#am i missing something man idk
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i checked and i am 99% sure this is not satire
#boink#im not gonna tag this as taylor swift bc i dont want that kinda trouble#but like#you gotta realize how ridiculous this sounds#like i dont think those are bad lyrics like ok?#but it's not like the concept of ... writing lyrics????? is new#like come on#like it's not revolutionary#am i missing something man idk#like come on babe she didnt invent music#and im not tryna be a hater but why are we acting so superior about it#like what do you meannnn 'how dont you get it yet'#maybe its this specific phrasing thats getting to me LMAO#its just soooo#aucghgaha
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It shocks me that the Hatchetfield fandom doesn’t embrace the fact so many of the characters are garbage people. Max Jagerman? Horrible person, a bully and sexual harasser. So damn fun to watch. Linda Monroe? Annoying Karen mother who’s entitled and selfish. Amazing character, give us more of her being just the worst.
With a series full of characters who span from being assholes to down right evil people, it’s shocking that there’s so much hate towards people who like these characters. Let people like morally bad characters, it’s fun! Hell, make them likable if that’s what’ll make you happy. If you don’t like how someone else sees a character, maybe you’re the problem
Maybe I’m missing the point, I dunno. I love antagonists in any media really, Hatchetfield especially. Let people like the characters they like, hell let them redeem the ones that may be considered redeemable. If you don’t think they’re redeemable, cool. Move on with your life :)
#starkid#Sorry I read the starcanwrecked confessions blog too much#Any time there’s an argument on whether you’re a bad person for liking a bad character I puke in my mouth#You’re not a bad person if you like bad characters#I feel like that’s common knowledge and then I remember this is tumblr#team starkid#hatchetfield#Maybe I’m missing the point#If I am lmk#It’s exhausting seeing the way the fandom just hates on some characters#they’re fictional#remember that#Yknow what character doesn’t have this problem#Ted spankoffski that’s who#Yall see the bastard man and adore him but the second you see Grace Chasity you freak out#Again maybe I’m just missing the point#Idk#tell me why I’m wrong or something#I’d be glad to read why
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no but the way viserys continues to haunt the story through rhaenyra and alicents conflict, which gets passed down to both of their children, is crazy good content.
the irony in that viserys the peaceful was the one who started this war, and the downfall of the dragons/his family in the first place.
viserys and daemon had their own conflict, but when viserys alienated rhaenyra initially by marrying her best friend, he then ignored his and alicents children, eventually later his actions leading to rhaenyra marrying his brother (who he'd also taken for granted and ignored).
he then kept doting on rhaenyra up until the moment he died, further seperating himself from his own children by alicent.
alicent knows of rhaenyras affairs, grows hateful and takes that resentment out on her own children instead, while her father otto is further poisoning her and them for his own ends to scheme for the throne.
so then alicents children learnt to grow up disliking rhaenyra's. the only time you see them even remotely amicable is when theyre bullying aemond, another bond made through cruelty instead of kindness. this is ironic considering at laenas funeral you can see that aemond actually thinks about trying to offer comfort to i think baela and rhaena (if i remember correctly?)
aegon and helaena couldnt care less, which to me makes it even more sad. if aemond had, he might not have then been so quick to rub his claiming of vhagar in their faces, and he might not have lost an eye.
the taking of the eye plus viserys' incompetence reignites and cements alicents hatred for rhaenyra even more. viserys takes rhaenyras side, not defending his hurt child at all, even going as far as to shout at aegon for even the mention that he might have said something against rhaenyra. this causes alicent to attack her, and later making her then double down on her efforts to pressure aegon into hating rhaenyra, further distancing him from her.
later we see with aegon that his mothers pressure leads him to find affection in other very unhealthy and harmful ways, assaulting his maids, excessive drinking, brothel going, and assumably fathering many bastards, leading him tho the child fighting rings as well. aemond too starts going to the brothel and avoiding alicent, but for platonic affection instead of anything more.
helaena is the one who received the most of her mothers love and the least of her cruelty, however their relationship is similarly screwed up because shes the only child that doesnt actually want affection from her...
meanwhile rhaenyra is a very loving and fiercely protective mother to her children, fighting for them above all else, especially when their parentage is concerned. she does anything for them, and it shows in their natures that their upbringing, other than the scrutiny from other nobles about their father, that they were raised kindly and wisely.
whats also completely different is that rhaenyras children have not one but three father figures, all of which love them in different ways, which is three more than alicents children have. you could make an argument for cole being a prominent male figure in their lives but he is also quite cruel and hateful.
we see team greens children grow up to be anxious, affection starved control freaks, with mummy and daddy issues, with not one of them knowing how to be a leader even though they are all in some way forced to be one.
aegon is an incompetent drunkard of a king who knows nothing of court or war or politics, not even high valyrian. he is only a figurehead, but is strangely empathetic towards his subjects and loves his children.
aemond is cruel and objective, a fierce fighter and being the most studied and educated of them all, but with no care to his subjects and far too willing to disregard or maim his own blood for his own ambitions.
helaena is the gentlest but she herself has no ambition to rule, she is kind but also an outcast of their society because of her prophecies. she also does not particularly care for her subjects, even being scared of them and their willingness to get to know her.
meanwhile in complete contrast jacaerys and lucerys are kind, more than willing to learn, theyre fluent in high valyrian, they are very interested in their histories and heritage and they learn sword fighting from harwin and assumably laenor? later probably daemon too.
they stand in the war council room with their mother and learn, and even baela and rhaena are involved by rhaenyra to both take part and learn.
the generational trauma goes crazy in this show, but all these characters are so compelling. i dont think there is a single main character that doesnt interest me. yes most of them are bad people and have done awful things, but its also so interesting to see how they got that way and see how one fathers actions, or lack thereof, caused so much destruction.
#this was much longer than i thought itd be xjdjxjsjjza#ill also admit i havent read the books but i am planning to#so there may have been things i missed or got wromg#idk this show is really special honestly and its a breath of fresh air from the shite writing and pacing from the last few seasons of GoT#idk something about this being a 'mans world' but these whole events were started by tragic yuri is amazing#and until recently its been two women leading the two oppositions no matter how subtly they were leading#a man drove a wedge between two girls and they spiralled into thus#its art#also tragic siblings/family goes hard im ngl it always makes me sad#house of the dragon#hotd#aegon ii targaryen#aemond targaryen#helaena targaryen#alicent hightower#viserys targaryen#rhaenyra targaryen#daemon targaryen#jacaerys velaryon#lucerys velaryon#laenor velaryon#harwin strong#i didnt talk much about rhaes younger children because they havent gotten mich screen time yet#and also i havent read the books and hopefully avoided most spoilers sjdjsjdks#baela targaryen#rhaena targaryen#ace rambles
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little story about little Eddie and his 2 new friends | word count approx 2.5k | general audience rating | steve and eddie are kids and Wayne is a pushover
Wayne sometimes thinks it was a mistake, not taking in the boy. God no, he would never think of Eddie as anything other than an important and intrinsic part of his life, couldn't be without him, wouldn't want to be.
No, what Wayne worries about is how his readiness to help Eddie feel loved might contribute to the boy's difficulty in making friends.
It was an innocent enough request, Eddie asked for a pet as all young children do. He was so small and so wide eyed, just a scrap of an 8 year old with more feelings than he knew what to do with. Wayne knew he'd never hold up against any request Eddie made but he liked to pretend to himself that he could. And while technically he never pandered to the boy, yes Eddie usually got what he wanted but in a way that suited their means. Or so Wayne tells himself.
8 year old Eddie asked for a pet and a pet is what he got.
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Eddie barrelled into the trailer door, backpack swinging off his arm and ready to be thrown into the corner. Planning to shoot off back out the door to do his usual; lift up rocks and inspect whatever bugs he could find, to grab sticks and imagine them as wizard staffs, to let his imagination finally run wild after hours of sitting still at a desk under too bright lights and too busy class rooms. In truth he wasn't really paying attention to the insides of the trailer, expecting it to be the same as always. It took a very pointed cough for Eddie to register that Wayne was unusually home from work, far earlier than normal, and a further loud clearing of the throat for Eddie to pay attention to what Wayne had placed on the kitchen table.
Right in the middle of the table, sitting in a beam of sunlight, was a cage and in that cage was what would soon become, Eddie's very reason for being. He crept up close, almost as if scared that any sudden movements would prove the whole thing to be a cruel illusion. He was brought out of his reverie by a pink nose wiggling at the bars, whiskers attached and twitching as the rest of the rat appeared.
'is he-? is he for real?' Eddie said with a gasp, hands inching towards the door of the cage.
Wayne had to suppress a laugh, trust this boy to be bowled over in wonder at a rat as if it were a puppy. He opened the contraption of the enclosure door and dipped his hand inside, allowing the rat to climb onto his palm. The guy from work assured him that this one was the most tame he had, inquisitive to a fault and oddly enough, desperate to be handled. Quite honestly, the perfect match for his well meaning but excitable nephew-near-enough-son.
'Yeah, yeah kid it's for real. And he's a she.' Wayne lets the rat sniff at Eddie's hands, little pink hands finding a platform on Eddie's palms, clearly holding himself a still as possible but if Wayne knew this boy, and he did, he knows that Eddie is so close to vibrating out of his skin, that containing that much excitement must be killing him.
'I don't care. Wayne, I don't! Can she sleep in my room? Does she know tricks? Can I teach her? What does she like? Can I take her to school? Please! Wayne!' He's started now, words pouring out of his mouth, tripping over himself to try and release every thought entering his brain at lightning speed.
'Woah, there' Wayne says pulling the rat up, cradling it in two hands, 'We got to be kind to her alright? She's only small. Doesn't know what loud noises are good and which are bad, okay?' He watches as Eddie nods vigorously, eyes never leaving the creature. 'Now you promised me you'd look after a pet so that's what's going to happen. She is your responsibility. That means cleaning, feeding and loving, got it?' Eddie nods again, tentatively reaching his hands up, the image of Oliver Twist springs to Wayne's mind.
Wayne comes around the kitchen table, crouches down to Eddie on creaky knees and hands the rat over, filling Eddie's small hands with a heartbeat and fur. Eddie giggles, watching as the rat surveils the new patch of skin its found itself on.
'Tickles, Wayne' and its said with such love and devotion Wayne almost feels his heart break
'Yeah son. She does, doesn't she?'
-
Of course it takes less than a week and Eddie and Sam are inseparable. As soon as Eddie gets home he's itching for his furry friend, delighting in the way she scampers around the room, over his arms and anywhere she can get. No matter what though, she always comes back to him. She can be digging in to a particularly interesting crevice behind the couch but she'll always come running back when she hears Eddie make a noise.
The thing is, Eddie is a pretty lonely kid. Not for lack of trying, don't get it wrong. Eddie tries to socialise he tries to talk to the other kids in his class, get them involved in his imaginary games and play pretend but being the new kid doesn't really do him any favours. Being the new kid that lives in the trailer park and a penchant for biting to show affection does him even less.
To Eddie, its him and Sam against the world. He can come home and know that his best friend will listen to all his problems, will stay close and won't run away even when he's extra loud or being 'a lot' as his teacher like to tell him. He's so tired of being told to use his 'quiet hands', his 'inside voice' and every other subdued phrase they try to press on him.
This particular day was a hard one, Sally Winters had said that Eddie was 'bad luck' and the word quickly spread around by recess. Eddie had thought he was making some progress with a couple of kids from the class, was thinking today might be the day that he finally got asked to play but that hope quickly got squashed. He had hopped up to the potential friends with a stick in his hand and a notion of being a pirate when they both looked at him like he was a monster, they couldn't get away fast enough. And Eddie couldn't find a place to hide quick enough before the fat and heavy tears fell from his eyes.
It was a long day and home time was his only saving grace.
Wayne knows somethings up, can tell in the way that Eddie isn't even really talking to Sam, hardly looking at the Tv despite the fact that Wayne very purposefully had put the cartoon Lord of the Rings movie on. The sure fire fall back he liked to keep in his back pocket. The trump card to get his kid happy. This time though? No luck. Looking at the kid makes a chasm open up in his gut, deep and full of overwhelming sadness that he just wants to stop, wants to find the solution to make this boy smile like the sun again. They don't talk much for the rest of the night but Wayne makes sure to stay close, stay awake in case he's needed. Eddie spends the time between dinner and bed sitting on the floor, side pressed up against Wayne's leg and playing fetch with bits of Wayne's whittling with Sam, not a word said.
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Eddie wakes up the next morning with a plan and a devil may care attitude. Oh so carefully he maintains his usual routine; says good morning to Sam, carts her around the trailer as he washes his face and wanders into the kitchen, placing her in her secondary cage so she can eat breakfast with Eddie and Wayne - Eddie was adamant that they couldn't have meals without her, 'she's part of the family!' and soft hearted fool Wayne Munson agreed and an additional cage was sourced.
When breakfast is finished Eddie begins his usual rigmarole of dragging his feet to get out of his pjs and into his clothes, reluctant to grab his bag and go out the door. Same old protests as Wayne watches him walk out towards the school bus.
What is a new addition to the routine though, is Sam Munson hiding up the sleeve of a school boy and about to go on a secret and very dangerous mission. A mission to survive the school day.
Surprisingly, Eddie manages to keep Sam secret, keep her safe, the whole morning. He came prepared with snacks to make sure she was entertained and happy, he couldn't stand the thought of her being sad, her eyes get so big and her tail droops as well as her ears, it makes the whole of Eddie ache. But no, she's happy, or happy enough at least.
So the morning goes without a hitch, Eddie making noises to cover up any squeaks and keeping a hand in his pocket to reassure Sam, stowed in the pocket of his hoodie. He knows he's seen as 'weird' so what's a few extra noises? They are let out for recess and Eddie breathes a sigh of relief, thinking this is his time to let Sam out, knowing she's desperate for some fresh air. Sure, she's peed in his hoodie pocket, but he can't really tell with it's dark colour and the layer of t-shirt between the wet material and his tummy.
He runs off to his usual corner, stuck between a bush and a tree and gently tips Sam out of his pocket, she scampers around his feet and gratefully accepts a broken off bit of cracker between her hands.
'Thanks for coming with me Sam. Everyone is so mean, its so stupid. I don't care. You are a better friend than any of those losers' He crouches down, hoping to find a twig to play fetch with. A game that he delights in, is immeasurably proud of her for learning it so quickly. 'Gonna find you the best stick Sam. Promise. Best stick for the best friend'
He continues muttering to himself and doesn't notice that he's getting progressively louder after finding a twig and beginning the game. Doesn't register that he's drawn unwanted attention with his happy shouts and encouragement until a body is crashing through the shrub he's hidden himself behind.
Sam doesn't notice either until the unexpected form is right in front of her and she bolts, running as fast as her legs will carry her and Eddie is right behind her, muttering under his breath as he trips over his own feet in an attempt to catch her 'oh shit oh no oh no oh no' He's pushing himself as hard as he can but it doesn't count for much, he never was the fastest. He keeps trying though but then a faster body is accelrating past him, in a evident bee line for Sam.
Without thinking, Eddie lets out a painful 'NO!' terrified of what might happen.
He knows people think rats are dirty, thinks they don't deserve love and don't deserve life. He doesn't want to imagine what this person's intent might be. Sam reaches a dead end up against the wall of the school and the body, the boy, stops infront of her. Scoops her up? Cradles her into his chest? Eddie...Eddie doesn't know what to think, he's prepared to fight this kid but then the boy is looking up at him with curious hazel eyes. Stroking Sam's head gently and with intent.
He holds Sam out, careful with his motions, trying to blow his brown floppy hair out of his face without disturbing the animal in his hands 'is she okay? is she yours? did I hurt her? she looks okay, is she?' Eddie gingerly steps forward and plucks Sam out of the boys hands, gives hera thorough inspection as the other boy continues
'I didn't mean to scare her I swear! I didn't even know you had her! I won't tell, I swear I wont! You know...you shouldn't really have a rat in school. If I promise not to tell can I play with you? I'm Steve'
Holding her close, Eddie squints at the boy, at Steve, and thinks. Thinks about how he looks nice, about how soft his hair looks and how he asked Eddie, Eddie!, to play, that he didn't give him a wide bearth and that he held Sam with such care. It isn't even a hard decision.
They spend the rest of recess together. Eddie shows Steve just how smart Sam. That she can play fetch, that she can run across one arm to the next, over your shoulders without losing balance. That she can twitch her whiskers and it seems like she's laughing at the joke Eddie tells her. That she laughs at the joke Steve tells her! Steve learns that she's named after somebody called Samwise and it doesn't matter that he's a boy because Sam is brave just like Samwise and smart and cares just as much. That Sam is Sam and Eddie is Frodo and together they can take on the world.
Steve asks if he can have a name too and Eddie calls him Legolas, doesn't tell him why. Doesn't say that Steve reminds him of the pretty elves described in the books Wayne reads out loud to Eddie. It doesn't matter, not really.
Recess ends and they shuffle back to the school doors, both of them lagging behind the others.
Eddie steels himself, knows he has to bring his misfortune up so that he can own in, so that his new friend doesn't find out from someone else. 'I'm bad luck you know. Sally...she said it. now everyone wont talk to me. I wont be mad if you don't either. I've got Sam. We'll be oaky! So you can just go, I don't care!' He knows he's getting wound up, he can't stop himself. He just wants the bandaid ripped off so he can start feeling sad quicker, get it over with sooner.
Before he can register is, Steve is wrapped around Eddie in a flash of a hug, careful to keep his tummy away from squashing Sam.
'Not bad luck to me. See you tomorrow Frodo' Steve whispers next to Eddie's ear and shuffles through the school door.
Eddie is in a daze of joy and happiness, thoughts rumbling through his head but none of them sticking as he journey back into his class room. Pure happiness radiating out of his body, he takes Sam out of his pocket and holds her up to his face 'Sam you made my bad luck go away!' kissing her on the forehead as he hears his teacher scream
'EDWARD MUNSON IS THAT A RAT?!'
-
So Wayne thought the already unpopular kid having a rat would make things worse. Turns out, he was wrong. Very, very wrong. He might have to start pocket inspections before school though.
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also on ao3 if that's the preferred reading format for you
#steve harrington#eddie munson#steddie#wayne munson#stranger things#hello is this thing on? hi ummm so i didn't think i'd write again for a very long time if ever#but choco mentioned rat boy eddie and idk this sprang forth#and i KNOW okay i KNOW its rusty and not good but i finally just wrote!! i wrote because i wanted to!! and i had FUN!!! IT DIDN'T FEEL#FORCED OR PAINFUL!!!!!#anyway i am half thinking of a part 2 but who knows maybe possible maybe not#either way it is a relief to know that i can actually have fun writing and not feel like i owe something to someone!!!!#its like when i startd back in the summer of last year!!!!!#idk man its silly and these tags are silly but i had fun and creating is fun and i missed having fun WITH it#probably wont write again for a while but thats OKAY!!!!#thank you anyone who reads this and any one who has ever been nice about my silly words#choco shout out to the jestie#okay okay sorry GBYE
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im still baffled by the general response to ep 8 btw. sure the dialogue got a little cheesy at times, but the dialogue in this show is always like 15% cheesy? that’s why people like it lol.
i thought ep 8 was really good, plotlines were moving, drama was happening, characters and relationships were being tested. juno temple acted her ass off. i wish the whole season had been like this!
i really don’t understand why everyone disliked this ep so much. am i missing something? am i just looking for something different out of this show than everyone else is? i agree that the season as a whole has been… scattered, but i thought this past ep was really good.
am i missing something?
#i also feel so bad for keeley hazell#it seems like this ep was probably somewhat based on personal experience for her#considering keeley is based on her#and i really felt that genuine voice come through in the plotline and dialogue!#for the keeley parts anyway#but people are being brutal towards her specifically#i just. i’m baffled#sure the locker room scene was maybe a little preachy but like. literally this whole show’s premise is ted#standing at the front of a room and telling everyone to be nice#like i thought that was part of what we were signing up for lol#anyway. even with minor issues like that i still don’t understand how it could deserve a 6.6 on imdb?????#that’s lower than signs! i hated signs!#well not hated but yk#i certainly liked it less than this one lol#idk man. im just so baffled. like am i the wrong one here? am i missing something?#ted lasso spoilers
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Im actually never forgiving Descendants: The Royal Wedding for being all silly goofy happy cartoon and then out of fucking NOWHERE just dropping "I really miss Carlos guys" HEY DISNEY WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM
#It's so fucking jarring#The entire episode up to that point was all goofy funny times and then#That#It also irks me cause they're clearly moving away from the core four with the next movie#I mean I HOPE so anyway#So what was the point of killing him off at all you could've just left him alive NOTHING would change#Like it's an animated mini movie you could easily find a VA that sounds like him#Or if you really didn't wanna do that#Put him in some sort of situation that causes him to be away from the wedding#Maybe he sends a letter or something idk#Like why kill him if you were already ending the core four's story there and moving on to new characters#And like don't get me wrong they SHOULD move away from the core four#Do not fucking touch them anymore unless it's little cameos#The entire reason they initially canceled D4 was because they didn't wanna go on without Cameron#So if they were to go back on that and kill him off so they could keep making movies that would be disrespectful as FUCK#D4 probably a cash grab but I am glad they went the creative route and decided to explore other parts of the universe#Instead of clinging onto the group that's missing a cast member#I just#Man#You could've left him alone Disney you really didn't have to do that#And in the worst way possible too#descendants#peg speaks
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Hey so, like, not to be super critical of a piece of media that has a lot of toxic tropes and messages in it but like. I Do Not like Nesta's whole power character arc like
Gains power from a cauldron when after she's drowned (awesome, literally a witch they couldn't drown)
2. Visibly intimidates others (lol Rhysand)
3. Gets a cool mentorship (friendship) with another magical and feared character (Amren)
Okay at this stage you have a Cool Character, what now?
She's depressed and not paying attention to her powers. Fair! She literally just survived a war.
Oh wait her old mentor now suddenly thinks she's a waste despite saying previously to give Nesta time (hm, weird, okay).
They now don't want her to learn more about her powers (too threatening) give her a sword to solve her problems!
She is now handed over to an abusive asshole, while in a vulnerable state, to learn something new. (The asshole is Cassian btw.)
They fuck (?????? Romance ?????????)
Brief interlude to introduce the very evil and very promising evil prince who's like. Hey your powers are cool we could kick ass together.
Hm, no. Power of the Sword. (Is this a phallic thing that dick makes everything better??????)
??????? She now wants to become a mother ???????? Anyways the powers are gone and she is no longer a threat! No longer on equal standing! She's broken in, she is now acceptable :)
Anyways I find it really weird that it goes from potential female friendship with Amren to being shoved under the training (and by extension authority) of her male "romance" partner.
I think Sarah J Maas has an unhealthy thing with women only gaining validation through male approval and training. Like. Why can't they learn from other women? Her power now depends on Cassian (kinda like how Feyre's power depends on Rhysand, how Rhysand gave Morrigan her position, etc. etc.)
Also why does all power have to be physical. Boring.
#I feel like this leans very dangerously into the conservative religious beliefs that women must be guided by men but!#Idk Maas' religion enough to come at it from that angle#This post is word vomit because I am angry about a lot of things in this series and I kept wanting to rant about something else#anyways#pro nesta#in case it wasn't clear I love her#anti cassian#reason: he's a loser#remember#if a man yells and follows you on the street and ignores what you have to say that isn't romance#anti sjm#if I missed any anti tags let me know and I'll throw them on here so people on the other side of the argument don't get my rambles#on their feed
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see now me personally ... id love to hear all of your thoughts about mdk and v1. i love thoughts abt media i looove when ppl ramble
my v1mdk discussion and justification is a wild, crumbled maze of "layers" of insane ramblings about humanity in ultrakill and skeletons and robots and the character's specific roles in the narrative, none of which properly connect to anything, none of which mean anything, and none of which make too much sense because im not the greatest at analysis and attempting to explain things, and on top of this is a very simple conclusion of "wouldnt it just be nice if love could still quietly exist even in the worst pits of hell, even if it was just briefly. and wouldnt it be really fucking funny if it was with mysterious druid knight"
#my real answer is i wanted to do a comic about my feelings of it one day with my 6 layers of meta commentary or whatever but#the last layer is an understanding that it doesnt need 5 pages of explaining and justification to mean something#and that it can just exist as it is and be worth something as it is#so i feel making a comic explaining might miss the point#or maybe it wouldnt. who knows#idk. i am not a smart man. dont listen to me :P#vm.txt
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The fact Elon seems utterly convinced that if he keeps adding more and more verified-exclusive bs to twitter then users will give him money instead of just. Stopping using the site. Is honestly laughable
#drag rambles#yes this is in reference to the apparent new limit on how many tweets you can see per day#SEE. NOT SEND. SEE.#man is chasing off a shitton of the user base#for. nothing#what is going on I stg#LIKE IDK AM I MISSING SOMETHING /gen#cause this just seems stupid no matter what way you look at it 😭#it's not like verified people can scroll past endlessly either I don't think??#like I'm p sure they also have a limit?? it's just higher??#idk
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there’s this moment early on in the first episode of needle and thread where brennan looks over zehra’s shoulder at something written in her notes, points at it, and they giggle about it together quietly for a moment, and that one little interaction lives rent free in my head 24/7
#idk man just something about the little blink-and-you’ll-miss-it above game ttrpg tablemate moments that make me feel so incredibly fond#like they’re there to tell the most tragic story of all time#but there’s so much joy and fun and delight still just in telling stories together#i miss playing tabletop games so bad#i know someone has giffed it but i cannot for the life of me find it#also. yes i am rewatching needle and thread. what of it#candela obscura#circle of needle and thread#brennan lee mulligan#zehra fazal
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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so, except for that one painting i still wanna finish im gonna tone down the OC stuff again, zelda work resumes now (°ー°〃)
#ganondoodles talks#if i was skilled enough to just do eintire sketch pages and half comics#im sure it would be more liked#but man am i not able to do that#i feel like i need to rethink every design too bc i just feel im missing something crucial#and writing lore out like i did feels so much more “cringe”#like idk drawing a comic or writing a full story about the tragic past of a character with all context youd have at that point#works alot better than talking about it in bullet point format#thats what i mean#the rough draft is gonna take a bit still .. and all the rewrite stuff is still in my head#its all there but getting it all out is hard especially with time#feeling like im constantly letting people down and losing a race over and over bc im never that articulated or organized as mayn others#everything is chaos about my works no matter how well working it is in my head
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"It's not easy to get blood out of a wedding dress… don't ask me how I know that."
#decided to color it in paper#wanted to color it or digitalize it in IbisPaintX but nahh (maybe in the future)#been so long since I colored something but man I miss drawing or making sfm T-T (this an old sketch)#can't actually make anything else because am actually catching up my dues xddd#but yeahhh other than that Nick in a wedding dress hehe#a bloody and rugged one as well#its because of that quote that made me decided to make this hhhh#and idk how to draw wedding dresses nor any dresses I suck at it xddd#//#l4d2#left 4 dead 2#l4d2 nick#l4d2 fanart#left 4 dead 2 fanart#fanart#fan art#fanwork#traditional art#artist on tumblr#my art#my artwork
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in the Barnaby plush ad, theres a segment where Howdy says Barnaby can protect from invaders and the mail man...
was that Eddie? am I going crazy?? I just didn't sound like him to me (Eddie's accent is definitely thicker and voice a little deeper too) and I thought I'd get some opinions here
#i'm still kind of on the trail of thought of Eddie is going to be missing in the future#which would lead everyone to spiral#but idk if the VA was doing something different or what#its just to me it didn't sound like Eddie lol#welcome home#welcome home barnaby#welcome home eddie#ALSO BARNABY SCARING AWAY THE MAIL MAN. AM I JUST LOOKING TO DEEP INTO THIS???
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buttered noodles 💫💛🍜
#just me hi#it's just a Lot of butter cuz i don't like having pasta sauce w/ parmesan (something wrong w/ that idk hfbshv) so :3#i was thinking of putting garlic in it but idk if that would be good... do i wanna take the risk.. i mean you can't really go wrong with#garlic... Hmmmm....#//oh yea i am definitely gonna switch up my main blog theme ehe :3#and maybe my rb blog's theme too cuz i liked it when the colours were matching lol#maaaybe to blue.. i don't remember if i've ever had a blue theme so this might be the first blue theme ehe :3#i just like to have an Image for the banner so i need to figure out what i'd like that to be.. hmnmnmnmnm!#//alright you know what i'm gonna put garlic in this one second lolll#okay i put black pepper and garlic in it's not too bad :)#prolly shoulda put more salt in too cuz i'm craving it. salt <3#/having spaghetti cuz the meal is actually supposed to be eggs and i cannot have that lol#some people are upset about this! like my dad. and my brother who is making the food lmfsh#i didn't know food was being made i am innocent in this !! probably anyway#like nobody is more displeased by this than me dude. i wish people could actually like. describe what some foods taste like so that i could#actually see why they like them#but you ask and they say 'what are you talking about? it's just egg' but 'Just Egg' SUCKS dude what is Your Egg like. pretty please kfshvjg#and grapefruit? grapefuit sucks but my mom likes it and i can't understand Why#and i wanna ask what it's actually like and why she likes it but she only says 'idk it's good with salt' what does that MEAN#how does the taste change?? how would you describe it before that ? clearly it was good enough before the salt or you wouldn't have tried i#with that!! i just wanna know !!!!!#dark chocolate ?? Please ??? do you like the taste of restrained anger and resentment cuz that's what it tastes like lmao ???#Coffee ??????? i can't understand coffee without a bajillion tons of sugar (+ other things) masking the taste how do you. Deal#not even deal- Enjoy !! how are you enjoying it !!! Why !!!! and why does everyone think i'm trying to convince them it's bad when i ask#LMAO--#like i'm not trying to say it's bad i'm trying to figure out how it's good please. Please Man lmfvshjfvhgfks#okay so clearly i have thoughts on all that LMfvshgjhfs#bitter stuff sucks and i barely like sour stuff Sometimes. food is all around good though so lol 👍#//alr i'm gonna. [starts scooching away]#i am almost out of tags (rip unlimited tags i miss you so bad hfsvh <3) edit: i ran out LMFVHS ; TOODLES !!
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i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again
sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now
Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.
And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.
and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.
no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.
and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.
im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.
and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently
in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.
there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.
no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.
#you know it's funny#i still feel this way but the moment i wrote this#on tiktok one of my friends that was there for most of my times followed my secret tiktok account and#the friend that i lost last year checked my account and#i hope she fucking knows how much that means to me#because i always felt like she hstes me but i still deeply feel she cares abf me and silently looks out for me and i feel so sorry#bc in the past 4 days she has checked my account multiple times and idk man#i truly feel like she sees that im struggling i appreciate it a lot#but i could never tell her that because what if im wrong and also#i dont fit in that friendship anymore#but im still really greatful#for checking up on me even like this#*most of my life#noticed a typo#idk anyways i just really needed to scream this into the void. I didn't want to be so sad today. i just scrolled instagram to numb myself#all day. but i got off my phone it was terrible. idk. i feel im not sure i can get my shit together by monday#im sick of having to fall apart and build myself up every fucking day man. and each day i literally wake up telling myself affirmations#trying to convince myself that its oka#it will be okay at least when u are home at night. wait for that moment everyday but. im tired of waiting for night to be happy man.#i have 30 mins to either post that fuckin video and make a fool of myself bc i told myself i need to post it on the 19th. but idk man. Im#terrified it will only disappoint me. people will make fun of me. idk man. its not that funny is it. or is it? how pathetic i am for clingi#g to the only hope in my life like a fucking abandoned dog man. but what can i do. i dont want to depend on you so much. but then who shoul#i depend on? if i depend on myself im just gonna kill myself man.idk. my grief is getting worse day by day. i still practice guitar everyda#hoping that maybe you will come back or something will come back. maybe mywill to live will come back? maybe the Instrument will play a not#that I can depend on? i dont really know what im looking for thats the worst. living is uncomfortable and dark. even when im smiling with m#friends i feel lost.there's something i feel like they know and i dont. when they could name their favorite colors in kindergarten i alread#knew something was different abt me.its really isolating.not having a clue of who am i.i keep saying im finding myself more and more but tb#i still in a way like im always wearing a costume. i wonder how naked id have to be to find myself. sorry for word vomitting.it maybe helps#anyways acchan i miss you.this world feels really stale without you.i wish I could truly show how much I love you with my words or life but#i dont really think it makes a difference.my voice really doesnt matter that much in the end.maybe im too much
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