#always ALWAYS thinking about them. lesbians <3< /div>
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DMV meetcute lesbians yay! I have been writing about them in an effort to break through this hellish writer's block bc they are fun and nothing hurts in this universe and I love them <3 Anywayyy it's been a bit since I shared some writing so here's a snippet, if you're so inclined:
“I appreciate the thought,” Chloe said, breaking Gabi from her spiral. “You driving me home from the hospital the other day was enough. You don’t—owe me anything.”
“It’s not—uh, whoa! What do you think you’re doing?” She more or less threw the food onto the kitchen table in order to intercept Chloe at the cabinets, where she had attempted to reach for the plates. “You had a pen literally lodged in your chest, and I thought you were gonna die on me, like, three days ago, so maybe let me get that?”
“I can do it.”
“Okay. Humor me then.”
Chloe blew a lock of hair that had escaped her ponytail out of her face. “Beer?”
Alcohol always had the potential to make this evening better or exponentially worse. A gamble she was willing to take. “Yeah, thanks.
Chloe moved to the fridge instead and Gabi grabbed two bowls from the cabinet and went about setting out the various containers of chinese food.
“Thanks,” Gabi said, as an open beer was set down in front of her. Chloe smiled and Gabi tried to ignore the weird flip in her stomach and the dryness in her mouth in favor of sticking to her new life plan, which was to not be a walking disaster. Thus far an utter failure but call her an optimist. “So, uh, feel free to take whatever you want. Looking at it all in front of me I think I went a little overboard. Eyes bigger than my stomach and all that.”
Chloe didn’t say anything, but her posture was loose and relaxed as she dragged the lo mein closer to her. They ate in silence, nothing but din of LA continuing on outside the walls. Objectively it was a fine moment, and for anybody else it may have even been content, but Gabi didn’t think she had ever been fine or content in her entire life. As it was, she sat chewing on her egg roll hoping her cool exterior did not give away the nervous breakdown simmering underneath.
You’re just . . . you’re too freaking much, Gabi! You’re too much, until I actually want to have a legitimate conversation with you, or I need you to tell me something real, and then it’s nothing! Two years together and I still just do not understand you. I think that’s what you really want, is for nobody to know you at all!
“Gabi?”
She jerked, swallowing the egg roll gone soft in her mouth, throat suddenly tight. “Sorry?”
“I asked if you wanted another beer.” Chloe’s mouth was soft and pink and her lips a little spit slick from licking them, and Gabi felt her face go hot.
“Um.” Girl don’t do it. “Yeah, that would be—thanks.”
She fought the urge to bang her head on the table as Chloe returned to the kitchen. “Listen, Chloe—” she stopped when saw a letter tacked up on the fridge with "alumni" in big blocky letters at the top, the first thing she’d seen in the apartment that had any kind of individuality or hint that an actual person lived inside. “Whoa, are you a dancer?”
Chloe frowned in confusion, but then her gaze snapped to the fridge, and a weird stiffness settled over her features. There one moment and gone the next, though. She smoothed the edges out quickly and seamlessly and settled on a more neutral expression. “Yeah, I—” She laughed, a quick burst of air through her nose, shaking her head. “I graduated from Julliard, actually. No big deal.”
Gabi thought her eyes were about to pop out of her head. “No big— are you shitting me.”
Chloe set the beer down. “No.”
“I just—”
“What?” The word was defensive, biting. Gabi walked back her excitement and dug her nails into her palms to keep herself in check.
“I could see it,” was what she settled on. “Your poise handling me during that driving test was unparalleled.”
Chloe laughed for real and that was the biggest win Gabi had earned in a while. “Yeah, you were pretty bad.”
“Hey, I am aware of my many, many faults.”
“You’re human,” Chloe rebuked. “Is this about that breakup you told me before? I’m sure your ex-girlfriend wasn’t faultless. Anyway, you saved my life, so I’d put you on my team any day.”
Gabi laughed, the sound was hollow even to her own ears. “Thanks, I guess.” She fiddled with the paper label on the beer bottle. “She, uh . . .” Gabi cleared her throat. “I’d texted her, because she’d gone to the store, and we didn’t have any milk and I just wanted to make sure that she got some milk.” A stabbing pain ricocheted through her, anchoring her to that moment, a window of time she never felt like she would be able to leave. “She left her phone on the coffee table, and it lit up, and I just glanced over at it, but she’d changed my name in the phone. It just said, ‘Pandora’s Box.’”
She remembered confronting her ex about it. Still hopeful even during one of the worst moments of her life. Yeah, Gabs, it says Pandora's Box, you know, that thing you open and then it's just, fucking disaster after disaster. Sound familiar?
Chloe’s face was measured, and Gabi felt bad that each time they got together she ended up trauma dumping on her. Jesus, she really was a mess. “I’m sorry, that’s—I didn’t come here too bitch and complain—”
“Gabi, oh my god.” Chloe reached over with her good side and covered Gabi’s hand with her own. It was a little larger than Gabi expected, seeing it up close, but soft and warm, her nails well-manicured where Gabi’s were bitten down to anxious nubs and bleeding all the time. “Didn’t I tell you she was in your rearview now? I didn’t know you back then, I only know you now. It’s okay.” She smiled, a little bigger, genuine. “I like you plenty the way you are.”
If she had been one more beer in she might have started tearing up, but even as her eyes remained dry on the inside she felt soupy and warm and soothed. It would only last as long as the evening, but it had been a while since she felt anything close to this. She clinged to it. She clinged to the slide of Chloe’s hand off her own. She clinged to the freckle perfectly dotted under the jut of her jaw.
“Thanks for dinner,” Chloe said, rising to her feet.
The buzzing under her skin made her restless, nervous, so she turned to her regular source of comfort, to the knowledge that she could leave, she could always leave, she could always disappear, if things imploded again.
And so she clung to that, too.
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I love it when girls are in love!!!!
(Reblog, don’t repost)
#I. spent. SO long on this one.#and it wasn’t even the lineart I spent so long on! if anything that was my favorite part of the whole process#(I’ll save y’all the lineart rambling for now but just know I was SO happy with how it turned out)#the hardest part was actually figuring out how I wanted to render this#there were SO many attempts at rendering that I just. trashed#ANYWAY. suselleheads come get y’all juice#always ALWAYS thinking about them. lesbians <3#susie#noelle holiday#suselle#deltarune#safeutdr#art i made#(WOO!! FIRST TIME USING THAT TAG IN A WHILE!!)
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Bluepoch gave us the gift of barely-subtext tragic sapphic-centric media do NOT throw that away.
Context regarding PJSK and Undertale under cut.
Project Sekai cast is dominated by female characters but mlm is more popular, meanwhile Undertale has canon wlw rep and oh my god they’re at the bottom. I have nothing against these fandoms or media (I’m literally currently/was in them) but yeah. I just HOPE r99 doesn’t end up in a similar state.
#mochagaming#if r99 ever gets even more popular and people somehow manage to out-yaoi the yuri i may actually buy a gun#‘write more yuri then’ I AM <3 AND LETS KEEP WRITING YURI R99 NATION#this is an irrational fear btw#especially since the fandoms i previously in kept fixating on the men in women-centric media#which is not bad#good for them#but its alienating for me LOL#thankfully rn r99 fandom is still diligent woman appreciators so thanks guys#keep it up#I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST MEN OR MLM#I JUST REALLY NEED THAT SAPPHIC SPOTLIGHT#LET THIS DESPERATE LESBIAN DREAM THAT HER FAV GAME STAYS YURIFUL#(because fandom activity genuinely affects the game itself so…)#reverse 1999#I am not trying to discourage any form of fandom content#But if I see someone complain about ‘lack of men’ in this game I… I genuinely dont know??? what to say???#we dont even have enough lesbian rep. it is always cast aside.#it should be prioritized (by bluepoch) i think#like to charge reblog to cast
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you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.
you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.
so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.
you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.
you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.
you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.
you know you broke the rule by interacting.
but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.
#before i maybe get yelled at:#1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even#though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism#2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them#3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have#encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in#nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally#about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person.#4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces#and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too.#5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided#tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla#6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things.#7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl#i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know?#8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this#nyarla dni#<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks#adding this wayy later but a crucial part of the experience i Almost talked about it this but never explicitly did was that like#the measures ppl take to 'defend against men' are often deeply transmisogynistic as well. obviously#and when i see that it hurts me too. not that it hits me the same way when strangers assume im a trans woman and hate me for it#but it doesn't feel good to see transphobia at all. i focused on how that relates to other kinds of transphobia#namely transandrophobia here but like. it's all connected. lesbain separatism + exclusionism relies on both and they aren't always#distinct experiences. ime. anyway trans ppl i love all of you forever#i just thought me writing “*turns to the camera* and trans women exp this too.' wouldve been too much even for this post#i figured the audience would like. know that. and so far it hasn't been an issue. i have not been yelled at thanks guys 🫶
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> sees post that feels slightly biphobic
> search 'bi' on ops blog
> largely only mentions bi people when complaining about 'bi lesbians' or talking shit about pansexuals
> eventually find the fully biphobic takes
woah! not surprising
#97#and to be clear no i dont believe in bi lesbians at all and block them on sight.#but theres an interesting thing where people do this like.#1. bi lesbians are only a lesbophobic phenomenon done by bisexuals#(when in reality some of them are actual lesbians and the identity is also biphobic)#2. exclusively caring about defending bisexuality when it comes to pan discourse#(when it comes off less as genuine care for bi identity and more as 'pansexuals are bi people im allowed to hate openly')#and it always ends up w finding that theyre to some degree just biphobic#which ironically i find makes the requisite 3 reblogs of vague bi positivity posts feel like.. worse in a way?#like yeah cool you cant stand bi people but you wont admit that so you plaster a couple posts on your blog and think were good.#just feels condescending
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i have no desired answer for this!!!!! don't feel pressured to pick an answer based on what my gender actually is :)
responses will inevitably depend on what way you've interacted with me: have you been a long-time follower of mine, or are you new? or did you find this poll by chance, and don't even follow me? are we mutuals or online friends? do you frequently engage with my chatty text posts? have you heard my voice, talking or singing? do you know what i look like and how i dress? do you know which characters i kin? etc.
like all people i'm interested in how i come off to people, so if anything this is just a way for me to get a sense of that lol :P
#melonposting#poll#i'm not defining masculine or feminine here#one's impression of someone in that regard inevitably takes into account society's ideals of masculinity and femininity#whether one fully adopts them or otherwise#those ideals are inarguably there and they impact how people as a whole see each other#i'm not saying i'm using those ideals here. but someone might look at me through that lens#and y'know someone could be like hm. ellie doesn't fit society's ideal of masculinity#but in my view of masculinity which is inevitably in conversation with that ideal#i see them as masculine#y'know??#i thought of this partly because when talking about lesbianism with a friend once he said i was a femme lesbian#and i've always wondered 1) am i a femme lesbian?#2) what about me would make him call me a femme lesbian as opposed to a butch lesbian (or something else)?#3) if the average straight person knew i was lesbian would they think i'm femme or butch? what about a fellow queer? a fellow dyke?#cuz i guess i'm more feminine than your average guy but more masculine than your average girl#does one of those overpower the other? do they mix into a dual gender impression? or do they cancel each other out?#yeag :thumbsup:
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I GOT YOU
lesbian DM thoughts
armand taking care of daniel during her period every month 🥹 letting daniel drink a little more of her blood than she usually does for strength and to help with her cramps orgasms also help with cramps
daniel isn't very feminine but armand is and she loves to look dolled up especially because she spent so many years wasting away underground. so sometimes when armand gets a bit sad and listless, daniel will bathe her, do her hair for her in either a pretty bun or a french braid, do her makeup very carefully (daniel never cared about this stuff before but she taught herself just for armand okay!)
idk if you know her but the very first supermodel was a woman named gia carangi in the 70s and 80s and her and her girlfriend are my reference for lesbian!devil's minion LOL I CAN'T LINK IN HERE BUT THIS IS THEM ESPECIALLY THE LAST TWO PICS https://reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/s/jeEgrXjLPC
hope your day/night gets better friend 💖
TYSM FOR THE ASK <33
• caretaking is one of my favorite tropes ever idc what universe it is in I will always be thinking about them taking care of each other especially in terms of illness/injury (which really would only be armand helping daniel but we can get funky with the rules <3)
okay back to periods though, I am so so convinced that Armand would coddle the hell out of Daniel!!! She is wrapped up in blankets on the couch with a big bottle of midol and her choice of drink on the side table and Armand is more than happy to give her the blood and rub her back and cuddle her and give her girl whatever she needs 🥹
And as you said orgasms are great painkillers!!! Listen literally the first prompt I ever saw on priapus was r63 devil’s minion period sex. Which I have tried writing something for like four times but am never happy with it anyway the possibilities are endless for that oh my goddd you just know that Armand would be insatiable acting like she hasn’t fed in weeks <3
• I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU!!!!!!! They are so butch/femme to me!!!!! Going to sob over the idea of Daniel bathing Armand, she’d bust out all the especially fancy expensive products and be so painstakingly thorough in washing her and then drying her off and massaging her with lotion… wailing 😭🥹. Genuinely I think there is so much romance/love in doing something for your partner particularly if it’s not your thing so I think Daniel taking the time to learn hairstyles and makeup to pamper Armand would really hit her right in the heart! They have a very sappy and emotional night over Armand’s spa treatment
• I DID NOT KNOW THIS THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME <3 Gia… wow I can see why she was the first supermodel! I’m. Jgvjgvhg yeah I’m very onboard for this LMAO but like omg it’s literally them that’s such a great face claim!!!
Thank you for the dm content and the kind wishes!! 💜🫂
#i think im just tired and maybe fighting something off because my sister has been a bit sickly#so maybe I’ll go to bed in a bit#but!!! this was such a delight to read and answer like genuinely so fun and I’m feeling better mood wise#thanks for always indulging me in lesbian dm <3#also you’re really into lesmand right?? i think that if you ever have r63 thoughts about them we should talk about it <3#hekateinhell#bat notes
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it’s just so nice to find someone that you instantly connect with … like you just know that you belong together. honestly electrifying as you begin to realize that they might just be your person who understands you on a deeper level than most and they know it’s the same for them too. I’m not the best with words but when you know it, you know it y’know? :P
#listening to tracy chapman and clairo as I think about them 😭#sharing my feelings has always been hard for me but like I NEED people to know#I know lesbians have the stereotype that they move too fast but#who tf cares. if the feelings are mutual just go for it 🗣️#🐑 if you see this (I know you will freak) im very happy we’re together <3
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tha terf paradox of promoting acceptance of oneself's biological nature and not changing it for societal ideologies but then turning around and criticizing any person that has a different perception of their biological nature that doesn't immediately enter the "male or female" binary hmmm,,,,
#berry.rambles <3#does this make sense#like#ok cool. lets remind women that just because they're gnc doesnt mean that they have to transition (which isnt a malevolent idea at all imo)#but then the second a gnc woman (that's consciously aware that society sees her as a woman) decides to go by she/they or anything else#she's suddenly the woke version of not like other girls???#HUH#what does that even mean#do you people realize that some women just dont really care about the language used when they're talked about#like its not a “distancing myself” from femalehood (??) thing its literally coming to terms with the fact that language is not rigid#i go by any pronouns because i literally dont care#im a girl i know that#but im not gonna flip out if you call me he or they or she or it#like i have bigger problems didya think about that for a second!!!#this idea that any kind of personal uniqueness/individualism is ALWAYS patriarchy-related is so???? yes the patriarchy doesnt care but#why shouldnt we care about what the women feel too???#its so insane how they'll talk about eliminating the patriarchy/distancing themselves from it to weaken it#but then the second a woman talks about her unique experiences as a female and how it differs from other women's#they jump into her comments/reblogs talking about “yeah sure whatever but remember you'll always be seen as nothing but a female”#“men don't care about that so you might as well not even view yourself as unique or different from other women”#“patriarchy doesn't care about (insert gnc/trans thing) cause you're still female”#literally using the patriarchy as an excuse to lump all women into a monolith#i dont wanna be with other women#some of you are dumb!!!#traditionalists. conservatives. zionists. religious women. liberal women. libertarians. nationalists. some of you are vile im not gonna lie#some women reject class consciousness as women#thats on them#some women think that their societal condition is natural. thats on them unless they change.#you'll never get everybody on your team#which is why instead of yapping about this nonbinary person or that he/him lesbian
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i love to make up horrible toxic fanon ships for my own ocs. its so funny 2 me and also interesting..... like every combination of characters that could conceivably happen i have thought about. some of them would 100% without a doubt make each other WORSE. some of them i genuinely think couldve worked if i had come up with them earlier and invested the time into their romantic relationship. some of them are actual jokes between my characters in "canon" bcuz specifically i think the idea of jayden thinking two is hot is funny Tbh. like he doesn't want u bro!!!!!! he barely even wants sunshine!!!!!
#examples of extremely toxic ships that are funny to think about: starr/jayden#ships where they make each other worse and destroy each other in a hand in unloveable hand ass situation: sunshine/starr#ships that are funny to only me: two/jayden#ships that might maybe work out in a weird parallel universe: starr/blue#important to understand theyre all FRIENDS and have a relationship with each other.no matter what#but there's a difference between being casual friends who mostly incidently know each other and like. Full lifetime commitment#im sure jayden and starr hooked up at least once though. just for fun. They kinda hate each other still#jayden is Better than starr and they both know itttt#blue wouldnt have a romantic relationship with two but they ARE besties. literally. Lesbian and their middle aged gay bestie#well it takes some work but they get there eventually#blue is better at empathizing and meeting ppl where they're at than most..... so they get along with pretty much everyone always#relationships like sunshine and blue. theres nothing even there its not dramatic theyre just friends..... but i think about them too#nobody gets to opt out of the group polycule </3#txt#object ocs
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cassierose for the ship ask game !!
Ship It
What made you ship it? i liked them in tt03, which you know, is truly a feat considering how terribly that comic treats both of them. but their dynamic (angry homoeroticism) managed to be compelling still
What are your favorite things about the ship? i enjoy girl antagonism from time to time. i know were all sick of the trope that teen girls all hate each others guts but considering cassie has a pretty good relationship with all the other girls on her team(s) its fun to see her just go ugh i hate this one. this one can go. theyre just fun and bitchy and i think they should hatefuck about it. but beside that theres also so much potential there ! i think you know, if anyone writing that comic actually cared about cassie or rose or about their character development, it would have been interesting to see their relationship change over time instead of getting one issue where cassie implicitly calls rose family while protecting her, and then the next one she immediately she calls her a manipulative psychopath for no good reason bc they cant figure out how to make the team interesting without having some wildly antagonistic relationship that doesnt make sense if u think about it for a few seconds. theyre never going to be besties but it would have been nice to see them go from blind hate to an uneasy truce; they dont like each other but they do, unfortunately, care about each other, and lets see where we go from that. + itd be interesting to dig into cassies hypocrisy when it comes to hating rose
Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? i guess its that i would like them to grow past mindlessly despising each other ? this is not me criticizing anyone but i feel like a lot of takes on cassierose ive seen are that they should stay in the hatefucking no mushy business❌❌❌phase which is definitely fair and true to how they are in tt03. but i do have some issues with the way they were written in tt03 (particularly cassie) and would like to see their dynamic progress from that (see rant above)
#i guess the reason im personally more interested in them sort of working through it is bc cassie doesnt have. a good reason for hating rose#i dont think its ooc but a lot of it Is supposed to be bc shes either jealous of her bc of tim (??)or thinks rose sucks bc she killed peopl#which is. she was drugged and manipulated and i think most teen titans in the superhero business should be able to handle#that sort of a not black and white situation#and idk. be more understanding. i know rose isnt super nice but maybe calling her a manipulative bitch constantly isnt the way to go#theres fun antagonism and theres cassie being just needlessly awful to her (that convo she and tim have about rose)#and i do think theyll always be bitchy to each other but i would like to imagine cassie is more considerate than this#and would eventually recognize she was occasionally just being shitty ! it would make for an interesting story ! alas#i think cassierose going from hating each others guts as teens to adult coworkers who dont really hate each other anymore#bc theyve been through so much shit together#but need to keep up the appearances of hating each other bc god forbid they admit to being kind of friends. that would be fun. to me<3#ask#thank you. so sorry this got so long#youve given me an excuse to rant about cassierose so this is what u get<3#sorry that the question was what i like about the ship and i just bitched about how it could be better#i guess the answer is im intrigued by the potential. also i love lesbians
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being neurodivergent is all fun and games until you remember those hourly quote bots on twitter and think well maybe I can't make a bot anymore but I could schedule a few quotes a day, that shouldn't be hard. it sounds fun to have a bunch of quotes of my favorite character Thirteen from hit mobile game Obey Me! and its sequel Obey Me! Nightbringer. and then you think about how arduous collecting the quotes is going to be but she's only been in the games for maybe a year and a half with little screentime and you love collecting things so you start but then you remember that you love collecting things so naturally you have ALL of her screentime in the game and suddenly you have 45k characters of quotes and are several lessons into season 4 (which is truly a trial in and of itself) but not nearly close enough to the end but you refuse to just stop collecting the quotes and make the account with the EXCESS of what you have already because you literally only have season 4 to get through and if you don't do it just seeing the bot (because now you've been informed you can make tumblr bots instead) will haunt you with that knowledge even if nobody else would ever know. this is a general anecdote of a situation that could easily happen to anyone though and not in any way related to my life
#obey me on side#ummm i don't have a personal tag yet because i hated looking at this blog before the revamp so i'll do that later#with the carrd. usually when i say i'll do something later it means sometime in the next 3 years but i actually mean this one#but rn there's no way to tell i'm a lesbian (except for the thirteen icon. + probably also the ruri-chan banner she's lesbian colors)#okay maybe you can tell but I want to be CLEAR#anyway i would also like to note that immediately before starting this project i spent a full week lamenting my lack of free time#because I wanted to write some fics. and then literally as soon as i got free time I went um. no. quote doc instead I think#????? girl why did you do that to yourself#fortunately i'm now bored of reading s4 so i can go back to writing#unrelated but all of these fics contain a significant amount of solomon and i like him that's not surprising but it was unintentional#which IS surprising. like okay one of them is about solodeus (specifically mc playing matchmaker so i don't clickbait) so that's obligatory#and another is based off of the new solomon card (IT'S CUTE) so that's also kind of obligatory#(the third one is based off of luke's card from the dnd nightmare a while back because i was entranced by its strange unbalanced party)#but usually i try to switch up the characters i write about to get comfy with all of them and not just the ones that make sense to me#that's not entirely accurate it's my one braincell bouncing around like a windows screensaver picking a new fave every time it hits a side#but also to get used to writing them all. anyway#i'll just write about satan to balance it he's always been a fav but i am obsessed with him in nightbringer he is so offputting and tragic#if you're still reading these tags please see above on th 'later is up to three years' in regards to the fics still haven't posted anything#hoping to change that soon though I WILL eventually.
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stole this chart from @asubakaa and spent wayyy too much time making my own so. yeah. also i did 6 instead of 5 bc i know no restraint
#aughh i just spent ages typing out an honorable mention list and then i was like i don't like this actually so i deleted it#whatever you're not getting an explanation. unless you ask then i mean sure i don't mind#i find it funny that the straight ship canonicity ratio is lower than the lesbian one. there's just smth about het stuff when it's not cano#each tier had its own challenges with brainstorming which was fun#i don't have a lotta straight ships i think about in a frothing seething howlilng way. fakiru and tamaharu are really the biggest ones atm#gay ships are the most common for me bc i consume a lotta guy-dominated media and things get homoerotic pretty fast#but that also meant there was a lot to sift through and i always felt like i was forgetting something#like i almost forgot killugon. KILLUGON. the same killugon that i was painfully obsessed with for multiple years yes that one#formative to my life in middle school and everything. my little gay guys forever. theyre very sweet how could i forget them#and with sapphic stuff it was various issues in depiction. like 'no one ships these two from this obscureish movie but me' and 'they're boo#characters so how do i depict this visually' and 'no one knows these two the fandom's bone dry :('#there's a lotta ships i like but it was sometimes hard to find ones i LOVEd enough to put alongside the others yknow. a problem with all 3#categories. anyway a fun thing for my brain to do hooray#the most violently snubbed honorable mentions are probably griffith and guts bergerk. i wouldn't say i ship them exactly but they were in#love and should not be together in the present. as far as i've read. complicated but they're in my brain real good real deep in there#and hua cheng and xie lian tgcf. probably shoulda been there over the lawyers now that i'm thinking about it just in terms of sheer brainro#bc they took over my life about as hard as the other mxtx guys did. but yeah anyway#also i realized after this that i forgot horikashi.. which would probably take seowaka's place </3
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Okay I know I don’t shut up about it but let me scream okay 😭
#I just saw a post on Twitter about the feeling of not having teenage romantic interaction and how it leaves you feeling really wrong#and everyone in the comments is like 17-19 and here I am at 25 thinking about how#well anyways I’m sorry I know it’s silly I’m just a little tired is all#being lonely stinks 🫠 and I don’t ever want y’all to feel burdened by my feelings#so I try not to make those feelings seem so big#I should start tagging these again#my talk posts ? I used to tag them but I would forget#I guess I’ll do that from now on#melifails#oh oh since I already made this post I might as well blab#I 😭 am high key tempted to download tinder#I don’t *want* to actually use it I just wanted to see 👉🏽👈🏽#but I think you need an account and idk I don’t wanna seem desperate#not in a shaming other people and myself type of way#absolutely not I think it’s awesome that it exists#I mean in a ‘my mom used to brag about how I didn’t care about boys only school to all the family members at parties’ type of way#in a ‘Melissa be honest are you a lesbian?�� badgered type of way#in a ‘because if you are I love you’ ‘no boys just don’t like me’ type of way#in a ‘never admitting to my mom I’m very lonely and only alive for my family’ type#of way#that one didn’t let me finish 🗣️#anywyas I feel very shallow because this doesn’t really matter does it#there are real problems in the world and I’m but a spec of dust waiting to be scooped up by the broom#🧎🏽♀️ I’m sorry I’m making it seem like a bigger deal than it really is#I’ll be better about it#all that aside#my best friend invited me to go to universal in September and I 😤😤 I gotta prepare myself for the burden of prolonged outdoor activities#🥺 tbh I’m scared I’m not going to fit in the seats for the rides#that’s how we became friends: she stuck with me when I didn’t fit on a ride. I never told her that was the day I loved her and it still make#me cry. forever grateful for her and I want her to be happy she’s the Eli I’m always talking about :3 anyways this is my last tag (30limit)
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rip bu/mbleby blog i followed. you no longer exist in my mind
#why yes i do unfollow if you start rbing or posting shit about how b/ls aren't queerphobic and are good faith identities#or start rbing from people who have said shit like that like v*spider#maybe even block if i feel particularly hoodwinked by people being stealth#i'm not discoursing over this btw i've seen all the arguments in support of it and the so called history they keep sharing#its funny how they only ever have like max 3 sources and one of them is ALWAYS the la/vender women poem.#hrrrm.#i do not have the spoons to list out in length why the language/labels used are harmful but i do have a carrd /w linked sources#it's not that their experiences don't exist i just think they have some internalized queerphobia to get over#bi and lesbian aren't dirty words and nb people are included in every sexuality already#trans women are women and conflating trans people with terfs bc we say lesbians aren't men or can't be attracted#to men is uh... sure something alright (transmisogynist)#having a pref for women/similar genders doesn't make u not bi#and comphet isn't genuine attraction its comphet#also i am genuinely so tired of people saying that the only reason bi people were shoved out of lesbian spaces is because of terfs#like i am genuinely so tired#our movements for our rights and to be seen as a whole valid identity was a natural progression of the bisexual community#you are taking away our history and autonomy#i wrote up a post about my extended stance but left it in the drafts actually but these tags are sort of a tl;dr about that so
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it is the first snow today. i think we should all have off work, even though it didn't stick. i think there should be 4 national holidays, one for each season. happy first snow, go home and make cookies. for spring it can be the first crocus. for summer the first lightning bug. for autumn, the first golden leaf. go home, kiss your dog, feed your cat (who is absolutely already-fed but somehow still starving.)
i think we should all take more showers together, but i mean that in the soft way. i mean it like taking a nap. two years ago i had 5 adult friends in my queen bed, all of us laying across each other, head over belly over thigh over hand. any time one of us would giggle, it would ripple over each of us, like pulling on a spiderweb. kim actually needed to nap and didn't get to sleep and i am still sorry for it even though this is one of my most precious memories.
i think we should all wash each other's hair, i mean. i walk my dog and i watch someone put up twinkle lights around their front porch. alex and i just moved, and i love the neighborhood. already so many of our new neighbors have stopped by to say hello. the nice lady downstairs also collects plants, like me. she gave us her number on a pink post-it note. i am trying to decide whether to make her cookies or brownies.
i am going through a very hard time. something bad happened this weekend that i do not wish to discuss. it is hanging over me. i think of the green ribbon, and the woman who had her throat cut. it feels like that sometimes, inside of my body. like i am walking and talking despite being half-corpsed. like i am hanging on by a ribbon, standing on some kind of cusp. i keep saying - at least it wasn't worse. we are so lucky it wasn't worse. the idea is river-rock smooth now, all the edges worried off.
in this very dark night - the sun sets by 3 now - people don't need to, but they try anyway. they paint the missing light into things. i have an embarrassing number of missed calls and texts, but i feel the love from them nevertheless - hey. if you need something, i'm here. i will bring you food/puzzles/anything. i got you.
i think we should all have a big group chat where we do errands with strangers. this week i got lost in a home depot, which is wild because i'm a lesbian and we are actually hatched in a lowe's lumber section. there were two other women in the whole store. we ended up shopping together, at first by accident (we all needed things in the same aisle), and then because, well, why not. one of the ladies was taller than me, so she pulled down the screws i needed. i am agile and have the personality of a raccoon, so they sent me after anything below 3 feet. we talked about holiday plans and never learned each other's names, but did learn all the drama about each other's families.
i am making you cupcakes, because i have so much affection i want to pour it into batter. you ask me if i am eating enough per meal. i wrap your gift twice, trying to do it prettily. i get excited to give it to you, just because i hope you'll be excited too.
my parents drive an hour just to see the new apartment and to do the parent thing; standing in the kitchen saying things like "oh you'll get so much use from this dishwasher" and "well, you could paint that" and "when your mother and i moved it was uphill both ways and in a snowstorm and of course your brother was an infant." my mother brought me a plant for housewarming. i always say i love you before she leaves.
i play dnd on tuesdays still, after all these years. we all keep that night free. at one point, between grad school and marriage and all of it, we had to have a serious discussion about how to keep it running. we will keep going, we decided eventually. just to see each other, even if we don't play - you are all important to me. sebastian is not prone to affection but last night he stole my usual sign off - i love you all, be good, he said. he was laughing.
i don't love the winter, actually. i like snow in theory, but i grew up in the north, and am too-familiar with the season of "mud and sludge". i don't like being cold. but i do love something kind of soft and rare: every year around this time, people remember oh yes. you and i are human together. and i have love to spare.
it is the first snow, and something in my heart is finally warm again. i have spent what felt like the last 18 months just going-through-the-motions. it has felt blank and immediate, like i would never actually feel again. that sounds extremely trite and stupid - but that is the boring and familiar experience of depression. life just washes up against your windows, and you watch it happening. you see things that should be lovely and affecting, and it just whispers too-thin. i was desperately uncreative. uninterested in my hobbies. unimpressed by my writing. i told my therapist, often, i don't know how to find hope again.
almost sheepishly, something strange and lovely is burning in my chest. i keep not-looking at it, worried it will scamper back into the shadows again. it is skittish and wild, but it is so warm i want to sink my hands into its fur and feel it breathing. i love-hate it: if it's real, it can hurt me when it leaves again. but i am icarus-born, sun-lover and poet: i can't help myself. despite my best intentions, i am falling in love with life again.
i am planning to make cookies for my friends. alex and i are going to go christmas tree shopping. we picked out matching dish towels last night, and they have little mushrooms on them.
i love you. it does come back. yes, even after a long time. even for you. i promise. keep trying. you will wake up and it will be a day you can smile about.
write me when you get there. we will take the day off of work, and i will wash your hair, and we will both be laughing.
#spilled ink#writeblr#pos#recovery#my brain is like - don't trust it!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!! we can't be wrong again!!!!!!#and im like. what if the sorrow is the thing that's wrong though.#what if this - this!!!!! - is the truth
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