#am i crazy. theres nothing there am i missing something

[criticalrolo]

folks i have put in the legwork to try to understand the jgy apologist side of the fandom since that seems to be So Many People... I thought that maybe the tv show elevated his crimes to make it a more black and white villain situation but then I read what he does in the novels and it is WAY WORSE... i literally feel like it's 2012 and people are writing loki-style apologism for "his childhood was very sad (extremely true it was horrible) and that's why the crimes are okay (the crimes are so so many murders and SA because his feelings and desires are more important than People's Lives)"

[arlowthenacho]

that funny feeling

(carmen berzatto x reader)

summary: you thought carmen berzatto was just a hookup. a fuck-buddy. key word, you thought.

warnings: cursing, allusions to sex but not really? its only mentioned a couple times. no smut, intended lowercase, if theres anything i missed plz let me know !!

wc: 1.1k

a/n: arlow thought about carmen spoon feeding them and made it angsty lol. this is rlly short but fret not !! i think this is gonna be a 2 parter, possibly 3 parter? idk, but i think its gonna be a series lol. anyway, enjoy my lovelies !! 🫶🤍

it started as a one time thing. a one-night-stand. a meaningless hookup. something that would and could only happen once.

until it happened again. and again, and again.

because carmen berzatto was a drug, and you were addicted to him. you craved him like lungs crave oxygen, but you weren’t sure that the feeling was reciprocated.

because if carmen berzatto was a book, he’d be written in code. scrawled in a language you didn’t understand, in writing to confusing to decipher. because carmen berzatto was nothing if not confusing.

a sudden vibration on your nightstand pulls you from your thoughts as you swipe open the screen. a text from carmen. shit.

carmy 🧑‍🍳

you up?

fuck. shit, shit, shit.

you quickly sit up and type back a response.

yeah.

you hold down the backspace button. too simple.

i wasn’t until you woke me up

pop. too accusatory.

i am now. whats up?

good enough.

you click send and set your phone back down on your bed, waiting for a response.

bzz.

the reply was almost instant. maybe that scared you a little bit.

your finger hovers over the screen, debating whether to open the text now, or just forget about it until the morning.

the former won.

carmy 🧑‍🍳

can you come over?

oh. oh.

you don’t know why you expected anything different. it’s not like you were dating him. even though you wish you were. in his eyes, you were just a casual hookup who he occasionally called for something not relating to sex.

you heave a sigh and shift your eyes back over to the phone in your hands.

yeah, ok.

sent.

you don’t really care if it sounds passive aggressive, or angry, or disappointed or whatever else it could sound like to him. to be quite honest, you just want to get this over with.

you quickly change out of your pajamas into something more presentable. a white sweater, blue jeans, throw in some lacy undergarments and you’re heading out the door and into your car.

you turn on the ignition and start the short drive to carmy’s apartment. you have his address memorized, (which you will deny is creepy until your dying day) so you don’t need to use a gps.

you turn on some music and try to distract your racing thoughts. its not like this is the first time you’re meeting him. no, far from it. but you don’t think your brain has processed that yet, because your heart is pounding and fluttering like a bird caged within your chest.

you finally make it to his apartment after what feels like an hour, and you’re standing—quite awkwardly—at carmen’s door, your fist hovering over the wood hesitantly.

after a full minute of standing at the door with your arm raised, you decide to bite the bullet and knock on the damn door.

so you do.

and he answers instantly. like a fucking gentleman.

his hair is tousled, and he runs a hand through it nervously. his eyes somehow look even more blue in the shitty light the hallway of his building provides, and it’s driving you crazy.

he is gorgeous. he is perfect. he’s all the synonyms for beautiful you can cram into one human being.

“hi,”

carmen’s voice is deep and gravelly, still thick with sleep even though he’s probably been awake for some time now.

“hey,”

a beat passes.

“can i-?”

he jolts up from the doorway he was leaning on.

“oh, yeah. shit—yeah, come in. sorry.”

an apron is tied around his waist, a gray sweater fitting loosely around his frame. it makes his eyes appear bright, like gleaming pools of sapphire that you want to spend every pretty penny on.

nonetheless, you smile politely and step into his apartment.

no matter how many times you’ve been here, the first thing you notice is always his bookshelves. more so, the books. cookbooks, magazines, culinary textbooks and newspaper articles litter his floor and decorate his walls.

the second thing you always notice is his ever-growing collection of denim. jeans and jackets make up most of his wardrobe, and are crammed into whatever space he could find.

after looking around his small apartment, a smell hits your nose.

its…pasta?

no, that can’t be it. you were just here to fuck, right? the food was probably for someone else. for work, or somebody he wanted a real relationship with. not you.

the thought left a bitter taste in your mouth.

you sigh, disappointment crashing into your heart like waves against rocks for the second time tonight.

despite that, you’re the first to break the silence.

“aren’t we going to your room?” you cringe at the tone of your voice. it sounded exactly how you felt. disappointed, hurt, maybe a little bitter.

“what? sorry, couldn’t hear you.” carmen leans down to you to hear better, his breath a faint whisper against your skin. your breath hitches.

“aren’t we going to your room?” you repeat, a tad louder than before.

“oh. no, no, no. no, that not—that isn’t—” carmen seems to be at a loss for words, and he feels like a total dick.

“we aren’t?” you’re confused, but hide it well. you raise a brow pointedly. “then why’d you ask me to come over?” for the first time in a couple of minutes, you notice where you followed him.

“i—just,” he searches around for something.

a spoon, full of some kind of red sauce. he cups his hand under the utensil to catch anything that drips, and urges you to come closer.

you’re in his kitchen. his safe space. his fucking sacred space.

and suddenly a wave of confusion and frustration and hope is erupting within you. so many emotions and so much fucking hope. hope that this could be something more. hope that maybe you were wrong. silly, foolish, childish hope that enthralls you completely in its deceitfully warm embrace.

he’s still holding the spoon to your mouth when he speaks.

“can you try it? it’s something for the bear. for the new menu. wanted your opinion on it.” he looks nervous, like he wasn’t the one who invited you over. like he isn’t currently the one lighting your cheeks ablaze and causing your to heart implode under the sheer force of your adoration for him.

“oh, um, yeah. of course.”

he smiles. a close-lipped thing that makes you want to kiss it off of him.

you move to take the spoon from him, but he gently shoves your arm down against your side, says “open up,” and puts the spoon in your mouth.

the food is great. more than great. but you’d be lying if you said you were paying attention to that.

because carmen fucking berzatto just spoon fed you. like a couple.

and now the domesticity is crushing you, mind, body and soul.

because you’re in love with carmen berzatto.

and by some miracle, he might be in love with you too.

[christmasjade]

My thoughts on Married in Red+ My general thoughts on Studio Investigrave !

So I really like this game

It was fun to be able to play it on my own with no help from Youtubers and stuff ^^

The game has 1 ending, though you can have 2 different kinds of game overs lol (I'll get to that later)

The mc (Bok-su) and her relationship with the bride (Da-Jeong) is sad , but not shocking lol. You can kind of tell from the promotional art (and the theme of atonement said in the itch.io description) that Da-Jeong and Bok-Su are not on good terms.

I like that Bok-su was able to get her revenge on Da-Jeong. Obviously her way of doing it is horrible, and the groom (Myeong-hoon) being a main part of her revenge is sad, because he had nothing to do with this.

However, I dont feel that bad for Da-Jeong at all. Yeah, two wrongs dont make a right, and people panic, but she essentially ruined Bok-Su's life and reputation to save her own ass, so I really can't bring myself to feel too bad for her.

Sure you can argue that the situations are different, with Bok-Su purposefully killing Myeong-Hoon meanwhile what Da-Jeong did was a mistake, but I personally am a firm believer of getting your lick back, so 🤗..

I also like how the deaths and reactions are the exact same lmao.

The patient Da-Jeong killed was a man, and his mother said something along the lines of like.. "You killed my son" (I dont exactly remember, depsite me literally just playing LMAOO) and Myeong-Hoons mom literally says the same thing/something adjacting to that too Da-Jeong.

Da-Jeong runs off and during her break down says "I didn't do it-", which is what Bok-Su says when shes retelling the story of what Da-Jeong did to her.

Bok-Su had to goal of getting her payback to make Da-Jeong atone and she accomplished it. And the crazy thing is, despite everything that happened, Da-Jeong never said sorry.

She never said sorry. Not when Bok-Su showed up to the wedding, not when the two of them where alone in the garden, and damn sure not when Da-Jeong had "enough" of Bok-Su being there.

She never said sorry, not even when she pointed the blame onto Bok-Su. In fact, Bok-Su repeats a line that Da-Jeong said to her when (I'm assuming so anyway) the incident happened. Da-Jeong told her that she didnt have anything to worry/be mad about.

The ending of the game, obviously, isnt really a happy ending. Bok-Su gets her revenge and makes Da-Jeong go through what she did but 10× worst. So sure its happy for her,but its still horrific lol

Which is why I love endings for the games that Studio Investigrave makes. With the exception of Cold Front, all of the endings across all the games arent truly happy ever after kind of endings.

With Dead Plate, Rody either has to kill Vincent after finding out his ex was killed and turned into food by him AND after he tried to do the same to Rody.

Yeah Rody makes it out alive, but theres still a horrible and traumatic incident that happened. He knows why Vince did it, and was able to get rid of him, but it doesn't erase the fact that Manon is still dead. (Or with the other ending he leaves the restaurant and never find Manon, because shes in the fridge "missing".)

With Elevator Hitch, the cycle repeats for Protag. When he finally gets the chance to leave the Elevator and the building, hes stopped by some..guy ?? (Who looks like an alternate lmao) and is convinced that he needs the job. The exit doors then open up into the elevator again. He never leaves that building, and is probably stuck in a time loop.

With Eloquent Countenance, Angelica either gets the ritual redone on her by the cult, or is stuck in the cult with the knowledge that shes not the only one in her body. But that she shares it with an angel pretending to be the dead wife of the cults pastor.

Yeah, she lives, but she has to wait until Forcas can fully save her from her possession by said angel. The ending, like Dead Plate and Married in Red, is horrific.

And then with the other ending of Cold Front , if you push Winnie off the stairs, he dies in the crash and Auggie takes his place. It's a happy ending for Auggie, sure, but he never gets the closure or the realization that Winnie was never the wicked and mean person he made him out to be in his head. Its disturbing how content he is with it, with the fact that his former best friend is dead and how he replaces him.

But yeah, erm... the game was fun, 10/10 ^^

[montimer]

Vampire!Joker x hero!reader

Reader is a spiderperson but ya can image otherwise too

As you keep watch from a tall building you began to hear scratching noises. You whip your head to where the sound was coming from, but nothing was to be seen.

You circle around the building, trying to find whatever made the noise. You figure it must have been a cat or something. You go back to the edge of the building, staring down.

"Missed me?" A faint voice asks from behind.

You jump at the sudden voice, you stand towards the shadow figure, hands put up, ready to strike.

But as the figure comes closer, it becomes more visible.

"Joker?"

He looked, different. More pale? Could that be possible?

He had sharp teeth, claws and glowing blue eyes.

He jumped at you. It was so sudden you were sure this was gonna be how you die.

You slowly peek down. He was cling to your chest, his legs hugged around your waist. He snuggled close to you.

"Ah you smell, like iron" you squeezed your eyes in disgust.

"Drac was feeling the munchies, so he took a bite!" He laughed to himself.

"Speaking of which, i am thirsty" you felt his claws grew stronger into your skin.

You tried to shake him off panicking he'll bite you but he just giggled.

"As good as you smell, i got a better idea where to go"

He let go of you and you stumbled back. He waved to you and blow a kiss then turned his back and jumped down.

You quickly ran after him. Taking a look down to see if he's okay. He was climbing on the building like a spider.

Oh great now hes even harder to stop. He was energetic before, now with powers like this you'll hardly catch him.

You begin to climb after him. He took a look back in hope that you were following him. Upon seeing you his smile widened and he giggled again.

"Keep up spidey!" He laughed.

At your fury you jumped on him and the two of you would have hit the ground if you dont shoot a web to hold onto.

You held him close not to fall off. He seemed surprised by the falling but quickly regained his smile.

"Aww you just can't let go of me, can you?" He purred.

You slowly shake your head.

"Got you, now theres no running away"

"Oh don't be so sure of that" He said in a seductive tone. You raised an eyebrow at him.

He licked your neck slowly. It made you let go of him at your surprise. He landed on the ground, spin once like a wheel then jumped on his feet. He bowed at you and saluted.

"See you around darling! Don't hang around too much, it'll make the blood go to your head!" He pointed at his own head mimicking. Then laughed manically before running off.

He drives you crazy sometimes.

[strange-little-spy]

Chapter Two -  – A week later, Greyhound Bus Lines Station, Alexandria VR – 11:27 a.m.

Summary: Addie meets her helper and winds up in the 1930's??

Warnings: none for this chapter! word count: 3,218 words

“Bus 67 leaving for Liberty University Campus at 11:30, boarding now.” The P.A. announced, starting Addie on her short walk from the waiting lot to the long bus that waited to take her on her next stage of life. Her backpack and duffle bag held her items so she could spend the next few weeks comfortably in a hotel until she could find an apartment or even live on campus if she really needed to.

“Have a good trip,” The attendant smiled at her as she passed and she thanked him before climbing the stairs onto the bus. The scent of worn leather seats wafted into her nose as she squeezed through the aisle before picking her seat a little past halfway down the bus. She stuffed her duffle bag under her seat and sat her backpack between her legs so she could access the items inside. Her allergy meds were on top, as usual as she rooted for her earbuds.

“There you are you rascals.”

So she spoke to inanimate objects, big whoop.

She popped them in, immediately turning on her oldies music. She thoroughly enjoyed 40’s and 50’s music, especially the big band songs, plus the bus really gave off the old time vibes.

She smiled and decided she would enjoy the trip.

She yelped softly when her head bumped against the window as the bus hit a bump a little too quickly, so much so that one of her earbuds fell out.

“Now where'd it go..?” She felt around herself and under her seat.

Nothing. She bent forward and checked the metal flooring and thankfully located it near the leg of the seat. She smiled and straightened up, looking out the window to see if they were there yet.

But what she saw outside the widow was quite surprising.

The bus station-- she assumed that’s where they were pulling into--was full of people and the building looked decades old, but not falling apart old, but more like a whole different style old. Almost like something you’d see out of a black-and-white movie.

But no, she was here and she was awake. Was she? She did bump her head but that was barely enough to bruise her. Was she going crazy?

She looked to her right where a young man was sitting, she had to pinch herself from yelping when she recognized the uniform he was wearing was from flipping WOLRD WAR TWO!?!?

It couldn’t be!

“You alright, miss?” The older lady behind her gingerly touched her arm, getting Addie’s attention. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

“I-I’m not sure…” Addie replied, feeling very lost. “Where are we?”

“New York. I take it you had a long night and needed a catnap, hmm?”

“Yeah, I think.” Addie scrunched her brows, looking around. Everything looked retro, but the colors were real and very much alive, nothing like the aesthetics she would see online with the soft yellow undertones or the black-and-white pictures…

Then it hit her; she was back in the 1900’s.

“You gettin’ off, miss?” The driver asked, his northern accent shocking Addie. “I got some more rounds to make ‘fore quittin’ time.”

“Yeah, sorry-“ She grabbed her items and stepped kinda shakily off the bus, staring at everything.

“Hey, watch your step, ma’am.” The soldier from before caught her arm before she lost her balance on the final step. “Would you like me to take your things?”

“Uh, no thanks.” She shook her head, trying not to stare at him. He was so…different. His speech, the way he carried himself, it was all so old-fashion as her friends would call it. “I can manage.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He tipped his hat and walked away with a smile.

Addie was star-struck, she had never seen anyone act like that before in her entire life. It was almost as if he held her in high respects and he didn’t even know her name!

“Hey, wait a second there!” She called jogging after him. “This bus was supposed to go to Richmond! So why am I in New York??”

“Well, theres a good chance you might have gotten on the wrong bus.” He tried, scratching his eyebrow.

“No, I have my ticket right here.” She adjusted her backpack and fished her ticket out of her pocket, she had made sure to keep it handy. But what she pulled out of her jean pocket was not her ticket, it was a GreyHound line ticket, but it was for New York City, one way!

“What the heck?” She whispered.

“Ma’am, you shouldn’t use such strong language.” The soldier in front of her scolded, but his eyes sparkled at her words.

“What?” She looked up, confused. “I was supposed to go to Richmond, but I’m in New York!”

“Yes, ma’am, you are.” He nodded, a smirk tugging at his mouth. “So you can either go the clerk and buy a ticket for Richmond or you can find a place to stay overnight and make a fresh start in the morning.”

“But…I was going to Richmond,” Addie refused to believe it. There was no possible way she had gone from 2024 all the way back to 1940-something. Was the war even happening-?

“Thanks for your help, man." She smiled at the soldier before making a beeline for the newspaper stand where she knew she could find the date.

“If you want you can stay at my place tonight, I’m sure Ma and the other kids wouldn’t mind.” He followed her, offering a quarter for the paper.

Addie smiled and took the quarter, paying the boy for a paper and looking to the top for the date.

“April 6th, 1939?!” She blurted, already seeing spots in front of her eyes.

“Hey, are you feeling alright?” The soldier touched her arm again, stepping closer in case she fainted.

“I..I dunno..” She tried to find her phone but there was nothing in her pocket, not even her earbuds. It wouldn’t have been any use anyway, there was no signal and no way to charge it. “Its 1939?”

“Yes, ma’am.” The soldier nodded, his own faced etched with confusion and concern. “I think you outa come home with me, my ma can help you.” He took the duffle bag from her hand and slung it over his own shoulder.

“I-I really shouldn’t—“ Addie stuttered, not sure if this was a trap or not. But men in the 40’s, especially soldiers, wouldn’t just bring a girl home for things that should be left unsaid. Maybe this guy was sincere..

“C’mon, miss. I can’t just leave a pretty kid like you on the streets alone, besides, you ain’t got a place stay. We’ve always got an extra room. I’ll sleep on the porch and you can use my bed.”

Addie was struck dumb, here he was offering his own bed for her and he didn’t even know her…

How could you say no?

“Alright, you talked me into it.” She sighed, folding the newspaper and shoving it in her backpack. “I should probably know your name before I go home with you, though.”

“Lieutenant James.” He flashed a charming smile and offered his hand. “And may I know your lovely name?

“I’m Addie.” She smiled back, giving his hand a firm shake. “Army?”

“Marines, miss.” He winked proudly and motioned to the steps for her to go first. “Seventh division.”

“Really?” She fell in place beside him as he escorted her down the street, it wasn’t as busy as modern day New York, but the few cars that were on the road were absolutely massive and all metal too. Addie had only seen a few in D.C. and some in Memphis, Tennessee when she visited there for her senior year.

“Yes, ma’am.” Lieutenant James held his head high as he practically strutted down the sidewalk with Addie by his side. She could only imagine what his family would be like.

“You from Richmond?”

“No, I’m from Washington D.C.”

“No kidding? Holy smokes!”

“Its pretty fun, but…” Should she tell him she was from another century, much less that the United States was about to go to war in two years? He would be pleased to know they would win…

“But what?”

“I was so looking forward to Richmond.”

“Whats in Richmond?”

“Liberty University and a Forensics Science degree with a 5,000 dollar scholarship.” She kicked at the pebble, sending it plinking down the sidewalk.

“You’re going to college???” James turned to you, his eyebrows raised high.

“I mean, yeah.” She deadpanned. “I need an education to get a job.”

“Well, gosh, I mean you?”

Then she understood. Women didn’t go to college in the 30’s, much less took jobs in forensics unless it was a secretary.

“Oh-, well um..”

“No, no, I’m impressed, Addie. I really am. That’s high dollar if you were accepted. More power to you.” 

“Thanks, Lieutenant.” She smiled at the ground, but she looked up again to stare at the houses. Some of them were new, some of them were really old and could have used a do-over. But the one at the end of the street was flat out gorgeous. White-washed siding and a beautiful wrap-around porch with black shutters and a lovely off-white door. The window’s had cream colored shades inside and the lawn was a wonderful shade of green.

“Oh, its so cute!” She smiled.

“You like it?” The lieutenant grinned. “I wanted it until the old lady bought it. But it looks like with the war in Europe I might be heading off soon.” He said bittersweetly. “Man, is Katie gonna have a cow.”’

Addie snickered at the term, she hadn’t heard it before but it was quite appropriate for him.

“Does your family live on this street?”

“Right down the next block,” He pointed to the stop sign a few hundred feet away where a gang of kids were playing catch it looked like in the street. Addie could hear their shouts all the way from where she was.

“My little sister is the one in the green,” James pointed to the girl who looked to be around twelve with a backwards baseball cap on over her red hair, her green shirt was covered in dirt along with her jeans.

“Oh my,” Addie snickered. “Whats her name?”

“McKenzie, but we just call her Mickey.”

“That’s cute”

“And there’s Rebecca, she's the one refereeing, but she’s called Rikki. Her brother lives in Brooklyn.”

The name lit off a bulb in Addie’s mind, Rikki was a nickname for a certain character’s little sister, she just couldn’t place it—

“They certainly look like they’re having fun.” Addie smiled as they turned the corner onto another street.

“They always do. As long as they’re outside then Ma don’t mind.” James smirked as he glanced at her.

When they reached the house,  it looked rather small but once the lieutenant opened the door and called for his Ma, the room seemed twice as big as it looked from the outside.

Addie glanced around, taking in as many details as she could. It was cluttery, simply well-loved. As if many people made thousands of memories in this house.

“Willy!” An older woman, probably mid 40’s rushed into the room, wrapping her arms around the young man’s neck and giving him a kiss. “Why didn’t you call from the station?? I thought you’d never get here!”

“I’m sorry, Ma. I got a little side-tracked.” Willy smiled and looked to Addie. “Ma, this is Addie, she could use a place to stay tonight. I think she meant to get on the bus for Richmond instead of New York.”

“Oh, you poor dearie!” Ma took Addie’s hand. “Of course you can stay here! Willy, get the young ladies things and take them to Joseph’s room, he can sleep in Henry’s room with him.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Lieutenant Willy took Addie’s backpack and duffle bag and bolted up the stairs.

“Now come in here and tell me about yousself.” Ma pulled Addie into the kitchen and set her down at the table. The smell of something cooking in the oven made Addie smile.

“Well, it’s a crazy story.” She shook her head in disbelief. “So much has happened, I just don’t know if its all real!”

“Willy’s a good boy, he’ll take care of you, honey.”

“Oh, no!” She laughed. “We’re not a thing, he just offered me a place to stay, I’m not even looking right now.”

“Oh bless me!” She put her hand on her bosom. “You mean he hasn’t taken a liking toward you?”

“No, ma’am. I was a little tipsy at the bus stop and he just helped me, that’s all. I didn’t even know his first name was Willy until you said it.”

“Oh-! Well, then, do you need to get to Richmond tonight??”

“I’m…” She paused. “I’m not sure.” Her hand played with the ticket between her fingers. “Now that I think about it, I don’t think what I was going there for even exists…”

“Now, don’t look so sad, young’un.” Ma patted Addie’s hand as she sat down, setting a plate of cookies on the checkered tables cloth. “Eat yourself some of those, you’ll feel better.”

Addie couldn’t do anything but smile and take a bite from the cookies. They were less sweeter than she expected, but that would account for the Depression’s effect on everyone. Sugar was probably a rarity back then- or…right now. She still couldn’t quite wrap her mind around it.

“Well, you can stay here as long as you like, honey. Maybe you’ll warm up to Willy.” Ma smiled mischeviously and patted Addie’s hand again as Willy opened the door and poked his head inside.

“Am I being nosy?” He smirked before his ma waved him inside.

“Get in here! Addie is thinking of staying with us a little longer, Willy.”

“Well- I didn’t really say that, but thank you for the offer. I really don’t know how I got here and where I should go now.”

“Where you from, darling? Are your parents in Richmond?”

“I’m from D.C., but my mom…I-..” She trailed off. How on earth was she supposed to work this out?? For all she knew, this woman could have been her great-great grandmother.

“Have another cookie, sweetheart. You’re always welcome here anytime.” Ma touched her shoulder, her eyes softening.

“I’m not an orphan or anything,” Addie shook her head. “But I lived on my own and I haven’t seen my dad for..oh, five years? He was deployed for combat a long time ago and we got news that he went missing in action.”

“Aw, honey. I’m so sorry.” Ma frowned. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Addie nodded slowly. She wasn’t exactly close with her dad, but she did miss him. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Dinner should be soon, you two. Joseph!” Ma stood up and called out the screen door.

“Yeah, Ma??” A young boy called back.

“Would you go tell Mickey and Danny dinner is almost ready?”

“On it!” Joseph went to do the chore as Willy cleaned off the plate of cookies.

“Holy cow, mom, your cookies got better!”

“William!”

“She hasn’t been able to bake worth her life for the last three years.” Willy grinned at Addie who grinned and shook her head.

“And you’ve been the one to suffer, huh?”

“Oh, you have no idea.” He groaned before his mom smacked his.

He laughed as Addie snickered into her hand. And then it hit her.

“Is there a library around here?” She hit her palms on the table top.

“Well, sure there’s on downtown.” Willy thumbed in the direction indicated.

“Dinner’s almost ready!” Ma objected.

“I’m sorry, but I have to check something and I don’t know how long I have.” Addie stood up and turned to Willy. “Will you please take me there?”

“Sure, but right now?”

“I have to check something.”

“Alright,” Willy shrugged and stood up.

“I’ll keep your dinner warm.”

“Thanks, Ma.” Willy waved before he opened the door for Addie, who quickly strode  toward the street.

“So what so important, kid?” Willy jogged to catch up with her. “You look like my sargent on patrol.”

“I want to look someone up, but I’m not sure if it’ll be there.”

“You sure are some girl.” He laughed and shook his head.

New York Public Library, 3:45 p.m.

Addie didn’t really know where to start except to ask the lady at the desk with the glasses that could have fried ants within seconds.

“Excuse me,” She leaned against the high desk, keeping her voice low. “How do I look up ancestry?”

“Last name?”

“Jeannes. Two ‘N’s.”

“Follow me, please.” She smiled softly before appearing from around the desk and taking her around the aisles and aisles of books, it smelled like books in there along with a touch of warm air from outside. Willy followed her closely as the lady took Addie to a line of filing cabinets.

“’J’ through ‘K’ is in this drawer,” She pulled open the cabinet and began to finger through the files. “Here we are.” She smiled as she handed the correct file to Addie. “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“No, thanks.” Addie shook her head and began to spread the papers on the table in the middle of the room. “But I might have some more questions later on.”

“Alright, I’ll be at the desk then.” The lady smiled and pushed her glasses up her nose before silently stalking off back to her post.

“So who are we looking for?” Willy leaned over the chair, his elbows resting on the back.

“A man name Isiah Jones, he married my grandmother and then his daughter divorced her first husband and then married my dad.”

“Jones, Jones..” Willy looked over the first paper he picked up. “I think I heard of a Jones in my unit, but I doubt he’s the one you’re looking for.”

“What makes you say that?”

“He’s a Korean.” Willy smirked.

Addie rolled her eyes and shook her head, sitting down and studying the papers before her. If she could find her grandfather, she could find a place to stay…that is if she could explain her existence.

“Got him.” Willy slid the paper across the table as Addie grabbed it.

“Isiah Jones, married to Camile Jones, maiden name Rogers—“ Hang on.

“Hey, um, do me a favor and pull the Rogers file for me.”

“Alrighty.” Willy stood up and began to look for the file. “Another relation, I take it?”

“Not this time, but I think I just figured something out…” Addie poured over her grandfather’s family before Willy set the file beside her.

She attacked it, looking for the name she so desperately needed to find.

“Rogers, Rogers… Aha, Sarah and Joseph Rogers! Theres no way!!”

“Silence, please!” An old man hissed from the hallway.

Addie blushed but couldn’t help the grin of excitement that spread across her face.

“There is no freaking way..” She breathed, touching her cheeks. “So lets see….I have to stay three years, that’s all.”

“What?” Willy squinted.

“Okay, do you know Steve Rogers?”

“Uh, I think I’ve met him once and that was through Bucky, Rikki’s brother.”

Addie let out another squeal, absolutely enthralled. Not only was she dropped in the middle of an international crisis, she has been dropped the Marvel Universe!! God bless Stephen Strange.

thank you for reading 🥰✌️ Dividers by @strangergraphics

prompt by @the-superoriginal

written by yours truly, all relation to actual people are purely coincidental but I may have written Addie's personality of of a friend of mine.. haha 😆

tag list: @oh-to-be-a-murderer - @fictionalmenjusthitdifferent - @itzzkaylaaa - @crazyinlovewithmarvel - @natt-romanoff - @ohyeah-itssamwilson - @proud-owner-0f-americas-ass

if you would like to be tagged in the upcoming chapters, please send me an ask and I will make sure to tag you!

[selfdiagnosedeyemotif]

Hope I get the one you want, though I am not confident in it

5 (this ones personal curiosity), 13, 27 and 30, for the 30 one answer the question you want to answer, but don't say which one it is (if you think this is cheating too much then I suppose just don't do it, you can do 15 instead)

5. Favourite form of potato?

i do really love poutine which is crazy because im from canada but also baked potatoes are ostensibly the best form of potato

13. What's the first thing you'd do in the purge?

steal a sword. open carry.

27. What's your go-to outfit?

ive got this green and navy blue plaid shirt that i thrifted recently that i love a ton, and then also some camouflage cargo pants. ive got a skirt that im making that im hoping to oust the pants but its also fully just fabric right now so we'll see

now. you said question 30 to answer the question i wanted. with question 15 as a backup.

question fifteen was the question that i specifically wanted. that being said.

15. Rank the methods of death: freezing, burning, drowning.

so just getting the ranking out of the way before i explain. drowning > freezing > burning.

BURNING is a good method. its definitely not bad. its loaded and symbolic as hell (witch trials) which is a plus and is VERY evocative, but its just... missing something to me. like theres not enough on the part of the person burning. you cant really talk because the fire is going to just kinda force you to scream (WHICH SIDE NOTE. CAN BE COOL. DEPRIVATION OF AGENCY IN DEATH. ESPECIALLY WITH HOW YOURE OFTEN TIED UP WHILST BEING BURNED). but overall its a good death but doesnt measure up to the others

FREEZING is more my speed. freezing requires time more than anything, which sets it apart from most forms of death. most of the time when someone dies its either quick, or slow in the sense that it takes maybe a few hours. PERSONALLY. i prefer infection in this regard. but overall the main difference between these two is that infection is wet and freezing is dry. but yeah freezing slowly sucks the life out of you and breaks you. it wears you down until theres nothing left. the last stage of hypothermia is also notably a sense of calm and warmth and tiredness. you just need to lie down for a moment. which to me is actually fucking horrifying if im being real with you. that is SURRENDER. which is always awesome. narratively. again infection is a better way to do this (its grosser) but freezing to death will fill its place quite nicely.

now. DROWNING is the shit. because here's the thing. it is mechanically very similar to burning to death. you cant talk (water). its VERY fast with shades of panic involved. but heres the thing. first of all its dark and wet which i think im already on record as saying i prefer. but heres the thing. drowning has a few things running for it that are UNIQUE to it that i think really pushes it over the edge.

Drowning has a specific, short time limit. Most people will last about six minutes without air. Some can stretch it to ten. But there is, effectively, an actual clock ticking on a drowning. With exsanguination (bleeding out), that doesn't exist. You could bleed out super quick or last hours. With burning, that doesn't exist. You're gone too fast. Drowning, unlike most forms of death, gives you a bit of information by its nature, and offers room for suspense. You'd better hurry up. There isn't much time left.

Drowning forces you to betray yourself. The natural bodily response to asphyxiation is to attempt to breathe, and you can only suppress that response for so long. Normally this is good; you don't have air, so you get some by breathing. Easy. But with drowning, that is the specific thing you don't want to do. Attempting to breathe, a thing that you cannot prevent from happening, kills you faster. And additionally, it just looks sick as hell to gasp for air whilst underwater. You get those bubbles, your last lifeline, rising up and away from you while you sink further and further from the surface. You're never getting those back.

Drowning better utilizes light and darkness than most forms of death. (Quick side tangent: this is one scenario where sometimes burning does it better. Death through light can be using to spotlight that which is true while killing someone, which can definitely be cool. It is impossible to hide that which is true whilst burning; every feature is highlighted, which can be great for both just and unjust deaths in cases where a lack of ambiguity works in the death's favour. Anyways, back to the actual point i was making). By the way drowning works most of the time (put a pin in that for point four), you are dragged further from the surface as you die. The surface, generally, is also the main source of light in these situations. In pulling someone into the dark while killing them, it can really emphasize both a hopeless feeling and a feeling of pointlessness and loss. This death will not be honourable. It will be obscure and lost forever, a footnote at the bottom of the sea. You will not be remembered.

Drowning also has another unique way of demonstrating obscurity that I'm personally a huge fan of. Usually drowning involves a deep body of water, but so long as your mouth and nose are submerged and cannot reach air, you can drown. Ergo, a person can drown in a few inches of water which is so COOL. Like. You were so close to being pulled back into the world of the living you just needed a little PUSH. A little HELP. But you died ANYWAY because you, again, were so crushingly alone, so buried beneath obscura even before you died, that no one COULD help you. And for those same reasons you will AGAIN be forgotten.

The mafia put people's feet in concrete and sink them into rivers and I think that's a very evocative image.

[5-pp-man]

another tierlist because ppl actually liked that first one;

the crème de la crop;

the first 2 eps i thought it was fine, but it didnt really captivate me as much as id hoped. but then ep 3 changed everything for me. i started to think "how could living armour work logically? everything so far has been edible, so this must be too, right?" i actually managed to think of the exact thing that this series did. that really made me realise the worldbuilding in this was something unique, and it only got better and better with each episode. its really managed to captivate me and i look forward to "delicious donderdag" every week :)

ANIME ORIGINAL LETS GOOOO absolutely bonkers show that almost slipped by me because it initially tried to fool its audience into thinking it was a regular dramatic military show. it still is but theres also a giant robot who plays by saturday morning cartoon giant robot rules. if that sounds like tonal whiplash to you, trust me, it is. and its amazing. have i mentioned how homoerotic this one is as well? yeah. originally a tier below this one, but immediately after finishing this post i watched the newest ep. i had to make an exception and edit the list because ep 9 changes everything. i havent been gobsmacked by a show this hard in a while.

(return of the) show(s) that execute their own premise very well;

i havent read the manga for yubisaki to renren so i cant compare, but the quality of this adaptation has been very consistent. you need a little sweet romance every once in a while :) this is one of those series where the characters really grew on me the longer it went on. im always a fan of mixing realistic struggles with romance and this one has been doing it well so far

adaptations that are ok (i read the manga for both of these);

i've been a mashle fan since before s1 aired. and the anime has some good changes and additions here and there! but its not very consistent in terms of quality, it does that shonen thing where the animation quality suddenly spikes for certain action sequences, but it also frequently had a lot of scenes where they recycle shots a lot and nothing interesting happens on the screen for a considerable amount of time. still! its a fine adaptation. and yeah the op for this. blew tf up lmao? very strange to see happen in real time

i actually rlly like the manga for this one. i read the whole thing up until vol.6 before the season started (all that was available back then) and it made me cry multiple times throughout. i was sort of missing that connection with the show, though some of the later episodes still hit. its mostly to do with the animation quality, which isnt that great unfortunately. the voice actors are knocking it out of the park though

wghere am i;

is this show good? i. uh. will you hate me if i say yes...? objectively, i know its not that good. especially in the animation department. but if you like other Umatani shows, you'll like this one. it's got the same brand of goofy reactionary humour mixed with gimmicky tacky characters and crazy stupid plot twists. ive been faithfully watching this one each week and I'm afraid i've become very invested. overscientific indeed

bro you fell off...;

i was so beyond excited for this one. i replayed the op a million times, watched each preview, rewatched multiple episodes. and then. ep 5 happened. and i started to realise. oh this show kind of sucks doesnt it? the pacing of the first ep was great, but the rest? way too fast. it became clear with ep 6 that theyre trying to do a double cour show with half the length, which is why they started hauling ass plot-wise. now. i was an arajin apologist for the longest time. but at that point i honestly started to loathe him. even when he stepped up, his praise still felt sort of unearned. and to top it all off, shindou's motivation sucked so he felt like a lousy antagonist. ep6 was better than 5, but it really made me lose my enthusiasm and hope for the series. and right as we were talking about them probably not having time for a filler ep, ep7 happened. feels like a waste of time to do an ep like that when you've still got a whole 2nd arc to go through. but who am i

it started off pretty good honestly. but then chris went to the hospital and it kind of just dwindled from there. this season does so much with characters that have not even been properly introduced like how am i supposed to care about these people if i barely know who they are. the stuff with finn and leo respectively was good though. but the lore dump? lord help me. also vijay just kind of. exists to be there in the background huh? i would not call him a main character they never give him any attention. wendy had another ep again and he didnt get shit. again. also i think finn was stupid as fuck for not listening to lala but again. who am i. i know we cant destroy high card because we need a show but. cmon man.

i am severely behind on these;

reason why im behind is because most of the eps are a bit heavy so i kept. not watching them. its starting to get rlly interesting though so i'm def gonna catch up this is one of those robo-racism shows so i have to really watch out to see where its going. dont want another marginal service situation...

sorry this is just. a little too boring for me. its charming, sure. but i think this wouldve worked better as something with an 11 min timeslot instead of 23 min. theres just a bit too mu- or well, too little for me to rlly get into this. i think reading it would be more fun for me personally

[birdgirl-22]

Thoughts currently in my head

𓁂

spilling my heart out

I dont have an identity i can call my own. I don't fit in, not in the fake way like an alternative person would say "im different" while having 10 friends irl and thousands of followers online, having found their own group. I mean the real way, the friends i have have identities and groups they fit into but i don't. I find my value decreases if i don't have interests i can share with them. If i pretended to like their interests that would be a terrible thing to do, not for me but because they'd think i was crazy. So i just have to watch on the sidelines. Im supposed to ignore it, just get over it like a normal person but i realize i was going about it all wrong; I cant ever be enough because i don't have an identity. Im a blank slate that copies from others, and it keeps shifting, and at the moment its nothing. I feel devoid of all life, i try so hard to become obsessed again with something, preferably something they like so maybe theres a chance i can get their attention again. For now im just their shadow, no one notices their shadow unless the light is bright enough.

I envy the rich tumblr culture, the friends everyone has, i see people pity me sometimes, and try a little to get me involved, im not ungrateful for their efforts, but the full experience is something i yearn for. When i was a kid, my best friend and i had different interests, i felt inferior though, when i tried talking about my interests it was short lived, she always got her word in about hers, and she always talked about hers. The colour black is better then blue, her superhero was better then my superhero, drag queens were cringe. I was cringe. Everyone in school knew i was cringe, she was my only real friend. I don't think i ask for the world, i ask for friendship like what everyone else has. I know its impossible to like someone who has no identity, doesn't share your interests, whats to love about them? i don't think theres anything to love about me, i don't think you can list what is to love about me anymore. Perhaps im blind to what people try offer me, maybe they have given up because of it. Is it my fault if i was blind? I got older, i made online friends through wattpad, a space i had an identity in at last. My fanfics were loved, and people showed me they loved them. They didn't always have to vote or comment, they would just read them and save it to their libraries. Or they'd just straight up tell me "please update!" "Post more" and i had my group. I had my tribe. But they moved on, people move on. I lost my friends , but it was my own fault because i got into a lot of arguments with someone, it killed my love for writing. After that i had no identity, i had short moments a few years later in college, interests came and went, but i made no friends, i had no group. Every friend disappears, yet people manage to have lifelong groups and close bonds. I don't understand what im missing. Am i trying to hard? am i too sad? but that's not my fault. then i get angry, its their fault, they should be patient, they should try harder. It cycles. I realize, when i get small bursts of rational thought, its no ones fault but mine. But that doesn't make it hurt less, i think it hurts more. I don't know what to change about myself. Motivation is gone. I just want them to notice me again. I don't want to be a background character in everyone's life anymore

"Oh yeah, she exists." . But no one gets what they want in this life, except the "cool" people with everything to offer each other. I promise i have so much love to offer if you just give me the chance.

[asexuwales]

i dont know who i am

what is my identity

i like lots of things

i also dont like alot of things and i know what they all are

i appreciate some things but sometimes they dont really hit the same when i actively think about them

like shadows and such

they seem so pointless out of context

idek who im trying to be

well

im trying to be someone with a sense of self

but as a nihilist it doesnt work out too much

people say im not a nihilist because i have a job i want to do and hobbies

nihilists dont just sit around doing nothing we do get bored

but how we would love to

there isnt a point to anything

maybe were big thinkers who see too much outside of the big picture

whats the point in spending so much time earning money when it was just a system set up because we accidentally discovered fire

if you dont comply to the government in anyway the only way is jail

maybe jail is a nihilists endgame

i wouldnt mind being in jail

but other parts of me are relieved that ive finally found somewhere to belong

my insides clash i guess

growing up without a stable base or stable reliable people in my life leads me to want to find a home

but my personality wants to just give up because life is so fucking boring anyways

so why dont i give up its supposed to be the easy way out

but it really isnt

the paperwork

the possesions

the relationships

having to change my stable base again

japan has become the longest stable place ive ever had

which is crazy to think about

the longest ive ever stayed in one place is like 2 years

the dragon was 5 years but i changed house and people like every 2 years

even before i started boarding we didnt stay in a house longer than 2 years

but why do i desire a stable place to stay

was it really that awful

because i didnt notice it was awful

it was just life

idk how it would have affected me

this stupid sense of self affects every part of my life and my work

the problem i have with literally everything stems back to who am i

i really dont know who i am

its messing me up

i dont know how to find out who i am when i already know what i like and what i dont like

what am i missing

i really feel like im missing something

its not as simple as what i like and what i dont like

theres something else

that everyone else seems to have no trouble understanding

i really need help with that

but i dont know how to work around to that because everyone always stops at what i like and what i dont like

what other parts are there to me as a person

what creates a personality

INTP

im introverted i get my energy from being alone

im intuitive i activley search for new things and enjoying changing my opinion and evolving

im a thinker i make decisions logically and analyse things before i feel them

im a perciever im more random and spontaneous

but that doesnt tell me anything i dont already know

if i enjoy learning things why am i a nihilist

who do i think of myself as a nihilist if i constantly want reasons and answers

WHAT THE FUCK AM I MISSING

when i talk about my likes i dont actually like them

but when i see them i like them but i think about how i dont like them when talking about them

that doesnt include my interests

specifically naruto ive never been bored talking about naruto

what music do i like

all music music is better than no music no matter what it is

what movies do i like

dead poets society

which is crazy but its a movie about optimism

i know i dont like romance

unless i do

then i do like romance

a very specific lack of fluff but not toxic kind of romance

i wear tshirts and baggy trousers

i dont wear skinny trousers because theyre uncomfy to sit in

that's probably because they dont fir properly

but i dont have the money for properly fitting skinny trousers

they gotta have a stretch

i lie about alot of things

i paint myself as not a lier

but i really am a chronic lier

lying gives me a sense of security i think

i can control what others perceive me as

but i dont want others perceiving me

do i want control

i know people find me annoying but thats been so oversaturated in my life that i really dgaf anymore

everyone finds me annoying and theres nothing i can do about that

i like the dark

idk how to talk about things deeply

im so surface level

so why do i do therapy

i feel like i have nothing deep to talk about

because im so surface level

so why am i like this

i wish other poeple would try to understand me as much as i understand them

if im surface level why do people not understand me

maybe my worst fear is that im making all this shit to be way bigger than it actually is and that im just a normal person with some sort of victim complex

just sick and tired of life i just wanna lay down and never wake up again

i wont be losing anything when i die

[romanceuntold]

hi everyone! it's jen, back at it again since i always come around with a long, heartfelt "end of the year" wrap up! i just gotta be there. i hadn't had the time to come up with an actual heart-to-heart message this year, so i would like to share something else with you guys instead (aka my personal ending ment hehe) i hope this finds you all well! 🩵

a message for the upcoming year - "if you knock on a door and it remains closed, it means there is nothing behind it. theres no magical, mysterious, alternative life you are being denied. there is nothing you are missing out on. what you are grieving is an idea of what might have been. if you feel you have spent too much of your life in disappointment and regret, perhaps is that you have tried to turn too many dead ends into pathways, empty rooms into more than they were ever intended to be. if you knock on a door and it remains closed, it means that the path is unfolding somewhere else, and you're now one step closer to finding it. it is not your dreams that must be released, but your sense of posibility that must be awakened."

another one goes... "if today was difficult for you, i hope you know that tomorrow can be better, i hope you know that the moments that are uncomfortable or hurt or dont make sense will pass. i hope you remind yourself of all the times you didnt think you were going to feel better but you did. as you go through your days, remember that every moment is just a moment.

when you cant take it one day at a time, try to take it one breath at a time, take really good care of yourself and know that it's okay if you don't accomplish everything you told yourself you needed to today. you dont have to start a new routine or healthy habit today if it feels like too much. you dont have to be as productive as the people that you see everywhere. your life is yours and you only have this one. tomorrow it will feel a little bit better. and then better. and then better. you are safe. you will have everything that you need."

and finally, before the next 12 months begin, here's your checkpoint - if you're carrying a weight that doesnt belong to you, it's time to release it. forgive yourself for those lessons that were learned a little too late. you're human, navigating a path that's both complex and beautiful. embrance the wisdom you gained, even if it came at a cost. remember, growth knows no timeline and you're exactly where you need to be.

your timing is yours alone, nobody else's!

@hyunpic ♡ @shorelinnes ♡ @xiaoxiongmaos ♡ @choibeomggyu ♡ @yeonjune ♡ @choi-soobin ♡ @heelicopter ♡ @minhosblr ♡ @innielove ♡ @crazy-form ♡ @facethesuns ♡ @dokyeomis ♡ @moonsua ♡ @hooned ♡ @lveclouds ♡ @exocean ♡ @dowoonyoon ♡ @bcomgyu ♡ @seungkwan-s ♡ @xiaojuun ♡ @usertae ♡ @bestleader ♡ @yutito ♡ @tmpttion ♡ @dykeyeonjun ♡ @wayvmp3 ♡ @oddinarys ♡ @woozis ♡ @jeonwonwoo ♡ @tbzuyeon ♡ @twiceland ♡ @soujisetas ♡ @yeonbins ♡ @heesungs ♡ @ddominho ♡ @isitstraightvodka ♡ @euphhorias ♡ @beomieblr ♡ @gyusgal ♡ @jaeyuned ♡ @5oobin ♡ @hueningkai ♡ @pookiez ♡ @waketoearth ♡ @deerseungs

to my cosmos (bc who am I if not the one who writes a bunch of words to yall lol):

🍜🐕 chesca: you are NOT at all the mean words stuck at the back of your mind. no way! you're as pretty as the flowers, the water, the weather, (specially the ORANGE SHADES) in each of those monet's paintings. with that, art might not be everyone's cup of tea, sure, but is still ARTWORK for a reason. you're not behind on anyone, you don't need to rush, to keep up, i've told you this before, so please... take great care of yourself. i want you to be as proud of yourself one day as i am on the daily. one day that will turn into everyday. you will get there, you will be your greatest inspiration one day.

🌻 sun: of all the things i wish to tell you, felix wrapped it all in one go: just take your time, if you want to take a break, take a break. dont force yourself to do something. if you feel tired or if it's too hard for you, no need to stress. you still have time. every single person is good at something. you still have so much time. this is your checkpoint: tend to your wounds, let them heal, if it hurts too bad, i'll help you bandage them til you are good to go. i promise!

🐱 maja: as a grand poet (lee know) once said: "no matter how you look at the sky, it is still blue. when it rains it turns gray. there are also times when it's dark but above the clouds, it's still blue. it'll all be over soon, it's just an extra headache if you worry about it". you will be alright! and yes, even if that one issue (or a few issues) is still weighing down in your heart a little, it's just a bigger cloud. the bluest of skies will still be there, for you, and so will i!

🎨 agnes: i wish i could just cup your face with my hands and yell at you about all the necessary things you need to remind yourself. for now, here goes something: "you are not meant to be ornamental, you are meant to be a person. that means taking up space and being loud and standing up for your needs (and sometimes wants) and being inconvenient because that's what people are." 100 becomes 99 if a number is missing, the set will never be whole without that 1 number to it. the space will be there for it to take up, bc 1 belongs there. much like us, much like the world. so please, just allow yourself to be.

finally - to all of you beautiful people, if you guys must, just take a moment to yourselves, to reflect upon everything. love is such a beautiful and messy thing, but when it comes to the end of that line, what are we if not love personified? whenever i write these, know that i am speaking to you all specifically, heart to heart. i dont know about the rest of the world, but I know about my friend-tuals. you guys deserve the world, i dont care what anyone says, you. deserve. peace. so rest well, we got another 12 months ahead! among such violent ends, you are bound to be a wonderful start.

i hate goodbyes, but if it means opening up space for a better something, i'm willing to bid farewell for a change. so much has happened, which makes me think... what a privilege it is to be able to still be here, able to use words to reach out to you all. thank you to everyone on this list. we will all be okay, eventually. we will be okay! let's meet again soon, and then again and again and again. i love you guys so so much. happy new years!!! 🎉

[cryptic-lily]

im gonna be ruminatig over what i made this blog for originally my bad

its been almost five years since ive made this blog and it feels wild now looking back into the server i made for this au and how much ive personally grown and how many people were touched by this good for nothing story really. i cant even remember or think right now the exact appeal of it but it seemed to speak to a lot of people. it felt nice. i miss it sometimees. i know that now im inspired to do things with it again, sadly it'll never gain the same reach or impact as before, as when SFM was on its peak. so many friends ive made then and am still friend with them. crazy how time flies.

i dont know if even any people who are aware what this blog is are still here. i think i'd like to discuss this au with someone but i find myself in deep hole of desire for self-isolation and its not. good. and i also dont want to bother anyone with an au only i care about at this point. i think its all that really matters i guess as long as im having fun. its all it comes down to these days. im just playing with toys.

i think i have a better grasp of what i want this au to be right now, which is good? i have a better idea of what i want to do, so theres hope i can actually do something with it. i might just write a fanfiction accompanied with art but we shall see. not sure if i post it if i do. but its a thought that counts i guess.

[luansmysterymasteryy]

This Follow Episode Is Called: “The following journey with Lancé, Cello, Luan, Danielle, and Alindra.” (FIXED VER.)

[BEUEGEHEGEHEHUFFO]

ALINDRA: I remember.

LANCÉ: Who?

ALINDRA: Yuan? Luzi?..

LANCÉ: Oh.

LANCÉ: Luan! Yeah, my old friend!

ALINDRA: Our.

ALINDRA: She’s on my list, we need to get her.

ALINDRA: She is a powerful demon, and this might also count as revenge for the..

ALINDRA: Problems.. That she caused. Maybe even the suffering she caused for you, Lancé.

ALINDRA: memenrgrgrhh…maybe i’m pushing myself..

ALINDRA: But, it’s what HAS to be done!

ALINDRA: We need to keep the world safe, Lancé.

ALINDRA: I’m sure we all know who she is.

ALINDRA: Or what she is.

LANCÉ: I didn’t care if she was evil.

ALINDRA: Ew.

LANCÉ: Whatever!

LANCÉ: Besides that, how in the world are we gonna find her?

ALINDRA: She is a walking stereotype.

ALINDRA: We’ll get our chance in no time.

ALINDRA: You don’t miss her? Right?

LANCÉ: I..

LANCÉ: …Just….don’t think about it.

ALINDRA: What’s that supposed to mean?

LANCÉ: No! It’s just..We’ve never caught such a THING!! What if we DIE?!!!..

ALINDRA: I’ve got nothing to lose.

LANCÉ: Easy for you t’say.

LANCÉ: Everything would just be a waste for me. Dying for abso-bloody-nothing.

LANCÉ: It’s helpless!

ALINDRA: Oho, don’t worry. This is just the start.

ALINDRA: And i mean THEE start.

LATER

SYD: Duh, why would you wanna know if i have some kind of history with Luan?

SYD: I mean, sure you’re some sort of weird detective.

SYD: But she’s been dead for 4 years.

SYD: So? you’re stupid.

SYD: Really really stupid .

SYD: Get out.

ALINDRA: Syd, please.

SYD: Sad mart, loser.

ALINDRA: Syd..

SYD: No.

ALINDRA: SYDNEY JONES.

SYD: FINE.

SYD: Breaks starting anyway..

SYD: Okay, yeah she’s dead.

SYD: And she’s going to ruin the entire earth with her little hands?

SYD: She’s basically done for; she’s lost all her power.

SYD: I don’t know about you, but you’re going crazy.

ALINDRA: BUT.

ALINDRA: What if i told you she got it back?

SYD: What?

SYD: I told you before, she’s nothing to me.

ALINDRA: I just need information.

SYD: Sure, whatever!

SYD: You can get me fired from my job for free!

SYD: Spend all the time you want!

ALINDRA: Really?

SYD: Sarcasm.

SYD: But fine, you have 4 minutes.

SYD: “Go on.

ALINDRA: What is she to you?..

SYD: Luan isn’t that hard to remember.

SYD: She’s pretty much an old friend.

SYD: Or something…

SYD: I’m sure she remembers me too, i just don’t wanna assume anything.

ALINDRA: Why not?

SYD: Maybe she doesn’t really remember me, my hair was cut really short at the time, i had less freckles, acted like a freak.

ALINDRA: I guess that’s right.

SYD: Obviously, idiot.

SYD: Besides that.

SYD: I’m going back to work, do NOT call me.

ALINDRA: geggergrkggrgfrrhdh…

ALINDRA: y’know what..

SYD: Hurry up!

SYD: I’ll get fired.

ALINDRA: You could say that.

SYD: What?

ALINDRA: (oh my god dude why do I have to do this..)

ALINDRA: (or maybe that’s, like, the only thing I can do?)

ALINDRA: (…)

ALINDRA: Syd.

SYD: WHAT?

ALINDRA: SCREW IT!

SYD: H-

SYD: WHATAfFYEHEBWHWVWVGhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SYD: STAWPpp!!!

ALINDRA: DITCH THIS PLACE!!

ALINDRA: Okay, so now we are all just, kind of, together.

ALINDRA: Syd lost hope and probably will get fired.

ALINDRA: She changed her clothes..and yelled at us..

ALINDRA: But it’s okay, we’re cool!

ALINDRA: We invited Iree!

ALINDRA: And um..we invited a serious conversation.

ALINDRA: I am so sorry, Syd.

ALINDRA: But you can’t just stay at work knowing everybody’s gonna die and die and die and die and die and die and dieee!!..

ALINDRA: I-.. I must be freaking out, alot..ALOT..!

ALINDRA: But, i know that it’s absolutely wrong! They are after US, and, i’ve tried telling you!

ALINDRA: Maybe we’ll even get to the point where i’ll fricking sacrifice my own blood or flesh or something TO just..SAVE..your lives!?

ALINDRA: I’M OVERTHINKING AREN'T I???!?!?!??

SYD: Jesus Christ..

SYD: Okay. Fine.

SYD: I wouldn’t hesitate to admit that i’m sometimes freaked out.

ALINDRA: ..?..

SYD: Sometimes theres this scent lingering around my house.

SYD: I can feel someone. There..

SYD: And i can feel, and smell..it right now..?

IREE: Non.

IREE: Admettez-le.

IREE: You. Me.

IREE: Very different.

IREE: You know, i could always feel like there was someone that was watching below me.

LANCÉ: and…?

IREE: Ah, it has turned out.

IREE: I have been mistaken.

IREE: You’ve said you’ve seen the demons before?

IREE: That is in fact a clue.

IREE: But, only believe..

IREE: Once it happens again.

IREE: Eh? You get it?

IREE: If you really see it again.

IREE: Then it is thee time, mon ami.

IREE: To start the search.

ALINDRA: I feel better..i guess..?.

SYD: Dope, french people scare the shit out of me dude.

SYD: I’ll be facing towards the wall at night now.

IREE: Fermer la bouche.

IREE: I am telling the truth.

IREE: If you do see the trouble again..

IREE: You are the chosen! You are in a bad situation.

IREE: Ah, you know. Perhaps even for all of us.

IREE: It’s still your fault.

IREE: You’ve dragged yourself in the wrong path, you’ve gotten the wrong directions.

IREE: But i still do not believe you.

IREE: Remember, I say, do not hope for the worst.

IREE: I wouldn’t wanna say it twice♡︎.

IREE: They say you learn from your “little” mistakes♡︎.

IREE: I’ve learned too much♡︎.

IREE: Don’t be like me♡︎.

IREE: I didn’t know what to do at all after that♡︎.

IREE: You know it♡︎.

IREE: Anyway!

ALINDRA:

IREE:

LANCÉ: So..um..

LANCÉ: I-iree…

LANCÉ: I was wondering if you had feelings for Luan? Or were you just good friends?

IREE: Oh, don’t get all goofy.

IREE: She is very very much a friend.

IREE: It was in an idol crush way.”

LANCÉ: Really?.. I mean- Really?

IREE: Really! I mean-.. REALLLYY!!

LANCÉ: Don’t mock me..

LANCÉ: pfgghghgg....

IREE: Hey.

IREE: Seriously, to be honest..she was creepy.

IREE: But i’d rather not talk abo-

CRRRAASSHHHHSSHHhhshs.

ALL OF THEM: AAHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

IREE: OUR LIVES!!!

SYD: MY JOB!!

LANCÉ: OUR FAMILIES!!

ALINDRA: MY FUCKING CEILING.

IREE: That’s what you’re worried about?

ALINDRA: ..We aren’t even friends.

SYD: I hate you all.

ALL OF THEM: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

IREE: ….

IREE: (no no no noo..no….)

???: My..my..my..

LUAN: Look what the cat dragged in!!!

LUAN: ..Ughghsgfhfhhh, took you long enough to find an OBVIOUS “hiding” spot!!

IREE: Wh-…

IREE: HIDING SPOT-?..

LUAN: ..shhhhshshshhshshh…

IREE: A-!

LUAN: You, my friends.. Have gotttteeenn ssooooooooooo closeeee..

LUAN: To being shredded.

LUAN: But i gave your asses a chance, didn’t i?

ALINDRA: SHUT UP!!

ALINDRA: SATANIC BEAST!!!

ALINDRA: You aren’t killing my friends!”

ALINDRA: ..Not at ALL.

LANCÉ: friends..?

SYD:

LUAN: Alright, that’s it. Shut up. Now.

LUAN: Children, you’ve gotten into the best toy store in town!

LUAN: Where all the guts and blood and guts and blood and blood and guts….

LUAN: ..can be found!

LUAN: You’ll find your little sparkly dolls somewhere else.

SYD: I knew it..something was up!

LUAN: Ah.

LUAN: Not everything.

LUAN: I don’t recall you saying anything about knowing our history!!

SYD: History?

LUAN: You know!~

SYD: I seriously don’t.

LUAN: ..Me and Iree are great friends!

LUAN: Isn’t that right? Iree.

IREE: No, no! It’s not fucking true at all!

LUAN: Eeeek!!

LUAN: I hear a liar!

LUAN: A big one, if i do say myself.

IREE: Wait..

IREE: You..you’re the one who killed my parents..

IREE: Y-you..

IREE: M-

LUAN: Maniac? Malicious? Meatball?

LUAN: Monster?

IREE: YES!

IREE: You are a monster! You are..you are insane!..

LUAN: Aww, how cuteee!

LUAN: I don’t give a heck if i killed your parents!

LUAN: Maybe they deserved it.

LUAN: No guilt tripping me.

[akaakeis]

hello hello sav <3 how are you doing?

im attempting a yap ask but i dont know how much time i have on my hands so if i need to go i'll just press send and you'll have an awkward cutoff. also, it will probably be mildly ominous lolol

anyways !

i got my period for the first time since like ,, july ? i think ? which is insane the stress has been crazy

also like.. wdym september is almost over WDYM. october, november, december then ??? new year ????? ur birthday ?????????

speaking of which i've been brainstorming ideas for an (online, not money costing) present and it's like. "write something. okay, what. okay, got it. wait no that's cringe nvm." even though it's probably not cringe 😒😒

a pinterest board sounds sillyfunny hmm

okay next topic pretend you didn't read the last part because i am HORRIBLE at hiding surprises like it just makes me so happy when other people are happy and like arghhh #girlproblems

i dreamt up a new smau yesterday and ill dm u about it tmr <- hasn't finished the first one yet, hasnt even STARTED it

OH OH OH I MISS YOU SM theres nothing more to that bit i kept thinking i have to add it in somewhere and also kept forgetting but like yes. um. imy baby ily 🫶

anyways SCHOOL right. today i caught my super awesome studious top grades role model student bunking class with the school's head girl. that was crazy. and i was going to bunk english (bc the teacher SUX see next para.) but i was so surprised at seeing her sneak off school bag n all during break that i accidentally bumped into said english teacher and she smiled and said hru LIKEEE KMS NO.

i spent a good 15 minutes hiding in the bathroom from her tho. okay so lemme describe our uniforms for u. so first we have like an erm. top thingy. google "female kurta" and you'll see like this thing w/ slits at the sides etc etc. it's usually shorter than the ones shown bc. uniform. and then we also have like loose fitting pants, and uhh. imagine a doctor's white coat thingy over all that which buttons up. and then a headscarf. ANYWAYS THIS IS RELEVANT BC. theres a girl in our class, the youngest & she's 15 in october. BUT wtv uh her apron (coat thingy is called that) buttons are loose and they keep opening. so obviously the teacher had to help.

"boys rn think many things they will stare at u and then in the future u will not get married" — mrs j 2024 😻 LIKE GIRL WHAT. and then she fatshamed a girl WHO ISN'T EVEN FAT BTW SHE'S LIKE. HEALTHY. AND HEALTHIER THAN MOST OF US SHE'S PHYSICALLY ACTIVE WORKS OUT AND EATS FRUITS AND STUFF um oops gtg i think.. and oh also she like ,, has hormone stuff but wtf woman. u dont even know proper english anyways gtg TELL ME AB UR HOMECOMING (?) and school is so stressful rn dont get stressed ily sav! <3

um so im gonna bawl my eyes out i was in the middle of typing out my reply AND IT DELETED ITSELF!! this is a cruel, cruel joke! ANYWAY HI LINA!! im doing good, hope you're doing well!!!!! <3

I MISSED YOUR YAP ASKS SM so happy to be receiving this 🙂‍↕️ have an amazing day at school!!

SINCE JULY??? i hate my period but i think i would lose it if i didnt have my period for a month cause i would convince myself i have conceived jesus in my uterus and am going to be a teen mother... SO ITS GOOD YOU GOT IT BUT I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER PERIODS SUCK SO BAD 💔

god it's so weird that september is ending... SPEAKING OF WHICH I HAVE AN ARTICLE DUE TO MY MAGAZINE ON OCT 1 I FORGOT today im locking in so hard on my school work and job... im also starting babysitting the side hustles are going crazy rn...but the thing is time is passing so funkily?? idk but it feels so slow during the day but before yk it you've been in the cycle for a rly long time and its the end of the month!!! i rmbr asking my friends this week if it still felt like it was the beginning of the month for them and they were like "no...?" LIKE OKAY THEN just slap me in the face and call me a freak at that point goodness 😞 but timeline 4 me we have october + halloween, november + thanksgiving, december + christmas, january + new year + BDAY!!!!, february + valentines day, THEN march + your bday <333 

im gonna act like i didnt see that one! im 45% blind in my right eye and fully blind in my left... matter of fact i cant see much of nothing 🫡

NEW SMAU WEEEEEEE im so excited to hear about it!!!!! ga(c)r is heavily staring at u from the corner of the room BUT SHE CAN WAIT

BRO I MISS YOU SO BADDD ilysm imysm chronically online era come back to us this summer PLEASE 

YES SCHOOL‼️ HELLO NOT THE ACADEMIC WEAPON I WOULD BE SO RATTLED IF I WITNESSED THAT? your teacher freaks me out i think id cry if i bumped into them LIKE I WOULD GENUINELY TWEAK!! especially the smile i can only imagine it looking creepy tbh

15 minutes in the bathroom u are so valid lina 😞 ALSO FEMALE KURTAS ARE SO CUTE THEY LOOK SO COMFY?? YOUR WHOLE UNIFORM SOUNDS SO COMFORTABLE 💔 i remember when i went to priv school i had to wear fitted polos and skorts CAUSE THEY WOULDNT LET GIRLS WEAR PANTS UNLESS IT WAS WINTER THAT WAS RIDICULOUS anyway back on topic that girl is pretty young for your class 🧍‍♀️ what r the age cutoffs like there?? cause usually the youngest ppl in my grade are both late august/early september idk

"boys rn think many things they will stare at u and then in the future u will not get married" GIRLL SHUT UP 😭 whos gonna tell her! FATSHAMED??? there is no way.... THATS ACTUALLY INSANE I BET THAT GIRL IS MORE ACTIVE THAN HER SHE NEEDS TO SHUT UP ⁉️ just messed up to do that in general like keep it to yourself ffs 😞 "u dont even know proper english" CLOCKED HER SO HARD i fear u are correct 

ILL TELL YOU ABOUT HOMECOMING NOW ILL GIVE U THE RUNDOWN OF EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED 🗣️

so like around 2:30 a bunch of my friends met up at one girl's house and we all got dressed and did makeup together!! my friend kaila did my makeup and i also did my friend jaslene's makeup THEN i had to book it and get to a hair appointment i had at a salon to get my hair done for the dance 💔 

after i finished getting my hair done i met with my friends at a restaurant and we all had dinner!! we took some photos outside while we were there and while we were taking photos my foot WAS DEMOLISHED by jaslene's boot heel thing anyway my foot was stepped on and it hurt cause i had open toe heels it was so bad hhhh BUT IM FINE NOW I THINK ‼️‼️

after dinner we all drove to the dance in one car and we were vibing out to baby + hot to go during the drive I COOKED UP THE RAP IN BABY SO HARD im famous amongst my friend group for the rap i always get the mic for that part 🫡 

when we got to the dance it was 7:00 and we just had a bunch of fun until 10:00 😭 hugged literally everyone that i knew i love seeing people at dances cause they always look so gorgeous!!!! lots of jumping around in the crowd and scream-shouting lyrics to songs that played... tons of fun 🙂‍↕️ my voice is practically gone now and my feet hurt since i was jumping around in heels the entire night BUT WE ARE SO CHILL it was really enjoyable!!

i agree school is super stressful rn... ill try not to!! you too <3 take care + have an amazing day at school!! ily lina <3 xx

[maddiehu7]

Dangerously in love | loki laufeyson |

Chapter 3

I go to help my dad up

"And now theres that guy" he says rising up

"What do you know about Thor violet" romanoff says looking back at me

"Um...um he's a Norse god and...he's the god of thunder control lighting he's pretty dangerous and strong" I say looking nervously at my dad and Steve

"Oh thats great, is he friendly at least?" Steve asks before I can respond my dad speaks

"Doesn't matter if he frees loki or kills him, the tesseracts lost" my dad says with finality turning to fly out of the ship

"Stark we need a plan of attack!" Steve shouts at him

"I have a plan. Attack" my dad says flying out

Steve sighs going to jump out after him but I grab his arm

"Take me" I say hoping he'll agree

"Are you crazy your dad will kill me" he says like looking at me incredulously

"Please Steve, plus I could be of use I know the most about loki and Thor maybe I could help" I say pleadingly Steve thinks for a minute sighing knowing I'm right

"Fine but please for the love of god stay out of the way and try to not let your dad or loki see you" he says

"Thank you!" I say smiling he rolls his eyes grabbing onto me tightly jumping out of the plane

When we get to the ground Steve drops me off onto of a rock and goes down to the fight I can see perfectly from where I am

"Now, I don't know what you plan to do here" Steve says but Thor interrupts

"I've come to put an end to loki schemes" Thor shouts angrily

"Then prove it, put that hammer down" Steve says cautiously and my dad just has to open his mouth

"Yeah...no bad idea he loves his hammer" my dad says Thor swinging his hammer and slamming my dad with it I want to feel bad but he just dosent know when to stop sometimes but I guess I'm a hypocrite because I begged captain America to come down here which some would argue is the wrong thing as I'm thinking all hell breaks lose and they start fighting again in so focused on the fight I don't even hear the footsteps behind me

"Ah Tony starks daughter what a pleasure" I turn around startled only to see the god of mischief himself standing over me I stand up slowly backing up

"Loki" I say sighing out breathlessly from fear

"The one and only" he says smiling put his hands up showing himself off

"What do you want" I say looking suspiciously at him

"And why dear would you presume I want something from a mortal such as yourself" he says cocking his head up curiously looking me up and down

"Well why else would you sneak up on me like a creep" I say crossing my arms cocking my brow

"So brave" he says laughing looking at me with something sinister in his eyes I back up uncomfortable but he starts walking towards me I keep backing up but I feel my back hit stone and suddenly I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place literally

"You seem like a fun thing to play with" he say smiling wickedly reaching his hands up to touch my face but I look away dodging his hand

"And feisty, I like"

"Leave me alone loki" i say looking back at him trying to look tuff

"Fine" he backs away putting his hands up smirking I look at him confused that he did what I told him suddenly missing his presence but that's crazy, right? But all of a sudden a bright flash flashes from below I go to look down brushing by loki which makes him smile and me shiver, I look down and see everyone on the floor getting up

"Are we done here?" cap says out of breath they all look up at loki and me

"Shit" I say looking my dad in the eye my dad flys up as soon as he sees me putting himself between me and loki

"What the hell are you doing here and with him no less!" My dad shouts his mask disappearing from his face god I don't think I've ever seen him this pissed

"Um...nothing...just watching" I say shrugging trying to diffuse the situation

"I swear your gonna give me a heart attack one day, and you...you" my dad says walking towards loki angrily loki just smiling

"Dad stop please he didn't do anything" I say running in between him and loki holding my dad back he looks down at me like I'm stupid

"Didn't do anything?" He says

"Well...to me he didn't do anything to me" I say looking back at loki who's smirking down at me with surprise on his face that I'm defending him

"I can't believe your defending him kid" my dad says looking slightly disappointed

"Did you not hear me? I'm not defending him I'm saying to just stop fighting, god!" I say running my hands through my hair annoyed

"Sorry" my dad mutters

"But I'm still pissed at you, now let's get reindeer games back to the ship" he says clasping handcuffs on loki he looks down admiring the them

"Hammer come fly your brother back to the ship I'll take vi and ice cube" my dad shouts down to Thor which makes him swing his hammer up flying up to our level taking Loki and flying up to the ship, my dad takes me and Steve and flys us up to the ship to

Once we get up to the ship we all go to the center of the ship to watch Loki in his cage furry talking to him

"In case it's unclear, if your try to escape if you so much as scratch that glass" furry says pressing a button the bottom of lokis cage opening up he goes down to look over the edge of his cage

"It's 30,000 feet straight down in a steel trap, you get how that works?" He asks loki pressing the button to close the trap loki chuckles

"It's an impressive cage, not built I think for me" he says easing his hands towards the cage

"Built for something a lot stronger than you" furry confirms

Oh, I've heard a mindless beast makes play he's still a man" loki says looking at the camera walking towards it I look over at Bruce sorrily he just smiles smally at me

"How desperate are you, that you call on such lost creatures to defend you?" Loki ask furry smirking

"How desperate am I? You threaten my world with war, you steal a force you can't hope to control, you talk about peace and you kill because it's fun you have made me very desperate you might not be glad that you did" furry finishes strongly

"Ooh...it burns you to have come so close...to have the tesseract, to have power, unlimited power and for what? A warm light for all mankind to share and then to be reminded what real power is" loki says speaking to furry like he's nothing

"We'll let me know if "real power" wants a magazine or something" furry smiles fakely walking away loki just continues to stare at the camera

"He really dose grow on you doesn't he?" Bruce says sarcastically

"Lokis gonna drag this out so Thor, what's the play?" Cap asks

"He has an army called the chitauri there not Asgard nor any world known he means to lead them against your people they will win him the earth in return I suspect for the tesseract" Thor says turning towards us

"An army..from outer space...well that's just peachy" I say throwing my hands up

"Who are you?" Thor questions looking at me

"Oh sorry I'm Tony starks daughter the one in the red machine" I say putting my hand out smiling

"Oh yes...the annoying one no offense" he says shaking my hand

"None taken" I laugh he smiles at me

"Anyway so he's building another portal tahts what he needs Erik selvig for" Bruce says

"Selvig" Thor says confused

"He's an astrophysicist" Bruce continues

"He's a friend" Thor says looking solemn

"Loki has him under some kind of spell, along with one of ours" nat says looking uncomfortable, I've had enough of this conversation and sneak out thinking of what to do....see loki? That's a bad idea right

"Loki laufeyson" I say walking up the stairs to lokis cage He turns around looking confused that I'm here but then putting his shields in place smirking

"Little stark tell me what do I owe the pleasure" he says walking towards me

(To be continued )

[vvkiflo]

Monica & Irene - based on a real story.

i have a perfect life.

im popular in school

i have many friends

my home life is not so perfect

but im happy.

sometimes.

everyone has voices in their head,

they’re either the good voices

or the bad ones, no in between.

but mines is right next to me

its a girl at my school.

shes not real.. at least i think.

shes odd.

she sticks to me at school and tries to talk to me.

i ignore her, of course.

because shes not real.

but theres some moments where she will speak directly to my friends.

i don’t.. have an explanation for that.

like i said,

shes odd.

Irene is odd.

“Monica!”

i ignore her.

she starts talking about herself.

Irene tells me that she cut herself last night.

why would she tell me that?

i mean, i cut myself too. but i don’t tell anyone.

but then again,

Irene isn’t real.

she isn’t real.

but when i walk into the bathroom and i see tissues and tissues used to clean up blood…

why do i think of Irene?

im going crazy.

that night, i cut myself.

i haven’t done that in awhile.

it felt good.

the next day, Irene asks me if i cut myself too.

i am not surprised that she knows.

because after all, Irene is me.

I think.

I ignore her again.

I walk into my class and she walks into hers.

I talk to my friends and act like nothing happened.

one day, Irene was gone.

she disappeared. literally.

i thought i finally stopped hallucinating.

the voice in my head was gone.

finally.

I soon put two and two together and realize Irene was put in a mental hospital.

good. i thought.

but doesn’t that mean shes real?

Irene comes back and starts telling me about her mental hospital visit.

i ignore her.

suddenly, she grabs my wrist and starts running with me.

it was embarrassing.

but Irene was laughing.

she looked happy.

this time, it was impossible to ignore her.

i ask her, “who are you”

Irene looks at me in confusion.

she doesn’t get the chance to answer me.

a school counselor takes her from me and walks away.

I pay no mind and go to class.

she isn’t real. she isn’t real.

i repeat to myself over and over again.

im going crazy.

now theres more voices.

im hearing too much.

they tell me to get up and go to the bathroom.

they tell me to go into a stall and cut myself.

they tell me, “go deeper, Monica”

“Kill yourself, Monica.”

before i knew it, i had seriously cut myself.

id need stitches.

i start to cry.

i miss… Irene.

I walk out the bathroom with a bloody arm.

I make blood marks where i walk on the floor.

wheres Irene?

I miss Irene.

obviously, someone comes up to me.

They tell me something, they look concerned.

I look beyond them, wheres Irene?

they ask me questions.

i don’t answer. more like, i cant hear them.

nothing makes sense.

i feel like i am floating.

off into the ocean

with my two arms and legs paralyzed.

i cant move.

do i even have arms and legs?

who am i?

when i come to, i find myself in a hospital.

there are two people tending to my cut.

i still cant understand them.

are they speaking english?

are they speaking spanish?

i cant tell.

they put me in a wheelchair and wheel me to a different room.

in this room, there are more kids.

they look crazy.

i shouldn’t be here.

wheres Irene?

i still don’t know whats going on.

i want to tell Irene what happened.

i want to tell Irene that im scared.

the voices in my head speak to me again.

Monica, you have to run.

Monica, they’re trying to hurt you.

Monica, please get to safety.

Monica, theres someone behind you.

woah. what was that?

Monica, if you turn around, it’ll slit your throat.

I listen.

I look straight ahead to where the nurses continue to communicate with me.

they cant see the person trying to kill me right now.

I sit there and refuse to move for who knows how long.

the voices speak again.

Monica, it has a knife to your throat.

Im scared.

I turn around and look for the killer.

no one is there.

its a wall with animals dressed as nurses, telling kids to brush their teeth.

I let out a sigh of relief and cry.

I am crying so hard i think i might die.

I feel something sharp on my wrist.

ice.

the nurses are pressing ice against my wrist to bring me back.

they put me to sleep and i let them.

when i wake up, i can understand them this time.

they ask me if i remember yesterday.

i tell them no, i can only remember Irene, the cut, and the killer.

they write all of this down, i assume.

they ask me, who is Irene?

I tell them Irene is a physical voice in my head.

I tell them Irene is me.

They ask me on my interactions with Irene.

i tell them i ignore her, because shes not real.

i tell them she talks to the people around me sometimes, which i don’t understand.

they ask me if i see her outside of school.

i tell them i only see her at certain times at school.

They tell me Irene is real.

I tell them no shes not, and that they’re crazy.

They move on and ask, “who’s the killer?”

“I don’t know, I just met him.” i say.

They write this down and ask me more questions, but i don’t really remember them.

They tell me they have decided to diagnose me with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Anxiety, and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

i freak out when they tell me this.

“Im not crazy!” i yell. i tell them to let me go home, im not crazy.

i start crying and get up to leave.

the nurses grab me by my arms to get me to not leave.

I start sobbing and i cant stop.

a nice nurse sits me down and helps me calm down.

afterwards, a therapist comes in and talks to me about my new diagnosis.

i don’t listen, im tired.

once the therapist is done, they send me to sleep.

i miss Irene.

i don’t really remember the rest of my visit. i lost track of time.

soon, they told me i was well enough to go back into the real world.

i was scared.

the killer was going to come back and slit my throat.

someone was going to kidnap me.

but its okay, because in the real world, Irene was there for me.

This time, i would welcome her.

kiss her on the forehead and greet her with open arms.

[goremet-chef]

just found someone who makes monster hunter lego builds do NOT speak to me im. this. GRGRGRG

anyways heres some gifs i have of monsters cuz im in love with this series forever and always (super long ramble SFJKS ive been writing this for hours)

odogaron + ebony odo is like.... you dont understand. thats me i kin so many monsters from MH its insane like.. thats literally me nothing reflects me better LOOK AT THEM. rathalos, odogaron, nargacuga like any red scary thing i resonate with deep in my soul its insane

this one is one of my headmates favorites. shrieking legi really came thru when he was having a bad time and i love this for him. ITS JUST LIKE... so many of the monsters resonate with us on such personal levels, that its hard to even explain. i am selfish, and i do view monster hunter as my game (got that autism special) like these are my creatures they were made for me

REAL TALK THO, these two were genuinely actually made for me look at this shit

unknown (black flying wyvern) and valstrax my beloveds. fucking god tier

the fact that i already resonate with the rathalos so hard, and it turns out theres a black and red edgier cool version of it/????like are you insane when i discovered this thing i was. SO UNWELL IN MY CHANNEL ON DISCORD i literally rambled about it for AN HOUR STRAIGHT. then when i found out about valstrax i rambled about that one for an hour too SKFJS like wow they are so cool. autism is real

also have this one, xeno'jiiva is so. MHW was my first MH game (say what you will) and god damn. im gonna be real idk if id be so into it if it wasnt for MHW, cuz like.... the main appeal of the entire game series to me is the monsters themselves. like im. when i first started i was TOO SCARED TO FIGHT THE GREAT JAGRAS (yknow. the first large monster you fight 😭😭 like the 3rd quest. insane) because ive never been into fighting games and having something large PURSUE ME didnt sound pleasant

crazy that i went from being too scared to play it again to LITERALLY playing for 72 hours almost STRAIGHT with minimal pee and sleep breaks, and giving myself carpal fucking tunnel cuz i was just. obsessed. AUTISM IS REAL

went from couldnt stand 10 minutes of it to 400 hours in game SKFJSD

and i would do it again bitch!!!

so what im SAYING. alright. is that im not a fighter in games (well NOW i am, but before i super wasnt) but what drew me in was how i could just.. watch. how i could see all the big scary monsters sleep and eat and walk around and fight eachother. how i could get their tracks, listen to their sounds, ETC. like it was so. IT WAS THRILLING and ive never been more in love

like for context my first special interest is fnaf and i wouldnt be anything like myself if i never got into fnaf like life changing shit. but i gotta say, i mean. ive played the fnaf games and i love the story and EVERYTHING this is not a diss on my first home!!!! but i played MHW to the point of exhaustion, to where i needed to have an arm brace and even then despite the HORRIBLE PAIN in my wrist, i still kept playing

i played so much i literally managed to rub the s and w letters of my siblings keyboard KSJFSF like it was for real. i miss that, like a lot. i dont play as much anymore because i mean. i have it on my laptop. my laptop is a gaming laptop and it can run!! but its better for my

yknow i dont think i have an actual reason and im literally about to cry thinking about it SKFSFJ the good computer with the good graphics and running is my siblings and id need permission, yknow how it is. PLUS im a bit stuck? i need an urugaan ruby for my barioth mission lmao but ill get there

monster hunter world is so beautiful. the environments are fucking stunning, the visual upgrade for the monsters was INSANE and just watching them be animals? it brings me so much joy KSJSJSJ

one of my favorites is the rotten vale, which is funny cuz i remember the first time i ever went there i was so. PARANOID. i use sound with pretty much everything i play since my eyes might not track everything thats happening, so hearing the ambience for the vale freaked me out so much, i stayedat the camp for SO LONG and good thing too cuz the radobaan makes its way down that path and i was shook SKFJSF

also the big fucking dalamadur skeleton in the vale is so. UGHHHH

i love horror and rot and decay!!! its frightening its unsettling but even still the vale is such a necessary part of the ecosystem!!! like wow monsters come there to DIE? are youINSANE

(dalamadur is like one of the biggest monsters for reference. the whole upper part of the vale is made of its skeleton cuz its a big snake its so UGHHH)

also the???? STOMACH ACID POOL?

they were cooking bro,,,,, such a gorgeous and unsettling environment goddd

like GOD i cant think of anything better, the story for MHW is so good man. the tracker said "its an ecological marvel" and i took that personally (i repeat that so much about random shit its not even funny how long ive been doing that for)

or how like... any of the docile monsters (tobi kadachi, banbaro, kulu ya ku, ETC) i genuinely if i go on expedition, and i see theres a docile monster in one of the locales, ill go there and just follow them around the ENTIRE TIME SFKSFS

heres SEVERAL pics of me with banbaros at different times KSJFS

that isnt even all of them with JUST banbaro 💀💀💀 its my favorite activity

and sometimes i get hit with the banbaro / nightshade paolumu / coral pukei combo!!!! thats a triple docile whammy!!!!! thriving

also heres a cute viper tobi shot :] love viper tobi

also also i cant believe i never said anything yet but VAAL HAZAK??? my actual liege look at this mf

MY LORD!!! vaal is so fucking cool man. and the KICKER??? DOCILE

whenever i do this quest i do just follow it around for a while (which. ive had to do this quest A LOT cuz i thought i get vitality crystals from it (yknow cuz i got some from it) so i have probably 100% killed more vaal hazak than any of the other elder dragons SKFJSF

vaal hazak is so cool cuz its covered in rotten meat and uses the effluvium (corpse gas) as its like. life source. it pulls excess effluvium from the vale into itself and expels it when theres not enough, so its keeping the ecosystem tame its so cool UGHH

also one of its moves it plays dead its so fucked up itll fall over like you've knocked it over and then just lay there but you hear its inhale and it looks up and BLASTS YOU with its effluvia gas beam (WHICH. THAT THING HURTS!!!!!! for real the effluvium attack is so. plus it also halves yr health? like if vaal hits you with that shit itll give you miasma or whatever and it HALFS YR HEALTH BAR and you gotta eat a nulberry to negate it

im not one for switching shit around in my like item bar tho (MAINLY cuz most the time ive played MHW was with my siblings mouse and its scroll bare was broken so swapping items was hard) so i just put on like 3 effluvia resistance gems and it cant give me miasma. problem solved SKFSJF

i did get so tired of fighting it cuz yknw its a hard fight its an elder dragon, but i will say like the MUSIC? thats one of the things like. when we fought megan in the forest, they gave us battle music and THAT is why i kicked ass and abandoned all my fear, monster hunter instincts kicked in and i tanked alright like it was NOTHING, battle music just hits different

vaal hazak theme is so fucking good!!!! "keeper of hades" ARE YOU INSANE? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND????? i cant believe this shit!!!!!!!!

monster hunter stop being the coolest franchise ever challenge KSFJSF

i did do vaal hazak fight with no music before cuz i was trying to see and. THE MUSIC DOES SO MUCH? literally there was like no adrenaline without the music it was just. :| oh. im in the vale. thats the dragon. hes gonna breath attack. okay LIKE IT WAS SO LACK LUSTER IT WAS INSANE

i never realized how much the music did for fights but its so.. vital bro like it gets you in the fighting mood it compliments the monster and the area its !!!GRAAAAHHHH

monster hunter soundtrack is literally so fucking good. BANGERS back to back literally every song is so fucking cracked its epic

dont even get me STARTED on "proof of a hero" that song makes me stim so fucking hard man it makes me feel so fucking good. my sibling made his ringtone for me that song and AUGHHH crying sobbing

like yeah this is proof that im a hero!!! literally makes me feel so proud and FOR WHATTTT

idk im such a firm believer in the importance of sound design, sound design is EVERYTHINGGG and MH does such a good job with that shit, the monster roars and environmental ambience, audio cues to what attack is gonna happen, the music its all. perfect 10/10 godtier shit

anyways this is my monster hunter ramble, it most likely will happen again. love this game with all my heart