#also trying to figure out how I want to draw him!

[dreamerdrop]

Oh God, yeah. During the war, Julian is basically going full into survival mode. He's pulling away from people, he's keeping his mouth shut, he's basically letting himself turn into a hollow shell that just looks like him because everything is so exhausting and he doesn't really... have it in him to be himself anymore.

I feel like I personally give kind of a pass to most of the characters on DS9 being jerks about Julian being obviously autistic for the sole reason that... one of the things I like about DS9 is that they're all pretty messed up in one way or another. Miles is allergic to voicing emotions and sentiments out loud (despite Keiko's best efforts, but she's also not great at it herself), Jadzia is shown constantly to have a REALLY inappropriate and poorly timed sense of humour, Kira is... Kira, and her issues mean that Julian's issues basically rub against each other like sandpaper.

Garak is interesting in how his dynamic intersects with Julian being autistic though. Garak seems to delight in Julian doing things like being blunt, infodumping, etc. Garak is someone who would drive ME a little nuts IRL because his specific brand of enigmatic behaviour would wreak hell on my lack of self esteem and inability to trust my judgement...

But for Julian, it seems to be a huge part of the draw. I think, in part, it's because Garak does seem to recognise when he's pushed too far and then, in his own weird way, often... relents a little.

Like in Cardassians, on the shuttlecraft. Julian basically says, very bluntly, "Garak stop talking in riddles this is serious and I don't want to play games anymore" and Garak immediately goes "alright fine here I'll talk as plainly as I am comfortable with".

Or, in an odd way, the scene on the Defiant during... season 6? Where Garak is basically insulting Julian over his augmented status. That scene is a little rough, even with the knowledge that this is effectively flirting for Garak, but. There's something in it that actually stands out to me as Garak trying to relent a little.

Specifically, his comment about Julian being a Vulcan. Julian is sensitive about his augmented status. Garak knows this. Garak insults him over it, and then towards the end of that little spat, saying "you're not genetically engineered, you're a vulcan", it kind of... reads as like, Garak trying to steer the conversation back to something playful, something that isn't actually attacking Julian.

(And there's obviously a lot to be said for how Julian is somewhat smiling to himself at the end of that scene.)

I think there's something similar to that in his dynamic with the others. I don't think any of them really have particularly good social skills, honestly. Jadzia comes closest but her levels of extroversion and enthusiasm mean she's often putting her foot in her mouth too. (... oh that's why she and Julian make good friends, they both have the party autism.)

Thing is, I think if Julian ever actually said to any of them "hey that actually kind of upsets me could we not" and they realized he meant it, they would apologize and mean it, but because everyone on that station is messed up and lacking in social skills, they all kind of constantly end up battering against each other with poorly timed jokes and insensitive remarks and dismissal of trauma and none of them ever figure out how to address any of it.

Narratively, though, Julian's trauma gets brushed over more than almost anyone else's, and that DOES piss me off about the writing. Even before we get to the augmentation aspect (which is taken seriously as traumatic for exactly ONE episode), a lot of the time Julian's issues just... get kind of tossed to one side.

Character wise, I think Julian is the type to focus on other people's issues so he doesn't have to acknowledge his own, but the way the show itself often ignores those issues does REALLY grate on me.

Julian Bashir walks a very fine, maddening line between “self-loathing imposter syndrome who knows almost everyone who speaks to him for more than a minute finds him insufferable” and “incredibly self assured and annoyingly arrogant to the point of a minor god complex”.

He knows he’s attractive, he thinks he’s charming as all hell, he knows he’s the smartest person in the room (while also being acutely aware he’s going to put his foot in his mouth any second now), and he just swings wildly between “I don’t deserve anything I have, none of this is mine, my life is not my own, I am a monster” and “HELL YEAH LOOK HOW COOL AND SMART I AM GUYS ARE YOU LOOKING ARE YOU LOOKING”.

And then there’s episodes that reveal that underneath that annoying arrogance, at the very core of who he is, he really, really just wants to help people, and if he fucks that up he WILL take it personally and hold himself responsible even if there’s no way he could have known and like. Can you imagine what his first patient death was like for him. Can you imagine what a fucking nightmare his brain must be 24/7.

He is somehow as inherently self assured as he is in need of constant validation for his ego because you can SEE him break a little when that ego fails him, even a little, and it’s just.

He’s very fun to write. I hate him. (I love him so much, but oh my god.)

[shortkinglogan]

I have taken a bit of a break from drawing people because I was having some struggles, and I kept thinking about how cool it is that badgers and coyotes will team up and hang out together like friends and I just....I couldn't stop myself, I have an au. Hear me out.

badger!Logan and coyote!Wade

Wade is a mangy coyote, gets chased around and shot at and has no pack because of how he looks, but one day he found this badger that was stuck in a trap. Stuck for a while, beat up, muddy, dehydrated and starving but still trying to fight, even as he tries to help. Eventually he passes out and coyote!Wade drags him by the chain of the rusty trap to shelter and brings him a rabbit. Eventually they get the trap off him and he's nursed back to health and they become inseparable, and incredibly effective hunters together. (Yes badger!Logan is smaller than average)

I'm still playing with the designs, not fully in love with them yet, can't decide fully if I want badger!Logan to be a honey badger or just a badger, and gotta figure out how much fur, wrinkle and scabs to put on coyote!Wade though I like the idea of him having a bunch of those whisker bump things pitbulls have it's cute.

Also can't decide if I want them to just be normal animals or have the same powers, though Im playing with the idea that they escaped from labs or something like that

[pjmmania]

If Snow Decides to Fall

3. "I hear you now."

Chapter Warnings: Pregnancy, mentions of abortion, explicit language, profanity

Tag List: @marihoneywk

Back to Chapter Index

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Nine weeks. You’d known about the pregnancy for a full month, and neither of you had told a soul. That is, until last night, two weeks after the ultrasound. You revealed it to your parents via phone call when you got home from work, and they were furious. You couldn’t stop stewing over their words:

"What do you mean you're pregnant?!"

"Park Jimin?! And how does he plan on supporting you?"

"Won't this cost you your job? How could you be so irresponsible?"

"We raised you better than this, young lady."

You tried to explain to them that you were, in fact, in a relationship with him. You tried to tell them how you met him a year ago, not in some sexually charged environment, but at work. And this wasn't just a one-night stand gone awry. You were committed to one another and to having this baby, but it was as if their ears were totally closed to hearing anything outside of what they decided was the truth.

You could have cried that morning, but you were also mightily relieved that it was over. Now they knew, they could digest it on their own, and you could move on with your business.

Getting dressed for work, you dealt with the same fatigue and sickness that had become routine. You had figured out that bananas and plain rice helped soothe your stomach, and you could keep it down, so that’s what you ate for breakfast.

As you consumed your food slowly, you stared at the sonogram photos, which you had magnetized to the refrigerator. It took a few conversations to get there, but you and Jimin were finally able to work out a date and time for the next ultrasound. It would be at the twenty-week mark in August at his place. You smiled to yourself as you daydreamed about it, but there was something else to be excited for in the very near future.

You glanced back into your living room, where there was a gift on the sofa. It was wrapped in neutral light green paper and a simple white bow. You’d gotten a little surprise for Jimin, and planned on giving it to him whenever you were at his apartment next.

Jimin was working out intensely at the studio’s fitness center early that morning, partially because it was necessary to keep up with his job, but also to push out nervous energy.

He knew you told your parents the night before, and he also knew how they reacted. You were reluctant to share it for the sake of sparing his feelings, but he insisted on it. Now that he was fully aware of how your parents felt about him, it stirred him up inside. He wanted the grandparents of his child to at least like him.

Even worse, today was the day he promised he’d tell his own parents. Unsettled and keyed up, he was running on the treadmill much harder than normal. The more he overthought about what his parents would say, the harder he ran. It was beginning to draw attention from Taehyung, Jungkook, and Namjoon, who were all working out at the same time.

Taehyung finished his set on one of the leg machines and got off so he could switch places with the leader, gesturing to Jimin with the quick tilt of his head, "What is he doing? We have a dance practice today. He's going to burn himself out."

Namjoon furrowed his brows, agreeing that this was most unlike him to do something like this. If they had dance practice on a given day, then he made sure he kept his gym activities lighter, more like a warm-up. Right now, it looked like he was training for a marathon. Something had still been a little off about Jimin over the past few weeks. This was just the latest example, and he was becoming more worried by the day.

Jungkook finished a set of pull-ups, "I'll go check on him."

The youngest wiped his dark brown, sweat-clung hair off his forehead and then dabbed off his face with his t-shirt. He made his way over to his panting friend, trying to get his attention.

Jimin took out an earbud when he thought he heard someone calling him. He turned his head to find a humored Jungkook standing there, "What's up?"

"You need to slow the fuck down," Jungkook said, "Don't kill those legs before practice."

"I'm fine," he puffed, "This is light."

"You've been at it for almost thirty minutes. That's double what you typically do before dancing. Come on, Jimin. You'll get all the cardio you desire in a few hours."

He had a point, so he hit the button for the machine to come to a halt. It was only when he became sedentary again that he realized how hard he had pushed his body. It felt like his chest was going to implode. He clutched his shirt over his chest, taking the other earbud out.

Jungkook stepped a bit closer and lowered his voice, "You okay, hyung?"

Jimin said nothing, too desperate to catch his breath. All he could do was nod, but it did little to convince.

The weight was coming down on him. Abruptly, he got off the treadmill and walked out into the hallway, not even stopping to take a drink of water. His heart and mind were both racing. He couldn't take it anymore - he might as well just give them a call now. Rip the bandaid off.

He took the elevator up to the eighth floor, where the private studio rooms were. Yoongi, Jin, and Hoseok might have been in theirs, so he opted for the one that was open for general use. He thanked his lucky stars that this was taking place before work hours, so there was no outside party there to see him looking this distraught. All he had to do was avoid the eyes of the managers, who were likely already in their offices.

He pressed the access code into the pad on the wall with a hasty index finger. Once inside the four soundproof walls, the door locked automatically behind him.

There was a desk set up against the wall with a couple of monitors and a swivel chair. He sank into the chair and took a pause, staring his mother’s contact on the phone. Breathing finally slowing down, he cleared his throat and forced himself to push the button against his own wishes.

He put the phone to his ear and listened to it ring four times, before his mother’s sweet voice.

“Jimin?”

He gulped, “Hey, Mom. How are you?”

“What’s wrong?” she asked him immediately. A mother knew her child, and she certainly could detect the nervousness in his voice, no matter how hard he was trying to sound normal.

There was no point in lying to her, “Nothing’s wrong, per se. But I do need to tell you and Dad something really important. Is he around?”

“Sure, honey. One second.” she said before calling his father’s name in the background.

Jimin’s knee was bouncing up and down as he tapped his foot. The time was fast approaching.

“Hey,” his father’s voice joined in, “How are you, son?”

“I’m alright Dad. I need to tell you guys something and I don’t necessarily know how to do it,” he smiled anxiously, “Um…Yeah, I really have no idea how to do this.”

His mother used a soft, caring tone, “You can tell us. You said it was nothing bad, right?”

“Well, that’s the thing,” Jimin sighed, reclining back in the chair, “To me it’s not, at least not anymore. But it’s probably going to upset you.”

“That’s most unlike you. You know you can tell us anything.” His father said.

He nodded, starting to work up the courage he needed, “I know, I know…Okay, I just have to do it. Do you both remember me telling you about the girl I’ve been seeing, Y/N?”

“Yes,” his father said wearily, “I think I know where this is going. Son, please tell us you didn’t propose to this girl without introducing her to your mother and me first.”

“What? No, it’s not that. But we’ve been seeing each other for a year now and things have gotten pretty serious…really serious actually,” Jimin coerced the words out of his mouth, “She’s pregnant.”

The air went dead. On the other end of the line, his parents were utterly stunned. Their silence was making him writhe. He went from leaning back in the chair to bending forward, doubled over with his elbows on his knees.

He pushed his free hand back into his hair, “I know this comes as a shock. I’m sorry. It just sort of…happened.”

His mother came back instantly with a voice full of worry and sternness, “Babies don’t just happen, Jimin. You weren’t being careful.”

“How long have you known about this? And are you certain it's yours?” his father inquired. Jimin could tell he was fuming.

“About a month,” he admitted, “She’s nine weeks along, and yes, it's mine. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys sooner. We wanted to wait until the first ultrasound to make sure things were okay, plus it’s just been a lot to deal with.”

The concerned and aggravated woman laughed out of bewilderment, “Of course it’s a lot, honey. It’s a baby. I hope you have gotten a plan together by now. Are you going to be able to co-parent with her? How will this all work?”

He wanted to shrink into oblivion, “I honestly have no idea, Mom. And I know that’s not what you want to hear, but Y/N and I will figure it out.”

His father’s tone was the slightest bit gentler, “At the very least, can you tell us you are committed mother of your child?”

He answered quickly, wanting to appease them with something they’d actually want to hear, “We are deeply committed to each other and to being good parents together. I love her. This is the first relationship I’ve had that has grown slowly over time and I think that makes it different. She really knows me, all of me. And I know her.”

His mother sighed, “I’m glad you’ve developed strong relationship and that she makes you happy, but love alone doesn’t make for good parenting. You need a plan, Jimin, especially with your career. Stability is everything for a child.”

Finally, a chance for him to vent, “I know, that’s been the hard part. I feel like I’m failing them both every time I pretend that we aren’t together. No one even knows we’re seeing each other, and if they did, she’d get fired. How can I offer them stability if the options are to either keep it all a secret or to expose it and upheave our whole lives with a scandal?”

“Your life has already been upheaved, son,” his father said, “Becoming a father is the biggest change you will ever undergo, whether you are an idol or not. And it disappoints me to hear you call this a 'scandal'. Your son or daughter is not a scandal. Now I’m not thrilled with this news, but if you are going to make this work, you need to stop that kind of thinking.”

“He’s right,” his mother said, “Both of you must accept the repercussions of this, even though a lot of it will sting. Anything less would be putting yourselves over this child."

As embarrassing as this conversation was, their guidance was something he had been starving for. They had a way of giving clarity amid the disarray.

Deep down, he knew this would have to come to light someday - you'd both acknowledged that multiple times already. But now he had a different perspective:

The inevitable reveal didn't have to be scary if it was seen as a necessity for this baby's wellbeing. It was something that had to be done for the sake of raising a child with as much normalcy and steadiness as possible. Otherwise, his or her life would be nothing but secrecy and isolation. The thought of his child feeling like a burden that needed to be hidden away sent shivers down Jimin's spine. If the way to prevent that turmoil was to face the fire, then he would do it.

"Yeah," he nodded, "I needed to hear that. Thank you, even though I know this news isn't a talk you ever wanted to have with me. I'm sorry this disappoints you."

"We wish you'd been more careful," his mother sighed, "But your father and I love you and we will always do what we can to support you. It seems like you have hard months ahead of you, but being a parent comes with unimaginable sacrifices. If you can face them, it will be worth it."

The middle-aged man concurred before adding to the sentiment, "And we have no doubt that you have it in you to be a wonderful father, Jimin."

Unexpectedly, emotion consumed him. To hear that from his own dad meant more than he could have anticipated. He'd been torn up in a never-ending pendulum swing ever since finding out, going back and forth between excitement and fear. Such assurance from an outside party had been a missing piece.

Choked up but not quite crying, Jimin bit the inside of his cheek and then grunted, "Thanks, Dad. Thank you both. I love you guys and I want you to meet Y/N sometime soon. You'll adore her."

He couldn't see it, but his mother was starting to smile, "You really love her, don't you?"

"She's something else," he cleared the inner corners of his eyes with his thumb and index finger, "You'll see it after a only minute of talking to her...I did."

“And you said there’s already been an ultrasound,” she said, “Is everything going okay so far?”

He found himself unable to hold back a small grin, “Yeah, it’s going well. Y/N's been pretty under the weather lately, but she was told it's all normal."

"We will look forward to meeting her," his father said, "We will work out a day to come by. In the meantime, just bear what we've said in mind and take time to plan the next steps."

"I will.”

Both parties then said their goodbyes and hung up. Jimin set his phone on the desk and put his arms behind his head, inhaling and exhaling deeply. It was over with. He’d made it over that hurdle, and it went better than he thought.

He walked out of that studio room in much better spirits than when he went in. Even though he was due at practice in a couple hours, he went back down to the floor on which he started this morning. There were showers available for use, and he felt like he needed a rinse, feeling cold from the drying sweat.

On his way to the showers, he grabbed his bag, which contained a change of clothes for practice. It was waiting for him along the wall in the workout room. Thankfully, the other members were gone when he re-entered the gym, having finished their warm-ups.

It only took him a few minutes to rinse off, refreshing his mood. He washed his body while leaving his hair dry. When he came out, he changed into cargo sweatpants and a black t-shirt. He felt most comfortable rehearsing in baggy garments, allowing his body the maximum range of motion.

He folded his dirty workout gear and packed it away in the bag, then slipping into some sneakers and heading back upstairs to get something to eat. That’s where he figured he’d find the others, eating one of the private common areas.

On the way back up, he noticed some employees making their way into their respective offices. The workday was beginning. It made him think of you and how you might have been feeling that morning, not just physically, but emotionally in the aftermath of calling your parents. He decided to send you a quick text, asking how you were. He knew he would be seeing you after their rehearsal - you and Chaeyoung were coming in to take the guys' initial measurements for the tour concept.

Right as he hit send and rounded a corner, someone bumped into him. His grip on his phone slipped and it was knocked to the floor screen-down. Luckily, it turned out to be Jungkook.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Jimin sighed, "Wasn't looking."

Jungkook chuckled, rubbing his shoulder, "All good. I was just coming to look for you. You don't have to tell me what you're stressing about, but I know there's something and I'm going to make sure you at least eat, so come on."

He appreciated the concern, and it was valid, though he would hate to admit it. Jimin could forget to eat sometimes when experiencing strife.

Then Jungkook's eyes went to the floor, noticing that he'd accidentally caused it to fall. He crouched down to retrieve it, making the older internally panic and rush to get to it first. Unfortunately, his friend beat him to it. Innocently wanting to make sure the screen hadn't cracked, Jungkook turned it over.

The screen hadn't yet locked. He could see the text thread between Jimin and his new girlfriend and it made him smirk as he stood up, prepared to unleash some good-natured teasing.

Jimin’s stomach felt like it could have fallen out of his body. He tried to snatch it back, but it only made matters worse. It only confirmed that there was something to hide. With alarmed eyes, he surveyed their surroundings to make sure no one was seeing this.

Jungkook’s brows became furrowed as he scrolled a bit. It was nosy, sure, but he had to know what his brother was hiding. It was painfully clear that something wasn’t right. What he read made no sense to him, but then he saw a black and white photo.

The millisecond he realized, his eyes looked like they were going to pop out of their sockets. Jimin went rigid. He could feel his pulse in his throat.

It was nothing less than a blessing that Namjoon suddenly appeared, startling the youngest member into locking the phone and handing it back to its owner.

The two remained stuck in some form of telepathic eye contact. With a baffled gaze, Jungkook’s face was screaming out the question. Jimin had his lips pressed together and jaw tight, eyes begging him not to say anything.

The leader looked back and forth between them, “Hello? Everyone good?”

Jungkook realized his hands were tied. He couldn’t simply obliterate this giant beast of a secret out in this public hallway. He nodded his head, “Y-Yeah, all good.”

The panicking member was caught red handed. He shoved his phone back into his pocket, faking an unperturbed smile, “We’re fine. He just came to see if I was coming to eat.”

Namjoon wasn’t buying it. This was the last straw. Jimin wasn’t okay. There was something he wasn’t being open about. Even so, this wasn’t the time or place, “Yeah, come eat with us. You had a long run.”

As a threesome, they headed into the room that held the other members, all snacking on energy-packed foods to fuel them later on. Jimin joined them, but had no appetite whatsoever. His mind was too preoccupied with trepidation to send hunger signals. Jungkook knew the biggest secret he'd ever kept from any of them. He needed to do whatever he could to ensure he wouldn't divulge.

During the dance practice, he wasn't nearly as focused. He and Jungkook kept making eye contact in the mirror, breaking one another's concentration repeatedly. It made the rehearsal drone on, as they kept messing up the choreography. One wanted a code of silence, while the other felt like he needed to shout.

The physical labor ended after a couple of hours. When it was done, the members had a quick breather to cool off. After about fifteen minutes, you and Chaeyoung entered the room with your measuring tapes draped from your necks. Whenever you and Jimin were in the same room at work, you both made conscious efforts not to pay special attention to each other. The other members took stock of how good the two of you were at hiding your feelings.

However, when Jimin noticed you walking over to Jungkook to take his measurements, he couldn’t stop himself from looking.

You smiled at the man, who looked somewhat perplexed by you, “Hey, Jungkook. How are you?”

His eyes darted from Jimin and then back to you, “Uh, great, Y/N…How are you feeling? I mean, how are you?”

Unbeknownst to you, your boyfriend’s stern gaze shot upon him for that slip of the tongue.

You took the tape measure off your neck and began to wrap it around his torso, “Not too bad. Busy these days. I hardly have time for anything else.”

“I’m sure you are,” he said, well aware that Jimin was listening, “But even if you’re busy, it’s important to still make time for other things in life, like friends. Friends are so important, you know? I bet they’d be able to help you cope with whatever you’re struggling with, but only if you reach out. If you don’t, then what’s the point of even having them?”

It wasn’t a message directed toward you. The intended recipient, however, got the message loud and clear, and it vexed him. What did he think he was doing, using you to prove a point like that?

While making note of his measurements, you looked at him, lost, “Um, yeah. I guess that’s true.”

It was awkward, but there wasn’t much time to ponder about it. You and Chaeyoung had to get this information down quickly, before the guys had to run off somewhere else. She was busy taking Yoongi’s.

When you were done with Jungkook, you moved on to Jimin, only because you had to move quickly and Chaeyoung looked like she was going to do Taehyung’s next. He was the closest to you, so he was the natural next in line.

You grinned at him, “Hi.”

As was routine, he lifted his arms a bit so you could measure his midsection. You were already paying close attention to the tiny numbers on your tape when he greeted you back, shooting Jungkook a glare, “Hey.”

He thought about whispering a warning to you about the current situation, but decided not to. It would only freak you out.

Instead, he asked as you removed the tape from his torso and wrapped it around his biceps, “Did you get my text?”

Even though he kept his voice low, you hesitated to answer, “Yeah. I’m alright, just a little…bummed.”

The look on your face told him you were far more than bummed, “I called mine earlier.”

Your stomach did a flip, but you played it off as if you were having a casual conversation, using a muted voice, “How did that go?”

Jimin shrugged, smiling softly, “Honestly, not bad. I’ll tell you about it later.”

You nodded, recording his updated measurements on your notepad. In light of his parents' wisdom, your unwillingness to indicate that you were involved with him upset him. He wasn't frustrated with you personally, but with the situation itself. It crashed into him like never before - his love, the mother of his child, had to pretend she hardly knew him. And although he knew the reasons, it truly disturbed his conscience for the first time.

When you and Chaeyoung had collected all that you needed, you left. Yoongi and Namjoon went up to their studios to write, Hoseok following suit to record a demo. Taehyung and Jin went to a vocal lesson.

Jimin and Jungkook remained in the room together, much to the dismay of both. The former was firmly planted in one spot with no idea what to say or do. He wanted to rebuke the younger for speaking so candidly and thoughtlessly with you - that was far too hazardous for his comfort. Yet, he was at a loss. How could he be one to talk, when it had just been revealed that he'd been keeping something so enormous from them all?

Jungkook looked around the room, hands on his hips. The quick survey assured him that no one would hear them. He shook his head, tone surprisingly calm, "Hyung, I'm begging you to be honest now. I swear, if you try to squirm your way out of this I will kill you."

The older accepted his fate, but this place was nowhere near secure enough to have this discussion.

"Is Y/N-"

"No," Jimin stopped him, frazzled and alarmed, "Don't finish that question yet. I'll tell you everything, just not here. Please."

His eyes were so desperate that they bent the will of the other man. Jungkook pursed his lips together, annoyed to hell and back but still understanding, "Fine. Your place, then. Now."

Both men tossed their bags by the door once they got into Jimin's apartment, one out of aggravation, and the other with dread.

Not a word was spoken as they naturally gravitated toward the living room. Jimin waited to see where Jungkook was going to sit, so that he could sit opposite of him.

Both men got settled into a seat, wondering how this conversation was going to go. They were silent for a brief moment, collecting themselves so they could speak like adults.

Jungkook leaned forward, letting his forearms rest on his thighs. He was biting his tongue, giving it his all to approach this matter calmly, even though he was irate. He wanted to believe it wasn't true. There was no way Jimin could have done something like this, nevermind keep it from all of them. If this was what had been going on with him all that time, then he had to have known for a while. It would have been weeks of dishonesty - all those times he told them nothing was the matter.

The younger inhaled through his nose, "I feel like I don't even need to ask it now. We both know the topic at hand. Just tell me."

Jimin nodded for a moment without saying anything, looking anywhere but in his friend's eyes, "She's pregnant."

It was one thing to have seen the sonogram, but it was quite another to actually hear it come from his mouth. Jungkook pinched the bridge of his nose, "How far along is she?"

"Nine weeks," he replied, "I found out the night before we went to Jin's."

"So you have known for a while," Jungkook's suspicion was confirmed, "Why didn't you tell us sooner, hyung? God, this is...this is fucking huge."

The older huffed, throwing his hands up in irritation, "I don't know, maybe because this has been a crazy time for me and Y/N. I mean, put yourself in my shoes. Would your first priority be telling everyone? We have been literally just trying to make it through each day."

Jungkook took a deep breath, collecting his emotions. If the situation was reversed, Jimin would be nothing but supportive. He had to be smart about how he reacted to this news.

"Look," he said with a softening tone, "I didn't mean it that to come off like a judgment. I'm sorry. It's just, as your friend, I wish you'd have come to us sooner. We've been watching you struggle for the past weeks, wondering what was wrong with you. You had us convinced for a few days after telling us that you and Y/N were official, but then your strange behavior didn't go away. And to learn that this is the reason...it's a lot to take in."

Jimin dropped the defensiveness, leaning back in his chair, crossing his arms over his stomach in some sort of self-embrace, "Believe me, I know."

"How are you doing with it?"

He shook his head a bit and let a minuscule smile break onto his face, "That's the thing I can't figure out. I don't think there's a general feeling. There have just been moments. When I'm with Y/N, I'm mostly happy about it. I feel like I wouldn't want to have a kid with anyone else. The fear creeps in when I think about everything else - our careers as BTS, the fact that she will probably get fired over this. The thought of becoming a dad doesn't scare me nearly as much as the consequences that will come from this."

For the second time that day, he became emotional. He tried to keep it concealed, but the crack of his choked voice gave it away, "I'm terrified that she will lose it all because of this. I hate that having my baby might ruin her career. I hate that for now, I have to convince the world that I'm not in love with the woman who is carrying my child. I-I can't be there for her like a real partner. I had to miss the ultrasound, and I didn't get to hear my kid's heartbeat, because I had to be at work. And I hate that when this all eventually comes to light, there will be a media frenzy on her, on me, and probably on all of you too."

A few tears started to roll down his cheeks and he buried his face in his hands, sniffling. Jungkook reflexively stood up and went over to him. He sat on the very corner of the chair and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, "Let it out. It's okay."

Jimin broke, "Everything negative in this situation has to do with me! It all traces back to the career I worked so hard to have! They always say there's a cost to fame, and we've all experienced that, but I don't know. I just never thought about this cost."

Jungkook rubbed his back, "I agree that it's your career, but don't equate that to you personally."

"How? I'm the one that chose it."

"But you just said it yourself - you never thought about this cost. That's no reason to beat yourself up," He said, "No one ever fully grasps the downsides to fame until they have it."

Jimin was settling down now, removing his hands from his wet face and drying it with his t-shirt, "It's hurting Y/N. She's been trying so hard to tell me that she's accepted the reality, but I can see it behind her eyes, Jungkook. She'll grieve the loss of her job, and I don't even want to think about her enduring all the scrutiny she will have to face."

"She has you," Jungkook offered a reassuring grin, "Now, I don't know about her family, but I know yours. They will support both of you wholeheartedly. And you'll have all of us too. You just need to tell the rest of the members."

Jimin nodded, "I know, you're right. Both of our families know now. There's no reason not to tell them. Just give me a few days to work it out with Y/N. I can't break the news without letting her know."

The younger man concurred, "That's understandable, but for your own good, consider doing it soon. I think it will take a lot of the pressure off your back, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by the support."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you're our brother. We will help you make it work. And you're going to be a dad. That makes us uncles, doesn't it?" Jungkook chuckled, "There's a cause for excitement in all of this."

Jimin broke into a small laugh, "I didn't think about you all being uncles. Don't know whether it's heartwarming or concerning."

"Only time will tell," Jungkook smirked, "So when's this little Park coming?"

There was a flutter in his chest at the nickname, "The doctor said January eighth."

"And everything's looking healthy so far?"

He hummed, "Yeah. Apparently, the heartbeat was unusually strong for his or her age. That made me oddly proud."

Jungkook nudged him playfully, "I mean, it only makes sense, considering how fit you are. Your sperm's probably the healthiest known to man."

He laughed harder this time, turning to give him a jestful smack on the arm. Jimin felt better now. Not great, but better. When the laughter died down, he breathed in deeply and let it out, “God, I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. When I said our parents know, I meant we’ve only just told them. Mine found out this morning.”

“Shit,” the other patted him twice on the back, “How did they take it?”

“You know my mom and dad - they weren’t leaping for joy, but it wasn’t awful. It ended on a good note,” he shrugged, “I just feel like this day is giving me whiplash.”

You got into the elevator in your apartment complex, letting your head rest against the back wall as it carried you up to your floor. You had a headache and had used up the last of your over the counter painkillers. Jimin likely had some, so you figured you’d eat dinner and then go to his place.

You felt like a towel that had been wrung out, twisted and squeezed of all energy and substance. You were desperately spent. The only thing keeping you fully present, ironically, were your mood swings.

If something didn’t go according to plan at work, you felt like you wanted to punch a hole in the wall, or cry, or both. Those were the lows. On the other end of the spectrum were short bursts of sexual urges. You prayed that you’d hidden it well enough while you were measuring Jimin earlier. Getting to touch him and examine his body like that didn’t do you your raging hormones any favors.

You put your key into the lock of your door and turned it, hearing the latch open up. Then you got inside and immediately wanted to vomit, not as a side effect, but out of shock.

The lights were on, and there were two faces sitting in your living room that you hadn’t seen in a while.

Speechless for a moment, you dropped your bag and froze in your tracks, “M-Mom? Dad?”

They got up from the couch while you remained rooted in place. Your mother was the first to give you a hug, but you barely embraced her back, far too confused.

“Hi, sweetie,” she sighed, “How are you feeling today?”

Your father hugged you next, “It’s been forever since we’ve seen you.”

You were shocked. Not even twenty four hours prior, these people were scolding you and telling you how disappointed they were in you. You stared at them, totally discombobulated. Your head was pounding so hard that you felt it in the back of your eyeballs.

“What are you both doing here?” You asked, brushing past them both and going into your quaint little living room. You needed to sit.

Your parents turned around and followed you back to their original places on your sofa. You were tucked into an armchair that was perpendicular to it.

Your mother leaned on the arm of the sofa towards you, eyes full of a lukewarm concern, “We came to have a much calmer discussion about this.”

Bringing your knees up to your chest, you asked, “You came all the way here just for that? How did you even get in?”

“You gave us a copy of your key when you moved in, remember?” your father replied, “Anyway, we aren’t happy with how we reacted to the news yesterday. We’re sorry we resorted to anger.”

Your mother sighed, “We love you, Y/N. And we realize that you are a grown woman now who can make her own choices. But as your parents, we ask that you please listen to what we have to say.”

You nodded hesitantly, “O-Okay…”

She continued, “We are worried that you aren’t considering the enormity of this, and the risk you are taking by placing so much trust in this man.”

You felt a twinge of exasperation, having had a sneaking suspicion that it was going down this route.

It must have shown on your face, because your father looked a little indignant, “Your mother is right. It appears as though you aren’t thinking this through. We don’t want to see you get hurt. Park Jimin is one of the most famous men in the world. He took advantage of you, as his type often does.”

You felt like you could have spat, “He did not take advantage of me in any way. Neither of you know him well enough to assume that about him. Jimin is a good man.”

“You are a stylist at his agency,” your mother scowled, “He knew that your position would make it impossible to disclose your relationship without putting your career on the line. He used you for his own pleasures, knowing you’d never say anything to anyone.”

Your father cleared his throat and looked down, unable to imagine his daughter fornicating with anyone, let alone a member of a global sensation like BTS. A man who had women practically falling at his feet wherever he went.

Your hormones made your reaction sharper. They were talking about the man you loved, the father of your child - denigrating him to the level of a scumbag and a womanizer, "You're both so wrong about him...I don't even know what to say. I told you already, we've been together for a year. If he'd had enough of me at any point, it would have been easy for him to toss me aside, but he hasn't. I know it's not what anyone would have envisioned, but he...he loves me. And I love him."

"We aren't here to argue over whether he loves you, Y/N," he said, "Our point is that he knows damn well how his job works. He's been perfectly willing to hide you away like some impropriety all this time. What makes you so sure he won't do the same thing with you and this baby?"

"Because he-"

You paused and closed your eyes, not wanting to finish your sentence for the sake of not sounding naive. They had you cornered and you hated it.

"Because he what?" your mother looked at you with sympathy, like you were some poor foolish girl, "Because he told you so? What good are words without action?"

You were so upset and exhausted that you felt tears prick your eyes. You looked down, "It's not that simple, Mom. In this case, action will cost me my job and who knows what else. We haven't figured much out yet, but I think we both deserve some credit for being committed to this anyway. We could have easily decided not to go through with this, but we did because we are dedicated to each other."

Your father put his hands on his knees, "And even if that is true, how will he ever be able to be there for you? I won't have my little girl stuck raising a baby alone while he galivants around the world and across every red carpet that would have him."

An angry tear rolled down your cheek, "He's not like that. I don't know how else I can convince you guys. Jimin understands the importance of being present."

"He missed the ultrasound." he said.

You shook your head, eyes closed, "Only because it was right after we found out and it was too late to change plans."

"Then will he plan on being at the next one?" your mother asked, crossing her arms.

You hugged your knees to your chest, "Yes, he will. We have a date scheduled in August."

She raised her brows, "You're telling us he will show up to a public doctor's office and risk exposing this?"

"W-Well, no. It's going to be at his apartment."

Your father scoffed, "You see? He's going to keep you and this baby a secret."

You were seething, "You know what? Yes, we are going to keep this a secret for as long as we can, because neither of us needs the media storming us while we're still trying to figure out our lives. Who would want to put themselves through that? But we've already agreed that it can't last forever - we just haven't worked out when we will take the step to tell the company and make an announcement."

Your mother reached out and put her hand on your knee, "Sweetie, we're trying to look after you, and our grandchild. We want you both to have a stable home environment."

"Well then what do you suggest we do?!" you shook out of her touch by standing up out of the chair, "It's clear that you guys won't be satisfied either way. We could keep it a secret forever or we could go public today - you'll continue to believe that he won't be there for me and that this is all a bad idea. So what? Would you rather me get an abortion or something?"

They were silent, looking at each other. You were a horrible mix of furious and embarrassed. It wasn't your intention to get so heated. You stubbornly defended your relationship, but you couldn't deny that their concerns were valid. You thought about the child in your belly. If you were standing in your parents' shoes, you'd probably have reservations too.

Then your mother looked back at you. She stood up and placed her hands on your upper arms, tone subdued, "We want you to move back home."

You were wiping tears from your eyes as you drove. It was dark outside now. Your parents got back on the road, and you followed suit. As you passed under every traffic light, you kept telling yourself to hold out just a little longer. You'd be there soon.

After pulling into the lot and parking your car, you glanced to your left, where the green-wrapped present sat in the passenger seat. Sniffling, you dried your eyes one last time and grabbed it, taking it with you into the building. You were walking with a quick gait, anguished and itching for some comfort. Fortunately, the gift in the box had the potential to bring you the solace you needed.

You took the same elevator as normal. When you reached the door, you fumbled in your pocket for the key, balancing the gift box on your thigh momentarily.

The door opened, and you heard something in the kitchen. He typically ate dinner around this time. When you appeared, he seemed delighted, but then he noticed the slight puffiness of your eyes. It was a confusing sight - you standing there upset while holding a gift.

"Hey," he put his wooden spatula down and turned down the heat on the stove so that his fried rice wouldn't burn, "What happened, sweetheart?"

He gave you a kiss on the cheek and searched the features of your face as you sighed, "Hi. I just had the longest, weirdest day."

You placed the gift down on a nearby stool and finally let yourself melt into his arms. Jimin kissed the top of your head repeatedly, "I did too."

You pulled your head off of his chest so you could look at his eyes. He was giving you an assured smile, but you still wanted to know what went on, "How come?"

His lips found your forehead before he brought you into his loving hold again, "Well, as you know, I told my parents about the baby, and then Jungkook found out by accident."

This time, you drew away from the hug completely, "Wait, say that again?”

Jimin scratched the back of his neck, “Yeah. I dropped my phone and he saw the sonogram photo.”

He saw how worried you looked and smiled, taking your hands loosely, “Don’t worry, he’s not going to tell the others. But this probably means we need to come clean soon.

You nodded, “Yeah, we should. I know it’s been hard for you keep it from them.”

“It has, but that’s a conversation for later. Tell me what’s wrong. You’ve been crying.” His eyes were plagued with distress.

“I…” you didn’t know how to start, “I got home from work and my parents were there.”

He dropped your hands, “What?”

You put you hand to your forehead, “Ugh, my head is killing me. Yeah, I walked in the door and they were just sitting waiting for me.”

Without you having to ask, Jimin turned around and headed to one of the cabinets, where he kept any medicines. As he prepared a glass of water for you to take the pills, he felt a pit in his stomach. This didn’t sound good.

“Were they that upset about yesterday?” he asked.

You took the glass of water when he offered it to you, holding out your hand to receive the capsules, “Not exactly. They came to have a better discussion about it…Only it didn’t really go that way.”

“Ah,” the hurt on his face was clear, “They still think it’s a bad idea, huh?”

There was no way you were going to elaborate on all that they said. You didn’t want to damage his feelings any further. You merely nodded, “I’m afraid so, but it’s more than that. They want me to move back home.”

He had only just started to stir his dinner on the stove again when he ceased any movement. The pit in his stomach deepened into an abyss, eyes leaking with dread as he looked at you, “But they live on the other side of the country, right?”

He couldn’t lose you. If you left, you’d be taking his child with you. And then what? How would you be able to stay together as a couple with that amount of distance? Everything you’d built over the past twelve months could crumble.

You saw how alarmed he was by the prospect and put him to ease immediately, “Yes, but I’m not going of course.”

He put his hand over his heart and exhaled, shaking his head a little, “God, please open with that next time instead of letting me think the worst.”

“Sorry,” you smiled softly before recounting their reasoning, “They say it would be best for me and the baby. I’d quit my job and live with them for a while. They think it’s the only way to guarantee a secure home environment.”

His expression could have broken your heart, and it was only scratching the surface of what your parents had said to you. Jimin kept stirring the rice, turning the heat back up a little bit. You knew him well enough to see that his avoidance of eye contact was due to a wound.

You took off your shoes and tossed them back by the door before coming to wrap your arms around him. Your cheek made its home on his sturdy back, "I'm sorry. They just don't know you yet. They haven't seen what this really is."

He sighed, his shoulders slouching. "I know. That's why I want to meet them and you to meet mine. I understand why your parents feel the way they do. And I know you're leaving a lot out to spare my feelings. That doesn't make it fun to hear, but I get it."

You held him tighter, "Then we'll find a time to meet each other's. Maybe even at the same time."

Jimin let out a subtle chuckle at the notion, and then went back to serious, "And you? Do you still believe that I can provide a secure home environment?"

You stopped hugging him, instead joining him at his side, leaning against the counter so that you could look him in his eyes, "I've had a little while to think about it. I think that the environment this baby enters will never be a normal one. You could quit BTS right now and the fame will always follow you. That automatically makes for an abnormal upbringing. But that doesn't mean we can't do things to mitigate that, and that doesn't mean we can't raise a healthy, happy child. Above all, it doesn't mean he or she will lack security. Jimin, you're one of the most loving people I've ever known."

A hint of a grin began to form on his lips. You put your hand on your still flat tummy, "Whoever is in here will feel your love and support every day. Because that's just who you are."

His smile became a little bigger, "'Who I am' feels more complete whenever you're around. Thank you."

You pushed yourself from the counter and craned your neck upward so you could kiss him, "You're welcome. Now did you make any extra for me? I haven't eaten yet."

He smirked and pecked your lips once more, "Yes, there will be enough. Grab a couple bowls, it's about done."

He dished out the meal for two and you ate in the living room, sitting on the floor and using the coffee table as the surface. It tasted like heaven to you, but you were mindful to eat it slowly for the good of your gut.

"Mm," Jimin's eyes went wide suddenly, "I didn't tell you about my parents."

You swallowed, "Oh, right. How was that?"

"Like I said earlier, not bad. They were shocked and I got chided a little bit, but I hung up feeling a deeper sense of purpose," he explained, "And I want to share it with you if it's alright."

You were intrigued by the uptick in his mood, "Yeah, please."

"They made me realize that I, and possibly the two of us together, have been so terrified to tell the company because of the consequences to ourselves. But those consequences are necessary if we want what's best for our child, so we don't have to see it as some horrible doom coming our way," he studied your face to see if it was making sense, "All I'm trying to say is that we shouldn't see it as this awful storm cloud hanging over our heads. That doesn't mean it won't be hard or painful for us, but we can at least take comfort in that we'll be doing right by our little one."

You smiled, "I like that way of thinking. You know, after seeing the ultrasound, I felt something of a bond form. I'd do anything if it meant he or she was saved from hurt, and I know we both agree that the secrecy would hurt."

Jimin nodded, "Exactly. You're such an incredible mother already, baby. I can't wait to have Doctor Yoon come here for the next scan. I hope I feel the same thing you did."

That reminded you - the gift.

"Oh!" you stood up, "One second."

He was puzzled for a moment, but then you re-entered the living room with the green present in your arms and an eager look on your face. When you first got here, he'd been so caught up trying to figure out what was wrong that he'd totally forgotten about this.

He grinned curiously, "Oh yeah, what's this for?"

You sat beside him on the floor and put it between the two of you, "For you."

He laughed, "But why?"

You shrugged, "You'll see when you open it."

He took one last bite of fried rice and then set his bowl aside. He removed the white bow first and then began to rip the paper off the box. His brows knit together as the item inside gradually became visible. You were pressing your lips together in anticipation.

When the wrapping was fully removed, Jimin read the outside of the box. Shortly, he was looking at you again, eyes spilling over with exuberance. You couldn't hold back the same expression.

You giggled at his speechlessness, "A fetal doppler, so you can hear the heartbeat."

"Y/N," he was beaming down at the box, "I don't even know what to say. Thank you."

You nodded, "I know you felt like you were missing out. With this, you can listen whenever you want. No need to wait for a doctor's appointment."

"Can we try it now?"

You grinned, "That's what I was hoping you'd say."

He shot up, taking the box and your hand with him. You laughed as you were tugged along into his bedroom. You both sat on the bed and he flipped his nightstand lamp on, giving the space adequate yet dim lighting.

You worked together to free the small machine from its encasing, discarding any extra wrappings. It came with a small monitor that would show the heart rate and had a button panel for volume control. It was attached to a cord with a wand at the other end. Separately was a tube of gel, similar to what Doctor Yoon used at your appointment.

It came with the right batteries inside, so all you had to do was turn it on and go for it.

You laid back on the bed, adjusting your pants so the wand could access the right location. You smiled and pointed at the tube of gel, "Okay, take a little bit of the gel and put it right here."

Jimin couldn't believe he was doing this, but he couldn't be more excited. He carefully squirted a good amount of the substance on your skin, "Now what?"

You giggled, "Just turn it on and use the wand to spread it around."

He found the power button on the side of the monitor and pushed it, making the small screen light up. Before placing the wand on your belly, he made sure the volume was turned up. Then he laid on his side next you you, head propped up resting in his palm.

When the wand first made contact with your skin, there was hardly any sound. Thankfully, it only took a few seconds of spreading the gel around to start to hear something.

Jimin's features were fully alert instantly. He found the right spot and held it there, enthralled by the pulsing sound. His lips parted slightly as he stayed in a state of motionless elation. When it finally began to register, he broke into a joyous smile, "Oh my God, there it is!"

You laughed, basking in his happiness, "It sounds just as strong as it was before."

The immense weight of the day was lifted from him. He leaned closer to your belly, keeping the wand in place, "H-Hi, baby. It's Daddy. I hear you now."

You were overflowing with adoration for this man. Once you saw his brown eyes glisten with gleeful tears, you began to get choked up as well. He couldn't help it. In fact, he didn't even realize it was happening until one streak came down his face. All that you'd both been through in the past month, and all that you would go through in the months to come - it would all be unimaginably rewarded when the owner of this precious heartbeat came into the world.

Jimin wiped the tear from his cheek and sniffled, turning his focus to you now, "Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you so much. This is…it means everything to me.”

You grinned contentedly, “It does for me too.”

The two of you listened some more. The thumping was persistent and even. You daydreamed in your own minds, alleviating yourselves of any stress, even if it was just for this one moment.

He laughed, “I can’t believe we made this little heart together. You might come to regret giving me this.”

“You love it that much, huh?” you giggled.

“I wont be able to get enough of it.”

“That’s okay,” you said, “It gives me an excuse to come over more often.”

He hummed at the idea, still intently focused on the sight of your exposed abdomen and the sound coming through the monitor. You then watched as his blissful smile faded, and his eyes fell into a contemplative state.

His voice sounded distant as the gears were turning in his mind, “Baby?”

“Yeah?”

“When is the lease on your apartment up?”

[quibbs126]

And now here’s my 3rd attempt, mostly from yesterday with me finishing up the last one just now

We’re also back to just D-16 now

So I started out trying to do the painting thing again, trying to use darker shading colors since I was told that was a thing to fix. But I didn’t entirely vibe with how the thing was going

Then I finally figured out what @23456df was trying to say on my last post, about volume. Or at least, what I think they were trying to say. Namely about 3D shapes and the fact that I didn’t really have any

So I decided to try a new way of making the characters, namely starting with bases of rectangular prisms. Here’s other versions of the canvas where the shapes are visible

The shape sketches I think are fine, but the struggle for me came from trying to add in the details

I didn’t even try with a proper face on him, because the face was always what ruined it the first time. I realize I have to figure it out at some point, but I don’t know how yet. But the faces I did draw are on a separate layer, so I can replace them if I ever do figure it out

I also need to properly figure out how the shoulder things on D work, because I have absolutely no clue. I also don’t know how the forearm plate works either, as you can see by the fact that it keeps changing

*sigh* this is why I want figures, I tell you

I think I’m getting relatively good at drawing D-16 though. Not sure if these skills will apply to other characters or even Megatron though

I did actually draw Megatron yesterday while at work, but it was on a cardboard sheet that I don’t have with me at the moment. Also the proportions on that sheet are off, but fair enough, I don’t have easy editing or my reference image on traditional, also this is the most I’ve used it in years. But the Megatron didn’t look half bad though

Anyways I don’t remember if I have anything else to add. I’m writing this post in Latin class

All I know is I’m getting there, slowly but surely. But don’t expect a new one by tomorrow or anything, I don’t think I’ll feel like drawing more today, plus I have things to do

[sepublic]

Palismen as Mutualism

For Hunter, abandoning his magitech staff in favor of Flapjack isn’t just about finding agency outside of Belos, and it’s not just about having an actual friend. Likewise, training wands do exist, but for Luz in Adventures in the Elements it’s emphasized that she needs to figure out the glyphs anyway, and eventually she can get her staff.

There’s practical Ups and Downs to the glyphs, such as being able to draw them even if you’re missing a staff, likewise staffs can cast magic with far less prep time. But I think the emphasis on Palismen is about cultivating a relationship with the land and people around you; Luz and Hunter can’t have magic without maintaining a relationship with someone else.

Magic is a gift from the Titan, that’s what Luz understands in Adventures in the Elements when she figures out glyphs, it’s what Eda’s trying to understand by shoving moss up her nose, because of what wild witches wrote. Even when Glyphs can be learned from others, witches still commune at the Knee to understand this. And with Palismen, we see that they’re highly intelligent beings, smarter than any animal in real life, if not sapient beings themselves; Owlbert can hold a conversation with Eda, lie on the spot to cover for Luz, gamble with her, etc. Then we have the Bat Queen as further evidence.

Palismen have autonomy, they choose whether to stay or not; Escape of the Palisman goes into these and the aforementioned details, many Palismen leave their witches if they feel mistreated. In Really Small Problems Owlbert is able to go off and have fun for himself, and is allowed to be distracted even when Eda needs him; There is no punishment towards Owlbert for exercising autonomy, and what Eda does should be the standard based on the Bat Queen’s trust.

Perhaps more ‘modern’ witches don’t lend the same freedom, but this is undoubtedly influenced by the culture of the coven regime and its insistence on ‘taming’ wildness. Palismen also don’t respond or awaken, even if carved, until a witch can perform some level of self-examination for them.

Glyphs come from understanding the Titan, and being able to do everything a witch can involves having a Palisman, and those come from the Titan via Palistrom trees that naturally grow. There are Animistic ideas about aspects of the environment having a life of their own, thus they deserve a respect of their own. For Luz, she’s a human coming after Belos, who’s committed colonization and genocide on this world; Hunter is his nephew and human-adjacent enough, struggling with a colonial heritage.

So to truly idealize as witches, they need to cultivate a mutual relationship with the Boiling Isles and its life, that’s why glyphs and Palismen are relevant, that’s why Eda doesn’t settle with a training wand for Luz; She wants Luz to really understand and appreciate the wild nature of magic, or else she could become like Lilith or many who joined the coven, esp in contrast to Belos.

Belos’ magitech staffs demonstrate his industrialism and refusal to cultivate a sustainable relationship with the land, as does his Palismen consumption. Him devouring Palismen is horrific because they’re sapient innocents, and because they’re all taken from loving witches who were either murdered or assimilated, it’s systemic genocide.

And we learn how Palistrom trees are being depleted, and when Hunter suggests a sustainable way to grow Palistrom wood, Belos is furious at the idea. He has no respect for this world and wants it dead, while wanting it to serve him in his entitlement and colonial fantasy.

In particular, Belos’ Palismen consumption leads directly to his curse, which worsens to a point that he needs to possess hosts and devour them from the inside to survive. His parasitic relationship with a natural resource causes him to become a literal parasite. He chooses to devour wantonly and after centuries is finally doomed to only being able to do that, centuries after he should’ve been dead and lacking any choices anyway.

Why must other lives be cut short to extend his life beyond reason, a life that continues to only be destructive? The protagonists could never keep Belos alive if it meant sacrificing innocents, and he gets to a point where he still deteriorates even while using hosts, emerging from Raine in a worse state than he started off in.

Likewise, we don’t know much of the training wand, but it is wielded by Amity, who is the daughter of Blight Industries and its arms manufacturing; It ends up siding with Belos and playing a factor into his genocide, esp during the Day of Unity. Odalia is CEO and her capitalist tendencies are not a coincidence, given the criticism of capitalism as being unsustainable in its pursuit of infinite growth, without questioning where all that growth will somehow keep coming from when the laws of equivalent exchange still exist.

This ‘independent’ form of magic via machines is flawed, because it doesn’t hearken back to the literal and figurative roots of magic itself, or the natural resources it inevitably still pulls from. It’s not anymore ‘advanced’ if not beholden to working with the culture or the land so every party can thrive. It’s not beholden to the people and animals, it’s just destructive in the long run without respect.

But technology isn’t inherently bad or unsustainable either; Alador is the true inventor of Blight Industries and uses his machines to help undo the damage of the coven bindings, and heal the isles alongside his fellow wild witches as a newly-anointed one. He decides he cares about the harm being done by Blight Industries and can still practice his inventions.

Caleb started off as a settler, but his story shows how white people are just as capable —and thus responsible— as the locals in coexisting with a new place, after learning from said local and choosing her over colonial teachings; Celtic pagans exist and seem to be an inspiration for TOH, and the Celts were often white because you guessed it!

White people have also been indigenous, at least at one point in time, they can also have the same relationship with land that PoC do, and it’s not some innate trait exclusive to brown people (which is a racist trope). It’s learned, not “in the DNA.” There’s no excuse not to, you just have to want to learn and open your mind.

Caleb and Evelyn have a mutual relationship that results in a child, who results in the Clawthornes and their own relationship with the isles, esp Dell and Eda. Caleb dies in the pose of the Titan, indicating he understood; At worst he’d only be a little confused, but still have the spirit, because Caleb clearly came from a place of good faith and would always keep improving because of that.

Hunter is a settler’s child and didn’t choose to come here or serve his uncle, but he decides when he’s free and with agency that he wants to continue engaging with this world; So Hunter can choose to give back to this world what his forebearer took. And he works with Dell to do this, who is Caleb’s descendant. Caleb’s woodcarving may have contributed to the Clawthorne tradition of Palisman carving after Flapjack liberated both him and Hunter, they gave back to this world and it comes full circle.

Hunter works with Dell and the Bat Queen to regrow Palistrom and then carve Palismen; He loves a witch who can help grow Palistrom, make the land itself teem with life; Perhaps not coincidentally, Willow’s magic is deemed worthless by the aforementioned Odalia, and the coven system finds Abominations more profitable, likely in the service of how Blight Industries (and later Belos) uses them; By contrast, Amity and Darius wield a more fluid technique and reject this, with Amity having thrived around Willow more and making amends.

For Luz, it’s not enough whether she can practically perform magic via the wand, she needs to understand and respect her host culture. When Eda says Luz needs to earn her staff, it’s less about work for its sake, and more about proving she can respect the rituals and ways of a culture that Luz wants to become a part of, by doing what the locals also do.

Luz needs to prove she can be accepted by her hosts as one of their own, like how she proves to the Titan she is someone he can trust to wield his magic. Luz has to be her own kind of witch against what the coven deems, and because there are some parts of the process she simply can’t do; But she also has to be true to the spirit of the practice… And this culminated in literally embodying the spirit of the Titan.

Palismen as a practice require reflection, and then constantly maintaining that respect and relationship to another being in order to keep using magic. It’s a way of accountability to the Boiling Isles they’re born from and represent, a way to continue repaying the gift of magic that one keeps using. It’s a mutual relationship, it’s sustainability, it’s remembering to give back to the environment so it can keep growing.

Hence, Luz learning to respect Palismen via Owlbert, learning to speak to the Titan like the witches before her. Glyphs are learned from the Titan, and witches can then pass down that magic to others themselves if they choose to, after being convinced to. Some may be insincere and abuse that trust, but this is outweighed by the many friends of Luz’s who benefit and use it for good; Luz still has the right to distribute this knowledge and it’s why the Titan gave it to her then, and affirms it later with his spirit. And even after the Titan’s death and the loss of glyphs, they’re continued anyway via his son King, who shows them to Luz and Eda, witches that learned to respect him and his father.

The fascination in a world goes both ways; The Demon Realm does not exist for human consumption, its people are also very interested in humanity themselves. Eda’s business, Gus founding the HAS, Vee finding her home; Witches and demons have a lot to learn from us, just as we have a lot to learn from them. Luz got her time in the isles, so Thanks to Them was about her friends getting the same with her home after hosting Luz. Camila repays their hospitality to her daughter with her own, and Gus leaves deeply satisfied from the experience.

There’s now a Boiling Isles exchange program, so humans visit the demon realm but vice-versa occurs. So it’s not so simple as humans being settlers again, they give something back to the natives who get to enjoy their world too. Maybe even take each other’s places, as Vee and Luz inadvertently did! With Vee becoming a Noceda.

Sustainability is a theme in The Owl House, with the endangerment of species such as the Selkidomus, the Galdorstones becoming rare artifacts, the depletion of Palistrom, and the extinction of Glyph magic are all things that are combatted; Luz and Eda save the Selkidomus that thrives in the epilogue, Gus and Mattholomule work with the guardian of the Looking Glass Ruins, Dell helps plant more Palistrom with the Bat Queen, and King gifts a new generation of glyphs.

The Archivists and Titan Trappers committed genocide, with the Archivists having the gall to claim to want to keep mortals alive, yet it’s a faux-sustainability where they destroy those who refuse, and their archived existence is hardly a life in and of itself; Instead, it’s a passive existence where mortals exist for the Archivists’ purpose with nothing real in return. King remains as the last of his kind to bring back his people one Titan at a time, and it’s a wild witch like Eda, with her fondness for learning from nature and respecting Palismen, who is entrusted to raise him.

All of this ties into the themes of indigeneity, of sustainability, of appreciating the nature and world around you, of getting your head out of the clouds of fantasy to appreciate the people around you and their practical needs, and work with them too. Working with people, working with the environment, it’s the same idea of mutualism, supporting each other, etc. Be yourself AND be kind to others, they’re mutual not mutually exclusive.

Magic is life, magic is given and shared, it comes from the world around you to pay attention to, and give back to. It’s life and goes on even after death, like relationships and their impact on you. This is what TOH’s magic is, it represents the themes of its story.

[fatherrussia-69]

「《Happy Birthday Father R and Updates!》」

Hey Hey! Sorry for the absences, if you've been keeping up with all the updates, you'll know that we've been pretty busy this year and haven't been able to write. o(*￣▽￣*)ブ Yeahhh, School's just been eating up me and Editor T's schedules. 😩🤧 We've tried finding a good schedule for Father R to write without him getting burnt out and for me and Henchman A to be available to edit, pre-read and add our authornotes, but it's been proving to be difficult. That's why we've just settled for the goal of getting at least 2-3 chapters posted per month. It's not as many as it used to be last year, but working on the weekends seem to be the only saving grace. (￣▽￣)" There's a break coming up for Thanksgiving, so we're going to double-timing that week to try and get things posted. I cannot assure anyone that we'll get a chapter posted, but we'll have definitely made progress. I've also made a bit of a routine when it comes to writing to avoid Writer's block, and I'm proud to say Chapter 61 of SSATW is about 78% ready for posting. RAD Chapter 4 is about 64% but that's only because I haven't figured out the skeletal structure of the chapter yet- ヾ(≧ ▽ ≦)ゝ Anyways, Now that Updates are out of the way, HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY BIG GUY!!! 🥳🎉🎊🎂 Happy Birthday Father R, and thank you @thegenderfluidace for surprising him with this drawing this morning. Hearing him screech in joy was one wake to wake up. Sorry about that- But truthfully, Thank you so much Ace for the drawing!!! Your art is amazing, and whether or not you were able to finish the drawing doesn't ruin the surprise in the slightest. q(≧▽≦q) As per tradition, we went bowling on his birthday and God Damn- 😀💀 I got first place, which isn't surprising. Gutter, after Gutter, After Gutter- ...( ＿ ＿)ノ｜

Ask me how this man got outdone by the NPC (accidentally added another slot so we all just randomly rolled balls down the lane). 🤧🤣 I had a rebirth on my skill tree okay? (┬┬﹏┬┬) You only had 23 points. Everyone else was above 50- Couldn't be me. 🤪😘 Just wait till next year. o(一︿一+)o Anyways, we'll see you guys pretty soon, we have some questions in our Inbox and although the Q&A has long since ended, we will answer a few of them when we can! If you guys have any questions or just want to chat with us, don't be afraid to drop by our inbox and say hello! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) ALSO WE REACHED 108 FOLLOWERS ON TUMBLR!! YOU GUYS ARE ABSOLUTELY FUCKING AMAZING!!!! 😍🤩😖

[kettle-bird]

murderousintent.png

[humans-are-tasty]

[u3pxx]

KIM KITSURAGI - “Is that. My kineema.”

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - Something in him is about to break, *big time*.

EMPATHY - And it’s not going to be pretty, do something!

- DRAMA [Formidable] - Everything is fine!

- “Sure is.”

DRAMA [Formidable: Failure] - Surely he’s aware that he’s not the *only* person in the world who owns a Kineema?

YOU - “Is it really *yours*? I mean, plenty of people have their own Kineemas, right? Like working men, government offices, uh, firefighters I guess, maybe even animal control people? Exactly! A million different people who could’ve driven it into the uh…”

DRAMA - Pause, my liege! Ixnay on the Ineemakay!

YOU - “It could even be our *mysterious* joyrider!”

KIM KITSURAGI - Your frenzied babbling falls deaf to the lieutenant's ears. Instead, he approaches the broken vehicle, sunken in the ice. He moves with a caution and gentleness you haven’t seen him display before.

INLAND EMPIRE - It must be cold and lonely down there, in the icy water. Maybe he could sense its sorrow, calling to him…

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Easy: Success] - His hands, which are always stiffly placed behind his back, are trembling.

ENDURANCE - This is the shuffle of a tired, tired man.

HALF LIGHT - He’s going to do something drastic because of you. Oh god, terrible! You’re a terrible liar! You can’t look at this, you just can’t!

VOLITION [Formidable: Success] - It's not *you* who drove his kineema into the sea. You have plenty of faults, but this one is decidedly not yours.

KIM KITSURAGI - He kneels down with his head bowed, casting his face in shadow. He plants a hand on the ice to stabilize himself, squinting to get a better view of the motor carriage. “Detective, it says ‘57’ on it.”

YOU - Sweat drips down your brow, and you feel a terrible headache coming. “Maybe our joyrider has an affinity for that number?”

LOGIC - He's not stupid, he knows that it's not that.

KIM KITSURAGI - “57.”

YOU - “What about 57?”, you brace yourself.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Precinct 57.”

YOU - You wince. “Kim, look-”

KIM KITSURAGI - “When I woke up in the Whirling-in-Rags with no memory of what happened during the days before, I've taken note that something of mine has gone missing.” He grits his teeth. "A very. Important. Something."

He runs his hands over his face, messing his already unkempt hair in the process. Regret creeps up on his features. “God. Fuck. They’re going to fire me over this, they’re not going to hear me out.”

EMPATHY - Desperation settles in the lieutenant's tone. Sadly, you find yourself in agreement, even if you don’t want it to be the truth.

YOU - “People are more valuable than machines, Kim.”

KIM KITSURAGI - “Not people like me.” He rasps.

YOU - “…”

KIM KITSURAGI - Before you can say anything more, you fail to notice the lieutenant carefully walking onto the edge of the ice. He looks over the frigid water, a dizzying blue that mirrors and distorts his exhausted face back to him.

YOU - “Kim?”

KIM KITSURAGI - Seconds pass as he looks to be contemplating something. Out of nowhere, he casually takes another step where the ice ends and the sea begins. It happens all too quick for the lieutenant to even voice a call for help— if he even wanted to — his body plunging into the cold water before your eyes.

YOU - “KIM!!!!”

uhhh bonus stuff? sorry i have swap au brainworms pfttt

(im not sure what skills kim has at the moment so rn he only has narration as his inner monologue ok whoops, i would like to keep harry as the guy who thinks in dialogue trees so im still figuring it out pfttt)

also, this was done bc i wanted to expand on these old scribbles of mine, just like an idea, i just think that he'd be having an even worse time wheezes

[fafameow]

could you draw ribbon please?

sure!

Ribbon is a character I actually don't draw a lot, I think I quickly drew her like three times before so I never took the time to properly make art centered around her. She's adorable that's for sure and I wanted to draw her dynamic with Adeleine (a character i also draw rarely lol), together they make a great duo (thanks star allies for that hehe)

Thank you for your request ^^

[heartorbit]

so when's the wxs phantom of the opera set

[ninjasmudge]

im just fucking with him your honour (read: trying to figure out how to draw him)

[calebsrottingcorpse]

Philip Witteba- *cacophony of disturbing noises and a big explosion*

(original scene below the cut)

[blotsjunkyard]

[sualne]

quick realistic law portrait

[arinmoss]

Celeste (she/her)