#also. it's never known how to show love outside of a.) manipulating others

[shinydracozolt]

free my peach. it did all of that but the chicken dancing was objectively hilarious.

[anundyingfidelity]

HAPPY MISTAKE — Logan Howlett

Summary: Not ever, through all the years of your life, you found someone like Logan. Since he arrived at the school, something brought you together like a magnet. Sadly, not everything came out as you wished it would be. Time is not gentle with mutants, and you try so hard to show him your unconditional love before everything is over, but can you finally accept your feelings for each other? Or yours and Logan's tumultuous relationship through the years.

(PART ONE → PART TWO) | GEN MASTERLIST!

Pairing: Logan x mutant!female!reader.

Word count: 9.6k.

Warnings: slow burn, breaking up(?)/making up, heavy angst, hurt/comfort, eventual smut and unprotected everything, language, character death, time travel, Logan hurting reader unintentionally, wounds and blood. Logan being a whore for both Jean Grey and the reader. Reader has slow aging as Logan and looks around mid 30s in my head. Anthropology teacher!reader. Reader can manipulate light (just like Starlight from The Boys). This takes place between different movies from the franchise, from X-Men 1 to DoFP, so spoilers of the movies ahead.

Notes: Long time no write. Life is horrible but somehow I managed to get this in like two months. I love Logan so fucking much now you don't have an idea. This was also written with Happy Mistake by Lady Gaga in mind. If you'd like to be tagged in the second part let me know or let me know your thoughts on this, it's very much appreciated! I suffered a lot writing it .

𝒊𝒇 𝒊 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒇𝒊𝒙 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒏 𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒔, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒊'𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆.

—

2000

“Need any help?”

Logan stopped on his tracks from wandering around the cozy, yet strange place he woke up in. Turning on his feet, he saw your figure standing in the middle of the hallway. He said nothing, but you approached him as you had known him for a very long time.

“I assume you’re the new guy-”

“Where is she?” Logan abruptly interrupted once you stood inches away from him.

“Rogue? She’s fine. And you need to take a little rest.”

“I don’t need medical attention,” he said, looking around to search for a nearby exit. Before he walked away you took his arm in a soft grip.

He was, as much as you could tell, surprised by your boldness. You gave him no time to process his next movements once you talked again, your voice firm and welcoming in a way he had never felt before.

“Please, you need to meet Professor Xavier,” you said. “At least before you go. It’s totally fine if you wanna leave, I don’t recommend it though, but we can offer you a safe place here. We are just like you.”

Logan’s hardened expression relaxed for a moment, sensing no threat coming from you. All he saw in your eyes wasn’t pity, nor anger at him being kind of an asshole at first. It was just authority, the good kind where he also had something to say and decide about.

“Whatcha say, Logan?”

He was so immersed in his thoughts before you called his name, thinking it sounded beautiful falling off your lips. You gave him a half smile as he took in each detail of your face, as if he was memorizing every part of it.

It was the first time someone had been nice to him and it felt strangely good.

For some reason, it felt very good coming from you.

—

Logan just found out from the Professor’s mouth the mansion was a school for mutants. Gifted people, he called them. After learning another powerful mutant was behind him and Rogue, he had no other choice but accept the shelter. He didn’t like the other guys better, playing the teacher with a bunch of teenagers with special or cursed abilities. But besides Storm and Jean, you were the person who had welcomed him the most, even showing him the place and the room he would stay in.

One late night, you sat at the dining table together. Logan was silently drinking a beer outside school hours so the kids wouldn’t see him, and you, reading a bunch of papers from your students that you were missing. He realized how hard you worked, how you would praise your students, how you talked to them outside classes, being the one to actually convince Rogue to enroll in the school. Immediately, he knew you were really something, having much more in common than he thought. And you, living for so long, being both a mutant and a lady for sure had a hard life through time.

“What you teach again?” he suddenly asked, breaking the comfortable silence you shared.

“Anthropology,” you answered, giving him a short glance. “I took this at college a long time ago, and I’ve been alive long enough to know a thing or two,” you explained, putting away a paper after putting an A+ on it proudly. “It’s important to understand ourselves, humankind and mutants… It’s a diverse world and there are lots of cultures, languages and societies we don’t get to know, but it’s beautiful. I think I like to celebrate what makes us unique. I've had the chance to study some of them around the world since I had the time, y’know, and it’s truly amazing. It’s a shame we have to fight between us to make us heard when we could just be kind and empathetic to each other… Sorry, you didn’t ask but, y’know, anyway.”

You shook your head with a curve on your lips, going back to the next paper. Logan had taken the sparks in your eyes as you talked. He half smiled to himself once you buried yourself in your papers again, thinking you sounded just like Professor Xavier. No wonder why he took you in. Probably, if things were different for him, he would’ve found something that could light his face with so much passion just like you did.

“Been alive for almost two hundred years,” Logan said and you looked up to him. “We might have things about the past to share,” he drank from his beer. It was your turn to smile back at him.

“Yeah, well, I’ve lived both horrible but nice things. Couldn’t read or do math without being called a witch,” you chuckled to yourself, but hiding on the inside the awful experiences you had to endure. “Someday, we could go out and grab a coffee or something,” you said with a playful smile.

A light chuckle left your lips, but you and him knew it wasn’t just a joke.

He joined you with a warm smile that lit up his face before disappearing from his lips. “Of course. Count me in.”

—

The sun was shining bright and the weather was great that morning. Some of the students were in the yard playing, having some quality time, and others simply just left to go to the town. It was a good weekend before the next semester started, and it was better now knowing Magneto had been taken to prison after his failed attempt to use Rogue for his plans.

Sipping on your coffee, you saw the students outside. Laughing, running, having a good breakfast picnic. It felt heartwarming just taking this sight, wishing it would always be like this. Your mindful peace was interrupted when Logan entered the kitchen to have a coffee on his own. Visibly, you tensed just a little when he approached you and sat right in front of you at the dining table. The caffeine was not helping at all, you thought.

“Morning,” he greeted you, noticing something was off on you, but hoping it would pass. Maybe you already knew.

“Morning…” your voice came out as a whisper. “How you feeling?”

“Better. What about you?”

You gave a small nod. “Good, thanks for asking.”

A silence fell upon you. Not like the ones you used to share in lonely nights where you prepared your classes and Logan just sat down calmly because he couldn’t sleep. This time it was different. Words won’t come out of your mouth to ask what was really bothering you. You had grown up to like Logan and enjoy his company, but he had a lot of walls upon him, protecting himself of the world and people around him.

However, you understood why he did it. You both have been alive longer than anyone else. You saw people you love dearly dead, being killed because of your flaws. And you really connected to his idea of protecting people by leaving their side. It was better being away. That was until Professor Xavier recruited you. Here, you had a purpose and you helped young people to become the best versions of themselves. You wished Logan could do the same, stay and see he was more of what he thought of himself, but it wouldn’t happen. Right? He had things to sort out on his own.

“Are you leaving soon?”

When you asked the question, Logan knew you had heard something from the Professor. He gave you a nod.

“I need to reconnect with who I was,” he simply answered.

“Right… Wish you all the best there.”

Logan had grown to like you over the past few weeks you shared, exchanging experiences and lessons of life you had taken through the years. For a moment, he looked right into your eyes and smiled. He weirdly smiled, and you could swear he’d miss you too once he is away.

But that warm feeling soon faded away once Jean walked into the kitchen, saying good morning and beaming to the both of you. Logan followed her with his gaze, straightening himself on his seat as she served her own breakfast and an extra plate that you already knew was for Scott. She also began putting fruits and snacks inside a picnic basket while looking all happy and settled, and you knew why Logan had fallen in love with her. It was all over his face.

And you wondered how could he act and talk to you so kindly and sweet, and then look at Jean like that. It was a pain in your heart you tried to dissipate. Everyone knew Jean and Scott were a couple, and the fact that Logan had a not so secret crush on her really played on you. It made you feel like a fool and you had too many heartbreaks and hurted people, putting them in danger due to your mutation, to take initiative and start a relationship - or anything of the sort - again.

Scott made his way inside the kitchen, saying hi to both of you - mostly you. And took the tray with their plates as Jean grabbed the basket, but she let Scott leave the kitchen before.

“Have a good trip, Logan,” she said kindly. “I hope to see you around here soon.”

“Thank you, Jean.”

She smiled one last time before leaving you all alone, Logan following her with his eyes. Just for a second, you wished he could see you like that underneath his facade.

—

You had packed your stuff later that day, deciding a little air and a change for one night would do no wrong. Just as you were walking to the main door, Rogue was saying her goodbyes to Logan after giving him a small hug without really touching him. It was a cute sight how Rogue was able to step into his cold heart. She said goodbye to you as well before leaving the entrance.

“You’re going away too?” Logan asked, rather surprised as you both walked through the door, the sun hitting your skin as soon as you were out of the mansion. He knew your life was at the school.

“Just for the weekend,” you shrug it off.

Logan gave you a nod with a warm smile. “Then have a good trip and enjoy yourself.”

“Thanks. I hope you find what you’ve been looking for.”

“I hope so too,” Logan answered and before he went to take Scott’s bike, he looked at you hesitantly for a couple of seconds. “We should go out and grab some coffee once I’m back.”

Your lips formed a wide smile. “That sounds really nice.”

For a moment, where time felt like hours and not seconds, you stood right out the door, looking at each other. You wanted him to go first, but he was waiting for you to say something. Probably to ride the bike with him, he could leave you somewhere near your destination and feel you close - just be around you for at least five more minutes. But none of that ever happened.

Instead, you studied his face, looking at his deep eyes, and then his lips - those lips you wanted to kiss so bad before, but never had the courage to do so. You didn’t think further, and if something had taken possession over you, you leaned towards him leaving a short, sweet kiss on the corner of his lips.

“Take care,” you mumbled once you pulled away.

Not waiting for his answer, you turned back, pulling your bag to your side stronger than ever and walked the path to the front gates, feeling his gaze all over you until you left the mansion.

He felt such an idiot for not kissing you properly.

—

2003

‘I know what I want, but what do you want?’

Mystique’s words echoed through his head. Logan left the tent so long ago he didn’t know what time it was anymore and the situation kept repeating again and again in his mind. The woman had shifted between Jean, Ororo, and you. The one that icked him the most being Rogue once Mystique had taken her figure in. Storm was a good colleague, Jean was a forbidden love, Rogue was like his little sister, someone he would protect as long as he could, and you… you were a different case. When Mystique was about to kiss him wearing your figure, he finally realized he started feeling things he had prohibited himself for a very long time, and he thought he shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t.

Once or twice you shared experiences about love and partners, but he could tell it hurted you the same way as him. He couldn’t burden breaking your heart, or worse, getting you hurt because of what he was. Logan knew you had the same bad luck in the past, but it didn’t stop any of you to pull towards each other like a magnet.

‘Living for so long does things to you, Logan. I feel we become more aware of what we are.’

Those words you said to him one time remained in his head like a warning, and he took it personally.

Closing his eyes, he leaned against a hard tree trunk some feet away from the tents where the rest of the X-Men rested. He tried to find some peace alone for a few moments when the sounds of steps approaching alerted his senses. Claws out and ready to attack, he spun around the trunk only to stop in a second.

There you were, a bright light emanating from your hand to illuminate your path in the darkness of the woods.

“Logan?”

Quickly, he withdrew his claws and his body relaxed visibly. “Sorry,” he apologized, leaning against the tree one more time.

“Are you okay?” you asked, but you already knew the answer. The exhausted sigh he let out told you everything you needed. You let the soft glow of light floating between you and him, to illuminate both of you under the branches. “You wanna talk?”

He slowly shook his head, mumbling ‘no’. He became startled in the light floating like a firefly, letting his own issues wash away with your sole company. Ironically, everything that was troubling him was you. Softly, you caressed his arm, taking him out of his own thoughts. Your touch didn’t help his poor mind either.

Looking worried about the next mission in Lake Alkali, you feared for him and your team. And your lack of sleep was showing it. But just like Logan, the growing feelings were troubling your head. You had seen him talking with Jean earlier when you landed in the forest - talking too close to your liking once he pulled her for a kiss. But what could you do? Logan was still after Jean even when she had already declined him countless of times, and it didn’t really hurt you. It just felt strange inside. Why would he do that while still being nice to you, quitting being a dick when he wanted because he knew you’d snap back at him. And to be honest, Logan looked as if he liked that about you. But he won’t admit it out loud, and of course, you wouldn’t ask. Men were so damn complicated.

“Well, I only expect things to not get worse…” you finally said in a soft whisper since he wasn’t talking and you stopped your head going further on the matter. And you knew he wouldn’t talk soon either. “And you’re brave for seeking your past.”

Logan locked his eyes with your own, under the soft light. Your tired gaze, your figure, your aura pulling him like he found a treasure in an abandoned cave… He felt so bad for falling for someone like you, who was nothing compared to the crap he was. And then, for the first time in years, he decided to follow his instinct with you.

He leaned towards your figure, his rough hand cupping your cheek gently before pulling you in for a kiss. With a soft sigh you corresponded, your arms around his neck as it turned deeper and harsher. Logan lifted you easily from the ground, your legs tangling around his waist until you felt your back against a rough surface, trapped between the trunk and his body. Soft moans and grunts mingled, your chest pressing against his own, his hips grinding against your crotch. It was obvious you wanted this. Logan desired you so painfully after that day you kissed him goodbye at the mansion, he needed your body and soul. But you had to have answers before giving into the heat of the moment.

Pulling away, you broke the kiss, your forehead resting against his own as you tried to catch your breath. Logan tried to taste you once again, but you placed two of your fingers on his swollen lips.

“Why’d you kiss her?”

He remained silent, brows furrowed and eyes blown in lust. You didn’t make any effort to pull him away. He still had you between his legs, asking a simple question he had no response for.

“We’re adults here, Logan. Just wanna know why before we go further.”

Logan started to remember. He vividly heard Jean and Mystique voicing out and asking the right question.

‘Girls flirt with the bad guy. They take the good guy home.’

‘What do you want?’

“Do you really want me?” he asked in return.

You lifted an eyebrow at his sudden question. “And do you?”

He leaned again for a kiss on your lips, and thankfully for him, you didn’t stop it. But he quickly pulled away and inhaled your sweet scent from the skin on your neck, leaving a path of soft pecks, until he nipped the shell of your ear softly. You shivered under his touch.

“I’d love to have you,” he whispered, softly caressing your cheek with his thumb.

“Come to my tent,” you mumbled. “Sleep with me. But like, seriously, sleep with me ‘cause I’m tired,” you chuckled, hoping to not kill the mood.

Logan smiled for a bit and nodded, pecking your lips one more time before helping you get on your feet on the muddy ground, hands rubbing your sides slowly.

“As long as I have you by my side it’s alright with me.”

—

Jean’s death was hard to swallow.

For weeks, students and teachers mourned her, and you felt sorry for Scott for losing his soulmate. Logan was not in the best shape either. He didn’t attend her funeral, he never had the guts to stand by her grave either, until now. You stopped right behind him and noticed him sighing, under the afternoon sunset. He was tense because of everything, but when you took his hand out of the pocket of his jacket, he held onto you. Your fingers intertwined together, feeling his life depending solely on you, like a rock he needed to support his whole weight.

The day was about to end, the sun slowly hiding, giving a beautiful painting of orange and purple in the sky. You thought it would soon become an intense thunderstorm due to Ororo’s mourn - something you had gotten used to the last few days.

“She saved us,” Logan barely mumbled, looking intensely at the grave.

You nodded, even if he could not see you. “Can’t blame her, I’d have done the same.”

Those words cause him to look back at you, wishing it’d be a lie. But inside, Logan knew you really had the guts to sacrifice yourself for others. It was something he remembered both of you talking about some time ago. And you would give everything in your hands to save the ones you love.

Quietly, Logan gave a last glance at Jean’s grave, and guided you inside the mansion. Classes barely started again due to the circumstances and a few kids could be seen around the halls. You accompanied him to the doors of his room, noticing you had been holding hands the whole time. Probably no one really cared, they were too busy trying to go through the grief of losing a loved one. Slowly, you broke the gesture, taking your hand away and Logan immediately missed the heat and comfort of your hand.

“Do you need anything?” you asked in a low voice.

Looking at you, Logan reminisced how you kissed in the woods, the need and lust for each other that couldn’t be. He did sleep in your tent that night, in the comfort of your arms, feeling the warmth of your skin. It was, probably, the first time he had a good, peaceful night of sleep in years. No one had brought that up, but he knew something was there. And he needed to act on it before it was too late.

So he brought up his hands to your face, cupping your cheeks lovingly before planting a kiss on your lips, not caring he was standing in the middle of the hallway where anyone could see what was going on. You leaned against his touch, deepening the kiss until you couldn’t catch a breath. When he pulled away, he pressed his forehead into yours, taking in the beauty of your bright eyes and swollen lips. Everything wandering his mind, making a path right into his cold heart was right in front of him.

“You.”

—

Knocking Professor Xavier's door, you walked inside as soon as his voice announced to come in. You caught your breath seeing Logan by his desk. He just gave you a quick, accomplice glimpse and left the room, closing the door behind. The exchange of glances wasn’t unnoticed by Charles.

“Here’s the report on my subject for this last semester, Professor,” you announced, leaving the folder on the wooden desk.

“Thank you. How’s Logan doing?” he asked all of a sudden, checking the door the man had crossed just seconds ago.

“Excuse me?”

“Do you believe he is comfortable helping the kids?” the old man asked again. He was seeing right through you, and you kind of hated every time he used to do that to you. Nothing could be hidden from Xavier; definitely you couldn’t hide a single thing for the man who took you in decades ago.

“Why would I know that?”

He shrugged it off. “Well, you seem very close lately.”

Close was not the best word to describe your relationship with Logan. Yet, you were sleeping on his bed just the night before. The trace of his kisses, the burn of his beard on your skin, his teeth biting softly your breasts, his rough hands all over your hips… Every touch he left on your body you could still feel it, and you wanted to think he was not just using you. During the past weeks, you were together. Not quite a relationship-thing was established properly, but it was the closest thing any of you could have as for now.

It was a mixture of grief, pain, and hope that had you both still standing. In the end, you understood what he felt. Being alone and alive for so long and then finding a place where people accepted you for who you were was a whole change, even if some years passed by. Though, the time Logan had been spending at the school was nothing but a blink of an eye compared to his past.

“What happened to our team is still affecting us,” you finally said. “I believe we are good friends, yes, we’ve been supporting each other. And he doesn’t know how to deal with the students yet most of the time, but I try to walk him through it.”

Xavier hummed, smiling at the corner of his lips as he eyed the folder you handed him. “I bet you both do.Thanks for bringing your report on time, as always, and I apologize if I am being intrusive. Just please be careful with the noises both of you make at night, we have kids around here.”

Shit.

You swallowed your pride right there and simply gave a nod, feeling the heat burning up your face.

“Will do, Professor.”

—

A loud gasp escaped your lips as you held for dear life on his broad shoulders, hips snapping against your own. His pace was reckless, keeping you on the edge of sin. Grunts mixed with sweet moans, skin hitting skin again and again every time you felt his cock inside you. If possible, your nails could have already left visible scars and marks on his back, scratching and bleeding off his skin as he fucked you senseless.

Logan sucked on the bare skin on your neck, inhaling your scent, feeling your walls clenching around his girth, his hands roughly grabbing the sides of your hips as you moaned his name, over and over, under the moonlight. He looked at you intensely with loving eyes when you came underneath him, eyes flashing that familiar bright light every time a powerful orgasm hit your body. The vulnerable sight of your figure shaking, eyes closing slowly and biting your lip to keep the pretty noises low, made him reach the sweetest high.

With a grunt, he leaned to attack your lips in a heated, wet kiss to moan against your mouth. Logan pulled back to press butterfly kisses on your jaw, until he reached your breasts, feeling himself soften inside your wet heat. His hips were still thrusting just enough to fill you up at a gentle rhythm. Marking you his and only his.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” he mumbled against the sensitive skin of your chest. “Remind me why we’re here again.”

You chuckled softly, fingers tangling on his disheveled hair. You just had prepared a small date night out at the shores of a beautiful lake in the woods. No one could bother you if you were alone, and since your relationship was not so secret anymore, you needed him in a place that wasn’t the school. So here you were, laying on your back, fully naked on the picnic blanket, with the Wolverine between your legs, enjoying the calmness of the water, the green grass, the crickets singing around, and the cold of the night.

“Privacy perhaps?” you whispered as his eyes locked on yours.

Softly you touched his cheek with the palm of your hand and he rolled both of you over, until you laid on top of him, legs straddling his waist and your arms on his shoulders to sit on his lap. Silence took over, his hands soothing your hips and the marks he left on your body from the intense love-making.

“I’m so happy we took a couple of days off…”

You waited for Logan to say something. Anything. You wanted to continue, to tell him how you really felt. Instead, you decided it was better leaving it like this. Logan gave you a nod, pulling you for a short kiss.

“Yeah. Me too.”

He wanted to say it out loud, but was too scared to do so.

—

2006

After a couple of long years, the school and the team had to learn how to go through the grief and pain Jean left. Logan had a hard time processing it, just like all your teammates, specially Scott, and of course the students. It didn’t stop you from moving on as time went by though, always remembering her for the great person and mind she was. Going forward and keeping fighting is what she would’ve wanted for everyone, even now that a certain cure for mutants was announced to the public.

You tried to continue your life as a professor at the school, training students, leading young people, and you invited and encouraged Logan to do so countless times. Deep inside, you wished it was you the reason why Logan decided to stay and train young mutants - for you to be the answer to his loneliness. That he knew, for once and all, that he was not alone. You got each other, and you could do something about it. Words unspoken said more than anything, at least you thought so.

It was one of those rare nights where you got some time for yourselves, walking around the city after having a nice and calm dinner. Your shoulders brushed against each other while you walked downtown, your hands hiding inside the pockets of your jacket, protecting them from the cold.

There was a lot on your mind lately, thinking about what you two really were. If there was a stronger feeling in between, or if it was solely because he enjoyed your company and that was it. Both had lived enough to know there was a feeling in the middle. It wasn’t just friends with benefits, or co-workers who sleep together three times a week. Something was blooming deep inside you, but you tried to not give it a lot of attention all those years. Still, it felt like it had to be addressed sooner or later, and this could be the time. In the end, you understood each other perfectly. How painful it was, how living longer than anyone was, how you had to leave everything and everyone behind because you were dangerous…

“Have you ever wondered how’d it feel to have a normal life?” your question came out all of the sudden.

“How come?” He looked at you from the corner of his eye.

You didn’t know if his gaze was judging you but you continued anyway.

“Like living a normal amount of years… Not having these things, genes that make us different. Or special…”

Logan suddenly stopped in his tracks and grabbed your arm softly so you could lock eyes together as he asked. “You’re not thinking of getting that damn cure, aren’t you?”

“Of course not!”

“Then why’d you think that?”

“Because I never had anyone in my life, Logan,” you spat, pulling your arm away from his grip. “I’ve been alive for so long but I can’t promise myself a future. A real one. Not anything, it doesn’t matter if I live forever. Every person I loved before perished.”

Those words shook him out of the rough façade showing on his face. Your gaze told a hundred different stories when he studied your face every time. It was like mirroring himself at some point. You were the first person he ever got to know that has lived as long as he has, and maybe it was the sentimentalism, but he tried to push away those wishes of settling down. Of trying to be normal. Because he was not, and maybe, just maybe, you just didn’t accept it like he did. Probably, he was just giving up. But you weren’t, even after hundreds of years of disgrace continuously happening.

“I thought you’d get this, Logan.”

You mumbled, taking him out of his trance.

“Well, I do, in a way,” he said, but sounded more like an excuse for himself.

“Then why don’t you say it?”

“Wha-”

“Just say it,” you repeated and pointed between you and him. “What is this for you? What are we?”

Logan grabbed on your shoulders gently and leaned towards you, stealing a kiss on the sidewalk, a kiss you obliged with a bittersweet feeling for some reason, but then he whispered. “Darling, you’re everything to me now.”

Yet, you smiled and kissed him back, feeling his lips curve against your own. Well, that wasn’t so hard was it?

—

Needless to say, after the last date, your relationship with Logan had evolved to something more domestic, considering you lived together in your workplace. Affection, holding hands, quick kisses were shared now a little more freely, and you had received a couple of jokes and teases from some students and Storm. But it was fine as long as you had cleared your path with Logan, even if he didn’t act like a partner sometimes.

The certain calmness you felt one day disappeared when Logan and Ororo went to look for Scott, who often had these sad thoughts, and since Jean was his partner, it was thoroughly complicated for him to say the least. When Logan and Ororo came back to the mansion, it was not what you expected to see. Jean was alive and Scott was gone.

It hurted you, knowing first hand that their love wouldn’t be anymore. You met both of them when they were so young, becoming something like their mentor when they used to learn how to control their powers and how to fit in this world that loathed mutants to death. Now, the school was something else. It was a big, special place that was not the same without the brains of Jean, or the enthusiasm and leadership of Scott. Things were different, they had to change because the circumstances told so, and everyone had a difficult time adapting to it. One thing after another left you tired, with no option to run away, even if you wanted to. The complicated circumstances and the relationship you shared with Logan were no help either.

While on your way to check on Jean, who was still under observation after a couple of days, you stopped in your tracks when the heavy door of the med bay slid. Logan, looking all out of his daily self and mad, found you at the entrance, and you felt something different emanating from him.

For what you could see behind him, Jean was still asleep, and the Professor called Logan to come back with a serious voice, but he ignored the older man, instead approaching you.

“You knew, didn’t you?” Logan grasped your arm, his tone lower and deeper than usual.

You quickly pulled off his grip and hissed. “What are you talking about?”

“Jean.”

You felt silent. Of course she was anything he could think of since they found her.

“You knew he was controlling her,” Logan went on and your heart skipped a beat.

The look in your eyes told everything but lies. Logan scoffed and walked away, leaving you standing alone under Professor Xavier’s gaze.

“I’ll talk to him,” you mumbled at your mentor before following Logan, trying to keep his pace until he reached his room.

The whole way you tried to keep it professional, greeting students as normally you would, but when you crossed his door it was impossible to continue with the facade.

“Logan-”

“He’s insane,” he snapped, putting his jacket on and taking his bag out.

“Everything that was done was meant to protect her,” you responded calmly as he placed a handful of clothes inside the bag.

“No, you did it because you are disgusting. I bet this is what should’ve been for me if I refused to cooperate with your circus or something.”

“You don’t know what she is capable of-”

“Yeah, well I don’t wanna hear it anymore. This is so fucked up, even for you,” he continued, bag on his hand taking long strides until you were almost touching noses. 

You scoffed, trying to laugh at the irony. “What does that even mean? Do you know how horrible it is to be controlled by the Phoenix inside her?.”

Logan rolled his eyes, not wanting to hear another poor excuse. You continued anyway, looking straight in his eyes before he could leave you hanging with your own words. Exactly like he used to do every damn time when you had an argument. Today, he wouldn’t run away that fast.

“She could kill you in a second and won’t hesitate. For her, we’re nothing. We’re not rivals, we can’t do shit. The only thing we could do was keep her alter ego somewhere hiding inside her mind, or else we wouldn’t be here arguing about something you never witnessed. Because I did and you don’t wanna see that, trust me,” you spat at him. He breathed rage at your words and you knew that it was getting on his nerves seeing the way his hands turned to fists. “And you think this version of her cares for you? Or that she loves you? Jean is gone now, Logan, fucking get over it.”

With last harsh words, you turned around and left the room, closing the door with a thud. 

Logan breathed out. He wanted to scream, hit something, run away… Anything to let it out. He was a reckless mess but how could he react and accept Charles was playing with Jean’s mind? And you fucking knew all this time and didn’t say anything? Were his feelings dirty on him right now? Probably. Shit, he took years to finally tell you the truth about his love and affection towards you. He spent months trying to find the right words just to say ‘I love you’, and still, it seemed it wasn’t enough. The forbidden love he felt for Jean never disappeared, and he felt guilty for it.

—

You walked down to the med bay after calming down for a bit. You only needed to check on Jean for a moment and see how she was doing. Years prior, you had witnessed what the Phoenix was capable of, so you didn’t really question Charles’ methods when it came to hide this dangerous side of her inside her mind. You also thought your words might have been a little harsh on Logan, but it was the truth. He didn’t know who the Phoenix was and, if his feelings for Jean resurfaced after believing her being dead, then it wasn’t on you. As much as you loved him, as much as you tried and somehow managed to move on together, he was so easily dragged to her.

The anger you felt before took over you once again, as you found the metal doors of the lab in debris. Quickly, you made your way inside the room and found Jean wasn’t there and that Logan was lying unconscious on the floor. You knelt down by his side, calling him over and over and touching his face and shaking his shoulders until he finally opened his eyes slowly, coming back to reality.

“Logan, what happened?”

“She… she killed Scott. The Phoenix,” he whispered. You could tell he was a little weak and out of breath.

“You’re lucky she just ran away,” you pointed out, helping him to sit down. His eyes were lost in the mess in the room. Tools were destroyed, test tubes broken, crystal was everywhere, and Jean left the reminder of kissing him, yet again, before she escaped. God, he felt so idiotic.

“I’m sorry,” Logan said, looking at you. “Sorry for being a jerk. It’s my fault.”

Taking his cheeks between your hands, you gave him a reassuring look. “We’re gonna find her, okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah, we’ll find her.”

“Come here, we need to alert Charles,” you said, helping him to stand up.

Inside, you knew he wouldn’t really need your help. He was strong and indestructible like the metal on his skull, but he seemed really taken back, and you decided to stay by his side, holding his hand strongly as a way to say sorry as well. It was kind of difficult to see Logan in that state of mind, confused and lost, and you wondered what had happened back there in the lab as you left him in his bedroom, ordering him to rest for a while.

“I’ll be right back,” you assured him with loving eyes.

Logan nodded, following your figure stepping out the room and disappearing in the hallway.

He let out a breath he didn’t know was holding. His mind was having a hard time and his heart felt like breaking, going in two opposite directions, and he hated himself for that. His fate was always the same: losing people he loved and cared for dearly. So seeing Jean back again was as if god or anything up there remembered he existed and brought her back just for him. Or maybe he was just being selfish because he already had you.

You were everything for him. A couple of years might be just a short glimpse for both of you, but he was able to feel peace and calm next to you, and he was sure you did as well. Because some nights, that was all you could talk about. Logan didn’t mind hearing you for hours, it reminded him he was alive. With you, but his stupid instinct had to act.

It was his fault Jean had left. The kiss, the whole act of embracing each other’s bodies for at least two minutes, and then her breakdown, begging for him to kill her… All of that was enough to bring out the beast inside her. And he felt such a jerk now for following his desires. He already had you. Wasn’t that enough?

His thoughts were interrupted once you arrived again, finding him sitting at the end of the bed exactly as you had left him there. Sensing something different on him, you sat down by his side and rubbed his hand gently.

“We might know where she’s going,” you whispered.

“I’ll go,” Logan said before you could finish.

“I’m not sure if I should ask, but are you okay? You could do some rest,” you suggested, since seeing the redhead was clearly getting some kind of reaction from him.

“No, I need to go,” he said. But Logan could read your face perfectly, and he knew you didn’t really like the idea of him leaving the mansion. You turned your eyes, scanning the room and avoiding his gaze.

You had the need to ask what exactly had happened back there with Jean, but you didn’t want to start a fight either. Feeling Logan’s hand on your shoulder, he leaned to kiss your forehead goodbye. Maybe you were the one who should stay, check the kids, the school…

“It’ll be fine,” he mumbled, voice low and deep, as if trying to convince you, but himself as well. You nodded with your arms around his neck, giving him a hug that felt like some sort of apology you weren’t able to say out loud. “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.”

And how you’d wish things would be fine.

—

The school has been very quiet lately. Too silent even for his taste. At nights like these, he could still feel the vigor and presence of the students running around, grabbing something to eat, planning to go out for a while... Instead, Logan found himself in a place that was mourning. Grieving the loss of Jean, Scott and Charles.

The feelings inside were complicated. He didn’t really feel the same, and the disgrace and remorse of his actions were growing on him. They were still haunting him; every day, every single night. You knew it too. It was impossible to ignore the nightmares each time he woke up from seeing Jean’s lifeless body fall against his own after he gave what she wished for the most: death.

And then, there was you. He noticed how difficult it was getting for you to sleep. You tried to hide your sorrow into your work, studying even more, keeping yourself busy with the school and not thinking about anything else. Since Charles was gone, Ororo took his place and you were her second hand. But you pushed yourself too hard.

Tonight he found your bedroom empty. He didn’t find you on his either, so he went to the place he knew you would be: your classroom. The door was half opened, the dim light of the lamp on your desk barely illuminated the papers on the surface. He found you deeply concentrated reading on something, hands on the sides of your head hiding your face.

“Hey,” he softly mumbled, stepping inside the empty classroom.

You quickly straightened yourself on the chair, wiping your cheeks and tried to look decent for a moment.

“Hey,” you replied back, low voice.

“Come to bed,” he said, coming to stand before you, his hand on your shoulder comforting and soothing you, making its way to the side of your neck. His big palm on your cheek, caressing the skin stained with your tears as if it was the most delicate thing. He took a look at the mess of papers and old books you loved too much to get rid of, scattered on the wooden surface.

“No, I- I can’t. Need to finish these by tomorrow…”

Logan gave you a nod and a grimace before taking your hand, motioning to come closer. You stood up, knowing he was trying to get you out of the work that was consuming you.

He observed every feature on your face, the sadness in your stare couldn’t be hidden. He just knew you too well, just like the palm of his hand, and he wanted to make you forget. At least for a little. You had taken care of him, helped him with your presence and your unique aura, bringing him comfort and peace to his broken mind. He wanted you to be fine. To feel loved.

Logan leaned just exactly to brush his lips with your own, teasing a kiss that he longed too much, his hands around your waist pulling you towards him.

“Can you just let me take care of you?” 

Swallowing hard the knot on your throat, you curled your lips as much as the grief let you. “Yes,” you nodded.

With this, Logan leaned until your lips connected. Your arms around his neck pulled him as closer as you could get, feeling his chest against your own, his strong hands around your waist, softly touching you above your clothes.

Logan slowly walked you until your back hit the desk, hands roaming on your ass down to your legs, placing you to sit down over the loose pages. It might ruin the work a little, but none of you cared. Everything in your head was him, between your legs, running his wet mouth down your jaw, his stubble burning your skin as you gasped gently. Lying on your back on the desk, he began descending down your breasts, unbuttoning your blouse until he exposed you to the cold of the room.

He stopped right on your trousers, and gave you a quick glance. You were so eager, wet already. He could sense it. Your eyes were glowing and you were already trying to catch your breath by just his kisses and touch.

“You locked the door?” you whispered.

“Damn right I did,” he voiced, hoarse and low voice from just thinking of railing you right there and then.

“Then don’t stop.”

At your command, he unzipped your trousers, letting them fall down along with your heels on the floor. He then leaned to take your lips in a sloppy kiss, more urgent this time of feeling you close. You moaned, nails scratching his skin. His calloused hands explored your bare legs and things, creating friction with his hips with slow, controlled thrusts against your crotch. Logan left a trail of kisses down to your breasts, licking and tasting the saltiness of your body.

You urged him to go down where you ached the most, hand tangling on his hair. His hands grabbed the back of your thighs, spreading to him until his nose was almost buried on your panties, smelling and taking the sweetness of your scent, licking softly with his wet tongue over the fabric. A trail of moans and curses left your lips. He pulled your panties aside before diving in your pussy, licking your folds and teasing your hole with two of his fingers.

“Logan…”

His name repeatedly left your mouth like a plea, his fingers now inside you, stretching your walls for him. The noises grew obscene and nasty as he ate you out like a sweet craving he had been denying himself the pleasure for so long.

He was growing hard just by hearing your whimpers, and he needed you. You always were a fucking longing for him. Your words, your intelligence, your beauty… Everything he needed, you had it. And still, he didn’t have any idea of how such a rational, smart woman like you learned to love him so deeply.

You tugged on his hair, hips thrusting up to meet his growling mouth. You were so close, felt almost there where you wanted, but he pulled away before you finished.

Logan unzipped his jeans leaning back, admiring your blissed out eyes and glistened figure.

“Come here,” you begged in a whisper, tangling your legs around his waist.

He let out a low, dirty chuckle, feeling your hands on his boxers, freeing his erection.

“So fucking eager,” Logan breathed kissing your lips, hands supporting his weight at the sides of your head on the desk.

You tasted yourself within the kiss and you moaned at his words, your hand pumped him just enough to feel his pre cum leaking already, lining his dick with your cunt. Inch by inch, he entered slowly so you could get used to his size. Logan pecked your lips gently, kissing your cheeks and the side of your neck to get into your sensitive skin. You tugged on his white shirt so he could remove it and he ripped your bra apart right after. He loved to feel your chest pressed against his own. You gasped but paid no mind, instead urging him to move inside you.

“Shit, Logan please-”

A particular harsh trust caught your breath on your throat. You held onto dear life with your hands on his shoulders. He pounded into you rock hard and deep. So damn deep the desk was shrieking under, papers fell off and the lamp moved at the same rhythm but you hoped it won’t break.

Logan growled, inhaling your scent and tasting the sweat forming on your collarbone, your breasts bouncing against his chest. He felt your nails trailing down his back, and oh, how he wished he could get damn scars on just by fucking you like this. But the view of you, squirming under him, eyes closed, being a whimpering mess… All because of him. He was so insanely in love with your fucked out expression every time.

Your walls clenched, close to the sweet end. Logan felt himself twitching inside your warm pussy and his thrusts were getting erratic and sloppy. He filled you up, reaching his own climax first, hot white ropes of cum painting your insides. Your pussy milked him all the way as he kept spliting you open until you let yourself go, legs trembling around his waist. 

For a moment, you stayed like this, with him kissing your shoulder and caressing your thigh, taking in the aftermath of your intense lovemaking.

“Thank you…”

Your whisper forced him to look up at you. There it was, that loving, sweet gaze you had reserved just for him.

He nodded, palm on your jaw holding you gently. “Of course…”

For some reason, he wanted to voice out for once those stupid three words.

I love you.

Or at least hoped you would do it first.

—

The night was cold under the moonlight, almost freezing. He wondered how he got trapped there, between the messy, withered shrubbery, fog, and the trees of a forest he never recalled knowing. He was alert, senses to the limit in case something might attack him. He felt as if he was being watched, but there were no eyes he could find around. He couldn’t see much like that.

But then a voice started to call his name from afar, claws coming out immediately as he sharpened his senses to find the owner. One, two, three times he heard, trying to find the person who was calling but there was only darkness. His heart skipped a beat when someone spoke behind him.

“Logan…”

He turned on his feet and he felt like dying again. “Jean?”

He withdrew his claws back immediately. The redhead smiled, coming closer until she touched his cheek with a soft hand before pulling away. “How are you, Logan?”

“What-”

“Are you happy now?” she asked, beaming brightly as if they were in a casual conversation instead of the darkness of the woods.

His brows furrowed. She couldn’t be real. She wasn’t there with him. Jean was gone, he had killed her because it was what she wanted. It was her way out to get what she needed; it was the key to her freedom…

“What do you mean?”

“With her… Be careful. You could kill her. Just like me,” Jean whispered, tears forming in her eyes.

Logan stepped back, trying to get away. He shook his head in disbelief, not knowing exactly why Jean was saying this to him.

“No… You’re not real…”

“Everything you love is destined to death and chaos, Logan. You shouldn’t be there,” Jean continued, her eyes switching from her usual tone to a deep black. The ground began trembling under their feet with each step of her, wind building up around. Logan felt truly scared, but somehow he couldn’t run, just stand there as she approached. “All she will know is a life of suffering if you stay. She doesn’t need that.”

“Jean-”

“She doesn’t need you!”

“Jean!”

And then it happened so fast. His claws buried on her chest, the Phoenix disappearing and leaving her to die. Jean collapsed against his body and Logan reminisced about the events of that battle, where he had to choose to be selfish or liberate her from her own demons. Logan wasn’t sure why he stabbed her like this. And when he thought Jean was dead in his arms, she started to call his name again. This time, he heard it far away.

Logan.

Logan.

Logan…

Logan!

His eyes went wide open. And there you were, by his side on the bed, calling for him with a pain grimace on your face. His claws buried on your stomach.

“Logan…” you gasped and he pulled the claws out, but you were already bleeding, your nightshirt and the mattress stained.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry- I-”

“It’s okay,” you managed to say as he caressed your cheek before taking you in his arms hurriedly and quickly made the way out of your room through the halls. “The nightmares… I know, Logan…”

“God, I’m so sorry, please forgive me. Hank!” Logan stood outside the scientist’s door. “Hank, I need your help!”

The commotion caused some of the students to peek from their doors, and Logan waited outside what he felt it was forever under the gazes of the teenagers. It wasn’t the first time he had caused the same accident. The door opened, finally revealing a sleepy Hank putting his glasses on.

There was no need to explain what had happened.

—

“She’ll be stable soon,” Hank informed once he let Logan inside the med bay. “If you hadn’t brought her soon…”

Logan swallowed the knot on his throat, watching your unconscious figure on the stretcher. You already had received blood to cover up what you lost because of the wounds, and Logan’s claws were not minor weapons. His mind was a mess, confusion taking over. He didn’t know how he let this happen. He had nightmares pretty often, yes, but nothing like this.

Maybe Jean was right. Maybe she was trying to warn him about something. Or Jean was just trying to protect you from him. The last one felt more realistic. Logan wouldn’t hurt you, not ever. You talked about how dangerous it was to sleep together not so long ago, but you had insisted on staying. It was the first time something felt so damn real in his dreams and he wished you wouldn’t let him in your room that night…

“She’ll wake up, right?” Logan asked.

“Absolutely,” Hank nodded. “I will need to monitor her vital signs though, hopefully within a day or two she will be normal again… At least she’ll be stable until the wounds heal completely.”

Of course, Logan thought. You didn’t have a healing factor just like him.

“I’ll be right back,” Hank announced before stepping out of the room, leaving Logan alone.

He felt so guilty for doing this to you. For everything. For being the cause of your suffering now. He was a threat and mentally unstable. He was strong thanks to his genes, but he was weak on the inside. He promised countless times to protect you, but he couldn’t avoid hurting you himself. It didn’t matter that it was a very bad dream that felt disgustingly real, he had failed and hurted someone who truly loved. Again.

Taking your hand gently into his, he leaned to plant a kiss on your forehead, wishing it would be just another game from his mind.

But it wasn’t. Now, he had the person he loved the most lying unconscious and hurted because he would let his darkest thoughts consume him.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, watching you sleep peacefully. “I should have said it sooner.”

-

PART TWO

[shall-we-die]

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{Love letters}

How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

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↬[Fandom]•⊰ {Bungo stray dogs}࿐

↬[Warnings]•⊰ {Yandere behaviors}࿐

☰[Main list]•⊰ ────┈┈{0087}┈─╮

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╰┈➤Likes/Reblogs are appreciated࿐

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↬|Atsushi|

Atsushi would likely approach his s/o in a manipulative and obsessive way. He might start off by stalking them and observing them from afar, learning as much as he can about them and their interests. Once he has a good sense of who they are, he may approach them under the guise of being a casual acquaintance, but quickly escalate to being overly attentive and overly protective. He may also manipulate them with gifts and words, trying to make them dependent on him and feel like he’s the only one who truly understands and cares for them.

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↬|Dazai|

Dazai would be very strategic and calculated in his approach. He would likely gather as much information as he can about his s/o, their interests, hobbies, etc. He would use that information to appear to be the perfect match, acting charming and understanding, complimenting and flattering them frequently. He would also subtly make it known that he is not one to be trifled with, as he can be dangerous if crossed. He would make sure that his s/o is completely taken in by his charm, making it difficult for them to resist his advances.

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↬|Chuuya|

Well, the first step of a yandere Chuuyas approach to courting his S/O would be to start observing them closely. Chuuya would keep a close eye on them; he'd study their habits, their favorite things and activities, the way they interact with others, and he'd take everything into consideration before coming up with a plan to approach them He'd try to find a way to get their attention, by showing off his skills or by offering them a small favor, until he gets a reason to speak with them.

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↬|Akutagawa|

Since he doesn't know much about relationships and being with someone he'd start by watching them from afar, probably trying to get as much information on them as possible. He would then make sure to "accidentally" bump into them more often and would slowly start to act more close to them (while still being pretty cold) At some point he'd probably end up in a conversation with them somehow. After this he'd probably start asking more about them, getting to know them more and start showing a little interest.

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↬|Tetchou|

Tetchou, being a yandere, would act pretty normal on the outside like any normal person would approach someone they liked. The only thing different is the thoughts and inner monologue he’d have while talking to them. Inside, he’d be planning out how to make them his, wanting to know everything about them and how get as close to them as he can. He would also be very obsessive over them, never taking his eyes off them. But, all of that would be kept secret behind his calm and normal demeanour.

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↬|Jouno|

Jouno would approach his s/o in a calculated and methodical manner. He would likely start off by observing them from afar, gathering information and understanding their preferences and behaviors. Once he has enough knowledge about them, he would make his move by striking up conversations and slowly building a relationship. He would be charming and attentive, making them feel special and desirable. He may also use underhanded tactics such as manipulating certain situations to his advantage or using information he knows about them to gain their trust. Overall, his main goal would be to win them over and make them completely dependent on him.

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↬|Fyodor|

Would try to spend as much time as possible with the person to figure out what they like and dislike, while also figuring out how vulnerable they are, how much they trust him and would they trust him blindly. Would constantly be around the person, maybe even stalking them, watching them closely and seeing their habits. Would try to give his s\o "gifts" like random chocolate bars and such... Wouldn't give them direct signs at first, would be a bit secretive about his feelings.

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↬|Nikolai|

Nikolai would definitely go all out for his s/o, being very determined to have them. He would probably try to court them in a very over-the-top way, being very flirty and seductive. Nikolai would use a lot of pick-up lines on them and try to flatter them and show off his best qualities. Nikolai would probably try to impress his s/o and show off how charming he could be, and he would definitely not listen to them if they said no. Nikolai is absolutely relentless in the pursuit of his s/o, and will do anything to win them over.

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↬|Sigma|

As a yandere, Sigma would approach courting and approaching his s/o in a very intense and obsessive way. He would go out of his way to get close to them, constantly trying to spend time with her and be around her. He would also pay close attention to their likes, dislikes, and habits, and would go the extra mile to do things for them that he knows they would appreciate. He would also show a deep sense of devotion and loyalty to them, wanting to prove that he's the only person who can truly love and understand them.

||[🄻ove Letters]||

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[keen-eye]

Do you have any Wincest headcanons?

would you call these headcanons? idk, but the only wincest that i'm interested in and believe would fit into canon would be this (long post):

it wouldn't be a normal relationship like they're just regular boyfriends. they are brothers first and foremost with a toxic, power imbalanced relationship and have spent their entire lives in each other's pockets

it would be one-sided with dean being as obsessive and possessive over sam as he is in the show (expanded on below). ultimately dean’s main desire has always been to own sam, mind, body, and soul, so to me it works whether he’s physically attracted to sam or not

they wouldn't have sex often and it wouldn't be just for the sake of it (unless dean really needed it). it would be about control and during times of intense drama. and also sam’s libido went way down as the seasons went on. on that, i can't imagine dean ever being okay with being a sub or a bottom with sam. how they are with women would have no bearing on how they'd be with each other. dean is the poster boy of toxic masculinity, he would consider bottoming with a man, especially sam, to be the most emasculating thing ever. and i don't think sam would ask him to

a concept i find interesting is heaven’s manipulation of their lives and sam & dean being soulmates. i would attribute some of it to them crossing that line but i don’t want to discredit sam & dean just Being Like That and how john raised them

i don't think they'd have any physical relationship before s3 (which i'll expand on), not as kids, not as teens. but i do think dean would have always had strong, passionate, and volatile emotions about anything sam related. i like the headcanon that dean knew mary was pregnant before she did and that he was obsessed with sam from then on. i think it would be plausible for dean not to realize that he wanted sam in that way until after sam left for stanford. then that adds another layer onto dean stalking sam at stanford and him waiting nervously outside sam's dorm in the pilot after they hadn't talked for two years. i do think dean is a creep (pos) and felt entitled to sam for most of their lives but i don't think he'd try to coerce/force sam into anything (at least not until after s3)

a point in the show that i think a physical relationship could begin would be in s3 right before dean is about to go to hell for possibly eternity and sam finds out somehow that dean has felt that way about him for a long time. maybe a situation similar to when veritas the goddess of truth forced dean to admit that he thought about killing soulless sam in his sleep. or maybe dean admits to sam or sam picked up on it and has known for a while. even though sam does not reciprocate those types of feelings or attraction he still loves dean and wants to give dean this one thing that he wants before he dies to repay him for sacrificing his life for sam

it would lead well into s4, the turning point in their relationship where they've come out on the other side of it as different people and tension is very high between them. and it would add another layer to it especially with dean's mistrust and jealousy of ruby. i don't think they'd have sex at all during that season, and if they did it'd be only once and dubcon, not gentle like in s3. and then starting in s5 when sam feels extremely guilty and is desperate for redemption/forgiveness and approval from dean more than ever i can imagine sam attempting to use sex to reconnect with him again just to be denied because dean is still mad at him. but dean would eventually give in because he never stopped craving control over sam and so he uses it as a way to assert dominance like in s4, just with non-sexual tactics in the show. and then so on

as for another season where it could begin, maybe season 11 or really anytime after that (unfortunately that means demon dean is never involved but if it did happen in s10 then he would just straight up tell sam). they either slowly or all at once put the pieces together about exactly how weird they've always been about each other, about all of their jealousy of each other's friends/partners, how other people have described their relationship to them. this doesn't mean it has to be sexual, as it isn't in the show (well, depending on how you choose to look at it). but if it is, it's still mostly one-sided in the sense that dean has always seen sam as an extension of himself and sam no longer fights as hard against it because it's been beaten out of him by the later seasons by things external to and within his and dean's relationship (sam absolutely has stockholm syndrome). but i don't think sam would ever stop flipping back and forth between acceptance of their unique situation and guilt/disgust. i don't think dean would care as much. this is also when they're deeply entrenched in domesticity and already basically acting as a husband and wife. then adding jack into the mix makes that even more overt

chuck would have known, obviously. i can see him acting understanding when he was just chuck and then taunting them with it when he was an antagonist. lucifer would have known if it happened before the cage and maybe if they started in s11, great torture material. gadreel wouldn't care. but castiel would have known for a while and he'd be understanding. i can also get with cas being in love with dean but dean is solely focused on sam, as he is. it wouldn't be wincestiel because although i support sastiel shippers i like the special friendship that they have more

lastly, hot take, i can't imagine them calling each other "baby" or any other pet name. "sammy" fills that role already, and i don't like "de". also the impala is already "baby" (unless you want to get into sampala...)

sorry if you wanted cute headcanons or like actual scenarios lol. i'm probably not the right person to ask about fluff or anything more specific than this, i'm more interested in their existing dynamic that blurs that boundary. also sorry if you're really against canon dean's abusiveness towards sam you probably won't like this one bit

[luminique]

Fate, Hollows, Grief and Lighter.

cw // mentions of death, angst, comfort. 4.8k words, not proofread, lighter x gn reader. happy birthday lighter !

You don’t have to be an expert to understand that hollows are confusing. There’s a lot of mystery that goes around them despite the amount of resources that is put into its research. Everyday, it’s some new discovery, some new technology, some new treatment related to them. You told Burnice to switch through the other channels on the mini television at the bar, you didn’t get much of the newer shows in the Outer Ring but you did get the boring news channel.

“Joining us for today’s program is Miss Hoshimi Miyabi from the Hollow Special Operations Section 6. I believe that she needs little to no introduction as your team has been making the rounds online with the most recent case,” a man wearing a black suit, presumably the host, guided the camera over to the thiren next to him with his hand. You’ve seen her before, the proxies that the Sons of Calydon have worked with also mentioned Section 6 as one of their clients. Not everyone can just step into a hollow, even the proxies themselves don’t go in there willingly.

After a moment of silence between the host and Hoshimi Miyabi, the man finally breaks the ice. “Well, we are not here to discuss the controversy; however, there has been a recent discovery regarding the hollows. According to the White Star Institute, your team was able to control Hollow Zero and noticed how time was affected in there. Can you please elaborate on that?” The host was clearly uncomfortable by her quiet demeanor, thinking he’d be interviewing someone who was not as unapproachable as her.

Time, huh? That’s nothing new, even the Tour de Inferno had improved its recording equipment in order to reduce the delay between the inside and outside of the hollow. “Yes, due to its high ether energy, Hollow Zero has the ability to manipulate time, causing us to fight ethereals we had initially already taken down.” The fox thiren finally spoke, her voice was clear and confident, fitting for a chief. The host beamed at her answer, you could see the worry in his eyes when she took a moment to respond to him. “Were there any other anomalies aside from that? The claim coming from the White Star Institute is rather large and I believe that viewers at home would love to hear your experience.”

Lighter notices you staring at the screen intently, it was a rare sight for you to be so engrossed in such a show. He taps the counter a couple of times as he sat on the stool next to you, Burnice immediately understood what that gesture meant. His hand came up to your side, resting it on your hip. “Didn’t know you were into this kind of thing,” his smooth voice cut through your train of thought. You barely even noticed him, finally back from a few small fights but barely even a scratch on his face.

“They’re talking about hollows, those proxy friends of yours should know more about it than this old man on the screen.” you pointed the remote at the screen, not changing the channel though. “My deputy chief, Tsukishiro, found herself reliving a moment from her past relating to another member of my team. Asaba said that he was beginning to see the same ethereal over and over again. For me, on the other hand….” a moment of silence from the young lady as her hands gripped on her neat skirt. “I was able to see other possibilities of my past decisions and how they’d affect my current self.” Her usual commanding voice began to sound slightly weak and shaky yet her expression never faltered.

It slowly clicked in your head. This new discovery was not the simple time manipulation that had been publicly known for years, it was instead a lot more complex. A lot scarier, a lot more complicated and even went into the realm of alternate timelines. Was that even possible? Time travel and theories of alternate timelines have been one of humankind’s biggest questions. Would this not have been found out earlier while researching other hollows? Every smaller hollow around Eridu came from the existence of Hollow Zero, what made those any different?

You turn to look at Lighter, his usual laid back demeanor now mirrored yours. He hadn’t even touched his drink once since Miyabi had spoken. “Now look who’s the one staring at the TV,” you teased as you pushed on his shoulder lightly. His sunglasses slipped down his nose bridge, he cleared his throat as he pushed his shades up. “I just thought it was interesting, nothing more,” he pretended to not show how much that information meant to him.

If you could do it all over again, would you? The opportunity was presented right at him, albeit from a boring show on the TV. Rarely was it ever on this channel, as Burnice would normally choose to have it on some sort of sports or music channel. However, she’d listen to her customer in front of her and on this early evening, it was only you sitting there.

The thought was intriguing, he did have a higher ether aptitude than most. Venturing into hollows alone, with a carrot, wasn’t anything new to him, especially not after the passing of his fallen comrades. He doesn’t know exactly where they were last but he’d often bring flowers to where he found their dog tags, at least he knew they were there at one point. He knew that time worked differently inside the hollows, communication becoming an issue inside and outside of it, but he didn’t know anything more than that was capable.

No, no. He can’t just go into Hollow Zero and come out unscathed like it’s a normal fight. He could live his whole life not knowing what would’ve happened if he had chosen to go with them but the knowledge that he can, at least, see its possibility… that was eating at him. After you had teased him, the idea was still there. Who wouldn’t want to know what happened during that one moment in their life? Who wouldn’t want to know the answer to ‘what if’ and ‘if only’? He shook his head, trying to get rid of the curiosity building up in him.

Cold glass, the refreshing drink that he had gotten accustomed to since joining the Sons of Calydon now tasted bitter. No lollipop in his pocket to distract him from his thoughts. Another harsh swallow, he placed the glass back on the counter. “Do you want another glass? Maybe some Nitro-Fuel instead?” Burnice’s cheerful self was always ready to fill a glass up despite knowing that he doesn’t prefer the taste of Nitro-Fuel on its own. Now though, it sounded just perfect to make him forget this information.

Night time came, the howling winds kept Lighter awake. Usually he would have passed out already from the amount of Nitro-Fuel he drank but for some odd reason, he couldn’t now. It wasn’t odd at all, he knew why he was awake. Haunted by the memories of a not-so-distant past, the voices of his comrades rang in his ears as he got up from his bed. His bright red scarf that contrasted his usual outfit, was now stuffed deeply into his jacket. The soft clinging of the dog tags were now muffled by his scarf, his heavy footsteps making his way out to his bike. The only way to forget is to completely kill a man, erase his memories and the possibilities that he can come up with.

With his past as mercenary leader, getting to Hollow Zero wasn’t a mystery. Many have gone there in hopes of getting rich, finding some sort of ethereal matter, or maybe searching for whatever was left of the person they once were. Dodging a few military bases, back roads and, going through smaller hollows, Lighter found himself right at the edge of Hollow Zero. There were a few close calls on his way here, but nothing a Carrot can’t solve. The convenience of modern technology, able to find the safest route out and predict any new changes in the course of being in the Hollow. If only they could predict the possibility of his friends passing that day.

He parked his bike, brought the little bangboo off his bike and took a deep breath. “Lighter…” He heard the faint whispers of his name as he stepped into the pitch black sphere, the voices sounded oddly familiar to him. An older breathier male voice, a deeper younger male voice, and a reassuring female voice all coming together to call for his name. No, he can’t be hearing things. He was still young and had just entered the hollow. Signs of corruption did not include hallucinations, nor did it include any sort of hearing problems. He ventured deeper into the hollow, bangboo by his side to make sure he’d make his way out.

Ethereals came at him but they were no match, one after another. A swift punch before landing his finishing blows on them, he dusted off the little bits of burnt etheric matter off his shoulders. “Lighter! There you are!” He immediately prepared himself for another fight, quickly looking around for the source of that voice. No ethereal was in sight however, maybe it was paranoia striking him once more. He decided to take a break somewhere off to the side, taking a serum to reduce ether corruption. He closed his eyes, the rubble of the Fallen Eridu surrounding him as he was taken back to his days of a mercenary leader.

He remembers it like it was just yesterday. The smiles on their face, the laughter, the drinks, the bets, everything that your typical mercenary group does. They were his comrades, his friends, his family at the time. He was still new to leading a team, choosing to go for the higher paying jobs in the hollows rather than outside work. He’d come back with a few bruises here and there, getting patched up while trying to split up the money they received. The hands of Dane scruffing Lighter’s hair, or Nick reminding him to stop smoking, or Ratena drinking another pint of Nitro-Fuel with him. He could see and feel those memories so vividly…

“We’ll be heading out now, Boss.” Dane gave a hearty pat on Lighter’s shoulder, a firm goodbye grip to tell him to rest. Lighter chuckled as Dane finally let go,“It still sounds weird…” he added on, believing that such a title isn’t fit for him just yet. “Ratena, you got the med kit ready?” He asked the tomboy-looking female who was always prepared when it came to injuries. Even his now fractured arm was taken care of by her, proving her deep knowledge in the field of first aid. She nodded towards him with a small wave of her supplies in hand, “All ready, Lighter!” Nick gave a weary smile, one that was oddly energetic for a much older man than everyone else in the group.

“Take care, everyone. Remember what we’re going in there for, retrieve the item and receive our cash,” everyone looked towards their leader, Lighter giving them one last reminder before they headed off. All of their dog tags hung around their necks, reflecting the bright sunlight and Lighter’s own reflection. “Be back safely!” Dane’s little sister began waving goodbye as they watched the team head off straight into the hollow. Lighter knew of the dangers that they could face while in there, especially with the lack of a Carrot. Those don’t go for cheap however, good and reliable info about hollows aren’t easy to come by at low prices.

That final goodbye would serve to be his biggest regret in life. A wound that can never be healed no matter the amount of times he went back to the last place he found their tags. He had called out for them and yet no response, shouting into an endless void. What would’ve happened if he had followed them that day, not heeding their advice and sacrificing himself alongside them. Non-existent answers to a question that has ruined a young man of his own mental freedom.

Boss… Kiddo…. Lighter….

Was he going insane again? He opened his eyes, expecting to see nothing just like before but this time, he was outside of his old mercenary camp. A distant woof could be heard as an eager dog ran right up to him, pouncing onto him. ‘What? This… this isn’t right…’ Lighter thought to himself. Was this some sort of deja vu? A dream of some sort? The dog licks Lighter’s face, excitedly panting and sniffing him. This felt a little too real for him, running his hand through its soft fur.

“Lighter! We got another commission today. Gotta go into this hollow, grab this ‘mysterious item’ and they’re paying us big time,” Dane came up behind him and petted the dog, throwing a small ball to allow Lighter to get up. Lighter turned around, seeing the large man with his familiar beanie towering over him. He fell back, not believing what he was seeing. Was he dead? They do say that the brain replays the best moments of one’s life before death, but this seemed less like a memory and more like reality.

This was just the day before their deaths, was this his second chance? “I was able to see other possibilities of my past decisions and how they’d affect my current self,” the fox thiren’s experience now making sense as he looked up at his should-be-dead companion. “U-uh yeah. Dane, sorry but I don’t think we should accept this mission,” Lighter grabbed Dane’s hand, his fractured one still healing in its cast. Dane blinked at his teal-haired leader in confusion, not expecting him to decline such an offer. They walked back into the home, Ratena and Nick coming up to them with big smiles on their faces.

As Ratena tended to Lighter’s fractured arm, they all discussed their plan regarding the new mission. “They said it’s just a box, bring it back safely and then we’ll get paid,” Dane said with lots of enthusiasm, playing around with his little sister. Nick gave a hearty chuckle, petting the dog as he spoke, “It’s not easy, my boy. Look at what happened to Lighter the last time we went into a hollow.” Both men looked over to Lighter, seeing the effects of an ethereal attack and Nick being physically unfit to keep up with the rest of the group. Before Ratena could give her input, Lighter interjected with the knowledge of their future. “I really don’t think we should go. Hollows are dangerous and just like Nick said, ethereals are no joke.” Lighter hoped they would understand him without him needing to explain to them why they shouldn’t go.

Ratena shook her head, “Oh c’mon Lighter, you don’t trust us? We got out safely last time and we made big bucks.” Safely? Was having a fractured arm considered safe? Was bleeding out his side considered safe? “Guys, you can’t be serious.” Lighter was in disbelief, he remembered his initial response in his past. He had agreed wholeheartedly to the offer, thinking that such a huge sum of cash was what they all needed to live better lives. Now with his knowledge, he didn’t want to lose them. Not again, he didn’t want to make the same mistake twice.

“Yeah boss, we know how hard you’re working. You gotta rest up and we’re more than capable of taking down those ethereals.” Dane gave him a wolfish grin, clearly oblivious to why Lighter was so against all of this in the first place. “We’ll leave in the morning, be back by sunset.” Nick had the whole plan laid out on the table, trying his best to reassure their worried leader. Everyone went to their sleeping quarters that night but Lighter couldn’t sleep at all knowing what would happen to them. He laid awake in his cold bed that his body used to find solace in, but now reminded him of the hard shell of a coffin.

Sunlight came streaming through the windows, Lighter was the first to get up, the rest unknown to his lack of sleep. Everything replayed exactly as it did on that fateful day; Dane placing his hand on Lighter’s shoulder, Ratena waving her first aid kit in the air, Nick’s energetic smile that highlighted his wrinkles. He can’t relive this, he can’t let this happen. “W-wait!” They all turned back to him, stopping right in their tracks. Lighter had already told them to take care, what else was there to be said? ‘Don’t die’? ‘Don’t go’? ‘You’ll all die and I won’t be able to find you’? He had recurring nightmares of this exact moment multiple times before this and yet, the words were stuck in his throat. “I’ll miss all of you.” Lighter couldn’t stop them, even if he tried. Fate is cruel in that way, never is it a choice, unable to be changed. As he watched them leave again, tears began to prick his olive eyes. He closed his eyes, trying to blink away those tears but also look away from his regrettable decision.

The sandpaper-like wet and warm muscle went up Lighter’s cheek again. He blinked open his eyes, seeing the familiar sight of yesterday. Was this some sort of hell? A never-ending cycle of living his lifelong burden he carried with him. As expected, Dane’s voice could be heard once more, grabbing Lighter up from the ground and bringing him back into the camp. As expected, they had planned to take up the offer because money is money and they were mercenaries first and foremost.

He was determined this time. If he couldn’t stop them from going, at the very least he had to make sure to go with them. Ever since that day, he had been yearning for death. If Fate won’t change his friends’ passing, maybe it will be kind enough to change his. “I’ll go along,” Lighter’s confident voice cut through their chatter. “But boss, you’re being stretched thin.” “Your condition still isn’t fit for a mission in a hollow.” “Take it from an old man, you deserve the rest, son.” All of them gave their own concerns to Lighter’s suggestion–arguably, it sounded closer to an order rather than a suggestion–but he didn’t want to listen to them. He was adamant, also having his own power as their leader to push himself into this plan. He was willing to do anything, not caring about his injuries. With little to no luck, they accepted his persistence, each slowly heading off to bed to prepare for the early morning.

He had dreamt of this possibility for days, maybe even months. His body was definitely not in the best shape but if he could spend just a few more minutes with his comrades, his limbs could be torn off by an ethereal and he’d still smile through it all. It all played out exactly as his memories, this time he was joining them. As they walked together towards the hollow, Lighter began to feel dizzy. His vision slowly blurred, however his companions continued to walk forward.

“Dane! Nick! Ratena!” Lighter called out to them, yet they didn’t turn around, not even taking a moment to stop. “No, no, no no no no NO-” He tried running towards them but the distance just kept getting further and further. Running infinitely, trying to catch up to them but with his poor condition and slowly darkening eyesight, he couldn’t continue anymore. He came to a stop, looking down to his feet and seeing something shine in the dust. As he bent down, his eyes widened in surprise. It was their dog tags; Dane, Nick, and Ratenna, but there was one more with its name turned over. Lighter Lorenz. His name. How was that possible? His hand immediately went to his neck, searching for his tag that always hung around there. It wasn’t there. That was his dog tag, on the ground, with the rest of his mercenary companions.

He fell to his knees, understanding the possible outcome of this decision he could’ve made back then. Who would have found these if it weren’t him? Who would carry on their stories if he had gone along with them? What does that mean for his current present self? Questions bounced around in his head, holding those dog tags close to his chest. Tears began to trickle down his face once more, sadness being a common emotion at the end of all of these possibilities.

As he blinked away those tears, his surroundings had also changed. His bangboo would’ve notified him if he walked into a fissure so there was no way that he did. The setting sun of the Outer Ring burned his pupils, a scenery that he has become more than accustomed to since joining the Sons of Calydon. He hadn’t made any regretful decisions since joining, so there has got to be a reason that he’s experiencing this random day again.

He heard footsteps coming up behind him, followed by the sounds of feminine laughter. Despite being called the Sons of Calydon, it was a biker gang filled with mainly women. Currently, he is their champion, always winning and never turning down a challenge. They all stood side by side next to him, joking and teasing around with each other. “Caesar! Did you use my makeup again?” Lucy was trying her best to pull the tall green-grey haired woman down to her height. Piper barely kept her eyes open while Burnice was drinking another pint of Nitro-Fuel down as they all watched the sunset together.

“I can always buy you more makeup, Lucy.” Lighter offered, his used to be young voice was now a lot deeper. None of them replied to him though; Caesar and Lucy still argued with each other, Piper was trying her best to stand up straight, Burnice started playing her songs. Was he being intentionally ignored? He remembers this moment, him heading out to Lumina Square and there he met you. His life had fully turned around when he joined the Sons of Calydon, understanding what it meant to be a Champion. Not just theirs, but yours as well. He had people he wanted to protect, disasters he wanted to prevent.

Fate played its tricks on him once more. He had his ‘second chance’, choosing to die alongside his comrades and now he had to ‘live’ as a ghost. Lighter was slowly trying to figure out how Hollow Zero was affecting his memories and ‘fate’. None of this was real–he knew that at least–but he had to admit that it felt real. Would he be satisfied with death? Would he be satisfied with his story not having a proper ending? His movie could be hours long, but after 30 minutes, there would be an abrupt black screen.

‘The aim of all life is death. Only there can we find true peace.’

This wasn’t the peace that he wanted. He craved closure, real end credits to his tragic documentary. If the aim is death, then he’ll live until he’s tired of it. Until his face becomes sore from smiling with you, until his taste buds turn numb with the lingering after notes of Nitro-Fuel, until his eyesight becomes hazy from the bright lights of the city, until his ears start ringing because of everyone’s laughter.

He yearned for death, believing that regret was all he could carry in his heart. Love and companionship changes a person, losing it turns them into a monster. He knows how it feels to have survivor’s guilt, he now knows how it feels to have so much love left to give but ultimately ripped away from him. Care, love, remorse, regret, they all went hand in hand when it came to Lighter, he can’t have one without the other. Tough decisions, bad mistakes but they all ultimately led him to where he was now.

He felt the Outer Ring’s breeze brush his face, a soft and gentle reminder of his new home and his new family.

Lighter opened his eyes once more, a small LED screen with crying eyes were barely inches away from his face. His hand went up to give the little bangboo a pat on the head, making it immediately spring back to life. “Hey, little guy. You think you can get us out of here?” Lighter asked as he slowly pushed himself up, seeing a few ethereals around. The bangboo began running through the hollow, following its Carrot to find the nearest exit out of Hollow Zero.

A couple of punches before swiftly sliding away. His top priority was to get out safely, not to fight every ethereal in his path. This ever changing maze proved to be difficult to navigate, the poor bangboo constantly finding a new route. After winding through the ruins of Old Eridu, they finally made it out of Hollow Zero. Further away from where they initially entered, however nothing too far to walk to. The sun was beginning to rise now, painting the sky in light gold hues. As he drove back to Blazewood, he took in the early morning sights of the Outer Ring. After living in the shadows for so long, he remembers his first purchase since being saved by Big Daddy. He used a little bit of the money to purchase his first and only pair of sunglasses. In order to help him acclimatize to bright life above those fighting rings while helping him with his hemophobia and eye injury, he thought that the shades would be a good start to his new chapter. Everything was a change of pace, including these.

“Lighter! There you are!” He immediately froze up. Those were the same words he heard in the Hollow. Was he still in there? He got off his bike and turned around slowly, preparing himself to see nothing again. “Where were you? I was worried sick last night when I went over to your room and you didn’t respond.” Your concerned voice put him at ease as he looked at you. “Uh um… my bad. Just… wanted to go for a late night drive,” his voice was shaky, hoping you wouldn’t see through his lie. Your brows furrowed as you looked him up and down, he felt as though he should just die because of your intense gaze. “Without me?? Next time I go to Lumina Square, I am not buying you the super pack of lollipops,” you teased him. He let out the biggest sigh of relief, for once not worrying about whether he’d get his favorite grape-flavored lollipop.

He removed his glove off of his hand and brought it up the side of your face. Your soft skin under his calloused hands, this felt like his true reality. He could see the way you scrunched up your nose, your eyebrows raised as he began caressing your cheek. “I missed you,” he whispered out, just loud enough for you to hear. It was still early in the morning, not as many people out just yet so he could allow himself this vulnerability for just a moment. Especially after realizing the possibility of never seeing you again, never seeing the girls again, he doesn’t know if he’s ready to go just yet. “What are you saying? Did you hit your head on a cactus?” Your hand went up to his, cupping it against your face as you nuzzled into him. He couldn’t give this up, never in his wildest dreams could he imagine a decision better than what he made back then.

“I just thought I should tell you. I lo-“ just as he was about to finish his words, Piper comes up in Steeltusk, parking the truck right next to the both of you. “You youngsters are so energetic these days…” She commented as she filled up the truck with some fuel, chuckling to herself. Both of you turned a little red, Lighter especially. Everyone knew of your relationship and yet it was still a little embarrassing to be so outwardly in love with each other. Lighter cleared his throat, thinking that Piper was still the same as she was in his memories. The rest of the girls were probably still asleep but this was all he needed to confirm that he was indeed out of that damned hollow.

With your hand in his, he knew what was waiting for him at the end of his life. The Sons of Calydon that he sworn to always win for, his mercenary comrades that haunts him every night, the friends he had made through the Tour de Inferno, and his love that was willing to be with him through it all. Fate is unfair, humans do not have the power to change what has already been decided. However, being human means having the power to live your life to its fullest, accepting what fate has in store and learning from it. Lighter will carry his regrets and burdens with him, over into the afterlife and even when all he becomes is a humble cactus to poke you.

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 2 part 3

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])

agatha going UGH!!!!! when she sees jen's name. are you a toddler?? are you four????

"bougie probiotique" lmao

AGATHA

she's here she's queer she's gonna put an egg up her vajeer

sasheer zamata the glorious gay goddess that you are

"jen the potions guy" sounds amazing. I'd use that on my business cards

aaand once again I'm billy

I love that these two have clearly known and hated each other for centuries - sometimes you just see an enemy and immediately go, oh it's you motherfucker. and I think that's beautiful. (dear lord that store is so pink)

and once again: hilarious dialogue, heavy and dark undertones. jen has very, very legitimate reasons to hate and mistrust agatha, even more than she realizes. she will never open up to agatha like the others, and that's both fair and sexy of her. tbh she was too kind all things considered, that bitch deserved her ass kicked from here to the afterlife

case in point, agatha knows jen well enough to manipulate her into joining them. and jen knows agatha well enough to say what will hurt her. she picked the worst thing she could come up with

billy and the audience don't notice that agatha has just been stabbed in the heart

partners in crime, once again! agatha is so proud of her boy's lil manipulative side. and yep, billy is not as naive as he tries to appear. he's still a bit clueless, but he tries.

love how they're so deliberate in depicting the witches as a legit community with its own culture and history.

watch this scene again. now think about the rage and soul and desperation jen pours into winning her powers back from agatha. look at the way these two are being both so casual and so callous about jen's deep, bleeding trauma. not so funny a scene anymore, is it?

agatha shoving a fistful of paper in her mouth so she doesn't have to say rio's name also goes in the top five funniest list. she'll never beat the toddler allegations

and now she's gobbling a corn dog! see what I have to deal with here?? how can I keep it classy?

what's really iconic is bringing your gay son to hot topic

alice always looks a little hunched down, as if she had, idk, a giant disgusting harpy sitting on her shoulders. the more I think about it the sadder it gets

oooh, those are dorothy pigtails. i get it now.

you know, I said yesterday that agatha successfully cons jen and alice, but that's not true. she couldn't have swayed jen without billy's help, and she had alice completely wrong. she thought alice was looking for her mom, but Lorna didn't die on the Road and alice always knew it was a con - she's actually the world's biggest Road expert after agatha herself. seems like Agatha is pretty desperate and out of her depth without her mind reading powers. (wait, do we think billy is the one doing the mind reading, is that why he got to jen so easily?)

seeing her being so cruel with people's deep seated traumas is really upsetting me. especially considering how she guards her own trauma. feeling guilty afterwards is no justification, she knows exactly what she's doing.

these two need their own show. oh wait, they already have it.

but agatha saying "we don't need her" and then pushing people around in the mall - she is upset about what she just did to alice. and she's almost relieved she said no, that she gets to spare her. sweet, sad alice, so spiky on the outside, soft as a marshmallow on the inside. she did not deserve any of this. her death is entirely on agatha.

sighing and looking wistfully out of the window, she's in pain but determined to go on

meanwhile detective agnes is working hard to figure billy out, you can practically see the gears turning inside her head. I think at this point she already kind of knew, tbh. "I have a theory, but I need more."

aw

see you next for the ending of episode 2. and this time I'm giving a shoutout to @one-step-at-a-time25, who was having a lot of fun in the tags!

go to episode 2 part 4

[nayatarot777]

Unpopular opinion:

Pride and ego is NOT a bad thing when you correct it and when you build it healthily. There’s a reason why so many women are willing to act like someone they’re not, let a man tell them who they can and can’t be, etc. Who in tf are you in this world? YOU control the answer to that question. And the longer you don’t know who you are, the longer you’ll be manipulated, moulded, and played into being someone else for someone who doesn’t even love you for you. Your ego is your protector. Hence why it’s a natural part of childhood development, around the ages when you get more social interaction with the outside world. So if you’re walking around without much of an ego, you’re walking around with little to no protection. That’s the equivalent to living in a house without locks. Or leaving your car unlocked at all times. Does that sound smart to you? And could you be surprised when you’re an easy victim for others to invade your space and take from you? No. You couldn’t. So for those of you who lack ego and pride and are always taken advantage of: what tf are you surprised or shocked about? You’re literally allowing yourself to step out into the world unprotected. Despite knowing how dangerous the world can be. You’re not a perpetual victim to life. Life/God doesn’t hate you. You’re just a vulnerable person who has, for some reason, kept yourself vulnerable in a place full of danger. Can you be surprised when people view you as someone who’s easy to take advantage of and use? No. And don’t mistake this for being blamed for other peoples actions. That’s on them. But you definitely can be blamed yourself for your actions (or lack thereof), such as: NOT putting in boundaries, NOT protecting yourself, CHOOSING to keep yourself vulnerable.

With that being said, how can someone “love you, for you” when there is no core “you” to show them? And that’s exactly what your ego is. Who you are as a human being that you show to the world. It’s your strengths that you put on the forefront when you’re manoeuvring through life. It’s also a fraction your authentic self as a human being - hence why people who are not authentic have such fragile egos. They’re easily hurt, right? Easily put down and diminished without much confidence left afterwards. The people who either don’t fight back against injustice towards them, or they do, but they don’t know how to fight back effectively. It’s quite illogical to expect for people to love you for you when you wouldn’t even be able to tell/show someone who you truly are - simply because you don’t even know who you are. Or because you don’t think that who you are is good enough so you’re willing to pretend to be someone that you’re not.

Please understand, ladies, this world will chew you up and spit you out if you ALLOW it to. Define who you are and stick to that, and don’t ever change unless the change is what YOU want. More men do exactly the opposite, and that’s why you can’t tell men shit about themselves. For better or for worse. They know who they are a lot more than we do and they stick to it. The ones who don’t are the ones who are taken advantage of by others - just like many of us.

I could never understand how so many girls and women around me were so willing to ALLOW a man to tell them how they should/shouldn’t dress. Who they can and can’t be friends with. Where they can and can’t go. How they can and can’t act - especially in relationships. It confused me and, I’m not gonna lie, I thought that it was just stupidity on women’s part that played a part in that. But I had to check myself and identify the difference between women that I knew who were like that and women who weren’t - instead of just boiling it down to mass idiocy through my own ignorance. I was raised around a lot of brothers, and a Jamaican family in general. Jamaicans are known for being quite prideful (ngl, in more toxic ways), but my brothers would also never allow me to let other people tell me who I should and shouldn’t be. Thats when I came to the conclusion that the major difference is pride and ego (which is heavily linked to self respect and self esteem). Thats when I realised that it wasn’t stupidity - it was brainwashing and conditioning. And I believe that for centuries, men broke down the egos of women because they know the truth about being egotistical. They know that when you’re egotistical, you’re not going to allow someone else to impose on who you think that you are, for the sake of pleasing them. You’re going to be confident in yourself and not put yourself as a lesser being to someone else, which only leads to you becoming a complete people pleaser or a doormat. Basically the perfect victim for those who want to control and manipulate.

There’s a reason why so many women who have acted like doormats feel so much shame after all is said and done. Thats your ego and pride telling you that you deserved better and you knew it deep down the whole time. That you haven’t acted in a way that you can even be proud of yourself (because of your lack of pride). And that you put up with bs that you should’ve cut off time ago. Think about it.

[stnaf-vn]

DUDE!

THERE'S A WHOLE YANDERE ALPHABET!

https://www.tumblr.com/loveundrwrld/744165546988322816/yandere-alphabet?source=share

Sending this to so many blogs omg

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get? Friend shows his love and affection through gift-giving, words of affirmation and physical touch.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling? Whatever it takes.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them? Sure you'd be chained up in his basemen by your ankle with only a hatch as an escape, but he'd make sure you are fed and clothed and taken care of. Whatever you ask for (except for leaving), he'd do.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will? No. Unless you count threatening anyone who is trying to get close to you.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling? Friend wears most of his heart on his sleeve around you. I'd say a good 90%.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back? He'd feel upset, but he knows it's just from shock. You'll be fine.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape? He'd hate trying to see you escape. He needs you, you're his lifeline.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them? His anger and his jealousy.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling? Whatever future is you by his side and not you worrying about anyone else, he will accept.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope? He does get jealous, a lot. Like, a LOT. He can hold it in for a period of time but if it keeps piling up he's bound to explode.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling? Like your best friend! Your charming, sweet best friend you've known for years.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling? Friend already knows you, knows what you like. He'll copy whatever way you enjoy most. He can be direct, he can drop hints, anything.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else? Y e s. Friend hates people, almost all people. Except for you.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling? Emotional blackmail and manipulation.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling? You can't go outside, you can't talk to anyone else. You can stay right there in the little environment he has created for you, surrounded by all the gifts he'd give and the comfort he provides.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling? Friend can be patient, very patient.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on? No. If you died, he'd kill himself. If you left or escaped, he'd search the ends of the earth to find you. No stone unturned. No matter how long it would take.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go? Friend would feel guilty about it but he assures himself this is how it is meant to be. No, he would never let you go.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)? His immediate family died, all of them, in a car crash. He cared deeply for his sisters, and now they are gone. Then, you tried to leave him for other people.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves? He'd be very patient and attending, trying to help in his own weird way.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere? Friend does not resort to physical violence against you. He just will slowly break down your spirit. He also is fine with not dating you, you just still can't leave him or be close to other people.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape? Say you'll stay with him. Be as about him as he is about you.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling? No.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over? Friend basically kisses the ground you walk on. Behind the charming, silly facade of your best friend, he will do anything and everything for you.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap? Friend is patient, he can wait. You don't want to date him? That's fine! Just don't expect him to let you have other friends too.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling? Mentally and emotionally, yes.

[jeonscatalyst]

https://x.com/inkedjkk/status/1831670685305114941?t=JUfQ9UQXLYowW2zfP1KgUA&s=19

Mind you this is some 9k+ followers acct

https://x.com/pinkorangesun/status/1831647803803902094?t=Gl9Z92VsCpcCa5GBQKJdOw&s=19

https://x.com/jikookreports/status/1831664356150386976?t=bWMuICdCMpkc3t7MGBTZng&s=19

I actually don't wish to be like a Tkkrs even on my worst enemy cause the guarantee of you ever turning to a normal human is 0 % there.

You know why I would never take these people seriously? They don’t even believe the things they say. They have spent years calling us jokers, laughing at us for believing in what we believe in and thinking we are gullible and stupid for letting the “company narrative” cloud our judgement of reality but look at the things they do. Why on earth would anyone feel the need to intentionally manipulate sub titles just to make it seem like Jk didn’t want to be there unless they are mighty insecure? I swear I wouldn’t feel the need to do any of these unless I am seriously worried that Jk might have been there because he actually wanted to be and I need to convince myself and my minions that he didn’t want to so we can feel better.

The funniest thing is, taekookers will have a much easier time if they just accepted that Jimin and Jungkook are friends who love each other. Because even if you really believe taekook is real why do you need to try to hard to invalidate the friendship of Jungkook and one of the members he’s known for over a decade? Friends can travel and do shows together can’t they? We know that Jungkook has been on multiple private trips with his friends outside of BTS, they’ve been around each other so much in chapter so why can’t they continue believing in their ship and just regard Jimin as one of Jk’s other friends? Unless they can’t do this because there is a part of them that sees exactly what we see and that frightens them. I have recieved asks from people sending me what some of the taekook blogs on here are saying and it is beyond ridiculous.

Imagine claiming that Jk was on his phone alot because Tae wasn’t in this episode like we didn’t all watch Tae spend 3/4 of his time in episode 4 and 5 on his phone when Jk was seated right next to him. So by their logic Tae has another lover who kept distracting him right? Plus Jk was actually on his phone in the episodes in Jeju too but it wasn’t as noticeable because there were two other people we could pay attention to while he was a bit distracted on his phone but when have taekookers ever cared for logic?

Imagine them also saying that Jk looked like he didn’t want to be there with Jimin in Sapporo Lmaoo. I think these people are forgetting that the trip in NY was the only one Jimin himself suggested. The trips to Jeju and Sapporo were BOTH Jimin and Jungkook’s ideas and from the look of things Jungkook might have been the one who suggested they go to Sapporo together, I mean he said this….

They also seem to forget that Jungkook is the one who spoke about wanting to do this till they are 50 and from the look of things he wasn’t joking because after NY, they went on to shoot in 2 other locations and might have done more if they had more time. Untop of that Jk basically spent this entire episode saying this….

I know they have never been good at listening to Jk but isn’t it common sense to know that if someone really doesn’t enjoy doing something they wouldn’t wanna do it again? Plus this whole travel show wasn’t an idea that came from the company (because I jusy know they would throw in the contract bullshit) this whole thing was only possible because Jimin and Jungkook wanted it to be. Jimin pitched the idea to the company with Jungkook’s approval and they made it happen so if Jungkook didn’t want it in the first place, even the NY trip wouldn’t have happened and that’s a fact.

They can go on crying about how Jk didn’t wanna be there even though we know he was the one who wanted to go back, or talk about how Jimin and Jungkook have no chemistry (we all saw the great chemistry taekook had in the jeju episodes with Tae being more interested in his phone and bed than anything else while Jungkook kept talking and interacting with Jimin mostly) but at the end of the day, when they look at this picture they know Jk was happy af to be there and only wanted to go back with the same person he was there with in 2017……

So let the haters cry. Let them gaslight themselves the way Jungkook was trying to gaslight himself about not liking the spicy braised chicken in Jeju lol. Let them continue convincing themselves that Jk had an awful time and only did it because he was contractually bound to while they have to wake up seeing this big smiles on his face while he is having a kdrama moment in the snow with his Jiminie hyung😌

PS: Notice how Jungkook said he normally doesn’t like walking? But we know that the longest walk he has had in his life was in Japan with Jimin where they even had to walk slowly because Jimin’s feet hurt and here he is in Sapporo again walking with Jimin because he doesn’t mind walking in the snow with his Jiminie hyung🥰

[thatawkwardmoth]

Emma and Scott both having shitty parents (not Katherine Summers, I'm never talking shit about her) is just another reason they make a good couple.

Let me explain:

Scott is raised military before he's even a soldier for Xavier. It's little things that show it but, as someone who's dad was raised by a military man, sometimes it's hard for parents to leave the army for Base only. Scott, in the meager amount of scenes we get of his childhood, has almost the same mindest of Dean Winchester in a way. His father gives an order, he might protest but eventually, he always complies. Number one example being the plane crash and the one parachute thing. But also that he spends so much time worrying over Alex. Even after being forced to forget about him, he still remembers parts of him. And yes, it is because that's his little brother and he loves him so much. But it could also be because the phrases: 'look out for your brother', 'Keep your brother safe', 'Watch out for Alex', have been said to him since the day he met Alex in the hospital, newborn and fragile enough that Scott, even at two years old, knew not to be rough.

And it doesn't change, even on the Krakoa arc, he is angry over Alex being placed on Sinister's team. (And sinister referring to the brothers as 'his boys' gives me the ick. They Not Like Us vibes from his character in general when it comes to the Summers brothers…) He can't take care of Alex, make sure he's safe and sound, if he's on the same team as the guy who experimented on a preteen Scott for funsies and genetic testing.

Now, Katherine Summers, we don't have a lot of comics with her. But she's shown as the perfect mother figure, raising two rowdy boys mostly on her own with how busy Christopher is. And Scott and Alex remember her fondly. So no fault to her. But Christopher fucking Summers, every fault to him.

I'm not demonizing him, I need that known. I'm not saying that he's the next John Winchester (because at least he came back to check on his kids, unlike Corsair), I'm just saying that he raised Scott to be the perfect solider for Xavier and the perfect experiment for Sinister. Because he followed orders and he didn't argue back to adults (eventually he did, but you get the point).

Scott has so much unpacked trauma from his childhood and that small series where deplaced Scott is with Corsair doesn't really cover any of it. Neither do modern comics.

Emma, on the other hand, was raised in high society. Has always known the rich life and the challenges and difficulties that come with it. Mainly, her father's goals for her and her mother's long broken soul.

She grew up trying to be the perfect daughter despite being the black sheep. She couldn't meet his goals and faced his wrath for having dreams about being a teacher. His rage followed her into training the Hellions and it led to their deaths.

Now, it's not just her father's temper that is the reason she's got shitty parents. He's a cheater, a manipulator and discards his children like broken toys when they don't follow his strict guidelines of life, ex. Chrisitan being a drug addict, the older sister doing modeling, his younger being more goth and alternative for 'attention' as Emma puts it. Leaving him to pick Emma to continue his company because she's like him, a fact he learns after she blackmails and exposes his affair to his wife. He's willing to let Emma be given a pass on things purely because of his money and only stops her from hooking up with her teacher because it's not who he wants her with. No mind to the fact that he's an adult and she was a child. I hate the teacher thing. Can we tell?

He's a shit father but Hazel Frost is not exempt from my shit talking. She is not Katherine Summers. She's absent most of the time. Being the perfect socialite wife. She doesn't have a life outside of her husband's money and the parties she throws (more garden parties, not Tony Stark rager parties). She cares about her children, yes. But the tiniest amount. She can't bring herself to be there for them when they're going through difficult times. She's been broken by the expectations on her, to be the traditional wife, that she can't be bothered when the affair is revealed to her. It's heartbreaking and it makes me sad but it doesn't excuse the way she ignored her son's drug habit or her daughter's crisis with new powers and bullies at school.

Now Jean Grey has shitty parents but only after she is revealed to be a mutant to them. They sent her to Xavier's school to help her through the grief of her friend's accident and the issues she'd been having recently, not because anyone told them about her mutation. Now them rejecting her did hurt and they played a giant part in her turning into Dark Phoniex. But that happened when she was an adult. For her formative years as a child, they were present and lovely. Even as a teenager, it's shown that she calls them and writes letters and visits them on holidays. So, as much as I am a Jott and Scemma shipper alike, she can't relate to Scott's trauma and parent issues until she herself is burned and abandoned by her own. Emma, on the hand, can. She's had a shitty dad and Scott's had two and one creep that is obessed with him. She's had to mature faster because of her father not paying her ransom and making her rescue herself and decide to run away. Scott can relate to her running away, seeing as it is his favorite thing to do. Ex, the orphanage, Xavier's, Alaska, so on and so on.

Emma has even lost loves before! She was geuinely in love with the guy waiter from the comic series about her life. Was distraught when he died. She's been scorned by lovers before as well. Her teacher that she had a crush on and sabatoged a few friendships in college for (stupid plotline. stupid. stupid.) eventually reveals that he hates mutants and sees them as freaks, making Emma leave him and never look back (finally, my girl was free).

Jean hasn't. She's never lost Scott except when he cheated. She's never had to grieve him or bury him as many times as he has had to for her. Even Madelyne, who scorned Scott for reasons purely blamed on the absolute worst comic book misunderstanding and miscommunication ever, has never related to Scott on those levels. Emma has buried him and been scorned by him and still loves him, is the one he trusts with his resurrections in the Arbor Magna. It really speaks volumes.

And I'm not pitting the two ships against each other. I'm not. I'm pointing out the differences in the way they can relate to each others' pasts.

[animeyanderelover]

It’s been eternities since I’ve written for Death Note. I actually did a request of L and Light falling in love with the same darling but honestly, that’s been so long ago and my skills since then have improved quite a lot so I’ll just do it again.

Tw: Yandere themes, toxic relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, stalking, clinginess, manipulation, delusional mindset, gaslighting, sadism, threats, violence, abduction, isolation

Falling for the same darling

Light Yagami & L Lawliet

✍️​🍰​You'd have to be someone either involved in the Kira case or someone who is close to Light which would make you automatically a victim to L's observation. After all you could be an accomplice of Kira if you were to be someone who Light trusts a lot. Whatever the case is, you will get dragged into this one way or another with those two fighting over you because they will absolutely not share you. Whilst I would say that L would actually be the one who would fall faster for you, especially if you give him lots of sweets, he is the slower one in realizing his own feelings. So whilst Light takes longer to gain an interest in you if he shouldn't have known you much prior to L's involvement, he would be the one to notice his own feelings as well as L's equally big interest in you. It's obvious that the detective has formed an attachment to you as he constantly clings to your side as soon as he sees you and even insists on sharing his sweets with you, not to mention the slight blush he has on his face when you do something that makes his heart flatter.

✍️​🍰​Before Light can even begin forming a plan though, L realizes his own feelings too. It took him only the tiniest bit longer because he has never been in love with someone before and the constant isolation due to his identity having to remain a secret have caused him to not be very in tune with his own emotions yet funnily enough he has noticed Light's interest in you before he fully noticed his own. Now that both of them are on the same page though and both of them are aware of that. From that day on both of them start another warfare behind your back as neither one of them wants to expose themselves to you and to the other just yet. It's still too early. So a lot of hidden blackmailing and subtle manipulation is involved as both of them play tug of war without trying to alarm you just yet. Light and L are constantly testing the other one out as they both start getting more involved with your life.

✍️​🍰​Light initially might have a bit of an advantage over L who has still to figure out how to handle his romantic and obsessive interest with you. He's charming, handsome, intelligent and knows how to flirt with and court someone. So he uses this experience in an attempt to get closer to you as he is a master of acting and tries to manipulate you subtly into listening to him and acting to his liking. He has more freedom than L most of the time as he has a life outside of working together with the police force and L to expose who Kira really is. L is because of the case sometimes more limited as he doesn't spend as much time outside as Light does and especially if you are also in college like Light is, he is aware that the boy has a lot of time he can spend with you. If that is the case he tries to interfere as much as he can by either keeping Light busy or using another cover to just squeeze himself in between the two of you as much as possible. He's like a really pesky leech that refuses to unlatch from you.

✍️​🍰​Your opinion of Kira is important to both of them as they constantly question you about your opinion about him and your own definition of justice as both of them try to manipulate you to agree with their own thoughts. Light has to be a lot more careful than L though because differently from L who makes his dislike towards Kira obvious, Light would potentially expose himself to the detective if he were to admit that he supports him. L might even go as far as showing you pictures of the victims of Kira to mortify you and Light is on the inside always seething as he instantly scolds the black-haired man for his insensitive behavior towards you. Light uses his chances in exploring L's far more obvious awkwardness around you as it is obvious for him that the detective doesn't really know how to behave around you. That leads L to coming over as weird and creepy at times when his dark eyes feel like daggers about to pierce through you, obsessively watching your every move.

✍️​🍰​Despite Light's advantage when it comes to behaving like a normal person around you, L has far more influence than he has. He can easily get his hands on all sorts of information about you and can stalk you by getting all camera footage or even going as far as installing a tracker on you. L is able to keep an eye on you even if you aren't with him whilst Light has to bicker with Ryuk until the Shinigami eventually agrees to stalk you for a bit for Light's sake and in return the boy buys him his beloved apples. Light is fully aware that L could probably take you away by framing you for something within an hour and the only reason he hasn't done it just yet is because he is determined to catch Light in his lies, partially by even using you a bit. I can't exactly deny that both of them sort of explore you to get under the skin of the other one since you're currently their weak spot. They keep their dislike above each other hidden when you are around but as soon as you turn your back to them, they look at each other in discontent.

✍️​🍰​The involvement of Misa is a double-edged sword for both Light and L due to her own obsession with Light. She gets extremely jealous of you because she wants Light for herself and he had to suppress the urge to slap her or even just outright kill her since she possesses the Shinigami eyes and because Rem has also threatened to kill him if anything should happen to her. He is forced to keep her on a tight leash and tell her that she is his only one even if her touch makes his skin crawl. Whilst L is obviously cautious of her because she might be the second Kira, he also explores Misa for his own advantage as he uses her as some sort of cheating code to keep Light busy and hog your attention and time for himself whilst leaving Light silently losing his mind whilst trying to deal with Misa. Tension grows as time passes on though and things start to escalate as Light as well as L start putting you in dangerous situations only to rush to your rescue as your personal hero to earn your trust and gratitude all whilst being the ones who are responsible for it anyways. It doesn't matter who you choose, in the end the one who wins this war also wins you.

Fyodor Dostoevsky & Nikolai Gogol

🍎​🕊️​Surprisingly enough a pair that could work somewhat together although don't just get all comfy because of that. Nikolai already has a weird fascination going on with Fyodor whilst Nikolai is possibly the only member in the Decay of Angels and the only person overall that Fyodor sees as more than just a pawn. The one major problem this interest that both of them share for you initially is Nikolai's desire to free himself from his own emotions. He expresses his wish to Fyodor that he wants to kill you too to free himself from the binding chains that tie him to you and that is one of the few times where Fyodor actually threatens the clown to kill him if he should ever try to end your life. Nikolai can't lie tha he enjoys the fact that he can actually get a reaction out of Fyodor, as subtle as it may be and in an almost weirder sense does he think that the friendship between Fyodor and him deepens as he sees both of them as chained to you because of their shared interest in you. What a wonderful experience this is~

🍎​🕊️​Nikolai is the one who will one day just appear in your life and get in contact with you with his eccentric personality whilst Fyodor remains for now in the shadows and watches everything closely. It's likely that he has made a deal with Nikolai to prevent the clown from possibly ending up killing you by telling him that he'd give him a chance to kill him later as soon as both of them have secured their hold on you. From the very first moment with you, Nikolai is very social and open around you in his own weird ways. Despite his somewhat eccentric ways though, he is actually fun to be around and likeable due to his own quirkiness. He can joke with you and make you laugh and shows you some magic tricks too to keep you entertained all whilst gauging you for every facial expression you can give him. He wants to see everything you have to offer from your joy and laughter to your tears and your sorrow as he sometimes doesn't care when something terrible happens to you as his eyes are glued to your face, gleaming with sadistic joy and fascination.

🍎​🕊️​Whilst Nikolai takes for now over the part of spending time with you and getting to know you personally, Fyodor takes over everything from behind the scenes. He gathers the information about everything else in your life from your family to your friends to your job to your entire past. Both of them exchange intel about you every night over a cup of tea. Most of the time it is Nikolai just gushing and rambling about everything he could observe whilst spending time with you as he switches back and forth between having a sickly infatuated smile on his face to a scarily sadistic grin as he wonders how you would react if he were to kill someone you love in front of you or if he would hurt you. Fyodor just listens calmly to him as Nikolai talks and talks and talks about you, recalling everything about in accurate detail before Fyodor eventually has to interfere or else the white-haired man might talk for hours about you. Nikolai just gets so very easily lost in thoughts of you.

🍎​🕊️​Nikolai doesn't think about stopping Fyodor though when he starts slowly crushing everything you have so carefully built and established in your life. In fact he supports his bestie with this deed as he gets to enjoy you slowly unraveling in front of him each and every day as your life slowly falls apart. He has seen you already expressing joy, surprise and confusion but he has never witnessed you giving him a face full of despair so he sucks your every expression and sound up like a dry sponge with an utterly fascinated and happy grin on his face. The fact that you get freaked out when you notice the smile on his face as he leans closer to you, his gleaming eyes scrutinizing your face closely and carefully to engrave this memory in his mind just like he has done with everything else you've done, doesn't really bother him. Instead he starts questioning you how it feels to lose everything as he chooses to give you some of his quizzes, his scary behavior slowly pushing you away from him. By now it is far too late already though.

🍎​🕊️​You are put in a literal cage by Nikolai's desires as he could spend hours staring at you in it, his hands clutching tightly the bars as a frenzied look appears in his eyes as if he is about to pounce on you every moment now. How does it feel to be a bird without freedom now~? Do you feel the same sweet torment as he does? Or are you just in plain misery? Whatever you feel, he's sure it'll be entertaining. As crazy as it sounds, you almost prefer Fyodor for a while as he is much more calmer than Nikolai as he's the one who actually gives you some information instead of his partner who just toys with you and keeps you on edge all of the time. Sometimes he even apologizes for Nikolai's eccentric and overbearing and if he would have any heart left inside of him, he might even sympathize with you because he is all too familiar with Nikolai's antics by now. If you thought that you were suffering before, you're in a world of pain now.

🍎​🕊️​It is Fyodor who has to establish the boundaries though as his friend is far too volatile as he is guided by his emotions more often than Fyodor. Fyodor and Nikolai obviously both share a sadistic streak so there are times where both of them enjoy your torment and pain together with Nikolai being the more vocal one in expressing his joy over seeing your misery whilst Fyodor is just silently drinking in the sight of your pain. Fyodor knows when to stop though as he punishes you for the most part only until he's broken you and freed you from human's sinful nature, even if he might still sometimes be a bit sadistic. He's composed and controlled but Nikolai struggles with holding back at times as he seems to go back and forth between his behavior. Sometimes he acts like the Nikolai you once knew, all funny and joking with you, and other times he has his hands wrapped around your neck, squeezing until you see black spots dancing across your vision. His feelings have reached a weight, a gravity that pulls him down and even he doesn't know anymore at this point how to feel. He wants to kill-No, he doesn't...But he wants to be free...But can he really...?

Jouno Saigiku & Suehiro Tetchou

♦️​🌸​God, this is going to be so messy because those two just don't get all too well along. They're disagreeing always about something even during their duties and the tension only sharpens as soon as both of them develop an interest for the same person. Saigiku is the first one to notice because of course he can sense Tetchou's quicker heartbeat when around you and all the other sounds from his co-worker's body that go crazy as soon as you are around. In that moment to Jouno feels like this is the worst thing that could have happened to him because from all people it had to be Tetchou. The Hunting Dog doesn't want to share his darling with anyone but especially not with such an hopeless and idiotic optimist such as Tetchou. Now, Tetchou is certainly slower to realize everything that is going on. Chances are that he might be even a bit oblivious to his own feelings at first but seeing how Jouno tries to get involved with you certainly pushes him to notice his own feelings as well as Jouno's mutual obsessive interest in you.

♦️​🌸​He knows what Jouno is like so Tetchou doesn't trust you with his fellow Hunting Dog because he has a strong desire to protect and coddle you as much as he can. Saigiku on the other hand is just a sadistic bastard and he doesn't want you to suffer or to feel any pain because of him. So Tetchou makes it his personal mission to protect you from Saigiku as he tries to glue himself to your side as much as he can. Jouno's involvement is funnily enough the trigger that pushes him to reveal his own unhealthy feelings more to you. He's suddenly overprotective and clingy as he tries to get you to listen to him because he tells himself that he knows what is best for you as you don't know how cruel Jouno can be. Because Tetchou is as often with you as he can, Jouno decides to step temporarily back and just observe from the sidelines with a displeased expression on his face. What should he do about Tetchou's pesky behavior?

♦️​🌸​Both of them are somewhat limited though, much to their dismay. Both of them are part of the Hunting Dogs after all and the growing tension between the both of them is palpable and that becomes quickly obvious for the other Hunting Dogs as well. They glare at each other, Jouno's words are snarky and aggressive as he constantly provokes Tetchou and tries to get under his skin whilst Tetchou constantly warns Jouno to not do anything with you through clenched teeth as his hands form into fists. There were a couple of times where it almost looked like the situation would escalate and both of them would just fight but eventually Fukuchi gets involved and forces both of them to sit down together with him. Let's talk to each other, okay? Despite those friendly words, he as a threatening and displeased aura around him due to their immature behavior and so both of them are forced to admit what their problem is.

♦️​🌸​Fukuchi looks somewhat bamboozled as he realizes that the main problem is that two of his subordinates have just gotten quite attached to the same person whilst Teruko is laughing her ass off in the back and tells both of them that she'd like to meet the person who made both of them act this way. The old man quickly regains his composure though and reminds both of them that they are Hunting Dogs and that they have a duty to fulfill and that does not include constantly brawling and looking like they're about to kill each other. They have too much value as Hunting Dogs for the government so they wouldn't be thrilled either if they were ever to find out that there is such internal conflict between Tetchou and Jouno. Fukuchi decides to give both of them a chance to figure this out themselves though before he or the government get involved because they can not afford to have those two possibly drag down the efficiency of the Hunting Dogs because of their feelings for you. Either they work this out themselves or you have to leave the picture via Fukuchi or the government.

♦️​🌸​It's a threat that both of them know will become reality, they know better than to underestimate Fukuchi just because of his sometimes questionable antics despite his age. So Jouno approaches Tetchou not long after and whilst the dark-haired man doesn't even want to look at Jouno, he listens as Jono forces the idea of a cooperation out of him. He'd rather nail his tongue on the wall than do this but now both of them have been pushed in a corner with no real other way out. It isn't even the government both of them are worried about, it's more the lingering threat of Fukuchi and the likely involvement of Teruko since she is extremely loyal to her captain that manages to keep both of them on some sort of leash. They argue still though as Jouno wants you locked away and isolated and Tetchou disagrees as he still wants you to retain some right for freedom. Both of them ultimately can agree on moving you into an environment that both of them can supervise more closely. If an enemy would find out about your connection to them after all, this all could get very bloody and troublesome.

♦️​🌸​Honestly, if it wouldn't be for Fukuchi who manages to have some amount of control over them, both of them would have gotten into a lot of serious fights by now. They can never agree on anything when it involves you besides brutally murdering everyone who dares to hurt you. Tetchou is too lenient and weak for you in Jouno's mind and Jouno is too uncaring and sadistic in Tetchou's mind. They can literally not stand to be in each other's presence and so both of them have to be left alone with you because it would end in another huge conflict if they would try to share you whilst in the same room. The relationship is restricting and suffocating because both of them bring the worst out in each other as their behavior escalates. Jouno grows even more possessive and controlling over you whilst Tetchou grows all the more overprotective and clingy. You probably still prefer the dark-haired male though because he at least knows how to express his emotions around you whilst Jouno still struggles to be more vulnerable around you and your preference for Tetchou does not help him to be nicer.

[trashogram]

The inbox is open again!!! It's great to send asks again, but I'm most relieved that you didn't receive any troll asks ^^

So, let's kick off this new year with my re-write for;

Blitzø and Loona

Blitzø

Honestly, up until that Stolitz BS, I like Blitzø's character! He seems perfect for Hell, and although he's a murderous asshole, he has enough relatability(?) For the audience to engage with the protagonist outside of dark humor. So I don't think I would change Blitzø so much.

Well, one thing I'll change. Cut out all the dog piling he has gone through in Season 2. I mean, yeah, Blitzø needs to account for his actions and realize that he's only hurting himself in the long run. But he needs therapy and his found family coming together, not everyone in his life to call him a horrible person and not even offer him support or apologies when he needs it (I'm thinking of Fizzaroli specifically, not Stolas because I'm more than likely going to just erase the Stolitz. Yes, Fizz got hurt real bad in that fire, and he was led to believe Blitzø abandoned him. He needed that apology and the closure. But you know who else needed those two things? Blitzø, the guy who never meant to destroy everything. The guy who probably watched his mother die by that mistake, get kicked out by his father and be fed the same manipulation that Fizz was- all after he watched his own parent favor Fizzaroli because he made more money. Why does Fizz get a pass saying "I'm sorry" for never reaching out and assuming Blitzø wanted to hurt everyone?? Or even something like "If I had known..." or "It's not your fault"??? Maybe it's just me, but it's kinda bugging me that Blitzø is the one who has to apologize to everyone, but no one seems to see he needs some nurturing too.)

Oh! Knowing myself, I would have made Blitzø blind in his right eye, the one that got affected by the blast. Or at the very least, make it white to show it was affected. Can you imagine Blitzø with one red eye and one white eye, kinda like Sallie Mae's eye, and little hints to his partial blindness with him being more partial with his left side (like becoming ambidextrous or aiming a gun with his left side), or him bumping into things on his left side? Oh! Can you imagine how much cooler it'd be that with his blindness, he's able to become one of the top assasins in Hell?!

Those photos of Blitzø crossing himself out, I think I would change that. Cause like, everyone can see Blitzø's obvious self-hatred and they don't react at all to it?? Blitz would still hang pictures of his loved ones on the living room walls, but you'll notice that they all conveniently leave him out. It's all about Loona, Millie, Moxxie, even Barbie. But no Blitzø. It's a subtle detail that people in the show may miss. But if anyone goes to look through his room, you'll find photos of himself cut up, burnt, and shredded by his own hand. Some may even look like he cut himself out of some pictures in the living room.

One more thing that, knowing myself, I would have done is still keep Blitzø stalking his employees. But instead of it being him wanting to turn their OTP into an OT3, it stems more from how he was raised. Think about it, Blitzø, Barbie, Fizz, and any other kids who might have been part of the acts had the entire circus with them. Knowing myself, I would have made it that since Buckzo is such a deadbeat and only cared for Fizz, the other actors and clowns pitched in to help Tilla raise the twins. Especially as she grew sicker and sicker. So, to Blitzø, co-workers were also family. Him constantly prying into M&M's and Loona's lives is more him trying to recreate that big family he had. He'd constantly suggest they all might as well move in together. He'd refer Millie and Moxxie as Loona's aunt and uncle and proclaim himself as the uncle to their future kid ("Sir, we're not even mates!? We're just dating??" // "Not with that attitude you guys won't be!") etc. He feels like if they all aren't this huge family that work together, they'll all grow apart, and he'll be alone again. It'd still be Blitzø projecting his desire for love onto Millie and Moxxie, but in a more familial/platonic way, I guess?

But I also liked Blitzø just loving them and wanting to be part of their relationship/wanting a relationship like theirs. Poly love needs to be explored more in media imo and Blitzø definitely seems like the kind of guy to carry the polyamory flag at pride to me. So I want to keep this, but knowing myself if I was the one writing the show, I would have thought of the above route instead 😅 but I figured i should still share because why not? ^^

Loona

I saw some redesign of Loona that changed her to be 18, closer to age with Octavia and more like a kid. Honestly, I think I would have done that. Have Blitzø adopt Loona when she was 13, and by the time she can get her Hellbies shot, she's 18. It is important to show the fear and suffering kids that age out of the system are put through. But honestly, the show didn't do too good a job of that, I think. (And, this could just be me, but with all of the sexualized merch of Loona, it feels like Viv only made her 22 years old so they can have her smoke, drink and be furry bait for the show. Had this been any other creator, I wouldn't have thought this. But with Viv... yeah.) So yeah, in my re-write, Loona is younger. A legal adult (by our standards), but still a kid who is still figuring out herself and the world, if we're all being honest.

Apologies for the ranting. That'll be the last one, I promise.

Another reason for that age difference. In Hell, since she's just a hellhound and not seen as an actual child or person, anyone who takes a hellhound in can return them anytime they want while they're still minors. Loona has had owners who always returned her when she fought back. She was punished for simply standing up for herself in a society that sees her as nothing more than muscle at the most. So when Blitzø adopted her and proclaimed her as his daughter, she was skeptical. She kept her guard up around him and never called him Dad for five years, even though she wanted to in the last few years (the times she almost did though, she caught herself on time or said it so quietly Blitzø didn't catch it)

I would want to make an episode of her 18'th birthday, the final day that Blitzø can return her or kick her out to the streets, she's terrified. She's panicking in her room, switching between hugging herself and packing her valuables while she can and trying not to cry. Even though he's been nothing but caring towards her and has never given her up as his daughter before, today is the day that'll show if he really means it and or if she was right to keep him, Millie and Moxxie, at a distance. She tenses up when she hears a knock on her door before Blitzø cheerfully tells her he's got a surprise for her in the kitchen and mentally prepares herself. But when she goes outside, she's greeted with the sight of a gift on the counter next to two full plates of breakfast food, and the imp happily greeting her with "Happy birthday, Loony!" Before slowly beginning to cry as it dawns on him that she's all grown up now.

And there, Loona can really see Blitzø never saw her as an animal he can just return. She has a family with Blitzø. Her dad. That's when she can finally open up to him and let him in. And I guarantee you, they both would have cried.

... I'm not sure if I should include my OC in this. But if I can, then another reason for Blitzø adopting Loona when she was younger, it contrasts how Bella aged out of the system while Loona got to be adopted before she was. They both were still put through a lot since that was where they grew up, but Bella is just grateful that Loona made it out before she had to go through the same fate she did.

Of course, I'm definitely changing Loona's attitude and treatment towards Blitzø. Yeah, she's been through so much in the pound, but that doesn't give her the excuse to abuse others. I would have put more emphasis on Loona being more awkward and trying to stay at a distance from the others rather than her insulting or hurting them. She does verbally bite back a few times, but here it's treated as a kid who learned that as a defense mechanism against something she thought was an attack on her rather than "haha the wolf made the possum cry"

Maybe- MAYBE I'd have one time where Loona actually hurt Blitzø or the others. Like if she threw something in their general direction and it hit them unintentionally, or she shoves them away in a playful or startled manner and it was a lot stronger than she intended. But afterward, she realizes what she has done and tries to make it better, apologizing while she picks them up or cleans up the mess, hands shaking because she's convinced that she's going to get it now. Either Blitzø is going to treat her like everyone else has, or he's going to return her back to the pound. But the point is that it wouldn't be played for laughs. It's treated as something serious.

I'm unsure if I would have Loona drink and smoke. It is Hell, so I doubt underage usage is uncommon. But it can also be difficult to broach. If I did, though, Blitzø wouldn't just let it happen. That's his daughter wrecking herself before she's even fully grown. As someone who also stole his dad's booze and the other performers' smokes, he knows it's not healthy. When Loona is old enough, she can drink and smoke all she wants. But not when it'll really hurt her. It's unfamiliar to her to have someone care about her health outside of making sure she doesn't spread diseases, but that's one of the first signs that Blitzø truly cares about her.

And the little things that Loona does to show her own care would be shown more often. Even if she's still unsure to call Blitzø her father until the birthday episode, it's been five years since he took her in as his own. She wants these people to be her family, but she can't let her guard down too much yet. She'll put labels on food she knows belongs to who if they forgot to instead of just taking it for herself. She texts M&M what Blitzø is up to, so they'll be prepared when he drops in. And she'll check up on Blitzø whenever he holes himself up in the bedroom or bathroom.

Basically, instead of writing Loona as a one-dimensional moody teenager-but-not-really, I want to give her actual growth. Show how she's changes from the scarred pup in the pound and her self-destructive habits... Just like her father. Blitzø and Loona would mirror each other in certain ways despite how differently they grew up. Once his mother died, Blitzø had nobody. And when he saw Loona in the pound that day, with the same hopeless and scared look in her eyes that she tried to hide behind a defensive snarl, he saw himself. And he couldn't let her slip through the cracks.

Also, I'm considering giving her and Blitzø a sense of survivors guilt. She didn't seem to get along with many of the other hounds, but whether she did or not, she knows all too well how awful that place is. And how the hell could Blitzø not have survivors guilt after that fire?? Maybe one day, he could have talked to Loona and found out how she felt, and assured her how she shouldn't blame herself. It's not her fault that she got somewhere safe, and it's not her fault how the pound treats the hellhoubds inside. And maybe, as he's telling her all these things, he has a moment to himself when he realizes that that should apply to him as well.

This is all I've got so far, but I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting some things I wanted to add 😅 I'll just add it to the notes if I think of it. I hope you like these!

Next up is Barbie and Fizz, so stay tuned! I got big plans for them.

EEEEEEEEEE!!! I’m so happy to see more rewrites for HB from you! 💕 Your ideas are 🧑‍🍳 💋 top notch 😄

For Blitzø — I agree with you! I liked him initially bc he does fit as a protagonist in Hell. He should be an asshole, but with enough relate-ability or charm that the audience can hold onto throughout the series to remain invested. And I love the idea of Blitzø sustaining an injury beyond the scars, especially with you pitching ideas on how Blitzø adapts to partial blindness!

I am definitely in favor of taking out the dogpiling. It’s so painful to sit through, and I feel like it would be for any character whether they “deserve” it or not. It’s just not enjoyable to watch. I also like the idea of the Blitzø and Fizzarolli relationship getting a better rewrite where both characters are able to receive comfort and closure. I think it would take a full season at least to address how this rift happened and to come to a somewhat satisfying conclusion. I like the possibility of exploring Fizzarolli seeing Blitzø’s behavior in a new light — potentially Fizz realizing how Buckzo manipulated both him and his son, and how Blitzø and Barbie endured an insane level of abuse by the man while Fizz had no idea.

With M&M, I really love the idea of Blitzø’s stalking being more of him just wanting to be close to them in a familial way. It’s very sweet, although I’m also not averse to the idea of Moxxie/Millie/Blitzo (I in fact preferred that idea in S1 😄).

NOW LOONA

Your rework of her character makes me cry 😭 in a good way! But ahhh, she’s more than tolerable the way you write her. I actually feel so much sympathy for this poor pup, and understand her lashing out (but not in an intentionally malicious way that includes physical violence, at least not without recompense or consequence). And you show respect for her as a character, rather than as furry bait — which I agree is what Loona is in the show proper 😒

I don’t think I have anything to add because her rewrite is perfect (and I do adore the idea with your OC so much 🥰).

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for getting someone kicked out of our school's theatre program???

i (18x) have this friend (18f) i'll call whitney. we met through the school's theatre program and have known each other for about 3.5 weeks.

for a while i really, really liked whitney!! she was super cool and funny and i wanted to be friends with her!! but the first time we ever hung out outside of rehearsal, she made a joke about how i was vulnerable and easy to manipulate due to my mental illness and how she would love to be my shitty boyfriend and treat me terribly. i know she meant it as a joke and it WAS funny in the context of the show we just did, and i didn't take offense (it was true), but i kept thinking about it for a while and what a weird thing it was to say to someone you don't know very well.

last night she invited me back to her dorm and i went and we talked for a few hours. everything was normal at first and she was super cool. then she told me that she used to run a proana blog on tumblr where she had 5000+ followers and posted "tips and tricks." that would ALREADY be bad, but then she told me she's never actually had an ed. she just thought it was funny to see how many people would interact with her posts. as someone who used to have a pretty severe ed, and still does to a much lesser extent, i was really triggered and on the verge of tears. i tried to redirect the conversation a few times and when whitney wouldn't change the subject, i had to call my roommate to come save me.

i really don't want to be around her in the future. she consistently makes me uncomfortable. i was considering bringing it up to some of the members of the exec board of our theatre troupe, who are my friends; however, nothing she ever said was IN the context of theatre or related at all to the program, so i feel like she never violated the "making people uncomfortable" policy of the troupe. she just happens to be a shitty person OUTSIDE of theatre. and i know theatre is one of her safe spaces that i really really don't want to get her kicked out of for no reason. but at the same time, i don't want to have to make the choice between a) not doing theatre or b) spending all my time around her when she says shit like this.

(also worth noting that we're in college so rules about what a person in the program can or cannot do are much less strict and much more up to the exec board's, and college's, discretion as opposed to high school theatre where all extracurriculars are regulated by the principal.)

WIBTA if i talked to the exec board about her??? i feel like i'm overreacting but this seems like really shitty behavior

What are these acronyms?

[golbrocklovely]

outsiders // colin and penelope

A/N: i know this is unlike anything i've posted before on here. i'll be honest, idk how else to explain this other than i direly need to see luke newton play a vampire, so this is about as good as it's gonna get until then. this is also very vaguely based off of a tweet that said this picture of polin makes them look like a cunty vampire couple and you know what??? they ain't wrong about that lol i used direct lines from the show, particularly in the drinking scene with the boys and the carriage love confession (which will be in part two). there are also some quotes and line sprinkled throughout that are similar to those in the show/book. but most of the dialogue is not from the show/book directly. also this is the first time i've ever written a fanfic using characters rather than real ppl… well minus a spn fanfic i never finished. so, please be kind since it's all fiction anyway. hope you enjoy and lmk what you think :)

prompt: Colin is trying to deal with the fact that he is not only in love with his best friend, but that he is incredibly lost as to who he is as a person. It also doesn't help that he's a monster; a vampire. Pen just wants her freedom, her ability to be Whistledown without anymore people finding out. And in her mind, Debling is the solution to her problem. But one fateful night brings Penelope and Colin together in ways they never imagined.

trigger warning: jealous!colin, protective!colin, AU!vampire, the entire bridgerton family are vampire, colin's friends are dicks lol, formal english (but that's a given), vampire powers, manipulation, ANGSTY AS HELL, idiots to lovers (not until part two), somewhat of a cliff hanger but not really since the next part will be out soon, mentions of blood/blood drinking

word count: 3054

~~~~~~~~~~~

Colin knew deep within himself that going out with Fife and the rest of his so-called friends was a mistake. Mostly because his mind was preoccupied tonight, many thoughts swirling around him; all of which pertained to a certain red head he had known since childhood. The mistake was thinking that he could relax while being around these exhausting men and their childish ways.

However he really did need some revelry after what he witnessed during the day.

When he walked into the library party and caught Pen with Debling, smiling and laughing at whatever he was saying, his blood boiled. A permanent frown etched into his face and had stayed there the entirety of the day.

"Say, what ails you, Bridgerton? Are you not enjoying your night?"

Colin turned to Stanton, blinking slowly. He took a swig of his drink, shaking his head. "I am well. Please continue with your story."

Stanton smirked, turning back to the table, "On my Grand Tour, I encountered this Greek girl in the Balkans. My bear leader..."

Colin zoned out again, unable to truly listen much longer to the men's stories of different conquests they had over the summer. His mind was still reeling, his thoughts ever consumed by the image of Penelope. Of their shared kiss. Of his constant reoccurring dreams of her and him. 

"She sounds like the young woman who made my time in the French Quarter worth the length of the voyage. Much to offer upstairs, and I do not mean her mind." Lord Wilding motioned with his hands, causing all three men to burst into laughter. Colin sighed, staring at the ground for a moment.

Fife looked up at Colin, "What about you, Bridgerton? You were gone for quite a while. I am sure the girls of summer made your trip quite... fulfilling?"

The gentlemen chortled, and Colin could feel them all eyeing him, waiting for an answer. "I did tell you my story of the contessa, did I not?"

"Yes, but you did not give details." Stanton whined.

Colin half-heartedly smiled, "Well, a gentleman must keep some things to himself."

Wilding pffted, "Oh, come now. I do not see a gentleman amongst us."

"I concur with you there." Colin shook a finger at them. The gentlemen gave him a quizzical look, freezing him for a moment. "Oh, forgive me… But it is tiring, is it not? The necessity imposed on us to remain cavalier about the one thing in life that holds genuine meaning. Do you not find it lonely?"

Colin gazed upon the men, hoping to see agreeing eyes; but instead the table chuckled at his expense. He sat back in his chair, defeated.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain Featherington girl, now would it?" Fife teased, his glazed eyes staring at Colin's face.

"You know, Bridgerton? Congratulations are in order. I heard that apparently Debling plans to propose to her." Stanton raised his glass, "The marriage mart whisperer actually made a match. Cheers."

"May God have mercy on that poor man's soul." Wilding whispered, finishing his drink.

Colin narrowed his eyes, "I beg your pardon?"

"I know you have a fondness for the girl, but I cannot fathom what type of wife she would be. I would never marry a Featherington, but especially Penelope." Wilding remarked, almost disgusted.

"Maybe that's why Debling plans to travel for years." Fife quipped.

"Well, like your lady in the French Quarter, she at least has a lot to offer upstairs." Stanton snickered.

Colin leapt to his feet, his chair slamming to the floor. His hands were clenched tightly at his sides as his anger raged through him. His red eyes shot up, glaring deeply into the gentlemen's souls, captivating them instantly.

"You will never speak about Penelope or the Featheringtons ever again. And if ever asked about them, you will say nothing but the kindest of words." Colin grunted, his gaze shifting from man to man, "If I ever hear you speak badly about her or her family again, I will tear your throat out with my teeth. Your trivial existence will be ended, and the ladies of the Ton will be better for it... Know this as true, but forget I said this."

The gentlemen blinked rapidly, clearing their throats and looking at each other confused. Fife glanced behind Colin, "What happened to your chair?"

Colin smoothed out his vest, calming himself, "Oh, it must have fallen over when I stood up. Goodbye gentlemen, I am growing rather tired of this night."

~~~

Colin had the privilege of being born a vampire; and with that privilege came the ability to manipulate those around him. However, there were only two types of people he couldn't manipulate: other vampires - which really only applied to his family since he knew of no others - and those he was in love with. That applied to all the Bridgerton siblings. It was their own little family quirk, as they so lovingly called it. In a way, it kept everyone in check. Because they knew out of everyone in the Ton, the people they loved couldn't fall victim to their ability.

But luckily for everyone in the Ton, the Bridgertons were a good family. Violet had taught her children to seldom use their ability, and the children all followed suit. Hyacinth and Gregory did occasionally use it on the maids in the house, so that he could get extra sweets or she, the latest issue of Whistledown before bed; but for the most part all of the Bridgerton siblings fell in line with Violet's beliefs. 

While most of the Bridgertons enjoyed being vampires, Colin did not. Maybe it was because he was battling with himself over who he truly was. All this did was make him feel even more like an outsider. He wanted to be normal, to be known and loved for who he is, but how could he? He was a monster.

And now this monster, deeply annoyed by the past couple weeks of events, was on the search for blood.

Colin did not enjoy hunting. In the day, when he couldn't hunt, it was easier to forget what he was. But at night, his cardinal urges always came to the surface. 

Hunting on the poorer side of London wasn't challenging. There was always someone out and about. And Colin only needed a little bit of blood. None of them ever killed; the rule was only take what you need and leave no trace. And they were all excellent at that.

The worst that could happen was being caught by authorities. Or even worse, somehow ending up in Lady Whistledown.

Colin lurked around a corner, waiting impatiently for a passerby. He glanced at the printer shop, the light inside telling him someone was there. He needed to move further away, in case those inside would hear his victim if they were to scream out suddenly.

He casually walked down the cobblestone street, his sense of smell picking up someone near. It was a woman; that he was sure of.

He knew he should have just drank from the prostitutes, the ones he couldn't even bring himself to sleep with tonight. But he didn't like the idea of drinking from them. They oddly had shown him kindness, something he couldn't even acquire from his friends.

A woman rounded the corner. She was young, and her dark black hair was slightly unkempt. Colin rushed over to her, their eyes meeting instantly. The only sound she was able to make was a small gasp.

"Don't be scared, Miss . This will be over quickly. I'm just so...." he swallowed hard, "hungry."

Colin cupped the woman's face, turning her head so her neck was more on display. His fangs grew, his mouth watering at the thought of blood. Her pulse had quicken when he rushed her, her blood now calling his name. He sunk his teeth in, moaning as the liquid poured into his mouth. He closed his eyes, his thoughts shifting slowly back to familiar ones...

Penelope. 

He hated admitting it, but he had wanted to drink from Pen. His dreams not only consisted of touching her in the most inappropriate ways or confessing that their kiss was all he thought about; it was how he longed to bite her neck, taste her salty skin and rich blood. He knew she would be heavenly, but he never allowed himself to ponder on it too long. These were fantasies after all. She would never, ever find out what he was. And he would not damn her to a life like this.

He groaned against the woman's neck, lapping up spilt blood. Penelope was haunting him, even in real life. How was it that he could smell her, even right now? Even with his mouth on a different woman's neck, drinking her life essence, was he able to feel Pen's presence? It's like he could hear her say his name.

Colin glanced up, the printer shop illuminating the archway leading onto the street. A short person stood frozen, watching him. 

He froze too, his eyes focusing on the figure. The woman in his arms slurred incoherently. His eyes connected with her for a split second, telling her to forget what occurred and to go home. He pushed her off down a separate street, his eyes remaining on the silhouette.

He took a whiff of the air, his eyes widening.

The person ran the opposite way, racing back towards a carriage nearby. Colin made it there long before they could, grabbing them by the shoulders and pushing them up against the wall. His hand covered their mouth instantly, staring deep into the blue eyes he was captivated by since childhood.

"Penelope?"

~~~

Penelope had known the Bridgertons were vampires for years. While she might have met Colin first, Eloise had been her closest friend; mostly because it took Pen a while to really strike up the courage to actually talk to Colin. But when Eloise and her were young, outside and playing in her mother's garden, El casually told her what she was. At first, Pen didn't believe her. Who would believe such a thing without proof? El suddenly waltzed up to a butler nearby and told him to start doing a dance for her, and he did. The girls laughed at the sight, and from that moment on, Pen knew.

She never asked questions, but she was curious as to what vampires were really like. El wouldn't confirm anything to her, understandably wanting to keep some things private. And once Lady Whistledown rose to power in the Ton, El was even more hush about vampirism. Pen could tell she was nervous about her family's secret getting out there. But Pen assured her that Whistledown would never write on such a thing, otherwise she would become the laughingstock of Mayfair.

And now with El completely ignoring her because of Whistledown, she hoped that El understood that statement still rang true. While she would write about what everyone was talking about, no one but her knew their real secret. She would never share it, even if her and Eloise were no longer close.

The carriage came to a stop, the footman opening her door swiftly. She stepped out, the newest addition of Whistledown in her hand. She smirked as she read it over, noting how many in the Ton were speaking on her and Debling's possible engagement. While Pen did not enjoy being the center of attention, she did enjoy knowing that the sniveling mamas of the Ton were wrong about her.

Not only was Penelope courted, she was going to get married. That is, assuming she accepted Debling's proposal. Or that he actually planned to ask her mother tomorrow.

A life with Debling seemed... fine, to her. And if that's all she could get, she would take it. She wanted a love filled marriage, that was true; but maybe time would change that. It's possible that Debling one day might love her. Or that she may grow to fully accept what she had.

Part of her hated admitting it, but her feelings for Colin were still there too. But she accepted that reality as a fantasy and nothing more. Somehow, vampires were real, but Colin reciprocating her feelings wasn't. 

God had a very wicked sense of humor.

She walked down the street, turning the corner to the printer shop. When she raised her hand to knock, something caught her eye. She gazed down the street, two figures stood out in the open. It appeared to be a man and a woman. She squinted her eyes, watching them. The man cupped the woman's jaw, burying his face into her neck. Pen blushed at the notion. She had thoughts similar to that of her and Colin. Dreams, even. But to see two people doing something like that, so out in the open, was very scandalous to her. She wanted to look away, but curiosity got the better of her.

The couple swayed into the light unintentionally, and Pen's eyes widened.

The man's mouth was latched onto the woman's neck, and she was limp in his arms. It almost appeared like he was biting her. As she took in the man, she noted his dark brown coat. His tall stature and quaffed hair were familiar to her. It almost looked like...

"Colin?" She whispered.

The man looked up, locking eyes with Pen. She gasped, seeing his face for the first time. Dear Lord in Heaven, it was Colin. His mouth was stained red from blood and his fangs were prominent, even from such a distance away.

Her heart raced, and she knew she needed to get out of there, now.

She spun on her heel, running back to the carriage. Before she was able to get remotely close, her body was pushed up against the wall, her mouth covered.

"Penelope?" Colin hissed, his red eyes almost glowing in the dark.

She studied his face, taking in the features she had yet to see of him. His eyes were the most surprising, but his fangs were shocking up close.

"I am going to remove my hand. Please don't scream." He moved his hand slowly, her face feeling hot from his skin touching hers. "What are you doing out here?"

"I could ask you the same question, Colin." Pen argued.

"It is none of your concern, Pen. Whatever you saw..." Colin fought to speak, "was not what it looks like."

Pen suddenly became aware of the Whistledown papers in her hand, "Well, if that's the case, then I should be heading back home."

"You didn't answer my question. Why are you-" He began.

She cut him off, trying to sidestep him. "Colin, I need to-"

"What is that in your hand?" He questioned, pointing down.

Her blood ran cold. "W-What?"

Colin grabbed the papers from Pen's hands before she could stop him, her heart dropping instantly.

He gazed at the papers, reading over the words hastily. She backed up, her body hitting the wall. His stare hardened, eyes watering. "You're... Whistledown."

The hurt in his eyes, his voice, made Pen instantly tear up, "Colin, please I can-"

Colin backed away from her, "I cannot believe this. How could you?"

Pen wiped away her tears, "I am terribly sorry, Colin. Please let me expl-" 

"No, no. I do not want your explanation. What is there to explain? Clearly you are the one who has been writing such horrid things about my family. I cannot believe you would do this to us. To El." He choked out, "To me."

She begged, "Colin, let me explain myself."

"On top of being Whistledown, you come out here in the middle of the night to do your dealings. Unchaperoned, and presumably with no one knowing where you are. You could seriously get hurt! Not only could you ruin your reputation, but you could be harmed. How can you be so careless, Penelope?" He furrowed his brow, his eyes boring into hers.

Pen hated being talked down to. Who was Colin to act so scared for her safety, or her reputation for that matter? He was a vampire, for God's sake. She spat, "The only thing out here that seems to be harmful is you, Colin."

She knew she made a grave mistake. Damn her mouth.

Colin's eyes glowered at her, his body tensing. "What did you say?"

"I-I," Pen took a moment, gathering the courage to speak. "I saw you, Mr. Bridgerton. You weren't simply... caressing some random woman on the street. You were feeding on her. You're a vamp-"

He glared into her soul, demanding, "You are going to forget we had this conversation. You are going to forget what you saw moments ago. You are going to go home. Now."

Pen copied his gaze, shaking her head. "Who are you to tell me what to do? Have you gone mad?"

This was a terrible time to find out that Colin was, in fact, in love with Penelope. He knew he was, but the timing of it all really could not have been worse.

Colin growled, walking up to Pen's carriage door and opening it for her. "Get inside, Penelope. We will talk about this on the way back to your home."

"How can I trust to get in a carriage with you? Are you still hungry?" She sassed, her hands on her hips.

He lowered his gaze, his eyes darkening. "Do not make me force you inside."

Her skin felt hot suddenly, his tone hitting deep within her body. She had never seen Colin like this, and she wasn't sure what to make of it.

Her mind was cautious, nervous. But her body... felt something else entirely.

She sighed, stepping inside her carriage with the help of Colin. He followed her in, sitting across from her. He called out to the footman to go to the Featherington residence.

"Take the long way, please." Colin sat back against the seat, staring at Pen.

"Make a stop at the Bridgerton's house first... please." She called out. The footmen acknowledged their commands, and Colin rolled his eyes at her petty attempt of control. She squirmed under his gaze, unable to make eye contact with him.

He asked bitingly. "Should you start or should I?"

|| Part 2 >>

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

Some betrothed/royalty au doodles, ft. Reader soothing Eclipse during one of his stressed-to-the-point-of-breaking-down-moments, and the first time Reader met Sun (and, not realizing who he was or that he was a royal, decided to start happily chatting with him as if they were on the same level, which caught Sun off guard lmao)

Some betrothed/royalty AU tidbits n info below the cut!

- Reader is a footman! Or,, lady in waiting. Or foot,,person,,, in waiting. Whatever the gender neutral version is, they’re that to Eclipse!

- They’ve known Eclipse for a long time! They were born to a servant who worked in his castle, and tended to follow their mother around as she worked- occasionally crossing paths with Eclipse, and sometimes playing games with him when he was avoiding his tutoring or responsibilities sjdhdjd

- They’re smart and practical, and Eclipse wants to make them his advisor as soon as he has the jurisdiction to do so. They’re very good at seeing the issues politicians debate over from the outside view, one of the people, but also can keep in mind what the political side to an issues is, and Eclipse often asks them what they think when they’re alone and considers it very unfair that their voice would never be taken seriously if brought up at the table.

- Eclipse has had a crush on them for a while lmao

- Also he’s over protective and jealous and has broken at least one(1) bone in defending reader from a rude servant or pushy royal lol :3

- (he has extensively researched ways he could possibly marry Reader without making the entire kingdom hate them n call them a manipulative vex for it)

- Sun and Moon overlook two neighboring kingdoms and have been ‘betrothed’/co-ruling them for a long time! Eclipse’s counsel has decided it would be a good idea to have Eclipse, when he takes charge of his kingdom, be the third to this ally-ship and make a trifecta of three countries that can act as one

- So they’re not really BETROTHED betrothed, but the social implication is basically the same lmao

- (none of them r super thrilled, Eclipse especially lmaoooo)

- Reader first meets Sun separately from Moon, and assumes he’s just a fellow servinghand at the banquet being held to celebrate Eclipse n Sun n Moon meeting under the same roof for the first time

- They start chatting with him like it’s no big deal and he’s so used to ppl being all kiss-ass or backhanded that he can’t stop thinkin abt it for days

- They meet Moon in the garden! They show him their favorite spots and a small patch of blue violets they’ve been trying to cultivate

- When they realize who Sun and Moon are, they just about die on the spot from pure societal horror

- They try to apologize in a thousand different ways, but Sun n Moon, more than a little intrigued/smitten with them, both won’t have it and encourage them to be just as they were

- Before Sun n Moon realize they have feelings for Reader, they realize ECLIPSE has feelings for Reader, and, definitely not bc they r big jealous and also in love with Reader, make it their personal mission to cockblock make sure Eclipse never has the chance to confess or have an almost-kiss with Reader

- Reader loves Eclipse! When that love turned romantic is unsure, and how they’ve been able to cope is by Not Acknowledging The Feelings At All and also denial lmao. When they start to crush on Sun n Moon, they can’t rlly deny the feelings anymore and have several existential and romantic themed crises over it

- None of the boys tell each other about their feelings for Reader bc they all just messy like that <3

- When they all end up confessing to Reader, it’s separately and secretly, and Reader is so shocked that they just say “HHUH UM YYEA I LIKE U ALSO” without thinking

- So now they have three secret royalty bfs and have several more existential crises about whether this is cheating and how in the good golly fuck they got THIS many sweet mans all 🥺👉👈 over them

THATS ALL I GOT FOR NOW LOL OK BYE SORRY FOR LENGTH N RAMBLES

[lwjsbedtime]

I thought about this a while ago, but in an ATLA universe, LWJ would be the only waterbender in a clan full of air nomads. His mother is also a waterbender, which wouldn't usually matter much, as the clans have ways to influence elemental persuasion inside the womb. Except, Mama Lan thought if she had a little waterbender baby, they might let her keep him longer, so she didn't announce her pregnancy until it was much too late to do anything about that without harming the child.

It was still a 50/50 chance LWJ would harmonise with air anyway, but (much like his mother), he's much too disobedient to make LQR's life that easy. And so, several months later, the Lan clan found themselves in possession of a small, screaming, water blessed child.

Unfortunately, they neglect to obtain both waterbending scrolls and tutors, making LWJ's education hellish.

LWJ has to work four times as hard to adapt the water he resonates with to air-based techniques. Due to his clan's strict rules regarding discipline, he has been denied a non-Lan tutor, though his uncle does give him an allowance for purchasing any relevant educational text he may find (not many, in Gusu, the largest state of the air kingdom).

Rather than be dissuaded, however, he counts himself lucky to at least have one point of reference for how he might control his powers. As a child, his mother taught him some small tricks to entertain himself with whenever he missed her company - petty acts of water manipulation meant only to excite, or catch the eyes of anyone close enough to see. But whenever LWJ actually tried them outside of her home, he was scolded for mischief, until he stopped playing altogether. He waited eagerly for the days he could see his mother in person, when they would practise their bending together. Little LWJ loved his mama so much. 🥺

Sadly, when he turns six, Mama Lan dies, and with it LWJ's last connection to his waterbending roots. He almost loses hope of ever living up to her wish for him - to become a bending master, so he may have the strength to freely choose his own path in life.

Unwilling to spurn his mother's efforts to teach him, he pushes himself harder to utilise airbending techniques - and to some surprise, he excels. By his sixteenth year, LWJ is well known throughout the land as one of the most accomplished young masters the current generation has to offer. However, he is also unsociable and - not counting his brother, the pheasants he keeps birdseed out in his garden for, and an assortment of illegal rabbits - friendless.

So ofc, when WWX arrives at CR and takes an interest in LWJ, Lan Xichen is more than willing to push them together. WWX (not surprisingly, for a Jiang) is also a waterbender. He could help LWJ open up more; let him feel like he really belongs in this world - that he isn't just a defective airbender, like XC knows he fears. Maybe Wei-gongzi will even teach his brother some of the Jiang clan's more basic techniques! LXC is thrilled.

...WWX is mainly super impressed that LWJ can fly by manipulating water in the clouds. So cool! No other waterbender can do that. He begs for his - clearly superior, gifted, handsome - gege to teach him his tricks. LWJ misinterprets this as showing WWX how to make spinny balls of water, and little arching fountains like his mother taught him.

LWJ has never been readier to demonstrate something in his entire life, so ofc, he has to call WWX ridiculous and huff about it a bit first - he cannot come off too eager. That would be weird.

Anyway, LWJ eventually shows WWX his tricks:

(Like this, but with better posture, and a straighter expression.)

WWX is...still impressed, somehow? He copies LWJ's technique, turning it into a raging offensive attack capable of wiping out many enemies at once.

LWJ does not find that attractive, at all. ...Still.

The boys spend the rest of the afternoon attempting to turn children's games into dangerous weapons, and end up returning from the back hills utterly drenched in water. LXC is a little concerned, but mainly happy his brother seems so content to play with his new friend. LQR is less pleased, but with a little careful redirecting from his eldest nephew, LWJ never has to know by just how much.

Going forward, WWX and LWJ continue to meet after class to spar, drawing the curiosity of the other disciples, and starting all sorts of strange rumours, such as WWX using bloodbending to manipulate Lan er gongzi to his will, and LWJ taking WWX away from CR main to punish him sadistically.

When he hears the rumours, WWX laughs.

Wwx: Jokes on them! LZ and I go out there to get each other wet!

Nhs: ...

Jc: ...

Wwx: What? 🤨

The next day, significantly more rumours have popped up, about WWX taking poor, innocent Lan er gongzi into the back hills to corrupt him. Most of them still involve bloodbending and sadism to some extent. LWJ and WWX - painfully oblivious - go about their usual routine together without change. (It should be said, this is only because the disciples are too afraid to gossip around LWJ, leaving him constantly out of the loop, whereas WWX all but confirmed the rumours early on.)

Disciple: Hey, do you really get LWJ wet everyday? I didn't think that was possible with a man.

WWX (obnoxiously proud): Well, someone has to do it. He's way too stuffy to get himself messy.

Disciple: ...

Entire class: ...

LQR: ...😨

Thus begins LQR's master plan to get that devil WWX away from his precious nephew's remaining virtue. Unfortunately, the beating he gives them both for staying out dilly-dallying after curfew only ends with the pair splashing each other in the cold spring, nude.

He next tries sending them off in a group to deal with water ghouls in Caiyi - in order to focus their attention on something other than being promiscuous - and the pair come back with WWX hanging all over LWJ's shoulders! Apparently, they worked in tandem to raise a waterbourne abyss out of the lake, encased in a swirling torrent of water. While that is an impressive feat - no doubt possible only due to LWJ's familiarity with airbending - it most certainly does not excuse the way that Wei brat is pressing up against his WJ's side.

And why is WJ blushing about it! Teenagers are truly going to be the death of him, LQR swears it.

But it gets worse.

Nearing mid summer, the pair of boys seem to actually realise that since they both like each other, they can act on it (LWJ may or may not have finally heard the rumours about WY sullying him). This leads to a series of increasingly strange waterbending peacocking on WWX's part, reciprocated - to everyone's surprise, despite the raunchy hearsay - by LWJ. Their courting rituals only grow harder and harder to bear the more confident they become in the other's affection. NHS swears he caught WWX kissing up LWJ's arm in the library pavilion once, and LWJ actually giggled when he reached his elbow.

...LXC is still ecstatic. You can't bring him down with excessively sweet romancing; not when WJ finally looks happy for once. He jumps the gun a little by sending a betrothal request to YMJ, but thankfully it's well received on both ends - even if WWX's face did go a startling crimson colour when the match was announced, and WJ appeared for a moment to stop breathing.

LQR is at his wits end. XC betrayed him! Now that marriage is on the horizon, those brats have grown even more bold, if possible. Yesterday, he heard his nephew spouting poetry about WWX being the 'boisterous river' leading to his 'calm pond'. What nonsense! Don't even get him started on what he hears at night! When he and the rest of CR is trying to sleep! If he wasn't so embarrassed about it, he'd definitely confront those hooligans and have them spayed!

...LXC is still ecstatic, and that's why he pointedly drops off a bundle of silencing talismans at his brother's home the day after WWX moves in (unofficially. Officially, he knows nothing, saw no nude bottoms, and has nothing else to say on the matter, thank you very much).

A few years later, after marrying and travelling for a while, Wangxian adopt a young firebender toddler, whom they name A-Yuan. When it comes time for A-Yuan to learn to control his element, LWJ splurges on the very best of Wen tutors. He knows from experience, the child will learn better from someone of his own element, as he did with his mama. Fond memories rest in his heart as he sends his baby boy off to his first day of classes, a proud husband sniffling at his side.

All is peaceful and happy.

The end.

----

The past, probably:

QHJ, minding his business, meditating: 😑

Mama Lan: Hey, cutie!

QHJ: E-excuse me? 😳

Mama Lan: Watch this!

QHJ: Uhh...

Mama Lan: Bloodbended the fuck outta your Elder Mu, by the way. Want to help me escape? 😉💋

QHJ: I've never felt more concerned, nor more aroused in my life. Please, marry me. 🥺

Mama Lan: Okay?

----

Edit: I'll probs mention this again in another post so it doesn't get buried, but I've updated my fic masterpost to hopefully be more informative/easy to navigate. Fics are now labelled based on whether they're Bottomji/Bottomxian, and additionally, there are new notes regarding things I thought worth mentioning re:this blog/tropes/content warnings ✌️🌸