came in with a huge smile, “Did I just see Kim Taehyung leave our room?”

You didn’t answer her question.

You didn’t know if you should cry because you somehow fucked yourself over again 2 years later or if you should be relieved that you finally had the courage to face the reality of your feelings.

You finally looked up at Hana’s concerned expression, “I’m in love with him, Hana.”

The words felt like a release. You had been bottling these emotions up for so long. If you were being truly honest, you had ignored these feelings since the frat party. You thought it would go away after you cried after his birthday party if you just ignored everything. But with your pillows smelling like him, with you desperately wanting to spend more and more time with him, with your heart beating out of your chest every time you saw his brown doe eyes, you couldn’t run away anymore.

You breathed out the very words you were most afraid of, “I fucking love him.”

Hana walked over to your bed and hugged you, “Oh honey, I know.”

author’s note: thank you for reading! i rlly didn’t expect to receive this much support and interest in my writing! lmk if you would like to be added to the taglist for this story! i think pt 4 will be the last part but it will be a little bit before it comes out. thx for reading 🥺💜

tags: @fleurmoon @tangledsparkles @chocolatebelievercrusade @brokenobserver @ncitydreamies @soulstaes @bonnyskies @thelilbutifulthings @busansgloss @imluckybitches @xlectrahearts @embrace-themagic @bts-dreamybaby @belshka @trinbin039 @xxlostinseoul @sheislikearock @madjammil @guksflavor 

[gallickingun]

I saw your list of WIPs and my body is ready for the Bakugou ones 😍 can you drop a crumb of what they’ll be about? Especially the fantasy one? Fantasy Bakugou is my favorite 👉👈🥺

ive missed writing for kacchan so much 😭 i have so so so many ideas for him, so i hope you guys enjoy the ao3 content 💗 but so far as my current wips, here's some info!

also shameless plug and lil reminder all these stories will be posted to my AO3 which can be found by clicking this text!

♡ bakugou x belle (oc) : origin story - belle and bakugou are like passing ships in the night for most of their early lives — always barely grazing sails, never boarding onto one anothers deck — until bakugou has a public media snafu and is required by his agency to perform public service hours to make up for his bad behavior. he meets the now-doctor and realizes there's a lot more to her than meets the eye. however, she has a general disdain for heroes after what she's been through (being forced to use her quirk despite not knowing how to control it, all for "the sake of saving others") and what she's seen (hero after hero break their bones and shatter their spirits in the name of justice, only to be cast aside when they no longer provide enough entertainment value to be leveraged for the lining of the pockets of those in charge), when all bakugou knows is striving to be the number one hero. aka I suck at summaries but I promise this fic is gonna be real good.

♡ vigilante!shouto aka todobats — after losing shouto's father and brothers in a kidnapping gone wrong, shouto's mother is labeled clinically insane and his sister runs away to europe to pursue her dreams and escape reality. shouto is the only eligible heir remaining to run the enterprise his father built before his death. the media sees him as the rich playboy he proves himself to be during the day, but what they do not see is the way he cares for the city once the sun goes down and the stars come out. when he meets the charity organization's president (reader), he's surprised to find that the corruption of his city may bleed closer to home than he originally believed.

♡ fantasy!bakugou + arranged marriage — after your father angered a wizard, there was a dual curse set on your head, the threat of your kingdom's demise looming in the shadows that settle on your shoulders. the curse is that you would be expected to fall in love by your twenty second birthday, and that you would be given the gift of persuasion. the catch? you are unable to use your gift to trap a life mate. prince bakugou katsuki of the dragon nation was the only eligible prince remaining, and so your game of lies begins. your father arranges the marriage, and you are expected to seduce the prince. however, the two of you decide that the only way to win over the wizard is to trick him — by convincing the entire kingdom you're madly in love. (again WOW i suck at summaries i promise the fic will be good lol, lots of plot twists involving bakugous mother and kirishima and wizards and quirks and.. yeah)

♡ moving target part two [bakugou bodyguard au] —bakugou has returned to life as a pro hero, with a personal side mission to teach you how to use your quirk [control over organic matter]. now that its been exposed to the world that one of the most famous quirkless men has a daughter with a power that can kill, there is a new gang after your head. navigating a new relationship, learning how to control a power you've never used, and running from the underground can be a lot for a girl who might have been considered a princess not more than a few months ago. oh, however will you cope.

♡ soft!sakusa fic — you have been telling all your friends about the man you've been seeing for the past few months, and they can't wait to meet him. you tell them he's kind and patient and complimentary and he cannot get enough of you, handsy as he can be. so imagine their surprise when you introduce sakusa kiyoomi, a man they know as cold and calculating and aloof. this man and the man you've described could never be the same! (aka a cute fic about sakusa being soft for you and standoffish for everyone else)

♡ sakusa autumn nights fic - fake dating au + there was only one bed + meet the parents — sakusa meets you one night when he's out at a party with his msby teammates. he's confused, but smitten with you, and when his mother badgers him for what feels like the millionth time about a girlfriend, he accidentally blurts that he's dating you. somehow he gets roped into bringing you to dinner, but... he's gotta get your number first.

♡ mob au + pro athlete!oikawa x con-artist!reader — you have only ever known how to be a thief. its how you've found yourself a home in this argentinian casino every saturday night, scheming and cheating and lying just to feed your greed. and those whom you owe money to. so you do not expect the kindness of the pro athlete you know to be oikawa tooru, but that does not stop you from draining him of every last peso to his name. his flashy rings and watches and suit all show you exactly what you need to know- that he has money, and he's careless with it. the car he drives says as much. but after finding him at the casino every weekend, you grow fond of him, and its no longer a game of dollar signs, but one of hearts and souls. so when there is a hit placed on your head by the mob who owns the casino, you have to come clean to oikawa in hopes that he will understand your predicament.

♡ farmboy!kirishima — your typical hallmark movie. no ingenuity at all lol. but you are the daughter of a ceo tycoon in nyc, and all your daddy wants to do is buy up small towns and commercialize them for profit, to make them look picture perfect like a snowglobe. you are his number one real estate agent, and he sends you on a mission to buy up a small town a few hours away. when you meet the townsfolk, including the man who owns the farm that puts the food on the table for most of the residents, can he change your outlook on small towns versus the big city?

♡ college sports au series - bakugou, todoroki, midoriya, denki, kirishima, sero, dabi, etc. — a series of x reader one shots where the boys are college athletes! baseball bakugou, soccer shouto, football kirishima, etc!

♡ single dad!bakugou x kindergarten teacher!reader — when bakugou is left to care for his daughter alone, kirishima suggests hiring a caretaker to help him out. after much persuasion, and his daughter latching onto you at first meeting, he hires you for the summer while you're between school years and can use the extra cash. you move in, and the rest is chaos. [ft. emotionally stunted bakugou who believes love is for losers because his last relationship ended in fire and procreation, but you manage to teach him that life doesn't have to be as awful as he believes] aka a spin off of my single dad shouto fic! might continue to add more single dads and make this one a series too!!

there are other fics, but those are the main ones! also check my kinktober fics list bc i will be adding all of those to AO3 as i write them as well! 💗

[almostperfectshark]

Well Guys,

Where do i even begin to start... My life has been hectic, wild, and absolutely crazy these last few years. I dropped everything I had in Michigan at 18 years old and moved to Montana for a guy who i actually happened to meet on this website. Tumblr... Who knew right? I’m sure there’s probably a lot of you that have found love out their on this website and if your happy I’m happy glad it worked out for ya but sadly it didn’t for me. You know that feeling when you meet someone online who you instantly vibe with and have conversations with and it feels like you’ve known each other for years?? That’s the kind of feeling I had when I met this person. I won’t drop his name because to this day he continues to “stalk” me. He manages to find all my social media platforms no matter how many different emails I used he finds all of them.. I of course skyped him and made sure he was who he said he was or so I thought.. He was real physically but emotionally he was completely different if that makes sense. We talked for hours upon hours day and night every spare second we had so I ended up moving to Montana and I’m a Michigan gal so that is quite a distance. I left everything I had behind my family, my friends my college I was enrolled in and about to start, my drivers license ,EVERYTHING. Prior to me flying out to Montana he talked about a poly relationship and I have been in a poly relationship in the past so I was thinking about giving the okay but didn’t give the okay to him yet. Not only does he show up with two random strangers I’ve never seen before or knew their names wouldn’t you want to pick up your partner alone and not with two people she doesn’t know? Well we get in the truck after I grab my bags and of course I’m wanting my first kiss with him but it’s kind of awkward to share that moment in front of some strangers ya know? So we get to the house and I can’t stand it anymore so I finally lean in and kiss him and look behind me to hear them say “Don’t stop because of us” that was a little weird. We go inside and his mom is still awake poor thing ( I honestly miss her so fucking much) she introduces herself and hugs me and welcomes me. We go into his room in the basement and do our thing the next day goes by and I start to become good friends with we’ll call her Sara so we get on the topic of the best sex we’ve ever had and she tells me the best sex she ever had was with my bf and he tries to deny it and I threaten to go back home since I haven’t even been there for two fucking days he begs me not to so I decide to invite Sara over to confront him in front of me and she does and she ends up making him tell the truth he then proceeds to cry hysterically and starts telling me he doesn’t want to lose me and ends up punching a wall in rage and probably self disappointment they leave and I decide to forgive him even though this happened the day before i got on the plane. I was already half way across the map and wasn’t willing to give up and make a fool of myself for some guy I met online. He changed for a little bit before I moved out there he was a manager at Sonic but when I showed up he wasn’t working anymore so I took on the reigns at that point of bringing in an income. At first I started at a sporting goods store and I loved it I miss that place so much it was such a cool and rad place sadly it closed down because we were a sister store and we weren’t bringing in enough income to their liking. From there I moved on to a organic grocery store and that place was boujie as all hell, at first I thought they were all nice people but lord does that change It’s kind of funny and sad at the same time how much people can change within a matter of seconds. Most of the items in that store didn’t have barcodes to scan you had to remember individual numbers for every damn thing every piece of candy,nuts,fruits,veggies. There was a girl who came in every single day who helped get me the job she worked in the medication department super sweet girl actually named Sara lol but not the same sara as above. She would come in every single day crying this woman would bust her ass at this place and she was a manager and never got a higher recognition for any of the shit she did ever they literally treated her like garbage. She was the only one who would help me with any questions I had unlike my other manager who thought she was all that and a bag of chips. She was from the U.K. her name was Fran this woman was a fucking bitch one of the most two faced people I have ever met in my life. This woman would literally have her cashiers me or the other closers ring up a bunch of groceries for her and put them in bags and then she would carry them to her car and told us she would pay for them the next day well guess what she never paid for them and she continued to do this for days so I started asking the other cashiers who she had do it as well and they said that she checks herself out... that seems a little fishy why don’t you trust us doing it? Do you go back and delete items? I think she started to catch on because this woman threw me under the bus every single chance she got about me not wiping my belt down which I did and how I didn’t wipe down all the bins down good enough. She found every excuse to write my ass up and I got tired of it I was tired of coming home and crying everyday. So I called in and quit. My partner at the time had a couple disability’s but nothing that prevented him from working he claimed he filed for disability but alas never did even after 5 years. At that point guys I was fucking numb my heart sank to my chest every fucking feeling I ever had for this man was starting to deteriorate and fast. I didn’t find this out until after we got married. Yes married.. trust me I know I should’ve known better I should’ve thought twice but he was my first love and trust me I have learned my lesson. He also loved pills anything that could get him high he would take pills, shrooms, acid, he’s tried a couple questionable things. This guy was so addicted.. I just wanted to feel numb I wanted to get out I caught him talking to other women multiple times I wasn’t perfect either and two wrongs don’t make a right but I never physically was intimate with anybody. He got me hooked on pain killers bad we would do them everyday together and that’s the only thing that kept me going from the emotional abuse and the fucking trauma it’s inflicted on my mental health.  Thankfully I’m a little over a year sober. The most shocking thing that has ever happened to me in that marriage and the point to where I felt like I was shit on the bottom of his shoe was when we needed help bringing in an income so we made an ad looking for a roommate. Big mistake, We found someone almost immediately my partner and I are attracted to both sexes this guy wanted to grab dinner with him and meet him in person. I was never invited and I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it because the messages this guy was sending him were very very flirtatious. He ends up taking his friend Jesse with him he goes to the bar and comes back quite fucked up along with the guy to check out the room who happens to keep rubbing on my fiancee at the time. I was not liking this shit at all so I started screaming at him to get the fuck out of my house since I’m the one who pays all of the bills and mind you we also have other roommates upstairs who are absolutely amazing. What does my fiancee do at this point? He locks me in our fucking bedroom my roommate comes downstairs and asks where I am and finally gets this guy to leave. We eventually got our own place because I thought that would help again nope it was only a couple streets down from his moms house too. My family finally after years decided to visit me and it was a flight or fight instinct and I was done. Packed what I could in a backpack told him I was going back to visit with my family and kissed my dogs one last time and when we were almost to Michigan I told him I was done. Please don’t give me any shit about the way I left I honestly didn’t have any other choice I was out of chances I was out of efforts I was drained. He continued with the “I’m going to kill myself if you don’t come back” how it’s going to be on my hands he even went as far to send me photos of blood all over a back seat of a car that looked like a murder scene he found on google. I deactivated his phone and he still tried to contact me through email etc. We are currently going through a divorce and I pray to god he signs those papers and lets me move on. If you read this I appreciate you so much and thank you for taking the time to read this I have many more stories to go if you’re interested about anything else. My current partner, my family, my life now anything and I will write about it. Thank you again.

[kunderdogs]

Take A Chance VII

Simon Dominic (AOMG) x Y/N (Reader) Genre: Romance / Angst Count: I didn’t count lol sorry Warnings: None Rating: Mature (suggestive, swearing) Summary: Who would’ve thought a one night stand with Simon D would turn into FWB? It only gets more complicated when you developed feelings, against your better judgement.

This gif of Simon D is one of my favs. Pls don’t hate me for the ending. :) Two more chapters left! 

Had to post this early because I got called into work today.

Chapter One. | Chapter Two. | Chapter Three. | Chapter Four. | Chapter Five. | Chapter Six. | Chapter Seven.

Driving around aimlessly at 9AM was not how you pictured the start of your weekend to go. Then again, you could’ve never imagined Simon would stroll up to your place, drunk as hell and picking fights with you in the middle of the night either. For now, you felt your nerves settle as you drove around the town. You figured you could drive around and get some fresh air. Anything to get your mind off of your intruding thoughts. 

Being in that house with Kiseok just felt so suffocating.

You were cruising through some of the residential neighborhoods when you noticed you were close by Nicky’s house. You smiled and pulled on the side of the street, immediately grabbing your phone and dialing her number. She picked up at the last minute, groaning and complaining of a hangover, before launching into retelling you all of the drama from last night.

“So what do you want to eat? I’ll pick something up for you.” You connected the call to your car before pulling off the street. 

Nicky yawned a bit, “Eh, don’t worry about it. Wouldn’t want you to come all the way over here just to get me breakfast.”

“I’m in your neighborhood anyway so just tell me what you’re in the mood for. Cinnamon rolls? French fries?”

“Why are you in my neck of the woods at,” she paused on the other end, most likely to pull the phone back to check the time. “9:27AM? Couldn’t sleep?”

You sighed a little louder than you intended to, “You could say that. Since you won’t tell me what you want, I’ll surprise you.”

She hummed in agreement, “Don’t forget the OJ! Thank you, love. See in you in bit.”

Saying your goodbyes, it didn’t take long to get to a small cafe about ten minutes from Nicky’s apartment. It was early enough that there wasn’t much customers so you were happy to be in and out of there within a few minutes.

Upon arrival at Nicky’s place, you found her sprawled out on the couch, clothes from last night wrinkled but still in place. Her makeup was wiped off and smeared onto makeup wipes that were on the coffee table. You laughed to yourself, nudging her with your foot when you got closer. She was such a beautiful disaster.

“You look like you’re barely hanging on over here,” you teased, putting the food down on the coffee table before cleaning up the makeup wipes.

Nicky mumbled something in the pillow and reached blindly for the food. “So what’s bothering you, hm?” Her voice followed you into the kitchen.

Washing your hands in the sink, your mind worked to find the right words but they got stuck in your throat. Everything was still so confusing to you.

Yes, you had deep feelings for Kiseok but the reality was that you couldn’t be together.

It was just cruel of your mind to even picture him involved with you in the way you wanted him to be.

Part of you was relieved that you ended it but the other, much larger part, almost immediately regretted it. That part of you wanted to run back into his arms and confess your feelings to him right at this second.

You didn’t realize how loud you sighed until a cold hand wrapped around your wrist. Nicky pulled you to the living room, and began searching for a movie while you got comfortable on the couch

“Does it have anything to do with Lover Boy?” She guessed, eyeing your downcast mood. When you pouted without answering her, she plopped next to you. “Wanna talk about it?”

Nicky always wanted to talk about her problems, which you were completely willing to listen to but when it came to you sharing...It was a little more difficult for you to open up. She was never offended or put off when you didn’t want to talk about your feelings but she was definitely surprised when you nodded.

As Iron Man played in the background, you spilled everything that happened last night. Her sky-colored eyes grew in size as you vented about everything that was said yet she didn’t interrupt you once. By the time you were done, you took a moment to catch your breath and her mouth was hanging open in shock.

“Dear lord, I leave you alone for two seconds and all this happens huh,” she teased, causing a smile to crack on your lips.

Taking a bite of her food, Nicky thought about what she wanted to say before looking at you fully, “So, are you going to tell him or leave it at that?”

Looking to the hanging TV, you sunk back into the couch. What good would come out of you telling Kiseok your feelings for him? Other than getting it off your chest, it would change nothing. If anything, it may even ruin your chances of being friends with him in the future.

If you couldn’t be with Kiseok romantically, you still wanted to be friends. He was always there to listen to you and give you advice, even make you smile when you were stressed or having a bad day. Above all else, you enjoyed his company, even when you two just sat and did absolutely nothing.

You huffed when you noticed Nicky was still waiting for an answer, “There’s nothing more for me to say. I feel like I’ve said all I had to...”

She snorted, “You didn’t say anything of importance. You should go back to your place and talk it out with him.”

“What good would come from that?” You dismissed.

She shrugged, “Maybe he feels the same way. Close mouths don’t get fed.”

The orange juice you were drinking almost came back up through your nose as you snorted. “Yeah, right. If Simon even had an ounce of feelings for me, he wouldn’t be out with that other chick.”

Nicky couldn’t really argue with that point and shook her head, “You know how men are. They don’t realize their feelings until it slaps them in the face. From what you tell me, Simon D is the type of guy to not recognize it right away.”

Sighing again, you felt the tension in your shoulders. “I’ll figure it out later. I just want to rest for a bit. All this is so emotionally draining.”

With an understanding smile, a foot suddenly kicked into your side, forcing you to lay down on the couch. You glared playfully at your best friend while she tossed a throw blanket over your lower half.

“Take a nap. I’m going to shower. Gotta wash away all the bad decisions I made last night.”

Without further ado, Nicky skipped off to her bathroom, your laughter following her down the hallway.

Usually, you had a hard time falling asleep now that Cookie wasn’t with you, but something about Nicky’s apartment was so cozy that you were out like a light in under five minutes of laying down. It was probably because her couch was just so warm and comfortable.

Either way, you woke up hours later to another Avengers movie playing and Nicky eating brownies at the other end of the couch. You checked your phone to see if Cookie had called or texted, but they were at a water park today so you weren’t expecting a call until they got home, which would be late at night for them. It made you a little sad to not talk to your mini all day but you were glad she was having a good time with your ex’s family.

Sleepy eyes glanced at the time on your phone. “Shit. It’s already 1:30? How long was I out?”

“Since like 10, dude. You must’ve been dead tired.”

Yawning, you sat up and snuggled the blanket into you again. “Still am. I think I’m gonna head home and go to sleep in my own bed though.”

“Are you saying my couch isn’t an acceptable bed?” She teased, knowing damn well you loved her couch more than your own.

“I will steal this one day and replace it with mine.”

“Sure. Text me when you get home. Drive safe! Woah- HEY! Leave the cinnamon rolls!”

The drive back to your house was uneventful. Oddly enough, there was hardly any traffic out which was a bit odd for a weekend, but you thought nothing of it.The once blue sky was now gray with even darker clouds hanging low. It felt like the calm before the storm. 

You were in no rush to get home, and the feeling only amplified when you pulled up to your apartment and noticed Kiseok’s car still parked in the guest parking.

Sighing, you dragged your feet up to your place and as soon as you were getting off the elevator on your floor, your phone rang. A wide smile broke out on your lips.

“Hi, sweetie! I was waiting for you to call me!” You answered, leaning over the rail that over looked the courtyard garden. “Oh yeah? How was the water park?”

A few minutes into your conversation, you were so engrossed with listening to her ramble about her favorite rides, that you didn’t notice the opening or closing of a door down the hall. Heavy footsteps came closer to you, but you paid it no mind. Other than yourself, there was two other families that lived on this floor so it wasn’t out of the ordinary.

“Mommy missed you too. Your daddy being nice to you?” You laughed when you heard a huff on the other side of the phone. “No, I didn’t have dinner yet. I’ll have some later- oh, okay. Tell your grandmother I said hi, okay?”

The sound of someone clearing their throat alerted you to the body leaning on the rail a few feet from you.

Jung Kiseok, still in his clothes from last night, peered down at the garden beneath you two. When he noticed your attention on him, he glanced to you. “Can we talk?”

Jesus, he literally came out of nowhere! Noticing your jaw hanging slightly, you swallowed before agreeing with your daughter. “Yes, baby, it’s okay. Go shower and go to sleep. Thank you for calling me. I love you. Goodnight...”

The ending dial tone sounded much too loud for your ears as the silence in the hallway was almost suffocating. It was quiet for sometime, since the two of you didn’t say anything. Kiseok was trying to find the words to say, and you had too much you didn’t want to uncover.

This conversation was inevitable but you still wanted to avoid it. The lump in your throat only grew when he sighed deeply. It seemed like he was about to say something, until the elevators opened and two small blurs sprinted out. “I-”

The Choi twins were your neighbor’s kids and it was only another two seconds before you saw their mother chase after them. You giggled after them, those two were always giving their mother a hard time.

“Sorry about that,” A deep voice apologized. You nodded to the twin’s father, who was holding a tiny baby wrapped in blankets to keep him warm.

“Don’t worry about it,” you waved him off with a smile but didn’t miss the double take he did to your company.

“Maybe we should go inside?” Kiseok pushed off from the rail and waved slightly to a wide-eyed Mr. Choi.

You took the advice without a word, leading the way to your front door though he would’ve had no problem finding it himself. Once inside, you kicked your sandals off and dropped your purse on the entry table.

The door shut tightly behind him, entrapping the both of you in a thick silence that didn’t go unnoticed. You sunk into the couch, giving him enough room to sit near you without touching you.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

You weren’t sure what you expected him to say, but it surely wasn’t that. Could you really be surprised though? Suspecting what he was asking, you had to make sure you two were on the same page.

“Tell you about what?”

Tired dark eyes stared you down, “Let’s not go back and forth. I know you have a daughter and I’m not sure what kind of problems you and your husband have, but cheating is never the way to go about it.”

You tried to stop the loud laughter that spilled out of you, but that was so far from what you thought he would say. You honestly couldn’t help it, and soon, you had tears in your eyes as you were literally rolling around the couching laughing.

Kiseok did not look amused in the slightest - his lips thinned into a hard line, brows frowned to display his seriousness of the topic. “This really isn’t something to laugh about. I refuse to be some kind of homewrecker.”

You had finally got your giggles under control when he said that, launching you into another fit of laughter. “What! You think-?! Oh my god, I haven’t laughed like that in a while,” you giggled, wiping the spilling tears from your eyes.

Feeling his glare, you sat up and took a breath. The tension was a bit less in the room. “I’m not married.”

He didn’t believe you. “You have family pictures-”

“In my daughter’s room, yes.”

He dismissed your interruption, “I saw that man at the airport when you ran into Jay Park. He hugged you and you were crying.”

You paused, blinking slowly. How did he see that? “How do you know that?”

The way he sighed with finality made you feel a bit defensive. “Jay was FaceTiming me and Loco. The main point of this is I don’t want to be in the middle of whatever you have with your husband.”

Eyes rolling, you crossed your arms under your chest. “Stop saying that. I’m not married.”

“Why are you lying? You have a child with him.” The tone of his voice raised slightly but you frowned at him.

“You can make a kid without being married to someone. Me and my daughter’s father aren’t together. I’m no cheater. Unlike you, I don’t have a list of hoes I can run to.” The words left your mouth but you regretted it immediately. Your personality didn’t allow you to apologize or take it back, especially with how heated you were becoming.

Sitting less than a foot away from you, Kiseok couldn’t really argue with that. You were right. He called Nayoung because she didn’t care for a relationship and he had wanted to...hurt you the same way he had been hurt after seeing you in the arms of another man.

It was childish of him, he’ll admit it, but it happened. He was only human and he had acted on his emotions. It wasn’t one of his proudest moments. Once you brushed past him at the restaurant with tears in your eyes, he had felt sick to his stomach about the whole thing. It wasn’t like he knew you would be there that night, it was honestly a terrible coincidence. After that night, he couldn’t even look Nayoung in the eyes without seeing your heartbroken expression.

Prideful at heart, Kiseok still felt the need to defend himself even if it was a weak defense, “I don’t have a list of hoes. That was me being an idiot.”

“Whatever, Kiseok. I don’t care anymore.” Calling him without an honorific gave you a sinking feeling in your stomach but you looked away from him. “What more do you want from me?”

With that, he faced you fully, “Everything. I want to know everything, about your daughter, your past, the truth about all of it.”

Startled, you faced him with doubt clouding your face. “Why? Why does any of that matter to you? Why do you even care?”

For the first time today, you saw Kiseok smile. Not a smirk, or half grin that he liked to flash you when he teased you, but a real smile with his teeth showing. Looking closer, he also was a little rosy in the cheeks a bit. “I-Well...I thought it was obvious now, but you’re really dense.”

You thought you knew where this was going so you sighed, “Look, I’m not a charity case, okay? I can-”

“I really like you, ___. Not just in a sexual way either. I like you on an emotional level...I really, really like you,” he confessed in a rush, sounding just like you felt at the moment - breathless.

And then your heart started to ache.

“Kiseok...we can’t...we can’t be together.”

[jensengirl83]

Walkaway Joe

John x reader

Word count-1392

Warnings-Angst

Summary-Reader knows John and babysits the boys sometimes. This time may be a little different.

A/N- This was beta’d and requested by @emoryhemsworth​. I’m so glad you liked it! I was a nervous wreck writing it. This is my first attempt at any character other than Dean. Go easy on me lol

Another hotel room, waiting to hear that familiar rumble of engine. I have known John for a while. I help with his sons on occasion. We meet up at a different hotel every time. John says it is safer because you never know who is watching. Dean and Sam are two of the cutest things you have ever seen, but do not tell that to Dean, he thinks he is too big to be called cute now. The boys are eight and four years old, too young to be on their own, that is why I offered to take them in when John could not take them with him. I was their neighbor before the fire, the disaster that changed John forever. I know what he does, and I don’t care. Helping for the last four years I have developed feelings for the gruff man. We have shared many nights together, being just a way to blow off steam. Well, it was at first.

“Y/n, when will daddy be back?” Sam’s little voice bringing me back to reality. These poor kids, never having a chance at being normal kids. John and I have had many fights over this very topic.

“He should be back soon Sam. Now go brush your teeth, it’s time for bed.”

“But I’m not sleepy!” I look on the bed and see Dean pouting, little arms crossed over his chest.

“I know sweetie. You never are.” I chuckle as I walk over and ruffle his hair. “It is getting late and we all need our rest ok? Go to sleep and I will take you and your brother to the arcade tomorrow.” That has him changing his tune.

“Move over Sammy! I have to brush my teeth too!”

Finally getting the boys tucked in and sleeping, I wait for John. Things have been tense with us lately. I understand why he wants to find the ‘yellow eyed demon’, but I think he should count himself lucky that he still has his boys and move on. I truly believe Mary would not want this life for her boys. He is hell bent on revenge, dragging his kids down that road with him. I may be selfish wanting him to stop hunting and take care of his boys, but they all deserve better than this horrible lonely life. The shrill ring of the phone makes me jump, rushing to answer before it awakens the boys.

“Hello?” I know who it is before they speak.

“Hey there darlin’.”

“What time will you be getting here John? We all miss you.” He knows how I feel. I think he feels for me too, just too stubborn and stoic to ever say it out loud.

“That’s why I called sweetheart; I may not make it back until tomorrow night.” How did I know? Not like this is the first time he has broken a promise to one of us.

“John, the boys are expecting you here when they wake up. It is Dean’s birthday for Christ’s sake!” The frustration and anger clear in my voice.

“Watch the tone Y/n. They know stuff happens sometimes.”

“Really Winchester? They are kids! They should have their father here for their birthdays, Christmases. Not stuck in dingy motel rooms waiting to keep getting disappointed!” I know he loves his kids, but he shows it very poorly.

“Fine Y/n! I’ll be there later. That what’s gonna make you happy?” He is angry but I don’t care anymore.

“It is what will make your kids happy John! You know, the two boys I have here, taking care of for you!”

“I’ll be there later.” That is the last thing he says before he hangs up. I would scream in frustration if the kids were not here. I know what kind of man he is deep down, that is what hurts. His want for revenge overtaking all other priorities. My mind says he's the wrong kind of paradise and I’m gonna know it in a matter of time. My heart says to keep holding on, never let go. I might as well try to get some sleep before he gets here. The inevitable fight right around the corner. I curl up with Sam and drift to sleep.

“Y/n wake up.” I open to see John standing there, not incredibly happy.

“What John? I’m trying to sleep.” I am too tired and emotionally drained for this right now.

“You wanted me here, so I’m here. Now get up.” His voice is rough and haggard, the smell of whiskey on his breath.

“Your boys wanted you here.” I say slipping out of bed, trying not to wake Sam.

“Oh, so you don’t want me now sweetheart?” I could choke him.

“You know that is not what I meant John. Let’s just stop now. You’ve been drinking and this isn’t going to end well.” I really do not want to fight with him again. That has been pretty much all our conversations have been lately.

“Outside.” He is already out the door. Here we go.

“Yes John?” I cross my arms over my chest. Letting him know I have had quite enough.

“Who do you think you are to tell me how to raise my boys huh? I am their father! I know what is best!” John is inching closer, towering over me. It would normally be intimidating, but not tonight.

“I’ll tell you who I am! I am the woman you leave those boys with! The woman who must mend the broken hearts every time you break a promise! The woman you say you care about!”

“Y/n….Dad?” Oh no. I spin on my heels to see Dean peeking out the door. John is already barking orders before I can say anything.

“Back inside Dean. Now!” I flinch at how harsh he can be with these poor kids.

“But Dad…”

“I said now, Dean! You hear me?” I should have just kept my mouth shut. He wouldn’t be this angry and taking it out on Dean.

“Yes…” Dean’s voice so low it is pitiful.

“Yes what?” John asks, his chest puffed out like some sort of alpha male.

“Yes sir.” Dean turns and shuts the door. I am furious now.

“What the hell John? They are kids and you are their father! Not their damn drill sergeant!” John just stares, the anger shining in his eyes. We are toe to toe. Neither willing to back down just yet. After what seems like hours, his face softens a little as he hangs his head.

“Go get some sleep Y/n. We will finish talking in the morning when we have had time to cool off.” He lifts his lips in a half smile as leans and puts a light kiss on my forehead.

“Where are you going?” I ask curiously. He is not the type to back down that easily.

“Just going to calm down a little darlin’. I’ll be to bed soon, promise.”

“Ok John.” I hug his waist before I go back inside, both boys back to sleep. I lift Sam to move him to the bed with Dean. I cover them both and place kisses on their head before I lie down for the night. Hopefully, we can have a nice day tomorrow and have fun for Dean’s birthday. I curl up on my side of the bed, thinking that maybe everything will be ok as I drift to sleep.

Alone in the silence I wake up too soon and reach for his arms, but I just keep reaching on. The cold hard truth revealed what I had known. He was gone. I am alone in room, no sign him or the boys were ever here. I stare on disbelief; did I not mean anymore to him? Had I been imagining that he felt anything for me? Tears are staining my cheeks, knowing I will never see him or the boys again. I move to pack my things to go home. He was just another lesson in life, destined to deceive. The only option I have is to move on, but a wall has been built around my heart that will be hard to tear down. For I will never fall for someone that easily again. If John has taught me anything, it is to never give myself to another Walkaway Joe.

Tags: @flamencodiva​ @sorenmarie87​ @foxyjwls007​ @waywardbeanie​ @emoryhemsworth​ @voltage-my2dlove​ @hardcoresupernatural​ @marvelouslysherlockedhunter

[rambling-rabbit]

My Raven (Vampire Diaries oneshot)

Word Count: 2k

Pairings: Elijah x OC, and then Klaus x OC

AN: I forgot this is based on two songs: One Headlight by The Wallflowers (though I really like The Ready Set’s cover) and Snuff by Slipknot. I went through some stuff in high school lol. And that’s a reminder; I wrote this like 6 years ago. I heavily edited it, but I don’t think it’s a great piece of writing by any means. Anyway, I hope y’all enjoy!! :)

(I also think I wrote another part to this, so if anyone wants that I can dig it up)

So long ago, I don't remember when.

That's when they say I lost my only friend.

"I can't lose you, Elijah!" I yelled after him, black hair whipping around as I frantically tried to catch his face through the trees. He couldn't leave me, not like this. He promised. "Please, don't go." I could hear the vulnerability in my voice, where it hadn't been present in years. I felt sick to my stomach; he shouldn't be able to do this to me. I can’t believe I thought I was getting my happily ever after.

They say she died easy of a broken heart disease,

As I listened, through the cemetery trees.

"I'm sorry, my love. I must," his voice whispered out of the trees and I tried to follow him, but my legs were stuck like cement to the grass. The compulsion wouldn’t even let me sink to the ground to cry. "Our love is forbidden, and you are not safe with me." That didn't stop him from asking me to marry him, though, did it? "Don't fret, I will find you again." The overwhelming freezing sadness I had felt before was leached out of me and suddenly replaced with an anger that shot through my system, burning my blood. All I had done for months was fret about him; his father was out to kill him and he was finally deciding to leave me behind! I clenched my fists at my sides and breathed in slowly.

"Don't lie, 'Lijah!" I yelled out into the void, my voice stronger and clearer than before. "This is our goodbye forever." I could feel the heavy truth of my statement ring throughout the clearing. Sudden soft footsteps sounded somewhere to my right, but I resisted the urge to look at the man who had toyed with my heart for so long. "What are you waiting for? Leave already." My voice held no emotion anymore, even as tears dripped down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry," Elijah said again, sadder this time, and my heart cracked at the ridiculous amount of sincerity I thought I could hear in his voice, "I love you with all of my heart." I resisted an urge to snort, feeling a manic need to start laughing. If he loved me that much, he wouldn’t be doing this, and we both know it. "I give you my word that I will find you again," I gasped in a breath. His word meant everything to him. I immediately crushed the sprout of hope I wanted so badly to let grow in my chest. "Good-bye, my Raven." Then, he was gone, and the world around went black.

I looked up a few minutes later to see a new figure standing at the tree line. I got up mechanically and walked over to him.

"You seem different," he stated, smirking, no doubt having heard my and Elijah's conversation, "I wonder what could have happened?" This bastard, the man I had always thought of as a brother. How could I have been so stupid as to never see the monster inside. Every emotion in me seemed to bubble up all at once, it was overwhelming. I couldn’t focus, it felt like my brain and heart were being ripped out of my body. Closing my eyes, I focused on the absence I had been holding onto before. Meeting his eyes again, I could see he was taken aback at the coldness inside.

"Oh, nothing," I bluffed, turning around and walking away, "Just found a reason to turn off my humanity." I glanced back at him and smirked, the same smirk I had always seen on his face. I had learned from the best.

It always seemed such a waste,

She always had a pretty face.

I wondered why she hung around this place.

I woke up with an immense headache, again. My dream faded fast, but I knew what it meant. I glanced around and noticed my clothes strewn everywhere, but his were nowhere to be found. The shower turned on, and I silently moved into the middle of the floor. That dream could only mean one thing. 'Lijah was searching here. He couldn't find me so easily.

It was my fault he was so close. What was I thinking, crawling back to this bastard again? I sent a look of disgust at the door, even though it was fully directed at myself.

Using vampire speed, I picked up everything and got dressed. The skinny jeans came back on, along with the blue tank top and leather jacket. My sneakers were found in a vase and I had to pause for a moment to wonder when that happened. My nose crinkled as I realized the clothes in my own hotel room would have to stay there for quite a long time if I plan on getting out of this city before Elijah finds out I'm here.

If you love me,

let me go,

and run away before I know.

I could see the entrance to the hotel lobby. Freedom was in sight, mine for the taking. He wouldn't be able to question me on last night and Elijah wouldn't find me. Perfect.

"Hello there, love," his British accent almost made my knees buckle. I tell myself it's because it sounds so much like his brother's.

"What do you want, Klaus?" I asked snottily, trying to be nonchalant and pretend that nothing happened between us only a hand-full of hours ago.

“Why so cold, darling? Once upon a time we were almost siblings.” He gave that smile, the one made of slicing malice that gave a glimpse of the monster hiding inside. Although it seemed strange that he would bring up my previous engagement instead of the previous night, something about Klaus’s demeanor let me know that he’s the reason Elijah found me so quickly.

My heart is just too dark to care.

I can't destroy what isn't there.

“Yes, but unlike Kol or Finn, I don’t like you.” I answered, putting a bland smile on my face as I tried to hide how anxious I was to sprint out the door and never look back.

"Harsh, love." How does he know I love when he calls me that? I flinch inward at my own thoughts; now is not the time to get distracted. There isn’t anything to love about Klaus. He's a monster, murderer, and there's not a scrap of humanity in him! "I just came to say good-bye, Raven, since you seemed to have forgotten." I held my breath when he paused, watching that stupid smirk creep across his face. "But, about last night -"

"No!" My face heated at the thought of where that sentence was going, and I frantically glanced around, glad I hadn’t attracted too many stares. "It was a moment of weakness and it shouldn't have happened." Images from last night zoomed through my brain and I was incredibly glad that vampires couldn’t blush. 

"Now, see, I would believe you," Klaus took a few steps closer until I had to look up at him, "if this was the first time." He paused to see if I would interrupt, his dark eyes searching mine, but I wasn't entirely sure what to say. "May I remind you of just a few months ago when we didn't leave my room for three days except to hunt? Or how about New Years?" he was talking low so no one around would hear, but my advanced ears heard everything perfectly. He brought up some fair points, but I could never let him know what those nights meant to me. I laced my fingers behind my back so he wouldn’t see them shaking as I focused on breathing evenly. "And let me just say, the best was probably the night Elijah left you." Klaus's voice turned even colder than mine had been. The blood drained from my face and my mouth went dry. He had no right to bring that up. The worst night of my life played in my mind over and over again, bringing back the pain and the heartbreak that made me turn my emotions off in the first place.

I went to finally say something--what, exactly, I wasn’t sure--but this time he shushed me. "Just, give in and be happy. That's all I want from you, Raven. Be happy." He coaxed. There was an odd sort of tone in his voice; I would call it sadness, except Klaus was incapable of such a human emotion. "Don't keep running away every time we meet up." My breath went shaky as I thought about it. Being with him was as natural as breathing, even as he set my blood on fire and everything in me screamed to hold on tight and never let him go.

Klaus, the beautiful and blonde vampire, who could massacre a village and then turn and look into my soul with such softness it hurt. Why was it so hard to say no all of a sudden? It wasn't compulsion, but that was the only explanation for why I hadn't run away already. He was the reason my life ended, the reason I don’t have anyone to care for. He doesn’t deserve any compassion, not after everything he’s done. I shouldn’t want to lean in and press our lips together, order him to take me back to his room. I should care that Elijah is here, searching for me, and for the life we never got to have together. My head is spinning, and that wave of emotion I pushed away so long ago threatens to pull me under again.

If you still care,

don't ever let me know.

"I can't." The words sounded forced and weak, even to me. I clear my throat and look into his crystal blue eyes. "I can't." This time it comes out more firmly, and I can see a dash of hurt behind his usual facade. "Elijah was my true love.” The lies tumble from my lips, but I find strength in their falsehood. “Anything with you was done because of weakness and because I was emotionally unstable. Goodbye, Klaus." I pick up my bag and start walking away with my head held high. After all, I learned from the best.

We'll run until she's out of breath.

She ran until there's nothing left.

She hit the end,

it's just her window ledge.

Klaus sped in front of me and stared into my unemotional brown eyes. I could see the panic on his face for that split second, as if he really didn't want me to go. There was a world of words he was conveying, all too much for me to comprehend. Then, his features flattened, he stepped aside, and I walked out, trying not to show how surprised I was that Klaus let me see past his wall of emotional protection, even if it was only for a moment.

The second I was outside, tears started streaming silently down my face. I loved Klaus, almost always had. Ever since the night 'Lijah left, when he tried to help me pick up the pieces. I’ve pretended to forget how his actions affected me that night, but it was the first time I had felt alive since becoming a vampire. I thought my love for him was like a brother until that night, when I found out that my love for Klaus was so intense it scared me.

We wouldn't ever work, though. I sniffled and wiped my eyes as I stood against the wall outside the hotel. It would never work out. He was only after me as an ally. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. He was all for the kill and the power. How do I know he won't just kill me when I'm no longer useful? I can't trust him. My excuses feel weak, but they’re all I have.

Not bothering to glance around, I take off, already picking my next destination and leaving all of my problems behind.

If you still care, don't ever let me know...

[dzaneena]

2020 Recap, Onwards 2021!

New year always makes us think of how our previous year has been. It’s been a heck of a ride and I think it would be sort of a good way to remind ourselves of the hardships, lessons learned, and growth there’s been in the past year. Here’s how mine turned out. January

Oh, new year, new hope. I thought this would be the year I could make it mine. Get the things I’ve always wanted and spoil myself with every little thing I could not have when I was younger. Job is going well, financially stable and able, everything was fine. This month, I’ve purchased my first Macbook. Yes, apparently I’ve been sucked up into the apple ecosystem and now I want to experience all of it if I can. I did and I’m happy about this. It’s been a dream for someone who always had to save each meal into two so I could have it for my next meal just so I can save money.

February

Oh, the month of love! Yes, yes. I had the chance to travel to Thailand, being the temporary adopted child of a friend’s family. I was thrilled to be there and experience this one-of-a-kind experience. At this time, the virus was not that rampant with everything and there were no restrictions for travel. We thought everything was fine and would be fine. 

March

A week after arriving from our trip to Thailand, I got a text from one of my closest friends asking if I would like to spend a weekend in Vietnam with her. Well, of course I did! At this time, finances were a-ok! I could afford it. Plus, the food there was really good at a low price! We didn’t spend much on this trip. We just hung out and took photos here and there.  We arrived one day before the city announced General Community Quarantine. We were lucky to arrive at that exact day or we would have been stranded in another country for God knows how long. :( Work was feeling the effects of the pandemic already. 50% of our workmates were laid off. This was a sad, sad time. I couldn’t help but think of all our workmates who had to think of how to survive without work through this pandemic under the quarantine with little to no mobility. 

April

Work has been... work. Everyone had to cut their hours and get back to basic pay. I am thankful to still have work but this took a big hit with my finances, of course. I live alone. Recently paying off the house I’ve invested in from last year. 

This was also the month my friends practically forced me to play mobile games. Thank goodness they did! This was where all my rage/frustration was spent. 

May

Remember that house I invested in? Yeah, that went down the drain, literally lol. I’ve been having problems with leaks and puddles of water coming through the walls of the house which caused a chain of serious issues, health-wise and safety-wise. This was a hazardous house to live in. I guess it’s true what they say about things being “too good to be true”. I’ve tried to settle this with the landlord but I didn’t get not one penny back, not even my deposit. I’ve been paying this for over a year. Much, much regrets. There’s a whole lot that happened during this time. I had to move out and decided to just cut further losses and be done with it. I couldn’t sleep at night for no idea how many weeks/months because of all that money I’ve invested that just vanished. I still feel a weird kind of sadness every time it rains. It always flooded in that house whenever it rained. So you can see how much I relate to that movie “Parasite”. 

June

Lucky I have a house to still come home to. This was the previous house I lived in before purchasing that God-forsaken flooded house. I was adjusting and trying to make the best of what I could for the time being. I had a small renovation project as well. 

July

Renovation project going well and it was my joy to see how clients were happy about it. This was also the first time I was seeing my mother since January and it was only for a few hours because she had to go back to our hometown within 24 hours or else she would have to be quarantined. Traveling was such a pain during this time. We can’t even go visit our hometown to see our family.

On the bright side, I got to try out a lot of food (all home-cooked, of course). And I got to learn to cook some Korean food as well. I was well into the k-drama world for this whole time.

August

Kittens were growing up well. My cat gave birth in May but a lot of things happened then. I had 3 cats pregnant almost at the same time. Needless to say, we had to castrate our lover boy cat, Brutus. Though he had one last go before we did this and got another round of our cats getting pregnant. I can’t even. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Had the opportunity to do a product photoshoot for a local ice cream business. It was an amazing experience and it’s cool to think that people actually believe in my photography skills if I had any. LOL. 

September

My birth month. I found out that I wasn’t even worth one minute of people’s time to text me. LOL. Well, life goes on. (Insert BTS’ Life Goes On)

On the positive side, my boyfriend’s family decided to do a Korean dinner (Samgyeupsal, Kimchi Jjiggae, Tteokbokki) for my birthday. It was really sweet of them. 😭🥰 I couldn’t spend my birthday with any of my family but they spent it with me. I’m tearing up just writing this down hehehe thankful for this second family.

October

One of my closest friends was getting married. I kid you not, we were waiting for this day to happen ever since college. We travelled to the city where he was getting married with the Friendship Pause crew. (That’s a whole other story LOL) It was nice getting a nice moment down from all the crap we’ve been facing. 

I was also able to get back to my hometown for my mother’s birthday. Despite all the travel restrictions, we managed to push through. My eldest brother and I are the only ones not living in our hometown. 

November

Ahh, yes. The year is almost over but it still feels like we’re stuck in March. During the span of the year lately, I’ve been actively looking for a second job for extra income. And thankfully, because I’m such a “never give up, never surrender” kind of person, I’ve landed a few jobs project-based for this year. I’ve been a graphic designer, personal assistant, transcriptionist, food photographer, social media manager assistant, etc.  I’ve also landed my latest job from a start-up company. It’s amazing how some people can see your grit and potential. I pray we all get to do what we want to do in life so it won’t be such a chore to do. My first (online) job is the very first job that I actually enjoy and everyday, I am really excited to get work done. Hoping that this company recovers from the economic hit of the pandemic fast. 

December

Ahh, the last month for this challenging year. What could be in store for us? I think this pandemic has hit us physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and financially. It also makes you realize things. I realized that I’m no one’s go-to friend. I’m just that extra friend right there when you need me to be. Not a particular someone you call when something’s up. That’s okay, I guess. We can’t be everybody to...well, everybody! Haha! 

I’ve been into tech lately and with all the gaming I was doing, I created a gaming page somewhere along in those past months. Streaming games was one of my stress relievers. Hopefully, if I can have a stable source of income, I’ll be able to do this full-time seeing that traveling is still out of the picture.  All in all, this was such a shitty year. There are a lot of in-betweens that happened this year and I had to just highlight some things but basically, it’s just been so hard. I know I’m probably not the only one struggling and trying to survive on a daily basis. I am thankful that I have a job (3 actually, 4 if you count our online business on hiatus) and I am still able to put food into my stomach. But sometimes, we just need a good cry and some ice cream maybe.

If you’ve read this far, thank you! Thank you for actually caring to read my thoughts and random stuff I have in mind. We may not see each other but please know that I really appreciate your effort. 

On a lighter note, I hope everyone will be happier this coming 2021. Stay safe!

[loveisblindfanfictionbka]

Love Is Blind: Chapter Four

Leandra and Melissa sat at the cafe table with Robyn and she told them about her conversation with Chris. 

“So he’s got you thinking exactly what we’ve been telling you all these years,” Melissa mused.

“No, he just has me questioning if there was something in my marriage that I missed,” Robyn replied.

“I think you should meet him, Robs,” Leandra interjected, “you two seem to have a really good understanding.”

“No, we have a good thing going. I don’t want to ruin that.”

“I don’t think you want to be happy.”

“I do want to be happy but on my own terms. And I’m not ready. Talking to him made me think about my ex and just reminded me that I really still love him. And I don’t want to. I swear I don’t want to but something has this hold on me and-”

“We get it. Y’all were together for a long time.”

“It’s not just that. It’s- you ever meet someone and you just know that they’re it? Well he was it for me.”

“So what do you call this thing with Christian?”

“A friendship. I have no interest in making it more than that.”

“You ever been to therapy?”

“I tried it for a few weeks but I didn’t get anywhere.”

“Maybe you should try it again.”

“I don’t know.”

“Robyn, do you like being miserable or something? Is that the only thing still connecting you to Chris? Because if not, I don’t understand your apprehension to getting better.”

“I want to get better, I’m just scared of what that means.”

“Well Sis, you’ll never find out until you try.”

Robyn sat back in her office after returning from lunch with Leandra and Melissa. She didn’t have any appointments until 3 unless any emergencies came in so she had time to just think. She grabbed her phone and went to her dating app

A: Are you available to talk?

A few minutes went by before she got an answer

C: Sure, I just finished my last class. What’s up?

A: My friends think I should go to therapy

C: Ok. What do you think?

A: I’m not ready.

C: Why do you think that?

A: I don’t want to spill my guts to a stranger. Not when there’s someone who deserves it more

C: Deserves what? Your anger or your feelings?

A: My anger

C: So tell that person

A: I don't know where he is

C: So find him. I doubt your ex-husband was like some CIA type

A: Lol, no but I don’t think I’m ready to talk to him either

C: Do you ever think you’ll be ready?

A: I’m not sure

C: I think you’re thinking about it too much. Honestly, therapy should be for you and no one else. If you aren’t ready you won’t do anything but waste your money because you’ll fight everything at every turn. Nothing penetrates if you aren’t ready to hear it. And even if the therapist does happen to get through to you, it will not give you the closure that you’re seeking. The questions you want answers to, only your ex-husband can answer

A: I hate that you’re right.

C: Lol, there’s a lot of trauma that influences this rightness

A: Unfortunately. How are you? Was rude of me not to ask that first

C: You had something important to say, no worries. I’m fine. I was talking to my daughter and she wants a puppy

A: What kind?

C: Not sure yet. We’re gonna do some research before we make a decision

A: That’s good. I’ve had a lot of puppies be sent to my shelter because people didn’t pick the right dog for their lifestyle

C: That must suck. Do you have any pets?

A: No, I’m not home enough

C: Ah, understandable

A: would the puppy be your first pet?

C: No, I had a dog when I was a child but in my old profession, me and my ex were never home enough, it was always something with either my job or hers

A: That’s understandable. 

C: You ready for your gala?

A: Physically? Yes. Emotionally? No. I’m working on convincing myself not to cancel

C: Is it really that hard?

A: Yes but I made a promise to my employees and stuff so I really do want to honor that

C: Do you need another incentive?

A: Depends on what you’re suggesting

C: How about a gift? Just for your effort of going to this event

A: And how am I supposed to get said gift?

C: I can mail it. Do you have a secure mailing address you would like me to send it to?

Robyn thought about her random PO Box that she uses when she doesn’t want to give out her work or home address.

A: PO Box 124, New York, NY 10003. Do I get to know what the gift is beforehand?

C: Nope. I’ll send it and make sure it arrives the morning of your gala. Think that’ll work?

A: I guess but I’m nervous about what it could be

C: You’ll see

A: And do you have a secure mailing address?

C: PO Box 762, Middletown, NY 10940

A: Upstate. Do you travel to the city every day or?

C: No, I have a condo near Columbia. I stay during the week then go home on the weekends. 

A: How many hours of a drive?

C: Actually like 2 hours. It gives me some peace from the loud city life and gives my daughter some balance.

A: What’s it like up there?

C: Very spacious. I live in a somewhat rural part of Middletown. I have a couple acres of land surrounding my house.

A: I can’t even imagine what that would look like. Even when I lived in California, I was in the busiest part.

C: I think I appreciate it because I’m older now. I definitely enjoyed living in the city when I was in Cali

A: It holds a beautiful sense of excitement

C: Do you live near your business or far away?

A: I have an apartment nearby but I might start looking for a house soon. Maybe renovate a brownstone

C: That’s always a good deal. Would you rent out?

A: Nah. I don’t have the energy to keep up with being a landlord. It’s a job within itself

C: Very true.

A: I’m guessing you should be going, is your daughter school age?

C: She goes to a headstart program at a private school since she’s only 3 but they keep her until around 5 in aftercare. I usually have a late class today but I canceled it

A: Oh. Is something wrong?

C: No, I’d just rather not be out and about this evening.

A: Ah. Well thanks for talking with me. I got an appointment coming in soon

C: Anything major?

A: Nope. Just a check up

C: Well if you have time, I’d love to talk to you again

A: Talk or chat?

C: Talk

A: My clinic closes at 7 so I should be home by 8

C; And dinner?

A: I’ll probably grab something on the way home

C: So how about a dinner date then? We’ll eat and keep each other company

A: I’d like that

C: Great. See you at 8

A: See you at 8

Robyn closed her app then rested her head on her desk. She was drained.

                                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So what color is her dress? Jessica asked as she and Chris stood in the florist shop. 

“It’s navy blue.”

“I think this corsage would be perfect. It’s simple, elegant and can be pinned to the dress instead of being situated on her wrist.”

Chris walked over the piece his sister was referring to. It contained a navy blue rose, a white rose and some baby breaths, “I like that one.”

“Do they deliver to PO Boxes?”

“Yea, that’s why I picked this shop and it’s fairly close to the Post Office where her PO Box is.”

“Why didn’t you just get her work address?”

“The whole point is to be strangers. Giving me her work address would defeat that purpose. She’s an established vet, I could probably look up her work address and find her, which, again, defeats the point.”

“Do you know what she looks like?”

“Not really. Her photo was a full body shot so the closer you zoom in the blurrier it gets. Same as mine.”

“And that doesn’t worry you? What if she’s ugly?”

Chris laughed, “what does that matter? We don’t ever plan on meeting each other. 

Besides I’m not allowed to be nice to a possibly physically unattractive woman?

“You know that’s not what I’m saying. It’s just- I don’t understand this whole online dating thing”

“There’s nothing to understand because we’re not dating.”

“Yea. Right.”

“We are both in rebuilding stages of our lives and we like talking to each other. That’s all. If I was interested in more, I’d definitely would’ve insisted on meeting her or just moved on by now.”

“You told her about your nervous breakdown and suicide attempt. You haven’t even told your ex-wife that and you want me to believe you’re not dating.”

“Yes because we aren’t.”

“You’re buying her gifts?”

“I buy my friends gifts all the time.”

“You told her about Anesa.”

“And?”

“You talk almost everyday.”

“I’m not seeing your point.”

“My point is you’re dating this woman.”

“Jessica, big sister, I am not dating anyone. I like her, yes but that’s as far as it goes. I need a friend and she’s one for me. That’s it. That’s all.”

“You are so in denial, Chris.”

“I’ve accepted my situation, you’re the one with the conspiracy theories.”

“I’m just saying, I don’t want an ugly sister in law especially not after my last one. She was gorgeous and the point is to upgrade not backslide.”

“You get on my nerves, Jess.”

Jessica laughed, “is this all you’re getting for your friend?”

“Just because you said it like that, I am returning you home and finishing this adventure by myself.”

“Come on, don’t be like that Little Brother.”

“Then stop making this a bigger deal than what it is.”

   This was definitely a big deal. Robyn stared at the box of things Chris had delivered to her PO Box and her heart melted a bit. The flower corsage with navy and white roses was beautiful. She loved the card that came attached but what shook her was the books he had gifted. One night they had stayed up talking about literature and she mentioned that she loved poetry but never had the time to really build up a collection. Wrapped with a red bow were two compilations of black poets. The note under the bow stated, “I’d like to contribute the first books to your poetry collection. It’s always good to start with the essentials (smile).”

Robyn grabbed one of the books and sat down in a chair just as Leandra walked in with her hairstylist beside her.

“What’s all this?” Leandra asked.

“My friend sent me a gift.”

“Your online friend?”

“Yes.”

“Wow, he must really like you.”

“I like him too.”

“Did you send something back?”

“I just got this, this morning so I’m still thinking.”

“How’d he get your address?”

“He doesn't have it. I gave him my PO Box.”

“Oh your stalker box.”

“Don’t start, Lele.”

“So how you feel?”

“I’m ok. I still don’t wanna go.”

“Girl, I ain’t talking about this stupid ass gala. How do you feel about Chris?”

“What am I supposed to feel? I really love the gifts but that’s it”

“I’m looking at your face and it’s more than that.”

“He got me poetry books.”

“What? You found someone to indulge your weird ass literature taste.”

“Look, just because you only like sex books doesn’t make my taste weird. I am cultured.”

“I have a master’s degree too so save it. How’d he know to get that?”

“We had a conversation about books and I told him I always wanted to start a collection of poetry but never had the time nor knew where to start and I guess he remembered.”

“What made him send you a gift?”

“It was a little joke about how he could get me to not back out of the gala. I honestly wasn’t expecting him to go through with it but he did.”

“A man who keeps his word. He really likes you.”

“I know.”

“So...still never gonna meet him in person?”

“That was never part of the deal.”

Leandra groaned as she flopped down on the couch, “are you at least gonna get some from somebody at this gala?”

“Ewww….no. I’m staying at most an hour then coming back home.”

“Have you talked to Chris?”

“Not today.”

“Do you only chat on the app?”

“Yea.”

“Oh.”

“Why?”

“I thought you would’ve gotten his phone number by now.”

“Nah, that’s too personal. I wouldn’t give my number to someone I haven’t met yet.”

“So meet him.”

“No.”

“Ugh….you get on my nerves, Robyn.”

Robyn laughed, “what’s your plans for tonight?”

“Getting the baby from his father and going home.”

“How is my nephew?”

“He’s good.”

“And his father?”

“Still alive, unfortunately.”

“Don’t do Max like that.”

“He gets on my nerves.”

“How?”

“He keeps asking me if we’re getting back together.”

“Aww...Lele, he still loves you.”

“That’s not my problem.”

“And you still love him too. You always playing hard to get.”

“Ch….I am hard to get. Thank you very much.”

“Is that why y’all keep going on vacations together?”

“If a man wants to take me to Puerto Rico or Costa Rica free of charge, who am I to say no?”

Robyn laughed, “Lord, what are we gonna do with you?”

“Love me, duh.”

Leandra stayed until Robyn was ready to leave for the gala. As she climbed into the back of car, she grabbed her phone

A: Hey stranger

A few minutes passed before she received an answer.

C: Hey. How are you?

A: I’m great. On my way to the gala

C: Still decided against an escort?

A: Yea. Besides, I don’t plan on staying there long.

C: Ah ok

A: So….thank you for the gifts. The corsage is perfect for my dress

C: You’re very welcome. My sister helped me pick that out.

A: Tell her I said thank you

C: I will

A: So what are you up to?

C; Laundry and grading work

A: What’s the task this week?

C: Students had to craft an original piece of music modeled after a piece they enjoy so I’ve been listening to music tracks all day

A: How’s it sounding?

C: I’ve gotten a few good ones but what passes for music and what these students are modeling their pieces after is awful. 

A: That bad?

C: Some of these songs just can’t find a key and then when I listen to their reference tracks, I understand why. Music production has gotten so lazy over the years

A: You think so?

C: I’m gonna send you the best one I’ve heard and the worst one and tell me what you think

A: I’m getting homework now too, Professor

C: Lol. I just want you to hear what I’m dealing with

A: Send it. I’ll get back to you when I can

C: No rush. I’ll be home all weekend with this.

A: Cool. How’s the puppy search going?’

C: Good. We’ve narrowed it down to three puppies. I told her she has one week to pick one and then we’ll find a place to buy it.

A: As a shelter owner, please try and get a shelter dog. So many of them are good dogs that were in bad situations.

C: I will keep that in mind.

A: That’s all I ask

C: So what’s your plans after the gala?

A: Home.

C: Up for a video chat?’

A: Absolutely. I kinda miss your automated voice

C: Lol Same here

A: Anything else going on

C: Nope. I live a rather simple life.

A: Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

C: To be honest, I’m not quite sure

A: Something giving you doubts

C: My daughter told me she feels sad for me

A: Aww...why?

C: Because I’m alone. It’s kinda hard to explain to a three year old the difference between alone and lonely

A: Lol true but then don’t explain with words, show her with actions. She probably thinks you don’t have a life and for children, they haven’t commanded the power and beauty of peace and stillness. They still have so much they haven’t explored

C: You have a point

A: Honestly, if you find things to do when she’s not around, she’ll probably feel a bit better about you

C: I’ll have to find me a new hobby then

A: What’s your current hobby?

C: I don’t really have one to be honest. My job involves music now so it’s not really a hobby anymore

A: It could be, it’s not like you make music for your class, do you?

C: Not recently

A; Do you sing, play instruments? What?

C: I have a decent voice but I play the piano, the guitar, and can do alright by the saxophone

A: What type of music do you prefer to play?

C: Nothing like an old school soul song. I love playing Sade records on the sax

A: I might have to compel you to play for me one day

C: I would offer to play tonight but my instruments are in storage

A: No rush. It’s just a thought

C: I’d love to play for you though

A: You making me feel inadequate

C: In what way?

A: The gifts. The music offers. Doesn’t feel like we’re on even footing

C: Well only you know what you have to offer. Find what works. I’m always open for gifts or moments

A: I’m gonna have to think of something. Thank you for the poetry books by the way. It’s a good start of a collection

C: The classics are always your best bet

A: I’m a little surprised you remembered

C: Why? 

A: It was such an odd conversation and it was late when we had it, surely you wouldn’t have remembered it

C: That’s a weird assumption. If there is one thing I’ve learned from being married, it’s learning to listen just as much as you like to talk. Reciprocity is the key.

A: Very true.

C: Are you at the gala yet?

A: Just pulled up

C: Well I hope you have a good night for however long you are there

A: I hope they do the award ceremony first so I can get my award and leave

C: If I gotta try and find a life, you need to live yours. You never know you may enjoy the time

A: We’ll see. Talk to you later

C: Later 

[runfast-runfar]

Quarantine Days

10/29/20

✨Yesterday was such an emotionally draining day. And so all of today I honestly felt like I was just trying to reel myself back from that.

✨Wednesdays are my long days, so yesterday I had classes all day, and then in between two of my classes I met up for coffee with Finley’s owner and she gave me a few things. The finley mask she got made before she passed away, but honesty I love it still. She gave me Finley’s favorite toy (the monkey) which smells like her and I came home and cried for like an hour. She gave me her little lion toy too. A scrapbook with lots of the pictures of finley over the years. Some of them I took to send to her and others her owner took. An amythest stone. A super special handmade ash stone. It’s man made and has Finley’s name, and her ashes are infused in the rock. And then her owner gave me this lotion because whenever I stayed over to watch fin it was the scent of their house and I mentioned one time years ago how the smell of her home felt like a little safe haven, a home from home.

✨So I was emotional from that. And then I’ve been talking with my friend who I’m getting Saoirse from soon and it’s just a heart breaking situation overall. Saoirse’s story in general is awful, and then my friend Nicole’s battle with cancer is so unfair. It’s a long (and private story I’m not going to detail bc it is not my story to share) but I made a promise to Nicole that Saoirse will have a home with me if she can’t home her for any reason. And with her diagnosis what her future entails is uncertain. But I promised her that Saoirse would never know abandonemnent or abuse ever again and that I will keep her if it’s needed. I mean, look at her though.... I would die for her, and Thea, so even if I end up getting into serious trouble (hopefully I don’t though) I’d do it again and again. For both Nicole and Saoirse. And for me. With covid and the whole world right now, I need the unconditional love these animals bring into our lives. The details to how Nicole found Saoirse and how I became involved are honestly too coincidental to be anything but fate. It’s all connected in such profound ways I can’t even begin to describe how much I know this is a bond meant to be.

✨Fast forward to today, could NOT sleep last night for the life of me... I was up until 3:40am and then woke up at 5:50 and could not go back to bed. But thea does this thing where every single morning when I begin to wake up, she curls up under the covers with me and lays her face against my face for snuggles. She sleeps on my bed every night, but next to my shoulder or on top of my legs above the covers. She only comes under the covers to sleep/snuggle for half and hour/45 minutes before I get up. Ugh... I love her. Really, REALLY hoping she takes to Saoirse well (and Saoirse to her!!) 🤞

✨I worked today from 10-3pm with my favorite boss, so that was nice :) And then came home from work and went on an hour bike ride.

✨I was going to come home and get homework done, but honestly, I am so emotionally drained, and just sluggish and tired. So I’m not even going to try tonight.

✨Tomorrow morning I’ll get up and do some homework first thing. Then my brother and I are going climbing for a few hours midday. Thennn I’m going over to a friends house for an art night! That’ll be really nice. That just means my Saturday and is going to be crammed with homework because on Sunday I’m going to the California Academy of Sciences with Kayla!!!! Ahhhh! So excited to be going back after literally 6 whole months!!! I’m kinda fucking myself over in regards to homework this weekend. But it’s okay. I’ll be paying for it the following weekend lol

✨I hope you’re all well ❤️