#am in so much pain i dont want to say goodbye

[shenzuns]

update on that last post, my cat passed away today so i don’t. really know what to do. maybe this blog will go on hiatus, maybe i’ll just post stupid shit to help with the grieving. it’s not a must but kind words would be really nice

[soulpoweredvocalist]

i hate having death related ocd

[wincestdailyheadcanons]

"I think it would do you both good to see each other." Jack says, taking the half empty beer from Dean's hand. 

The smile on Dean's face brightens his features up so much he looked 20 years younger. 

"I get to go be with Sam?" Dean asks. "Finally?" 

Jack shakes his head. "Not yet. It isn't your time." 

Dean scowled, grabbing the bottleback, taking a drink; "Then fuck off. Until I get to be with him again, heaven, hell, wherever, dont you talk to me. It shouldve been me in that barn, not him, and you fucking know it." 

Dean kept his body from shaking, his voice even, but he knew that despite the dim lights of the no name bar, Jack would see the pain 

in his eyes. The hurt, and loneliness in his soul that shined through the green that only Sam had ever been 

able to fill. 

"There's many worlds, Dean." Jack 

said, this time sitting across from Dean. The gesture meaning to show not only empathy, 

but equality. In this moment, he wasnt a God. He was just a guy trying to comfort one of the only fathers he knew. 

"In this world, Sam died. In another you do, in one you go on a different hunt and nothing happens." Dean looked up; "So, youre taking 

me to see a different Sam?" 

Jack nodded; "He's elderly in this world. Time is-" 

Dean held up his hand; "I don't need to hear the mumbo jumbo about time and space, just take me to him." 

Dean blinked, and found himself outside a well maintained brick house with large trees, and a well kept yard. Inside he could hear 

yelling. 

Dean rushed in, moving quickly through the house, and in the living room found a tall man with white hair, and a beard. 

"Why are you in here?!" Sam screamed at a young woman. "I want my brother!" 

"Mr Winchester, I'm your nurse, Hannah, your son asked me to he-" 

Sam grabbed a glass off and raised his hand to throw it. 

"Sammy?" 

Sam instantly responded to Dean's voice, the glass slipping from his fingers, and shattering on the floor. 

"Dean?" Sam asked, stepping forward, his bare feet moving towards the broken shards of glass. His eyes locked with Dean's. Dean and the nurse moved to stop him. 

Dean pushed Sam back onto the couch, ignoring Sam's tears of joy at seeing him. "Missed you, missed you." Sam sobbed, clinging to Dean's Jacket. Dean looked down at his sleeve. Dads leather jacket. Dean caught his reflection in a mirror above the fireplace. He looked how he did in 2005. 

Sam cupped Dean's face pressing their foreheads together. "I wanna go hunting." 

Dean closed his eyes, and sighed, taking in the moment. He hadnt realized he had forgotten what Sam sounded like, how it felt to hear his name come out of Sam's mouth, 

forgotten what it felt like to be home again. 

"Okay, Sammy." Dean obviously wasnt going to take Sam on a hunt but still the lie that he was a family friend, Sam's son had asked to come over was believed easy enough by the nurse. 

For the next two days, Dean took care of Sam. Fed him, bathed him, walked around the yard with him. Mostly though, they just talked. 

Sam seemed to be confused about what year it was, he mentioned Stanford alot. That was probably why Jack had sent Dean like this. 

"You wanna go for a ride in the car?" Dean asked, having found the keys hidden in a drawer and Sam immediately lit up, nodding. 

Dean took Sam to an empty field, 

and watched the stars. Dean clinked their beer bottles together. Sam didnt even notice his was non alcoholic. He just smiled; "Cheers, jerk." 

"Cheers, bitch." 

That night, Dean helped Sam into bed. Something in his gut told him Sam's reaper wasn't far off. Dean pulled up a chair to sit by 

Sam, and held his hand, squeezing it gently. He understood why Jack had brought him here. In the barn, there had been no time to say goodbye. The attack had happened 

so fast, so violently, Dean didn't 

have a chance to say anything to Sam. 

This was his chance. Dean kissed Sam's wrist;, "I am so very proud of you, how strong, and smart you are. How you never took any of Dads crap.”

Sam's eyes softened, he looked so tired. Dean continued. "You've always kept fighting, and I know how hard that had to have been for you." Sam closed his eyes, starting to drift off into sleep, a soft smile on his face. "Love you, De." 

"I love you so much, my baby brother." 

After a bit, Dean laid Sam's hand down, and stood, walking towards the door to sleep on the couch. "Goodnight." Sam called gently. 

"Night, Sammy." 

The next morning, he left before Sam woke up, catching Sam's son, who he had learned shared a name with him at the front door.

"Take good care of him." Dean smiled, chuckling to himself at the young man's confusion. 

"Do-do I know you?" He asked. 

Dean shrugged, and walked down the sidewalk. 

Dean Jr walked inside, setting his bag down on the floor in his old bedroom, before going to his dads room. 

"Hey, Dad." He said pulling a chair up. "Your nurse just left. He seemed pretty cool.”

There was a small framed picture beside the bed of his dad when he was younger, beside him sat the uncle he knew, but never met. He 

picked up the frame, analyzing it then looked 

towards the door. There was no way, no possible way.- 

But they were both wearing the same necklace... 

"Do I know you?" He had asked the man. 

"My big brother came and visited me." Sam told him. "We drove in the Impala" He smiled, stroking the amulet around his neck. "It was fun.”

[aonungyoufuck]

Runaway {Part 4}

Masterlist

DNI/BYF

Synopsis: Ao'nung and you have a talk behind some rocks. And oh oh whats this? A baby??

It had been around a week or so. You had finally been healed enough that Ronal saw fit to train you a little. Finally being able to go home. You thanked your stars that all you had to do now was eat some stew here and there for the internal pain you still felt. 

“Good. This is good'' Ronal complimented your craftsmanship on the basket you had weaved. You weren’t allowed to train in anything else. Tsireya was there for that. But she had asked you for a basket and a blanket. Aside from the proper paste that would dissolve the umbilical cord without hurting the babe or Ronal. 

“Thank you!” You nodded, bowing your head. “I will like to make your babe another Blanket. If it is alright with you” 

“That is fine.” 

“I know you said i cant help deliver the babe. I do know how to if you ever need extra help.” You hadn’t really delivered a lot of babies. But Your mother and grandmother had allowed you and Kiri to train for the woman of your old clan. 

“ I am aware, thank you. If you dont mind. Ill go make your food.” She stood up with your help as you handed her the basket. “You go on and get going. Remember no going until the water just yet”

You nodded bidding her goodbye as you watched her go. 

Walking home you didnt expect much to happen. Didn’t expect to be stopped. But feeling the slightest of tugs on your hand you looked. 

To Your Surprise it was Rotxo.

“Oh? Is there something you need?”

“Come with me” 

With not much thought you followed after. You didnt know why, or perhaps you did. But you just knew this was because of Ao’nung. 

In the time you been healing you had spend the most time with him. It was nice to have a friend in him too. And maybe your heart ached a little when you saw him. Whenever he was close to you.  

You had gone crazy. You knew. All your life you had wanted nothing than to prove your spot to your family. But as of late all you could think about was a mate. 

You were growing older. And soon if things work out correctly. You’ll be an adult in the eyes of the clan. You had hoped it was going to work. All you really had was to bond with a tulkun and Tame a skimwing. And had you not been shot close to your heart. Perhaps you wouldn’t have to stop your progress. 

“Where are we going?”

“Ao’nung is wanting to meet you near the Reef. But away from prying eyes”

There it was. That hint that he would be there to see you. For what you weren’t sure. 

“Sounds like he wants to kill me” 

At that he let out a hefty laugh. And it was nice to finally hear it. You hadn’t realized it. But your near death had caused almost everyone to dim their light. “I think its more to help you train on taming a skimwing”

“Wow jumping to training already”

“He has good reason for it too” 

You could only smile. The faintest of little hope you had lighting up. Warming your chest with a feeling you didn’t know of. 

“He’s past that rock over there. I'm heading home. I still have an awful lot of chores to do.” Rotxo spoke as he started running back. 

You watched him go. Before walking over the rocks and finally seeing the open sea. And there Ao’nung was. 

“Tame a skimwing huh? Forgot i cant go into the water just yet?”

“Oh hush i thought you may appreciate some alone time from everyone”

“That would include you Genius” 

He could only mock a laugh. Watching as you sat down beside him.Something about the past few days had changed everything about your dynamic.  Things were different. The looks were passionate and other worldly. And all you two wanted and mutually understood is that you were better together alone. 

“Ao’nung may i .. say something?”

“If its stupid no”

“Wow thanks” You muttered looking out to sea. “When..When our time comes to find mates Do you think we could still enjoy moments like this?”

“What?” you could barely make out what he said. A longing whisper in the wind. 

“I Know your nearly done with your. Well you know. I have no doubt once you become an adult in the eyes of your people that. That you will have to find a mate some time soon”  and a stinging pain deep in your core wanted to hiss. To think of it was something else. But you would have to learn to live with it. “I just hope that. That when that happens. That we would still be able to talk. And to have moments like this. Tho they are rare and often times distant”

“ And who says that i will have a mate?”

You could only chuckle at that. “Well it is to happen. You are nearly done with your Training. And im sure your mother would like to get started with the next Tsahik training you know?”

“Do you have any in mind?”

You looked at him. Eye to eye. It felt surreal to see him like this. Like it was only you two in the world. And it made your heart beat to a rhythm you knew all to well. You felt it once before. When a boy you fancied back home looked your way. But this was strange. It was stronger and truer than anything else. 

“I do…but it cannot happen” 

“Why is that? When you complete the last task you can chose of any man you want” 

“But i cannot have him” You admitted. 

And Ao’nung seem to understand. Somewhere in his heart he felt light. And like he could fly so high at the thought of you choosing him. You didn’t have to say it. You didnt need to say it with words for he already knew too. 

“ I would run to you more than anyone else”

“What-”

“I would split the sea if you so much as asked. I would do anything and everything for you. And if you asked me for the farthest star in the universe i would do it too. What ever you so much as wish for at your beck and call i would do it” He spoke holding your hand in his. 

Your heart sped. It continued at a pace you were sure was unhealthy. But hearing those sweet nothing made your head spin

“Without you all that’s joyous becomes like mud. Instead of rejoicing i shed tears. My spirit is never at joy if not around you.For in the world under Eywa. There is no woman born so lovable so dear to my heart, who loves me without feigning, with such a deep love” He continued to look at you. Looking into your soul, you felt light .

You couldn’t believe your ears as your cheeks burned with a want just as he. You wanted him You did but you just couldn’t you knew. 

“What are you saying Ao’nung” you questioned. Entangling your hands together as you could only stare at him. Was he always this handsome? Did he always make your heart race this way?

“You alone are my love and longing. You are the sweet cooling of my mind that makes the days chores bearable. No joy for me anywhere without you here” Ao’nung didn’t know where this was coming from. Something in him just had to get it out. He just knew. 

He knew that he should have waited. Given this more time. To bloom. But you two were so close. He only had one step to go and you two. And he wanted everything to be said now before you ever thought of someone else but him at your side. 

He was crazy. But he already knew that. Ever since you had spend the most time with him and his family. He just knew. He knew he had to say what was so deeply rooted in his heart. 

“Ao’nung… We can’t I am the outsider do you not remember? You are The Future Olo’eyktan. You are the son of a promising Clan. What would your people think if… If we did mate?”

“ I will take no other woman if you do not choose me. For no other one has made me feel like i can take on the world” 

His hand now grabbed your wrist. Placing it on his chest. You could feel his heart. It beat so gently and you swore at the tune of your own. 

You did want this. Wanted to feel this love blossom because you knew that you couldn’t go against what Eywa put in front of you. Perhaps you too had gone mad. “Ao’nung… i”

Feeling his breathe next to your lips. A gentle look as he saw deep into your eyes. “If you choose me. I'd be the happiest i could ever be” 

“Ao’nung…”

“Y/n! There you are! Come hurry Mother’s about to go into labor”  You heard Tsireya yell from across the rocks. 

“Lets go. But whatever you decide please let me know as i will wait until you are ready” Ao’nung confessed. As he guided you back to the Clan. 

But right now you had to think of something else instead of what your heart wanted. And cracked so hard for.

------------------------------

Taglist:

@simp-erformarvelwomen

@luvlykrispy

[honeybeedrabble]

Dangerous Desires (vii)- Mask Off

AN: I know this took a LOOOONG time to get out but it’s all worth the wait, trust. Now we’ve got the plot really coming in and i am SO! EXCITED! anyways, enjoy!!

Word Count: 6.7 K

18+ MDNI!!!!!

Content/Warnings: SPOILERS AHEAD !!!! MAJOR KAKASHI LORE DROPPED !!! AFAB!reader x Kakashi, hurt/comfort, fluff, dark fluff, drinking, stalking, attempted/implied attempted SA, violence, mentions of blood, dark!kakashi, yandere!kakashi, piv sex, unprotected sex (don’t be stupid) unprotected cream pie (DONT BE STUPID!!), mirror sex, breast play, marking, biting, major angst up ahead, VERY MINIMAL EDITING (i'm really excited to get this out lol) lmk what i missed!!

You would think that Kakashi telling you he loved you would make things easier, but it didn't. If anything, it made things worse. Before, you could say that he's just a horny shinobi, looking for a quick fuck at anytime available between missions, with you being the easiest piece of meat around. But now? Now you're forced to acknowledge that there's more bubbling beneath the surface. You’re more than just a soft body for him to wrap his arms around and use for his own pleasure- you’re someone who he loves. Very deeply in fact.

You lay on your side, nestled deeply nest to his chest, his arm draped over your shoulder. You looked up at him.

“Kakashi… I…”

“Don’t. Don’t say you don’t feel the same. But if you do… don’t tell me either way.” He spoke almost nervously. “I don’t want you to say it back if you feel pressured by it. But even if you do, I don’t want you to say it because I’m afraid... I’m afraid of what I’ll do.” He said, staring up at the ceiling.

“Oh.” You sighed deeply, staring up at the ceiling with him. “You said that you’ve imagined yourself saying things to me, things I have no idea about. If we’re being transparent… what is it you want to tell me?” You asked, resting a hand on his chest.

He was silent for a moment, pondering what to mention or what not to.

“I… I’ve seen some stuff.”

“Haven’t we all,” you smirked. He let out an amused exhale, running his thumb up and down your arm.

“Yes, but I’m still dealing with it all… I want to tell you but I don’t know how you’ll react.” His voice shook a little. You sat up to look at him, his arm falling from yours and dropping to the mattress softly. His eyes seemed watery and you quickly wiped away a tear before it could fall.

“I’m here… no matter what you tell me I won’t leave.” You cooed. His eyes shot up towards yours, shining with hope. “I won’t leave… I promise.” You say with a soft smile. He sits up, holding your hand to his face, then moving it down to his chest. You could feel how fast his heart was beating through his chest, worried whatever it was would be too much for you. Worried whatever it was was too much for him.

“When I was younger, I grew up with my father, who was also a shinobi. We have a very dangerous job, you and I. Saving people. My father had to save people himself, making their lives a priority as opposed to the mission he was sent out on. In doing so he returned home a hero, but also scum. The other shinobi couldn’t believe that he had abandoned his mission and chastised him, turning him into an empty husk of a man. I lost my father, he wasn’t there anymore.” He said softly. You ran your hand up to his neck, caressing him, hoping to soothe his pain.

“When I arrived home from school one afternoon I saw him laying on the ground. Dead. He had killed himself.” Kakashi looked away from you, tears beginning to fall.

“Kakashi…” You managed.

“No note or anything! No goodbye. Just gone. God, I hated him for that. How could he leave his own son!” he bawled, crying heavy tears.

You reached your hand around to the back of his head and held him close to your chest. You could feel his warm tears hit your breasts one after the other. He breathed heavily, occasionally drawing in a shaky breath just to let it go in a half-scream against your chest.

You pet his hair, raking your hands up and down his fluffy mass. You placed a kiss against the crown of his head and wrapped your other arm around his torso, holding him closer to you. When he finally stopped hyperventilating, he rest his head against your chest, holding your arm wrapped around him for comfort.

“I learned later that it doesn’t matter what the mission is, as long as you can save your friends you can never fail a mission. But when I realized this I did the unexpected. I had killed my very own friend. She just- I didn’t- oh god,” he broke down again.

His arms wrapped around your back, hands grabbing up to your shoulders and pulling himself deeper into you. He told you about Rin between breaths, about her unfortunate demise and how he had been the hand to deal her death. All you could do was listen and hold him. He rocked gently with you in his arms and his head against your chest. Thrashing when he spoke of Obito and the scar on his eye that came along with the boys sacrifice.

He told you about Minato, how he raised Kakashi when his father couldn’t. How great of a leader he was and how much he misses him. He couldn’t protect Rin, Obito, or Minato, he spoke of how much of a failure he felt like.

No matter how hard he shook, how loud his cries were, or how intense his hold on you was, you didn’t let go. You didn’t even say anything, you just let him get it out. And while watching the man you saw as big and strong crumble completely in your arms brought a few tears to your eyes, you didn’t leave him once.

A few minutes later, after his eyes ran dry and his head hurt from all the tears lost, he finally spoke.

“The funny thing is… that whenever I’m with you… that stuff doesn’t bother me.” It came out as almost a whisper.

“What do you mean?” You asked, hand stilling in his hair.

“I mean… that it’s never in my head. When I’m with you it’s like all that shit that happened before I met you didn’t happen at all. As if… it happened to someone else. Maybe it’s true.” He sat upright, arms holding you less desperately.

“I’ve changed so much since I’ve known you. I feel like a completely different person. Before I used to prefer being alone, now I can’t stand it. I cant stand it because every time I’m alone I’d rather be spending that time with you. On missions, in the shower… in my bed.” He added sheepishly. You smiled a little bit, blushing at his words.

“I feel like when you're not around my soul is screaming for you. And it’s so loud, sweet girl it doesn’t let me think of anything other than you. I love you… I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you so much I feel like I’ve loved you always, not just in this life but previous ones I can’t even remember. And in future lives where I’m sure we'll meet again.” Another tear fell out of his eye, this one you weren’t worried about.

“But then all the memories flood me like a collapsing dam. It’s all in a second. I’m scared you’ll get hurt and I can’t protect you because I’m not there. Or worse, I’m afraid I’ll hurt you. I’m afraid that no matter how hard I try to keep you safe, I’m scared that that demented twist of fate will take you from me anyways. I couldn’t live another second if you were stolen from my life.” Kakashi cried again, you wiped his tears before his mask could be wetted by them.

“I can take care of myself, Kakashi. I’m a shinobi after all. I know you haven’t seen me fight but I know how to defend myself and others. I wont die.” You tried to reason. It was to no avail.

“My love… I don’t believe you. I cant. Not after what I’ve seen… I cant lose you. To lose you would be losing myself.” He held you closer to him, his warm skin against yours as he lay you both back down on the bed.

“I love you. Don’t leave me. You promised.” He spoke softly in your ear.

“I did.”

___________________

The talk with Kakashi was too heavy on your mind. The next day it was all you could think about He had lost so much, you never thought about how life was for him before you two had met. You knew you’d be up all night thinking about it so you went out for a few drinks to put you to sleep.

When you arrived at the bar you scouted out the scene, a few couples, a group of friends or two, and of course some people on their own. You sat down at the bar and ordered a glass of bourbon. Sipping it occasionally between thoughts.

You felt a tap on your shoulder as a few ryō were placed on the counter next to you.

“I’ll have whatever she’s having. In fact, why don’t you get her another one?” A man with dark hair spoke from behind you. He smirked then sat down next to you, telling you his name. You quickly forgot it because of how intensely disinterested you were.

You polished off your drink as he spoke, quickly finishing the one he ordered. You thanked him for the drink, then told him you had to leave.

“Why? I barely talked to you,”

“I’m sorry sir I just… I didn’t plan on staying long and if I’m being honest I can really only handle one of these at a time. They filled my glass pretty high and I need to get home.” You explained. He glared at you.

“I buy you a drink and you take it and leave? Real classy.”

“I’m sorry, okay? I don’t feel so good so I’d appreciate it if you just let me leave.”

“Fuck you.” He spat. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“Have a nice night.” You turned around.

“Bitch…” he muttered under his breath as you left the bar.

You were lost in thought, almost drunkenly walking the streets back home, thinking about Kakashi. Your heart ached, wishing you could be with him without the terrified feeling of losing your job. You were sure people wouldn’t take you seriously if you were public about your relationship. They’d figure you slept your way to the top, not even taking your occupation seriously and all together stop visiting you.

You opened your apartment door and tossed your belongings on the nearby couch, turning on the light. You felt a heavy weight thrown against you, similarly to when Naruto had bumped into you. When you turned around is when you saw him. The man from the bar, slightly smelling of alcohol. You felt the color drain from your face.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” you yelled. He slammed the door behind him, walking up to you. You couldn’t believe how you let your guard down so easily.

“Listen… I payed good money for you. 350 ryō for a drink so I can get into your pussy isn’t a lot to ask for, but you just couldn’t deliver. You could’ve had it the easy way but you just had to be a prude.” He slurred as he approached you. You were frozen in confusion, yet sure what was to come. You were able to back away when he lunged and tried to grab at your hips.

“Let me make myself at home.” The guy smirked.

The door burst open and he snapped around. Kakashi stood in the doorway, his eyes piercing daggers into the man.

“Shit… you’ve got a boyfriend.” He whined. “Sorry, she didn’t tell me. She just invited me over.” He spoke. Kakashi grabbed him by the collar and thew him to the ground as he hit the ground head first.

“FUCK!” He yelled, clutching the back of his head.

“Sweet girl,” He grabbed you by your shoulders. You looked from the bar guy to him. “You need to promise me you’ll remember this. You’ll remember me as I am right here, right now in this very moment. Remember how I am with you. How I would never hurt you.” He spoke urgently. You were even more confused.

“Y-yeah…” you shook your head. He pressed a masked kiss to your forehead then turned around and grabbed the man by the shirt, dragging him just past your door way.

Kakashi knelt on the man’s knees, then struck him with a punch to the center of his face, the man yelling in agony. Kakashi put another blow to his face, then when his right hand got tired he alternated with his left. Striking the man over and over again, blood staining Kakashis knuckles. You hear the man spit blood on the ground.

“I’m sorry, I- I didn’t know.” He begged.

Kakashi stood up, then kicked the pained man in his rib. He let out a cry, grunting and taking it all. Kakashi lifted him up and held him against the outside wall, punching him in his gut, the man coughing up blood. Kakashi smiled under his mask, watching the man who tried to take you writhe in agony.

“I should fucking kill you. I saw you follow her home, I know she didn’t bring you.” Kakashi almost laughed.

“Please man, I’m so sorry. I just- fuck. Please stop.” He man blubbered, his chin falling to his chest.

“You’re a stupid son of a bitch. You’re just a piece of shit who can’t get any pussy and the only way you can get it is by trying to hurt my girl. I think the village would be a lot better without you in it,” Kakashi punched him again, letting go of his collar and watching him slump to the ground. He thrusted his knee into the man’s face, the mans head being thrown back against the wall hard. He cried. Kakashi crouched down to the guys level.

“If you want to live you’ll get the fuck out of here. Not just this building but the village itself. Go far, because I’ll fucking look for you. And if I find you I’ll kill you out there where nobody can find your body.” Kakashi was a mad man, staring into the bloody man’s eyes with a violent craving for his pain. The man lay on the floor with a groan between his wails.

You stood there, the experience completely sobering. Kakashis fists we’re covered in blood, his face had a few droplets on it as he stood in your door way, his head turning to look at you. You looked back, throbbing with arousal.

As a medical shinobi, you couldn’t believe what he just did. But as a woman, you couldn’t believe he wasn’t inside of you already. The way he brutally attacked the man who had bothered you, who had followed you home and had tried to assault you, who had tried to take you from him… it made your heart beat unreasonably fast.

Kakashi lowered his head and slammed the door behind him, walking up to you with a dark aura surrounding him. You felt the hair on the back of your neck raise as he snaked his hand around your waist to pull you deep into his large frame. His grip was tight, eliciting a small whimper out of you as you felt his iron strong arms lock you against him, forcing you into submission, leaving you with no room for movement.

“Did I scare you, sweet girl?”

Your breath hitched, the seductive tone of his voice sending the shiver down your back, he could feel it. What he couldn't feel was the pang of desire, shooting at your needy cunt. You shook your head and he laughed low in your ear.

“Really?” He smirked, hand trailing down your back and resting just above the curve of your ass. “So if I went out there and finished the job, you wouldn’t scream?”

“…No….” You rasped, having a hard time catching your breath while you trembled in his arms, core tightening and loins burning with an insatiable desire for his touch. The wet slick soaking your panties wasn't helping. You felt as if you had lost all sense of composure, pawing at his chest as you lost your inhibitions in his embrace.

“Really? Cause if you say the word, I’ll make sure that the only tomorrow he sees is when he's six feet underground.” You felt his member hardening behind his pants. You threw yourself against him further, searching for what you desperately craved.

“You don’t need to do that… he didn’t even touch me…” You said softly, looking towards the door. With his free hand, Kakashi held your chin between his index and thumb, moving your head back up to him so he could look you in the eyes.

“Well then I guess we’re both very lucky men, huh? He’s lucky, because he didn’t touch you. And I’m lucky, because I get to fuck you.”

He kissed you deeply, his lips warm under his mask. You grabbed both of his cheeks as you desperately needed for contact. As you kissed him you felt a shameful lust burning its way through your body, ignited by the violence in Kakashis crime of passion. And it was all for you.

You raked your hands through his hair, eyes snapped shut tightly. He broke the kiss but your eyes remained closed, lips parted knowingly. You felt his soft, warm lips meet yours again, uncovered by the confines of his mask. You smiled into the kiss, feeling his lips against yours without the feeling of the bandana against your eyes. While you did like to wear it, feeling Kakashi’s kisses without the restriction was invigorating.

You opened your lips immediately, your tongue diving to into his mouth for a change of pace. He laughed slightly, backing you up against your wall and spreading your legs with his knee. Your breath hitched as he pressed his knee under your mound, his hands tight on your hips, pushing you down onto his leg.

“Go ahead and ride again, sweet girl… Show me what you can do. This time I won’t let you get tired.” He licked your bottom lip, tasting your berry flavored balm and sighing before he crashed his lips against yours again.

You swayed your hips back and forth, moaning into his mouth pathetically. The feeling of his pant clad knee getting hotter from the friction of your cunt was amazing. Your juices soaked through your panties, coating the very inside of your pants as you kept rocking against his leg.

You could taste the flavor of orange on Kakashis tongue, the combination of his spit and your lip balm creating a beautiful taste the both of you shared as your kisses got more and more heated. He tore away from your lips with a growl, tackling your neck with a feral hunger.

“I always love to make your neck look like a war zone… it’s so beautiful when I’m done with you.” He sunk his teeth into your neck, lightly biting into your soft skin.

“Thank you Kakashi!” You whined, feeling the start of a marvelous climax rising from the depths of your core. “M-More! Please- More! Hurt me more!” You cried, clutching his white, shaggy hair tighter.

He pushed you against the wall rougher, moaning your name as he bit at your sexy collar bones. His cock became increasingly harder as you dragged your clothed cunt against his leg. He lifted your shirt up and bundled up the hem of it, brushing it against your lips. You opened your mouth and he stuck the cloth in, you bit down on the material and he unclasped your strapless bra. It fell to the floor and he dove into your tits.

His soft, wet tongue circled your sensitive nipple, he horribly suppressed a moan as it hardened in his mouth.

“Perfects tits… all for me…” he huffed, kissing your cleavage as he played with your breasts. You whined, the soft shirt drowning out most of the noise. Your eyes were still cemented shut, knowing fully well not to open them, unless he were to beckon you to stare at his face. You wanted to know his face desperately, but you were focused on being good for him, letting him suck your tits like the good girl he needed you to be.

You felt the plush of your thighs shudder under his muscular leg, your orgasm on its precipice. Your brain replayed the moment he attacked the drunk man, blood spattering his knuckles as he broke more and more of him for the sake of you. You shook violently, cunt pulsing on his thigh as you came.

"Good girl..." He praised, digging his fingers deeper into your hips as you rode him. You barely heard it while you were so lost in thought. Thinking about how Kakashi would do anything for you, and how the only place you felt the safest now was in his arms.

"I love you," You moaned, juices running down your legs from inside your pants. Kakashi's breath hitched, fingers going limp against your hips as you continued to chaise your high until you slumped against the wall for support, breathing heavily post-orgasm.

"What did you say?" He asked, you kept breathing heavily until you remembered your vocalized amorous affirmations. You felt like you were caught, not sure if you should repeat what was so impulsively thrown out of you. But you couldn't help but smile to yourself, feeling the void inside of you dying, ready to accept the love only he could fill.

"I love you." You confessed, feeling a giant weight being taken off your chest. One of Kakashi's hands cupped your cheek, as he desperately devoured your lips. He broke the kiss to rub his thumb along your under eye. He said your name, catching your attention.

"My sweet girl... open your eyes... please." He whispered. You felt your heart race, unsure if you heard him right. "Please... look me in the eye when you say it."

With that, you slowly opened your eyes, looking at him in the face. He was so beautiful. You stared at his face, unable to look away from how stunning he was. It wasn't just because you were so aware of how much you loved him, it also wasn't just because you were so aware of how much he loved you that made him so mesmerizing. You felt your eyes tear up, knowing how big of a deal this was for the both of you.

"I love you." And then you saw the smile. You could see how his lips turned up as he grinned, a beauty mark under those lips and his teeth slightly on display while his eyes creased gently. You lightly gasped with shock, finally able to see him happy in front of you.

"I love you more." He said, enveloping you with his gaze. You felt your heart beat, watching him speak for the first time with so much intensity, and it was to tell you: he loves you more.

You hungrily kissed him, desperate for more. More of him. You tugged at his shirt until he could break your kiss and slip it off from over his neck. You watched him do so. He threw the shirt to the floor then looked back to you to see you were already looking. He smiled.

"Do you like what you see?" He smirked.

"You look beautiful… You are beautiful." He was taken aback, you watched as his face flushed pink, your own reacting in accordance. "All I want is to look at you." You shamelessly admitted. He laughed.

"Sweet girl, now you know how I feel about you." He moved in closer, kissing you quickly, you closed your eyes, even though you wish you could keep them open to look at him.

Your nipples hardened against his warm chest, arching your back into him. He groaned, slipping his tongue into your mouth, which you took with greed. Your fingers tangled in his hair, taking all he could give you. His hands moved to your pants, unbuttoning and unzipping them with haste as he was surprised by your sudden gluttony.

"I need you so bad..." You managed to get out between heated tongue battles. He growled in your mouth as you pulled your pants to your ankles and stepped out of them. He animalistically grabbed the backs of your thighs and threw you to his hips, where you wrapped your legs around him with haste.

He moved you through the hallway with ease, taking you to your bedroom, and while you were taken aback that he already knew where it was, you didn’t say anything. He dropped you on your bed, it squeaked as you landed ass first and a few pillows fell off in the process. You slipped your underwear off, watching him as he watched you. The hunger on his face easier to spot now that his face was bare to you.

He licked his bottom lip, moistening it with the slight drool he had in his mouth. He wanted nothing more than to make you his, stuff you full with his cock while you told him over and over again how much you loved him. And that was exactly what he was going to do.

He got on the foot of your bed, tearing the rest of your shirt off with one motion and abandoning it on the floor with the lonely pair of underwear you just discarded. He admired your glistening pussy, post orgasm and already eager for more, he wanted to devour you. He wanted you to be all his senses, your juices coating his tongue, your hands in his hair, his nose filled with your scent, his ear hearing your moans and his eyes tearing you apart as you came undone on his face. But he had other things in mind for you.

He grabbed both your arms and lifted them over your head, your hands crisscrossed at your wrists as he held them down with his left hand. His right was busy working on his zipper then he finally pulled them off along with his boxers and left them by your clothes.

His right hand lifted your ankle up, plopping in on his shoulder and snaking his hand to your knee, where he kept it still. You watched as his face blew even further with lust when you tilted your hips for easier access. He rubbed the head of his cock on your clit and you twitched at the sensation.

“You don’t know what you do to me… you make me insane.” His hand wrapped around his throbbing shaft, pumping himself up and down as his tip weeped creamy precum and dribbled onto your folds.

“And you make me weak,” You writhed under his detainment unable to break free, his eyes fixed heavy on you.

“If this is weak then you won’t recognize yourself when I’m done with you. I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t even be able to think.” His deep voice vibrated in your ears as he pushed the smooth head of his cock down your wet hole with a pained look painted on his face.

You clenched around him as you watched his expression morph across his face, his teeth clenched tight before his jaw hung slack and a loud moan escaped his lips. His hand moved up to your ankle, holding it steady to his chest while his hips drove his thick dick in and out of your warm walls. Your head spun as you kept your eyes on him, feeling your body burn hot while he bottomed out inside of you with a growl.

“You’re taking me so good… I can see it in your stomach.” Kakashi motioned towards the cockbulge in your abdomen. You couldn’t look though. How could you look at anything other than his beautiful face and how his teeth sunk into his lower lip each time he bottomed out.

His thrusts became faster and harder, a sweat bead rolling down his face as his hips snapped against yours. You let out breathy moans, unable to contain your noises of bliss as he fucked you hard and raw in your own bed. He leaned down to suck a bouncing tit into his mouth, tongue rolling along your nipple and teeth softly biting into the surrounding skin. You arched your back, desperately wanting him to mark you even more.

“Mine, mine, mine…” he whispered into your tender flesh, fucking you mad as you whimpered loud.

He was naked. Finally naked… with you. He fucking you so deep you felt like you two were one, and your tight pussy held onto him as he slid in and out of you, loud, wet noises coming from where your bodies met and you practically screamed his name before you crash your lips against his and shook in his grasp.

“Mph- love-“ you got out between kisses. He stopped his kisses as he looked down at you. Your face was completely fucked out, hair sticking to your sweaty forehead and eyes rolled back slightly in ecstasy. He let go of your hands and let your ankle slide off his shoulder, it shook as it landed on the bed.

He grabbed your waist, pulling you up to meet him and kissed you hard before shoving you into a doggy style position, facing the corner of the room where a vertical mirror sat, you two completely reflected in it. He came up behind you, rubbing his wet cock against your clit, mixing your juices and his together on the tip of his dick before pushing it into you once again. You moaned loud, his hand tangled in your hair as the other rested on your hip. He held your head up and towards the mirror as his head dipped to yours.

“Such a little slut, look at yourself. A total mess and all you did was fuck yourself on my leg and lie down for some dick.” He licked your neck, a breathless moan escaped your lips as you pressed your ass into his hips, dick inching deeper inside you.

He kept a firm grip on your hair as he fucked you infront of the mirror, he watched you intently while you completely lost yourself to the feeling of his hard cock filling your tight warmness to the hilt. His thrusts became harsh and desperate, your tits bouncing with each slap against your ass. His groin was completely soaked by your slick, sticky slapping noises filling the room each time your bodies connected.

You felt your orgasm approaching, pushing your ass back with fervor with each snap of his hips. His cock twitched inside of you and when you finally looked back into his eyes, he was already looking at you in the mirror. His brows were furrowed and his eyes were burning deep into you, his mouth agape as moans escaped through one by one. You felt yourself fall over the precipice and shook violently in his touch. You could tear your eyes from him as you came hard, staring at his reflection infront of you as you screamed.

“FUCK- K-Kakashi! I love you! I- OH! I LOVE YOU!” You cried. And it was just then when his hips stuttered before slamming into you passionately as his mouth fell open completely and a string of cursed fell from his mouth while his cock shot thick, hot, white ropes deep into your needy pussy.

“Oh- oh- oh, sweet girl. I love you so much- fuck! I love you, I love you…” he trailed off between moans, groaning out your name as he filled you up so much, his cum dribbled out from the sides.

You took him so well and he fit so right inside of you, Kakashi was positive you two were meant to be, so obsessed with the fact he was made for you he couldn’t think of anything else as he watched his cum drip out of you and onto your sheets. He knew it. He was right.

You crashed down to the bed, a shaken mess. God, you looked pathetic and Kakashi was just eating it up as he scooped you in his arms. He grabbed a box of tissues on your nightstand and wiped you clean, kissing your sweating forehead with his soft lips and covering your naked bodies with your blankets.

You two lay there for a while, Kakashi whispering sweet nothing into your hair. You couldn’t understand him, you were too fucked out to think just like he told you you’d be.

It was a few minutes and you finally stopped shaking, head craning up to kiss deep kisses into his neck. He smiled, his head coming down to meet your lips and kiss you. When you two broke the kiss, he looked deep into your eyes, a melancholic look on his face. You were confused, but continued to admire his beauty before he looked away and pressed your head into his chest.

“Is everything okay?” you asked, unsure of his sudden mood shift.

“Yeah… well… no.” Kakashis voice was nervous. “…There’s a war coming soon.” Your head shot up.

“What? How do you know?”

“It’s just a feeling I’ve been having for a while. With all the talk of akatsuki attacking the hidden sand a while ago… and the hidden mist village attack the other day… I know we’re in for something big.” Kakashi sounded positive, but you didn’t want to believe it.

“How can you be so sure?”

“I just am. I was talking with Lady Tsunade after filing my report and she has the same suspicions as I. Things have been too peaceful for too long. Somethings up.” Kakashi spoke. He held you tighter, not knowing he was doing so.

“Well then… No matter what I’ll protect you out there with my life.” You said softly, trying to suppress your fears of the hypothetical war. Kakashis grip on you tightened.

“Don’t you see that’s the problem?!” He asked defensively, his voice raised.

“I-I’m sorry?” You asked, especially confused now.

“There’s no way you’re fighting in the war, it’s too dangerous! I forbid you from going out there, I’m not losing you.” He said with a booming voice, holding you impossibly tighter. You struggled to breathe before getting out of his death grip, and sitting up in your bed, clutching the blankets to your chest.

“I don’t think you understand Kakashi, you can’t keep me from doing my job.” You announced defensively. He shot up next to you, turning to look you in the eyes, his face angry.

“No, I don’t think you understand. You fighting out there is the most nonsensical thing I’ve ever heard. I wont always be there to protect you the whole time and even if I am, I doubt I could. I cant protect anyone!” He spat. You furrowed your brows. If anyone could protect you, it would be Kakashi, that you knew.

“Kakashi you’re being unreasonable. If people get hurt out there they’re going to need me.”

“Not any more than I do!” He bit back, tears forming in his eyes. Your demeanor quickly softened.

You stretched an arm out to his back and ran your hand up and down his skin soothingly.

“If you go out there and get hurt, I don’t know what I’d do. I cant lose you… you’re what completes me. Without you I have nothing. Without you I am nothing.” You watched as tears ran his cheeks and you felt your own tears fall, watching the man you love crumble in front of you.

You watched Kakashi smile for the first time, you watched him cum for the first time, you watching him get mad and now cry for the first time all in one sitting. You longed to see him happy again, but you knew you had to stand your ground.

“Kakashi… you just have to trust me when I say I can defend myself. I’ve said it all before but you never listen to me!” you defended yourself, still trying to soothe him with your hand on his back.

“No. I know that if you go out there you’ll die. everyone I’ve loved has died and I refuse to let you become one of them!” He became agitated again. He said your name.

“My sweet girl, there’s only one thing I ask of you.” His voice and face were dead serious, grabbing your other hand tightly in his. “Quit your job.”

You felt your heart sink. How could he expect you to do something like that?! Your job was the only reason you two met- hell- your job was the only reason you were here!

“Kakashi… no.” His face changed instantly, brows furrowing and eyes becoming dark once again.

“What do you mean ‘no’?”

“I mean no. Absolutely no. Helping and healing people is what I’m passionate about, I’m a medical shinobi and a good one at that! Kakashi I know this is hard for you, I’m sorry for who you’ve lost but I’m not going to become one of them! You need to believe me.” You pleaded. Kakashis hand loosened it’s grip, and he tore his face away from you and onto his blanket covered lap.

“Sweet girl… If you love me, like you say you do, you’ll do it for me.” He said low.

“What are you even saying?”

“I’m saying you can’t have both!” He snapped, looking back at you. “It’s either me or your job!”

You felt helpless. You sat there for a minute, mind racing a million miles an hour.

“CHOOSE DAMMIT CHOOSE! CHOOSE ME! CHOOSE ME FOR ONCE! WANT ME FOR ONCE!” He yelled, tears falling heavier. You cupped his face and quickly moved in to kiss him. He tried kissing back but couldn’t manage.

You kissed him softly, stroking his cheek and wiping away the rogue tears. You broke the kiss, pressing your forehead against his. He held your face too, hands on your neck with his thumbs on your own cheeks.

“I choose my job, Kakashi.”

His hands fell from your face as he tore his out from your own. He cupped his face and bawled into his palms, crying so hard his body shuddered. You wrapped an arm around him before he tore himself away from you and quickly got out of bed.

He grabbed his boxers and pants, putting them on in a hurry.

“Kakashi, what are you doing!?”

“I’m getting out of here.” He muttered, his voice quivering.

“What the hell is the matter with you, why!?”

“Because I refuse to be with someone who has a death wish! I refuse to love someone who’s going to leave me just like all the others did. I could handle not being public about our relationship, I wouldn’t have minded as long as we were both committed. But this? No. No way.” He zipped up his pants and walked out the door. You clutched the blanket to you as you followed him out.

“So what now? You’re just going to be mad at me for loving my job, is that it?” You asked, watching him pick up his shirt and put it back on.

“Mad isn’t the half of it.” He didn’t look at you and he slipped the shirt on, the mask bunched around his neck.

“Well then what is it Kakashi, what do you want?”

“I want out.” Your heart stopped beating.

“…What?”

“It’s over. We’re over.” Once again you didn’t have any words.

“Y-You can’t be serious. Kakashi I know you’re scared but so am I. Please, let’s just talk about thi-“

“There’s nothing to talk about. You made your decision and now I’m making mine. I cant lose another person I love, as long as I’m with you I’ll love you. So if you’re going to throw yourself into the hands of death I don’t want to watch you do it.” His eyes were red.

He pinched the top of his mask and pulled it over face, hiding himself from you once again. He walked to your door, opening it and standing in the doorway, throwing his head back to look at you.

“You were never going to choose me.” With that, he walked out and slammed the door behind him, leaving you alone in your one bedroom apartment.

[linalavender]

How Tatsuki Fujimoto writes Affection

First of all I would like to give massive credit to Tiktok user @campaign_baby for their Tiktok I saw on this that really made me think of it alot more

I will Bring up Examples from:

Shikaku

Mermaid Rhapsody

Goodbye Eri

Fire Punch

Chainsaw Man Part 1 (Quite a big spoiler in this will give fair warning)

Fujimoto has a sort of strange method he uses to write that a character Loves/cares deeply for someone. And its The character either being willing to be consumed or to provide sustenance to someone, Or to consume the other person. Examples:

Shikaku

After Shikaku confesses her love for Yucel, He rushes to the hospital to offer her his blood, Making her into an immortal vampire just like him. Yucel has also fallen for Shikaku, its basically his confession of love, He wants to live with her Forever.

Its drawn in a way you can tell its such an act of compassion too.

Mermaid Rhapsody

"I loved her so much that I thought, If it was by someone with a smile as pretty as hers, Maybe being eaten wouldn't be so bad."

Toshihides Dad feels the exact same way about his Mom as Toshihide feels about Shijyu. Mermaids eat humans, But that never mattered to either of them.

Goodbye Eri

In Yuutas Movie about Eri, He writes her to be a Vampire, because he wouldnt actually mind to be her sustenance, In his movie, he loves Eri so much. (I genuinely cant read this fucking story without sobbing, Rereading it again just to get this screengrab just made me cry for like 20 min help)

Fire Punch

This one is Pretty straight forward, Agni with his regenerative powers feeds his village by continuously chopping of his Arm so they dont all starve to death. But more importantly he does this to prevent his sister from doing it aswell. He doesnt want her to suffer that pain so he takes sole responsibility for providing himself to the village.

Agni also later feeds his followers with the help of Togata Chopping of the part of his face that isnt on Fire. I think this has more todo with making sure Togata gets fed rather than his followers, To Agni Togata means alot.

⚠️Chainsaw Man Part 1 (Spoilers for the Final arc)⚠️

When Power is about to Die, Power not only offers her own blood For Denji to Drink so he can get back to health, But Pochita also offers a small part of himself so she can come back as a Powerful Devil.

And ofcourse the big one is Denji Eating Makima. He obviously has to and all for the sake of erasing her. But he explicitly says it wasnt an Attack, It was an act of Love.

Its such a fascinating thing that the idea of consuming someone can be concidered something you do to a cherished one, as an affectionate thing. I guess as Denji mentions that you basically become one with eachother in a way if you consume them.

But this is such a Weird thing Right? Where does this idea even originate from? Well ofcourse we can only Speculate but I really think he took on inspiration from his own life here, Because he has actually done this to someone he loved. Yes, Seriously.

Tatsuki Fujimoto eating his deceased Pet Fish

In the Authors notes for "Tatsuki Fujimoto Before Chainsaw Man: 22-26" Fujimoto shares a story from when he was 24:

"Even though we were poor, we had a pet Japanese rice fish. I found it dead one summer. I went to toss its body into the trash like in Parasyte, but my girlfriend said she wanted me to bury it, So off I went to the park, alone. I tried to bury it under this big tree, but the ground was too hard, my hands got all dirty and I had no hole to show for my effort. Out of Options, I figured I would pretend I had buried the fish and left it lying there on top of the ground. As I watched it for a little while, ants found the body and began to carry it away. Im not sure what came over me, but in that moment, love for that pet fish welled within me for the first time. I brushed the ants away, and then Ate it."

You can read the full story here

It has that "Wait what the hell am I reading" Charm to the story like alot of his works, But theres something so weirdly beautiful about this story, Somehow stricken with grief and love for this fish, He ate it. As Denji says, its not an attack, his fish is part of him now and its an act of love. So strange, yet so Beautiful.

Anyways thanks for reading this insanely long post if you even got this far I appreciate it!

[fatuismooches]

smooches you have no idea how much i want to be Pantalone's little househusband i promise im normal you dont get it! your post about a reader who has physical touch as their love language boosted this by like 9999999% i keep rereading the pantalone bit and giggling (also the zandik part broke my heart how could u... </3 /lh /pos)

i wanna cook him dinner when he gets home and offer him a kiss when he returns :(( I want to be surprised when he sees something that reminds him of of me and so he got it !!! I want to massage his shoulders and give him a kiss on the cheek as i do so :(((( I wanna wash his hair with no matter how much product as he uses :(((( I want to use a hair dyer and gently style his hair for him however he wants! I want to cuddle with him as he rambles about his day! I wanna help him get ready in the morning and help him with anything he needs !! i want to make him a cute little breakfast before he goes off to work !! I'd be so sad when he leaves :((( but then i realized he forgot his lunch, so before his break i waltz into his office and bring him his lunch with a kiss on the cheek! I crave domesticity with this man i am feral i am insane I'm running around in circles - 🎈 no one understands my yearning

TEEHEE I'M GLAD YOU LIKED THAT POST!! ❤️ (ALSO I DIDNT MEAN TO BREAK YOUR HEART NOOO IM SENDING ALL MY HUGS 🎈 ANON!!) And omg,,, you're so right ;(( THAT'S SOOOO CUTEE AHHH!! Indulging in all of the sweet little domestic things with Pantalone >>>

Ughh,,,,, him coming home after a super long day and all he wants to do is relax with you in bed, but as usual he comes home to a delicious smell wafting throughout the house and he already knows you're making his favorite ;)) And although he was tempted to skip dinner just to cuddle with you he can't say no to your cooking made with love!! And he certainly can't say no to hoisting you up on the counter and giving you a tonnnn of kisses while the meal finishes cooking! And the gifts? How could you not be ecstatic at his gifts? It's not just the large $ he drops on you as if it's nothing that makes you blush, but how he explains why he got it for you <33 We love a king who thinks of you always !!

Ohhhh he absolutely adores when you take care of him <3 you're such a good darling, going so far as to take care of your husband like this, even though you have your own responsibilities and troubles :( Pantalone loves how intimate and soft you are with him... your hands may not be as skilled as a professional but your rubs really make the stress roll away better than anyone... he's very fussy with his hair but you know all the tricks after being with him for so long :) You'll make sure he doesn't feel an ounce of pain or discomfort and ensure that it's as fluffy as usual! Don't let him fall asleep in the tub though... it's nearly impossible to get him out then. Though he'll totally pamper you the same way, better than royalty! Equal exchange and all! (Also because you're his beloved of course, even if you didn't he would still love you like that)

He loves rambling to you, because you're probably the only person that at least partially understands his rambles but also 100% willing to listen 🥺 Pantalone gets up quite early so he'll try not to wake you... but if you get up anyway to help him his heart would be blown into itty bitty pieces 🥰 He insists on you getting your 8+ hours but he can't deny he loves when his beloved gives him a goodbye kiss and sees him off for the day 🥰 Pantalone gives you a kiss back and reassures you he'll be back before you know it...

You could just send an agent to deliver his forgotten lunch but why would you ever lose out on the chance to see your husband?! Do the regular Fatuis say anything when you walk in with a very cute, delicious, and organized lunchbox for the Harbinger? Nope. Do they know not to disturb the Regrator when you're alone with him in his office? Yes. SO FREAKING CUTE 🎈 ANON AHHHQDWBDJWDND

[reds-ultrakill-brainrot]

Your writing is so wonderful!! I love it so much...

If its okay, may I ask for Hurt no Comfort V2 headcanons (even fics r fine!!!). It can be anything like how they interact with the reader or how they treat themselves (especially with the stress of v1 and hell).. i dont mind anything!!

You Knew the Game and Played It

hurt no comfort V2 relationship headcanons cw graphic description of an injury

x reader content (read platonic or romantic)

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- emotional intelligence is not something V2 has much of, their interactions with other people have been extremely limited and oftentimes immediately violent. arguments or disagreements can quickly swell into fights or ignoring eachother. they don't mean to blow up like this, but they honestly don't know a way to deal with their emotions besides violence and anger. they wouldn't dream of intentionally hurting you, but they are not particularly safe to be around - before they encounter V1 they almost fully believe they are indestructable, and this flippant attitude extends to how they handle most danger. they will be more cautious with you nearby but there will be times they will but you in a dangerous situation with the idea that you'll be fine simply because they are there. your own mortality doesn't register in their mind, you have to be fine. he doesn't even consider you getting hurt as a possibility, but when you do, which you will eventually, it's a sobering moment. their silence is deafening and you don't think you've ever seen them this shaken before. they refuse to touch you, suddenly aware of how little effort it would take anything in hell to kill you - if they get injured don't expect to be told. they will do everything in their power to hide it from you. a mix of both ego and insecurity breed a dangerous pattern of behaviours, their wounds ignored in your presence only to leave them writhing in pain when you are gone. this culminates in a near death experience, a moment where they have no choice but to think about what could happen. shattered glass mixing with internal wiring in a sensation akin to eating razor blades. they can't think clearly, pain clouding their thoughts as they stumbles towards safety. they can't feel their arm. why can't they feel their arm. you find them unconscious on the steps of their hideout, their life holding on by a tether of rage - after their first fight with V1 their obsessive and scheming nature really begins to shine through. they are rigourous in their preparation for fighting them again and will borderline ignore you throughout. they will be short and extremely blunt in those rare conversations, chiding you for bothering and distracting them. they know they are hurting you, and it's killing them, but they can't let you down again. they need to win this time. they don't want to think about the eventuality that they dont come back home to you. this is a necessary sacrifice in their eyes, they know you'll understand one day. - they don't say goodbye before going to face V1 again. it's a mix of desperation and dread, they need to do this, they need to win. the all consuming rage slowly ebbs during the fight, their blood slowly covering more and more of their frame, and only their blood. it's a memory of you that spurs them to flee out of the pyramid, a last ditch effort to grasp at a life they had forsaken the moment they entered the place. the flash of blue that follows them down the steps seals their fate. they die alone, last thoughts unable to stray from the regret that lingered in their mind since they stepped foot inside limbo

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apologies for this being somewhat short, however i am fairly happy with the end result. just a reminder my inbox is open, check my pinned post for more

[adidegmez]

spn s14 spoilers

s14 ep1(stranger in a strange land)

i want to watch spn but at the same time i dont. last 2 seasons. i dont want to say goodbye. but i need to kearn how their stories end. i must say dean looks amazing. they'll find dean, sam and cas theyre trying so hard.

s14 ep2(gods and monsters)

poor nick, lucifer used him. i love bobby. when he came back i didnt think we would see him this much. its nice to see him he is like our bobby but he is not him. i wish he could come back. cas' speech was beautiful, he changed so much. i love him. jack is right and i dont like that. dean would agree with jack. but dean cant die theyll find another way. and theyll save dean. why didnt cas go with nick? dean isnt dean its Michael right? that was the plan. i hope he is dean but i dont think so.

s14 ep3(the scar)

dean is back. the beard, really dean. I thought Kaia's story would be left unfinished. im glad theyre telling it. Jack is still young and has been through so much already. jack saved the girl. and now he is sick. i love dad cas, when he is talking to jack he is awesome. dean said yes and saved his brother and son. yes michaelhurt people but dean did what he had to do.

s14 ep4(mint condition)

dean wanted a friend like stuart. when he was mad at his dad he could just go and hang out with his friend. he now has cas but it wouldve been nice for him when he was young. i love fanboy dean. his love for movies is beautiful. i hope they can have a nice halloween next year. i would like to see the cosplay.

s14 ep5(nightmare logic)

jack and cas finally went to hunt. i wish we could see that. i love bobby but he needs to be more chill. he is bobby but not our bobby. our bobby's relationship with the boys was different, it was beautiful. i missed him. i didnt think bobby would live this long. i thought they would kill him. im glad he is alive. i am not sure about bobby and mary tho.

s14 ep6(optimism)

i missed Charlie. They had planned everything but the "old man" destroyed Dean. He never expected this. he is offended. jackrealy played his role. i like both of them. they are amazing. i like how both of them thinks Michael is their fault and not the other ones. i love how jack is trying to convince dean to forgive himself. i liked how sam convinced Charlie to stay. i missed our Charlie and bobby. jack is truly a winchester. he is not okay.

s14 ep7(unhuman nature)

hi cas! nick learned some stuff from luci, like torturing:(. dean let jack drove the baby:'). and what is wrong with dean? jack is their son dean'S cas' and sam's. and they love him so much. i mostl forget jack is just a baby. at least rowena helped, it was nice of her. nick is a psychopath. he lost his mind. if he doesnt want to feel those feelings he shouldve asked for help from the boys or he couldve killed himself but he chose lucifer. when lucifer comes back there will be chaos. hell cause so much pain but nick doesnt even care. i thnik luci will save jack probably not willingly but i think jack will live because of him. maybe hell get his grace back.

s14 ep8(byzantium)

no no no no. this cant be happenning jack cant die. dean and cas werent with him. even if they were he cant die. theyll bring him back. im glad kelly got the chance to see her boy. the winchesters and cas, they raised jack well. he is amazing. empty is ruthless. im glad it didnt take cas now but it will take him when he is finally happy. i hope it cant but this story will end, cas' story will end. and i guess thats how it will end. this is bad but for now both cas and jack are safe. im happy for lily she saved jack and she got her reward in the end. the winchesters are back together again. i wish Chuck would come. he couldve beaten Michael easily. and the boys wouldnt have to fight with him. but Chuck is with his sister idek what theyre doing but it wouldnt take long to kill Michael. boys are great dads. they have their son back, they really love their son. i love seeing team free will 2.0. they are all amazing.

s14 ep9(the spear)

no garth wouldnt do that. i think he is working with the winchesters. i love garth. i think i love ketch too. he did some(a lot maybe) bad things but he is trying to do the right thing. i dont like the fact that dean lied to kaia. yes they need the spear, hopefully theyll keep their end of the deal and return her to her home. why did Michael let sam live? what did he do to him? no! Michael took dean, again. dean isnt gone hell beat Michael. dean will win.

s14 ep10(nihilism)

hi pamela. dean's dream, its beautiful. but where is jack in that dream? i cant ake Michael serious. he has dean's face. btw ill always choose dean againts anyone and anything. because hell always win he is always on the right side. jack shouldnt believe what Michael says. im the cage?! dean is so powerfull. hell keep him there for a while. at least billie helped them. 1>14,000,605. dean will save the World, again.

s14 ep11(damaged goods)

Dean says goodbye to everyone. thats not good, hes going to do something. well, what deans doing is not the perfect solution but it can provide more time for others to find a good way to get out of this situation. dean didnt say goodbye to cas and jack?

s14 ep12(prophet and loss)

i thought nicks story ended. dean you did everything you could do for sammy and you are still apologizing. sam, did it. he conviced dean.

s14 ep13(lebanon)

No one can steal the baby. i hate that girl. omg! he wanted his dad. john is back. winchesters are back together. cant they be happy just for once. constantine:) . im glad they all got to spend time together but i hoped john could stay and they could be happy. but this is supernatural and they dont get happy endings most of the time.

s14 ep14(ouroboros)

jack is using his soul more:(. i love rowena more now. rowena cares about them. she cares about jack. i dont want jack to be soulless. yes jack is a winchester and i think cas is a winchester too. if Michael is really dead and jack got his power back then whats gonna happen rest of the season?

s14 ep15(peace of mind)

jack doesnt have a soul, great! well, at least he is trying to do good things.

s14 ep16(don't go in the woods)

i dont like those kids. i hope we'll never see them again.

s14 ep17(game night)

nick became lucifer. i couldnt tell the differance. he was a monster. jack didnt do wrong, if he didnt kill nick he would try to do the same thing again. yes something is wrong with jack but he will get better. Mary pushed Jack too hard, maybe if she left him alone for a few minutes he would be able to pull himself together.

s14 ep18(absence)

No, Jack couldn't have killed Mary. dean and sam theyll be devastated. dean dont be mad at cas. he was just trying to do what he thought was right. The flashback scenes are killing me. I get sadder with each scene. There is 1 season left, I have been watching their stories for 3 months. I don't know how to say goodbye to them. rowena changed so much, i like the winchester affect. she cares about jack and the others. i didnt think mary would die. but she did.

s14 ep19(jack in the box)

hi bobby! i hate dumah now, i didnt like her before and now she is worse. Jack is very open to manipulation. cas did a good thing. dumah doesnt deserve that kinda power. They should have known that box couldn't hold Jack. Dean can be so cruel sometimes, he lied to Jack so easily. and sam he wasnt okay with it he struggelled while lying to jack. i hope they can figure this out. and thing could be way it was. lucifer always makes everything worse.

s14 ep20(moriah)

Chuck!! if jack was sam den would do anyhing to save sam. jack could be saved. jack will return only he can beat Chuck. and he will beat Chuck, he has to. Chuck is a monster. jack is just trying to be good. im glad dean didnt kill jack. he saw jack was struggling and he was trying to do te right thing so he didnt kill him. 1 last season

[seaweedbraens]

To all the show doubters: you CANNOT say the final episode wasn’t absolutely great. Very few major issues, and actually lived up to the books (mostly)!

i obviously have like 16 full length essays in my head but imma spare y’all that for now.

i speak as a show doubter here. i havent watched the show yet because i have a grad review in 2 weeks that i'm supposed to be working on and i simply dont have the TIME to binge an entire show without feeling a truckload of guilt afterwards.

nothing against you, or anyone who enjoys the show! but i accidentally saw a clip from the final episode that INFURIATED me.

it's luke's betrayal, and somehow....annabeth was there. i don't want to comment on anyone's acting because this is just one scene and i don't want to be too harsh. but my issue is that annabeth was there at all.

first off - if she was there, there is no WAYYYYYYYYY annabeth's first instinct would be to attack luke if she overheard him. this is her FAMILY, the one person she truly felt she knew and who she felt knew her. she'd be stunned, man. not defiant in the face of his betrayal. look at the books! she rushes to hold the sky for him, making that decision in the brief moment it causes him pain!

anyway:

annabeth being absent is the POINT. in the books, she doesnt see luke leave, she doesnt know/understand his reasoning, and ON TOP OF ALL THAT she has to wait for like a week for percy to wake up and tell her how things went down. during that week she has to come to terms with the fact that 1. luke's left her and the camp, 2. he attacked percy, 3. he's joined kronos, and 4. he didn't care about her enough to give her an explanation or even say goodbye.

i feel like this DIRECTLY leads into her attitude towards him in EVERY. OTHER. PJO. BOOK following the first one. she is desperate for answers, desperate to believe that there's still some good in him. she wants to hear it from him. she wants to SAVE him. she defends him from percy's judgement MULTIPLE TIMES, tells him percy didn't know him, but she did. she truly believes he's just lost his way. she doesn't understand how he's fallen because she wasn't there to see it. and when she finally does, it's STILL hard for her to process.

i feel like her being there just ruins a lot of that. or maybe i'm just being overly nitpicky. which...that's kinda my thing. wcwsthwas exists because i'm nitpicky.

i don't want to diminish anyone's experience if it's been a positive one, least of all yours because i really do appreciate your inputs! this is just me ranting here because that scene bugged me so much. maybe the rest of the show is great and i'll be eating my words soon enough. i guess we'll have to see!

i'm sorry if this is very harsh - i don't want to offend anyone! i'm ecstatic you like the show, and i don't want to shut anyone down. i know i come off as a rick riordan hater (which i kinda am), but i wouldnt be writing pjo fic if i didn't have a lot of love for the universe he's created. i want to hear all the opinions - the good and the bad. please feel free to share any thoughts in my askbox.

[did-sm1-say-catfish]

thank you for the venom is THE dabihawks song

by no means am I a my chem expert, I am just a casual enjoyer who couldnt help but think of dabihawks. This is my interpretation in a dabihawks way. thank you and pls dont hurt me

The song is about two lovers, one of them pursuing a suicide mission, and the other thinking that they would gladly take that burden from them any day.

Most of the song is from Hawks's perspective. He's watching Touya slowly kill himself in pursuit of revenge. revenge for the beginning of his own destruction. But even with everything, even with every single stray bullet or misplaced burn, he'll still be wanting Touya to be happy. the only way for Touya to feel fulfilled in the black hole he lives in, if for him to finally be able to kill his father. ergo, keigo watches as his lover dies but can't, in good faith, stop him from fulfilling his dreams.

"You'll never make me leave I wear this on my sleeve Give me a reason to believe

So give me all your poison And give me all your pills And give me all your hopeless hearts And make me ill"

Keigo so fucking desperately wants to be able to save Touya from himself and his past. He wants all the poison, the bad experiences, the trauma, the pills, the hopeless hearts. he would be as ill as Touya if it meant that his boyfriend wouldn't have to deal with the trauma and lasting effects of everything he's gone through (the illness)

"Give me a better cause to lead Just give me what I need Give me a reason to believe"

this HAS to be Keigo desperately begging for another way out, or at least to understand his bf. desperately, he wants to understand the reasoning for self destructing and whats seems like giving up.

"You're running after something That you'll never kill If this is what you want Then fire at will"

This, in my book, is obviously about killing Endeavor. Touya is endlessly persisting killing his father (fair tbh) but there doubt in the storyteller aka Keigo. He knows as well as Touya, no matter how little they talk about it, that this is a suicide mission. Endeavor or Touya (or neither) is coming out alive in the end. Its a lose-lose. But as much as keigo knows this, he also has an irrefutable amount of faith in Touya. This may be a suicide mission, but it's his suicide mission. This is what he's worked his whole life for and theres no stopping him so: fire at will. go ahead, go kill your abusive dad, do your silly dance, be a dramatic little bitch. but youre keigos dramatic little bitch. he very well may not make it through, but this is what he wants.

"I'm just the way that the doctor made me,"

Ok, now you would think dabi here, but (maybe) WRONG! Hawks here has undergone everything in the book to make his quirk better and more appealing to the public. He's essentially a statue, likeness carved in the image of perfection. Theres insecurity, like, 'nah bro you dont want this im genetically modified' but this is keigo being the storyteller, and he doesn't realize the way that Touya feels the same way. the insecurity is in both of them, but in a way it makes both of them feel a tiny bit more seen. "Black is the kiss, the touch of the serpent sun It ain't the mark or the scar that makes you one,"

this is basically keigo's response to Touyas insecurity. its saying, 'youre not who you are just because of your scars, you arent who you are because of your appearance or affiliations or high rank of danger shit, you are more' than the fucked up outside (or inside), you are who you are because of your ambition, love, and dedication. You are my love' and then they kiss

the last "fire at will" in the song just feels so painful and desperate. like a final cry for help or goodbye.

thank you for coming to my ted talk

[violentlyexplosive]

not to be Vulnerable On Main, but I'm going through it and need to vent my thoughts into the internet aether where i can pretend the people reading it aren't real. um. trigger warning for sad animal stuff and some mentions of blood, sh, and sa.

pet loss is so weird. like. i keep waking up at 5 am, half asleep, like "ah yes, i have to get up and let the dog out now" but then there is no dog. i had never had her as my phone background until she died. i keep looking to the couch every time i walk into the living room and there is no dog there. i look behind myself when i move around the kitchen so i don't step on her but there is no dog behind my feet. i go on a walk every day at 8 pm because i cannot fathom a routine without her. every time i pass the neighbourhood kids i hold my breath, cus is this going to be the time they ask? am i going to have to explain to a gaggle of six year olds that the dog had to go away? where she went? am i going to have to be the one to say it because my father is older and softer now and will cry? do i get to cry?

I've never been close to my extended family, and it's always baffled me when others would talk about grieving their grandparents. somehow a part of me views it as, idk, a lesser grief? not in the sense that i don't believe you should grieve your family members, no matter how many degrees of separation between your bloodlines, but because it is simply not something i have or will ever experience as a product of my upbringing and culture. i already struggle with empathy on a good day, having been medicated since pre-puberty, and i just can't... understand this form of grief. i do not think less of it, i just can't find the shape of it.

and i feel sort of similar in this? like. this stupid fucking dog was in my life from 13 years old to nearly 21. she saw me through ugly, awkward haircuts and acne and my first bad period and watched me harm myself and come home traumatised with invisible hands tattooed onto my skin forever. we got her to help me with my debilitating social anxiety/agoraphobia and depression. she got me out of the house and forced me to talk to people to explain "oh I'm sorry, she barks at men, we think she was abused as a puppy" and laid in bed with me when i was too sick or pained to get out of it. and in return, i held her during thunderstorms and fireworks, wiped her mouth and ass when she threw up or pissed the bed. i slept on the couch with her when she couldn't make it up the stairs after surgery, then again years later when she got too old and sick. i hand fed her when she didn't have the energy, i spit water into her mouth when she couldn't get up to drink it herself, i kissed her little, golden head every time she gagged on the pills i had to force down her throat because no amount of ham or cheese or peanut butter could make her swallow them. she was clever like that, in the dumbest ways possible.

and it's so fucking weird without her. i never realised how much my routine revolved around her until she wasn't there to cry at me to feed her anymore. and i feel stupid for feeling so broken up over a dog of all things. like i said, a lesser grief. animals come and go, i know this. have known it since i lived in the countryside and saw my first dead deer, since i had to kill an injured bird for the first time. i knew she was going to go, and i knew it was going to happen soon. i knew the moment the vet called to say she had blood in her tummy because i hung up and screamed. i screamed. over a dog? over the one thing in life i knew how to love right.

i dont know. I'm ovulating, and it's been officially seven days since she said goodbye, tail wagging to the very fucking end. it's too quiet at home, and my mother (mentally unstable narcissist that she is) is already talking about wanting to get another dog. we have a 12kg bag of food and two pallets of canned stuff that came a couple days after she went, that im going to donate. i carried the 40kg ball of fluff and blood to the vet, 12 is nothing after that. i take solace in the fact that i believe in god not in the abrahamic way, but that god is the universe and everything within, and that energy cannot be created or destroyed, meaning she's still out there somewhere. maybe if i listen really hard I'll hear her again.

[eyezdrawz]

im bored so im dropping poetry for y'all to see, there are prob spelling mistakes but whatever, poetry under cut TW: BLOOD, ROT, SUICIDE, DEATH, SHOOTINGS, GORE

I worked really hard on these so I'd appreciate your reblogs and comments <3

Collection of poetry by me

The liar’s real identity – Eyez

I look back on my life, cliche like others

But I wonder where I went wrong to get to who I am

And I wonder where I went right to stay who I am

Why did I meet these people who tortured me

And Who have I wronged to torture myself

Lonely nights and lively days

But I control this so why don't I change

To feel is to live and to live is to feel

But we all live so that one day we can all die

What am I feeling?

I ask everyone yet no one answers

Who am I supposed to be?

I ask no one yet everyone answers

Sensitive to everyone’s thoughts of deathbut not sensitive enough to care about yours anymore

I should but it hurts to see what has your thoughts deceived to be

Now I lie

Lie about love

Lie about pain

And all your love was shoved into vain

You can’t forgive me

And I can’t forgive myself

So let me put our hidden memories on top that dusty shelf

Educational Boredom – Eyez

Walls surrounding her

Wanting her

Trustfully closing in

On all solivagant souls

biblichor on her graphite-covered hands

Clinomania stuck in her head

Moon-struck faces fade away

Yet all she wants is to be successful

Tears fall down her smiling face

Unable to feel until it's too late

Stamina wasted on walking nowhere

Why can’t she move?

She is

Just in the wrong direction

Peacefully walking into her own grave

Say goodbye to a person who loved her

She didn't like to say I love you back

A sister in hand one in another

Justice paying a toll for one and the other

School stringing drama together

Instead of sewing study's goals

Breathing notes and spying books

Warm sweaters and itching-raw tank tops

Jumping clues go out to life

Where will I lead without any strife

Scared to love

I don't want to feel you

Scared to die

I don't want to be you

Infinite hallways lead to everywhere

Unlock the doors

Logophile, she continues to read

Humanity to one person loosing hope – Eyez

Typing things no one will read

Singing things no one will hear

Making things no one will see

Being someone something will fear

Humans are unknown yet we think we know everything

We ruminate about the world yet we dont explore it

So much to see yet not enough time to do it

We love to waste time and momentum

We love to waste effort and spirit

Hating the idea of being bullies while we bully others

It takes a special type of hypocrisy to be decievingly known

Is someone truly good?

Is something truly bad?

Is it the way we look at things?

Is it the perspective that we have to change?

Why not our actions

Why not our thoughts

Why not our people

Why not your bots

jolting up at 3 am because you heard a feather fall

Ignoring the screaming at 1 pm because you heard those sirens call

We’re to used to the bad

Take the shootings for granite

But when something is different

When something is new

Hiddin in our corrupt minds, you want to ban it

Bodies falling

Teenagers screaming

Parents begging

Stomach wailing

Its their heads hitting the ground

Its their minds in the clouds

Karma beating those who did not behave

But only after their scuicidal minds hit the grave

Your heart is not the symbol of love – Eyez

Moon shines on different roofs

Faking a smile yet loving the truth

The undead roaming like the unspoken history

Questions haunt the earth behind blind eyes

The vessel for our souls

The beast is our bodies

Shapeshifting organs twist and turn

In the bloody home we call the heart

Living the years looking like corpses

Orderly chaos consumed by our voices

Yet we have yet to rot

Living the dream in the grave you dug for me

You living the nightmare thinking its your fantasy

Good events turn to bad

Just one chime of the clock and we all go mad

The older the mind the stranger the hunger

The younger the truth the more likely the liar

Gruesome births and calm deaths

Become to newborn version of the generation

One by one we all fall apart

Fading piece by piece into extinction

Vulgar words even more the vulgar sentence

Death and love become your only special entrance

The alternative - Eyez

Sleep here in the ground

Blood behind your mind

Secrets revealed night before

You where fine just days ago

I look away from the grave

Your new home I made

I see your parents

Grieving privately

They search my eyes

Looking for my excuses

I have none to give

I raise my hands

A sign for surrender

A sign for peace

Blood drips down them

I wish my love not ceased

Weary needs, Guilt in my eyes

Sorry please don't make innocent cries

[lavandulawrites]

Its been a month since my baby has died(my bunny). I can still sometimes hear his little paws on the carpet and ofc tiktok keeps showing me vids of rabbits just being cute. I shoud have long since moved on but honestly, I miss my baby too much. I used to call him loaf(I think thats the translation). I really really miss him and honestly I want to get another pet, but I know for a fact I will not be able to replace him and I am scared I wont be able to love the new pet as much as I loved(still do) Kizuki(my baby). Is it normal? I cant really talk to my parents about this since they are most likely gonna say its just an animal or that I shoud stop with this nonsense or smth like that.

I really miss my little loaf and just an hour ago, a vid of a bunny jumping in the owner's bed for cuddles but the owner kept putting it down made me think about the times I denied my bunny affection bc I was bussy studying or bc I was scared ut would poop in my bed. I feel so fucking guilty about it and the worst part is that rn all I want is to pet my little angel. Sure, I would get annoyed when he would try to homp my leg but I really do love him. Idk what to do rn bc I shoudnt be grieving his death. And I dont think i shoud be blaming mynself for his death but I am(he chewed on a cable when I was at school and that plastic got blocked in one of his intestins and he died).

Ik he felt awfull in his last days and I didnt even get to say goodbye to him. Do you have any tips on how to like- get over it?

At the same time, I feel like if I were to get over it, it would stain the memory of Kizuki. I just miss him so damn much and idk what to do atp.

Sorry for the yapping and trauma dumping. My emotions are just all over the place. I am still thinking about his last pic. When my dad took the pic when he was with the bunny at the vet(I was at school) I never would have tought it would be his last one.

(His last pic)

I think I have told u about his death before, probs also put this pic but I just miss him so damn much. Sorry again for yapping

I’m again so sorry for your loss ❤️‍🩹

It’s completely normal to morn for loved ones or pets for months, if not years❤️ Everyone moves on differently and grief takes time so don’t feel like you should already have moved on. If it helps, I would advice you to maybe scroll past videos of bunnies if you feel you aren’t ready yet.

Getting another pet can help with grief if you’re ready for it. It’s completely normal to think that you maybe won’t be able to love a new pet.

It’s also completely normal to think about all the things you could have done differently, though there is no need for that. I’m 100% Kizuki loved you unconditionally even though he wasn’t always allowed onto your bed. You shouldn’t blame yourself for his death at all, and it’s only human to grieve the death of your pet. Pets are family after all.

As for how to get over his death, I can only say that it will take time. It’s important to do things you enjoy, but also not ignore the pain of your loss. There is no need to hurry. I would also advise you to talk to someone you trust. Talking to others often lessen the pain.

Getting over his death will not stain his memory, it will only make it easier to think back to all the good memories you two had together❤️

[night-market-if]

Good day. Question about Milo's romance. I really like him, but I can't build a relationship with a polyamorous character. I don't want to be a part of it, much less know that my partner has someone else. Can't MC and Milo talk about it in the next book? Tell him, that you are monogamous only. As an author, you must understand that this is totally unfair for those who romanced Milo for the whole game, wanting to be with him (not with him AND Malcolm), helped him overcome his grief, but as soon as Malcolm return, he immediately fell in love with him again? This is considered as a cheating for a monogamous partner. Please think about this during your break and I hope you can write Milo's solo route. I dont want to say goodbye to your game, it is interesting, but I will not be able to close my eyes to what causes me pain and discomfort. In advance for all the poly lovers, I'm happy for you, but I have the right to speak, thank you.

Hey anon,

You have the right to speak for sure and I want to say thank you for sending this in. I cannot say I am surprised because I knew there was going to be some discourse around this decision. However, I also have the right as an author to write the story I wish to write.

So, here is the thing. Monogamy within the Night Market does not have the intense value that it has here within our world and culture. No one cares who you are sleeping with or if you are monogamous or not. That being said, if your personal decision for your MC is to be monogamous, that is a great little flavor text and head cannon you can have for your MC. And, I have routes where there are RO's who do believe in that. If Milo not being monogamous is not something you wish to experience, Gabriel, Belladonna and Hazel are great routes because they have solo routes. Two of them have the chance to be open or poly but if you choose solo, that is fine. There are some tentative new romance options coming in book 2 as well that might better suit you. That being said, if the idea of it within the story makes you uncomfortable, I have said from the beginning of this book, there are a lot of wonderful authors out there that I am sure offer mono routes for every RO.

I would also like to address a few things you have stated in this ask just so I can be clear to everyone about it. Sometimes asks get confused with the text and people start to wonder if they missed something. First, the entire Milo/Mal thing has been around from the beginning. The uncertainty of whether or not they would be poly locked has been touch or go but it was addressed a few months ago and has been addressed on my discord, that you did not have to enter a poly, but Mal was always going to be around and vice versa if you decide you want to romance Mal. It was not ever brought up in game because, again, monogamy is not a construct that the Night Market has. For example, no one cares what Belladonna does. It is not like Milo is the first non monogamous character. The assumption was just made with Bella because she is a courtesan while the assumption was made that Milo would be monogamous because it is what is culturally acceptable to us. You need to remember that this place is a nexus point of a lot of different worlds. There are not a lot of things they bat an eye at. And yes, you can sometimes change the overarching things in this world (the treatment of people, for example) but I have made the decision that I do not feel comfortable having MC have influence or decision over RO's sexual preferences. That would be like having a LGBQT character that you convince to be straight. These characters are who they are outside of the MC and will not be changed fundamentally.

Also, the comment that MC helped him get over Mal? MC has not. Milo, is not grieving or holding onto the moment Malcolm died. Hazel is. Milo, already processed that. That is something that will be coming up in upcoming chapters. Also, you are assuming Milo falls instantly back in love with Mal. There is a line in this book that says he will always love him. But the idea that they are going to fall into each others arms with him back? You are assuming something that you have not read. I can also tell you, due to the end of this book, Milo being monogamous, is not what you need to be concerned about within this route.

Overall, I have been pretty transparent that the Night Market is a game and a story that I am writing, with characters that have a set of morals and beliefs. The MC, is not, and never has been, a self insert. They are a character in the story as well that you are just playing. I encourage you, if this is triggering, to read another IF. A piece of fiction is never worth your emotional comfort. That being said, I do understand this is a decision that will upset some people, but I am not writing a game to cater to everyone. There is no way that I possibly can do that.

I'm sorry if you do not understand my decision and I'm sorry if you feel misled. This is a wip, though. This is something that is in development. If you go back to Milo's description in the promo text, it does say his relationship is not as it seems. I did not make this decision without knowing how people were going to react and in the end, being true to my writing, and my characters, is very important to me. I love everyone who has supported me, but that does not mean that I owe you a change in my boundaries over my work, because of that support.

Zinnia

[superchat]

hihi how are you liking magia record so far :3

its been aight! it def doesnt hit like madoka magica, i can kinda feel the Gacha Story in the adaption even if it does have some changes to the story, just like, how characters enter and leave plot points, how antagonists show up, etc. im watching and im like "oh this must be a chapter in the game where the final boss fight is this character" so im imagining like, CHAPTER 3-10 or something

it rlly does bum me out that yuki kajiura didnt compose for magia record, the new tracks dont rlly hit as hard but yuki kajiura is kind of a legend for a reason,

but overall the shows been pretty cozy. kind of like a popcorn show. its got SHAFT, its got madoka aes and magical girls and witches, i dont care much abt the World Building and Lore but the aesthetics that drew me into pmmm is still there for the most part

the new characters are all rlly good too, so far im enjoying them. my only complaint is that protag is like...really really dumb, to the point that idk how shes survived this long, and also characters seem to cease being important the moment the plot doesnt call for them...what happened to black haired girl from episode 1...what happened to blonde and red hair girls that are friends with the blue haired one...it is a big cast so i get that you cant constantly have them all relevant but they rlly do drop off fast and hard once the plot moves forward...

that sounds like a lot of negative but i am enjoying it, its very cozy, characters are endearing. also the emotional maturity for a lot of the stuff is like, rlly good.

like the reckless girl who just wants to kill witches cuz one killed her parents so shes homeless, jobless, and full of hate. and everyones criticising her for being too quick to jump into fights, and when everyones going around throwing Help And Tips when she never asked she snapped like "they took everything from me, so why cant i be angry? why do i have to be the one to hold back?" and iroha apologizes for throwing advice on her when it wasnt what she needed

sana having her family essentially call her a failure and verbally abuse her and the conclusion to it wasnt like "ahh but deep down her family still really loved her! they just werent seeing eye to eye!"

it instead ended with her saying a one sided goodbye, and leaving them to live with her friends, who became her new family. she never told her parents how they mistreated her, they never Got What They Deserved. they continued to live in their self rightous lives and she never got closure from it, cuz if she tried to, it just wouldve led to more pain and suffering for her. "i want someone to call my name. but that wont happen here. im going home." to her friends who care abt her

i think! these lil moments are really good, and powerful. i like that the series isnt trying to be as dark as madoka magica was. like, madoka magica has everything in a magical girl show, its got hope, and love, and friendship the triumphs over evil in the end. it just takes a long, long, time to get there. it goes to the darkest parts of the struggle before springing up into the light, but magia record has more moments of hope throughtout, so i do think this change of pace is good for anyone who wants more madoka. gen urobochi had his fill in torture porn, we dont have to recreate that for every installment to the madokaverse