#also to be clear i am glad that people get support re sex lives and using strap ons and such. its very sweet and nice

[aoifereal]

Experience opening Reddit during work hours:

r/lrcast I thought my limited deck was good, but it went 0-3... Any thoughts? [Image of a pile of C- cards split over 3 colours]

r/actuallesbians what did I do wrong? [story about woman who's bisexual girlfriend cheated on her]

RECOMMENDED IN YOUR AREA r/casualuk I'm American, and I tried beans on toast for the first time - it's really good! [Photos of beans on toast without any cheese even]

r/butchlesbians is it weird that I like using a strap-on in bed? [person describing perfectly normal way to have sex and everyone is very sweet and nice to them]

r/discoelysium I said a racist thing and the game seemed to make fun of my opinions? [Guy getting clowned on in the comments]

RECOMMENDED IN YOUR AREA r/UKPF hi I'm considering moving to the middle east for a tax break. I don't earn much, just 350k. Is it worth it?

[rosepetals-flyingbirds]

Don’t Leave.

With: Bucky x Reader.

Words: 3.548.

Yes, i have a similar version with Ivar.

“Do you love me?”

“Yes.”

“Say you love me.”

“I love you.”

She would ask that, she didn’t want to sound clingy, probably why the moments she asked those simple four words were always when they were the most intimate.

How beautiful she is. Bucky could never grasp why she was with him. Y/N would always laugh when he said something as cliche like “I’m so lucky to have you”,“you’re so beautiful, what are you doing with me?”, "my sweet little angel", "my doll".

The truth was that Y/N found Bucky extremely handsome. She could watch him all day if required. She loved his eyes, his lips, his facial hair which seemed to grow by seconds, his soft hair, his jaw, his scars, his metal arm, his nightmares.

Everything.

But she also loved his personality. He was such a complicated person! Traumatized, stubborn, closed off but… he was funny, so damn smart, sweet, surprisingly romantic, and truly cared about her.

Both were too scared to start something when they first fell for each other. Bucky had such a terrible life filled with torture and loss. So even if unconsciously, he expected pain from all the situations, and if he couldn't love himself how could someone else love and accept him?

And Y/N had too much trust issues to trust a guy. Maybe it could be her father’s responsibility for cheating on her mother, hell, even her mother’s fault for cheating on her father!

Maybe it was all the people's fault for cheating on their s/o and acting like it was okay… like it was some animal instinct that overpowered them.

Weak.

But she allowed Bucky in her heart, how could she not? Never a guy has made such sweet displays for her. It was in the details, when he saved the last cupcake for her. When he would give her his jacket. Or offered her a ride on his motorcycle when she needed to go somewhere and Bucky didn't want her feeling crowded in the subways and buses.

Even so much as buying flowers. Back in the day it was normal, to court someone. Buy some flowers, a box of chocolate -or in the case of New York's depression, a flower stolen on the neighbor and some candy his parents had saved in the fridge- but in the modernity, it seemed as "clichê", he thought of asking help to make a cd to you, but then they said now it was a playlist-thing and he excluded that idea because it was getting too weird and he didn't want to ask help. So he did buy flowers, not a bouquet, but a small jar with a tiny flower so she could plant, then another, then a small cactus, and when the idea of receiving flowers from him was something expected; He bought a bouquet.

And it was stunning.

A mix of blue roses, with white tulips, lavender, and blue nemophila. Only the most distinct, so Y/N could feel he thought about her in the whole process. Which everyone could see he did. She was the only thing that mattered to him. He was so gentle, never pushed her to do something she wasn't comfortable with, on the contrary actually, y/n that initiated the first time they had sex, the kisses grew deeper but Bucky wasn't ready so they waited until he felt comfortable. He was honest, kind, and even with his nightmares... he opened up to her, allowed her in the vastness that was his mind. His guilt, his pain.

He trusted her, and Y/N thought it was amazing.

Once -while friends- they went to a small gathering Fury throw to celebrate a successful mission that took a couple of years to be done. And everyone was dressed up, and even that some said it was a small party, it ended up with 200 people. Bucky didn't want to go at first, but Steve told him it would do good, and then Y/N was excited too so he made the effort.

Besides, since he started working with the team, the shield agents took a likening to the metal armed man.

Bucky thought in holding his hair together in a man bun, but then he felt weird so he took it off. So he tried another style but it was also ridiculous. He ended up letting it freely, as usual, she seemed to like in that way.

But deep down he just wanted to look good. For her.

They went together to the place, of course it was high safety so they could relax, even for just a moment. Y/N looked stunning, per usual, she didn't like to use makeup on the daily basis, and she was a fucking piece of art. But she also managed to look striking with those products on her face, Buck giggled as she held his arm for support since she was wearing Natasha's heels, and since people always saw them together and adding that in the party people were sure they got together. 

Steve was proud, very much. Even though his heart broke a bit since he had a major crush on Y/N since the day he saw her for the first time. But the way Bucky looked at her... that was what love glowed like.

But as the night went on and Y/N mixed with her other friends, Bucky kept alert and spotted a man staring at her, he was Jay Halstead, a good guy, great agent, and Y/N's friend, and what pissed Bucky more was the fact that they would look great together.

If Jay was a prick, it would be easier but he was a good fella, as good at the level that he served with Sam in the army, good as he was the one that helped Steve to find the best psychologic on the country.

Annoyingly good. And he would be good for her.

Buck was talking with Steve and Clint when he got a glimpse of Jay approaching y/n, and she was very happy to see him. Hugged him and even allowed him to linger his arm on her shoulder.

Buck's stance changed and Steve realized why.

Clint drank his beer and shrugged. "If she isn't your girlfriend you can't be pissed because other guys like her."

Buck didn't agree, nor responded but he knew what Clint meant.

Before Steve could give some advice Buck smiled, y/n waved at him and called him over.

Buck looked at Steve who told him it was okay.

Jay smiled seeing Bucky, shook his hand and Buck was glad Jay’s arm wasn't around y/n's shoulder anymore.

"Hey, just wanted to congratulate you on the last mission, saw the files and you fixed what Fury has been trying to fix in 12 years."

Taken aback by the praise Buck only nodded, but a small smile lingered on his face. "Thanks, man."

"And also he now beats Steve in the mornings run." Y/N confessed.

Jay laughed and by Y/N’s smile it was clear it was an inside joke. "No one can ever beat Steve Rogers, I fainted last time I tried."

"Well, I have been winning in runs over the punk since we were 10. Some things don't change with time."

"Yeah, i have to go. Mission tomorrow morning, just passed by to say hello to everyone." Jay leaned and kissed Y/N's cheek. "Bye, sweetheart. Good to see you." And then extended his hand again to shake Bucky's. "And congratulations again, i am happy you're in the avengers. The world needs you." With a tap on the shoulder, Jay left and Bucky stood a bit shocked for what the man said.

But after all, it was all Y/N has been saying over the months she met him.

And after what seemed like ages Y/N finally let him in. And Buck also fought his demons and allowed to be loved and cherished by someone.

And it was amazing.

                               ...

Meeting her family took a bit longer than the ’normal’ couples take. Her family was okay, but she was worried about how they would feel and most importantly how Buck would feel.

Y/N’s family lived far and using Tony's jet they flew to her homeland, her cousin flirted with Bucky wich made Y/N glare at her almost all barbecue. Y/N's mom was a bit worried about her daughter date a man in such a dangerous life, but she was happy so that was all that mattered.

And Bucky's family was Steve, so it was clear that he accepted them together. 

Buck has never felt so much like he did with her.

                               ...

Dream.

Dream was the word Bucky could only imagine when Y/N danced for him. Her small satin dress covering her smooth skin, he loved how her hips moved so graciously, the scent of her shampoo, how she kissed his cheeks when he made coffee for her. Y/N could be in her period, feeling awful wearing baggy pants and still, she managed to steal his heart even without trying. He was sure that no one had ever loved someone as much as he loves her.

He could do anything for her.

                               ...

On a mission, Bucky was looking the area of the attack arguing with Sam of where was the best point of attack, he was really close to yell at the man who never agreed with his tactics when his phone made a ping sound letting him know a message has arrived.

Hey baby, I hope you’re okay and you haven’t slapped Samuel! I’m watching you, mister! ;)

I’ll have to make a small trip with Brenda, she had a problem with her parents and she needs me to help her. I’m sorry but I really have to go. See you in a few days.

Bucky, I love you. With all that I am.

Bucky found it weird, Brenda’s family lived in another country, why she would make such travel in a hurry? 

Of course, Y/N was a good friend, but she didn’t do such spontaneous things.

As he glanced at his cellphone with a keyboard (designed for him, since his metal arm managed to break the last smartphones) he re-read the messages before he tried to call her only to be met with a voice message. He tried to calm his nerves down and finish his work. She had warned him after all, it wasn’t like she went away without telling him.

At their apartment, he saw a few notes here and there, one in the fridge telling she left some leftovers for some days. 

Another in the bathroom reminding him to buy shampoo and one on their bedroom saying: “You won’t die if I stay a few days away.”

Silly girl.

But even if Buck was suspicious of the sudden new he needed to trust her, he couldn’t be the crazy boyfriend who didn’t trust his girl.

However on the next day, he found it completely weird that she didn’t call him, she sent a text saying she was okay and safe but she couldn’t call him, he asked why but she just asked him to trust her and quickly stopped answering his texts.

Really really weird.

Was she kidnapped? Was she cheating on him? Was she really traveling with her friend? His mind couldn’t stop making ideas up. Bad assumptions up.

Gladly Bucky had a great memory so he remembered Brenda’s adress when Y/N went there a few months prior, he had to go there and see if Brenda was at home, if his girl was there or if she was actually out of the country. If she was out of danger.

Finally reaching the the street he stopped the car before walking to Brenda's house. He knocked on the door praying for no one to be home, but after a few seconds, it quickly opened with Brenda showing him a confused face. “Hey? What are you doing here?”

Fuck. “Hey, um, is Y/N here?”

“No, actually I haven’t talked with her for weeks now. Why? Did you guys had a fight?” For Brenda, it was almost impossible for you and Buck to fight, but as herself had a realtioship where she thought the man was perfect, she knew to expect anything.

Y/N lied, what was happening?

Knowing it wasn’t for the best to let her know about the situation he made a small smile. “Yeah, we did, I thought she was here. Thanks.” He hurriedly left not waiting for her response.

All the -painful- way home Bucky overthought his whole relationship, why would Y/N lie to him?

He couldn’t place a reason for it, the only things that were hammering on his thoughts were the hypothesis: Kidnap, cheating or she simply got tired of his traumatized self.

But why would she cheat on him? 

Wasn’t he a good boyfriend? Does she suddenly feel tired of his problems?  

Was she tired of his hard personality? 

Wasn’t he satisfying her in bed?

Have you found someone else?

Why?

And most important…if so, with who?

Bucky's mind was around doubts and adding all of his insecureness wasn’t helping much.

He didn’t even realize he reached her building until he saw his neighbor going for a walk with his dog. The whole walk he was pinned by fear and rage that he didn’t even count his steps.

To not help much his case he called her with no answer, he texted her with no answer either.

What could he do? He didn’t know where she was, or with who she was.

Was she safe?

“What is happening, my heart? Why are you lying to me?” He mumbled alone in their bedroom.

His heart cracking each thought he had.

After five longs and painful days, he received a text.

Hey Bucky. I’m going home we need to talk.

Bucky couldn’t answer, he couldn’t possibly ask what she wanted to talk about? Why would she leave him?

                               ...

There she stood, a single suitcase in her hand and a tired face.

Bucky wanted to hug her, to get in his feet, and to say how worried he was… but no! He allowed his rage to consume him when he saw she was alright and no enemy of his has taken and hurt her.

He was mad.

“Hey Bucky we-”

“Why?” Without letting her finish her sentence or even getting up from the couch, he asked.

“What?”

“Why you left and lied? Are you tired? Do you want to break up? Because i re-create the past weeks and i can’t see a reason for this, Y/N. You ran away and lied to me saying you traveled with Brenda to Brazil?”

She didn’t argue, only let the suitcase on the floor and rubbed her face. And with her silent stare, Bucky knew the end was near.

And that would break him, make all of the pieces he built in the last years since he got free from Hydra to fall apart.

Letting a sarcastic chuckle his frustration over the last weeks started to show with full force. “You’re selfish! I always said that i don't need your help, that i was broken and still am but you didn't have to stay with me. I always warned you and now that i'm so fucking deep in love with you-you will destroy this. But please, tell me what is it. Am I not satisfying you enough? Or is the nightmares? Maybe because i ca not go to the library with you or because we can’t go to the movies and i know you always says that Stark's is almost the same but you love movies and Y/N-” 

For more dramatically Bucky sounded, she knew he was self-conscious about his state, of course, he did therapy to help with his self-loathing but seeing the most precious thing getting ready to leave was about to break his cold-mended heart.

Making all his therapy process going to air.

Y/N stood there, looking tired and staring at him. She knew he would be mad, she was mad at herself for lying so blatantly. “Are you done?”

Taking a deep breath and placing his hands on his pockets he nodded, trying to control the tears to leave his eyes.

“I’m not cheating you, I never did, I never will. And i'm not tired of us. I’m not overwhelmed, you are the most important thing in the universe to me.” She took her jacket off and walked to the couch.

Bucky looked at her carefully while she approached him, so what was the problem then. “Tell me.”

“I’m not trying to break up with you, if that is what you think.”

He nodded and let a small sigh let his nostrils. A lock of hair leaving his man bun and Y/N's fingers itched to pull it behind his ear.

“I… I needed some time to think, I didn’t want to lie to you but I really needed some time alone without you getting worried.”

Was she sick? Why was she so sad? 

He sat by her side and looked at her lap taking a deep breath, her gaze met Bucky's and she nodded her head almost telling herself it was the proper moment. “I’m pregnant.”

The time seemed to stop for Buck, such a brilliant man and that was the only thing he hasn’t anticipated to leave her beautiful’s lips.

It made sense for him now, Y/N was always predicting the worst. Always waiting for the day he would grow tired of her and leave, or only try to have some “fun” and fool around with someone else. 

She didn’t want to have a child because she was afraid she would have to do it all by herself.

“Y/N… baby, I’m-”

“I don’t want it.” Her answer was firm but her lips were trembling with nerves. “I-” Her eyes filled with tears, even with the past days being of pure anxieties and sorrow, she still had tears left. “I can’t have it, Bucky. I- I-, I’m so scared.”

He couldn’t control his eyes when they glanced at her belly, his child was there, growing each day. He wanted the baby, wanted a boy or a girl to cherish and take care.

And only the thought of a baby so pure and ethereal as Y/N meant a lot. 

It was his.

After everything he suffered, everything he did that provoked people to suffer, he was blessed with a son or a daughter.

But he needed to focus on her.

“Will you try ab- abortion?” He didn’t want her to do that, he would try to change her mind if she said yes but he knew it was her choice.

“I… I don’t know! I mean no I won’t. I can’t! But Bucky, I’m so so scared.”

“You think I’ll leave.” He said softly, she looked at him startled, but she shouldn’t. Bucky always knew her. “You know I would never abandon you, especially not with our child.”

She nodded, her heartbeat going faster and faster by the second. He could hear it, of course he could. Apparently, the time to “cool off” didn’t help as she has thought.

Bucky gently held her waist and thigh and pulled her to his lap, Y/N hugged him tightly and started to sob. Bucky was her home.

And she was terrified he would leave her, especially with a child to take care of.

“Shh shh, pretty girl. It’ll be okay.” His hand started to caress her scalp softly trying to bring her some comfort.

Some minutes of pure comfortable silence passed before Y/N straightened her back and looked at the deep blue of his eyes. “I’m sorry I lied…” She murmured.

Bucky chuckled at the thought of how angry he was 20 minutes ago at her, now it seemed really stupid the way he allowed his demons to make him think the worst of his angel. 

“I forgive you. Y/N,” He raised his hand and touched her cheek softly, she leaned in and kissed his palm. “I know you’re worried I’ll leave or that you will have to raise that child alone but I promise you that I won’t let you down! I won’t let our child down!” He placed his other hand on her belly, Y/N smiled at the vision. 

Of course, she didn’t have a bump yet, but seeing Bucky hand touching a place where half him and half her was growing was a new comforting feeling.

Y/N nodded and smiled at him, lifting her pinky she pouted. “Promise? Even that the serum has some effect or if someone tries to take them away from me. Promise you will be there for me?”

He chuckled at her cuteness but realized how deeper the worries about a child was, interlacing his pinky with hers he nodded. “I promise.” She leaned in and kissed him lovely. She missed him.

He gazed at her, and as he passed his thumb under her eye to dry a tear, he was more sure than ever that she was the light of his life. “We got this, my love.” He affirmed his hands holding her face softly. “We do.”

Bucky Barnes is good at protecting the ones he loved, so he will do the possible and impossible to protect his perfect little family.

                        …

<3 <3 <3

[thebullmonkey]

Favorite Things: SANDITON Edition

For some reason, the first season officially ending its television run over here in The States has bummed me out even more, despite my having properly finished the season weeks ago and having already completed at least 5 full re-watches at this point.

I guess it just feels extra scary now about the fate of our dear Sanditonians? Sanditonites? Regency Cinnamon Rolls? Whatever you want to call them - I have this odd feeling of missing them even though I can watch them pretty much anytime I want. Is that weird? Am I weird? Don’t answer that!

Anyway, here’s a random, probably anachronistic list of some of my favorite Sanditon moments & things....

Every adorable Charlotte smile

The way Sidney says “Miss Heywood” whether in annoyance, anger, or secret desire

“New maid?”

Every annoyed Charlotte look - Rose has SUCH an exquisitely expressive face!

THAT SIDNEY EYEROLL

The way Sidney growls “What is it?”

The way Sidney softly questions “What is it?” to Charlotte when she’s birthing the Regatta idea

The way Charlotte & Sidney look so good standing or walking next to each other - they just look like they belong together forever

Young Stringer’s cartoonish accent in comparison to every other character’s “standard” English accent

When Esther’s all “hey you wanna walk with me” and Charlotte agrees but is too slow and Esther looks back at her after literally 3 paces like “BITCH, KEEP UP”

When Esther tells Charlotte she is “that bitch who will poison another bitch in my way” and Esther doesn’t break eye contact or her stride

Arthur talking about eating 6 or 7 slices of toast on the reg like it’s NBD

Arthur offering to make Charlotte some toast

The way Crow yells “BABERS!!” repeatedly

Crow just being an unapologetic drunken fuckboi

The Sidlotte pineapple luncheon party scene - especially how sweet it is that Sidney’s serving Charlotte soup

Arthur having about enough of Lady D’s insolence at his future BFF, Georgiana, and ravaging that rotten ass pineapple in vengeance

When Lady D calls out “Mr. Parker” and all three brothers turn around in unison - each one with their distinct personalities showing through

Tom and Sidney dressing alike for the Regatta - so cute

Basically the whole Cricket match & when Tom says “I really don’t think I am[out]!” (The timbre of his voice sounds exactly like how he spoke in "Love Actually" and I am always here for “Colin - God of Sex!” (But also FUCK TOM PARKER FOREVER, THO)

The way Sidney looks confused and aroused when Charlotte roasts him at the luncheon + tells him to STFU - she’s trying to concentrate - during The Cricket

How Sidney goes from stoic to cinnamon roll throughout 8 glorious episodes

Sidney’s soft voice

Georgiana not giving an ounce of a fuck about Edward & her immunity to his charms

"Who is your favorite poet?"

When it doesn't look like the laborers will show for The Cricket and Edward's all "CAN WE GO?!"

Every perfect thing Babington says to Esther

Esther's hair when she wears it down

The smile Esther gives when she & Lady D are playing cards after she didn't die

All the satin looks for the rich ladies (Georgi & Eliza's bitch ass)

All the WIND

The ROWING SCENE

The way Sidney says "Come on" to get Charlotte in the boat

THAT FUCKING ROWING SCENE

Sidney taking liberties and stealing body touches during that entire scene

"Keep your back straight..." & the impish laugh after he'd gotten away with such an intimate touch

Dr. Fuchs needing actual liquor to deal with Arthur & Diana's silly asses

WET SIDNEY

Charlotte's luscious wavy hair at the start of Ep 8

The Truest Self speech

All of Sidney's side eyes & spying on Charlotte's Young Stringer interactions

Young Stringer's bestie - that dude has balls and is so ride or die! Always supporting his bud in the fiercest way

The way The Beaufort girls say "Mr. Hankins"

The way the Beaufort girls always fawn over Sidney

"Admiral Heywood" - that whole adorable ass scene

Sidney's constant posing

The London carriage scenes with Char & Sid as a whole

The London carriage scene where Sidney emphatically says "I-COULD- NOT-HAVE-BEEN-ANY-CLEAR-ER..." That sounds EXACTLY how I imagine Theo actually argues IRL with people 😂

All the dancing

The brothel scene

Honestly - every Char & Sid scene is what I live for

Lady Denham ROASTING TOM'S USELESS NO-INSURANCE-HAVING ASS

Mary being so wrecked that Charlotte is leaving

Lady Susan's EVERYTHING

THAT👏MOTHER👏FUCK👏ING👏KISS

Sidney being awkward as fuck in general - but especially pre-💋

Charlotte being inquisitive & speaking her mind respectfully but also telling Sidney he sucks when he deserves it

The Char & Georgi friendship

Young Stringer & team winning the Regatta

Every profile shot of Sidney - good lord Theo is good from every angle!

BASICALLY ALL OF IT

Even though things are up in the air and I often say to myself "I kind of wish I never watched Sanditon..." (because FEELS, y'all) I'm so so so glad I did. I haven't been touched by a show or story or characters like this in a very long time. They will always be with me, I will always have random Sanditon quotes and scenes and images in my brain, and I will adore and cherish this series for the rest of my life.

FINGERS STILL MASSIVELY CROSSED THAT THE GODS BE KIND AND GIVE US A PROPER ENDING IN A SECOND SEASON.

[youarejesting]

Femme:36

[MASTERLIST]

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader,

Rating: Mature.

Warnings: Bath time fun, Sex, Handjob, Fingering (male receiving), Boy Love. They liked it so they put a ring on it. Meeting their parents and their pets.

Length: 1.3k words

Announcement: I am feeling better theoretically and have written 3 chapters of Femme today, but I keep sneezing haha. 

Recap: After realising what you really want and coming to terms finally on the fact you don’t have your family. You decide to be more open and honest about your feelings. The boys had done nothing but love and support you and you would trust them with as much as you can, admiring your ring for the first time since the proposal and bottling up your emotions. You told each of your finances how much you love them.

After Christmas, you had some time before work started again. Shocked your channel has blown up so much overnight apparently the proposal video went well. You had scheduled an engagement party of sorts with their families. Namjoon thought today, however, would be a good time to discuss the talk show that would be coming up in a month and they all agreed to the dates and said they would take time off. 

“We need outfits and we need to practice our interview questions,” Namjoon said from across the room. Watching him pace across the tiles of the bathroom, back and forth while leaning back against Jimin’s chest. Jimin himself was laying back on Yoongi’s chest you both had interrupted him. He had been relaxing in the tub and you had both wanted to join, squeezing in. Taehyung was snapping photos of the three of you in the bath. 

“You are so pretty. Look here my baby bear” The shutter flickering occasionally when he had found the perfect shot. Yoongi had closed his eyes trying to drown out the noise, his only comfort the weight on his chest.

“What about Jiyong-ssi, he could make us some nice outfits” you suggested, as for questions it will mostly be you and I talking in English the others I assume will be too nervous to speak. Now the usual questions will be how was it meeting each other for the first time…”

You had been talking for about ten minutes about possible interview questions when you were interrupted by Jimin. He was squirming his dick had started to press against your hip growing harder, he was squirming and you knew that Yoongi had to be behind all this, The man was very skilled at turning people on. 

This was confirmed when Yoongi’s hands slipped between Jimin and yourself and grasped the younger males member. Stroking him hard and rubbing the head of Jimin's cock against the smooth skin of your lower back. 

Jimin’s breathing was shaking and Namjoon finally stopped pacing to watch from over his paper trying not to make it obvious. Leaning over the side of the tub, one hand under your chin the other dangling to the floor, you unlocked your phone. Sending a short text to Jiyong about making some outfits for your interview. Looking over your shoulder, Yoongi was whispering into Jimin’s ear his hand briskly moving under the water wrapped tightly around Jimin.

“Is Yoongi making you feel good my prince?” His eyes were squeezed shut. His plump lips parted and his breath rushing past the rosy pink pillows with just the hint of a whine. “I asked you a question, Mister Jimin”

Yoongi’s eyes met yours amused. Removed his hand gesturing for you to take over. Yoongi pulled Jimin’s thighs apart and over his knees, his hand sliding down the younger males back.

Jimin’s lips were warm and soft as you grazed yours firmly against him. That mere contact had passion racing through his veins. When he parted his lips for you, you wasted no time slipping your tongue in and caressing his. The kiss was heated with breathless teasing and left an erotic feeling in the air. 

He pressed himself back into Yoongi his hips lifting out of the water. Yoongi’s hand nestled between Jimin’s thighs. Easing your other hand down to join the first gently massaging and squeezing his thick shaft. Jimin groaned breaking the kiss, you thumbed the wet slit of his penis in slow circles, his eyes rolled back in his head.

His hand travelled down to relieve himself, but you smacked it away. Bucking his hips, Yoongi continued to work him closer to release. Apart from the panting, sloshing of the bathwater and the occasional click of Taehyung’s camera, the room had fallen silent. Waiting on bated breath for the moment Jimin reached his end. 

Spilling himself across his chest was such a beautiful sight, Yoongi licked his lips and eased Jimin back to his original seated position freeing his legs from his own.

“magnum opus” Those two words fell from Yoongi’s lips, and you had to agree, it was truly a work of art, the best they had seen so far. “You did so well my handsome prince” you kissed him “was it okay?” “Good…” that was all he said before relaxing in Yoongi’s arms. You got up wrapping yourself in your red robe, grabbing Jimin’s Gold one.

“Come on my Prince you have to have strength” He clambered out of the tub and you wrapped him in his silk robe, walking him slowly to his room. You laid him down with a kiss and it wasn’t long until he had fallen asleep. 

Captivating.

Mind reeling with the memories from the bathroom growing stronger every stride to the living room. Laying on the couch, a sensual heat pooling in your core. Reliving the moment over and over. Dozing off under a heavy cloud of exhaustion.

The group dynamic seemed to shift and you would be lying if you said it didn’t scare you. Yoongi and Jimin lead you to the studio for a chat, The three of you had discussed your relationship and you were open about your thoughts desires and concerns. The boys were both very understanding and assured you that they wanted this to be a mutual arrangement. You all left feeling happy. Jimin announced at dinner that he was feeling a little more open to the idea of intimacy between everyone but was still hesitant on the topic. They all seemed to understand nodding in thought.

“Does anyone else want to open up about anything?” “Yeah, I would like to say I really like the Maknae’s and would definitely be open to the idea of intimacy with them and also with Yoongi,” Hoseok was super honest and straightforward, he gave a little laugh trying to ease the weight of his words. 

Everyone nodded in agreement and they all said a few words before it grew awkward, you brought up the trip to America, “We need to think about anything we need money clothes equipment and plan anywhere you wish to visit ahead of time,” This got the conversation flowing once more and you each discussed things you wanted to do and see in America.

They each had scheduled their leave the next day, and that afternoon Jiyong came over with Misuk to discuss the style you were looking for, for the interviews. “Something bright colourful and interesting but not too much that people think it looks weird” You each took turns getting measured.

It was the day of the ‘Engagement Brunch’ you were all meeting at the park beside Han river to meet each of their families, Yoongi had decided on the park as an excuse to see his canine companion. Hoseok’s parents were bringing Mickey, but there was also going to be Yeontan, Holly, Gureum and Monie. It was going to be a big afternoon. Your first time meeting some of the boys' parents and also their dogs. 

“They were all well behaved,” Jungkook assured you. To which Seokjin made a comment “And the dogs are good too.”

The trip to the park was full of mischief and you were glad you had brought the camera to record the boys playing in the car. You arrived setting up the tent. Jimin wrapped his scarf around your neck, holding both ends of the scarf and pulling you forward for a kiss. Deciding to walk with Hoseok to the convenience store to get some warm drinks, snacks and dog treats. 

“Guys, I am nervous,” Looking into the camera, you enjoyed sharing all these moments with your viewers you felt less alone that way. “what if your families don’t like me?” “Well you have already met three out of the seven of our biological parents, our mothers left our other dads at home. So as not to overwhelm you, and our siblings are really cool, they really want to meet you” 

Packing the items into your canvas tote bags, you took a deep breath “Okay we should head back they should almost be arriving.” On your way back to your tent, you saw everyone had indeed arrived, stopping and turning to make eye contact with Hoseok. He pulled you in for a kiss taking the camera from your hands. Walking to the clearing, you were circled by a group of playful dogs that took turns familiarizing themselves with your scent. “Ah this must be our daughter in law,” you were engulfed in hugs and kisses from various mothers and fathers. 

You all played with the puppies, they all ran around chasing toys and doing tricks for little food rewards. When you sat they all curled up beside your legs content. Mickey and Yeontan were laying in your lap and holly laid his head on your hip each taking a nap. “I haven’t seen these dogs ever settle around someone they just met, usually they are so excited for more people to give them pats” Namjoon’s father smiled.

Femme Media 36

Next Chapter

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[surrealsunday]

GODDDD GET READY GIRL!! this is my favourite favourite chapter, i loved it more than 8 and yeahhh lets wait for epilogue BUT GOD!!THIS!!CHAP!! i am a fluff baby buuut the angst was de ouf! it hurt in all the right ways omg sooo FIRST OF ALL “Eliott would have heard him over a hundred people screaming. “ THIS LINE !!! i just loooved it so so much, the sheer romanticism🥺

“On your daily list of dramatic bitch ass interns you want to strangle, has Eliott ever made the top five?” Idriss leaves it at that” THIS LINE HAHA (1)

“On your daily list of dramatic bitch ass interns you want to strangle, has Eliott ever made the top five?” Idriss leaves it at that” THIS LINE HAHA

That anon who said that they imagined eliott jerking himself off to the sex tape while crying,,, was sooo on point hahaha although it broke my heartttt when he was imagining lucas and what’d lucas say and him imagining cuddling lucas,, aaahh poor bby😞😞 and the fact that eliott was HURTING AS HELL but he said these out loud to himself “I love you. I love you. Lucas, I love you.” (2)

“Call my mom later. Fret to her about it.”

“Seriously, Eliott?!” He can hear her sigh in frustration.” Ok i didn’t get that why was SHE being frustrated and why eliott apologised her later?? i pretty disliked this lucille talking to eliott’s mom about eliott like he is some idk a thing that has to be discussed?? it annoyed me really and the fact that LUCILLE WAS THE ONE being frustrated?? i dont get it

“Why are you being like this?” “You don’t. Why are you saying that? Why –” His voice cracks. “You don’t hate me.” OK THIS OH MY GOD i could just cry from these 3 lines,,, the hurt that is so visible oh goddddd. (3)

eliott’s conversation with manon!!! was THE BEST thing is2ggg!!! only if i could copy paste the whole convo but the thing that got me specifically was when manon asked him “Does this feel like Lucas to you? The Lucas you know?” and the whole thing eliott thought about how in love he is with lucas,,, BEST BEST 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

“Lucas can’t lose you, Eliott. He’s lost… so much in his life. He’s survived it but… it’s different with you. Please just… give him a chance.” BROKE MY FUCCCN HEART (4)

“Lucas pulls back, hands tight on Eliott’s face, thumbs pressed to his cheeks. There are tears on his own, spilling over onto his cheeks, and Eliott desperately wants to kiss them away “I fucking hate you,” Lucas says through a hiccuped sob. “I hate that I don’t hate you at all. I hate that I’m so fucking in love with you I can’t remember anything before you. But it remembers me.”” FUCK FUCK I GOT CHILLS WHEN I READ THIS SCENE FUCCCC

eliott threatening dr. piece of shit LOLLL my dramatic bbbyyyy (5)

“it’s not just him I’m worried about. I don’t want to see either of you get hurt.” okay this is pretty sweet how their bestfriends care for their partners

“You two are the dumbest gays –” hahahaha idriss stating facts! (6)

“Ok, he can be a bit dramatic. But he’s been dealt a really shitty hand. He’s just doing his best – doing what he thinks is best. And… I like it – love it. The way that he is.”

“Yeah. That’s pretty obvious, bro.”

“I wish he’d let me tell him,” Eliott laments.

“He will. But maybe dial back the drama and stop chasing him around the city.”

Eliott pouts, stubbornly turning his face away. “I don’t think I will.”

Idriss chuckles “Let’s get you home before you set your brain to any other dumbass ways to declare your undying love.”

“That’s not very supportive,” Eliott complains.”,,,, OK THIS CONVO IS SOOO CUTE AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE BROMANCE BW THEM!!💓💓💓 (7)

blink if eliott misses lucas and thinks about him in his bedroom and how the last time eliott got peaceful sleep was with lucas in his arms

eliott looking at lucas’ beautifulll smiling picturee was so cute 🧡 (8)

lucas showing up in the middle of night!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I FELT THROUGH THIS SCENE aaahhh relief hurt love- everyyything!!! the hug🥺🥺🥺 why was lucas saying sorry tho? because he showed up in the middle of night or because of the way he broke off things with eliott??

i didn’t expect lucas saying ily once again and i DID NOT expect him being surprised when eliott said it back because when lucas broke off things,, eliott was clearly saying that they are together and he wants them to be together!!! (9)

“It’s not fair, I wasn’t supposed to meet you yet.” GOD THESE GAY SOULMATES 🥺🥺🥺🧡🧡

i liked them bringing old convos and references hahaha.

“Who taught you to kiss, average?” was he saying this in tease or in compliment?

“You said you thought I was the love of your life.”

“Yeah, well, two orgasms later and I’m sure.” AMAZING BANTER (10)

“Yeah.” Lucas laughs a little. “Turns out you’re my trigger – the one thing I couldn’t fake. And he said –” Lucas cuts himself off. “It doesn’t matter. I punched him.”

THIS WAS AMAZING but im curious what dr. piece of shit said about eli?

“Just for that I’m gonna mix bit of chocolate and fries into your salad when you’re not looking.” AMAZING!!! (11)

moreover i really loved how all of their friends are in secure relationships and still supportive and stuff!! we all need a idriss in our lives honestly 🥺🧡🧡 The last time i bombarded your asks this way when i read 6 and ugggh this chapter is my favourite although it has angst and i’m a fluff baby but STILL i just love it so so much!! i’m so sad about this fic being over but also happy because i’m going to reread it a million and one times. Ok thats all (+what do you say on epilogue a little earlier lol jk...unless??) well love you and your amazing fics xx. (12-end)

💜💜💜💜

YAYYYYYYY!!!! What fun reactions! It makes me sooooo happy it’s your fave chapter now! 

“That anon who said that they imagined eliott jerking himself off to the sex tape while crying” OH MY GOD I KNOW!!!! When that anon sent that ask I lol’ed so hard because it was like... how right you are and how well you know Eliott lmao. 

Oh so the Lucille and Eliott scene. Honestly it’s just an extension of how I saw their relationship in this one. I wanted it to be overall good, but still to have that friction that makes it clear why they didn’t and don’t work well together. Lucille thinks she’s doing what’s right and good for Eliott - talking to his mom, keeping her updated... essentially trying to control his life far too much and not actually allowing a lot of trust. Because they’re not in a relationship, her relationship with Eliott actually does benefit him. It keeps his mom from constantly hovering over him. But of course Eliott will harbour resentment too. So yeah, a tricky relationship. I never go into it fully but there is a lot subtly suggested. 

I love the elevator scene too! And Idriss and Eliott! 

I knew in this one I wanted Lucas to say the ‘I love you’ out loud first. It felt necessary when we’re in Eliott’s head, we know his feelings, and we see him constantly putting himself out there and fighting for Lucas. It’s essentially the narrative (and Lucas!) saying, ‘I’m in this too’. 

The ‘who taught you to kiss, average’ is fully Lucas giving Eliott shit because Eliott was being sloppy and enthusiastic and kissing like a total mess hahaha. 

I’ll answer the question re: what Moreau said in another ask - got a few people asking about it haha. 

I’m so glad you enjoyed the chapter. I loved seeing what stood out to you and all the little moments you enjoyed! 😊💕💕💕💕

[ourmanifestoisfun]

4x17 & 4x18 episode thoughts

IT’S OVER YOU GUYS!

That was one hell of a journey, and while I’m sad I won’t be able to write up week after week anymore, that still doesn’t mean there aren’t a lot of things left to say.

Dream ghosting! I was kind of hoping she went to the real Dr Akopian, but honestly dream ghosting works equally well for me. But falling asleep on the toilet, Rebecca? Really?

I love the red dress Rebecca wears, because that is the color associated with love and of course she will wear it on this important night.

Tim...spend Valentine’s Day with your wife. You learned about her clitoris, now learn to handle your 11-12-year relationship. Seriously.

Maya looks cute though. Love her Reveal

All of Paula’s heart decorations are marvelous. Especially digging the earrings.

The time fakeout was nicely played. I got spoiled for that going in, but I appreciated how they clarified when “earlier” actually was.

Josh’s panic about Rebecca’s decision made it sound like it was...not entirely about her, more that he had finally reached a new stage in his life and was ready to share it with someone compatible. I wish they had delved into that more.

George’s “Raven’s Nest” is terrifying

Yay for Darryl and his blended family with April. Also holy hell that is going to be a crowded household.

All of Rebecca’s flashforwards were very short, but I liked those different glimpses into different lives and how frustrated she was that the Rebeccas in them were not happy.

So much cuteness: Rebecca + Greg’s wedding dance, pregnant!Rebecca presenting a baby Ruth Gator Ginsburg to Nathaniel, and her+Josh’s family breakfast with their adorable kids

Having the episode be a little more stripped down and center on Rebecca and Paula felt very natural, because that is how the show started and it would be the way to make it come full circle. While their relationship is no longer nearly as codependent and have other aspects of their lives as priority, it is good to see them still come together and rely on each other for pivotal moments.

ESPECIALLY having Rebecca bring Paula into “that weird thing [she] does”. Seeing her run around and peer excitedly at the costumes, and being so excited about this rich imagination of her best friend is just so heartwarming.

What she needs “just happens to be here” and the handholding moments GAHHHHHH

Also ‘11 o’clock’ was PERFECT. Love how they took all of these seminal songs and brought them together with the mannequins and the outfits and everything gahhhhhhh

I’m so proud of Paula for sticking to her guns about the pro bono arm of the firm and being prepared to walk away in order to continue doing something that she felt was right. Paula now knows her worth as a lawyer - now she can figure out how to use her worth and apply it to her drive. And Julia was willing to listen, so it paid off!

Watching Josh get his heart broken was hard, because the poor boy did not see it coming.

It makes sense for him to move out, but I wish we knew what he was doing for a living now.

I like the tidbit that him and George hang out now.

Josh’s new magic club girlfriend looks super nice and cute. But meeting Rebecca must have been so awkward. Especially if she followed the saga in the Daily West Covina.

Also, I wished she had a name. Please, for fan-fictional reasons!

AJ moving in with Rebecca is fun, but also such a bad idea. I am relieved that he will never tell her whether he has a vibrator or not.

I love AJ in general. For introducing a new supporting character, they came out very strong with him and I’ve really enjoyed having him around.

I hope she does get him that Harvard t-shirt

Valencia and Beth are engaged! And it was both quiet (in bed) AND a little bit dramatic (the drone). Looking forward to that wedding.

Heather and Hector got a hot tub! 

...maybe Rebecca shouldn’t be using it at the same time as them.

I liked that Nathaniel recognized what was happening with Rebecca very quickly and I kinda hope he was joking about the rock (knowing him though, he wasn’t). Still, the “you only have one life to live and you should live it the way you want” was a sweet sentiment.

Nathaniel walking away from his father’s firm was exactly what I wanted for him. I’m not sure he should stay long term in Guatemala, but a change to reevaluate his life will be good for him.

Also that he did it with the support of two psuedo-father figures and yelled ‘’I love you’ at his dad before hanging up. I am very pleased by that because Sr would HATE it.

I’m glad that Greg made it clear that he wasn’t going to wait for Rebecca

I loved Rebecca’s tribute to him at the open mic night, that he is someone who has always been ahead, and that she wants to have the passion in her life that he has for Serrano’s.

Whijo’s grumping about it was hilarious.

I am sure that Whijo had great things happen in his life too in the past year, but ouch re: the wildfire burning both his apartment and his childhood home.

To the surprise of no one, Rebecca is not in a relationship at the time of the ending. But given how they played her breakups with the boys with gentleness, and the idea that she has a focus of her own now rather than needing to actively “choose herself”, really worked for me, because romance is still important and desirable part of life. It’s just not the only part of it, and when Rebecca says that she feels ready to welcome the other side of love into her life, I believe her.

The panning shot of all of the eligible guys made me laugh way too hard.

I did want to hear her song, but that is an excellent way to close things off.

For the concert special I don’t have this kind of list, but it was fun and sweet and a perfect send-off as well. My favorite gag is either between David Hull dancing in Vella’s song, or Michael MicMillan’s sexy toothbrushes. The Period Sex choreography was GREAT. Especially the incredibly obvious maxipads. They are all stupidly talented.

It’s also really cool that they were able to have so many of the supporting cast come join them for props/backup vocals/gags. That made it feel really warm and complete.

Also loved Vinnie popping out of the bed for the Sex Medley

In many ways, this episode resolution was simple and probably predictable for anyone who has thought about the show as deeply as the people here think about it. There was so much focus on the boys in the last few weeks that it was incredibly obvious that the solution would be that she would choose none of them, because to actually have the conflict for the final episode narrowed down to that choice would go against the very nature of the show. But the way it was handled really worked for me. Rebecca has a life and routine and friends, plus now she has a passion to nurture to its full potential. This first version will be rough, but it will be something.

I do have my criticisms, because while I love this show, there have been quite a few plot points/character beats that I feel were shorted/not touched upon: Josh’s story in particular feels incomplete to me, especially when it comes to having direction in his life. I wanted to see more of Heather+Valencia this season and especially have a stronger focus on Rebecca being a better friend to her gurlgroup, which was often glossed over. I wish things hadn’t gotten so frenetic, or the love quadrangle taken up so much time that could have been spent on moving the characters more gradually in certain directions. In general, I wanted to explore other background character relationship dynamics on a deeper level. There’s also the consistent question of when and how often the writers were knowingly subverting or playing into with tropes, which I suspect also contributed to how the back half of this season was devised.

But this story has always been Rebecca’s story, for better or worse, and that focus is part of what makes this ending feel satisfying, knowing that she is in a centered, happy place, that she is surrounded by people she loves, and the room might include the guy who will be her future mate or not, and she is about to give them words from her heart. This was an apt ending to a phase in her life where she wasn’t sure what she wanted, and I’m happy for her and for everyone, and in the end that is what I wanted from this show.

“I open at the close” - written by JK Rowling, tweeted by Rachel Bloom, and applicable to Rebecca Bunch’s story. She now knows the passion that makes her happy, so we can leave her to a future wide with possibilities.

[paperclipninja]

Younger post-ep ramble 6x09

After the very public outing of Liza’s real age last week, it was no surprise that this week’s Younger episode, ‘Millennial’s Next Top Model’, was all about the fallout. In true Younger style we were treated to some unexpected twists and turns, saw Kelsey take control at work and in her personal life and welcomed back my #1 mega-villain who I hate-love fiercely, Quinn Tyler.  This ep was written by Grant Sloss, who is responsible for a number of my favourite episodes and lot of my fave moments in the series and one thing I am always blown away by is his ability to craft character interactions in which the sentiment and emotion are really palpable (plus the one-liners are always top of the game) and we certainly saw a number of those this week.  Even though Liza is 100% responsible for the position she now finds herself in, my heart went out to her this whole episode and Kelsey, Charles and Diana’s show of solidarity right from the get-go pretty much sums up everything I love about this show. 

I need to say upfront that while I know this episode is all about Liza, it is hands down my favourite episode of Kelsey’s in the series. In a time of real pressure and stress, we see Kelsey step up in the role of publisher, starting with the damage control team meeting in her office. I have big feelings about this opening moment, in which Diana proves why she is an actual Queen who rises above past grievances and now offers unwavering support of Liza while continuing to have zero time for Zane’s bullshit (the ‘well mercifully they have a paywall now’ to Zane’s New York Magazine tidbit was all of the yes). We learn of the deal with Infinitely 21 (was it just me or did anyone else get heart flutters at the thought of Kelsey, Diana and Liza being their brilliant selves and brokering that arrangement? Just me? Cool) and I have spoken of my love for the way this show parodies real life things but this might take the cake. Alexa, what are synonyms for ‘forever’? I just adore that it is very clear that Kelsey is in charge and that Charles and Diana are offering up potential solutions (Diana’s ‘rest her a bit’ is so in character I cannot. Between that and Charles’ thoroughbred thighs from season 4 I fully expect her to have a couple of horses upstate somewhere called Charles and Liza by the end of this series), meanwhile Zane clearly still hasn’t caught on to the fact that these three are not going to throw Liza under a bus.

Enter Liza as he’s ending his tirade about her poisoning the company (and lbh, what he is saying isn’t actually ridiculous from a business p.o.v but he’s talking about the best friend, girlfriend and (old) maid of honour of the people in the room) and it’s awkward af and pretty awful and I want to climb through my screen, wrap Liza in a blanket and tell her it’s all going to be ok. Zane’s extreme over-estimation of his importance in Liza’s life continues when he tells her that what he’s saying can’t be personal because ‘I don’t know who you are’ (worth it for Charles’ ‘Zane’ reprimand though amirite) and as I said after last week’s episode, I can’t even count on one hand the number of interactions Zane and Liza have had so yes Zane, that is accurate and nothing to do with her age reveal. At least once he discovered that Kelsey has known about the lie he FINALLY has a reason to be hurt (maybe? Still a little fuzzy on this one) and look Zane saying they’re all insane might be somewhat accurate but everyone in that room loves Liza and I love all of them so I felt personally attacked tbh.

Keeping with the stellar guest star casting this season, Shelly Rozansky (played by Annaleigh Ashford) is every kind of irritating as brand rep of Infinitely 21. Kelsey and Liza’s meeting with her, in which Shelly explains that 'the tea’ is that their authentic brand cannot be associated with Millennial’s inauthentic one (I love the moral high ground re: brand but I’m pretty sure Millennial doesn’t have factory workers making less than a living wage so…) and this very real ramification of Liza’s lie paves the way for one of Liza’s best moments on the show to date.

Taking that tea of Shelly’s and throwing it in her face, Liza’s monologue that 'everyone is pretending to be younger’ reaches it’s climax with the zinger, 'Millennial is not an age, it’s an attitude and if you can’t sell that, we’ll go somewhere else’, and Kelsey’s look of pride, same girl SAME. One thing I have commented on in the past is that as a '26 year old’ Liza rarely, if ever, really stood up for herself. The few times we’ve seen her do so have been as the forty year old who takes no crap from anyone (David, Charles, Don) so I am here times a million for strong ass Liza to finally shed that guilt, know her worth and be able to show this side of herself now that the lie is no longer in play (I feel like Diana will dig this very much).

Turns out Shelly was quite into Liza’s feisty outburst too ('what you screamed at me today, justifiably, we’re still friends promise…it resonated’ = award winning line/delivery combo), as she calls to let Liza know they’re going to unfreeze the partnership and asks Liza to be the face (and legs) of Infinitely 21’s Spring campaign. This phone call takes place in a very delicious looking cupcake shop where Liza and Charles are playing cards with his daughters in an all round delightful family situation that gives us a glimpse of the Miller-Brooks dynamic and makes the point that after a pretty terrible day, Liza is grateful to have this in her life to counter all the drama. I am also pleased to see that Bianca and Nicole have been located (meanwhile Caitlin, Beth and all of Josh’s friends remain stuck in the Upside Down or have become bunker people or something equally ominous I fear).

I am very into a number of aspects of this entire scene: a) Charles eating candy just up and gets me for some reason. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it, but it’s akin to seeing him walking round barefoot, it confuses my brain but I’m pretty sure I like it; b) Bianca is clearly the fave child with her cute little, 'I won’t take your last bag of candy Liza’ (lol at Charles’ 'wow’ when Liza offers that up for the taking btw, he knows that’s a serious gamble) though I was 100% Nicole as a kid; c) those kids are so not sleeping after all that sugar so I hope they’re staying at Pauline’s, while Charles’ dad game is strong with the breakfast cupcakes and; d) Charles kissing Liza on the cheek as she takes Shelly’s call is so damn sweet (pun intended) and supportive and I love that Liza suggesting he go stand with the girls in case she starts crying again indicates she has been an open mess around him. It’s writing like this that I really appreciate when there is so much to fit into an episode, because it provides insight into the kind of relationship Liza and Charles have when there simply isn’t time to show it.

While Liza is drowning her sorrows in candy and cupcakes, Maggie is at the brilliantly cringy art exhibit, 'Masculinity Detox: A Softer Male Gaze’. Look I have to be honest, I was really happy to see Oded Fehr because he can play a skeeze with charm like no other, but I don’t know how I feel about this entire plot. I can only comment on it from a straight perspective, so I am aware that I’m not really in a position to express an opinion in relation to the impact of showing a gay character thinking it’s a good idea to sample a penis every ten years or so, but I certainly feel like it’s problematic. In relation to this character though, it is consistent with Maggie sleeping with Tommy Minetti (and his sister Tammy) as a result of Berlin’s 'Take my Breath Away’ (I don’t know why I remember that, I can’t remember what month it is yet this stuff is right there) and there is no denying that there were actual sparks between Maggie and Rafael in the loft, the palpable chemistry that Grant Sloss’ eps seem to draw out on full display. 

Another dimension of Maggie that I love seeing emerge in this ep is that while she is usually a total badass in absolute control, every now and then we see that her judgement of character is just way off. There was Montana, those weirdo art collectors who actually collect artists and now this guy. I love that there’s a side of her that gets a bit blinded by flattery so she thinks 'what the hell?’ and the inevitable 'oh I CAN-NOT with this bullshit’ that follows, usually very publicly - Exhibit A: Maggie countering dirtbag Rafael’s, 'I’ll change you mind, I’m a flipper’ with a literal flip of the restaurant table once she realises she was simply another conquest. She seems so unflappable that these reminders that she’s fallible (I legit sometimes forget she’s not an actual super hero) are really great and maintains the 'flawed human’ aspect this show does so well. Honestly, other than Liza in a full tracksuit (sweat clothes?? I don’t know what it is in American but that cute pink sweat top and sweatpants combo) thinking they were being robbed and very confused by what had happened (so were we all lbh and Kinsey 9 LOL), it was Maggie equating sex with a man to being suffocated by a damp rug that was the highlight of this entire storyline for me. So damn funny.

Diana continues to have Liza’s back as she heads to the photo-shoot to steer her away from anything pleather (I may need a spin off of these two or some kind of one off special episode that’s just an elaborate Diana/Liza adventure, maybe rescuing Caitlin and co. from the bunker??), but not before we catch Kelsey still slaying it as a boss as she leaves a voicemail for the increasingly petulant Zane. Hearing her so firm and sure of herself is brilliant and the friendship vibe between Diana and Kelsey is peaking and I am loving every bit of it. I am so glad we heard Diana asking Kelsey how she took the lie, while Diana was able to forgive and move forward it would have been strange if we didn’t see her still processing some of it this week. Plus it’s Diana who points out that Zane’s tantrum is not because Liza is who he is upset with (and THANK YOU Kelsey for pointing out that Liza and Zane hardly know each other). 

Rather than letting the whole Zane thing fester away, Kelsey continues to impressively show initiative by going to Zane’s and offering to cook dinner (which Zane knows is a lol and it’s not long before he’s cooking, so well played Kels) to give him the opportunity to ask anything he wants and she will answer honestly. Once a proper explanation of why Liza lied and why Kelsey kept it from him is given, Zane suddenly reverts back to being a rational human being which is a relief because he was fast becoming the worst (though his comment that they were all bad liars, what now?? Yes they be cray but their lying game is strong friend). I am not particularly invested in Kelsey and Zane as a pairing but I always appreciate good storytelling and writing, and revisiting the fact Zane told her he loved her in past tense was an example of both of these. In order for any kind of relationship between these two to progress believably this needed to be addressed and hearing Kelsey call Zane out on his shitty and manipulative behaviour was great, but even greater was seeing Kelsey drop her guard.

Opening up about being mad at herself too and that maybe if they were both more open about their feelings they wouldn’t have wasted so much time denying how they really felt; that she felt, no, feels, the same way, present tense; the resetting of the timer so she can finish what she was going to say instead of taking the option of backing out; the honest conversation…you know what all this is? Growth. Kelsey Lorraine Peters, I am just so damn proud of you because I am the first to admit that I was not sure this character could be redeemed for me after last season but here we are. The emotion for this whole scene, you could feel it and Zane’s, 'oh that timer was for food’ was fab, before he just casually drops in, ’ I love you, but stay out of my kitchen’. OK.  Smitten mode activated.

Meanwhile, Diana is no doubt enjoying Shelly’s disbelief that she and Liza are almost the same age about as much as a root canal and Lauren appears with a 'bowflex for your face’ to combat the 5 o'clock jowls. Side note: Lauren and Liza really need to have a convo asap because I definitely feel like Lauren is not ok with the lie since it’s been revealed. Scene of the ep goes to Charles walking into the trailer (with flowers for Liza *swoon*) while Diana is flapping that contraption, before he slowly backs away and I tell you, I was howling so hard I almost ruptured something. Liza’s hideous romper/scooter combo is just no on many levels, she clearly feels super unnatural and the photographer snapping Charles and Liza, who are not expecting to be photographed while her being made up to look so young obviously makes them look very far apart in age and a bit awks means that yes, the daddy/daughter dance vibe is strong, though that line made me vom in my mouth a little bit.

Between shoots our extremely excellent villain Quinn pays Liza a visit to show her support and her well-polling glasses. Her real talk that the good news about the publishing reaction to Liza’s lie is that 'eight blocks outside of midtown, nobody cares’, is what we were all thinking and is def to be filed under 'G’ for Gold. So naturally Quinn drags her into a completely self-serving NY1 interview (bless Liza for thinking they wanted to interview her) and I freaking love Quinn, she’s such a delicious character coz she’s awful and funny and pretty and a total smart ass. I stan.

Before we jump to the second part of the photo-shoot I have to say that the very obvious ploy to try and juxtapose Liza’s relationships with Charles and Josh felt like it was trying too hard and was mostly disappointing to me because it felt so forced. I want to be very clear that it has nothing to do with who I like Liza with romantically, it would have felt contrived regardless and was the only aspect of the episode that I felt could have been crafted with a little more nuance. Or maybe that was the point? Perhaps the obviousness was part of the humour of it *shrug emoji* 

Either way, Liza is looking pretty exhausted when Josh turns up at the bar photo-shoot for reasons (whose name I am betting is Lauren Heller because there is no way he would just turn up and it is 100% in her wheelhouse to send him along after seeing the expressions on her face at the earlier shoot. I feel like this will def come out at some point and that really this whole shoot is serving to bring about stuff in future eps) and he doesn’t get to explain why he is there because he’s teasing Liza about being a model and I really do love their banter. Shelly has no idea what’s happening but she likes it and is thirsting pretty hard as she shakes his hand and I enjoyed hearing Liza talk about Josh as patient zero, her 'would you correct him?’ as she squeezed his cheeks made me smile. I know there have been a LOT of feelings about this scene expressed on social media, but I found the reminiscing, as Josh talked about how when he first met Liza he thought she was smart and sexy and he wanted to keep talking to her, really sweet (and quickly countered by his joking about being really drunk and it being dark).  

I actually love this dynamic so much and if this show had moved these two properly into the friendzone I would be celebrating this as a pin-up example of how to show romantic-platonic relationship transition. I still may, because at this stage there is nothing to indicate that Liza is anything but committed to Charles and Josh gave no impression of pining for her IMO, but as an experienced TV connoisseur (aka obsessive tv show watcher) I am not naive enough to think that this interaction mightn’t be setting in motion a resurgence of the triangle. By the same token, I do not see any triangle in play at the moment and one thing this show does excel at is surprising us, so time will tell, but I am going to keep my faith in the writers to tell good, compelling stories that stay true to all the excellent characters and narratives they have in front of them, as they have done up until now.

While Liza’s colleagues aren’t going to throw her under a bus, Quinn is not only more than happy to, I’m pretty sure she’d drive the bus herself if it served her own self interest.  Quinn saying that she found out about Liza’s lie the week before in The New Yorker article, ooomph, did you feel that? It was the wind being knocked out of all of us, along with poor Liza, as Quinn counters Liza’s suggestion that she knew the truth before she invested on live TV. It was evident fairly quickly that Quinn was using the interview as a campaign platform and Liza’s expression as Quinn betrays her so publicly is yet another credit to Sutton Foster’s incredible talent.

My Kelsey love was brought home this week when she met Quinn following the NY1 interview. She is unrelenting in her backing of Liza and unwavering in her stance to Quinn when she is asks her to fire Liza. From the moment she arrives Kelsey is so kick ass, she sees every one of Quinn’s attempts to bully her into getting what she wants and Kelsey’s, 'please don’t minimise the strength I bring to this meeting’ was such a hell yes moment. There is something so satisfying about seeing Quinn in a position where she needs something from Kelsey and Kelsey standing so firm. Kelsey’s 'are we done here?’ before walking away was such a power move and the transition into her own office the next day, with Charles reassuring her that she did the right thing, was wonderful. Seeing these two as equals, talking business with a bit of a mentor/mentee dynamic is a dream. It was on my season 6 wish list and I can’t wait to see more of it.

It is upon discovering that Audrey Colbert’s manuscript delivery cheque bounced and that Diana just heard one of the Jennifer’s, the sloppy one from publicity (this line, I swear and also I need to meet her), say her direct deposit didn’t go through that we discover Quinn has thrown the ultimate tantrum and pulled her funding and Mercurennial is broke.

Poor Liza feels that it’s all her fault, I’m sure partly because of the way her colleagues turn and look at her when she walks in the office and partly because it is, but Charles continues to play the role of ultimate supportive partner as they stroll down the street after work, pointing out that Liza attracted Quinn to the company in the first place (and we ALL know it was not the company she was attracted to). I am simple folk and Charles saying he’s spoken for as he put his arm around her made me melt into a puddle and if anyone is feeling concerned about Liza’s level of besotted, watch this final scene as Charles reassures her that, 'you know what’s great about the worst thing happening? There’s no place to go but up. Only good things ahead’. I may have actually died from the sweetness of the entire thing and Liza does exactly what any self respecting person would in that situation and kisses him before they walk off hand in hand. To live happily ever after…jokes LOL I mean it’s television and it turns out Infinitely 21 has the most efficient marketing team on the planet because their campaign is launched and whattya know, it looks as though Liza and her ex will be plastered all over the city. 

File under 'O’ for OF COURSE.

[pickledchickenetti]

(pt 1) I'm a woman and am happily married to another woman and I don't understand why everyone was so upset at Krista. She openly supports marriage equality and has defended it. She has close LGBT friends (I know having black friends doesn't make you not racist but in my experience people that have been opposed to my sexual orientation stop being friends with me) and advocates for LGBT persons to be included in the church and conservatives to accept us.

Hi friend, thanks for your thoughts! I don’t know your background, so I hope that my answer doesn’t come across as condescending or rude as that is certainly not my intention. My opinions on Krista’s stance on gay issues are strongly colored by my experiences, which I have no problem admitting. I’m sure plenty of other LGBT folks have different feelings, which is totally fine. For what it’s worth, I saw more people upset with Krista over her posts about abuse victims not remarrying after a divorce than I have over any of the LGBT posts she’s made, but I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t regularly made critical comments about her LGBT posts/stances here. 

In order to be fair to her, I decided to go back through her blog (on Tumblr, not her other blog) and re-read her posts on gay issues in order to make sure that I’m not taking other people’s comments about her or vague memories I have of old posts and projecting my own frustrations with other conservative Christians’ opinions onto Krista.. I’m going to do my best to source anything I reference via links to that post, but I apologize if I miss anything. 

I will also be focusing on issues regarding people who are sexually attracted to the same sex (using the blanket term of “gay”, which also represents bi/pan/etc.) for this post. I am cis myself, and your question references your same-sex relationship and family, so in this case it feels appropriate to stay in my lane and not offer opinions on a cis person’s stances on gender issues as another cis person. I do not mean to exclude gender nonconforming people from the overall LGBT community in any way. 

The oldest about posts I can find from Krista about anything gay-related are anons asking her opinions. I’m fairly sure that this is the first one, where she essentially gives a fairly neutral action that could be interpreted as “I don’t think being gay sends you to hell” or as “I think gay people can go to heaven too as long as they repent of that sin along with the others”. She does not make it clear what her opinion on same-sex attraction specifically is, as another anon then pointed out in this post. Does her tone in addressing the anon bother me? Yes. Does she have the right to call out people she feels are being rude to her? Also yes. 

Early on in the post she says “First, you missed out on a lot of people. It’s actually LGBTQIAAP.” (likely referencing the anon saying LGBTQIA), and it’s just a personal pet peeve of mine for straight people to try to act like they have any authority on things like the acronym, but I realize that that’s just me and she also has no way of knowing the anon’s sexuality so perhaps it was one straight person (sarcastically) informing another straight person of a perceived shortcoming. Perhaps not. She then goes on to defend her refusal to give a “straightforward answer” by, in my opinion, continuing to dodge the question. 

Further down she brags that she “was actually named best advocate at a national moot court competition this past year arguing that Title VII protects against sexual orientation discrimination”. Now maybe I’m wrong, but it’s my understanding that moot courts aren’t typically events where you’re expected to defend your own personal beliefs, but events where you are assigned a stance and have to argue it regardless of what you believe. If that’s the case, mentioning that is irrelevant. If it is not the case and she was able to choose that stance, bragging about it for some sort of ally point is, in my opinion, arrogant. 

She ends the post by saying that her LGBT friends “are entitled to all of the rights, privileges, and safeties that I enjoy as a straight woman. Who you love and who you’re attracted to does not change your place in society or the rights that you have or opportunities you should be able to pursue.” Sure, your sexual orientation SHOULDN’T change your place in society or your rights, but it DOES. It absolutely does, and to say that LGBT folks are entitled to the same rights as straight women is, at best, misguided. Krista is a lawyer who has, in theory, interacted with multiple members of the LGBT community, so she should realize that regardless of what should or shouldn’t be true, LGBT still DON’T have the same rights as her in many states, and even in states where legally we have the same rights we still live with fears she will never experience. 

As for the claim that Krista is “not only tolerant of my family but accepting” and that she “accepts me and defends my rights”, here are my thoughts. I don’t want to be tolerated. If you’re cool with just being tolerated then more power to you, but as someone who is merely tolerated by a number of Christians, it really hurts and feels extremely de-humanizing. I do feel that “tolerates” is an accurate word for Krista’s stances on gay people (with the possible exception of the gay friends she claims to have). I do not feel that Krista “defends” gay people and our families beyond her belief that she is legally obligated to uphold the law. She has said that she is “totally fine with gay couples adopting”, which is a positive. She has also said she feels families with same-sex couples should be treated like “any other couple”, which again, is a positive. I guess I just don’t feel like that’s the same as defending. She recently admitted that she has never voted for a Democrat, and while I understand why someone from Vermont might see third-party candidates as viable (because in many Vermont races they are), she has to realize that voting third-party for president is throwing away your vote in the current political climate. Beyond voting, what is she actually DOING to “defend” gay people? Nothing she has ever said makes me think she’s using her privilege to truly defend us to her conservative Christian circles. Unless proven otherwise, I can’t help but feel that she’s able to talk a (vague) big game about being supportive without actually doing any supporting. 

I have recently said that it is my belief that she thinks gay sex/acting on same-sex attractions is sinful, even if our marriages should be legal. I will admit that I formed that opinion largely based on a private conversation I had with her, and which I will not share publicly without her permission. In going through old posts, I came across this post, which I feel also supports this opinion. An anon says that they can’t see any good qualities to overcome “when the thing they disagree with is gay rights/gay marriage/that being gay is a sin”, and that they’d “say the same about someone who identified as a Nazi or a white supremacist”. In Krista’s response, she literally says “But, by the same token, you and I are talking right now, and hopefully, I’m not reminding you of a Nazi”. That statement seems to imply that she falls into at least one of those categories or else why would she remind the anon of a Nazi? In another post she also says that “I do believe that all people are responsible for their sexual BEHAVIOR”, which seems to imply that there is something sinful about sexual behavior between people of the same sex. 

If we want to get down to it, this is the post that was the cause of my initial feeling that Krista was not a safe person for gay people. If someone asks you if you think being LGBTQ+ is a sin and your answer is to tell them they are trying to “stir division”, it is only fair to assume that you think they won’t like your answer. If I ask someone their belief on that subject, I am asking because I want to know their opinion. This anon echoes the same sentiment. If she’s really worried about “stirring division” she should have just ignored the question. 

To anyone still reading at this point, thanks for sticking it out with me. Honestly Krista’s recent posts (paired with some events in my life offline) have really got me thinking, and I have a lot of things weighing on me. I’m glad that you are able to feel that as long as she believes you deserve the same rights as she does it’s fine. I hope you continue to feel safe in that. Unfortunately, many of us aren’t that lucky. Many of us have lived too much of our lives feeling disgusting and broken and worthless because of teachings that that same God she worships and we were brought up to worship disapproves not only of any relationships we have, but of an inherent part of who we are. The biggest reason that I continue to speak out against Krista’s posts is because I just need any scared or confused young gay teenagers in the church to know that they don’t have to settle for being tolerated, and no matter who thinks they’re sinning, they’re not. 

Krista’s posts (in the context of the rest of the blog) would have devastated me at one time in my life. When I speak out against them, I’m usually saying the sorts of things I wish someone would have said to me then.

[brittanyyoungblog]

How People in Open and Polyamorous Relationships are Navigating the Pandemic

I’ve written a lot about how the COVID-19 pandemic is affecting people’s sex lives and relationships; however, most of the research that has been conducted on this topic so far has focused on people in monogamous relationships. So what about people who are in consensually non-monogamous relationships, such as those who are open or polyamorous? How is this pandemic affecting their relationships?

In our Kinsey Institute study on Sex and Relationships in the Time of COVID-19, we included questions that would allow us to determine people’s relationship structure so that we could examine how the pandemic is uniquely affecting persons in different types of relationships. 

In our initial wave of data collection (conducted in March-April 2020), we surveyed just over 2,000 adults about their intimate lives. Of those who said they were currently in a relationship of some type (about three-quarters of our overall sample), most (81%) said they were in a sexually exclusive relationship. Of the remainder, 15% said they were currently in some type of consensually non-monogamous relationship, in which there is agreement among all parties that having additional sexual and/or romantic connections is permissible. 

About 4% of our participants said they were currently in an exclusive relationship, but have had sexual or romantic relationships without their partner’s knowledge. 

Among those who were consensually non-monogamous, most identified as either polyamorous (40%) or as being in an open relationship (31%), with fewer identifying as swingers (13%), engaging in cuckolding (3%), or being in some other type of sexually non-exclusive relationship (13%), many of whom identified as “monogamish,” “ethically non-monogamous,” or “relationship anarchists.” 

We asked these individuals a series of questions about how they are navigating their relationships during the pandemic, and this is what they said:

·  65% reported texting or calling the partners they don’t live with.

·  48% reported that they were only physically interacting with the partners they lived with.

·  45% said they were social distancing from partners they don’t live with.

·  45% said they were keeping up with partners they don’t live with on social media.

·  38% said they were only having sex with partners they live with. 

·  38% said they were video chatting with partners they don’t live with.

·  37% said they were sexting partners they don’t live with.

·  24% said they were playing online games or engaging in other, non-sexual virtual activities with partners they don’t live with.

·  19% said they were visiting partners they don’t live with.

·  19% said they were having cybersex with partners they don’t live with.

·  14% said they were having groceries or gifts delivered to partners they don’t live with.

In addition to the above, 13% of these folks reported other ways that they were navigating their relationships, including staying in touch with partners over email or writing letters, making supply runs for other partners, temporarily closing their relationship or shifting back to monogamy, stopping or limiting attendance at swingers’ parties, moving other partners in with them, and ending all relationships to be single for a while and self-isolate. 

We also asked people to describe in their own words how the pandemic has affected their intimate relationships, for better or for worse. Here are some of the things they said:

“All of my partners and I have been in contact via phone and video chat and supporting each other. Yes it's a bummer not to see them and exchange sexual energy and human touch, but we are all here for each other. A handful of new possible partners have temporarily been put on hold that I've met online. My interest in online dating has significantly dropped.” 

“Allowed additional bonding time with my nesting partner. I miss my other partner and the lack of physical contact is difficult. We've discovered that we enjoy playing games together online, though!”

“Because of the shelter in place, I decided to leave my apartment and stay with my primary partner at his family's house. I didn't want to be alone, and also I'm having issues with my roommate.   This has been the longest that my partner and I have ever continuously cohabitated, and it's going well. I think it's a sign that we could live together permanently (once he is financially stable).  At the same time, I have had to hide our polyamory from his family as he isn't out. It's been difficult, because that means I haven't been able to attend the virtual events that our community has been throwing. I've also had to be careful of where and how I talk to my other partners.”

“Because we are trying to social distance as much as possible, it has negatively affected my ability to see my partners frequently. I am in one more serious partnership and I have made one select trip to visit them before the shutdown in my city will leave us separated indefinitely. My second partner and I have been dating less long and saw each other less frequently, so I do not know how long it will be before I get to see her again. It is challenging not to know how long I will be apart from my partners, but we are getting creative with ways to spend time together virtually. I feel that overcoming this challenge together will teach me about how much we care for each other and how we navigate challenges.”

“I have three partners. The one that was more casual dating, I have not seen and am distancing from. That relationship seems to be fading and will probably end before the pandemic does, but it was already headed in that direction pre-COVID. The other two partners are committed and longer term. I live with one and our children; the other lives with his husband. We have combined our two households into one closed-loop ‘isolation pod,’ as if we were one household. None of us work outside the home right now and we live in freestanding homes (not apartment buildings) so don’t have to have contact with others outside our pod so our risk is low. Therefore we are able to continue to see each other. There has been a lot more closeness and intimacy with my non-nesting partner than there was before pandemic since we’re the only people we can spend time with outside our homes — we’ve jokingly referred to this as our ‘pandemic U-Haul.’ It has meant a lot more communication and gentleness to survive the suddenly increased levels of contact and intimacy, but has been overall good and sweet. Relationship with nesting partner hasn’t changed much.”

“I'm not 'playing' with anyone right now, or reaching out to them because when I did try to, just to check in they were all like 'are you DTF?' And I’m like, ummm no.....social distancing dumbass.”

“I’m only seeing one of my partners as I don’t want to expose everyone and to keep the quarantine bubble small. This is hard as each relationship has its own dynamic and chemistry and this is difficult to maintain with social distancing. For the partner I’m still seeing while quarantined and social distancing, our sex life has become even more electric and adventurous with the extra time we have quarantined together.”

“Positive: It's given me space to break my patterns and examine my relationships without hurting my partners. This is easier because I became sick with what I strongly suspect is coronavirus last week. I miss sex and companionship. However, I am glad to have a chance to really pause and ask myself if this is how I want my relationships to continue after the crisis has passed. Negative: My primary partner would like to move in with me after my quarantine is done. However, he also wants to spend time living with his other serious partner -- I feel very strongly that this puts her household and mine in danger because we will never be able to truly know if someone has been exposed to coronavirus. I feel that he is being reckless and selfish. My partner's casual attitude towards social distancing is making me seriously considering ending my longest ongoing relationship. The coronavirus puts his previous inconsiderate behaviors into a new light -- it could literally be life-or-death.”

It's important to note that these data were collected early on in the pandemic and that people’s views, attitudes, and behaviors may have shifted since. Also, our data do not come from a representative sample, so it’s not clear which trends are more or less common. 

However, these findings do shed some unique light on how this pandemic has affected people in consensually non-monogamous relationships. As you can see, there have been a mix of positive and negative impacts (just like we’ve seen for people in monogamous relationships)—different people are reporting drastically different effects. 

For some, relationships with one partner have become stronger—they are closer than ever—while other relationships have either not changed much or are struggling. We also see that people are finding new ways to connect and stay in touch with all of their partners, some are re-evaluating some of their relationships, and some are seeing this as an opportunity overcome challenges together and build stronger bonds.

Are you in a consensually non-monogamous relationship? What has the impact been for you? How has it changed over time? Please weigh in with your comments below. 

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Image Source: 123RF/Unai Huici

You Might Also Like: 

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from Meet Positives SMFeed 8 https://ift.tt/35hbF5X via IFTTT

[ellenlucasonlinedatingblog]

How People in Open and Polyamorous Relationships are Navigating the Pandemic

I’ve written a lot about how the COVID-19 pandemic is affecting people’s sex lives and relationships; however, most of the research that has been conducted on this topic so far has focused on people in monogamous relationships. So what about people who are in consensually non-monogamous relationships, such as those who are open or polyamorous? How is this pandemic affecting their relationships?

In our Kinsey Institute study on Sex and Relationships in the Time of COVID-19, we included questions that would allow us to determine people’s relationship structure so that we could examine how the pandemic is uniquely affecting persons in different types of relationships. 

In our initial wave of data collection (conducted in March-April 2020), we surveyed just over 2,000 adults about their intimate lives. Of those who said they were currently in a relationship of some type (about three-quarters of our overall sample), most (81%) said they were in a sexually exclusive relationship. Of the remainder, 15% said they were currently in some type of consensually non-monogamous relationship, in which there is agreement among all parties that having additional sexual and/or romantic connections is permissible. 

About 4% of our participants said they were currently in an exclusive relationship, but have had sexual or romantic relationships without their partner’s knowledge. 

Among those who were consensually non-monogamous, most identified as either polyamorous (40%) or as being in an open relationship (31%), with fewer identifying as swingers (13%), engaging in cuckolding (3%), or being in some other type of sexually non-exclusive relationship (13%), many of whom identified as “monogamish,” “ethically non-monogamous,” or “relationship anarchists.” 

We asked these individuals a series of questions about how they are navigating their relationships during the pandemic, and this is what they said:

·  65% reported texting or calling the partners they don’t live with.

·  48% reported that they were only physically interacting with the partners they lived with.

·  45% said they were social distancing from partners they don’t live with.

·  45% said they were keeping up with partners they don’t live with on social media.

·  38% said they were only having sex with partners they live with. 

·  38% said they were video chatting with partners they don’t live with.

·  37% said they were sexting partners they don’t live with.

·  24% said they were playing online games or engaging in other, non-sexual virtual activities with partners they don’t live with.

·  19% said they were visiting partners they don’t live with.

·  19% said they were having cybersex with partners they don’t live with.

·  14% said they were having groceries or gifts delivered to partners they don’t live with.

In addition to the above, 13% of these folks reported other ways that they were navigating their relationships, including staying in touch with partners over email or writing letters, making supply runs for other partners, temporarily closing their relationship or shifting back to monogamy, stopping or limiting attendance at swingers’ parties, moving other partners in with them, and ending all relationships to be single for a while and self-isolate. 

We also asked people to describe in their own words how the pandemic has affected their intimate relationships, for better or for worse. Here are some of the things they said:

“All of my partners and I have been in contact via phone and video chat and supporting each other. Yes it's a bummer not to see them and exchange sexual energy and human touch, but we are all here for each other. A handful of new possible partners have temporarily been put on hold that I've met online. My interest in online dating has significantly dropped.” 

“Allowed additional bonding time with my nesting partner. I miss my other partner and the lack of physical contact is difficult. We've discovered that we enjoy playing games together online, though!”

“Because of the shelter in place, I decided to leave my apartment and stay with my primary partner at his family's house. I didn't want to be alone, and also I'm having issues with my roommate.   This has been the longest that my partner and I have ever continuously cohabitated, and it's going well. I think it's a sign that we could live together permanently (once he is financially stable).  At the same time, I have had to hide our polyamory from his family as he isn't out. It's been difficult, because that means I haven't been able to attend the virtual events that our community has been throwing. I've also had to be careful of where and how I talk to my other partners.”

“Because we are trying to social distance as much as possible, it has negatively affected my ability to see my partners frequently. I am in one more serious partnership and I have made one select trip to visit them before the shutdown in my city will leave us separated indefinitely. My second partner and I have been dating less long and saw each other less frequently, so I do not know how long it will be before I get to see her again. It is challenging not to know how long I will be apart from my partners, but we are getting creative with ways to spend time together virtually. I feel that overcoming this challenge together will teach me about how much we care for each other and how we navigate challenges.”

“I have three partners. The one that was more casual dating, I have not seen and am distancing from. That relationship seems to be fading and will probably end before the pandemic does, but it was already headed in that direction pre-COVID. The other two partners are committed and longer term. I live with one and our children; the other lives with his husband. We have combined our two households into one closed-loop ‘isolation pod,’ as if we were one household. None of us work outside the home right now and we live in freestanding homes (not apartment buildings) so don’t have to have contact with others outside our pod so our risk is low. Therefore we are able to continue to see each other. There has been a lot more closeness and intimacy with my non-nesting partner than there was before pandemic since we’re the only people we can spend time with outside our homes — we’ve jokingly referred to this as our ‘pandemic U-Haul.’ It has meant a lot more communication and gentleness to survive the suddenly increased levels of contact and intimacy, but has been overall good and sweet. Relationship with nesting partner hasn’t changed much.”

“I'm not 'playing' with anyone right now, or reaching out to them because when I did try to, just to check in they were all like 'are you DTF?' And I’m like, ummm no.....social distancing dumbass.”

“I’m only seeing one of my partners as I don’t want to expose everyone and to keep the quarantine bubble small. This is hard as each relationship has its own dynamic and chemistry and this is difficult to maintain with social distancing. For the partner I’m still seeing while quarantined and social distancing, our sex life has become even more electric and adventurous with the extra time we have quarantined together.”

“Positive: It's given me space to break my patterns and examine my relationships without hurting my partners. This is easier because I became sick with what I strongly suspect is coronavirus last week. I miss sex and companionship. However, I am glad to have a chance to really pause and ask myself if this is how I want my relationships to continue after the crisis has passed. Negative: My primary partner would like to move in with me after my quarantine is done. However, he also wants to spend time living with his other serious partner -- I feel very strongly that this puts her household and mine in danger because we will never be able to truly know if someone has been exposed to coronavirus. I feel that he is being reckless and selfish. My partner's casual attitude towards social distancing is making me seriously considering ending my longest ongoing relationship. The coronavirus puts his previous inconsiderate behaviors into a new light -- it could literally be life-or-death.”

It's important to note that these data were collected early on in the pandemic and that people’s views, attitudes, and behaviors may have shifted since. Also, our data do not come from a representative sample, so it’s not clear which trends are more or less common. 

However, these findings do shed some unique light on how this pandemic has affected people in consensually non-monogamous relationships. As you can see, there have been a mix of positive and negative impacts (just like we’ve seen for people in monogamous relationships)—different people are reporting drastically different effects. 

For some, relationships with one partner have become stronger—they are closer than ever—while other relationships have either not changed much or are struggling. We also see that people are finding new ways to connect and stay in touch with all of their partners, some are re-evaluating some of their relationships, and some are seeing this as an opportunity overcome challenges together and build stronger bonds.

Are you in a consensually non-monogamous relationship? What has the impact been for you? How has it changed over time? Please weigh in with your comments below. 

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Image Source: 123RF/Unai Huici

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[lifelibrariesandlemontrees]

NetGalley Book Review: Growing Pains

Synopsis:

Gigi Rosenberg is living his best life: performances in the big city, side gigs at a dance company, a successful drag act, and the boy of his childhood dreams who now adores him. Even if the boyfriend part isn’t the sparkly ride of passion he expected it to be, life is sweet. So when his sister’s wedding calls him back to his hometown, he sees an opportunity to show the hicks from his past how wrong they were about him. Only, his boyfriend isn’t quite on board.

Brock Stubbs left their hometown and his parents behind for a reason, and the prospect of facing them again is terrifying. He swore he’d never go back, but Gigi has made it clear refusal isn’t an option, and Brock will do nearly anything for him. There’s just one deal-breaker of a problem: Brock promised Gigi he was out to everyone, including his parents. He lied.

It’s magical to run into the sunset together, but staying the course takes work. For Gigi and Brock, going home feels like the finale of a long, disappointing year. Sometimes love isn’t all you need.

Review:

I’m thrilled to present the third book in Cass Lennox’s Toronto Connections series. Like the others, it’s not strictly necssary that you read them in order, but I do find that it enhances the reading experience. With the exception of the first book, at least one of the main characters in each novel is introduced in a previous book. I can only speak for myself, but I don’t think that I would have been anywnere near as invested in Gigi as this book requires you to be, if I hadn’t had a little time to get to love him in the previous books. So, all that being said, I would strongly recommend you check out parts one and two if you haven’t already, and then get back to me. 

You can read my review of book 1, Blank Spaces HERE.

You can read my review of book 2, Finding Your Feet  HERE.

Now, moving on... 

I likd this book, I lovd it even. But if you held me at gun point and made me choose my least favorite of the Toronto Connections series, I would pick this one. Not because the writing wasn’t great or the relationship wasn’t lovely, it’s just that I was often frustrated with Gigi. 

I love Gigi. Introduced as a sassy side character in book 3 he was charming and likable if not over-dramatic. But that’s the problem you see- Gigi is demanding and high maintinance, and while that’s an important part of his character, it’s not a part that I can easily relate to. That’s not to say that Gigi never has softer moments, or times when he can be understanding and supportive, it’s just that those instances are rarer than his dramatics. Let me be clear though: Gigi isn’t a bad character. Not at all. And this IS a plotpoint that they confront in the story, both Gigi’s melodramatics and Brock’s inability to share personal information, but it is also a factor that made me a tiny bit less supportive of the relationship, going in. Overall however, while it’s understandable (these are his defenses, erected after years of difficulty) it’s still a little exhausting as a reader, and I spent a lot of time rolling my eyes and wishing he would calm down.

That said, the rest of my time was spent laughing, or having my heart broken (and then repaired.) I mean, it was still adorable. It’s Cass Lennox, what did you expect? And Gigi is funny, sassy and sarcastic, and this is probably the funniest of the books for his commentary alone. 

I also really enjoyed the more down to Earth POV of Brock. While readers may previously know him as Gigi’s childhood bully, you really get to know him a lot better in this book and boy, is he going through some stuff. Unfortunately, Brock tends to keep things to himself and Gigi sometimes forgets to think about other people, so while Brock is quietly bottling up his feelings but trying his best here, Gigi is throwing a fit over something that he doesn’t even understand. I love them both, I do, but there are times when I just want to shake the boy. Either boy. Both boys. (But in this case, mostly Gigi)

Overall though, this is still a cute book. This is definitely a novel of miscommunication (or blatant lack thereof) so if that’s not your thing, beware. But once they start properly communicating they are a good couple. They follow one of my favorite tropes - High school “enemies” reconnect later and fall in love. There was even an ugly duckling-esque quality, in that Gigi got really hot in college and basically blew Brock’s mind (along with other things) And when Gigi is good? He’s really good. The two of them balance each other out- Gigi is more open where Brock is closed off; Brock is calmer where Gigi is dramatic. I laughed, I cried, and my heart broke for both of these boys. I know I probably sound like I’m being pretty harsh on Gigi (and I probably am) but I am glad that he got his love story. Also, he has some of the best scenes in here, especially near the end. Like, I’m not going to spoil it for anyone, but Gigi is kind of badass in here. 

 I’m rereading it now, both for the sake of this review, but also because Cass Lennox is releasing another book (The Wrong Woman) featuring Katie (introduced in book 1, but more prominantly featuring in book 2- And also a little in this book as she is good friends with Brock) and Zay (Jonah’s BFF from book 1) and I’m DYING waiting. Like, WHY isn’t this on Netgalley yet? Yes, it will be a little weird, as my name is Katie and I hate when book characters have my name. (Especially during sex scenes. It’s like “Katie lay back as__________ kissed their way down her body. She moaned in pleasure,” and I’m just here like...no. No I didn’t. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had a date? Stop lying to me)  

Aaaaanyways, I really liked both girls as side characters and I am eagerly awaiting their story, so watch for that review, hopefully coming soon!

Growing Pains will be published on March 20th, 2017.

Cass Lennox also has a website which you can view HERE.

Re-readability: 4/5

Rated: 3/5

[shipinpeace]

RE: Women and m/m fiction

Continued from this

@twoblogz​ Thank you for your response and the link. I would like to comment on it and I’d like @anakinsbugs​ to read it as well, because it is directly related to his post. 

Before I begin, let me make this clear: I am glad posts like this exist and people discuss the issues of how gay men are portrayed in the media (both officially released and fan created). We still live in a homophobic world and there is so much that has become the status quo for gay fiction, and the way it affects gay men is a crucial topic to discuss and share. However, discussing issues and attacking other are not the same.

First of all, neither you, not anakinsbugs specify what what fetishizing is and where does one draw the line between fetishizing and representation. Moreover, are gay men allowed to fetishize male/male relationships? If yes, how is that fetishizing different from fetishizing by women if the end result is the same?

The author mentions the women who started the whole slash movement in the 70s. Well if it wasn‘t for them, we don‘t know how long it would take for male/male relationships to get so popular. That (the Kirk/Spock community in particular) was what began slash as a fandom phenomenon and it has played a pivotal role in slash fiction (written by anyone) being so widespread today. 

The author said he was feeling like an outsider in the genre, which is a perspective I never thought about. I wish the genre felt more welcoming towards him, but I still believe this shouldn’t stop him or other male content creators from creating their own stuff. Why not make a tumblr blog where you collect stuff made by men? 

Next he discusses male/male in published literature and points out that most published authors are women and their books get more recognition. Well, it‘s a problem in our society, if books about gay people written by straight people are more popular than the ones written by gay people themselves. Think about it. If the public consumes the former, yet pretty much ignores the latter, would banning the books written by women make the ones written by men more popular? Not while we have homophobia. 

In my discussion with practicalityinpraxis they talk about this exact point:

“When a straight person writes queer characters, even very poorly, they tend to have their work touted and complimented excessively. It’s “avant garde,” it’s “intimate,” it’s “powerful,” it’s “perspective shifting.”

When queer authors write queer characters, it gets shoved off as autobiographical niche fiction that is never given the exposure necessary to turn it into a success.”

And sadly, that’s exactly what’s happening and more people should be aware of it. However, we shouldn’t forget that it’s publishers who make decisions here and their decisions are guided by money.

However, I don’t believe all books written by women show bad or inaccurate depictions. If it wasn’t for some of those books, gay men would barely get any representation at all, because, as the author said, books written by men are less popular, therefore they would still be not as easy to find.

At the same time, a book written by a man can be just as “shallow” as a book written by a woman. As I mentioned in the same discussion with practicalityinpraxis:

“Although I do agree that in essence queer writers are more likely to, as you put it, “fight for the accuracy” of their stories, it doesn’t mean all do. A queer author might agree to water down their work if the editor refuses to publish it otherwise. A queer person might also have internalized prejudice against their own identity, which in turn would make their work unrepresentative.”

Next, the topic of sex is discussed. I agree there’s a huge issue of inaccurate representation when sex is depicted in literature. But what about a gay male author who has never had sex? Would his sex scenes automatically be accurate just because he’s a gay man? Also, don’t gay men have fetishes?

As for safe sex – it is an issue in all sorts of pornographic literature. Written by anyone about anyone. I think (but that’s just my subjective opinion based on nothing but observation) that it is related to the desire for escapism. People may want to emerge in a world that is different from their own, or a world that provides them immediate gratification, neither of which is a bad thing, really. We all need different things to let of steam and we all deserve it. 

Also, what about the barebacking community? Gay men who promote unsafe sex in real life?

And here is it, the reason I keep arguing with people on this topic:

“and when men who love men like myself bring up the fact that maybe you guys should stay in your lane a little and let us take the wheel in a genre entirely dedicated to us having sex with each other, you somehow claim that we are “kinkshaming” you and being misogynist by taking away “the one place where women can explore their kinks without judgement”.”

Should stay in their lane? What does that imply? Does the author want to forbid women from writing gay male fiction? Let’s say he succeeds and women do just that. Then what? Will male/male fiction automatically improve? The depictions become more realistic? Safe sex gets portrayed more often? Fetishizing disappears? Weird kinks disappear? Homophobia disappears?  

First of all, it’s not very likely that published authors will ever care about this, so the people who are most likely to obey this demand are fans. Which means the only thing the author would have accomplished would be bully a bunch of fans into dropping a hobby they love (or might emotionally depend on – people are very complex creatures), stripping them away of the only thing some might consider escapism. And for what? To feel better about himself? 

I know these are harsh words and I’m sorry for being so blunt, but anakinsbugs, please, if you’re reading this, I ask you to consider this possibility no matter how uncomfortable it might feel. I deeply sympathize with your feelings and I wish we lived in a better world, but we don’t. And many people who share your point of view are only one step away from becoming bullies.

The author also adds “the one place where women can explore their kinks without judgement” as it’s something unbelievable and ludicrous, but that’s a reality for most women. They have been shamed for desiring sex for so long, no wonder for some gay sex has become the only safe outlet of their sexuality.

However:

“which is complete and total bullshit because FIRST OF ALL gay people are not your kink.”

And this is something I agree with 100%. When I first read saw him mention “kinks”, I thought he was being general, but if people consider gay sex a kink - it is deeply troubling. Frankly, I haven’t encountered such opinion in a long time, although I wouldn’t be surprised someone still thinks this way. But it’s one of these homophobic remarks we can fight by educating people.

At the end, the author states:

“i need a little more clarification about why it’s such an evil no-no for us to want to represent ourselves or speak for ourselves or tell our own stories. because it kinda seems homophobic that you’re so angry about gbt men wanting to represent themselves.”

and: 

“nobody’s saying you can’t be supportive of gbt boys and want to write about them in your stories. but for the love of god, don’t get angry when we want to tell our own stories, and don’t pitch a fit when we express that we’re uncomfortable with being objectified for your own sexual gratification.”

There is a difference between expressing discomfort and policing. Perhaps the author didn’t mean it, but then I’d like him to consider better wording. 

Sorry for making it so long. I’ve put the whole thing under cut so if you reblog it, it won’t spam your blog.

[rockgal-doujin-blog]

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natural hair growth Things To Know Before You Buy

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Everything about hair loss in women

Despite the fact that cures promising to restore hair to balding heads have been around due to the fact historical instances, most Males and women with thinning hair can do little to reverse the process. For cosmetic reasons, or following hair loss from surgical or drug treatments, A lot of people change to wigs, hairpieces, and hair weaving. Therefore a popular treatment process, quite a few experiments have already been done over time. A current research, posted in 2014 by Aldhalimi et. al., examined the consequences of Minoxidil on mice. The mice (of which there were 20 in total) had been shaved and their dorsal skin dyed to raised analyze hair growth. * Pantothenic acid is considered to aid fortify hair follicles as well as their cells, allowing them to operate properly. Also, pantothenic acid also aids your scalp eradicate lifeless pores and skin, clearing the way For brand spanking new growth to manifest. Immediately after viewing product element internet pages, look listed here to discover a fairly easy method to navigate back to internet pages you are interested in. Why you ought to steer clear of hair dyes: Artificial hair dyes contain severe chemical substances which include ammonia, hydrogen peroxide,  p-phenylenediamine, which might irritate the scalp and bring about strain on hair follicles. All information is for academic uses only. We do not intention to diagnose, address, cure or prevent and ailment or sickness. You will need to seek the advice of a health-related Experienced before acting on any material on this website. Hair that's more than shoulder-length might be quite a few a long time outdated (Of course, we're speaking about the decrease component within your hair length). So, Keep in mind that it requires additional TLC than what a normal conditioner may possibly offer you. In its place, a great hair mask can offer the correct type of pampering towards your hair. The general result of consuming this acidic-weighted diet about a few years would be that the entire body by itself begins to be acidic. It’s about a decade now that I happen to be exploring and striving many dwelling therapies to lessen hair loss and regrow misplaced hair. In any case, my philosophy is the fact hair loss is unnatural (indigenous persons don’t experience male sample baldness) Hence the ‘cure’ has to be a little something natural. Having said that, in some instances t here aren’t scenario experiments to again up the treatments, but in these instances this is a thing We now have tried, analyzed and authorised to be used ourselves.Generally speaking, I recommend the following natural techniques in excess of the standard and breakthrough cures. Throughout this process, numerous proteins are produced (which Perform a crucial role while in the hair growth cycle). Even so, the overexpression of selected proteins – which includes SFRP1 – could cause the cycle to occur also rapidly. This causes structural hurt of your hair strand, and eventual shortening. Hair growth only remains for so long as treatment continues. When treatment has ceased, not simply does hair growth end, however, you’re also very likely to shed Being a hair loss treatment strategy that appears to be straight outside of science fiction, laser therapy also referred to as Minimal-Amount Laser Therapy (LLLT) remains to be in its earliest stages of examine and use.

[kayawagner]

Gnome Stew Notables – Meguey Baker

Welcome to the next installment of our Gnome Spotlight: Notables series. The notables series is a look at game developers in the gaming industry doing good work. The series will focus on game creators from underrepresented populations primarily, and each entry will be a short bio and interview. We’ve currently got a group of authors and guest authors interviewing game creators and hope to bring you many more entries in the series as it continues on. If you’ve got a suggestion for someone we should be doing a notables article on, send us a note at headgnome@gnomestew.com. – Head Gnome John

Meet Meguey

Meguey Baker is a quilter, roleplaying game designer, and independent publisher. Notably she has created Apocalypse World, A Thousand and One Nights, and Psi-Run.

@NightSkyGames on Twitter

Night Sky Games

Talking With Meguey

1) Tell us a little bit about yourself and your work.

I am a huge history fan and work in as many history museums as I can possibly fit in my life, maybe more. I love stories and storytelling, and find people endlessly fascinating. These two things combine to inform my game design. Flavor that with raising 3 kids, being a sex ed teacher, and living in New England, and it’s pretty much me. Also, rocks are the best thing after toast, which is the best thing. People are not things, so there’s that.

2) What project are you most proud of?

I am very proud of the work I did with the Girl Effect to help re-weave connections between girls in Ethiopia. Working with Jessica Hammer and Julia Ellingboe and Giuila Barbano and John Stavropolois was just great, and I was able to put so much of my whole self into the work, combining dance and song, sex education work, and shaping and holding space for people to discover their own voices. I am also very pleased with the way that Apocalypse World has helped so many people find a framework to bring forward their own vision and share their designs. Outside of game design, I’m glad to have had the chance to do conservation work on some very challenging and historically valuable textiles, and to spend 12 years helping families navigate postpartum depression.

3) What themes do you like to emphasize in your game work?

Throughout everything, the underlying principal to my work is to seek underrepresented voices and stories and find ways to amplify and share them. So in game design, I think a lot about things like accessibility to diverse players, play in different settings, play across generations and languages and other cultural division lines. The last big project I did before Apocalypse World 2nd ed was Playing Nature’s Year, which is a good example of this desire, to find new places and play games with new people. I also sometimes have a sharpness in the game that is unexpected; people have looked at 1001 Nights thinking it’s all fantastic magical stories, which is true, but it’s also potentially cut-throat small group politics.

4) What mechanics do you like best in games?

2d6, add a stat. Ok, beyond being flippant, I like mechanics that are designed with that exact game in mind, that are not just Oh, I’ll use 2d6, add a stat, that’ll work” because sometimes it really won’t.

 The mechanics of the game should be thoughtfully designed the same way the setting of the artwork or the staging of the play is designed 

The mechanics of the game should be thoughtfully designed the same way the setting of the artwork or the staging of the play is designed; sometimes they are very very similar, and sometimes really not.

5) How would you describe your game design style?

Search for the clearest way to facilitate the most compelling story, then do that. Be ready to kill my darlings, set things aside, and re-interpret my ideas until the game does what I want it to do.

6) How does gender fit into your games?

Everyone should be able to play my games and find themselves in them. If they can’t, I better be exceedingly intentionally clear about that and understand why I did that. That said, I default to a feminist viewpoint on the world, including gender issues, so that is reflected in my games.

7) Do your kids influence your game design?

Parenting is a big deal and an influential part of our design process, first as parents of young kids looking for ways to play in brief chucks of time that had to occasionally flex around kid needs, and now as the kids all become young adults and we are gaming with them and watching them in their own design process. They and their friends in the Baker House Band are now one of our primary test groups, and we have increasingly good design relationships with them as we take game design on as a family business. Later this summer, our son Elliot intends to kickstart his game Tiny&Chrome, which is a mini Lego road war game and entirely his own design. That is super gratifying as a parent, and a rare treat as a designer to see someone’s development as a game designer so closely, from “pretend we are dinosaurs!” as a toddler through to young adulthood.

One of my other main areas of work is in small local history museums. The way that we tell and reinterpret the story of the past has always intrigued me, and roleplaying games are one way to revisit the same story from different angles and through different lenses: what if Jane Austin was a zombie hunter? What if the steam age ran on magic? What if we centered Native American narratives in looking at North American history? What would an original story of the Lawrence mill strikes look like? Could I play those people? Could I design games to support those stories? Uncovering the connections between one aspect of history and other aspects, like the change in local textile use after the arrival of the railroad, is such incredibly interesting design space for me. I’m working now on a major exhibit on the industrial history of our town, and I’m designing site-specific games to engage visitors with their local history. I’m excited to see what comes next.

8) How did you get into game design?

Star Wars came out and I wanted to play a Jedi, so I asked my DM if we could play D&D but in Star Wars. She said yes. I was 7. She was 10. Her brother was 9 and made us lightsabers out of paper towel tubes. Seriously. I don’t remember not writing and designing games and plays and stories. Once it was the 1990s and print shops and copiers existed, it was a matter of time, and then when the internet and .pdfs existed, it was a sure thing. I designed 1001 Nights in notebooks while strolling around town with my youngest baby, then typed it up and sent it out into the world.

9) What one thing would you change in gaming?

I would somehow give access and time to queer folks, women, people of color, non-English speakers looking to connect with English speaking audiences, and folks with no regular time to sit at a computer and write or take part in on-line community. In practical terms, I want conventions to be cheaper and more accessible for more people. In magic wand terms, I want states and nations to value storytelling and connecting to other people enough to fund major NEA-type projects to get role playing games to every school and every library and every museum and community center and summer camp in the world.

10) What are you working on now?

AD&D, first and foremost. Shadowrun and Cyberpunk and Ars Magica. Lots of school yard games and lots of old string games and puzzle games. I played games with my sister non-stop as a kid, so she’s a big influence, even though we haven’t played together in 30 years except in fleeting moments. We live nearby, but life is very full, and playing games with family is vulnerable and tricky sometimes. Emily Care Boss, of course, and Vincent Baker. Esther Clinton, who no-one knows about, but who is a folklorist and was crucial to my college experience of gaming. More recently, I found a lot of fruitful ground in Dialect, by Kathryn Hymes and Hakan Seyalioglu, Tree House Dreams by Gray Pawn Games and Alas for the Awful Sea! by Storybrewers Veronica and Haley, and Ben Dutter’s Perseverant.

Thanks for joining us for this entry in the notables series.  You can find more in the series here: and please feel free to drop us any suggestions for people we should interview at headgnome@gnomestew.com.

  Gnome Stew Notables – Meguey Baker published first on https://supergalaxyrom.tumblr.com

[romancevsreality-blog]

vanderpump rules, season five, episode eighteen: ARE WE DONE YET?

We’re finally back from New Orleans, where Tom and Jax are relaying all the information from the bachelor/ette party. Tom Sandoval is wearing a baseball cap and I want to burn it, it’s not a good look for him. But you know what was, apparently? Dressing up as a woman. Lisa comments that he made a very good-looking woman, and I guess that’s true depending on what your definition of “good looking” is. My definition of “good looking” is Tyra Banks in 1996, but whatever, Lisa. Boost Tom’s ego if you can. Meanwhile, Ariana and Scheana are just straight horrified about what happened with Katie and Tom at the bachelorette party - Ariana remains the voice of reason when she reminds us that choosing to bottle all of your issues usually ends with a nasty, foul, rotten bottle of problems.

Katie and Lisa are meeting, and I’m mostly distracted because Lisa’s holding the fluffiest dog I’ve ever seen in my life and I want nothing more than this dog at this moment. They’re preparing for the annual Sexy Unique Restaurant photoshoot, and the theme this year is “indulgence”, which isn’t a theme. Katie refuses to take any accountability for her actions in her and Tom’s argument because she’s a fucking adult, and maintains that Tom was the one fighting with everyone. Lisa’s nervous for the two of them because the wedding is just two weeks away and they’ve gotta lock this shit down. Let’s be real - these two need to postpone this wedding and go into therapy before they even start considering it, but Bravo production and their own personal vanity will never let that happen in a million years.

Kristen and Stassi go to lunch with their dogs, and Kristen teaches us all how to game the system and getting an emotional support dog. Kristen’s there to help Stassi write her OkCupid profile, which just proves she’s going down the wrong route from the get-go. Stassi, you’re famous. You have enough of a social media following to be on Raya, why aren’t you doing that? Or The League? Or Literally Anything Other Than OkCupid? Then again, I met my ex-boyfriend on OkCupid, so I can’t really talk. Stassi’s instructed to write something about herself other than “I’m on television,” and Kristen suggests “Brunch, dogs, wine, ranch.”

Because of course. Of course, ranch1.

Katie and Tom head over to Villa Rosa to meet with Queen Vanderpump, when suddenly a man in a tuxedo arrives to invite Lisa to be Katie and Tom’s wedding officiant. Aren’t they getting married in two weeks? Who waits this long to pick an officiant? Katie and Tom are awkwardly sheepish about it, and Lisa’s like, “yo - you guys couldn’t get through three days without fighting, how am I supposed to take you seriously?” You’re not, Lisa. She wants them to really consider if getting married is a good idea. Katie’s crying. They talk it out, but it’s mostly bullshit. Katie’s not even sure why they were fighting in New Orleans, and that’s critical - they’re clearly fundamentally not suited for each other to the point where they fight just to fight now. What I find particularly gross about this narrative 180 is that it almost normalizes the level of rancor Tom and Katie displayed toward one another for the bulk of this season. Is your relationship TERRIBLE? Are you and your partner verbally and emotionally abusing each other on a regular basis? If you just sit and have one little chat, it'll be all better in no time. It's that easy! I find it so distasteful.

The gang’s headed all down to the beach, and everyone’s ready for a beach day! Stassi and Scheana discuss Stassi’s date the previous night that she spent mostly making out, and her date tonight.2 Katie and Tom tell the gang about Lisa basically rejecting their request to officiate their wedding. The two of them have a cute cuddly moment on the beach and we’re expected to think everything’s okay with them. So after months of watching Tom and Katie fighting, being terrible to each other and generally showing viewers what not to do in a relationship, are we actually supposed to believe that one conversation with Lisa fixed everything? I understand it's a TV show and there has to be a storyline but shiiiiit, I kept rolling my eyes when they continuously referenced that magical conversation with Lisa fixing everything.

Lisa brings Ariana to meet her bedazzled horse, and Ariana is just… salivating. Even I’m jealous, and I’m allergic to horses. Lisa and Ariana wax poetic about their lives, and Ariana admits to not wanting children, something that horrifies Lisa. I don’t get this idea that some people have that one day you’re just going to wake up and want something you’ve never wanted before. Ariana’s not interested in marriage or babies - let her live.

Stassi wants to look skinny af on her blind date with a guy with “The Greatest Instagram Account [She’d] Ever Seen”3 and Kristen, looking the best she has this season, comes over to help. And by “help”, I mean shame Stassi into not wearing Spanx and helping her come up with a “kit” comprised of Adderall, Plan B, and condoms. Stassi looks great for her date, though.

Tom Sandoval, Best Friend Ever, is treating Jax, Tom Schwartz, and Peter all to spray tans. How kind of him, am I right? Tom and Katie finally had sex, and Jax is terrified of getting spray tanned, but not afraid of officiating Tom and Katie’s wedding. Considering Jax was at the very first wedding to ever exist in the world ever, I don’t see how this is a bad ide- wait. It’s Jax. It’s a terrible fucking idea.

Back over at Fig & Olive, Stassi’s met with David! They’re drinking Sancerre, which is shocking, because Stassi’s well established as a pinot grigio girl. It’s clear from the get-go they’re on different paths - he asks her if she’s interested in hiking, Stassi’s like “hell no,” (Point: Stassi). He works in technology solutions and wakes up at 7 AM daily, which has Stassi straight SHOOK. She doesn’t wake up before noon and she thinks that’s why she’s single. This guy is nice as hell, which is rare for Stassi. She’s mostly glad he’s not a murderer, but he’s still not murdery enough for her. I would watch a Stassi dating spinoff.

It’s the Sexy Unique Restaurant Photoshoot! Everyone’s getting dolled up as if doing a photoshoot half-naked is normal for a job to do! There’s a fake pig with an apple in its mouth and grapes! Tom Schwartz is there, and he doesn’t even WORK there. Tom Sandoval brought multiple outfits because he likes to be prepared. Tom Sandoval is literally my favorite person on earth. He can be dramatic and vain but also wonderful. The girls have to pose in front of the pig and Scheana pretends to have cake in her mouth.

Meanwhile, Stassi and Kristen are still pretending like they have a valid reason to be on this show by going to lunch, where Kristen is freaking out about the fake suckling pig she was sent a photo of by Scheana. It’s hilariously desperate. Stassi admits to not having chemistry with her date and wanting an older dude. I can get behind that - I’ve had a plethora of shitty dates. Kristen has a problem with Lisa Vanderpump sticking her nose into Katie’s business, but we’ve seen what Kristen can do when she sticks her nose where it doesn’t belong. Lisa’s better than you, Kristen, get over it.

This just makes it really apparent how much this show needs James and Lala, god damn it.

Lisa poses with the boys of Sexy Unique Restaurant Plus Tom for a photograph wearing a clip-on hair piece and looking like a sixteen-year-old girl going to homecoming. Meanwhile, Scheana and Katie are sitting outside talking, and Katie’s asking Scheana for advice re: rehearsal dinners and speeches and whatnot. Scheana feels left out and feels like she hasn’t been included in the wedding planning. Whatever. They’re all boarding the Titanic with Tom and Katie, one by one.

Ariana gets naked and covered in grapes with Tom Sandoval, and god damn, Ariana is gorgeous. Basically, each couple gets their time in the grapey sun - Tom and Katie, Ariana and Tom, Jax and Brittany. There’s some weird tension between Jax and Brittany because he won’t tell her she looks beautiful. They then basically try to do the Sexy Unique Restaurant version of The Last Supper. Why you even need a photoshoot, I don’t understand.

Oh, and then Lisa Vanderpump agrees to officiate Tom and Katie’s wedding.

Next Week: LALAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stassi poses nude. James is back too, barf, with his vocal fry girlfriend. Jax and Tom invite Tom Schwartz’s brother to the wedding? And we’re headed up for Tom and Katie’s nuptials.

See you soon for The Bachelor!

Stassi is right as hell when she says “I might as well be a basic bitch.” WHO CALLS RANCH A DESCRIPTIVE TERM? ↩︎

I love the shade to Scheana’s marriage that’s becoming a constant thing on this show. ↩︎

Is this a standard people are trying to achieve? ↩︎

[kayawagner]

Gnome Stew Notables – Meguey Baker

Welcome to the next installment of our Gnome Spotlight: Notables series. The notables series is a look at game developers in the gaming industry doing good work. The series will focus on game creators from underrepresented populations primarily, and each entry will be a short bio and interview. We’ve currently got a group of authors and guest authors interviewing game creators and hope to bring you many more entries in the series as it continues on. If you’ve got a suggestion for someone we should be doing a notables article on, send us a note at headgnome@gnomestew.com. – Head Gnome John

Meet Meguey

Meguey Baker is a quilter, roleplaying game designer, and independent publisher. Notably she has created Apocalypse World, A Thousand and One Nights, and Psi-Run.

@NightSkyGames on Twitter

Night Sky Games

Talking With Meguey

1) Tell us a little bit about yourself and your work.

I am a huge history fan and work in as many history museums as I can possibly fit in my life, maybe more. I love stories and storytelling, and find people endlessly fascinating. These two things combine to inform my game design. Flavor that with raising 3 kids, being a sex ed teacher, and living in New England, and it’s pretty much me. Also, rocks are the best thing after toast, which is the best thing. People are not things, so there’s that.

2) What project are you most proud of?

I am very proud of the work I did with the Girl Effect to help re-weave connections between girls in Ethiopia. Working with Jessica Hammer and Julia Ellingboe and Giuila Barbano and John Stavropolois was just great, and I was able to put so much of my whole self into the work, combining dance and song, sex education work, and shaping and holding space for people to discover their own voices. I am also very pleased with the way that Apocalypse World has helped so many people find a framework to bring forward their own vision and share their designs. Outside of game design, I’m glad to have had the chance to do conservation work on some very challenging and historically valuable textiles, and to spend 12 years helping families navigate postpartum depression.

3) What themes do you like to emphasize in your game work?

Throughout everything, the underlying principal to my work is to seek underrepresented voices and stories and find ways to amplify and share them. So in game design, I think a lot about things like accessibility to diverse players, play in different settings, play across generations and languages and other cultural division lines. The last big project I did before Apocalypse World 2nd ed was Playing Nature’s Year, which is a good example of this desire, to find new places and play games with new people. I also sometimes have a sharpness in the game that is unexpected; people have looked at 1001 Nights thinking it’s all fantastic magical stories, which is true, but it’s also potentially cut-throat small group politics.

4) What mechanics do you like best in games?

2d6, add a stat. Ok, beyond being flippant, I like mechanics that are designed with that exact game in mind, that are not just Oh, I’ll use 2d6, add a stat, that’ll work” because sometimes it really won’t.

 The mechanics of the game should be thoughtfully designed the same way the setting of the artwork or the staging of the play is designed 

The mechanics of the game should be thoughtfully designed the same way the setting of the artwork or the staging of the play is designed; sometimes they are very very similar, and sometimes really not.

5) How would you describe your game design style?

Search for the clearest way to facilitate the most compelling story, then do that. Be ready to kill my darlings, set things aside, and re-interpret my ideas until the game does what I want it to do.

6) How does gender fit into your games?

Everyone should be able to play my games and find themselves in them. If they can’t, I better be exceedingly intentionally clear about that and understand why I did that. That said, I default to a feminist viewpoint on the world, including gender issues, so that is reflected in my games.

7) Do your kids influence your game design?

Parenting is a big deal and an influential part of our design process, first as parents of young kids looking for ways to play in brief chucks of time that had to occasionally flex around kid needs, and now as the kids all become young adults and we are gaming with them and watching them in their own design process. They and their friends in the Baker House Band are now one of our primary test groups, and we have increasingly good design relationships with them as we take game design on as a family business. Later this summer, our son Elliot intends to kickstart his game Tiny&Chrome, which is a mini Lego road war game and entirely his own design. That is super gratifying as a parent, and a rare treat as a designer to see someone’s development as a game designer so closely, from “pretend we are dinosaurs!” as a toddler through to young adulthood.

One of my other main areas of work is in small local history museums. The way that we tell and reinterpret the story of the past has always intrigued me, and roleplaying games are one way to revisit the same story from different angles and through different lenses: what if Jane Austin was a zombie hunter? What if the steam age ran on magic? What if we centered Native American narratives in looking at North American history? What would an original story of the Lawrence mill strikes look like? Could I play those people? Could I design games to support those stories? Uncovering the connections between one aspect of history and other aspects, like the change in local textile use after the arrival of the railroad, is such incredibly interesting design space for me. I’m working now on a major exhibit on the industrial history of our town, and I’m designing site-specific games to engage visitors with their local history. I’m excited to see what comes next.

8) How did you get into game design?

Star Wars came out and I wanted to play a Jedi, so I asked my DM if we could play D&D but in Star Wars. She said yes. I was 7. She was 10. Her brother was 9 and made us lightsabers out of paper towel tubes. Seriously. I don’t remember not writing and designing games and plays and stories. Once it was the 1990s and print shops and copiers existed, it was a matter of time, and then when the internet and .pdfs existed, it was a sure thing. I designed 1001 Nights in notebooks while strolling around town with my youngest baby, then typed it up and sent it out into the world.

9) What one thing would you change in gaming?

I would somehow give access and time to queer folks, women, people of color, non-English speakers looking to connect with English speaking audiences, and folks with no regular time to sit at a computer and write or take part in on-line community. In practical terms, I want conventions to be cheaper and more accessible for more people. In magic wand terms, I want states and nations to value storytelling and connecting to other people enough to fund major NEA-type projects to get role playing games to every school and every library and every museum and community center and summer camp in the world.

10) What are you working on now?

AD&D, first and foremost. Shadowrun and Cyberpunk and Ars Magica. Lots of school yard games and lots of old string games and puzzle games. I played games with my sister non-stop as a kid, so she’s a big influence, even though we haven’t played together in 30 years except in fleeting moments. We live nearby, but life is very full, and playing games with family is vulnerable and tricky sometimes. Emily Care Boss, of course, and Vincent Baker. Esther Clinton, who no-one knows about, but who is a folklorist and was crucial to my college experience of gaming. More recently, I found a lot of fruitful ground in Dialect, by Kathryn Hymes and Hakan Seyalioglu, Tree House Dreams by Gray Pawn Games and Alas for the Awful Sea! by Storybrewers Veronica and Haley, and Ben Dutter’s Perseverant.

Thanks for joining us for this entry in the notables series.  You can find more in the series here: and please feel free to drop us any suggestions for people we should interview at headgnome@gnomestew.com.

  Gnome Stew Notables – Meguey Baker published first on https://supergalaxyrom.tumblr.com