#am i gonna tag everything on this blog with 'long post'? probably
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so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr 2.2#hsr spoilers#hsr leaks#the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am#i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before#but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one#so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days#it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me#but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and#gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it#and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story#not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know#but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game#anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream#pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we#i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing#Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it#and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet#also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good#Seven.txt#viddy game stuff
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HEYO Y'ALL!!!! I got bored and decided my last intro post was WAY too unorganised (even by my standards frfr 😔😔🙏) so i made a new one!!! hopefully this ones a bit better or else ima light somebody on fire 🥰🥰
anyways dms n asks r ALWAYS open and if ur new to my person/being/blog/existancewhatevs and wanna get to know me or smth then FEEL FREE TO SLIDE IN GIRLYPOPS!!! I'M ALWAYS BORED SOO 😭😭🙏 (might take like, a billion years to reply tho mbmb >:3)
and thus again, without any further ado, MY INTRO POST 😍
🎶 try to strike a chord but it's probably A MINOR 🎶 -> ✨️im under 18✨️ idm nsfw convos tho bcuz theyre funny :D
sooo tbh you can call me whatever you want? like ppl call me different things (eg senka calls me kam, bea calls me keke/kekere bcuz shes 🎶a meanie, a big meanie🎶 my irl bestie westie pookie poo calls me jeena CUZ HES A LIL BITCH) but MHM!!! CALL ME WHATEVER U WANNA <33 (as long as it dont feel masc bcuz my dumbass got issues w feeling masc for some RANDOM STUPID REASON 💀) (like im literally a cis girl why do i got problems w this....... but YAAAA 😭) (she/her btw!!! if that wasnt obvious!! ^^)
✨️i am cringe but i am free✨️
I SOMETIMES USE GENDERED TERMS LIKE GIRLY/BRO/DUDE/ETC BUT I DON'T MEAN IT GENDERED SO IF YOU FEEL IFFY THEN DONT HESITATE TO HMU N TELL ME TO FIX UP MY SHIT
btw im a tad bit of train wreck but if u enjoy the chaos then we'll get along js fine i think pooks 😋😋
anyways it came to my shitty little attention span one day when i was just being a silly lil girly that some of yall think im white when i say im british....... CHAT NOOO IM BORN N RAISED IN THIS TEA RIDDEN COUNTRY BUT ETHNICITY WISE IM BANGLADESHI!??!?! YALL IM LITERALLY A BROWNIE OMFDS 🤧
also a lot of this blog is a bunch of reblogs of shit im interested in BUT I DO HAVE OG STUFFFFFF, THEY'RE JUST IN THEIR OWN TAGS U GET ME??? anyways some of the tags!!!
karmaajr rambles -> for everything i post besides answers to asks :3
karmaajr answers ig :D -> answers to asks ^^
important thing for me to tag bcuz yes -> random thing i really wanna save (also im bad at tagging so sometimes thing has an "s" or tag has an "s" lmfao, ITS A RLLY USELESS TAG TO TRY SCROLL THRU ICL.... RLLY DRY AS WELL)
karmas mum mentions :3 -> i like to think this one explains itself yall 😘
daddy's unhinged -> anything about my sweet ol' pops (who totes cares abt me yall) 🥰
my sister and I -> anything my sister is involved in that i actually remember to tag LMFAO
NOT MY ASS MENTIONING PANIK -> me wanting to save things that r to do w my gf 🫶
BTW HIS @ IS @panikbutt0n AND SHE'S MY MAPLE SYRUP CHUGGING 4LIFER AND LITERALLY THE BEST THING SINCE RIPPED BREAD AND I LOVE HER SO SO SO MUCH SO ACC HIT HER UP PLZ 🙏🙏🙏🙏
btw yall, ur homegirl aint no gatekeeper so the group matching pfp thingy is from @tuturthecarvroom 's blog (n they very skibidi sbg art btw so i do reccomend frfr) and mY HEADER IS OFF GOOGLE SEARCH 😍😍
ALSO I AM CURRENTLY MATCHING WITH THE SILLIEST GROUP EVER FRFR, GONNA TRY @ THEM ALL BUT IT'S HARDDD (my memory is the shittiest thing since That One Time my friend shit his trousers on call w me 💪💪💪)
@lee1504 -> BRAINROTTED KING 🙏🙏
@d011zk1ll -> both kind af and somewhat unhinged??? like both "do a good deed to make somebody else's life easier ☺️" AND "im gonna eat a bicycle :p"
@sketchingwithlyn -> JUST THE CHILLEST GUY EVERRRR!!!!
@rot-decay-erosion -> gramps 🧓🏻 (also known as the desendant of our king garfield 😙✨️)
@afrogwhocantdraw -> RESIDENT BENLOR POOKIE
@low-senka -> the brokest senior citezen youve ever met 💔💔💔💔 (yall need to donate to my guy 🥺🥺🥺)
(also the thing below had me stuck looking at it for literally AGES so hehehehehhehehe GET TRAPPED IDIOT!!!!!! >:3!!!!!)
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(dots r fun)
anyways i have no clue what else to write!!! which is weird bcuz im a yapper frfr :D
ANYWAYS LOVE Y'ALL ✨️✨️✨️
WAIT
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.......... ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ
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............................................................ ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ
...................................................................... ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ
THEY 👥 DONT🙅🏼♀️ LOVE 😘 YOU 🫵🏼 LIKE I 👀 LOVE 🥰 YOU 🫵🏼🫵🏼🫵🏼
#karmaajr rambles#important thing for me to tag bcuz yes#karmaajr answers ig :D#karmas mum mentions :3#my sister and i#daddy's unhinged#NOT MY ASS MENTIONING PANIK#anyways please tell me i did good on this yall 🙏🙏🙏🙏#yall i did good right-#PLSSS#CHAT 🙏🙏
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miss oranje's faves: self-recs edition
i'm not used to praising myself bc i am my biggest hater, not my biggest fan, but i was tagged by the lovely @gothcsz to participate in @jolapeno 's 'tootathon' challenge, and i originally was going to pass up the opportunity butttt i suppose i'll *try* to say nice things about myself but i love the people in this fandom so i always enjoy participating in the fun, particularly something that promotes positivity when fandoms can be so toxic sometimes. honestly, i might need to steal this idea and make a positivity challenge for the resident evil fandom (which is what i primarily write for) because we are in need of good vibes…
*because my blog is multi-fandom, my masterlist is getting big overall, so i'm going to link my javi fics and my joel fics (along with my liztober '24 because there are a couple other pedro character fics on there)
i haven't been a part of the pedro pascal fandom for long, so my work here is limited, but i will share a few things:
it's never over (javi p x reader) - a two part fic (part one is from javi's perspective, part two is from reader's)
I really liked the concept for this fic and it was something that I wrote bits and pieces of for a while. I tried to change it to a single pov because i think i’m not someone who does well with pov switches like this, but it never captured the full scope of the story i wanted to tell when i tried to make it only javi’s or only reader’s. Ultimately, while i’d like to add onto this fic because i would like to expand upon reader’s pov, i like the story that i told in the end (i love angst). Maybe there will be a part 3…
2. and for dessert? (javi p x reader) - a short, mildly smutty story about javi and a housekeeper at a hotel
i hated this fic for a while because i got caught up in the numbers but i reread it last night and i was like, ‘okay, the concept is incredibly silly, but i guess in some way, that’s the point’. Anyway, when i looked back and stopped focusing on the numbers, i realized that i actually really like this fic, and probably wouldn’t change anything about it.
3. anniversary antics (joel x reader) - joel and his wife getting it on ... heavy breeding kink here
i wrote this in an hour or so. it just came to me. straight from the smutty brain (which is rare). this is one of the few fics of mine that i re-read and actually think 'oh this is hot'!
4. everything's bigger in texas (joel x reader) - for my liztober celebration! reader loses her virginity to joel and it's a sweet and short smut.
this is my second most popular tumblr post of all time (so it doesn’t need promo here), which is very funny because i almost didn't post this at all. i thought the size kink might be too basic and overdone but i also really wanted to write an 'older' reader as i have a tendency to write younger readers (which is partially because i am 24 and have never been older than 24 vs i have been 21 etc.) and i wanted to get away from the typical innocent virgin thing.
and also, we're gonna get personal here... i'm pretty sure i have vaginismus and so it's really really difficult to have sex. i've been shamed or questioned rather than reassured during situations where i struggle or am entirely unable to. reader in this fic was not specified to have vaginismus because i was trying to keep it light and smutty, flipping it around into a size kink, but it was a bit healing to write tbh.
I’m pretty sure everyone has already been tagged but i’ll tag some of my mutuals just in case:
@clawdee @evolnoomym @baronessvonglitter @the-mandawhor1an
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Alright this is going to be a very long post, but I’m going to make it here because I have to place down some ✨boundaries✨ because y’all can’t seem to behave on this damn app.
Last night was not okay. Period. I hope you all know that I do this for fun. I work 8 hours a day, and when I get home and want to have fun here. And when I get messages harassing me because of many things, it takes the fun out of it and makes me absolutely not want to be here.
I do apologize if I sound defensive and mean. I have a very hard time reading tone through text, so sometimes I can’t tell if you’re joking with me or being absolutely genuine. I’ve had a really bad history of harassment on here so I really take no shit when it comes rudeness.
That being said we’re gonna have some discussion about things that were said last night.
1. Asks. Anon will not be on until further notice. It seems because you can hide yourself you can come in and yell at me, be rude, etc. Nope not anymore. If I do not answer your ask immediately it could be many different things. I could want to draw something in response so it might take a bit, I could be at work, I could not have the right response at the moment and need to think about it, or I just don’t want to answer. I am not entitled to reply. I am only human, and I don’t know why some of you don’t have the empathy to think that, and send things that make me upset.
2. The Story. I’m sorry, but in the ao3 tags it does say ‘retelling’ aka a retelling of the Wizard of Oz in MY own way. It’s not anything new, so if you’re upset that I might have it end the same way the movie/the musical/ the book ends, then maybe this fic isn’t for you. I made this because I wanted to share my own twist on things, and don’t get me wrong I love each and every comment. It makes my day, but at the end of the day it’s my writing. It’s my choices. And if you don’t like it, simply don’t read. I’ve backed out on many good fics just because I didn’t like certain aspects. Doesn’t mean they’re suddenly terrible. It’s just not my cup of tea.
3. Characters. Certain characters will have certain endings. It’s really sad when I say I only have 3 chapters left of this fic and everyone already thinks they know the characters fate. I had a plan, a tentative one to make a sequel where everything is new and doesn’t go by the formula of the the movie, but at this rate if you all just want to yell and whine at me because things don’t go the way you want them to, I probably won’t write it. That being said, if a characters fate goes one way, let it be. It’s fiction. Not real. I have this happen for a reason, and arguing with me won’t change it. It will just frustrate me. So please respect that.
That’s pretty much all I can think to say. Just remember to be kind here. I’m a person, not a machine who just pumps out writing. I’m not getting paid to do this, I am doing this for fun and want to HAVE fun on here. I won’t delete this blog but if it ever gets like that again, I might.
My mental health is far more important than some silly blog on here that was meant to just post my art and talk about things that I love.
I appreciate all the nice comments and replies being said, and I hope everyone does have a good day. I’m sorry I had to put the adult pants on, but things really needed to be said here.
#ankh speaks#so yeah#I didn’t get any sleep due to this whole thing#I was so worried and freaked out#ugh#it’s not worth the effort but here I am#please respect this#and please be kind to others around you#you don’t know what they’re going through and I’m sure you wouldn’t want someone being mean to you here#golden rule guys#I live by it#treat people how you want to be treated#period
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shipsnthenight -> kalin7art
So... hi. I need to talk to you guys for a bit.
In the span of 48 hours, I as a European, watched as 180 million people were subjected to the most blatant, political and propagandistic stunt ever pulled from a self-described "democratic government" in modern history, and I can't pretend that what is happening is not a mirror (with different platforms of course) of how it started in Italy in 1922, or in Germany in 1933.
It makes me sick. Physically sick to my stomach.
I am Italian, as some of you know, and I have heard from my grandparents' own mouths what it was like to live under a dictatorship. It's a topic that hits very close to home for me, and seeing what has happened to TikTok since it came back up for Americans is 100% proof that THAT is his (you know who I'm talking about) endgame.
Even if I'm not an American, I can't keep living my life pretending that all of this is not happening. At least on the internet, the very least I can do is try to distance myself as much as possible from the blatant propaganda, and that now includes twitter, TikTok and all the Meta platforms as well.
Sadly, as a European I can't let go of WhatsApp because 99% of people uses it here even for work, but with everything else I'd like to try and see if I can exist without needing those platforms.
I guess what I'm trying to say is... ...hi! I'm an old-guard milliennial who'd like to be let back in here please.
I haven't really used this account properly since 2017, so I'll have to learn some new tumblr etiquette, I guess.
Also, 2017 was a long time ago, so... here's a list of the things you'll probably see me post about:
My art (ranging from official book covers I've worked on for italian editors, to fanarts from the fandoms written here below, some of my own stuff, and also fantasy/dark-fantasy and sci-fi characters)
Everything LGBTQ+
Arcane LOL/Caitvi (I don't play lol but love to learn the lore)
Mass Effect Trilogy
Baldur's Gate
Elden Ring / Soulsborne
Blue Eye Samurai
Horizon (game)
TLOU (game + show)
HOTD + GoT
Pokémon
Video games in general
Some TV shows and movies but not as much as I used to watch
Taylor Swift (WHERE IS REPTV SIS COME ON)
In the next few days I'll probably spam y'all with some drawings, just to get this old blog up and running again. I'll also try and use bluesky if I remember to do so, you can find me there at kalin7art.
Ngl... feels like coming home <3
I'm gonna tag this with my favorite ships and stuff you're most likely to see me post art of, so if you see this in the tags and you wanna drop a follow, I got you.
#caitvi#shiara#caitlyn kiramman#femshep#malenia blade of miquella#shadowheart#karlach cliffgate#league of legends#taylor swift
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Okay listen hoes.
I’ve been surfing these anti Danneel, anti Jenneel, anti this and anti that tags for like… over a year. I’ve always been watching from the sidelines with my lil bag of popcorn, given an anon ask every now and again to other blogs, but never bothered to make a post about it. Because I didn’t think it was relevant, correction, I didn’t think Elta was relevant enough to make a venting post about — which is why I’m baffled as to why she even has stans — but also I just figured in the long run, none of our speculations, opinions or posts about this lady mean anything to anyone.
Actually, I may be incorrect there, as the AA’s may butcher me, or worse… Danneel may get Cliff to make another post… sheesh!
But anyway, seeing this latest Wales con, I got a real bad case of FOMO and decided I wanna bitch on tumblr as well (no hate to the bitches, I love scrolling through everyone bitching about the ‘perfect’ couple)
Here’s my take on everything, even tho no one asked:
Yes, it is painfully, horribly, excruciatingly obvious that those two don’t even like each other let alone love each other.
But I’ve seen some people and blogs talk about Danneel physically abuse Jensen, which I just don’t personally believe — each to their own opinion, though — but I just personally haven’t seen any evidence or receipts of that being true. Emotional abuse, yes, verbal abuse, definitely. But physical is something I ain’t gonna say I think is happening.
Danneel’s a bitch, as we all know, as the stans like to pretend isn’t true. But I really don’t think Jensen’s a saint or a victim — and I say he isn’t a victim only because in the end, looking over the financial consequences and the custody of the kids thing that would come with a divorce, she has little hold over him. He has the fame, the money, and what do you wanna bet that all of the Elta followers would do a 180 on their ‘Kween’ if Jensen ever spoke up about anything? And by no means am I suggesting that men can’t be victims before anyone jumps down my throat, I’m just saying that Jensen has the capability to fight back to her or leave her if he wanted to.
But he won’t, because — and I’m bracing myself for the hate I’ll get for this — he’s also kind of a narcissist and a liar!!! 😱😱😱 surprised I’m still writing and wasn’t just assassinated on the spot for saying that lols! Dare I say… he’s just as bad as Danneel in some aspects? That he has pretty privilege? Though not so much anymore since he and Danneel have clearly started doing couples Botox sessions. Wooof I’m really pushing my luck.
Trailed off a lil there, but what I was supposed to say is that he won’t because he’s embedded some kind of belief into his mind that his career will crash and burn if he doesn’t have his perfect ‘family man’ image. Even though let’s be honest about two things, your marriage is probably doing more harm than good to your image, and buddy, you’re a c-list actor who’s acting range is zero to none — I mean, he couldn’t stand playing anyone other than Dean Winchester that he tried, and failed, to make a spin off of Supernatural just so he got to play a brooding, macho hunter again. Though look how that turned out — your career isn’t some sacred artefact that can’t dare even be scratched, all he does these days is make money from cons, and a very occasional cameo playing as Dean in a different font. I’m worried the dude has Foreign Accent Syndrome but with Dean Winchester — as in he’s done it for that long that its irreversibly in his consciousness, to the point Danneel has to tell him to stop being Dean at home (sure she got a dig out of him mentioning that in the panel)
But I’m trying to focus talking about this con so far — even though I’ve trailed off multiple times already — first of all, ignoring the fact it’s insane that Danneel’s even at a Suoernatural con when her character (which was a nepotism role) wasn’t even in a full season, served no purpose, wasn’t even a likeable character — unless you like vapid, vain, and poorly portrayed characters — and added nothing to the storyline. And yet she gets treated like she’s a main cast member? Half of Dean’s flings who were in half an episode served more to the plot that Anael did in the whole five episodes she was on the show! And it pissed me off that Danneel’s getting the sort of treatment of main cast when Gen’s character was actually important to the plot, yet she wasn’t at the con. Not that I think Gen’s that bothered, which shows the difference between her and Danneel.
And apparently she auditioned for every single female role??? HUH?? Are we talking about the same Ms Gurl who made fun of Supernatural in the earlier seasons, claimed to not wanting to interfere as it was Jensen’s thing, demeaned and made fun of fans on twitter, criticised her own husband’s role and showed doubt of the series duration??? Make it make sense.
I’m kind of relieved Jensen hasn’t shared any of his made up domestic stories of them, to try and make it seem like they can even stand each other, although it would’ve been interesting to see him talk about it with Danneel there — just to see her reaction, cause I’m certain Jensen just makes up these stories as he goes along. But I guess my guy couldn’t even manage that, probably not after how much Elta knocked him down in front of everyone — she barely did anything else other than make jabs at him the whole time. Surprised my girl didn’t go blue from all the snarky remarks she was making.
Oh wait, it’s ‘sarcasm’, right? Silly me, I forgot that ‘that’s how they are with each other’ 😐😐😐 even AA’s have spoke up about her behaviour in this con — shows how much effort those two are bothering putting in to keep up the image. But hey, I’m proud that some of the delusional Jenneel shippers have developed a frontal lobe, probably because their self-insert isn’t doing what they want her to be doing!
Anyway that’s all from me, my thumbs hurt, can’t believe I wrote so much. Free will is a crazy thing. Excited to see what kind of hate I get from this ✌️😝
This ain’t grammar checked before anyone bullies me.
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Be My Light: Chapter 11- Find Me and I'm Gonna live with you.
*Genre: Mafia, Angst, Slow burn, eventual smut
*Warnings: Mentions of illness, violence, kidnapping, and a little fluff
Authors Note: Hello again everyone. I have risen from the dead to bring you some back story of our favorite maknae. As before, I apologize for the delay but am always grateful for those who still read. I have copied and pasted the tag list from before and if you would like to be removed, please let me know. Feel free to drop a like, comment, or whatever you feel like. We are almost done with military drought, FIGHTING!! Also, posted on AO3 under the same name.
Tag list: @lolalalooo, @bangtan-sonyeonddaeng, @barbikatherine, @mrsfortune1306, @lovesick-heart0, @iamnamjoonsbxtch, @deathkat657, @deeepvibes, @sugamonster22, @weiinihao, @hemmofluke, @rainbow-zebra-unicorns, @joyfullyobsessed-blog, @elvencantation, @thefreddieman, @whateveritis616, @crewzie-chan, @wyomingphantom, @killbillv1, @kyrah-williams, @utterlynutters, @ot7jellostan, @zahraaelamira, @shesaysweirdthings, @toriluvsfics, @emu007, @zae007live
Chapter 11: Find Me and I’m Gonna Live With You
As the morning sun streamed through your balcony window, you felt as if your head was going to split. The dull ache that had started the previous afternoon had intensified into the worse migraine you had had in a long time. Of course, you had concealed that pain while you were at the Magic Shop; you had assumed it was a simple headache brought on by the weather or stress, and it wasn’t anything you needed to worry about then. You were quite wrong. Once you had returned home and taken the last of your aspirin, which did absolutely nothing, you realized what was happening. The first time you had suffered from a migraine like this was when you had first stopped taking your medicine regularly. And then again when you started running low and skipping more than a day. Any long-prescribed medication would have some side effects when not taken on its routine. It just seemed worse now that you had stopped all together. That, and the stress of the last few weeks probably added to it. It was clear that you needed something stronger than an aspirin to deal with this. Your head pounded, every move you made to try and get comfortable made you feel like you would heave, and your body wouldn’t let you sleep to escape the situation. What time was it anyways? How long had you been laying there?
One of the previous times you had suffered from a migraine, Amber had brought you some extra strength over the counter stuff that had helped. What was it called? You could barely form a single stream of thought, let alone what the name of something you had months ago was. You were pretty sure Amber had been put on the night shifts, based on her many complaints she had texted you. Maybe if you sent her a text, she could bring you some before Bangtan arrived. You groaned. You should texted them, too, and see if they just let you stay in your apartment. Would they even allow that? Surely, the scary Mafia must understand what a sick day is. You needed your phone. From under your cocoon of blankets, your hand slithered out-even that felt like too much- and grabbed it from its place on the side table. Once you hit the home button and the screen illuminated, you all but threw the phone as the blinding light cause the throbbing behind your eyes to intensify. And the loud ‘thud’ as the phone landed didn’t help either. You retreated back into the covers; you felt like you were going to throw up again. Maybe if you could force yourself to sleep for a few minutes, you could try again.
There was a soft knock on your door. “Y/N, are you okay? I heard something fall.”
Wait, was that Jimin? When had he gotten there? How late was it? You hadn’t heard the front door open or anyone come in. This migraine was really throwing everything off.
There was a soft tap at your door again. “Is it okay if I come in?”
You really wanted to say ‘no’. But you knew that wasn’t the polite option. Also, you hadn’t seen Jimin since the hospital. The first day at the Magic Shop, Hoseok had gone out to pick him up from whatever job he was up to. But when the rest of you had sat down for lunch, only Hobi had joined you all. He had claimed that Jimin wasn’t hungry and just wanted to rest. That was the last you had heard about him since. You wanted to ask the others when they were hanging around with you in the lounge or when you were wandering around the Magic Shop, but you figured it really wasn’t any of your business. But now that he was at your door, your curiosity was getting the better of you. You just wanted to see how he was feeling. Amber called it your fatal flaw; you were more concerned about everyone else’s wellbeing instead of your own. Trying to ignore the pulsing pain behind your eyes and the dizzying nausea that hit each time you moved even the smallest bit, you lifted the covers and called him in.
Your bedroom door creaked open and Jimin, cautiously, looked around the corner as if he was worried he was walking into something he shouldn’t. But when he saw you peering out from the darkened blankets like a gremlin, he snorted out a laugh and pushed the door open. He leaned heavily against the door frame and took in the sight before him. He looked tired. From your viewpoint, you could see that he was quite pale and worn. His golden hair was messy and peeking out from under a black beaning that he threw on in place of trying to tame it into his normal well-kept style. He wore a pair of dark jeans, an oversized yellow plaid flannel shirt with a white undershirt, and a leather jacket that was much too large for him but still looked warm. Notably, a pair of rose-colored sunglasses were perched high on the bridge of his nose, casting his light eyes and skin in a blushing hue. Even unkempt- by his standards at least- he looked amazing. He pushed off of the doorframe and crossed to the side of the bed. He squatted down and peered into your darkened hiding spot with a bemused smile.
“Good morning,” he said, voice cracking with a snicker. “Are we having a lie in?”
“What time is it?” Your voice sounded so strained and pained.
“Almost seven. Are you alright, Y/N? You don’t look so good.”
You tugged the blankets tight around you to block out all the light. “No, I feel so awful. I’m having the worse migraine. I haven’t slept at all because the room won’t stop spinning. My head feels like it’s splitting behind my eyes. Each breath makes me feel like I’m gonna throw up.”
You felt the mattress sag as he sat on the edge, a comforting hand landing on your shoulder. “Oh, poor thing. Did you try taking anything?”
“It didn’t help. I need something stronger. I was hoping to call a friend of mine to bring me something on her way home. But the light from my phone made it worse. I’m really sorry but I don’t think I will be of any use today. I should just stay here. I don’t think I can even walk without feeling worse. Had I realized how late it was, you wouldn’t have had to come all this way for nothing.” You sounded so guilty and pitiful.
You felt the mattress shift as Jimin moved. The edge of the covers lifted slightly and he peered down at you, his eyes penetrating yours from behind those rose-colored lenses. He kept his voice low so not to worsen your migraine further. “Don’t think like that. It’s not for nothing. I’m glad I’m here, otherwise you would be worse off. I can take care of things for you. I think I saw a pharmacy around the corner. We can go get what you need from there and do whatever you think you need to feel better. Just tell me what to do.”
Then, as if the universe had some sick sense of humor, the quiet peace of your room was swallowed up by the loud intrusion of heavy truck motors and construction workers yelling. There had been posted notices up around your building for a month that there was going to be a demolition crew taking down a condemned building just down the way and there would be a lot of noise. Of course, you hadn’t remembered that, with all that had been happening as of late. The roar of a truck and its stabbing ‘beeps’ as it backed itself into position felt like the workers were taking their sledgehammer against your skull instead. The foreman’s loud whistle for attention and shouts of directions drove you to stuff your head under your pillow to try and find some solace. Sadly, life had it out for you in every single way.
Jimin had rose up and crossed to the glass slider that overlooked the street. All the noise was draining his own ability to hide how he was truly feeling. These last few days have been hard, not that he wasn’t used to it by this point in his life; the body aches and pains, the headaches and fevers, the exhaustion and mood swings that he struggled with until he decided to take his medicine were all a part of his routine. Just a bit longer. I can make it, he kept telling himself. But the construction noises were starting to push him to his limits, more so than the bright sunlight he was staring against despite his shades. Though, the glasses were for other purposes than just protection from the light. He looked back towards the bed at the sound of your painful moans. It seemed pretty obvious what his next move needed to be.
Jimin crossed back to the edge of the bed and slipped his head under the covers, trying to keep as much darkness as he could for both of your sake. You slipped from under your pillow to gaze at him with a teary expression.
“Just kill me now.”
He smiled sympathetically and tucked a stray bit of hair behind your ear. “I wouldn’t dream of doing that to you. I already like you very much. Look, I know you don’t want to go anywhere but I can’t see this being a good option for you in this state. Let me take you to the Magic Shop. You don’t have to do anything but rest, and we can just keep an eye on you until you feeling better. We have a lot of stuff back home that could help- nothing illegal. And Jin-hyung always knows what to do when I’m not feeling good. And we have a few spare rooms you can use. We always have them made up, just in the case of company. Theres not windows so the sun won’t hurt you like it is now, and it’s super quiet, especially since most of the guys won’t be there for most of the day. Come on, Y/N. It's gonna be much better than here. Please?”
To be honest, you don’t think you would have turned down his offer at this point. But something about the pull of his voice and the pleading look in those eyes made it even more impossible. You nodded your head and let him help you into a sitting position. Your head throbbed and the room spun a bit, but his hands on your shoulders helped ground you. You pressed your palms against your eyes against the brightness of the room.
“Here, eyes closed for a second.” You obeyed and felt something slide across your face and against your nose. “These help me.”
You opened your eyes, and the world had gone pink. Jimin’s rose-colored glasses eased the pain against your eyes. You gave him a grateful smile. And he looked amazing in pink, less tired. And somehow, his eyes seemed clearer than before. You set to trying to focus on moving.
Jimin moved quickly about the room, also feeling a sharp headache coming on from the roaring of machinery outside. As he turned, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Jimin refused to look himself in eyes, unhappy with the desperate looking person he saw. He spotted the backpack you always brought with you leaning against the foot of the bed. Quickly glancing inside, he was relieved to see a change of clothes already in the bag; you had started bringing some loungewear to change into if you felt like using their gym in between sessions with Yoongi or lunch with whoever else was hanging around with you. At least I don’t have to go through her drawers, Jimin bemused to himself. He zipped up the bag, then his eyes caught sight of a very familiar sight. Yoongi’s black jacket, the one he treasure so much yet gave to you, was hanging delicately on the back of the door. Instantly, he felt a comforting warmth spread through him. Memories of sliding his hands into the pockets when his hands were freezing, trying to slip inside despite Yoongi wearing it, and leaning his cheek into the collar when he would hug his hyung from behind surfaced and chased some of those sick feelings away. He reached over and took it from the hook. Before he could stop himself, he buried his nose into the fabric and inhaled deeply. Somehow, it stilled smelled like home. Only now, there was a hint of you in it to that seemed fitting. Jimin always found that when he didn’t feel so well, being surrounded by the scents of those who cared and loved him was just as good as any other medicine. Hence why he had stolen Jungkook’s beanie, Namjoon’s flannel, and Taehyung’s leather jacket. With a smile, he returned to your side and put the familiar jacket over your shoulders.
You were still in your pajamas – a black long sleeve shirt and plaid pants- but it would do. If your brain could focus on anything other than the throbbing pain against your eyes, you would have made some comment about being thankful for being able to put on clothes before trying to sleep. You slid your arms into the coat and took your backpack from Jimin. Pulling it onto your back, you tried to stand up, only to stagger as your equilibrium was destroyed. Suddenly, you felt yourself being pressed into something warm and the calming smell of cologne and the Magic Shop filled your senses. Arms locked under your legs as Jimin hoisted you a bit higher on his back and your arms instinctually wrapped around his neck.
“I got you, Y/N. Just relax, I promise we’ll take –..,” he stopped as one of your hands went moved up to press against his forehead. “Are you seriously checking my temperature right now?”
“I can’t help it,” you said, burying your face into his shoulder so he couldn’t see the blush that had started to form. “You’re really warm. You have a fever. The others said that you were sick and you still are, aren’t you? You should really take something for that.”
“Look who’s talking. I’m not so bad. I can make it a few more days,” he said, trying to hide his feelings behind a smile and an air of nonchalance.
“No,” you whined and tightened your hold. “Please, you need to take care of yourself. Waiting will only make it worse. Promise me you’ll take care of yourself. Please, Jimin.”
Jimin let out a sigh and turned his head to catch a glimpse of you over his shoulder. “Seriously? A minute ago, you were asking me to kill you, and now your more worried about my health than your own?”
“It’s my fatal flaw. That’s why I ran into a building full of gunmen.” He laughed and you felt it all through your body. “Please promise me. I won’t be able to get well if I worry about you.”
“Oh, blackmail. You sure you aren’t one of us?” You gave him a squeeze with your thighs in lieu of punching him in the arm. “Okay, okay. I promise I’ll take better care of myself. It’s gonna take a couple of days, but I’ll be good as new soon. Now, let’s forget about me and focus on you.”
Satisfied, you allowed yourself to be lolled into a half-conscious state as the warmth and smell that was uniquely Jimin distracted you from everything. Before you knew it, you were being lowered into the backseat of a car and Jimin sliding in next to you. You leaned your head against his shoulder and barely heard him signal to the driver to go. The car was nice and dark. At some point in the ride, you could feel him shift as he brought his phone up to his ear. He instructed someone to get the spare room ready and find something to help you. You could hear a muffled voice of the other berating him on the other end. It didn’t last long because Jimin hung up his phone and tossed to the other side of the back seat. Jimin stretched out his legs and leaned his head against yours. Both of you relaxed as the car swayed through the traffic. It was nice; it reminded Jimin of the little moments he shared with the others when they didn’t have to be Mafia leaders. It was odd finding that same peace with someone that wasn’t Bangtan. But there was something about you that just clicked for him. Had he felt better, and not thrown his phone, he would have taken a picture to taunt Jungkook with. But for now, he just wanted to lose himself in this comfortable moment. You both needed rest and just having someone next to you felt so much better than sitting alone.
Time slipped by oddly quickly, meaning you must have actually dozed off. You woke to Jimin whispering that you had arrived. He slipped out of the car and held out his hand for you. Once again, he pulled you on his back, silencing your protest with a simple ‘hush’. You were in the underground garage. And then, you were in the entrance hall and halfway up the stairs. Wait-had he just carried you up all those stairs and made it seem like this was nothing to him? How strong was he?
“Jimin!” Seokjin’s annoyed voice announced his presence before you could spot him. “If you ever hang up on me again, I will ensure you will regret it.”
“Sorry, Hyung. Must have lost you in a tunnel.”
You could practically hear Jin roll his eyes. “Tunnel my glorious ass. You’re lucky I don’t bash your head in. Do you realize what you could have done? What could have happened?!”
“Don’t yell at him,” you whined, waving you hand dismissively at Jin. “He doesn’t feel well still.”
“Oh, I am very well aware of that, Darling. And if he would have just listened to me before, he probably would have been feeling better by now. But no, he has to be stubborn. He thinks he knows more than someone who spent half of his life learning medicine and taking care of him for the past decade.”
“It’s my body, Hyung. I know my limits. And I am not an invalid. I can still do things around here.”
“Says the one who couldn’t keep his food down last night or the day before. Or do I need to bring up how you would rather force yourself to sleep than actually dealing the with problem?”
“I just wanted to help. I felt more alive this morning and just wanted a distraction.”
“And turning off my alarm clock was your idea of helping?”
“I knew you had a stressful day today and I just needed to get out of the house for a tiny bit. I figured it was the perfect distraction for me and you could use the rest before… well, your meeting. I didn’t even drive there. I had one of the drivers take me. Everyone was safe. We were there and back in no time and nothing was out of the ordinary. No big deal. I was careful; she didn’t see anything.” Were they still worried about you seeing how to get to the Magic Shop?
“I can see that.” Jin leaned over towards you. He pressed the back of his hand against your forehead. “Poor Darling. May I?” He took the glasses from your face and placed them back on Jimin’s. The Magic Shop’s lights were lower than before. “I took the liberty of not turning on all the lights. Jimin told me what was going on. It would have been nice to have more time to set our spare room up better but it will do for now. Let’s get you more comfortable. Hopefully, you will be a better patient than this one.”
“Be nice to him,” you pleaded. “He was only trying to help. And he did promise to take care of himself.”
“Did he now?”
“Yeah, I guilted him into taking some medicine.”
“Is that true?”
You felt Jimin shrug as he started back up the stairs. “What can I say? She is very good at blackmailing people.”
“Oh, is that all it takes? A pretty face and big eyes for you to take your medicine? Then I should had have Jungkookie deal with you.”
“As if that would have done much. I threw him out the first night he tried to make me. When do the others get back? We can deal with all of it when they get here.”
“Not until dinner. But I’ll handle it. You just rest until then and we’ll come up with a plan. But for now, let’s deal with this Darling first.”
Next thing you knew, you were being lowered onto the most comfortable bed you had ever felt. It took everything in you not to just sink into the mattress and the fluffy comforter. You looked about the spare room. How something this nice could be considered a spare room made you wondered how their actual bedroom looked. The room was decently sized with dark hardwood floors that matched the rest of the Magic Shop. The walls were high, leading up to beautiful crown molding lined ceiling. Behind the ornate crown molding were strips of lights the bathed the dark room in a soft green glow that eased the pains behind your eyes. Hmm, someone knows about light therapy, you mused.
Jin gave Jimin a shove towards the door once you were more settled. The younger didn’t put up any fight, smiling over at you before leaving the room. Jin turned back to you. “Jimin means well. Seems like you two have something in common. You both care more about others than yourself. Here, I had my assistant go get these from the pharmacy. See, still in its sealed blister pack.”
Jin held out the migraine medication for you to inspect. It was the best one on the market. “At this point,” you muttered as you held out your hand for it, “I’d even take whatever you create down in the basement of yours if it means feeling better.”
Jin snickered as he placed the medicine in your hands with a glass of water. “You make me sound like a mad scientist. I’m just the disgraced son of the biggest pharmaceutical dynasty in the whole country. Which reminds me, I need to get going. It’s my annual meeting with the shareholders. My father, hopefully, will make his usual excuse so I don’t have to deal with him. But I will be able to talk with some of my good friends to see if we can figure out this mysterious medicine of yours. Quick tour before I leave though. Jimin really didn’t give me much time to really prepare the room but I’m sure you’ll find all you need. The bathroom in just through there; feel free to use any you want. We always try to keep a good supply of things in the case of company. And there’s fresh towels if you want to take a bath. Your bag it just by the desk. And there is some water in the mini fridge just beside it, if you need some. I’m sure Yoongi has already seen us in the cameras, but I’ll go make sure he knows what’s happening. His studio is at the end of this hallway if you need him. And I’ll tell him to do his own treatments today without you. Don’t push it, Darling, I mean it. You’ve been working non-stop, it’s time to take care of you. Jungkookie is staying here today too. If you need anything, just let him know. Now, lay back and get comfortable. You look exhausted. Are the lights okay? They always help Namjoonie when he has a migraine.”
You simply nodded as you leaned back against the pillows. Jin pulled your sneakers off and pulled the blankets up around you. You felt so warm and secure. You didn’t even notice when he slipped out the door and closed it behind him, leaving you in the soft emerald glow. Soon, you felt yourself falling deeper and deeper into the most comfortable sleep you had had in a very long time. It was safe. And that was the last thought before you fully surrendered to the pull of sleep.
You really couldn’t tell how long you had been sleeping. A small creak of a door penetrated your deep slumber. You really couldn’t tell if it had really happened or was just part of a dream. Somewhere in the in-between, there were soft footsteps that came closer to the bed. Still, your eyes were heavy. You must have been dreaming, you decided, when you thought you felt someone’s hand touch your forehead. But only more so when that hand tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and traveled down your cheek. You, instinctively, turned into that warm hand, seeking the longing comfort it brought. It was a dream after all. It felt as if a thumb traced across your cheekbone before withdrawing. Then the door closed again.
Soon, you pulled yourself from your slumber, feeling so rested. Your cellphone was set on a charging station on the bedside table. The home screen indicated that you had been asleep for almost four hours. And you felt great! Your headache had eased to only a dull annoyance, your nausea was gone, and you felt revitalized. You yawned and stretched as you sat up in bed, inhaling deeply. There was a lingering smell in the room that hadn’t been there before. It was familiar and soothing. Your eyes caught sight of the black jacket folded neatly on the bedside table. That had to be it. Maybe it just smelled stronger in the closed room than before.
You remade the bed, grabbed your bag from where Jin had placed it, and crossed to the bathroom. Just like the rest of the Magic Shop, the bath was like walking into a grand resort. There grey tile across the floor, marble countertops with quartz sinks, a clawfoot tub, and a walk-shower. On the counter, there was a basket full of different products like face washes, shampoos and conditioners, body washes, and more. They were from high end brands and for many different body types and needs.. In one of the drawers there was some makeup wipes and removers. You wondered if that was more for if a girlfriend was over. Your mind flashed back to the hospital that first night when Hwasa has cornered Namjoon in the hallway. Despite his response to you, there seemed to be history there. And it with the type of products you were finding, it would make sense. Also, all of Bangtan were good looking guys; there was no way they were single.
You filled the tub with hot water and plopped a eucalyptus bath bomb you found into the water. It had been a long time since you had taken a bath, mostly sticking with a shower since that’s all you had. You scrubbed your body and just let yourself relax for a bit before rinsing off and sampling some other products. Once your face was cleaned and moisturized, you brushed your teeth with a sealed toothbrush you found in a drawer and changed into a fresh pair of clothes. After hanging up the fluffy towels and tidying up the room, you slipped the familiar jacket on and ventured out into the hallway.
Remember what Jin said about Yoongi’s studio helped orientate you. True to his word, Taehyung had made you a map and had helped you find your way when you wandered around alone. You walked down towards the studio; you wanted to let him know that you were feeling better so he would worry about you. Would he though, you wondered. You were friendly with them but was it to that extent? Maybe to Jimin and Jin. Either way, it would be the nice thing to do. You found yourself in front of his door and knocked. No response. You knocked again. But still no answer. Maybe he was resting? You shrugged and moved back down the hall. You decided to try and find Jungkook. You tried to text him but he hadn’t responded. So, you decided to head towards the living room where you had spent most of your time. You figured that if they were looking for you, that would be a good place to look.
“Fucking piece of shit,” you heard as you approached the door to that living room. Peering in, you found Jungkook. He was seated on the floor, back against the couch, staring intently at the television. He had connected his game system and was furiously smashing a series of button on his keyboard. On the screen, you recognized it as a game that Amber had play constantly when you were staying with her. She even played a mobile version on her phone while on break at work. You were never good at games, but you liked to watch. “Think you can snipe me? Think again,” Jungkook sneered at the character on the screen as positioned his avatar and fired a sniper shot. He smirked as the opponent disappeared.
You entered the room and crossed to the couch as the screen flashed with the end of the round. “Did you win?”
Jungkook jump, clearly so engrossed in his game that he hadn’t heard you approach him. “Noona, when did you get here? Are you feeling okay? Was I too loud?”
“No, it’s fine. I just got here. I’m feeling much better. Did you win? Looks pretty tough.”
“Oh, yeah. Just some practice rounds with some online friends. I haven’t played them in a while and decided to remind them why am I the best in the region,” he grinned a cocky smile before starting up another round.
You settled on the couch and watched as he moved across the map in search of his opponent. On the side of the screen, there was a chat going with the online friends he had mentioned. He explained that they were, essentially, playing a game of hide and seek that would end in a shootout. Which is how Amber explained it too. You smiled. Clearly, Jungkook had the advantage of having real life experience as he reacted quicker than you could ever to the slightest movement on the screen. All while also replying to the chat. Two opponents were dispatched within the first five minutes of game play, and they were ranting all through the chat. One was left. An avatar in colorful raver gear swung across the screen and disappeared with some advantage she had. A smoke grenade covered the screen and she used that to sneak attack and take five hit points. Jungkook seemed to get more annoyed as he chase after her, but she was good at avoiding him. He talked about how this person was usually the last one he had to get when they played this version of the game. How she was good at quick movements and gathering advantage items while he just used what he started with. You watched him analyze the game, bemused with the way he wrinkled his nose and narrowed his eyes, or the way he jumped and tried not to swear too much with you in the room. His status as youngest member was definitely showing. It reminded you how young he still was.
You turned back to the screen and your eyes widened as you caught the name of the opponent as she taunted him in the chat: ElectricLlama. That was Amber! Which meant-
“Are you Seagull-eye97?”
He froze, clearly not expecting that. Sadly, for him, it cause him to freeze long enough for ElectricLlama to throw a bomb at him and end the round, leaving the score tied between them.
“How’d you know my screen name?”
“That’s my best friend Amber! She plays you all the time. She’s always talking about you! You and her are in some kind of feud.”
“Your friend is ElectricLlama?”
“Oh my god, how did I not realize that was her until now? It looks just like her. She says you’re really good.”
“She’s good too. I’m just better.” He started the final round to determine the winner.
“If only I could tell her I’m working for her mortal enemy. She’d be busting down the door to get to you.”
You watched as he moved across the screen, him being the hider this round. Amber kept taunting through the chat and in game but Jungkook didn’t take the bait. He had something to prove now. This friendly game had turned now that he knew you were watching. He slinked through the terrain and aimed his weapon. ElectricLlama moved into view, not seeing him. Jungkook had her in his scope, ready to snipe her. But then, he switched weapons. No more guns, now it was a knife. He ran up on her and started close combat. He could have ended it so quickly but he wanted to draw it out, to prove a point. His fingers flew across the keyboard. Amber put up a good fight. But in the end, she was no match for Jungkook and her avatar fell to the floor and the game ended.
“She’s pissed,” you said as she watched Amber’s blow up the chat. “I’m gonna hear about that later.”
“She should be used to it. But she’s still one of the best one’s I play against.”
Jungkook sent some replies before signing off and disconnecting his game system. He was wearing a short sleeve shirt and you got to see all his tattoos on display. All up his arm were intertwining images from symbols and words, all combining in a unique way that flowed nicely. When he turned back to ask if you wanted to watch something, you asked him about his tattoos. At first, he shyly shrugged at the question. But when you leaned forward to admire the Tigerlily he had, he started explaining them to you. It amazed you the amount of care and work he had put into it. He explained why he got it, what it meant to him, and even if it hurt. You noticed the way his eyes sparked as he continued to speak. It was nice to see how much he had become more comfortable with you around him, remembering the first day when he could barely make eye contact with you. He started animatedly explaining about some of his first tattoos that were covered up with some more meaningful imaging, stuttering and tripping over his own words as his mouth moved quicker than his brain. It was kind of cute, you confessed. Through the tour of his ink, one that you didn’t see was his Gang tattoo. You squinted your eyes and tried to trace all the images like it was a hiding game.
Jungkook noticed your studious face and snorted. “What are you doing, Noona?”
“So, I know Yoongi’s Bangtan tattoo is on his shoulder. And Namjoon showed me his is on his wrist. Is yours, also, on your arm? Hidden among this menagerie?”
Again, he snorted a laugh. “No, mine is..” He started to tug down the loose collar of his shirt only to realize, quickly, what he was doing. His cheeks flushed and he cleared his throat. Jungkook placed his hand over his heart instead. “Mine is here. Some families will have them in similar body placements. There are some that will have them in the exact same place to show that they are all the same. And others just put it wherever. But there are a few families, like ours, that put them in places that have a deeper meaning.”
“Really? That’s very insightful. What does it mean, if you don’t mind me asking.”
Jungkook shrugged. “I think it’s okay, Noona. I don’t see any real issue telling you what I can. Let’s see. Yoongi-hyung’s tattoo is on his shoulder because he’s always placing himself in front of us, protecting us. And we always have his back to support him. Jimin-hyung’s is on his ribcage because it’s one of the most painful places to get inked. And he says he would go through great pains for Bangtan. Hobi-hyung’s in on his ankle so we are always with him every step of the way. Jin-hyung’s is on his hip and Taehyungie’s in on his inner thigh. Umm…” he stumbled, coughing back a laugh. “Those are for more private reasons that I don’t think I should get into right now. But Namjoon-hyung and mine are for the same reasons. Bangtan is our heartbeat, our bloodline. Without it, I don’t really know what we would do. Bangtan is much more than a gang to us. It’s our everything.”
“Yoongi has described it like that, too.”
“Well, it’s true,” Jungkook said with pride. “People look at Bangtan and just see a dangerous group of guys. I mean, we are but that depends on what side you’re on. But we do so much more than that. We do a lot of good, and not just for the community or the free people who need us. But for each other. We’ve been there through rough times, scary events, all of it. We’re a family. They are so much of why I am the person I am today. Without them, I don’t know who I’d become. I’d never want to be anything else. If someone gave me the opportunity to do life over again, I’d still choose them.”
You could only nod, taking in all he said. He would choose to be apart of this life? Or was that more that he would choose to be with them? You leaned back into the couch cushion and tried to wrap your head around his confession. From what Yoongi had told you, he didn’t have a choice, being sold out by his parents to an evil society leader. And he had gotten so angry at you when you had assumed he had made the others join his lifestyle. But Jungkook would willingly be with them again and again. Yoongi had repeated that he gave the others a choice. But who would choose this life? Being at the center of violence by choice seemed so odd to you. But then, again, some people join the military or become a police officer like your father had. Was it so different? And it wasn’t like they were like Choi and his men, just wanting to spread chaos and fear.
Jungkook plopped down beside you on the couch and started trying to find something to watch. You kept glancing at him out of the corner of your eyes. He looked so young. Thinking back to your introduction back at the hospital and what you had learned since. Bangtan had been together for many years and the final battle with Ji was five years ago. Yoongi had said that he had escaped from the Royals when he was eighteen and Namjoon was about seventeen. And they must have formed Bangtan around that time. Now Jin was a year older than Yoongi, and Jungkook was the youngest of them all. You studied Jungkook more, doing calculations in your head. But you must be off. There was no way someone that young would willingly join up.
“Noona,” Jungkook waved his hand in front of your eyes, snapping you out of your mental acrobatics. “You’re staring at me. It’s kind of creepy.”
“Sorry, I just,” you turned your body towards him to give him your full attention. “Can I ask you something? I’m really trying to understand all this. How long have you been with Bangtan?”
“Since the beginning,” Kookie said with a grin. “I mean, technically that’s when the Hyungs escaped the Royals and started running little jobs here and there. They didn’t really consider themselves a gang then. They say Bangtan was fully completed when I showed up.”
“I guess what I’m really asking- and you don’t have to go into details if you don’t want to- how old were you?”
“Oh, thirteen.”
“Thirteen?! I may not remember what I did when I was thirteen, but I can say that most thirteen-year-olds are more focused on after-school programs, getting ready for high school. Not running around with people trying to shoot them.”
“It’s not that young,” he replied, sheepishly.
“How does a thirteen-year-old decided they want to join a gang? I know that Yoongi was taken when he was fifteen, but he said his story is different than the rest. That the rest of you had a choice.”
“I’m still shocked that he told you that story. When I came along, only Namjoon-hyung and Hobi-hyung knew, and that’s because they were there. He didn’t open up about that to the rest of us until a year after we came out as a group. And he was incredibly drunk that night. It’s not an easy thing for him to remember. You must be something special, Noona.”
“So, I’ve been told. I’m just trying to understand better. Can you tell me your story? I can’t wrap my head around someone so young joining up, let alone choosing to over again. I mean, if you don’t want to, you don’t have too.”
Kookie smiled and leaned back into the sofa, getting comfortable. “Oh sure, I don’t mind. Its no where near as bad as Yoongi-hyung’s. The worst was me having to practically beg them to let me join. Don’t look at me like that. It’ll make sense.”
******************
The Jeon family lived in a small fishing village a few hours outside of Central. In fact, Jungkook wasn’t aware of Central or the issues that were happening in it. He lived with his parents in a single room apartment, helped on their boat, and spent time at the village community center learning taekwondo from a local teacher who watched children while the parents were working late. That had been his routine since he was three. And while his parents were just barely making ends meet, they were a happy family. It wasn’t until he got older that he started to realize how little they could afford. He tried to want for nothing and his folks were thankful for such a good kid. But they, also, wanted better for him. So, they worked longer hours to be able to afford a better life for their son. When he was thirteen, he knew he would have to travel to the next town for high school and that was going to be expensive for his family. And his free coach had recommended to his father that he would benefit from enrolling in an after-school taekwondo class if they wanted to further his future endeavors. Which would add more to their already stretch finances. He tried to tell his father that he could do without and not to worry, but his father still wanted better for him. It was a lot of weight to add to his shoulders without his parents realizing. He would hear them discussing how they would swing it and he couldn’t really see a good solution. And it got more worrisome when his mother announce she was expecting his little brother.
He wanted to do more for his family’s sake, help them save up to a better life for all of them and not just him. There were plenty of kids his age working in their village or leaving town for work. While he was playing an online game with a friend, he found out about a taekwondo tournament that would be happening in this city his friend moved to called Central. Winners got prize money, and for certain age groups, they would receive scholarships. His friend encouraged him to come for a visit and compete because he was sure Jungkook would win something. And while they were together, they could earn some money around Central; there were opportunities on every corner. It was tempting. And to a thirteen-year-old who wanted to help his family financially, that’s all it took.
He told his folks he was going for a summer visit, at least then they could just focus on saving money without trying to feed him. He met his friend at a bus terminal and they started going about the city. His friend told him about the fighting that had been taking place in the city and pointing out who he suspected was apart of the gangs. There were bad gangs and a few good, if you could call it that. The Royals were the tops, a product of the Big 3 that once ruled. 2NE1 was a sister group of theirs that mostly kept to jewel heist and smashing things. SHINee was from a different family, and they dealt with underground seizures up north. But the one that really caught Jungkook’s attention was a small up and coming group named Bangtan Sonyeondan. Apparently, they were made up of some defectors from the Royals and would do anything to stop their plans. One day, while running deliveries for his friend’s uncle, they were able to see a few members of Bangtan as they jumped a known Royal rally point. And they were so cool in Jungkook’s eyes. Especially, the leader known as Rap Monster. Anytime anyone was talking about them, Jungkook could help but listen and idolize them. There was one time, when a Suit had held up a convenience store that Rap Monster and Jungkook happen to be in. The Suit ran with Bangtan’s leader on his tail. Now, a normal person would stay out of the way. But Jungkook was always wanting to help. As if on autopilot, the young kid grab bigger guy and executed an over the shoulder throw. The next thing he knew, Rap Monster was next to him and ruffled his hair. ‘Thanks kid,’ he said before throwing the money back towards the owner and dragging the Suit into the alleyway.
After showing off his very basic skills, Jungkook’s friend got an idea. Since the competition was coming up soon, and Jungkook should be practicing, they would do some busking on the street. And take on any drunk wannabe for some extra cash. If his parents knew what he had been doing, they would have locked him up in seconds. But it did help them raise up the funds. By time the competition had come around, he had more than enough money for the entrance fee and enough to send home for his folks. From the practice he got from his busking escapades, he was surprisingly well equipped for the unknown opponents. By the end of the day, he had made it into the final round. And he had, also, caught the attention of a few predatory eyes.
When Jungkook and his friend were walking back home for the night, they were cornered by a big black van. Before either could react, the back door flew open and hands dragged them inside before it sped off again. They were gagged and had their hands tied with zip ties. And that was where he came face to face with the Crime Boss, Ji, for the first time. Jungkook would never forget that face for the rest of his life. They had been selected for the next round of recruits. Ji grinned as he threatened that if anyone tried to resist, their families would be shot in front of them. No one tried to run. In the van were four other teens, just like him, kidnapped and about to go through hell. Ji moved back into the front of the vehicle, leaving them all in the dark. His friend was hyperventilating, and Jungkook was trying to use his strength to snap the bindings. But a hard hit came from the side of the van and sent everyone flying. Over the muffled screams from the others, Jungkook heard the Royals swear on a name that gave him a bit of hope: Bangtan. Another hit came on the back bumper, and the van rolled onto its side and slid to a stop. Someone had landed on top of Jungkook, knocking the wind out of him, but everyone was alright. Screams and sounds of a fight broke out around the van.
Next thing the captives knew was the lock on the back door was being bashed in and the door fell open. But instead of Ji or one of the Suits, stood the leader of Bangtan with a bat covered in barbwire. Run or you’re gonna die, he had screamed at them. Five bodies scrambled out into the darkness. But Jungkook was stuck, trying to gather his wits about him. Where did his friend go? He didn’t know where he was or how to get back to the house. Rap Monster swung his bat with his whole body at an oncoming Suit trying to get at one of the escapees, yelling orders at someone named Agust to cover the new guy and Hope to watch out. That’s when the leader noticed Jungkook still huddled in the back of the van. Quickly, he rushed in and hauled him to his feet and out the vehicle. The streets was covering in broken glass and car parts, the smell of gas leaking on the streets filled his lungs, and flames ignited the fighting like a scene from a war movie. Rap Monster gave him a shove towards a direction. Go, before they see you! Get out of here kid! Go home! Home? But how could he get home? He didn’t know where he was and had no way to get back. Besides, Ji had threatened to kill their families which meant that he would find them if he could find his way home. He’d later learn that his friend he had been staying with had fled the city with his family that night and didn’t even think about looking for Jungkook out of fear.
But he did as he was told and just ran, hands still tied. And he didn’t stop running, even when the sounds of the van he was just in exploded when the flames finally found the gas leak. He ran into the night with no real direction. He knew he was fast; he had always had enough energy and stamina to outlast the best of them. The fear that someone would be following behind him kept his feet going. He weaved through alley ways and tunnels. As he rounded a corner, a familiar black truck flew past and a voice he recalled from the fight whooping in celebration into the silence of the night. That was Hope! He needed to catch up with them; they could help. His muscles screamed and his heart pounded against his ribs. It was a stupid idea but the only one that the thirteen could cling to in that moment of panic and fear.
He didn’t know how he managed but he ran to the outskirts of the city and found an abandoned gas station that was boarded. He could hide in there for the time being, he concluded. Then he saw the black truck tucked behind trash and debris. If he believed in angels, he would have dropped down to his knees and thanked them. He stumbled to the door, adrenaline finally waning fast. His feet shuffled in the dirt and knocked into a trash can, breaking the silence. The last thing he saw before he collapsed to the ground was Rap Monster coming from around the corner with his bat, before those dragon eyes went wide with worry.
**************
“Oh my god, you ran across the city? And somehow found them?” You were sure that your mouth was hanging open.
“Crazy right? It was like fate knew we were meant to be together. Yoongi-hyung and Jimin-hyung were suspicious of me then. I mean, it makes sense; a kid just captured by Ji somehow stalked them to their hideout? When I woke up, I was locked in a back room with a note taped to my shirt telling me not to panic and once they determined I was safe, they’d let me out or I’d be left there to rot. But Namjoon-hyung and Jin-hyung figured I wasn’t anything to worry about after a couple days. Ji had marked me ever since I had help hyung at the store. They knew he was planning on hand picking some kids from the competition to strengthen his ranks. Namjoon-hyung took me back to the city to find my friend. But my friend and his parents were gone. They had moved in between our capture and my rescue. They offered to drive me back to my parents. But I was too scared to go back home in case Ji was being truthful. They would ask me my address but I wouldn’t speak. I completely shut up, unless I was begging them to let me stay. I’m a bit ashamed to admit that I was on my knees and possibly crying a few of those times. Pretty sure they felt sorry for me because they decided to keep me with them for a little bit, kinda like how we’re doing with you. For protection until I could see that my family would be safe and I’d tell them where I lived. But I’m really stubborn. Despite the fact that they thought I was too young to do much, I would just try to be as helpful as I could, to earn my keep. Suga-hyung wasn’t too keen on having someone so young with them, especially since they already had Taehyungie hang around now and then. But we all just clicked.”
“And that’s when they asked you to join?”
Jungkook laughed. “I begged them to let me join them. I saw the good they were doing, saw how they were helping. And now that I had first experience with Ji’s intentions, I knew it would be hard for me to go back out there alone. Ji had hand-picked me after seeing my skills. I was a target and anyone I was around would be at risk. But Bangtan was already so strong, kept me safe, even before they knew just how strong I could get. They were worried I was too young. But my mind had been made up. I started slow, helping Jin with escape routes, listening for them. But the more I showed them how serious I was, the more it just seemed to fall into place. I had to wait a while to do any dangerous stuff, and even longer for some fun stuff. But in the end, it made sense and it proved a lot to everyone involved.”
“But if Ji hand picked you, weren’t you worried he could find you again?”
“At first, I was concerned. But then I realized. Anytime I had been out with my friend in Central, I had been wearing a face mask because I was worried about getting sick before the competition. And at the competition, my friend thought it would be a cool idea to keep it on. Ji never saw my face. I don’t think they noticed I was wearing it when they jumped me. That’s why I was able to walk around like a normal person while the hyungs had to cover up. I still cover up when we fight the Suits so I can still have anonymity when I game online.”
“So that’s why when you fought with Choi back at the hospital I saw you wearing it,” you said, realization dawning on you. “Do you still talk with your family?”
“Of course I do! I call home a couple times a week. Jin-hyung made sure that once I was sure about this life, that I could still see my folks and my brother. Ji was using scare tactics back then when he took me. But we made sure that they were save in our little village. And they came up with this great lie to make sure my parents didn’t know what I was really up to. Namjoon-hyung made it seem like I had won a full scholarship to a top school up north somewhere. Even made some fake documents to sign. Every month, he or Jin-hung would call with a progress report on my studies and behavior. Which was actually true. They ended up home-schooling me. Jin-hyung said that just because I wanted to join the gang didn’t mean I had the right to be an idiot. Now, my folks think I graduated and got a side job as security for Jin-hyung’s company, while also doing my streaming on the side. I send them money every so often.”
“Wow, that’s incredible. I never would have guessed any of that.”
“Told you I’d never force them into this,” came a deep voice from the door.
Yoongi was leaning against the door frame, clearly letting the story finish before he had stepped in. His red hair was messy, like he had ran his good hand through it multiple times. His arm was still in its sling. But in his other hand was a steaming bowl that smelled incredible. He pushed off the door frame and crossed over to the couch.
“Here,” he said, holding out the bowl for you. “I made lunch. Figured you might be hungry after what I heard from Jin-hyung. Since you weren’t in the guest room, I figured here was the next best choice.”
You took the bowl from him and gazed at it’s contents. It was the most delicious looking stew you had ever smelled. Instantly, your stomach rumbled at the sight of it. You dug in and a sense of warmth and calm settled over you. You could have sworn you saw a smirk flash across his face as he watch you enjoy his food.
“No way,” Jungkook exclaimed with wide doe eyes and watering mouth. “Hyung, you made galbitang? It’s been so long since you made that for any of us. Did you make some for me too?”
“You are not sick,” Yoongi said, matter-of-factly, giving the youngest his signature stone face. After a second of letting Jungkook’s face drop into a pout, he rolled his eyes and smirk. “Of course, I made enough for everyone. I only have one hand, buns. Go bring ours up.”
Like a kid at Christmas, Jungkook scrambled to his feet and flew out the door. Yoongi shook his head with a soft chuckle before turning his head back to you. He knelt down so not to keep looking down at you.
“How are you feeling? Jin-hyung said you weren’t so good this morning.”
You nodded between mouthfuls. “I’m feeling much better now. I think the stress of everything and the withdrawal from my old anti-anxiety medication caught up with me. But you guys are really helping me feel so much better. I’m sorry we have to cancel your treatment this morning. We can try after we eat.”
He waved you off and sat down next to you. “I think I’ll survive. Besides, its almost time for us to take this fucking thing off.” His lips made a tight line. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I’ve heard worse. Thank you for the stew. It’s amazing. You guys are really taking just a good care of me as I am of you.”
“It’s about time you had something nice done in return.” He tilted his head towards you, hair spilling into his eyes. “You’re more relaxed. Still think we’re not to be trusted?”
You wanted to roll your eyes. “I think I’m starting to get a better picture. Now that I know how much of a softie you all can be.”
“Alright,” he sneered, reaching for your bowl, “no more nice gestures from me. I’ll show you who’s a softie.”
You curled into a ball trying to protect your bowl of food from him as both your laughter’s filled the room.
#bts fic#bts mafia au#bts smut#kim namjoon#kim seokjin#min yoogni#jung hoseok#park jimin#kim taehyung#jeon jungguk#jeon jungkook#bemylightfanfic#be my light fic#be my light#bts imagines#ot7 x reader#yoongi x reader
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This is a long post but not a vent its the opposite of a vent ykwim like a long happy rant
I love you all so much.
Maybe I’m just all dramatic and emotional because I’m on my period, maybe because I’m writing this late at night and I’m gonna think it’s really cringe in the morning, but I love you guys so much. Tumblr has brought me so much joy. I’ve been here for maybe three or four months now? And I can’t really think of a time in my life where I was happier.
I first made an account after scrolling aimlessly. I would go onto the tumblr website and it would let me search a bit until it was like “you need to make an account to keep going!!” And then I’d just close it and move on. But then one day I decided hey what the heck just do it. So I made an account, and I didn’t really know what I was doing. I came up with this username because I liked conan gray, I gave myself a daphne blake profile picture because she has red hair, and just kinda explored.
I looked through tags of fandoms I love like the inheritance games and pjo and shatter me and even scythe (which was when i was then brought to the realization that the aoas fandom really is dead everywhere even here😔). But I just kinda explored.
Then I found all you guys, the cute aesthetic tumblrinas! And omg I thought everyone was so cool. Pretty much everyone I’m mutuals with now is someone who i found their blog and was like OMG I WANNA BE ONE OF THEM!! I loved the friendships and the connection and just seeing everyone interact made me so happy. I think one of the first people to follow me back was Belle and I remember I legit freaked out because omg!! Shes so cool!!
Now that I’m telling the story it’s a little embarrassing, but it’s fine. I just know I was slowly growing my blog and meeting new people but I still didn’t feel like I had real friends, it hadn’t been that long. But I think it all kinda happened after I accidentally deleted my account, and I sent panic asks to everyone. And you guys were so nice and so sweet and for a lot of people it was some of the first interactions we had.
I have the world’s worst memory, but it just kinda took off from there.
And now I am friends with all you guys!! I’m so incredibly glad I decided to make this blog that day because omg. I’d seen people talk about online friends but I’d never had any. But now?? OMGG I UNDERSTAND!!! I finally have people who are just as obsessed with the books/tv/movies/music/everything that I am!!
My friends IRL are nice, they’ve read the books I read, but I cant talk to them the way I do you guys, yknow? Tumblr is literally just such a safe space for me. I have a bad day, come online, and my mood is lifted. It makes me so happy and it also makes me feel so validated for whatever weird interests or feelings I have! I have a weird thought? Post it to tumblr! It’s just so amazing, how there’s people all over the world who care about me even a little, even just enough to like my shitposts.
I’ve even infiltrated both the shatter me and tig roleplays, and I’ve really just done everything I could’ve hoped for when I joined tumblr. I used to be the one watching everyone interact, and now I am the one interacting! I don't think you guys understand how much you all mean to me. Especially as someone with bad social anxiety, who struggles with making friends irl. I also don’t believe in popularity in schools, thats stupid, but technically i’m not a “popular kid.” So I have friends, but not a billion. But here? Everyone is friends on tumblr!! It’s so amazing. I love you all so much.
That’s long and honestly pretty sappy, also yall probably don't care about my whole tumblr history and how i got here (plus no one asked), but I felt like i wanted to share. There’s so much more I wanna say, but surprisingly enough as a writer, I’m not always the best at expressing my feelings over writing. My love language is physical touch, not words of affirmation. Which suckss cause i cant give you guys that. But this is as good as i can get.
So thank you to everyone, my mutuals and followers and whatever. Thank you for being so loving. Thank you for being stupid with me. Thank you for listening to me rant about nonsense. Thank you for liking my posts. thank you for being here. Thank you for making me feel safe.
Cause every time I get a notification, I smile. It’s hard not to, when I know everyone is so amazing. I hope you think of me when you listen to heather, because I always think of you when i listen to online love. Anyway, I love you all. I hope we meet one day. Actually, scratch that. We will meet one day. That is a threat :)
LOVE YOU ALL MUAH MUAH MUAH IM BREAKING INTO YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW BTW WERE GONNA WATCH HALLOWEEN MOVIES AND HAVE HOT CHOCOLATE AND GO TO THE PUMPKIN PATCH AND DO A BIG GROUP COSTUME AND GO TRICK OR TREATING TOGETHER GET READY 😋😋
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sup yall we're vibing here
anyway. hey, my name's freddie, and i'm finally trying to write an actual intro/master post which... we'll see how this goes.
important stuff is highlighted in orange.
so, basic stuff:
as I said, my name's freddie. he/him pronouns. i'm a college student (majoring in accounting, might add a psych minor). not gonna say which college but i'm currently in california.
i've been on tumblr since 2019 i think? not under this account, this started as a fandom account and then spiralled out of control... really fast. um, my regular tumblr which i've not actually opened in ages is @chronicchthonic14 so. yeah.
not particularly relevant to this blog, but i might mention it at some point so, i have autism and adhd. and some other things but. like. that list is very long and those are the two most relevant because i promise if i come off wrong/mean, i didn't mean to, i just forget to make my words normal. but. those are the two most referenced. if for whatever reason someone wants to know more or has questions you can send an ask ig?
i'm scottish, born there. moved to US when I was four. finishing uni and moving back.
some quick warnings
this blog definitely contains cursing/vulgar language, whatever you want to call it, so if you're not comfortable with that, probably not the blog for you, as i don't tag cursing or anything for you to filter out.
if, for whatever reason, if i ever reblog something that contains a slur (against racial minorities, queer people, anything) i will ABSOLUTELY tag that though.
also if anyone has any trigger warnings they think any content needs, please let me know-- asks, dms, comments, reblogs
the cursing thing also applies for sort of dirty jokes? think that only applies to like. two posts and very not explicit. those aren't currently tagged but if they get any more explicit they certainly will be.
queer identity because the explicit reminded me, i'm asexual, and probably straight. maybe bi? dunno, don't particularly care. and i'm trans. ftm. this isn't the blog i talk about that on usually though, unless it relates to a specific ask or a fandom thing.
which, getting into what this blog is for because i can't think of anything else i need to add here (guys let me know if i forgot important stuff, please, i'm an idiot!!! i will forget the important stuff and write random shit instead!! i've already deleted three tangents from this!!)
sooooo
fandoms!! ones i write and/or post about or will potentially post about
percy jackson extending to hoo, toa, tkc (definitely post way less about this), mcga (again, way less). haven't read TSATS or COTG yet, but spoilers are fine. i post way more about minor characters. write fanfiction for and have some posted (both on here and ao3) and a bunch of snippets.
dcu-- films, comics, animated shows, all of it. personally, my favorites are young justice (the comics, not show version), new teen titans, and batman inc (batgirls, nightwing, and red robin esp). late 90s yj run is my favorite, and i loved the DCeased event. favorite batman comic is definitely court of owls run. no fanfics posted, but some on docs.
mcu-- way less so, but have a stucky oneshot. slowly making my way through in timeline order.
throne of glass. i'm an aedion and chaol apologizer because they do a bunch of dumb shit but then WHO DOESN'T in this series. fanfics in doc, not posted.
this would go on for ages if i listed everything so instead, here's an ask i answered on my fandoms/genres and everything. feel free to send me asks about anyone. if you send me something about radium girls i may cry though (tears of joy) so there's your advanced warning.
main things you'll see on my blog are incorrect quotes, snippets, and the occasional fic
this^^
my... idk, contact policy? seriously what do i word this
asks are always open, anon is on.
if you send hate... whatever. i'll probably delete it.
unless i find it funny. then I'll post it. there's really little you could say to me that would hurt.
when i say asks are always open, you can drop anything you want.
literally anything
you need to vent? want advice? want to request headcanons? request a fic? give me a prompt? ask random things about me? something else I've forgotten? go right ahead
if you want to ask me to update my fics? go right ahead. sometimes i forget i didn't post something.
send as many asks as you want, i don't care if it might be spam
i can't promise i'll respond to asks in a timely manner, sometimes i open my inbox and forget they exist for months, i'm sorry. if it's something you really want answered you can send another one
dm's are alright? if you want to be friends or something, go right ahead.
anyone can reblog any of my posts/comment/heart, i don't care. you want to heart 50 things in a row? i adore you. if i had kids, you would get my firstborn
if we're mutuals you can ask for my insta/give me yours.
now, other accounts:
anyway, i think that's it?
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i follow a lot of people in lifesteal fandom (<- i follow a lot of people in general tbh. like, over 2k blogs) and i really wish that ppl Tagged their discourse or character neg more often. i haven't spoken to ls!kab discourse on this blog other than like a few reblogs and i will continue not speaking on the meat of it except maybe in private bc it's Upsetting to think about too much but for the same reason (it's Upsetting!) i really wish i could filter it. and i just can't, except by either unfollowing everyone who ever posts it (including a lot of blogs i otherwise love!) or filtering literally all variants of kab's name. which (a) sucks when i do in fact like a lot of art that includes her and even appreciate liveblogs and stuff and just dont want to see intense discourse which is often about upsetting subjects (b) would also, due to the nature of tumblr filters, catch a lot of unrelated words that have "kab" in them, such as "likable" or "unremarkable" without catching, say, someone who is talking about "k4b00dle" or "k.abo.odle" in order to not show up in search results (something i myself have done in the past)
idk it sucks bc i want to get more into s6 but every time i do i just get flooded with waves of genuinely upsetting discourse. ik that Talking About It can be good for some people but i dont want to get into it personally and i also dont want to unfollow half the fandom! and it's not an issue of "just follow ppl who dislike kab's character"/"just follow ppl who like kab's character" bc that's not what it's about for me. i just want to stop seeing discourse about kab's character. idk bro i miss dsmp fandom where i could filter "discourse" and then 500 variants of "[x] neg" "[x] crit" etc and this would actually do something. it wouldn't get Everything (if nothing else theres the fact that half of the discourse, by its nature, is [x] positive/criticizing the people who criticize [x], and i dont always want to see that either!) but it'd get, like, half of it at least. in lifesteal fandom there is Nothing i can filter that will catch Anything other than filtering The Entire Existence Of The Character. and when i'm missing the discourse environment of dsmp fandom that's how you know it's dire
this is a vent post more than anything so please be kind on it but 100% genuinely if more people in the fandom tagged it then. that would be really really nice and i would appreciate it a lot. idk if enough other people feel this way for it to be worth asking for it more broadly or deciding on/promoting a general tag to be used or if it's Just Me in which case it's probably not worth it but i thought i'd put this out there
and like dgmw i can respect "i cannot tag things consistently, i do not have a tagging system, i do not ever tag things for blacklists". that's fine!!! there is absolutely stuff i do not tag and will not tag. im not demanding anything. ik i am a fairly consistent tagger on this blog but i had a previous blog where i tagged Literally Nothing and just quick reblogged everything and quite frankly trying to be a consistent tagger even just of fandom/topic (not even of most triggers) is a big part of why i am a lot less active than i used to be on tumblr! i get it, i promise. i probably won't unfollow over this and it's not gonna hurt me terribly or anything. i'm complaining on my own blog about something that Would Be Nice but ultimately it's fine to run your blog however you want
wow this post is long. ok bye
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*burns down building cutely* guys im literally just a girl!!!
welcome to my blog
hi guys!!! im loralai but you can call me lora. this post is a running collection of all my chaos
you guys like lists? good bc that's all ive got for you
~
stuff i do
art
i draw in ibis paint on my phone with a disc stylus and use capcut to edit animatics (which yes, i can still do, despite being in the us). most of my stuff is tagged with either #art or #doodles, rarely both. doodles is my old tag for sketches and... well, doodles. i put everything under the art tag now
writing
i have one published fic right now with another multi chapter on the way and some one shots im going to get to eventually! i don't have an update schedule. im little1133 on ao3
music
if you have perfect pitch talk to me please i need someone who understands the feeling when you get a song stuck in your head and you can't remember what key it's in but all the keys you picture it in sound wrong so now it's in your head but it sounds WRONG
fandoms
epic the musical
this is my main fandom right now! epic has had a huge effect on my life, gotten me back into drawing and writing :) im always down to yap about the babies or read your fic or whatever
i love odypen so so much. also i heard someone use the ship name penelody and that's the prettiest ship name ive ever heard i think. platonic eurypoli is also one of my favs. im a eurylochus defender for life
if you follow me you are big time signing up for epic spam
kotlc
this is my longest-term fandom i think. i love this little fandom so much!! Katie (@ myfairkatiecat , very cool user) got me into it last summer (i know, not very long term for my longest term fandom. im young okay). im a keefe defender (sorry stria) and i love fintan pyren a normal amount. fav ships are sokeefe, dexiana, and fintante! i am a sucker for platonic sophitz. they go well together what can i say
iywalirayhtdwa > wiityispb
percy jackson / riordanverse
i love love love this series so much. leo is my baby. percabeth should be called smartwater for ever and ever. i don't participate in this fandom because i learned my lesson from kotlc about joining the fandom before you're done reading and ive already gotten spoiled enough just from random youtube comments. am i really going to abstain from this fandom until ive read all however many series there are? probably not
greek mythology in general
dnd
yeah... right above this is percy jackson and epic the musical. you knew this was coming. im rapidly turning into the greek mythology kid. it's bad.
hadestown
i listened to the soundtrack with animatics a bit ago and im planning on watching a recording of the actual show. this musical has already. made me. FEEL THINGS. A LOT. doubt comes in absolutely broke me which im sure isn't a surprise to anyone who's seen hadestown. just like in epic Hermes is a whole vibe and a half. living it up on top, chant, and why we build the wall have alternated being played on loop in my brain. this musical is literally so.
im currently playing in a dnd campaign (#ivanna) as an elven wizard named Ivanna and in the late planning stages of dming a campaign (#crossfire campaign) for me and my friends. im unwell about both of these things
mouthwashing
i... don't have much to say about this fandom. im not very active in it. love the fanart. love daisuke and anya ofc. we be taking responsibility with this one
elnea kingdom
i don't really post about this game on here because the fandom is mainly on Reddit. this is here purely for propaganda. look up this game and play it. you know you want toooo ohh you wanna play it soooo baaaad
posts i want you to see
too lazy to do this list rn. im gonna link the seaglass vacker eyes post, the Ody is the short one in odypen, and some of my top posts later
tags ig
#art - self explanatory.
#bookmark - things I'm saving to refer back to later.
#liveblog - ive been doing this less lately but it's always a tradition for me to do at least a few liveblogs whenever im consuming a new media. i love this tag because it contains my magnum opus: my huge reblog chains with every little thought i had while reading kotlc. all of them have like 40 self reblogs to just add to them. there's a chain for each book, and i did it for the first like 5 or 6 books. i highly recommend looking at those they're very funny.
userboxes + other
i don't have a dni. if i don't like you ill block you
im not donating to your gofundme
my interests are subject to change on a whim with zero warning
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hi kinda personal stuff this may get long (old post below)

i was contemplating not posting this but i wont tag it and most probably nobody will see so doesn't matter also it's my blog i do what i want but i was scrolling through older stuff on my blog to appropriately tag them and saw this, it is getting me thinking. at 6 am. waking up from a restless sleep. lmfao.
it was most definitely not "healthier" keeping it to myself. i only said that so i don't worry people. anxiety is one hell of a bitch and to say i don't struggle right now and am not actively fighting this mindset i've drilled into my head all my life for no reason, it would be a lie. but man i'm glad it's not as bad as it was. not even a few years back i did this shit so often, even when (or especially when) i had a bigger following. this one was even worded way more nicely than other times i did it. idk why there's just this intense shame w making and posting any sort of art or just saying things in general or being seen. i used to always delete everything on my profile n go "yea everything i make is shit please unfollow me" and started sharing less and less art and feeling like my entire self worth was hanging on by how i felt about my art. even when i made something i felt looked good i'd think "surely i'm overlooking how bad this actually is" n i did this for YEARS... and for what. it did nothing, just upset my friends. idk, i still fight this actively but it's bizarre and also a relief to see that i've made progress. i don't think making bad art should be this big of a deal anyway, even if i make the worst shit known to man and everyone hates it, so what? no really what happens? its always been this hypothetical of "someone out there is gonna despise this secretly and i need to see it from their point of view whether or not they actually exist, just in case." i cant believe millions of years of evolution led to this. are we forreal. i still delete stuff sometimes but it doesnt feel like its as much of a big deal. yea like i'll make and post dogshit art, and? okay, and? there's always this delete this "OR ELSE" but i have got to realize there's nothing after that. or else what? nothing. just the or else is scary, it shouldn't be. i will be cringe that is a promise. more in tags lol
#again not to say im not struggling right now#i am but it's getting easier to just not give a fuck#ive went through way worse shit why should this even matter ykwim#i don't wanna keep ruining the only space i can be myself and just post shit. i am limiting my own freedom#making myself miserable to no end. i hope i can stop being this way bc its exhausting#always catastrophizing (?) mundane shit and making people upset for no reason#this is the internet who tf cares. if theres a place to be cringe and make horrible art this is it#gods even now my brain is firing off a million warning signals#YOU ARE POSTING LONG POST!!! THIS IS TAKING UP SPACE!! BAD EVIL AND SHAMEFUL!!#shut the fuck up bro. like shut up seriously
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tagged by @killerandhealerqueen (i just keep forgetting abt this one SIGH but i have free time rn and im committed)
1. why did you choose your url?
growing up, i just wasn't a social media girl purely bc of the fact that my parents were super strict and I assumed they wouldn't allow me to have it and I just never really saw the appeal anyways. Then later a few friends basically forced me to make my first account and because i wasn't very creative and thought i was the funniest bitch ever i made my first user 'ifyouinsist' and it just kinda stuck ig
2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.
nope. i fear if i had a sideblog id end up neglecting it and forget abt it or make it my new main blog and neglect this blog and this blog is literally my baby
3. how long have you been on tumblr?
well i've had an account since like end of 2019, beginning of 2020???? (im pretty sure) i didnt like use my account tho i just had it to look at other ppls blogs not my own, i only acc recently made up my blog up properly and started posting this year when it was like 2 am and i was on holiday to visit my home country and my mum and my aunts were gossiping and i was like whatever who tf cares how late i am to a fandom and the rest was history
4. do you have a queue tag?
nope, my drafts are a terrifying place and if they ever saw light id die
5. why did you start your blog in the first place?
to reblog pretty art and to compliment writers on ao3 AND on tumblr bc they deserve everything and more
6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?
logan sargeant. need i say any more???? hes my bsf in spirit
7. why did you choose your header?
loscar. LOSCAR. loscar. i am very much totally normal abt them i swear (lying through my teeth rn). they're just my everything unfortunately and sometimes i like to say the fist bump is their version of intertwining their fingers together
8. what’s your post with the most notes?
ik this bc it was the first i myself made and it was abt loscar obviously and i thought i was SO funny (im not) and its lowk still such a flop post but its MY flop post so here it is :)
9. how many mutuals do you have?
idk man im shy (scared of rejection) so i dont have a lot, like genuinely let me go see acc, oh ig its me and my 14 moots against the world i love you guys fr
10. how many followers do you have?
BYE my 26 followers are my 4 lifers fr (im such a flop this is hilarious)
11. how many people do you follow?
37 (sigh need to follow more ppl RN)
12. have you ever made a shitpost?
im gonna be so real idk what defines as a shit post but most probably yeah
13. how often do you use tumblr each day?
idk im acc really inconsistent like ill be MIA for 2 whole days and the next week ill be on tumblr like for most of my day when i can its very confusing like today ive not been on it a lot im academically locking in and all that
14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?
ummm no. like. if i see someone i follow getting hate ill send them a supportive ask and then at the end of it be like anon ur such a loser get a life but other than that. nope.
15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?
im very much neutral abt them, like idc if i need to reblog it yk if i want to i will if i dont then i wont
16. do you like tag games?
YES (said in a very normal voice)
17. do you like ask games
YES. i love getting asks id cry if someone sent an ask (i have one rotting away from a moot rn i WILL answer it i swear)
18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?
can i say all my moots. i wanna say all my moots they're all famous in my eyes guys, i start tagging its gonna end with all my moots being tagged but like @killerandhealerqueen and @dwarvenchords were the first 2 ppl to come to my mind theyre both just the coolest fr
19. do you have a crush on a mutual?
nah. i have FRIEND crushes on literally all of them tho. wanna be their friends SO bad
20. what is the last song you listened to?
Mamichula- Bizarrap
21. what are you currently watching?
in my docuseries era rn watching breakpoint (STILL)(i only have time on the weekends rn SIGH)
22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy?
sweet. im such a 'lets skip the dinner and just get dessert' kinda girl
23. what is your current relationship status?
this is SUCH a complicated question to answer but heavily leaning more towards single
24. what is your current obsession?
sports. like just sports in general. like ive always been a casual fan of sports but i never used to take a deep dive into it but this year i decided to dive, and i dived VERY deep, so like motorsports, tennis, football, cricket, trying to get into hocky rn im collecting them atp. also. documentaries. like when i get time ill be binge watching like 5 documentaries i just love them sm
25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?
wish i could tell you fr, i mean, rn im re listening to SOUR by Olivia Rodriguez AGAIN bc thats the way my life is going SIGH, Olivia is my favourite basic artist fr, nothing compares to listening to SOUR for the first time in 2021
ANYWAYS, thanks again for the tag i really appreciate it, im gonna tag @ezisregrettinglifedecisions @fabeong @whatssthepooiintt
#tag game#these are so fun im such a yapper#i love talking abt myself#sass i really appreciate u tagging me it means the world to me fr#also punctuation who????#need to fix up so bad im so bad at typing with punctuation this is AWFUL
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𝄞 EMPTY DOORWAYS „
+ brand new look, same great taste!
MY COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN!
i. about me⠀|⠀ii. tags⠀|⠀iii. socials
iv. my fandoms⠀|⠀v. frequent fronters
♪ i. ABOUT ME ... hello! i'm henry (it/he), and i'm the guy who runs the blog and also am the host of the system. we don't have time to get into all that, though.
i'm primarily an artist, but i also occasionally mess around with text posts and edits, and i write on the side. it's gonna be a mixed bag with my content, so be ready!
i'm also liable to just... post things. like random thoughts or headcanons or character analysis and sometimes just absolutely incompressible nonsense. so if you see me on your dash with posts that read like i'm standing in front of a corkboard with pins and red string, this is your fair warning.
♪ ii. TAGS ... to make navigating my block a little bit easier, here's a list of tags i use and what they're for!
♩ #doorways art ... for finished pieces, or works with more effort put into them.
♫ #doorways doodles ... for wips, or just silly little doodles.
♩ #doorways writing ... for snippets of fics, or links to entire works (AO3 only).
♫ #doorways asks ... every post that is me responding to an ask will have this tag.
♩ #doorways chats ... this is what i'll post things like headcanons, random thoughts, etc.
♫ #doorways reblogs ... what it says on the tin, i'll put this tag on anything i reblog from anyone else.
♩ #doorways drafts ... they probably should have stayed in drafts, but...
♫ #doorways sillys ... for random miscellaneous nonsense shitposts.
♫ #attorney crossing... for the silly little au in which everything is generally the exact same, but they're all silly little animals, in a sort of aggretsuko or animal crossing way.
♩ #objection is magic ... ace attorney, but if they were my little ponies. i might not post about this much, but if i do... you're welcome? i guess?
♫ #twitch attorney ... for the collab au between me and a friend that's ace attorney, but they're all minecraft twitch streamers.
♩ #ventureverse ... an original cast based in an mlp G4 adjacent universe, that's meant to have a more dnd-like plot than anything.
♪ iii. SOCIALS ... this one will be short, this is just gonna compile all my socials and important links into one short place. ps, my side blog for reblogs and misc stuff is @emptierdoorways!!
♩ socials ... discord , twitter , tiktok , ao3
♫ links ... rentry , carrd , shop
♪ iv. MY FANDOMS ... another quick one! this one is mostly important so you can know what you'll see my post about. i'll almost exclusively post about the first two, but anything after is a general possibility you may see on my blog. main ones are bolded!
♩ spinterests ... ace attorney, pokémon, my little pony, vocaloid, dying light
♫ hyperfixes ... cookie run, resident evil... other things?
♩ shows ... arcane, good omens, sweet tooth, inside job, our flag means death, be and puppycat
♫ games ... ddlc, danganronpa, fnaf, undertale/deltarune, the sims, rhythm games (generally), wobbledogs
♩ music ... will wood, mitski, adrianne lenker, phoebe bridgers, weird al, ewao, modern baseball, the front bottoms, glass beach, mcr, +more
♫ misc ... wings of fire, mcyt (very select few cc)
♪ v. FREQUENT FRONTERS ... hey, remember when i said we didn't have time to get into all of that right now? guess what! now we do! we're getting into it now. we're a p-did system and these are our frequent fronters, their pronouns, their role, and their signoff. which may or may not be important, but just in case.
♩ henry (me) ... host, it/he — n/a
♫ charlie ... idk, he/they/it — 🦠
♩ edward ... private role, he/it — <?>
♫ klein ... the gay one?, he/she — 🗯️
♩ kristoph ... protector, he/him — 🎻
♪ vi. FIN ... and that's a wrap! thanks for tagging along for this obnoxiously long intro post. i'll see you around! ta-ta!
— emptydoorways 𖹭
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Hi Jkk anon!
I admire your dedication, that was a long ass ask you sent me. I'm not gonna post it, because even though you seem to think I know nothing about what Jkkrs believe... I actually do and what you have sent me was nothing new to me. You can actually go through my blog and look at all the asks on this topic... your side has sent me a lot.
What you have sent me is proof of Jm and Jk's close bond and I never said that they aren’t close. They're best friends who have spent a huge part of their lives together, more than best friends do on a regular base. To me, that is the perfect explanation of why Jm and Jk interact the way they do.
You take issue with me saying Jkkrs rely on the "grand moments". I'm not sure what you want from me, I'm really not going to apologize for that. I do actually think that those big moments (Rose Bowl, GCF Tokyo, the bite) are the pillars of your believes. I have no problem with Atomix possibly being a group visit, it would change nothing about what I believe in general. Your side however holds on strongly to those moments, they come back in every argument. You even use them yourself, while trying to tell me it's much more than those moments. I am well aware of all the things you all have decided is proof. But Jkkrs agreeing with Jkkrs doesn't really do much for me. I don't care how big those accounts you sent me are.. to me they're still fanaccounts. Someone with only ten followers might just as well be right as someone with thousands.
I've thought about what it is exactly that makes all of you see this wrongly... and I think I've landed on the unwillingness to place Jm and Jk and Tae into a bigger context. It's as though you pic Jm and Jk and try to make them fit the mold of a regular romantic couple. They never do quite fit the mold though.. and that's when you all start to insert your own ideas. Jm, Jk and Tae are part of a bigger picture though. You have to place them and their behaviors into the context of society, business strategies, group behavior, etc... and all of you don't do that. The biggest thing Jkkrs don't seem to be able to grasp, is that we are not looking at a regular couple in love. The openness and obviousness you all talk about.. is the obviousness of friendship. In SK an in-band-same-sex-idol-couple would never be highlighted the way Jm and JK are. It is just not possible. GCF Tokyo would never have been released if it had been about their romantic relationship. They would never have entered the military together if they were actually together. BH would have tried to hide them (to protect them and their business) not showcase them. So while you think everything you have seen of them is a sign of them being together, I know.. that cannot be true. They're not fake, their bond isn't fanservice.. but their bond is a safe bet for BH. It is risk-free. If you were to take a close look at Tae and Jk (and to me it is obvious you have not, otherwise you would not have sent me some of the JKk examples you have) you would maybe (no probably not.. you seem quite stubborn) see that their relationship actually would fit that of a closeted idol couple. You make fun of our "focus on eye contact, looks, taekook sitting so close to each other lol, or them knowing details about each other" but that is a huge part of how one would recognize two people in love... especially when that couple cannot act on their love publicly.
If you really want me to relay every point you made in your long ask... go through my straws and ship analysis tag... I'm convinced you will find everything there already.
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intro post <3

Hey there!
Im Jamie and my pronouns are They/She/he
Im a neurospicy minor (but I will swear and also am fine being moots with/talking to adults as long as no one is a creep to me it’s all good)
Uhhh welcome to my online diary :|
Happy to make friends if u want - feel free to DM me
online diary blog w lots of Neil Gaiman reblogs bc he’s my idol

Fun facts about me:
Umm ok (trying to think of fun facts now)
Im Italian but grew up in England, would love some more Italian moots <3
my favourite authors are Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett (but it’s been like that since before I read good omens lmao) also Rick Riordan and Alice Oseman
certified gravity falls child
if u couldn’t tell by the URL I’m obsessed with Greek and Roman mythology
nostalgic for a time I wasn’t even alive - late 80s and early 90s mainly but also like 70s
nostalgic for a time I WAS alive (barely but it still counts bc I do remember it) - the late 2000s
I did a quiz to see what Beatles band member I’d be and got Paul Mcartney
damn u rlly don’t realise how boring u r till u try and do an about me huh

Music I like:
Hozier, Olivia Rodrigo, Conan Gray, Harry Styles, YUNGBLUD, Beatles, Elton John, Queen, Renée Rapp, TV girl, bears in trees, Ricky Montgomery, NOAHFINNCE, MARINA, Fleetwood Mac
getting into:
Nirvana [used to love them a few years ago but then a mean girl made fun of me for it so I stopped listening to them but I’m starting again]
Dominic Fike Paramore
mother mother
MCR
the neighbourhood

The tags I will use:
Jamie answers asks - u guessed it this is for answering any asks
the most boring soap opera - my life stuff because my life is the most boring soap opera
MOTD - mood of the day which is just a lil thing I do
for the record:
I stand with Palestine 🇵🇸
please click here every day:
also free Ukraine 🇺🇦
aro and ace people are LGBTQ+ and this is an aro and ace and aroace safe blog
in general this is a COMPLETELY safe space
if u want anyone to talk to btw I’m always here to chat, can’t guarantee i’ll be able to help but I am always willing to listen literally any time we don’t even have to be moots or anything just DM me ok? Ily all take care of yourselves ok loves? <3
Also one last thing just for ppl that know me, I have no problem with u following this blog or anything but be warned that I’m not gonna filter my opinion at all on here bc I need a place to be myself and if u don’t want to see that i understand and idm just pls don’t take it as a personal attack or anything if u ever think something I post relates to you, I promise it’s not I just need to vent <3
My MOTD ratings:
0-2 > feeling really really really shitty
3-4 > shitty like I have too much sadness and anger and everything inside me and it feels horrible and yeah yk [reckless behaviour is strong here for me + pretty strong intrusive thoughts]
5 > normal. Numb. Yucky. Normal level of intrusive thoughts [for me at least, everyone is different]
6-7 > smol happy, probably was a bad day that got better
7-8 > :D
9-10 > fucking ecstatic
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