#also u wanna know what song is playing in my head as i read and re-read this scene

[shield-and-saber]

so anyways, welcome back mae and osha aniseya + anakin and luke skywalker

something something anakin on his knees "what have i done", mae and osha in the burning wreckage of their home "what have you done[, mae?]" "what have you done[, osha?]"

vader chopping off his own' son's hand out of anger and arrogance, luke chopping off his father's hand out of rage and desperation

AND THE WHOLE TIME, THE MOTHER (THE EMPEROR AND/OR SOL/QIMIR) WATCHES ON, I'M GOING TO THROW UP

me, dying: thanks cavan scott :) i love it :)

[uch3na]

𝙛𝙪𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙙

| pairing - jann mardenborough x afab reader

| warnings - smut, cursing, jann taking out his anger on you??? mdom, blowjob, doggy, creampie (wrap it b4 u tap it chat), a bit of a make out sesh before the actual smut, slight aftercare

| synopsis - jann comes home after losing a race, and you make him feel better

| a/n - yo this cut is insane… shoutout to my barber dawg. anotha 1 for @ludicdoll xx. (i was thinking of this song the whole time while writing)

you were sitting on you and jann’s shared bed in a (his) t-shirt and some underwear reading when he suddenly walked stormed into the house. you could hear the door slam and his keys hit the coffee table by the TV.

when he walks into the bedroom he instantly walks over to the bottom of the bed and takes off his shoes. once they’re off he stands back up to leave to go to the bathroom. you immediately know why he’s mad; he had a race earlier today. you sadly couldn’t made it due to work but could have watched it on the TV, and you ended up watching him lose. but he wouldn’t get mad at that.

would he?

“jann?” you call out to him from the room. you slowly climb out of the bed and walk up to the closed bathroom door. you can hear the sink water running but jann is still silent. when you reach to open the bathroom door you freeze a bit at first. you think you should just leave him alone, but you just wanna make sure that he’s okay.

you open the door to find him drying off his face with a towel. when he looks up into the mirror his eyes are boring into yours. “wanna talk about what happened at the race?” you finally speak out after a few moments of stillness.

you swear you see his eyes go wide just the slightest bit. he turns around and you think he’s gonna finally talk to you but he just brushes right past.

you follow him out of the bathroom into the living room. when you get close enough you reach out to grab his arm. he turns around pretty quickly but not enough to make you flinch. when he finally looks at you, you walk up closer to him, causing him to look down at you with those eyes.

the hand that is on his arm moves to his hand instead, rubbing circles on the back of it with your thumb. “tell me about what happened today.” you say while reaching up to grab his one hand with the both of yours.

jann brings his hand up to pinch his nose bridge and let out a sigh that leads into a groan.

“it’s stupid.” he says, a slight annoyance in his voice. you freeze again. shit. is that why he’s mad? he notices how you don’t say anything, and how your eyebrows furrow slightly. he also notices how your thumb stops moving on his hand. he lets out another sigh as he removes his hand from the bridge of his nose and uses it to move your hair out of your face. “i-it’s nothing, really… it’s not that important.”

you remove your hand from his when he utters those last few words. what does he mean ‘not that important’? does he not think i care about his races?

“‘not that important’ jann? what the fuck do you mean it’s not that important?” you speak out quickly.

he chuckles lightly and looks down at the floor with a shitty smirk on his face. “what else would i mean? it’s a dumb reason to be mad about. the whole crew agreed it was.” he says while reaching up to rub his eyes. he obviously is stressed from the race and just wants to relieve himself.

you reach up to his face with one of your hands and cup his cheek. he leans into your hand and takes one of his hands and puts it on top of yours. and then you guys just sat there. you loved little moments like these. where he used you to calm down, like you knew you were his safe place. your hand moves a little more towards the back of his head, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck to calm him down some more.

but then he lets out a deep exhale and when he opens his eyes he says; “i need you so bad…”

his words catch you a bit off guard but you almost immediately pull him down by the back of his neck to connect your lips with his. he lets out a soft moan of relief when he finally feels the plush of your soft lips against his. his hands go down to your hips almost instinctively to grab at your hips with his large hands. he pulls you into him, to make sure you feel his dick getting harder against your stomach.

jann slowly slips his tongue into your mouth and uses one of his hands to reach behind your head and grip your hair into a ponytail. he tilted your head back to be able to have access to your neck and jawline, leaving little kisses and licks on the skin.

he was sucking tiny hickeys into your neck, then soothing the bruises with his tongue right after.

your soft moans and whimpers at the pleasure cause him to twitch in his pants. jann was never really the type to just grab at you like that but he was just so fucking pent up right now. plus he knew if you didn’t like it, you would have made him stop by now. when he pulled away to take off his jacket you let out a whine from the loss of contact, but less than 5 seconds later his mouth was back on yours.

soon enough he carried you to the bed and sat you on his lap, groping your breasts through the fabric of your shirt. when you pulled away from his lips you could see a look of confusion mixed with lust on his face. but as soon as he saw you climbing off his lap onto your knees in front of him, his confusion turned into a more relaxed expression.

when you got to his pants you could already tell he was painfully hard just by looking at the tent in his pants. you cupped his clothed dick in your hand, rubbing it to give him a bit of relief but soon enough he got impatient. jann grabbed your chin to make you look up at him. “cmon… enough w the teasing. be good f’me baby.”

its almost like a trance. right after he utters those words, your fingers nimbly began to unbuckle his belt and unzip his fly. when you pull his pants down you can see a stain of precum on his underwear. you put your hand in his boxers, causing him to hiss out suddenly from the way your hand felt around him. god. he felt like he was gonna come undone already.

you look up at him with full eye contact as you slowly pull his hard cock out of his underwear fully. his eyes are low and his mouth is slightly parted, tiny groans escaping him. when you take him into your mouth he chokes out a moan and instantly reaches up to grab your hair in a fist. jann got lost in a daze watching you suck him off. he always thought you looked so pretty with your lips around his dick.

soon enough, he started to pant out and his groans began to get louder as you bobbed your head up and down on him. then all of a sudden he lifted your head up — grabbing you by the chin to bring you into a kiss. you two were sloppily eating at each others faces. almost like starved animals.

you were already soaked from everything that was happening so when jann pulled you into arms again just to flip you onto your hands and knees he could see the wet patch that stained your panties. “so fuckin’ wet… so damn greedy — just want me to fill this pretty pussy don’t you?” he leans down behind you to whisper in your ear.

jann reaches down between the both of you to pull your underwear to the side, revealing your sopping wet cunt to him. he then fisted his cock, stroking it a few times before lining himself up with your slick entrance. when he begins to push in inch by inch you swear you begin to tear up with how big and thick he is.

he was fully nestled inside of your warmth when he reached up to grab a fistful of your hair and setting his pace. jann’s hips started smacking against the plush of your ass with each thrust.

“jann… ple—ase,“ you whimper out.

“sh- shh sweetheart… don’t talk just lemme hear those little noises you make.” he said as he picked up the pace of each thrust. he was going fast and deep. he moved his hand from your hair and used it to grab your face, thick fingers digging into your soft cheeks.

he started peppering tiny, cute kisses across your face. he was doing such a sweet thing while breaking you.

when jann looked down between the both of you, he swore he was in heaven. he could see where he was sliding in and out of you perfectly and the white ring you left around his pretty cock. it was like a mark you left on him to show that he was yours and you were his.

you could feel his pattern faltering as his hips began to stutter. his groans turned into moans and they went higher in pitch each time your hips smacked back onto his. he leaned down to plant kisses along the small of your back as your voice began to crack from how loud you’ve been. “oh- oh fuck — im gonna cu-“ is all you hear before you can feel jann spill into you.

soon enough after, you let out a loud whine as you feel yourself cum on his cock.

the room smells like sex and the air is hot and heavy. the only thing you can hear is the sound of both of you panting, trying to catch your breath. when jann pulls out of your warmth, he hisses sharply though his teeth. he was still kissing from your neck to your jawline all the way down to your lower back.

a little while later, jann had cleaned the both of you up and gotten some new clothes for you to wear to bed. you were on top of him with your face buried in his neck while his hands were tangled in your hair. every so often he would lean down to plant a kiss onto your lips or cheek. his large hand went underneath your (his) shirt to trace small shapes on your back.

“was i too much?” he finally says to break the silence.

you stirred a bit in the position you were in but he could feel you shake your head ‘no.’ jann lets out a dry laugh at the way you responded to him. he reaches up with his free hand to grab your chin and gives you a sensual kiss on the lips.

“thank you for helping me love…”

[hannamoon143]

Die with a Smile

Nobody‘s promised tomorrow

So imma love you every night like it‘s the last night

Cause i wanna hold you just for a while, and die with a smile

༘⋆ ❅ ･:*:｡ ❆

Words: 5,2k

Genre: angst, fluff, comfort(…?), christmas

Hyunjin x fem. Reader

Warnings: Cancer!!!! So sickness, food, crying, sickingly sweet fluff, fears, , all i want for christmas by mariah carey (yes that needs a warning),death,non-sexual nudity (they r just bathing), cinnamon (sorry but- warning needed),

A/n: hi! I had so much fun writing this, and it‘s also for the StayblrHolidayEvent . I hope yall enjoy this also since it‘s my first christmas fic. Also as u can see it’s a bit inspired from die with a smile (bruno mars & lady gaga). Basically It’s just those lines i wrote over there kinda inspired me how to write the emotions and thoughts and stuff. So now, take ur hot chocolate, a fuzzy blanket and read! Merry christmas and happy holidays to yall🎄💕✨

You were laying down next to hyunjin, watching the other guys in front of you, while he was sketching most probably them or the decorated livingroom, or just the whole scene in front of him. Felix, Chan and Minho had come over, and now they were laughing as they decorated your tree, the rest of the livingroom, and singing christmas songs. The christmas joy had definitely taken over them, also if you couldn‘t really feel anything of it.„Don‘t you wanna get up and help them?“ Hyunjin mumbled quietly to you, not looking up from his sketch. He did that so often lately. He sketched simple scenes or things he saw, shutting almost everything else out. As if he wanted to remember everything to the smallest detail. „No, i‘m good here with you.“ You responded, laying your head on his shoulder. He sighed quietly, and kept drawing in silence for a while, the only noise was the guys bantering and christmas songs playing in the background. Then he spoke up again, quietly. „Y/nnie, you don‘t have to always sit around me and baby me alright? Don‘t think i don‘t know why you are doing this, and don‘t think i didn‘t hear you crying in the bathroom. I‘m well aware of the situation, but why can‘t we just make the best out of it? I feel like all this is getting to you more than to me, when it‘s literally me who is going to die.“ You froze at his words.

Last christmas, hyunjin had been diagnosed with cancer, and the worst was it was a type that could never be healed. They had told you that he had about one more year to live. That time you broke down entirely, and already there it was you who seemed to be more affected than him. But over a bit time you started acting normal again, not constantly being around him and doing everything for him. But now the year was coming to an end, and christmas was standing on the frontdoor. With that everything came back. You suddenly were all over him, not once leaving his side, and everytime he wanted to get up or something you pressed him down and did whatever he wanted to do for him.

The worst was you could feel it. Somewhere inside you had always hoped that the doctors were just wrong and hyunjin wouldn’t die in the next sixty years. But you saw that they were right. The way he slowly began to always eat a bit less than before, the way the circles under his eyes got darker, and his cheekbones more visible. You hated it. You didn’t hate him of course, you could never, but you hated this stupid cancer and what it was doing to your hyunjin. It was taking him painfully slow out of this world. With him getting worse you were too. You wanted to be strong for him, and for him to have the happiest last christmas ever but you couldn’t help it, the weight of the fact that soon he wouldn’t be there anymore was dragging you down too much, when you knew that it only hurt him more to see you like this, altough you always tried to hide it.

So there you were now. You stiffened and took your head off his shoulder, to look him in the eye. „Don‘t say it like that hyun-“

„No, i will in fact say it like that, cause i‘m not gonna lie to any of us for longer.I know that i‘m going to die, and you know it too okay? So why can‘t we enjoy the time left, and just do everything like we used to, instead of you constantly acting like i‘m some kind of fragile doll that could break at any moment? You acting like a overprotective mom isn‘t gonna change a single thing, as much as it hurts to hear that. Think about it y/n. Because i don‘t want to sit on this couch or in my bed the rest of my life. I‘m not doing this y/n.“ His voice was thick with emotion, and he had kicked his sketchbook away. He stood up, in fact needing a bit time to get up, and to lean onto the wall, but he went into your room, shutting the door. You stared at the closed door, with an empty hollow gaze. The other guys now excused themself and left. But before he left, chan said to you with a guilty smile: „Not everything he said is true, but you should think about some parts. Bye y/nnie.“

Now you were left alone in the silence. Hyunjin’s sketchbook was laying open on the floor, and the pages were a bit scaped now. He was going to be mad at himself for that later. You picked it up, wanting to close it, but then you saw his sketch from today. It wasn’t the scene in front of him, it was you, looking a bit sad. Under the drawing he wrote

My sad girl, 2024

When is she gonna be my happy girl again?

A tear ran down your cheek. He was always very empathetic and he hated when you felt down. Why hadn‘t you thought of the fact that you being like this only weighed him more down?

You cuddled up under the blanket that was still warm from hyunjin, tears slowly falling down. You knew he was right. Of course he wanted to enjoy his life, as long as he was still able to. Because no matter what you were going to do, it wasn‘t gonna change anything anyways, so why not enjoy instead of being sad and regretful when he was still with you, still breathing, still being able to smile at you?

After a while you could finally get yourself to go to him again. You braced yourself and got up, knocking on the door of your shared room. He just faintly sniffled. You opened the door slowly, seeing him huddled up under a blanket. He was crying, and it broke your heart. Hyunjin was a sensitive guy, and he hated arguing with loved ones more than anything, so you should have known that this would get to him, also if he was acting careless and tough. You kept being quiet, just sitting down on your side of the bed. You started stroking his hair, at wich he only started crying more. After a while of being like this in silence, the only sounds his quiet crying and the air cnditioner in the background, he lowered the blanket and looked at you with red eyes. „I don‘t want to die either y/n. I just… i‘m trying to be strong cause you are hurting so much,and i‘m so sorry for leaving you alone my love-“ His voice broke, and more tears spilled over onto his red cheeks. You opened your arms for him, and he didn‘t hesitate. He immediately moved a bit so his head was laying on your chest now. Quickly you wrapped your arms around him, kissing his head, while a few tears trailed down your cheeks too. Of course you knew. „I know, i know hyunnie. But you don‘t need to be strong all the time. I can‘t cure the cancer, but we are in this together. You can tell me how you feel, and i will give you space when you need it, but be by your side whenever you want it too. And i also promise to not act like a overprotective mom anymore.“ He chuckled a bit through his tears at that, wich made you do so too. „See, everything‘s okay. You are not alone, and as long as we can spend time together, i’ll be with you, trying to make your time left the best you ever had. How about tomorrow we make a christmas day? Like we go to the christmas market, bake gingerbread in the afternoon and sing christmas songs, all while we have ugly christmas sweaters on?“ you both started laughing, the tears finally stopping. He nodded,his face squished against your hoodie now, and his breathing was evening out. Maybe you really shouldn‘t take everything that serious. Because now it wasn‘t that point where you would have to say goodbye. You had no idea how much, but you had some time left to spend together, and you would try to make the best out of it. You would love him till the very end, and even after that, you‘d still do so. And as long as he was next to you would also tell him that, and make sure that when he had to go, he would do so in peace. So you closed your eyes, and in this little moment, everything that mattered was hyunjin, entirely squished against you, and you, holding him, as long as you could. The stars could have looked down at you two that night, and altough hyunjin was sick, and paths of the tears that you both cried earlier still lingered on your cheeks, they would have seen you two shine brighter than ever, the light not leaving, as long as you were together.

The next morning you woke up, a white comforter draped over you, and you almost had a heart attack when hyunjin was nowhere near. But then you saw him, walking in with a big grin, and one of the matching ugly christmas sweaters you had bought together sometime on.You started laughing, still half asleep and in a groggy voice. „You look…. Interesting.“ hyunjin laughed and threw something at you. It was your christmas sweater. You sighed, and you did your best to put a serious face on. His smile dropped. „Oh no- no- don‘t say you changed your mind.“ You broke out in a laugh and jumped up, putting the sweater over your pajama shirt. „God you are going to make me die even sooner with the heart attacks you give me.“ Hyunjin dramatically exhaled, gripping his chest. You just rolled your eyes at that. You were glad he was his usual dramatic self, the weight in the room that you both somehow created the past weeks, seemingly gone, replaced by a lighthearted joyful mood.

So you dressed the rest of yourself, grabbed your things and left the apartment with hyunjin. He had insisted to eat waffles at his favorite coz cafe around the corner, and not have one of your healthy breakfasts at home. You had given in, so now you were walking there, both wrapped up in coats, and fuzzy scarfs. It was cold outside, and the wind blew. There were faint smells of gingerbread and cinnamon in the air, telling you it was really getting christmas now. Well christmas was already tomorrow so how could it be different? You went into the cafe and hyunjin picked a spot at the window. On the pastell green walls there were everywhere pretty pictures, and the chairs were all different, each one looking vintage and really comfy. You ordered two waffles and two hot chocolates. As you sat there in the cozy fluffy chair, you looked at him. He looked the same as yesterday, and the days before but something was different. It wasn‘t the pink shade on his nose from the cold, or neither the Christmas sweater. No, it was that his eyes sparkled. They sparkled like they didn‘t in a long time. Maybe he was right? Maybe this was what he needed, not your experimental healthy food (that didn’t even taste good, eugh) and constant sitting around at home. Hyunjin shook you out of your thoughts. „Why are you staring?“

You shook your head with a little smile. „You‘re pretty today.“

He just laughed, assuming you were joking because of the sweater.

Your waffles and hot chocolate were served and hyunjin got excited like a kid, and immediately started munching them. You giggled, and secretly took a picture with your phone. Then you started eating too. The waffles tasted like christmas and happiness. You had never eaten such good waffles before. Maybe it was also just the feeling to sit here and eat them with hyunjin, entirely lighthearted and happy for the first time in weeks. As you were highly concentrated on your food, hyunjin suddenly spoke up. „I love you, you know that? And i always will, even when you can‘t see me anymore. But don‘t worry, i‘ll look at you getting older, achieving your dreams, and doing everything you want to, because i know you’ll do so well, even without me. And i‘ll protect you, from wherever i will be going. You‘ll always be my muse y/n.“ He sounded sincere, not sarcastic like when he was being dramatic, though he kept on eating his waffles, like he didn‘t just say something that almost made you cry and want to hold him for the rest of your life. You looked at him, tears building up a bit behind your eyes. „Hyunnie… I love you too, and always will. I don‘t know if i ever can fully move on though,… because i will always think of you when i look at the moon shining bright on the dark night sky, or when i look at the town around christmastime, everything tinted in a soft glow and everything smelling like gingerbread.“ You said, but you weren‘t as desperate and almost seeming like you would break down at any moment, like it was just a few days ago when he started talking about his death. No, you were calm, and a little, sad smile played on your lips. He was done with his waffles now, and leaned over the table to cup your cheek in his warm hand. „It‘s okay y/nnie. Grieving i a natural and healthy part of when someone you love is dying. And it‘s okay to cry, scream or vent to someone. But please don‘t do all that alone hm? I talked to the boys a few days ago, and they have all grown so close to you too over the years, they will support you, and you can grieve together. Know that you are not alone y/n, never. And i‘ll always be somewhere in there.“ He pointed at where your heart was. „And you are the strongest, bravest woman i know, so i know that you will be able to somewhat move on someday. Oh but i have one little request. Please never forget me, no matter what you choose to do in the future. I like the idea of you being reminded of me when looking at the moon or while the christmas season. I hope you are being reminded of me in a good way though, and not like a haunting nightmare way.“ He chuckled at the last part a bit. And you smiled too.

„I would never forget you love, and don’t worry about it, you‘ll always be my dream, never my nightmare.“

„Oh but one more thing. Don’t be afraid of me dying, while i’m still here. Everything is gonna be okay.“ He smiled. You both looked into each other‘s eyes for a moment there, and it felt like nothing else was existing right now. No other people, no sadness, and no cancer. Just hyunjin‘s mesmerizing dark eyes looking into yours.

You two were walking out the cafe, hand in hand, now going to the little christmas market hyunjin adored since you took him there for the first time. Since then he didn‘t spend a singly christmas season without going there.

Your breaths were coming out in little white clouds, and you put your head on hyunjin‘s shoulder. He took his hand out of yours,and instead lovingly wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you close, and pressing a kiss to your head. You loved when he did that. If only you could stop time now, and walk in the joyful town forever with your boyfriend.

But soon you heard happy children‘s laughter, and smelled cinammon. No doubt that there was the christmas market. Hyunjin started smiling like crazy. He loved the fact that he got to see this for the last time with you. No, he wouldn’t be sad that it was the last time today, and regret things. No, he would just be so, so glad to spend this day here, forgetting the cancer that usually weighed him down, for a while. It seemed like a gift that he got this day, being with his favorite person in probably his favorite place.

Soon enough he saw a stand, with cute handmade christmas decorations. He immediately went over there, and made a adorable noise.

„Looooook y/n, it‘s a ferret with a scarf, and it looks like my scarf! We need to adopt him and hang him on our tree. I feel our bond, so no arguing on this one.“ He said dead serious. You laughed, looking at the ferret. You almost forgot how excited hyunjin always got at the christmas market, and how you had to convince him to not buy literally everything he saw. But you nodded on this one, the little deco really looking a bit like hyunjin right now, with his cute red nose and the adorable smile on his face. He went to the man who was selling it, and even gave him more money than the ferret costed. The guy happily wished him merry christmas and waved. Hyunjin just loved to make people happy, and why not do that especially now? He took your hand in his again, walking by the other stands, the shimmer of the fairylights hanging on all the stands mirroring the one in his eyes. As you were slowly walking, you, literally trying to convince hyunjin to not buy a gigantic wolf statue from the eighteenth century for chan(He was so silly, he had to gift everyone the most random things for christmas with the simple explanation: I saw that and thought of you), you suddenly felt something cold on your face. Hyunjin seemed to feel it too, because he looked up and immediately his whole face lit up even more if that was possible. „Omg Y/n it‘s snowing! This is just a perfect day, even the weather with it‘s beautiful snow is on our side.“ He talked, not really paying attention to what he was saying, just mesmerized by the white crystals.

Sometimes you took a bit time, just to admire the way he got excited over little things, in a way you would usually see it only with kids. Those moments, when joy was literally radiating from him you felt so much love and admiration for him that you could combust. You just wanted to snap a hundred pictures with that adorable smile and the shine in his eyes, and keep them forever in your heart. You brushed his hair out of his face, and your hand lingered on his cheek for a bit longer. „You‘re right hyun, this is the perfect day.“ You whispered. He just continued smiling, then lowered down to kiss you. You didn‘t feel the cold snow on your skin anymore, only your boyfriends soft lips, that tasted like cinammon and warmness, pressed to yours. As you pulled away, your foreheads were resting against each other, and you felt his warm breath on your face. „Let‘s go home now, then we can bake gingerbread and show mini Jinnie his new home.“ you giggled at his words, and nodded, your eyes not leaving his.

You walked through your apartment door, both of you giggling like lovesick fools. You took your shoes and coat off, but suddenly your feet got sweeped off the floor, and you were being carried by hyunjin. „Yah, stop it!! The doctor said no heavy lifting!“ You slapped his arm in an attempt to make him let you down but you couldn‘t even hold in your own laugh. He shook his head and dramatically said: „If not now, then when should i carry you bridal style, my lady?“ You playfully slapped his arm again and threw your head back in laughter. He just fondly smiled, lowering his head down to kiss you on the cheek, and then he carried you into the kitchen. The other guys seemed to also have decorated the kitchen because beautiful fairy lights were hung over the stoves, and some more decoration, including a mistletoe, was placed perfect. When hyunjin stopped under the mistletoe you started shaking your head. „No jinnie don‘t. Please, that‘s so cheesy,don‘t do it.“ You whined, knowing exactly he would in fact do it.He grinned and asked „May i?“ He didn‘t wait for an answer, he just softly laid his lips on yours, the kiss so tender like always. Both of you closed your eyes, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. After a while you slowly pulled away, and he murmured a soft „love you my muse“. You hid your face in the crook of his neck, smiling. „Love you too hyunnie“ your words were muffled against his sweater, but he didn‘t mind. He wouldn‘t want to be anywhere else in the world right now.

You went into the kitchen, and hyunjin let you down. You started preparing everything for gingerbread, and soon christmas songs were filling the air. With the fairy lights on, everything was tinted in a soft, cozy glow.

As you were just done with the dough and had placed it to rest somewhere ‘all i want for christmas‘ started playing. „Oh my favorite christmas song.“ He chimed, preparing a spoon as a microphone. You looked at him in shock. „Sorry what?? Don‘t tell me we are together for literally six years, and i had no idea that your favorite christmas song is all i want for christmas. How can you have these muscles, and act all flirty but suddenly be like a lovesick teeny girl?“

A endearing pout played on his lips. „It‘s a classical, don‘t judge me!“ You sighed but started giggling. As the refrain of the song came, hyunjin threw his hair back (Nuh uh seriously, who was this diva?) and he began to loudly sing into the spoon. You laughed, but couldn‘t resist him. You grabbed a spoon toom, and put it up to your mouth, singing along with him. He then wrapped his one arm around your waist, and with the other one he held his ‘microphone‘ , singing „All i want for christmasss is youuuuu“ And then pointing at you. You started dancing around together too. In a little clumsy pirouette move, where you would never think this man was a professional dancer, Hyunjin accidentally threw a bag of flour off the stove. In only a few seconds you both and the whole floor were coated in a thick layer of flour. For a moment you were both flabbergasted, but soon you bursted out laughing, and hyunjin just kept singing like it was nothing. This whole moment felt so heartwarming and silly, you just knew this was one of those moments you would still think of in twenty years. Hyunjin ended his little concert with one more time singing the refrain line and then he picked you up and swirled you around, the flour flying around in the air. You squealed, not expecting it, wich only made him chuckle. As he let you down again, he pulled you close again, pressing a kiss to your forehead, not caring that now flour was on his lips.„I love you so much.“

You giggled, wrapping your arms around him, so now you were both wrapped up tightly in each others embrace, not caring about the fact that you were just distributing the flour even more.

„You said that so often today.“

„Yes because i never ever want you to forget it, alright love?“ he held you jut a bit tighter, and you felt his nose nuzzling against your neck.

„alright.“

„Good. Let‘s just stay like this for a little while longer? You look cute in flour.“

„As long as you want to.“ you smiled softly and laid your head against his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

After a while the flour got a bit itchy though, you both had to admit. So you went into your room, getting some clothes for you and hyunjin, while he went into the bathroom to run a bath. You took your matching christmas pajamas, the fluffy one with gingerbread men on it. As you came into the bathroom, hyunjin was turning on the water, putting some of your favorite cinammon-bath salt in it. He had also lit some candles, and turned off the big light, so the whole bathroom was tinted in golden light. You both undressed, and you stepped into the tub first, sitting down at the end of it. Hyunjin waited and raised a brow. „Don‘t you want me to sit behind you like usual? You always like when i massage your scalp, or your tense shoulders“ You gently smiled up to him. „Today i‘m gonna do all that for you. It was so wonderful to just forget everything today, and with the christmas market and the snow, everything was just perfect. But you‘re still my sick baby. So sit down, today it‘s me who is gonna massage your scalp.“ Hyunjin‘s eyes filled with tears, and a fond smile crept up to his lips. He got into the bathtub too, sitting down between your legs, like you usually did with him. You soon gently started to run your fingers through his hair, and he closed his eyes, cherishing the feeling. After a while you felt his muscles completely relax, and his breathing get slow and steady, almost like his body was melting into yours. You held him tight, one hand still in his hair, and from time to time you kissed his shoulder, like he always did to you.

After a while when you almost thought he had fallen asleep he murmured: „The water‘s getting cold.“

You hummed. „Let‘s get out, and get you to sleep jinnie.“

„But the gingerbread.“ He mumbled, but his eyes were already closed. You smiled and he whined as you got up and out of the tub. „We can still make the little gingerbread men, and ferrets and whatever you want, tomorrow.“ You took a fluffy towel, and wrapped it around yourself. Then you got another one, and tried dragging hyunjin out of the water.

„But then it‘s already christmas day. That‘s against the rules my lady.“ You chuckled at his sleepy confused mumbling. „We are making our own rules.“ You took the towel and slowy dried him off. Then you softly pushed him down to sit on the bathtub edge and put him on his pajamas. „You are taking care of me so well love… Never gonna stop loving you, i‘ll protect my muse at all costs, even when i‘m not physically with you anymore.“ He mumbled, so incoherent and sleep drunken you almost didn‘t understand it. „I know jinnie, i know. Now let‘s get you to bed, hm?“ He whined, and after you quickly put on your own pajamas too, you helped him get up and you both went to bed. As he laid down, you pulled the comforter up to his chin, lovingly stroking his hair. Then you got into bed too, closing your eyes. When you were already at the edge of sleep you suddenly heard hyunjin speak up again. „Y/n?“

„Hmm?“ „Please say it back“

„What are you talking bout.“

„That you love me. I‘m so tired already, but somehow i feel like i won‘t fall asleep if you don‘t say it.“

If you would have thought about that, maybe you could have somewhere already thought that it was coming. Hyunjin‘s pure soul was bracing itself for something, as if he knew.

„I love you. Forever and ever.“

And then you both drifted off.

When you woke up, you didn‘t immediately open your eyes. But you knew. You felt it. You could never describe this feeling, or how you would know, but you had no doubt your hyunjin was somewhere else now. Somewhere far away. And when you finally did open your eyes you took a second to breathe in. You slowly sat up and braced yourself. Then you looked to your side. There he was, looking like he was sleeping peacefully. You didn‘t know if you were imagining that or if it was real but it seemed like even a small smile was laying on his lips. You were oddly calm, as you stood up, and walked around to hyunjin‘s side.

You crouched down next to the bed, and with a slight tremble you took his hand in yours. It was still a bit warm. You pressed a kiss to it, as a silent tear rolled down your cheek. „Hey hyunnie. I don‘t know if you can hear me, but i just want to tell you that i love you okay? Don‘t forget that. And i hope you weren‘t in pain when it happened. Just know that you can peacefully go wherever you are supposed to go now. It‘s okay for me. I will continue living, also if the pain of your absence will daily remind me of the fact that you aren‘t with me anymore. But that‘s okay. I thought that this pain is the worst, but it makes me remember you, and that‘s what i want to do for the rest of my life, so actually i will be okay with it. That day yesterday was really a perfect day, as you said. I guess somehow our souls knew that soon they would have to say goodbye to each other. It helped me realize that when you die i won‘t have to act all strong, and feel like suffocating when i‘m alone. Oh by the way, i‘ll call the guys soon, and tell them. Then i‘ll bake our gingerbreadmen okay? And i‘ll be taking good care of mini jinnie, so you don‘t have to worry about him and his little scarf.“ You smiled through the tears running down your cheeks, that were silently landing on the bed next to hyunjin.

„So hyunnie, i bet you are wating for me to finish my dramatic boring speech so you can finally go in peace, hm? I wish you merry christmas my one and only love.“ You kissed his hand tenderly for the last time, a single little tear dripping down onto it.

Taglist: @0omillo0 @lina-linny @darqlys

@onementally-unstabel-kid @idek6758 @sadie-tucker @kozumesphone

@urlocalmultigroupfan @thoughtfularbiternightmare @lezleeferguson-120

@stayblrofficial hello this is my submission for the stayblrholiday event! For some reason I can’t send y’all the link but yeah I hope tagging is okay too!<3

[atinyniki]

Hihihi<3 I was thinking of Seungmin or Lee know (you can chose) with a idol!Gf that gets hurt during a award show.. maybe falling off a wobbly platform 8ft in the air? (We don’t brear our back). What would his reaction be? I know it’s kinda cruel but Its been on my mind for a week.. if it makes u uncomfy ignore this and forget u ever read it<3 Ty in advance<333

i'll take care of you.

group: stray kids !

pairing: idol!kim seungmin x idol f!reader

genre: hurt/comfort, angst, fluff

warnings + additional info: reader is referred to as y/n, crying, reader fractures her ankle, kissing, play fighting, seungmin wants to murder someone, reader falls from a platform, lots of petnames, just rlly cute and fluffy at the end, seungmin is really scared, injuries, established relationships, munhee is a member of y/ns gg.

authors note: ik this was supposed to be more angsty but im literally head over heels for softie seungmin so here you go :P thank you for the ask annonie !! this is also not proofread. english is not my first language, so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. happy reading :)

wc: 1344

“hey hey hey, don’t be nervous my love… you’ll do amazing, i know it.”

“i’ve never done this in front of such a crowd before… what if they don’t like me, min?”

“oh baby… they’ll love you, i promise. and if anything happens on stage, your members will be there to back you up, yeah?”

you give him a hug, he always knew how to calm you down in moments like these. you suppose it’s because of his own experiences, especially considering the amount of award shows he’s been at. 

“i love you, seungminnie…”

“i love you too, baby. now go! you don’t wanna miss your cue. i’ll be in the audience, i promise.”

you give him a quick kiss, shooting up from the seat to go meet your members. seungmin leaves too, sitting down at stray kids’ respective table.

“excited?”, jeongin asks from beside him.

��of course i am! i’m so proud of her…”

his eyes stay fixed on the stage, waiting for your performance to start. the lights dim, and he sits up straight. it’s time for your performance.

there’s no point in recording, he knows they’ll have a fancam. right now, he just wants to watch his baby shine. 

and you do. you look absolutely gorgeous on stage, the lights hitting you at the perfect angles. the track starts, and the crowd starts cheering.

so many people, just for five girls performing. the first song is a ballad, something slow to set the mood. it’s one of your favorite songs from the comeback.

though munhee wrote the song due to her own experiences, your voice carries the same amount of emotion hers does, and it makes the lyrics sound so much more authentic.

seungmin watches from the crowd, he truly thinks he might cry. the rest of the boys are in awe too, some members of gidle clasping their hands over their mouths in surprise.

everyone is used to you doing intricate dances with upbeat music, and they’ve truly never been able to appreciate your vocals.

then it hits the climax of the song, ending with a high note you must complete. as scared you are of heights, you know it’s inevitable. the platforms will go up, whether you like it or not.

its a small space that you have to maintain, but you try your best to focus on the song. and now, you have to sing.

you close your eyes, letting out your voice, and it sounds absolutely angelic. and then you open them again once you hear the low whirring of the platforms.

they all go up. 

except for yours.

nonetheless, you continue singing, determined to keep your professionalism throughout the entire bridge. and then the song ends. the platforms finally lower back down, and all of you wait for your cues to leave.

once you see it, you take a step.

you shouldn’t have.

all of a sudden, your platform shoots all the way up. eight feet in the air. before you have time to process, it wobbles side to side and you fall off.

thud.

seungmin stands up instantly, rushing to get backstage. he doesn’t care how many people hes pushed and shoved, but he needs to know that you’re okay.

and then a shrill scream fills the air, and his heart stops. it feels like your entire foot is about to fall off, the pressure from your fall crushing it under your weight.

he continues running as fast as he can, getting backstage before you can even blink. “baby? oh my god…”

you’re still crying from the pain, being set onto a stretcher for your leg. “it hurts…”

“i know baby… i know. you’ll be okay…”

they finally get you onto a comfortable bed, evaluating the damage to your ankle. luckily there’s no blood, the medics assume that it’s broken.

“seungmin… you’re on soon.”

“i’m not performing. jeongin’s filling in for me today.”

“what? but you practiced…”

“please… let me stay. i just want to help you feel better…”

you grab onto his hand, trying your best to reassure him that you’re okay. he doesn’t budge, so you just give up on it. 

“you did amazing, angel.”

“thank you…”

“no, really. i mean it. you kept it incredibly professional out there. plus the song was way outside your comfort zone, it was just amazing to hear you sing like that.”

“seungmin…”

“i’m going to kill whoever fucking did that to you. normally they’re more careful with these things… i should’ve had them double check or something. i’m sorry”

“hey, it’s not your fault. please don’t worry… it’s just my ankle. i’ll be fine, really.”

“but you’re hurt. if we had done a test before to check… maybe you wouldn’t have to be here…”

you smile, grabbing onto his hand and bringing it up to your lips to plant a small kiss over his wrist. “it was just a malfunction. it was out of our control, min.”

he clutches onto your hand tighter, his heart fluttering when he looks at you again. the black lightning-like streaks paint your face, eyes still slightly glossed over and nose red.

you’re so worn down, but you still look beautiful as ever. he prefers you like this, natural and authentic. you still look just as beautiful, but the black streaks have his heart clenching.

suddenly, he gets up, picking you up and moving you to the side a little. he’s extra careful not to apply any pressure to your ankle. he knows you’re in enough pain already.

he sits down in the empty space next to you, pulling your head to his chest. “you promise you’re okay? no discomfort?”

“it hurts of course, but other than that, no.”

“i’m so sorry…”

“baby, it’s really not your fault.”

he rubs up and down your arms, more so to soothe himself rather than you, and you smile up at him. you place a small kiss on the corner of his lips, as far as you can reach without moving your legs.

“i’m okay…”

“i love you, gorgeous.”

“i love you too, minnie.”

the medics finally come back, telling you that it’s only a fracture. you’re lucky you don’t need a cast, but you still need to heal for a little while.

“thank god you’re okay…”

“seungmin—“

“you’re not going anywhere without me for the next couple days, okay? i’ll take care of you, i promise…”

“seungmin, you really don’t have to—“

he cuts you off again.

“but i want to.”

you giggle again, you didn’t think he’d react this way. but of course he was going to be overprotective, what did you expect?

you lean over to plant one more kiss onto his jaw, and he pulls you onto his lap. “seungmin, i think you’re more upset about this than me…”

“of course i’m upset! they hurt my baby…”

“it doesn’t even hurt that bad anymore… im fine. you don’t have to worry about me.”

he pulls you flush against his chest, nuzzling his face into your neck. you giggle at him, a little confused as to why he’s licking you, but you stop once you realize that it’s not saliva.

they’re tears.

“it could have been so much worse…”

you wipe the tears from his face, smiling once you see him clearly again. “why are you crying?”

he sighs lightly, giggling when he realizes how he’s acting. “nothing, i’m just… glad you’re okay.”

you smile at him, holding his hand again and trying to sit up. it doesn’t work of course, seungmins arms are wrapped tightly around your waist.

“let me go!”

you thrash around in his arms, but he only holds onto you tighter, giggling as he watches. 

“seungmin!”, you whine.

“they said you needed rest!”

“that doesn’t mean you have to be completely attached to me!”

he rolls his eyes playfully, planting a kiss onto the top of your head. “actually, thats exactly what it means.”

“i hate you, kim seungmin.”, you grumble. you turn to look at him, scoffing once you see him wink.

“love you too, babe.”

<3

[blue-jisungs]

a night to remember

[ song inspo ! ] a night to remember by laufey, beabadoobee

[ author’s note ! ] ive been waiting for AGES to write something borderline psychological/lucid dream-y so HERE YALL GO tbh im proud of this one & u got to see how my brain works on a daily basis (chaos :3)

[ req ! ] yes, here by @slytherinshua <3 hope u like it since i knda went off track teehee

[ summary ! ] riwoo isnt sure which reality is real. or, is there even one sigle reality - are you his? or are you his dream?

[ extras ! ] can be read as both non idol / idol riwoo; ansgty if u look at it, kind of an open ending. its kind of like a puzzle but i dont wanna spoil it - and also, do let me know ur theories hehe<3

[ word count ! ] 1702

[ net ! ] @onedoornet

sanghyeok entered the cafe, headphones playing his recent favorite music. he sat down at his usual spot, in the corner of the room. that way he always had a view for the whole place.

his routine was always the same: order, busy himself until you come in. you either talk or ignore him and then… right. then what? then sanghyeok kind of blacks out, he can never remember how he got home so late.

therefore, he’s stirring his vanilla latte and counting the navy colored sprinkles on his donut. it clearly wasn’t fresh – and naturally, bought from a store. he abhorred this cafe. the sweets were usually old and hard as a rock and their coffee was bitter, too watery for his liking. actually, he hated coffee.

but yet, somehow, he was always here.

he was always here ordering this awful food and horrendous coffee (hell, even their lemonade tastes like water from washing machine after cleaning it with lemon soap). waiting for you. just to look at him. to chat with him.

to kiss him.

“hyeok!”

his eyes shot up and met yours, scrunched in a smile. he straightened his back and waved at you, signaling you to sit down.

but you came up to him and pressed a soft kiss onto his cheek. due to your close proximity he took a deep breath to enjoy your scent. you always smelled like fresh laundry, almost like his pillows and duvets.

“how are you?” you hummed sweetly, voice far more sugary than the donut he ordered. sitting in front of him, you didn’t wait for his answer.

sanghyeok just nodded with a grin, heart easing. you came, after all. your melodic voice started gradually transitioning into an unpleasant ringing in his ears.

riwoo opened his eyes, body jolting forward. he fell asleep.

shaking his head, he blinked away the remains of sleep. reattaching the hand from his chin that he used to prop himself, he felt sore. staying too long in the same position again, he looked around.

the cafe was almost empty. a couple of people he could swear he had seen before and some employees.

riwoo looked at his non-touched order, coffee cold and the foam completely dissolved.

with a heavy sigh he packed his belongings and put his earphones in, heading home.

empty streets were soaked with darkness, only occasional street lamps guiding him home. there and here shadows of passing people followed him, some of them morphing into various shapes rather than being human alike.

he finally slipped back home, too tired and devastated to change into pyjamas.

falling with his headphones on the bed, breathing in the scent of his bed, he–

“hyeok, are you even listening?” your voice hugged him, surrounding all his senses, in a slightly choking hold.

“yes, yes. i just– i missed you” he grinned and felt your hand on his back, rubbing it in a reassuring motion.

“you’re so cute, always daydreaming about me even when i’m next to you” you whispered into his ear.

sanghyeok faced you, something in your eye reminding him of somebody he used to know.

“wait, excuse me. what’s your name, again?”

for a split second your face morphed into fear.

“l/n y/n, silly. i’m your partner” you cocked your head, furrowing your brows a bit “you seem distracted today”

“i just… i thought i was dreaming” he mumbled. something about your touch was unclear, slightly blurry. but maybe he was just making things up.

“i can tell. let me order you another coffee. your macchiato already went cold” you hummed and pressed a tender kiss onto his lips. your comforting scent filled his nostrils.

“right” sanghyeok nodded, zoning out and looking at the piece of carrot cake in front of him. the icing looked ickingly, fluorescently white. unnaturally and fakely.

this day was exhausting. uni was kicking ass and he kind of pushed his limits by going to the gym earlier.

“i ordered. okay, now tell me, where are you taking me tomorrow?” you asked excitedly, sparkles in your eyes.

“tomorrow?” sanghyeok repeated in small voice, scanning your features. he had to blink twice so they sharpened in his eyes.

“yeah! we have our one year anniversary tomorrow! come on, hyeok” you whined, tugging his sleeve. “you told me you have a surprise!”

“i… i do, yeah. i do have a surprise!” he answered with a smile. it must have totally escaped his mind since he had no clue “it will be a night to remember, i can promise you that”

“sounds good” with a grin, you shuffled closer to him.

the rest of the conversation turned into one blur, his answers one worded or one sentenced. he was just really tired.

somehow before he realized, you were putting his scarf on him. right, it’s cold outside.

“you’re so sleepy. let’s just go home, okay? text me when you get back” you smiled softly and cupped his cheeks “i’ll see you in your dreams tonight, hm?”

riwoo’s eyes shot open, body flinging forward. his duvet fell off, chest rising up and down.

he wiped sweat that formed on his forehead and rushedly grabbed his glasses off the nightstand.

taking deep breaths to calm down, he blinked the remains of his sleep away.

who were you?

maybe it was just a cute dream about finally having a partner.

but why is he so scared then?

besides your face seemed similar. and the words… what did you say? something about dreams…

“what the fuck” he laughed breathlessly, putting away his duvet that smelled like came out right from the washing machine.

his friends would laugh if he told them he woke up all sweaty and frightened after dreaming about a date.

busying himself with getting ready, the strange dream escaped his mind. he had to rush to class and then he promised himself he’ll study a bit.

riwoo entered the cafe, headphones playing his recent favorite music. he sat down at his usual spot, in the corner of the room. that way he always had a view for the whole place.

after ordering, he pulled out his books and took a deep sigh.

“lock in” he mumbled, getting ready to shift obrona focused mode to study the material. next week there’s a really important exam—

“your iced americano and red velvet cake. enjoy” the waiter arrived and riwoo moved his books to make place for his order.

“thank you” he smiled and looked up. the waiter’s face seemed somehow familiar. the eyes were exactly the same shade… no, he’s just going insane.

riwoo shook his head and took a bite of the cake. his face twisted into disgust, the chonky texture making it hard to swallow. should red velvet even be chonky?

he paused the music to listen to the noises of his surroundings. the clacking of silverware, soft jazz music, chatter of customers.

his eyes zoned out on the door, brows slightly furrowed. he had a feeling as if this happened already.

then, he watched you walk through the door. something in your eye reminded him of somebody he used to know, a strong feeling of deja vu hitting him.

riwoo followed your steps with his eyes. you approached the cashier, placed your order and sat down at a nearby table.

he gulped, anxiety creating a web over his heart like a venomous spider.

the waiter gave you your order, a vanilla latte and a donut glazed with navy icing.

before riwoo could realize, his legs lead him towards you. mouth opening to ask for your name, he first gently touched your arm to get your attention but you melted away under his touch.

for a split moment he stared into the steaming cup, halting his moves.

“how can i help you, sir?”

he started at, taking a sharp breath. turning around, he saw the waiter that gave him his order earlier.

“i, uh, just…” he gulped, looking at the place where you sat. riwoo blinked twice but no words came out of his mouth. then, he turned his head back to the waiter.

just to see your face.

so he was right! those eyes seemed familiar!

“y/n?” he asked.

and as soon as your name left his lips, he suddenly saw his room in front of his eyes.

sanghyeok leaned to turn his night lamp on, chest rising up and down irregularly.

“dude, are you okay?”

the door to his room swung open and his roommate, jaehyun, approached him.

“you keep saying weird shit in your sleep, i thought something possessed you”

sanghyeok looked at him, analyzing his face carefully. is jaehyun real? is he really his roommate?

sanghyeok reached his hand out to touch him, to check if he won’t dissolve into thin air too.

“i know you love me but that’s gross” jaehyun scrunched his nose and leaned away before sanghyeon’s fingertips could brush his skin “do you need any water? maybe melatonin? i noticed you have troubles sleeping lately”

“y-yeah. i think it’s the pre-exam stress” sanghyeok stuttered out, his throat itchy “you have some sleeping meds?”

“i got some!”

sanghyeok’s heart stopped in his chest, mouth going dry.

you walked through the door, messy hair and jaehyun’s hoodie draping over your shoulders.

you sat down on the edge of the bed, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear.

sanghyeok watched you with wide eyes, shifting further away from you.

“c’mon dude, you’re freaking me out. did you have a nightmare? you’re acting like you saw a ghost” jaehyun sighed, rubbing his eye with one of his hands. the other he placed on your shoulder and squeezed it gently.

you grabbed sanghyeok’s hand and opened his palm, putting a navy pill in the middle.

he looked at you, unsure.

“just trust me, you’ll be out like a baby” you whispered sweetly, closing his palm.

and for a mere moment, he couldn’t tell if the laundry smell was his duvet or you.

if he was in the cafe, sitting on a date with you and jaehyun handing him the old, musty donut with navy sprinkles on it.

if the weird sparkle in your eye was real or his lucid dream.

bnd mlist | event mlist

taglist. @rubywonu,, @tricky-ritz ,, @slytherinshua ,, @weird-bookworm

[cosmic-ghost-hermit]

Pick a Card: Message from your Spirit Team

I love connecting with everyone's guides! Thank you to the collective and their spirit guides for your support in this reading. I love you! The universe loves you! and your guides love you!!! <3 Take what resonates and leave the rest behind but always be open to new perceptions.

Decks used are: Alchemy Oracles, Archetype Oracle, Necronomicon Tarot

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(U will feed a queer person if u donate)

Drop any reading suggestions, request readings, or reading recommendations in my ask box! Can't wait to see what y'all wanna see!

_________

PILE ONE

Astrology: Virgo, Gemini, Scorpio

Song: Shooting Star by Owl City

Vibes: Black, white, green, blue, thunder, rain, prophetic dreams, illusion, secrets, finders-keepers, forests, 9999, corsets, darkness, frozen fruit, con artist, narcissistic, Hera

Cards: 6 of Swords, Eros, Destroyer, Quicksilver

My friend, you have bitten off more than you can chew while standing upon a really unsteady foundation. It will crumble eventually. It isn't a matter of "if". It will happen. It is a matter of "when". You can't go on like this. You can't play both sides. You are going to lose people who you dearly love if you keep it up. Your intentions are pure I know. You don't want to rock the boat. You don't want to make the wrong decision. The actions you took were driven by a good heart but you are stretching that good heart too thin to be able to continue like this. What you are doing was supposed to be temporary but you are treating it as if it is sustainable and permanent. Luckily, there is an escape from the desolation you could face. You must be honest about how you feel to yourself. You must be true. You can't just follow anymore to make everyone happy. Decide for yourself because there is no staying out of it anymore. If it takes you time to decide that's alright. If you need time to do research on whatever decision this is that is fine. Take your time deciding. But you MUST decide and if you don't decide then it will be decided for you.

This feels like a different decisions for different people reading this. I can see it might be about a situation-ship or familial/friend drama. It could be political as well. Either way you have spent most of your time in this situation sitting on the side lines and not making any moves. You believe if you ignore whatever is happening it will solve itself. It won't. I'm sorry. You are being tested and being indecisive is the only way you can fail. Not deciding will have the most cons and very little pros. I can definitely tell why it has taken you a bit to think about. Either decision you make there will be pros and cons to whatever it is you decide. You think you can escape the cons by not addressing it at all. However, being complacent is a decision, my dude. Not deciding is still a decision to do nothing.

When you do decide, you must stand firm on your decision. You MUST. Don't be wishy washy about it and change your mind once you have chosen. Even if you have regrets you MUST stand firm. Your guides will reward you after with many gifts of love. I also see gifts of knowledge. Later down the line you will see why you had to make the choice. You will be enlightened on what would have happened if you chose the other route. I can hear you sighing in relief when you learn this and not regretting your path. I wish you luck, my dear.

_____________

PILE TWO

Astrology: Sagittarius, Leo, Capricorn

Song: Gold on the Ceiling by The Black Keys

Vibes: Yellow, pink, red, crows, bats, crowbars, dirt, grave yards, 333, courtesan, aging, mushrooms, pine needles, sewing, weaving, looms, large dogs, Persephone, Hades

Cards: The Sun, The Poet, The Lover, Smoke

My dear, why are you so mean to yourself for attempting to be happy? What is the logical purpose of that? Listen, I get it. You have been through so messy messy stuff. It fucked up your head and it corrupted the way you think and talk about yourself. But seriously, can you think of any reason besides "it feels familiar to hurt which means it's safe." Dude. For real, stop being so mean to yourself. It doesn't get work done faster. It doesn't help you when you aren't working and you are trying to rest. It isn't doing you any good to put yourself down for what you enjoy. It just makes life harder than it already is. It doesn't have to be that hard. It SHOULDN'T be that hard. I know what you say to yourself, dude. You mimic those who have criticized you in the past. You are parroting the pain they caused you and repeating the cycles of abuse you faced. The people who hurt you before were looking in mirrors. They weren't truly looking at you. Their opinions of you don't resemble reality. They just wanted to bully someone besides themselves to feel better about themselves.

The insults you are repeating aren't how you truly feel. You are a so much more than a victim. First of all, you are an important person. Second, you are an artist. A very good artist, I might add. You can capture the emotion you are feeling perfectly when you create. When you write, you communicate what you wish to say so clearly that it touches the hearts of even the most emotionless people. That is power. That is magic. I am not going to say you are talented, my dear. Because I know your skill came from years of practice. Years of love drenched artwork and thoughtful choosing of words. You are more than talent, my dear. You are driven. You are intelligent. Any road block you faced you gracefully jumped over or powered through. Do not be mean to yourself. Do not. You deserve more recognition than that. Only you can do what you do. You are inimitable.

___________

PILE THREE

Astrology: Aries, Libra, Aquarius

Song: Charmer by Aimee Mann

Vibes: Rainbows, candles, moths, reading, pearl, gold bars, ripped clothes, 555, 88, garden, ghost trees, vampires, higher self, lions mane, alternative beliefs, collecting, coffee, Athena, Artemis, Apollo

Cards: 4 of Swords, The Self, The Cave, Mystical Sisters

I am so proud of you. You have locked away who you are for a long time. You recently started to do some self discovery after you left a person who wasn't good for you behind. I don't think you understand what a huge step you've made. I don't think you really see how what you have done is a huge fucking deal. You stood up for yourself. I think you really water down this accomplishment because you had an ally help you. My dude, even if they helped you. Do not forget you have free will. They did not force you to start exploring yourself and standing up for yourself. You could have ignored their offer of assistance. You totally could have said "Nope, I don't want to." Did you forget that? Please don't water down how well you have done. Acknowledge yourself, please.

You are realizing how wonderful you are. You are finally seeing how kind you are and how considerate you can be. I know leaving that person was painful and it is difficult to reopen the book of you without them in it. It is for the best for both you and them. Again, I am very proud of. Your guides congratulate you as well. It is okay to be guarded for a while. I encourage you to protect your peace while you are exploring more of yourself. I encourage you to ask for help if you need it. Especially because I can still feel your heartache from the loss of someone important to you. If it helps your feel better maybe put some energy to your spirituality. I know it might be tempting to look at old photos and dwell on the past connection. It is okay to do that a little bit while you heal but don't get too caught up in what could've been. It is time to focus on the present and keep your mind on where you want to be and not where you were. Your guides are backing you the whole way through.

__________

PILE FOUR

Astrology: Taurus, Cancer, Pisces

Song: Sunrise by More Plastic and Halvorsen

Vibes: Red, light blue, yellow, grey, white, cats, divine geometry, snakes, science, spills, reality tv, 1111, hearts, wine, falcon, dragon scales, astrology, grand square/trine, Hermes, Zues, Chronos

Cards: 8 of Cups, Kairos, Gnosis, Conjunction

Alright my dear, the time is going to be right soon. You know what to do and you know when to do it. Don't question it. Even if it makes zero sense logically, just trust that inner knowing. Trust that you know what to do and where to go. Trust. You will be leaving something soon. Perhaps a group, a relationship or a club. Again, you WILL know when and how, when the time comes. The stars are aligning for this escape route of yours. I know it is a bummer to leave because you have had such good times where you are at. You worked really hard on everything you built there. I know you are really anxious about hearing this because it is a bit vague but you knew this was coming, darling. You could see the signs way before any of the drama started. When shit hits the fan you need to be ready to dip out. Don't worry about preparation. Don't worry about details. The universe is going to take care of that for you. You just have to watch and listen to your heart.

Yes, you are in the right. No, you haven't done anything wrong. Spirit is sorry that it might be kind of sudden but I really believe you have already seen the red flags in the place you are leaving. The BIG drama that is about to take place isn't supposed to be part of your journey. It is meant for others to figure out on their own. You are not their teacher. You are meant to be their friend and companion and I think they have been parentifying you in a weird way. Spirit doesn't want you getting in the crossfire of everything that is about to hit. It wants you to listen closely to your intuition and trust yourself to know. This part of your journey is supposed to be mostly chill at the moment. Except for the sudden upheaval. That part is probably gonna be rushed. Everything will be just right for you, I promise. Keep your eyes narrowed and your perception high. Someone is sprinting in your direction and you will need to keep pace with them when they arrive. They will be your getaway driver. I believe in you. The universe will protect you. You will be rescued. Good luck, darling.

[pearlofthewoods]

Spuffy band-fic ramblings (long-post)

I think about this scene so frequently because…"Well, I sing.” 

Yes, of course he does. That man was a poet, he could write such gorgeous lyrics, and no one can tell me Spike wasn’t an active part of the rock scene in the 70s.

Honestly, a whole Spuffy band fic has been marinating in my brain for like a good 6 months now, (like seriously, it even has its own playlist, that’s when u know it’s getting real)… but since I’m only a baby writer I wanna get some writing practise in before I embark on the project, so that I can do it justice. 

However as I literally cannot keep these thoughts to myself, allow me to invite you into my brain for a while. 

(Be warned I'm basically spoiling half the plot of a future fic under the cut so scroll away if u only wanna read it when, or if, it gets written.)

So in my fic idea, there’s a huge underground vampire music scene (particularly in LA), since because vampires are immortal, they’ve lived through so many different eras of music that they have a really deep understanding of music history. They’ve seen so many famous bands live etc (which obviously is one of the few human experiences open to vampires, since so many gigs take place at night and are tied to nightlife culture). 

I’d also say that since vampires have no need to work, if they can get their hands on instruments they'd have plenty of time to practise/dedicate themselves to the craft. 

One head-canon that I have comes from the idea that Billy Idol “stole Spike’s look” from him. What if he stole something else too?

Bear with me here. 

Vampires don’t age, so they could never risk becoming famous in the human world, since people would very quickly notice that they weren’t human. Vampires need to keep a relatively low profile. They also can’t really make money easily from music by playing for other vamps, cause it’s quite unlikely the vampire scene has much money flowing around. Why would it? Everyone can just steal/mug to get what they need.

So in the vampire music world, they’d mostly just be playing for each other to stave off the boredom of eternal life, but with no worries about finances or putting food on the table. 

And dear God that music would be experimental, with none of the usual restraints of human life.

Like I think their music would be very interesting/ outside the mainstream. Perhaps they’d play stuff from entirely different decades which had completely gone out of style, but not amongst vampires who never aged/got uncool (unlike the humans who played it)….

Vampires would also have so many different first-hand musical influences that they’d create the most weird and wonderful sounds. Think Spike’s Victorian musical upbringing mixed with jazz mixed with rock, mixed with… well, you get the picture.

And tbh I think some people would try and capitalise on that, on that raw vitality. Perhaps there’s a demon who records demos secretly in the crowd or steals entire songs and sends them to someone in the know in the music industry. And since vampires don’t exactly have passports, social security numbers or any real documented presence at all, there’s nothing they can do about it. Like what if, in this fictional world, Billy Idol didn’t just steal Spike’s look, but his music too? Frankly, it'd explain the resentment.

Anyway, in my head Spike hasn’t played music for a while, he took a break to look after Drusilla and then got wrapped up in the scoobies and their shenanigans. 

But after Buffy dies? He needs somewhere to put all those emotions. He needs to write goddamn it, he hasn’t felt heartbreak like this for a long, long time. He’s not used to death, he doesn’t know how to deal with it. No vampire does.

So when he’s drinking away the pain in Willy’s one night, some demons he used to know are down from LA and offer him an open spot to sing with them at a new demon club. Spike’s about to turn it down, but they tell him things have changed. Like Wolfram and Hart, demons are all in business now, and this new club will pay.

Spike doesn’t need money… but Dawn does. Tara and Willow won’t tell him anything, (they don’t want to be put in the moral position of whether to accept mugging-proceeds from Spike), but he knows that finances are tight. And this is something he can do for Dawn, and in a way… for Buffy.

So Spike joins a band!

I think he’s probably pretty famous from his past in the 70s vamp rock scene, but this time he wants to change up the music genre. He wants a fresh start. It’s the nineties goddamn it, and he’s certainly not the same vampire he was twenty years ago. He’ll play, but he’ll play on his terms. 

I imagine his newer music to basically be Jeff Buckley’s (my fave 90s musician), which I know might seem a bit melancholy for Spike, but with his current grief, it feels quite appropriate.

Tbh since I basically know nothing about music and can’t even imagine lyrics for toffee, I'd probably even just give him Jeff’s discography and call it a day. It’s fanfic I can do what I like. Grace? Spike wrote it. Job done. 

For example, the lyrics to “Opened Once”?

"In the half-light where we both stand

In the half-light you saw me as I am

I am a railroad track abandoned

With the sunset forgetting I ever happened

That I ever happened"

Half-light = the twilight, the safest time of day for vampires (to quote Edward Cullen, sorry lol). also a metaphor for the place between the vamp world and the human world. A place where Buffy and Spike "both stand", as she’s the slayer and he’s a vampire that can’t hurt people.

‘You saw me as I am’ - After Buffy's resurrection, Spike’s the only person who truly understands what she’s been through, and the experience of crawling out of your own grave. They meet each other where they are.

‘Railroad track’ - ‘railroad spike’. Railroad is a pretty unusual and archaic way of phrasing that word. At least where I’m from. ‘Railroad spike’ is too good of a coincidence. 

‘Sunset forgetting I ever happened’ - Spike doesn’t get to live in the daylight. the sun (and the sunset) are both out of reach for him without the danger of dusting. He doesn’t fully feel like a true vampire anymore, but the human world won’t accept him either. In fact, his human life was so long ago that even the sun itself has forgotten William Pratt.

I also think Spike/ Jeff Buckley is a fitting parallel  since, if I stick to major-canon events, Jeff’s unfortunate passing very early in his career would also fit roughly timewise with Spike’s death at the end of season 7. 

The last unfinished album that Jeff struggled so hard to write? The one Spike wrote when he was getting over his ensoulment and entirely reevaluating who he is, and what that means for his music.

Unfinished final album? Yes. Unpublished? No. 

Because when he accepted wearing that amulet, Spike had a pretty good idea he was going to die. So he did something a vampire never plans to do. He wrote a will. 

If he’s dead, there’s no more worries about fame exposing his immortality right? So his music is published posthumously in the human world (with some bullshit about his talent going undiscovered by the industry during life).

And combined, the proceeds pay for Dawn’s college bills, and lift all of Buffy’s financial worries from her shoulders. 

In the end, that’s Spike’s last gift to Buffy, his music, his poetry…and it finally allows her to rest. 

[cvntycunt]

no contact ｡･ ˚ ‧

I masterlist

I pairing rafe!reader

I word count: 1.7k

I rafe's girlfriend, also known as your best friend. you have been best friends since you were kids, you did everything together. when the summer after freshman year rolled around, you got roped into the wrong crowd, rafe’s crowd. you did drugs, partied, did things maybe teenagers should not have done. but it was that night that changed everything, the night you had sex with your best friend's boyfriend and shipped yourself off to boarding school the same night.

I hope u guys enjoy :3 dis my first series lmaoo

exiting the plane you could feel the warm kildare air, it felt the same as when you left. you were nervous to see everyone that you hurt, your best friend ella, your friends, and rafe. after you had sex with him, you felt terrible. immediately regretting what you did, you had to get out… and well, you did, and now you're back. you know that everything has changed, or have gone back to the way that they were, maybe for them but not for you. 

you felt the breeze as soon as you walked out of the airport doors, bags in hand. you start looking for your parents car, looking around for a good thirty seconds until you finally spot it. You could not wait to hug your parents, it feels like it has been forever, but it’s only been a year. your parents call out your name, you run over to them and pull them in for an embrace. after exchanging very few words your father loads your bags in the back of the car, getting into the backseat and buckling up. 

“so, what are your plans?” your mother turns her head around and looks at you. you turn to look at her from looking out the window. you narrowed your eyebrows, 

“what do you mean?” 

“well, ella probably misses you?” she said with a scoff, “you remember her?” her mom and dad chuckled, you rolled your eyes in annoyance.

the last thing you wanted to worry about right now was Ella. you hurt her, how could you possibly look her in the eye and act like you didn’t fuck her boyfriend last summer? the truth was, you always had a slight crush on rafe. but you never said anything because rafe was HER boyfriend. he was not up for grabs, he was not yours and you knew that. 

“mom, i don’t think that ella would wanna see me.” you shrugged at her and turned to look back out at the window.

 when you drove through the remote controlled gate to your house, your nerves settled a little bit. You were finally home, and you were clean most importantly. as soon as you opened the car door you ran inside, you didn’t even have time to close the car door. you ran up to your room and turned the knob to open the door. you looked around and realized that everything was left the same. you smiled to yourself. your room was the only good thing about being back, well… and your cat.

10:00 PM

you were laying in your bed, watching euphoria on your TV with your cat until you got an instagram notification. you went to check who it was… topper, rafe’s best friend. you rolled your eyes, and clicked the notification. you read it for a second before answering.

@topperthornton: yoo, heard u was back. ru going to the bonfire tonite?

@you: why are you inviting me?

@topperthornton: well, rent u like one of ellas friends or wtv? 

you stared at the message for a moment before deciding to get up. you grabbed the television remote and switched from max to spotify and played a song to get ready to. you stepped into your closet and picked out some ripped jean shorts and a tight spaghetti strap top that showed off the curves of your body. you walked over to the bathroom to detangle your hair with a hairbrush. as you brushed out your hair you couldn’t help but think that you are gonna see your best friend, and potentially the guy you fucked after a year. it makes you sick and wanna throw up. you had all this guilt on your face and people could tell from a mile away. 

you set the hairbrush down on the counter and stepped back into your room to put on some air forces. grabbing your jacket and your phone, you snuck downstairs quietly. trying not to wake up your parents, you walked out of the house closing and locking the door behind you. 

your mind was racing through thoughts, thinking if this is what you should do, deciding to fuck it and just do it anyway. if anybody found out what you have done, just imagine the names and disgust people would give you. it would ruin your reputation.

Riding your bike to the bonfire, you kept thinking if this was a bad idea or not. you knew being back there would be consequences for your actions at some point. you pulled into the parking lot by the beach, parking your bike against some post. you heard distant laughs, loud music, and talking, and just like earlier you wanted to throw up. but for real this time. 

approaching the bonfire you immediately saw ella, couldn’t help but smile, until you realized that she was dancing along some dude, a tall figure. he turned around and your face turned from a smile to a blank stare. 

it was rafe, and then all of a sudden you couldn’t help but think about that night.

you were unable to resist the raw need in rafe’s gaze, he took a step closer, bridging the gap between you two. your bodies pressed together, the warmth of skin against skin soothing the lingering chill. rafe’s hands come to rest on your waist. Your lips met in a gentle, questioning kiss…

you snap your mind out of it, it is selfish to think about that night when your best friend is literally dancing against his cock right now. you grabbed an unattended drink off the ground and downed it, leaning your head back as you chugged it. you threw the empty plastic cup back down on the floor. 

someone calls out your name, you turn around and see it’s no other than sarah cameron, also known as rafe’s sister. goodness god, you can’t help but think to yourself that you can't escape a cameron, no matter how hard you try.

“omg! i didn’t know you were coming!” she pulls you in for a hug.

you quickly pull away, not really in a huggy mood because you were sweating your face off with guilt. “uh, hey!” you say, acting amused.

“i heard you went to boarding school? finally got in trouble for your acts, huh?” sarah was a bitch, all you wanted to do was slap her across the face and put her in her place. she was one of your friends before you got in with rafe’s crowd. now it’s awkward, maybe more than awkward. It’s just… weird…

you turn back around and start walking past ella and rafe. as you walk past. rafe finally spots you. 

“is that...” rafe says, looking down at ella.

“what? she’s back?” 

ella scoffed, she was pissed you didn’t even text, or call. Even in boarding school you never wrote to her, you were too ashamed of yourself. you thought going to the bonfire would be a great opportunity to reconnect with your peers, however it just made things seem worse. 

meanwhile, you took a seat at a rock looking at the ocean. hearing the waves crash against each other gives you peace. you see out of the corner of your eye a tall figure approaching you, when it got closer you saw that it was no other than rafe cameron. he wanted to speak, but you would not let him. “do not fucking start.” you said in a harsh tone looking up at him. 

“can we just talk? please?” he replied with a look that made you feel even worse.

 “fine, what do you want?” you asked as he took a seat right next to you, 

“why did you leave?” he turned to look at you. everyone in Rafe’s life treated him like shit, his father, his sister, even his girlfriend. you didn’t wanna be one of those people that let rafe down.

 “i–” you were trying to think of the words to say to him, trying to alter the reason why to make him believe he wasn’t a part of the reason as to why you left. truth was, you were tired of all the lies for the past year, so you tried something different. “what we did was wrong, rafe…”

the truth with rafe was he hated how you worded it, it obviously happened for a reason. that night changed him forever, last summer you took his virginity… and he took yours. but you never knew that, ella never talked about her sex life because the thought of it made her want to die. “i’m sorry rafe… this is not fair to you, i shouldn’t have come back.” you say while raising to stand on your two feet. you turn the other way and start walking the other direction from the bonfire, tears forming.

12:26

after you arrive home, you enter your house. you close the door and lock it behind you. making your way up to your bedroom, you opened the bedroom door and you felt your back pocket vibrate. you pull your phone out and see a message from an unknown number.

unknown: please just let me talk 2 u

you: who is this?

you knew who it was, you weren’t stupid. but you didn’t want to show him that you still cared, even though you do. It isn’t fair to ella, you already hurt her. 

unknown: its rafe

rafe: let me come over?

you: leave me alone. 

you didn’t want to block him, afraid that would make things even worse. you simply just put your phone on do not disturb and you go to place it down on your bedside table. undressing yourself and changing into some comfortable sleepwear, you went to go check your phone to see if rafe was still texting you, and no surprise he was… forty-three text messages in the past five minutes. you sighed, before going to the bathroom to brush your teeth. stepping back into your room, you turned off the light and quickly hopped into bed.

⠀⠀I two

[crushedsweets]

it’s been a while back so i’m w more song analysis!! this is too long i’m warning u now. in fact this might not even be readable im so sorry it’s just. so much rambling 😭

when memories snow (more mitski mm also i got tickets for her tour and i will not shut up ab it!!! she’s so cool!!!!!!!) is incredibly tim coded. the very sinister chords at the chorus, really makes you *feel* him spiralling - and the LYRICS ugh very ‘i’m trying to ignore/suppress my memories but they keep coming back against my will’ slash ‘bottling up all my feelings and forging on with my work. pretending they don’t exist’

hate yourself by tv girl is very nina x kate (in the sense of kate watching nina destroy herself for a man who does not even like her) ough. ‘i think you’d fall in love with anyone who fell in love with you / and they frequently do’ BC KATE DID!! kate fell in love with her!! also ‘i’ll just wait til those arms belong to me’ is so subtly manipulative which is very. yeah. kate’s definitely not perfect and i wouldn’t put her above being like that if she really wanted to. + the deceptively happy instrumental with vaguely dark lyrics = nina being overly outgoing and social to make up for the fact that her mental state is in absolute shambles (poor bby)

the wolf by siamés is both tim and brian but i think leans more brian (what is it with this man that makes me think of ‘walking music’. ykwim? the chain, the wolf, house of the rising sun all remind me of him. all very slow-threatening-determined-walk songs) once again, driving beat, heavy bassline. (i play bass guitar so i love a song w an interesting bass part) i think shows resilience as well as grounding - imo he’s always been one of the more mature / level-headed creeps, to the point he’s very self aware. this man knows exactly what he’s doing at all times. ‘somewhere far away i can hear your call’ even in the future when he thinks he’s escaped from slender he knows deep down he’ll never be truly free…. yes ok

keep myself alive by get scared for jane. she’s so angry - AS SHE SHOULD BE and i feel it’s just a audible version of her rage. ‘i just wanna leave this place behind / everytime i see your face in mine’ because her and jeff have the same burned face thing going on…….. ough. she can never escape from the man who ruined her life. the guitar shifting from this melancholy, reverb-y tone in the verses to the loud distortion in the chorus reflecting her mood shifting from self-pity to raw anger

bonus: class of 2013 by mitski x toby

i should rlly make a playlist for each creep but i use musi not spotify 💔

- 🌙 anon

sorry for making u read all of this ❤️

anon. oh my god. i need you to know how often i think about this ask. and how guilty i feel knowing i shouldve responded forever ago but kept putting it off. im going to respond now with shame. thank you so much for your patience. my god

when memories snow for tim is soooo real. i associate him with a longing for life before slendy, while also repressing it cuz it hurts knowing itll never ever come back. going to bars, hanging out in his friends apartments, going to class, late night driving... "I shovel all those memories, clear the path to drive to the store" i think even the imagery of him shoveling snow out of a driveway gives off that sort of strong, cold idea of him. and 'drive to the store' obv being...proxy work... SO SAD

ALSO FUCK NINAKATE MENTION IM IN TEARS ok listen. theyre both really bad. and i super agree that kate might be a bit deceptive and manipulative (intentionally or not) cuz she wants nina to completely remove jeff and take his place (NOT HIS ROLE, just his place in ninas arms). also "how long will it take before you start to hate yourself and go straight to the arms of someone else" i think its undeniable that ninas obsession with romance is related to her own self image, and kate doesnt really like herself that much either. "im not saying that you love me, im not saying anything" OHH BUT SHE WANTS NINA SOOO BAD... man.

also im absolutely in love with how you take the sound itself into account, not just lyrics. the way you explain the wolf connecting to brians determination, reslience, and grounding presense is SOOO PERFECT and i can see it in the first few lyrics as well. the also "sneaking in the pain, every truth becomes lie / i wont trust myself once i hear your call" THATS TIM AND BRIAN COME ON GUYS DO YOU HEAR THIS

also i love keep myself alive. i heavily agree she has every right to be angry, and thats a core part of her character - rage, grief, strength. "to sleep i of course think i'm stronger now / to sleep i gotta catch myself" im crying. the sleep menton + she feels alone. she has a support system, a literal wife, but she still holds all of her grief on her own shoulders. who the fuck else can relate to being violently stalked for months, walking in on your parents being tortured together, being attacked, nearly burnt alive, then LOSING your parents? also "how could this dark cloud make me stronger now" i think a lot of people would have told her that her experience made her a survivor and made her strong and whatnot. but i dont think she feels that way. i think she feels like a victim, she feels tortured, she feels like that same little girl who'd sleep in her parents bed after a nightmare - but this isnt a nightmare she can wake up from. her parents bed burnt to ashes. there is relief in just letting yourself grieve and hurt - but she's so beyond focused on being strong. and it doesnt make sense to her. doesnt make sense how she can be strong after all of that . but she is, cuz she has to be

ALSO YES OH MY FUCKING GOD CLASS OF 2013 DFUCK FUCKFUCKF FIFJF FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKK i dont even need to explain why this gets me. yall already know. my god

[spookygingerr]

Listening to my Mickey playlist again, what are some songs u associate with some of the characters or show?

Honestly Dean, you should never not be listening to your Mickey playlist.. Micklist?

This is such a good ask. I spend way too much time walking whilst listening to music and daydreaming, it's where so many of my head canons come from! So I associate a lot of songs with Shameless as a whole and with my favourite characters.

I'm gonna go ahead and share some that I associate with Shameless as a whole and then my fave characters :)

Shameless:

I know they actually played this during an episode? Maybe after Monica's funeral? I can't remember the exact episode. I got super obsessed with the song whilst I was travelling Australia last year and I used to imagine them playing it at the party after the Gallavich wedding.

I don't know if I have as much of an explanation for this one. It just really gives me shameless vibes. Maybe about Frank saying he thinks everyone should party more in life? Also it kinda reminds me of Lip? Plus I had a weird reoccurring day dream for a while of Gallavich sneaking into a Green Day concert.

Don't know if this really needs an explanation, they'd defo always play this at Gallagher parties!

Mickey:

Harness your hopes on just one person because you know a harness is only made for one?! ARE YOU KIDDING?! A personal head canon for me is Mickey being demiromantic. I also identify this way. I've never really fancied anyone off the bat, I have to really know them first and I feel like Mick is this way. It's probably not what the song is about but that line just hits. Plus, I've said it before and I'll say it again - I think Mick loves this song.

Need I explain?

After reading CG, this will always be Mickey coded.

Ian:

I don't really know how to explain this one. It just screams Ian to me. But like so many Frank Ocean songs are Gallavich coded.

I just can't seem to explain why songs remind me of Ian. It just does okay.

This is a sadder pick but it reminds me of Ian during season 4/5. He was so ahead of the curve but he had his independence and drive taken from him for a while because of his bipolar. This also works as a Lip song!

I didn't wanna leave Ian on a sad note so he can have another Taylor song. I imagine this for him during season 3 when he's so obviously in love with Mick (and its summer) and Mick is finding it harder to express his feelings.

Mandy:

Hold on I'm only allowed 10 songs per post.... to be continued

[michellemisfit]

Weekly Tag Wednesday ✈️ Neeeooow Edition

Thanks for the tag @deedala @energievie @sam-loves-seb @mybrainismelted @sleepyfacetoughguy @guinguin1984

—---------------------------

Name: Michelle

Age: Old enough to know better

Location: My bed, wrapped in a fuzzy blanket

📍where are we going? I wanna say Cape Cod, but it’s -3 there right now, so fuck that. Australia it is! 🦘

📍whats the weather like there right now? 22•C (feels like 24), according to Google

📍are you an over-packer or a light-packer? Over-packer, though I have also been known to pack 12 bras but not bring any pants… though these days I keep very detailed lists and get Ruth to double check my packing multiple times!

📍are we taking a plane or a train? If you can find me a train, I’ll take it! Hahaha but no. Neeeooow all the way! ✈️

📍early morning departure or an overnight trip? If we’re going to Australia it’s gonna be all of it. Loooong travel. I’m gonna watch so many movie and my butt is gonna go so numb!!

📍what song are you playing in the car while we drive to catch our departure?

📍we need to grab something on the way, starbucks or dunkin? Fucking Dunkin’ Donuts. The last time I was in the states we stopped at a Dunkin for donuts and were informed that they didn’t have any donuts… like, wtf? And then we found out that they are phasing out selling donuts. Like, double wtf?!? So yeah, Starbucks all the way.

📍we've made it to the transportation place 🚂✈️! be honest, are we on-time or are we rushing because we're running late? Always early. I’d rather spend an extra 3 hours in an airport McDonalds than be late for a plane. I get travel anxiety.

📍are you taking the window seat or the aisle seat? I like the aisle seat for the freedom to pee when I want, without annoying someone else! (This is gonna be everyone’s answer, isn’t it? haha)

📍we're settled in our seats, are you gonna read or watch a movie/show? Bit of both. I do like getting my money’s worth in beverages and free movies, so I try and watch and consume as many as possible. But sometimes my ears hurt from too much earbud wearing, so I switch to reading for a bit. Then back to movies!

📍what are you reading/watching? Generally all the movies I thought ‘oh, might go and see that’ in the cinema and never did. And then as we get closer to landing I will swap to a movie I know inside out, because it will inevitably cut off before I get to the end.

📍are you using wireless or wired headphones? Wired. I don’t fuck with pods.

📍are you going to take a nap or stay awake? I can sleep pretty much anywhere, but I get overtired and twitchy anxious on planes, so I’m not the best airplane sleeper.

📍do you want a salty snack or a sweet snack? Salty snack 90% of the time. However I also like bringing my own selection of snacks, so I’m not held to the whims of the airplane company! lol

📍we've arrived! are we heading straight to activities or are we gonna rest at the hotel? I actually don’t mind. I’ve gone straight from airports to restaurants, concerts, plays etc and it’s been fine. Make the most of the day you’ve got and all that. Depends on how much luggage I’ve got though.

📍finally, pick a treat to reward yourself for a travel day well done! A nice looooong sleep in a comfy bed!!!

Tagging @darlingian @too-schoolforcool @jrooc @heymacy @heymrspatel @gallawitchxx @juliakayyy @crossmydna @rutherinahobbit @rereadanon @redshirt2 @crestfallercanyon @creepkinginc @captainjowl @the-rat-wins @tsuga-of-mars @ian-galagher @iansfreckles @ohkate @faejilly @palepinkgoat @sickness-health-all-that-shit @look-i-love-u @francesrose3 @vintagelacerosette @gardenerian @lynne-monstr @notherenewjersey @mickeygifs @mikhailoisbaby come travel with me 🥰

[florallylly]

side a: eddie munson

side a

side b side b: steve harrington

explanation post

just going to go straight to my very very stream of consciousness commentary about each song but i want to clarify that i'm an eddie munson is dirty and gross truther and also i hate that rat man (endearing). so yes it might play into some of my thoughts

some songs are kind of vibe-y and you can tell when my explanations start getting contrived and bad but bear with me. i DO have some specific keystone songs idc KEYSTONE i love the word ok anyway

“I” Black Sabbath; eddie munson you are a LOSER with OPINIONS we get it. like yes you are so persecuted by everyone sure you’re going to prove us all wrong 

“Heaven and Hell” Black Sabbath; tbh added to match with heaven/hell in the other playlist, but somehow it’s kind of giving munson doctrine to me. literally googled and supposedly it’s about like band kids (??) but i think just like “the world is full of kings and queens/who blind your eyes and steal your dreams” i can literally hear eddie munson quoting it

“Fade to Black” Metallica; UGH why are there so many long periods of silence at the beginning and end of these songs. but just adding to the eddie munson i’m so outcast bad boy drug dealer thing and like. had to have metallica

“I Don���t Wanna Be Me” Type O Negative; idk if anyone can tell that i think eddie is a big dramatic loser who thinks he’s the main character (endearing?) like I AM RIGHT… 

“skins” The Haunting; okay this song is saur…. like normal people scare me i’m such a freak coded

“Nosferatu” Blue Oyster Cult; a nod to Eddie Munson being a BIG LOSER NERD. ugh whatever honestly parallels a lot of kas theory fic imo, like innocent maiden steve offering his blood to vampire eddie … why have i read it several times over. in my head, this is like. eddie munson having a dirty dirty loser fantasy about king steve 

“Teenage Dirtbag” Wheatus; need I say more………. 

“The Sun Always Shines on T.V.” a-ha; yeah… YEAH. it’s a steve song on here. i like tried to do this thing where on each playlist there are keystone songs and this is one of them. like, the song that’s in the other’s genre is the moment they fall in love even if they don’t realize it yet. but re: the song like it’s so eddie having this realization that when he was picturing king steve, he only saw him through snapshots and now that he’s live and an actual tangible human it’s different. like  LIKE

“18” Anarbor; tbh i am trying so hard to add some of these songs bc they are so quintessential to me and my connection of music to fandom, BUT IDK…. ITS HARD…. but yeah it’s very steve harrington would never really want to be with me, i’m such a bad boy. okay….  

“Poison” Alice Cooper; eddie munson ur horny . eddie munson we’re sworn enemies like ur a jock and i’m a nerd and like could i light my cigarette with ur cock please please 

“Falling In Love” Scorpions; “falling in love, it happens to me every day” okay eddie munson i did NOT see u doodling hearts around steve’s name in the fourth grade

“Around the Fur” Deftones; i do not know why but for some reason feeling like steve still hanging around his old crowd, and eddie getting all weird about it. IDK !! does it not just feel so eddie munson

“Closet” Fleshwater; an interlude-y song here kind of an angsty moment for eddie 

“I Was Made For Loving You” KISS; SECOND KEYSTONE SONG…. this song signals the first time they sleep together. i am so sorry eddie munson but this music actually DOES give me migraines but i tried very hard  

“Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away)” Deftones; eddie’s dreams about leaving hawkins and becoming famous. just in general his wishes to be somewhere he’s wanted and where he belongs. idk i feel like it’s eddie talking about all of these grand plans for his future and turning to steve and being like “and what about you?” and steve doesn’t have an answer.

“Covet” Basement; “you are everything/my most demanding dream” like like like eddie munson loving and hating that he’s in love with steve harrington who is hawkins to the bone and seems determined to die there. 

“Ghosts” Scarlet House; in my head this is eddie munson angsting after seeing steve hanging around nancy wheeler or robin buckley depending on when exactly we’re setting this. but it’s very woe is me i’m lost without you. idk it could literally even just be they fought and steve is at the grocery store chilling and eddie munson is literally frothing at the mouth sobbing in his van 

“Saturnine Saturnalia” VV; “there is no end to the hurting/i love you” saturnalia was a roman festival where they indulged in mischief and partying and whatnot. feeling like at this point, even if it’s fake, even if it ends up hurting me, i’ll take whatever i can get kind of feeling. maybe it’s like realizing he won’t be free of hawkins unless he lets go of steve or thinking that he’s just a stop on the way to a white picket fence. and i think that maybe this is the moment when eddie begins to realize how deeply he feels for steve.

“Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want” Deftones; PLEASE LET THE MAN GET WHAT HE WANTS !!! FOR ONCE !!! he is out here every single day dealing drugs PLEASE give him a sexy passenger princess to come with him on deals

“Black Butterflies and Deja Vu” The Maine; ik it’s a jump scare but KEYSTONE SONG…. the moment when they admit they’ve fallen in love. this is their aha moment. their AHA! moment not a-ha… but yeah…. eddie munson finally being like wait i’m in love with steve harrington and idk for how long but i’m in trouble

the future holds IDK ... just this part took me this long so PLEASE spare me i literally wrote this out on my notes app

[huckleberrykai]

okay okay hear me out

so taehyun's usually depicted as this "cold exterior but sweet to specific people" kinda thing right (or at least in most other fics I've read)

buttt

soft taehyun who either

has had a bad day and honestly just needs to cuddle up with you or

wants to show you something he's been working on and the way his eyes would light up if you praise him just 🥺🥺🥺🥺

yes yes yes and yes

i feel like he'd have you as his only exception, like ofc he trusts his members and he's vulnerable with them to some extent - but with you he lets all his walls down and trusts you with his whole heart bcs he just loves u sm :((

when taehyun walks through the door and you see the grumpy look on his face as he's pulling his coat off and untying his shoes you know what he needs before he even says anything. you'd quickly make him a cup of warm hot chocolate and plop a cute heart shaped marshmallow on top.

"Y/N? i'm home." he'd announce, walking into the living room and dropping on the couch, rubbing his face with his hands tiredly. the sight of him looking so defeated broke your heart and you handed him the cup without a word. he'd look down at the cup then back up at you, big boba eyes shiny with unshed tears just feeling so so loved by his baby :((

"i'm here if you wanna talk tyunnie, but if not i don't mind. whenever you're ready &lt;;3"

he'd take a long sip then place the cup down on the coffee table, pulling you down to sit on his lap and just engulf you in the biggest warmest hug in the world, shoving his face into your neck and pressing a little kiss on your shoulder. "thank you my love."

he'd smile when you'd play with his hair, holding him close. "all i need right now is you."

uGh i love him ALSO i love when ppl talk about things they're passionate about and taehyun is no exception !! big shiny excited eyes lighting up when he plays you a snippet of a new song even tho he isn't supposed to share things before they're out

"darling come listen to this! pleaseee, it was so fun to record and i think i did really well! i wanna know what you think." of course you couldn't say no to listening to his angelic voice. he gave you one of his earbuds and put the other in his own ear, wrapping an arm around you waist and sitting you down on one of his thighs.

the song was amazing, of course, and he looked at you as if you were about to tell his future, he valued your opinion on the things he did - not in a toxic 'i need to impress you' way, but in a 'i love you so much i really want you to like the things i do' kinda way.

he had the biggest smile, baring his sharp little teeth when you told him you loved it. "your voice is so amazing baby, you did so well! i can't wait for this to come out ~ i'll listen to it every day &lt;3'

he usually wasn't affected by praise. he didn't let anything get to his head, but when his cute s/o was sat on his lap saying how much they loved his voice he couldn't help the blush that crept up his neck, and the absolutely ecstatic look on his face.

"thank you love, i'll make sure to write one just for you for the next album~"

U'VE GOT ME IN MY SOFT TYUNNIE FEELS ugh

it would be even funnier if the members spotted him getting all soft and squishy with you. he'd jump right into his cold facade like '🤨 what r u lookin at?' as if he wasn't just giggling like a schoolgirl with u swinging ur arms n holding hands djsklsk

[takami-takami]

hii can i ask a random question if you dont mind? Why do u like Hawks?

Ohhhhhh. Oohhhhhhhhh.

Cracking my knuckles. Sorry for the essay, anon.

So. I saw Hawks before I even started watching MHA, and it was like. Oh HELLO who is THAT– Because I grew up reading the Maximum Ride books and have a soft spot for bird themed characters in general. Like half of my favorite characters have a bird theme of some sort.

But I was completely sold in his first episode, when he grabbed the mic as the heroes on stage were spitting the same sanitized, pre-rehearsed bullshit. Because I deeply, DEEPLY admire his lack of regard for keeping things "hush-hush". He speaks the unspoken, he doesn't buy into the song and dance of expecting people to play along with the unsaid. He's a disrupter and he's unashamed about it.

Like, for example, when the hero commission "asks" him to do the league infiltration mission, he straight up looks them in the eye and says, "so, you're 'asking' me to do this mission knowing I'm in no position to refuse. Am I getting that right?"

He breaks the tension, calls people out, leaves them speechless with no regard for the pearl-clutching that will ensue (I say no regard, but he is very, very thoughtful).

I really love that. Because I am SOOOOOO tired of dealing with "we don't talk about that" in my life. So I'm gripping Hawks in my fist like YOU. YOU GET IT.

His backstory is extremely important to me, with the commission and otherwise. I'm not getting into why, but it drives a lot of my writing and exactly why I think about him so much, and how I think about him.

The themes of his character are extremely interesting to analyze, and I value his perspective and motivations. Corruption, self sacrifice, isolation, greater good, what "too-fast" actually means, etc. I have a lot of opinions on each that I think about a lot, and how it relates to his backstory.

It's interesting to pick apart the contradictions/dualities of his character in my head while also being mindful of how much of how he acts is a persona of sorts. I definitely need to see more of how he acts to get a better picture of that.

I like morally grey characters, and Hawks is comfortably morally grey in his actions while still being so undeniably good at his core.

Hawks is favorite-character-bait for me, every part of his character is like absolutely irresistable to me.

Theres a million compliments I could give about him being such a good boy and cute and adorable and pretty and handsome and how I wanna tuck his hair behind his ears too. But i'll stop here before I talk your ear off lmao.

[vcrnons]

hello j!

relate your mutuals to svt songs go!

Mutuals as SVT songs, let’s GOOO<3

- @ikigaisvt : circles. i’ve said once and i’ll say a hundred times that sammy is, to me, like if a comfort blanket was a person. i play circles so often that it’s possibly gonna be in my top 5 on spotify this year, and every time i need to be reminded that everything’s going to be okay, it’s my go-to track (of any artist i listen to, not just svt). something about it just brings me such a warm, calming feeling from the deepest parts of my soul, and that’s what sammy means to me too. i genuinely cannot scream about her incredible nature enough, and even if i could find the words, i’d be a blubbering mess before i could finish saying them. i didn’t even have to think about this one. sammy, circles is for you.

- @irlvernon : wave! i adooooore this song so much you don’t even understand. it’s just one of those tracks that like… it doesn’t matter what mood i’m in when it comes on shuffle, i WILL, immediately, crack a smile. it’s a never-skip song okay. something about it feels so floaty and free and i just get that energy from max too. i cannot be a grouch when you’re in my dm’s. it’s scientifically impossible. i don’t know what that’s about but i’m VERY happy that it’s true. you’re wonderful. mwah.

- @aceofvernons : xan is home;run to me every single day of the week. you’re very very very very very (x10^15) cool and you bring me so much joy. i see your tags on any of my gifsets and need to take a seat before my knees give out from beneath me. your responses to my unhinged vernon asks could give me the energy to get through anything. so this works because any time i listen to home;run, i just get filled with so much pure happiness? one of those songs you wanna scream at full volume in the car on your way to wherever the fuck and i need you to know that in my head, xan is in the passenger seat screaming it with me.

- @ncteez : light a flame. do i need to explain this? i feel like it explains itself lol but OKAY fine let’s go. light a flame is such a soothing song and it’s SO easy to listen to but it’s also so MF HOT? look. if i deep this track for too long i start getting butterflies. and that’s how it feels reading anything hon writes, first of all, but just her ✨ energy ✨ is very light a flame. those pretty woozi high notes are her sweet, softer sides and the deep wonwoo parts = her ability to completely derail my week (complimentary). tldr hon, ur hot and nice and i like u.

- @hwanghyunjinenthusiast : anyone! okay this is an undeniably fantastic song and the video for it makes my brain short-circuit which are also two things about rj that are literally just facts. in the same way i always go to rewatch any of the anyone performances and tell myself i’m able to handle it, i go crawling into rj’s inbox with usually something feral and i always come out feeling like i’ve been hit by a train (affectionate, complimentary). HER BRAIN. IS HUGE. and it causes me real strife but i keep going back for more because it’s delicious and that’s just. how anyone makes me feel. one of my absolute favourite svt bangers for one of my dearest, most precious mutuals.<3

- @eoieopda : domino!! this was one of the first svt songs i ever listened to and i maintain that it is one of the best in their discography. domino is so lovely and bouncy and ANY time i see jade on the dash, i’m about to do a cartwheel i swear to god. also here’s some lore nobody asked for: if i need to do something, esp at work, and i feel like i’ve got a mental block trying to start it, domino is one of my ultimate hype songs. whichhhh is relevant if you’ve ever seen jade’s fic feedback. the BEST hypeman (/gn) ever. i want to put every single comment they’ve ever left me in a locket and wear it over my heart forever.

- @xukmins : snap shoot : max’s energy is V E R Y snap shoot to me. i can’t really explain that properly but it is, it makes sense in my head. she’s very bouncy and exciting and energetic, and truly any time i think about max or she’s in my inbox, i really just see so much brightness and fun and the happiness that you could always see in the snap shoot stages.<3

- @haechannabelle : _world!!! i don’t know if it’s the mv for it that springs to mind when i think of world but i immediately start thinking of bright colours and summer and that’s what i think about with annabelle too? your art is always so vibrant and even if it’s not of an artist I listen to, im always sat there looking at my screen like 🥹🥹🥹 because your pieces are always SO gorgeous. but you come across as so vibrant and bouncy too and this song just fits you SO well in my head.

- @cheolhub : is it. cringe. to say all my love. OKAY LOOK we don’t rly actually talk a bunch but i see sar in my notifications and it’s like someone put a fuzzy cardigan around my shoulders and has come to hold my hand. there is not a single part of all my love that i don’t adore; i could have it on repeat for a whole day and not get bored just listening intently to every member’s voice and remembering all the reasons i adore seventeen. to that end, i could equally scroll sar’s blog for a whole 24 hours and be sat with hearts in my eyeballs the entire time.

( i’ve definitely forgotten some lovely people and i’m SO sorry for that aaaaaa. i went back through my recent interactions & stuff but i do also have the working memory of a walnut && will no doubt be kicking myself in like two hours time for not including one of my loves in this ;_; pls forgive me. you’re all so very dear to me & don’t you dare forget it.<3 )

[spookyserenades]

I’VE NEVER WANTED TO PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE SKULL MORE-

but I wanna punch u in like a loving way ya know 🥹🥺🙈🙊🙉😭

i-

ok i didnt have time to talk abt last chapter, but honestly all u have to know is that i loved every single word, every punctuation mark, every period, every space-

omg this chapter was wild i cant-

yoongi and y/n, I’ve never met a couple whose good and bad at communication at the same time i cant- no cause like him writing a song for her bc of her, when he played it i imaged Butterfly for some reason, the melody is so beautiful on the piano 🥺🥹 omg not him with his shirt off at the b-ball court. He rlly flexing huh, yeah sure ur too HOT 🥵 omg she got a vision, LIKE HER MOM! Will this be a reoccurring theme with her? Oooo. OMG THAT FIRST KISS WAS SO SWEET WHEN IT SORT OF CAME FULL CIRCLE WITH YOONGI ASKING HER TO KISS HIM! AND THEN HIM ASKING FOR MORE OMG ITS SO HOT WTF I KNOW I SHOULDNT BE THIS HORNY YET BUT UR WRITING IS JUST 🤌🏼 💋 THEY ARE IN LOOOOVE FR LIKE WE KNEW THEY BOTH HEAD OVER HEELS, SO HEAD OVER HEELS THEY COULDNT GET SLEEP FOR WEEKS/DAYS~ OH MAN SECRET RELATIONSHIP YEAH WELL-

omg wtf yeah secret relationship went down the drain lol. Either hobi’s hearing is super good and he’s near the room or everyone heard y/n fucking whining into yoongis mouth dam. Or he saw that quick kiss in her room omg ur cliffhangers dana drive me INSANE! Hobi is such a tease too! Now him teasing her for her heart palpitations poor girl cant handle all the handsome men around her like same girlie pop-I do wonder how this will effect the hybrids dynamics with each other and her 🤔

omg jinnies b day he deserves the world. Not him feeding her, he KNEW what he was doing and in FRONT of everyone too 😏 him warming up her hands with his breath i cant- and then going to take cooking class in February. HIM SAYING HE DOESNT WANT TO GO WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT HERRRR 😭 him saying lets go home bc home is smth he never truly haddd and he feels safe mow eeek😭😭😭😭

Omg not tae driving the way home- KNOWING THE WAY HOOOME. No cause like you can tell they probably all know the way home by heart bc they cherish her and the house sm its means so much to them i cant i actually had to stop reading after that line bc i got so emotional. Omg tae is taking his photography seriously 🥰 im so glad hes really delving into his passion! Omg their ID’s lol they must be so cute and funny 😆

ofc jimin is a responsible cutie we love, cant wait to see more scenes with him later~ but him saying y/n looks good in any photo ✋ stop sir u are such a charmer i cant- eeeeeek

omg joonie so cute. He cares for her sm and he’s the type of person to not beat around the bush. He cares and wants her to be straightforward when shes upset 😭 eeeek

omg the scene with jk- i LOVE BANTER SM and their scenes always crack me up. Jk’s dialogue is so fun! No not her giving the puppy dog eyes 🥺 and it not working… or maybe it did 😏 omg and her being bold with that KISS ON THE CHEEK- i was imagining jk when he gets surprised or zones out 😲 its so funny 😂 omg y/n has W Rizz for sure~

omg ben already predicted this my mans was just waiting for her to catch up- its so good to see him again I love y/n’s friends. Him lifting her up but also humoring her is SO what i would do if my friend was in a similar situation! Like Y/N GIRLIE POP I ARE THE IT GIRL U GOT NOTHIN TO WORRY ABT!

THANK YOU SM FOR THIS UPDATE I LOVE U SM DANA!!!!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!! Remember, make sure to take care of urself first and foremost! 😤 Love you byeeee~

FDJSKAFHDSAF I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO PUNCH MY SKULL LMAO!! I'm so so happy that you loved the last two chapters, there was SO much that went down, I can't wait to chat about them hehehe 💜

SO fhdjsaf you're right on the money with Yoongi and MC not knowing how to communicate with each other for SHIT. Like I think they rely on telepathy or vibes too much, neither of them are mind readers... so much of their conflict these past two chapters could have been resolved if they just sat down and talked calmly about things for an hour or so!!! 💀BUT stop it right now Butterfly is one of my favorite BTS songs, so so gorgeous on the piano, and I could imagine a very similar melody that Yoongi would write for MC being something like that too. 🦋

HNNNNGGGFF Yoongi all sweaty on the court without his shirt.... damp long hair....teasing MC the whole way UGH I just know that I'd be drooling! 🥵And with that vision WHEW I'm so happy I could incorporate that into MC's character finally, I will say that this is something that will begin to happen more frequently for MC-- ever since she has been diving more into her spirituality and practices, her psychic abilities have been getting stronger.

The kiss. THE KISS!!! I'VE BEEN DYING TO WRITE SOME ROMANCE FOREVER NOW MY GOODNESS IT TOOK 13 CHAPTERS!! I just feel like Yoongi is such a 0 to 100 kind of guy when it comes to kisses, sweet and tender to begin with, then BAM super passionate and intense. I really really loved writing that scene, I'd say that Yoongi was truly desperate and yearning for MC for so long that he couldn't help but beg for more hnnnnngggg. But now they have to tip toe around for a little bit until they figure out how to tell the others, which turns into MORE yearning and AH I wanna chew on my drywall!!!! 👹

djkafdakfdask I'm excited to continue off where we left off! You know I always gotta leave you all on a cliffhanger. I wonder how MC is going to dodge Hoseok's questioning, and we don't know if he heard those two making out (he shouldn't have been able to, the music room is soundproofed...) or was perceptive to how weird MC and Yoongi were being with each other. I also feel like if Hoseok heard them, some of the others would as well, and I can think of a few (Namjoon, Tae, Seokjin for ex.) that would probably bust down that door!!! But also your theory of Hoseok possibly catching their kiss in the hallway is something that could have happened eeeee. Also I love teasing Hoseok as well he raises my blood pressure... poor MC can't even hide her heartrate from them!

UGH Jinnie's birthday he's such a sweet darling, I love that he was able to go out somewhere yummy to eat and spend time with everyone. I also really love when he feeds MC... it's so hot to me idk why like yes PLS grab my face and stare at me and treat me like a princess Jin!!! Always making sure she's warm, wanting to go to the cooking class with just her, and feeling truly at home with her and in their house I CAN'T He's just such a love. 😍

Tae baby... just like Jin, he knows where home is now and AH they're just all getting so close. You're so right, they really cherish her so so much. Tae and his photography too is so fun to write about, it's nice that he gets to express himself creatively and the other hybrids let him take their ID pictures was a sweet hidden moment that I'm happy you noticed!

Definitely more Jimin on the way!! It's been the Yoongi show for a bit, but that's just how I've planned these few chapters. Don't worry, each of them will get their turns to be the stars, which I'm super excited about in the future! Charmer Libra Jimin is my Roman Empire, totally more of a flirt and a romantic as time goes on. Joon UGH!! My little wolf, he's warmed up so much to MC, and he's very straightforward and stern like you said-- ever since the Incident, he seems to be very concerned about weather or not MC is feeling upset.

HA I love writing MC and Jeongguk's interactions, they're both such little shits and you can tell when they get on each other's nerves, but it's less antagonistic these days and more playful. He totally called her out for pouting, and while it might work for some of the others, it doesn't on him LOL. But she got him back with that kiss, huh? I bet she's been dying to do that for months...

I'm PSYCHED you mentioned Ben. He's my favorite side character to write, and it's nice that MC is able to confide in him about any of her worries. You're right, he totally caught onto her having crushes on all of them (it's probably dead obvious to him) But ahh it makes me so happy that you love him as well!! I agree, I'd probably act the same way towards MC if I were Ben-- teasing her but trying to encourage as well. 🫣

FDJAKSFH THANK YOU FOR READING AND SENDING ME SO MANY LOVELY COMMENTS!!! As always I look forward to what you have to say about updates, and I love you sm as well! Hope you had lovely holidays and a fun new year my sweets! 😘💜