#am like a very very messed up worker that doesnt worker

[jatlokgwo]

funfact 2 even though i have the wings and tail am not disasembally drone i make the x with the texting thing

[qlossytbh]

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeuQ8EA6/

I am obsessed with this edit!

Can you do a spencer reid x bau reader where she is very closed off emotionaly so he doesnt know if she likes him back or not until she does the little "tuck her hair behind her ears thing"?

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐮𝐜𝐤 - 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐱 𝐛𝐚𝐮!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 you were someone spencer found very hard to read. that is until the day of your birthday, where you accidentally do the infamous double tuck

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 PURE FLUFF, my beloved awkward spence <3

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 2.5k

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 this is so sickeningly sweet. my heart is literally about to implode, they’re so awkward and wholesome. this request was so fucking cute i just had to do something with it

𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

"Garcia!" You smiled sweetly, immediately infecting those around with a mirror of your very smile. You held one of your favorite candles between your hands, tracing the glass beneath your fingertips— You had just been meaning to buy a new one.

Garcia beamed proudly, knowing she had nailed your birthday gift, a task many deemed imposible. It’s not that you were hard to please, not at all. You had always been closed off with those around you, opting to talk very little about yourself and allowing people to talk a lot about themselves, which is what people nowadays loved doing. As a profiler, you knew exactly how to prevent prying eyes from seeing anything past the depths of yours.

However, to Spencer particularly, it was absolutely infuriating to not be able to read you properly. Any hypothesis he made up in his head based on any of your gazes, your gestures, your small quirks and antics— only turned out being proven wrong since you'd completely redirect him in an opposite direction to what he believed you were thinking.

He was constantly thrown off by you, and Spencer wasn't the type of person who particularly enjoyed being wrong or not being able to perfectly calculate and analyze a situation. His job was profiling after all.

There was a single reason and he tried to remain completely oblivious. But he knew that the only reason as to why he wanted so desperately to know about you was because he liked you— he really liked you.

As in 'became a blabbering mess around you' liked you, as in 'couldn't formulate a coherent sentence around you' liked you— It was so hard for him to act normal around you. Anytime you appeared out of no where, asking how his day had been, and offering another one of those teeth-rottening sweet smiles, he'd go blank and feel utterly stupid. Every aspect of being a genius vanished into thin air when it came to you.

Morgan teased him persistently, being able to see his fuming crush from a mile away. Spencer sat down quietly, watching you hug Garcia happily as you sat the candle down onto your desk. When you pulled away, you tucked a single strand of hair behind one ear, smiling brightly.

"So, has she done it yet?" Morgan inquired, appearing right behind Spencer as he watched you silently from his own desk. Spencer flinched, turning immediately in his chair, looking over at his fellow co-worker and friend like a deer caught in headlights. He used his hand to push Morgan's face away from his with a shove. Garcia, who accompanied Morgan, stood by the side, bemused entirely by the situation .

Morgan lowered his tone, lacing it with implicit teases that flew past his familiar smirk. He leaned against Spencer's desk. "So how's the stalking going Lover boy?"

Garcia laughed to herself unwittingly while she mixed her coffee around in her mug with a spoon. Spencer glowered at the two of them.

"I'm not stalking," He defended matter of factly. "And stop with the 'lover boy'"

"But that's what you'd call someone who's head over heels for our dear little—"  Morgan began saying in a sing-song voice as he poked at Spencer's cheek, desperate to get a reaction out of his constant teasing. With a firm slap, Spencer shooed him away, blushing profusely.

"I'm not.!" He fussed. Garcia let out a soft snort, to which Spencer was not amused by. In the slightest.

"Really?" Garcia asked, almost in amusement. The only one truthfully believing what Spencer was saying was himself.

"I'm just looking t-to—" Spencer pulled his lips into a flat line, unable to come up with a plausible excuse quick enough. "—to figure out what she may want for her birthday."

Garcia and Morgan exchanged a brief glance before simultaneously regarding Spencer. He sputtered, still glaring at them.

"What?!"

"Oh nothing.." Garcia took a sip of her coffee with a smirk. "Has she done it yet?"

"I asked the same thing!" Derek turned to Garcia. They laughed together as if one big secret was being tossed around in front of everyone and no one else knew. Spencer furrowed his brows, looking at them oodly.

"Done what?" Spencer couldn't help but ask, curiosity tickling him.

"The double tuck," Garcia stated, looking back over at Reid. The furrow in Spencer's brow deepened as he opened his mouth to speak.

"The—what?"

Derek then proceeded to give a very specific demonstration of whatever it was Garcia was talking about. Derek batted his lashes, putting on the most innocent face he could muster and giggled nervously as he pretended to tuck hair behind both ears. Spencer cringed at his antics while Garcia let out a laugh.

"When she really likes a guy and gets nervous she tucks her hair behind both ears at the same time,"

Spencer looked back over at you as you handed a fellow co-worker a few files, talking aimlessly. You threw your head back laughing at something the woman who chatted with you had said and Spencer couldn't stop a small smile from creeping it’s way onto his face.

"She hasn't," He said, still looking at you intently. Garcia and Derek shared a look and with one more sip of coffee, she added.

"She will.”

"Watch out lover boy, she'll catch you staring—" Morgan whispered in Spencer's ear, which only caused him to reach back in protest and slap Derek away. He turned to glare at him while Morgan laughed.

You thanked Garcia one final time and turned your attention over at Morgan who was now laughing in a way that you felt intrigued enough to want to be involved in whatever it was the two of them were laughing at. You tilted your head slightly to the side, furrowing your brows with a smile.

"What's so funny over there boys?" Penelope asked, lips curving into a sly smirk while she crossed her arms across her body. Spencer froze, looking over at you immediately.

"Uh— we, uhm—" He stammered, cheeks beginning to buzz with heat. Before he could dig his grave any deeper, JJ and Emily walked into the room singing happy birthday with a tray of cupcakes in their hands.

You turned to them, eyes blowing wide. A nervous laugh erupted out of you, causing you to lower your face and hide it in your hands, feeling profusely embarrassed. Getting this kind of public attention wasn’t something you preferred, and it made you wonder if there was anyone that truthfully enjoyed getting their chants of happy birthday’s in public.

Spencer’s could practically feel and hear the way his heart bursted in his chest as he watched you crinkle your face in embarrassment. It was evident on every single fraction of his face— the awe that pooled behind his irises and the way his cheeks were tainted a specific shade of pink.

"Someone's fallin'—" Derek started.

"Shut up."

The day had gone by swiftly. It had been a slow and uneventful day, so no crimes were up for reviewing. You had instead, been drowned in paperwork that had your back aching by the end of the day.

However, being surrounded by all of your friends and receiving so much appreciation and love on your special day had been a plus, urging you further to push throughout the rest of the day.

Hotch had given you an okay to leave early, and knowing that your parents were waiting for you to take you out for your birthday dinner, you hurriedly packed up your things into your purse.

On your way out, you shot a goodbye to everyone with a bright smile plastered across your features. As you walked past Spencer's desk, you offered him a brief glance accompanied with a small wave. “Bye Spence,"

He waved back woefully, blinking rapidly and pressing his lips into a tight smile that inched sideways. Not wanting to give himself the pleasure of gawking at you further, he turned to his files, swirling his pen in his hand nervously.

Someone cleared their throat, catching Spencer's attention. He turned seeing JJ, Emily and Morgan peering over at him from their respective desks.

"Really?" Emily pinched the skin between her eyebrows with frustration.

"What?" Suddenly he was feeling mortified that all his co-workers had been watching his entire inner-turmoil.

"Did you even give her the gift you spent weeks putting together?" JJ tested, resting her chin in her hand. Spencer looked away sheepishly, scribbling something onto his paper and not entirely sure how JJ knew about it.

"I— I forgot.." He said, voice small while he tripped over his own words.

"Reid, just get out there," Derek urged. He was beginning to get restless with watching the two of you ghost around eachother like two idiots.

Spencer stopped scribbling and glanced over at you briefly as you walked out the main door that lead towards the elevators. He looked back over to the others who all shot him a look of encouragement. He supposed that it wouldn't be a bad idea just to— you know, give you your present.

The impulse in him was screaming and yelling at him to just get up and chase after you. But another part of him was forcing him to stay glued to his desk, letting you leave yet again.

It really didn't help him not being sure where you stood when it came to your friendship. At times, he’d get the smallest intuition that maybe, just even possibly, you were on the same page as him, but the insecurity that lingered within him was loud enough to prevent him from ever doing anything about it.

He had to get over himself— it was just a present. Everyone had given you one except him, and he didn't want you thinking he didn't care. He knew he didn't give it to you not because he didn't care but because he cared too much and he felt really scared that maybe by giving you his gift you may not—

He clapped his eyes shut, realizing he really had to stop overthinking and just, in the ‘wise’ words of Morgan, 'shoot his shot'.

Spencer, peered down at his pocket, and back over at the door.

You pushed the glass door open, looking down at your phone and tugging your scarf up to cover your nose from the piercing cold.

"Y/n!" You turned, surprised to see Spencer running through the lobby and out the main door, catching up to you.

You watching him, wide-eyed and taken aback as he jogged up to you, opening his mouth to say something but having to lean over to catch his breath. He didn’t know if it had been the brief run or the unforeseen anxiety that caused him to run out of breathe— whichever it was, he needed to work on it.

You let out a soft laugh, finding his behavior amusing. “You okay?”

You followed him with your gaze while he finally straightened himself. No words were said as his chest heaved. He looked into your eyes, immediately regretting it as his rapid pulse hammered against his head. You too began to feel your heart begin to pick up its pace until you found yourself reaching up and tucking your hair behind both ears, looking at the floor sheepishly

And there it was.

Spencer's mind stopped running the second he registered your movements and Garcia's words flashed across his mind so quickly he almost didn’t remember.

"When she really likes a guy and gets nervous she tucks her hair behind both ears at the same time,"

"I, uhm—" He started, trying to prevent a grin from rising onto his face at his newfound information.

You watched him curiously, starting to wonder if his cheeks were turning pink due to how cold it was or if he was possibly blushing.

Spencer reached into his pocket and took out a small chained bracelet. It was small and dainty— nothing too flashy or flamboyant. He held his slightly trembling hand out to you, revealing the small, nearly minuscule butterfly charm that sat on center of it. You stared at it in awe, reaching over and grasping it.

As you stared at it, you recalled the first conversation you had with Spencer. It was nearly spring and you were on one of your first cases with the team. As you inspected one of the crime scenes, a butterfly had suddenly latched onto your wrist.

You looked at the small insect, briefly startled, but once realizing the absence of danger, you quickly allowed yourself to gaze upon the bug with curiosity and awe.

Spencer watched you intently. He knew close to nothing about you, but something inside him twisted with your tender gaze towards something so small and fragile. He couldn’t stop himself from opening his mouth and beginning one of his endless rants on that specific species of butterfly and how butterflies were a symbolism of good luck and, oh so on.

He couldn't stop talking and that was the first impression you had gotten from Spencer. He was profusely embarrassed afterwards, realizing he had probably overstepped a boundary you had yet to set given since— he really didn't know you all that much.

However, you smiled at him and asked him to tell you more. Since that day, butterflies had become your favorite.

And since that day, Spencer felt his heart double in size any time you were near him.

"Spence," You looked back up at him. "This is beautiful."

He smiled awkwardly, and shuffled on his heels, feeling his pulse quicken. How fast can one’s pulse beat? "I didn't want you thinking I had forgotten about a gift I just, didn't really know when to give it to you and I though—"

You watched his every movement intently, noticing the small pool of fog leave his mouth with each breath due to the cold, not even trying to avoid lingering your gaze on his lips.

"No! No—" You waved your hands in front of him frantically, panicking at the thought of him feeling in any way obligated to get you stuff, even if it was your birthday. It felt too indulgent from him— especially from him.

“It's okay..! You didn't have to get me anything, much less something so special,"

"I—" Spencer looked to the side. With the simple confirmation of your little hair tuck, he decided to push his luck, relying completely on Garcia’s analysis. "I wanted to."

You felt heat all over your face. You grabbed the small chain and easily slipped it onto your wrist, looking at it in awe. You once again, unconsciously tucked your hair behind both of your ears. Spencer noticed this but this time, he allowed himself to smile widely like kid on christmas morning.

You smiled down at it. Spencer watched you, eyes pooling with affection. You looked back up at him, realizing the way his gazed lingered on you. There was some form of affection that was quite evident, but you couldn’t allow yourself to think anything of it. Nothing was said, and that made you incredibly nervous.

He opened his mouth, wanting to say something but not being able to. The mix of the piercing cold and the invasive anxiety wasn’t doing him any good as his shoulders shook lightly. You took notice, and it made sense since he had chased you down in nothing but a blue button up shirt. Without a single word, you reached for your scarf and unwrapped it from your neck. You’d do okay with the cold. You had enough layers— and you were blushing enough to heat your whole body up.

You pushed yourself onto the tip of your toes, wrapping it around Spencer's neck in order to give him some sort of warmth. Spencer immediately grew dizzy, failing to ignore how the scarf smelled just like you always did— a burnt vanilla mixed with the sweetest notes of sugared petals, warm and inviting. He also failed to ignore how close you suddenly were.

Something in you flipped and with a slap of encouragement, you once again pushed yourself onto your toes and planted a tender kiss onto his cheek, staining it ever so slightly with the soft red chapstick you were wearing.

"Blue looks good on you," You said, hands still playing with the blue scarf that sat comfortably around his neck. You wish you could’ve taken a picture of his face, starstruck and dizzy.

You caught the small red stain on his cheek. You smiled, reaching up and smudging your thumb across the stain. "So does red."

Spencer had nearly felt his knees buck. Your sudden bold moves were causing him to spin. It had always been so hard trying to decipher your intentions and antics, but with you standing so close to him, for the first time, he found everything so clear and evident. Like the last layer of secrecy had been ripped off in the matter of seconds and he was entranced.

That could be part of the reason as to why Spencer couldn’t stop himself from leaning down and placing a firm kiss onto your lips.

You froze momentarily, completely caught off guard, especially since you had always thought what you felt for Spencer was one-sided. But soon enough, you eased and smiled into the kiss. It was sweet and soft, innocent and pure, and it was perfect.

He pulled away harshly, suddenly realizing what he had done. "I’m—"

“No!—“ You were surprised at the lack of stability in your voice. “T-that was fine,”

Oh if one could kick themselves. Fine?!

He cleared his throat, words caught deep into his throat. You blushed profusely, wanting to slap yourself back into reality as you grew more and more fidgety and nervous.

"I—" You both said simultaneously. This was embarrassing.

You shot him a nervous smile as you both proceeded to stumble upon each-others words, neither being able to form a coherent sentance.

"Are— Are you doing anything tomorrow..?" Spencer asked, anxiety clawing at him relentlessly.

"No," You felt anticipation in your chest as you shuffled your grip on your purses strap.

"Would you want to?—” He asked, voice small, as if testing the waters and terrified to how you would reply. “You know, do something..?”

A giddy smile grew onto your face, as your hands reached up, and for a third time, tucked hair behind both ears.

"I’d love to," You said. Spencer felt like he was on cloud nine.

"Great! Uh—" He glanced down, pursing his lips. "Cool..”

You stifled a laugh, as he peered over at you with a smile. "I'll text you,"

"Cool.." You pointed over to your car, realizing that it was getting late. "I'm going to, uh—"

A grin that stretched from ear to ear was plastered across Spencer face as you began walking away, also smiling to yourself giddily. Once your back was turned to him, you squeezed your eyes shut, nearly jumping with joy.

"Happy birthday..!" He shot out. You turned, offering him a wave. Spencer watched until you climbed into your car and left the driveway, with the widest, most stupidly huge smile plastered all over his face.

Of course, when he reappeared at his desk, wrapped in your scarf, cheek stained slightly, and the most dazed look splattered all across his features, Morgan didn't skip the opportunity to tease the hell out of him— again.

[scaredofbrits]

having the afton men as your bosses

william afton & micheal afton hcs

nsfw headcannons will be colored red.

william afton ✦

• he was a very serious man, to say the least. he didnt want any of his workers to see him act like a goof.

• "none of you will be prepared for the real world if you cannot behave correctly at your job."

• but then you came along. and every bit of respect he had for his reputation was shattered. not with other people, of course, but with you.

• instead of seeing william as your tough boss, you saw him as your literal reason to wake up everyday.

• and to him, you were his pretty little assistant. his good girl, even.

• sometimes, he'd give you extra work just to see you everyday.

• and other times, that work would lead to staying at the job extra late.

• once you would finish all that hard extra work, he'd reward you in various ways.

• "you did such a good job for me." he'd grin as he fingered you with all his power and speed.

• "my slutty little assistant fucking herself on my fingers.."

• his praise and degrading could drive anyone crazy for more.

• when you two would have sex during work hours, he'd tease you about noise the whole time.

• "shhhh, you don't want all your friends to know how cock thirsty you are.." and he'd cover your mouth.

• he made more than sure to fuck you so rough that your moans were extremely loud, and youd leave his office embarrassed.

• but what you didnt know was that the walls were soundproof. he just liked fucking around with you.

• nothing surprised him more than seeing your whore side for the first time. and oh did he love seeing it.

micheal afton ✦

• he was super sweet to all of his workers. bringing gifts, joking around, and being kind overall was his specialty.

• "how did you all sleep today?" he'd say over the intercom with genuine curiosity.

• once you had become his assistant, he could not resist you. a different side of him came along. a more needy one.

• he was always buying you gorgeous flowers every single day. and even though you were his assistant, he demanded nothing from you.

• and since he was an amazing conversation starter, you'd usually be found sitting on top of his desk talking to him.

• when your shift was over, he'd always say "time goes by so fast, doesnt it?" and that was his trick to make you stay.

• "a few more minutes, please? i'll do anything, gorgeous, please." was his other go to.

• he loved seeing you on top of his desk like you owned it. and he also loved seeing you mess around with his name plate on the desk. just fidgeting with it.

• and he wished youd fidget with him. just use him and treat him like your little fuck toy.

• one time, you wore a skirt to work. and of course that pervert kept sneaking glances at your revealed thighs and panties. those sights made his cock throb.

• and when he got horny? oh you were in for it. so much begging. "touch me please please please. look at how hard i am baby, please."

• "its okay if you dont wanna touch me, i'll touch myself and you can watch. tell me thats okay mommy. please."

• it was definitely hard to say no, especially with those puppy eyes he'd give. he acted like you getting rid of his boner was the best thing to ever happen to him.

• and when youd suck him off occasionally, he would absolutely lose it. he loved your mouth so much and he felt the need to repay you the same way.

• if you pleased him a certain way, he'd try his hardest to make it up to you the same way. suck him off? he'll eat you out. hand job? you get fingered.

• at the end of the day, all he wanted to do was be a good boy for his gorgeous girl. sometimes flowers didnt feel like enough to please you, so he had to try other ways.

[ylvaisawolf]

Messy thoughts on Fred (and Tubbo?)

This is really disjointed. This was just me typing everything that popped into my head down.

I have opinions on Fred (and everything around him atm)

Like everyone saying he is evil. Fred himself knows he did wrong things 

He knows he isn't a saint he just has a single person hae loves and cares about [Tubbo]

Fred told Tubbo he did wrong things and yes he did not specify what (From what I recall) but he told Tubbo and he said he didn't care (Tubbo said he would be a villain if Fred is sooo…)

Is it very cruel to tell someone you wish they would get tortured again? Yes! Hell yeah it is. 

Quackity has his reasons for hating the Feds no shit but he threatened Tubbo which is why Fred said that.

(Also I am biased towards Tubbo. I am Foolish/Jaiden in spirit aka I side with the characters I like more over my irl morals)

Like I do think he cares because he has to for the other workers but they are not friends, they are his underlings or bodyguards so you have to be nice there (Or you would hope. Even if manipulative)

Like I would be an idiot to not acknowledge him taking notes on Aypeirre’s torture or again his very cruel comment to Quackity

Fred acts different ways with different people. Like he is definitely more nice with Tubbo for example when he said he was a bad penpal for not responding much and “I genuinely felt like a stalker and that it wasn't morally correct what i was doing…”  (Day 195) of which Tubbo responded in his letter back with “ I don't think you should worry about the morality of trying to find them as kidnapping itself is very immoral.” 

Which is true but still.

Fred also said on the day of the movie date he has done bad stuff to Tubbo. (“You don’t understand, I’ve done bad stuff.” … or something similar as I am not watching the vods.)

So to me I am wondering where some people have been?

Fred is deny deny till he cant then bites back when out of options 

He is seemingly questioning himself and the Feds but atm he is following them along still

Back to Tubbo for a sec I have to mention that he said something along the lines of It seems everyone but the morning crew likes him so it wouldn't be hard for him to be a villain.

I keep bring that up whoops but like Tubbo is really protective of Fred warning him to stay away from Aypierre and that he will gladly listen to anything that worries Fred

Tubbo and Fred really love and trust one another.

ALSO!

Fred wrote on October 8th “I must admit… I don't know what my morals are or trust for the Federation is..” 

Man knows he is messed up <3 

(Also Tubbo just told him it is ok to question your morals)

Fred not trusting the Feds doesn't mean he doesnt follow what they want like torture btw. I am not ignoring that dont worry 

He still is doing his job. He acts like he doesn't like it but he is still doing it.

Also Fred at one point told Philza he loves snitching. Yes, kinda sassy but he did say that. (I think October 4th or 5th)

If it isn't obvious I Adore Fred even if he turns out evil. I find him to be a very interesting character.

Also I am not touching him leading Tubbo, Roier, & Slimecicle to the Maze. I have no idea what the deal is there.

Yeah this post is a mess but I don't normally post my own thoughts or do essays (this isn't even an essay). If I wanted to put more effort in I could but me typing my thoughts down and semi looking for direct quotes is all this post is getting haha.

I don't care if Fred gets better or worse as long as he is a fun and interesting character the whole time .

[crystalis]

i hope ur feeling better. ik its hard that we live in such a shitty society and ik exactly how u feel. ive also never landed a job, cant drive, and barely have any kind of life experience at the old age of 25. please dont value urself based on what you can or cant provide for the shitty capitalist system, u are so much more than that. i may not know u personally but weve been mutuals forever and uve always remained such a sweet, empathetic person with an interesting character and i just have so many hopes for u. it doesnt matter if ur behind in life compared to your peers, its unrealistic to expect everyone to fit into a restrictive mold. i could go on and on about this but my point is: dont allow someone to dehumanize or lessen ur worth because of conditions out of ur control. u dont deserve that, no one deserves that. if u need resources on how to help urself id be more than happy to help, but i also dont want to intrude too much. and i hope to god tumblr doesnt cut off this ask i have no idea how many characters are allowed

thank you that means a lot.. its validating being reminded im not alone, i think part of what makes it so painful is the feeling that i am failing uniquely. or that im the only person in this sort of situation

it feels dificult to get out of the trap of self-sabotage. it's like any time i make some sort of progress, like leaving the house more (last year i was going on walks a lot, and me and my mom were going to the park every once in a while), i eventuallt take 2 steps back and i ended up pushing people in my life away and making myself more isolated

i know that things would be easier if i had close friends my age that could help guide me, but it's like i unconsciously respond to that by making myself friendless/guide-less.. i dont know how to articulate this very well.. it feels increasingly more difficult to climb out of a hole the deeper that you are, and it's like there's part of you that just wants to dig deeper until theres no escape

i hvae really intense social anxiety and a fear of humiliation and i get very overwhelmed by it when im alone in public spaces or when i think about getting a job. i know its very exacerbated by the fear of the unknown since ive never done interviews or had a job before, i never even had a 'first time' experience and it makes it so much worse for someone with intense social anxiety

and theres also that feeling that i am intruding in someone elses spaces / lives or their friend-groups.. i always think—what if my coworkers dont like me or think im awkward? or what if i make things more difficult for them because i mess things up, or what if im a bad worker and people talk about me. and it gets harder the older i get.. how can i explain how clueless/backwards i am at 26 years old, it's not like im a 16 year old that people expect to not know what theyre doing, you know

[pearlescentmoonshippingbracket]

I know its gonna loose but idc I just made this drawing as a joke but its rlly silly so here

Gripearl propaganda.

I think Pearl had a small teenage crush on Grian (they were like 18-19 or very early 20s during evo) and suffered a lot when he got taken away by the watchers.

Then she sees him again during Last Life before meeting scott and he's hella changed both physically and in personality. He gets defensive when she tries to bring up Evo and even pretends he doesnt know her </3

She's also later on resentful of Grian cause of the whole cheating on Scar during DL (pls dont turn this into scar x pearl ship, i see them as fam and this is *my* headcanon).

Im using she/her on pearl for simplicity sake but I dont see Pearl as a woman, he's such a bigender he/she voidthing/voidgender mess. Also hey wolf Pearl not being DL exclusive! Hello!

Anyhow they're the doomed yaoi ever to me

Oh also this is during Life Series but during Hermitcraft? Specially season 10? I still gotta catch up w the latest episodes but did u know theyre goverment worker x goverment worker? Pearl got gf privilege at the permit office while scar suffered in line, watching Grian rizz up his sibling none the less!

I also made this hi. I gotta draw Pearl and Grian flirting over the counter sometime

Oh also the ship name gripearl is so funny to me cause haha sounds like grippers

Oh all of this is DELIGHTFUL

I love the "I regrettably loved Grian and all I got was this stupid shirt" top tier hilarity 10/10

God that whole story between those two during the Life series is sooo good

Government worker x government worker flirting in the permit office yes!!!! She really did feel like she had gf privileges.

I am more disappointed by the bad name but I wish it was better but alas (anything is better than grityn or cumscarian)

[jomnki]

horrible dream that lasted three days about

-an incoming apocalypse i wanted to get ready for by getting gardening books from the library (???) and desperately asking my mom to walk my dog in the direction of the library but she was incredibly resistant to it

-somehow becoming a target to twin anime girl serial killers because we all collectively saw them do a crime so we had to stay inside but for some reason no one was taking me seriously and we all went to a park.

-said park visit ending in my brother and dog going missing and me running around trying to find them. found my brother but was very anxious about my dog so i left him and kept looking. only to black out and wake up in the convenience store under my dad's chinese restaurant. my dog waddles in and i grab him. theres a video of the anime serial killer girls messing around with the victims of the killing we were witness to. i watch a bit of it before customers start coming in.

-for some reason im aware that there should be other workers but one of the anime serial killers walk in and i lock myself in the freezer with my dog for five minutes until my social anxiety about leaving customers without a cashier kicks in and so i go upstairs to the restaurant

-i learn at the restaurant that another family and my brother's remains were found by the police and somehow that im in an alternate universe where i could prevent this from happening by going with the serial killer anime girls to find them.

-i go downstairs and suck up to the anime girl. she has the personality of toga from mha but a bit more subdued. she already knows who i am and i am a hostage now. she gives me tictacs because i am a good suck up. the other anime girl serial killer is colder. she doesnt fully trust me but i am a hostage that they have to bring along with. i am given and shown the video i mentioned earlier. ots on youtube. the playback says ive already watched a bit of it but thankfully she doesn't notice. its raining outside.

-we start and suddenly it's a fucking firstperson hitman like video game where we go from a train to a cowboy town to a minigame where we have to jump over incoming bulls through a dangling lasso and i die and respawn multiple times.

-one time i become the third anime girl serial killer (but only in disguise) with a bright yellow wig which gets me spotted immediately during our sprint away heist so i had to jump into a river, rip off my wig and for some reason the wig is the only "illegal item" i have on me so i shove it underneath my shirt. the other two anime girls are stacked in a trrenchcoat like a fake adult. they have grown attached to me. i start to feel affection for them. i steal a vest from a sheriff npc who acts as the save point before the bull jumping minigame but i fail the minigame so it didn't matter.

-i watch more of the hostage video at some point, it shows them encouraging a hostage girl to do a backflip and she's crying. but she does it and she starts laughing. i think this is the point in the arc where im supposed to be like ohh theyre not so bad but they literally killed my brother and terrorised my family in another timeline.

-i wake up. not in real life but i wake up in the dream in a house ive never lived in but ive dreamt of many times. it has the secret kiddy cube in the closet that leads to a serious of colourful padded rooms (not dissimilar to a play zoo). it has the broken clock on the cabinet where i keep my trinkets and pokemon cards (in this universe i have a lo t) it has the spiral staircase and big living room windows and the dread of someone always coming to get me.

-i actually think im awake for real. i realize the serial killer anime girls don't actually like me in this reality and while i get up in the dark early 6am morning to turn on the wifi i am afraid for my life. my family is still asleep. but they're alive

-i find my sister's room (an iteration of it where she has a king sized mattress that we share even though its her room??) and contemplate laying down. but i dont. i peek into my mom's room where my brother is sharing the bed with her. i go back to my room, anxiety spiking and lay back down on my bed. the room i return to is eerily similar in layout to my actual real room (Which i register in the dream as a previous room in a previous house we moved out of), despite me at the time only recognising it as a coincidence.

-i actually wake up for real and the anxiety fades because the apocalypse isnt happening and no anime girls or government agents are trying to kill me. massive whiplash that what i just experienced wasnt reality.

[latenightdecaf]

Entry 7 - Summer of Vulnerability

part of let the pile of good things grow series - series masterlist

previous entry here

Yoongi x reader

Ft. nonidol!bts (glimpse of ex-boyfriend!namjoon)

Producer!yoongi, roommate!yoongi, soft!yoongi

slow burn romance, friendship, slice of life

series of drabbles/one shots

warnings: alcohol consumption

a/n: okay so here goes y/n remembering his ex!joon also will never get over of in the soop yoongi! can’t wait for the new season. Thank you guys for reading! 🙈

word count: 2,546

Went home from the grocery and some of their wines are on sale so you got carried away and bought 8 bottles and to your surprise, Yoongi’s cooking steak. “oh my God!” You exclaimed as soon as you saw him cooking in the kitchen with paperbag of wines in your arms. Yoongi looked at you with a confused face.

“Did you just read my mind or what??! There’s a sale on the corner deli and…” raising both of your hands as if surrendering, “okay don’t judge me yet but i got a little carried away.”

“A little carried away? You looked like the world’s going to run out of wine tomorrow.”

He smiled on your disclaimer and shaking his head as he paid his attention back to his steak.

“No.” You sighed. “Nothing went my way today, not at all��but i dont want to think about it. I’m psyching myself out of it you see, or better yet i’m drowning myself on these babies.” As you drank your first glass empty. “My eternal companion, the love of my life…”

He turned to your direction, only to see you hugging the bottles of wine that you bought.

He turned to your direction, only to see you hugging the bottles of wine that you bought.

“Come on clear the tables, your babies are not going anywhere.” He declared as he puts down 3 steaks and some aglio olio with honestly way too much garlic because it’s Yoongi.

“I didn’t saw you made pasta also. I am so happy now.” You happily exclaimed as you took a bite of your new favorite steak. “But why the 3 steaks? You hungry?”

He sat in front of you, filling your glass with wine and his too.

“You need food before you chug them all up. I’m not gonna clean up your mess. So you better get it together today. I tell you.” He scolded you.

“Sure sure.” As you immediately devour the pasta he made.

One bottle of wine down. He let you listened to a ‘sketch’ he’s been working on lately. Carefully studying your already flushed face for any reaction. He does this sometimes, ask for your opinion even though you have zero idea about music and producing or anything related to that for that matter.

All he considers is whether you winced at the melody of it, or you nod and eventually smile as it goes. But this time you’re just staring blankly in your wine glass, circling it repeatedly as the sketch ended at exactly 2 mins and 19 secs. And when it ended you looked straight at him.

“This looks like it’s almost done right?” You commented. “Yeah.” As he gulps on his wine, emptying another glass.

“And you wrote the lyrics also?” He nodded.

You looked away and sighed. “It’s too beautiful—Sad and in pain, feels tormented also but beautiful.”

He blinked several times at your words. You’ve heard several of his sketches before and you’d just always say, ‘it sounds good, but Yoongi—i have no idea about music. Zero.’ But he’d let you hear it anyway for couple more times and he’d smile at your ignorant reactions.

This time however, doesn’t seem like a laughing matter. Something about your words got his heart beating faster and he has no idea if its just the amount of alcohol he has consumed by now or just you.

You clinked on his empty glass. And asked, “You want more?” He nodded. And you poured him another. “Remember the girl, I introduced to you before?” You stopped and think for a second and it dawned to you. “Hell yeah, I remember.”

“She’s actually my ex-girlfriend.” He declared.

“Well that I did not expected. The ex part. I can tell though she looks really special.”

“Well, we’re together for a while. But now we’re just co-workers for this debut song of a girl I told you about before. That’s why she was here also the last time, we were looking through old sketches that I have after the meeting. We actually finished that quite early. ”

He never really talked that much about himself. He’s good at talking about work, which for you is already more than enough. You know that despite your living situation, he’s not really obligated to get personal if he doesnt want to. And besides, you also don’t want to. Your end of the rope for sure is scared of any form of vulnerability anyway—so you’re not expecting or demanding that from anybody else.

“So you’re just co-workers now?”

“Yeah, I think so. I really don’t know what I feel.”

“Well, relationships are messy my friend.” Raising your glass of wine as if to cheers and chugging it in one go.

Not sure of what to say next but he looks like he’s in mood to talk but the topic looks too sensitive to even crack a joke so you continued drinking despite the eerie atmosphere.

“If you dont mind me asking, what happened?” Yes, despite your immense effort to hold yourself back. Like any other novel you read, you have this eager feeling to know how it ends. Your mind is literally shouting, ‘But I gots to know!!’

And so you asked. Half fearing for your life for being too nosy and half expecting that you might be up for a good story. Elbows resting on the table, with your chin at the palm of your hand looking eager to hear the story.

“We’ve been together for a while”

“Yeah, you said that already.. and that she’s a song writer. I figured.” Unconsciously saying your thoughts out loud.

“You wanna tell the story instead?” He teasingly reacted in a straight face.

“I didn’t mean to say that out loud… I literally said that in my mind and my mouth just burst it open. They both can’t coordinate that well. I’m sorry. You may continue…sir. Please don’t cut my head off.” You love teasing him.

“You’re drunk.” He was pointing out the obvious by that time, after two bottles of wine.

“Yes she’s a songwriter. They said before thay she’s the words to my melody. Well… before.”

Something about those words just made your heart ache. Frowning in his words you continue to listen.

“We’re together for about 2 years? And then on and off after…. She cheated on me, slept with another producer from another company. I really thought that was the end but after that i still accepted her. I don’t know why.”

“Aigoo you dumbass solider of love. And then??” Continuously frowning in frustration led you to keep on drinking.

He has no plans of actually telling this story tonight, it just poured out. You’re just one of those people that actually listens. He has seen you before, how intensely you focus on a movie or in a book that it bothers you for day. You love hearing stories and your willingness felt like a safe space for his unspoken scars.

“She keeps coming back to me and I keep accepting her. That’s it.”

With a confused look on your face, “I don’t get it.”

“Like you said, relationships are messy.” He’s obviously trying to close the topic already but that’s not going to stop you—you never stop midway of the story. This is not how it ends.

“Messy is one thing, toxic is another. And since when are you a coward? You don’t strike me as one. Really.” ‘Yeah i was.’ Yoongi thought in his head. Words are just literally pouring out of your mouth by now, drowning yet another glass. Yoongi opening your forth bottle.

“Boy, I bought the wrong alcohol tonight, tequila would’ve been perfect.” You declared as he pours you a refill. He laughed at this comment, he kept wondering sometimes how easy it is for you to make him laugh.

“No but all kidding aside… Hard question coming in, Min Yoongi. Do you still love her?” Looking right at his eyes and him staring back at you as he answered. “No, we broke up a month before I moved in here.”

‘That’s quite a while, at least 9 or 10 months now…’ you thought to yourself

“Yeah but having been broken up doesn’t mean that love is gone. It’s not a switch you know.”

“I know. And I wish it was, she’s was a big part of my life I’m not denying that and maybe she always will be. But I’ve changed, she has changed—we’re no longer the same people that we were in the same relationship where I keep questioning my self worth. That’s done now, over. Love took a turn, and it doesn’t look the same anymore. We’re just co-workers now that’s all.”

You like the way he said it. Being no longer the same people that they were. You nodded in his statement not sure what to say next and also feeling a little dizzy.

“I gotta pee.” You suddenly declared and stood up, ran in small steps to the bathroom with Yoongi smiling at you and shaking his head.

And when you got back, he got you a warm water on your favorite mug.

Your thoughts are all over the place when you’re drunk, like you said—your mouth just spills it all out.

“You know what, this is all very brave of you. Being friends with your ex, I can’t imagine.”

“Why? Can’t you?” Staring blankly and holding onto your mug, eyes blinking fast in this question.

“I’m not sure. I’ve never really done it before, I’ll let you know if I can.”

You’ve been staring hard on your mug contemplating on his question. He gently touched your hand that’s been holding your mug and said, “Just drink your water.” And pulled it away as soon as you looked like your soul has comeback to earth.

“Can’t I…?” You repeated the question again, and this time out loud.

Hands underneath your chin and resting your elbows on the table. Yoongi is just staring at you, hands in his cheeks—thumb underneath his chin, not even sure if you can even see him. “I hate your question.” You looked at his eyes this time and said that and he just smiled and when he did, you narrowed your eyes. “I hate your smile too.” And this time, he gave you an even bigger one, those gummy smile. And whenever he smiles at you like that you just can’t help but grin in return.

You chugged the water and showed him your empty mug.

He got up and put the rest of the unopened bottle of wine back to the fridge just to prevent you from opening yet another. With his back facing you, arranging the couple of bottles left unto your fridge.

“Yoongi-ah, I know and I love how we respect each other’s privacy and all but just in case things get too heavy. I’m always here, you know. I mean, I’m really glad about today.”

He looked back at you, hands underneath your chin again and eyelids looking all heavy.

“Same goes for you, I’m always here…” And he turned his back again, “fixing you some food and light bulbs.”

And that statement made you smile. “Indeed, my friend. Indeed.”

He went back to the table and grabbed your wine glass and emptying it for you.

“So you wanna talk about how nothing went right today?” You sighed with your eyes closed.

“Maybe next time, my friend.” You stood up from the dinning table, offered to clean the rest of the dishes but Yoongi insisted that he’d do it instead. So you just nodded and slowly creep back into your room.

“Thanks for today, Yoongi.” You thanked him before you go, peeking behind the wall near the counter and he just smiled at you, cleaning gloves on and started washing the dishes.

Minutes later, you shouted from inside of your room.

“Hey i’ll be in the bathroom for a while. Hope you’re already done using it.”

Yoongi didnt answer. He’s already in his room.

You sat in the tub filled with water that is too hot for anyone else but not for you. Head all dizzy and pounding. It’s 2 am and nothing is more comforting than the silence of it all. Alcohol keeps you awake, more than coffee ever does. The dizziness, the feeling that is drilling in your head, makes it hard for you to sleep. Despite the fact that you always drink. You always drink on an empty stomach though, just so you’re sure you would pass out and not have a hard time sleeping.

But tonight you can’t say no—Yoongi made dinner and as much as you hate how you’re having a hard time now you don’t regret it. The question he said, still lingers. And you know your answer to this, you can’t.

Along with the headache, comes the memories you rarely remember—there are just some special days where somehow the guilt and regret still comes to you in waves, together with conversations you long to let go.

“You can’t be serious?” Joon said, voice cracking with hand on his hair in frustration. “But I am.” With a straight face you answered, “I can’t marry you, Joon. I don’t want to have kids and I know how much you want to have children.” Feeling the desperation in his face and actions, he held your hands close and hugged you. “I love you, I want to marry you. We don’t need to have kids immediately, that’s years away. We don’t have to even worry about that now.” It hurts you to seem him this way, yes both of you may be young—maybe you will change your mind but there’s no guarantee to it. You held onto his shoulder to see his face, tears kept rolling down his face and you keep wiping it off one by one. You’ve thought about this even just a year into the relationship, with all the dad jokes and tiny little shoes he kept in his room. He’s going to be a wonderful dad you thought—maybe not just to your kids because you don’t want one.

The most wonderful man in the world just asked you to marry him a few minutes ago, and now he’s crying on your shoulder in defeat. While you can’t even bring yourself to cry, everything about this just made you numb. You just know you’re doing the right thing. Keeping him by your side with a promise of a future you can’t guarantee is not what love is. You loved him—even much so that you could ever admit.

With the knock on the door, you went back to reality.

“Hey you in there?” His voice echoing at 2 in the morning.

“Yeah, I’ll be here still for a while. You need it?”

“No, it’s okay.” He quietly said, as you heard his footsteps getting farther away.

moodboard sr: x

[sharknadoslutt]

Not that I ever wanted to watch it because of the era it plays in, but what was so awful about Star Wars resistance?

Oh Okay this ask got me GOING so Welcome to my Tedtalk on my feelings on Star Wars Resistance; a story of Disappointment.

So Mr. Dave Filoni, the story telling Prince, left the show like halfway through production of the first season for other projects (For TCW season 7 and The Mandalorian). This left what was a promising show with characters Dave himself had created, in the hands of very inexperienced story board artist and writers. Personally, I think they panicked and half assed it so that Disney could make money on toys. Because.. idk. It just doesn't even come close to the emotional story arcs that TCW and Rebels gave us. and that's what Star Wars is supposed to be about. Changing for the better. Hope or some shit, am I right?

What was most disappointing in my opinion.. is that the protagonist, Kazudo Xiono, is UNBEARABLE. He is the EMBODIEMENT of privilege. This punk has had everything handed down to him from the moment he was born. He was born like 14 years after the Empire has been brought down and the New Republic reigns, so he has never known war. AND HIS DADDY IS THE SENATOR OF HOSNIAN PRIME FOR FUCKS SAKE! THE CAPITOL????? WHERE THE SENATE IS???? YOU KNOW HOW RICH THAT MUST MAKE HIs FaMiLY??? His dad literally gives him an allowance even though he is a grown ass man in the military when the show starts.

To put things into perspective for those not up to date on Sequel Era Lore and I envy you greatly tbh bcs not to be that person i do not like the sequels that's the equivalent of being the Senator of Coruscant in the Prequels!!!!

Not to mention he is a BUMBLING idiot. Like. This man has ADHD on steroids. As a person with ADHD it's.. lord, it's cringe. He is clumsy. He is loud. He says inappropriate things at the wrong time. He doesn't know how to do anything for himself. AND HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SPY FOR THE RESISTANCE UNDER COVER AS A MECHANIC???? HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT MECHANICS and really doesn't really learn anything about it by the time the show ends. And don't come at me saying this is a kids show so I cant complain about things being silly bcs I'm not the target audience. I can and I will bcs no one was NEARLY this obnoxious in TCW or Rebels. Kaz is Jarjar Level, but I ACTUALLY LIKE JARJAR!

DUDE IS A DAMN SPY HE DOESNT EVEN LIKE GO BY AN ALLIAS!!! HE DEADASS USES HIS REAL FULL NAME. BCS KAZ IS AN IDIOT.

I'm not saying he isn't a good person. Kaz is very sweet tbh. He's just an unknowing spoiled ass man-child who NEVER REALLY DEVELOPS INTO ANYTHING ELSE?????

It would be okay if he entered the show like this and exited a more mature, capable man. But he really doesn't. There are never any consequences for his actions. Ever. Other than when he becomes a spy and, again, IS USING HIS REAL LEGAL NAME as a spy for the Resistance... to avoid a scandal and to scold him for LITERALLY DESERTING THE NAVY his daddy cuts him off from his allowance. So instead of half assing his cover job as a mechanic, Kaz has to actually apply himself so he can make money for food. He doesn't improve much. His co-workers (Who are MUCH more interesting than him) constantly complain about him messing things up and making their jobs more difficult.

Man, FUCK KAZ. MY HOMIES HATE KAZ. BEING HOT CAN ONLY GET YOU SO FAR!!!!!

At the Season one finale there is a moment where you think he is finally going to grow as a man! Grow into the protagonist we deserve! Tragedy, for the first time in his life, strikes Kaz! It's during the events of episode 7, when The First Order blows up Hosnian Prime. His home planet. Where his FATHER LIVES. He has a moment of humanity and he is devastated. He almost cries. But he sucks it up to finish the mission and get his friends off base for their safety. He is a man now. and the audience feels a sense of comradery for Kaz. After all, Star Wars is about Fathers. Kaz has lost his father forever. His father was KILLED by the First Order. He now, first hand, has experienced real loss for the first time and this is going to help him grow and toughen up. he has to live on his own now. Our hero has a reason to be doing what he's doing. Fighting against the first order.

BUT NAH. FAM. then the very next fucking EPISODE YOU FIND OUT HIS DAD IS FUCKING ALIVE AND THAT HE DIDNT ACTUALLY EXPEIRENCE THE LOSS THAT HE HAD THOUGHT, AND HE GOES RIGHT BACK TO BEING HIS GOOFY ASS CHILDISH SELF. NO. I HATED THAT. THERE WAS NO REASON FOR GROWTH. MAN FUCK RESISTANCE.

FUCK. IF ANYONE DESERVED THEIR FATHER TO LIVE THROUGH A DAMN PLANETORY DESTRUCTION IT WAS MY GIRL LEIA, NOT FUCKING KAZUDO THE CLOWN XIONO. FUCK. guys I'm sorry I just really hate this god damn character.

Like. Lemme break it down, folks.

TCW started and Ahsoka enters. I HATED Ahsoka for a long time. Bcs she was young, cocky and annoying. But that was on purpose. Narratively, she experiences loss, she experiences pain and GROws as a character while navigating her Jedi life during the war. Our girl grows into the capable protagonist that we EXPECT out of a Star Wars story.

Same for Rebels. We meet Ezra, and he's not quite as annoying as Ahsoka was at first in my opinion (I cannot stress how much I did not care for Ahsoka yall) but he was young. He was childish. But he was more capable at 14 than fucking Kaz was at 20. By the end of Rebels, not only is he more wise and capable, but he is selfless. He has found his own path and it's only because of what he has gone through. His journey has made him stronger. Ezra is my favorite Star Wars journey, if I'm being honest. He is the perfect example of character development.

KAZUDO XIONO ENTERS SEASON ONE AS A 20 YEAR OLD MAN-CHILD USING DADDY'S MONEY WHO IS LOUD AND DOESNT KNOW WHEN THE STFU... AND EXITS THE FINALE... AS A LOUD MAN-CHILD WHO CAN NOW USE TOOLS. He doesn't' experience REAL FAMILIAL loss. He doesn't really experience a lot of character development at all. Things just happen around him, he helps, but he doesn't learn. He doesn't grow. I fucking hate that.

Literally every single character in the show BESIDEs Kaz is more interesting than him. and EXPEIRENCE CHARACTER GROWTH!!!

Jarek Yeager, Kaz's boss in the mechanic shop, was in the Rebellion and LOST HIS FAMILY. He is a sexy ass man too. HE starts the show not wanting to help the Resistance at all bcs he's experienced loss since his days in the Rebellion, and his heart is hard and he's comfortable. By the end of the show he is risking not just his career, but his VERY LIFE to help the Resistance.

Tam Ryvora, Kaz's co-worker. Daughter figure to Yeager and a total bad ass woman of color. She is the one on the show who experiences the most character development and struggles to find her identity while the First Order is taking over the galaxy. I LOVE her.

There are these 2 kids who are force sensitive and orphaned after Kylo Ren comits GENOCIDE on their planet. This arc set up is never fully addressed nor does it have a conclusion, like most story arcs on this show tbh.

There's a literal witch for some reason??

There's this fucking rad ass sexy Mirilian Pirate girl named Synara who FOR SOME REASON is suggested to be Kaz's love interest. Gross. Girl, you gay. Move in.

I could go on and on and on. But I wont. Fuck this show. Fuck Kaz. It literally adds NOTHING to the bigger Star Wars lore. TCW and Rebels do this beautifully and this show is a hot mess of ideas and characters that never come to a satisfying story telling conclusion.

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk, dont watch Resistance.

[creacherkeeper]

hi!!! I saw you mention being a rare autistic extrovert, I think I might be also???

I enjoy interacting with strangers at a low level (crowds are overwhelming) such as short conversations with random people at the grocery store. Also longer conversations about interesting topics and connections with amicable coworkers. I have an innate desire to connect with most people. I also end up making a lot of eye contact accidentally because I’m looking at faces a lot and trying to discern if I know someone. I may not read social cues or body language I’m not attuned to and I have to consciously think about lots of cues and I constantly make my partner cringe (autistic and more introverted) when I break unspoken social rules. I turn my head a lot at noises and kinda catch myself staring at people who look interesting.

i also think i try to interact a lot with people who aren’t interested in interacting with me, and maybe my enthusiasm is offputting?

I mentioned to my friend that eye contact isnt uncomfortable and they stared really intensely at me and I shuddered, so I guess I do have issues with eye contact but it’s not painful or anything? I find myself unmasking a bit and looking away from people when I talk to them and it helps me concentrate on conversation.

It gives me relief that I’m not the only autistic person who doesn’t feel all that introverted. Eye contact and desire for social connection make me feel all impostery even though I meet the criteria pretty well.

Is this similar to your experience, and have you met other extroverted autistics?

hi!! yeah it sounds like you are pretty extroverted, but also some of what you said sounds sensory seeking too? looking at noises, reading expressions, staring at people, eye contact - all of those things can be sensory as well as social, so it seems like you have an overlap there

i like spending a lot of time with people and find myself very drawn to social interactions, whether its new internet friends or coworkers or talking to people for my job (like, i currently work as a social worker who does one on one sessions with clients, the vast majority of the time i feel better after sessions than i did before them). i definitely get very tired and brain funky if i dont have a lot of interaction. i have a lot of friends and still worry that im bugging them too much because i just like talking to them constantly

i definitely get what you mean with the imposter syndrome. but its important to remember that all autistic people are different and the autism "spectrum" covers a wide variety of traits. some autistic people have no problem socially or with eye contact and thats fine! it doesnt make them less autistic! and even two autistic people who have issues with social interaction can look entirely different

im probably the most extroverted autistic i know, but i definitely know autistics who are extremely charismatic and do very well for themselves socially. over the years as ive learned more about myself and others, ive grown a LOT in this area and now find it rather easy to engage with most people, have few problems communicating, and have been told that i am charming and generally well liked. but it was a PROCESS to get here because i used to be something of a fucking mess lmao. i think the key thing was that a lot of my skills in this area were LEARNED WITH GREAT INTENTION and i think thats where the difference is between me and an NT who just has these things come naturally. and i think another thing was just learning self confidence and self acceptance, like ive found that people tend to be drawn to someone whos confident and who can laugh at themself but doesnt really mind if they come across a little weird or unusual, compared to someone whos very self conscious or anxious about how they appear to others. like not being ashamed of your little oddities can go a long way!!!

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

chloe in my adrininogami roommates au

under the cut bc its a little long (1500 words of notes about chloe in this au)

ADRININOGAMI ROOMATES AU RECAP: its not really an au its just a timejump, Adrien Nino and Kagami are all like 18-19 and roommates, hawkmoth is still out there and lb and cn still dont know each others’ identities, Nino and Kagami know each others’ secret identities but don’t know Adrien’s and he doesn’t know theirs, Nino is at university while Adrien and Kagami are just taking a gap year and working minimum wage jobs and honestly they are all thriving and bffs

Chloe is a music major

At the same university as Nino

i have very little knowledge of the universities of Paris so this is going to be partially based on the American system, im sorry but youre going to have to suspend your disbelief real quick

so the university has a rule where first year students have to live on campus in the dorms

Nino escaped this rule because he is a goshdarn music nerd and quest for knowlege cannot be stopped

There wasn’t even an AP Music Theory class at his high school when he started there but he was like “whats up guys i have self-confidence now and i think it would be pretty nifty if we had this class” and then talked to teachers and convinced a bunch of his friends to sign up for it so now its a class

And thats the only AP Music class and he still wanted to learn,,, so he just,,, started taking online college courses,,, in music theory,,, for fun,,,, the absolute nerd <3

he will ramble excitedly about music history to anyone who will listen and you cant even be upset bc he is so energetic about this

All of this is to say that, by the time he graduated high school, he had already completed a bunch of college classes, so he got to enter university as a sophomore, which is how he is living off campus with adrien and kagami

Chloe, however, is a freshman, so shes gotta live on campus in the freshman dorms and have a roommate

her roommate, by the way, is Juleka

Chloe has calmed down significantly by this time and sucks a lot less. She and Juleka are not friends by any account, but basically, when they were signing up for roommates, they were both like “whelp this is better than rooming with a total stranger, i wont talk to you or bother you if you dont talk to me”

chloe and juleka have not actually spoken to each other since school started,, they pretty much stay out of the dorm room unless they are sleeping and then they stay on their side of the room and do not make eye contact and dont touch each others stuff

and chloe is totally fine with this

just kidding, hahaha, she is sad and lonely and wants to make friends but is terrible at it,,, her models for friendship include Adrien who she knows she messed up with completely and the best thing she can do now for their relationship is avoid him so she doesnt mess it up more,, and Sabrina, who is also refusing to speak to her now and basically taught chloe that the way to do friendship is to like? do their homework or something??

(juleka is vibing and living her best life btw, shes just also an introvert and only goes to the dorm when she is tired and needs to refresh and also chloe is the one acting like they shouldnt talk)

SO,,, chloe is a music major bc she thinks its pretty nifty and fun and also because she is trying to avoid anything to do with her parents,,, she has reached the point where like “be a dissapointment to my parents” is like,, her life goal,,, which is kinda a “good for her” situation and kinda a “holy heck plz get her some therapy situation”

wow we’ve got a bunch of backstory but we are finally to the point of this post

Chloe has several classes with Nino and she keeps accidentally flocking to him because she already knows him from high school and he has such good vibes

Nino is kind of just trying to avoid her,, he doesnt HATE her,, but,, it is chloe,, yknow

but then they get paired up for a group project and the group meets at nino’s apartment, and adrien is not in the building whenever chloe is there, on purpose,, they will be friends again eventually but their friendship is taking a little bit of a break and adrien is still learning how to have boundaries so he’s just doing what’s best for his mental health

chloe is totally fine with this and doesnt miss him at all

just kidding she is lying

BUT

you know who IS just chilling in the apartment while chloe is there

kagami

who is now like 19 and having some actual self confidence and happiness and who is chilling in her apartment with nino, one of her best friends

and chloe gets through the first group meetup at nino’s house and doesn’t spent any time just staring at kagami who’s chilling reading books in the corner (yes she does)

chloe is actually trying her hardest to be nice to the group members and make friends and prove that she can be a good person and a hard worker but she has very little social skills or work ethics skills and is having complicated emotions about adrien and hasnt even realized it yet but she is falling HARD for kagami,

all that is to say that chloe is a little bit distracted from the group project

but anyway they meet up again and this time chloe has done a ton of research and prep beforehand bc she doesnt want 2 be caught offguard made to look like a fool again and everyone is like what the heck, since when does she study things?

and anyway the project goes pretty great

but then

chloe has a goshdarn crying breakdown

because she is experiencing too many emotions all at once

the combination of just,,, university coursework is stressful and living without servants for the very first time in her life and parental issues and not having friends and also literally everything is just aaaa

so she starts crying in her dorm while doing homework while juleka is there but she literally forgets that juleka is there bc juleka is kind of a cryptid

and juleka just kinda stares at her for a minute and then is like “u good”

and chloe tries to pretend shes not startled and is like “haha yeah its fine”

and juleka is like “have u considered getting a tutor”

and chloe, who is stupid, is like “hmm i should ask nino to tutor me but only at his place and only when kagami is home and i should make sure that i look super cute and i need to study beforehand so that i look cool and smart in front of kagami,, i mean,, for no reason at all i just think this is a good idea”

she talks to nino and nino is like “ok i guess i can help tutor you but u have to actually make an effort and also stick to a schedule so youre not there when adriens there bc we are respecting his boundaries and also you need to-”

and chloe is like “great perfect done”

and then she actually does everything nino says

so basically

she ends up passing all of her classes and making friends

literally just because she is too stupid to actually try to talk to kagami

they literally do not have any conversations other than like “hey, whats up?” “nothing much lol” for like,,, an entire year

also chloe does not admit to herself that she has a crush on kagami for that entire time either

meanwhile adrien and nino and kagami are all a little confused bc chloe keeps flirting at nino??? and adrien is like “im pretty sure she likes girls but idk???” and nino keeps being like “hey chloe what’s up, i just got back from hanging out with my amazing girlfriend alya who i am very in love with,, and who is my girlfriend,, who i am dating”

and chloe has literally no idea why he is doing this but continues to flirt at him and subconciously hope that kagami will catch some of her flirting vibes and falls in love with her

so basically

they are all stupid

BUT Chloe and Nino do become actual friends and chloe actually respects him for the amazing wonderful smart talented kind person that he is and he helps her make some new friends and they get to the point where they are a super great study group and she’ll listen to all his homework assignments and proofread some of them when its like finals cramming time and they are supporting each other and their friendship is good

[edamamechips]

Idk if this is your thing, so feel free to ignore, but I must ask: if you had full creative control of the show, how would you run season 5? You can pick and choose whatever leaks you want to include.

Hi love! you are right and this is definitely not my thing but i would do anything for you! (not in a creepy way. i just really like you and am in awe of whatever you do) Thanks for sending this in <3 i am sorry if this is late, i kind of had to get over the initial shock of receiving one of these. Enough with the self loathing, moving on

For the resolution of whatever happened in 4x17, 4x18, i am going to go with the brilliant theory that @sullypants came up with because it ties up a lot of loose ends very well and gives us a cleaner canvas to work with post time jump.

However, i would like the time jump plot device and also to see the core four take different paths because that would help them grow and mature(yes i know they can grow together but i am not eloquent enough to explain why they need to go different directions kay? They just do.) for that to happen, the fact that charles has been hypnotizing betty comes into light post time jump after the whole fallout.

So post seven year time jump,

Jughead: i think there are two ways in which the fandom interprets jughead (one is the southside serpents jughead, the serpent king one, who lives in the moment and is more about the collective belonging thing and the other is s1/prep school jughead who is more ambition driven and less about fitting in). Subjectively speaking, i think jughead would go on to pay his full attention to finishing his novel after his breakup with betty as he is overcome with self doubt and long distance (very Dan Humphrey in s6 but def not as vindictive). The novel helps him sort out his emotions and is his attempt to move on from his “old life”.(his book is titled closure) He tries to find love and after a few failed attempts he meets jessica who is the complete opposite of betty. But jughead finds himself comparing her with betty almost constantly and old feelings resurface. *dun dun dun* also definitely defenestrating the alcoholic plotline until and unless we consider charles long distance hypnotizing jughead??

Betty: betty tries to sort out her feelings for archie and doesn’t wholly understand what made her kiss him. It's almost as if she blacked out(eyes emoji). Hence, bland musty flour barchie doesn't happen. betty excels academically and gets recruited by the FBI. she also returns home every thanksgiving (not christmas because she likes staying cooped up alone and eating chinese, don't ask me why. I am projecting) and everytime she returns, she hopes she’ll get to see jughead but she never really does. However betty makes amends with veronica after a lot of discussions and promises and one very emotional sleepover later. Betty is probably dating a fellow fed (who she meets while sneaking into the file cabinet to work on one of the “unsolved” cases and gets caught by him).

Veronica: veronica and archie breakup after prom and she heads out for college the next day to her ivy league college and excels at it. veronica is DEFINITELY not married. She has her own very successful business and is pretty stable and happy being single and having a few flings with some men (and women). She probably returns to riverdale on the occasion of thanksgiving when she stumbles across very successful business man Reggie and they bond over whatever people who run businesses bond over.

Archie: archie too doesnt understand what made him kiss betty but meets a therapist at pops who explains it was his PTSD etc etc. archie joins the army on accident instead of the naval academy. (again, idk why) and is “best friends” with another fellow veteran who saved him from getting shot during [insert something that army does and involves shooting]. They return home together for thanksgiving to surprise mary and her wife but discover that they are away. So archie asks his “friend” to live with him for the weekend. (WINK WINK) BI ARCHIE ENTER.

As for cheryl and toni, i think they will breakup when toni realises that she can do much better than cheryl and not get gaslighted by her girlfriend. Social worker Toni moves in with married kevin/fangs and agrees to be the surrogate for their baby. Cheer coach Cheryl (side gig tarot reader) has a fling with tabitha and learns the meaning of “no”

and for the mystery plot, they are all back home for thanksgiving when betty finds charles’ old FBI files while cleaning out and figures out the whole (charles-hypnotised-betty-and-messed-with-her-childhood-memories) and discovers that yoga instructor alice has not seen polly or her twins. Betty and jughead try to track down charles together(!) and gratuitous amounts of pining ensue (lots of lingering eye contact across pops, jealous milkshake sipping and oops! we touched and oops i fell on ur lips and now i can’t get back up). we discover that jughead’s girlfriend broke up with him before he came to riverdale and also betty’s fed boyfriend is actually her fed bestfriend and betty was a beard(everyone is gay here except bughead kay?) and wham! they do the devil’s tango because patience is for suckers.

Anyways, we learn charles has hypnotized the twins somehow and drives a haunted truck thing called the mothman because of it’s red headlights and someone finds polly’s body in the middle of the road but in a twist of plot that surprises no one that polly isn’t actually dead but is hiding out in the fuckbunker where bughead (obviously) find her. And the core four get involved somehow and they take down charles and maybe gets beaten down by jughead “knuckle brass” jones which are actually betty’s knuckle brasses. 

That’s about it. Short and sweet.

[horansqueen]

Vote For My Next Story

I'll try to keep this short. YOU&ME has ended, and it was a big part of the last few years of my life (along with AM Conversations). It'll probably always be my favorite and best story but that doesnt mean i want to stop writing.

please, know that the oneshots ideas are independent from the story ideas, meaning that i can write a story AND oneshots at the same time so let me know if youre interested!

(click on the read more to read the 10 synopsis of the story ideas I’d like to write)

AM Conversations & YOU&ME ideas:

-oneshots ideas for what happened after the story, before the story, or even in-between chapters in the story. you can send me ANY idea that you would want to read between Liv and Niall or other characters.

-oneshots ideas for any "what if" you can think of (i.e. what if one of them didnt love the other, what if they hadnt seen each other at the bakery, what if Liv had dated Louis, etc)

NEW STORY IDEAS:

NOTES: 

all the ideas are AU. 

 #2 #8 and #9 will include a few of the 1D boys. 

despite the title, #4 is a Niall fic

titles may change

                                   VOTE HERE!!!!

you can also vote by messaging me.

in the form, theres a place for comments but you dont have to leave any

you also dont have to leave your name or anything

thank you if you vote, it means a lot to me!

ill keep this open for a while, until i get enough votes :)

1- UNPREDICTABLE

They haven't seen each other since high school and they hadn't missed each other at all. In fact, they never really could stand each other. Her, a bit of a rebel, listening to punk music, searching for trouble whenever she could... and him, the good boy, popular and loved by everyone, who could rarely be seen without his guitar. It's been a few years already but not many things had changed and they still didn't have anything in common... except one thing. Both of them aspired to become famous with their music. With a twist of fate, they end up in each other's lives again and if they can put aside their resentment for one another, maybe they could bring something incredibly precious to each other. But nothing has ever been uncertain.

This is the story of two opposite persons who share a burning passion that may slowly bring them closer... or make the hatred they already feel for each other even more intense.

2- D.N.A. (daddies now available)

The test was positive. I was pregnant. The problem was, I didn’t know who the father was. It could be my ex boyfriend Liam, his best friend Niall or my best friend Louis. Or maybe it could be that boy I randomly had sex with, Harry... I had no idea and I was not going to find out soon.¸

All I knew was I had to tell four boys that there was a possibility for them to be a daddy in less than a year. Can you just imagine their reaction?

Contrary to all expectations, they accepted their fates.. somehow. And no matter who his daddy was, “little human” was going to get a lot of attention from a lot of men. Exactly like me.

This is my pregnancy story. And it was just the beginning of a long journey.

3- MEANT TO BE

When they first met, Louis was all *MAIN GIRL* ever wanted. However, a decade later the high school sweethearts had change and she felt like most of the sparkles she once had were now gone. Then she met Niall and it clicked instantly and intensely and since then, they’ve been seeing each other in secret, lying to their whole entourage about the nature of their relationship. Feelings started to grow, things started to change, and maybe, just maybe, it’s meant to be. Or maybe not.

A tale of broken hearts, unforgettable love and many… way too many lies.

4- LIVING WITH LOUIS TOMLINSON

Call me Queen Catastrophe. I lost my job, my boyfriend, my best girl friend and my apartment on the same day. Just a little friday afternoon like all the others, right?

Thank god, my best friend Louis was there to save the day. Nothing unusual. I was supposed to crash at his apartment for one night and then walk on my pride and go back to my parents to admit how much of a failure I really am.

However, Louis had other plans : he wanted me to move in with him. That’s when my story really starts. Mutual feelings, drunken sex, grocery shopping, fights that end up with porcelain thrown around the kitchen (I’m an intense person, I know) but most of all, his best guy friend stealing his (our, now) couch at least 5 nights a week.

I despise Niall Horan with all my heart. Him and his stupid charm, his flirty smile and his hands that always ended up in places they shouldn’t. He was threatening to come between Louis and I. He was slowly taking more space in our apartment… and in my heart.

Fuck, I hate Niall Horan with a passion.

5- FOR YOUR LOVE

After months of trying to get pregnant, Niall and his long-time girlfriend found out she was sterile. The news obviously shook their relationship and sparked a few arguments but after a long discussion, they found only one solution : hire a surrogate mother. As days go by, Niall's relationship gets harder and harder to save, and his connection with the surrogate mother of his child becomes tighter. Soon, he gets caught in feelings he can't explain and definitely can't understand. But life is not as easy as just following your feelings.

A story of unsettling feelings, confusing relationships, a deep and strong connection but mostly, decisions impossible to make. Can this really end well?

6- DATING FOR DUMMIES

*MAIN GIRL* has tried blind dates, dating apps, and speed dating to find her soulmate with no good result. Niall has tried pretty much the same without much more success. With all the bizarre, creepy and incompatible persons they meet, they're so close to give up on love until they meet each other through a friend. After a bottle of wine and a long discussion, they start thinking that maybe they were the problem, and that they're too dumb for dating. That's when they decide to make a list of what they individually want and need on a first date and finally decide to try it together. Unfortunately, things rarely go as planned and they will both realize that feelings can't be controlled.

When all else fails, the solution will always be to follow your heart.

7- THE BREAK-UP PLAN

*MAIN GIRL* and Niall's relationship had started when they had barely entered their teenager years. Now, over 10 years later, they feel like something is missing. They didn't know anything else besides each other and it had to change. They still planned on spending forever together but their lack of experiences and mistakes seemed to be an obstacle between them.

They agreed on  break that was not really a break. for six whole months, they would be able to do whatever they wanted to do with whoever they wanted to. Going to parties, leaving for a whole weekend with friends without giving any news, dating and even screwing whoever they wanted, nothing was out of reach.

They only had one rule : honesty. Every friday night, they'd meet and spend the whole night together, talking, making out or just cuddling until they'd fall asleep, to make sure their love was preserved.

Unfortunately, things rarely go as planned and seeing the person you love the most in the world be happy without you is something almost impossible to accept.

A story about angry tears, painful jealousy, sweet sweet revenge and realizing who your real soulmate is. Watch out, it's gonna hurt.

8- HOT MESS

*MAIN GIRL* has always been a bit of a rebel who didn't really care about much. She just enjoyed life the way she wanted to and never really paid attention to anything else. If she wanted something, she did everything she could to get it, no matter who she'd hurt in the process. After a few years away from her hometown, family and friends, she finally comes back to realize that a lot of things have changed. Jumping in her twin brother Liam's life without being invited, she's about to make a mess of everything he had made so much effort to build by flirting with every single one of his friends without any shame. She's not looking for a relationship, she's just looking to have some fun and break a few hearts... but perhaps, she's about to make a mess of her own heart.

Sometimes, you play the game and some other very rare times, the game plays you.

9- 15 Complicated Rules

I have no idea how I got into this mess but somehow, I ended up with 4 different fuck buddies. I thought I was going crazy until I made a strict schedule of the days and time I would see them, and wrote down a few rules I had to respect myself. A useful guide to manege my 4 fuck friends. Monday for my ex boyfriend, tuesday for my co-worker, wednesday for my old best friend and thursday for a family friend. It could work, right?

I've never been much of an organised person but I honestly thought I could make this work. Everything went as planned for a few months until I broke one rule after the other. That's when I knew I was in deep shit. These are my 15 complicated rules to have fuck buddies. And this is the story of my downfall and the incredible mess I put myself into. After all, rule 15 was 'Never Fall In Love' and I guess that's something I couldn't control, even if I wanted to.

10- DISCONNECTED

When *MAIN GIRL* switches college to finally follow her dreams, she was ready to face anything and everything that would come her way. After all, she had been through so much already, right? The problem was, she didn't expect to be stuck in a room with someone who gets on her last nerves because of a paperwork mistake. Despite trying to find an other place to live or spend her time talking to the administration, she had to face the fact that this situation wouldn't change for a few months. Niall knew how to piss her off and he clearly abused that superpower, doing anything and everything he can to annoy the most pretentious and stuck-up person he had ever met. Perhaps fate is having a good laugh, because they seem to get stuck together way more often than not, but it's not until they let down their defense that they will see who the other really is... if that ever happens.

Apparently, some people are in your life to teach you something and make you grow. Perhaps, if you take the time to listen to them and open up to them, your karmic soulmate can turn into your twin flame... or not.

11- NEW ANGEL

When *MAIN GIRL 1* breaks up with Niall, he takes it harder than he thought he would, realizing in the process all the feelings he had for her. After a few weeks locked by himself in his room, his friends take him out on a crazy night and he decides he needs someone else, if only to get over the girl he loves. That’s when he meets *MAIN GIRL 2* and bring her back home.  However, on the next morning, he realizes he doesn't want her to leave, and that despite the feelings he has for *main girl 1*, he could definitely develop something with *main girl 2*. Everything is going amazingly well for a few weeks until what Niall never thought would happen actually happens : *main girl 1* calls him to tell him she regrets leaving him. Now confused and stressed, Niall is going to have to make a choice between the girl he thought he'd spend his life with, and a girl he just met that makes his heart race. And he's going to get help on his journey from someone he would never have thought of.

A story about making choices, creating connections, messy hearts and confusing emotions.

(i have many ideas for this one but i dont want to give everything away!)

[alyfawx]

I cant keep doing this...

I cant keep up with evrything expected of me...

i lose sleep..

im in pain all the time...

I keep pushing but i feel like...

utter shit...

I hate my job but i need money...

I Dont get paid enough to pay bills and get things that i like...

I am told in different ways that im not good enough or im not doing enough...

I cant find to much happiness doing the things I love...like writing...or eating stuff I love and crave...

im worried everyday about my health but i domt have the motivation to donwhats needed to keep it leveled...

im at war just toget my insurance but they keep saying my account is still open in fucking NY and its been years of flinging to my social worker trying to figure it out and cancel it and they say they will give me the papers I need to donit but never does and because of that my mental health is getting worse and worse because its not getting treated and i try to treat my own self with research and stuff but there is so much i can do...and I considered just...going to a mental psychiatric clinic but then I cant afford that because my damn NY account in insurance keeps saying its open but me an my mom tried to get it fix and it just will not fucking close 4 years of trying this 4 fucking years and im suffering inturnally...i contemplate running away from going to work but i cant...because work equals money...i feel like a burden to my family but have no clue what else I can give to them...when im fucked up...i cant take more hours because I feel like if I did I will be lutting more stress to my body that will probably make things worse....i hate asking for help because its looked down uponed...or I feel like my problems are solo fucking little compare to others who work there god damn butts off and im here complaining I cant do a 4 hour shift for like 4 days back to back without wanting to fucking blow my brains out because everything hurts...and on top of that I seriously cant deal with the stress my mind is on when im there..."im not good enough or fast enough or im socially awkward and weird and people will look at me like i'm not trying hard enough" and that makes work for me a living fucking HELL...because everyday I wish I see people doing things more efficient then me...but if im going any more then i am doing...im stressed and anxious and like not comfortable... and i just try to keep those thoughts down...but there is a point where I just cant even bother because my mind is so hard to shut off...once it gets going...i Don t know what to do anymore...im starting to feel like...hopeless...helpless because theres so much expactations on me...brcausr no one ilunderstands...no one wants too...and when they try they just say you just got to do it...its life...it I get compared to better off people mentally...stonger people...thats even with there struggles they can do it...im not one of those people and i dont think I'll ever be in my current situation...and honestly...u dont know what else I can do anymore...and its to the point where trying anything more then what I feel I capable of...ill push myself too much and I'll snap...and do something stupid just to get out of it...but I fight that thought...everyday...because of these expactations and people who love me...and I try to convince myself it will get better but im exhausted...this fight is draining me...and I want everything to change already...its want a fucking merical...something to get me out of this rut im in...because I juat cant do this anymore...im fighting and im still not giving up but im afraid that...oneday I wont be me anymore and that protection of fighting will break and then...it will be to late...

I will try with every fiber of my being to keep that fight...and fight...but theres just so much you can take when your in this low rut...that comes up and down and up and down...and up and down like a figging roller coaster...and sometimes its just...unable to keep those ups for very long...and I lie to myself to keep fighting...but im to the point where...i just...cant keep doing that....an I need help...and thats gonna worry people...and I try to keep this to myself...and even now after writing this im regretting this...but this is needed to come out...i am not okay...im not normal...im dying inside everyday...this is serious...please help me...and I know...thats hard to hear for some people...and you guys just probably want the Ally before she went through trauma...and you just want to think lightly of me...and that im fine and content...and I want her back too...i try to keep her...but theres times I just cant and shes so far away ...and I wont be ending my life...but...im just...not okay...and idk what to tell anyone...cuz I have no clue how to fix it on my own...its hard to keep up this mask...that I hide...but the mask is crumbling...i cant keep it together for much longer...

I wish I was okay...but im not...and I really dont know what else I can do anymore...

I try to keep a content mindset...but...unfortonatly I really can't...i hope I get out of it...i want to be okay...but im not okay...and I domt want it to get it to thr point where I cant recover...so please if you can help me in anyway...please...do....its a mess up here...and by tomorrow im sure...ill act like im okay and the way i am is fine because I don't every time...don't listen to me...i need all the help and support and love and understanding I can get...but dont freak out because when you freak out im freaking out and that stresses me out more....just approach me with a calm state of mind...and try your best to help me...and forgive me if it doesnt sink in to me quickly...i need patiants and lots of it...not frustration...not being told im not. trying hard enough because that will make me feel resentful and that isnt good for anything... not for me and not for the help...so please if anyone can help me out...its appreciated...

[minnesotanaccent]

hey everyone read totally serious star trek script about the enterprise encountering pop up ads. warning for lots of spelling errors, and me being bad at writing in general, and me not learning anything in my screenwriting class and formatting it wrong, and just bad science overall. ok now that we got that out of the way.....

Star Trek season 4 episode 1: the antivirus

INT. BRIDGE

KIRK is sitting in his captains chair, SULU and CHEKOV are manning the helm, UHURA chats with SPOCK in the background. various extras are busying themselves with the other stations.

SULU

captain, we’ve arrived at the planet

KIRK

put it onscreen, mr sulu

the screen flicks from a generic view of space to an all black screen, sulu continues hitting buttons while kirk and chekov look on confused. spock notices this and walks over the the captains chair. the screen flicks on again with a huge image of a nude human woman wearing obviously fake vulcan ears and a nude orion woman, they are posing seductively, the text reads "HORNY ALIEN GIRLS ARE IN YOUR QUADRANT! HAILING FREQUENCY 69 FOR ALIEN SEX NOW"

KIRK

mr sulu get this debauchery off my bridge!

SULU

im trying, sir, but the message wont go away!

KIRK

mr spock can you explain this?

SPOCK

it appears to be some type of advertisement. in ancient earth culture these were called "pop-up ads". they usually mean the computer is infected with a virus.

KIRK

a virus?.... 

sulu, keep working on that screen. uhura, block all hailing frequencies from that number i dont want them getting any information. 

kirk presses the call button on his chair, he reaches SCOTTY.

KIRK

mr scott, there is a serious problem with the ship.

SCOTTY

aye, captain im aware of that. i cant get her under control no matter what i try. its like all systems are being blocked by something!

KIRK

they are scotty, have you heard of a pop up ad? im going to need you to do everything you can to get the ships warp drive back up, maybe if we turn around and go out of its range it will go away.

SCOTTY

ill try my best captain. scott out.

the call disconnects ands kirk looks around clearly not knowing what to do next

UHURA

captain, i tried blocking them, but their requests keep comnig, they want to speak with you captain.

KIRK

fine, open hailing frequency, lieutenant.

UHURA

aye aye sir, hailing frequency open

the visual on screen doesnt go away but kirk can now hear a VOICE. 

VOICE

your computer is infected! 26 viruses found! download free computer cleaner now! your computer is infected! 26 viruses found! dow-

KIRK (voice continuing to repeat the message over him)

who are and what have you done with my ship? are you listening to me? im captain james t kirk of the uss enterprise, i order you to cease holding my ship!

the voice continues. kirk turns around to uhura

KIRK

close hailing frequency

INT. SICK BAY

MCCOY sits at his desk, looking at the computer screen. he seems very frustrated. there is a sleeping man on one of the cots near him

CHRISTINE CHAPEL enters, the does a double take and comes over to dr mccoy.

CHAPEL

doctor are you alright?

MCCOY

not really. take a look at this. (he ushers chapel to lean over and view the screen)

that crewman over there seems to be allergic to the dust on the supplies we just picked up from the starbase on that distant planet. not many people have this allergy, so i went to the computer to get the ingredients for the hypo, and no matter what i search i get the same thing

christine leans closer and reads the computers contents out loud

CHAPEL

doctors hate him.... 60 year old man looks 25... just follow this one simple trick....

doctor mccoy i dont understand?

MCCOY

neither do i..... and i cant get it to go away, and asking for more information just leads the comupter to reboot. ive tried everything. if i cant get this man his hypo in 24 hours he will die of anaphylactic shock!

CHAPEL

you should contact the captain right away!

MCCOY

i tried but it seems like communications are jammed.....

mccoy and chapel look at each other with great concern.

INT. BRIDGE

kirk and the others continue to fiddle with the tech on the bridge. the vulgar image still stands on screen, but the explicit parts are covered by fabric. kirk walks over to the science station where he encounters mr spock

KIRK

spock, how is your research coming?

SPOCK

captain the cause of the ships malfucntions is still uncertain, but i beleive i am getting closer to discovering a solution... the planet below is broadcasting a very old type of signal.. a wireless fidelity, or wifi, signal, that connects to the ship and is able to recieve thier images and sounds, and transmit thier control over the ship.

KIRK

wifi?..... ah yes... the way that humans accessed their computers in the 21st century..... but hoe can the enterprise recieve signals that have been obsolete for 200 years?

SPOCK

i dont know, captain. but i do know that the best way humans had to delete these 'viruses' was to do a series of restarts and filinf. first we must find a way to clear our memory banks from just before this happened, to now. then we must initiate a full restart on all affected systems. last;y we must leave as quickly as possible to avoid getting infected again.

KIRK

i must admit this is all very strange. but we must do it

kirk walks over and sits in his chair. he calls scotty

SCOTTY

captain im sorry i dont have anything fixed just yet-

KIRK

scotty, dont worry about that. i need you and your men to be ready for a full engineering restart on my orders, stand by

SCOTTY

standing by sir.

KIRK

spock, take ensign chekov and go down to the main memory core of the computer and start manually deleting all files of the last 4 hours.

SPOCK

yes captain.

spock and chekov go to the turbolift and head down to the main computer core and immediatley split up and starts looking through the walls of lights and panels

back in the bridge, kirk calls spock on his chair phone

KIRK

spock, have you done it? is everything deleted? spock? chekov? whos there?

CHEKOV, voice is very glitched and scratchy but we still understand it

sir we cant hear you very well.... we unplugged the main....... we think..... worked..... ready to reboot.... on your command..

KIRK

good. ensign chekov stand by

kirk switches to scotty

KIRK

mr scott, full engineering restart!

SCOTTY

on it, captain!

a light appears on kirks control panel, he quickly switches to medical

KIRK

bones are you aware of whats happening? theres no time to explain but i need you to initiate a full medical reboot.

MCCOY

jim- a full medical reboot? i have a man here on total life support if i do that he will die!

KIRK

.... isnt there any way to keep him safe for the minute the power is off?

MCCOY

well, im a doctor not a miracle worker! i suppose i can try to have nurse chapel do emergency cpr on him, while we use some generic anti inflammitory hypos to keep his throat from closing up due to the allergies....

KIRK

whatever you have to do, do it fast. i need you to restart the whole medical computer and mechanical systems. 

MCCOY

alright...

we see kirk fidget with his hands and look around as everyone is busy trying to fix something. he jumps when he hears sound from the call again

MCCOY

ok jim, its done, the power is restarted.

kirk calls back chekov and spock

KIRK

now! spock! chekov! plug it back it in!

KIRK

and you, mr scott. we need warp 8 NOW.

SCOTTY

ill giver her everything ive got, sir!

KIRK

sulu quickly, a course out of this system at warp 8 for as long as we can hold it.

SULU

on it sir!

EXT. SPACE

the enterprise turns around and quickly warps out of there. we switch to a new part of space and see the enterprise leave warp speed. 

INT. BRIDGE

all images and sounds are gone, the screen shows only normal space and the communication inside the ship is no longer messed up.everyone breathes a sigh of releif, kirk and uhura smile at each other and sulu spins around and smiles at the engineering team of extras on the bridge.

INT. SICKBAY

dr mccoy is injecting a hypo into the man, he looks very relieved. nurse chapel stands by the mans cot and takes notes on a PADD.

EXT. SPACE

we see the enterprise flying around

END CREDITS

[anotherbeingsworld]

My Favorite Pairing

Dr. Bryce Lahela x F!MC (Dr. Alessia Lyxienne) 

(The moodboard was my aesthetic for Bryce and Alessia’s relationship! I hope you all liked it! 💖😊 ALSO, I APOLOGIZE FOR THE REPETITIVE PICS FOR THE QUOTE. I DIDNT REALIZE IT UNTIL ITS TOO LATE 😅)

Thank you for the tag @bitchloveskcbaseball​ and @mvalentine​ ! I had fun knowing your fav pairing! I hope all of you enjoyed the long description for their relationship. ❤❤ 

P.S: A few of the points were taken from the book itself, and some of them were my imagines for them! Some of them had appeared on my fics and, a few of them was just... something to have fun with! 

Book: Open Heart 

Pairing: Dr. Bryce Lahela x Dr. Alessia Lyxienne (I used a different name in my playthrough, but her personality is based on Casey from my fics! And, its just... the same person but a different name!)

Relationship status: Not official yet! They are still casual eventhough they are somehow official on how they act with each other. They are indeed in love with each other.  (PB, WE NEED TO BE OFFICIAL SOON WITH OUR LI’S!)

Song(s): I Like Me Better (Lauv) // Delicate (Taylor Swift) // More Than Words (Extreme) 

Ideal date: They don’t have dates often since their schedule would be tight by working in a hospital! But, they would have unexpected dates either at 4 in the morning or 8 at night. Bryce would always encourage Alessia to live in the moment! Their dates can go from a rooftop date, a movie night date and sometimes.. just talking to each other whilst enjoying each other’s company in the doctor’s lounge would count as a date! Sometimes, they would just go to any concert venue that Bryce had found out from a friend or co-worker. 

A show they watch together: Alessia enjoys watching sitcoms! Sometimes, they would just have their day-off binge watch Brooklyn 99 or FRIENDS, any sitcom that could ease her mind after a long day! . (which I am obsessed now lol) Sometimes, they would do a Disney marathon with Keiki as Alessia would share a piece of her childhood with both Bryce and Keiki! 

Their favorite meal to share: Alessia is definitely a Joey! (Joey doesnt share food lol) especially during the time of the month where she would eat a whole tub of ice-cream on her own! But, Bryce would definitely share his food with her. Sometimes, when Alessia is being nice... she would definitely share, but... in the end... She is Joey Tribbani. 

Favorite thing about each other :  

Physically: 

1) Alessia’s top favorite would be his bods and abs! (I mean who doesnt lol) Above all that, Alessia love his eyes. Everytime he holds her gaze, she would definitely melt! Besides, his hair! Something about his hair make her smile, its messy and unique its own way. Finally, she loves his magic hands (DUHHHH) !!! Those arms when they were hugging made her feel at home and she really enjoys all the hugs he give! 

2) Bryce’s favorite thing about Alessia would be her smile. He would try his very best to make her smile, and its just lights him up! Besides, he really loves her hair! He would playfully ruffled it sometimes making her mad, but... she really didnt mind! To put it short, everything about her is beautiful in his eyes. Every time she would be insecure about herself, he would be the one to show her that she is amazing, just the way she it. 

Personality: 

1) Alessia adores Bryce’s confidence! She sometimes would get jealous at his confidence since she is far from it. Alessia adores his flirty banter that made her laugh everytime, as he would flirt at her every chance he gets! But, above all... Alessia adores seeing his vulnerable sight! They would have late night talks and, she loved seeing his walls come down as she saw the real him. Like, the moment Bryce revealed his past to her. She somehow, felt more in love towards that persona of him. 

2) Bryce adores her empathy towards her patients. Especially in the Mr.s Martinez case, where she wanted nothing but to make her dreams come true. At that moment, he had fallen deep. He knew she was an amazing doctor, but... seeing her being selfless towards her patients made his heart soft. Also, his heart went aww everytime Alessia and Keiki are bonding. The way she cares for Keiki made him happy, as she loved her like a sister she never had. 

Who …

made the first move: Definitely Alessia! She took the chance in the supply closet at him and the rest is history. *winks*

cooks better: Neither of them! Alessia knows a few basic recipes and that’s all. They would either order take-out or do a cooking marathon with Keiki whilst watching the Food Network! (And they would make a huge mess afterwards)

dances better: Bryce Lahela all the way! I would imagined Bryce being trained when he was young since he is from a well known family before he rebelled against his parents! Bryce would often lead the way as they danced with each other at the bar or even, just... dancing in his living room to live into the cliche fantasies that Alessia enjoys! 

wakes up first: Both! Since their doctors, they would be waking up as early as 4 AM! Sometimes, they would survived an all nighter together. 

is funnier: Bryce Lahela! Alessia tries to be the jokester, but... she would failed miserably. One day, she attempted on a joke and.. nobody laughed. She never jokes about anything after that unfaithful day. 

is more organized: Alessia! She has been an organize persona. She could be a messy person depends on her mood. Sometimes, she would have a clean room, but.. when she is in during her mood swings; it would be a mess. Bryce is a bit of both (50:50) He can be organized at times since sometimes he dont have much time to do all the tidying! But, with Keiki around.. the house tends to get more organized as she would fill her time by doing some organizing at his apartment.

has a better taste in music: Bryce would have a good taste in music since he would often explore what’s new! (He love to take Alessia on random concerts as and just... live in the moment.) Alessia’s taste is a bit old school in Bryce’s opinion since she loved all the classics from the 80s that was influenced by Alessia’s family. Bryce would sighed everytime she played her playlist but deep down he enjoys it and have been caught humming through a few of her favs! 

is more romantic: Alessia! She is a hopeless romantic at heart, and sometimes.. she would imagine herself dancing in the rain with Bryce! She would practice in front of the mirror to ask him, and.. she ended up stuttering as she invites Bryce to dance on their way to Donahue’s! He laughed at the suggestion, and they would dance on the sidewalk as Alessia imagined in the movies! (It is their own secret *wink*) Bryce has its romantic side, as he knows how to make her flushed instantly! But, if they had a contest.. Alessia would win in this game named Love. 

is more likely to scream at the sight of a spider: 100% Alessia! She has this fear of everything bugs related. Bryce would mock her about it and he loves teasing her about it. 

cries more at movies: Definitely Alessia! She is a sensitive bean at heart, she cries at anything. She once cried watching a Disney movie and Bryce would comfort her at times. Bryce didn’t cry while watching since he is not ‘weak’ but... he has it moments because Alessia once caught him wiping tears away whilst watching Toy Story 3 although, he would never admit it.

is more likely to steal all the covers at night: Both of them! Mostly, Alessia since she would always fall asleep in a cocoon and without it, it would feel incomplete! Sometimes, Bryce would hog the blanket as a way to make her curled up around him. And, most of the times... the covers would be gone from the bed since they had a war on who can take it! (The end result is, neither of them lol) 

the first to fall in love: DR. ALESSIA LYXIENNE. Her hopeless romantic persona makes her fall for him, when their first encounter at the supply closet! She realizes she is in love with him, when everything good about life ; he would be the first one to know! Despite, their early moves (hooking up and etc ) towards one another,she knows that Bryce means a lot to her and she can’t imagine a life where Bryce Lahela didnt exist.  

the first to say I love you: It’s both of them, maybe... they would say to one another after an adrenaline rush! Or.. Alessia would suddenly blurted it out, after she had talked about it with Keiki who is shipping them silently!  (THIS IS MY HEADCANON, but.. its gonna change depends on the book!)

Bonus: Bryce and Alessia would get matching bracelets and ended up getting tease by their friends! Bryce found it quite cheesy and cliche, but... deep down he is very excited about it. // Alessia would silently take loads of pics of Bryce especially when he is in a candid especially when he is eating, she gushes about him a lot on her pictagram making her friends frustrated at the amount of Bryce content she posts online! 

Tagging: @storyofmychoices​ , @raleiighcarrera​ , @lahellacute​ , @aylamwrites​ , @mrsbhandari​ , @brycelahel​ , @choicessa​  ,  @princess-geek​ , @lahellacute​ , @kacie-0156​ , @simp-for-villains​ , @annekebbphotography​ , @brycelahel​ , @mrsbhandari​ , @dcbbw​  , @fantasyoverreality98​  and anyone who wants to do it! (I AM TAGGING MY TAG LIST SINCE THIS IS SOMEHOW A FIC-ISH // HEADCANON FOR BRYCE AND MC IN THE FUTURE.)