#am i going to get the closure i begged for all those months ago??

[quietblissxx]

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[bardic-tales]

I noticed you mentioned something happened two years ago. If it’s not prying too much, would you be comfortable sharing what happened?

Hi, Nonny. I hope you are having a good day. I'm going to put this under a read more since it does talk about death.

I want to take some time to thank @prehistoric-creatures for supporting me at the time.

Two years ago, my family lost a cousin in a fatal car crash. She was only 17 at the time on Halloween. This hit my family -- and my daughter -- especially hard. Two years later, my daughter cannot even hear the name of our cousin. She refuses to take a test to get her driver's license. The outcome of the trial wasn't closure or justice at all. Basically the prosecutor said that 'this was a good kid and he made a mistake'. That mistake took away our cousin. Things in my family has never been the same.

Then, we lost my emotional support cat that following June. Not a year had pass and Loki became really sick. He ended up being diagnosis with cancer and was gone a month later. Loki was one of those special animals. I was devastated. That grief combined with losing the cousin earlier just made everything feel like it was imploding around me.

This was when I started to take a long break from Tumblr. I wasn't in the right headspace to participate in Writeblr. All my original stories had a taint to them. I still can't work on them without crying and feeling grief. That's when I decided to devote all my attention to my passion project: Fantasy Worlds Collide.

Almost a year ago, my husband lost his aunt to Covid. This was on last Thanksgiving. It hurt, but I didn't cry. At the time, I was fatigued? I guess shell-shocked? I don't know. All I know is I was numb. The following week, I got a call from my mom. My grandfather, the man who raised me and was like a dad to me, was in the hospital. We knew for a while that he was going downhill, but it didn't prepare me. We lost him last Jan.

I remember crying once when I found out. My husband took off from work that day and we made plans to go to the funeral. It was snowing really bad, so we couldn't go. I live about 4 hours away from where I grew up. We get Lake Effect snow. My grandmother begged me not to go, and I listened to her. After all, it was about her comfort. We didn't attend the funeral. And I feel - Honestly, I don't know how I feel about that, Nonny. I ended up celebrating his life instead by having some of his favorite foods and watching his favorite movies.

The next month, because I was away from Tumblr for so long, I decided to come back and check in with the friends I made on here. I wasn't ready to be back completely. But I found out that one of my closest friends on here passed away while I was gone. I still feel lots of guilt about that, but I know she wouldn't want me to feel that way. That is why I started the Creator's Club: to give back.

As of now, I can't touch any original work that I was working on during the time when all of that happened. I want to continue to work on my passion project. I am in a better place mentally, but there are still times when I go to some really dark places, such as my husband and I were talking and I suddenly started to cry about a month ago.

However, I am the strong one in the family. Everyone is looking at me, so I did a lot of journaling to get to the place where I am. The pain will never go away. I don't think it does when you have five deaths that happened over the span of two years. I just have to keep going one step at a time.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

I have been waiting for this i want more Poppy Playtime fics around and now is a chance! I am so bad at thinking of prompts I am so sorry if this doesn't sound okay- and I feel the need to ask for it to be a platonic fic please-?

Maybe a Reader that was an ex-designer for the toys designs, and Huggy Wuggy being one of their favorites, so when they see the giant Huggy Wuggy statue, creature, they express outwardly how proud they are of how Huggy turned out and how much they love their design and wish they could hug em themself abit whilst talking to themself, and during when huggy is gone expresses some small bit of disappointment before realization hits, and during the chases Huggy, instead of murder when catches, instead actually hugs, leaving the reader both absolutely terrified, relieved, and utterly confused, and after a long while gets let go, and Huggy either hangs around them still and becomes like a guard dog or heads off on his own you can decide that- sorry if this is confusing or weird,,- ;w;

- Salt Anon (imsorryifitsterribleimsobadatthinkingofprompts)

"Everyone thinks the staff disappeared 10 years ago. We're still here. FIND THE FLOWER."

You repeated the words of the note given to you by an anonymous sender, keeping them fresh in your mind.

A while ago the letter showed up in your mailbox, and at first you had absolutely no idea what it was talking about.

But then..you finally remembered that old toy facility.

Playtime Co, a place dedicated to bringing joy to children around the world with lifelike toys.

Being an ex-designer of most of them, including your favorite one Huggy Wuggy, you've come up with ideas for their appearances and functions. But that's about it really. The rest of the process was locked behind closed doors, and you mysteriously got sick when you questioned what exactly brought them to life.

Well, you took your sick day for the month, which would end up being your last day affiliated with the company ever. Nobody answered when you called after recovering and news broke out regarding the company's entire shutdown, allegedly due to families discovering massive amounts of blood while on a tour at your facility.

You knew they weren't the most sanitary, but jeez..you didn't think it'd be that bad.

It was a disappointing to see the Huggy Wuggys and other toys get pulled off the shelves. It broke your heart just as much as the children's.

In a way, it made you feel like you've put all your blood, sweat, and tears into the toys for...nothing.

Despite this abrupt change, you tried putting it out of your mind and moved on, finding a normal job that didn't involve anything unusual like what you've experienced.

Then your life was turned upside down once more with the arrival of this letter, hinting that your less-than-fortunate ex-coworkers were somehow still alive.

Your gut and logic begged you to burn it and forget that place, for the sake of your sanity.

But....this was your best chance at getting closure.

You secretly hoped to find answers, through studying old VHS tapes for anything unusual and even contacting the families of those coworkers. Oddly enough even they had no idea what happened. Their loved ones seemingly disappeared like a blip on the radar, and are still reported missing to this very day.

As for the facility itself, the mysteries turned into a "ghost story" around town--where the toys supposedly became possessed after being abandoned, and were still awaiting vengeance on their creators.

Back then you gave up on finding answers.

But now? One simple letter with a familiar flower has drawn you back here.

And here you stood, with the blue arm of the Grabby Pack, a contraption you immediately recognized. With a sigh you adjusted the shoulder strap, gazing upon the tall Huggy Wuggy statue that towered over everything else.

He wasn't just a stone or marble statue but the biggest Huggy to date, made with the same string and polyester as his smaller sellable counterparts. You've put your heart and soul into designing him and proposed the idea of him being the mascot, given how his popularity just soared.

It was a shame no child would get to have another Huggy again. To feel the happiness of one clinging to them and comforting them whenever they needed a friend.

But at least this one was still here. Elliot always addressed him as "Experiment 1006", though of course he'll always be "Huggy" to you. He was more than just a number.

"Wow..you still look amazing even after all this time." You muttered in awe. "I miss you bud, and...I wish I can give you a big hug. Just for old time's sake."

As expected, only silence greeted you. But that was fine. Huggys weren't much for conversation anyways, only hugs.

"I'm proud of what we built together. I'm proud of you." You whispered before snatching the key he held, venturing to the power room.

'That silly red arm has to be here somewhere.'

What you missed, though, were the pair of eyes that slowly shifted towards the section of the factory you departed to.

..........

After doing some electrical maintenance, you returned to the main wing to check on Huggy, only to find he had vanished.

While you were initially disappointed to see him gone..it dawned on you that maybe he heard your words.

Of course..he would've had to.

Why else would he move from his post? Though you weren't entirely sure what he could be up to or where he could be.

Regardless, you had to look for the flower. And you kept your sights on that as you ventured throughout the facility, eventually finding the other arm and using both to assist you with various tasks.

Then came the Make-A-Friend section, where you had to complete the rite of passage that was assembling a toy to open the next door. The "Nobody Leaves Without A Toy" sign was clear indication that you weren't going anywhere until you've put a toy on the scanner.

So you hummed quietly to yourself as you got right to work turning on the machines, assembling a Cat-Bee. If it were up to you, you'd try to make a Huggy, but your options were obviously limited. So you work with what you have to progress.

It could've been just the nerves of being alone in a creepy place for so long, but you felt the machines' eyes watching you the entire time...just like Huggy was.

Oh well, the sooner you found a sign of that flower, the easier this'll be. You had nothing to be afraid of.

After grabbing the finished Cat-Bee off of the conveyor belt, you brought it to the scanner. You designed her, too, and were happy with the way she turned out.

You remember just suggesting you combine a bee and a cat into one creature. A simple suggestion that took off fast, though not nearly as fast as Huggy.

With a small sigh, you let go of the handles of the pack to give her a quick hug for good luck, before placing her on the scanner. After a few moments, you saw the green check mark being displayed as the door opened.

You found yourself facing a small hallway with two locked doors and...a completely dark corridor straight ahead.

Now if you've learned anything from horror movies, this is exactly the part where some creepy monster lunges at you from the darkness. 'There's no monsters here, though...' You thought with great uncertainty as that ultimately failed to comfort you.

All you could feel was a sense of dread, just by thinking that.

But what monster did you have to be afraid of..except-

'No..stop it. He isn't a threat.'

However in the very next moment, after you've taken a few steps closer to the darkness...

You would realized how horribly, horribly wrong you were.

Huggy silently appeared from the shadows, almost as if he materialized out of thin air. He loomed over you with a wide smile, one that was full of wet, pink, fleshy gums that seemed all-too-human. His thin sharp teeth were arranged in such a way that looked like a mouth within a mouth.

You definitely did not design him with those features at all.

"H-Huggy? What are you...h-hey! Stay back!"

Realizing how close he was getting, you backed away into the previous room, wondering why he was acting like he wanted to...to eat you. His gaze was unblinking, mouth hanging open like a ravenous dog as he showed no signs of understanding your commands to stop.

But before long you heard alarms and glanced over your shoulder, seeing the door to the ventilation shaft had opened.

No way could that be a coincidence.

Someone else was watching you.

You didn't know who, what, why, or how. But you knew one thing for certain:

You had to get the fuck out of here.

"I'm sorry, Huggy. Please don't follow me!" You ran to the door, jumping onto the conveyor belt before rushing inside the ventilation system. Despite the obvious "DO NOT ENTER" sign plastered beside it, you had no other choice.

Unfortunately you had to duck down as you navigated through it, which didn't help the weight of the pack. But you could manage it for the time being.

Though you heard nothing behind you, and you figured it was better if you didn't look back at all. Not even once. You just kept your eyes forward. There were a lot of slopes and holes you could easily fall through, so you watched your step as well.

Ahead of you were some grates, and you froze in fear upon seeing Huggy turn the corner and rush over to you, before turning left and disappearing.

He didn't crawl. He was actually crouched, using his long limbs to shuffle through the tight spaces. The vents didn't impede his movement whatsoever.

In fact..he was still faster than you.

The only way to go was left, so you did and tried to keep an eye out for the monstrous toy. You were no maintenance worker, so you had absolutely no idea where you were going or where he'll pop up.

All you could do was pray that your body won't end up decaying and rotting in here--adding to the stench of death that already swamped this entire place.

You noticed spraypainted words on the walls, like "DANGER" and "DON'T", wondering if someone left those messages here as a warning.

It would be more helpful if they showed themselves and told you what the hell was going on here.

By some miracle you've evaded Huggy long enough to find a way out, sliding down a ramp that sent you straight out onto a catwalk. The vent door slammed shut soon after, allowing you to catch your breath.

You noticed a giant box up above you with red, green, and blue handprints on it. Before you can react, the door burst open and Huggy screeched, leaping over to you.

"Shit-!!!"

He had you trapped in his hold, hoisting you up high above his head. You could only look down in terror, seeing his gums drip saliva, and you closed your eyes as you awaited the inevitable.

Dying here, without learning anything about your coworkers or why your beloved creation had betrayed you.

Maybe this was your punishment for being so nosy. For blindly trusting that damned letter.

Yet you felt no pain, instead there was only..

Softness?

Opening your eyes, you found yourself faced with a furred blue chest, arms gently squeezing you.

Just like..a hug.

"H-Huggy..?" You murmured, confused, terrified, and..oddly enough relieved.

Of course, this is what he wanted from you: a hug after not seeing a single human in forever.

Maybe you were overreacting when you first saw him approach you.

He genuinely made you feel scared for your life, so...why did you feel so guilty for running?

You were filled with conflicting emotions.

After a minute or two had passed, Huggy finally set you down and did nothing else, except crouch to see your face better. You looked into his glossy plastic eyes, noticing almost..humanlike ones within them.

Or maybe it was just a weird reflection, or your own eyes playing tricks on you.

You didn't know what to believe anymore.

But you released all the tension within you with a forced laugh. "Oh Huggy..you should've told me that's all you wanted." You sighed, feeling your heartrate calming down. "You were probably excited to see me, huh?"

Nodding, he patted you on the head gently. Then he perked up and crawled past you, grabbing the boxes blocking your way and throwing them into the foggy abyss below.

It was quite a long way down, indeed.

"Oh! Thank you." You also saw, across several more catwalks, the giant painted poppy flower on the opposite wall. A door appeared to be in its center.

"FIND THE FLOWER"

That's right. That's your original objective.

You wondered how Huggy knew, but when you turned around to question him, he had disappeared back into the vents.

Finally..you realized something you've been blind to all along: he wasn't just chasing you around to get the chance to hug you.

He was also showing you the way forward.

[ejojorg]

Hey, My World Champion (let's go home)

Lewis Hamilton x Nico Rosberg

Theme: Angst if you squint, fluff, kissing...

They say time changes people. Well... Let's see.

-----------++----------

"Who's this?"

Lewis' voice was raspy. Who could blame him? He just won his 8th world title. Shouting and celebrating is given, no? 5 years of waiting, 5 years of drought, 5 years of trying on getting back his title from Max Verstappen, and he's here, finally, on top of the podium adrenaline rushing through his veins.

"Hey, World Champion."

He did not see the caller's ID, but Nico's voice was strangely familiar. He could tell that the other man's voice was trembling, he could tell that the man on the other side of the call was trying to calm himself and trying to be sincere. How did he know all of these? Well, they grew up together, inseparable rather.

2016, 9 years, 11 months, and 13 days ago. Not like Lewis is counting it.

He clutched his trophy in his chest and went away from the conversation he was having with Daniel and Max after the podium celebration. He thank them one last time for congratulating him despite the rivalry and ignored their worried look and went to his driver's room. Thankful that the couple did not ask who was on the other side of the call.

"Why are you calling?"

It came out harsh. Again you could not blame him. Monaco 2023 was their last civil chat, 2 years ago. A Microphone on Nico's hands while Lewis was behind the media pen.

He heard Nico's breath, a shakey one and he instinctively wet his lower lips trying to think of what to say next but Nico beat him into it.

"Can I speak? Please... Just let me finish."

With so much hesitation in the former racer's voice, Lewis swears he can hear Nico almost beg or he's just assuming? Yeah, whatever, that's not what important right now. The important thing is... Why now? Why did Nico decide to call now when he's happy and celebrating? Why for all those years he did not even try contacting Lewis? What's so important about today? Is it because he won?

"Alright, speak."

He answered curtly after the long pause between them. A sigh left his lips. He can already feel the aftermath of the celebration. So he sat on a chair still clutching his trophy against his chest.

"Congrats first of all. I'm happy- proud of you, you know? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... It was my fault, the crash, our fight, and the 2015-'16 seasons. I was so angry, afraid, and hurt. I-- I- And because of it, I pushed you away and never informed you about my upcoming retirement. I am an idiot I know. I'm afraid of my reputation, afraid of everyone, afraid of how our sports work, afraid of how love works in our job. I'm an Idiot and a coward for leaving you after my WDC and retirement and not contacting you any longer. I'm exhausted, tired of everything. Tired of hiding for 9 years. Tired of not being with you... I... I love you, Lew, I still do, I miss you I love you. W-would you forgive me and come home with me??" He suddenly remembers he's not the only one who's hurting, there's Nico too who left but carries most of the burden.

Silence... Long silence. Home, Miss, Love... Nico still misses him, Nico still loves him, and Nico still wants to be home with him. He wants to scream and say yes over and over again but he can't. He was frozen in his place silent tears streaming down his cheeks. He thought he would never be with Nico again and be alone and hurt without any closure. Guess what? He was wrong. 9 years of misunderstanding, 9 years of no one who truly understands him was changed by Nico who decided to be the adult and mature one in the relationship.

A pregnant pause, their breathing was the only sign that no one hangs up the call. That Nico was still there waiting for Lewis' answer. That there's someone still waiting for him.

He stood up in his place, the trophy was long forgotten on top of the chair. He was breathing heavily and his heart beating at the speed of his formula 1 car. He started running outside his driver's room going through the garage. "Where were you??? Please tell me where were you, Erik...?"

"Never thought of you using my second name again, Lew."

He stops on his track. Standing right in front of him was the love of his life. His Nico.

"Nico."

He whispered walking towards Nico.

"Hey, My World Champion."

Nico said smiling, kissing Lewis' forehead in the process. Burying his face on top of Lewis' locks. What a special day to remember.

"Told yah, Maxy! I heard his voice! It was him who was on the phone."

Daniel Shouted enthusiastically through the crowds of mechanics and Drivers. Whereas Max jabbed his boyfriend's stomach at the same time. Lewis turned his head away from Nico's chest 'ahh that's why it was so quiet.' He thought looking around the sea of fans giving them the privacy they deserved by being quiet except for one Daniel Ricciardo and although you won't call it privacy because it was in public.

Nico turned his head again towards him, kissing him slowly while tears started flowing through their both closed eyes. "Please... Don't let go of me again." Lewis almost begs, embracing Nico tightly.

"That's what I fucking thought!" You can hear Kimi shouting against the crowd's noise and Sebastian's 'language!' After that. Wait... Since when did Kimi return to the Paddock? He can understand Seb as he became one of the team principals in the grid, but his husband? Eh... Whatever, it's not time for Lewis to think about it. He has Nico by his side and that's enough for him.

"I love you, Nico... Let's go home." He stated quietly reaching for Nico's right hand.

"Ich Liebe Dich, Lew Lew."

What a race to finish, and a beautiful season to close. A new beginning will emerge and Lewis is sure it will be exciting knowing Nico is beside him.

They are not afraid anymore, and maybe Racing is their home.

[in-ky]

An Old Scent [1] - Negan x Reader (A/B/O AU)

Summary: During summer break, you decide to come back home to visit your dad, Rick. Over the course of your stay, you realize that your dad's friend is pretty hot.

Warnings: Eventual smut, A/B/O dynamics, cheating, age gap, Negan

A/N: yay first fic! this will have four parts! i hope everyone enjoys. this is an au where the apocalypse never happened. 3.2k words

I squinted as I stepped out into the bright Virginian sun. People swarmed all around me, creating the steady hum of airport ambience that I had grown accustomed to over the years. I had just gotten off a four-hour flight home from college and all I wanted to do was shower and curl up in bed. But I couldn't. Oh, no. First I had to endure a fun thirty-minute car ride with my best friend since second grade. I scanned the curb in front of me for her small black car and caught sight of a tall woman waving at me. I grinned and walked forward, tugging along my baggage behind me.

"Ugh, it's so good to see you, Bee." I sighed as I enveloped my friend into a large hug. She let out a laugh and swayed us gently.

"It's good to see you, too," She hummed, rustling my hair "I forgot how short you were." Bee was an alpha; tall, muscular, and very quick to remind me of our differences. Of course, it was in a 'joking with love' kind of way. I was an omega; small, rounded, and very quick to punch her gently in the abdomen.

"I forgot how much of a jerk you are." I quipped, huffing and wheeling my bag to her trunk.

"Oh, come on, babes, don't be like that," Bee laughed, opening the driver side door and waiting for me to walk back to my side. "Now get in, we've got a lot of catching up to do."

---

"How are your heats going?"

"Jesus, that's what you want to start with?" I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest. Bee shrugged.

"We don't have to if you don't want to," She clarified, turning out onto the street "I'm just saying, I know they've gotten pretty bad as we've gotten older. Did you try out those tips I sent you?"

"Yea, I did," I said quietly, looking at the trees rushing by on the side of the highway "They worked for a while but..."

"But you need an alpha," Bee sighed, finishing the sentence for me.

"That's the plan for this summer," I agreed "Might finally settle down."

"You know, I'm always here if you need me." She said with a wink. I scoffed at her.

"I'm not that desperate," I laughed, shoving her lightly "Not yet, at least."

"Anyone take your interest back in Colorado?"

"Not really," I hummed, tilting my head in consideration. "There was this one guy. We dated for a few months but towards the end he became a total knot-head. He couldn't keep his hands off me. I thought it was cute at first, but after I started to miss a few classes...well, that shit got old pretty quickly." Bee made a disgusted noise.

"Ugh, men," She grunted, wrinkling her nose "I'm glad I never went through that phase. I'm perfectly happy with chicks, thank you very much. Much less of a pain in my ass."

"Oh, they're not so bad," I smirked "I think it's just alphas in general." She glared at me momentarily and I stuck my tongue out at her. We drove in a comfortable silence for a few moments, just enjoying each other's company. That was always something I loved about Bee. We never had to fill every second with chatter, we could just exist together in the same space and be just as content. She started to hum along to the song that buzzed softly from the radio and my eyes tracked a hawk. Soon enough, we reached our exit and Bee turned the car onto a smaller road, starting the countdown to my arrival home.

"Are you excited to see your dad?" Bee asked, killing the silence.

"Yea, I am," I smiled. We hadn't always had the best of relationships, but the distance that college gave had done wonders for us. A few texts and calls had worked perfectly for us. When he invited me to stay a few weeks during summer I gladly accepted. I wanted to see just how well our relationship had strengthened. Plus I knew he really needed someone.

"How's he doing?" There was genuine concern in Bee's voice. A few months ago, my mom had revealed that she had been having an affair with one of dad's work buddies. She left with him and took my brother down to Georgia.

"I think he's okay. But you know dad, he's not really an emotions guy. He was starting to get some closure but then the divorce papers came in the mail. That really hurt him," I told her, twisting a strand of my hair around my finger. "I just don't know how Lori could do that to him, you know? She won't even let Carl up to visit. The new baby's cute, though. Looks just like Shane." Bee hummed in acknowledgement.

"Well, tell him I said hi, alright?"

"Will do." A few more seconds of silence passed. Until we stopped at a light. Bee looked up and spotted a billboard that sported a very familiar, very handsome face.

"Holy shit!" Bee shrieked, slapping my arm.

"Ow, what the hell?" I hissed, grabbing my shoulder. She pointed frantically at the sign.

"That guy! Isn't that, shit- the hell's his name?" Pulling my eyes from my lap, I let them settle on the object of her excitement. All of the color drained from my face. It was an add for a law firm. There was an old geezer posing proudly on the left, and to his right, was the man who haunted my wet dreams for the majority of high school.

"Negan." I gulped.

"Yea, your dad's hot friend you never shut up about." Bee groaned, pressing on the gas and moving us away from the sign. Negan was a lawyer/make-shift-law-professor and baseball coach at the local community college. He had a sort-of contract with my dad's department. Many times I had come home after school to the two of them puzzling out a case on the kitchen table. Negan was an alpha of alphas, something that got my little omega heart (and other things) pumping until I couldn't breath. His humor and dominating persona made me blush a deep crimson color any time I saw him. Sometimes I would spend hours sitting on the stairs just listening to him talk to my dad. His voice was something else. I had gushed to Bee about him countless times during our times at high school. But I hadn't seen him since my graduation party.

"I wonder if you'll see him again," Bee teased, nudging me again to pull me out of my trance of memories. Then, she did a dramatic gasp. "What if he's your mate?" It was my turn to slap her in the shoulder.

"He's older than my dad!" I squealed, burying my now-blushing cheeks in my hands.

"You're an adult I don't think it matters."

"I think he's engaged."

"Just 'cause there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't scoooore." Bee pulled a face at me and I returned her grimace.

"Whatever, you're lucky we're almost at my house." I huffed, falling back into my seat with my arms crossed over my chest.

"Oh, yea, omega? What are you gonna do?" I rolled my eyes as she laughed off my grumpiness. We rolled to a stop in front of my driveway and a leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks so much, Bee, I really appreciate you," I grinned, popping open the door.

"No problem, babes," She winked, unlocking the trunk "But I swear to the gods, you better fucking call me and give me updates on everything, especially if you run into Mr. Hotcakes." I rolled my eyes once more and promised her I would before closing the door. I retrieved my bag and gave her a wave as she drove down the street. When she was out of view, I took a deep breath and turned around, walking up the driveway to the front door.

I knocked heavily on the dark oak door. While I waited for someone to answer, I decided to look around at the home I had left behind about a year ago. My childhood home had changed now and then over the years, but there were still some iconic pieces of memories in the front yard that could never be forgotten. My personal favorite was Eddie the garden gnome. He was a standard gnome: small and stout with a large white beard that led into a pointy red hat. His eyes were shut and his mouth was curved into a smile. However, he was missing a nose. I grinned as I recalled the unfortunate mishap that caused Eddie to become deformed. I was about twelve, and carl was five. He had gotten a kid's baseball from Negan for his birthday and had begged me to teach him how to play, since I was on the local softball team at the time. I relented and set it up in the front yard. Eddie was our outfielder. Eddie didn't have a mitt. Well, he did, but it was his face. Carl absolutely smashed the first pitch I tossed at him and hit poor Eddie right in the face, shattering his round, pink nose into pieces. Carl bursted into tears and I had to promise him that he did not in fact kill our precious protector of our house. Lori ran out frantically and comforted her son before giving me a thorough chewing out for damaging Eddie. We never used the set again. That she knew of, anyways. Negan always let us play in his yard, though. I smiled at the memory, but the clicking of the lock to the door pulled me from my train of thought. The door swung open and I was met with the smiling face of my father.

"Sweetie, I'm so glad you made it!" He laughed, pulling me in swiftly and squeezing me tight.

"It's good to see you too, dad." I croaked, letting out a small chuckle. I tapped on his shoulder as a signal for him to let go.

"How was the flight?" He asked as he stepped out to grab my bag. I told him it was good but that the screaming kids had given me a bit of a headache. He gave a small laugh and gestured for me to enter. I thanked him and he rolled my bag in behind me. We exchanged a few words but as soon as I walked through the kitchen into the doorway of the living room I was hit by a wall. Not literally, no, but rather a wall of overwhelming scent. It was a delicious swirl of campfire and whiskey, with a hint of cigarettes and leather. I paused for a moment, my eyes forced closed and my lungs taking a deep breath of the intoxicating air. Colors danced across my eyelids. My whole body was flooded with warmth and my toes tingled. I felt safe and calm, and there was something else; something deep within my stomach that I couldn't quite identify, something I never felt before. My eyes snapped open when I felt my father's hand rest firmly on my shoulder.

"I hope you don't mind, sweetie, but I invited company over while I was waiting for you to arrive," He smiled at me. I got a good look at him then. He looked the same, his hair was a bit longer, a bit greyer. But his eyes were different. They were darker, rounder, rawer. I gave a soft smile and told him it was fine. He guided me into the living room. It was then I realized where that deadly smell was coming from. Or, rather, who it was coming from. "Negan, you remember my girl." In that moment, I held my breath as I scanned Negan. He looked fucking amazing, just as he always had. Perfect dimples guarding a charming smile, all surrounded by a gorgeous salt and pepper beard. His hair was longer than it was when I had left, not slicked back, but it still framed his face perfectly. Negan's body was draped casually over the sectional couch, legs crossed at the ankle on the ottoman. His arms were on the top of the couch and his wrists were dangling. He knew he was hot. That bastard. I suddenly became aware of his eyes raking over my form and I shifted from one foot to the other.

"'course I do, Rick," Negan said, voice silky and deep. I couldn't help but let a small shudder run down my spine. All I wanted to do was kneel down in front of him and curl up at his feet. I forced my inner omega down, shaking the thought from my head. "How could I forget the little slugger?" I cringed inside at the nickname. Especially the use of the word 'little'. I begged that he didn't still see me as the kid down the street. Instead as a grown woman. A grown omega.

"Hi, Negan." I greeted with a small smile, swallowing to relieve my dry throat. Now that I was next to him, his scent was clogging all my senses. I gripped onto the couch and lowered myself onto the cushion, hoping to ground myself. It helped, just barely. My heart was pounding, my instincts telling me to submit to this man in front of me. Why, though? Why now? He had never smelled this good before. No alpha had. Was I getting close to my heat? I did have a stomach ache, but that could be from Negan alone.

"Hey, sweetheart. How's college goin'?" Negan asked, sipping on his drink. He kept eye contact with me the whole time. Rick handed me a glass of soda and I thanked him.

"It's good!" I said after taking a sip, thankful for the hydration in my coarse throat "Towards the end it got a little hectic, but I was able to stay on top of everything, thankfully."

"You're studying film, right?" He asked, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

"That's right," I grinned, crossing my legs to relieve some of the pressure the movement caused to build up in my lower abdomen "You still teaching law?" This caused him to chuckle. Literally music to my ear.

"If that's what you want to fuckin' call it." Negan sighed, falling back to his original position, hands resting in his lap "I talk, the kids kinda listen. I just do it for the coaching job, really. You remember how much I love that damn sport, right?"

"Baseball?" I asked, raising a brow "You mean the only thing you talked about at all of the Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners you were invited to?"

"Touché." Negan grinned. Goddamn that smile. Butterflies erupted in my chest, beating hard against my ribcage, begging to throw myself at his chest and bury myself in him. Rick cleared his throat and smiled at me to get my attention.

"I want to know more about your college experience!" He beamed, rubbing a hand through his beard "Any special alphas you've got your eyes on?" I heard Negan choke slightly on his whiskey. A small bubble of pride rose in my chest. I laughed at his words.

"Dad, I don't think Negan wants to hear about my love life."

"Shit, doll, I don't mind," He grumbled "I don't get to hear any drama now-a-days"

"What do you mean?" I giggled, tilting my head "You argue for a living. Your job is to literally deal with drama."

"Yea, but that's complex drama," He growled, waving his hand dismissively "I wanna hear simple, schoolgirl 'he loves me, he loves me not' kind of bullshit."

"Well sorry to disappoint," I snorted, running a hand through my hair "but no, there's no one I have an eye on." Dad's smile turned into a frown.

"Shame." I heard Negan whisper. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to hear it. It was quiet, barely above his breath, and he said it while twirling his whiskey, following the words with a large gulp.

"You really should start looking, dear." Dad said with a sigh "You know it only gets harder as you get older."

"Dad please, I don't..." I cut him off "Listen, I appreciate you trying to understand this stuff, I really do, but I don't really want to talk about it with my father." He looked at me with an understanding smile.

"Sure," He nodded "But if you ever need anything, anything at all, you just let me know, alright." I nodded.

"Well, this sure has been fun, Ricky-boy," Negan grinned, getting to his feet and stretching his arms far above his head. "We do have that big court case in the mornin', though, and I need my shut-eye."

"Big case, eh?" I asked, rising from my seat as well. Dad nodded and excitement sparked in his eyes.

"You should come! It's an open court and I would love for you to see what I do. I know you always wanted to as a kid, but your mom made you wait until you were older. Well, now's the perfect time!" He rambled, grasping my shoulders.

"W-Well, I dunno, I don't want to be a distraction," I stumbled, taken aback by my father's display of enthusiasm. I turned to Negan, as if asking for permission. He just laughed.

"Oh-o, doll, I don't get distracted. Not in there, not anywhere. Don't you worry about a goddamn thing. You should come, Rick seems like he really wants you to."

"Okay, then," I grinned, nodding in commitment "I'll see you there in the morning then." I looked up to Negan and we locked eyes for a brief moment. But in that moment, something within me quivered. He brushed up against me and smirked down at me.

"See you tomorrow, sweetheart. It was nice to see you. You're lookin' great." It took all my willpower not to let out a whimper as he walked past me, taking his glorious scent with him.

My dad said that he should also get some rest, but that I could stay up as long as I wanted to. I was pretty wiped from my flight so I opted to follow him up the narrow staircase, tugging my bag behind me. I hugged him goodnight and stepped into my room. It hadn't been touched since I left last summer. The forest green bedspread was still perfectly tucked into the mattress and two plump pillows were perched at the head of the bed. My muscles ached for the soft release of sleep. I put my suitcase down by my dresser, taking a moment to smile at some old photos of me and Bee as kids. I showered and brushed my teeth before getting into the comfortable bed. I looked up at the ceiling and giggled softly at the glow-in-the-dark stars shining overhead. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I wasn't thinking of anything in particular, but for some reason, all of my dreams were plagued by the sweet smell, sound, sight, feeling, and taste of Negan.

[arvinsescape]

Late.

A/N: As always i hope you enjoy. First time writing genuine arsehole Tom. You can now read a follow up if you want here.

Summary: Tom’s late for dinner, reader has had enough. Tom makes a mistake but it all works out in the end.

W/C: 2.2K

Warnings: Swearing.

“Tom Holland spotted with new girlfriend after breakup with ex.”

“Tom Holland on night out with new girlfriend.”

“Is Tom Holland finally over his ex?”

You saw the headlines and wanted to throw your phone at a wall. You and Tom had dated for two years and broken it off a couple of months ago, it was sad and it was messy a row where you both said things you shouldn’t have.

“Seriously Tom?” You shouted as you threw your hands up, voice hoarse from all the shouting.

“I was late, yes. I get it you were left hanging but I was busy and didn’t finish on time. You need to get some perspective.” He shouted.

“I’m not even upset about that, a quick text would have been nice. But no, you left me sat there like a complete fucking idiot.” You fired back and he rolled his eyes.

“I have had a stressful enough day as it is. I don’t need you adding to it. You’re behaving like a bratty child and you knew what you were getting yourself into.”

“Seriously? That’s you’re defence? I knew what I was getting into, so what, I’m just supposed to accept it?” You asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, you know you could really use getting some more friends. You can’t just rely on me all the time.” He snapped and your heart dropped. You had friends, but not many, you’d been bullied a lot through high school and therefore kept a small circle of people you trusted and he knew that.

“They were busy.” You fired back.

“Were they? Or are they just sick of listening to you go on?” He shouted and that stung, it was a huge insecurity of yours, you always feared people didn’t truly like you.

“You know what Tom? You are so far stuck up your own arse that it’s embarrassing. I’m glad you and your foul fucking mood didn’t make it tonight.” You shouted, you were close to tears but you didn’t want to cry in front of him, not right now.

“Yeah well at least I fucking do something with my life.” He shouted back and you couldn’t stop the tears at that. You’d recently turned down a promotion to move to New York so that you could see him as often as you still did, it felt like he was throwing it back in your face.

“You are a vain, arrogant, selfish, stuck up arsehole.” You said back as your voice cracked, his eyes instantly snapped to yours as he heard your voice crack. His anger washed away completely as he realised exactly what it was he’d just said to you. He took a careful step towards you as he spoke.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” You cried when you heard the softness in his voice. A stark contrast from seconds ago.

“Don’t ‘baby’ me you arsehole. I’m going to stay at Lizzie’s.” You said as you picked up your bag, going into the bedroom and stuffing whatever clothes touched your hands into it, he was hot on your trail.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. It was out of line, I’m sorry.” He kept trying. When you were done you turned to look at him.

“Those were possibly some of the worst things you could have said to me. Thank you for playing on the insecurities that I told you about in confidence. I greatly fucking appreciate it.” You snapped, your tears were unstoppable and he felt awful.

“Y/N please. Just calm down and we’ll talk about it yeah?” He was crying now and you turned to make your way towards the front door. You turned to look at him one last time before you spoke.

“Until you’ve sorted your attitude out, I don’t wanna see you.” You said as you slammed the door shut and left for Lizzie’s.

He had tried to call you, many times after that. He showed up at Lizzie’s a week later but she wouldn’t let him in. You cried for weeks and just as you thought you were getting better, that you weren’t missing him the same, you saw that he had a new girlfriend. You’d noticed he’d tried to ring you a couple of times this morning but you’d ignored it. Your twitter mentions had gone through the roof for the first time since you’d split and you couldn’t help but look at them.

Dam that girl looks like Y/N but less attractive.

Y/N is naturally prettier I have to say.

Looking at the pictures, I think it’s just a hook up.

She’s far prettier than Y/N, well done Tommy.

That girl legit looks the spit of Y/N, I don’t think he’s over her.

It looks like Tom took Y/N and upgraded her.

I feel bad for the amount of hate Y/N’s getting, leave her be guys, we don’t know why they split up or how she’ll be feeling about this, I know I’d be heartbroken.

You furrowed your brows as you opened one of the pictures and in all fairness they weren’t wrong, she held a lot of similarities but she was far prettier and it made your heart ache. You still liked that some of his fans were supportive, some had been quite defensive of you. Tom had been vague about why you’d split up but never once denied it was his fault.

Then a tweet caught your eye because you noticed that Harry had retweeted it.

Please don’t bother Y/N with this. We know Tom said it was his fault as to why they broke up. We know that they loved each other and I think Tom might have made a mistake. Please respect that they are both still probably hurting and we should leave them alone.

Why was Harry retweeting something about this? Sure, he’d been supportive of you but not in public. Please respect that they are both still probably hurting. Was Tom still hurting? Apart from this morning he hadn’t tried to reach out at all in three weeks, you thought that was his way of saying he was over it. That was until you opened your voicemail and saw that Tom had left one last night. You sighed as you brought the phone up to your ear.

“Hi baby, sorry Y/N. I shouldn’t call you that anymore.” He was drunk and he was crying, that much you could tell. “Erm, you didn’t pick your phone up, not that I blame you. I wouldn’t if you said that shit to me. Listen, you’re gonna see some stuff tomorrow that I’m not proud of but you probably won’t get the whole truth and I want you to know what happened.” He sniffled a few times and your heart ached, he’d wanted to tell you first and you’d not answered.

“So I got really drunk tonight, as you can probably tell. I met this girl and she looked like you, she wasn’t you but she looked like you. She was really nice actually but that’s beside the point. You’re probably gonna see the pictures of me kissing her outside that club and I’m sorry. I know we’re not together but I haven’t moved on and I don’t want you to think I have.” You were crying as you listened to him, he sounded like he was in so much pain.

“I still love you, like a lot and I’m sorry. I brought her here and when we were about to sleep together I couldn’t do it. She was in our bed Y/N/N, that’s your place, not hers and I just couldn’t do it. I cried and she was really nice, she told me to call you. So here I am. Well, she said I should call you tomorrow when I was sober but I was hoping I’d hear your voice. Your voicemail will have to do I suppose. I love you and I miss you and I’m sorry I was such a prick. I didn’t mean it.”

You ended the call because you couldn’t listen anymore, he sounded like he was in so much pain and it made your heart sink into the pit of your stomach. He really was hurting as much as you were, maybe more. You were pulled out of your thoughts as your phone buzzed. Tom. You hesitated for a second before you answered.

“Hey.” You said in the best voice of happiness you could muster.

“Y/N? I didn’t think you’d answer.” He sniffled, was he crying again?

“Yeah, I erm, I got your voicemail.” You said and you heard as he let out a sob.

“I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair, I didn’t mean to spill all that, I only rang you with the intent of explaining what you’ve probably seen this morning. I shouldn’t have done that, I know you’re trying to move on so I shouldn’t have told you that I still love you.” He rambled through his sobs and your heart broke.

“Tom, it’s okay. I think I can forgive you for leaving an emotional voicemail.” You laughed through your tears and you heard him let out a choked laugh too.

“Can I see you? You don’t have to come here and I don’t have to come to you but can we meet somewhere neutral please? Even if it’s just for closure?” He was begging and you knew deep down you couldn’t say no even if you wanted to.

“Okay. How about that coffee shop we both like?” You said.

“Okay, gimme an hour?” The hope in his voice was enough to lift your heart slightly.

An hour later and you found yourself awkwardly sat at a table with Tom as you sipped your coffee.

“I’m sorry.” He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. “I mean it. I shouldn’t have said what I said, it was so fucking wrong of me. I shouldn’t have used your insecurities like that, it was a dick move. You’re right I was being an arrogant, selfish arsehole and you deserved better, I understand why you left me.” He said as he looked at you, you could see the tears brimming and watched as he swallowed them back.

“It hurt Tom.” You said in response. “But you weren’t completely wrong either, I did rely on you too much, I pushed you harder than I should have at times and I know how hard you work.”

“Y/N, you just wanted me to be there when I said I was going to be, that’s not relying on me too much, that’s just asking me to be your boyfriend.” He sighed again.

“But you were right, there was always a chance that what would happen happened and I should have been more understanding.” You said as you looked at him again.

“I should have sent you a text and for that I’m sorry but it wasn’t like it was the first time it happened. I was so wrapped up in the film that I didn’t think much past it and I’m sorry for that. I shouldn’t have thrown you turning down that promotion at you either, I know you did that for us.” He said and he meant it, you knew he did, he may have been a fantastic actor but he always had this look in his eye when he was being completely genuine and vulnerable, one he couldn’t fake.

“It’s okay. I think we both needed to learn some things when we broke up.” You sighed as you sat in silence again, it felt more comfortable this time.

“I’m sorry about last night, the voicemail, the girl. All of it.” He said.

“It’s okay. In fairness you don’t have to apologise about the girl, you are single.” You tried to joke and he tensed.

“No but I didn’t want you to think I’d moved on, you deserve better than that. As for being single, please don’t remind me.” He huffed slightly, you could see the pain, it was all over his face. You missed him dearly and he seemed so genuine about how sorry he was. You sighed before you spoke up again.

“How about I let you take me to dinner tomorrow night? You know start over?” You mumbled and his face lit up in the most genuine way you’d ever seen.

“Seriously? You wanna try again?” He was smiling now and you realised how much you’d missed seeing it.

“I’m prepared to try again but take it slowly.” You admitted.

“Whatever you want.” He was nodding profusely, it almost looked comical. “What time? I won’t be late I promise.”

“7?” You asked as you stood to collect your bag.

“I’ll be there at ten to.” He smiled as you made you’re way out of the coffee shop.

[cuddlesslut]

Part FOUR : Chance Encounters

Atsumu x fem reader, Suna x fem reader, Hinata x fem reader

Tags: slight NSFW, Heavy Angst.

A/N: so this will NOT be the last chapter there will be more. Just like there are more choices now lol, don’t be shy to tell me who you route for. Also let me know if y’all want more NSFW I’m chill with writing it . ALSO slight canon divergence the timing on when Hinata comes back from Brazil is different, obviously in the Manga he’s only gone for two years. In this story it is longer. Hinata isn’t on MSBY yet. Also we are only caught up on 5 months since the dreaded birthday.

Part Three: Memories

Part Five: Friends

You spent your birthday in some hotel room. Sitting on the plush bed still in your dress not bothering to change your curl in to a fetal position as sobs raked through you. Your whole world crashed down on you everything you knew was a lie. Your phone lit up with one last birthday message from some distant relative. You see the time it’s now one in the morning you’ve been laying here for hours you can’t understand how you have any liquid in your body left to cry but still tears trail down your cheeks as you look at your lock screen. It’s a photo from three Christmas’s ago. Atsumu held you close from behind as you pose in front of a festive Christmas tree. Your eyes are shut tight from laughter as the setter places a kiss to your cheek bone, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist. This was your favorite photo of the two of you, it always showed the realness in this candid shot. You remember laughing so hard from some cheesy joke he had just whispered in your ear. Your heart twists at the photo, a moment of anger slices through you. Was any of it real? You fling your phone at the wall effectively shattering the screen. You scream into the pillow. You wish you could feel numb to all of the emotions. But no ones that lucky. You aren’t sure when you feel asleep but you wake to find the remnants of tears stuck to your face. You move to the bathroom. You look like death. Your face is pale and eyes swollen and red. Your body aches from the fitful sleep you had. You grab a quick shower before putting on your comfiest pajamas and lay back down. All the energy is drained you look for your phone before remembering your fit of rage last night groan. You switch on the TV for some form of distraction but the gods must really hate you as it opens to a sports channel and you see him in all of his intensity standing on the volleyball court. Part of your brain pleads to change the channel but you must be a masochist as you watch him in all his usual glory. He commands the stadium as he goes up to serve. He looks perfectly fine like you hadn’t just walked out of his life. Like he hadn’t just ripped your world to shreds. You're finally turning the television off sitting in the silence thinking of the memories of your home. You ordered some takeout trying to settle the ache in your stomach. The food tasted bland, everything has lost its edge. The bed offers no comfort. The sunlight offers no warmth. It’s not long before you fall into another depression nap.

Waking up late in the evening you can’t stop your mind from making a stupid decision. But you miss him. You just want to see him. That’s how you end up outside of the door that leads to the home you shared with him. Trying to work up the courage to enter. His car was in his usual spot so you know he's here. A bitter thought run through you at the thought that while you were here he couldn’t be bothered to be home before two am at the earliest, yet the first night gone and here he is at home at ten o’clock. Silently you open the door. It was a mistake. You don’t make it even completely through the threshold before you hear the obnoxious moan and grunts, the sound of skin slapping. It makes you sick “OH Miya-San!” You hear some woman bellow out. You feel nauseous. You hurry out the door trying you best not to cause any noise to interrupt the activities in the house. You bend over you feel as though you’ll throw up right there on the spot. After calming yourself you make a way to a convenience store picking up a bottle of wine before heading back to you hotel room. There’s no way you’ll make it through the night sober.

The next morning you clean your self up before heading to the bank and clear out your joint account. Normally you’d feel bad taking the money but this cash was saved for your wedding and that would never happen now. You stopped by the phone store getting your own account not wanting anymore strings attached to the player. You spend the rest of your morning looking for a small affordable apartment. Luckily you were able to find one with in distance of your school and a reasonable price. It’s now the afternoon and you have to rush not wanting to be late for your class. Although it probably wouldn’t have made a difference if you had missed today, you barely pay attention. You find yourself back with the hotel walls.

You feel completely and utterly alone. You want nothing more to call your best friend or stop by Samu’s shop and cry on his shoulder while you eat some comfort food. But there is hesitation Suna was Atsumu's friend before he was yours, and you'll probably break down in tears just looking at Osamu he was his damn twin for heavens sake. What were you to them you wonder. You only got close to them because of the setter. Part of you wanted to believe that they cared about you and all of those friendships would still be there but you couldn’t. How could they want you around. You really question your place in their lives. It’s hard to trust in anything you had also believed Atsumu loved you and would never hurt you, yet that much was proven untrue. It's hard to trust in anything you feel or know. Another reason is your afraid of all of the memories you shared with them Atsumu ever present in those moments. You don’t want to think about him any more. You don’t want any remnants of that man In your life. While you want to believe Suna would be there for you, that he’d choose you. It was not a risk you were ready to take. You don’t think you could survive another heartbreak. It’s better to leave things as is, to cherish the good memories and not risk tainting them with pain.

It’s been two months since your birthday. You’ve moved into a quaint apartment. You got a job working at a little cafe to pay for rent. Between work and studying for your degree you try to keep yourself busy. It’s hard being on your own. You try to distract yourself with the things that brought you joy. Some days are better than others but all in all everything still hurts. Graduation is only a couple of months away so at least there’s something to look forward too. There are moments that come quite often that you miss your friends but you can’t bring yourself to reach out still untrusting. You look back sometimes and wonder where the lies stopped. You avoid everything that has to do his Atsumu Miya. Even the sight of a simple volleyball brings distress.

Three and half months later the cosmos played another prank on you. It was just another Friday afternoon and you were working in the cafe. You had just helped a young beautiful woman at the counter. She seemed so familiar but you couldn’t quit place it. You could see a puzzled look on her face. Then it hit you. You knew exactly who this woman was. She was the one with your ex fiancé at the restaurant that fateful night. The realization must have struck her too. Her eyes grew wide with worry. Although you weren’t expecting what she did next.

“I AM SO SORRY,” she basically yelling as she bows in front of you. “ I’m so sorry for the part I played in your pain.” She continues. You can tell she is really distressed. You coworkers and a few costumers look at the spectacle. Hating all of the attention now directed toward the both, you beg her to please stand.

“I need you to understand I had no idea, I would never have gone for a taken man.”

You sighed and sent a look to your coworker that you were going to take a quick break. “Would you like a cup of coffee,” you ask her. You never thought That you’d be sitting having coffee with the mistress of the only man you ever loved yet here you are. There’s an awkward silence for a moment. You don’t rush things you can see she’s also having a hard time trying to figure out where to start. You take a sip of your coffee as she finally speaks.

“My names Yuki,” she states.

“YN ,” you offer back.

“Well, umm YN I just want to say I am so sorry for wh-” you cut her off holding up your hand.

“You said you didn’t know, correct?” You send a glance at her raising your eyebrow. She nods.

“Are you still with him?” She sits up straight.

“Absolutely not,” she states with conviction “after you left I asked him what just happed and he explained who you were and I left.. well not with out dumping my drink in face" she gave a little giggle.

“Ha! Oh I wish I could have seen that,” you laughed picturing him drenched in the restaurant. “In that case you have nothing to apologize for, you are a victim of Atsumu’s selfishness as well. I’m sorry he put you through that.” She gave a sad smile you could see she was hurt too. The two of you spent a few more moments in each other’s comfort discussing the facts of his affair. It hurts to know that he had a legitimate relationship with Yuki but a part of you was glad to know. It was a small piece of closure to know how deep his transgressions ran, knowing it wasn’t just sex hurt even more. But it furthered your stance that he didn’t love you and if he had at one point the love had faded on his part some time ago. You spent the rest of your shift plagued with thoughts of you past.

After your shift you went home to change before heading out to your local bar. In your time alone you had taken solace in drinking with strangers. After dressing in an appealing yet comfortable outfit you headed out. You wanted to feel comfy and relaxed but that didn’t stop you from wanting to look nice. In your past visits it wasn’t uncommon for men to try and talk you up and while you did indulge in the compliments none had succeeded in getting you to return home with them. There had yet to be a guy who fully kept your attention away from your former lover.

You found your favorite spot at the bar, just far enough from the blaring music and smokers. You smiled at the bartender before ordering your usual. You sat there letting the liquor relax you as you listened to what music the DJ was playing tonight. Normally you stick to just drinks but after the day you had you need something to take the edge off. After downing a shot of tequila you notice a presence next to you.

“Is this seat taken,” the man smiled at you. You had never seen him here before and you know damn well you would have noticed him before. Although he wasn’t a giant like most of the men you knew in your life, he wasn’t excessively short either you could tell he’d still stand taller than you. You couldn’t lie the man was extremely defined and muscular, you swear his tanned thighs that you saw peeking from under his khaki shorts were bigger than your face. His skin was tanned you can tell from pleanty of time in the sun. He had strong jaw line but his most prominent feature was this bright mop of orange hair he tried to hide under a ball cap. He had a bright smile that reached his alluring brown eyes. It was safe to say he was very handsome. He tilts his head to the side a little smirk reaching his lips. It then you realized you had never responded and just been sitting here gawking.

“Um no it’s not uhh go ahead,” you stammered out feeling a blush creep on to your cheeks at your response. What is this feeling why are you acting like a school girl.

He takes the seat next to you ordering a beer then turning to you reaching out his hand. “ Shoyo Hinata,” he states.

You accept his hand giving it a light shake. “ YN LN,” you responded. “ I’ve never seen you here before Hinata-San,” you prod wanting to know about the stranger.

“Just Shoyo is fine,”he gives you another dazzling smile. “I actually just moved back to Japan,” he states “this is my first time at this bar , but with customers as beautiful as you I’ll definitely have to come more often.” Ohh hes smooth you think. You let out a light chuckle at his compliment although it’s fairly simple compared to some of lines you’ve heard it definitely has the desired affect on you.

“Well then Shoyo where are you traveling from?” Question not wanting the convo to stop.

“I just got back from Brazil,” he mused that signature smile never far from his face.

“Wow Brazil! That’s so far was it hard to be so far from home?”you questioned.

The conversation with Hinata flowed effortlessly. Pleanty of laughes shared as he told you countless stories of his time in South America. Being in conversation with him is like talking to the sun it’s so bright and happy. He does eventually mention playing beach volleyball and for a moment you mind thinks of your ex but it then you realized it was the first time since Sho made his appearance that you had thought of the setter. It felt nice to finally have your mind clearing from the twin. As of recent at any mention of volleyball you would have ended the convo making an excuse to leave, yet you didn’t want to, plus beach volleyball is completely different than regular volleyball you reason.

Time passes by as well do several drinks. You are by no means drunk just a little tipsy. Over the course of your talking the space between Hinata started to narrow. Right now you were so close you could smell his cologne and the slight minty scent of his breath. His hand caressed your elbow. Your breath hitched when he finally leaned in “do wanna get out of here?,” you can see his iris’s darken ever so slightly. “We can go back to my place,” he continued.

Several thoughts ran threw your mind in that moment. One, you were nervous, you hadnt been with anyone other than Atsumu. Two, you were sure you weren’t ready for a relationship but it was just sex it’s not like he’s asking on a romantic vacation. And three you wanted nothing more than to feel his lips against yours. “Absolutely.”

That’s how you got to where you are now. You barely made it through the threshold before Hinata had you pinned to the door. You were locked in a searing kiss. It was like he was stealing the air from your lungs. His hands roamed your figure before slipping under your blouse. “You are absolutely gorgeous,” he breaths before pressing a kiss under your jaw trailing down you neck. You place you hands on his shoulders trying to ground yourself. You let out a loud moan as he gives a bite to your shoulder while grabbing a hand full of you breast. He smiled into you neck with pleasure from the sounds you made. The two of you stumbled a bit as you started making your way to his room shedding clothes left and right. The door closed to the bedroom and you were ready for a mindblowing night.

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[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

MAYBE IT’S CALLED FATE

Prompt: Request, by the ever so lovely @auawdo Thank you so much for your request, pumpkin! I hope you’ll like it

Word Count: Long

Pairings: Seth Rollins x Reader

Warnings: Angst, smut(implied), cursing

Tag: @marlananicole , @theworldofotps , @new-zealand-chic , @yungbludjazz360

Notes: This has gained Seth a bigger space in my heart 🥰 Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊) You can check them out on my Masterlist. Okay,now let’s get to the fun part, shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

PRESENT DAY

Staring out the big windows that display the snowy weather of Davenport, Iowa. I retraced the journey that lead me here...

FLASHBACK - 8 YEARS AGO

“Y/N? Where are you, babe?”

From the bedroom I heard the loud thump of his duffel bag being tossed on the floor

“Oh, there you are! I’ve been looking for y- Are you ok?” He urgently asks, running to me

“Seth, I need to talk to you”

“Uh Oh, those words are an omen for bad news” He whispered

“Please, seat down” I ask and he oblige

“I have to do this quickly, like a band-aid” I murmur to myself

“What will you have to do it quickly, Y/N?”

“I can’t stay here”

“What do you mean? You don’t want to live in Iowa anymore? That’s ok, we can move to Florida if-“

“No, Seth... I mean, I don’t think we should be together anymore” I whispered with tears in my eyes

“You wanna break up? But why? Have I done something wrong? Because if I did I’m sure we can work it out a-“

“No...”

“You don’t love me anymore?” Seth asked with hurtful eyes

“I do, I do but-“

“I love you too, Y/N. So, end of story!” He huffed

“Seth, I wish there could be an easier way-“

“Why are you doing this? What changed your mind? Did you fell in love with someone else? What is it, Y/N?” Seth screamed

“I don’t think it’s fair ok? Babysitting while I’m injured is not fair to you, having to stay here waiting for you to come home is not fair to me, holding you back from enjoying yourself with other women is not fair to you and wondering if you have been sleeping with other women night after night is not fair to me. So let’s stop it before we hurt each other”

“What? First of all, I don’t babysit you, I TAKE CARE of you because I love you! Second of all I NEVER cheated on you and you know that. I FaceTime you every night until I fall asleep, just so we don’t feel lonely, because I know how hard this can be! I’ve been on your shoes...And for the record, you’re the one who’s hurting me with this breakup bullshit thing”

Seth tugs on his hair from frustration, pacing around the room

“I’m sorry, but is for the best Seth” I caress his beard, memorizing every feature of his face

“These are the painkillers, the stress and the injury speaking not you...It’s not you, right baby?” He asked in despair

“I’ll always love you Seth, you’re an incredible man and someday you’ll find a very lucky girl who deserves you”

“No, I want you! You deserve me” He grabs my suitcase, trying to pull it out of my hand “You’re not leaving, I won’t allow it. You’re not going anywhere” Seth tugs on the suitcase.

“Seth, please don’t do this” I beg

“No” He sobs “Please don’t do this to me, please don’t leave me, Y/N. I need you, I love you, I can’t live without you” Seth grabbed my face softly in his hands “Please tell me that you’re kidding me, that this is a prank...Please Y/N this can’t be true. Tell me you still love me, that we’ll be together! I can’t-“ Seth began to cry uncontrollably

“Shhhh...I’m sorry, baby. You’ll be fine. I promise you, you’ll be ok” I try to comfort him

I laid with him on his bed one last time, enjoying his bearded cheek on my chest one last time. Running my fingers through his hair gently, reassuring him that it will all be fine. When his sobs were replaced by a soft snoring, I stand up from the bed, covering Seth’s body with a blanket. Pecking his lips for the last time, I grabbed my suitcase, slowly closing the bedroom door and leaving behind what it used to be my home.

FLASHBACK - 7 YEARS LATER

The last thing I wished was see him again, the last thing I wanted was to end up in SmackDown with him and of course that God was in his jokester mood today and decided to deliver me this little joke called fate.

“Y/N? I can’t believe it!” Roman ran to me, giving me a bear hug and successfully spinning me around the arena’s hallway.

“Oh Lord, calm down you Samoan beast! Jesus” I laughed loudly

“I didn’t knew you were back! Why didn’t you told me?”

“I didn’t wanted to draw to much attention” I trailed off

“Because of Seth?” Roman asked and I just gave him a sad smile as an answer

“You can’t hide forever, Y/N. You know that, right?”

“I know... I just need a few days”

“Or not” Roman said, pointing with his chin at someone behind me

I felt his presence before I could see him

“Y/N?”

I turn around to meet his gaze, it had a mixture between surprise, pain and...love?

“Hello, Seth”

“Oh my God, it’s been so long” He reaches his arms for a hug but ended up changing his mind “What are you doing here?”

“I needed a job, so” I laughed lightly

“I thought I would never see you again”

“Looks like destiny has other plans” I mumbled

......................................................................

For the next two weeks I bump into Seth everywhere I go: arena, hotel, gym, convenience store, liquor store, diner, bar, even at a club’s bathroom line! The chemistry between us was still there, awake. Even after all those years my body called for him like some sort of drug. And I would be lying if I said that I didn’t wanted him back, not just for the sex but for everything else.

I’m at the local Starbucks when I meet him again (it’s the fourth time today), I had to put an end to this so I decided to talk to him about everything that happened in the past.

“Sure, we can talk about it” He shyly answered

We chose a hidden bench at the local park to sit down

“Thank you, for agreeing with this”

“It’s fine, Y/N” Seth weakly smiles

“Well, first of all, I would like to apologize to you. For everything I did back then...I wasn’t thinking straight and I don’t know what took ahold of me to have made such a dumb decision”

“And it took you 7 years to realize that?” He asked, sounding hurt and mad at the same time

I shook my head “No, to be honest with you, I regretted my decision when as soon as I got home”

“Why didn’t you called me then?”

“Because I thought you would be angry at me, wouldn’t want to see me or talk to me. The mere thought of you rejecting me was unbearable” I whispered

“And how do you think I felt?” Seth spat “Do you think it was fun for me to wake up and find out you were gone? I called you Y/N, I texted you, I called your brother, your sister, even your mother! I sent you emails, I went to your house, I tried everything I could to get you to talk to me. Just so at least I could get some type of closure, but you never gave me that opportunity. You shut me off, pretended I never existed, erased me from your life and now you expect me to do what? To welcome you back in my arms? To say that I missed you and that I was waiting for you all those years? Is that what you want? For me to stop my life completely just so you can enter it again and ruin it again once you decide you‘ve had enough of me?”

The only thing I could do was to remain silent, I knew Seth and I knew that sooner or later he would end up lashing out and saying everything he always wanted to say for those past 7 years, so I just sat there and took it like a big girl even with the tears rolling down my eyes. Afterall, I was the one who brought that to myself.

“I can’t do that, I gave you too much power the first time and I will not give you the same power again! When you left I hit rock bottom Y/N, my life was partying, booze and pussy. I almost lost my job because of that! Do you know how many nights I spent awake thinking of you? Crying over you? Trying to understand what had I done wrong for you to leave me like that? Do you know how many women I fucked thinking about you? Wishing they were you? Wishing to wake up in the morning and find you laying there by my side? Wishing that it was all a nightmare? Now you come here, 7 years after the shit storm and say that you’re sorry and that the thought of me rejecting you was unbearable so you just left? You know what, Y/N? Fuck you! Fuck you and your shitty apology, I don’t need this bullshit! I’m better without you, now I can fuck whoever I want, whenever I want. Without having to worry about their incapacity of having a relationship because of their stupid and childish commitment issues” He stood up and left

And now, by the irony of fate, I’m the one who gets abandoned now.

......................................................................

I got his message that day in the park, he doesn’t want to talk to me, so I do exactly that. I leave him alone. I never met him at random places anymore after that day.

It has been a month since I came back and any hope I had of settling things with Seth went down the drain.

I’m finishing zipping up my duffel bag when someone knocked on the locker room door

“Yeah? It’s open” I screamed

“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?”

My heart stopped when I heard Seth’s voice

“Hi, umm sure. What’s up?” I ask

Seth closed the door behind him

“Can we sit down?” He points to the small leather couch

I nodded, sitting down by his side

“I wanted to apologize to you” He started “The things I said to you that day at the park were unnecessary, I should’ve dealt with it in a better way”

“It’s ok, Seth. We both know I deserved” I weakly smile at him

“No, you didn’t! Even though I was confused and hurt, I didn’t had the right to do that to you. I truly am sorry”

“It’s ok, buddy. Apology accepted” I patted his knee and he holds my hand there

“I’m going to ask you something, but I need you to be completely honest with me, ok?”

“Of course”

“Do you still love me?” He asked and my whole world stopped

I looked down to my feet and honestly answered “I never stopped loving you, Rollins. No matter how hard I tried”

His only response to me was a cheerful grin.

1 YEAR LATER - PRESENT DAY

“What are you doing staring out the window, baby? It’s fucking freezing! Come back to bed” Seth’s arms circle around my waist, trying to pull me back to bed

“I’m enjoying the snowy morning view” I chuckled

“Meh” He scoff “I have something more interesting for you to enjoy if you come back to bed with me” Seth smirked

“What possibly could be nicer than this view”

“Hmmm, I don’t know...maybe something thick and warm that slides in and out of you, maybe?” He bites my neck and I can’t help the little moan that escaped my lips

“That sounds fun” I grab him through his boxers, teasing him

Seth moans “Oh you’re gonna regret that”

He picked me up in his arms right before tossing me back onto his bed....

Please if you’re comfortable with it let me know your thoughts on this? Feedbacks are always appreciated 🥰😘

[onlyhereforangst]

WWR

Alright y’all a likely final WWR coming at you, you know 3 months late the day of the dreaded s19 premiere. This definitely gets ranty and emotional, if you’re a Gibbs stan scroll the fuck away & don’t send me hate anon. This is bittersweet and it hurts and I’ve been living in denial for months but I needed this little bit of closure before the writer’s absolutely fuck it up in less than 6 hours. I hope you enjoy my emotional ramblings & I’ve absolutely loved writing these for the past two years, i’ll miss it & your reactions to it dearly ❤️

Badass Ellie is allllllways a treat, and protective nick contrasted to her making albeit slightly reckless decisions is top tier. And then followed up by him being impressed as hell??? He’s like damn my girl just did that and I am not turned on, no way, we are working I am not turned on, nope. Nick sitting at Ellie’s desk in the beginning PLS. Feet kicked up feeling mighty comfortable for someone who hates sitting at a desk 👀 only ok with it when it’s Ellie’s, huh Nick? Also I love that he’s sticking with the nonchalant approach like he did when he found her looking up Eastern Europe locations. He knows if he pushes too hard it won’t go well, but he is still concerned for her well-being. Those pieces slowly clicking into place that something isn’t just off- it’s worrisome off. Because while yes he’s still nonchalant he’s a touch more serious this time, ignoring her attempt at a brush off and claiming “he wants answers.” It’s a subtle step up from 18x14, but it’s there. His spidey senses are tingling and he’s getting less and less able to hide his concern for her 🥺 even if he tries to play it off as flirty banter because yes he’s still gd impressed with her moves and even tells Vance as such essentially. 

Flash forward to at the stash house and they find the files plus the mini debrief back in the bullpen…I truly am inclined to believe Ellie doesn’t know here. I mean sure she realizes that the timing fits to a certain extent—she was at NSA when this happened, but I don’t think she knows this is the beginning of her end. She’s like “oh they’re selling secrets too” and “my contacts are all gone” like…I just, she seems too casual and not at all on edge. Idk so far I’m just not getting that vibe. She even brushed off McGee with the whole that was ten years ago almost like she didn’t remember it? But then at the same time she did bring up the whole legal vs ethical- she hedged, but she did mention it. She was not super gung-ho about OMG THIS WAS SO UNETHICAL WTF HOW COULD THEY DO THIS so still……..idk lets continue haha

Ok her knowledge of guns is slightly concerning but also Nick finds it concerning AND hot, boy can’t help himself lets be honest. That “damn” that slips out please, so many sirens going off in that head but also you’re just like well fuck talk dirty to me some more babe. Aaaaand here we go, here’s why I know Ellie didn’t know that odette was going to plant that shit right now. “Whoever took them from the NSA’s code-level servers risked a lot more than their career” with a little like duh face from Ellie SCREAMS that she did not, would not, EVER do that. The leak was fabricated by Odette and the fact that it would be planted during this case was all Odette unbeknownst to Ellie. Or why the fuck would Ellie so casually and somewhat judgmentally be like “who TF would leak something like that, man they stupid, committing treason and whatnot.” And Ellie is SHOOK when Vance tells her it was her. Like shook as in, blinks several times, shifts her weight back, glances at McGee with a flash of surprise in her eyes. That body language screeeeeams being caught off guard. If she had leaked those documents and if she had known this was a plant, she wouldn’t be caught off guard. And no matter how well you can try and play the part, that body language is legit. She’s shocked someone would even think about that and oh man, Nick. Nick’s face hurts me (and I know this is just the beginning). Because a man who has always seen himself as the bad egg, the criminal so to speak, the one who would do something shady before any of the others. He is shook and angry that Vance could even consider accusing Ellie of this. And then there’s the genuine concern etched on his face (and I’d know, the screen is currently paused on his face staring at Ellie with a worried furrowed brow and pain clenched in his jaw) because he knows logical Ellie wouldn’t do this but also he knows he’s been seeing little puzzle pieces fall into place of suspicious behavior and this is just one more thing that doesn’t sit right with him- doesn’t fit the woman he’s come to know and love. And while I know he truly believes she didn’t leak the files, I would bet right here he’s concerned about what the fuck she’s gotten herself wrapped up in. 

And she continues to be adamantly against this, like Eleanor Raye Bishop would NOT ever leak intel, not as a baby NSA analyst who believed she was doing the right thing always in her role. Never once bringing up questionable ethics, she thought it was the greater good, that little patriot. She’s so adamantly against it and then Vance asks if she was framed, and I think that’s the point where Ellie realizes this is Odette. The word framed all of a sudden clicks it all into place and she picks up it might be “go time” for her. Her glances over at Vance have changed, they’re more cautious, calculating. She hears they’ve been leaked over ten years ago and she knows that she didn’t do it 10 years ago so this very well may be the notice of eviction from Odette. The “we’re coming for you, Agent Bishop” and her little look, oooooh Ellie is fired up. Her switch flipped and she’s now gotta hunker down and defend herself until she can confirm with Odette. Vance doesn’t even let her get a word in to “fight” for her innocence. But the fact that she’s getting sent home pisses her off, she wants to be close to the investigation, know what’s happening, and I’m sure a part of her still resists being dubbed that traitor of the state. Who knows, Odette may have never told her how she would become a disgraced NCIS agent, and this may have pissed Ellie off because her integrity is something she prides herself on. Her line, “I’m not Gibbs […] I’m innocent line” is like a tiny bright spot to chuckle in during this dismal finale. Gibbs hate train right hereeeee

Love that Kasie is immediately on the Ellie defense side, not looking forward to her reaction to Ellie leaving IF they even decide to show us. 

Gibbs telling Ellie “sometimes there’s nothing left to be said” when he fucking up and left the team without so much as a goodbye or sorry for committing police brutality like fuck outta here Gibbs. Ellie is CLEARLY vulnerable right now, she’s been accused of leaking classified documents aka committing treason, she’s suspended, she’s on the brink of going on some dumbass undercover op and is begging, pleading, for any sign from you- her boss and father figure- not to do it. That he shows remorse for leaving the team without a word, that he regrets his decision to just disappear on them, that he wishes he hadn’t or he had done it differently. ANY kind of sign to tell her not to go through with what she’s about to go through. Literally any sign, and instead Gibbs gets defensive and bites back that she’s picking the wrong time in her life (LIKE HELLO YOU JUST SAID IT RIGHT THERE IDIOT, SHE’S GOING THROUGH SHIT MAYBE YOU SHOULD FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS BUT NO YOU’RE WRAPPED UP IN GIBBS LA-LA-LAND AND HAVE SAID FUCK YOU TO YOUR SUPPOSED KIDS), so now Ellie is even more pissed and gets defensive back telling him he doesn’t even know what’s going on in her life and if that’s not a desperate cry for help I don’t know what is. like she is begging you Gibbs to pick up on it and figure it out, begging you to do your job that’s you’re supposedly so good at and save her from going through with this stupid mission. And then Ellie realizes that he stopped caring about them. He’d gotten so wrapped up in what he was doing, he stopped caring about their lives, the problems they were facing, anything. Him *not* realizing something was happening??? This is Gibbs, this is the man that always knows what’s happening before you even know what’s happening. So the words “I’m starting to realize that” hit like a fucking dump truck. He’s too preoccupied with his own boat-making nonsense that he can’t be bothered to have even an inkling of an idea of what’s going on in their lives. And he doesn’t seem to care that he’s dropped them from his life. And that’s when it hits Ellie, he’s never coming back. He’s cut the team out of his life and he doesn’t care. He has no regrets, he can’t even be bothered to have a single regret. And I think that, right there, is when Ellie decides she’s all in. I think there was always a small part of her that was hesitant to go along with odette. Hesitant to just upend her career and her relationships (aka Nick, but we’ll get to this), all of it. But hearing that the man she looked up to even though he’d made some mistakes, the man she viewed as a father, the one person who’d taken a chance on the nerdy analyst long ago, the one constant through all the turmoil she’d had, just left? Just left without a goodbye, without remorse, without even a parting thought for her? That was it for her. Whatever brainwashing Odette had fed her that she’d pushed back against from fully taking over finally broke free. And with it, Ellie grieves, she’s tearing up from knowing what she’s about to lose. Lose the man she viewed as a father, the coworkers that were like a family, the partner she’d found herself loving like she’d never loved before. 

Ugh poor hurt Nick, he’s willing to do all the grunt work that he abhors in order to free up McGee so he can save Ellie. Nick knows he doesn’t have the skills and I think that’s killing him even more so. He can’t just do it himself, he has to rely on someone else to clear her name (to which he bumped back to last name in a last ditch attempt to maintain distance and keep some semblance of emotions in check, which is failing miserably), and that is killing the doer we know and love. LOL “so you’re both wrong” this poor man I love him, I can’t wait for the tears that will come from me later 🥲 nick immediately taking Jessica’s help, I love it. He’s like I don’t give AF who will help us but I am clearing this woman’s name if it’s the last thing I do. And then she walks in and he’s frozen. All these emotions running through him and then she’s there?? And she ignores him??? Ignores all of them?? Rushes past and storms up to the director on a suicide mission??? Yeah this is why I said that conversation with Gibbs was her last nail in the coffin. She hadn’t decided to go through with it (hence why she hedged earlier with Vance) and then he went and was a piece of shit so she said the hell with it and went all in. She can’t even bring herself to speak at Nick, barely looks at him, because she knows, she knows if she speaks to him, if he gets a chance to try and talk her down in the heightened emotional state she’s in after talking to Gibbs, she won’t be able to hold it in. She won’t be able to deal with seeing emotionally charged and hurt Nick. So she ignores him and McGee and does what she thinks she has to do. How hard did it have to be for Ellie to tell Vance not to defend her, and that their intel was correct? 🥺🥺 it goes against everything she’s ever stood for and she just went and did it. She hates liars and yet she lied. She loves her country and yet she claimed she committed treason. Her body language once again screams uncomfortable but trying to play it off. She’d nodding and repeating it over and over because she needs to convince herself of the words. They leave a bitter taste in her mouth and she can’t stop it. All she can do is clench her jaw a little tighter and get it over with and convince herself. 

Nick is in disbelief, obviously. McGee looks like he’s five seconds from breaking down because his little sister is supposedly a traitor??? Like he can’t believe it. He’s hurt she would do something like this even though he still knows in his gut that it can’t possibly be true. And oh FUCK the part where Nick’s voice cracks asking if Vance fired Ellie. Fuuuuuuuck me. This man’s heart is breaking for what’s happening to Ellie and being completely in the dark about it. Sure they weren’t really clear on what “they” were after The Talk but still. He thought she was open with him. Ever since the jail cell, things had shifted and he thought she’d been honest with him. He’d picked up on those little things, but maybe it was just training or something, NOT committing alleged treason and quitting the one career she loved. Not leaving him in the dark and vanishing without so much as a word. Not that. Because she KNOWS his past, she knows how much shit he’s been through with people in his life leaving without so much as a goodbye. And his voice continues to crack asking about what’s going on because he’s literally in shock. McGee is desperately trying to keep it together, keep some sort of figurehead for the team. Nick is in shambles ok, just like I’m in shambles. He’s adamant she didn’t do it because he KNOWS her. He knows she would never in a million years leak classified intel and now he’s just confused like a lost and kicked puppy. She didn’t DO IT, and she’s not answering her PHONE. He just wants to talk to her, he just wants to know she’s ok, wants to comfort her, wants to convince her to stop and it’ll be alright and he’ll take care of her and he’ll save her because that’s all he wants to do and always has, right? Save her. Save her from everything in this world that could hurt her. Protect her from life’s dangers. Protect her because he can’t bear the thought of losing her. And that all is crumbling down around him. All of it, crashing down like an avalanche, ready to bury him alive in grief and guilt and despair and anger. How am I supposed to TALK to her, he just wants to fucking be with her. He just wants to be there. With her. For the rest of their lives.

Ellie looking at the hat, please. That’s a lifetime of regret packed into one facial expression right there. She’s looking at that hat, the one she cherishes from the moment Gibbs hands it to her, and knows it’ll be the last time she ever sees it again. It’s not something she can take with her, and it’s full of fond memories—most happy, some sad, a few bittersweet—but memories that have made her life whole the past 8 years. And there’s officially no going back, she’s admitted to treason, there’s no way out of that. She’s having to say goodbye to all of her career without saying goodbye to any of them, all of that is wrapped up in that hat. A hat that’s so simple but signifies so much to her. She definitely was not expecting McGee to come out and so her rebuttals to him are exasperated and grasping at straws initially. She tries sarcasm and then she tries to brush it off “it doesn’t matter, it’s done […] I get that, I don’t want to talk about it” when McGee voices that he’s hurt over this and her reputation matters to him. Because he’s like another brother to you dammit Ellie. Yeah he’s grown since he said Ziva was like a sister to him and just stomped on your heart, he didn’t say it then but you’re like a sister to him too Ellie. I love that he fights her on it, and Ellie is like shit I have to come up with something. I don’t think she expected McGee of all people to fight her on this and I’m so glad he did. A little bit of growth because he is not going to see another person he views as family leave him again. And Ellie’s half assed excuses please, all of it is just such BULLSHIT because when they first debriefed she was just like “ethical? Hmmm” nothing more, nothing about being a vigilante and being up in arms over this like she claims she was. Bullshit Ellie, bullshit. And the PARALLELS TO FUCKING GIBBS. THIS IS WHAT YOU DID GIBBS, THIS IS YOU. LOOK WHERE YOU FUCKING PUSHED ELEANOR BISHOP TO STOOP TO. McGee begging her to regret it and Ellie pulls a Gibbs and is like NOPE. WONDER WHERE THE FUCK SHE LEARNED THAT FROM HUH. Gibbs you are singlehandedly responsible for this shit and how Ellie broke Nick’s heart and whatever happens to her on this stupid mission. I’m glad your dumb boat blew up, you deserve it. 

“I don’t want protection” because I can’t have you all following me. 

“It kills me that I lied to the people I was closest to” not about what you think I’m lying about but what I’ve been hiding. It kills me that I can’t tell you the real reason for this. It kills me.

“It wasn’t years ago for us” McGee rip my heart out please it will hurt less. And Ellie just playing into all of it. Knowing that she needs him and everyone else to hate her and not trust her. Her entire livelihood and backstory rely on them hating her and not following her, believing she’s the enemy and she’s hid these kinds of secrets for so long. Believing she’s a criminal and it was all a farce. She has to play into it. She has to. It’s the only way she will survive, they’ll survive. Odette likely fed her this shit, cut all ties, make sure no one follows, make sure no one is attached, burn all bridges. 

Ah and we’re back to pissed Nick. Nick who doesn’t like to be left in the dark ever, let alone when it deals with Bishop. Getting his edgy self being rude to Kasie but Kasie doesn’t even bat an eyelash. She knows Nick is hurting and she reaches out to him, she doesn’t take his tone to heart because she knows. Nick saying he wouldn’t know how she’s doing is just like a knife to the heart. He wants to know, desperately. He once thought he was the person she would go to in times like these but now all he’s getting is radio silence, a cold shoulder, and screened phone calls. He’s in visceral pain from the thought of her going through this alone, pain from everything he once thought true and good being destroyed in a day’s time. And Kasie is shocked that Nick hasn’t spoken to her. If that doesn’t tell you she knows that they are a thing and the gravity of all this, I don’t know what will. Nick should have spoken to her, clearly he wants to, in every other situation he would have already. But Kasie (and Jessica) just realized Ellie is shutting Nick out and that is Not Good. 

Back to Gibbs. Fucking asshole he is. McGee comes to you desperate to help his sister, Gibbs’ “daughter” and he goes “I think she’s at a crossroads” ???? Acting like he didn’t fucking encourage her at this so-called crossroads???? Like ???? The fuck???? Her crossroads was painfully obvious when she came to talk to you and YOU basically treated her like you couldn’t care less about her. That you had no clue what she was dealing with in her life and said as much. So yeah, she WAS at a fucking crossroads until you SHOVED her into oncoming traffic and said have a nice fucking life. AND THEN. McGee wants to help her and Gibbs tells him he can’t??? “Not this time” bitch this is YOUR FAULT. YOU COULD HAVE HELPED HER. COULD HAVE TALKED TO HER AT LEAST SOMEWHAT AND YOU DIDN’T. YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T REALIZE SHE WAS SPIRALING AND THAT YOU DIDN’T REGRET LEAVING YOUR SO-CALLED FOUND FAMILY IN THE DUST AND GUESS WHAT. SHE WENT AND PARROTED YOUR WORDS RIGHT BACK AT MCGEE SO FUCK YOU GIBBS. 

Ooooh Nick looks lethal, love that look, hate why he has that look though. Lol Nick getting ready to go murder the dude in interrogation because he set up Ellie and he’s just ignoring the fact that she claims she committed treason because he already knows there is literally no way on earth that she did it. And Vance realizing that Nick needs to stand down like fiiiiiiinally someone realized it. Obviously he isn’t gonna listen and poor Nick, this boy has it bad and he’s truly just SO WORRIED for what Ellie is about to do. Because right there, the confirmation that the file was a plant, that was the final puzzle piece falling into its perfect place. Every single thing he questioned, every little moment he’d replayed in his head, it all made sense. And he was so very pissed she hadn’t come to him- and honestly I think part of him is trying to ignore the WHY that’s behind that because he truly wouldn’t be able to think straight if he went there. I think that would be his end, going into the why she didn’t trust him, why she lied, why it hurts him so much. It would be the end, and yet…we’re just beginning here. And of course he knows exactly who is manipulating Ellie, he hadn’t trusted that scum from the start. So of course he goes straight to Odette’s cabin and lays in wait, probably pouring over all the documents and things Ellie did or didn’t leave behind there. 

Ellie pulling up in the truck and that heavy sigh? Yeah, she’s still not convinced this is a good idea. She’s running on emotions but that logical part of her (and deep down, her heart, knowing what she’s about to do- who she’s about to cut out of her life) is whispering of how very bad an idea this is. She still has to gather her willpower to get out of that car but when it’s Gibbs calling her? The same Gibbs that basically just kicked her out the door without so much as a wave goodbye? Yeah, the emotion just came rushing back, pushing the logic aside. She claims she can’t tell Nick because no shit if she has to look him in the face and lie and still say goodbye, it’ll kill her. She’s honestly not sure if she can go through with it. 

OH we back to a Gibbs hate novel, hold on. “I’M REALLY PROUD OF YOU BISHOP” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I’M REALLY PROUD YOU’RE THROWING EVERYTHING YOU EVER WORKED FOR AWAY, PUSHING THE ONES YOU LOVE THE MOST OUT OF YOUR LIFE, SACRIFICING YOUR ONE SHOT OF LOVE THAT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE DESERVE THE MOST. I’M SO PROUD OF YOU. Oh fuck OFF Gibbs. “Following your gut” oh shut UP. I just don’t understand this part. I don’t understand it, and I’m trying so hard for it to make sense, for it to be in character. Like does Gibbs have any clue?? I’m sure he recognizes the signs, I’m sure he has an inkling at this point. So how would he be proud? How the FUCK would he say he’s learned some stuff from her. Does he mistakenly trust Odette because of what she did for Ziva? Is he just so self-absorbed he doesn’t completely comprehend what Ellie is doing leaving Nick behind??? And Rule 91 is a load of shit. “When you decide to walk away, don’t look back” how FUCKING STUPID. Like Gibbs of all people, you should understand that is a SHIT rule. You’ve lost the people you loved dearly and you think she should just never look back? Like are you saying this so that Ellie has a clear head for the undercover op? Are you hoping she doesn’t get herself killed by being wrapped up in what she left behind??? What the actual fuck. Stupid ass rule honestly. It’s what you live by Gibbs and look how well that turned out for you. Look at the family you ditched. Nice fucking job. 

“It’s done” and “what are you talking about I did everything you asked” ok she’s 100% being manipulated and almost blackmailed somehow. There’s no other explanation. Eleanor Raye Bishop wouldn’t do this shit. Not willingly, not if she knew how much Nick loved her and how much she loved him (which if her words in just a minute are any indication, yeah she had a fucking clue). Odette calling Nick a loose end just SCREAMS how she purposefully fucking chose the moment Ellie and Nick started to get close to decide it was time for Ellie to go undercover. I just KNOW it. She’s a manipulative bitch and there is no limit to the rock bottom she will stoop to. 

Ellie knows who she’s talking about and the just look of fuck I have to actually tell him to his face. The doubt and grief and guilt and all of it, flashing across her face as she realizes she has to do this. She has to face this, she has to lie. She has to break his trust (not that she hasn’t already) something SHE made so painstakingly clear she needed from Nick. Nick is rightfully *pissed* I mean who can blame him. Ellie with her, “I have nothing to be sorry for.” I know Ellie is just doing her best to burn bridges, the hesitation and avoidance leading up to this lends itself to no other interpretation. She is going to say anything and everything to make sure Nick does not follow her. Make sure he stays as far away as possible from her. She can’t bear the thought of him getting hurt in some way from all this. Even though he may not get physically hurt, I don’t think she realizes the heart break is going to be worse. The painful part is Nick understands, he understands why she wants to do undercover. He had seen that glimmer in her eye when they were Charlie and Luis, he gets it, he’s been there. And he wishes so desperately he could impress every lesson he’s learned on her right then and there but at the same time he knows it won’t change a thing. He just wishes in vain that their love would change her mind, even if logic wouldn’t, their love surely could. I think Ellie starts to realize just how much Nick can see through her and that’s why she owns up to the fact that Odette planted the files, and also why I believe the leak was all an elaborate hack that Ellie didn’t know about. 

Then we get to the even more painful part of Nick giving us a glimpse of his raw heart. The why now with a voice crack and Ellie’s hedge at now wasn’t her choice with her own voice cracking, just is so so so telling. She could lie, she could really work at burning this relationship in a blaze of glory but she doesn’t, she owns up to the fact that she didn’t purposefully choose now (aka right when they were starting to figure things out between them), she’s not pulling the strings. Nick coming back with so you had a choice is like the little 5 year old boy whose dad is walking out on him again and it just HURTS. And at the same time Ellie is also the young, insecure agent right now who just wants to prove herself. She wants to be viewed as “ready” and the man whose opinion she bases way too much of her self-worth in didn’t say he was proud of her until she was upending her career to go on some deep cover op where she ditches everyone important in her life. 

“How long?” “Too long.” Yeah ok FUCK ME. They both know exactly what they’re talking about without even saying the actual words. Ellie’s voice cracks once again because of the emotion in Nick’s voice and what he’s implying. It pains her to leave him and what they’re becoming behind. It viscerally hurts her, you can see it on her face. She doesn’t want it to be too long, but she knows it will be. She can’t fathom that he’d stay or wait for her, she doesn’t think she even deserves that. 

Tbh it’s so hard to put this all into words. To fully convey to you how angry and hurt I am over this shit. Ellie’s being manipulated and hurt that she has to burn this bridge and push Nick as far away from her as possible. She thinks its her only out and what should be expected of her based off her conversation with Gibbs because then she parrots his exact words back at Nick when he begs, literally begs her to say something after she was willing to leave without saying goodbye (which we know is because she didn’t think she was going to be able to look Nick in the eye and still go through with it all), “sometimes there’s nothing left to be said” like fuck you Gibbs for planting that in her head. There’s PLENTY left to be said. Clearly Nick was not pleased you blew him off Ellie, he wants you to say anything that would make this make sense (we all are tbh) and she says you know my *favorite* line, “I didn’t mean for us to happen.” Nick is all of us with his “something else” because WHAT THE FUCK. This is how I know Ellie was going full throttle with her strategy of pushing Nick away. This was the one thing she could say that would hit hardest for Nick. The man who is insecure about anyone truly loving him and him being a person deserving of a love that “stays” and for Ellie to say she didn’t mean to fall in love and even though they did she’s still going to leave because it was never in the plan, just damn, stab him in the back and twist that knife Ellie. And just like her body language this WHOLE TIME 💀💀💀 she’s just shaking her head because she doesn’t even believe her own words, she doesn’t want to confront this, she doesn’t want to end this. There’s tears in her eyes because everything she’s saying is a lie and it hurts it hurts so damn much but she has to. She’s been manipulated into believing she has to do this, has to say these things. And his body language too, I mean he is tight. He is standing so rigid, hands clasped behind his back because he’s trying to convey openness and vulnerability and it’s so much growth for Nick, so much growth and Ellie is still ripping his heart out and stomping on it. And when she chokes out that goodbye you can hear and feel how final she believes it to be. She doesn’t think he’ll stick around or even want to. In this vein I think she underestimates his love for her here. And if the show goes a different way with it, they’re little bitches. It is in character for Nick to do everything in his power and outside of the rules to find & save Ellie. I will riot if I don’t see unhinged Nick some point early in s19 (I say like I’m going to watch religiously), because that is the only logical reaction to her leaving like this. 

The kiss. It’s a beautiful fucking kiss and it’s ruined by context. It’s an emotional kiss, Ellie throws her body behind it, gripping his face with both hands because she doesn’t want to let him go (even though she’s going to), she clutches to this memory like she clutches to his face. Nick’s clenched expression because he doesn’t want to open his heart up to more heartbreak but when he leans into the kiss and gives the kiss back you know he’s a goner. And maybe a part of him doesn’t care because this may be his last memory of her for a long time and he’s going to burn it into his memory too. It’s why he keeps his eyes shut after she’s left for so long, he doesn’t want to open them and the reality of her retreating back be the last thing he sees of Ellie. He wants the kiss to be the last thing, he doesn’t want to face his reality. His hands had even come out from behind his back, reaching out to her subconsciously willing her not to leave. Meanwhile, Ellie opens her eyes for that last kiss on the cheek to get one last long look at Nick, one last look that will hold her over for who knows how long. A look at his vulnerable face, a face she loves. A look that she hopes will keep her warm at night even though she knows she’ll never get it this close to her again because there’s no way in hell that Nick would entertain the thought of them together again after what she’s done. She doesn’t look back because she can’t. She can’t see Nick’s wounded face just standing there, broken or she won’t go. And Nick tries to stand resolute, the anger and pain flashing across his face before he grits his teeth together and *hopefully* resolves to find Odette and kill her I mean save Ellie I mean kill Odette 🙊

Anyways, there’s only a very specific way this entire finale makes sense. And I know Emily’s pregnancy threw it for a loop, but they can still SOMEWHAT fix this. Do I think they will? Hell fucking no. I have zero expectations, in fact negative expectations. I have a feeling what we were supposed to see is Nick going on an absolute swan rampage to find Ellie and clear her name throughout the first couple episodes of s19 and with Emily leaving the show, I’m not sure how they’ll twist this. I can see why they thought this was a fun cliffhanger because it would eventually be resolved and I do believe they would’ve eventually gotten ellick together after Nick found her. But unless Emily comes back at the end of the show, that won’t happen, at least not on screen. And with that I just 🥲 I’m still mad, I’m still broken inside but yeah. I’m a masochist before anything else apparently and so I made myself rewatch and write this out. A bittersweet pissed off adieu to the WWR. maybe one day i’ll find another ship & show that gets this level of meta out of me, but it’s been real ellick, it’s been really real ❤️

[morganaspendragonss]

If you still have the square open, fingore for Tarlos? I looked it up and the definition made me all cringy lol because I am a giant wuss, so I was thinking maybe threat of fingore (or actual fingore if you want to go for it because you are clearly made of cooler and tougher stuff than me ;) ), something with Carlos hostage on a case and the bad guys want him to give up some information? Or Carlos is protecting TK somehow and won't tell them where he is?

holly's august extravaganza day 8: we'll hold each other soon

unfortunately the square had already been taken when this came through but i hope you like what i came up with! thanks for the prompt! tied into chapters five and eleven from the breeze in my austin nights

ao3 | 2.1k | angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, torture, carlos briefly thinks tk is dead but he's not

Carlos had known this would happen. He’s known for weeks; he’s felt the suspicion in the gang growing, sensed his cover crumbling bit by bit. It’s been especially bad since his run-in with Paul and Marjan, but that was really just the final straw.

Things with this mission have been going sideways for a long time. He’d reported it to his supervisors, of course he had, but all they’d said was that the case was too important to give up just because of one man’s feeling.

He wishes he could take satisfaction in being proved right.

Unfortunately, him being right means nothing to his supervisors. For Carlos, it means getting dragged out of his temporary apartment in the early hours of the morning and taken, blindfolded and gagged, to a remote corner of town, probably unknown to everyone outside of the gang.

Carlos doesn’t struggle as he’s shoved into a chair and chained by the feet, his hands and torso bound to the wood with a rough rope that rubs his skin painfully. By the low mutters and footsteps echoing around the room, it’s clear there’s more than just one or two of the gang holding him, so he figures that fighting will only make things worse for him.

Once he’s sufficiently tied up, the blindfold is yanked from his eyes and the gag removed. Carlos gratefully sucks in a few deep breaths, blinking hard as his vision adjusts to the harsh fluorescent lighting in the room. There are six men surrounding him and Carlos recognises one as the gang leader, Manese. Another, Daniels, is holding a crowbar, and all of them are armed with at least one gun, probably more.

Carlos, meanwhile, is lucky he’s wearing socks.

Thank god for draughty apartments.

Manese steps forward, his hard stare betraying little emotion. “I’m gonna cut the bullshit, Reyes,” he says. “We know who you are, we know you’ve been passing information to other cops, and we know you’re probably not doing it alone.

“So, you’ve got two choices. Either you make it easy for us and we’ll make it easy for you—I’d say I’d let you live, but you and I both know I can’t do that. But I will leave a body to bury. Or, you make it difficult and we’ll return the favour. And, believe me, we can make things very, very difficult for you.” He grins and spreads his hands out, tipping them in a mimic of a set of scales. “This only ends one way for you, Reyes. All you gotta do is decide how fast you want to get there.”

The look Manese sends him lets Carlos know that he already knows exactly what decision he’s going to make, and that he’s going to enjoy it. Carlos sighs and closes his eyes, briefly hanging his head. He spares a thought for his family back in Austin—his parents, TK—and prays that, whatever happens, they’ll at least be able to get some closure.

Then, he steels himself and looks Manese dead in the eyes. “Do what you want. I’m not telling you anything.”

Manese’s grin takes on a shark-like quality, and Carlos has to force himself not to react to the way he leers at him. “Excellent choice.” He flicks his hand and Daniels steps forward, a manic look in his eye as he flexes his grip around the crowbar.

Carlos barely has a moment to prepare himself before all he knows is pain.

*

He screams as the crowbar comes down for what feels like the hundredth time, eliciting a sickening crack as his arm breaks. Carlos’s vision white out and he folds in on himself as much as he can, his left arm straining to cradle his right, but all he achieves is the already abused skin becoming more raw and sore. He breathes heavily, blinking rapidly as the room slowly swims into view once more. Daniels looks bored, the crowbar swinging loosely in his grasp, and Manese seems to be running out of patience.

“Got your memory back yet, Reyes?” he asks tersely.

Carlos just shakes his head and braces himself for the next hit.

Which doesn’t come.

And doesn’t come.

And doesn’t come.

Carlos squints up at them, frowning when he sees Manese with a hand on Daniels’ arm as he studies him closely. The calculating glint in his eye sends a flash of dread through Carlos; nothing good can possibly come of this.

“Go for his fingers next,” he orders after a while, releasing Daniels. “I don’t care how—break them, shoot them, crush them, whatever—just get me answers.” He turns to Carlos and tuts, sighing heavily in mock regret. “This is your own fault, Reyes. All this can be over like that”—he snaps his fingers—“if you just give me what I want. A couple names, a location or two, that’s all I’m asking. Not much, right?”

Carlos stubbornly stays silent—at this point, he’s not sure he has enough breath left to speak even if he wanted to—and Manese sighs again.

“Your funeral.” He shrugs and steps back to give Daniels room, but before anything can happen, one of the others in the room rushes forward to whisper something to Manese. Carlos can’t hear what’s being said and he’s too exhausted to try; all he can feel is relief for the brief reprieve. His arm is screaming at him, the pain in the rest of his body paling in comparison, and he’s not sure how much longer he can stand it.

The hushed mutters continue for another minute, until eventually Manese nods sharply and four of the six men in the room file out. He smiles at Carlos, sickly sweet, and claps his hands together once, rubbing them for good measure. “Looks like it’s your lucky day, Reyes,” he says, with a lazy drawl that can’t mean anything good. “Business calls.”

Carlos doesn’t have time to comprehend what that means before Manese and Daniels are also leaving, flipping them lights off as they go.

And Carlos is left alone.

*

Time means nothing as Carlos waits for someone to return and finish what they started. The only thing he’s certain of is that something must have changed to get Manese to halt his torture, and it probably isn’t a very good something.

Not for Carlos, at least.

He thinks about trying to escape, but even slight movements are so painful that he fears he might throw up or pass out or, more likely, both. Besides, even if he did manage to get out of the bonds on his arms and torso, there would still be the chains on his feet to deal with, and Carlos knows there’s more of a chance of rescue than him dealing with those on his own, especially with a broken arm.

His mind is left to wander, and he keeps circling back to one point that seems to solidify itself more with each second that passes.

He’s not getting out of here.

A fresh wave of pain—not physical, this time—washes through him, and his whole chest aches as he thinks of TK. He’d been so worried for Carlos ever since they found out about the case, and he’d begged him to stay safe the morning he’d left just over three months ago.

“Be careful, please,” TK said, smoothing down the lapels of Carlos’s shirt. “Whatever happens out there, whatever you have to do, just promise me one thing. Promise you’ll come back to me.”

Carlos knew better than to promise something like that, and TK knew better than to ask it. But because it was him, and because it was TK, Carlos just nodded and leaned in to press a kiss to TK’s temple.

“I promise,” he whispered, pulling away. TK didn’t let him go far before dragging him into a real kiss. It felt like it lasted forever, only to seem far too short when they broke apart, still clinging to one another. Carlos allowed himself another minute in TK’s embrace, then forced himself to move away, giving his boyfriend one last smile.

TK returned it with a smile of his own, and Carlos carried it with him long after the door swung closed between them.

It’s the last good memory Carlos has, and he’s going to hold onto it for as long as he has left. If he’s going to die, then the last thing he wants to see is TK’s smile, even if it is just in his mind.

*

Carlos is nearly blinded when the lights suddenly turn back on, revealing Manese and two other gang members standing in front of him. He only vaguely recognises these two—it’s possible he could dredge up some names if he thought about it for long enough, but his attention is locked on Manese, who looks far too pleased with himself, in the same way a predator must look before it catches its prey.

“You’ve made it clear you’re not going to give us any names,” Manese says, “so now I’m going to give you one.” He steps closer and lowers his voice, grinning like he’s sharing a secret just for the two of them. “Tyler Kennedy Strand.”

Carlos’s blood runs cold at the sound of TK’s name.

TK’s full name.

“What—” but his ruined and dry throat refuses to cooperate. Instead, he levels a glare at Manese, and hopes that it’s enough to convey every single question and threat running through his mind right now.

If possible, Manese’s smile widens. “Recognise it do you?” he says lightly. “I thought you might. See, Carlos, we have people all over, not just in this shithole town, and once we knew who you were, it was child’s play to track down your nearest and dearest. And who is nearer and dearer than that pretty boy of yours?”

He steps back and snaps his fingers, holding his hand out. One of the others hands him a slip of paper, which Manese then presents to Carlos, dropping it carelessly in his lap. “Take a look.”

Curiosity getting the better of him, Carlos looks down at what he realises is a photograph. He can’t understand it at first, but slowly the details become clearer and more familiar, and—god.

“I’ll give him credit, he put up quite the fight,” Manese is saying, but he sounds like he’s shouting down a tunnel, the roaring in Carlos’s ears blocking out most other sounds. “It’s unfortunate that fists can’t stop a bullet.”

*

Everything stops making sense after that.

TK is dead.

TK is dead.

It makes no sense, so why should anything else? Carlos stares and stares at the photo, and keeps staring even after it’s snatched out of his lap, the image burned onto his retinas by now. He’s aware, distantly, of voices and sounds and sensations but they’re all muted, happening outside this bubble he’s created around himself.

He wishes they’d just get it over with.

*

Carlos blinks, and there’s someone new in front of him, someone unfamiliar who touches him gently and looks at him kindly.

He blinks and the scenery changes. He’s in a vehicle, staring up at a white ceiling, being taken...somewhere. He feels warm and the pain has dimmed, but he’s sinking again before he can put a thought to what that means.

He blinks and he’s in a bed, a woman standing in front of him and asking him questions. Carlos doesn’t really understand what’s going on, doesn’t know what could possibly be more important than the fact that TK is dead and it’s all his fault. He shakes his head at the woman and turns away.

He blinks, and TK is there.

And, when he blinks again, TK is still there.

And it’s—it’s impossible. He’s hallucinating or dreaming because TK is dead, and dead people don’t come back to life just because he might wish it.

So he tries, and he tries, and he tries to snap himself back to reality. But it doesn’t work, and TK is still in front of him, that crease between his brows growing with every second that passes. Carlos wants to reach out and smooth it away but he knows he can’t, and—

And, TK takes his hand and presses it to his chest.

Hallucinations don’t feel that solid.

They also don’t have a heartbeat.

This time, when TK doesn’t disappear, Carlos allows himself to believe.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby,” TK whispers in his ear, holding him close, warm and solid and alive. “I’m always going to be right here.”

[wastelandcth]

ghost of you - cth

summary: dovey’s been dancing around with the memories of calum and what their relationship used to be. 

author’s notes: here’s the part two of best years! inspired by this tik tok. 

warnings: angst, more sad feelings. 

masterlist || request || more doves

Here I am waking up, dreamt you were by my side.

The weeks seemed to blend together. Days passed much like the seasons and Dovey found herself back in LA with the small dog sleeping in the backseat of her car as she drove through the crowded streets she'd become so used to. It was dark by the time the city lights had come into view, but that never stopped people from being out and celebrating life. Dovey's first few days back in the city were spent in a haze, trying to distract herself from the fact that she'd be seeing Calum again in a matter of days. The first morning back in LA, Dovey woke up to the sunshine on her face, her brain still trying to process the dream that had played through her mind while she slept. 

"Do you think we'll always be like this?" Calum had whispered, his hair a mess from Dovey's fingers that had been tugging and running through it just minutes before. "Do you think it will always feel like we're on our honeymoon?"

He looked ethereal, the way the sunlight hit his skin and made him glow in that hotel room. Dovey could feel his touch on her skin, could feel the way his fingertips traced shapes onto her shoulder, and Dovey could most definitely feel the kisses her pressed onto her skin. 

"I hope so." she whispered back, looking up into the brown eyes she'd fallen in love with all those years ago, "Don't know what I would do if we lost this." 

Left my coffee cup at your place, almost cried. 

Dropping Duke off had seemed like a good idea when she had texted Calum and told him she needed to run some errands before their big meeting. She was almost positive that the old dog missed his house and the dog bed Dovey had forgotten to take with her months ago. The drive, one she had done a thousand times before, felt strange. The streets all looked the same and the neighborhood had changed since the last time she had been there. The lawns were littered with leaves that had fallen and the usual holiday decorations were gone. 

Calum had promised that he'd be out in the studio during the day, that he wasn't going to show up at home while Dovey dropped Duke off. If there was one thing she still believed about Calum, it was his ability to keep a promise, and so she found herself grabbing the hidden key near the front door and walking into the house she'd once called home. 

It was strange, being in the one place she had felt safe and comfortable in and now feeling empty. The AC was on and the windows were shut, making the once lively house silent and cold. Duke would have cared less about the way Dovey's hand shook as she looked around the kitchen and living room, he was on a mission to find the most comfortable spot in the house again. Once she knew that the dog would be comfortable on his own, until Calum came back and he was finally reunited with his owner after months apart, she made her way back to the entrance, her body tensing as she saw the mug on the counter. 

It had been a stupid idea. But Dovey had just been excited to spend some time outside of arenas and radio stations to explore whatever city the tour had brought them to. It had been their first tour together, Calum had practically begged Dovey to join him for at least a few weeks so that he could show her the world. They had snuck out early in the morning, hand in hand through the chilly weather in search of adventure. Calum had made a list of places he'd been wanting to check out and Dovey was not going to say no to spending all the time she could with Cal before they were shoved onto a cramped tour bus again. 

"Do you think they'll let me keep the mug? I'm pretty sure I could convince the waiter to let me take the mug." Calum had mumbled quietly as they sat in a cafe somewhere in the middle of the city, watching the crowds of people walk past them. "I'm pretty good at talking people into things."

"Oh yeah?" Dovey had asked with a chuckle, taking a sip of her own warm drink and examining the matching mug in her hands, "Think you could convince him to let us take both?" 

The mug, evidently, had made its way from a café in Europe all the way back to sunny California without a scratch and now it was staring Dovey in the face. The memories of the tour and just how happy she had been to see Calum in his element on stage and then taking city tours the next day brought a pang to her heart. But the mug had meant just as much to Calum as it did to her and she wasn't going to be the one to steal it from another shelf just for her to be sad again. 

'cause I dreamed long enough, without you I'll never be fine. I won't be just fine. 

Her dreams came in waves most nights. Some were like watching a montage of her life. Sometimes it would be memories of growing up and going to school and other times, it would be of Calum. If she was being honest, most nights ever since she'd gotten to LA, she'd dreamt of Calum. She'd dream of moments she had forgotten about, like their third date when she had made Calum laugh so hard that soda spilled out from his nose or when they pranked Luke while on tour by hiding his passport. 

Some nights, Dovey found herself tossing and turning as she tried to clear her mind of whatever dreams Calum had managed to infiltrate himself into. But the harder she tried the more he showed up and even after their talk, Dovey realized she couldn't ever get him out of her mind. 

I can't drown this out like I always do. 

She found herself walking out of the hotel room in the middle of the night, wrapped up in a hoodie and fuzzy socks. In her mind, the plan was to call him an idiot and tell him he was never allowed to stop talking to her again, which seemed fair considering he hadn't stopped talking the day before when they had been face to face for the first time in months. Then she was going to take the ring back, making sure he knew that if he ever fucked up like this again and she took it off, there was no way in hell she'd ever put it back on. The third step of her plan, the part she was blaming mostly on the dream she'd been having before she shuffled out of bed at two in the morning, was to grab his stupid face and kiss him. 

Dovey had ran over her brilliant plan a few times in her head as the elevator travelled down to the lobby, her mind racing as she began to doubt the genius of it all. Because what if Calum hadn't meant what he said the day before? What if he hadn't wanted to get back together and he was just asking for closure? Surely he would've made it clear, right? Was Dovey just going to drive to their- to his- house and make demands? She had surely lost her mind due to the lack of sleep and now she was going to embarrass her-

"Dovey?" Calum's voice brought her back to the elevator, whose doors were wide open and a very disheveled looking Calum stared back at her in confusion. 

"Calum."

When I close my eyes, I see the ghost of you.

The sun was coming up by the time Calum and Dovey found themselves tangled up in each other's arms, chest rising and falling in unison. The soft light of the sun was peeking in through the blinds of the hotel room and Dovey found herself looking up at the man who she had thought she'd lost. The man who she had given her best years to. But as he laid next to her, with flushed cheeks and curls stuck to his forehead, Dovey realized that he'd given his best years to her. From the ring he'd never taken off since the day she had slid it onto his finger to the way his body fit against hers so perfectly, Calum had been there for all of her best years and they were both going to be there for the rest of them too. 

They might've missed out on a few months, both of them too stubborn to be the first one to cave in and admit the truth, but as Dovey's dreams melded with her reality and Calum's fingertips found their way across her skin, there was no one else she would rather have next to her than Calum. The ghost of pain and loneliness had been next to her for too long and she wasn't going to let them stay any longer. Calum was real and he was holding her like no one else could. For the first time in what seemed like months, both of them found themselves drifting off to sleep with promises made of love and more of their best years to come. 

taglist:  @hoodhoran​ @finelliine​ @moonlightcriess​ @dinosaursandsocks @mxgyver​ @calpops​ @karajaynetoday​ @notlukehemmo​ @calumrose​ @devilatmydoor​ @lyss-xo​ @lowkeyflop​

[misssunflowersandsangria]

Knots

Hello deers!  This has been sitting in my drafts folder for a while so I wanted to finally share it with you all.  It’s the last part of my Sand Sibs stories, Strings and Thread.  Enjoy it!

Summary: Temari had dreamed of supporting her brothers and leading Suna.  It was a role that she was content to fulfil for her entire life.  Then a curious thing came into her life in the form of one Shinobi from Konoha.

*

**

Knots

“I’m worried, she’s really sick.”

“Maybe it's like ya know. That time of the month.” Kankuro’s voice dropped to a whisper.

“You idiot. You absolute moron.” Temari's voice shot back through the layers of blankets.

“I think she's okay.”

“Temari, are you okay?” Gaara asked carefully.

She nodded her head. “I’m fine. Everything is just fine. Why do you ask?”

“Well, you’ve been locked in your room for days now. You haven’t snapped at anyone or called me stupid. We’re getting concerned.”

She sighed, taking a deep breath seeing the worry clear in their eyes.

“Shikamaru proposed.”

Their expressions brightened. “Temari! That’s great, congratulations!”

“We should be celebrating.” Kankurou stared at his sister curiously. Gaara was right. Something was wrong. “Why isn’t Nara here?”

“I couldn’t say yes.”

Their eyes shot wide open. “Temari?”

“Shikamaru needs to be in Konoha and I couldn’t leave you two and Suna. Who am I if I’m not Temari of the Desert?” She knew that she made the right decision. She couldn’t just leave her brothers and Suna because of something as trivial as love, right? This was the right thing to do she assured herself. But then why did her heart feel like it was tied up in knots?

They both sat next to her and she leaned into them. “Temari, I don’t tell you this often but you made the wrong choice,” Gaara told her, placing a gentle hand over hers.

“What?”

“Temari you’ve done everything for us and Suna and the fact that you felt like you had to say no to his proposal for us makes me feel incredibly guilty. You raised us, we’ll be okay no matter how far you might be.” Kankurou tried to assure her. She was so damn loyal, even to her own detriment.

“You’ve been Temari no Sabaku for a long time and you always will be her. I think that maybe you should try being Nara Temari.”

Her heart fluttered at the idea.

“If you stay here Temari, you won’t be yourself. I’d rather have you happy, and complete miles away than here and just a shadow of who you are.”

She sat there silently replaying that moment Shikamaru proposed. Rather than feeling excited and happy, it was difficult and terrifying being pulled in two different directions.

“We told him that we approved. Didn’t he let you know that?”

She shook her head. “I didn’t give him a chance. After he asked I said no and for the first time in my life I ran.” The absolute shock and brokenness in his eyes would be a look that haunted her. She wondered if she had given him some time to explain if the results would have been different.

“Well, I had a feeling something happened between you two because this self-imposed quarantine happened after you returned from Konoha so he’s actually here. I asked Kakashi to send him some documents for the alliance.”

He was there. She could fix this. She could make it right.

Kankurou wrapped an affectionate arm around her, leveling her with a soft look. She knew that he hated it but like this, it was almost as though her father was speaking to her as well.

“Trust us, and trust yourself a little more. We’ll be okay, and you more than anyone deserves to be happy. It’s obvious that you want to be with him. No matter where you are the three of us will always be bound together.”

*

**

Shikamaru rubbed his sweaty palms on his pants while waiting for the Kazekage.

He imagined this trip much differently. After he proposed he planned for them to go to Suna to let her brothers know. At this point, he didn't even know if she was in the country or if she’d let them know what happened.

Now he had to be there, his tail tucked between his legs, and let Kankurou and Gaara know that he failed to get a yes after practically begging for their approval. He approached them months ago during his last trip to Suna to ask for their blessing. He thought that if he had that she’d be more willing to say yes. He tried to tell her as such but when she’d flat out refused words failed him. When he could finally get his wits about him she had already run off leaving him kneeling in the grass alone.

The ring was heavy in his pocket. He’d tried to return it to his mother but she insisted that he hold onto it. It was technically his now. She seemed to believe that he’d have some use for it. Part of him just wanted to give it to Temari. No one else would ever wear it.

He knew that he was a masochist and despite how broken he felt he still wanted to see her. Even just to ask what he did wrong. To have some kind of closure. Her saying no didn’t seem possible. Everyone was convinced they belonged together and honestly, he thought that she believed it too.

He stood up hearing the door behind him open turning to greet the Kazekage but felt his heart stop.

“Tem.” She threw herself into his arms a teary mess.

“I’m so sorry.” She sobbed into his chest and he held her tightly.

“Don’t apologize I should have asked if you were ready or even wanted to be married. I just assumed I’m sorry-“

“Don’t, please don’t apologize for proposing to me. Do you regret it?”

He shook his head. “No. I would take that risk each and every time. Still, if you need more time I’ll give you that.“

“No, that’s not it. I’ve always looked after my brothers even when they were babies. I was content to fulfill that role for the rest of my life. To watch over and protect Suna. Then this crazy thing happened.” She couldn’t help the grin that crossed her face despite the tears in her eyes.

“I fell in love with a cry baby shinobi miles and miles away and it made me rethink everything that I wanted in life.” Her fingers gently traced over his face.

“You make me want so much more. I imagine us, raising a family, leading the Nara clan, and growing old and gray together. I got scared because I was afraid that by saying yes I would be losing who I am that I was being selfish. I think that I am gaining something more, that somehow I’ve earned this. I want us. I want to be Nara Temari”

The admission left him breathless and despite knowing she’d tease him for the rest of their lives the tears appeared in his eyes.

“Temari, the only thing I ever wanted out of life was to live it as simply and easily as I could. Loving you has been the easiest decision of my life. You will always be my fierce desert princess. I will never ask you to change but if you’re willing though, will you also be my wife?

Kankurou and Gaara watched the proposal from the other side of the door relieved when she finally accepted. It would be tough without her but the best gift that they could give her was freedom. Allowing her the space to decide what she wanted in life and who she wanted to be.

Unable to hold back their excitement any longer they burst in and gathered the engaged couple into a hug. Shikamaru trapped between them. Those invisible knots tying them together.

*

**

The Ties that Bind

Ugh.  I love this family so much!!!!!!!!  It's interesting that the Sand Sibs don't technically have a last name. So if Temari did take Shikamaru's name and became a Nara that's a pretty big deal. Okie, so I've started writing the next chapter for Stalemate.  Hopefully it will be out before the new year.  Then I need to work on Yamanaka Week stories, then I need to relax for a little lol.   

Thanks for reading and all your support my loves!!! 

[nonawaaa]

Lovers Series: Forsaken Story 

1, 2, 3 , 4

Sakura feels sick. So sick of what happened. It's been a month since she confessed which left her mad, confused and heartbroken. How could this happen? She was sure she had a chance.

"Dinner was wonderful Sasuke-kun, thank you for driving me home," Sakura smiles, she gave him a coy smile, not to say that she has been blushing the entire time they were driving in silence.

"Hn, thank you for coming,"

Sakura went out of the car and stood before the car door still opened. Her heart is pounding as Sasuke looks at her with a smile, getting ready to leave and just waiting for her to close the car door.

"Uhm… Sasuke-kun I ha- I have been wanting to tell you…" Sasuke looks at her confused, waiting for what she is about to say. What a shitty way to start a confession. He is still waiting and she is still standing. A minute has gone by and they look like they are having a staring competition.

"Sakur-?"

"Sasuke-kun I like you, I really really like you," She cuts him off and says it so fast but her words are easy to understand. She says those words looking at him straight in the eye, her whole body almost blushing which is evident because of her very red face. Sasuke stares at her, first with a smile, but that smile slowly turned into a serious face, no emotion at all. Sakura is confused, did she ruined their night? Not at all right? They have been hanging out for months now, she's sure he got her signals.

Sasuke's eyes turns toward the windshield of the car, he looks forward still with no emotion at his face. Sakura don't know what to do, she just stands there, waiting for him to talk, waiting for a response. Suddenly Sasuke starts the engine which made Sakura step backwards from the car.

"I'm sorry Sakura…"

That was the last thing she heard from him before she slammed the car door closed and rushed inside her dorm. She didn't heard from him after her failed confession, she tried to talk to him, she really tried, she went to his friends, she calls his number, she waits for him by the campus gate wishing maybe she can see him and get some closure about what happened but nothing happened, he was always away or gone or any other excuse as to why she can't see him. It was like Uchiha Sasuke vanished.

'He doesn't want to see you, he doesn't like you, that's your closure dumbass,' the voice in her head said to her with pity in her voice.

The week after the confession went by so fast that she was not sure what happened. It was like her mind and body was in auto-pilot. Finals was coming that week and her mind and body just studied and slept, she didn't cry, she doesn't have the time.

The week after when she was done with school was when everything hit her. That was when she looked for a way to see him, that was when she shed her tears for him. Her emotions hit her like a truck she didn't saw coming, she didn't know that she was holding back her emotions. She didn't torture herself though, she knew better than that, she ate and slept even when its hard but she can't deny how heartbroken she was. Her parents started calling her as they haven't heard from her for a while, after hearing her mother talk to her she broke down, she let out all the tears she was holding back, she was broken. Since the school year was done, Sakura has about a month and a half of vacation, her parents suggested that she go home to their hometown.

The third week she was supposed to go home but she chose to postponed it, she was still looking for a way to see him. She wants her closure. She deserves a closure. Why did he reject her? Why did he just left? She knew that he always noticed her feeling for him but why did he chose to lead her on and then reject her. But God is busy for Sakura right now, she can't find him, she might have just filed a missing person report just to see him. She was getting better though, her tears shed now comes her anger. She is not mad at him for leading her on, she was mad at her self for expecting, she was mad at her self for jumping to conclusions after conclusions.

Now in her fourth week, she started packing her things she's going to bring back home by the end of the week. She promised to her self that by the time she's on her way home she will not bring any negative emotion with her, she is going home to rest.

"Did you start packing already forehead?" Ino called her all of the sudden. As broken as she is right now, her friend is also going through something and she is so thankful for a friend like Ino. They didn't need to see each other to know that both are going through something painful, but they will always be there for each other.

"Yes, ma'am I have,"

"Very good Ms. Straight A student. It's good that you chose to go home for awhile but I'm kind if sad that we won't be spending the vacation together,"

"Why? Are you not going home too?" Sakura ask her friend with concern, she knows Ino also needs a break from all that has been going on with her.

"I can't, I need to start my final project for next school year so I need to stay near the campus,"

"That early?!"

"Don't you remember that we need to make a couture runaway for the final year, I need to make at least five gowns!"

"Wow good luck with that Ms. Fashion Designer,"

After the call with Ino, Sakura went back to packing her things. She's bringing home the clothes that are rarely used, some books from her 1st year which is just laying around her dorm, some gifts and the things she will be needing. The last she was going to pack was the 1st year books, she got the boxes ready but when she was about to put the books one book fell from her hands and some notes fell together with other things. As she was picking up the papers, she noticed three polaroid pictures.

The first picture was a picture of her taken by Ino on their first day at the campus with 'good luck mixing some medicines Dr. Haruno!' written below. She laughed at the picture and caption. They looked so young back then, she looked so young and innocent, she even need to tell her age whenever she's introducing herself to someone because they all thought she was 15.

The second picture was her parents taken by her, it was taken during her 2nd year when she visited, that was the last time she visited home, about a year ago. She took the picture as a sign that her going home was a good choice, she needs rest.

The last picture is another picture of her but this time she was studying, 'Dr. Haruno' reads the hand written note below, it was taken by Sasuke. This was their first study session in their 3rd year. She just stared at the picture, she expects tears falling but none came, she smiled. She bittersweetly smile at the picture.

'He's love was a secret she was hoping, dreaming, dying to keep,'

The truth is, she knows that moving on was not going to do any good for her. There isn't really a thing to move on to, they're just friends, were friends, nothing more, nothing less.

"What am I going to do now Sasuke-kun huh?" she said to the picture as if she was talking to him.

"I really do love you, you know,"

"I was begging for you to take my hand basically, I was ready if you were even to break my plans, but seems like God didn't want us to be together,"

"Seems like you didn't like the thought of us being together,"

Sakura continuedly talk to the picture as she was walking towards her bed to lay down. As she lay down, she looked at the ceiling and put the picture in her chest.

"I'm going to be happy Sasuke-kun. I'm going to be happy with my friends, my family, alone- I mean if given the chance I want it to be with you but if not, I want to be happy for myself," she said while looking at the ceiling. After 10 minutes of staring blankly, she felt the urge to start packing again, now with more determination than ever.

"I'm gonna do it Sasuke-kun, I'm gonna be HAPPY! Nothing less than that remember that!" she shouts as she stands up to her bed. She rushes to the last book that was needed to be pack, put everything together, tied the box shut, and she look at her mirror, she's beautiful.

She looks for her polaroid camera in her drawers, she is sure its in there somewhere, she wants to take a picture. After she found the camera, she set it up and point it to her mirror, showing her own reflection, and she smiled, her packing her things is shown through the mirror also.

'Click'

She waits for the picture to show at the polaroid, as the picture is appearing, she felt alive again. She is seeing her own reflection, she is seeing herself, her beautiful, smart, intelligent self. She didn't write a note below yet, she is waiting for the perfect timing to do that. She cleans everything up and get ready for bed, as she closes her eyes, she knows one thing.

'Tomorrow, I'm going to be happy'

Thank you so much for reading! The next update will be the end for the Forsaken Story also I hope you enjoyed this chapter（￣︶￣）↗　

[mysingularitybts]

Glances a Jung Hoseok One-Shot

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x famous!reader

Genre: romance, 

Warnings: none 

Here I was at another big fancy event. Don't get me wrong it was an amazing opportunity and it showed how far I had come in my career. I was honored to be invited to the Variety Hitmakers Brunch, yet I detested how snotty everyone here was.

All award shows of sorts were always the same thing, people bragging about what they won. It seems they forget the reason we are here is to celebrate the music that has the power to change many people's lives. Even the dirtiest songs have the power to help a person. Music can lift people's moods, give them closure, become their relationship songs, give warmth to a romantic moment. Music is always in our lives one way or another making every moment better. It's why it's so crucial in moviemaking. It sets the mood and without it, everything would be much less anticlimactic and boring.

Back to the point at hand, it's not so much the artists who I frown upon, it's the people behind them. Managers and CEO's, they suck the life out of events treating it like a business (which it is for them). Their greedy eyes looking for the next collaboration, for the next hit. They whisper in your ears making you think it's your idea, but it's not. It's all part of their master plan to make more money, to make you do most of the work. Having barely any regard for your health or wants or needs.

I don't want to say it's like I describe all the time because it's not, but a lot of them are like that. I'm one of the lucky few who got a good team behind them. It was no easy task though I failed many times and people failed me, somehow, I managed to get through it. I had my family and friends to pick me up every time I fell and made a mistake. Eventually, I found my amazing manager Carly and she led me to my amazing record label.

It's been five years since I've been in the music industry officially. It all started when I was 16 and had a dream of becoming a successful singer. How naïve I was thinking it was just going to be me signing to my heart's content. HA! It was eventually, but first I had to learn to produce, to practice singing, and to practice dancing. I had to face failure every time my CEO said she didn't like my new song or theme. Having to start over again to come out with something that satisfied her. After finally coming out with an album I loved with all my heart and it being a success I also had to face a lot of hatred and as a 17-year-old girl, it hits you hard. Other than the hatred I also had to manage my personal life and learn to adapt to a new way of life.

It's all in the past now. I learned how to ignore the hate to my best ability. I learned to focus on the fans that loved my work. To hear them out and become even better. There were a lot of things that happened in between, but I like to think they don't matter anymore as long as I learned my lesson. Although my dream to become a singer was very different from what I imagined, I didn't regret it one bit. It led me to where I was right now receiving an award for artist of the year at the Vanity Hitmakers Brunch.

Walking around with Carly leading the way I saw a lot of my colleagues and friends. Depending on what they were doing whether that was being interviewed or simply talking amongst each other I'd wave hello or stop and talk to them. These award things could be reunions between friends since it was hard at times to meet up with everybody since we were all on tour or filming or in different parts of the globe. It was one of the reasons I still came to these events the other reason being the fans. I owed them my success so if seeing me in an award show made them happy then I would go. I would also fangirl over other artists. Can you blame me? I'm only a human that likes listening to people's music.

As I walked around, I saw Billie Eilish, an amazing artist I collaborated with a few months ago. I liked her since she also saw the truth behind this industry, we had an understanding about it and that made us bond. I could only wave since she was in a conversation with one of the organizers of the awards.

As I kept walking and looking around my eyes landed on seven gorgeous men. My jaw dropped not only because of their beauty but because of who they were. It was none other than BTS. My heart raced; I have been a fan of their music since practically the beginning. How did I not know they were going to be here? I've always wanted to meet them, but we never coincided on any past award shows because for some reason every time they went, I had something else going on. I hated myself for it.

With sweaty palms, I debated on going over to them. I mean they were probably busy talking to somebody else yet nobody was approaching them. They even seem bored. Why was that? They were an amazing band that everybody wanted to collaborate with or be seen with. It just didn't make sense. Maybe it was the language barrier? It could be since not many American artists knew Korean.

With that thought in mind, I hung my head in defeat since I didn't know Korean either. Disappointed I turned around to leave when I almost slapped myself across the face in realization. One of them knows English surely with his help you could get the point across that you were a huge fan and not only that, but this dumb bitch also knows Korean.

How could I forget I know a whole other language is beyond me, but it happened. Thank you Nari for teaching me. Nari is my best friend we have known each other since preschool and are still very close. Her parents moved to the United States from Korea when she was still just a baby.

While I was in school my parents often were not around much so the Seong family took care of me until they got off work. Thus, I learned the Korean language and a bit of its culture. Plus, I gained a whole other family who I love very much.

Shaking my thoughts away I began walking over to them. My hands trembling in excitement, my inner fangirl begging to come out. I kept her locked up though because I did not want to make a fool out of myself. As I got closer, I saw Jimin look my way from his spot on one of the sofas that were around the tents.

When I got to where they were, they all stopped talking between themselves and looked up at me. Eyes wide not knowing what to expect.

With a gulp, I bowed and with a trembling voice said in Korean, "Hello, my name is y/n and I am a huge fan of your work." I crossed my fingers hoping my Korean didn't fail me.

With anxiousness, I waited for their response. Suddenly it vanished as Jungkook smiled up at me, stood up and shook my hand.

"Hello y/n, I'm Jeon Jungkook I'm glad you enjoy our work." He said smiling brightly at me.

I almost fainted seeing as 1/7 of BTS was standing in front of me shaking my hand. I was never going to wash my hand again. Gathering my wits, I kept on smiling as the introductions kept going around.

Once all introductions were done, which I think weren't necessary, they made a space for me to sit with them.

"I got to say I didn't expect anybody here to speak our language," Yoongi said from his seat as he looked at me.

"Oh, I only know because of my best friend. She's also Korean and taught me everything I know," I explained, "If I say anything wrong, blame her," I finished joking.

"No, you are doing very well, your friend did a good job," Hoseok said from his spot beside me.

"I have to say I am also a big fan of your music," he then said abashedly.

"Really?!" I said surprised not expecting them to know much about my music.

"Yeah, he has followed your music for about two years now," Taehyung exclaimed as he shot Hoseok a teasing smile.

"He even has a collection of your albums," Jin blurted out trying to get the point across.

"Yah, stop it you are embarrassing me," Hoseok told them, trying to play it cool and hide his blushing face.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about. It makes me so happy that you enjoy my music!" I honestly said holding my hands close to my heart.

It was one thing to meet your idols but for them to also know your music is another level. I felt proud of myself since I looked up to them and their work.

We sat in the middle of the tent talking to our heart's content for a while. I was glad I had the guts to talk to them seeing as they no longer looked so serious or bored. I guess they were just a little lonely and wanted some company. Talking to them felt easy. I thought it would be a bit more awkward, but I was proven wrong. They knew how to hold a conversation. We talked about everything from their upcoming music to my music, to the places we've traveled, and about the awards in itself. There was never a boring moment; they made everything entertaining or interesting.

It was when we were laughing loudly about something Jimin said that my manager came to tell me it was time to go find our seats since the ceremony would begin shortly. With a disappointed sigh, I went to stand up and say goodbye to BTS.

"Well, guys I guess this is goodbye," I started saying sadly, "It was great meeting you, I hope I get to see you again."

"I hope so too," Taehyung said enthusiastically, "I had a lot of fun talking to you."

I looked at them as I bid my farewells. When I got to Hoseok he looked as if he wanted to tell me something but couldn't bring himself to.  Yoongi, noticing his reaction, took matters into his own hands.

"Hey y/n, how about we take a picture to remember this day?" he asked, offering a smile.

"Let's do it!" I responded.

They all stood up and got into position. It was Jungkook, Jimin, Taehyung, Namjoon, me, Hoseok, Yoongi, and Jin. I felt as Namjoon wrapped an arm around my shoulders and Hoseok partially wrapped his arm around my waist not quite touching me. Something strange happened to me as I felt very aware of his body heat, touch, and the smell of his cologne.

Once the pictures were taken, I felt disappointed as he stepped away from me. Disregarding those thoughts, I shook my head and bid them goodbye once again. I couldn't believe I had met BTS wait until I told Nari. She is going to freak out and ask me all kinds of questions. I would be able to fangirl with her, but until then I'd have to hold it in.

The awards went, as usual, I cheered on my fellow friends and colleagues, yet I cheered a little louder for my new friends BTS, they truly deserved the award. As someone who has seen them from the beginning, I could say they worked very hard to get to where they are now and had been through some tough times. Not only did they manage to become successful in Korea, but they also paved the way for many Korean artists to get recognized in the United States.

Once the awards ended and all the photoshoots and speeches were done, I found myself walking to the back entrance of the building to get to the SUV waiting for me. My feet were killing me making my back hurt, the makeup on my face felt uncomfortable, and not to mention the dress I was wearing got scratchier the more I had it on.

Deep into my thoughts, I didn't hear a voice calling out to me until Carly nudged her elbow into my side. I looked at her questioningly and she pointed over to the man walking over to me his dimpled smile being a welcoming sight.

"Oh, sorry Namjoon I didn't hear you, what's up?" I spoke as I stopped walking waiting for him to catch up.

"Don't worry, it happens to all of us, I wanted to ask if you were going to the after-party?" he asked as he tilted his head in question. It was a cute sight not going to lie.

"No, I'm not a big fan of after-parties they get too wild," I explained.

"In that case, would you like to meet up with us in a few hours after we get out of here?" he eagerly asked "We are not big fans either of American after-parties. They get awkward for us because of the language barrier," he finished saying.

"I understand," I told him reassuringly, "Count me in."

"We'll stay at our hotel and celebrate there. I'll send you the address," he stated, giving me a smile, his eyes closing at the same time.

"I'll see you there!"

"One more thing!" He exclaimed, "Come in comfortable clothes it'll just be us hanging out, no need for fancy clothing," he then finished explaining seeing my confused face.

"Even better, this dress has been getting more uncomfortable the more I wear it," I said relieved that I wouldn't have to dress up again.

It was fun dressing up, but it got uncomfortable quickly.

"See you later?" Namjoon asked one more time as he started walking away.

"Definitely," I replied as I waved him goodbye.

As soon as I got to my apartment, I took a quick shower and changed into a pair of high waisted leggings and a cropped hoodie. I didn't do much with my makeup, just applied some tinted moisturizer, did my eyebrows, applied some mascara, and some lip balm. Trust me compared to what I was wearing earlier this was nothing. As I got ready Namjoon sent me a text with the address of the hotel and what time I should get there. Luckily the hotel wasn't that far, and I had about an hour to spare. So, I did the only reasonable thing. I took a nap. After my nap, I realized it was time to go.

When I arrived at the hotel, I quickly made my way up to the room Namjoon told me about. As I got closer to the door, I heard a lot of loud voices, yup, I was definitely in the right place.

I knocked on the door and waited for somebody to open it. I didn't have to wait long when Hoseok confusedly opened the door.

"Y/n?" he asked surprised.

"Yeah? Hi Hoseok," I greeted smiling up at him.

"I didn't know you were coming," he confessed, still looking confused.

"Oh, I invited her," Namjoon began saying, "I guess I forgot to tell you, Sorry Hobi."

"Yah Hoseok let her in already," Jin yelled from his place on the sofa.

Hurriedly Hoseok got out of the way and gestured me in. I walked inside and noticed they were all dressed comfortably too in Jeans and their signature Hoodies. As I looked around somebody ran up to me and engulfed me in a hug. When they stepped back, I realized it was Taehyung.

"Hi, Taehyung!" I greeted him.

"Y/n I'm so glad you're here!" he said excitedly, "I was getting bored with these people around." He then said seriously.

I started laughing when I heard a hurt "Hey!" from Jimin.

Unbeknownst to me, Taehyung was sending Hoseok a teasing smile as he glared at him not liking the proximity between us.

"What were you guys up to?" I asked curiously.

"Nothing much we were going to start a live soon," Jungkook answers as he set up a tripod in front of the sofa.

"Oh! In that case let me know so I can scooch over a corner while you talk to army," I told them kindly.

"Nonsense you get to be with us in the live," Jimin said from his place on the dining table the hotel offered.

"Are you sure?" I questioned with uncertainty, "I know you guys don't usually have guests in your lives."

BTS usually didn't do lives with other people. They did them mainly amongst themselves. I didn't know how army would take it if they had somebody else with them, especially a girl. They would certainly have something to say about it.

"We're sure. Don't worry, it'll be fun!" Hoseok said from behind me as he patted my shoulder.

As soon as the setup was done we all gathered around the sofa. Jungkook, Jimin, Namjoon, Jin, and Yoongi sat on the L shaped sofa while Taehyung, Hoseok, and I sat on the floor leaving me in between them.

Surprisingly the live went very smoothly and it was a lot of fun. I didn't see many hate comments just questioning ones as to why I was there. The guys introduced me as their new friend and as we went along the live there were opportunities for me to get to know them a bit better.

While I sat there, I felt as Hoseok's leg pressed against mine, making me feel flustered. Warmth spread through me the more the live went on. At some point he whispered something in my ear in a low voice that made me lose focus on what was happening around me. He was doing things to me I couldn't explain. I wonder if he also felt the same things I did. Towards the end of the live I couldn't focus anymore. The strange thing was that Taehyungs leg was also very close to mine and he even had his arm around me for some time, yet that did not bother me in any way.

When the live ended my thoughts were interrupted by Jimin giving out a yell as he opened a bottle of champagne. Deciding not to think of my bodies reaction to the rapper beside me I shook my head and accepted the glass Namjoon offered me.

I was glad I came to what I now call the BTS afterparty. The guys were amazing and came up with the weirdest games.

Throughout the night I couldn't help but sneak glances at Hoseok. My eyes always wondered to him without my consent and whenever he spoke my attention would instantly be on him. At one point when I turned to look at him, he was already staring at me very intensely. I tried to hold eye contact, his eyes were very dark and alluring causing me to get lost in them, feeling as if I had fallen into a dark abyss. There was so much emotion in his gaze, I got overwhelmed and looked away. I felt as a blush crept up my cheeks and as I looked back up again, he gave me a smirk.

Wasn't Hoseok supposed to be the sunshine of the group? This wasn't sunshine, sure it was fiery but it was also sinful and flirty and dark.

After a while and I decided I had enough to drink so I got up to leave. I wasn't drunk or tipsy but if I kept drinking, I would get there. I bid my farewells promising to see them again soon and left the room. As the doors to the elevator started to close a hand stopped them and a man came in.

Looking up at him I confusedly asked, "Hoseok?"

"Y/n wait," he said rushed.

"What is it?" I asked nervously.

It was only the two of us in the elevator and as I recalled all the glances and grins he gave me back in the room, I started growing nervous. I stuck my hands in the front pocket of my hoodie to try and hide their trembling.

He got very close to me, our chests almost touching. He leaned his face down towards mine. I felt his hands graze my cheeks with his breath mixing with mine. He got closer, his lips brushing on mine until he pulled away. I hadn't realized I had closed my eyes but as he grew the distance between us, I opened them in confusion, disappointment reflecting in them. I was breathless even though the kiss didn't happen and as I looked at him, he was the same way.

Hoseok still had his hands on my face and I felt as he grazed his thumb on my lips. For some reason, he also had a disappointed look on his face. I wonder why, he could have kissed me if he wanted, plus,  he was the one in control of the whole situation. He could have done anything and I wouldn't have protested.

"Let me take you out on a date first," he said, answering my silent question.

I could only nod but that was not enough for him.

He got closer again but this time it was to whisper in my ear, "I need to hear you say it."

His voice was low and raspy. I couldn't stop the goosebumps from arising on my skin.

"Y-Yes, I'd, um, love to go on a date with you," I felt like a schoolgirl as I stuttered.

I jumped as I felt the elevator ding signaling it had arrived at its destination. Somehow without me noticing he had stepped away taking his warmth with him and leaving me cold.

"I'll see you soon for our date, y/n," he then said cheerfully, his attitude changing completely from before.

"Bye Hoseok," I said perplexed at the sudden change.

I walked away from the elevator but turned to look back. There he was staring at me again as the door closed and just before they did, he sent me a wink as a seductive smile made its way to his lips.

A/N: I don't think I've ever written anything like this. So, if you guys enjoyed it please let me know and make sure to like and reblog to show your support.

Im still shocked at what I wrote. It honestly started as an innocent idea but towards the end something like happened. It's not smutty but like I tried to write a tension between them.

Did you feel it? Did it need more?

Please let me know!

See you guys later ;) 💜 x

-Nikki Marie

[rainbowwritesthings]

A Place On Earth

Yanking the door open with Butchers name on his lips, he came face to face with MM and Butcher standing a bit of a way behind him. The events that lead to that point crashed into him and his heart became deafening in his ears, he could feel the knife buried into his ribs but couldn’t feel the object no matter how much he grasped at it. 

Second chapter of I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight.

Hughie stared blankly at the ceiling, blinking at the shocking white that surrounded him, everything felt numb and he was brought back to when he had gotten his wisdom teeth removed years ago.

Awareness took its time visiting Hughie and when it granted him enough presence he sat up with a grunt, his chest felt oddly tight for some reason and when his hand brushed a certain area he shivered.

Some deep part of his lizard brain was screaming at him that something was wrong, that he needed to get up and leave now. Hughie had successfully gotten out of the bed when he noticed his attire, plaid pajama pants and an oversized shirt that he had never seen before.

The numbness was receding and with it Hughie realized he wasn’t in his apartment, he was in one of the safehouses. Yanking the door open with Butchers name on his lips, he came face to face with MM and Butcher standing a bit of a way behind him.

The events that lead to that point crashed into him and his heart became deafening in his ears, he could feel the knife buried into his ribs but couldn’t feel the object no matter how much he grasped at it.

Hughie couldn’t breathe again; his lungs were filled with blood and it caked his throat as thoroughly as tar. A hand suddenly grabbed his shoulder and Hughie fought it back with a strangled shout, loud buzzing was just barely audible over his heart.

Instead of Soldier Boy a very blurry but familiar face swam into his view, blinking hard and rubbing at his eyes Hughie was better able to see the man kneeling before him. The familiar rumble and what it was saying was lost to Hughie, as was the expression the man wore. Hughie forced air into his burning lungs.

“I- didn’t.”

It was too hard to breathe, he was drowning again, the bones from his shattered ribs were pressing into his only good lung. “I didn’t know. Swear to god I didn’t-.”

The way Butcher had looked at him with horror filled his mind and spots danced around his vision, from his shaky gaze he watched Butcher rise and walk off.

Fuck, was the man going to bring out his crowbar to see what he could come back from?

MM was suddenly kneeling before him; both his hands were held up and his posture was purposefully non-threatening. His lips moved continuously, and Hughie found himself trying to focus on them. When MM saw the spark of awareness, he tried to help the man out.

“It’s ok now, just breathe. In and out. Ain’t nothing going to happen to you while I’m here. Easy Hughie, in and out.”

He began taking exaggerated breaths and Hughie tried to match them with unsuccess, time disappeared and was filled with Hughie taking in shuttering breaths to match MM’s exaggerated ones with occasional praises from the medic about how Hughie was doing.

Finally oxygen was reaching it’s necessary locations in his body and Hughie realized he was sitting on the floor. He glanced around the room wide eyed, searching for something but even Hughie didn’t know what he was looking for.

MM had lowered his hands and gave the man a small smile, “there we go. Now, I’m going to grab you some water ok?”

Hughie gave a jerky nod and as MM rose to retrieve said water, he wondered where the rest were. Though he mainly wondered were Butcher had stalked off to after his brief appearance. MM made sure he was noticed before he crouched in front of him, every move was steady and easy for the shaken man to be able to track.

When he held out the water bottle Hughie thanked him, though he knew that his words were likely to jumbled for the other to understand when even he, the man speaking couldn’t understand what words escaped his lips.

It wasn’t until Hughie was reaching out to grab the bottle that he realized how badly his hand was shaking and he needed both hands to even grip the plastic. He took two sips under MM’s watchful eye before setting it down now to him, most likely making sure the man didn’t drown while trying to drink.

Hughie had calmed down from his earlier moment of panic, but now fear had replaced the panic that consumed him.

“What- “

He cleared his throat in hopes that the other words he had to say would come out less cracked.

“What’s the plan?”

MM rose an eyebrow at the question and Hughie wished he would just rip the band-aid off and tell him already. Explain to him how they were going to finish him and what they would do with the pieces, logically Hughie knew his true corpse would most likely resemble Translucants’s remains.

“So far the plan is to stay low, figure some things out before putting together a real plan on how to take care of SB.”

Despite MM not saying the full name, Hughie still flinched and saw those hazel eyes staring absolutely bored over his whole existence. MM didn’t say anything but was watching Hughie intently after discussing the groups plan of action, no matter how flimsy it currently sounded.

“No, I mean- What’s the plan for me? How are you going to-“

Hughie couldn’t finish the question. The words got trapped in his throat, stuck around the thick blood that was creeping ever forward. His chest felt tight once again.

MM wasn’t looking at him now but when he did look at Hughie his eyes displayed his inner distress, “Hughie man, we ain’t going to kill you.”

Hughie felt a sudden burst of hysteria.

“Don’t lie to try and protect my feelings MM. I fucking died alright?! Yet here I am! I’m a godamn Supe and who the fuck knows what powers I have. You, Frenchie and Kimiko may learn to be ok with that but Butcher-. He stared at me like I was a monster and I’m with him on that one.”

MM’s face morphed into a scowl, he obviously wanted to fight everything Hughie had said but instead he bit his tongue, and he shook his head.

“Almost everything you just said was bullshit man, and you need to listen close when I say that no matter what you can do it’ll never make you a monster.”

Hughie believed that MM believed his own words, but that didn’t change the fact he was a Supe in a relationship with a man who hated Supes more than anything. Personally he would rather everything that was going to happen, happen now rather than waiting for months for the other shoe to drop.

When it did Hughie doubted there’d be much left of him anywhere- and oh god his father.

“Ok, ok. Look MM you need to promise me something.”

The man gave him a long look before sighing, “I won’t promise anything ‘till I hear what it is. I learned my lesson a long time ago with Butcher.”

Hughie nodded and took a steading breath before he went forward.

“Look when I die for real and permanently, however that works. You have to give my dad an actual body to bury. I don’t care if Frenchie fixes up a mannequin, he won’t look that close once he thinks it’s me, but he needs a place to actually mourn at. I don’t- he can’t spend the rest of his life waiting for me to come home, he doesn’t deserve that.”

Somewhere in Hughie’s youth he developed an intense fear of going missing, not just because of what it meant for Hughie and the whole human trafficking thing. Mainly the fear surrounded what effect it would have on his father.

Hughie’s mother walking out the door and dissolving into the mist had crushed a large part of the man’s soul. If his son were to do the same, it would destroy whatever was left of Hugh.

MM looked at him with a hard expression before he let out a sigh and rubbed the back of his head.

“Yeah, I promise.”

Hughie let out a breath of relief, at least his father would find some semblance of peace though he knew it wouldn’t ease the pain. MM was staring at him again and Hughie gave him a weak smile, which caused the man to shake his head and stand up.

“I don’t know what’s goin’ on inside that head of yours, but I can tell you it’s way off.”

Hughie let out a small huff of laughter, and MM looked down with an odd expression.

“Now first of all, don’t panic. Butcher has something he wants to say to you. We’ll all be in the other room just in case things go south, but you should hear him out.”

Instantly Hughie’s heart picked up, thrumming adrenaline throughout his body by the mere idea of the man glowering down at him. However, MM looked so assured that everything would be alright that Hughie could only nod numbly.

He already had the man’s assurance that his father would have proper closure, Hughie couldn’t very well demand more from the group after unintentionally fooling them for however long he had compound V running through his veins.

MM leaned down to clasp Hughie’s shoulder and giving a reassuring squeeze, before nodding one last time and leaving the room.

Hughie stared at the suspiciously stained floor underneath of him, looking for answers about what he was or even just a purpose for all that he had been through meant. He heard a door open, heavy footstep pausing just briefly in the doorframe before the door creaked shut.

For many people being so close to an inevitable demise would act as a chance to confirm their faith or find a new. Any other person would be considering their fate, trying to make amends with everything that they had done wrong and begging for forgiveness.

Yet all Hughie could think of was memories his mother’s smile as she prompted a dance to a Billy Joel song. His father who had been through agony but still tried to stay approachable for his son, and who tried to maintain a bond with Hughie.

Robin who made him feel alive and like a human for the first time in his life, who cracked his shell wide open and let him experience how fun everything could be. Kimiko who was often so closed off but still learned ASL with him, she figured it long before he did but took the time to help him along so they could talk freely.

Frenchie would always call him petite and smile like he was legitimately happy to see him every time the pair met up. It didn’t matter if it had been days since Hughie saw him or just hours, the man always seemed excited to see him alive.

Mother’s Milk was a mother hen, always pestering Hughie about how much he was eating or sleeping, all with concern hidden firmly under a strong exterior.

Annie, who he now considered his closest and best friend. She would be the angriest towards Butcher when the man figured out how to kill a Lazarus Supe, with any luck they wouldn’t kill each other in the fallout of the reveal.

Finally Billy, who hated Supes as if it was the only thing keeping him alive. Perhaps it was the thing keeping him alive, allowing him to survive things that no mortal could have lived through.

Hughie could remember Billy’s arms around him, pulling him firmly against his body whether it was when they were wrapped together post cotial, or in the early morning when Butcher woke up long before he did and held the younger man tightly.

He could hear Billy whispering in his ear how the man would keep Hughie safe, no matter the cost. Finally, he could see Billy staring down at him with a look of pure despair as he watched Hughie bleed out.

Hughie knew that the despair was driven out of his apparent death and that considering what he was now that he would be lucky beyond belief if Butcher would even look at him without animosity.

His gaze kept firmly onto the floor until dark clothed legs stepped in front of him, familiar boots filled his vision and despite his best-efforts Hughie’s breath still caught in his chest. Hughie watched as dark legs bent and Butcher was kneeling in front of him, but kept his eyes away from the older mans face.

It wasn’t until Butcher let out a breath that could be mistaken for a sigh that Hughie braved a look at the other man. Butchers face was tight, every stress line was exasperated, and his lips were pulled together.

Butcher’s jaw worked for a long few moments before he looked back up, “alright lad just hear me out.”

[harrystyleswatermelon-sugar]

You´re still the one

„I am sorry, Y/N. I really am…I don’t know what to do anymore” Harry says and looks with sad green eyes in my direction. I can´t believe he is really breaking up with me.

“Just because you are at a loss, you don’t have to throw away a relationship. Our relationship. I love you Harry. I don’t want to lose you” I say and try really hard to hold back my tears. He sighs very deep and puts his hands in front of his face. He looks miserable and I don’t know why he thinks there is no hope for us.

“Look, I don’t get it. Yesterday everything was fine and today you are coming home from your meeting and suddenly want to break up with me? I am so confused, what the hell happened?” I ask and sob quietly. I thought we were happy, it seemed like he was happy.

“I don’t know, if this is what I want in life. There is so much more and I am so sorry, to hurt you like that. You deserve so much more, than I can give you” he answers and avoids looking at me. Something seems so off.

“Harry, what the fuck are you talking about? I just need you and I am happy with you, aren’t you happy with me?” I am desperate to change his mind, but I simply can´t get through to him, as it seems.

“I don’t know anymore. I just need you to leave. Please…don’t make it any harder…for both of us” he says quietly and I look at his face. The face I love so much. The man, who owns my heart and my soul. I love this man with all my heart and I don’t know if I can take a breakup. We were talking about moving in together as our relationship was getting stronger and stronger. And now this happens. Absolutely unexpected. I feel the tears running down my cheeks and before I start sobbing like a baby, I decide to fulfil his request and leave.

After I called my best friend Y/BF/N I begin putting my stuff together and soon I have everything. It is not too much, because he just came back from tour and I literally arrived two days ago.

“So, this is it, then? You sure?” I ask him and look at his face. His eyes look puffy and red, but I know he did not cry. Maybe he is right before his breaking point, I don’t know. I, on the other hand, definitely am over my breaking point.

“I…Y-Yes, Y/N. It is for our best” he answers and I try one last time, to look him in the eyes, but he still avoids me. I am getting angry and before I say something, I later regret, I take my bag and leave.

This was four months ago and until today, I haven’t heard from Harry. I see his face regularly on some newspapers, mostly with some model at his side. I don’t know if he is happy, but I know that I am not. I am still shocked that he threw our nearly one-year relationship away. I heard from Niall, right after the breakup and here and there he still checks in with me, to see if am doing okay. He just told me on the phone, that Harry is planning on changing his management, the restrictions his current management has are just too much. I didn’t know it was so bad, Harry never talked with me about his work relationships.

“How is he anyways? I always see him with some models on covers, is he doing okay?” I finally ask, we usually try to not touch the topic Harry.

“He is miserable, Y/N. He still misses you so much, don’t believe a word the yellow press is printing” Niall says and my heart jumps. He misses me.

“Why did he break up, then? I mean… the whole conversation seemed so off,” I overthink loudly and I hear Niall laughing into my ear.

“I think it was management, honestly” I can´t believe this really could be the reason. He wouldn’t choose his management over me, wouldn’t he? As soon, as we end our call, I send Y/BF/N a voice memo to tell her what Niall just told me.

Two weeks later I am on my way home in the tube, with headphones on, as my phone announces a new message. I stare at the display. This is a joke. I have waited for so long and now, as I am not thinking of him for once, he texts me.

Hey, Y/N. You´re probably very angry at me, but I need to talk to you. It is rather important; I owe you an apology. Love, H.

What the hell? I hesitate to answer him but when I exit the tube station I know, what I am going to write him. I buy my regular iced coffee and walk down the park. I sit on my favourite bench and take my phone out.

I don’t know what this would change, but if you need some closure…sure, why not. Saturday 2pm, where?

He answers nearly a second later:

Please come to my house, if that is okay. You know, the fans…

I agree and walk home, thinking about this super weird conversation, which is going to take place on Saturday.

Saturday

I am fucking nervous. I am so nervous; my hands are shaking as I know stand in front of Harrys gate. This is insane. Y/BF/N brought me here and she is waiting right around the corner, to take me home, if it goes wrong. If Harry and I are getting into an argument and I want to leave.

My heart is racing and I hope I look decent, to face him. Y/BF/N said I look pretty and not at all desperate to get him back. Because I am. I want my Harry back.

Harry lets me in and as I walk through the small front yard, I can already see him at his front door. He smiles and I can see, that he is in a much better place than when he broke up with me.

“Hi Harry” I say and reject his attempt to hug me. I don’t want to get near him, because if I do, the hope will get back to me. I don’t want it to come back and break my heart once again, if he really just wants to talk it through.

“Hey, Y/N” he answers huskily and leads me into the house I used to have a key to.

We sit down at his dining table and he offers me some water. As he finally sits down next to me, I try to not look too often at him, but I can´t help it. I´ve missed him so much that I just want to hug and squeeze him, bury my face into his chest and breathe in his heavenly scent. He clears his throat and looks at me. Green meets Y/EC.

“I want to apologize; I was such a dick to you. I am really sorry, Y/N. This whole situation was so fucked up and I just broke under all the pressure…management made me do it. I didn’t want to break up with you, but they thought it was for the best. My fans would be more affectionate and all, the said if I don’t get rid of you, they were going to tell the press I cheated on you…I didn’t want that, so I gave in and made the biggest mistake in my life” he sighs and explains without looking away.

“Yeah, I thought about something like that after Niall told me, you changed your management” I answer and he rises an eyebrow.

“Niall? You two are close?” he asks and I see jealousy in his eyes.

“Not really, he kept in touch with me occasionally. Why haven’t you talked to me? I mean…we could have gotten through this” I reply and hear the sadness in my voice.

“You broke my heart, Harry” I add and feel the familiar tingle in my eyes.

“I know and I am so sorry, I don’t know why I did it without talking to you. It was so stupid, please forgive me. I was an idiot” he practically begs me and as his hand touches mine, I look at him. His eyes are sparkling from tears, but he isn’t yet crying.

“It´s okay Harry…I´m over it. You were protecting me in some way and I get it, I am not mad” I answer and he squeezes my hand lightly. His lips curl into one of his beautiful smiles and I can see those cute dimples.

“Are you…over us also? Over me?” his voice is full of hope and I can see, that he is really scared of my answer. How could I ever be over Harry? I mean, he didn’t meant to harm me or hurt me at all.

“How could I, Harry? How could I possibly be over you?” I ask back and see, how he bites his bottom lip.

“So…if I ask you to come back to me and be with me…you would? You don’t need to be concerned, my new management is really supportive and I talked to them and they literally said, that I could do whatever I want as long as I fulfil the contract” he sounds excited and very happy. I entwine our fingers and smile at him.

“And is in your contract anything about girlfriends?”

“Nothing” he assures me and comes closer. “I really want to kiss you right now…am I allowed to?” he adds quietly and I nod, as he moves even closer.

Finally, as his lips touch mine, I sigh in relief. I missed this so much, I missed Harry. I pull him close and he grabs my hips. I am pulled onto his lap and smile against his soft lips. This went way better, than expected.

“I love you so much and I missed you even more” he whispers in my ear, as we hug tightly.

“I love you more” I answer and kiss the little spot right below his ear.

Six months later

Our relationship is better than ever before, I flew in to New York to see Harry perform at Madison Square Garden, which he is so excited for.

“I can´t wait. This is so huge, this is insane” he rambles over and over and I smile at him in the mirror. He gets his hair and Make-Up done and I look over to Kacey. She wears a beautiful rainbow coloured dress and looks fantastic.

“You will be amazing, Harry. I know it, you always are” I assure him and kiss his cheek softly. His bright smile shows all the happiness, he has inside of him. He is just awesome; he loves to tour and he is so happy that his fans are absolutely crazy about him.

“Show starts in 5” someone shouts and Kacey gets up.

“See you later, bye Y/N” she says, smiles at me and winks. What was that for? Harry and I stay back all alone in his dressing room. He wears a blues suit with a dragon pattern on it, he just looks amazing.

“Excited to see the show?” he asks me and I nod. Absolutely.

“I am so happy to be here and see you playing your first MSG show. I am so proud of you, I love you” I answer and he smiles, pulls me closer and wraps his arms around my waist.

“I was thinking about going public? What´d say?” he sounds a bit nervous but I laugh quietly.

“We have been all over the news already, I think everybody know we are an item anyways” it happened, when he got back during a tour break. I picked him up from the airport and some fans got us kissing and hugging at the car.

“Yeah, but I want to announce it official. Would that be alright with you?”

“Of course, Harry. I mean…I will move in with you, as soon as your tour ends, we will be living together. Then there is no more hiding” I smile at him and peck his lips, as someone knocks on the door.

“Your turn in 5 minutes, Harry” an assistant says and Harry thanks him.

“See you after the show, love. Enjoy it, it will be very special just for you” he winks at me and I am even more confused, because Kacey winked at me too.

I kiss him goodbye and take my seat with some other friends of him. The show starts and as his fans go wild, I smile. He is so loved and he loves them, it´s so cute and pure.

The show is phenomenal, Harry has the time of his life and I enjoy every second of it. He jokes with the fans, mocks and mimics them and then he ends his final song.

Surely there will be an encore and soon after, he comes back and calls Kacey onto the stage. They look so good together, its ridiculous. I feel a slight pinch of jealousy creeping up in my heart, but I fight it. I trust Harry, he loves me.

“So, this is my last song for tonight, thank you all for coming. There is a someone special in the audience tonight, my long-time girlfriend. Y/N this is for you, I love you” he says and looks up to us. I turn bright red and see him blowing a kiss in my direction.

He then starts playing and singing You´re still the one by Shania Twain and soon the tears are pouring out of my eyes. This song fits so perfectly to our relationship and our story and it is so romantic and beautiful. He sings his heart out, really.

Backstage, after I tried to fix my face, I find him and jump into his arms.

“You are crazy, Harry. This was the most beautiful song ever” I say into his ear and hug him so tight, that I am amazed, he is still able to breathe.

“I´m glad you liked it. I love you, Y/N. I will never ever leave you again, you make me complete” he says and kisses my cheek.

“Did you cry? Tastes a bit salty” he laughs and I blush lightly.

“Maybe a bit” I lie into his face; it is just too embarrassing.

“Actually, she sobbed. There are videos on twitter and you both are trending topic” Jeff answers and I smile at him. I really like his new manager; he is very relaxed and supportive.

“Positive or negative comments?” Harry asks and puts me back on my feet. I put my arms around his sweaty body and he holds me close.

“Mostly positive, really. They like you, Y/N. Congrats, you guys are now official. Good feeling?” Jeff asks and puts his phone away. Harry looks at me with loving eyes.

“Very good” he answers smiling and I press a kiss on his cheek.

Thanks for reading, guys. I hope you liked it. I was asking myself, if you would like something fluffy or smutty? Would definitely be a challenge for me. Let me know.

Have a good start into the week,

Love, xx