#chrianna

[calypso-finale]

Hundred Twenty.

London traffic makes me angry, like this shit is just a waste of time and I hate it, I always like to do stupid shit but I have the police parked right behind me in this traffic so I am just sat here waiting with Rylee on the phone, I mean we aren’t speaking but I am just here, she is talking to someone so I am waiting really “ok sorry, I am back” she said “you know what, I actually hate the way wat you say Tion name, it sounds slutty, as you say” Rylee snorted laughing “shut up!” she spat “I was baffled you use that term, slutty, that sounds weird coming from you and that accent of yours” I miss her, she has been in Italy for two days now “well blame my friends, what can I say but do you seriously think I sound slutty saying his name? Be real, I am more like telling him to do his job” I sniggered “I am joking, but what he do, I thought you like Tion. That day when I called you a dickhead, he was side eyeing me and glaring at me like I was the opp” looking in my rearview mirror, I swear I wish the police weren’t there “well he is protecting his woman!” she spat “oh woman? Oh is it, right now there is a bunch of girls in the car next to me and they are looking, I am going to put the window down just to piss you off” Rylee gasped “I was joking!” she can shout all she wants, putting the volume down “nah, you annoyed me now” putting the window down “alright” I said, the scream they let out “damn, relax. It’s ok, y’all good?” I asked, “traffic is jarring isn’t it” oh they recording now “it’s the best thing, I love you so much and you’re better in person, oh my god!” the girl said “that is funny, thank you. Y’all ain’t from around here?” I questioned “we just came to London for a hen party! We are from Liverpool” letting out an oh “I heard about you Liverpool girls, wild” I grinned “we party the best Cench” nodding my head “I bet, but I appreciate the love, I could hear you chanting my name for a while now. I just didn’t want to have people peeping and that you know, it’s all love” waving them off, putting the window back up “you’re a dick” putting the volume back up “then don’t chat shit then” finally this shit is moving “mhmm I didn’t mean it, you was flirting and I know you was smiling from the way you was talking, I am not happy” switching lanes because I want to get rid of the police really “then we can be not happy together, it’s romantic” I laughed to myself, she is pissed off and I know it.

Rylee has stayed on the phone with but quiet “I am here now you know, so we equal?” she scoffed “well whatever, why did you do that?” she asked “because you literally called Tion your man, I don’t know this guy! I don’t care, he was mean mugging me the last time I peeped, like I don’t care. You could like this guy, how do I fucking know?” she went silent on the phone “fine, ok I did annoy you so you’re at the place then? Is my dad there” seeing him get out of the car with Aziel “he is here, whatever though” I shrugged “Oakley, please. He does adore you a lot and he does feel bad, let him talk to you and make it up to you, do not be stubborn and make him the victim, please. Listen to me in things, this is what I know. Just let him do the running, he knows he fucked up and he did bad just don’t talk down to him please, for me. I know you pissed off with him but please” I sighed out “alright, I am going now. Talk later if you can, don’t work too hard with Tion” I had to mention it “shut up!” she spat “I love you, I miss you so much” grabbing my phone from the handle and getting out of the car “I love you too Lee, you have to see me as soon you land babe” Aziel ran to me “that isn’t for a few days, but I will call you tonight your time, bye” disconnecting the call “I missed you! Where have you been” I always love when he holds my legs, like for him that is a hug “I am home!” he spat “well not my home was it” picking him up “I have missed you, you know that” he nodded his head “papa here” he pointed “I can see, you ready for boxing? Get all that pent up naughtiness out of you” he grinned “hey” I said to Chris “what’s up?” he said back “you got his bag?” I asked “oh yeah, it’s here” I am going to keep it neutral with him.

I chuckled at Aziel, him skipping is the funniest thing but he is trying to do it, the trainer is trying to get him to comply but his legs ain’t doing it “he is funny” Chris said “he is” I added “I can tell he appreciates these moments, the way he looks over to check you’re still there to watch him, that’s love” nodding my head “well this is on my list as the first thing to do with him, I rather stay here in London so I can do this with him, instead of him hitting kids he can learn discipline, it’s nice” Aziel ran over to us “big workout today” he is huffing and puffing, passing his water to him, he pointed “I punch now” I think his favourite part is his little fists punching those bags “you’re Chris Brown” some child came over to us, Aziel looked at him “you’re Cench” he pointed “no my dad, and it’s papa” he put his foot down with that “your dad is him” he pointed “this my dad” ran into me “my dad” reaching over to the kid and dapping him “I peeped you out there, you good” he smiled “thank you” he said “go on, go” taking the water bottle from him “he is too proud of his pops” I sighed out “yeah, I mean it’s whatever, I don’t think it’s hard to be better then my own dad, you know. He ain’t shit really is he” I said “Oakley, I am sorry” he apologised “it’s fine, we can be cordial. It’s just ruined init because them two are still texting, so allow it. We can’t be what we are because your daughter reached out to Juke, and that ain’t something you going to like so I think for Rylee we be cool for that” looking at him, he ain’t liking what he is hearing “he showed me the message and she messaged him first, I just don’t want it. So us, the bond we had we might as well forget” Chris put his head down “ok” he just said, he can’t control his anger and what is even the point in it, we can just be cordial, I know him as much as he knows me, and I know he is big mad now.

Aziel wanted to go for ice cream, but he wanted me there as well, this kid is annoying because I am having to be here with Chris even longer “Oakley” Chris said, looking up from my phone “look, you know I don’t give a fuck about anyone, I do not care for anyone besides my own, but I care about you, I came here not to babysit Aziel, but for you. I look at you as my own and I am sorry, I am sorry I came at you the way I did; I am sorry I wasn’t there for you with your dad. I let you down, I know I did and that hurt you because you needed me, I know Oakley you are let down by me. You needed me even if you didn’t verbally say it and I wasn’t there, I wasn’t there in Guyana with you and then when you came back, you saw me, and I came at you. I regret it, my regret is I came at you, and for that I am sorry. Come on man, I know you. I hung out with you for too long to know you, you needed me, and I wasn’t there. You did what you needed to do for him, look I am fed up. I can’t keep chasing these grown girls anymore, or be beating people up, I am done. I saw red with Juke and yeah, I did knock him over, it was stupid of me, but you and I know I do a lot for these girls, but I can’t do anymore, Imani is the last of it and I am done. Emi, I hope I am dead because I can’t do it anymore. I haven’t even apologised to Herb, I punched him, but I came to you because it’s upsetting me to know you feel that, you lost your dad, and you was falling apart, and I promised I would come but I came to you like that. Oakley I am so sorry bro” I swallowed hard “I have so much care for you, you know that. Tell me, I want to hear it” I know what Rylee wants, I don’t want to make her life difficult either, but I know Chris cares, he is genuine.

I huffed out “look Juke is what he is, but he is my only brother. And it does take two, when you came to me about Rylee, and that all happened I took it yeah but with Juke he isn’t me, I knew where he was, as much as he is what he is, he can be led astray, this is why I got blame when he got stabbed he is stupid. Imani was to blame too but she didn’t get that, she got a little sprinkle of shouting, but you didn’t show that guy that came to the apartment when Rylee was pregnant and shouting, knocked me out, Imani got a holiday, but my brother could have been killed. I get it, you can be angry all you want, you have a right too, but she is of age, and she isn’t a stupid girl as you all make it seem to be, Juke comes to me, he shows me, he said to me he is scared but she is at this point harassing him, putting it on him. I uhm, I ain’t her dad, and you can do as you please, but I know Rylee been through a hell of a lot more with you then any of Ti and Imani put together, I was there, I saw it. You wasn’t even there for him, the hate you held for Rylee was deep, but you was hurt, I took that, but you don’t think that hurts Ti and Rylee, you let Imani off with it, people around got hurt instead. I am upset with you Chris, because at that time I lost my dad and so did Juke, you wanted me to lose my brother, you could have punched him instead really. Then you came at me, fucked up way too, that hurt” Chris is silent, he ain’t mad at all “I did need you, you right, I needed you to tell me fucking relax, but you wasn’t, and it’s happened now, but like maybe time will heal thing but things will change in many ways, and at the end of the day we will have a connection more then ever now, including Juke” I take Chris’ silence as he knows I am right.

Chris nodded his head slowly “I have regrets with Rylee, even when Robyn called me and told me. I did say she was dead to me; I wasn’t there for the birth, I wasn’t there for any of it, you right. I did a lot of things to her; I wanted her so hidden that she didn’t exist. She is scarred from pregnancy because of me, from her pictures to baby shower to her being hidden. It was calculated by me to her mother and fed down, I made everything hell, and yeah Imani is being let off lightly more than the older two, because I don’t know how to punish a girl that doesn’t understand, I don’t Oakley. I am sorry, I am sorry that I am this way. I took it too far, honest truth but we don’t know what to do with her, that is a decision we still thinking of. I am so proud of Rylee and Tianna, both of them girls. But see it from my point of view, my guy you was older then her, I was mad, but I did take it too far. And I treated you like my son, and I still do. I just want us to go back to how we was, I do. I promise to not ever do that to you or Juke, I won’t, if I do see him again. No matter, he is your family” nodding my head “and not being there for you with your dad, I am sorry” I took in a deep breath “wasn’t worth you coming though, you never came did you” I questioned “you say that, but I wasn’t worth the flight, was I? You took care of me through cancer, I see you as more, my dad wasn’t there for me, you was when I had cancer, when I needed you for other shit, but you didn’t come for that. Allow it though, just allow it” I got up from the chair “I will be back” I said to Aziel.

Aziel is just so quiet, but I feel bad “I am proud of you, you won the award. I posted you on my page” I turned my phone to him “me!?” he spat “yes, and Dave said he big proud of you too, and he can’t wait to see you soon” he grinned “I am so proud of you with how far you come with that boxing venture, you putting in work too son, I see it” my son is so happy “the family is coming down” he said to me “yeah Lee was saying” I mumbled “Oakley, I do need to make it up to you, I was wrong. And you did expect more of me minus the whole Juke thing, I never did come, and I wasn’t there. You lost your dad, I get it. But hand on my heart, and it sounds soppy, but I love you a lot, you my own” looking at Chris “I get it, but you should be aware that Imani is still in contact with my brother, she messaged him first” I want him to know that “I don’t care about that” he is upset about what I have said really “Aziel, Chris is going to take you home ok. I have to go now, dad has things he needs to do with Slawn and the gang, give me hug” he got up from the chair “I call you please” I chuckled “yes you can call me, you better say goodnight to me alright” hugging him “big proud of you though” pressing a kiss to the top of his head “see you soon ok” he nodded his head, looking at Chris “see you soon” Aziel hasn’t let me go yet “I miss you” I cooed out “so do I but I need to go now, so please” he sighed out “bye dad” he is so cute “won’t be gone for long” walking off, I do have things I have to do, that ain’t a lie with all that.

Sitting next to Walid, he is editing my thing. I am excited for it “look what Ed said though” he clicked on the clip “Central Cee my boy, and Rylee. It was such a pleasure to be in the moment with you and wish you both the best” I cooed out “and Wadz” he clicked on the clip “I am going to try and keep it short from the sandpit to now, bro I am so happy for you. It’s a different thing when you come from where we come from, love was never on the list and was never going to be easy. To see this, I may shed a tear and Rylee, you make my boy happy and you are always welcoming when I see you, so yeah. I love you both a lot, and Aziel. We excited, see mom and pops married yeah” Aziel nodded his head smiling “he like I do not care I am out just out with the boys” he laughed out “this is cute, like to see all the thing, appreciate it. Oh she is calling me” answering Rylee call “are you in bed?” no hi or nothing “I am with my friends why? You feeling a little heated” Walid snorted laughing “oh why would you say that with boys there! Maybe but it doesn’t matter now, you affected my dad, what did you say to him?” Rylee is on heat, why didn’t I go Italy “I said what I had to say, like I am hurt so I had to say it, what he say?” I wonder what he said “that he feels really bad, that his behaviour was too much, you spoke like a grown man to him, he seen a change” rubbing the back of my neck “well I am entering the next stage of my life I have too, but I also did it for you, because I know you want us to get on so I had to say it, but if he is upset about then maybe he has took in what I said” Rylee sighed out “true, why aren’t you home, asshole” she is big mad “because I am not, just use a picture or something, I am sure you have some” which she does “no I wanted you to talk dirty to me with that British accent, ugh. I hate you” she is a trip “you’re so stupid” I laughed out “no you are! You could have spoke some nasty shit to me, I needed it” I can’t stop laughing “stop it” she is making me go red, she is crazy.

[calypsoff3]

Fifty Seven.

Robyn is an emotional wreck; she really is so emotional about today and I am so calm about it all. It’s a new era for our eldest and I am really not sure how to feel really, I am scared because she is going to enter the big world now and she will soon become the independent woman, I know she is the brightest girl I know, she isn’t stupid and even though she plays around a lot she is literally the most brightest girl, she isn’t dumb at all and I really think she gets her brains from me, I will take that but I am proud of her and whatever she is going to do next. I feel sad because I miss that small girl telling me what to do, she is growing now what can I say about it “mom, dad I will be going there early. I will drive myself there” raising an eyebrow “I drive now dad, so I will see you all there” nodding my head “why is mom still crying” I laughed “she can’t stop, I told you she is sensitive” making my way over to Rylee  “I wish I could say stop growing but it’s only upwards now, you know” Rylee smiled “I know, it’s erm, it’s scary because I already feel like I have lost friends, I don’t know but you know, I think some were jealous of me to be honest and for me to get into NYU too, I think it’s me and a few others, like five I think that got the best performing but I accept the hate, I won’t be here for long. I will then be moving to New York and I will find other friends, I guess” stuffing my hands in my pockets “you and North not friends?” I hope they are, they are having a joint party “oh we are friends, North isn’t my only friend but people change dad. And it didn’t take people long to change” this is just the start for her “Rylee you will learn that the people you leave school with, they aren’t really going to be on the journey with you. And you do find out that they were lowkey haters, you should be the proudest of yourself, imagine that. NYU, I am proud of you, but I am also feeling it” I smiled “your baby is grown” I chuckled “yeah, yeah. That little girl that would tell me I can’t cook and I must order pizza because you are hungry and this was ten at night on a school night or you telling me that I just want to be like mom, and I will be just like her and you on the right road to be the next person to take over Fenty, I know you will ace it” Rylee’ lower lip quivered “what is wrong with you now?” what is with the women “will I always be your baby dad” I chuckled “always, stop it” wrapping my arm around her, now she got me teary eyed “proud of you Rylee, I am really so happy with you” Rylee sniffled “now my make up is ruined” we both laughed.

Sitting down next to Robyn in the crowd of parents at the school, I hate wearing suits. My balls be getting caught up in the pants at times, and the pants ride up every time “my first American graduation” Robyn said looking around “oh I forget that you’re foreign” Robyn’ looked at me “you married one” nodding my head “I just didn’t know what you was saying, I agreed to disagree” she nudged me “shut up” Raihan made his way over to me, picking him up and placing him on my lap “are we going to see Rylee?” Imani asked, “we are indeed, might be a long wait though” the kids should be silent for a while, we got them candy because honestly it’s boring “do you remember yours?” Robyn asked “erm I was high, if we are being real” Robyn shook her head “of course you was, no sense in that brain of yours” looking up “hi” Kim waved “you sat ahead of us? Who would have thought” I said “hi Saint” the way Imani yelped out to say hi to Saint, even I side eyed her “oh Rylee came to pick up North and they was singing so loud as they left, least our children have made a great bond” little does Kim know Robyn has been trying to break that bond for a while now, Robyn finds North a nasty child, but let me not “I told North that we have to fly out so we can’t do a party so she is not aware, it’s going to be nice to do a joint one at my house” Kim just loves to talk “we appreciate it, I think they will enjoy it more anyways being together” Robyn said, but Robyn did this for personal gain, so our house won’t be a mess.

North has already walked, so I think Rylee will be coming up soon. I did tell the kids that this is boring because Raihan has now fallen asleep but I am waking him up slowly “your sister will be coming out, wake up” nudging him, he opened his eyes “I am sleepy” he whined “I know but you will miss your sister, she will be coming” I huffed out “I can’t believe we have a daughter at this age and she is now a college student, where has time gone and then we have Tianna next. Wow” Robyn said in my ear “I know, I think I will be crying when Imani graduates. I am going to be a mess that day” I just know it, she is my baby and my last daughter so I will be a wreck, I adore her so much “Rylee Fenty-Brown” I gasped and shot up, as I would and placed Raihan on the ground “Rylee!” I shouted clapping as she walked to get her Diploma, Rylee looked at the crowd because I know she heard me holler “Rylee, Rylee, Rylee. Where Melo at” I can hear a bunch of guys just chanting my daughter name and I midway froze clapping “oh brother” Tianna said, looking around “Chris” Robyn said, looking back to see Rylee holding her diploma and she waved it in the air and I smiled so wide “that really my baby” I said smiling, hearing a bunch of wolf whistles and name chanting again and Rylee put a finger up at someone and I peaked over seeing Melo and a bunch of boys “ok, can we calm down” Max said on the mic “they are still dogs I see” looking at Tianna “huh?” Robyn patted my arm to sit down.

Waiting for Rylee to come over and see us “what did you mean by they are still dogs?” I asked Tianna, I didn’t forget. Robyn has gone to get drinks with the boys “why was they barking?” Imani asked, “I told you, dogs” she said “yeah but you said that but you not answering why?” I questioned “the boys are butt hurt on behalf of Melo but then again they always did that with Rylee because she wouldn’t date them and then Melo made a rumour that she wouldn’t put out and it was her fault and he had to leave. But on a regular day at school the boys did that anyways, I am glad I left because it was annoying to see. Rylee also told me one of the boys from the basketball team told her that he would fuck her by force because she is being too stuck up. I think she is happy to leave, I would be, what a toxic school full of rich mommy boys” my mouth just hung open “I think it sucks that Melo was simping over Rylee for years for him to turn around and do that, I ought to slap him but he didn’t want to be the one that was dumped. So really her last few months here was wack, this is why I have been here for Rylee” I swallowed hard “I should beat him” I mumbled “oh there is more, you should see her phone” Tianna is really angry “family” Rylee said smiling “wow, look at you. I am so proud of you” Tianna hugged her “I didn’t even cry” she said “I did” I smiled “has mom filled a cup up, but yay! It’s over now” nodding my head “it is” I mumbled, to find out that her last months here were not good and it was because she left Melo, I really should beat his ass but no, I am above that now, I feel annoyed “dad” looking at Rylee “I am so happy you’re here, I think this made it even more special then it is” I cooed out hugging her “I am always here for you all, I love you Rylee. I do” Rylee held me tightly.

Staring at Melo, I should see her phone Tianna said but no, I can’t. She won’t like that “hey” Robyn said, looking at her “are you ok?” nodding my head “you seem a little dazed, you sure?” nodding my head “talk to me” Rylee is smiling so whatever, I guess those the school friends, I am not sure “you hear that noise when Rylee went on stage? I didn’t like it” I said to her “Oh yeah, I heard it too. It was very degrading but I don’t want to bring it up with her you know but they was hollering, the boys were” it’s annoying me “I can’t do it” I said and walked off “Chris, hey” walking towards Rylee “can I speak to you, hi” I said to her friends “sure, I will be back” Rylee took her hat off and placed it on my head “thanks” moving away “what was that noise about? When you walked the stage, we all heard it. I don’t want to start upsetting you I just want to know” Rylee looked deflated that I bought it up “once I dumped Melo the boys just became unbearable, they started to just push things and said that Melo had a chance, and some girls just you know being bitches. They erm, they tried to tease me out of the cheerleading team but that ain’t me, I did it back but Melo is butt hurt and it was making things shit but I am done now, it’s fine” nodding my head “what is on your phone?” I asked “what!?” she spat “like they saying shit to you?” she shrugged “on twitter they would just say things like I am easy, and stuff. It’s whatever dad, it’s in the past but they are still upset. I graduated and we can move forward, don’t be upset about it, I am ok” she tried to make me feel better but she was dealing with that plus me, I feel bad.

Shaking Kanye’ hand “how are you?” he asked me “I am well thank” stepping back “I am glad to see you back from the mental breakdown a better man, you look well” staring at Kanye confused “I know the look, I mean the pictures were everywhere, I saw them and I looked and I prayed that you would be ok. I know that look, and I know the feeling. I have been through it, I found god Chris” I swallowed hard “medication they will keep you on forever, but God is all you need, but I am happy you are ok. How are you feeling inside you?” he asked “erm shocked” I laughed “everyone said I had cancer, some wished I did but for you to blatantly say that, wow” I mean he is right, he has been through it “I know how it feels, trapped in your own mind and just generally alone when people say they are there for you” nodding my head “yeah, I just feel bewildered. I feel like there is a lot going on you know. It’s early days, I think if I wasn’t on my medication I would be on my shit, but yeah. Maybe you right, I need to go to god” he placed his hand on my shoulder “you need help, ask me” looking around the party, it’s a nice party they threw together “hi Chris” Kourtney said “hi, how are you?” I asked, she came in for a hug “feeling old now but it’s nice to see you” nodding my head, seeing Jbeez, he came. Waving my hand at him and Oakley “who is that?” he pointed “two friends I made, Jbeez has the best connections in the UK. Anything you want he can make it happen, I was just telling Kanye how you the man of the UK” shaking his hand “oh yeah” looking at Oakley “whitey” he dapped me “are you anaemic, you wear the most questionable shit in the heat” he snorted laughing “I like this shit though, this is me” he is dumb.

Picking a chicken wing from the table “did you get those flowers for my daughter” I asked, squinting my eyes seeing she is having fun “no” he said, looking at him as I ate the wing “alright, just she came back home with flowers” he didn’t say anything just swallowed hard, he is looking a little nervous “hey dad” turning around “what is he doing here?” she pointed “oh you didn’t know he came? He came to live out his dream of the American dream, what is it anyways?” she shook her head “I just came over” of course she did “North” waving her over “yes” leaning on Rylee “why aren’t you going to NYU with her, she will be lost without her main” North laughed “yeah, we spoke on it too” she said “it’s nice that you know, buying flowers for my daughter, she seemed really stressed out when you text her. Rushed out too, sending her pictures” North looked at me so confused “Rylee open your hand” I said, I am not stupid. Rylee opened her hand, and I placed the ear wing in her hand “checkmate” I said to her, turning around “dad!?” she spat “North you gave me those flowers, she did!” walking over to Oakley “come” I said “Rylee, stop!” I spat pointing at her, I have heard enough of her now. Walking to front of the house “I just want the truth, why did you lie and say about it wasn’t me?” Oakley opened his mouth and then closed it “you keep saying I am not disrespecting you but it seems like you are now. Just go, until I want to speak to you, and keep away from my daughter Oakley. Seriously” I am going to be nice about “sorry” he apologised, walking back inside the house, I don’t want to know.

[rihmotions]

🤣😂 y’all tripping!

[rihmotion]

Merry Christmas #chrianna https://www.instagram.com/p/CmpCKOfrpJP/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[calypsoff2]

One Hundred Twelve

My children and these weekend activities, they have me up at six in the morning to get them ready for these things they like to do, I mean I can’t complain because I was complaining when they wasn’t doing anything, but they have made my Saturday busy, usually Chris and I split it but Chris is feeling very low so I am doing it all plus Junior, I can do it. I am fine, I think anyways but it’s hard. All three girls doing separate things, I just feel like splitting myself into three “I think it’s really unfair mom that you are not staying with me” Rylee said, “I get it, I am sorry but Imani’ first day doing something like this, I need to be there for her” Rylee is in a bad mood, she wants me to stay with her for her ballerina lesson, I get it, she wants me there, but I can’t stay “Rylee!” I shouted at her “she banged the door shut” Tianna climbed from the back “I know she did and sit down. Wait in the car” opening the door and climbed out of the car “I don’t want you there” she kicked Frank “Rylee” closing the SUV door behind “don’t you dare kick Frank, apologise right now!” I spat, walking over to her “sorry” she said “you are so unfair, always Imani. Who cares if Imani is kicking a ball! I had to be without last time, it’s my turn. You are so unfair mom” nodding my head slowly “she is youngest Rylee; I am sorry I can’t be with you. Dad is not good right now; he just needs some alone time. I am trying, next week I will come with you” Rylee has such a face on with me “you keep thinking I don’t need you because I am oldest but maybe I don’t want to be oldest, it’s Junior because he is annoying and then Imani because she is stupid. Only time you pay attention is if I be bad” pointing at Frank “say sorry to him” I ain’t forget “properly too” she looked up at Frank “sorry” nodding my head “Rylee, I am sorry. I am sorry. I do, I know it. Because you are eldest I do expect you to be ok with things, and I appreciate you bringing it up to me, I will make time for you” she nodded her head “ok, I guess I will see you when I finished” Rylee walked off, she didn’t hug me “love you baby” I said but she doesn’t want to know me, she is hurt with me.

Imani playing sport, it’s cute to see her. I feel like she talks more then she kicks a ball, and it makes me laugh, she explains things. The girl doesn’t stop talking and she has gotten in trouble about it in class, she is so well spoken, and I love that for her. Waving at her as she waved at me, I want her to try out other things. I know she loves music, that is her go to, but I want her to try other things, she may like it too. Tianna doesn’t half complain like Rylee, she is just so angry at me, I dropped Tianna off at her music class, she is still doing Piano lessons. She gave me a hug, but Rylee is heavy on my mind, I feel like she is entering a new phase in her life, and I am going to get a very moody teenager but if Chris did come with me, I could have gone there and he could be here, but I couldn’t do that to him, he is really going through a lot, he is really upset about his nephew. Still missing, Tootie finally actually answering him. She said she has been looking but now they have told the police, they said it’s been so long and every hour counts and potentially speaking on death, I for one pray it isn’t but where the hell did he go. Tootie said he and his friends went out, his friends are home, and he isn’t. I just feel sick to think about, but I had to give him space, I can’t drag him to things, I just want to be there for him. Looking over at Junior, he is picking grass and hitting into Rich, he is enjoying life, but he is quiet, and I can deal with that. I just need to make time for my eldest two, just maybe mommy and daughter, I am scared for the teenage phase.

I feel like Giorgio Baldi can fix anything, even my love life. I just love this place with my whole heart, I bought the kids here to eat. I mean mostly eat what I love most so they can deal with it “so girls, how was your day?” Rylee shrugged, Tianna giggled “Rylee said she is not speaking to you” letting out an oh “well that is peaceful for me, thank you Rylee” I thanked her “no I am not!” she spat, I laughed “oh you speak then” she side eyed me “I just want you to pay attention to my things, even Ti agrees” see these two, these two are trouble, Rylee the ring leader “you do?” I said to Tianna “she is right mom; you don’t see my lessons either. Imani or Junior. Junior and Imani, we don’t belong” rubbing my forehead “I really think Junior ruined it all” looking at Junior just licking his fingers “look girls, I get it. But Junior is a baby, Imani needed me there, she is baby too” Rylee looked at me shocked “she is not a baby mom, you think she is. You are so not fair; she won’t be a baby forever then what?” I laughed “then I have more” the horror on Ti and Rylee’ face “I am moving to momo house, no” I am laughing at them “it’s a joke, come on girls. I will promise to do something with you both” answering my phone, Chris is calling me “then we can forgive you” Ti added, she needs to stop hanging with Rylee “hi” I answered “Junior!” I shouted at him, the way he threw that pasta and it landed on Tianna “don’t you dare throw it back, just wipe it off. Sorry, hi” these kids “can you come home, after that” I mean what else does he think I am doing “I will, we are just eating. Everything ok?” I asked “just come home” he put the phone down, oh he is not doing good at all “no throwing like that” I said to him, I don’t think he really did it on purpose. He was so confused it left his hands “say sorry!” Tianna said to him “he doesn’t know what that means, he is a baby” Tianna frowned at him “everyone is a baby to you, even dad” I didn’t want to laugh but that was funny, I giggled to myself because she is right “you girls” shaking my head.

Eventful little day with the kids “girls, hey. Listen to me, I’m going to take Junior upstairs, please. Put your things away, if I see them scattered around here. I won’t be happy” Junior fell asleep in the car, also he needed his nap so it’s about time he fell asleep. Walking up the steps “mom, can I have some ice cream?” Tianna asked “yes but wait for me; I will make it for you. I don’t want mess” I don’t know why I bother putting him in the crib because he gets out of it and does stupid things upstairs but then the girls wake him to just to then find him annoying, these girls don’t let their brother live. Opening the bedroom door “Robyn” looking to my bedroom, Chris has his head poked around “are you crying?” I said shocked “come after” nodding my head, let me put him in the crib. Chris has been very emotional, like he’s been showing his feelings instead of lashing out, and this is all I have ever wanted from him, I wanted him to actually show how he really feels, and he is. I wanted that from him, I adore Chris so much and I would never judge him. Placing the covers over Junior, I did a little run out of the bedroom “mom, you coming down?” I put my hand up “I’ll be ten minutes” going to the bedroom; he’s not left the bedroom since “Chris?” I said, seeing him sat at the vanity table chair “Hey, oh my god” closing the door behind me “why are you crying? Chris” getting down onto my knees, wrapping my arms around him “what happened?” I am so concerned, I’m scared actually “it’s ok, Chris you can cry. I’m here now” he is sobbing; I am scared. I don’t know what has happened, I hope it’s not because of his nephew, I am so scared to hear it “oh my baby, my poppa. I’m here baby, I’m here” I hate to hear him like this and in pain, I am so scared to know what has happened, I am praying so hard it isn’t his nephew, but I think it is.

Chris wiped his tears with his hands, I passed him some tissue “are you ok to talk?” getting down onto my knees, he wiped his face with the tissue “is it Desean? What happened Chris?” he swallowed hard “they erm, they” oh this is not good, my heart has dropped “my auntie called me and uhm, they found his body in the Rappahannock River. Someone found his body Robyn” he sobbed out, my eyes welled up “oh my god” I am in shock, this can’t be happening. Not his nephew, wiping my tears “I am so sorry Chris” what else can I say “they said he was there for a while, someone killed him. He was dumped there, that’s what he police are saying. Fuck, this can’t be happening. This can’t be real” Chris got up from the seat “it can’t be real, this is a joke” he shook his head, this is the worst news to hear, this is so sad “fuck, man. He is just a kid” getting up from the floor “I am so fucking hurt man, why my family!” he shouted “I got to go there” walking around the bed “baby yes, I agree. I want to come with you” Chris shook his head “we can go together; I want to support you. Chris, please” following behind Chris “I don’t know what I am even doing anymore, what do I do?” he turned to me “just step back for one moment Chris, just let’s sit down” I said to him, I am this is shocking. I am in shock too.

I just sat with Chris in silence, it’s better than him crying. Looking over at him “what did they say? Did your auntie say anything else?” I asked “that erm, they think it was a hit and run and his body got dumped in there, but that is it. I can’t say anything else; I can’t believe that has even happened, I mean what the fuck. Who would do that, his friends said he was home, well going home. Someone really did that, that is calculated” placing my hand on the back of his neck “just let’s not think that, I am ever so sorry Chris, this is so shocking. I want to be there for you Chris, so I am coming with you. The kids too, we are going to support you. Nothing else matters, it’s going to be a hard time, but I think you should be there” Chris nodded his head “I felt so off, I knew something was wrong. My mother is going to be distraught, man. I just don’t know what to do really, what do I do?” he asked “you be there for your family, I will be there for you” Chris looked at me “thank you” nodding my head, I mean it sucks I have to drag the kids with us but I have nobody to take care of them “or maybe I can get Jen and Tina to take care of them until I am back” I said to myself “I will do that, I will get Tina actually. Just take Junior with me” getting up, I think it’s best I don’t take them all, it won’t be the best place and the girls are very aware of people being not good. I don’t want that for them, I will do that instead.

The girls are going to be a pain, I just know it “Tina, thank you so much. I wouldn’t have asked like this, but after that news” Tina shook her head “no, please go. It’s important” smiling at her “girls, in the living room, come” I said “you didn’t come down and get ice cream” Tianna said, she is right “I know but I need to speak to you all “I am so sorry about your nephew Chris” Tina said behind me, turning my head and Chris has come down with shades on, he is not good “appreciate it” he said, walking into the living room “girls, I have something I need from you all. Me and dad really need to go to VA, something very bad has happened and we need to go now but auntie Tina will be here, please girls. I don’t want to hear it, I know I constantly not there like you want me to be, I am sorry for that but this is so important” I said, they are quiet “you try mom” Rylee said, she is actually understanding “thank you” I said “I heard dad crying” letting out an oh “yeah, once we know what has happened then we can explain but we need to go kids” the girls are understanding, my mother is calling me now “one moment” I said answering the call “hi” I said “hi Robbie, Chris isn’t answering his calls” she said “no, we have something on mom. What is it?” she always rings at the wrong time “his dad is trying to call him” I wonder why “how sad Robbie, who would do that” they know “mom, I am begging you, please do not go to VA you stay in Barbados. I mean it” she is stupid enough to do it ”he is devastated, he needs someone with him?” I groaned out “mom, I don’t even think he is invited to be there, I would recommend to stay away, and you mom. If I see you there I am going to be mad” I feel so harsh “you going?” she said “well yes, technically that is my family mom. Not yours, and to be honest not even his real grandchild, I really think he needs to mourn in peace, there” my mom scoffed “you sound like Chris” she spat “no, I am saving my husband from when he has to see his dad there that spoke shit about his sister when her son was missing, just drop it, I need to go now” I don’t have the time to be going back and forth, if they go there then they do and will cause some nasty issues “since when have you been like this? Am I speaking to Chris?” my mother is shocked “no mom, I am standing by my husband, just mind yours and I will mine. Please I need to go now, love you. Bye” disconnecting the call.

Junior is sat in Chris’ lap on the jet, he is calm for once but then again he is eating “I will appreciate the peace from him” I said “yeah” Chris mumbled “how would you feel if your dad was there?” I asked him, it’s just a question and I am intrigued to know the answer “right now I can’t think but ain’t nobody telling him anything, I don’t know” nodding my head “you don’t need to come you know, like to see my family” shaking my head “you know I am going to be there Chris, I don’t care” I said, I am going to be there for him “I don’t know how she is feeling right now, if I lost my child. I would lose my mind, imagine it. All those years and this, I just can’t digest that he isn’t here I mean. He doesn’t bother anyone? I don’t understand why, I am just so fucking angry, confused. I don’t know what to say” nodding my head “I understand, we will see how it goes” Chris looked outside the window, my poor baby. He has been feeling so off about things, he felt something was wrong and he was right, this is terrible, I feel so sorry for him.

[curitibacitybrazil]

Bom dia Curitiba!🇧🇷

Good morning Curitiba City!🇬🇧

Доброго ранку Куритиба!🇺🇦

Natal 2021 - Curitiba - Brasil

[avajoneslife]

(via GIFER)

[calypsoff]

Eighty Eight.

It’s been a weird feeling to be having Robyn’ family in the home but not Robyn, she is being extremely stubborn. To say the least, she picked up Rylee from the home and then didn’t stay either. To say that she wanted her family here she isn’t coming here, and on top of that. The very night she left early she went to the club even though she said she is thinking, how can you think when you’re in the club, it makes no sense. She left Rylee behind and went to the club with Mel, she has been very off now. I think she is angry with me; I feel she is anyways. I think she is angry with me that I told Monica, because Monica did mention that she wasn’t happy at all that she knew and was saying that she will speak to me, but she hasn’t really, besides sending me a picture of Rylee with a wig on, that is it but today is the day, taking Robyn to the Getty museum. I have spent so much money on making it up to Robyn that I will not be doing this again, never again. Shit is expensive as hell, but I am going to push through, and I am going to continue to try and get Robyn to break down but it’s so hard, she is being very hard. I didn’t think Rihanna would be so different to Robyn, I know Monica says she is just her daughter, but Rihanna is very much out there, I have fucked up big time. Even though I exposed Drake for what he is, niggas were clowning me about it and TJ said why didn’t I listen to Robyn when she said, I feel like a dickhead, but I will get my wife back, I will, and I know I will. I think I just need to keep getting at Robyn, see if I didn’t have my leg in this cast I would be at the club harassing her, she knows I would be too.

Majesty is watching TV but goes out of her way to sit on my cast, I don’t know why but she does “you annoying uncle again, since she can walk she be doing the most” Noella sat down, I laughed shaking my head “she reminds me of what my daughter will be like, she keeps touching it. I think she is intrigued by it, you know” Majesty does not care and continued to remain on my cast “big day today for you” I breathed out, rolling my eyes as I did “I don’t know, Robyn is being hard headed. Please tell me it’s not just me?” looking over at Noella “she is” she admitted “I think she is acting out; Robyn went through that when things were going wrong with her father. She was so upset, and she went very within herself, very dark, angry. Auntie said that she spoke to her on why she isn’t coming, she is busy but then Monica said she is angry that her mother told her off about things, that her mother is taking sides, but my cousin needs to relax. I hope you can get that out of her” I knew it, I knew she would be upset about her mother “I hope” I mumbled “I have hurt her a lot Noella, she trusted me so much, she said that Rylee is lucky to have me as a father and I let her down with that, I haven’t been around for her, I know that has hurt her. I think she is seeing me as a bad person, it’s me” I am to blame in this.

If I could, I would be pacing around in this room because I am nervous about today, this cast is annoying my life too because I can’t wear what I want, I have to wear something nice because I know my wife will look bomb as hell “Christopher, are you in there” hearing the light knocks on the door, Monica is knocking on the bedroom door “erm yeah, come in!” I spat, I mean I am just sat on the bed waiting for the moment I see Robyn, I am trying to gather myself right now “sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt but you weren’t coming down, are you ok?” she asked “also have you ate? My daughter is stubborn, but she said can I make sure you are fed” I chuckled “erm yeah I have thank you” smiling at my mother in law being so sweet “I wanted to ask when was the last time this home was cleaned?” that reminds me “erm, like about three months? I never changed the sheets since, I don’t want you to do it for me but yeah, since Robyn left” Monica nodded her head “I can tell, you need to get a cleaner to come but I didn’t come for that reason, I wanted to say my daughter is being hard right now but don’t stop” she said “I am not going too, I made the mistake. This is my fault, if I didn’t see a glimmer of hope I would stop but I know she wants me, she is being hard headed but I know she just wants me to be sorry, I will get her back” I am optimistic with her hard ass “good, I just want some peace. I prayed for you both, but if you need help then let me know” Monica turned away, I need to get a cleaner to come actually.

Mel is shouting me to come out, I am here trying to find something to wear for this thing. I don’t know what it is, Chris hasn’t really said what it is, but it’s something. I am guessing a meal, I am sure it will be a meal or something, but I don’t know what to wear “I am here” lifting my sweatpants up a little as I made my way out “take your time, you have people here for you” I haven’t asked for anyone to come so who the hell is this “who?” I said as I got to the living room “oh hi?” why is Mel and Mylah here “we have been summoned to come” furrowing my eyebrows “by who?” I know it’s not me “your husband” letting out an oh “no way? Did he really? How is this man here just booking my people” staring at Mel, she just shrugged “when there is a way Robyn” she has a point “How?” I asked either of them “well what happened was he messaged me on Instagram, I think he also messaged Mel on there too, he said that Robyn has somewhere to go, and I need you to do her makeup” this saves me from doing it actually “he said it’s a little date, there will be things there. He really didn’t give much away but here we are” my smile grew “I am glad actually; I didn’t know what to wear so this saves me so much time, if you want to come to my bedroom I guess” I am just annoyed actually, more at my mom then anything, she just wants me to make an effort and that I shouldn’t have left the home, it is wrong, so I haven’t been home. She said the home is a mess, that isn’t my problem because I am not there either.

Mel got me in a little cute Dior denim dress, I mean I haven no idea if it will fit the event but to me this looks nice as hell. Imagine if he is matching again, I am going to fall out laughing because he does this a lot “am I date ready?” I twirled in the living room “you are, you look hard faced though. Good luck to him” I gasped “don’t be rude, do I?” Mylah nodded her head “you seem like you are in deep thought most of the time, like you want to smile and be happy and speak to people but your mind is elsewhere, your mind is whatever is upsetting you right now. So it’s making you look hard faced” she has a point “I have a lot on my mind that is all, I don’t know what it will bring today. I don’t know what will be said, I don’t know what will happen so I am just having a hard time concentrating you see, but Rylee” I pointed at Mel “are you ok with her, or shall I say to my mom you will drop her off with her?” Mel might have other things going on “I think Ry Ry knows me more then auntie, she may get more upset being with her so I will keep her, I will love spending time with her” that is good, so I don’t need worry about Rylee “take a breather, enjoy yourself and just speak on everything” Mel said, nodding my head taking in a deep breath.

Chris called me an SUV too, he is making sure I really come to this. I love that he is doing the most too, he is making sure I am dressed too with inviting my stylist. I do wonder what the fuck he got going on at a damn museum, like I am wondering what he got going on right now. The driver opened the door for me, I smiled lightly at him as I got out of the SUV. Chris and his damn leg, trying to not smile too much “wearing a shirt now” I pointed out, Chris smiled putting his head down “well I had to look good, you look beautiful” he looked up at me “you really do, I am just glad you came actually” he laughed “I was doubting that you was because there has been a lot going on with us so I was just doubting it so I am glad you’re here” leaning in and wrapping my arm around his neck “well I wouldn’t not come, I like surprises and you know that. I am sad for you though, your leg” I stood back from him “yeah, it’s been a real pain for me but we good. We can still do what we need to do can’t we?” nodding my head agreeing “of course” I breathed out “shall we go in?” he said “yeah, I will go in first. Hold the door for you” stepping ahead of him so I can hold the door open for him, I have to take care of him now “thanks” pushing the door open and holding it open for him “don’t be, if you weren’t like this then I would have made you done it all” which is true.

The double doors opened on their own actually, Chris and I just stood here, and they just opened “oh my god” placing my hands over my mouth, hearing the violin started playing Diamonds just like on our wedding day. The room is filled with flowers upon flowers “happy anniversary, I know it’s late, but I had to do it” I am emotional, I can’t even. The room is beautifully filled with flowers and roses “shall we go in” this looks just beautiful and the song, walking inside slowly. It’s like we are entering an enchanted place, it’s just beautiful “two doves, oh my god” I pointed staring at the two doves just on a branch “they so beautiful” turning myself around looking around every inch of the room, how did he even do this “the erm, the number of red roses here in this room is the same amount we have been married, every rose represents every day we have been married” Chris said, and I am even more of a wreck. I am trying not to cry but I think I will be failing at this soon, slowly walking further in. It’s just the music and the whole set up “butterflies!?” I spat, he is has really gone out of way “I wanted it to be authentic, you know” one just flew by me “this is so fairytale Chris, oh my god” looking up at the ceiling, it’s just pure beauty “I think you need to be my creative director” Chris laughed out, I wasn’t even joking “oh wow, Dennis is here” I laughed, of course he is here “so we can have the memories” he is right, we do need it.

The violinist did amazing “just bought me flashbacks to the best day” smiling at her as she shyed away “thank you” I said to the waiter “now wait a minute” I pointed, Chris laughed “my life wouldn’t be worth living if I didn’t” Chris laughed, this is so sad of me, but I know my waiters “Giorgio Baldi, I swear I could cry right now, wow. Am I predictable or something, like you are just hitting it every time, I am over the moon” the waiter laughed and finished pouring the wine “thank you” I smiled saying “my pleasure” he walked off “so have I done good?” pressing my lips into a hard thin line and then nodding my head “I am over the moon” I have to admit, it’s just so beautiful “good, I am happy you said that because not going to lie but when I was thinking on what to do, I kind of got stuck thinking on what to do so yeah, I am happy you are feeling that way. I know we have a lot to speak on and I want to be the one to start first, but we shall eat first and then I can speak on things, but I didn’t think you would come. Just because you have been off with me, and you have been going out more too” I chuckled “yeah, I uhm. I just didn’t want my mother to know in a way, not in a bad way but she clouds my mind, parents” I laughed “yeah, my dad is the same to be honest so I understand but I wanted to be truthful to her, because she would have come to the home and then be like where is my daughter” I get where he is coming from.

This whole setting is beautiful, with the violin and the whole things. It’s beautiful “look at that” turning my phone to Chris, a butterfly flew onto my plate. It was so random, it’s just there at the side “that is dope” bringing my phone back, I am going to post it on my story. It’s so pretty and it’s not moving “how is your album coming along? I mean since I haven’t been around you have been working hard on it?” locking my phone and placing it at the side of me “great, I must say this whole situation gave me so much fuel and inspiration. The music is based off your shit” Chris groaned out “my god” he said “yeah, it’s funny because the producers are like what the fuck happened but the album is kind of done, I just need to do a few more songs but thank you for the inspiration” Chris rolled his eyes “I am not sure if that is a good things but I am glad that you have had that inspiration to sing about what happened, I am kind of scared now to hear it. Just because I know the meaning behind it, my fault” he doesn’t even understand how much inspiration I got from this “I can’t wait for you to hear it, I think you are going to hate it or love it.

I can tell Chris has a lot on his mind, I know my husband. He is preparing in his mind, he shouldn’t feel like that he should just flow with it and say it “thank you” I broke the silence between us “thank you for this, the whole meal and the whole set up. This is what I wanted for my anniversary” Chris grinned “so you coming home now? I am joking” he sat back in his chair “I am finding it really hard right now, like not in a bad way but just to explain how much I fucked up. I am so dumb, imagine doing that to anyone let alone Rihanna but I am sorry, I will forever be sorry for this because I let you down in a big way, something I said I wouldn’t do but I did, I am so sorry Robyn. I was so lost in the glamour of Drake and his lifestyle, I was so lost in the fame, the fun that I put that as a priority and left you behind, when he called I was gone, I did think he was a friend and when you told me that, I saw that as you just breaking that up for me, like a threat. I know niggas see you as a lot, meaning sexy and whatever, I know there is a lot of men that would take my place, I know they will and I know I could lose you, there is always someone there and that is because they find you sexy. I know it, I see it constantly and you’re with me so it’s like what the fuck, but you are. And when you mentioned about Drake, it triggered it. I just got uptight, I always know you are better than me no matter what you say, so you saying that I just thought she wants to break something good for me, a friend. I didn’t think he was like that. And it looks so bad because I did choose him over my own wife, I look like a clown, I am a clown. And my mouth, it just runs. When I am in the moment I can never stop, and I don’t ever think either. It’s never ok to disrespect you the way I have, I wouldn’t let a nigga do that to my own daughter but here I was doing it to my wife, missing out on things. I am stupid but then the whole shit with Rocky, I was already like that. But now I think, it was all planned. Everything, he did it all on purpose but then it exposed that you are still messaging him, and I didn’t know, I looked stupid” his voice broke “I am sorry Robyn, I am really sorry. I just miss you so much, I miss you in the home, it doesn’t feel right at all. I just want you to know how much I feel bad about everything, I treated you like shit really badly and you still were there for me in a way, but I don’t deserve you” Chris wiped his eyes.

I don’t like him crying “don’t cry” shifting in the seat “I tested you and I pushed you, taunting you about not being Rihanna, I don’t like it. I bought that out of you, you didn’t want too but you did it because I pushed you to it” nodding my head “I honestly can admit that I don’t treat you any less, what you are feeling and thinking is your own insecurity and you need to let it go, I married you Chris and you need to remember that. I didn’t want anyone else because I love you, you’re my first love but I cannot take the attitude and I won’t stay at a place where I am being treated like shit. I will take fault in the way I said it to you and the way it came out, I didn’t see Drake as a threat, but he was entering my family, he started to cause issues in my home. I kept it away because it meant nothing to me Chris, it didn’t but then he was entering my home and causing those issues, so I had to say it but not in the right manner. I was angry with you because Rakim is just harmless and you started that mess, it was not needed. Yes I have his number still because it’s nothing sexual, it’s just a friend. I have a lot of male industry friends and my mother doesn’t agree but it’s there, it happens, and I don’t know where we go from here if you can’t accept that” I want it to be out in the open “you have your female assistants, I don’t care. You don’t hear me piping up unless it’s Seiko but that is life, females will be around, and males will be too but that is down to you” he can’t always be like this either “but you didn’t say anything about texting him Robyn, it’s stupid for me to not know this. He mentioned it to me and laughed, made me look like a joke” Chris said “you was both making jibes at each other, we could go back and forth on this forever. The industry I am in there will be men and you, you can’t be like this. I am married to you, I love you. How much else you want me to do Chris? If we are being real then let’s be real on this, can you take it? I can’t just stop talking to every man, my mother expects me to just what, text you straight away that a man is there? Then you just don’t trust me, like this can’t go on right?” I can’t continue this when he feels that I am above him and that every man is out to fuck me.

[calypso-finale]

Hundred Twenty Seven. Part 2

I don’t even understand why I cried, I feel so stupid that I did cry but in reality she was a friend, we was close, and it hurts to know she still has that mentality of I did wrong, and I went the wrong path, that I ruined it all. She still hates Oakley because she knows I wouldn’t want her in my life as long as he is with me, he knows what kind of person she is like and maybe he is right, I am just so sad. And seeing Saint, he caused me pain, like he really just was so horrible to me “Lee, come” Oakley held my arm and took me into a corner “you’re going to ruin your makeup” that alone made me smile, I don’t know out of everything that could have come out of his mouth he speaks on my makeup “we good here, what happened? Sit” he let my arm go “have I really ruined it?” I asked “I mean not exactly but if you keep crying you might” I think maybe it’s too late “my mom left so I was going to find you, that was it but then Saint came up to me to tell me I look good and then North got mad with him, told him to go, fine. But then we spoke, well she spoke to me, and I just felt like you know, I lost a best friend because she couldn’t just be there for me and all she wants me to do is be on my ass and leave you, she just attacked you. Told me I made the wrong decision, that I fucked up. That you aren’t good enough for me, and I just got upset, to know she hasn’t changed. I told her that whatever you don’t agree but I am happy, I am going to be a wife, she can’t accept that. She is lonely as shit too, I know she is because she has been passed around the industry, it kills her I am not in that position. She can’t stand you, so yeah. It just hurt Oakley, that is all and then everything with Saint, like to see him. To know, like everything he did came back to me, and I just hated it, everything he did. I just wasn’t ready to see him because you know, it wasn’t nice and he is another reason why I couldn’t trust other men when I tried, and mind you I grew up with him.”

I sniffled “Oakley leave it” he just got up “please don’t do this” I got up from the chair, but I was stopped by a tug on my dress from the chair, turning to check but my dress was ok from the back “Oakley!” I shouted, rushing back into the party. I don’t want him to do anything, I can just see him, and he is walking straight to the Kardashian family, Saint and his brother are both there, he is crazy. I am running in heels; this is a big deal for me for him to not hit him but it was too late he already hit Saint, it was so out of nowhere that Saint did fall back, the music and the talking instantly just stopped and Psalm swung at Oakley but he missed, oh he is mad “Oakley leave it” I managed to get to him but they fighting now, Saint was going to go to Oakley from behind as he and his brother both fought and I was just going to go but I got pushed back and my dad just punched him out of nowhere, my eyes bulged out “bro, hey. Hey, stop! Fuck, just stop” Damson broke them up “I don’t even know what happened, but I know he spoke to you. Kim, deal with your shit, I told you about this” my dad pointed “come, Oakley come. Fucking leave him” my dad wrapped his arm around  me “who allows a fucking guy that abused a girl in this place, man fuck y’all” Herb spat “Hollywood on some fucking shit, niece you good” I nodded my head “I told Ti to tell you” my dad said “it’s ok” I sobbed out, I feel like a little girl all over again in my dad’ arms, he is always there for me “make sure he comes, Herb go” my dad said to him “I didn’t need to know shit, I knew we was just fighting” my dad is funny “always count on you dad” I grinned “always baby, I just seen Oakley swinging and I was like oh we swinging too” looking up at my dad “this old man can beat a nigga up on any time, for my kids you know” my dad kicked a chair closer “sit down” as I sat down Oakley is walking over “that was some shit over there, you bringing that London shit over here” my dad laughed “yeah I know, you good yeah?” Oakley came straight to me “yeah, he get you a little didn’t he” Oakley shrugged “It’s nothing, people may forget but we don’t it’s ok” I didn’t want all this.

I have never seen Tianna so confused, she is walking towards us so confused “I went to the toilet and what happened?” she asked “Rylee?” she said in shock “my son in law made me happy that is what” my dad is so happy, like I didn’t want him to fight but my dad wanted that, he saw it “what do you mean?” she said “Saint spoke to me and I just felt off, it wasn’t nice and then I told him, then he acts like my dad and went to fight him. I just wasn’t ready to see that or even speak to North” I shrugged “I am so sorry” she apologised “I felt like if I told you about it you may not have come” I frowned “but it put me in this situation, it’s fine. It’s life, I am ok though, but he affected me more then her words anyways” Tianna hugged him “I feel so bad, I didn’t know any of this happened. I just literally redone some of my makeup and then I come out and see Kim walking by saying that family and I was confused, I am so sorry” she apologised “it’s fine. I am sorry, ruining the event” she shushed me “no I am to blame, just so sorry” she moved back from the hug but then again I cried “no, I am sorry” Tianna crouched down “just everything, the whole thing. When we had sex, everything that all came back to me. He wasn’t nice, and he proved what I was scared of. A crazy man like that” Ti held my hand “yes I understand that men can be scary, I know too. I dealt with Taylen, it’s hard but we are happy now, you have a good guy that loves you, they are sad and bitter. I am sorry” nodding my head “Lee, you want to get your makeup redone” he is so unintentionally funny, and he doesn’t even do it on purpose, he is genuine with it “that bad?” I said to him “nah, it’s fine. But I can help” I shook my head smiling “I will help her, it’s ok” my sister said “you and my makeup” I said to him, Oakley chuckled “stops you crying init” he is so annoying.

Smiling at my dad as I made my way back to the gang “my first born is smiling, that makes me happy you good now?” my dad hugged me “yes I am, I am ok. I just didn’t want the drama either” I laughed out “stop it dad” he is squeezing me so tight “I love my eldest so much, I just want you happy. Also Oakley did me happy, we had weed together” my dad moved back “oh god” Oakley is dancing so I know he is high “well it’s made him loosen up a little more but yeah, I think really. Damson is the positive he needed, like he has been so happy to be here and he’s never happy to come, he dislikes LA and being here, he wants to be home, but I think he’s ok now” my dad smirked “you and mom doing a house swap” I scoffed “you know mom and you can stay away from my forever home, don’t you dare put that thought in her mind. I do not want to do that, no thanks. Why do you want to come to London anyways?” I frowned “good vibes really, she just feels the same as you really, I think she fell in love with your home and the whole area it’s placed in. I have never been to that area and it’s nice, and the fact your home is just so hidden, it’s like a hidden gem. You know like it’s been a battle to make him do things, I think the battle is over for you really, like yeah you have the odd times, but he isn’t the same guy I met, and I know him well enough, he a different man so congratulations” I giggled “is it subtle?” my dad nodded his head “you tweaked him” we both laughed “tweaked him, stop it” he is silly at times.

Eating cereal at the breakfast bar at my house at five in the morning isn’t the ending I assumed, I thought I would be maybe getting dicked down but really everyone is asleep, and I am awake, like I assumed we would be coming in from the party half assed but really it was the opposite, maybe we are getting old or maybe what happened threw us all off but whatever happened wasn’t the ending I thought, I just couldn’t sleep really. I thought some cereal and some home comfort will put me to sleep, I am sad. I am somewhat still thinking about seeing Saint, like he really did that to me and it’s upset me really, I didn’t need to see him but I shouldn’t be upset because look at where I am now, the point I am at “the bedroom was a little quiet, didn’t hear you” looking up from the cereal bowl “oh” Oakley is awake “so you do actually miss me in bed? This further proves my point” I grinned “I suppose, why are you here?” he pointed, he is half asleep “I am coming back up, just hungry and thinking” he sat down across from me squinting his eyes from the lights that are on “about?” I shrugged “things, how about we go back to sleep. I was just hungry” I lied; I didn’t want to really tell the truth so he can be mad at the situation “eat it first” he grumbled “you want me back in bed?” he nodded his head; he is so cute “you know I was thinking” I wonder what idea he has now “that we move in together, well I move back in” I cooed out “you ready to deal with me” he nodded his head “also your dad been saying that we need to get married” he chuckled “oh has he, come let’s go to bed” look at him wanting us to go bed “but also I enjoy your company” I snorted laughing “oh you just realised that now? I don’t know how to feel about that, you’re so stupid. Come” he is half asleep “nah for real, I want us to live together” waving him over “and what did I say? That is fine” he is still high I think “come” holding his hand.

I really hate living out of suitcases, but I don’t want to unpack it all for it to go back in, I am only here for a week at most so I don’t want to unpack, I miss my home a little really. Hearing a knock on the bedroom door, kicking the suitcase close, I can’t even be bothered at this point, I will live in Oakley clothes since he has scattered everything everywhere. Making my way to the bedroom door, he is still asleep, that sex took him out then. Opening the door “just me” my sister laughed “I didn’t want to walk in because like, I assume he is in here. Feels so weird to not just walk in though” it made me laugh “it also feels weird, but you never know, what’s up?” I asked “I just wanted to know if you’re ok, after everything and really explain myself I feel bad” letting out an oh, looking over at Oakley, he is asleep still really and won’t wake up “come in, he is asleep and fully covered, I am trying to find an outfit so come” waving her in “don’t worry, you won’t see anything” I laughed, she is so unsure of coming in “this feel so adult like, I miss those moments to just walk in. Awww is he even alive?” she asked “he doesn’t snore, I think I do you know. I am not sure, but he doesn’t. He is so quiet, I have to check if he is alive” Ti laughed out “oh you want to have a beach day, we are going well I also wanted to ask if we can take Aziel” I cooed out “that is cute, who is we?” turning to her “me, Damson. Our little siblings, and Aziel. While he is here, it’s actually Damson idea, what you think?” that is cute “yeah why not, not like London has that so yeah we will come, it’s been a while since I have been in a bikini you know” she has a point “come to think of it, do I have a one packed” my sister rolled her eyes “just borrow mine” I wanted her to say that.

“But yeah I am so sorry about yesterday Rylee, I knew she was coming and him, but I just didn’t think things would come to blow. My own selfish way I wanted you to come, it’s a big moment in my acting career and I wanted you there, but I should have said” nodding my head slowly “it’s fine, just seeing Saint bought back memories I didn’t want to remember so like yeah, and then with North, yeah I cried. Because I know how close we were and to see and hear her be the same, it hurt because really, if she came at me with sense. I would love that, but it was just so bittersweet. But like thinking about it, I got you so why do I care about her. North would come between us too, but I am so happy you and I are at this point in life, minus Lillian, somewhat Halle but that is on edge of being dead because of the whole thing. You really are my best friend” Tianna smiled at me “you’re my only friend Rylee, I mean yeah like you said we have peers but this” I chuckled “shit” looking at the door “hey, don’t worry Oakley. I didn’t see anything” Tianna laughed which made me laugh “I ain’t know, Lee I need boxers” rolling my eyes “ok, I will get then. You need it now?” I asked “I will have a shower” I grinned “ok, I will have it done by then. Ti will be gone by then; I don’t think she wants to see something unseasoned” I spat “that is rude” I sniggered “he’s woke up moody now” rolling my eyes “men are weird” she is right they are.

My mom is always plotting, the fact she got some paparazzi person to photograph us but he is out of the way, we can’t really see him on the beach but we are made of aware of his presence “who would have thought we would have found men that like each other” Tianna said as she sat down at the side of me “Emi, you can’t play with the boys, they are too rough. My son wants to drown you, come sit down” Tianna had to go and get her “poor girl” Tianna laugh “they mean” she said “I know, stay here. Aziel is rude but yeah, it’s cute. And with our brothers too, they play too rough though, I was concerned for her” Emi stood up “where you going?” I asked “drink” the boys are just a mess, they forget about Emi “you think it’s love with you and Damson?” I asked her straight up “I don’t want to say that too quickly but there is a lot of care there” I cooed out “that is cute really, then it will progress. He seems so content, like he was made for the family. I am shocked you’re not pregnant with the way you are both at it” Tianna yelped out “no we made a decision, and we said give it time. Move in together in LA and just take it slow, and I want that but yeah. I want to make him a dad so bad, he is so good with Aziel, seeing him with him my ovaries” I want her too really “do it, make him a dad, like Aziel is going to be six, he can’t be the only one” Ti side eyed me “maybe Imani” I gagged “I want Juke out so bad!” that can never happen.

[calypsoff3]

Fifty.

The fact Maxwell is so comfortable for me to come to his home and for me to do my sessions in his personal home, to be near his family too. I appreciate this man. His kids, his wife, they treat me like family, and I like that. I respect him so much for the way he treats me, like a human “I always wanted to ask why do you want to move here? My kids was saying it, Chris Brown wants to move here? But America is so cool” his wife asked me “erm, peace. I love it here, there so much to do here, I like it. America to me, it is toxic” she cooed out “well I can see your point, I think Maxwell prefers to see you personally anyways, I will be in the other room if you both need anything” Maxwell made his way over to me with his laptop in hand “eventful time for you, I saw you on daily mail, I did” I chuckled “yeah, it caused a little stir that I was with my kids at the concert, like it doesn’t matter, that is my family. But I am guessing I was more on there for the fact people on both days booed me”  Maxwell cringed “yes I was made aware of it, the kids showed me. The video, it was hard to see because to me, I know it all and I know you so it was hard to see but you delivered yourself great, the headlines were nasty to you. The comments” nodding my head “yeah, erm. I even, erm I am not sure you saw the video but like on the second day, this grown woman kept heckling me, I am with my kids and the boys I was with, they got annoyed and she said, you look like shit and whatever you got you deserve, and I looked at her and I said why what do I have, her fans are just unruly and she said cancer. You probably got it and the way you hurt her is what you deserve, and yeah. I mean, it hurt but I just moved on, I just hate it was on video and that my kids were there. I know like erm, this whole thing of me shaving constantly, you said it to me. It’s my way of cleansing and I don’t like it, I seem to do this thing, and I don’t realise it until I sit down and think what, and I know these are triggers from the medication but when I wash my hands, I dry them off but then I do it again, I do it twice and it’s even when I am like cooking, I wash things twice. I don’t like hair on my face, and then when I sit down I am like did I do that twice until one of the boys said it, he goes that is painful to watch” I laughed.

Maxwell cringed “it is an affect from the medication, everything you have isn’t just you know small and with little affect. It is changes how you are as a person, it is calming you down to make you less as you was, Christ. You know I wouldn’t have got mental health on you if I wasn’t concerned, I am just a therapist, that is all” nodding my head “you escalated out of my hands, and we agreed that you see me, you was vulnerable Chris and I felt I was your carer, you were in a foreign country with me, and I was scared that anything could happen and I told you that. But you are ok, these are affects that happen, and I said when you are happy with you then you will know the difference to yourself, but you have jumped boundaries and have took the step to co-parent without any type of kick off, tell me the good. How was it? You co-parent with Rihanna at the concert, I saw the pictures, I saw smiles” I smiled “it was nice, the kids were so happy. They had the best time of their life for both days, singing, dancing and then backstage Rihanna as the photographer around, and the pictures she posted, I didn’t think she would and it was on every blog but it was of me there, well the side of me but I was just looking at the kids and she was getting ready to go on stage, but it was good. We was good, we are in a good place with our kids, that is the main thing. We are tonight going winter wonderland, and she agreed to it, so we go there with the kids” Maxwell eyes widened “that is brilliant, you are fitting in every moment with the kids, that is what we want to hear. Fantastic news and not an ounce of kick off, anger. Fantastic” taking in a deep breath.

Maxwell is typing away, mostly the things I have said to him “remember we need to see the doctor, check on the medication, make sure nothing is making you unwell. As you know, erm. The sleeping tablets, I know you don’t take but you sleep so we can accept that” nodding my head “I am going to apologise to Rihanna” I said openly, Maxwell froze “really?” he said “mhmm yeah, the way she cried and said why didn’t I do it with her, she was begging me to do it but I don’t remember her doing that, I don’t. I wish I was joking, but she said she was and I believe her, I am going to say sorry” Maxwell nodded his head “you can Chris, you don’t need to tell me at all, you do what is right in your heart” nodding my head “you know what, I thought I would be suffering when she came, that is why I said I am going Jamaica but you know what, not an ounce of depression. I feel really good but then again” I laughed “it could be the tablets” I said “that has never stopped you from telling how you feel Chris, like now. You want to apologise, I think I have to give it to you. You could easily not take the medication, but you are, alone too. I can never say never because with what you have you can switch, but the only reason you ended up on the tablets was because of my concern” nodding my head “and only you know that, I just think I was never mentally ok when I got beat up so many times, you can’t be in cahoots with death, you can’t be close to death and not get away with any scars, I came back to my home with scars and then I ended up getting more. I was never mentally ok, and it was never picked up, I just got on with it because who is going to listen to me, you know. I suffered and made Rihanna suffer with me. I was never going to be ok” I needed to admit that to myself, I really did.

The talk with Maxwell is always welcome, it’s always nice to have him around and have him listen to me and support me. But now I need to get over today with the kids, they really want to be family like. I get their vibe; I get their feeling. They want to have that normal thing; Imani wants us to be normal and wants that so tonight will be about that. I will be as normal as I can with Robyn and just try and let them have a good time before they depart to go to the next country, Tianna asked to stay and I don’t want that. It’s an on going case and I don’t want it to seem like I am there taking the kids from her, I want it to be just as it is. If Robyn asks me then it’s different “daddy!” Junior said opening the door “you the man of the house now” walking into the hotel room “big boy” he ran into my legs “love you son” closing the door behind me “is everyone ready?” I asked, “I am!” I can tell he is, seems really quiet in this suite. Where is everyone including her nasty ass family “I want to look cute, but the coat makes me fat” Rylee walked by, I guess she is on FaceTime “and dad is here, hi dad” she kissed my cheek and then ran off “ok then, let sit down” I pointed at the couch, I guess I need to wait for the women. They are clearly still getting ready but am I shocked with the women; they want to look good for something that is at night “who’s phone is that?” He is holding someone’s phone “Mychal” he said “and who is that?” He held the phone up laughing “a man dad, he in mom bedroom” letting out an oh “there it is” some guy came from around the corner with a phone to his ear “this?” Junior said holding it up, this guy came over and then junior threw the phone and laughed “wow” I said “seriously!?” He spat “did you find your-” Robyn stopped speaking “yeah, he threw it on the floor, brat” Junior laughed “be nice now, say sorry” I said to Junior, he is laughing but I’m not “sorry” he didn’t mean that, he said it because I told him too “yeah thanks Chris” I don’t know him like that “I don’t know you like that but ok” I said but I don’t know him like that, Robyn is frozen in time, no need to be shy “you in my mom room” I can’t help but laugh, one thing about children they will expose you, I am not going to ruin no day, I am quiet, she can be the awkward one “can I have your phone please” Junior turned to me “mhmmm sure” well least she’s moved on, after that dramatic performance of crying at her concert, whatever though.

The way Robyn has swiftly got rid of this guy, I don’t know though. I mean we are divorced so it’s not my issue, I am not even mad about it, I have no right to be mad “you really love football don’t you” Junior is just watching YouTube on my phone still “he is my manager Chris” looking away from Junior “I didn’t ask, you don’t need to explain to me at all” Tianna walked into the room “are we going or what? Why is everyone taking so long” looks like Tianna is in a bad mood “it’s not me, I am here waiting for you kids” Rylee finally appeared with a boat on “I thought that made you fat” I said laughing “shut up dad, do I though?” shaking my head “Raihan is unwell he isn’t coming” Robyn said “the wrong child is unwell” Rylee said, looking at her “that is rude now, so shall we go” getting up from the couch “I am so excited!” Imani spat; I am not going to ruin this day at all. I refuse to even care about what was said, if it’s her manager ok but in her bedroom too, it’s a little funny to me but I will not say anything “aren’t you cold?” Tianna asked “nope, Rylee looks like she is ready to go to the Antarctic” she is so dramatic “she is anaemic too” Tianna pointed out, I sniggered “shut up!” Rylee spat “I get heavy periods, the fuck” I groaned out “ok, can we just go now” I don’t want to know about that “you literally air out everything, whore” least the girls get on. Standing in the corner of the elevator “I literally can’t wait to just go back to the warmth of California” Rylee said, the elevator doors closed and my eyes dragged over, Robyn is staring at me. I don’t know why she feels bad, she is just quiet now “we have to split you, we have two six seaters” Rich said “then I will go alone, I don’t mind” not like I care anyways, the kids wanted this.

Rylee came into the car with me, she offered to keep me company “grow your hair out” looking over at her “like you grew your eye lashes out? You got the glue in things again?” Rylee laughed “well, yeah. Oh my god, can I put make up on your cheeks. Dad I really want you to gain weight, like it’s weird seeing you like this, I don’t know how to explain it either” nobody does “I know, who is this guy that was in your mom’ room?” I asked “Mychal?” she said it so openly, like she knows of him “yeah whatever, who is that?” Rylee rolled her eyes “manager, mom get so angry about it. Because he's been in the house, like they was laughing late night, we landed here and she went crazy on us. This man is just there, like he wants to be part of the family and I been telling Junior to make his life hell, I ain’t accepting shit. But I ignore her now, like yeah I saw him here, but I do my own thing” chewing on my bottom lip “sorry dad” Rylee apologised so quick “for what?” that was so quick, she looks like she feels bad “you don’t need to hear that, I am sorry” I shrugged “Rylee, it is what it is. But be nice to her, make life easy for her. I think you kids need to make life easy for me too, I don’t need to be here. I get you want to have a family thing but there is a lot things that is sore with me and I am trying to heal. And yeah, seeing and hearing that a man was in her room, it hurts. I can shrug it off but it hurts but I am not going to kick off but I don’t need this, to be in her presence. I am doing it for you kids, I am doing this for Imani. But I want you to stop, please. For my mental health, when I am ready to deal with your mom, I will say it but it’s so fresh to me. I am not going to kick off though but just don’t make life hard. Because at the end of the day she loves you kids so much, and don’t ruin what you all have on my behalf” Rylee feels bad “but we will have fun” I breathed out, I won’t be bringing that up again.

“Dad, can I ask a question?” nodding my head slowly “yep?” I wonder what she is going to ask “what is it like having what you have? I mean what does it feel like for you?” I didn’t expect that “you know what, like I didn’t know what I had at all. But now I do, I generally feel like I have to keep my emotions inside, because I get told I'm overreacting. So I end up feeling like I'm trapped inside my body screaming, I can’t express myself anymore like I do and more so now I have medication, it’s not good. Nobody knows how hard it is when your emotions change, how I switch but how it feels for me, only thing people see is I am being a dickhead, that is it. I am the bad guy; I am putting it on you know. I always speak my mind, but I am supressed because I have lost so much” I paused feeling like I am getting choked up “I erm, it’s hindering me in so many ways, and I feel like because I know I feel worse about it. It’s not good, you know but I am here, and my kids. They make me happy” Rylee smiled “I feel protective of you dad, I really do” I laughed “don’t be, I am protective of you” she is sweet “when people were shouting things at you, I got so angry, nobody talk to my dad or says things like that” shaking my head “stop it, I don’t need protecting. Don’t treat me any different, I am still me and I appreciate you care” I do appreciate it.

“Can I go on it then?” Junior asked, he will be scared as hell going on this, this ride is very high up “but what if you cry?” Junior shook his head “I won’t” so he says “right so I will sit with Junior, then Chris can sit with Imani since it’s in pairs” I am not even bothered but Robyn put it out there, I don’t want to sit with her either to be fair. We are trying to be normal so we are queuing for things but it’s getting a little awkward, people are staring and second guessing themselves “six of us!” Rylee spat, the lady looked at us, it was more of a stare and then it look like it hit her “ok, come” Rylee ran towards Junior and grabbed his arm “you’re my partner” didn’t we just discuss this beforehand “kids” I said they about to leave us together “we want to sit together” they all ran off “they are doing this on purpose” Robyn said and she isn’t wrong, they are and I already told Rylee to not do this. I am not going to be an asshole and not sit with her, it is a two seat thing. Sitting down as so did Robyn “I guess we need to just get used to it” I didn’t say anything “mom, dad!” Tianna half shouted, looking for that voice, this is how far they sat. Squinting my eyes at her, she is laughing so hard of course she is with that phone in hand “how long is the ride?” I asked the guy strapping us in “about three minutes” I laughed “longest three minutes of my life” I said “don’t flatter yourself” I sniggered “least we can be those divorced parents that try to impress each other years later” Robyn side eyed me “it’s not what you think” I don’t even want to hear it “don’t explain to me, it’s fine” looking away from her “trust me” I don’t care for it.

[loveisblindfanfictionbka]

Love Is Blind: Chapter Twenty-One

“So.. what do you think?” Robyn asked as she slowly turned in a circle. Leandra stood up and walked around her a bit before standing back with her hands on her hips, “I love it. We’ll get your hair done and you should be ready for tonight.”

“I don’t even know why I let you talk me into this. This isn’t our first date, you know.”

“No but it is your first date since you’ve been given a somewhat clean bill of health. You should get all dressed up. It’s been weeks, Robs.”

“I don’t even know where we’re going.”

“Does that really matter? You are going out with your husband, don’t worry so much.”

“Boyfriend. We are not married.”

“You could be if you’d stop playing.”

“You will not start with me too. I get enough of it from my mother and Melissa.”

“They aren’t totally wrong. I don’t see what the hold up is.”

“There isn’t a hold up. He hasn’t even proposed to me.”

“Would you say yes if he did?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

“How don’t you know?”

“Just what I say. I don’t know. I love him but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m ready to go down the marriage road with him again either.”

“I mean neither of you really gave your marriage a fighting chance beyond that first year. This could really be a clean slate for the both of you.”

“We’ll never have a clean slate and I’m not saying that in a bad way but it’s just realistic. There’s no need to delude ourselves into believing our past will be forgotten. We’ve moved past it and gotten this far in spite of it but it still happened.”

“Then if you moved past it, why the concern?”

“Because I’m not ready to go there. It’s a really simple concept.”

Leandra scoffed, “whatever you say.”

Robyn went back into the dressing room to change back into her clothes. 

                                     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Daddy, why can’t we go with you and Mommy?” Anesa asked as Chris started packing her overnight bag.

“Well Sweetheart, this is a grown up date. We took you and Christian with us the other night for a family date,” Chris replied.

“Yea but I wanna go on this one too.”

Chris chuckled, “Baby Girl, sometimes Mommy and Daddy need alone time. It’s just one night, you’ll be back home tomorrow.”

“I guess.”

“You don’t have to look so sad, Love Bug. What’s going on with you? You’ve been wanting to be under us more than usual. Did something happen?”

“No.”

“I don’t think you’re being truthful with me, Anesa. Come here.”

Chris sat down on her bed and Anesa climbed into his lap, “talk to me.”

“I just want to make sure you and Mommy stay friends.”

“When were we not friends, Nesa?”

“A little while ago when y’all weren’t talking.”

“Sweetheart, we were still friends then too. Listen, in relationships, sometimes things happen and it takes some time to adjust. Mommy and I were in an adjustment period especially since we had just had your little brother and Mommy was still very sick and recovering. You gotta give time for things to become normal, that’s all.”

“I thought you didn’t love each other anymore.”

“Awww….I will always love your Mommy. You never have to worry about that.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. There’s nothing going on with me and your Mommy that should ever be cause for concern, ok?”

“Ok.”

“Good. So go get your Teddy bear and put it in your bag so you don’t forget like you did last time.”

“Yes Daddy.”

“I don’t know, Le. This seems like a bit much,” Robyn remarked as she twisted in front of her mirror and the screen of her laptop.

“I know he said something casual but that doesn’t mean it has to be basic.”

“But look at my legs.”

“Your legs look incredible as does your ass. Bitches pay for a body like that. Thick is it, Baby Girl.”

“Whatever.”

“You are being way too hard on yourself and for no reason. You look good and I am not just saying that because we’re friends. You’ve lived in sweatpants and leggings for the last few months, enjoy being womanly and enjoy those curves, you earned them. Postpartum done turned my fashionista into a damn bummy tomboy. No go.”

“I did not look  bummy.”

“Bitch, you definitely do. Perfect size 14 hidden under them baggy ass clothes and Chris’s hoodies. You looked homeless as hell.”

“Ugh….the disrespect.”

“It’s the truth. Go out with your man in that little ass skirt, do whatever then drop your pussy on his face for good measure. You deserve it.”

“Why are you so vulgar?”

“Why are you so scary?”

“I am not scared.”

“You definitely are. We have never had to talk you into a dress or getting your hair and nails done. That was always your thing so get back to it. Part of getting back to normal is getting back to loving yourself. I know you may look different but different isn’t necessarily bad, you know. You’re still standing, celebrate that.”

“Pregnancy always did make you all cerebral.”

“Girl shut up. All this baby is making me do is pee all the damn time.”

Robyn laughed, “I love you, Le.”

“Good but I need you to love you too, ok?”

“I’m working on it.”

“Good. Now go sit on your man’s face or something.”

“Bye Nasty.”

“You love me, Sis.”

Robyn ended the video call then took one more look at herself in the mirror. She really didn’t look bad at all. SHe grabbed her purse and left out into the living room. Chris was leaning against the back of the couch with his arms folded. The colors in her skirt gave their ensembles the only lift of color as Chris was dressed in black from head to toe. He looked good.

“Hey Babe,” she said softly.”

“Hey. You look amazing.”

“Thank you. So do you.”

“Thanks. You ready?”

“Yup. We can head out.”

“Next time tell Leandra to stop talking so loud.”

Robyn’s eyes widened, “Oh my god, you heard that.”

“I heard enough.”

“How much?”

Chris smirked as he pressed up behind her and leaned close to her ear to whisper, “I do plan on you sitting on my face at some point tonight.”

“Chris.”

“Uh uh, we’re not talking about it. We have a date to get to,” he moved to open the front door, “after you, Ms. Fenty.”

“Where in the world do you get these ideas of things to do?” Robyn asked as she lifted a smock over her head. Chris carefully tied it in the back of her before they followed their host to a gathering of tables. They were set up in sets of two, each table facing the other.

“Well this idea is actually something you mentioned years ago and when I was thinking of where to take you for our date that wasn’t super serious, pottery sounded good.”

“I mentioned this before?”

“Yea, back in college if memory serves me correct.”

“Do you always remember everything?”

“The good things, I try.”

“Hmm…:”

Chris helped Robyn sit down at the pottery wheel in front of him before he sat down at the one on the other side, “is this ok?”

“This is great. I’m surprised I don’t remember that conversation.”

“You really don’t?”

“No. I suppose there’s some things I’ve blocked out over the years, good and bad.”

“Wasn’t expecting that.”

“Why?”

“The bad stuff I get but our dating never seemed that forgettable.”

“I didn’t say it was forgettable, I said I blocked some things out. Big difference. We knew each other too well back then, hard to move forward focusing so much on the past especially with our past being so entwined with each other. Good memories are sometimes harder to deal with than bad ones.”

“Why do you say that?”

“The desire for them to reoccur always comes with them.”

Chris nodded his head in agreement, “now that I understand but that doesn’t seem like a bad thing.”

“If things ended good, of course not but we originally didn’t.”

“Very true. You really wanted to forget me.”

“Forgetting you meant I could rebuild my life. It just didn’t turn out that way.”

“And now?”

“Now is now. I’m happy. I have a great relationship and beautiful babies, I couldn’t ask for anything better.”

“Are you scared to want anything more?”

“Scared? No. Cautious? Absolutely.”

“Hmm…”

“I spent a lot of years assuming, I’m walking into this eyes open.”

“But you still don’t trust what you see.”

“I trust what I see and what I feel. I don’t trust my processing of it, just yet.”

“I can understand that.”

“Are you putting out feelers for something?”

“Nope, just having a conversation. So what do you want to make?”

“I think a bowl should be easy. You?”

“I’m thinking a vase.”

“Sounds a little complicated.”

“I think I can handle it.”

“So….did I offend you earlier?” Robyn asked as she took a bite of her steak. She returned her fork to her plate as she took a sip of water. Chris glanced up at her then shook his head, “No. Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know, just asking.”

“There was nothing to be offended about. We both had our own ways of making it past our divorce, that’s nothing abnormal.”

“Oh ok.”

“Tonight has had a weird line of questioning, are you putting feelers out for something?”

“No.”

“You sure? I know your family thinks I’m gonna propose to you soon.”

“They’ve been thinking that ever since they found out we were each other’s internet friend.”

“Ah. That doesn't concern you?”

“Why would it concern me? It’s not I’m just gonna fall in line with it just because it’s what they expect.”

“And what do you think I expect?”

“I have no idea and no desire to speculate. Do you want to propose to me?”

“I’ve told you before I wanted to marry you again.”

“Ok but do you want to put that into action?”

“Are you worried that every time I take you out there’s a possible proposal around the corner?”

“No but should I be?”

Chris laughed, “Robyn, when I’m ready to propose, there will be no question or wondering about it. I’m not gonna tell you beforehand but you’ll know what my intent is.”

“Ok.”

“That’s it? Just ok?”

“What else am I supposed to say? You know my stance on marriage, my concerns about some secret proposal have been clarified, there’s nothing else to say.”

“Does the idea of marriage scare you?”

“No but the idea of marriage has scarred me. I’m not ready mentally or emotionally for it so I don’t think about it unless somebody brings it up which tends to be every time I talk to Melissa or my mother.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for? You’re not the one bringing it up.”

“I know but I feel indirectly responsible.”

“Listen, you love me. I love you. We have family who unfortunately don’t know how to mind their business but we love them anyway. It comes with the territory.”

“It doesn’t have to. I can ask them to stop.”

“Not necessary.”

“Are you sure?”

“Very sure.”

They both fell silent and continued to eat their dinner. After the waiter carried away their empty plates, Chris took a sip of water and sat back in his seat. Robyn’s brow furrowed as she mimicked his movement, “what’s on your mind?”

“What makes you think something is?”

“I know your body language and you’re thinking about something.”

“Are you ever gonna officially move in with me?”

“I thought I did already.”

“You still have your apartment downtown though.”

“Chris, I moved my stuff out of there and into storage six weeks ago.”

“What?”

Robyn laughed, “That’s why I went down there for a weekend. I sold whatever furniture I could and put the rest of my stuff in storage. I thought you knew.”

“No, we never talked about it. I just remember asking if you had heard back on the buying price for your apartment, you said no and that was it. Where is it in storage at?”

“In Middletown. There’s a place about 20 minutes from the house.”

“We can get it out of there. You know I have a storage building on the property.”

“I know.”

“All this time I thought you were deciding on whether to leave or not.”

“If I was going to leave, it would’ve been months ago. I’ve been at your house since the beginning of my second trimester, Christian is going on six months old. That’s almost a year, Babe.”

Chris chuckled, “I really didn’t know how to approach you about it without seeming like I was being pushy.”

“You could’ve asked me. I didn’t want to assume that I could store my stuff at your house so I got my own thing, that’s all.”

“Well then I guess my next question won’t seem so weird then.”

“What?”

“You wanna redecorate?”

“Why? Do you want me to?”

“I want you to feel at home and there’s not much of anything that’s yours there except for you, your clothes, and our babies.” 

“Chris, have you ever heard me mention any of that?”

“No but I also didn’t know whether you wanted to stay or not either.”

“True. Honestly, we could just put some pictures up or whatever and that should be fine.”

“Are you sure? I want it to feel like it’s your house too.”

“It’s fine besides now that I’m back to work, we’ll only be there on the weekends right?”

“Yea but that doesn’t change my sentiments. We have to update the condo then too.”

“How about we take some family photos, blow them up and use it as art, make it feel more like our homes and not just yours?”

“Works for me.”

“I’ll have to check Melissa’s schedule and see when she can do it.”

“Ok.”

“Now I have a question for you.”

“What?”

“Did you really hear my entire conversation with Leandra?”

“Every bit of it.”

Robyn laughed, “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Because she can be a bit much.”

“It’s fine. I didn’t disagree with anything that she said.”

“But what if I do?”

“OK then what do you disagree with?”

“Sex being the center of our evening.”

“We’ve been out since 6 and it’s going on 9, has it been the center of our evening?”

“No.”

“Have I brought up sex at any point tonight since we left the house?”

“No.”

“So,what’s your point?”

“I was just saying.”

“Robyn, I know you. I don’t have to seduce you as cocky as that seems. I don't have to do anything to charm you out of your panties because if you want to give them to me, you will.”

“I’m not that easy.”

“No but you are that stubborn. You will push back just to do it even if it goes against what you really want to do. I cannot claim you unless you want me to. I cannot seduce you unless you want me to. And I also can’t get you to sit on my face unless you want to. There is absolutely nothing easy about you and as frustrating as it is, it is also the sexiest thing about you.”

“You lie.”

Chris chuckled, “why would I have to? You have made me work to have you since the day I met you. No amount of time will change that about you.I’ve always loved that about you.”

“You just called me stubborn, Christopher.”

“And at no point did I say it was a bad thing, did I?”

“I guess not.”

“So, my only plan was to ask you, Robyn, would you like to have sex with me?”

“Here we are once again,” Robyn said a light chuckle as she sat on the edge of the bed and kicked her shoes off her feet.

“You really didn’t have to rent a room, Christopher.”

“Special occasions deserve a special atmosphere.”

“For someone who claims to not be trying to seduce me, you sure are trying to seduce me.”

Chris chuckled as he unbuttoned his shirt and tossed it over the armchair beside the dresser, “The flowers are because I love you. The candles are to make it smell good.”

“And the massage oil?”

“That’s to make sure you still feel good once we’re done.”

“So that’s not for before?”

“No, definitely for after.”

“Hmm...what exactly do you plan to do to me?”

“What do you want me to do to you?”

Chris began removing his pants as Robyn leaned back on her hands to watch, “are you going to get undressed?”

“You can do it once you’re finished with yourself.”

“No taking charge here?”

“I’ll take charge later.”

Chris smirked as he leaned against the door. Robyn sat up, “you’re staring at me, just like last time. What is it?”

“Nothing. Just looking.”

“You make me nervous when you do that.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

“If I did, I wouldn’t ask.”

“Do you really wanna get all serious at this moment?”

“This moment was already serious. Any time I spend with you is important and serious. So what did you mean by I make you nervous?”

“This is the first time I’ve gotten dressed up in almost a year.”

“I know.”

“So...”

“Robyn, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you’re beautiful no matter what to me. I wish I could make you believe that.”

“I’m trying.”

“Good and today was a great first step. I’ve missed seeing those legs in heels.”

Robyn giggled, “what you trying to say?”

“That you’ve been dressing like you’re auditioning for Set It Off.”

Robyn’s mouth dropped open as she tossed a pillow at him, “Babe!”

“It’s true. You’ve been wearing boxers for months and since that is a one hell of a skirt, I can see that tonight you’re not. I’m impressed.”

“I don’t know whether to be flattered or insulted.”

“It is definitely a compliment. I know it wasn’t easy for you because you don’t quite feel comfortable yet so I do appreciate any effort you take to get back outside your box.”

“I didn’t even realize I was in a box.”

“You’ve been through a lot especially over the last six months, it’s gonna take some time to get you back in your high heels and short dresses but we’ll get there.”

“You sound so sure.”

“Because I am. If there is anyone that can pull themselves out of a rut, it’s you. You dealt with my moody, screwed up ass for three years, this is a piece of a cake.”

“Well that’s true.”

Chris pressed his hand to his chest in mock shock and Robyn laughed, “you said it, I was just agreeing.”

“I like that sound.”

“What sound?”

“You. Laughing. You sound happy.”

“I am happy. Tonight was great even though you still haven’t brought your half-naked self over here yet”

Chris chuckled, “I like committing this view to memory.”

He walked over to the bed and Robyn lifted her leg to press her foot into his chest, “what you doing?”

“You really have to ask? I kind of wish you kept your shoes on.”

“Why?”

“So I could take them off you myself.”

“Hmm...so how you feeling tonight?”

“I’m feeling like we both just go with the flow tonight,” Chris grabbed her foot and placed a kiss on her ankle, “what about you?”

“Whatever you want, I’m here for it.”

“Can I kiss my girlfriend?”

“Wherever and whenever you want.”

Chris grinned and leaned down to kiss her lips, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Baby.”

                                     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Aaah! Christopher, stop it,” Robyn screeched laughingly.

Chris grabbed her around her waist and pressed against her, “stop making all that noise. You gonna wait up the whole floor.”

“Then you get from behind me. You play too much.”

“Who said I was playing?”

“Chris, we have to get home to our children.”

“Our children are with their aunt. They will be fine, besides we have this room for a few more hours and I want to enjoy them.”

“Baby.”

“Look, we’re not even dressed yet.”

“Actually my shirt and skirt are on.”

“Minor technicalities.”

“Christopher.”

Chris leaned in and nipped at the skin of her neck. He murmured, “why you acting like this?”

“Because we’re never gonna make it out of here if you start again.”

“We will. I promise.”

He carefully opened the top buttons of her shirt to kiss her shoulder and collarbone, “I can’t walk out of here like this.”

Robyn moaned softly and bit down on her lip as he kissed along the swell of her breast, “Why are you so damn irresistible?”

“I’m good at this.”

Chris hiked up her skirt, sat her on the edge of the dresser then carefully slid into the wet crevice.

“Oh God,” Robyn gritted out, “You are too good at this.”

He rocked inside her slowly, to keep from moving the furniture against the wall. Robyn’s nails dug into his shoulder blades as she pressed her head against his. Chris gripped her thighs and gently pushed them apart as he sank deeper into her. He nibbled at the swell of her breast before moving his lips to her neck. He could feel her legs trembling and her walls tightening but he didn’t want her to cum just yet, not without him. He pulled out, leaving only the tip in and Robyn let out a sigh against his skin, “I was close.”

“I know. That’s why I pulled out.”

“We don’t have time for you to play.”

“We have time for anything we want to do. You know I never rush.”

He pushed back into her and she groaned out loud. Flexing her walls against his shaft, she attempted to hold him in but he slid back out then pushed back inside. Hard. 

“Christopher,” she murmured.

He kept kissing on her neck, nibbled at her earlobe and caressed her thighs as he gently pulled out then kept pushing back in. She could feel her orgasm just teetering on the edge. Her skin felt like it was burning up. She trailed her nails in the sweat glistening on his back. He finally picked up the pace but he pulled her away from the dresser and held her up in mid air. He continued to bounce her against his pelvis, her skirt bunched above her waist, her shirt hanging off her shoulders. Her hair sticking to her skin. She wrapped her arms around his neck to anchor herself. He dug his fingers into her thighs to hold her steady then whispered one word in her ear,

“Come.”

Chris stopped moving as he watched her orgasm wash over her face. It was never violent or exaggerated. She always came in a gentle manner. Her eyes closed. Her chest heaved for a few seconds then slowed. Her body went lax against him, her face pressed against his head. It was his favorite part of them coming together. He wished he could bottle that feeling somehow, so she could feel that way at will. As her body released against him, the peace in her movements, her face was all he ever wanted to remember. 

[rihmotion]

😂🤣😂🤣 #chrisbrown #rihanna #chrianna https://www.instagram.com/p/CmSEfk5uJqg/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[calypsoff2]

One Hundred Eleven. Part 3

Robyn is dramatic, as she is. As soon I landed in Chicago there is three bodyguards, not the ones I know but can tell she called in favours, but she is dramatic that wife of mine. I just come out here for Herb, my mind is going crazy right now. I just landed in Miami for this meeting, did that and then Jeff showed me the headline, I of course came out here, no matter what happened that is my brother. We argued, we had the beef but that’s my family and I don’t care what happened between us. I pray Herb is ok, I really don’t have friends and he’s just that, he is my family. I have no idea who these bodyguards are, but they move like the CIA, stepping into the elevator. I knew it, I knew him coming here, this place. They jealous of him, he shouldn’t have come home like that, I been telling him to leave but what does he do, come back here. These ain’t his people anymore, I just pray he’s ok, I want to apologise to him also, he didn’t deserve how I am and how he’s being treated with Mel. If she doesn’t say it then I will, I mean I will have to speak to my wife about it because she will murder me because she told me on the low because she was ranting. I would tell Mel but she deserves nothing, she cheated on him. The door opened and the hospital floor is very busy, the bodyguards stepped off and instantly just pushed people to the side, confusion set in and niggas are ready to fight because the way they are picking people one by one and pushing them to the side to make space “Oh shit Chris Brown” someone said, walking behind the bodyguards “Christopher is that you?” I can hear his mom “watch out” I said moving by the bodyguard “oh Chris, it’s so good to see you” his mom came over to me “Mrs right” hugging her “they got my son, they really tried to take my son away from me” nodding my head “what happened? I came as soon as I found out but what happened?” Moving back from the hug “he was hanging with his friends and someone open fired at him and his friends, they really trying to take my baby” chewing on my top lip “he needs to move, I told him this. Niggas are jealous of him, he needs to get out of the hood” he knows this “that’s our home, his home” she said “not anymore, I’m sorry. What is happening now?” I asked “they are just stitching him up, they shot at him, but it hit his leg” I breathed a sigh of relief, just his leg “it’s a bad situation but it’s his leg, I can rest” I laughed to myself “I’m glad it’s his leg too son, thank you so much for coming to see him. You want to sit down?” She asked me, I shook my head “no thank you” my bodyguards look so flustered, it’s a little hectic so I understand them not happy about being here “we can stand down there” I pointed out, it will be a little calmer, on top of that people have started to record and take pictures.

His parents have gone to see him, his little family anyways. I’m tired, all I’ve been doing is be on that jet. I just want to go home now, I think I’m just going to go home and hug my wife, that is what I want to do. Grabbing my phone from my pocket as it rang out, my dad is calling me. I guess I will pick it up “hey” I answered, “hi son, I see the post about Desean, what happened?” He asked “erm he’s gone missing, they don’t know where he is. I can’t really tell you much but that” I mumbled “Tootie got pregnant barely of age, she was unfit then and she is now” I frowned “you called to say this? Don’t call me to talk shit, you ain’t above anyone now you there getting your dick wet” I don’t want to hear his shit “son, you are being so negative, and everyone can see how negative you have been, it’s only you that is looking bad” he said “why did you call me? You really didn’t care so what?” I’m not understanding “I just hope he’s found, he’s a good kid” shaking my head “a good kid? You raised him with my sister, why are you acting brand new? You know what, I don’t want to know” disconnecting the call, he is what he is, I am over his shit. Clearing my throat, I was about to speak to my bodyguard “Chris, Herb wants to see you” letting out an oh, I smiled. I wonder what he wants to say, if I was him I would be pissed off with me. My bodyguard opened the door for me “thanks” walking into the room, as soon as I saw Herb I laughed “tell that Jamaican nigga he was right” Herb said, I laughed out “he did say it didn’t he” dapping him “the first thing I thought of through my pain is that he told me this, man. I am just happy it just my leg, niggas are haters” looking at his bandaged leg “my dick still work though” shaking my head “the fuck you telling me for? I ain’t going to suck it” sitting down on the chair “I know, thank god” I sighed out “on a real though, how are you? I know how it feels, to be shot at. It ain’t the best feeling, scary actually” Herb nodded his head “I feared for my life, I feel like my reaction to the sound was shit, I just didn’t move fast enough. It was just my leg so I’m going to remain blessed” nodding my head in agreement “I am sorry, about Mexico” I apologised “I accept it” he smiled at me “I erm, I ain’t the strongest nigga like that. I’m just me so of course I’m going to back down” he explained “I am sorry that I did that, just a lot of emotions and things were said. I felt like people were just taking aim at me and Robyn, they was picking on things. Things were said but I care about you a lot, you’re my brother” I said to him, I feel like I did a lot and maybe too much actually.

Clearing my throat “you right with what you said, how you even said it. That I am a lonely nigga, I ain’t mad at it, it’s the truth. I don’t have people with me, you really are the only brother, friend that supports me. And actually cares for me and I nearly fucked that up and I don’t know man, I’m sorry” I apologised “you have this hard persona and it’s hard to break down when you are in that mindset, I feel like you could kill in that moment. Then you know, seeing Rih all stressed out, I then felt bad that I started it, I shouldn’t have come at you like that, but I just wanted to protect my girl, my woman, so yeah. I just think you need to let that hard mindset go because we all don’t hate you, I care a lot about you, and I think you need to stop being that, I ain’t mad at you” Herb laughed “I’m mad at me” I said laughing “it’s lonely being me nigga, but we good yeah?” I said “we good, you know I got love for you, and you don’t need anyone bro, you have the best prize. You got Rih and the kids, I’m happy for you. You got them, man. You ain’t lonely at all, you don’t need friends. And you got me” I laughed “your friend is Rih and your kids, nobody else matters bro. Be happy” he has a point “I really think you need to leave Chicago though; niggas is jealous, and I can’t do without you. Come back to Cali” Herb is laughing but I mean it “I’m like your annoying little brother, I’m going to think on moving” he agreed so this is a good thing “good, because this place. All this, it ain’t worth it. I rather you be in Cali, man. I am so sorry. Like thinking on it, just couldn’t lose you bro, I really couldn’t” holding his hand “man, stop being emotional. Don’t stay here nigga, go home. You look a little emotional, you want to speak on it” shaking my head “I just wanted to see you” Herb laughed “showing your emotional side now, nigga” I laughed, I feel a little emotional. There is a lot going on, I just want to see my wife and kids, I am going home.

Walking out of the hospital “uncle!” hearing that voice, looking to the side of me “little Melody” I said, so Mel is here. The distressed wife I guess. Picking her up “how are you beautiful?” hugging her, she pressed a kiss to my cheek “hi” Mel said “hi” I said back, very awkward hi because I for one don’t fuck with how she is “going to leave uncle now?” Mel said to her “going to see dad” I cringed, but I ain’t going to speak on anything, I am just going to keep my mouth closed for Robyn. Placing her down on the ground “tell Robz, thanks for the jet to get here” I pulled a face “she called it” she walked off, rolling my eyes. I am not even going to say shit, walking off with the bodyguards. My phone is ringing, grabbing my phone from my pocket “auntie” I answered the call “it’s me Chris” it’s my mom “hey mom, what’s up? Are you ok?” she called me “thank you son” she said “don’t be mom, just rest, heal. Be happy, any news on Desean?” getting into the SUV “no, I am going to sleep now” she said, clearing my throat “let me speak to him” hearing my auntie “hey Chris” she said “hey, you good? All good yeah?” I hope nothing has happened “we are ok Chris, just she wanted to speak to you, so I said let’s call him. Thank you for doing this for her, she needs this help” I hate that my mom has this “no it’s fine, I am here when she needs” I mumbled “good, speak soon” she disconnected the call, I am sad.

Home, I am just happy to be home but the way everything is quiet they are asleep. I ran up the steps and is currently running to the bedroom, Robyn is asleep, and the door is slightly open, she does this when I am not home, when she is alone with the kids she does this so the kids can come in when they want, I home the kids aren’t in the bed with her, then I will have to drag them out because I need to be little spoon right now. Pushing the door open a little, my wife is asleep “yay” I said lowly making my way into the bedroom, then I see the little nigga asleep at the side of her. He always takes over my spot when I am not here, see if it was Imani it would be easier but him, once he is awake he will not go back to sleep and that will piss us all off. Taking my top off, I am going to fit onto the bed, I will have to shuffle behind Robyn, I can do it. Kicking my pants to the side “hey” I said, reaching over and touching her arm “twin, Robyn” I said, she flinched and then turned to look at me confused “it’s me” I said, Robyn’ face is so confused “what?” she said “I come home early” she turned onto her back “Chris” she breathed out “oh my god” she is half asleep “Chris” she got up quickly “hey baby” wrapping my arms around her “oh my god” squeezing her close, I feel so sad “you came home quick” she said, nodding my head closing my eyes “I needed you” she placed her hand at the back of my head “I am here, I am so happy you’re home” I wanted to be home, I want to be with Robyn and just be with my kids.

I woke up late, like I was having some good ass sleep. Robyn woke up early and clearly she hasn’t told the kids “hey, I have been waiting for you to wake up” she said as I stretched out “I slept good, thank you for letting me be little spoon” she laughed “well Junior slapped you but you then I told him off, how dare he hit my baby. You’re my baby, he is my baby boy. I love you; I have missed you so much, plus I wanted to murder you. Stupid” I sighed out “yeah, you know that place drains me. I get horrible flashbacks, never good ones. Then Herb, just upset me. I just wanted to come home, to you of course” shuffling up on the bed “that makes me so happy, that you want to come home to me. You usually end up lashing out, you usually want to run away” nodding my head “I usually do but not anymore, I just want my wife and Herb is right. You the only friend I got, I appreciate you a lot” Robyn poked her lips out at me “why are you emotional, I cam feel it. You are feeling very emotional and needy” I sighed out “I saw my mom and she cried, like I know you was mad with me, you didn’t want me to be alone, but I didn’t want my mom speaking to you, or even saying you are bad person. So I went alone, not to cause issues. But my auntie was there, my mom is living with a friend, Robb was making my mom sell drugs, to stay at the house I guess. My auntie caught on and she had enough. She said my mom is uncontrollable and that she was being bad, and then I looked at her. She was my mom, calm, crying. She just wanted me; she was happy. My auntie is taking care of her, my mom is bipolar” Robyn’ eyes widened “I at first didn’t believe it then she showed me the tablets, then my auntie said she can’t have her at the house. And my mom will be homeless. I couldn’t leave her like that Robyn, I just couldn’t. I got her an apartment, something small and out of the way. But wow, I always assumed she lost her mind. She did and I really want to kill Robb” shaking my head “wow” Robyn said “I mean her behaviour now makes sense but” she paused “I am not upset or angry at you helping your mom, I think that is the right decision and I want you to be happy. You finding out that about your mom, I know that must have upset you. And I am here for you, also your nephew missing too. I was selfish in the fact I think I would have kicked off with you in the past, just because I wasn’t ever seeing the bigger picture, but I am sorry, I am sorry that you are going through this” I am sad as shit, Herb thing just topped it.

“Then my dad called, he said Desean missing. Poor boy, underage mother, and she wasn’t good, still isn’t now. That has not correlation to this. Like that nigga, he get on my nerves but wow. She has bipolar all this time. Reading up on bipolar in women they have this urge to just be bad, they fuck up, they go through these emotions. And generally they will have the urge to” I stopped talking “I don’t want to even say it but they do fucked up shit, I feel like she needed help and nobody helped her. Not even me, she did so much shit and we was all so confused, how she lashed out on you. She just fucked up so much, I am sad. And then Herb, I could have lost the only nigga I really care for. Just a lot, you know” Robyn leaned over to me and hugged me “I am so glad you have come home to me poppa, and it’s ok to cry. I am so here for you, even your mom. I understand, I rather you talk to me, no matter what has happened. Your nephew, he needs to be reported” closing my eyes as I did, I cried because I rather do that then kick off. Wrapping my arm around her.

[lorrainegrant]

Chris Brown - Before The Party (Mixtape) - SoundCloud

Listen to Chris Brown - Before The Party (Mixtape), an album by DJ strike, LLC on #SoundCloud

Haven't heard this mix tape in a minute. S 👍

[avajoneslife]

(via GIFER)