#also this is all something i think the master needs to realise (especially a post dhawan one)

[bingqiv]

it’s just the way that the doctor still tragically loves the master despite everything.

the master has destroyed their planet and violated their people in the worst way possible and yet they’re still intrinsically entwined for eternity.

the master is who he thinks about when there’s a chance he may die and the master is who he thinks about when he survives.

missy said “my heart is maintained by the doctor” and i do think that’s mutual. the doctor’s hearts are maintained by the master, they always have been and always will be.

[vidavalor]

Just on the back of your last post about how Aziraphale and Crowley have been a couple for (literal) ages, of which you have me thoroughly convinced, there's one thing I've never been able to figure out.

In 1941, when Crowley saves the books, what are we seeing from Aziraphale? By this point he knows damned 😉 well that Crowley adores him, so I very much doubt the 'this is when Aziraphale realised his love was returned' theory. Is it to do with their holy water fight?

Apologies if you've covered this already but I've read through your master post and most of your previous posts and couldn't find anything. I keep musing on it and thinking 'oh Vidavalor will know but I shouldn't bother them'!

Ground Control to Mr. Tom! 😊 Hi there. 💕 You are correct that I haven't done a post about this, which feels very much like my all-over-the-place blog, because this is one of the most-discussed scenes in the show. 😂 You are absolutely not a bother! Do not speak such silliness. I'm going to explain my take on that scene with some help from The Archangel Fucking Gabriel. Therefore, there is hot chocolate, should you want a mug.😊

This is also going to be my contribution to the Azirafeast celebrations so I wish any of you reading this many scrumptious returns!

Below the cut is the one in which someone who thinks Crowley and Aziraphale have been lovers since ancient Rome offers an opinion on what's going on with Aziraphale and the books in 1941... by way of a look at what we might be able to learn about this moment from its sister moment in Gabriel & Beez's flashback.

Be them real people or fictional ones, angels-- especially our two, main ones on Good Omens-- are not accustomed to feeling seen.

This is largely because they believe they exist to sacrifice themselves for the protection and betterment of others... that this is literally what they were made by God to do... or at least what they've been told God wants them to do... and, as we know, they've got plenty of questions over all of that.

They can often feel guilty about their consumption of resources-- or their curiosity about doing so in different ways-- when they've been told that those resources and the experiences that come with them are not for them, even if all evidence seems to suggest that might not really be the case.

They are told they are supposed to live small lives of sacrifice and are, as a result, full of conflicts about their hungers, their needs, their desires... about their love, and the want of a free life of their own.

They exhibit perfectionist behaviors, are full of self-criticism, and are excessively self-sacrificing.

Intellectually, they know they are a person with wants and needs like everyone else but they've been taught that they are supposed to be above all of that and breaking free of that abuse comes with negative self-thoughts, anxiety, depression, and a whole slew of other fun struggles.

That attempted thought control and oppression of people that is responsible for these angels' inner torment, though? As The Supreme Archangel aptly puts it while having a total breakdown shown by chasing his metaphorical self (The Fly) around the bookshop and trying to kill it with a Bible...

...it never works.

It might, unfortunately, get some people but it never, ultimately, works in society as a whole for very long because people want to live. People are made to live. They will seek out coffee over death and rebel against any society that seeks to oppress them in whatever way that they can. Eventually, angels who want to break free will find different ways of letting themselves be individuals on their own terms, even as they are still full of conflict about it, as we've seen Aziraphale and Gabriel do throughout the story.

They'll express themselves in different ways but with the same sense of desperation to have something of their own as a way of admitting that they are a person, too.

Maybe, one night, an angel will, say, allow himself to indulge his hungers by eating an entire ox... maybe in front of the demon he'd like to consume with just as much enthusiasm. Maybe those hungers become ones that, despite his inner conflicts that lead to periodic episodes of depression and fasting, this angel will allow himself to otherwise regularly satiate, and in which he finds enjoyment, nourishment, connection and peace, that he would not have otherwise found.

Maybe, on another night, a different angel will let himself slip away from Heaven and return having consumed resources for himself, in the form of a tailor-made suit that serves as proof to himself that he isn't just a symbol but an individual person in his own right. Maybe it gives him a connection to his body that also leads to him jogging and exploring more of the world. Maybe he allows himself the freedom of owning what he can of his own body and own appearance because control over these things have otherwise been taken from him in the process of denying his personhood and making him more of a symbol to be venerated.

While these are good examples of these two angels finding different but similar, healthy paths to recognizing themselves as people, it's one thing to recognize yourself but another thing for someone else to recognize you.

Angels are wonderful at taking care of everyone else but they sometimes have a blind spot when it comes to their own needs and safety. They are so busy taking care of everyone else that they are prone to making mistakes with their own care.

Such as this angel below being so pleased with an opportunity to contribute to the war effort that he missed that he'd accidentally let himself be recruited by the wrong side...

...and needing his partner to identify some Nazis and redirect some bombs to keep him from being discorporated...

...and such as this other angel below being pleased with his ability to show care towards his new partner...

...but also, as we can see by the expression in his reaction to Beez's suggestion above, so unused to being cared for that, even if he was intellectually aware of it, the aspect of partnership involving mutual care was so foreign to him that it threw him for a bit of a loop.

Sometimes, an angel will be going through a period of struggle when it comes to their interactions with the world. It's often times not even just the feeling that they should just be advisors more than active participants and that the world is not for them. They are, in these moments, just imposter syndrome run amok, and that robs them of pursuing that which makes them feel happy and fulfilled.

Loving an angel in this mode requires gentle, genuine, affirming care:

The imposter syndrome modes can strike at any time for angels but tend to do so especially when they've very recently tried to engage with the world in a big way and saw it backfire.

Like when they spend a lot of time trying to sort out their place in the world and regularly go back and forth between being so influential that they personally own and have developed an entire city neighborhood but also then have days when they don't want to open their own bookshop to the world.

Like when they are supposed to be an angel and nothing else but, if they could choose a vocation, they'd be doing card tricks and pulling rabbits out of hats at birthday parties for all of eternity, and they feel so massively guilty about it that they tell themselves that the magic shop is not a place for them.

But maybe never more than like when there is a war on... an absolutely massive, global war... the first atomic war, the war that could bring about Armageddon, for all the angel knows... and everyone in the human world is trying to do their bit as best they can and, one day, a young woman claiming to be British intelligence knocks on the door and says that they need the angel-- this particular angel and only him... this angel who sometimes feels like he doesn't always know how best to help but wants nothing more than to be good and do good and help others.

The Allied Forces needs Mr. Fell for an intelligence mission to help thwart the Nazis and work towards stopping the war. And what do they need from this angel, in particular?

They need his books.

Aziraphale collects books of all kinds but he has two major personal collections that are highlighted in the story. One is humorous and self-aware-- a collection of misprinted Bibles. Those are living proof of the fallacy of language and gospel-- of the bullshit of people. They are comforting to him in their existence, as they reinforce his sense that following what others say is the word of God is not really a better path than following his own moral compass. The Allied Forces don't need these books, though.

They need the other ones that Aziraphale has been collecting forever:

His books of prophecy.

This angel collects written works by humans that profess to be prophetic. He has original works of Nostradamus and Mother Shipton and many others. He has preserved them throughout centuries, keeping them safe in his care, even if the works are, largely, complete and utter balderdash. He has kept these books, nutty as they are, safe from damage and in existence, for years, just in the event that maybe these humans, in some way, really did have answers as to the future of the world in which the angel lives, too.

The one that he knows has been slated to be destroyed around 6,000 years from its inception-- a date that was approaching closer with each breath in 1941.

Was it really going to happen? Was there a way to stop it? Aziraphale has been trying to see if maybe the humans have found a way, studying their prophetic works for centuries upon centuries, anxiously looking for clues on how to stop Armageddon and save the world he loves...

...and also therefore be able, as a result, to stay on Earth with the person he loves and not be separated from him for eternity.

It's these books of this angel-- these beloved, material possessions; these perfect examples of everything that he's been told that he's not supposed to have-- that Captain Rose Montgomery of British Intelligence says that he can provide to entrap some Nazis and help save the world for his fellow humans and his partner.

An angel's biggest blind spot is always wanting to help and never feeling like they're doing enough. They're vulnerable to trusting the wrong people for the right reasons. Their desperation to do good and be good in the face of feeling like they're not a good person at all can cause them to have the best of intentions but be open to manipulation by those with the worst of ones.

Sometimes, it's a human Nazi. Sometimes, it's a supernatural one...

...same difference. Both dangerous. Both examples of an area where an angel might not survive if they don't let in a trusted person who can give to them the same love and care they give to everyone else.

The fallout from making a mistake can be devastating to an angel.

They feel embarrassed and snappish-- the anger and frustration related to the miscalculated situation triggering (and masking) the anxiety and depression to which angels are hardly strangers.

They can retreat into self-doubt. Moments of bravery when it comes to trying again are sometimes just as quickly diluted by their compounding insecurity and the fear that they are just jiggery-pokery and do not belong in the world.

This is when they need their demons the most.

Demons? They are fallen angels.

They know all this about angels because they're not much different themselves.

They have had the experience of having to redefine themselves in the face of being told by their societies that they were no longer angels and, in some ways, that has freed the more introspective demons to have enough perspective to offer counsel to willing angels as to how to manage those conflicts.

These demons, like Crowley and Beez, are uniquely well-suited to loving angels because they have also been through these same conflicts-- and still struggle with many of them.

These demons have experienced violence and violation as a result their angelic conflicts. They are drawn towards the inherent goodness of their angels, who approach them with kindness, respect, and a sense of equality to which the demons are not accustomed but which helps to build trust.

Just as these demons seek to protect these angels from harm that might befall them in the future, the angels we're discussing are both mindful of their partners' pasts and take care to help them feel safe. They are emphatic about their partners' comfort, reinforce their expectations of a partnership involving free choice and equality, and continually make clear that they consider-- and will always consider-- explicit, enthusiastic consent essential.

Their demons' knowledge of the darker aspects of the world also make them uniquely aware of the risks to their angels and they seek to protect them from experiencing the same pain they have felt from trusting the wrong faces. They do everything they can to keep their angels from falling-- literally, as in from Heaven, or more figuratively, as into despair.

They give them music and food and companionship... they open up the world for the angels and help them live life with the other people in the pub, literally and metaphorically. They explore the human world with them and make them feel less alone, letting the angels do the same for them.

Loving an angel is first seeing that angel there and acknowledging their humanity. It's affirming their imperfection as being just part of personhood and holding up that personhood as being worthy of love. It is reflecting back to the angels the same empathy, openness, and lack of judgement as what the angels give to them.

It's seeing that the angel who wrestles with living up to the expectations of the statues in his honor and the titles for which he never asked is, really, an imperfect, good-hearted, kind person beneath his snarky, sharp-edged exterior. It's seeing the depression that clouds his eyes and the fine edges he's walking in Heaven and knowing what comes next more than maybe can see in the moment and protecting him, as best as someone can, from the fallout of those actions.

Beez knows what it is to fall. They see Gabriel already in a downward motion in every way there is and knows that it comes with risk of losing himself, the way that they once did themselves. They dump out the matchsticks because the good kind of fire is already lit between them and the fire of Hell is not for their angel. They gift him a fly-- that which is made from their body. They are Gabriel's container. He is safe by putting all of himself, literally and figuratively, into Beez.

While this is a big moment in the Ineffable Bureaucracy parallel and one that also parallels the holy water, Gabriel's response to it is a mirror to Aziraphale's response to Crowley saving the books in 1941. What can Gabriel maybe tell us about what Aziraphale was feeling then, through what is similar and what is different about these two moments?

For starters, Gabriel and Beez knew how they felt about one another before The Fly. They already had shared that through "Everyday". The Fly is not an "oh" moment for Gabriel, in the sense that it wasn't a sudden revelation of either Beez's love or of his own. If anything, he and Beez never really had an "oh" moment in that sense of one because elements of how they both felt were always just understood and present in their interactions.

This is honestly true of a lot of relationships. A lot of "oh" moments are not so much becoming aware of having feelings for someone but are just being hit with a new aspect of love that both/all parties is/are already aware is in existence, even if it hasn't always yet been fully spoken.

In S1, we see that Gabriel and Beez only let their guard down around one another. They have always been as close to friends as they could be in their positions. They already care about one another when we first see them together and then, in S2, Gabriel is completely unsurprised at Beez's flirting with him moments into the first date-- and Beez had no hesitation in doing so, suggesting that they likely have before.

Their attraction to one another is presented as an existing given between them from the very start of their flashback sequence. There's no "oh" over The Fly or anything else because they just know. They start to give words and actions to it as they fall deeper in love throughout the scenes but there's never any doubt that they both have been long-aware of what exists between them.

If anything, Ineffable Bureaucracy is probably the real, millennia-long pining relationship in Good Omens, as while they had all these very good foundations for a romantic relationship, they didn't really begin to pursue one until between S1 and S2.

Gabriel's response to The Fly parallels Aziraphale's response to Crowley saving the books in 1941, even if the contrasting part of the parallel is that both are responses to gestures made by these demons for their angels in very different stages of these relationships.

For Gabriel, The Fly is an "oh" moment-- but not one that is about a new revelation related to love existing. It's about what is, for him, a heartbreakingly new experience:

It's not that Gabriel doesn't already know how he and Beez both feel about one another because already he does by this point. Gabriel isn't having a realization of the existence of his love or of Beez's love when Beez gives him The Fly; he's having a realization that this is what it feels like to be loved.

And what is feeling loved, to an angel?

It's being and feeling truly seen.

It's someone noticing them and coming along to care for them while they're out there, trying to save the world when they're sometimes not sure they can even save themselves. It's someone seeing that in them and not seeing anything worth berating them about the way that they berate themselves but, instead, seeing a person worthy of their love and protection.

Loving an angel is giving them the same kindness and care that they give to the world but that they often deny themselves.

For Gabriel, that night in The Resurrectionist was the first time that anyone had ever done something like that for him. It wasn't an "oh" of I'm in love because he already knew that and that Beez felt the same way. It was an "oh", though, of falling deeper in love. It was an "oh" of feeling love.

Beez had already done kind things for him before they gave him The Fly but The Fly and its matchbox are the first ever physical things Gabriel has been given by someone. He has never had any possessions besides his clothes before. He's never been given a gift.

He and Beez go to bars and pubs on their dates; they're surrounded by humans with songs and birthdays and Christmases and going on dates and living a life that involves tangible, physical things that Gabriel is supposed to be above but to which he is drawn.

On the first two dates we see, he and Beez meet up in places but they do not order anything. They do consume the music together and, by the night at The Resurrectionist, they take another step towards engaging more in the human world that they've largely been absorbing and observing together to date. They do so through allowing themselves to be a part of the space, too-- Gabriel miracling the song on the jukebox for Beez-- but also through material objects.

They start ordering stuff. Gabriel is happy to bring Beez something-- buying them beer and a bag of chips/packet of crisps, even if they're undecided on actually consuming them. He makes it clear that he doesn't have any expectations that Beez actually eat or drink anything if they don't want to but the idea is that they have moved to a place where they can see what the humans see in bringing one another things as they move through the world together.

Gabriel has gone from a being who barely knows why he's meeting Beez in this bar to being excited to see them again and happy to buy them a drink and their preferred snack to stare at. Beez is having a ball getting the food-judgy-if-also-food-curious Gabriel to buy them what they've clearly told him he had best call a packet of crisps if he plans on seeing them again. 😂 They have begun to let themselves claim resources for each other and themselves and to start to get less intense about consumption, which are features of recognizing the humanity in one another and themselves.

Gabriel's "oh" moment when he is given The Fly is that this is the first time he knows what it's like to experience the world as a person who has a person who cares about them and has brought them something.

What he means when he says "no one's ever given me anything before" is really "no one's ever thought about me before."

He means no one has ever seen him there-- until Beez did.

The gift of The Fly reminds Gabriel of that and shows him getting used to the new feeling of not being invisible and alone. He falls deeper in love with Beez and sees them more fully in return as well as a result of their gift and that, it could be argued, is what love is.

Love, if it's good, is a lot of "oh" moments-- because you don't fall in love once. You fall over and over again, deeper each time.

The difference between this moment with Gabriel and Beez versus the paralleling one between Crowley and Aziraphale is that, by 1941, our angel, Aziraphale, has known years upon years upon years of being seen by his demon.

(Amusingly, considering the theme of love as recognition, The Serpent is also literally, ya know, um, rather watchful at times. 😂)

Aziraphale is no stranger to Crowley being kind to him or rescuing him from the times he might have blundered, like we all do at times, in trying to do good.

Crowley saving the books in 1941 is absolutely not the first time that he's ever done something as Beez-and-The-Fly-level romantic as this for Aziraphale. In many ways, that's likely the point.

While The Fly was the first time of what will be many that Gabriel experienced what it was to feel loved by feeling seen, Crowley saving Aziraphale's books is a gesture that could not have happened at all without Crowley's long-held, intimate knowledge of Aziraphale as a person.

What makes Crowley saving Aziraphale's books so romantic isn't even just that he knows how important the books are to Aziraphale but that he knows Aziraphale so well that he could predict that the books would need rescuing.

Crowley knew that his angel would only focus on getting the two of them out of the church alive and unharmed and absolutely was going to forget about those beloved books of his while trying to protect them both and then be completely and utterly crushed when he did.

In this way, it's a contrasting parallel to Gabriel and Beez because, while that was the first time Gabriel had ever felt seen, 1941 is time number six trillion and five that Crowley had made Aziraphale feel seen like this and he's now so well-practiced at it that it's old hat at this point.

There is no judgement from Crowley about what happened with the Nazis in any of this. Aziraphale is horrible to himself over things like mistakes like he made in this church and being forgetful about these books but Crowley sees no such need for any of that. He protects Aziraphale from the fallout but in such a way that says he admires Aziraphale for trying to take the actions that he did. He sees Aziraphale as brave and his actions quietly affirm, much in the way that Beez does for Gabriel, that just because they are an angel who is used to doing for others doesn't mean they're not also a person who needs someone to do for them, too, and that Crowley is happy to be that person.

Aziraphale is reminded by Crowley knowing him well enough to anticipate that the books will need to be saved and taking care of that for him that they are a team. That Aziraphale doesn't have to worry about managing everything on his own because he and Crowley help each other manage life. They know each other well and have been together so long that they just know how to take care of one another.

It's not an "oh" of a realization of I'm in love for the first time. It is, as Michael Sheen says, a moment of falling in love. It's an "oh" of having been in love for a very long time and that love still finding new ways to surprise in its ability to keep causing Aziraphale to happily fall deeper and deeper...

This isn't realizing love and it's not the first time that Crowley has done something sweet and romantic like this for him-- it's the power of it being the nine billionth time Crowley has. It's the feeling of "oh" for Aziraphale that is a reminder that he is safe in the knowledge that Crowley knows him, through and through, and when confronted with the most real Aziraphale there is... the one that can be prone to making mistakes out of insecurities and self-doubt... the one that struggles sometimes with self-worth and brutal perfectionism... Crowley knows, sees him there, and is still madly in love with him.

Crowley never sees Aziraphale as weak or lesser for feeling any of it. He loves those sides of Aziraphale because he loves all of Aziraphale. He won't let Aziraphale be embarrassed because he likes and admires him as he is. He's gentle and kind and understanding about Aziraphale's insecurities, treating Aziraphale with the same care that Aziraphale shows him.

Crowley, better than anyone else ever has or will, sees Aziraphale for who Aziraphale truly is.

He loves that angel and his love helps Aziraphale to quiet some of his self-doubts and be a little kinder to himself-- much in the same way that Aziraphale's love does for Crowley. Crowley loving him makes Aziraphale feel like maybe there's a chance that he might be worth loving.

Loving an angel is making them feel seen and Aziraphale, holding those books Crowley rescued for him?

He felt very loved indeed.

The "oh" moment of 1941 is one moment where we see that Aziraphale has just been reminded of just how much Crowley truly sees him there-- and of just how much Crowley loves him. What we are watching, imho, is not the first realization of love but just one of a million different moments throughout history of Aziraphale continuing to fall deeper and deeper in love with Crowley.

[4dkellysworld]

Real talk: When I gave up

Okay real talk here. This journey isn't always easy, especially at the start when you've just learned everything and you're identifying with an ego. Near the beginning of my journey, I came to understand a lot of the teachings intellectually and even instinctively. There was only one thing left. To realize Self. And I would keep trying with all these practices but felt like nothing was "happening" (even though intellectually I already knew there was nothing to achieve since we are already Self!). It was frustrating (but of course! I was still looking at all this from the identification of the ego).

Then one day I was sick of trying, sick of feeling desperate, sick of being on this goddamn mental pilgrimage, that I decided to give up on trying altogether. I already AM Self. From that day on, I decided I would always identify as Self and never again as the ego. And that's when things started naturally unfolding without me even doing anything and I gained more understanding experientially. Probably an unpopular take (for realized gurus lol) but I also threw away self-inquiry as a practice because I found it to be the least helpful for me personally and why do I need to ask "Who am I" when I already know I Am?

Abandon all imaginings and know yourself as you are - Nisargadatta Maharaj

I stopped seeking. I stopped trying. I stopped asking questions (including self-inquiry yay!). I stopped doing any practices to "get" or "understand" or "realize" anything. I stopped caring about understanding more of the teachings or gaining more understanding intellectually. I stopped thinking of Self-identification as some goal to reach, something that I need to progress on. I stopped waiting for anything to happen and just enjoyed being in the Now. I didn't realise at the time and only now upon reflection I realise that I gave up on all ego activities on spirituality lol. All of that is the ego looking for something to do and trying to achieve something. Only through my experience, do I now understand more deeply the things that realized masters have said. E.g. Robert Adams said something like "stop trying and seeking to be liberated and you will be because you already are". We've imagined our prisons but we are actually already liberated and always have been.

I decided (because it's true!) I already AM Self, it's not something you need to become (or understand in order to become). And because I AM, there is nothing to do but be.

edit: I found this passage a day after writing the initial draft of this post and Robert Adams said the same thing! But giving up was something I was led to by listening to Self. Truth is Truth :)

There is nothing you can think of in this Universe that can tell you what you are. It is beyond words and thoughts. You can never with your finite mind understand who you are. So do not try to do this. It works in reverse. It is when you actually stop thinking about who you are, or wanting to know who you are, and you stop analyzing, and you stop trying to figure it out, that the truth about you is revealed. Self-Realization from Silence of the Heart - Robert Adams

Two things I didn't stop doing: observing as the witness consciousness and sitting in silence in the awareness of being. But both "practices" are things I as Self naturally do because it's my very nature! It's not the same as when I used to identify as the ego and did them because I was trying to achieve something. Sitting in silence & stillness is literally my favourite activity now haha. I'm not sure whether to describe witnessing my ego progressively dissolving or merging into Self because both feel correct? Ah but that doesn't matter. Another thing I stopped caring is to label things as well and just let everything be and unfold on its own - there truly is so much peace and beauty in just being Self! I'm only trying to use words to describe this to share with others in case it's helpful for their journeys but of course words are limiting and you can only understand this when you experience it yourself.

There is nothing to get, only just BE. And it is soooo freeing and wonderful once you understand this. Give up on trying to make the mind and ego understand you are Self, that is a fruitless task. Leave them be. Stop trying to make things happen and just let things be. The more you stay in silence with this understanding, the more the light of awareness shines through and the more you will experientially understand this. Allow things to be and happen on their own, including the permanent identification with Self. Have no desires, expectations or judgments and just surrender to the Now. Just keep being Self.

Only look at who you are, over and over and over until it becomes the permanent identification and replaces the ego. - 4dbarbie

Remember to listen to your own Self above all. Everything else is simply a guide to point you towards Self. You are your greatest teacher! So listen to your Self and do what feels right for you.

Your own self is your ultimate teacher, the outer teacher is merely a milestone. It is only your inner teacher that will walk with you to the goal, because he is the goal. - Nisargadatta Maharaj

[intuitive-revelations]

Retrospective notes and what to keep an eye on after The Legend of Ruby Sunday

I started writing this while watching through a second time. While my thoughts were still a bit random and out of order, I've edited them into something that makes a bit more sense to read through.

Susan:

A little bit weird at first that Ruby asks why the Doctor doesn't recognise his own granddaughter, given that she doesn't know about regeneration yet and Susan Twist is clearly not mixed race. After thinking for a second, I realised she probably just immediately reconciled this as an adoption scenario, especially with her own family and history.

I've posted seperately about my feelings on the retcon of Susan's origins, but I am still surprised we're going this direction. I also find the wording a little bit questionable, as the Doctor makes it sound like he hasn't had children before, when he 100% did.

A Susan misdirect being linked to the word TARDIS is excellent though, given that she claimed to have come up with the word. (People freak out about what this means for her origins, but I don't see why it can't just be that she's responsible for the English acronym translation convention, which then passed on to all of human history thanks to the Doctor's travels.)

We didn't get Susan this time round, but such a massive red herring implies that RTD is planning to build up to such a thing for real, right? I assume we'll also be talking more about her next episode / in Tales of the TARDIS.

I also mentioned this in my live notes, but I quite like the Doctor's justification for not going back to Susan. It makes sense on its own, but takes on a whole new meaning in light of what happens in Big Finish (even if you do need to slightly nudge the meaning to make sense, and admittedly it still clashes with her participation in the Time War).

The Time Window and Misdirections:

Slightly put off at 'time window' being used as terminology for UNIT's tech when that's been used for actual time portals in-universe before.

Liked all the mentions of chronons though. Need to combine that and "N-dimensional time" into an actual pseudoscientific theory of time physics in Doctor Who with artron energy etc.

The Time Window is also totally how we get the Memory TARDIS, right? I'm guessing that's why the Doctor sent Ruby there, so she can escape into it (though I don't know what that will look like given Tales of the TARDIS surely won't be essential viewing). I wonder if that means the Doctor we'll see in that won't be the real one?

Super sneaky making the time window the 'secret from the Third Doctor era' that is revealed that was teased. Not a lie, but really teases something different to what we got.

Actually, in general kinda mixed feelings about the sheer level of misdirection is this story. You've got the above, all the focus on Susan, maybe the 'Beast', literally playing the Saxon theme (The Master Vainglorious). Seemingly also the thing about where people were stood on Christmas Eve… though I am going to check to see if there's something about the TARDIS / Sutekh. That being said, I'm guessing we're coming back to this, as the pointing isn't really explained yet.

RTD also said the script opened "INT. COFFEE BAR, USA - DAY, 1947" but we clearly never got such a scene. :/

On the other hand, all the playing around and subversion with anagrams was a lot of fun. Very much riffing off of DW tropes. Very funny also that UNIT would immediately pick up on the S Triad thing, given their and the Doctor's history with the Master's own aliases.

Sutekh and the Pantheon

Super intrigued by everything regarding the Pantheon in this episode. So we've got members:

Sutekh: God of Death. The Oldest One / The One Who Waits, the Mother and Father and Other of them all. The Toymaker: God of Games. The Trickster: God of Traps. Maestro: God of Music Reprobate: God of Spite. The Mara: God of Beasts. The Three-Fold Deity of Malice, Mischief, and Misery. Gods of Skin, Shame, Secrets Incensor: Gold of Disaster Incensor's Children - Doubt and Dread. Harbinger(s)

I'm probably too EU-brained, but it feels crazy putting entities like the Toymaker and the Trickster below Sutekh? They're both Eternal/Guardian level, while Sutekh is just an Osiran, powerful but ultimately ephermal. How is he 'the oldest' and the 'mother/father/other' of them all? I guess age could be partially put down to Sutekh's fate in Pyramids of Mars, but actually originating before them doesn't really make sense. I guess he could be an incarnation of a much older being, a bit like the Doctor could be?

However, I also doubt Harbinger is entirely reliable. She's clearly hyping up Sutekh's dominion, so him being the 'god of gods' may not mean much in terms of their origin.

Speaking of which... a lot of allusions to the Devil here, as I mentioned above. Chidozie finds himself in 'hell' and Carla literally calls the shape in the Time Window "the Beast". The security camera is also 66m away (funnily enough, around 73 yards). Add in Gabriel Woolf also playing the Beast in series 2, and you really do have to wonder if there's a connection. If Sutekh and the other Gods really do see him as the same entity as the Beast, then maybe he really could be the oldest of them all.

Side note: "Mother, Father and Other of them all" is great. Connecting the word 'Other' to parentage is also interesting, given we've been talking about Susan...

Going back to the Pantheon - I am now 100% convinced, after theorising before, that we've been meeting members of the Pantheon of Discord.

While there are family connections between some of them, I doubt they really are all related. They're way too distinct for that. But as a loose coalition of malicious god-like beings across the multiverse, it works. Weirdly, it is also reminiscent of some plotlines from the Tenth Doctor Titan Comics. It also feels like the direct opposite of the 'Accord' from the Leftbridge-Stewart series, which was seemingly another coalition of more benevolent deities, including the Azure Guardian. I wonder if they oppose each other?

Some of the namedrops are super interesting too. As I mentioned in my live blog, the Three-Fold deity must be connected to the Six-Fold God, even if just an imitation. Some of the names (eg. Doubt and Dread), being directly named for concepts and emotions, also brings to mind the Menti Celesti.

I also strongly suspect we're going to meet the Trickster again. RTD even foreshadowed as much when he illustrated Now We Are Six Hundred.

Big question is... when did Sutekh become connected to the TARDIS? The latest it could have happened is Wild Blue Yonder, and that would be the simplest explanation... but dialogue implies he's been attached and waiting for longer.

Again, mentioned this in my live notes, but the connection of Sutekh hiding in the "Howling Void" and appearing on UNIT scanners with contradictory information like the Dalek Void ship is an excellent connection. Especially, again, with the possible Hell connection:

RAJESH: And what's the Void? DOCTOR: The space between dimensions. There's all sorts of realities around us, different dimensions, billions of parallel universes all stacked up against each other. The Void is the space in between, containing absolutely nothing. Imagine that. Nothing. No light, no dark, no up, no down, no life, no time. Without end. My people called it the Void. The Eternals call it the Howling. But some people call it Hell.

Does this imply he attached himself to the TARDIS while it traveled through the Void? If so... when was that? Again Wild Blue Yonder is a good candidate, as the TARDIS literally reaches the edge of the universe (at least in some sort of spacetime geometry), but this could technically harken back as far as Journey's End, when the TARDIS last visited Pete's World.

A bit of me is intrigued by the description of Sutekh "whispering, delighting and seducing" the TARDIS, but nothing else indicates the TARDIS was willingly carrying him. Again another sign that Harbinger's speech may not reliable.

Remaining Mysteries

No offence to the people who were all in on the theory, of course, but I'm pretty sure the 'TV' theory is nothing. Especially after this episode. I feel like people latched onto the promo shot for this episode which looked like a TV set and confirmation bias took on from there. That being said, I am ready to eat my words if it somehow comes back to that next week!

(TBF, the TV theory obviously does have some relevance to DW in general, what with the Weeping Angels, Doctor Who exisiting in-universe, fourth wall breaks etc. I just don't think it ever had anything to do with this story.)

So Mrs Flood is confirmed to be something alien or supernatural, after the ambiguity with the Christmas 4th wall break. Simplest answer is that she's also serving Sutekh / the Pantheon, but IDK... she seems different.

Still need to know what's up with Ruby's mum too. Annoyingly, the episode makes it kinda ambiguous if she was pointing at the past Doctor (as per the flashback earlier this series) or at the present one. If the prior, I assume she was actually pointing at the TARDIS / Sutekh?

That damn "worlds with orange skies" line. It's probably nothing, right? But why did we focus on it, complete with musical sting. RTD knows that's significant. Hell, it's specifically significant to Susan, with her talking about Gallifrey in The Sensorites, and Ten recalling it in Gridlock.

Also, unless the soundtrack was lying to us, which it doesn't usually (though I guess isn't unprecendented, with the Weeping Angel theme being used in Day of the Doctor when Osgood realises the statues are disguised Zygons), maybe a Master reveal coming up some point in the future? How though, I have no idea.

[estelofrivendell]

You’ve Got A Friend In Me (Aragorn x Female Reader)

a/n: clara actually posting a one shot??? shocker, right? anyway, i started this months ago and only finished it now. it’s not really x reader, but oh well. also, there may or may not be inspiration taken from to kill a mockingbird. i won’t elaborate and you will see it when you see it. i don’t really see this as a part three of “a change of heart” but you can if you want to. also, don’t question the toy storyesque title.

summary: you’re convicted of a crime you actually didn’t do and all the odds are against you because of your reputation. aragorn is the only one to believe you are innocent and does what he can to help you get cleared of all charges.

word count: 2,1k

warnings: none really other than mentions of murder

During your first meeting, Aragorn prayed to whatever God was up there to have you locked up for your crimes sooner or later. He never thought it would actually happen considering how lousy the whole system was. Yet the wishes he no longer held were answered, which he thought was only done to spite him. When news of the lords declaring you a fugitive, he prayed you would be guided into safety and away from the authorities before asking why they wanted you.

“Do you need to ask?” A considerably young ranger laughed. “That woman is a menace. It was about time those poor souls were brought to justice, and this is long overdue.”

Aragorn growled. “That does not answer my question.”

The young ranger laughed once more, holding up his arms. “Calm down. They say she murdered one of those great lords in cold blood. Witnesses saw her near the castle when all the mess was going on. Can you believe it?”

No, I do not. She would never do that, not anymore.

Finding you wasn’t so difficult anymore. You were a slippery little snake that it took Aragorn a while to master the task of locating you. Today felt strangely easier than it was and he wondered if that was deliberate and you had been hoping he would find you.

You sure did not expect his visit as you aimed your knife at him, the tip close enough to his chin that it made a small cut, but you lowered it the moment you realised who it really was.

“Aragorn? What brings you here?”

“I believe you know what brought me here. Did you do it?”

“Kill the lord? No, though I would love that honour. I cannot tell you I am entirely innocent in this matter.”

You didn’t change entirely, you see. You still took payments (especially when the money came from a high bidder) and you were more than happy to carry out the execution of the worst of men, and the lord was no kind man. He was someone no one wanted to be around and Aragorn didn’t need to be told that you would love to kill him, yet he felt it in him that if you were going to be arrested for any crime, this was not it.

“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore,” you said, turning away from him. “You need to get out of here. I don’t want you seen with me and I most certainly don’t want you to be involved in my problems, so do yourself a favour and save your sorry self from a conviction.”

Aragorn raised a brow. “You involve yourself in my affairs, why can I not do the same?”

You shot him a glare. “That is different, I was helping you. And if-”

“You don’t think I’m helping you? I’m telling you I believe you’re innocent, and no matter what you say to make yourself look bad, I’ll find a way to make sure you’re not tried for anything.”

“Then run away with me.” You offered your hand. “A life in the forests away from the city sounds nice. It’s what I always dreamed of as a young girl.”

If he wasn’t destined for something so big, he would not hesitate to take up your offer. Even then, he imagined a life with you and he believed it to be so cozy and perfect. He was no stranger to waking up beside you and he longed for your company that getting to do it every morning sounded like a utopia.

“I… cannot.”

“Why not? You have nothing going for you. Just the same old rangering, nearly getting yourself killed while the people you protect don’t thank you for your service. Would you prefer a life with me, where we have all the freedom we can get? We can explore the world together, unbounded by expectations and obligations.”

“I may not like what I do, but it is still my duty to protect the men of Bree.”

Hurt, you turned away from him and left. “Well, you made your choice and I have made mine. I am sorry they are incompatible, but there is no use to convince you. I wish you all the luck if there is any left.”

-

Each day, Aragorn misses you, but does not regret not following you. He would kill for you, but he would not pick you over the crown. It was the heaviest price he ever paid in his life and he is sure nothing else can compare.

Over time, his life is the same as it was before he met you. Hunt orcs, occasionally meet Gandalf, return to Rivendell, eat and sleep. Rinse and repeat.

It had been three months, shy of Midsummer when he heard about your whereabouts. Expecting neutral at worst news, he ensured to look like he was not paying attention and almost lost his train of thought when they started to go into more detail.

“Word has it that the woman thought to murder the lord had been found by authorities just last week. She put up a good fight, killing the guards and escaped the first time, but they caught her this time, not without issue though. She’s been brought back here for a trial.”

“Here? Why?” A young man asked, stupidly.

“Because this is where the murder happened,” said the man calmly. “I’m more surprised she’s getting a trial in the first place. Murderers like her deserve a lifetime sentence, plus 150 years, without the possibility of bail. In fact, the guillotine will do.”

A young woman around the same age as you spoke up. “There’s no way she’s getting a sentence lower than that. I mean, she steals a lot, and that’s not worth a death sentence in my book, and all those conspiracy murders everyone spoke of had no evidence, but this one did.”

“So, when is the trial?” The young woman asked.

“In two months time, assuming no delays.”

-

After a lot of difficult convincing on his end, side eyes he received, and suspicion that he was someone to not be trusted, Aragorn received the location of the maximum security prison and the specific cell you were held at. The guards asked him a lot of questions before letting him see you, let alone giving you privacy. 

When you saw him, you shot up and clenched your hands around the bars. A friendly face was long overdue. “It’s over, Strider. No point in making me feel better. I lost the moment they found me and there’s no turning back.”

“Don’t say that. Have some faith in yourself. I know you didn’t do it-“

“And do you have proof for that? God, I’m grateful to have you, and I’m grateful that you believe I didn’t do it, but you’re a delusional man. Go home. Find a woman to fuck, marry and have babies with. Forget about me. You’re smarter than this.”

“I know many people that can help you. I’ve been looking around and speaking to them, and they agreed to look into it. Some of them have been given permission to investigate.”

“Strider.” Only until now did you start crying, and Aragorn never saw you cry. He thought you crying was something he never thought he would see. “Stop that. You don’t have to do that.”

“What friend would I be?”

“You’re risking your own life for me.” You sobbed. “I don’t want you to jeopardise your own life to save mine. Please, stop this, go home. You have nothing to do with this.”

Suddenly, the door opened and two guards roughly grabbed Aragorn and pulled him away. “Time’s up,” one of them gruffly said to him as you mouthed “don’t resist.” He reluctantly listened. He was a lot stronger than everyone here combined and could knock them out in one hit, but if he wanted to finish his plan of ensuring you were proven innocent, beating up the guards was not the way to do it.

Once he was thrown out of the prison, he looked at the architecture and noted how miserable it was. He could tell you were losing your mind each passing minute and only hoped that you would recover as soon as you were released.

-

One of the people he paid to investigate the lord’s death had summoned him to a private place at night. 

“I think you need to hear this. Last night, we went over the body and we discovered enormous hand marks on the victim’s neck and marks on his right eye. The hand prints are too big to belong to a woman and the injuries on his eye could mean a left-handed man did it.”

Aragorn has met women with quite large hands, but the news only confirmed that you didn’t kill him, as he was aware you had small hands. You were also indeed right handed.

“With this proof in mind, it’s hard for me to believe she did it. I don’t know who did it, but I don’t believe it’s her.”

-

Aragorn snuck his way in your trial and watched from above, making sure to keep discreet. After the introduction and overview of your charges, and people fighting it out with you remaining silent, you were suddenly asked a question that piqued his interest.

“Can you read and write?”

“Yes, I can.”

Everyone present stared at each other, muttering amongst each other, shocked that a woman who was most certainly not noble and was uneducated knew how to read and write.

You were asked to write out what the judge said, word by word with both hands. The most eloquent speech with advanced words yet you had no struggle writing them down, with your right hand, confusing everyone.

The man that asked you to write remained calm the entire time, as if he was unsurprised, startling you a bit.

“You see, the woman here wrote with her right hand, with perfect handwriting, while her writing with her left hand is nearly illegible. This could only mean she is right handed. The lord was discovered with bruises on the right side of his face, which if we assume she is the murderer, would be probable if she is left-handed. But she is not.”

“Secondly, there were big handprints around the lord’s neck. The woman here has quite small hands. A woman’s strength could only do so much to try and choke a man let alone with small hands.”

The trial went on and on, but came to an end, a good one, since you were cleared of your charges. Due to the everyone’s shock and confusion, and how the evidence countered their expectations, no one cheered nor jeered at the decision. It was dead silent and everyone left without uttering a single word.

Aragorn only smiled to himself, but his smile fell when you ignored him.

-

And life in Bree went on.

Everyone spent a week talking about how they had wrong thoughts of you, while others were still convinced you didn’t do it. A couple others just didn’t care and were annoyed to even hear about you. But after a week, the chatter all died down and everyone minded their own business, unless it was something about their married neighbor beginning an affair with another woman. 

Aragorn found you at your place, cleaning your home with a lot of things packed.

“Going somewhere?”

“Finishing what I did not get to,” you said, not looking at him. “Why are you here?”

“I wanted to see if you are well.”

“I am… well, I suppose. I’m not in a shitty cell with a similar embodiment to hell anymore.”

“I don’t expect a thanks or-”

“Thank you,” you suddenly said, finally facing him. “I’m sorry for doubting you. I really did think it was over for me.”

“I don’t blame you for doubting me, but I am your friend. You helped me before and it’s about time I returned the favour.”

“I am still going away for a while. I do not think I want to come back to Bree after a short time with everything that has happened. I understand you do not want to come with me, but I will come back, I promise.”

“About that. I think I decided that I do want to travel with you. It’s that this time, we’re not running away from something terrible.”

You ran towards him to give him a hug, perhaps the biggest hug he ever had in his life, and he heard you start to cry again. This time, you were not crying out of desperation.

No, you were crying of happiness. Happiness because you get to travel around the world with your favourite person, and the only person in your life left that mattered.

[orenji-iro-no-sora]

Thoughts on TGCF Vol 3

Vol 1 | Vol 2| Vol 3| Vol 4| Vol 5| Vol 6| Vol 7| Vol 8

*Spoilers*

Arc 2: Heart as gentle as a flower

I didn't talk much about the second arc in the last post because most of everything happened in the third volume and I wanted to keep it all together.

To me, this arc was the hardest to read up till now. I was wishing for it all to end which was a sentiment that took over Xie Lian as well as his confidence in what it means to do the right thing waned with the progression of Xianle-Yongan conflict. While in the beginning, he believed wholeheartedly that saving someone, doing something was still better than nothing at all, by the end of it, it was clear that much of his suffering had been futile.

It truly was a hopeless conflict, I reflected a lot on what could be done, what really is the right thing to do and in the end there were no answers. In the face of destiny, there's not much anyone can do and as the state preceptor said: when humans ascend, they're still humans. Gods are still humans, they don't know better and they can't save anyone. Only people believed that Xie Lian should be invincible. He wasn't and could never be.

I applaud MXTX for her depiction of the events as something genuinely unstoppable with so many factors that it becomes paralysing to take any decisions. Having kindness and compassion for all means that making 'necessary' sacrifices is unacceptable as there's nothing, no act in this world that's wholly beneficial, it'll harm someone or something. There's no pure goodness.

Xie Lian did his best though, all his decisions were deliberate, rooted in his virtue, kindness and his desire to save people. He walked the walk, it just didn't make any difference. He was too young to have faced it all and by the end of it, the exhaustion and the inadequacy of his powers caught up to him.

Death isn't something that is deserved/undeserved, it's not punishment that the innocents must be protected from. It simply is and that I think is the most important lesson here.

Qi Rong and the Human Face Disease

Qi Rong was a nuisance from the start. He really brings out the worst in Xie Lian (sibling effect). Out of everyone, he believed too much in Xie Lian's indestructibility and it's not shocking that he ended up hating him so, commissioning those disrespectful statues, inciting the populace to blame him for it all, burning his mother's corpse and possessing Guzi's father. Hua Cheng's hate for him makes complete sense. Xie Lian feeding him his deathly congee was hilarious though.

I didn't realise the severity of Human Face Disease when it was first mentioned in Vol 1. But arc 2 really presented it as one of the creepiest fictional diseases I've ever read. It's the most horrific manifestation of unjust death and I'm just glad it's not a real life thing.

Mu Qing, Feng Xin and The Three Tumors

Seeing the relationship the Xianle trio shared with each other, I finally understood the awkwardness in their interactions during the first volume. While Feng Xin is fairly easy to understand (loyal, faithful, straightforward), I think Mu Qing is one of the most interesting characters. He's insecure but decisive, he respects Xie Lian but also envies him. To him, the end justifies the means which is in complete contradiction to Xie Lian who wants justice at all levels. There are so many complicated emotions between them and the way they go about it is entertaining to read. I hope they can clear out the misunderstanding as we progress further in the story.

The interactions between the Heavenly Officials, especially the Three Tumors, were unexpectedly funny. Every official is multi-dimensional and has a unique personality. It really offered the much needed light-heartedness after the misery of the second arc. I also really like the Wind Master. He's friendly, even when he messes up in shielding Xie Lian from others (poor guy has bad timings). I am looking forward to how they'll deal with the Reverend.

Side note- Ming Yi focused only on the feast is so me lol.

Hua Cheng's unwavering devotion, first kiss, Ruoye vs eming

I didn't expect them to have met so many times. They really were connected throughout their lives. Out of everyone, I think he was the only one who reciprocated Xie Lian's kindness and consideration.

In my heart, you are god! You are the only god, the one true god! Do you hear me?!”

He fulfilled his promise of building the most extravagant temple for Xie Lian and celebrating him with plays and three thousand lanterns. (XL is the light of his life after all). They're so cute and they finally kissed!! Underwater too!! It was still weird though. Just as weird as Xie Lian's heat from the Land of the Tenders. I don't know what I think about it all except for it reminded me of the awkwardness of Mo Dao Zu Shi.

Another cute thing was Ruoye showing off in front of Eming as he cut vegetables for Xie Lian's poisonous soup (?). Them competing against each other and puffing out when Xie Lian praised them was the highlight for me.

[sciderman]

I also tried to find that Peter neurodivergent post recently and yup, vanished. But anyway, I just read your post and tags responding to that other person's ask saying they can't find it. I really really don't think you sound stupid (not that I'm a professional either).

That post hit deep for me because as someone very new to getting therapy, it reminded me of my first session (in which I said, do I have audhd or what?). My therapist told me first thing "there's a lot of overlap between these traits you're listing and trauma". I kinda sat back like 🧍she said what's more important is making sure I'm functioning, coping... That not everything needs a label unless I really want one. I went home and asked my housemate (who's currently doing their psychology masters) and she said, "yeah, both often get misdiagnosed for the other".

That kinda changed my whole perspective on everything and so reading your post brought me back to that. Hoo, emotional and stuff,,

Enough rambling though, my points are:

• Thank you for saying that, it meant a lot (I'm kinda crying haha)

• You're right about it all to my knowledge!

• I hope everything's okay with you and you're happy with what stuff will mean for you ❤️ good luck and all that!

(sorry for the essay)

bless you anon!! i'm really proud of you for taking the steps into therapy, and i really hope that it's a helpful experience in getting to understand yourself better! wishing you so, so much luck on your journey, anon!

i definitely think labels aren't for everyone - and sometimes, sometimes they can be a stifling thing. it's a fantastic thing when you need to simplify something to explain to someone else - especially fantastic when you need someone else to make considerations for you. i find i only really use labels when i need someone else to understand something about me in a simple sort of a way. so i say "bisexual" when i need to explain myself quickly, but it's a shorthand, and there's probably a much more complicated label that might fit me better - pan, maybe, but who has time or courage to explain pan to a 50-something-white-guy - certainly not i, so - for ease of understanding, i'll put myself in that box.

i think labels are fantastic when they make your life simpler - but sometimes they can do the adverse when you realise they don't fit as well as you'd thought. when you need a label to fit, and you feel that pressure to fit into it when - actually, actually, you are more complicated than that. then - then, you might realise, the label isn't for you, and you can either hunt down another or - be easy with the fact that you're a unique beast, and not everything will fit all the time. there's overlap, and every brain case is so so unerringly unique to the person.

it's like lgbt+ labels, lord knows, the kids are inventing a new one every week because there's no way to encompass everyone's unique approach to attraction. we can say "this is me, and you might feel similar" and that helps - but truly, no human is 1:1. no experience is 1:1. one of you watched cats (2019) and it irreparably altered your viewpoint on the world once you saw fuzzy idris elba dance on the screen. one of you (mercifully) didn't, and didn't sustain that trauma. you're different.

i hope any explanations you get help you move forwards, anon! but i hope you're also comfortable in the knowledge that there ain't no thing like you, 'cept you! (and i love you)

[kiawren]

Okay I wanted to study math but I got so distracted by important kiawren thoughts..

You know how some time ago I posted this about the fire-crested wren's story making me think about kiawren (I realised there was a typo, I didn't type out the 'wren' after 'fire-crested' woops.)

Today I realised I didn't dwell on the other part of the chapter I read this at. One of the hawaiian stories of Maui finding fire relates to him learning from birds who could make fire. (you can read the full thing here, it's cool I found it online after reading this in person but my new phone doesn't have the pics of the pages)

And like..... ... I was thinking how it is birds that first alight fire in this folklore. And Kiawe... Maybe his fire burns passionately becuz of Wren. Yes he's always had the drive in him, but a new sort of fire was kindled after he met Wren. It's a new sort of love and passion. Especially becuz he talks about feeling down and unsure about the future until but he says talking to (the player) helps.

Similar to this Pokemon Masters storyline:

He can and does feel burnt out (haha) sometimes and it really helps to know the people and pokemon around him care for him and want to achieve their goals together. So, I think with Wren around he'd have a new sort of motivation and looking forward to show them his progress. (Becuz he does all this for pokemon and people in the first place, to learn about the connections between the natural world and people through this cultural art.)

Wow ok I'm going off tangent. Uhm basically he needs a bird to keep his fire alive. (The bird meaning me)

Something else,

I find it comforting that he'd also know Banyan trees becuz they also have stories where I'm from: (there are more apart from these)

I think Kiawe would like that the former myth relates to music (the kompang drum) since he's a traditional dancer that also appreciates traditional music.

This is the same sccreenshot as the second picture on this post but I was quite glad to read they were baking bananas. Becuz I love goreng pisang that you can find in my region🤤🤤🤤 (fried banana)

Like! We could tell each other these stories and remark about their similarities (also, the snake in the Banyan was killed and Maui broke a neck and burned the head of the birds in the earlier story, but I didn't screenshot that part. Interestingly they have the animals on the losing end lol) and find parts of it that relates to us, even though these stories were shaped in different places.

The main thing I wanted to say is that Kiawren is so special to me for relating our love to the stories and symbols of the world, so that it goes past just "haha us" to wow I'm learning a lot of things because of you, and it's a larger than life feeling.

Also I remembered this silly drawing I did last time. If you asked Kiawe about loving Wren he'd probably remark that he loves them simply, becuz he cares for them and likes learning with and spending time with them. And if you ask me about loving him, I'd tell you about the fire-crested wren, the birds that made fire on trees that led Maui to bring fire to people, the way the Pacific Ring of Fire and the way tectonic plates subduct to form volcanoes reminds me of him and us. The Dragon and Phoenix in Chinese myth are celestial beings and when paired together represent marriage and prosperity. (He reminds me of reptilians, hardy and seemingly fierce but can be gentle. The dragon is formidable. He also has dragon, charizard, that used to be his grandfather's, the ex island kahuna and yes I'm following the pokeani story here cuz i like incorporating it with his game character. So yes I associate him with the dragon. And I'm the phoenix becuz bird. And also he loves fire. The dragon and the fire-bird. ) Chalk it up to age-old mythologies and natural phenomena that is a symbol of us before we even met, and even if we part.

[ina-verse]

Introduction post

Hello there, welcome to my blog! ツ

Basics:

- My name is Ina (ee-n-uh)

- I'm 20 years old

- Starting my junior year of college in October, majoring in special education and rehabilitation of deaf and hard of hearing people

- English is not my native language, so if posts regarding my studies are confusing, it's because educational systems (curriculums, how is a certain profession organised and its theory used in practise...) are vastly different between countries, especially when talking about special education.

What is this blog?

So, for now it's a commonplace book or a digital journal made of all the things that I think would be helpful in achieving my goals. Whether it's study tips, book recommendations, music playlists, motivational mood boards, quotes, pretty pictures it can all be found here, as well as my thoughts and updates on personal challenges (study, productivity, maintaining healthy habits etc).

Honestly, not sure yet. I wanted to make a studyblr, because my first priority now and in the next few years will be getting my bachelor and masters degree, as well as finding a job in my filed. Of course none of that is possible if I don't put effort and care into other aspects of my life, so I thought why not make it a some kind of a self-care blog, but realised that I don't know what would I even post and how I would do it.

Why am I starting this blog?

Currently my life is a mess, all the bits and pieces of it are scattered around and I am trying to pick what I have, connect it into some barely functioning thing and continue on to grow from there.

I want to work on making my life more better and enjoyable, on accepting and loving myself, on growing and improving every single day.

Also I've always admired all the study blogs out there. Everyone seems so genuinely kind and willing to give out tips and hacks about anything. I have always wanted to be a part of such community, thinking that this will help me stay disciplined and consistent with my work.

Things I wanna work on (I'll probably make separate post for this):

- self-discipline

- incorporating healthier habits into my everyday life (there will also be separate post for this)

- increasing productivity not just regarding my studies

- reading more books (for enjoyment)

- getting out of the comfort zone, being more spontaneous, making memories (with friends and alone), doing things just for the hell fun of it

- learning more skills/languages (for now I want to become fluent in my third language - French, as for skills I would love to enroll in a self-defence or dance class or both)

- getting work experience, I would love to and have to volunteer with organisations from my field in order to have something on my work resume besides a degree and get familiar with my line of future profession

- enjoying my youth, the moments I'm living in right now, being more thankful for everything that i have

...

Interests:

Besides my studies and future line of work

- reading (romance novels, poetry and classics)

- the biggest Hunger games and Suzane Collins fan, everlark stan for life

- listening to music (currently favourite Hozier, the Killers, James Arthur, Lord Huron, Kacey Musgraves, my native pop and folk music) while imagining fake scenarios

- watching TV shows (b99, himym, the good place, the new girl, friends, bridgerton and currently favourite my lady jane)

- now realising that I really need to get into more things besides media consumption

Study, life and aesthetic blogs that I admire and that inspire me:

* @studyblrmasterposts

* @studyblr

* @emmastudies

* @peachblossomstudy

* @starrystvdy

* @helenstudies

* @study-core-101

* @zzzzzestforlife

* @luciaslifesblog

* @malusokay

* @flowerhope

* @agirlwithglam

These are just some of them, if you are also a new studyblr don't hesitate to reach out to me I'd love to be mutuals

I'm still not sure about the main structure of this blog I guess in the near future I'll be posting daily updates as a part of some challenge (100 days of productivity or 30 days of discipline). I'll see so just bare with me 😅

Tags: I'll add as I create them on the go

Purple Van Gogh header is from @vysleix and pastel pink ribbons are from @saradika-graphics

If you made it to here and followed me know that I appreciate you and you have just become my beloved tumblrarian/mutual 🤍😌😘

date of the first intro post: 8th of September 2024.

[saikolikes]

“Si vis pacem, te ipsum vince”: the meaning behind Erina’s banner

I’m sure most people have noticed it, as it was shown firstly in the trailer and then in the opening: “Si vis pacem, te ipsum vince” seems to be the official motto of Persona 5 Tactica, and is indeed present on Erina’s banner when she uses Flag of Freedom.

The slogan is in latin, it roughly translates as “If you want peace, you must conquer yourself,” and it’s an alteration tailored to the game from the most commonly known “Si vis pacem, para bellum” (If you want peace, prepare for war).

What most don’t know (myself included before digging deeper to make this post), is that even the “original” phrase wasn’t exactly born as such and is itself an adaptation of a wider paragraph from a military treaty — Vegetius’ De Re Militari or “Epitome of military science” (the following quote comes from the beginning of Book 3):

Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum; qui uictoriam cupit, milites inbuat diligenter; qui secundos optat euentus, dimicet arte, non casu.

From what I read, the author does a sort of introduction by citing war masters from the past, including Athens and Sparta, and declares his task in compiling all their teachings in one place. Then, he concludes by saying “Therefore, the one who desires peace shall be ready for war; the one who longs for victory shall diligently instruct his soldiers; the one who’s after success shall fight following the art of war, not chance.”

The concept here is clear: you can’t search for and uphold peace without being skilled in battle and ready to fight for that peace if need be… which is a pretty interesting message in the wider scheme of Tactica.

(Warning for story spoilers from here onwards)

I didn’t reflect on it much as I was playing, especially because the game never gives you any “official” translation of what’s written on Erina’s banner. But as I went back to thinking about it, I realised just how fitting this alteration is. The whole deal with Salmael is peace should be the ultimate goal for mankind, a state of existence where no conflict is necessary—on the contrary, conflict is viewed as a bad thing, because it causes hurt and is ultimately harmful. So it makes perfect sense that “Si vis pacem, para bellum” is something that goes against Salmael’s philosophy.

What bothers me, instead, is that it perfectly fits what Erina represents, as is and without any alteration: she battles Marie like rebels do tyrants because the peace in the Kingdom has been disrupted and she wants it back. Putting metaphors aside, Toshiro is the one that realises that only by opposing his father and his fiancé he can right the wrongs that his family committed, and eventually find peace within himself. “Si vis pacem, para bellum” is actually already tailored on what the game is about, so thinking back about the alteration they made, I can’t quite explain it.

It has to be said, though, that “Si vis pacem, te ipsum vince” is also fitting. Reconciling with one’s Shadow self, tame it and embrace it is what awakening a Persona is all about and what Toshiro does later on in the story, so to have “If you want peace, you must conquer yourself” written on Erina’s banner is also a really nice touch!

I guess my main point here is that both phrases go well with the story’s themes and plot, but I do have to say, removing “para bellum” kind of ends up reinforcing Salmael’s point, which is that war (=conflict) isn’t necessary. It ultimately serves P5’s whole narrative that puts individuals at the center of societal changes without questioning too much what role society at large plays: it is acknowledged society needs reform, but reforming passes through righteous people and removing bad apples rather than dismantling and rebuilding anew a system that is designed to be exploitative. More so that “te ipsum” is a bit like saying “you yourself” so I’d argue that a really great emphasis is put on the person/individual. Also worth noting that “te ipsum” is specifically male-gendered as “ipsum” is accusative cause (direct object) for both male (“ipse) and neutral (“ipsum”) pronouns, but “te” is accusative case for the pronoun “tu” which can only be used referring to a person; this means that if the phrase was to be female-gendered it would be “te ipsam vince”. So it really seems to be tailored to Toshiro.

I think what they did with Tactica’s motto is cool (if anything because it let me put my high school diploma at use again after 7 years lol) and definitely a nice addition that shows this game was made with a decent level of care for being a spinoff… at the same time, I can’t help but find a subtle contradiction in the alteration they made.

[mrhaitch]

Hello Mr. Haitch, how are you ? I reckon that since you're an author married to an another wonderful author, you may be familiar with the self-doubt and overall bleh feeling that comes with writing and not really finding pleasure or purpose in it anymore. My question is : how do you deal with that ? I don't see myself as a writer but I still try to nurture this hobby, it's just been hard when everything I write ends up feeling flat at best, unreadable at worst. I don't really have writer pals or readers who give me feedback and I was a bit sad to realise that even when sharing my writing on online spaces where there are no stakes, it still feels like a race to notes and interactions. How can I keep pushing past this ? How do I improve when no one gives me feedback ?

I'm doing well, thank you anon.

Yes this is all familiar to me, and it's something I'm presently overcoming myself (I think it's been over two years since I managed to complete something).

I think there's a few different things here to address so I'll take them each in turn.

Motivation - Loss of motivation is inevitable. All love affairs have peaks and troughs, creative ones doubly so. Accepting that what you're feeling now will pass in time can help, but it's not a cure. When I feel like a failure I try to remember something Neil Gaiman talked about a few years back: writing is a lot like trying to get to the top of a mountain, with every word being a single step closer or another foot surmounted. If you find there's a time you can't write, you're not going backwards, you're just standing in place. Sometimes you have to in order to catch your breath. Forgive yourself for taking a breather - and try to figure out why you need it.

Writing in isolation - This has been my own experience, to tell the truth. I hold a Masters degree in Creative Writing and sat through many hours of workshops, but even then it still felt like I was writing alone - that somehow the conversations that took place in those groups were competitive and unconstructive; everyone eyeing each other, asking 'do you like me? do you like my work? is this okay?'. Writing can be lonely, especially with that first draft where you're writing with the door closed, just figuring out the story one line at a time. You can experience several lifetimes in the space of an hour and occasionally emerge from your writing place, puffy faced and wild-eyed, feeling like you have to tell someone what you just witnessed, but find people give you a quizzical look and fail to understand. Working with others, sharing with others, especially people who do understand can be a wonderful balm for such extended (and sometimes necessary) solitude - but it can have it's own problems. Sometimes you internalise the expectations and tastes of others in such a way that proves more of a hindrance then a help. Which brings me to-

Writing for a social media profile - I've done this myself some times and fell into the same trap you describe: second guessing my work for the sake of a theoretical audience, interpreting a lack of engagement as a sign of my own failures or short-comings as a writer. Even when I published for the first time, and then again for a second, I have only met one person who read my work and it was only because they were published in the same anthology. The relationship between artist and audience is difficult, fraught might be a better word, and one that deserves its own post. Sometimes the audience feels they're owed something by the artist, sometimes the artist senses that expectation and subjects their work to censure to adapt it to what they think the audience wants from them. In the end you've got a work that satisfies no one. Social media can help you find an audience - but it's also a medium built around habit, dependency, and engagement. It's not a true reflection of your worth, but rather how closely what you produce as an artist best fits that platforms algorithms and business models. And, here I'm flirting with arrogance a bit, you should never really concern yourself with what everyone might think.

As for advice, here's the best I've got: find whatever it is that brings you to the page and keeps you there. If trying to satisfy the expectations of others isn't helping, then focus on what you want. How would you tell this story, if you were the only person to ever read it? How would you excite yourself, challenge yourself, enlighten yourself?

Beyond that I'd suggest reading a lot and reading widely. Feed the creative compost heap that dwells in the darker, mustier corners of your mind, and see what weird and wonderful things take root.

And if you want something to prime the engine, watch this short interview with Ray Bradbury towards the end of his life. It always cheers me up:

[commander-rahrah]

I'm so glad that you have my ask & that you're going to slowly explodre in your Astarion x Reader fanfic! I love how Astarion realises that Reader is seeing through his facade!

1. How it makes him nervous & questions their intentions. Then he would wonder how they think about what they see 🥺

2. He would ask them as a way to tease them but desperately wants to know why they're doing this. When they explained it, he told them how puzzling they are

3. Just how much Reader insists that his consent matters & how he can change his mind even if he suggested it is something I definitely want for him!

4. He would mask it well but it does something for him every time they thank him 🥹

5. Reader would apologise even though they only did it to save him while Astarion is reassuring them that it's fine 😭

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts because I love it so much :)

Here's my idea that I would love to hear your opinion! Just to let you know this is quite self-indulgent XD How would Astarion react to GN!Reader explaining to him the reason they always try to help others is because not only do they know how it felt to be helpless, they also know how much it meant to them when they got help when they need it the most?

What do you think of it? I'm curious :3

Fuck, this is gonna be long and rambley and I apologize but god do I love the concept of this, and its something I have been putting little bits into my Astarion series (especially chapter 2 and 4). So first, I feel like I need to talk about Astarion not liking it when you help people when you first start out.

I love all of the posts and art that is made of Astarion admitting that he asked all the gods for help and none of them did, and about how he hates heroes since none ever came for him (including the post about the quote from The Last Unicorn - god it kills me).

And I feel like this makes for such an interesting dynamic when Tav/Reader is a bit of a do-gooder, since it exasperates and bewilders him so much. Maybe even angers him a bit -- especially in the case of a God worshipping, or blessed (like in the case for my series) Tav/Reader. At first his thoughts and opinions are entirely selfish, no one ever came for him, no God or Hero answered, where were you 200 years ago when he was crying and begging? No where. But here now, you were pouring your heart out and risking your neck for vulnerable idiots but he is right there - help him, focus on his tasks like the damn tadpole in your brains and the master vampire that could be lurking around any corner!

But as he falls more and more in love, I like to think that Astarion starts to realize how kismet it is that he met you when he did. That if you were alive 200 years ago and offered him a sliver of kindness he would have seen it as a weakness and seized the opportunity to drop you off back at the castle as another sacrificial lamb. He realizes that if your God never answered your prayer, or blessed you, etc. you may not even have ever been here. And what would his life be like if he hadn't met you? For a time I think he would worry about others taking advantage of your kindness and desire to always help (especially since he did that himself) and would definitely voice it to you. You would just shrug and agree, stating that people have and they probably would continue too. But that wouldn't ever stop you from doing the right thing.

Eventually, I like to believe that for a Tav/Reader of this nature and a non-ascended Astarion, your own kindness and desire to help is one of the things he loves most about you. So much so, that it starts to seep into him, re-igniting the long extinguished flame for such acts in his heart and soul. It definitely wouldn't make him completely change and flip his personality, he wouldn't start just giving things out and running a charity or something -- but I think he would start seeing the world a little brighter and he would want to be a slightly better participant in it as your partner.

In regards to Tav/Reader explaining why they help people the way they do, I feel like specific reasoning would have to lay in the hands of the reader or player - especially because everyone comes up with such creative, wonderful ideas for their characters. Like my Selune blessed Tav from the Talking to the Moon series (aka my tiefling bard Olympia) is this weird combination of just genuinely wanting to be seen as helpful and good for once, recognizing their privilege as a noble and wanting to use it for good, wanting to rebel from the expectations placed on them a bit and also they have this innate purpose that drives them, which is a big part of their blessing from Selune. But I feel like for a good general theme for this ask would be that saying of "The gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it." That even if Reader/Tav had experienced a world that was not kind to you, that you found something good and kind and gentle and clung to it, something or someone else or maybe just yourself. And what an example you would be for Astarion.

Thank you for the ask anon!! As you can tell I still love talking about Astarion x Tav ahaha, even months later. Sorry about the delay in answering it, lots happening in my personal life that has taken time away from my writing! If anyone reading this is looking for updates on Talking to the Moon, please know I am working on it and doing my best to get it out for January! xxx

[innerchorus]

Arslan Senki Chapter 126 (Part 1)

SPOILERS for this chapter, obviously. The cliffhanger ending on this one is quite something and obviously a big departure from the novels.

We're straight into the Andragoras vs. Hilmes duel at the start of the chapter, and at this point I was sure that this would be the most stressful part? And it was pretty stressful, especially seeing Hilmes appear on the defensive and then watching as Andragoras kneed him in the chest/stomach... but then Hilmes managing to kick Andragoras's elbow from his position on the floor lifted my spirits somewhat!

Good move, Denka!

They're... really trying to kill each other here though, and that fills me with fear.

However, as they part with a hand to their respective injuries (nothing major for either, but Andragoras's arm must be throbbing/numb and Hilmes is winded and bruised) who should appear but the (Un)Holy Master?

He's becoming a bit of a guilty pleasure for me, especially in this scene, I think this time I'm not ashamed to admit that I quite enjoyed him. And at least his appearance had the added bonus of interrupting the duel.

The way he is just like... lounging nonchalantly against the throne.

The 'vwap' sound effect makes it seem very much like he just materialised there. We also get to see him teleport to (partially) evade Andragoras's attack later in this chapter.

Anyway, even Andragoras is shocked, because he recognises him, and yet... this sorcerer should much older than he appears!

Why do I like this panel.

The clawed hand sliding on the arm of the throne 👌

Interesting that he describes himself this way (same as in the novels if I remember correctly). I do think he originally started off as a regular human, but the effects of using this kind of sorcery warp the body over time into something unnatural in more ways than just an extended lifespan. I see some of the changes as deliberate and some as just a consequence of their magic use, though that's only a headcanon.

SNAKE PUPILS 🐍

Anyway after the stress of watching Hilmes and Andragoras try to take each other out it's quite fun to see the Master enjoying himself in the knowledge that the other people in the room know far less then him.

Oh, Hilmes... They were never on your side...

'Sides don't matter', hmm? Is that because we've entered the endgame? Because Zahhak is already free from Mount Demavant? Because this close to triumph, Team Zahhak don't need to pretend to be supporting anyone or anything in particular? Because they were always, always working towards their own aims? Either way, it definitely highlights exactly how poor Hilmes's grasp of the truth is here.

And at this point we divert back to Arslan!

He tells his followers the truth her learned about his origins, and states his aim to head to Mount Demavant and retrieve Rukhnabad. Last chapter, I thought Arakawa might be avoiding this and was planning to have him acquire Rukhnabad incidentally, by bumping into Don Ricardo which is funny because... it kind of does happen like that rather than outright aiming for it, and so when I realised where this chapter was going I was hesitant, but actually I liked it more than I expected to.

The dialogue in this scene is all so good! And it makes this decision more understandable. I would share it but I'd just be posting whole pages at this point, but one thing I will mention is that I was glad to see some discussion of what happened when Hilmes went after the sword and mentions of how Zandeh's actions stopped the earthquake. It feels like Arslan is making a more informed choice with an awareness of the consequences, and an acceptance of the concept that he might be found unworthy, which Hilmes totally lacked.

(For reference, in the novels this declaration of Arslan's intent to retrive Rukhnabad is a brief scene with like three lines of dialogue. Arslan basically says he'll go to Mount Demavant to retrieve the sword, prove he is qualified to rule, and then become Shah, and Gieve immediately agrees to be his guide. Arakawa did a much better job. I know Tanaka is the original creator but honestly... elements of that part felt out of character to me, and I think Arakawa manages to acknowledge precisely what was bothering me, so I'm now more on board with Arslan's decision.)

Now back to the throne room, where I will try to prevent myself from sharing yet more screencaps of the bastard himself.

No more snake pics in this post challenge: failed. Will you believe me if I say I wanted to post this image because of Hilmes?

Anyway, the big secret is out and Andragoras is NOT happy. The first half of the chapter ends with him taking a huge swipe at the Master with his sword that not only appears to cut him in half but also slashes straight through the ACTUAL THRONE behind him.

Andragoras, exactly how strong are you? What is your blade made of that it can cut right through the throne like that?

And at this point I'm realising how long this post is, so like the Kmanga chapter releases I'm going to split it into two parts. Stay tuned for Part 2 coming soon, in the meantime I'll leave you with Hilmes's utter shock at what is actually quite an epic moment from Andragoras (and just about the only one where we can cheer for him unreservedly).

[jazlynriddle]

Welcome to your life - Pt 1:

Everybody Wants To Rule THEIR World Ch 13:

Summary:

"You need only close your eyes to it and be happy and safe with us."

The Keeper (player) has already secured the repository and Sebastian's loyalty, emboldening his descent into darkness. Now, they just need to win over Ominis, cure Anne, and create a domain to call their own.

And not necessarily in that order.

The Keeper's tale, a post-game story of a morally-grey, pragmatic, Chaotic Neutral, non-binary, muggleborn, orphan player character, so burned by 1800s orphanages, that they became a power hoarder who demands more payment for quests, burns paintings but doesn't want to rule the world, just their own territory and the two boys who'd caught their eye.

Warnings: Sebastian x MC x Ominis! Spoilers! Dark content! Slow-burn canon-compilant corruption! Fucked up 1800s orphanages! MC has no love for Anne or Solomon! Dubious happy ending (it's happy for MC, Seb and Ominis at least).

You can also read on AO3! (chapter specific warnings below)

Notes:

Warnings: Canon-typical violence, descriptions of blood and injuries, all that fun stuff.

So, I'm about to be a Game/Dungeon Master for a homebrew DnD campaign for the first time tomorrow, and I'm absolutely terrified- wish me luck and I hope ya'll like the chapter! TvT

Ominis hummed absently as he tended to the small garden outside the Feldcroft house. The Keeper had brought back some Plantain seeds with them from their last trip to Dìon Castle for him to plant in their garden.

It never hurt to have some on hand, in case they needed a healing salve for internal injuries that wiggenweld couldn't heal.

Hearing the sound of the front door opening and footsteps approaching, Ominis lifted his head curiously. From the light and carefully measured footsteps, it was likely to be the Keeper, since Sebastian’s stride was more quick and confident.

"Heading to Dìon?" Ominis asked with a small smile.

He’d come to realise over the school break, that the Keeper was always doing something. The only time they were still, was when they were thinking and planning, or sleeping.

He really wished they did the last one more often, Ominis simply couldn’t understand how they could function with so little sleep. Somehow, they’d even managed to find the time to complete their holiday homework while juggling their management of the castle.

The Keeper's voice reached his ears. "Yes, I'll be checking on the elves and I found a cave down by the lake I wanted to search for limestone."

"Alone?" Ominis' concern was plain in his voice, exploring was dangerous, especially without magic.

The Keeper chuckled fondly. "No, I will be exploring with Sebastian and Tynx, if and when Sebastian finally gets off the bed."

"I'll kick Sebastian awake if he doesn't get up soon then." Ominis shook his head with a wry smile.

"Tell him to get his arse to Dìon or I'll go without him." The Keeper's voice drifted away with a playful lilt, followed by a gust of wind.

Ominis brushed a hand over his hair, checking for any stray strands that might have been tossed by the Keeper’s broom. How did they even get such a fast one-

"Was that the fifth year mudblood?" A scathing masculine voice grated on Ominis' ears from somewhere off to the right. It sounded vaguely familiar.

"Looks like, what the fuck is that thing doing in a wizarding village like Feldcroft?" That voice was easier to recognise, a boy from the Macnair family, which helped Ominis place the other voice as Selwyn.

What in Merlin's name were those sixth-year bullies doing here?

"Oh, Sallow's guest? Well, they've been living with him since the break began." A feminine voice replied, one of the Ndiaye twins, Ominis easily figured.

"Sallow? I guess he has been hanging with it recently, can't believe he'd let that thing live with him, doesn't it stink the place up?" Selwyn sniggered nastily and Ominis struggled to quell the anger that swelled in his chest.

"We should teach it that it doesn't belong in a village like this, let alone our noble House." Macnair spat. Ominis tensed in alarm.

"Babe, come on, let's not waste time talking about other people." Another voice joined the conversation Ominis was eavesdropping on, that was definitely the other Ndiaye twin sister.

"Yeah, it's not every day we have the house to ourselves." The first sister's flirty voice reasserted itself.

"...fine." Macnair's voice was reluctant but quickly switched back to a cocky drawl. "Did I mention that we're able to use magic outside of school now?"

"Wow, really?" The second Ndiaye twin tittered in exaggerated amazement.

"Of course…"

Ominis relaxed as the giggles of the girls and the boys' voices faded into the distance. It looked like the Ndiaye twins were dating a pair of sixth year Slytherin bullies. Great taste. Or maybe it was their money the twins liked.

He'd heard of Macnair and Selwyn bullying half-bloods and muggleborns relatively often. Sadly, with Professor Black as the headmaster, ruffians like them were getting away with it far more than they should.

Hopefully they wouldn't try anything, the next term was their seventh year after all. Surely, they wouldn't compromise their own graduation by doing something stupid only a week before the new school year.

"What's down that alleyway?" The Keeper asked curiously as they shoved the last textbook they'd purchased into their pouch.

Sebastian glanced in the direction they were pointing. "Oh, that's Knockturn Alley."

"Doesn't seem as popular as Diagon." The Keeper mused, noting the way the crowd flowed past the entryway, as though trying not to acknowledge its existence.

"For good reason, Knockturn plays host to many dangerous and unpleasant people." Ominis muttered darkly.

"You've been down that street before, then?" The Keeper asked, their interest growing at that statement.

"Unfortunately." Ominis grimaced. "My family often has dealings with unpleasant people. So, I've been forced to accompany my parents now and then. Trust me, you don't want to go there."

"Well, at least while we can't use magic." Sebastian whispered into the Keeper’s ear with a grin.

"I heard that." Ominis glared in Sebastian's direction. "Trust me, having magic wouldn't make it any less dangerous, particularly for you, Sebastian."

The Keeper shook their head. "I agree. Your emotional self-control is still not ideal for a dangerous encounter that can't end in murder."

Sebastian grumbled but, to his credit, didn't argue. Ominis looked mildly unsettled by the Keeper's wording but also relieved to have had them on his side on the subject.

"Let's get going then, we still need to buy potion materials and I want to check out the rest of Diagon Alley." The Keeper nudged the boys along as they continued past and away from the fork leading into Knockturn Alley.

If Ominis thought the Keeper wasn't eventually going to explore Knockturn Alley on their own, they weren’t going to correct him.

Sebastian'd had a point, traipsing into a dangerous place without magic would be foolish. As such, the Keeper would simply wait till they got an opportunity to investigate during the school year. For now, they would focus on acquiring the materials and textbooks needed for the new term.

Hopefully they’d still have time to see everything Diagon Alley had to offer. They'd already burned a decent amount of the day in a meeting with Fixtlick Flitwick. He'd given them their shiny new vault key, made of goblin silver, and they'd then spent the rest of the meeting discussing the wards they wished to place on the Dìon Castle grounds.

The Keeper had requested some basic wards; the unplottable ward that removes a location from all maps, the anti-apparition ward that prevents apparition within its borders like in Gringotts, a distraction ward like the one on the Leaky Cauldron entrance to Diagon Alley, and an illusion ward that made the plot appear to still be a hill with some ruins rather than a proper castle.

They also got a rather expensive blood binding ward that gave them full control of any magical aspects they add to their territory. Such as detection charms that would go off if anyone approached their land and allowed the Keeper to track intruders. As well as grant or deny the ability to apparate freely and permit access to management of the wards.

These protections would have to do, till they could figure out how to cast the Fidelius Charm. Which would render a majority of the basic wards moot, but the Keeper wasn't going to risk their sanctuary just to save some galleons.

The Keeper paused, noticing Sebastian staring into the window of a gaudy looking shop. They couldn’t imagine what could possibly be attracting his attention in there.

"How much money do we have left?"

"No."

"Come on, Ominis, I haven't even said what I wanted to buy!"

"You don't need to, Sebastian, we don't need it."

"Ominis!"

The Keeper's eyes were narrowed in concentration as they measured and calculated the quantity of limestone that they had been collecting for the last three days from the caves they'd explored with Sebastian. Scribbling notes on the journal that they were using to keep track of the work they'd been putting into the plot over the past five weeks.

It had been slow going, but it wouldn't be very long before they were ready to lay the foundations. Though that would have to wait till after school began in four days. Deciding to keep as many rare plants as they could had turned out to be even more complicated than the Keeper had anticipated.

The sheer amount of rare and valuable plants growing in random spots across the castle grounds had necessitated a tedious amount of planning in order to avoid losing them during clean up. Forcing Ominis and the Keeper to spend hours selecting various locations to temporarily move the potted plants to, where they wouldn't, well, die immediately.

The house elf magic of Tibsy and Tynx had been instrumental in the actual uprooting, potting and relocation of the plants and, over the course of working together, it seemed that the elves were becoming more comfortable around the Keeper.

"Master, we've finished tending the plants, perhaps Master should consider retiring for the night?"

Well, the elves still insisted on calling the Keeper 'Master' despite having been given free rein to call the Keeper literally anything.

The Keeper shot Tynx a lazy smirk. "Giving me orders? You've been spending too much time with Ominis."

"Not at all, Master, merely a suggestion." Tynx lowered his head respectfully, adjusting his coat as he did. "Tibsy has already returned from preparing dinner at the Feldcroft house."

"Is that so?" The Keeper sighed, tucking away their journal. "Very well, Ominis would be upset if I skipped dinner."

"I'll speak with Sebastian about the ratio of clay to limestone needed and give you and Tibsy the verdict tomorrow morning." The Keeper summoned their broom, grasping the handle loosely. "For now, you guys can move the limestone Sebastian and I found to the Keep ruins."

"Yes, Master, have a safe flight." Tynx nodded as the Keeper mounted their broom, waving as they shot off into the night.

The Keeper smiled to themselves, honestly, the development of the castle was going much faster than they’d expected. In the muggle world, such an undertaking would be beyond ludicrous for three sixteen-year-old kids with two slaves.

In the wizarding world, it only took them a little over a month to get reasonably close to being ready to start mixing and compressing the materials to create the foundations. The collection of materials that they needed to build their castle fortress was going surprisingly smooth, thanks to Sebastian's tireless research.

The caves in the area were good sources of limestone and one could easily harvest clay from soil. Fortunately, the dry and cracked earth by the northern mountainside seemed to be particularly rich in said clay. Making cement from them shouldn't be too difficult as long as they got the ratios correct.

Same went for the Cement-stabilised Rammed Earth that they were going to use to craft the castle walls, roofs, and foundations. They'd selected this material for its ease of crafting, incredible durability, unshakeable stability, weatherproof properties, insulating capabilities and excellent shock absorption.

Cement and clay were already checked off the list, sand was easy to gather from the coast, and soil was literally everywhere.

The elves had spent the last three weeks sifting soil for clay, mixing the loose soil with water, and waiting for an hour before pouring away the debris and collecting the wet clay that sank to the bottom with bags made of fine thread. It took about a day for a bag of clay to dry enough to be used, so the Keeper and the boys had kept busy gathering everything else while the elves prepared the clay and tended the plants.

They would soon have somewhere safe to hide the repository and the Keeper could then start experimenting with their power. They could barely wait.

With these thoughts in their head, the Keeper's mood was pleasant as they arrived in Feldcroft, hopping off their broom, tucking it away, and casually strolling down the dirt path to Sebastian's house.

Which was probably the reason that they were caught off guard by a depulso slamming into their side, throwing them into one of the stone fences around the Feldcroft house.

Searing pain erupted across the Keeper’s side as they crumpled to the floor, a few stones coming loose and falling with them. Ignoring the agony, they scrambled to their feet, tucking, and rolling out of the way as a diffindo slashed uselessly against the rock behind them.

Every breath made their side scream in protest, but each throb of pain only pumped more adrenaline through their veins, sharpening their mind and senses. The instinct to fight drowning out their body’s distress.

The darkness was a disadvantage since they couldn't use magic to cast a revelio, but it seemed like their attackers didn't have enough intelligence to shut up or hide.

"Just- hic- die mudblood!" A young male voice spat, slurring through half his sentence as he threw a reducto at them.

"Nowhere to- urk- run! Expulso!" A second target shouted, sounding equally as intoxicated as the first.

The Keeper rolled again, dodging the second spell while the first shot went wide, stopping their body’s momentum behind the temporary safety of a crate.

Taking the momentary respite, the Keeper knocked back a shot of wiggenweld, tossing the bottle aside and rolling again as a bombarda hit the crate.

Seeing the boys staring stupidly at the crate, the Keeper took the opportunity to map the area, their targets were standing just a few feet from each other. Good, it'll be easier to take them both out quickly if they clustered.

Unfortunately, there were many more feet between the Keeper and their targets. The Keeper ducked a glacius, feeling their ribs creak in their chest, the wet cloth covering their side sticking heavily to the ripped skin that was still knitting itself closed along their side.

The Keeper knew they wouldn't be able to fight for very long, so they would need to focus on disarming the targets and prevent them from using their magic.

Pushing themselves, the Keeper sprinted towards the closest boy, dropping to the floor, and swiping their leg out to knock the first target onto his arse.

With a curse the boy went down, and the Keeper wasted no time, punching him square in the face. They felt a satisfying crunch against their knuckles and the boy fell backwards with a muffled wail.

"Galen!" The boy still standing shouted, stupidly throwing a diffindo that barely missed his friend's thrashing form.

Dodging his spell, the Keeper shot towards the second boy. Ducking under his outstretched wand arm, the Keeper threw themselves into his waist, tackling him to the floor.

Twisting their limbs around the boy, the Keeper kicked his wand out of his grip, stomping on his hand and hearing his fingers crunch under their boot. The boy's mouth opened to release screeches of pain, but before they could escape, the Keeper grabbed a fistful of his black hair and shoved his face into the dirt.

"Now, who the fuck are you and why are you trying to kill me?" The Keeper growled into the pinned boy's ear.

Hearing a sound to their left, the Keeper grabbed a rock off the floor and flung it at the other boy as he tried to crawl away. The rock landed square in the cowardly boy's back, knocking him back to the floor as he choked on the blood streaming from his nose.

The Keeper tightened their grip on the pinned boy's hair, about to lift his head so he could answer their questions, when they heard Ominis' worried voice.

"That way Sebastian!"

The Keeper paused, the red haze of battle clearing slightly from their mind. They probably wouldn’t be able to torture their would-be assassins with Ominis nearby. A part of them hissed at being deprived of satisfaction, but a larger part of them couldn't bear to worry him longer than necessary.

With a reluctant sigh, the Keeper raised their voice, feeling a bite in their chest as they did so. "Over here guys."

"What happened!?" Sebastian called out, as he and Ominis rushed over, alarm sharp in his voice when he caught sight of the red patch of torn cloth along the Keeper's side. "You're hurt!"

The Keeper was mildly amused when Sebastian stepped on the other boy’s back, pushing his face back into the blood covered floor uncaringly as he hastened to their side.

"How bad is it!?" Ominis exclaimed, worriedly hovering behind Sebastian.

"I'm fine, I already took some wiggenweld." The Keeper reassured them, standing gingerly. "These two drunk bastards decided to try and kill me out of nowhere."

"You fought off two wand wielding attackers without magic?" Sebastian asked, sounding impressed.

The Keeper shrugged. "I've known my way around a fight long before I took up a wand, and these morons relied too heavily on theirs, didn't even know how to dodge. I don't suppose either of you know who they might be."

The boy they'd been pinning struggled to his knees, trying to crawl away. It was a truly pathetic display.

"I recognise this one from our house, a year above us I think." Sebastian turned to glare at the boy who he'd stepped on before. "That one I'm not sure."

"Selwyn and Macnair, I believe they're dating the Ndiaye twins." Ominis grimaced, feeling guilty for not having mentioned what he'd overheard a few days ago.

"Ah yes, I believe I saw them bullying a half-blood that one time in the Defence Tower." The Keeper mused.

As they spoke, the two injured boys dragged themselves to their feet, standing together as though that would make them look more intimidating.

"Fucking mudblood, I'll tell my father and you'll be sorry for this." Selwyn spat, the words coming out nasally thanks to his broken nose.

To the Keeper's surprise, Ominis scoffed imperiously, his voice cold and biting. "Just try, if we report you to the ministry, the only damaging spells they'd find here are yours."

His sightless eyes narrowed dangerously. "I wonder how humiliating it would be for everyone to know that a wandless muggleborn laid you both out without any effort."

Macnair snarled at the offence, but backed down when the Keeper cracked their knuckles threateningly.

"You'll regret this!" Macnair growled instead, cradling his broken hand as the two bullies limped away.

The moment the two boys were out of sight, the Keeper doubled over with a groan, placing a hand over their ribs. The bleeding had stopped thanks to the wiggenweld but it felt like their ribs were still fractured.

At their movement, Sebastian quickly reached for them, supporting their weight, and letting them lean against him. "Merlin, I thought you said you were fine!"

"I am." The Keeper huffed with a pained grimace. "Relax, it's probably just a fracture, the wiggenweld closed the gashes and started the mending, but it's not as fast as a healer's treatment. I just need some rest before the bones heal fully."

Sebastian shook his head with a sigh. "Come on, let's get you back to the house."

Ominis placed a hand on Sebastian’s arm. "I'll go on ahead to start mixing a plantain salve. It should accelerate the healing process."

"Good idea." Sebastian nodded and Ominis hurried back towards the house at a brisk pace, while Sebastian refocused on the Keeper. "Alright, let's take it nice and easy."

The Keeper chuckled, wincing at the burn it caused. "My hero."

"Here to rescue your victory lap from the tragic fate of ending on your face." Sebastian grinned as he helped them stumble towards the house.

The walk felt far longer than the Keeper thought it should have, but after much effort, they were finally hobbling through the doorway and limping towards the sofa.

Pausing, the Keeper braced themselves against the backrest while Sebastian carefully cut their clothing off their body. Removing their garments, Sebastian placed the bloody cloth on the table and returned to the Keeper's side.

"Easy now…" Sebastian murmured as he helped them settle on the couch carefully.

"We need to clean off the blood." Ominis dragged the tub they used for bathing out from under the kitchen table till it was beside the sofa. "The elves would probably be helpful to give us some water for that."

The Keeper grimaced, they must be more out of it than they'd believed, to not have thought of that sooner. "Tibsy."

With a pop the small elf appeared, immediately she gasped in shock at the drying blood covering their left side. "Master! Are you alright!?"

"I'm fine Tibsy, could you summon some water in the tub?" The Keeper reassured her.

"Of course!" Tibsy snapped her fingers, conjuring water in the tub immediately.

"Thanks." Sebastian nodded, grabbing the cloth that the Keeper normally used to wash with and dipping it in the water.

Wringing out the excess water, Sebastian began to gently clean the blood off the Keeper's torso. "Does it hurt?"

The Keeper shook their head. "Don't worry about that, I'm more eager to be clean so I can lie down."

Ominis sighed as the Keeper evaded the question, shaking his head as he mixed the salve together, grounding up the Plantain with chamomile and adding the powder to a bowl with the wet ingredients.

"There, that should do it…" Sebastian nodded, dropping the cloth back into the, now red, water. Wincing at the sight of the dark bruise forming on the Keeper's skin.

He should have been there. Fighting by their side.

Sebastian felt his stomach twist.

"Hey. Don't do that." The Keeper chided, glaring at Sebastian. "I'm used to magic-less combat, you aren't. You would have been a liability."

Sebastian blinked. "...I don't know if I should feel comforted or offended."

The Keeper shrugged. "Take it however you will, it's simply a fact. Without a wand your presence would not necessarily have prevented my injury. It might have even been worse. So, stop beating yourself up for this."

"They're right Sebastian, we would have been useless in that fight, now move please." Ominis chimed in, holding up an armful of bandages and the bowl of mixed salve.

"Fine fine, I'm just in the way, I get it." Sebastian rolled his eyes as he moved to sit on the other side of the Keeper. While Tibsy snapped her fingers, vanishing the bloody water from the tub.

Ominis placed the bowl and bandages in his lap, searching out the Keeper's left arm and placing it on his shoulder. Running his fingers over the swelling bump, he carefully scooped a handful of the salve to apply over their skin.

"Thank you, Ominis." The Keeper sighed as the cool goo was gently massaged into their side. Ominis would definitely be a great healer, his careful handling of their side was delicate and steady.

After a few moments, Ominis wiped his hand on a cloth and began to bandage the Keeper's torso, Sebastian helping him hold the bandage from the other side intermittently.

The Keeper closed their eyes, they and Sebastian had tended each other's wounds often during their adventures but using magic and wiggenweld was much less personal than doing so the muggle way.

The way that they were used to.

Except that they'd always had to tend their own injuries, no one else had ever given a damn what they were feeling at any given point. So, the Keeper found themselves savouring the feeling of being so gently and lovingly cared for.

"Take a deep breath, how does that feel? It's not too tight, is it?" Ominis asked worriedly as the Keeper took a careful breath, testing the bandage to be certain that they could breathe without issue.

The Keeper shook their head, opening their eyes and gently caressing the back of his neck with the fingers hanging over his shoulder. "No, it feels just right."

Ominis smiled with relief, carefully tying off the end of the bandage and tucking the ends neatly into the folds. After that, he carefully felt the Keeper's left arm and fastened a sling around their neck for their arm to rest in.

Satisfied with his work, Ominis nodded. "There we go, try not to move your left arm too much. Now, all you need to do is rest."

The Keeper gazed at him fondly, Ominis was so sweet. They leaned forward slightly to press a kiss to his forehead. "Yes, Healer Gaunt."

Sebastian covered his laugh with a cough and Ominis rolled his eyes. Leaning back, the Keeper sighed and glanced over at the anxious house elf hovering by the sofa, wringing her soft blue dress in her hands.

Softening their voice, the Keeper gave her a tired smile. "Relax Tibsy, I'll be good as new by tomorrow evening. Could you clean up a little here before returning to Dìon? Let Tynx know that I was injured by some stupid kids and that I won't be dropping by tomorrow."

"O-of course, Master!" Tibsy beamed, quickly snapping her fingers, vanishing the remains of the salve ingredients from the table, sending the bowl to wash itself in the sink and setting the table with dinner. "Please eat, Master, Tibsy will be going now!"

The Keeper snorted in amusement as the house elf popped away and Ominis lightly bopped them on the head in response. "See? Even the elf thinks you should eat more consistently!"

"Both of them apparently." The Keeper chuckled as Sebastian stood.

"Come on then, better follow Healer Gaunt's orders." Sebastian grinned as he helped the Keeper to their feet, supporting them as they made their way to the table.

Ominis sighed in resignation as he followed behind, it looked like the nickname was going to stick. Well, it wasn’t like he really minded that much, especially if it got his reckless lovers to actually take his concerns seriously.

Sitting beside the Keeper, Ominis carefully moved his hand along the table till he found the Keeper's plate and slid it closer to himself. After using his knife and fork to examine the steak's position and size, Ominis carefully began cutting the meat into bite size pieces.

"You could just ask me to do that." Sebastian protested as he poured a glass of water for the Keeper.

Ominis shrugged. "Surely I'm allowed to help too."

"Of course, you are. Thank you, Ominis." The Keeper shot Sebastian a glare as they accepted the glass of water.

Sebastian winced. "I- yes, sorry Ominis, I didn't mean to imply…"

Ominis gave him a wry smile. "It's alright, I understand, and I appreciate the concern."

"You're spoiling him." The Keeper shook their head.

Ominis smirked as he slid the plate back over to the Keeper. "As if you don't."

"Do you have to talk about me like I'm a child?"

"You are."

"I believe you are."

"Oh, come on!"

Notes:

Ominis be like "it's dangerous to go alone, take this." *Picks up Sebastian by the back of his shirt and drops him in front of Keeper.*

Am I the only one who thinks Ominis' hair is incredibly neat? Like, wow, man must spend ages combing and gel-ing every morning.

And I mean, the last fight that Sebastian got hot headed during resulted in a death sooooooo, self-control man, gotta work on that. Also Ominis totally can't even see that the shop Sebastian was looking in was gaudy-

If you're interested in the type of bricks I'm using in this story, do check out some of the coolest bricks I've ever seen! Literally too heh heh xP https://youtu.be/9SCyGAaXvJE

[dontlookforme00]

Do you folks think I should write a morro fanfic

Reasoning: I love morro

Here's the main idea if it helps

Starts at where Wu tries to save Morro from the preeminent and he's about to do the whole "You can only save those who want to be saved, sensei"

Except Wu's hand slips for just a second and his legs go into the water and it hurts like fucking hell and he screams and realises how afraid he is to die and he's like 'sensei...help me' and its just the child part of him crying out

Parallels yk

Anyways Morro lowkey wanted to die mainly because he had no reason to live and also didn't wanna face the consequences of his actions

He's petty like that, we all know Morro

So he's like really sick, strangely, because ghosts can't get sick, but all his legs and some of his torso were destroyed by the water

Ofc they'll reappear but it takes all his ghostly energy and he's in like a feverish state

Wu is the only one who wants to forgive him / has already forgiven him

Kai is more aggressive than usual (hard to achieve ik) and he's like 'FUCK THE RULES MASTER HES WEAK KILL HIM NOW' meanwhile lloyd ":("

And Wu is like kai chill, nya chill, you guys,,,,

Then, after a bit, morro strengthens and all ninja negotiate ground rules with him (1. Don't possess lloyd 2. Dont annoy us or we will shower you 3. Listen to us)

Which, he immediately breaks, as you'll see

Morro tries to do something with one of the ninjas stuff and lloyd tries to stop him except he's kinda done with this ghosts bs so now he's regained confidence to be passive aggressive

This infuriates morro (angsty teenager)

Morro possesses him so lloyd will know he is still in charge and better than him because morro was feeling very jealous

Buuuttt because he's still weak lloyd forces him out and morro is like

"Fuck

I broke their only rule"

And as Lloyd begins to break down from the flashbacks morro fucking leaps off the bounty and begins to run because HE ALR KNOWS THE NINJA ARE COMING AFTER HIM

Cue morro panicking running blaming himself and overall wanted arc begins

The ninja begin to look for him after a few hours (pov switch)

And everyone especially kai are like OK SO WE GAVE THE BASTARD A CHANCE NOW HE DIES

And originally, they were going to help hide morro from the public bcos yk he was a villain but now they release the public statement that he is still alive and to be careful, report him, police need to kill him etc. War criminal etc etc.

Morro makes it to ninjago city after a few days and once realises he's like a public enemy and also pretty easy to see as a ghost

He's too weak to fight the ninja, his separation from the preeminent also weakened him

He's like tf do I do man

It's gonna rain soon so he needs to like rent a hotel get a job or find somewhere dry and safe to hide

But he needs a ✨️disguise ✨️

So he focuses all his energy on becoming tangible so he can wear clothes other than the ones he died in (my au my ghost rules ok)

After a while it takes all his energy and its painful af all the while the ninja are getting closer he's contemplating suicide atp

He collapses in some alleyway, flickering in and out of solidity

Until some kid, probably like 12 or 14 finds him

And I won't explain the whole thing but basically the kid, ofc, acts like a teen. Doesn't care if morro is wanted, lives in poverty, cares for morro which confuses him, and then the morro protects the kid from others

And they learn to rely on each other slowly because morro sees alot of himself in that kid yk

Anyways haven't figured out further than that

There probably only gonna be like 12 people reading this so heya

Also I have written the first chapter and posted it ;)))

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

If I may, #1 ("Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?" - I am more and more curious about the technobabble you've been posting, haha), #3 ("What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need?") and #18 ("Do any of your stories have alternative versions? [...] Tell us about them.")

1."Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?"

current project is a thasmissy fic (wait do people even know that portmanteau? ive just been using it. yaz/13/missy) set between revolution and flux. it's basically vault times but with 13 and yaz instead of 12 and bill. it's about coming to terms with trauma and coming to terms with your sexuality i think most concisely put. or in other words i think ive put it like it's about "the things we dont want to touch and the things we DO want to touch". heres the video i made of it last year for anyone who hasnt seen it:

this video took a full month to make and drove me almost insane which makes sense bc editing this fic rn is driving me again insane. just need to finish two more scenes. one of which is the technobabble

it's really fun to do but also takes soooo much time. my favourite tardis wiki page is the tardis components one so im on that a lot, and then ive got a thousand wikipedia pages open about philosophical, linguistic and mathematical concepts and then i try to put words together in a way thats at least superficially a little bit convincing

it's completely incoherent of course but it sounds fun. my browser history looks like this now:

no idea what any of those things actually are <3

3 "What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need?"

honestly i dont think i have a lot of those? i think generally my writing process is just that i write the scene i want to write, and either that turns into the whole fic, or i combine it with other scenes i wanted to write and shuffle then all around for a long time until it resembles something like a story. who needs set up? just jump into the medias of res babey

18 "Do any of your stories have alternative versions? […] Tell us about them."

full stories probably not or maybe there were but i dont remember now. but theres a lot of scenes with alternative versions in this thasmissy fic bc i had to puzzle and recut and rewrite a lot until it made the least bit of sense due to aforementioned "shuffle around until it resembles a story" approach

theres one scene where there was a really clear fork in the road where first i went down one route and then i was like 'oh no i cant do this, it breaks the relationship beyond what i want it to' so i had to go back and take the other path. im still fond of that alternative scene because it was also an interesting one i think

it's a scene between yaz and missy and in the cut version yaz said/did something that sort of cemented their dynamic as an echo of what my interpretation is of vault times thoschei, ie that the doctor keeps the master trapped. half physically half emotionally. because i think the master could leave, the vault or 13's tardis in this fic, but emotionally it's more complicated than that. the power the doctor has over them is that they want the doctor's love, especially missy is super overtly driven by that. the master always is but missy is unashamed and almost unresentful of it i think. missy will say "love me" out loud, basically. "i need my friend back" you know?

and what i had yaz do put missy in that same kind of position she is wrt the doctor. and they both immediately realised that and missy was like "youre just like her" and yaz was like "oh shit i fucked up". it's an interesting scene i think because being like the doctor is what yaz wants, right? and being like the doctor is why missy is drawn to her. but yaz doesnt want to replicate the relationship dynamic of the doctor and the master. she wants to be like the doctor but she also has that I Can Fix Her instinct. and i think with missy that is way more important because missy doesnt need another doctor (even though she also wouldnt be interested in someone who wasnt a little bit the doctor, you know? hi clara. i think 12/missy/clara and 13/dhawan/yaz are like two sides of the same coin. the companion a mirror to both the doctor and the master)