#also yes i know this daily is late but i posted at a normal time the other day so it equals out

[daily-grian]

YOUR GRIAN HAS BEEN ENTRAPPED IN CANVAS!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

this is unreasonably cool omg

[bbyobbyo]

You don’t usually wake up at the same time as Jihoon, but he definitely makes sure that you wake up with him everyday.

content: fluff, established relationship, idol!Jihoon x non-idol!reader, domesticity, spotify as a plot point lol

wc: 1.6k

note: inspired by this reddit post which i thought was 100% something jihoon would do especially now that i know he uses spotify lol. i feel like im the only one who finds it hardest to write for their bias, i get really in my head about whether or not im portraying him in the way I want to. i’ve never written idol!au either (bc i think it’s easy to overdo) which only adds to me overthinking ahhhh but hope that you guys enjoy this one !! as always feedback or comments are appreciated 🥰 I read all of them and they make me so happy hehe

[read pt.2 here!]

Jihoon swears there's something magical about waking up to a calm and quiet morning. The sun is barely just rising, blanketing the world in a soft twilight that cuts the dark blues of the waning night. And in his bed, he finds something equally as magical: your soundly sleeping figure next to him. The world is silent except for your steady breaths, and he has to take extra caution to not fall asleep again if just to enjoy the brief moments of tranquility like this during his otherwise busy life. Eventually he gets up to start his schedule for the day, taking one last look at your peaceful slumber in fondness before he closes the door behind him.

Make no mistake, Jihoon loves his job. Having 13 members in his group is fantastic, except when you realize that 13 people requiring styling and wardrobe before every public appearance takes a lot of time. His mornings may start early, but in reality most of his time is spent listening to music in salon chairs and dozing off in waiting rooms.

In fact, it was in the middle of getting his makeup done when he discovered that around 8:20 am every day, his Spotify (which he uses to listen to his daily Bruno Mars Mix playlist) stops playing on his phone and switches to… the speaker at home? He bought a new speaker a few days ago because the last one you had was on its last legs from years of use, but if it’s malfunctioning already then he might have to look into getting a new speaker sooner than he thought.

Upon closer observation, Jihoon also notices that the song has changed — it’s playing one of his songs, your favorite one actually. Immediately he realizes what happened. He contemplates shooting you a text to tell you to disconnect him and just sync your own Spotify account to the speaker, you’re home more often than him anyway. That thought quickly disappears, however, as he imagines you getting ready for work listening to the sound of his voice and genuinely enjoying the music that he pours his heart and soul into, he can’t bring himself to disturb you even for a moment. His eyes soften as he stares blankly at the Spotify home screen, headphones now deafeningly silent. Surely, Jihoon decides, he can live without his Bruno Mars Mix for just a while longer.

-

You sometimes wonder if your boyfriend is magic. Although a good morning text has been standard in your relationship since the beginning, it's starting to concern you how perfectly timed it is.

Normally, your morning routine is simple. Wake up. Get out of bed. Bump some tunes. Check your notifications. Brush teeth. Wash face. Get dressed. Pack bag. Leave the house.

You’re usually the one to text him good morning given your later wake up time, yet he’s been beating you to it lately. Yes, he knows you set your alarm 8:15 everyday because it's “the perfect amount of time you need to get ready and still make it to work on the dot”. But that doesn't explain why “rise n shine babe :))” pops up on your phone as you brush your teeth on the days you wake up early, too.

[8:06 am] you have to tell me how you do it

[8:06 am] Do what????

[8:07 am] im onto you mister 👁👄👁

[8:07 am] 👍👍👍

You spiral through the possible scenarios in your head: he has your location, but that wouldn’t tell him when you woke up right? Does your icon move around on the map? No, the location data isn’t that accurate. Maybe when you open your phone, your Facebook status shows that you’re online? No, you know for a fact that you both haven’t opened that app in years. Hmm, did he plant cameras everywhere in the apartment? Sure, you get the security utility of it but if he did it without telling you, there would be some SERIOUS things to talk about, maybe it really is all just guesswork and coincidence?

Sigh… you’ll get to the bottom of this eventually.

-

Jihoon doesn’t plan on telling you, but rather wants you to figure it out yourself. After all, he’s been dropping so many hints already. Your chill hangouts at his studio have a gentle hum of your favorite songs as background noise. He purposely asks you about the new albums of your favorite artists that, surprise, he’s already listened to. He even makes it a point to remind you that the speaker at home is hooked to his account every now and then.

Sometimes, he swears that you’ve figured it out and were just messing with him when you make little comments about your his song choices like “Really babe, you listen to your own songs this often? Are you sure you’re not a narcissist or something?” But besides these moments, there was no indication that you knew about his secret morning routine as you questioned him regularly about his tactics.

He has to admit, it was kind of amusing to see you growing increasingly suspicious of how on earth he figures out when you wake up, being particularly fond of the cute annoyed face you make when he tells you “No babe, I did not put an Air Tag in your pajamas, you barely sleep in clothes anyway.” Even your pout is adorable as you pretend to give him the silent treatment, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to keep it up for long. His little secret is safe for another day.

-

Jihoon has been working brutal hours lately. As deadlines for the upcoming albums drew near, his days start earlier than ever and end equally as late. However, the one thing he can always count on is coming home to you waiting for him.

It was the night of the new album release and you were more excited than usual, greeting him at the door like a lovesick puppy as soon as you heard the door handle turning. “Hi love, what are you doing up so late?” he pulls you into a quick kiss as he sets his stuff down.

“I wanted to wait to listen to the new album with you so you could see my reaction to it!” your eyes were beaming with enthusiasm. Jihoon’s heart swells at the sentiment, knowing that his partner supports him and his passions with such sincerity. You excitedly motion him to join you in your shared bedroom, full of anticipation to hear the fruits of your boyfriend’s labor for the past months. “Alright, you’re not allowed to be disappointed then” he jokes as he pulls out his phone, quickly finding the recently released album and making sure the volume is high enough before tapping the first track and handing it over to you.

Only a few seconds of the song passes before an idea flashes across your eyes. “Wait, let’s play it on the speaker!” you interrupt. You’re on your feet in seconds and before Jihoon could even reach over to press pause, you’ve already commanded your home speaker to play the track out loud. The music immediately ceases on his phone and switches over to the speaker.

Shit, he’s done for, he thinks to himself. He studies your face carefully for any indication that he’s been found out but surprisingly, your attention is laser focused on the melodies now reverberating around your apartment. You’re mostly quiet during the songs but the rhythmic nodding of your head and facial expressions are a tell all of how much you enjoy each track that plays, contorting in a myriad of impressed shapes as killing part after killing part reaches your ears.

As the album comes to an end you look like you’re about to burst at the seams. Your boyfriend can’t control his smile as compliments and detailed thoughts flow freely from your lips for the rest of the night, not ceasing even as the both of you walk through your unwinding routines together. God, you love comeback days. The elaborate music show stages that you will undoubtedly watch later that evening has already been pre-recorded, giving you precious time together in the morning before his schedule whisks him away from your arms once again.

As you get ready for bed, you drift off to sleep knowing that tomorrow, for the first time in what seems like forever, you can finally tell him good morning in person before he can.

-

Your alarm rings at 8:15 am. Jihoon doesn’t need to be up this early, but he would do anything in order to be the first thing you see when you wake. You roll around in his embrace and press a kiss to his cheek. “Good morning” you both whisper to each other at the same time, sending you both into a fit of giggles as you argue who said it first.

Jihoon watches in adoration from the bed as you so naturally go through your morning routine, one that he misses out on more often than he would like. Today, you forgo your usual morning songs as you queue up your personal favorites off the new album, much to his delight. He tries his best to burn this scene into his memory as you gather your things and prepare to head out, giving him one last kiss. You’re about to unlock the door when you pause in your tracks.

“Baby?”

“Hmm?” he hums back from the bedroom.

“Enjoy the speaker, I can’t kick you off today.” you say with a smirk on your face as you exit the apartment, leaving Jihoon speechless.

[suzukiblu]

. . . anyway LISTEN I told 'yall November was gonna be "obligatory sugar daddy Tim/sugar baby Kon AU" month, and I really did not INTEND to post my daily words for it again this year but also, like, fuck it, we ball. No promises I will update EVERY day this time around but again: fuck it, we ball. ( also uhhhhh I've been writing this fic kinda-sorta-semi out of order lately but there is still a significant chunk of word count I'd already written that I would've pre-gamed and posted YESTERDAY if I'd thought I was gonna be doing this, sooooo hope nobody minds us kickin' off the month with like an extra 5.9k on top of the 1.6k of obligatory sugar that I ACTUALLY wrote today behind this here cut? yes? no?? Bueller???? )

get sugared, Super-boytoy. Tim, you just . . . you just do your future-supervillain best over there, buddy. you just do what you can with yourself. prev: (( chrono || non-chrono ))

“I wanted to,” Tim says again, and Kon glances away and bites his lip, turning the flowers by the stem again. 

“It’s, uh–pretty,” he says, then clears his throat. “I mean, it’s–cool. Thanks.” 

“If I can’t bring you fresh ones, well . . .” Tim shrugs. Kon glances back to him, and very briefly presses one of the orchid blooms against his own mouth. His face is still all flushed and his eyes are still a little soft, and it’s . . . it makes a picture, alright, even if it's not one Tim's specifically set up to take. Especially with the gold eyeliner and his blue eyes both matching the orchids. 

Tim didn't plan that, obviously, but he thinks it makes up for the sapphire versus ruby thing.

“Um . . .” Kon trails off, biting his lip. Glances down at the orchids from under his lashes. It doesn't make him any less of a picture, for sure. “So, um–do you wanna see the ‘something nice’ I got?” 

Tim blinks, immediately thinks of the most embarrassing option that Kon could possibly mean, and desperately tries to fight back a mortified flush at the idea. But, well–everything he can see Kon wearing is something he remembers buying him already, so . . . 

Oh god, he needs his brain to shut up right now. Immediately. Right now and immediately and forever. 

“Sure,” he says like a normal person, trying not to panic. “What is it?” 

Kon, thank god, pulls a little rectangular package inexplicably–and inexpertly–wrapped in newspaper comics out of the same coat pocket he tucked the jewelry box in. There's plain white string tied around it in a bow. 

Tim . . . blinks. 

If he didn't know better, he'd think Kon had . . . 

“I, um, got you something?” Kon says, and Tim stares blankly at the package. He–what? “For once, anyway. Well, I guess, uh, technically you got it for yourself, and actually this is kinda stupid maybe, you can literally just get yourself whatever you want whenever, obviously, but I just thought, uh–” 

“You got me something?” Tim repeats in surprise. Kon turns pink and shoves the package at him. Tim is too bewildered not to take it. 

“I thought it’d be, uh–fun,” he says, biting his lip and still very visibly blushing. “I mean–that we could have some fun with it. Y’know?” 

Tim stares at the package for another moment, then looks up at Kon. Alright, this maybe isn’t exactly the vibe he was going for here in terms of who’s paying for what and who’s giving things to who, but . . . well, Kon apparently used his allowance for whatever this is, at least, which gives him a reason to have wanted the allowance, so . . . he can work with that, he figures. Like, it’s an “in” to work from; a step in the process. 

He can’t tell what Kon’s gotten him from the shape of the package, though the edges are hard even though it doesn’t feel like it’s in a box or anything. “Have some fun” isn’t much of a clue, though he supposes it does imply something interactive. Maybe it’s a game of some kind, or–

Tim unties the bow and splits apart the clumsy seam of the comic-page wrapping paper with his thumb, tugging through its layers to reveal the package’s contents, and Kon flushes a little darker and watches him just a little bit nervously. 

Tim doesn’t actually know what to say. 

“I just thought, um, a real one’d probably take better pictures than a phone can,” Kon says sheepishly, slanting his eyes away and half-hiding his face behind the orchids. “I made sure the battery was charged and the guy at the store said it's got a lot of storage, I guess, so . . .” 

“You got me a camera,” Tim says blankly, which is the most bewildering possible thing that Kon could have gotten him short of, like . . . no, it’s pretty much just the most bewildering possible thing that Kon could have gotten him. By far it’s the most bewildering possible thing that Kon could have gotten him. 

“You like taking pictures, right?” Kon fidgets a little, then smiles just barely shyly as he glances back at him. Tim's heart skips a few beats. Or more than just “a few”, maybe. “So, um–I thought maybe we could go do that . . . somewhere. You know, after dinner.” 

“Oh,” Tim says, blinking at him a little stupidly. It’s not a particularly good camera, honestly–like, it’s a perfectly functional model for casual amateur use and a decently reliable commercial brand, but he’s got much better ones that are all professional-quality. He hasn’t used any of them in a while and most of them are admittedly a few years old now, but . . . yeah, this was a hundred bucks max, if that, and his cheapest camera was over five hundred. 

Note to self: raise Kon’s allowance. 

Also, apparently now his favorite camera is the kind of camera civilian amateurs just take random family photos on. Apparently that’s a thing. 

Tim really doesn’t know how to feel about the fact that Kon not only remembered something he mentioned having an interest in, Kon bothered to actually get him something he thought he’d have an interest in. That is really, really not the dynamic he’s been encouraging here, for one thing. And also, why even would Kon do that? Like–really? 

“Thanks,” Tim says sincerely, turning the camera over in his hands and feeling incredibly embarrassed about all of this. “I love it.” 

“Cool,” Kon says, biting his lip around a smile. His face is still a little pink and he looks all soft and pretty like that, especially with the flowers still in his hand. Tim really was not prepared for Kon having “soft and pretty” in his repertoire. Like, that was not a thing he ever expected to see from his cocky, crowing brawler of a teammate. 

Kon’s only a brawler because he thinks he’s supposed to be, though, Tim’s pretty sure. Like–increasingly sure, at this point. 

He really, really needs to figure out how to get Kon to tell Robin more about his TTK. Or, like . . . anything about it, apparently. Just literally any single thing, at this point. 

“Thank you,” he says again, inspecting the camera assessingly and making note of all its functions and ports and the generally obvious basics. “We could go take some shots around downtown later, if you’re up for that?” 

Kon turns bright red, and Tim doesn’t understand for about half a second before remembering–the last time Kon had talked to him about taking pictures, he’d offered . . . 

Oh Jesus. 

Tim is either incredibly stupid or–actually, he doesn’t even know. Lucky? Embarrassing? The dumbest moron alive who didn’t even realize he was being flirted with again? All those things and several even worse ones? 

Kon had offered to let him take spicy pics of him the last time they'd talked about taking pictures, whatever “spicy” means to Kon–brash, impulsive, shameless Kon–and Tim’s the idiot whose first thought upon Kon following up that conversation by very literally giving him a camera was to go take pictures of fucking downtown.

He is the most useless “sugar daddy” to ever sugar. 

Well, to be fair, it is Gotham downtown, so it’s very–

“I like taking pictures of streets and buildings,” he blurts belatedly, fumbling to sound like just the oblivious idiot that he is and not some kind of weird fucking perv who’s trying to get Kon arrested for public indecency. Jesus, he’s stupid. “And people-watching is interesting too. You know, stuff like that.” 

“Oh,” Kon says, and looks several ways at once, including both a little relieved and a little disheartened, which . . . okay, Tim would literally die if they actually went somewhere to take spicy pics tonight, so is unfortunately unavoidable. He’s not trying to make Kon not feel–attractive or anything, but he needs at least twenty-four hours to make a plan and also two or three or seventeen contingency plans before . . . anything like that happens. Ever. Even in theory. “Um–yeah, sure. That sounds cool.” 

“Cool,” Tim says, still desperately pretending to be an idiot. It’s not hard, on account of the fact that he very much is an idiot. 

Kon pauses for a moment, then perks up a little, seeming to think of something, and asks–“When’s dinner?” 

“Our reservation’s in forty-five minutes,” Tim says, double-checking the time on his phone just to be sure. “Well, forty-six. I figured that’d let us take our time walking over and maybe we could window-shop a little on the way.” 

And also shop-shop a lot, if Kon gives him literally even the slightest indication that he wants or needs something. Just if it comes up or anything. That’s all. 

Tim definitely did plan their route to the restaurant to cut straight through the middle of the downtown shopping district, either way. 

“We could’ve just met there, dude,” Kon says wryly, but grins anyway, glancing down at the orchids in his hand again. “Forty-six minutes, huh?” 

“Yeah,” Tim confirms. 

“And you like taking pictures of streets and buildings?” Kon asks, his grin turning just a little bit sly. Tim frowns briefly in confusion, not sure what the grin’s about. 

“Yeah,” he says. “Gotham has a lot of really interesting architecture and design. Like, it’s an old city, and one that’s been pretty resistant to updates in a lot of areas or just not had the money for those updates. So you get a lot of places with a lot of character and it’s basically the bastard child of gothic and art deco design with a side of industrial warehouse, depending on the part of town you’re in. Like, Crime Alley and the Diamond District have very different vibes, but they’re both very Gotham vibes, if you know what to look for. It’s–” 

Kon is grinning really widely at him, for some reason. Tim realizes he’s rambling like a moron and turns red. 

“Uh,” he says, repressing a wince. “Yes. Yeah. I like taking pictures of streets and buildings.” 

“Cool,” Kon says, and then he carefully packs the orchids back into their box and it back into the gift bag and transfers the chocolates and jewelry back into it too, then grins even wider at him as he hooks the bag’s handles over his arm and into the crook of his elbow. “Don’t drop the camera, babe.” 

“Wha–” Tim starts to say, and then Kon grabs him by the arm and pulls him into the closest alley, which is terrible survival instincts for Gotham, oh god, but before Tim can say anything about that Kon’s wrapped an arm around his waist just tight enough to just barely lift him off his feet and bolted straight up into the air with him. “Shit!”

Tim doesn’t drop the camera because he’s held onto cameras while falling off literal buildings before, but definitely only because of that. Muscle memory, or whatever. Also he’s been snatched off his feet by Bruce and Dick plenty of times and thrown off rooftops by multiple rogues and thugs over the years and these days gets regularly dragged around by Bart, all while holding very important things he could not afford to drop, so it’s not like either the sudden jolt or the effort to keep his grip on the camera are as disorienting as it otherwise would be. Just . . . 

Ugh, Tim realizes, absolutely unimpressed with himself upon realizing that the breathless feeling he’s having right now is not actually related to the swift and sudden increase in altitude, but is actually just because it’s Kon holding him. 

He is an idiot, isn’t he, he reflects resignedly. Just an actual literal idiot. 

Jesus. 

“Whatcha think?” Kon asks with a grin as he comes to a stop in mid-air with him. He stops very suddenly, but Tim notices a distinct lack of jarring with said stop, which implies Kon’s got his TTK around him again and probably completely around him, which means–

Oh god, Tim thinks, and very quickly makes himself stop thinking about that. 

“It’s cool,” he says, because a normal civilian would think flying was something interesting and unusual, but it’s hard to act too excited about a move Kon probably pulls on literally everyone he–

“I meant the view, babe!” Kon says with a laugh, and Tim . . . blinks. 

And then he looks down. 

They’re hovering a few thousand feet up, and downtown is already lit up bright in the early evening gloom. And Kon . . . 

“Streets and buildings, as ordered,” Kon says, grinning wider with a smug, cocky look on his face. 

Oh no, he’s hot, Tim realizes with dread, and then blinks again. Stares down at the city below, past the whipping wind and down into the busy streets and the bright, dazzling lights cutting through the murky gloom. He’s seen Gotham like this a thousand times, obviously, because of course he has–he’s been climbing these rooftops for years, and every night he runs across and swings back and forth between them and utterly fails to learn how to do more than a double backflip. 

One day, he promises himself distractedly, and then looks back at Kon. 

He’s seen Gotham like this a thousand times, but never just because someone thought he’d like it. Like–not like this, he means. Dick's shown him a few particularly special or exhilarating views over the years, yeah, but . . . definitely not like this. Not for a reason like this. 

And definitely not while peacocking all smug and pretty dressed up in clothes that he bought him and holding him close enough to kiss. 

Kon’s expression turns a little sheepish; a little soft. Not quite shy, but . . . 

“Do you like it?” he asks, his voice pitched a little quieter, and Tim has the much worse and even more dread-inducing realization of oh no, he’s CUTE.

He swallows, briefly, and feels his face burn. 

“Yeah,” he manages in an almost-normal voice. “I like it.” 

Kon grins at him, brighter than any city light, and Tim barely keeps himself from dropping the camera after all. 

“Thanks,” he attempts awkwardly, making himself focus on the camera and resisting the urge to take an immediate shot of that city-light grin. 

Then he takes one anyway, because of course he does. Kon laughs in surprise, then makes a face at him teasingly. 

“Hey, you can buy this face in any cheap gossip rag, focus on the fun stuff,” he jokes, jerking his head towards the city below. Tim looks searchingly at him for a moment, and then for obvious reasons snaps another picture. Kon flushes a little again. They probably won't even come out from this close, but . . . 

“You’re the most fun I’ve had all week,” Tim says, which is definitely too honest but clearly necessary to make a point of saying. Kon turns redder, ducking his head and grinning around his bitten lip. 

“You don’t have to say that kind of thing to me, man,” he says, and it comes across almost like a reflex. Tim hates . . . yeah, just literally everybody Kon’s ever known in his whole entire life, actually? Like, pretty much everybody? Bart gets a break because he grew up alone in VR and is therefore terrible with people and the girls get a break because they haven’t known any of them that long, but everybody else can just take a long walk off a short gutter, in Tim’s opinion. 

Especially any “everybody” from Cadmus. 

Or Metropolis, at this point. 

“I’m not saying anything I don’t want to say,” he says simply, and goes to the effort to frame a few shots of the skyline so Kon will know he appreciates . . . well, not the angle, exactly, but the thought. 

Technically he is usually on top of a building when he’s doing this, so the angle is actually a slightly different one than he’s used to–not that he’s been taking photos lately, just–not the point, really. Kon got him a camera and brought him up here because he clearly thought he’d like it, and damned if Tim is gonna do anything to make him think he doesn’t. 

He has better cameras for things like this–aerial shots and night photography and long-distance and the like, and better cameras for closeup candids too–but he already knows these pictures are all going to be exactly what he wants them to be, even the ones that don't come out. 

Or especially those, maybe. 

He's not sure how he'd explain that feeling to someone else. 

Kon flies them around, staying out of sight behind the light pollution and among the shadows of the buildings, and Tim takes . . . a lot more pictures than he needs to, actually. He was just trying to make sure Kon knew he appreciated him thinking of him, but actually . . . 

Well. 

It’s fun, that’s all. 

It’s . . . been a while, kinda, since he got to spend this much time on just photography and nothing else. Or–any time at all, really. 

Not that this is nothing else, obviously, given that Kon’s holding him and it is very, very hard to concentrate on anything besides that, but it is the kind of a view a standard civilian never gets, and it’s kind of nice to be flying for non-work-related reasons, for once. Like . . . novel, he guesses. A different experience. 

Technically he and Dick do “fly” together just for fun, sometimes, but that’s different. Like–so many kinds of different. It helps them in their work–keeps the rooftops familiar and them both in shape and in sync–but he can’t take photos when he’s trying to keep up with Nightwing across the rooftops of Gotham, and it’s not like Dick’s carrying him either. 

Also, it’s much less flustering and difficult to concentrate through, because again, Dick is not carrying him, and also Dick doesn’t do things like wear clothes he bought or do his eyeliner and paint his nails for him. Or, uh . . . anything like that. 

Also, definitely the “spicy pics” thing is not at all a thing, with Dick. Like, not even slightly, in any way whatsoever. And they’ve also never made out in a changing room or the back of a planetarium or– 

Look, there’s a lot of ways it’s different, okay? 

A lot of ways. 

“I'm not boring you, am I?” Tim asks a little bit sheepishly as Kon lands them on a ledge just behind one of the bigger gargoyles, tucked in tight in the shadows between it and the building it's perched on. “We can probably still fit in some window-shopping before dinner, if you want.” 

“Oh my god, dude, I promise we can do things you don't have to spend money on,” Kon says with a laugh as he lets him down on the ledge. “Though if it helps you technically did spend money on this, given how I got the camera and all.” 

“It's your allowance,” Tim says, because he wants to make sure Kon actually gets that. “You can spend it however you want.” 

“Well, I spent it how I wanted,” Kon says, and then steps closer into his space with a smile. Tim ends up sitting on the gargoyle’s back as Kon leans down to kiss him, and it's not like he's never kissed anyone while perched on a gargoyle before, but somehow it feels like something new anyway. New and electric, bright and easy and smeared with the city lights and thrilling in its shadows, and– 

Kon breaks off the kiss, though he keeps a hand on Tim’s arm, probably to make sure the squishy untrained civilian won't accidentally fall off the ledge and get splatted on the concrete. Tim barely holds himself back from chasing his mouth. 

“It's cool, anyway. Um, doing stuff you're into with you, I mean,” Kon says, looking a little soft and almost-shy again, and never mind, Tim not only needs to chase his mouth, he needs to set up a damn manhunt for it. “You're real cute when you get excited, man. I mean, uh–just–” 

The manhunt is going to require a very significant budget, Tim notes. 

Then he kisses him again, obviously. Kon melts down into it–into him, really–and wraps his arms around his neck, and Tim feels several kind of ways about it. Admittedly, it's the easier option with him sitting on the gargoyle and Kon leaning over him, but Kon's put his arms around his neck a couple of times now, and, well . . . 

That's just not something he would've expected from him, he guesses. Not “cool” or masculine or badass or . . . whatever, exactly, Kon thinks he's supposed to be. 

So Tim . . . likes it, he thinks, that Kon doesn't seem to think he needs to be like that around Tim Drake. 

Robin’s sure as hell never seen Kon in eyeliner. 

Robin's loss, Tim thinks. 

. . . maybe he's compartmentalizing a little too much these days, but still. 

Kon makes a very, very soft little sound between their mouths and then laughs, and Tim promises himself he won't stop at Gotham: he'll take over Metropolis for this asshole one day. Even if that means putting up with Lex Luthor and Superman. And also, like . . . everything about Metropolis. 

He'll figure it out. Supervillainy is still a long-term plan, so he's got time. 

Anyway, if he gives it to Kon after he takes it over he won't have to put up with it, so it's whatever. Sugar daddies do that kind of thing, right? Get their sugar-ees a city? 

. . . okay, definitely not. Like, very definitely not. 

“Okay date idea, then?” Kon asks as he leans back a bit and does a very bad job of biting back a smile, his face a little flushed and arms squeezing a little tighter around his neck. 

Tim will get him Metropolis if it kills Lex Luthor. 

“Very okay,” he says, smiling back at him. Kon grins, his face turning just a little bit redder, and then kisses him again. Tim has absolutely no complaints about that. Ever. He can’t even imagine a complaint he’d have about that, in fact. 

Worst case scenario, he’ll get them in at another restaurant if they miss their reservation. 

He really doesn't know what else he's supposed to do about how easy Kon blushes. 

They definitely spend too long making out against the gargoyle and Tim definitely lets himself get too riled up during it–and does not think about tactile telekinesis or any kind of related passive perception while he does–but by the time he’s the one pressing Kon back against the building, he really doesn’t care anymore. 

The fact Kon is even willing to let him do that when there is literally no way Tim could ever actually pin him anywhere without a way to sabotage his powers is . . . really, really distracting. Just–so distracting. 

Jesus, Tim thinks, breaking off just long enough to catch his breath for a moment. Kon pants softly against his mouth, which sabotages that even worse than kryptonite would sabotage TTK. 

Jesus, Tim thinks again, and then crushes their mouths back together. 

He doesn’t need to breathe that often. 

Kon makes a softer, breathier sound this time, and Tim does not let himself make it weird by letting his hands wander anywhere outside of second base territory. Frankly he’s not sure second base territory isn’t him making it weird, but Kon started it, so hopefully it’s not? Like–logically it’d follow that Kon wouldn’t touch him anywhere he doesn’t want touched, right? 

Well–hopefully, anyway. 

The air feels tight, Tim notices suddenly, like the feeling of sinking into deeper pressure when underwater but all at once, and then realizes–oh. 

Uh. 

Okay. 

“Um,” he says, and immediately the feeling of pressure vanishes as Kon jerks back and claps a hand over his own mouth. Which is mostly him pushing Tim back, given their position, but he does crack the brickwork behind him a little. 

Whoops, Tim thinks. 

“Sorry!” Kon blurts. “Sorry, sorry, that’s–sorry! I just, uh–got a little too into it. I won’t do it again.” 

“It’s really not a problem,” Tim says, with absolutely no idea how to take the idea of Kon getting “a little too into it” when kissing him, or the idea that getting a little too into it apparently involves getting wrapped up in TTK a lot more noticeably than making him bulletproof at the museum did. “I mean–it didn’t hurt or anything, I was just surprised.” 

“I–yeah, I know, it’s just–weird,” Kon says, still looking mortified. “So–sorry. That’s all.” 

“I don’t mind weird,” Tim says, because actually the idea of being temporarily at least as invulnerable as Kon is while making out with him implies being able to devote a lot more attention to said making out, as opposed to keeping half an eye out for snipers or rogues or random rooftop criminals. Not that he’d stop paying any attention to that, obviously, just–yeah. Well. 

It’s a little tempting, that’s all. 

“Uh–you don’t?” Kon bites his lip, still looking a little embarrassed. 

“It kind of just felt like scuba-diving, but with less equipment involved,” Tim says with a little shrug, keeping his tone light because “seriously, you have no idea how much I’d like to not be compulsively keeping an eye out for snipers right now” isn’t a very “civilian” thing to say. “And I’m not about to complain about you enjoying kissing me that much either way.” 

“Oh,” Kon says, and flushes a little. “Uh–really?” 

“Really,” Tim says, smiling at him again and tugging gently at the lapels of his jacket to pull himself back in. Kon blushes, and grins, and meets him halfway for the kiss. The sensation of pressure wraps him up again, gentle but undeniable, and Tim feels several kinds of ways about it. 

Maybe even a little bit safe, or at least as safe as anyplace outside the Batcave ever gets. 

Tim knows there’s no such thing as being perfectly, completely safe, but getting all wrapped up in Kon’s TTK and kissed for it makes it hard to remember that. 

Very, very hard. 

They spend a much longer time making out this time. Tim is vaguely aware that they still have a dinner reservation to make, but . . . well, he did pad the time to allow for window-shopping, so even with the time they spent flying around taking pictures, it's probably fine? 

Yeah, no, they’ve definitely missed their reservation by now. Probably way past missed it. Just so, so far past missed it. 

Weirdly, Tim doesn’t care as much as he should, even though he really prefers when things go to plan and also needs Kon to feel appreciated and like he got properly spoiled and taken someplace nice. He’s going to have to figure out something else on the fly, though, because he really does needs Kon to feel appreciated and also needs the excuse to get him more used to getting money spent on him and–

Tim remembers that he needs to breathe more than he's currently breathing and breaks off the kiss. Kon half-chases his mouth with his own, audibly breathless himself. Tim is not equipped to handle Kon breathless. 

That might actually be more flattering than the TTK thing. Or, uh–flustering, maybe. 

Both, maybe. “Both” is probably accurate here. 

Jesus, Tim does not know what he did to deserve Kon getting breathless over something he’s done to him, much less all soft and pretty and–

They have definitely, definitely missed their reservation. Usually Tim has a better sense of time than that, but usually Tim doesn’t have Kon wanting to make out on a Gotham rooftop with him, Like, he thinks he can forgive himself a little bit of disorientation on that one, considering. 

. . . as long as Bruce never finds out he messed up that bad, anyway. Because Bruce would definitely not like hearing he’d messed up that bad, TTK or not. 

Probably especially involving the TTK, actually. Probably Bruce would not take “yeah I let Superboy get distracted enough to unconsciously wrap me up in his Kryptonian-level superpowers while he wasn’t in full control of them and actually, like, encouraged it, kinda? like, explicitly encouraged it, actually”. 

Yeah, Bruce would not like that. 

“Um,” Tim says, and clears his throat a little awkwardly. “So, uh–hungry yet?” 

“You could say that,” Kon murmurs, then flashes him a sharp, wicked grin with his eyes slit open just enough to fix on Tim’s mouth. Tim spares a moment to compartmentalize just enough to not lose his mind about that, then makes the mistake of licking his lips anxiously, sees Kon’s hooded eyes go hot at the sight, and immediately fails to not lose his mind. 

“Uh,” he manages, and then decides they don’t really need to get dinner just yet and maybe they could just, like–no, no, Kon is definitely not getting enough calories from that stupid barely-legal underground lab’s stupid definitely-not-health-code-compliant cafeteria, Tim is not gonna be a bad enough date to not get his date a respectable amount of calories. That is just not a thing that he’s gonna, like . . . thing, as a thing. Or whatever. 

Not like Superman’s been bringing Kon casseroles or anything, the prick. 

“Um, I–uh, might’ve let us get a little too distracted, sorry,” Tim attempts after a moment of mental fumbling, making himself push back from Kon a little and pulling his phone out to check the time. Yeah, they have definitely missed their reservation. Very, very thoroughly have they missed it. 

Dammit. That is not Bat-quality situational awareness. 

“You think that was just you, man?” Kon asks with a little laugh, just barely ducking his head and biting his lip. It is . . . very distracting. As is his face. And his hands, which are still loosely on Tim’s back, and his TTK, which is still loosely . . . basically everywhere, yeah. Just–way too many places for Tim to be rational about, basically. 

“I mean, I was the one who made the reservation,” he says, clearing his throat awkwardly as he does his best to at least fake rationality. “So, uh, I should’ve been paying attention to the time. I can see if there’s someplace we can still slip in, it’s a little last-minute for a Friday but–” 

Kon kisses him again. 

Tim was saying something, he’s reasonably sure, but he couldn’t remember whatever it was with a gun to his head. A gun to his head while out of his suit and without Kon on the same floor as him, to be clear. 

Kon leans back and grins at him, all bright and pretty and cutting right through the shade and shadows of Gotham like a spotlight-signal lighting up the cloud cover. Tim remains vaguely aware of the fact that he was doing . . . something. At some point. In theory. 

God, Kon is so pretty. So, so pretty. And everything he’s wearing is something Tim bought him, coat and clothes and jewelry and all. Just–all of it, as far as he can see. 

Tim does not let himself think about what else Kon might or might not be wearing right now. Just–that way lies madness, and also Kon not getting a decent dinner and decent spoiling. 

. . . there’s probably some other ways Tim could spoil him, technically, if he just– 

Tim does not finish that thought. 

“You’re so fucking cute, daddy,” Kon says, still grinning just as signal-bright and pretty at him. Tim is not prepared for literally any of that and nearly melts right off the ledge into an incoherent mess of street pizza. 

“Uh,” he says, swallowing roughly. “We should–are you hungry yet?” 

Kon laughs, for some reason. Tim very quietly and carefully burns alive, and then Kon floats up a few inches and ducks around him and back out into the open air, leaning down to grin at him and reaching to–probably he’s intending to pick him up again, Tim’s brain is vaguely aware, but the rest of Tim is thinking more like hurr durr pretty boy, which is definitely why he ends up reaching up to cup Kon’s face in his hands and tug him down for another kiss, pushing himself up on his toes on the edge of the ledge to reach him easier. Kon makes a soft, breathless little noise, then laughs in delight and kisses him back. 

The wind is cold and sharp and the evening sky is all heavy dark clouds and hazy light pollution and Kon’s wearing clothes Tim bought him, some of which Tim even suggested to him, and he put on makeup and painted his nails to come see him and he’s got a gift bag of little things Tim picked out for him hooked in the crook of his elbow and he liked all of those little things, and they’ve not only missed but obliterated their dinner reservation, and they’re half-on a ledge high above the street and kissing and Kon is just so pretty.

And Kon also bought him a camera and brought him up here because he thought he’d like it and called him “cute”, which are all facts that Tim is definitely going to have to compartmentalize to fully process later, or else he really will melt right off the stupid ledge. 

The spicy pics thing, also, is a thing. The spicy pics thing is, uh–very much a thing. 

Tim is maybe just never gonna process that particular fact in, like, self-defense. 

Ever. 

. . . god, he’s going to have to process that fact at some point, isn’t he. God. That is . . . that is a whole thing that he is going to have to do. Like, effectively and well and throughly.

Maybe it’s not too late to just go supervillain right now, actually. Maybe Kon would be open to, like, minionhood or something. Lots of supervillains put their minions up in their lairs, right? That’s totally a thing, isn’t it? 

Ugh, no, Kon deserves a place he can really feel like is his place and also he has not laid near enough groundwork to get Dick to switch sides. Like, Alfred would, obviously. Alfred will be on-board the second the rusty crowbar and shrapnel bomb plan comes up and will probably have useful notes to add. But Dick is gonna require some more long-term finessing and Babs definitely won’t come if Dick doesn’t and– 

Kon laughs into the kiss and cups Tim’s face in return, which is incredibly distracting, and then squishes his face, which is incredibly annoying. 

“Hey!” Tim sputters, and Kon laughs again and leans back just enough to grin at him. 

“You are so weird, dude,” he says. “I can literally hear you thinking.” 

“. . . that’s not me being detached from the situation, I–” Tim starts, unable to repress a wince, and Kon just grins wider, grabs his wrists, and tugs him off the ledge and–oh, okay, that’s a weird sensation, Tim notes, because gravity does absolutely nothing at all to him until Kon’s pulled him into his arms and wrapped him up in them again all easy and secure. . 

So that’s . . . yeah, no, “incredibly distracting” isn’t actually gonna cover this one, considering. 

“Uh,” he says, blinking a couple of times. That. That is definitely not how Superboy holds Robin. 

Frick. 

“I just gotta keep you better attached, right, daddy?” Kon purrs–really purrs, his chest briefly vibrating against Tim’s–and then grins wider at him again with eyes that are, unfortunately, literally goddamn sparkling right now–thanks, gold eyeliner, Tim didn’t need those higher thought processes–before giving him another quick little kiss that Tim actually would like to turn into a four-hour make-out session and maybe also a sleepover and–

God he needs to remember how to compartmentalize. He really, really needs to remember how to compartmentalize. 

Also he needs to kiss Kon’s literal friggin’ brains out, the smug friggin’ asshole.

Mid-air makeouts are the worst possible idea Kon has ever inflicted on him and Tim would sooner fight Killer Croc without his utility belt than point that fact out to him. 

He winds his arms around Kon’s neck and kisses him back, and Kon makes this tiny little–not pleased, not content, but actually happy-sounding noise and kisses back harder. Tim feels gravity stop being a particularly relevant concern again and feels like he’s floating in deep, heavy water but also like he’s the lightest he’s ever been in his life, and it is . . . it is a feeling, alright. 

Kon is a menace. Kon is a problem. 

Kon is so, so damn cute. 

“You are an actual literal brat, baby,” Tim mutters slightly more feelingly than he means to, and Kon’s laugh comes out a little breathier this time and he ducks his head to the side and his face flushes and–

No. Nope. No. Tim needs to not learn anything new about himself or Kon tonight, or, worse, anything about him and Kon. That is just not a thing he has time for in his schedule. He’s got to fit in an anxiety attack and three full files’ worth of casework this weekend, for one, plus his science presentation and that make-up book report, and also come up with someplace else nice enough to take Kon to dinner tonight. 

“So, uh–dinner?” he says very quickly–self-defense, again–and Kon bites his lower lip and grins around it, his face still turned just a little bit away. Tim pretends they’re not effectively pressed together from knee to neck right now. Pretends valiantly. “I mean–um, if you’re hungry yet.” 

Kon laughs, ducking his head lower, the dangling gold teardrop hanging from his ear gleaming warmly in the murky electric city light. Tim goes through multiple stages of emotional processing to keep himself from kissing his neck right behind that earring and completely forgetting about not only dinner, but all his homework and casework and even the anxiety attack. 

Does Kon laugh this much around Robin? 

Tim really doesn’t feel like he does. 

He also doesn’t tell Robin very important things like the fact that he can make other people bulletproof on a whim and map out an entire mall just by standing in it, which is objectively much worse and potentially dangerous a thing not to do, but also Tim is already positive he’s going to miss that laugh like crazy every time he sees Kon with the mask on. 

Robin doesn’t get to see Kon like this at all, even when he lets the asshole eat both stupid boxes of cinnamon bread. 

“Dinner, yeah,” Kon says, grinning again and then taking off backwards across the sky, apparently unconcerned about their chances of hitting a building. Tim’s not really in a proper carry so much as just stretched out against him and wrapped up in his arms, but given the nature of how Kon’s powers work, an actual carry is obivously not really a concern, so . . . 

Oh, Tim realizes as Kon tips back just enough to be reclining in the air, still flying without any apparent care or concern for the aerodynamics of the situation or anything but staying more or less out of view of anyone on the street below. 

Avoiding the street view is good. 

The part where now he’s essentially laying on top of Kon is . . . less good, maybe. 

Maybe he won’t have to convince Kon to go supervillain, at least. Maybe Kon’s already there. 

“Where to, daddy?” Kon asks with a smirk, keeping one arm looped around Tim’s waist and folding the other behind his own head like he’s laying out in a lounge chair on the beach. Tim thinks longingly of smothering him and also of getting him to take down his TTK so he could bite a hickey or five into his neck. Maybe six. He could probably do six. 

Or seven. 

“Northeast towards Broad Street,” Tim says as he tips his head in the appropriate direction, then pulls up the camera again and snaps a quick shot of Kon’s smug smirk, which immediately breaks into a surprised laugh as the other flushes again. 

He takes a picture of that too. 

“You flirtin’ again already, man?” Kon asks with a sheepish little laugh, like the bastard has any room to talk. 

“The position’s pretty good for it, that’s all,” Tim says with a level of casualness he absolutely does not feel. Kon flushes darker and bites his lip again, still just barely grinning. Tim, ethically, has no choice but to take a few more pictures. 

“Oh my god,” Kon says, laughing again and unfolding the arm he has tucked behind his head to hide his eyes behind instead. Tim is maybe a little bit too aware of the line of his throat under the neck of his shirt, without his eyes and the sparkle there to be distracting him into a useless stupid mushbrained might-as-well-be-a-civilian, observationally-speaking. “I’m not a building, you absolute nerd!” 

“I said I liked people-watching too, didn’t I?” Tim points out reasonably, though mostly his brain’s occupied with the question of–“Hey. If you let down your TTK a bit, could a baseline-DNA human give you a hickey? Like, is that physically possible, or are you too Kryptonian for that?” 

“Oh my god,” Kon repeats, laughing harder even as the flush on his face spreads down his neck. Tim wonders how warm that might feel under his mouth. “I, uh–dunno, man. Maybe?” 

Tim silently resolves himself to finding literally any excuse to conduct that experiment and moves a hand to cup the side of Kon’s throat, eyeing it consideringly. Kon makes a slightly weird noise and visibly swallows, and Tim belatedly realizes that he’s paid literally no attention whatsoever to whether or not they’re about to hit a building or a flagpole or a roof this entire flight; he just assumed Kon had it handled. The Bat-paranoia kicks in and he glances up reflexively, and just as reflexively slides the pad of his thumb across Kon’s pulse. Their flight path is clear; they’re high enough to avoid most of the buildings in this area. Definitely still gonna need to keep an eye out for radio towers and billboards, but . . . 

Kon swallows again, the gesture a little bit rough this time. Tim feels the other’s throat flex against his palm. That sure is . . . that sure is a thing that Tim feels right there. That invulnerable throat flexing right there against his palm, and maybe not necessarily having to be invulnerable, if Kon didn’t want it to be. 

. . . . . . he already said he didn’t have time to learn anything new about himself tonight, dammit.

[bloopitynoot]

Reading TGCF: Chapter 34

For those who don't know, I am reading TGCF for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag Bloopitynoot reads TGCF. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read BUT if you followed along with my SVSSS read, the rules and vibe are the same.

Late chapter addition, but I needed to do a quiet activity to decompress after the day it has been. (I swear my life is not normally so shambolic, it's just one of the two busiest times of the year at work).

Charlie update: we got his bloodwork back today! No very terrible no good cat diseases (he does not have leukemia or HIV) but his liver levels are still absolutely terrible (understandable since there was a month between this bloodwork and his original bloodwork untreated).

So all systems going the same as before; two weeks antibiotics and then we run the tests again.

Hopefully there is improvement in a couple weeks.

As for Tea: today I went with my trusty oolong.

let's go chapter 34:

As fucked up as this entire situation is, I do stand with Yong'An for that riot. completely justified in my opinion. When your king isn't doing shit to help you and villainizes you for being poor and living in a drought zone, yeah, eat the rich. p91

I really do hate though that the people of Yong'An have become a self-fulfilling prophecy. They showed up for help, people started blaming them for things (that they likely did not do) and in the end they really ended up living that reality out of desperation. :( 92

Oh gosh. If Xie Lian descending causes his first banishment, I can see why. His reaction to this situation is rough. p94

Xie Lian does bring up an excellent point to his dad, if there wasn't capacity for them to take in these refugees, why not escort them elsewhere or help settle them somewhere else. p95

The daddy issues. p95

This is so complicated. The daughter of the wealthy family being kidnapped being the fuel for the rhetoric that all Yong'An people must be killed. It's really giving archduke Ferdinand energy. p99

It's like watching a trainwreck in slow motion

Seeing Xie Lian make the poorest of choices is so rough. Literally everyone is trying to get him to see sense. That sometimes bad things just happen and there is nothing we can do.

Do I think the situation was unavoidable; yes and no. The drought couldn't be stopped but the way in which surrounding towns and allies reacted was super fucked. That could have helped so many people but damn, it unfolded was messy.

[itwasntimethatdidit40]

Hey there!

I wanted to post that for a while so, here we are.

Wondering who’s behind this blog?

Here’s something about me under the cut:

• I identify as a woman, my pronouns are she/her

• Born and raised in Italy, I still live there.

• I’m 141 LOL but according to people I still look like I’m in my 30s so let me indulge in that, thank you very much.

• I don't think there's anyone who makes me more feral than Joel Miller. I just can’t help it. My (un)holy Pedro characters triad is Joel, Oberyn and Peña 💕 (immediately followed by Frankie)

• I have a little elephant pendant that I always wear, no one knows what it's about *wink*

• I’m Leo Sun, Libra Rising and Aries Moon. You scared? I promise I don’t bite, unless explicitly requested 😏

• I’m Bi/Pan as fuck, always been obviously but I realized only last year. LOL, better late than never i guess. I only have problems with cisgender straight white males because I mean… they’re the worst, okay, I don’t make the rules.

• Single, unmarried, not interested in having kids even a little bit, I prefer to be the cool auntie.

• I love cooking and I'm quite good at it, I had good genes from my Italian grandmas 😌

• I can’t function without coffee, especially in the morning. I take my coffee bitter with just a little bit of milk.

• I can’t stand lies, the phrase “oh I didn't tell you so as not to make you suffer” (UGH, no you didn’t tell me ‘cause you’re a fucking coward and that’s it, my friend), misogyny, racism, fascism, homophobia, bi-erasure, any other form of verbal or physical violence towards LGBTQIA+ people, injustice in general, if you are any of the above you are not welcome here or in my life.

• I love dogs. I have a poodle named Brienne after the GOT character, she’s 5 years old so that means she got me through pandemic and she’s my love and joy. Isn’t she adorable? Yes, she is.

• I’m unfortunately allergic to cats (yep, like Pedro) and can’t pet them unless I wish for an asthma attack. That sucks, I know.

• I have deep brown curly hair, brown eyes and I’m short (158 cm).

• I have a lot of freckles, you could go on a treasure hunt following them.

• I’ve been to more than 100 concerts in my life including some festivals abroad.

• I currently listen to Hozier and Chappell Roan on a daily basis. I also love Billie Eilish, used to be a big Muse fan (listen, their first albums were great, okay) plus I’m a sucker for ‘90/‘00 music ‘cause that’s the music I grew up with.

• I love beer more than wine.

• I love reading, I used to read all the time, I have less time to do it now and it bothers me so much. I’m still reading fanfiction though. 🤭

• I’m a sucker for True Crime Podcasts, I only listen to Italian ones for now so unless you’re Italian you don’t know my faves and it’s a pity ‘cause they’re really good.

• Cults scare the shit out of me but at the same time they’re one of the things that makes me more curious ‘cause my mind can’t really comprehend what happens in people’s mind when they get sucked into them.

• Some tv series I love in no particular order: The Last of Us, Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, Lost, The Handmaid’s Tale, Bojack Horseman, GOT (until seasons 7 & 8 happened 💀), Sense 8, Jane the Virgin, Grace and Frankie, Narcos, Only Murders in the building, The Bear, Succession, The Morning Show, Friends, Stranger Things (mostly because Jim Hopper is there, certainly not for those z*onists, you know), Mad Men, Derry Girls, Gilmore Girls (Luke Danes *cough*), Mindhunter, Peaky Blinders (huge Tommy Shelby’s slut, don’t look at me like that, okay), My Brilliant Friend, The Affair, Black Mirror (until last seasons happened but it used to be one of the greatest things ever), The Walking Dead (got bored halfway through season 9, I recently started a rewatch and I hope to get to the very end of it lol), Fleabag, Normal People, When They See Us, Hill House, Bly Manor, Midnight Mass, Chernobyl.

• Films I love in no particular order: Parasite, Aftersun, Past Lives, All of Us Strangers, Brokeback Mountain, Almost Famous, The Goonies, Stand By Me, The Breakfast Club, The Killing of a Sacred Deer, The Lobster, The Neon Demon, Midsommar, One Day, When Harry Met Sally, There’s still tomorrow, Strange Way of Life, Prospect, The Banshess of Inisherin, Coco, The Emperor’s New Groove (so underrated), Mommy, The Virgin Suicides, Girls Interrupted, Saltburn, Promising Young Woman, Little Women (1994), Gone Girl, Shoplifters, Bin-Jip 3 Iron, Love Me If You Dare, The Piano, Fried Green Tomatoes, Notorious, Some like it Hot, Rear Window and you can ask for my Letterboxd account for more.

• Bad weather makes me sad and melancholy.

• I obviously love Italian cuisine with all my heart but I also love to try new dishes especially when I’m abroad. I love chocolate and I have a sweet tooth in general but there’s nothing I crave more than good carbs (I can be happy with a slice of good bread or focaccia). I love spicy food but I can't handle it when it’s very very spicy.

• I love bags, I have so many bags and I still want more lol

• When I was a kid I wanted to be a writer or a journalist. What do I do now? I’m a secretary LOL (I also have a second job not related to writing as well)

• As a friend, I’m loyal to the bone, I could do anything for you if I love you. If you betray me real bad though don’t expect a second chance, I mean I could try but I know i can’t ‘cause you’re changed forever in my eyes.

• I have so many kinks, you can ask if you want to know, okay. Also, so many authors here are responsible for giving me new ones. I love you deeply.

If you want to know more my asks and dm are open!

Here’s a little bit of me, byeeeee.

[thescienceofdeductionn]

Stoic Perspective

This post will be some kind of addition to mindset, but also very important part. You might be wondering how it is related to deduction and Sherlock Holmes but even though we don't see Sherlock talking about Stoicism, he follows it in most cases. (Mixed with Cynicism which started around the time Diogenes lived.) So, let's see how Sherlock uses and how we can use it in our daily life.

Remember this episode? Season 1 Episode 3. Sherlock solves 5 cases in a row with some time constraints, stress factors, etc. In one scene, Watson asks, "There are lives at stake Sherlock! Actual human lives. Just so I know, do you care about that all?" and Sherlock answers with a brilliant answer: "Will caring about them help save them?" and Watson says "Nope." and then Sherlock says "Then I will continue not to make that mistake." Obviously, they show it like Sherlock doesn't care about anyone and is an egocentric narcissistic robot but that is certainly not the case. If you watch other adaptations(Granada, Elementary or even the books)Sherlock cares about other people, but not in a way normal people do. I am pointing out this scene because it shows us the attitude and mindset of Sherlock. Let's see how we can apply this in real life:

1-Caring without Emotions

"Emotional qualities are antagonistic to clear reasoning." -Sherlock Holmes

After watching Sherlock we shouldn't try to be like Sherlock, especially if we don't understand how he thinks. When he says, caring won't save them it doesn't mean he doesn't care. It just means it is not relevant and emotions won't help them in any way because it will cloud his thinking and deductions. So, what can you do in situations where stress is high and your emotions come to the surface?

1-Recognize them: Don't suppress or act like you don't have them. Just realize they are there and act accordingly. If you say "There is nothing wrong with me. I don't feel any emotions right now..." then you won't be aware of the affect they have on you.

2-Think Clearly: It is easy to say but hard to do. How can we think clearly? What does it mean? It means you have to use the relevant data and eliminate what is not. If you want to think clearly, you have to recognize your feelings, emotions etc. You have to be aware of them at every step so that when they are affecting your reasoning, you can overcome them and keep going.

3-Follow Your Logic

Sherlock doesn't call Moriarty after he solves the case because he wants to use time advantage. He wants to work on other cases and because of that, he doesn't call Moriarty. Watson is reacting with emotions and says this woman was covered with bombs all this time. Although Sherlock cares about the woman, he follows the logic. If he uses the time to his advantage, he can save more than one life but if he reacts with emotions, he will just save one. So, use your logic and act accordingly.

2-Perspective For Problems "External things are not the problem. It's your assessment of them. Which you can erase right now." -Marcus Aurelius

This can change a lot of things about how you see your problems. Let's say you have a lot of work to do and after a long day you are going home. When you arrive there, you realize your house is on fire? How would you react?

I believe, most of us would be full of emotions. Why did this happen to me? Why is life not fair? My life is over. What will I do now?

But if we just can change our perspective and practice it in our daily life we would have a very different and constructive response to the situation. Now, here is the perspective I am talking about:

Now think about the same scenario. You see that your house is on fire. You think "Can I do something about it?"->"Yes. I can call the fire department." or "No. It is too late. Everything is turned to ash." In both cases, you don't have to worry because it is already done. You can't travel back in time so you have to create your plans for the future. You can't waste time thinking about the past because it will limit your capacity to act on the future.

If you use this perspective in every situation, eventually it will become automatic and your emotional reactions will not be as strong as it is now. This way, you will be able to use your logic more easily and solve the problem you have.(Or you will stop worrying if you don't have a problem.) This is probably the fundamental perspective of Stoicism.

3-Expressing Emotions

I won't go deep into the Jungian Shadow or deep psychology of the emotions and suppressing etc but we have to be aware of this fact: The fact that if you don't express your emotions in some way, it will come out later bigger than it was.(Also, you won't be in control.)

If you watched Elementary, you know that almost in every episode Sherlock express his emotions to Watson.(Or to someone else. Which by the way is a more human adaptation of Sherlock.)He talks with her about what he feels and thinks about the situation because he can't deal with them alone. We can't deal with them alone too so we have to find some ways to express them. Here are some basic ones: 1-Talking to your Watson

If you have someone you are close to, then talk to them. Explain your feelings and emotions as clear as you can be.

2-Keeping a Journal

You won't always have an opportunity to talk with somebody so you need to talk with yourself clearly, which is what journaling does. You use words and getting things out of your head so you can analyze them more clearly. Just write and then read them aloud.

3-Physicality

If you like to work out, run, go to the gym or do any physical activity, do it. It is especially useful for anger and sadness. Try and find whatever works for you.

So, that is a general look at emotions and how to live with them. After you read this, you won't immediately detach from your emotions and act with your logic. This post is not enough, so you have to do your own reading. Some suggestions for reading: Meditations-Marcus Aurelius (Excellent example of journaling in a stoic way.) The Handbook-Epictetus Ryan Holiday's books(All relates to Stoicism)

And one last thing. Always remember these wise words:

"You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength." -Marcus Aurelius

[drdemonprince]

Probably a trivial question during a shitty time globally, but I'm going a bit crazy trying to figure this out and need help.

For some reason, people cancel last-minute alarmingly frequently when I host gatherings on days that are extremely important to me. I am talking mainly about my birthday and that of my partner but also a huge milestone graduation do last year was a nightmare as well. Neither I nor my partner have any meaningful relationships with our families anymore due to political differences and rely on our friends for the sense of home and belonging most people get from families.

Except this is a bit of a wasteland, as I struggle to form and maintain close friendships because of how unreliable and disappointing people have been for a while. This is not an individual (although there are a couple of people who I know will cancel every time) but a pattern. Someone will forget to book the right train ticket, another will only lurk on the event group chat and then comment for the first time before the event to say no. One person memorably just said they wanted to keep the option of a weekend gateway open so they could only come to my graduation party if they decided not to do that. Am I missing something here? Is this normal? I need consistency and dependability to feel safe and I feel like people I'd normally choose as friends (witty, nerdy interests, progressive) turn out to be incredibly bad at showing up for me when I need them. A friend I thought was close went completely mum after I graduated and didn't congratulate me at all - after having discussed the degree and its struggles with me for 2 years. Part of me feels like I need to rebuild my circle from scratch and maybe find people I can talk to honestly about my needs from the beginning of the friendship. But it feels so late and desolate to start this process in my mid-thirties. Everyone else has friends they grew up with and who know everything about their lives. Meanwhile, I am at the stage where I have no close friends at all anymore because my needs seem too absurd to even discuss with anyone except my partner, and if I do, I just lose friendships. I remember reading your piece on how to do social things as an autistic person last year and feeling very inspired so I thought I'd reach out to you.

This is all exceedingly, exceedingly normal, especially in the days post COVID for a variety of reasons. When I make plans with people, I assume that roughly 30-75% of the people invited are not going to show up, and I've completely made my peace with that. A friend of mine hosted a movie night a few weeks back, invited I believe around 15 people, and ultimately four showed up, many people being last-minute cancellations or total no shows.

This happens for a variety of reasons. Many people are very socially anxious and decide at the last minute they don't have it in them to show up because they're freaking out. Other people say yes when the event is days or weeks down the line, wanting in the abstract to be there, but then on the actual day of the event, practical daily life constraints are far more visible than they were when the event was just an idea, and so then they have to bail. Other people feel really bad saying no, and so they wait for the last minute to share that they can't make it. And lots of people are so bombarded with notifications on a variety of social media sites and chatting platforms that they just forget all that they've committed to. And then you add into that random illness, flat tires, crying kids, and the like, and you have a lot of reasons why people don't show up to things.

Personally, I have come to accept this. If I go into event planning assuming most people can't make it, my feelings aren't hurt. Every person who does show up is a gift. My invites are an opportunity, a true invitation, not an obligation or an expectation. I don't hurt my feelings in advance by telling myself that I need a high turnout for my birthday or that because I've worked hard making a certain dish for a party (I never actually do that admittedly lol) that a lot of people need to come and eat it.

And I invite people that I like and want to see, over and over again, because I care about them, and I want to show them that I care about them and that I understand they have other things going on and I am not offended that life got in the way for them. I want them to feel loved and included, even if they can't make it. Even the gesture of inviting a person to an event and them showing some interest is a meaningful act of maintaining social connections, for me. And so if they can't make it on the day of, that's fine by me.

I'm 35. My friends are anywhere from 21 to 60-something. People cancel events because of sick kids, broken down cars, long work weeks, depression, double-bookings, writing deadlines, social anxiety, busted ankles, not wanting to see one person they're currently having a difficult situation with, and any number of other factors. If you love people long enough, they get really complicated and their lives get really hard. I find that the most beautiful and friendship-sustaining thing one can do is to not take it personally, because you're going to need that same grace yourself plenty of times. People will drop of the map for months or years sometimes because they're going through hell, and you dont to deprive yourself of being open to reconnection when they're available again.

There's really no need to read anything into the randomness of life. This stuff will happen, so it's rational to expect it, and loving to not mind it too much.

Do you need to make some new friends? Maybe so! I have multiple different friend groups and I think that's healthy. You may find the no-shows less painful if you have more people to lean on. It's always good to form new connections, learn new things about yourself, expand your skills and understanding of the world through new information and experiences. But should you start over, and ditch your friends who are flakey? I don't think so. To be loved is to be sometimes flaked upon (and to flake). In this capitalistic, individualistic hellscape it's vitally important that we extend one another grace.

[loonarii]

the best kpop songs you've (probably) never heard

the title is there to sound good, if you are an individual with taste who happens to listen to a lot of 2nd gen and nugu 4th gen girl group music then there is a high likelihood you will know many of the songs on this list. also omfg if any of these songs are like globally known smash hits that everyone and their mother knows im sorry lol im just dumb and late to the party apparently. This will most likely become a series, so stick around for a part 2 and drop your favourite kpop deep cuts in the comments and reblogs. my june kpop monthly roundup is dropping tomorrow, so stay tuned for that too. ~ ari

(1) Someone Like U - Dalshabet

On the fateful day that spotify snuck this banger into my queue after my daily five hours of streaming SNSD music, my life was forever altered - something shifted in my cranium, the veil was pulled from over my eyes, and I was introduced to probably thee most underrated 2nd gen banger known to man. I was going to say this is one for the SNSD stans, but to be honest, this one is for the stans of good music. 'Someone Like U' is jazzy, anthemic, and quintessential kpop. And to the OG Dalshabet stans... how does it feel to know you have superior taste xx

(2) UN-NORMAL - Queenz Eye

This is such an if-you-know-you-know type of track, the few people I've talked to on discord or whatever who know of this song are obsessed - you either know it and love it or don't know of it and thus exist in the before times, because there is only before Un-Normal and after Un-Normal. I'm slowly realising that I just really love it when kpop does jazz because this is another banger along those lines. Now that I think about this kind of takes notes from AEAO, and I know for a fact you love that song, so go give this one a stream.

(3) Joker - Dalshabet

Yes, another Dalshabet song, because THEY DESERVE THEIR FLOWERS. Like 'Someone Like U', 'Joker' also has that jazz-meets-girlpop edge that we love but with a little more sass and spirited confidence. In 'Joker' the girls aren't as much calling for the attention of the audience, but implicitly demanding it. What I would've given to have been a kpop stan when dalshabet were making music. What could have been.

(4) Colors - LOONA

(this is the obligatory reminder that there is a boycott going on against LOONA content to protest Blockberry Creative's actions towards the girls - please stream LOONA music via the twelveM account or the loona podcast on spotify, and dont watch official LOONA content on youtube either. thanks xx)

This is your once a post reminder that I am in fact a die hard orbit, and this track from the '[X X]' album lingers in my playlist month after month, so I had to include it. Filled with airy vocals from the members, distorted vocaloid decorating the background of the soundscape, along with all the classic bells and whistles we know and love from this group, 'Colors' is classic, quintessential LOONA. Give her a (boycott friendly of course) stream, and experience rookie era LOONA in all their glory.

(5) Chiyu - tripleS

This song dropped only a couple of months ago with the rest of the '<ASSEMBLE24>' album, and while the tracklist as a whole was stellar, 'Chiyu' is utterly gorgeous. Ethereal and hypnotic, giving this song a listen late at night with headphones is a deeply spiritual experience. tripleS are really the ones to watch in the 5th generation, and 'Chiyu' makes that blatantly clear. You probably heard the title track 'Girls Never Die', and if you ventured into the realm of the b-sides you probably remember the upbeat anthems like '24' and 'Heart Raider', but if you let this one pass you by, I would highly recommend another listen. This is making it onto my 'best of 2024' list for sure.

[hollowsart]

I’d love to know more about your Electra, sandwoman, and lady Octopus spidersonas. They’re all so cool I can barely limit myself to three!

yes!!! okay!! lemme relay what I have:

(long post incoming!!)

All names given by The Daily Bugle, JJJ.

Lady Octopus:

There was some kind of testing for technical aids for people who have acrophobia and other issues like that that can cause problems, it was free testing, and Acedia was like.. one of the volunteers for one such device that looked more fun and enticing. and something obviously went wrong.

Actuators aren't fused to her, but they refuse to release her. there's a little special pad thingy that sticks to the back of her neck just at the base of her head, a neural reader that isn't invasive (aka, like a needle jabbed & directly tapping into her brain), and that little pad sends little signals to and from her so she can control the arms how Otto instructed when he hooked her up for a volunteer demonstration. (it went fine for a while, but then something went wrong with the actuators. Otto panicked and tried turning it off, shutting the whole thing down, but it was too late)

Luckily Spider-Hero!Beck was there to help her.

unfortunately, due to the fact the neural reading can send signals TO and from her.. the actuators latched on and can use that to hack into and control her for themselves. temporarily, but they can find power sources to keep their control going for a bit longer.

Acedia is puppeteered against her will and completely unaware of what the actuators are making her do. eventually they learn to speak through her and that becomes one heck of an experience for Otto, the creator of the actuators. on one hand he's amazed by how the coding and """"ai"""" has managed to do this remarkable feat of learning and evolving-- but on the other he is absolutely horrified by what this entails for the future and he needs to reprogram them, remove these features and prevent them from learning further and causing harm to others and especially harm to Acedia whom he is having to take care of and watch over.

Beck, the resident superhero, is helping care for her, too and bonding with Otto via helping Acedia be eventually freed from the actuators. They're all learning a lot, about each other, and about the actuators themselves. and through this learning, Acedia eventually gets the hang of it and learns to control the actuators herself.

the actuators still have control over her, but the battle is slowly becoming a losing one for the arms. Otto & Beck are slowly winning by working together!

if Otto tries to use force to remove the actuators from Acedia, like using drills or whatever to cut through the device.. it could hurt her and cause worse harm. which is why the harness with the arms stays on.

eventually, when full control over the actuators has been regained.. they can safely remove the actuators from Acedia. Finally free from the waking nightmare

Electra:

Me as Electro but my origin story is I touched a plasma ball while it was active inside a lab during a cool free tour and in my panic I instinctively and reflexively yanked my arm back, but I smashed into something else and ended up getting zapped unconscious. the plasma ball exploded in the process and didn't help with the electricity.

Can you blame me tho when it looked like this?

most realistic origin story: I did something dumb

she has "powered up" and "powered down" forms. powered down is just her looking completely normal, the neck piece to the full-body (minus the head) suit is also latched/clicked together. it helps keep her powered down and contained.

Sandwoman:

I don't actually have anything for Sand!Acedia.. (forgot to list her on the post oops) I just really liked the green sand. but I think Sand!Acedia would probably have been in the wrong place at the wrong time as a few of these sinistersona designs are in how they became what they are.

Lol I'm just really unlucky

green sand is real and very beautiful:

[mywittingislobotomy]

Genshin sagau impostor au

Rewritten Chapter 1. If you wish to read the original, it is lower in this post.

Beware, the original has grammer mistakes and some things are different.

Long ago before the beginning of time there was a small unidentifiable shape of everything existing in space.

Eventually but also never and now it was pulled appart by an unknown force.

That was when it came in existence. The first consciousness.

It pushed and pulled on matter, spreading it all around space.

However, the matter needed an outside force to keep it together. The creature created a force called "gravity" by humans.

The ball of everything saw life form. They watched and influenced the way "the laws of physics" interacted with the matter.

They felt empty.

The creature felt empty inside. They watched life evolve, not understanding why they felt so...

Alone.

The shape didn't want to be alone. They liked a new lifeform that was evolving.

They called themselves humans. How particular.

The creature took inspiration from their soft bodies that have evolved so perfectly and yet were so flawed.

It didn't change the flaws when shaping its body.

The flaws made "The Humans" Humans.

They wanted to be human. To feel human.

....

Mia was a "regular" girl.

A c section baby born in a worker class family who could provide everything she needed and have some money left over for non-necesities.

Now, she was a 17 year old who was graduating a public high school. Her grades were satisfactory and yet, instead of staying for her finals, she was playing a computer game called Genshin Impact.

Mia liked the colourful characters and the cheerful environment. Playing computer games was her way of escaping from reality.

Escaping from the dread she felt over not knowing what to do with her future. She always stayed quiet when her friends talked about what they want from the future.

How did they know? How were they so optimistic about it...?

Mia felt like she didn't belong.

Like she was a mere observer of everything.

...

Mia sighed, opening her eyes.

She was on her bed. Her laptop was in front of her with Honkai Impact booted up.

She closed Honkai Impact and opened Genshin Impact.

Her finals were tomorrow and she didn't care.

She wanted to do her daily commissions, gamble a little and then go to bed.

Mia's eyes squinted as the bright light of the loading screen.

She wished she could just...abandon her life and just... She genuinely didn't know.

Just as the geo symbol was halfway loaded in, Mia's eyes became heavier. Her eyes closed.

....

Mia gasped, forci her eyes open. She was late for her finals- the finals she wouldn't be able to graduate without-

Her hands clenched around...sand?

A/N

part [1](you are here) [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8].... there will be more in the future

Okay, I'm done with rewriting Chapter 1. I am satisfied with how It turned out. I hope I made it better than the original version I wrote.

I am unsatisfied with the original but I will keep the original version for anyone to read.

original version after the line

__________________________________________

Long, long ago before the universe existed there was a lonely girl. The only existing entity. she had shoulder length black hair with golden accents and beautiful golden eyes that shined with joy and kindness.  She was beautiful, yes but alone in the empty void the universe was. And so from a tear she shed, she created the world known as we know it.

She shaped many worlds, guided the people of the worlds and she was worshiped for her kindness. She shaped every timeline for countless of worlds and she created everything. She knew about every outcome, every possibility. But she wanted to live and she transferred her  consciousness to a human baby somewhere in time and space...

Mia was a normal girl, she had shoulder length black hair and she had hazel eyes. She went to school, she had hobbies, she spent time with her friends and she played games… what she didn’t know was that the games she played were worlds she created and she made them into what seemed simple games so she can keep an eye on them… one of the games Genshin Impact…

If she knew what would happen she wouldn't have done the same...

(this is my first post i hope it isnt bad ;-;)

[flutishly]

As the daily rewatch of NMTD gets going (avoiding the actual phrase/tag, per my previous post), I'm finding myself discovering parts of the show that I never actually knew/processed. Logically speaking, I knew that there were Tumblr accounts and I think I was even following them from some point. But I never followed them at the beginning of the show's run (I only discovered it a few episodes from now, and don't recall going back to fill in the transmedia blanks) and certainly never processed that Ursula's "Vox Pops" video was actually the first (chronologically) of the NMTD-verse.

The first episode of NMTD is naturally Beatrice's first vlog. I still find it immensely watchable and engaging. Bea is funny, approachable, and bursting with a liveliness. She feels realistically teenaged and Harriett Maire's acting makes Beatrice seem entirely real, particularly in the way she shifts between different performance styles as she introduces herself and her family. I've long adored "And So It Begins..." as an excellent example of how an episode manages to cram its background in without seeming like it's trying too hard. It's also just... enjoyable to watch, and this is again purely down to having such a charismatic lead.

If we then loop back to "VOX POPS" (don't ask me why I wrote it normally earlier but am now stylizing with caps), there's a sense that Beatrice belongs to a whole, rich world. In "VOX POPS", she's hardly the main character, which is of course the point. Watching these videos in their chronological - rather than logical - order makes the show feel a teeny bit wider from the start. But it also begs the question why Beatrice is vlogging at precisely the same time as Ursula begins uploading her "artsier" videos. This is answered to some degree in "And So It Begins...", by the fact that Bea's life has undergone major changes of late and she's figuring herself out. Would it have made some sense to have an in-story inspiration from Ursula's videos, in that first episode? Maybe! Then again, this is one of those things that necessitates some degree of suspension of disbelief, when asking why webseries characters begin (or stop) filming videos when they do.

Both of these videos are just introductions... and of course, there are several more introductions to come (not just in terms of characters, but distinct channels/styles, like the Watch videos and Ben's vlogs). NMTD is one of the best shows I've ever seen when it comes to having a full, ensemble cast, which I think is beautifully illustrated by "VOX POPS" being its "accidental" premiere. Yes, Beatrice is the show's main character (and she is, both in terms of plot-centrality and driving the presentation/performance of this story), but she never feels like a character who sits alone at the top of a pedestal while other characters revolve around her. She doesn't change based on who's filming her, but her centrality does. It's something that I still think NMTD did best out of so many webseries.

There's not much to write at this stage, given how little of the story has unfolded (and knowing just how much plot is still to come. So far, I'm mostly surprised by the transmedia (which I remember being fairly thin and far from NMTD's strength, an assessment I stand by so far... it's not bad, but it's clearly supplementary) and by the instant worldbuilding.

So it begins, indeed.

[worryingthing]

tyn 2/10

The subway was extremely messed up this morning, but because of that I was late to work (nbd, I arrive half an hour before everyone else, also I did not get this week's building code at the time, so I would have had to stand there and wait had I been on time) there was no line for a croissant from Bourke Street Bakery. They have probably the best Pain au Chocolat I've ever had (outside the ones I had in Montreal as a kid when we visited), but the regular croissant is also stellar. As a true Taurus, I can bear the miseries of overlit banal office work if I have pastry.

Because the R was running on a Saturday schedule (?????) I took the M, which means transferring at 53rd. The escalator at mid platform is broken, and I accidentally walked all the way up it last week, resulting in barely being able to breathe at the end (it's like four stories, I am old and post-covid have asthma now). So now there are hundreds of people in line for the other, working, escalator and right in between is the elevator. I have never used a subway elevator, but this is also the first time in my life experiencing a physical disability. So I squeezed into the elevator, and it was fine. I think A LOT about accessibility since joining Access Oasis, a local community garden founded by a friend that has a mission to create an accessible outdoor space. It's done wonders for me as an audhd person to find community and understanding with others who have experiences similar to my own. Also digging in dirt is just, really, really good for you! I love plants. But yes, the angriest I get is usually about how inaccessible the subway is for anyone who would require a mobility aid. It makes me so angry, and so sad, but also in the last few years both of my home stations (previously Brooklyn, now Queens) have gotten upgraded with elevators. They're in process, and it's only two sets of stairs, but it still means more life for the people who need it. Change is slow!! Every station should be ADA approved already, but it's happening.

Oh and because I took the M and transferred at 53rd, there's a corridor you pass through to get to the 6. Many days there's a man standing in there preaching about God to 100s of in transit New Yorkers who are probably, like me, thinking "fuck my life, fuck this job, fuck the MTA" while a man shouts at us to thank Jesus for our lives. BUT he was not there today, and I will take that as the win it was. Sometimes I do begrudge him that he's right I should be thankful for my life but also fuck off.

Things are really wonderful with my friendships, community, and relationship and I'm not sure I've ever experienced that or felt so at ease and comfortable. It's really wonderful.

I'm back working at the last temp gig I had. I had been looking for work the entirety of November, December, and January. It was terrible, probably the lowest I've felt since I got out of my last relationship. But now the sun is setting after 5, and being busy and tired and active is good for me. But I'm here because the person who is normally here is sick. They do not know when he's coming back, but they like me and say I do good work. I don't really want to work in an office or open/sort/send out mail for an office of 200 people. But I want a work/life balance, and I would really, really like to have health insurance. Idk, it's an upswing and I needed it and I'll take it.

PITCHERS AND CATCHERS REPORT TO SPRING TRAINING TODAY!!! T O D A Y!!! FOOTBALL IS OVER, BASEBALL IS NIGH!!!! The golden period is coming (longer light, games on most nights, listening to radio broadcasts of games, going to the Coney Island Cyclones Pride Night every summer!!) During my worst periods of deep depression/suicidal ideation I would try to keep a mental list of names to stay alive for and things to look forward to. It helps and it works, and then I started to try and think of three things I was thankful for daily and one thing I am looking forward to (usually watching movies with friends or whatever plan). Anyway I went long and it's time for lunch, and I THINK it's sunny today? Blessed.

[orphicpoieses]

Life Lately

Hey there! It’s been a while since the last time I posted something.

Life was a little bit of a rollercoaster in the last few months but more on that later. If you wonder what happened to my inbox and tags: I simply forgot.

No, seriously, I have no view over the activities on here since last year summer, I guess. So I will just drop all the asks and start new.

If you already know me: welcome back to my small blog. If you don’t know who I am:

Hi. My name is Mimi. I am an aspiring writer for (dark) fantasy series and pen and paper games. Normally, I didn’t do much besides talking about my writing, but since I shifted in my day to day life to a more and more challenging and exciting schedule, I will probably turn this blog into a life diaries or something similar.

To give you a short overview over the recent events in my life, I will briefly go over them:

I had quite a pause on Project Rosary, but started again a few weeks ago. There is not much to say about this project, besides that I somehow got to meet some of my future beta readers? I now have a list for all of those people (a total list of 5 - perhaps more). I haven’t even finished draft one… I don’t know if this is a good thing or not xD

I started programming my Discord bot again! Kupla will have even more features in the future, which are currently only accessible for my close friends (Guild ID is set to our main server), but maybe, it will be available for more people in the future.

University is going quite well. I have gained a lot of new friends over the past year. I would even go over to saying I know so many people right now that I am literally overwhelmed by it to a certain point. Nevertheless, I never want to miss any one of them. Especially that one friend I am happy to call my boyfriend 💕

To be honest with you, I started writing several life updates posts but I never posted any of them. Even though so much happened in the last year and even though I could tell you so many things about all these events (organizing a huge party, being part of an official conference, publishing my first self-designed and co-written thing, new relationships, being in an official political position at university and so on and so forth), I am not sure what to write.

I don’t know if anything of this is interesting for you, since I linger in the writeblr part of tumblr.

Nothing - at least the 95% of the long list of things - is not writing related and I haven’t got the time to actually write on my own projects, even though I set myself an unofficial deadline to be done with draft 1.

Most of my time at the moment is consumed by university work and my mental health.

The truth is: my mental health is struggling at the moment to a point where my boyfriend and I agreed on changing our both schedules around, trying to become healthier in our sleep cycle, activities and overall mindset. He is way more mentally stable than I am, which is good for someone who is constantly overthinking stuff but also sometimes very frustrating.

My goal to change my daily routine is one of the most important things at the moment and by far the most present topic in my life.

I understand that this is not the content you hoped for when you saw my blog in the first place. I mean, I am originally a writing blog and people subscribe for a reason: to see exactly the content they hope to see. But at the moment, this blog is more a personal diary, instead of a blog about my projects, doing fun stuff like tag games and shoutouts.

Yes, I still love writing. Yes, I am still going to drop content about writing in the future. But this is not the only content anymore for me.

I would go on and say “drop me in the comments if you are interested in following this new journey” but obviously I will find out over interaction and follower counts.

Perhaps, I will get active again, when I have more to tell than “yay, I worked on my project for two hours but unfortunately I cannot tell you what I exactly did because I cannot risk getting rejected by an agent because I told too much”. Because my writing project is exactly that: a secret so I have a chance to get published in Germany.

Anyway, I hope I didn’t bore you to death with my little life update or scared you away that my content will be changing if I am active again.

I hope to see you soon in either the comments, reblogs or in my inbox and I wish you a very nice day.

Group hug! 💕

Let me tag you for visibility (tell me if you don’t want that in the future!)

@thetruearchmagos @enchanted-lightning-aes @yourfriendlywriter @365runesofthesystem @midnight-and-his-melodiverse @mirrorthoughts @kaatiba

[shiftingdiet]

Why Reducing/stopping caffeine can help your dreaming/spiritual journey

Hello, my name is ShiftingDiet and I'm here today to tell you about my journey about bettering my physical health and how it has affected my dreams.

Take note I've been diagnosed with a lot of deficiencies that have many bad effects on my brain/optic nerves especially.

I'm mostly deficient in B1 B3 B9 B12 and B6

But I'll get to that in another post. Today I'm here to talk about how stopping/reducing caffeine has affected me especially

So I've always been drinking coca cola, and I read that caffeine enhances the acetylcholine neurotransmitters, but you can build a bad tolerance to it, meaning that caffeine doesn't do anything to you anymore, that's why you might feel tired after drinking your usual coffee, energy drink or soda, it's because the caffeine isn't doing anything to you anymore...

I used to drink ~90cl a day so basically 90mg of caffeine a day.... I switched to Coca Cola Zero Zero (yes that's a thing..) without sugar and without caffeine....and okay, here's my report;

So I didn't feel much on my first day, lately I've been doing only 20cl of normal cola and the rest are no caffeine at all

I've been feeling very tired, irritated, and just drowsy all the time. Those are symptoms of withdrawal, they usually last 48 hours, but can last until two weeks for those who take more.

400mg is the maximal dosage for an adult daily, over that, it is dangerous for your kidneys and health overall, so I was far from that

Here comes the benefits, I fall asleep easily, and my thoughts aren't racing in my brain anymore.

For dreams? Well. I get lucid dreams randomly now without waking up beforehand. This week I've had 4-5 lucid dreams without doing anything? So I definitely concluded it's from that.

Take notes, also, that I'm already experienced in lucid dreams, I'd mostly use WILD and DILD. But I decided to take a break and my dreams came back naturally with no effort... So I thought I'd write about it

Here are some details about what caffeine does to you :

When consumed, caffeine blocks the action of adenosine, a chemical in your brain that promotes sleep and relaxation. Caffeine also increases the activity of the neurotransmitters dopamine and adrenaline, which can improve your mood, alertness, and cognitive performance. Unsurprisingly, these changes make you feel more awake and less likely to fall asleep.

The effects of caffeine can vary depending on the individual and can take up to 45 minutes to take effect and can last up to six hours.

In healthy people, caffeine has a half life of about 5 hours, however it can vary from 2-8 hours depending on your genetics, lifestyle and if you take certain medications.

For an average healthy person, consuming 200 mg of caffeine at 12 pm will mean they’ll still have around 100 mg in their system at 5 pm and 50 mg in their system at 10 pm, which for some people is enough to negatively impact their sleep.

There is evidence to suggest that fast metabolisers don’t experience reductions in sleep quality or duration when consuming caffeine close to bedtime. However, if you know that’s not the case for you, it’s important not to consume caffeine within 6 hours of your bedtime, to allow enough time for the effects to wear off before trying to sleep.

The latest time you can take caffeine will vary depending on if you’re a slow or fast metabolizer. Slower metabolizers should not consume their last caffeine dose within 10 hours of their bedtime.

https://caffeinebullet.com/blogs/all/how-to-reduce-caffeines-effect-on-sleep

[nutria--oscura]

Y'ALL HAVE ME SO SCARED FOR THIS (@cookies-over-yonder @officialgleamstar y'all's posts have slain me) HERE WE GO

like, i'm crting and i haven't even stareted the ep yet wtf-

~spoilers for S2 ep35 under the cut~

preface: I AM SCARED I AM CLUTCHING NICK JR (mouse/rat soft toy) ON THE VERGE OF TEARS

THE PASTA PUNS IN THE INTRO

the sound effects low-key make me wanna throw up-

update: the sound effects make me high-key wanna throw up-

the intro is the high before the storm right? oh dear~

yesss, link is a spouse to his best friends <3

gosh I missed their voices so much <333 <- literally have 100+ episodes it can listen to whenever they want

freddie correcting beth's fact is literally my best friend and i on a daily basis (whos who? we take turns)

i could listen to an entire podcast of just freddie saying facts. like genuinly

HERMIE FACT??? SCAM CONJURED HIM INTO EXISTENCE AS A HIGHSCHOOLER??? MY POOR BOI-

TJ SHOT NICK'S ARM OFF WHAAAAAAA-

TERRY :) WHAT:)?

"your time studying the blade has served you well" what is hapening?

whAT IS HAPPENING????

Terry Jr's back <333

"i did not think that's how this fight was gonna go" same will- same

hey imps? what the fu-

NORMAL'S BACK BOIIIIIIII

ROLL ROLL ROLL ROLL NAT 1 HAH

SCARY AND TERRY JR <3

MEMORY TIME OH DEARRR

"in going from enemies to lovers so to speak"

all the fanfics were right- (nicky's reasoning, him attempting to reason with the others)

ron and nicky are such a vibe together honestly

OH NO- NICKY WAS SO REASONABLE TOO AND YET-

LARK AND SPARROW WITH CROSSBOWS TERRY WITH A SHOTGUN WHERE'S GRANT???

"and a badass fight ensues, but also sad"

oh there's grant

OH WE GOT THE WHOLE ASS SCENE OH SHIT-

TERRY SHOT NICKY, NICKY STABBED TERRY-

TERRY JR AND RON <33

terry's memory being ron forgiving him- (henry voice) oh gosh. oh geez-

"did you see what i did to like, my best friend" BEST F R I E N D

"you showed up, y'know?" what if i just combust?

Scary hugging Terry<333

THEY'RE ALL HUGGING

oh my heart

hey glenn, respectfully, fuck offffff

nicky having more emotional intelligence than glenn is so true-

OH HERE COMES THE GLENN AND NICKY AND TAYLOR SHIT-

"i have a memory that you weren't around for. which was the birth of your grandson" AHHHHHHH

"i always thought taylor came out real quiet. like a real stoic ninja." "nope. came out crying like a baby dude"

glenn... glENN. GLENN! NO. NOT INFRONT OF YOUR 3 DAY OLD GRANDSON

THE FANFICTIONS WERE SO RIGHT- (GLENN IN NICKY'S LIFE BEFORE THE FAITHFULL SOCCER TRIP)

brb cause im like actually crying cause of that scene-

ok... lets go... (screaming crying sobbing sliding down a wall)

JODIE VISITEDDDD

FUCKING TELL HIM NICKYYYY FUCKING TELL HIMMMM

"i remember when... was that you? yea, i remember when you were born." WHAT DO YOU MEAN WAS THAT YOU???? THAT WAS YOUR FUCKING SON

YES GLENN. REFLECT BITCH-

"i didn't see a lot of taylor's growing up, and that was- that was- we're cool now, right taylor?" "fuck yea dawgggg. well-" HERE IT COMES

I AM HEEDING THE WARNINGS

"if i'm gonna be honest dad, i've kinda been hoping and keeping an eye out for time travel magic so that we could go back in time and you could be there for me" imma go ahead an roll a d20 of psychic damage- ah, a nat20 damage, yea that seems about righ- HIS VOICE HOW IT WENT ALL SOFT AND QUIET AND SHY AND THE COMPLETE FUCKING OPPOSITE OF HOW HE IS USUALLY OH SHIT OH FUCK

NICKY ROLL PSYCHIC DAMAGE BOI-

"as a result i have developed a number of very bad habits, that i am told are very hard to break"

"it's too late"

"but you know if there is time travel magic, then y'know maybe- or if you find it, you can maybe, pick me up on the way back to the past" HIS VOICE, THE MAYBES-

"we're just 3 cool guys" "well-"

"i didn't even know where you were"

I'M SORRY- THREE (3) YEARS????

NICKY NO- DON'T-

more memories??? MORE MEMORIES??? OH NO-

OUCH OUCH OUCH O U C H-

HE'S DONE WITH KARATE- NO- NO NO NO N O

FUCKING HELL FUCK ME-

sorry, i have strong feeling w/ regards to parents not showing up to (sprots) stuff

~a pattern~

YES LINK, STARE DAGGERS INTO HIM, DEFEND YOUR QPR BESTIE

the- the fanfics were right (glenn keeping his distance not wanting to fuck nicky up but consequentially fucking nicky up)

"as you're saying this, without even wanting it to, tears are rolling down your cheeks. And in that moment, you and Taylor and Nick, all realise that there is no fixing this, that this is as good as it's going to get. That you are stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddymagic, that same daddymagic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate for their bodies like a fine mist coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more, cause that's what your relationship is..." what if i- what if i lost it? right here right now?

gosh i DID NOT heed the warnings oh noooooooo

i'm sorry- the US MILITARY? oh fbi too

hahahahahahahah ha hah h a what? JODIE AND MORGAN ARE IN CUFFS-

GLENN LISTEN TO JODIE FFS

"i'd like to see you try" "hey is glenn immune to bullets?"

LINK KING OF HELLL HEYYYYYYYYYY-

NORMAL NO. BESTIE I LOVE YOU HECK I AM YOU BUT FUCK NO-

"dude- both of us look at each other - fear, fear in taylor's eyes. like, what the fuck are we getting into? why did i open my mouth?" FEAR IN TAYLOR'S EYES??? FEAR????

I'M SORRY? THE CAGE????

FIGHT TO THE DEATH??? NOOOOOOOOOOO

In conclusion:

I am now obsessed with Taylor Swift (Freddie's version)

[aestheticvoyage2024]

Day 253: Monday September 9, 2024 - "Well Loved"

Todays post contributed by Audrie and post-marriage-therapy reflections:

Life has been pretty sweet lately. Peaceful. Calm. Easy. These last several weeks we’ve had the same ebb and flow of the daily to-do tasks loads which are as normally strenuous but the climate in our home and the space between us is cooler; Like we have come through the sweltering oppressive summer scorch and woken up to take in that first taste of crisp air on an almost autumn morning. The sweetness here today is palatable.  And this reprieve is well earned. Loads of time, energy, and no shortage of effort put in together have started to yield some fruitful crop. Today we came back to the table with Terre, our coach on the sideline for this game of co-transformation Jake and I have been playing in. We fired our last therapist sometime back in April, and then redrew some objectives and priorities and did a recruitment. No regrets at all hiring this new more expensive coach, because the results are really starting to show up. And as Terre has continued  to phrase it, we’ve done a much better job keeping the ball in the air. Incredible what a difference some simple tweaks and adjustments in perspective can do for two people who love and are also willing to learn. 

Today Jake asked me for some quick eggs / something to eat, and I happily obliged. Whipping out some fried eggs over Myron, a little bacon stacked on a tortilla sprinkled with some cheese and a few dashes of hot sauce. And despite the Pepper, salt, savory butter and spice the food around here is tasting sweeter. And my heart, mind body and soul are grateful for that — For the easiness in the calm, for the love inside the peace, and for the hopeful beauty we are casting out into the future. 

Song: Lyle Lovett - Nobody Knows Me

Quote: “And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good." ~John Steinbeck

"A man who writes a story is forced to put into it the best of his knowledge and the best of his feeling.

The discipline of the written word punishes both stupidity and dishonesty. A writer lives in awe of words for they can be cruel or kind, and they can change their meanings right in front of you. They pick up flavors and odors like butter in a refrigerator. Of course, there are dishonest writers who go on for a little while, but not for long—not for long.

A writer out of loneliness is trying to communicate like a distant star sending signals. He isn’t telling or teaching or ordering. Rather he seeks to establish a relationship of meaning, of feeling, of observing. We are lonesome animals. We spend all life trying to be less lonesome. One of our ancient methods is to tell a story begging the listener to say—and to feel— “Yes, that’s the way it is, or at least that’s the way I feel it. You’re not as alone as you thought.” Of course a writer rearranges life, shortens time intervals, sharpens events, and devises beginnings, middles and ends. We do have curtains—in a day, morning, noon and night, in a man, birth, growth and death.

These are curtain rise and curtain fall, but the story goes on and nothing finishes.

To finish is sadness to a writer—a little death. He puts the last word down and it is done. But it isn’t really done. The story goes on and leaves the writer behind, for no story is ever done."

~John Steinbeck