#alternative universe canon divergence

[elletromil]

The Way of the House Husband

For @honey-bee-britt

Some crack we talked about years ago set in the Come Back (Home)

The Way of the House Husband

Harry would like it noted that, for once, he didn’t start it.

He had been doing his best to completely ignore the men that had been following after him for the better part of the day.

He even sent a text to Merlin about them, trusting that Kingsman would deal with whatever that was about in the next few days. It’s not anyone’s fault that the henchmen had proven themselves to be complete amateurs by deciding to act a mere hours after starting to stalk him.

Of course, Harry knows that he looks rather unassuming now, out of his suit, with his beard and his eye-patch. But had their roles been reversed, he would have waited at least a few days to properly establish his mark’s routine before attempting anything.

And if he walked into a deserted alley that isn’t part of his usual itinerary, it is simply because the men following him had already been closing in on him and he hadn’t want to accidentally involve any innocent bystanders in whatever was going to happen.

He had not been goading them into action. Not at all.

One of the men suddenly grabs him by the elbow to stop him and Harry sighs inwardly as he dubs that man ‘Amateur #1’. If he had had an ounce of intelligence, he would have waited for the rest of his group to properly block all of his target possible escape route before making his move. The alley Harry lured them into isn’t quite so narrow that at least one of them couldn’t have made it in front of him

But no, the five of them are all still behind him. A good push on Amateur #1 and a short run towards the nearest busy street would be all Harry needs to escape them.

If he had felt like he was in any actual danger at all.

So instead, he turns around to face the men, easily slipping out of the grip on his arm in a way that feels entirely coincidental, offering his most polite smile. “May I help you gentlemen?”

It’s Amateur #2 who answers, which might mean he’s a a leader of some sort for this group of thugs, but since he seems as much of an idiot as the others, Harry doesn’t bother relabelling him as such in his mind.

“You’d better follow us quietly gramps.”

A couple of them smile in a manner that is probably meant to be menacing, but Harry has seen fiercer expression from Daisy the last time they played pirates. He does take offence at the ‘gramps’ however.

He knows his hair is more grey than brown now, but surely he doesn’t look that old, does he?

He’ll have to ask Merlin next time he sees him. Or maybe Roxy. Eggsy, no matter how much he loves him, cannot be trusted on this.

“And why should I?”

He’s still going for hapless innocence, but judging from the worried look Amateur #5 throws over his shoulder, the mask is probably starting to slip. Or maybe that man has better survival instincts than the others and can subconsciously feel that they ’re the ones currently facing a predator.

“Let’s just say it would be better for your health. It’s your boy toy we want.”

He can feel his eye twitch lightly at what the man just insinuated about Eggsy. It wouldn’t be the first time people make an assumption about them after seeing them together, but that doesn’t mean Harry’s blood will ever stop boiling over such comments.

“Yeah gramps,” Amateur #3 continues, without noticing how Harry’s smile has hardened into something that is definitely less polite, “just don’t make a fuss. We don’t want to hurt you.”

“Oh well, that’s a relief. Unfortunately for you, I have no such reluctance.”

His smile is all teeth now and before any of the men can process what he just said, he swings the grocery bag in his left hand at Amateur #1’s face.

~

The fight is over quickly, leaving five unconscious men laying on the ground and Harry barely out of breath.

Either he’s kept in a better shape than he expected since retiring or whoever hired those men truly scrape them from the bottom of the barrel.

What a waste of his time.

He sends a new text to update Merlin on the situation and ignores his friend’s attempt at calling him. He’s already too late to start on the lasagna he had planned for dinner tonight and if wants a chance to finish plan B before Eggsy’s return, he can’t allow himself any further delays.

***

Whatever Harry is cooking tonight, it smells delicious, not that there’s any surprised there.

Eggsy deftly avoids stepping on the dogs trying to jump on his legs as he beelines to where Harry is standing at the oven in his apron, pressing his face between his shoulders and wrapping his arms around his waist. Harry, as always perfectly aware of his surroundings, relaxes into the embrace for a moment before his attention is taken back to the pans in front of him.

After the day he’s had, Eggsy doesn’t mind and just lets himself follow whatever movement Harry is making, basking in the silent domesticity of it all.

When he finally steps back after a quick kiss under Harry’s jaw, he notices the bags full of grocery sitting on the counter.

“Busy day on your end too luv?” He asks as he starts putting away the items.

“Hmm. No, not really. About the same as usual, I’d say. Tell me about yours instead.”

Eggsy knows a deflection when he hears one and usually he wouldn’t insist. Whatever it is Harry doesn’t want to say, either he’ll resolve it on his own or he’ll come to Eggsy when he’s ready to talk about it.

But then he gets to the cans and, considering how Harry has been doing most of the shopping since his return to London because he has much higher standards over quality than Eggsy does, seeing the state they’re in is kind of worrying.

“Harry? Why are these cans so dented?”

Most people wouldn’t notice the way Harry grows slightly tense at the question, but Eggsy isn’t a Kingsman spy for nothing.

“Let’s just say I had a little incident today.”

Unimpressed, Eggsy raises an eyebrow in Harry’s direction, even if the other man is still keeping his back to him. Given the fact it’s a habit he’s picked up from Merlin whenever the handler is reacting to Harry’s bullshit, there is no way Harry doesn’t know what expression he’s making right now.

“Does that ‘little incident’ have anything to do with Merlin asking me to tell you to stop ignoring his calls and also that you owe him a whole batch of baklava?”

He hadn’t worried when Merlin contacted him via his glasses when he was making his way home, mostly because the handler had only sounded exasperated, but maybe he should have. With their decades of spy work, even taking Harry’s few years of retirement into consideration, sometimes the two men have a rather skewed judgment.

“Probably.”

Harry has the decency to turn away from the stove at that point and offer him a sheepish smile.

They look at each other for a moment, until Eggsy decides that if Harry isn’t telling, then he doesn’t really need to know. If Merlin hasn’t gone into the details with him earlier, the issue has probably been dealt with already. And as long as Harry isn’t hurt, which he doesn’t seem to be, Eggsy is finding it hard to muster the energy to care.

Until he gets to the last bag, that is.

“The fuck you did to those carrots Harry?”

[evanbuckleyrecs]

Title: i found love where it wasn't supposed to be

Written by: chromatophorica

Rated: T

Warnings: none, author chose not to use

Catagories: m/m

Relationships: Buck/Eddie, Athena/Bobby, Buck & Bobby

Tags: Misunderstandings, Getting Together, Alternative-Universe Canon Divergence, Bobby Nash is Evam Buckley's Parent, Shannon Diaz lives, Pining, First Kiss, First Dates, Family Feels

Words: 12,022

Summary:

It’s not until the earthquake that Eddie figures it out.

Hen grabs him from the trolley, hauling him to his feet and clambering out into the open, Chimney appears by their sides with a quick yell of, “Where’s Cap?” as more firefighters join them outside, glancing around to check on each other, the fogging from the oxygen tank leaks makes it harder to see into the station right as Buck and Cap stumble out.

Buck is similarly checking Cap out, grabbing at his elbow, where there’s a small streak of blood. “Hen!”

What Eddie’s most surprised by is Buck sticking to Nash’s side, the hand that Nash keeps on Buck’s shoulder, and then it clicks.

He’d be the same if Chris was there; probably a little more overbearing, but Chris is only seven, so he figures that’d be why. But it makes sense, how focused on Buck that Nash is right then, the similar frantic energy that Buck’s got focusing on the Captain. He’s a little surprised that the LAFD allow a father and son pair to work together.

---

Eddie makes some assumptions when he joins the 118, he'd like the record to show he's not entirely wrong.

My notes: I love fics where someone assumes Bobby is Buck’s dad. I have another one in my bookmarks that I'll make a post for soon. Absolutely love it.

[generousglitterrunaway]

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Merope Gaunt| Hermione Granger/ Gellert Grindewald, Hermione Granger/Gellert Grindelwald, Merope Gant/ Gellert Grindewald, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Past Hermione Granger/ Draco Malfoy Characters: Hermione Granger, Merope Gaunt, Tom Riddle, Gellert Grindelwald, Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley, Ron Weasley Summary:

An unknown book and a mysterious goddess send Hermione granger across time and space, to change the very fate of the wizarding world. The only problem, she woke up as Merope Gaunt, mother to Voldemort, about to give birth in a deary orphanage. She’s pretty sure the goddess cursed her, that little bitch.

Yeah I'm shamelessly self promoting my own fic. 

[kelin-is-writing]

HELLO???? PRO-HERO TOUYA???? I’M FOLDING SO BAD—?????

[ms-dead-inside]

Okay, but hear me out:

Murder baby Damian, but for whatever reason, his first attempt at Tim's life is put on pause, so they never have that interaction. Instead, before Damian can come up with a new plan, Tim (who's kinda excited he now isn't the baby of the family) offers to train him in detective work for when Damian finally gets the mantle of 'Robin' as a way to bond with him.

"Why train your enemy, Drake?"

"We're brothers, not enemies. Besides, Robin has always been a mantle to pass down. I'm certainly not going to keep it in my twenties or thirties. And other than Bruce, I'm the best detective in the family."

"Very well, Drake, I shall accept your tutelage for the time being."

Damian accepts, of course. Not only can he study Drake for his weaknesses, he will also improve his own skill set. It's worth the wait for Robin. By the time Damian's done, there will be no doubt that he is the superior bat.

Unfortunately, he actually grows fond of Timothy. While he will inevitably get close with Richard, just like in canon, Timothy is a breath of fresh air for when Richard is being too overbearing, especially when it comes to things like 'socializing,' and 'making friends.'

When his father dies, and Timothy declared him actually lost to time, Richard doesn't believe him, can't believe him, because the hope is too painful. Timothy still gives Damian Robin, because, "I'm barely holding on as Batman as it is. I can't handle Robin being gone for potentially months at a time, halfway around the world."

During his partnership with Richard, truly becoming his brother-son, Richard introduces the ideas of pets to him. Damian loves animals, and having and taking care of a creature that could potentially survive on its own, but will have a much better quality of life under his care, speaks to him. He has Alfred and Titus and about half a dozen other stray animals that usually stay for about a week while he nurses them to health at any given moment, but he feels like he should officially have another pet.

Que the whole thing with his grandfather, and Timothy getting kicked out of the top of a skyscraper. He comes home with proof, and the Justice League brings his father home. And as Dick basically refuses to let anyone leave the mansion for the foreseeable future, Damian realizes several facts:

1.) Timothy is a human, and humans are animals.

2.) While Timothy has somehow survived until now, he wouldn't recognize self-care if it slapped him in the face.

3.) Timothy's quality of life will improve if someone is taking care of him because he cannot be trusted to do it for himself. (Is it a coincidence that he loses organs when he is away from the family? Damian thinks not.)

4.) Damian has gotten good at taking care of animals.

Ergo, Timothy is now Damian's pet. Tim doesn't know what to do and simply humors him. Besides, it's nice when someone actually bothers to give him a plate of foods that he likes when he gets hyper focused on work and forgets to eat. That, and while he is exasperated every time Damian tranqs him, those are still the best sleeps of his life.

Jason finds it hilarious. Damian doesn't understand Richard or his father's reactions.

"Damian, Tim can take care of himself."

"Barely. Father, now that I am in charge of his sleep schedule, there aren't as many dark circles under his eyes. Even Alfred has commented that Timothy consumes less caffeine."

"Damian, he can't be your pet."

"Why not?"

"Tim's your brother; he's family."

"So are you saying that Alfred and Titus aren't family?"

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt

Jason’s return to Gotham as the crime lord Red Hood is significantly hampered when he saves two kids from being trafficked and suddenly finds himself nagging the two to eat their vegetables and do homework on time and, dear lord, your names are Freeman and… Batson? Yeah that’s it, Jason is not waiting this one out until they’re both suddenly dressed in traffic light colors and swinging around the city with an overgrown furry.

Freddy and Billy are a bit confused by the flash adoption via menacing Gotham guy, but it certainly helps that he’s not threatening to send them into the system and that he cooks them meals every day . And also “Billy, I think he might be the new vigilante! That is so cool!” “… do you mean the new crime lord?” “Same thing! Isn’t the helmet awesome!?”

Batman and Robin are… not sure what to make of the new crime lord that, on one hand, keeps antagonizing them to no end, and on the other hand was recently spotted at a meeting with his lieutenants where two masked kids burst into the room to scream about the kitchen being on fire and pointing at each other yelling “It’s all his fault!”

[pixelpubph]

To all the Dippers and Mabels in other timelines who had to go home alone that summer

[havenlyd]

Aegon III and Barba Bolton, by Jota Saraiva

Read more about them here

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

I need a fic where Arthur knows magic isn’t inherently evil but doesn’t know about Merlin’s magic.

So he sees his new manservant being terrified of anything magical and tries to convince Merlin that magic can be good.

Meanwhile, Merlin thinks that Arthur knows about him so he’s trying to subtly convince Arthur that he should stop bringing it up.

Morgana just cackling in the background.

And it goes on until Ealdor when Arthur is like: “why the hell are you so anti magic if you have it?!”

And Merlin is so confused: “you didn’t know? But you kept trying to reassure me that you weren’t afraid of me.”

And Hunnith is watching all this unfold like: “ah yes, soulmates. Two sides of the same coin but if the coin is anything like their brain cells, it isn’t worth much.”

[c-rose2081]

Withering Beauty & Fractured Reflections

Hi, I have a lot of thoughts. I was just kinda sketching and had some angsty, villain arc Briar on the mind. She’s def giving some hardcore Evanescence vibes here? But I don’t mind. I love that for her.

Honestly I don’t think she’s really evil here either, just bitter, angry and maybe a little cursed. Briar was pushed to this point, after all. She’s not inherently dark. Having the idea of destiny forced on her, and her feelings being constantly neglected by people she thought cared for her? It takes its toll. I think Thronecoming was the final straw. Something snapped. The pressure broke the mirror inside Briar’s mind and warped the way she saw herself. And because destiny is so very specific regarding fairytales, the Sleeping Beauty story became corrupted and actually changed its Princess into something…else. Something dark. Briar was changed into whatever it was she saw in the shattered fractal pattern of her mind.

And, seeing as the last things she did was experience Raven’s evil destiny, it’s safe to say the Storybook of Legends doesn’t end up going down the well after Briar finds it…

Let me know what you think of this or if you have any theories or thoughts. I just wanted to design something tbh so I’m always open to suggestions.

[spicy-apple-pie]

What if Talia saved Jason before Joker could kill him?

(Should I do a part 2?)

[elletromil]

Job Offers

Surprising even myself, here's a new fic after about a year without having written anything :D

This one has been in my drafts for a while, half-finished, and i can't say why exactly i decided to kick my butt into finishing it but I did it!

Set in the Come Back (Home) 'verse after Harry comes back to London but is still retired and has no plan on getting back into Kingsman.

This is based on a discussion I had with @honey-bee-britt

Enjoy my good peeps :D

Job Offers

“-and while I’ll never force a retired agent to come back except if we are in dire straits, you understand why I think it’s a waste that we haven’t retained the previous Galahad’s services in some capacity.”

Merlin nods because that’s what is expected of him. He doesn’t mind their newest Arthur much most of the time, but he knows better than to try and speak him out of his newest crusade.

He knows that no matter what they do, the only way Harry would ever be tempted back into Kingsman is if the ‘dire straits’ Arthur mentioned include Eggsy being in very deep trouble or far worse. And Merlin is doing his damnedest for that to never happen. To Eggsy or any other agents under his care.

“And considering your old friendship with him, I am sure you’ll be just the man to convince him.”

Merlin stares at Arthur for a beat, wondering if this is some kind of joke. Sure, Harry and him are friends, but it’s been at least twenty years since Harry has listened to Merlin. And that’s if Merlin is actually trying to make him see reason.

Arthur is in for one hell of a disappointment.

Still he nods again without saying anything else. At the very least, it will entertain him for some time.

***

Since Harry’s return, they’ve made a habit of meeting each other for breakfast whenever Eggsy is away on a mission and Merlin isn’t needed at HQ.

It’s been two weeks since Merlin’s talk with Arthur and he hasn’t mentioned any of it to Harry yet. Mostly because retired spy or not, Harry is smart enough to know that Arthur would probably be interested in having him back in some ways. But also because there’s not really been an occasion for it.

“So, R&D is looking for someone,” he says apropos of nothing. He doesn’t phrase it as an offer because he knows what Harry’s answer would be. But he can admit to being curious to what his reaction will be.

Harry doesn’t mind talking shop with him, even if Merlin has had to learn how to be more careful about what he tells him.

“If she wasn’t so young and if Eggsy wouldn’t kill me for it, I’d recommend Daisy for the position.” There’s only good humour in Harry’s eye as he looks up from his poached eggs. “I’ve been helping her with her science project and let me tell you, I’ve been very impressed. Did you know that-”

The rest of breakfast is spent discussing Daisy and the upcoming science fair at her school.

*

Harry doesn’t say anything when Merlin pushes past him as soon as he answer the door, not waiting for an invitation to get in. After the day he’s had, he seriously has no patience for social niceties.

If Harry minds, he doesn’t say anything, but he does frown when he notices the bottle of scotch Merlin has brought with him.

“We’re eating dinner before we open that.”

Merlin would protest, but that’s about when the smell coming from the kitchen hits him and he decides that if Harry wants to feed him, well, he’d be a fool not to accept.

He lets himself be pushed into the dining room and onto a chair, his first look on Harry’s half-eaten plate enough to convince him he made the right choice by not protesting. It look as amazing as it smells.

Tastes fantastic too, he discovers as he waste no time digging into the warm food once Harry sets a serving in front of him. It’s no wonder Eggsy has been putting on some much needed weight since Harry’s return.

If he had the same to look forward to for lunch, it would be enough to remind Merlin to eat too.

He looks away from his plate to compliment Harry on the food, when he notices the obvious worry of his expression.

That’s something he’s still getting used to since Harry has been back in London, the way he is so much more open than he ever was, at least in the privacy of his own home.

“We just got a new batch of recruits to train,” he says instead of the compliment and watches the worry morphs into an amused sort of understanding.

“My sympathies.” Harry tries for something solemn, but Merlin can see his bloody dimples.

“Fuck off Hart. If you don’t stop taking the piss at my suffering, I won’t share the scotch.”

“I guess I’ll just keep all the baklava I made for dessert to myself then,” Harry threatens right back with a smirk.

“You’re such a bastard,” he grumbles half-heartedly. It’s been a while since he’s treated himself to baklava and if Harry’s taste just half as good as their meal… He really doesn’t want to miss out on them.

Harry graciously inclines his head, as if the insult had been the compliment Merlin had first intended to pay him. Exasperated, Merlin sighs before he focuses back on his plate, but he can’t quite help the smile tugging at his lips.

He might never admit it out loud, but he’s glad Harry is back.

He’s missed his friend.

*

To say the last thing he ever expected to see at their new HQ was Roxy coming into his office, armed with an enormous basket of various pastries and baked goods would be a lie, but only because Merlin would never have thought it in the realm of possibilities.

“Come on Merlin,” she urges him past his shock, “you get first pick. Or well, second really. I did help myself on the way over.”

He smiles back at her, glad to see the return of the mischievous glint in her eyes. For a long time after miraculously surviving the explosion of the old manor, she had seemed rather apathetic of the world around her even after her physical recovery.

While he knows that the experience will forever leave its mark on her, it hasn’t changed her completely. With how Roxy and Eggsy had not been in the mood to fool around together for various reasons after Poppygeddon, the morale at HQ had been bleaker than in the aftermath of V-Day.

He’s relieved that the atmosphere has been slowly improving, partly thanks to the young Knights’ return to their regular antics.

“Thank you,” he says after selecting a croissant for himself. He’s not particularly hungry yet, but that doesn’t mean he can’t enjoy it. “I didn’t know you baked.” He gestures at the basket as if he needs explaining. It’s obvious that even if it all looks highly appetizing, everything contained in the basket comes from someone’s own oven.

To his surprise, Roxy snorts rather gracelessly at that.

“Oh, I don’t bake. I barely know how to boil an egg without burning the water.” She grins, apparently unbothered by her ineptitude in the kitchen. “No, I’m just doing the delivery. Should have been Eggsy, but something came up with Daisy, so Harry enlisted my help instead.”

He nods as if it makes perfect sense.

Which in a way, it kind of does, if one knows Harry won’t even step a food inside the new tailor shop whenever he’s waiting for Eggsy.

Merlin just doesn’t understand what prompted Harry to spend hours at the oven.

“And really,” Roxy continues, probably picking up on his slight confusion like the trained spy that she is, “we should be thanking you. I don’t know what you told him, but apparently, you should expect a basket once a week as a ‘show of appreciation to all the handlers from someone who knows just how hard you work at keeping everyone as safe as they can’. A sentiment I wholly agree with.”

She’s grown more serious now, but she’s still smiling. Merlin isn’t quite sure what to do with the gratitude he sees in her eyes, the gratefulness of Harry’s gesture.

All he had done was complain to Harry that two of his handlers had burned out already this month. And he had only mentioned it after Arthur had commented to him how Harry’s expertise could make quite the difference if he was to come back in such a position. That way, he could honestly say he had made an attempt to bring Harry back into Kingsman.

And if he would be lying if he said he didn’t wish Kingsman had more handlers in its employ, he’s selfishly happy that Harry is completely uninterested in returning to any kind of active duty. His friend has given enough pieces of himself in Kingsman’s service over the past decades. He deserves to live the rest of his life as he pleases.

Especially if what pleases him is apparently fattening the whole of Kingsman with amazing food.

*

Admittedly, giving the extremely late hour, Merlin should have been sleeping in his bed rather than lying on Harry’s living room floor.

But after four days where power-napping between crisis was his only source of rest, he’s far too keyed up to attempt sleeping. And even if Eggsy’s current mission is in no way related to any of the metaphorical fires he’s had to put out all week, that doesn’t mean Harry is sleeping soundly while he’s away.

Some inane text received while he was on his back from HQ was all it took for Merlin to choose to head to the house he’s sharing with Eggsy rather than his own home.

He scowls at the cup of chamomile tea Harry sets within his reach on the low table, remembering perfectly well that he asked for the good scotch when Harry asked him if he wanted anything.

“Merlin, I can feel your headache from where I’m sitting.”

He turns his glare towards his friend, but it’s not like he’s wrong. His head has been positively pounding for the past few hours. Adding a hangover to that is probably unwise.

He shudders at the thought that Harry Hart has somehow become wiser than him. And bites back a curse when it only worsen the pain in his head.

“Hmm. It’s far.”

“I’m not going to tell you to go to bed, but you should at least take the couch.”

Merlin spares a look to the couch, before wearily staring at the foot or so of empty space that separates him from it.

He doesn’t need to look at him to know Harry is rolling his eyes at him.

He is surprise however when the rustle of fabrics isn’t followed by a pillow hitting him in the chest like he expected but rather by Harry getting up again from the armchair so he can carefully drag Merlin to the couch. Apparently, retirement has made his friend wiser and softer.

Merlin doesn’t thank him, but he does grab his hand and give it a gentle squeeze before Harry moves back to his own seat.

The silence between them is comfortable until Merlin breaks it with the most trivial of their latest crisis.

“Arthur wants to hire a new tailor.” What Arthur really wants is to hire Harry as a new tailor. He might not be an expert, but it has been his cover for a few decades. Like all of the other Knights, he had been required to know enough to get by. He had also hated it with the burning passion of a thousand suns. His words, not Merlin's

“Have you asked Dagonet’s nephew already? What was his name… Joseph?”

“Joshua,” he corrects Harry, “and no we haven’t. But that’s not a bad idea.” The man is a trained tailor unlike Harry. He doesn’t know for sure why Joshua has never been offered a position at the shop as he has never been in charge of anything relating to legitimate tailoring aspect of their organization before, but it can’t hurt to ask.

He closes his eyes, focusing on his breathing and wondering if he’s imagining the lessening intensity of his headache. He’s half asleep when he registers a soft sound he can’t place and his curiosity gets the better of him.

He opens his eyes and looks over to Harry again, still sitting in his armchair, but his hands busy with whatever was making the sound.

“What on earth are you doing?”

“A blanket.”

He raises an unimpressed eyebrow at the answer because Harry knows that’s not what he was asking.

“I’ve picked up crochet,” Harry adds after a while. “Soothes me when I worry at night.”

It’s been months since Harry’s return now, but no matter what, Merlin doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to how honest he’s become on such matters. At least not as long as Merlin himself will continue to work every day with trained spies.

He’s grateful for it however. The candour is kind of refreshing.

“Hmm. Maybe I should pick that up too.”

Harry snorts and this time, does throw a pillow at his chest. “What you really need is sleep. Not another reason to stay awake.”

A jaw-cracking yawn interrupts whatever protest he had intended to make and he decides to close his eyes rather than have to look at Harry’s smug face.

And if he does fall asleep shortly after that?

Well, he’s not too proud to admit Harry can be right.

Sometimes.

*

“You’re sure you don’t want to drive?” Merlin asks as Harry makes to climb into the passenger seat.

For once, his asking has very little to do with Arthur’s needling comments over bringing Harry back into Kingsman in some capacity.

While it is true that they do need new drivers -- hence why h is currently driving the cab himself -- mostly Merlin just loathes driving in London’s traffic. It’s very close to the very top of his list of things he doesn’t want to be doing during a mandatory day off and it’s only because having to deal with the crowd on the tube would be worse that he didn’t suggest public transport to Harry.

“You do know that I’m actually pretty shite at driving, right? I’ve been driven everywhere during most of my tenure as a spy except for car chases. And there hasn’t been a lot of them either.” It’s true. Before Eggsy becoming the new Galahad, being a Kingsman Knight had involved relatively few pursuits of that kind. “You never wondered why I never fight with Eggsy for the wheel?”

“I always assumed it was because the lad has you wrapped around his little finger.”

“Well, there’s that too,” Harry admits with a complete lack of self-consciousness. “But mostly, I don’t feel like adding to London’s traffic problems.”

“How magnanimous of you.”

“I try.”

The click of Harry finally buckling his seat-belt makes Merlin involuntarily grit his teeth and tightens his hold on the wheel.

“Think Eggsy would mind playing chauffeur for us on his day off?” He asks half-seriously instead of starting the car.

Harry laughs, but he’s already unbuckling.

“I’m sure he’ll be happy to, he was getting antsy when I left.”

*

When Merlin finally makes it to the pub, Harry takes one look at him before pushing his own pint towards him. And while Guinness isn’t usually his first choice, at the moment Merlin will take whatever he can get.

“You look terrible.”

“It’s been a terrible day… Week even.”

Harry makes a sympathetic sound and gives his hand a gentle pat, before getting up to, hopefully, get them more alcohol.

Merlin sighs as he nurses the rest of the Guinness, trying to relax.

Today might not have been ‘end-of-the-world’ terrible -- hence why he didn’t cancel his meeting with Harry -- but combine enough small annoyances together and one can still get a massive headache.

He musters a grateful smile for his friend when Harry returns with what is probably scotch for Merlin and another pint for himself.

“I took the liberty of ordering us some fish n’ chips too.”

He hums in approval in his glass. “This is why we are still friends.”

Harry rolls his eyes good-naturedly, but doesn’t take the bait.

“Want to talk about it?”

Merlin groans, the semblance of calm he achieved thanks to the scotch he’s sipping completely shattered.

“That bad? Or you can’t talk about it?” Even with Arthur being hell-bent on bringing Harry back to an active Kingsman status, the fact he’s retired means Merlin had been keeping more things from him than he’s ever had to before and they both know it.

Not because he doesn’t trust Harry, but simply because he wants it to be clear that he respects his decision to retire from the spy world.

He’ll still complain about problems that fall more under the office work category than the spy one, but that’s all he allows himself. That and vague updates about Eggsy’s missions when he thinks the situation warrants them.

“No, I can talk about it. It’s just trying to figure out where to start when it’s been everything.”

How about you start from the last thing that happened and work your way from there?”

It’s actually not a bad idea. Better than trying to figure out when and what made everything go to absolute and utter shit. (On a personal level, Merlin is aware that it all can be traced back to his decision to join Kingsman. But for the specific chaos he went through this past week… It probably has the same point of origin to be honest.)

“Paul from the kennel is retiring.”

The thing about it that made his blood pressure rocket through the sky was the pointed look Arthur gave him when he gave him the news.

And to be fair, dogs do have more of a fair chance of convincing Harry to come back, but Arthur forgets the man already has two at home. And regularly dog-sit Roxy’s poodle too.

He’s about to launch into the next annoyance -- Percival��s pyromaniac tendencies -- when he notices Harry’s sheepish expression.

“What did you do?”

Of course, Harry tries for innocence, but that hasn’t worked on Merlin in decades. One unimpressed arches of an eyebrow is all it takes for Harry to give up the pretence.

“Please don’t tell Eggsy before he’s back.”

“Can’t make that promise without knowing what you’ve done,” he replies to that without an ounce of pity.

Harry might be his oldest friend, but that doesn’t mean Merlin will always side with him. Especially not when it can affect Eggsy.

The lad has more than earned his loyalty, especially after the year they both spent keeping each other afloat from their grief when they mistakenly believed Harry was dead. And not after the year after that where Merlin had to watch Eggsy continuously making the hard choice to stay rather than run after Harry as he so obviously wanted to.

There’s a beat of hesitation before Harry caves. “I might have adopted a new dog.”

For a moment there, Merlin can only stare at Harry’s guilty fidgeting. And then, he can’t help it.

He starts laughing.

When even the appearance of their meals isn’t enough to stop his hilarity, Harry starts pouting.

“It’s not that funny.”

And it’s not, not really.

But it has been a while since Merlin has had any reason to laugh, no matter how ridiculous it is.

It’s not like Harry is in any real trouble anyway. The man has more than enough time to take care of another dog. And Merlin is certain Eggsy won’t stay mad for long after he’s subjected to a puppy-eyed look.

Now, whether the look will be from the actual puppy or from Harry, that’s a completely different story.

*

“Sit your arse back down on that couch Harry.”

He grabs Harry’s elbow before he can take another step in the direction of the front door.

“But-”

“No Harry.” His voice his firm, but the slight tug he gives Harry’s arm wouldn’t even move a child. “I know you’re worried, but you can’t go.”

“You could sneak me in,” Harry tries weakly.

“I could,” Merlin agrees easily, but only because he knows he’s won already when Harry drops on the cushion next to him. “And I would. If it was in any way serious. But Eggsy’s only being kept in the infirmary as a precaution. Gaius doesn’t he’s got a concussion, but he’d rather be safe than sorry.”

Harry lets out a shaky breath and Merlin drapes an arm around his shoulders in silent comfort.

“You’re not gonna tell me Gaius has been looking for a new nurse?”

Merlin knows that Harry has been perfectly aware that all the mentions of the various Kingsman’s openings have been Merlin’s rather unenthusiastic attempts to bring him back into the fold. Harry might be retired, but he’s still one of the best spy Merlin has ever known.

After all, there is a reason the man got to retire.

But the question stings even if he’s made an accurate guess as to what Arthur told Merlin before he left to let Harry know in person not to expect Eggsy tonight.

“I didn’t know you thought so badly of me that you’d believe I’d take advantage of your current state of mind.”

He feels Harry flinch against him at the words. He’s half-tempted to push him away out of wounded pride, but before he can resolve himself to it, Harry press one of Merlin’s hand between his.

“It’s not you I think badly of. I don’t think I’ve ever said it in so many words, but you’re a great friend Merlin. I am lucky to have you. We all are.” That’s Harry’s newfound honesty and openness in action again and for the first time, Merlin thinks he could learn to get used to it. “It’s Arthur I think rather poorly of.”

Merlin hums in understanding.

Of course, Harry would have guessed what, or rather who, was behind Merlin’s vague job offers.

“He’s not all that bad,” he still feels the need to say. Not out of any particular loyalty towards Arthur, but simply because it’s true. He’s not that bad. At the very least, Merlin truly believe the man won’t ever be swayed by a megalomaniac into mass murdering civilians. “And you’re a great friend too.”

It’s not anything he would usually have admitted to without withstanding some sort of prolonged torture first, but Harry’s openness must have been rubbing off on him these past few months.

And if he’s being honest, it was surprisingly easy to say.

It’s what prompts him to add more. “I’m glad you came back Harry. I missed you.”

Harry only acknowledge the words with a soft press of the hand he’s still holding between his.

A somewhat peaceful silence falls over them after that, as comfortable as it can be with the undercurrent of worry they feel for Eggsy.

It doesn’t last long before Harry breaks it however.

“I could always replace Arthur.”

“Please no. I’d actually kill if you were my boss.”

[elystelleven]

A Pretty Cool AU Concept I Have In Mind:

The Dark Flour War never happened, and the Ancients spend a hundred more years letting their kingdoms flourish and keeping Earthbread as prosperous as ever. Thanks to their efforts, they decide to establish some kind of alliance/union dedicated to improving an area of cookiekind they most excel in (e.g. Dark Cacao in combat and White Lily in knowledge) and are given the opportunity to visit each other and enlighten on whatever problems they have. You know, the typical ancient shenanigans but on a much grander scale!

Hoooowever, this doesn't entirely mean their world is free of conflict. On the other hand, the St. Pastry Order and dark magic practitioners (that cake monsters happen to be apart of) manage to set aside their differences and join together to form a bigger, more dangerous underground organization with the intention of changing cookiekind in a similar vain to Dark Enchantress's motives and the Order's original belief to "walk with the truth in mind", whatever that means. Their conflict with the Ancients will hold much more nuance since their beliefs clash with one another, not to mention the Order being too good of a group to just be... ignored by the canon for some reason... (devsisters if I catch your hands--)

Oh and of course, the Beasts will find a way to meddle with these antics and play a much bigger part in the story than we realize.

There's also gonna be lore elements from Witch's Castle too! The story of the Witch of Light and the "First" cookies are just too intriguing and I don't really see them being integrated in fan stories (from what I've seen, at least) so why not sprinkle them here as well?

[howtodrawyourdragon]

A late piece for AU-gust 2024's Day 1 "Canon Divergence." A late piece because I really wanted to come up with something for that day and I just could not come up with anything until I had the brilliant idea to genderbend the blorbo of our shows.

Her hair is a mess because she's Hiccup and she just spend some time either flying or wrestling with Toothless, probably.

Is she looking guilty? Worried? Did she get caught with her dragon? Perhaps!

-XOXOX-

Please do not repost or misuse my art.

AU-gust card and gradient layerless version below.

[anon-serenade]

its been a while that i have been cooking this AU but i will state this here as a masterpost for it.

Welcome to Cookie Run: Rebaked Bainmarine

This AU is mostly focused on rewritte side of Cookie Run while adding in a few twists, of course since I lack a platform to even elaborate on writing, I will share it around here + there will be additional design changes if I find the design too complicated for me to doodle or so.

seriously im not joking that i am not gonna follow the storyline after Silver Kingdom in canon. I will only tackle the beasts once Dark Enchantress is Dealt with.

Bonus Spoiler Design for Elder Faerie Cookie and ███████

[shyjusticewarrior]

I do not care for titans tower aus

They tend to yoink Jason's angst and give it to Tim