#also the relapse was BAD bad btw

[psychoticwillgraham]

dad wants to bring me down to Texas for a few weeks to get away from mom and sis but mom’s already guilt tripping me for it bc she ‘needs’ me to be with her on the route for the first month every single day and she knows I just can’t do that mental health wise, and I’d miss grandma’s death anniversary which sis will scream at me and say I’m ‘abandoning’ grandma by leaving. but dad is dead set on this bc he wants to take me to a big bike rally on Halloween and I really could use three weeks away and a few trips to the beach to stare into the expanse of the ocean. I think it would fix me. temporarily, but still.

did I mention that me relapsing on sh is what prompted this? bc yeah. he also wants me to fly :(

[conanssummerchild]

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

[chainsawworld]

Oh g-d I've been withdrawing

[snoopyplushies]

.

[munch-mumbles]

tw for self harm talk in tags

[raffleshitposting]

vibe check! (2023)

happy birth/deathday clown!! (ft. farquhar and sophia)

[electraslight]

ben 10 2006 kevin arc: addicts arent good or bad. they can be kind and good and pure and everything a person 'should' be and circumstances can still align and draw them to addiction. kevin is a sweet kid who wants to make friends and is continually shown to be kind when sober, but even in his very first moments it's seen that his trip can drive him to hurt others and himself. he doesnt have any other choice though, because he couldn't survive without his addiction and the power that it gives him. this is understood, and yet ben's arc is about understanding that no matter how much you may care about an addict or a mentally ill loved one, no matter how many chances you try to give them, there comes a point where it is lethal for you to keep trying to help someone who cannot be helped. Ben gives kevin mercy, tools to help himself, and while their might be animosity about it, he really only wants kevin to be ok but even if you believe in someone with all of your soul, you cannot stay with them if they can't value you in the way you value them. Addiction is not a fault, but it is also not an illness that breeds nice people, and continuing to try and help someone who will hurt you for trying is less helping and more self-flaggelation.

ben 10 ultimate alien kevin arc: hey look at this horrible irredeemable criminal junkie lol. everyone can treat him like shit and ignore his feelings because he was on drugs once, and hes even been to jail!! isnt that horrible? doesnt he deserve to be the narrative punching bag? hes an ADDICT he can take it!! look at him getting off the wagon lol, isnt he awful for that? let's have his girlfriend and best friend call him ugly and have him get molested and enslaved!!! also when dealing with a partner going through a violent relapse its totally cool and romantic to 'believe' in him even when he is actively seeking you out to kill you. you should not distance yourself and get yourself to safety because thats LOVE and you can FIX him and ONLY YOU CAN DO THAT. we are a progressive show that has progressive politics

(these are my own interpretations btw i cant argue for intent only what i took away from it. but uaf's botched 'progressiveism' grates on me heavily when even ogs's villians are treated with more sympathy about factors out of their control than one og the teen main characters. ill make a seperate post about botched themes and whitewashing of actual issues later but focusing on this rn bc this is what made kevin resonate with me in the first place and i hate how they botched it)

[rius-cave]

You started appearing ALLLLL OVER my fyp! So I decided to ask a Q, (it's not a request btw but u can draw it if it motivates you.) Ahem, I kinda wanna see some Adam angst, why? Cause.. yes. Anywho I had a random idea of like, how would luci react to seeing Adam having a breakdown about his life? I mean I assume Adam might have some self hate and might question everything that is happening in his life right? So I wonder how luci would comfort Adam in said situation. (Also I tend to be the one answering questions for people since im also a artist and idk if i should post on this app- and so this is my first time ASKING so I'm really excited!! Your arts so good keep it up!)

*rubs my little sinner hands together* HO-HO! Welcome, friend! Thank you for asking! I love Adam angst I inject it into my bloodstream every day.

At first, Adam is just fucking pissed at EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. Lucifer especially, of course. At first, he doesn't even take responsibility, of course. I'd like to think Adam would go through the five stages of grief basically lol. He's in denial, absolutely can't believe it, thinks he'll go back to heaven any second now. He's a prick, he doesn't take anybody's help and flips everyone off, saying he doesn't need any redemption. Then he gets even more angry, like I said, especially at Luci, he's whining and kicking and blaming everyone for his destiny. Then he finally accepts either having a deal with Lucifer, or going to the hotel to try to find some communication with heaven so they can get him out of there. That doesn't work of course, so now his only option is to try and get redeemed. Oh the irony. But then, at night, when no one's looking, he just fucking stands there and thinks about everything that's happened to him. Yes, he is still angry and blames everyone else, but the thought that maybe, just maybe, this might all be his fault, is starting to creep into him. This makes him depressed to no end, but he tries to hide it from the rest of the hotel.

This is when Lucifer notices that he's going through a bad time, and yes, he scolds him some more. But also I think he'd try to get a page from his daughter's book and, begrudgingly, tries to cheer him up and encourage him to give redemption a real try (he was only half assing it until then). He tries to talk to him about the time they spent in Eden, before Lilith was even created. I like to think they had a little bit of a friendship back then, or at least, Lucifer could see some positive attributes in him from afar. He tells him that he just needs to try, and listen, and that soon, he'll understand why these sinners have formed such a tightly bonded family.

Obviously he doesn't exactly change his ways right away. It takes time, effort, a lot of patience, but he starts seeing how caring, fun and good everyone really is. He doesn't realize it, but he wants some of that too, even if he might relapse again and again.

[system-positivity]

I was gonna do a request and submission( ? is that the right term in this context ?) but ykw fuck it !!!!!! I'm making two submissions (? kinda? its in the same ask)

It's okay to be a system that has multiple hosts, or co-hosts It's okay if the host[s] feel like they shouldn't be a host, or don't qualify/deserve to be one It's okay if the host[s] are fictives, factives, or just introjects in general It's okay if the host[s] leave front easily It's okay if the host[s] don't leave front easily It's okay if the host[s] are trauma holders, anger holders, etc. It's okay if the host[s] are prosecutors, or persecutors

I'm sure I'm missing more, but speaking of persecutors

It's okay to be a system that has multiple persecutors, or one that is perseuctor heavy It's okay if the persecutor[s] are really violent, and cannot be left in front It's okay if the persecutor[s] refuse to heal/reform as a persecutor It's okay if the persecutor[s] interact with littles, or alters that typically don't/'shouldn't' interact with persecutors It's okay if the persecutor[s] are the host[s] It's okay if the persecutor[s] try to reform or successfully do so, but then relapse(? is that the correct term to use in this context??) and most importantly: It's okay to be a persecutor. You're not automatically a bad person

I'm probably missing a lot here too but !! ya also if this is the wrong way to submit stuff or if I worded something wrong, I apologize </3

-- 💊 [host + persecutor]

Thank you so much for the submission(s)! What you said is absolutely correct. It's more than okay for your system to function however it functions - even if it may seem odd to others.

btw shoutout to persecutors who take the role to reenact trauma because they know if they don't the brain may split someone who Actually Enjoys It. (This is a direct shoutout to one of our persecutors, sheeps is doing the hard work fr...)

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

U MADE IT THROUGH THE BEHEMOTH FIGHT!!!!!!!!! giving u blanket & choccy milk etc. it is an Arc!! not as bad as the s9 n stuff imo. but.its heavy. so much fucking happens. man. at least chevalier isn't dead. anyway if u have any thoughts on the All Of It u know im always curious!! but also just celebrating with u!!! yeaaa wahoo arc 25 time :]]]

SO MUCH STUFF HAPPENED THERE I DONT EVEN KNOW WJERE TO FUCKING STAAAART MAN. holy shit. God. fuck. okay. regent. first of all. what the fuck man. I thought for sure he was about to have a whole arc coming up what with Heartbreaker apparently pushing his way into BB !!!! FUCK!!! I hope imp kills his ass so badly. taylor is once again put in a position where she feels like she's betraying the undersiders trust what with the video being posted online. god. I really really hope they don't take that out on her. that situation just felt so fucking dire from start to finish. I KNEW some people weren't gonna get out of there alive but... goddamn. forces were fucking decimated. I know there's a boost in public perception considering the fact that behemoth is FUCKING DEAD but at the same time like.... how the hell are they gonna recover from this. I mean. whatever they've done it countless times before apparently but. man. nothing compares to the feeling of dread immediately following reading an endbringer attack. fuck.

HEY??? SCION ACTING ON HIS KILL ORDERS BTW. FUCK ME UP. OHHHH U KNOW IM THINKING ABT THIS SO HARD. why the fuck did it take him so long to get there? what was he DOING. he finally acted on his kill orders. fuck. I csnt even put my thoughts abt this into words apparently im just fucking speechless over it. you're telling me he had this capability the whole time. God. what else is he gonna do. kind of holding out for a scion mad god arc or something. idk. man. it feels like the foundations of the world have fucking shifted .

also!!!!!!!! EXTREMELY delighted to know golem was theo this whole time !!!!!!! I've been dying 2 see theo again and I'm SO excited he's golem specifically because HE DID SO MUCH IN THAT FIGHT. HE DID SO MUCH. HE WAS HUGE. his big hands were one of the biggest things slowing down behemoth I'm so proud of him. I'm so ridiculously attached to this kid apparently even tho I know something terrible is probably gonna happen to him. can't wait to see how he helps bring about the apocalypse. really glad he's on a wards team and not a villain. that just makes me happy :]

uhhhhhh bringing this full circle thinking about the undersiders now. bow the hell are they gonna cope with regents loss. badly I bet. pretty good it doesn't seem. predictions i think brian is going to have a bad relapse with his trauma, imp is gonna go murder revenge arc on heartbreaker, tattletale is going to try to hold things together but not be good at it, Rachel is going to live on the other side of the portal with her dogs and be also bad at coping with things. idfk. still extremely emotional over that shot of rachel and taylor sleeping in the helicopter though. man. huge wolfspider w but at what cost. somethingsomething taylor telling her to be with imp while she copes w regents death even if she doesn't say anything her presence is still good. cut to rachel being there for her in the aftermath of everything and letting her fall asleep. and trusting her enough to also fall asleep. feeling a big type of way about that. fuck all the plot stuff im thinking about my bug dog yuri now

[kittycatcrackhead]

shane x farmer headcanon

TW: Alcoholism, EDs and body dysmorphia, and mentions of being suicidal.

Here's some headcanon stuff before i get to the depressing shit

Leon is 5'5", and Shane is 5'6" (funnily enough, leon was made to be short because i wanted him to be slightly shorter than shane, and i've always headcanoned shane as 5'6")

Neither one can cook. Leon has literally burnt down his kitchen before.

Leon is 27, and Shane is 34

Leon is horrible with kids, but Shane is surprisingly good with them (it's cause he tries to be a good uncle to jas)

Leon doesn't understand a thing about gridball, but it's fine cause shane loves to ramble and explain it.

Shane is transmasc, and uses he/they pronouns.

Leon uses he/him pronouns.

Shane wears exclusively crocs, even at work. It drives leon insane (he despises crocs).

Leon and Shane are both slobs, and it drives Leon's bodyguard Phillip (who also lives with them) fucking nuts. (phil is a part of their relationship, but i want to focus on leon and shane's dynamic here. i'll eventually make a post about a phil x shane dynamic)

Leon is somehow still a certified accountant (even after getting fired from his last job for accused fraud. he was set up tho), and handles the finances for the farm, and deals with tax stuff. He often rambles about accountant stuff to Shane, who doesn't understand a lick of it.

Leon is allergic to cats, but they still keep a cat around the farm.

Leon's full name is Leonard Valentine Locke. DO NOT call him Leonard, he despises his full name.

^ This is leon :3

^ this is his sdv sprite i made :3 (pixel art is a pain in the ass in procreate btw T_T)

ok sad shit below this, read at your own risk.

So shane has always been a big influence on my oc, Leon (it was mostly subconscious, I didn't realize Leon was so similar to Shane until a couple of months ago)

They're both suicidally depressed and alcoholics, and both struggle with their sense of self-worth.

I believe that Shane drinks because he lost two close friends who meant a lot to him (Jas' parents), and didn't know how to deal with the grief. He'd already had a bit of an issue with alcohol before, but nothing like it would become.

Leon drinks because he had a shit childhood and a shit life. He hates himself, and struggles with major depression. He's on antidepressants, and meds for bipolar 2, which react poorly with the alcohol, worsening his symptoms, and making him heavily suicidal. He always had a problem with alcohol, but it became significantly worse when he shot and killed his father. While it was self-defense, his now boss, Zalu Merriweather, used it against him to get Leon to work for them. That sent Leon into a downward spiral, and he ended up nearly dying multiple times.

He ended up in Stardew Valley with his bodyguard, Phillip, because of some lore thing idk. what happens in stardew valley isn't canon to my story, so i haven't put too much though as to why Leon ends up there lmao

But Leon finds shane, and they are two drunk peas in a pod. They get along well, (perhaps too well), and are both worsening the other's alcoholism, since Shane now has a drinking buddy, and leon thinks shane's hot af, but leon prefers to be drunk when he sleeps with someone.

Then shane's six-heart event rolls around, and leon doesn't want to shane to end up like him. Shane decides he's going to get his shit together.

Leon doesn't get sober yet, tho. He's still drinking and struggling, but with Shane now being sober, he doesn't want to be a bad influence.

Eventually, shane and phil are able to help leon give up alcohol.

Leon gives it up entirely, but Shane is able to have a few beers every now and then.

Leon gains weight after quitting alcohol, and it really fucks with him. He had an ED when he was younger, and has bad body dysmorphia. Seeing his body become "ugly" by his standards almost makes Leon relapse, but he works through it.

[yulsbabymama]

Disventure Camp Headcanons Part 1

AIDEN

Half Argentinian Half French Canadian

Had a huge TOP phase in middle school

Only child

Super good singer but hates hearing his voice

ALEC

Afro-Turkish and Japanese

Diagnosed w Autism when he was a child

Smokes

Started drinking shortly after he got married; relapsed after his separation w his ex

Has an older sister by 7 years

ALLY

Transgirl; came out to her grandfather and he was the only supporter she had

Definitely had obsessive love disorder when meeting Hunter the first time

Super fucking bad at dancing

Likes K-pop (Fromis_9, Stray Kids, Billlie, P1harmony, Enhypen, Stayc, aespa, ITZY)

ASHLEY

Country music defender

will actually die on the Country Music hill

like she's from Texas but she's FROM TEXAS ykwim

Transgirl; realized she was a girl at a young age and transitioned w a supporting family

Would probably roll her eyes at u if u assume she loved AppleJack when she was younger

I mean, she did

but not as much as ppl assume

CONNOR

Jewish

Despite having a booming business, he still doesn't understand technology

but he WAS a boss at programming his MySpace page

"programming is my passion" college dude

Nickelback liker

I'm so sorry

DAN

He and his sister shared a bedroom until she moved out

Actually convinced her to come back home bc he missed her

like

crying on his knees

"PLEASE COME HOME IT'S SO MISERABLE WITHOUT U THERE I MISS U"

blasting a radio to her favorite songs

did i mention he loves his sister

Pokemon kid

Oh, he's also autistic

DEREK

Half Filipino and half Columbian

Transguy; was an unhappy "girl" growing up and would refuse to listen to anyone who didn't call "her" by Derek

Facebook user

only to troll, tho

He tried trolling on Twitter too but Trevor had to pry the phone out of his hands

Secretly likes Trevor

and by secretly I mean he angry-cried while writing drafted emails of his confession

Barely cries or anything like that, emotionally, but angry-crying is his #1 basically

Is not a registered gun owner

DREW

Other than the notebook, he has a communication device

Adopted

Video games hurt his eyes

so do mobile games

Honestly i think he just needs glasses

likes dogs :)

ELLIE

Half Irish and Half Singaporean

Transgirl; came out in her last year of junior high

Middle child w two sisters

While struggling w her identity, she was a Pick Me girl to fit in #sad!

she ended up giving up on fitting in #gogirl

Malay's her first language

Mom passed when she was little

tolerates cats

FIORE

3/4th Italian 1/4th Chinese

hates horror movies

not bc she's scared of them or anything

she just thinks they suck

forced into a ton of shit to become normal

girlscouts, ballet, soccer, etc

she hated everything

but she can make a good cookie deal

GABBY

Has an unhealthy obsession w watching drag shows

she doesn't understand any of the lingo

she just thinks the outfits r pretty

LPS kid

also watches too much animal documentaries

will actually sit down and say "im bored, time to watch a 6 hour doc on cheetahs"

she just cray cray like that #loveher

unhealthy addiction to stickers

GRETT

Transgirl #slay

was a Toddlers & Tiaras kid

passenger princess

forces Yul to drive her places

they have almost broken up 5 times bc of this

she also genuinely forgot to tell him she was #trans

u should've seen the look on his face

when

..

yeah

#hedidnotcare

that's ooc but idc

she's bi :3

HUNTER

Half Chinese Half White

Dad left after his youngest sister was born

Lived in China until he was 8

He has autism

Christian btw

like pslam bunch-of-numbers in his bio

can quickly change languages like that

will talk to u in english then will answer his phone in cantonese

texts like a millennial

:/ sorry

smokes

the killers, staind, blink-182, and r.e.m fan

plays the guitar

JAKE

Half Korean Half Japanese

cannot speak those languages fluently, tho

sorry

he and his brother wrestled a lot

his brother would always win

anyways he was a theater kid

but quit bc of some drama

haha. get it ?

one of those gays who cries to mitski & ricky montgomery

but only listens to them when he needs to cry

which is often

JAMES

has been in cringe compilations before

imagine if i just ended this w just that hc

would that be funny

anyways

one of those middle schoolers who was violently supportive of the lgbtq+

like everyone knew he liked boys

except him

loves his younger sister

like a lot

they r bffies

will call her in the middle of the night randomly

"i just posted a new tiktok, go like it."

JENSEN

genuinely have nothing for him

like

can i just say he's dreamed of men shirtless before and end it at that

um so yeah

[your-queer-dad]

hi dad

also uh bit of a trigger warning for sh here

relapsed again just now, and i feel shit about it :/ i wouldn’t feel as bad normally but i stopped in april, so it’s been a while :(

anyways i’m gonna start doing a sign-off, (i’m the annie and clean room anon btw)

percy 🏛️

Hey kiddo, relapsing is a natural part of recovery and it doesn't discredit the months of work you've done. You've done really really well and you should be proud of yourself for how far you've come.

- dad x

[aether-amalgam-system]

Btw, as someone in therapy for DID with a therapist trained to work with DID, the best way to “deal with” alters dubbed as persecutors/perpetrators/abuser introjects/etc is to recognize that they’re not there for no reason or for a bad reason.

In psychology and in really really advanced forms of PTSD, trauma responses go far beyond fight/flight/freeze. In more advanced forms of PTSD, there is also “submit” and “identify”. They are both ways to minimize trauma sustained from abusers. Submit is basically just doing as you’re told to avoid getting in more trouble/danger. Identify is when you begin to identify yourself with your abuser/s, telling yourself that they’re right, you ARE bad, you deserve it etc etc etc.

And that’s what persecutors (which is the term I’m gonna use in this post, but please know I mean abuser introjects/perpetrators as well when I say this) are there to do, a good deal of the time. They’re there to identify with the system’s abuser/s to keep the system from being abused further. If you obey, do as you’re told, believe the lies, then you’re more likely to be treated “better” in many abuse situations. (This is why submit and identify are present in more advanced cases of PTSD, as well as fight/flight/freeze).

So how does this information help us as systems?

Well, step one is to realize NO PART is there for NO REASON! Every part has a role and a part to play, even if they don’t “seem” to have one.

Step two is to realize that persecutor parts are using skills that USED TO keep you safe/safer in the past, but are damaging you now. A lot of the time, there is a scared, damaged, traumatized child underneath the big bad wolf.

Step three is to just talk to them. Why do you do this? How is this helping you/us? What purpose did these behaviors serve and what are they doing now? And then, bear with me here, tell them thank you. Compassion and kindness are KEY to healing any type of trauma, with or without a dissociative disorder. And that means compassion with EVERY PART OF SELF, including the “difficult” ones.

And then step four is to strive for safety. Safety isn’t always possible immediately or even in the near future, but you CANNOT heal if you remain in an abusive or unsafe environment. Sometimes you need to make very difficult or scary decisions to achieve safety, which is the only place parts/alters can heal.

If you’re safe, compassionate, and open with your parts, things WILL become better. I promise you that. I’ve only just started my healing journey and I’ve been in EMDR therapy for over a year now and it’s JUST BEGINNING! It takes a lot of time and healing isn’t a straight line either, so there will be relapses and downward slopes, but you can NEVER go back to square one because you’ve already left that station. You can have the worst episode of your life and you will STILL not be back to square one, because of the information and wisdom and tools you have gathered and learned from your healing journey. And every upswing will be faster and stronger than the last.

Anyway, I can already smell the people obsessed with abusing their persecutors/other peoples persecutors, so imma give you my source for this information.

Read the book Finding Solid Ground or get the Finding Solid Ground workbook, by Hugo J. Schielke, Bethany L. Brand, and Ruth A. Lanius. My therapy group is working through this book and so far it’s been extremely helpful and enlightening. My therapist likes to tell me “if it doesn’t serve you, leave it behind” and by that I mean: if something in the book is unhelpful to you or if you’re recommended a coping skill that you find unhelpful after trying it a couple times, then just leave it behind. If it doesn’t work for you, then it doesn’t work. And that’s ok!

This book isn’t necessarily just for people with dissociative disorders, it’s geared towards all people with trauma and ptsd, but any type of PTSD recovery is going to help people with dissociative disorders heal because that’s the basis for the disorder!

Anyway, long post over. This is just a bit that I’ve learned from my therapist and the group that I’ve been attending for over a year now. It’s amazing, but you do have to BUY the book, I don’t know if you can find it online… I had to buy it because it was for the group so. It’s a little steep, but if you can get your hands on it, I would recommend it immensely!

❤️‍🩹 (he/it)

[gg-selvish]

analysis of maple syrup vs. good luck charm: mirroring in dynamics, reactions to rumors, and bad vibes

this spoils the ending of both fics btw.

there's a lot of mirroring between these two fics, naturally because they're in the same series/au but there's a lot of similarities between the two relationships yet it's handled completely differently by the characters involved. all four of them have issues (sapnap is the most stable but he's damaged too lets be real) and they handle those issues in unique ways that lead to interesting dynamics in the duos they're in (because while they're all connected they don't really all connect yknow?)

in maple syrup george is unempathetic and possessive while also having this deep desire to be 'good' because he knows he's not. he knows sapnap makes him better because sapnap is in love with him and can kind of wrangle him into being reasonable so he latches on both emotionally and physically. he really does want to be a good person i think he just has no idea how besides clinging to sapnap because all he's ever known to do is hurt people throughout his life. sapnap is so kind and endlessly understanding, its inspiring to him and he admires him as well as truly loves him and i believe that. the way he hurts him is because of impulse and some sort of trauma response i don't even understand but rev said it was because he had his toys taken away as a child (/lh)

so he scars him as a permanent commitment to settle his internal anxiety that he's going to fuck up and sapnap is gonna keep running instead of just committing to being better and showing that he can be a good partner for sapnap. but he can't yet. so sapnap pulls himself away and they take another break and george relapses into his self-hatred and self-destructive tendencies and perhaps that's the wake up call he gets that teaches him to be tamed a bit. so him and sapnap are back together a third time and he treads much more gently because he knows no matter what he does, even permanently marking his lover, it's no guarantee he'll stay. the only way to get sapnap to stay with him is being kinder and learning to be good.

karl is very different. at face value when you first hear about him he's pretty similar to george, untrustworthy and a bad reputation, but the way he's introduced to dream is different because he has a base level of respect for dream and admires him distantly. as in the fic: george sinks his teeth into sapnap while karl yearns from afar. he probably talks about dream so much without even thinking of it, he's quite resigned to his fate of never being anything to dream because dream is far away from anyone, but then sapnap gives his number, dream texts him, and it's the start of something.

a kind of unfair aspect to the style of this storytelling is because maple syrup was written for an exes to lovers prompt, so i skipped over their whole getting together and pleasant months of their relationship. i havent put too much thought in how it happens but i have a feeling its just george stalking after sapnap after that first glance in the first scene of maple syrup and sticking to him. that's another similarity between the two dynamics: sapnap and dream look different than the rest of campus. sapnap punk and hardcore with denim jackets and big boots, dream in maxi skirts and loose blouses and long hair, and karl and george are very intrigued by that and it piques their interest. karl and george are bad, dream and sapnap are different and they want that.

so i think georgenap got together in a pretty simple way, with george and his girlfriend breaking up when he realizes he has feelings for sapnap, pulling moves on him at parties until they hook up, continuing to hook up because despite george's abysmal reputation he's funny and hot and a good fuck so sapnap goes with it until he catches feelings himself and then he's In It for about seven months. then he gets cheated on again, maple syrup, moving on.

good luck charm: karl has his eye on dream from before dream even knows what he looks like. well, he kinda does, he's seen him around, but dream isn't really attentive to other people with what he has going on. karl sees him, though, around campus and at parties and maybe even at the bar too. i think that could be a cool thing to think about... when karl brought george and the ex gf to the bar in the first fic and must have tried to talk to dream. and dream still doesn't have him on his radar at all

and then dream gets a little interested himself, with karl being flirty and promising nothing serious it's easy to accept his affection and instigating because dream's always just been kind of going with the flow. he doesn't have any big expectations and definitely doesn't think anything with karl will go anywhere until he actually meets him. then he's consumed, infatuated, totally drawn into his orbit and would really like to stay there even though he's scared of two things: karl leaving, and karl asking him for more. they're equally terrifying to him, so he holds his feelings close and enjoys being fond of karl without worrying about escalating it at all and just coasting.

my friend rev brought up another really cool aspect of mirroring that i didn't consider until he brought it up: the scar versus the hair dye. it's obvious that the purple is important, though it may not seem so at the time. that date where they dye karl's hair really means the world to dream, that's when he really starts to commit to having feelings, it's a shame he got scared off so shortly after that just because it meant something to karl too.

the thing is, george and karl have some pretty nasty skeletons in their closet. they both fuck and drop, they both kiss boys and brush away what it means, they both war with themselves with what they want and what they can't have but they handle it very differently. george never stops moving towards his goal, while karl knows to respect boundaries, because if him and dream had something real he knows dream will come back. especially with sapnap on his side. setting up the party and loosely inviting dream is the farthest he's gonna go with instigating and trying to get dream in the same room as him. but once he's back he takes that as an inch to run with and really let dream know he wants him and that hasn't wavered despite dream ghosting because he knows and trusts that dream feels something for him too. even after scaring him off. he came back, and that means something to both of them

the hair dye is kind of similar to the scar, that's the mirroring i'm thinking of. not as permanent, but a physical altering of karl's body that stays after dream is gone. and when he comes back to karl's house and sees him in his lilac glory made from dream's own hands it hits him right in the chest. he did that. he's so used to things happening to him and taking it so it impacts him, but this time he changed someone else and it was a good thing. george branded sapnap as an act of cruelty and possession, while karl asked dream to dye his hair because he wanted dream to have some kind of claim on him. and dream finds comfort in that with his own more hidden possessiveness in the same way george finds comfort in the scar, the difference in the climate in which those changes took place

just one more thing i want to touch on: the ending of good luck charm. when i first finished it i was worried it was unsatisfying and rushed and didn't really hit very strongly, but then i read it cohesively with the full context of that ending and i was like

oh.

so it's a fic like that. you have to reread it to really get it, maybe not the whole series though that would be cool, but definitely glc is meant to be read more than once. watching dream agonize over karl's behaviour in contrast to his kind actions to him personally you're wondering the whole fic what is wrong with him? why is he hurting people? and then it comes out and you're like oh my god. he's just ace. so you reread the fic with that information and all of karl's actions make so much more sense, everything he says and his behaviour and his gentle treatment of dream's boundaries, and then his freak out at the end of dream touching him. i still think it's a bit rushed but when you've spent the whole fic agonizing over a why and then find out that why, what more is there to say? they get each other now, so they can just be together and be happy. that's what it's all about, really, georgenap's ending was bad because of their contrasts and george's poor way of navigating his feelings while karl is more stable and both asks for what he wants and respects boundaries.

so the same, but different. two very different stories that follow the same general idea: damaged people do damaged things, but sometimes there's a reason you have to unearth to find the good person buried beneath the negative actions. and it's up to you whether you choose to stay and steer them in the right direction, or protect yourself and run.

i'm glad they both stayed. i'm optimistic for their futures together.

[v1trum]

Lots of tw's.. also please read the entire post if you start reading it. Im not a bad person. This is a specific case and i KNOW this person and have talked this stuff over w ppl that also know him. He manipulated me into hating the ppl i know i love most (as friends) now and did a lot of fucked up shit a lot of which I'll list

Tws include : sh, severe mental illness, "kys" jokes (wasnt rly a joke), ed, trauma, etcetc

Im only saying this shit on here because literally no one knows who im talking about and never will. This is an irl person who doesn't even have Tumblr im pretty sure.. I'd prefer if you only read this if ur a moot or i follow u or vice versa pls 😭

Im gonna throw the imaginary fights i have in my head on here

all the same person cus they side eye me at school and ik damn well he's trying to get ppl to not like me but idc cus im in the right and i have proof 💋

Like i just KNOW he views me as childish n shit

Likr

childish?? ME?? You're the one that said my 7 year old brother should kill himself because he played the same roblox game as you..a 14yo... But, yes, im the childish one...

its a genuine scenario I can't get out of my head and i need to talk abt it

Contrary to what you think, i DO like you. I don't hate you because my online best friend expressed how HE doesn't like you... Its actually crazy that you came into my home for a complete weekend, were as EXTREMELY disrespectful as you were, we didn't say anything and then you're out here saying me and my entire family hate you... Like no babes my parents went out and bought food from the store that we never eat bc you would eat it... No babes, i made cookies from scratch bc cookies are one of the only things you'll eat... No babes, we didn't even comment on the fact that you had three sodas and had two sips out of each of them before you wasted them...

Your "eating disorder" is DEFINITELY fake, too. There might be part of it in there but wdym "my grandparents starve me" when you asked if you could have a random bag of chips and they immediately bought it for you? I fear you just need to tell them when a food is out? They both work a ton bc they had to take you in a few months ago I don't think they notice much when the pantry or fridge is running low. Wdym "ew i hate that" to every food in existence but you scarf up wretched school breakfast and lunch daily...? Again with "i shove it down my throat bc my grandparents starve me" are you forgetting how close we got so quickly? How ik you? You wouldn't eat 95% of that before you starved to death if it was at my house... But you're gonna eat it all up there.

Same with your "personality disorder".... Wdym we're in the middle of English and you go "bro i just spawned in. What am i wearing and why? Omggg why do i have sh on my arms???" Like be so fr rn. You aren't immune to being aware of PHYSICAL PAIN. And i get like.. having a different style but fym "why am i wearing this what is it" ..? (I have talked to a SYSTEM friend abt this and they can confirm its v fake seeming)

Its actually crazy when i didn't kick you out after you said that about my brother, you're actually insane. I get you have very recent trauma but holy hell refrain from making relationships if you're gonna fuck someone up.

You had your "friend" give me back my sweater bc you were too childish to do it yourself and look me in the eye. You moved seats without permission. You glare at me in the class where you can't move seats.

Also, that "friend".. you call her a slut and talk shit abt her to her face because she has HEALED sh scars. Then you walk around campus with gaping wounds acting like you're self conscious of it when you're actually begging for attention. This is NOT me saying ppl who sh are attention seekers btw.. i KNOW him and me and several other people agree he's doing it for attention. My friends have said they'd have relapsed after seeing them if it had been a bad time for them, thats how bad it was.

I genuinely hope he gets better bc he is fucked up in the head, however i also wish the best on his next victim of "we're friends". I hope they get away or meet him after he has gotten better.

To this guy - i hope you better yourself instead of trying to make yourself as bad as possible because you find comfort in that, or rot.