#always ALWAYS thinking about them. lesbians <3< /div>
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lxdybi · 2 days ago
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‘everyone is the expert in their own identity’
&
‘(we) should do them the courtesy of presuming they are striving to express something very specific and nuanced, rather than leaping to the conclusion that they are just dumb and using words wrong’.
YES!!
If someone tells you they identify as something, listen in good faith.
Because there’s a high likelihood that person has spent a very long time researching that identity, its history, and its nuances to see if it fits for them.
It’s actually very possible that they might know more about that identity and its historical nuances than you do.
Do not presume that you know all there is to know about queer history and the nuance of queer identities.
And ABSOLUTELY. DO. NOT. try to police other people’s identities without being damn sure you know what you’re talking about.
And I’m not talking about stuff you’ve seen parroted on tikok.
I’m talking reading up on historical sources, queer theory, & speaking to queer elders.
Or better yet, perhaps don’t try to police other people’s identities at all.
Because this is how we’ve gotten to a point where people with a very shallow knowledge of our history and communities are trying to erase the presence of he/him lesbians, trans people and bi butches/femmes from the communities that they helped create.
May I remind you that we did not always have the language we do today to describe people.
We were here before we were bi or trans. We have always been here. Just not under the labels you expect.
Queer history is messy. Bi, trans, lesbian & gay histories are inextricably interwoven.
Bi and trans people helped create lesbian and gay culture right alongside y’all. In fact, for most of queer history, we were considered one of you.
So yes, I know we have more specific and nuanced labels to describe ourselves now, & that’s beautiful.
But that doesn’t mean we get to revise history to fit our current understanding of these labels… and erase the contributions of bi & trans people in the process.
we would also do well to realise that, just as we recognise how labels in the past might not have been sufficient to fit everyone’s identities…
… the same might be true of the labels we use today.
If someone uses labels you find contradictory, you don’t understand or they even use multiple labels…consider that they could be trying to express something more complex than our current language encompasses.
Don’t be so naive as to think that the labels we use today are perfect or infallible.
Just because something works for you, or describes your experience, doesn’t mean it works for everyone.
thank you.
p.s i thought it would be a good time to bring back this post in the light of this amazing video being posted on tiktok. It’s so truly so heartwarming to see someone in our community actually coming out in support of complex queer identities. honestly… I almost cried tears of joy. <3
I gotta say, so much queer intra-community horseshit dropped off my shoulders when I decided to adopt a firm policy that everyone is the expert in their own identity, the single most knowledgeable person about what it's like to live life in their own skin, and that if someone describes their experience in ways I find contradictory or paradoxical I should do them the courtesy of presuming that they are striving to express something very specific and nuanced, rather than leaping to the conclusion that they're just dumb and using words wrong.
Sure, there are some combinations of identity terms that I look at and go "hmm, I don't get how that works." I'm still a human being. But there's a big difference between not getting how something works versus insisting that it doesn't.
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jungkoode · 4 hours ago
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𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐄 𝐔𝐏 | 17
˗ˏˋ reconnecting ˎˊ˗
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"Fridays are not always the best day of the week, you can vouch for this one at least. It's Emma's birthday party and you're not sure you two still vibe together or not after all this time. And coming home... you don't expect Jungkook to be awake, especially not with your cold war going on. But he is."
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next | index
⋆。°✩ chapter details ✩°。⋆
word count: 9,6k
content: begrudgingly gift-shopping, hidden treasures, old vs new friendships, reconnecting, pretty girls and the inability to discern whether it's flirting or polite talk, AM talks, actually listening (thank god, progress!), and vanilla kink striking again because jungkook in this fic has free will and i cannot control him
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✧ author's note ✧
WASSSSSUPPPP my peoplessss!!
Okay so here’s Chapter 17—aka the chapter where all of you start collectively projecting your unresolved issues with your high school best friend, your fuckboy roommate, and your local pastel/goth lesbian duo. I say that with love.
Now LISTEN. I keep raising the bar for this story like but honestly?? That’s on YOU. You absolute feral gremlins with your “when’s the next update” comments like I’m a vending machine that dispenses emotional damage. (It’s fine. I thrive under fear and pressure. You’re welcome.)
About this chapter!! So my initial plan was for Nix to buy Jungkook an actual vinyl player… until I did the research and realized those bitches go for 150-300 bucks even secondhand. Be fr. They are NOT in a relationship. This man is her hot emotional disaster roommate who’s been beefing with her for three days and literally slammed a door at her. I would not spend a single euro on that man beyond what is legally required. Fifteen dollars for a John Mayer record? That’s the sweet spot. It says “I hate you but I know what music you like and I think about you when you’re not around and that makes me want to bite drywall.”
Also: if you know that Inside Wants Out is an early acoustic EP that’s kinda slept on but has a few gut-wrenching tracks about vulnerability and romantic ambivalence… well. Have fun.
Now shut up because I love writing female friendships and this chapter is my offering to the goddesses of sapphic chaos. Yeji and Irya being absolute queens??? We love. But also EMMA. Emma and that awkward tension of do we still fit? Did we ever really know each other or was it just proximity and hormones and being stuck in the same suburban hellscape? That shit is SO REAL. Reuniting with old friends is like a spiritual liminal space and I needed to capture that gnawing weirdness.
AND JIMIN. The eyeliner scene??? I almost CRIED writing it. I had to pause. That man is so soft it makes me want to shove him into a pillow fort and protect him from the world. He’s so good. He sees her, without wanting anything in return. You better analyze it or I’ll strangle every single one of you.
Now. Regarding the very tense bathroom cologne scene. I was actually going to drag the cold war out longer, truly. I had plans. But Jungkook opened his slutty little mouth and said, “No, actually, I’m feral and I’ve been suffering in silence and she smells like sex and nostalgia and I must act.” And what was I supposed to do? Argue? Please. I have 0 narrative agency here. That much is clear.
Also his birthday is coming. So like. I didn’t want to enter that subplot with them still fake-ignoring each other like divorced parents. You’re welcome.
ANYWAY. The next few chapters are slower paced but VERY important. It’s all those little moments where the characters start changing without realizing it. The kind of growth you only see in hindsight. The slow part of the slow burn. But I swear to god I’m obsessed with how it’s turning out and I just want to share it with you and roll around in the angst like a dog in grass.
Okay that’s all. I love you. Go scream in the comments or eat drywall. Or both! <3 Mwah.
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⋆。°✩ read on✩°。⋆
ao3
wattpad
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Fridays aren't supposed to sneak up on you like a debt collector with something to prove.
Usually, you spend the whole week crawling toward Friday like it's an oasis in the desert of your existence. Monday is hell. Tuesday is hell's waiting room. Wednesday offers a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, the week won't actually kill you. Thursday is its own special brand of torture—so close to freedom you can taste it, but still trapped in the purgatory of obligation.
And then: Friday. 
Glorious, beautiful Friday.
Except this one. This one materialized out of nowhere, ambushing you with its presence and the sudden, horrifying realization that you have exactly zero hours to prepare for what's coming.
So here you are, somehow already standing in a flea market that smells like mothballs and questionable life choices, watching Yeji hold up a fishnet... something against her body while Irya coos over crystals that probably came from the dollar store.
"What do you think?" Yeji asks, draping the fishnet monstrosity over her shoulders. "Is it giving 'fashion-forward' or 'I found this in a dumpster'?"
"Definitely dumpster," you mutter, eyes scanning the crowded stalls without really seeing them. 
Because your mind? Your mind is elsewhere—specifically on the fact that you still need to find a birthday gift for your insufferable roommate.
Jungkook. 
Just thinking his name makes your jaw clench. 
It's been three days since your argument, and the apartment has been a cold war zone of pointed silences and aggressive door closing. 
He wants to be petty? Fine. You can be petty right back. Twice as petty, even. So you’re not talking to him either.
"Hello?” Yeji waves a hand in front of your face. "You've been staring at that old guy selling taxidermy squirrels for like, two minutes straight. Should I be concerned?"
You blink, refocusing. "What? No. I'm just... looking."
"For what exactly?" Irya appears at your side, a small purple crystal clutched in her palm. "You said you already got Emma's birthday present."
"Just browsing," you lie smoothly. "Flea markets are full of... treasures."
Yeji snorts. "Since when do you care about 'treasures'? Last time I dragged you to a vintage store, you said it smelled like 'dead people's closets.'"
“No I didn’t.”
"Right." Yeji doesn't look convinced, but she's already distracted by a display of chunky silver rings. "I'm gonna check these out. Meet you at the food trucks in twenty?"
You nod, grateful for the chance to browse alone. Not that you have any fucking clue what to get Jungkook. What do you buy for someone whose entire personality seems to be "brooding film student with inexplicably good taste in coffee"?
It is like an abandoned warehouse, this flea market—stalls crammed together in haphazard rows, hipsters and bargain hunters elbowing past each other, haggling over everything from antique doorknobs to hand-knitted beanies that look like they were made by someone's cat…
You wander aimlessly, passing stalls selling vintage cameras (too expensive), artisanal coffee beans (too obvious), and leather-bound journals (too pretentious, even for him). 
Nothing feels right. 
Not that it matters—it's just a stupid obligation gift. You shouldn't care this much.
But you do. And that's annoying as fuck.
Then, a rickety table stacked with milk crates catches your eye—or rather, the handwritten sign that reads "RECORDS $5-20" in faded Sharpie. 
The elderly man behind the table looks like he's been selling vinyl since before your parents were born, his weathered hands carefully flipping through a box as a customer asks about some obscure band.
You wait until they leave, then approach, trying to look like someone who actually knows something about records. The crates are dusty, disorganized, with no apparent system. Just hundreds of albums crammed together like sardines.
"Looking for anything specific?" the old man asks, voice gravelly from what you assume are decades of cigarettes.
"Just browsing," you say, already flipping through the nearest crate.
Most of the covers are faded, corners bent, some with water damage or mysterious stains you'd rather not identify. You recognize maybe one in ten artists—a lot of jazz, classic rock, some folk singers your dad probably listened to in college.
This is stupid. You don't know what you're looking for. Jungkook collects vinyl but doesn't even own a record player. What kind of pretentious bullshit is that? It's like buying books just to display them on a shelf without reading them.
You're about to give up when your fingers pause on a familiar name.
John Mayer.
The album cover is slightly worn at the edges, but otherwise in decent condition. 
"Inside Wants Out," it says in simple white letters against the picture of a dude (you guess it’s John) in the background. 
You don’t recognize it at all.
But Jungkook listens to him. His vynil collection is basically a shrine to him. 
So you ask "how much?", holding up the record.
The old man squints. "Fifteen."
Fifteen bucks. Okay, that’s... actually reasonable. Not so expensive that it seems like you care, but not so cheap that it looks like an afterthought. 
Just a casual, "hey, saw this and thought of your weird vinyl collection" kind of gift.
Perfect.
"I'll take it," you say, already digging in your bag for your wallet.
The man slides the record into a paper sleeve, takes your money, and hands you your change with a nod. 
Transaction complete. Gift acquired. Problem solved.
You tuck the record under your arm, feeling oddly satisfied despite yourself. It's just a record. Just a stupid birthday gift for your annoying roommate who thinks he knows everything about everyone, including your taste in men.
But as you weave through the crowd toward the food trucks, you can't help but wonder if he'll like it. If his face will do that thing—that brief, unguarded thing where his eyes light up before he remembers he's supposed to be all cool and detached.
Not that you care. You're just fulfilling a social obligation. That's all.
That's absolutely all.
"Did you actually buy something?" Yeji asks when you reach her, eyeing the record under your arm. "Since when are you into vinyl?"
"Just decoration. For the vinyl wall.”
Irya peers at it. "John Mayer? Isn't he like, your dad's music?"
"He's not that old," you find yourself saying, then immediately wonder why you're defending John fucking Mayer of all people. "And anyway, it was cheap."
"Whatever you say." Yeji shrugs, then holds up a small paper bag. "I got those earrings we saw last week. The ones that look like little daggers."
"Nice," you nod, grateful for the subject change. "I'm starving. Can we get food now?"
As you follow them toward the food trucks, you resist the urge to check the record again, to make sure it's not too scratched or damaged. It doesn't matter. It's just a record. Just a gift.
Just something to cross off your to-do list before Emma's birthday tonight and Jungkook's surprise dinner tomorrow.
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Nearing the trucks, suddenly everything smells good. Too good. The kind of good that makes decision-making a fucking nightmare.
You slow your steps, scanning the options.
One truck’s got sizzling skewers of grilled meat, charred at the edges, dripping onto soft pita. Another is doing fresh arepas, the scent of melted cheese thick and indulgent in the air. A few feet away, some guy with tattooed knuckles and an unreasonably aggressive beanie is ladling out steaming bowls of Vietnamese pho.
And then there’s the birria taco stand—because of course there is—and the line is criminally long, people clutching Styrofoam trays of consommé like their lives depend on it.
Your stomach rumbles.
By the time you settle on something—one of those ridiculous but beautiful smash burgers, glossy brioche bun soaking up all that greasy, caramelized goodness—you barely get your wallet out before Yeji hip-checks you out of the way.
“I pay, I pay, I pay,” she announces, tapping her phone against the card reader with swift finality.
You blink. “Okay, what?”
Yeji grins, entirely too pleased with herself. “Well, I’m obviously paying for my beautiful girlfriend, and I kinda figured I’d put you in the package deal.”
You snort, giving her a shove. “Fine. But beers later on me.”
“Deal,” she says easily, tossing the receipt onto the counter like a Wall Street exec closing a million-dollar deal.
Irya latches onto your arm, steering you out of the way so Yeji can continue flirting with the guy behind the counter—some blue-haired, too-many-rings kind of guy who’s already leaning into it, smirking as Yeji compliments his “artistry” with the grill.
��She’s ridiculous,” you mutter.
Irya hums, but there’s amusement in her eyes as she grabs your food, balancing her own order on top of yours. “Just my type of ridiculous.”
You shake your head, leading the way toward a set of old picnic tables at the edge of the food truck lot. The wood is worn, graffiti-scratched and dented from years of use, but it’s clean enough. You drop into a seat, setting your tray down, and Irya follows, sliding in across from you.
She sets her elbow on the table, chin resting lightly in her palm, and smiles. A lock of blonde hair falls loose, catching the light, and she tucks it back behind her ear absently.
“So, Emma’s birthday tonight?”
You unwrap your burger, glancing up at her. “Yeah.”
She studies you for a second, eyes warm. “Excited?”
You hesitate. 
“Yeah,” you say again, but it comes out different this time. Not untrue, exactly, but not as sure as it should be.
Irya notices. Tilts her head slightly, patient, the corners of her mouth tugging into something knowing. 
“You don’t have to be.”
A breath of something close to laughter slips out of you.
 “I mean, I am excited,” you say, because you are. “It’s just—it’s been a while. We used to be really close in high school, but then, you know… life.”
Irya nods, thumb idly tracing the grain of the table. “She’s in Columbia, right?”
“Yeah. I stayed in-state for a bit before moving here. Different cities, different schools, different everything.” You shrug, picking at the edge of the wax paper lining your tray. “We tried to keep in touch, but it’s not the same when you’re not living through the same things anymore. And then you just… don’t talk as much. And then that becomes normal.”
“And now?”
“Now she’s in the city, and I guess we’re both trying to reconnect.”
“That’s good,” Irya says, and she means it. “It’s nice when people want to find their way back to each other.”
“Yeah,” you murmur, glancing down at your food, pushing a fry through the puddle of ketchup on your tray. “Yeah, I guess it is.”
Irya watches you, quiet for a second. Then—
“She’s inviting a lot of people, right?”
You nod, grateful for the slight shift in direction. “Yeah. Told me to bring people, too, so I figured you and Yeji. Maybe Jimin.”
“Jimin would love that.” Irya grins. “He’s been in study-group hell all week. He deserves some fun.”
“You think?” You manage to say whilst chewing on the potato. “I thought I wouldn’t be doing him any favors. Like, he’s the type of person to say yes just out of obligation. And I didn’t want to pressure him into anything.”
Irya makes a soft sound of amusement, propping her chin in her palm. “Nah. If Jimin really didn’t want to go, he’d find a way to say no without actually saying no.”
You pause mid-chew. “What does that mean?”
“It means he’d do that thing where he apologizes like, three different ways in the same sentence, but somehow, you still walk away not totally sure if he said yes or no.”
You snort, swallowing. “Okay, yeah. That sounds about right.”
Irya grins, poking at her fries. “And anyway, he actually likes going out. He just overthinks it first.”
“You say that like you’re sure.”
“I am sure,” she says breezily. “I have classes with him. I watch it happen in real time.”
“Real time?”
“Oh, yeah. Like, someone invites him somewhere, and you can see him start to spiral. Like, ‘Okay, but what if I go and I regret it? But what if I don’t go and I regret that instead? But what if I go, but it’s not fun? But what if I don’t go, and it was fun, and now I’m missing out?’” She mimics his voice, exaggerated and tragic, and you can’t help but laugh.
“Okay, but that is a valid crisis.”
“It is,” Irya agrees, laughing too. “But the point is, once he actually gets there, he has a good time.” She levels you with a look, half teasing, half expectant. “So invite him.”
You sigh, reaching for another fry. “Fine.”
And then—
“I got us free dumplings.”
Yeji appears out of nowhere, sliding into the seat next to Irya and dropping a white takeout box onto the table like she’s just secured a goddamn business deal.
You blink. “How?”
She shrugs, already reaching for a dumpling. “Wouldn’t take my money.”
“That doesn’t answer the question.”
Irya hums, all faux-innocent. “Didn’t happen to have anything to do with that very long, very intimate conversation you were having with the guy behind the counter, did it?”
Yeji smirks around a bite of dumpling. “I dunno. Did it?”
You snort, shaking your head. “Men and their non-existent gaydars.”
“Right? Kinda sucks when she grabs all their attention,” Irya smiles, reaching for a dumpling of her own.
“Not my fault he was easy to entertain,” Yeji says, looking entirely unbothered. “Anyway, eat. They’re fresh.”
You don’t argue. The dumplings are good—warm, crisp at the edges, the filling rich with just the right balance of spice.
Yeji watches you for a second, chewing thoughtfully. “So what were we talking about?”
“Jimin,” Irya supplies.
Yeji groans. “Ugh. Tragic little academic. Is he still alive?”
Irya nods, popping a dumpling into her mouth. “Barely. But we’re dragging him to Emma’s party tonight, so he might actually remember what fun feels like.”
Yeji quirks an eyebrow, chewing slowly. “Emma?” She flicks a glance at you. “Your other friend? Birthday girl?”
You take a sip of your drink. “Mmhm.”
Yeji hums, tapping her chopsticks against the takeout box. “Bestie competition, then.”
You nearly choke. “Oh my god.”
Irya grins, delighted. “It is kind of serious. High school bestie versus new college besties.”
Yeji tilts her head, considering. “I don’t know, man. Legacy friends have an unfair advantage. History. Nostalgia.”
“Yeah,” Irya sighs, fake mournful. “How can we ever compete with the memories?”
You level them both with a flat look. “You’ve known me for a month.”
Yeji leans back. “It’s been a whole month already? Woah.”
“We’re joking. I’m sure we’ll get along.” Irya adds.
You snort, shaking your head.
Yeji watches you for a second, still smirking, but then the expression shifts—just a little. 
“Are you excited?”
The question catches you off guard. Not because it’s unexpected, but because it’s… genuine.
You pause, setting down your cup. 
“Yeah,” you say, slower this time. “I mean, I haven’t seen her in a while, so it’ll be��nice. A little weird, maybe. But nice.”
Yeji nods. “You gonna introduce us?”
You blink. “Uh. Yeah?”
Irya arches her eyebrows. “Yeah?”
You groan. “Oh my god, what is that supposed to mean?”
Yeji shrugs, reaching for another dumpling. “I mean, if she’s bestie material, we gotta vet her.”
“Shouldn’t she be the one vetting you two? She’s known me since I had braces and a regrettable side bang phase. Feels like she’s got seniority here.”
Yeji gasps. “Wow. So you’re saying we have no authority in this situation?”
“We really don’t.” Irya muses, almost singsonging.
“I don’t know,” Yeji muses, tapping a finger against her chin. “I feel like we bring some very important qualifications to the table. For example, we met Y/N when she was already in her fully realized, evolved form. We didn’t just settle for her because we grew up in the same town.”
You roll your eyes. “Jesus.”
Yeji nods, completely serious. “Yeah, we got to make an informed choice. Handpicked, if you will.”
“Wow, lucky me.”
Irya grins. “So lucky.”
You shake your head, reaching for another fry. “Just… behave.”
“I always behave,” Yeji says, smirking. “You’re just afraid we’ll be better besties than Emma.”
You scoff. “That’s not even remotely the issue.”
“Then what is the issue?” Irya prompts, head tilting to the side.
You hesitate. Not because you don’t know, but because saying it out loud feels like giving it weight. Giving it power.
You exhale. “It’s just—there’s a difference between keeping in touch and actually knowing someone after years apart. And I guess I don’t know if we still… fit the way we used to.”
That quiets them for a beat.
Yeji tilts her head, watching you with something unreadable in her gaze. Irya rests her chin in her palm again, a small, knowing smile playing at her lips.
“That’s fair,” Irya says, voice softer this time. “It’s weird when people grow in different directions. Sometimes you come back together. Sometimes you don’t.”
You nod, not entirely trusting yourself to speak.
“But hey,” Yeji cuts in, voice as casual as ever, “if she sucks, at least you’ll have us.”
You huff a laugh. “So generous of you.”
She winks. “I know.”
And just like that, the weight on your chest feels a little lighter.
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You stare at your reflection, one eye perfectly winged, the other a smudged disaster—like your life, really: half put together, half absolute chaos.
You lean closer to the mirror, squinting at your uneven eyeliner with the kind of intense focus that FBI agents would reserve for defusing bombs or something. You've been at this for twenty minutes now, and your right eye is starting to look like it's been drawn by a five-year-old with a crayon during an earthquake.
"Fuck," you mutter, reaching for a cotton swab. 
Third time's the charm, right? 
Or maybe fifth. 
You've lost count.
From the living room, Griffin's thunderous purr competes with Yeji's animated voice. She's been trying to convince Yoongi to produce some track for her for the past fifteen minutes, her persistence almost admirable if it weren't so clearly futile. Yoongi's monotone responses barely register over the distance, but you can picture his expression—bored, unbothered, probably wanting to kill himself before engaging.
"Orange cats are literally the basic bitches of the cat world," Yeji declares loudly enough for you to hear. "Black cats have personality. They have depth. They're mysterious."
"Tell that to Griffin," Irya responds, her voice warm and amused. "He seems pretty content being basic on your lap right now."
"That's cats for you," Yeji sighs dramatically. "The least person who wants them is the one who gets them."
You smile despite your eyeliner frustration. Because it’s ironic—Yeji, who swears black cats are superior, is now trapped under Griffin's substantial orange weight. 
That's karma, feline edition.
You’re wearing a dress to the gathering—the same one from that night in January. You've worn it exactly once since buying it, and now it's making its second appearance. 
It's not like you planned it this way. It just happened to be the perfect outfit for Emma's birthday dinner. 
(At least that's what you tell yourself as you deliberately avoid examining your motives too closely.)
Emma. Your high school friend. Your only real connection to your life before college. 
Before this apartment. 
Before Jungkook. 
You haven't seen her in months (since that night in January), and there's a strange anxiety bubbling in your stomach that has nothing to do with your makeup struggles. 
You did vibe back then. But… was it a ‘we vibe because we are going out’ situation; or was it because you two actually connected?
People change. You've changed. The question hanging in the air is whether you've changed in compatible ways.
At least you won't be alone tonight. Emma said you could bring friends, so naturally, you are bringing them along.
You dab at your eyeliner again, smudging it further. Great. Now you look like you've been punched. Or crying. Or both.
A soft knock on the door interrupts your silent self-criticism.
"Come in," you call, not bothering to hide your frustration. It's not like anyone in this apartment hasn't seen you in various states of disaster before.
The door creaks open, and Jimin's face appears in the gap, his expression shifting from curious to sympathetic as he takes in your makeup situation.
"Having trouble?" he asks, stepping into the small bathroom. 
The space immediately feels warmer with him in it. Jimin has that effect—like a human comfort blanket.
"What gave it away?" you deadpan, gesturing to your face. "The fact that I look like I let a toddler do my makeup, or the fact that I've been in here for half an hour?"
He laughs softly, the sound gentle and reassuring. "It's not that bad."
"Liar."
"Okay, it's a little uneven," he admits, moving closer to examine your handiwork. His eyes narrow slightly as he studies your face with unexpected intensity. "Let me."
Before you can respond, he's taking the eyeliner from your hand, his fingers brushing against yours in a brief moment of warmth.
"You know how to do this?" you ask, surprised.
"I have sisters," he says simply, which doesn't really answer your question, but you don't push it. "Close your eye," he instructs, his voice soft but confident.
You comply, feeling the gentle pressure of his hand steadying your face. His touch is light, precise—and you can’t help but feel this is some sort of significant moment. 
"Stay still," he murmurs, and you can sense the smile forming on his lips.
The eyeliner glides across your lid with surprising smoothness. One stroke, then another. No hesitation in his movement. You're impressed and a little confused by his skill, but mostly grateful.
"Where did you learn to—"
"Shh," he interrupts. "No talking or I'll mess up."
You fall silent, letting him work. There's something about Jimin that's always made you curious. He's like a book with half the pages glued together—what you can read is beautiful, but you sense there's more to the story.
"Done," he announces after a moment, stepping back to admire his work. "Take a look."
You turn to the mirror and blink in surprise. The wing is perfect—sharp enough to kill a man, as Yeji herself would say. It matches the other eye exactly, creating a symmetry you couldn't achieve on your own.
"Jimin, this is..." you trail off, turning to face him. "How are you so good at this?"
He shrugs, a small, almost shy grin playing at his lips. "I just have a steady hand, I guess."
There's more to it than that—you can tell by the way he avoids your eyes, the slight flush creeping up his neck. But something tells you not to press further. 
Everyone has their secrets.
Private pieces they're not ready to share. 
You, of all people, know that.
"Well, whatever the reason, thank you," you say sincerely. "You just saved me from looking like a hot mess at Emma's birthday."
"Happy to help," he replies, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. "You look beautiful."
The compliment is simple, genuine, without the weight of expectation or desire that usually accompanies such words from men. 
It's refreshing. Because you feel like Jimin sees you—really sees you—without wanting anything in return.
"We should probably get going soon," he says, glancing at his watch. "Yeji's been threatening to leave without us for the past ten minutes."
"As if she would," you scoff, reaching for your lipstick. "She's too excited about meeting Emma and judging her worthiness."
Jimin laughs. "True. Though I think she's more excited about the free food."
"Priorities," you agree with a smile.
You apply your lipstick—a muted berry shade that complements your eyeshadow without being too dramatic. The final touch to your appearance. Not too casual, not too glamorous. Perfect for a birthday dinner.
You've always loved makeup, the ritual of it, the transformation. 
Not because you're trying to hide or become someone else, but because it's an extension of yourself—another form of expression. 
You're so tired of those cliché "not like other girls" characters in movies and books who supposedly wear nothing but mascara yet somehow have flawless skin and perfect brows. 
As if enjoying makeup somehow makes you shallow or less authentic.
The truth is, most girls you know love makeup to some degree. Some for the artistry, some for the confidence boost, some just because it's fun. And you're no different. 
That doesn't make you basic or vain—it makes you human. 
A human who happens to enjoy the satisfying swipe of a good lipstick.
"Ready?" Jimin asks, holding the door open for you.
You take one last look at your reflection. The girl staring back looks put together, confident. 
Whether she actually feels that way is another story entirely, but hey—fake it till you make it, right?
"Ready," you confirm.
You're halfway out the door when you pause. 
Something's missing. The final touch.
"Oh, wait. Cologne."
Jimin nods understandingly, already retreating toward the living room. "Don't take too long or Yeji might actually follow through on her threats this time."
You turn back to the bathroom counter, sliding open the narrow drawer where your collection lives. Four different bottles stare back at you, each with its own personality, its own statement. Your fingers hover over them, indecisive, until they land on one particular bottle.
Ember.
The golden liquid catches the bathroom light, glowing like trapped sunlight inside the crystal bottle. 
You haven't used it since... well, since that night in January. You've been saving it for special occasions, though what constitutes "special" has remained conveniently undefined.
You lift the bottle, turning it in your hand. You apply it to your wrists, your neck, your ears. And before you can overthink it, you bring it to your nose, inhaling lightly.
Memories unfurl instantly, blooming in your mind like clouds puffing up in a winter sky. They tumble through your consciousness, overwhelming and vivid, making it hard to breathe—though you're not entirely sure you want to.
His hands on your hips, fingers pressing into your skin with just enough pressure to leave phantom marks that lingered for days afterward. 
His slicked chin when he smiled up at you from between your thighs, all smug and proud for making you cum with his tongue. 
His infuriating, satisfied smirk that somehow annoyed you, but also turned you on.
Rosy cheeks and disheveled hair, soft eyes in the aftermath. 
You distinctly remember that was the first time you had thought Jungkook looked cute. Not just hot or sexy, but genuinely cute in a way that had caught you off guard.
And you didn't even know his name then.
The door swings open without warning.
You nearly drop the bottle, fumbling to catch it before it shatters against the tile floor. Your heart leaps into your throat as you look up, startled.
Jungkook peers inside, and you both freeze, staring at each other like you don’t know which one of you should stay and which one of you should leave. His eyes flick from your face to the bottle in your hand, recognition dawning in his expression.
A long pause.
Your eyes drift down his torso, inevitably.
He's wearing a black t-shirt that hugs his frame in all the right places, hair rumpled and messy. His rainy-like scent envelops the cramped space, mingling with the lingering notes of vanilla on your wrist like they’ve always belonged together. 
His eyes drift too. Drop lower, taking in the dress hugging your curves, fingers tightening on the doorframe, knuckles whitening with the pressure. 
You watch the subtle movement, the physical manifestation of restraint, and feel an answering tightness in your chest.
You haven't spoken since Tuesday. Since the fight about Jason. Since he suddenly starting talking about vibes like he’s the type of guy to trust his gut.
And maybe he is. 
And maybe you aren’t.
"Sorry," he says finally, breaking the silence. "Didn't know you were in here."
He avoids your gaze.
You don’t know if that makes you angry or anxious. It’s hard to determine what’s crippling your chest.
"It's fine. I was just leaving."
Neither of you moves.
His eyes drift to the cologne bottle again. Recognition, desire, frustration. 
Then, he masks it. 
But you caught it. 
He remembers the fragrance.
And how could he not? When he constantly praised it that night, how it rested on your skin, how good it made you smell, how fucking good you tasted.
"Going somewhere?" he asks then, interrupting your conflicting thoughts.
"Emma's birthday dinner," you reply, voice tight.
He nods slowly, gaze returning to the dress. The dress from that night. The dress he peeled off you with those same hands now gripping the doorframe like it's the only thing keeping him anchored.
You should move. You should cap the cologne, put it away, walk past him and join your friends who are waiting. You should maintain the cold war you've established since your fight.
Instead, you find yourself asking, "Did you need something?"
He purses his lips. "Just needed to pee.”
"Right," you say. "I'll get out of your way."
You cap the cologne, and you just know his eyes are tracking your every motion. Because that’s Jungkook for you—when he’s focused on something, it’s obvious.
You move toward the door—toward him—and it’s like suddenly, the small bathroom feels impossibly smaller. Like there’s not enough space for both of you and all the unspoken words crowding the air.
You'll have to squeeze past him. There's no way to avoid it.
His grip on the doorframe tightens further, as if he's holding himself back. From what, you're not entirely sure. Touching you? Yelling at you? Both seem equally possible.
"Excuse me," you murmur.
He steps back marginally, not enough to clear the path completely. 
Like he’s hesitating. 
Like he doesn’t know whether he wants to move for real, or stay rooted in place.
“Jungkook,” you say, and his name feels strange on your tongue after days of not speaking it. “Move.”
“You smell like that night,” he settles for staying instead of moving, voice dropping lower, annoyed. “You know that, right? You’re going to smell exactly like you did when I had you against that wall.”
Your breath catches. Heat blooms across your chest, up your neck.
“That’s not—” you start, but the lie dies on your lips. 
Because it is. Of course it is. You knew exactly what you were doing when you reached for that bottle.
You see his jaw work. His tongue peek against the inside of his cheek. His eyes lock into yours like he wants to say something else.
But he doesn’t. 
“Have fun at your dinner,” is all he comes up with, stepping aside. 
The movement feels like it costs him something.
You move past him. Take a deep breath, pushing thoughts of Jungkook aside. 
Tonight isn’t about him. It’s about Emma, about reconnecting with a part of your life that existed before this apartment, before him.
But as you step into the living room, you can still feel the weight of his gaze on your back, can still smell Ember on your skin, can still hear his voice in your ear.
You know that, right? You’re going to smell exactly like you did when I had you against that wall.
And the worst part is, you don’t know why or how—but maybe that’s exactly what you wanted.
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The restaurant is too loud, too crowded, too New York—but Emma’s hug is warm, and that makes up for it.
“Finally.” She squeezes you tight, like she’s trying to merge your atoms together. “You took forever.”
Yeji, behind you, snorts. “Blame her eyeliner existential crisis.”
Emma pulls back, eyebrows raised. “Oh? We still doing that?”
“We are always doing that,” you deadpan.
She laughs—her laugh. It’s the same as it was in high school, loud and full, like she actually enjoys things instead of just tolerating them. That hasn’t changed. Neither has the way she looks at you, eyes scanning your face, taking you in like she’s checking if you’re still the same person too.
The answer? You don’t know.
“Come on, I’ll introduce you guys,” she says, looping an arm through yours.
You let yourself be pulled in—into the restaurant, into her world, into the crowd of fifteen fucking people all squeezed around a too-small table in the back corner. She moves through the chaos easily, hand on your wrist, steering you like she used to when you were seventeen and invincible.
“This is Yeji, Irya, and Jimin,” you say as you go, pointing them out like exhibits in a museum.
Emma grins at them, all effortless charm. “Your uni friends. I’ve heard so much.”
Jimin, ever polite, smiles back. “All good things, I hope.”
Emma does not confirm or deny, which says enough.
There’s a blur of names you won’t remember—Emma’s friends, classmates, people who probably have their lives together in a way you do not. Someone pulls her into another conversation, and you hover awkwardly at the edge of the group, watching her slip back into a world that isn’t yours.
It’s strange.
You used to know everything about her. Every inside joke, every dream, every late-night insecurity whispered over FaceTime. 
But now—now you’re an observer. 
A guest.
Still, when she sits, she grabs your wrist again and tugs you down next to her.
“So,” she starts, picking up her glass—red wine, something deep and rich. “Are you finally admitting that I was right, or are we still in the denial phase?”
You blink, thrown. “About what?”
She gives you a look. “Do I have to spell it out?”
Your stomach knots.
Jungkook. She means Jungkook.
You exhale through your nose, reaching for your water instead. “We are so not doing this here.”
Emma grins, but she lets it go—for now.
Instead, she leans back. “God, I forgot how exhausting socializing is. I swear, law school is turning me into one of those people who can only function in coffee shops and libraries.”
You snort. “You were already that person in high school.”
“True,” she concedes, tilting her glass toward you. “But now it’s worse. Now I actually enjoy tax law. Like, genuinely. It’s fascinating.”
You wrinkle your nose. “I refuse to believe that.”
“Swear on my life,” she says, amused. “You should see me in my internship. I get excited about deductions. I have a favorite tax loophole.”
“That’s disgusting.”
Emma just grins. “Give it time. One day, you’ll come to me, desperate for tax advice, and I’ll be your only hope. And I will lord it over you.”
“You wish.”
“Oh, I know.”
You roll your eyes but can’t help the way your lips twitch. It’s easy, falling into conversation with Emma. Easier than you thought it would be, considering how much has changed since high school.
“So, what’s the plan then?” you ask, nudging your knee against hers under the table. “You still set on Seattle after graduation?”
Emma hesitates. Not in a bad way—more like she’s holding onto something, waiting for the right moment.
“Actually,” she says, twirling the stem of her glass between her fingers. “I’ve been thinking about Europe.”
You raise an eyebrow. “Europe?”
“Yeah.” She leans forward slightly, eyes lighting up. “I did a summer program there—France, Italy, Greece, Spain. It was insane. I loved it. I don’t know, I just—” She exhales, shaking her head like she can’t quite put it into words. “Seattle was always the safe plan, you know? The practical one. But now? I keep thinking about the Mediterranean coast. The markets, the people. It feels like people there work to live, not live to work like they do here in America.”
You watch her carefully. Emma has always been a planner, a strategist. She doesn’t make decisions lightly.
And yet—she looks alive talking about this.
“So, what?” you ask. “You’re gonna become a tax attorney in Greece? Help rich expats avoid paying their fair share?”
Emma snorts. “God, no. If I go, I’d probably work with international firms, corporate law, maybe even consulting. It’s different over there, you know? Taxes, policies, loopholes—everything shifts depending on the country, the treaties in place.”
“You realize you sound even worse now, right?”
“Shut up,” she laughs. “At least I’m passionate about something.”
You hum, thoughtful. “So, Europe.”
“Maybe,” she says. “Nothing’s set in stone yet.”
But you can tell, just from the way she says it, that it’s more than a maybe.
It’s funny. The last time you saw her, she was talking about Seattle like it was inevitable. Now she’s talking about the Mediterranean coast with the kind of quiet certainty that makes you think she’s already half there.
People change.
You’ve changed.
And yet, it feels like nothing between you two has changed at all. 
Emma eyes you for a long moment, then smirks. 
“Your turn.”
You blink. “What?”
“You’ve barely told me anything about your life,” she says. “How’s English? Still planning on breaking the hearts of young, impressionable students as a professor?”
“First of all, no. That is not the plan. And second—”
“You can’t tell me you don’t look the part,” she teases. “The eyeliner? The whole vibe? You’d have students falling in love with you instantly.”
“I hate you.”
She grins. “I missed you too.”
You feel it, then—the warmth of familiarity, of friendship. It settles in your chest, light and unburdened, and for the first time in a while, you think:
This is nice.
Even with the changes, even with the time apart, even with the half-truths lingering at the back of your throat—this is still Emma.
“Come on,” Emma nudges your arm, eyes gleaming. “Let me introduce you to my favorite tax nerds.”
You groan, but let her pull you toward the other end of the table. “If I die of boredom, I’m haunting you.”
“They’re fun,” she insists, dodging between chairs and half-full wine glasses. “For tax people, anyway.”
The group is mid-conversation when you arrive—something about offshore accounts, corporate loopholes, and why the ultra-wealthy pay less in taxes than you probably spend on coffee each year. (Fascinating.) Chris and Max, two guys who both look like they were born wearing pressed button-ups, are deep in debate, hands gesturing, voices overlapping.
But the girl sitting across from you—Nina—just listens, quiet, observant.
She clocks you the moment you sit down. And you clock her right back.
Dark brown skin, black curls tucked behind one ear, a delicate gold necklace resting just above the collar of an oversized sweater. The sleeves are pushed up to reveal slender wrists, and she has the kind of presence that doesn’t need to fill space to be felt. 
There’s something measured about her. Something thoughtful. Like she only speaks when there’s something worth saying.
She’s pretty.
Really pretty.
But it’s more than that. She’s composed in a way that makes you hyperaware of yourself—your posture, the way you’re holding your drink, the way she looks at you with a quiet, unreadable expression.
“Hi,” she says, voice smooth, accent lilting ever so slightly.
It’s just that—simple. Friendly. Maybe.
You clear your throat. “Hey.”
Emma gestures between you. “Nina, this is my friend from high school—the one I told you about?”
Nina hums like she remembers, tilting her head. “The one who thinks tax law is boring?”
You blink. “Emma told you that?”
“She warned me in advance,” Nina says, lips twitching. “Said you might try to stage an intervention.”
You shoot Emma a look, but she’s already sipping her wine, unbothered. 
“Well,” you say, turning back to Nina, “I was going to be polite about it, but now I feel like I have a responsibility.”
That gets a small smile out of her. Just a slight curve of the lips, like she’s amused but won’t give you the satisfaction of knowing just how much.
You don’t know why that makes you want to push, just a little.
“So,” you continue, tilting your head, “what is it, then? The thing about tax law that actually doesn’t put you to sleep?”
Nina considers this. Takes a slow sip of her drink. And when she speaks, it’s not rushed—it’s careful.
“It’s not about the numbers,” she says, setting her glass down. “Not really. It’s about human nature. About how people behave when they think no one is watching. Governments set up incentives, and people react accordingly. It’s a game of strategy. A reflection of what a society actually values, not just what it claims to.”
You weren’t expecting that answer.
Your fingers tighten slightly around your glass. “So, what—you think taxes are, like, a moral compass?”
Nina shrugs. “Not a moral compass. But they show you what people are willing to bend the rules for. What they think is worth cheating for. And that’s… interesting, I think.”
You watch her, trying to get a read on her. She’s got this almost effortless kind of intrigue—the kind of person who could make anything sound poetic if she wanted to.
Emma groans. “Oh god, don’t encourage her. She’ll start talking about capital gains tax next.”
Nina lifts a brow. “It’s actually fascinating, if you—”
“Absolutely not,” Emma interrupts. “Nope. I refuse.”
You smirk. “I don’t know, Em. I kind of want to hear her out.”
Emma glares at you. “Do not encourage the tax philosophy.”
But Nina is looking at you again. Not in a dramatic way. Not in a way that screams I’m interested. But in a way that’s… present. Attentive. Like she actually finds this conversation worth having.
And maybe that means nothing.
Or maybe it does.
You’re not sure.
Which—God, why is this always harder with girls?
With guys, it’s obvious. But with girls—well. You think she’s enjoying this. But is she just enjoying it, or is there something else there? Is this just conversation, or is it something that, in hindsight, will feel like a moment?
You have no fucking idea.
The conversation shifts after that—Emma talks about her summer in Europe, Chris and Max start debating New York’s best pizza, someone brings up an upcoming bar crawl.
And then, at some point, Nina glances at her phone before looking at you again.
“You mind if I get your number?” she asks.
Casual. Easy. Nothing in her tone suggests it’s anything more than that.
“Emma talks about you a lot,” she adds, mouth twitching slightly. “I feel like I should probably fact-check at least half of it.”
Emma swats at her, but you barely register it, already pulling your phone out.
You’re not reading into it. You’re not.
But also—
You kind of are.
Still, you hand your phone over, watch as Nina types in her number, then passes it back. Just a name in your contacts now. Simple. Unassuming.
You have no idea if you just made a new friend or if this is something else.
And honestly?
You kind of like not knowing.
“Well, well, well,” Yeji drawls, sliding into the conversation without invitation. “Are we allowed to sit, or is this a tax-exclusive gathering?”
You exhale. “Jesus, Yeji.”
“What? We were getting bored.” She drops into the seat beside you, tossing an arm over Irya’s chair. “Jimin’s been overanalyzing the condensation on his glass for the past fifteen minutes, and Irya’s just been smiling at people like a lost pageant contestant.”
“I was being friendly,” Irya corrects, unfazed.
“You were being too friendly.”
“Networking,” Irya insists, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “I love people.”
“You do,” Emma says, delighted. “It’s terrifying.”
Irya beams, pleased. Yeji just sighs like she’s accepted her fate.
Nina watches all of this unfold with quiet amusement, her fingers tracing the rim of her glass. “You two are together?”
Yeji tilts her head. “That a problem?”
Nina meets her gaze evenly. “No. It’s nice.”
It’s a simple statement, but it rings genuine, like she’s not just saying it to be polite. Yeji studies her for a second longer before nodding, satisfied, and pulling Irya in to kiss her temple.
Emma turns to you, grinning. “Your friends are so much more fun than my law ones.”
You smirk. “That’s because they have souls.”
Chris, still lingering in the tax-law-heavy end of the table, lifts a hand in protest. “Hey.”
Yeji ignores him completely, waving to Nina instead. “So, you’re a tax philosopher?”
Nina looks faintly amused but nods. “That’s what they tell me.”
“Cool, cool,” Yeji muses, reaching for Irya’s wine and taking a sip before Irya can protest. “And do you also believe that money isn’t real?”
Nina tilts her head slightly, considering. “I think it’s real in the sense that it determines the way the world functions. But I also think it’s one of the biggest shared delusions humanity has ever committed to.”
Yeji brightens. “See? This is the tax conversation I want to be having.”
You roll your eyes, but Nina takes it in stride. She’s good at this, you notice—letting conversations unfold naturally, never forcing her presence but never fading into the background either.
Across from you, Jimin has settled into his usual quiet observation, sipping his drink slowly. He’s not uncomfortable, just taking it all in. He catches your eye at one point, a small look that says ‘you good?’
You nod, barely perceptible.
He doesn’t push. Just gives a small nod back and turns his attention back to the conversation. Just listening in.
Emma leans in slightly, nudging your arm. “I like them,” she murmurs.
You glance at her, raising a brow. “Yeah?”
She hums. “They make you lighter.”
It’s such an Emma thing to say—blunt in a way that doesn’t feel invasive, just observant. 
You don’t respond right away, but you don’t need to. 
She’s already grinning like she knows the answer.
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The apartment is quiet when you finally get home, the only light coming from the TV screen where some game is paused. 
Jungkook is sprawled on the couch, controller resting loosely in his hands, looking like he's been there for hours. He glances up when the door closes behind you, expression neutral.
"It's late," he says, not quite a question.
You drop your keys in the bowl by the door. "Yeah."
"Had fun?" He unpauses the game, thumbs moving lazily over the controller buttons. His character on screen walks aimlessly into a wall.
"Yeah," you say, kicking off your heels with a sigh of relief. "Emma's friends are cool. We ended up at this bar in Brooklyn after dinner."
He makes a noncommittal sound, still not looking at you.
"Jason wasn't there, though, so don't worry," you add, unable to help yourself.
That gets his attention. His thumbs still, and he scoffs, a short, sharp sound in the quiet apartment. 
“You know I don't give a fuck about that guy, right?"
"Really?" You raise an eyebrow, heading to the kitchen for water. "Because you seemed to have very strong opinions about him on Tuesday."
The controller drops onto the couch as he turns to face you fully. 
“Look," he says, voice tight with frustration. "I don't give a fuck who you fuck or who you date. Seriously. Not my business."
"Yup. Three rules," you start, unscrewing the cap on your water bottle.
"One, no one knows," he recites, cutting you off.
"Two, if somebody asks, we're just roommates," you continue.
"And three," he interrupts again, more forcefully, "no feelings. I know the fucking rules, Phoenix. I helped make them."
You take a long drink of water, studying him over the bottle. His hair is messy in a stupid endearing way, and there are shadows under his eyes. 
"So what was Tuesday about, then?" you ask finally.
He exhales slowly, jaw working. "I told you. The guy gives me bad vibes."
"Bad vibes," you repeat flatly.
"Yeah. Bad fucking vibes." He rubs a hand over his face. "Look, I know how it sounded, okay? But it's not—" He stops, frustrated. "It's not about you. Or us. Or whatever the fuck we're doing."
You consider him for a moment, then set your water bottle down and cross to the couch, sitting on the opposite end. 
"Explain."
"What?"
"Explain these 'bad vibes.' Because from where I was sitting, it sounded irrational."
"It's not—" He stops again, shaking his head. "You know what? Forget it. Not my problem."
"Jungkook."
He looks at you, surprised by the use of his actual name.
"I'm trying to understand," you say, softer than you intended. "So explain it to me."
He studies you for a long moment, like he's trying to decide if you're serious. 
Finally, he sighs. "He's fake."
"Fake how?"
"The way he talks. The way he looks at you when you're not watching. The way he touched your arm in the car." His words come faster now. "The way he asked about your schedule, your classes. The way he positioned himself between us. It's all... calculated."
You frown. "That's a lot to read into a few interactions."
"I know what I saw," he insists. "Guys like that... they start small. Compliments. Attention. Making you feel special. Then it's suggestions about what you should wear. Who you should hang out with. What classes you should take."
His tone is raw, really raw, and you realize it’s the first time you’ve heard him talk like this. 
Like it’s personal.
“You're saying he's controlling."
"I'm saying he could be." He runs a hand through his hair, messing it up further. "Look, I've seen it before, okay? People who seem perfect on the surface but underneath they're just... manipulative. They make you think everything's your idea when really they're pulling all the strings."
You're quiet for a moment, processing. 
"This isn't just about Jason, is it?"
His eyes flick to yours, then away. 
"I told you. It's not about you or us."
"But it is about someone."
He doesn't answer, but his silence is confirmation enough.
"Mia?" you ask softly.
"I don't want to talk about her."
"Okay," you say, respecting the boundary even as curiosity burns through you. "But that's why you're worried about Jason? Because he reminds you of her?"
"Not of her specifically," he says after a pause. "Just... the type. The signs."
You pull your legs up onto the couch, turning to face him fully. "What signs?"
He looks at you for a long moment, like he's deciding how much to share. 
"The perfect act," he says finally. "The way everything seems rehearsed. The charm that never quite reaches their eyes." His voice drops lower. "The way they make you feel like you're the only person in the room, but it's not because they care about you. It's because they want something from you."
"And you think that's Jason?"
"I don't know," he admits. "Maybe I'm seeing things that aren't there. But my gut says something's off with him."
You consider this. "Your gut's been wrong before."
A bitter smile twists his lips. "Yeah. More than once."
Silence stretches between you, but it’s not the uncomfortable kind. It’s like you’re both still processing the words exchanged.
"I'm still going on the date," you say finally.
He nods, looking away. "I know."
"But I'll... keep what you said in mind. Watch for the signs."
He glances back at you, surprise flickering across his face. 
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." You shrug, trying to keep it casual. "Contrary to what you might think, I don't actually enjoy being manipulated."
"Could've fooled me," he mutters, but there's no real heat behind it.
You kick his thigh lightly with your foot. "Asshole."
The corner of his mouth twitches upward. "Brat."
Silence again. His forearms are resting on his knees, hands crossed together as his gaze remains unfocused.
"So," he says eventually, "how was the birthday girl?"
You're surprised by the question, by his apparent interest in your life outside this apartment. 
"Good," you say. "Different, but good. She's in Economics. Has a serious boyfriend. Wears a lot of beige."
"Sounds thrilling."
You laugh despite yourself. "It was actually nice. Weird, but nice. Like visiting a place you used to live but don't anymore."
He nods, understanding in his eyes. "Did your new friends play nice with your old friend?"
"Yeji, Irya and Jimin?" You smile at the memory. "They were on their best behavior. Well, Yeji's version of best behavior, which means she only made three inappropriate jokes and only drank half the table's wine."
He snorts. "Sounds about right."
"Emma liked them, though. I think." You pause, considering. "It's strange, bringing different parts of your life together."
"I bet it is," he agrees quietly.
You look at him, really look at him, sitting there in the dim light of the TV. For once, there's no smirk on his face, no challenge in his eyes. Just Jungkook, tired and rumpled and unexpectedly honest.
"Why were you still up?" you ask suddenly.
The question catches him off guard. "What?"
"It's 3 AM. Why are you still awake?"
He shrugs, defensive again. "Couldn't sleep. Thought I'd play for a bit."
You glance at the TV screen where his character has been standing in the same spot for the past ten minutes. 
"Right."
"What?" he demands.
"Nothing," you say, but you can't help the small smile that forms. "Just... nothing."
He narrows his eyes at you, but doesn't press.
"I should get to bed," you say, standing up. "It's late."
He nods, picking up the controller again. "Yeah."
You're halfway to your room when his voice stops you.
"Phoenix?"
You turn back. "Yeah?"
He’s staring at you, but it’s not the usual smirk. No. 
His eyes flick downward. To the floor, like he’s seriously considering his next words—or rather, if he should vocalize them at all. 
But then he looks up at you again, seemingly decided.
"You..." he starts, licking his lips like he’s trying to pull himself together. But he’s failing. "You know you smell fucking delicious, right? Like, it’s so fucking unfair."
Your pulse stutters. "Excuse me?"
"The cologne," he says, standing up. "You’ve been driving me insane the whole night. The whole apartment smells like you.”
You blink at him, caught somewhere between disbelief and something hotter, heavier. "I didn’t wear it for you."
"No?” His lips twitch, almost a smile but not quite—like he knows exactly how full of shit you are. "The cologne from that night. The dress from that night. And I’m supposed to believe that’s just a coincidence?"
"It is," you snap back, defensive even as your pulse betrays you by speeding up.
He exhales sharply, shaking his head like he can’t believe what he’s hearing—or maybe just like he can’t believe you.
“Fuck, Phoenix," he mutters, voice dropping into something rougher, more dangerous. "Do you have any idea how good you smell? How much I’ve been thinking about getting my mouth on you again?"
Your breath catches somewhere in your throat—an audible hitch that makes his eyes darken further.
"We’re fighting," you remind him weakly.
"Are we?" He steps closer, until there’s barely a whisper of space between you. "Because right now all I can think about is how wet you were for me the first time I smelled that shit on your skin."
You retreat physically; even though mentally you’re honestly already naked for him.
"Four days," he muses, tone dripping with frustration, almost needy. "Four days of smelling your shampoo in the bathroom, that stupid body lotion, and now—now you pull this shit. That’s fucking cruel, Nix.”
"You could’ve apologized," you point out dryly.
"For what?" He scoffs like the idea itself is offensive. "For telling the truth? For saying Jason gives me bad vibes?"
"There it is again," you say, crossing your arms over your chest like it’ll protect you from whatever energy he’s radiating right now. 
It doesn’t.
He exhales softly, eyes flicking to your lips before moving back up. 
“I’m being for real, Phoenix. Your vanilla shit drives me nuts,” he confesses bluntly.
Then llicks his lips, considering what he’s about to say 
But says it anyways. 
“I jerked off after you left.”
Your mouth opens and closes like a fish gasping for air.
"Couldn’t help it," he continues. “The smell of your cologne... seeing you in that dress again... I couldn’t get the image out of my head."
"What image?"
"The first time," he says slowly, like he wants every word to sink into your skin and stay there forever. "In that room. The way you tasted... the sounds you made when I had my tongue inside you."
Your legs threaten mutiny.
"And now?" You force yourself to ask because silence feels dangerous—like it might give him permission to keep going without restraint.
"Now?" He repeats, almost hushed. "Now, I’m… really craving vanilla.”
You should walk away—should turn around and retreat into your room where things are safe and quiet and not vibrating with tension so thick it feels alive—but instead?
Instead, your feet betray you by staying planted firmly in place: "Eat some cookies.”
“I want to eat something else.”
“What if I don’t want you to?”
He purses his lips. Tongue drops to lick the lower one. Gaze flickers to your mouth again before they come back to your pupils.
“You don’t?”
And the way he exhales it, like the mere idea of you saying no pains him—it melts through you. 
Especially when his hand finally finds its way to your waist (warm and solid and grounding despite everything else about this moment feeling anything but grounded).
All thoughts of resistance evaporate faster than they came.
"I do," you hear yourself reply. 
And when his lips brush against the sensitive skin just below your jawline?
You realize two things simultaneously:
One: You were never going to walk away from this moment no matter how much logic tried to intervene earlier.
Two: Logic doesn’t stand a chance against lust when Jungkook looks at you like this.
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goal: 400 notes
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⋆。°✩ taglist✩°。⋆
@cannotalwaysbenight @livingformintyoongi @itstoastsworld @jimineepaboya @somehowukook @stutixmaru @chloepiccoliniii @kimnamjoonmiddletoe @annyeongbitch7 @jkrailme @rpwprpwprpwprw @mar-lo-pap @jeontae @whothefuckisthishoe @mikrokookiex @minniejim
© jungkoode 2025 no reposts, translations, or adaptations
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solidaritygaming-fanblog · 2 days ago
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First off- Jimmy <3
Second, if you wanna answer— My boy Mumbo?
ehehehe I'll do them both <3
JIMMY:
How I feel: I have a whole blog for this guy. That's my man (by man I mean my comfort british blonde white twenty something year old man) (and I'm a lesbian). He's so silly. Throw him against the wall, pet his hair, give him a gun and everyone who's ever hurt him. He's just Jim
Romantic ships: *deep breath* in no particular order (and NOT real people)... Ren, Skizz, Mumbo, Joel, Scar, Martyn, Impulse, Oli, Sausage, Gem, Bigb, Fwhip, even ETHO, a touch of Joey.... there's so many wonderful rarepairs out there. He has chemistry with so many people. It's great
Platonic OTP: either seablings (because yeah), or Jimmy and Doc. Have you seen the clip of Jimmy calling for "dad" and Doc being like "dude you're triggering my parental instincts"? Because I've seen that clip and I adore it with every fiber of my being. It's lovely.
Unpopular opinion: either him cutting off his wings at every chance he gets except they always grow back, OR him worshiping the Watchers. Probably the Watcher worship.
One thing I wish was canon: HIM GETTING A SATISFYING KILL OR SOMETHING AS THE EVIL SHERIFF. PLEASE HE DESERVED TO LASH OUT AND HURT THOSE WHO HURT HIM.
MUMBO:
How I feel: he's so silly. He's so so silly. I'm holding him in two fingers from the neck of his suit like I'm holding a kitten. He is baby girl and he is the icon and he is the moment. Slay my goth king
Romantic ships: Jimmy? Sometimes? Sometimes Scar, sometimes Grian, sometimes both. Also him and Skizz are banger. Oh and him and Martyn... love them
Nonromantic otp: I had to think about this one. Um this is going to sound crazy but him and Bdubs. They bounce off each other so strangely... it's fascinating. OH AND HIM + JIMMY + LIZZIE
Unpopular opinion: He did almost all the circuitry for Grumbot with mycelium or mushrooms. And I personally headcanon Jrumbot's circuitry to have been done with sculk.
One thing I wish was canon: After his first death in Wild life, his mustache turned into a little pair of canary wings. It was only like that for a couple days but he was incredibly stressed by it.
Ummm yeah! Send me a character if you want and I'll fill this out for them!!!!
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susielesbianism · 1 year ago
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I love it when girls are in love!!!!
(Reblog, don’t repost)
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zombie-bait · 3 months ago
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Watch out Shadowheart!! She's going to kiss kill you for this!!
This is the next entry in my very self-indulgent BG3 fanart series where I dress them all up in Slovak/Czech inspired traditional Kroj :)) I was tempted to draw Lae'zel in men's Kroj like I did Karlach but the image of Shadowheart forcing her to wear a big flowy dress covered in lace was way funnier to me. I simply cannot resist a chance for more Shadow'zel in my life. Also flustered Lae'zel is *chef's kiss*. Anyway, more details under the cut (+ the girls side by side).
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The lil vest designs are meant to be swords! Not very traditional but I thought it would be cute for her.
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anonymocha · 11 months ago
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Bluepoch gave us the gift of barely-subtext tragic sapphic-centric media do NOT throw that away.
Context regarding PJSK and Undertale under cut.
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Project Sekai cast is dominated by female characters but mlm is more popular, meanwhile Undertale has canon wlw rep and oh my god they’re at the bottom. I have nothing against these fandoms or media (I’m literally currently/was in them) but yeah. I just HOPE r99 doesn’t end up in a similar state.
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smile-files · 6 months ago
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i have no desired answer for this!!!!! don't feel pressured to pick an answer based on what my gender actually is :)
responses will inevitably depend on what way you've interacted with me: have you been a long-time follower of mine, or are you new? or did you find this poll by chance, and don't even follow me? are we mutuals or online friends? do you frequently engage with my chatty text posts? have you heard my voice, talking or singing? do you know what i look like and how i dress? do you know which characters i kin? etc.
like all people i'm interested in how i come off to people, so if anything this is just a way for me to get a sense of that lol :P
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butchybats · 1 year ago
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I GOT YOU
lesbian DM thoughts
armand taking care of daniel during her period every month 🥹 letting daniel drink a little more of her blood than she usually does for strength and to help with her cramps orgasms also help with cramps
daniel isn't very feminine but armand is and she loves to look dolled up especially because she spent so many years wasting away underground. so sometimes when armand gets a bit sad and listless, daniel will bathe her, do her hair for her in either a pretty bun or a french braid, do her makeup very carefully (daniel never cared about this stuff before but she taught herself just for armand okay!)
idk if you know her but the very first supermodel was a woman named gia carangi in the 70s and 80s and her and her girlfriend are my reference for lesbian!devil's minion LOL I CAN'T LINK IN HERE BUT THIS IS THEM ESPECIALLY THE LAST TWO PICS https://reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/s/jeEgrXjLPC
hope your day/night gets better friend 💖
TYSM FOR THE ASK <33
• caretaking is one of my favorite tropes ever idc what universe it is in I will always be thinking about them taking care of each other especially in terms of illness/injury (which really would only be armand helping daniel but we can get funky with the rules <3)
okay back to periods though, I am so so convinced that Armand would coddle the hell out of Daniel!!! She is wrapped up in blankets on the couch with a big bottle of midol and her choice of drink on the side table and Armand is more than happy to give her the blood and rub her back and cuddle her and give her girl whatever she needs 🥹
And as you said orgasms are great painkillers!!! Listen literally the first prompt I ever saw on priapus was r63 devil’s minion period sex. Which I have tried writing something for like four times but am never happy with it anyway the possibilities are endless for that oh my goddd you just know that Armand would be insatiable acting like she hasn’t fed in weeks <3
• I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU!!!!!!! They are so butch/femme to me!!!!! Going to sob over the idea of Daniel bathing Armand, she’d bust out all the especially fancy expensive products and be so painstakingly thorough in washing her and then drying her off and massaging her with lotion… wailing 😭🥹. Genuinely I think there is so much romance/love in doing something for your partner particularly if it’s not your thing so I think Daniel taking the time to learn hairstyles and makeup to pamper Armand would really hit her right in the heart! They have a very sappy and emotional night over Armand’s spa treatment
• I DID NOT KNOW THIS THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME <3 Gia… wow I can see why she was the first supermodel! I’m. Jgvjgvhg yeah I’m very onboard for this LMAO but like omg it’s literally them that’s such a great face claim!!!
Thank you for the dm content and the kind wishes!! 💜🫂
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lckydog · 8 months ago
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it’s just so nice to find someone that you instantly connect with … like you just know that you belong together. honestly electrifying as you begin to realize that they might just be your person who understands you on a deeper level than most and they know it’s the same for them too. I’m not the best with words but when you know it, you know it y’know? :P
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vv-ispy · 20 days ago
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Not that there's no issues with how Sailor Neptune and Uranus are written bc there are, yet their ruthlessness in the S arc is less about how they're mean as individual people (which.....fair they kinda are but that's besides this point) but rather a conflicting ideology between the inner senshi who value all life and each individual person, vs Uranus/Neptune who're about the greater good. S is about 'would you sacrifice one life to save the world' where the inner senshi is a resounding 'no absolutely not' and Uranus/Neptune is 'yes. without question'
This.....probably runs into some problems in an anime where the answer is The Power of Love and the third solution of 'love' exists, it makes them come off as antagonistic for no reason when Sailor Moon's whole thing 'I can solve this with love and understanding, always + I can reset the world' buuuuut UraNep aren't completely wrong in the end of S if Sailor Moon's powers aren't a given — the result of sparing Hotaru is shown and said result is the whole city died, and they only undied bc of Sailor Moon's reset
Anyway huge misconception to say that UraNep only cares about each other — though given how they're only nice to each other and mean to the inner senshi it's a fair assumption, but no they're just on the extreme side of The Greater Good, The Mission. Yes they're willing to kill innocent people to get the talismans, but those 'innocent people' included themselves given that Uranus' response to seeing Neptune holding a talisman is to shoot herself too (was there an element of 'don't leave me alone in this world' involved? Yeah. But she also had a whole speech about how it turned out they in fact held the talisman + the prior episodes 'The Mission' talk so). In fact, in their eyes they're not 'innocent' at all, that very episode contains the famous hands scene where Haruka worries her hands are solied by the mission, she doesn't like that she has to kill innocents even if it is for The World. And the two also already had an ideological discussion in the backstory episode of Haruka going 'so you don't care how many innocent people die in the process of defeating the enemy?' Michiru 'That's right. I don't' then admitting actually it haunts her deeply and the fact that Haruka is now gonna be a casualty hurts even more but she has to put it aside for the greater good of saving the rest of the world. Her dreams of becoming a violinist or wishes of Haruka not following her path don't matter when the fate of the world is on the line. UraNep will sacrifice themselves/those closest to them for the greater good of the world, not the other way around
(And yeah yeah there's that scene where some posessed guy claims that a certain container contains the soul of evil and smashing it will doom the world and when he questions why Michiru did it to save Haruka she responds with 'Don't you know? A world without Haruka isn't worth living in' but that's a joke! A bluff! She knew the guy was lying about the evil in the jar bc she tells Haruka right after not to be fooled and what the actual source of the posession is.)
#every so often I go on a brief s a ilor moo n intermission just to talk about The Lesbians#guess i should disclaimer this with the fact I never actually watched the first second or fourth seasons of sail or moon and only#kinda know what happened via fandom osmosis but. what I did watch instead is rev girl utena#heck sailor moon season 3 is quite totally different to sailor moon season 5 even#but yeah sailor mo on S def fits the ikuhara tone of considering people and society and ideologies. no wonder he made his own shows instead#also the fact he kept trying to kill tuxedo mask. S is my favourite season for its ideas but I think only bc of how un-sai lor moon it is#in that it goes 'magical girls saving the world via love? are we sure that's always enough? what if that fails?'#and hence he created rgu which is 'the disillusionment of believing love is enough without understanding the surrounding society: the show'#actually disclaimer that I don't remember too much of sailor moon stars either. But I do remember the mirror enemies arc and the general en#and both of them were very much working together + power of love and reaching out and understanding#especially evident with the fact that UraNep stopped being antagonistic and instead were presented as encouragement to the inners#alternatively I am very obsessed with The Lesbians specifically. Them and Them Only#(though it will never not be funny to me that Pluto stole a baby + the fact hotaru was taken from her dad is never remarked on again)#(how would you bring that up anyway 'so your child I stole? she magically aged to 12 within a week don't worry about it she's ours now')#sm talk
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satoriberry · 5 months ago
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tha terf paradox of promoting acceptance of oneself's biological nature and not changing it for societal ideologies but then turning around and criticizing any person that has a different perception of their biological nature that doesn't immediately enter the "male or female" binary hmmm,,,,
#berry.rambles <3#does this make sense#like#ok cool. lets remind women that just because they're gnc doesnt mean that they have to transition (which isnt a malevolent idea at all imo)#but then the second a gnc woman (that's consciously aware that society sees her as a woman) decides to go by she/they or anything else#she's suddenly the woke version of not like other girls???#HUH#what does that even mean#do you people realize that some women just dont really care about the language used when they're talked about#like its not a “distancing myself” from femalehood (??) thing its literally coming to terms with the fact that language is not rigid#i go by any pronouns because i literally dont care#im a girl i know that#but im not gonna flip out if you call me he or they or she or it#like i have bigger problems didya think about that for a second!!!#this idea that any kind of personal uniqueness/individualism is ALWAYS patriarchy-related is so???? yes the patriarchy doesnt care but#why shouldnt we care about what the women feel too???#its so insane how they'll talk about eliminating the patriarchy/distancing themselves from it to weaken it#but then the second a woman talks about her unique experiences as a female and how it differs from other women's#they jump into her comments/reblogs talking about “yeah sure whatever but remember you'll always be seen as nothing but a female”#“men don't care about that so you might as well not even view yourself as unique or different from other women”#“patriarchy doesn't care about (insert gnc/trans thing) cause you're still female”#literally using the patriarchy as an excuse to lump all women into a monolith#i dont wanna be with other women#some of you are dumb!!!#traditionalists. conservatives. zionists. religious women. liberal women. libertarians. nationalists. some of you are vile im not gonna lie#some women reject class consciousness as women#thats on them#some women think that their societal condition is natural. thats on them unless they change.#you'll never get everybody on your team#which is why instead of yapping about this nonbinary person or that he/him lesbian
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br1ghtestlight · 10 months ago
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i love to make up horrible toxic fanon ships for my own ocs. its so funny 2 me and also interesting..... like every combination of characters that could conceivably happen i have thought about. some of them would 100% without a doubt make each other WORSE. some of them i genuinely think couldve worked if i had come up with them earlier and invested the time into their romantic relationship. some of them are actual jokes between my characters in "canon" bcuz specifically i think the idea of jayden thinking two is hot is funny Tbh. like he doesn't want u bro!!!!!! he barely even wants sunshine!!!!!
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skrunksthatwunk · 9 months ago
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stole this chart from @asubakaa and spent wayyy too much time making my own so. yeah. also i did 6 instead of 5 bc i know no restraint
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#aughh i just spent ages typing out an honorable mention list and then i was like i don't like this actually so i deleted it#whatever you're not getting an explanation. unless you ask then i mean sure i don't mind#i find it funny that the straight ship canonicity ratio is lower than the lesbian one. there's just smth about het stuff when it's not cano#each tier had its own challenges with brainstorming which was fun#i don't have a lotta straight ships i think about in a frothing seething howlilng way. fakiru and tamaharu are really the biggest ones atm#gay ships are the most common for me bc i consume a lotta guy-dominated media and things get homoerotic pretty fast#but that also meant there was a lot to sift through and i always felt like i was forgetting something#like i almost forgot killugon. KILLUGON. the same killugon that i was painfully obsessed with for multiple years yes that one#formative to my life in middle school and everything. my little gay guys forever. theyre very sweet how could i forget them#and with sapphic stuff it was various issues in depiction. like 'no one ships these two from this obscureish movie but me' and 'they're boo#characters so how do i depict this visually' and 'no one knows these two the fandom's bone dry :('#there's a lotta ships i like but it was sometimes hard to find ones i LOVEd enough to put alongside the others yknow. a problem with all 3#categories. anyway a fun thing for my brain to do hooray#the most violently snubbed honorable mentions are probably griffith and guts bergerk. i wouldn't say i ship them exactly but they were in#love and should not be together in the present. as far as i've read. complicated but they're in my brain real good real deep in there#and hua cheng and xie lian tgcf. probably shoulda been there over the lawyers now that i'm thinking about it just in terms of sheer brainro#bc they took over my life about as hard as the other mxtx guys did. but yeah anyway#also i realized after this that i forgot horikashi.. which would probably take seowaka's place </3
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obeymeow · 2 years ago
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being neurodivergent is all fun and games until you remember those hourly quote bots on twitter and think well maybe I can't make a bot anymore but I could schedule a few quotes a day, that shouldn't be hard. it sounds fun to have a bunch of quotes of my favorite character Thirteen from hit mobile game Obey Me! and its sequel Obey Me! Nightbringer. and then you think about how arduous collecting the quotes is going to be but she's only been in the games for maybe a year and a half with little screentime and you love collecting things so you start but then you remember that you love collecting things so naturally you have ALL of her screentime in the game and suddenly you have 45k characters of quotes and are several lessons into season 4 (which is truly a trial in and of itself) but not nearly close enough to the end but you refuse to just stop collecting the quotes and make the account with the EXCESS of what you have already because you literally only have season 4 to get through and if you don't do it just seeing the bot (because now you've been informed you can make tumblr bots instead) will haunt you with that knowledge even if nobody else would ever know. this is a general anecdote of a situation that could easily happen to anyone though and not in any way related to my life
#obey me on side#ummm i don't have a personal tag yet because i hated looking at this blog before the revamp so i'll do that later#with the carrd. usually when i say i'll do something later it means sometime in the next 3 years but i actually mean this one#but rn there's no way to tell i'm a lesbian (except for the thirteen icon. + probably also the ruri-chan banner she's lesbian colors)#okay maybe you can tell but I want to be CLEAR#anyway i would also like to note that immediately before starting this project i spent a full week lamenting my lack of free time#because I wanted to write some fics. and then literally as soon as i got free time I went um. no. quote doc instead I think#????? girl why did you do that to yourself#fortunately i'm now bored of reading s4 so i can go back to writing#unrelated but all of these fics contain a significant amount of solomon and i like him that's not surprising but it was unintentional#which IS surprising. like okay one of them is about solodeus (specifically mc playing matchmaker so i don't clickbait) so that's obligatory#and another is based off of the new solomon card (IT'S CUTE) so that's also kind of obligatory#(the third one is based off of luke's card from the dnd nightmare a while back because i was entranced by its strange unbalanced party)#but usually i try to switch up the characters i write about to get comfy with all of them and not just the ones that make sense to me#that's not entirely accurate it's my one braincell bouncing around like a windows screensaver picking a new fave every time it hits a side#but also to get used to writing them all. anyway#i'll just write about satan to balance it he's always been a fav but i am obsessed with him in nightbringer he is so offputting and tragic#if you're still reading these tags please see above on th 'later is up to three years' in regards to the fics still haven't posted anything#hoping to change that soon though I WILL eventually.
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iteh3xael · 4 months ago
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@dukeofankh Hey! Queer “man” here (I’m NB but still largely pass and I like dick so… yeah?)
I have literally been the “intersectional YT man” at a private yet not PWI ~business~ (American education system is corrupt at FUCK) and discovered that, at the root of it, it’s about comfortability through palatable identity politics and
If your vision for the deradicalization of right-wing men begins and ends with "other men telling them that that's gross and to stop it" then I'm sorry, you do not understand how masculinity works.
"Men who hold patriarchal status" and "men who are feminists" are two groups who overlap less than you want them to. I'm sorry. That's not solely because men are so happy with patriarchal status that they don't want to risk it by policing misogyny/queerphobia/racism, It's because being misogynistic, queerphobic, and racist, end expressing other forms of toxic masculinity(and often abusively so) are part of how people establish and maintain patriarchal status. The men who have the ability to stop this via nothing but peer pressure are the very people who are doing it. That's by design. And engaging in feminist intervention is, in and of itself, usually the abrupt end of that status and its associated power to persuade misogynistic men.
Like, I have worked in blue collar jobs as a notably queer person. It was pretty much a constant deluge of verbal abuse. In my experience, most blue collar work environments are exploitative, abusive, and bigoted, and very gleefully so. On the occasions I have spoken up about someone saying something that was super fucking out of line (asking me which of the girls walking by was hottest. We were installing a portable classroom at a middle school), believe it or not, they completely failed to be shamed! Because nobody else on the crew gave a fuck. *I* was the weird one. They ghosted me. A full blown company ghosted me. I suddenly didn't have a job anymore because they just straightforwardly stopped telling me where the next job site was.
Like, this doesn't mean that it's your job to do it, but this vision you have of these big groups of men where everyone is on the fence and there is precisely one shit stirrer who can be shut down by a brave feminist man who can single handedly set the example for all these other guys...you are high. You are describing an "everybody clapped" level absurd scenario. Most of these truly virulent misogynistic guys either have zero friends, because, you know, our society is atomized to fuck, or they are in a group where the feminist guy is actually the weirdo who can be shut down and ostracized much, much easier than the misogynists, because there is no such thing as a man misogynists respect who stands up for women.
You might be saying "well, we're talking about longstanding personal relationships, actually. Like, they need to have to want to spend time with you and then, as a side effect, you can mind control them out of being a threat to us."
Problem with that being:
1: Many feminist men also have no friends, see the atomized society above.
2: Feminist men already stopped hanging out with men who make rape jokes because why the fuck would we want to spend time with them.
3: That isn't just because we respect women so hard. We are in many cases talking about men who are also deeply queerphobic, heirarchical, violent and abusive to other men. What initially drew me to feminism and women was a lack of heirarchical squabbling and constant bullying, and the ability to be openly queer. A lot of men who came to feminism did so because they knew that the patriarchy was not a place they would find success or acceptance. These are not the men who are gonna be able to change right wing minds.
4. Men do not view themselves as a monolith. There is no universal brotherhood of men. The actual meaning of the term "Fragile masculinity" is that men are constantly expected to prove that they are deserving of the status of being a member of their own gender. There are large swathes of men--including most of the men who you'd look to as examples of good, feminist men who you want to undertake this project--who are considered failed men, sissies, f****ts, soyboys, ect. They are. Not. Going. To. Convince. These. Men. Of. Jack. Shit. Much less successfully *shame* them. Jesus.
I know all of this sucks. I know it would be cool to be able to just point at a group and have them be responsible for the work. But nah. It's gonna have to be a societal project, one that will probably outlast all of us. Sorry. The thing you want these men to do is, absolutely, the morally correct thing to do. But presuming that it would be effective is, and once again I am so sorry about this, just ignorance of how these social groups function.
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mymelodyisme · 11 months ago
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Okay I know I don’t shut up about it but let me scream okay 😭
#I just saw a post on Twitter about the feeling of not having teenage romantic interaction and how it leaves you feeling really wrong#and everyone in the comments is like 17-19 and here I am at 25 thinking about how#well anyways I’m sorry I know it’s silly I’m just a little tired is all#being lonely stinks 🫠 and I don’t ever want y’all to feel burdened by my feelings#so I try not to make those feelings seem so big#I should start tagging these again#my talk posts ? I used to tag them but I would forget#I guess I’ll do that from now on#melifails#oh oh since I already made this post I might as well blab#I 😭 am high key tempted to download tinder#I don’t *want* to actually use it I just wanted to see 👉🏽👈🏽#but I think you need an account and idk I don’t wanna seem desperate#not in a shaming other people and myself type of way#absolutely not I think it’s awesome that it exists#I mean in a ‘my mom used to brag about how I didn’t care about boys only school to all the family members at parties’ type of way#in a ‘Melissa be honest are you a lesbian?’ badgered type of way#in a ‘because if you are I love you’ ‘no boys just don’t like me’ type of way#in a ‘never admitting to my mom I’m very lonely and only alive for my family’ type#of way#that one didn’t let me finish 🗣️#anywyas I feel very shallow because this doesn’t really matter does it#there are real problems in the world and I’m but a spec of dust waiting to be scooped up by the broom#🧎🏽‍♀️ I’m sorry I’m making it seem like a bigger deal than it really is#I’ll be better about it#all that aside#my best friend invited me to go to universal in September and I 😤😤 I gotta prepare myself for the burden of prolonged outdoor activities#🥺 tbh I’m scared I’m not going to fit in the seats for the rides#that’s how we became friends: she stuck with me when I didn’t fit on a ride. I never told her that was the day I loved her and it still make#me cry. forever grateful for her and I want her to be happy she’s the Eli I’m always talking about :3 anyways this is my last tag (30limit)
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