#always trying to be present with my animals and deeply love every second

[intriga-hounds]

i mean i just think it’s special when puppies get u up at 2am and 6am to potty and ur genuinely and unironically like :) i love that i get to do this!!!

[jaywonjuice]

📄🖇️— him meeting your family ~ p.js

pairing bf!jay x gn reader

genre fluff, oneshot

request: “hii! i was wondering if i could request a drabble/scenario for jay pls? :) i’m a sucker for fluff so maybe something like taking him to meet your family for the first time at a family reunion? and then he’s getting along so well with the baby cousins and the family loves him :’) i’m in my jay era rn and this scenario would make my whole week! no rush tho!! i love your works so far btw, and i can’t wait to follow you on this journey of growing your library! <3 xx”

warnings sfw intimacy, kissing

wc 655

‘aren’t i the one who’s supposed to be feeling nervous about this?’ said jay with a wry smile, keeping his eyes fixed on the road ahead. you glanced over at him, taking in his calm expression and marvelling at his ability to remain so composed given the circumstances. you, on the other hand, couldn’t help yourself from fidgeting restlessly in the passenger seat. jay placed a hand on your knee gently to still it.

‘love, it’s going to be fine, i promise,’ he shot you a reassuring smile, which you attempted to return weakly. ‘mums always love me anyway,’ he added with a wink, hoping to get you to laugh, but right now you were too preoccupied to play along.

‘yeah, it’s just…’ you chewed at your thumbnail, staring out the window. ‘i don’t know. i’ve never brought a boyfriend back home before. like, ever. and the whole family is going to be there.’ you sighed, slumping against the headrest.

jay smiled. ‘try not to worry. i promise it’s going to be fine. i for one am looking forward to meeting your folks.’ he reached for your hand and gave it a small squeeze.

.❦.

once you arrived at your parents’ place, you weren’t even sure what you had been worrying about the whole time. as expected, jay had been a gentleman from the moment he stepped through the door, shaking your father’s hand, and greeting your mother politely before passing her the bottle of wine he’d brought up with him. he had charmed every last one of your aunts, who looked on impressed as he helped to lay the table and plate up lunch. your teenage cousins had giggled and whispered to each other behind their hands, eyes darting over at him all throughout the meal.

after he’d finished helping clear up all the dishes, he finally came to join you in the family room. it took all of thirty seconds for him to spot the cabinet of baby pictures and trinkets that sat on the mantelpiece, and he approached eagerly to watch you grow up through photographs.

‘this one was when we visited the states - lord, going on twelve years ago now,’ your dad passed a small wooden picture frame over to jay. ‘wasn’t (s)he cute, eh?’

jay nodded, smiling. ‘very,’

later in the evening, you’d watched from the sofa as he sat on the rug with your little cousin, who was enthusiastically presenting jay with all of her new toys. he received each one with interest, his face animated, eyes widening and giving little gasps as she explained them all to him in great detail. the way he smiled sweetly down at her made your heart ache just a little. when she had finally shown jay every last little stuffed animal, she turned to him, all of a sudden looking very serious.

‘are you and y/n in love??’ she demanded abruptly.

jay gave a little laugh, tousling her hair affectionately. then he looked up at you, softly. ‘yeah. we are,’ he replied.

.❦.

it felt oddly comforting to be back in your childhood bedroom again with jay by your side, the glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling providing a small fluorescent glow in the otherwise complete darkness. you rested your head again his chest and sighed deeply. the long day of travelling and socialising had taken it out of you both completely; you were exhausted.

‘your family are nice,’ jay mumbled after a while.

‘yeah,’ you said quietly. ‘they think you’re nice,’ you added. ‘i think you’re nice,’ you told him on top of that, wrapping your arms around his waist snugly and hugging him to you.

‘is that so?’ you could hear the smile in his voice.

‘yeah,’ you nuzzled into his chest. ‘the nicest.’

.❦.

the following morning, the two of you stood by the front door saying your goodbyes to your parents. as jay hugged your mother farewell, your dad gave you a kiss on the cheek, before nodding over at jay. ‘he’s a keeper, this one,’ he winked.

jay held your hand all the way from the door to the car, where he opened up the passenger side for you, but before you could get in, he pulled you close to him suddenly, catching you so off guard that you blushed furiously.

‘i love you,’ he said quietly, his nose brushing your own. you moved to say it back, but his lips were pressed to yours before you’d even got the chance.

a/n literally what a dream request ty anon !! i could go on abt domestic jay all day every day forever until my lungs give out he’s so husband bye ㅠㅠ

TAGLIST ೃ⁀➷ @thejakeslayla @shawnyle

©jaywonjuice | do not copy or re-upload my work on any platform

[thenanamisimp]

Danmei and MXTX novels

Would you look at that, another post that's not about anime? WILD. It is about MXTX novels though so the hyperfixations continue. I'm actually in the process of planning a very lengthy analysis of all three of her series but this is a warning, don't expect too much. I was never good at those in school plus it's been almost 7 years since I've last written something like that but I feel so passionate about her works that I really wanna try to share what I thought about the novels. Nevertheless, this isn't actually those analysis posts since those are gonna be separate and will probably be written after I re-read each series. However, since I'm actually finally fully done reading all her series - including the extra side chapters - I wanted to quickly share some of my opinions and how I feel after finishing all 18 of the books.

This goes without saying but just in case - SPOILER WARNING for Heaven Official's Blessing, The grandmaster of demonic cultivation and The scum villain's self saving system novels.

First off, if you haven't read any of MXTX's work before, prepare for trauma and tragedy. Most of her characters are either deeply traumatised already or in the process of. I will always encourage people to read content warnings before reading her books.

Starting off with my favourite - TGCF or Tian Guan Ci Fu (aka Heaven Official's Blessing). This story means a lot to me. I got introduced to TGCF through the donghua before I even knew it was queer fiction and even with censorship, the closet is made of fucking GLASS so I had to look for the source material. Honestly it took me a while to commit to reading the whole series as I've been struggling to pick up books for years now but TGCF actually got me back into reading (I think in total it took me about 8 days to read all 8 volumes). More than just the story telling being good, I got so incredibly attached to every single character (except Jun Wu, he can eat shit - tho the fact I'm even saying this speaks volumes about how well MXTX can write characters. It takes a lot for me to hate a character this much).

Taking place in a beautiful fantasy world, we follow Xie Lian and Hua Cheng through tragic traumatic past and present and we learn of the horrible truths about the lives of immortal beings. We also see two idiots in love take their sweet ass time to confess. I love me a good slow burn full of longing and pining. I eat that shit UP every time and MXTX gave it to me with every single one of her series.

TGCF for me was a journey full of kicking my feet at fluff, second hand embarrassment (because xl I stg, what do you MEAN you were taught how to resist the advances of women but not how to resist hot men you gay lil shit the closet is made of glass) and honestly, lots of crying. The hundred stabs incident, ruoye's creation and hcg's last death made me sob and scream (no exaggeration, I was stomping around my room, crying and yelling GIVE HIM BACK RIGHT NOW).

Also, in a not so unpopular opinion (I think?), Pei Ming is my fave because 1) he's the no.1 Hualian shipper - check the whole Mt Tunglu adventure for proof and also 2) he's just a lil slut with a big heart. I could seriously talk about him forever because I went from hating him after he tried to throw the blame for the Banyue Pass incident on Xie Lian, to loving him after I realised that everything he does, he does because he is truly just a kind man who loves a good fight. He's so silly! Just a lil guy! Go Pei Ming go!

Fuck you Jun Wu. Again. (I hate him just as much as I hate Mahito. Maybe a little less. I really hate Mahito).

Moving on to my second favourite (but honestly it's such a close one), MDZS or Mo Dao Zu Shi (The grandmaster of demonic cultivation). Take a wild guess about how I got introduced to it... Fandom of course, because very few people talk about TGCF online without mentioning MDZS so I just had to give it a chance.

The great grandmaster of demonic cultivation has been dead for a while but when he gets gifted a new body through a not so well known demonic ritual, he runs into an old acquaintance. We learn about Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji's past and current world of cultivation and hear stories about messy betrayals and conspiracies. Aaaand we find out about some more trauma and tragedy because is it really an MXTX novel without it?

And talk about a rollercoaster because (and please don't hate me for this) I found Wei Wuxian annoying initially.... But it's okay now because I kin him so go figure. Tho I actually kin only his adult self, I was a very introverted and rule abiding teenager, a lil more like Lan Wangji. In any case, wwx is the same stupid chaotic bisexual that I am and he is babygurl. Yeah and what if he murdered 3000 people? It was self defense. THEY ATTACKED FIRST. Your honour, he did nothing wrong and he does not deserve to be punished!

On a serious note, MDZS explores so many themes that are personally important to me, my favourite being the power dynamics of the world. It’s truly moving that even with all the pain Wei Wuxian went through, how far in his cultivation and how powerful he got, he still couldn't protect those he loved (until Lan Wangji of course because Wangxian is perfect together and they always protect and defend each other. Wangxian my beloved). While it might be a stretch for some, it really reminded me of how powerless we are in the world. People aim to educate themselves and go on to do whatever they can to better the world in their own way and yet, it really feels like nothing’s improving sometimes. I could talk about this for hours but maybe I’ll leave that for another time and another analysis post since this is supposed to be a shorter one (lmao)

Last but not least, RZFZX or Ren Zha Fanpai Zijiu Xitong (honestly this one I use the english name for because I can’t pronounce the chinese as much as I try - The scum villain's self saving system or Svsss). This one I actually kinda struggled with - first of all because WHY BUGS MXTX. Not much bothers me in fiction but BUGS? Too far. Heads with spider legs? Raw flesh with maggots? Blood mites? I was out (for about half an hour and then I kept reading). Please note that it's not the raw flesh that bothered me, it was the fucking maggots. I can read about graphic murder, creepy hauntings, torture and many more but as soon as there are bugs? Nope! I’m done. People have phobias and that’s mine I guess. Enough ranting about bugs!

The story follows Shen Qingqiu, the scum villain of the hit web novel Proud Immortal Demon's Way (or PIDW for short, as it's referred to in Svsss) who is actually one of the original readers - and haters - of PIDW, who transmigrates into the book in order to fix the plot holes left by the original author. With his guide “the system” he does his best to lead the male lead of PIDW, Luo Binghe, down a better path than in the original story.

Svsss employs a comedic way of storytelling, with our protagonist being omniscient, it allows for the narration to be sarcastic and poke fun at a lot of moments that are cliche or badly written, as interpreted by sqq. Honestly, this is just a personal preference but I favour the more serious storytelling way of MDZS and TGCF (give me hurt until the very end when the main characters get together and then give me comfort).

To me, Svsss is a lot harder to analyse as a lot of its themes are unfamiliar to me, especially considering I’m the furthest from having any sort of humanitarian education (I have 2 engineering degrees). Using a story within a story, MXTX is able to deliver two main overarching themes; one about abuse and its results through Luo Binghe as well as one about the relationship of author and their readers, the feeling of being trapped by the readers' opinions and wanting your story to be liked through Shang Qinghua (to be honest, I hadn’t really picked up on this one until I saw discussion about this in the fandom).

If I'm being completely honest, I don't think I grasped this series as well as the other ones and I'm finding it hard to digest lbg and sqq's relationship. I'm unsure as to what it is that's holding me back from loving them as much as Hualian and Wangxian. I do tend to prefer tropes like theirs more than the whole "had to convince him to date me" thing which is what Bingqiu's relationship seemed like to me up until the end of volume 3. It’s also why I'm glad I actually followed through and finished the extras in volume 4 (I was really tempted to stop reading once I finished volume 3 not gonna lie). I believe those to be integral to understanding sqq's feelings towards lbh and while I understand that sqq did actually love lbh from the beginning (denial is a river in egypt and the gloset is made of glass - what the fuck is with MXTX's bottoms and the damn glass closet), I struggled to see the tipping point of where he actually understood his own feelings and what was going on in his head and that he was actually in love with lbh. Which is why I think to really understand Svsss, I would seriously need to reread it.

I also would love to eventually talk about queerness in MXTX's work because in each book, sexuality and queerness is explored and examined in so many different ways. As a queer person myself, it fascinates me as I can relate to so much of it. To be honest, I think I could write a short thesis on just this.

Honestly, while I'm very passionate about my favourite pieces of media (if you've heard me talk about any of my top 5 anime you'll understand what I mean), there hasn't been a lot of things outside JJK and MXTX's novels that have made me wanna dive deep into analysing every single detail. It genuinely makes me feel like I'm gonna implode sometimes. These 3 series have seriously reignited my love for reading. I was shown that a good book - in my opinion of course - doesn't need to avoid difficult topics. It simply needs to use them well as a means of delivering a message and a story, rather than them being included just to be included. They also reminded me that I love queer fiction and I need to read more.

I actually would really like to read Erha (or 2ha or The husky and his white cat shizun) but I've read the content warnings and I'm ~~apprehensive~~. While not a lot of things bother me, I'm not sure I want to read about that stuff (please look at the content warnings of this book, or any piece of media in that matter, especially if you have topics that easily bother or trigger you). Remember, it's our responsibility as readers/consumers to look out for ourselves first!

Please recommend any good danmei (other than MXTX) and possibly include links where they can be read! I would also highly appreciate recommendations for some good wlw fantasy fiction as I really would love to read some wlw novels - or even anime/movies/webtoons/manga. Just in desperate need of quality wlw content.

Also while I said I'd keep it short, it seems I ended up writing over 2000 words…

PS. I proofread this about 5 times and during one of them my file crashed, so if there's any mistakes or if I’m not making sense somewhere, blame my deep-fried brain, thanks

Thanks for reading my novel ramble! Enjoy reading :)

theNanamiSimp

[lady-severus-snape]

A little ficlet. 18+ mdni published by me on fanfiction. Angst, tragic, romance, character death

Enough

Severus/ reader

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Potter related, only my own characters and ideas. Trigger warnings, possible, do not read under 18. 

I’m not strong enough to stay away 

I can’t run from you

I’d run back to you

Like a moth, im drawn into your flame 

You say my name 

But it’s not the same 

Severus ran as fast as his long legs could carry him, heart beating in his chest. ‘Please, be ok. I’m coming!’ he screamed in his mind. The second Great Wizarding War had ended, and he miraculously came out of it alive. The damage he sustained from the bite had forever damaged his voice and left him with neuropathy in his appendages but even so, he had found the most beautiful creature. He had woken up in St. Mungos to the voice of an angel. Severus had been in a coma for nearly 4 months after getting bit by Nagini. The ministry had absolved him of any war crimes with the help of Potter. During his time in what he calls the void, Severus kept hearing a soothing, gentle voice speaking to him. Everyday he heard her talking to him and joking with him. Some of her jokes had him in stitches with tears running down his face. Her touch, by the gods, her touch was a balm to his soul and damaged body. He never felt hesitation, pain, coldness, only warmth and dare he say it love. When he came out of his magically induced coma it was her face he had seen. It was round and framed by luscious (y/h/c) curls. It reminded him of a lion’s mane, but more tamed. Her (y/e/c) eyes held warmth and glittered like stars in the night sky. The dour, potions master was instantly besotted. 

You look in my eyes

I’m stripped of my pride

And my soul surrenders

And you bring my heart to its knees

She was a volunteer, and always visited the comatose who had no one. She read to the children and spoke with the adults. She was 5,6 with a full figure. Severus didn't care, if anything he thought her to be his personal fertility goddess. Everyday she would come to sit with him for no less than an hour. Sometimes, she spent her WHOLE day with him. Her wit matched his and her laugh would make his heart flutter. “(y/n)” Severus rasped softly whenever he caught the sounds of her footsteps or her humming a tune. It would be another 6 months before he was deemed healthy enough to be discharged. (y/n) had been present for every milestone in his recovery and failure, his best cheerleader. He had found that she was a muggle, whose family had borne magical children aside her. Her family decided to integrate themselves into the wizarding world to keep the magical side of the family together. Severus didn't care about that either. 

And it’s killing me when you are way

And i wanna leave but i wanna stay

Anim so confused, so hard to choose

Between the pleasure and the pain

And i know it's wrong, and i know it's right

Even if i tried to win the fight

My heart would overrule my mind

And i'm not strong enough to stay away

After his last day at the hospital he decided to grab the bull by its horns and confess his growing feelings for (y/n). He wasn't sure if she would want to keep in contact with him after or even remain friends. He was done playing it safe. He would always love Lily, but he knew and understood that his love for her was merely due to his taste of being shown love and care. It wasn't real love….not like this. When she came in he blurted everything out.

“(y/n)! I have fallen in love with you. I know I'm a snarky, sarcastic old bastard at best ... .but would you do me the honor of allowing me to court you? Forgive me, if I have been presu-” Severus cut off and froze. Her lips had sealed over his, in the sweetest kiss he ever did receive. 

“Severus…..you had me at hello.” whispered (y/n) when she released Severus' lips. Severus immediately pulled her to him, encasing her in his arms. He kissed her deeply, passionately, trying to convey all the emotions he could not find the words for. When they had separated for air, the two of them sported flushed cheeks. 

“(y/n)....i- truly?” he whispered frevorently. She nodded her head, not trusting her voice just yet. (y/n) gently cradled his face in her hands with the tenderest of touch, her thumb tracing his bottom lip. Severus kissed the pad of her thumb, his heart racing in joy. 

Im not strong enough to stay away

What can i do?

I would die without you.

In your presence, my heart knows no shame

Im not to blame

‘Cause you bring my heart to its knees

Time had flown in a whirlwind of romance he could only compare to the trashy novels that he saw Lily read in their youth. Before he knew it they had courted for a year and a half already. (y/n) had moved in with him at Spinners end and helped him manage the apothecary in hogsmeade he had purchased with the compensation the Ministry had paid him for his spying services. (y/n) had witnessed every nightmare he had and even met his godson Draco. Life for him was going pretty well. So well in fact that Severus, had looked into the vault left to him by the late Prince Lord, his grandfather, and chose the Lady Prince ring. It was gold with 24kt emerald, cradled in 8kt peridot diamonds. When he presnted the ring to her, (y/n) had made the joke that now her heart would forever belong to the Half-Blood Prince. Severus had been overcome with joy, they celebrated well into the night. Exchanging pleasures of the flesh. She may have been 20 years his junior, but she was his match. They decided not to wait and marry at first opportunity. (y/n) didn’t care for a ceremony or reception, being the only muggle left after her parents died, caused her relationship with her remaining magical members to fizzle out. So the next day they floo’d over to the marriage registry department at the M.O.M. and married each other. Severus becoming Severus Galileo Prince and (y/n) was (y/n and m/n) Prince. 

And its killing me when youre away

And i wanna leave, and i wanna stay

And im so confused, so hard to choose

Between the pleasure and the pain

And i know its wrong, and i know its right

Even if i tried to win the fight

My heart would overrule my mind

And im not strong enough to stay away

The memories flashed in his minds eye as he skidded down the alley way. It had been 3 wonderful years since that day. And now where expecting his first child with (y/n). He had gone to the wholesaler to see about a new ingredient for his stock when the wards he set up for his shop and his wife safety went off. Alarm bells ringing in his head. Severus felt dread and fear grip him in its icy fingers. He ran out the wholesaler, trying to make it back. He had been to far to apparate and with the damage sustained he couldn’t perform a large quantity of magic. Once he staggered into the point of apparition, he activated the emergency portkey. He crashed into the apothecary and the scene he happened upon made him fall to his knees and scream in pain and terror. The love of his life was nailed to the back wall of the counter. Her nude form on display for all to see. Her throat had been slashed, bruising on her hips, thighs, and breasts showed that (y/n) had been sexually assaulted and tortured. Her lips had been sewn shut and her eyes gouged out. Severus heard screaming echo in his ears insistently until he realized they were coming from him. Severus staggered to his feet. Just as he stepped forward, a figured stepped forth from the back entry way. Severus reared back in shock. It was Draco, all bloody and held a bundle in his hands. There was a crazed looked in Draco's eyes. 

“Hello, Uncle Severus. You're just in time to celebrate with us. It's a girl” cackled Draco. Severus looked at the bundle then at (y/n). The blood was running down her abdomen.

“NO!!!!” Severus cried in denial. Draco had cut his baby out her. Severus drew his wand and pointed it at Draco, ready to kill him when the bundle let a wail out. His baby was alive! Severus petrified Draco and lunged forward as he crumbled to the floor catching the bundle. Severus moved the broadcloth away and saw the face of his child, his precious child, no bigger than his hand. His baby girl was a spiting image of her mother. Her mother, his love. Looking back up at her body, sobs wracked his body. Holding his baby close to his chest he took his wand and sent a patronus to the aurors. 

There's nothing I can do

My heart is chained to you

And I can't get free

Look what this love's done to me

Severus moved behind the counter and use is wand to remove  the nails holding (y/n) to the wall. Her body slid to down into Severus' free arm. He swayed his two loves.

“Look (y/n), our baby looks just like you. She lucked out, baby. She didn't get my nose. I'm naming her Bimori like we discussed. She's going to be the potions mistress in history, she'll beat her old man.” Severus talked as he swayed them. “This your mother Bimori. She is the sweetest, kindest woman I have ever met. She is like the warmth of the sun.” No sooner had those words left his lips when the aurors arrived. Potter was the first to speak. “Professor…….I am sorry to do this. But I need your statement and memories of what has happened.” Severus turned to Potter. “Harry…..Draco, he-” his throat closed up. He couldn't, fresh tears fell down his cheeks again. Harry noticed the bundle in Sevrus arm. “Hey, I need a healer over here!” Harry barked out. Auror healer Berkins stepped through and immediately cast diagnosis charms on the bundle. “It's a girl….her name is Bimori.” Sobbed out Severus. Harry caught Severus as he swayed, the strength waning and trauma hitting him full force. “I got you, sir.” Murmured Harry. “Healer Berkins will take care of little Bimori” 

And it's killing me when you're away

And I wanna leave, and I wanna stay

And I'm so confused, so hard to choose

Between the pleasure and the pain

And I know it's wrong, and I know it's right

Even if I tried to win the fight

My heart would overrule my mind

And I'm not strong enough to stay away (not strong enough, strong enough)

The funeral took place once her autopsy had been completed and the Draco had been questioned under verasitum. Draco, had formed an  a sick obsession with (y/n). Stalking her, confronting her. The experiments he was planning on conducting with her body. It condemned him to the deepest pits of Azkaban. You could hear Draco's screams echo through the chamber as the aurors hauled him away. Bimori had been developed enough to where she survived her unexpected birth unfortunately, her brain had not be able to develop all the way. She would forever depend on her father Severus. Severus, mourned the death of (y/n) for the rest of his life. He thought manyba time to end his life but his love for his little Bimori was far greater. She indeed was her mother's twin. Bimori would never age past 3 yrs old, so Severus had become her full time caregiver until he could not any longer. He had set up a trust fund with Harry as her power of attorney and God father. The damage of the war and his broken heart caused his early demise. Severus died at age 75, very young for a wizard of his status. He was buried next to (y/n), a memorial held in his honor. 

To stay away (not strong enough, strong enough)

(Not strong enough, strong enough)

And I'm not strong enough to stay away

Song by Apocalyptica feat. Brent smith

[tiredelirium]

D.16

The only time I feel free is during the time where hobbies take over. I think it’s the lack of conscious responsibility of taking care of myself and others. Freedom to do whatever you want without a responsability or a burden or a pain, or a Sisyphean task getting in the way of whatever it is your brain deems fun.

For me thats really only my hobbies. When I was a kid and teenager it was primarily drawing, reading and games. Though those hobbies haven’t deviated much, they have either dwindled, evolved, or been abandoned. I don’t draw anymore, even though I have a desire too. My focus in that regard was taken from me in a way. I don’t read nearly as much as I should nowadays, but there are things I do read and regularly try to keep up with. Playing games is something I enjoy immensely but sometimes it feels like I shouldn’t be playing them because other tasks are piling up.

Responsibilities are a burden, but they keep us grounded in reality. People without them fall apart. People who can’t maintain them fall apart in a different way. Without them, the chain around your neck is so loose you can inadvertently strangle yourself with the excess length.

Lately the hobby thats been giving me the most enjoyment, despite being a huge time sink in the eyes of most has been anime. Theres countless old series I never watched. Either because I didn’t get a chance or didn’t know they existed. So many creative art styles, different animation approaches, alongside stories of every vein and style being told.

Though, like all things, some anime just doesn’t mix well with your own likes. I’ve watched a fair few where something has just felt so off that I had no interest in watching more than the first two episodes. I always give the second episode a chance, as you can’t always judge if you’ll like a show from a singular episode. On the opposing side sometimes you watch a singular episode you really enjoy only to have the rest of the show let you down.

Convoluted plot. Shoddy lip sync. Unappealing art style. Weird voice acting. Uninteresting characters.

All of these things can let down a show immediately. I think most forums would probably praise and bash their favourite anime in equal proportions. While that is a good thing, it can also leave a stale taste in the mouth from opinions you disagree with. I won’t pretend to be knowledgeable about any anime, even the anime I have watched, both past and present, that I’ve enjoyed can easily escape my mind.

I never understood rewatching a series over and over again. There’s never been any show or movie thats ever got me obsessed that way. I do enjoy what I enjoy deeply, but there’s never been a show to make me stop and go, “I’m going to watch this seventeen times in a single week, and love it.”

Considering all the shows that exist in the world, I want a chance to see them all at least once.

For those curious, who manage to find and read these journals, my favourite anime of all time is actually Fooly Cooly. And any modern day anime that can live up to its craziness instantly earns my respect and an add to a watch later list.

[burins]

we're back in it with the second tpb of this run (AC 30-35!) once again i sent myself panels via email. i can see nothing wrong with this solution (cw below the cut for some animal death and body horror, bc we're going to see doomsday! hi doomsday)

AC 30 opens with doomsday going absolutely ham on some poor polar bears. someone call greenpeace :( despite reading the entire death of superman arc i don't actually remember very much about doomsday. it seems like here they're going with a sort of mindless virus situation? which is fine but i do prefer a villain with motive.

smash cut to the big villain base where superman is mad at the government(?) about their ghost soldier program. i wish he weren't just sort of waving ghost soldier around by the collar during all of these scenes but i'm slightly appeased by the fact that ghost soldier will actually get to do some cool stuff later. also this is a deeply raw line from harrow the ninth, who is inexplicably in this comic. hi harrow!!!

reading this issue i was trying to remember whether superman is weak to ghosts. it's me a newer comics reader. can someone give me a pokemon style chart--

we love an ideological conflict! truly though i do love when clark's refusal to give up on people causes problems for him beyond just "they stab him in the back." harrow has a point! it is hard to trust someone who trusts everyone! but also clark's sense of justice and honor makes him who he is. juicy.

cut back to the marianas trench where doomsday is looking SICK AS HELL!!!! truly aaron kuder put all his points into drawing monsters and backgrounds and sci-fi stuff, which i guess is why he did green lantern before this. i would love to see his concept art

AC 31!

we are getting into the point in an action comics run where they're simply referencing things that happened in other issues. the issue kind of gets around this by including these fun little daily planet intro pages, which are charmingly mid-2010s. i do NOT know which issue superman actually defeated/fought doomsday in and i won't be looking it up. this does mean that i get to read an issue and go A COMA????? but part of reading comics is you just gotta go along for the ride. i am strapped in and buckled up. i am also taking notes about the ads for my fanfictions bc i hate to come up with restaurant names.

powerful archie comics energy coming from this panel. i did forget that diana and clark are dating in this arc so thank you for the reminder, lois

lex is also in a power suit. comics! i guess he gets to be kind of a superhero for a little bit. clark is having visions of ripping his arms off. #justguythings

we do get a brief little batman cameo much to my delight. bruce is just out here without any kind of rebreather, which i think is very funny bc every other human around is in full hazmat gear. bruce you are not a meta!!! put a mask on!!!

presented without comment.

we also get a little krypto moment. sweet krypto has brought clark an entire deer leg, which i won't cap, but which you can imagine. i did not care about krypto until i read supergirl woman of tomorrow and now i would die for him

clark is having some rage issues and tears apart a helicopter. good for him!!! cut to john henry irons. john henry i love you you have GOT to stop taking meetings in your silver bath.

wuh-oh clark your bone-hurting juice!

AC 32! emo about clark's recurring nightmares about being a monster. lois and her dad are giving a press conference about how superman is an enemy of the state. i'm so sad about lois giving up on him!!! :(

he and john have a sweet scene that ends when clark tries to crush his hand. i'm a sucker for an "i'm becoming the monster i always feared i was deep down" story

clex crumbs???? clex crumbs??? lex being the voice of reason telling clark he needs to gtfo before he gets carpet bombed into monsterhood is. compelling tbh. i read those smallville fics!

unfortunately clark still has someone to save and so he gets blasted with a ton of kryptonite.

AC 33! i wish i cared more about lana lang tbh. fandom seems to have made her a lesbian. is this true?

KARA BECAME A RED LANTERN????? NEW 52 PLEASE,

clark meets another guy who turned into a monster and tried to save people anyway! i wish this scene had had a little more weight bc it has a lot of potential. also i think clark should look more fucked up tbh. he's kind of just been hulkened

oh thank god. lois was mean bc she's been braniaced.

reading comics in as deeply scattershot a way as i have means that any time i see someone i recognize i go omg it's robot superman hi robot superman! love his space walrus posse

yeah yeah yeah we all listened to arcade fire in high school and put this song on the playlist we made about being trans and also the apocalypse!

lois's daily planet article is Full of Significant Capitals so we're really in it now

sorry this is a HYSTERICAL opener. comics i love comics

i do find myself missing the emotional core of the earlier issues of this run... i think in part bc i'm not getting the actual arc of the action (bc the actual arc of the action looks like... this:

comics! not even once.

this is so funny clark i'm so sorry lmao. lex is also here i just couldn't fit him in the cap

JASON MY GUY JASON MY FRIEND!!!! tragically this is the rhato era so kori's outfit is ROUGH

cackling cackling cackling.

OH i'm feeling the clark kent emotion tonight folks!!!! sorry that this image is absolutely massive idk how to make tumblr let me make it. a little smaller. you're getting clark kent color of the sky but tbh if you've made it this far into the post it's really on you

i think it's SO funny that doomsday infection turned krypto into the fucking fma chimera

i don't know who the artist on this particular page is but they drew him SO pretty. thank you. also clark's little underground son is back! to remind him that monsters can be good <3

we're juggling a lot of love interests for clark in these panels and i don't Love it... this isn't what clark is about to meeeee

AC 34! i get to see jason again for one full page before he gets mind-controlled <3. kori's costume is if possible even worse in this issue. her gamer mousepad titty ridge....

brainiac's ship, on the other hand, looks phenomenal. once again aaron kuder show me your concept art!

this is two pages later. the supersmooth coloring isn't doing it any favors but please,

i think lois and diana should kiss, personally

i'm skimming over the big action stuff again. we get some phantom zone. at some point i'll learn what this means. we get some clark flying into the sun to get very strong. we get a really lovely page where clark uses his sun rays to try and blast brainiac

why is anyone trying to make aaron kuder draw faces!!!! let him team up with someone else for those!

i learn, and subsequently try to forget, that the mothership is literally bigger than earth. i am BEGGING anyone in comics to learn about how space, and/or gravity, work. what happened to the moon??? where is the moon???

lois's pep talk for clark is very affecting especially because she was fighting brainiac in his mind prison the whole time... she's a fighter!!!

AC 35! once again the climactic action happens offscreen. clark looks great with a beard tho, and we get a very affecting moment with him and kara where she flies him over the planet to show him it's fine.

unfortunately a thing that is not fine is the fortress of solitude AND ALL OF CLARK'S ANIMALS!!!!! HIS FRIENDS!!!! how could you do this to the ultimate 4h kid.

SO GOOD! more beards for comics men. ollie has had a monopoly on facial hair for too long

(sitting in front of lana's parents' graves) OOF! this to me is the tragedy of superman (well, one of them.) how do you have normal relationships with people when they know that you have the power to keep anything bad from happening to them and because of who you are as a person won't use it, because then many more people would die? how do you deal with knowing that clark might care about you very deeply but the world comes first? it's an easy thought experiment but when it's your dead parents it's. a little harder.

lana is also dating john henry irons which is HILARIOUS! and also fits, they had fun banter in these issues and they both love engineering.

normal chairs for a normal man!!!! normal house!!!! bruce is not beating the vampire allegations

GREAT final scene where lois has a screaming fight with clark for writing an anti-superman piece and claims he doesn't understand superman.

overall... oof i'm excited to get back to this run when it's not part of a multi-book crossover experience. i got spoiled by reading knightfall as part of one big package and forgot that comics loooves to make you flip back and forth... tbh kind of surprised that this arc got collected in trades like this instead of with all of the crossovers. wild move on DC's part!

i was doing comics livetweets on twitter but that seems... dangerous given the longevity of that site so i'm going to bring them over here so that in six months when i go "what comic was that in" i can find it. i'm breaking my "no new 52" rule to read greg pak's action comics run bc i've heard it's good! i already read the first tpb but it was on my desk shift so i emailed panels to myself. Country Kids Make Do!

AC (2011) #25: clark is so so charming in this run! he also breaks martha's finger AS A BABY which is a bold move on a writing level. if i found a baby in a cornfield and it broke my finger i might consider leaving that baby at the nearest hospital even if it was as adorable and round-cheeked as clark is here. ma kent is obviously made of sterner stuff than I.

CUTE!

now that we've gotten the backstory out of the way it's time for clark to fight the wind. literally. he tries to reverse a hurricane.

frankly i also find this charming! this is such a young thing to do. i also thought i was god's answer to every problem when i was 20. fortunately i did not have superhuman powers so i never accidentally tossed a whale in the air.

the art in these next few issues is Pretty Rough in the face department. aaron kuder does some rly lovely backgrounds and landscapes and action scenes and then you get a close up and we have some real adult animation ass mouths. it's still not as bad as this though!

AC 26: after clark fights the wind we have a charming moment where we learn that jimmy thinks clark plays a lot of sudoku bc he's always on his phone looking at Metropolis Nextdoor and trying to find crimes. clark have you ever considered going on normal gossip?

jokes aside these panels make me pretty emo about the intrinsic horror of being clark kent. you can hear every bad thing that happens, all of the time, and you also have the power and the will to stop it, or at least to try to. and that's your whole life forever!! woof!!!!

smash cut to the rainforest, where lana lang, electrical engineer, is busy excavating deep under the earth for geothermal energy. now i myself am not an electrical engineer but i don't think this is usually how that works. it's also been years since i took envi or geos classes but i do think that if you disturb forest soils in one of the most delicate and biodiverse areas on earth. this might be a problem. it's fine though bc lana lang is a hashtag girlboss and grabs a gun the first chance she gets.

clark shows up to fight the monster that of course appears, and immediately gets shook like a chew toy. delightful. he makes friends with the monster (also delightful!) and immediately gets stabbed by a ghost soldier (literally that is this character's name.)

AC 27: next issue we learn that clark has adopted the monster, who is actually a child. very very cute. in an alternate universe i think this kid becomes his robin and he and bruce meet up earlier to exchange parenting tips for underqualified 20somethings who accidentally ended up with very rambunctious wards.

clark's exasperation about lana's total inability to use his superhero name is deeply relatable. also clark what else did you pretend to throw into the sun and not actually throw into the sun

AC 28: we go underground and learn about an ancient secret society. i'm skimming this plot. lana is very excited about sustainable energy.

i had to look at this face so you do too!

i REALLY do not know how i feel about leonard sawyer, mahican nation, ghost soldier for (I think?) the US government! especially bc in about ten pages he is gonna literally stab clark in the back. hm!!!!

AC 29:

that's my special guy--

we get some more fighting... clark loses his newly adopted son who is actually a secret prince of underground. hey do we ever hear about the underground civilization again? here i was setting my fic in space so i could write aliens, like a chump. i guess i will find out when i read the next volume!

overall i'm enjoying this run, it's making me feel the clark kent emotion TM. god i do hope we get a new artist soon. sorry mr kuder but i need you to learn how mouths work (eta i looked this up and it's kuder most of the way through this run. sigh. i will simply zoom out a little on hoopla.)

[anonymousfiction211]

Steamy reunion

Summary: You are an undercover S.H.I.E.L.D.-agent, when Loki (your boyfriend) is caught and brought into the hellcarrier. It is your job to interrogate the God of Mischief, but he has other plans for you reunion. 

Word count: 2.135 words

Warnings: Smut!

A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Hope you like it :). If you have any other ideas for me to write, don’t be afraid to contact me. 

Steamy reunion Loki smiled at you when he walked by. There were two guards on either side of him, who were escorting him back to his cell. They failed to notice the little wave Loki made with his cuffed hands. In your head you scolded Loki for being so careless if anyone saw here or later on the security tape your cover would be blown. After all, everyone just thought you were a Midgardian agent of their organisation, S.H.I.E.L.D. it was called. It stood for Supreme Homeland International Espionage Law-Enforcement Division. A ridiculous name for an organisation. You always expected that they chose the acronym first and made up some words to make it sound like they thought it through. You tried to hide a smile as your boyfriend was escorted back. You knew he was thinking about killing the two guards with just a flick of his hand, trying to impress you. He always liked it when you were impressed by him, and Loki is a very impressive being.

When he was out of your sightline you focused your attention back to the file before you. You were the one that was going to interrogate Loki. He had planned it all out. After your ‘interrogation’ you would leave the cell open for him. At that moment, some archer was going to stir up the hellcarrier, he would meet you outside on the landing strip. He hadn’t told you anything else, he told you it was in case you were discovered. But you knew, he liked the be the only one who knew what was going on. He only told people what they needed to follow his instruction, but his plan was always a secret. Agent Hill approached you ‘Are you ready?’ she asked. You nodded and followed her through the hallway to Loki’s cell. It was a round glass cell, with only a small bench in the back. Loki was sitting on the bench, with an amused smile on his face as you and agent Hill entered the room. In front of the cell stood a control panel, you glanced at it. On to of the buttons was a description about what the button does, which was going to your next instruction very easy to complete.

Agent Hill gave you a few rules to follow. Like, staying away from the glass and not entering Loki’s cell. After she made sure you got it she left. There were no guards present, meaning they clearly had faith in the cell they build. When agent Hill left you turned around and saw Loki already advancing at you. He stopped right before you, the thick glass separating the two of you. His stance was dominant and he had a certain hunger in his eyes. ‘Open the door, love’ he said in a low voice. There weren’t many situations where you had the upper hand. Loki was stronger, faster, and used his powers to stay one step ahead of everyone. So, right now you couldn’t resist your chance to tease him a little bit. ‘I’m afraid that I’m under clear instructions from agent Hill not to open the door’ you said as seriously as you could. Loki looked confused for a second, but then you saw the playful twinkle in his eyes. ‘I’m going to get out either way. You can be on my good side or on my bad side. And you know what happens to bad girls, don’t you?’ he said with his velvet voice.

You couldn’t help but shiver at his words. Your head filled with images of what Loki had done with you over the last year. The God of Mischief, the silvertongue, certainly lived up to his name in the bedroom. ‘I need to figure out the systems first’ you whispered to him. ‘You insult me, darling. I already took care of that’ he faked an insulting expression. ‘Now open the door and come in here, I won’t ask again’ he said sternly. You went to the control room and pushed the button marked ‘open door’ and the door of Loki’s cell slid open. Loki watched every step you took towards the open door. The moment you stepped inside his cell he stalked towards you. It only took him a few steps. He stood very close in front of you. You looked up at him and he down at you. He grabbed one of your cheeks and closed the distance to your lips. You felt his breath on your skin as he ghosted over your lips with his. ‘Well done, love’ he said before kissing you deeply. When he broke the kiss, he chuckled when he heard you whine slightly.

‘Did you miss me?’ he asked you. ‘With everything I’m. It took a lot of self-control when they first brought you in to not come looking for you’ you told him. ‘Had fun here on Midgard?’ he purred. He knew that you hadn’t. As him, you also thought Midgardians were weak creatures. He just laughed at your scolded expression. He grabbed both your cheeks and pulled you in for a deep kiss again. You felt his tongue slip out and you immediately opened your mouth to give him access. Your tongues danced around each other and you couldn’t help but moan a little into the kiss. Loki broke the kiss when both of you needed air. ‘I missed you’ he said while putting his forehead against yours. ‘I missed you too’ you said back. His hands grabbed your and he pulled them to his chest. ‘I have to go now, I see you outside in about half an hour’ you whispered. You took a step back, intending on leaving, but Loki pulled you close against him. ‘Change of plans’ he grinned at you.

Before you could register what was happening his tongue was in your mouth. Eagerly, you widened your mouth to give him better access. You moaned into the kiss, it had been so long that you were able to touch each other. Your hands started to roam his body. You were starting to get frustrated by the many layers of clothing he had on. Loki chuckled he broke the kiss and took the hem of your t-shirt to put it over your head. He threw the shirt on the ground behind him and stopped to stare at your breasts. His pupils were so wide you almost couldn’t see his eye colour. His hands slowly started to caress your breasts at the edge of your dark green bra. You began to blush under his gaze. His hands went to the middle of your bra and he pulled at the little golden snake which hang there. He turned his gaze back to you and you had never seen him look so feral.

He unclipped your bra and immediately unbuttoned your pants. Within seconds you were naked and he pushed you against the glass. He started to devour your mouth, leaving you breathless. You started to unclip his leather tunic and he started to help you to make it go faster. His lips never left yours. When he was naked you pushed him back slightly. ‘Do we have time for this?’ you asked him. Loki was quite insatiable and sex with him always included lots of foreplay, multiple rounds and he could last a very long time. ‘There is always time for this’ Loki said. His hands found your waist and he lifted you up against the glass. Your legs wrapped around his waist and you felt his erection against your clit. He slowly started to grind into you, making you wetter by the second. ‘Loki’ you whined, needing him inside of you. ‘Patience, love. After a few days everything will change for us’ he whispered in your ear. He nipped at your earlobe, making you moan loudly.

Loki was leaving hickeys and marks all over your neck and chest. After you regained your senses you asked him ‘What do you mean?’. Loki laughed darkly. ‘That means…when I have this world… I can do whatever I want’ he whispered between his groans. ‘And what I want… more than anything… is you’ he said. ‘So, that’s your plan?’ you asked slightly out of breath. The tip of his erect cock was teasing your entrance. He slowly brought you down on his cock, impaling you against the glass. ‘Oh my god’ you gasped when you felt him entering you. Loki just grinned smuggle and started a very slowly thrusting in and almost out of you. ‘The plan is a bit more complicated than that’ he said. Your hands went to his hair and you tugged slightly on them, earning you a small moan from Loki. His picked up the pace slightly, your walls were slowly getting sensitive. But it would never be enough to send you over the edge, he was going to slow for that. ‘First, we escape this plane’ he started to explain. His mouth found one of our nipples and he started to circle it with his tongue. When you were panting enough to his liking he released your breast and started to leave open mouth kisses on your throat.

‘Then, we will go to Stark tower’. He picked up the pace of his thrusting again and you were starting to moan louder. ‘I will open a worm hole and my army will come out and defeat these so-called heroes’ he sneered. One of his hands found your clit and he started to draw circles on it fast. ‘Loki, oh my god, don’t stop’ you begged him. Loki just grinned wickedly ‘Normally, I would love to play with you more. But since we are on bit of a deadline…�� He pulled out of you and sat you down. You whined at the loss of feeling inside of you. Loki winked and got down on his knees. Before you could ask what he was doing his tongue was on your clit and two fingers slid inside of you. He was working you into a frenzy. ‘Come for me’ he growled. The vibration of his voice that shot through your clit sends you over the edge. You came loudly screaming his name and your knees started to buck. Loki grabbed your hips and pulled you down towards him. ‘On all fours’ he commanded you sternly. You quickly obeyed him.

You felt him shuffle behind you and he grabbed your hips so hard, you knew there would be bruises tomorrow. But you didn’t care about that, you were too excited for what was to come. This time he didn’t take it slow, he quickly entered you and was fucking you like an animal. You stretched your arms out and lowered your upper body. Loki didn’t relent and started to leave bite marks against your shoulder blades. The only thing you could do was moan and let Loki fuck you, like he wanted. Not that you were complaining. ‘You know what I’m going to do after that?’ he asked. You didn’t answer him, but just moaned loudly instead. You were slightly sliding back and forth, because of his hard thrusting. ‘I’m going to rule… this planet with their… pathetic mortals’ he spat. His fingers dugged deeper into your hips, which made you cry out in pain and pleasure simultaneously. ‘You shall be my queen’ he grunted. ‘And every morning and every night I will fuck you senseless’ he went on. ‘We will get everything we deserve’. Loki’s hand snaked around your stomach and found one of your breasts. He started to massage it. The pleasure became to overwhelming and you were clenching his cock slightly, trying to hold off your orgasm as best as you could. ‘Loki, please’ you begged him. His upper body was on yours, he slowed his pace a bit and started to whisper in your ear. ‘You will rule by my side, together we will make something of this planet. And you will obey my every command, won’t you?’ he asked you. ‘God, yes, Loki, yes’ you screamed out. ‘Then come for you King’ he commanded. Your orgasm shot through you and your vision blurred a little. After a few thrusts you felt Loki groan loudly and his seed spilled inside of you.

He slowly pulled out of you and sat down against the glass wall. You turned around and saw his hands open for you. You sat down on his lap and curled yourself against him, nuzzling your face in the crook of his neck. He gave you a soft kiss on the top of your head. ‘I can’t wait to rule by your side’ you whispered to him. He held you tightly against him ‘You will be an amazing queen’ he whispered back. Loki just caressed you for a few moments until you heard him sigh. ‘I’m afraid you really should get going now’. You got up from his lap and started to search for your clothes. You put on your underwear and pants. Before you could grab your bra from the ground Loki beat you to it. ‘I don’t think I’ve seen this one before’ he smirked at you. He stood up and you rolled your eyes when you saw he had dressed himself with his seidr. ‘That’s not fair’ you said while trying to get the bra back. ‘Tsk, no, darling. I’m keeping this one’ he said while winking at you. You felt a blush starting to form on your cheeks. His smile widened when he saw it, he loved to make you blush. You put on your shirt and walked out of the cell. Loki walked besides you and grabbed you for a deep kiss. He let go of you and opened the doors for you. Right before you walked through he slapped your ass ‘See you in five minutes, my queen’ he purred while you walked outside of the room.

Tags: @delightfulheartdream​

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[sirensmojo]

"Big Bank!" - Hubby! Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warnings: Big Fluff, Old Money love story vibes.

Summary: Tommy decided to let his wife take care of his Gin. He comes to taste it for the first time after the Gin was met with great success.

A/N: We stand for a caring & trusting Thomas, sorry not sorry.

*Masterlist*

It was a windy day when Tommy entrusted you with his Gin distillery.

The sun was out, as your children were running around the garden, their giggling easing his mind. His head dropped backward on the garden chair as fingers of one of his hands were fidgeting with his cup or whiskey, as a cigarette was locked in between his lips.

Spring was early this year, much to your family’s pleasure. Spending time outside was something you loved to do, and knowing Tommy’s busy agenda, you made sure to make every family moment the best one.

No need to say time flew so fast, the days becoming months, becoming years.

Tommy and you was an evidence. From the day you bumped into each other in the London’s library his sister Ada used to work, you were inseparable. Thus you didn’t know each other for very long, but everything between you made this fact questionable.

You were acting as if you knew each other since children, a single look and you understood what the other thought. Not too many words were said, but not too many words were needed.

Although you weren’t Tommy’s first wife, you were “the perfect two”, making all the people you knew jealous and envious.

“My love,” you announced your presence when coming closer to the garden table as your husband was eyes closed. “I did some thinking.” You added, catching his attention.

Tommy straightened back his head and he was now facing you as you seated in front of him, glimpsing from afar of your three little boys.

“You know I don’t like your whiskey or any type of alcohol, truly.” You raised your brows, and he puffed on his cig, waiting for you to continue. “I want to make Shelby’s Gin.” You let out outright.

No need to turn around your wish, by the way he shifted position you already knew he was ready to hear anything, and you didn’t want to disturb him from his peace. You knew how he dearly appreciated those little moments in which he didn’t have to think about running a business or dealing with dirty gangsters and rude people.

“You want to do what?” He raised a brow not too sure he heard you well, but when he caught eyes of your lips curling at the corner of your mouth, he knew he had heard it well.

His family was his haven of peace and you would do anything to take off some weight off your Shelby’s shoulders. it was a regular task, a daily basis habit that you quickly took and that you’ll probably never lose.

“I already tried a mixture.” His deep voice accentuating your smile.

“It’s my turn now, you played enough with that, you need to focus on real business now. Put your mind elsewhere and let me fill my bottles.”

You couldn’t quite put your finger on what changed precisely, but you noticed a shifting in your husband’s expression along with the gleam animating his iris.

You thought it was worry.

You lost your father a few months ago due to lung disease and your mother died long ago when you were the age of your own children, and as an only child, you were now all alone without your parents.

Gracefully you had Tommy and the kids because if you hadn’t you didn’t know how you would’ve handled this loss.

As being a sensible cord, your husband didn’t bring it up, and he wasn’t the type of comforting people with words anyway, but he tried it his way, which means he bought you a ridiculous amount of new jewellery and books because he knew how much you liked to read and how you were a simp for big diamonds.

Incidentally, Tommy always found it funny how much time you spend with your nose in books while having a voracious appetite for jewellery. He would never miss an occasion to make fun of you when catching you reading as you had to wear glasses, and it was all funny and stuff till he too, had to wear glasses to read.

Now, in bed, you looked like two old people, instead, you were reading adventure and dramatic novels whereas he was stuck with political subjects.

“Okay.” He didn’t hesitate a single moment which made you smile.

“Okay?” you repeated, your smile growing as seconds passed. He straightened back, leaning over the table to you and his hands reached for yours.

You intertwined your fingers together with ease, sparkles spreading at the tips of each of it.

It was that way with every of his touches. He just had that power over you, which you were proud of as it was just love. It could never be anything else.

His deep blue eyes were anchored into your Y/C/E’s ones and you knew he was trying to bring you comfort. He knew what it felt like to lose people, and was ready to give you whatever if that meant to ease your pain.

You neared your faces and he ran his thumb over the end of your nose, down to your lips as cupping your cheek with his palm. Tommy’s head was slightly tilted to the side, his only purpose being to reach your soul with either his touch or his soul hidden behind his iris.

You leaned your head into his touch and closed your eyes for a second, enjoying that moment between the two of you as the breeze made its way to your neck under your mane.

Now, nearly five weeks later, all Birmingham was only speaking of the Shelby family as the people making “the good priced good gin” according to what you heard in the streets. From the fancy restaurant to the underground pubs, everyone in town had tasted of that oh so liked liquor.

Tommy first heard how good the gin was by his brother Arthur. He, who liked to get drunk all day long and all night long, was always keeping a bottle of it in his car or even on himself.

Then it was Ada, always offering him a drink of it whenever he would visit her.

(...)

It was 4 in the afternoon when Tommy walked through Charlie’s yard to join the Gin factory, when opening the door he was surprised to see you, seated at the old dusty desk filling paper and sipping on several cups.

Your husband frowned, “Y/N?”. He didn’t know if he should be worried or glad to see you working in such a place while drinking a lot knowing you’re not even a drinker in the first place.

You lifted your gaze to him and a huge smile instantly warmed up the atmosphere in the space, “Tommy!” You exclaimed as you got up. Being a bit dizzy you were strongly holding onto the table while getting up but you wanted to join him, and that’s when Tommy noticed your reddened cheek and little eyes.

“You’re drunk,” he stated, concerned. His expression shifted. He seemed a bit worried as he took one of your wrists to help you walk correctly.

You waved your free hand before you as to blow away his remark, “I was trying a new mixture for the Gin.” You informed him. You slid a hand into his rough one and stepped backwards, to the desk. “Here, choose one and tell me.” You proudly pointed to each of the cups. “This one on the left is spicy, the middle one a little too sweet for the Americans, this one to the right is the version that is out, and the last one is a bit strong. If the sadness hit too much.”

“The sadness?” Tommy asked while grabbing the third cup, being the gin that was already out. He was quite startled by how implicated his wife seemed to be, he didn’t actually think she would invest that much time and energy in this activity, but he was relieved she found a reason to get up every morning other than their beautiful family.

He knew how living a life without having or serving a purpose was meaningless and boring, even more, when being saddened by something you can’t control such as the death of a loved one.

The Shelby brother will sleep better now, knowing his other half found purpose somewhere, even if seeing her drunk was a sight he could never get used to…

At this moment, he felt the need to feel her skin under his touch before doing anything else, and that’s what he did, putting his hand at the end of her back, he pulled her closer, his thumb rubbing her skin over the fabric of her dress.

Tommy then drank from the cup and took his time judging the taste of it.

He opened his eyes and dropped the cup on the desk before turning to his wife, she was looking at him, impatience spreading all over her face. She seemed ready to hear Tommy’s opinion on her Gin... On their gin.

The blue-eyed man grabbed her face in his hands and pressed his forehead to Y/N’s. She closed her eyes a couple of seconds before opening them to a staring Tommy. He was fondling her cheeks with his thumbs before exhaling deeply, “I now understand why everyone’s talking about us, Shelbys, being fucking genius’, eh” He got distracted by her lips.

“This,” he pointed to the bottle standing at the corner of the table, and, once again, Tommy got distracted, he noticed words were present on the bottle down the name. “Distilled for the eradication of incurable sadness.” He read out loud.

A faint smile was found on his face before he agitated the bottle in his hand. He was proud.

He put down the bottle and directly sealed his lips to Y/N’s, the calling for love being too loud to resist.

That was exactly why it was her and no one else, she was always unpredictable and versatile. Who would have thought his bibliophile wife could be a real gem in the making of gin?

She put away, gasping for air before looking him in the eyes, “What? Did I never tell you the fact that my grandpa was making alcohol?” She teased his lips by speaking inches away from them, “I know one or two tricks. That’s why it’s selling well.” She concluded before pressing their lips together eagerly.

“This is a big bank, yea” He succeeded at saying in between two kisses.

[polandspringz]

Just wanted to drop here and say that I finished Lovely Complex and I am not saying it’s the superior og romcom anime but it is and i have never met a dumber couple and both of them are so dumb but I would die for them and in this essay I will-

GAHAHAH You had me scared for a minute because I read the "I am not saying-" and was like how but then I finished reading and YES IT IS!!!!

I first watched Lovely Complex back in 5th grade/2011ish, and it sounds corny but I actually remember the exact moment I saw it. My sister had an episode playing on her laptop while she straightened my hair the night before school, and I had watched anime before that, like Kimi Ni Todoke, Toradora, Kaichou wa Maid-sama, etc. but Lovely Complex was just different. It's actually the only anime I can say I've rewatched fully, at least five times. I know the entire soundtrack, I can mimic what the characters are about to do before they say/do it in an episode. I haven't done a full rewatch in a few years, but when I started to this month, I found that I still knew everything, and that's how deeply this series has been stuck in my brain, haha. (I forever think of the phrase "Bear Curry" and cry).

The anime covers so much per episode but yet somehow feels paced really well. Sure it moves fast, but the jokes are just as quick so it doesn't feel out of place. The way Koizumi and Otani's romance develops is done so well, I just love every story beat. The school festival, when she visits him while he's sick and the accidental kiss, her making him the snack for the basketball game and then falling asleep on his shoulder, THE FIREWORKS SCENE, the rush to the college exam, EVERYTHING. The only time I think the show dips is in the second cour when we have the love triangle going on with Koizumi's coworker because of a misunderstanding, but even in that drama I think some funny jokes come out of it (even if Otani is obviously hurt when he asks if she just goes after short guys).

It just makes me happy to see other people watch it is because the show is good. The biggest hurdles people have with getting into it I think is the comedy and the art style. The show is obviously very "loud" and although the jokes I feel are universal(?) I think it does have a very Japanese perspective on comedy, more slapstick- hell the whole show is built on the All Hanshin Kyoujin joke- which doesn't translate easily to beginners to anime. Also the art, although I love it, based on what my friends who failed to get into the show said, I think the reaction faces takes them too far out of the "pretty shoujo style" they like in romance anime. Which is part of why I really try to say that "I'll never drop/avoid a show because of the art style". I don't think its fair to discredit a great story just because you have stylistic preferences. Lovely Complex definitely leans more into the comedy than romance, which is why its art reflects that. The fashion in the show is also very Japanese 2000s, which I don't think a lot of people like either. Although for me, Risa deciding to become a stylist somewhat influenced me deciding to do fashion design at a young age.

I know for most people, their big three in early 2000s romance anime would probably be Kimi ni Todoke, Toradora, and then maybe Kamisama or Maid-sama as the third. However, I've always done my list with Lovely Complex in first place. It's somehow become very underrated in the present day anime community, and while it's definitely not a starter show (I have a whole separate essay just about how newcomers to anime from Tiktok are disliking shows because they're jumping into the new popular ones without being properly warmed up to them through older ones), it is one that I think everyone, especially if they like romance anime, should watch.

[lubdubsworld]

Blackberry Winters.

Part 1

Namjoon Werewolf Au !

Alpha werewolf!

Heavy angst.! Pregnancy, unrequited love, hate to love, prejudice, mental health issues.

-------------------------------

There is a tide in the affairs of men, which , taken at the flood leads on to fortune. Opportunities had to be seized and made use of and you had to be bold and confident in order to lead your people to fortune.

Namjoon, as the head alpha of the Kim clan, knew this better than anyone else. Which was why he was here, in a meeting with alphas from the three neighbouring clans lining his boundary lines, hoping to get permission to access the seven or so aquifers that lay to the east of the packhouse.

The rains had been kind to them, the reservoirs were full but he wanted to make sure they had a backup plan just in case things went south in some way. His father had taught him that. Being prepared for the worst was second nature to him now. The land around the aquifers was rich and fertile and Jungkook had already let him plant tangerines and apples in the area for the little ones. The harvest was generally shared between the two clans and Namjoon was grateful for the easy camaraderie that the alpha of the land offered him.

The land belonged to alpha Jeon , a dear friend by all means and he knew that Jungkook would grant him permission as he always did . But still it was never a certainty. The council members had the final say and many of them held a grudge when he refused to marry Jungkook's sister last spring. That had been a no brainer for him. Junghee was beautiful but also like a sister to him, besides being incredibly intelligent. He didn't need a wife like that. And that was why he had picked, Jiah.

Sighing, Namjoon glanced back at the campsite where the women were gathered, sitting in small groups and laughing around a blazing fire while a few alphas hung about roasting meat and passing out moats of wine around . His eyes fell on his wife, timid and shy , sitting away from the rest and regret churned. He had been impulsive. She was ill suited to be his wife , and the last three months had been a bitter wake up call. Namjoon was well read, eloquent and bold. His wife was barely illiterate, with a stutter and shifty eyes that never met anyone's gaze head on.

He had chosen her because she had seemed docile and pliant and while she was definitely that, she was also ....at the risk of sounding rude and unkind, very very boring.

A simpleton. She seemed to know nothing about anything, content to disappear into the shadows, to hide and hang back and practically become one with the upholstery when he asked her to sit next to him.

It had been three months and they had barely spoken beyond a dozen words. It was awkward and stilted and just plain uncomfortable, sleeping with her. Sex was supposed to fun and passionate and filled with excitement and desire but with her , it was a chore he couldn't wait to cross off his list.

Leaning back against one of the poles holding up the makeshift tent, he watched her as she scooted away from one of the older omegas in the Jeon clan, the lady looking startled at the reaction. He shook his head in despair. He hadn't even wanted to bring her along but his mother had insisted. Something about her being young and innocent, too shy to stay behind with strangers for two whole weeks while he traveled to the Jeon's .

How was he supposed to explain that they were strangers as well ? That despite the label of mates, despite the fact that he had been the one to choose her, he felt nothing for her? Not even the idle curiosity one felt for strangers?

It was partly her demeanour, but mostly her appearance. She wasn't well groomed and it always made him frown. He had hoped that she would at least keep herself presentable, maybe hire the weavers to make her a few new tunics .

Something colorful and patterned like the ones the other omegas wore during festivities. The Kim clan had a lucrative fabric trade with the Min pack , and Yoongi and Hoseok always kept the most luxurious and vibrant silks and fabrics for him.

Jiah had shown a brief and fleeting interest in the luxurious threads, when his mother had brought her along to the tailor to get her wedding trousseau done....but the moment the young beta had asked her questions about her likes and dislikes, she had recoiled and went back into her shell. Namjoon had watched the whole scene, annoyance growing with every passing second. He wanted her to be pliant but also independent. Low maintenance . But apparently he would have to hold her hand through everything.

And that's when he'd begun to actively distance himself from his wife. He didn't have the time nor inclination to help her navigate her new life. He was busy, what with autumn coming to an end and the first chills of winter already beginning to permeate the air. The betas and alphas in the pack were already occupied with hunting enough meat to last them the winter, the women busy with curing the meat with spices and salt.....

He should have left her behind with them.

" A coin for your thoughts, Alpha Kim?"

Kim Jisoo came to stand by him, her scent of floral dust and vanilla cloyingly sweet on his senses. She had helped him with many a rut and he had always nurtured a sweet spot for the omega who was well versed in many languages. She was also one of the courtesans they had brought along for the evening entertainment. Jisoo slipped her hands through his arm and he smiled, letting her brush close to his torso.

His gaze went to his wife, who was staring at him, eyes blank and lips parted softly. She looked a little upset.

Which was understandable but still annoying. They weren't in love or anything and he wasn't cheating on her. Jisoo was a friend. He was allowed to have those. Jiah had no right to look at him with suspicion or with entitlement. He didn't owe her all her time. He wondered if she would react if he were to confront her now. As it is , he let himself stare right at her, half wishing that she would talk back to him.

But the moment their eyes met, Jiah looked away, entire body shifting as though in embarassment. He frowned , but lightly patted the soft fingers curled on his arm. He turned to Jisoo with a smile, taking in the pretty elfin features. The perfectly curled hair , threaded with gold and jeweler pins fell in soft ropes around her face, her lips tinted red and her cheeks brushed rose. She looked enchanting and unreal and he felt his blood stir in arousal, the need to feel her under him suddenly overwhelming.

He glanced back at Jiah and she looked a little green , her face ashen. His eyes narrowed when she shifted and looked around in a mild panic. Oh God, what was it now?

Irritable, he gently pulled away from the beautiful omega next to him.

" Excuse me, dear. I need to check on my wife." He said apologetically and she frowned staring at where he was looking.

"What's wrong?" Jisoo asked sharply but he ignored her, already moving to his mate.

Which was just as well, because the moment he reached her, her eyes rolled back and she toppled right into his arms.

She had fainted .

---------------------------------

" I'm sorry we had to cut this short but I hope your mate feels better soon, hyung." Jungkook's voice was laced with genuine concern and Namjoon nodded, hugging the younger alpha tight.

Junghee looked just as sympathetic, next to him.

" She'll be fine . I tried to get her to stay but she's been panicking a lot and refuses to let any of the healers here examine her. I think she'll be more comfortable with your pack healer. " She said gently.

Namjoon nodded, glancing back at Jiah who sat side-saddle on one of the smaller ponies, her eyes wide and face still ashen. He had tried to tell her it would be okay , but she had insisted on going home. The stark terror on her face had unsettled him deeply. He didn't know why she was so scared of the Jeon healer? Could it be because he was a man? Whatever the reason she hadn't let him examine her and because he couldn't ask her to just forget about the whole thing ( he was still head alpha , he still had to set an example as a caring mate. ) Namjoon had been forced to arrange for their return back home.

He had left Seokjin and Taehyung behind to carry the talks on his behalf, and Jisoo stood a few dozen feet away looking annoyed as he gave her

an apologetic smile.

The journey back to the Main village would be a couple of days and he had packed enough food for the both of them.

As he turned back to mount his stallion, he caught a glimpse of her face as she stared at him.

She looked lost , apologetic and clearly upset.

And he wondered if he would have to spend the rest of his life reading her face, trying to figure her out.

He has no interest in either.

-------------------------

The journey became incredibly tiring, especially when the skies opened up on them. Rain Lashed the ground , intent on soaking the earth and Namjoon watched her shiver, trembling as they all huddled beneath the shade of some trees, blankets wrapped tight around her thin torso. Why was she so thin? Why did she look at food like it was poisoned?

They were only a mile from home but had to stop, the deluge was far too strong for the animals to see ahead of them.

Namjoon himself sat next to an omega from the clan. He recognised her as one of the maids his mother had given to Jiah.

" Is your mistress doing well?" He asked gruffly and the omega startled, bowing twice in respect before answering.

"I...she ... She doesn't say much, alpha." The girl blushed under his gaze, looking away nervously and he frowned, glancing back at Jiah.

So it wasn't just him, then. She didn't trust anyone. He stared at her till she felt the heat of his gaze and looked up, eyes wide like a startled bird, like one of the starlings that nested in the wooden beams of his hut. She looked surprised, then terrified, eyes darting away at once and he tried not to growl in sheer frustration.

He wondered if it was because of his face.

Namjoon had no large feelings about his looks but he knew he was far from beautiful. ( A/N : A whole lie , I know but please bear with me for the story :*) it was one of the reasons he had wanted a plain looking bride. But perhaps his own chosen mate had , had dreams of marrying a very handsome man? Perhaps she had been infatuated with someone like that , from the clan?

It wasn't a far fetched idea. But still, she had been free to refuse his proposal. When he had first met the clan's watchkeeper, old man Gong in the humble hut on the outer borders of the pack land, he had made it clear that it wasn't some kind of order. She was free to refuse.

But she hadn't.

She had merely bowed and agreed and promptly appeared with a satchel full of her things and followed him back to his own home.

So why did she continue to act like she was here against her will?

It irked him no end.

As the skies cleared, they began their trek again and Namjoon pushed thoughts of her out of his mind. He had to plan for the winter, make sure there was enough food and also make sure they had enough herbs and liniments and oils in the apothecary. Mind drifting off to the countless things he was responsible for, Namjoon forgot all about his awkward mate and the reason they were going back home in the first place.

Which is why, when they reached home and he took his bath, cleaning himself up and finally settling down to some delicious food from the kitchens , his mother's words made him drop the chopsticks in shock.

" She is with child."

Namjoon stared at his mother in complete shock.

Fuck.

---------------------------------------------

Authors Note : I had this idea and just had to write it. Hope you guys enjoyed it.

[mxtxsblog]

SJ wasn't a monster to LBH.

I imagine you had noticed that I have a new baby, Shen Jiu.

Yes, I binged all SVSSS (the animation, not yet all the book) and the character I devote myself to he’s the character who appears for roughly 10 seconds. This is art.

Never fear, I will return to Xue Yang rants soon.

But anyway. I love love love love SJ and he 100% deserved better and if you don’t love him, I suggest blocking me.

Because I love my precious hateful baby and no, I’m not gonna stop.

So, SJ is not just a misunderstood villain, is THE misunderstood villain. I mean, all of his crimes were false (aside from his cruelty against LBH)!!!

Killing his martial brother? He was trying to save him! (a man who despised, humiliated, hurt him)

Going to brothels? For being able to sleep, FFS!

And so go on.

In the end, he was innocent or had excusable circumstances.

So I really want to take every accusation against him with a grain of salt, because the truth was (incredibly!) different.

And with all those lies, it’s interesting that no other student said that he was cruel against them, too.

So, I present you my theory (and I consider this canon): SJ wasn't a monster to LBH.

Yes, he was cruel. Yes, he mistreated and humiliated him. No, he wasn't a monstrous abusive scum.

(really broken emotional English under the cut)

In MXTX's novels harsh and physical discipline is expected and well-tolerated. Yes, SJ was way crueler than the norm (YQY told him about it, after all), but I don't think it was anything similar to what SJ had to suffer as a slave (or the petty cruelty that Xue Yang).

Proofs:

1- No other abused students. Strange, if SJ was so cruel.

2- Ning Yingying wasn't disgusted by the situation, only annoyed by the cruelness of the other boys. She even told LBH to go to Shizun to ask for help. Yes, she could be naive, but she was not a stupid girl.

3- LBH wasn't crippled, nor killed. If SJ really wanted to do this, he had the opportunity to do it.

4- All the peaks lords hated the demons. I have no doubt every one of them would have tried to kill LBH during the reveal.

5- At the start of the series, LBH doesn't hate/despise his shizun, even if he's living in poor conditions. So they weren't so poor?

6- The list of sufferings the system makes at the start isn't monstrous.

I'm not saying that SJ was right in his treatment of LBH! He was wrong, he abused his power and he was unfair! It was terrible, calling him a beast, not doing anything about the bullying, using lots of physical discipline, all of this.

But he wasn't a monster. He wasn't. What LBH did to him was disproportionate retribution (and how!!! Even canon said every sin against him was multiplied by 1000!).

If the tragic backstory of our villain protagonist woobie destroyer of the world, evil overlord, is "my teacher was mean to me", it really sucks. Overlord LBH is a disgusting torturer, petty, cruel, power-hungry. I really can't understand because so many people consider him justified. In universe, I can see it: a parody of violent protagonists loved by the readers.

I like overlord LBH! I love the beast. I love reading fics in which he is a monster. But I would never consider him good.

In a fandom that loves to villainy JC because he killed demonic cultivators (a rumor? self-defense? etc.), I'm surprised people love overlord LBH without irony but I didn't really expect anything better.

So, why in the world is LBH so hungry for vengeance? Why does he want to hurt hurt hurt (years of torment, right?) SJ? Why didn't he kill SJ and the hell with it? (as WXX did with the Wens who destroyed his home and killed his sect?) Why did he want to hurt him in a very personal way, reducing him to his plaything?

And no mistakes, LBH doesn't care about the other supposed crimes. Or yes, he cares because they are the proof that SJ was evil, his ticket to get a SJ to abuse torment torture forever. His reassuring that there was nothing good, nothing to save about his man. His tool to destroy SJ's reputation (even if he did have a poor reputation, to begin with).

I think it was because LBH was obsessed with SJ. Has always been, will forever be. A visceral heartbreaking soulcrushing mindsplattering obsession. So everything not good (so, everything) that SJ did to LBH, for him it was a critical point, please multiply x1000.

His cruelty, his neglect, his indifference, for many others would have been not so serious, in the end. But LBH's obsession made them the worst.

You don't torture destroy abuse a man for years if you didn't care for him. Just kill him. And what about when LBH told SJ he killed YQY?

LBH wasn't satisfied. Because he realized that SJ didn't lack a heart, he just didn't care for HIM.

And the extra when he meets a new Shizun? His reaction is not "Sick! A version of that bastard is married to a version of me, this really sucks!" but "Yes, Shizun, love me, fuck me, come home with me, be mine forever". Years after his SJ died, we have to guess. And STILL he's stuck in his obsession.

So yeah. I don't buy that SJ was a monster, but yes, he was wrong and he had to be stopped. But what LBH did to him was terrible and uncalled for.

(I am skeptical about the fact that SJ ordered his students to bully LBH. I really don't buy it, I think he simply didn't care it happened and was very harsh with him. But this is off the point).

In the end, LBH didn't care about right or wrong, he just wanted to possess SJ, and if he couldn't have him as a lover or a human pet, he would have had him as a plaything. That's all.

I think that if SJ wasn't cruel to him, but just didn't care about him, LBH would have been obsessed as well, maybe he would have kept him as a human pet to molest to his heart desire.

In the end, sure there are parallels between LBH and SJ's cruel situations.

But SJ was way way worse. For once, he was a slave, he couldn't escape, meanwhile, LBH could decide to go away anytime (and he didn't). I think SJ wanted him to go away because LBH really viscerally disgusted him, and so he hoped to drive him away. But LBH never did (and Xiao Jiu would have loved to be in his shoes and just go away).

Additionally, LBH was deeply obsessed with a man who was beautiful, elegant, interesting, but he didn't know almost anything about him. A sort of 1 d scum villain. If he had known the truth... I think this obsession would have multiplied (off cart, and it was already of the world). Because this wonderful broken man is even more interesting. I think he would have felt better to know he was in deep obsession with a so contradictory charming broken man. (So yes, all hail fics in which LBH discover the truth and it makes him even more obsessed).

To conclude: In the end, LBH became a monster, and SJ didn't.

To conclude 2: SJ suffered worse than LBH and went away saner (he wasn't, but LBH is worse).

[hereformcdonaldshonestly]

Can I request class 1-a having a new student and one day the hole class have to make a PowerPoint presentation and the new student makses on of the whole class but it's (for example that's why todoroki makes a good boyfriend and bonus points he is a cold and warm pack ) and then they say there is nothing I could find pozetief on mineta but who wants to date him anyway

I hope that makes sense

I’ll try my best!

Fluff 💖

PowerPoint Presentation On Why You Should Date Them!

All of Class 1-A!

For a school project, you had to make a presentation on something that everyone needed or needed to know. After about a week, it was finally your time to shine. "Hi everyone!" You say as you get your computer set up, everyone smiles and looks up at the projector screen. "Okay so this is the presentation I made and it's called "Why You Should Date The Students of Class 1-A at UA." You say as you point at the title. Everyone's eyes go wide, Aizawa doesn't care since it was his nap time. You heard him lay his head on his desk, so you continued.

The first person to show up was Yuga Aoyama! You started to read off the points, "okay so the first person is Yuga Aoyama!" You say as you point to him in the front, he smiles. "Number one, he has wonderful fashion sense! Like that's who you would want to go to for it, second, he can teach you french! Yes, it'll probably take some time but hey, you'll still learn it! And lastly, he is such a fun person to be around!" You look back at him and he's smiling more now, "thank you dearly (y/n), I knew I was that gorgeous on camera!" He says and you laugh.

You go to the next slide, this time it says Mina Ashido! "Next up is my dear friend, Mina Ashido!" You can hear Mina giggle, you smile and continue. "First, she's always there when you need her! She's goofy and lovable so that is a plus! Second, she is romantic! Like girl, it's amazing!" You exclaim, you can hear Mina and some others laugh. "Lastly, she is the best to go anywhere with! She is so sociable and fun that you'll automatically have a great time! Bonus points for her great style, girl send me some of those tips!" You say as you wink at her, she bursts out laughing.

As you continue onto the next slide, it shows up as Tsuyu Asui! On the slide, you include a cute photo of her and a frog. "Now onto Tsuyu Asui! For one, she's mature and responsible! Tsu is focused on her schoolwork and home life. Second, she is like a mom to everyone! She knows how to look after us and makes us feel at home." You smile, Tsu smiles at you and you can hear her go "ribbit" every now and then. "Lastly, she is loving and caring. Even at your weak point, she can help you and give you all the emotional support you need."

"Next up is Tenya Iida!" You say and you can see him blush slightly. "First reason is that he's incredibly smart! If you ever have a problem or even just need some extra help, he'll be amazing for that! Second, he works hard. He is so determined that he'll want to make sure you can achieve your goals as well. Lastly, he's humble. He'll admit his mistakes and the rare occasions when he is rude, that's boyfriend material, guys!" You say that laughing, his face goes even redder. "Bonus points for the fact that he loves study dates, hint hint!" You say as you wink.

The next slide is pastel pink and filled with bubble gifs. "Next up is Ochaco Uraraka! Number one, she's bubbly and loving! She is so friendly and can make a friend out of anyone! Second, she is always excited and loves to go out! Lastly, she may be a bit of an airhead, no pun intended," You giggled, "but she is such a friendly person and she's so empathic." You look back at the class and Uraraka is smiling widely, "I feel honored to be on the list!" She says, you laugh and continue on.

The next slide has thunderbolts all over it, and in those, it spells out "Denki Kaminari". "Okay, so this one is Denki Kaminari! He is super funny and sweet for starters, so that makes him an awesome person to hang around with! Secondly, he tends to joke around a lot and be playful, so automatically he's goofy!" You exclaim, you hear Denki laughing and saying "how did they know!" You laugh and continue, "lastly, he may be a bit of an airhead but he cares for all of his friends. He is such a sweet guy."

You smile, "next is Eijrou Kirishima!" Kirishima laughs and watches the presentation. "He is manly and a gentleman! He knows how to treat you right that's for sure!" Eijrou smiles, "Second, he is super loyal! I mean look at him, he's funny and can make friends with everyone he meets! Lastly, he's kind-hearted! He's super sweet and he is amazing to be around! I'm glad to call him my friend!" You say with a big smile. "Plus, his quirk can be useful in other activities if you know what I mean!" You say, winking. Everyone starts laughing, "nice one (y/n)!" Kirishima calls out to you.

"Next is Koji Koda! For one, he can teach you sign language! It may not seem like a lot, but it can be really useful to know! Second, he's kind-hearted as well! He's super sweet, he's shy but that doesn't stop him from being kind and a good friend. Lastly, he loves animals! Everyone loves an animal person, he's great with them and it's such a cute sight to see as well!" You pause before going on, you spot Koji, he's smiling and clapping. You smile and continue onto the next slide.

"Next up is Rikkido Sato! For starters, he loves to bake! And that's an amazing trait because imagine all of the desserts you can eat! Next is that he is sweet! Just like his desserts, he's super sweet and kind! Lastly, he's a very positive person! He has a good attitude about everything and it's adorable!" You smile, and Rikkido smiles at you.

A picture of Mezo Shoji and him with his friends, you included, shows up on the slide. "Next is Mezo Shoji! One, he's super protective of his friends! It shows how much he cares and loves his friends. Two, he is kind and can make friends with everyone. Thirdly, he is selfless. Which means he's willing to risk his life for any of his friends." Shoji smiles, "thank you (y/n)."

"Next is Kyoka Jiro! She is usually very social, except for when Denki bothers her." You laugh and Kyoka laughs as well, and nods "that's true honestly." You continue on, "second, she has great taste in music! She has a mixture of different bands she listens to, and then she'll even try some new ones for you! Thirdly, she can play different instruments! I find that amazing and she can even teach you how to play them!"

"Now we have Hanta Sero, he's very sociable and friendly! He is also quite funny and I have to say, he might be the funniest out of everyone in here!" Sero starts laughing, "you got that right!" You laugh and go on, "lastly, he's brave! He'll make sure to keep you safe and he's willing to step in for you."

"Now we have Fumikage Tokyami, he is protective of his friends! He will step in and make sure they're okay. Second, he has self-control. This may not seem like a big thing, he knows his limits and he can stay patient. Third and finally, he is very brave! Yes, he's shy but he's brave." Tokyami nods and watches the presentation.

A picture of Katy Perry's "Hot and Cold" shows up on the next slide, everyone giggles, and chuckles. "If you didn't guess from that, it's Shoto Todoroki! He is very calm and collected, he stays calm during stressful situations. He tends to care very much for his friends and values them very deeply, and lastly, he tends to put them first. He's grown a lot from when he first started, he's becoming more sociable!" You say, Shoto slightly smiles and nods. "Plus he makes a great heating pad and an ice pack if you need it!" You say laughing, others join in.

"Next we have our favorite invisible girl, Toru Hagakure! For one, she's super bubbly and overall a very positive person! Second, she likes to collect plushies and other cute things, so that means you'll have a shopping buddy! You have to invite me at some point girl!" You say, she laughs, "for sure (y/n)!" You look back up at the screen, "then finally, she can easily make friends and super sociable! She's such a sweet person!"

You laugh and change the slide, "now the one and only, angry pomeranian, Katsuki Bakugou!" Katsuki frowns, "hey dumbass that's not funny!" You laugh and continue, "yes he is very hot-headed, but he is protective over his friends. Second, he is very determined to do good, he'll push you just because he wants to see you achieve your goals. Lastly, he may have pride but he does have his sweet moments. I've only gotten to experience them every now and then but he truly is a good friend, angry or not." You say with a smile, everyone starts going "aww" and Katsuki's face goes beet red. "I- Thanks dumbass." He says quietly.

"Now onto our favorite broccoli boy, Izuku Midoriya!" You exclaim, "first off, he's super sweet! Like just look at him!" You say pointing to Izuku, he blushes and smiles. "Second, if there's anything you want to know about heroes, that's the man to go to! And lastly, he cares for his friends so much. He loves them and will do anything for them, he honestly just wants the best for them." Izuku smiles, "plus if you ever want some cute dates, that's who you go to!" You exclaim.

You frown as you move onto the next slide, "okay so Mr. Grape Pervert, or known as Minoru Mineta. " You clear your throat with the *ahem* sound, "there's nothing good about him so next!" Minoru frowns as everyone laughs.

You smile, "and our last slide is about Momo Yaoyorozu! She is a natural leader, so definitely determined and focused! She encourages you and helps you out, she wants you to be the best you can be! And finally, she is a really great person. She's an amazing friend and always wants the best for you!" Momo smiles, "thank you (y/n)!" You smile and close your computer. "This was my presentation on why you should date the students of class 1-A. I really hope you did enjoy it! I meant it, you all, besides Mineta, are wonderful people. I'm so glad to have you as friends." You say, smiling.

I hope you enjoyed it! This took FOREVER!

I hope you have a great day!

[p-antomime]

dawn addiction.

— minors don't interact.

— wc: 3,3K

content + warnings: 18+, including: car sex, oral (female receiving), fingering, public sex (kinda of), unprotected sex, tummy bulge, pet names (dabi actually calls the reader "princess"), virginity loss (only mentioned), i bit of fluff bye

pairings: no quirk!dabi x fem!reader

— song: Press Your Number; by TAEMIN

After waking up alone one dark night without you sleeping next to him in the spacious bed placed in the middle of his room, Dabi catches himself thinking about you and feeling strange without having your warm body next to his in the bed. Thinking about Y/N was becoming a vicious habit for him and it was the kind of addiction that the more he fed, the more it seemed to swallow his sanity. However, he didn't blame you for not wanting to be seen or related to him, in a small town like the two of you Touya was the delinquent that people avoided interacting with lest they be excluded from that closed society.

He stretches to the side in order to get his own phone from the small table placed on the side of his bed and finds himself standing there for a few seconds feeling the smell of your body that permeated the pillow next to him. After taking a deep inhale, Dabi unlocks his cell phone to try to call you, but there is no answer, after all, it was past 1:00 AM in the dawn and Y/N was now probably lying in her own bed in her house trying to sleep.

The dark haired man lets out an impatient grunt before dropping the cell phone on the bed. He was deeply rooted in you and, because of that, feeling like an insane madman who was insisting on something that couldn't be his. But what could he do but fall in love with you after kissing your lips countless times and spreading your legs dangerously wide for him before claiming your virginity as his?

And the end of that night, just like all the others where you would finish fucking and you would shamefully put on your clothes to go home, would be filled by him masturbating with the thought of your naked body running through his mind.

Touya could feel the warm temperature of yours with little mental effort with his own fingers and would cling to the fading memories of the few non-sexual moments you had shared over the past few months.

That night, Dabi slept when the sun was already up, but Y/N, on the other hand, didn't even sleep a wink. She couldn't even take a lousy nap, because her eyes were glued to her cell phone screen waiting to see if he would call her again because on the first call of the night she wasn't brave enough to answer knowing that her parents were half a wall away. A coward? Yes, that's what she was. But there was a perfect daughter demeanor that she needed to maintain, especially if she wanted to continue to nurture her father's idea of letting her start studying at a university in the metropolitan area of the country.

Y/N would turn twenty a week from today — and if her father's promise to give you a car came true, her plan was already halfway done — and she didn't want to be stuck in that small, rural town forever. She had big dreams, and, ironically, in most of them the fulminating image of Dabi was present beside her. What if she was the only one there who wanted to leave that life? What if he didn't want to leave with her? But more importantly, at what point had their relationship become so deep?

It was now 7 o'clock in the morning, which meant that in about two hours your parents would wake up to go to work. You took a deep breath and reached out to grab the cell phone lying next to you on the bed, and then began to type a message as brief and vague as possible to your lover:

"Pack up all your stuff by next Friday. Take everything that you think is important or of value to you, pack it up, and meet me on the other side of the bridge that leads to the avenue out of town, the side that has the rusty 'Welcome to our town' sign. At two o'clock in the morning. No delays. And please try not to draw too much attention, wear the most decent, neutral clothes you have in your closet. Oh, and bring documents."

And all week long you could barely look your parents in the face without feeling guilty for wanting to break free from their protective arms, but you just couldn't take it anymore. You hated that small town, and you also hated being forced to go to church every Thursday and Sunday with your mother because she said that God would "bless you with all your dreams come true," so why didn't he just indirectly help you leave that town behind? Literally, the only thing holding you back in that town was Touya and you wanted to take him with you outside the boundaries of that town that looked more like a village forgotten by the rest of the world.

Y/N's favorite place to be was Dabi's lips, and even then, the girl's replies to him by messages and short calls that didn't last more than 5 minutes started to decrease drastically. The useless monologues continue to increase inside her mind. Until the Thursday before her birthday when Y/N was about to fall asleep after standing for almost 2 hours listening to the local church mass hoping that her mother would not notice her slouching and irritable posture, suddenly a sound of something banging against her bedroom window was heard. And initially she didn't bother to get up to find out what had caused the noise, until she heard it twice more and frowned as she got out of bed after seeing that it was almost two o'clock in the dawn.

You drew the curtains in front of the window, opened it and stuck your head out, looking down and suddenly feeling your cheeks heat up violently. And there was Touya looking at you with a look of sorrow and animosity. He pointed in the direction of the hidden backyard behind your house where the two of you in the beginning of your relationship used to hide just to spend some time together or have a make-out session that ended up leaving both of you sexually frustrated because neither of you had the courage to have sex in that place where anyone could see you if you made too much noise. However, Dabi was the devil in your life worth sinning for.

— What the fuck are you doing here? — Y/N asked almost desperately as she felt Touya wrap one of his arms around her waist to glue their bodies together.

— What? Can't a man miss his beloved and want to go see her? — He asked, holding her face with his free hand. — You barely answer my messages.

— I told you we were going to meet tomorrow, on Friday. — You rested your hands on his chest to move away just enough to look him in the face.

— And about that, you're killing me with curiosity, princess. What are you thinking of doing tomorrow? It's your birthday. — Dabi commented, running his thumb along her bottom lip affectionately.

— I-I know. — You replied, looking away. — I was planning on... going out... with you. — You just didn't say it was going to be an out-of-town trip with no intention of coming back.

— What are you hiding? — He asked, leaning down to place a simple, tender kiss on her lips.

— Would you follow me wherever I went?

— I would follow you to the ends of hell if you asked me to. — Dabi answered, and instinctively you grabbed his face to place your lips back on theirs in a kiss deeper than the one before in a frenzy of feeling.

— Then do it. — Y/N whispered against his lips staring into his beautiful turquoise eyes. — For my birthday the only thing I ask from you is to always be by my side, I don't need material gifts.

Seconds after you finished speaking, the sound of footsteps inside your house could be heard, and a shiver ran down your back as your hands desperately pushed Dabi away in the direction of the very door through which the two of you had entered the yard.

— Damn, not even at dawn I... — Touya began to complain as he walked briskly away from you and disappeared into the darkness of the night to return to his house.

— Shhh, shut up. I'll see you at dawn. Two o'clock, don't forget. — You whispered loud enough for him to hear you as you turned back and faced the back door of your house slowly opening to reveal to you the sleepy figure of your father.

— Honey? — He asked, and you gasped as if you were distracted by something while you could hear your heart beating rapidly. — What are you doing out here? It's late? and cold, you might catch cold.

— I... — Y/N looked around just to make sure there was no more sign of Dabi. — I heard a noise here when I went down to get some water and just wanted to come down and see if it wasn't an animal or something. But it was nothing, I guess it was just my mind playing with me. — It was a good enough lie considering that it wasn't hard to wake up during the night to go to the bathroom or eat something from the fridge.

And then your father called you inside and you promptly went. As the day went on, not even your father's birthday present with the car seemed to quell the anxiety inside you of going to see Dabi in the middle of the night with no intention of coming home. Y/N packed three backpacks and after watching your parents go to sleep, put them all on the back seats of the car after grabbing the keys that your father had left on top of the coffee table in the living room, and also grabbing some money from your father's safe that was in a secluded room in the residence.

After writing a short, albeit long, letter explaining to her mother that she was going to the metropolitan city — but without saying with whom — to try a new life there and that you would be fine because "there were friends waiting for you there" — which was a big lie, but she didn't need to know that — Y/N put on a sweatshirt and ran out of her now former home. Remembering all the various driving lessons her mother had made her take last year, you put the key in the ignition and made sure that your license and other documents were in one of the pockets of the three backpacks on the back seats. And you set off across town to reach the end of the bridge that served as both a gateway into and out of the city, parking exactly beside the welcome sign.

After about fifteen minutes, you watched a silhouette approach through the darkness, and if you didn't recognize the blue-toned sweatshirt with white details that Dabi usually wore when he didn't want to attract attention, you would surely lock yourself inside your car for fear that it was some sexual predator. Before he could finish approaching you at the agreed upon spot and open his mouth to vocalize something, you ran toward him to jump into his arms and kiss him fervently like you hadn't done in almost two weeks. He didn't fight your grip and responded to your display of affection instantly, he missed your touch more than he would admit.

— Where are we going? — He asked, analyzing her new car as he watched you open the back seat door and gestured for him to put his own belongings inside.

— To the big city. — You answered unlocking the door next to the driver's seat after hearing Dabi choke on his own saliva looking at you as if he hadn't heard you correctly. — Come in. — Your head swiveled inward.

— What do you mean we're going to the city? What about your parents? You have a loving family here, I have nothing to lose, but you? — Dabi put one hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently.

— I want to go to the city. I want to live with you. — Y/N replied feeling her cheeks heat up and looking at him expectantly. — You said you would go anywhere with me, to the ends of hell.

— And I will, but this decision... — You interrupted him.

— Please. For once in my life I want to do things my way. Without having to hide you from anyone, without having anyone judge me for being with you. Let's go to another city, live together, we'll figure it out when we get there. — You put one hand on his forearm, squeezing it gently.

Touya took a few seconds to process the information and after looking from you to the car, he said:

— Where are the keys? — You waved them in front of him, flashing an amused smile. — So get in the car, doll face. I'll drive. — He gave you a light slap on the butt before pushing you toward the driver's seat, getting into the car and putting the key in the ignition. — How long until we reach the city?

— About six hours, we can get there in the morning.

— Great. — Dabi started the car and began to drive along the deserted road while resting one hand on Y/N’s covered thigh and occasionally giving the area a gentle squeeze.

After about an hour of driving, you became distracted by fiddling with your cell phone until you noticed his long fingers sneaking up and over your thighs until they came dangerously close to Dabi's real intended destination. Her eyes cast a serious countenance at him as if she were silently saying: "Don't you dare" and in response his lips parted in a defiant smile as his hand on the steering wheel slowed and eventually brought the car to a full stop.

— C'mon. It's been almost two weeks since we had sex. — He said, lowering the two seats you were sitting on and pulling you to sit on his lap with your back against the steering wheel.

— And the best place you could find to have sex was inside my new car? — Despite your complaint, you didn't try to restrain his hands from reaching into your sweatshirt to grab and squeeze your breasts, nor did you object to the feeling of his knee pressing against the middle of your legs.

Touya lifts your arms and pulls up your sweatshirt and then concentrates on removing the simple tank top and lacy bra you were wearing, shortly after which he leans over your body to take one of your nipples between his lips to begin stimulating it. In response, you rub your hips against his leg as your hands grip his dark hair as a way to relieve the growing tension settling through your body. His hands slowly slid down your back, past your waist and into your pants, while his right hand also invaded your panties to run his fingers over your pussy lips and his left was busy opening the buttons of that garment.

Y/N put her hands on the hem of his sweatshirt, pulled it up, and was not surprised to see him with nothing underneath. Strangely enough, his skin was naturally too warm and it was not hard to believe that even with the low temperature outside the car he would only need a casual sweatshirt to not feel cold. And that was exactly why you liked so much to run your hands along his body exploring him calmly to make your touches last longer.

Dabi turned his body so that you were lying on the passenger seat and stood over you with a smug smile as his hands dug in and squeezed the skin of your legs after he finished getting rid of your pants with some difficulty because of the tight space.

— Keep your legs open for me or I won't let you cum, princess. — He whispered, sliding his mouth down her torso to her pelvis and pulling her hips up as high as possible before burying his fingers inside her pussy and enveloping her clit with his lips.

Y/N's hands gripped Touya's now messy hair and pushed his face against her hip in search of more of that mind-blowing pleasure she had missed for the few days she had been avoiding him. Suddenly the car became extremely hot, almost to the point where you both felt suffocated and ironically neither of you cared about that, not when Dabi was curving his fingers and sucking your clit in the way that always made your vision cloud and too loud moans escape your mouth. But, you didn't want to cum in his mouth, so your hands moved his face away from your hips and pulled his body up.

— Please, Touya, I need you inside me. — Her voice was slurred by her rapid breathing.

Dabi didn't need you to say anything else, he just stepped back briefly to get rid of the clothes that were still covering his lower body, adjusted your hips to his, leaned on the car door behind your body and guided his cock to the entrance of your pussy. As you felt him fill and enlarge you completely with his tip rubbing against your cervix, you groaned, leaning on his shoulders to face him and watching the small rise against your belly that was always present when that black haired man penetrated you.

Touya slid one hand down your neck and closed his fingers around your neck applying just the right amount of pressure to make waves of pleasure run through your body and not to hurt you. He began to move and Y/N passed her legs around his waist moving her body downward every time Dabi moved upward, occasionally he would take her lips on his just because he liked to feel her moans against his mouth and the rhythm of his hips gradually began to get harder and faster.

— I should cum inside you, hmm? — Touya asked, keeping eye contact with you every moment he thrust inside you again and making you clench your walls around his length without you even realizing it. — Damn, I love you so much, you have no idea what I would do for you.

— So show me. — You grabbed the wrist of his hand that was still resting on your neck and squeezed it without too much force. — Make me your girl.

With a smug and satisfied smile, he continued thrusting himself against her insides to the point where her hips began to ache just seconds before she reached her own orgasm with her nails digging into the skin of Touya's arm and her back arching as spasms coursed through her entire body at a high rate of speed. He gave a few thrusts against your pussy until the white streaks of cum painted your insides and slowly pulled out of you, wanting to prolong the feeling of having you squeeze him some more.

Dabi let his tired body fall back against the driver's seat and concentrated on stabilizing his breathing while you did the same as you looked up at him with the following thought running through your mind: "This is definitely the man I want to be with forever". The thought made your cheeks burn and it didn't go unnoticed by him:

— What? — One of his eyebrows arched.

— Nothing, I was just thinking... about you, about us. — You answered, starting to look around the car for your clothes, and an amused laugh came from Touya's mouth, who looked at you tenderly.

— So I'm always on your mind?

— More than you think, yes. — Y/N answered, leaning over to place a tender kiss at the corner of his lips. — Now get ready, get your clothes, let's get back on the road.

— Can we fuck again before we get to the city again? — Her eyes narrowed in disapproval.

— Shut up, you idiot.

[mielesis]

Hiya! Uhm so I believe Apollo is reaching out to me however he is the first ever deity to really reach out with me and I’m not sure where I should start or do and I was wondering if you had any tips or ideas?

[English is not my first language, I am a self-taught person, please understand this goes with my greatest effort from the bottom of my heart and will probably spend hours writing this very carefully for you, thank you <3]

Hi dear, of course, I will be pleased to help you

“I believe Apollo is reaching out to me”

I am deeply happy to hear that, I bet he is -for sure- trying to reach out to you and -I must say- it is truly wonderful to start recieving signs from deities, specially from Apollo as the first deity since he’s really sweet and caring for his children. 

“I’m not sure where I should start or do and I was wondering if you had any tips or ideas?” Of course, it is always a pleasure to help. 

So let’s start with the basics: 

Research ! I recommend you to research about him as much as you can (e.g stories, domains, symbols, offerings, etc.) with that done, it will be easier for you to spot more signs. Research sometimes is the best way to connect with a deity and also that allows you to let them know you are interested in them as well. 

Whenever you feel ready for the next step, I suggest you to tell him properly that you accept him in your life, this can be done by making a playlist, writing, playing an instrument, drawing, etc in his honor (e.g if you chose a playlist, set the intention that the playlist itself is going to be in Apollo’s honor, made with particular songs that reminded you of him or his energy only), I consider that it is important to present yourself as well ! he presented himself to you but you haven´t yet so you can talk to him mentally or out loud (or even when doing something in his honor) and tell him your name and about what you like to do, how you felt with the signs, etc. In my opinion that is a wonderful activity to do. 

Again, only when you feel ready and sure about it, you can begin to create his altar (it can be physical or digital, don´t worry) and it is not necessary to be aesthetically pleasing or buy super expensive things because your altar will be the place where you will leave offerings to Apollo, sincere offerings coming from the bottom of your heart (e.g play a song from spotify that reminded you of him, a flower you picked up from the park, a drawing you made thinking of him, etc.) Therefore every altar is unique, we all make the devotional acts we feel good with and we know that will connect us with Apollo in some way or another. In the case you don’t know where to start with the physical altar, I suggest you to choose a place you feel good with and clean it physically and spiritually, I always tend to choose the north but you can choose any other direction. After you have that done, you can place a table or use a desk, a box, whatever you want or already have that you can use. Choose the things you would like to fill your altar with, (e.g a yellow candle, statue/pictures of Apollo, an offering bowl or anything that could complete the same function, sun/lyre/sunflower imagery, etc.) and then you will be filling it with more offerings such as poetry, drawings, music pieces, medicinal plants, etc. because Apollo usually make his children re-connect with art, joy and self-care, medicine principally. 

About the devotional acts you can do for him, I will leave you a list:

- Say goodmorning/goodnight to him

- Sunflowers

- Bay leaves

- Humming/ singing a song you like (it doesn´t matter if you don´t sing on tune, he will be happy with you performing in his honor)

- Writing poetry or spoken word 

- Playing an instrument 

- Reading his myths to him

- Take care of yourself !! he loves when his children take their medicines or care about their health in general

- Take a walk under the sun

- Talk about him

- Make him a playlist

- Bake some lemon/orange/honey cookies

- Apples

- Honey

- Sun water

- Olive oil

- Lyre/archery imagery

- A swan decoration

- Donate to local artists

- Take a mini first aid kit with you

- Listen music you love next to his altar

- Dance in his honor !! (again, it doesn´t matter if you don´t know how to dance, just move, jump, move your hands, whatever you feel comfortable with but - feel the music, free your body- he will love that !!

- Leave him some sunstones and crystals related to him

- Read about him, research about him, talk about him, he loves when his children give him attention hehe

- Give him chocolate (other devotees agree he likes it)

- Hydratate yourself !!

- Always treat yourself with kindness

Now it´s time to list the ways deities can use to communicate with us:

- Thoughts, sometimes deities will reply to you through your own mind as crazy as it sounds !! you only have to trust your intuition as well

- Dreams, if you dream about Apollo or any symbol related to him, a message or something you feel it was from him, believe in it !!

- Meditations, some deities use meditation to communicate with us, as well as in dreams, they send us images, symbols, words, etc.

- Pendulum (I personally don´t practice it yet) but you can search here on tumblr

- Tarot, same as the pendulum, sorry I can´t provide you properly information about this one

- Candles flames, this was the second connection I had with him and how he told me to take care about my lungs, it is really easy to learn but also have to believe in your own intuition !!

- Animals/symbols/songs/etc, sometimes Apollo connects with his children through animals or songs, he usually sends crows

- Emotions, in my personal experience I had something called “emotional numbness”, I couldn´t feel any joy nor sadness, I was like a robot but since I connected with Apollo (and also did my shadow work !!) I feel happiness in everything, I go out and feel deeply happy under the sun, I re-connected with art and even overcomed my major depressive episode, so yes, Apollo is really caring and sweet with his children

- People, sometimes deities connect with us through other people, specially healing people, happy people, etc or even a stranger who feels the necessity to give or tell us something that can be considered as a message from Apollo

I think I wrote everything I wanted you to know !!

I hope this was helpful to you and as a final advice: do as you feel like it, everyone is unique and will recieve unique signs, at unique times. I wish you the best in this new journey !! and I’d for sure love to have an update from you ! 

With lots of love,

Miel <3

[espritmuse]

Zeke and Reiner birthday collab!! It was supposed to be longer but my sens of organisations is close to zero so I was late as usual @saccharine-darling collab!!!

4K words, smut ahead (but not that much lol)

Warning: reader is low-key cheating, semi public sex maybe angst too idk….

Perhaps the sun, always glorious and a harbinger of delight and bliss, reminded you of how dull and dreary your life was, while the moon and its obscurity brought you back to your slumbers and reveries.

On a bright day when everything seemed dark, questioning your relationship with Reiner, you met him, Zeke Yeager, like a light among the stars, like the moon eclipsing the sun for a mere moment, but maybe long enough to forget about how bright the sun used to shine.

—LUNAR ECLIPSE—

A single tiny piece of sunshine that seemed to escape from the firmament to find refuge, a curtain slightly ajar so that the darkness did not take over the whole room and one side of the bed unmade, the grey cotton sheets crumpled as usual, as they have been every morning for several months now. It was all these little details, in addition to your noisy alarm clock, the passers-by and the cars in the city streets, that brought you out of your long and sweet reverie, the one that allowed you to escape from your daily life, which was morose, to say the least.

You gathered up what courage you had left and got up after stretching your numb limbs from the awkward position you had been in while sleeping. Walking a few steps to reach the window, you opened the shutters and curtains to finally let the sweet sunshine into the sad room, which needed it. Although you had no desire to see him again, your stomach was just rumbling with anticipation of anything that might fill it. So you opened the white wooden door, turned the gold handle, and headed for the main room of your little flat.

"Morning." You greeted with a sigh before opening one of the small doors in the wall shelves to pick up a black patterned mug into which you poured coffee straight from the coffee pot.

"Hm." The short-haired man simply replied without even bothering to look in your direction, as if he didn't care about your presence anymore.

You didn't even care, you'd taught your heart not to feel bruised by every loveless move he made. He just couldn't stand you anymore, he didn't love you like he used to. You don't know what changed, what you could have done to make your sweet and loving boyfriend suddenly change his behaviour.. The idea that he had met someone else had crossed your mind more than once, but you didn't even dare ask him; you were frightened of the answer he might address you. Despite his silence, you never stopped loving him and it hurt you deeply that he could have gone to someone else, another girl, maybe more beautiful, funnier... It's all these questions that have little by little pushed you away from him in your turn.

"Did you sleep well? It was hot last night and I had a little trouble falling asleep.” But you tried to talk to him, no matter what, you always found something to say to try to reconnect with the man you loved.

With the summer, the heat and the sun, he had even more excuses to go out at all hours of the day so you had even less opportunity to see him. At times you can't help but think back to the days when you would jump into his arms as soon as you heard his keys turn in the front door lock, when you would spend the evening in each other's arms whispering sweet nothings. You think back on those moments with great melancholy, you don't even feel like the same man anymore.

“Yeah.” Once again, he didn't look at you; his head was turned towards the television, which was showing a programme even more boring than the questions you were asking him to break the ice. Slumped on the sofa, his left leg stretched out and the other bent; you sat down next to him and put your cup on the living room’s small coffee table.

"We could go out today, don't you think? I miss when we used to go for walks in the city Reiner." You asked, your eyes on him, and thankfully you noticed a small movement in his regard as if in a second he had recalled happy memories, memories where everything still seemed perfect.

"I...I already have stuff planned." He replied after a short moment, his gaze still evasive.

"Oh...Okay." You simply answered, not wanting to annoy him longer, maybe that was the reason; you were too much on his back, you were asking for too much attention...

Silently sipping your coffee, you pondered for a moment, your mind elsewhere. After a few minutes of communicating to yourself, you made your settlement. You were going to go out without him, you didn’t need him for everything. It had been weeks since you had been out with just yourself and you were beginning to miss it; when you officially moved in with him, away from your family, you lost touch with many of your friends so it was high time to meet new people and have some fun for once.

So the day passed, the noon and then the afternoon; you had decided to go out at night to appreciate everything even better, the big lights on the main boulevard, itself filled with people dancing -contrasting with their morose faces of the day-, the bars full of life, the stars overhanging the sky and giving it a bit of light in its solitary gloom...Everything seemed more beautiful once the sun was down. Perhaps the sun, always bright and a harbinger of delight and hapiness, reminded you of how dull and dreary your life was, while the moon and its night brought you back to your slumbers and reveries.

Using your phone, you took down the address of a bar in your town that you had spotted earlier on one of your walks. It was quite big but seemed to be a bit of an upmarket bar, given the prices of the drinks. But you didn't give up, it was your night out, all to yourself and it didn't matter if you ended up broke, you wanted to have fun for once.

So when night fell, you put on your best evening dress, a short black dress, hugging your body to perfection without being too tight, and your pumps of the same colour - a little high and uncomfortable, but that would be a problem for later -. And of course, you took forever to make yourself beautiful in the bathroom, make-up, eyebrows, nails... Who knows, maybe you were going to meet someone, or maybe somewhere in the back of your mind, you wished Reiner would see you like this, that he would fall in love with you again like he did a few years before when he saw you at that campus party. You would have liked him to compliment you, to ask you to stay home, or even to ask you out instead; but none of that; he was already off somewhere while you were primping in the next room.

Turning the key in the lock of the front door, you then went down the stairs quickly - trying not to fall with your impractical high heels - and went to the taxi you had ordered beforehand because, although the bar was not far away, you were still a woman in a short dress at night and you didn't want to put your life in danger. Once in the car, the driver began to drive carefully, exchanging a word or two with you so that the journey would not be too boring.

"So, a girls' night out? It's a beautiful day right now, even at night, you're lucky to see the stars in the city, with the pollution, not everyone gets to see them so often." The man says to you, hands on the wheel, looking straight ahead, preparing to brake at the red light.

"Yeah, that's right. I'm going out to have some fun." You simply replied to the white-haired, long-bearded widow with the same unkempt light colour.

"In my day, me and my friends used to run out of bars, unpaid!" He recalled with a smile as he looked at you through the car window to look at your smiling face, too. "So if you need me to wait for you outside the bar so you can escape, don't hesitate, the police have never caught me...yet."

"It's going to be hard for me to run around with these things on my feet...but I'll make a note, the prices are outrageous." You replied to his somewhat amusing remark.

The car had been driving for several minutes now and you saw the front of the bar, so the driver pulled over and waited for you to give him the money for the fare, which you said after digging into your wallet for a few seconds.

“Take care of yourself miss” He finally said before rolling up the driver's side window and leaving.

You breathed out a deep breath before crossing the street that separated you from the place. It was, like all the other signs of this kind, much more animated at this hour and more beautiful too. Its many lights of all colours and the people who surrounded it, some outside to smoke or drink and others, inside laughing with friends, that you could see between the half-open doors... All this gave an astonishing charm to this place.

Your legs a little shaky with hesitation, you finally entered, putting your hands on one of the glass doors to push it open slightly to give yourself more room to pass. You quickly made your way to the bar at the far right of the large room. To avoid people who had already had too much to drink, you stayed close to the walls, walking quickly along them to wait for the right place. Although your steps went in one direction, your eyes, curious as they are, turned towards the dance floor and the other people present. They seemed so happy, full of life, smiling, dancing... You wondered immediately if, like you, their lives were not a reflection of their current emotions, if, like you, they woke up in the morning, sad with the feeling that their lives are meaningless. They seem so happy at the time, but are they really happy once the sun rises, once the bar lights go out?

You took a seat on one of the leather stools placed at the counter, waiting for a waiter to ask you what you wanted to order. A simple whisky, that's what you took when the waiter came towards you.

Sipping your drink -or rather the second one, as you had swallowed the first one in record time-, you continued to look at the others, indefinitely, when you heard a voice break your precious silence; it was the bar's waiter once again but this, this time he was holding a small plate with two drinks on it.

"Excuse me, here," he placed two more glasses of whiskey in front of you, "The man over there paid for you." He nodded towards another part of the room to your puzzled look. In the distance, there was a group of men who looked like businessmen, from the black suits they were still wearing. You didn't know which man he was talking about, there were several of them; two with blond hair, one who looked very effeminate and the other with glasses and a beard; a dark-skinned man with closely shaved hair and finally a dark-haired man who seemed to be smaller in stature, especially compared to one of the blond men beside him.

You turned back your head to its original position, a little smile on your face, proud that your charm was still working, and what's more, on a man who seemed rather attractive - because, even if you didn't know which man the drink came from, the four of them were rather to your liking -

"Is this seat taken?" A deep yet soft voice suddenly asked, taking you out of your reverie.

You turned towards the noise you had just heard and noticed that a young man, about your age or maybe older, was pointing with his index finger at the chair next to yours. He was one of the guys you just saw some minutes prior, one of the blonde, the one with the beard and the round silver glasses.

“Oh...No. No, it’s not, you can take it,” you answered as naturally as possible, with a smile that had not yet left your lips. The unamed man said before sitting on the chair at your right, he had a cup in his hand, half empty.

“So...What a girl like you is doing here..” he leaned over a little to look at the other vacant seat on your left. “...all by herself?”

"Oh well, I was supposed to come with someone but they dropped me... so I preferred to come alone." you replied honestly, your eyes looking into his.

"He doesn't know what he's missing then." He added with a small smile and a discreet wink.

Although the man was attractive, you weren't used to that anymore; going out to bars, being accosted…Since you were with Reiner, you had developed the habit of always replying negatively to the advances of men. But at the moment everything was racing through your brain, you didn't even know what he was doing tonight and he didn't even bother to ask you where you were going, as if he didn't care anymore.

To have fun. That was the promise you made to yourself, and you decided to keep it.

"Zeke, nice to meet you. "You finally told him after he asked your name and, of course, you asked his in return.

Maybe it was the liquor, or maybe it was the sense of freedom you hadn't had the pleasure of feeling in months, but for some reason you'd ended up chatting with him for hours. You knew that time was passing, thanks to the waiter's digital watch that lit up every time he lifted his arm to look for a bottle up high, your eyes were directed straight to the sudden glimpse of light in the darkness.

He offered to dance, which you refused, for fear that your heels would give out under your inexperienced movements - or maybe those embarrassing movements were the real reason - and then he offered you something else, something a little daring, maybe even too daring for the short time you'd both been sitting at the bar.

You accepted, without even considering too much, maybe you should have? or maybe the adrenaline and the alcohol in your veins spoke for you. This man had appeared like lightning in the middle of a storm, the moon in the middle of a sky devoid of light. In other words, he was there at the right time.

So there you were, without really knowing how or why, sitting on the edge of one of the sinks in the bar's toilets, your dress somewhat raised so that your skin could come into contact with the cold surface of the piece of furniture, your legs spread -it was almost pathetic- and his hands placed on your half-opened thighs, rough hands, large and painted with several blue veins, contrasting with his rather light skin and which gave in spite of themselves a little colour to his light skin.

"Are you sure no one will come and disturb us here?" You asked, putting your hands on his chest, still dressed, although he had removed his black blazer. Only a white shirt prevented you from coming into direct contact with his skin, the one you wanted so much, now.

"Don't worry...just relax, okay?" He moved closer to you and placed a soft kiss on your neck that made your eyelids close almost instantly.

His lips began to move freely over your face and chest, as if they couldn't decide where to land. His arms were still wrapped around you, moving around your back, catching the fabric of your dress at times, as if to bring you closer to him.

While your eyelids were still closed, your ears were attentive to every little sound in the room, as if they were ready to inform your body of someone's arrival or, as was the case now, to hear the zip of his trousers being quickly undone.

"Are you sure?" You felt his warm breath next to your ears, as if he were telling you a well-kept secret.

"I'm sure." You retorted, ready to submit to one of the cardinal sins. Although, you would have much preferred that he took you home, for comfort, at least.

You felt his long, hot member between your thighs, with a long sigh of your own. He was already hard as a rock, and you wet as the ocean, for a flash of a second you wondered if this was his intention all along and if he had noticed you as soon as you stepped into that bar and then, a little heat growing in your crotch made you forget about this useless questioning.

You tried not to be too blatant, but as his pelvic thrusts got more profound and faster, you couldn't stop a few moans from escaping your lips.

"Fuck...a body like that.." He commented, using two of his fingers to push the fabric of the neckline of your dress and expose one of your breasts to the air.

"Zeke..." You moaned languidly as he continued his back and forth.

"What? You don't agree maybe? Look at you." He questioned, though his question was mostly rhetorical at this point because yes, indeed, you had noticed what a disadvantageous position you were in. "Poor girl... so desperate, I almost feel sorry for you, you know"

Then he stopped for a moment and grabbed you by the waist, pulling you down from the sink where your feet did not touch the floor. He turned you, a little violently, and pressed your belly against the surface of the sink, allowing him to have a full view of everything below, which, as you could imagine, he was most interested in.

He kept his burning hands on your hips - you could feel it even through the lmere piece of tissue that separated your skin from his - to help his pelvis move even harder, which released even more little moans from you, trying as hard as you could to muffle them with the palm of your hand, though it was more than futile.

"I'm almost there...Fuck you feel amazing..." he groaned in a hoarse voice, his movements becoming more and more tired but still rough, as if he wanted to get it over with quickly.

With all the alcohol you'd ingested -which you weren't really used to doing anymore- your envy was even bigger than usual but, strangely, your pleasure wasmore distant, as if each movement was taking you further away from the orgasm. But you didn't give up, your lower body was still on fire, as if insatiable, never satiated - although the fingers he placed on your clitoris helped a little with that -

With a final grunt from him and a long moan from you, your mutual pleasure finally came to an end. And suddenly all your senses came back to you; you felt his hips pressed against you, his hands roaming over your half-dressed body, the surface of the washbasin which was no longer really cold thanks to your own warmth, the air conditioning of the toilet which didn't even have a window and finally, the dimmed lights of the room.

He withdrew from you after a few seconds -or maybe a few minutes, you didn't even know anymore-, removed the soiled condom he had put on beforehand and wrapped it in paper before throwing it precautiously in the trash. Returning to you a moment later, he pulled up the black lace lingerie that had been left on one of your calves and pulled your dress back on, placing a gentle kiss on your shoulder, in stark contrast to his rough actions earlier.

Once out of the toilet, under the innocent gaze of the other customers, he proposed to you, leaning against the wall near the exit, to meet him the next day, at an address he had given you, that of his flat. Should you? You had felt so good a few minutes before, but now that you had regained your senses, everything was confused. Sure he was charismatic, quite funny and cultured but Reiner couldn't leave your consciousness so easily, you had been through so much with him, you couldn't leave him after just one night with another man.

But you accepted. You were not committed to anything, you had only given him your name; you would have the whole day to think quietly, away from the hustle and bustle of the bar and with less alcohol flowing through your veins.

So after a simple kiss on your cheek, he called you a taxi and even opened the door for you, wishing you a good night. The ride was short, you didn't even think about him for a second but only about Morpheus, who seemed to be screaming your name, your comfortable bed was the only thing you craved now.

***

Just a tiny bit of sunlight sticking out of the door, one hand on the handle and the other on your purse, a great gulp of air escaping from your lungs and finally, the guilt that took over your mind suddenly, once the door was open.

What the fuck had you done.

The blond boy with the marked facial features was there, lying on the couch, his body covered by one of your blankets and, in his sleeping hand, his phone still open on the messaging application where you could read your name. You turned on your phone, something you hadn't done all evening.

"Where are you? You're not home." Please come back home I have a surprise for you. "Hey?" "Please tell me that you're okay at least. "I love you." "Sorry"

You were confused, it had been a long time since he had stopped sending you such messages, words that seemed to indicate his attachment to you. So you turned on one of the lamps in the living room to get a better look, because the light from the television wasn't bright enough to illuminate the whole room.

A table covered with a red tablecloth with small decorative patterns, a large candle in the centre, which had once been lit by the dripping wax but was now out and cold, two plates and cutlery, one full and one half eaten, and to top it all off, your old friend the Guilt, who was just whispering maliciously in your ears.

"You're back..."

At the sound of the still sleeping little voice, your eyes suddenly widened and your body felt heavy now, as if your legs were going to give out under your weight. But you turned back to him, not looking at all. He looked tired and was dressed in his pyjamas, a simple white tank top with grey shorts.

"Oh hi." You replied simply, a little confused by the situation.

He walked towards you, with a shy smile on his face, like a child trying to get close to a wild animal that might run away at any moment.

"I wanted to... "He looked down at your outfit and his gaze shifted for a moment, as if he'd just realised you'd spent the night away from home and, as he knew you didn't really have any friends here, that you'd spent it out there alone. But he didn't say a word and continued, "I wanted to apologise. I've been a shit to you and I know that. I'm so sorry, I know you deserve better, but I promise I'll make it up to you."

You frowned and opened your mouth, letting fresh air enter between your lips. Reiner probably read the confused and shocked expression on your face, so he continued.

"I had so much on my mind right now, you know, I feel so bad. I would do anything for you..I..I don't know...I should have told you about it my love I'm sorry." You saw a tear escape from his right eye, almost reaching his rosy cheek before he wiped it away with his hand, "Maybe we could try again?" with his fragile fingers, he took you by the hand and looked you straight in the eyes. "Please, I love you so much."

You should have been happy. You should have jumped into his arms, told him that all was forgiven, promised him a bright future, put your lips against his. But you were as if frozen, like a criminal before the police, like a slow prey before its fast predator.

So you stood there, forcing a small smile that on the surface said 'all is well' but in reality depicted your unhappiness even more than the tears. He responded to your smile, wrapping his warm arms around you, as you had so dreamed of, as you would have loved this very morning.

You couldn't even think straight. Had he planned all this for you? That's why he didn't want to go out. And you had gone elsewhere, while all he could think about was you, all he could think about was making things right.

Lying. It was the only solution. You wouldn't see Zeke again tomorrow, you would forget him, this evening would be a distant memory, like a dream so realistic that you would almost forget that it had never happened.

Like the moon on an eclipse day, it had hidden the sun, almost making you forget its beauty and warmth, temporarily providing some comfort in the dark night that the luminous orb had caused when it suddenly left.

It was tears that lulled you that night, under the mocking eye of the moon.

[kaiparker-avengerssmut]

Their Doll 15

Bucky

B.Barnes x Stark!Reader, S.Rogers x Stark!Reader

series synopsis:  y/n Stark, all records of her non existent, and yet Hydra still find her. When she is kidnapped by a certain super-soldier and no one believes her, she finds herself searching for unexpected familiarity in her not-so-distant past.

Series Warnings: smut, violence, torture, swearing

Chapter Summary: Tony throws a party, bucky returns

Warnings: kissing, swearing

A/n: The timeline in this has been altered, as there I things I wanted to include but I also wanted this fic to follow the storyline/timeline of Winter Soldier and Civil war.So for purposes of this fanfic, Peter Parker was discovered by Tony at a much younger age - when he was bitten - and has been an intern with him since, almost like a protégée.(For the purposes of this story Peter was bitten much younger too - more like when he was 9 or ten rather than 14/15)

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

It's been nearly six months since I escaped HYDRA a second time, and since then all me and Steve have done is have sex. It's glorious, the freedom (and the pleasure) that comes with being with Steve, and I love him more and more every day. He told me he loved me about a months ago, over a candle-lit dinner and a bunch of roses. It was so sweet, but I am yet to say the words back to him. Well, not that I've been talking much, per say.

My voice was slowly returning, yet I still couldn't string together more than two words and my voice was far from being strong or sounding like it used to.

Bruce had miraculous found some medication that helped, and abashedly admitted that if the sex was helping me make any noise, it should continue.

One of the main issues, is that almost everyone except my dad had been walking on eggshells around me for months. And in new exactly why. It's because they're yet to bring him the soldier.

And if I'm being a hundred percent honest, I'm slightly happy they haven't yet. After all, I don't know if I could bury my feelings towards him and that wouldn't be fair to Steve. And yet in being fair to Steve, I was being cruel to the soldier. After all, to make Steve comfortable, I'm mentally condemning the soldier to continue the horrid and violent lifestyle that comes with HYDRA.

I shake the overcrowding thoughts off, resetting my stance before landing a pinch to the bag.

"Good." Steve praises, stood beside the swinging bag with his arms crossed over his chest. I continue to punch it hard, focusing more on the strength than the technique as I try and will away the flurries thoughts in my mind. "Why don't we try that thing you always get wrong?" Steve asks, almost mockingly. I shoot him a glare. He chuckled, unwrapping my fists for my before bringing me over to the table where our water sat. I took a big pull of the refreshing liquid, barely paying attention as Steve readies the targets.

When I saunter over, he hands me a set of small, but agile, blades before stepping away. I clear my throat, putting myself into the correct stance before giving my boyfriend a nod. Steve nods back, pressing the button before the human-shaped targets begin to move. They're staggered, the last one so far back I can never seem to hit the bullseye. No matter how many times a I try - which is at least once a day - I can never hit it.

The aim is to hit the targets in order of closest to furthest, burying the blade in the mannequins' chests where the red dots it. I take a deep breath, letting my wrist fall loose. I release the blade of my exhale, watching with narrowed eyes as it sinks itself into the black dummy's chest. I let out a breath I was holding, moving onto the next one. Bullseye. Bullseye. Bullseye. Onto the last target, my vision focused, my mind centred on the farther and the target only.

Inhale. Focus. Exhale. Throw.

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed, before my hand quickly flys to my mouth, slapping over my lips in shock. It was almost cartoonish, the way Steve's eyes widened like a deer in headlights before the brightest, wolfish grin became his lips.

The knife had wizzed through the air, breezing past the other targets before the tip was piercing smoothly through the little red dot at its heart. Bullseye.

"Holy shit." I repeat, a smile pulling the corners of my mouth up. Steve rushed forward, engulfing my knees a bone-crushing hug before lifting me from the ground and spinning around with me in his arms.

"You spoke!" He rejoiced.

"I can talk! My voice - it's back!" I was starstruck, completely and utterly speechless. I can talk.

"Holy shit indeed." A voice came from behind us.

"Tony." Steve greeted as he let me down, my feet already carrying me across the room until I was enveloped in my dad's arms too.

"We should celebrate. I'm throwing you a party." Tony decided, placing a kiss to my hair. "Tonight. Wear something nice, both of you." He pulled away, looking pointedly at me and Steve before retreating with a smile.

...

I stood before my mirror, hands smoothing over the dark blue fabric laying over my hips. I breathed deeply, head tilting to the side as I studied myself. I wore a silky blue dress that cling to my waist and fell elegantly down from my hips, hitting my ankles and presenting a thigh-high slit on one side. The dress barely had a back, the front showing just enough cleavage to be considered teasing. Around my neck I wore a necklace steve had given me the night he told me he loved me, and I couldn't help but breath out a laugh at the small silver Captain America shield charm hanging from it. I wore some shoes I new I'd regret - trainers. Plain, white canvas shoes that totally ruined the look. But I'd never worn heels before, and I didn't feel like embarrassing myself at my own party.

My hair fell over my shoulders in loose curls, make up simple as I never tended to wear any anyway.

I took a deep breath, opening my room door to be greeted by Steve. He was dashing, clad in a navy blue suit and tie, his hair slightly messy bit in a hot way, and his blue eyes gleaming.

"You look breathtaking, doll." He commented, eyes scanning over my body, clearly lingering on the slit in my dress. I smirked slightly, looping my arm with his outstretched one.

"You look rather handsome yourself." I smiled sweetly, not missing the way steve held back a laugh when he finally noticed my choice of footwear. "Hey!" I laughed, slapping his arm playfully.

"I'm sorry, doll. I just didn't quite expect it." He sniggered, making me scoff and roll my eyes.

"And what did you expect? Three foot tall, strappy heels? When have you even seen me in anything besides trainers or tactical boots, Rogers?" I asked pointedly, shutting Steve up. When we reached the main room when my part was already in full swing, Steve pulled my close to him, coaxing a gasp from my lips.

"And where would you be hiding your knives tonight?" Steve murmured in my ear, nibbling on the lob as his arm kept me firmly pressed against him. It was a little joke we'd formed, as every time I was out in public steve managed to find a knife on me somewhere - in a pocket, down my bra, tucked into the waistband of whatever I was wearing, you name it. To anyone else, we simple looked to be having a normal conversation like any couple would've, but it was much more than that. I assumed in his question Steve was referring to my backless dress that hung so low there's no way I'd even find a way to wear underwear with it. So I went without.

"If tonight goes how I'm planning, you'll have plenty of time to find out for yourself." I whispered against his neck, smirking when his adam's apple bobbed. I sauntered away slowly, making sure my hips swayed as I walked.

The party flew by, people I could hardly remember greeting me and telling me how much they'd missed me as if they'd been some kind of surrogate mother or something to me.

That's where I currently found myself, a fake smile so big it was probably obvious plastered over my face as I nodded along whenever May said something. Peter stood beside her, champagne flute that I just new was filled with appletiser clutched in his hand, smirk hidden behind the rim of the glass at my pained expression.

"So how long have you been home?" May asked, smile so genuine it was embarrassing how fake my own was.

"Only about six months." I smiled back, eyes darting around the room nervously looking for an escape.

"Six months?! You should've met up with Peter sooner! You would've hung out with her, right Peter?" May exclaimed, turning to her nephew who was clearly trying to hold back a snigger as he answered with a quick 'of course'. I sent him a glare that briskly morphed back into a smile the second May was turned my way again.

The smile turned much more real the second I saw my dad climb up onto the table across the room, glass and spoon in his hands. May and Peter spun to look at him along with everyone else in the room when the captivating sound of the metal clanging gracefully against the champagne flue echoed in the room.

"Thank you, thank you, everyone!" Tony called, chatter diminishing in the crowd at his voice. A smile - an actual smile - graced my lips when I realised he was making a speech about me being home. "I'm just here tonight, talking to you all, about my daughter!" Tony began, a small applause following as many pairs of eyes sought for me in the crown.

"You know, the day I found you laying on my doorstep," he stated, taking a swig of his drink, "I thought: how the hell am I gonna raise this stupid ass kid that's been dumped on my like some sort of...animal." I gasped, tears bubbling in my eyes. I thought we were past this- this hate. "This fucking bastard that's come from the filthy streets."

"Tony, that's enough." Nat says from where she stood beside the table, tugging the man's ankle in an attempt to get him down.

"You're drunk." Steve stated from beside him, anger written over his usually perfect features.

"It's all you! It's you, y/n!" He shouted.

"Dad.." I mumbled through my tears, every head in the room locked on my as my bottom lips wobbled aggressively.

"You killed me the day you showed up, and ever day I see you I realise how much I regret taking you in, raising you as my own." He spat with a venom I'd never heard in my dad's voice before.

"Tony!" Steve shouted, but he merely pushed the super soldier's words aside.

"You're not special, y/n! And you never were! Just a Thorne in my side," he explained, climbing down from the table with a slight drunken wobble. "That's why I picked Peter. Smart, agile, unique." He rambled on, making his was through the sea of people that parted instantly for him until he was right in front of me, Peter and May. "So why don't you make this easy, and don't make me chose between you a second time." Tony claimed.

"What? Because you'd chose him?" I sobbed, hand covering my mouth as I bit back the tears.

"Tony, don't!" Steve snapped, now at my side and holding his hands on my hips possessively.

"If you chose him over you're own daughter, Tony...I swear to god somebody better hide you in the time it takes me to find a gun." Nat glared, standing to my side with a wicked look in her eyes.

"Y/n is your daughter." Bruce tried to reason, flinching away when Tony shot him a look that could kill.

"Yeah, I'd chose him." Tony finally settles, silence ensuing after the piercing shatter of a glass broke the room. May stood there, broken glass at her feet and mouth open so wide her jaw must've physically hurt.

"Y/n, I- I am so sorry.." Peter barely whispered from beside May, his own face red from a mixture of threatening tears and embarrassment. I have Tony a dirty look, leaning forward slightly and spitting at the ground in front of him.

"Fuck you." I bit like a viper, spinning harshly on my heel and storming from the room, trying so hard to hide my tears until I was out of sight.

Once I'd reached the stairs, I was kicking my heels off and springing up the steps, two at a time. Reaching the top, I clutched the railing for a second as if to ground myself as a sob ripped through me, my palm covering my mouth again as if it could stop the sounds. I padded quickly across the carpeted floor, fumbling with the handle of my door before pushing it open blindly, stumbling inside.

A sharp gasp was stolen from me when I walked in, more tears clouding my eyes. I hastily swiped them away with my palms, desperate to get a good look of the man before me. His cerulean eyes, long and thick dark hair, his undeniably visible metal arm...

Then his lips met mine. Not desperate or hard like usual, but gentle and slow, as if I would shatter to a thousand pieces if he even held my soft face with too much pressure. "Y/n." he said seriously, but a small smile still glistening in his deep blue eyes. "Soldier." I responded, reflecting his playful seriousness. He pulled me in for another passionate kiss, my whole body relishing in its tenderness. The soldier bought his mouth next to my ear, leaning over me and holding my waist carefully. My thoughts raced one another over and over, but there was always a clear winner: I had him back.

His compassionate whisper floated past my ear, dancing around the loose curls of hair that were tucked messily behind my ear, a whirlwind of emotions tunnelling through me, allowing the butterflies to roam free as he murmured "It's Bucky, by the way."

"We're done."

A frown settled across my face, my head snapping the the side to see Steve stood gobsmacked and clearly hurt in the door. He must've followed me, to make sure I was alright and now he's seen this, and - how long had he been standing there?

"Steve, it's not what it looks like." Bucky tried, now also looking at the Super Soldier.

"So it's not my best friend kissing my girl? Hm?" Steve almost whimpered, as if the words physically hurt him to say.

"Well, yes, but-"

"No. No buts. I don't give a shit what you have to say." Steve interjected me, the harshness of his voice cutting through me like a knife. "Have a nice fucking life." He spat, before turning and retreating out of the door. I started wistfully after him, before glancing back to Bucky and opening my mouth to speak.

"Go. I'll talk to you later." He answered for me, a reassuring glint in his blue-grey eyes. I gave him a small nod and a grateful smile before instantly running after Steve.

"Steve! Steve, wait!" I called after him, but the man's strides were so damn long I couldn't catch up to him even whilst running. "Please, let me explain!" He turned around at that, my body colliding with the wall of muscle that was his torso.

"What's there to explain, y/n?" He said, defeated.

"I- I don't really know. I just don't want to lose you." I murmured, placing my hands of his chest and looking up at the man through my lashes. He wrapped his hands around my wrists before yanking them away from his chest, tears stinging in my eyes. "I love you, Steve." I whispered, for the first time. Steve averted his gaze with a frustrated sigh.

"It's a little too late for that. You can tell Bucky he won't be hearing from me either." Steve spoke, dropping my wrists and turning to leave again. I didn't follow him this time, I didn't call after him, I just sunk to my knees, head in my hands, and cried.