#also: the anecdote was a real life experience

[oriongarcia]

JORDYN IS IN LOVE WITH YOU - gets shot -

...

Who is this, Cass?

Very funny. Shall I tell everybody about that time you were three and we were in the countryside and you thought goat poops were chocolate-covered peanuts?

Go live in your made-up land of dragons and fairies.

[toerrishumansodontbeone]

man, its such a drag trying to find objective reviews of books with disturbing content. 9 times out of 10 it will center around the shocking subject and criticize it mainly on how justified was its usage.

Read Tender Is The Flesh yesterday and I wanted to see what more people thought, but ugh its so tiring having to filter through all the shocked normies.

I wanna hear peoples thoughts on the issues of sustainability that have been entirely left out of what is an obvious satire of late stage capitalism and the meat&dairy industry!

I wanna be validated on my nitpicky pro science sceptics pet peeves about how little enthusiasm the author has for the scientific method, how shallow the worldbuilding feels when youre faced with the premise of " all animals carry a virus deadly to humans, so they can no longer eat meat". I have a million questions having some basic interest in biology that I do. I have a million questions from being a vegetarian by simple preference. I wanna hear from other people who have trouble suspending disbelief cus INSECT PROTEIN IS RIGHT THERE AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE KILLED THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY COULD NO LONGER EAT MEAT THATS INSANE

[nix-that-rad-lass]

I gotta be real, and I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I think trans men are the most valid men.

Women just do it better 🤷‍♀️

Plus since female is default I guess you could consider that FTM is much more of a biological capability than MTF.

Not to say you can change sex, but rather, I think that trans men are much better able to transition and pass, and having been raised and treated as women, tend to be more capable of empathy.

This is not to excuse the rampant issues of gender ideology or the medical mistreatment and abuse of dysphoric women and girls.

[p0orbaby]

Spark Enough and Something Catches

summary: about how you’re guard is firmly up, until alexia comes into your life

warnings: soft sex but nothing explicit, past trauma

a/n: thank you for the request !

word count: 2.2k

-

You’ve never trusted a footballer before. Or a soccer player. Whatever people want to call it. The first time you meet Alexia Putellas, she’s all legs and sharp cheekbones, like someone engineered her in a lab. You meet her at a party you didn’t want to go to, dragged along by a friend who swears that this one will be fun. A lie. It’s full of people who own tiny dogs and use the word “network” as a verb.

She’s there because she knows someone who knows someone. A friend of a friend of a cousin. There’s a lot of loud talking, loud music, loud everything. You’re not loud. You’re a suspicious introvert with a knack for reading people, and you don’t like what you see—except for Alexia, standing in the corner, awkwardly holding a drink that’s too small for her hands. She catches your eye, and that’s it. A quirk of fate, the universe playing a practical joke.

It takes her a while to approach you because she’s Alexia Putellas, and you’re wearing that expression that says, “Do not approach me.” So she doesn’t. Not right away. She takes her time, watches you from across the room, which you find creepy until she finally makes her move.

“You look like you’d rather be anywhere else,” she says.

You shrug. “I’d rather be anywhere else”

She laughs, and you think, Oh no. This one has a nice laugh. This is a problem.

You’re not great with people. You like cats. Maybe dogs. But people? Too complicated. Too many feelings. You’ve built a wall around yourself, and it’s made of titanium and bad experiences. Your exes didn’t leave you with much except a distaste for small talk and an obsession with collecting weird anecdotes.

“So,” she says, and you can tell she’s trying. “Do you like football?”

“Not really,” you say, because it’s true. You’ve never been one for organised sports. The idea of running around after a ball while people yell at you seems absurd. Alexia blinks, and you wonder if you’ve blown it before it even begins. “But I’m open to persuasion”

Another laugh. Okay, maybe you haven’t blown it.

You spend the rest of the evening chatting. Or rather, she chats, and you respond in monosyllables, because that’s how you protect yourself. She’s patient, though. She waits for you to say something more, something real. You don’t give it to her, not yet.

You don’t think you’ll ever see her again. But then you do, because she asks for your number, and like an idiot, you give it to her. What’s the harm? It’s just a number. A number’s not a promise.

She texts you the next day, something simple. “Hey, want to grab coffee?”

You think about ignoring it. It’s what you usually do. But you don’t. You say yes. You go for coffee. It’s awkward, at first. You’re not used to letting people in. You’re used to hiding behind sarcasm and deadpan humour. But Alexia? She’s disarming. She’s earnest in a way that’s almost annoying. But she’s also funny. Really funny. And smart. She listens when you talk, really listens, which is unnerving.

-

This goes on for weeks. Texts, coffee, dinner. You’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, for her to lose interest or realise you’re not worth the effort. But she doesn’t. She keeps showing up, keeps asking you about your day, keeps making you laugh with stories about her teammates. You start to let your guard down, inch by inch, like a dog coming out of its shell after too many years in the kennels.

One night, you’re at her place, a cozy little flat that’s much too neat for someone who’s always on the go. She’s cooking dinner, and you’re sitting at the counter, watching her move around the kitchen with the kind of grace that only comes from years of training. She catches you staring, and you look away, but not fast enough.

“What?” she asks, grinning.

“Nothing,” you say, because how do you explain that you’re still trying to figure her out? Still trying to understand why someone like her would be interested in someone like you.

She doesn’t push. She never pushes. That’s one of the things you like about her. But it’s also frustrating, because sometimes you want her to push. To break through the last of your defenses and force you to confront whatever it is you’re afraid of.

You eat dinner, and it’s delicious because of course she’s a great cook. She’s good at everything, which should make you hate her, but it doesn’t. It just makes you like her more. You’re screwed.

After dinner, you’re both on the sofa, watching some movie you picked out, a quirky indie film that’s more weird than entertaining. You’re not really paying attention. You’re too aware of her, sitting next to you, close but not too close, her hand resting on the cushion between you.

Halfway through the movie, she pauses it, turns to you. “Can I ask you something?”

You raise an eyebrow. “Sure”

“Why do you keep me at arm’s length?”

You’re caught off guard by the question, and it takes you a moment to respond. “I don’t”

“You do,” she says, and there’s no accusation in her voice, just curiosity. “It’s like you’re afraid to let me in”

You shrug, trying to play it off, but you know she’s right. “Maybe I am”

“Why?”

You don’t answer right away. You’ve never talked about this with anyone, not even yourself. But she’s looking at you with those eyes, those stupidly kind eyes, and before you can stop yourself, the words spill out.

“Because people leave,” you say, and it sounds so melodramatic that you almost cringe. But it’s true. People leave. They get bored, or they find someone better, or they just decide you’re not worth the effort anymore. And you’re left picking up the pieces, trying to pretend like it doesn’t hurt when it does. Every time.

Alexia doesn’t say anything for a long time. She just looks at you, really looks at you, and you feel like she’s seeing every cracked piece of you, every scar and wound you’ve tried to hide. It’s terrifying.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she says, finally. “Unless you want me to”

You don’t know how to respond to that, so you don’t. You just sit there, staring at the TV screen, which is frozen on a scene that doesn’t make sense out of context.

She reaches out, slowly, like she’s afraid you’ll bolt if she moves too fast. Her hand rests on yours, and you tense up, but you don’t pull away. You can feel her warmth, the softness of her skin against yours. It’s a small gesture, but it feels like a big deal, like something significant is happening.

You take a deep breath, and before you can talk yourself out of it, you turn to face her. “I’m scared,” you admit, and your voice is barely above a whisper.

She smiles, just a little. “So am I”

That surprises you. “Why?”

“Because you’re important to me,” she says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “And I don’t want to mess this up”

You laugh, a short, incredulous laugh. “I’m the one who’s going to mess this up”

“I don’t think so,” she says, and there’s something in her voice that makes you believe her.

The moment stretches out, and you know this is it. This is the moment when you decide whether to keep running or to let yourself be caught. You’re tired of running. Tired of being scared. So you lean in, just a little, and she meets you halfway. Her lips are soft against yours, tentative at first, like she’s giving you a chance to change your mind. But you don’t.

The kiss deepens, and you lose yourself in it, in the feel of her, the taste of her. It’s like nothing else exists, just the two of you, and for once, you’re not thinking about what comes next, or what could go wrong. You’re just here, in this moment, and it’s perfect.

When you finally pull away, you’re both breathing a little harder, and there’s a flush in her cheeks that makes her look even more beautiful, if that’s possible. You don’t say anything, because what is there to say? Words aren’t enough for this.

She doesn’t push you for more, doesn’t try to take things further. She just holds you, her arms wrapped around you in a way that makes you feel safe, like nothing can hurt you as long as she’s here.

And maybe that’s true. Maybe, for once, you’ve found someone who won’t leave. Someone who sees you, really sees you, and thinks you’re worth the effort.

It’s terrifying. But it’s also wonderful.

You don’t sleep together that night. You’re not ready, and she understands that. Instead, you fall asleep in her arms, her steady heartbeat lulling you into a sense of peace you haven’t felt in years.

-

In the morning, you wake up to find her watching you, a soft smile on her lips. You’re not a morning person, but somehow, with her, it’s different. You don’t mind waking up early if it means seeing her like this, all warm and soft and a little messy.

“Morning,” she says, her voice husky from sleep.

“Morning,” you reply, and it’s the first time in a long time that the word doesn’t feel like a lie.

She kisses you again, slow and sweet, and you melt into it, your body relaxing in a way that feels foreign but good. Really good.

You spend the day together, doing nothing and everything. You talk, you laugh, you kiss some more. There’s no pressure, no rush. Just the two of you, figuring things out at your own pace.

It’s weeks later when you finally decide you’re ready. It happens naturally, one moment leading to the next, until you’re both in her bed, the room filled with the soft glow of the bedside lamp. You’re nervous, but she’s patient, taking her time, making sure you’re comfortable every step of the way.

It’s soft and sweet and a little awkward, but in the best possible way. You’re not used to being vulnerable like this, but with her, it feels right. It feels safe.

When it starts, it’s all gentle touches and soft kisses, but then there’s this moment—this ridiculous moment—where your elbow jabs into her side at just the wrong angle, and she yelps, both of you freezing like you’ve broken some unspoken rule. There’s this split-second where you’re sure the mood is ruined, but then she bursts out laughing, a real belly laugh that shakes the bed and sends you into a fit of giggles, too. You laugh until you’re breathless, your faces inches apart, her forehead resting against yours as you try to remember how to breathe.

“Sorry,” you manage between giggles, your voice tinged with a mixture of embarrassment and amusement.

“It’s fine,” she says, still chuckling, and there’s this glint in her eye that makes your heart skip. “Who knew elbows could be so dangerous?”

You’re both grinning like idiots now, and somehow, the awkwardness dissolves into something tender, something that feels more real than any scripted moment ever could. She kisses you again, slower this time, her lips curling into a smile against yours. There’s no rush, no pressure to make it perfect, just the two of you figuring it out together, your laughter slowly fading into soft sighs.

You’re still fumbling a bit, still learning each other’s rhythms, but there’s a sweetness to it, a sense of discovery that makes every touch feel electric. You’re hyper-aware of everything—the warmth of her skin, the way her breath hitches when your hands move lower, the way she murmurs your name like it’s something sacred.

And when it finally happens, when you finally come together, it’s not the smooth, cinematic moment you’ve seen in movies. It’s a little clumsy, a little hesitant, but it’s yours. The connection is raw and unfiltered, filled with soft gasps and whispered reassurances. You can’t help but giggle again when your hands get tangled in the sheets, and she joins in, her face flushed and happy. It’s imperfect and human, but somehow, that makes it perfect in its own way.

Afterward, you lie there, tangled up in each other, your head resting on her chest. You can hear her heartbeat, steady and strong, and it calms you, makes you feel like maybe, just maybe, you can do this. You can let someone in without losing yourself.

She strokes your hair, her fingers gentle against your scalp. “You okay?” she asks, her voice soft.

“Yeah,” you say, and for the first time in a long time, you mean it. You’re more than okay. You’re happy.

She smiles, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Good”

You close your eyes, letting yourself sink into the moment, into her. You’re still scared, still worried that it won’t last, that something will happen to ruin it. But for now, you’re holding on to the hope that maybe, just maybe, this time will be different.

[life-of-an-asexual]

Asexual Non-Fiction

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen

An engaging exploration of what it means to be asexual in a world that's obsessed with sexual attraction, and what we can all learn about desire and identity by using an ace lens to see the world. Through interviews, cultural criticism, and memoir, ACE invites all readers to consider big-picture issues through the lens of asexuality, because every place that sexuality touches our world, asexuality does too.

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker

In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people's experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones.

How to Be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual by Rebecca Burgess

In this brave, hilarious and empowering graphic memoir, we follow Rebecca as they navigate a culture obsessed with sex—from being bullied at school and trying to fit in with friends, to forcing themself into relationships and experiencing anxiety and OCD—before coming to understand and embrace their asexual identity.

A Quick & Easy Guide to Asexuality by Molly Mulldoon and Will Hernandez

Writer Molly Muldoon and cartoonist Will Hernandez, both in the ace community, are here to shed light on society’s misconceptions of asexuality and what being ace is really like. This book is for anyone who wants to learn about asexuality, and for Ace people themselves, to validate their experiences. Asexuality is a real identity and it’s time the world recognizes it. Here’s to being invisible no more! 

Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives edited by Karli June Cerankowski and Megan Milks

As the first book-length collection of critical essays ever produced on the topic of asexuality, this book serves as a foundational text in a growing field of study. It also aims to reshape the directions of feminist and queer studies, and to radically alter popular conceptions of sex and desire. Including units addressing theories of asexual orientation; the politics of asexuality; asexuality in media culture; masculinity and asexuality; health, disability, and medicalization; and asexual literary theory, Asexualities will be of interest to scholars and students in sexuality, gender, sociology, cultural studies, disability studies, and media culture.

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown

In this exploration of what it means to be Black and asexual in America today, Sherronda J. Brown offers new perspectives on asexuality. She takes an incisive look at how anti-Blackness, white supremacy, patriarchy, heteronormativity, and capitalism enact harm against asexual people, contextualizing acephobia within a racial framework in the first book of its kind. A necessary and unapologetic reclamation, Refusing Compulsory Sexuality is smart, timely, and an essential read for asexuals, aromantics, queer readers, and anyone looking to better understand sexual politics in America.

I Am Ace: Advice on Living Your Best Asexual Life by Cody Daigle-Orians

Within these pages lie all the advice you need as a questioning ace teen. Tackling everything from what asexuality is, the asexual spectrum and tips on coming out, to intimacy, relationships, acephobia and finding joy, this guide will help you better understand your asexual identity alongside deeply relatable anecdotes drawn from Cody's personal experience. Whether you are ace, demi, gray-ace or not sure yet, this book will give you the courage and confidence to embrace your authentic self and live your best ace life.

Ace Voices: What it Means to Be Asexual, Aromantic, Demi or Grey-Ace by Eris Young

Drawing upon interviews with a wide range of people across the asexual spectrum, Eris Young is here to take you on an empowering, enriching journey through the rich multitudes of asexual life. With chapters spanning everything from dating, relationships and sex, to mental and emotional health, family, community and joy, the inspirational stories and personal experiences within these pages speak to aces living and loving in unique ways. Find support amongst the diverse narratives of aces sex-repulsed and sex-favourable, alongside voices exploring what it means to be black and ace, to be queer and ace, or ace and multi-partnered - and use it as a springboard for your own ace growth.

Asexual Erotics: Intimate Readings of Compulsory Sexuality by Ela Przybylo

Through a wide-ranging analysis of pivotal queer, feminist, and anti-racist movements; television and film; art and photography; and fiction, nonfiction, and theoretical texts, each chapter explores asexual erotics and demonstrates how asexuality has been vital to the formulation of intimate ways of knowing and being. Asexual Erotics assembles a compendium of asexual possibilities that speaks against the centralization of sex and sexuality, asking that we consider the ways in which compulsory sexuality is detrimental not only to asexual and nonsexual people but to all.

Ace Notes by Michele Kirichanskaya

As an ace or questioning person in an oh-so-allo world, you're probably in desperate need of a cheat sheet. Covering everything from coming out, explaining asexuality and understanding different types of attraction, to marriage, relationships, sex, consent, gatekeeping, religion, ace culture and more, this is the ultimate arsenal for whatever the allo world throws at you.

Ace and Aro Journeys: A Guide to Embracing Your Asexual or Aromantic Identity by The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project

Join the The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project (TAAAP) for a deep dive into the process of discovering and embracing your ace and aro identities. Empower yourself to explore the nuances of your identity, find and develop support networks, explore different kinds of partnership, come out to your communities and find real joy within. Combining a rigorous exploration of identity and sexuality models with hundreds of candid and poignant testimonials - this companion vouches for your personal truth, wherever you lie on the aspec spectrum.

Sounds Fake But Okay: An Asexual and Aromantic Perspective on Love, Relationships, Sex, and Pretty Much Anything Else by Sarah Costello and Kayla Kaszyca

Drawing on Sarah and Kayla's personal stories, and those of aspec friends all over the world, prepare to explore your microlabels, investigate different models of partnership, delve into the intersection of gender norms and compulsory sexuality and reconsider the meaning of sex - when allosexual attraction is out of the equation.

[4dbeingguide]

let’s talk about:

doubts.

thank you guys for all the love y’all gave my previous post! i have addressed this topic extensively in my previous posts but i feel like it is worth a post of its own. we all have doubts regardless of where you are in your manifestation journey. here is some advice on how to deal with them.

⚠️ disclaimer ⚠️: there is are no cure-all solutions for doubts other than the ones you discover yourself. blogs and manifestation tips can only make recommendations but you have to sit down with yourself and understand your own psyche so you can figure out what works for you. also please excuse any errors with my grammar lol

what are doubts?

“doubt: (a feeling of) not being certain about something, especially about how good or true it is.”

- cambridge dictionary

why do we experience doubts in LOA?

we’ve spent a good majority of our lives believing that the physical world/3D is independent of our minds. these beliefs tend to stick with us even when we learn that the opposite is the truth. however, it’s perfectly possible to flush them out or minimize them.

how do i deal with doubts?

depends on the doubt in question. let’s go over some the types of doubts you can get. please remember that some of your doubts might not appear over here and that’s perfectly fine. it’s still perfectly possible to defeat them. let’s get into it:

1. doubts about the legitimacy of LOA

in other words, “what if LOA isn’t real?”. there are multiple ways to deal with these doubts, it all comes down to whatever sticks with you the best.

the scientific way

if your doubts want scientific proof that the LOA is real, i have some links on this post that might help you. one of these has links that will take you to a bunch of scientific articles and books that prove the existence and legitimacy of LOA.

the spiritual way

some of us have a more spiritual outlook on life and that’s perfectly fine. many ancient spiritual practices practiced some form of LOA. a lot of research on these communities and their beliefs might help.

the anecdotal way

if your doubts want proof through experiences, reading success stories is an amazing way to start. @loasuccessarchive compiles many amazing success stories that might motivate you. but what i would recommend the most is starting a success story list of your own (and you can include stuff you haven’t seen in the 3D because you live in the 4D, i talk more about this in the post i linked above). your own experiences that you can verify are true will have a more powerful impression on you.

please remember that everybody has individual preferences even if they are not listed above!

2. doubts on whether you have your desire or not

i have addressed this in the post i linked so i’m just gonna give a quick summary. if you have it in the 4D, you have it. you are 4 dimensional and you live in the 4D, you just perceive it in 3 dimensions. don’t rely on the 3D for approval cause it’s an illusion. the 4D is real, the 3D isn’t. something can happen in the 3D but still not be true, that’s why revision exists. but if it happens in the 4D, it’s happened unless you change it.

3. doubts on whether you can manifest

this is different from number 1 in the sense that this doubt believes that everybody else (those people you see with the success stories) can manifest but you can’t. this is laughably false. if you weren’t able to manifest you wouldn’t be alive. the mind is reality and creates the illusion you perceive as the physical world, that is a constant. you are always manifesting. LOA is just you picking what to manifest (which is perfectly possible).

methods to use when dealing with doubts

1. research

- researching on why your doubts are false may greatly help you in defeating them.

2. rants & inner debates

- rants are basically just angry and aggressive talks one gives to their doubts. “STOP FUCKING CHECKING THE 3D!” can count. you don’t have to always use ranting especially when it doesn’t help but to each their own. if it works for you, have at it! just make sure to put your mental health first.

- inner debates on the other hand are calm and civilized talks with your doubts. it involves listening to your doubts (but not believing them) and debunk them in level headed manner. this may help people who want to get over their doubts through logic and reason.

3. the “i can doubt it all i want” method

- i use this all the time and think it’s very worth sharing. it involves telling yourself something to the effect of “i can doubt it all i want, (insert desire) is an objective fact”. think of your desire like a blue shirt you’re wearing for example. you can ask yourself “is the shirt really blue?” all you want but that won’t change the fact the shirt is blue.

4. the “as ______ is true, so is my desire” method

- this is pretty simple. it’s basically taking an objective fact you accept and applying that same attitude your desire. it goes something like this: “as the sky is blue right now, my SP loves me” for example.

5. reprioritization

- a lot of our doubts come from the belief that something is only valid if it happens in the 3D. those beliefs that make the 3D the top priority make you constantly rely on the 3D which can lead to checking and doubts. all you have to do is make the 4D your top priority/end goal since that’s where you live. you live in the 4D. the 3D doesn’t have shit to do with you.

conclusion

doubts are perfectly normal and there are multiple ways to get rid of them. please be patient and kind to yourself as you try to do so. wishing all of u the best 🫶

[s-soulwriter]

Research Tips for Writing Your Book

Are you diving into the exciting world of writing and researching for your book project? Here's what you need to know to make your research journey a success:

Define Your Purpose: Before diving into research, have a clear understanding of your book's purpose and goals. Know the themes you want to explore and the message you wish to convey. This will give your research a focused direction.

Create a Research Plan: Outline the specific areas you need to research, set milestones, and establish deadlines. A well-structured research plan keeps you on track and helps you manage your time efficiently.

Use Multiple Sources: Diversify your sources. Books, academic papers, interviews, and digital resources each offer unique perspectives and insights. This diversity enriches your understanding and adds depth to your writing.

Organize Your Notes: Keep your research notes well-organized. Consider using digital tools like note-taking apps or physical notebooks with labeled sections for different topics. Efficient organization will save you time and effort later.

Fact-Check: Ensure the accuracy of your research. Verify any details that are crucial to your story or argument. Misinformation can erode your credibility and disrupt the reader's immersion.

Cite Sources Properly: Keep meticulous records of your sources and be diligent about citations. Use a recognized citation style (e.g., APA, MLA, Chicago) to give credit to the authors and avoid plagiarism.

Interview Experts: Reach out to experts or people with firsthand knowledge relevant to your topic. Interviews can provide you with valuable insights, real-life experiences, and unique anecdotes to enhance your book.

Visit Relevant Places: If your book is set in a particular location, consider visiting it if possible. Experiencing the environment firsthand can help you capture its atmosphere, culture, and nuances more authentically.

Take Breaks: Research can be mentally taxing. Don't forget to take breaks to recharge and maintain a fresh perspective. Stepping away from your work can also lead to new insights and ideas.

Stay Open-Minded: Be open to unexpected discoveries during your research. Sometimes, the most profound insights come from unrelated sources or tangential information that you stumble upon while researching.

Keep a Journal: Maintain a research journal where you can jot down notes, ideas, and thoughts as they occur. This journal can serve as a valuable resource when you're writing your book.

Join Writing Communities: Connect with other writers in person or online. They can offer guidance, share their experiences, and provide emotional support when you face challenges during the research and writing process.

Revise and Refine: Don't think of research as a one-time activity. Continuously revisit and refine your research as your book evolves. New ideas or directions may emerge, and you may need to adjust your research accordingly.

Respect Copyright Laws: Understand the copyright laws applicable to your research. Ensure you have the rights to use specific materials, especially if you plan to incorporate them into your book. Obtaining permissions or licensing may be necessary.

Balance Research and Writing: While research is crucial, there comes a point where you must transition from research to writing. Avoid getting stuck in a perpetual research phase. Once you have enough information to start, begin writing and integrate research as needed in your work.

Remember that your research phase is an integral part of the creative process. It's where the foundation of your book is built, and it can be a fascinating journey in itself.But keep in mind, as you're writing your first draft, you can never know everything, never research everything. A second opinion is always good, and for that, you can ask friends, family, or even me on this blog.

[poison-into-positivity]

Thinking about Lucius in Red Flags and how his narrative purpose kind of runs parallel to Archie’s in that same episode.

We know that Archie’s narrative role, among other things, is to show audiences that what Ed is doing is not uniquely cruel or evil in the world of piracy, but commonplace: “In my experience, this is kind of how these things go.” Not necessarily justified, but definitely normalized.

Lucius makes a similar argument in this episode, I think, when he tells Stede about his life on the other ships, it reinforces just how different “normal” piracy is from Stede’s method. Despite having several months of experience on a pirate ship, Lucius is ill-equipped to deal with life on other ships. He plays a similar role to the audience here—we also have really only been exposed to piracy through a Stede Bonnet lens, and so Lucius’s anecdotes seem as insane and outlandish to us as they felt to him.

The combination of Lucius’ and Archie’s respective experiences are really important here I think—these reminders of the “real world” of piracy help contextualize—but importantly, do not justify—Ed’s actions in the first two episodes, especially to an audience whose primary experience with piracy in this world thus far is one that is completely one-of-a-kind.

[inchidentally]

Inch what is your opinion on this clip? https://www.tumblr.com/eightyonefour/762429464940527616/what-kind-of-guyteammate-is-oscar

It makes me sad that Lando isn’t able to find a lot of words to describe Osco ;-;

ohhh anon I know for most ppl this is all so boring and not interesting but the way excitable!nervous!shy!butextroverted!fidgety!sassy!emotional!squirmy!insecuresometimes!pleaseloveme!whydoyouhateme?!seeIknewyou'dloveme!creative!sexualconfidence!HORNY!travelstheworldintechnicolor!babyfever!workaholic!Lando exists against calm, placid, self-assured, does his job well,what's the point in doing less than his best, work life balance, lowkey, rational, good with kids but talks to them like adults Oscar makes me so emotional for god knows what reason ??? ;_;

but to Get Into It, I know this is the choppiest messiest compilation I've ever done but hopefully it'll be both self-explanatory and also go along well w my usual dissertation on something that has no real life importance for me but that makes me Feel Things

x x x

so the main thing with how Lando's stops for long periods to think and mull it over is for two reasons: one is that he hasn't done the usual PR aspect of his rs with Oscar the way he has with other drivers/teammates - and the other is that if he found Oscar dull or uninteresting then he wouldn't have had to sit and think aslfgsaljfgsajl. Lando's rly good with the media and honestly this answer would've been rly easy and quick if he could just say "yeah he's very fast and a good guy! hard worker and solid teammate!" bc it's not like anyone is expecting any more about a guy like Oscar anyway!

and with everyone else, Lando's got lots of anecdotes and jokes and shared activities as well as lots of experience interacting on camera in ways that give fans something to enjoy. it's not being disingenuous, it's just that they can easily tailor the friendship to be useful for publicity.

but !!! it's also the case of all of Lando's friends on the grid being extroverts as well as being great on camera. and Lando maybe could be seen as an extrovert but he's also naturally (self-confessed as well as confirmed by those closest to him) painfully shy and he relies on extroverts around him to help him out a lot. I got this ask that we don't even need proof of bc it's exactly how Lando is when he's alone among strangers or around huge crowds. same with when he has to do publicity stuff all alone the thinking silences stretch and he gets that upward inflection where he's trying very hard to see if the other person knows what he means??

and Osc is very much not an extrovert and while he likes the odd shared activity, he has said he prefers quiet conversation in small groups away from public places. so literally ! the ways he and Lando are compatible are simply in enjoying spending time together and being extremely low pressure friends who don't like the publicity aspect encroaching on that.

so how do you describe someone to a stranger if they're just quietly a good, reliable person who you like and work well with ?? Oscar himself needs a fair amount of prodding and encouragement to describe himself, let alone Lando being asked to do it !!

which I think is why landoscar has actually had this strong resonance for a lot of us who have those kinds of friendships or love those kinds of people - you can only see it and get to know it by observing it and knowing it in a way yourself. the way Oscar stares at Lando and does his little self-assigned duties to Lando and the way Lando watches Oscar in that wide-eyed trusting way and lets his brattiness out bc Oscar will always find it endearing. none of that makes for snappy PR content but if you get the vibes then it's so so sooooooo sweet ;__;

it's also why their dynamic lends itself so much to fic authors bc you've got a strong foundation of their authentic dynamic since they can't/don't fake it or play it up, from which you can put them in any scenario or any roles and they just… write themselves! not in a sense that the author isn't putting the work in as a writer skfgalsfg but the strongest thread among landoscar fic is that dynamic always coming through so consistently (even in the more challenging dark fic or out there AUs) the classics I can think of first off are playdate by debrief, that one from work can come over on monday night by higgsbosonblues and q&a by corsi

the common development of how Oscar is so blatantly changed by Lando in ways that seem either superficial or purely practical so that Lando ends up initially missing out on the depth of what that means - and misinterpreting Oscar not changing emotionally for him as disinterest. only to find that when someone who is solid and reliable and knows who they are decides they love you, they show it by changing their life for you and not changing themselves for you.

and that irl considering that Oscar always says how important it is for his relationship with Lily that he spend time with her that isn't connected to his career/life's passion, it's clear that he considers that to be proof of how much he cares. so all of the little ways Oscar bends and adapts and fulfills Lando's practical needs are ways for him to say "I value you" "I make you a priority in my life" "I want to fit you into my life" "I am willing to give up something/change something for you"

like idk how much Lando realizes the significance of those things and that's how I interpret him spending a very long time mulling and thinking rather than just getting past the answer in a neat, succinct way. bc Max F is a very emotionally intelligent guy and very capable of expressing his feelings, all of the guys on the grid are varying levels of emotional awareness/intelligence but they all have the same regular expectation of using their words to express how they feel about friends, and ofc the people surrounding Lando for the past ten years are highly attenuated to his needs. Oscar stands out as this very very different person to what he's used to!

and lastly, there's the whole gentleness and communicating through their kitten smiles and their ways of getting lost on a random subject - they're just such a quiet, gentle introverted dynamic. there's this moment after Japan last year waiting for a train, as well as this moment from Vegas where the crowd is singing happy birthday to Lando that I think are like, poetic levels of how their shyness/introversion fully matches up. bc neither of them feels easy or comfortable actually interacting with the crowd, so they keep looking to each other and smiling for comfort and reassurance. if another driver from the grid were around they could probably rely on him to brazen out the situation, but these two kittens just find solidarity in each other to get through!

so a lot of what makes landoscar a flop for bromance-only ppl is what a lot of us love about it <3<3<3 like I love a good bromance and self-aware PR ships too but landoscar made me want to get an f1blr and write insane pointless dissertations about them so shrug emoji !!

[writinginaforrest]

Yes, I’m Transgender, but I’m not “Trans”

(31st Aug 2024)

When I think about this too much, I always come to the conclusion that I have got some internalised Transphobia. I identify as Male. I use He/Him pronouns. I dress in a way that conforms to the Gendered Norms of my culture. I’m just a guy. When “Trans” is added as a descriptor, not only does that become a thing about me, but it also sets me aside from other men. I’m not a Man, I’m a Trans Man. I’m a pseudo-masculine thing. When people realise I’m Transgender, I feel Castrated. That sounds pretty dang transphobic, doesn’t it. 

The way people have expected me to be Trans often Superseded what Transness is to me. I had a lecturer in college who insisted that my depression was, In part, a result of my going home every day to a family who did not know I was Trans. She sat there and looked me in the eyes and I watched myself in the reflection of her eyes becoming an anecdote in real time. I’ll always be her “Trans Student” who did remarkably well in her class before dropping off in his second year when he got a different teacher. For reference, my family may not have known that I am Trans, but It’s very rare that my deadname is used in my home. I’m referred to by my Middle name almost exclusively. Jeff (Jeffrey). And in reality. Transness was not something that was always on my mind and even now, I can be sure that it was not fueling my depression. My Undealt with sexual trauma? That’s a different story. But my being Trans wasn’t it. I didn’t even think about it that much. I still don’t. It’s not something that is an integral part of me. I would be no different If I had been born Cisgender. 

And that’s the thing. “Trans” carries a lot of weight to it, doesn’t it? A lot of people really connect to it on a level beyond it being simply a descriptor. It’s a culture, an experience, a mindset, an ideology, and what can I say to those people? Well done? Thank you? I don’t really have much to say, and that’s part of my problem. A lot of Trans artists are, at least partly, inspired by their queer experiences. I’m an artist (I yell into the void) and yet nothing about being Queer inspires art within me. I have nothing to say. My art would be the same if I were Cisgender. If I were Allosexual. I would be the same because I am not these descriptors that have been decided for me based on the way I live my life. 

“Trans” has become a commodity that I can’t escape. It’s something I’m supposed to stick on my laptop. It’s something I’m supposed to pin on my wall. It’s a lifestyle. A trait. A Community. A Culture. An Ideology. A Concept. An Abstraction. It’s everything and it’s nothing. I’m supposed to disclose it with pride when I meet new people. I’m supposed to warn Littluns about the dangers of not expressing themselves and being comfortable in their identity when I can’t even deliver on that. I’m supposed to do all these things. 

But no one is asking me to. 

No one is telling me to be “Trans”. 

I’m looking around at all of my Trans brothers and sisters and wondering if that’s behaviour I should emulate because I  have a) no frame of reference and b) no connection to Transess as a concept. I feel like I’m doing a disservice to those who feel a connection to it as a concept, when I only see it as an adjective. When I try to remove myself from it as much as possible. And again here comes the internalised Transphobia knocking at my window.

I’m an artist, A filmmaker, and a writer. I’ve never felt compelled to tell Trans stories. Is it because I don’t want to be pigeonholed into this idea of Transness that again, supersedes my own, or is it because I’m ashamed of it? Am I acknowledging that I am more than a Trans artist or am I just not taking pride in the fact that I’m going to have to live with being Trans for the rest of my life? It’s not something that goes away. Trans doesn’t stop. I Will always be Transgender and I have to cope with that because I am male and I was not born that way. 

I don’t Identify with Queerness. I don’t identify as Transgender. It is something I am, a thing that I cannot help. I Identify as Male, Transgender was just something that came free in the post. I didn't understand the terms and conditions of it. I'm dyslexic, you expect me to read the fine print?

Where does this end? What’s the accumulation of all of this thinking? I do not know. It doesn’t end. The debate where I am my own interlocutor only ends with more questions that I must ask myself. 

[robfinancialtip]

In this informative video, Kaaren Thompson from Karma Dog Speak shares her experience with the Halo 3 Collar, a groundbreaking innovation in the world of pet technology. As a seasoned user of the Halo Collar, Kaaren provides a comprehensive Halo Collar review, shedding light on the collar's impressive features and enhancements.

Kaaren introduces us to Cosmo, her furry companion adorned with the cutting-edge Halo 3 Collar since its release on September 1st. This collar has been a game-changer in Kaaren's extensive journey as a Halo dog owner.

The Halo 3 introduces exciting new elements, including a range of vibrant colors like Orchid, Sunburst, gray, and white. With a new magnetic charging port, this collar is not only stylish but also waterproof, allowing dogs like Cosmo to enjoy a dip without compromising functionality. The collar's GPS satellite technology has seen incredible improvements, offering a global connection via AI, Bluetooth, cellular, and Wi-Fi. This means your pet can roam freely, regardless of your location, and stay connected to the network.

One remarkable feature Kaaren highlights is the Halo Collar's beacon functionality, serving as both a keep-away and stay-in zone. This innovative capability provides pet owners like Kaaren with the ability to create boundaries indoors and outdoors, ensuring safety and training.

Kaaren shares personal anecdotes, including instances where the Halo Collar played a crucial role in bringing back an escaped dog, demonstrating the collar's effectiveness in real-life situations. The collar's remote feature allows Kaaren to call back her dogs with a simple signal, promoting positive dog training and providing freedom for dogs in various environments.

Beyond the technology, Kaaren emphasizes the positive impact the Halo 3 Collar has had on her relationship with her dogs, providing a unique sense of freedom and safety. The collar's waterproof design and magnetic charging port add to its durability, making it an ideal choice for outdoor dog activities.

The Halo Collar isn't just a tracking device; it's also a reliable dog activity tracker, ensuring that your furry friend stays healthy and active. With a focus on dog safety, this collar combines technology and practicality to offer pet owners peace of mind.

Whether your dog is a water enthusiast or an escape artist, the Halo Collar proves to be a reliable companion. Kaaren encourages viewers to consider this best outdoor dog collar for its flexibility, global connectivity, and the peace of mind it brings to pet owners. Remember to follow Kaaren on her social media channels for more insights, and if you found this video helpful, feel free to like, subscribe, and join the conversation.

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CHAPTERS: 00:00: Halo Collar Overview 02:55: Halo Collar Features 04:06: Virtual GPS Boundaries and Active Tracking

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Flat & Round Characters

Flat Characters - Consist of only a few features (usually based on clichés). They’re generally static characters meant to serve the story.

Round Characters - Have depth. They have weaknesses, strengths, flaws, fears, tastes, and dreams. They are well characterized in order to seem real. They're dynamic and change over time. They feel affected by the story’s events because they suffer their consequences and learn from them which makes them more realistic and believable.

The use of flat characters

Flat characters are often used in TV comedies (30-minute sitcoms with canned laughter) because comedic stories usually focus on the anecdote and the joke.

Thanks to their commonplace situations and characters, sitcoms are able to transmit a sense of familiarity to the spectator.

Flat characters also have a supporting role in stories with round main characters in order to achieve one of these effects:

Fast recognition: You need your readers/audience to easily recognize the type of characters you are presenting.

Contrast: Flat and/or static characters can highlight the internal or external evolution of round characters.

When to avoid flat characters

Unless you’re specifically looking for one of the previous effects listed for flat characters, it’s best that your characters (especially the protagonists) are round in order for your readers to identify with them.

Creating round and deep characters

Consider the following:

1. Internal Changes

Do your characters undergo any internal changes throughout the story?

Think about their situation at the beginning of the story.

Is it the same as it is at the end? It shouldn’t be.

They can be worse or better, but the story’s events should have affected them in some way.

2. External Changes

Do the external circumstances surrounding your characters change throughout the story?

Just as their personalities suffer variations, their external conditions should as well.

For example, one of your characters could be a farmer at the beginning of the story and then become a warrior by the end.

3. Goals

What do your characters want?

They should have a conscious desire – something that moves them into action.

4. Wishes

What do your characters need?

Regardless of what they think they want, there’s something they need at an unconscious level – something different from what they consciously desire.

That contradiction will bring depth to your fictional heroes.

5. Achievements

What do your characters attain?

Do they achieve any of their goals?

How does that affect them?

If you have the answer to the last question, you’ll have a clearer idea of how the story’s events have changed their way of facing life.

For instance, if they achieve what they wanted at the beginning of the tale but that’s not what they really need, they can learn from their mistakes and try to correct them.

However, they might also give into frustration.

6. Weaknesses

What are their weaknesses?

Everybody makes mistakes and has fears and flaws, so if you want your characters to be more believable, they’d better have weak points and see themselves in need of facing them if possible.

Your characters overcoming these weaknesses or not depends on the story you want to tell and on the type of evolution you want them to experience.

Some overcome them and progress while others don’t and fail. The contrast between them is what makes the story more believable.

7. Strengths

What are their strengths?

Apart from weaknesses, your characters can have strong points they may or may not know about.

Sometimes, they discover them and learn how to make the most of them.

Other times, they do not know, and it leads them to failure.

You, as a writer, should be clear about those strengths and so should your readers be in order to better understand your characters.

8. Conflicts

What’s your characters’ inner conflicts?

Once you’ve answered the previous seven areas of question, you’ll find this one easier to answer.

Every good character must deal with an inner conflict throughout the story such as a mental debate between what they need and what they want or a moral struggle between what they’re trying to attain and what they consider correct.

This type of dilemma makes your characters interesting, and their experiences can turn into life lessons for your readers.

Source ⚜ More: Writing Notes & References ⚜ Goals & Motivations "Well-Rounded Character" Worksheet ⚜ Conflict ⚜ 170 Quirks ⚜ Flaws

[leohtttbriar]

Someone brought an overhated character poll to my dash about Kai Winn and im literally so sad about the responses. I knew there were people who hated her but it's really baffling to me how maybe 10 people tops acknowledge her past and the reasonings behind her choices, they just see a space Karen.

oh dude, i'm sorry that sucks. and "sad" really is a simple but fairly complete word when it comes to the character of winn adami, huh.

like. i think a lot about how she's the most normal-looking woman on the show. she is also, simply, normal. she is faithful and political and appears and acts in ways far more familiar to us than most characters. even the fact of her alien-faith hardly serves to alienate, given that she is faithful in the way we might be--without true expectation of ever meeting the divine in this life. while kira can seem more like a fictional character when she speaks of the prophets, due to her proximity to them, winn sounds like the person accosting you on a street corner to talk about the rapture.

that's the thing, though, isn't it. about the "karen" phenomenon in general. there is nothing uniquely bad about middle-aged white women--nothing that makes them uniquely ungovernable in social spheres in ways men aren't. in ways everyone isn't, in some way. (merely anecdotal evidence, but my own experience in the service industry made me far more wary of men in their 30s wearing patagonia vests over dress-shirts). winn adami is a normal sort of frustration to people. one they encounter in the day-to-day. the political conservative who stands outside of planned parenthood and tells girls not to throw away their everlasting souls. the pentecostal women speaking gibberish in church, gesturing to the heavens with their out-of-fashion french manicures, who brought a tater-tot hot dish with extra kraft cheese to the pot luck. the women with cross-walls. with like. so many crosses. the women with leathery tans on the aging skin of their arms and neck. the women who quietly walk into voting booths around the world and choose "safety" over anything else, whether or not that "safety" is real.

at least. that's who people think winn is. setting aside the fact that most people don't truly know the kinds of women listed above, that it's unlikely they've spared a single ounce of pity for women like that ever in their entire lives, winn is not exactly pitiable in this way. she is awash in power. she is intelligent. she thinks. she would stand in a voting booth and choose "safety" (whether or not it's real) but she's not the lady wearing a t-shirt that says trump could grab her pussy if he wanted. she's not one of the many blonde women on fox news. she's not even sandra day o'connor or any other female conservative intellectual. because she's a metaphor.

we don't know her real-world politics because she's a fictional character in a fictional universe leading a fictional world. we know she's a conservative because fights very very hard to maintain the status quo regarding her bajoran religion and its teachings. but we don't know how any of that can be truly allegorized to conservative policies in the real-world. the main tension being: conservatives in the real-world base a lot of truly evil policy on a made-up divine figure interpreted through thousands of made-up hermeneutics and it is materially all Not Real. in ds9, the prophets are actual beings who affect reality. winn's said and done things on the show that sound like something an annoying woman with a turquoise-cross around her neck would say at a utah city council meeting about creationism and "inappropriate books." she also says things that a woman would say at a protest against the racist and paternalistic policies of the british museum. all we know of her as a political figure is that she is conservative. and like, power-hungry and desperate, but those aren't essentially related. she wants to conserve. and that encompasses more than one thing.

which means that people, when they see her, simply aren't thinking. they react to a woman who looks as she does. who speaks like a politician. who makes decisions that are unfair. but, exactly as you said, the show grounds her. they give her a past. they richly flesh out so much about her. they have her acting too rationally sometimes for someone of her professed faith. they have her acting completely irrational as her gods reject her again and again. all while she clings to them with a faith that endured actual torture at the hands of violent imperialists who yet attack her planet and yet attack her and yet she has to speak with as the leader of bajor.

and it's hard to see (beyond the obvious) why this character receives so much vitriol when you have characters like garak and dukat and kira who all are considered charming and beloved in some way or another, while still being as complex as they are. (and i don't even think dukat is all that complex.) even sisko has some moments that, if i lived in his world, i would be somewhat repulsed by--like when jake begs him to let the prophets go and sisko embraces the cosmic over the request of his son. (again: the prophets are real though, so my "repulsion" is more a reaction against people i see as priests, who i find in the real world, as a rule, awful.)

so. it's definitely sad. because the level and kind of hate bestowed upon this character really does seem to be a symptom of a much larger issue: of course, misogyny.

also that people don't tend to think.

[stsumugi11037]

Commentary on aroace/lesbian “fujoshi”

CW: talk of porn (the good and the bad), sex, and gender. Pretty graphic language and imagery. Sex repulsed aroace people BEWARE.

I would like to start this off by saying I am an aroace lesbian. What does that mean? Simply - I don’t want sex, nor romance, but if I did, I know where I’d find it. I love WOMEN. All women. Any women. I also really like yaoi, and I’ve seen some minimal discussion about specifically women who love yaoi or BL, and I’d like to add my two cents.

Several people online seem to take “lesbians liking yaoi” as just a natural reaction to the overall market of fiction. That is to say, there’s not a lot of options. There is a side to yuri which appeals to women, yes. But the way I see it, it’s either magical girl or slice of life, or, written by a man. And most of the stuff written by men is porn - bad porn. Thus it doesn’t appeal to women who actually like women.

In the same vein there is hetero stuff, which some lesbian/aroace yaoi enjoyers say doesn’t appeal to them because the majority of it has a male/female dynamic that is skewed. Oftentimes the woman is portrayed as weak or perhaps just isn’t a correct representation of the lesbian/aroace consumer. So why even bother?

Anecdotal, but I have had this experience too. I have a hard time getting into any kind of hetero ship because the women are often unrelatable or worse - just uninteresting. I don’t like men, so why would I care if it was just some faceless dame and her super hot husband? I don’t give a shit about him.

I’ve found that I enjoy a lot of hetero ships from demon slayer. Some may find this contradictory because there has been some commentary on the usefulness or intrigue around women in demon slayer. I think the demon slayer women are very interesting, story wise and appearance wise, and they fit very well with the men I ship them with. That is to say - men in demon slayer are simps for beautiful, strong, independent women - and I eat that shit up.

Most hetero stuff, however, is victimizing the women. Knowingly or unknowingly. It’s sad that if I want to get my rocks off to Mitsuri x Obanai, I have to scroll through like eight pages of the same inflation, big tits big ass no tummy, fart porn all sourced from the deepest dredges of Apocrypha. In fact, most of the time if you have the balls to like a fictional woman enough to want to see her getting respectfully banged, the cisgender heterosexual gooner men have already beaten you to the punch - and now you see her with her face in a smelly man’s ass. (All real examples by the way)

So it’s not to say I don’t like yuri, or hetero, it’s just that if I want to see women getting railed - I’m very particular. As I should be.

Yaoi, some people on the internet say, sets the men it’s focused around on equal footing. Instead of the woman being the damsel or a plain sexual object, the uke and seme are usually just two dudes. Not to say there aren’t power dynamics in yaoi - just to say that those power dynamics don’t hurt my pride as a woman. It doesn’t victimize a girl for somebody else’s sick kicks.

Yaoi, at least the kind I read, also can have an element of one man (the uke) usually being pretty soft or feminine. Why? Well that’s a pure reflection of how I (and other people) view sex. There is the giver and the receiver, the top and the bottom, the dom and the sub. Not that those lines don’t get crossed - they do, all the time. But as good ol’ Tevye says about Anatevka… TRADITION! (Sorry. It’s 3 AM)

The way I see it, it’s a way of having that traditional dynamic (pretty soft bottom and strong handsome top) without victimizing a woman. I do the same with yuri ships - I absolutely love love love a stone top with a pillow princess. And also - and I say this with no sense of shame - femboys are cute. Women are the superior form. Soz. So it’s awesome to see a man invoking his feminine side. It’s not like it makes him any less of a man. No matter how many times my mom peers at my drawings of Cloud Strife and says, “She’s pretty.” It doesn’t change the fact that he is him.

Gender is a fickle thing. It comes and it goes. I used to have a very conservative view of gender, and even sexuality. I was a “gold star lesbian”, and wanted nothing to do with men (still do, irl). You know what changed me? You’re gonna laugh. My Hero Academia. Oh, did I say you were gonna laugh? I meant cringe.

It’s not what you think. Bakudeku actually traumatized me - not the ship itself but one story I read on AO3 that I now understand for the masterpiece of terror and grossness it is. I would drop it but I don’t want to draw any undue attention to it.

What changed my mind on gender was actually Tomura. It didn’t even happen on purpose, l didn’t see him and go, “Oh he’s pretty, let’s dump a little more estrogen into him”. I shipped him with Dabi, paired them off as two dudes gettin it on, and I was loyal to my m/m ships. I ignored the ones tagged “Trans Tomura Shigaraki” because my brain refused to compute it. But then… I ran out of male fics. Well ran dry. I was getting anxious. I needed my shigadabi fix and how to get it?

Well. Can’t be that bad for Tomura to have a pussy.

… huh. He’s cute.

Oh no.

And that’s how it happened.

Just like that, my worldview shifted. Proud to say I’m a lot more open to gender and sexuality, now. It’s sometimes hard to admit that I used to have such rigid views. It’s a bit embarrassing - but I was also 13. My Hero just gave me the push I needed to grow up.

I’ll wrap it up now.

If you’re a lesbian or if you’re aroace and you like reading yaoi - don’t feel bad. Don’t even question it. Fiction is fiction, we’re here for such a short time you might as well enjoy the things you consume, whatever that may be. It doesn’t make you any less of who you are. It might mean that you’re just a feminist. Or it might mean you have some issues with your gender you need to hash out. Or maybe it means you just like hot guys. Who cares?

Some people argue why lesbians and aroace people like yaoi so much. There are many different answers. I’m not really concerned with them, anymore, now that I’ve found my own. What does concern me is the amount of people who I assume are outside of fandom circles… never having heard of women (lesbian or not) enjoying yaoi or BL. Several reddit comments asked, “There are lesbians who like that stuff? I’ve never seen one.”

Lemme tell you, these people are missing something awesome in life. Yaoi written by women is like fucking crack.

[whatbigotspost]

What I wish I could get people who didn’t grow up in highly controlled, abusive environments to understand is that when the very people who are forming you are really fucked up and bad, you are FULLY incapable of knowing that as a kid.

You’re not capable of “damn my dad is really not ok” or “mom is toxic” for a long time. It’s years and years of “this is life. That is my dad. That’s my mom. It’s just how it is.” It often takes PAINFUL moments of realization to get to even questioning if your life isn’t normal. In fact, in my experience, it takes many painful moments to eventually get you there. Someone at school making fun of your parents, for example. Or some outside caring adult noticing things they seem worried about w/ you. Or a particularly extreme incident of abuse that shakes you. Or reading/hearing someone recount abuse they survived and you get the sick realization it’s like a mirror for you.

When your primary caregivers are your means of survival, your brain wraps you in many many many protective layers of denial and whatever the fuck else it needs to so that you can get through it. Many folks like myself will spend more time healing ourselves as adults from our childhood than we spent in the childhood of trauma itself.

Also, let’s be real, an implication I’m making here is that a lot of folks don’t even pick at the thread of “was I abused?” because it’s too overwhelming all together. Or even “was my childhood kinda fucked up?”

Spoiler alert. If your childhood was kinda fucked up, it’s better, in the long run, to acknowledge and address that. Anyway, this is my characteristically long winded way of wanting to recommend some books on the subject that I have found deeply relatable and meaningful:

•Jeanette McCrurdy’s memoir I’m Glad My Mom Died: If you’d be up for an unflinching look at a deeply difficult childhood that includes physical, sexual, and emotional abuse and neglect and disordered eating in the Disney-universe, this is your read. Thinking about what McCurdy has had to overcome chills me to my core but the feelings she shares in words felt deeply relatable and I know they will help many.

•Ashley Ford’s memoir Somebody’s Daughter: I’m biased to love her because she’s a fellow Hoosier but you will love her too. Incredibly well written and deeply moving, Ford’s memoir covers her childhood with an abusive mother, a father in jail for rape, and survivorship of her own rape, as well as her place thriving now. She offers us such meaningful processing of her story. (And just writing style wise, this one is a mega fave.)

•Grace Cho’s memoir Tastes Like War: this one is a deep dive into Cho’s upbringing with a mother (who like one of my parents) has schizophrenia. I found her account of having a first hand seat to a parent’s mental health decline too relatable. The components of her story that focus on her mom’s experience of war and immigrating from Korea and the role that Korean food plays in their lives, are moving beyond words.

•Tara Westover’s memoir Educated: having been raised in a very isolated, survivalist Mormon family and tiny community in Idaho, Westover shares her personal story of a quest for escape and education. Although my family was nowhere nearly so unusual and isolated as Westover’s, I feel what she chronicles will highly resonate with anyone raised by someone who seeks to keep you away from “mainstream influences” or who is any level of survivalist.

Obviously, these are heavy reads and DO NOT check them out if you don’t feel in the right headspace. Each one moved me to tears multiple times. But if your awful/strange childhood and leaving it (them) behind makes you feel alone trust me YOU ARE NOT ALONE ❤️

I also recommend these reads for anyone who wants to see at an anecdotal level what are experiences of people raised in highly abusive environments and/or raised by parents struggling with mental illnesses and/or people raised in high control situations. Chances are you know/love someone who fits that description and you may gain helpful insights.

[sophieinwonderland]

I want to start with: people are not their disorders. Disorders are not identities. They are intended for clinicians and insurance companies and for treatment. They are clusters of symptoms. And they are faulty and honestly a poor piss always of describing people. All psychiatric disorders contain overlap. Personality disorders especially contain overlapping symptoms. Rarely does a person exactly fit one PD. Dissociation can be a symptom of PDs. Dissociating is not necessarily indicative of a dissociative disorder. Also, there is nothing wrong with being diagnosed with a PD. It doesn’t mean that person is a bad person. A PD is diagnosed when a person exhibits a pattern of certain behaviors over a long period of time, usually start in adolescence. PDs are often difficult to treat because those diagnosed often do not see any problem with their behavior, and therefore often do not actively try to change. PDs are incredibly sad, for both the person who likely experiences much unhappiness but can’t see why and for those around them.

I imagine that patient’s doctors knew her very well before coming to their diagnosis. It is very possible they observed manipulative behavior in her regularly. She may have believed she had DID as it would have been a convenient excuse to continue her manipulative behaviors. Often, people do not want to take responsibility for their harmful behavior. Could you imagine if everyone could just blame bad behavior on a dissociative disorder? It sounds like she just pointed to the dissociative disorder as an excuse, rather than feeling actual remorse or regret for her actions. Therein lies the difference. Again, does this make her a bad person? No. She clearly had a hard life that shaped her into who she was. However, it is important to diagnose correctly. Treatment changes depending on the diagnosis. Honestly, this is why I personally believe diagnoses should be withheld. Rather than viewing themselves as a whole person, patients may often overly identify with the diagnosis which can also hinder recovery (i.e. getting the patient to a place where they no longer feel the need to use maladaptive coping strategies; more ideally, getting them to a place where they can thrive rather than only survive).

Regardless, that is one anecdote. My point remains that it does happen that one is introduced with the concept of alters and then they suddenly have alters, not because they have DID, but again, because they have high suggestibility, prone to fantasy, etc. And that is ok! That doesn’t make them liars or bad people. It just doesn’t necessarily mean they have DID and therefore treatment used for DID may not be effective for them. More likely they’re young, still figuring out their identity, confused, etc. Clinicians need to be careful when a new client comes in claiming alters as having the wrong diagnosis can, again, hinder recovery, and with DID being all over social media nowadays, this is becoming more common.

I imagine that patient’s doctors knew her very well before coming to their diagnosis.

She had initially been diagnosed with DID.

Then she was sent to the clinic that conducted this study who suspected she didn't have real DID as soon as she was admitted to their department.

Honestly, this is why I personally believe diagnoses should be withheld.

You mean you shouldn't tell the patients what they're diagnosed with?

That's a terrible idea! Just imagine all the patients put on who knows how many different types of medications without being told what the meds are even treating! Unless you just mean for DID specifically, but then why single that out?

However, it is important to diagnose correctly.

I agree. It is very important to diagnose correctly. But the reasoning for her not having DID is weak. By all counts, it sounds like she fit the criteria. If not for DID then at least for OSDD.

Let me put this a different way.

These doctors had a problem. There were lawsuits being filed against psychiatrists for alleged misdiagnoses. To protect themselves and other doctors from such suits, they needed a defense.

They created a theory of "imitated DID" as a solution to this problem. A super hard-to-detect condition where people just enacted the symptoms of DID, that doctors couldn't possibly be held liable for because of how hard it is to detect.

To back up this theory, well, they needed case studies to use as examples. Which meant identifying people to have their made-up condition.

Regardless, that is one anecdote.

It's THE FIRST anecdote. This, and the other case studies presented, were what was used as justification to create Imitated DID as a concept!

Before this paper, there was malingering which was intentionally lying to gain some type of benefit. But there was no real concept of people gaining or imitating DID-like symptoms unconsciously.

In the end, this alleged condition of "imitated DID" has no scientific basis. The theory is not driven by science, but money. It was made up to protect doctors from legal liability.

My point remains that it does happen that one is introduced with the concept of alters and then they suddenly have alters, not because they have DID, but again, because they have high suggestibility, prone to fantasy, etc.

And my point is that evidence for this claim is lacking.

Many people don't just form alters after learning that DID exists. But sure, when people learn about plurality, if they are already plural, there is a tendency for them to realize that they already had headmates afterwards. But those headmates didn't just come into existence. It's just that the system didn't have words to describe their experiences before.

I will give you that, because of rampant system medicalism, many of these may be non-disordered systems will wrongfully self-diagnose as disordered systems. This is a reason we need more education on systems of all kinds.

But that's still not imitated DID. It's not created to copy DID experiences. They're just using the closest thing they know about to define the experience of being multiple that they already have.

Clinicians need to be careful when a new client comes in claiming alters as having the wrong diagnosis can, again, hinder recovery, and with DID being all over social media nowadays, this is becoming more common.

And yet, false diagnosis of DID is a non-issue. In a later study, Suzette Boon, who invented the concept of imitated DID, discussed how only 6 out of the 85 patients in that study were misdiagnosed with DID. In the same paper, she mentions how other studies have shown 26-40% of DID patients will be diagnosed with schizophrenia long before they get a correct diagnosis of DID. And that's just schizophrenia alone, never mind other psychotic disorders, BPD and similar disorders that are often confused with DID.

There is no epidemic of people getting falsely diagnosed with DID.

But there is an epidemic of people with DID and other dissociative disorders being wrongfully diagnosed with other conditions.

Why then, aren't we calling for clinicians to show the same care when diagnosing schizophrenia that we are with them diagnosing DID?

Oh wait, I just thought of 16 billion reasons.