#also. i'm not trying to play into any stereotypes here. i'm joking in the post but it's genuinely the *point* of the act that it looks like

[eveningdawn222]

the little details i sprinkle into writing jason from an outside point of view are so fun like. yes damian you would interpret what jason is doing as antagonizing >:) why wouldn't you? he's drawing all the attention towards himself and escalating the situation. there's obviously no other reason he could be doing this.

[pearsandrust]

i never post about genshin on here because i quit for good last year but i do kind of miss the sumeru cast so here's some quick surface-level analysis to cope with the hole in my heart. i am not editing this at all so it will likely be totally incoherent, but here goes:

language & wisdom

sumeru's character lore plays on the concept of "communication", which fits in well with the academic focus of the nation. each character represents a different form of communication: notably, kaveh communicates through art, nilou through body language, and dehya through fighting. we also get interesting tidbits about communication in candace and cyno's stories -- candace makes the conscious decision to negotiate through talks rather than violence, and cyno notes that he makes jokes to make people feel more at ease. in both cases, the characters break tradition and/or stereotypes about them through the use of language.

to add to this, i consider alhaitham the "emblem" character of sumeru (despite cyno being in the travail trailer) because. well. linguistics major. he's accordingly well-versed in manipulations of language -- for example, being sarcastic simply because he finds it interesting.

but interestingly enough, nahida seems to imply that alhaitham is not truly wise, which we can see from how nahida uses language compared to him. while alhaitham speaks pretty bluntly and tends to not use many figurative devices (at least as far as i remember), nahida is full of odd metaphors. her speech almost has a poetic vibe; this both demonstrates a higher degree of "freedom" with language and shows that nahida's idea of wisdom is more closely associated with art than alhaitham might think. she corroborates this by saying that of the sumeru cast, kaveh is actually the person she believes to be closest to her idea of true wisdom.

while i don't think the writers got this across very well, the events of the story are supposed to take each character beyond their original communicative style. for example, alhaitham has to confront cyno in a fight, deceive the sages through acting (body language, like nilou), and briefly Do Politics as acting grand sage. pretty interesting, but i'm unfortunately not sure if it led to any meaningful development in the end.

the importance of memory

this point is going to be a lot less coherent, but basically: the dendro archon being the avatar of irminsul creates an inherent link between memories and wisdom, which we see in the characters as well.

coming back to the point of kaveh being closest to nahida's ideal of wisdom -- kaveh is a character who is firmly influenced by his own past. a lot of his actions are motivated by the guilt he feels. he also understands the importance of making memories; one of his hangout event endings has the caption "the positive feelings you gain will get you through the long and difficult years". on top of that, he has two hangout endings where he emphasizes that his present suffering is nothing compared to the legacy he hopes to leave behind -- another form of preservation through memory.

with this in mind, the reason that scaramouche cannot become a god of wisdom is not because he lacks power -- it is because he cannot come to terms with his past. nahida even says that although he may have the abilities of a god now, he still has the mind of a mortal. and that is because he is always trying run, always trying to leave behind the last thing that hurt him. if wisdom is fundamentally tied to memory, then those who choose to bury their pasts entirely cannot be truly wise.

there's a lot more to talk about -- mind control, childhood, dreams, that time-stop place under the desert, etc. sumeru is very far from perfect (cOUGH hyv stealing pieces of existing cultures and then refusing to acknowledge the rest of them COUGH), but the story had such great potential. potential that might have been ultimately wasted, but hey, that's what fanworks are for, right?

[miloway]

Life update: I have been REALLY GOING THROUGH IT GODDAMN 😭

1. Saw Taemin in concert, that was dope

2. Bsf got a promise ring from her bf which now means my stereotypical first lesbian situationship with best friend is finally over 🥳 the tension that was once there for YEARS is now gone and I feel light but...

3. So it started 2 weeks ago, I had been interacting with my twt oomfs and realised 3 of them have a similar name, so ofc for funsies I made a list with just the 3 of them and put notifications on for all 3 just cuz I liked interacting with them, no biggie! Right?

Well... then they started flirting with eachother under each other's posts and replies which I could see all of and I also joined in, cuz flirting is fun. Then the flirting started getting serious and shit... And I'm like damn, I'm starting to feel a bit left out 😢 THEN in the middle of the taemin concert on Tuesday during a short break I saw the notification...

One of them claimed the other 2 as their wife and husband and I'm like oooh so i can't tell if they're joking or if they're legit in a relationship... Hahaaaa let me leave a joking comment asking them not to forget me (which they answer to saying they won't)

Then in the following days their notifs started harassing me... The flirting, so much flirting, and that point I realised oh shit I really like all 3 even if it's just platonic and not romantic, I just wanna be a part of their polycule 😭

Then they start to post screenshots from a group chat and a discord server with just the 3 of them, so at this point I'm feeling alienated and I don't even have the guts to flirt with any of them anymore. And I kinda lose my shit on my priv account (I am very dramatic) I even post something about being depressed on my main and one of them responds comforting me 😭😭😭 and I'm like goddamn you don't even know this play is about you 💔

The flirting continues and slowly I start seeing more "I love you"s in the notifs and I'm like, Oh. They're actually in a relationship aren't they, well shit. Now I feel like I'm butting in where I don't belong but I still like all of them and still want to interact with them so I keep their notifications on.

Then I stupidly make the mistake of mentioning on main that I have a priv and one of them replies asking to become moots on each other's privs... Well ofc I accept, but not before deleting every single twt I made about them, then another one makes a priv and I'm like sure fuck it, I'll add them to my priv too, so now I can't vent on my priv without outright saying what I'm talking about (I have to be vague and shit) so I'm venting here instead :D

Now I'm getting to the point where idk how much more of this I can take, I'll be waiting until the end of this week to decide if I turn off their notifs or not 😭

This keeps reminding me of situations that I've ended up in with my bsf like... Sighhh I wanna vent about it but I don't wanna air out her business so now I feel a bit stuck (I should write some songs) anyways there are many similarities to situations I've been in the past 🥲

I always end up stuck as an outsider trying to get in to another's relationship, or atleast it's feels like it, it never happens but I just crave to be apart of it but ik thats impossible for me. I just can't help but think I'll never be good enough for that and I'm never worth being someone's priority, so I stick to the sidelines, just watching as my heart cracks every time I witness a scene. Why can't I be a part of that, why can't I love right, why do I know that if it actually happens, I'll hurt the other with the only way that I'm able to love.

Fuck.

[pessimisticpigeonsworld]

If HBO favors the Greens over the Blacks (probably because the Blacks are Dany's direct ancestors), I kinda fear a Dunk and Egg show playing favorites with Aerion over Egg for the same reasons. Also wouldn't be surprised if every female character in Dunk and Egg gets turned into a passive, sobbing knock-off Sansa like Alicent is in HOTD (at least book Alicent is more interesting, even though I find both versions of the character to be pretty vile people).

I'm hoping that if HBO does choose to do a Dunk and Egg show, they'll have better show runners than Condal and Hess, but I'm not holding my breath. If they choose to follow the HOTD model, here's how I think it'd go:

Maekar actually married his wife, Dyana Dayne, when she was fifteen, while he was thirty-two (don't think about the timeline, just watch the fun marital rape scenes!). Dyana is actually a repressed lesbian who's in love with her handmaid. Maekar doesn't care about any of his children, instead he's obsessed with medieval legos!

Daeron's visions make him be completely unable to have conversations with people, he just whispers ominously in a corner. Aerion isn't actually a sadistic asshole who tormented his little brother by the way. No, he's just sooo misunderstood and no one bothered to teach him that killing animals and threatening to mutilate his brother is wrong! Aemon is completely devoted to the Faith and hates his heathen family members but he still wants to be a dragon rider for some reason.

Daella wants to be a man, she hates womanhood, motherhood, and femininity! She wants to be a knight, but never actually does anything to try to pursue those dreams, just mentions it once in the first episode. Rhae exists, maybe.

Meanwhile, Aegon, despite being a titular character, doesn't get as much screen time as his more "interesting siblings". No, he's doing things, maybe, meanwhile we get to watch random rape scenes and Aerion jack off a few times. Duncan is far from your stereotypical noble knight, oh no, he's a borderline psychopath when he doesn't get his way, but somehow is still redeemable? He also actually did kidnap Aegon, Daeron didn't smuggle him out, he did this because Daella slept with him but refused to run away with him.

This is a joke post, but I'm truly genuinely scared of how HBO would handle a Dunk and Egg adaptation. Neither HOTD nor GOT are actually good adaptations, they both ignore important plot points and themes. Dunk and Egg would just become a mess of "subverted expectations" and sexist fake feminism.

[1007xf]

With the 4th of August just around the corner, I was thinking about a little something The Tapestry does that I really like and that is its portrayal of how it is to be a weird lonely little nerd.

Warning comically huge rant. I wasn't planning for it to be this long. I do not know what possessed me. It's 2:30 in the morning.

In Homestuck proper, the beta kids are also lonely kids who only really have eachother, however Homestuck's setting kind of obscures this fact because Beta Earth, really, truly, feels empty. Unless there is something I'm forgetting (I haven't read actual Homestuck in a while, oops. I should really re-read.) Beta Earth is just normal 2009 Earth. And you can see that if you look at all of the cultural references in it. Earth Beta isn't empty because all of John's shitty movies had to have been produced by someone, because someone had to have been frequenting Bro's weird puppet porn website, because we literally see other human beings talk trough the Internet on Dad's PDA and such (I wonder whatever happened to fedoraFreak haha). Beta Earth isn't objectively empty, of course. Yet it feels like so, because its main cast seems to only superficially exist in it. You could probably assume John, Rose and Dave all went to school (funnily enough I looked it up and April 13th 2009 was a Monday. Damn brats, skipping middle school so they can contribute to the creation of a new Universe.) because that's what kids their age do (Jade doesn't count for obvious reasons). Yet we never really seem to see or hear about all that. These kids only interact with eachother and their guardians (well, the living ones anyway), and so it's hard to see Beta Earth as a planet with a living breathing ~6880 billion humans on it. It's really more of a cardboard cutout of Earth, where the idea of culture and people is there, but none of the moving parts are present.

And so, it really feels like, even though Jade is the only one who is actually secluded, all 4 kids live in isolation, their only window to social interaction being their computers and the Pester Chum client. It feels like John, Rose, Dave and Jade are the only real individuals on Earth, because even their guardians don't feel like much more than placeholders or just vessels for one joke or stereotype. And this makes it seem like the kids are placed in this impossible full yet empty world, which is not something any of us are living in (I hope so!).

Most lonely people aren't alone . You can't say Homestuck's portrayal of loneliness, especially at that young pre-teen to teen age is accurate because it literally feels like the cast is alone (sans Jade bla bla I said this already) and so of course they'd be lonely. In any case, it portrays being lonely (take a shot everytime I write this word. Or don't! It depends on how suicidal you're feeling at this particular moment) all the same, just in a different (and less likely) way.

And with that bigger than I expected speil about Homestuck out of the way, let's get to the actual post. It has been said already the The Tapestry is an amazing MSPFA on so many fronts, but I'll say it again, just because it deserves it. The Tapestry is great, go read it if you haven't.

The main cast of the comic (sadly not counting Sedranovel, Limeweld and Expanaiver. I know they're technically also protagonists but they just.... don't really fit the idea I'm trying to portray here. Sorry!) is also 4 youths who play a God Damn Game. They're aliens too, but they're "like a human but..." type of alien, so their world is not all that different form ours. And a thing you'll notice right away as you start reading the comic is the emphasis that is placed on the worldbuilding, from the grand aspects like the the Solar System on the alien world and its geographical and political structure to the minute aspects like a mecha anime or the educational system of just one of many nations. Right of the bat, unlike Beta Earth, Siltsphere is bustling with life, culture, conflict. It helps that we also get to literally see other setyrs, lots of them in fact. It's nice eye candy, since they're usually part of the huge sweeping landscape scenery porn pages, but it's also a stark reminder of what is at stake. All of the supernatural fuckery afoot now affects not only the protagonists but also a planets entire civilization.

And yet, the main cast seems to gravitate towards eachother only. And unlike in Homestuck, we know that they have acquaintances and that they talk to others. Sosav mentions her neighbors, Handa makes friends with the pagan kids at his school, Deime tries (and fails) to connect with his countrymen. They have a form of social lives, each different, but they exist and they acknowledge the existence of a complex world with lots of real individuals. But they're all best friends with eachother. Oenia mentions that she doesn't really have friends outside of the other 3 and I think this is true for all of them.

Each off the 4 main characters is a bit weird and they're all definitely huge nerds. That is to say, they're all very passionate about their interests. And, sadly, intense passion, especially when directed at something not viewed as necessary to society, can sometimes be very alienating. Because most of the time it's hard to find someone who shares the same spark of love for that thing. I think Handa illustrates this problem the best, what with his... I want to say inferiority complex but that sounds kind of mean haha. He definitely loves history and art, and he is good at them too. Excellent, really. And yet, we hardly see him proud of his achievements. Because he thinks that his talents are a waste of time and energy, because they're not "necessary". Because those passions don't prepare you for a "real job". Because the world goes round thanks to the work of scientists, not artists. This is all really relatable to me personally, to a scarily accurate degree. And this sort of thinking is sisyphean, really. Because you'll reach a high where you think you did good, where you look at your art and say "wow, I've gotten better, this genuinely looks good!", but then the little shitty voice at the back of your mind will remind you that drawing won't help you solve cancer or launch rockets or whatever and therefore you're useless to society. And if this thinking sounds dramatic that's because that's how it is. Sosav literally calls Handa out on this, which shines a light on the fact that, since Handa lives in an almost-utopia society, he really shouldn't have to worry about stuff like that. And he shouldn't, but he does, because this line of thinking doesn't make sense anyway!

I wrote all that just for one of the characters! Imagine if sat down to dissect the others too. I could write 3 different posts just about Deime. But I won't because then I'll probably forget what the point of the post actually is. Yeah, there's a point. Remember the point? Jesus.

The point about being a lonely stupid nerdy kid. Like I said before, being super into something can sort of isolate you from your peers, because it's just hard to connect with those you don't have a lot in common with. But that doesn't mean you won't talk. You'll greet eachother, have meaningless conversations about whatever during recess, maybe you'll even hang out outside of school. But, really, there will never be anything there. Because it just feels like your brains are wired differently. Of course, I feel like the parallel to neurodiversity is starting to become obvious here. I'd say more, but I'm not an expert and while I do suspect that I am neurodivergent myself, I was never and probably will never be diagnosed by a professional, so I can't really say I'm in a position to write about this.

That's how you become lonely without being alone. And it's worse, because you'll see the people (or setyrs, I guess) in front of you and they're your age, and they're just like you, and they're going trough the same life experiences, but there just isn't any spark there. The thread to connect to them just isn't long enough.

That's why you need other weirdo nerds in your life. And thank fuck for the Internet. Because otherwise, where would I be ranting into the void about some fancomic to probably one or two people, or maybe just myself? Hah.

The main characters are all into very different things and they're from pretty different environments, yet they seem to click together anyway. And it's because I think when you're a passionate nerd, seeing someone just like you makes you admire them. And they don't have to be way better or more skilled than you, they could be just at your level, yet you feel enamoured by their passion nonetheless and they feel the same for you and that's friendship! Handa admires Sosav for her physics knowledge and Oenia for her art improvement, Deime, despite his bickering with Handa, definitely recognizes his (comically potent) art skills and Oenia is amazed by Deime's "search engine skills". It's all really cute. I love it when in bigger groups of friends you can tell that everyone is friends with everyone and they all have unique relationships with eachother.

That being said, I believe that, miraculously, I may be reaching the end of my... whatever this is. This thought vomit. This is mainly just me writing down whatever came to mind with only a rough idea of what I wanted to say. Is more or less a clusterfuck but I did manage to say some things I had on the brain. High chance there's grammar or spelling mistakes in here I didn't catch on my proofread, so sorry for that. Good night 👋 and read da damn comic.

[eziojensenthe3rd]

Midnight Gaming: Serious Tooning

So last night I played Serious Sam 2 past midnight, checked socials later to find.... nothing notable to report. Welp no news segment today.

So when I did my post on the serious sam games for midnight gaming, I felt a bit bad about how I felt about Serious Sam. I know the games are good when you're facing off against tons of enemies but at times, depending on the difficulty, it can either be slow to build up to that momentum with some difficulty spikes now and then or just downright malicious with enemy spawns. And then theres BFE which is just downright bad. So I decided last night to try and delve a bit more into serious sam and try to lock in to a game in the series that i've felt uneasy going close before: Serious Sam 2, a game that repelled me before because of its cartoony aesthetic.

So I decided to install the game on my steam deck, load it up and had trouble with the graphic settings. Trying to change the resolution ends with me having a black screen and needing to exit the game, I turn off settings like bloom and lens glare because they suck and of course, turn the dialogue and subtitles all off. Yeah similar to Borderlands 3, you can turn off the annoying dialogue which in my previous attempts at SS2 I didnt think to do. As a result I only got maybe halfway through the first world before quitting and never touching it again.

So heres the thing, I may or may not have seen this and forgot about it but apparently in 2021, Serious Sam 2 got an update which added a lot of features, starting a new game will present you with options to change the enemy amounts, allow for combo weapons, sprinting and to enable a radar. This is important because this made playing SS2 a lot more enjoyable this time around. Dual wielding any combination of weapons you want is one of those ideas that make you wonder why they didnt do it more often. Usually its just the pistols that can be dual wield, the vr titles let you do that while SS4 has it locked behind skills. Being able to fire a rocket launcher in one hand with a double barrel in the other for close encounters feels like the most ideal way to play serious sam, combine that with the grenade hotkey which is original to SS2 and you can effectively have three weapons at once.

That radar that was included in the update is also just a nice quality of life, showing enemies on the radar so you dont have to scan the enviroment for them. Wheres that screaming bomber running from? Right there on the radar pal. I actually ended up getting much further into SS2 this time around compared to my previous attempts, got to the asian stereotype planet before I called it for the night and I felt pretty satisfied. Before I said the cartoony vibes didnt vibe well with me but thinking on it, it actually does fit with the chaos of the Serious Sam series, the colourful hordes of enemies exploding in a color of death, what other genre works better than the one thats most associated with slapstick violence. The main issue was that the dialogue and cutscenes were trying to go for a saturday morning vibe with corny jokes that seem more geared towards children, in a game that contains a lot of over the top violence and gore. Speaking of cutscenes, for some reason the cutscenes played in two windows both overlayed with a green and purple hue. Since i've mostly been skipping them, its not that big of a deal.

So yeah, Serious Sam 2, a very unappealing game for its cartoony look, has now become one of my favourite serious sam games thanks to that update. Its kinda sad that the reception to this led to croteam abandoning any notion of doing any similar to it, in favour of the prequels but now I want a game that matches the chaos of 2 but without the corny attempts at humor, maybe aim for something like the saints row series? Infact, The Next Encounter was kinda like that.

All in all, i'm sorry Serious Sam 2, you were a lot better than I gave you credit, all it required was a few qol features and changes to break through the surface to what was great about you. Like a durian fruit, stench like hell but a taste like heaven. And for you reading this, maybe consider giving it a go too.

Croteam please bring The Next Encounter back. Remaster it or put up a port come on.

Thats all for today, thank you all for reading. Feel free to leave some feedback or game suggestions. Anons are currently on.

[sadquickchristmassnowman]

i watched iasip. once again, thank you for the long post. you really sold me on it, and i'm glad you did. i don't have anyone to share my thoughts to, so i thought i'd come back here.

(just for the record, i watched from season 5-16, because i struggle to get into shows if they start off slow. after i write this, i'm going to go back and watch season 1-4)

my first thoughts were, i'm surprised how much of the soundtrack i know. the background music and intro go so hard, don't get me wrong, but i was shocked how much of it i've already heard from youtube videos and stuff.

my seconds thoughts were. woah i hate everyone yet i care for them?? now that is good writing. but also i've never gasped or said "oh no" aloud so much while watching a show. again, good writing.

surprisingly, several of the episodes like, hit me hard and got me genuinely feeling like shit. cough the suburban house episode cough.

i was also surprised at the out right gayness. normally from these types of sitcoms, i've grown to accept the odd gay joke and gay-coded characters. but a canonically gay character that's sexuality is brought up often and isn't just stereotypes ontop of stereotypes? that (sadly) really shocked me.

i also found myself able to predict the way the episodes were gonna go, not for all of them but for quite a few. my brain would just assume the worst, and then it would happen. which, i think added to the atmosphere if anything. the dramatic irony and the dread i would feel as the episode progressed really just hooked me. i knew it was all going to shit, i hated it was all going to shit, but i couldn't stop watching.

overall, a very enjoyable show. i think i might like it a little less when i watch the earlier 4 seasons, because i'm assuming it'll be physically painful to watch. but again, thank you! you've created an iasip fan!

I'm really glad you liked it! thanks for the update bro 👍 (and are you saying you literally watched the entirety of seasons 5-16? if so that was SPEEDY as hell dude that's awesome)

and yep! a lot of the soundtrack, including the title sequence song, are just from an unlicensed free music library online lmfao, so a lot of youtubers and stuff use it when they need music that won't get them demonetized for improper copyrighting etc. this is because they started the show with such a small budget lmao, and they decided to just stick with it. it's a funny bit tbh. here's the pieces they use for score if you were wondering, I listen to them a lot lmfao it's genuinely good music (coming from a music major who listens to instrumental orchestral shit a lot lmao)

and YES it's so awesome how terrible the characters are as people, yet you're still captivated by them and genuinely care about them. that's storytelling baybee!!! some people don't really vibe with that aspect of the show and it puts them off so I’m glad you liked it.

the suburbs episode LMAO that one's a classic. something I had a bit of trouble with at the beginning was being able to separate myself from the characters and just appreciate the comedy and story from an objective standpoint. I just really tend to put myself in the characters' positions or immediately find any way I can to empathize with the scenario. but this show becomes so painful to watch if you try to do that the whole time, so learning to take myself out of the story and just really not take any of it seriously at all has been interesting to say the least. this isn't to say you shouldn't have emotional responses to the show or connect with the characters, not at all, just that I had to learn to really not take the jokes and scenarios seriously. I hope that somewhat made sense

and yes!!! canon gay representation!!! even though rob mcelhenney (guy who plays mac) isn't gay, his mom is gay and he has two gay brothers, so he has been surrounded by the queer community his entire life. he's one of the few straight men who I think are truly qualified to play a gay character, and he does it very respectfully and mindfully, while not compromising the spirit and humor of the show itself. I really respect him for that, and it's one of the things that makes this show really special to me.

(p.s. idk if you've seen mythic quest? that's another one with great gay rep. I think I remember you mentioning you'd seen it but I thought I’d put that in here just in case you haven’t)

you saying that you would predict what was going to happen next because you just thought "what's the worst way this could go," and then it did indeed follow that worst case scenario, made me laugh lmao. I have a similar experience watching. it's exactly like you said: you know it's going to shit, you hate that it's going to shit, but you just can't stop watching regardless.

and, I don't know if you’ve already watched seasons 1-4 by the time I post this, but they're really not bad at all. in fact, seasons 2 and 4 are in my top 6 seasons of the show overall, and the season 4 finale is one of the most iconic episodes in the entire series. I just meant that season 5 is a good place to start because it immediately gets going, it makes sense without too much context, and it's a good way to gauge whether you'd be into the rest of it or not. but that's awesome that you just immediately watched all the way to the present.

anyway! yippee!!! welcome to the club! I’m a pretty new fan too tbh I started watching this august, but I’m really glad I was able to recommend you something that I love, and that you really enjoy as well. lmk what you think of seasons 1-4 or if you ever want to talk more about the show, as you can see I am always down to yap about my favorite sitcoms lmao (sorry about the unnecessarily long response) happy honda days 💯

p.s. here's a picture of the sunny cast at la pride :)

[znarikia]

So, I saw the feature-length advertisement by Mattel called Barbie. I had fun!

I also spent the movie watching it mobilize a bunch of ideas and critiques, recuperated or otherwise, and force them to fight it out like the Kens towards the end of the movie. I sat there, laughing at the fun stuff, wondering what it was trying to say, so now I'm going to ramble about it.

The simple answer is that its thesis is that it's impossible to be perfect, and that you have to make peace with that and your own mortality. You can't predicate your sense of self on others and expect to be anything more than a hollow shell. In the end, everyone becomes Weird Barbie but they're still Kenough.

Which is great and all, but I couldn't stop thinking about that post about how Mattel got ahead of the feminist critiques of Barbie by recuperating them or deflecting them. There's an underlying current of mockery of the idea that the state of Barbie is unfeminist or that toys can even be the site of ideological reproduction. The Barbies believe that feminism has won in Barbieland, and thus in the real world, and the implication is one of comedy. When Sasha levels feminist critiques at Barbie, it's framed as a joke. We'll get Ordinary Barbie, because she'll sell. But also don't project any heavy emotion onto a Barbie, because that'll dissolve the rules of reality.

It's just so... trying to have your cake and eat it too. I don't even know what to think about the patriarchy Ken arc. Barbieland is in metaphorical and literal dialogue with the real world, so metaphors are heavily mixed. Barbieland is, genuinely, a matriarchy, and the movie doesn't know what to do with that. The Kens wither under the matriarchy like a sanitized version of women withering under the patriarchy, so Stereotypical Ken comes back to Barbieland from the real world with patriarchy as a solution. The Barbies are, inexplicably, brought under his spell and brainwashed into giving up power. So we're presented with a backwards world, wherein the men have a legitimate reason to demand liberation and they resort to a real world ideological poison.

Textually, the movie agrees that the patriarchy is bad. It is treated as a threat to the status quo to be reverted. It's an obviously bad thing, played for laughs, but the Kens are still treated with empathy. It's defeated with the apparatus that allowed it to come into being and nearly allowed it to enshrine itself permanently into the fabric of reality. There's no thought given to how it got a foothold in the first place. Or, come to think of it, it can be read that feminist critiques of Barbie instantiated patriarchy into Barbieland by bringing reality into fantasy.

"Yes," the Barbie movie says, "patriarchal capitalism strangulates women with misogyny. Gloss over this, however, with toys. Don't think too hard about the toys, either! You don't want to bring the patriarchy here, do you?"

More succinctly, the Barbie movie says, "Consume our products. It won't fix anything, but it won't hurt anything, either."

I dunno. I could forgive a two hour long advertisement for a doll line if all it really had to say was that perfection is unattainable and unsustainable, that being you is enough, but it had to act like it had something to say about feminism that wouldn't be immediately kneecapped by what it is.

I just. Keep thinking about how the Barbies immediately submitted to patriarchy the moment it was introduced to Barbieland, as though it is something that will naturally crystallize if a mere seed is planted. Pushback was minimal and the Barbies had to be taught to value their freedom again. They're snapped out of patriarchal subservience by hearing truth spoken to power, which is great. And it's also great that it's a real Latina human woman speaking that, and not the Stereotypical Barbie toy. It's just undercut by the everything else.

It's a toy ad. I get that I'm expecting too much from it, but it's trying to say something! The messages are mixed, but they're there. It's trying to say something about patriarchy and feminism, but because it's trapped in a world that operates counter to reality, ie there's a matriarchy instead of a patriarchy, the thing critiqued is placed in both positions of insurgency and dominance. Men are dismissed and marginalized... but so are the women. It operates in spaces of both metaphor and literalism, but can only speak with one mouth. Subtextually, I think the movie settles on a single, concise point.

It's laughable to grapple with Barbie on ideological terms and expect anything to come of it.

[clay-cuttlefish]

Back to this. I got sidetracked jumping around the spreadsheet and adding some random stuff, but hopefully I should hit the first Renee appearances tomorrow. I also have to track down a version of Death in the Family that has the foreword - it's by Tot and mentions Vic, and was mentioned in the letter column for 28, so it should fit somewhere in this chunk of issues on the spreadsheet.

Question #18

Here he is! I love Ollie and Vic's dynamic. They are so fascinating and so annoying.

You know you've fucked up when Ollie's calling you a dumbass.

I like how much breathing room this issue has. They get a lot of space to talk and highlight each other, which is a great foundation for the later GA crossovers.

Of the unsubtle 80s anti-gun GA stuff I've read (which isn't a lot but it's more than 0) this is one of the less interesting bits. At least it's short.

The panel composition on this issue is really well done. Making two guys talking in a truck into a pair of pages that make me pause to take them in is impressive.

#19

Vic choosing to get the doll fixed is a really strong moment.

Overall, the way Augie is treated is surprisingly good? It's definitely played for creepiness at first, but he's just a guy living a surprisingly decent life for Hub City, Vic tries to actually help him and doesn't judge him for being delusional, and he ends up totally fine.

The parallel between Vic's mask and Myra's makeup, and her choice to discard it, is just. Waugh. She's just as dedicated to trying to figure out the right thing as he is, but she's not hiding any of it!

Myra kissing Maurice is still a very weird moment.

Detective Comics - Fables part 1

Spectacularly terrible opening, 0/10.

It's so weird to see the Penguin after this long of a stretch without supervillains. Yeah Talia shows up first but she's way less gimmicky and the page is pretty calm. He's here in full force with the monocle and bird jokes.

Shiva <333

I don't believe for a fucking second that asking Vic is the best way Shiva can think of to find Batman. I really like it, don't get me wrong. Vic's hacker exposition about making a post on the internet is hilarious, calling Batman Pointy-Ears is hilarious, "Matins" is such a Catholicism Moment, it's good stuff. I just think this is way less likely to work than going to Gotham and punching cops until Batman shows up.

Oh my god this is such a stupid villain plot. What do you mean it doesn't affect people with high testosterone. What do you mean Bruce already knows what it is. Why does Ra's have that. Why would that be the effect you choose for this story.

I'm sure this Bruce and Talia plot is better when read in context but it's still some excellent drama. Love them.

...gender?

Green Arrow - Fables part 2

The overarching plot of Fables isn't good, the O-Sensei is a boring Orientalist stereotype, but all of the subplots are very strong examples of why I care about each series. Scrap the whole O-Sensei thing in the first two issues and just have it be Shiva picking fights and finding people to help someone she knows and it'd be better.

Dinahollie <3

I love getting to see Shiva doing her thing. She's so chill, it's fun to see her in her element :)

Dinahshiva <3

Shiva loves to put some weird little freak in a situation and see if it makes them better or worse, and it sucks she doesn't get to do that anymore.

Question - Fables part 3

All of these issues have great looks for Shiva. Style icon.

Hey, Vic's terrible secret identity came back to bite him!

"Van der Waal's equation" isn't complete technobabble - the Van der Waal's force is a decent explanation for a multi-use adhesive, at least by comic book standards, and would explain why the mask never seems "sticky" and why the chemistry on getting it to stay is so finicky.

It's interesting that Vic doesn't even try to get Shiva to not kill people. He might be self-sacrificing, but he's not that dumb.

Oh my god Bruce you are such a dramatic bitch.

I kinda see what they were going for with the O-Sensei here, at least. Still think it'd be better if he wasn't a ridiculous legendary fighter.

Drowning motif! Shiva's perspective is so interesting - she's able to do anything she puts the effort into, and she expects that to be true of everyone else.

#20

The cover layout is unique this issue, which is a neat touch.

I always like that characters get to say stuff that's sort of dumb. Vic no-selling Myra's joke about boomerang rocks is a nice reminder that they do really like and feel comfortable around each other, even when things are rough.

Honestly not a ton to say about this issue. It makes its point well, I like it.

In the letter pages: the return of Hair Discourse.

#21

This plotline's back!

He just like me fr (misreading signals on a date, resisting the urge to deck his high school classmates)

Seriously though, it's nice to get a look into Vic's very normal problems. Not everything wrong with him is related to being the Question.

This is one of my favourite single issues. I can't quite put words on why - everything about it just works, and there's nothing about it that I want to pick at.

#22

Election Day is the best arc in the run.

The opening spread is full of excellent expressions - Wesley's really lean into the more distorted and exaggerated end of Cowan's art, while Myra's are all subtle, exhausted frustration. I appreciate that she's consistently drawn with sunken cheeks and eye bags.

Maurice getting to be serious is a strong moment. He's been a good source of banter for Myra before this, so having him get invested and take the consequences seriously is a good way to ground the stakes, and to give Myra someone who's genuinely on her side without having to rely on Vic.

It's interesting that Shiva pays close enough attention to what Vic's up to on a regular basis that she'd know who to send. Even when she's not around, she still gets to drive the story.

#23

This issue got me the first time I read it. The history flashback is a weird choice, but it sets the tone perfectly, and the time constantly being shown is a throwback to the first issue that makes it feel super tense. So much of the series has long time skips, waiting to heal or get phone calls or for anything to happen, but now every minute counts. The news reports punctuating it work so well.

Vic dropping everything when he reads Tot's name is so...

Myra goes off, and she damn well deserves it. The difference in how her expressions feel between this and the opening of #22 is a testament to Cowan's work.

The quoting of a line from five pages ago is maybe a little unnecessary. These panels would stand perfectly well on their own.

#24

It's hard to make a deus ex machina feel "earned", but if anything does, it's this.

Kind of a dumb thing but who tells this story with a beaver? I'm not losing it, right, it's the Scorpion and the Frog?

The historical flashback turning out in Myra's favor is a fantastic bit of subversion. When I first read this, I was certain that Wesley was going to shoot Myra during the blackout, and Dinsmore dying and Myra talking about how bad winning felt made me lower my guard and think he might kill himself publicly instead. Funny how that works.

I didn't catch what he meant until the next issue on my first read (in my defence, I'm not American) but wow Wesley's not subtle about his assassination plans to anyone. I mean, I caught that much, but he's really not subtle.

Myra and Vic's relationship makes me want to explode. I just want them to be happy together! Aaaaa!

#25

Everything happens so much. The pace just does not let up.

Vic falls into bad habits, again, but he does a better job staying focused and not letting the anger take over - it's good development.

Wesley's death is everything the shitty racist cop issue fails to be. He's a sad, awful little man with a broken moral compass and a lot of enablers, and he dies refusing to recognize it.

The letters column: a woman wrote in a while back about how male comic fans are creeps and Vic still has some personal growth to do when it comes to being less sexist, and some men are being freaks about it. These fuckers haven't changed in thirty years.

#26

If I ignore the part of my brain that hates this as a Riddler story and pretend he's an OC, it's a fine breather issue. Unfortunately I am bad at doing that.

Some very caricature-y guest art this issue. It's a neat look in some panels, and sometimes it's more subtle, but a lot of it is scrungled enough that I can't take what's happening seriously.

this is Vic and Tot in the car, to me

Love that Tot takes stopping Vic from self-destructing into his own hands, and that Vic bitches but doesn't do anything stupid to try and stop him.

The idea of Vic chewing out the Riddler with more difficult questions is an interesting idea, but I don't love the effect of him monologuing about a bunch of pretty standard ~deep~ questions and well known koans, and the Riddler just going "yeah i'm afraid of those" is dumb.

I dunno - it feels like a bit of a waste for the one time Vic faces an established villain to be so meh. I like Sphinx, at least, and the reappearance of the drowning motif is cool.

#27

The weirdest issue, I think.

I really like all the Vic sections, and I'm not opposed to meta shit, but this is pretty jarring. Tot's weird cousin and his racist magic is not helping the tone of the Ditko callback.

I like that Tot has a weird cousin who was a bad comic artist. He has connections outside of Vic, they're just also weird as hell.

The Ditko callback is great. "You gotta pull me up." "Why?", and then the slow drop before Vic grabs him? Mwah. Perfect. I'm a sucker for this shit. Even when he's falling into bad habits, he's still a better person than he used to be!

#28

Shiva :)

Vic responding to Tot telling him not to lie to himself by suddenly gaining sunglasses kills the mood a bit, but it's also very good. What is wrong with him.

Myra wakes up from a coma, ditches the hospital, and immediately makes a very risky plan. Good for her.

Everyone's in top form this issue, it's great.

[lesbianamalvada]

I only called you a little bitch because you called me a cunt. Those aren't my radfem followers they follow yaoi blog and they're attacking you because ur acting like a caricature of a sexist trans man.

I wasn't laughing at gay men dying of AIDS I was disagreeing with the person I was rbing from I don't think we should ignore gay men even when they ignore us cause they need us more than we need them. My wording was flippant and I agree I could explained that better but whatever.

Yeah I did make fun of men dying from suicide but you say worse about women on your blog and I don't call you an MRA or worse call you slurs. Calling me a nazi after calling people the n word for shits and giggles is rich. Where I'm from Jewish people are considered white but it doesn't matter because you are still not black even if u were black that was disrespectful.

"The fact you’re lesbian isn’t anything to do with it but play that victim card kek." You said I want clout from "ugly dyke TERFs" even if it wasn't directed at me that is still very homophobic.

"but there is a reason man hating lesbian exists as a stereotype because y’all feed into it and claim it to be ironic but then get your knickers in a twist when the same ironic sexism is done back."

This is literally what you did because I never said one thing about your ironic sexism and when you made ur first comment I was unfazed but you took it to 100. But also you can't pretend like misandry and misogyny are exactly the because men are not oppressed for being men.

"I’m not saying you are in full agreement with TERFs/radfems but you’re definitely sitting at the same table as them."

anyone who talks about feminism gets called a TERF on here I (used to) associate with you but I'm not a transmed give me an effing break. If you genuinely were concerned about my posts just unfollow or tell me but you didn't do that you already decided I was a "bad" woman or that I was associated with the wrong people so I deserve to be called every slur in the book.

"I’m just better at being edgy, I guess?" Ur better at being a bigot 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

"I’m playing, mirroring the same energy y’all give out. I just don’t bother trying to do the common toxic female thing where women try to be nasty without being so crass. I just say it outright cause I’m too lazy to bother"

what a strange way to say you think I deserved to be subjected to homophobia and racism today because of some too edgy jokes while admitting ur just as edgy in the same breath.

"I don’t feel emotions much. I just type how I talk in real life." so happy to know you'll be screaming the n word IRL too.

Look I'm sorry if some of my posts hurt you as a trans person or a gay men I'm not perfect and I fuck up sometimes but I know I have never posted anything as bad as what you've been saying today. I honestly expected better from you but I guess that just goes to show people can be shitty with any identities.

my misandry is upsetting my fans

[rainbowsky]

I was just aimlessly scrolling through tumblr and came across a post saying " XZ is straight but WY is not* . This assumption was made because apparently: gay ppl know these things. So does that mean I'm now straight because I believe they're both part of the community in some way? 😃. Also if you're assuming WY is gay based on his words, then by that logic Xz past actions put him in close proximity to that.

We all assume based on perception, however to outright dismiss the possibilities on either side just seems absurd to me.

Hi Anon,

I apologize in advance for what's going to be a bit of an annoyed rant about 'gaydar'.

Fake, fan fiction, CPN.

Both of them are obviously 'not straight', because they're in a relationship. Beyond that it's anyone's guess. I personally don't see any evidence of DD being into women. I talked about that in various previous posts, starting here. I think GG is likely bi, given their banter in the BTS.

The Tumblr post might have been referring to an exchange GG had with a gay acquaintance on Weibo where the guy said he thought GG was straight. Just so everyone knows: Gay people do not have 'special magic powers' to read each other's minds, which is what a lot of straight people seem to think (and even some gays).

This is especially true when someone is in the closet and actively trying to hide their sexuality. Men who attract hordes of women like GG does are doubly able to fly under the radar. There is a reason why gay people often do a lot of hand-wringing over whether the person they're attracted to 'plays for their team'.

And let's not forget the whole aspect of bi erasure that GG's friend might have been engaging in, whether or not he intended to.

I want everyone to please understand, because I get a lot of asks about gaydar:

GAYDAR IS A MYTH

And before anyone sends me a bunch of dubious studies claiming it's 60% accurate, those numbers actually prove that gaydar isn't real.

I actually get pissed off when people talk about gaydar and try to make it out to be some sort of real thing. It's not. All gaydar is for the most part, is garden variety gender role stereotyping being cast into some sort of 'folksy queer intuition' branding to make it seem less offensive. Gender presentation, mannerisms and vocal intonations can't tell us about someone's gender or sexuality.

It might sometimes be fun to joke around about certain stereotypical things as being 'very gay', and for the most part I find that harmless and sometimes make those jokes myself, but 'gaydar' can actually be harmful and misleading.

While most of us joking around about stereotypes understand that a flowy blouse or a tight mesh shirt aren't actually gay, a lot of people treat gaydar as science and genuinely believe it's real. I think we need to be cautious about what we claim, and circumspect about how we use 'gaydar'. It is one of those 'for entertainment purposes only' concepts, and should never be treated as hard evidence of anything.

So a gay person who happens to know GG in college will only know about GG, what GG wants him to know.

GG is even more expressive of queer Pride than DD, so I always find it funny when someone refers to him as straight. Whether gay or bi, he's clearly not straight.

And contrary to what a shocking number of BXG believe, straight guys don't fall in love with men and date/marry them.

(BTW, I'm not saying we should never use the term 'gaydar'. It can be fun, and an easy shorthand in certain contexts. I'm just saying we should always be cautious about how we use the term so that A] we're not hurting others and B] we're not misleading others. It's one of those fun but potentially harmful toys that should be taken away from us when we are irresponsible about how how we play with it.)

[catgirl-catboy]

I know Teruteru is very flawed and not best written character yet he still my favourite and my comfort character and i love writing about him in fanfics. Because I honestly find him so interesting and full of potential as a character, I love me a train wreck of a character. Also his designs is super cute, I love drawing him.

Sadly though as a Teruteru fan, I honestly never felt truly welcome in the dr fandom and i honestly wonder if people hate me just for liking the character. I know he’s problematic but does it give people the right to trust his fans like trash just because they disagree and don’t hate him or try to guilt trips his Teruteru by saying they a bad person/ insert any your homophobic or a being a bad queer for liking a character.

Sorry the rambling I needed to let my problem with dr fandom though-out years being in it and I really think your take on Teruteru is valid and respect your opinion and point of view. I’m just tired of people in the fandom who treated people horribly over a character they don’t like or try to play cop policing what character people can enjoy.

Also, what your feelings on Ryoma? I like him, he my favourite from v3 but it sad that author kinda forgot about him and he falls into the background they even joke about they the cast completely forgot about Ryoma in the trial :(

Yeah, its not a DR exclusive problem, but DR definately has it the worst of every fandom I've ever been in. You cannot touch Haji Towa with a 30 foot pole without people shitting themselves in anger. I mean, I don't like Haji, but I still think its fucking stupid.

The whole point of Danganronpa is that a lot of these characters aren't good people. We had a plot twist in the second game that the entire cast helped the big bad destroy society as we know it and have killed a lot of people.

Because objectively, killing people is a worse crime than being a pervert and/or sexual assaulter if you count dr3, right? The fandom knows that,,, right?

As for liking problematic rep, I'm a Tenko enjoyer (who also hcs her as Bi because I'm uncomfortable headcanoning her as a lesbian due to all the stereotypes she fits into, so literally the entire fandom hates me), so I am sitting in a big ass glass house. You won't see me throwing any stones over it. I wish the writers would improve in future Danganronpa installments, if there will be any, but harassing the fans is absolutely not okay. Sometimes problematic rep can call out to you in ways the best rep we currently have so far doesn't. Thats normal, since the queer experience is super varied!!! Hell, I don't think stereotypical rep is a problem, I just wish there was more variety.

Also you are right, Teruteru's design is objectively one of the best in the series.

I'm sorry you have to deal with the toxicity of the fandom. I wish I could make this fandom calm down for everyone's sake.

As for Ryoma, I made a post on him last night here, and I haven't had any new thoughts on him since then. I do love the iconic little cat man!

[polychaeteworm]

LMAO wow big assumption there. Your blog is a fucking joke. Here's one for the block list guys!

I'm writing the following wall o text for anybody else who comes across this post in the future. You can read if you want, silly fake claimer, but I don't think you'll read all this if you're already making such an assumption. But maybe you will if this is a source of entertainment for you. You really don't actually care about the purity of mental health practice if you run a blog like this. If you tldr me I won't care, I'm an info dumping autistic in addition to being part of a plural system so I'm used to it. I also bet I'm older than you. I had friends in hs who ran troll blogs when we were all 17,18,19 years old. It's definitely a kid thing.

And you know, how about YOU go to therapy and tell them about how you run an anti DID blog where you seek out and antagonize and bully teenagers with an under researched mental illness seeking community and validation. I'm sure that they will think that's an excellent, healthy way to spend your time (they won't)

Anyway. If you are reading this in some DID tag and share this idiots opinion, this is for you.

I literally rejected my diagnosis at first and had a psychiatrist play back recorded sessions I didn't remember to prove to me that I was losing time.

Hearing myself say things I didn't remember saying was what convinced me. So tbh I honestly have no earthly idea how anyone can think this shit isn't real.

I still spent time after my diagnosis listening to people like the above, trying to ignore it, and if it was just make-believe it wouldn't ruin my life if I dropped my spiritual practice and the disorder that my psych thought it all was related to right? Everything would go back to normal if I stopped talking to "people in my head" right??? Lmao.

You see, at the time to me I was just talking to my "imaginary friends" as a form of spiritual practice. I didn't ever try to call it DID because I wasn't loosing time (I actually was and was too disordered to notice) and I didn't want my spiritual practice pathologized. I left it all alone and ignored it because of people calling DID a fake disorder that teens who want attention play pretend with.

This was when I started having outbursts I couldn't remember unless someone recorded me. This was when I wasn't remembering to feed myself. This was when I was yelling at people one moment and treating them kindly the next without knowing what the fuck was going on. I don't wish this state of mind on my worst enemy. I lost friends over this.

As soon as I accepted my diagnosis and accepted that it didn't have to end its entanglement with my spiritual practice we all got better, we stopped loosing time and we're more organized as a system. Our life stopped falling apart after we accepted plurality so honestly fuck you if you think we persuaded a doctor to give us this diagnosis for fun. It wasn't fun and if someone is having fun with it, then good for them because I want all disordered people of all kinds to find joy in their pain. Fuck you I'm kind.

Fuck the people shitting on people who want answers to why this is happening to them and fuck the people who shit on people(usually teenagers) who are actually finding joy in the fragmented life they have left behind after abuse.

We don't even fit the "Tumblr/TikTok stereotype" of a system. we don't have a TikTok, our body is fucking 31, we've had this condition since this body was first abused at 3, and was diagnosed at 24. We're not poly fragmented, none of us are fictives and we have no carrd or pinned post listing our whole system or even any details besides me, Orn, because it's none of any internet strangers fucking business. This hate blog's posts confirm that not sharing system structure and alter bios was a good choice.

Systems who do all those things I listed above are yes, fucking annoying and tbh these systems are the reason I'm not active in the DID community online, but It's nobody's job but a licensed professional to tell them if they are "faking" or not. Not mine, not yours. Just block annoying immature systems and move on. They'll figure their shit out eventually and faster if nobody decides to bully them over it.

Like, just say you hate mentally ill teenagers with no support system who act "cringe" (mentally ill) on the internet and go. Mental illness isn't pretty, it isn't convenient, and it's usually "cringe" looking because of this.

Like this is already a long rant of a reblog but do I really have to explain that "attention seeking behavior" is not an indication that someone is faking a mental illness, because it can actually be part of a mental illness. It's a trait often displayed by younger people who are neglected and bullied repeatedly. Let's stop continuing that?

Maybe let's stop bullying literal kids on the internet?

Here's your reminder that I'm officially diagnosed with DID and I am pro-endo. If you touch one of my posts and youre anti-endo I'm blocking you.

Without therapy I would have called myself endo, and not everyone can afford therapy, so just think about that for a minute.

As long as someone isn't hurting themselves or others, however they choose to see themselves as a system is their own business.

[marley-manson]

I love all your MASH posts! Do you have any thoughts to share on the varying ways the characters relate to queerness?

Thank you so much <3

You bet I do! I hope what you’re looking for here is a bunch of sexuality and gender related headcanons, because that’s what I’ve got.

None of these are hard and fast when it comes to like, writing fic or whatever, and there’s obviously room for a ton of different interpretations which is cool, but this is kind of like the default lens I watch the show through lol. Also I prioritize the show’s vibe over strict notions of historical accuracy wrt homophobia, but at the same time based on a couple books I’ve read it’s not necessarily historically inaccurate for a military unit to have a bunch of barely closeted people and for no one to really care lol, from what I’ve read it really varied depending on the unit and COs. It got dicier in the 50s as opposed to the early 40s with some official policy changes and the lavender scare, but probably still not impossible, at least according to anecdotal evidence.

Also obviously since this is based on mountains of gay jokes it’s not going to completely fit every moment in every episode, but ykw, the implications are still a lot more consistent than you’d probably expect lol.

So anyway. This got long so it’s under a cut.

Hawkeye:

Bi, has known it for a long time, and is perfectly secure and comfortable with it. I like to think he favours men a little over women, like a kinsey 4.5. No real reason, but it’s my headcanon so there.

Was somewhat into the gay scene back in the states, has had lots of anonymous sex and short term flings and maybe couple longer term male partners.

Carlye knows he's bi though he was probably monogamous while he was with her (I say this because their first scene together reads so strongly to me like he's trying to imply he's with BJ now to save face after learning she's married lmao).

On the slightly effeminate side but doesn't play it up much (I'm differentiating this from the onslaught of combatative jokes, I'm talking mannerisms and speech patterns), though he's happy to lean into queeny stereotypes a little to piss people off. Very nearly canonically a bottom lol, though I can see him occasionally switching, and very nearly canonically into tall, broad guys with a sense of humour, full lips, a nice ass, and a big dick based on the shoe size jokes.

I think his dad knows and is relatively cool about it too. I don't see it causing a lot of drama in his life, I think he's one of the lucky ones, which contributes to his relative lack of fear.

Though that said one headcanon I have is that some kind of close call with nearly getting caught or accused and discharged happened between season 7+8, which is why he tones it down so much in late Mash.

Hm what else... I just posted about this lol but after the war I can see him getting more politically engaged and casually joining the gay communist scene.

Trapper:

Also bi and knows it, more careful and discrete about it (back in the states) what with presumably being from a pretty catholic family and being married. My logic is if the jokes are Hawkeye's bi evidence, then Trapper with almost the same amount and as a totally game participant has the same evidence, but he does have a more conscious of consequences vibe to me.

I’m torn on whether Trapper was somewhat into the gay scene stateside, or if his experience was mainly just anonymous sex while cruising. I could see an argument for the latter being more realistic and plausible, BUT I’m kind of enamoured with the idea of Trapper being just as out, in the old school ‘part of a community’ sense, as Hawkeye. It could even be a fun nod to their original book backstory where they’d coincidentally met once at a football game - except they vaguely recognize each other from the Boston bar scene lol. Maybe they fucked in a bathroom stall once.

Either way I like to think he and Hawkeye started hooking up almost immediately, then became friends, then caught feelings, and Hawkeye was the first guy Trapper ever had romantic feelings for. It doesn't perfectly fit every moment - eg if you take their exchange at the end of George (what secrets do you have in your past?) as a gay reference, which I mean considering the context it's impossible not to, that implies Trapper doesn't officially know, but it ain't about the exacting details, it's about the Vibes.

Henry:

Mildly bi swinger. He's still cheating on his wife and vice versa because they're supposed to only fuck other people as a couple. Maybe doesn't really think of himself as bi bc it’s group sex, at least at first. I'm pretty sure someone was deliberately implying some of this lol, c'mon I saw Dear Dad 3, and he gets some of the most eyebrow raising gay jokes and moments.

(One of my favourite jokes: Henry makes a PA announcement about a meeting at 0700 hours. “Is that AD or BC?” "I don't know, I never could tell with Henry." Note that AC/DC was contemporary slang for bi.)

Also has a crush on Klinger, obviously.

Klinger:

Bi and nonbinary, initially repressed about both. Comes to terms with being bi partway through the show since he's clearly hooking up with Radar by season 4, so. I like to think he had sex with Trapper at some point in season 3 too, and idgaf about Laverne here. Maybe he figures it doesn’t count if it’s with dudes. Comes to terms with his gender much later, post-canon. Would probably consider himself a transvestite, historically speaking.

Like the way he still wears his pink housecoat, complete with a bow sometimes, even after dropping the section 8 attempts? The fur coat too? In one of the most recent episodes I rewatched, in season 10, he had a bra in his footlocker, and in a season 9 episode he had pink heels stashed in one of the file cabinets, uncommented on. Soon Lee wants to see him in a dress. It all fits.

I think after he gets back to the states he opens a dress shop, slowly and organically starts acquiring a discrete trans and drag queen clientele since he's very skilled at altering women's clothes to fit a masculine build, makes some friends, gets invited to some events, and starts fully embracing his femininity.

Margaret:

I kinda like the repressed lesbian take. Her attraction to men always feels so forced and performative, like she's trying so hard to fit a role. I can also see her as bi, but I vote lesbian. I think she fucked women in college, including Lorraine, and has told herself it was just an immature phase since. Also repressed butch. Someday she finally gets that crewcut.

Radar:

Repressed gay or bi with some internalized homophobia, but chills out about it eventually. I mean come on, that scene where he gets offended when changing in front of Hawkeye? His typical noooo stoooop reactions to the gay jokes in general? Klinger was his plausible deniability dude where he could be like 'it's not gay bc i think of him as a girl.' They break it off somewhere in season 5.

Father Mulcahy:

Gay but a catholic priest, so off limits. Knows he's gay but doesn't act on it. Chill with all the gay vibes around the 4077 in accordance with his fairly live and let live attitude, regardless of whether that actually makes much sense for him as a Catholic. Whatever, there’s always exceptions to common rules and maybe he’s one of them.

Frank:

Repressed bi, but not all that repressed. Like he knows it, but denies it in his head in a way that doesn't even convince himself, like reciting a rote platitude. Internalized homophobia up to here. Would absolutely still date a guy if anyone likeable ever expressed genuine interest because he's that desperate for approval and easily malleable.

BJ:

I tend to favour the repressed gay or bi take. I see the reasoning, it makes sense to me, and it’s a fun way to watch the show. It fits what I percieve as his initial awkwardness with Hawkeye’s gay jokes in his first few seasons, including occasional no homo style defensiveness, or bringing up his own masculinity, etc. Also the way he doesn’t seem to notice that Hawkeye is blatantly hitting on him at the airport bar. The gay read in particular fits the way his fixation on his family is explicitly framed as a coping mechanism too.

I really enjoy thinking that BJ knows Hawkeye is into men and specifically into him by like, around season 7/8. Maybe not a sudden realizaton, but a sort of gradual understanding. It adds a certain je ne sais quoi to their late series interactions, and feels oddly appropriate.

I like to think he realizes he’s not straight in whichever way and is in love with Hawkeye about a year or two after going home lol, amid a crumbling marriage. But I don’t endgame ship them, so I think this revelation comes too late, Hawkeye has already moved on, and he goes back to San Francisco and either saves his marriage or finds himself a nice boyfriend.

Charles:

Gay, aware but possibly refuses to act on it due to internalized homophobia and ~respectability~, or if he does, he’s very discrete and careful. On the hunt for a suitable lavender marriage.

Potter:

He’s the token straight to me, sorry.

Random related thoughts:

I think Hawkeye and Trapper and Henry and Klinger fostered the carefree anything goes atmosphere of the 4077 just by being the way they are and being chill.

I like to think there was a gay poker night once a month. Zale accidentally crashed it in Pay Day. Klinger goes even though he doesn't consider himself anything but a straight man at first, but he's always down for a poker game and he points out that he fits in just fine.

Whenever new lgbt people arrive at the 4077 they go to either Hawkeye or Klinger first since they’re so loud, and early on Klinger might point them in Hawkeye’s direction, and Hawkeye tells them where the Seoul + Tokyo bars are and invites them to the poker game.

I think Hawkeye's subplot in Of Moose and Men was coded homophobia. Textually it was the officer being offended that Hawkeye is insubordinate, but come on, "I don't want that man touching me," followed by a sex joke about Hawkeye giving him a sedative in the ass? Followed by dude continually being disturbed by him? They really made "goof off" sound like a slur lol. Rally Round the Flagg Boys also had a milder version of this with communist substituted. Idk if it’s intentional in either case, but the vibes were there.

Margaret found out that Hawkeye’s bi at some point not long after they slept together. I could see him coming out to her during one of their heart to hearts, honestly, maybe even by accident. Maybe it helps her come to terms with her own sexuality too.

By season 4 Hawkeye and Klinger are both aware of each others’ sexualities and sort of bond over being the only 2 somewhat out guys left in the main cast. The way they start hanging out more, for a while Hawkeye’s gay jokes come out more in scenes with Klinger than in scenes with BJ, and just in general their mid-show interactions tend to have that ‘the two out cousins at the family reunion’ solidarity vibe.

I think Hawkeye thinks BJ is straight throughout the whole run of the show, but also knows BJ is sort of using him as a platonic wife replacement. Actually I think Hawkeye encouraged it early on while lowkey trying to seduce him, eventually had to be like ‘damn guess he’s straight after all,’ but by now it’s too late to reverse course and so he’s stuck pining in this weird pseudo romantic friendship.

Aaaand okay I have to stop at some point so I’m sure I have more but let’s call it good.

[flying-elliska]

My experiences with AVPD

I have seen some general, very useful and well researched info posts about AVPD here but very few personal testimonies (...unsurprisingly so). Since any diagnosis covers a spectrum of experiences I think that can be interesting to talk about, to show there are different ways this can impact people and that not everybody is going to fit the textbook criteria to a T - really that there is no "one valid way" that these struggles should look. I have been diagnosed recently, earlier this year, but it was immediately very obvious to me how this had impacted my life deeply. (I have ADHD too so this necessarily colors all of this).

Obligatory disclaimer I am not a mental health professional, etc. Usual warnings for discussions of bad mental head spaces apply.

- Contrary to stereotypes I'm not very shy, in the right social context I can be outgoing, playful, engaging, taking the lead, making jokes, I like being in a crowd, speaking in front of people, being the center of attention, etc. However, the "right social context" is something very elusive and rare - i must be sure of my place and purpose, that everybody likes me and wants me there, know what i am expected to do, that ppl sees me how i want to be seen, i need to be in the right mood and energy...honestly i can count on my hands the number of times this has happened in my life. This is super frustrating because i feel like a whole pan of my personality is locked away from me.

- In most social situations I become very stressed out, even if this is often not visible. I become closed off or I dissociate ; a part of my mind and personality disappear/blank out ; I find it very difficult to know what to say or anything at all. I can come over as very standoffish. In some cases this is so awful I just prefer to leave. In some situations I can power through and then I play the chameleon ; I adapt to other people's behavior and expectations ; I observe and analyze the dominant social norms in a group as if it were a specific subculture and I was a sociologist trying to blend in ; sometimes I create a persona to shield behind ; i can be charming for 3 minutes but I never manage to actually share/bond with people on a deeper level ; when I succeed this makes me feel safer - but in both cases, I find it difficult to be authentic around people, I'm terrified of being judged and disapproved of, being exposed as some sort of horrible person or people using it against me ; it leaves me feeling isolated, alienated, and like I don't fit in anywhere ; like I'm always wearing some sort of mask and there is nothing underneath. This gets less bad when I am around a small number of people I know and trust, but flares up in big groups and unfamiliar situations. It makes most social interactions an exhausting amount of work.

- My inner critic is on fucking steroids ; constantly popping up in my brain with some truly heinous, horrible takes about whatever I'm doing or thinking or who i am as a person. For sheer survival I've had to learn to take it less seriously, like "haha whatever you dramatic bitch" but fucking hell, it's still there, and it's so insidious sometimes, with snap judgments i don't even realize are happening but that send me in a spiral of guilt and shame for the rest of the day. It's also very clever in its cruelty, often masquerading as concern (and yeah that's a direct gift from my mom love it). It turns my developed capacities for psychological analysis against me as a weapon. It's sad bc it's absolutely a very dysfunctional coping/protection mechanism. So nobody can tell me anything more awful than what I already tell myself. If I am my own worst enemy, I am less scared of others wanting to hurt me.

- This is very linked to my perfectionism and wanting to avoid hurt ; I have this deeply rooted unconscious belief that there is something wrong with me and that I need to change who I am as a person so i can be worthy of love/respect. I go through these cycles of having bouts of perfectionist energy where I make plans (very insane and unrealistic) to drastically overhaul my life, try for a few days, predictably fail, and give up, ending up in a swamp of powerless lethargy and feelings of uselessness that drag on for weeks where I am convinced I will always be an utter failure and trying anything is pointless ; then rinse and repeat. I've been on this hamster wheel ever since I was like, 13, which is when I remember making my first "life change program". Which is honestly really fucking sad. I have gotten a little bit more understanding and flexible with myself (my ADHD diagnosis has helped a lot with the idea that there are things that are just not humanly possible to do) but it's still hard to stop these swings from insane, morally weighed pressure to complete despondency. The added complication from ADHD is that because of problems with executive function, perfectionism is often how I try to motivate myself. This does not work very well or at all, but it's like a drug that is very difficult to let go of.

- This all has a lot of very real consequences on my life. I procrastinate enormously - this is already an ADHD problem but this makes the "emotional wall" a lot worse. I find it very hard to finish any project because that would mean exposing myself to judgment and criticism. I have literally started jobs/internships where I put an insane amount of pressure on myself to be perfect, became super nervous and therefore performing less well, had a breakdown at the first little mistake and ended up quitting because I felt too ashamed. Which is like. So fucking stupid in hindsight like the number of opportunities I have wasted in hindsight have me frothing at the mouth. So my academic/professional/financial prospects have taken a big hit from this. I am a huge nerd, I love studying and learning and understanding things for the sheer pleasure of it but - this is also why I am still not done with my masters - I regularly get panic attacks during studying where my brain starts basically eating itself up about not knowing everything and therefore being stupid (bitch what!) to the point where I can't even think anymore ; I am also terrified of expressing my own opinion outside of anonymous internet spaces or circles of trusted friends ; because what if I get it horribly wrong and get outed as stupid/awful/sloppy/lazy etc. All in all, the more important something is for me, the less likely I am to engage in it constructively without sabotaging myself, which makes making my life into something I can love very difficult.

- All of this makes it very hard to maintain any kind of relationships. I'm terrified of intimacy, of hurting people or getting hurt if I open up, of being manipulated and used, of being cruel and selfish, of being too needy, of being too cold and distant, etc. I'm bad at setting boundaries and I too often try to become exactly what I think the other person needs/wants from me, erasing my own personality or opinions in the process ; often I do this without even realizing it. I'm not that bad at making friends but I sabotage a lot of my relationships once they get past a certain level of closeness and age - a lot of my friendships have petered off around the 2 years or so mark, because at some point when I feel like my friends have seen too much of the parts of myself I am ashamed about (especially the part where I am just not getting anywhere with my life) it feels like too much, I close myself off and the thing just eventually dies off. Otherwise I just get into these very codependent, intense, fusional friendships that mirror the relationship I had with my mother, trying to be the savior and perfect confident and ending up in awful spirals or enabling dysfunctional behavior. My romantic history is just...Blegh. As a result of all the stress, negative emotions and hypervigilance (that is very linked to trauma), I often have very low energy and motivation to do the things that are important to me. I find it hard to be spontaneous, playful, affectionate ; to express my emotions at all ; I often come over as cold, remote, judgmental, even mean, when it's rarely what I intend. So like, in the end, I'm very lonely. I like to pretend I'm not because I do like my own company, I have so much to do and I'm rarely bored, but...Still.

For me AVPD is really the result of this confrontation, on one hand, between this hyperdeveloped inner critic and on the other, the avoidant/escapist coping mechanism of that 'inner wounded child' that feels perpetually powerless and persecuted. It's like a pinball, or back and forth from one state to the other, each giving rise to the next one like a perpetual motion machine. (I am learning in schema therapy that that overlaps very well with schema modes and I am actually pretty hopeful that digging into that will help me understand and evolve this dynamic into something more livable - ADHD meaning I don't think I will ever totally escape the 'boom/bust' inspiration and motivation cycles, but there should be a healthy way to go with that flow)

This all sounds really dire but it's of course not all there is to my life. I used to be much worse, but therapy already has helped me a lot with winding down the worst excesses of self hate and depression ; medication has helped me feel more emotionally stable. I know that, even if it doesn't look like it, I have a core that is pretty damn resilient and stoic (too much, maybe). I have developed a lot of compassion, self awareness, understanding of human psychology, and sense of inner humor through all of this. I do have a few very rewarding relationships in my life nowadays. I have come so far in building my sense of self independently from my family and my mother in particular, seeing through all the crap that I was raised to consider normal. I feel so much more lucid and serene these days, so much closer to being myself, and that is just everything.

And - I just fucking love life, man - it's the good side to all that sensitivity ; sometimes I look at the sunset sky or the stars or trees and I feel high on the beauty of the world. I have a lot of imagination, I love creating, learning, reading, writing - I have had to become a philosopher and a poet to survive and I don't regret it one bit. I have plenty of good days - I go for walks at sunset, I write, I study and read some interesting things, I bike around and explore new places, I meet friends for coffee, I go to the museum, I take nice pictures, I go to the thrift store, I have dinner with my housemates, I do yoga or embroidery or drawings, I bake, I pet the cat, I manage to get some work done ...I have made a religion out of living out the little things fully the last few years (stuck in a pandemic, you kind of have to) and yes my life these days feels small and slow and that is frustrating but at the same time ? I am genuinely happy sometimes. Yes, several times a day, or whenever I interact with the outer world, the bad things above flare up, but I am getting better at dealing with them. I truly am on the path of recovery and healing. These issues are a big part of my life but I cannot be reduced to them.

So, if you are dealing with these issues too (and somehow managed to read all of this lmao) I do want to say that there is hope and that no matter how horrible everything feels at times - it's never all there is. You're probably a lot stronger than you think. And - I have been to four therapy groups by now, and an almost constant is that these groups are full of overly worried sweethearts with big anxious eyes who just care too damn much and are very sensitive in a world that doesn't value that (and it's the world that is wrong about that, on the whole). Odds are you are one of them too. And yes maybe - you have ugly sides, you feel scarred and warped by trauma and loneliness and hurt and fear but - I think that is also very much at the core of human experience, you just have less control over when it shows. The exposure is painful but anyone being too nasty about it is probably afraid of their own frailty. You are so human it hurts and there is beauty and grace and knowledge in that ; even at your most pathetic, the sublime is never that far. The things that weigh you down are strengths in the making ; you just need to learn to use them properly. And you have the right not to be strong sometimes too. It will be alright.

[utilitycaster]

Looking for an interesting idea for a divination wizard, and you always have such good concepts! I don't care at all for stereotypes of Wizards, so even alternate explanations on why they're seemingly intelligent would be welcome! Any advice?

So here's the thing: I don't think you want to play a wizard, based on this question, and I'm not sure I can help here.

Wizards aren't "seemingly intelligent"; they are intelligent. That's their casting stat. You can throw away the obsession with towers or having a long white beard and a pointy hat and other tropes like that, but you cannot handwave away the fact that when it comes to book learning, wizards are literally so good at it that they can do powerful magic specifically because they are so smart and studied a lot. If you don't like that, you should not play a wizard.

Which brings me to the second part which is that, were I to reveal how my personal semi-joking D&D post sausage is made, it tends to be by leaning in further into the mechanics and implications of the class, eg, "if becoming a warlock grants you incredible powers simply by promising service to an extraplanar entity, why don't more people - and extraplanar entities - exploit this? I'm not trying to subvert things, because I have a clear memory of the early 2000s and I could happily live the rest of my life with no one putting their dark twisted spin on anything ever again. I'm trying to actually quite seriously say "okay, here are the mechanics; if people were aware of this in-universe, what would they gravitate towards?" It just so happens that things get a little ridiculous when you actually stop and examine the tropes as they are.

Sometimes the stereotypes don't follow, because they were kind of baseless anyway (eg, bards really do not need to hit on everything that moves, there is no reason for it) but in the case of wizards the stereotype of "loving and needing books all the time" is built into the very structure of the class, and the intelligence is real. As a rule, while wizards and paladins can have weird motivations for becoming a wizard or paladin, they do need to be a certain way because of the mechanics and flavor of that class. I happen to like that, and I tend to be very irritated when someone tries to ignore it because the logic of the character just collapses without it.

So. Either accept the realities of playing a wizard in which case just like, play the wizard, or, if your goal is to have a lot of divination spells and abilities without being a wizard, while the school is a little underrepresented in other classes, Circle of Stars druids (Tasha's) and College of Spirits bards (Van Richten's), or the Knowledge cleric domain (PHB, although this again requires you to accept the whole being into books and knowledge thing) all have a lot of divination ability and flavor.

The thing is, also, I actually think the coolest thing with a divination-based character is to play it totally straight. I feel like I've seen the "subversive" view of "oh this character is a con artist except really they CAN tell the future" more than I've seen someone who just earnestly wants to be a diviner. It would be more interesting to me at least, I don't know about you, to again, explore the implications seriously. What kind of person devotes their life to knowing the future? What is their philosophy on fate vs. free will? Does this come from a need for control? To protect someone or something? To know that which isn't even written in books? And then to take it from there.