#although i understand why the doctor doesn't really talk about her

[enbysiriusblack]

"martha needs a doctor next" martha wouldn't want him. i think she'd just be pretty annoyed if he turned up. she left of her own will, the others didn't.

[jadedbirch]

Gather around, my young friends and fellow dinosaurs, let me tell you about some BULLSHIT no one ever tells you about. I'm talking about menopause and perimenopause. Now, menopause has a very stringent medical definition. You have to not have had a period for exactly 12 months and a day to be considered in menopause. All the bullshit before that day once you start going through The Change is considered perimenopause. Here's some bullshit you might experience that people actually talk about when you're in perimenopause:

- shorter time between periods

- irregular periods

- hot flashes and/or cold flashes

- fucked up sleep

- OMG NIGHT SWEATS

- Vagina as dry as the Sahara desert

- lighter periods and/or endless bleeding like it's The Flood but it's in your pants

- lack of interest in Adult Fun Times

This time of joy can last anywhere from a couple of years to a god damn decade and there's no medical way right now to predict it.

Here's some of the REAL bullshit they don't tell you about but your dinosaur aunt is here to let you know:

- You can start perimenopause in your 30s, don't listen to idiot doctors who tell you you're "too young" because they don't know your body like you do.

- Perimenopause will make you HELLA DUMB. Seriously, I'm talking Bigly broken brain. Brain fog? Check. Short term memory? Wave goodbye to it. Ability to make words form out of thoughts? Yeah, good luck to you.

- Perimenopause can cause horrible fatigue because in addition to losing estrogen, you're also losing testosterone. Oh and that also leads to muscle wasting, cool cool.

- Things might suddenly hurt more because estrogen is known to be neuroprotective.

- If you're super lucky like I am, and like to collect rare illnesses, you might even get Burning Mouth Syndrome 💀

- And meanwhile, while you're going through this bullshit, you'll be getting gaslit by doctors who are operating based on 30 year old debunked data about how HRT causes breast cancer (not really) and that they shouldn't put you on it until you're in actual menopause. (Data shows starting HRT early can potentially prevent Alzheimer's in later years.)

- There are entire online clinics right now (I use Midi Health) focused on providing care for peri and menopausal patients and they will happily prescribe you HRT even if your regular PCP or OBGYN do not (if you meet the criteria). I've been pretty impressed with how holistically they view the patient. For full disclosure, I learned about them from my integrative health doctor and they do not accept Medicare (yet).

I'm 46 years old right now and I've been symptomatic for perimenopause for the last 8 years, although it's gotten the most dramatic in the past 2 years or so, which I hope means I'm almost done, holy hell. Yeah I was on the early side, but if it can happen to me, it can happen to you, so it's never too early to think about these things. And I hope to at least spare some of you the mind-fuckery I've been through because no one told me about most of this stuff, including my own mother who just DOESN'T REMEMBER what happened to her and now I completely understand why. And because I also have a connective tissue disease, I used to just dismiss my pain and fatigue as being caused by that illness rather than the loss of hormones.

Anyways, this is why we need Elders in our lives, so they can do Grandma Story Hour like I just did and validate you when the entire medical field tries to gaslight you. I hope you've found some or all of this educational/useful. Please share with your friends because we really do NOT talk about this stuff enough. (Ewwww Moon Blood!)

Stay well, and don't let the bastards grind you down!

[rinskazuu]

love me like you do ⋅˚₊‧ 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅

synopsis. ꨄ︎ hsr characters and their voice lines about you as their lover!

characters: ꨄ︎ gn!reader x gepard, sunday (written at the time of 2.5), dr ratio, acheron, black swan, aventurine, jing yuan (separately)

cw: ꨄ︎ established relationship, use of they/them pronouns, use of pet names (beloved, darling, love), implied that reader has the same/relative lifespan as jing yuan, FLUFF :D

notes: ꨄ︎ continuation (more like a spin off) of my genshin lover voice lines lol (it has god awful writing and punctuation. proceed with caution). warning: i accidentally (it really was an accident) turned them into d1 yappers, mb y'all.

GEPARD

about: [name]

“so, you’ve sought me out during my busy schedule to talk about [name]…? i will indulge you just this once, considering they are my lover. what is it that you want to know? ah, before you begin, i must remind you that although you and i are good friends, i won’t tolerate anyone trying to take them from me. otherwise, i will have to resort to methods i wouldn’t normally use.”

chat: family

“you’ve heard of my close relationship with my sisters? yes, i hold them in my heart dearly. the only downside of our relationships is that they tend to nag me about [name] a lot. lynx is always trying to steal them from me under the pretext of help for her next adventure, but i know she loves them almost as much as i do. serval, being the true older sister she is, always scolds me for not taking better care of [name]. i understand her perspective but my schedule is draining, even for me.”

chat: art

“ahem, i would prefer if you didn’t bring up my skills in art, or lack thereof. please, enough with the teasing. you remind me of [name] when they first saw my so-called wanted posters. as i recall, they keeled over, arms clutching their stomach from laughter. i’ve never suffered a bout of embarrassment as bad before. so you’ve seen them too…? please spare me the humiliation.”

chat: flowers

“lynx’s dangerous journeys in the cold can also result in wondrous things, such as the flowers she brings home for serval and i to grow. i admit growing these things are difficult to say the least but i do do my best to raise them until they’re ready to be sent off—to [name] more specifically. i just can’t figure out how to get them to not wither. trailblazer, do you have any experience growing plants?”

chat: duties

“i do rather enjoy my job as the captain of the silvermane guards. i cherish and honor the responsibility, however, the hours are brutal. my constant thoughts all revolve around [name]. thinking about them, but not being able to be in their presence, feeling their touch, or just as simple as seeing them is torture in itself. nonetheless, the citizens of belobog need me—more importantly, [name] needs the protections i offer, and for that, i will pay the price diligently.”

♡

SUNDAY

about: [name]

"most handsome man in penacony? yes, i've heard that before. i'm flattered, but everybody in this universe should know my heart is already taken. you're surprised i have a lover, why is that? as you've said, i am the most handsome on this planet."

chat: jealousy

"jealous? what nonsense has gotten into you? is it that gambler or perhaps his accomplice, the doctor? i should not be surprised they display such impertinence, seeing as that gambler always tests his luck. the doctor should recheck his qualifications and his ego at that. wanting things they could never get. such foolishness i cannot comprehend. are you interested in [name], too? i won't hesitate to oppose you, regardless of our friendship."

chat: power

"the power i hold comes with such responsibility, naturally. i shouldn't be deceitful; i enjoy being in a position of authority. but then again, who doesn't? the only downside is my constant worry for [name] and robin's safety. should a day come where either or both are in harm's way, i will not resist in acting on my power. i have high hopes that the people of penacony should not resort to violence against my beloved nor my dear sister."

chat: dreams

"it shouldn't come as a surprise that the dreamscape is nothing new to me, seeing as i hold the responsibility of the safety and entertainment of many in my hands. oh, did you not mean the dreamscape? hmm... my dreams often carry beautiful memories of my beloved. [name] appears equally as comforting as they do in the realm of reality. all entities and beings cease to exist when i am within their presence."

chat: problems

"is something troubling you? inner demons... yes, i'm rather familiar with them. such a world without personal problems is so close, yet so far out of reach. if it is advice you seek, i suggest maybe confiding in a close friend or better yet a lover. sometimes it feels as if my very being is precarious, within the bounds of falling apart, but all is well when [name] is with me. they soothe my demons, hushing them as if they were never there to begin with. i am subjected to this... forlornly feeling whenever they aren't near."

♡

DR RATIO

about: [name]

"you speak in high regard of my lover i see. as expected; [name] has that effect. one where they attract all kinds of people, that of which unfortunately includes those who are reduced to stupidity. why are you surprised my beloved is someone like me? are you implying i would ever associate myself with an idiot? here i thought you were aware of my character. no matter, i'll let it slide because you are not prone to foolishness. should you make another mistake, i'm afraid i'll have to distance myself..."

chat: intelligence

"what makes a genius versus an idiot, i often find myself pondering. it certainly isn't the knowledge you gain because then again, an idiot cannot comprehend idiocy but can acknowledge the subject of math. it is the unlimited creativity in oneself and their intellectual ability. a prime example of brilliance is none other than my lover, [name]. their originality and innovation is something to admire, truly."

chat: free time

"solving equations with my lover is something i cherish. their tenacious behavior certainly puts up a challenge for me and i would ask for no other way to spend my time. books and bathtubs suffice as well, i suppose."

chat: nuisance

"to think i was enjoying my time when you just had to bring up the gambler. that nefarious man knows no bounds. i was very well aware of the way he was eyeing [name]. as if that man can even make sense of their beautiful being and mind. i've had enough. if you could make your exit, i would be the utmost grateful."

chat: bonds

"i find it rather difficult to... connect with others because there is no shortage of stupid people in this world. if i were to pick, i'd spend the rest of my time with [name] but that's already a given. i suppose you'd make a decent second option. blushing? hmph. be serious, that act is not even in my vocabulary."

♡

ACHERON

about: [name]

"on my journey throughout the cosmos, my encounters with others were never necessarily nuisances. rather, they were precious. but just like all moments in life, they are only a distant past; too far out of reach, too far out of my mind. the same cannot be said about [name]. for every minute i spend with them, i will fight to remember what it is i truly cherish in this world."

chat: memories

"it is true that my memories fade, much like the rain; very visible in the moment, but as days pass it will unite on the ground, vanishing before it is forgotten. however, the importance of rain is akin to my feelings toward my lover. it may one day be a mere bygone, but the feeling will never wane."

weather: rain

"like all little things in life, [name] finds it all fascinating. i cannot share their enthusiasm, but i do share a bit of their contentment when it comes to the weather. as the skies darken, it can form a shroud of fear toward one, yet comfort for another. the little droplets creating rivulets of water on the ground. so insignificant, yet so beautiful, the latter a lot like my lover."

chat: company

"no matter the reason, all travelers in this world are alike, their own purposes driving them to each and every corner of this cosmos. i am glad i do not have to suffer my fate alone, for it is not entirely filled with hardships. [name] is not just my lover, but my companion and it fills me with joy beyond my understanding that they will withstand any storm by my side."

weather: lightning

"a bold and bright strike in the sky, severing it ever so slightly. it is beautiful and brief, yet so powerful. i like to think the fondness i show [name] is much like lightning. i believe actions hold a larger importance than conversation, but for my lover, my words are endless."

♡

BLACK SWAN

about: [name]

"is it without a doubt my most radiant memories are with none other than my love. so, you've met [name]. by your expression, i take it that they are just as dazzling as i'm proposing. would you humbly allow me to capture your memories with them? i can assure you it's all in good's name; after all, i must oblige by my lover's safety. i wish you could see your appearance. i apologize for the scare, it's all meant to be humorous."

chat: memories

"as a memokeeper, it shouldn't be a surprise that i enter many minds. some minds are putrid; the memories i see are only vile acts of selfishness or egocentrism. others are broken, hard to explore and understand. there are minds which contain honorable deeds and acts of heroism, such as yourself. [name], however, their mind is brilliant. i could exhaust you for the rest of time just by simply sharing what i've learned from my lover, but the term brilliant should suffice. hmm? well, of course. i only entered their mind with their authorization."

chat: time well spent

"memories are integrated in my very being. even this body is merely a vessel only to serve my purpose. one day, the inevitable will come and we will all cease to exist. perhaps on the path there i will outlive my lover. in other rare cases, they may live on without me. memories are eternal and we shall all live on in the reminder of what once was."

chat: fate

"do you believe in fate, trailblazer? it is one of, if not the only, inescapable pieces of this world. what is to come is predestined. it is within my comprehension that [name] and i were bound to happen. the lights of destiny shine at me once again."

chat: time

"like the past and present, the future will hold many resplendent tales. i look forward to the stories [name] and i will share. whether it inspires a romantic and grand story or a simple poem, i will continue to dance with them until the stars begin to grow dimmer and dimmer."

♡

AVENTURINE

about: [name]

"my interactions are always based on transactions, but there's more to [name] than what meets the eye. i admit, our relationship started as a one time self-indulgent on my part, but as usual, i only invest in deals that pay off. don't bother trying to steal my darling. i mean, if you wish to do so, you can try, but remember i'm the lucky one here."

chat: luck

"i've never doubted my luck. it's as simple as it sounds—everything requires strategies and planning, even if it boils down to fate and luck, and who am i if i'm not lucky? my most treasured possession is none other than my beloved, of course. no game or bet could satiate my desires as they do."

chat: chips and gambles

"each chip has a different value, as does a person. the highest chip of profit are those who are beneficial. again, everything requires planning, but sometimes i like to revel in making a simple wager. you are easily a valuable chip, hence our cordial relationship. naturally, there are worthless ones and then there are priceless, one-in-a-million ones. my darling effortlessly tops the list."

chat: schemes

"you call it a scheme, i like to call it a master plan. with my bets, chips, my pawns in one place, and fate smiling upon me, it's hard not to win. it's as i say; the best plan is the smartest plan. how else do you think i have my lovely [name] by my side?"

chat: wins and losses

"my greatest loss was one you've heard before. i have no interest in repeating it, but i'm sure you remember what happened to my home planet. as for my wins? i've got plenty. you seem indifferent to hearing them, so i'll give you an easy answer: [name]. my greatest treasure and win is my lover. why are you surprised? high rewards always follow high risks, and they are no exception."

♡

JING YUAN

about: [name]

"the xianzhou species and natives, as you know, have longer life spans. the things we see from our day to day life often begins to blur. rather, more accurately, it begins to mesh with the background. it becomes, dare i say, mundane and dull. however, it amazes me how i still love life with [name] as my lifelong companion. my lover, who's been with me for centuries, makes my days and nights much more livelier."

chat: bonds

"yanqing is my disciple and subordinate. at his young age, he shows many promising features and skills. it is a shame that although he may be an excellent swordsman and lieutenant, his behavior often reminds me that he still a child. what warms my heart is his attachment and endearment to [name]. with my duties, i am often in the seat of divine foresight, so i cannot entertain either of them when i mostly yearn for it. i am filled with glee knowing [name] is there to care for him, and likewise."

chat: a day of work

"it is without a doubt that my work is utterly boring. it is not to say i don't love my home planet, but the work i do on a normal day to day basis is... tedious. early mornings transition into the peak of the day where it then drags into the long, wee hours of the night. thankfully, i have my beloved, [name], to amuse me. sometimes, they'll sneak off in the middle of work just to come see me, which delights me to no end. i'm fortunate to be able to see their lovely face first thing in the morning."

chat: worry

"i, as one of the arbiter-generals, have a lot to worry about regarding the luofu and the planet as a whole. there is chaos to be dispelled, questions to be answered, and a seemingly endless amount of help to be distributed. hmm? you were asking about my personal worries. well, there was a time where i was just a cloud knight, coming home when the sun was long gone with bruises etched into my skin and blood littering my armor. my greatest worry is having to see the fearful look on [name]'s face again, frightened for my safety."

chat: associations

"long gone with the wind were my old comrades and friends. like the sun sets, it's natural for more winds to blow my way. come new adventures, i will pursue new companions. one i will clutch onto for the rest of my days is [name], the most precious of them all. it goes without saying that they are whom i treasure the most, who i seek in my darkest moments, who i confide in my happiest moments with, and who i share my every being with."

end notes: ꨄ︎ i was going to include luocha, but my brain juice ran out. i typically listen to their EN voice lines on youtube (even if i have them) before figuring out what to type to get a better grasp on their canon personality, but uhm luocha was too vague as is. plus, we don't really know much about him (still love him)

[t-a-a-1]

Dandelion

One-Shot 3K-Words

Summary: After confessing your love to Optimus and being rejected; he discovers how much you mean to him.

A/N: Lots of yearning. A little bit of jealousy. Somewhat suggestive content. Angst. Optimus desperately needs you and he is a bit horny on this so beware.

Dandelion

....

It has been three months since you confessed your love to the leader of the Autobots.

And three months since he rejected you. 

You knew it was going to be this way. You weren't angry even when deep down, you hoped he would feel the same.

Maybe it's the human nature to love the unloveable. But when you think about it, there wasn't a single thing you did not love about him.

"I am honored but-"

You raised your hands to stop him. No. You didn't want the "It's not you, it's me" talk. You didn't want it, nor needed it. To you, it's stupid because although he may say that, you know the truth. If you were someone else, maybe a Cybertronian, he could love you. 

You didn't want answers. You didn't want to hear him. He had rejected you and that's the end of it. You just wanted to be honest.

That's it.

You began to be more distant. You weren't angry. Things just feel awkward. It's not like you didn't want to continue being friends but that was not possible at the moment. Is it really a friendship if deep down you still hope that he will change his mind? Optimus didn't deserve that nor did you.

You stopped going to the base so often. One or twice a week at most. You continued talking to everyone as you usually do but with Optimus it's different. Now you only greet him not wanting to start a conversation. He doesn't seem to mind your change and although it hurt you to see his indifference, you knew it was for the best.

But ... he noticed.

....

"I'll be going on patrol duty."

Optimus looks around the base as he announces his departure. Bulkhead is with Miko practicing some boxing, Arcee is chatting with Jack while Bumblebee and Raf play video games. 

His optics fall on you. You were talking to Ratchet about something he couldn't decipher. Although his old friend was focused on his work, he still talked to you. You seemed content and wondered the reason behind your good mood. 

"(Y/N)," Optimus walks towards you and Ratchet, interrupting the conversation.

You stand on the elevation floor. Facing him face to faceplate. You were so small, yet he felt intimidated by you. 

"I'll be going on patrol," he repeats himself. Optimus doesn't know why but it has become complicated to talk to you.

"Yes umm, you already said that?"

You used to go on patrol duty with him. Usually, the nights will end with the two of you on the top of the base. With you smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. Optimus would sometimes enjoy a barrel of oil with you. 

The two of you would talk for hours, sometimes it would last until the sunrise. 

"Do you wish to accompany me?"

That's what he wanted to ask. But nothing came out of his voice box. He stays quiet for a few seconds and leaves. 

....

Ratchet hears a heavy sigh coming from Optimu's vents.

A few seconds.

And another one.

And another.

And another.

And one more.

"Would you stop doing that?"

Ratchet looks at the Autobots' leader and Optimus has the audacity to look confused. This angered the doctor who was very well aware of the situation.

"If you miss (Y/N) so much why don't you talk to her?"

"I don't understand-"

"Ah! Tsk,Tsk," Ratchet raised both of his hands and moved them in front of him. He didn't want to hear any excuses coming from Optimus. "You know exactly what I am saying."

Optimus looks around to make sure no one is around. 

"(y/n) confessed... to have romantic feelings towards me."

For a very small second, Optimus regrets telling Ratchet the truth because the expression on his face isn't comforting.

"A human ... falling in love with a Cybertronian?" Ratchet questions, speaking to himself more than to Optimus. "Well, historically speaking, Cybertronians are not unfamiliar with inter-species relationships. But with a human ... this will be a first."

"I rejected her," Optimus says not feeling quite certain if he should have shared this with Ratchet. Not because he didn't trust him to keep a secret but because you trusted him not to tell anyone. "But now I am afraid that has severed the friendship we had."

"Have you tried talking to her?"

"I do not believe she wishes to speak to me."

Ratchet noticed the worriness in Optimus' faceplate. He knew things had been different between the two of you since months ago. At first, he thought it had been a fight. Something that could be fixed with a simple conversation. But it was more than that. Maybe it cannot be fixed.

"And you Optimus?" the doctor asked. "How do you feel?"

Optimus takes a few seconds to think. He breaks eye contact with Ratchet and looks at the ground. Optimus looks at his right servo, it's been a while since he has held your soft body. 

"I am ... quite saddened by her distance. I may not share the same feelings but I care for her deeply. More than I am willing to admit."

"And did you tell her this?"

"She wished for me to not speak of the matter again and I obliged," Optimus vents heavily again. "I did not want to give her any more pain."

"Processing pain is necessary to heal," Ratchet puts his left servo on Optimu's shoulder plate. "And you, old friend, you might have to learn that your friendship with her might not be the same ever again."

....

"Reporting to you live, (y/n), Jasper News."

He sees you more on TV now than in person. He has always been a fan of your work and how you are so passionate about telling the truth. 

Optimus turns off the TV from his private quarters and heads to the hangar. He finds you there. Not sparing him a glance but his optics were glued to you.

You wore a white long-sleeved button-up shirt with a black skirt that highlights your figure. Your hair was kept in place with a hair clip and you wore glasses. Black heels with pink cheeks and red lips. You had come out of work and came straight here. 

"Oh, Prime. Were you going on patrol duty?"

Were you actually talking to him? Why couldn't he talk? You were smiling at him and yet he couldn't say a word. His voice box may not be working because no matter how much he tries nothing would come out.

He nods.

"Can I come with you? It's been a while since we have ridden together."

Four months and 15 days to be exact. 

He couldn't say a word. And only nods again.

....

To say that he was nervous was an understatement. He could feel and see everything. 

Especially, the skin of your legs on his seat. Optimus was too distracted. So much so that he didn't notice the bump of the road. Casually, you were drinking water and as you were about to take a sip, the water came out from the bottle due to the commotion. Your white shirt became wet, making your black brassier visible to his eyes. 

"Shit. Prime, can you make your widows dark?"

You ask him, feeling uncomfortable at the wet fabric against your skin.

"Of course," Optimus didn't question why he just followed your orders. He darkened all of his windows even the front one. 

He didn't expect you to start undressing. Slowly unbuttoning your long-sleeved shirt. Revealing to him your black lace bra. Optimus honks out of nowhere, steam coming out of his pipe. 

"Are you alright?" You ask him as you put your shirt on top of his air ventilations, hoping your shirt could drive quickly so you could put it back on.

"My apologies, I just-" he is again without words and he made a mental note to tell Ratchet to check up on him "I ... Please can you put your shirt back on? I do not wish to disrespect you."

"What do you mean?" you ask him innocently. Until a stupid idea crossed your mind. "Wait, I thought human attraction was impossible for Cybertronians?"

Optimus keeps quiet and keeps driving.

"Prime ... Do you find me ... attractive?"

He can't answer. If he says yes, what would that imply? If he says no, would that hurt your feelings even more? More importantly, he doesn't know. The only thing he is aware of is that his spark is agitated. He vents air hotter than usual. He is driving faster, and his processor is unable to understand the speed limits.

"What am I saying? Of course, you don't."

Optimus couldn't understand how you could say that when his enstril could sense your perfume. Something new he had never smelled before. Exquisite, delicate and sweet. It's you, your natural smell. The type he can't get tired of.

No. He can't think like that. It's not possible. Something in his system must be wrong.

"I met someone at work."

He didn't like the sound of that.

"I didn't want to say anything until things were steady but I think they are now."

Optimus slows down. He hasn't talked to you for so long and expected this night to be one of those he used to enjoy. The nights in which you would talk about the stars and he would do nothing but listen. The nights in which you would talk about a book and he would ask you about your favorite character. 

The nights in which he could watch the whole universe in your eyes.

....

"The scans are all good, Optimus," Ratchet says. "No anomalies were found."

"Are you sure of these results?"

"Confident."

Ratchet studies his friend's faceplate. He is usually the quiet type. Much had changed about him through the years. But nothing can go unnoticed by him. He knew Orion Pax and most certainly, he knew Optimus Prime. 

"But if you tell me your concern, then maybe I can run a specific analysis."

"It's my spark."

"What?" 

Ratchet was perplexed, he was not expecting that.

"It's in pain," Optimus stands from the gigant medical bed and sits on it. "And my processor only recreates memories of (y/n)."

One second passes.

Then another.

And another.

And one more.

"I do not like to question the ability of your processor," Ratchet doesn't move, he only procures to look at his friend in the optics. "But have you thought that maybe your processor is thinking of (y/n) because she has sparked your software of ... attachment?"

Optimus doesn't say a word and this only confirms Ratchet's suspicions. He has noticed how Optimus has been more distracted. His optics ever so lightly brightened up whenever he heard your name. The longing in every heavy vent his friend would so as the minutes passed without talking to you.

"How do humans ... Show affection?"

Ratchet doesn't need answers. He already knows and he doesn't want to make Optimus feel bad for having emotions. He's actually glad to know that his friend is capable of feeling something at all. Even after everything he is been through.

"From what I've read, giving flowers is a common practice."

"Do you think if I give (y/n) flowers will my feelings be clear?"

Yet, he wonders if it's the right thing. Is this desperation for connection or does Optimus' spark really glow for you? Either or, he wasn't one to make a conclusion.

"I am not certain but I think it's a start."

....

Took longer this time for patrol duty. Making sure he looked everywhere. But being in Nevada's desert didn't help much. There were cacti and grass but nothing that he particularly liked for you.

Until he found something you might like. 

It was delicate, more so than you. It took him an extra hour to get back to base because he was driving slowly. He didn't want to cause the flower any harm, it had to be in perfect condition for it to be worthy of you.

When he finally reached the base, he even took look longer to transform back to his original size. Making sure that his mass-shift didn't disturb the flower. 

He walked to the hanger, with a single dandelion in right servo. It's so minuscule and nervousness starts to kick in his system.

Out of the many kinds of flowers there are on your planet, will you like this one? If you did, would you be kind enough to spare him a smile? Anything that could alleviate his suffering just a little?

He can't deny it. Not anymore. Your absence has devastated him. In ways he can't describe. There may be millions of languages on your planet but not a single one could ever describe the feeling of yearning he has. How can he explain something he has no words for? How can he explain that his spark cries your name and his body begs for your affection? How much he craves for your attention or to at least be worthy of it. May Primus forgive him but would he would throw away his honor if that meant you could take him as yours.

Will this single dandelion be enough to express that?

Optimus is delighted to see you here. His thoughts had gone insane thinking that you were waiting for him. 

Instead, he sees you on the elevation floor, arranging many flowers into a small little white base. There are many of them. Of all kinds of colors and shapes. Then he thought how stupid it was for him to think he was worth even a simple look from you. 

"Hey big guy, guess who got flowers today?" you were content. Looking so happy that his circuits might corrupt. He wanted to be that to you. He wants to be a reason for you to smile. Just him. "I thought I should come and put them in a place where everyone can appreciate them."

And suddenly he gets this strange urge. A dark thought of destroying that which you love, those flowers and especially whoever gave them to you. Because why? Why is it that those flowers can give much more happiness than him? What do they mean to you? Does the person who gave them to you love you more than him?

"Well, what do you think?"

He looks at the flowers once more. His dark thoughts quickly go away. 

He is reminded of the dandelion on his servo. 

You deserved more than this. 

"They are ... adequate."

.....

He doesn't know how long he has been staring at the dandelion. He has grown a hatred towards it. 

Optimus wants to let it go. For the wind to take it and for him to forget about it. Yet, he can't find the energy to do so.

"I am in love with you."

He re-played that scene again and again. Deep down a part of him wished he could go back in time and fix it. If he was sincere with his feelings from the beginning, would things be different?

Would you be with him now? Probably. You will be here, on top of the base and on this cold night, he will carry you close to his chassis. Close enough for you to feel the warmth of his spark. The heat intensifies as it only does when he is near you. 

You would tell him stories and he would listen. Looking at you from time to time because the stars above him did not compare to the beauty of the creature he was holding. 

"Prime?"

He stops daydreaming and finds you next to him. You take a seat, close to him. The vastness of the Nevada desert and the night sky were your view. 

"Are you alright?"

"I am."

He lied but it's not like he can say the truth. He can't tell you that his spark glows in pain for the so much yearning he has for you.

"I am sorry," you look into the distance, a part of you is ashamed and even afraid to look at him "I know I have been a little distant."

"I believe the word 'little' would be an understatement," his voice comes out as aggressive but the last thing he wants is to intimidate you. "But I cannot phantom myself putting any type of blame on you."

"I should have never confessed."

"No," his voice is softer now and he takes the time to look at you. Suppressing his need to hold you closer, he holds onto the dandelion instead, trying to get the courage he needs to give it to you. "I admire your honesty."

"Looking back at it, I am glad you rejected me," you put a string of your hair back on your ear. He knew this action of yours. You did that whenever you got shy and he wondered if he ever made you feel that way. 

"If you didn't I would have never met Alex and I wouldn't have been this happy."

Could you please end his misery? Could Primus be merciful and take his spark right at this moment? Because he can't do it. He can't. Not when he was asked you so many times to call him by his first name just for you to reject him.

Now, you found someone. Someone unknown to him with who you made a connection. A connection so strong that you deemed him honorable to be called by his first name by you.

"Is he ... Worthy of your affection?"

"Yes, I believe so."

But then again. He had his chance. He lost you and your friendship. Optimus knows that after tonight things will be different. As much as he wanted you, he knew you weren't his. Now, he feels stupid and ashamed for ever thinking the universe would be so kind as to gift you to him. 

"(Y/N)?" he calls your name so softly as if his voice box had glitched just for a small second. But you noticed. "Would you allow me to indulge myself in your company? Just this one time?"

There was nothing to say. You just nod.

Blissfully unaware of Optimus' sentiments. 

Unknown to you the dandelion, is still in his servo. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

A/n: The romance was extremely rushed because this is a draft of what's to come in my fanfic 'The Darkest Hour' Of course the story above was a very cramped version of it and everything will happen way more smoothly. I think this story was just points and ideas I want to implement later down the line but I am still not certain in what way I want to take the romance. So I made this to help out and decide what route to take. 

Not this one I think.

Anyway, I am sorry for any mistakes I made. I don't proofread. 

For any questions, comments, concerns, or requests, you may send me a message/ask on this account.

Thank you for reading!

....

Dandelion Prequel:

https://www.tumblr.com/t-a-a-1/769321108184891392/dandelion-prequel?source=share

[briefalpacashark]

~Darkest fear~

The boys of 141 find out your darkest fear.

Warning: Swearing and mentions of needles.

================================================

How well did you fit in with the boys of 141. Too well. From day one you and Soap instantly connected. Price called you Soap 2.0. Why? Because your sarcasm and wit had you and Soap bantering for hours on end. Everything you two would say would just feed and complement the others. And God help whoever you were making fun of that day. One time Gaz had to endure two hours of back and forth. You had worked with Price before, and you were already close. Gaz you become quick friends with. And Ghost, well although slightly intimidated by the giant you came to respect one another, and the specialist abilities you both held. 

After all, you were respectful and kind. You always wore a smile and they would never admit it but to them you were like a little ball of sunshine. Or like a cute little puppy.

One day, about two days before your next mission you walked into base. Into the shared common area. To your surprise you found Gaz, Soap, and Ghost all standing around the far side of the table.

“What's going on?” you asked. Hearing the door shut behind you. You glanced back to see Price locking it and then placing his body in between you and the exit.

“You alright captain?” you asked hesitantly seeing his nervous look. 

“Damn cap, you look like you're trying to shit a brick,” Soap commented with a bemused chuckle. He wore a smirk that showed he was far too happy to be there.

“She can't be that bad,” Gaz shrugged, gesturing to you.

“What am I bad at?” You asked with a confused chuckle.

“Alright love. Now I want you to be calm,” Price raised his hands like he was talking to an injured animal. Love, it was a nickname all the british lads used. 

“Calm, what you on abou-” Your words trailed off as you spotted the syringe in his hand. It was a shot. A vaccination of some kind. Instantly you scooted away from him moving around the table. Your blood ran cold as adrenaline filled your every being. You were scared of needles. Scared to the point where you would do anything to keep away from them.

“The fuck is that cap?” You asked lowly.

“Wait, you're really scared of needles?” Soap chuckled at your reactions as you hide yourself behind him.

“Love, come on now,” Price was really trying his best.

“Price, I told you. I fucken told you. You drug the fuck out of me and then that's when you give me the fucking shot,” You had a plan, one Price knew about and had done before for quite a few of your shots. You would take a sedative and that's when they would stick you. Was it ethical, no in the slightest. but it was the only way of giving you a shot without anyone getting hurt.

“I know, but this one needs to be taken when you're conscious. Something bout side effects or what not,” he explained calmly.

“I told you how I get cap,” you mumbled, pointing an accusing finger at him as you shifted from side to side.

“I know, that's why I got the lads here,” he said, nodding to them. You looked at the three that surrounded you with betrayal.

“You're in on this?” You asked. “Come on lass, it's just a little needle,” Soap smirked loving the ammo he was receiving to tease you later with. "I thought you Australians were supposed to have nerves of steel?" he joked.

“I don't think you guys understand the severity of this. I turn feral ok. I once almost bit a doctor's finger off, ok,” You admitted honestly.

“Almost?” Ghost asked.

“It doesn't matter. Cap you can't do this alright. Let's just do it tomorrow yeah?” You said as you went to slip out of the little corral they had you in only for Gaz to hold up his hand to stop you.

“Grab her,” Price gave the order. 

“Eat a dick Price!” You snapped. Gaz was the first to reach for you. With a cocky and bemused smirk, he went to grab you. A cocky smirk that was slammed against the table. Everyone's eyes went wide at the movement. You had ducked under his hand taking ahold of it and grabbed his neck slamming his face onto the table. It was a reaction; one you had no control over. 

“Oh my god, I'm sorry,” You rushed out the words shocked at your own actions. Soap was the next one to reach for you, well more like tackle. You crouched sliding to your left through Ghost's legs.

------ 

A few other soldiers on the base stared in confusion at the barrack building. What sounded like a bar fight was happening inside. The sounds of breaking furniture and shattering plates filled the air. 

There was a shocking amount of swearing and a few choice sentences before you slammed through the window. Shattering it upon impact and landing from the three story building in a tuck and roll.

And then you legged it. Like the devil himself was on your heels. There was another commotion before the three men stumbled out of the room, Pierce with a busted nose, Gaz holding his head, Ghost dusting the remnants of a broken glass of his shoulder and Soap still laying on the floor inside curled up in the fetal position. His hands clutching his family jewels. 

“How the fucks did she do that?” Price muttered in confusion as they watched your disappearing figure.

The boys in all their wisdom beside to treat giving you the shot like a mission. On the thoroughly planned and scoped out before enacting. Little did they know it would be one of their hardest missions yet. They tried to administer the shot 29 times. Every time they would come up with a different plan. They had tried everything, bribery, outsmarting you, trapping you. None of it worked, you always managed to get away.

“Macgyver!” You bloody froze as you heard your call sign. At that very moment you sat perched up in the very high corner of an aircraft hangar. Had you scaled the walls to get there, yes, was it your greatest idea, no. But you weren't thinking logically. You knew it was stupid how frightened you got but you just weren't able to control it.

“We know you're here,” they called again. You peeked around the large beam spotting only Ghost in the entrance. Instantly you looked for the others. Were they trying to trap you again? 

“Come on Sargent,” He was your Lieutenant. You should have listened to him. But you kept your mouth shut happily perched in your little hidey hole. 

“It's fine. Just so you know Gaz it hurt. Idiot sprained his ankle running afta ya,” He informed. Instantly you felt guilty, and a little worried for your teammate. You wanted to get down and help, but you also knew the possibility of it being a trap. Ghost waited a few moments before cursing under his breath. He began to search the hanger. Under every trap inside every plane. Around every corner. He looked like he was about to give up. Then out of sheer luck for him, and anything but luck for you he looked up. Instantly the two of you made eye contact. He stared for a moment truly grasping the situation, trying to forget about how exactly you got up there. 

“The fuck you doing up there?” his gruff voice asked as he folded his arms over his chest.

“Thought it looked like a comfortable place to sit,” you shrugged nonchalantly. Ghost took in the awkward sit/balanced crouch you had going on.

“Oh yeah, it looks real comfortable,” he said.

“Well I am,” you stated.

“Right, well come on now, fun's over,” he nodded for you to come down.

“Respectfully sir. Suck a dick” Ghost propped an eyebrow at the insult. With your apologetic expression he knew you didn't mean it, but he had to admit. It was refreshing to see someone who was willing to insult him. “Fine, well it's either you get down yourself or I come get you,” he gave you the ultimatum.

“You're right, Let my just give up now and come down. Just like you said,'' You pretended to get ready to descale the walls.

“Thankyou,” Ghost was actually genuinely thankful. He thought by some miracle you were actually going to listen to him. 

“Yeah you know just let me,” Quickly snapping back to your original position you flipped him off. He stared for a few bewildered moments.

“That's just childish,” he said.

“You're a child,” you snapped back.

“Right,” Ghost huffed, walking up to the beams. You watched him as he struggled to scale the walls. After all he was a big man, he was carrying a lot of weight. As he finally reached the beam you were on he turned to look at you. Only you weren't there. He frowned looking down to see you sliding down a beam and hitting the ground. 

“Fuck,” he quickly did the same. Hearing the thunderous footsteps of Ghost feet would be encouragement enough for anyone to run for their lives. To you it was a reminder that you not only insulted your lieutenant but you flipped him off and called him a child. You had just made it outside of the hanger. 

Now you were fast, the fastest on the team when it came to running. You could have outrun him. Only when you stepped out into the open did you feel a sharp pain hit your left ass cheek. 

“Fucking Ass!” you came to a small hopping stop as you looked for the culprit. A little red feathered dart had been plugged into the soft tissue of your ass. 

“Did you just shoot a dart at my ass!” Your bewildered and angry yell was directed to the general direction of where it had come from. Price sat on the roof of a nearby building, dart gun in hand, Gaz by his side with a pair of binoculars.

“Direct hit,” GAz announced.

“She's pissed,” Soap commented as they watched your little tantrum. 

Later that night you stood outside on your little makeshift patio area. You hand rubbing the still stinging spot on your ass with a permanent frown. Hearing the door open you snapped your head around to glare. Ghost silently walked out and stood beside you.

“Using Gaz was a low blow,” you grumbled. Ghost silently looked over you, your cute little frown. It reminded him of a toddler that wasn't allowed to have chocolate. 

“Then what do you call kicking Johnny in the balls?” he asked.

“Tactical,” you grumbled. You were surprised to hear the softest huff of a chuckle come from Ghost. It was times like these you wish you could see his expression. But you were sure you saw the side of his mask where the edge of a smile would be, tilt upwards. The idea of Ghost smiling had you chuckling.

“What's so funny?” he asked.

“All this, I'm a medic you think I'd be comfortable with needles,” you chuckled.

“That ain’t funny. Soap getting kicked in the balls. That's funny. Fucker deserved it,” Ghost said. You chuckled again. Ghost glanced over at you, he liked your laugh. It was always a true honest one.

“Well I guess I should apologize about the disrespect I've shown today,” With a deep sigh you stood at attention. “I apologize for the disrespect I showed and not listening to orders,” You said with an embarrassed smile.

“So what will be the punishment, Lieutenant?” You asked. This was the first time you had done anything wrong with the boys. While they seemed ok with it, you were used to the military hierarchy. You had insulted a higher ranking officer once. It didn't go so well. You expected Ghost to be no different.

“Not gonna punish you,” he shrugged. You let out a relieved sigh closing your eyes. “But,” when you opened them again, Ghost was standing directly in front of you. On instinct you stepped back, hitting the pole you had been leaning on. Ghost closed the distance. You swallowed as he stepped close enough for you to feel his body heat, your neck craned back to make eye contact with him. 

“Don't ever call me a child again,” he stated his voice dropping into a serious tone. You quickly nodded with an awkward chuckle. It was meant to be intimidating, Ghost had used his size to intimidate before. While you were intimidated there was one thing that kept your attention. You could have sworn you could see a smirk under that mask. 

“Um, yeah sure,” You muttered. Leaning down he hovered his head by your ear, his hot breath faint through the mask but you could still feel it. You felt your heart jump. skip a beat and then rattle the back of your throat. Why was he so close?

“I promise you love I'm no kid,” he whispered. You were barely able to frown at his comment when something pricked your thigh. 

“The fuck was that?” you asked at the small amount of pain giving Ghost’s chest a soft shove. He stepped back holding his hand up that held an empty syringe.

“You bastard,” you whispered. Now you were sure he was smirking. You could see it in his eyes.

“Price thought it best not to tell you about the second shot,” he shrugged nonchalantly. Wow, so he basically just gave you a mini heart attack just to give you a shot.

“Next time I need to take blood from you I'm gonna miss your veins so many times,” you threatened half heartedly.

“Good thing I'm not scared of needles,” he said, his eyes shining smugly.

“You..” You glared at the tease. He simply turned towards the door. 

“Fuckers,” you grumbled as you watched him walk back into the barracks.

================================================

--COD Master List Here--

================================================

[lahulotteshitpost]

***Sorry this started out as a rant***

The idea that you only reciprocate someone's love if you can be open about your feelings or date them is honestly insulting.

I find it especially mature from the Doctor to admit she can't date Yaz, knowing it will break her heart.

In LOTSD, you can clearly see the pain on their faces (both of them), but it's the kindest thing the Doctor could have done. Their relationship would have been unhealthy. We know this because we've seen the Doctor losing herself and being a terrible friend to Yaz.

And the Doctor knows that, she knows her mental state won't allow her to actually be in a relationship. She knows the relationship would be toxic, she knows she's been a terrible friend, she even admitted it in Flux but admitting it didn't fix her.

I've lived longer, seen more, loved more, and lost more.

- It Takes You Away

Yaz, I'm sorry. I didn't let you in to what I was doing... what I was looking for. I shouldn't have shut you out.

- The Vanquishers

But the point is, if it was going to be anyone, it'd be you. But I can't. Because at some point time always runs out.

- Legend of the Sea Devils

Not because I don't want to, because I might. But if I do fix myself to somebody I know, sooner or later, it'll hurt.

- Legend of the Sea Devils

The Doctor is very clear:

- she's not been a good friend,

- she loves Yaz,

- she wishes she could date her.

Being in love, even when it's reciprocal, doesn't always end in a relationship. Sometimes, even "trying" is impossible.

They can't be together, because the Doctor can't bring herself to do that. She's been desperately trying to avoid feelings and attachments since she fell into that Sheffield train. Of course, it doesn't work, and of course it's not a healthy coping mechanism, but this is something people go through.

Yaz understands. And I will argue that Yaz got to confess her love to the Doctor in LOTSD, they both expressed their feelings indirectly.

My nani says, courage is knowing something will hurt and doing it anyway. Mind you, she also said it's the definition of stupidity.

- Legend of the Sea Devils

This is Yaz telling the Doctor "I love you, I wish you could get over your fears, but I understand.

(And there is a lot to say about consent, as, clearly, understanding despite the pain is also the healthier reaction. You cannot force someone into a relationship, Yaz has often been mistreated by the Doctor but in this very moment, she is not a victim.)

There's a reason why she adds that bit about "stupidity" and it's not just to make the Doctor laugh.

Their romance is a slow burn with no happy ending. It's incredibly bittersweet, but it's also very real.

Mentally ill people who avoid relationships are often ashamed of it, we don't openly talk about it because it's definitely not "normal". You can be traumatised, depressed, anxious, but you're still in a happy romantic and sexual relationship, obviously.

Except when you can't.

I started shipping Thasmin during Series 12, initially believing it to be unrequited. I never expected it to be more than subtext, in a way it subverted a lot of my expectations.

I'm no different from most shippers, I was hoping for a kiss (every Doctor had one!) although I expected it to be disappointingly non romantic (à la Nine/Rose).

A kiss, the ultimate romantic trope!

Doctor Who didn't give me what I was hoping for.

It gave me something that I desperately needed.

Home.

Representation.

When you are one of those fucked up queer people, afraid of people knowing deep down you can't date, avoiding feelings and relationships because this is how your traumas shaped you, do you really get to see yourself?

Thasmin isn't every queer person, it isn't even every sapphic you will ever meet, but no story is. And their queerness isn't the cause of their doomed love, which I find extremely respectful and far from usual tropes.

I can see myself in them, at different stages of my life. I know some aro/ace spec people see their relationship as very queerplatonic and also felt represented.

Maybe you don't, and that's fine. You don't have to see yourself in them, you don't have to like this story.

Just understand other queer people will.

[incorrectquotesconaisseur]

I think it's time we talked about the doctor's "do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?" in relation to the master.

Bc throughout their lives, everytime the master did something bad, when he’d cone back they'd still have a sort of teasing relationship. Like they both knew it was a game. They both knew their limits and the true extent of their games. So there wasn't really place for betrayal in the game bc they both knew betrayal (on the master's side) WAS involved in it.

Then comes the time war and the doctor thinks he did the unforgivable and committed genocide on his own planet. And then the master shows up, arguably his most important friend, the only one who truly understands him - and then the master does something that's pretty unforgivable by enslaving the human race and turning the people at the end of the universe in killing machines. And yet the doctor, in a very important scene, forgives him like it's the easiest thing. Because they're still the same, the game hasn't changed, they're still on tjr same page, still doing the same things to each other.

And 12 was careful and a bit wary but he wholeheartedly wanted to help missy change - he saved her life in the process too. And I think he was happy at the prospect of missy becoming good bc that meant that the person he felt closest too, who was fundamentally different from him before (and it was okay bc it was in the rules of the game), was ready to be even more like him. Soulmatism x1000.

He thought missy wanted to change the rules of the game and that meant betrayal would no longer be part of it. He wouldn't run and she wouldn't stab him in the back for it.

Thing is - he thinks missy betrayed him. And he STAYED. He asked her to stay too, which is different from what he used to do to her - abandon her, run from her etc. And he thought that he was changing the rules of the game too. But missy betrayed him (in his eyes, he doesn’t know she wanted to come back) and he felt like they no longer even had the game.

The thing with 13 and the master is that the whole "do you think I care for you so little thag betraying me would make a difference?" doesn't seem applicable anymore and you wonder why. Bc it's not like they don't CARE about each other, in a twisted way. It's that the master still wants to play the game, although with significantly more violence because he's significantly hurting more than ever before, and the doctor doesn't want to play the game anymore at all.

[curlyjohnlock]

Hi,

I'm new to this. I'm genuinely curious how johnlock fandom happened. I watched sherlock and didn't notice any chemistry between them. I'm just trying to understand. And how do you feel about Ben and Martin not liking each other in real life? Thanks.

Hello anon!

The Johnlock fandom was born long before BBC Sherlock aired. I think there was a speculation about them in the late 1800s but, obviously, talking about homosexuals was out of the question at the time. But the ship took off in 2010, when it all started.

I have met several people in the fandom who told me they didn't notice anything romantic between the two at first viewing, but then they had to change their minds with rewatches.

Now, it must be said that the characters themselves constantly imply that the two of them behave like a couple.

1. Mrs Hudson

From the first moment, in A Study in Pink, she believes that Sherlock has brought his new 'boyfriend' home.

In The Empty Hearse, she can't believe that John is now engaged to a woman.

"So soon after Sherlock?"

"Hmm... well, yes."

"What's his name?"

"It's a woman."

"A wOmAn?!?" and then she laughs. She sounds rather incredulous, perhaps believing he is moking her.

"You really have moved on, haven't you?"

2. Mycroft

Nobody knows Sherlock better than Mycroft. In A Study in Pink, when he meets John for the first time, he says: "Might we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?" and literally Sherlock and John met the DAY BEFORE! Why would Mycroft bother stalking a poor army doctor if he doesn't believe that Sherlock could be attracted to him? 🤷🏼‍♀️

In The Final Problem, Mycroft already knew that Sherlock would sacrifice him and save John. Sherlock loves John more than Mycroft, AND HE'S HIS OWN BROTHER!

3. Angelo [the restaurant owner in A Study in Pink (although I prefer the one in the Unaired Pilot, better known as the Gay Pilot)].

Angelo has known Sherlock for years, and why would he make Sherlock attractive to John? "Hey, you know this macho guy got me out of prison?" "OH! Wait! I'll get you a phallus candle, that'll be very romantic. 🥰😍😛"

4. Donovan

In The Great Game, when Sherlock finds the abandoned car, Donovan says to John: "I see you're still hanging around him. Opposites attract, I suppose."

This one may not be the best example, but it's worth including.

5. Irene Adler

My God that woman. She's in love with Sherlock, and that's fine. Who wouldn't fall in love with Sherlock or his brain? But she also knows that Sherlock only has his heart set on John. In A Scandal in Belgravia, when they go to her house, she immediately says to Sherlock: "And somebody loves you. If I had to punch that face, I'd avoid your nose and teeth too."

Then, when John goes to Battersea and meets her, she asks: "Are you jealous?"

"We're not a couple."

"Yes, you are."

Again, she met them for literally 3 minutes and immediately realised it!

6. Mary

Mary should hate Sherlock to death (and I'm still convinced that she never liked Sherlock).

What was that proverb again? Respect the owner's dog for your own sake. It means: like the dog to please the owner. Or something like that.

In this case, the owner is John and the dog is Sherlock. It's obvious that at a certain point Mary starts shipping them, almost as if she doesn't really care about John.

7. Magnussen

In His Last Vow, Magnussen meets Sherlock and John for a few minutes, and immediately tells them: "You two are sooo domesticated." Later in the episode, he tells Sherlock that John is "your damsell in distress."

I hope this was exhaustive from Johnlock's point of view! Maybe try looking at it from another point of view and rewatch the whole serie. At that point, if you're still not convinced, it's okay, anon, we don't bite!

Moving on to Benedict and Martin... we all know that Martin has a particular character and that he has trouble getting along with literally anyone, but I don't believe the newspapers. They are journalists, they HAVE to cause a SCANDAL!! Otherwise no one would read them. They take sentences from a completely different context and pass them off as true. Take for example when it was said that Benedict had called Martin 'pathetic.'

There is a video of this interview. The presenter asked Benedict to drink tea the way Martin drinks it, Benedict imitates him and then says 'pathetic', but it is not strictly intended to refer to Martin.

I know for a fact that Martin took it out on Benedict when he got married to Sophie Hunter, just because he didn't invite Martin to his wedding. On the same day, Amanda reported Martin's tantrums on twitter!!! 🤣🤣

Anyway! Even if the rumors were true, it doesn't matter. It's their problem, not ours.

Yes, it may upset us as fans, but these two are real people in the real life.

I'll conclude with this. If you have any other questions, feel free to contact me again! And anyone is welcome to comment on this or ask me anything. 👋🏻

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Nightingales

A Stedancy fanfiction

Summary: Nancy helps Steve take care of an injured Eddie.

Nancy let herself in like Steve said she should. She found him in his kitchen, shirtless with bandages on his back, wrapped around his arms, and his stomach. Steve was leaning against the counter, drinking a glass of water.

"Hey," Nancy said softly.

"Hey," Steve said.

She noticed how tired he was. They all were. It would be a long time before anything would get back to normal, if at all.

"How's Eddie?" Nancy asked.

"Worse than I am, he's sleeping right now," Steve said and sighed. "At least mine are getting better. It seems like sometimes his bites are getting worse. Although the doctor did talk about the possibility of the nerve damage being permanent. I hope not. He doesn't deserve that."

"No, he doesn't," Nancy whispered. "Do you need any help with him? I'll be glad to help. I figured I'd see Dustin over here."

"Yeah, Dustin got into a fight with his mother. She wanted him to stick around, didn't want him wandering off, which I don't blame her. The gates are closed, but they all know now, and the jocks are still on the warpath even though Eddie's been cleared of all charges. Plus, the whole fiasco with the police. . .Anyway, Dustin, as usual, put his foot in his mouth, so now he's grounded," Steve said.

"Yeah, Mike's been put on lock down, too, and he says that Lucas has as well," Nancy said. "The only reason that I got out is that I'm legally an adult, and I chose to stay in that house for as long as possible."

"They're all scared," Steve said.

"Yeah, I don't blame them, either," Nancy said. "Mom's pretty pissed at Joyce and Hopper for keeping them in the dark."

"I don't blame them for that either," Steve said.

"So, I guess Robin's parents have her on lockdown, too?" Nancy asked.

"Oh, yeah, and they don't care that she's now legally an adult either," he said as he finished his water.

Nancy watched him his swallow, staring at his throat for longer than she should have.

"So, you've got no one here to help you out with Eddie?" Nancy asked.

"I mean, Wayne comes by when he can, and Jeff. Gareth, of course, is being taken care of by his mother. His hand is still messed up. Doug refuses to step foot in here," Steve said. "Even if it's for Eddie."

"Why doesn't Doug want to step foot in here?" Nancy asked.

"In his eyes, all jocks are bullies," Steve rolled his eyes. "He tried to convince Jeff and Wayne to break Eddie out of here. I think Wayne might have given him what for, though."

"Well, that's not right. Even back then, you didn't toss anyone around. You were always there to stop Tommy and Carol," Nancy said, and then she smiled. "I wouldn't call you a bully, but a douchebag? Oh, yeah."

"That's fair," Steve smirked.

"Still, you saved his life, Doug should know that you're not a bully just because of your interests," Nancy said.

"It couldn't have been easy to watch Gareth get thrown around like that, especially in Gareth's own garage," Steve said.

"You're a lot more understanding than he is," Nancy said, looking at him softly.

"He'll come around, Eddie did, and if he doesn't, then it's his loss. It's too bad, though, I make really good brownies," Steve said and she laughed.

"I broke up with Jonathan," Nancy said, and Steve smiled, opening his mouth.

"AHHHH!"

Steve and Nancy both jumped. They looked at each other.

"Is that - ?"

"Nightmare."

They both took off. Nancy ran after Steve, her heart racing.

"CHRISSY! WAKE UP!"

They burst through the spare bedroom. Eddie was thrashing about, with the soaked sheets twisted around his legs. Nancy moved toward him, but Steve held her back.

"Eddie! Wake up! You're having a bad dream!" Steve yelled. "EDDIE!"

Eddie's eyes snapped open, and his arm shot out. He hit the pillow next to him.

"Fuck," Eddie sobbed. "I pissed myself again."

"It's okay, Eddie," Steve said and moved towards him. "Let's get you to the bathroom."

Steve and Nancy helped peel back the sheets before helping him sit up.

"You don't have to do that," Eddie said to Nancy.

"I want to. . .unless, do you not want me to help?" Nancy asked.

"I don't care," he scoffed, and Nancy smiled.

Nancy wrapped an arm around Eddie while Steve did the same on his other side. Together, Steve and Nancy helped him to the bathroom. They set him down on the toilet seat.

"You need a bath," Nancy said. "Do you want us to help with that?"

"Steve struggles when he gives me a bath," Eddie mumbled.

"Yeah, he tries to bite me when I give him one," Steve said. "Except when Wayne's helping me."

"Steven Nightingale over here forgets he's injured as well," Eddie said. "He needs a reminder."

"Steven Nightingale," Nancy snorted as she ran the bath, and Steve rolled his eyes. "It fits."

As the bath filled up, they gently helped Eddie out of his clothes. Nancy peeled off his bandages, and she couldn't stop the wince when she looked at his stitches.

"Yeah, it's fucked up, isn't it?" Eddie asked.

"Sorry," Nancy said.

"Don't be," he said.

"It looks a lot better than before," Steve said.

"Is he always this optimistic?" Eddie asked.

"Oh, yeah," Nancy smiled.

"I miss my nipple," Eddie said, holding a hand to his chest.

Nancy laughed and Eddie smiled when she did.

"Laugh it up, Wheeler, and be thankful you've got two of them," he said, showing her his dimples.

They lowered Eddie into the bath, and he hissed slightly before relaxing.

"Any particular way you like to wash your hair?" Nancy asked.

"No," Eddie said. "Go nuts."

"Well, I do. I got shampoo specifically for your hair," Steve said, as he grabbed them.

"You ever worried that one day you're going to go bald?" Eddie asked.

"Why would you say something like that? No, seriously, what have I ever done to you?" Steve asked and Nancy giggled.

"Sorry, I had to poke fun at you, big boy," Eddie said.

"Nancy," Steve said seriously. "My hairline isn't receding, is it?"

"No, you're good," she laughed. "Now, you've done it. He's going to be thinking about it all day."

"This bath is boring. You don't have any bath toys?" Eddie asked.

"How old are you?" He scoffed.

"Old enough," he grinned.

"Why don't you just play with yourself?" Nancy asked.

Eddie and Steve's heads turned to look at her. They both smirked.

"Okay, but you should know that I'm a screamer," Eddie said, gleefully.

"I mean, like, use your imagination," Nancy said, blushing. "That's not any better, is it?"

"No," Steve and Eddie said.

It fell silent as Eddie let Nancy and Steve wash his hair. Nancy smiled as Eddie hummed in contentment. She was pretty sure. . .was he humming Metallica?

"So you broke up with Jonathan, huh?" Steve asked.

"Yeah," she replied.

"So, like, any particular reason. . .?" Steve asked and Eddie snorted.

"Well, there are quite a few reasons. One of them is that we just don't understand each other anymore, and we both want different things," Nancy said.

They fell quiet again as they moved from washing Eddie's hair to carefully washing his body.

"Any other reason?" Steve asked.

"Well, I don't know, I'm trying to think," Nancy said, teasingly.

"Oh, come on, Wheeler, don't leave a man hanging," Eddie said.

"Okay, so one of the reasons might have been you," Nancy asked, smiling.

"Yeah?" Steve asked, grinning.

"Yeah."

"This is nice," Eddie said. "Do you guys usually flirt with each other while touching another man's junk? Unless you guys want me to be a part of this? I'm telling you now that you guys are going to have to do all the work. My arms hurt too much for me to even jerk off. . .hm, this is the most action I've gotten since that girl got dared to sleep with me."

"Sorry," Nancy and Steve said, pulling away and blushing.

"You know, if we were to invite you to sleep with us, I don't think it would be for a joke," Nancy said. "At least for me."

"Me neither," Steve said.

Eddie went quiet after that, his cheeks red. He stared at them for a long time, his dark eyes intense. They carefully got him out of the bathtub and dried him off before rebandaging his wounds. They carefully guided him back to the bedroom, wrapped up in the towel. They set him down in the chair, and Nancy sat down with him on the arm. Steve took the bed clothes down to the wash and came back to replace them with new ones. All the while, Nancy casually combed her fingers through Eddie's wet hair. He sighed and leaned into her touch. Steve placed his hands on his hips with a smile.

"Alright, done," Steve said. "I also got you some new sweats."

Eddie burst into tears and buried his face into Nancy's lap.

"Eddie?" Nancy asked softly.

"You don't have to wear the sweats! I can find you something else, you name it!" Steve exclaimed.

Eddie laughed and sat back up, wiping his face.

"No, Stevie, it's not that. I just don't want to go back to sleep," Eddie said.

"Well, you don't have to if you don't want to. The doctors just recommended that you rest as much as possible until you're ready to move around," Steve said.

"We were dancing," Eddie said softly, eyes downcast.

"What?" Nancy asked.

"In the dream, Chrissy and I were dancing in my old living room. She was laughing and smiling. I twirled her around, and then she did the same for me, spinning me out. When I turned around, she was frozen like she had been - her eyes like they had been in real life. Suddenly, we were falling because the floor had broken underneath us, and I kept trying to reach for her. I couldn't catch her, and I couldn't wake her up. I just wanted to go back. I wanted to dance with her and make her laugh. Suddenly, we were back at that picnic table, but her broken body was sitting there in front of me. I kept wanting her to wake up, for her to actually be there," Eddie sobbed. "I couldn't save her."

"Eddie, there wasn't anything that you could have done," Nancy said.

"I know, everyone keeps fucking telling me that and I keep waiting for myself to believe it," He sniffled. "You must think that I'm so pathetic, I clearly can't handle all this shit."

"And you think we handle it?" Steve asked.

"Look at you," he scoffed.

"Eddie, we may look like we do, but we don't have it all together," Nancy said.

"Yeah, we're complete messes," Steve said.

"You're just telling me that," he frowned.

"Eddie, all of us have nightmares. All of us," Steve said. "I may not scream, but I wake up in the middle of dripping with sweat, and it takes me a minute to realize that there aren't Russians standing over me ready to cut me open."

"Russians?" he asked.

"There was a secret Russian underground base under Starcourt that I got trapped in last year with Dustin, Erica, and Robin," Steve said. "They tortured me, then they drugged Robin and I without our consent."

"Torture? They tortured you?!" Nancy exclaimed.

"Yeah, I thought it was obvious with my bloody face and all," Steve said.

"No, it wasn't," Nancy said. "Oh my god, Steve."

"It's fine, I'm fine, Nancy," Steve said.

"You just said that you have nightmares about Russians standing over you to cut you open," Eddie pointed out. "Oh, yeah, you guys are a mess."

"We're going to talk about that later when you're ready," Nancy said softly and turned to Eddie. "I know what it's like to feel guilty about feeling responsible for someone's death. My best friend, Barb, died, and all I could do was blame myself for it. Not even getting justice for the people who were responsible for it helped. The only thing that did was realizing that there wasn't anything that I could have done and reminding myself of that. . .constantly."

"And time. Time and moving forward really helps, man. Take as many steps as you want, and they can be whatever size you want them to be. They can even be baby steps," Steve said.

"He's right about that," Nancy said, laughing with Eddie.

"It's okay, not to be okay," Steve said, squeezing Eddie's hand. "We all went through hell."

Eddie leaned back against Nancy, letting her start up the hair brushing again. He sighed, wiping his face.

"I hope you don't mind me asking. . . why do you feel like it's your fault that Barb died?" Eddie asked.

"Oh, well, I probably should talk about it. It's still pretty difficult, but I was just beginning to date Steve, and I was completely smitten with him. Will had gone missing, but Steve wanted to throw this gathering with Tommy and Carol. . .which now that I'm thinking about, I realize that you probably didn't want to be alone," Nancy said.

"Yeah, I did do that," Steve said bashfully, scratching the back of his neck.

"Anyway, ever since I laid eyes on Steve, I wanted him. . .all of him. I had this plan. Get a new sweater, get a new bra, and get on birth control," Nancy said. "I wasn't ashamed of how I felt, but I also didn't want to be one of the many girls that he had slept with."

"Uh, it actually wasn't that many, to be honest," Steve admitted.

"What? Why didn't you tell me?" Nancy asked.

"Because I'm not sure that you'd believe me that you were only the second woman that I slept with. I told other people that I didn't sleep with them, but they just assumed that I was ashamed of sleeping with those women," Steve shrugged. "Everyone just wanted to use me for my father's name and popularity. Nancy was the only one who didn't. I should have come clean about that because rationally I knew that you wouldn't be like those other people."

"You know, I never really think that guys like you have it hard, but life really is hard for everyone," Eddie said, shaking his head.

"Well, I found that with the right people, it certainly makes life better," Steve grinned at the both of them.

"Nancy Wheeler, I just wanted to let you know that you have competition now," Eddie grinned.

"You're vunerable right now, I can take you," she laughed.

"I think even if I wasn't, you could absolutely destroy me," Eddie said

"Oh, in the worst way possible," Nancy grinned.

Eddie stared at her, resting his head on her shoulder, letting her brush the hair out of his eyes. A look of realization appeared in his eyes, and they went wide as she looked at her.

"Holy shit, so the first time you two had sex. . .your best friend died?" Eddie asked.

"The first time I had sex over all," she said.

"Damn, I can see how that would fuck you up," he said softly. "I'm sorry that happened."

"For the longest time, I felt ashamed for my feelings for Steve. The last words my best friend told me was that what I was about to do wasn't me. And when I was looking for Barb with Jonathan, he told me that I thought I was being rebellious, but really, that I was every other girl who wanted to sleep with Steve. He told me that I was going to be stuck in a loveless marriage to a former jock just like my parents," Nancy said.

"He said that?" Eddie said. "What a dick."

"He was being defensive. I don't think he actually meant that. At least, I hope he didn't," Nancy said. "For the longest time, I was ashamed of how I felt about Steve. I was afraid that everyone was right. I was even ashamed of having sex. Even when I wanted to be with him, I felt like I shouldn't, I felt like this wasn't what people wanted for me, what Barb wanted for me."

"Forced conformity doesn't just belong to the conservatives," Eddie whispered. "You'll find that people do it in every group."

"Yeah, I suppose," Nancy said and looked at Steve.. "And as the one year anniversary of Barb's death came up, the anniversary that we had sex, I suddenly found myself even more ashamed. I couldn't breathe, but I couldn't think about celebrating that. I was drowning and I wanted to tell you how much I loved you but I couldn't. You were there for me, you were there every step of the way for me during that year and I couldn't stop the shame I felt for loving you and also having feelings for Jonathan. He was the easier path to follow, the one that hurt the less. It was always you, Steve. I have always loved you. No one else got me the way that you did. No one else saw me the way that you did. It's always been you, Steve Harrington."

Steve had been holding his face in his hands and finally, his body started to shake with sobs.

"If you don't go to him, I will," Eddie said.

Nancy kissed Eddie's forehead, got up, and slid into Steve's lap. She tilted his head up, his red rimmed eyes meeting hers.

"Sorry about crying," Steve said.

"It's sweet," Nancy said.

She kissed Steve’s forehead, both cheeks, as well as a kiss on his nose before finally pressing her lips to his. She could feel more tears spill out, and a little sob came out as he kissed her back. She smiled and deepened it further, wrapping her arms around his neck as he placed his hands on her hips. Her decision solidified even further as she slipped her tongue into his mouth, and he let out a moan. She suddenly felt like there were eyes on the back of her neck, and she remembered that Eddie was still in the room. Nancy didn't stop, and she didn't want to stop. She wanted Eddie to keep watching. Steve was the one to break the kiss, however.

"Sorry, Eddie, we forgot you were there," Steve said.

"No, man, it was a great show," Eddie said, his smile so wide his dimples were showing and his eyes were twinkling.

Nancy looked at Steve's hair, running her hands through it.

"You know, I think your hair might be receding a little," she said thoughtfully.

"What?!"

"You're right, Eddie, that was fun," Nancy said, and Eddie cackled.

Over the next couple of weeks, Nancy spent time between her house and Steve's. She was determined to help both Steve and Eddie, even when Steve didn't realize that she was helping him. Eddie was starting to move around more, and he could even walk downstairs, although he had to have help. Nancy insisted on having their first date at his house and having Eddie join them. Eddie, however, didn't know that it was a date, but Nancy just couldn't leave him out. Neither could Steve, apparently.

"Okay, so, I heard that you're going to Emerson, or at least you're planning to," Eddie said as he slurped the spaghetti.

"Oh, well, we don't have to talk about that," Nancy said, blushing.

"Did those idiots reject you?" Eddie asked. "Because I read the article that you wrote about me. . .thank you, by the way. . .it was totally metal. They'd be stupid to reject you."

"I agree," Nancy said, looking down at her food.

"I didn't know they rejected you, I thought you had gotten accepted," Steve said.

"Well, I did, but they sort of took it back," Nancy said.

"Hold on, did they - did they reject you because you helped me?" Eddie asked.

"No!" Nancy lied, and Eddie gave her a look. "Okay, yes, they did, but that makes them total assholes!"

"Goddamnit!" Eddie cursed, dropping his fork.

"Eddie, I don't regret helping you. As long as I live, I will never regret helping you or helping save this town. We saved the world, and maybe no one will ever know about that, but I'm okay with that. I would set my own career on fire if it meant saving you. . .this town. I risked it all to get justice for Barb and I'd do it again. I lost my job last summer to find the truth. There's nothing that I wouldn't do in order to do the right thing. Saving you was the right thing to do, Eddie Munson, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"Nancy Wheeler, she cares about people," Steve said proudly.

"It's just. . .your dream," Eddie said.

"Emerson rejecting me isn't going to stop me from writing," Nancy said. "I can do anything and still write. Plus, I am putting in my applications to other places, and I know that one of them is going to accept me. When I do get accepted, I'll send Emerson a poloroid of the acceptance latter, a picture of my middle finger, and maybe a picture of my ass. One day, when I make it big, they're going to regret rejecting Nancy Wheeler."

"Well, damn," Eddie grinned. "That's definitely a plan."

"She always has one," Steve said.

"Quit trying to make me fall in love with you, Wheeler, you're taken," Eddie said and shoved spaghetti into his mouth. "You and Steve both. . .you're killing me."

Nancy and Steve smiled at each other as Eddie ducked his head as he ate. Ducking his head caused his hair to fall into the spaghetti. Steve rolled his eyes and pulled a scrunchie out of his pocket. He got up and pulled Eddie's hair up into a ponytail.

"Eddie!" Steve clucked his tongue, and Nancy laughed.

As Nancy waited to hear back from colleges, she kept busy. She wrote and sent papers out to other newspapers. She did end up getting a part-time job at Bradley's Big Buy, which was a good distraction as well. During all of that, she managed to keep up with Steve and Eddie. They were a handful now but also a wonderful distraction. Eddie was moving around even more now, and he could even take baths by himself. He can also walk down into the living room without any help. Robin was the first one out of lockdown. . .well, officially. She still went to work with Steve.

"When you said, you were spending time with both Nancy and Eddie, I didn't know you meant like this," Robin said after bursting into his living room.

Steve was sprawled out next to Nancy on the couch. Steve was shirtless and wearing sweats. Meanwhile, Nancy was wearing Steve's shirt and no pants. Her legs were draped over Eddie's shoulders as he sat on the floor and let her braid his hair while he massaged her feet. The television was blaring in front of them.

"What did you think that I meant, you knew I was taking care of Eddie? Did you think I'd keep them separated?" Steve asked.

"Your girlfriend has her bare legs wrapped around another guy's neck," Robin said.

"I noticed," Steve said.

"I've touched his dick, too," Nancy said and Eddie snorted. "Then again, so has Steve."

"Does that make you more or less confused?" Eddie asked.

"More," Robin said. "You know, I don't want to know. . .unless you'd rather just put me out of misery and tell me."

"We're friends, Robin," Nancy said, rolling her eyes. "I've been helping Steve nurse him back to health."

"You tend to get a little close when you give a grown man a bath," Steve said.

"Whatever, so, my parents finally freed me, and I'm pretty sure that it won't be long before the other parents start to cave," Robin said.

"I know, Dustin's been hounding me to visit. He really wants to," Steve said. "His mother finally ungrounded him."

"He's been calling like 24/7, not that I mind," Eddie said and grinned. "I'm already planning a campaign. . .it's going to be so fucking chaotic. It's going to be here, too, so Doug's just going to have to stow his shit."

"What's the problem with Doug?" Robin asked.

"He hates me because I'm a jock," Steve said. "He won't step foot in here."

"Well, Doug's going to get his ass kicked if he doesn't turn that shit around," Robin said. "Did he learn nothing? Don't hate people because of their interests! Hate them because they're assholes!"

"Ah, he'll come around, I did!" Eddie beamed, and he nuzzled Steve's knee with his cheek, looking up at him with his warm brown eyes.

"Hell, if Jonathan can come around then I believe in Doug," Steve said.

"If Doug could hear you right now. . .," Nancy said.

"He'd be a piece of melted butter like I am," Eddie sighed.

"Seriously, what's going on with you three?" Robin asked, and they just smiled.

The summer had been hotter than usual, and it seemed to last longer than last year. At least, it felt that way to Nancy. Maybe she was just eager to hear from the other colleges. Now that Eddie was able to drag himself outside, the trio spent a lot of time in the pool and a lot of time beside it. He seemed to be doing better with his nightmares, especially after talking with Nancy and Steve. Of course, that had to change when the worst storm of the summer hit Hawkins. Lightning flashed in the sky, and thunder shook the house while rain came pouring down outside. Eddie pouted, staring longingly at the pool, his nose pressed up against the glass door.

"The water is calling to me, Steve," Eddie pouted. "It knows that in order for me to be completely better, I need to swim. It's the sky that's against me."

"Yeah, the sky has it out for you," Steve scoffed. "Come on, we can sit down and watch television. Don't be so dramatic."

"You and Nancy love it when I'm dramatic," Eddie pointed out. "Ooh, I feel a rant coming on."

"Seriously! That's even better," Steve said and dragged him into the living room. "Nance! Forget about Magnum PI, Eddie feels a rant coming on!"

"Oh! I'll go make popcorn. Eddie, hold that thought!" Nancy exclaimed.

Nancy rushed back into the room with a bowl of popcorn and bottles of water tucked under her arm. She handed water to Steve and then curled up next to him. She waved at Eddie to start. They loved it when he ranted. It was one of their favorite past times. Lately, they've started coming up with topics to throw at him, but not tonight, Eddie actually had a topic in mind.

"Okay, so I was thinking about my mom the other day and how she left Tennessee because she fell in love with my dad. I mean, I think she would have stayed if her family hadn't been such complete assholes. How different would my life have been? I wouldn't be right here! They found out she had sex before marriage, and they kicked her out?! This is the same family who wanted her to get married so she could have sex and give them grand babies. So, she skipped the marriage part? What's the difference? Why does it fucking matter? It's because sex is disgusting, it's a tool to create more humans, and you shouldn't get any enjoyment out of it, especially women! According to them, anyway. Why the fuck shouldn't women enjoy sex if they wanted to, you know? It's fucking gross, let a woman have sex if she wants to and if she doesn't want to than that's great, too! It's like society wants women to have sex and also be ashamed of it, too! You know what? Fuck society! I just keep thinking about my mom. . .pregnant at 19 and looking at the only family she had. . .my father. Boy, she was disappointed. Women deserve to be treated like the queens that they are! Nothing should hold them back from doing whatever the fuck they wanted to!" Eddie yelled. "Or whoever the fuck they wanted to."

Nancy and Steve watched as he climbed onto the coffee table, continuing to rant.

"God, he's so sexy when he rants," Nancy whispered.

"Yeah, he is," Steve replied.

BOOM! A loud clap of thunder sounded from outside, startling Eddie right off the table and into their arms. The lights flickered for a moment, and they all held their breath before they went put completely. Eddie clung to Nancy, burying his face into her neck.

"Well, now, what?" Eddie asked.

"Strip poker," Nancy blurted out.

Steve and Eddie turned to look at her. They grinned. Nancy beamed. It had gotten Eddie to smile.

"If you wanted to see us naked, Wheeler, all you had to do was ask," Eddie said.

"Do you want to play or not?" Nancy asked.

"This was a terrible idea," Eddie said, a little later.

He threw down his cards and crossed his arms.

"Well, I don't know why you made the last thing you take off your socks," Steve said.

"My feet get cold, Steve," Eddie said.

Nancy, Steve, and Eddie were sitting around his kitchen table. Steve was completely naked. Eddie was only wearing his socks, and the only thing that Nancy had managed to lose was her shirt. She was pretty sure that Steve had lost on purpose. Nancy smirked and pooled her winnings.

"Oh. This is a great shirt, Eddie," Nancy said.

"That's my favorite Metallica shirt, Nance," Eddie whined. "Can I have it back?"

"Hm, I should try it on first before I decide," Nancy said thoughtfully.

She unhooked her bra and dropped it on the floor. She smirked when Eddie let out a loud yelp. She slipped on the shirt.

"I've decided," Eddie said, staring at her. "I like it better on you."

"You're evil, Nancy Wheeler," Steve laughed and she giggled.

"She definitely knows exactly what she's doing," Eddie said. "And I love it."

Suddenly, the lights flickered back on, and Eddie let out a holler. He rushed into the living room and started blasting Metallica.

"He forgot to put his clothes back on," Steve said.

"Did he forget or did he choose not to?" Nancy asked in amusement.

"I'm glad he's feeling better," he said.

"Me too."

While the storm had stopped for a while, it came back that night when they had all gone to bed. Nancy was spooning Steve as the storm raged on outside.

"I don't think I can get to sleep," Steve said.

"Me neither, want to have sex?" she asked.

Steve turned around in Nancy's arms and leaned in to kiss her when they heard a whimper from outside the door. They pulled away from each other.

"Eddie?" Nancy asked.

Eddie timidly peaked his head through the crack in the door, his hands over his eyes.

"We played strip poker earlier and he's covering his eyes," Steve said.

"It's for my benefit, I don't what to know what you do to each other. I wouldn't be able to get it out of my head," Eddie said.

"Well, we weren't having sex yet, so you're good," Steve said.

"Yet? Shit, I'll go," Eddie said, dropping his hand.

"No, Eddie, what's wrong?" Nancy asked.

"Well, I can't sleep, the lightning and the thunder are reminding me of the Upside Down and I . . . ," Eddie trailed off. "Can I sleep with you guys?"

Nancy smiled and looked at Steve, who nodded. Eddie crawled in between them, slipping underneath the covers. He laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling before turning over on his side and facing Nancy. She leaned on her elbow, looking at him. She stroked his cheek with her free hand.

"You want to tell us what else is bothering you?" Nancy asked.

Eddie sighed happily as Steve rubbed his back.

"No, I just want to stop thinking about it all for once," he said.

"You need a distraction?" Steve asked, his lips close to his ear.

"A really good one," he sighed.

Nancy leaned over Eddie and kissed him, her hair tickling his face. She felt Steve shift and attach his lips to Eddie's neck. Eddie gripped Nancy's waist, his hands slipping underneath the Metallica shirt that she was still wearing.

"Fuuuuck."

Things got even better after that, and suddenly, the three of them barely wanted to leave Steve's bedroom. Nancy really took control of the situation. There wasn't a single drop of shame in her entire body. . .there wasn't anything to feel guilty about. She loved every minute of it. She loved every touch, every kiss, and she loved being with both of them. She loved watching them together even more. What's even better was the cuddling naked afterward, and they let down more of their walls. . .it was all so intimate. The idea of being this intimate used to scare the shit out of Nancy, and it used to make her want to run away, and on several occasions, she did run away. She wasn't going to let fear stand in her way anymore.

"Did I ask you if I could host Hellfire here?" Eddie frowned.

He was sitting in between Steve's legs on the floor of the living room, his back against his chest as he scribbled in his notebook.

"No, you did not, but I don't mind," Steve said. "I plan on baking for it, anyway, I hope you don't mind."

"Are you going to make your brownies?" Eddie asked. "Please say yes, please say yes."

"Yeah, Eddie, I'm going to make my brownies," he laughed.

"Hell yeah!" Eddie said.

"I love seeing you so happy," Steve said.

He pressed a kiss to Eddie's cheek before ducking his head down and going for his neck. It was his favorite spot, Nancy noticed. She was sitting across from them, scribbling in her own notebook.

"I'm going to try my hardest to get off of work in time," Nancy said. "I don't want to miss a thing."

"Thanks, baby," Eddie grinned. "And Steve, I cannot finish with you doing that."

"Oh, am I doing it wrong?" Steve asked.

"You never do it wrong, but I need to finish this up for tomorrow," Eddie said. "And once I'm finished, you have my full attention, big boy."

"So, tomorrow? Are you ready for that? It'd be the first time the kids have seen you since you were on your deathbed," Nancy said.

"Oh, I'm ready, I'm just wondering if the kids are," Eddie said and rubbed the scar on his cheek.

Steve moved his head to the other side and kissed his scarred cheek.

"You're beautiful," Steve said. "And the kids love you. You're not going to scare them off."

"Fuck it," Eddie said, tossing his notebook aside.

He turned around in Steve's arms, kissing him.

"I can finish this article later," Nancy said and locked her eyes on them.

The next day, Nancy rushed into Steve’s house, peeling off her vest. She found Eddie watching Steve bake in the kitchen.

"It hasn't started yet?" Nancy asked.

"Nope, you're just in time, sweetheart," Eddie said.

"Good," Nancy said as Steve slid the brownies into the oven. "I have a surprise for you, Eddie."

"Ooh, I love surprises!" Eddie grinned.

Nancy moved back towards the front door.

"Alright! You guys can bring it in!" Nancy called out and then moved back to Eddie. "Dining room."

Eddie moved out of the kitchen with Steve and Nancy. Argyle and Jonathan came through the hallway carrying a chair.

"My throne!" Eddie exclaimed.

They followed them into the dining room, which was also the living room, and watched them set it up at the head of the table.

"They helped me break into the school to steal it," Nancy said.

"You broke into the school for me?" Eddie asked, clutching his chest.

"Well, not just for you, I think Nancy would find any excuse to break in anywhere," Steve joked.

"Our beautiful thief," Eddie beamed.

"Also. . .," Nancy said, ignoring them, and grabbed her bag.

"Ooh! More stuff!"

She pulled out a 2 liter of Mountain Dew and a silver goblet.

"I thought to grab the chair, but it was Steve who thought to bring you this," Nancy said. "We know that it's been a drag for you not to be able to leave the house just quite yet, so we wanted to do something to cheer you up."

"This is the most romantic thing that anyone's ever done for me," Eddie whispered.

He cupped Nancy's face and kissed her deeply before doing the same with Steve.

"Oh, wow, he really appreciated it," Jonathan said.

"Oh, man, I like you, Eddie, but I don't want you to kiss me," Argyle said. "I'm seeing someone."

"He's our boyfriend," Nancy laughed.

"Boyfriend?!" Eddie exclaimed. "You really want me to be your boyfriend?"

"Yeah, we were going to talk about it after the game," Steve said. "Now is a good time as any."

"This day keeps getting better and better," Eddie said, pulling them into a hug. "You won't regret this. . .well, only a little bit. . .okay, so, maybe a lot, but I'm going to make it worth it, I swear."

Eddie pulled away, his arms around the both of them.

"I'm glad you're happy, Nance," Jonathan said.

"Yeah, I'm very happy," Nancy said, scratching Eddie's stomach. "I'm glad you're happy, too."

"Yeah," Jonathan said, looking at Argyle.

"You guys staying for Hellfire?" Eddie asked. "The kids were wanting pizza, so Steve will be ordering that, but he also made his famous brownies."

"That sounds like fun," Jonathan said.

"One thing, though, can I make the pizza?" Argyle asked.

"You're going to want him to," Jonathan grinned.

"Hell yeah," Eddie grinned.

While Steve helped Argyle in the kitchen, Nancy and Jonathan helped Eddie set up in the dining room. It wasn't long before the kids showed up, driven by the parents. That had been the agreement to let them come over. The parents would drop them off and pick them up. They came rumbling into Steve’s house like a wild stampede.

"Hey! Slow down!" Steve yelled.

"Eddie!" Dustin, Mike, and Lucas yelled before barreling into him.

"Hey, you little shitheads, careful! He's not a 100% yet, I don't want you assholes undoing all of mine and Nancy's hard work," Steve said.

"Bless him, he's so protective," Eddie said. "And I'm fine."

"Nancy's been helping out?" Dustin asked.

"And she's been absolutely lovely," Eddie asked, giving her a one-armed hug and kissing her forehead. "Couldn't have gotten through this without her or Steve. Well, I suppose I could have but I wouldn't have wanted to."

"See? I told you he was awesome," Mike said.

"I never doubted you, Michael," Nancy replied, rolling her eyes.

"Don't call me Michael, Nancy Eloise!" Mike replied.

"Don't call me Nancy Eloise, Michael!" She yelled.

"Delightful," Eddie grinned.

A few minutes later, Jeff, Gareth, and Doug showed up. Although Doug looked like he wanted to be anywhere else. When Steve asked Gareth about his arm, Doug let out a snort of derision. Gareth elbowed him in the stomach.

"Yeah, Doug hasn't really forgiven me for siding with Jason," Lucas told Nancy.

"Yeah, but you came to your senses and helped Eddie," Nancy frowned.

"It doesn't matter to him," Lucas said sadly.

"I'll be keeping an eye on him. Don't worry about him. You apologized and made up for it. If he can't accept it, that's on him," Nancy said, squeezing his shoulders. "You have a good heart, Lucas."

"Thanks, Nance," Lucas said and snorted. "I told Max, and she's threatened to run Doug over with her wheelchair."

"How is that going?" Nancy asked.

"Good, better than ever. Her mom is doing better, too. Right now, her mom and El are helping her with her physical therapy," Lucas said and paused. "Hold on, do I smell Steve’s brownies?"

"Yes," she giggled.

"Hell yeah!"

Robin and Vickie, who also drove Robin here, were the last ones to arrive. Finally, the party could start. The feast was first, with Eddie at the head of the table. Nancy sat to his right, and Steve sat to his left. Doug, of course, sat as far away from Steve and Lucas as possible. When it came time to partake of Steve's brownies, Doug turned his nose up at it.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he poisoned it," Doug said. "All the nerds are here. It would be the perfect opportunity."

He closed his mouth and took the brownie when no one laughed at his poor 'joke.' Nancy and Eddie narrowed their eyes at Doug. That was his first strike. They all decided to enjoy their brownies and hoped that Doug wouldn't put his foot in his mouth again. It seemed to be going well. They cleared the table after desert and set up the game for the people who were playing. The ones who weren't playing walked across the room to the living area. It was a huge open concept with the living room on the other side. They easily turned the couch around to face the dining table so they could see and hear everything that was going on. Steve collapsed on the couch with Nancy.

"Oh, is Steve Harrington too good to play with us or just too stupid to handle the math?" Doug said.

Nancy and Eddie glared at him again. She could feel Steve tense underneath her and she could have sworn she heard Robin growl beside her. Strike two.

"Hey!" Eddie snapped. "I don't want to hear that kind of shit from you again, Douglas."

"What the fuck is your problem, anyway?" Jeff asked. "You know that math isn't my strong suit, either."

"Sorry, man," Doug muttered. "I told you guys that I didn't want to be here. I'm only doing this because I didn't get to visit Eddie."

"Then fucking leave, man, I don't want someone around who doesn't really want to be here," Eddie growled. "And you not coming to see me is your own doing."

"I haven't played with you guys in a while, so I'm going to play," Doug said.

"Well, how about you be a little nicer to the guy who's invited you into his home?" Eddie asked.

"Fine," Doug said.

"Good."

"If it bothers him so much, I can go upstairs," Steve muttered.

"This is your home, Steve. If he says shit again, we're kicking him out," Nancy said. "He needs a reality check."

She leaned further into him, throwing her legs over his and kissing him. She stroked the back of his neck, running her fingers gently through his hair. They smiled as they watched Eddie switch into the role of dungeon master.

"He's just as sexy when he dms," Steve said, and Nancy hummed in agreement.

It was almost smooth sailing, and Eddie was an absoute rockstar with the way he weaved the story. Honestly, Nancy and Steve couldn't wait until Eddie started to play with Corroded Coffin again. It was nice to see Mike, Dustin, Will, and Lucas play together again. It was nice to see Will get to know Eddie as a dungeon master. Of course, it was going great until Eddie introduced a character that sounded a lot like Steve. Doug snapped.

"Oh, come on, did Harrington brainwash you?" Doug asked.

"Douglas!" Eddie shrieked.

"No, seriously? What is everyone's deal with suddenly being okay with Harrington and being okay with Sinclair, who betrayed us? Why is everyone okay with hanging around with someone like him who hurt us?" Doug asked. "Did everyone forget about what they did to us? What they did to Gareth?"

"I certainly didn't, asshole, and I'm more than okay with them," Gareth scowled. "Because they're not the assholes who hurt us."

"Come on, Eddie, you used to make fun of jocks and everyone else who hated us," Doug said.

She was about to intervene when Eddie slammed his hands on the table and stood up.

"Because not every hates us, we make the assumption that everyone does because a few people do! Yeah, I used to think like that, but I grew out of it. . .I realized that Steve Harrington was different from all those other meatheads who couldn't shake the fact that we're different, so that must mean we're wrong. Steve saved my life. He brought me into his home when he didn't have to, and he nursed me back to health along with Nancy Wheeler. They sacrificed so much for me even when I didn't deserve it. I was such an idiot, I screwed up the plan, but Steve picked me up and carried me all the way to the hospital. Nancy sacrificed her career to find the truth for me, for her friend, and for everyone in this goddamn town. I'm not brainwashed! I'm in love!" Eddie shrieked.

While everyone was all distracted, Robin got up and walked around the table, right behind Doug. She pulled the picture frame off the wall and went to raise it over Doug's head, Doug none the wiser. Vickie quickly ran to her girlfriend and took the frame away from her, putting it back on the wall. Robin pouted as she guided her back to her seat.

"What?" Doug asked.

"I am madly, deeply in love with Steve Harrington and Nancy Wheeler. I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for them. You're just like all the assholes who make the assumptions that because we listen to heavy metal, we're satantists! I won't have you talk shit about Steve anymore! I'm crazy about him, about Nancy, and I would do anything for them. I would bear their children if they fucking wanted me too!" Eddie yelled.

"Uh, Eddie, you're a man, you can't get pregnant," Dustin timidly pointed out.

"Don't rain on my parade, Henderson!" Eddie shrieked. "Listen, Doug, I think it's time for you to leave."

"What about the game?" He asked.

"I'll decide whether to let you back into Hellfire and Corroded Coffin when you decide to let go of your disgusting views," Eddie sneered. "We can keep playing without you."

"Fine," he muttered, and he pushed his chair back.

"And you know what's the worst thing about all of this?" Eddie asked Doug. "While you had no faith in Steve, Steve had all the faith in you that you'd come around."

Doug's face softened as he looked guilty. He sighed sadly before walking out of the house. Eddie sighed and sat back in his chair. Steve moved over to him.

"Are you okay?" Steve asked.

"Am I okay? Are you okay, sweetheart?" Eddie asked.

"Oh, more than okay, no one's ever defended my honor before," Steve said, blushing.

"You deserve it," Eddie said and pulled Steve into his lap.

"So, all three of you?" Dustin asked.

"Yeah," Eddie said.

"Cool!" Dustin beamed and everyone else muttered their agreements.

"So," Nancy said, leaning on his shoulder. "You're in love with us, huh?"

"Yeah," Eddie grinned.

Nancy looked at Eddie then to Steve, who smiled at her, his hazel eyes twinkling.

"We're in love with you, too," Nancy said.

Eddie kissed Nancy before doing the same with Steve.

"Are we going to ignore the fact that Eddie wants them to get him pregnant?" Mike asked.

"Well, it's not like we haven't tried," Nancy smirked.

"Ugh, GROSS, Nancy," Mike scowled. "We just ate."

"Ignore him," Nancy said. "I'm sorry about Doug, Eddie."

"I still think he'll come around," Steve said.

"Well, if Steve has faith in Douglas, then I do, too," Eddie grinned.

"I know what will cheer you up," Nancy smiled. "I got into college."

"Holy shit! Why the fuck didn't you lead with that earlier?" Eddie asked. "That's great!"

"It really is," Steve agreed.

"It's a lot further than I had hoped, but it's a good school with a good journalism program," Nancy said.

"We'll make it work," Steve said. "You deserve this."

"Hell yeah," Eddie said. "You worked your ass off for this, and you never gave up. You more than earned this. We won't give up either."

"I love you," Nancy said and kissed them both.

"Alright, anymore drama?" Dustin asked. "Or are we going to play?"

Eddie scowled and threw a piece of paper at him. He patted Steve’s ass.

"All right, let's play," Eddie said.

"You can't dm with Steve in your lap, Eddie," Mike said.

"I've done a lot of things with Steve in my lap. You have no idea what I'm capable of, Michael," Eddie said.

"Don't call me Michael! And GROSS!"

Nancy laughed as she sat back on the couch with Robin and Vickie. She watched her beautiful men, her eyes twinkling with joy. The three of them still had a lot of healing to do, but Nancy knew they'd get there together.

[glitchy-across-aus]

Amnesia

Tyler One Shot, 3,384 words

I really hate puzzles. It's weird, because I'm more of a problem solving girl, but puzzles just piss me off for some reason. I hate TVs too. I don't know what it is about them, but they just bug me. Mario's always watching some stupid thing on the TV, which kinda makes me wanna smash it to pieces with a hammer. Again, it makes no sense to me since I don't mind playing video games with them, even when I keep losing to everyone because I've never played before. It's just the TV in general, I guess. Although I recently learned my biggest trigger is TV static. I don't know why, but I get weird flashbacks everytime I hear it. Even though it was only once since I've been here. I started seeing images and they filled up my head and I didn't know what was going on and then someone reached out and I couldn't see who it was so I swung but it turned out to be Meggy so she blocked me and she asked me if I was okay and then-

And then I got up. And I left. And I came back a few hours later. And they never brought it up. Nor have I heard any TV static since. 

But anyways, Meggy and Smg4 took me to the doctor yesterday, which I don't know why a centaur would wanna be in the medical field, nor did I trust the guy, but at least he was gonna tell me exactly what was wrong with me….until he gave me my doctors note and it was literally a scribble. Like, excuse me sir, what the HELL is this supposed to be? Chicken scratch?? Anyways I gave it to the axolotl looking guy who was working at the pharmacy and somehow HE KNEW WHAT IT SAID?? I swear I'll NEVER understand doctors. Anyways, he gave me this bottle of pills and sent me on my merry way. Guess who STILL doesn't know what's wrong with her? Me :). So I figured I'd Google what the pills were for and guess what? Apparently I have something called “Amnesia” which, according to Google, means “permanent or temporary memory loss.” 

Huh??

add “doctors” and “pharmacists” to the list of things I hate.

I talked to Three recently, and he asked me if I was going to get my own house. I told him I didn't plan too. “Why not?” he asked, stacking cups next to the coffee machine. I shrugged and continued my task-cleaning out the new pastry display. “Smg4 lets me live in his guest room for free. Why would I wanna pay for a house?” He laughed and asked if I wanted to live with him forever. “Well, not forever, obviously. Just until I go home.” I replied, now adding pastries to the display case. “Tyler. About that…” I turned and looked at him, confused. It was the first time I've ever seen him look sad. “Tyler, you don't even know where you're from. How do you plan on getting home if you can't remember how you got here? Might as well get used to living in the Mushroom Kingdom, you know.” I rolled my eyes and ignored him. What would he know? I'm completely fine living in the castle. It's not like Smg4 does much anyways, other than making videos. Which he should make better, by the way. I mean, he lacks creativity, and a story in general. The whole point of making something is to entertain your audience. How is he going to do that if he's so focused on his “it doesn't have to be perfect” bs? I swear, some people don't deserve their fame, or money, or power or reviews or stars. 

5. stars.

What am I saying? I don't know anything about true art. I've never even made anything myself. Maybe those doctors were right.

Damn Amnesia…

(tagging @its-a-me-mango and @psychologistlemon bc I thought you guys being the doctor/pharmacist was funny)

[itsmaferart]

I think the best thing about the last chapter is how we again see the parallel between Twilight and Yor's feelings in opposite ways.

I know many people point out that Yor is still too clumsy at this point to burn her husband's shirt, probably distracted by the knowledge that he's taking a bath. But the best chapter is seeing Twilight and Yor's feelings mature in different ways.

Yor is learning to define what he wants and express it.

As I said in previous comments, Yor doesn't often verbalize his needs and wants, because she doesn't know what she wants or is looking for.

But this time, we have Yor, expressing her desire to 'be in an equitable relationship'. A true marriage. She doesn't just want to figure as a mother and take care of Anya, she wants to be for Loid, to take care of him, to be his support.

This arc presumed us about the possible first couple argument between the Forger's, but the real issue was that Yor wanted to be more involved in the relationship, while Twilight is saturating 24-hour work wearing out his own physique.

Yor's chapter with her friends, shows us how Yor apparently has no complaints about Loid. He is basically a perfect husband, loving and attentive, able to do all the chores. That's why he has to make up a fake excuse to appear normal. Yor's real grievance was never against Loid, and his efficiency but rather her genuine desire is to be a support for him.

She knows that he doesn't need her to be a functional person, he can do everything on his own and that makes her feel like a bad partner. But the truth is that Yor can also see through her husband's exhaustion, and knows that while Loid strives to fulfill all his duties as father, husband, doctor, spy it is at the cost of his own health. Which could one day take a severe toll on him.....Somehow, Loid's all-encompassing idea makes Yor feel that she is not contributing much (although she is not).

Meanwhile, Twilight is desperately trying to always be perfect, overworking at work and at home. He always wants to do everything at home so that Yor is not dissatisfied with his arrangement and does not leave him because he is so much in love with her, because of the mission.

The confrontation against Yuri and Wheleer makes him finally face these feelings (or part of them). His doubts for his family are what really weaken him, because he still doesn't want to accept that they are his greatest strength. Putting Yor's welfare above his job by keeping Yuri alive, the fact that he lets his guard down and feels lost, and that his greatest terror is having to return home to continue the supposed argument with his wife.

Yor's sweet smile made him relax for a moment and his whole body collapse, he was no longer in alert mode, everything will be fine as long as she is there to smile. He only found the angelic aura of his beautiful wife.

I think the highlight of this arc was not having Yor and Loid come into conflict, but having them both begin to open up emotionally. Yor talking about their needs and desires to feel involved and Twilight understanding that there are feelings involved for his wife and allowing (even a little bit) to get help.

[xjulixred45x]

The Collector(The Owl House) and Platonic! Reader...

but with a small detail.

Reader has a complicated family life, she comes from a family where she is constantly neglected (either due to family problems or simply her parents are like the Blights, too focused on their reputations to give her adequate attention) and that makes her a very dependent girl of her imagination but also quite lonely.

I think it would be especially sad if we are talking about a Blight Reader. since she sees her sibilings having interactions and friends while she cannot join because she is smaller and has problems socializing (': adding to that that she is too young for Odalia to give her a decent "use" to give her attention and Alador...it's Alador.

Imagine that JUST WHEN IT LOOKS LIKE THE END OF THE WORLD is when Reader ends up having something like a "friend."

If we go with the Blight reader, it is much more obvious how the reader and The Collector met, Odalia serving as his "mom" WOULD HAVE THE NERVE to offer the reader as a better playmate (trying to have favoritism) and leaves the reader reader alone with this child with god-like powers.

Now, reader didn't expect the collector to be so...innocent, he acted like a child her age, MAXIMUN. Besides that he was really interested in the game ideas she had to offer. For this reader to hear that someone is even willing to listen to what she wants to say is a MIRACLE, but putting it into practice and encouraging it? is this a dream?

They are both children extremely deprived of touch and interaction for a long time, so surprisingly, the reader ended up really enjoying her stay in the Archives with the collector and King, whether playing "the owl house" all together, board games that the reader invention, flying on the little flying stars, etc.

The reader definitely had a change of look just like King and Odalia, with a star-studded outfit and everything, although I think the collector lets her personalize it. and he definitely won't let Odalia intervene in the reader's clothes, with the excuse that her "suggestions" are too boring.

Tea parties with puppets! Yes, it's a bit creepy, but hey, they're better off there than down there with Belos (after what the reader secretly heard from her sister, he sounds like a bad guy). apart from the fact that low gravity is fun.

I think that one of the games that they could play the most could be a slightly more extreme version of "rescue the princess" where either a reader or a puppet is the "damsel in distress", King is the great Dragon and the Collector/reader are the knights. Don't worry though! Even if reader is who has to be the lady in distress, she will not be in real danger.

Although if the reader gets hurt (whether from playing or simply due to clumsiness) it means a DAY FREE FROM GAMES for everyone. Although they also play doctor and take care of the reader, maybe they play board games to avoid getting bored.

The Collector definitely feels jealous when Odalia tries to talk to the reader for any reason (probably to have a better position), and sometimes that causes him to give her more work like arranging the puppets they use when they play The Owl House (ironically this could make Odalia see what a bad mother she is being when she sees that a mini space god is better at her job than her).

Now there is no limit to the reader's creativity, no matter how silly or strange the idea for the new game is, he wants to hear it! He always has something positive to get out of even the "worst" ideas (for him that doesn't exist).

Sometimes he has trouble understanding which reader has to sleep and rest more than him and King, but they explain it to him with apples and pears and he more or less understands the concept of three meals a day and 8 hours of sleep (that was how easy it was, how difficult it was for King to explain to TWO CHILDREN why the reader SHOULD NOT eat only sweets).

I imagine that the reader sleeps in the same "room" as the Collector and King, in an extra bed and her own accessories. Maybe the reader even has stuffed animals of abominations (that remind her a little of her family) that she lends time to time to Collie (did you think she wouldn't use that nickname? ha) sometimes keeps them for herself because she's nostalgic, other times she's detached or even angry and gives them to him for several nights.

I can definitely see the Collector being pretty angry at the Blight siblings if he had gotten to know them in a different context, like "how dare you make my best friend CRY?" and it would definitely require a lot of hard work from King and the reader together so that he wouldn't "break" them out of rage.

King knows there's not much point in trying to convince the reader to help him in his plan against the collector, he understands where she's coming from, having someone who takes her seriously and motivates her is a dream come true! It is thanks to this that he sees the Collector more as a sad child and not as someone so terrifying..

After "Raine" lies to the Collector about King wanting to hurt him, he most likely also becomes clingier with the reader (and slightly more protective).

I can even see the reader teaming up with him when they play their "favorite games" against Eda, Luz and King, even if they coordinate well they can't help but lose in one way or another😅

The reader definitely empathizes a lot with the collector when he tells his story and how his brothers simply put him aside, causing him to be imprisoned, but she also begins to reflect and realize that, well, not everything is a game, but she wants them to be friends.

After the events of the season finale, you can be sure that the reader's family is trying SO hard to make up for the damage done (especially Amity and Alador) and that they are not so sure how to feel about the baby of the house being lost. she made friends with an almost god😅

Collie, now being PAINFULLY aware of the reader's mortality, is much gentler with the games when he comes to visit (especially because, well, you know, getting hurt when you're little isn't the same as when you're big) and in general they grow up. together to learn to accept more friends whenever they are:'3

AHHGGG I NEEDED THIS. Maybe I'll do a version with a father/mother! reader, we'll see.

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

[supernatural-bias]

You van now marry me because I am interested in your tf2 headcanons

Tell me more please

so happy someone asked for this. giving your forhead a big fat smooch. also, i would habe included tracker in these, but i feel like that would have been a bit self pretentious

scout

• good artist. has drawn tom jones fanart before

• knows a little bit of french; his mom made him learn. also knows a few french songs because of this

• bisexual but battles with it a lot

• really appreciates his teammates and conciders all of them—except for maybe spy—to be his best friends

• terrified of medical procedures and terrible at hiding it

soldier

• brightest blue eyes you've ever seen

• wears underwear with the pattern of the american flag on them

• doesn't know it's not normal to have gay thoughts. literally would kiss a man sloppy style and then not understand why everyones looking at him. probably straight, but makes exceptions

• has had his hands cut off at least five times before. it's getting concerning at this point

pryo

• uses asl with their team and teaches those who don't know. they'll still use muffled sounds to communicate though

• has no gender actually. not trans, not cis, but a secret third thing

• aroace! latches so strongly onto platonic relationships though its actually insane

• attends bonfires with enigneer sometimes

• has a pair of onsie pajamas that they wear over their suit to bed at night

heavy

• is definitely in love with medic, no doubts to be had

• has a PHD in russian literature! a very smart fella, he just has trouble speaking his mind in english

• gay. so so gay. mlm all day

• the only merc to regularly check out books from teuforts library sans soldier. although he doesn't really check out books, he just yells at the librarian for not carrying sun tzu's the art of war

• sings little songs to sasha in russian

demomam

• has scars all over his chest from an accident with a grenade he had as a kid

• sends lots of post cards and souvenirs to his mom when he's on the job. he really loves her

• actually used to style his hair in dreads when he was a little bit younger, but just doesn't have time to do much with his hair anymore

• so casually bisexual; especially considering it's the sixties and seventies. takes interest in both men and women

• best friends with both his and the other teams soldier!

sniper

• his camper is such a mess all of the time. only ever cleans if he knows someone's going to be visiting, and even then there's a few stray piss bottles laying around

• plays poker & other card games with scout all the time. when they can't bet money, they'll end up using other things to play, like bullets or stray snacks

• thinks he likes both men and women. tries not to dwell on it too much since he gets anxious about it, but at the end of the day can't deny that he finds men attractive as well

• has a mug that says world's number one best sniper that miss pauling got him

engineer

• shortest mercenary r.i.p

• parental figure to pyro

• one of the only good cooks at the base. often ends up making dinner for everyone even if it's someone else's turn to cook that night

• has a prosthetic arm that he built from scratch & spends a lot of his time adding to/upgrading

• probably straight, but the biggest ally you'd ever meet

spy

• genderfluid. has a few lady disguises he's had to use before, and is just as comfortable in them as any other one of his disguises. definitely had gay sex with scouts mom before

• reverts to straight french when he gets irritated or upset

• heavily bisexual and very open about it with any of his partners. a man/womanizer

• the only merc with a sense of fashion to be frank. have you seen everyone else. soldier thinks being naked and covered in honey is the epitome of fashion for fucks sake

medic

• probably knows more about the medical field than any other doctor at the time. is actively dropping some medical talk & procedures that won't even be invented until a few decades later. he's fun like that

• owns one pair of regular clothes. everything else is lab coats and black pants. maybe a turtleneck or two if you're lucky

• super mega über gay for heavy. see what i did there

• also, i'd like to headcanon that he needs glasses because he's nearsighted of all things. it makes performing surgery hard without them

[silviakundera]

re: Story of Kunning Palace. If we get into Themes of the Novel...

I can see why Xei Wei is positioned as her ultimate romance.

The story seems to be a character journey for FL. Part of this jouney is coming to terms with herself and not just being "redeemed" but FEELING redeemed. Look at her conversation in jail w Yan Li. I'm bad, she says. It's something she still believes.

JX enters the story thinking of herself as unworthy of ZZ and in her mind, getting to be accepted & loved by him would be a barometer of goodness. But that's not what she NEEDS. She doesn't need a gold star blessing from a paragon of justice. She needs to accept the ugliness of her past and her imperfections and be able to live with it, to no longer be ashamed. As trite as it sounds, she needs to learn to love herself.

Look at this MTL passage from the novel, on the barrier between her & Xei Wei in her 1st life....

No one knew that the reason why she didn't want to learn the qin after entering Beijing was because of Xie Wei.

Four years ago on the way to Beijing, Xie Wei was holding a qin. She thought this man was really a distant relative of the Jiang family, he was dressed in white clothes, he had nothing but a qin, and he looked sick. Although he was in the same vehicle as her, he didn't like to talk to others, and closed his eyes most of the time to rest his mind. Only when he stopped occasionally in the middle of the journey, he would touch the qin.

Jiang Xuening didn't understand, and she didn't like him either.

Only then had she learned her true background, and knew that there was a "sister" who was praised by everyone in the family. She was afraid that she would be looked down upon by the maid who came to pick her up in Beijing along the way. One has to put on the posture of a young lady, for that humble and pitiful "self-esteem".

Young ladies are all condescending and domineering. Therefore, she was also superior to others and bosses them around - and "others" included Xie Wei.

She grew up in the countryside and didn't learn any rules, but this person had rules when walking, sitting and lying down; whether it's the posture of holding chopsticks when eating together, or when leaning in the carriage for a nap, he was always in order. It hurt her to see it. At that time, she felt that this man was shabby but still carried himself well.

It was only after a long time that she was willing to admit that the reason why she felt uncomfortable was because even if she didn't understand, she could still feel the difference between cloud and mud. And this difference is exactly the difference between her who grew up in the countryside at that time and the bustling capital she was about to arrive in.

But people are always reluctant to admit such truths.

Even after she became a queen, she didn't want to see Xie Wei, and Xie Wei's name was always associated with the qin, and she didn't want to see one.

When she was most terrified and miserable in her life, she was seen by this person. As long as she saw this person, she would think of that past.

And this was what she tabooed the most in her previous life.

Who knows what Xie Wei thought of her at that time? Today's empress was just a country girl who wore a dragon robe and didn't have the look of royalty.

As long as she thought about it, she felt embarrassed, so Jiang Xuening always just told herself that this past does not exist.

The insightful Xie Wei probably knew what she was thinking. Even though he had a high status in the ruling and opposition parties, and frequently goes in and out of the court, he rarely appeared in front of her, and never mentioned it.

As for the scar on her wrist, she asked the imperial doctor to prescribe a prescription, and carefully applied the medicine for two years, and it disappeared completely.

// What i can't stop thinking about is Xei Wei telling her in the drama that he liked the miss ning'er that met during that journey. The girl she was so ashamed of in her first life (before she realized there are worst things to be). He thought she was unpolished jade and was upset to see her sink into the habits of a cold hearted noble in the capital.

She misunderstood him but more importantly she misunderstood herself. She repressed the parts of her that didn't fit the lifestyle she was trying to gain. But in her 2nd life she no longer feels the need to fit in with the other capital nobles, to take back from her sister, to climb the imperial harem. Letting all sides of herself free and meeting Xei Wei head-on is thematically important.

[all-pacas]

some more retcon sister headcanons because it's retcon sister week:

aka danielle maria chase, retcon sister of my dreams

the most important fact about this oc is that her name is not danielle, it's 100% daniela, chase just got it wrong as a kid and has stuck with the mistake for 20 years.

no one but her brother calls her danielle, but she's absolutely fine with it from him (no one else tho). she doesn't love going by daniela either but has dabbled in just about every other nickname you can get from the name -- ellie and ella are the most common ones -- most people know her as ellie -- and she's also tried out danny, dana, etc.

…she's quite big on "reinventing" herself. it's partially a very genuine attempt to turn over new leaves and change and leave her mistakes behind her, it's partially just… fun. she tries out new hairstyles, has dyed her hair every color under the sun, she tries out new identities left and right.

she gets manic as hell, which ties into her drug use/alcoholism, both in terms of danielle trying to self medicate and trying to keep herself up and "fun" and it's a mess. she's never been to a psychiatrist (her father Did Not Believe in them), but tbh she could use it!

chase is absolutely the Responsible Big Brother around her. it's one of the reasons they do way better on low contact, even though deep down they do both love one another and share a deep fucked up childhood bond. but when they're together they both immediately fall into old bad habits: he infantilizes her and lectures her and burns himself out with stress, she gets rebellious and resentful and has never really forgiven him for moving to the States when she was still a teenager.

she really doesn't remember her mother much, which is another thing that's difficult between her and chase: danielle was 5-6 when she died, and danielle really has no memories of her functional or sober and kind of… blocked out/willfully forgot the rest. so it's easy for danielle to think of her mother as a glamorous and exciting person, and chase cannot deal with this.

she doesn't hate her father. part of it is that same idealization-to-cope (he's just so cool and smart and that's why he doesn't talk to her), but also… it's kind of the same deal as her mom, danielle doesn't know shit about rowan, he's a neutral figure to her. chase is old enough to remember having parents but danielle's only parent was her brother. rowan did take her in after her mother died, though. she has more of a relationship with rowan's second wife, although they don't get along.

she really does not like herself!! welcome to the chase family danielle!! she has a lot of the same abandonment issues as her brother: no one wants her, she's an idiot, no one cares about her. she's not educated, she's not a doctor, so she idealizes her family as a way of like… look how cool and fancy they are, i'm related to them, i'm like that too. i'm not a fuckup. i'm not a failure. (and then she gets depressed and she gets high.)

when the show starts — 2004 — she's 18 or so, 26/27 by the time of Chase MD. i think she does get her shit together by the time she and chase are back in touch, but it isn't easy, and it relies on her having to move on from her family a bit, mentally estrange herself instead of clinging to this ideal of them.

she does get pregnant and decides to keep the baby (around 2010/11), which causes her and chase's biggest falling out (he spirals whenever she's concerned, he 100% had a nightmare vision of him somehow having to raise this baby). she really does try her fucking best for her son, though. she only really starts to understand how bad her parents were after he's born, you know?

i like to imagine she works with animals. maybe she becomes a horse girl. :))) just does something outdoorsy and a little athletic and it's nothing well-paying or fancy but it's hers and it keeps her busy and active and clean.

she and chase also slowly fix their relationship, although living on opposite ends of the world does help a lot lmao. they just. do better that way. but they keep in better touch, and chase eventually meets his nephew. a lukewarm ending but a happy one.

(also danielle liked cameron and did not understand what cameron saw in her brother. like. chase is so bossy and he's so annoying and uptight and cameron was just like he's w h a t)

[variousqueerthings]

I think it's also interesting to see how things change depending on the time in which they're being engaged with. so I see things about rose today that point out that she's written to be 19 when she meets the doctor and that's a big age difference (which... I understand the point is it's a big age difference because billie piper was 23 and eccleston was 40, and then dtennant was like 34/35 when he started which isn't so big of a shift but anyway the optics I get what people are getting at, but also I think it does oversimplify a lot of what's actually going on in the written dynamic, anyway-)

and also that the rtd run's Themes start coming together properly around s3 (although they are present from day one), and in some ways at this point, because nu!who has been running for... fuckn. actually quite a few years, which is wild to me as someone who started watching as a kid, and I wonder if classic!who fans felt the same way about their show and anyway -- she shifts from being Literally The First Companion You'd Seen For 17 Years (not counting the movie and fan things and the sketch) Who Was Defining A New Era For A New Generation to... a companion

comparable to other companions, comparable to the rest of the show

we sift through the writing to see what worked and what didn't (in our opinion), and we know how the ten-and-rose storyline Really ends, and how the ten storyline ends (sort, of because now that doctor and donna are Back), and we know what happens afterwards, and we talk about tenrose with a 2020s eye, and rose is "just" one of the people that travels with the doctor, one of several, and notably the one who gets most of the sunshiney doctor that buries a lot of the (wonderfully portrayed) angst of the latter half of the rtd show, and doesn't have as much lore as everything after that, so the story is "just" more simple overall

and to me she's kind of incapable of being just that. doctor who was still a risk that first season, it wasn't a done deal that it would have legs at all, never mind that it would continue for as long as it has. rose was created to be the Face of what nu!who was, moreso than nine/eccleston, because even with the extra angst and the eccleston gravitas, we know the doctor, the doctor is established, it's not actually the doctor that needs to sell what the new show is going to become and what the Feel of that new show is going to be (I mean, partly ofc, but-)

rose was doing so much heavy lifting and she succeeded! she was the face of who before dtennant or any other doctor or companion of his era and subsequent eras. she was created to appeal to a demographic of girls who wanted someone relatable in science fiction, because rtd wanted this to be for the girls, and billie piper came into it off the back of being a popstar and it changed her entire trajectory (for the better I think/hope -- there's a lot of bad shit in billie piper's past and I'm always sending her a fond thought)

nine/ten-and-rose were It! not calling it romantic or platonic or any secret third thing (haunting the narrative), but simply It! that's why it has so much staying power as a ship (which, my opinion on shipping has been somewhat *eh shrug* in later years, but in early-days when that was how you engaged with dynamics that got to you, of course it was going to be massive). it's so hard to properly describe how "for the time in which it was made" that this dynamic was written for, and how successful it was. it was rose that breathed doctor who -- and the doctor's character -- to life, as much as herself

she sets the stage for everything that comes next, both within and without the show proper

and I'm always so pleased that rtd at the time was thinking about what was needed to create this character and he opened with a shot from a girl on the estate with messy hair, clumpy eyeliner, and a minimum wage job, and went "that's the girl who's going to go on the adventure of a lifetime, that's the girl we're seeing the story through and relating to, because that's what girls (and uh... those who were girls at the time - and their parents and the boys) should be seeing."

I know rose isn't the first working class companion including classic!who, but she set the tone for nu!who and her family and background are important to why she is who she is, and is explored

"I've got no A-levels, no job, no future-" said the girl about to see the universe

she was very much for teenagers, and so she reads differently when you're an adult watching it back (much like those "teenager saves the world," novels you loved as a kid), but that's why she's 19 at the beginning. that's why she's billie piper (who does a perfect job). she was there to bring a new generation into this story, and it was perfect. and then she grows up. and we grew up. and she had adventures and it was brilliant and she survived and she made a life for herself. that's her story