#am i being too mean? i feel like i'm being mean but it's just ! bad !!!!

[princessfoxington]

Spoilers for Poppy Playtime Chapter 4!

Do not click read more if you haven't seen or played Chapter 4 yet!

Me and my sister watched 8-bit Ryan play chapter 4, and here's what we got from it!

This game is getting darker and more morbid with each chapter being released! I mean, look at the body count we've got in this chapter!!!!

Both Pianosaurous and Yarnaby were robbed of potential. They trolled us with Pianosaurous's introduction in which he's killed by Doey 5 seconds after we get to see him! and Yarnaby was promoted the most for this chapter, but he didn't get much screen time or have any important role!

Harley Sawyer A.K.A The Doctor is a spectacular villain, and (honestly kinda hot) WHAT? NOTHING! SHUT UP!

I lost my shit when I found out Doey the Doughman is voiced by non other than Michael Kovach! Who also voices: Jax from TADC, Rocky Rickaby from Lackadaisy, Angel Dust from The Hazbin Hotel Pilot, N from Murder Drones, and The Puppet guy from Billie Bust Up. ( I know the puppets name, I just don't know how to spell it and I'm too lazy to search up.)

I hate the fact that The crew behind Poppy Playtime keeps introducing us to lovable characters and then killing them off minutes later!!!! I'M NOT OVER DOGDAY AND I WILL NEVER BE OVER DOEY!!!! 😢

I realize The Player has quite a body count if you think about it: Mommy Long-Legs, Miss Delight, Catnap, Harley Sawyer, and Doey The Doughman! ( I don't really think Yarnaby counts)

I feel like when we finally meet The Prototype, not only will he be terrifying as fuck, but he might pull this "You're just as awful as I am, so you might as well join me" thing on us.

I think we all knew Ollie was The Prototype in disguise. However, The Prototype did mention that there used to be an Ollie. Either he killed Ollie years ago, Or he meant is as a way of saying the boy he was before is gone. Maybe he used to be Ollie, or maybe I'm crazy!

My sweet Kissy Missy! 💗 I'm so glad she's alive, but I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up sacrificing herself for us in the next chapter. After all, she's pretty much the only one we have left to trust.

I feel bad for Poppy, but I also think she's a bit selfish and not empathetic as she was planning on sacrificing innocent loves (and even herself) just to kill the prototype! She's scared, I know that, but she didn't seem to care about The Player, Kissy, Doey, or anyone in safe haven.

Doey's monster form is sad to look at knowing that he is not one entity of a child, but three: Mathew, Kevin, and Jack. We know how Jack became part of Doey, but I'm not sure how the other two children were added into him.

WE ALL KNEW!!!! WE ALL FUCKING KNEW THAT HUGGY WUGGY WAS ALIVE!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH-

He looks like he has the same injuries as Kissy. He even lost an arm or maybe just a hand. I almost had a thought that maybe He and Kissy or the same, but than I realized how stupid that is! I tend to overthink details when I'm excited!!!!

One more thing, poor Riley.....😭

Well, now we've got to wait another year for the next chapter of Poppy Playtime. Do you think next chapter will be the last?

[bitchface24-7]

Hi, im truly sorry to bother you, I apologise. But I admire your work and I have drank all of it attentively these days to escape from reality, you are truly a gem <33333. Which I don't know how to express my gratitude for it. I have been struggling my entire life to see myself worthy of gaining or receiving love, I have been insecure about my body. And after I read your fic plus size girls x jayvik I swear I cried in admiration. I just want to know if you could write a fanfic with jayvik in love with a curvy tall girl (I'm 1.78cm, I know it's not much, but I have been feeling like absolute fucking garbage lately). I truly hope all your dream come true, your pets live longer and a fucking raise. I love you, mon cherie <333 0w0

HATERS GONNA HATE - JAYVIK X READER

synopsis: your whole life you've held insecurities, as most women do. You've always been too tall, too “large”, too much. It's weighed you down for too damn long. Your two boys make you realize your beauty, the beauty you've always had. They just took the wool off of your eyes.

warnings: negative self talk, talk of insecurities, childhood bullying, comfort, compliments, fluff, suggestiveness, pre-established relationship, Grammarly is my beta

genre: m/m/f

p.s. You're so sweet omfg 🥺🥺 I love you too!! I hope this fic comforts any and all who need it. I'm not tall (160cm/5’3) but I am thicker/curvy/fat (whatever term you want to use) like I've cried in changerooms since I hated how something looked on me/how I looked. Its peaks and valleys of self-love; and if my stories make y'all feel beautiful, I've done my part. Its also cathartic to me as well.

You've always been the odd one out. You were taller than all your classmates, you went through puberty first and got breasts before all your peers, you filled out and got curves much sooner than expected. Some may call this a blessing, to you it's a curse.

Now as an adult, you're taller than most men around you. You have a curvy figure yes, but it's not like the surgical, edited versions seen magazines and billboards.

You have nice breasts, but they're not defying gravity levels of perky, you have a smaller waist compared to your hips and shoulders, but you have rolls when you sit and twist your body, you have long legs, but they're not sculpted to perfection. You're just a woman.

A woman who hates what she sees in the mirror sometimes.

You nitpick insecurities others wouldn't even see, especially the people who love and care about you.

Jayce and Viktor think you're a goddess amongst men. That you're perfect, both inside and out. They love everything about you.

They love that you’re close in height to them, so they're not bending over to love on you (especially Viktor with his bad back), Jayce is obsessed with your hips and waist, and Viktor would like to die suffocated between your breasts.

So when they see you at your vanity after waking up and nitpicking yourself, well… that just won't do.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Here you are, sitting at your vanity in a large t-shirt and undies, nitpicking away at yourself. Your hair is tossled from sleep, your eyes glittering as you look over yourself. Your hands drag across your face, into your hair, and over your body. Your mind repeating awful statements said about you over the years.

You're so engrossed in being mean to yourself, you don't see Viktor come up behind you and place your morning coffee onto your vanity.

“What’re you doing?” He asks his voice thick due to just waking up. His accent is heavy and heady. You feel your face heat up at his question, not expecting to be caught and the tone of his voice makes your heart flutter.

You freeze slightly, before looking at the handsome man in the mirror, “Just… looking at myself. Nothing to worry about.”

“In appreciation, I hope. Your furrowed brow and pout give you away my love. What’s on your mind?”

A sigh escapes your lungs as you grab your coffee and take a small sip, contemplating your words, “Am I— too much for you two?”

Viktor guffaws at that, his eyes wide when he looks at you, “What on earth are you talking about?”

“Y’know… too much. Too tall, too curvy, too chubby. Just— too much.”

“Who on earth put that ridiculous idea into your head?!”

A light incredulous laugh leaves you at the sight of an enraged Viktor. He looks like a mad cat.

“Society, classmates, magazines, and ads. I'm not… the picturesque standard of beauty.”

Viktor's lips narrow at your dejected tone, “You are the most beautiful women I have ever had the pleasure of seeing. You're personality is sparkling, and your physical beauty makes me question how a goddess like you could love a man like me.”

You whip around at that last statement, anger clear on your face, “A man like you? What do you mean.”

“A cripple. A poor man from the Undercity. A man who is weak, and ill, and not good enough for you.”

A snarl is what he gets in return for his statement, “Who told you that?! I’ll rip their tongue out for such disgusting comments! You’re wonderful Viktor, I wouldn’t change a damn thing about you!”

A knowing look is what you get and your anger immediately quells. Oh that sneaky, smart son of a bitch.

“So— now you know how Jayce and I feel about you. People, society in general are cruel. Our minds our biggest enemy. Jayce will agree with me.”

“Agree with you on what?” Said man asks as he enters the bedroom, a sleepy look on his face as he scratches his toned stomach and sips on his coffee, “What’s taking you two so long? We need to decide on breakfast and I’m getting hungry.”

You look away as Viktor cocks an eyebrow, “Our darling thinks she’s “too much” for us. She’s been ruthlessly nitpicking herself in the mirror.”

A loud gasp is all you hear before Jayce goes into a tangent, “Who told you that?! Give me their names and I’ll black list them from the council! What on earth are you talking about?! Too much? Too much! I’d say there’s not enough!”

“That’s cause you’re greedy sweetheart.”

“Shut up Viktor, my point still stands! You’re perfect babe. Ignore the haters, they hate because they’re miserable in their own lives and we all know the saying. Misery loves company.”

Jayce walks over to you and places his mug next to yours, his frame towering over you as he brackets your back and puts his hands on your thighs, “I’d die if you changed anything about yourself, your legs especially. Don’t take away my earmuffs. I’ll cry.”

You laugh as Viktor joins in and cups your breasts, you gasp at the feeling of his cold hands breaching underneath your shirt. “And don’t take my pillows away. I’ll be devastated and my sleep schedule will be shit again.”

The snort you let out is anything but lady-like, but they got their point across. They love you no matter what, even if they have favourite body parts of yours.

You smile at the two of them through the mirror and their eyes lock onto yours, before looking at each other; having a silent conversation.

“Y’know what… breakfast can wait. I’m hungry for something else.” Jayce states as he looks at you, his eyes big and pleading. His hands travelling up your thighs, over your undies, and he grips your exposed waist.

Viktor chuckles when he squeezes your breasts harshly and you gasp at the sensation, “I agree Jayce. What do you say my love, are you willing to indulge your two boys?”

You nod and before you know it, Jayce has tossed you onto the bed. Your coffee and breakfast completely forgotten as Jayce lowers himself in between your legs as Viktor sits behind you; his hands removing your top as he fondles your breasts and kisses your cheek and neck.

You’re their goddess, and they’ll worship you like one as well. They’ll continue to worship you until the end of time. Your devotees… How lucky you are.

Society sucks. Beauty standards suck. We’re all beautiful, expect we don’t see it. It’s time we pull the wool off of our eyes and see ourselves as we truly are. We’re perfect. No need to change anything. I hope y’all liked this, it made me feel quite a bit better. Love ya ❤️

[larluce]

Arthur and Merlin travel back in time without knowing the other is from the future too AU (SERIES 2)

FIRST PART (SERIES 1) >> PREVIOUS PART >> NEXT PART

(Sorry for the delay. This part is going to be a bit crazy)

Merlin has never been able to stay mad at Arthur for too long, so he soon finds himself back in Arthur's chambers and stays there the rest of the day, lying in bed, while Arthur pampers him.

Being taken care of is a pretty new feeling for Merlin. And, though sometimes it still feels weird, he doesn't get that feeling of wrongness anymore when Arthur brings grapes to his mouth and massages him to help him relax. If anything, he deserves this after the uncomfortable moment Arthur put him through.

As night falls and Arthur cuddles with him, Merlin can't help but wonder: What did he do to be this fortunate in this life? To get this Arthur to love him so throughfully and cherish him this much? Some fear invades him too: Is this a trick of The Sidhe? To get him everything he ever wanted to later take it all away from him. But then Arthur tells him "I love you" again and dissipates his fears with a kiss.

Merlin spent all his previous life suffering and worrying constantly. In this life, he'll let himself be happy.

Arthur: (his hand trails down Merlin's body as he kisses him)

Merlin: (pulls away from the kiss, breathless) Wait... We shouldn't...

Arthur: Why? (kiss) You are my lover. (kiss) I already made you mine yesterday. (kiss)

That is other thing. While Merlin is still processing the new nature of their relationship, Arthur assimilates it and his active role in it with ease. It disorients and overwhelms him, the intensity of how Arthur shows his love. Merlin doesn't recall a single time Arthur has been this possessive with Gwen, let alone Arthur making jealous scenes like the one he did with Gwaine moments before. It makes him nervous... but also hot for some reason.

Merlin: (stops the kiss, though he still blushes, a mix of embarrasment and arousal at Arthur's words) My offended lover act. I'm supposed to be avoiding you for two weeks, remember? If we do it everyone will know and think I forgave you too easily.

Arthur: We'll be discret.

Merlin: My limp won't be so discret.

Arthur: I'll be gentle.

Merlin: (looks doubtful)

Arthur: Please. (hand caresses his waist, hip and then his thight) You can't tell me you don't want it. (lips very close to Merlin's)

Merlin: (gives in, beacuse gods he wants this so bad) Alright, but just once. And be gentle.

Time skip. Next day in the morning.

Merlin: (Wakes up and whimpers in pain) You fucking liar! 😡 (hits Arthur with a pillow)

Arthur: (chuckles softly) Again, you weren't exactly complaining.

Merlin: (doesn't want to admit he was in fact enjoying it too much to stop him) Well, now I am, you brute clotpole! How am I supposed to go for your breakfast now?

Arthur: That can be arranged. (calls out) Guards!

Guards: (enter, weapons up) My lord!

Merlin: (startled, barely has time to react, just covers himself with the covers)

Guards: ...

Guard 1: (looks away in respect) Uhm... Did you call us, sire?

Arthur: (very chill) Tell the cook to send someone else to bring my breakfast, please.

Guard 2: (also looking away) Right away, my lord.

Guards: (leave)

Merlin: (uncovers himself, almost shouting) Why did you do that?! 😡

Arthur: (innocently) You said you couldn't bring breakfast.

Merlin: You know what I mean, you prat! We were supposed to be discret! Now everyone will know- (cuts himself, opening his eyes wide in realisation) And that's what you wanted. You did it on purpose! (gets off the bed furious despite the pain)

Arthur: (gets off the bed too) Merlin-

Merlin: (dressing himself with hard movements, furious) NO! You think this is funny? Letting them see me in your bed as if I was some harlot? Do you know how humiliating that is?

Arthur: I didn't think-

Merlin: Of course you didn't think! But you knew how important this plan was to me and you still didn't care. You trampled on my wishes as if they were worthless. As if I didn't matter (hurt emerges into his fury) How could you do that to me? (finishes to dress himself)

Arthur: (realising how much he fucked up, very sorry) You are right. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. (about to put a hand on his shoulder)

Merlin: Don't! (makes a move to go to the door)

Arthur: (puts himself infront of him) I'm really sorry!

Merlin: I don't want to hear it! (darts around him, but ends up tripping with a blanket and ends with his face on the floor) Stupid blanket! (his eyes glow and the blanket ends in little pieces)

Arthur: (swallows, thinking) Even his magic is angry, he must be really upset (aproaches carefully, kneeling before Merlin) It was never my intention to step over you and I hate myself for making you feel that way.

Merlin: (very hurt) Then why did you do it?!

Arthur: (sighs) I wasn't honest with you.. regarding your plan.

Merlin: ... What?

Arthur: I was never comfortable with it. It hurts to pretend that we are separated when that's not true. And you involved me in this plan before even consulting it with me first and then make me go along with it. You never once asked my opinion on the matter either. It made me feel like you care more about some rumors than me, as if our relationship was something to be embarrased of. And it is not! If anything, I'm proud to show you off, to let everyone know that I love you and you are mine.

Merlin: (calms down a bit, feeling bad, but still angry) You are right, that was selfish of me and I apologise if I made you upset, but what you did was not better. Is one thing to "show me off" and other to expose me naked in your bed after being intimate! And how dare you say I'm embarrased of us? Me trying to recover some of my dignity has nothing to do with that! If you were so against my plan you should have said something instead of making me look like an easy lay!

Arthur: (caressess Merlin's face) I know. I was childish and impulsive. I'm sorry. I'll never discard your wishes ever again. Relationship is a two-way street. If we are not okay with something we talk it out from now on. Alright? Will you forgive me? (offers Merlin a hand to help him stand up)

Merlin: (just stares at him, still frowning, resentful)

Arthur: I'll tell everyone I gave you a very big apology gift and that's why you forgave me.

Merlin: So now I'm not a cheap whore, but a expensive one.

Arthur: (desperate) Then tell me what to do to make you forgive me! Anything and I'll do it!

Merlin: (keeps staring at him, frowning)

Arthur: (begs) Please! I'm so so sorry. Tell me how to make it right. (holds Merlin's hands, pleading) Please.

Merlin: (sighs, giving in cause Arthur looks like he might cry if he is not forgiven and Merlin really doesn't like making Arthur this upset) My lily is lonely. I want another.

Arthur: (relieved) Sure!

Merlin: And I want it to be white.

Arthur: I'll get it for you right away. (hugs Merlin and gives him a kiss) Are we okay now?

Merlin: (thinking) I'm still angry and hurt that you put me in such a vulnerable position, but what's done is done. And I can see you are really sorry, why waste time fighting? (smiles, reassuring) Yes, we are okay.

Time skip. In Gaius' tower.

Merlin: (enters, limping)

Gaius: (worried) My boy! (grabs a little bottle and gives it to Merlin) Take this for the pain. Shouldn't you be resting?

Merlin blushes, very embarrased, because of course Gaius knows. Everyone in the castle knows. If the limp and guards catching him on Arthur's bed wasn't enough of a clue, all the visible bites Arthur left on his neck definitely are. Not even his neckerchief is able to hide all of them.

Merlin: Thank you. (drinks Gaius's potion for the pain) I can still help you around here as long as I don't have to move much. (grabs some herbs and jars with liquids and puts them on a table) It's the least I can do after losing your ingredients yesterday. (sits on a chair, wincing a bit)

Merlin frowns at the memory of Arthur and Gwaine's display from the day before (in which he lost his cest with all the ingredients he had collected). It's difficult to concieve a world where Arthur and Gwaine don't get along, let alone one when they hate each other to guts.

Merlin: (thinking, reassurring himself) They just have to stop acting like cave men and get to know each other. I'm sure they'll become friends again soon enough.

Gaius: You don't have to worry about the missing ingredients. Someone else brought them.

Merlin: (surprised) Really? Who?

Gwaine: (comes out from Merlin's old room) Me.

Merlin: (avoids his gaze, still angry at him for yesterday and starts to grind some herbs)

Gaius: Oh, Gwaine. What a surprise seeing you here. I thought you'll be at a tavern by now.

Gwaine: (to Gaius, but not getting his eyes off Merlin) Hungover.

Gaius: (shakes his head) I'll prepare you something for that. (about to that)

Servant: (enters) The King requests the presence of the physician inmediatly. Something about needing his concoction.

Gaius: (sighs) Of course. (turns to Merlin) Prepare Gwaine's medicine for the hungover, I'll tend the king. (leaves)

Merlin: (sighs, thinking) Perfect.

Gwaine: (walks around the table, grinning) So... Merlin, isn't it?

Merlin: (ignores him, smashing the herbs, still not looking at him)

Gwaine: I can help you with that if you want (about to grab a bowl)

Merlin: (puts the bowl away and keeps smashing in silence)

Gwaine: (notices Merlin's love bites on his neck, chuckles and decides to joke) The prince was eager to mark territory, it seems.

Merlin: I'll finish this in my room. (stands up, grabing his things)

Gwaine: No, wait! (stops him) Forgive me. It was a bad joke.

Merlin: (leaves the things on the table and crosses his arms) Is that the only thing you are sorry for?

Gwaine: I may have also crossed the line with your prince yesterday.

Merlin: And?

Gwaine: And I'm sorry.

Merlin: As you should. (sits again and continues to prepare Gwaine's medicine)

Gwaine: (sits besides him) I know we had a rocky start. Two rocky starts if we count the Lady Merelyn one. But I would really like to be your friend.

Merlin: (confused) Why? (thinking) We bonded before due to our similar pasts. He doesn't know about my father yet. Why does he...?

Gwaine: (grinning, amuzed) Are you kidding? You are the most interesting person I ever met! There's always people telling so many stories about you they even contradict each other. It's madness! But the kind of madness I like. And the little time I spent with you was explendid.

Merlin: You mean the bandit attack and your almost confrotation with Arthur?

Gwaine: What can I say? You are a magnet for trouble... and I love trouble. 😏

Merlin: (rolls his eyes, but can't help but smile)

Gwaine: So? (extends his hand) Friends?

Merlin: (thinking) I do miss his friendship... (says) Alright, but only with two conditions.

Gwaine: Isn't friendship supposed to be unconditional?

Merlin: (warns) Gwaine.

Gwaine: Fine, Fine. Tell me. What are the conditions?

Merlin: One, you'll stop talking bad about Arthur in my presence or his presence.

Gwaine: Noted. (thinking) I can still talk bad about him with Percival.

Merlin: Two, you'll never EVER bother Arthur again in any way. This means no insults, no fights and no fake flirting with me just to get on his nerves.

Gwaine: (nods) Understood. No insults, no fights-wait, did you say fake flirting? 😧

Merlin: (extends his hand) Do you accept the conditions?

Gwaine: (shakes Merlin's hand) I accept.

Meanwhile. Arthur and Lancelot in the woods.

Lancelot: I found some, Sire! (points some white lilies)

Arthur: (aproaches) Just now?

Lancelot: Yes. What a relief! After you told me how long your search for the purple lily was, I thought it would take longer.

Arthur: It did take longer.

Lancelot: (confused) Didn't you say it took you days for you to find the purple lily, Sire?

Arthur: The purple lily yes. But I came across those white lilies in the first two hours of my search.

Lancelot: ...

Arthur: And it took YOU three hours to find them. Honestly, Lancelot, I had more faith in your hability.

Lancelot: You already knew where they were.

Arthur: I did.

Lancelot: (catiously) Why did you ask for my help then, Sire?

Arthur: I wanted to speak with you privately.

Lancelot: About what, Sire?

Arthur: Well, It had come to my attention that you holded up some facts in your narration of the events regarding the bandit attack. Specifically some actions one of your new roommates did.

Lancelot: (thinking, nervous) Gwaine... the poor man. (says) Percival or Gwaine?

Arthur: You know who. Merlin told me Gwaine flirted with him and talked ill of me.

Lancelot: (sweating) Oh... that. 😅 (thinking) He's SO dead.

Arthur: He did not go into details though.

Lancelot: (thinking, in relief) Thank the gods!

Arthur: And that's why I'm asking you for said details.

Lancelot: (thinking) I talked too soon... (says) Pardon me, Sire?

Arthur: (with and icy calmness) What exactly did Gwaine tell Merlin?

Lancelot: I can't really remember, Sire.

Arthur: That's a lie. (pulls out a knife calmly) You have a great memory and you are more observant than anyone. That's how you could give my father a very detailed inform and how you discovered Merlin's magic so fast. So, I'll ask again. (plays with the knife in his hand) What did he say?

Lancelot: (trembling) S-sire 😰

Arthur: Why are you looking at me like that? This for the flowers. (passes Lancelot and starts cutting some leaves so the lilies are more visible) I don't want to ask again.

Lancelot: (swallows hard) I truly don't remember, Sire. I was a bit distracted. Gwen was there and... Well, you know, how love is.

Arthur: (gives an understanding smile) I do. You must love her a lot. I can't blame you.

Lancelot: (sighs in relief)

Arthur: (smiling sweetly) Now tell me the truth or I'll make sure you can't never marry her.

Lancelot: (thinking) Sorry, Merlin. I did try to save him. (says) Well... this is what I remember.

Time skip. Gawine and Percival walking around the Lower Town.

Gwaine: I spit it and I told him "Did you make it taste this bad on purpose?" and he said "No, that's how all Gaius' medicines taste". So I retorded "I rather have hangover that drink that shit again".

Percival: (laughs) You didn't even had a hangover. You were waiting for him.

Gwaine: (shrugs) I owned the guy an apology.

Percival: And since when do you apologise for anything?

Gwaine: (brings a hand to his chest dramatically) It offends me that you think of me that way. I'm a man that recognises his mistakes and knows how to apologize. I feel no shame in it.

Percival: I agree that you feel no shame for anything. (sighs) You finally have some genuine romantic feelings for someone. And of all people you could have chosen, it had to be the prince's lover.

Gwaine: (chuckles) I don't have "romantic feelings" for Merlin. He's fun to be with, is all.

Percival: Good. Because he is out of discussion. The prince will have you killed if you dare to try something.

Gwaine: Uuuh! Forbidden love 😏.

Percival: (warns) Gwaine.

Gwaine: I'm kidding! I'm not suicidal, I don't want to end up dead in an ally.

Percival: (stops to buy some vegetables)

Gwaine: Oh, I'll be over there (points somewhere). I need to... eh... take care of something.

Percival: Do not flirt with married women. 😒

Gwaine: That happened once! She wasn't wearing her ring and was not exactly rejecting me. How was I supposed to know she was married?

Percival: Nor some other prince's lover.

Gwaine: Again, once. (pats his back goodbye) I'll see you by the chickens. (leaves)

In some jewellery stand.

Seller: How can I help you?

Gwaine: Yeah... uhm... (pulls out a ring) I would like to sell a ring.

Meanwhile, in Merlin's chambers.

Merlin: (just lying in bed resting, not because he wanted to, but everyone insisted him to)

Lancelot: (enters suddendly) Merlin! Sorry for disturbing you, I know you are... erh... indisposed.

Merlin: Honestly Lancelot, it would surprise me if someone DIDN'T know I'm "indisposed".

Lancelot: But this is an emergency. Do you know where Gwaine is?

Merlin: He went with Percival to the Lower Town to buy some things, why?

Lancelot: Great. We have to go there. Now! (grabs Merlin wrist and drags him outside)

Merlin: Wha... wait, Lancelot! What's the emergency? What are we doing?

Lancelot: Saving a life!

Back with Gwaine in the jewellery stand.

Gwaine: Come on, man! I got it for more.

Seller: That's what I offer. Take it or leave it.

Gwaine: (accepts the money reluctantly) You Camelotians are such thieves.

Arthur: Says the one who wanted to steal my lover.

Gwaine: (startles and turns) Oh, the princess has arrived! (remembers his promise to Merlin and corrects himself) I mean, what brings his royal highness here?

Arthur: Why on earth are you in possession of a ring?

Gwaine: Men are allowed to have rings.

Arthur: It looks pretty feminine for you.

Gwaine: I have very... epecific taste.

Arthur: Sure, it had nothing to do with Lady Merelyn asking you for a ring if you wanted to be with her.

Gwaine: Look, I didn't know Lady Merelyn and Merlin were the same person at the time. As far as I knew, you had rejected her for him after what happened with the bandits and the only thing that could restore some of her honor was marrying someone.

Arthur: And you were so willing to do that sacrifice, weren't you? So eager to save a damisel in distress from a, how did you say?, a corrupt and debauchee prince.

Gwaine: How did you... It was Lancelot wasn't it! 😠 That telltale!

Arthur: No, he's good at keeping secrets. I'm just good at getting them out. I don't care what people say about me, let alone a nobody like you. What infuriates me is that you, did not only flirted with MY lover, but dare to tell him that I was playing with him, that I did not love him or took him seriously.

Gwaine: Again, as far as I knew, you had this lady as a misstress instead of as a wife, knowing that kind of relationship damages a woman's reputation. Anyone would think you were playing with her. If I knew she was actually a he I would have understood why you couldn't marry.

Arthur: And if it had been so, what? Are you always this honorable, defending the virtue of women unknown to you? No, you only did it because you wanted something with her. It wasn't out of the goodness of your heart. If you had any honorability or goodness in your heart at all, you wouldn't have filled Merlin with insecurities just to get your way!

Gwaine: (offended) I didn't fill Merlin with-

Arthur: (raising his voice) Tell me how telling someone their love does not really love them back, that they are just being played and will never have a serious comittement is not filling them with insecurities!

Gwaine: (actually feels bad) I... didn't think of it that way.

Arthur: Of course you didn't.

Gwaine: (impatient and annoyed) Look, I'm sorry, alright? I spoke out of turn, now I know you love Merlin genuinely and I won't question it or your relationship with him ever again. So go back to your big castle and do whatever is that you royals do. (makes a move to leave)

Arthur: (steps infront of him, not letting him pass) I believe we have something pending. (throws a glove to the ground) Pick it up.

Gwaine: ... What?

Arthur: You said you wanted to fight me, to see how skilled I was, so... (points the glove) pick it up.

Gwaine: (laughs) I won't pick up your fucking glove.

Arthur: By the knight code, you have to pick it up. So… Pick. It. Up.

Gwaine: No.

Arthur: Why not then?

Arthur: (smirks) Why? Scared?

Gwaine: Believe me, I have no shortage of desire.

Gwaine: One, because I promise Merlin I wouldn't fight you. And do want to keep being his friend, you see.

Arthur: (sarcastic smile) How sweet.

Gwaine: Two, I have no obligation. I'm no knight.

Arthur: Oh... you are right. There's no need of this. (punches Gwaine in the face)

Gwaine: (falls to the ground and brings a hand to his face in pain) You motherf- 😡

Arthur: I heard bar fights were more your style! (gestures him to stand up with his hands) Come on!

Gwaine: (stands up, angry) You asked for this.

Meanwhile, Percival by the chickens.

Percival: (being waiting for about half an hour, says to himself) Where is him? (hears people making commotion) What's happening there?

Little kid: (from afar) Mom, mom! They are fighting!

Mom: Stay away sweetie!

Percival: A fight? (an horrible thought comes to his mind and runs there, praying) Please let it not be him, please let it not be him. (gets there and spots Gwaine) It's him... 🤦‍♂️. (praying again) Please let the other not be a nobel, please let the other not be a noble. (recognises Arthur) That's the prince! 😨

Arthur and Gwaine: (beating the shit out of each other furiously, both bleeding from their recent injuries)

Percival: (very worried, runs to intervene)

Knight y: (who is patrolling there, stops him) What do you think you are doing?

Percival: I'm the one who should be asking! 😠 Isn't your work to prevent unrest from happening?

Knight y: Normally I would put an end to it, but this is the prince. We can't intervene. Is against the law.

Percival: What kind of law is that?! You are supposed to be protecting your prince!

Knight y: It was his wish to fight. I can't go against his wishes.

Percival: Well, I don't care. My friend is there. (makes a move to go to Gwaine's aid)

Knight y: (stops him again) I'm sorry, but we can't let you intervene.

Percival: We? (looks around and spots more patrolling knights) You have to be kidding me... What if my friend fatally injures your prince? Haven't you thought about that?

Knight y: We kill him before he does.

Percival: ... What? 😰

Knight y: It's the law.

Percival: And... if your prince fatally injures my friend? Will you stop him too?

Knight y: (shakes his head) He's the prince.

Percival: (thinking) Now I understand why Gwaine hates nobelty so much. (tries to pass the knights anyway)

Knights: (point Percival with their swords)

Knight y: Trust me it will be worst if you intervene. You won't only get your friend killed but yourself too.

Percival: (begs) Please, you can't let this happen! There must be a way to stop them!

Knight y: (thoughtful) Well, I think there is a way...

Knight x: (scolds) Alynor!

Percival: (desparate) How?

Knight y: The prince always listens to his manservant.

Percival: Merlin! Of course. Where is him?

Knight x: In the castle, resting. I heard he is... "indisposed".

Knights: (laugh)

Percival: (leaves running)

Knight x: (shouting) It's quite far! You won't get him in time! (sighs, to Knight y) 15 silver coins that he won't make it.

Knight y: Make it 20.

Some other part of the Lower Town.

Merlin: (still being dragged by Lancelot, sore and exhausted) Lancelot, please. We've been walking for hours. I'm tired.

Lancelot: (notices Merlin in pain and lets go of him, feeling bad) I'm sorry. I had a feeling that... (thinking) That Arthur would commit murder. (says) Forget it, I'm just being paranoid. Forgive me. I'll carry you back to the castle if you like.

Merlin: (chuckles softly) I would say no, but I really can't take one more step.

Percival: (crosses pat with them) Merlin! Thank the Gods! You have to come with me! (grabs Merlin's wrist)

Lancelot: (stops Percival) Wait, wait, wait! Where are you taking him?

Percival: The prince and Gwaine are fighting!

Merlin: WHAT?! 😨

Lancelot: (thinking) I hate being right... 😔

Percival: (starts dragging Merlin)

Merlin: (trips) Ow! (frees himself from Percival's hold, angry) Stop dragging me like some rag doll! 😡 I can walk on my own! (walks on his own, but he's too in pain to walk fast enough and he's limping) Those stupid idiots-Ow!

Percival: (Impatient) There's no time! (Picks Merlin up in his arms quickly and runs)

Merlin: AAAAAAH! 😱

Lancelot: (runs after them)

Meanwhile, with Arthur and Gwaine.

Arthur: (kicks Gwaine hard)

Gwaine: (falls on his back in the ground) Argh!

Arthur: (approaches to help him stand up, cause it's still dishonorable to fight a man when he is not in a position to defend himself)

Gwaine: (thinking Arthur was approaching to beat him on the ground, kicks in the air to protect himself, but ends up kicking Arthur in the crotch by accident)

Arthur: (bends over in pain, his voice a scale higher) Ow! You son of a bitch!

Gwaine: (laughs his ass off, while he stands up) This was not my intention, but oh gods! (keeps laughing) I hope you are not planning to have offspring soon.

Arthur: (still bending over, catching his breath) Shut up!

Gwaine: (joking) On the bright side, maybe now I do have a chance with Merlin.

Arthur: (straights up again, a murderous look on his face)

Gwaine: (thinking) Me and my big mouth...

Arthur: (lunges at Gwaine in full rage)

Meanwhile, Percival finally arrives with Merlin in arms and Lancelot by his side.

Percival: (puts Merlin on the ground gently)

Knight y: (To Knight x) Ha! He's here. Pay me.

Knight x: (reluctantly pays him)

Merlin: (serious) Where is him?

Knights: (point in the direction of the fight)

Merlin: (walks as fast as he can there)

Knights: (step away to let him pass)

Percival: Sure, you can't let a broad man stop the fight, but the defenseless scrawny manservant that can barely stand on his feet is more than capable.

Lancelot: (to the knights) We are his friends. Let us pass.

Knights: (look doubtfully)

Lancelot: He may need reinforces. The prince won't forgive you if he gets injured.

Knights: (step aside)

Lancelot: (to Percival) Hurry!

Lancelot and Percival: (run)

Back to the fight.

Arthur: (on top of Gwaine, choking him on the ground with his hands)

Gwaine: (trying to push him away, in barely a whisper) I yield! I yield! You proved your point. Pleas... (can't pronounce a word anymore, trashes harder, he can't breath)

Arthur: (thinking, eyes cold) 278.

Gwaine: (his movements weaken, face almost purple)

Merlin: (screams) Stop! You are going to kill him!

Arthur: (lifts his head and gets off Gwaine, like getting out of a trance) Merlin?

Gwaine: (Takes a deep breath and coughs, his hands on his neck)

Percival: Gwaine! (kneels to check him, worried)

Merlin: (furious) What is the meaning of this?!

Arthur and Gwaine: (pointing at the other, Arthur in a loud voice and Gwaine in a hoarse voice) He started!

Merlin: (yelling) I don't care who started it! You are ending it. Now! (to the people who is around in a circle) What are you looking at? GO!

People gathered around: (disperse)

Merlin: (turns to Gwaine and Arthur, dead serious) We are going to Gaius now and I don't want to hear a single word from you until we are there. Do I make myself clear?

Arthur: Merl-

Gwaine: But he-

Merlin: (raises his voice) I said, do I make myself clear? 😠

Arthur and Gwaine: (nod effusively)

Merlin: (sighs, tired, and turns to Percival) Percival, help Gwaine. (to the knights) You, help your prince. (turns to Lancelot) Lancelot, carry me on your back.

Arthur: Why is Lancelot carrying you on his back? 😠

Merlin: BECAUSE I'M INDISPOSED! 😡 And you are not exactly fit to carry me right now.

Arthur: (tries to stand up) Of course I-Ow! (winces in pain)

Merlin: That's what I thought.

Arthur: (opens his mouth to protest)

Merlin: Not another word! (to the others) What are you waiting for?!

Everyone present: (hurry to do what Merlin said)

Percival: (whispers to Lancelot) I take back what I said about him being defenseless, he is scary.

Lancelot: (whispers back, smiling) You'll learn soon enough Merlin is not what everyone sees.

...

Arthur after his fight with Gwaine:

This Arthur is so full of red flags I swear xD

Any idea of what is going to happen next?

Tagging @aceauthorcatqueen , @fallenxjas , @smileytrinity , @lucifertookmyshoe @an-entity-i-think , @thecornerofbelu , @griffonskies , @odinjm , @cinnabon-sweetroll-tiramisu , @thelady-mary , @bennedict , @nightninjaboy , @st8-of-grace , @starrieisdelusional , @error-username-not-available , @dogberryrowan , @jamieweasley13 , @tansyuduri , @tercais , @robynnemrys , @evadne01 , @serasvictoria02 , @hairdryerducks , @curiously-lazy , @harriettesthings , @andrealux16 , @wacko-weirdo , @greatdonutenemy , @yougottobekittenme , @anxiousosaurus , @kinkforwings , @someweirdassnamee , @impracticalantlers , @miyriu , @hobipabo , @whitemaskcd , @bogslob , @braziiis , @rubinaitoart , @thebigoblin , @toomanyfanficsbruh , @farmboyprince , @nonsensefunsense , @slightly-psycho-multifan , @jxmimac , @anarchelsworld , @beepbeep-yeah , @faithiikins , @the-moons-undying-light

[l0relaii]

LORELAIIIII!!! i crave experienced!josh w/ inexperienced!reader so bad... like the way he would fuck you though it and be so kind to you and so sweet and do everything you ask. HE DEFINITELY IS A MUNCH OML

sam omg?? i love this idea sm!! <33

in my head josh is either a virgin or he fucked a lot of people. A LOT

either nothing or a concerning amount there's no middle ground 😔

and when he finds out that you're inexperienced he's more than glad to teach you everything he knows :D

he'd take it easy with you when you first start dating, only some gentle kisses and touches that eventually turn into make out sessions

and during one of those make out sessions you suddenly blurt out between kisses while on top of him

"i think i'm ready-"

"hmm? ready for what?"

"you know.. to do.. it.."

"it? you're gonna have to be more specific baby"

he's teasing you, you know that, you can see it in the sly smirk on his face

"oh quit teasing me josh, you know exactly what i mean"

"you want me to fuck you pretty girl?''

"...yes"

"yes what?"

"..yes..please-"

"now that's my girl.."

you can feel his hard cock under you, have been feeling it for a good amount of time now poking at you through his jeans

"should i uhh- lay down or something?"

"mm no, why don't you stay right here on top of me? that way you can control everything babe"

"oh, okay-"

he can see how nervous you are, how often you bite your lip anxiously and how you grip his shoulders when his hands caress your skin under your shirt

he begins undressing the both of you until you're both left in your underwear. he leans over the bed getting something from his nightstand.

when he opens his palm bringing it towards you, you see what it is. a condom.

"need any help with this?"

"i think i got it.."

you take it from his hand reluctantly and stare down at the proeminent bulge in his boxers, a damp spot forming where his tip supposedly is

his hands unclasp your bra taking it off before admiring you his lips slightly parted in admiration

"you're so beautiful baby.."

you don't respond though, too caught up in your own thoughts. what if this was a bad idea?

he finally takes off his boxers and your eyes widen at the sight. it's.. big.. bigger than you expected

"will it uhh.. hurt?"

"if we don't get you ready before, probably"

"oh, get me ready, yeah that makes sense.. how.. how will you do that?"

"i dunno baby, what d'you prefer? my fingers? my tongue?"

oh, oh-

"you really wanna do that?"

"why wouldn't i?"

"i thought guys don't really like doing that-"

"i want you to enjoy yourself too"

his hand cups your pussy through your soaked underwear and his fingers sneak under the material rubbing through your folds

you gasp a bit feeling his cold touch on your hot skin and you lean on his chest letting his fingers thrust up into you

he coos soft praises into your neck while stretching you out and your hand mindlessly wraps around his length pumping him slowly

"good girl.. just like that honey.."

you fidget with the forgotten condom wrapper in your hand until you manage to pry it open

with shaky hands you put it on him hearing a soft hiss escape his lips

"you ready baby..?"

"umm yeah, i think i am"

"good.. you're on top, you control everything, okay? go however fast or slow you want to"

he holds his cock upright while you lift yourself a bit to position him at your entrance

once you sink down on him all the way you close your eyes concentrating on how he feels inside you. you don't see it but he does the same thing

after you get used to the feeling of being so full you begin moving slowly bouncing up and down in his lap

he's so gentle, not at all what you expected from what you heard about him when you first started dating

his hands grip your hips, not to hurry you but to comfort you, his thumbs rubbing soft circles into your skin

he looks at you with such adoration uttering hushed praises to you between breathy whimpers

"ca-ahh can you uh- rub my cl-"

you don't even get to finish your sentence because he immediately starts moving his thumb across your puffy nub

all while encouraging you to continue your movements until you cum around him with a drawn out moan of his name

ohh and the aftercare??

jesus he's the sweetest. he cleans you up, offers to watch a movie with you while cuddling, he brings you snacks, water whatever you need 🫠

[meraki-yao]

Poppy Playtime Chapter 4 Thoughts (Spoilers!)

Who stayed up till 1:30 am trembling in her blanket and continued to do so the whole morning for the new Poppy Playtime Chapter? Me!

So here are my thoughts and a few theories before the freshness washes off

(also disclaimer, I didn't actually play the game because I am by no means a gamer and way too much of a scaredy-cat to actually play it, this is based on the play-throughs I watched)

Thoughts

Monsters/Bosses:

Yarnaby:

Big kitty. Seriously though I feel like he's kind of standard for a poppy mid-level boss.

Pianosaurus:

Now some say that he was wasted but honestly I don't think so? All things considered I don't think he was hyped up all that much: he had one distorted image in the ARG and one jingle with not much actual information on the bigger-body. So truthfully speaking, I think the twist of having him be so quickly and suddenly destroyed by Doey was really successful, I for sure did not see it coming at all.

Nightmare Critters:

Okay as someone who really grew to love the smiling critters, the nightmare critters' very concept confused me. Like I don't dislike it, I'm just confused, like what is the in-game reason for their existence? I really think they wanted to reuse the mini-smiling critters concept from chapter three, but since the smiling critters in Chapter 4 are children refugees in Safe Haven, to make a distinction they created the nightmare critters. Defintiely annoying little pests though, which means they're fulfilling their purpose quite well.

The Doctor:

I was wondering if they were gonna re-use the weeping angels mechanism from Miss Delight because when I watched the trailer I couldn't think of anything else, but turns out they're traffic light systems but reverse: yellow means the minion is going to move, and red means it is moving. The VA acting is absolutely on point, so all the applause to Baldwin, but game play wise I... honestly feel it's a little underwhelming? It's all very confusing and a lot of brute forcing, and truthfully speaking to have this villain that was built up for so long, second to the prototype get destroy fairly quickly, felt... too easy for such a horrendous character. I still don't understand with what intention is he and prototype collaborating. I also feel like the stuff in the ARG about Sawyer's backstory didn't really pay off?

Doey:

OH GODS I CRIED SO MUCH I COULD WRITE A WHOLE POST ABOUT DOEY ALONE. I knew he was gonna be a twist/final boss in someway just because of how he was marketed, but oh my God, I wasn't prepared for how tragic this was. I think it is the oldest sister/eldest daughter in me, seeing Doey try so damn hard to be a leader to wayward children, trying so hard to manage and protect everyone, that's something I understand and sympathise with. The oldest part of him was only 15 when the hour of joy happened! The tape of him talking to himself, giving himself a reminder to keep holding on and protecting kids, God that broke my heart. I was sobbing and muttering "it's okay... you did great... you can rest now... you can go see your mommy and daddy and friends now" when he died.

I think the two facts that make this even more tragic is that the other completely sympathetic character, Dog Day (still my favourite best boi), bad things was inflicted on him. Even Dog Day as a boss, that wasn't his choice, he didn't have one. Doey on the other hand, it was self-inflicted: I can't say him going beserk was a choice per se, emotions are complicated, but he was the responsible one. This pain was self-inflicted, and unlike Dog Day, could have been avoided.

Which brings me to my second point: for Doey (so I have to emphasise, this is in NO WAY a comment on actual DID systems, and boy do I have thoughts on that), in one of the VHS tape, the scientist remarked that one of the kids that made him up: Kevin Barnes, was erratic and aggressive, and could pose a danger if included in the experiment. He ended up being included because Sawyer demanded it and "The Doctor's word is law". This means if Kevin wasn't included in Doey, if it was just Jack and Matthew, then Doey wouldn't have that insane breakdown. He would be sad, he would feel guilty, yes, but all of those are the average human emotions experienced in a situation like this, and it wouldn't have been so destructive. HE COULD HAVE SURVIVED. In his insane monster form, we can literally see the three kids in the monster's mouth, two of them frowning and one of them angry, the two sad kids trying to hold the mad one back. THIS COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED.

Anyways, I love the guy. I'll be drawing and mourning him. Sleep well buddy, you can rest now.

Plot and Lore:

Riley made me cry so much too. God, what a kid, trying to help, even a single soul till the very, very end. Sleep well kiddo. You did so well, and you're with your mom and dad now.

Also the way she described being turnd into a bigger-body, I wanted to throw up. Props to the writers for doing such a good job on that.

Oh the excited shout I let out when I saw the tape with Bigger Bodies Hoppy! So we know that there are more Bigger Bodies Smiling Critters that survived past the experiments and the hour of joy. But then I remembered that Dog Day said he was the last of the smiling critters and got sad, whoever Hoppy is, at this point in the story, she's gone :(

The omni-hand confuses me storywise: it's just a keycard equivalent?

Kissy Missy!!!! (that's it, I just love her)

I called three things: Poppy being Elliot's daughter, Ollie being the prototype, and Huggy still being alive. Granted a lot of people called it too, these are just the theories I believed in that turned out to be true

THERE ARE SO MANY DEAD BODIES AND EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM WAS A CHILD BEFORE I WANT TO SCREAM ABOUT THIS THIS IS AWFUL

The player is shaking in idle. That is some details. Also this person is gonna be triple traumatised.

I don't think Poppy is evil per se, but I think she is very selfish and self-centred, in the sense that she believes that she is the one with all the answers. I wonder how much did Elliot Ludwig spoil her. Also, bitch, she ditched us again.

Theories and Questions

In the Hoppy VHS, she mentioned she got jumped while trying to get supplies: jumped by what and who?

What the hell is the deal with Stella Greyber's change of heart in joining the executives on the bigger-bodies initiatives? Her change of heart is so sudden and so illogical?

It's one thing for Poppy to believe in Ollie. But Doey knowing and believing in Ollie too? How many people did he fool?

Also given that Ollie is the prototype, was his "HE'S OUTSIDE" that led to Doey going out and leaving safe haven a distraction?

I think the prototype is also an amalgamation, and one of the identities is Elliot Ludwig. It's final speech to Poppy, telling her to "come home" sound pretty in line with an evil father figure, and my sister pointed out if you removed the "T", "Elliot" is an anagram for "Ollie".

What is the prototypes agenda at this point? It's willing to collaborate with the doctor, the very person that started all this hellfire. It doesn't care about the children's lives seeing as he bombed Safe Haven, killing everyone inside. It's whole "burn it all down" idea actually echoes Poppy's agenda, but Poppy sounds genuinely shocked and scared to learn that Ollie is the prototype. What the hell is going on?

Who is Kissy? The bigger-body Kissy Missy that's been our companion for the past two chapters. Game Theory had their theory that it was Patty Hall, but I'm... starting to think it was Stella? We don't know Kissy's experiment number, and I don't think we have any info on Stella's status during the hour of joy, so it's not impossible. It's just... their... attitudes, for a lack of better words, seem to align.

Leith Pierre is out there somewhere, we know he survived since he's in project playtime, but where the hell is he now? He is a bigger player in this scheme than he lets one. I don't believe he's not gonna make an appearance in the future.

What the hell is Rich's deal? So turns out he's one of the more likeable higher-ups? And he's the head of shipping? What is up with his change in attitude from moody aggressive guy to the dad friend/supervisor?

There's this one mystery from Chapter two that still hasn't been solved: there were slides with plates of each department's head's name and one was missing: we still don't know who that could be.

I truly think at the very least for this storyline, the next chapter is the last. The doctor was the second greatest villain and now he's dead. Additionally, we came into direct contact with the prototype, so from a storytelling perspective, the next chapter has to be the last stand. I don't believe this will be the end of the poppy playtime universe though.

Conclusion/Overall Comment on the Chapter:

I liked the chapter, but I think the problem is that unlike the previous chapters that felt like a constant overall upgrade, this one didn't feel like an improvement (but nor it did feel like a downgrade though). There are aspects of the chapter that definitely improved from that last: the graphics, the gameplay mechanics, the gore making people immediately physically uneasy, and characterisation of both major and minor characters, making us immediately love or hate them in a very short time. But the pacing really felt less enjoyable compared to the last chapter, same with the boss battles. It felt like it dragged too much then rushed too much. The pros and cons kinda cancel each other out, leadings to a net zero.

My favourite is still Chapter three, but I'll give this one a 7.5/10.

[littlemissshifter]

ummm idk how to explain this without sounding like a total debbie downer but the rise of fascism in the world really makes me doubt shifting for some reason like. why am i even here in such a shit fuck ass reality. does that make sense 😭 like maybe it’s just the fact that these situations make me feel out of control and hopeless like wdym there’s shit like human trafficking and nazis and genocide what the fuck.

idk what to do anymore and it scares me. it feels like my affirming isn’t enough and shifting is fake or something and i’m just dissociating from reality or something to cope with events happening in my country. 😵���💫

hi! This is really important to talk about and thank you for bringing it up.

A lot of people can feel hopeless and lost with what's going around the world as a whole. We need to realise that these things exist and they exist in every reality. Not particularly the topics mentioned above, but the good and the bad. If even one or the other did not exist, there is negative in too much positive (eg being self sacrificial in the name of being kind) and positive in too much negative (people realising things need to change and stepping up to be the change they want in society).

I'm not saying these things should exist no matter what. I'm saying is that the good and the bad will exist anyways. Because the universe is all about balance and one without the other is non-existent.

You cannot change the ways of the world. But, you can change the ways of your world. Your reality.

Even if we all exist on this earth right now, we live in different realities. You're not only existing in this reality but in many others. The thing is you're only aware of existing in this reality. You can change that anytime. It is common to worry about the world, of how things are and what you want to do to stop it. You can do that as it is also the part of your reality. The world you look at is your reality. Now, you did not create 'this' whole reality. It existed before you were aware of it. Collective human consciousness created it.

You were 'born' or exist in this reality because you were shaped by it's beliefs. You played a part in it too. You were unaware then.

But, now you're aware. You can choose anything and decide it in your world. It will become true as reality is you. The only way to help the world as a collective is to help ourselves rise and become more. Become what we are truly as humans which is more than any physical event that has happened or is or will be happening in the 3D. This does not mean to stop helping people. But we need to help ourselves too by rising above the conditioning of the 'matrix' and knowing what we're capable of.

Again I'll say, let whoever runs the world run it, you just have to run yours.

[soulstagger]

A little personal

Last night was not a great night for me, both with just usual lingering insecurity you might get from social media, and some worldly woes about the state of things and how plans for a trip into the us later in the year might be upended by a weak Canadian dollar.

Those all paled in comparison to a realization last night that, all my family are out of town for a month or two as usual this time of year. But for the first time instead of me being alone with a little family nearby, I am entirely alone. Because in the Years prior my grandparents were always around and I always had someone to talk to, my grandparents were the two who understood me the most in the world.

A few years prior my grandma passed away and then finally last year my grandfather did, and it just hit me last night that I really was that alone. But such a thing is so heavy that to put that on people randomly would he unfair. Something that is kind of reserved for best friends but even then it's not like they could do anything, it was just a night of such crushing extreme sadness but I tried to just push it all away.

In the end I am not that good at that, the kindness people showed in seeing even a small post of mine I tried to balance between welcoming it and ensuring that no one dug too deep because I just wasn't in a state to do so.

That resulted in some lapse of judgment where I opened up a little and then promptly slammed the door on people's faces because I got terrified.

Even worse I hurt people from it, people who probably didn't know how bad things were and the following conversations late at night probably didn't help because I was in such a mess and I couldn't even address everything they were worried about.

Even now this morning I don't think I'm any better, I miss my grandparents, I feel alone and isolated, and I feel again that sharing and being weak isn't allowed from me. I say this all because I just want anyone to know last night I'm sorry if I was purposely dismissive of your support, sorry if I chose the wrong words, I didn't mean any of it.

I don't want my problems to become anyone else's problems, that's why I try never to share things. But I'm weak and even I want people to care, I want someone to care about me but only so much because I'm just too afraid to let anyone in that far.

So I apologize for last night. I hope this grants some insight to people as to why it was hard for me to talk to you and perhaps why some of the push back on my responses simply put me in a position where I could not help you back.

I'm sorry for letting you down.

I'll try to be better.

[a-most-beloved-fool]

btw i DID manage to actually start watching voyager in preparation for threshold day and i have some thoughts on the first episode i'd like to share

-the first two minutes were very star wars. i was amused. scrolling synopsis leading STRAIGHT into space warfare?? which massive sci-fi franchise am i in again??

-i enjoyed getting introduced to crew members i knew were going to instantly die. hello first officer and doctor who i will never see again!

-noooo janeway won't get to see her puppies!!!!

-humongous fan of what appears to be an instant ride-or-die friendship between Harry Kim and Tom Paris

-i think it's fun that neelix (and the the kazon?) don't seem to have beaming technology and are very impressed by it. i hope that's a running theme.

-DON'T like how we're getting b'elanna blaming her "klingon half" for things RIGHT off the bat. GIRL YOU'RE MIXED. YOU'RE ONE UNIQUE THING. DON'T DEMONIZE HALF YOUR HERITAGE. also like frankly she's trapped in a strange place with a stranger (who was very recently and may still be an enemy) while suddenly dying of a mysterious illness so i think her reaction is perfectly understandable

-poor tuvok, it's only episode one and already you're going thru it (having to go fetch neelix out of a bath and hold up a towel for him as he emerges naked)

-i've seen clips from voy before but apparently never heard kes's voice and for some reason it wasn't what i expected. i don't quite know what i was expecting though it just didn't feel quite right.

-neelix did you like. need to shoot those water containers, or was that just an extra "fuck you" to those guys? i mean i understand if it was. they did apparently beat kes up. but.

-tom you seem a little too invested in chakotay's life being "yours" what's with that

-but also oof augh more racism TOM. TOM YOU CAN'T BE SAYING THAT. TOM.

-enjoying the vibe of everyone being like "finally! a doctor i'm ALLOWED to ignore!" with regards to the emh. just turn him off! walk out on him! what can he do? complain? not til u turn him back on!

-fascinated by how quickly chakotay went from being like "i am an enemy to starfleet" to being like "she's the captain🥰😍🥰" like man aren't you supposed to have fundamental ideological differences or some shit. are you just janeway's bestie now or are we ever gonna address that. remains to be seen!

-i would be VERY surprised if all the maquis are just Fine with suddenly being starfleet though. you just unilaterally made everyone starfleet?? you've been FIGHTING THEM! i hope someone gets angry about that, at least. i'm assuming this will come up in future episodes?

-i liked janeway's ending speech <3 hell yeah

anyways i had fun <3

i've been meaning to start voyager for Ages but in spite of having a blog dedicated to a tv show i am comically bad at actually Watching Things (so i definitely don't promise a voyager liveblog lmao. you'd be risking like. three months between episodes at times.) but i finally started it!! exciting.

[sysig]

Growing closer than expected (Patreon)

[outlying-hyppocrate]

well. did you fucking miss me.

[wayfinderships]

The Snow yearning is so strong tonight

[pigeonclaw]

the amount of times I have potentially controversial opinions that I type up and then save in my drafts forever because I still feel them but am too shy and afraid to choose violence in any way

[cathodic-clairvoyant]

There's a lot about discussion of hdwr that baffles me (not all discussion to be clear, because i do think there's a lot of good discussion about hdwr. But equally so are there the ones that make you wonder if you're reading the same story) and I think one that is especially annoying is the constant infantilization of miwa as this passive eternal victim. It drives me up a wall because this is quite literally an issue she's struggled with within the text of the story! She had an arc about how she dislikes how people treat her this way like towards the beginning of the story! And like even ignoring that, this story is about like nuanced and realistic portrayals of being in relationships and learning how to navigate them and so it's like what's the point if you're going to immediately reduce the characters to "the victim" and "the victimizers?" Is that even interesting? Is that a useful lens to look at interpersonal relationships?

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible

[vel17]

[seventh-district]

not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)