#also wanna talk to more ppl on here that like him but am afraid to initiate convos

[greenokapi]

Sometimes u just wanna make a Ghirahim that represents ur current mood, based on that one Qiqi icon...

[lavend-ler]

tips on how to write cane user Neuvillette from a crutch user

Neuvillette uses a cane - and that's amazing! but increasingly I got worried that the portrayal of him being a cane user could be based on harmful stereotypes. hence I wanted to make a list on tips I can give as an irl crutch user

DISCLAIMER - this is in no way exhaustive list and I am no end all be all authority on this. I'm just a disabled person in fandom who is tired of ableism. of course this list can be used for other disabled characters but I esp wanna focus on Neuvillette (cause I love him)

Neuvillette is an occasional cane user (just like me) and that's totally fine. he doesn't have to use it all the time to be "disabled enough". he probably uses it during the days he feels worse

he holds cane in his right hand - that means it's his left leg which needs support (again, just like mine!)

a lot of disabled ppl are prone to the changes in the weather. I think it'd be interesting to keep in mind esp in Neuvillette's case

as long as we don't have the canon confirmation on what is Neuvillette's disability, all hcs are fair game. personally bc I relate to him I hc him with my own disability - arthritis

don't be afraid to portray him using his cane in combat. mobility aids are often used by disabled ppl not only as a support in walking but also in every day things. for example, he could be pushing buttons with it or helping himself while walking the stairs

bend the ableist stereotypes - make him use his cane and be badass with it. esp since he proudly uses it during his burst

canes make ppl more visible. don't fall into ableism and make characters only care abt Neuvillette when they notice him using the cane. if u choose to do so, make Neuvillette remark back, noticing how ppl treat him differently and unfairly

do not make jokes abt his cane. I have already seen ppl make jokes that he's an old man who needs to use the cane. it's disrespectful and unnecessary. don't bring up him being a cane user only when u talk how he's old

canes are very personal. even if others offer help or to hold it, Neuvillette would be against it

on that note DO NOT MAKE OTHERS CHARACTERS TAKE HIS CANE esp if u want to treat this as silly fun or even worse, romantic. Neuvillette's cane is his business and any character taking his cane from him would be extremally disrespectful

Neuvillette might have to take breaks between longer strolls to sit down and regenerate. again, sth that happens to me a lot

tho every character in Genshin has to be quite active, remember to portray Neuvillette to be relaxing too! he can be badass, active and strong and that won't make him any less when he's relaxing. I absolutely suggest u portray how he relaxes after the day and how he takes care of himself. maybe a calming tea or some ice packs - those are definitely great options for chief justice to relax and ease his aches after an eventful day

HERE is another post that focuses on more on experiences of mobility aid users. I find it very relatable and useful, it's a fantastic further read

hope these will be helpful for u! ablebodies please don't derail. other mobility aid users, feel free to add more things to the list <3

[ferrocyan]

i’d love to hear more about honey and yaana’s friendship :3 and any honeytart tidbits that come to mind hehe i love them

hello my friend you sure are asking the most. questions here ily okay first of all. um i dont know if theyre friends actually. while yaana is definitely the type to make friends w everyone in arcadia honey to me is the opposite. shes guarded herself w her nice cute idol facade and doesnt rly let ppl in for the sake of her work. like the fun thing that made me want to write the chatfic was that i thought the way honey chats is like. if you take a screencap out of context theres no way to make her sound bad. i just know she would be thinking of it that way www but like i cant imagine talking w someone like that is fun

tart got lucky w honey in that way bc in their match her mask already slipped off and then they met outside of the arena so she didnt bother covering for herself haha. and the way he thinks of ppls facades too is like, thats also the real them, yknow. the way ppl think honey is just being fake when shes nice, tart thinks like no she is genuinely that nice and cute. and also kind of an asshole haha (honey imagines beating him to a pulp like that kabru wanting to beat up laios panel wwww)

however it must be said. theyre so fucked. i dont know how the story is going to treat sphenes passing and i just. cannot stop thinking abt that post abt how honey b lovely constructed her fake queen persona to be a hated heel and then it blows up in her face bc the audience loves her, and then it blows up in her face again when the real queen died like a week before the honey b lovely comeback match, and then it blows up a third time when she catches feelings for this motherfucker. a bitch CANNOT catch a break. im like actually dying saying this i am so not strong enough to write this head on but what do you think was going on when tart is intoxicated on her venom and calls her your majesty. it has never been more joever im afraid theyre fucked beyond belief (...unless?)

this is probably psychological horror for honey but tbh its also rly funny to me im sorryy shes gotta be looking at tart like the best case scenario is this guys using her as a rly unhealthy coping mechanism. and the worst case scenario is when the government resumes working in a few days or so this man will be on the news for committing regicide and the robocops will be at her door. its so fucked. and yet i dont think she can resist the sirensong of "this person wants to be friends w me for real" so i dont think she would just. cut off contact w tart and never speak w him again. its not like she has m.any friends otherwise haha.. ha.

anyway though that becomes the impetus for honey to contact yaana like hey you might wanna reconsider partnering up w souleater. i think hes hiding something and he might be bad news (she doesnt like. have proof that tart killed the queen. its probably just her paranoia talking. but better safe than sorry right?? right???). yaana at first doesnt rly believe her, and then she does but decides she doesnt care if tart is hiding something from her. but what she does care about is that apparently miss queen bee gives a shit about people around her! who knew :3c she teases honey so hard abt this and thats how they become friends to me hahahah

okay but despite all that (gestures above) i still do have a couple honeytart things i wanna write about ehehe theyre not the most cooked ideas but i still wanna get them out >w<

[forgottenroderick]

OOC | Roderick & Amira

in the spirit of fleshing out interfamilial relationships where i play multiples, i wanted to dive in w this toxic mess too! so this is gonna focus on roderick's feelings re: amira and my plan is ultimately to reblog it from her site w her feelings re: him as well hahahah so! without further ado, let's get into this mess! if you wanna skip ahead to their current vibes [ here ]'s his pinterest board for amira! ;D

roderick's biggest feeling abt amira is that whole 'not like other girls' thing. amira keeps her emotions largely under lock and key, mostly just floating around giving off menacing vibes instead asdkjfkljdsf which roderick is like 'damn, nice' about basically bc #thatsthegoal he too wishes to be feared...unfortunately for everyone, he ~also wants to be admired (smth abt which amira couldn't give two figs but ill get more into that later) hence burning naysayers as witches basically lakjsdfkljdjfs however!! amira might be a witch (jury's out lkasdjfkljsdfj) but you must NEVER speak of that in roderick's hearing bc he's like I SEE NOTHING I DONT WANT TO always lksdjfakjlsdjf and if you bring this to his intention, instead of bringing his ire down on his queen it'll bring it down on ~you bc itd make him look bad to hate witches and then turn around and marry one so, like, to notice this inconsistency is frankly unpatriotic!!!!!!

but!!!! let's really dig into their interpersonal relationship!!!!! ok so roderick first met amira when she came bearing the head of the deposed god-king of kolchis out to him. she was quite young (im thinking she may have lied abt her age at first bc like...roderick is a creep in a lot of ways but not quite ~that one...like, don't get me wrong, 16??? we're talking aksldjfkljdsf like, he ~is a creep, but under 16 even ~he is like 'that's a literal child' but amira's ambitions weren't gonna be held back by a couple years!!!!! bc this was her moment and if she didnt ensnare him then she never would bc ngl roderick ~can be a lil goldfish-like this way -- he's got a loT of beautiful women tryna get his attention yknow aldksjfkldsjf), but i mean look at her she's a stunner, and she wasn't afraid of gore (obv laksjdfkljdsf she was literally carrying around a head on likely a silver tray bc why not ;D stylish AND convenient alksdjfkljsdjfk judith meets salome style ig aklsdjfkjdsjf), which deF shocked him at first no lie!!!!! like women are supposed to faint at the sight of blood!!!!! but she was def rocking that bad girl chic (it ~is her thing laksdjfkljdsf) and being perceived as a conquering hero and feted by the ppl who he'd conquered was!!!!! fun!!!!!! ngl i think he's still chasing that high!!!!

roderick does ~generally go for the good girl archetype, i think, but when he first saw her he def wasn't thinking he'd ever take another wife! he was thinking...that looks like a fun fling!!! (before he had multiple wives, he def took mistresses when he wasn't w his wife bc he was off campaigning etc, tho he was v discreet abt it and idk how widely that's known or not? im down w whatever works best for plots re: that, if we ever wanna explore it hahaha he's also def of that medieval belief that you can't sleep w a pregnant woman bc she and the baby might die!!!!! but ~he can't go without ofc soooo anything goes and def doesn't count as cheating!!!!! bc he's just being a good guy protecting his wife and kid!!!! lakjsdfkljdsjf and same kinda goes if he's away from his family on campaign or whatever for a prolonged period!!!!! *facepalm*)

anyway!!!! he meets her this way and he def thinks she'd be fun for a weekend or whatever, but she's like 'no, sir, im a lady' *looks directly into the camera but roderick doesn't notice* and we all know roderick enjoys a good conquest so this was frankly working really well!!!!! he was like 'have jewels!!! have money!!!!!' and eventually 'ill make you my official mistress! my wife can deaL' and she was like 'oh but i cannot for i am the priestess of calainon, and i cannot unless we are wed' anne boleyn style and THIS is when things change for roderick bc of that one lil word: CALAINON. i've already discussed roderick's feelings abt intertwining his legacy w that of the great calainon and now he can do that in a v LITERAL way and while he's mulling this over, but to his credit, he's unwilling to abandon his og wife, even tho he is pr frustrated that there's, as yet, no heir and there's a literal PROMISE of kids from amira re: the prophecy that the line of calainon will last until the ending of the world (too bad godfrey has plans to bring about that v ending #whoops ;DDDD)

finally perceiving that roderick won't be putting aside the og wife, tho (amira: sigh), amira one day whispers, 'oh, my love, if only it were like the days of yore when a man could take multiple wives...' and roderick suddenly has a thought entirely his own that amira def did not place there ;DDDD anyway, we all know how this goes!!!! (also like...damn...imaginie being wife #1, and i def think roderick wanted her to be present/have a role in the wedding ceremony, too, in order to showcase how they were all one big happy family, and you just know!!!!!!! that had to be like just sm fun for her!!!!! </3 esp bc ~she probs saw quite clearly that amira was a snake in the grass)

so more abt this on her side, but up until the wedding, amira has def been toeing this line between sultry and [ untouchable ] w a heaping topping of godly (when roderick invaded she had this revelation, you guys, that the fire was actually to celebrate the one god of roderick and she was really ~his priestess all along!!! ;DDD) but now they're married and amira doesn't feel quite so constrained tho she does NOT like that the empress has more status than ~she as the primary wife and she deffff wants to have a boy right quickly so that she can cement her position as the undoubted mother of the next emperor!!!! roderick for his part didn't care which wife gave him a son, first, he just wanted one!!! however, w amira hiding her true nature less, it starts to bleed through and over time roderick begins to learn that she isn't in love w him at all, tho she keeps up the pretense, in her way, even now

now, as i said before, roderick here likes to be admired!!!! and, bizarrely, this is really working for him bc he also likes to conquer and it just...it gets all kinds of toxic. he loves her. he hates her, too. he wishes she would die. he craves her heart. she is too cold for a woman, too cold to be anything but respected, tho. and he still wants her. and sometimes he even thinks, as he used to, that perhaps she ~does love him, only to discover again that she does not. they fight and they fuck and they fight again and while this goes on, the empress gets weaker and weaker, and there's still no son from either of them!

enter marian. this is when things get real, honestly. before now they've been doing this weird toxic dance, but amira was secure in knowing she had her claws in him. she was still his new, shiny toy. now, she realizes she's lost that. and, slowly, he sees her see that. i think, after marrying again, roderick really perceives the real amira for the first time, and part of him sees this dark reflection of himself: that ruthless ambition, stripped of all the trappings he adorns his with to make it more palatable to his woldview: she's just ragged hunger, and deep down he understands that. and he detests it. but he can't put it away from himself either bc it tugs at smth dark inside himself, and strangely he trusts her more now bc he finally gets her, finally gets what's really driving her, and its what's driving him, too. they're both just scared kids that know what its like to be trampled and powerless, and will do whatever it takes never to be that way again. but worst of all, he knows that she can see that in him, too. so he can never let her go: never let her unleash that knowledge upon the world. so now they can really work together. and now they can really hurt e/o. and they do.

as ive discussed before, i do think that, when arthur was born, roderick was like 'ah yes at last my heir!' but amira changed all of that! amira never forgot that the empress had precedence over ~her as the first wife and like hell she was gonna let anyone forget that the same applied to amira and marian! ~her son was to the heir!!! and roderick is fine w this: let the women squabble for his favor. this suits him just fine!! he doesn't yet see his sons as threats to his own situation or greatness bc they're still little, but that'll come as they hit they're teenage years don't worry! lkajsdkfjdsfh and then his empress dies and everything changes. bc the whole world revolves around roderick, and bc she's been deteriorating since the moment he married amira, roderick is sure that her death is ~his fault (and he's not entirely wrong since he did bring the person who poisoned her into contact w her while also furnishing that person w a motive ~to poison her!) and he is inconsolable. i feel like for two weeks he locked himself in his room and would do nothing but carry his lil daughter around and promising her the whole world

but smth else happened, too: during the empress' final illness, roderick saw a side of amira he'd never seen before as she tenderly nursemaided the empress, never leaving her alone for a moment even as she grew worse and worse and worse. he'd never seen tenderness in amira, save a smidge towards their son in his infancy, insisting on wetnursing him herself and always attending v faithfully to all his meals and such!! and roderick found that, despite her failure to save the empress, he was grateful to amira for what she'd done! or at least (seemingly) tried to do! smth that, coupled w his guilt, bound him to her.

ofc, the marked favoritism he then showed to guin certainly did amira's peace of mind no favors, and she'd pick at him, but his laugh was a dead thing, and he'd just tuck a curl behind his daughter's ear and tell amira over his shoulder to see to her own son and leave him to his daughter and chuckle dryly as she stood in all her towering fury knowing she was dismissed and that he'd call for the guards to escort a hysterical woman to her chambers if she persisted any longer.

ofc the first fervor of the empress' loss did wear off, and we've discussed at length roderick's wonderful parenting skills. their relationship has ebbed and flowed largely w his relationship w edmund, esp since -- now that he understands her ambition is his own -- he knows edmund is a chip he can use to hurt and maneuver her as much as she knows this same abt him. she will always advocate for her boy and he can show his approval to ~her, even, by showing it to edmund, or simply by denying it to guin or arthur -- and his lack thereof in the same way.

i do think, like i said, he still sees amira as ~not like other women~ so if he had to pick a queen to serve as regent (not that he ever would tbqh!!!), itd probs be amira from the fact that he trusts to her logic and to her ambition...however!! he likewise does not trust amira since he knows she serves her own ends not ~his, but does trust that marian would do precisely what he asked. this is def a moot point tho bc lbr the only ppl he'd trust w this would be bartholomew or alaric, but here we are! my general point is that he does sort of see amira ~as her own thing~ but tbh im not sure that does her too many favors all the time bc she's def a curiosity -- less than a man, more than a woman, smth which i think he largely attributes to her calainon heritage so yeah!! lakjsdfjkldsf this has been an examination of roderick's relationship w amira lkajsdfkjdsf there's more but this covers the general stuff lkfasdjfkljsdkjf

he does see her brothers as entirely loyal to himself, as sensible men, but its no secret that they're all team edmund (tbh i think tristan is more team: lets just prevent a civil war and keep my nephew safe and happy and not force him to go to war w his own siblings, but roderick just assumes an edmund-for-emperor bias), but yeah that's a whole other thing and def way less important bc those're just sort of ancillary reltionaships to his ones w amira and edmund, from his own pov

there is just one thing left to say, and that's that...roderick loved her, he did, and now he knows she never loved him and...they understand e/o in a way no one else does, but...he's sad and bitter bc he wanted her love, even if he just lost it, he wanted it bc he loved her, and he hates that he was the weak one and ~she the conqueror and that causes all sorts of chaotic undercurrents and subtext, both trying to steal her heart at one moment and tryna punish her another as well as a thousand little daggers and sadnesses and bitterness and pleading and storming and yeahhh toxic!!!! its just toxic lakjsdfkljdsjf

[dearweirdme]

Hi Rain!

So I have been an army since 2017 and I started shipping in like 2018-ish and I have an army twt and everything. But on my army twt I only have my army friends who believe shipping is for deranged ppl lol. I have had discussions with them about shipping and they hate shippers because they believe shippers objectify the members in a way. And almost all times I agree, especially when I see fans of other ships like jkk or larry or even jklisa. When I look at these ships, I definitely think that they only look at these ppl as a tool to satisfy their own void. Analysing every single behaviour is psychotic and they need to touch grass honestly.

BUT

I just cannot bring myself to think the same about tk. I like to believe I am definitely a sane tkkr (I know there are tons of delusional tkkrs). I am queer and most of my army friends are queer as well so we do joke about the members being gay and we do joke about tk as well but I will never be able to tell them I like tk (that I ship them). I do think there is something between them. I know I could be wrong and they could just be really close friends. The point is that my shipping has always been a secret in a way. I have never told any of my army friends this. If I did they would definitely think I am total weirdo since I have seen how they view shippers. I don't really have a twt for tk just bts as a whole so I have never really had any tkkr friends as well, I have just lurked here and there.

I wanna ask you do your irls or army friends (who are not tkkrs) know about your shipping? And how do you recognise delusional behaviour in other ships vs when it comes to tk? Cuz for me I could easily spot it other ships but sometimes I am afraid I am delulu when it comes to tk😭

Hi anon!

Well, I think there’s a difference between shipping and believing two persons are together. We use the term shipping/shippers for both those things, but it’s not the same although there can be some overlap. To me shipping is something like: enjoying the idea of two people together or thinking two people would be well suited. It does not directly mean that you think those people are actually together though. Believing without shipping is also possible. Personally, I am not a shipper in essence (though i do think Jk and Tae fit together well). When I came into this fandom it was for music, I love to see BTS perform… I still go through performance videos often. When I started to look at more other footage Tae became my bias.. but I wasn’t looking for someone to ship him with.. I rarely do that.. even in my life outside of fandom, I never connect two persons that way. But something about Tae and Jk just started to stand out to me. It was only after that, that I started to look into them more.. and well here I am believing that they might be a couple.

I think the only way to figure out if a ship is real or not is to look into it. Sometimes it’s very easy (the Liskook stuff for instance) and sometimes it takes a few more looks (Jkk, though I have little difficulty with that as well). But the difference between a ship and and a real relationship will always lie in the actual connection between two people. Most of the easily debunkable ships lack in the real connection part. It’s narrated by fans using similar clothes and jewelry for instance.. and other situational stuff. That is also why for some Jkk is harder to debunk, because it is clear that Jk and Jm do have a real close bond. So imo really looking into it (as a whole, within the context of everything around them) is necessary to understand if it’s real or not.

Now this is where you will lose all faith in me 😂 (it’s been good having you around anon!) because I do believe Harry and Louis were once together. I understand if you base your thoughts on that on Larry fandom these days that it all seems very farfetched and crazy. But, during 1d Louis and Harry imo did have that real connection I talked about before. In a way to me that is even more clear than Tae and Jk (their culture is similar to mine, and they were quite obvious). I do not believe they are together now though and probably haven’t been for a while.

We could be wrong about Tae and Jk. I could be wrong about Larry. We all deal with just tiny bit of information about their lives. But I also think it’s kinda crazy to think that two members of the same band cannot fall in love. Why couldn’t they? It is a unique situation for sure, but then again that is kinda why we are all here… we think we’ve spotted something special.

I don’t really speak to my irl friends about this. I’m 41 and for some reason people already find it weird that at this age I’d be a fan of BTS.. so I don’t really wanna let them steal my joy in Tkk. I have some Tkk friends around here who I talk to. And for me that is enough. I think.. that a reason why some of us don’t feel like we can share this is because we are made to feel ashamed of our thoughts. But believing in the love two people have for each other isn’t something we should have to be ashamed of. If anything.. Tae and Jk do love each other.. no matter to what extend that might go.

[my-castles-crumbling]

dancer anon here

reason for wanting to stay connected to being a girl: i feel good when i present feminine sometimes, I don't know why, while i dont feel like a girl or connected to that at all, i enjoy feeling pretty, and that kinda fuels the "cant not be partially a girl" because i like my feminine attributes (such as my breasts and eyelashes (i really like my eyelashes, they make me feel pretty)) but i tend to like my feminine attributes more when im alone and only /i/ can see myself and think "damn. im pretty today."

ballroom q: i tend to do more follower than leader now but i get to dance with my favorite dance teacher someitmes and shes really nice :D my favorite dance is paso doble (i do more latin ballroom than standard lol, but i do enjoy waltz the most out of standard dances lol (its the first dance i did with leader steps :DD)

correct pronouns: ik that its not really making a big deal to ask, but since im not out to many poeple outside of my friend group. i also dont want to correct my friends because im afraid it will reach someone outside of the group and theyre going to question it because in my school the majority of the students aren't really,,,, allies ig

neopronouns: have considered, didnt fit, so they/them is my go to because it is the one i feel the most comfortable with

confronting my friend: i do sometimes feel like confronting them about it, but its kinda scary because i hate confrontation because of the toxic friend i mentioned, so i dont think im gonna do anything about it (for now maybe?)

trauma: i am 97% sure i dont have any trauma relating to masculine people? however, my memory /is/ actually trash, so i could have just forgotten. the most likely thing that caused the fear would probably be the dance teacher with cold hands, because i hated his classes because they made me feel like dance is an obligation and i have to do everything /correctly/ even though i signed up because i enjoy dance. i also had to dance with him and his hands were cold and i dont like physical touch if im not initiating it (which is kinda why i dont dance with anyone anymore - a combination of physical touch, sweaty hands, and the close proximity. im even scared to dance with the little children i sometimes help dance with, because i dont know if they feel comfortable with physical touch which makes me feel icky)

also its not really something happened to me, its fear of something that /could/ happen (SA, etc)

also i still see that dance teacher around at the studio sometimes. he still scares me, but less? and when i talk to him sometimes, my brain tries to tell me im overexaggerating how much i dislike him, which i may be doing, but he /did/ ruin one of my favorite dances for me, so...

agender label: i do feel comfortable with the agender label, i believe, but ive never really met anyone else using it so i think i ust want to know ppl who also use it

you are also a wonderful human!!!

on another note, i am genuinely in tears thank you, you are so kind <3

Hello again!

So, there's four things I wanna address here:

With the pronouns/friends: Yes, it sounds like it might be a good idea to think more about the pros/cons of this. I still completely think that you deserve the respect of being gendered correctly, but if it's not safe for you to be pushing this,(secrets being shared, an unsupportive space, etc) then it might be a good idea to step back until it is safe to bring it up again. Remember though that you deserve to be supported and loved unconditionally and using your correct pronouns is something that should not be a burden to anyone.

Being agender: Have you considered finding people on here who identify similarly? It could be cool and validating to find a community of people who feel the same way. I know for me it was super exciting to find other nonbinary/genderfluid people.

Being touched: Okay, that makes sense. I definitely get not liking to be touched by people, especially people who give weird sensory input.

Ballroom: Oh, damn Paso Doble? I only know the very basics but it's SO different and cool! Respect <3

Lots of love!

[gurorori]

O, P, Q, for thé ask game if you dont mind me asking..

SUM OF Y'ALL PUTTIN' DA SAME LETTERS WAHHH I FEEL BAD!! alrdy answered Q so. we do a li'l scrollin?

anyway!!

O - Where would I like to travel?

travellin' (as a leisure? time? i guess) isn' smth i think ab a lot yet, save 4 in terms of immigration from. here. buuuut in my dreams really, i'd luv 2 travel 2 a few places 4 da cultural aspects.. namely ukraine, our.. half-homeland i guess, which we never actually been 2, but obviously uh. sumthin' sumthin'. nawt anytime soon, but i really wud love 2 reconnect with dat side, even if we don' have any contact with our ukrainian side of da family :[ i still want us b able 2 go there one day, specifically vinnitsa which is where our mother's side of da family was from.

apart from dat, i'd luv 2 go 2 japan — ok stay with me — but 'm deathly afraid of big cities (been 2 moscow & st petersbrug an' both times killed us badly) an' tokyo has like, da same population as moscow but much more population.. density? an' jus' seein' da amnts of ppl mkes me super nervous >_< i dream of goin' on a tour of like, shrines an' temples an' otherwise culturally significant stuff, as well as foooood. but ofc 'm willin' 2 put up with a bit of tokyo ONLY cuz of harajuku. i Will hit all da lolita stores. but really i'd luv a trip 2 japan jus' 2 experience da food & culture :3c an' i guess put our dusty musty japanese 2 da test?

nextttt morocco, ik dats.. unusual but dats where our mother's part of da family is Originally from, as they immigrated from there 2 ukraine.. (an' then our mother did, 2 russia.. gulp) an' she was born & raised in ukr, so she always kinda wanted 2 go back 2 morocco 2 at least experience it, but obv lack of funds etc. she always talkd ab it a lot an' stuff. kinda like we're the repeat of dat but with ukraine hehe? so, i wanna visit both if we ever have da chance 2.

P - What kind of music I like?

oghhhh well. bit all over da place but again do stay with me.. i think our very first music experience where we Knew wat we wer doin' & consciously wer seekin' out music 2 our taste was with the Holy Emo Trinity. yeah sorry 2 bring those memories back, none of em r even 'emo' exacly & hate bein' called it or wtv, but yeah n_n mcr, patd, fob... i think we wer into patd da most, ik i personally still am (system integration is a weird thing - i believe i merged w the previous host who was the one 2 discover all those, like, arnd the age of 11-13?).. a fever you can't sweat out (2004) by panic at the disco changed our entire life trajectory. i still have it as my #1 mika album of all time. i do have a lotta love 4 mcr too, fob we wer a bit less into, but yeah.

'm occasionally into pop-ish stuff, i like mika lots (also name twins :3), his voice & his art r spectaaaacular an' very unique an' him. he's so goodddd, his songs def helped us thru many stuffs jus' like da aforementioned bands. idk he jus' gets it, even the melancholic songs he writes (dat hit suspiciously close home >:0) r like DESIGNED 2 lift ya up i swear.

idk wat 2 define aurora as an' i wudn' really call her pop, she's a bit of her own character, especially here she's nawt exacly well known at all, but yeah i had 2 mention her. i don' think i ever connected with an artist on a deeper level than it was with her, largely due 2 her also bein' on da spectrum (it wasn' clear if she's adhd or asd but hey i can diagnose her.), like i see myself in her thoughts an' behaviors so much, da way she talks an' carries herself an' expresses herself in the art she creates. i genuinely Have Feelings 4 her she's so beautiful an' i can't stswp bein' obsessed w her & her music. da stories she weaves & da way she puts her emotions into lyrics is sooo special 'm Really happy 2 live in da same time as her. back 2 her bein' different like us, it really inspires me how unapologetically herself she is, like seein' a neurodivergent creator get Big (in sum parts of da world at least) an' thrive so visibly is astonishin'. i hope 2 attend her concerts one day :[ srry 4 da ungodly amounts of infodumpin' i doin' here but she means Dat much 2 me...

oh an' last but TOTALLY nawt least, 'm a huge goth, i luvvvv goth music so much, i guess a bit 'basic' but i really love the og styff, like siouxsie, bauhaus, the cure, joy division, sister of mercy etc.. i also luv 45 grave, the cramps, the birthday massacre, plastique noir, alien sex fiend, depeche mode, an' ugh SO much more i can't list it all 😭 i listen 2 a lotta goth is wat i can say.

oh an' 'm also a big fan of visual kei (as an extension of gothic lolita ofc...) but i mainly focus on malice mizer, as well as a few eroguro kei bands (which i rly enjoy as a genre too, who woulda thought...)

[sparklingpax]

HIIIII following a recent question I got (keep lookout for another post like this answering the other one sometime in the future, y'all 😌), I'm taking this opportunity to Finally explain specifics & thoughts I have about how Landiver works as a ship in my mind, why I ship them etc. No it's not justification because I will not be Not shipping these idiots anytime soon, Landiver and Ginhawk are two of like six total ships from all my fandoms that live rent-free and undebatably permanently in my mind thanksss <3

and so yea on that note, any of yall reading this don't have to agree with everything I say!! (Pls don't tell me what you disagree with tho I'm not gonna stop you from thinking what you will and all opinions are valid esp in the realm of like, fan-interpretation of fictional characters, but I am so full of anxiety I will be afraid and scared; I am just begging, don't point out what you don't agree with just leave me beeeeee)

I also realize a lot of this is my personal interpretations of them, which may or may not be entirely accurate (tho to be fair, we only rlly did get glimpses of who the pretenders rlly are as ppl, considering how plot-heavy a series it was; I'd say Hawk got the most attention in terms of that and even he doesn't get as much expansion as I'd have liked 😭) so....there's a lot of room for said interpretation imo.

But yea anyway, I'm talking purely canon Landiver (not gonna get into my AU anytime soon because it's relatively similar to this with more focus on different details bc they have different pasts and such in that....so yea)

Without further ado, my rambles are below the cut. Apologies for any grammatical errors, I typed this on my phone on the bus going home and while laying on my bedroom floor 😭✨

Enjoy! :']

///

I think they work as a ship for a bunch of reasons (I'm only gonna mention some of my thoughts about this because I don't wanna go on for too long 😳)!!!!!

One, their personalities being somewhere in the middle of "opposites" and "the same." Like not "yin and yang" kinda thing but they're also not the same type of person either. Lander might be more confident, talkative, and quicker to get emotional/heated about things compared to an exponentially more easy-going and level guy like Diver. But Diver isn't shy or unemotional, and he is most certainly confident in himself. Both of them Give 0 fucks™ but in different ways, I guess. In that regard, I feel like they also mix very well personality-wise. Lander is more interested in doing the talking, the ranting, etc. Diver says what he needs to in shorter ways in general, prefers listening and making input here and there, chuckling while Landmine fumes about some guy at work. However he might also be slightly more wordy when talking to Lander. Conversely, Lander might be more chill and show the "softer" sides of himself with Diver, the side that loses that usual "cool, confident, smooth guy" composure for example. Fumbles up his usual fast-paced talk because he's distracted w the guy in front of him (when they're in a mostly romantic mood, that is) Lander is certainly more organized and can be a little uptight about things going as they were planned to, whereas Diver (like me lmao 😭) is kind of just perpetually confused a little bit, and just going with it. But see, it doesn't seem that way because he always has this look about him that says to the outside world that he's got this and he is not fazed. He forgets stuff a lot, spaces out, dozes off, etc. Lander's got his back with that tho ✨

Diver isn't as emotional as Lander, so he's a great touchstone for Lander to center himself when he starts to panic or flip out about something. And he only lets himself do that with Diver because he feels like he can. And, being with Lander for so long has encouraged him to express himself and be emotional in his own way more often than before they met. Slowly, over time.

They have different interests for the most part, and aren't going to pretend they want to adopt every single one of each other's interests, but they have a mutual understanding of that, and enjoy the difference in tastes. So they just let each other be. Little things like: Lander's a city person, Diver's a nature guy. Lander prefers style and flashiness, Diver just wants what works, and doesn't mind. Lander is watching like five different dramas at once when he's not working his day job or out on missions, and Diver enjoys reading more (which might be because he's out on be boat or busy doing lots of really hands-on work with aquariums and such for his day job, spending less time than his partner does in an office doing paperwork). Diver will easily take a beer over an expensive wine Lander might've found, and Lander likes finer-quality alcohol, but both would be willing to have the other thing if they're hanging out together and one really wants to have their thing that night. And, they both love a good fistfight, enjoy physical touch as a primary (Diver) or secondary (Lander; his primary is actually gift-giving) love language, drinking, and collect cassette tapes together ✨

Also quick aside, but I HC they chose human bodies that put them around mid-to-late-40s. This is interesting because for example, Hawk has a body that puts him at like 23 (yes specifically 23 don't ask 😳) in human years, and Phoenix is mid-30s. Then we have the other humans characters who are actually just their age (Ginrai is 19, etc...) However, in Cybertronian years, the Pretender team are relatively like the same age, give or take a [cybertronian] year. This is another reason they are so easily connected in a way, because both in human years and cybertronian, they're around the same age, but especially as humans, they'd be not rlly old or super young. Idk how to describe it properly but maybe you know what I mean?? 😳

They are also incredibly playful with one another--always have been. Like, lowkey harassing one another (affectionately) and constantly joking around/making witty quips back and forth in their way, with a specific type of energy no one else has. In fact, they have energies that match in a way where they are as they always have been: like old friends. No one else quite gets it. They're just....a pair. Always together, which I feel like even in the anime you see them fooling around together and perpetually side by side. (Take that one bit where Diver grabs Lander and like ruffles up his hair....i love their vibe sm 😭✨)

They never descend into a serious argument because even their constant "bickering" isnt really bickering at all and more just making comebacks at one another over something on which they disagree, until one bursts into laughter and the other follows.

[Landiver in general is a whole different vibe to say, Ginhawk, both having intimately sweet moments but in very different ways.]

They are more than willing to bring it up when they don't like something/have something to talk about, not worried even for a moment what the other will think, because it will always be the safest place to simply talk it out amongst themselves. They would be hard-pressed to trust anyone else when either have somth serious to discuss. Maybe (hard maybe) Phoenix, since he's usually hanging out with those two when he's around (which is just not that often at all, I'll get into that in the other thread haha) and is somewhat a close friends...but usually it's just Lander and Diver. However even s, they rarely ever have to because they don't really have lines to cross with each other...they do not hold back when goofing around in their definitely shared sense of humor 😭💀✨

Also, I feel like it took them an extremely long time to actually formally get together just because...like, they've always been together anyway, but didn't really know how to go about,,, relationships in the official sense--if that was even something they wanted. It was on and off and on and off again for a while, Lander and Diver trying other relationships with other people for a long time (especially in the period of time after being separated to the different parts of the country once Lander got his new job over in New York and left where he'd been with Diver, again a whole separate thing I have HCs for which I touched on in my "In Relativity" fic; on that note I wanted to mention in both my AU and in canon, I HC Lander as bi and Diver as gay ✨). But they always found it didn't really....connect. over and over, both of them coming back together but not really being sure what it even was they had...and then something happens where it just clicks, and they realize, that...there isn't really anything else they should do. They do belong beside one another. They can be true only with each other, because when they are together, they are "home." As friends in a deeper, more intimate sense of that. Partners....lovers. But always friends, because they both think the whole relationship labels thing puts a wrench in the vibes. It's just very complicated to explain for them, but there's never been any kind of malice or struggle between them other than coming to the final conclusion how the answer has always been in front of them. They've known each other for centuries in our human terms, and they know they've been together forever in a sense, but sometimes it feels like they've known each other even longer.

(When they finally, formally got together, Ginrai and Phoenix just nodded to one another, like they've been waiting for this for ages, and Phoenix playfully punches Diver, who just starts laughing. Hawk, the other godmasters and the kids, are all just happy for the two)

(⁠◍^w^◍⁠) 💗✨

[mageofminge]

sowwy 4 da lack of weezer posting, i am rlly into this guy and hes the only thing ive been thinking about so skip this post if y'all aren't that interested in my personal life;

ANYWAYS

since you're still here, lemme vent/delusionally ramble for a bit.

i really like this guy. like really like him. plus we get on rlly well, and i feel comfy talking to him, plus he even told me he's surprised nobody ever asked me out which was rlly sweet of him. plus he straight up told me 'yea if ur nice 2 me i'll prolly fall 4 u' so like.... i actually have hope this time. and honestly this is the first guy ive gotten pure giddy and giggly ab in ages, and thats rlly smth ! but im kinda afraid i might be taking it the wrong way and i dont rlly wanna ruin anything or come off as a creep (keep in mind there have been issues in the past where i misread social cues, caught feelings, only to kinda mess up the friendship dynamics and then get forced to backtrack).

i also feel very conscious of the fact that i am the only person out of that entire friend group that has never been in a relationship, and thus feel a bit anxious and unprepared.

im also kinda afraid of the whole coming off as delusional/a creep since ik hes also been talking to other ppl and bc of childhood issues i always feel like everyone else is a far nicer/better person than me and far more attractive than i am, esp if they're extroverted and socially competent and double esp if they're white. so basically i feel like i'd never be good enough for him to even be an option, despite (at least from what i gather, i am very bad with social cues and according to a geriatric neurologist would be on the spectrum if i was amab), him literally saying stuff that meant he could see me in more than a platonic light.

somehow at the same time, if he does like me i kinda have this perverse desire to be the one option. i don't just want him to settle for me, i want to be his first choice, i want him to be falling for me and pining after me as much as i'm pining after him. like... i want to be the only one.

and jeez i just rlly like this guy, i want to ask him out (or preferably for him to ask me out), i want to date him and buy him gifts, the whole shebang. i was going 2 write more but then i realised that might be getting way too personal, even for me. but yeah this is just a ramble, if you wanna offer advice(?) feel free to do so as well.

[snow-and-saltea]

I posted 8,493 times in 2022

That's 5,858 more posts than 2021! (this is not an improvement!! but its okay!)

25 posts created (0%)

i dont even make original posts bc i am too opinionated and i cant be bothered to say it to people i dont already talk to it about (aka not gonna talk about it to ppl i dont care about sorry FJSKFJS)

8,468 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@paleasamoon (🤠🐢!!!!)

@fflewddurfflam7 (🦊🐢!!!!)

@thecookiemonster77 (🍪🐢!!!)

@a-shout-to-the-void

@obert-scobert

I tagged 3,811 of my posts in 2022

#hey cookie - 598 posts (HI COOKIE 💛💛💛💛💛🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢💛💛💛🐢🐢🐢🐢 certified cookieposting on main!!!!!!!!! tagging each other in cats and poetry, so true)

#vid - 388 posts

#cats are valid - 354 posts (real... im kinda embarrassed w my cat tag and i wanna change it to smth else but the archival consequences.... the horrors....)

#arts and smarts - 325 posts (fucken love art babey!!!!!!)

#fave - 157 posts

#vyn richter - 138 posts (cant believe i vynpost so much.... need 2 fix that next year)

#tex - 126 posts (HI TEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT W MY RAMBLING IN THE TAGS ASS JFAKSLJFAKSGJKLASG)

#genshin impact - 117 posts

#i create as i speak - 116 posts

#*bookmark - 106 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#im happy he made it and that everyone was cheering for him and one of them was ready to help him out dghjgjhjhk that's so cute 🤧🤧🤧🤧

from this vid i rb'd!!! it didn't keep the caps though!!!

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

went a little insane while showering today thinking of miss medea and psyche from hit webtoon series your throne

8 notes - Posted May 11, 2022

#4

for the chara ask.. rosa 👀? and i also cannot resist putting marius in here too

rosa, tot:

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite 

literally where do i even start. i love her so much that she's legit like, one of my fave fictional female charas!!! i love how sensible and logical she is, and how kind and sensitive she is too. those two sounds like opposites of each other but she balances having both traits so well. i just think she is such a great otome protagonist and if any company wants to try and write a good "self insertable" protag who is both convincing and cute they should look to her. loml 🧎

marius von hagen

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead (his mom) | alive (him) | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite 

he's a funny funky guy!!! he's my blorbo in law cus both you and angel (my other friend) like him. so i kind of get appreciation through osmosis. tbh i dont have a lot to say about him bc i think his character as a standalone is simple, but when he's in a group setting? i think that shines the most. i actually talked w angel a bit about this but we were discussing how vyn is afraid of losing rosa emotionally while marius is afraid of losing rosa physically. i read his personal card where he gets a panic attack after rosa gets kidnapped and that ending was literally..... the most poetic shit i've ever read. LIKE. his personal story and card just super appeals to the poet / artist in me bc the twist in words, the symbolism, the rose and the snake that takes turns to guard each other.... im screaming and wailing and throwing up. vyn could NEVER tbh, he's very deliberate and his acts of affection still has an underlying feeling of wanting to impress rosa at all times and to show his heart to her, but w marirosa it literally feels like they're romantic soulmates bc of the writing. does that make sense? like it feels so organic and romantic in a way vyn's measured actions and words can't replicate. i went feral at this part

9 notes - Posted June 23, 2022

#3

for the character asks vyn diluc lumine and kaeya!!

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE thank you for giving me the chance to talk about my blorbos!!!

vyn richter:

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite 

yeah i bolded the who? one don't worry about it!! /j anyways yeah i Like this man a normal amount its not like ive written sm threads on him already yeah. i'm completely normal

except i'm NOT

i started out thinking my fave would be artem cus vyn seemed too pretentious for me at first and i still have trauma from the last time i liked a white haired and golden eyed guy in otome cus that bitch disappointed me so much i literally can't even look at him without going >:T

he's such a cool character to me, i love how contradictory he is while being completely consistent characterization wise. by contradictory i don't mean that he doesn't say what he mean or doesn't mean what he says, but the way he views himself vs how he views rosa vs how he views other people (derogatory) is quite ironic. i love how he loves rosa because she's beautiful both inside and out, in the sense that she is straight laced, honest and not mired with existential or moral complexities that stop her from being kind, realistic and faithful to her values. (in fact, when facing those moral complexities, her true character shines more because of the way she isn't stagnated by indecision or analysis-paralysis. but that's another talk for another day i could literally go on and on about her)

i like it a lot because he's both a bit of rosa in him and a bit of the cynical jadedness he dislikes in other people. as a doctor, he wants to cure his patients, and he secretly harbours some hope, at the back of his mind, that people are better than he thinks they are, that when presented the opportunity for change and growth they'll choose it— which is why i think he "tests'" rosa in his stories so much. cus he wants to see a diff outcome come from her!! to him, i feel like there's a bit of him idealism projected onto her, smth like saying: "i tried and failed, but i want to see how you do it, and what new thing you'll show me with your way of doing things." in ideals and visions, he relates to rosa.

however, in many ssr stories, and even one sr (the iconic false tears story) he shows the pettiest and most spiteful parts of himself that he's tried to keep hidden from rosa, where he indulges his egocentric beliefs that makes him feel like the things he's doing are justified, as long as the end goal is a positive net of "justice" in the world. he also sometimes shows how incredibly judgemental and harsh he can be, because he always thinks he knows better and is more objective / morally superior than other people he dislikes. in practice and methodology, he relates to the people he dislikes. it's like a mirror that shows the ugliest parts of himself. if he dislikes them like any other normal person would dislike an asshole and then move on with their life, why would that be such a big psychological trigger for him? it clearly means more to him than he tries to hide, so he tries to make a clear line separating his own "cruelty" and other people's "cruelty" and how he's better than them cus he had the right intentions in mind.

(that's not how it works btw babygirl. but issokay ur kinda fucked up i'd like to put u under a microscope)

i like how he slowly comes to realise that contradiction, too. not verbally said, but i interpret his recent growth in stories as someone who knows he's "ugly" inside and filled contempt for everyone—although sometimes he dresses his actions in a more gentlemanly or "fair" so that it's still TECHNICALLY the right thing to do even if the way he did it was unethical. at first their relationship progression was "i want her to see the most impressive parts of me" > "i want her to rely on and be influenced by me" > "i want her to know my feelings but only the ones that are peer reviewed to be palatable" > "i want her to see me for who i am and accept me, even if i can't accept the entire truth of myself". and i think that fuckign ROCKS

concluding statement: if the road to hell was paved with good intentions vyn is building a freeway. but rosa is changing his lanes!!! she changed my lanes too if u know what i mean wink wink nudge nudge

anyways yeah im mentally sound and in perfect health about vynrosa why do you ask

diluc ragnvindr:

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite 

i like him!!! iirc he was my second 5* after jean? and then i used him as a dps for a while! i wish they gave him fluffier or longer hair. i think in game diluc doesn't really do enough justice to his characterization or lore bc i feel like he looks a bit "bland" in story execution compared to the other charas. oh well, virtues and vices of being an early game chara! i like him best when he's in big brother mode and i cannot thank fanartists enough who portray him being a good big bro to the kids like klee, diona, bennett, fischl and razor. i love it!!!

lumine:

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite 

she's so goddamn FUNNY and cute?????? i like the progression of her character and her growing into her own personality in the recent quests, i think they wrote it really well. have you listened to her voice lines where she talks w paimon? they show sm of her personality and she's just so... witty and dry and sarcastic but her voice is so soft that it makes u double-back and go, "sorry, run that by me again?" i love her sm. although, i don't really interact w the fandom a lot because they're very noisy in hating her for some reason. and it gets tiring to hear TwT i get my lumine food from anng rt'ing stuff on twt or on tumblr! consuming fandom the exact way it was intended: i only see what my friends will share w me!!!

kaeya alberich:

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite 

another case of sadly being an early game chara so his execution was a bit sloppy TwT his lore is so funkin cool and his personal story and how he got his vision was, imo, the coolest and most emotionally impactful out of everyone else? ofc he and shenhe shares similar patterns in their history and how they were treated, but i think it hits harder for me bc like. GOD. overridden by guilt for the death of diluc's dad, he confronts him and tells him the truth of who he is. and at the emotional height of his life where diluc turns to fight him, he's given a vision if only to protect himself and his heart so that he can still go on and fulfill whatever "destiny" his dad had marked out for him, if he chooses that as his right.

i still think its meaningful bc even in game diluc never shows any signs that he genuinely, truthfully, dislikes kaeya. so while they still have this unspoken history between them that neither of them seem willing to talk about, there's a nostalgic and sad feeling of people who drifted apart brushing by each other time and again, and silently forgiving the other but not making it known at all. i can't find it rn but there's sm diluc and kaeya comics where its all about sibling hurt / comfort and reconciliation and making it known that they care about each other verbally, instead of accepting it as is in actions, bc they're hesitant to break the ice. GOD

14 notes - Posted June 22, 2022

#2

saw this post and immediately my purpose in life for the next 37 minutes was crystal clear to me

couldn't have done this without my fellow vyn and marius dunker, @00uroboros

23 notes - Posted August 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

fuckign losing it rn

38 notes - Posted July 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

Yee Haw! thats it babey!!!

[lilmothsworld]

Don't wanna tag this. What if ppl find me?

Mention of vent and musings rambles etc under... idk felt like I needed to say hi but also scared so in the echo chamber of my own blog it goes....

I'm so scared anymore

I keep regressing lately, and when I do, little me is almost always scared... She... I, always was.

I grew up taking care of my mother, my sister, trying to fix everything for everyone... I didn't get a childhood, and I was ostracized from the community and church bcuz where I live Nepotism is the law of the land.

And we didn't exist to them except to punish or target

Idk

Just trying to learnt to exist, to be

I am lucky in the I do have a partner. And they do about know this stuff. Lately they have wanted to take a more CG role after seeing how bad I am getting lately

But idk exactly how? I feel a lot of shame and fear around my stuff. I do occasionally regress when happy, but lately my system stuff and regression is just... rapid flipping and overwhelming..

Idk it scares me

I still struggle to accept how not ok my childhood was?? I just accidentally mortified my partner casually chatting about something that... wasn't a casual topic again...

Ever play Little Missfortune??

... That used to be like talking to me I just. I had no idea how very very wrong things were.

Now I am no contact with my family

I have had to have spine surgery to try to fix something my mother did to me in a fit of rage. My family refuses to ever accept the hurt and harm they inflicted...

I can't even be emotionally hurt or upset without feeling the need to be punished for it bcuz of HER

...Yet I know bcuz of hearing thru the grapevine... they are dying rn

Look awful... I know they have no water at house. I know the raccoons have destroyed it entirely (gma refused to stop feeding em. Last I visited she thought it was funny the raccoons would piss on em through roof....)

I know it is still covered in roaches and has a feral cat colony...

These are people who chose this btw

My mother hates cleaning and never taught my siblings. It was all me it was always me. She tried to force me back home into this. Just like she tried to sabotage my gaining independence...

The more I look back, the more I realize I will never 'forgive' them.

Because in my family, to do so would be to permit then back into my life.

And I will not.

I grew up with crappy food, at times ROTTENfood, and hand me down clothes that did not fit! But dw, she DID get her teacup chihuahua cuz we had money for that :)

Oh that she then locked in a cage day and night cuz she hated having him

Until my Gma took him to do the same :)

My POS abusive stepfather who didn't keep his hands to himself...

Fucking

I do not remember WHICH is my first memory...

The one where I was trying to play with my mum and she backhanded me in the gut (she did not want to play. I was not old enough for school yet) and winded me? I had never experienced ANYONE being winded yet. Let alone myself.

Maybe it sounds dramatic, but my kid brain fully believed I was dying. I believed my mommy had killed me and I was gonna die while she was in the other room pissed I wanted to be with her. Wtaf.

The other?? My stepfather stole the floaty I used while I was actively drowning and swam away with it. Leaving me drowning there.

My mother stayed with him :)

What is my life?

Just gonna be here in this corner. Prolly afraid and quiet and watching. Cuz that is what I did. Idk how to play if it isn't something I can make quiet and small...

[kaitlynnlauryenn]

I don't understand. I talked with my boyfriend yesterday & I told him all the fears & anger I had towards him.

My frustration towards being so miserable all the time & being completely consumed by our relationship.

How hard it is for me to connect with him because the things that frustrate him & upset him make me mad at him.

I can still barely get through my day without feeling as if it's my fault for being kicked out.

That if we didn't date then maybe I wouldn't have torn my family apart for being an abusive environment when they all tried so hard to create communication & community with each other & I couldn't.

Then maybe I'd have a car rn & be in an apartment not stressing & worrying about how I am gonna get another job because I cannot afford to live if I don't get one.

I wouldn't be at my bf's parents house hiding because I've been on social media all day & haven't eaten & just want to smoke a fucking cigarette & I am embarrassed & don't want to be seen smoking by my bf's younger brother. (who knows I smoke & has seen me already)

The conversation I had with my bf yesterday gave me so much relief & freedom. Being able to communicate openly & not be judged or for him to be angry at me.

Especially because I was telling him that the things that anger me are the same things that other ppl struggle to talk with him about & I know that he really tries.

Like he is literally just autistic & he's finding out as an adult.

Same as I am with my ADHD, even though I've suspected this for years.

Like things that are hard to understand about myself come from expecting SO MUCH FROM MYSELF.

But every time I think about expecting less it means I am incapable in all facets of my life.

It's like the veil of my misery being my fault is falling, but also not really because I am the only one who can heal myself & take off this weight that wants to stay here.

I am so fucking doneeee.

I wanna be brave.

I wanna face the things I am afraid of & give myself confidence & compassion & support but I am just drowning in self pity & misery.

I've literally spent all day avoiding this melt down & I am still having it.

I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to be DISTRAUGHT, like so distraught that you can see in my face & my eyes that I am miserable.

You know how faces tend to sit & rest in the position of whatever emotion you are feeling?

Like yes, you can hide a feeling & pretend to be happier or more content than you are, but you can always see the real emotions someone feels in their eyes. Or when they rest their face. Like you really can't hide.

And when you feel MASSIVELY DISTRAUGHT like 85% of your day on a regular basis it shows.

When you look at me you can see my pain.

People used to tell me that I always looked so happy & that I glowed & was so pretty.

Fucking no one says that to me anymore. Nobody. The customers from my job can see it.

Old fucking white men take it up on themselves to try & make me smile more or brighten a face that feels so dark. I am so fucking ashamed.

My distraught robs me of my freedom to move & do anything.

Learn, pick up new skills, motivate myself in a way that brings in positive interactions or people, or opportunities.

Like what you put out you get back. I know this fr. I've seen it happen to me. Over & over. In positive ways too. In a lot of positive ways actually.

It makes me feel so guilty for projecting such horrid pain & anger & anguish.

I want to be done healing.

I want to feel stable.

I want to eat because not eating only makes this pain I feel so much worse & intense.

I want to be able to navigate interacting with people who I know I don't agree with or who don't agree with me & not feel the need to disintegrate.

I want to speak up when I am mad or feel mistreated or disrespected.

I want to not be in complete distraught every day all day.

I want to feel free & comfortable to eat & to EATTTTTT.

I want to stop making everything I need to do for myself into Mount Everest.

I want to relax & let go of all the things pounding in my head so that I can recharge.

I want fucking peace.

[kalinawtokilig]

S/O who gets into fights

Pair(s) : Sugawara Koushi x Reader, Yaku Morisuke x Reader, Akaashi Keiji x Reader, Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader, Semi Eita x Reader 

Ohoh, boi good luck. 

Summary: 

It’s not uncommon for you to get into a fight, as you don’t look nor act the type. You don’t ask to get into a fight nor provoke, you simply attract trouble, (Oh, a problem child,,) But if this person (or people) are talking smack about you, you bet your bum that you’re gonna sit down and let them. Nah, you put’em up. Warning? You ARE the WARNING. 

Sugawara Koushi x Reader

((I love and pimp him. Pimp pimp pimp)) 

He hears it from Yachi. More like, the team does and Nishinoya and Tanaka are ready to throw some hands.

During practice, Yachi, the sweet girl, poor her; she sees you having an intense argument with two other third years when she comes to refill on water bottles. 

She knows you, talking to you a couple of times. You were always a sweet upperclassman, kind and soft to her and the team, even Kageyama and Tsukishima showed you respect in your presence. 

But when one of them swung the first punch to your face, you bet she dropped everything and hauled ass to the gym to call over your boyfriend. 

Sugawara. Ah, yes, the duality of this man. I would say unpredictable, cause some say he’s the responsible type to stop the fight by finding a teacher and others say he’ll unleash Tanaka and Nishinoya. 

I say, he’s the type to KNOW who you are and WHAT you are capable of. Yes, he can join in the fight, but last time he saw you fight someone he was unaware and baffled that you are able to land solid one punch (( WANNA BE SAIKYU HEROOO)) and knock’em out. Nah, he’s the type to collect the aftermath and try to bury the evidence ((What a sweet boyfie <3 )) 

“Suga-san! (Y/N)-san i-is in a fight a-and I think they need help!” She screeches, catching the attention of the team members. 

“Ah, I’ll be back. Gotta collect the corpses.” 

Asahi, Hinata, and Yachi nearly pass out when he says that. “Corpses? (Y/N)-san killed them that quick? And Sugawara is the accessory???” 

When he finally reaches you, though he knows you’re capable of standing your ground, he can’t help but worry the bruises and cuts on you. You may be able to keep standing, but that doesn’t mean you can avoid ALL their hits. 

When he sees your figure, his fingers dig deep into his palms. “(Y/N)?” He calls out to you. You’re huffing and you straighten your back, turning to face him you smile lovingly to him. “Yes, Darling?” 

He may simp for you but that doesn’t mean he can’t lecture you. 

Sighing, he crouches to the two fools who decided to provoke you and talks to them in that tone where you can’t speak because you’re scared of what they’re capable of. He says that he’ll be watching them closely and that if they mention their S/O beating them up, not only will they all get suspended but Sugawara will make sure they’ll never face pride or regain their HONOR back. (ayye zuko wassup ?) 

Standing up, he looks to you and holds your hands as gingerly as possibly, observing the irritated redness on your knuckles and the splotches of small red bloody dots. His nose scrunches cutely as one hand lets go of yours to cup your face carefully because of the now forming bruise on your pretty face. 

Sighing, he smiles, brows furrowed, “Sugar, next time, go easy on them. I don’t want your pretty hands to be so messed up. I love you and I don’t mind bandaging them up and kissing them to make you feel better, but I feel the more you punch the more your hands’ll fall off. Then who am I supposed to hold hands with?”

You can’t help but crack a joke, “Ah yes, losing Daichi and me in the same year, my poor Darling~!” You coo to him. 

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” 

“Oi!” 

Yaku Morisuke x Reader

((Babie,, cat babie ,,, dangerous babiee,,)) 

While the fiery, third-year, libero of Nekoma dislikes Lev, you absolutely cherish the tall boy and found him cute.

Kuroo makes fun of Yaku saying you should date Lev instead

then you retorted to the rooster head saying that it’ll be weird cause Lev is basically a little brother you’ve always wanted.

One day, after school, while your boyfie was at practice, you were on cleaning duty and overheard some students talking about your two favorite people.

They made fun Lev and then Yaku. They absolutely insulted him for his height and his plays while they made fun of Lev’s intelligence and lack of plays. 

And they chose D E A T H 

“Hah? Whatcha say?!” 

Commence a brawl 

You could’ve used the broomstick by breaking it in half and shanking them but you wanted them to know not to die JUST yet.

You were able to leave satisfied yet still pissed. The other students didn’t speak a peep, as to know not to mess with your temper and if they were a snitch, well, snitches get popped. 

for the ones who talked smack, you both came to the conclusion to say that you guys were playing too rough with the cleaning supplies 

When practice was over, you waited by the gate for your boyfie 

Seeing him, you smiled at him and he came up to you, flicking your jaw

“Ow! Love, what was that for? You’re not give your soldier a loving and tender hug for defending you and our child’s honor?” You pouted cutely to him. 

His eyes widened a bit,  a pink blush on his face until he squinted his eyes at you. “You got into a fight, again.”

“All in good nature, babe!” You stuck out your tongue to him, surprisingly he stuck out his tongue, to lick you with his own. 

“Wha-”

“As much as I love you, you’re lucky that I wasn’t there or I would’ve killed you too to get rid of the evidence.”

“...Aw! You love me so much that you’ll clean my messes, I love you too, Morisuke!” 

“...I love you too, you frickin idiot.” 

Akaashi Keiji x Reader

(Ayyeee back at it again, Akaashi-kun, how ya doin?) 

Akaashi may be a patient man, but this man can hold his patience with a sharp knife and cut it instantly 

It was your movie date and while you waited for Akaashi to get popcorn and snacks, your saw one of your best friends. 

You went up to say hi until you heard them talk bad about you, saying how Akaashi is only dating you to keep an eye on you or how you’re too naive that they obviously don’t want you cause you’re too clingy

with the cold, freezing, slushie, you ‘accidentally’ trip and spill it all over your now ex-bestie

like your bestie, that two-faced bih doesn’t go down without a fight

so basically this was your break-up fight

As he bandages your hands, you were too nervous to speak to him

You weren’t afraid of anything, not failing, not teachers or authority, nor suspencion

Though, you were very afraid of Akaashi’s silent temper

“Ah, Love-”

Pretty boy looks at you so quick you flinch for the upcoming lecture yet he says nothing which makes it even more scary for what he’ll say

“Are you mad at me?” You ask cutely, pouting and looking through your lashes while your head is down in shame

After a couple of minutes waiting for his answer, he sighs

“Blossom, you know how concerned I get when you get into fights. It...” He looks away, “hurts me to see you hurt...I love you a lot that I’m mad at myself that I wasn’t there to help you.” He confesses with a red tint spreading to the tips of his ears. 

Oh dear LORD this man continues to speak heavenly got ME swooning- 

“I should’ve known that friend of yours wasn’t true to you...I’m sorry I couldn’t see that. If you want, we can have Kenma pirate the movie and send us the link. Better than going out, right?” 

((THIS MAN HAS THE AUDACITY TO SMILE LIKE A FRICKIN GOD AHW I HATE IT HERE))

Your eyes sparkle and you launch to hug him, he lets out s strangled yelp as he falls back onto the bed 

Though easy to get into fights, you were easy to cry, as you were emotional to these kinds of things

“AGHAAHHSHI I LOVE YOU I FRICKIN HATE YOU CAUSE YOURE SO PERFECT UWAYWHH” ((omg me))

Chuckling, he buries his head into the crook of your neck, one hand on your side and the other petting your hair

“I love you too, blossom” 

Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader

((YEES YES YES YES I  STAN AND I PIMP ,, PIMP PIMP PIMMP))) 

((LOOK AT HIM LOOK AT. HIM.)) 

What a cactus. Don’t we stan? 

I stan. I totally stan. 

When you get into a fight this man KNOWS he’s most likely gonna watch to see if there is any bih to try to hit you while you’re busy fUCKING UP WITH OTHERS WHO MESSED WITH YA

Iwaizumi is literally the chillest ngl 

Will probably join if some CUNT ASS BIH  decides to pull ya hair or pick up some petty stick to beat you with it

((the more i write at 4:30 AM, the more my mind expands to more fight scenarios ohohhhh get ready my friends)) 

Literally the toughest couple

no cap, no one will mess with you unless they’re tryna get f’d in the a in the most unpleasurable way (omg that rhymes) 

Oikawa makes funny and teasing jokes about how you both look so intimidating that you’ll get wrinkles on your faces

“Keep barking, Oikawa, cause I can make sure my kicks can knock off that bitchy attitude <3″

“Why are you and Iwa-chan like this.” 

“Lmao get wrecked Trashykawa.”

Sometimes you act like Oikawa’s guard too, the fans know of your rep around school, so they don’t bother Oikawa as much which means Iwaizumi doesn’t have to spike volleyballs at his head so they can head to practice without any distractions ((Though Iwa still does it when Oikawa gets too flirty when thanking you)) 

Omg I can go forever with Iwa holleeeeemolleee 

I feel,, that when he’s bandaging up your face, your cleaning the cuts on his....chest.... n’ biceps,,,oof to be you... 

I feel like getting into fights can also count as a date

how fun would that be

talking about your fight date with him in front of other ppl who don’t really know you

I imagine you and iwa-babes talking and you’re like, staring so lovingly at his face and reach to touch the cut above his lip and you’re reminiscing 

“Babes, remember when we fought those two losers at the parking lot of a Target?”

“Oh yeah, I remember that. That dickbag got his ass handed to you, nice right hook by the way.”

Then the strangers RUDELY overhearing are like ‘Wth??? is this?? real?? did they actually fight two people?’

You did.

Oikawa posted it.

Semi Eita x Reader

((Grey haired babes hit different, y’know?)) 

he’ll just be >:|

I can’t say he’ll be mad at you, but more like, concerned that his face looks mad

The same with Akaashi, you’re waiting for him to lecture you, but he’s quiet when he’s...worried,,concerned

You got into a fight because some BIHS from another sports team talked shit about the volleyball team, SPECIFICALLY your boyfie (how convenient for the plot) 

You may be smol but you have HELLFIRE

“AYE WANNA SAY IT TO MY FACE MUTHA-”

Long story short,,, you may have won the battle, but you are unsure if the war will reign supreme, by war I mean you’re preparing for Semi’s scolding

Waiting in his dorm room, you played the soundtrack he made for you and patiently waited until he came back from practice

When HE DOES come from practice, he opened the door to see you sleeping on the floor, back against his bed and when he was going to quietly coo at how cute you look, he gets a closer look at the split lip and bruised knuckles

...You have...a tampon shoved up your nose? 

“Muse. Bubs.” He cups your cheek, then patting it gently. 

When you wake up, you jump back

“BUBs, beh, listen, I, may have done something to someone out of provocation and insults whereas I also defended not only myself-” You wince at he narrows his lovely eyes at you, peering for you to go on (omg you frickin simp)

“I have protected you and your team from their,, falsehoods”

(Why are you talking like that lmao)

He blinks once. twice. going to his bathroom, he gets the first aid kid he ALWAYS had to restock because his babes CANT STOP GETTING INTO FIGHTS so he can patch you up 

“I love you, but we can take their idiocy, it’s just your idiocy I’m worried about...” He continues on, then he starts to listen to the music you’re playing

you’re playing one of his playlists he made for you

specifically, “When I’m with You <3″

He becomes flustered and you wonder if HE’S okay 

“Sh-Shut up, stupid! Stop getting into fights!” 

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

Touch starved/ hurt reader - hcs or scenarios the turtles? Reader super cool regarding friendship, like funny and open etc etc, but if someone tries to do anything that implies a bit more regarding romantic stuff they are kinda like oop- no. Reader is kinda jumpy and just freezes when someone’s they like does any kind of affection ( blushes a lot, try to run away and avoid those situations) people have taken them for granted which has make them a bit cold and defensive in that area- they want to be more affectionate ( which they know deep down it’s what they crave) but it’s kinda they are a scared / angry cat? Please, hope this makes sense, thank you

( also regarding looks and gender I think you can go with they/them so everyone can see a look but if themselfs in the scenario, and if you are going to any kind of skin ship, make the reader extremely defensive over their arms and tummy pls, I do love hugs but if anyone touches my hips I’ll try to get away so fast omg sbbtjfjdkdksn and I will just close off momentarily, I absolutely hate it, I’m more on the heavy side ( talk and chubby ) and if anyone’s touches the “giggly” parts I get extremely upset ( because of how ppl havemade fun of it over the years) and I think the boys would be very “??? What?” To that reaction cuz they didn’t think it was some thing bad to have? ( like a more soft and chunky/chubby body) because they haven’t been exposed long enough to society’s judgment or beauty standards ( I mean they know about! The ones who would have read more about it maybe it’s Leo and Donnie, but what I mean maybe they have never experienced something like this - themselfs irl) Eitherway this ask is already so long omg I’m sorry and thank you, if it’s too much you don’t have to do it, have a good night/ day!)

Okay first of all I love you and I would die for you. You are a perfect human being and there is literally no one else like you. Your body does a damn good job of keeping all of your organs in place and that's what matters. If anyone tells you different you rock their absolute shit.

And don't worry, I understood the request perfectly so no worries on that, I've got a similar body type except I'm really short. But I'm also super defensive over being touched or having those parts of my body perceived, so trust me when I say you're not alone. We be vibing with this together.

Now to the writing!

TMNT Headcanons

Boys reacting to a touch starved/defensive reader

Michaelangelo

Look man, our boy here is body positivity central, he thinks you look amazing and he wants everyone to know it

As far as you two go he's your best friend, your homie, your main man

So of course he's gonna wanna show you off, why wouldn't he?

He doesn't think you'd have a reason to not be okay with it, you've always been playful with him and his brothers

So obviously there's some widespread confusion once Casey gets tossed into the mix

All Mikey had done was reach behind him and snag you by the waist to pull you over

That was all

The words "and this is my best friend, y/n" never got the chance to leave his mouth

He was definitely not expecting you to squeak out in protest and scramble away from him as fast as humanly possible

Your face was burning red and you were clutching your sides, desperately trying not to bare your teeth in defence

Mikey couldn't help but feel heartbroken

Was there something wrong with him?

You sent Casey an unenthusiastic wave before turning on your heel and basically running out

Leaving a very confused orange turtle behind you

When he finally managed to catch up to you later you rushed to explain why you'd reacted the way you did

You couldn't stand his expression when you explained that no- you didn't think he was disgusting and no, he hadn't done anything wrong.

But he did seem baffled at you telling him that it was because you hated being touched there.

"Look Mikey, I've got no problem with the whole contact thing but you gotta give me a warning or something before you go around grabbing me. Okay?"

He was 100% fine with that

Anything to make you comfortable

But you both got to the point of being able to laugh at your reaction to the turtle trying to hold your hand

"Seriously Michaelangelo, I have a reputation to maintain. How am I supposed to do that when you're giving me feelings?"

Donatello

It completely baffled him

By all accounts it didn't make sense

You threw around compliments like you were playing hot potato and for whatever reason you'd always find someway to playfully flirt with him

But the second one of his brothers suggested something other than the innocent friendship the two of you had you would shut down completely

And coincidentally those types of comments were made at the most inconvenient times

Nothing screamed awkward more than you going stone cold and standoffish over a piece of pie

Bubbly and excited one moment, tossing around those positive affirmations to your favorite people

And staring murderously at an inanimate object the next

You were like an unsolvable rubix cube to him

But he was determined to figure you out

"Y/N?"

You didn't appear to be busy, just sitting on the haphazard bunk in your makeshift area with a book in your lap

The others had gone out on patrol and you weren't sure where Splinter was at that particular moment which left you and Donnie holding down the lair until they got back

The perfect time to approach the subject

"Hey y/n? Can I ask you something?"

His voice always got a little louder when you were alone, less afraid of being overheard. You looked up with a smile

"Fire away Dove."

His cheeks flushed in surprise

"uhhhhh... whydoyounotlikeme?"

You set your book down and leaned forward to stare at him

"Elaborate."

And he did, god he did, he did it at the speed of sound of course, but you caught every word

let me tell you, this boys heart broke for you when you told him that you did like him

you really really did

but the thought of being romantically involved with anyone made you shut down

Donnie assured you that it was fine

he'd wait for you as long as you needed

Raphael

Look, Raph knows a thing or two about being self conscious

out of all of his brothers he's the one who worries about his appearance the most

but you- holy shit he thinks you're the most amazing, perfect human in the world

so when he finds out that you hate being touched and that thinking about relationships makes your skin crawl he doesn't know whether to genuinely cry for you or punch someone in the mouth

both is okay

You'd always been very bold with your words and sometimes you'd even joke that you couldn't even tell when you were flirting with him

it just slipped out

and hearing that even though you could pull that off as easy as breathing and compliment all of them endlessly but you struggled to be comfortable in your own body?

that was a lot to unpack in one sitting

but the longer he sat with you and listened to you talk him through it the more he understood

sure, it was horrible

and he wouldn't likely stop thinking about hurting the people who'd done this to you (there'd be too many to count)

but you had a way of making him understand things

it was his favorite thing about you

"Uh- you know y/n, I uh- personally I think you look great. Like- all the time."

plz insert awkward finger guns here

there, your playful smirk was back and you were wiggling your eyebrows at him

"Awhhhh... is that Raph I see having feelings?"

Leonardo

he'd done enough listening and reading to know how society treated people who it thought was different

and he hated that you'd had to experience that for most of your life

when it came down to it and he saw that you had become particularly hard on yourself he took it upon himself to check in with you

that's how you'd started meditating with him

and you'd found it quite relaxing if you were completely honest

Leo told you that meditation was the best way to connect with your body and understand it

you hoped that in time you would understand what he meant by that

but the positive affirmations were doing something, so you'd take it

he'd always encourage you when you couldn't yourself

and always jump to your defense when the others got a little to out of bounds with their words

you still would noticeably flinch when touched without warning

they were all working with that

and he still found himself saddened that you'd recoil back into your protective walls if anyone mentioned anything inherently romantic

but you were coming around

and he was endlessly proud of you for that

Alright I hope I was able to get down what you were thinking. This one definitely took the most contemplating out of any of the requests I've gotten so I hope you like it!

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s stepkid

Tony Stark x Potts!child!reader

warnings: alcohol mention

a/n: i rushed these so bad i just wanted to post dhhshsnsna

prompt: y/n is pepper’s kiddo!

it was just you and your mom for a long time

pepper and y/n potts

she couldn’t keep up with you sometimes, too busy dealing with the manchild that was mister anthony edward stark

speaking of—

“uh, who’s this?” -tony, pointing at you

“mr. stark, i am so sorry, the school closed because some kid set fire to the science lab and i didn’t have time to find a sitter—”

“no, it’s fine, no need to apologize. hey, kid, you wanna sit in the boss’s chair? i’ll let you run the company for the day!” *cue you nodding* “sweet, would you mind that, ms. potts?”

“oh? no, not at all” *mouthing* “thank you”

“so, uh, what’s your name? no, don’t tell me: ketchup.”

*giggling* “y/n”

“no way! that was my second guess!”

tony wasn’t used to being around kids

he had no idea that he was actually kind of good around them

despite a few minor hiccups

“you sit in my chair and im gonna spin you around, sound like fun?”

he spun you around WAY too fast and you were diiiiizzy, also you fell off the chair

“don’t tell your mom that we did that. she may be my assistant, but she scares the shit out of me. also, don’t say ‘shit’”

dude he just thought you were a cool kid!!!

“hey, you know, ms. potts, you dont really need to hire a babysitter anymore. y/n’s doing just fine hanging out here”

“how am i not surprised you befriended an actual child?”

she still took him up on his offer, you seemed pretty happy

when your mom worked late, you passed out in tonys office

tony and you had your own little secrets (like falling off the spinning chair), tony showed you around stark tower, and you practically lived there

“i got you a happy meal from mcdonalds!” -tony every day after your school

in all honesty, you weren’t the “popular” kid at school...not even close

but tony made up for it

“y/n! i found this old racecar toy in a box of old stuff, you wanna hold onto it for me?”

you kind of grew up in stark tower tbh? it was pretty cool

and as you grew up, you started to notice more

“mr. tony, do you have a crush on my mom?”

“do i what? no, no, i do—who the hell am i kidding? you caught me”

“called it!”

after that you did everything to try and get them together

when your mom was talking to tony, you would stand behind her and wiggle your eyebrows and just taunt tony endlessly

no! tony cannot remember your mom’s birthday for the life of him! you are his calendar now

“dude, why dont you just ask JARVIS to remind you?”

“i may be a genius, but that doesn’t mean i have common sense”

“wise words, sir” -JARVIS

when tony disappeared for 3 months you were so sad???? like you were not okay at all

no

and when he came back, he literally exited the plane saying “WHERE’S ‘T-POTT??’”

(your wonderful nickname. ‘t’ for ‘tony jr.’ and ‘pott’ for ‘potts’)

“my mom missed you”

“oh, i bet she did”

“you turned my child into you, tony. i will never forgive you for this”

“well, at least y/n was here to fill in for me, huh?”

tony wanted to show you the arc reactor but he was actually afraid of scarring you lmfaoooo

but he did let you in on the iron man secret (he knew you wouldn’t snitch)

and just to make sure:

“if you dont tell anyone, i’ll buy you a car when you turn 16”

“man, that’s like, forever away”

“good, maybe you’ll forget by then”

ur mom kinda maybe sorta found out abt iron man :/ she told you that tony was a bad influence

“mom! no, tony’s cool! he’s like a superhero”

“no, sweetie, he’s a rich guy with issues. we’re leaving”

that didn’t last long

not long at all

and soon they FINALLY got together

“jeez, i thought you two would never stop pining after each other”

“couldnt have done it without my wingman” -tony *fistbump*

“as thanks can i have my own iron man suit?”

“yes.” *pepper glaring at him* “no.”

sooner or later your mom and you moved into tony’s house and you got a really big room!!!!

it was completely decked out

king sized bed, flatscreen tv, mini-fridge, microwave, computer, your own bathroom with a smaller tv, a poster of tony??? (you vandalized it and put it in his workshop), and more!!!

okay you were spoiled

“do you like it here? are you sure i made the right choice?” -pepper

“are you kidding, mom? this is awesome! plus, you’re happy, i’m happy, tony’s happy, i think JARVIS is even happy!”

“i am, mx. potts. simply ecstatic” -JARVIS

pepper was really happy!! it was a pretty cool family

you started giving your school tony’s number if you ever got in trouble, you knew he’d cover for you

“mr. potts, is it?”

“sure”

“your child, y/n, punched another student in the face today. we’re very disappointed in their behavior”

“why’d they punch the kid?”

“well, the other student punched y/n first”

“HAH! thank you for wasting my time. send y/n back to class and call me back if something important comes up”

he literally gave you a high five when you got home

“i gave him a black eye!”

“i couldn’t be more proud. i mean, i dont condone violence, but self defense is a whole other story”

a little help in the workshop, tony asks you to hold the flashlight

“why don’t you get one of your robots to hold this for you?”

“are you kidding me, you’re complaining? we’re having stepdad/stepkid bonding time! and dum-e can’t do anything right, i dont trust him”

youve had a few theme park trips as a family ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also tony has 100% told you to wait in the car and then left you alone for 2+ hours

“i’m not like a regular dad, im a step-dad. want some beer? you can have a little sip. i’d rather you do it in the house”

your mother actually does love how he actually cares about you!

“y/n is 12% my responsibility” -tony

“tony, you are impossible” -pepper

no avengering for you! pepper said no!!!!!!

disappointed but not surprised

iron man 3: y/n potts is put through the wringer

Text Message to Mr. Tony: bro you better come get your girl, me and happy are watching this other guy flirting with her. he’s showing her pics of his ‘big brain’

Mr. Tony: HE WHAT

Text Message to Mr. Tony: Tony he looks creepy i don’t want him to be my new stepdad do something!!!

anyways ur house kinda blew up and ur mom and you kinda got kidnapped and u were right abt that guy being creepy and thankfully no experiments were done on you but like your mom kinda almost died and her and tony were fine!!! all good in the end

you met mr. col. james rhodes that day

“aw, you’re the kid ive heard so much about” -rhodey

“you mean the coolest kid in the world?check.”

“you cant tell me you aren’t tony’s biological child, good god”

you got to meet the avengers later on too! (you’d already met natasha tho, only briefly)

“i know it can be a little overwhelming, right? meeting all these heros, legends even—” -rhodey

“oh, my god, is that thor? thor!!” -you, leaving rhodey in the dust

literally why does pepper trust you around tony something always goes wrong there were literally robots attacking, you were only at avengers tower bc your mom was busy with the company and she thought you’d be safe with the avengers. the AVENGERS.

“please dont tell your mom that i created a bad robot that tried to kill us. the robot will be the least of our problems” -tony

he made happy pick you up and you had to miss out on FUN and it sucked a lot

“it’s okay, y/n! i’m fun, too!” -happy

then your mom and tony took a break and your life got mega-boring for a while, but they weren’t separated for that long. you try not to think about it. it was brutal

Mr. Tony: Does she miss me?

New Message to Mr. Tony: I think so. Either that or she’s crying and drinking wine in the dark for no reason.

Mr. Tony: Damn it, now I feel bad. I miss her a lot. Oh, also, the Avengers say ‘hi,’ I’m in Germany with some bad news, I’ll explain later if you don’t see it on TV first, and I found you the perfect friend! His name is Peter and I think you’d like the school he goes to, it’s in Midtown. Smart kid school.

New Message to Mr. Tony: I’ll look into it, thanks. Also, I don’t like how those all connect. Please update me asap

watching the news to see several avengers arrested, cap on the run, and more!

“maybe it was good i didn’t fall in with the avengers”

tony and pepper finally got back together and you actually transferred to midtown high! peter and his friend group accepted you quickly, it was great. you and flash unfortunately had the most in common

you’d literally text happy right next to peter and he’d immediately reply to you. it hurt peter’s feelings

Momma: Sweetie! I’m working in the office late, leftovers are in the fridge, hope you have a wonderful day at school! 💕

👉👈the vulture tried to kill you for being tony’s stepkid, tony made peter promise to protect you

“y/n, you gotta stay out of harm’s way. mr. stark gave me an actual mission and it’s terrifying, i have to make sure you stay safe”

legit why the fuck was this old man tryna kill you bro grow up

anyyyywayssss your mom and tony got engaged!!

“wow, i thought the day would never come!!” -you

ppl told you tony isnt your stepdad bc ur mom and him werent married but who tf asked

why is the earth always in fucking danger

you and peter were just vibing on the field trip bus and all the sudden: space donut

“go! i’ll cover for you...FRIDAY, call tony”

“...hi there, little one”

“what the fuck”

“oh, so you see the aliens, too? well, at least im not crazy”

tony stark has left the atmosphere

you and your mom were kinda......not chillin tho

she and you didn’t sleep for a few nights, then ppl just straight up disappeared

plot twist: you survived the snap and your family was lucky to be alive, you even got a little sister who became a big handful!

only bad thing was all your friends dusted and you were pretty lonely

but watching morgan grow up kept you busy

“ahhh, shes so big!”

happy times in bad times

bad times!!!!! bc after five years thanos came back as thanos from like ten years ago. outdated thanos. obsolete thanos.

but you made your first and only appearance in the suit tony actually designed for you many years ago

you should have just stayed home tho bc that fight didnt pass the vibe check

“please dont tell me he...no, no, no, no, no”

you and your mom latched onto each other in tears, tony was one of the best people in your life, he made you and your mom two of the happiest people on earth

best stepdad a kid could ever ask for

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiantfavs // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight //

[normal-thoughts-official]

what are your thoughts about izzy and alec’s sibling bond from the scenes we got from the show

i liked their relationship a lot, actually. which is not to say that it was flawless, but the flaws we got to see were honestly some of what made me the most interested in them. and then of course sh dropped it like a hot potato, but like... it was still pretty interesting to me

disclaimer that this is my own Abused Kid™ stuff projecting for sure, but i still think the way i see their relationship makes sense (or well, i'm not sure if i would say my parents were abusive, but they are quite a lot like the lightwoods in their own way and i definitely consider the lightwoods abusers, so it doesn't really matter that much). so like this will probably feature a fair amount of oversharing lol

anyway! so what i find really interesting and really like about alec and izzy's relationship is that despite the fact that them having abuser parents who honestly put them in very specific "kid who always fucks up" vs "kid who is expected to do everything perfect" roles, they managed to still be friends and on each other's side and have an overall very loving and supporting relationship. i think that's what attracted me to their sibling bond the most, because for decades me and my brother didn't really manage to be close or build a relationship precisely because of those roles. in our case, my brother was the fuckup kid, i was the kid who had to always be perfect (in my case, lowkey to "compensate" for him) and it led to him resenting me and being all but afraid of me because everything i did seemed to be so much better than him in my parent's eyes, so... yeah

so it always struck me as pretty interesting that alec and izzy seemed to be genuinely so close. izzy is one of the few people who gets alec to smile and who gets to ever touch alec, and although they have a lot of differences, it always came down way more to teasing than to actual fighting between them

but also - which is partially why i said that their flaws were part of what drew me to them the most - the tensions that emerged from that abusive background were very much there, and i found that pretty interesting

another disclaimer that i tend to relate to alec more, because i was in the same role as him, but also tend to be very forgiving towards izzy because i see my brother in her and i blame myself for our relationship way more than him since he was the weakest link there lol. but also in part i think i project unto her in the sense that i kept trying to make things easier to my brother, but i kept fucking up because i didn't fully understand his situation, and i definitely think that's what went on with izzy and alec

so let's get into the details of how the whole "fuckup kid" vs "golden kid" (and disclaimer before ppl come yell at me again: i'm not saying that alec was treated well by his parents or that they treated him like he was good enough, because they definitely didn't. i'm saying that when compared to izzy he was considered the kid that had potential, that could be trusted, and who had the most amount of pressure put unto. again, that was how i was treated by my parents, so miss me with the "wow you think alec had it easy?" shit because i know damn well he did not lol. the "golden kid" is an abuse archetype and therefore it means you are abused. calm down) thing affected their relationship in particular

so alec was the eldest, and i think from very early on he latched unto the expectations his parents had for him as a way to protect himself and make sense of the world. i was telling autistic alec anon just today how i think that the fact that shadowhunter culture was so black and white and gave alec such a clear sense of what he was supposed to do and who he was supposed to be kind of helped him navigate the world because it made it easier for him to figure out the path to follow when everything else was just so confusing and the expectations were so crushing and everything he felt was so complicated. i think alec's always known that he didn't conform, and because he didn't have a safe outlet to let that out, he decided to just go by the book to protect himself. which is valid

that being said, i think the other half of the reason why he decided to pursue the "perfect shadowhunter" existence so hard was exactly because of izzy (and later jace and max). because again, alec is the eldest, and he was already being crushed by expectations of upholding the lightwood name and following the rules and whatnot. like, maryse and robert basically expected their kids to undo all the shit they had done when they joined the circle, and they didn't even tell them that that was the reason, so they were probably just taught that they should do what the lightwoods said because and that was that. and because there were all these stakes that they didn't even understand or know about, the pressure was harder

and alec was already being taught to be a leader, and he loved his sister, so he probably wanted to shield her from all the pressure of those expectations, because he knew he was out there fucking killing himself for it. so i think part of the reason he tried so hard to be perfect was because, if he was perfect, izzy (and then jace and max) would get to breathe a little bit. alec is pretty self sacrificial and definitely has a tendency to shoulder suffering in the place of ppl he loves, so i don't think that's far fetched. also, we saw how alec literally shouldered all the blame for jace's fuckups, despite the fact that jace did it all behind alec's back and with alec telling him not to do it (i'm saying jace because from what i remember what got alec punished in particular was something that jace and clary did, not izzy, but izzy was definitely also going against whatever alec told her to and i have no doubt that he would shoulder the blame for her as well, although i don't think she would use that against him, unlike some people. but i digress). but alec just allowed himself to be punished for it like it was on him, so i think it makes sense to believe that alec tried to take the brunt of their parents' pressure so izzy wouldn't have to

and the thing is that i think that izzy... never realized that. i mean, i'm sure she realized that alec was trying way too hard to be what their parents expected of her, but she never realized that she was part of the reason. and she tried to get him to rebel a little bit because she thought that he needed it, and i mean, she was right, but what she didn't realize is that the fact that alec didn't rebel was so she could. not that izzy was not facing consequences for her rebelling, because we saw how maryse treated her versus how she treated alec and jace (it's very interesting to me also how once jace came into the picture he became an actual golden kid, not a "golden kid" like the abused kid who is put as impossibly better than the other one but still never good enough, but actually good enough, and how that was used to put alec in that position where he had to work even harder as well. but that's for another post)

and that's the frustrating part (and i think the part i relate to izzy for the most) because i think she was genuinely trying to help? but she never really understood alec. i was also talking earlier today (or was it yesterday? rip my time blindness but it was definitely recent) about how many people seem to understand alec's coming out story as an internalized homophobia story, and how i don't think that's how it was at all. i don't wanna repeat myself so if anyone's interested in that it's here. and the thing is, i think izzy made the same mistake. she falsely assumed that alec didn't rebel because he genuinely internalized that being gay was bad and because he was lying to himself about it, but that wasn't the case at all. alec knew he was gay and accepted that, he just decided to stay in the closet and live life that way. which obviously is horrible and traumatic, but it's different, and because izzy couldn't tell the difference, she made it worse

izzy kept trying to make alec "accept" himself, but alec didn't really have a problem accepting himself; he just wanted to keep that a secret to protect himself. but because she thought that he was in denial, she kept trying to push him to... not exactly admit because i wouldn't say she was all like "alec just say it you'll feel better" but to maybe "face" it, and alec interpreted that as her demanding that he came out of the closet, which he couldn't do. so he kept closing off and she kept interpreting that as him being in denial, so she kept pushing, and she made things infinitely worse for him even if i am 100% sure her intentions were good (just look at how protective she was of alec and magnus during the beginning of their relationship, or how she tried to get maryse and robert to marry her off instead of alec, or the difference between how clary and jace talked about it - "you're in love with jace"; "this is about your feelings" - and how izzy talked about it - "alec, it's okay") but as we say in brazil, hell is filled to the brim with good intentions

that is not to say that izzy didn't go on that straight shit from time to time ("we all got our things, don't we?" comes to mind, but i gotta say it really pisses me off how everyone talks about izzy being homophobic in that scene and completely ignores how openly racist alec was. like obviously both are fucked up, but yall clearly seem to think only one of these is a problem. but that's for another post) but i think that generally her intentions were always to get alec to be more comfortable with himself/happier. she noticed how much the lightwood's expectations were crushing him, but again, she didn't realize that alec was choosing to take the brunt of these. she didn't realize that he couldn't rebel like she did because of her. not until it was too late

i think izzy only started to realize that - particularly how much of her rebelling was only allowed because alec was there as a safe option so they couldn't afford to have a "fuckup child" even if obviously they still hated that they couldn't control izzy - when she tried to get the lightwoods to marry her instead of alec and they were like... lol? it's alec who's supposed to save the lightwood name, not you. you are worthless as a bride and as a peace offering

and that's when it hit her that alec was taking a role, a role that he had been effectively protecting her from having to take, but that also meant she couldn't help him

i think that's when she realized, because you can see the change in her behavior, you know - "you stood by me, so now i'm standing by you, big brother". she understood that alec was trying to protect her the same way she had tried to protect him and never realized, but that by trying to get alec to just stop without thinking about what the greater picture was for him, she was just making things harder for him. i think that was some very interesting growth we got to see

and on the other hand alec didn't realize that izzy had been trying to protect him as well. like i think that she definitely laid the whole "fuckup kid" thing too thick, which was partially for herself, like, basically embracing the role because she would never be good enough for the lightwoods so why not just accept that she was a fuckup and be everything they despised? but i think she also partially did it for alec, because she wanted to show him that it was okay. that there could be a life that wasn't just doing what your parents expected you to. and like, sure, she got treated like shit for it, and she faced some forms of abuse that alec didn't (mainly touch/affection withdrawal from what we got to see in the show, but also considerable more verbal degrading. again im not saying alec had it easy, especially because we know that the parts where maryse expressed "pride" over him were basically used to make him do what she wanted; but still, the difference in treatment is very clear), but she was still standing, so it was possible, see?

i don't even think this is something i had to defend a lot because she said it so many times? she was always telling alec that he could loosen up, that it was okay (she said the exact words "it's okay" many times). she had a kinda, idk, sassy attitude over it, generally treating it like a joke, but imo that was because she knew that if she talked about it in all seriousness alec would shut down, like he had many times. so i think by making it into a joke and playing the mindless "woo i don't care about anything" character she was trying to have that conversation in a more subtle way. at the very least, alec was amused

and i think a huge part of the fandom also misinterprets izzy as being exactly that shallow person who only thought about immediate gratification that she pretended to be but honestly i don't see that at all? throughout all of season 1, the single thing that drove izzy's character was her desire to protect alec, except for when she tried to save meliorn from him, which was like.... just the decent thing to do. and izzy is not a shallow character. she is not stupid. and she is not primarily driven by her own desires. that is not to say that izzy was never selfish (see: how she treated raphael, so much shit about sizzy), but she is not the kind of character who only does whatever the fuck she wants to because it sounds more fun that's jace and clary. most of the time, her primary motivation was to help alec or clary, aka people that she loves. i think that, like alec, she is the kind that only extends that protectiveness over the people closest to her and is not really the "helping everyone out" type, but she is also not completely self-absorbed like she pretended to be. and i don't think she even cared all that much about parties and whatnot. like when did we see her going to one on her own without it being a mission? when did we see izzy actually pursuing one night stands? that is not to say that these things are bad, but if izzy were that girl who only cares about sleeping around and having fun like she pretended to be, then one would think we would see her actually doing that instead of just performing that shallow mindless sexy girl stereotype?

and like look i know that she was written to be a sexy lamp or whatever but if the writers aren't gonna care enough about her to make that consistent and show her doing that beyond what she says i might as well go there and give her the depth that she deserves. especially because we got to see izzy talk about that so much. like her saying that one of the things that attracted her to raphael was that for once in her life it didn't feel like everything was all about sex. i find it appalling that people genuinely think that that's all she's about when she made it so clear that it bothered her. like imo izzy took on that role, again, to piss off her parents, and also because it was something that she was good at. she was good at being sexy and she got gratification and positive feedback over that, which she was obviously starved for since her own mother wouldn't even fucking hug her. it was the one thing she didn't fuck up at and that got her to feel like she was treasured, even if really she was just desired

not just that but izzy also consistently made hard choices for those she loved? like im not gonna say that izzy going to save meliorn from torture was anything less than the bare minimum but if she were that shallow self centered persona that only wanted to have fun and didn't care about the consequences she wouldn't have put so much on jeopardy to save them. or risk being deruned and losing everything so she could call the clave out on their bullshit. or break up with meliorn (someone we know she genuinely liked) so she could offer herself to be married off to someone in alec's place. the one thing that we know izzy would be miserable over, because that woman was not born to be no one's trophy wife. and she was fully ready and willing to throw her WHOLE life away for alec. that would be FOREVER. miss me with that "izzy is a shallow girl who only cares about herself and partying" shit

like to me it's very clear that that was a front (especially because the way she talked about it was SO over the top too, like, it sounded so fake. and when we got scenes of her talking to alec or to clary she was a wholly different person, way less confident, way softer. honestly izzy could have been such a great narrative about woc and hypersexualization and the traps of taking over that "femme fatale" role as a form of empowerment or whatever, but of course sh doesn't have the range for that) and i think that front was first and foremost for alec's sake. she was trying to break him out of the lightwood's brainwashing. what she didn't realize was that he wasn't brainwashed, he was making a choice between the very bad options that he had. and alec in turn didn't realize that izzy acted the way she did, in great part, for him, not for herself. i wouldn't say that alec bought that izzy was a shallow girl because we know how much he loves her and that he knows her better than anyone, but i think he also didn't realize she was trying to help/protect him

so it was such an interesting miscommunication issue and i would have loved to see that actually addressed and worked on, but alas. the most we ever got was them talking about being honest to each other about the yin fen. and izzy pretty much didn't get real plotlines or character development anyway daoijdaoij except for the absolute bullcrap that was the yin fen which i am not going to get into because it makes me so angry and i hate it so much

and then of course sh didn't really get into it and basically considered the problem solved once alec came out, which i mean, i guess does take that out of the way when it was the main miscommunication problem between them, but still, they should have had a talk and realized what a stupid dance they were both having and how they would have both benefitted from working together instead of in the name of each other. which is a frequent trope for alec in relationships anyway, too, so it could be a good introduction to these issues, but alas!

in short: i think both alec and izzy love each other very much, have each other's best interests at heart, but weren't really seeing each other as they were. and they both put a front for each other (izzy in particular) that made communication pretty much impossible. and they ended up not being very good for each other (particularly izzy for alec, but i think alec also made her feel alone and like he saw her as.. just some stupid girl, you know?), but i loved to see how these things were there simultaneously. the wanting to help each other and the effectively only making things worse. the love that was so present and so strong despite all of that. the way that they never became competitive or resented each other like kids who are raised with those dynamics usually get. i just love how there was so much going on and so many problems but still so much love between them. i really wished we got to see it actually get some sort of closure and more exploration, but. fuck me i guess