#i thought of this partly because when talking about lesbianism with a friend once he said i was a femme lesbian

[smile-files]

i have no desired answer for this!!!!! don't feel pressured to pick an answer based on what my gender actually is :)

responses will inevitably depend on what way you've interacted with me: have you been a long-time follower of mine, or are you new? or did you find this poll by chance, and don't even follow me? are we mutuals or online friends? do you frequently engage with my chatty text posts? have you heard my voice, talking or singing? do you know what i look like and how i dress? do you know which characters i kin? etc.

like all people i'm interested in how i come off to people, so if anything this is just a way for me to get a sense of that lol :P

[bruhstation]

Hi i love your casa tidmouth!!! I saw the ask about james pairing and wondered if there any pairing for diesel, oliver or lady? Also happy holidays!!!

thank you very much!!! ALSO HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR AHHHHHH I'M SO SO SORRY FOR ANSWERING THIS LATE.... I WANTED TO ANSWER THIS ASK AS DETAILED AS POSSIBLE SO 🙏🙏🙏

I also apologize if some parts don't really sound very shippy because I thought it'd be a good chance to showcase some bits of lore character relationships in general... ANYWAYS!!!! HAVE FUN READING

diesel:

you could say that diesel's currently not interested in anyone, at least in a romantic sense. diesel used to have a small crush on mavis but no longer did after she told him she's a lesbian. now they're just... besties? frenemies? diesel and mavis gets into trouble together, except diesel's the one who incites it (arry and bert just follows) and mavis just happens to be there. diesel gets himself into trouble because of his schemes while mavis (begrudgingly) gets him out of it, though she usually also gets the short end of the stick alongside diesel. mavis also thought that diesel is constantly up to no good, though this is mostly because mavis just wants to live a simple life with as little problems as possible (literally impossible because she lives in so-freaking-dor)

however in act 2, mavis started to feel suspicious about diesel with how he always disappears somewhere at nights. even though they're both affiliated with the dieselworks (since they both drive diesel engines), she suspected that diesel might've been getting himself involved with d10 lately and is now genuinely siding with someone threatening instead of just being mildly inconveniencing. she's now conflicted between wanting to confront diesel in order to protect the person she cares about, or avert her eyes and live in blissful ignorance.

not shippy, but worth mentioning: diesel and duck started off as great enemies at the start of the story. before the events of casa tidmouth, after thinking duck wanted to leave him for dead (he was still new to sodor and has no idea people rarely die in sodor's railways), diesel spread horrific rumours about duck's family, which triggered the start of his axe-crazy tendencies (he's incredibly desperate to make his family proud. you know the drill). neither of them expressed guilt -- they do feel it -- for their actions towards one another because of how stubborn they are. they also have really different worldviews; diesel wanted progress, while duck wanted to stick with the old ways.

their backgrounds were really similar, too. both of their families were incredibly traditional, but while duck followed them like a dog, diesel rejected them. they could've respected each other or even become friends, if only their stubborness didn't blind them. perhaps things could change in act 2...?

speaking of act 2, diesel teamed up with d10 and got pretty close to him, partly because he realized d10's power is now heavily relying on the competence of his minions (and they're really not) and partly because they both share the same worldviews about progress. he's basically his right hand man, doing all the convincing and talking while d10 is having this big internal crisis going on. you could say it's also his curiosity taking place, since he wonders what the "most menacing man in all of sodor" will do once he hits rock bottom. diesel also convinced percy to join the workers of dieselworks when he was at his lowest, saying "I know a man who would respect your ambitions."

in addition, diesel is still coming into terms with his identity because of his huge catholic guilt. this fucking guy

‎

oliver:

even though he's usually no-nonsense and avoids conflict and island mysteries at any cost, oliver has a huge soft spot for douglas. they first met around 5 years ago when oliver was lost in a forest in bumfuck nowhere, being the victim of time and space displacement alongside a young man called toad -- who barely said a word -- and having lost a lot of his memories. he lived inside his rusty engine with toad for years in solitude. after a few years had passed, he met douglas, who ended up there as well (he assumed that he's the same as him) and bonded with him over the days he was stuck there.

with douglas' presence, oliver felt much less alone. and vice versa. toad also got along with douglas, which made oliver felt relieved. oliver initially didn't have much motivation to get himself out of the situation (toad didn't express much either and only wanted to stick with oliver) and nearly gave up, but after meeting douglas and listening to his stories about missing his brother and wanting to go back home, oliver regained his motivation to keep on trying. he also set his thoughts of finding whoever's responsible aside for the sake of douglas and toad.

after the three of them were rescued by duck and donald and nursed back to health, oliver intended to take his leave, still a bit bent on finding whoever's responsible for his lost memories and broken engine. but then sir topham hatt suggested that he could work for the northwestern railways ("who knows? it could help you find what you're looking for, mr. swindon.")

the next day, douglas expressed gratitude to oliver for saving his life and accompanying him throughout the days he was lost in a forest. oliver instead shot back with a smile, "actually, douglas, you're the one who saved me. even though I still remember nothing about my past, I now remember what I was fighting for. myself, and my engine."

fun fact: you know oliver jr., oliver's tamagotchi? douglas was the one who gifted it to him. since the first generation of tamagotchis die easily if not given care 24/7, douglas went all the way to the steamworks and convinced victor (doctor, engineer, guy with at least 3 phds) to modify it and make it practically immortal. oliver received this gift extremely happily, though he sometimes wonders if something is different with his tamagotchi (douglas just said that he probably got the most special ultra rare yadda yadda version).

oliver and douglas are also one of the more "normal" pair in all of casa tidmouth (2x3x4 have communication issues thus can only pine over each other, 8x9 are... uh... murderhusbands, mavis is oblivious to lady's true identity, lady and d10 have similar twisted views on humanity, etc).

‎

lady:

even though nobody (aside from thomas and percy) knows about lady being the island's goddess, almost every single woman in casa tidmouth likes her. mavis, emily, rosie, belle, daisy, etc... they all collectively thought "haha wow weird silly woman is pretty". she's way too oblivious and thought that it's just some quirk humans have, though. HOWEVER, she's really close with mavis, who showed lady around the quarry when she first arrived in sodor. mavis also wanted to "shield" lady from all the general weirdness around sodor, assuming that she's originally from outside the island. on the other hand, lady's optimism started to make mavis relax more from her coworker diesel's antics. also mavis thinks she's kinda hahah hey girl

in act 2, after news of missing railway workers came out, mavis tried to convince lady to leave the island. she felt like lady knows a lot more than she looks, but she's not taking any risks to have the person she holds dear get involved. lady just felt really guilty, but (after going through character progression and developing more "human" emotions like happiness, guilt, melancholy, "selfish" motivations, yadda yadda) she has a feeling that if she revealed her true identity, it's not going to end smoothly.

I've also mentioned something about lady and d10 being really close in a qpp type of way had their circumstances been different. they're both people who find it really hard to connect to others; the former being a goddess with different perceptions on morality and the latter being a guy who has low empathy and a whole lot of personality disorders. here's the post explaining their relationship

[miraculouscontent]

(non-Miraculous asks)

Anonymous said:

Ok this may just be me but I hate deconstructions. I feel like they are always mean spirited and try to be dark and edgy and thinks that every single person is an asshole because that’s “realistic” when no it’s not. This maybe because I like superhero stories and love it when the heroes overcome their struggles.

I can agree for the most part. Whenever I hear “okay but what if it was dArK--” I’m just okay, gonna stop you right there.

Anonymous said:

I swear, nothing bothers me more than people who want Miraculous Ladybug to literally just be Yandere Simulator(with Marinette as Ayano, Alya as Info-chan, Adrien as Taro, Chloe as Osana, Lila as Kizana, Kagami as Megami, and Luka as Budo). It just grinds my gears, especially because they're, once again, framing Marinette as a stalker, which just makes her look bad, AND pits all the girls against each other for Mr. Generic Harem Protagonist, once a-fucking-gain. Just go play the actual game, ok?

All I'm hearing is that now I have to ship Ayano and Budo and write a fic where the ghost girl uses fancy fantasy magic to merge her soul with Ayano and lets her actually have emotions, healing her from being a yandere while the ghost girl (in a way) gets to live a life she was cut short of, also allowing Ayano to be happy and go onto be friends with all the rivals.

Extremely convoluted but that’s the only way we get happy endings in this house.

Anonymous said:

I remember how, when writing Sailor Moon, Naoko Takeuchi refused to bow to older male writers wanted, say, for the girls to be stereotypical manga characters, with one being overweight, one being a stereotypical nerd, etc. But Naoko wanted each of the girls to be beautiful and feminine. While I don't like that they all share a body type, I admire how she didn't listen to grown men when writing for and about young girls. And I can't help but think about how Madoka is the antithesis of all that.

I can appreciate writers who put their foot down to stick to their values. There are limits of course, but yeah, a women writing women probably shouldn’t be listening to a man’s input. I’m sure good advice exists buuut...

Anonymous said:

What is your ranking of the seasons of the year from most to least favorite and why?

Summer - I work best in the warmth

Spring - Always brings images of flowers blooming to mind

Autumn - Things are getting cold and I don’t like it

Winter - It can go choke for all I care

Anonymous asked:

Someone on TV Tropes actually said that the name Feminist Fantasy should be changed because "feminism excludes men the same way meninism excludes women" and actually had the nerve to link that to the "Not So Different" trope, as if women haven't been excluded throughout the history of almost every human society. Fortunately, someone responded to them in a way that technically amounted to "do your damn research" but I'm still facepalming so hard at TV Tropes' "what about the men" rhetoric.

I feel like I lost braincells reading this.

Anonymous asked:

I feel like in fiction written by men there are only three flaws that female protagonists are allowed to have: clumsy, boy-crazy, or ashamed of their flat chests. I hate it.

Don’t forget, “having to listen to the men for how they’re supposed to feel.”

Anonymous asked:

Jatp. Nominated. For. Seven. Emmys. SEVEN!!!! Miraculous could NEVER. Literally.

omg!! Congrats to Julie and the Phantoms!

Anonymous asked:

WHAT ARE YOUR FLASHBACKS TO EVER AFTER HIGH?? I GOTTA KNOW? OMG?

Oh, I’ve seen basically the whole series, though the one I remember most is definitely Epic Winter. It was my favorite one though Beauty and the Beast is my favorite Disney movie so I’m biased.

I also like a lot of the “twists” and just--crazy concepts they rolled with, like with Red Riding Hood’s story and how Apple White gets woken up from her slumber.

Anonymous asked:

You're gonna be happy to hear this...I just started watching Cardcaptor Sakura today, and holy shit not only do I love it, but I also love how freaking META it is! I know you said you're not all that knowledgeable about Magical Girl, but this show is AWARE that it's a Magical Girl show! From Tomoyo(the main reason this show is so meta, tbh) realizing Sakura is a Magical Girl and asking if she has a transformation pose, to designing outfits for her(more on that later) to videotaping her(aka literally making a Magical Girl anime out of her Magical Girl friend), it just has fun with itself and plays with Magical Girl tropes without making a mockery of them like all those "dark" male-aimed ones do(lookin' at you, Madoka Magica and Yuki Yuna!).

And not only is it hilarious and adorable(especially with Sakura's crush on Yukito, Tomoyo's crush on Sakura, and Touya picking on Sakura, but playfully), but I love how it's riddled with girl power. While watching some of the first episodes I was looking forward to seeing Syaoran(partly because I love male Tsunderes and partly because I can't pronounce his name), and was surprised that he wasn't in the first few episodes, but more importantly I was so happy to see a show that treats its female characters with respect and shows women unironically receiving support from other women and being shown possessing power and authority.

I love Sakura and Tomoyo's friendship even if I hate the trope of "Lesbian Never Gets The Girl"(not that I think she's entitled to Sakura's affections or anything, but still.) and watching her support Sakura in her magic endeavors without being jealous or vindictive, I love that they're allowed to be independent and smart but that the show doesn't forget that they're kids, instead of making them like Manon and Chris, and I love that the show passes the Bechdel test in pretty much the first or second episode, and that pretty much every important and unimportant character we meet that's not Sakura's family members, Kero, or Yukito(plus maaaayyybe the Shadow Clow Card) are female.

Even little things, like all FOUR of Tomoyo's bodyguards in the second episode being female without there being a "reason" or the show making a big deal of it(either in a "yay girl power!" way or a "what but women can't x" way or an objectifying way) fills me with insurmountable joy. Also, I love that the show follows the Magical Girl trend of pretty much admitting that femininity is power, since frilly dresses are stated to be the most "fitting" thing for a Cardcaptor to wear, as without it, they might not be mentally up to the task, and this is an unironic truth rather than a joke(although Sakura is shown to be embarrassed, but it's much more likely that she's simply not used to that kind of gear due to not being rich as Tomoyo is.) or a gag.

I just thought I should tell you this because I know you like Cardcaptor Sakura, and with the crappy episodes that just came out of this show, I think you deserve to read an ask that's about a GENUINE girl power Magical Girl show, instead of yet more Miraculous Ladybug salt or Madoka Magica hate(not that there's anything wrong with either of those two, but it just gets grating after a while.). Overall, I'm looking forward to watching this show, since I've been looking for a Magical Girl show to watch nowadays(I've been meaning to watch Star Twinkle Precure but I can't find the third episode and all of Cardcaptor Sakura is on YouTube now, so.). So excited!

Hey, I’m glad that you’re having fun with it!

Though, just a warning, you might wanna steer clear of the Clear Card arc. It’s a sequel to the original series made waaaay after the original (think the equivalent of Yashahime for Inuyasha, though continuing with the original characters) but omg I hated it.

Anonymous asked:

With the crappy Season 4 episodes that just came out I'm glad I got into Cardcaptor Sakura when I did. Who needs "Marinette needs to make a mistake every episode and learn something from it" when you can have genuine girl power and sweetness incarnate?

Alya could never compete with Tomoyo, I’m just sayin’.

Anonymous asked:

Your comment about white men feeling "disenfranchised" because more shows are about black people and/or women(I say and/or because the two aren't mutually exclusive.), as if there aren't a million other things they could be watching instead is so true! It reminds me of how I was talking to someone recently about the new generation of MLP, in which I stated that we didn't need a male mane pony(spoiler alert: they have one, sadly.), and he claimed that it would be beneficial since many shows aimed at boys at least try to include at least one main girl, and that it would be good for G5 of MLP to have at least one strong male lead so that boys could have a role model and know that the show isn't "girly".

Okay, so far, so good, but this I could chalk up to just unconscious internalized misogyny, especially since he didn't say it in any sort of "way". So I respectfully told him that the scale regarding representation is already not equal and that boys can look up to girls and that a show being girly is not a bad thing and all that stuff that you already know about. Then he responded claiming some stuff about how he keeps trying to pitch stories about straight white male characters and how nobody is accepting his offers and so this means that straight white men are underrepresented compared to everyone else. He even explicitly said, and I quote "White people are actually critically underrepresented in media right now. Especially boys."; I swear to the Goddess above.

At this point I was officially upset as a black girl, to hear this white(and presumably adult) man telling me that he was underrepresented in media compared to me, even saying that the media execs are practicing "quotas and tokenization"(and yes, he repeatedly used those terms for any instance of representation, even when I asked him politely to stop.) by replacing women with men or white people with pocs and are making white men look like incompetent doofuses.

He also kept saying stuff about how shows are always shoehorning people of color in where they don't belong by casting them in settings such as Shakespeare and medieval times when "realistically" there were no people of color during those time periods(which is obviously not true, it's just not what the history books show us.), and made a really insensitive comment about how black children in the USA today don't know the significance of having the first black president because the media supposedly already shows them black people in various professions(despite also claiming he couldn't speak to the "black experience" and yet here he is whitesplaining that shit.).

It got to the point where he was seriously and unironically using the word "blackwashing". When I pointed out to him that white men aren't underrepresented and that it's just his self-centered ego telling him that they are, that the word "blackwashing" isn't a thing, and that mis/underrepresentation in media DOES affect black kids negatively(even citing myself as an example) he went on to claim that I was being tone-deaf and that "blackwashing" is just as bad as whitewashing, and that making Ariel black is just as bad as making Jasmine white.

At this point I had to bang my head on the table and explain to him the difference; his ass still wouldn't get it. Eventually he started saying some really skeevy and hypocritical shite that white men say all the time when whining about how "oppressed and underrepresented" they are: that black people and/or women

(it looks like there might be an ask missing here, in which case, sorry if Tubmlr ate it!)

avor of supporting the commonly believed LIE that "women and/or minority groups don't have as much history worth learning about, so there's no point in focusing on them." He also kept using patronizing, condescending, mansplaining language such as "let me explain it to you" or "you still don't get it do you?", and when he said women had nothing to contribute to society because "oppression" he even had the nerve to tack on "welcome to the unequal society" as if I hadn't been lecturing him about just that.

Because obviously only white men did anything worthwhile or important in history. At this point, I had to block him. I couldn't take it anymore and this was on an MLP site of all places(although I'm probably just as guilty of that part, but at least I wasn't an ass!). I just can't stand white men who "want to be oppressed so bad" but still want to claim that their achievements are more important and deserve to be more prominent. Honestly, so many white men are so fragile the second they're not in the spotlight. I can't help but think that despite all the privilege afforded to their class being a white man sounds like the worst thing ever.

“he claimed that it would be beneficial since many shows aimed at boys at least try to include at least one main girl, and that it would be good for G5 of MLP to have at least one strong male lead so that boys could have a role model and know that the show isn't "girly". “

I might be looking too deep into that but I don’t like the idea of, “Well WE squeezed in a girl and therefore YOUR SHOWS--” like it’s some sort of matter of “fairness” or that boys’ shows aren’t putting in girls out of a genuine like for them but because they “need” one or it’s some sort of obligation.

Also, we need to stop this idea that boys can’t look up to female characters and vice versa for girls. You already said it but yeah.

And yeah, I hear "quotas and tokenization" and I officially tune out of whatever the person is saying, lol. White men are critically underrepresented???? Newsflash, maybe it’s just because others are being represented more??

Just the whole thing about whites being “underrepresented” boggles my mind. White people don’t have some sort of special ability or skill that other races can’t do themselves unless you count the “superpower” of white privilege.

Like, oh my god, all that “whitesplaining” and having to read the word “blackwashing” was physically painful. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I don’t know how they got hold of the technology to communicate with you from whatever time period their from, presumably the Stone Age.

Don’t even blame you for blocking them. There’s just a level of absolute... blindness? Arrogance??? That comes with the territory with them sometimes, I swear. You had every right to be upset; other races come to ask for equality and fair representation and suddenly you have these white men (not all obviously but damn) coming by and crying that they’re being oPpReSsEd. U_U

Like, honestly, my father in particular is absolutely that kind of person so I’ve heard that kind of stuff before. it’s all gross.

On a slightly unrelated note (trying to end this with some positivity), I hadn’t even heard about a fifth generation of MLP until I read this, and just wanted to let you know that I really hope you have a really good time with it! Hopefully the male character isn’t... well, you know.

[aelwynrights]

if you’re still doing the reverse ask meme, thoughts on bad kids and how they feel about aelwyn post sophomore year?? also LOVE ur aelwyn meta always fun to read!!

i am always doing all ask memes emotionally also thank you i adore doing aelwyn meta

the bad kids..... rvs.... okay in order:

kristen applebees likes aelwyn because they are both lesbians sparkleheart and they both have shit parents so they bond over that. occasionally they will try to make dinner as a surprise for jawbone and sandra lynn together (the surprise is the smoke alarm going off and them having to order takeout because god neither of these girls can cook)

riz thinks aelwyn is still a little scary partly because she did almost kill him and mostly because once she dropped by his office to pick up adaine, took one glance at his latest conspiracy board, and said “huh, don’t you think you should look more into the trucks coming in from bastion city to find out if they’re a part of the issue?” and she was RIGHT and it fixed everything and cracked it wide open he’s never admitted it to her and is terrified one day she’ll find out (she already knows). they have study sessions where they sit in opposite corners of the room and do not speak to each other and get SO much done.

fig doesn’t super trust aelwyn still but aelwyn has such older sister energy that she can’t HELP going to her with her relationship “issues” (they’re literally never that serious) also she does like it when aelwyn teases the boys so she can stay (and also she and aelwyn have a weird overlap of fashion sense so there’s like three items that become shared closet items between the two of them). fig and aelwyn will run errands together because they both appreciate being Efficient and not Dawdling, Kristen,

fabian seacaster and aelwyn abernant are both gay and rich and rude and that’s it (brennan lee mulligan don’t get any ideas) they love to hang and insult people and laugh about when they were repressed together. literally the most dynamic duo. i do think fabian deserves to teach aelwyn how to swordfight.

gorgug has never spoken to aelwyn properly in his life and i doubt he ever will. they are civil and consider each other friends but just. what would they talk about what would they DO actually i do want to see them like. the only two free on a thursday evening and desperate for socialisation and they’re like we’re friends we can hang! and it doesn’t go badly it’s just not a night either of them expected to have.

adaine. hoo boy. that’s her older sister!! i can’t get into sister emotions right now i simply cannot but. that’s her older sister and they do fight about adaine getting up too early and making too much noise (aelwyn is the lightest sleeper in the world) but that’s her Older Sister!!

aelwyn and the hangman can hang. end of post.

[tintinwrites]

wholesome barbecue | Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia x Reader

A/N: This is my first time writing for Pope I hope it’s good! I don’t know if the gender is ever mentioned of Frankie’s baby but it’s a girl idc. Special thanks to @damerondjarin​ for encouraging me to write this by being a hoe for it and @bisexual-space-slut​ for helping me with the tiny amount of Spanish in this!

Rating: 18+

Warning: Oral sex (F receiving). Naughty words. This happens in Frankie’s bedroom I’m sorry, Frankie

Word count: 2,743, apparently!!

Summary: You and Pope are visiting Frankie’s family and you’re both a little frisky during a barbecue.

GIF credit: WHAT DO YOU KNOW IT’S THE BABE WHO WANTED THIS.

Tags: @huliabitch​ @yougottakeeponkeepinon​ @mandoplease​ @loki-is-a-lesbian @justabeautiful-letdown​ @the-bird-suit​ @arkofblake​ @neverlandlibrarian​ @thedevilwearsvibranium​ @jennibradley​

                                          --------------------------

“You actually showed up.”

“Yeah, well, there’s nothing else to do in this town.”

Frankie leveled Pope with a falsely serious stare, then grinned as they embraced with pats to the other’s back, though they kept a bit of space between them.

This was for the little baby resting with her back against her father’s chest as she nestled in the crook of his arm, gazing up at Pope when they pulled apart with wonder at this strange face she hadn’t seen much.

You laughed at her little furrowed brow then moved to wrap an arm around Frankie, pressing a kiss to his cheek which he’d learned to politely return once he realized you greeted him and said goodbye to him in the same way every time.

The first trip you’d ever taken with Pope was to visit his best friend and you’d gotten along swimmingly with both him and his wife, and you would wager you loved them almost as much as your boyfriend did.

You decided to go on a little vacation this summer and somehow you agreed that you’d have the most fun visiting Frankie to see the baby.

He said it was his wife’s idea to throw a barbecue for you, but he kind of looked in his element with the baby in one arm as he grabbed a beer that was sitting on the side of the grill with his free hand.

“There’s some in the cooler over there if you want.” Frankie nodded to a cooler full of ice, beer, and sodas, and Pope walked over to grab one.

“I can’t believe how big she’s gotten.” You booped the little baby on the nose and wrapped your arm around Pope when he returned sipping on a beer.

“Fuck if I don’t know that. You guys’ll have to have one to remind us of how small they are.”

“Hell no.”

Pope’s quick answer was followed by a sip of beer and a smirk directed at you to let you know he was open to whatever you wanted, his palm pressing flat against the small of your back.

When Frankie’s wife walked over and you greeted her with a kiss on the cheek, the four of you talked about whatever as your boyfriend’s hand slid down your back to push into the pocket of your shorts.

He’d made it very clear when you were getting ready that morning that he enjoyed the way your ass looked, pinching it as you walked out the door then leaning over to smack it when you’d stepped out of the car.

Santi, you would reprimand him with a little whine though you really didn’t mind it.

It wasn’t like you were a stranger to slapping him on that perky ass of his right back.

You had to admit that there was something about being on vacation with him that made you a little extra horny and his fingers were massaging your ass as they stayed in your pocket and you—

“Burger or hot dog? Or we’ve got veggie versions of both.” Frankie interrupted your thoughts as he put the baby in his wife’s arms and turned to open up the grill.

“My girl likes a good foot long.” Pope grunted at the elbow playfully poking into his ribs.

Grilled foods and sides were all served up and you sat with Frankie, his wife, and some of their friends, talking about jobs, and children, and gossip, and all those other things adults seemed to exclusively talk about.

You were not paying much mind to everything they were talking about, though, because a certain man sitting in a mismatched colored folding chair next to you knew that you were friskier on vacation and was running his hand up and down your thigh.

Innocent touches strayed a little bit higher, a little bit more to the inside of your thigh, and you immediately grabbed onto his hand when his fingers brushed below the zipper of your shorts.

He smiled, leaning in to nuzzle his nose into your hair and whisper into your ear, “I know they made a cake for dessert, but I’d much rather eat your pussy right now.”

“Fuck, Santi,” you hissed, squirming in your chair.

“Why don’t you say you’re going to the bathroom and wait in the hall for me, hm?” He kissed your cheek.

You nodded; sex in any kind of public setting was something the two of you had talked about or teased about to turn each other on, usually when you were in bed, and the thought of actually fucking in someone’s house in the middle of a barbecue was definitely something that intrigued you.

You were quickly mumbling an excuse to everyone that you’d be right back, going into the cool, air conditioned house and making your way to where you’d memorized the bathroom was.

He obviously didn’t follow you right away so as not to make people suspicious, and you moved around the hallway to look at a sweet picture on the wall of the baby when she was a newborn.

Arms wrapped around your waist slowly, lips pressing down the side of your neck. “We’re not having a fuckin’ baby.”

“I didn’t say that we were!”

“Don’t go to another guy for it though, okay? I can make one.”

You laughed, turning to him and kissing him.

The first kiss was deep and needy, followed by a few other chaste kisses as he guided you into a nearby room.

“Are we about to fuck in Frankie’s bedroom?”

“No, I’m about to eat you out in Frankie’s bedroom.”

You were truly a terrible person as you moaned into yet another kiss, then he pulled away and you could see that military training in his eyes. “Take off your clothes.”

He made sure you were listening to his direction before he went around the room to draw all the curtains, being sure no one would see a glimpse of you or what you were doing as well as darkening the room.

It took a moment for both of you to adjust to the dimness, but soon he could see the silhouette of your naked body and you saw him walking towards you, fully clothed.

He found your lips almost instantly now that he could make out your features into the dark, hands grasping at your hips to firmly but gently guide you down to sit on the very edge of the foot of the bed.

“Santi, baby, your knees,” you gasped when he moved his lips away to kneel between your legs, trying to pull him back up.

“I’m fine, honey, I might not be able to run like I used to, but I can still kneel.” He took your hands off his arms to set them on the bed on either side of you, then moved to hook your legs over his shoulders.

There was no comforter on the bed seeing as it was summer in a humid state, but you gripped tight to the sheets under you as he began pressing light, teasing kisses on your inner thigh.

Your lips parted when he kissed where your thigh met your pussy and...he moved over to kiss his way down your other thigh, much to your frustrated little whine. You were sure you felt him smiling against your skin as he kissed back up.

He put his head right between your legs and kissed feather light on your folds, close but not where you wanted him, and you grabbed onto his hair to try and guide him to your clit.

He swatted your thigh, not hard enough to hurt you at all but enough to tell you that you were not supposed to be pulling him where you wanted, that he was in control and he knew exactly what was going to get you off best.

You could just barely make out his eyes in the darkness to see him glaring up at you, huffing lightly through his nose in both frustration and amusement at your impatience.

But he said nothing, leaning in and flatting his tongue against you, dragging it purposefully from your entrance to your clit.

Your hips followed the movement of his tongue, lifting up off the bed with your calves braced on his shoulders as you gave a pleasured sound between a gasp and a moan. He wrapped his arms around your thighs to yank you back down onto the mattress, repeating the motion with his tongue and pinning your squirming thighs to the bed.

He lapped at you slowly as he worked up to your clit, sucking hard on the spot and grunting softly at the sharp tug of his curls.

You were fisting his hair so tightly, your eyes closed and your mouth hanging open in the ecstasy of his wet mouth sucking and licking at your clit, quickly approaching an orgasm with how relentless he was.

When you untangled your fingers from his hair and tried to lay back on the bed, he immediately stopped what he was doing and pulled away to grab onto your hands. He pulled you back up and met your lustful eyes with his own pleased yet stern ones in the dim room. “Stay.”

You might have whined, but you made yourself stay sitting, both hands gripping onto his hair now to help with that; he started to lap long, slow licks against your clit and wrapped his arms around your thighs again.

His grip was a little bit looser now which allowed you to use him as you sought out all the pleasure he was willing to provide, and you were practically on top of him at the sensation of his tongue moving down to push into your entrance.

It was so fucking sexy to him that you were practically humping his face and he let you lean off the bed a little to brace yourself on him, moaning at your taste and positioning to make his nose nudge into your clit with each little movement of your hips.

You liked it as much as he did, enjoying partly controlling the friction on your clit matched with his tongue licking into you like he was enjoying a fine meal.

You always came pretty damn fast when Pope ate you out; there was something about the wetness and how he knew exactly what he was doing. He knew what you liked for his tongue to do on your clit, knew how to tease you into being absolutely turned on and never too much so as to frustrate you.

The man knew how to perfectly prepare you into being almost ready to cum with barely even touching you, of course he’d bring you to that glorious edge with only a few flicks of his tongue.

He knew you inside and out, too, and there was this little noise you’d make that told him it was starting to feel really good and he was putting the right amount of friction on the right spots.

Normally he’d be praising you with phrases like that’s right, baby or go on, sweetheart, I know it feels good, come for me, but with his head between your legs, he hummed against you and moved a little bit faster for you.

His unrelenting tongue made the tingling that seemed to bounce all over your cunt and thighs grow, then what you could only describe as burst.

You pressed right up against his face and were still there for a moment as your cunt squeezed, then you let out a loud moan at your muscles releasing and clenching hard.

Pope licked you through it to extend your strong orgasm as long as he could, lapping up your cum until you were twitching and gently smacking him on the head to tell him it was too much, and he laughed softly and laid his head on your thigh.

Both of you were quiet for a long moment and he knew you were to your happy, satisfied state where you were all fuzzy after an orgasm as you started stroking his hair. “Let me repay that.”

“You don’t have to. If you wanna, let’s wait until we’re back at the hotel or they’ll realize both of us aren’t using the bathroom or something.” He kissed your thigh then pulled out from under your legs, walking over to open the curtains.

The light in the room showed off your gorgeous body perched on the edge of the bed, looking like you might have been made of jello with how good you came, and he let his gaze roam over you like it was his first time seeing you naked.

He always looked at you like it was his first time seeing you naked.

A wink as your gazes met, he moved to where you undressed and bent over to pick up your favorite lacy, black underwear of his.

“Oh, shit, that sure did mess up my knees,” he groaned dramatically.

“Mhm.” Sure, you knew he was sassing you and trying to rile you up, but you were staring at that nice ass of his.

“C’mere, we can’t let you go out there like this.”

“I thought public nudity was admired.”

One thing that you so loved about Pope was that he was a capable man who could be tough with people when it was needed, but he could also be quite tender.

This showed in him allowing you to take hold of his shoulders as he helped you step into the panties and shorts he’d ‘demanded’ you take off.

You pulled on your bra and top on your own, leaning in to kiss the taste of yourself that was on his lips. “I wanna get out of here and suck that beautiful cock of yours.”

You kissed each other passionately a couple more times before you started to make your way to the back door with his hand squeezing yours tightly at the mere thought of how much you wanted to suck him off.

Frankie was the first to notice you stepping out of the house, grabbing another beer out of the cooler and cracking it open.

He looked suspicious, but he took a sip of the beer.

“You two pee together?” He quirked an eyebrow.

“The couple that pees together stays together.” Pope grinned, slapping him on the arm.

“I think that’s the grossest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Ya think?”

Pope looked at you to see you were looking at him both impatiently and lustfully, and he quickly looked at Frankie. “We need to get going, man, but let’s do something tomorrow.”

“I think the ladies were texting about wine or something.” The two men shared a full hug now that the baby was being entertained by somebody else, and Frankie looked at Pope in confusion when he pulled back to pat him on the cheek.

“Probablemente deberías lavar tus sábanas.” This confused him even more, but he wasn’t able to ask what he meant as he walked with you to let Frankie’s wife know you were leaving.

When you were in the car and buckling in to leave, you looked at him. “Did you tell Frankie to wash his sheets?”

Pope’s laugh told you more than enough.

You let out a laugh of your own, reaching out to shove his shoulder.

“You are so bad!” Your little shove was joking and you were pretty horny, gently rubbing up and down his bare arm.

“We’re leaving a nice, wholesome barbecue so you can suck my dick.” He started the car and glanced each way down the street as he pulled away from the curb.

The drive was comfortably silent with the radio playing some rock song softly in the background, your fingers tickling over his skin, and then his phone pinged in his pocket. “Can you see what that is, baby?”

You reached into his pocket with your hand lingering perhaps a little too far to the side, but you did pull out his phone and looked to see who texted him.

When you snorted, he glanced over at you and stopped the car at a red light to see what it said.

What the fuck did you do?! read the text from Frankie.

Pope probably cried a little too hard from laughing considering he was going to have to really make up for making his girl cum on his best friend’s sheets.

[bbygrace]

some ‘essay’ on how ghosts portrays death and my predictions on how each ghost may have died

i did mention parts of this in a little rant i did a few weeks ago but i thought id put my thoughts and observations into a more cohesive form and seeing as in-depth english gcse level essays are becoming popular in the ghosts tag i thought i might as well join in

‘essay’ starts below the cut

i think that i might’ve mentioned before that ghosts does a very good job of making light of death, while also keeping the sadness and seriousness of it. the best example for this is probably pat’s death. pat’s entire concept as a basic form is comedic in itself: he is a scoutmaster who was accidentally shot dead by an 8 year old with an arrow. when we see his death play out in the show most peoples immediate reaction is to laugh. his death was humorous. the way he gets shot in the middle of talking about how dangerous archery can be, the way the kid who did it (keith) tried to cover it up by passing the bow to another scout, pat’s mumbling about getting one of the kids to drive him home as he fumbles to find his keys - these are all comedic elements of his death. it’s supposed to be funny. however, at the same time, his death is still sad, especially when you consider the fact that he died in front of a group of children. this is made even sadder when we see how much pat’s death affected keith even into his adulthood. while pat frantically searching for his keys with his massive keychains is funny, there was also the sad element to it which was the panic he was experiencing. he knew he was going to die, but he still had a little bit of hope that he could manage to get home and see carol one last time. there’s a perfect mix of both the light and dark of death. it’s funny because its a comedy show, but its also sad because its death, which is one of the major themes of the show. we know that pat’s death still negatively affected him. as far as we know, all the ghosts’ deaths affected them negatively (with the exception of some ghosts, specifically kitty, whose death hasn’t been explored in the slightest, so we dont know how it affected/affects her), some more than others. while pat was upset by his death and shows signs of trauma from it, he isn’t nearly as affected as mary, for example, perhaps because his death was relatively quick and/or because he just adapts and overcomes (most) things quickly. all the other ghosts’ deaths that we know of have been portrayed the same way as pat’s, with both the comedic and upsetting sides being shown. this reflects the way the ghosts themselves feel about death. they’ve all been dead for a long time, and having already experienced death, they’re no longer scared by it. they may be traumatised by it, but as it’s already happened and they’ve all experienced it, they can relate and unite over it. a few examples of when this is seen when they’re placing bets on whether a subject will stay or go and pat saying ‘i’m dead, you’ll be dead soon’. this suggests that they have a relatively light view of death as a whole concept, and the thing they’re sensitive to is their own particular deaths.

how the other ghosts’ deaths apply to this

thomas’ death was sad - the way he died alone, waiting for isabelle, the whole scandal with francis and the way he basically caused thomas to die and the fact that thomas went without knowing this for centuries. however, there were also comedic elements to his death, mostly centered around the circumstances surrounding the duel, like his awkwardness when challenging the officer to the duel, the way he (unknowingly) died partly because of mary shelley and the pigeon he shot and then proceeded to apologise to as he was dying. thomas’ death in itself - dying from being shot in a duel - isn’t exactly funny or ridiculous, but the circumstances surrounding it and the events leading up to it are. almost everything that led up to his death was humorous, mostly due to the way the other ghosts told it, his awkwardness and how different the reality of his death was to this false, dramatised version that he had made up to help him feel better about it, and to try and impress alison. the mood then gradually decreases until he actually dies and kitty says ‘he waited and waited, but she never came.’ we then end up at the lowest, saddest point of his demise - him dying alone, waiting for isabelle. it then rises again when we see thomas’ concerned reaction to becoming a ghost. the atmosphere flows from funny to serious very smoothly, and a lot of the time its a mixture of both.

as for fanny, the comedic aspect of her death was her catching her husband cheating and then being pushed out of the window with the rest of the ghosts watching it all go down. it’s a funny thing to picture. however, because it was a death, it was still sad. it still affected her negatively. she still kept george’s secret for all those years. she was murdered by her husband, someone who should’ve loved her and looked after her - she trusted him and he abused that trust. we see multiple times that she’s bitter over the fact that he cheated on her and she takes that out on other people, for example, she’s angry at the fact that the wedding is a lesbian wedding in s2e6. while this is partly due to her upbringing and the time she lived in, her views on homosexuality were also heavily affected by the fact she walked in on her husband cheating on her with two men. fanny’s acceptance that people should be allowed to love who they want after talking to humphrey is a huge development in her character and how she copes with her death. in the scenes during and following her conversation with humphrey, we see her death and the effects it had on her portrayed in the most serious way they had been so far. up until that point, her death was referenced almost purely comedically, with the sadder aspects being deeper within the writing. they become more apparent when really considering what that must have been like for her and when looking at how it affected her.

my predictions for the other ghosts’ deaths based on this

every example of a death we have seen so far has been ridiculous, funny or ironic in some way, whether that be the actual cause of death or the events leading up to it. because of this, i believe the rest of the ghosts’ deaths will have a comedic element to them.

starting with robin, i have no strong ideas on how he died. a lot of people seem to think that he was struck by lightning due to his powers. i think that this is a solid idea and i can see it working, but i think he also could have possibly died of a disease or by being crushed by something like a boulder or a mammoth or something. i don’t really know if his cause of death would be particularly funny, i think instead that his reaction and behaviour/events leading up to his demise will be the comedic aspect, with the sad part being that he was alone in death, with no one to talk to for thousands of years, as far as we know.

as for humphrey, once again i don’t think his actual cause of death would be the comedic part, unless it was botched by an inexperienced executioner maybe. i think he was probably executed for a humorous reason. he seems like he was probably a bit of a dick in life so i wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the case.

the same applies for mary - i think she was probably executed for a seemingly insignificant reason, because women could be accused of witchcraft for doing pretty much anything at the time. however, she is still deeply traumatised by her death and is only starting to come to terms with it, so i doubt her death would be particularly funny. her death in itself (being burnt at the stake) almost definitely won’t be the comedic part.

i’m almost certain kitty’s death was her sister’s fault. we know how poorly she treated her and we know that her death was caused by someone else. i think the sadder perspective of kitty’s death will be her naivety and trust that she had and still has for her sister, despite the awful mistreatment she received from her. she didn’t know she was being mistreated by her - she just thought that was the way all friends/sisters were and as long as she was making other people happy then she was happy too. i think she was most likely poisoned (which would explain the vomit thing that happens in s2e6) or she died from exposure to the elements due to being left outside, probably while playing a game. as we know next to nothing about how she died or how she feels about her death, i don’t know what could be funny about it, so i’m going to assume that it could also be related to her naivety and innocence, but in a different way. it may seem dark, but she probably died smiling, without really knowing what was going on. her reaction to her death and her attitude and behaviour leading up to it will most likely be comedic, unless she was murdered in an ironic or obscure way.

every time i try to even begin to figure out how the captain died i feel like clawing my brains out. i literally have no idea how he possibly could’ve died. perhaps his cause of death was unusual or interesting and that’s why its so hard to figure out - maybe it’s just incredibly obscure. i can see both the circumstances surrounding his death and the cause of his death having the possibility of being comedic. maybe his death was embarrassing and that’s why he hasn’t talked about it, because he’s ashamed and wants to pretend it didn’t happen. we know he does this already with his sexuality: he doesn’t want to think about it or acknowledge it so he pretends it doesn’t exist, because if it doesn’t exist then he doesn’t have to worry about it, and he could be doing the same thing in regards to his demise. tom kingsley, the director, said on twitter that his ribbons are upside down for a reason. i don’t know if this is related to his death or not, but my guesses are that it probably is as if they were applied long before his death he probably would’ve fixed them. my thoughts are that they were probably put on him either by himself as he was dying and they were put upside down by mistake and he didn’t have enough time to fix them/he wasn’t in a good enough state to put them on properly, or that they were put on his uniform by someone else. i think his death definitely will have a lot of sad tones to it, but i don’t think it’ll be entirely negative, especially considering how he acts under stress.

i don’t think i even have to talk about what the comedic aspect of julian’s death would be. this also makes it a little harder to figure out what the sad aspect of it was, apart from the fact he died. maybe it could be the way he was viewed by the public and the way he died before he could do anything to improve his image, but, judging by how he acts in death, he probably wouldn’t have even thought of trying to change for the better in his lifetime, but i could be wrong. the negative side of his death will probably be related to his public image and how he was the ideal ‘disgraced MP’ stereotype and that’s pretty much all he was known for. as for how he died, asphyxiation, heart attack or something drug-related seem to be the most plausible ideas.

i’m not really sure how this theory applies to the plague ghosts, i guess they’re some sort of exception. their deaths weren’t particularly comedic or sad. i can’t really see any way for their deaths to be written the same way the others are, as the way they died was very common and hard to make particularly funny or sad, especially both simultaneously.

conclusion

basically, i think death is portrayed and written very effectively in ghosts. the show lets you know that you’re allowed to laugh, it’s supposed to be funny. it’s a comedy show, after all, and these are fictional characters. at the same time, you’re being told you’re allowed to cry. the show is sad at times cough cough, s2e3, cough cough, because these characters have experienced sad things like the person they’re deeply in love with leaving them before they even have a chance to develop their relationship or make sense of their own feelings, most notably death. death is sad so of course that’s going to be conveyed in the show. it’s almost impossible to make a death not sad, especially considering the likeableness of most of the characters except julian. however, death can also be taken lightly in the context of the show as the whole point is that they’re dead, we wouldn’t have ghosts if they were alive. they died years before episode 1 took place. it’s already happened, but it hasn’t been dealt with completely, and thats where the sadness comes in. they’re still processing and dealing with the trauma that came with their deaths. both sides of the event are shown, because the characters feel both good and bad about their deaths. they feel bad about it because of everything they lost and the way they died and the circumstances of their deaths but they also have positive feelings surrounding their deaths because of the situation they’re currently in. they can kind of just do whatever they want (as far as their physical boundaries allow them to) without consequences, because what can happen? they’re dead! they also have bonds with each other and, now that alison and mike are there, they have something to keep them occupied and aware of how things have changed since they were alive. every cloud has a silver lining and all that.

[monaownsmyass]

From Homecoming to Coming Home

Book: My Two First Loves, Chapters 35-38

Pairing: Ava Lawrence x MC (Emma Price)

Genre: Fluff? Fluff. Yeah, fluff

Rating: G, None

Word count: 3,244 (I may have gotten carried away)

A/N: Homecoming but make it Ava’s PoV since we missed most of it and MTFL is on hiatus. Also, I’m dead tired and didn’t proofread so it might be a little messy, sorry.

This was it. Today was the day. No more running, no more hiding, no more denying. I had to break up with Chad. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as I looked at myself in the mirror, my reflection staring back at me in my homecoming dress. I couldn't help but think, 'Would she think I look pretty?'.

I shook the thought out of my head before touching up my make up, wanting it to look as flawless as possible. I couldn't lie to myself anymore, I knew who I was trying to impress.

With my heart hammering out of my chest, I walked downstairs and was greeted by my parents.

"Oh, honey! You look wonderful!"

"Thank you, I'll see you guys later, love you."

"We love you too!"

Honestly, the whole exchange with my parents was a blur, I couldn't focus with all the thoughts running through my head. My anxiety was off the charts.

Am I really doing this?

I stepped into my sedan and made my way to school, thinking about everything that has happened lately. I felt bad for stringing Chad along, he was a decent enough guy but he wasn't the one I wanted. None of the boys I've been with were the ones I wanted. I always thought it was just because I haven't found 'the one' yet. I thought every girl felt like it until I overheard a few girls from cheer talking about their boyfriends and crushes. About how great it felt from just holding hands to making out. I never understood that.

But I think I do now. I know why now.

When I started dating Mason, I thought he was going to be my Mr. Perfect. He was the school's golden boy, what more could a girl ask for? I may have been a little reluctant when I asked him out but I figured I would be all over him as things went on. It didn't turn out that way. I found myself making excuses to avoid hanging out with him and every public display of affection felt more like a chore than something I wanted to do to show that I cared for him.

It didn't take me long after that to realise that my Mr. Perfect would actually be Ms. Perfect.

Emma has been my best friend since freshman year. I've always thought she looked beautiful and had a personality to match on the inside. I knew she thought I was the one that got all the boys' attention, but if only she knew she's had mine since day one. I would always get excited by the smallest things when it came to her. Something as little as a good morning text to a smile when she spotted me in the school hallway would never fail to make my day.

At first I thought it was because I've never had a best friend before. I never had anyone have my back the way she does. But whenever I saw her with Mason, it made me jealous so I thought it was because I liked Mason which was why I even asked him out in the first place.

It didn't become apparent until I started dating boys that I had it completely wrong. I guess you can imagine my confusion when I realised the feelings I was suppose to be getting from the guy I was dating was coming from my best friend instead.

I brushed it off, not wanting to even think about the possibility that I might like girls instead of guys, coming up with all sorts of reasons to avoid the inevitable reality.

The first day back to school, when I had to pick up Emma, that was the day I started really questioning myself. She looked ethereal walking down her driveway as she made her way to my car. The sunlight caught the highlights in her hair and hit her skin in a way that made her seem as if she was glowing. An angel walking among humans. My heart dropped to my stomach, partly at the revelation but mostly at the sight.

It wasn't until tonight that I finally accepted what I've been dreading for the past few months. I finally decided to embrace who I am and stop denying my feelings because everything finally made sense. Up to that very moment, when I was in the car, driving to homecoming, I've never said it aloud, but it was time.

I stopped at the red light and looked at myself in the mirror as I whispered, "I'm a lesbian." Immediately felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulder. I left out a shaky laugh as a tear rolled down my cheek. I felt free.

The word 'lesbian' used to make me flinch. It was never directed at me but it always felt like a slap in the face. It was always thrown around as a derogatory word, an insult, it was dirty and tainted. But I now know it wasn't true because the feelings I'm experiencing, the love I felt, it was pure. It's the purest thing I've known.

I didn't even realise I arrived until I was in the school parking lot. I parked my car and met Chad outside the gym. He did a double take when he saw me.

"You look gorgeous!"

I smiled at him politely in reply as we entered the building. He wasn't the one I wanted that reaction from. He wasn't the one I wanted to hear that from.

I knew I had to breakup with him tonight, I couldn't keep dragging him along like this but I just didn't know if I could. Then, I saw Emma and every doubt I had was resolved. I couldn't do this any longer, I had to call it quits as soon as I got the chance. She looked absolutely radiant. Her blue dress had a plunging neckline and was covered in sequins that glittered despite the dim lighting of the venue. It made her stand out in the crowd in a way that was absolutely captivating.

She was absolutely captivating.

My breath hitched as she caught my eye. We held glances before her eyes traveled down to my outfit. She slowly raked her eyes back up to meet mine. It may have been my imagination, but I saw her eyes widen a little and she looked slightly flustered. I smiled at her, my heart racing as I felt the butterflies in my stomach begin to flutter.

The moment didn't last long before I noticed who was standing beside her. Right, Noah was her date tonight. I couldn't help but feel disappointed that it wasn't me on her arm.

Completely forgetting that Chad was with me, he tapped me on the shoulder as I reluctantly tore my gaze away from Emma.

"Let's dance."

I gingerly accepted his outstretched hand before he lead me to the dance floor. I placed my arms around his neck, careful to leave some space between us while her held my waist. I looked around to see where Emma went and spotted her a few feet away from us. Their arms were wrapped securely around each other as her cheek rested against his chest.

A pang of envy and forlorn hit me hard in the chest. The things I'd do just to be in Noah's place. I had to remind myself I was in no place to feel this way. This is what Emma wanted, I had to respect that no matter how much it hurt. Noah's a good guy, I know he'll take care of her. That's all a best friend could ask for.

As if she could sense me looking at her, she looked straight into my eyes. Once she saw me staring, she lifted her head off of his chest and pulled back away from him slightly. A part of me leapt in bliss but the other, bigger part of me knew not to get my hopes up.

For the rest of the dance, Emma and I stole glances at each other, careful to keep distance between our respective dates. I couldn't help but wish that she'd come up to me and ask for a dance. The intensity of our gaze only became stronger the longer it went on.

In that instance, I wanted nothing more than to walk up to her and kiss her.

I watched as Noah whispered something into Emma's ear and lead her out of the gym. That jealousy I've been suppressing rose again and I knew it was time to call it quits with Chad.

I spoke over the loud music, asking him to follow me. I brought him up to the rooftop, knowing we won't be disturbed here while everyone was at the dance.

"Chad, I have to be honest with you, I think we should break up."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, I just don't think it will work out," I elaborated.

"Why not?"

"Because... It's hard to explained. I... I've figured some things out about myself," I said cautiously.

"Is it Mason? Be honest, was he a better kisser?" He looked crestfallen.

"It's not that. Even with Mason, I've never felt... Never mind," I sighed.

Perplexed, he spoke, "I don't get it."

"Chad," This was harder than I thought it was going to be but keeping Emma's face in mind, I pushed through. "We both deserve to be someone's first choice. And I know you're not mine."

"What's that supposed to mean? If not Mason then who?"

Emma Price.

"I'm sorry, but we're done."

I turned to go back to down to the dance, leaving him alone on the rooftop.

I hung around the dance for a short while, mingling with my cheer squad and a few friends even though I was in low spirits. I was hoping to catch Emma but I haven't seen her since I saw her leave with Noah. Defeated, I decided to go back home.

As I was pulling out of the parking area, I saw her. The girl that made me question everything, the girl I could always count on, the girl that commanded the room even without realising, my best friend.

My first love.

She looked as sad as I felt. I rolled down my window and asked, "Need a ride?"

"Am I that obvious?"

"To me? Always," I joked. "Get in, loser."

We drove in silence but from the corner of my eye, I could see her trying to think of something to break it.

"Ava, I'm sorry about everything," she finally said, voice soft and slow.

Even just the tone of her voice was enough for my heartbeat to pick up.

Unsure how to respond, I replied, "Yeah... And I'm sorry about Mason and Noah. Sounds like a mess..." My voice started wavering at the end of the sentence, knowing I'm not one of her choices. I just hoped she didn't catch it.

"I know I shouldn't been leading both on, it's like I don't even know my own heart."

I exhaled loudly, "I know what that's like," I paused. "I... I think I've been lying to myself for a long time about who I am. About what I want."

I glanced at her again and she was looking at me intently. I continued, "And... and I need to be honest to you now too."

I saw her breath catch in her throat, as if she knew what I was about to confess.

"I thought once I started dating guys, I'd get what the whole fuss was about. But I realised... I realised I learnt something completely different."

We pulled up to her house and I placed my hand over hers. Heat spread from the tips of my fingers where we touched to my entire body. As I felt her soft, gentle hand under mine, my heart pounded when I looked up into her alluring brown eyes. I could stare at them forever.

This was it, I should tell her how I feel. My mind screamed, 'I like you!' but my mouth said, "I'll walk you out."I sighed.

We stepped out of the car and made our way down her driveway. I've walked this driveway countless of times over the past few years but something in the air tonight felt different. Hope. Longing. A magnetic pull between the two of us. I shot her a look and it was then I knew I wasn't making it up.

We stopped at her doorstep before facing her and for the first time, it felt like I was really looking at her. The moonlight illuminated her stunning face as I took in the heavenly sight of her standing before me. The slope of her nose, the softness of her cheeks, the way the light was reflecting off her eyes, making them shine and how her lips were slightly parted as she looked back at me. All at once, the realisation of how I've always been in love with her came crashing down on me. And I knew she was thinking the same.

I've never felt like this. It was startlingly thrilling.

I watch memories flash before her eyes as realisation dawn on her as well. I thought back to all those small memories we've shared together during the past few years. Sharing a milkshake, walking down the sidewalk with our arms linked, laughing at the dumb things we do together, dancing in her room like no one was watching, staying up to watch the sunrise together, falling asleep in each other's lap during movie nights, joking about ditching boys and dating each other instead. I thought I was joking at that time but I think a part of me deep down has always wished it was true.

It was these little moments that made me fall for Emma. It just took me some time to put it all together and understand that my feelings weren't shameful. No, it was divine.

Without realising, I whispered aloud, "I feel like, for the first time in a while... I finally get it... I see everything so clearly..."

Subconsciously, we both moved closer to each other. We were so close, I could feel her soft breath tickle my skin. Her lips were only a few inches away from mine and if my heart we're to beat any faster, I'm sure I'd pass out.

She leaned in a little more closer and I swear I was dreaming... until she pulled back a bit, leaving me a little disappointed.

"Ava... I...," she struggled to find her words. "With Mason and Noah... I just..."

I took a slow step back and raised a hand to stop her.

"It's fine," I said with a rueful smile. I could feel my heart ache. "I understand, it's overwhelming." I took a deep breath and continued. "I just think you should know I really like you. Goodbye, Emma."

I turned back to head to my car when I felt her warm hand reached out to grab mine. The way her fingers laced through mine felt familiar and comforting. It was perfect.

I glanced at our intertwined fingers and back up into her eyes, looking sure. She knew what she wanted too.

She tugged me closer to her and the whole universe slowed down for us, as if making sure this was what we wanted before we did something we would regret. The way she was watching me made me feel as if I've finally been seen and we both knew no matter what would happen, how things would turn out, we'd always have this moment.

It felt like it took forever but when she finally crashed her lips against mine, everything sped back up in time with my heartbeat. Adrenaline coursed through our bodies as we clung on to each other, afraid we'd disappear into the oblivion we've created around us.

Years of longing and passion and mutual attraction was was poured into that kiss and for the first time in months, I finally felt alive. The way she wrapped an arm around my waist with the other hand gripping my hair gently made me understand what all those girls were always talking about. I get it now, I understood why people can't seem to keep their hands off of each other in the hallways because I never wanted this to end, it was wonderfully exhilarating, euphoric. It wasn't a myth, it was magic.

It was wasn't like how any of my other kisses with guys felt either. They were all forced, something I did just for the sake of it. I never liked the way their stubble beard scratched my skin or how their rough hands gripped my hips. The way their cologne filled up my nose always made me gag.

This kiss was nothing like that.

It was everything I imagined it would be and more.

Its the feeling you get when you're at the peak of the roller coaster, seconds before it drops or when you lean too far back on a chair and you think you're gonna fall. It's when your heart stops beating for a second and then it starts again it only for it to pump rapidly as if you've ran a marathon and you feel absolutely breathless. I felt like I was on fire.

I held her smooth cheeks in my palms as I kissed her desperately. 'This is how much I want you', the kiss conveyed, 'this is how long I've waited for you'. With all the passion in my body and soul, I kissed her as I got high off the scent of her perfume.

She was the first to break the kiss but I pulled her back into me, not wanting it to be over so soon. She was utterly intoxicating and I couldn't get enough of her.

She started giggling and that's when I pulled back.

"Have I mentioned how stunning you look tonight?" she asked with a small, infectious smile.

"You look pretty damn good yourself, Ms. Price," I laughed with her.

I embraced her tightly, and she reciprocated, the both of us just holding each other under the moonlight for a few minutes, listening to our breaths become even and stable once again.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I whispered into her hair.

"That sounds amazing," she breath out.

After one last peck on the lips, I waited for Emma to enter her house, waving her goodbye. I made my way back to my car and just sat there for a moment, taking all of it in. I smiled to myself like an idiot, just sitting there while I replayed what just happened in my head. I was trying to control my heartbeat when I heard my phone go off. My heart rate picked up again as I saw it was from Emma.

'Also, I really like you too :)'.

My heart was so full, I thought it would burst in ecstasy.

I clutched my phone to my chest, smiling bigger than I thought possible when I heard it go off again.

'I can still see you outside, go home, weirdo :P'.

I let out a small laugh as I looked out my car window and into her bedroom's. I saw her smiling at me while shaking her head.

What she didn't know was she is my home. She has been for a while. Now it's time I try to become her's.

(More fics!)

[glazslippers]

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

Pairing: Stanley Uris x OC (female) Warnings: cursing

Summary: Quinn had spent her whole life protecting other women from the dangers of men. When she met Stanley, she thought he was just like every other boy she had come across, sex craved and egotistical. Although one of those was correct, that didn’t stop the feelings she felt towards him form.

A/N: this is my first fanfic i’ve posted on here and i honestly feel like a mom on snapchat. if you like it please let me know and i might continue writing things like these in the future! (i’m really sorry if this sucks)

Even though Quinn Macey had moved to Derry less than three months ago, that didn't stop her from making tons of friends. They loved her outgoing and sarcastic personality and the fact that she didn't take shit from anyone. She wouldn't constantly stick up for them at school and in town if there was a guy trying desperately to get into their pants. She was often nicknamed spitfire or hot head or a string of other names, drawing inspiration from her short temper and red hair.

It was no secret that in the three short months she'd lived in Derry, she gained a string of female friends partly because she refused to talk to any of the boys at school or on town. It was her own personal grudge that she held against every living male. They didn't cause anything but trouble in her opinion and the only thing on their mind was sex.

Because of her refusal of boys, many of them and even a few girls had coined her as lesbian, not that she minded. She dressed girly enough, but when she wanted to she could get down and dirty, playing a variety of sports. In her old town, she played on a softball team that won a few state-wide games. She had also dabbled in football and soccer. Though soccer wasn't her favorite, she played it anyway.

When she moved to Derry, she had to quit her team and say goodbye to her friends, which she probably won't hear of again. Starting at the end of the school year might have been hard for anyone else opposite of Quinn. She decided to start out nice, warming up to everyone but when a few guys tried hitting on her, she quickly put her in their place and made it clear she wasn't interested. They had bugged her over and over. If it was just some one time thing she might have looked passed it but since they kept on pestering her, she had to take matters into her own hands.

The last day of school was nearing an end and Quinn found herself eyeing the clock. Her reasoning behind staring at the gadget was nothing more than "maybe if I stare hard enough it'll tick faster." It obviously didn't get the memo, and continued ticking at its agonizingly slow pace.

Maybe it was the sun shining from outside through the classroom window onto her skin, or the fact that she couldn't wait to get out of the retched classroom and was bouncing her leg up and down so much that she had broken out into a small sweat but one thing was certain: today had to be the hottest day of the year.

Quinn thought of the regret she had for wearing jeans and had her hair down while she fanned herself off with her right hand. She had already tied her shirt up as high as the school would allow but it didn't help because of the broken AC system in the class she was in. She looked outside, seeing the seniors leave school early, being dismissed by the teachers because they were upperclassmen and did the calculations in her head. If the seniors already walked out, they must have been released by the teachers, like everyday, five minutes before school let out. Quinn started counting down from 300 in her head.

297, 296, 295.

She couldn't focus on whatever the teacher was saying. The small heat stroke she was having didn't help with focusing either.

230, 229, 228.

She leaned her head back, fanning her neck and wrists. Her once ice filled water bottle became a lake of boiling lava in her metal cup.

134, 133, 132.

Quinn wondered if she had gotten to the halfway mark or already passed it while she was counting. She didn't think she could take one more minute of being without air. Black spots clouded her vision and she lied her head against the window.

97, 96, 95.

She was getting so close. Less than a hundred seconds to go until she could escape the body heat filled room and into the hot summer air. At least she would feel something other than hot.

Quinn was two seconds away from ripping her shirt off and using it as a noose when the bell rang. She sprung up as fast as she could and bolted out of the door. One of her friends, Savannah, walked by her and Quinn grabbed her arm.

"I'm dying," she said in between pants.

Savannah raised an eyebrow at the dramatic girl in front of her. "You good?"

"Do I look good?" Quinn retorted. "I am the definition of lava. If you look it up in the dictionary you'll see a picture of me melting."

"I take it you're hot?"

"How are you not? It's literally two hundred degrees out!"

Savannah rolled her eyes and closed her locker. Ah head just cleaned everything out and placed it all into her book bag. With an amused smile, she looked down at Quinn who had her head against the tall blue lockers. "Wanna go swimming?"

The words sparked energy into Quinn's body. Suddenly, she didn't realize that she had drops of sweat rolling down her face or the bottom of her hair had stuck to her neck. All she cared about was the cool release of hitting the cool body of water and cooling off.

At the mention of swimming, Savannah watched Quinn's eyes widen and laughed. "I'm guessing that's a yes?"

"That's a hell yes!"

Quinn and Savannah hopped out of Savannah's car and Quinn had never undressed herself so fast in her entire life. She stripped down to her underwear and immediately ran and jumped off the cliff that towered over the river. Savannah looked over the edge, worried when her friend didn't pop back up but let out a sigh of relief when Quinn's head poked its familiar red hair out of the water.

"Come in it feels so nice!" She yelled up at the brunette looking over the rocks.

"I don't know, Q. It's pretty high up."

"Just jump! It'll be over in an instant!"

Savannah shook her head and backed away from the edge. "I can't do it."

Quinn rolled her eyes and swam to land. She crawled out of the water and hiked back up to where Savannah was standing. Her wet body weighed her down but the second she rang her hair out it felt as if she lost five pounds.

"Here," Quinn grabbed Savannah's hand. "I'll jump with you."

"Quinn," the brunette whined.

"Don't whine, you baby. It's just a few feet."

"A few feet?" Savannah yelled with wide eyes. "Girl, that is at least three hundred feet."

"Maybe, but once you jump you'll realize it's not that high at all."

"Yeah, but I'm not jumping."

Quinn groaned. "Sav, I'm gonna day this in the nicest way possible: stop being such a pussy and jump."

Savannah frowned. "That was you being nice?"

Quinn shrugged and cornered Savannah where she was back to the edge. "You're either gonna hump or I'm gonna push you. You're choice."

"Quinn," Savannah warned. "You better back up." The ginger smirked and an evil glint shone across her eyes.

If it weren't for a group of teenage boys pulling up on their bikes behind them, Savannah would've been done for. The girls' head snapped around to see who had joined them. There were four boys, obviously outnumbering them and probably had the same idea they had after school let out. They threw their bikes to the ground and some removed their shoes while the other removed their shirts, obviously not noticing the two girls half naked in front of them.

Stanley turned his head to the direction of the cliff, sprinting over to it but stopped when he saw the girls. "Um, what're you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Quinn said with a little more attitude than she meant.

"Well, obviously we're gonna swim. So, why don't you too head home and play with some Barbies or whatever."

Quinn scoffed and Savannah sighed, knowing what her friend would do in this situated. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," Stanley rolled his eyes. "Get lost."

"I'm sorry, who was here first?"

By now, the rest of the boys came over to their friend, backing him up against the girls or one girl in particular. "We come here every summer so it's our hangout," Richie said.

"Oh, sorry. Well just be on our way then."

Stanley crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows when she didn't move.

"What, you thought I was serious?" Quinn bitterly laugh. "I knew boys were dumb, but I didn't think they were that dumb."

"W-We're not d-dumb!" Bill replied.

"Well?" Stanley said.

"Well what?"

"Leave already!"

Quinn put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes. "No. We were clearly here first. Doesn't matter if you guys come here every summer or not."

"You must be new around here cause this is our space," Richie spike.

"And so what if I am? I don't see your name on this cliff."

Stanley glared at the girl in front of him. "Who do you think you are?"

"Quinn Macey." She smiled almost taunting him to keep bugging her, which he gladly did.

"Well, Quinn Macey, why don't you and your friend head home before you get yourself jumping off this cliff."

Quinn grabbed Savannah's hand protectively. "Her name is Savannah and I've already jumped it. But you pretty boys are probably too chicken to jump aren't you?"

Stanley scoffed and walked forward, making the friends behind him walk forward too. "You think we can't jump it?"

"Nah I don't think that's it. Maybe it's the fact that you're just threatened by two girls who rightfully deserve to stay at your precious little river."

Stanley laughed. "You think we're threatened by you? A spoiled brat that can't stand not getting what she wants?"

"You little-" Before Quinn could get close to Stanley, Savannah held her back by her arms. Quinn obviously struggled against Savannah's grip but the brunette wasn't looking for a fight, she just wanted to swim.

"Stan, maybe we could just share it," Eddie whispered to the curly headed boy in front of him. He also wasn't looking for a fight and wanted to remain peaceful, knowing Stan was too stubborn to give up and Quinn probably was the same.

"Share? Ed, have you gone crazy? Why would we share the river with some random girls?"

"Well, I don't really wanna fight over it and it seems like the best option. We both get what we want," Eddie shrugged.

"I-I'm fine w-with sharing," said Bill.

"Not you too," Stan sighed and looked at Richie. "Rich, tell them sharing's not an option."

Richie looked away from Stanley, kickoff the dirt underneath him. "I mean, all I want to do is swim. I guess it wouldn't matter if there are chicks in the water or not."

Stanley groaned. "Fine."

"So you guys are leaving?" Quinn asked, crossing her arms.

"No, we're gonna share," Eddie explained. "That way we both can swim."

Quinn raised an eyebrow. "No way. There's no way-"

Savannah cut Quinn off. "We'll take it!" At the ginger's gaze she shrugged. "What? I want to swim."

"Good." With that the boys finished taking off their clothes, leaving them in only underwear.

"So, are we swimming with strangers or..." Savannah trailed off.

"That's Bill, Eddie, and Stanley," Richie introduced, "and I'm Richie."

"Savannah and Quinn," the brunette formally introduced.

Stanley and Quinn kept glaring at each other during the introductions as if the first person to look away would lose their little mind game between just the two of them. During this time, Eddie, Bill, and Richie had already jumped from the cliff. Quinn obviously had no intention of moving her gaze until Savannah grabbed her arm. She cursed herself when her head turned to meet Savannah's gaze. Stanley held a satisfying smirk on his face because he had won their staring contest.

"Q, I'm just gonna take the long way down."

Quinn frowned. "No jumping?"

"You know I'm terrified of heights."

"Fine. I'll be down in a minute."

Savannah walked away leaving Quinn alone with Stanley. Stan walked up next to her and got into position for a running start. Quinn followed his actions, giving him a challenging smirk. Stanley narrowed his eyes and shifted his gaze ahead. They took off at the same time, another wordless challenge adapted to see who could jump the farthest.

Quinn thought for sure she jumped farthest and swam back up to the surface with a satisfying smile on her face. That was until she saw Stanley pop his head up and flip the hair out of his eyes. He was just a few feet in front of her and a frown formed on her face when she saw the teasing glint in his eyes as if he was dying to annoy her by saying he had gotten farther than her.

With a huff, Quinn swam over to where Savannah had gotten in at and began chatting with her, occasionally swimming further out to get away from the boys.

Stan tried his best hiding the looks he gave Quinn from afar but the boys had caught on since he wasn't that good at hiding. Richie splashed Stan's face to stop him from staring.

Stanley wiped his face and glared at Richie. "What was that for?"

Richie smirked. "You were staring."

"Was not."

"We're to."

Eddie joined in. "It was kind of obvious that you were staring, Stan."

"Stan l-likes Q-Quinn," Bill teased.

Stanley splashed Bill in the face to shut him up. "No I don't. I'm just annoyed that they're here."

"I'm not," said Eddie. He turned to the girls that were a little further out than they were. "Hey, guys!"

Their heads turned to the voice shouting at them. Stan's eyes went wide as he hit Eddie in the arm. "What are you doing?" He whispered.

Eddie shrugged. "Inviting them over for a game." He turned to the girls that started swimming over, led by Savannah. "Wanna chicken fight?"

"How do you play?" Savannah asked. The boys stood on the shallower end so when the girls came up, the water was up to their chests. Quinn stood behind Savannah with her arms crossed, not particularly wanting to be around Stanley.

"One person gets on another person's shoulders and fights the other team. The first first to knock the other off, wins," Eddie explained.

"Okay, who's gonna get on who?" Quinn questioned.

"We'll switch it up so it doesn't really matter right now."

"Okay, Savannah. Hop on." Quinn went under water and let Savannah climb on top of her shoulders. When she was on, Quinn went back above water and grabbed onto Savannah's thighs so that she wouldn't go anywhere.

"How the hell did you-" Richie started but was interrupted by Quinn.

"Sav's a twig. She weighs, like, two pounds."

Richie got on Bill's shoulders while Eddie and Stanley watched. Richie and Savannah grasped hands and started fighting. Bill and Quinn navigated to help better their team's chances at winning by moving from side to side or forwards and backwards. It was a tough fight, but eventually Richie was the victor. Richie yelled how proud he was and Bill shook him off his shoulders.

"Who's next bitches?" Richie asked, ready for another round.

"I wanna go," Quinn announced. Savannah seemed to have a lot of fun and it would be extremely satisfying to knock one of the boys off. "Sav?"

Savannah's eyes widened. "Um, no offense, but I'm not as strong as you."

Quinn playfully glared at her. "Are you calling me fat?"

"Don't worry, Quinn. Stan's pretty strong, he'll be able to hold you," Richie winked.

"I'm not fat!"

"Alright, Eddie get your ass over here so I can get on your shoulders. Quinn you get on Stan's shoulders," Richie instructed. Stan and Quinn's eyes widened at the boy's words.

"No way!" They yelled in unison.

"Everyone else has gone. Stop being losers so we can play the game."

"Fine," Stanley huffed and went under water so Quinn would have an easier time of getting on. After a few seconds, he still didn't feel her weight on his shoulders and popped back up. "You just gonna let me drown?"

"That was the plan," Quinn admitted with a smirk on her face.

"Will you just get on, brat?"

"Don't get your panties in a twist." Stanley dipped back under water and Quinn crossword over his shoulders. He came back up and placed his hands a little too high up for Quinn's comfort. She smacked them away but the second she started falling back tugged on Stan's hair. His neck got hot and the tips of his ears went red. "Got a thing for hair pulling, pretty boy?"

"I won't hesitate to let go," Stanley warned.

The truth of the matter was that Stanley was beet red. Only Eddie and Richie could see him like this and to anyone else they would've thought that Stan was just having a tough time keeping Quinn up. Except that was the opposite of what was happening. Stanley was quite strong as he used the muscles in his legs to hoist them up out of the water.

It just so happened that the mix of hair pulling (one of his turn ons), the fact that her stomach was up against his head, and the his touch on her thighs made him blush all over. Oh, and also because her crotch was sitting on the back of his neck.

Quinn and Richie joined hands and the boy knew that if Stanley was in his place he would've had a field day at what he was witnessing. Because Quinn was bent over and her arms had squeezed to the sides of her breasts to meet Richie's arms, her boobs had smushed together. Richie didn't dare look but he could still see them from where he looked on her face.

They fought back and forth, Quinn pushing at Richie and the other way around. She would occasionally grab onto Stan's head to regain her balance and when she did, Stanley backed up so that Richie wouldn't take the opportunity to knock her off. After a few minutes of struggling on both ends, Quinn eventually pushed Richie off Eddie's shoulders.

The boy went down with a loud yell and defeated, emerged from the water with a frown. "I really just got beat by a girl."

Quinn had a proud smile on her face. "Don't take it personal, I'm just stronger than you." She patted Stanley's head. "You can let me down now."

Stanley went under water and released his grip on Quinn's thighs. Once he didn't feel her on him anymore, he returned to the surface, almost bumping into her. Neither said anything, but both had a small blush on their cheeks as they swam to their separate groups.

Savannah didn't miss the pink tint on Quinn's cheeks and shared a knowing look with Eddie. She and Eddie walked onto land that was about two yards away to get away from the others.

"So, are they in love or are they in love?" Savannah laughed.

"All of the above," Eddie responded with a smile similar to the girl in front of him and looked at Quinn and Stanley who were hiding behind both Richie and Bill.

"And what are we gonna do about it?" Savannah asked, rocking on her feet.

"What do you mean?"

Savannah rolled her eyes. "Well, if we're gonna set them up we gotta have a plan."

"Oh, right. How about we all go to the movies and make them sit next to each other?" His eyes suddenly went wide at the thought he had. "And they can share a bucket of popcorn!"

"Shh," Savannah shushed him. "That's a good idea. But what movie are we gonna see?"

"How about a horror movie?" Eddie suggested.

"That's genius! I know Quinn and she gets scared easily. A scary movie will have her jumping into his arms."

"The theater's doing a rerun of all the eighties scary movies on Saturdays. So tomorrow they'll be playing A Nightmare on Elm Street."

Savannah nodded. "We'll be there."

"Are you gonna be scared?"

Savannah laughed at his question. "Hell no. If there's one thing I have over Quinn it's scary movies. I love them, she hates them."

"Alright, we'll meet you guys there at six, okay? By the time we get out, it'll be dark."

"I'll make an excuse on why I can't take her home and then Stan'll have to walk her." She wiggled her eyebrows.

After a few more hours in the water, it started getting dark out, which meant it was time to leave. Quinn decided against putting on her jeans and instead slipped her shirt over her head and put on her socks and shoes. Her shirt was rather large because it was her mom's so it came down a little above the bottom of her butt, still showing the underwear underneath.

Savannah didn't miss Stanley's stare directed towards Quinn's body and held a big smile on her face. Once in the car, Quinn questioned why Savannah was smiling so large.

"Cause I have a huge crush on Stanley Uris."

Quinn didn't sense the joking tone in her voice and replied with a simple, "Oh."

Savannah snorted at her friend who stared out the window like her soul had just collapsed. "I'm just kidding, he's all yours."

Quinn's head snapped to the driver and scowled. "I do not have a crush on Stanley. Did you not witness what I witnessed today? He was an ass."

"Or maybe, he was having a bad day."

"Or maybe, he's an ass."

Savannah rolled her eyes and continued driving. "Wanna go see a movie tomorrow with the boys?"

"Is-"

Savannah interrupted Quinn's question. "Is Stan gonna be there? Yes."

Quinn glared. "That's not what I was gonna ask. Is someone gonna pay for my ticket? Cause I don't have any money."

"I'll pay for you, sugar baby." Savannah winked.

"Thanks daddy." The girls erupted into laughter.

The next day, Savannah showed up at Quinn's house just before five. Quinn was still getting ready as Savannah walked into her room. She was contemplating whether or not to wear her smaller hoops or go bold and wear larger ones. "Which ones?"

Savannah raised an eyebrow at Quinn's attire. She wore a short blue sundress that had no sleeves and reached just above her mid thigh. It might have been one of the shortest dresses she owned but it definitely wasn't number one. She didn't wear any makeup, like always, but had lip gloss on her lips.

"The small ones," Savannah decided and watched Quinn put them on in the mirror. "Is all this for Stanley?"

"Will you shut up? It's hot outside and I am not making the same mistake as yesterday."

"I'm guessing that's the same for the earrings, lip gloss, and perfume?"

Quinn have her a look. "We're going to the movies with a group of people. Why not get a little dolled up?

They hung out for awhile at Quinn's house until it was time to leave. They both hopped in Savannah's car and drove into town where they would meet the boys at the movie theater. Savannah had yet to tell Quinn what movie they were going to see but she could only assume it wasn't something sappy if the boys were tagging along. Or maybe they were tagging along with the boys. Either way, they were going to see a movie and Quinn hoped it was going to be good.

The boys were already waiting for them as they pulled up and parked. Quinn noticed there was one less male from yesterday and furrowed her eyebrows as they neared the group. "Where's Stanley?"

Eddie and Savannah looked at each other knowingly while Richie responded. "He's inside away from the heat. We've been here for awhile."

"It is pretty hot out," Quinn admitted. "How long have you guys been here?"

"Since four thirty. Eddie forgot what time we needed to be here so we've just camped out waiting for you two," Richie explained.

"Well, lets go in and buy our tickets."

Savannah bought her and Quinn's ticket while the boys bought theirs. When it came to who was getting popcorn, Bill and Richie would share a bucket, so would Savannah and Eddie and Quinn and Stanley.

"Wait, why can't we share a bucket?" Quinn asked Savannah as she took the bucket of buttery popcorn in her hands. Movie theater popcorn was her favorite kind of popcorn. It was popped fresh in front of you and you could determine how much butter you wanted on it.

"Cause I'm not sitting next to you. I'm sitting next to Eddie," Savannah said as they walked into the theater where the movie was playing.

Eddie sat next to Savannah, who was adjacent to Bill and Richie. Quinn found herself sandwiches between Richie and Stanley. A duo she didn't know if she could handle without her open minded friend. Reluctantly, she handed the bucket of popcorn to Stanley. If she wanted some later, she'd grab it herself. When she usually shared, Quinn would set the popcorn on the arm rest but right now she wanted to rest her arm on it.

After what seemed liked a thousand previews of every movie other than the one they were watching, the movie started. The theater went black and the only lights were the emergency ones and the big screen in front of them. Quinn grabbed popcorn and shoved it in her mouth, almost chocking when she saw the title come up on the screen.

THE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

Quinn watched in horror with wide eyes then turned to her left, looking over Richie and Bill and scowled at Savannah who was happily eating popcorn. Resting her back into the chair, Quinn sank down and mentally groaned.

"What is it?" Stanley whispered.

"I wouldn't have come if I knew we were watching this," Quinn responded. She would rather puke her own guts out than watch anything gruesome or filled with jump scares. Unfortunately for her, it would be a long night full of violence and scares.

Quinn wasn't expecting a sex scene to show up and the moment it did, she immediately became uncomfortable. Thankfully, it passed by quick enough and she was left with more agonizing jump scares. One scene in particular made her grab onto Stanley's hand that was resting on the arm rest.

The movie continued with little touches like that. Sometimes when Quinn stuck her hand inside the bucket of popcorn, Stan's hand would be there too and they would brush up against each other.

Then there were times when Quinn got really scared and hid herself in Stan's shoulder to stop herself from watching the screen. Stanley was more than okay with the times she got scared. He didn't want to seem too forward and comfort her back but he let her continue hiding in his shoulder.

When the movie ended, Quinn bolted out of the theater to finally get air and leaned against the wall, the rest following shortly after.

"S-Scared of a m-movie, Q-Quinn?" Bill teased.

"Not at all. I was just getting a little hot," she lied. The group walked to the front of the theater and Quinn looked out the windows with wide eyes. "Oh, it's dark."

"That a problem?"

"No," Quinn snapped a little too harsh at Richie's taunt. "I think we should head home, Sav."

"About that, mom said I needed to be home at eight and it's already seven fifty-two. Could you walk home?"

"A-Alone? Out there?" Quinn's gaze went from Savannah to the pitch black outside.

"Stan can walk you home," Eddie suggested and nudged his friend. "Right, Stan?"

Stanley's head shot up at the mention of his name. "What?"

"You'll walk Quinn home, right?"

"Uh," Stanley looked at Quinn who seemed nervous about walking home alone. His expression softened. "Yeah, sure."

"Okay, well I had fun guys, but I should go so my mom doesn't rip my head off and feeds it to the dog." Savannah waved goodbye and got in her car and left. Richie, Eddie, and Bill all left together, leaving Stanley and Quinn alone.

"So, did you like the movie?" Stan asked.

"Hell no."

Stanley laughed and Quinn felt her heart beat a little faster when he did. "I take it your not much of a horror fan?"

"I avoid them like the plague." Quinn crossed her arms and continued looking outside, almost as if she was looking for any supernatural creature or serial killer hidden behind street lamps or alleyways.

"Where do you live?"

"The culdesac off Baker Street," Quinn responded. When they started to walk, she noticed her shoe was untied and told him to wait as she bent down and tied it. "Okay, we can-" Quinn gasped and froze when she felt a hand come in contact with her bottom.

Stanley's eyes widened and his head shot to the culprit. It was some teen who didn't go to their school. Luckily, he was Stan's height so when the Jew grabbed hold of the boy's collar and lift him up, he didn't have to move far. While up in the air, Stanley pinched him in the face and threw him on the ground. Some of the people in the same area witnessed it happen and also saw that when the manager came out, Stan grabbed Quinn's hand and ran outside. They didn't stop running until the theater was out of sight.

Quinn was in shock and confusion by what had just happened and who she had froze instead of beat the boy to a pulp then and there. Maybe when you've defended other girls your whole life, it comes as a shock when it actually happens to you. Quinn was extremely lucky to have had Stanley there beside her in her vulnerable moment and snuck a glance in his direction.

His forehead glistened under the lamp's light because of the sweat from running and he stuck his hands into his pant pockets. He looked down and tried to regain his breath. They walked in silence for a few paces until Quinn finally spoke up. "Thank you."

Stanley looked over at her. He wasn't going to push the subject on her so he let her speak first before asking any further questions. "It was nothing. Are you okay?"

Quinn nodded and frowned. "I should've chopped his dick off and made him eat it right there." Stanley raised and eyebrow and Quinn huffed. "All I've done my life is try to protect other girls from men like that but the second it happens to me I freeze? It's pathetic."

"It's not pathetic. It's just different when it comes to protecting yourself. Instead of an offense attack, it's defense. Two different tactics."

"Then I guess I need more practice on defensive strategies."

They walked through the dark with only the light of the street lamps over their heads. From her left, Quinn heard a bush shake quickly and pounced onto Stanley's side, grabbing onto his arm for dear life. He looked down at her and the second she realized there was no danger, she looked at him. It was only for a second before she jumped back to where she was beside him earlier.

"Sorry," she muttered.

"I-It's fine." He looked down at her and bit his lip. "If you weren't just sexually assaulted, I'd ask to kiss you."

Anger rose in Quinn's body until his full sentence registered in her mind and her face softened. "Y-You would?"

"Yeah. You're pretty and confident and when you jump into me it makes me feel more like a man."

Quinn rolled her eyes with a smile. "I guess I wouldn't mind if you asked."

"Really?" Quinn nodded. "So, can I kiss you?" Quinn nodded again and Stanley bent down and placed his lips on top of hers. Even with the limited knowledge about these encounters didn't stop her from kissing back. Her hands made their way up his neck and while one stayed there, the other trailed up into his hair and twirled it around her finger. Stanley placed his hands on her sides and pulled her in closer so that their hips were touching. He was bold enough to run his tongue along her bottom lip, asking for entrance and she was fine with it, letting him in.

Their little kiss had turned into a make-out session in the middle of the sidewalk until a sound from behind Quinn made her break away and dart her head towards it. It was just a bird flying out from the bush but that didn't stop her heart from pounding fifty miles an hour. Stanley's puffy lips turned up into a smile as he grabbed hold of her hand, reassuring her that it was alright.

"Sorry," Quinn apologized and under his gaze, blushed. He was the only one that had ever made her blush and she didn't know how to act.

"It's fine. Come on, we're almost there." They continued to walk, neither one talking about their shared moment just a few steps ago and fell into a silence before Stanley broke it. "You know, as a man, I don't claim him as part of my gender."

Quinn chuckled. "'As a man,' huh?"

Stanley scoffed in shock. "I am eighteen. Legally I am a man. And I look like one, too." He flexed his muscles.

Quinn let her eyes sweep over his body. "Whatever you say, pretty boy."

"Pretty man," Stan corrected with a smile and Quinn just rolled her eyes.

[eats-the-stars]

ok so i’m probably not going to word this the best, but I think I’ve finally convinced my bro-in-law-to-be (white, straight) that he can’t keep making homophobic/racist jokes around the house or out in public. and for context, he’s actually not a very racist/homophobic dude, but when he hangs out with his dude friends (a group that includes one gay dude, a bi guy, and a black guy) they all tend to throw around those kind of jokes in good humor. which is fine if they’re out laughing it up or whatever. but...not around the house, when none of those people are present to reciprocate.

and the bro-in-law-to-be has explained over and over that “my gay/black friend was the one who said this joke so it’s cool for me to tell it” but...his gay friend is not here to laugh at the joke. his black friend is not here to laugh at his joke. The only people in this house are me (white nonbinary ace or lesbian i’m still figuring it out, also autistic), my sister (white, bi), and our straight white dad who is very racist/homophobic but usually keeps it on the down low since he knows that we do not share his views and WILL debate him if he makes a nasty comment.

So our dad is usually quiet about his messed up thoughts...UNLESS someone says something to indicate “Hey, I’m racist/homophobic, just like you!” and makes it a safe space to suddenly start talking about “the Chinese virus” or “businesses should be allowed to refuse service to gays” and all this other horrible stuff, which then means that my sister and I have to go through another grueling debate with our dad about how “eugenics is bad” and “refusing to bake a cake leads to refusing to lease an apartment and it’s a slippery slope” and EVERY TIME the bro-in-law-to-be has been like “wow i didn’t know your dad thought those things” while my sister and I are like “AND WE WOULDN’T HAVE TO HAVE THIS ARGUMENT AGAIN IF YOU STOPPED TELLING THESE JOKES AND ENCOURAGING HIM TO BE OPENLY RACIST/HOMOPHOBIC.”

I can’t believe we had to explain to my bro-in-law-to-be that ppl who are racist/homophobic keep an ear out for these kind of jokes in order to recognize each other. A joke is the safest way for them to test the waters. If it’s poorly received, they can just brush it off and go “oh it was just a joke, guys, it wasn’t serious, I don’t really think those things, haha.” BUT it also provides the option for ppl to laugh and go “oh yes, that’s a good joke, i’ll tell you an equally horrible joke to prove that i share your beliefs.” and BAM, they’ve identified a fellow racist/homophobe/etc. and now know that they can talk openly in front of this person, or look to them for support if an argument breaks out. And then suddenly the space you’re in has the potential to become very ugly very fast if the majority of people signal that they’re comfortable with this, and then, if you’re a person who doesn’t agree, you have to either step up and try to shut that shit down and potentially put yourself at risk (which can range from actual physical risk to the emotional/mental damage that comes with listening to someone say terrible things about a group you belong to).

And my bro-in-law-to-be has the luxury of not belonging to any of these groups. Which means that if he makes a stupid joke at the wrong time that lights the racist/homophobic/ableist fire in the room, he’s not at risk of getting burnt. At most he’s going to be uncomfortable or feel like “wow that’s horrible” but he won’t actually be at RISK in the same way my sister and I will be. The way anyone else in that room who’s black or gay or autistic will be once he starts that ball rolling.

And right now we’re trying to focus on him not starting those fires inside our house, around our dad. Because my sister and I have tried very hard over the years to try to talk our dad out of a lot of his shitty mindsets and it’s slow progress, but we’ve managed to convince him of small things over time. he’s a lot less ableist and sexist, for example. Those were easier to work on because he has three daughters (us) and we milked that angle hard, and because I’m autistic, which we also milked hard since i was able to convince him to look at me as having expertise about disabilities that made him value my opinion. We’ve also made strides on the homophobia front, too. If I ever figure out that i like girls (still working on that) and actually date a girl, I think he would be uncomfortable at first, but he wouldn’t reject me as his daughter or anything. likewise, if my sister (bi) broke up w/her boyfriend and started dating a girl, he would probably accept that. We know this mostly because our dad apparently thought that our youngest sis (the irony is she’s the only straight one) was dating her bff in high school and was cool with it. Might have a harder time if, like, his grandson turned out to be gay (he’s more accepting of lesbians/wlw??), but we’re working on it, and we got him to accept using our trans friend’s chosen name and pronouns instead of his deadname, which took time (i’m still not out to him as nonbinary, tho. my sister and online peeps are the only ppl who know right now). So we’ve made progress!

But THEN my bro-in-law has to throw dad a bone with these lame jokes that are uncomfortable to hear coming out of his mouth in the first place (why is it always a cis straight white guy who thinks he can tell any kind of joke as long as he “doesn’t mean it”?) and so this has brought back a lot of those old beliefs in our dad that we’ve been trying to smother. These last few years under Trump have already set him back, ngl, but bro-in-law-to-be was not helping.

it’s also so hard to try fighting racism in our dad, partly because our area is so white and most of our POC friends don’t live here anymore (so far our best success is directly exposing him to a person belonging to the group he hates, and slowly letting him see that they’re human. he’s so non-confrontational that he’s not going to say anything in front of the person, either, and we supervise the whole time, and inform our friend beforehand–our trans friend volunteered to help us previously). and you can’t just say “black lives matter because they’re human beings with intrinsic value equal to a white life” because...he’s racist. he’ll debate you all day or say “ok ok” and let the subject drop w/out changing his mind. you literally have to force him to regularly have positive reactions w/a real life person to change him. god...it’s like training a dog or exposure therapy or something but it’s the best we’ve got. it’s not like there’s a school where u can send ur racist parents to learn human decency.

and it’s hard because he’s our dad and we love him and it’s hard to look at someone you love and know that he believes that straight white abled lives have more intrinsic value than anyone else...just because. i hate that we live in a society where so many ppl hate each other for these things. and it’s just...up to everyone else in their lives to decide to do anything about it. and even then, it’s so hard. and our dad is just one person, and we’ve had years and the benefit of him loving us enough to listen. i can’t imagine trying to reform a stranger, or tons of ppl all at once...

[daddiesdrarryy]

Dinner for Two - Drarry

Summary: “I don’t believe in fate or destiny or whatever you said that’s going to happen to me today, Luna, and have you or Ginny seen Pansy?”

“We haven’t seen her since morning, but Draco, the Wrackspurts told me-…” Luna replied

“I’m at the restaurant now, I’ll call you later, don’t worry, I’ll call you, promise, bye Luna”

Draco doesn't believe in fate, but not until Pansy bailed on him and he met Potter again did he actually believe in it now.

Word count: 6821

Read here on ao3

A gift for @drarry-dreams uwu

____________________________

“I don’t believe in fate or destiny or whatever you said that’s going to happen to me today, Luna, and have you or Ginny seen Pansy?” Draco talked to his phone while running under the heavy rain, luckily he has got his charm on

 “We haven’t seen her since morning, but Draco, the Wrackspurts told me-…” Luna replied

 “I’m at the restaurant now, I’ll call you later, don’t worry, I’ll call you, promise, bye Luna” He reassured her, he would call her later, but not right now, because he was late

  “Hi, is my table ready?” Draco rushed in the restaurant as soon as he arrived there, his long hair was disheveled even though it was braided carefully, Luna did it, but he didn’t rush here because of the rain, he ran here because he was late to dinner with Pansy, it was their annual dinner every month to gossip about their lives, he didn’t remember how or when it started but he only knew that they still do it until now, this month Draco had found a new restaurant nearby, it took them ages to book a spot here, it got popular so quickly, the restaurant was famous for its steak and wine, and of course Draco has to have a taste of that

 “What’s your name, sir?” The small blonde girl asked him

 “It’s under the name Draco, Draco Malfoy” He said and watched the receptionist look for his name

 “Ah yes, it’s here, table for two”

 “Yes, that’s me” Draco smiled brightly and was about to step in but the receptionist stopped him

 “I’m sorry, we can’t let you sit down if your date isn’t here” The girl said and Draco gaped at her

 “What do you mean? I mean she will be here soon, and she’s not my date”

 “We’ll take you to your table once your date is here” The girl added “Our restaurant is very crowded so we can’t let you in if—…”

 “Yeah, I know, if my stupid date hasn’t arrived yet” He rolled his eyes, fine, Pansy could be considered as his date anyway, he couldn’t care less, he turned around, looking for his stupid friend, Pansy always liked to make an entrance, but they agreed they would be here at 8, now it was half past 8 and Draco hasn’t seen her yet, the cow.

      *

      “So my friend has to be here or else I won’t get in the restaurant at all?” He approached the receptionist again after five minutes, Pansy still hasn’t arrived and he was getting hungry, he hasn’t eaten all day so he could try the steak here and hell he was hungry he could eat a dragon, not that he would, but he could

 “Yes, sir, she has to be here”

 “Oh, come on, what difference does it make if you get a seat for me now or when my date gets here?”

 “Because we never have one person sitting at a table for two, sir, so when your date is here, I can find you a table” The girl explained and Draco groaned, walking away to the bar outside

 “Okay so I only need one person” Draco pulled his phone out as soon as it buzzed, Pansy was calling him

 “Pansy you cow” He snapped into his phone once he answered

 “I am so so so sorry” Pansy said “But look, I met Granger at the library today”

 “Granger? Wait, you were at the library?” He gasped “So you ditched me, your best friend, to go on a date with the one you had a crush on since Hogwarts?”

 “I’m sorry, but we bumped into each other and we talked and she agreed to go on a date with me in a few minutes, she’s like this hot lesbian nerd, Draco. Do you know how rare that is?”

 “Of course I know, I’m the hot gay nerd, Pansy” He snapped “So what now? I’ve been waiting months to eat in this restaurant”

 “I’m sorry, can I take a rain check? We can do it next time! Please? I’m so sorry, you can call Blaise or Theo” Pansy pleaded through the phone

 Draco groaned, walked through the crowd “You owe me, Pansy. And why the hell is this place so crowded?” He muttered and crashed into someone on his way through

 “Sorry sorry” He said and looked at the person he hit “Potter”

 “Potter? As in Harry Potter?” Pansy squeaked through the phone

 “Malfoy” Potter’s face was as shocked as Draco’s, both of them stood there staring at each other “What are you doing here?”

 “Pansy, I’ll have to call you back” He said and ended the call, he shoved the phone back in his pocket “What are you doing here?” Draco asked back and realised that the opportunity was representing itself in front of Draco’s eyes, his stomach growling at the thought of him finally getting to eat the steaks here “Potter, are you alone?”

 “I guess, but it’s because I’m focusing on my job and—…”

 “Shut up and hold my hand” Draco said and immediately intertwined their hands together without even thinking, he dragged Potter to the maitre d’s table and smiled

 “Hi, my date is here, can I have my table now?”

 “Yes, sir” The girl gaped a bit and led the both of them to their table

 “Malfoy”

 “Shush” He snapped and dragged Potter to their table, once they were seated there, Draco sighed out in relief

 “Er, Malfoy—…”

 “Oh, right, don’t worry, this is my treat” Draco offered “It’s for being my date”

 “Date?” Potter’s eyes widened a bit

 “Well, Pansy bailed on me to go with your friend, so it’s partly your fault too”

 “What?” Potter asked “Wait, Parkinson went with Hermione?”

 “Yeah, on a date, probably right now, and I’ve been waiting for ages to eat in this restaurant” He went on “And I will not let Pansy ruins my spot here, so, can you stay throughout the meal with me, Potter?” He pleaded with his puppy eyes

 “Er…I guess”

 “Oh god, thank you, and I know we haven’t been on the best term over the years but well, this could be a start, you know” Draco paused as soon as the waiter arrived

 “Welcome to Éclairage, my name is Jacob and I’ll be your server tonight. Are you ready to order, sir?”

 “Yes, thank you” He smiled gently and skimmed through the menu “For starter, I’d like some tomato soup, and for the main course, I’d like to try your restaurant’s famous steak, for dessert I think I’m going with the chocolate lava cake” He finally stopped and realised he just sounded like a hungry whale, ordering without considering the person in front of him, he chuckled a bit “Oh Potter, where are my manners? I’m so sorry, please, order something too”

 “Just the usual, Jacob” Potter said gently to the waiter

 “And can I get you two something to drink, sir?”

 “A bottle of Chateau Margaux 1787, and that’ll be all, thank you Jacob” Potter said and Draco’s mouth went slack, that was one of the most expensive red wine ever, he only served that to his friends on special occasion, but Potter…the pretentious git

 “Yes, Mr. Potter” The waiter nodded “I’ll be right back with your drinks” Then he walked away

 “Right, I should have known”

 “What?”

 “Famous Harry Potter” Draco smirked “Anywhere you go, people recognise you”

 “Well, it’s probably because—…”

 “And you must have gone here a lot right? Seems so” Draco crossed his arms over his chest and smiled “I’m having dinner with the big, mighty Harry Potter, I bet there’ll be an article tomorrow”

 “There will, but I don’t read the Daily Prophet anymore” Potter ran his hand through his messy hair and Draco’s breath caught, he coughed and continued

 “So, how’s the Auror life treating you, Potter?”

 “I actually quit being an Auror a year ago”

 “What? Really?” Draco leaned forward as he was shocked, he was in total shocked, Potter would actually quit being an Auror?

 “Yeah, being an Auror is quite…dangerous”

 “That’s weird coming from your mouth” Draco snorted

 “But how about you, what are you doing? I know Ron and Blaise are a couple now but Ron rarely tells me about anything except for how good of a kisser Blaise is” Potter laughed, showing his white teeth

 “You cannot imagine how many time Pansy and I had to shut Blaise up from talking about Ron too much, we basically banned him from saying Ron’s name in our house now” Draco ranted “And oh, I’m…the owner of a bookshop, it’s open for two years now”

 “That’s…amazing, you’ve always been a nerd” Potter replied

 “Sod off Potter” He snorted “What can I say, after being a Healer and seeing you too much at St. Mungo, I had to quit” He shrugged and crossed his legs

      *

       “Oh my god I’m so full” Draco took the last few bites of his steak and took a sip from his wine glass, no wonder the restaurant was famous for it, the food and the wine were bloody divine, they have been talking about their Eighth year, after the war, and normal stuff about their friends, Draco felt like it was mostly him talking, Potter was rather quiet today and he just looked at Draco eating, which was weird

 “You like it?”

 “I love it, Potter, I love it so much I could marry it” Draco moaned while chewing on the last piece of steak “God it’s so good” He kept complimenting the food and Potter chuckled “What?”

 “Nothing, you just look…quite adorable” Potter answered and Draco felt himself getting flustered by the git’s words

 “What? Shut up”

 “It’s true” Potter laughed again “You’ve always look adorable while eating, if I remember correctly”

 “You watched me?” Draco gasped, how the hell did the prat knew how Draco looked while eating?

 “Well, we did spend six years watching each other across the hall” Potter looked at him, his eyes seemed like they were hiding something…something Draco couldn’t figure out, he only knew that when those green eyes looked at him, it also stared into his soul, waking up the things he wanted to hide most…his long lost feelings for the bloody war hero

 “I-I did not spend my years watching you eat, Potter” He tried to protest but it was just failing, he knew exactly how Potter eat his food, how he was protective of his food if anyone takes some from him, how he loves treacle tarts, and how he always eats food separately, never smashed together, it was weird, Draco has always wanted to ask him why, but no time for that

 “Really? Because I remember clearly everyday when I was eating my favourite dessert, pumpkin pie, I always see you looking at me and then looked away”

 “That’s not true, your favourite dessert is treacle tart” Draco protested and immediately realised what he did as soon as Potter smiled brightly again at him

 “So it’s true”

 “Whatever, Potter, at least I did not have a crush on you or whatsoever”

 “I never mention anything about you crushing on me” Potter grinned again, and Draco felt his cheeks heating up “Did you?”

 “I—…shut up” He took another sip of wine and looked away

 “Want to play truth or dare?” Potter suddenly asked

 “Why? We’re in a restaurant”

 “For fun” Potter shrugged “Unless you’re too afraid to do it”

 “Don’t underestimate me, Potter, try me”

 “Alright, truth or dare?”

 “Truth” Draco proudly replied

 “What do you think of me?”

 “Dare” Draco flushed and switched the option

 “Okay, I dare you to say what you think of me” Potter gave him a big grin

 “You git, you tricked me” Draco frowned

 “Come on, it’s an easy one” Potter nagged him

 “Fine, I guess…you’re okay, you’re an idiot most of the time, but other times, you’re okay” He pouted “Is it my turn now?”

 “Sure, go ahead”

 “Truth or dare?”

 “Dare”

 “Ah, should have expected that from a Gryffindor” Draco chuckled and looked at Potter up and down, he was wearing a dark blue suit, it was possibly tailored and he looked dashing in it as well, wait…Potter? And dashing? No way, Draco shook the thought off instantly “Hmm, I dare you to…kiss the hottest person here” He looked around “Do you need me to find one for you? Look, that waitress there is quite hot”

 “I don’t think I swing that way anymore” Potter gave him a devilish smile and Draco’s lower part was awakened. Now? Seriously? He slapped himself mentally for getting excited by what Potter said that fast

 “You’re…oh my god” Draco said and looked around the restaurant one more time, he shrugged when he couldn’t find anyone hot for Potter to make out with “Too bad, there’s no man here as hot as me, as far as I can tell”

 “So you’re saying I should kiss you?”

 “What? No! Nonsense” Draco blushed again and reached for the wine bottle to pour himself more wine, avoiding Potter’s eyes at the same time

 “I’m a Gryffindor, you know, I won’t back out from a dare” Potter told him

 “Wait, I could find someone hotter for you” Draco searched frantically for anyone, anyone that might look hotter than him, but unfortunately, it was just a lot of old men and men that were not as attractive as Draco, and the blonde wasn’t even exaggerating

 “It’s no use, you’re the hottest here” Potter shrugged and the waiter arrived with their desserts, which Draco sighed out in relief, finally something for him to distract Potter from

 “Ooh desserts, it looks so good” Draco said and started eating, he could feel Potter’s eyes on him, the firm gaze roaming over his body, but he wouldn’t look up at the git, he couldn’t even if he wanted to, the intense gaze was burning him

 “Eat, Potter, stop staring at me” He cleared his throat and heard Potter chuckled, then he could see Potter started eating his chocolate mousse from the corner of his eyes.

 “God this piece of cake is so good” He moaned softly as he ate the marvellous cake. How could anyone make food this good? He could stay in this restaurant forever

 “You’ve always has a sweet tooth” Potter continued eating

 “What? How—…”

 “Your mother used to send you sweets all the time” This time Draco finally looked up at Potter once again, their eyes locked and the first thing Draco noticed was that Potter has chocolate on the corner of his mouth

 “Potter” He called and pointed to his own lips “You have…”

 “What? Do I have chocolate on my lips?” Potter said and stuck his tongue out to lick it but it just made the chocolate sauce went everywhere on the corner of his mouth

 “No, it’s…” He tried to demonstrate for Potter again but the git still couldn’t take it, Draco huffed and extended his arm across the table “Are you playing dumb or are you actually dumb, Potter?” He used his thumb to wipe the chocolate off but his movement stopped as soon as he felt Potter’s eyes on him again, he stared at the prat and his mouth opened slightly, he couldn’t breath all of a sudden. When did Potter look so charming? But it wasn’t like he was never charming, Potter did have his charms. Pansy had forced the blonde to admit that in Eighth Year, when Potter took off his wet shirt when a few Second Year students hit him with a water balloon on a hot day, Draco had drooled so much Pansy had to Accio a mop to clean it, not literally of course but she always exaggerated the story every time she mentioned it again just to tease Draco. Draco shook off the memory as he realised what was going on, his thumb was on Potter’s lips now and he has never seen Potter this close ever since the day he was brought back to the Manor during the war, he remembered that day clearly, of course he knew that was Potter, he just didn’t…want the git to die.

 “You look cute when you’re thinking” The voice brought him back to reality once again and he stuttered

 “W-what? I wasn’t…it’s just…shut up” He was about to retreat his hand when Potter caught him by the wrist, he jolted at the touch, Potter’s skin felt so hot. Was the git having a fever or was Draco imagining it all? Probably the second he reckoned

 “Is it over yet?”

 “What? Oh…yeah, the chocolate is all clear now” He blushed and got back on his chair, he cleared his throat and sipped on his wine “Well, I guess this is it” He wiped his mouth with the napkin and called Jacob, the waiter to prepare to pay for the meal

 “Can I have the check, please?” He asked nicely and the waiter nodded, giving him the bill

 “Just put it on my tab, Jacob” Potter said and the waiter nodded

 “Woah woah woah” He intervened and stared at Potter with wide eyes “Potter, I told you I’ll pay for this meal”

 “Yeah, I know, but—…”

 “And I will pay for this meal” He insisted “Don’t pity me, Potter, I still have money”

 “It’s not about money, Draco” Potter chuckled and the blonde didn’t know how to react, the fact that Potter just called him by his first name, and not his last, which was surprising, because that has never happened before, and Draco was shocked, he was in utter shock

 “Did you just…”

 “Call you Draco?” Potter smiled at him “I think it’s time we put the past behind us, right? Let me pay for the bill, I’m—…”

 “I don’t care that you’re the big and mighty Harry Potter, Potter” He snapped at the man in front of him “I made a promise and I will keep it, now Jacob, take my money” He looked at the confused waiter and nodded “I will pay”

 “Jacob, I’ll pay, go back to the kitchen” Potter told the waiter and he nodded, walking away

 “Potter!” He turned back and glared at the pretentious git in front of him “I can too pay for the meal”

 “Draco, listen—…”

 “No, I will not listen to you, Potter, you’ve been weird all night with the flirting and the looking and the staring and the chocolate and the stupid hair of yours” He babbled “You shut your sexy lips”

 “My what lips?” Potter began chuckling

 “Your…your silly lips, you and-and your silly lips” Draco tried to fix it but it was no use, Potter was hugging his stomach and laughing like ana idiot he was

 “Potter, stop laughing at me” He ordered and Potter finally stopped

 “Draco, are you sure I’m the only one flirting here?”

 “What? Preposterous” He protested “How could you—I would never, I—…you shut up and let me pay the bloody bill”

 “Draco—…”

 “Mr. Potter, Mrs. Tampleton is here and she wants to meet you” One of the waitress approached their table and cut Potter’s words off

 “Oh, alright, wait for me” Potter told Draco and stood up to walk to the table near the window, where a couple of old people were sitting at, Potter was laughing at an old woman in a fancy purple dress that Draco assumed was Mrs. Tampleton, next to her was an old man that was possibly her husband, Draco stared at how bright Potter’s smile was, he could light up the whole room, hell, even the whole street, Draco has always been swooned over by the bloody smile, he has to admit so. He couldn’t help thinking that this dinner with Potter could be a start of something new, probably a friendship, it was the only thing Draco wanted from Potter from the beginning, from the moment he saw him. From the boy who wore a baggy shirt that was too big for him, to a war hero at a young age, to a charming man in a suit now, and Draco’s heart was beating faster each second, because Potter was walking back to their table now, and he kept smiling at the blonde

 “Mrs. Tampleton? I haven’t seen her since my father’s party when I was seven, she still looks the same” He asked once Potter sat down again

 “Yeah, she wants to meet the owner of the restaurant” Potter shrugged and Draco nodded

 Wait a minute, what?

 “What?” He looked up at Potter, who was grinning at him “Wait…”

 “I can’t believe you didn’t know that” Potter chuckled and sipped on his wine

 “How the hell am I supposed to know that you are the owner of this restaurant?”

 “Well, I kept trying to tell you, but you cut me off every time” The git shrugged and Draco gasped

 “That’s why you pay for the bill, and that’s why the waiter and the receptionist know you”

 “Yeah” Potter nodded

 “Oh my god” Draco gasped again “Éclairage! It’s French for ‘lighting’, oh my god”

 “Yeah, Luna thought of the name” Potter replied “When I quit being an Auror, I started cooking, and I got good at it, then one day Ron said I should open a restaurant while he was eating my steak” Potter smiled, and Draco saw Potter’s small dimple on his left cheek, he blushed “Then I did…open a restaurant, I just didn’t want to reveal my name to many people, Mrs. Tampleton was my first one to eat here, she loved it so much that she has been my special guest ever since” Potter added “I’m surprised you didn’t realise earlier, I thought Blaise would mention it”

 “Yeah I also force him not to tell anything about you when he’s at my house” Draco sighed “I can’t believe you’re the bloody owner”

 “But it’s a good thing” Potter suggested “You can eat here anytime now”

 “Potter, we’re not even friends”

 “We aren’t?”

 “Well…I don’t know”

 “What are we?” Potter’s eyes twinkled “Arch enemies? School rivals? Boyfriends? Acquaintances?”

 “What’s that in the middle?” Draco almost choked on his own spit when he heard those words coming out of Potter’s mouth

 “School rivals?” Potter smiled from ear to ear, Draco glared at him and stood up

 “Well, it’s quite late, I have to go” He pushed the chair back and faked a cough, trying his best to get out of the embarrassing situation

 “Wait, I’ll walk with you” Potter called and Draco stood frozen on his spot, mumbling a curse word

 “Fine, but do try to keep up, Potter” He said and heard Potter snorted

 “I’m now taller than you, you know” He walked side by side with Potter and realised the hard truth, Potter did get taller, he was probably five or six inches taller than Draco now, the bloody prat, Draco murmured in his head. When they reached the door, Potter graciously opened it for Draco and the blonde’s cheeks went pink

 “What a gentleman, Potter” He said sarcastically to hide his sheepishness, as they walked outside, Draco noticed the rain had stopped, but the road was still wet “The Apparition point is just right down the corner, you don’t have to walk with me”

 “You know what Ron told me when he became a couple with Blaise?”

 “No, what?” He asked curiously, Potter didn’t even answer his question

 “He told me to always seize the moment, or else it’ll disappear right away, he’s suddenly wiser than Hermione when he got together with Blaise, they’re truly a good couple” Potter walked along with him closely, his hands in his pocket, Draco walked on Potter’s left, because Draco’s good side of the face was the right side, it wasn’t like his left face was ugly, it just wasn’t better than the right. The street lights were shining above them, the sound of water dropping from the trees down to the grown, and the light from the Muggle vehicle on the road, Draco suddenly felt cozy next to Potter as they walked on the sidewalk

 “Well, that’s really wise of him to say” Draco absentmindedly ran his hand through his long braided hair and accidentally picked out a flower, he chuckled “Damn, I told Luna she mustn’t put any flower in my hair”

 “I think you look beautiful”

 “I…I didn’t ask you to say it”

 “I know, I just feel like saying it” Potter shrugged, smiling like a devil he was, Draco felt his cheeks warm again so he tried to walk farther than the prat and-

 “Draco!” He heard Potter yelling and next he heard a loud beeping sound from a car horn, and the next thing he knew, he was spun around and pulled flushed against the firm chest of the particular Gryffindor prat, then he heard the sound of water splashing, and he closed his eyes, afraid that he would get wet, but surprisingly, he was dry.

 Oh.

 “Potter” He whispered and Potter loosened his embrace on Draco a bit, he looked up at the prat and couldn’t speak a thing, because they were being so close again. Did Potter actually use himself as a shield to protect Draco so he wouldn’t get wet? Why did he have to be such a bloody hero every time?

 “I saw the puddle and the car, so…” Potter looked down at him and for the first time ever, he saw Potter blushed. And hell he was falling for the prat again. How many times have Draco became angry because Potter arrived at St. Mungo injured? How many times have Draco secretly wish he could get over the face that made him have wet dreams almost every day when they were in Eighth Year? How many times have Draco felt like crying because Potter went out to kill fight the Dark Lord over and over again? How many times have Draco’s heart skipped a beat when Potter smiled? It wasn’t time for him to feel shy, it wasn’t time for him to put his pride and ego at the front, it was rather time for him to do what he should have done many years ago but he just didn’t have the guts to.

 “Potter, ask me truth or dare” He said, their bodies still flushed against each other, a few strands of hair fell down to Draco’s face

 “Truth or dare?” Potter asked softly, green eyes stared into his

 “Truth, ask me what I want to do now” He replied, determination in his words

 “What do you want to do now?”

 “I want you to finish the dare I gave you earlier” He finished and took a shaky breath

 “Draco”

 “Just shut up and kiss me” Draco pulled Potter’s collar and smashed their lips together, and fuck it felt divine, his body shivering from the sensation, from Potter’s tongue on his bottom lip, and when he opened his mouth, he could taste what Potter had eaten earlier, he could feel the light shining on both of them even though he closed his eyes, he could hear the sounds of cars driving by, but above all, he could felt Potter’s arms around his torso, hugging him, embracing him, his hands on Potter’s collar loosened and he wrapped his arms around Potter’s body, the git’s back was completely wet from the earlier accident, but he couldn’t care less. Draco let out a gasp when Potter grabbed his arse, fuck, those hands would feel amazing when Potter fingers him. The prat cupped Draco’s face and deepened the kiss, but just as they were about to take it to another level and fuck right on this street, Draco heard another car horn

 “Merlin’s fuck” He yelped and jumped away, breaking the kiss off when another car had passed by and splashed water on both of them again, this time it got on Draco’s arms that were on Potter’s back. He locked eyes with the Gryffindor for the million times throughout the night and smirked, knowing that he had just felt Potter’s hard on from his trousers while they were kissing and knew that they were both just excited about this, and god he wanted to feel that inside him right away, he grabbed Potter’s wrists and led him to the Apparition point

 “Pansy’s out tonight, probably shagging your best friend Granger right now, so she won’t be back until morning” He suggested “So…want to have another dessert at my flat?”

 “Only if the dessert is you” Potter pulled the blonde flushed against his broad chest and Draco laughed

 “You idiot, it was already emphasised” And with that, they Apparated away with a loud pop.

       *

       “Your house looks so nice” Potter said as he walked in Draco’s house with him

 “The light is on…weird” Draco mumbled and yelled when he saw two figures on the couch

 “Oh my god Pansy!” His voice went high and Pansy jolted, breaking off her kiss with Granger

 “Draco! Why are you here?”

 “Why are you here?” Draco snapped back at his friend

 “Harry” Granger pushed her hair behind her ear and pushed her skirt down to where they belong since Pansy’s hand was under there just a few seconds ago, her face redder than Ron’s hair

 “Mione” Harry said, his cheeks flushed, it must be weird for him to see his best friend like this, not Draco, Draco was used to it

 “Well this is awkward” Pansy said and Hermione nudged her, Pansy stood up and pulled Draco to the kitchen counter

 “I want the house for tonight” Pansy said

 “No way! I want it” Draco snapped

 “I got here first”

 “Well you can do it at Granger’s house”

 “And you can do it at Potter’s” Pansy argued with him and Draco sighed, fine, he could do it anywhere, as long as it was with Potter

 “Fine! You owe me two times now” He glared at her and walked to Harry’s spot

 “Harry”

 “Yeah?”

 “Can we go to your house...? Pansy and…she wants to…”

 “Do it with my best mate here” Harry chuckled and nodded, extending his hand “Side Along?”

 “Okay” He said and intertwined their hands together

 “Bye” Pansy said along with Granger, Draco nodded and waved them goodbye before he Apparate away with Harry again

       *

       “So…er, do you want anything to drink?” Harry said as soon as they were in his living room, Draco nodded, suddenly it felt too awkward, he felt shy, why did he feel shy?

 “Wine is good” He said and Harry turned around to open his kitchen cabinet, pulling out two wine glasses, but before he poured the wine out, he took off his jacket, and Draco felt butterflies in his stomach, how could a man just take off what he wears and looked so hot doing it? Draco turned around, looking around the house, he hasn’t been in the Grimmauld Place since he was a kid, being back here just brought him memories, and not good ones, Aunt Walburga was kind of a bitch, Draco shrugged off his long jacket and draped it over the couch

 “Harry” He jolted when a pair of arms snaked around his torso and he was being pulled back

 “You’re so beautiful” Harry mumbled into his ear and pressed a kiss on Draco’s cheek, the blonde leaned back to get more friction, but he was spun around, he grabbed Harry’s biceps as a reflex and couldn’t react when Harry kissed him, and oh he missed it, he felt like he could be kissed by Harry forever and ever and ever…and ever. The kiss became frantic as the both of them began unbuttoning each other’s clothes, Harry’s hands trailed down to grab Draco’s arse and the blonde gasp, breaking off the kiss because Harry was squeezing his bottom like a bouncy ball

 “Harry” He moaned and heard a low growl that wasn’t his, Draco let out a loud yelp when he was pushed onto the couch “Ow! You brute”

 “Oh god, I’m sorry, are you okay?” Harry suddenly became so caring and soft, he touched Draco’s head and kept rubbing it gently, it didn’t hurt that much but Harry was definitely making it all better anyway

 “You’re a dork” He chuckled “I’m fine, I was just being dramatic”

 “Are you really okay?” Harry asked again and Draco pulled him close

 “Now listen to me very carefully, Harry James Potter, I have been waiting to be fucked by you for a decade now, I’m not getting any younger” Draco leaned up and mumbled into Harry’s ear “We’re not getting any younger”

 “Fuck” was all Harry said, soon Draco was attacked by the git’s kiss again, this time it was hotter. Harry quickly pulled the last piece of Draco’s clothes off and stopped for a moment

 “What are you waiting for?” Draco stared up at Harry but the git stayed still, his eyes roaming all over the blonde’s body

 “I’m just…watching the masterpiece, fuck you’re beautiful” Harry smiled and bent down to kiss him again, their body flushed, but Draco pushed him back again

 “Why do you still have your trousers on?” He arched an eyebrow and pointed to the bulge on Harry’s jeans “Come on, take it off” Draco felt like they were talking too much and the fucking part still hasn’t come yet, was this even foreplay?

 “Holy—…Potter” Draco gaped when Harry took off his boxer, Harry Potter was hung, he smirked proudly “I knew it”

 “You knew?”

 “I have a talent for it” Draco shrugged and pulled Harry by the neck down, their kiss was less frantic and more chaste now, Harry broke the kiss off and began kissing Draco’s jawline, and the kisses were trailed down lower, to Draco’s neck, to his pulse point, to his collarbone and to his sensitive nipples, Draco moaned when Harry licked and sucked on it. Even though the Gryffindor was teasing Draco’s upper body, he could still feel Harry’s hand slithering down and was circling his now lubed entrance. When did that happen exactly? He couldn’t remember, because Draco couldn’t even think right now, not when Harry had pushed another finger in and scissoring Draco

 “Wait woah hey” Draco frowned when Harry suddenly pulled his fingers out “Why are y—…”

 “Get on your hands and knees” Harry ordered, his eyes filled with lust, and Draco found himself yearning for more, the domination, the power that Harry has, Draco wanted it, so he obeyed, the blonde turned and got on his knees, he put his elbows down on the arm of the couch, knowing perfectly what Harry was going to do next

 “I know you’re going to say I’m beautiful again so just do what you want now, Potter” He rolled his eyes when he felt Harry was about to speak

 “I was actually going to say your arse are beautiful” Harry chuckled and grabbed his globes, spreading them apart, Draco felt Harry ghosting his breath over his hole, then something wet breached through his entrance and Draco arched his back, he leaned forward and moaned loudly

 “Holy fuck, Harry” He gripped on the arm of the couch for his life, because Harry’s tongue was doing something so sinful to Draco, so so so sinful. Harry kept rimming him, his hands pried Draco’s arse apart, going in deeper, the blonde whined, asking for more

 “Oh god, Harry” Draco cried out when two fingers were pushed in, Harry kissed Draco’s back and trailed the kisses up to his neck, while his fingers were still inside Draco

 “I’ll take good care of you” Harry kissed the spot behind Draco’s ears and pulled his fingers out. Draco almost forgot how big Harry was until he felt the head began pushing inside

 “Oh wow, oh holy w-woah” Draco leaned forward as Harry pushed in, Merlin it was huge, he dropped his head and moaned, Harry wrapped an arm around his torso and pulled him flushed against his chest, also pulling him from falling off the couch, Draco felt warm at the action

 “Faster god damn it Harry!” He urged the man and Harry obeyed, slamming in with forceful thrusts, earning loud moans from Draco’s mouth, he was pretty sure the couch was moving and shaking from it. Harry ran his hand through Draco’s long hair and pulled back a bit, causing Draco to whine and opened his mouth, Harry took the chance and kissed the blonde, plunging his tongue deep inside as he thrusted into Draco at the same time. Draco has never felt so aroused before, his skin was burning from the sensation, sweats were forming on his forehead. Draco moaned when Harry tweaked the blonde’s sensitive nipple, making him break the kiss off

 “Harry oh god please please please” He wailed, his knees have gone weak, every thrust Harry made, he could feel it deep in him, he could feel everything, Harry’s cock hitting at his prostate constantly, then he felt another hand that wasn’t his, trailing down to his untouched prick, Harry started stroking him and that was all it took to get Draco to come like he has never before. The blonde cried out, shooting everywhere on the couch, Draco’s hole twitched and that made Harry came too, his body jerking above Draco, he shuddered and came inside the blonde. Draco’s elbow went down and he collapsed on the arm of the couch, Harry still above him.

 “Fuck, that was…”

 “Shut up, Potter” He replied

 “What about Harry?”

 “You caught me at my weakest moment” He lied and heard the git chuckled, bending down to kiss Draco on his cheek

 “Want to move to the bedroom?”

 “I’m tired, carry me” He said and gasped when Harry pulled out, he suddenly felt empty inside “Harry!”

 “You told me to carry you” Harry rolled the blonde around, carrying him up in bridal style, Draco wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck to secure himself, feeling unable to hide his smile, he carried Draco up the stairs and they did it quietly, Draco spent the whole time staring at his face. Harry didn’t change much, he just got…more mature, his eyes were still as green as ever, his smile was still bright, his lips was still so…kissable, his jawline was so sharp that Draco’s fingers were touching it unconsciously, his finger trailed from Harry’s ear, down to his sharp jaw, and down to the veins on his neck, Harry turned his head and looked down at Draco

 “If I’m not wrong, I’d say you’re smitten with me, Malfoy”

 “You wish, Potter” Draco snorted, but his hand kept touching Harry’s face, he was just simply…godlike, beautiful, and touching it now made Draco feel like he was blessed, they locked eyes like that until…

 “Ow! Potter!” He yelped loudly when his head hit the wall to Harry’s bedroom door

 “Oh god I’m so sorry” Harry laughed “I was…distracted by your face” He added and put Draco down on the bed gently, the git sat down on the side of the bed and rubbed Draco’s head “Does it hurt?”

 “Yes it bloody hurts, Potter” He frowned

 “Do you want me to kiss the pain away?” Harry suggested while chuckling

 “I’m not five, Potter” He pouted

 “Are you sure?” Harry smiled and bent down, planting a soft kiss on the sore spot on Draco’s head, the blonde bit his lips to stop himself from smiling “One more?”

 “Sod off, Potter” He said and Harry bent down to kiss the blonde’s head again

 “One more?” Harry asked and Draco finally looked at him, the git was grinning like a real prat, but Draco kind of like it, made him felt like a kid all over again

 “Five more and I’ll forgive you” He crossed his arms over his chest and looked away, Harry sniggered but still bent down to give Draco a kiss on his head, then a kiss on his forehead, then he lowered down to plant two kiss on either side of Draco’s cheeks, then he cupped the blonde’s face and gave him one last kiss on his lips

 “You’re such a sap” He mumbled when they broke off the kiss

 “You made me this way, don’t you want to pay for what you did?”

 “What do you want?”

 “How about…a trillion kisses from you?” Harry’s eyes gleamed and Draco let out a laugh

 “Greedy, aren’t you?” Draco asked, pulling Harry down to connect their lips once again as an answer, because he’d want to give a trillion kisses to Harry too, the git was an excellent kisser anyway, it almost seemed that what Luna had said about fate was true, and for once he believed in it.

     The End.

[pellicano-sanguino]

Read this lesbian retelling of romance between Guinevere and Lancelot. It’s ok. Wish I could have liked it more, but due to some personal preferences I found it a bit underwhelming.

I like Arthurian legends and chivalric romances, and I like the story of Guinevere and Lancelot. Yes, I’m very much aware most people think it’s a story done to death and Lancelot is considered a boring Mary Sue. I make no attempt to hide the fact that the 2011 Takarazuka musical about the subject is like 98% of the reason I like the story. 

I can’t read about Lasse and not picture Makaze Suzuho in a silvery leather overalls armor.

The story is being told in first perspective, from Lasse’s point of view (now my nickname for Lancelot is truly fitting, because in this story she is a lass, heh heh). This is just a personal preference, but I don’t like this style. I prefer to see the story objectively, now Lasse passes her own judgment and opinion on everything and I can’t help but feel that it’s limiting. Also, damn does Lasse self monologue in a weird, cryptic manner. I know Arthurian myths aren’t known as stories grounded in reality and I know poetic language is to be expected. But sometimes Lasse’s thought process is hard to follow and she just says plain weird things. I get flashbacks to Rose of Versailles and Andre spewing out some nonsense about his love becoming a fossil encased in amber.

I do wonder if the writer is into Wicca or paganism, because there’s some pretty heavy anti-christian pro-paganism messages in the book. Lasse holds great respect for the old religion and one of the reasons she doesn’t like Arthur is because he is a Christian king. Which, for storytelling purposes, is understandable. The way Christianity wiped out the pagan religions of Europe by swordpoint (convert or have your head cut off) is a tragedy that isn’t often talked about (because there are other, more violent examples of forcibly spreading Christianity that tend to get the spotlight more). Of course Lasse, who was raised by Lady of Lake, a creature of old myths, would resent having this new religion replace all the ancient wisdoms she’d been taught and seeing the new faith shamelessly slap their holidays over the pagan festivals. 

The clash of these religions is an interesting part of world building. But Lasse’s view of the old religion as something sacred and flawless and perfect is naive and childish. It’s like reading the thoughts of someone who was brainwashed by a cult at a young age and so is incapable of finding faults in the doctrine or criticizing anything related to the practices. Pagan religions could (and often would) be used as a tool of power and be rooted in the same harmful ideas as Christianity. For a woman, it makes no difference if the one commanding her to “know her natural place” was a patriarchal male God or a sacred pagan Goddess, her freedom to choose for herself is still being taken away by a religion who wishes to control her. 

Lasse is secretly being raised as a boy, Rose of Versailles style. This means that once she is maturing, she must go through “an initiation ritual” meant for boys. This ritual? A fucking date rape. They make her drink some sort of drug or love potion and then provide a woman for her to sleep with so she can “become a man.” Once Lasse sobers up, she feels awful about what happened. And yet, even in this moment, realizing that she was drugged and made to have sex she didn’t want, she will not question the old religion. She will not criticize this disgusting practice, believing that though unpleasant, it must have been necessary for her to become adult. Yeah no, I’m sorry, but whenever religions start including sex in their rituals and pressure people into participating, a siren starts wailing in my head CUUUUUUUULLLLTTT! IT’S A FUCKING SEX CULT! GET THE MINORS OUT NOW!

I was happy, that the drugged rape doesn’t get described in detail. Sex is never described in detail in this book. In a way, I can see a scene where Lasse gets drugged to have sex could be a nod to the begetting of Galahad (which obviously won’t be happening in this version of the story). But still, I would have greatly appreciated if there hadn’t been a rape scene at all. The only kind of sex scenes I want in my books are the Sober and Enthusiastic Consent ones.

I once saw someone make a post that Lancelot and Gawain are the Arthurian version of Team Edward/Team Jacob. I must say, there’s a seed of truth in here. When you have a story where Gawain is the best knight and main character, Lasse tends to be painted as a selfish adulterous asshole who ruins everything, and when you have a story where Lasse is the leading role and painted as super virtuous, Gawain tends to gear up his negative traits. It’s like you can’t have both of them be likable at the same time. In this book, Gawain (and a whole bunch of other knights) get the asshole makeover treatment. Well, Gawain and Lasse do end up becoming friends but Gawain doesn’t stop being a jerkface and doesn’t really deserve Lasse’s friendship (If someone called my mother a whore, I would simply not forgive and befriend them. Rip to Lasse, but I actually care about my mother more than I do about some entitled dudebro.). I find this kind of writing a little lazy, making other characters pointlessly rude just so the main character looks better in comparison.

Ok, I’ve talked about the parts I didn’t like. Here’s some things I liked.

The book is illustrated. The art isn’t particularly fancy, but I liked it. I wish more books had illustrations, not just the books for kids.

The relationship between Lasse and Guinevere begins in their childhood, before Gwen is married to Arthur. I prefer love stories that give the characters a long period of time to develop their feelings for each other (as opposed to stories of them falling in love overnight Romeo&Juliet style). Also, it reminded me of the zuka musical.

Another thing I liked is that the relationship between Gwen and Lasse isn’t adulterous. They are very much in love with each other, but they won’t have sex. I would have forgiven them if they did, since Gwen didn’t have any say in her marriage and so it turned out a loveless political marriage. It’s a whole different thing to romanticize cheating and to understand that women in forced marriages had no other choice but to seek love of someone who loved her as a person, not as a moneybag. But Lasse and Gwen are virtuous, so they are above such thinking. When she married Arthur, Gwen made a promise to be faithful to him, and despite not loving him, she will not break this promise. Well, not until Arthur divorces her in favor of the False Guinevere.

Which brings me to the thing I probably liked the most - Gwen has an evil twin. And no, this isn’t the writer slapping some modern trope over a classic tale, this is a genuine legend. There are stories where Guinevere has a sister who seeks to replace her. Seeing a lesser known legend get adapted brought a smile to my face. We can tell a story of Gwen and Lasse without using the same old stories of Grail quest and abduction of Guinevere. It was fascinating. 

Once the False Guinevere has convinced Arthur that she is the real queen, Gwen is cast out (well, after Lasse has to fight for her honour to save her from death penalty). Lasse and Gwen travel to Galehaut’s place (a friend of Lasse’s) and there, freed from her promise, Gwen finally has sex with Lasse. And only now, very close to the end of the book, is it revealed that Lasse is actually a woman. Saving this plot twist to so near the end feels a bit unnecessary, because I’m pretty sure 9 out of 10 people who buy this book already know about it and, much like me, bought the book exactly because of it. I can’t really imagine there being very many who managed to get to the end and actually be surprised.

The book kinda has a happy ending, but that’s partly because it ends before shit hits the fan re: Mordred. Mordred is in the book, but he’s only discussed about, never seen. There’s plenty of hints and foreshadowing that Arthur’s reign will come to a violent end some day. But the book leaves that to our imagination.

This is a decent book. If you’re into women and chivalric romance, go for it. But if you prefer a love story with more overtly sensual take on the intimate scenes, you might be happier with some other book, this one is very chaste. Also, you have to be willing to only see the story from Lasse’s perspective, and you have to be ok with Gawain being a prick. But all in all, it’s not a bad read. 

[nebulous-frog]

Not-So-Straight Best Friends

Summary: Based off this post from @pseudophan. Basically, what if Dan and Phil really were queerbaiting us this whole time but suddenly they realized they were in love?

Word Count: 1832

Genre: Getting Together, AU, crack!fic (ish? idek man)

Warnings: Vague descriptions of queerbaiting, swearing, dumbassery, first kiss... honestly idek

Author’s Note: I literally just wrote this in like. An hour or something? Hour and a half? on my phone and then found my laptop to post it. Not entirely sure what this is, pretty sure I was possessed when I started writing, but now we’re here I guess lmao

Link to AO3 Fics Masterlist

When Dan and Phil first started talking, it was because Dan genuinely wanted editing tips from Phil.

They pretended they became friends after that from a shared interest in Muse, but it really wasn’t anything like that. Instead, their friendship formed from a shared love of sports. The first time they met each other in person, they went out for beers at a pub in Manchester and then kicked a football around at Phil’s place. They didn’t hug, they didn’t have an emotional moment. They did a manly handshake and carried on. That night, Dan slept on the floor, a respectful, definitely-straight, no-homo-possible distance from Phil.

Years down the line, they wouldn’t remember whose idea it was. Dan would suggest it was Phil’s, since Phil was the one who knew about publicity already, but Phil would suggest it was Dan’s, since he was so keen on being friends in the first place. Whoever started it, they had long ago decided to pretend to be in a relationship that they were intentionally hiding from their audiences.

They created imaginary stories and scenarios and sent them out to the public, watching as their fans ate up every last bit of the fake relationship.

It was all an elaborate ruse to keep fans invested and draw in a wider audience. They even made their personas intentionally nerdy to really grasp the attention of a specific demographic.

To really sell it, they went on a few holidays together and tweeted about each other all the time. Eventually, they moved in together, partly maintain the shady lie.

But it wasn’t all a lie. They really were best friends and did everything together, just as any other guy best friends would do. They knew each other’s favorite athletes, attended sporting events together, played wingman for each other (whenever possible, that is; they had to be careful so no fan would see them dating or flirting with someone else).

And so it went for years. Dan and Phil hid their true sports-loving lad personalities from the internet successfully, even going so far as to act differently around friends so they wouldn’t accidentally let it slip. They were content with this, too. It made them money and people looked up to them, respected them, loved them. It was everything they’d ever wanted.

Except it wasn’t.

Dan was totally straight, of course. Of course. But he couldn’t help but admire Phil’s physique. He’d stopped exercising quite so much a long time ago to help with the nerdy image, but his arms were toned in just the right way for a camera not to notice. Plus, it wasn’t like Phil ever took his shirt off on camera. His abs were killer. The only reason they made Dan feel weak was because he literally wasn’t as strong as Phil. Right? Right.

And then Phil started asking Dan to play wingman more often.

“Come on,” he’d whine. “I haven’t gotten laid in ages and you’re such a good wingman.”

And Dan would feel his jaw clench, his hands twitch. “No,” he’d say. “I don’t want to.”

“I’ll buy your drinks, though,” Phil would promise.

Dan would scoff and shake his head.

“Why are you being such a dick?” Phil would accuse with a glare.

And so it went, over and over until Dan finally agreed to just do it already so Phil would quit bothering him.

They went out to a higher-end bar to avoid fans. The lighting was dim and the music was loud to encourage closeness, but Dan just found it annoying. He wanted to go home.

Not long after they arrived and got their beers, Phil bumped Dan’s arm with his own.

“Look at her, over by the loo. Wavy brown hair.”

Rolling his eyes, Dan turned his head to find the girl in question. He could see why Phil had noticed her. Her crop top showed off a flat stomach and her short shorts showed off long legs stuffed into knee-high stiletto boots. Her pale skin shone through the darkness of the bar. Dan turned back to his drink.

“You gonna go talk to her or do I have to?” Dan asked, voice betraying no emotion as he raised his beer to his lips.

“Well, obviously you have to. You’re my wingman, remember? Go talk me up.”

Dan sighed through his nose, too quiet for Phil to hear, and downed the rest of his drink in one.

“Here goes,” he said with a nod at Phil. He crossed the room to stand in front of the girl Phil fancied, thoughts racing with every step. The closer he got, the more repulsed he was by this whole plan. All he had to do was talk to her but that was supposed to get Phil laid and Dan suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He didn’t like the idea of Phil sleeping with some strange girl. Come to think of it, he didn’t like the idea of Phil sleeping with anybody. Well. Anyone but one specific person…

Dan stopped a few feet from the girl, eyes wide. He didn’t want to do this. He wouldn’t do this, he couldn’t possibly. It would break his heart, right as he’d finally discovered how it beat. He sized the girl up once more, then turned to look at Phil, who was nonchalantly leaning up against the bar and pretending not to pay attention. Phil would be so pissed, but Dan couldn’t help it. He had to do what had to be done.

He crossed the last few steps towards the girl.

“Hey, that guy over there? Black hair, quiff?”

The girl looked disinterestedly over his shoulder at Phil. “Yeah, what about him?” she asked, clearly suspicious.

“He’s got…” Dan grasped for an excuse- “he’s got chlamydia.”

The girl wrinkled her nose. “Sucks to be him, then.” Then she stalked away, boots clicking on the tiled floor as she walked out the door.

Moments later, Phil appeared at Dan’s elbow.

“The hell was that? You’re usually so good!” he asked, perplexed.

Dan fought the blush threatening to creep onto his cheeks at the compliment and scrambled for an explanation. “She- uh- she said she’s a lesbian.”

Phil frowned. “Oh. Guess it wasn’t meant to be, then.”

“Guess not,” Dan agreed with a pitying nod. “Alright, let’s go home, then. We’ll try another night.”

Phil’s brow scrunched up and Dan had to fight the desperate urge to rub away the wrinkles on his forehead.

“Give up after only one failure? No way, Howell, we’re not going home tonight until one of us gets fucked.”

Dan sighed again. He wasn’t really in the mood for getting fucked, at least, not by anyone who wasn’t Phil.

The realization hit him like a train again, but he had no time to recover as Phil grabbed his arm and pulled him back to the bar so they could scout their options once more.

Phil sent Dan out to try three more girls, and each time Dan purposefully botched the interactions.

Finally, a defeated Phil agreed to give up for the night.

Life continued on as normal for the two of them for a while as Dan desperately tied to figure out what to do with himself. His jealousy had awakened feelings inside himself that he’d never expected to feel and suddenly he wasn’t quite as straight as he thought he was and being around Phil was simultaneously too much and not enough.

He was in love with his best friend. His straight best friend, who he half-pretended to be in love with.

God, it was complicated.

Every little thing Phil did would send butterflies racing through Dan’s digestive system or blood rushing to places it ought not be rushing to and Dan was having a very hard time coping with his body doing all of that all at once and could Phil be a little less sexy for two minutes?

He was a goddamn mess, basically.

And then there came a day when he just couldn’t take it anymore.

They were playing FIFA together and nothing in particular caused it but Phil laughed at something Dan said and he looked so pretty and suddenly there it was.

“I love you.”

Dan’s eyes widened. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud to Phil, not ever, and here he had. Shit, what could he do? What should he do? Play it off as a joke? The thought of turning something so serious, so heartfelt, so real into a joke was almost too much to bear-

Phil snorted. “Yeah, of course, I love you, too.”

In a split second, Dan realized he couldn’t keep living like this. He had to come clean.

“No, really.” He paused the game, ignoring Phil’s protests but refusing to meet his eyes. “I love you but, like, not work-related.”

He was met with a deafening silence. The tension was killing him, so he forced himself to look up at Phil.

Shock, confusion, and something unnameable played in his expression, his jaw dropped open and eyes searching Dan’s face. Dan had expected anger, disgust, betrayal maybe, but this was very different. He thought he’d known every possible expression Phil could make after being friends and living together for so long, but this was something new and unexpected and frightening but the tiniest bit exciting, as well.

The seconds crawled by until finally Phil shut his mouth with a soft clop and his eyes stopped their searching, landing on Dan’s mouth. Time stopped then, and then suddenly Phil’s lips were on Dan’s and hands were grabbing and feeling and wandering and Dan felt dizzy with it all when Phil pulled back a few seconds later, eyes wide again and his hands still buried in Dan’s curls.

“I’ve never done that before,” he blurted. “Kissed a guy, I mean. I’ve never felt like this before, either, though, so I guess it makes sense that it would make me do things I’d never done. What the hell is wrong with me? This is insane-“

Dan’s heart sank. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, I understand you don’t feel the same-“

Phil’s lips were on his again and Dan let out a squeak and then a moan as Phil took his bottom lip between his teeth and pulled.

“Sorry, you were getting the wrong idea,” Phil hurried to say when he properly pulled back, hands still in Dan’s curls and holding him in place so he couldn’t chase after Phil’s lips like he so desperately wanted to. “I love you, too, not work-related. Well, I mean, sort of work-related because that’s how I fell in love with you and why I thought this would never happen and wanted a distraction and-“

Now it was Dan’s turn to interrupt Phil.

“We’ve wasted enough time already, don’t you think?” Dan gasped when he broke the kiss.

“I guess you’re right,” Phil replied. “Carry on, then.”

And “carry on” they did.

[spaceorphan18]

I'd love to hear more of your thoughts re: 23, how Chris' artistic choices were mistaken for apathy. I apologize if you go into this in your meta (which I didn't realize you were finished with and I'm SUPER excited to jump into!) -- clearly you're acknowledging that there is some sort of shift in Kurt's character. I think he's noticeably not as into the "Klaine" relationship and I just assumed it was because Chris was over Glee at that point. What do you think?

Okay - so yeah, I do get into it within the meta - so if you want super specifics - it’s there.  You think a scene looks off? Go check what I have to say - cause I’m sure I’ve tried to hit every complaint.  

So - first of all, though, I need to say this - there’s this habit of -- hey this scene isn’t the be all and end all of everything I wanted it to be -- especially after I’ve been spoiled about it.  And I do think /that/ plays into it.  

And yes, I do think Chris was getting tired of the show, but so was everyone else.  And I feel like it’s disingenuous to saddle him as being the one checked out when I think everyone had their moments - especially the last few seasons after they’re all dealing with the tragic early death of a friend and coworker.  But I also think once an actor says admits that (and Chris did) -- people jump on to every little thing not quite up to their personal standards and declares that it’s Chris not being into it.  

And quite frankly - it does frustrate me a little bit.  Cause no other actor gets as much scrutiny for it, and I really don’t think that it’s fair -- especially when there were other actors who had lackluster moments, too...   

I also think that, as a fandom, we micro-analyze these scenes and sometimes forget the bigger picture of what’s going on -- and we did that especially in season 5 when we weren’t sure what was going on with season 6, and I feel like once we have the whole picture - a lot of Chris’s acting choices actually make more sense (to me).  

I also believe Chris is professional enough to do his job, too...  

There is another huge thing I’d like to point out -- Darren, when talking about his time on Versace, mentioned that a lot of time, performances are shaped by directing and editing - and when he watched Versace, he felt like there pieces missing (cause they had to cut them out) and that some of his process wasn’t shone.  

And that clicked with me.  An actor’s performance is only one part of it.  There’s direction - what the actors are specifically /told/ to do, and then editing - where other people piece together what we see and create a performance out of what they’re given.  And I think a lot of times - things were edited together weirdly, tbh.  But I think it’s important to remember that someone’s acting/performance isn’t the full picture - and that there are other factors that go into creating a show.  

That said -- some specifics...  

I haven’t heard of many complaints about Chris’s acting until the end of season 4 - if there’s another, earlier moment you’d like to know more about, I’d suggest checking the meta.  I probably won’t get into this again because people get super wanky easily over this - and I’m just a little tired of it, tbh.  

1. The Lesbian/Breadstix scene of All or Nothing (4x22) - So.  First of all, this is an editing issue more than a performance issue.  If you look at a lot of the over the shoulder shots, or shots when Kurt’s very off to the side - you can see him smiling happily at Blaine.  Kurt wasn’t dismissive of Blaine at all - but because of the editing wanting to keep Kurt’s inner thoughts more of a mystery (because of the ending cliffhanger) they didn’t show the times when Kurt seemed to be having a good time.  Plus - they’re with strangers, and Kurt isn’t exactly the most open person when people he doesn’t know.  Plus also - the point of this scene isn’t about Klaine’s relationship, it’s about LGTB rights and the lesbians getting engaged.  

I know I go on about this scene in the meta - so I do suggest you check that out for more details.  

2. In Love Love Love, Chris’s acting is spot on - and I see absolutely zero issues.  He’s completely checked in and plays Kurt masterfully here.  People don’t complain about LLL - I’m just bringing it up because I feel like that Chris hits the major Klaine moments out of the ballpark every time.  

3. Movin’ Out - in general there was grumbling about the Klaine stuff, but again, I don’t see the issue.  Their one real scene together was awkwardly staged, but I see no issue with the acting in the scene.  And it’s not Chris’s fault there wasn’t a scripted kiss there.  **shrugs**

4. Mid-season 5 - did people have problems with Kurt’s acting during this? Did people notice? I feel like people only seem to have issues when it’s directly connected to Blaine, and that doesn’t feel fair.  

My only issue with Puppet Master is that they didn’t have a final scene for Klaine to reconnect and be over the conflict - but Glee is bad about those kind of things. 

Other than that...  ??  

I personally have an issue with Previously Unaired Christmas, but only because they never wrote Kurt to be that flirty and up on Blaine.  That’s not Chris’s fault either.  

5. The New York Arc - So, for detailed info, I really suggest the meta, cause I go super into Kurt’s headspace and defend Chris’s choices here a lot.  the tl;dr version -- 

Kurt’s not in a good place in general - partly cause of Finn’s death, partly cause he’s not ready to be married, partly because he’s constantly surrounded by an onslaught of people who are very much about them, partly cause he feels like his career isn’t going anywhere.  Kurt’s in a sad place through most of the arc - which leads to the break up.  

Kurt’s far more irritated and annoyed by Rachel than he ever is with Blaine throughout the arc

When Kurt was supposed to be happy with Blaine he was -- and I didn’t see any issues with Chris’s acting there.  

I know people have issues with the end of Tested - but that was definitely acting choice/direction over performance/actor bleed - and I go way into in the meta.  

I find there’s only one real bad Klaine scene - and that’s their first scene in the Back Up Plan - but its a) a badly written scene and b) It’s Darren whom I find off in it, tbh.  

I do agree that we should have seen more downtime/happier moments to balance out the drama - glee’s writers dropped the ball on that.  

And -- in season 3 we were used to the background moments of Klaine because that’s all we got... but now they’re front and center, we didn’t get background moments the same way.  Personally, I prefer the story and the conflict and the growth, and while yes, I think we could have used some more minor moments, I don’t think we got nothing? Nor do I think Chris was purposely pulling away in what we did see - or least in my own interpretation.  

6. I have zero issues with season six Kurt.  Chris totally knocked the whole thing out of the park, so I have no idea what people’s issues are during that season.  I mean - I kinda understand the lack of feeling married post the Wedding episode - but that was due to the story telling issues and the show not focusing on them as characters /at all/.  I think the finale was fine? 

7. As for Kurt, the character, not seeming as invested in Blaine?? Ug - Kurt loves Blaine.  It’s there, I promise, it really is.  There’s never an instance in the show where I thought - huh, Kurt seems like he doesn’t love Blaine anymore.  Not even during the break ups.  Whether you believe Chris’s acting choices were valid or not - the writing was always there when it came to Kurt loving Blaine. And yeah, I’d have loved to have seen more of it.  But it is there... I spend most of my meta analyzing time talking about it, lol. 

Do I think Chris was 100% on all the time? No - but no actor is.  But I ultimately think that most of the bigger complaints I’ve seen over the years are more from purposeful acting choices during season 5 than Chris being unprofessional.  Hey - if you just don’t see it that way, that’s fine, I’m not going to try to convince you otherwise.  But I really do wish people would go back and watch the full thing with an open mind before outright dismissing or judging it.  

**shrugs**

[comicteaparty]

June 29th-July 5th, 2019 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from June 29th, 2019 to July 5th, 2019.  The chat focused on the following question:

Whether intentional or not, what would you say is the central theme of your comic?

snuffysam

The central theme of Super Galaxy Knights Deluxe R http://sgkdr.thecomicseries.com/comics/ is, to put it in a word, acceptance. Accepting that you can't change the past, accepting that you can't control everything that happens in your life, accepting that other people come from different walks of life and experience different hardships from you, accepting that you can't change other people's hearts, and learning to accept yourself even when others don't accept you.

Attila Polyák

The story of Tales of Midgard https://talesofmidgard.com/comic/book-1-cover-page/ does have a central theme, but most of the story mostly follows events that allow the exploration of the world. That said... If you look at it closely you'll notice that the story does involve themes about free will and the results and consequences of an actions taken.

Respheal

Kinda hit me just now that the central theme of Galebound (http://www.galebound.com/) might be "real change comes from a place of love, not hate". Basically, even if you have "good" goals, trying to achieve those goals from a position of hatred will just destroy everything around you, while doing something because of love elevates everything. Also row row fight the power(edited)

Jonny Aleksey

The Undefeatable J-Man ( http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/thelatestpage ) So when I starting writing up the series years ago the idea was always going to be about the relationship between J-Man and his father. J-Man having idolized his officer dad when he was little but growing more distance after he becomes a hero and does his own "cases" (like a kid trying to be grown up). The inclusion of sidekick Sleepy Bear evolved from a fun silly idea into being a sort of little brother to J-Man, forcing him into a guardian role before he's really ready. I guess in short the theme has become maturity and hero worship.(edited)

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

If Leif & Thorn (http://leifandthorn.com/) has a main theme, it's "communication." Partly because the characters don't share a first language -- and even as Thorn gets better at speaking Leif's, there are huge cultural differences that they need to figure out and talk through.

On top of that, if you dig down far enough, a ton of the problem-of-the-week type conflicts can be traced back to miscommunication! Someone hasn't explained themselves, or tried but didn't get it across very well, or explained it clearly but the other person didn't want to listen...

(The other problems are pretty much all about financial exploitation. Something goes wrong, it's either miscommunication or capitalism. Or both!)

But I'm A Cat Person (http://bicatperson.com/) is about broke recent college grads living on their own for the first time, but still making new connections and getting by with help from their friends. Also, immortal shapeshifters who need to be bonded to a human Master and will literally run down like a rusting machine if they don't get regular orders. There was a point when I figured the theme was "independence," but it's really more "interdependence."

...It's very political, but it takes place in 2010-2011, so the in-universe references have to be specific to that era. If they didn't, I'd be saying "stronger together" a lot more.

keii4ii

Heart of Keol (https://heartofkeol.com/) is about being let down by the one person you trusted, when you needed them the most. The feeling of "I'd thought they would care, but I guess that was too much to expect........" It's also about how you change (which hopefully includes healing -- though that isn't the case every time...) after such an experience. How that relationship changes afterward, and how it affects your other relationships.

Mharz

The Angel with Black Wings http://blackwings.mharz.com/ main central theme is "forgiveness" whether it's towards others or towards yourself. We've all been hurt before and sometimes depending on how tough it is, it can sometimes be so hard to forgive anyone even yourself. Some had so many tragedies happened to them that they had formed hatred towards the world that they just want to see it burn. Many of us formed self-loathing because we haven't achieve this kind of status we wanted for ourselves, or maybe we have blamed ourselves for something bad that has happened in the past. Forgiveness or lack thereof can greatly affect someone's mental health... and it doesn't just affect ourselves, but the people around us. CHAMPS http://champs.mharz.com/ aside from the slow-burn lesbian romance that's going on is about which victories are more important? The main characters, being athletes they'd want to win any match they can... but winning doesn't necessarily mean a satisfying victory. Sometimes you need to make a choice.

NeilKapit

What is this theme? Is it, according to that one guy from the Game of Thrones show, something for eighth grade book reports? Everyone knows storytelling is all about random shit happening to keep people in their seats, regardless of why.

Tuyetnhi

ha?

keii4ii

I think NeilKapit was making a joke about themes in general

Tuyetnhi

o

keii4ii

Not sure but my guess is he was sarcastically mimicking those who uh, don't "believe in themes"

Mharz

oh I thought it was pertaining to mine... becos my message was before theirs

I'm like did I say something wrong?

keii4ii

Nah, you're fine

Mharz

Ty keiiii

NeilKapit

It’s a joke based on a quote by David Benoit (sp?), one of the game of thrones showrunners, about how he approaches storytelling

It explains a lot about why the show went south so hard and so fast once they ran out of book material to adapt

Sorry if it sounded like I was dissing you or anyone here, I wasn’t

keii4ii

Thank you for clarifying

Mharz

it's good, bud. : D

NeilKapit

In all seriousness, the theme behind my comic We Are the Wyrecats (wyrecats.com) is coming of age in the worst possible way, with the protagonist having spent ages 18-22 in a coma, and awakening to a world where all the common sense heroism she and her friends tried to do ended up receiving a vicious backlash from the powers that be, where her friends have had to morally compromise in the name of survival, and where she realizes that people only allow you to do good on their terms

And what to make of things upon learning all of that

Nutty (Court of Roses)

In Court of Roses http://courtofroses.thecomicseries.com/ I'm trying to show the love, beauty, and power in self-expression, especially of the artistic kind and how versatile it can truly be. My bards will have a lot of challenges thrown at them to be solved uniquely with their talents!(edited)

Nutty (Court of Roses)

I wanna expand on that once they all start traveling together, as well as showing the importance of being able to seek help and comfort from others when you need it most.

Capitania do Azar

Haha central theme of my comic (www.sarilho.net/en/) is cooperation and this was super intentional because themes are super important and that's is why I spend so much time dealing with characters engaging in battle (edited)

MJ Massey

Not sure if this counts, but Black Ball (http://welcometoblackball.com/) is a deconstruction of the Great Gatsby and other 1920s literature which involves a lot of ironic tragedy. Emily is the common sense friend you wish all those characters had, because she has no time for that nonsense, and inadvertently comes in and makes people face their problems and, through that, become stronger, better people. While this is going on, she doesn't even realize that she's having an impact on people. Emily starts as sort of a passive doormat, being dragged around where her parents or the plot take her, but by the end she will find her own confidence and will become a more assertive person

Tuyetnhi

The main themes for OIYD! (http://oiydcomic.com/) is a combination of Fantasy vs. Reality, Truth and Lies, the scope of love, and the sacrifices or consquences made from those choices. Escapism, fantasies, and delusions often infer how we precieve our reality. And sometimes reality structures how these mindscapes are dictated. I want to explore such things under a romance between a dreamer and her dream, implications of trying to please your family and yourself, and what to do when your dreams can turn into concrete existence.(edited)

kayotics

Okay, so after some thinking, I think one of the main themes in Ingress Adventuring Company (https://ingress-comic.com/) is that healing isn't linear, and it can take a long time. That goes tied with the theme that sometimes there's more to people than what they show you. These aren't, like... SUPER obvious as themes yet, especially because most of the comic right now is a pretty light-hearted adventure story, but I think i'll get around to it.

deo101

Millennium's (http://millennium.thecomicseries.com/) main theme is really all about love, and overcoming great struggle through it. It's about healing and growth and finding your own family!(edited)

Jurinova

In it's core Home is a Distant Wish (https://tapas.io/series/hiadw) is about healing and finding one's own place in the world. It is about home but not just as a physical place but home as a feeling of belonging and safety, and most importantly about the right people. It is in many ways about people disconnected trying to connect again. There are more underlying themes that are a bit darker but I do like to think that the more hopeful themes are the dominant ones.

[promiseimnotacop]

let's go about this a different way: pick your fave ten questions from the trans journey ask game and answer them!

bold of you to assume I’ve ever managed to make a decision in my life. also warning this gonna be looooooong

from this ask game

1. How did you choose your name? 

so I’ve always been interested in names and a couple years before i ever came out to anyone I asked my mum casually if there were any other names she’d considered giving me. She said that Finn or Finnbar were up there had I “”been born a boy”” and so I latched on to that. It worked pretty well for me because I wanted something that felt like an equivalent exchange for my birthname and that I didn’t associate strongly with a particular individual and I’d never had a Finn in my year at school so that was all hunky dory. Took me a while longer to figure out middle names (because my birthname has two middle names and it’s sort of a tradition on my dad’s side so I wanted to have those). 

There was a hot minute when I considered calling myself “Hugo Finn” which I’m so glad I didn’t, not that it is objectively a bad name, but because my reasoning was erm....bad. It was at a time when I had a lot of internalised self hatred/disgust and the name Hugo I first came across and associated heavily with the morally ambiguous “freak” from ASOUE. At the time I thought using a name I associated so heavily with the word freak was a way of subverting negative feelings but tbh it wasn’t. I’m so glad I didn’t tether myself that negativity. 

Also fun fact, my birthname is Shakespearean protagonist who spends most of the play dressed as a boy so again for a hot second I considered using the name she does, Fidele, but I wasn’t about having a super conspicuously uncommon name. 

For middle names in the end I went for James Lee (though nothing is legal or set in stone feedback and opinions are welcome lol). Lee came first, after the river in my village that I have a lot of postive memories associated with, outside of all the gender bullshit. The problem then became that the name “Finn Lee” would sound like/get mistaken for “Finley” and “Finnbar Lee” would sound like “Finn Barley” which would be eccentric and confusing. So it needed a buffer. In the end I went for James, partly because the first middle name of my given name is a saint, but mostly because James can be Jim and that allows for some of my childhood nicknames (im jim jam, imbo jimbo) to sort of still apply. that was a long answer to a short question lol but I spent a lot of time thinking about this because for some reason I felt  like I couldn’t come out until I’d already settled on a full name. 

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

I don’t think they’re separable. I have dysphoria about my body but it is because of societal perceptions of my body

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?

depends on how savvy that person is to trans jargon honestly. The best, if clunky, label I’ve found for my gender is “transmasculine non-binary” which is two different quite broad umbrella terms lol. I like the looseness of it. For me personally, it means that the framework of masculinity and maleness is not an exact fit and does not cover some of the complexities of my gender but, in my daily interactions it is a close enough approximation and I do desire to pursue parts of what might be considered a “trans masculine” medical transition. For the most part masculine coded language (including he/him pronouns) is what suits me the best, with only a few particular exceptions. So, for most of the world I am functionally “a man” (even though that is one of the few bits of masculine coded language I don’t gel with), or maybe “a gender non-conforming man” and I am not gonna split hairs about that if we aren’t close. 

But if we’re seriously getting into a chat about gender there’s a lot more to be said. If drawing a diagram of my gender I would say I’m about 55% male, 30% “other”/third gender/maverique/genderqueer/whatever you want to call a gender identity autonomous and seperate from male or female, and 15% nothing/void. And all of that is subject to fluctuate a bit and which parts I might connect with most can be slightly contextual. I am more “a man” than anything else but also pretending to be a binary man is cutting out a significant part. 

12. Do you pass?

Let’s unpack the most Problematique question lol. Just kidding. It is important to acknowledge how “passing” or not effects daily safety/experiences but....god can we not use that word? Can that not be the agreed upon term? The implication that you are otherwise “failing”? The way in which it is incredibly difficult to apply to no-binary people? The way it does not acknowledge the nuances and the way that being read as a certain gender can be conditional? 

I prefer to use the terms “read as” because it allows for more nuanced discussion, does not have moralistic implications, puts the onus on the people viewing - not the individual being viewed and is kinda intuitive to understand.

To answer the question though? For the most part (like maybe 80% of the time) I am read as male. By no means always, and it is conditional on me following a certain level of gender conformity, but for the most part I interact with the world being addressed as a guy. As someone who is very much pre-t it seems that this alone subverts the standard “trans narrative”. Hell I was mostly read as male for a while before I ever came out. I’ve been corrected and laughed at in the women’s bathrooms. I’ve been harassed for gender nonconformity not in spite of but because I was wearing “girl’s” uniform. I have had fellow trans people assume I was a cis man (on more than one occasion) even when I introduced myself by my very much feminine birthname. I have little kids point blank refuse to believe I am “a girl”. I have had strangers confront and correct my mum for addressing me with she/her pronouns (before I was out). I have had kids yell the T slur at me (before I had begun to learn the invisible rules - which to be totally clear are bullshit -that need to be followed in order to be more consistently and unerringly read as male). I’ve been read as male occasionally in contexts where it was impossible for me to be out (near strangers on holiday whilst using birthname, new teachers and students at a school i’d been at since I was 11 and worn “girl’s uniform” until 16, etc).

It’s by no means always though. Which makes the times I don’t difficult and awkward. The technician on my course refers to me with feminine language but none of my tutors. The other day I tried out wearing eye shadow to class and I guy I bumped into later said that he hadn’t recognised me because it made me look like a girl (cringe). etc.

17. What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

haha i don’t go. I literally haven’t been to the men’s bathroom (apart from once on holiday) but also i get harassed in the women’s/get directed towards the men’s so.....here’s to hoping I don’t get a UTI lads. Literally been in a public loos once since June (not including holiday abroad) and then i nipped into the disabled one during shark week. 

19. Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

so at the beginning of uni I sort of tried to go stealth to see if I could/if it was comfortable (and by go stealth I mostly mean I just didn’t openly talk about my trans-ness for a while). I didn’t wanna be known as ‘the trans one’ and so i didn’t want to introduce myself with that fact. It fucking sucked would not recommend 0/10. It’s incredibly lonely-making to try and filter your experiences and to not be able to discuss certain issues with anyone irl. 

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

I used to do this thing when I was feeling particularly dysphoric/hopeless where I would draw myself now, and myself in 5 years time. Help construct something to look forward to, and work out what I would sincerely like to wear/express but don’t due to dysphoria. For me I really want to get to a place where I am comfortable in androgyny. I want to grow my hair out without sacrificing being read as male. I want to wear long skirts and crop tops whilst still being read and understood as a guy. I’ve done a lot of self reflection and I don’t think I can get to the place of being comfortable until I have had top surgery and I might also require T (though top surgery is really the necessity for my day to day life). Fingers crossed that will be possible and slightly healed within 5 years but given the NHS it really is not certain. 

39. Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

T4T is self care. Jk. Honestly probably but that’s not to say a cis person couldn’t be my ideal partner? like at any rate it’s fucking necessary that my partner fully understands/perceives me to not be a woman. They could just be cis and no. 1 ally but in all likeliness they’re probably gonna be trans (particularly given the number trans and/or nb cuties out there)

40. How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

I’m not managing. Send help.

seriously every week I have a break down about how long NHS wait times are.

42. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

I’m an art student in Brighton. Yes. 

(Also my sibling Sumner is an NB lesbian, and my childhood best friend Hunter is NB). 

Literally going to be one cis person in my house of six next year. 

[jackednephi]

Hello! Apologies for sending in an ask so late. I just wanted to reach out because I'm not in such a great place right now. I was wondering, if you found out about your being queer at a fairly young age, how you managed to stay in the closet?? (And, you know, remaining alright, mentally) my parents are extremely homophobic, and it's tearing me apart, especially because I really care about them. Any advice would be great, even if it's not much. Best of luck in everything, and thank you so much ♥️

so tumblr doesn’t always let me know when i have messages >(

that said, i’ll do my best to respond but like it’s going to be long and convoluted so imma include a cut to save dash space. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND i am polyamorous, agender/trans, pansexual, and demiromantic. so like there are various facets of my queerness and they all played into my life differently

feel free to skip close to the end for like “how to stealth” if you don’t have the spoons for like a 20 page autobiography with annotated bibliography

so finding out about being queer is a question that has both a yes and a no answer. it’s more like i was experiencing queerness but didn’t have words for it, then repressed it, then dealt with it. so it’s less “i knew ever since i could form words to describe it” and more my journey was in no way linear

see when i was little, like really little yknow when you start getting your first crushes right around prek and stuff, i had all kinds of crushes. i had crushes on multiple people at once and this has continued straight into adulthood. so, like, sign one of being poly. my friends would have one person they would hardcore crush on whereas i was crushing on people around me, characters in fiction, just like so many people. i remember listing crushes in my journals every now and then and i’d have lists of upwards and over like 20. :/ so i am in no way surprised i’m poly

so far as my sexuality, i didn’t realize i was feeling for certain female friends what i was feeling for boys. partly because i’d be like “oh i want to hold his hand” and because i saw m/f couples holding hands all the time i was like ah! yes! obviously romantic! but i never saw any f/f relationships so i didn’t make the connection that the hand holding wasn’t a friend feeling. i had INTENSE crushes on girls too, just as intense as on boys. but i was used to the media portraying rival nonsense like hannah montana and whatnot so i was like “oh. this is my situation”

there was also a lot of repressing going on because i just didn’t see that reflected around me from media to adults. all i saw were m/f relationships. i knew gay people existed but i thought they were all gay men. when i was somewhere around like 10 or so, give or take, i realized i was crushing on my best friend at the time (a girl) and was like “no. absolutely not” shoved that as far back as possible and ignored it

my demiromanticism is more born of trauma than me being born that way and that’s ok. one of my close friends found out about one of my crushes in the second grade and i was RELENTLESSLY bullied for it. every time i got a crush on somebody, i would end up HARDCORE bullied or they would get weird and things would be awful. i also had boys shove their crushes onto me and not take no for an answer. like i’d have my bra snapped painfully, bugs shoved down my shirt, my stuff vandalized, hair pulled just because i wasn’t interested

like when i was 12, somebody started a rumor that i was pregnant :/ and that’s not even covering my abusive ex or the sexual assaults so like everything kind of came together for that

then there’s my gender. which is its own bucket of worms and kind of played in with my sexuality in certain ways

my parents are boomers, born in 50 and 58. “but vann,” you say, confused “you were born at the end of 94″ and you are correct! i inherited pcos from my mother so i’ll let you put 2 and 3 together as to why i was born in 94 and my brother in 96. i say that because, unlike their peers, they raised my brothers and i radically different from the accepted cultural norms

if i wanted to wear baggy shorts, that was cool. pretty dresses? whatever. same (kind of) went for my brothers. if they wanted to spend a lot of time on their appearance, that was fine and not shamed at all. in fact, it was encouraged because it made them feel good. i played with army men, barbie dolls, cars, a train set, tools, swords, sports stuff, had tea parties with stuffed animals, drew and crafted, etc etc. my younger brother played house with me (and often suggested it himself) and would play with my baby dolls. like had my younger brother wanted a doll, they would’ve gotten it for him. but i had them so he didn’t bother asking for one cause he could borrow mine

so like there was no gender segregation of toys or activities. and that sounds kind of like the bare minimum of parenting but you have to remember that both of my parents grew up in the rural south as boomers. gender roles were violently enforced for them. but they didn’t think about enforcing them for us so far as play and, to a certain extent, dress/grooming was concerned. this created a safe environment for us to be our true selves

so for a very long time, i was comfy saying i was a girl. i played basketball after school and then afterwards would find my prettiest dress and watch scooby doo. gender expression was fast and loose in my house

i contribute that a lot to the fact that my father was too disabled to work. even before then, he had been a nurse and a damn good one. my father has ALWAYS been the go to for when we were sick, injured, etc. my mother had this disconnect with how much concern to show. it was either too much or not enough and was pretty much never helpful. even after retiring, when my nephews came around he was the go to caretaker for them. even now at 70, he frequently goes back to where the children are during family gatherings and keeps watch. much like a mother hen

so he stayed home and did the cleaning and other “wifely” duties. not cooking though because his brain just cannot. my mother worked as a high school teacher so typical roles were entirely reversed. when i was tiny and wanted nothing more than to be a parent? you go, sweetie! when i was older and wanted to be a scientist? achieve your dreams, kiddo! like they were very supportive of my goals no matter what they were

so i just??? didn’t realize????? until i hit puberty somewhere around 9

talk about body dysphoria. i went from looking like my brother and every other kid my age to wow ok there’s hair now??? and my face is all weird???? and oh no why does my tummy feel funny?????????? (sexual arousal was a TRIP to discover as a third grader that i would not wish on any child ever) oh my god WHAT IS ON MY CHEST!? and grown men are hitting on me now??? oh no i’m in fourth grade and bleeding!?

it was not a fun time by a long shot. i started wearing the baggiest tshirts i could possibly find. anything to hide my freakish body, really. so many hoodies. i would swing wildly between hyper feminine expression with tight clothes and heels and hiding everything as much as possible. part of me was smug about being ahead of my peers, for adults to be treating me as more than a kid. but a LOT of me felt like a freak

maturing (mentally) into an adult was a wild experience. i was 13 and looked like i was 21 except for my face. i did everything possible to find comfort with myself from goth/emo expression ro masculine stuff people threw “dyke” at me for and then finally, weaponized femininity. tight tops, tight pants, shortest skirts i could get away with, eyeliner so sharp it could cut god, heels as often as i could including uniform days, perfect hair. i made myself look like a hot, unapproachable goddess

finally, people were too intimidated to approach me and comment on my appearance. i wore makeup like a mask and people who had known me for YEARS were surprised to find out just how big my chest really was. but i walked with murder in my eyes and i was finally treated the same was i was before puberty - completely unapproachable

ALL THAT IN MIND, here’s how i figured my shit out

i was on facebook seeing “gay, straight, black or white, marriage is a civil right” and being typically “it’s a sacred ordinance shyaddap” about it. i ended up on tumblr about idk 15 or so? note, i’d already discovered porn by this time so i was aware that lesbians existed. like just to throw that out there that i wasn’t like totally in the dark when i made my tumblr account. i did it for school to blog about shakespeare for an english assignment. and that’s when my world expanded

bisexual? wow ok! that was a thing! and oh. oh no

there were pretty girls

and pretty boys and pretty people whose gender i had no idea. cosplayers cosplaying as the opposite gender, trans people, and a whole rainbow of people i was suddenly finding attractive. and i had a HARDCORE identity crisis

i liked girls? but was it the same as boys? was i bisexual? that didn’t seem to fit. there was more than two genders right? and trans people existed? bi? was i bi? bi?

bi. probably

but it didn’t feel comfortable like at all. but i discovered a fanfic writer who talked about being pansexual and i looked it up and everything just clicked?? into place????

not to be overdramatic or anything but it was like the stars finally aligned. it felt SO good! so many genders! and it meant all and aliens are a thing, right? who was i to say no to the possibility? but, more than anything, it felt comfortable. like a hug from my grandma. like home

i wanted to scream from the rooftops that i’d figured it out! i found myself! pansexual! I WAS PANSEXUAL! THAT WAS ME! HOME!

and then the reality of living in our society crashed down on me. i continued to talk about the guys i liked around my family but never EVER the girls. i hid my relationship with the person who eventually became my wife. to be fair, i’d hidden all my relationships prior cause i was an IDIOT and had been dating before 16. so that wasn’t hard. but what was was the breakup

previously, i’d been like “you remember that guy i like? he’s a jerk” or some other excuse to cry to my mother. but i couldn’t about cake. so i cried to my bff/twin/sister like i had everything else and moved on. and i just kind of shut up about it to everybody except those closest to me

except that hurt. here i was knowing i was queer and happy about it but people were being homophobic. i don’t know how often i cried myself to sleep after hearing about “those dirty f*gs” cause of the marriage thing. i ended up quietly coming out to my favorite teacher and she dismissed it as trauma response to my then recent sexual assault. she had seemed safe but that was her reaction so i shut up about it

up until, ironically, coming out day october 2011 just before turning 17 that next month. my mother and i were at chilis, she was being homophobic, and i screamed for the whole restaurant to hear that i was queer and the whole base found out. hard to stay closeted after that

i was pretty much out until college when i started going to church in a new place. i just didn’t talk about my sexuality. ever. period. and it was “easy” because i was dating guys. and pretty sure i was a cis woman. so i was stealth passing. and that was ok with me because i was out on campus, vocally and unapologetically

in high school, i dated a trans guy. he introduced me like in a personal way to transness, to binding. i knew i wasn’t a man but it intrigued me. and in college where nobody knew me, nobody knew me as femme fatale black widow i had a chance to explore my gender. i discovered that loose tshirts made me feel really good. as did other comfy things like shorts and sweats. sometimes i wanted to look fancy or felt like wearing a dress. really, i kind of reverted back to who i was in childhood

i felt weird when i heard my birth name. i’d gone by a nickname for so long, i just chopped off the y (vanny) to vann so it sounded more adult. it felt good. so i identified, tentatively, as nonbinary. it was around this time the trans dude i dated and i fell out with each other because he thought me playing around with my gender was like mocking his transness. or something. idk dude was toxic trash

so i wasn’t male or female then? nah that didn’t feel right. i wasn’t some third androgynous gender. but sometimes binding and passing as a man felt good and sometimes passing as a woman felt good. genderfluid then? was i a man who liked to wear dresses? no. didn’t feel right. made me uncomfortable

eventually, things clicked for me with agender the way they had with pansexual the fall of my third year of undergrad. stars aligned, the universe smiled upon me, and i was THRILLED. like gender euphoria is REAL and never before had i felt so comfortable in my own skin. i remember literally weeping with joy. like i’d been going with they/them/their for a couple years at that point

i came out to my parents about that one pretty shortly after realizing it because i was OVERJOYED. they’d been working on calling me vann for awhile at that point and the pronouns. i’ve since learned that so long as soebody has my name, 90% of the time i legit do not care what pronouns somebody uses. im aware that people perceive me differently and it’s fine. i mean neutral pronouns fill me with euphoria but like it’s fine. so long as somebody doesn’t mistake me for cis

my parents are like so great about it now. they correct people who deadname me (except my grandma cause she’s like 85 and i gave her permission years ago) and my mother straight cut contact with family members who refuse to respect me. except my brothers but like she makes it clear whenever they’re going to be awful that she WILL NOT tolerate it. like they don’t dare trash me in front of our father. he’s old now but he will backhand one of my brothers for that and they know it. so they try it with our mom and she’s like “try it again and you won’t hear from me until you apologize for trashing your sister”

i realized i was poly when cake came back into my life. that was a serious mess involving their abusive ex girlfriend but we clicked and it ended up working so yknow. that was my easiest coming out actually. my parents were like “yknow, you always seemed to love people when you were a kid. and you had SO many crushes. makes sense” which was awesome. it was the most difficult emotionally but  the easiest because i’d already come out twice before so it was whatever

the demi thing was discovered in therapy. and like it doesn’t have much in the way of impact like the other things do. so i never really came out about that? there wasn’t really a point? like i talk about it when it comes up but it’s just whatever. i honestly have no idea if i ever told my family?????

WITH THAT NONSENSE IN MIND, HERE’S HOW TO STEALTH AND BE OK MENTALLY

you said homophobic so im gonna assume you’re not straight. no idea about gender and, honestly, so far as gender goes i’ve seen it’s safer to lean into masculinity than it is femininity. so if you’re amab, i don’t really have tips or tricks for that as i’m afab. with being afab, lean into the tomboy aesthetic so you seem acceptably (safely) your assigned gender. i recommend fun lipstick and nail polish colors. sparkly nails did wonders for me honestly

but for like not straightness. that’s a tightrope that is but a gossamer thread to balance. like there are ways to stealth gender expression and feel affirmed but queerness is a different animal or it was for me

so i had AT LEAST one space in my life where i was 100%, unapologetically, loudly out. like i’m here, i’m queer and flying my rainbow flag and not at all sorry about it OUT. for awhile, it was just my very closest friends in the whole world. then it was tumblr. then i made a facebook for people irl i could trust. 0 family and 0 people who couldn’t be chill about it

like having a carved space for you to just be the authentic you, whatever that is. for me, that’s all this queer mess, the polycule that is my family, my faith, my absolutely foul mouth, my mental illnesses, my love of good coffee or a glass of wine every now and then as a rare treat, the good and the bad the ugly and the uncategorizable all together. the struggle with the word of wisdom AND the love of my spouses. all of that

it’s affirming to have this space where you’re yourself and people accept you for who you are rather than what gets your engine revving. but you’ve also got to try and stealth that into wherever you can. you want a dyke spike? go for it and say it’s a pixie cut. plaids are in right now which is a lowkey signal to other queers you’re a queer too no matter your gender. just depends on what shoe you pair it with and other queers will take notice while non queers will just think you’re trendy

it was also fun for me to get that pan flag aesthetic wherever i could. like blue/pink galaxy type eyeshadow that wasn’t too peacock flashy so it looked Hot without being Obvious and a pink lipstick and yellow nails. like it was subtle but i knew what was going on and it felt good. i did the same with rainbows but i had more to work with there. like i’d have an inconspicuous notebook where i’d paint/paste a rainbow on the inside cover so that it was Normal from the outside and BAM! GAY! on the inside. did that with highlighting my notes too

i just kind of stuck it everywhere i could possibly get away with. people were excited to see me go from emo to bring colors becuase “oh wow! you’re finally not sad!” lol no i’m just stealth queer over here

i also wrote SO MUCH queer fanfiction. i didn’t publish any of it just in case but i have notebooks full of stuff. i also rped with people as a way to live vicariously through characters. i also READ a lot of queer fanfiction actually. i saved all kinds of fanart and photo manipulations of certain pairings together. like i couldn’t be out so i could have fiction where others were

i also poured myself into hobbies. i fenced, did karate, learned japanese, participated in drama club, played in a band, took piano lessons, taught myself to draw, journaled, learned to cook, read amazing books, played video games, learned to sing. like i’m sure there are other things i’m forgetting? basically, if it was EVER covered in a young women’s activity pretty much anywhere in the world, i learned at least those basic skills. like i can embroider now even

so like that’s how i stealthed and stayed sane. i was also in therapy where i was out to whatever therapist i was seeing at the time which ABSOLUTELY helped. i also made like queer playlists i would listen to. like same love, i kissed a girl, born this way, etc that i would listen to when i needed to just sink into it. music in general is super cathartic and i’ve gotta say green day, acdc, evanescence, bon jovi, etc got me through some tough shit

i also yelled at god. i yelled at god a LOT actually. like i know we get told “pray for comfort” but sometimes you need to bawl your eyes out and just SCREAM at the almighty. dude can take it. he’s god after all. he can handle our anger. it isn’t disrespectful. like if you ever do cross a line, he’ll let you know. like your thoughts will hard stop. you’ll know

but empty your lungs screaming in pain. let him know it isn’t fair, you’re not happy. beg for relief from the nightmares you’re living. demand to know if or when it’ll ever get better. burn yourself out yelling and crying and fall asleep drenched in tears. then wake up the next day and live your life and you know what?

you’ll feel better. maybe not a lot sometimes and maybe everything is cool for once in forever. but it definitely helped me a lot. like dude listens and you WILL feel better even if the things around you dont get better. you get some strength to get through and be ok and it’s super helpful

but that’s what i got. also bear in mind that i came out to thousands of people by yelling at my mother in a restaurant when all the ships were in because everybody in said restaurant texted everybody they knew and my texts were flooded in like an hour of “DON’T TELL ME YOU CAME OUT TO YOUR MOM LIKE THAT OMG” and “you’re queer!?” so like

i’m not the best when it comes to stealth queering so take my advice with a grain of salt