#am i making any fucking sense
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I know I'm the only one who thinks this, but uh...
I don't really think Astarion looks that great in Orin's meat suit.
Like he wears it better than me, for sure, but uh.
I don't know. I think Orin wears it best. She was serving better cunt. I wonder if Karlach would look good in this...but...something's not right here.
I feel like he has better outfits than this.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#maybe its cuz like#the curve of the stomach works better with the wider hips and he's very straight down?#not sure#you like look at it and you think this should be super hot because its revealing#but it like#doesnt quite have feng shui#am i making any fucking sense#if i am#someone explain it better
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once again posting a reminder (very gently, when you consider how fucking frustrated i am) that i am anti-kff! there are otherkin terms that people can use and, instead of educating themselves on this, they actively CHOOSE to belittle and bully otherkin folks, all while being a teensy tiny little bit ableist in how they go about it. its not a "erm these people are just minding their business and they're ALSO kin anyway" NO they are NOT. they are, by very fucking definition, either 'hearted or 'link (IF their connection is genuine ANYWAYS). that is NOT. KIN. and its kinda fucking telling if you think a community whose entire existence hinges on deliberate ignorance and harassment of a group is equal to the group theyre harassing and bastardising the terms and experiences of
#am i making ANY FUCKING SENSE#i swear to GOD#"dni antikin (this includes anti-kff) no the FUCK it does NOT#because kff ISNT. KIN#JESUS FUCKING! CHRIST!!!#kff “kins” are LINKTYPES and HEARTTYPES most often (again. if theyre not just being hashtag quirky on the internet)#also please please fuck off if you use the word “k/nn/e” i dont even care if you arent kff just. please go away#im stressed as balls man i dont like having to think about shit that stresses me out and annoys me but here i am! thinking about it!#this isnt directed at anyone btw i just keep seeing “omg this character is one of my biggest kins (kff)” and im so fucking tired of it#its mainly on tiktok anyways so im kinda shouting at air but fuck off#and like even when i see other ACTUAL otherkin/nonhuman/alterhuman folks say “oh yeah i 'kin' this character for fun”#it makes me so aggressively uncomfortable cause just. use 'link' man#use 'click' or 'heart'#stop Doing That cause thats not a fucking kintype and you are contributing to the problem (though minorly compared to other stuff)#theres also this one server wherein people would act and talk about their hearttypes as if they were kintypes despite outright saying -#- THEMSELVES “oh yeah this is a hearttype”#do you know what a fucking hearttype is?#are you stupid?
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the way he rolls his R's when he's first trying to say it reminds me of those cats that trill when they meow
#like when they go mggrah! mmmrrrah! mrah!#am i making any fucking sense#also malarkey is indeed a very fun word
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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while teen while goblin while aroace while injured while doing your best
#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#riz gukgak#figueroth faeth#sklonda gukgak#dimension 20#this. mmmmhhh this is so. I did Not know how to draw this really.#I am very normal about riz (<- lying)#it's a brennan-dm d20 campaign the bad guy is always capitalism (I am saying this with clenched teeth)#riz out of all of them being aroace fucks with me SO bad. bc its also established that elmsville specifically and probably the#majority of solace is not. made for goblins. and that becomes sklonda being worked to the bone and pok dying on the job#and riz spending all his time trying to keep his friends together. maybe to the point of it being injurous#like. do u get what I mean. its an economy of time it takes your time it eats up your time#not just the gukgaks but everyone you have to spend time to get to live and you don't have a lot of time left in a day#and you have to spend it carefully. you have to prioritize#you're somewhere without an established community and companionship is bought with your time spent working#this place doesn't take care of you. at the end of the day who do you have who'd prioritize you. do you understand me#the evolved aroace loathing where if your friends and family are granted more time nobody would have to choose. we live in a society#holds ur hand we live in a society. idk if Im making any sense#anyway . uhhh riz is my favourite that's my statement thank you for listening. au revoir
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"Heavens, he doesn't understand again." "Every time he says 'I don't understand', Lui-shixiong grabs someone to demonstrate until he understands..." Ji Jue quietly complained to Shang Qinghua. No wonder the injuries at Bai Zhan Peak had only increased!
so this is obviously Liu Qingge's entire love language, right?
#svsss#liushen#liu qingge#shen qingqiu#shang qinghua#lqg#sqq#sqh#this scene was a work of art#shen ''tactical peak lord'' qingqiu is here a) farming friendship points b) improving his cultivation and#c) getting back at the bai zhan disciples for bullying *his* disciples in a very subtle way#meanwhile liu qingge is presumably twirling his hair and blushing because shixiong in seeking him out for intentional sparring practice#and rather than getting upset or bitchy about losing hes intentionally stopping and asking for lqg's expertise and opinion? lqg is SWOONING#these poor disciples but also this is the cutest scene and i really really love it#like okay i actually am understanding why lqg acts the way he does around sqq in the rest of the series now#meanwhile sqh is trying to figure out if Scum Villain Shen Qingqiu has a) lost all his memories or is b) Plotting Something Sinister#cause that's the only thing that makes any fucking sense here#my art
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"Op is Binghe" this "who gave Binghe a tumblr" that
NO!!!! I AM NOT LUO BINGHE!!!!
Luo Binghe is a BITCH baby masochist submissive omega looking ass. No game. No skill.
And I am the super cool troubled alcoholic that people consider dating to get back at their parents AND I know how to use lube at least. Unlike SOME dumbass shizun married
"Ohh I treat shizuns body with care" well thats your mistake binghe put me in the same room as shen yuan and I am violating him ways that cannot even be conceived . I should be married to shizun it'd so unfair
#Also as I'm typing this out I know this sounds like Bingge so don't you DARE say anything I am not ANY binghe !!!!#obligatory “may not make sense im high as fuck” tag#svsss#shen yuan#i love shizun#luo binghe#bingqiu#binghe allegations
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MAN THAT REALLY COLORS THIS RESPONSE IN THIS CONVERSATION SO DIFFERENTLY FOR ME
#bg3#like here my silly ass that doesn't know shit was thinking 'wow i'm actually surprised he's pretty chill with this'#JOKES ON ME I'M BOOBOO THE FOOL#IT'S P R O B A B L Y MORE LIKELY THAT HE JUST ASSUMES IT WON'T LAST AND HE HAS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT#WOW............DAMN............GOT ME#CAUGHT ME SLIPPIN CAUSE I AM A LORE NOVICE HERE....................................#like SURE you could ASSUME that astarion would be flippant about having multiple partners like why wouldn't the flirty one be that way righ#but no no no there's much to think about here i'm unpacking the fucking layers i can feel my mind peeling like an onion#woag mama#i'm not articulate today b/c brain fog but i hope that made any sense#and hey maybe I'M even making assumptions but calling it a 'harmless affair' just.....that hits different#astarion
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despite being more often than not a "rules as written" fan over "rule of cool", i really do love me a good "rules be damned, i'll give you this awesome moment" call. like matt giving fcg the otohan kill despite what her hp was at or brennan giving cerrit an extra mage slayer reaction attack at the end of calamity. honestly, if anything, i think the fact they mostly play by the book makes these moments even better because it really has that extra weight towards those decisions to put the rules aside.
#critical role#cr spoilers#i can't get over how crazy it was though. genuinely an incredible moment.#like tbh i was too entranced by the Incredible move sam made to cry or anything. i was so hype for how awesome it was.#it was perfect#but yeah usually whenever i see the dm advice of 'dont track a boss's hp just go off the Vibes' i get annoyed by it#but this was such an exception that i am SO glad that matt did it#im just fucking throwing words out there at rhis point i have no idea if any of my words make sense ever but#im trying to express how much i love this and its mostly just absolute nonsense
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Light's relationship with his father is such a heartbreaking multi-faceted tragedy to me I hate it so so so much.
Soichiro loves his son so much, and while he's certainly not a perfect father I know that he cares deeply about Light. He wants to prove Light's innocence so badly but he can't let go of the underlying doubt that he might really be Kira and it gnaws at him. He does not know that from the very beginning he was being used by Light, whether it was to obtain information about the investigation, or to get to L, or to strengthen the foundations of his own lie that he wasn't Kira, this entire time he was simply another resource. He'll hang onto this doubt for years, even after L is dead, even if he doesn't express it in the latter half of the series, until he himself is on his deathbed, with what he believes to be undeniable proof that Light isn't Kira. (It's a lie, of course.) He dies happy, but it's on the foundations of blissful ignorance. His own son brought him here, brought him to the point where he had to sacrifice half of his own remaining life span, to his own death march, and was still trying to use him even now to kill someone else, but he doesn't know that. Soichiro said that what was evil was the power to kill others, and that whoever used it was cursed. Light was that cursed man, of course, and he tried to bring that curse onto Soichiro too by making him kill in his last moments. Soichiro was happy regardless, because he didn't know. He'll never know. (In the manga/anime at least. More on that later).
Light loves his father but it's not enough to turn him away from the terrible decisions he's made, if anything it only fuels them. His idea of "justice" is a twisted model of what he parroted from Soichiro, and he uses his father as another pawn (and a powerful one at that) in his plans. If he can prove that Kira is justice then perhaps his father will no longer call Kira, and therefore Light, evil, so he just needs to ensure that Kira becomes justice, right? It's Light's own actions that land his own father in the hospital for a stress-induced heart attack and yet he says only a few minutes later that he's the happiest he's ever been in his entire life. Even after Soichiro denounces Kira by calling him evil, even after he calls the Death Note's power evil, even after he unknowingly tells Light that he is cursed. When Soichiro dies Light is too deep in his own plans to actually properly process the fact that his own father is dying past what it means for his goals, but at the same time he still cares enough that after the fact he'll genuinely cry, only to brush it all away later. (Personally, I don't have a single doubt in my mind that Light's crying in that scene was genuine and I Will die on this hill). Soichiro had unknowingly denounced Light one last time just before his death, openly relieved that he "wasn't Kira after all", which also reveals that he has had doubts about Light this entire time, even after L died. By the time he's caught at the Yellow Box Warehouse Light will have denounced his father too, seeing him as someone who was made to be a fool, someone who was naive, even, too earnest for his own good. He won't realize that part of this description of his father might have applied to Light himself, back when this all started. Light takes after his father so much in so many ways already, so why not in this way too?
Ough. And honestly the other adaptations never miss out on this tragedy either, and I love them for that. (spoilers for the musical and 2006 live action movies I guess?)
In the musical we see Soichiro express his doubts and conflicts about who to believe, Light or L, if the son he raised really is a murderer, if everything he knows about him is just a lie. Like, there's an entire song about this, and you can tell how torn he is about it all, how badly he wants Light to be innocent but about how he also needs to face the truth no matter what it is, but at the end of it all he doesn't even get the answers he wants. At the end of the musical the only thing he finds is two corpses, Light's and L's, with no answers. No last words, no closure, only dead ends and a dead son and a grieving daughter. It's so awful I hate it here.
And the live action movie is fucking Insane. Like, wow. Okay. (Spoiler for the ending of Death Note The Last Name I guess) In the 2006 movies/novels Light writes Soichiro's name in the Death Note himself, and it's such an inconcievable move that it leaves even Misa shocked; Light tries to make Soichiro give him the Death Note for the last part of his plans, seeing his death as a "necessary sacrifice" (insert tangent essay about why I think 2006 live action movie Light is actually the most "coldhearted" Light Yagami, despite how infamous anime Light is). It doesn't work, and Soichiro does end up finding out that Light is Kira this time, and they have a confrontation, but he doesn't even sound truly hateful towards Light for it. He Never seems to outright hate Light for it, even after Light calls the whole confrontation a waste of time and instead tries to continue killing with the piece of the notebook in his watch, even after he tries to get Ryuk to kill everyone. When Ryuk inevitably writes Light's name and he collapses, Soichiro still reaches out for him and holds onto him as he's dying. Light literally dies in Soichiro's arms, still looking for the validation that he was right, that this wasn't all for nothing, that he was doing the good thing, trying to make Soichiro understand that he was trying to enact justice based on what he learned from him in the first place. Soichiro not only learns but sees for himself what his son has become, and Light dies in his arms leaving no closure for either of them. Soichiro will announce Light's death in L Change the WorLd on the news without saying his name, saying instead that it is only Kira who is dead, even though he and Light are one in the same. Sachiko and Sayu will never get to know the full truth about what happened to Light, instead Soichiro will lie and instead tell them: "Light was killed by Kira."
And then holy Shit the jdrama. If I write about it here this post is gonna literally double in length and also I don't really wanna spoil it but. Man. Man. If you watched it you know. Holy Shit dude I Cried.
It's the fact that, canonically, Soichiro will die oblivious to what Light has done, but even in the instances where he does find out, it doesn't make it any better, and it doesn't make him love Light any less, it just gives him more to grieve.
It's the fact that there isn't a single universe where Light doesn't use his father for his own gain, whether to gain information, or to try and control him with the Death Note, or make him write in the Death Note himself, and not a single time will he realize just how far he's strayed from Soichiro's ideals, and not a single time will he not forsake him for it by the end of the story.
It's the fact that, despite everything, Light will always refers to Soichiro as "dad/my dad" (informal) rather than "father/my father", even after he has been "denounced" (and this is true in every language that Death Note has been translated in, as far as I could find. Man, isn't that so cool! :) <- Through tears).
Anyways that's what I've been thinking of how's your guys' days going
#death note#dn#death note jdrama#death note live action#death note musical#i guess i can tag those#light yagami#soichiro yagami#coda analyzes stuff#i wrote like 90% of this at like 5 am because i was trying to sleep but then a Light Yagami Thought occured#i can't stop i can't stop the stupid analyses#my drafts are slowly piling with them make it stop helpppp#i hate this fucking series !! augh#ohhh shit this post is like 1.4K words long i am actually like so sorry if you read this whole thing through damn#i don't know if this is coherent i had to proofread this over several times but i still don't know if it makes any sense#and i don't feel like proofreading it another time. welp. hits post
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"We tried." "Not hard enough."
9-1-1 (2018-)
#you might be asking yourself hey what the fuck#i am also asking myself this very question#something something healing generational trauma something something breaking the cycle#i don't know okay i just want to scream#tv: 911#hen wilson#eddie diaz#maddie buckley#howard chimney han#evan buck buckley#mythtakensgif#henwilsonedit#eddiediazedit#maddiebuckleyedit#evanbuckleyedit#chimneyhanedit#911edit#daily118#pretend this coloring makes any sense
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gordon freeman plays super punch out
#hlvrai#hlvrai fanart#half life but the ai is self aware#dr bubby#tommy coolatta#benrey#dr coomer#i am praying this uploads correctly#and also please ignore how it wouldnt make any sense for them to be on a crt tv#i just thought the visual was cool i unno#and also also#fun fact bubbys pose was directly referenced off pf an image of shadow the hedgehog#blues art#also sorry for all the compression fuzz i hope it isnt too bad the gif was too massive for tumblr and the shady compression site fucked itu#tw flash
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okay. yes, i agree that putting children in low-protection, brightly colored suits to help him fight crime is not great BUT.
batman DID NOT indoctrinate them to be robin! those mfkers were doing that shit of their own volition. bruce tried SO FUCKING HARD to not let them endanger themselves but his kids wont stop trying to punch clowns. he was doing what he could so these dumbass kids wouldnt get themself killed (side-eyes jason) so most of these dumbass kids wouldnt get themselves killed
#batman#dc robin#batfam#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#stephanie brown#damian wayne#dc#idk if this makes ANY fucking sense i am SO tired#but you get my point right
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a 2 act tragedy starring me: i’ve been making fruit smoothies in the morning for a few days which has been great because it’s getting me to actually eat fruit for once, only to go on the internet and be told that it apparently releases all the natural sugars so it's actually Not that great for you and i am devastated
#ramble#i thought i was doing myself SO many favours#i ENJOY FRUIT i just don’t eat it for some reason related to adhd#context i am a long term ED sufferer so this kind of thing upsets me#honestly i don't care that much because it feels like it's better than Zero Fruit#can any dieticians put my mind at ease#someone explain how ‘the natural sugars are released and become Bad Sugar’ makes sense. like it’s all just the FRUIT#chanting to myself ‘there are no bad foods there are no bad foods there are no bad foods’#like the Nutrients are still there and some of the fibre is still there#tw ed#on a lighter note current fave is pineapple+orange#also kiwi which i didn’t think would be good#edit: WAIT YOU’RE RIGHT WOULDN’T THE SUGARS BE RELEASED THE EXACT SAME WAY BY JUST CONSUMING THE FRUIT. WHAT THE FUCK
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trying to find stuilly fics that aren’t tagged for homophobia/internalized homophobia is like being a lab rat in a little cage with no enrichment but there’s a single button in the corner that shocks you 98% of the time you press it but then sometimes it drops you a tasty little morsel down a chute. and since you’re a lab rat and you’re inherently a pleasure seeking mammal you’re gonna keep tapping that little fucking button and getting shocked because maybe one day there’s gonna be another morsel
#am I making any sense I feel like my brain is falling out of my ears rn#‘write ur own fics then’ I AM TRYING CHEF BUT I CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH#SOMEONE FUCKING HELP ME THE ORDERS ARE PILING UP IN THE WINDOW#AND I ONLY HAVE TWO HANDS#coyote’s den#stuilly#billy loomis x stu matcher#billy loomis#stu macher
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ill probably delete this in a minute but ive just been fuckin boggled by what ive seen across tumblr in the last few days in particular. its why i havent really been around. like holy fucking shit, its really like some of yall just dont want a chunk of the trans community to exist. like some of yall are thisclose to saying it verbatum. way too many already have. 'shut up sit down be quiet and smile for us' type shit, gee where have i heard that before. oh yeah my entire life cause i was forcefully gendered as someones daughter. shock horror i know. you might be surprised to remember and/or learn that very few trans folks know theyre trans before we're 5, or even 10, and that that gendered experience stays with all of us in both/either small or large ways. either bc we literally dont have a solid identity yet (bc we're very small children), dont have the words, we're repressing it out of fear from how others will treat us, we're actually enjoying or enjoyed being another gender in our childhood, or we just genuinely didnt fuckin know until shit lined up later in life. weird isnt it that transmascs dont pop out as 6'1 brick shithouse cis men when we're born so yall know for certain that we're confused lost girls/women oops i mean big dangerous scary men. its almost like we're transgender too. none of yall actually know what intersectionality is or means
#my t#transandrophobia#yeah ill tag it why tf not#i just dont understand why transmasculinity is scrutinized and dissected like this within the trans community#when its just not the case for other gendered trans folks amongst themselves more often than not these days#which is a good thing! a really really good thing! but why are we scapegoating transmascs#''we need more weird trans people!!'' yall cant even handle like. a pre-everything trans guy coming out for the first time#yall cant handle a pre-everything tguy wearing a tshirt without tearing him to shreds & calling him shit like afag/theyfab & ukelele boy#im tired of my identity being treated as a debate. i had enough of that in highschool as#very literally. **the only trans kid in my grade** surrounded by cis teachers & peers USING ME AND MY BODY AS A TALKING POINT#i was the only one who wasnt deeply closeted that is. and holy fuck do i still not blame anyone for being closeted in that school#why is it only okay to try to separate trans ppl from our gender when we're not fem/me#why is one celebrated and the other treated like radioactive waste **within our own community**#god i need to find an irl community fuckin badly online trans circles are hell on earth#ill be describing smth that happened to me as a clocky tguy and someone else will say TO MY FACE#that what happened to me wasnt bc i was a clocky guy but purely bc i was trans#like i. what. how. how does that make any kind of fucking sense#i wouldnt be clocky if i wasnt trying to look like my gender. like i. hello?#would u say that to any other trans person or am i just that special?
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