#also who the fuck did i think i was for choosing to start with a quilt with hexagons i have no business fucking with 60 degree angles yet

[hueseok]

it was always you (from the vault)

originally titled: take my breath away.

a.k.a. the original draft for my “it was always you” fic wherein naval aviator!jungkook is your cocky soon-to-be-ex-husband who won’t sign your divorce papers because he’s still in love with you lol.

pairing: jungkook x reader

word count: 4.5k

content: fluff, semi-angst, exes to ??? | ft. naval aviator!jungkook + husband!jungkook

warning: what you’re about to read (if you do choose to read this) is an unfinished work which perhaps will forever be unfinished.

the only reason i’m posting it because i feel like it’d be a waste to let it rot in my drafts considering that i really liked how it went until the moment i stopped writing hehehehe. i’ve also thought about continuing this story but since i already have an existing naval aviator!jungkook in my masterlist, i felt like it’d be redundant to post this!

anyhow, since a lot of you showed so much love to “it was always you”, i thought it’d be nice to share this 🥹

You really hoped that flying for almost three hours and experiencing horrid turbulence during half of the trip was going to be worth it. But again, that was only the first part of the whole charade; the real challenge would begin perhaps much later, when you finally come face to face with the person that you were scheduled to meet.

As you walked inside the bar, the nerves that previously weren’t there started to crawl from your chest to your legs, making it harder to reach the counter where a vacant bar stool stood. You didn’t even know why you were suddenly nervous—although you could only guess that the sudden burst of anxiety was rooted from talking again to the most stubborn man ever to walk on earth—and you were already preparing yourself for the long conversation you were going to have with him and possibly the extended leave you’ll have to inform your boss for this trip because of his infamous stubbornness.

“____?” a familiar voice abruptly called out for you after you finished ordering a mug of beer from the barmaid, “no fucking way. It can’t be.”

You turned to your left and saw Jung Hoseok.

Spoiler: he wasn’t the person you were going to meet today, which made seeing him such a delight. You grinned immediately upon making eye contact, hopping out of your chair and exclaiming his name with the same enthusiasm he let out when he did realize it was you who he was looking at.

“Holy shit. What are you doing here?” He automatically engulfed you in a tight embrace when you initiated. You noticed that he was wearing an off duty attire, a plain black polo shirt and blue jeans, his hair kept neat and short. “Actually, scratch that—there’s only one person you should be here for.”

You bothered to smile. “Yeah. I’m guessing he didn’t tell anyone I’m visiting, huh?”

“Nope. He 100% kept it a secret because he knows that we’re going to steal you away if he spills.”

“We?” you mused. You didn’t even know that he was training with Hoseok, and now you’re discovering that Hoseok’s apparently not the only friend he has here. “How many of you that I know are training with him?”

Hoseok takes a short pause to think about it. “Hm… well, there’s me, then Yoongi and… Namjoon. That’s just about it.”

“Wow. It’s essentially the whole group again, huh?”

“Yup. I mean, we are the best of the best.” He smirked.

You playfully rolled your eyes.

“And we’ve missed you,” he added swiftly. “I’m a bit mad that your husband didn’t inform us that you’d be here—but again, I’m not surprised.”

“Sorry. I think I have myself to blame for that. I did tell him that I don’t intend to stay here for too long.”

“Why not?”

“I’m just here to make sure he signs the divorce papers.”

Hoseok nodded, thoughtful and a bit disappointed. “Is he giving you a hard time with them?”

“You can say that.” A dramatic sigh escaped you. “He insisted that if I really wanted to get his signature, I should just go here where he’s training.”

“Classic Jungkook.” He laughed, and you agreed with a snort.

He was right, this was all a Classic Jungkook move. 

Sometimes, you didn’t understand why you agreed to marry Jungkook so urgently when he asked for your hand, even after knowing that he did everything he could to ensure that he got what he wanted in the end.

Though that was just that thing, wasn’t it? He knew exactly what to do in order to get what he wanted—and at that time of his proposal, you knew it was you that he sought for.

Despite the fact that Jungkook had only been seeing you for less than a year, he was convinced that you were the love of his life. It was the reason why when he needed to be deployed for a mission, it seemed proposing was the most natural thing to do, going on about how he wanted to be reassured that when he came back for you, you were going to be there waiting for him, not only as a girlfriend, but as his wife.

And you said yes, without missing a beat, because you genuinely loved Jungkook and for you, the both of you were a match made in heaven.

By the two year mark of being a wedded couple though, just being in love with each other wasn’t enough. There were a lot of arguments, irreconcilable differences, a lot of moments wherein you wanted to abandon everything and just disappear—until you finally declared that enough was enough and you were going to file for divorce.

Of course, Jungkook didn’t want to sign them, but he did grant you a little bit of your freedom back. He did so by leaving your shared apartment on a random Thursday, only sending a text that said he was being called by the Navy for a mission he couldn’t disclose per usual, and that if you really wanted to divorce him, you’d just have to wait for him to go back.

He never returned though. Because after that mission, came a next one, and another one, until you heard that he was invited to a naval fighter weapons school in the northern part of the country, close to the seas and where he’ll be training for a few weeks among the best naval aviators in the nation. 

That’s when he decided to invite you over and say that if you wanted his signature, you’d have to be the one who’ll go to him. You initially contemplated for a long time before just going forth with his ridiculous demand. Nonetheless, you figured you were once again left with no choice because here you were now, doing exactly what he wanted to get what you exactly wanted as well.

God, who knew that contrary to how easy it was to enter this marriage, it was an absolute pain to get out of it?

“Do you know where he might be?” you asked Hoseok while taking a sip of your beer. “Or if he’s going here at least?”

“I have no clue,” Hoseok said. “Though I do know that he should have free time. We don’t have training for the rest of the day.”

“I’ll be seriously pissed if he stands me up.”

“He won’t.”

“It’s Jungkook.”

“Yeah, but you’re ____,” he said it like it was reason enough, “and Jungkook can’t resist seeing you. Especially if it’s been what? How many months have passed since you two saw each other?”

You held up six fingers, continuing to gulp down your drink in frustration. “Still, he loves to annoy the shit out of me.”

“It’s his love language.”

“Oh, I’ve been made very aware.”

Hoseok barked out a laugh. He was a huge fan of your dynamic with Jungkook; he was practically there throughout the whole journey of your relationship. As Jungkook’s weapon systems officer, the both of them were thick as thieves, which also made him the best man of the wedding—so deep inside, he wanted to believe that whatever it was that you and Jungkook were dealing with, it would be resolved soon enough.

“Well, it looks like you don’t have to wait for too long.” Hoseok toasted his glass to the direction of the entrance where the Jeon Jungkook entered, removing his aviator sunglasses and hooking it on the collar of his white shirt, worn inside a dark blue long-sleeved polo he was sporting as well.

You followed his line of vision and scowled at the sight of Jungkook. Not because you hated your husband, but because even when in the middle of finalizing a divorce, you couldn’t deny that he was too handsome for his own good.

“I think this is my cue to leave,” Hoseok added, getting off his seat. “It was nice seeing you again, ___. Let’s catch up later, yeah? I’ll conspire with Joon and Yoongi to steal you away.” He smiled mischievously and gave you a sweet chaste kiss on the cheek before walking over to Jungkook, greeting him, pointing to where you were, and then walking to another table where you guessed a bunch of other naval aviators were hanging out.

A sigh escaped you, just in time when Jungkook met your gaze.

He grinned—actually grinned—and you had to prevent your eyes from twitching to not look like some crazy person who didn’t have any self-control. So, instead of plastering the same scowl a few seconds ago for him to see, you flashed a sarcastic smile, waving your hand.

“There’s my beautiful wife,” Jungkook claimed when he was close enough, marching towards you, appearing like he was going to go for a kiss but before he could, you outstretched an arm and stopped him by literally wrapping your fingers around his neck as if you were planning to choke him to death with the gesture (which you were tempted to do).

He rolled his eyes, holding your wrist and bringing it down.

“Can’t I give you a kiss?” he retorted.

“No.”

“And Hoseok can?”

“Hoseok’s my friend.”

“I’m your husband.”

“Ex-husband.”

“Wrong. I haven’t signed any divorce papers, honey, so in the eyes of the law, I’m still very much your husband.” He quickly stole a kiss on the corner of your mouth and you allowed yourself to grimace in annoyance, glaring at him as he took Hoseok’s previous seat.

You watched him order a drink for himself and nachos for sharing. You didn’t say anything while he did all that; you just stared at him, analyzing him, trying to decipher what was going on in that head of his. You honestly had no clue what his thought process was in depriving you of the signature you wanted and then randomly agreeing to meet you again, accompanied with the condition that you’re the one who has to go to him and not the other way around.

As he reasoned, he was still in the middle of training, and he couldn’t just leave even if he wanted to and that’s why you had to make the effort to make this work (he made it clear that he didn’t want to make the effort anyway if it meant it could lead to his and yours divorce).

“How are you?” he asked once he was done ordering and you scoffed.

“Let’s not do that, Jungkook.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me that I’m not allowed to know how you’re doing too.”

“I meant the small talk. Let’s just cut to the chase.”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“Jungkook.”

“Alright.” He placed an arm against the counter, spinning his stool to face you. “You already know where I stand, though. I still haven’t changed my mind in wanting to work it out first.”

“What? But you told me that if I went here—”

“I would talk to you, not sign the papers,” he finished. “You didn’t really think I’d sign them just like that, right?”

Your stomach dropped.

There goes assuming that the three-hour flight to go here would be worth it.

“I did, actually.” You grumbled. “When are you giving this a rest?”

He seemed annoyed by the rhetoric question. “When are you going to stop thinking that divorce is the answer to our problem?”

“We already did couple’s therapy and that proved to be a waste of time.”

“That’s because you were stubborn and wouldn’t cooperate.”

“Oh, I’m the one who’s stubborn between the both of us? I’m the one who wouldn’t cooperate?”

“Yes.”

“No, I’m not!” You raised your hands up. “You were the one who always said some lame excuse to not attend it with me.”

“Babe, how many times do I have to tell you, my schedule isn’t—”

“Yeah, whatever.” You didn’t let him finish, knowing that he was going to say something about how being in the Navy didn’t grant him the free time you were expecting him to have.

“I’m just saying… you can’t keep on doing this, you know?” you said.

“Can’t keep doing what?”

“Prolonging this. We already broke up, Jungkook. There’s not point in staying married.”

“That’s the thing, though.” He smirked. “I can keep prolonging it.”

Your nostrils flared. “Why?”

“Because I can.”

You think flashes of red were beginning to blur your vision.

Jungkook noticed the rage building up, yet he didn’t back down. “Why are you even so eager to legally separate? Do you plan on getting married again soon?” he asked.

It was supposed to be a joke, because Jungkook didn’t actually think you were seeing anyone at the moment—but at the mention of it, he saw the manner in which your expression slightly shifted, and he narrowed his eyes at you, understanding. “Don’t bullshit me. You aren’t seeing anyone, right?”

You blinked, acting all innocent. “It’s none of your business.”

“It is. You’re still married to me.”

“We’ve broken up for almost a year now, Jungkook.” You groaned, remaining him once again. “If you just signed the goddamn papers, all of this would be out of your hands.”

He scoffed. “You are seeing someone?”

“That is not the point of our conversation.”

“Well, it’s a significant aspect of it.”

“Fine.” You huffed. “I am seeing someone. Happy?”

Jungkook was in fact not happy. He was angry, but then he thought of how he shouldn’t be, because you and him have broken up for almost a year now like you said. Even though he wasn’t in support of that notion, he remembered at least granting you enough freedom to feel like you could date around without thinking about how you were technically cheating on him if ever you did. 

However, he didn’t really think you would find someone. Sure, you were beautiful, you had an amazing personality, there was no question when it came to you attracting men, yet you could be picky most of the time. It was even a miracle how he managed to bag you; though he guessed that he didn’t really have to try that hard in the first place before because the two of you just had so much in common for you to ignore.

“What’s his name?” he asked after a long silence.

You crossed your arms. “Do you have to know?”

“Yes.”

“Fine.” You adjusted yourself in your seat. “It’s Ben.”

Jungkook thought the name sounded stupid. “How long have you been dating him?”

You hesitated, already predicting how he was going to react that you almost exaggerated the answer, but decided against it last minute. “Five weeks.”

He suddenly burst out laughing, the sound echoing inside the bar; it was the exact type of response you were positive he was going to do, proof that you knew him too well and that you shouldn’t have changed your pretense in the first place.

“It’s not funny,” you hissed, noticing that a lot of people were glancing at where you were both situated. “What the hell is funny about what I said?”

“You want to divorce me for a guy you’ve been dating for five weeks?” He carried on snickering; he barely got the whole sentence out because he was too busy catching his breath.

“Of course not! I would just prefer it if I don’t have any baggage left before attempting to commit to another relationship.”

The barmaid came back with Jungkook’s beer and nachos. He thanked her and slid the basket of cheesy nachos to your direction, an offer that you could get a piece if you wanted. However you were neither hungry nor interested in getting anything from him that would elicit a thank you from you, too prideful at this point due to how annoying he was being.

“What does he do for a living?” he asked next.

“I’m not telling you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re going to make fun of it.”

“Is it worth making fun of?”

“No.”

“Then just tell me.” He threw a chip inside his mouth. 

You pressed your lips together. “He’s a bank clerk.”

Jungkook didn’t laugh this time, but the corners of his mouth were twitching as he grinned, and you found yourself refraining from wanting to strangle him again, questioning why you thought it was a good idea to come here since it was obvious that talking to him properly was an impossible task.

“You’re dating a bank clerk?” he posed the question like it was the most preposterous thing he had heard from you today. “What the hell do the both of you have in common?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll have you know that Ben is a very nice guy.”

“That’s what ladies say when a man is horrible in bed.”

“That’s not true.”

“Is he good then?”

“That’s none of your business, Jungkook,” you uttered once more, teeth gritting. “Besides, it’s only been five weeks.”

He smirked. “That’s a no then. It seems that you haven’t slept with him,” he said. “Makes sense. I mean, if you have already slept with another guy, you might be already begging me to get back together. Given that I’m the best sex you’ve ever had.”

You stared at him in disbelief. “How the fuck are you always so arrogant?”

“It comes with the praise I usually get during my escapades, babe.” Jungkook winked at you, hand reaching out for another nacho.

“Oh, so I’m assuming you do have sex with other people now. You know, if you’ve just divorced me, you can go live your happy single life again to go to that without any worries.”

“I don’t sleep with other people—”

“But you just said—”

“I meant before I met you.” He pointed out, giving you a look. “Why are you even thinking about that? Are you jealous?”

“God, you’re fucking impossible.” You practically growled. 

He flashed you another smirk, amused.

“Anyhow,” you began, bringing out the divorce papers from your bag that you should have given him the second you saw him, but as what you think was part of his plan, he did manage to stall you in doing so, “here’s the papers.” You shoved it to his chest, rendering Jungkook no choice but to grab it.

He glanced down at them. “You’re never going to stop until I sign these, huh?”

You nodded. “Never.”

“Fine.” Jungkook flickered his gaze on you. “I’ll sign them.”

You glared at him. “Be serious.”

“I am serious.”

“Are you?”

You were still suspicious, but at the same time, you had high hopes.

“Yes. But I need to meet Ben the bank clerk first.”

Your spirits dropped. “Oh, no, no, no,” you made a huge cross sign with your arms, “you are not giving me another condition just to go against your word in the end.”

“I won’t this time.”

“Yeah, right.” You scoffed loudly.

It was his turn to narrow his eyes at you. “I’m serious. You want my signature or not?”

You bit the insides of your cheeks, gazing at him.

You were no fool, you knew why he wanted to meet him; you knew that it was because he wanted to see it for himself if the guy you replaced him for was actually more good looking than him or at least appeared as if he could survive a fistfight if Jungkook prompted to start one. It was all testosterone and ego, and you contemplated cutting his balls just to get this over with once and for all.

Surely, by then, he would be more agreeable.

“Fine,” you told him. “If you meet him, you’ll sign the papers? Promise?”

He took a sip of his beer, shrugging. “Sure.”

***

Jungkook watched the scene unfold in front of him with an amused expression.

Although he did admit it once that he did get a bit jealous whenever you gave the other guys more attention than him, he loved his best pals too much to care.

It was why he allowed instances like this to happen wherein you made it apparent that you valued their company much more than you did Jungkook. It was evident in the manner in which you laughed loudly as Hoseok, Yoongi, and Namjoon hugged you, each one of them taking turns in lifting your body off the ground a few seconds in glee.

You were seen as a beloved sister to them as they saw Jungkook as a cherished brother in the Navy.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Jungkook reckoned after five seconds.

Namjoon glanced at him, the last one to embrace you. “Jealous?” he teased, reading his mind.

“I am, actually.” Jungkook affirmed. “You three got a better greeting than I did.”

You rolled your eyes at the pettiness of his comment. “That’s because there’s nothing good about seeing you again, Jungkook.”

Jungkook glanced at you. “You wound me, babe.” He placed a dramatic hand on his chest. “Truly, you do.”

The guys stifled a laugh.

Today’s agenda was supposed to be a catch up session with the three guys. News spread quickly yesterday that you were in town thanks to Hoseok, and given that the three of them were good friends of yours, you didn’t decline the offer when Jungkook informed you that they wanted to meet you while you were here.

So, as the next day came in and the evening rolled, they met up with you at the same resto-bar Hoseok found you in. It did seem like the only venue that was both near enough from the academy and the hotel you were staying at that offered adequate food. You observed that the occupants of the place were composed primarily of people wearing naval aviator uniforms or motorcyclists stopping by before going forth with their ride.

“So,” Yoongi began just as Jungkook headed to the counter, volunteering to relay all of your orders to the barmaid, “we heard from a little birdie that you’re seeing someone else.”

You gave him a look. “Still a big gossip, I see.”

“Oh, it’s not counted as gossip if it’s what Jungkook’s been complaining about the whole time at the showers,” Namjoon humored.

Hoseok agreed with a nod. “It’s what he’s been nonstop yapping about earlier when we were flying,” he said. “Seriously, ____. Release the boy from misery and just get back together.”

They watched you grimace. “You all know my relationship with Jungkook has been long complicated for it to be as easy as that.”

“Did he cheat on you?” Namjoon asked.

“No, of course not.” You scoffed. “He’s an annoying shit for the most part but he’s not a cheater.”

He physically relaxed at the confirmation. “Good, because I don’t think I can beat him in a fistfight.”

Yoongi chuckled. “What’s the matter then? You still haven’t spared us any details on why you’re so keen to divorce him.”

“There’s no particular reason,” you sighed with a throw of your hand. “It’s just a compilation of the small things. He’s away most of the time, I’m away most of the time when he’s available—we fight a lot, argue a lot, it just doesn’t seem to be worth fighting for anymore.”

“So, you don’t love him anymore?”

“I…” you trailed, abruptly feeling like you were being interrogated, “I mean, love doesn’t go away easily. And it hasn’t been that long since we called it quits.”

The three men shared a look among themselves.

You straighten your posture. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What does?” Hoseok queried.

“That look you guys just gave each other. I don’t like it.”

“That’s just their faces, babe,” Jungkook reappeared, taking the liberty to take the seat on your right. “What are you fellas talking about?” he asked his buddies.

They didn’t dare utter a word. You were under the impression that they had an understanding between them that talking about your relationship right in Jungkook’s face was something one should not ought to do.

You, on the other hand, took it as your cue to speak, starting another topic to hopefully erase the previous one. “Ben said he can come. He’s boarding tonight,” you told Jungkook as he’s sipping from his glass of service water.

“That’s good.” He didn’t look as interested as he was yesterday.

“Who’s Ben?” It was Hoseok again.

“The bank clerk,” Jungkook answered.

“The new guy you’re seeing?” Yoongi asked you.

“Yep,” you said before turning to Jungkook. “And can you please refer to him by his name? He’s not just a bank clerk.”

“Is he a boring bank clerk?” Jungkook asked, that teasing smirk flashing on his mouth.

“Will he be here tomorrow?” Namjoon chimed in.

You nodded. “Hopefully.”

“Great,” Jungkook placed his glass down on the table. “It’ll be enough time to get to know him.”

He said ‘enough time’ like his time was limited because it really was. He informed you before you parted ways yesterday that he was graduating from the academy this Friday, and that after that, he was almost 100% sure he was going to be deployed again with some of his classmates for a mission that you wouldn’t be allowed to know the details of. 

Your stomach somersaulted when he told you that.

Somehow, despite convincing yourself that you no longer cared for Jungkook, the thought of his life being put at risk again once he was back on the field made you want to vomit in anxiety. It reminded you that his very dangerous occupation was one of the root causes of your separation, for there were months wherein you couldn’t take the fear of waiting in uncertainty on whether he was going to come home to you or not, regardless of how he promised he would every single time.

It was funny, you thought. One of your similarities with your husband was that the both of you were adrenaline junkies. You and him bonded over extreme rides in amusement parks, activities that got your heart pumping and gave you the sensation of being on top of the world—and yet it was the reason why you didn’t want to be with him anymore as well, too scared to continue loving him if he always sought for adventure and danger through being a naval aviator.

“You knew what you were signing up for, ____,” he told you during one of your many arguments. “You entered this relationship knowing the nature of my job. You can’t expect to adjust for you when it comes to—”

“I’m not expecting you to adjust for me, Kook,” you replied in exasperation, practically begging him to listen to you with an open mind at that point. “God, I just want you to consider me. I just want to feel that for once, you actually remember that someone’s always waiting for you to come home.”

Whenever conversations like that popped back inside your memory, you forced yourself to push it away. It wasn’t an experience you wanted to relive. You’ve spent far too many nights just crying because of how it felt like to be in a constant state of worry for the person you found yourself loving the most.

“We can all meet him, right?” asked Hoseok, looking at the other guys for back up. 

You surveyed them, raising your eyebrows before saying your answer.

“Like the hell you would.”

[ilovedinodino]

player 066

synopsis: Haechan came to earn money from some strange games and didn't expect to see you, his ex.

paring: player!haechan x player!reader

warnings: blood, fights, literally the same thing that happens in the squid game happens here

wc: 5259

Who haven’t seen season 2 don’t read it!

Haechan didn’t expect this. He didn’t expect some childish games to involve death for losing. After the first game, he was horrified and wanted nothing more than to go home, back to his friends and family. He was certain that during the vote, everyone would choose X—but how wrong he was.

Haechan glanced up at the scoreboard, silently praying that the remaining players would come to their senses and choose to leave this wretched place. He wanted to scream.

“Player 012.”

Haechan turned toward the crowd, and his breath caught.

“Y/N?..”

The boy froze in shock, unable to believe his eyes as he watched you stand there, hesitating over which button to press.

Haechan’s mind raced. Why is this so hard for you to decide? Weren’t you terrified after everything you’ve seen? And why the fuck are you here?

*Ding.*

The blue light flashed, and Team O erupted in cheers, celebrating loudly.

You had chosen O.

—

After the vote, they started handing out food. By the way, four people voted after you, and two of them chose O, which meant you weren’t allowed to leave and should to play next game. Haechan was upset and still couldn’t understand what you were doing here. He wanted to find you, but he lost you in the sea of green uniforms.

Grabbing his food, Haechan began walking toward one of the bunks. Then he stopped. You were sitting on one of the beds, quietly eating.

God, you were beautiful. You had always been beautiful, but Haechan hadn’t seen you in five months, and in that moment, he thought you’d become even more radiant.

Without hesitation, he quickly walked over to you.

You were eating peacefully when you suddenly felt someone standing in front of you. Slowly, you lifted your head, ready to say something to the stranger with number 066, but then you saw him.

Lee Haechan.

The same guy you had broken up with and still couldn’t come to terms with. For half a year, you had tried to forget him, but nothing worked. You thought of him every night in your dreams, before falling asleep, and even in the mornings. Constantly. And now, here he was, standing in this strange place, wearing a strange green uniform, right in front of you.

“Y/N,” he said softly.

“Haechan,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.

“What are you doing here?”

You flinched at the question. What were you doing here? You didn’t even know yourself. You had wanted to escape somewhere far away from everything, and this seemed like a perfect solution—earning some money along the way didn’t hurt either.

“I came to win money, just like you. Is that not allowed?” you said, your tone cold.

Haechan’s expression softened, his heart sinking at your distant words. Still, he sat down next to you while you shot him a wary look.

“Do you need money?” he asked gently.

"I need to pay for my studies."

"You could have asked me."

"You?" You laugh. "You’re here because you don’t have money yourself, and you’re telling me I should’ve asked you? Besides, don’t you think it’s strange to ask for money from your ex—someone you haven’t talked to or seen in six months?"

Haechan falls silent. Technically, you were right. But he wasn’t completely broke—he could’ve helped you if you had asked. He was here to earn more money for his dreams, so he wouldn’t have to take out extra loans. And you were also right about the part with the ex, but Haechan didn’t want to dwell on that. It hurt too much.

"Why did you vote to keep playing? Did that old man convince you?"

You smirk and poke at the rice with your spoon.

"I didn’t want to go home, and the prize money was too small."

"20 million won is too small?!" Haechan stares at you in disbelief. "Aren’t you afraid you might die?"

"I’m not," you reply, avoiding his gaze, while he keeps looking at you intently.

"From now on, I’ll stay with you."

"What?" You lift your head in surprise, finally looking him in the eye.

"From this moment on..." Haechan’s eyes lock with yours. "...I’ll be with you," he says, a soft smile spreading across his face.

"I ran away from everyone to end up with you following me around? No, Haechan, I don’t need this." You start to get up, setting your meal aside, but Haechan grabs your wrist and stands with you.

"Let go."

"I’m not letting you go in a place like this. It’s too dangerous."

"I’m not a child, Haechan."

"I don’t care. You can do whatever you want, but I won’t even consider leaving you alone here."

You stare at each other for a long moment, his grip firm yet not forceful. Deep down, you know he won’t back down—not even with a gun to his head. Haechan had always been this stubborn.

Of course, you were just as stubborn, but the truth was, you were glad he was here with you, even if you refused to admit it.

—

After lights out, you were escorted to the next game. You tried to avoid Haechan, but it didn’t work very well. At that moment, as you climbed the stairs, he was right behind you. You hadn’t even noticed when he managed to fall into step behind you.

"Don’t try to run away from me, sweetheart," he leaned in and whispered in your ear.

You ignored him and kept walking.

"I heard that in the next game, you’ll have to carve shapes out of a cookie, so pick the triangle," he added casually.

You stopped and turned to face him.

"Where did you hear that?"

Haechan simply shrugged and gently turned you back around, nudging you to keep moving forward.

It didn’t feel like a game about cookies.

Somehow, you managed to slip away from Haechan and stood at the far end of the room, nearly alone. Like everyone else, you were surveying the space when a female voice suddenly rang out:

"Divide into teams of five."

Damn. This definitely wasn’t about cookies. You looked around, seeing how everyone began forming teams, scrambling to find people.

You spotted a group of men and cautiously approached them.

"Excuse me. I’m on my own—can I join your team?"

The four men gave you a once-over before exchanging looks.

"Listen, we need strong and smart people on our team..."

You didn’t need to hear more to understand their implication. They didn’t want women—they wanted men. Letting out a frustrated sigh, you turned and started searching again.

—

Haechan was losing his mind. He had searched the entire damn hall, and you were nowhere to be found. The thought of you being stuck with some random weaklings or sketchy players made his blood boil. You had to be with him—right now, no, right this second.

"Hey, want to team up with me?"

Haechan turned toward the voice and saw a guy around his age grinning at him.

"I noticed you’re walking around alone. I’m on my own too, so if you don’t mind, we could team up and look for more people together."

The guy’s wide smile seemed genuine, and Haechan figured it wasn’t the worst idea.

"Yeah, sure. But there’s going to be a girl with us. Is that okay with you?"

The guy waved his hand dismissively, his grin unwavering.

"Of course! That’s even better. I’m Hendery, by the way."

He extended his hand, and Haechan shook it firmly.

"Haechan."

"Nice to meet you! So, where’s the girl?"

Haechan’s jaw tightened as he scanned the room again, his frustration bubbling.

"That’s what I’m trying to figure out."

Hendery glanced at the timer and nodded.

"We still have time, so we’ll find her. What does she look like?"

Haechan opened his mouth to reply but suddenly froze. His eyes caught sight of you—standing just behind Hendery. But you weren’t alone. You were with some guy.

Without thinking, Haechan shot up and strode toward you, his sudden movements making Hendery follow in confusion.

"Y/N! Where the hell have you been?!"

You flinched as Haechan grabbed your arm unexpectedly, letting out an exasperated sigh when you realized it was him.

"God, could you be gentler?!"

"Gentler?!" Haechan’s voice dripped with frustration. "Where have you been? Why did you—" He cut himself off abruptly when his gaze locked onto the tall guy standing next to you.

The boy fidgeted under Haechan’s intense stare before mumbling awkwardly, "I’m Sungchan. Nice to meet you." He extended a hand hesitantly, and Haechan shook it reluctantly, his grip firmer than necessary.

"Oh! We only need one more person now, and we’re set!" Hendery exclaimed enthusiastically, his bright demeanor completely at odds with the tense atmosphere.

Haechan, however, wasn’t sharing in the excitement. His sharp eyes darted between you and Sungchan, while you glared back at him with irritation. Sungchan seemed ready to disappear under the pressure of Haechan’s silent judgment.

"I’m with you," a deep voice suddenly cut through the awkwardness.

All four of you turned to see an incredibly tall man with long hair stepping toward the group. His commanding presence left everyone speechless for a moment.

Hendery, however, didn’t miss a beat. "Perfect!" he cheered, practically beaming at the addition.

But Haechan’s attention was still fixed on you and Sungchan, his frustration simmering just beneath the surface. This wasn’t how he imagined things would go.

—

Once the announcement was made to assign one person to each of the five games, the team gathered, exchanging uncertain glances.

"I’ll take Jegi. That’s literally the only game I can play," you declared, breaking the silence. The guys turned to look at you, and the tall man with the long hair chuckled, tilting his head.

"Alright, but who’s the strongest here? We’ll need someone for Ddakji."

The group fell silent until Sungchan nervously raised his hand.

"I… I think I can handle it."

Haechan was about to say something when you cut him off, pointing directly at him.

"Haechan will play Gong-gi!"

"What?!" he exclaimed, wide-eyed.

"You’re practically a pro at it! Come on, don’t pretend you’re not." You nudged his shoulder, and he glanced around nervously.

"Really? We need someone skilled for that game," Hendery chimed in with his ever-optimistic grin.

Haechan sighed in defeat, muttering, "Fine, I’ll do it."

"I’ll take Flying Stone," the long-haired man said calmly, crossing his arms.

"Guess that leaves me with Spinning Top," Hendery shrugged, still grinning as if this was all a casual game night.

—

*Bang.*

The sound of a gunshot echoed through the room, followed by the horrifying thud of bodies hitting the floor.

You violently, your gaze glued to the bloodied corpses of the first two groups. They hadn’t made it. They hadn’t been fast enough.

Fear surged through you like ice. What if your team wasn’t fast enough? What if you couldn’t hit the shuttlecock five times in Jegi? What if—

"Y/N," Haechan’s soft voice broke through the storm in your mind.

His hands gently landed on your shoulders, steadying you.

"Hey," he whispered, carefully turning you away from the blood-soaked floor. "Don’t look at that. Look at me."

You hesitated but finally met his gaze. He smiled at you, warm and reassuring, his hands still resting on your shoulders as if to anchor you.

"Everything will be fine," he said, his voice soft but firm.

You stood there, frozen, staring at him. Slowly, his calm confidence seeped into you, easing the rigid tension in your body. For a moment, all you could focus on was the safety in his eyes.

—

“Damn, we’re last. That’s sad,” Hendery joked, his tone light despite the tension.

Your team stood still as the staff locked the metal restraints around your ankles, the heavy weight of the game’s stakes settling in. And you were here alone. Only with another team.

The game began.

Sungchan wasted no time. Grabbing the Ddakji square, he struck with precision, flipping the paper on his first try.

"YES!" you all shouted in unison, voices echoing in the room as you sprinted to the next game.

"One, two! One, two!"

The second game flew by in a blur. The tall man threw the stone with ease, landing it perfectly before swiftly striking it back to the start. Another victory. You jumped up and down, cheering wildly as the group moved cautiously to the next station.

The third game was Gong-gi. The group waited as the guard placed the table and handed out the small stones.

Haechan’s hands were trembling. No one seemed to notice, riding the adrenaline high of their earlier wins, but his heart was racing. He sat down, staring at the stones as he picked up the first one.

Focus. Just focus.

He dropped it.

“Damn it,” he muttered under his breath, gathering the stones again.

"Haechan, it’s fine! Don’t rush, we still have time," Hendery said from the side, his encouraging words meant to ease the tension.

But it didn’t help. Haechan’s hands shook even more, and the stones slipped again.

“Come on,” he whispered, frustration bubbling in his chest. He started over, but his nerves betrayed him, the stones scattering across the table once more.

Haechan glanced at the timer, panic surging as he realized how much time he’d wasted. He hadn’t even cleared the round.

“Crap, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I—”

"Donghyuck."

Your voice cut through his spiraling thoughts. He felt your hand gently rest on his shoulder, and he turned to look at you.

His face was drenched in sweat, his expression on the verge of breaking completely.

You didn’t say anything at first. Instead, you reached out and placed your palm softly against his cheek, stroking it with a calmness that seemed out of place in the chaos around you.

“You’ve got this,” you said softly, your voice steady and warm.

Haechan blinked at you, the fear in his eyes slowly giving way to something else—something calmer, more grounded. For the first time since the game started, his hands steadied.

“You’re okay, Hyuck. You’ll get through this. You’ve always done it for me, right?”

Something tugged at his chest when he heard the nickname only you used for him. Feeling the warmth of your hand on his cheek, Haechan steadied his breath.

He started again, his movements faster and more precise this time. One by one, he flipped the stones with skill, catching them all in the end. He slowly raised his fist to show the guard, who silently gave an “O” gesture.

“Success.”

Cheers erupted as you all celebrated, moving on to the next game.

"One, two! One, two!"

—

The last two games were grueling, but somehow, you all managed to finish with just five seconds left on the timer. It was a narrow escape, but an escape nonetheless.

Now, back in the main hall, the atmosphere was somber. No one spoke as the weight of what you’d just been through settled over the group.

Haechan had quietly moved away from the rest of you, sitting by himself in the corner. His head was low, his shoulders slumped.

“Haechan, why are you sitting there?” Hendery asked, his concern evident as he got up and walked over.

The rest of you followed, though you sat a bit farther from him than the others.

“I’m sorry…” Haechan mumbled into his hands, his face buried in his knees. “Because of me… you all almost died… I shouldn’t have—”

Hendery wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him into a reassuring hug.

“Hey, come on now,” Sungchan chimed in, patting Haechan’s back. “You didn’t do anything wrong. After everything we’ve seen today, who wouldn’t be shaken up? No one could focus in a place like this.”

“This place is insane,” Sungchan added, his voice filled with frustration.

You glanced at him, noticing a cross on his chest. A quick look at the others revealed the same symbol on Hendery and the tall man.

But when your eyes dropped to your own chest, you realized you were the only one with the O.

“It's because of me that we’re still here...”

Everyone’s attention shifts to you as your words hang in the air.

“I voted to continue the game…” You glance down at your hoodie.

“Come on, guys, stop!” The tall, handsome guy says, trying to comfort you. “We all make mistakes. The important thing is that we’re still alive. Besides, you weren’t the only one who voted to continue. So you’re not to blame.”

Haechan, who had raised his head when you began speaking, watches you silently while you focus on your sneakers.

“By the way, my name is Johnny. I’m from Chicago.”

“Chicago? I was there once when I was a kid. Im Hendery!” Hendery says, introducing himself.

“I’m Sungchan!”

“Lee Haechan…” Haechan mutters quietly, and everyone turns their attention to you, waiting for your response.

Noticing the silence, you lift your head and hesitate for a moment. “I... Y/N...”

“Nice to meet everyone!” Johnny says with a cheerful grin.

—

The second voting began. This time, you were certain that you were going to leave. After such a brutal game, you were sure that everyone else would want to leave too. There was no other option. Could they really be this stupid?

*Ding.*

The blue team jumps in joy.

24 – 28.

What the hell?

Soon, the score is tied, and the red team starts to win. You breathe a sigh of relief.

“Guys, why are you so boring? Let's all vote for the circle, okay?”

“God, this freak again,” you mutter to yourself after the guy with purple hair votes.

“Yeah, he's definitely strange,” Haechan agrees with you.

Fuck.

The last person went to vote, and the blue team won. They celebrated loudly while you, the red team, sat quietly, frustrated and angry.

"Let's see how they’ll celebrate when they all die," you turn at the harsh, blunt voice of Hendery.

"What?" He glance at you. "I just want to go home, and because of these stupid assholes, I’m back on the edge of death again.” Hendery kicks the floor and heads to the bed.

You all exchange glances, taken aback by this unexpected side of him.

“He can be like this?”

—

After the food was handed out, you left it with Songchan and went to the bathroom. You couldn’t stay there, you had no appetite. How could you think about food after everything you had seen? You walked to the sink, turned on cold water, and washed your face. The bathroom was empty, and you finally felt some peace. But suddenly the door opened, and Haechan stepped in.

"Why are you in the women’s bathroom?" you asked, surprised. Haechan smiled and replied:

"Women’s? This is the men’s bathroom, Y/N." You stepped out and saw that the door did indeed say "men’s bathroom." Haechan grinned and said:

"Didn’t you notice anything strange?" He walked to the sink and started washing his face.

"I didn’t pay attention to anything except the sink..." you ignored the fact that you were still in the men’s bathroom, since no one else was there except Haechan. What difference did it make?

"Are you okay?" Haechan asked as he wiped his face with his shirt. You slowly turned to him.

"I... yeah... ah, fuck, of course I’m not okay! How could I be okay when I’ve seen so many people get killed right in front of me? When my clothes are soaked in their blood? When I was almost killed myself? Who could be okay after all that? Only crazy people, Haechan!" Haechan stood in shock at your loud outburst. You both stood there, looking at each other, until you spoke again:

"Sorry... I just want to go home and live a normal life." You leaned over the sink again, splashing your face with water and wiping it. Haechan stayed silent, then approached you and gently lifted your face.

"Y/N, I understand, don’t apologize. I’m going crazy here too, from this place and these people. You saw how I almost got us killed? I lost my mind completely."

"Don’t say that, you didn’t do anything," you interrupted him.

"You didn’t do anything either, so don’t blame yourself for the first vote. Just calm down. I said I’d always be here for you, and I kept my word, didn’t I?"

You looked at his face for a long moment and quietly said:

"You haven’t been here for me the last five months."

Haechan smiled softly and stroked your face.

"It’s not about that now, Y/N. Let’s not talk about it."

"Why? Because you stopped loving me and left? Now you're pretending like nothing happened?"

"Y/N, it's not like that, and you know it. I never stopped loving you."

"Sunghoon said you didn’t care about me, that you didn’t care about our relationship. He said you found someone else…"

"Do you believe that jerk?"

You flinch at his sharp, cold tone.

"I..."

"You're still listening to him? I told you he's ruining your life. Didn't he make you fight with Karina? Why are you still falling for it?"

"I'm not falling for it..."

"Then shut up and stop talking about him. Everything he tells you is a lie, especially about me and our relationship. I’ve always loved you, Y/N. You know why we broke up, and it wasn’t our fault. It just happened."

You feel hot tears on your cheeks and start to sob. Haechan wipes your tears away and leans in to kiss them.

"Please, don’t cry. We... we’ll fix all of this when we get out of this game..."

You stay quiet, just looking at each other.

"Promise?"

"I promise." Haechan smiles, then slowly leans in to kiss you on the lips. Without thinking, you kiss him back. At first, it’s slow and calm. You place your hands on his neck, pulling him closer, and he moves his hands to your waist, doing the same. He presses you against the sink, and the kiss deepens and quickens. Haechan moves his hands from your waist to your hips. You’re running out of breath and pull away.

"Not here, Haechan…"

Haechan looks at you with dark eyes and slowly nods. He leans back in and kisses you again, but this time more gently.

"Oh my god, guys! You scared me! So this is where you disappeared to!" The door suddenly swings open, and Hendery walks in. You quickly pull away from Haechan and fix yourself, but Haechan seems unfazed that you were caught and quietly laughs at your reaction.

—

Third Game: Mingle!

Huh?

You were standing in a huge hall with carousel horses placed in the center. The host explained the rules while the five of you listened intently. After last night, Haechan stayed even closer to you, almost lying down next to you to protect you. Though you couldn’t help but wonder, protect from who?

The game began.

They spun you around so you nearly fell, but Haechan caught you in time. As you stood there together, a familiar voice echoed:

"Five!"

"We’re five!" Sungchan shouted, and you all ran to the door in a panic.

Everyone was scrambling, rushing to find their groups. You could’ve been left behind, frozen in shock, but Haechan held your hand tightly and pulled you toward the red door with the others.

5… 4…

The five of you quickly squeezed in and shut the door.

3… 2… 1…

Silence.

Standing beside Johnny, you peeked through the peephole to see the remaining players who hadn’t found their groups. Suddenly, you flinched as gunfire erupted. They were being executed one by one. You should’ve been used to this by now, but every time it left you frozen, unable to believe your eyes.

Haechan grabbed your wrist and pulled you close.

"I told you not to look. Look at me, only at me. Stay by my side, okay?"

You nodded quickly.

When the door opened, the smell of blood hit you like a wave. Red puddles spread across the floor.

"If people still want to play after this game, I’ll just shoot myself right here," Hendery muttered, walking toward the carousel.

Song began again.

“And have fun jumping around. Round and round.”

“3!”

The lights flickered, and the room descended into chaos. People were running again, panicked and screaming.

"Sungchan and I will find another group. You three stick together!" Johnny yelled.

You stood frozen, watching your friends, terrified to let them go. But the two guys grabbed your hands and pulled you toward the yellow door.

You barely managed to squeeze through before the timer ended and the door slammed shut.

You rushed to the door, frantically looking for Sungchan and Johnny, but they were nowhere to be seen. You could only hope they were safe.

When you exited, two tall guys immediately approached you.

"You’re alive!" Hendery exclaimed, hugging them.

“And have fun jumping around. Round and round.”

“4!”

The five of you looked around again when Haechan suddenly shouted:

«Go as a group of four! I’ll find someone on my own»You stared at him in shock, grabbing his hand.

«Are you crazy? I’m going with you!»

Haechan gently removed your hands and smiled.

«Y/N, please go. There’s no time.»

You shook your head, refusing, but Sungchan pulled you away by the arm. You tried to break free, yelling:

“Haechan, no! You idiot, don’t leave me! You promised to stay with me!”

But Haechan disappeared into the crowd. Sungchan managed to push you into a small room just as the door closed.

“No! Open it! Open the damn door!” you banged on the door, desperately peering through the peephole to find Haechan.

In the darkness, everyone looked alike, and with horror, you noticed someone who resembled Haechan. Right in front of you, they were shot. You stumbled backward, tears streaming down your face, and turned sharply to the others.

“What if it was him?! This is all your fault!”

“Y/N, calm down. He’s a smart guy; he must have found a group” Sungchan tried to reassure you.

“I just saw someone get killed! What if it was him?!”you cried hysterically, your vision blurring. You sank to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, until Hendery approached and carefully tried to comfort you.

“He’s alive, Y/N. It’s going to be okay,” he said gently.

You were on edge, unable to think clearly. The games had pushed you to the brink, and the fear of losing Haechan consumed you. The pain of him leaving you again mixed with the terror of the moment.

When the door opened, Hendery helped you stand. You rushed out, scanning every door, but there was no sign of the one you were looking for.

“Guys!” a familiar voice called from behind.

You turned sharply and saw Haechan. He stood there with an elderly woman and two men.

“I found these wonderful people, and they saved me...” he began.

Before he could finish, you ran to him, throwing your arms around him so tightly it felt like you feared losing him again.

«Hey, Y/N, I’m here. Everything’s okay.»

«Don’t you dare leave me again,» your voice trembled with emotion.

You lifted your head, pouting slightly, and Haechan smiled softly at your adorable expression, brushing his hand over your hair.

“I promise, I won’t leave you.”

“This is the final round!”

“Thank god” Hendery said.

“And have fun jumping around. Round and round.”

“2!”

Haechan immediately grabbed your hand, pulling you close, and glanced at the others.

“Split up. Only one person is needed here, i can do it” Hendery said and smilled to you.

You and Haechan sprinted toward the door. He opened it and was about to step inside when you suddenly broke free from his grip. Someone shoved you roughly, pushing you aside.

A man dashed past you, slipping into the room with Haechan and slamming the door shut.

You froze, staring in horror at the closed door.

Haechan turned, realizing your hand was no longer in his. When he saw a stranger instead of you, his expression darkened with fury.

“Get out!” he shouted, shoving the man.

“There’s no time!” the man argued, resisting him.

Haechan said nothing. He punched the man in the jaw, then shoved him toward the door, but it wouldn’t budge.

The timer hit zero, and the doors locked.

Haechan stood motionless, staring at the door in disbelief. Then he heard gunshots.

No. No way.

"This is all because of you, asshole."

Haechan furiously lunges at the guy, punching him in the face.

"I’m sorry! I just wanted to survive! I accidentally went into your door!" the guy pleads.

"You pushed her! She was with me!" Haechan yells, continuing to hit him. But he suddenly freezes when he hears the guy’s next words:

"I didn’t push anyone, I swear! I was just running, trying to find someone, and I saw you were alone! Please, stop, don’t hit me!"

The guy covers his face with his hands as Haechan, still holding him by the collar, breathes heavily, staring him down. After a few seconds, the door opens.

Haechan immediately rushes into the hall, frantically scanning it for you. But you’re nowhere to be seen.

"Please, no…" he whispers, panic overtaking him.

A minute earlier.

You stare at the door in terror, watching another guy enter and shut it behind him.

You’re going to die.

You don’t even try to get up in the chaos around you. You’ve accepted it—this is the end. Is this really how it’s going to end? You didn’t even get to do anything with your life.

Your thoughts are interrupted by a hand grabbing yours and pulling you up. You stand and see Hendery in front of you.

"Hendery?"

"Quick, run! There’s only one door left!"

You spot the open green door, and the two of you dash toward it together.

There’s barely any time left, and you’re running as fast as you can.

4… 3…

No. You didn’t want to die. You couldn’t die now.

2…

Hendery pushes you through the door and quickly shuts it behind you.

1…

Click.

"Damn. We made it… I really thought I was going to die back there."

You sit on the floor, wide-eyed, staring at him. Hendery turns to you, his gaze softening.

"God, I’m so sorry. I pushed you too hard. I was panicking—we were so close to running out of time."

He rushes over to you, helping you up and checking for any injuries.

"I’m fine! Really, I’m okay. Thank you for saving me."

"You’re the one who saved me. If I hadn’t seen you, I would’ve died. But, wait… where’s Haechan?"

"Someone pushed me, and he got shoved into a room… That’s how we ended up separated."

"Man, people here are seriously insane."

You laugh and nod in agreement.

As Haechan gets closer to the carousel, he spots you standing next to Hendery. The moment you see him, you both run toward each other.

"Haechan, we made it! Hendery and I are safe!"

"If it wasn’t for her, I’d be dead! Some girl ditched me, and I was in complete panic!" Hendery adds.

But Haechan doesn’t hear a word. He simply pulls you into a tight embrace, breathing shakily. Then he starts inspecting your face and body, searching for any injuries.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did you fall? Did he push you too hard?!"

"I’m fine, Haechan. I’m okay."

With a sigh of relief, he hugs you again.

"Don’t ever leave me like that again."

“I won’t i promise.”

note: squid game doesn’t have the end yet thats why this story doesn’t have too…

[cyberkinks]

𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 ︙ 𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐉𝐎𝐎𝐍 ・♡ (𝐌)

⤷︎︎ 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬, wom(woman)!reader x co-worker!namjoon. kissing, sexual intercourse, rough sex? work beef, boss interfering, bestie bora, friendzoned.., helping Namjoon scratch his back 👀. ☃️

⤷︎︎ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬, use of foul language, use of pet names (maybe), misspellings (maybe), use of alcoholic drinks. 🎄

⤷︎︎ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞, smut, angst, non-idol au. ☃️

⤷︎︎ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲, Ah, Christmas what a wonderful time of the year, isn’t? The snow, family, friends, food and ETC. it’s just a wonderful time of the year that everyone enjoys. Your boss invited you all on a trip before Christmas and obviously you said yes but Ehat you didn’t expect is that you’d be sharing a room with one of your co-workers whom you absolutely hated over the years. ✨

⤷︎︎ 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫!, this is for entertainment purposes only! 🎄

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: hello! sorry for not posting but I’m back and I hope y’all have/had a good holiday! Merry Christmas or Holidays and happy new year to you all! 💋 hope you all enjoy and have a good read, also I’m back in my writing spirit so I’m glad for that. ☃️

⤷︎︎ 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝?: yes, partially edited. 🎄

Christmas is a time to give thanks for the love, hope, and joy. It's often celebrated with decorated trees, presents, and a Turkey, Ham, or Chicken feast.

It’s also a time to celebrate with your family and friends..or you’d think.

This year, your boss wanted everyone to go on a month-long Christmas vacation with her. Of course, you wanted to plus it was free!? Hell yeah!

It was a couple of days away but she did give you guys enough time to pack. The reservations were already set, and the trip was already planned. Everything was a go! It was currently 6:34 AM and you guys landed at 9:55 AM.

However, when you got there, you thought you could just choose a room when all of a sudden the rooms were already picked out for everyone.

You look over at your best friend/co-worker, Bora waves over at you and you smile and wave back. You were confident that your boss was gonna let you and her share a room, obviously…right?

Wrong. She announces that you’ll be sharing a room with your emeny/“least favorite” worker, Kim Namjoon. You blink twice before looking over at him who looks over at you.

You hoped this was a dream and that your boss was just kidding with you two, right!? I mean that had to be it. She knows that you two bicker at work like children. This couldn’t be real, the co-worker that you hated was your roommate on a month-long vacation, please say it wasn’t so.

Once it was sorted out, Bora came over to you and snickers. “So, it’s gonna be funny being bunk buddies with Namjoon, hm?” Bora asks with a soft smirk across her lips.

Her words make you roll your eyes. “Har-Har and no, it’s not, I mean you see how that bastard treats me at work, hell no,” you say, folding your arms as she just chuckled once more “Oh, (y/n) just give up the act, already, everyone he knows you two like each other.”

You frown at her “no the fuck I don’t! I can’t stand him, he’s always calling me a lazy worker like ew and he steals my coffee, do you know how long it takes to refill the coffee machine at work!?” you huff at the thought of him.

Bora looks at you, raising an eyebrow “Oh cmon, he just likes teasing you and you like teasing him, you two are perfect-“ “No, no we aren’t and I do not, it’s never intentional, it’s only because he starts it.”

You sigh softly before pinching the bridge if your nose. “This is gonna be one hellish month,” you grumble making her laugh and you shoot her a glare as Namjoon walks up to you. “Hey, roomie, got our key.” He says, dangling it in front of you.

Your eyes narrow at the sight of him as your expression hardens. Bora looks at you both “Am I interrupting something?” she asks, making you both look at her. She was about to say something until you shoo her away.

you snatch the keycard away from him before walking towards the elevator. “What floor?” you ask as he gets in. “5” he says and you quickly click it.

As the elevator ride goes on, he couldn’t stop looking at you. The way your body looks in your outfit has his mind spinning.

You and Namjoon have been at it since you first started working there. He was out for your blood so you started being out for his and it turned into some kind of war and it only got worse when your boss announced that both of you were her favorite employees and that only one of you can get a raise. It started off as entertaining but it slowly started becoming more irritating.

You felt his eyes on you but you ignored him as you pleaded in your mind for the elevator to go faster. Once it reaches the floor, you quickly walk out and towards your room number. I glance at your keycard making sure it was sure it was the right number you saw before unlocking it.

You walk inside seeing your bags already in, your face full of confusion as you look at your bags. ‘Did he personally ask her before we even got here?’ Is what you ask yourself before shaking your head and then starting to unpack

1 hour later, you were finally finished unpacking so you took a nice long relaxing hot shower before changing into something comfortable which was a random T-shirt and some leggings. You lay down in bed, your back against the soft mattress.

A sigh left your lips as a smile appeared across them. As you were relaxing, you heard the hotel room open and closing. you look over seeing Namjoon. “And there goes my relaxation,” you say before huffing and he rolls his eyes. “Ha-ha, I didn’t come in here to bother you, (y/l/n).” he sits down on the other bed.

“That’s what you always say, but eventually you do, and it gets fucking annoying.” you say, glaring at him and a soft chuckle leaves his lips. “You know me so well.” “Duh.”

You look at him, folding your arms. He looks over at you, raising an eyebrow. “What?” You shrug. “Just waiting for you to tell me what you want.”

He frowns slightly. “This is my room as much as it is yours, I can go in and out if I want,” he says, leaning back against the headboard.* “See.” you point at him. “That’s how I know you don’t need anything.”

He shrugs. “whatever floats your boat.” you roll your eyes before facing away from him and reaching over in your purse, grabbing your phone to update your family groupchat that you made it safely.

As you were typing, his eyes were on you, imagining that he was spooning you, his hands caressing your sides.

A little secret is: that even though you two bicker like complete idiots, you both often thought about each other whenever you two were at home. He’d slowly stroke himself as he thought about you, while you would be at home touching yourself at the thought of him “making love” to you, his hands roaming your body making sure no place was untouched. No one knew that secret about either of you and you wanted to keep it that way (and so did he.)

Anyways, back to the present. His eyes were still on you, admiring you and your body. His teeth tugs on his bottom lip, before finally looking away. you barely notice it since you were typing but you 100% knew he was staring at you “Take a couple of pictures, it'll last longer.”

Namjoon rolls his eyes at your words. “You’re not that entertaining to look at, babydoll” You frown at his words before scoffing. “Yet you were still staring at me, and you do so at work” You stuck your tongue out at him afterwards “Plus you aren’t either.”

He chuckles darkly “Says you, and I know you stare at me at work too, like you’re undressing me with your eyes” A look of disgust at his words spreads on your face “You wish I’d undress you” You tease him even though deep down you both wanted to undress each other but he has to keep it rolling.

“No, I don’t” he glares at you before getting up from the bed and you flick him off as he turns his back.

Later on during the day, it was around 8:32 PM when your boss decided to throw a small Christmas party at some club. You obviously went and you were currently wearing a short red dress with a black sweater and black heels, and your hair was in a sleek bun.

As you walk in, Bora walks over to you and instantly compliments your outfit “That dress looks so hot on you, babes” she says before taking a sip of her drink and you thank her with a smile.

You felt eyes on you and you look over seeing that Namjoon is also present making you roll you eyes making Bora laugh. “Speaking of, how’s that going?” she raises an eyebrow at your expression. “As well as you’re thinking,” you say before huffing and walking towards the bar and ordering a Cosmo.

You sat down on a bar stool and that’s when Bora pointed at a guy who’s been looking at you ever since you came in and a smile spread across your lips. As he starts approaching you, Bora walks away to give you two some room meanwhile when Namjoon sees it, a ping of jealousy fills his body and he frowns.

“And you are?” you ask while the bartender hands you your drink. “Christian, you?” “(Y/N)” you hold your hand out for him to shake and he does, giving your hand a firm grip.

As you two were talking, Namjoon watched close by, gulping down the rest of his drink. Bora approaches him and folds her arms. “Watching your future girlfriend flirt with some guy? Real classy.” She says and he looks at her with a look of disgust. “What? As if.”

She laughs making him frown further. “That’s cute but I bet by the end of this trip, you two are gonna be a thing.” she says making him shake his head. “that’s crazy talk, I don’t like her,” he says, clearly and 100% lying and she knew it. “We’ll see,” she says before walking off.

He shakes his head at her before looking back at you, his gaze on you as he sees the guy getting closer to you. he didn’t wanna interfere since he knew that’d cause you to be suspicious of him but if he didn’t, he was 100% gonna hear your bed creaking while he’s trying to sleep.

He was conflicted with his feelings, not knowing what to do at all. he looks around before walking towards you both.

you continue talking with Christian, getting to know him. it was clear that you were feeling his vibe..maybe a little too much. you took the last sip of your drink and set your glass aside. “Yeah, I’m currently working for a Magazine Company,” you say with a nod and he looks at you, his eyes full of interest. “Oh really?”

You nod with a smile and he grins back “Well, that’s pretty cool.” he says and you are kinda caught off guard and before you can say anything further, Namjoon interrupts you both making you frown. “Hey, (Y/N).” He says, his arms folded. “Who’s this?”

You glare at him, completely suspicious of his behavior and annoyed.. “this is Christian, my new buddy.” You say and Namjoon looks at him before shaking his hand and then looking back at you. “We were talking so if you could please..excuse us,” you say, your eye twitching.

“Nah, I’m good,” he says, clearly trying to annoy you so you would take him back to your shared hotel room. you grin at Christian before getting up from your seat. “Namjoon, let’s dance really quickly.”

Before he could protest, you grabbed his arm and led him to the dance floor. you look up at him “What are you doing!?” you ask him with a frown.

“Nothing, why?” he shrugs before doing some little random dance, along with you “bullshit, you interrupted my conversation with that hottie” You frown while he celebrates…in his mind “Maybe I was just helping you out of a boring conversation.” “yeah right." you roll your eyes at his weird behavior.

“We could've danced later,” you said with an upset expression. he chuckles to himself, making you frown further “As if you’d want to dance with me.” he says and you nod, still pissed off. “you’re right.” he rolls his eyes at you “Maybe if you stop being stubborn, you’ll actually get laid.”

a gasp left your lips from the words that came from his lips. “and maybe, if you weren’t so cocky, someone would want your cock.” is what you say before walking off, leaving him speechless and he stands there trying to process what you just said.

you walk over to Bora, immediately telling her what happened and she chuckles “You both always fight like an old married couple.” “Well, we’ll never be one, can’t stand him.” she raises an eyebrow at your words. “for now.”

you frown at her. “no, never, plus that guy was really hot but it’s whatever…I guess.” Bora looks at you before looking over at the guy you were talking to which makes you look to see that he was still over there. “you think i should go back over there?” you ask her and she nods. “I think so, plus it looks like you both were feeling each other.”

you smile before getting up and walking back over to him, sitting down. “sorry about that.” he shakes his head “No, problem.” you bite your lip at him before asking him to dance and he agrees.

Christian gently grabs your hand, leading you towards the dance floor, and as you both dance, your hips swaying slowly as his hands rest on them. you look up at him as he looks down at you.

while you were in the moment with this stranger, Namjoon’s eyes were on you both. the pang of jealousy stinging his heart once again. he watches you both, taking small sips of his drink.

he couldn’t stand seeing you with other men, it irks his soul but he can’t do anything about it or you’ll know that he wants you. he was confused and conflicted about what to do, but what was there to do besides him being confusing and not telling you how he felt without showing it?

you had his heart, mind, and soul and he thinks that he’s alone with his feelings not knowing that it was the same way for you. he was down bad for you but why doesn’t he ever wanna show it? why does he pick fights with you? guess we’ll never know.

later on in the night, you’d had way too many drinks, and all you remember is the guy you’d just met (Christian) wanting to take you home but Namjoon didn’t trust him one bit.

you barely remember what happened but Namjoon 100% took you home since you could smell his cologne over and over. he helps you inside your shared hotel room, helping you on the bed. “so soft..” you sigh as you look around making him chuckle.

a soft groan left your lips as he slips your heels from your feet before helping you take off your jewelry and your makeup, his touch was as gentle as ever. “you’re a piece of shit.” you slur out, making him chuckle. “if I was, I would’ve let him take you here and not me.” he says, placing a bottle of water on the nightstand.

he was about to walk away and you stop him. “don’t go.” a pout forms on your lips. he looks at you, conflicted still “You don’t want me to go?” you shake your head no at his words.

he knew you were out of it, he knew you needed space but he lays down beside you anyway and you place your hand on his chest. “Namjoon..” you whisper, your slightly blurry eyes on his. “I like you.” his body froze at your words. “so much..and I want you,” you grumble out as your eyes start to close.

“you’re just drunk, I know you don’t mean it.” he says, wanting to doubt it but you slowly open your eyes again before looking at him and his eyes are on yours. “I know what I mean.” you slowly sit up before softly kissing his lips.

he didn’t know what to do but he was much of a gentleman to deny you since you were drunk “Get some sleep.” he whispered. you sigh before laying back down and closing your eyes again.

your words repeat in his brain over and over again, the sound of your voice and the way you said his name is just stuck in his mind.

he’s completely conflicted.

The next morning, you woke up with a horrible headache. you groan in pain as you hold your head while sitting up on the bed, the sun shining from the curtains

you look over seeing that someone was in your bed since the sheets were messy. you also notice that everything you had on (except your clothes) from last night was off.

you bite my lip thinking if it was the guy from last night but that couldn’t be possible since the cologne was different. you heard the bathroom door open and that’s when you saw Namjoon who had a towel around his waist, water dripping from his body.

you eventually look away once he looks over at you. “take a picture next time” he says in a teasing tone. you roll your eyes “please no one wants to look at you.” you say, getting up from the bed “that isn’t what you said last night.” he says and you froze at his words “wait what are you talking about?”

he looks at you “you don’t remember?” you shake your head no, completely scared and worried. “no, I don’t, now tell me.” he sits down on your bed. “well, you had too many drinks last night and I took you back here and last night you told me that you liked me” he pauses for a moment looking at your shocked facial expression “and that you wanted me.”

you take a deep breath before responding “well, i was drunk so-“ “drunk words equals sober thoughts” he says with a shrug. you lick your lips, thinking of a lie to come up with but he stops you “aren’t you tired of playing cat and mouse with me?” he asks standing up from the bed and walking towards you.

you look up at him “i was drunk, people say things when they’re drunk..” he scoffs, shaking his head. He thought he could get through to you but he forgot how stubborn you were. “excuses is all I hear.” he says, moving back from you “when you’re tired of dodging me, give me a holler.” is all he said before grabbing his clothes and walking into the bathroom to finish getting ready.

you stood there completely confused at his words but…the fact you just seen him shirtless was also stuck in your mind.

you shake your head, trying to clear your thoughts but…it didn’t work because later on that night, after you boss took all of you out to dinner…you were in the shower with..a certain type of toy, plunging it into you over and over again.

you cover your mouth to shush yourself, slowly slipping it into you. you shut your eyes as your body shudders and trembles, feeling yourself getting close to the edge and that’s when the bathroom door open making you scream and quickly turning onto your side.

Namjoon quickly closed the door back and yelling ‘Sorry’ before walking off. you take a deep breath you didn’t know you were holding in and turning back around. you look at the door before biting your lip and pulling the shower curtains forward and starting back again.

after your intimate shower time, you got ready for bed, doing you skin and bodycare routine. you walk out of the bathroom after tidying it up and slid into your sheets, laying your head comfortably on the pillow.

Namjoon sat on his bed still conflicted on what to do but he knew he was tired of playing games with you. he wanted you so fucking badly and he needed you. he looks back seeing you laying in bed before getting up from his and walking towards you. “(Y/N)?”

The sound of his deep voice makes you open your eyes, looking at him and groaning in annoyance. “I’m trying to sleep, what?” you ask with a slight frown and hint of curiosity.

he didn’t say anything, he just looks as you making you kinda nervous. he leans down and softly brushed his lips against yours and butterflies instantly fills your stomach. “what are you..” you whisper and he tucks your hair behind your ear and asks with his deep voice, filled with sensuality and desire “can I kiss you?”

you were took aback at his words, but you knew this day would come. a where you’d both finally admit that you both like each other. you look at him before nodding and whispering “yes.”

he cups your face before softly kissing your lips, your hands resting on his shoulders. your lips move in sync as he tilts his head, kissing you deeper. his hands goes down to your gown, slowly lifting it to your abdomen and grabbing your hips, pulling you closer to him as he hovers over you fully.

a moan leaves your lips, your hands pulls him closer. he moves your legs apart before slipping your underwear off as well. he licks at your lower lips, asking for entrance which you gave to him. another moan escapes from your lips, making his lips curl into a smile.

he kisses up your chin, going higher to nip your jawline and then kissing at your neck. “Namjoon..” you whimpers out his name and he hums before continuing his trail down your body.

his hand goes under your nightgown, gently gliding across your thighs until he feels your slickness, taking it into his hand. you roll your hips against his fingers, soft moans leaving your lips.

a groan leaves his lips as he feels how wet you were just for him. he pulls his hand away, pulling down his sweats making his hard on fling out. he looks at you for a moment “are you sure you want this?” he asks and you nod eagerly, your hands resting on his shoulders.

He softly kisses your lips as he slides into you, a soft moan leaving your lips, your juices coating his cock instantly. you kiss him as well, your hands going to his bare back, grabbing at it making him wince a little as your nails digs in his skin.

you look up at him as he slowly and gently moves into you, letting you adjust to his size while slowly speeding up. he starts to thrust into you, your body already adjusting to him.

“Namjoon..please.” you whine while he looks down at you, his eyes full of lust. he takes in a deep breath through his nose before hitting your sweet spot and you immediately start moaning out loudly. he kisses your lips to shush you, his hands grabbing at the sheets.

his lips trails down to your neck again, leaving hickeys all over as he begins to speed up, his hips pushing into you. a groan escapes his lips as he grabs your legs, placing them on his shoulders.

“fuck” he mumbles out. you whimper, grabbing onto his hair, pulling slightly. you suddenly let go of his hair when he gets faster, gasping in pleasure. he continues to fuck you roughly, throwing you off balance “Oh god” you moan out, grabbing the sheets as well.

Namjoon moves back, his hands moving your legs to the side and leaning back down, his hand spreading your ass cheek as he slams into you, the gushy and wet sounds filling the room along with your moans and his groans.

you grab the sheets, his hands grabbing onto the pillows. “fuck, you’re so tight and wet.” he groans, watching as your ass bounces “s’fucking good..” he whispers, grunting afterwards while you cry out his name, your legs shaking.

“Fucking hell!” you whimper out, looking up at him as he throws his head back. “Joonie!” you whine as you felt his hand collide with your asscheek.

you felt a certain feeling in your stomach, letting you know you were close to your climax. you beg him to go faster which he does, his hand slapping your ass again.

within a few more pumps from him, you came onto his cock, youe body trembling while shaking more violently, a loud moan falling from your lips. your toes curl from the sensation while he kept going, his hips still moving into you.

you bite your lip as you lay there, letting him continue, your hand on his chest. “C'mon, cum for me,” you whine before your mouth falls open.

after a few more thrusts, he lets go inside of you, a loud groan escaping his lips. you hum as he does so, breathing heavily.

andd… after that, you both lay there not knowing what to say or do, the awkward tension and silence in the air. you didn’t know what to say or do.

You gulp before turning towards him. “Namjoon…” you whisper, making him face you. “Yeah?” he looks at you, hoping you’d say what he’s been wanting to hear for the last few years, but you didn’t, which made his heart drop. “I think we should just be friends,” you say softly, noticing the shift in his attitude.

Namjoon nods slowly, looking at you with regret in his eyes. “I should’ve known,” he says, making you frown. “Joon—“ “It’s whatever, (Y/N),” he says, getting up from the bed to put his clothes back on.

You sat there covering up yourself as you watch as he leaves the hotel room. you bite your lip as tears fills your eyes. It wasn’t him, it was you.

You weren’t…ready for a relationship since you didn’t give yourself that much time to heal from your last one. you took a deep breath as you try to keep your emotions in check.

so much for that talk.

Soon after the trip was over and everyone went back home, he barely said a word to you on the plane , even at work, and you felt super bad. Bora noticed it as well but she figured she’d just stay out of it until you’re ready to tell her which wasn’t probably gonna be for a while since you’re so fucked up about the whole situation.

You sat in your office at home, staring at your computer unable to focus after what happened a few weeks back on the vacation trip. after what happened between you and namjoon, it felt …weird, you felt weird. Especially since you two spent half of work time playing cat and mouse.

I mean most nights you could barely sleep since all you could think about was him. His voice, intelligence, his body…and etc. just him, as a person was all you wanted. you were so attracted to his energy and spirit that it was taking a toll on you but you were just too scared for a relationship since your career is the only thing in your mind besides him.

A sigh left your lips as you repeated what happened in your brain over and over again. your words and his. what makes things worse is that you actually wanted him, but what if it became too complicated? what if it affected both of you?

but you’ll never know unless you try, let’s hope you do try…in part two.

𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 © 𝐜𝐲𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬

[wen-kexing-apologist]

WKA Recaps QL 2024: Favorite Characters

Thanks for the tag @my-rose-tinted-glasses and thank you to @abstractelysium for the prompts! Since I have watched 60 QL (or adjacent) shows this year, I am going to keep this specifically to my favorite characters of the queer shows that came out this year, and exclude older shows that I watched this year. (Which is for the best because it would just be Namgoong all the way down). 

So here are my Top Ten in no Particular Order:

Akafuji Yuchiro- I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama 

I love me a little freak. 

This boy is such a loser idiot boy and I appreciate how unapologetic he is in his unrepentant, overflowing love for Aoyagi Hajime. I love that one of the barriers between him and Aoyagi getting together is that Aoyagi thinks that Akafuji is cold and detached simply because Akafuji is trying so fucking hard not to McFreaking Lose It over the fact he’s working with Aoyagi. And I mentioned this in another post before, but I think one of the most important things we got from Akafuji is his ability to set clear boundaries between fandom and reality. He can love Aoyagi as his fan, but he knows he needs to stop considering himself Aoyagi’s fan the second he realizes his feelings have moved into something deeper. 

Kasuga- She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat 

This is kind of unfair because I love all the women in this show. But Kasuga will hold the special place in my heart for standing up to her father and choosing herself and her found family over societal expectations and demands of the patriarchy. This feels especially important in a character like Kasuga who is so quiet, reserved, and relatively passive. We have seen other places where she hasn’t spoken up for herself, even in settings with people she loves and trusts (like when she wanted to go strawberry picking) and it is huge for her to actually make the choices she makes as they relate to her bio family. And I also think that it doesn’t feel like character growth that comes out of nowhere either, because she has been engaging in acts of resistance since the moment we meet her. As a child she was not allowed to eat as much as she wanted, but she allowed herself to eat as much as she wanted when she became an adult. Sure, it’s more a quiet act of rebellion, but I love it as an indication that Kasuga has always been strong, despite her more reserved nature.

Go Yeong- Love in the Big City

THIS IS MY FUCKING GUY! It is incredibly important to me and not only important but downright vital that I read this book before I watched the show. I remember discussing during book club that in the first couple chapters I was really struggling with Young as a character. Mostly because I had intense insight into his inner thoughts that I would not and did not get when watching the show. I knew, or at least sincerely hoped, that by the end of the book I would love Young as a character, and I was correct. And it was really important to me to see a performance of Go Yeong that would honor the book character, and I do sincerely believe that Nam Yoon So did just that. I do believe that Go Yeong appeared like I would expect Young from the book to have appeared had I not been inside his head. I really appreciated seeing his growth as a person throughout both the book and the show, and he will stick with me for quite some time. 

Cha Yeo Woon- Love for Love’s Sake

Another show where I love almost all of the main characters in it. But I want to talk about Cha Yeo Woon who cannot hate anyone as much as he hates himself. The -100 floating over his head was a major fucking blow, and I just love how readily he falls in to loving Myung Ha once he starts to have a little bit more faith in himself and the people around him. When that boy smiled for the first time the entire world got brighter. He is such a great character, and one of my favorites, because everything that character does and is and everything Cha Joo Wan gives to breathe life into that character means you can absolutely understand why Myung Ha goes through hell to save Yeo Woon. 

Wei Qian- Unknown

This man has been through so much, he has lost so much, he has gained so much, and he has fought tooth and nail for everything and everyone he loves. He is such a good character, desperately trying to hold his family together, as much as it sucks for him I do appreciate that we got a character with a chronic illness/chronic pain. It feels so rare when characters have been through shit that there are actually serious physical consequences for the abuse they have gone through. And again, a major reason why he is one of my favorite characters this year comes down to the absolutely killer performance from Chris Chu. 

Venice Barros- Marahuyo Project 

VENICE!!! WE GOT A TRANS GIRL IN A SHOW THIS YEAR!!!!!! AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL AND OUTSPOKEN AND SO SO SO FUCKING EMPATHETIC TOWARDS PEOPLE SHE LOVES WHO HAVE HURT HER BECAUSE THEY ARE SCARED AND GRIEVING AND TRYING DESPERATELY TO CLUTCH TO THE ONLY THINGS THEY FEEL WILL PROTECT THEM. God I love her, and her incessant rambutan eating, so fucking much, I am so glad that she exists and I am so glad she has people like King and Lorena and Lili and yes even Archie in her life, and I am even more glad that they (and Archie especially) have people like her in theirs.

If you have not gotten around to watching Marahuyo Project please take this as a sign to do so. 

Makoto- No One Cares for an Old Man’s Underwear

DAD OF THE YEAR! I loved watching his growth arc, knowing how much he loves his family and how that love is what really causes him to start re-evaluating his worldview. Yet again there are so many incredible characters in here that I will carry in my heart as favorites. But I think Makoto especially deserves a shout out because he is still allowed to fuck up sometimes, and he’s still allowed to learn, and despite the fact that sometimes he stumbles and falls and ruins things, he makes me cry because he is devastated to have hurt the people that he loves, and he doesn’t give up. That is so goddamn important in a character like him. It would be so easy for him to hit his first roadblock and to simply throw up his hands in defeat and decide that it was all too hard and instead he just keeps trying and trying until he’s found his way back to his family, to friends, to a love and connection that he has not had with people in a very long time (or possibly ever). 

Shiba Ryoma- Love is Like a Poison

I cannot express how important it feels to me to have a character like Ryo, who is so serious and generally reserved have a queer awakening and just immediately lean in to it. He does not run from the idea of intimacy, and he does not back down in his love and support for Haruto. Which was such a refreshing surprise. This is a man who has until this point valued his career and his ability to win cases above pretty much everything else in his life. And it really felt like a moment of triumph for me to see him stand in front of his boss and be like “this is my boyfriend,” and to be faced with a choice between his career and his lover and to choose his lover. I’m glad Haruto and Ryo have each other and I am glad that his coworker has another queer person in the office (though I kind of suspect that he clocked Ryo before Ryo clocked himself). Also, he is responsible for one of my favorite scenes of the year. Squaring up only to immediately get his ass beat into the ground because why the hell would he know how to fight? Also, he is the plant dad of all time.

Lee Doe Hoe- Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo

Doe Hoe is such a good example of what the behavior of an abused child looks like. He is a really interesting and complex character that I appreciate having in my life. I kinda loved that despite how good he is at taekwondo he doesn’t fight with people. The great tragedy of not understanding why people would want to hit each other because he has grown up being physically abused by his father. I really liked (from a narrative perspective) that he was an incredibly successful student and that he continuously failed the college entrance exam, the way he falls as a student because of the anger and sadness and guilt that he carries for calling the police that day. This man is fucking frustrating in so many ways and yet I completely understand why he is the way he is and, similarly to Kasuga, I really appreciate the where and how he bucks convention and stands up for himself. He does not care about the optics around the way he handles himself at his father’s funeral, he does not grieve that man, so why should he pretend to appease the judgement of others? I’m really glad that having Ju Yeong back in his life gives him the inspiration he needs to try again to go to college, and while we do not get to know the results I truly believe that he will finally succeed. 

Sin Ju Yeong- Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo 

Y’all know I love myself a happy!sad and there are few people who so strongly represent the things I love about a happy!sad as much a Ju Yeong. That boy has been through so fucking much, and he hides a lot of his pain behind what I do believe is a genuine love and joy for life. But I think that joy for life, and the desire to spread joy to Dohoe really manifests in the recognition he has of himself in Dohoe’s sadness, and the knowledge that there are things he can do to help change that. I love Ju Yeong because he does not back down, he still carries shame around his sexuality (I see you cross necklace) but he will stand up for himself and he will not shy away from intimacy and desire. From a narrative perspective I love that that mask of brightness he had that was so blinding and attractive to Dohoe when they were kids is shattered when he loses Dohoe. Who we see when he’s in college and when he’s working a job is who he really is, and I love how much Dohoe tries to twist the knife in Ju Yeong by pretending like Ju Yeong wasn’t as lost and alone and hurting as he was just because he would make himself smile. I love how much of Ju Yeong’s character makes sense because his entire life has just been abandonment after abandonment from people that he loves and cares for. That he takes punishment to spare Dohoe, that he does not let Dohoe push him away when they reunite as adults, that he tolerates a lot more of the nasty shit that Dohoe tries to say to and about him because he cares and he knows that Dohoe scares. I love that Dohoe’s hatred of violence is what causes Ju Yeong to lose his control and kiss Dohoe for the first time, and that it is violence that Ju Yeong resorts to both to protect Dohoe and then later to help Dohoe set himself free by trashing the dojo.

tagging @bengiyo, @shortpplfedup, @solitaryandwandering, and @emotionallychargedtowel, @happypotato48

[eyebulb]

The Cause and Effect of Stolas' actions throughout the show. This is mostly for peeps who claim he never gets consequences. - Stolas being playfully sexy (in his head) turns out to be degrading. Leading to Blitz pulling away, feeding his preconceived notion that Stolas is just a kinky royal prick who wants to feel "dirty". Stolas' attempts at bonding and spending time with him is forever tainted by this and in Ozzie's this is brought to light. It also has further effect up until Apology Tour. (Sure, Blitz has his fair share of issues that also leads to this but part of it is because of those instances when Stolas acted in a way that fit Blitz' view of him). Stolas is continuously hurt by this.. which is why he's so scared of giving Blitz the crystal. Also starting their relationship as a transaction didn't really lay down good groundwork either. - Openly flirting with your new fling while still married and in front of your daughter.. being continuously neglectful towards her despite not meaning to. Leading to several instances in which Octavia feels replaced and forgotten. We see this several different times when Octavia is in an episode. And even though they kinda made up, it kept happening and eventually Octavia pulled away completely in Sinsmas. (Seeing stars was more cus of the divorce and all but they're all tied and shit) With this I'd like to include a thing he did that he thought was for the best but still bit him in the ass. - Shielding your daughter from the mess of your family and circumstances of her birth, your mental health and relationship with her mother. This was all in good faith.. He wanted her to have a better life than he had. To be able to be a kid and be loved. But.. it still gave him consequences in him looking like the ultimate shithead when he tried to chase his own happiness for once in his life. For Stolas, being w. Blitz and asking for a divorce was long overdue and good things for him. For Octavia it looked like a selfish dick who wanted to run away from his family. Not being open with her made him look like the ultimate bad guy. Speaking of Cheating. While Stella's treatment of Stolas is NOT justified (I get that she's in a shitty situation but it wasn't Stolas fault and choosing to take it out on him makes her shitty still). Him cheating on her with an imp of all creatures led to her treatment of him to escalate. It seems like she at least kept most ill treatment behind closed doors before since Octavia seems to correlate her behaviour to Stolas cheating. Plus now there's an assassin involved.. only for fun, mind you. Stella just want to torment him. And more recently -Lending out a powerful artifact illegally just because you have a crush on the guy. Ended up biting them both in the ass when the wrong person found out. Not that they were particularly careful about it tbh. Stolas ended up taking the full blame.. but it was definitely a stupid thing to do and it had direct consequences. And Stolas was the one with the responsibility there. All this to say.. It wasn't just this episode that ended Stolas in trouble because of his actions. I've seen a lot of people shouting "finally" as if this man hasn't had a miserable time throughout most of the show. People act as if he isn't aware of his wrongdoings even though he constantly mention how HE was the one in the wrong. He realized in Ozzie's that he'd treated Blitz the wrong way.. and that the deal was fucked up (not because Blitz thought so, mind you. I stand by that) and tried to rectify it by getting the crystal and giving Blitz a choice. And not calling him on the full moon nights anymore. Even while hurt and feeling rejected he still thinks that HE's the one who missed something and who messed up. He blames himself for the way Octavia feels about him too. He never even put the blame on Stella to her.. And more recently.. his words in Sinsmas "I caused ALL of this".. Just saying.

[kg-day]

Friendly reminder that Elena never chose to turn her humanity off, and it was something that was forced on her by Damon.

I am so sick of seeing edits and posts of people hyping up Katherine or Caroline while tearing down Elena. Katherine isn't better than Elena because she "feels her emotions" and Elena "turned hers off". Caroline is not "calling Elena out" for being a hypocrite because "she was given the choice to turn her humanity off" when Elena tells Caroline not to turn her humanity off after her mother's death. These are not "gotcha" moments where other people are calling Elena out on her bullshit. It's not like Bonnie telling Elena that she doesn't have the right to make Jeremy's choices for him after Elena has Damon compel Jeremy to leave Mystic Falls. Elena never wanted to turn her humanity off, but she didn't have a choice.

All the people who hype up Katherine and Caroline for the things they said to Elena in regard to her humanity are just buying into this fake ass narrative that Julie Plec tried to create in order to keep Damon from having to take accountability for what he did to Elena. Because Damon never has to suffer the consequences of his actions, it's everyone else who does.

I would also like to point out that it's another way that Julie is showcasing her misogyny because she strips Elena of her autonomy, and then has the audacity to sweep it under the rug like Elena wasn't violated and have her end up with Damon as some kind of prize for his "growth".

It also pisses me off because people will bitch about how Elena "cries all the time" (which she is allowed to do considering she is undergoing traumatic event after traumatic event) but will then also hate on her for "turning her humanity off" and praising other characters for not doing so. So, which is it? Does she cry too much, or does she run away from her emotions?

Basically, leave Elena alone. There are plenty of other things to have fault with her character about that have nothing to do with her humanity and how she chooses to process her emotions.

[ayyponine]

maybe i am gods favourite little bitch after all..

[specialmouse]

You know .

[constantfragmentation]

Vander is the muscle but Silco is the brains. Hands down. I choose to believe that this is part of the cause of their down fall -- power struggle. Silco is starting to figure out Vander is pretty much nothing more than his brute BUT people fear him (yo, look at him, he's huge and could crush you into gravel). Who is going to take orders from a scrawny nerd?

Also look at how Vander 'runs' the Lanes after. He uses FEAR of who he used to be. He might be a pacifist now, but he still uses that manipulation which is why I can't swallow "good guy" Vander. He made a deal with Enforcers to keep the peace in HIS section of the Underground, essentially.

Disregarding S2 completely... If I'm going off of S1, I think Silco and Vander and different ideas on how to run the Lanes, their smuggling operation and Silco wanting to go further as far as revolution for EVERYONE.

So, either Silco finally figured out he was the power in their duo and Vander didn't like him challenging him OR Silco did something that escalated the revolution (some plan that might have backfired or it riled up the masses to want to fight) and Vander was already making a deal or he was second-guessing fighting but in the end he HAD to...he had to show up and safe face in front of all the others.

I STILL believe he tried to kill Silco prior to the Day of Ash and not after. Which makes Vander more villainous in my opinion and it fits with the original animation and how Silco feels about the betrayal.

Post bridge battle and Vander's half-assed reason is not good enough. It's poor writing and I'll scream it from the rooftops.

Young Silco HAD to have many of the aspects of what we see in Older Silco. It didn't magically appear because Vander tried to kill him.

Vander - Hound of the Underground was probably more selfish, violent and dickish than he cares to recall. So, him trying to change himself? Yeah, I can buy that. It is also why Silco changes himself too. It had to be bigger than Felicia and her hubby fucking dying. I'm sorry. That's a cop out reason. People die in revolutions and they HAD to know this. To blame it all on Silco and then try to kill him is so damn dumb and insulting to us fans who have been deconstructing this shit for two years.

so. okay. the lanes are the result of silco & vander's smuggling operation according to one of the writers. the one who let them make money other than miners. we also know that they were friends in the mines.

my question is: were they friends before the smuggling opperation or they became friends through it? Bc I've just pictured Silco approaching Vander a bit à la Luke Skywalker approaching for the first time the very charming pilot willing to deliver cargo and I really like that insane level of gayness.

like. was vander in sevika's possition back in the day? in the sense that silco seems to always have been the mastermind in the shadows, with sevika as the more public face of his whole enterprise. did he have the same thing going on with silco back in the day? Because I also really, really like that level of gayness.

anyway. I need to know more about them.

[clownboy-yeehonk]

[crossbackpoke-check]

re last answer: please don't stop, being very unhinged about these two pretty white boys is helping distract me from the sharks losing streak rn so bring it on

https://www.tumblr.com/bondedpairs/764566430180147200?source=share

(sideblog woes but there's the link for you) anyway in the vid they talk about going over to each other's houses to have dinner and things and while that is a delicious example of their codependence i love it bc through an rpf lens there is definitely some old man ******* going on. they can have the dilfs and each other.

(someone else mentioned kept boys which i could write an essay on but i fear being Perceived™️)

anyway if you have anything to add to this please do, if not ignore me and i will hide under a rock until the stress-related insanity has worn off and i am a functioning member of society once more 😂

- @bondedpairs

ty for the video!!! and please, WRITE THE KEPT BOYS ESSAYYYY i promise i will read it with my hands over my eyes if you don’t want to be perceived. do it scared!! do it anyway!! we’ll all love you for it!!!

[exopelagic]

okay I severely misjudged spaghetti guy he’s actually just really cool

[froggomcdoo]

you ever read a work of fiction so good that you immediately need to find more and consume it but it doesn't have any more and there will likely be no more so you just suffer and think what if.

[cosmik-homo]

Lying in bed crying about Alfred's fucked up identity situation

[rivilu]

The da4 leaks are the most conflicted I think I've ever felt about anything game related in my life. The ui? Godawful. Possible warden player character? I Might Actually Purchase Your Game. The combat is just what inq would have been if they didn't pretend to care about tactics and just went all out on the fast paced fighting, which is cool, but we've seen nothing of the level up/stat selection screen so I still have 0 trust that they will let us choose out own fucking attributes like in the first two. Like my lore expectations are in hell and going down every time an inquisition event is mentioned, the gameplay is the only thing keeping my attention atm and it's so 50/50 JUST-

[orcelito]

Actually it is SO weird to me to remember that I was an engineering student and that later on I had been pursuing a minor in statistics

I may be a IT & com person in the end, but I do have the foundations of engineering and statistics in my brain too. Wild !